bigstripeylie

[bigstripeylie]

🎶Jack of all trades master of none~🎵

[bigstripeylie]

[bigstripeylie]

The clearest video I could find of her saying “Summer girlfriend” during Summerboy at the Mayhem Ball

[bigstripeylie]

@mistresskayla-blog1 asked “What’s your favourite scene in Robin Hood?”

Thank you for this question! On the one hand, it’s like asking me to choose my favourite child (if all my children were Guy- never mind, this metaphor has problems) but on the other hand, you are giving me an opportunity to talk about THIS SCENE

From s2e6: For England…!

https://youtu.be/b8Yus-ZqtGg

Because this? Tells you most of everything you need to understand the character, in just a couple of minutes. And I would argue that this is the biggest proof of love for Marian that Guy has shown throughout the series.

Because this here is Gisborne, the one who is always possessive, the one who always pushes and makes demands and is so obsessed with Marian not as a person, but for what she will mean in *his* life. Gisborne, who (according to RA’s own words) “I’m not sure yet if Guy can love someone in the truest sense, without becoming obsessed. Because I don’t think he has experienced much love in return, so when the little bits of it do come towards him, I think he grabs onto it really hard…”

But when push comes to shove, and she is in real danger, what does he do? He risks himself to let her go. He arranges for a way out of the castle for her, promises to look after her father, kisses her on the cheek, and is prepared never to see her again, in order to protect her. If that isn’t love “in the truest sense”, I don’t know what it is.

And yes, he is still Guy, coming in strong and taking over and losing his temper when Marian “makes things difficult” instead of falling in line and doing what he says: “Marian, why do you always resist me, I’m attempting to help you!” but I’ve never been interested in some perfect Prince Charming with no flaws, I’m standing here watching a very flawed man try his best, and that’s infinitely more beautiful to me.

Then we get this exchange:

“If the Sheriff knew I was doing this, my own life would be in danger.”

“Why do you work for him?”

“I have nobody.” -This is probably the most profound thing Guy says in all of the show. He’s never been especially self-aware, but this, this cuts to the bone. He is too worried and distracted to dress it up in terms of politics, or ambition, or even realise how it sounds. It’s just how he feels every day. To quote Lauren Eden, “When you are not fed love on a silver spoon, you learn to lick it off knives” -and Marian, she has been gorging on love from birth.

“So you choose him?” -No, Marian, you still don’t get it, he is choosing you, but you won’t allow it. Marian is simply not capable of understanding that level of loneliness, cosseted and adored as she has always been. She can’t see past “but Vaisey is a bad choice,” she can’t understand that Vaisey is the only choice when the alternative is having no human connection at all. And it doesn’t suit her to understand it.

“So I choose power. He is my root to position, standing!” - He is choosing power BECAUSE he has nobody. He couldn’t make it more plain. And he proves it, time and time again, by choosing Marian over power when it comes down to it.

“He is mad, you know that!”

“No, he is single-minded. He does not allow… distractions to divert him from his course.”

“Distractions? Like a little humanity?”

“Humanity is weakness.” - And doesn’t he know it, as he is risking everything because of humanity and his feelings for her. It IS weakness. His life would be much easier without it. But weakness doesn’t equal bad. Guy’s choice over and over to be vulnerable and open when it comes to Marian, right from their first scene together, and in contrast to everything else we see of him until much later on, is what made me love him almost 6 years ago and makes me still love him today.

So he kisses her on the cheek, and wishes her good luck, and walks out of the room…

…and into Vaisey.

Of course Vaisey knows Guy better than anyone else in his life. Vaisey appreciates how much of a hold that humanity (that everyone else conveniently ignores) still has on Guy. That’s why he tries to stamp it out every chance he gets.

Watching Guy straighten his shoulders and try to compose his face before turning around to face Vaisey… and failing. His voice is trembling too much.

Vaisey knows, and Guy knows that Vaisey knows… and now his own life *is* in danger.

“As my Lieutenant, Gisborne, you sit at the right hand of the Father. You will share in the fruits of OUR labour. (…) As long as I can trust you.” -Let’s not pretend this is a bribe and not a threat. Guy knows exactly what it is, and he almost whimpers at the end. Notice every choice Vaisey makes, here. Everything is deliberate. “You will sit at the right hand of the father” -this is far from the only time he frames himself as a father figure, because he knows how effective it is. Because Guy values loyalty and family more than “the fruit of their labour”. When he says “Take Lady Marian to Winchester,” and he cups Guy’s cheek and strokes it, that is so deliberate. Guy can’t help leaning in, and he hates himself for it every time.

Because humanity is weakness

And Vaisey knows how to use weakness

Thank you for this ask, my first and only (so far.) Please send more! You can send multiple asks, I don’t mind at all.

[bigstripeylie]

I called it! I knew Guy was religious

[bigstripeylie]

top 5 robin hood episodes? 💖

Ohh I almost forgot this!!

It's basically just "the middle of season 2" because I am a Team Castle girlie (gn) forever and forever and also those episodes are just all so much fun, but I'll give you the full run down:

5. 2x06 "For England...!"

I love that this is a pretty important plot episode (for Robin Hood at least which lbr is primarily shenanigans) and yet the Wikipedia summary of the episode starts with "Sir Guy buys Marian several pretty silk dresses and they argue over which one she should wear. She decides on blue." like yes, thank you Wikipedia, that IS the most important part of the episode. To me. (Also silk dresses? Don't make me laugh, that shit is clearly from New Look). OK but jokes aside this is such a peak episode for the Guy/Marian dynamic (him trying to get her to run away because Winchester wants to marry her and her being like. Um. No. And then only capitulating too late because like hell is she gonna do what Guy says). Also peak for Guy of Gisborne Is Having A Bad Day TM, Allan trying to become his boy, Guy trying to save him and then being like nah actually. And then Allan and Robin having a full Gladiator battle on a plank of wood over a tub of boiling hot pitch? That's cinema, babey.

4. 2x09 Lardner's Ring

Episodes 8-11 are ALL peak to me. This one gets rewatched possibly slightly less often which is why it's at 4 but I love it. There's a pigeon. Robin proposes over a fresh grave because he's classy like that. Allan says "Yeahhh, that's the tree." which is a meme to me and only me but I'm obsessed with how he says it. Gavin from Gavin and Stacey is there playing the court jester, which is apparently synonymous with stand-up comedian, except he wears a silly little outfit. Guy is GOT so hard by Marian in the tree and it's kind of devastating ngl. Allan helps save Will. Djaq tells a story about a goat. The Sheriff references Wacky Races because this show is just that unserious. Why am I not rewatching Robin Hood at all times, actually?

3. 2x08 Get Carter!

Apparently the title of this episode is a reference to a film, which I didn't know. This episode is mostly just Marian in the forest and how much she hates it and how much she HATES being told what to do, even by Robin. Much KNOWS skank bitch Carter can't be trusted but does anyone listen to Much? Nooooo. Marian kisses Guy to distract him and he goes full Romantic anti-hero with a soft heart and I fall a little bit more in love with him and my heart breaks a little bit more for him. Allan is good with nuns. GET MY HORSE! Also I really like the conversation Marian and Robin have at the end of this episode. Even though they're kind of my notp, it's one moment where I think they actually work.

2. 2x10 Walkabout

The Sheriff has a sleepwalking problem, which somehow was not a problem until this episode, but WHO CARES? He's gone, searching for the pact, and now Nottingham is gonna be burnt to the ground. I fucking love this episode so much, I love the gang getting a free pass into the castle for the day, I love Guy being a competent leader and Robin being a little bitch and Marian forcing them to work together. Every time she says "If anyone can find him, you can. You have people everywhere." I'm always just like "huehuehue because SHE'S one of the people he has everywhere." Delightful and it never gets old. Also I'm sorry but "Without her my world may as well turn to ash" and coming back into Nottingham to fight alongside Marian after she's refused to marry him and leave the people when it's about to get burned to the ground? I'm so fucking sorry feminism but that shit is romantic as fuck. Sorry that I can't help but simp for Guy. I also love the Sheriff trying to get the pact and hooking up with terrible Dickensian cockney mum and her criminal children. Obsessed obsessed obsessed. I'd say episode of all time, but...

1. 2x11 Treasure of the Nation

This episode is That Bitch to me. We get two almost entirely separate plots - Team Castle and Team Forest, and they both ROCK. Obviously I'm a Team Castle girlie, but the ridiculous fucking Raven Crystal Maze Escape Room plot where they have to find the "national treasure" and get locked in a cave and it turns out to be the king's mum who's horny AF for Little John? Masterful. Iconique. Shout-out to Big Bear fr.

NOW ONTO TEAM CASTLE. Marian promising Robin not to do anything reckless "But...the Nightwatchman might" OK GO OFF QUEEN! Hilarious moment when she breaks into the grain shed where Allan is asleep on the sacks and he tells her to go away and no one gets hurt (obviously knowing that it's Maz) and then as soon as Guy comes in he's like "GUY I'VE CAUGHT THE NIGHTWATCHMAN" Allan you treacherous wretch I would die for you. The mask take off. The SCAR REVEAL OH MY GOD THE SCAR REVEAL!! THE FACT THAT HE BRINGS THE DAGGER LIKE HE CAN HARDLY BELIEVE IT'S MARIAN AND NEEDS EVIDENCE! GUY'S SHAKY VOICE AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT HER. That scene changed me as a person I swear. I also fucking LOVE their argument scene after this (might be multiple scenes?) where she sets a fire to distract him and try to escape and she's by turns so cruel to him and so genuinely soft and so manipulative and she is literally everything to me I can't. I can't. The fact that she's in love with Robin and she SHOULD hate Guy and she kinda does but also she DOESN'T, QUITE. But also how much of it is her real feelings and how much is manipulation? Guy can't trust her anymore and neither can the audience.

"When you left, I thought you were gone for good. Perhaps it would have been better if you had." STONE COLD FUCKING HEARTBREAK FUCK ME!!!

And then. He and Allan SAVE HER. BECAUSE OF COURSE THEY DO!! THAT'S THEIR GIRL!! BROT3 OF ALL TIME WHAT'S A LITTLE HIDING FROM ANGRY GUARDS BETWEEN FRIENDS? BESTIES MOMENT AND GUY IS TRYING TO RESIST BUT HE CAN'T. SCREAMING CRYING THROWING UP

Also you know what else I'm CONSTANTLY HAUNTED BY? We don't always get too much timeline information in RH, however this episode specifically takes place on Midsummer's Day i.e. 21st June, and the next episode takes place in Robin's birthday which I believe is mentioned to be in October. WHAT HAPPENED IN TEAM CASTLE SUMMER? I WANT MORE BESTIES CONTENT SHOW!! AUGUST SLIPPED AWAY LIKE A MOMENT IN TIME 'CAUSE YOU WERE NEVER MINE! Seriously though there's a reason why a good chunk of my RH fics and most of my imaginings take place in this lost summer. Just so much potential for a fascinating dynamic between Marian, Guy and Allan.

ANYWAY, I've yelled at you about Robin Hood for long enough, so here I shall leave you.

Me You

Special shout-out to the episode with cunty Count Friedrich and turning the castle into a casino, apparently? You didn't quite make the cut but I love you toooooo and also all of Robin Hood it's so silly and camp and HIGHLY unserious and yet. Richard Armitage is there giving the romantic antihero performance of his life. King shit.

[bigstripeylie]

Imagine being cast in a Lady Gaga concert as Lady Gaga because Lady Gaga wants to do this to Lady Gaga

[bigstripeylie]

I, like Laszlo, am a man of science.

So take this Very Scientific graph, my remedial knowledge in math, and the very best I could do with a pixelated picture and less than perfect pose to awe at the very loose estimation of the 9-inches-upon-re-entry-onto-earth absolute monster shlong Nandor The Relentless is packing.

I mean. He could kill someone with that thing.

[bigstripeylie]

i have a very scientific way of telling when Nandor has gone 'serious' its called my pussy getting wet and lemme tell you that this man has gone Predator mode:

this is the look of a man who wants to kill

[bigstripeylie]

rip tonight to anyone who ever felt the false sense of security purposefully designed by Paul Simms, co., and Kayvan Novak (me included)

this is the punchline for a joke 5 years running. the 6 foot 1, 200 pound supernatural creature who talks fondly abt massacring and torturing hundreds of thousands of people is then shown to be, at every possible instance, anything but? yeah, i’ve seen this before, there’s going to be the horrifying moment when you’ve realized that big pretty kitty who purrs when you brushed it’s hair wasn’t as domesticated as you thought and now you’re stuck as the idiot who jumped into the enclosure to cuddle with it

its like some sort of mindfuck: on the one hand the words on the page were ‘he’s a really scary ancient mass-murderer’ and on the other hand the show does everything it can to have him be seen as 1. cowardly 2. a wimp 4. needy 3. 'defeated' in combat by his subordinate (x2) 4. a silly, fond, puppy-dog man, and 5. (I even went back and checked previous seasons for this) having only a handful of carefully constructed instances where said most-terrible-ruthless-warlord-man was ever - even what could be tangentially considered - actually ‘violent'. (basically just: snapping Topher’s neck, pushing the guy at massive fitness into a wall, and two play fights he got into with Guillermo)

yeah all that? thats on purpose. its a conscious choice that we’ve never even seen the vampire man. in the vampire show. actually ever feed on anyone. while Lazslo and Nadja and just about everyone else have been drenched in some sort of viscera of their own making....

it’s the same technique in Jaws. if the threatening predator is shown too consistently, eventually it’s going to lose its impact. instead wwdits has been desensitizing us to Nandor ever being a threat by the constant talk of him being so, and then never actually substantiating that with on-screen action

but like man, there’s only so long that someone can keep pointing to the gun on the mantle informing us that ‘yes, it's loaded but also I drew a funny face on it that you can only see by looking directly down the barrel’ before something terrible happens

[bigstripeylie]

ok but last thing before i try to force myself to sleep but hot damn was Kayvan Novak just killing it bloody in the finale

not just because he was hot as hell and seriously, deeply, threatening but there's just this little moment from after he vows to Guillermo in Silvia's house where he's as serious as death itself and just...this lITTle MOMENT i wish i had a gif of it where,,,

he leans back on his right heel a little, which allows his weight and height to be off-center and less threatening, bring his hands together to start doing that nervious gsture of his fingers and, like nothing at all, Nandor the doofus is back

there's no grand motion to it. it's completely fluid to the point that it's easily missed. a lot of actors would have been tempted to be more show-ey with that kind of transitional character beat but Kayvan does it like he's just going from one breath to another and I find that worthy of note and admiration. kudos good sir 👏

[bigstripeylie]

so like,,,

Guillermo being turned in Nandor’s homeland….

so they can share ancestral soil…

but in s5 we were shown the possibility that Guillermo wouldn't need to carry a separate container for ancestral soil as long as he remains within the (waves hand around indicating whatever arbitrary border line the lore dictates to be 'homeland') of which he was turned because all of it would be considered homesoil (as seen by him sleeping in the motel or in the foot locker without a bag of soil from the gas station with him).

and Nandor (even taking away the fact that he had sorted out the details of Guillermo's turning beforehand as shown in the s5 finale) simply by having lived in the same place for two centuries should know that Guillermo wouldn't need to share homesoil if they were, to say, hypothetically, sleep in the same coffin (as is often the fan theory to why Nandor insisted on turning Guillermo in Al Qolinadar)

so. the question this brings up is thusly: why would it mean anything to Nandor to share homesoil with Guillermo if Guillermo could still sleep with him (in his coffin) without having to deal with a second pot of soil??

my answer: oh yeah, Nandor doesn't want to share homesoil with Guillermo so Guillermo can sleep with him (in his coffin). he wants to share homesoil so Guillermo would have to sleep with him (in his coffin).

they would be forever connected by more than just the romanticism of simply sharing the same soil but the necessity of it. it's Nandor’s solution for keeping Guillermo close to him no matter what.

and i love that for them ❤️

[bigstripeylie]

I don’t know if anyone else has worked this out but i was watching the episode where nandor makes the worlds biggest penis wish and it made me curious so I checked and apparently the world record is currently 14 inches erect there is a guy that claims his is 19 inches but they haven’t been verified so officially the record is 14

so if Nandor wished for the worlds biggest penis let’s say he’s now 14.1 inches. But after he made the wish, the djinn said that it was only about 20% bigger than what Nandor had before and he was surprised that Nandor wanted more in the first place. 20% off 14.1 is 11.3 or nearabouts

So Nandor was walking around with an 11.3 inch penis pre-djinn wish.

I need you all to understand that that would put him in the top 0.5 % of penises worldwide according to studies done on penis size. That’s his size before the wish…

And that’s the conservative estimate because if the 19 inch guy is telling the truth, Nandor could be a lot bigger.

If you’re curious what an 11 inch penis looks like in real life, there’s a porn actor called Julio Gomez who is apparently 11 inches - I won’t post pics here but you can Google it yourself

[bigstripeylie]

[bigstripeylie]

Imagine being cast in a Lady Gaga concert as Lady Gaga because Lady Gaga wants to do this to Lady Gaga

[bigstripeylie]

(Posting this here because I know it will help some of you)

10 Qualities of a Good Omega

1. Unwavering Loyalty

No matter what your Alpha does, you must always be loyal to them. They are in charge, and you must always take their side.

2. Gentle Strength

All good omegas know that their true strength comes from their quiet confidence. A nurturing and gentle hand is the only way an omega should approach a situation.

3. Loving Service

A good omega does not complain about the dishes, or the laundry. A good omega does them with care and love, knowing that they are doing this for their family.

4. Submission's Friend

A good omega loves to submit. To let the alpha in their life take the lead, and to do as they're told. Alpha's are the providers, but they can't do that if we aren't doing our part.

5. Authentic Joy

Omegas are not meant to worry about things like finances or worldly issues. Those are not the things that bring us true joy. Avoid upsetting knowledge, and be truly happy. Nobody likes a frowning omega.

6. Grace Filled Speech

A good omega uses kind and delicate language. They don't try to be too smart or confuse Alphas with their big words. They say things simply, and let others fill in the rest.

7. Faithful Partnership

As a mate, an omega is there for companionship. Alphas are the gardeners of life, and Omegas are the garden beds. No garden bed should have multiple gardeners, but a gardener needs to tend multiple beds.

8. Maintain Appearance

When in the home, your alpha deserves to see an attractive omega. Keep track of your weight, have a skin care routine, and dress nicely. Ask your alpha how they would want you to look to ensure their happiness.

9. Embrace Growth

As omegas, we are not perfect. It is important that we listen to what our Alphas are telling us, and to grow as nurturers. Our Alphas know what is best for us.

10. Joyful Heart

No matter what life throws your way, always maintain joy. A good omega is happy and content.

[bigstripeylie]

GUYS CHECK OUT THE LETTER OPENER I FOUND AT THE ANTIQUE FAIR