#List of Indiana Jones characters

[courseyoulovemeyoudontknowme]

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023, James Mangold)

20/01/2025

[snekdood]

lmao???

this quiz sorts through characters from like dozens of fandoms and finds the one you’re most like. I’m not even a little bit surprised by my result

[c-is-for-circinate]

It feels like there's this narrative that fandom keeps wanting to explore, with Steve Harrington, about this very specific type of martyrdom where self-sacrifice is an expression of a lack of self-worth. And, like, yes, write the narrative that's meaningful to you, and yes ok Steve does admittedly get beaten up a lot, but -- legitimately I do not think this narrative is actually Steve's story.

Like, without gendering things too much, there is something in the Steve fanon that I keep seeing that's so reflective of the specific kind of sacrifice and societal pressures exerted on girls, specifically -- this story of 'you make yourself worthy and worthwhile by carving pieces out of yourself', of believing that you must always give and never receive to justify the space you take up in the world. Yes, boys can experience this same pressure (and obviously trans and nb people of all genders run into it as well! sometimes a lot!), but especially in the mid-1980s cultural context where Stranger Things takes place, it's just...really not likely to be a dominant narrative for Steve to be operating under? It doesn't even really match the Steve we see on screen -- who is happy to make sacrifices for the sake of others, yeah, when needed, but who's not particularly kind or giving unless somebody asks first.

And Steve does get hurt a lot on other people's behalf! And this is a problem! It's just a completely different problem than the one fandom keeps writing.

Steve, and I'm going to say this forever, is a story about toxic masculinity, which the show may or may not even know it's writing. The archetypes influencing Steve's character as it shows up on the screen (and the stories and messages that Steve would actually be surrounded by in his actual life) are not deconstructions of suffering heroes who never should have had to fight in the first place and were destroyed by it. That's the Buffy the Vampire Slayer story. Steve's not Buffy. Steve's cultural context is Indiana Jones.

Steve is The Guy! And part of being The Guy is that you're expected to take the hits -- not because Steve is less important than the women-and-children he's supposed to protect, but because, the story says, he will get less hurt. Why should Steve get in between Billy and Lucas? Because Steve is an eighteen-year-old athlete and Lucas is in middle school, and of the two of them, Steve actually stands a chance. (And yes, Steve got badly hurt there, and Max had to save him -- but if Lucas, if Max had taken that beating they would not have been running through those tunnels later.) Was somebody else better-qualified to dive down to the uncertain bottom of a cold lake in the middle of the night? Steve doesn't list his credentials there as a way of justifying some ideal of martyrdom; he is literally the most likely person on the boat not to drown.

And make no mistake: when Steve's pulled into the Upside-Down, he survives the bats long enough for backup to get there. Realistic or not, he's apparently tough enough that he's physically capable of hiking barefoot through hell without much slowing down. Steve is the tank for the same reason as any tank: because he literally has been shown to have the most hit points in the group. You cannot honestly engage with Steve in this context without dealing with the fact that he's right.

AND THIS IS A PROBLEM! This is still a problem! But it's not the same problem that fandom seems to expect. It's not an expression of caretaking or the need for self-sacrifice; it's not an issue with Steve valuing himself less. It's an issue of toxic masculinity so ingrained that Steve doesn't even recognize he's suffering from it, because one of the tenets of toxic masculinity is that Big Strong Guys don't suffer. It's just a concussion, it's fine, he'll walk it off. It's not that Steve thinks he deserves to get hurt, or even that he's less deserving of safety than the others. It's that absolutely nothing in his cultural context allows him to admit that he can be hurt in a significant way.

There's still so much tension that can be gotten out of this situation, I swear. There's so much that can be explored in writing! Hell, the show itself is deconstructing some of this trope, believe it or not, by giving us a Steve who absolutely can take all the hits thrown his direction but still doesn't know what the fuck he's doing with his life. It turns out that doing his job as The Guy is only mildly helpful in horror movie situations (mostly by buying time for smarter, squishier people to do the damage from behind him), and somewhere a little worse than useless in everyday life.

But Steve does not go out of his way to self-sacrifice, he really doesn't. He just does his job. He's The Guy. Of course he's not going to let a kid or a girl or some scared skinny nerd who just learned about monsters yesterday take the hits. Of course Steve's got this.

[youvebeenlivingfictional]

Can I just say that no one I've ever read writes the relationship between exes as well as you do (I'm still aflutter over Procedure).

So I was wondering what the exes relationships are like for other characters you write for? Are they semi-perminent in each others lives despite the split or are they 'and they never spoke again' people?

Were you looking for an answer that includes the dozens of men on my Wildly Inappropriate Chart? No, probably not.

Are you getting one? Absolutely. (Full list and breakout below the cut)

Will put you in a simulation to make you love him again

Frank (Don’t Worry Darling)

Will ignore you

Stewy Hosseini

Kendall Roy

Don Draper

Percival Graves

Sherlock Holmes (Enola Holmes verse)

Abel Morales

Orlando Oxford

Daniel Le Domas

Will secretly keep tabs on you

Javier Peña

James Bond

Tommy Shelby

Diego Jimenez

Gurney Halleck

Horacio Carrillo

Chris Argent

Marc Specter

Duncan Idaho

Eddie Brock

Frank Castle

Boba Fett

Will reappear to fuck up the vibe just after you've managed to move on

Raymond Smith

Don Eppes

Carmy Berzatto

Indiana Jones

Nathan Bateman

Duke Leto Atreides

Ray Merrimen

Santiago Garcia

Dean Winchester

Bruce Wayne

Angel Reyes

Oberyn Martell

Benny ‘Borracho’ Magalon

Patrick Zweig

Will be friendly to the best of his abilities but will struggle with the fact that he's still in love with you

Steve Rogers

Andy Barber

Jonathan Levy

George Russell

Harvey Specter

Jake Seresin

Eddie Munson

Josh Lyman

Rhett Abbott

Anthony Bridgerton

Will make you fall back in love with him with one smile, sweeping shoulder touch, and a soft but meaningful, “Long time, no see...How are you?”

Benny Miller

Bradley Rooster Bradshaw

Will Miller

Bucky Barnes

Rafael Barba

Christopher Pike

Frankie Morales

Marcus Pike

Matt Murdock

Poe Dameron

Art Donaldson

[angelseraphines]

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ fandoms & characters I write for ੈ♡˳

the characters I'm currently writing for will be marked purple. my favorite characters to write for will be marked purple & bolded

if the character you're looking for isn't listed here, but still belongs to one of the fandoms here, I may still be open to writing for them, just ask!

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ A SONG OF ICE AND FIRE ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ aemond targaryen, aegon 'the elder' targaryen, daemon targaryen, jon snow, robb stark, edmure tully, jaime lannister, oberyn martell, stannis baratheon, daemon blackfyre, aegon 'the conqueror' targaryen, maegor targaryen, brynden 'bloodraven' rivers

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ THE WALKING DEAD ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ negan smith, rick grimes, daryl dixon, glenn rhee, shane walsh

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ STAR WARS ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ anakin skywalker, obi-wan kenobi, han solo, luke skywalker, din djarin, kylo ren, poe dameron, qui-gon jinn

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ PEAKY BLINDERS ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ thomas shelby, luca changretta, arthur shelby, john shelby, michael gray, alfie solomans

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ SUPERNATURAL ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ dean winchester, sam winchester, john winchester

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ NARCOS ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ javier peña, steve murphy

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ HANNIBAL ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ hannibal lecter, will graham

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ GLADIATOR ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ marcus acacius, lucius, commodus, emperor geta, maximus

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ JAMES BOND ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ le chiffre, james bond, agent c, lyutsifer safin

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ INDIANA JONES ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ indiana jones, jürgen voller, réne belloq

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ RED DEAD REDEMPTION 2 ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ arthur morgan, dutch van der linde, john marston, hosea matthews, javier escuella, micah bell

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ LOST ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ james ford, jack shepard, sayid jarrah

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ HARRY POTTER ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ severus snape, sirius black, remus lupin, james potter, lucius malfoy

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ SQUID GAME ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ hwang in-ho, cho sang-woo, seong gi-hun, park gyeong-seok, hwang jun-ho, lee myung-gi, kang dae-ho, choi su-bong

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ MONEY HEIST KOREA ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ berlin, the professor, denver, rio, moscow

╭┈─ ◌ೄ◌ྀ ˊˎ ALICE IN BORDERLAND ✧ ˚ · .

╰┈➤ ryohei arisu, shuntaro chishiya, suguru niragi, chota segawa, daikichi karube, morizono aguni, keiichi kuzuryu, takeru danma

[myesc8petw0rld]

My Favourite Multiple Characters Preferences/Reactions

@okay-j-hannah

They Love You’re Curvy Merlin, Arthur Pendragon, Paul Atreides

They Give You Practice Kisses Bucky Barnes, Steven Grant, Marc Spector, Loki

You Give Them Neck Kisses Steven Grant, Theseus Scamander, Spencer Reid

You Give Them Neck Kisses Loki, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black

@darling-i-read-it

React to Having a Crush on a Very Flirt Girl Benoit Blanc, Ramsay Bolton, Erik Lehnsherr, Newt (MR) and Norman Bates

Reacting to You Sitting on Their Lap and Ask for a Kiss Adrian Chase, Jesper Fahey, Darkling and Billy Hargrove

Reacting To Neck Kisses and a Good Massage Matt Murdock and Bruce Wayne

Reacting to Neck Kisses Charles Lee Ray, Aaron Hotchner, Indiana Jones, Dorian Gray and The Dark

Getting Jealous and Confessing Their Feelings Loki, Dr. Strange, Homelander and the Darkling

If you know someone to put in my rec list, let me know

[doubledeadstudio]

Hello, happy holidaysヾ(＾∇＾) I apologize for this being a long question but I've been thinking for a long time and I really have to ask if you would ask the RH crew (Mars, Abel and Fleur too if that's okay) for book and/or movie recommendations, what would they give ? If it's not a spoiler, what media inspired their depiction, if any? I want to practice English so I find new things I like, and I hope my words make meaning when I use translation. Have a happy holiday (づ ᴗ _ᴗ)づ♡

Happy Holidays! This is so sweet. Good luck on your language journey.

Recommendations:

Crux Hertz - The Ritual (2017) or Bones and All (2022) (movie), Siddharta by Hermann Hesse or No Longer Human by Osamu Dazai (books)

Black Lumaban - Mad Max: Fury Road (movie), The Conquest of Bread by Peter Kropotkin (book)

Vincenzo Fontana - Possession (1981) (movie), The Picture of Dorian Gray by Oscar Wilde or Lolita by Vladimir Nabokov (book)

Florentin Blanchett - The Substance (2024) or Dead Ringers (1988) (movie), Stiff by Mary Roach (book)

Abel Valencia - American Psycho (2000) or Wolf of Wall Street (2013), no books because he's stupid but I will give a TV show... Desperate Housewives

Inspirations:

So, the thing about this is really complicated because I'm an avid art fan and I consume all sorts of media, from books to movies to tv shows and music. Generally, I get a concept then my brain starts piecing things together. (Crux is the hardest to explain because he originally started off as the child of two of me and my husband's oldest OCs... and he became a whole separate beast on his own.)

But I can give characters that really remind me of them!

Crux - Sans (Undertale), Gojo (JJK), Loki (Marvel), Shawn Spencer (Psych) (This is the worst list of all time), also Markus (Red Embrace:Hollywood), and Lee (Bones and All). Hozier and Will Wood remind me of his aesthetic.

Black - Guts (Berserk), Lio Fotia (Promare), Fenris (Dragon Age), Warren Peace (Sky High), Bigby (Wolf Among Us), Juri (Utena). For music, grandson has his vibes.

Vincenzo - Lestat (Interview with a Vampire), Orin (Baldur's Gate 3), Gilbert (Kaze to Ki no Uta), Mahito (JJK), Alois Trancy (Black Butler), Ryo Asuka (Devilman Crybaby). His storyline was largely inspired by HP Lovecraft's Dreams of Witch House. For music, near everything by Emilie Autumn and Mindless Self Indulgence.

Abel - Ashley (The Boys), Rhys (Tales from the Borderlands), Nathan (Life is Strange). (I won't lie, a huge part of him is directly inspired to parody Right Wing pundits lolol) For music, no lie, Laufey and Lana del Rey, LMAO.

Florentin - Griffith (Berserk), Viktor Frankenstein, Dr Herbert West (Re-Animator).

~~~

For Mars:

Hello, Clovis here, creator of Mars! Thank you for the interest! Mars likes classic films with lots of sexuality and violence. Kill Bill, Pulp Fiction, Chicago (he loves a good musical if it isn't too sugary-sweet). He'll go for the stereotypical Dad Movies too as long as he thinks they're suave enough, like James Bond and Indiana Jones. For books, he reads a lot more than you'd think and enjoys being well-read, but let's say A Song of Ice and Fire, because there's political drama and everyone's suffering. (Their misfortune and crushed innocence amuses him.)

Mars is inspired heavily from the Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood depiction of Greed. While not a direct inspiration (I've had the character for years), Sukuna from Jujutsu Kaisen is hilariously similar to him. Vintage mafia movies are where a lot of his aesthetic comes from. If you like crime thrillers, I would highly recommend the television show Fargo for bastard men that you love to hate, are scary as hell, and are darkly comedic. — Clovis @VileFable

[probadbatch]

Time for some more Phee love

I have to admit that I was not a Phee fan at first. Wanda Sykes is one of those people who just gets on my nerves for absolutely no reason so when I saw she was going to be in TBB, I was less than thrilled. And her first introduction didn't really have me changing my mind. But I enjoyed the Indiana Jones episode (Entombed? I think?) with her and started to like her just a bit more then. She was kinda fun.

And then I saw Pabu.

The way she melted into the squad like she had always been there was huge for me. She gets these guys. They like her. They work well together. And the way she cared about Omega? Wanting her to get normal childhood experiences like friends her own age who aren't related to her? She wasn't just trying to get a backup team from the boys. She genuinely cared about them.

And then she offered the squad her home. They needed a place to belong and she gave it to them without even hesitating. And when we get there, we learn that she's not just a pirate making a quick buck for herself. Oh sure, she'll do that too but she does have values and she cares about a lot more than what she can get for herself.

There is a depth to Phee that takes a few episodes to find but once you see it, it's clear that she is a good and decent person. She's brash and blunt and courageous and loyal. She's adventurous and fun and she's never met a challenge she wasn't up for. She's guarded and cautious with her heart and she is so open and loving and generous when she finds someone worth trusting.

For heck's sake, she bickers with her droid endlessly but how many times has she rebuilt Mel? More than once, we know for sure. Phee loves fiercely and wholly and she will go to the ends of the galaxy for those she cares about.

And oh goodness I do love that she's still there for the squad this season. It would have been so easy to walk away after losing her primary link to them but she stayed. She's there so fully and so unflinchingly that it's obvious she never even thought twice about it. Phee shows up when they need her most and they tell her they want to do something that is frankly suicidal and doesn't even blink - sounds like fun, sign her up, let's do it! They didn't even have to ask her to tag along. All they really asked for was a ride off Pabu. But there was never a question that she would be there with them, for them, with whatever they needed.

She's the kind of character that makes me like the actress who plays her, despite my previous opinions. I don't know about you guys but for me, that is a short list with scarce company.

Phee is one of the best.

[max--phillips]

Indiana just launched a “snitch line” for people to report schools for teaching about LGBTQ issues, Black history, and other topics.

On Monday, the AG, Todd Rokita, launched this “Eyes on Eduction” portal where students, parents, and teachers alike can report… “objectionable curricula, policies, or programs affecting children.” While they hide behind the suggestion that this is to stop “political ideology - either left or right” from being forced on kids, we all know that this is really a tip line for parents to complain that someone told their kid gay people exist or slavery was a real thing that happened to Black people.

I’m not going to lie, despite this being from the office of the attorney general, I don’t think this is much more than a wall of shame functionally. The AG’s office looks at submissions, takes the credible ones, and publishes them on the portal for anyone to see. The PDFs of the so-called evidence also include names of teachers.

Anyway, unsurprisingly, people have been flooding the portal with junk submissions, as pointed out by the wonderful Erin Reed (@/ErinInTheMorn on Twitter) in her article on the portal:

A report that Godzilla was witnessed with a trans flag

Indiana Jones slapping a Nazi

A report of a famous picture of Trump next to Rudy Giuliani in drag

Multiple reports citing the Bible for teenage pregnancy

A confession purporting to be from Breaking Bad character Walter White

The script for the Bee Movie (classic)

The script to Oppenheimer

The script for Eurotrip, with a note not to tell Scotty

Young Sheldon saying “Bazinga”

So ALL OF THAT IS TO SAY. Here's another link to the portal. Whatever you do, don't add to the list above and flood the portal, making it nearly impossible for the poor AG's office to sort through all the submissions and find credible submissions! That would be sooo uncalled for.

Anyway, side note for you: if you're thinking to yourself, "damn, Todd Rokita, that name sounds awfully familiar," you may be thinking of the time in 2022 he said he was going to investigate Dr. Caitlin Bernard for providing an abortion procedure to a 10 year old girl who had fled Ohio to receive care because Ohio's abortion ban did not provide an exception for minor children who became pregnant as a result of rape. Ultimately, Indiana state courts found him to have violated the law and engaged in attorney misconduct due to his public statements on the situation. Yet, he is still AG. This guy has sucked as long as I can remember. He was Secretary of State of Indiana from 2002-2010, then he was a member of the US House of Representatives from Indiana's 4th district (which my hometown is unfortunately a part of) from 2011-2019, and has now been AG since 2021. For perspective, I was born in 1997--the year he joined the Secretary of State's office as general counsel, then later became deputy secretary of state. He's been doing his damndest to ruin this state as long as I've been alive.

Also, his birthday is Friday (February 9th) according to his wikipedia page. Definitely don't give him any birthday presents by way of the submission portal, okay? Good talk

[peacekeeperangel]

The CRK Pirate OC Challenge!

Hello everyone! So I've set up a little list of prompts for writing/drawing for all these Pirates I've been seeing wandering across my field as of late. But I'm going to make it a little more interesting.

If possible please either pick up four Six-Sided dice or use this dice generator and roll out a random number- that number will be your prompt! Cause pirates live on chance y'see?

If you take this challenge please do not read your options before you roll, but if you are uncomfortable with the result do go ahead and re-roll. Thank you and I hope you enjoy these prompts

1. Lunch! Your crew is having a meal in the ship’s mess. Do they behave themselves? What are they eating? BONUS: you show either the Cooking process or the cleanup

2. Dead End Race- your oc is sailing in competition with other oc pirate crews! (Bonus: What is the prize at the end?)

3. Your Crew have somehow made it to the Vanilla Kingdom! Costume swap for the win? (Note: If you don’t follow the CRK game/lore feel free to re-roll)

4. Soon May the Wellerman Come~ pick an appropriately sea-themed song for this prompt!

5. UNO REVERSO! Your OC has done a complete 180! What do they look/act like now?

6. Someone on the Crew has done a Naughty. How does your OC punish their sailor? 7. Sea Monster Attack! It’s up to your OC’s crew to save their ship. How does it go?

8. Your OC has gotten sick. Who looks after them and do they behave as a patient? BONUS: How’d they get sick anyway?

9. Your Crew have somehow made it to the Hollyberry Kingdom! Costume Swap for the win? (Note: if you don’t follow the CRK game/lore feel free to re-roll) 10. Someone needs to look after the Cannons. Does it go well or does it go poorly? 11. Bananas and Coconuts. No I will not explain further, your OC must deal with Bananas and Coconuts.

12. Your OC encounters a pool of water that turns everything it touches into solid gold. How did they discover it and how do they deal with it? 13. Your OC encounters a very snooty treacherous noble who has your OC dead to rights. How does your character Jack Sparrow their way out of this one?

14. Draw your OC as a human/meme. If you’re doing this as a writing challenge then you must write a story with as many dad jokes as possible!

15. Drinking Contest! Team up with a friend and have your OC’s in a drinking competition! Decide the winner by rolling a six-sided die, the winner will be whoever rolls higher! (Note: if you’re too nervous to ask anyone, please re-roll)

16. Your OC got into a bind and now must use their Charisma to escape. Are they successful or cringey?

17. Your Crew have somehow made it to the Dark Cacao Kingdom! Costume Change FTW? (Note: if you do not follow the CRK game/lore feel free to roll for a new prompt!)

18. Things are getting Lovecraftian around here. How does your OC cope with the squishy horribleness of it all?

19. A Captain must go down with their ship. Depict the last stand of your OC

20. Mutiny on board! What does your OC do? 21. Your Crew has Made it to the Golden Cheese Kingdom! Costume change for the win? (Note: if you don’t follow CRK game/lore feel free to re-roll)

22. GIANT BOULDER! AKA, your OC’s Indiana Jones moment. How do they handle it?

23. Depict your OC’s proudest moment.

24. Time for bed. Depict your OC sleeping (Bonus: Make it Wholesome/spicy as you see fit) EDIT BONUS: If you have Completed all 24 Prompts you must have the dreaded CABIN FEVER! Draw/write your OC concequences suffering Cabin Fever

[courseyoulovemeyoudontknowme]

Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny (2023, James Mangold)

05/02/2025

[cas-fandoms]

!!CALLING ALL VOICE ACTORS AND MARKIPLIER EGO FANS!!

My name is Caysē/Cas and as some of you have seen I have posted a fanfiction by the name of The Real Last Goodbye which includes my and my friend’s personal ocs, and Mark egos that mare from Who Killed Markiplier, In Space With Markiplier and A Heist With Markiplier.

I’m making an audio series including these characters and the problems that led up to The Real Last Goodbye. The name is currently pending, so suggestions are appreciated.

!!This casting is solely based on volunteers. No one will be getting paid!!

Before you audition, it is imperative that you read The Real Last Goodbye which is located at the bottom of my page.

The voices of Terri and Chloe will be filled by me and my friend, while the others are for you to audition for! You may audition for two characters!

A brief description of the character will be included beside their name as well as an audition line. This line will be recorded as a voice recording (mp3 or WAV) and emailed to castiaub000@student.joshuaisd.org and caysedaelene@gmail.com. You may perform the line with any emotion and with whatever pacing you please.

Recording Ex.: “Hi, my name is F/L (preferred name if you will) and I am auditioning for the character[s] __. Proceed with line.”

Characters holding a major role will have ‘Ⓜ️’ before their name, so please be wary of their importance. Canon characters will be marked with a ‘🖊️’

Auditionable characters:

Dawn: An optimistic young woman with a kind voice that is high pitched but not annoyingly so. Her romantic interest is Illinois | “Well, that’s no way to handle a problem like that! Sometimes you’ve got to ask for help!”

Laury: A shy young woman who has a gentle voice but has some sort of “mommy” take to it. Her romantic interest is Noir(iplier) | “Oh, I see. Well in that case you’d be mistaken. I am not weak, I am shy. There’s a big difference.”

Ⓜ️ Georgia: A particularly bold woman with a British accent. Speaking mannerisms are that of Rarity from My Little Pony. Her romantic interest is Actor Mark and Wilford | “My stars! Don’t scare me like that! You never know how bad a little startle can end!”

🖊️ Yancy: A bold and kind young man with a Brooklyn accent. His romantic interest is Terri | “Hey, hey, let’s not talk to her like that, eh? I wouldn’t somethin’ unsavory to happin’ to youse.”

🖊️ Illinois: An adventurous, cunning and flirtatious take on Indiana Jones. His romantic interest is Dawn| “Now…I haven’t seen anything like you. Which is rare. I’ve seen a lot of things.”

Ⓜ️🖊️ Darkiplier: A quiet and protective man who usually speaks more in his chest (lowly). His romantic interest is Chloe. | “I’ve done lots of things that I regret. Though, my regrets stop at you.” (This actor will also get to play the role of Damien)

Noiriplier: A mysterious detective like man who tends to draw out his sentences. His romantic interest is Laury | “It’s not often that I find something so intriguing, so I’ll let you go. Just this once.”

Ⓜ️🖊️ Actor Mark: A flamboyant and gaudy man who very open mouthed when speaking, always flaunting. His romantic interest is Georgia and Celine | “Oh wow, that’s how you’ve decided to treat me after all the good I’ve done for you? Absolutely unbelievable.”

Ⓜ️🖊️ Wilford: A silly and wild man who exaggerates his words. Think of flailing your head around when speaking. His romantic interest is Georgia and Celine | “Now let’s turn that frown upside down why don’t we? Questions always need answers unless they’re those stupid universe questions. Then they wouldn’t have answers.”

Male presenting voice: Mainly for fill in’s of voices that we will not have.

Female presenting voice: Mainly for fill in’s of voices that we will not have.

—

Please have fun with this!!

Auditions start now! And End January 26th, so please get your recordings emailed! The cast list will be posted on February 2nd.

PLEASE DM OR EMAIL ME IF YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT CHARACTERS OR THE OVERALL PRODUCTION. I WILL GET BACK TO YOU WITHIN 48 HOURS OF YOUR MESSAGE.

BLOW THIS UP Y’ALL!

[distinguisheddwarffriend]

Today on Hobbit-Headcanons:

What would the company of Thorin Oakenshield enjoy about the Modern World?

One of my WIP transports the company to our world shortly before they're supposed to reach Rivendell, and into the apartment of my OFC.

So here is a list of things I think each character would enjoy about the Modern World:

Thorin: Google Maps, Siri (will totally argue with her like she's real), Shows like The Crown, Game of Thrones, but also Bridgerton, Democracy (yes you read that correctly), Rock music

Fili: Birth Control (can finally fuck around without risking the royal lineage), Superhero Movies (has an huuuhe crush on Black Widow), Tinder, Martial Arts, Feminism, Henley shirts to show of his muscles, bars & clubs

Kili : TikTok (LOVES cat videos, Top Content Creator about Archery, 'deep thoughts'/rambling, 'prank my uncle/brother with me', does EVERY challenge, accidental thirsttraps & flustered by the comments), Parkour, Man Buns & (Hipster-) Fashion, LGBTQ+ - Community , karaoke bars, team sports, the zoo

Bofur: modern music (especially pop songs with dirty lyrics), Tumblr (is no. 1 shit-poster), music festivals, arts&crafts blogs, Christopher's Streets Day

Bifur: Google Translate, Modern Medicine, Pain Medication, ASL, RomComs (trust me), helps out in an animal shelter, country music

Bombur: Cooking Shows (has his own Online Show), Kindergarten (he had so many children, the reprieve would be SO appreciated), international foodstuff to try

Dwalin: Guns, MMF, store-bought cookies, sport shows (AGRESSIVE fan for whatever team he randomly picks), Barbecues

Balin: Twitter (the political possibilities!!!), mental healthcare (he's sending the whole line of Durin he had no time for their shit), Spa Days, public schools, classical music

Oin: Modern Medicine (Duh), hearing aids, physiotherapy

Gloin: bitcoins, the stock market, Facebook (posts daily about Gimli)

Dori: hair tutorials, fashion shows, tracking devices (has totally microchipped a drunk Nori at some point)

Nori: hacking, movies with the lovable rogue as the MC (Pirates of the Carribbean, Deadpool etc.), spy movies (duh), the mafia (yes, he becomes a boss within weeks)

Ori: Wikipedia, public libraries, tutorials for EVERYTHING (knitting, cutting your own hair, how to talk to royalty, fancy war cries, you name it), fantasy novels, public schools

Bilbo: Food blogs, the "ignore call"-button, Instagram, university (will mayor in at least three subjects), museums

Gandalf: the Internet as a whole, email/ instant messaging, yard sales, modern weed, museums (has a knack for finding cursed items), adventure movies (after watching Indiana Jones he seriously debated obtaining a whip)

[gaymingwriter]

Halloween With the Egos

(Well, some of them)

This isn’t my entire list of characters I write, but they’re some of my favorites and I’m writing this on the 30th so I don’t have time to write all of them. This is a headcanon list like my Valentine’s Day thing was

I’m trying to get back into writing, so I hope y’all like it

Characters in Order: Darkiplier, Damien, Googleplier, Date Mark, Illinois, Eric Derekson, Yancy, Jameson Jackson

Warnings: One part of Illinois’s is slightly suggestive

Reader is intended to be gender neutral and these headcanons are romantic (with a pre-established relationship). I wrote part of this while sleepy

Darkiplier

- He refuses to dress up

- …he’ll wear little devil horns or something else small if it makes you happy, though

- He’d probably prefer to take you to a fancy Halloween party, but if you wouldn’t like that, he’ll respect it

- If you go to a party, he stays by your side all night

- If you stay home, he’ll either make dinner or order takeout and watch some Halloween movies with you

- He likes horror movies (partially because you hold onto him if you get scared, but he won’t admit it out loud)

- He doesn’t mind at all if you dress up for Halloween. You look dashing and/or lovely and/or cute in your costume, so he certainly isn’t complaining

- Both of you head to bed fairly late

- Overall, a lovely night regardless of what y’all do

Damien

- Similarly to Dark, he’d also prefer to take you to a party. But he’s happy regardless of if you stay home or go to a party

- He’d love to do a couples costume!

- He likes the idea of a sun and moon couples costume. Regardless of which of you is the sun or moon, he thinks it’s fitting

- If y’all do go to a party, he stays with you the whole time. He wants to make sure you’re comfortable

- If y’all stay home, he helps you hand out candy to trick-or-treaters and orders delivery for dinner

- After the trick-or-treaters are all gone, Damien suggests spending the rest of the night watching movies

- Y’all end up sleeping on the couch all cuddled up

Google

- Doesn’t quite understand Halloween at first, but he does get that you find it fun

- He is willing to wear a costume, as long as it isn’t too silly

- You could probably convince him to do a vampire couple’s costume (though he may buffer for a moment, you do look very handsome and/or beautiful in your vampire costume after all)

- He’s content with staying home and handing out candy to any trick-or-treaters with you

- Afterwards, you can watch movies together and order takeout

- You fall asleep with him holding you on the couch

- Google likes Halloween now

Date Mark

- He suggests a couples costume before you October even starts

- He finds the most cheesy and sappy costumes ever

- Wants to be peanut butter and jelly because “we go together perfectly, just like peanut butter and jelly! <3”. This man is just too adorable sometimes

- You agree, much to his delight

- He halfway wants to make it a date night, but you remind him that there’ll be trick-or-treaters showing up

- He settles for takeout and candles on the table

- When you do start giving out candy, he gets some fold-up chairs so you two can sit close together without being on the ground

- After that, you watch a movie (he found a Halloween romance movie, and really wanted to watch it with you)

- Y’all fall asleep holding each other

Illinois

- He practically begs you to do an Indiana Jones related couples costume

- You agree and find a character you like to dress up as

- Illinois would love it if you dressed as a love interest (a genderbent version is completely fine with him if you’d prefer that of course), but he really won’t complain either way

- He does joke that you could always wear less clothes, but he shuts up when you playfully pull his hat down over his eyes

- He makes you dinner before the trick-or-treaters start showing up

- You make some cookies for the both of you

- After an hour or so of handing out candy, y’all leave a bowl of candy out so you can go back inside and watch movies

- After you bring the bowl in, y’all head to bed

Eric

- He would absolutely love to do a couples costume with you, but he’s a little shy bringing it up

- He gets much less shy when you tell him that you’d like to do a couples costume with him

- The two of you pick angel and devil costumes (him being the angel, of course)

- Y’all both have a lot of fun planning the night

- Eric makes some Halloween cookies, and you make dinner

- Y’all pass out candy to trick-or-treaters for a couple hours, before retiring to the living room

- As cute as falling asleep together in the living room would be, both of you agree that your room is more comfortable

- Y’all fall asleep to a campy and fun Halloween movie in there

Yancy

- So, he’s out on parole. He hasn’t had a normal Halloween since he was a kid

- Jokingly, one of you suggested that you two dress as prisoners for Halloween

- …at some point, it stopped being a joke

- He took a couple of his old prison uniforms and let you try them on

- If they’re too big or the right size, you use it as your costume. If it’s too small, you find some very similar clothes to wear

- Regardless, Yancy thinks you look adorable and/or pretty and/or handsome in his clothes. He does understand if you’d prefer clothes in your own size if his isn’t right, though

- Tonight, his tattoos on his knuckles say “Bats” and “Dark”

- (They just change somehow, neither of you really question it. You assume there aren’t many four letter Halloween related words)

- You order delivery for dinner

- Yancy had a lot of fun handing out candy to trick-or-treaters for the first time

- Y’all spend the rest of the night watching Halloween movies together <3

Jameson

- Poor Jameson has a love/hate relationship with Halloween

- He loves the holiday itself, but his run-ins with Anti all those years ago has made him a bit cautious

- You reassure him that everything will be okay, and that the two of you don’t need to do anything big

- Y’all find some 1920s style costumes and modern clothes so the two of you can do an “outfit swap” of sorts

- (Hell, if your clothes are the right size, y’all might as well just swap actual clothes. You’ll both probably get flustered seeing each other in your clothes, though)

- He had also crocheted some little Halloween related plushies, teaching you a little if you don’t already crochet

- He carved a small pumpkin with you. He really does love carving pumpkins, but he’s been cautious since that Halloween that Anti took control of him

- You’re very proud of him <3

- Y’all spend that night handing out candy to trick-or-treaters and relaxing at home until you fall asleep

[midnightsun-if]

If the MC was to dress up as something sexy for Halloween what specific costumes would cause the RO’s to lose all control the minute they saw MC in it?

Koda: I think he’d love to see you in something regarding like a homey feel, you know? Something that he could derive comfort in just by looking at you. Plus, it’s an added bonus that he knows the costume itself is comfortable too.

Scarlett: Your birthday suit? As it is her birthday and truly that’s the only thing that’d make the entire day better. Of course, it’d only be a sight for her. (In a more serious note, I think Scarlett would love seeing you in something that’d link you to her; even if it means she’d have to dress up in couples costume.)

Cyrus/Cyra: Anything to do with fire or fire adjacent characters. It’s something that’d bring them immense joy at seeing you in a symbol that means so much to them. They’d just have to show their appreciation for it.

Quinn: Honestly? If you dressed like you were going to yoga or on a run… That’d do it for them. They have a very low bar when it comes to those sort of things, but they can’t deny how they love seeing the yoga pants hug you just right.

Caden: I don’t know if they truly have a preference. Halloween has never truly been something they’ve paid attention to— probably due to being a Phantom and not needing to add another spooky thing on their list. As long as you like what you’re wearing? That’ll do.

Sloane: Maybe dressed as a biker? Seeing you in all that leather would definitely do things to them. But, I can also see them enjoying see you dress up as classic adventure characters too— Lara Croft/Indiana Jones (that sort of thing).

Blake: The classic sexy things… Sexy nurse, sexy angel, sexy devil, etc. They’re quite predictable in that way but you could be dressed as a nun and they’d still find you absolutely irresistible.

Regina/Reginald: They are a diehard comic book junkie and would absolutely die if the MC dressed up as a hero or villain. (Honestly they’d try to rope the entire dorm into going as DC Heroes/Villains or Marvel Heroes/Villains.)

[confoundedluna]

got that until dawn ps3 version quote list for y'all Finally

it is Just as stupid and ridiculous as the final version and it deserves appreciation too - this post might be longer than the other actually since this version has more chapters, we shall see, and the characters seem to talk to themselves a lot, plus I want to call out More of the dialogue since it's lesser known overall compared to the final game

again, please note these aren't in any particular order, I think they're Mostly chronological per character, I just type them as they come up in the videos and the videos are a bit odd in the way the chapters play out (one video is like. chapters 1, 4 and 5, another is 1, 6 and 7, it's just too awkward to be flipping between videos to watch everything in full order), since a lot are incomplete or need multiple builds to showcase everything they can, but I put together a playlist that was Mostly the order the chapters should be in, including different versions of each chapter in case anything changed across the different builds that I might want to take note of

also please note that some of these i typed based off how the subtitles are written and some off of how the lines are delivered - some of them switch the word order or use like a shortened version of a word or whatever, some lines have dialogue that isn't properly subtitled or has an automated voice reading them rather than an actual actor's delivery, I'm sorry if it's inconsistent but that's just how it's gonna be, i might not notice which version of the quote I used but it's basically the same thing so deal with it lmao

and like last time, let me know if i missed or skipped anything you think should be on this list! I tried to be a bit conservative with how many lines I used and go for just the funniest stand out ones or the ones that carried over, either fully or partially, to the finished game

okay enough disclaimers and apologies and shit, on to the quotes!

CHRIS

(SAM: I thought you were dead!) Well that's a fine thing to say to someone.

Wow. Safety. My mind is blown.

A-ha! And here we have the mysterious graphite spray.

It is believed that seances derive their mystical power by channeling the kinetic energy created by nude bodies... gathered as offerings to the occult, particularly those of young, teenage women. Ghosts are typically not concerned with the nude bodies of pasty young men, so if there are any ladies present, would you please remove your shirts and pants-

I'm beginning to think our friendly ghost is dyslexic.

This isn't a video game, Ash! Not everything's a clue!

There's a place in France where the ladies don't wear pants... (ASHLEY: Oh my god, how old are you?)

(ASHLEY: Look at this! Isaiah 11:6!) Is that a baseball thing? Like the signs at games? (ASHLEY: Uh, no, Chris, it's a Bible thing. You know, like a verse?) Oh, that's what those are. We should read it, right? The baseball Bible thing?

(ASHLEY: Look at this lectern, there's all sorts of animals on it.) It's like Noah's ark. Or that channel with all the animals on it.

(ASHLEY: Yep, it's all here. Fire and brimstone.) Blah blah blah, obey all my commands, blah blah blah, kill all your sons and daughters! (ASHLEY: What Bible did you read?) The cool one, duh!

Hey, I got it! See how this rotates? We could line up the animals like it says in the verse! (ASHLEY: Maybe all those hours in Sunday school paid off.) Absolutely. Not.

This just got totally Indiana Jones on us...

I know the human body has a surprising amount of blood in it, but damn.

Someone's been hunting. Guess they don't need a freezer out here.

Alright, handles all around I guess...

Holy shitballs.

I gotta say, this is not the most sensible thing I've ever done in my life.

Maybe we can find the book that the page belongs to. And find the jerk who ripped it out.

(ASHLEY: What is this, chemistry class?) I don't know about you, Ash, but I always like to leave my dangerous chemicals in a food preparation area.

Phew! See, look at that, nothing out there but the wind. (STRANGER: Sometimes the wind is not to be trusted.) Yeah well you would say that wouldn't you...

Do we just seem like slabs of meat to them? Like in old cartoons when one guy would be starving and the other guy would suddenly turn into a T-Bone steak? (STRANGER: Your thoughts wander uncomfortably far for someone walking through the dark in the W's territory…) Well that's precisely why I'd rather think about cartoons...

Brrr it's so cold out here... I guess it's better being cold than dead... though if I get any colder I might wish I was dead...

No more psychos and saw blades and crazy TV rooms and weird skinny monsters and no more snow and no more screaming hunter dudes.

(ASHLEY: How are you holding up, Chris...?) Miraculously. I mean, I'll probably collapse the second I start to think about anything that's been going on. (SAM: Then don't think about it.)

Ash... Even if Jess was down there I don't think it would be a good idea for us to climb into a mysterious hole in the wall...

We just want to get through this. Together, Ash...

ASHLEY

(SAM: Do you think Em is gonna say something about all this?) Knowing Em... she's gonna say plenty...

I tried to join chess club but I wasn't cool enough.

Cannibalism?! Who would buy a book like that? Who would even write a book on cannibalism? (CHRIS: A cannibal...?)

I don't care what it is- why does he keep doing this to us?!

This is our fault... we can't save him, it's our fault!

Not cool. Not cool.

Where does an elevator even go down here?

Bats... I mean, how in the heck are bats down here?

'A week in the mountains' he said, 'we'll get drunk, it'll be fun'...

Ohhh, I hate creepy noises!

They're crazy if they think they're going to find Josh and the stupid key... (SAM: Emily seemed to think she had a pretty good idea of where to look...) Yeah but she's Emily, Sam! When does she ever do anything that isn't some sort of weird selfish game- (SAM: Em seemed pretty shaken up, Ash, she's just trying to help-) She's trying to get us killed. We're all going to die up here. All of us.

(SAM: Just keep going, Ash, just keep going. It's right ahead of us.) It so does not feel like it's right ahead of us.

You've seen Mike with a gun, he seems pretty confident...

Well Sam, there doesn't gotta be another way- I mean we can hope there's another way...

(SAM: Pull it open!) I'm trying! What are you doing?! Don't hurt yourself not helping!

SAM

Ah-yep... limbs are still working.

Bim bam boom! There, fixed it for you.

That was hellacious.

She's usually pretty cool. Seems more like she's nursing a massive crush. (CHRIS: You mean Mike?) Ummm... yeah? Come on, she's sitting out there like a little lost puppy waiting for him.

Is she really being that big of a bitch to him?

(CHRIS: Wicked Witch of the West.) Right? I wish someone would drop a house on her. (CHRIS: That was the Wicked Witch of the East.) Did you seriously just correct me on that?

I can't believe Emily is hooking up with Matt. Didn't really expect her to go full meathead after breaking up with Michael.

Hey, did you get the sense that Jess and Mike are gonna have a uh... 'political summit' on this trip...?

Josh... having a little trouble getting the key into the hole?

(JOSH: I know Sam... I'm sorry... my fingers feel like they're gonna break off...) Do you want me to warm your fingers up so you can get the lock open?

Hello...? Hey guys, is that you? What are you guys doing? Being creepy...?

Hey?! I'm getting a little creeped out here fellas...

Someone help me, I'm stuck in here with a maniac!

I guess Josh needs kind of like a 'time-out' after what he did to us, but...

Okay. That does it. Door is locked. Nothing in or out.

Are you crazy? Or just stupid? You go out there and you're dead. In here we can at least wait- (MIKE: Until what? Come on, Sam.) Until dawn.

(EMILY: How did you find us?) You were making a total ruckus. Emily, I'm not sure you got the memo about the stealth mission.

Perfect. A giant hole.

(EMILY: Be careful...) As opposed to...?

(EMILY: You having a good time up there, Sam?) It's a god damn party.

Don't scream- don't scream- don't scream- (EMILY: I can't help it, I can't-)

Empty. Could have been one of us in there...

Okay Mister Elevator, let's see what we're working with here...

Wow. Now that's more like it. This is baaaaaadass.

Come on already, where is that fricking code?

Come on girl. You'd look good with that in your hands. Don't be shy.

Hey... bout time I found the Big Boy firepower.

I am so done with this place.

Get me outta here. Gotta find the cable car.

Get me out of here. Just get me to the first floor.

I just want to be on the ground, not up here.

Stairs? Ladder? Elevator? Escalator? Just need to get down to the ground floor.

I need out. Find my way to the cable car.

Gotta find the ground floor.

You guys look starved. Let me just fire up the grill.

MIKE

All ye who enter must pay the toll! Take off your pants!

(CHRIS: Maybe I can get a signal long enough to download a manual for one of these things.) ...Nerd alert, amirite?

(CHRIS: Nature calls.) Did you give her my number?

You throw like a- (JESS: Don't say it!) Was just gonna say you throw like a- (JESS: Don't!) ...throw like a beautiful, enchanting woman!

Awww! That's one to show the grandkids, right? (JESS: Don't get ahead of yourself, mister.) I wouldn't dream of it.

You wanna hear a joke? (JESS: Sure! I love to laugh.) Okay. So, how many librarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb? (JESS: Dunno, how m-) Shhh!!! (JESS: Really? Ugh.)

(JESS: Goddamn batteries! Shake it, that usually helps! Awesome!) Shake-powered batteries? Who knew.

I wonder what's down there. Ah, I bet it's just a bunch of pickaxes and old cart tracks and miner bones and ghosts of miners, and miner curses and... Woah. Get a grip dude. Class President.

Look at that. (JESS: What're all those symbols?) I think they're ancient. (JESS: Ancient what?) Ancient symbols. (JESS: Such insight...)

I'm not super thrilled at the idea of bears hanging around and crashing our party.

Looks like the path is a little blocked up. (JESS: What do you mean?) Well, it's got all this... tree in the way.

Where'd you go? Jessica? You've got at least five good minutes left until I bring out the waterworks.

This looks like the work of a bear. I do not like the way bears work.

Jess, hon? I promise I totally won't murder you when I find you. Maybe just a little.

So cold out here, but I'm sweating! Is that normal?

(JESS: You're trying to just freak me out, aren't you?) What? Why? (JESS: To get in my pants.) Yes, I would like to scare the pants off you.

So... One time I jumped over a crazy deep ravine on my bike. All the kids from the neighbourhood came out. Some local news too. Everyone thought I wasn't going to make it. (JESS: But you did?) Nope. Totally died. Been dead six years now. (JESS: You're lying.) Am I, though? (JESS: ...yes? ... Right?) There's only one way to find out...!

We're all alone in here, babe. Just you and me... the Presidential suite. (JESS: Well, Mr President, the lights don't work. And I'm freezing!)

Someone really doesn't like things to stay in one piece around here. Why would someone tear this up?

My jaw's chiselled enough already, but still, it could be useful.

Well, I've found the killer bathtub. Jesus, what did I think would be in there?

Woah. Check out the crazy sex book they have up here.

What is this? Ms. Dunkle's tenth grade science project?

Well, we're here now, so we might as well make use of the amenities. (JESS: Like the bed?) Yeah, I'm thinking mostly the bed.

Alright, madame, is there anything else that you require, or shall I retire to my quarters? (JESS: You're not going anywhere.) Madame requires additional services? (JESS: I can think of a few.)

Huh. Turns out our monster is just a broken branch. Guess it must have seen us and gotten jealous.

(JESS: Finally I have your attention.) The Vice President is standing by. (JESS: Well, why don't you bring him into the Oval Office?) Let's sign this bill into law!

Gotta stay calm. Focused. Get out of this rotten pit.

Crap, what are you doing Mikey, what's wrong with you... this asshole killed Jess... he should pay for that... but nobody's gonna pay for anything unless you get out of here in one piece, buddy...

Stay cool, Mikey. Stay cool.

(groans) Unngh… Either I'm getting weaker or doors are getting heavier…

Come on Sir Mike. Don't be such a wimp. Think about Jessica.

He could be waiting for me… it would be wise for me to tread lightly in the lion's den.

Just stay on your guard Potus… Stay alert…

Let's go, Mikey, let's go.

Gravity's my co-pilot on this one.

Aww… god… smells like something died in here, came back to life, ate its own corpse and then threw it all up…

Well well well. Here we are again. Sometimes wandering around in circles ain't so bad.

This is the creepiest rehearsal space I've ever seen.

Alright, keep your head Mr. President. Calm under pressure…

Ah great, another scenic wing of 'le castle de dilapitacion'.

Alright… look at that. Now we're getting somewhere. Don't know where, but somewhere.

Births and deaths, 1905. Some light bedtime reading for when we get through this.

Man, I can't even skip lunch without becoming a hungry monster, how did these guys feel over 23 days. Wait, no, i don't want to think about it.

Hey! Proper old school photo. Ain't that many left that roll with this kind of geddup anymore.

Chris was killed right in front of us, Jack the monster hunter was torn to pieces and now we're just waiting around like sitting ducks? No. We have to get off the mountain. Now.

Boom! For the win.

(EMILY: Ugh. I hate this place.) Admittedly, they have let it go... (EMILY: Yeah, they haven't dusted in years down here...)

Ah, seems like patient number four was suffering from a bout of being too extraordinary.

I'll tell you what. If the patients weren't completely nuts when they checked in, this place would drive them crazy.

(EMILY: Alright, so how are we gonna get out of here?) Scream and cry like girls?

Pe-culiar? That's actually like a for real medical term? Must have been Charlie Cheswick's records.

I wonder how far your gums have to recede before they start measuring them. If I'm reading this right, this guy must have looked like a dollar store Halloween mask. Wouldn't want to meet these chompers in a dark alley. Or terrifying sanitorium.

If wishes were horses beggars would be cowboys. (CHRIS: Woah. You did not just say that.) That guy Jack had some pretty catchy phrases don't you think?

EMILY

(CHRIS: We just saw Jessica, down by the cable car.) Ugh. Any more perfume on that B and you'd think she was a bachelorette party.

My lips are already so chapped. (MATT: I can kiss them and make them better.) In your dreams Loverboy.

Oh my god, are you gonna swallow his face whole? We're all here! How much more of your crap can we take?

Listen you little slut, maybe because I am not on crack I can see what you're doing.

I don't have to spy when clearly you're showing off with your tongue halfway down his throat.

(JESS: You heard what I said.) Why don't you say it again to my face you bitch?

You do whatever you want. If there's a crazy murderer running around then I'm going to get the hell out of here. (MATT: Maybe he's right, Em-) Do you want me to go out there all alone, Matt? Because I will.

We'll take the cable car to go get help, dummy. Come on.

This is totally crazy Matt. This is totally crazy. My head is spinning.

Ugh. It's freezing out here. I did not pack for this.

I wish Chris and Ashley were more helpful. (MATT: Em, you hardly gave them a chance-) You know, I'm just trying to help the situation.

I just can't believe it's happened again! I mean like, is this family cursed? (MATT: Yeah the whole mountain feels cursed.)

Okay, you done good Matt. Took you a while, but you done good.

Look, if you're not gonna call for help, then maybe you should at least get some tunes going for us to listen to while we sit here and freeze to death can you please just get the radio working Matt oh my god oh my god!

Oh my God, stop talking like you're in a movie. Are you pushing the right button? Is there even a signal?

Wow. These clothes are all torn up. And I don't think it's because they were ripped off the sale rack in a shopping spree…

Ugh. Why do these machines always have to be so complicated?!

Ahhh! Jesus… them's the brakes.

Oh come on batteries… stick with me just a little longer…

Ugh… are those… bite marks on the bones? As in like… eating marks?

This is hell. That's all there is to it. Hell. I fell into hell and there are devils wandering around who will poke me with their forks.

Okay, keep quiet, Em. Put a lid on it. Don't want to attract attention...

Juuuust stay quiet... What would Princess Emilia do? I'll tell you what she'd do: she would stay quiet. Shhhh.

Wow. Good thing I checked my claustrophobia at the door. This is gonna be tight. I guess it's either through this little hole or turn around and face Mr Sunshine out there. Hmm. Excellent options!

I gotta try it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained, right Miss A-student beauty queen and all around hottie?

Bingo! Done. Voila. QED. Hee haw. Locked and loaded. That is how we roll. You go girl. Aaaaannnnd... Cut it. Print it. Saved. Vamos!

Top...! It's the top! Mine top... tip top top of the mine...! No more shaft just... this place! I'm out of the mine! ...Back to the lodge! Back to the fires and warmth and friends! Oh little lodge, I missed you so much... how do I get out of here?

(MIKE: You locking us in?) I'm locking the baddies out. Can't be too careful. (MIKE: Glad you're sure the baddies are out there and not in here.) Feels good to lock a door...

(MIKE: Wow. I guess I totalled the place huh?) Mikey had a tantrum? (MIKE: When I commit to something, I like to do a thorough job.) Hmmmm. Don't remember you making heaven and earth move for me... (MIKE: Hey. Don't say that...) I'm kidding... You did okay... (MIKE: ...that's better...) ...considering the tool you have to work with... (MIKE: Easy! Easy!)

This whole wing just feels like it was for the real head cases. Right? Like the lost causes. (MIKE: Yeah. It's got a really pleasant vibe in here. Let's keep moving.)

Ew. Ew! His gums were receding?! Didn't he floss?! Some people just do not understand the importance of dental hygiene.

One order of W pâté, comin' up!

Wow, Sam, you're really getting all Rambo on us.

(SAM: Look. The machinery. If we can get those metal containers in a row... we can get across.) You're kidding, right? On those rusty... rust buckets out there?

(SAM: You got it! It's working!) That's right, 'cause I'm the mecha-master! (SAM: Now if we get them lined up... We can just hop right across!) Already on it, Rambo. Or should I say... Sam-bo. (SAM: Ah... no... I don't think you should say that.)

An elevator...! Probably broken. Why is everything on this goddamned mountain falling apart!

(SAM: Looks like we've got find a way across.) Score one for Captain Obvious.

(SAM: We've got one shot to get out of here and we can't screw it up.) Right back at ya, lady.

JESSICA

(CHRIS: What's Mike doing?) He's getting all of our stuff to the lodge. Nails. Just had 'em done.

(SAM: We can help you with the stuff.) Oh that's so nice! But... I kinda like it when Mike does it.

Ugh, finally we're out of that stupid wind. I was freezing my buns off out there. (MIKE: I can help you with those if you like...!)

(MATT: Come on Em, relax.) No, it's not okay Matt. That bitch is on crack or something.

Whatever. I don't have time for jealous bitches.

Fine. Whatever. Anything to get away from that whore. (EMILY: Are you kidding me? I'm the whore?)

Ugh, you know, I can't believe Emily sometimes... why is she such a royal B? How could you have ever gone out with someone like that?

(MIKE: Exiled.) More like sex-iled.

Come on troops, move out.

I wonder if they have any room service up at the cabin. I could so use a triple grande mocha cappuccino right now.

You lit up my night... Now all we need are some fireworks later...

How bout some jams? (MIKE: Whatever puts you in the mood.) This one might be my favourite... Until their next one comes out, then that'll probably be my favourite. (MIKE: That's a really good way of thinking about it.) Thanks! ... ...what?

(MIKE: Josh seemed pretty happy to get rid of us back there, didn't he?) Michael! I had no idea you had such a gossipy side... Is this the politician in you? (MIKE: Politician nothing; the guy's a dick!) Hmm.

I keep having this great thought, but then I keep forgetting it.

Somebody's going to owe me a new outfit.

(MIKE: I didn't know Hannah wore glasses.) Yeah. Just when she wasn't around any cute boys.

I wonder if they deliver take out up here. I mean right here.

Ugh. My shoes are getting so moist.

I wonder what's going on back at the lodge. Everybody's probably doin' it.

Nature's kinda gross.

Is that Orion's belt or is he just happy to see me?

Hah! I'm totally going to tell everyone about your fear of birdies.

Stand back, Debbie downer.

Don't worry, I'll save Woodsgate for the next election.

(MIKE: Some of these planks are pretty rickety.) You know what else is rickety? (MIKE: What?) Your face is rickety. (MIKE: That's a really good one!) Thank you!

(MIKE: Watch your step, Jess.) You know what? You're worse than my mom. My mom!

Boom! Sting like a butterfly and float like a bee.

Wow, look at that old photo. (MIKE: Must be an old mining team.) Looks like they really knew how to... handle themselves. (MIKE: Sounds like you wish you could handle them.) Looks really old. I wonder if they're all dead now. Ugh! So creepy!

(MIKE: Probably faulty wiring or something.) You've got faulty wiring.

Unless you want to make out with an ice sculpture, I suggest you get a fire going. Pronto.

It's so cold in here right now my tongue would get stuck to your flagpole.

I'm cold, I'm bored, and I'm getting rapidly less horny. You want to hurry it up with the fire?

(MIKE: It's so dusty.) No maid service up here? What a rip.

Coldness generally isn't conducive to hotness, Michael... Woah. That sounded, like, deep.

While you were trying to find the right button to push, I found some de-light-ful candles that wonderfully spice up the place and light up all the nooks and crannies... Far more cosy and accommodating, don't you think?

I can't lose my phone, my parents are gonna kill me! (MIKE: You can always get a new one!) That's like my fourth one this year.

Just unfasten it! (MIKE: I can get it! I can get it!) Don't send a man to do a woman's job.

Oh. Those perverted assholes. Why can't they just leave us alone and let us have a perfectly nice time? God! What jerks! (MIKE: Hey, they're just trying to have a good time.) Yeah? Well, so are we!

You guys are such dicks! Are you really that upset with me and Michael that you want to ruin our fun? Huh? Well, guess what? You can't ruin it! Because Michael and I are gonna screw! That's right! We're gonna have sex! And it's gonna be hot! So enjoy it! 'Cause I know we're going to! Ugh.

MATT

Ohhhh! She just got Emily'd!

Wow. Someone had a good time in here.

Why would someone leave a picture of keys where the keys should be?

This place can't just be a huge death trap, right? Cable car can't be the only way in and out of this joint.

Josh had a lot of problems... I think he just wanted to be able to sort things out... and put this all behind us...

So the joke I learned, it's really good, it's about like, a dude, who's got a haircut like the moon, and-

Coyote? Bear? ... Why is that okay?

C'mon, Matt... You don't wanna die down here.

The hell is that… Jessica? (JESS: Matt? Jesus… So it got you too.) Yeah… You okay? (JESS: Hardly...) Let's get the hell out of this place. Look! There! (JESS: Light!) That's the cable car station!

Come on, man... nearly there... nearly there...

JOSH/THE PSYCHO

Come on, lock... My lockpick skills are a little rusty...

This is the most boring break-in ever. You haven't even broken in yet.

Hey! Grit bin! Nice work moving that over here!

Everything all right in there? (CHRIS: Yeah, I'm fine. It's really dirty. And a little freaky.) Sounds like my kind of date! (CHRIS: Offf course it does.)

Dude, come on! Let's open this jawn!

Ahh-hahaha! Dude are you okay? That lil' wolverine almost gave you a paper cut!

(SAM: Hey, those things are known to be vicious sometimes.) Vicious to lil' babies. Lil' Chrissy babies.

(SAM: Thank you Chris.) Thaaaank you Chriiiiis.

Yo! Explorers! You guys are gonna need the keys for the love shack!

As you can see, your friend Josh is now in quite an unfortunate situation. If you wish to see him dead, then do nothing and you may watch him die.

Second... clue... picture if you will... high atop a powdery mountain... the only place possible for a jacked up jock like Matthew to score a... 'big break'...

If you'll please now direct your attention towards the main attraction...

Not much time left before your friend is... perforated...

Congratulations! You've just bought yourself... more time... to watch your friend die...

My my my, didn't you do well! You fought the system and you've won. And what you've won is a prize! You're a lucky winner, come on down!

Well, that's the end, folks. I only wish it could have turned out differently, but, unfortunately, I'm still going to kill your friend because, hey - winners don't play by the rules!

Allow me to introduce myself, I am your host!

Oh, I had fun with them... and now I'll have fun with you... There's nothing wrong with having a little fun, is there?

Samantha, my darling, I don't think your friends are going to help you... I've already had a little fun with them...

Oh what a delight it was watching his life drain away. I wonder if watching yours will be just as fun.

(SAM: What do you want?) I just want a little fun, Sam... so why don't we... mix things up a little... You can have ten seconds to pretend like you're escaping... and then you're dead!

Go on, hide if you like... I know just where you are.

(CHRIS: What do you want from us?!) Well now, Mr Chris... I think you've got the answer right there in front of you.

Oh borrring... You think I didn't bulletproof my machinery?

(CHRIS: You're sick!) Heh heh heh... why thank you, kind sir... but the choice... is yours... play ball!

I'm sorry... so sorry... it's all my fault...

THE STRANGER

It would be wise for you to hear me out.

You seem to listen but not to hear.

You have no chance out there on your own- (CHRIS: I'll just have to take my chances.) Then I'll go with you. Alone would be suicide. (CHRIS: Yeah well you're so special.) I am... experienced.

You do not seem too concerned with saving the life of your friend.

(CHRIS: Have you done this before?) Have I foolishly attempted to free a dead man in the hopes of becoming one myself? (CHRIS: Uh...) You ask questions that are not very useful. (CHRIS: My teachers say the same thing. But yeah, so, have you?) This is not my first barbecue.

He who seeks avoidance finds out what he seeks to avoid. (CHRIS: That's... a really confusing saying.)