#Like so many people my age talk abt not recognizing their parents bc it's not even their words coming outta their mouth anymore

[creepyscritches]

God it's wild how much more progress you make deprogramming other people's parents than your own. I remember there was a post on here a few years ago abt how parents don't listen to their children like they do other people's children, but to see it in action is crazy

[hey-hamlet]

*slides in on socks* hey can we hear more abt that bnha cult au, the one where bc mido is quirkless and the cult town thinks hes better for it

So I’m probably going to be too lazy to actually write that as a full fic, so lemme go find my brainstorming and yeet it here for you all! Under a read more bc this is long and messy.

The whole fic takes place over either 1 or 1.5 months

Quirks = route of evil, those without powers are closest to the divine's intentions and anything subverting them from that should be expunged. Closer to normal you look = purer you are. Izuku is considered near gold standard excluding his green hair

2000 people in the town - 82 are quirkless (marked with a band - where? Wrist, neck or?)

Global quirkless pop = 20% but japan is 5%, much much lower in Izuku's generation, movement has been around since the dawn of quirks - infanticide

100 people statistically would make sense but rate of quirkless births vs quirkless people is very different as many die due to poor patient care

Some members of the town are the grieving parents of people who's quirkless children were killed as doctors didn't listen to them - some of the first people izuku meet

"Hizashi's family" Invite izuku over - they aren't related, it's part of a plot where they look at quirk records to invite the quirkless to join. Those who do not are disposed of in the woods.

The quirkless are treated like royalty, free food + other stuff

Anyone not on board is killed - settlement is new but buildings are old - the prior town was chased out/killed to make room for the cult. They used to meet in normal churches but quirkless supporting cults were cracked down on so they relocated into the woods by taking over a town

Start the fic w izuku getting off the train, Town is called Rishi, based the town off Nanmoku

Mum: Miyatani Haiyu Dad: Miyatani Juzou Daughter: Miyatani Kei

Need a very secretive, insular vibe - the place has no wifi, a church radio station and a townhall

Timeline

Arival Bakugo and Izuku take the train, Bakugo is there bc his mother told him to go: Inko was worried about sending Izuku off alone so she offered up bakugo to play guard dog. Bakugo is pissed. 

Bakugo will have a blow up about being there pretty early, izuku will try and soothe him which will only make him angrier. Is shinsou there? 

Shinsou is coming as well, but later > originally going to meet up w izuku for the first time (shitty foster parents) but wants to shield him from bakugo. Izuku just wants to sleep.

Golden band for the quirkless (ribbon?) “in our town we value good fashioned hard work so we like to give back to the quirkless, this little band lets everyone know the folks we should give a little more to”

Look around town, Izuku alone (shinsou there tomorrow >> all three staying at an inn)

Meet the family, bakugo pissed right off and they talk some smack about him while izuku flounders. “bet he’s got some flashy quirk, huh? Seems like the type. Makes me sick, thinkin they're better just cause they’re -”

Bakugo goes straight to his room to be a piss baby, izuku looks around. They are setting up for a festival. A group of kids teases another with a visible mutation, she cries, izuku tells the kids off and they scatter, she says some concerning stuff izuku is concerned. 

Izuku eats dinner w the family, they talk about how they think he’s gonna like it there, the little kid is cute.

Shinsou rolls into town, they go for a hike, its pretty chill - they have a picnic n shit they have dinner w the family 

Back to room (share one), izuku fiddling w the radio to find mic’s show, find the town’s own radio, they listen: something about  someone being brought into the fold, visitors in town to be treated kindly, a reminder of a church service that week “Hold fast to your faith, the world may slip a little further each day but we shall fight together to bring our faith outwards and bring purity back to the world” 

“Wow that was weird” “Wanna do some research?” “Fuck, sure.” 

They run into bakugo at breakfast, izuku mentions the show and bakugo kinda nods, “you heard it too?” “yeah. Fuckin weird” “We were gonna do some digging -” “Fuck off, I don’t need you two messing with my shit, I’ll look into myself.” “That was almost polite for Bakugo, huh?” 

Maybe timeskip to end of week? 

With the family, doing arts craft with the daughter. Shinso is sleeping off a migraine. They mention church vaguely in the background and Izuku tries to look like he's not listening in.

The daughter brings it up to izuku and the family chuckle and say he’s free to come if he wants but there is no need to rush him.

They eat lunch, the family kinda advertise the town to him, talk about the nice quirkless girl down the street his age, how rare it is for quirkless people to be born in this generation. Izuku vaguely thinks about how nice it would be to live there

Church that night, izuku looks in on shinsou to see he's still sleeping in the dark, goes to bakugo “look i know i’m sorry but they’re having church tonight and i know you were a little interested and i was gonna go anyway -” “I’m coming with because otherwise you’ll be useless.” They decide to sneak around to listen “I was kinda -” “yeah, sure” “wait but -” “oh fuck off, it rubbed me the wrong way too. The weirdos might talk different if they know we’re there.”

Bakugo throws a darker jacket at Izuku, he slips on a beanie and they head out into the woods, walking through to reach the back of the church. They wait 20 minutes after it was supposed to start and creep out, they listen in. 

“We will purge the impure our streets, we will stop this blight and, we will enact god's wrath and spare the pure, letting relieve the purity of the past. We will strike them down in his name, let them know we are his wolves let loose upon the blinded sheep.” 

Bakugo grabs izuku’s arm, they are both pale. They go to run, and a metal sheet falls down. The preacher goes quiet and someone a few people stand and the two of them book it as fast as they can.

They get back to the inn and have a minor freak out, they wake up shinso and they are like “oh shit, oh fuck.” they decide they need proof bc the pros will never listen to them, they become baby detectives 

Bakugo going off at izuku and having the shit scared out of him by a local, izuku steps in and the local backs down instantly, all smiles

One part of the story involves them running through the festival, changing clothes and masks as much as the can to escape the people chasing them.

The cult have a gas that is toxic to anyone with the quirk factor and intend to release it all across japan, starting with their own town. The climax of the story see’s Izuku going it alone through the facility, dead and dying bodies around him, looking out for any quirkless members that will stop him as he tries to find the locations of the canisters containing the gas. 

Aizawa and Nighteye are in the town as well, Bakugo and Shinsou run to them crying ab how Izuku is all alone and they think he’s going to die and oh god they can’t even help him - 

The dumb comedy throughline in this AU is Aizawa and Nighteye have to fake having crushes on each other to explain why they are hanging out so much in secluded areas. They both hate this very much. 

Izuku, who recognized the two heroes On Sight, is having a minor crisis about them both being here and apparently getting handsy behind a 7/11.

[asterekmess]

honestly, my fury at the lack of werewolf culture/history/worldbuilding is worthy of its own post. Let me know if by some ungodly chance, you actually wanna hear my thoughts on it // Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

ohmygod yes, pls, enable me.

SO.

I think I mentioned b4 that Teen Wolf hates werewolves.

This is a show about werewolves like, yeah, sure, they do other plots and stuff. But the main character is a werewolf. The vast majority of the cast are werewolves (at least in the first half of the show). But think about it. What do we actually know about werewolves? They uhh, they shift on the full moon. But like, what about the full moon? Cus’ Scott gets handcuffed to a radiator and he doesn’t shift and break out until the moon comes out from behind the clouds and he screams like it’s excruciatingly painful for him. But then Derek and his Betas are underground during their full moon, and they shift like it’s all fine and dandy (they’re furious, but there’s no pain) and it doesn’t matter whether they can see the moon or not. They, uhh, they’re allergic to wolfsbane/it’s poisonous to them (btw it’s poisonous to literally everyone, just the scent of it is enough to cause seizures and hallucinations in humans. It’s a whole other frustration that they won’t make up their fucking minds abt it. It’s one thing to say that this is some parallel universe where wolfsbane doesn’t poison humans (bc lydia makes them hallucinate with the punch but injesting that much wolfsbane should kill you, and Stiles straight pulls a plant out of the ground; should’ve caused itching, burning, a cough, nausea, fever, headache and More hallucinations) and yet Jackson has to see a doctor and gets told he’s got Aconite Poisoning. So WHAT IS THE TRUTH?) but apparently not enough for Derek not to be able to plant a wolfsbane plant and massive cord of roots (which he would’ve had to tie together himself) in a revenge spiral around Laura’s body. But just being around it causes wolves to lose control. But also there’s supposed to be different strains that do different things? And also sometimes you burn the wolfsbane and it becomes the cure, or you have to burn it out of them or you just cut it out of them? Make UP Your MIND or at least ACKNOWLEDGE that different strains do different things. They get stronger on a full moon. But does that mean they get infinitely stronger with every full moon they experience? Does that mean they get weaker during new moons? They’re stronger in packs. Okay, but they never establish what the fuck a pack is. Is it an agreement? Is it a magical bond? Scott just sort of says people are in his pack. Does that mean they are? Do the humans he knows make him stronger? Just how strong is this bond? Derek makes a claim that “You have your own pack now” so is that a joke, was he mocking scott? Or is he saying that there’s no need for an Alpha and just being a beta with some friends counts as a pack? Apparently they have some kind of...animal magnetism or mind control? Derek uses a funny voice and a guy wakes up from a near coma to look at him with seemingly no control. Peter can force Scott to shift up. Derek forces Isaac to shift down. Derek has an insane amount of control over dogs and makes one lose its fucking mind from like a hundred feet away? Scott makes one calm down, but derek sends attack dogs running with their tails between their legs. Is it actual control or is it just a persuasion? Is it just intimidation? I haven’t even gotten to culture. You’re telling me that we get an entire episode of Allison discovering the entire story behind the Argent clan’s origins as werewolf hunters, why they started, how her name means Silver and apparently that’s where the entire myth of silver hurting werewolves comes from, but we don’t get to know anything about the first werewolves? Where they come from? If they’re a form of evolution or just straight magic or if it’s a curse or a gift from the gods? There’s an entire hidden werewolf population with packs all over the world, but somehow there’s literally no wolf culture? No moon worship? No specific terminology (Alpha, Beta, and Omega are terms used by a really fucking stupid biologist who studied frantic wolves in captivity and cast aspersions on the entire species. He’s been disproven a Thousand Times. NONE of that Alpha, Beta, Omega shit is right. Packs aren’t Hierarchies of Dominance. They’re families. They’re led by two wolves, yes, an “alpha pair” that’s literally JUST THE PARENTS. THE ‘BETAS’ ARE THEIR KIDS. This terminology makes sense if used by HUNTERS who consider werewolves to be mindless dumb animals. WHY THE FUCK would werewolves use it to DESCRIBE THEMSELVES?) besides the absolute minimum of ‘I caught a scent?’ Are you serious? Then there’s werewolf ages. Oh my god that was so fucking lazy. Saying that werewolves don’t age like humans, but that Cora is seventeen “by human standards” WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? I’ve seen theories that go so many different ways. The idea that Werewolves live really long lives because of the superhealing. The idea that they live really short lives because their healing just burns through their body really quickly. The idea that their lifespan is directly correlated to the amount of damage they take because they can only heal so much, so wolves who get hurt a lot age faster than wolves who don’t. There’s NO explanation! You’d think it might be an interesting point for Scott to find out that he’s gonna live to fucking 200 years old. (How old is Satomi again?) That sounds like something a Teenager would be daunted by. We see them make fun of Stiles a few times because he believes werewolf myths about silver, and then because he believes Peter when Peter tells him he lives in a series of underground caves. But like...why not? THESE ARE WEREWOLVES why did you just make them humans with extra facial hair? Where are the traditional mating rituals (or even the concept of a mate/life partner, can you imagine how interesting that would’ve been? If Scott found out Allison was his mate? Or if he suddenly had all these weird urges around her, like rubbing their foreheads together or cuddling her way too much or wanting to bring her food? That would’ve been fascinating and hilarious as subplots for their romance!) where are the full moon runs or pack get-togethers? Where are the aversions to perfumes or cologne? Where are literally any animal behaviors besides AGGRESSION? Where is the den-making? Can werewolves eat fast food or does the grease bug them? Talia was a famous Alpha bc she could full shift. Does anyone know why she could do that? “Evolution” is a bullshit answer, let’s be real. It’s shitty writing and it put Derek through so much more than he deserved. THEY ACCIDENTALLY ESTABLISHED that ALL HALES can full-shift! IT’s NOT EVOLUTION. It’s BIRTHRIGHT. Talia fullshifted. Peter full-shifted (though his was distorted into the monster thingy. That wasn’t anything like Deucalion’s shift. It was a FULL SHIFT) Laura could full shift bc she did it after she died. No other werewolves on the show turned into full wolves after death, even if they died with wolfsbane in their system? MALIA could full-shift into a coyote. LITERALLY EVERY HALE except Cora and that’s bc she got booted back to South America COuld FULL SHIFT (and it never happened after they lost all of their wolf powers, that coud’ve been an interesting plot if they didn’t FUCK IT UP.) But still there’s no explanation, or even just acknowledgement? You don’t have to spell it out for us, but at least SAY “Hey, so the Hale family is really powerful and all of us can full-shift. Not sure why, but it’s neat.) I’m still stuck on rituals. Routines. Werewolf mores. Social cues. Are there certain smells they’re supposed to ignore? Is it polite to pretend you don’t hear someone coming up to your house until they knock? Do they have rules about waiting until the Alpha eats before they start eating (much like how lots of traditional households wait for the father to dig in, or whoever is head of household)? Is it tradition to homeschool werewolves for the first few years until they learn control? Are there seriously no rules about biting humans? You don’t have to talk to their parents or have a specific conversation with them? And if werewolves are so dominance/hierarchy based, then you’re telling me there’s no “second-in-command” or respectful greetings that are supposed to be used for an Alpha? There’s absolutely no form of werewolf government or ancient laws or anything except a big spiral that is universally recognized as a sign you’re gonna kill people? What was the wolfsbane around Laura’s body for? Why make the spiral out of that instead of just drawing in the dirt or something? We make a lot of jokes about Derek being bad with his words, but so is Peter and so is Cora. And they’re the only born wolves we interact with (except Satomi who ALSO isn’t a chatterbox) What if that’s not just because they’re all traumatized and cranky? What if they’re just speaking on a different level? Scents and body language are integral to wolf interaction. Like how we say that Peter has that conversation with Derek’s eyebrows? What if Derek’s so fucking pissed all the time because he hates talking to Scott because SCott ISN”T LISTENING to his body language and scent and chemosignals? He tells Scott to use all his senses, and Scott does it fucking once to say that Peter felt “Angry” and never again. What if Derek is Talking PLENTY (with his body and movements and reactions) but Scott just isn’t paying attention? Isaac seems to understand Derek just fine. Erica and Boyd never complain that Derek is lying to them or ‘keeping something’ from them? What if the reason Scott always thinks Derek’s hiding something is because he isn’t reading the rest of Derek’s conversation and he assumes that the empty feeling is Derek lying. Even STILES seems to understand Derek. He’s human, but he goes totally wolfy. He already uses body language a lot and while he gets mad at Derek he never has to ask what the fuck derek is saying or what he’s holding back. I digress. I wanna know why no other packs came to help Derek and Laura after their family died. I wanna know why Emissaries and Druids are so incredibly important to the supernatural/werewolf world but Derek barely knew they existed (Especially when it’s established that he know tons of lore about other species.) and even though every single pack should have an emissary, they never handle who is the emissary for Derek’s pack or for Scott’s pack (Once again, is an emissary bound to their pack somehow or is it just an agreement?). I wanna know why Derek knew Satomi and trusted her but for some reason never felt like he could ask her for help? Centuries of hiding and living amongst humans with almost no wolf behavior to their name, but none of these packs interact? There’s Druid Vets and Hunter cops and Emissary counselors. But no werewolf doctors? No werewolf teachers? Absolutely no werewolf society? If Derek was worried about Paige not accepting that he was a werewolf unless she became one, what does that say about his experience with humans? He says “there were people in my family that were perfectly ordinary in that house” who died in the fire. But wouldn’t he talk to a human pack member about his worries, if he had one? Or even a bitten pack member? He admits he doesn’t know how to train a Bitten wolf. He’s never been called out by a human pack member for using phrases like ‘caught a scent’ or for reacting to things he shouldn’t. Does this mean Derek’s family was entirely werewolves? No humans in the know? No bitten wolves? He has a huge thing about keeping the secret and never letting anyone in on it unless they get dragged into it. Did Derek’s pack have some kind of prejudice against humans? Was Derek raised to believe humans were weak or cowardly or something, that he thought this beautiful girl would automatically hate him and expose him if she were to discover the supernatural without being forced into silence by self-preservation.

Lots of times, it’s easy to forget in this fandom that so much is missing, because we’ve been filling in the gaps for so long that some stuff is practically canon. It’s generally assumed that the Hales were homeschooled before high school. It’s generally assumed that there’s some kind of bond that marks people as pack. We instinctively add in mentions of Scent and the use of the shift (growling, claws, a hint of fang, flashing eyes) as part of the casual communication between characters. We add in scent-marking and territory boundaries and specific roles in the pack. We do all of that and never think twice because it’s already in all the fic. But we did that. The show gave us nothing. It spent an entire season talking about the nogitsune and the oni and how they’re summoned and what kitsune fox tails are for, but we never got to find out why wolves can do the pain-drain (or even if it dissipates the pain or just transfers it to the wolf doing the draining) or if Derek Hale EVEN HAS A DAD.

[hotwings0203]

one time like last year i saw this tiktok talking abt dabi icks and i thought it was funny so i commented on it and asked for a part 2 bc i love dabi w all my heart and i am a proud dabi stan and his icks were v funny🤞🤞 anyway i then realised like the next day that the account that made the tiktok was an endeavor stan acc☹️☹️ and a dabi anti😐😅 i never deleted a comment so fast. they were saying endeavor a good person bc now he’s trying to be nice and that dabi was being dramatic by hating his dad and becoming a villain …🤨🤨 then i seen them saying how mitsuki abused bakugo ?????? HUH??? … u can’t just deny the fact that dabi was abused bc u don’t like him . its always the people that deny dabis trauma are the first to say bakugo was abused like.. 😦 ( i luv bakugo 2 tho ) anyway still ashamed to this day that i commented on an endeavor stan acc post 🤬

Dawg you a solider for that fr, I would’ve been shitting myself if an endeavor Stan AND DABI anti showed up on my fyp😭😭I just find it so weird yet interesting how ppl can interpret the manga so differently, i think it has to do maybe with peoples ages or maturity level.

Like I think if that tiktok account was made by like a 13-15 year old then maybe they wouldn’t understand what the pressure of pleasing a parent feels like so they fail to recognize Dabi’s trauma

And same for bakugo, like a younger kid/a kid who hates their parents may fail to take in the comedic value of his relationship with mitsuki and the actual kind words she’s said abt him. It’s the same situation when bakugo got chained up at the sports festival, like I e seen so many TikTok’s of ppl being like “that was so messed up they abused him it was such a heartbreaking scene, I just know he never got over that trauma 🤬🤬😡” and I’m like bro??? It’s a canonically humorous scene, and also MY BOY WAS TRYINA BLOW EVERYONE UP WHAT ELSE WERE THEY SUPPOSED TO DO??

[icharchivist]

cries think I made my ask too long so like half of it got deleted bc I typed it right into the askbox. anyways. I come bearing a3 thoughts! at first i was gonna watch the spring/summer and autumn/winter ones and then give my thoughts on both but. turns out i had too many thoughts lol? which i shouldve expected but i actually kind of... got bored by the first two chapters of this event! so i skipped and went to the stranger. and then went back. (1/?)

and then i got to like "tsuzuru and kazunari are having a fight?" and jumped on that like a starving wolf bc helllll yeah! i rly adored kazunari in sardine search, i think he was great! hes just so nice and has good vibes. he and taichi are kind of similar i feel? but i think their respective ages contribute to a lot of difference in their characters. why does it feel like this askbox limit personally wants me dead. (2/?)

anyways! i rly enjoyed the improv scene devolving to a real fight. admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event... it was still good tho. the scene i mean. (3/?)

also i rly liked tenma ragging on them afterwards. like he was mean but. first i adore tenma. second he just felt like. a different meddling type to muku lol? like the vibes he gave me were always like... im going to be a considerate leader and watch out for the ppl under me! therefore im gonna make sure theyre doing fine! aggressively. i think tenmas also just like a friendly person who likes to take care of others in general? like im not saying hes omi or anything but just like. (4/?)

that time he offers his car ride to juza so they can go to school together like hes surprisingly open compared to his initial prickliness. also ive got thoughts abt the tenma juza SSR conversation thing i read. one day ill make a tenma and juza fic and complete a trifecta haha... but thats something for another day! back to the actual story. the way tsuzuru dives right in after kazunari! that was so nice. like its easy to see how much they care abt each other. (5/?)

to the point where like even while theyre fighting theyre like angry but still like fairly quiet bc i think theyre both at least trying to be considerate of each other. ah the moment kazunari didnt respond to tsuzuru trying to talk to him i KNEW he was sick tho. felt proud of myself for calling that one but also the reason i knew is bc i have used the "character being sick during an argument causing them both to make up with each other" trope myself before so uh. like recognizes like haha. (6/?)

anyways the cg there was fuckin beautiful like kazunari looks so sad in the middle bit but then u see his shy smile? like hes sick but hes also like. happy to be there. idk. lovely. i adore kazu i think hes just deeply sweet to other people. tsuzuru telling him "you make everyone around you feel as bright and cheery as the things you design” is so wonderful too (7/?)

now im thinking. ah tsuzuru probably feels quite drained after a script and such (i know i am when i finish any piece--its like the emotions just rush out of me) so i like to think that like yknow. kazunari dropping by his room or whatever helps him set himself back to normal! but also when tsuzurus like oh u left ur magazines here! i suddenly remembered. wait shit kazunari and tsuzuru arent even roommates. wonder how much they bother masumi lmaooo. anyways overall very good story! (8/?)

some more thoughts: itaru and citron were so cute in this event! just like. citron saying itaru winking makes his heart skip a beat and itaru quoting citrons wrong sayings (which. i am also guilty of today i told my brother "we'll jump that bridge when we cross it" so) also i love how yuki is like "thank god i wasnt partnered with that hack" but like. yuki. u could literally just not talk about him. like its so funny to me yuki is like wow i hate tenma but he wont shut up abt him haha (9/?)

i also was a lil taken aback at hearing itaru go "for the lulz" tbh... like it fits him. but im mad it fits him? anywaysss thats all i had for this one! im gonna watch autumn/winter and go say my thoughts on that soon. sorry the ask was so broken up, idk what happened!

OLA FRIEND! Glad to see your thoughts again omg :3c

tho omg the fact tumblr deleted it all + the ask limit was all so evil D: poor friend.

I'm putting my answer under a read more because. Well. *waves hand* it got long.

The non-play events can be perhaps a little harder to get into because unlike the plays events that you start with a clear idea of at least the main plot (re: "they are preparing a play, i know the leads so i know who it will focus on"), non-plays events take a little longer to first set up what event they're participating in, how to prepare for it, and then bring up the conflict and which characters are going to have something to do with said conflict. So i can understand that they're a little harder to get into when we know the plays awaits.

On top of that, the first few events still were a bit tame because since it was early when the app released, i think they didn't go too heavy at once in case some people were still stuck on earlier chapters (esp since especially Winter is hard to unlock)

ANYWAY glad that it sucked you in on the second read :3c

So glad you were invested in that conflict!

Totally agreeing with you about Kazunari, and very good point about Taichi as well! they aren't the Puppy Pair for nothing :'D (Yuki took one look at both of them together and just Knew. His suffering knows no end (lovingly)). But yeah i think they have a lot in common, they both are the really bright and friendly figure, both also started in overcompensating a bit because both wanted to be popular in some ways.

But we do have, on one hand, Kazunari who wanted that rather late in his life while Taichi always thrived for that, the fact Kazunari made friends easily and it's just that he was scared of getting to the next level, while Taichi always struggled with this quest for popularity. In a way too both of them were at least scared to share a part of them, Kazunari worrying to show his thoughts, and Taichi being a spy and all of that... which impacts them really differently considering the guilt it puts on Taichi. And then you add their age into the mix, especially the fact Kazu is the oldest of his troupe and Taichi the youngest of his, it makes them fairly similar all while being fairly different.

both are so interesting to me and i love them bothhh, so it's always nice to see them have focus.

admittedly i was kinda surprised that the content of that improv wasnt rly too similar to their actual fight? like normally a3 has the story of the play run parallel to like the actual real character drama so i thought the improv might function as the play in this event

i love how you are seeing the patterns a3 tends to do it's so neat!

It's true the fight isn't really similar to their actual fight, though i do love that they had "swapped" their personality for the act and ended up insulting each other for theirr swapped personality. Like, Kazunari insulted part of himself in Tsuzuru's character and Tsuzuru did the same?? and then the fight escalated and the way Kazunari broke character hurts bc it's really that Tsuzuru hit where it hurts. But yeah it still wasn't too relevent to their actual fight, though i think the thing is that their fight was as such mostly because they tend to clash often due to their personalities rather than just this singular reason why, so to have the play go more "it's their personalities the problem" kinda hurt lol. But yeah still agreed that it didn't reflect much on the plot itself

I was rereading the improv bit to answer correctly and man since we're going to talk about Tenma next, i just. Love that when Kazunari, breaking character, his eyes sad, tells Tsuzuru "you have no rights talking to me like that..." it then cuts on Tenma being upset. Bc like. Exactly like you say, he wants to look out for the people under him. and like. Kazunari is his friend. A friend he also snapped at once and insulted for being who he was, so he probably could have relived a bit of his fight with Kazunari seeing those two fights; Except that now Kazunari is one of his closest friend and he doesn't like that.

Also like. It was also because he could still hide under the plot of the improv but it's so rare, and it never happened before that point, that Kazunari stands for himself in a "the way you treat me is unfair"? Like again re: his fight with Tenma, when Tenma snapped at him, while Tenma was unfair with him, Kazunari took the blame, called himself annoying and all yaknow?

The fact Kazunari is starting to accept that he can take more place for himself is something the whole Summer Troupe have been trying to help him work on, but especially Tenma. Tenma is always there trying to push Kazunari to say what he means, to express his feelings, to stop hiding.

And for once, Kazunari does that in front of everyone... and it's because he's breaking because of his fight with Tsuzuru.

I think Tenma probably felt it was even more of a reason to get involved like, this is the thing he's been working on with Kazunari about, and now he's being all hurt about it, not on Tenma's watch!

And i totally agree with your take on Tenma! (and would LOVE to read the Tenma and Juza fic once you get to it :3c). I think, Tenma is really caring and is trying to take a place as a caretaker and all, but unlike Omi, he has absolutely no reference for it.

Omi is the eldest of multiple brothers and everything indicates his parents have always been lovely to him. Add to it how he ended up leader of a delinquent crew he was clearly looking after, Omi has a history of taking care of people, of nurturing them, and he knows what he's doing. Meanwhile Tenma grew up on TV sets, mostly surrounded by adults and not by people his age, mostly getting advice from being ordered around by directors i think. And his parents are distant, hyperfocused on their job, not really nursing with him. So Tenma meanwhile really didn't have a family emotional support and was in situation where he couldn't befriend other kids his age. His only reference was probably Igawa (his agent) and i think for a long time he didn't exactly see it, and Igawa remained mostly professional so there was probably the idea of it not being sincere? That Tenma had to grow out of.

So like, they're both extremely nurturing and caring, but my point is that Omi has experiences in it and is at ease with it, while Tenma has been so alone and in places were he had no support system that even if he wants to support others, he still struggles with how to do it because he has no set exemple. And that's his development in the main story arc, to learn from how Izumi shows she cares in order to care back at them all.

Like i mean the way Tenma yelled at them about their mistakes at first feel like he would have picked it up from some directors on TV set yaknow? Probably hearing them say that with no consequences on others actors, seeing it worked, didn't think "that's an abuse of power and the actors probably all think badly of their director for that" but "wow that works", tried it on his troupesmates and realized this is... not how that works. And it's spending time watching how Izumi encourages them that have him fix his way to approach it.

So yeah i got lost too into it but like. I feel you on Tenma i love him so much and i love his development so to see him get pissed and involved there? was really nice. even if he was aggressive about it. He's still learning.

ANYWAY back to Tsuzuru and Kazunari, totally agree with what you say next. They still care a lot about each other and yeah they're at a point where this consideration they have for each other make their anger more quiet than trying to attack one another (Banri could NEVER-). so yeah totally agree with you!

DLKFJDLKF i LOVE the reasoning on "recognizing that Kazunari was sick". Your writer's powers making you see through... *coughs* unlike Tsuzuru....

AND YEAH ALL YOU SAY ABOUT THE CG.. YEAH. Kinda crying thinking about it again now LDKJFLKDJF It's just. Everything about it is so soft and tender. The things Tsuzuru tells Kazunari are soo so sweet sobs. They're just adorable i love those kids. and also i feel you for Kazu he's just that great huh?

The whole set up about Kazu dropping by his room is so so cute! I love it! Like probably the very first time Tsuzuru braces himself because "oh no i'm not in the mood to stand mister hyperenergy himself" but Kazunari quickly adjust his energy so that Tsuzuru can just recharge without being overwhelmed. Yes it would drive Masumi completely nuts. Which i think is a plus for Tsuzuru like, hey, if Masumi gets annoyed once in a while it's a win. But yeah also i think that Tsuzuru and Kazunari should really have the Artistic Soldiarity of Students in Art school Probably Working Until Very Late To Complete Their Projects. Would love if at the end Tsuzuru gave it back yaknow?

but yeah their story was really nice i'm so glad you liked it! :D

oh god yeah Itaru and Citron were SO cute in it too, i also love the comments Citron makes about Itaru's winks. Just there flirting in front of everyone like those two embarrassing friends huh. (probably with Muku being all starry eyes considering he greatly admires both Itaru and Citron and, well, Romance.). And yeah i love how Itaru ends up so much into Citron's rhythm (and this idiom you said? is glorious actually, 10 points for you)

DLKFJDLKF what a call out toward Yuki. "yes i hate Tenma,no i won't shut up about him, also if YOU say you hate Tenma i'm going to stab you with my needles, have a nice fucking day.". I love their dynamics so much aha

And yeah Itaru is there cursing us the whole time with the fact he's the greatest nerd ever and it fits him perfectly. It makes me laugh so hard.

Thank you so much for having shared your thoughts there! it's always a blast to read through them and i dearly enjoyed it! (+ it makes me relive the event a little and it makes me soft!)

I'm so glad you enjoyed it! So glad you had so many thoughts about all of this, what a blast.

thank you for sharing, and looking forward the Autumn/Winter reactions :3c

Take care!

[oceanselevenism]

I've seen that most of the stories on ao3 about them are mostly canon-compliant (and I don't have anything against that tbh) but I was wondering if you have any aus that you think could fit them or that you'd like to see?

omg i have SO MANY aus!! (it got Very Long so its under a cut)

- college au! danny gets kicked out (hes on full scholarship and does Thiefly Things to cover his expenses so hes not endangered just fairly fucked up abt it) (does it count as kicked out if u only live w ur dad three months a year) in freshman year, he befriends rusty (1 year below him) in sophomore year, debbie also befriends rusty (she and danny dont talk much but shes 2 yrs below him at the same college), and when reuben comes calling for a job he thinks debbie has a boyfriend (thanks to debbie telling her dad that she does) so she fake dates rusty. who ends up joining the job. and danny is Very Jealous

- snl ripoff au! danny and rusty are the weekend-update-adjacent anchors and they get gay. i Would have this take place in la (reuben is taking A Risk producing a late night sketch comedy show on the west coast but the 11/12/however fuckin many are fantastic cast members so even though they lose revenue from the other timezones not watching as much as they watch snl or whatever, they still make BANK... but danny and rusty getting gay throws the equilibrium out of whack) BUT la sucks DICK so its happening in new york. also this way u get Ocean Sibling Banter (debbie and lou are the anchors for The Actual Weekend Update and when debbie/lou get together and also when danny/rusty get together there are so many ‘just switch out the blondes/brunettes nobody will be able to tell and we won’t have hr down our necks’ jokes)

- au where the caldwells, abt to go deep undercover on a Huge Fucking Case, have to give up custody of 6 year old linus to tess and danny. the case stretches on for twelve years and linus grows up w tess and danny (who get divorced like right after they adopt him bc tess finds out abt dannys Thiefly Activities-- he confesses to her bc he doesnt rly want to predispose the kid to said thiefly activities) and also isabel (she and rusty break up like Right Before tess and dannys wedding and its very funny; she then goes on to marry tess) parenting him (rusty isnt as much in the picture bc he doesnt feel bad at all abt stealing and tess doesnt want linus to pick up that mentality also rusty Feels Things abt danny)! then when linus is like 18 or 19 danny disappears (tess and isabel think its Thiefly Activities again and arent concerned, just disappointed, but linus is very concerned for his dad-slash-stepdad-slash-sort-of-uncle) and he tracks down rusty so they can find danny. they roadtrip across america and eventually catch up to danny, who is helping the caldwells, and the five of them take down whatever gang the caldwells were chasing. linus now has 6 parents

- au based on this post where some archaeologist finds a bunch of dannys [french person voice] Love Lettairs 2 rusty and so obviously the logical course of action is to rob the museum (which happens to be the museum that tess is curating. funny how things work out) without telling his team What Theyre Stealing. they successfully pull off the heist but turns out the letters were not among the items they stole!! danny is getting desperate. as a last-ditch attempt he calls tess and asks her to let them rob the museum. shes like Why The Fuck Would I Do That. he explains and she begrudgingly agrees. danny and livingston go break into the museum Again but rusty tails them bc dannys been acting Weird and he finds out abt the letters bc livingston sweats more whenever he tells a lie. they live happily ever after (literally, theyre immortal) the end. also even though dannys a werewolf the 11 all call him the new jersey devil (its not his fault that legend came to be ok!! he was very drunk!!)

- childhood friends au!! danny and rusty were best buds as very young kids and then the oceans had to move. flash forward 2 present day where danny and debbie r robbing a museum (theyre building a flower shop over the vault and tunneling in, the dudes in brazil who came up w it are very very clever) and guess which two people are the assistant curators (is that even a title?). guess. ill tell u its tess and rusty! danny recognizes rusty, rusty ‘does not recognize’ danny (which is valid. look at photos of child george clooney and tell me you would recognize him). the 11 demand that they use this to their advantage and so danny and rusty Sort Of Date while the rest set up for the robbery, and danny feels really bad abt it so on the day of (after everyone has gotten away, ofc, he might be a lovesick bitch but hes not a snitch) he confesses and rustys like lmao i was onto u from the start. what kind of a name is [insert alias here] anyway. then they go live a life of crime and its great

- @sanduschism came up w a fantastic au where danny pickpockets rusty and feels bad so he sends the wallet back and they strike up a Correspondence

- HOSPITAL AU!!! danny and rusty r er techs while theyre doing med school and nobody knows how they juggle their shifts w school but also rusty can do a tracheotomy in like 5 seconds and danny can tell when a person needs an mri before they even list their symptoms so nobody questions it and nobody splits them up Ever. when they eventually become surgeons, danny does cardio and rusty does neuro, and whenever they have to work together not only do they never have to say what theyre doing, they don't even have What Do U Want To Cook For Dinner convos fully out loud. tess is head nurse... she makes so many excel spreadsheets... they are ALL color coded. isabel is head er doc and nobody dares to halfass things on her watch. reuben is head hospital admin, saul is chief surgeon, basher is head of the burn unit, the malloys r the HUNKIEST nurses in town, frank does plastic surgery/ent (every patient loves him bc he is just So Calm), livingston is The IT Guy, yen does like orthopedics or physical therapy, and linus is their fav resident who they all lovingly tease 24/7. the ocean sibs r both Cardio Gods and each dominate their respective coasts. debbie is an nyc doctor and if she sees a mass gen doctor its on SIGHT. the few surgeries that she and danny collab on go so fast that the med students in the gallery Cannot tell whats happening. lou is also a plastic surgeon and she and frank r best buds. linus requests time off like 6 months in advance Every Time and everyone hates it bc then They have to be on call but he doesnt realize his Extreme Overachieverness is causing so much strife. whenever tess and danny get in an argument she colorcodes his rounds spreadsheet to be the most neon shit youve ever seen. can you tell i never fully progressed past my greys anatomy phase this one is like 93489302 lines long

- superpower au where rusty has midas touch and danny has corrosive touch and when theyre too young to have control over their powers (abilities develop throughout adolescence and the user gains control at the end of adolescence) they accidentally brush hands and are terrified they just killed each other but turns out their powers like. cancel out. so until they reach like 21 or 22 and can touch things without fucking them UP they just. hold hands all the time. bc otherwise they have to wear gloves to prevent Accidents and both of them “hate gloves” (and also love holding hands. gayasses)

- uhhh hallmark au where danny is a crime fiction writer out on some beach north of ocean city nj and rusty is his fancy nyc editor. everyone else is a thief including debbie who is just Very weirded out that her brother, who robbed boston’s institute of contemporary art at age 22 and got away with it, has decided to spend the rest of his life churning out books. he is very critically acclaimed and about half of the 11 are buds with him and use his published books as heist inspo. the other ~half of the 11 are buds with rusty, and they tell him if danny’s heists are feasible or not (they always are. scarily so.) anyway rusty and isabel break up 12 days before xmas and danny and tess break up 8 days before hanukkah so dannys heading to debbie’s place in upstate new york to mope for the holidays when A BLIZZARD HITS and he gets stranded in midtown. and he and rusty are buds but like. Email Buds. they dont hang out irl and therefore they dont let their Totally Bud-Like Feelings mess up their professional relationship. but danny is stranded and its hanukkah and he ends up crashing at rustys place for the duration of the blizzard. and then rusty ends up coming to debbies place for the rest of the holidays. and then they kiss on new years eve and debbie kicks them out bc theyre being gross

- And More! thanks for the ask, anon! sorry it got so long lol i just have Many Thoughts

[illnessfaker]

do you have any resources on OSDD? like more in depth than just the diagnostic criteria, i'm very familiar with those, i guess more...people talking abt what it feels like? I have cptsd and I've been noticing things very similar to what you described in your post for a long time now. I thought I had DID for sure a while ago, but I was also actively manic/psychotic, so when that calmed down I assumed I had just been delusional. But the identity disturbances and dissociation persist. I don't think it's DID now it's osdd if it's anything but I'm wary of saying that for sure and rly would like some i guess more descriptive accounts of how symptoms are for someone with it. Sorry if this is a lot/you don't have anything of that nature, I'm glad to hear you're figuring out your own multiplicity and hope the understanding helps you in your healing process!

firstly, thank you for your kind words 😊

@/this-is-not-dissociative has a lot of info about did/osdd-1 (and other dissociative stuff) as well as having did/osdd-1 vs. dissociation in bpd/cptsd - though it's possible to have did/osdd-1 and bpd/cptsd of course - and did-research.org talks about osdd-1 a little bit (especially vs. having full-blown did). these are probably the best resources i can point you towards even though they don't contain many personal accounts. the first blog is staunchly against self-dx iirc and there's a lot of "you should speak to a professional about this" but u know how it is (at the very least they provide a lot of info and resources on how to go about doing that, it seems.)

some posts in particular that may be informative/helpful to you (there are probably many reasons to dislike this blog but it's what i've found most informative so yeah):

anp and ep, + an explanation of structural dissociation and how it models ptsd, cptsd, bpd, osdd-1, and did.

anp and avoiding trauma

an example of did vs. osdd-1

parts in bpd/cptsd vs. osdd-1

parts in cptsd vs. osdd-1 (this mod "kevin" has osdd-1, by the way)

parts vs. fragments vs. alters

alters not being easy to recognize

identity confusion vs. identity alteration

( read-more bc this got long despite it being past my bedtime lmao )

the problem w personal accounts of stuff and did/osdd-1 is presentations of these diagnoes will differ from person to person, sometimes greatly. contrary to media depiction they're also covert disorders by nature - they're psychological coping mechanisms for intense distress, and part of those coping mechanisms is being ignorant to the fact that your sense of self is fragmented / there are parts of your sense of self that are attached to trauma. i know of several folks who were initially diagnosed with osdd-1 but then later re-diagnosed as having did because the severity of their situation was very effectively hidden from them by this dissociation.

( another problem is that ppl are flawed and can give bad/wrong info on how stuff works or trends can give the wrong impression and unfortunately that's very common w did/osdd-1 spaces online. e.g. u don't have to know the name, age, etc. or know who's "fronting" or whatever with elaborate tagging systems and pages on ur blog with said info abt ur parts or "alters" to have did/osdd-1. worrying abt that stuff too much can worsen dissociation. )

it's not common for someone to have did/osdd-1 and for it to be obvious to themselves or others (who don't know what to look for, that is). this is why no small number of folks with did/osdd-1 are seemingly well-functioning on the outside since different dissociated parts often serve "everyday life" purposes such as going to work/school and these parts are the ones disconnected from traumatic "materials" as they're called. part of the reason why i'm wanting to conceptualize my experiences as osdd-1 is due to the fact that my default state (the "host"?) is emotionally dissociated from my trauma - i know it happened, but it seemed like it happened to "this body" rather than "me" and i don't feel anything about it until i get triggered. "apparently normal parts" that handle everyday life are usually trauma-avoidant or separated from the trauma like this in some way.

that being said, i'm still not totally sure if i qualify for an osdd-1 diagnosis or not tbqh. my situation is most like the "some individuals with OSDD-1 lack both amnesia and highly distinct parts" mentioned in the page i above linked (but yesterday and this morning/afternoon i was convinced i did - go figure). i'd been researching did/osdd-1 for a while (not necessarily because i thought it was what i was experiencing) which is part of what helped me come to terms with having experienced dissociation for a long time, and i thought up until like...the other day i definitely didn't have it. i came to believe i had some weird bpd/cptsd/szpd-like situation where emotional states had been "locked away" in boxes that i rarely touched as a defense mechanism against psychological distress. i also had a metaphor for my "emotional part(s)" as it/them being like, (a) ghost(s) that follow me around and aren't evil but occasionally "wrap their hands around my throat" to remind me that they're there.

then i saw someone w an osdd-1 diagnosis talk abt how they have parts whose "job" is to "feel sadness for them" as a defense mechanism against that kinda distress and then i was like...huh. and then i thought about how seeing my parents again felt kinda weird and distant. and that's kinda what tipped me off, despite having a pretty unstable sense of self and dissociation issues for a while. the "seeing my parents" thing is somewhat more major, because it felt different from my "default setting." thinking about it is uncomfortable and weird.

ur gonna have to do a lot of reading, tbh, and doing it in moderation is probably a good idea since thinking too much abt dissociation can trigger it. another thing is that conceptualizing yourself as having did/osdd-1 when you don't actually have that experience can worsen dissociation/identity issues as well so u gotta be careful abt how u approach it. but at the same time, cptsd and did/osdd-1 have mostly the same treatment methods anyway (and technically u gotta have cptsd to have did/osdd-1, not as like a diagnostic requirement really but a "you have to be traumatized from long-term traumatic experiences at a young age" sense) so many resources abt did/osdd-1 may be helpful to u regardless of whether you "have" them or not.

i can't tell u how to differentiate between symptoms of psychosis and did/osdd-1 (the blog i mentioned may have posts about that topic - there's two in their master-posts but neither were particularly helpful i don't think) since afaik i'm not psychotic but i wish you luck!

[xthelastknownsurvivorx]

Hamilton!firstprince au

(cross posted from twitter with a couple of edits b/c i couldn’t make them there)

in which i loosely follow the plot of hamilton except its firstprince and alex and henry get a happy ending. inspired by the striking similarities i noted between our favorite first son and his namesake hamilton in the broadway musical

the similarities:

both have/will have a political career

both often talk too much/don't mind their words

both began as lawyers

both extremely motivated but overwork themselves (“nonstop” +  “you have a fire under ur ass for no good goddamn reason)

both had some sort of sex scandal that impacted their career plans

hamilton speculated to be bi

the story

the setup of the colonized country alex lives in is similar to the usa vs england but fictional bc alexs race would have limited his opportunities in america's early years

idk names for either of these countries so its now the colony and the motherland

alex + his mom live alone in the poorer southern part of the colony

but his dad + june live elsewhere + they dont rly contact e/o (tho they do know of e/o’s existence)

june becomes a journalist who writes important pieces abt independence

when alex comes of age his mom reveals she used to be part of the rebellion

thats actually why his dad left to raise june bc it was too dangerous

his parents met in the rebellion but oscar left first for june while ellen stayed until she realized she was pregnant w alex

ellen still has some rebel contacts but she mostly sheltered alex to keep him safe

now tho alex decides to join too + the rebellion sends him up north to the capital for an education bc he's smart + they need people like that

he attends uni + meets like-minded people there

tension grows btwn the colony in the motherland, and alex + his friends write/speak out often and this goes on throughout their schooling

they’re also troublemakers in general too, much to the annoyance of the motherland soldiers stationed in the capital to prevent rebellion

henry is one of those soldiers

he's from a noble family in the motherland but was sent overseas as the sort of black sheep of the family due to his sexuality

the idea was to let him be in charge in the colony + reestablish a reputation there w/o embarrassing the main family back home

henry hates his job + feels bad for the colonists but still does what he's told anyway

alex + fhis riends like to bug motherland soldiers for fun

nothing  enough to put their lives in danger too much (although yes that too esp when drunk)

henry becomes a favorite target of alex's bc he's awfully stoic + statue like + on the way to uni - overall fun to antagonize 

there's also the fact that alex is angry at all the soldiers for oppressing the colony + holding up the motherland monarchs tyranny (but also alex just is the type to fight literally everything and anything) 

it becomes almost a daily ritual for them to argue 

henry wonders why this colonist keeps on picking a fight w him but soon almost looks forward to it

many of the other soldiers know or speculate why henry is in the colony but none make the effort to get to know him; some even call him arrogant or undeserving of his position

alex doesn't 

of course alex also doesn't know him

and alex hates him

but he doesn't whisper behind henry's back

henry comes to read some of the essays alex publishes speaking out against the monarchy + also hears alex speak to crowd in the square

alex is a talented + charismatic public speaker

henry finds himself growing increasingly sympathetic to the colonists cause

at the same time he and the other soldiers are order to be stricter and dole out more punishments

the others gleefully do so which makes henry concerned about alex's safety bc alex often seems to have no self-preservation skills

henry asks alex for a word when he's alone 

“am I in trouble?” “no but you bloody will be if u keep going on like this” 

“this is serious” “so am I” “you can't go around saying things so openly you'll get yourself killed”

alex tries to leave at this point “I think I'll be ok” but henry shoves him against the nearest wall 

“listen to me! stop acting like this is a game! ur putting ur sodding life in danger! I dont bloody care what ur opinions r but why must u declare them around enemy soldiers? how is this helpful 2 ur cause? u cant fight if ur dead” 

“you'd b surprised how effective martyrs are” 

cue enraged henry noises 

alexs gaze turns hard “listen i  appreciate/the advice” he says sarcastically “but I dont need an enemy telling me what to do. I can take care of myself” 

there's a stirring in alexs chest after he removes henry's hand and stalks off that he's pretty sure is anger

like it can't be anything else 

while alex is trying to convince himself of that, the tensions boil over + soon the two sides are on the brink of war then the fighting starts

henry + alex don't talk much for a while bc they're both busy on their sides preparing

school is on hold during the war so alex + his friends are looking to serve + bring glory to their names 

alex esp is recognized for his intelligence + becomes the recognized general rafael lunas secretary

luna is the george washington figure in this case who is impressed by alex wants him as his right-hand man

alex is disappointed his role is not on the battlefield bc he knows he has a good tactical mind + he could change the tide of a losing war + gain honor and status thru it, which would put him in a good position to be elected in the future

as secretary, alex is in charge of a lot of important correspondence eg for more supplies + men, so the motherland soldiers figure ambushing him off the battlefield would make things hard for the colonists

henry overhears this plan + immediately worries for alex's safety but he's cornered by another soldier to talk strategy + misses the chance to take out the men then

henry manages to catch that they're going to attack alex at night when he leaves + henry arrives just in time to kill them in a panic

alex hears the gunshot + yells “drop ur weapon”, drawing his own gun

henry obviously does + alex inspects the scene he keeps a gun fixed on henry

“what's going on?” he asks, eyeing henry w/ suspicion

henry explains everything + looks positively terrified bc he just betrayed his side even tho the motherland and his family has treated him like shit since he came out but still. 

becoming an outright traitor is not something henry ever planned + leaving behind everything he's ever known w no hope of ever going back is terrifying

but he also doesn't regret protecting alex

alex questions henry but can quickly tell henry is sincere + is telling the truth

henry explains his change of heart + they have a heartfelt moment in/just outside luna's office.

alex almost died + henry just switched sides, emotions are running high and they escalate into a kiss. the moon is out + it's all very romantic but they don't admit their feelings yet

soon after they go to luna, explain the situation + talk w the other generals/people in charge

henry is sent away on an assignment + is watched closely at first but he proves his loyalty quickly

henry and alex write letters back + forth that turn into love letters 

besides managing correspondence for luna, some of alexs ideas of sneak attacks/stealing supplies help turn the tide of the war andhe also writes to other countries for foreign aid

eventually the colonists win in this huge up start that no one anticipated bc the motherland is known as the most powerful country in the world

he + henry reunite in the capital of once the war is over

alex finishes up his studies + practices law + soon is chosen to be part of the new lawmaking body

things are going pretty well for alex w his legal + political success and his relationship with henry

they dont live together but theyre dating tho no one else knows

alex pretends to be single instead + says he doesn't want to be tied down

it works while he's still in his early 20s but as he gets closer to 30, people start to find it strange + tell him he needs to settle

being married to his work is also not a valid excuse anymore

it turns out alex made quite a few political enemies due to his strong opinions that he always vocalises + can be unwilling to compromise on

they don't like his ideas or more often hate him and hence his ideas too

they look for some dirt on him bc atm he has lunas support which has a lot of sway + decide they need to find out why he hasn't married

they manage to find out about henry + threaten to tell the public

alex is obviously distraught re the consequences personally + politically

so alex and henry discuss what to do 

henry is willing to put alexs political career 1st but firmly explains their relationship can't continue if that's the case

henry gave up his whole life + any possibility of going back to his family so he's not willing to be someone's dirty little secret  

alex doesn't know what to do so he goes to consult luna who he's become very close with over the years

luna is not quite old enough to be his father but he's like an uncle + he always calls alex “kid”, much to alex's annoyance

but alex knows he'll have some good advice

alex + luna end up having a long conversation

like washington luna has always been very vocal abt his regrets re his naivety + desire for glory back in his youth

hes always said that this was his greatest regret in life. but then he tells alex like he had another great regret in life- letting go of the love of his life

alex is surprised bc luna's never mentioned anyone special

“who is she?” 

“he” luna corrects “he was my best friend. we had something a relationship but it was short-lived bc I decided I wanted to join the military + attain glory. i thought thats what i wanted in life. turns out that stuff is meaningless w/o anyone to share it w. nor did I even achieve it. perhaps i did accomplish some things but now in my retirement I have no one by my side. i have found that life is meaningless without love and family.  

“i tried to find my friend to reconnect after all these years even as simply friends but he died in the war. alex, I see many similarities between us. don't make the same mistake that I did, alexander. glory + lasting legacy mean nothing if you're alone in the end

“if you make choices that are motivated by love and family you will be a lot happier”

alex takes his advice even though he kind of hates sort of giving up to his enemies

he decides to choose henry and his own happiness over politics bc in the end he's done a lot of good work and that much is enough

also his enemies probably would try to blackmail him throughout his career if he was doing something against their interests

so he + henry leave the capital and move uptown and the two of them have a quiet retirement + engage in philanthropy for the rest of their lives

separately they've amassed a decent amount of money - henry kept a portion of his inheritance despite being unofficially disowned and alex made a lot of money as a lawyer and then politician

as it turns out alex still has a tangential role in politics when some of his former allies go to him for advice

all in all, alex happy with his final decision to be with henry and step away from politics

the two of them live happy and full lives together

[bronanlynch]

hamlet, much ado, CORIOLANUS, henry the fifth (guess which one I had to c&p)

tbh I assumed u were just really really excited abt coriolanus which like. valid and mood

HAMLET: Do you have any specific/creative ideas on staging a production of Hamlet?

oh boy do I........ ok first of all I would def borrow some of the set/lighting stuff from the production that I saw a few months ago (the one with ruth negga as hamlet) bc there was a lot of really really cool stuff w doors and silhouettes that I thought was super effective. also extremely a fan of having hamlet played by a woman or a transmasc actor bc like. ok. I don’t think trans!hamlet was necessarily what that production was going for but that’s how it came across to me, a transmasc person like. I’ve seen hamlet played by women in a way that felt like hamlet’s a woman in that version, regardless of how much or little they change the script/pronouns. the ruth negga version was like. oh. hamlet is trans and also even if that wasn’t what they were going for it’s still the only portrayal of a transmasc character that’s ever resonated with me personally. not to get into gender stuff but I very rarely feel like I recognize myself in fictional depictions of trans people but something abt this specific hamlet just. really vibed w me y’know? something about the mannerisms and the costuming and the way his depression isn’t specifically abt his gender stuff but that sure doesn’t help (all the layers of being referred to/referring to himself as unmanly, talking abt hating femininity contrasted w how much this version of hamlet clearly cared abt ophelia+gertrude, another reason for everyone to disapprove of his relationship, etc)

anyway tl;dr my ideal production would make hamlet trans, also I’ve been kinda vaguely considering what the costuming might look like if u set it further back in history like. more like the time that the sources shakespeare was working on were from bc then I could use the stuff I learned for my dissertation abt early medieval clothing for something

also I hate how every single production I’ve ever seen has done ophelia’s ~madness so I wanna do a version where she’s playing the same game hamlet is of like. pretending to ~go mad~ so that ppl won’t see her as a threat except it doesn’t work bc there’s a moment when she’s like. giving out the flowers and too much of her anger comes through at claudius. when she leaves the stage for the last time claudius gestures for one of his guards to follow her out with the implication that he’s having her killed (later, when gertrude comes back to say that she’s dead, so does that guard and claudius nods like. yeah good job u did the thing). also laertes tries to follow ophelia when she leaves but claudius stops him, I don’t understand why you wouldn’t play it like that he can’t just let her go like that

also also if hamlet doesn’t die in horatio’s arms what’s even the point, from a narrative perspective as well as a homoeroticism perspective. also in general horatio needs to be present throughout and like. important? bc too many production neglect horatio but like. he’s the one who makes ppl care abt hamlet anyway I’m gonna stop now before I go into an entire essay

wait no that reminds me of the actual academic essay I did write abt generational conflict in hamlet and why u gotta cast the parent generation as like. obviously older than hamlet’s generation in order to get that across. also bc lots of productions cast hamlet & gertrude closer in age than hamlet & ophelia which. hmmmm. don’t love that

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING: Go off about the best female character.

beatrice muchado is a strong contender but also everyone already loves her so I have less to say that hasn’t already been said, I would be tempted to say viola twelfthnight if I weren’t so firmly on team viola/cesario is trans, I love ophelia a lot but I hate the ~madness scenes, most of my favorite women in shakespeare productions I’ve seen have been women playing male roles like please I would love to talk abt the all-female julius caesar where brutus was a butch lesbian, or like. gwendoline christie as titania in midsummer except titania and oberon’s roles were swapped (which I have mixed feelings about bc the oberon/nick bottom stuff is played as a joke which like. to be fair that’s how titania/bottom is usually done and I know the joke isn’t actually just ‘haha they’re gay’ it’s abt the weird magic shit and the fact that puck and titania are messing with them but. y’know. the experience of being in an audience laughing at two dudes kissing did not make me personally feel great. however I fucking loved pretty much everything else about the production so it balances out to still being the best midsummer I’ve ever seen and also one of the best plays I’ve ever seen full stop)

also best is such a vague and subjective thing like. Idk I love a lot of them for different reasons, y’know? I do think beatrice and maybe juliet are the ones I would say are the best written, gertrude is a close third bc it really depends on how she’s played in any given production but one of my favorite parts of hamlet is in the last scene when she drinks the poison if it’s framed as her knowing exactly what’s going on and daring claudius to stop her and admit his own guilt

CORIOLANUS: Which gay pairing has the most evidence? (Conversely, which pairing do you wish had evidence?)

cesario/viola+orsino is canon send tweet. but really like. usually the cross-dressing heroine changes back into women’s clothing at the end to restore heteronormativity or whatever and I know that viola does say “hey I’m gonna go change” but never actually does and orsino still calls them cesario after that in one of his very last lines so like. I’m just sayin

 brutus and cassius’s deaths are basically the same as romeo and juliet’s, and are therefore also a pyramus and thisbe retelling, in this essay I will

HENRY V: What is the best monologue/soliloquy? in general I’m not that into king lear but edmund’s “now gods, stand up for bastards” monologue is extremely good and sexy, somewhere there’s a recording of riz ahmed doing it that’s just. chef’s kiss

as a hamlet stan my favorite hamlet soliloquy is his first one, the one that starts with “oh that this too too sullied flesh would melt,” and ends with “but break my heart for I must hold my tongue” which not to be a basic bitch but that’s one of my favorite lines in anything ever

also antony’s funeral speech for caesar gets me (almost) every goddamn time. the one singular exception to this was the shakespeare in the park production a few years ago where they were trying to do shallow modern political commentary that really didn’t work and actively undermined the themes of the play

[imaginingit]

high school au!haechan

GUESS WHO’S BACK !! in case you’ve never met anyone that embodies SUCH a typical high schooler like hyuck before, here u go ! may or may not have done the quarterback and band geek trope . i regret nothing 

oh BOY

first of all 

let’s backtrack a little bit and talk about middle school!haechan too cause...,,, dude is a Mess 

was the sketchy one in seventh grade that sold like g-shocks and silly bands at the hill in front of the park every lunch recess 

had a power ranger lunchbox all the way up until he was like 13 lol when yukhei would be like.....hyung......What.

during the summer when the school staff are making up the lists for the classes everyone’s like 

“nO no way he’s in a class with renjun, renjun is the only person he’ll ever be afraid of i can’t have that dispute in my class”

“um. hyuck can’t be in the same class as jisung either...i once saw him try to feed jisung yellow snow saying it was lemon flavoured... poor boy believed him...”

“mark’s mother gifted me a box of chocolates last year with a note thanking me for my hard work and begging her son to be in a different class than hyuck. sorry, guys.”

the principal looks over all the lists and is like UM these are bullshit reasons, just put all of them together, how bad could it be???

ahem. BAD.

every science class starts with chenle and yukhei SCREAMING the bill nye theme song do u guys watch the vlives my GOD i thought chenle was hard to keep up with and nOW THERE’S LUCAS 

dodgeball during phys-ed is just haechan, yukhei and jeno absolutely slaughtering everyone

mark has his headphones in the entire time in art class and if one of the guys try to talk to him he just raises his finger and shushes them

jeno and jaemin flirt 

renjun, chenle and yukhei trying to win jisung over and then ending up just swearing at each other in mandarin 

anyway

has been the football captain since he was at the youngest age that was  eligible to even sign up,,,,, he’s that good 

always always makes mark walk home with him after practice 

so mark just sits on the bleachers with his bio textbook in his lap and glasses slipping down his nose, pages just flying left and right from the wind, bored out of his mind like fUCking hyuck i hate u i hate waiting two hours for practice to end just so you can show me your new pokemon cards at home ffs

everytime there’s practice before school, he’s always the last one to stay on the field, promising coach he just wants to try another long catch

SO because he’s always late this BITch just runs straight to first period with sweaty hair and practice clothes and athletic tape still on his fingers 

renjun: you disgust me.

jaemin: here’s my deodorant. and jeno’s. and jisung’s. here take all of ours take it please just take it oh my gO d

loves this sport more than absolutely anything honestly 

his entire bedroom is just full of patriots posters and banners 

his mom pranked him on his birthday telling him to open the box on his bed with pats tickets inside 

ran upstairs crying hysterically and fucking opened it to find a picture of his siblings going HA YOU THOUGHT 

resented them for the rest of his life 

but this boy also really loves music!!

always performs a ballad every year at the school talent show with jisung doing some sort of contemporary performance

his parents are both fans of old schoolers, like abba & elvis & beatles such, so he grew up with the beautiful combination of football on the tv and ‘mamma mia’ spinning on the record player in the kitchen 

during his final middle school year, he performed a version of his favourite park hyoshin song, and finished with the entire school in uproar, cheering and screaming HYUCK HYUCK HYUCK!!! YES!!!

and so he puts the mic back on the stand and runs down the stage to his teammates waiting in the crowd

so excited and and ready to jump into their arms

only to witness a couple of them standing there motionless and checking their wrists, as if waiting from the start for his performance to be over 

he sees the defensive tackle of his team, some dude that probably shaves twice a day and is beefed BEYOND belief 

“hey man, abt time you’re done, coach wants to run over some plays for next week’s game against yg tech, let’s go”

and that was it

the hoard of guys in letterman jackets pull him into their midst and before he could even complain, they mercilessly make their way to the gym as a group

with renjun, chenle, jaemin, jeno, mark and yukhei all just standing there like ... o ... ok ... we just wanted to congratulate u, hyuck...

donghyuck never brings that moment up ever and the dreamies don’t question (yes lucas is a dreamie square up)

from then on, they notice hyuck’s been humming less and isn’t even commenting about day6′s new releases or how renjun’s grandfather bought a brand new record player from the most expensive record store in their town 

donghyuck continues being the school’s star quarterback and having meetings with minor league scouts every week 

they know it’s a touchy topic and being as close as they are with each other, they don’t pry hyuck about it and knows he’s the type to hold it in but will bring it up when he has to 

but unlike what they all think, hyuck doesn’t explode in anger or spite 

he finally opens up on a regular friday night when mark’s sleeping over after finishing a hefty assignment 

and mark is surprised that he prods on this topic with, not anger or spite, but ,,,,, fear? 

“hey mark.......what if this is the only thing i can do?"

“what do you mean?”

“i don’t want to just be some brainless jock” 

mark is a little... stunned... he’s known him all his life and this is the first time hyuck has shown any sign of fear?? of anything???

mark just scootches in a little closer....”you’re not brainless, and this won’t be the only thing you’ll be good at, i promise”

BUT OF COURSE they never speak of it again hyuck’s just kinda like hahahahahha emotions what ahahahah sadness what ahahhahah

but graduation hits and before the dreamies (and yukhei hehe) know it, it’s time for high school

all the upperclassmen know him and think he’s a little shit but love him anyway, so embraced him and all his friends when they entered 

fascinated by how much wider the hallways are and how BIG  the school actually is 

gets lost MORE FREQUENTLY THAN HE’D LIKE TO EVER ADMIT OUT LOUD .

tryouts for the football team are on like the second day 

was so excited!!!! to play with his close hyungs and co-captains jaehyun and youngho 

coach personally came up to him and was like .... boi it’s so rare for a freshman to be on the varsity team, hERE’S YOUR JERSEY NUMBER AND YOUR LOCKER AND YOUR EQUIPMENT AND YOUR OWN PERSONAL PRACTICE SCHEDULE I’LL WORK AROUND U IT’S OKAY 

is treated automatically like the superstar at the first official practice and honestly doesn’t ..,,know how to handle 

he’s only always been around his middle school friends, aka people he’s known all his life and who know he doesn’t like being smothered 

donghyuck knows he’s good but again, will anyone ever look him past the football?

mark sees all this new attention he’s getting and his heart silently breaks a bit knowing hyuck doesn’t truly want all of this

the football, yes !!! the clout, not really 

but hyuck is a freshman!! and knows he can’t speak up quite yet so he endures this superstar status already bestowed on him and forces his uncomfortable smile away 

it’s ok !! he tells himself

it’s good to be recognized for something you’re good at ..,, right ?

but as years pass and seniors graduate and championships continue to be won, hyuck slowly climbs up the popularity pyramid with it too

so by the first day of senior year, having just recently started getting close with the captain of the cheerleading squad and throwing the biggest party of the summer break as a last hurrah a few days prior, hyuck walks into the high school doors as the talk of the TOWN

all those stereotypical popular pretty boys you see on tv namely um troy bolton um austin ames um finn hudson um scott mccall um YES 

that’s literally him at this point 

loved by all students for being a social butterfly and not ??? an asshole ??? to those that aren’t as popular

teachers adore him cause he participates in class and always hands assignments in on time despite his student schedule and always gifts them little holiday baskets at the end of every semester

renjun had junior year chem with him and almost threw his paper out the window when he saw hyuck’s mark

“how are you this good ,,,,,,,, when you don’t even DO anything?!” 

point is, he’s at the top of his game

and this year, senior year, the stakes for the championship are higher than ever; with hyuck’s school topping the rankings for the east, they’ll likely be meeting with the champion team in the west for the finals, and coach claims he hasn’t seen a matchup this neck-and-neck in terms of stats, style of play, and pairing matchups in .,,,, years

so there’s absolutely no screwing around this year - losing is not an option

but overall, haechan believes he has his shit planned out: there were assignments, then exams, then playoffs, then the championships, followed by celebrations here and there, and then hopefully a scholarship, followed by graduation and then college, and then it’ll just be the flower road from there

what he really doesn’t factor in, though, is a certain captain of a certain school marching band, swooping in to save his ass for the first time of many,,,,many more to come 

it happens on a regular tuesday afternoon 

you two shared the same stupid humanities elective class during last period, and it didn’t dawn upon him that a rough copy of this useless visual presentation was due today that he did nOT even know was even assigned 

the teacher comes around with her pointy ass glasses and a clipboard decorated in purple flower stickers, visibly softening at an obviously panicked hyuck 

“hello, donghyuck, ready to show me the rough copy?” 

“well,,,,see i-i um ,,, i”

THE ENTIRE CLASS IS SILENT AT THIS POINT BC

????? LEE DONGHYUCK FORGOT AN ASSIGNMENT? 

the teacher kind of urges him on, half in disbelief and half in pity at how scared he looks for the first time ever

he’s still trying to conjure up a plausible excuse, all the while LITERALLY WANTING TO HIT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD

ugh ur so stUPID, hyuck, he thinks, coach even ended practice early last night too and all u did was binge the last airbender for the 80th time AGAIn like a DUMBASS ugh 

so there’s a couple more awkward moments of silence 

until

“oh, ms kwon! i should have said something, haha we partnered up for this one! i have it on my laptop here!!”

his flushed face whips around and lands on you 

in your oversized knit sweater and cute skinny blue jeans ripped at the knee, round glasses threatening to fall from your nose 

and a surge washes over him he’s neve r ev  er felt before 

relief ?? ya, sure. we’ll call it that for now 

the teacher looks at you, then back at hyuck with an eyebrow cocked and you steal that moment to send him a nod and stern look in your eyes

he’s spluttering at this point 

“ye-yeah, sorry miss, just a little tired and f-frazzled i guess...”

the teacher kind of just gives herself a knowing smile, as sort of a “heh....alrighty then” but walks over to your desk nonetheless 

the entire class seems to buy it too, and go back to their white noise chatter 

hyuck lets out the loudest exhale before scrambling to his feet over to you just glaring at him with a knowing smile and your arms crossed across your chest

“i’m so soRRY I DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR NAME WHY DID YOU JUST DO THAT FOR ME YOU REALLY DIDN’T HAVE TO i’m s o sorry i had practice late last night and holy crap it just totally slipped by me and-”

he stops at the sight of you bursting into a fit of giggles and is even more ??? confused ?? hes so frazzled

you: “it’s ok, you idiot, i know you always get stuff in on time anyway” 

and he shuts right back up and turns BRIGHT RED bc who even is this person? who’s so cute n helpful 

you: “i’m y/n btw!! i’m captain of the marching band for ur team” 

and the lightbulb visibly clicks for hyuck 

“OOOOH so that’s why you look so familiar!!” 

so the two of you chat away about playoffs coming up and the championships the last few years and how it’s so strange neither of you have crossed paths in the pass when you’ve had so many connections

and you kind of just smile and nod at that 

because you fully know why 

lee donghyuck, captain and quarterback of the football team

lee donghyuck, school heartthrob and teachers’ favourite

lee donghyuck, the social butterfly and the amicable figure in every situation 

he had always been there, practicing on the field in front of you as you tried to pry your eyes off of him and run the trumpet section one more time,,.,,,,he was always there, but always so??? unreachable???

you couldn’t pretend you never laid eyes on him on freshman orientation day when he was being stopped by every person he walked by to be high fived and welcomed to the team

and thought wow . his skin? his aura? the way his smile lights up the whole goddamn room? 

and you’re in a lot of classes with jaemin and always see hyuck drop by a few minutes before class to sit and goof around before getting lovingly chastised by the teacher 

but never reached out to say hi or anything 

he was always too unreachable 

BUT OF COURSE you don’t say anything and instead just smile at the ground and shrug 

“guess that’s just the way we’re supposed to be, you know?” 

and just as he was about to ask what you meant by that, the bell rings and you let out a breath you didn’t even realize you were holding 

like w Ow a whole 1 hour class w ur crush and he’s finally talking to you ???? TOO MUCH FOR ONE DAY 

you don’t even utter a goodbye  but just give him a bright, knowing smile, stuff your papers into your bag and leave for the day 

and even as the classmates pack up and the teacher is gone and hyuck knows he doesn’t have practice today but needs to get home bc he promised his mom he would help with her flat tire, he can’t find it in himself to stand up and leave 

he’s sitting there processing your words, and just,,,,you

“i’ve really been around y/n this whole time and didn’t even know it?” 

suddenly he just feels stricken with guilt and shame and remembers all the time the ball landed by the bleachers and you exCitedly running down the steps to toss it back clumsily 

he remembers always smiling back and saying “thanks”, but never quite meeting the eyes of the person 

he lets out a grumble and just plunks his head onto the wooden desk loudly 

chenle and jisung come bc they were all supposed to walk home together 

and just see a slumped hyuck bumping his head up and down on the table whispering “stupid, ,,,,, so stupid” over and over again

jisung: he did it oh my god it’s done it broke him football finally broke him HIGH SCHOOL FUCKING BROKE HIM 

so after fixing the tire and helping clean after dinner and finally lying in bed that night

he makes this silent promis e ??? to make it up to u somehow ?? 

you both wake up the next day, both w each other lingering in your minds, and both unsure of what to do to get rid of it 

though hyuck isn’t sure he wants to 

you both daze off during classes and stare at the back of the head of the person in front of you,,,,just,,, thinking 

and then it’s time for fifth period 

and you don’t think you’ve ever speedwalked so fast to a class before 

people start pouring in and as the second bells starts to ring you still don’t see his face and you decide getting your hopes up all day for no reason was just stupid 

the teacher is about to start the class before the door opens one last time and you see a visibly flustered hyuck shuffle in 

right into the seat next to you 

what you don’t know is two minutes prior to this, poor dude was in the bathroom rinsing his face and trying to do something, anytHING to get the blush off his cheeks but to no avail 

so the lesson today was about families and societies and you swear the next ten minutes felt like forty 

your eyelids start getting a little heavier before you hear the scratching of a pencil on paper 

he’s marked the side of your notebook with a little “hello ^-^” 

you try to conceal the beaming smile threatening to creep on ur face but you really can’t

you’re just a little whipped aren’t u

that entire class is then just spent doodling stupid things on each other’s notebooks and giggling and even had to have the teacher turn to you guys and give a stern look before realizing it was hyuck and just BEAMED 

by the time the class ended you were packing your stuff up to leave before he gRabs your hand 

“what the--?” 

he takes your thumb and places it on the fingerprint scanner before fiddling with something on it 

your mind immediately sprinted to the WORST IDEAS

“he’s hacking my instagram right now isn’t he he’s telling my family on facebook that i do drugs, isn’t he LEE DONGHYUCK GIVE ME MY PHONE”

so you start to fumble for it before he hands it back to you calmly,

“i’ll be expecting a text tonight”

and then he’s gone 

SMOOTH ISN’T HE 

and that was the start of the cutest friendship ever ???? 

you guys talk about anything and everything, from the colour of your room to his sister’s favourite food to the one time you fell from your treehouse and had to get stitches to the time lucas got stuck in a slide on a children’s playground when they all decided to sneak out at like 11pm at night and had to call the fire department to come get him out 

and texts eventually turn into calls and calls eventually turn into being inseparable at school

the boys LOVE YOU and immediately pinned you on their side to torture hyuck together

and as time goes by, all the boys start noticing changes in hyuck and how he would never do anything with them without mentioning your name

like they’d be out having ice cream after studying at jisung’s and he’d absentmindedly mention that this lemon ice cream is the perfect colour of your room and that yellow is your favourite colour 

or that the disco ball in jaemin’s basement is exactly the one you have dangling on the rearview mirror in your car 

so WINK WINK NUDGE NUDGE but the boys respect you enough to not tell you yet bc you deserve to have hyuck confess on his own

you guys hang out any chance you get and it isn’t till near spring formal that he comes over with some mcdonalds that you realize you’ve gotten so comfortable so fast 

so you both settle into the kitchen before he opens up the big mac, takes off one of the buns of the burger, to reveal ketchup dotted across the patty spelling “SF? :D” bc the patty was too small to spell the full words, “spring formal?” lol 

and you scoff and throw a fry at him bc of course you’d go with him 

and your heart’s just racing for the rest of the night

after dinner you head out to your backyard and lay a blanket on the grass to stare up at the stars 

hyuck knows a lot about astrology so you love just lying there and hearing him tell you about the lyra constellation and its myths 

you spend the night just giggling and laughing and shoving each other around before it starts to get really late and he knows he should be going 

but he can’t seem to move

and so he asks,

“hey, are you mad at me?”

and you’re a little,,,confused before you reply, “for spilling jisung’s apple juice on my laptop the other day? just a little, but i’ll forgive you if you pay for my spring formal ticket for me hehe”

he rolls his eyes and scoffs and says, “no you idiot”

you can’t think of why you’d be upset with him, considering it was just a regular night for you two

he explains, “you know.....for not really knowing you before this year”

your heart kind of sank bc you weren’t really expecting it but you also deep deep deep down seriously wished he would never bring this up 

it’s silence until you answer

“no, because i don’t blame you for it” 

“what do you mean”

“well...” you know it’s a tough thing to tell him but you know he’ll listen to your words

“you’ve just always been unreachable, you know? like i remember seeing you on freshmen orientation day and just thinking, you know, this guy is just something else,,,something i’ll never be. and over the years, i made my peace with that, bc that’s just the situation you were thrust in,,, you know, football and parties and stuff”

and hyuck’s heart sinks with each word because you really mentioned everything he was afraid of,,,,that he was only ever gonna be popular because of football,,,,and that he never really had a say before he was thrust into the social status he’s in now 

just as he’s about to clear his throat from emotions and get up to spout some stupid excuse on why his mom wants him home now even though she was probably already in bed, you continue

“but....now i know that’s not all that you are...you’re kind and smart and sweet and funny, and yeah you’re crazy good at football but you’re also crazy good at singing and science and fixing tires and vacuuming and playing with your little sister and making people laugh,,,that’s why you’re my friend now”

hyuck doesn’t realize how long he stares at you after you said that before you wave your hand in front of his face ((”uh dude.....”))

he feels tears welling up in his throat so he just lies back down and makes some nonchalant comment again, playing it all off like he usually does

“mhm okay yea enough with the sappiness i just wanted to know if the geeky band girl hates the quarterback captain like they typically do okay blah blah”

but you and him both know

you’re both concealing smiles as you lay there, staring at the stars 

he’s never heard anyone talk about him like that before 

and you’ve always known that he was still a little unsure of himself 

and maybe this just put this all to rest 

and as you both lay there with the sound of your own frantic heartbeats in your ears, you dwell on the fact that maybe it shouldn’t be beating that hard,,,,that fast,,,,

ANYWAY

senior year is going by, and before you guys know it, championships are in three days  

your school wins the semi-finals in dramatic fashion, with the winning touchdown seconds before the final whistle 

and you couldn’t make it to that game bc of a huge assignment due the next day but hyuck makes sure to call you as soon as he grabbed his stuff from the locker room 

“hEY WHERE ARE YOU GOING WE’RE GOING TO MINGYU’S HOUSE FOR DRINKS TO CELEBRATE”

“SORRY DUDES SOMETHING IMPORTANT CAME UP!!! HAVE FUN WITHOUT ME!!”

it was only a beat of silence before jungwoo just scoffed and shrugged, “someone’s WHIPPPEEEDDD” 

hyuck just blushes red and runs out in the midst of the entire locker room hollering and throwing sweaty towels at him 

bc he knows he doesn’t really have feelings for you, does he? 

these past few months have been amazing but it can’t be 

all he does know is 

how your hair smells like vanilla when you whip your head around to scold him for pinching your sides 

how your eyes crinkle when you laugh at some pun you read on reddit 

how your fingers get really bad circulation so they’re always cold and red and you have to make sure to wear sweaters during the winter to keep them warm

how you hate helping out the flutes cause they’re always screechy 

how you started playing the saxophone because your grandma did when she was in college 

how your eyes light up when someone mentions your favourite tv show character 

how you hate carrots but he always makes you eat them cause they’re good for you and you just sit there all pouty

how much he loves loves LOVES when you come over to just do nothing like sit on his windowsill and read or go through his old childhood pictures for the millionth time and giggle at every cute smiley one for the millionth time

he’s standing there in the middle of the field with his phone in his hand, dangling by his side, with you hollering through the receiver like “,,,,hello? bitch u called ME, HELLO?!!” 

and he just mumbles a “uh i gotta go sorry i’ll tell you about it tomorrow” 

and hangs up

cause fuck 

he’s in love isn’t he 

and he’s lying in bed again that night, knowing that he wants to tell you but he’s also so afraid, cause you’re his best best best (sorry mark) friend

and he’s never gotten so close to anyone so fast 

and he loves going to practice early with you so you guys can grab breakfast before 

and how he always makes sure to “accidentally” miss a toss and have it land on your head while you’re running a piece

so he tosses and turns all night 

before he comes to a decision

he knows the marching band always has practice on the bleachers every wednesday morning, coinciding with the team’s morning practice as well  

he rips his sheets off his tired body but surges up and runs to his computer, types in a few things onto the search engine and presses “print” 

it’s the next morning, and as you groggily heave yourself up from your bed, dreading having to deal with the flutes and their screeching sharps today, you also think abt hyuck and you wonder why he was acting so weird last night

but you brush it off as fatigue from a long and gruelling game 

it’s a beautiful day outside already at 7:00 in the morning, with just the slightest bit of chilliness and dew on the morning grass, and hyuck thinks it’s no accident that the sun decided to come out today too 

he holds the crinkly sheets of music in his hands, slightly shaking and profusely sweating, somehow nervous bc of someone he admires for the first time ??? in his life ???? 

he practically sprints to school, wanting to be there before you do

he spots the majority of the marching band already there and he sighs in relief when he doesn’t spot you

“hEy guys!” he runs up to the bleachers 

and he stops for a second before he realizes like ..... all these people look like deers in headlights bc ,, ,,,,,, the quarterback,,,,isn’t here with you?? aren’t you guys always stuck beside each other ????

“i’m s o sorry i don’t have a lot of time to explain and i know its confusing and this is gonna be such a rush but here !!!!” 

he hands out the sheet music to everyone there and makes them promise to not let you know about it 

everyone exchanges confusing looks ((one dude’s just like ‘fuck man it’s too early in the morning for secrets’)) but end up agreeing anyway and haechan doesn’t even have time to celebrate before he hears his teammates starting to make their way out of the practice room

he runs over to seungkwan, your best friend in band and someone who haechan knows won’t hold his word unless a bribe is involved

“okay look i know you’re y/n’s best friend but you have to promise me you won’t let her know about this okay?”

seungkwan props his clarinet on his shoulders, almost as if he was holding a baseball bat instead and does his best to puff his shoulders like “HMPH well what do i get out of this??”

“if you can establish a secret rehearsal time for tomorrow with the rest of the band where i can come and rehearse with you, i’ll set you up with our running back” bc god fucking knows vernon and seungkwan have been crushing on each other for years but have never had the guts to go NEAR each other and haechan is just sick of vernon’s endless daydreaming in the locker room 

seungkwan goes BRIGHT RED before clearing his throat and muttering “ugh fiNe” under his breath even tho he’s finally !!!!!! gonna talk to hansol !! agghhhhh!!!! 

haechan practically blows him a million kisses and runs off to the locker room before seungkwan asks

“HEY ummmm but uh why are you doing this?”

haechan sighs and feels he can’t even begin to explain himself without becoming a blubbering mess

so he just reassures him with a, “you’ll see”

hyuck doesn’t come to class that day even though you swore you saw him at practice 

he had cancelled breakfast w you earlier that morning and only waved to you once during practice, but again, you credit that to the finals being in 48 hours 

you shoot him a “cute bum where u from” text in hopes of getting his attention

“okay but no seriously WHERE ARE U I HATE MS KWON SO MUCH”

and no answer again 

you huff and give up and know he’ll message when he has to 

what you don’t know is he made sure to steer clear of you from now until the championships bc 1. he’s still not sure what he can do around you anymore now that he Knows how he Feels 

and 2. bc his hands are just glued to the sheet music, trying to rehearse as much as he can for this little surprise he has planned for you 

so all he does is just send you back a simple “not feeling well, just gonna rest up until the game” 

and your heart sinks bc you guys haven’t gone 48 hours without talking since like 8 months ago 

regardless, with championships coming up and endless school assignments piling up, you’re pretty well distracted 

but you do also silently curse yourself for imagining every quote in romeo and juliet to be hyuck and you 

and how every hour of those 48 hours seemed so excruciating and long and empty bc both of you were so busy 

so by the time it’s game day, you are restless and in so much yearning for a presence you never knew you needed this bad 

but you know, as soon as the game’s over, you can hopefully run into his arms and congratulate him 

ahem platonically ofc ahem, you try to convince yourself 

you get to the field and it’s already bustling with mascots and spectators and streamers and you can barely hear the sound of the band warming up above all the noise 

intros begin and you guys start playing the opening pieces as the banner rips and out runs 

hyuck

and it’s like suddenly the earth just . stops 

looking at him running out, eyes blazed and all determined and strong made you feel so much all at once, you could feel your knees starting to buckle

and it didn’t really help when, mid run, he turns his head to you and gives a subtle smile and wink before heading to the center of the field 

you bite back a beaming smile of your own

for the next two hours, that’ll have to be enough 

and there wasn’t a single doubt in your body that they were gonna lose 

the game starts and the volume doesn’t dim for even a second 

you feel yourself sweating profusely through your blue and white uniform with each toss and whistle and tackle and you swear you’ve never been so nervous in your life 

it’s the final quarter and your school is down by just a touchdown and you swear you won’t be able to handle this anymore it’s toO MUCH

you glance up at the stands to see yukhei holding chenle’s head and screaming and jaemin with his head in his hands and jeno just closing his eyes ((”i can’t watch i can’t watch i can’t watch”)) and mark and jisung grabbing onto each other muttering things that look like praying ??? 

you even spot former alumni, youngho, taeyong and jaehyun, biting their nails and clasping their hands 

there’s barely a minute left and the ball is in our possession 

you hear hyuck echo a “HUT!! HUT HUT” before he tosses the ball in the air

it’s like time slows down as you see the running back catch it and dash for the end 

THE ENTIRE FIELD IS ON THEIR TOES as you watch your team’s defence tackle and hammer people out of vernon’s way 

he’s going and going and just before the horn blows for the end of the game, he crosses the line and 

EVERYONE GOES INSANE

the horn blows for the final second and once again, you guys have done it 

everyone from the stands pours down onto the field and before you can process it, mark and the boys are running up to you and dog-piling you, dragging you into the crowd with them

they did it!!! hyuck did it!!!! 

there are streamers and confetti everywhere but your eyes are just straining and stretching, looking for him 

it’s just loud, white noise for a second before you hear something behind you 

your band is in position and you see seungkwan counting them in for the opening beats

your heart starts to panic to remember if you forgot you had another piece to perform?????

the opening chords to a familiar classic starts playing and before you can even react 

there’s a voice in a mic 

and the sound of someone singing 

and it’s hyuck 

the band plays along with him and you’re just,,,,,perplexed and confused as to what he’s doing 

until you realize he’s looking straight at you

the swing beat starts to get everyone in the crowd singing and dancing 

but you’re frozen in your spot 

did he plan this?? what is he doing and how did you not know about it???? you feel hands behind you and eyes start to land on you as the boys push you forward and hyuck starts making his way onto the field to where you’re standing 

the crowd gets even louder and the music gets even happier as he’s dancing and grooving his way to you 

and then there he is, right in front of you 

his voice has you hypnotized and you’re absolutely sure this is a dream 

you guys move together to the beat, never taking eyes off one another and you just have an amazed expression on your face the entire time 

the songs comes to a beautiful climactic end and you still have no idea what’s going on

the lyrics still echo in your head

“hey, hey, baby....i want to know if you'll be mine...when i saw you walking down the street, i said that’s someone i’d like to meet,,,”

and the entire school is watching ((INCLUDING HYUCK’S PARENTS AND YOUR TEACHERS))) and your head is just spinning, spinning, spinning

he lowers the mic and just leans close and rests his forehead on yours and whispers his words to you

“i love you, and i’m so sorry it took so long but i really really do, i just hope i can make up for all the time lost,” 

his eyes are pouring emotions into yours and for some reason you want to cry 

his team just won a championship!!!! scouts are probably here, scribbling his name down for a scholarship right now!! and everyone on this field was just yelling and whooping his name a second ago!!! 

yet he’s standing here, so vulnerable and nervous in front of you 

so you grab his face and swallow your nerves

and tell him you love him, you’ve loved him for so long 

all you hear is just muted yelling and cheering and whooping around you before you swear you see a glisten in his eyes as he leans and swoops you in for a kiss 

the band is going off and playing some other 80s love tune and there is still confetti just flying all over the place and people running up to you and hugging you guys 

but his hand is still entangled in yours and he just winks 

bc in the midst of all the chaos and all the noise of being such a superstar, there you are 

and he’s sure that’s all he’ll need 

[lividian]

Wat up, I'm here to bitch about stuff.

A good 90% of my life is straight pain and struggle right now. I spend every day trying to distract myself from how I'm feeling, whether that's through sitting on facebook watching slime videos for hours, doing schoolwork for even more hours, or doing regular things and pretending everything is fine. I try to make myself believe that I'm ok. Not say I'm never going to be ok, but I'm having a hard time dealing with all the shit life is throwing at me; has been throwing at me, for years.

I took off that mask yesterday, and I feel like I've been emotionally flayed. I'm raw and feeling all those little fragments of emotion I was protecting myself from, all at once. I've been in bed for the past 3 hours or so, thinkin about life and what mine is trying to teach me. Writing helps and I'm really open abt my mental health struggles, so I figured I'd pour it all out on here so maybe it could help someone or something.

A lot of my stressors include other people, so for their privacy, I'm going to use aliases.

Have you ever done something completely against your values/beliefs and wondered what underlying causes made you (re)act that way? I try to think about that often bc it tends to give new perspective and shed light on information necessary for changing those behaviors.

I had a tough childhood and now that I'm older, I can see the impact it's had on me for so long. Even things I can barely remember are reflected in my emotional responses and conscious decisions if I pay enough attention. Bc of the trauma and inconsistent relationship I had with my parents, I have varying degrees of trust issues, problems with relationships (platonic, familial, and romantic), and mental illnesses. I've struggled with behavioral problems for a long, long time. At one point, it was thought I had ODD because of the severity of some of my outbreaks.

Fortunately, some of my more unusual symptoms started showing up as early as 7. I had been placed in the custody of close family a couple years before that, who sought professional help when my depression and visual hallucinations first appeared. I was in counseling from that point on and began seeing psychiatrists at the age of 13, all of that lasted until I turned 19 and lost my medicaid.

Shortly after I started experiencing various mental health problems, I went into sort of a "dark age" and I don't remember much, like there's a big blind spot in my memories. There are some memories that survived and I've clung to, because I don't have much left from that time period. It lasted until about when I started taking psychiatric medications. And about that time, I started to experience extreme mood swings which resulted in damn near anything, from self harm and suicide attempts to violent outbursts and severe paranoia and delusions. These only increased in intensity until I was kicked out at the age of 17.

*I was hurt by that for a long time which fueled poor decision after poor decision, but I have forgiven both myself and my family bc all that anger and pain and guilt was doing was holding me back. I appreciate everything my family has done for me and I hold them very dear to my heart, especially in times of hardship.*

That's some back story for ya. A lot has happened since then, and maybe I'll talk about it some other time, but I'd really like to focus on the present.

My biggest source of pain currently is the fact that my daughter, Acacia, is in one state and I'm in another. I miss her terribly and every day I sit and think about how I've failed her. I want to be a source of joy for her, but right now she's hurting because her mother is gone and she doesn't understand why. We facetime, but she tells me that she doesn't like me and she's sad. It breaks my heart that she's dealing with such big emotions and I can't even be there to comfort her. But I'm also very grateful she's surrounded by people who love her and we can talk every day. It's really hard, and I'm usually in a lot of pain after we hang up, but I will always be there for her. I have to be the mother she needs me to be so I'm going to have to make some tough decisions. I'm not going to talk abt this anymore bc it's too much for me right now.

I'm in another state living with my husband, Onyx, and I feel utterly and completely alone. We left bc we were evicted back home and the only place we could go was his parents'. He shut me out a long time ago, but the homesickness is amplifying my feelings of isolation. Due to some of the toxicity in our relationship, I burned many bridges with friends and family, and aside from my 2 best friends (who I rarely talk to anymore) I have no one. Many days I beg Onyx for affection or communication or some semblance that he still loves me, but my efforts are futile. Weve been having the same fight for nearly half a year. I bring up something that's bothering me, and he becomes angry and says "it's always something", in some form or another I try to remind him that we have to work on the issues in our relationship at some point if we want things to get better, this is where he usually gets defensive and says something something along the lines of "I always need 'more or too much'". From that point, I've learned to just be quiet bc our problems are suddenly my fault and he will do everything in his power to deflect and shame if I try to get him to own up to his negative behaviors that hurt me almost every second.

I saw the red flags a long time ago, but I had hope. Hope that has now completely withered away bc I know he won't change, at least not anytime soon. I can see it in his face when I try to have any form of an adult conversation with him. The way he just barely squints his eyes while I'm talking, the smirk that I try to convince myself isn't real bc it's so slight, the overall look of complete apathy.

I've tried leaving before, several times and one period of 5 months, but I wanted to make things work bc we got married this year. He told me it would make me more consistent and I wouldn't feel like leaving all the time, but let me tell you, I feel like leaving all the time. I've told him about my plans to go back home, without him. I've told him I would stay if he would be a part of this relationship too bc I can't be with someone who is the source of so much of my pain. You know that saying, "you can't make someone love you if they don't want to"? It's true, fucking painfully true. I've found myself holding on to tiny shreds of hope here and there, making myself believe that he'll try in small gestures like a kiss or laying his head on me. But I've been doing that for too long. I have made sacrifices for him over and over to the point where I don't recognize myself anymore. I've stopped talking to wonderful ppl bc it made him uncomfortable. I'll admit it, I kissed a guy back the night after we decided to be mutually exclusive. I talked to an ex love interest for a period of time abt how I was struggling in my relationship w Onyx. But I apologized, owned up to those behaviors, and made changes. I don't deserve for those things to be held over my head and brought up in almost every fight bc yes, I fucked up, but I did what I had to do to fix things. At a certain point, you have to be accountable for how you let your hurt and anger manifest.

So now I'm leaving bc I have to get back to my daughter and get in a better environment, but I don't know how or when. Like I said earlier, I ruined a lot of relationships try to preserve the one that was ruining me. But I'm really stuck out here, I've never been able to hold a job in my working career, and even if I could, I'm also taking several online college classes (that's been a bitch too) so I can't work more than part time and even that would jeopardize my mental health. I'm really stuck and so frustrated and I'm sorry that this has been a super long post. Like I said, I'm just bitching about life. I know the most sucky situations bring about the most growth.

For those of you who are curious, my diagnoses are PTSD, atypical OCD, and persistent depression w mood incongruent psychotic features.

Also: Besides being a good talker, I'm also a great listener. If you're struggling right now, I'm here for u.

[holy-shit-dangan-ronpa]

more backstory n shit for my v3 talentswap au oopsie

Pianist Shinguuji

His sister is the reason he started to play piano.

He doesn't really like playing too much, he prefers to listen.

He thrives off the positive attention and thrill of winning, so he keeps playing.

He wants to make his sister proud one day, since her playing is the best (in his opinion).

??? Yumeno

She likes helping out others, but is still lazy.

She only sometimes pays attention in class.

Never gets enough sleep.

Loves oversized sweaters.

So cute.

Suffers of some resting bitch face.

Possibly SHSL Tutor? (not sure abt that)

Inventor Gonta

You know Tinkerbell? yeah thats him

Instead of talking to bugs when he got lost, he made stuff with things he found in the woods.

He made this super cool irrigation system!

Still thanks people for talking to him (like in canon)

Ruler Kiibo

Asks that you call him "SHSL President" bc it sounds less scary

His mom's a US Senator. He studies English in his free time!

His dad works for the Japanese government.

So many expectations oh god

He actually detests politics. He wants to be an engineer!

Best friends with Gonta.

No relation to Iidabishi.

Robot Iruma (TW for disowning and sexual abuse...?)

Originally invented by Iidabishi to be the perfect woman of his sexual fantasies (hence her proportions)

(This is why she talks in sex jokes a lot)

One time Iidabishi broke her, and her code got mixed up with another one of Iidabishi's projects.

Not wanting to be Iidabishi's slave anymore, she ran away from home.

She wants to be a real human!

She has no idea whst friendships or love (outside of sex) are ( :,( )

Entomologist Ouma

Super bad at socializing.

So he goes to his backyard and begins talking to the bugs in his backyard!

They get ready to rule the world!

He summons mosquitos to bite people who piss him off.

Somehow, his fashion sense is even worse than in canon.

(idk what to do for detective!tenko pls help)

Cosplayer Toujou

So many sighs of relief when she says her talent.

(Everyone mistakes her for some sort of evil being or something.)

Always at her sewing machine, making new garmets and doing comissions.

People have to remind her to eat.

She never denies a cosplay request. never.

Anthropologist Tsumugi

Learning is her favorite thing to do!

She has this like, three-inch thick binder filled with her research and facts.

Mythology is her favorite!

She's often cited in documentaries.

Often spotted in the library, on the ground, surrounded by textbooks, pens, and papers.

Aikido Maki

Raised in an orphanage like in canon.

One time, for a week, an aikido practitioner came in order to convince the kids to get active.

Using the practictioner's techniques, and making techniques of her own, she invented "Children's Aikido."

She was able to escape the orphanage with her newfound strength!

She came back and formed a makeshift "underground railroad" for the other kids.

The caretakers still haven't caught on.

Caretaker Hoshi

Most kids don't even know he's a high school student.

His hat is a pikachu. That way kids can recognize him.

Works at a local daycare.

He gets called "king" by the kids, because his lanyard means that he has authority.

Sometimes he brings his cat to the daycare. The kids love his cat.

Maid Momota

Japanese Café Maid.

Even wears a petticoat.

Purple uniform with white apron. Tons of ruffles.

He saw a live show at a maid café when he was little and immediately decided that that was what he was gonna be when he grew up.

People laugh at him a lot because he's a boy in a frilly dress but he doesn't care!

He was able to start working at a maid café at 14 thanks to his friends crafting a resumé for him. (The age requirement was 16.)

He was found out, but he still works.

He's Momota Kaito, soon to be the most famous Maid in the universe!

Tennis Player Angie

The star of her island's sport's festivals.

She says her talent isn't what lets her win, but rather the influence of God.

Has a buttoned skirt that she rips off before matches.

Everyone underestimates her because she's cute!

Picks up random slang from traveling so much for matches.

Astronaut Akamatsu

Galaxy tights!!

She wants to go to space!!

Won science competitions as a kid.

Head of her middle school astronomy club.

Knows like, every constellation.

Same personality as in canon.

Magician Amami

Had no plans to become a magician.

His friends were chillin' with him one day and he managed to pull off these cool tricks accidentally.

He then learned how to do magic thanks to textbooks and youtube.

Performs shows locally most of the time, but does live events on youtube!

Uses the money to support his family.

Artist Saihara

Has been taking private art lessons with his uncle for 6+ years.

Under constant pressure of good grades from his parents, and he prefers to be with his Uncle bc he understands him better.

He is great at watercolor!

He doesn't think he's a good artist bc he can't draw digitally.

He tries his best.

[imreszekeres]

for the anon that wanted all 100

1. Name- Ash! 2. Age- 18 3. City that you live in- fear, usually 4. What do most people not know about you?- nothing really, i compulsively release useless information about myself 5. What do most people know you for?- being fat and annoying 6. Hobbies- makeup, youtubers, sleeping, writing, drawing 7. What are your passions?- writing 8. What do you search for in a significant other?- i really Really need to be understood, and someone who is patient is nice too 7. What are you most proud of?- I hav gone to State and gotten within the top 10% in my Journalism competitions, which puts me in the top .08% of all high school students in my state. :-) im good for some things 8. When was the last time you had a significant conversation with someone you love?- every day when I talk to @pizzasteveofficial <3 all our conversations are significant 2 me 9. Have you ever collected anything? What was it?- I collect my tears in a jar and store them, then shower in them every night 10. List 10 things off of your bucket list.- I want to get married in the snow, have a daughter, get a Heartagram tattoo (at least one lol), write a successful book, and.. idk what else :0 11. What was the last thing you learned?- jesus I dont know, you learn sth new every day! hard to remember 12. How many relationships have you been in?- um.. 7 I think i feel like im forgetting one tho. I wont name them obvi but i think im forgetting one? i feel like ive been in 8 oh well 13. Turn ons- validation 14. Turn offs- being alive 15. Favorite food- frozen yogurt! I like the vanilla or white chocolate flavor with looots of toppings 16. Favorite drink- Coke 17. What is the best birthday gift you have ever received?- i dont really know! I dont remember a lot of my birthdays for trauma reasons so  18. Are you optimistic or pessimistic?- pessimistic by far lol 19. Do you sleep during class?- its happened a handful of times, I try not to bc I HATE missing work its annoying 20. What is the most expensive thing you own?- myself?? jk its my laptop 21. What is the cheapest yet most useful thing you own?- a 1 dollar ELF blending brush. yall those things are bomb please go buy some! 22. How many times a day on average do you check your phone?- that number does not exist holy shit  23. Text or call?- TEXT BLEASE I HAVE SUCH BAD HEARING 24. Opinion on long distance?- it can work! ive done it a lot of times. distance has never been whats broken a relationship for me, not directly anyway 25. What is your definition of success?- success is when you’re happy. you do not have many worries, not the kind that keep you awake at night or make your tummy sick anyway. You have people that love you and, if you died, you’d be remembered as a good bean 26. Favorite song?- right now im really diggin “Hate (I Really Dont Like You)” by the plain white Ts 27. Favorite artist?- HIM!!!!!!!!!!!! <3 28. Celebrity crush/crushes?- Ville Valo ALWAYS lmao hes my god 29. When was the last time you read for fun?- like last month 30. Favorite flower?- roses 31. What is the best gift you could receive right now?- a plane ticket to Connecticut and like 1000 dollars 32. Any guilty pleasures?- pop... music... BUT LIKE THE GOOD KIND U FEEL? I DONT LIKE STUFF FROM THE LAST 2 OR 3 YEARs...  33. What is one thing you would like to change about yourself?- my weight, and that sounds so shallow but it. is taking a toll on me. 34. What do you search for in a friend?- someone who is like me! 35. How many times have you said "I love you" in the past month?- not enough 36. Where did you last go other than your room/home?- school.. 37. Why do bad things happen to good people?- because life isnt fair 38. In your opinion, what hurts more? Being left out or being stabbed in the eye?- what the fuck being stabbed in the eye have you ever been stabbed in the fucking eye? because i havent and i can already tell you that if my friends were talking without me and then someone stabbed me in the fuCKING EYE I WOULD BE JUST A LITTLE BIT MORE PREOCCUPIED WITH BEING STABBED IN THE E Y E  39. How many green shirts do you own?- none lol 40. Do you like anime?- sure! I dont watch it rn but i dont watch anything rn, haha 41. What do you invest the most time in?- sleeping,, 42. What was the name of the last book you read?- Rebecca :3 very gud book 43. What's the difference between loving and liking someone?- when ur main squeeze gets a hair cut and u still wanna suck their dingus u love em, thats it sorry i dont make the rules 44. Where are you most productive?- i dont.. know what this is asking lol I’m most protective over my romantic partners. As much as I’d love to say im most protective over Sarah, nothing compares to how “troll guarding his treasure” i am w/my loves.......... *eyes @my crush* 45. List 3 things you enjoy doing with friends.- talking shit abt rude ppl, playing vidya gaem, and talking abt life 46. List 3 things you enjoy doing alone.- watching makeup tutorials, watching lets plays, and thinking about everything and anything 47. Do you believe world peace will ever exist?- absolutely not. theres too many people on the earth to achieve that 48. Do you have any allergies?- Not to anything specific but i get them really often seasonally. i get them pretty much every time the weather changes :( 49. When was the last time you cussed at someone?- i mean.. every day of my life so like 50. What was the last promise you made?- idek dude 51. What was your last dream about?- IT WAS SO WEIRD IT WAS ABOUT MY CRUSH’S MOM? I DREAMT THAT SHE WAS A DEMON WHO STORED HER EGGS IN LITTLE PORCELAIN JARS AND THAT MY CRUSH HAD AN EAR INFECTION AND WE WERE IN A SNOWY VILLAGE IDK DONT ASK ME its weird bc my crushs mom is so sweet... 52. If you won a trip to Hawaii and you could take 5 people with you, who would those 5 people be?- i would literally only take Sarah bc i hate everyone 53. How many countries have you visited?- ive never been outside the US 54. What is your favorite medium of art? (Music, dance, painting, etc.)- writing :-) 56. When was the last time somebody complimented you?- those nice anons i got yesterday/the other day! 56. If you switched bodies with someone, how would you recognize yourself?- what do u even mean? youd know bc youd be like THIS ISNT MY BODY 57. Do you consider yourself mature?- kind of, yes 58. How many days in your life do you think you have wasted on tumblr?- too fuckin many 59. What is your favorite quote?- “Worship Satan!” -Ville Valo (no but rly any HIM lyric is my favorite quote, theyre so beautiful,,,) 60. If you started a new religion and you had to create 3 rules or commandments for your new followers to live by, what would those 3 rules be?- dont hurt ppl unless they hurt u, dont touch ppl unless they want u to, and respect gender/sexuality 61. What is your greatest accomplishment?- going 2 state! 62. Do you believe in the death penalty?- yeah i actually think it should b used more lol, kill all rapists and p*dophiles :-) 63. What are your goals for life?- i just wanna b happy, man 64. What do you think your soulmate is doing right now?- being a fucking idiot, probably 65. If you could live anywhere, where would you live? The place can be in an imaginary, fantasy, or the real world.- CALIFORNIA LMAO IM SUCH A SUCKER FOR CALIFORNIA AND I NEVER EVEN BEEN THERE 66. What were you like in 2013?- awful but also really sweet... then again i wasnt TECHNICALLY the host so lol  67. Do you have a job?- no :( i cant drive 68. Tell us a story about your childhood best friend.- she was an abusive bitch who took out her parents hating her on me the end 69. If you could change one thing about society, what would it be?- i would make discrimination a way more serious crime than it is taken for rn. ppl who discriminate should b put in jail 70. How many all-nighters have you pulled before?- just one when i had to install the sims and it took 6 years 71. Is tumblr your favorite website? If not, then what is your favorite website?- my fave website is youtube 72. What is the craziest thing you would do for a million dollars?- suck a dick, i guess 73. Does money equal happiness?- not all the time but it sure can 74. How many times have you experienced true happiness in your lifetime?- never, i dont think 75. How many times have you experienced true sadness in your lifetime?- too many times 76. What is the funniest joke you have ever been told?- you know that joke abt the blind man at the beginning of Crazy Rap? yeah thats fucking HILARIOUS  77. When was the last time you looked at the news?- this morn :0 78. If you could say one thing to the world, what would you say?- im gay 79. What is your favorite animal?- RACCOONS!!!!!!!!!!!! 80. If you could earn a million dollars by pretending to be dead for 3 years, would you do it?- i mean sure lmao nobody would b upset about it so 81. What is one thing that everyone is bad at?- being a human. 82. What time do you normally sleep? How many hours of sleep do you usually get?- i usually go to bed at 10 and get like 6 or 7 hours 83. Does age necessarily equal maturity?- not at all! 84. What is your favorite clothing store?- hot topic lol 85. In the winter- beanies or gloves?- gloves b 86. Would you rather have wings or a fish tail?- wings?? why would i want a fish tail 87. If you had the power to erase one person from the world so that nobody remembered him or her except you, would you do it?- absofuckinglutely.  88. What do you fear the most?- being like my rapist. thats a little too deep than i like to go but im being honest, thats literally my biggest fear Ever 89. How many digits of pi can you recite?- 3.14 lmfao i hate math 90. If you could travel back to one year and relive it again, which year would it be?- 2004. I would stop it before it happened. :-( 91. Describe yourself in one word.- stupid 92. Describe your last victory.- i woke up today w/o killin meself 93. What is the weirdest thing you have ever seen?- bendytoots cucumberpitch’s face 94. What is something you will never forget?- prom.. something rly nice happened 95. Would you rather forget all of the past or remember everything in vivid detail?- forget everything. please 96. Have you ever broken a bone before?- nope! 97. Is it harder to love or to hate somebody?- probably harder to love them lol 98. Coffee or tea?- coffer 99. What are some little things that you do that have changed your life in a positive way?- I dont overdose on a constant basis in a BPD-fueled rage any more so thats good 100. How many hours have you spend on tumblr today?- probably 1 or 2?

[dearshixuns]

hi hi!!!!!!! im always happy to see you pop up in my notifs too! uwo, but tbh it can also be pretty isolating when you grow up with your (just) younger sibling being more visibly autistic and a lot more disruptive and therefore always being swept under the rug until you're too old to get a diagnosis, then said sibling says you're not autistic cause you're not diagnosed... brothers Suck -lollie

hi!! you’re the best anon a tumbles user could ask for.

and omg yes i know, i feel your pain there. i am very sorry that you’re not getting the full recognition/accommodations & attention that you need. it can be incredibly frustrating to have others around you not take into account that you’re autistic nd have unique needs (and also that not all autistic people will act the same. everyone is different! i feel like there is especially this attitude by allistic people that “autistic people are like x and y character & i won’t accept anything else nd will relentlessly deny/reject anyone who doesn’t fit into this extremely specific narrative.” it’s so frustrating!) it does completely suck when a sibling is the only one being recognized and therefore not as much attention is given to you. it can be especially hard to get an autism diagnosis, for a variety of reasons: age is a really big reason for this. i’ve also encountered how many parents/teachers/adults will try to rationalize/sweep things under the rug if said autistic child is not as ~disruptive: it’s an out of sight, out of mind kinda thing. i was very quiet (for the most part, i did have terrible meltdowns and still do, to an extent) and with a special interest in reading/writing that helped me get good/decent grades in school. therefore, i never really popped up on adults radar that much because they figured, well they are an odd little duckling and have all of these troubles, but at least it’s not affecting me or the class. it’s a sad reality that i’ve come to know well :( i encounter a similar situation as yours with my older brother: he used to be the “good one” and over-achiever and i the odd outcast, so attention was given to him for being a model kid/student and i heard often “why can’t you be like him,” etc. which felt awful! and now that he is going through his own respective problems and i have been achieving more (by getting a good career and working tremendously on my mental health) i feel swept aside all over again as they go to his aid. it’s a tough situation! and brothers can really suck.

i just rly wanna assure you, esp because you are such a lovely person, that your autistic identity is a part of you and it is one that no one can take away from you or deny. you know yourself better than anyone else and just bc your needs and unique details differ from others, it doesn’t make you any less autistic. i’m very sorry you can’t find that validation and accommodation within your family but the autistic community as a whole is very accepting and supportive place & if you ever need to talk abt these sorts of things, my ask/msgs are always open! thank you for messaging me again, lollie, i am v happy to hear from you!!