#Like it’s — he’s?? It’s in the same vein of an abusive parent going ‘well I did better than My parents did’ because he definitely | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

one-flower-one-sword · 1 year ago

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"Mu Qing spat out a mouthful of blood and grimaced like he'd been stabbed where it hurt. He replied, spiteful slowly, "Thank goodness I kicked you out. If we'd kept you in the army and let you get closer to His Highness, were you going to watch him all day with your mind full of unspeakable filth? Disgusting!"

Xie Lian's heart squeezed violently. Hua Cheng had his fist raised at first, but it froze in midair when Mu Qing spat the word "disgusting." Veins bulged on the back of his pale hand. The fingers clenched and loosened, loosened then clenched.

A long moment later, Hua Cheng said icily, "For now, I won't argue with you on that point. [...]"

TGCF Volume 6, page 66

Hua Cheng's reaction here is really interesting - and gets more heartbreaking the more you think about it. I think to understand it, we need to take a look at his distorted self-image and his extreme self-blame whenever he feels he's failed Xie Lian in some way. While doing this, I think it's important to keep in mind that we're looking at these things as separate from Hua Cheng's very real - and very earned! - confidence in his knowledge, abilities, and strength. He knows exactly what he can and can't do and has no problems stating those things as facts. That "aggressive, rebellious confidence" as Xie Lian describes it is a defining part of Hua Cheng's personality and who he is as a person, that is then juxtaposed by a surprising fragility in other matters.

Right when we meet Hua Cheng at just ten years old, he's already been abused for so long and so severely that it's made him actively suicidal. He's also already internalized that his right eye is ugly, evidenced by the way that he keeps covering it with his hands when the bandages are removed after he was beaten and dragged through the streets by Qi Rong and his lackeys:

After a pause, Xie Lian smiled softly. "The doctors will see to your wounds now. Don't be afraid and lower your hands, okay?" The child heard but hesitantly shook his head.

"Why not?" Xie Lian asked.

He was silent for a long time before replying, "Ugly."

TGCF Volume 2, page 349

The right side of his face also appears to receive the most abuse when he gets beaten, as Xie Lian realizes when he sees him again a few years later and his bandages come loose after being attacked by a group of other kids:

During that scuffle, the bandages on the boy's head had been partially yanked off, giving a peek on the other half of his face. It was quite swollen, covered in black and blue bruises. It was obvious that these injuries hadn't been caused by the brawl just now. TGCF Volume 3, page 56

It can be deduced that he probably learned very early in his life that if people see his eye, he gets beaten. It seems to be known around the area that he frequently gets beaten up and kicked out by his family, to a point where even kids from wealthier families know about him and refer to him as apparently everyone else does - the "ugly freak":

"Wow, wow, the ugly freak got kicked out again!" Although these kids were all around the same age as the boy in the shrine, every single one of them was taller than him and looked like their parents fed them well. There was probably a holiday coming up, since they were all dressed in new clothes and shoes. [...] "Hey, ugly freak, are you sleeping at the shrine again tonight? Watch out, your mom is gonna beat the crap outta you when you get home!"

TGCF Volume 3, pages 54-55

This post is going to get quite long, so I'm putting the rest under a read more.

Hua Cheng seems to internalize this view of himself as something ugly and revolting to a point where even hundreds of years later, he's wary about showing Xie Lian his true form. At the same time, he seems to long deeply for Xie Lian to see and accept the real him, so he tries to test the waters when Xie Lian asks the "young master" on the ox cart what Hua Cheng looks like :

The youth laughed. "Who knows? But he's blind in one eye." He pointed to his right eye. "This one."

That was nothing outrageous. Xie Lian recalled one of the many backstory versions where Hua Cheng wore a black eyepatch to hide that missing eye and asked, "Do you know what happened to that eye?"

"That's a question everyone wants the answer to," the youth replied. Others asked because they wanted to know what Hua Cheng's weakness was, but Xie Lian asked purely out of curiosity. He didn't say anything, and the youth continued, "He dug it out himself."

TGCF Volume 1, page 175

And then again after they're back from Banyue:

Hua Cheng didn't turn around but continued to stare at the dilapidated ceiling of the shrine, and Xie Lian could only see this handsome young man's left profile. Hua Cheng said softly, "If I was ugly."

"Huh?" Xie Lian gaped.

Hua Cheng finally turned his head slightly. "If my true appearance is ugly, would you still want to see it?"

Xie Lian was taken aback. "Is it? Although there's no real reason, I never thought your true appearance would be too horrible-looking."

"Who knows?" Hua Cheng said, half-jokingly. "What if I'm discolored, disfigured, ugly, monstrous, and horrible. What will you do?"

At first, Xie Lian thought this line of inquiry was rather fascinating. So the overlord of the Ghost Realm, the one called the devil incarnate and feared by all in the heavens, would care about his looks? But when he thought about it deeply, he didn't think it was very funny anymore. He vaguely recalled, in one of the many rumored backstories of Hua Cheng, one said that he was a disfigured child from birth, or something along those lines. If that was true, then he must've grown up discriminated against by others. Maybe that was why he was particularly sensitive about his appearance.

TGCF Volume 1, pages 369-370

This quote is really long but I wanted to include all of it because Xie Lian's realization here is very important - Hua Cheng's issues don't stem from vanity but from being othered and subsequently abused because of his unusual red right eye. The society they're in shows many instances of ableism, racism, xenophobia and classism, where any attempted change to the status quo as well as anything that goes against "the norm" is regarded with instant suspicion and rejection - as Pei Ming puts it once, "Where there is abnormality, there is evil."

When he finally does show Xie Lian his true form, Hua Cheng is anxious about it up until Xie Lian remarks that it doesn't look bad:

Xie Lian examined him as he followed, smiling. "So, this is your real appearance." Hua Cheng paused slightly in his step. Maybe it was his imagination, but Hua Cheng's shoulders seemed to stiffen for a flash of a second. The moment didn't last, and Hua Cheng responded naturally. "I did say that the next time we met, I would greet you with my real appearance."

Xie Lian grinned and said earnestly, "Not bad." Xie Lian's tone wasn't teasing or consoling, the words were simply said. Hua Cheng gave a small smile back, and this time, it was genuinely relaxed.

TGCF Volume 2, page 103

Xie Lian's acceptance of his true form seems to have reassured Hua Cheng enough that he appears in it a lot more regularly after that, though it's always with the place where his right eye used to be carefully covered. He's also still too afraid to tell Xie Lian about their shared past and who he really is, and even more afraid to confess his feelings because he fears that then Xie Lian will no longer look at him with acceptance and instead see Hua Cheng as this:

He pointed at a little blood-red person on the wall. Right next to it, there were a bunch of messy, twisted, indiscernible characters - it looked like they had been written in a state of delirium or scrawled to vent the author's feeling during a period of extreme suffering. Based on those characters, Xie Lian could guess that the little blood-red person painted there was Hua Cheng himself, but for some unknown reason he had depicted himself as extremely ugly and disfigured.

[...] There was an ugly little blood-red figure at the bottom of the mural. It cupped a small flower in its hands, which it was offering to the statue.

TGCF Volume 6, pages 52-55

Hua Cheng having internalized this distorted "ugly freak" image of himself isn't the only thing tripping him up though. Every time he can't prevent Xie Lian from getting hurt or can't help him, Hua Cheng takes it as a personal failure on his part and immediately seeks to punish himself. Be that by lashing out at Eming, which is essentially an extension of himself:

Xie Lian stroked Eming. "Fangxin is still better suited." Fangxin remained motionless. Eming had tried so enthusiastically to offer itself up but was so blatantly rejected. It hopped back to Hua Cheng's side, weeping. Hua Cheng didn't spare it a single look before he smacked it with a backhand slap. "What are you crying about? This happened because you're useless! Trash!"

TGCF Volume 5, page 120

Or denying himself to touch Xie Lian, like after Xie Lian got accidentally hurt by Eming (an especially cruel punishment given that Hua Cheng had longed for Xie Lian for hundreds of years):

Hua Cheng, however, let go of his hand. "Don't mind them," he said to Xie Lian. "Come with me." His voice was low, the emotion behind it hard to discern. Yet the way he let go of Xie Lian's wrist was swift, almost like he'd been shaken off.

TGCF Volume 2, page 192

Repeatedly witnessing Xie Lian be brutalized and violated while he didn't yet have the power to stop it from happening traumatized Hua Cheng deeply and left him with a wrathful anger that he wields not only against those who wronged Xie Lian but also against himself for any and all perceived failures.

Now, what does all of this have to do with the quote that started it all? In it, Mu Qing accuses Hua Cheng that if they'd have kept him in the army, he would have kept watching Xie Lian "with his mind full of unspeakable filth! Disgusting!" (the fact that he describes a man having romantic feelings and sexual desires for another man in such a way comes off as extremely homophobic of course but that's not the topic of this post)

Hua Cheng, who hates Mu Qing deeply and with good reason, then not only stops his assault but actually goes on to say that he won't argue with him on that point for now. His inner conflict shows in the repeated clenching and loosening of the fingers in his fist - he's extremely angry and would usually never agree with Mu Qing, yet finds himself unable to deny his words. It's noticeable also that it's the "disgusting" that makes him freeze up.

So why would Hua Cheng, someone usually so confident and so unapologetically himself, concede this point to Mu Qing, someone he hates and who's just been viciously insulting him? I would argue that there are two possible reasons.

First of, if viewed through the lens of everything we reviewed in this post, Hua Cheng feels like he "can't argue" on this because he does desire Xie Lian and always has - while at the same time knowing that he, an ugly disfigured other that has repeatedly failed at keeping the God he's pledged his existence to safe from harm, could never be good enough to deserve being with said God like that.

Second of all, as I analyzed in my previous post, Hua Cheng's reaction to Xie Lian having seen the statues and murals is profound fear and heartbreak because he's so sure Xie Lian must now be scared of and disgusted by him. At this point in the story, Hua Cheng is still utterly convinced that his feelings aren't requited, which is something he can deal with. But what he can't bear is the prospect of his feelings, his very devotion, causing Xie Lian pain. Failing to keep Xie Lian safe from being harmed by others is bad enough, but hurting Xie Lian himself? Unforgivable. His fear that his desire for Xie Lian will be upsetting to him is so strong that even after the confession scene, his immediate reaction to Xie Lian even just mentioning the murals is "I'll go destroy them" (Volume 6, page 88), and he doesn't calm down until Xie Lian reassures them that he only saw a few of them and won't look at the others if Hua Cheng doesn't want him to.

#tgcf #rereading tgcf #hualian #hua cheng #i almost didn't post this despite how much work it was #because i kept second-guessing myself and overthinking everything #so now I'm just gonna throw it out there and hope for the best haha

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veronicaphoenix · 4 months ago

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zutto — chapter six | wc: 2.7k | series masterpost | prev. chapter

Chapter summary: Lia and Noah go out for brunch and Noah tries to convince her to cancel the tour in Japan.

Tags and trigger warnings: fluff, fluff, fluff, noah and lia go shopping, noah and lia visit a sex shop, implied interest in bondage, mentions of previous sexual activity, mentions of lia being tied up, brief mention of parents' neglect and japanese folklore (noah being ill with a flower-coughing disease).

General trigger warnings: this work addresses and depicts issues related to addiction, abuse, & violence, contains explicit sexual content, and explores themes of childhood trauma. Reader discretion is advised. +18

Author's note: This chapter was supposed to be around 10k words, but it felt too long so I split it. Chapter 7 will be up this weekend with the remaining 7k words 🤭

There is a quote in this chapter that belongs to the poetry book Questions for Ada written by Ijeoma Umebinyuo. It's marked with an *

Sunlight was streaming brightly through the curtains by the time Lia awoke, indicating that it must be late.

Getting used to the golden light that flooded the room, she brushed aside the long strands of hair that had fallen across her face. Noah’s shoulder and bicep were almost pressed against her, his head resting higher on the pillow and tilted toward her, as though he didn’t want to stop breathing on her. She couldn’t remember when she had fallen asleep—whether it had been on Noah’s chest or just clutching the pillow under her head after he’d given her another orgasm positioned behind her. She did remember him cleaning her up and her mind feeling all fuzzy and cotton-like.

She hadn’t slept this well in a long time.

Smiling at the sight of him, she decided to spend the rest of the time while Noah was still asleep just watching him. At least, that’s what she intended—until her fingers couldn’t resist wandering over to him.

Noah lips were half-open, revealing a tiny bit of those bunny teeth she adored so much. His cheeks were flushed, and his hair was disheveled. Beneath the sheets, both of them were naked, their scents lingering in the fabric, though the heavy scent of sex was more prominent.

Lia brushed aside a lock of Noah’s hair that threatened to fall over his eyes, and a memory from her teenage years suddenly flooded back. It was one of those weekends when Cristina had abandoned her, leaving her alone. Hana had obviously let Lia stay over, but against her orders, Lia had sneaked into Noah’s room after midnight instead of sleeping in the guest room. Back then, Noah slept like a log. At seventeen, his passion for music already coursed through his veins relentlessly, and many nights were spent working, only remembering to sleep when he couldn’t keep his eyes open any longer. The nights he spent with Lia were no different—they would stay up watching movies or talking. That particular night, she had fallen asleep first, but woke up earlier, and took a quiet moment to brush his hair while he slept, softly snoring.

Now, eleven years later, the scene felt almost surreal, like a replay of the past. Lia was sure he had the same peaceful expression, the same boyish features. Even in sleep, he looked like a child, lost in his dreams. The urge to protect him was as strong as ever, just as he had done for her all these years. It felt like the least she could do—besides loving him.

Noah’s chest rose as Lia made a futile attempt to tuck the lock of hair behind his ear. He stirred, and two more strands slipped down to join the first, falling across his eyes and making him blink awake.

The moment he saw her wide eyes looking up at him, paired with that smile that always seemed to cure his every ill, he couldn’t help but smile back. He felt fucking happy to wake up next to the girl he loved—especially with her naked under the sheets.

“Good morning,” he murmured.

“Morning,” she replied, trying to ignore the tingling in her toes and the warmth spreading through her body at the sound of Noah’s deep, sleepy voice. His eyes, with their distinct Asian shape, looked even more beautiful in the morning—smaller, almost like thin slits.

“You look wide awake. How long have you been staring at me?” he asked, his playful arrogance showing the familiar self-assuredness that Lia was all too familiar with.

She scoffed, rolling her eyes. “You’ve got some nerve,” she shot back, equally accustomed to his confident, slightly egotistical humor.

With a burst of energy, he grabbed Lia by the waist and tried to tickle her. She squealed, rolling onto her side, giggling, until they lay chest to chest, both facing each other on the bed.

“No more than ten minutes,” Lia said, catching her breath as his warm brown eyes twinkled. “How did you sleep?”

“I had this dream...,” he started, “where I had sex with my favorite girl on the couch, and then in this very bed...”

Oh, he loved seeing her blush and smile like that at his words. He pulled her tighter against him, brushing the hollow between her neck and shoulder with his lips.

“I haven’t slept this well in a long time,” Noah added, “even though I was awake around seven.”

“Seven o’clock?”

“Yeah, I guess it’s routine. I went to the bathroom, grabbed some water, and then… well, I spent some time looking at you until I fell asleep again.”

“How long were you watching me?”

“Oh, you’ve got some nerve,” he echoed her earlier words with a grin, dropping onto his back and pulling Lia with him. She landed on top of him as he continued, his tone calm and tender. “I didn’t plan on going back to sleep, but you looked so peaceful. I didn’t want to leave or wake you, so I just watched for a while. Are you okay?”

Lia, now resting her chin in her hands on his chest, nodded.

“I’m a little sore, but it’ll pass.”

Noah sighed, content, engrossed in holding Lia like this, in his arms.

Lia reached up to his chin and gave him a ghost kiss where his stubble was starting to grow.

“I’m sorry I was in the way of us,” she whispered.

“You were scared, and you had every reason to be. But that’s all behind us now. We have our whole lives ahead of us, Lia. And believe me, I don’t plan on wasting a single second of it. I just need you to be honest with me. You know I’ll never hurt you. But if I have to get angry, I will. I’m not letting you walk away from me again.”

She climbed on top of him, pressing her chest and stomach to his, and touched his cheeks.

“I love you.”

“That sounds wonderful. Say it again.”

“I love you.”

Noah kissed her, long and hard.

After a while, when they bothered to look at their phones to check the time, they realized it was already past eleven.

“I guess we missed breakfast. How about I take you out for brunch?” Noah suggested, his hands resting on her hips, savoring the weight of her body against his.

“Sounds great.”

“And we can talk about Japan.”

Lia’s eyes widened instantly.

“Yes, please.”

“I’m not going to be able to convince you to stay here, am I?”

“Nope. There’s nothing you can do,” she concluded.

“Nothing?” he insisted.

“Nothing. Don’t even try using sex as leverage. I want to go to Japan. I want to go back to work. I’m feeling fine. I’ll be with you and with the crew.”

“Stubborn since you were six...” he sighed. “All right. Let’s go take a shower and get some air. Looks like the storm has passed.”

After showering and getting dressed, Noah and Lia headed out to Santa Monica Place, looking for a restaurant that served a healthy and affordable brunch.

Once seated, they browsed the menu, deciding on an avocado bagel with poached eggs for Lia and a bacon-loaded toast with eggs for Noah. As they waited for their food, Noah’s phone buzzed with a call from Matt. It was well-timed, since if they decided the Japan tour was still on, Matt would need to come by that afternoon to catch Noah and Lia up on the logistics.

Ten minutes later, their food arrived, along with a strawberry smoothie for Lia and a green one for Noah.

“I know I just told Matt to meet us this afternoon to talk about the tour,” Noah began, cutting into his toast. “And I know you said there’s no convincing you, but I’m going to try anyway. I’d rather postpone it, stay home a little longer, and give you more time to recover. It feels rushed to put you on a plane and keep you away from home for a month and a half right now.”

“You’re being overprotective,” Lia replied with a smile, “and I love that, but I need to work. Staying home won’t help me. As lovely as the last few days have been, I’m sure you’re starting to get tired of being cooped up at home with me, too. We haven’t gone out except for groceries and therapy appointments. You haven’t been to the gym, or out for a run, and you’ve ignored most of your work calls.”

“I was focused on what matters to me,” Noah replied, his voice quiet but firm.

Lia reached out, taking his hand. “You’ve always been good at looking out for me while managing everything else.”

“That’s not true,” Noah said, his tone darkening. “If that were the case, Mitch wouldn’t have touched you.”

A heavy silence fell between them.

“I’m sorry,” he quickly added, regret filling his eyes. “You’re still not comfortable talking about it. I shouldn’t have brought it up.”

“Maybe I never will be,” Lia said, her voice steady but raw. “But that doesn’t mean I’m going to let him control my life. I’d rather not hear his name now, but one day, I won’t care.”

“I’m proud of you, Lia. For everything you’ve accomplished on your own. You built a life for yourself from nothing.”

“It wouldn’t have been so easy without a best friend who picked me up every time I fell.”

“I just offered my hand. It was always you who chose to take it.”

The weight of Noah’s words lingered in the air. Lia felt the echoes of her past ripple through her—the weight she had carried for so long, the trauma she had inherited from her mother, the silent strength she’d summoned to survive. She thought of all the daughters like her—those who had to raise themselves, who had learned to build their own light in the darkness.

Bless them; those girls who, despite the odds, managed to build themselves a future from the fragments of their past. Bless those daughters who sat carrying the trauma of mothers. Who sat asking for more love and not getting any, who carried themselves to light. Bless the daughters who raised themselves. *

Lia stroked the back of Noah’s hand with her thumb. With a sigh, she returned to her plate, taking a bite as they both sat in a shared, contemplative silence.

“As I was saying, we can’t keep this routine up much longer,” she said. “You’re going to start climbing the walls and...”

“No. I can go back to work but without having to travel. We cancel the tour and focus on the new album,” Noah countered.

Lia shot him a tired look.

“The only thing you’ll do if you cancel the tour is keep getting distracted—because of me.”

“What about your plants?” Noah shot back. “What if they don’t survive while we’re in Japan?”

“I’ll ask Emery to come water them every now and then,” Lia replied, unfazed.

“And what if you get overwhelmed with work?”

“Work has never overwhelmed me. In fact, if I don’t start sketching something soon, I’m going to go mad. Stop finding excuses, Noah. Canceling an entire overseas tour because of me would be worse. Imagine the guilt I’d be carrying around.”

Noah hesitated. She was right.

“Besides,” Lia added, “we haven’t seen Grandma in over a year.”

“Grandma said the other day that your health was more important. The trip could wait.”

“I’m well enough to travel, Noah. Or didn’t you notice that last night?”

Noah blinked. “Are you comparing sex to a trip to Japan?”

She shrugged casually. “You compared it to your performance on stage.”

For a second, Noah didn’t know whether to raise his eyebrows or burst out laughing. The girl was impossible.

“Is this how it’s going to be?” he asked, half amused. “You getting me to do whatever you want because you know I can’t say no to you?”

Lia smiled and gave a playful shrug. “Maybe you need to set some boundaries, then.”

Noah shook his head, defeated but grinning.

“Well, at least the trip will help Grandma clear up all those mysteries she’s been holding onto for months.”

“What mysteries? About your flower-coughing fits?” Lia asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Exactly. Didn’t she talk cryptically the last few times you spoke to her? She had me in stitches.”

“About her theory that it had something to do with me?” Lia sighed. “No. I changed the subject every time she brought it up. I think she got the hint that I didn’t want to discuss it—and definitely didn’t like her linking me to you in that way.”

“That’s strange.”

“What is, exactly?”

“That out of everyone around us, Grandma was the only one who didn’t hammer us with comments about getting together. Together this way, I mean.”

“Whatever’s been going through her head all these years,” Lia said thoughtfully, “I plan to get it out of her the minute we step into her house at the end of the tour.”

The outing was intended as a distraction and a small boost for Lia’s mental health, with plans to do some light shopping after filling their stomachs.

They wandered through a few stores, starting with one that offered items they might need for their upcoming trip. Next, they visited a flower shop where Lia carefully selected seeds to plant at home, hoping they would blossom in her absence and greet her with vibrant blooms upon her return, and a special set of seeds to spill in Grandma’s little garden in her house in Japan. Their final stop was a stationery store, where Lia restocked her supplies. She grabbed some high-quality paper and a couple of her favorite mechanical pencils, a couple of sketchbooks of different size, a set of fine-tipped markers, and a travel-sized watercolor kit, knowing these would be perfect for capturing inspiration on the go.

As they left the stationery store, Lia glanced at their shopping bags, wondering if they had everything they needed. Her mind buzzed with ideas that she desperately needed to either voice or transfer to paper, but before she could share them with Noah, he casually mentioned, “We’re still missing condoms.”

Lia lifted her eyes to him only to find him motioning towards a sex shop located between a Zara and a Hollister Co. She followed him, feeling a strange comfort in the idea of buying condoms with him.

Inside, Noah’s initial confidence wavered as he looked around the adult store, but Lia seemed more at ease. She browsed through the various options with a calm curiosity, which made Noah’s unease more pronounced.

After a couple of minutes, he picked up a box of size L condoms to examine. With a bemused look, Lia took the box from his hand and replaced it with a medium size, her expression clearly saying, “seriously, Noah?”

Now holding two boxes of medium condoms, Noah continued to explore the options, engrossed in comparing brands and types. He studied the packaging and ingredients, curious for the first time, lost in thought, and didn’t immediately notice when Lia wandered off. When he finally did, he assumed she was simply exploring the store’s offerings. Raising his voice slightly, he called out, “Hey, I’m heading to the checkout!”

He paid for their items, swiping his card before glancing around for Lia to let her know it was time to leave. His eyes froze as he spotted her standing in front of a section dedicated to ropes, where various types hung from a bar, inviting examination. Lia’s hands delicately held a velvety red rope, her fingers gliding over its soft texture as if savoring the sensation.

Noah watched her; the way she studied the rope, her brows slightly furrowed in contemplation… The velvety material slipped smoothly through her fingers. And suddenly he was imagining her naked on his bed, wrapped in that soft rope.

Swallowing hard, he called out her name.

She turned around quickly, the rope slipping from her grasp and landing softly on the display. Noah gestured toward the exit with a slight nod. Lia, with a hint of color blooming on her cheeks, hurried after him.

As they walked out of the store and made their way back to Noah’s car, Lia glanced down at their intertwined fingers. Noah would occasionally tighten his grip around her, relishing in the sensation of how perfect her hand fit in his.

A smile tugged at Lia’s lips.

— prev. chapter | chapter seven

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#noah sebastian #lia x noah #noah x lia #the inevitability of love at second sight #noah sebastian fanfiction #noah sebastian x ofc #bad omens fanfiction #noah sebastian fic

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begrudging-fudanshi · 1 month ago

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Do you think Sakura will go back to the old town in certain arc ?

Assuming you mean wherever his guardians live(d), I hope not tbh. Wind Breaker is a very local story for its genre—as far as I can tell, everything important happens within walking distance of Furin—so I kinda prefer it to stay in Makochi as much as possible. (I have a thing I'm writing about this that I'll post at some point.) Based on what we know, I also don't really see what Sakura has to gain from going back.

If anything happens in this vein, I would actually prefer for Sakura's past to catch up with him in Makochi. Having some old enemy appear and threaten him would be a great way to show how far he's come, as well as to catalyze his progress towards seeing worth in himself.

I started sketching an example of how I might like that kind of arc to go and it kinda turned out a lot longer than I expected, so here's... uh... actually, I don't entirely know what this is. It's like a short fanfic mashed up with the meta I'd write about these moments if they were canon. Speculative meta? Metafic? Just a weird fanfic? idk 🤷‍♂️

Anyway, not saying this will/should be canon or anything, but it feels like it gets the gist of what I'd look for in this kind of arc.

(CW: abusive parents. Sakura's dad is the villain here.)

---

When Sakura was young, his dad was a petty criminal, street thug, and an all-around horrible father. When Sakura was 7 or 8, the man was arrested and sentenced to prison. Sakura's mom wasn't in the picture, so Sakura had to go live with relatives (leading to the scenario I've described previously), and afterward he hardly ever saw his dad—their only contact was when the man came to demand money from his relatives for this or that. As far as Sakura was concerned, once he moved to Makochi, his father was out of his life for good.

One day, however, Sakura's dad appears in Makochi, searching for him. He's somehow learned that Sakura has become a strong fighter in a town full of violent gangs, so he's decided that he's going to take advantage of Sakura to build a nice life for himself on the back of his son's hard work. Thus, he comes to Makochi expecting to walk all over Sakura and get whatever he wants.

When Sakura first sees his dad on Tonpu Market Street, he freezes, caught off guard by painful memories that he's desperately tried to forget. Even though he's come a long way, it's difficult to fully let go of the past.

Suo and Nirei are with him and can tell that he's terrified. Sakura mutters to them that this is his father, but he doesn't sound remotely happy to see him. The man tells them to go away, but they stand their ground, refusing to leave Sakura alone. This pisses the man off, so he attacks, intending to teach them a lesson.

Sakura's dad is caught off guard by Suo and even Nirei's strength, but the same goes in reverse as he decides to go all out. As Sakura sees his friends struggling, he jumps into the fight, punching his dad in the face (big symbolic moment!). The trio just barely manage to hold their ground until other Bofurin members start to show up. As their backup arrives, the man finally retreats, but before he goes, he declares that he's going to get revenge. He says that Sakura has forgotten his place and he's going to remind him what his life is really supposed to be like—he'll take away everything Sakura has and show him just what he really deserves.

What follows is a campaign of revenge, carefully calculated to destroy Sakura's life and take everything he has. (A campaign that I'm not going to detail right now, because my ideas for it are depressing and beside the point.)

Let's skip ahead a bit...

Somehow all of the threats are resolved, leaving only the matter of fighting Sakura's dad and kicking his ass hard enough that he'll give up.

Just before the big, climactic fight, Sakura gets ready to face his father one-on-one, trying to stay calm and steady himself. He's caught off guard when his friends jump in front of him and tell him to let them handle the fight.

"Get out of the way!" Sakura yells at them, his voice breaking. "He's... he's my dad. This is my fight. I have to deal with this." The most important word is the one he doesn't even think to say out loud: he has to deal with this alone.

Even with so many people around him showing him that he's loved, Sakura still ultimately believes that he's all by himself. Even though he's tried to rely on his friends to prove that he trusts them, in moments like this when he feels most vulnerable, his default instinct is still to shoulder the burden alone.

His friends can all see this clearly. More importantly, they can see that this is a battle that Sakura shouldn't have to fight on his own—or at all. He deserves to have someone stick up for him, just like he's stuck up for so many others. But they know he doesn't want to hear that, so they tell him off, instead.

"Your fight? To hell with that. We all owe this guy some payback for what he's done."

"C'mon, Sakura, let us have some glory for once. It makes us feel bad when you keep hogging all the action."

"We already know how strong you are—let us show you how much stronger we've gotten, too!"

"Plus, the way this guy treats you makes us really want to kick his ass. Don't tell us you're gonna rob us of that satisfaction."

Sakura sputters in confusion, not sure how to respond. His deepest reflexes are telling him to stop them before it's too late, because this is how he's always believed he would finally lose everything. If he can't fight, if he can't prove his worth through his strength, then what is he worth at all?

This leads to a cool symbolic moment: Sakura is standing there, watching all his friends walk away from him while making it clear they expect him to stay behind. In other words, he's seeing the scene that's haunted him for so long finally playing out in real life. How many times has he pictured this and felt sick with terror and dread?

In his heart, he always knew this day would come. The day when his friends finally saw through him—finally realized who he really was and what he was really worth—and unanimously turned their backs. That would be the day he finally woke up from this dream and found himself back in his old, real life. The life he was always meant to live. Hated by all others, worth nothing but his fists, and totally, utterly alone.

Except, in reality, this scene isn't anything like he imagined it at all. His friends aren't turning their backs on him because they're abandoning him. Instead, they've turned to fight for him, to protect him, just as he's fought and protected them. Not only that, they're doing it willingly—eagerly, even—with smiles on their faces. There's no hint of condemnation, no suggestion that they're doing this because they think he's weak. They just want to help him, in spite of his belief this is his battle to fight alone.

In chapter 138, Sakura says something very telling to himself: "If I lose now, then they—then I'll lose the place where they belong, the one place that they cherish and love. I don't want that. [...] I need to win and protect them. That's all that matters." He draws these lines so clearly between himself and his friends, placing himself on the outside looking in. Now, however, that moment comes full circle with the roles reversed, making the truth so clear that he can't deny it.

As his friends stride forward, Sakura suddenly realizes, in a way that he can't yet put to words, where he really is: He's not on the outside looking in at his friends in the place that they love. Instead, as they spread out before him to form a defensive line, he is standing firmly in that very place that they all want to protect. If they're defending him like this, then they're saying that he belongs in this place, too—and if that's the case, then he, too, is someone they cherish and love.

This realization cuts deep—even deeper than words, cutting into feelings that he's held for so long that he's never even thought to try to name them. It cuts deep enough to finally undermine and start to shake his most fundamental belief. He can no longer deny that his friends accept him and love him for more than just his ability to fight. Why else would they be lining up to fight for him like this?

More than that, he can no longer deny that what they see in him must somehow be real. Until now, he's always unconsciously dismissed his friends' most meaningful praise and kindness as simply wrong. Even if they thought they meant it, he just didn't see how it could be true. When Umemiya smiled at him and called him amazing (chapter 162), Sakura had felt like Umemiya was looking at a completely different person, like he'd made some mistake and confused him with somebody else. He could believe that Umemiya meant it, but not that it truly applied to him. In the same way, he viewed all their kindness and love with that deep distrust. But here, he can't bring himself to doubt all his friends at once. They're all too determined for this to be some kind of mistake or mass delusion.

In the end, Sakura's friends work together to stop his dad, thoroughly kick his ass, and send him packing. As usual for this series, that's enough to stop the threat for good.

Afterward, Sakura probably cries and undergoes a fundamental change in how he sees himself and his place in the world. It's not like all his past trauma is magically fixed or his low self-esteem instantly gets better overnight, but he's made a big step towards seeing worth in himself.

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starlightshadowsworld · 10 months ago

Text

To be burned in light

(While Kouyou's in the Agency's clutches, she and Atsushi have an unexpected talk. Atsushi reveals he understands her situation better than Kouyou realises.

Tw for talking about child abuse.)

Atsushi hesitated, his hand hovering over the doorknob. He should leave, he was done here. Kouyou was doing well, she was updated on the plan with Dazai.

The peace between them was delicate. The whole time Atsushi felt like he was standing on ice. One wrong move and it would crack, sending him falling into the icy depths.

What Atsushi wanted to say would no doubt get him stabbed. He would deserve it too, because he would absolutely be crossing a line.

And yet, at the same time Atsushi felt it needed to be.

"Ozaki"

The Port Mafia Executive sighed, exasperated "what now boy?" She was certain he'd have ran the moment they were finished. The whole time he'd been civil but out of duty.

Much like herself.

Oh sure Kouyou wanted to attack him. But now wasn't the time for that, not when Kyouka's safety was on the line.

The Agency wouldn't take kindly too the weretiger showing up bleeding out. Besides, Dazai was the brains behind this operation and he'd taken the brat under his wing.

He'd always been protective over who he deemed as his people. Not that Kouyou could say much, she was the same.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry." Said Atsushi. Kouyou smiled but it wasn't kind. "Whatever for? Taking my dear Kyouka from me?"

Atsushi held back a wince at at. It wasn't the words themselves, but the tone. Chilling, barely restrained rage that reminded Atsushi all to well of the Headmaster.

Atsushi had his back to her but that didn't mean he couldn't feel her sharp gaze on him. He took a deep breath and braced himself.

"I'm sorry that the light burned you."

The smile on Kouyou's face fell. Whatever she was expecting him to say, it wasn't that. Her mind went blank, she couldn't formulate a response. And even if she could, what do you say to that?

Atsushi took her silence and that he wasn't being stabbed, as a sign go continue.

"I don't know you, I won't pretend that I do. Or that we're anything but maybe allies but..." Atsushi takes a deep breath in "the light won't burn Kyouka."

Anger.

Anger like Kouyou had never felt in her life filled her veins. Her composure shattered.

"You know nothing! How dare you, you drag my Kyouka into this destructive light. And than you have the audacity to say that you can gurrantee her safety."

Atsushi didn't so much as flinch at her words. He turned around to face her. The look in his eyes was not one of fright or fear like Kouyou expected, but sadness.

"Because the light burned me too." His voice was soft but there was a strength to it that hadn't been there before. Kouyou was taken aback, she was still angry but curious.

"I was born into darkness. I'll spare you the details but my parents were awful people. One thing led to another and eventually they threw me out" He chuckled, but there was no humour in it.

"Literally, in a rubbish bag. But someone found me, let me out and took me back to his Orphanage." Atsushi wasn't looking at her.

His gaze was fixed on the wall behind her. But it felt like was looking at a person.

"He was the Headmaster. He gave me clean clothes to wear, a place to sleep. And even took the leftovers they had and cooked me some Chakuze. It was the best meal I ever had."

He shakes his head, a sad smile on his face.

"So I ended up staying, not like I had anywhere to go. And I was in debt to him. I'd be dead without him, so I did whatever he ordered me too like a servant to a king."

Atsushi looks at Kouyou. "You stabbed me when we met." It's not accusatory, there's no anger in it he just states it like a fact. "I did" confirms Kouyou, not sure where he's going with this.

"I stopped bleeding before Kunikida and Kenji showed up. Akutugawa cut off my leg off, it came back in minutes." Said Atsushi.

Kouyou nodded, unable to move her gaze away. It's true she stabbed the boy, anyone else would be left wailing in agony before suffering a slow death.

Even without Kyouka's intrusion. Kouyou was one of the best assassins in the Port Mafia for a reason.

She hadn't known Akutugawa had done that. And here it was, like nothing had ever happened.

The weretiger had an incredible healing factor, so to have scars that were clearly years old seemed impossible.

And yet here they were.

She'd have thought he was lying if she didn't know Akutugawa. Or of she hadn't fought the weretiger prior.

"I was mopping the bathroom, knocked over a bucket of water." Explained Atsushi, letting his shirt roll back into place. "I wasn't referring to a literal burn" Said Kouyou, regaining her composure.

But Atsushi just chuckled.

"Yeah, I know. But I figured it'd get my point across."

His smile fell "the man who saved my life turned into my own personal nightmare. That might be the only scar I have to show for it, but I should have so much more."

Kouyou found herself believing him. People like that never striked once, especially if it began over something so trivial."You're afraid we'll do the same to Kyouka."

Kouyou nodded "it's a fair assumption. Besides, how do I know this isn't all a rouse conjured up by your mentor to win me pity."

Even she knew that wasn't the case, but it was hard to accept this. That this boy on some level understood her, that he was trying to reach an understanding with her.

"No one in the Agency knows about my past." Said Atsushi. Kouyou raised an eyebrow in disbelief but Atsushi just shrugged.

"It's true. They know it was rough. But they don't know the details. It took Dazai so long to believe I got kicked out in the first place."

The kid was practically transparent. He was like an open book. A liar he was not and despite herself Kouyou deemed what he was saying truthful.

"Than why tell your enemy? I could easily use this against you."

Atsushi shook his head, amused "can't be any worse than I use it against myself. And if you do... Well it was for Kyouka anyway so it was worth it."

That suprised her.

Kouyou had noticed, she'd have to be blind not to see that the weretiger had a fondness for Kyouka. Almost like that of an older brother, but how? "Why would you go so far for her? You barely know her."

Because as much as Kouyou wanted to deny it, the lad did care. He had been alight with protective fury, so much so he'd been about to attack her before Dazai stepped in.

All because he deemed her a threat to Kyouka. He hadn't cared that she'd attacked him, only that she could hurt Kyouka. That's where his priorities lied, it was clear as day.

She expected the usual response, that it was because he was of the Armed Detective Agency. That he was on the good and just side that saved lives. But that was not the response she got.

"It sounds dumb but... When I saw her on the train with that bomb strapped to her chest. All I could think, was that she looked scared." He hugged his arms around himself.

"I've always been helpless, too powerless to do anything. No one was ever there to help me, no one wanted too. When I looked at Kyouka, I saw myself." Said Atsushi, a frown on his face as he recalled that fight.

"I didn't want to fight her, I had no choice. We found out the bomb was rigged. Kyouka, she said she didn't want to kill anyone else and jumped out the train. I went after her, destroyed the bomb and we fell into the water."

Kouyou absorbed this, and made several mental notes to have a word with Akutugawa... Because to strap a bomb on her Kyouka and rig it to explode no matter what.... He was going to pay for it.

"I see, I can't say I quite understand your reasonings... But I am glad you were there." Kouyou admitted, Atsushi blinked in suprise but than smiled.

"Of course."

Atsushi's gaze flickered to the wall again before looking at her. "The women who treated your wounds was Doctor Yosano. She once worked under your Boss, back when he was underground doctor."

But she wasn't content to let this end there.

"But you may care for her, reluctant as I am to admit it. But who's to say your fellow Agency members won't shun her away. That they won't do as your Headmaster once did to you."

Kouyou blinked in suprise, she hadn't known that. Though it made sense she supposed. Looking back the doctor was kind but she was quite sadistic for one living in the light.

"We didn't even know Dazai was former Port Mafia up until recently, and frankly no one cares." Said Atsushi with a small fond smile. "... I can't tell if that's endearing or stupid" replied Kouyou.

Somehow his confidence was infectious, because she felt her worry dim.

Atsushi shrugs "and well, the President was a former assassin. And between you and me, his ability might just be adopting strays. He wouldn't turn her away." He said, and it honestly suprised Kouyo to hear the unwavering confidence in his voice as he spoke of his boss.

It was still there, but it was less than before. Kouyou knew Fukuzawa, not personally but she'd heard enough to back that claim from Mori himself.

"Will I be able to see her?"

Atsushi looked at her in suprise and Kouyou scoffed. "You haven't won me over yet brat." But it was clear she was wavering. Atsushi didn't comment on it though.

"That'll be up to her. But I won't stop you, neither will anyone else unless Kyouka declines or you become a threat to her."

That, Kouyou would agree with. It didn't escape her that the weretiger specified if she became became a threat to Kyouka. Both of them knew once she returned to the Port Mafia, this alliance was over.

... But maybe this alliance could last just a little longer.

"Very well, I agree to those terms." Said Kouyou. Atsushi nodded, turning to the door. "We can talk when I get another update, but I've taken up too much of you're time. I should go."

He got up to leave but Kouyou stopped him. "Before you go, what is your name?." Atsushi paused, suprised and turned back to her. "It's Atsushi. Atsushi Nakajima."

Kouyou nodded, committing the name to memory. "Thank you, Nakajima." She waved her hand dismissively and Atsushi bid her goodbye and left.

She'd lied, she had another question but hadn't been prepared to ask. Probably because Kouyou had already figured out the answer.

'Why did he apologise?'

It was because Atsushi had looked at her, and he'd seen himself. His Headmaster had never apologised, the man probably never would. So Atsushi had apologised to her, just incase it helped.

Kouyou chuckled to herself, what a strange boy.

She looked out the window, watching the bright cloudless sky. 'I will take you out there and show you the radiant world.' Was what he'd said.

Before the ex Boss found out. And the very light she'd become entranced by, was the very same light that burned her.

Dazai had told her the same fate would not befall Kyouka. But it wasn't until now that Kouyou believed him.It will be kinder to Kyouka than it ever was to her.

'And I hope it this radiant light will he kind to you, Nakajima.'

(To clarify on Atsushi's past, because there's a lot of headcannons about it.

The only part that's confirmed in canon is the burn scars, but not the cause though it seems linked to punishment involving chores. And that yes Atsushi's parents threw him away in a bin in a rubbish bag.)

#atsushi nakajima #bsd atsushi #ozaki kouyou #bsd kouyou #bsd kyouka #bungou stray dogs #bsd #tw child abuse

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callsign-magnolia · 2 years ago

Text

Undiagnosed // Ch. 3

Mature Content 18+

Jake Seresin x Neurodivergent OC

Summary: Katie Blair grew up trying to be the perfect daughter. She always struggled to be the prim and proper little girl her parents wanted. Big personality as a kid, but now at 25, she's the shy admiral's daughter who just keeps her head down and tries to get through law school. So what happens when she's had enough and with help from a certain Lieutenant, she gets out.

Warnings: Emotional abuse, trauma response, asshole parents, Jake is a jerk to start.

Word Count: 7.0k

Chapter 2 | Masterlist

I made my way into the rec room where of course, Lieutenant Seresin and Coop were there, as well as Bradley and Natasha. I completely ignored them as I made my way over to my usual table. I have got to ask my dad if I can study somewhere more secluded. I sat down, pulling out my stuff and getting to work. I felt eyes on me and looked up to find Natasha and Coop both looking at me while Bradley and Lieutenant Seresin were having a conversation. Natasha offered me a smile and I gave her a small one back before turning my head back to my work. They all continued their conversation as I worked through my essay. I was so concentrated on my work, I completely missed someone else coming into the room. “Miss Blair?” I looked up, seeing the Lieutenant from earlier standing in front of me. “Yes?” I asked confusedly. “Admiral Blair wants to see you in his office.” Fear clenched my heart. Did Dr. Nieman call him? I nodded and stood. “Okay. Thank you.” I went to walk out of the room as he followed closely behind. “Um, you don’t have to follow me.” I said and he shook his head. “Admiral Blair instructed me to escort you to his office. I am more scared now than I was before. I stared at him for a moment before he motioned me ahead. I walked ahead to dad’s office. It felt like the hallways were getting longer and longer.

When we finally arrived, the Lieutenant knocked on the door, opening it when there was a grunt on the other side. I stepped through, seeing my dad in his desk chair, staring out his window, clenching his fist. “Lieutenant. Leave us.” My hands trembled as the Lieutenant left and fear ran in my veins. After yesterday I didn’t want to be alone with him. He terrified me. “You know, you’ve never been the perfect daughter.” Tears sprung to my eyes at his words. “But running out of class is unacceptable.” I hung my head out of habit, not wanting to see the look on his face. “LOOK AT ME!” I jumped as he banged his fist on his desk. I looked up to see him staring at me. “I have put you through school. I have fed you, clothed you, given you a nice home. But the thanks I get is you running out of class, not only embarrassing yourself, but the whole family!” I held my breath and willed the tears away. “We have a reputation to uphold! And it will not be tarnished because you got your feelings hurt! Do you understand me?” I nodded quickly. “Use your words.” “Yes, sir.” I squeaked out. “But that’s not why I called you in here.” I furrowed my brows in confusion. “Word travels fast on a naval base, I want you to remember that.” He said menacingly as he stepped around his desk as I still looked at him in confusion.

“So tell me why, you thought it would be a good idea to go sleeping around with my men?” His voice was low, and almost a growl. “What?!” My hands shook as they ran through my roots. “I-I did-“ He held up his hand, which was trembling. “Stop talking.” I bit my lip, tears streaming down my cheeks. “I swear I didn’t sleep with anyone! You have to believe me!” “SHUT UP!” I jumped back as his voice boomed around the room. “You will not go around spreading your legs and seducing my men!” I shook my head as I clenched my hands to my chest. “Dad, you have to believe me!” I sobbed, startled as his hand connected with the same cheek as yesterday. My glasses flew across the room, and I reached out trying to find them when my dad crouched down, wrapping his fingers around my neck and forcing me to face him. “You stay away from my men, especially Lieutenant Cooper and Lieutenant Seresin since they seem to be your favorites.” I shook my head in his grip as I cried. “I didn’t! I swear!” He tightened his grip on me. “DON’T LIE TO ME!” He yelled. “NO DAUGHTER OF MINE WILL BE A WHORE!” He said as he shoved me to the floor. I cried there on his office floor as he went and sat back in his office chair. I attempted to catch my breath, slowing my cries before sitting up and grabbing my glasses. Once I slid them on, I could make out the angry look on his face as he stared at me. “Get the fuck out of my office!” I turned and grabbed the door handle, swinging it open and running out.

I rushed to the bathroom down the hall, closing and locking the door so I could cry in peace. Who the fuck would tell him I was sleeping with anyone on base? I haven’t had sex in almost two years and definitely not with anyone in the navy. That must have been what that Lieutenant had to tell him. At the realization I swung the door open and looked around. He wasn’t in sight, so I decided to take a stroll around the base. After half an hour I found that same Lieutenant headed for the hangars. “Hey!” I called, making him turn to me. “We need to have a talk.” He stood still as I approached. “Who the hell told you I was sleeping around base?” He glared at me. “It’s just a rumor I heard.” I crossed my arms over my chest. “Who the hell started it.” I held his stare for a while. He was trying to intimidate me but after a minute he gave in. “Lieutenant Cooper.” I spun on my heel, marching away. “SON OF A BITCH!” I rushed back to the rec room in hopes he was still there. As I approached, I saw they were all still in there. I shoved the door open, letting it bounce off the wall, startling everyone. “How fucking dare you!” I yelled, staring Coop down like a predator. “How dare I what?” He asked with a smirk. “You think you’re funny? Going around, telling everyone I slept with you and a bunch of other men?” I asked as I slowly stalked towards him. “Woah, what?” Lieutenant Seresin said as he sat up. “Sit back down, I’ll get to you in a second.”

“Oh, Kate come on. We both know you would have anyway.” I heard the slap before I felt it, my hand stinging as Coop’s head turned sideways. “You bitch!” He jumped up, grabbing the front of my dress as everyone else jumped in. Bradley shoved Coop away as Natasha grabbed me. “You’re a real piece of shit you know that! I don’t know what the hell your problem is with me, but you need to back the fuck off.” I snapped as Natasha held my arm. “Or else what?” He asked. I really didn’t know what. No matter what I did, it would come back on me anyway. “See. You’re nothing without daddy. You think you’re so fucking great, don’t you, Kate? Sitting up there on your pedestal-“ He took a step forward but was cut off by Lieutenant Seresin. “Walk away, Coop.” Coop glared at him for a second before his eyes flashed to me. I glared at the back of his head as he turned and left the room, slamming the door behind him. Lieutenant Seresin turned to me quickly. “And you!” I pointed at him, ramming my finger in his chest. “I thought maybe you were a decent fucking person when I met you, but you proved me wrong. You’re no better than him. I hope you enjoy your miserable life, seeing as how you ruined mine.” I huffed before gathering my things. “Katie.” Natasha said as she rushed over while Bradley and Lieutenant Seresin had a quiet argument. “I thought I told you to stay away from me?” I asked as I slid my textbook into my bag.

“We want to help you.” I huffed, sling my bag onto my shoulder. “When are you going to get it through your thick skull that I don’t need any fucking help?” I yelled at her, catching her by surprise. I made my way to the door, stopping and giving them one last look. “This is just the way my life is. I’ve accepted that, and the sooner you do, the better. I don’t need anyone else fucking up my life for me.” I said before marching down the hallway. I searched for an empty room, finally coming across one a few floors up. I slowly opened the door, but as I saw Captain Mitchell, I attempted to close it, but I was caught. “You can come in.” I sighed, opening the door and stepping in. “I’m sorry, Captain. I was looking for a quieter place to study and I thought this room was empty.” He gave me a smile, stepping closer. “You can use it. I was just leaving, and no one else will be in here today.” I smiled in return. “Thank you, Captain.” He walked by me as I pulled out a chair and sat down. “Oh, Miss Blair?” I turned to him. “Are you… okay?” I just pursed my lips and nodded. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I be?” He chewed on his cheek for a second before speaking. “You just look upset.” I shook my head. “That’s just my face, Captain.” I said, throwing in a fake chuckle at the end. “Alright. Well, you have a nice evening.” I nodded at him. “You too.” I responded. Once he was gone, I sighed, looking down at my textbook, deciding I didn’t have the energy to study anymore. “Fuck it.” I said before pulling out my phone, opting to scroll through Instagram instead.

The next few months followed the same routine. I would go to school, come to base and sneak up to this classroom so no one would know where I was. Without other people to get me in trouble, my life became a little easier. I wasn’t shamed so much by my parents and even my grades had improved a little. This classroom became like my little safe haven. The place I come to relax before I started on my homework. I could even see the runway just outside of the large glass windows and I could even see everyone taking off. Some time I would zone out and just watch the jets the entire time I was in here, others I would scroll through my phone or read a book if I didn’t feel like studying. I should’ve known that wouldn’t last long though. I arrived at base the first week of March and as I went to walk into my dad’s office, Lieutenant Seresin was walking out. I went to walk past him, but he stood still as a statue in front of the closed door. “Excuse me.” I said, not meeting his eye. “I need to talk to you.” I shook my head. “No, you don’t. I’m not being polite anymore. Get the hell out of my way.” I said quietly. He slowly moved out of the way, and I walked into the office. “Hi, dad.” I greeted. “You have an exam next week. I expect you to study for the rest of the day.” I nodded. “Yes, sir.” I spoke. He never once looked at me, keeping his eyes on his computer. “Dismissed.” I turned and rolled my eyes, making my way out of his office. Lieutenant Seresin was still outside the office. I walked past him, and he tried to follow but I rounded on him. “Don’t fucking follow me.” My voice was threatening, and he held his hands up in surrender.

Every chance Lieutenant Seresin saw me, he would try to stop and talk to me. But I made it very clear that I did not want to talk to him. I managed to separate myself from everyone, even Natasha and Bradley got the hint and didn’t even acknowledge me if they saw me. It hurt, but it’s what had to happen. I wanted friends, I wanted to be social. But every time I was, my parents found something wrong and made me miserable. I barely passed last semester, so I needed to bust my ass and do better this semester. It’s just so hard when I don’t enjoy any of it. I stared at my textbook, reading the same line over and over again before finally getting tired of it and grabbing my phone. I scrolled through social media for a little while, but I eventually got sucked in and started doomscrolling. “That doesn’t look like studying.” I gasped, tossing my phone on the table as I turned around. I glared at Lieutenant Seresin as he leaned against the doorframe. Instead of fighting with him I started gathering my stuff. “I really need to talk to you.” I shook my head at his words. “No, you don’t.”

“Yes, I do. I want to apologize.” I scoffed, stuffing my textbook into my bag. “Bullshit.” I reached for my notebook as he slammed his hand down on it. “Please. Just listen to me.” I stared at him for a moment before huffing. “Guys like you don’t do apologies. You just say and do what you want without worries of the repercussions for you or the people around you. So no, I won’t listen to your bullshit apologies. Because I am done having other people ruin my life for me. I’m good enough at that on my own.” I said as I yanked my notebook out from under his hand. “You don’t know me.” He said as he stood straight. I gawked at him, jaw on the floor. “I don’t know you?” I questioned. “I know that you are a pompous, vain, self-righteous asshole. The way you have treated me over the last four months has shown me nothing different. But if you are someone different, maybe try acting like it and stop following Coop’s lead. Because he will ruin you in the long run.” I slung my bag onto my shoulder before turning and walking out, it was time for me to leave anyway. I left him standing there, meeting my dad at his office door as he locked it. “Get a lot done?” I nodded. “I did. A whole three chapters.” I lied. He nodded, shoving his keys in his pocket. I followed him outside and got in my car before heading home.

Once there I went upstairs, feeding my fish and smiling as they all swam for the food. I set my bag down and pulled out my stuff, laying it on the white desk. I slipped my heels off, placing them neatly in my closet as my mother came in. “Come downstairs, we need to get dinner ready.” I nodded, following her. Once we had dinner on the table, I sat quietly while my parents had their usual evening conversations. “Katie.” My head snapped up, surprised by the snap of my mother’s voice. “Yes?” She scoffed as she stared at me from across the table. “Head in the clouds like usual.” I pursed my lips, steeling my face so it was expressionless. “I asked if you’ve spoken to any of those boys on base?” I quickly shook my head, knowing what she was insinuating. “No ma’am. I don’t speak to anyone on base except for dad.” She nodded. “Good. If the other navy wives found out you were running around like the base prostitute, we’d be in ruins.” I didn’t sleep with anyone. But they’ll never believe me. Most parents believe their kids could do nothing wrong. Mine believe everything I do and say is wrong. “Well Lieutenant Seresin asked about you.” Dad said as he cut his eyes over to me. “I have ignored him, but he has tried to speak to me. I told him I had nothing to say, and he kept insisting so I told him to stay away from me.” Dad scoffed. “Maybe I should ban you from base. That would solve all of our problems real quick.” I nodded. “I would be okay with that.” I said as I sat my fork down, meeting his gaze.

“Absolutely not. You know I have book club on Monday, I do afternoon coffee on Tuesday and Thursday, Rose does a late lunch on Wednesday’s, and I have bridge on Friday’s.” I kept my eye roll to myself. God help if my mom couldn’t be a social butterfly and put on this perfect family act. “We can’t trust her in this house alone.” I took a deep breath, releasing it slowly. “I’m twenty-five, mother. The most I’ll do is study and shower.” She laughed at my words. “Do you really think we believe that? We were twenty-five at one point too. You’ll be sneaking boys in here left and right, and I’ll be damned if you act like a whore in my home.” I shook my head. “No, I won’t.” I said and her eyes snapped to me. “Do not talk back to me. We’re not stupid. When you start acting like a whore, you will always be one. You can’t change that.” The rest of dinner was silent, and I relished in my alone time while I did the dishes. But soon it was back to my room, and back to studying. I read a few pages before my mind drifted to what my dad said at the table. I have to get Lieutenant Seresin off my back, he needs to realize he has to stay away from me. So, I picked up my phone, opting to text Natasha to see if she could help.

Is there anyway you can tell Seresin to back off?

Is he bothering you?

Yes. He keeps saying he wants to apologize but I know it’s bullshit.

Actually, I don’t think it is. After you yelled at him and Coop that day, he’s felt pretty bad about how he acted.

Sorry, but I don’t believe that. He’s been nothing but awful to me.

He changed when he saw the marks on your face and neck. Katie, he really does feel bad.

I don’t care if he feels bad. I don’t want to hear it. Can you get him to back off or not?

I’ll try.

I huffed as I went back to studying. If he won’t listen to me, maybe he’ll listen to Natasha. Things were slowly getting a little better. It was never great, but I haven’t had… scary thoughts in a while, so I think it’s better than it was. My door swung open, revealing my dad. “We have an event this weekend. So you need to study extra this week since you won’t have time this weekend.” I nodded. “How long have you been on that chapter?” He asked, eyeing my textbook. I looked down, realizing I had been on the same chapter for three days. “Just a few hours.” I lied and he came closer, staring at the number at the top. My heart was beating hard in my chest, thudding against my rib cage. “Okay. Just hurry up. You need to get through this quick.” I nodded before he turned and walked out. I ran my hands through my hair, tears building up in my eyes. “How am I going to get through ten chapters in three days?”

By the time Saturday rolled around I had only managed to get through four chapters. I just couldn’t focus on it. So I made an attempt to read my textbook as I slipped my heels on, but to no avail. So I tossed my book back onto my desk and grabbed my purse. I walked downstairs to wait for my parents, but my mom was already waiting. She turned to me and sighed. “Why don’t you go put your contacts in?” I bit my tongue, holding back. “I already have my makeup on.” I retorted and she stopped messing with her earrings to look at me. “It wasn’t a question.” I sighed, making my way back upstairs. “Lose your attitude!” Mom yelled, making me stop at the top of the staircase. I clenched my fists, practically vibrating in frustration. I went into the bathroom, taking my glasses off and grabbing my contacts. I struggled but I managed to lift my eyelid enough to slide my contact in without getting makeup in it. I blinked my eyes to clear them just as my mother yelled up the stairs. “Katie Scarlett! You get down here right now! We will not be late because of you!” We wouldn’t be in this position if you let me wear my glasses. I thought as I made my way downstairs. I met my parents out in the garage, climbing into the backseat of the truck.

I sat and watched the world go by as my dad drove, but he stopped me as we arrived at Admiral Simpson’s home. “You should’ve worn a different dress.” I furrowed my brows in confusion. I wore a powder blue skater dress with a square neckline. It came down to my knees and had short sleeves. “Mom didn’t say anything about it.” I said as I ran my hand over the skirt. “You’re drawing too much attention to your chest. Just stay with us and don’t draw too much attention to yourself.” He said before turning to my mother, who wrapped her arm around his. “Don’t draw too much attention to yourself.” I muttered ever so quietly. “What?” Mom turned and asked. I shrugged my shoulders, meeting her gaze. “I didn’t say anything.” She turned back and walked inside with my dad. Mrs. Simpson had decided to throw a garden party of sorts for Admiral Simpson’s birthday and invited my parents and me. I expected to see people I didn’t know, maybe a handful that I did know. But I was caught off guard seeing Bradley and Natasha. I kept my head down, following my parents over to where Admiral Simpson stood with a beer in his hand. “Admiral Blair. Glad you could make it.” He said as he shook my father’s hand. “Happy to be here, and Happy Birthday.” The fake personas made me nauseous. No one knew how they really were, only the front they put on. “Donna.” He held his hand out to my mom who gave him a fake smile. “Mrs. Blair is fine.” God, she’s so high and mighty.

“Katie.” I firmly shook his hand with a large smile. “Good to see you again, Admiral.” He nodded. “Likewise.” He smiled at my parents and motioned towards the table. “Help yourself, we have wine, beer, champagne for later. Food will be out in a bit.” They nodded and headed for the drinks. I followed closely behind and grabbed a glass of wine after my parents got their drinks. “Oh no.” Mom said, lifting the wine glass from my hand. “I don’t need you drunk and embarrassing us.” She grabbed a glass with water in it and placed it in my hand. She turned back to my father, and I just looked down at the glass in my hand. I just sighed, looking up to see Bradley looking at me. I looked away, but I was startled by Maverick who came up next to me. “Admiral Blair, good to see you. Glad you made it.” He said as he grabbed my dad’s hand, shaking it. “Captain Mitchell. I’m surprised to see you here.” He said. “Ah well, can’t avoid everything all the time am I right?” He laughed and I chuckled quietly, stopping when mom turned to me. “Hey Mav.” Oh great, here come Bradley and Natasha. “Rooster. Hey!” Maverick pulled him into a hug before hugging Natasha. “Admiral.” Bradley addressed my dad who shook his hand. “Lieutenant Bradshaw. Good to see you.” He greeted my mom before turning to me. I gently shook my head, hoping he wouldn’t address me. “Katie.” He said and my head snapped towards him. “Hello Lieutenant.” I greeted him with a nod, not meeting his gaze.

“Hi, Katie.” Natasha pulled me into a hug, catching me off guard. I hugged her back, not wanting to seem rude. Eventually she pulled away, holding my hands as she looked at my dress. “This dress looks so good on you! I love the color!” I smiled at her. She had on a white strappy tea length dress with roses on it. “I love yours as well.” She smiled at me. “How’s school going? You’re halfway through your semester, right?” She asked. I nodded and went to speak, but of course I was cut off. “She is, and she’s doing so well this semester.” Mom said as she wrapped her arm around mine, smiling at Natasha. “My Katie Scarlett is so smart, I couldn’t be more proud of her.” I gritted my teeth, listening to the lies she was spouting off. “I’m sure you are proud.” I noticed the fake smile she gave my mother, and I know mom noticed as well, giving one right back to her. “We are. We’ve raised such a smart and… classy daughter.” She said as she glared at Natasha. “Mother.” I hissed and her eyes flashed to me. “What? Just pointing out the obvious.” Whether Natasha was offended or not, she didn’t show it. “Well, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go talk to my WSO.” She said and waved to me as she walked away.

“Maverick. It’s my understanding that you once again avoided a promotion.” My dad addressed and Maverick nodded. “I prefer being up in the sky, and the higher in the ranks I climb, the less time I spend in the air. I’m perfectly happy with my current position.” My dad hummed. “Well I understand that Iceman lined up a position for you here in North Island for after the mission?” Maverick nodded. “It was originally Captain of a team, but since we worked so well together, Admiral Simpson made the Dagger Squad my team.” Dad nodded, but I could tell he was angry. “Well, let’s just hope your team continues to be great.” Maverick nodded at his words with a smile. “Oh, we will sir.” Maverick knew what my dad was insinuating and had no problem brushing him off. “Yeah, we’re not called the best of the best for nothing.” My father glared at Rooster who just had a smug grin on his face. “Well, let’s not crowd the Commander. We’ll leave you to mingle.” Maverick said, pushing Bradley away. But not before his eyes met mine. There was something in his eyes that I couldn’t place, but he didn’t look happy. They walked away and once again I was left alone with my parents.

They paraded me around, going on about accomplishments I’ve never even had. They were so worried about our ‘image’, they had no problem lying and making things up. I was sat at a table with my mother, staring off into space. There was a squirrel in the neighbors yard, struggling to climb up the shepherds hook to get into the bird feeder, but he kept sliding down. It was quite entertaining to watch. “God. I hate these things. Everyone wants to talk to me.” My dad’s voice broke me out of my trance as he sipped on his beer. “Commander Blair.” I averted my gaze from the blonde making his way over, but I did catch sight of the girl with him. She was tall, long light brown hair, a long pink dress adorning her slim figure. My dad turned, a fake pleased look on his face. “Lieutenant Seresin.” He said, shaking his hand. “Good to see you here, and who is this?” He asked, motioning to the girl next to him. “This is Kelly. My girlfriend.” He said as he smiled down at her. God, I wonder if she knows how he acts around others? “Nice to meet you, Admiral.” He shook her hand before someone got my parents attention. They turned, walking away and I followed behind before my wrist was grabbed. I was startled and turned to see he had his own hand wrapped around me.

“I really need to talk to you.” I shook my head, yanking my wrist from him. “I have nothing to say to you, and I’m not interested in anything you have to say.” I rushed away from him, leaving him standing there with his girlfriend. I was forced to stick with my parents all day, my mother usually keeping her arm looped with mine and plastering fake smiles. But I finally broke away to go to the bathroom. There were so many people here. You can’t turn around without bumping into someone and everyone is talking so loudly. I wasn’t happy to come here, but my mood plummeted, and I can’t even bring myself to get out of my seat at the table we were sitting at. But I had to pee so bad, I forced myself through the crowd. I came out, running right into someone’s chest. I stepped back with a huff, looking up to meet those same green eyes that have done nothing but glare at me the last few months. “Excuse me.” I muttered, pushing past him, but I was startled when he grabbed the strap of my purse, yanking it off my shoulder and causing me to turn around as a reflex. “You’re going to listen to what I have to say.”

“I have enough people telling me what to do. You will not be another person on that list.” I snapped, yanking my purse from him. He reached for me, yanking me into his chest before he shoved me into a room and slamming the door. “You are going to listen to me.” He said as he looked down on me. But the only thing I could focus on was the closed door. “Open the door.” I said as I pointed past him. “Not until you just listen to me! It’s not hard but you keep running from me!” He took a step towards me, and I took a huge step back, bumping into a table. I looked back and realized it was a desk, and we weren’t just in any room, but Admiral Simpson’s office. “Oh god.” I felt nauseous when I realized where we were. “We have to get out of here.” I said but as I tried to push past him, he stopped me. “Katie, we’re fine.” I shook my head as he held me by my biceps. “You don’t understand! Getting caught in here is bad enough getting caught in here with you? My dad will kill me.” He furrowed his brows in confusion. “Hey. No one is going to find us in here. But we wouldn’t even be here if you had just listened to me weeks ago.” I shoved his chest as tears blurred my vision. “Of course, you would find a way to turn this back on me!” I yelled at him. “No! Look would you just-“ “Sh!” I shushed him as I listened for the voices again. “I don’t know where she went.”

It was my dad. I froze when I heard his heavy footfalls getting closer and closer. “Come on.” I was pulled into the closet in the room as Lieutenant Seresin closed it behind us. “Back here.” He shoved me behind a few filing cabinets stacked on top of each other. My back was pressed against them as he stood in front of me, his hands on my waist, and our bodies pressed together as he watched and listened. I held my hands to my chest, not wanting to touch him. I heard the office door open, and I started trembling as I heard my dad’s voice. “I swear, when I find her…” He sounded pissed, I looked towards the ceiling in hopes it would keep the tears at bay. “She’s done when I get my hands on her, ruining my image like this.” Nothing could stop my tears at this point, I just hoped it wouldn’t ruin my makeup. I held my breath, waiting until his footsteps echoed down the hallway. After a few seconds I let go of the breath I was holding, my vision falling to my heeled feet. “We’re good. He’s gone.” I wiped the tears from my cheeks before picking my head up. “Good. Now, let me go.” He shook his head. “Would you just listen to me?” I stared up at him, dying to push him away. But his gaze had me locked in place. “Okay. I’ll listen but that doesn’t mean I’ll change my mind about you.”

“I never said we slept together.” I was taken aback by his words. “Coop started that rumor and decided to throw my name in there with a bunch of other people’s. I’m sorry and I swear, if I had known about it, I would’ve put a stop to it.” I scoffed as I hiked my purse higher on my shoulder. “The way you’ve been treating me since that first day on base tells me a different story.” He sighed, hand rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m not gonna lie. Coop had a lot to say about you and none of it was good.” I rolled my eyes at him. “He’s a pathetic man child who can’t stand to not get his way. So he has no business spewing lies about me.” He nodded, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I agree, and I promise, I’m nothing like the guy you’ve seen these last few months.” He flashed me a smile, but I just scowled at him. “He wasn’t forcing you to act that way. You did that all on your own. He may have altered your perception of me, but you never took the chance to even find out for yourself. Maybe next time before treating someone like shit just because someone else tells you they’re this one type of person, take time to get to know them and find out for yourself.” He hung his head, knowing I was right. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to figure out an excuse to give to my parents as to why I’ve been gone for so long.” He gave me space, allowing me to come out from behind the filing cabinets.

I slowly peeked my head out of the closet and found the room empty and the door shut. I let out a sigh of relief before walking over to it, listening to the other side carefully. “What are you doing?” He asked and I held my hand up. “Listening for my dad’s footsteps.” “You can tell it’s your dad by the sound of his footsteps?” I furrowed my brows, looking at him. “You can’t?” He rolled his eyes, reaching forward and pulling me away from the door before swinging the door open. I glared at him as he stared down the hallway, face pale. I looked out to find Not only Natasha, but his girlfriend standing there as well. “Um…” He said as he stared at her. “What the fuck is going on? Why the hell are you locked in a room with another girl?!” She stormed forward and I grew scared by not only the fire in her eyes but the volume of her voice. She would surely draw attention. “He was apologizing to me!” I said, catching her attention. “There was a rumor floating around a few months ago that someone made up, and I thought he was involved.” She stopped, glaring at me. “I’ve been avoiding him for months but he’s very persistent. But it's all cleared up now and we’re going our separate ways.” He nodded, gulping loudly as she glared at him. “They’re telling the truth. Katie text me, and asked me to get Hangman to leave her alone but he said he needed to apologize.” Natasha slid into the conversation, saving us from Kelly’s wrath.

“She’s not just covering for you?” She asked him and he shook his head. “Not at all. It’s one hundred percent the truth. You know I’d never do that to you.” He said as he grabbed her hand, staring down at her. “Okay. Sorry,” She said as she turned to me. “The makeup running down your face made it look like you two were up to something.” I gasped, my hands flying to my cheeks. “It is? Oh my god.” I started panicking trying to figure out how to fix my makeup without any on me. “Okay. Deep breath. I have makeup out in my car, we’ll fix you up and you’ll be good as new.” Natasha said as she grabbed my hand. “What if my dad sees us?” She shook her head. “He won’t Mav is busy annoying him for fun.” A small smile crept its way onto my face. “Come on.” She pulled me through the house and out the front door. She walked me over to a mustang with the top down and she slid into the driver’s seat as I slid into the passenger side. She rooted around her center console as I looked out at the road. “What if we just took off?” Her hair went everywhere as her head snapped up to me, a surprised look on her face. “What?” I shook my head. “Sorry. Intrusive thoughts.” I said as I turned to her. “I mean, if you really want to, I’ll take you somewhere.” I shook my head again, giving her a small smile. “No thanks. I just want to get my makeup fixed.”

She helped me clean off my face and I reapplied some eyeliner and mascara. “How do I look?” She smiled at me, separating some of my curls. “You look really pretty.” I raised a brow at her. “Sure.” I said sarcastically as I got out of the car. She came around, falling in step with me as I walked back inside. “I’m serious. You have this natural beauty about you. It doesn’t hurt you have amazing fashion sense.” I chuckled. “Thank you. I don’t remember the last time someone told me I looked pretty.” She seemed a little surprised by my words. “Really?” She asked as we stepped out the back door. I nodded just as mom stormed over. “Where’d you go, sweetie?” Her voice sounded sickly sweet as she placed one hand on my back, the other rubbing my arm. But I detected the venom in her voice. “I needed to get something from my car, so she walked with me.” Mom narrowed her eyes at Natasha, and I nodded. “And what did you have to get?” She questioned. “Mascara. She needed to touch hers up and it was out in her car.” She nodded. I knew mom was a little weary of our excuse, but she couldn’t prove us wrong, so she let it go. “Very well.” With that she hauled me back to our table, forcing me to sit there quietly while her and my dad mingled.

By the time the sun was setting, my mother was having a conversation with Mrs. Simpson and dad escorted me around the truck to the driver’s side, hiding us away from everyone. He pushed me back into the door, glaring at me as I hung my head. “I don’t believe that bullshit story you fed your mother. Where were you?” I gripped my dress in my fists as I avoided his gaze. “It’s the truth. I was with Natasha.” It wasn’t really a lie. I just wasn’t with her when he came to find me. He glared at me for a moment before leaning down to whisper in my ear. “I don’t believe you. But if I find out you were sneaking around or causing problems there will be hell to pay.” He practically growled. “Am I clear?” I nodded. “Yes, sir.” I said. “Good. Now get in the truck.” He said before walking away. I turned, grabbing the door handle as tears gathered in my eyes. But I stopped feeling eyes on me. I looked out at the line of vehicles, finding Natasha, Bradley and Lieutenant Seresin staring at me. I gave them a small smile, hiding my sadness before climbing into the truck and closing the door. It wasn’t long before my phone dinged. I pulled it from my purse, seeing Natasha’s name pop up.

If you need help, roll down your window, and wave us over and you can come with us. I’m serious Katie.

My heart thudded in my chest. My dad started the car so it could cool off in the California heat. All I would have to do is roll down the window and just stick my hand out the window. Hell, I could jump out and run. Adrenaline rushed through my blood stream, making my head foggy and sweat form on my neck. I looked down at the window button, my hand drifting over. My hand shook as I pressed the button to roll it down. It felt like it took years to watch it descend but once it did, I laid my arm on the door, looking out. It’s so easy, right? Just wave my hand and I could get out of this truck and leave. But at the same time, it’s never that easy, is it? I bit my lip, raising my hand as my parents slid into their seats. “We have the AC on. Why the hell do you have your window down?” My dad looked back and used his controls to roll my window up, almost catching my arm in the process. “Stupid girl.” My mom mumbled as dad pulled out of the curved driveway. We took a left, driving right by Natasha, Bradley and Lieutenant Seresin who all looked different levels of upset. Maybe my life is meant to stay this way forever? I thought as I laid my chin in my hand, watching the world go by in misery.

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Taglist: @wkndwlff @cherrycola27 @daisydaisygoose @rosiahills22 @deanoheartspie @cornishkat @high-speed-r @fogle97 @mygyn @ohgodnotagainn @emma8895eb @senjoritanana @genius2050 @sandaltoesocks

#undiagnosed #top gun maverick #jake hangman seresin #jake seresin #hangman seresin #hangman #jake seresin x oc #neurodivergent OC #ADHD OC #jake seresin x neurodivergent oc

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frankingsteinery · 1 year ago

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dont know if i’ve said this all here yet but i see very often people pointing out victor’s supposedly idealistic childhood in comparison to the creature’s early suffering, and it always comes off as some sort of “gotcha!” moment when i think really there’s room there to be looking at the WHY that is. why, despite supposedly having this ideal childhood, with good, caring parental figures in his life, he fails to give this same upbringing to his own child? the issue is that of those who bring this up, their perspective tends to be already inherently limited: that is, victor is a bad parent simply because he is a privileged asshole. by beginning his narrative by describing his family and childhood as perfect and ideal, victor sets an expectation for parents that is obviously impossible, yet people continue to hold him accountable to it.

and, really, what childhood is really as perfectly happy as victor’s description? his almost-desperate insistence that his childhood WAS perfectly happy is just that — desperate — and it makes it suspicious. this insistence suggests the opposite, and i believe this assertion is taken at face-value far too often; particularly when his childhood, even in-text, was objectively imperfect and troubled, and victor himself directly addresses in his narration to walton that his past recollections of his family and early childhood are idealized, even going so far as to describe them as "religious" and "sacred" in feeling: i think [among other things] that this suggests, like many victims of childhood trauma and abuse, now that there is physical distance between the memories as well as time having passed since then, he has sentimentalized this era of his life

if you step back take a moment and look at the maternal figures in his life as well (caroline, elizabeth, and to a lesser extent justine) an obvious pattern emerges - each one of them was orphaned, and then “saved” by becoming a member of the frankenstein family, where they are afforded an environment where they are able to become these stereotypically motherly, nurturing caretakers. this pattern is broken with victor: when he is orphaned, instead of joining the family, he EXITS it — that is, he is sent off to ingolstadt, and completely stripped of this support system, leading to his “failure” as a mother.

in a similar vein, the same people who harp on and on about how victor is negligent and an unaccountable father fail to hold the creature accountable for his actions as well, and somehow the fault for the entire plot of the book (that is, the murders of the frankensteins and co) rests solely on victors shoulders.

#rob.txt #frankenstein #frankenstein the modern prometheus #victor frankenstein #gothic lit #i want to touch on this in more detail at some point #bc ive got a lot to say in this regard #just rambling atm #analysis

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yiddishfisting · 4 months ago

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just saw beetlejuice 2 lol time to have thots about it

so first off overall it was fun. i enjoyed that they centered a lot of the plot around the guy played by the pedophile actor getting killed horribly. it was very funny and we had a good time.

that said, i think it would have been a lot tighter if they didn't have three separate villains happening. either they should have focused on rory/jeremy as being parallels for each other, the different ways men manipulate and emotionally abuse women, OR they should have done dolores alone. i wish they had done dolores alone and then she won i think she should have won. i was looking very respectfully the whole time

but with three of them they all ended up kind of weak, and i know this is a Silly Goofy Film so i probably shouldn't look so much into it but idk they could have all been a lot scarier if they weren't all vying for attention the entire time. i think rory was the most compelling villain mostly bc we got to see him the most lol, but even then in the end he was very...toothless. like he was soooo sinister and again the parallel with jeremy if rory had also been some kind of murderer, if he'd killed his first fiance rather than made her up and then went on the prowl for another vulnerable woman to manipulate/abuse/murder you know??? esp lydia bc if he'd married and then killed her he could have gotten sooooo much money for it, and while that's not the most original plot idk it would have given his villainy more Weight i think.

and in that vein i think jeremy could have been more layered too/could have had a more poignant death than he did, especially if astrid was involved instead of betelgeuse doing it by himself. like he talked about his parents being neglectful and potentially abusive but to have killed them the way he did was INTENSE like there had to be some INSANE shit going on, either in his house or in his head. plus it was kind of dumb to have his death be that he fell out of the treehouse while it was surrounded by cops lol. i know they wanted something that would be easy to hide but like. he could've shot himself in the head and then just wore a hat all the time. like there are more interesting ways he could have died or killed himself that were easy to hide.

and lastly dolores was like......she felt wasted here. they introduced the soul sucking thing and built her up and then she barely gets to do anything at the end. i wanted to know more!!! where did the soul sucking come from? could she still do it while alive? it's a known thing so are there more? why wasn't she allowed to eat betelgeuse that would have been great. she could turn anything she touched goth WHY WASN'T SHE THE MAIN VILLAIN !!!!! it just felt like other than her killing bob she was just kind of Around being Menacing and didn't really have any real impact on the story lol like if you cut her plotline entirely the movie would essentially be the same

anyway all that aside like i said it was very fun. i love willem dafoe. rory's fucked up therapy speak straight guy incel shit was well done, even if his ending was kinda meh. the richard reunion was sweet tho idk what this movie has against protestors lol there were so many jokes about protestors being stupid weirdos who end up basically killing themselves for no reason

#beetlejuice spoilers /#jay text

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affluent-havoc · 9 months ago

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Just a thought I wanna share but, the best thing about Byakuya's backstory for me is how much interpretation one can have. Like, there isn't much know about the Togami Inheritance system, how Byakuya won in specifics, if it was a battle of the body, mind, or some combination. Same goes with Byakuya's parents. There is like NOTHING for those guys. I know in the dubiously canon Danganronpa Togami books, his father is named as Kijo Togami, dunno if it is exclusively in those books where he's named. Not much info is on him though. Like, what does he look like? What is his main personality? How is his relationship with his son, Byakuya? Meanwhile, Byakuya's mother is a mystery too. No name, no physical description, nada. It makes sense for her in specifics though as she was probably just there to make the child before said child got shipped to a IRL battle royale. Though, it's not like that's set in stone. That's interpretable too like if she was a good mother whether it's in an interpretation where she only had her son for a small amount of time or if she was always there or hell, if she kicked the bucket and died in some shady ass well! Other things to factor in too such as the fact that Byakuya could be mixed or biracial or something due to Togami men having to have offspring with fancy women all over the globe. That's one interpretation I like a lot. Just makes sense to me. Like, sure, blond hair could be dyed, but it could also just be that European blood coursing through his veins. Or, whatever one sees. Depending on one's own interpretation, his life could be just relatively shitty with the uphill battle of becoming heir and the stress that comes with to potential abuse even, whether verbal or something else. Byakuya is already an individual with some problems after all with his mindset, general demeaner, and childhood or lack there of cus i REFUSE to consider what we know about his childhood to be a diggity dang childhood! Cus, no! That SOOOOO wasn't one. The limit with the interpretation is simply how much one wants to interpret about him like his secret in chapter 2 which never was revealed. Hell, even his list of likes and dislikes is a little vague or at least one of them that I constantly think back to like, what do you mean you like French, Byakuya?! Like, is it JUST the language? Culture? The food?!?!? Gasp Does he relate to the baguettes? Okay, I'm being a bit silly here but my point is that even his likes and dislikes can be fluid with interpretation. He likes coffee but it's open to what KIND whether it be black coffee or a Frappuccino at Starbucks with excessive amounts of whipped cream (I say this like I've actually seen a Starbucks coffee in person and have walking into an establishment). He dislikes microwaved food. Well, how far does that dislike go? Pure hatred even? Would he refuse to eat a reheated meal that he likes out of spite because it was reheated in a microwave even if he's literally about to starve to death or would he cave and eat the food? Or, does he hate the microwave ITSELF more than the food products designed for it? Then my brain loops back to the important biz! What does he find funny?! How would one hypothetically get him laughing?! Dang! Sometimes I wish there was an ACTUAL concrete answer to this though, who knows. If there was, I might not like the answer though that is delving into what-iffery. Dunno! I just overthink like this! I gotta dissect my muse! Besides, even if some of the interpreting can be annoying, even for me at times, it's not the worst thing ever. Not like he's the only character with this trait. It's just more apparent when you have some characters when you know all their family members or have actual CANON books about their backstory (Kyoko). And there are also other characters in which the vagueness is by design or just characters with vague spots like him cough cough Kokichi cough cough. Suppose it doesn't help that I am way too attached to this freaking loser T-T. Perhaps, there is some beauty to that.

#danganronpa #danganronpa byakuya #byakuya togami #text sector #just thoughts but there's so much more!#not that he's special as i said cus this is just danganronpa leaving those areas of vagueness in there #also going back to the coffee makes me wonder #does he drink it with caffeine or decaf? and if it IS caffeine which i believe it to be how far does he go?#is he badly caffeine addicted and would he drink other drinks if he did not have coffee or a back-up plan of tea?#i have my own answers to these so i'm just throwing these out there for fun!

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loversj0y · 2 years ago

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'tis the damn season

chapter two - you could call me babe for the weekend

alcohol-induced decisions snowball into conversations about the future, family tensions, poetry, and a serious discussion on the bitchiness of orca whales.

'tis the damn season masterlist

pairing: cc!wilbur soot x gn!reader

this part is primarily fluff! im keeping the list of tws in each part just for the sake of clarity

trigger warnings: reader's mother is abusive (not physically) and father is emotionally absent. this will be talked about in extensive detail. alcohol, some suggestive themes, and a lot of anxiety, slut-shaming

author's note: part two baby lets fcking go!!!! this part is insanely sweet but also there are some.... tenser moments due to families being shit tbh (it also becomes abundantly clear here why i consider dialogue my strong suit and not anything else bc i am Not the best at being Descriptive! ao3 version!

word count: 9.6k

You and Wilbur spent the next four days developing a routine. It always started with butting heads with your family and running to Wilbur’s for solace. You two would spend hours talking before falling asleep together on his bed. In the morning, you would walk back to your house, and the cycle would repeat. On the fifth day of this routine, drinks got involved.

“You brought a whole bottle of vodka?” Wilbur deadpanned.

“Yep,” you replied, “I’m not sure about you, but I’d like to get at least mostly drunk.”

He shrugged, “Can’t say I’m doing anything tomorrow that would stop me from wanting to. Plus, we haven’t drank together in years. Got to carry on a tradition.” You mindlessly wondered if he was thinking of the same night you were. “I’ll grab some cups. Want to drink it straight or with a mixer?”

“Both. Start with two shots and then maybe cranberry juice mixer?”

He nodded, “Alright, to the kitchen we go.”

You both walked to the kitchen, and he grabbed two shot glasses. You poured one into each, setting the bottle down and grabbing your shot.

“Ready?”

He picked his shot up and nodded, the both of you throwing your heads back in moments to take the first one. You coughed a bit after swallowing it. You weren’t really used to drinking much anymore, but from the looks of it, neither was Wilbur. He coughed as well, groaning lightly. After you recovered, you started pouring the second shots, and the cycle repeats once more.

“Fucking hell, man, I forgot how annoying shots are,” you chuckled.

He laughed, “Yeah, though, to be fair, we completely forgot a chaser.”

You shrugged, “True, but we have to stay true to our traditions.”

“Good point,” he grabbed the cranberry juice from the fridge, pouring it into two empty glasses while you washed the shot glasses. He added the ice and the vodka, grabbing both cups when he was done. We headed upstairs, sitting on his bed and putting some random show on the TV.

“Man, this really does feel like school all over again,” he laughed.

“You know what they say, ‘when in Rome’,” you chuckled.

“I suppose,” he hummed, both of you taking sips of your drinks.

After a moment, you leaned against him wordlessly. He gave you a confused look and you just shrugged.

“You know,” you started, “for as shit as it is, being with my parents and all, I’m glad I showed up this year.”

“Oh, really? Why’s that?” He snickered.

You looked up at him, holding your tongue. You were thankful for the vodka giving you an excuse for the redness on your cheeks, but you knew it wasn’t the drinks making you notice just how gorgeous he looked right now. His hair was tousled, probably from the amount of times he would adjust his hair while he spoke. His sleeves were pushed up to his elbows, drawing attention to the carefully crafted veins that followed from his hands up his arms. There was a slight pink tinge to his cheeks, but you couldn’t tell if it was the alcohol or your staring that made him blush. You were only tipsy, but he made you feel completely intoxicated.

In a moment of boldness, you leaned up and kissed his cheek.“Because if I didn’t, I’d never have seen a certain handsome guy again. And even worse, I never would’ve gotten to do that.”

Almost immediately, he blushed furiously, “You get a drop of alcohol in you and get all kissy, huh?”

You shrugged, and the sober part of your brain was yelling at you to shut up before you did something stupid. “Only with you.”

His breath hitched, obviously unsure of what to say. His mind was in overload. The person he loves is actively flirting it seems, and he had no clue what to do. He thought about kissing you every day since that first kiss. Truthfully, he thought about it every day since you’d met. In the past, it was only the alcohol that gave him courage to ask. Now, his courage lays less in the alcohol and more in the fact that you were flirting with him, and he knew there would not likely be another chance like this. He turned to face you, gently reaching down to hold your hand.

“Can I… can I kiss you?”

You nodded. He cautiously pulled you forward, and after a moment of breathlessness, pining, and anticipation, you closed the gap. The entire world came to a stop as your lips pressed together. The only thing you could focus on was his lips on yours, shaky hands pulling each other closer, and the intense beating of your heart.

One kiss turned to two, which then turned to three, which then turned to cups on nightstands, a forgotten show, and a lost count of how many kisses had been shared. You had no clue how much time had passed, the only indication of time was the “Are you still watching?” screen proudly displayed on the TV, bathing you and Wilbur in muted light. You pulled away first, completely breathless and admiring the goofy smile on his face as he panted lightly. He reached a hand up, gently brushing his thumb over a small hickey he’d left near your collarbone.

“Sorry,” he hummed, “got a bit enthusiastic.”

"You're not sorry. I can see how proud you look," You snorted, "But I don’t mind, I just may need to steal one of your jumpers to make up for it.”

He tapped his chin in contemplation, “I like the terms of that deal.” He stood, grabbing a light blue jumper from his closet and handing it to you.

You pulled it on over your shirt before looking down at it, “Will, is this your merch?”

“It may be,” he hummed, “it looks good on you, though, babe.”

You tensed, and it seemed to be more visible than you’d intended as he asked, “Oh, I’m sorry, is that not alright? I can call you something else, or just forego the pet names thing entirely, if that- if that makes you more comfortable.”

You shook your head a bit, “No, it’s… it’s alright. Just not used to it.”

He nodded with a sweet smile, “Alright,” he sat down again, holding his hand out for yours.

You smiled, placing your hand in his. He pulled you forward until you were pressed against his chest again.

“Hi,” he chuckled.

“Hey,” you snorted in response, grinning up at him.

“You’re very pretty,” he hummed.

“So are you.”

“I have a proposition, okay, hear me out, ready?”

You nodded as he continued. “You’re pretty, and you say I’m pretty. And I think, if we’re both pretty, it’d be absolutely beautiful if we kissed some more.”

You burst out into laughter, nodding. “Yeah, okay. I’d love to make something beautiful with you.”

He grinned widely, pulling you in for another kiss. At this point, the alcohol had mostly faded from both your system and his. You two were just drunk off each other, becoming a mess of lips, arms tangled around each other, hands in hair, and matching grins. You never felt more thankful for throwing caution out the wind. When you two eventually tired of kissing, you laid your head on his chest, and he wrapped his arms tightly around you, keeping you as close as possible.

“We should probably talk about this,” he said, staring up at his ceiling.

You sighed, burying your face against his chest, “Probably should. Or, we could wait ‘til morning and just be all cozy and relaxed right now.”

He chuckled, pressing a kiss into your forehead, “Alright. I am a bit tired, anyway.”

You nodded in agreement and let your eyes slip shut. Upon noticing, Wilbur started humming softly until you’d fully fallen into the arms of sleep.

The morning did not end up as peaceful as you’d hoped it would be. You did not wake up in Wilbur’s arms, but rather to the sounds of him frantically moving across his room, clearly panicking about something.

“Will?”

His head whipped over to you, “Hi, darling, good morning, or- afternoon, rather, I guess.”

“Is everything alright?”

He nodded rapidly, “Yep, yes. Yes. I just- I forgot I have an event for stream today and it starts in like five minutes.”

At that, you grabbed your phone to check the time, startled by how late it was. You were even more startled by the missed call and subsequent text from your mother, informing you of the family holiday dinner that your presence was mandatory for. You groaned, burying your face into the mattress for a moment. The idea of spending another night surrounded by your extended family felt less like a chore and more like court sentencing. Not to mention, you could sense your mother’s kindness was a fallacy she created to convince you to visit. Every moment you were around her you got the sense of her old habits refusing to die.

“I have to go, too,” You sighed, pulling yourself to the edge of the mattress.

He frowned, “Family stuff?”

You nodded.

“Well, maybe after, if you’re not too tired, we can see each other again. If not, there’s always tomorrow, so,” he walked over, gently kissing your forehead, “we got time.”

You were acutely aware of the fact that, realistically, you two did not have time. But that point was irrelevant in this context, so instead, you just nodded.

Wilbur helped you to your feet, gently wrapping his arms around you. You did the same, hugging him tightly for a moment. After a moment, you pulled away and you two stood at arm's length.

He leaned down, giving you a gentle kiss, “I’ll text you after the stream, alright? Hopefully, then I can give you some escape from your family.”

You kissed him back, chuckling, “Please, do. I’ll take all the help I could get against them.”

The walk back home was filled with uneventful dread. You had a few hours to decompress and get ready, but you just didn’t want to go to this dinner. You just wanted to be with Wilbur or to be alone. You opened your front door to see your mother standing in the foyer, and she whipped her head around once you walked in.

“My God, Y/N, I had half a mind to assume you’d died! You don’t even bother to text me when you’ve gone out, or when you’ve woken up, let alone answer my calls, I-“ She stopped herself mid-sentence, taking in your appearance with disdain: the oversized sweater, the messy hair, and the slight red on your cheeks that hadn’t quite gone away since you kissed Wilbur goodbye.

“Where were you?” She demanded, “So help me God, you’d better tell me the truth because, I will not have my child being a whore under my roof.”

You groaned knuckles going white as your hands turned to fists, “For fuck’s sake, Mum, I’m an adult, alright? I’m allowed to have my own life and do my own things, and I am in no way obligated to tell you where I’ve been.”

“Are you on drugs? Have you been going off and getting high?”

“I wish I was, Mum, because maybe then your accusations would actually fucking make sense.”

Your mother scoffed, and you watched with horrid familiarity as her facade returned. Her voice took on a new edge when she spoke, one that brought you back to being a scared child, helpless in defending yourself, “Darling, everything I do is for your sake-“

“Don’t give me that bullshit, mum. You did things for me because it was your job when I was growing up, but you haven’t done shit for me except treat me like an obligation since I left to live in London.”

She let out a sigh, clearly trying to invoke your sympathy, “Well, maybe I just miss knowing what my child is doing.”

You wouldn’t give her an ounce of your pity. “Yeah? Well, maybe if you were a better mother, you’d know.”

You left her standing there in shock as you stormed back to your room. Maybe that was mean, but you couldn’t care less. She made your life a living hell, and still apparently attempts to, and at least now you didn’t have to cower around her anymore. You could stand up for yourself. You got ready for the hellish evening that awaited you, popping on Wilbur’s stream in the meantime. Thankfully, you were able to find an outfit that covered the physical evidence of Wilbur on you, given his apparent love for hickeys. You finished getting ready and just hid out in your room for as long as you reasonably could. Wilbur texted you once his stream ended, and the two of you continued to text throughout the night, which provided a nice distraction from the politics of a family holiday dinner. Your mother refused to make eye contact with you, clearly still upset about our argument. You paid no mind to her pointed remarks and snarky comments throughout the night. The highlight of the evening, however, was your younger cousin. He was a small lad, just recently turned eight, and was frankly a major iPad kid. The joy came from passing behind him to see Wilbur on his screen. He was watching a Minecraft video by someone named Tommy, and lo and behold, there was Wilbur. You brought up Tommy to Wilbur, and he seemed fond of him, happily considering Tommy his “favorite nuisance”.

Once enough people had left – and anyone who was still there was too drunk to notice one less person – you took the opportunity to leave. Once you were out in the light snow, you trekked over to Wilbur’s, shooting him a quick text to let him know you’d be there soon. You were freezing by the time you’d arrived, having left your jacket back in your room.

He opened the door, pulling you into his arms, “Darling, you’re shaking, come here.”

You hugged him back tightly, leaning your head into his shoulder, “You don’t know how happy I am to be here with you.”

“It was that bad?”

“Yeah,” you sighed, closing your eyes, “God, I feel stupid”

“What do you mean?”

“I just- they changed! Or at least, they seemed like they did. Every phone call, they seemed pleasant. I only agreed to even come back because it- it genuinely seemed like they’d changed. But fuck man, they’re exactly the fucking same, if not worse now. I can’t even fathom how I let them get my hopes up again.”

Wilbur didn’t seem to know what to say, instead just rubbing your back soothingly. He spoke up after a moment, “‘m sorry. That sounds like shit.”

“It is,” you pulled away, “I’d rather not think about it anymore, honestly. Not much I can do about it right now, anyway.”

He nodded, “Well, c’mon. You remember how you asked about Tommy?”

You nodded.

“I may have told him about you a bit, and he’s insistent on talking to you. Granted, I told him that wouldn’t be happening, but given the bad night that you’ve had? Trust me, he can make anyone laugh, and you’ll love him, I promise.”

“Okay, sure,” you chuckled, “If you say so.”

He took your hand, pulling you upstairs. You chuckled as you followed him. You sat down in the office chair next to him, and he pulled your chair closer to his own, both popping a headphone in.

“Don’t say anything yet, alright?”

You nodded as he rang Tommy.

“Wilbur!” Tommy spoke loudly, which immediately made you cringe from the noise. Wilbur turned down the volume.

“Hey, Tommy! Listen, remember that childhood friend I told you I was reconnecting with?”

“You mean snogging? Yes.”

Wilbur blushed and you stifled a laugh. “Sure, right. You remember how I said you wouldn’t be meeting them?”

“Why, yes, Wilbur, you said it quite rudely.”

“Right, well,” he gestured for you to say hello.

“Hi, Tommy. It’s nice to meet you.”

A beat passed. Then two.

“WILL, YOU BASTARD, I-” Tommy yelled. You were thankful Wilbur had turned the volumn down. He then took a deep breath clearing his throat, “Hello, Wilbur’s friend. Wilbur, I knew you would introduce me, you prick.”

From there, you and Wilbur spoke to Tommy for a while. He and Wilbur seemed to have this odd dynamic that consisted mostly of just poking fun at each other, but you’d be dammed if you didn’t admit how funny the kid was. Even if a good amount of his comedy was just yelling at Wilbur, it did bring a smile onto your face and even made you laugh quite a bit. Wilbur was right, he did strongly improve your mood after your day.

You and Wilbur ended up laying on his bed afterward, your head on his chest. His hands carded through your hair, taking care to make sure he didn’t tug at any knots. He spoke up softly, “I know you’ve had a shit day, but we should still probably talk.”

You groaned softly, sighing, “I hate when you’re right, you know that?”

“I know,” He chuckled, “I don’t love it either, you’re usually the one in the right.” He took a deep breath before moving on to the actual heart of the topic at hand, “You know, I do really, genuinely like you in a romantic sense.”

“I really like you too.” You didn’t like him, you fucking love him. But if you knew where this was going, you didn’t want to make this harder for the both of you.

He smiled at this, squeezing your hand gently, “Suppose we should discuss if we’re official then.”

You sighed, a frown adorning your features, “In the sake of honesty, I don’t know if we can be.” His face dropped, frown matching your own as you continued.

“In a few days, I’m going back to London, and I barely have time to focus on anything other than studying. I’m worried that I’d be neglectful as a partner, and you don’t deserve that. Even more so, thinking about the future scares the shit out of me. I’m scared of everything, Wilbur. Don’t get me wrong, I want nothing more than to be here with you and forget about the world. I want nothing more than the ability to have a happy relationship with you. But- but, Will, I’m scared of deciding to go through with this, and ending up losing you because of it.”

You buried your head against his chest, letting out a shaky sigh. He was silent for a while before he spoke again.

“I understand. So, how about this?” You looked up at him and he brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, “We have this week. These last few days of holding onto each other and calling each other babe. Then, once you leave, and you get settled in, we see what we can do. We’ll see if you can have the time, or if I can do something, or whatever we can do. And if we figure it out, we figure it out. If we don’t, we wait until you finish this final year, and we pick up from there.”

“You’d be willing to do that?”

“Love, I waited fifteen years to kiss you, and another four just to have you in my life again. A year is nothing in comparison.”

You didn’t quite know when you’d started crying. You sniffled a bit, wiping your eyes as you nodded rapidly. “Yeah. Yeah, okay. We can do that.”

He smiled at you, wiping your eyes gently, “Okay.”

You leaned up, placing a hand on his cheek as you kissed him. Your heart felt so warm, but your stomach still felt sick at the idea that so much remained uncertain. Part of you hated the idea that he’d be waiting for you, but a band aid solution felt better than simmering in bubbling anxiety, so you would accept it for now at least.

He held you close, smiling softly. He pressed a kiss to your forehead gently, “Don’t worry, love. This time, regardless of what happens, I’m not losing you again. You’re stuck with me, honestly, so you’d better hope you don’t get sick of me. Because I am going to be a thorn in your side.”

You laughed, burying your face against his shoulder, “I’ll gladly accept that. I think I could get quite used to the feeling of being prodded by a thorn all the time.”

He immediately burst out laughing, and you chuckled yourself, lightly hitting him. “I did not mean it like that.”

He laughed, “Mean it like what, darling? Like this?” He turned, sitting on your hips as he started to tickle you. You squealed, squirming under him and laughing.

“Will! I- I swear to God, mate, I will- I will piss myself, stop it!”

He laughed at what could only be described as your suffering, stopping after a moment and just placing his hands on your sides. He leaned down and kissed you, and you wrapped your arms around him, gently playing with the ends of his hair. He hummed softly, one hand coming to cradle your head, his thumb rubbing your cheek. You were both breathless when he pulled away. A lopsided grin stretched across his face, still panting as he spoke, “Do you think orcas make fun of other whales for not having cool designs?”

You burst out laughing, groaning as you threw your head back, “Wilbur Soot, what the hell?”

“I’m serious!” He laughed, “Do you think they’re mean about it?”

You laughed, adoring just how bizarre this beautiful man could be, “I think some are. I like to think most are kind, though. Why is this important?” You laughed through your words.

His eyes crinkled at the edges as he grinned widely, “Everything has some importance to it. In this case, your opinion on if orca whales are assholes or not. I just like hearing your worldview.”

You flushed softly, “Really? And of all the things you’d ask about, why the bitchiness of orcas?”

He hummed, “Well, one, whales are fucking amazing. They’re gigantic and insane looking, I fucking love them. Two, it’s serious to me, but it's not serious. I know your politics, and you know mine. But silly stuff still reflects you, so I’m curious. Now that I can, I want to know all of you in every tiny detail, I want to absorb everything that I’ve missed in the past few years or all the things I just may have forgotten to time. I want to know the parts of you that you have never shown before, and I want to know the parts of you that don’t exist yet. Hence, asking a question you’ve probably never thought of before. I want to learn you as you learn yourself and show you the beauty that lies in each detail.”

You blushed darkly, left speechless. The word, love, was not strong enough, didn’t feel quite right, to fully define just how much you felt for this man. Telling him “I love you” would never fit how much you truly felt for him. You refrained from saying it for now, eventually just grabbing onto him and pulling him into a tight hug.

“You have no idea just how much you mean to me,” you whispered against his ear.

He kissed the side of your head, whispering back, “Darling, I know more than anyone just exactly what you mean.”

You held him, tighter, as if he’d leave you the same way you left him if you’d let go. After a moment, tears began welling up in your eyes. Not bad or good ones, but ones that signified just how loved you felt and how much you felt for him.

“Darling, you’re shaking, is everything alright?” He pulled away, frowning, “You’re crying, love, what’s going on?”

You shook your head, smiling through the tears, “No, it’s not bad, I’m just- sorry,” you spoke in a light sob, and he shook his head.

“Don’t apologize! I’m just worried, did something happen?”

You smiled widely up at him, “No, I’m just overwhelmed,” you said, and when his expression fell, you quickly tacked on, “Not because of you! You just, um, you make me feel… seen, I guess.”

He smiled, wiping tears away, “I’m glad, then. You deserve to be seen. You’re beautiful, and amazing, and… everything. Even if I am the only one who sees you, at least then, someone knows how grand your existence is.”

You groaned, blushing again, “You can’t just say things like that, you twat,” you sniffled a bit. “It’s too nice.”

“It’s true,” he shrugged, “simply deal with it.”

You laughed, pulling him in for another hug, “I’ll learn to, I guess.”

He buried his face against your neck, nodding, “Good.” He pressed a few gentle kisses along your neck. The kisses started delicately, as if he was worried that kissing you too hard would hurt. As you relaxed further and further into each kiss, you could feel him grin softly against your neck. His kisses slowly became more heated. They became languid and rougher, but never painful. He eventually escalated to covering your neck with hickeys, your hands carding through his hair. You fully relaxed in his arms. You kissed the top of his head, and he looked up at you, grinning softly.

“Sorry,” he hummed, “May have gotten a bit carried away.”

“It’s alright, I quite like them.”

“Oh, really?” He went to add more to the mosaic on you, but you held him back.

“Yes, but I’d much rather kiss you myself.”

He pulled himself up, grinning down at you, “Gladly.”

Things were still and quiet in the morning. You rested your head against Wilbur’s chest, his arms securely wrapped around you. Overnight, it appeared that the snow had gotten stronger, so there was a slight chill in the room that had you moving further into Wilbur’s arms.

Wilbur pressed a gentle kiss to your head, “Morning.”

You hummed, looking up at him, “Morning.”

The room settled into a comfortable silence, both of your brains still stirring awake. His head shifted towards the window, calling your attention to the snowflakes gathering on the sill.

“You know I’m not letting you walk home like this?”

“What, in the cold?”

“Yep. And not to mention you look… a little wild.”

“Coming from you that’s a compliment. I’d argue you probably look worse.”

“I could make you look worse.”

You snorted and laughed, laying your head on his chest again, “You’re in a mood this morning.”

“I’m just happy that you’re here.”

“This isn’t the first time I’ve woken up here recently though.”

“No. But it’s the first time we’re able to kiss and relax when we wake up together.”

You smiled, “True. A nice contrast to yesterday.”

He hummed, “Today will be a better day.”

You chuckled in agreement, holding tightly to him.

He gently rubbed your back, kissing the top of your head.

After a moment, you looked up at him. “We have to get up at some point, you know.”

He hummed, turning you both over to splay his body weight on top of you. “‘m sorry, what was that?”

You laughed, “Okay, okay, don’t crush me, we can just sleep in. At least until like midday.”

He cheered, getting up on his elbows and covering your face in kisses, “Yes! Good! Rest time!”

You laughed, wrapping your arms around his neck. “You’re good at convincing. Helps when there’s something in it for me.”

“Like what?”

“A kiss, hopefully.”

“Gladly,” He chuckled. He leaned down, lips meeting yours in a quick motion. You kissed him back, your hands playing with his hair gently. When you pulled away, he wrapped his arms around you, pulling you on top of him and squeezing you tightly.

“Will! Are you trying to kill me?” You laughed as you asked him breathlessly.

He lightened up a bit, chuckling, “Nope. Just trying to keep you here forever.”

You hummed, sitting up on his lap once he gave you the space. “It’d be an honor to be here forever.”

“In our secret oasis.” His hands came to your sides, lightly rubbing up and down.

“It’s your childhood bedroom, but yes, if you want to give it the dramatic name. Our secret oasis.”

“It’s secret because no one knows we’re here.”

“What about Tommy? Or the thousands of people on your stream?”

“Tommy doesn’t know my exact location. And I’d fucking hope my chat doesn’t either.” He laughed.

You laughed, “Okay, okay, I get it. It’s our secret place. Though I’d argue the back field where we had our first kiss is probably more of our secret place.”

“Oh, god, don’t remind me of that kiss. I was so nervous to kiss you. I practically chugged half the vodka to try and calm down.”

“I was nervous too! My cute, dorky, best friend who I’d secretly been crushing on, wanted to kiss me? Yeah, I freaked out a little bit.”

“It didn’t seem like it! You seemed so composed!”

“Only because I was so nervous.” You leaned down, pecking his lips. “We should try and go back there one of these days. Maybe recreate that kiss with fewer nerves?”

“Would you put your prom outfit back on?”

You lightly slapped his chest, gasping at the implications, “You gremlin.”

“I’m serious! You looked really good.”

“Would you wear yours?”

“Mine still vaguely smells like vomit, so, no.”

“Then I won’t be wearing mine.” You stuck your tongue out at him.

He pouted, “Fine. To be fair, you could be wearing anything and I’d find you gorgeous.”

You flushed, “Even in a dinosaur costume?”

“Oh, especially in a dinosaur costume.”

You laughed, “Okay, Soot. I’ll wear that if we ever go on a date.”

“You mean when. We will be going on a date without a doubt.”

“Oh? And what would we do?”

He hummed, “Well, we couldn’t be out in public. For your safety and privacy. Plus, I know you don’t like fancy places much anyway. So, probably a picnic. But, with some takeout from a good restaurant since my cooking isn’t fantastic. And then, just coming back to my place, or yours, and watching a movie.”

“That… sounds lovely, actually.”

“Actually? Rude.”

You chuckled, “Sorry, I’ve just become used to the idea of a date being ‘come by my place so we can drink surrounded by shitty roommates and trash.’”

Wilbur looked horrified, “Darling, I am going to change that. No more gross college boys. You deserve to be treated so much better.”

You blushed, “Thank you, Will. I’ll be holding you to that, though.”

“You don’t even have to worry. I can’t believe you had to even deal with people like that, Christ. I’m going to raise your standards.”

You hummed, “You already have.”

Pink rose on Wilbur’s face, and he reached a hand up to your cheek, “I’m glad then.”

You smiled, leaning forward and playing with his hair.

“We should go,” you spoke up, “Back to the field, I mean. Might be a nice way to just get out of the house a bit.”

You nodded with a hum. “When?”

He wrapped his arms tightly around you, “Later after we’ve taken a nap.”

“Wilbur, we’ve just woken up.”

“Yeah, but you make me comfortable. Plus we had a lot of fun last night.”

You lightly hit him, “Get your mind out of the gutter, Soot. A nap does sound nice though.”

He grinned, “Doesn’t it?”

You leaned down, placing your head on his shoulder and landing a soft kiss on his cheek. He turned his head to grin lovingly at you, parting the curtain of your hair with one hand while the other held you close to him.

By the time you woke up again, it was well past three. Wilbur was already awake, his hand gently carding through your hair. It was a bit warmer now than when you’d woken up initially. You yawned, stretching as you woke up.

“Morning, darling,” he smiled as he looked down at you.

“Morning, again,” you chuckled softly, sitting up properly and rubbing your eyes.

He chuckled, leaning forward to kiss your forehead. “You hungry?”

You nodded.

“Want to go to the cafe? It’s probably pretty empty right now.”

You chuckled, nodding again, “Yeah, that sounds nice. Mind if I borrow a jumper?”

He hummed, “Go ahead. Take your pick.”

You stood slowly, grabbing a big yellow jumper from his closet. You changed quickly, trying to conserve enough warmth while Wilbur changed as well.

You finished getting dressed, turning to him, “Are we walking there?”

He hummed, peering out the window, “We could, but it might be safer if we don’t. It’s not snowing anymore, but it could start up again.”

“I could drive us then. We’d just have to walk to my place.”

He nodded, “Alright.”

Taking his hand in yours, you walked downstairs and outside into the cold icy streets.

The walk to your house was peaceful, breaths visible in the air, as you and Wilbur walked hand in hand. When you reached your front door, the serene air surrounding your walk shattered upon realizing you had to face your family. You just had to go in and grab your keys. You repeated it like a mantra in your mind. You considered telling Wilbur to wait outside, but before you could, he squeezed your hand.

“It’s alright, I’ll be with you the whole time, okay?”

You nodded, looking up at him as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. You let out a breath, letting go of his hand to open your front door. You tried to make a B-line for your room, but the sound of the door opening seemed to have alerted the home, as your aunt swooped into the foyer.

“Oh, my goodness! Little Wilby! My, how you’ve grown!” She squealed out, the rest of your family coming up quickly. Everyone was quick to dote on Wilbur, having known him for just about as long as you had.

“Sweetheart, is that where you’ve been sneaking off to? You should’ve told me you were hanging out with Wilbur, we could’ve invited him for dinner!” Your mother seemed innately pleased in the notion that you were with Wilbur. It only made you want to get out of there faster. Wilbur didn’t seem too overwhelmed speaking to your family, but you knew that it was starting to get to him slightly so you took charge.

“Right, well, we’re planning to head to the café, so we’d best get going. I just need to grab my keys,” you grabbed Wilbur’s arm, pulling him quickly to your room, and ignoring the calls of protest from behind you.

You let out a breath once you got in, looking up at him, “Sorry if they were kind of all over you.”

He smiled softly, “It’s alright,” he pulled you forward, kissing the top of your head. He was quiet for a moment before a frown replaced his smile. “They haven’t changed,” he hummed, “I thought you told me before you left that they were getting better”

You sighed, “I thought they were,” you leaned your head against his chest, “They only got better because I was there to mediate. Now, they’re just as toxic again.”

“Well, you should grab a bag and put some clothes and stuff in it. That way you can spend the majority of your time not here.” Wilbur suggested, gently rubbing your back.

You looked up at him, a soft grin adorning his face. You smiled back, “That sounds like a great idea.”

You pulled away to start grabbing stuff, Wilbur sitting down on your bed. You wondered what he was thinking about. Vaguely you wondered if he was getting that same feeling you did the night you went back to his room to listen to him play music. You wondered if his eyes roaming around meant that he was also reliving the memories you two had here, the number of times you had snuck out of your window, him showing you random videos to drown out the fighting of your family, complaining over schoolwork or professors, and just existing hip to hip.

Once you’d packed up, you walked over to him, grabbing his hands. “You’re thinking about something.”

He chuckled, “Yeah, I am.”

“What’s in that head of yours, Soot?”

“Thinking about the future.”

Oh.

“Oh?”

“Yeah. I mean, neither of us live here anymore. And you’ll be leaving London eventually. So, I’m thinking about where we go from there.”

“Well, depends on where I get a job, I suppose.”

“Lots of jobs in Brighton.”

“Will,” you laughed, “That doesn’t mean I’ll be able to find one there. I’m studying fucking English. Not much I can do anywhere I want.”

“You could work for me.”

“Will-“

“No, I’m serious. You used to help me with DnD campaigns. You could edit scripts or lyrics. You used to write poetry, don’t think I’ve forgotten.”

You sighed, “Will, I’m not sure that would work. I’m not sure dating my employer is truly the best solution here.”

“For Tommy, then, he probably needs more help with his scripts than I do anyway.”

“That could cause problems with you and Tommy if something happens, and I don’t want that.”

“I’m just saying, there are options. You could do remote work and just live in Brighton.”

“Brighton is expensive.”

“It’s cheaper than London.”

“Not by much. Rent is still insane in Brighton, trust me, I’ve looked.”

“Not if you split a place with me.”

Your breath hitched.

“Wilbur…”

“Just hear me out, okay, we’ve known each other long enough to know how we’d work together. I’m not losing you again. We could find a nice three-bedroom, so we could both have our own rooms and office space, and we could make it work. Then, once we’ve saved enough, we could move to fuckin’ America or something, wherever we want to go, we could do.”

“America?”

“Anywhere you’d like to go, I’d follow you. America’s just my pipe dream.”

You sighed. It could be a good option, honestly.

“I’m just not quite sure yet.”

“And you don’t have to be! You’ve still got a year til graduation. I could find a place in that time, so by the time you’re ready, we can do it.”

You squeezed his hands, hanging your head, “Maybe I’ll think about it.”

He seemed to let out a breath of relief, “That’s all I ask.”

You nodded, placing your forehead against his gently. You and he shared a silent moment, just breathing together. His hands slowly moved to wrap around your waist, pulling you in to tight hug. You hugged him back just as tightly. And though he would never say it, you knew exactly what fear ran through his mind. You knew exactly what he was afraid of. That you refused to be as dedicated to this commitment between the two of you as he was. Because there remained a lingering fear in you that this would not last. This pocket of bliss would rip a seam at the bottom and fall into another void of unforgiving remnants of time where your promises went to die.

You both managed to sneak out without too much disruption from your family. A snarky comment about keeping it clean from your uncle as you shut the door to your house would not deter you, as most things they could say now couldn’t. You two sat in the car for a moment, waiting for it to heat up. He connected his phone, putting on some music to hopefully put the both of you in a better mood.

The drive was short, with little words being shared beside Wilbur singing along to the music. Neither of you wanted to leave the car, despite the slightly tense atmosphere. After parking, you reached over and grabbed his hand, holding it tightly.

You scrambled to think of something to say to break the tension.

Thankfully, Wilbur had you beat, “You used to like filming things.”

“I- yeah. I still do, I guess. Just don’t have time for it anymore.”

“Would you ever want to do it?”

You thought for a moment. “I mean, yeah, maybe. I’d still love to make a music video or something one day.”

He nodded, “You could do it. Youtube and stuff, I mean.”

You sighed, “Will, I just don’t have the time to start. And by the time I can make money from it, it’ll be way too late.”

“I know you want to think about this more, but, all of my Youtube friends need help with people that film that they can trust. If you want to go that route, there are options. Even if it’s not for me or Tommy, I know people. And then it’ll give you time to start your own account, and I can help you with that! I can promote you, even,”

“Not that. If I do it, I don’t want to blow up completely out of nowhere. I’d want to be used to it first.”

“But you’re thinking about it.”

You laughed, “I’m thinking about it.”

He raised his other hand in cheers, “That is a win for me. I’ll take it.”

You laughed, tugging his hand, “C’mon. Let’s go eat.”

You turned the car off, and he quickly bolted out of the car and went to your side to open the door, “Hurry, hurry, it’s freezing out here.”

You laughed, taking his outstretched hand and standing, “You chose to be chivalrous, take your punishment.”

He let out a whine, tugging you into his arms, “Come here, I need warmth.”

You locked the car, letting out a loud laugh, “Okay, okay,” you wrapped your arms around him, rubbing his back, “Let’s go inside, it’ll be warm in there.”

He nodded, letting go of the hug to pull the both of you inside. You both went to order, and he turned to you while you waited, “What do you think you’ll get?”

You shrugged, “Probably just a coffee and a muffin. Just something small.”

“Do you still get them the same way?”

You nodded.

“Alright. Could you do me something then?”

“Uh, depends.”

The person in front of us moved, making us up at the register.

“Could you go grab me a napkin? I think I touched some ice or something.” He held his hand up, thumb swiping over his fingers and palm. You knew how he was when it came to weird sensations, so you quickly replied.

“Oh, sure,” you turned, walking to the sidebar to grab him a napkin. You walked back over to him as he was paying, handing him the napkin.

“Thanks! Also, I ordered and paid for you.”

You stared at him, shocked for a moment. After a moment, you spoke, “Did you even need a napkin?”

He shook his head quickly, “Just needed you to walk away so I could pay for you.”

You blinked at him, lightly hitting his arm, “You ass. Don’t do that.”

“What? Pay for you?”

“Yeah.”

“You simply cannot stop me, love.”

You groaned, “I swear to god. I’ll start paying for your shit too.”

“I’m taller than you, therefore faster. Good luck trying.”

“I hate you so much.”

“Yeah? I don’t think you do,” Wilbur snickered, before lifting a hand to the collar of his sweater. You flushed when he daintily pulled the fabric back to reveal the hickeys you had left on him the night before. You switched your gaze to meet his and he winked, only flustering you further. You pressed your head against his shoulder while he just laughed at you.

You sighed after you’d calmed a bit, “I’ll find a way to pay you back.”

“You do pay me back. Just by being with me.”

You hid the way you blushed, “Sappy.”

“Only for you.”

“Hush. I’ll make you flustered right back.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

“Well, I c-“

“Order for Wilbur!”

The barista called out, saving Wilbur just in time for the not-exactly publicly appropriate thing preparing to leave your mouth. Wilbur walked forward, grabbing the order for you both and walking to a booth in the far corner by a window. You both sat down, and he passed you your coffee.

“Light roast latte with caramel?”

“How do you even remember that?”

He chuckled, “I just do. I said earlier, I want to memorize you, and that includes all the tiny details. Like your coffee order. And the fact that you prefer regular chocolate chip muffins to the double chocolate chip muffins because you think it’s too much chocolate.” He handed you your muffin after, and you flushed once again.

“It is too much chocolate.” You spoke simply, not quite sure how to respond. Part of you felt guilty that you didn’t remember these small details about him, so you continued with, “I’ll have to relearn anything I’ve forgotten about you.”

That caused him to flush slightly, “Really?”

“Yeah. Can’t be sharing the pieces of me to a stranger, after all.”

“I’d argue we’re much closer than strangers.”

“True. But I need to have you memorized as you have me.”

He smiled, a gentle smile that told you he was grateful, “That’s true.”

You bit into your muffin. There was a soft smile on your face that you tried to hide by lowering your head. He saw it, though. You knew he did.

After you finished eating, you took your drinks and returned to the car. You duetting him for the songs you remembered, the old Los Campesinos! he taught you back when Aleksandra was still in the band. You were going to turn to his home but stopped when you saw the street your school resided on. You turned down the street, parking in the old lot between the school and the old church. They were both covered in holiday decorations, a grave reminder of the short time you and Will had together. But you tried not to think of it.

Instead, you looked at the school, thinking of the day you chose to leave.

When Wilbur caught sight of you, he spoke up, “Memories?”

You nodded, letting out a sigh, “Thinking of our last day there.”

He nodded, “That was… a day to say the least.”

“It was a good day, for the most part. We were so excited. I just…”

“What is it?”

“I knew for two weeks that I’d be leaving… I don’t know why I waited until that day to tell you. I spent all day knowing that it was the last day I’d probably see you. I keep thinking that maybe I should’ve told you earlier. Maybe I should’ve done something so that you’d beg me to stay. And things may have gone differently.”

“To be fair, I didn’t exactly take the news well.”

“Well, yeah, but-“

“Do you really think I would’ve let you go? I would’ve been so angry that we wouldn’t have had a good last few weeks or days. I was a petty person, so at least by waiting, we had a good day before the fight.”

You sighed softly, “I guess so.”

He took your hand, going quiet for a moment before speaking again, “I should have asked you to stay. Instead, I just forced you away because of how angry I was. I should’ve tried harder.”

“You know I wouldn’t have stayed. I wouldn’t ask you to wait for me after all. I just… wish you could’ve been happy for me. I know we were both yelling a lot, but it did hurt. It was my only way out of the house. I wish you could’ve at least been happy about that.”

He sighed, “I am, now. Despite the hell hole that London is, it’s better comparatively. I’m just happy for you a bit too late.” He gently reached a hand up, brushing some hair out of your face.

You took a deep breath, leaning into his hand. “We could talk about should’ve-beens and would’ve-dones until we’re blue. Maybe we should just talk about now.”

“You think so?”

You nodded, pulling the lever at your seat to recline back. Wilbur did the same, and you turned to face him, getting comfortable.

“Do you think bees dance to communicate because they find it fun?” He asked after a moment.

“Sadly, no,” you hummed, “I think because they do it for work, they don’t find dancing fun. They probably find things like conference calls fun. Or paperwork.”

“Do you think they operate on a capitalist or communist type system?”

“They don’t have currency, so neither technically, but closer to communism. If they were capitalists, the bees would’ve gone extinct long ago.”

“Do you think they’re going extinct now because they tried to switch to capitalism?”

You laughed, “That I know is not true. I saw the Bee Movie, they’re dying because humans aren’t getting into weird relationships with them anymore.”

That led Wilbur to burst out laughing, hitting the seat of the car as he laughed. You laughed as well, mostly due to how happy his genuine laugh made you.

You glance at him between your own laughter, a fond look taking over your features. Once he’d calmed a bit, he made eye contact and smiled, giving you an odd look, “What is it?”

“Hm?”

“Something’s going on in your brain, you’ve never looked at me like that before.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“I’m not sure yet. Could be a dangerous thing.”

“Oh, really? Dangerous how?”

“Well, it could make me do this,” he placed a hand on your jaw, gently pulling you in for a kiss. It was a bit awkward, given the lack of support brought on by the gap between your car seats. However, it was warmer than the cold that seeped into the car and that still resided in your chest just by being home.

He grinned when he pulled back, thumb gently stroking your cheek, “You know, since you’re staying at mine for at least two days, you could be on a stream.”

You chuckled, “At least?”

He nodded, “At least. It’s the bare minimum. My actual estimate is for the next five days,” you only had seven left, “you’re ignoring the point though.”

You thought about it for a moment, “Would I have to be seen?”

“Not if you don’t want to.”

“And what would they know about us?”

“Just that you’re my friend.”

You hummed, “Maybe. Will Tommy be there?”

“Do you want Tommy to be there?”

You snorted, “Not necessarily. Plus, you mentioned that he has a bit of an issue with spilling information.”

“Oh, yes, he does.”

“Well then, we’d better make sure that if I do, he’s not there. Don’t need him making another joke about us snogging.”

He laughed, “That’s a good point.”

You smiled softly, “Is your chat nice?”

“To me? No. To guests? Always.”

“Good, I’ll like them then.”

He gasped, “Fuckin’ rude. You’d better side with me. They will try to side with you, so you’d better only side with me.”

“I will do as I so please, Mr. Soot.”

“Oh, is that so?”

“It is.”

“Well, it just so happens that I, too, will do as I please. Which includes this,” he leaned forward, kissing you again.

You kissed him back lovingly, pulling away with your hand on his cheek this time, “Well, it just so happens then that our interests aligned at that moment.”

“Oh? So you’re saying kissing me pleases you?”

He was trying to make you flustered, but it wouldn’t work this time, “Yes. It does.”

He flushed instead, leaning forward, “Well, if it does, then I’m sure you wouldn’t mind doing it again.”

“Not at all,” You kissed him once again.

After a routine of kissing and Wilbur breaking to ask his weird questions for about two hours, you two eventually decided to leave the parking lot. However, you took the long route home, the two of you just driving around to see your old hometown.

“You remembered my love of poetry earlier,” you commented after a moment.

He nodded, “It’s always been big for you, even if it’s something you don’t like to talk about.”

You nodded pensively before continuing, “Have I told you one of my favorite poems?”

“You have a lot so you’d have to be more specific.”

You chuckled softly, “It’s The Road Not Taken by Frost. Have I told it to you before?”

He shook his head, “No, you haven’t.”

You hummed, “It’s much more of a recent favorite. Anyways, I really recommend it. I’d recite it, but-”

“No, do.”

“But I don’t have it perfectly memorized anymore. I used to. I have the last stanza memorized still, but you need the context of the rest of the poem to understand.”

“Let me find it, hold on,” he pulled out his phone and found the poem, beginning to recite it out loud to the both of you. When he reached the final stanza, you joined in:

“I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.”

He was quiet for a moment as he processed the poem. “So what does it mean?”

“Well,” you started, “it's become a recent favorite because of us. There’s irony throughout the poem. The subject is the road he did not take, the choice he did not make, to the point where he says that instead of telling us he took the common path, he should be telling a story years later about how he took the road less traveled by and it changed his life. I keep thinking about how the road less traveled for us would’ve been me staying, and how different everything may have been. Things could’ve been completely different for us.”

“That’s interesting. I like the poem. But, I really like the path you took.”

“Really?”

He nodded, “think about it. We never talked about the prom kiss until recently. If you’d stayed, we probably never would have. We might’ve just been stuck pining for each other til the end of time.”

“So you wouldn’t change anything? Even the fight?”

“No.”

“Really?”

“I wouldn’t, at least not without some sort of guarantee that we’d still end up together. I think we’d always be in each other's lives in some way. But with the way things worked out, we got together, rather than just staying friends,” He sighed appreciatively, “Not to say I wouldn’t be alright with if we’d stayed friends, but at least this way, we have a shot at this. And maybe we would’ve eventually found each other again and got together, and all the hurt wouldn’t have been necessary, but I know I wouldn’t take the chance of changing anything without knowing we’d reach this point again.”

You stopped at a light, turning to look at him, “It was worth it then? All the loneliness and upset and anger?”

He nodded, smiling softly, “Absolutely, if it meant getting us where we are.”

You blushed, looking back at the road. You didn’t think he could still make you shy at this point, yet in nearly every conversation he seemed to one-up himself. “I’m glad,” you spoke quietly. He gently squeezed your hand.

You pulled into his driveway, parking quickly and grabbing your bag from the backseat.

“Let’s go in. I want to get cozy.” You hummed.

He nodded, “Of course. Did you pack your laptop?”

You nodded.

“Want to play Minecraft?”

The two of you rushed inside from the cold and quickly made a matter of getting as comfortable as possible. You snagged one of his hoodies this time, pulling on a pair of nice sweatpants as well. While he went to get dressed, you snuck downstairs to the kitchen to make hot chocolate for you both. He seemed to be a bit distracted with getting his computer turned on and making space for your laptop, but after a few minutes, you heard his footsteps coming down the stairs.

“Darling?”

“In here,” you called out, stirring the milk you’d heated to combine with the chocolate.

He stepped in, wrapping his arms around you gently, “Hot chocolate?

You nodded, leaning your head back against him, “Figured it’d be nice to have a treat while we game. Just like the olden days,” You chuckled.

He grinned, leaning down to place a kiss on your cheek, “Thank you.”

You turned in his arms, smiling up at him, “Of course, Wil. You feelin’ all cozy?”

He nodded, smiling back at you, “Very much so. I got you whitelisted on my server, so we can play together. And if any of my friends join, you could meet them, as well.”

“Oh, yeah? Like who?”

“You could meet my bandmates. Sometimes they’re on around this time. Tommy probably won’t be on, but my friend Quackity might, you’d like him I think. There are some others as well, but some of them I can wait to introduce you to when you visit me in Brighton for the first time, a lot of them live around there. Plus, then you won’t have to see my friend James’s embarrassing Minecraft username.”

“What’s his username?” You laughed.

“JamesDoesMining.”

You burst out laughing, and he did as well. “Don’t even bring it up to him, he will try to defend himself.”

You leaned up and pecked his lips, “I won’t. Can you grab the mugs?”

He nodded, leaving the hug to grab two mugs while you turned off the stove, taking the ladle and pouring you and Wilbur’s cups of hot chocolate.

You both headed upstairs, getting cozy and preparing for a calm night of gaming and being together.

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