#Like I like them and they're lovely but am I attracted to them?
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ippipo · 12 hours ago
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self aware caleb? yummy
part 1
you were in deep concentration when you heard a grunt coming from your phone while studying with caleb. he was staring at you from the phone, which you assumed was a glitch in the game.
"caleb, honey, if you make sounds like that just as i finally concentrate i swear to god i'll throw you across the room," you threaten him playfully, totally unaware that he understood every word that you said.
you return to focusing on your textbook, trying to regain the ability to pay complete attention to it. his eyebrows pinch together. who was this girl, and why was he seeing her? he was unaware if you were danger or not, you did just threaten him.
he waited until he heard a ding, watching you sigh. "finally, i finished studying. let's get me some food," you speak to him, confusing him even more. "who are you?" he asks, his tone was cautious.
"what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck?" you panic. you stare in all directions, blissfully ignorant to the device in your hand. you finally looked at your phone and caleb is closer to the screen now. "nah, i must be dreaming," you snicker and go to the kitchen.
he was annoyed now. "no, you are not," he confirms your suspicion. "caleb? what the fuck?"
"yeah, that's my name. who are you and why am I able to see you?" he asks you with more aggression this time. you read stories about these things but never really imagined them to happen. and you did what you thought you would do while reading them instead of freaking out. explain to him your world, of course. but you were so close to pissing your pants, partly from excitement. but this was a dream come true, were you really gonna waste it on some stupid sense of fear?
"this is gonna take a while, buddy. you might wanna sit down for this," you say with a sigh, motioning him to sit down.
you told him about your world, and how magic and superpowers don't exist and how he was in a game. it took you about an hour. he was attentive, listening to every word you were saying, not taking his eyes off of you.
"so....to summarise it up, i'm an otome game character and that girl from my childhood is not real either. just not aware?" he asks, you nod. "the creators are so cruel, man. why would they make a cool guy like me go through that?" he remarks, a grin etched onto his face despite the sadness behind that statement.
"i don't feel anything towards her now, though," he states while scratching his nape, feeling lost. "i guess you aren't my love interest anymore, aw." he remained quiet at that statement, wondering what happens now. sure, he was attracted to the person he was talking with right now. but wouldn't it end tragically if he were to fall for you?
pushing those thoughts aside, he was curious about the real world, "how are the people there?" he asks you. "they're......cruel. but the people around me now are pretty alright, i don't go out much because i prefer staying at home," you reply.
"cruel? how so?" he questions, unconvinced with your answer. he was expecting the world to be better, without deception and unfortunate circumstances. "for starters, women here are still struggling, being treated disgustingly, racism is more prevalent than ever, the nazis are somewhat back, some orange white capitalist dude is ruining an already ruined country, and everyone's suffering," you finally take a breath.
you watch caleb's conflicted expression, regretting info-dumping on him so much. "so it's the same like here," he trails off. "it's still as shitty as here," he completes.
"don't think so, your world seems slightly better. i think i would be scared of walking alone at night because of wanderers instead of men," you state. he felt bad for you, and a familiar protective feeling resurfaces, the one he was conditioned to feel for the girl in the game now felt for you.
it was weird how he no longer recognized whoever that was. "i feel like i know you more than the character in here," he confesses. "well, she's basically me. although the personality is different, her name and stuff is basically mine."
caleb sighs in relief. it brought him some comfort knowing you were controlling it, not him involuntarily falling for someone he didn't know consciously.
"this sucks, i would rather be there with you," he reveals. he probably didn't know that made your heart flutter just a teeny tiny bit. just a little bit. "don't say stuff like that," you warn him. "hm? why?"
"i've read stories like this and they always end painfully. you'll start wanting to be with me because of my amazing gorgeous personality and eventually we'll do the boom boom pow online. suddenly you'll wanna do it with me, then you'll visit me and you'll have to choose between that world or this world. then you'll realize this world sucks and you'll have to give up our love. you'll go along with the mc and i'll end up missing that ding-a-ling," a shit-eating grin made its way onto your face. you felt proud of yourself.
he suddenly starts laughing at the way you worded the whole thing. "you're really something," he says making you snort. "i won't fall in love with you, i'm not that dumb," he states. you ignore the soft clench in your heart.
"are you sure you can resist all this, baby?" you flip your hair and wink at him. he rubs his ears to hide the redness, which was an unusual movement because his character never did that.
"positive, baby," he flirts back. it was your time to blush now. you clear your throat in embarrassment, "wanna see me cook?" you look at him hopefully, wanting to show off your skills. "i'll cook along too," he says.
he moves to his kitchen, the view to you was like as if you were on a video call. the screen showing you things in the game you wouldn't normally be able to see.
you hear a knock on your front door. "hey, lemme just check that and come back," you tell him before going to the door. your neighbour wanted some salad dressing. he was a fairly tall, good looking guy. he was married though, and he carried his ring around everywhere.
caleb watches the stranger waltz into your kitchen. his brows furrow in discontent. he didn't like the idea of you letting in another man into your house. he pinches himself and finally snaps out of it. 'you just met her properly for the first time, loser. control.'
the neighbour thankfully doesn't notice the animated but realistic man on your phone glaring at him. "thanks," the man smiles at you and leaves your house. "who was that?" caleb finally asks the question he was itching to ask. "my neighbour, he's making salad for his husband," you casually mention, unaware of the relief he felt. he was married, perfect.
you turn your back towards the camera and bend down to pick up a spoon that fell earlier. your ass on full display to him, well, not exactly, you had some shorts on. you didn't realize it, despite being an incredibly self-aware person. but caleb got the biggest loser boner ever.
he shifts in his place uncomfortably. "caleb, are you okay?" you ask with concern. "yes, great actually," he skillfully covers it up with a cough. "just getting used to not following a script."
this was gonna take a while.
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ajltheavacado · 3 days ago
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✨️ Nezel and Fuegoleon being cuties ✨️
**Nezel is my OC**
I want to point out, that since they were kids, Fuegoleon has called Nezel by Nez, and Nezel calls Fuegoleon by Fuego
And he is painfully aware of her feelings in these scenarios and for the sake of cuteness, he feels the same.
@yellowgreendinno <- You inspired me :)
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Nozel: why did you wanna join this captain's meeting, sister?
Nezel: *shrugs* no reason
*Fuegoleon walks in and sits next to them*
Fuegoleon: Oh, hi Nez :)
Nezel: *smiling like a fool* O/////O H-Hi Fuego
Nozel: *glaring*
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Fuegoleon: Hm, what are you doing here, Nez?
Nezel: I.. Uhm.. h-here.. *puts out flowers*
Fuegoleon: for me? That's quite sweet of you
Nezel: o////o *runs away*
Fuegoleon: *chuckling* Bye, Nez!
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Nezel: So.. how's your love life going?
Fuegoleon: dead and burried, why?
Nezel:
Fuegoleon:
Nezel: *squeaking* N-no reason
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Nebra: ugh, Nezel is so painfully into Fuegoleon
Solid: I know, right? It's so obvious
Nebra: A Silva in love with a Vermillion.. how embarssing
Solid: oh shit they're walking by-
Nezel: *glaring*
Fuegoleon: *takes her hand* Ignore them, darling
Nezel: O////O h-huh?
Fuegoleon: *glares* you'd do best to watch your mouth, especially when it comes to my girlfriend
Nezel: *coughing* G-GIRLFRIEND?
Nebra:
Solid:
Nebra: invite us to the wedding
Solid: took you long enough
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Fuegoleon: Nez, are you attracted to me?
Nezel: *sputtering* I-I-I h-huh?!
Fuegoleon: You heard me. Well? Are you?
Nezel: I-I suppose you're not bad looking.. for a Vermillion..
Fuegoleon: Well, you're pretty easy on the eyes yourself.. for a Silva
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
Fuegoleon: Nozel, I want to marry your sister. May I have your blessing?
Nozel: Absolutely not.
Fuegoleon: Well, I already got the ring so..
Nozel: Marry her, and I'll give you Mercury Poisoning
Fuegoleon: awww.. try that and I'll burn you to ashes
Nozel: I do not give you my blessing, that is final
Fuegoleon: Well, I was asking to be respectful, however, I am gonna marry her anyways.
Nozel:
Fuegoleon:
Nozel:
Fuegoleon: I'm gonna start running now
Nozel: good plan *lunges*
Fuegoleon: AAAaaaaAaaa! *runs away*
♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡
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ginho001 · 2 days ago
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YAYYYYY I LOVE ALL OF YOUR INHUN HEADCANONS 🤍🤍🤍🤍 I especially love reading the cute traits and habits they have. And of course the omegaverse 👀 is a big treat, I loved it a whole lot thank youuuu. Hell yes to the gihussy and 💦
Now talk to me about how they feel about each other, how they act when they're together, date ideas, things they love doing for each other, and... sexytimes 👀
anon ur lowk my best friend. i'll share my personal hcs below, but before I just wanna plug this fic that in my mind is the closest manifestation to how I believe the two would interact. this author is amazing and every fic they've written for 457 is ART and if you're looking for a great read, this is it pookie ong ong
ANYWAYS ok ok lemme spit (go read it tho if you haven't already on GOD)
starting off with gi-hun, in my mind he's very demure when it comes to the relationship. behind closed doors he likes the domesticity, physicality and romantic gestures. REASONING BEING: i firmly believe gi-hun never would have married if not for societal and familial pressure, now whether or not its bc he's gay or not (i'm personally on the fence abt that) is up to y'alls discretion. but back to the original point: he had a very idealized view of marriage until he actually got married, and something broke inside him when his marriage failed, and in-ho knows that to some degree. I imagine on valentines or some other holiday, they're just sitting in the bedroom together in the dark, and gi-hun quietly divulges he used to do big romantic gestures like this with his wife, even when he didn't have a lot to offer until things got bad in the end, and it makes him SO tender and sensitive in private, let alone in public. HOWEVER i believe this only applies to gi-hun in korea. When they go on vacation or end up going to the US, he's much more comfortable with hand holding and displaying his ring on his finger instead of keeping it on a chain around his neck like he did in korea. THAT BEING SAID. he loves in-ho. in a deeper way than he loved his wife, and he knows it. the trust is deeper, and he's true to himself, which is something that he could never do before without being shamed for how pitiful he was. in-ho accepts him in that pitifulness an out and he loves him for it. the attraction to how handsome he is and his cute little mannerisms come after.
HOLY FUCK THAT WAS LONG WINDED SORRY
on the smaller side, gi-hun really likes in-ho's hair. i think he misses when his was longer, so he's always mussing it up with his fingers.
when not in peril, gi-hun (surprisingly) loves when in-ho makes his shitty dad jokes. he likes that he can laugh with him, feels freer when he does. he knows that between them there is nothing pre-conceived, they know the worst of each other, and gi-hun looks forward to the times coming where they learn the best.
gi-hun can't cook for shit, so he splurges on expensive pastries sometimes, as he learns in-ho has a sweet tooth.
like i was talking about previous, in korea their dates aren't elaborate, they are just colleagues or friends going out to dinner, celebrating something or other with drinks. however when they head to Thailand or the US or wherever else they decide, they do old men shit. sorry, still not that elaborate. they just go on strolls, go sight-seeing, birdwatching, etc. occasionally they get gussied up in purdy suits and go into high rise sugar daddy restaurants, but primarily they are doing old man shit outside of when they are fucking. they smooch and hold hands gayly tho ofc
because i am a generic loser, i side with the "in-ho is obsessed w gi-hun" camp bc a) its true and b) its true so.
i think in-ho's obsession to some degree is fueled by his guilt. we know from HDH he still has some belief deep down that gi-hun is right, and hopes he can prove him wrong in the long run. Thus, his obsession comes from watching every micro-fucking-movement he makes and hyper analyzing like a doofus. he doesn't realize until there's a little bit of separation that there was actually a decent chunk of his hyperfixation that was actually just into him lowkey. gi-hun is different from his late wife in nearly every way save the fucking. stubbornness. hard angles and naivety, but beautiful in his humanity, something in-ho lost when his wife died. he falls in love because gi-hun has enough humanity for both of them, in spite of everything. he brings him back to the simple, past the whiskey and jazz in his sterile habitat back to the noise, something he didn't know he missed.
in-ho likes doing romantic things. bouquets, expensive cufflinks, decorating the kitchen with shitty streamers on holidays, bringing breakfast in bed. at first gi-hun was very "no, no, you don't have to" but when in-ho genuinely, unironically pitches a fit about it when gi-hun carries his breakfast in bed to the kitchen to eat at the table, gi-hun lets him. if he's not bringing him breakfast in bed he's making gi-hun a plate but feeding him off of his.
UHHHH NSFW BELOW THE CUT
these 2 have surprisingly high libidos for their age, and this is not to feed my say gex bias guys trust, its because when they r finally away from the games, their bodies aren't in survival mode and r like "oh i can fuck now" so they r getting it on like at the very, VERY least twice a week.
i am a bottom gi-hun truther. i personally don't see in-ho being willing to offer himself sexually in that way (as in reamed in the ass), which works out well for them because gi-hun gets a lot more out of it bottoming, aka the vulnerability and closeness. he likes when in-ho is right in his face during missionary, sweating and chewing on his lip because at first he is so, so scared of hurting him. they eventually figure out their groove, and gi-hun comes to find out in-ho has a spit-thing. at first he thinks it's a biting kink, but then it starts getting into spit as lube territory, or just sucking all on his neck not even to leave marks necessarily, just to see the sheen on his skin. gi-hun is less embarrassed about the times he accidentally drools thanks to that
they don't be going crazy in any positions bc old men, and in-ho's shoulder is probably fucked up from getting shot, so they're pretty generic. it takes them a wile to figure out gi-hun is flexible for no fucking reason. just one night they fucking missionary, in-ho grabs the thighs, overbalances and BOOM gi-hun's knees are bracketing his fucking head like no problem. ended up being a wobbly-leg kinda night for the both of em
gi-hun is a talker during sex. he's always asking if in-ho feels good, exclaiming his own satisfaction, etc etc. in-ho talks too, but sparingly because he doesn't want to lose control and start grunting and huffing like a wild animal. it still happens every so often though, because c'mon who wouldn't lose their shit if all the sudden you find out you can basically bend your hubby like a pretzel.
sometimes though they'll be tired as fuck but still have a libido, those times they just kinda spoon and hump, not really worried about the mess so much. those are the nights they'll talk real affectionate to eachother, and fiddle with their rings after bc they are married idc what u say.
OK MAYBE i'll share some abo stuff later as bonus, but this is already SO MUCH LONGER than i meant it to be so I will bid y'all adieu.
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rockybloo · 17 hours ago
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I feel like bitchin so I'mma bitch bc I always see people going on rants on their Tumblrs and I'm long overdue for one. Anyways, this is a long one so be aware you are gonna be scrolling for a good bit if you view under the cut.
ANYWAYS, I know that that rude anon from last week is old news but their whole "I'm sad that Glitter and Guilt is a m/f relationship" thing is just a part of a never ending situation I am going to experience til the end of time (or til I stop posting stuff online) just because I focus on primarily m/f relationships in my art.
And they aren't even straight m/f relationships, which is what annoys me the most about comments like this. They're all bisexual. But because people see bisexual characters as better than straight but less than same-sex attracted orientation, I will always have to deal with these passive aggressive ass comments.
I dealt with this typa stuff SO OFTEN in my early days on Instagram, especially when I posted some of my gender nonconforming OCs like Danny (my pink demon man who dresses like a bimbo Barbie doll). It got to the point I stopped sharing him over there for a bit because I would get comments where people were hoping he had a boyfriend in the past, or they were disappointed I "never" drew any Sapphic couples because they mistook Danny as a woman in a pic where he was kissing Karrie.
And I get the whole desire to want more representation. Trust me, I'm bi, black, and nonbinary. I am NEVER going to get any type of representation outside of the indie artists I find in small niche circles online. I completely get the whole "m/f relationships are EVERYWHERE in mainstream media" mentality because I also agree but only to a point.
There's a ton of trashy m/f media, but there's also good shit when you dig because you can find people who don't just shove a guy and girl together and call that a done deal - they actually give them personality and chemistry and a fun dynamic.
I'm a firm believer that the gender of a ship shouldn't dictate if it's good or not. An interesting dynamic is what motivates me to care about a couple of characters dating. That's why it bugs me whenever someone suggests any kind of series to me and simply tells me "It's gay" before telling me the actual plotline. I WANT TO KNOW WHAT A SERIES IS ABOUT! DO NOT WASTE MY TIME!!! (Please do not pop into my inbox after reading this and suggest me stuff btw because I've never been a big suggestions unprompted person - I typically find stuff myself bc I have weird tastes ANYWAYS BACK TO MY RANTING)
When it comes to my art, I draw m/f relationships as a primary focus because it's fun to mess with gender dynamics and flip them on their head, as well as to give younger me the food I wish I had. Growing up, before I realized I was nonbinary, I rarely saw any black girls in loving relationships in animated series I enjoyed. And occasionally I would get flash banged with the long despised trope of "Disposable Black Girlfriend". So I never felt like m/f relationships were oversaturated in my eyes because there were barely any good ones that featured a black girl with a happy ending - which means from DAY MOTHERFUCKIN ONE I was starving for content.
So that obviously means that when I grew up and adopted my "Make your own food" mentality, I started cooking. AND COOK I STILL DO! Because in the end, I make all this food to please myself. OTHERS MAY EAT OF COURSE - I am always happy when people come to my restaurant to dine because they enjoy my meals, but I hate how every blue moon I will get someone who waltzes into my little eatery and tells me that they wish I cooked the meal they get from other restaurants.
Because it would be so much more productive to just go eat AT those restaurants since they already got the food you like.
Having people comment their displeasure about me drawing a guy and a girl together in a healthy (and occasionally insane) relationship is always baffling to me. It's never going to make me stop, it'll only make me draw more Red Beans or more Licorice. It's also so baffling because I know that if the tables where flipped - and I was drawing primarily same-sex bisexual couples (OR JUST SOME GAY OR LESBIAN COUPLES IN GENERAL BECAUSE SOME PEOPLE JUST DON'T CARE ABOUT BI FOLKS AT ALL), it would be so fuckin' frowned upon to comment "I wish you drew more m/f! 🥺"
But because I draw m/f bi couples, it's totally free game. IT'S DEF STILL FROWNED UPON but one is way more likely to make you look like an asshole than the other. Because even in cases where people have said they agree it's a dick move to complain about m/f from me, there's still that vibe of it being more acceptable just because of mainstream media having so many m/f couples and that being the standard of offline society.
But I'm not mainstream media. And I disagree with a lot of standards of offline society which is WHY I poke fun at gender norms with my OCs.
That's why getting a ton of new followers is such a "oh boy here we go" thing for me, because with old followers that have been around for awhile, they know what's up. They understand what I draw, what I write, and how my OCs typically behave. They get that my m/f ships have rabies.
But new followers don't know this. And this has led to some real big "OOF" moments. Like people calling Jack and Nana a "het" couple. Yes, I know that that's a term that doesn't JUST mean "heterosexual" and can refer to them being different genders. It still feels hella weird for me - it's why m/f is my preferred descriptor because it lacks that confusion.
New followers are typically the ones that leave the passive aggressive comments about me mostly drawing m/f. OFTEN because they think I am one of those artists who will draw whatever it takes to please my audience. BUT I AM NOT - THERE IS NO AUDIENCE INFLUENCE HERE ☝🏾
I am not a taxi where I pick people up whenever they call me and I drop them off wherever they tell me.
I am a roller-coaster. Specifically those ones where you can see the entire track layout in the distance so you know what you're in for. You may sit in the front or the back or somewhere in the middle but that is the last input you got before I take off at my own speed (that will be stated RIGHT on the warning sign you read as you walked in) and once I am done, you may get off and carry along your merry way through the rest of the park OR you may get on to ride again.
This entire passive aggression towards m/f ships is just so tiring to deal with because there will never be an end to it. Even after I post this, I know days, weeks, months, YEARS down the line - someone will see some Jack and Nana art, or some Bitterbat and Sweetheart comic, or ANY of my other m/f couples, and type up some comment about how they wish the couples were same-sex. Or someone will lament over the fact they thought a couple was same-sex but it turned out the dude was just hella feminine.
Because it just ain't enough to have bisexual characters that are dating the same sex because then people will call them "straight passing" and not count them as being queer. And having all my OCs being bisexuals ain't enough to mark me as a queer artists in some eyes because "making all your OCs bi is just lazy" and not me representing an aspect of myself that I constantly see sidelined online.
Me drawing bisexual m/f couples is viewed as something that can be tinkered and tampered with so I can be more appealing and inclusive to others like I'm some mainstream Hollywood series and not just some random person online who draw the fictional beings in my mind kissing each other whenever I got the crumb of free time. Primarily drawing m/f couples means I gotta just vibe whenever I see a moot or a friend post or reblog some weird sentiment referring to how lame m/f couples are and I just gotta HOPE that they aren't including bisexuals when they engage with stuff like that.
I'm in this weird space where I am wedged between "You're not a straight artist" and "You aren't drawing enough gay stuff" online.
And I'm fine with this since I've been online for over a decade at this point. This isn't a vent post, this is a rant. I don't need cheering up or comfort after posting this. This is just some real talk because I typically post lighthearted stuff since I like to keep my blogs positive.
But I also like to keep my shit honest and I think it's important to just state a piece of my mind. I wouldn't say I'm being vulnerable, this is just some insight to why I draw what I do and why I get so annoyed by certain interactions with people and certain sentiments online that are antagonistic of m/f ships that put them all down without hearing them out.
Blah blah blah I'm tired of typing and I've said most of the main points I've needed uuuummm
If you read this long have some m/f fluff
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
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transfemme-shelterdog · 1 day ago
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Gonna just come right out and say it, TRFs target us pooners/theyfabs because it's easier to get revenge on The Man when "The Man" is just vulnerable minorities who're already oppressed by the patriarchy ("seen but never heard") into staying silent when under attack. They don't give a fuck about actually changing or abolishing any systems, they just want to redirect their anger on people they believe won't fight back.
It's the exact same punching down so many assholes did to asexuals back in the day, all based around the idea that they are "BASICALLY cishet". They've decided that we are "close enough" to the systems that ACTUALLY oppress them, hence it's satisfying to bully us–but not anywhere near as dangerous or demanding. As soon as tumblr took a turn and "inclusionism" became normalized, the plethora of aggressive exclusionists all seemed to disappear. Strange; it's almost like they're specifically targeting whoever has less social support, and is therefore more vulnerable...
They're just desperate to be unapologetic bullies. They don't give a fuck about feminism or queer people. I'm so sick of them LARPing as Feminist Martyrs, just as TERFs do.
P.S. "Transandrobros are a psy-op designed to detransition transmascs" as if TRFs have ever demonstrated the idea that they DON'T want transmascs to detransition/commit suicide? They've "joked" about committing genocide against us and forcibly detransitioning us all on multiple occasions...
(sorry for spamming you with anons lately ^^;........)
Oh no need to be sorry Anon, I love making conversation and getting messages in my inbox ♡
I totally agree, it definitely seems like they're just attacking whatever men they think will be the least likely to push back, and have people ignore. It allows them to keep getting away with their bigotry, and hate. It's really gross and tragic, to say the least.
That's one of the reasons why I am so adamant about speaking up for trans men, is because they're harmed and abused, and nobody says anything about it. It's honestly heart breaking and I'm trying to leverage my power as a trans woman to get other trans women to listen up.
It's also funny that they say that I want to "detrans the transmascs" when I have a huge thing for forcemasc and have always found the changes that happen on T incredibly attractive. Hell, I post about tdick way too much, and you're not gonna get tdick without transitioning.
Just more proof these TRFs don't listen to transmasc allies such as myself.
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peacedreamlove · 1 year ago
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Its questioning all my life decisions and wondering what I really want in life hour
Anyone want to change their name and flee to the country side and start an alpaca farm with me?
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many-gay-magpies · 7 months ago
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god what really gets me about dead boy detectives and what i think i love so much about the show and the relationships in it is that like. the romantic and sexual relationships aren't portrayed as being more unique or important than the platonic relationships. they're all just RELATIONSHIPS.
charles and crystal's attraction to each other and eventual hookup isn't this big end-all be-all relationship that shatter charles and edwin's friendship and draws charles' attention away from edwin; it's just a THING that happens. they're just two people that care about each other and happen to also be attracted to each other, and a hook-up happens, then they decide that neither of them are in the right place for it and it's nothing awful. crystal kisses charles, but it isn't some big spectacle of her declaring her love for him; it's just her saying goodbye and that she cares about him, like her hugs with niko and jenny and her handshake with edwin.
edwin realizes he loves charles romantically and tells him, and charles says he doesn't really love edwin romantically BACK, but it's okay, because they still love each other so much in so many other ways that this one tiny difference could never change them—and it doesn't!! they're still just as close, still care for each other just as much, still SHOW that care for each other just as much. their relationship didn't completely end because edwin loved charles in a way charles couldn't reciprocate, but at the same time it isn't "solved" by edwin getting over it, because there's nothing TO solve. it's just another type of love, added to everything that already exists between them. and they have LITERALLY FOREVER to figure out what it means.
the relationships between edwin & niko, crystal & niko, and crystal & edwin aren't given any less weight for being solely platonic, just as charles & crystal's relationship and edwin's feelings for charles aren't given (that much) MORE weight for being romantic. crystal and charles' conflict in the closet is about EDWIN, about how they're BOTH his friend and BOTH want to get him back; it has very little to do with the feelings between THEM, romantic or otherwise. similarly, the weight of charles' and edwin's relationship isn't diminished in the LEAST by charles not reciprocating the romantic side of his feelings (or SAYING he doesn't reciprocate, at least—we can all argue about the legitimacy of that in the notes).
i'm sure there are more examples than this, as well as probably some examples that CONTRADICT this, but like... by and large, it feels like dead boy detectives is a show where all the relationships are given equal weight regardless of platonic, sexual, romantic, or familial status, and as someone on both the asexual and aromantic spectrums who has struggled time and time again with shows casting out the importance of all other relationships in favor of prioritizing romance, that is INCREDIBLY refreshing to see.
#this might be a lot of run-on sentences and me repeating itself because its 2 am rn (sidenote how the HELL did it get that late last i chec#-ed it was like 11???) but i hope u enjoy anyway 👍#magpie thoughts#dead boy detectives#ik before watching the show i saw a lot of people were annoyed by charles and crystal's relationship and thought it felt forced and like#-​they had no romantic chemistry#but honestly. having watched the show. i don't see that at all?#like maybe it's just me being aspec and not getting what ''romantic chemistry'' even IS but like. they were people. they were two fucked up#-people that happened to be attracted to each other and they hooked up when both of them were in low places and agreed to not go any furthe#-after. but beyond all of that they are FRIENDS and they STAY friends and like. they just felt like PEOPLE#the way they were written and the way the actors ACTED IT felt like ten times better to me than the dozens of pinacle romances i've seen in#-other tv shows#(and also i gotta say i love the other CASUALNESS with which sex was mentioned in the early episodes. it wasnt made out to be this big thin#-that only happens when tied to romance; it was just a THING. theyre both hot and in different circumstances they totally would have had se#-about it (and eventually they did but thats besides the point). that's it)#they're people. this is a show full of ghosts and demons and witches and crows-turned-into-boys but they are all fundamentally just PEOPLE#beautiful and fucked up human beings that feel attraction and hurt and fear and love in a million different ways.#AUGH i love this show so much#paineland#payneland#crystal palace#charles rowland#edwin payne#niko sasaki#dead boy detective netflix#dbda
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spocks-kaathyra · 1 year ago
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"ur repressed" okay well have u even considered that emotions r purposeless and only serve to cause harm to those around u and I have achieved a unique transcendent state beyond them. have u considered that
#joking but like. am I wrong though#yeah no one is able to overcome the inherent human flaw of emotion and anyone who thinks they can is in fact mentally unwell#except for me I'm built different I have actually managed to transcend emotion. this is a good thing and not a problem#I saw my father's anger and my mother's discontent and my brother's self loathing and my friend's yearning.#and I saw how it only made everyone more unhappy. and I decided I would be above them all and never let my emotions rule me.#I was scared of the dark until I realized that fear wasn't useful to feel. so I stopped feeling it#this is a good thing and I am a paragon of mental health I think#mmm alternatively I was made to play mediator in a family of traumatized ppl and learned to repress my emotions to the point of dysfunction#but I prefer to think I'm enlightened and have no problems. this is fine and will not blow up in my face#anyways. just now realizing that this might stem from my childhood. oops#also realizing that I'm probably not aro and I just learned to turn off romantic attraction bc I saw how miserable it made my friend??#well. I still don't experience romantic attraction. but probably I should and I will if I ever sort out this repression thing. whoopsie#really she was ready to kill herself over some white guy and I looked at that and was like. nope. I'm never stooping to that level#mm might not help that my parents never loved each other and I never had a healthy romantic relationship modeled for me as a child#but still like really like what is the point. of having emotions. they're just not useful#oh hurr durr I'm angry at my friends for talking over a tv show. there is no way to act on this without damaging ppl and relationships#ohh I'm in love with this guy who will never love me back. THERE IS NO PRODUCTIVE WAY TO ACT ON THIS#literally emotions can only be destructive and I'm a better person for opting out of them#there are no downsides to being repressed! I can still feel positive emotions. I'm happy sometimes. sometimes I'm excited. it's fine#guy who is Unpacking Things live on ur dash. sorry#narcissus's echoes#vent
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moe-broey · 9 months ago
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When it comes to horny art esp in FEH like. I'm always split between "I don't wanna be sex negative and prudish that's stupid" and "Okay but there IS a misogyny problem (specifically about how female characters are portrayed/treated)" and "I'm Sorry Women (I do like huge titties and stupid slutty outfits)" and "I'm a huge anatomy nerd and what's pissing me off the most are the shit proportions here actually"
^ This user is on the asexuality spectrum.
#i don't wanna start discourse about it LMFAOOO it's just. the motions i am constantly going through#i think there is a difference between official artwork that is essentially a product being sold to you#vs independent artists who regardless of it they're selling their art. somehow there's a difference there#like i think horny/fetish art is so fucking important and worth protecting/going to bat for#esp the joker voice Society. cannot fucking take myself seriously LMFAOO BUT#idk idk. head empty. there's probably something there though.#i'm just stuck on an endless loop about it whenever something like a loki incident happens LMFAOOOO#that said though if any feh artist gives sharena an extremely sexualized alt i WILL have to kill them in cold blood.#and then the loop keeps fucking going like. it needs to be tasteful. she can be attractive. but it needs to be tasteful#and then the loop KEEPS GOING. like ohhh are you adsigning morality to art?? I DON'T THINK SO?????#i'm just devastingly demisexual about everything like. i love loki's new alt bc all things considered#it suits her. you can argue about the merit of Creating A Chara like her. but like. grah another endless loop#but it would NOT suit sharena#she would be SO uncomfortable. she would probably be found in the bathroom crying about it.#and then there's more complicated situations like plumeria.#i think her ny alt suits her v well. she is the elegant type. i am going to kill whoever made her summer alt.#and that's coming from a guy who's FAVORITE ALTS. ARE THE SUMMER ALTS#idk idk. i am incomprehensible even to myself.
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depresseddepot · 1 year ago
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trying to determine which parts of my relationship with sex are asexuality, which are trauma, and which are autism is like trying to have a conversation with three people talking loudly and all at once
#just to be clear: asexuality as a result of trauma or neurodivergency is still asexuality. full stop no debate.#anyway because i love oversharing on tumblr dot com: feeling very sex repulsed on this day#i was joking with some guy about fighting each other (specifically said ''you ever fight a girl over 200 lbs? id break your ribs'')#and like three different people said something like ''well that would probably turn him on''#and. listen. i get it. that was a joke response to my joke threat#but what i felt in that moment and still feel now requires nothing short of academic study to understand#first of all: how dare they make me feel embarrassed in a social setting when i was doing so well.#secondly: why the fuck would me making a threat make them instantly think of sex#thirdly: how fucked up is my body image that i hear that and immediately think they're all out of their minds#i like fat women. i am personally attracted to fat women. not (usually) sexually but i do think they are very nice to look at#so why is it so hard for me to accept that someone else could find me attractive as well !#i think about being in a situation where a relationship and/or sex is a real possibility and i flinch like its going to hurt me#but why???? where is this aversion coming from !!!!! i am a hopeless romantic i daydream about romance all the time#so whats the deal here. is it subconscious bc of my asexuality and i associate romance with sex?#is it because of my autism where i associate romance with touch and am afraid i am too unempathetic to have a chance?#or (most likely) is it just because im so fucking scared of trusting someone that even the thought makes me nauseous#did this all crop up from a throwaway sex joke? yes#but people don't make sex jokes to me. people don't even pretend to allude to me being cute#this same group of people said a few weeks ago ''at least you're pretty''#which. is not the case!!!!!!! people do not say those things to me because they don't want to even slightly entertain that idea !!!!!!!#and i am extremely tired of having my life upended because of this#i have always been treated like i was ugly and teased about it and i FINALLY have managed to be okay with not being attractive#and now that im okay with it: NOW is when the pretty jokes start. im fucking angry about it actually#i can't be both. i cannot think of myself in terms that abstract. i am one or the other#and this leads me to believe that people think i COULD be pretty. but the catalyst is that i am fat and therefore cannot be attractive#which just makes me more angry!!!!!!!!!!!#how can i be completely indifferent to sex and attraction without seeming juvenile. i don't care so so much#but every time that sort of thing happens i feel like im 13 again and the hot jock is talking to me#i need to be put down. something's wrong with this one (me)#i realize i can't stop people from making sex or appearance jokes but god i wish i fucking could
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earl-grey-love · 5 months ago
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I got afflicted with thoughts last night and thought what if there was an L.A N.oi.re AU with my current ships. It doesn't work of course, but I thought about it anyway, and I realised I can categorize my f/os based on if they're Cole or Jack coded. New genders dropped is he Cole/Ph.elp.s or Jack/K.els.o?
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roamthefarlands · 6 months ago
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help im having the ysayle thoughts again
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musical-chick-13 · 1 year ago
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Fandom be normal about bi women challenge (impossible. apparently.)
#look. I too am tired of (white) men getting praised for the bare minimum#but you all do realize that sometimes women do genuinely fall in love with men right#that women are capable of making their own decisions about who they date right#this is one of the reasons that I hate the 'genuinely I hate every single individual man' rhetoric#because so many times it goes hand in hand with this infantilization of women who are attracted to men#it's like 'oh these poor girls trapped in their attraction to men' and then like...treating them as if they are incapable of making informe#choices? like they're just inherently doomed to gravitate toward awful men because they Don't Know Any Better and are#Brainwashed By Society??? please tell me you understand why treating women as if they are too stupid to make their own decisions#is just misogyny again. you understand that right. RIGHT.#'why would you CHOOSE to date a man instead of doing the RESPONSIBLE and PROGRESSIVE and REVOLUTIONARY thing and date a woman!'#because sometimes. women fall in love with men. you can't. you can't will love into existence. you can't control who you fall in love with.#and people-if it's feasible-tend to want to commit to someone they have actual feelings for. what's not clicking here.#(and yes obviously this is a niche-queer-spaces-specific problem people don't have discourse about this in this way irl like the#general population isn't telling me I should only ever be attracted to women and date one solely For The Cause they don't want me#to be interested in women at all. that doesn't stop me from being annoyed every time I see said niche-space-specific ''''take'''')#it's especially confusing to me when BISEXUAL PEOPLE are like this about other bisexual people. like you of all people. should know#how maligned we are from multiple conflicting angles#In the Vents#biphobia#like I know I talk SO much about women and how I want to marry one but that genuinely is just because historically I have been more#attracted to women than men. if I meet a man I click with and fall in love with then hell yeah I'm gonna date him and be happy about it.#I'm not opposed to that outcome at all. but heaven forbid I ever say that lmao
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softersinned · 2 years ago
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i'm gonna be real with y'all i do wish there was more backlash to erasing a character's canonical bisexuality than there currently is? like even if you're doing it to write a character as gay it's still shitty. if a character is acknowledged explicitly as bisexual in the text itself and you erase that to write them as "fully gay" as if bisexuality is a half-measure, that's shitty! it really is!
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bat-the-misfit · 2 years ago
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brazilian men 😭😭✌💖💝💟💞♥😍❤💙💜💛💛♥😍💓💖💙💗💝❤💜💝💗💞💚💛♥💕💜💚💙💖❤💚💛😍💜❤💟😍💞💝💘💘💗💝😍💛💛💕💟
#don't mind me i just love men from my country#“but Bat there are some shitty brazilian men” yeah just like every country in the world 👍 i was talking about the good ones only#if you think one country has way more “good” men than other countries and therefore they're “superior” you're kinda dumb tbh#“Bat were you on the subway and saw some cute dudes?” YES HSUAHASHAUSH#sadly none of them noticed me which was kinda of obvious bc i'm not attractive#but the best thing about getting into subways are the chances of seeing handsome dudes 😂#i see so many brazilians complain and claim X country has better men as if all brazilian dudes were shitty and the other countries didn't#have shitty men at all like???? that doesn't even make sense#like do some justice to our country there's so many good men here SO MANY#don't tell me you never had a crush on a brazilian dude growing up 😂 it's impossible#we literally have everything we need here when it comes to men we should be thankful#our men are great and i'll defend them till i die 👍#bc i'm not only a boyliker i'm a brazilian boyliker#they'll always be my favorites#not to be patriotic 😂#can you tell i like men? lmao#like yeah i watch many foreign things and there are many gringos who are handsome as hell but...#the fact they'd never really understand me in a cultural way and therefore not understand a part of who i am as a person#and might not even want to understand my culture as well it's just... ugh#anyway shout out to my favorite brazilian boy: the boy from my icon and header!!!#“damn Bat you really had to mention him right? 😩” yes he's been my fave boy since i was 6#he's the best brazilian boy for real#“who said that Bat?” ME I SAID IT AND IF I SAID IT I'M RIGHT#DO CONTRA BEST BOY ALWAYS
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angorwhosebabyisthis · 2 years ago
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five is gay and arospec thank you for coming to my ted talk
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