#Like I like them and they're lovely but am I attracted to them?

[doberbutts]

A collection of responses from my cishet men post:

"But cishet women do that too"

Yes I am aware and in fact have expressed the same negative opinion regarding it, largely "are the straights okay???"- and personally I think the behavior acts are a reinforcer of the patriarchy and the cishet women who do this are effectively shooting themselves in the foot.

"But gay men do that too"

Yes I am aware as someone who dates gay men and in fact have expressed the same negative opinion regarding it- but I also think femmephobia while fueled and caused by misogyny is coming from a different place than the misogyny cishet men display towards the women they're attracted to, and is more a bid for acceptance from cishet people in a homophobic world than from a place of actual power. That doesn't make it right, but I do think it's a bit different.

"Not all cishet men"

Yes I am aware as someone who has cishet men number among my friends- these men also express bafflement and disgust at the actions and worldviews I am complaining about because they love their partners very dearly and would never act like so much a jerk towards them.

"This is just misogyny"

Yes I know. I am calling it misogyny. I am using my position as a man to call out misogyny in my fellow men. I am saying these guys suck because they are being misogynists.

"Finally a man has noticed what women have been saying"

Deeply unnecessary. Do you want men to correct other men when they see bad behavior, or not? You can't tell dudes to come collect their mess and then deride them when they do so.

"I also would break up with someone if she took pictures of her lattes or dyed her hair pink"

Unfunny trolling and tar pit ass behavior. Fuck you.

"#yesallwomen"

This is a radfem phrase and I WILL fling you into the sun for it, so help me.

-

To the rest of you who understood what I was saying and actually engaged critically- thank you. Didn't expect that post to get 13k in a couple days but here we are. Mostly I was just expressing frustration because I've heard multiple people reference it in my day to day, offline, life and am sick of it. I can't imagine being such a turd as to so objectively hate the person I'm attracted to. But misogyny really does give you brain worms.

[ghouljams]

Idk honestly I could probably write a really in depth analysis on the prevalence of the blue/brown eyed Ghost debate, and what it means in terms of fandom politics especially when coupled with whether Ghost is a natural blond or a brunet, but I doubt anyone wants to hear about the political implications of people pushing most popular character in the series as aryan...

well, i for one would absolutely love to hear about it, but to be fair my degree is in media studies so fork found in kitchen

but tbh is it surprising that this kind of discourse (along with the whole Gaz “not being interesting enough” bs) is a prevalent discussion in a military propaganda game fandom? probably not lol

i also agree with your take that his eyes are brown as part of his character development and that it feeds into the complexity of the dynamics between them

anyway, don’t feel pressured to talk more about it if you don’t feel like it, just wanted to let you know that at least one person would read all of it lol

Much love!!

- Morph

Ghoul thoughts under the cut because I love media analysis and rambling

You hit the nail on the head by bringing up the Gaz "not being interesting" bullshit in relation to this entire thing because I absolutely see the crux of the brown vs blue eyed Ghost debate being a debate over which eye color is "better" which has inherently racist roots.

And as an immediate disclaimer: I am not saying that headcanoning Ghost with blue eyes makes you racist, I am not saying that headcanoning Ghost as blond makes you racist. I am simply pointing out that the way we view certain traits has been and will be filtered through a lens which requires an examination of our own values/beliefs.

It is so intensely interesting to me that in a fandom with a history of racial exclusion, for a media property that upholds whiteness as the pinnacle of virtue, that upholds western ideals and values as the height of moral purity, that places the good guys in a position where they can do NO WRONG despite having a higher torture rate than the bad guys, that a faceless character would be arbitrarily assigned blue eyes and blond hair despite textual/in game evidence to the contrary (yes there is evidence).

Now maybe I am just sensitive to certain things because I paid attention in school and know what a dog whistle sounds like, maybe that's all this is. However, within a fandom that seems to cater so hard to white women and has racist bullshit popping up every other week, I think... maybe we should examine why we want Ghost to have blue eyes.

I find that with faceless characters headcanons always exist within the hopes of making them more attractive. The idea that they would be ugly under the mask is antithetical to the wish fulfilment of fandom, so it makes sense that people would come up with a face for them. But then why are so many faceless characters made into skinny white blonds? Surely people would want some diversity- oh no, wait...

So we make Ghost blond. Alright, I mean he was a brunet in the comics and in the one scene where we see him take his mask off he's got dark hair, but I guess there were too many people with dark hair on the 141 already, so we gotta mix in a blond. But then why the blue eyes? He has blue eyes in the '09 comic, but in every cutscene we see in the '22 remake his eyes are brown. There's already two members of the 141 with blue eyes, so we don't need another one for diversity. So then why give Ghost blue eyes? If you want him to be closer to the '09 version why make him blond as well?

It's because people want to make him attractive, and in the dominant racial zeitgeist blue eyes are attractive. Which... I mean do I need to ask why? It's because they're a white european trait and people still hold white features as the attractive ones. Same with the blond hair. That's why WW2 Germany designated Blond hair and Blue eyes as the "true German" traits and created a whole class for them "aryan."

So what are the political implications of creating an aryan character out of the most popular character in the series (one who has minimal voice lines and minimal canon backstory in the reboot) within a fandom that regularly disregards/ignores the main black character? It's the continued upholding of whiteness and a specific kind of whiteness as more valuable than others. I'm not even going to say more valuable than blackness, I would say more valuable than other white traits. Why are blue eyes more attractive than brown eyes? Because they're more "white." Why is blond hair more attractive than brown? Because it's more "white." Why is a blond haired blue eyed Ghost such a popular headcanon despite evidence to the contrary? Because he's more white that way.

Now I like blond haired Ghost. I think it's an interesting addition to the color pallet of the team, and I like that it makes him look more like a ghost to be so washed out. But I think fandom has a habit of following what becomes popular within head canon spaces and making it fandom canon, and so many of us don't examine why a headcanon might pop up. Where did Ghost having blond hair come from? When did we all decide that was what we were going with? Why is it even a debate whether or not he has blue or brown eyes, and why does it matter?

If I said right now that Ghost 100% in canon of the '22 game has brown hair and brown eyes, would people get mad at me? And why? Why would it matter if he had brown hair and brown eyes? Does that make him less attractive? Why? Why does it matter? Why do you want him to have blond hair and blue eyes? Why do you care? What is the difference between blue and brown that makes it so important? For God's sake look at the societal conditioning that you've been put through! Why does it "make more sense" for him to have blue eyes if he's blond? Why?

Every single idea we have of what is and isn't attractive has been designed for us by the society we live in. Consider what ideals are being upheld when deciding that the "hot" character is blond and blue eyed while also discarding the black character. Being anti-racist and dismantling your own racial biases is a long and constant process, but it is so vitally important. And once we start examining those biases all sorts of shit starts popping up.

And before someone comes in and tells me it isn't that deep: maybe you should look at why you need it to not be that deep, does it make you uncomfortable to think that you might be feeding into these biases without realizing? And who does it benefit to have it not be "that deep" is there perhaps a group of people that would want you to not examine your preference for blue eyes and blond hair? Some sort of brotherhood perhaps...

[iwannascreameurekaa]

I love main characters with facecards that are absolutely fucking oblivious about it. like someone had to say to their face that they like them or whatever for them to understand even a little bit

[spocks-kaathyra]

"ur repressed" okay well have u even considered that emotions r purposeless and only serve to cause harm to those around u and I have achieved a unique transcendent state beyond them. have u considered that

[moe-broey]

When it comes to horny art esp in FEH like. I'm always split between "I don't wanna be sex negative and prudish that's stupid" and "Okay but there IS a misogyny problem (specifically about how female characters are portrayed/treated)" and "I'm Sorry Women (I do like huge titties and stupid slutty outfits)" and "I'm a huge anatomy nerd and what's pissing me off the most are the shit proportions here actually"

^ This user is on the asexuality spectrum.

[phantomamour]

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGd8bR6Ga/ yo???

ONE OF THE MANY REASONS IM A MCLAREN FAN AKJSDKLASJDKL

[earl-grey-love]

I got afflicted with thoughts last night and thought what if there was an L.A N.oi.re AU with my current ships. It doesn't work of course, but I thought about it anyway, and I realised I can categorize my f/os based on if they're Cole or Jack coded. New genders dropped is he Cole/Ph.elp.s or Jack/K.els.o?

[featureenvyproductions]

This post touched on physical media for drawing which is good but I want to add my ramblings about physical drawings as well because these days there's a lot of emphasis on drawing digitally, to the point where I think it's been an actual decade since I've come across a tutorial where someone has drawn things physically on paper....Like, don't underestimate the power of drawing on paper and learning to use physical media. Yeah it's not going to do anything in terms of your popularity 👀👀💧 but at the moment, you've also got an extra layer of protection between you and AI since the best physical art AI could probably do with current technology is something akin to "printing" out a picture with a writing utensil of some sort since mimicking real physical technique from photos of paintings or drawings is quite a bit harder than weighting pixels and outputting them into a file.

I'm also telling you this for corporate reasons. The way the world is going, there's going to come a day when there are no free programs for drawing, and certainly tablets and computers won't be free or cheap, and they're going to demand all your personal information to even boot up. You'll be locked into selling all your data and locking yourself into subscriptions just to have some artistic expression. Do you want that? Adobe and apple can do a lot but they can't fucking take away your paper and pencil. You should learn to use them if only to take back power from corporations. It's why even though I do use digital tools a lot for comic color because it's faster and I'm just one person, I still do almost everything else physically (ink/pencil/layouts/etc). I have a box the size of a large coffin with all the comic book pages I've drawn in my adult life, and the only way Adobe is getting their hands on them or removing my access to them is by banging down my front door or burning my house down.

Sure, technology makes our lives easier, but if you learn to use physical mediums, no one can ever take art away from you or keep you from creating it (at least not EASILY without some seriously oppressive changes) and it's going to be a very long time (maybe not even in our lifetimes) that the corporate ability to do so is finally nerfed.

And yeah you don't need fancy shit. I do all my rough sketching on printer paper with a mechanical pencil, or with a cheap ass sketch book I carry around. Especially if it's just for you practicing and no one is going to see it, you do not need fancy things. Your ancestors ground stuff up and dipped their hands in it and smacked a cave wall. This is your RIGHT to make shit by whatever means necessary whether you think it's instagram worthy or not. (I even outlined what you can use for animation from dollar tree if you're broke in a series of posts if that's a thing you want to do https://www.tumblr.com/featureenvyproductions/752966738522619904/my-thoughts-on-how-to-do-basically-kinda-cel?source=share)

And that's another thing too, don't worry if it sucks. I promise it doesn't, because you made something. And also even if you think it does because you're not meeting your goal or whatever, you have to shake the 10000 bad drawings out of your wrist before you get to the good stuff. Even someone like me who's been drawing [seriously anyway] for 25+ years has to warm up a bit before churning out something serious. Just do it I promise it's fine. (And also if you have the ability to take a figure drawing and/or life drawing class do that because in my experience it helps)

(Also not that I'm that great at art still compared to a lot of artists, I have been at it for a long long time, so if anyone who sees my stuff ever wants to know how I did something, please ask me, I will tell you free tips, I love info dumping, there is no such thing as a stupid question,,,,the greatest compliment is being asked how I did something,,,you do not understand,,,,to me democratizing art means ensuring YOU no matter who you are, can make some of it)

Can't afford art school?

After seeing post like this 👇

And this gem 👇

As well as countless of others from the AI generator community. Just talking about how "inaccessible art" is, I decided why not show how wrong these guys are while also helping anyone who actually wants to learn.

Here is the first one ART TEACHERS! There are plenty online and in places like youtube.

📺Here is my list:

Proko (Free)

Marc Brunet (Free but he does have other classes for a cheap price. Use to work for Blizzard)

Aaron Rutten (free)

BoroCG (free)

Jesse J. Jones (free, talks about animating)

Jesus Conde (free)

Mohammed Agbadi (free, he gives some advice in some videos and talks about art)

Ross Draws (free, he does have other classes for a good price)

SamDoesArts (free, gives good advice and critiques)

Drawfee Show (free, they do give some good advice and great inspiration)

The Art of Aaron Blaise ( useful tips for digital art and animation. Was an animator for Disney)

Bobby Chiu ( useful tips and interviews with artist who are in the industry or making a living as artist)

Second part BOOKS, I have collected some books that have helped me and might help others.

📚Here is my list:

The "how to draw manga" series produced by Graphic-sha. These are for manga artist but they give great advice and information.

"Creating characters with personality" by Tom Bancroft. A great book that can help not just people who draw cartoons but also realistic ones. As it helps you with facial ques and how to make a character interesting.

"Albinus on anatomy" by Robert Beverly Hale and Terence Coyle. Great book to help someone learn basic anatomy.

"Artistic Anatomy" by Dr. Paul Richer and Robert Beverly Hale. A good book if you want to go further in-depth with anatomy.

"Directing the story" by Francis Glebas. A good book if you want to Story board or make comics.

"Animal Anatomy for Artists" by Eliot Goldfinger. A good book for if you want to draw animals or creatures.

"Constructive Anatomy: with almost 500 illustrations" by George B. Bridgman. A great book to help you block out shadows in your figures and see them in a more 3 diamantine way.

"Dynamic Anatomy: Revised and expand" by Burne Hogarth. A book that shows how to block out shapes and easily understand what you are looking out. When it comes to human subjects.

"An Atlas of animal anatomy for artist" by W. Ellenberger and H. Dittrich and H. Baum. This is another good one for people who want to draw animals or creatures.

Etherington Brothers, they make books and have a free blog with art tips.

As for Supplies, I recommend starting out cheap, buying Pencils and art paper at dollar tree or 5 below. For digital art, I recommend not starting with a screen art drawing tablet as they are more expensive.

For the Best art Tablet I recommend either Xp-pen, Bamboo or Huion. Some can range from about 40$ to the thousands.

💻As for art programs here is a list of Free to pay.

Clip Studio paint ( you can choose to pay once or sub and get updates)

Procreate ( pay once for $9.99)

Blender (for 3D modules/sculpting, ect Free)

PaintTool SAI (pay but has a 31 day free trail)

Krita (Free)

mypaint (free)

FireAlpaca (free)

Libresprite (free, for pixel art)

Those are the ones I can recall.

So do with this information as you will but as you can tell there are ways to learn how to become an artist, without breaking the bank. The only thing that might be stopping YOU from using any of these things, is YOU.

I have made time to learn to draw and many artist have too. Either in-between working two jobs or taking care of your family and a job or regular school and chores. YOU just have to take the time or use some time management, it really doesn't take long to practice for like an hour or less. YOU also don't have to do it every day, just once or three times a week is fine.

Hope this was helpful and have a great day.

[indooroutdoorboyfriend]

harlequins. allegory for lgbtq community

[felucians]

tiktok fandoms have collectively come to the conclusion that I could pull my fictional crush & I am thrilled because now I just need a real version of one of them to come into my life and I'll be living my best life

[sunderwight]

Headcanon that Shen Yuan was hotter than Shen Qingqiu, actually.

Like yeah SQQ being a cultivator gave him a boost to enough attributes + being in a stallion novel where everyone is either unrealistic hot or dog's butt ugly got the Shen Qingqiu body extra points, and he wasn't bad looking to begin with. Plus not being ill is vastly more important to the new Shen Qingqiu than those extra hotness points (Without a Cure notwithstanding). But part of the reason why he's kind of like, meh, at least I'm not hideous or anything, is because Shen Yuan's original body was a knock out.

I also like him as chronically ill, and, as many people know, beauty standards and sustained suffering are not as incompatible as they should be. Shen Yuan was conventionally attractive in part because conventional beauty standards seem to want everyone slowly dying all the time. But even setting that aside, the man had flawless bone structure, an appealing figure, captivating eyes, and the kind of voice that stopped people in their tracks.

All of which was a contributing factor to his antisocial lifestyle, actually. Despite the fact that Shen Yuan does enjoy company and requires a certain baseline of social enrichment for his enclosure, his internalized homophobia and closeting did not play well with overtures from interested parties (regardless of gender). The only way to minimize the odds of him being asked out on dates was to essentially become a shut-in, especially since even Shen Yuan can only make so many excuses before he himself starts to notice that he's going to a lot of effort to avoid specifically that avenue of socialization. Far better to just remove himself from any risk of it, and then vocally lament that oh no he's just too much of a nerd to get anywhere with women!

Anyway this largely doesn't matter much outside of sheer comedy potential for any situation where SY gets his old body/life back. Like imagine a reveal scenario where the System is going to transport them back to their old lives.

Shang Qinghua: well bro I guess this is gonna be the ultimate test of love, right?

Shen Yuan: what do you mean?

Shang Qinghua: our husbands are gonna see what we looked like back before we were glorious cultivators! they're going to have to track us down in our mundane, kinda shitty pre-transmigration lives! it's gonna be at least a little embarrassing, right?

Shen Yuan: *gets his old body back*

Shang Qinghua, normal human with average looks: ...

Shen Yuan, exemplary 11/10: ?

Shang Qinghua: what. the fuck?? bro what the fuck why are you hot???

Shen Yuan: don't make it weird

Shang Qinghua: make it weird??? why were you sitting at home reading my shitty novel when you could have been out there building your own harem???

Shen Yuan: stop exaggerating

Shang Qinghua: oh my god you've always been like this. this is it, isn't it? it wasn't even brain damage from the transmigration or something--

Shen Yuan: hey

Shang Qinghua: --you've just always been completely unaware, haven't you? every time I wrote a beautiful woman who didn't know her own appeal you'd be jumping down my throat--

Shen Yuan: because that's a stupid trope--!

Shang Qinghua: --JUMPING DOWN MY THROAT EXACTLY LIKE THAT but this whole time THIS WHOLE TIME it wasn't even a glow-up issue, you've just been that, personified, yourself--

Shen Yuan: look I know I'm not ugly but I'm not I'm hardly that good-looking

Shang Qinghua: YOU ARE NEVER ALLOWED TO CRITICIZE THAT TROPE AGAIN! oh my god. how many broken hearts did you leave behind when you died?!

Shen Yuan: none, I wasn't even seeing anyone--

Shang Qinghua: yeah full offense but I am nottt taking your word for that. I bet you had a harem you didn't know about in this lifetime too. I bet you had a fan club, like an anime prince

Shen Yuan: *mumbling*

Shang Qinghua: what was that?

Shen Yuan: I said... only in high school...

Shang Qinghua: oh my god

Shen Yuan: it wasn't a big deal!

Shang Qinghua: *frantically trying to see if he can find any trace of it on the internet now*

[lilianne-tarot]

PICK A CARD: What Makes You Most Attractiveִ?

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I. II. III.

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How to Pick Your Pile: Take a deep breath, clear your mind, and look at the images above. Which one pulls you in the most? Trust your gut! Once you choose the image, The number below your chosen image is your pile. If more than one catches your eye, that just means there’s extra tea for you, go ahead and read both!

If you enjoyed this reading, get your own personalized paid reading here! 😊🦋

For personalized 18+ readings, click here!

My KO-FI🫶🏻

MY MASTERLIST 🫶🏻

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⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖PILE I

Cards pulled: page of pentacles, 5 of cups, 10 of swords, ace of pentacles, 7 of cups.

Okay, so Pile 1 is all about the ENERGY yall bring into a room. Like, yall are that "I can't look away from them" type. your most attractive trait is definitely the vibe and presence, that natural charisma that's not forced, that "I don't even try to be hot, I just am" energy. You know those people who just feel powerful but aren’t loud about it? That’s MY PILE 1. Also, there’s a bit of a "dark feminine" or "mysterious masculine" vibe, it doesn't depend on gender, it's the energy I ma talking about. like "I have secrets you’ll never know," It's more about aura than looks or sweetness. Think boss energy, a little intimidating but insanely hot.

You’re that person people underestimate at first, like, they think you're just cute, shy, or chill (Page of Pentacles vibes), but once they get closer, BAM, you hit them with that "I've been through hell and back, and now I sparkle" kinda energy (yes, that beautiful 5 of Cups + 10 of Swords combo, I see you). Honestly, your personality is your biggest magnet, but here’s the twist, it's not the loud, in-your-face kind of personality. It's that "quiet energy, like people can feel there’s something deep under the surface, and it makes them so curious about you. You're the type where someone meets you and they can't stop thinking about you later, wondering like "Why do I feel so drawn to them? What are they hiding?" (7 of Cups, hellooo, daydreamer magnet energy).

Okay, let’s not lie, you’re definitely good-looking, but it’s not necessarily about being the "loudest" in the room. You’re the type people glance at once, and then they can't stop glancing again. Like, the more people look at you, the more they notice all these little things, your eyes, your smile, the way you fidget with your hands when nervous (I see a lot of yall doing that haha), or how your expressions shift when you're thinking deep thoughts. Also, with Ace of Pentacles sitting right here like a lil' glowing gem, there’s something about you that looks fresh, earthy, grounded but precious. Like, you give "first love in a coming-of-age film" kinda attractiveness, pure but profound, y’know? OH YEAH, maybe like those wife shown in the beginning of the movie who dies😭. I’m seeing something about your eyes, like soft but intense, eyes that look like they’ve seen things but still hold kindness. Also, your voice might be something people find themselves hooked on, like calm, soothing, maybe a little shy at first but super comforting when you open up.

YOUR PERSONALITY HONEY, this is where you SHINE, babe. You don’t give everyone access to who you are, and THAT is what makes you so magnetic. Like, people can sense you’ve been hurt before but you’ve rebuilt yourself quietly. You give off that vibe of someone who knows pain but still chooses kindness, and wow… if that isn’t HOT, I don’t know what is. Also, can we talk about how real you are? You’re not here for fake friendships or superficial vibes. People can feel that you crave something deeper, real convos, real bonds. That makes people feel safe with you but also nervous because they're like

Let me tell you something, you don’t even realize how dreamy you are, huh? Like, 7 of Cups is telling me you’re the muse energy. People fantasize about you, imagine convos, scenarios, "what if we dated?" like BABE, get ready because you’re someone’s daydream playlist person. Also, lowkey, you give hopeless romantic vibes, but you hide it under "I’m chill" energy, and that's what’s cute, because once people get a glimpse of that soft side, they MELT. Like, "Wait, they’re thoughtful AND romantic?!" Dead. People are gone.😏

In one sentence? You are that quiet, deep soul who’s soft but strong, mysterious but warm, lowkey stunning in a way that grows on people and makes them obsessed. You're the safe space mixed with a little danger of falling too hard, and that combo is what makes people wanna stick around and peel back your layers.

Liked the reading? get your own personalized super in-depth paid reading here!

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⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖PILE II

Cards pulled: ace of cups, wheel of fortune, strength, queen of cups and 5 of cups.

Before I dive into the reading, I just have to say, THE SPIRITS WERE SO CHATTY FOR THIS PILE! 😭 They really made me exceed my word limit! MESSAGES KEPT POPPING UP FOR THIS PILE!!!

let me just start by saying, PILE 2, y’all are the heartthrobs without even trying. Babe, this pile is literally the "physical attraction" pile, 100%. Like, this pile gives main character looks without even trying, someone who doesn’t realize how stunning they are and that makes them even hotter. People are drawn to their natural beauty, body language, voice, facial expressions, literally how they move and exist in space. EVERYTHING.

As soon as I saw three Cups cards staring at me, I was like "Oh okay, so y’all are that person who makes people feel things huh?" You’re out here unintentionally pulling on people like it’s your part-time job. Let’s get into this because BABY… your emotional energy is your ultimate attraction factor ( including the physical attraction) .

So first off, if we’re asking "What makes you attractive?" It's giving emotional depth, softness, but with a twist, you’re way stronger than people think. Like people probably see you and are like, “Aww, what a sweet soul,” but then when they get to know you, they realize you have this insane inner resilience. That Strength card sitting pretty in the middle? Yeah, that tells me you’re emotionally powerful, like you’ve been through some stuff, but you didn’t let it harden you. Instead, you’re like, “I’ll just love harder, but smarter.” And whew, people FEEL that. whenever I look at the strength card it always makes I feel like the energy where the person have the POWER to tame even a lion with their sweetness (according to the illustration on the card), that's what y'all are pile 2.

You give off the vibe of someone who sees people, like really sees them, in a way that makes them feel safe and understood. You know when you meet someone and just feel like you can exhale around them? That’s YOU. People are magnetized to your energy that feels like home, So it’s a mix of “Wow, they’re so emotionally available” but also “Wait, do I even deserve to be in their world?” And girl, that mystery is part of the charm. You’re like an emotional ocean, people can sense the depth, but they also know if they swim out too far and don’t respect your boundaries, they’ll drown.

Also, Ace of Cups + Queen of Cups?! I mean, HELLO. You radiate love, kindness, softness, but not in a naive way, and I would related it directly to my interpretation of the stegth card. It’s like, “I’ll love you, but I’ll never lose myself again for someone.” And that combo makes people OBSESSED. Like, “How are they so soft and so strong?!” vibes. Now, let me spill some tea on the 5 of Cups because this is so key to your vibe. You’ve been hurt. I feel like a lot of people don’t realize that about you right away, but your softness comes with a story, and honestly, people pick up on that in a subtle way. THAT is so rare, and I think it’s a massive reason why people feel drawn to you. You don’t flaunt your pain, but it lives in your aura in a way that makes people want to protect you… even though you don’t need protecting (you’re stronger than most, let's be real).

Also, I think you attract people who want to be saved or healed, and you probably get tired of that, huh? Like, “Why do all the broken birds fly to me?” kind of thing? Because your nurturing vibe is THAT strong. But low-key, you’re the one who wants someone to show up for you for once, and not just take from your emotional well. And you should. Period. Another layer to what makes you attractive is how you shift people's lives just by being in them. Like people meet you and suddenly they’re questioning everything. You walk into someone's life and suddenly they’re feeling things they’ve avoided, seeing life in a deeper way, realizing what they want in relationships. And I’m hearing this loud, you’re a karmic force in people’s lives, like a wake-up call with a soft voice. Like… iconic, honestly.

Ok, even though this reading is screaming "your heart and soul are your glow," I’m picking up on physical softness that mirrors your emotional energy. Like, there’s something about your eyes, your gaze is watery but deep, like people feel like they’re drowning in your eyes (in a good way, lol). And I’m hearing “smile that hides a thousand stories”, like you could smile, and people are like, “Oh that’s cute,” but also like “What are they thinking? What have they been through?” Also, I’m seeing hair, something about your hair being soft or flowy, even if it’s short, it moves with you in a way that’s very ethereal. And there’s definitely something about your hands or the way you move them when you talk that people watch. You probably don’t notice it, but it’s hypnotizing.

i know it is super out of context but I feel like Someone definitely has had a CRUSH on you for ages but is scared to approach you because of how “above them” you seem emotionally, like they think they can’t match your depth. Also… you’ve been through a big emotional chapter recently, haven’t you? I feel like a new love, romantic or self-love, is around the corner.

So now I HAVE to ask you, do you realize you give off this "emotional heartbreaker but soft angel" vibe? Like, are you aware of this, or is this a news to you? LOL Because I feel like people fall HARD for you and you’re like, “Wait, what? I was just existing.” 😂

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⋆౨ৎ˚⟡˖PILE III

cards pulled: 6 of swords, ace of cups, queen of cups, judgement and the sun.

Omg okay, first of all, can we just pause and appreciate this lineup for a sec?? Like, babe, THE SUN and Judgement pulling up together is already giving "I walk in and the whole room turns to stare" vibes. And then all that emotional depth with the Ace of Cups, Queen of Cups, and even the 6 of Swords? This pile is basically the human embodiment of healing hot. You know, the kind of person who's been through it but still shines like a literal beam of light?? Like "I’ve been through storms, but I’m here glowing and unbothered."

Okay, so if we’re asking "What makes you SO attractive?", the loudest message coming through (and I’m talking like a siren blasting in my ear) is your emotional depth, softness, and healing presence. This pile is ALL about your personality vibes and hidden charms. So if you were hoping I’d talk about something super specific like "your eyes" or "your smile," honey, I’m gonna be real, this goes so much deeper than surface level. You’re that person who people think about deep in their thoughts, wondering, "How do they make me feel so safe? Why do I feel like I can tell them everything?" Like straight up, you are emotionally magnetic.

You radiate safety and warmth, and people are drawn to you because you just "get it." Like, you don’t even have to say anything, and people already feel like you understand what they’ve been through. The Queen of Cups and Ace of Cups combo is screaming: "I have a heart big enough to hold space for everyone’s pain and joy." And honestly? Not many people have that capacity, so when folks meet you, it feels rare. It feels special.🫡

I’m also picking up that you’re the kind of person who makes healing look sexy. (IDK why I'm saying this but plss that's the message😭) Like, you’re not here being all broken and messy (though hey, no shame if you are sometimes, we all are!). People are fascinated by how you’ve turned your pain into beauty.

Also, can we talk about how the Sun is showing up here like, You’re not just soft and deep, you also have this bright, warm, hopeful energy that shines through even when you’ve been through dark times. And that combo? Whew. Like mysterious but also sunshine when people get to know you? Iconic. People think they’re getting this deep, poetic soul (which you are), but then boom, you make them laugh or show them light when they least expect it. Literally the "serotonin boost" friend.

Let me just say this: You’re the kind of person people fall in love with slowly, but hard. trust me when I say this cuz when you fall for this type of person it's the hardest to move on from, like IMPOSSIBLE (UHM....speaking from experience🫠)

At first, they might be like, "Oh, they’re sweet, cool." But then after spending time with you? They realize you’re the calm in the storm. You probably don’t even know the grip you have on people because you're just out here being kind, someone's developing a full-blown crush just watching you exist (again, speaking from experience....). Like, someone could see you gently checking on a friend and think, "Oh no, why do I suddenly want to marry them?" Also, with Judgement here, you give major transformative vibes, like people meet you and start questioning their whole life. "Why am I settling? I deserve better, like them." You inspire people to become better versions of themselves. And babe, THAT is wildly attractive. That "wake-up call" energy that makes people go, "I didn’t know I could feel this way until I met you." Now let me circle back to the 6 of Swords because, oh my god, this is so interesting, this card is giving me "I've moved on from the chaos" energy. So you don’t chase, you attract. You’re the person who’s been through rough waters, but instead of becoming bitter or closed off, you’re like, "I’m at peace now. If you want to join me in that peace, cool. If not, keep it moving."

And THAT, my love, is part of what makes you irresistible, you’re not out here thirsty for anyone’s attention. You’re calm, secure, and moving forward in life, and nothing’s hotter than someone who knows their worth. I’m also getting this random but strong vibe that you have a “look” when people cross boundaries, like a quiet but firm stare, and people literally fear disappointing you because you’re so kind but also so real. Like, "Omg, did I just ruin my chance with them?" kind of vibe. 💀 Also, random but I’m hearing "your laugh is addictive" and "your eyes give away your soul", like people can feel things just by looking into your eyes or hearing you laugh. So don’t underestimate those, okay?

Now babe, let me ask, because I’m nosy like that, do people randomly trauma-dump on you in like, grocery stores and public places? 'Cause I’m getting serious "strangers tell me their life story" vibes from this. Also, do people fall for you but don’t know how to handle the feelings because you awaken something real in them? Like "oh no, I thought this was a casual crush but now I wanna write them poetry". Also… you may not realize this but people low-key compete to be close to you. Like, your presence is that precious. 👀

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Thank you so much for reading all the way through! I hope my reading resonated with you and that you had a lovely time going through it. If you enjoyed it, please like and reblog, it really means a lot! Let me know which pile you chose; I absolutely love hearing your thoughts and feedback on my readings! ♡

Note: tarot cards provide guidance and possible insights into what could happen based on current energies, thoughts, and actions. the cards can highlight potential paths or outcomes, but they do not predict the future in a fixed way. this is a general reading so take what resonates!

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[harmoonix]

Birds of a feather🦢

~ Random Astrology Observations ~

~If my soul would be a song. This would definitely be the one. 😭💘~ I am obsessed

🪷 Pisces in your big 3 (Sun, Moon, Rising) may dream a lot about their partners or future/potential partners

🦢 Moon aspecting Venus can make the native so sacrificial in their relationships especially on the emotional part of a relationship

💘 Moon - Ascendant aspects, their sensible nature can be attractive to others, you just want to protect them and keep them safe

✨️ Not many people know this but Leo Placements are so caring in their relationships, even if they don't give that vibe

🕯 Pluto - Venus aspects can become obsessed to their partners, falling for them every chance they get

🔥 A fire Venus in the chart can love so deep that their love is exactly like an arrow striking the heart, is so unexpected but so lovely in the same time

💚 Earth Moons and Venus are the most comforting when they're together with their partners! They partners can be their safe space

💆‍♀️ Air Moons may share a common love language with their partners, especially if it involves communication

💬 Sometimes, it is hard to tell how deeply in love Scorpio Venus is. This Venus placement can be so deep even for Venus herself

🙊 Gemini Moons/Mercury/Venus may share a lot of jokes together with their partners. Their partners make them laugh a lot

──────────────────────

I want you to stay

Til I'm in the grave

──────────────────────

💯 Pisces Venus can give you the moon from the sky when they are deeply in love/they attach extremely fast (Yall know how much obsessed I am with Pisces Venus🙂‍↕️)

🫶🏼 Venus - Jupiter aspects are so 'You're my happy place' coded. Jupiter intensifies Venus love for that specific person

💖 If you plan to have a wedding and you have Cancer or Libra Venus/Moon, the honeymoon can be a beautiful experience in your life

🦭 Part of fortune in the 7th house can symbolize 'Fated Love' so much. Is such a 'to die for placement

🦋 Capricorn Placements can also attach fast to the people they love. Even if often they are seen as cold people, their love is something truly something else

🏵 Saturn in the 7th house natives can indicate not having as many relationships as others, low body count too, sometimes can even indicate the native falling in love for the first time

👻 Venus in the 10th house or 11th house can become more known for dating certain people, or become more famous because of their relationship

😹 Most times, mercury in the 5th and 7th house like to talk about their experiences with love to other people can share the same love life stories with others

💖 Venus in the 2nd house or Taurus may spoil or be spoiled by their partners, it can also be their love language to do it so

❤️‍🩹 Chiron in the 5th or 7th house can learn a lot from other people experience with love. Can stand up to help others with their romantic lives

🤍 Sometimes your 7th house sign can also tell you the season you can fall in love, for example Cancer Risings can fall in love more in winter due to their 7th house being a winter sign (Capricorn) and so many more!!

🫡 I feel like 7th house in air signs people just need a partner who can understand them deeply, to understand their needs and desires

🤖 Venus in Aquarius/11th house can fall in love on internet/dating sites. There are so many possibilities. To be honest, dating online is slowly fading away

👨‍❤️‍👨👩‍❤️‍👩 A strong Saturn/Uranus can be often found in people who are attracted to the same gender! There are charts out there who can give a lot of lgbt vibes btw!!

👸 Leo Venus/Mercury/5th, 7th or 8th house treat their partners with such good love/attention and care, like some royalty

──────────────────────

Til the light leaves my

eyes

──────────────────────

💌 Jupiter in the 5th house can be often found in charts of people who can marry/date people from their childhood 'we know since kindergarten or school' vibes

💣 If your partner has a fire Mars, they will often give you mixed signals during the talking stage, fire mars natives don't always know how to handle their emotions when they're in love

😗 I find north node in Libra/7th house to be such a cute placement, romantically talking, and writing this while I have Aries north node is a pain in the ass😃

🦩 Venus at 9° 21° or 9th house can travel a lot with their partners/couple - travelling a lottt! Some of them can even have blogs or media chanels where they can talk about that

🪼 Knowing the love language of someone with Scorpio Placements can be a win for life, they can love you forever for that

🦚 If your partner has Jupiter in Cancer, it can be an indicator of them having a big family and relatives

😊 Moon in the 9th house can be a good indicator of your partners family getting along with you! Good relations

😩 For some reason, I can't resist those with Pluto in the 1st/8th and 10th house natives. Something is so attractive about them

🤳 Sagittarius Moons can plan lots of trips/adventures together with their spouses/partners or even alone because they will always have that adventurous spirit

💗 Libra Rising will wait for the other person to do the first step in the relationship because if you didn't know this, Libra Risings stressed so much in their love life, so they will wait for the other to do something first

💥 Billie Eilish, who composed this song (Godess Behavior), has her Venus in the 10th house, indicating making her love life more public = writing songs about love and ending up successful

❤️‍🔥 Venus in Fire signs want a chill yet passionate love life. They're some fierce romantics, and they know it.

──────────────────────

I want you to see

How you look to me

──────────────────────

🤬 Mars or Aries in your 3rd house is a big indicator of not getting along with your siblings, arguing more than ever

🧗‍♂️ Venus, Sun or Moon in the 5th house can make you an addict in trying fun physical or creative activities

🧝‍♀️ Mercury rules over fantasy, mystical world, magic (to some extent), creativity is explored through your Mercury, and be proud of it

🫦 Sagittarius Placements are born with attitude, especially Rising/Mars/Venus, that person who always seems a bit more harsh

──────────────────────

But if it's forever, it's even better

──────────────────────

By Harmoonix 🤍, hope you have an amazing day 🤍🤍🤍

[fuiru]

A 44 year old man goes to a K-Pop Concert

I promised you a report on the K-pop concert that I, a 44-year-old accountant, went to a couple of weeks ago with my wife and daughter in Toronto. So here it is.

The band we saw were Ateez. They're my daughter's favourite band and my wife's second favourite. I know most of my mutuals are similarly aged like me and may not be familiar with them so let me give you a brief primer on Ateez.

Imagine the most attractive eight men you can think of, just unfathomably beautiful specimens of aesthetic perfection, and make them sing songs that somehow combine the subjects of 'dancing like nobody is watching' with 'we live in a dystopian hellscape that we must all work together to overthrow'. Give them an ongoing music video story lore that literally nobody - not even the band themselves - understand, so that online discussion of their visual motifs looks more like the fevered rantings of a conspiracy theorist, complete with speculation about alternate realities and time being a Moebius strip. There is also a giant sand timer, for some reason.

That's Ateez. That's what you need to know.

Now, K-pop concerts are very different to the gigs I've been going to for the last 28 (!) years. There's no support act, for a start. Also the band perform for like, three hours, with breaks for costume changes and interpretive dance. Furthermore, hanging above everything is the constant looming threat of mandatory military service.

So this being my first such concert, I wasn't sure what to expect. What happened was difficult to explain, but I will try as I am already six paragraphs into this write-up and I'm too invested to stop now. Here goes:

In his Wicked + Divine comics series, Kieron Gillen places modern pop icons as deities, feeding upon and gaining strength from the worship of their fans at the altar of musical performance. I thought I understood that metaphor. I thought I understood it AS a metaphor. I was wrong, because that night Ateez WERE Gods with a capital G and we were their worshippers, a crowd emanating adoration (in the religious and non-religious senses), bestowing strength upon them and gaining their strength in return.

If that sounds weird, it probably is. But as pointed out above, I have lived over four decades and never yet experienced anything like the overwhelming passion of that crowd, the utter abandon with which they conveyed their love for the band.

"But Fuiru, what of the actual music?" you ask. Thinking back, there was a moment in one of their songs - I can't remember which - where I watched the stage, and the people around me, taking it in, and I thought, "Man, I just love Music". But that doesn't answer your question, sorry.

Ateez's music is bloody great. As a tiresome indie/rock/metal kid I'm resisting the urge to add the usual tiresome indie/rock/metal caveat of "...for pop music" because honestly that does it a disservice. They have some genuinely amazing songs. Halazia is an absolute fucking masterpiece that descends into furious hardcore breakbeat. Bouncy is a big, brash racket that somehow is also a perfect pop song. Utopia, Wonderland, and Guerrilla are similarly superb. The obligatory boy band slow number is represented by Dancing Like Butterfly Wings which will make you cry because you will forever associate it with your twelve year old daughter being pointed to and waved at by her favourite Ateez member (Seonghwa) because of her Seonghwa-branded lightstick.

That might just be me, though.

So in summary: being a 44 year old dad at his first K-pop concert rules and you should endeavour to partake in the experience if the opportunity arises.

Finally, for any Atiny reading this: my bias would be San or Seonghwa but my wife and daughter said they were taken so it’s Mingi. My concert outfit (designed and created by my offspring) reflects this.

[cat-shouty-13]

my own thoughts: Barok has had sex like 3-5 times and doesn't get the hype

my own thoughts again: I constantly swing between Albert does know what sex is but doesn't really fancy actually having it or that he has had sex and had it more times that Barok but is still ace

broke: Due to his attractiveness, Barok has slept with countless (wo)men.

woke: Despite his attractiveness, Barok is a virgin.

Bespoke: Because of entirely different factors, Barok does not know what sex is.

[violentdelightsandviolentends]

Pity Party.

Synopsis - Carmy just wants to see you treated the way he thinks you deserve. He decides to take matters into his own hands.

Pairing - Carmen Berzatto x Female Roommate Reader

Word Count - 3k

Warnings - smut. cursing. alcohol mention. carmys filthy mouth.

Age Rating - 18+

Author's Note - hello hello hello!! i am back!! i had a wonderful vacation soaking up the sun, and i am feeling refreshed and ready to go. i have had so many ideas over the past few weeks, so i'm excited to get some of them written asap!! this was a fic that came to me randomly, as i was thinking about roommate!carmen and how much of a menace he'd be if you ever talked about other guys. this was written as a part of my carmen roommates collection. it doesn't follow on from Finders, Keepers or Sweet Dreams, but it does exist in the same universe - so you can decide if this takes place before or after!! as always, feel free to send me any ideas or thoughts or burning desires you have. so much love <3

as always, reblogs, comments and feedback (even anonymous feedback) are immensely appreciated!! your reblogs are the only way to circulate my fics, which keeps me going <3

Series Masterlist. Masterlist. Inbox.

"You're back early."

Carmy had swung the door open, expecting to come home to an empty apartment. Instead, he's met with the sight of you, sitting on the couch, undoing the straps of your shoes.

"Fuckin' disaster," you mutter, loud enough for him to hear.

He breathes out a chuckle at the stormy look on your face. Carmy thinks you're cutest when you're angry. He aches to smooth the crease between your brows with his thumb.

"That bad?" he asks, taking a seat next you and kicking off his sneakers.

"You wouldn't even believe."

He rises and makes his way to the kitchen, filling the tea kettle and placing it on the stove top. Grabbing two mugs, he casts a glance over his shoulder at you, frowning at your body language. You look defeated.

Carmy steeps two cups of tea, placing one of them carefully into your waiting hands. He resumes his seat on the sofa, pressing his thigh against yours and turning to face you.

"You wanna talk about it?"

You think for a moment before replying.

"You're gonna laugh at me."

His face instantly crumples, confusion written all over it.

"I'll never laugh at you. I'll laugh with you, sure. But never at you."

He nudges your shoulder with his, urging you to go on.

"Okay, fine. The actual date was pretty good. He took me to that Italian place downtown-"

"Dolce Vita? Did you get the truffle pasta I told you about?" Carmy interrupts you before you can continue.

"Yes, oh my God. It was incredible. Do you think you can recreate it sometime?"

"Fuck yeah. They're pretty secretive with their recipes, but I think I can figure it out. You can help me if you want - I'm gonna need a sous chef."

He pulls a reluctant laugh from you, the sound echoing off the ceramic of your mugs. You both know that being the sous chef involves you sitting on the counter drinking wine while Carmy does all the work.

"Of course. I'll always be your sous chef."

"I'll hold you to that."

You smile at him gently, a little taken aback by the sincerity in his voice.

"Anyway. The dinner went great. He seemed super interested in me, asked me questions, told me about his job, his hobbies, his dog. He was hot, and good to talk to. I thought I'd hit the jackpot."

"And then?"

"And then we went back to his apartment. And it all went to shit."

He chuckles, blue eyes glinting in the moonlight.

"Tell me more."

"You really want to hear about all of this?"

It's not like you and Carmy aren't close. You absolutely are. It's just that there's always been this unspoken connection between the two of you. A bubbling, fiery attraction that you both shut down repeatedly, screwing the lid on tight whenever it rears its head. So, you tend to avoid talking to Carmy about dating. You're scared you'll accidentally blurt out the truth - you compare every single date to him.

"Of course I do."

His answer is so genuine it makes you ache. You continue, hesitantly.

"Well... things got a little... heavy. He wasn't a bad kisser, I guess... he just wasn't... a good one? He kept biting my lip super hard and it kinda hurt. Then he pulled my clothes off like a high schooler, and he's on top of me, and I'm waiting for him to sort of... do... anything? And then he's finished. Like, completely done. And then he has the nerve to ask me if I finished."

Carmy's mouth has fallen open, shock etched across his face. After a long, heavy pause, he speaks.

"What the fuck?"

You look at him for moment, before bursting into contagious laughter. He joins you, both of you with your heads thrown back, giggles reverberating around the lowlit room.

"I mean, seriously," he pants, still laughing. "What the fuck?"

"I didn't even answer him. I just put my clothes on, grabbed my bag and left without saying a word."

Every time you try to stifle your laughter, a giggle escapes. The situation wasn't funny at the time, but looking back, it's hilarious.

All of a sudden, you both go silent. You're deep in thought, reflecting on the seemingly never ending stream of bad dates that you've endured. Carmy is watching you intently, ocean blue eyes glued to your face.

"Fuck," you breathe. "This is kinda pathetic."

Carmy inhales deeply, and turns his body so it's facing yours on the couch.

"The way I see it," he begins, "you have two options."

You quirk a brow in confusion and stay quiet, waiting for him to explain.

"You can sit here feeling sorry for yourself, or, you can let me fuck you the way you deserve."

Your mouth falls open in shock at the exact same moment your brain seems to shut down. You can't think. You can't process his words. All you can focus on is the way he's staring at you. You suddenly feel hot under his gaze, the hairs on the back of your neck standing up. A shiver runs down your spine, and you have to remind yourself to breathe.

"Wh-... what?" you choke out.

"You heard me, honey. You can wallow in your little pity party, or you can let me show you what it's like to be with someone who can actually make you come. Your choice."

His voice has dropped an octave lower than usual, the tone warm and honeyed. He's still staring at you, blue gaze unrelenting.

"Is this gonna fuck everything up between us?" you whisper hesitantly.

Carmy reaches out and places a gentle hand on your cheek, thumb stroking careful circles into your skin.

"I don't think anything can fuck up what we have," he murmurs. "You're the only thing in my life that makes sense."

His confession seems to sober you up, the honesty in his words snapping you back to your senses.

"Okay."

He almost does a double take at the sureness in your voice.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Put your money where your mouth is, Carmen."

"There she is," he chuckles. "You scared me when you went quiet for a second there."

"Well, if what you say is true, you're not gonna be able to shut me up for the night."

He laughs darkly, and slides closer to you slightly.

"Oh, honey. You're gonna wish you hadn't said that."

He tucks a strand of hair behind your ear, tracing the journey of your neck with his fingertips. He rests his hand lightly at the base of your throat, the heavy weight of it making you pant.

"If there's any point where you don't like something, or you want me to slow down, just say so. Okay?"

You nod your head, entranced by the sudden dominance he's displaying. You've never seen this side of him before. You can't believe he's been hiding it this whole time.

"Words, pretty. Need to hear you say it."

"Yes. I understand. I'll tell you, I promise."

He doesn't say anything in reply, just smirks. He lets you sit in the silence for a moment too long, the anticipation slowly killing you.

"Please, Carmen," you breathe. "Please."

"Fuck," he groans, shuffling closer to you. "You sound so pretty when you beg."

Carmy leans in and kisses your cheek gently, testing the waters. He presses a kiss to your other cheek, and pulls back to watch for your reaction. When he's happy, he tilts forward and leaves a careful kiss on your chin, then your forehead, then both of your closed eyes, before kissing you on the side of your mouth. His closeness makes you whine, desperate for him to give you what you want.

Finally, he connects his lips to yours, starting off slow and tender. When you tangle your fingers in the hair at the nape of his neck and try to pull him even closer, his resolve snaps. His tongue sweeps into your mouth, exploring eagerly. You clamber over him and climb into his lap, straddling his hips and pressing yourself into his body.

Carmy can't decide where to put his hands. He's grabbing at your waist, running his fingers up your back, pulling you into him by your ass. You're both groaning into each others mouths, enraptured by the other person and the all consuming way they kiss.

"Can I take this off?" he asks lowly, pulling at the hem of your dress.

Instead of answering, you pull it over your head, throwing it onto the floor in front of you.

"Fuck," he murmurs. "Most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

His hands are roaming all of your exposed skin, as if he can't get enough. He's terrified he won't ever get to see you like this again, so he's not going to waste a second.

You grind your hips down into his, eliciting a groan from the both of you. His hands tighten their grip on your waist, as he leans up to press open mouthed kisses to your jaw. Your fingers fly to the hem of his t shirt, pulling it off swiftly. You manage to shove his jeans down and off, before attempting to pull off his underwear. Carmy stops you in your tracks.

"Nuh uh," he tuts. "This is about you. Not me."

He pulls you off his lap gently and shuffles so his back is resting against the couch cushions. He spreads his legs wide, and gestures for you to sit between them. When you don't move, he looks at you carefully.

"Give me a color, pretty girl."

You take a deep breath, and smile at him softly.

"Green, Carmen. Promise."

You manoeuvre sideways, so you can place yourself with your back to his chest. He wraps his arms around you for a moment and holds you tightly, as if he's scared you'll disappear any second. You relax into his embrace, all the tension leaving your body. You have nothing to worry about. It's just you and Carmen, in the place you call home.

You drop your head back into Carmy's shoulder, and allow yourself to get lost in the feeling of his hands on your skin. He's begun tracing patterns down your arms, your sides, your stomach, until he reaches your underwear. He plays with the band, dipping his finger underneath in a feather light touch. Goose bumps rise across your body and you shiver, practically vibrating with need.

"Carmen," you whisper. "Don't tease."

"But that's half the fun," he murmurs into your ear, and you can hear the smile in his voice.

You can picture it perfectly, too. The way his eyes crinkle, the way his mouth curves, the way he bites his lip to stifle it. The image in your mind makes you melt into him further. You want to be as close to him as you physically can be. You'd completely disappear into him if you could.

He brings you back to reality by cupping you over your underwear, groaning when he feels the saturated material.

"Oh, pretty girl. Is this all for me? Fuck."

Suddenly, his game of teasing has lost all its fun. Carmy twists his fingers into your underwear and pulls them off in one swift movement, throwing them in the general direction of your dress on the floor. He places a hand on each of your thighs and spreads them apart, hooking them over his legs.

Carmy starts off slow, careful. He caresses over your skin, gentle and almost apprehensive. When he gets to your core, he swipes a finger through, testing the waters. When you buck your hips into his hand, he knows you're both on the same page.

"Just relax, okay? Gonna make you feel good."

His deep, smooth, whiskey like voice is doing nothing to help the heat bubbling in your stomach. You only whine in response, wiggling your hips to urge him to keep going.

Carmy throws one arm around your stomach, keeping you plastered to his body. You can feel him hot and hard against your back, and you so desperately want to feel him that your mouth is watering. You grind back into him, and he reads your mind.

"Not yet," he whispers. "This is about you, remember? Need to show you what you've been missing."

With that, he circles your clit with two fingers, slowly but surely. He revels in the noises you elicit. They're making him dizzy, disorientated. He never thought he'd be the one to pull a sound like that from you. He's quite convinced he's dreaming.

"Let me hear you. Don't hold back on me, okay?"

You nod your head frantically, willing to give him whatever he asks if you get what you want.

Carmy slips a finger into you slowly, moaning under his breath at your warmth. When he thinks you're ready, he adds a second finger, and sets a steady rhythm, trying to figure out what you like.

After he's set his pace, he starts to curl his fingers on the up stroke, grinning to himself when he finds the spot.

"Yeah? Right there? That's it, isn't it?"

You're nodding and shaking and pawing at his forearms, trying to tether yourself to reality in any way you can. You think you might be floating, on cloud 9, in some sort of euphoric trance. You can't believe no one's ever made you feel like this before. You're convinced no one ever will again.

Carmy quickens his pace and basks in the glory of your moans. He thinks this might be the most beautiful you've ever looked, spread out completely for him. Every inch of your skin is touching his, and it makes his heart skip a beat for a second.

He presses a kiss into your hair and keeps his mouth there, murmuring honeyed praises into your ear.

"Doin' so good for me."

"You got it, honey, that's it."

"Atta girl. Keep going. Almost there."

"You look so fuckin' pretty like this. Fuck. Gonna be thinking about this forever."

"I'll ruin you, baby. Nothing's ever gonna compare to this, to what we have."

All you can do is moan in response, his filthy words pushing you closer and closer to the edge. You're almost there, but something is stopping you. You whine in frustration, tears welling in your eyes. Carmy feels the tension suddenly grasp your muscles, and leans down to mutter to you softly.

"What is it, sweet girl? What do you need? Just tell me. Anything, and I'll give it to you."

You're not sure how much you trust your voice right now, so you decide to show him instead. You take the hand that he's using to hold you to him and move it up your body until it's resting against your throat. You tighten your fingers around his, and moan in response to the pressure.

"Oh, baby," he coos. "Filthy fuckin' girl. Here I thought you were so innocent, and this whole time you wanted to be choked like a whore?"

The way he degrades you so lovingly makes you mewl. You'd never ever trust anyone else to speak to you this way in such an intimate moment - but with Carmen, there's no hesitation. You know he's just telling you what you need to hear in the heat of the moment. And you love him for it.

"Fuck, Carmen," you manage to choke out. "Keep going. Don't stop, please."

"I'll do anything you want if you keep saying my name like that," he whispers.

"Carmen," you moan in response. "Carmy Carmy Carmy Carmy Carmy."

You're chanting his name like a prayer. He's rutting into your back, hips grinding and circling in time with his fingers that are maintaining their steady rhythm. His fingers tighten around your throat as he crooks his digits just right, and the result is a devastating moan from you that Carmy wishes to have on repeat for the rest of his life.

"So close," you whisper hoarsely. "Harder."

Carmy uses his thumb to circle your clit with one hand, other hand pulling you by your neck back into him tightly. He grinds his hips dirtily into you, and the feeling of him so silky and warm against you is what sends you over the edge. The corners of your vision go white as you arch into him, head thrown backwards into his chest. The sounds you're making are so melodic, so borderline angelic that Carmy almost cries. Heaven, he thinks. This is salvation.

Carmy finishes with you, climaxing onto the soft skin of your back. You both relax simultaneously, chests heaving and panting. He removes his fingers gently and wraps both arms around you, pulling you into him tightly despite the mess. He reaches to brush the hair out of your face, and the gesture is so tender it makes your lip quiver.

"Thank you," you whisper after what feels like hours of comfortable silence.

"Sorry I called you a whore," he murmurs back.

You let out a surprised laugh, vibrating with amusement in his arms.

"I know you didn't mean it."

"I mean I did give you the best orgasm of your life, so... call it even?"

"You're forgiven," you chuckle. "Completely forgiven."

You trace gentle patterns over his forearms with your fingertips, following the black ink of his tattoos. He sighs in contentment and places a kiss into your hair, relaxing further into the couch.

You sit together like that for a while, neither of you too concerned with the time. It's not often you see Carmy so relaxed, so serene. You're enjoying it for as long as you can.

"We should clean up," he says quietly, eventually. "Sorry about the mess."

"It's okay. Worth it," you tease, pinching his thigh. He pinches your side in retaliation, which makes you jump.

"Come on, trouble."

He stands from the couch, never letting go of the grip he has on you. You have no choice but to stand with him, yelping as he half carries you through the apartment towards the shower.

The sounds of both of your laughter bounce off of the abandoned mugs of tea still sat on the coffee table, melodic and joyous. The moonlight seeps through the windows, illuminating the beginning of something special in the living room of your shared apartment.