#Like I know God is real thru personal experience

[ladyfarona]

.

[honeytonedhottie]

HOW I MANIFESTED MY DESIRED APPEARANCE (success story)⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🎐

so manifesting my desired appearance in full took roughly 2 weeks, also this post is pretty long bcuz im not gatekeeping anything, im giving u guys the full story, the full scoop on how i did it so here we go...

some things that i remember doing was, before going to bed i'd either read what my desired appearance looks like (i wrote a list bcuz me as a person, i LOVE writing things down) and i'd read that list before bed like it was fact.

or if i didn't have the list with me, when i was the state akin to sleep i'd talk to myself (ik it sounds weird but its natural for me so it worked) and i'd be like "ik for a fact that i am (fill in the blank)" or "ik for a fact that i have (fill in the blank)"

and i'd just say it to myself, or sometimes when i'd shower, for every part of my body that i'd wash (i separated it into sections) and for each section i'd talk about an aspect of my appearance as though it was from someone else's POV. for example, part of my desired appearance was a difference in hair texture so i'd say "omg honey's hair is SO long and glossy". like i'd talk thru someone else's pov ABOUT my appearance in either a tone of admiration, envy, or indifference.

even if i didn't see movement a couple times or got discouraged, i went back to what feels RIGHT and thats affirming for me.

some key statements i used :

i know for a fact

i have my exact desired appearance bcuz im god and i said so

another thing that rly helped me was visualization, i was living PURELY in my imagination, completely in my head. i was REAL delulu. i have a vision board on pinterest that was SO helpful for me.

when i saw things in the 3d that didn't please me i completely disregarded it, and when i tell u COMPLETELY, i completely dismissed anything that i didn't like, or that didn't sit right with me.

another little exercise that i liked to do was actually bcuz of a bad habit. so i have a RLY bad habit of checking the 3d but i used it to my advantage. my habit was that every morning the first thing i'd do is go and look in the mirror. when i manifested my desired appearance what i'd do, is i would go to the bathroom mirror and tell my subconscious what i see. so my logic behind this was that since the subconscious didn't have any eyes i could tell my subconscious that i had the head of a unicorn and it'd believe me 💀. so i would talk to my subconscious and tell it what i saw. "i see an angel skull" "i see rly rly long lashes" "i see waist-length hair" etc etc.

i went to the end and i BASKED in it. moral of this manifestation story :

persist regardless of what u experience with ur 5 senses

time is an illusion so forget about it

dont settle for less than what u seek

go straight to the end and bathe in it bcuz u can't try and be something that u already are 

failure doesn't exist

apply

[iadoreoldermen]

Day 1: Shower sex

Pairing: fem!reader x Lando Norris (first person pov)

Word count: around 1.5K

TW: unprotected p in v sex (wrap it before you tap it guys!), oral (m receiving), smut smut smut, fluffy Lando at the end, slight angst if you squint.

A/N: literally something I would love to experience, hope you enjoy it! MDNI

Third place again. It felt like the whole world was trying to rip my heart into tiny pieces. Looking up at Lando I could see the smile on his face, but I knew it wasn't a real one. He took off in such a great place and now this.

I made my way back to the garage as fast as I could to ask where he was. Passing Oscar I could see defeat in his eyes so I hugged him tight, feeling him relax a bit. After the hugging I patted his back in sympathy and made a beeline towards Lando's driver's room.

Knocking on the door I spoke. "Lan, are you in there?" Before I could say anything else, the door was pulled open by him, facing me with glazed eyes. I gently pushed him in so we could fully be in his room. I grabbed his hand and led him to the couch and he sat down immediately.

"Baby you did amazing, why do I see tears in your eyes?" I asked concerned.

"I could've, no, I should've done better, I don't get how I cannot get a win at all." He sniffled and as I was still standing I pulled him close so his head was resting against my tummy.

Patting his hair gently I whispered "Your time will come Lan, you did your best, we both know that."

"Yes but still, I just-I don't-ugh I just don't know what else to do, I mean, I know the strategy isn't the best but still." He trailed off, I knew it was time to head back to our hotel.

"How 'bout we go back to our room, shower, eat, rest and you can tell me all about it?" I suggest and I feel his head tilting up, looking at me.

He whispers "That sounds good" and stands up to hug me properly.

The ride back to our hotel went by fast, Lando driving with his hand resting on my knee and I felt him relax a bit. Making our way up some stairs we finally made it and after fumbling with the key for long enough we were inside.

"Alrighty, set some comfy clothes out for us while I start the shower please darling." I said as I moved around in the bedroom to find our towels.

"Okay hun" he said with that gorgeous accent of his.

The shower was ready and I ushered him in the bathroom in only my underwear. "Tell me if you're done okay?"

"Would you please shower with me?" He looked at me with the biggest eyes known to mankind.

"Of course, give me just one second." I said whilst stripping. "Alright, let's get you cleaned."

Washing each other off I could feel him staring at me but I payed no mind, he was tired after all. I got behind him and massaged through his thick muscles and heard him groan in painful pleasure. After I've done that I got back to work on ridding him from the champagne leftover from his abs and he leaned his head on my shoulder. I felt him gasp in my neck so I asked him "What is it baby?"

"Need you." He nearly whimpered.

"How do you need me?"

"I need your mouth..please." He murmured and looked down at me as I got on my knees in front of him. Stroking his thighs I could finally taste his sweet cock, licking him softly and he tangled his hand in my hair, not to control me, just to have something to ground himself. Grabbing his cock I take his tip in my mouth and the whiny moan he let's out tells me I'm doing a good job. I take a big breath through my nose and take him down my throat. The response I get is one of the most beautiful moans I've ever heard. So beautiful, I have to sneak the hand that's not holding the base of his cock to rub my aching pussy to get some relief.

"Oh baby you must be drippin' -fuck- you're so good to me" He coos and damn yeah, my arousal leaks down my thighs. "I'm not gonna last long, I'm -fuck- so-sorry ngh" Oh my god, he's trying to kill me, I feel my end approach too, I could cum just by the sounds he makes. In a matter of seconds I can feel his thrusts halt and eventually stop as his cum leaks down my throat while I try my hardest to swallow all of it. Looking up at him we make eye contact and I moan around his lenght, but just as I feel a euphoric wave wash through me, he grabs my arms and swaps places with me, getting on his knees in front of me. Just as I'm about to ask him why he stopped me, he lifts one of my legs to hook over his shoulder and licks a broad stripe along my wet, awaiting cunt, making my knees buckle.

"Fuck- oh my god Lan!" I moan in pleasure and I can still feel him panting against me but that's the last thing on my mind. It's embarassing how close I got from only this much stimulation. "I'm close, Lan- yes!" With the way he thrusted two fingers inside me while licking at my clit I cum on his face so hard, I see stars. I tug at hsi curls a little harsher than I intented and when I feel like it's too much. He groans but kisses his way up my body until he reaches my mouth and kisses me like I'm his last source of oxygen. When he finally pulls away I giggle and he lifts his head to look at me and started laughing as well.

"Hello you" I said with a huge grin on my face as he scrunched his nose up.

"Hi babe" He said while nuzzling my neck. "May I still fuck you please?" How could I possibly say no when he asked so nicely.

"Go ahead, you don't even need to ask baby boy." I said while running my hands up his back delicately. I reach his hair and I have to grab his shoulders quickly because he raises my leg and thrusts up into me deeply. I feel my knees buckle and thank god he's holding me close or else I would've fallen. My eyes roll back to the back of my head as he strokes my warm walls in the most perfect way.

"Shit..You like that huh?" I can barely hear him say because he's continously hitting my g-spot. "Talk to me baby, d'ya like it?" He whines in my ear and I clench around him, Iknow he feels it because his grip on my thigh tightens.

"I-yes, yes I like it-fuck" I manage to answer as he speeds up his thrusts and I feel myself getting close again as I rock my hips against his and he groans, no growls out my name and that alone brings me close to the edge and I feel him getting closer too. I feel his hand cupping one of my breasts and in the blink of an eye he's sucking my nipple into his mouth, I suppose to gain some composure, like he always does when he doesn't want me to see him in this state, so I slowly lift his face. He looks up at me with his eyebrows furrowed in pleasure, an almost invisible string of spit connecting my nipple and his mouth. I drag his face further up to kiss me and I moan into his mouth as I get pushed over the edge. The kiss is nothing short of messy. Tounge and teeth.

I slowly come back from my mind numbing orgasm and he's moaning into my mouth as he sucks my tounge and with a last couple of thrusts his hips stutter and he spills into me. We pull back from the kiss and he drops my forehead against mine as he slowly calms down but still pants against my face.

We stay like that for a couple minitues until he pulls out of me with a hiss, making sure I'm okay before washing me down. I return the favor and wash his face and and chest and arms. I notice after a while that he's just looking at me. I look at him and see him have the biggest smile on his face and he giggles a little.

"What's got you smiling like that hm?" I ask.

"I adore you, you're all I ever needed, I can't think of anything else but how beautiful you are. I don't even care about the race anymore just..you" he nearly chokes on his words, still grinning like an idiot.

An idiot in love.

I grab his face and look him deeply in his eyes. I'm smiling now too, tears running down my face.

"Oh Lan...I love you so much." I pull him close and kiss him briefly before pulling him into the tightest hug ever, because that's what he deserves.

Love..

A/N: Hope you liked it! I'm still a little new to writing so feedback and critisism is welcomed! ❤

[nicegaai]

im attempting my fic reread today. im announcing this bc i will be liveblogging to keep my morale up, NOT THAT anyone cares but i personally need this, like ill only commit to do the thing if theres an imaginary audience holding me accountable. & i like to have fun :3

anyway. captains log, its a beautiful sunny july weekend. i just finished my morning coffee, and, i am dreading this so much. i dont like rereading my own writing but i shall get over it. ok here we go.

Þetta Reddast vagueblogged directors commentary edition

Ch 1:

*opens fic and starts convulsing immediately* god i wish i smoked weed rn. i cannot chill out ever for the life of me

My Mission For Today Is: to remember what plot threads I’ve left hanging so I can resolve this story properly. And also try n remember where the flow is going. I have the end plotted out, I just am a little lost … it’s been a while :-(

------------

Abrupt beginning!!!! I’m not mad because I have . I HAD. Almost no writing experience when I started this. it isn’t ideal but I refuse to be one of those fanfic writers that starts rewriting early chapters without finishing the last ones. Ive never seen one of those types actually finish a longfic. …I’d already rather yap than actually read LMAO AHH

Oh this is worse than I remember. thats cool that s great ok alright *coughs up blood*

"20 somethings" WOW I really did not know where I was going with this when I started huh

LKJSDLKSJDLGKGDJSLDGJK ??? Who authorized this. Who let me cook. What the hell

I could write this better now. I could edit this into something beautiful. <- devil on my shoulder

FORGOT I WAS MAKING RICE BRB

"generously offered nothing to the exchange." wait STOPPPP. I’m so funny

GRAMMAR ERROR DETECTED why is there two periods. I’ll be coming back to fix that …………………. :-(((

Fuck. This is a lot. Marge Simpson Hiding Her Face dot Png

Oh this is stupid this is gayyy this is fukcinnn . Who fucking did t his. What was wrong with me,. This is so good actually. what was i ONNNN. 

Im gonna throw up and I don’t know if thats like/. A complimentary thing or if im just cringing that hard . Im feeling emotions. I love my OTPs..OT3~5? I love them so so much

Ok as much as im like “eww bad writing” this is .. dare I say, rly good in places. Not to suck my own dick but maybe all hope isnt lost and imposter syndrome is an illusion

Grammar mistake #2. Goddddddd. they should ban me from the archive for this

EMILLLLL EMIL EMIL EMIL HIIIIII BABYYYY EMILLL I LOVE UUUU AWWHUUGHH everyone clap for my bewoved baby bruvver right FUCKING now

Urghhh gritting my teeth… Im fully expecting the flow of events to start not making any gd sense. There’s no way this came together the way I hoped in my head and .... For real I was never able to read this all the way thru. this is my first time, lol. and it was all disjointed on the authorial end to say the least. Im scared T-T

Jlxjvklsdkjfsjlkdkjlsjklkljzsdkjlgaskljdgjklasljkgdljkasljkdgjklasjlkdgljkaskljdgjakl?????????? 

Im not liking the ratio of dialogue to whatever the other stuff is. scene-setting I guess. prose maybe. i could have dragged this out way longer... By which I mean made it a more satisfying read. But WHATEVER !!!! 

TIMO !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! TIMOOOOOOOOOO NUMERO UNOOOO DO MUNDOOOOOO I really need to utilize him more. As soon as I finish this fic I need to write a Timo POV spinoff where he gets cancelled on furry twitter for proshipping in real life

Hmmmm chapter ending didn’t hit as hard in practice as it did in drafts. Oh well. God damn that was a lot to happen in one chapter LMAOO???

OH SHIT MY RICE IS STILL COOKING —— 

[baladric]

i've had a lot of weird big developments in my, like. general Personhood in the last 6 months, but one of the deepest and quietest ones is i've stopped identifying as "a musician" or "a singer." if i'm introducing details abt my personhood now, the first thing i lay claim to is "writer" and the second (if it comes up) is "artist"—and i maybe wouldnt even notice this, except i got my current job thru a friend at my old choir job, so i was introduced to this space as A Musician. and now when i'm actually sitting to chat w a person, i mention the writing, and the art, and often receive "gosh, on top of being a musician?! you do it all!!" and i have this really striking moment of cognitive dissonance. bc god, that's not my word anymore, and god, that would shock the person that i was so deeply. bc i had hung so much of myself on that Word, right? i formed all of myself around a profession that had been hurting me deeply since the age of 8. why was i doing that? why was i clinging to it so fearfully for so long?

and sitting here just now, i realized that i was clinging to that concept of myself because i believed, really and truly, that singing was the only thing that made me valuable.

and now what? 24 years after i slapped "SINGER" on my soul and called it proof of an essential worth that should never have been in question in the first place?

now, i have a job that i was immediately and uncomplicatedly good at, where people immediately and uncomplicatedly valued me simply for being warm and curious. now, i have a collection of weird, wonderful friends who want me around even when i'm miserable, which i know bc they will say "man you are so miserable rn, come over here and be wet and pathetic on my couch and i can feed you." now!! now, it's become stunningly easy to know myself as valuable in my entirety, bc i now do so many things for so many people that have nothing to do with music—and even when i do it clumsily or unhappily, i'm still met with gratitude for trying in earnest.

and like obviously that's all huge and wonderful and astonishing, but the most joyous side effect of all rn is that this sense of inherent worth has finally, finally freed me from the paralyzing doubt i've been mired in about my own original fiction. suddenly, i'm in love with my own ideas, and with the process of refining them. i'm in love with my ever-evolving characters and the stories they're here to tell. i'm in love with my willingness to ride out the bad drafts and the dozens of rerolls for scenes that didn't go in the right direction (my scraps doc for Book is 88 pages; Book is 50). like!! for real? for real!!!! i am making things that i am so emotional about, so proud of, so challenged by, and i honestly didn't think i was capable of that at this point. i thought i'd missed the cut-off somewhere along the way. but i didn't, bc i'm here now, chipping away with whole-hearted determination.

just. im sitting here and marveling at having become, quite suddenly, a person who no longer looks at his life and says, "this experiment is unsustainable." bc i did think that. i said to myself almost daily for about 15 years, in this exact phrasing, "i am an unsustainable person." i very sincerely thought i was going to just cease to exist somewhere along the way, in a very undramatic and inevitable way. how miserable is that? how cold is that? how did i bear that for so long?

idk!!! idk, i am just so fucking proud of myself for being who i am now, and im proud of the past versions of me who gritted their teeth through three decades of grief and doubt and violence to get here, and i'm proud of the hard-won willingness to keep changing when it would have been easier in many ways to set myself in stone—and i'm proud of my fucking WRITING, jesus fucking god am i proud of it, i really really cannot wait to share this story 🥹

ok the end, if you read this i am kissing you on the mouth, and if you didn't, i am still kissing you on the mouth, only it's probably a lot more confusing for you bc you don't know why i'm doing that, anyway remember to get yr covid booster + flu shot, ily

[blorbocedes]

okay this is gonna be long and it has nothing to do with haunted houses BUT with ghosts (i guess?) so. i work in a hospital and one of my patients was in a really critical condition. honestly no one thought he could get through the night and we alarmed the family accordingly. the grandma of the patient was really convinced tho that he would survive. i noticed other family members trying to talk her out of it i guess? (if you could call it that). telling her that the hope is misplaced and they were being really really harsh w her (and im saying that as someone who was also dead convinced that he would die so). anyways i talked to the sister, a teenager, sixteen i think and she told me that the grandma was so convinced that the patient was gonna survive because the grandma herself had a near death experience where the ghost of her husband told her that all family members would live to an old age and only then die. the sister was trying to joke about it but i noticed that she was spooked, telling me that since the dead husband of the grandma showed up the grandma was a completely different person. talking to the 'ghost', offering him gifts etc. i didn’t really know how to respond, a lot of my answers were like 'oh 😀okay😀' and i didn’t want to judge this random grandma i never met yk BUT when i walked past the room of the patient the grandma was in there and kind of praying? she leaned heavily over his bed whispering something over and over again. save him or something idk. my mother got really sick that same night and i had to drive like two hours to her house, i was excused off work and only the next week i went back to the hospital. i asked after the patient and another nurse who overheard me said 'god saved him' in a really monotone voice. i thought she was joking, laughing, but she was completely serious. not only did the patient survive but the bed slipped two meters next to its original place, directly in front of a cross we’ve hung up there. i didn’t know how to react, i asked if she spoke to the grandma because that’s the only one i could think of right now weirdly and the nurse looked at me weirdly and said 'no i spoke to her husband tho' and the story hasn’t left me ever since. still don’t believe in ghosts tho lmao

oh shit... Grammy deffo saw something.

I think that's what I find so beautiful about faith - it can be so real and powerful if you believe in it. obviously the rational scientific explanation is that a near death experience, not enough blood to the oxygen, having a hallucination of a loved and telling you what comforts you in that moment. and it is not uncommon for ppl post traumatic experiences to have a complete shift in personality, and grieving ppl seeing hallucinations of loved ones. and medical miracles happen everyday thru sheer probability

obv if grandma had been wrong and that person had died we would've been like oh that was a grieving person trying to have hope. but because she ended up being right she's even more steadfast in her faith of what her husband said, and that is completely real for her. who r we to say it wasn't

cool anecdote Ty for sharing

[neonstatic]

Ahh I can't sleep until I get this out of my system.

Sometimes I rly feel like I blew it. I have little desire for romance so I've never tried anything and don't feel like putting myself out there either. I'm almost certain I could live a very fulfilling life in total celibacy. I do fantasise abt romance tho, constantly, cus it's fun and it's free. But sometimes I'll find myself thinking abt the few opportunities that came my way... Most of it happened in the last five yrs. I've had a glow up of sorts: stopped hiding my body and started wearing clothes that actually fit me, found ways of expressing myself thru fashion, idk if my face changed or if I just realised that I'm cute actually? All those factors contributed to getting some attention and I'm not used to it and frankly, idk that I wanna do smth abt it. I've pretty much ran away from advances every time. And not bc I wasn't interested! Even when I could admit to myself that I did like this person in more than a strictly friendly way, I just came up w a bunch of reasons why it didn't matter and that it wouldn't work. And my feelings never felt that intense anyway. It's always, "Eh, I'll get over it." And then I did! For the most part.

But there's this girl... idk why she keeps crossing my mind. We met at a BIPOC sapphic event she organised and I already admired her for putting this together. She was beautiful and funny and smart, and I just found her so cool. And somehow, she thought much the same abt me! She said I was cute, she laughed at my jokes and she even found my awkwardness endearing. She didn't find me boring or off-putting, and knew how to keep the conversation going even when I went quiet. We definitely clicked. At the time, I didn't realise I was feeling romantically abt her. I didnt even know I was flirting. I was just familiar with the song and dance. (Turns out, my socialising looks a lot like flirting.) I was super caught off-guard when she asked me out on a date. I kinda felt like running off but I just smoothly rejected her and walked home w my friend.

"You don't even know me!" is what I wanted to say. What made her think I'm dating material? I don't see much when I look at myself and I realise it's bc I know myself way more and I'm my biggest critic, but even then... I wonder what ppl think when they look at me. What do they see? What do I make them feel?

At the event, I didn't mingle much w everyone else, was lowkey glued to my friend's side (who's way more extroverted) and I was just sipping a can and steadily getting tipsy... What tf did she see? And, will anyone else be able to see that again? I feel like she must've been real special to find me charming at my worst - i.e. me at a function. Absolutely rizzless, borderline pathetic. What if that was my one shot and I blew it? And when I meet God and whine abt being a loveless loser, He'll stare me down and say, "I sent you a baddie but you passed on her, stupid." What if I doomed myself bc I chickened out of a date w a pretty girl I definitely liked back in some ways? And how do I recover from the shame. It's been over two yrs, get over it, oh my gosh.

Bc truth is, if by some miracle, we reconnected and she asked me out again... I would not say yes. My ass is not ready for a relationship. I don't even feel like I'm made for it. I think I'm a good friend (but could always improve), an alright sibling, an alright child, an insignifiant cousin/grandchild/relative... I just feel fundamentally inadequate in relationships! Be it romantic or platonic or wtv. But where I agree that I do well as a friend, Idk that I'd be a worthwhile partner. Even tho romance is just friendship with extra parts. I could start kissing and sucking on a homie of my choosing and we'd be lovers, technically, no?

Do I not care abt romance that much or have I fooled myself into thinking so to spare my own feelings of inadequacy? Could be a mix of both. I want love and I want to experience it, but I don't care enough to look for it and I will run away from it. What a mess. What a fkg bummer.

Ah, maybe I rly did blow it. Or maybe I'm thinking too much.

Maybe I should sleep.

[itoshi-s]

I thought of something tame, out of the bllk boys who do you think went to an all boys school?? (Then gets flustered when talking to girls but i said tame so erase this part out... unless) - 💔

OOOOH that's such a cute idea actually !!!!!!!!!!!! also such a good base for some.. lovely..... yandere scenarios....... ANYWAY !

i'd say shidou!!!!!!! cause that mans so jittery and aggressive and just a ticking bomb....... imagine all the trouble he gets into for starting fights over the smallest shit akjfhsasf it's just an.. experience lol he doesn't have issues talking to girls that much tbh,, mostly because he's just so intimidating that the girls are usually the flustered ones whenever they try to hit him up 😭 he's scary lets admit it .. even tho he's like SICKENINGLY hot akhfal but yep. ryusei in an all boys school. it just makes sense to me !!!!

ALSO maybe...... maybe barou........ it'd be SUCH a good environment 4 him to develop that king mindset and all these tendencies looool the testosterone ??? the competition ??????? idk i just have a feeling it would fit him quite well !!! then he's not maybe awkward around girls per se,, actually he's rly confident in himself (man knows he's built like a literal god..... and that everyoneeeee is going fucking crazy after him lol) and gets all the girls he ever wants - but tbh it does kinda ruin the whole grind mindset loool. mans just doesn't have time for all that dating shit. (until he meets this one person that just changes it - and it's such a shock and something so brand new,, THAT'S when he starts to get real flustered and realises that him always being around guys and never living thru the high school crushes thing is real bothersome :.))

BACHIRA !!!!! also has sm potential for this. bet he'd get sm shit from the guys from his football team :/ he does in canon sooo lol but idk he'd be just such a fun guy to be around though u know ?? he's focused on soccer and his studies & gets absolutely, utterly flabbergasted when u talk to him. look at him like u like him !!!!!! he stumbled over his words and blushes but has the widest grin on his face !!! </3 then turns borderline obsessive w u kjghsalgkjs

[ancientgoddessofegypt]

Behold, The Gods Have Entered Thru The Flesh, And Have Come To Remove What No Longer Works.

Sun Conjunct Pluto

& Their Power With Life & Death. Transformation & The Power Of Their Essence.

Beings of light who have been struck down to the dark, they come to bring forth whats hidden and illuminate it on the path of their enlightenment. Growth is in inescapable thing for this earth dwellers, as their soul purpose is to heal and transform as they go through life. At an early age they know that life and death is something that coexists and not to be shamed of, however at the age they are growing into that idea so they become wise as they allow life to show them the ropes of this what lies ahead.

Hidden knowledge is something they get very discreetly, their auras are able to find all deep information that most the world cant comprehend. They are occultists, with out the witchcraft. They are magicians without the magic. The spell caster without the use of spells, they are simply Gods in the body of flesh casterating as a human to obtain more of this crazy experience.

Sun conjunct Pluto individuals are masterminds in their own right. They come to abstract knowledge from beings who are in the light, bringing it back to those who stay hidden in the dark so that we can see whats been lost for so long. These individuals know what its like to feel ashamed, fearful and powerless. To the point they help others reach back far and wide to retrieve their wings that was lost so long ago. They are the fallen angels that have rose up from the dead and come back with a vengeance to heal the wounds of the living who fell into the zombie apocalypse. All that lost power comes back to them tenfold, and after burning into flames and coming back as a bird with rageful wings they show the world that death is inescapable even when still breathing.

Going through many doors in their psyche they have developed a sense of mastery with forming a new way of being here in reality. Its like they became a new person over night, but this was all in the works many years ago. They knew exactly who they are and what they want to be, shedding the demons of the past so that the present can be nice and the future amazing. Like a cat they have about 9+ lives and can go again and again and again. Curious to know what is hiding in their unconscious, they travel down scary worlds just to get the information they seek.

Their captivating auras is no match for those who long to hide in the shadows, as they are simply the shadow themselves. They lurk in the swamps, the caves, and the unground trails of hidden languages of the psyche and come back to us with this inner knowing of what it feels like to be you. What I mean is, these people can see beyond the veils of others just by mere contact and association with them. They can learn you even if you haven't learned yourself. By your mannerisms and the way you speak they can catch a glimpse of the real persona while you are either aware or unaware of this. Not something they can turn off and can be seen as some sort of blessing or curse. Capable of hearing your words and thoughts before you say them out loud, if was your body language that gave it away and your brain gave off a sensor for them to feel the vibration of what was to come next. Their auras have a powerful darkness that a person who has the 'eye' can see. Most cant see it but it is very much felt, magnetizing you to get a feel of what exactly is lurking around them. It is their personal power that is awakened and its at full bloom. They know themselves and their not going to allow you take it from them after being so badly beaten for having it. Sun conjunct Pluto studied themselves so much to the point where they have gone crazy trying to figure their own self out, trying to put themselves in a box, trying to make themselves fit in. It doesnt work.

They MUST be who they are, or it will turn out deadly.

Their power comes from who they came here to be, a God. A Goddess. It is in their bloodstream. They've come to master this existence and live as many lives as they possibly can before they die and go back to their spirit home.

In the end, we learn a lot from these individuals and can safely say that transforming our existence goes a long way and its not something to be ashamed of.

Ase!

[lost-in-interwebs]

NOT to be weird but i found your take on fallout 4 so interesting as someone who is also from MA. when i played thru it initially on release i was all jazzed about it for that exact reason, but over time/the years ive grown bitter about fo4 because i feel like it failed to capture the culture/charm of MA outside of some set dressing (even then, i felt like they often didnt capture the "look" of MA very well if that makes sense). ANWAY didnt mean to dump this as a weird confession, im genuinely curious to hear abt ur thoughts as someone also from MA who played through fo4 if u dont mind me asking.. what helped amplify the experience for you?

Oh my god I felt the same god damn way. Over the years the charm is gone. It's all set dressing. THEY DONT EVEN HAVE CLAM CHOWDER. There are no rabbits. Maine gets rabbits but we don't get rabbits???

For me, it was just personal memories. The Swan Pond was just devastating. As a child my mother took me out in the swan boats and I dropped my favorite Dumbo toy in the water and was bereft. The entire boat stopped to help me get it back before it was submerged in the deep. We have pictures of that day. Kilmore Square is really important to me because I used to go into the old Church on Newbury Street to work with a professional choir in the summer. And it also led to the Women's Mental Health facility I spent time at when I was suicidal. Seeing super mutants take over that familiar road and raiders sitting pretty in Hangman's Alley just broke my heart. That road is familiar. Malden Catholic was one of my school's rivals in basketball. Seeing the Boston Children's Science Museum empty and in a little building was infruriating. There is no Boston Aquarium. And I get it, even Emil jokes in the text that there just wasn't enough space to fit it all.... but no Make Way for Ducklings? No Blueberries for Sal moment in Far Harbor? Come on Emil, you lived here. Breath some fucking life and character into this place. We have the second largest Chinatown behind New York. My father used to buy me ceramic chopsticks and fans and silk pajamas. I loved Chinatown and it isnt there. I live near Salem so seeing the Witch museum was wild especially after living in my first apartment alone down the street from it. But it's all submerged. Beverly is gone. Salem is gone. There's nothing there. And that'd my home home that's the Northshore that's my home. And there's nothing...

Real tangible memories I can return to as I please but they are ruins in this game. It's so much easier for me to roleplay as a Pre War mother who grew up in Boston only to live to see it fall.

I had to ride the blue line, the one where you find Nick Valentine, for my first job interview. The game is haunted by ghosts to me. But it's my ghost. Also I had to contend with the fact that everyone I love would have been dead in 200 years. My mom, my sister, my cousins, aunts and uncles, friends, enemies. Only I remain to tell their stories. AND I WISH YOU COULD DO SOMETHING WITH THAT. That's tangible.

Fallout 4 is so close and yet so distant. I feel like in order to truly be there you have to be able to smell how bad that ocean water must smell. You gotta feel the slime on the rocks as you climb up out of the ocean. You need to feel the barnacles scrape against your knees. You gotta taste the salt of the water before it turns sweet on your tongue. But you can't get that in a video game. You have to live it.

Also the addiction... Addiction is so prevalent here in Mass. There's not a soul I don't know that wasn't effected by the opioid crisis. And they treated it soooooooo vaguely. It's empty. And the jab at AA and personal therapy was so.... mean spirited as an addict myself.

Also our entire fishing culture is just.... gone. No mention no game mechanic to do it. Save that all for Maine. Which is fucking bogus. Also the voices.... the voices and the accents. Some you can tell are acted. Some feel real enough. I wish they would got some fucking guys off the street to voice a few NPCs. ALSO LYNN???? You didn't do anything with "Lynn Lynn the city of sin you won't come out the way you came in"??? It's fucking perfect. There could have been something with that. Maybe something like Evergreen Mills but functional and cooler. idk these are such insane ramblings and if you can glean any answers from this take it.

[dracothedeatheatingcupcake-ao3]

slides into your inbox

hi i uh. drank a sinister potion (dr. pepper) on the way to school this morning and the problem with perfection filled my head for the fiftieth time so. i'm here now. soooo uh, warning for a very crazy caffeine induced audhd rant. 👍

i just like.... kinda wanna let u know how much this fic means to me. like fr. like seriously. it means a lot to me. we've been mutuals for a while so i feel like now's def a good time (and a long time coming lmao)

iirc i found ur fic when i was in the danganronpa trenches in like, 2021/2022 i think? it was summer and i had nothing better to do with my free time and i was super bored and ishimondo was my personality and i found it while going thru ao3 and was like "yeah. this sounds cool"

and i did NOT know what i was getting into let me tell you. adored the writing really fast. ur skill level actually blew me the fuck away like. instantly. all the characters were incredibly in character, everything was so detailed and i LOVED the fact that you made your writing very emotion driven. like you wrote a lot with like, exaggerated punctuation and pauses and spaces and stuff that i rarely ever see but i feel like your writing was like, so much better for that??? its something i've started to use in my writing because it just draws you in so much and just. puts you into their shoes almost instantly. like it sounds like you're in their head. like i think like that (got that narrator brain in me) and it was just so cool to see someone write like that. got a lot of good moments

and i honest to god binged that fic because it had me by a chokehold. like i'm talking i barely got sleep because i was so excited to read the next chapter the next day that my body would wake me up earlier. and i'd pull it out and binge the next chapter. and when i got to a point where the chapters where still being updated, i remember checking like. every sunday night or so every week to see if it got updated. so many cliffhangers that i was not normal about..........

and i recommended it to EVERYONE i knew that was into danganronpa. like i did not care if they usually read fanfiction or not i would sit there and go on infodump rants about this gay fanfiction i found on the gay fanfiction site and ik i confused them but like. that was how good it was to me. felt like it was a real book. and not only that i honest to god felt like i was reading about me.

like the way you wrote taka meant and continues to mean so much to me to this fucking day because i rarely ever see characters that are like me, at least in an honest to god way. and i was already connected to taka and loved him but i think you made him feel like an extension of me in a way and it just like. idk. it spoke to me man. ik i sound dramatic but it did.

like an autistic queer kid with a strict parent being thrown into so many situations where you just automatically assume everyone else is watching you, judging you, based on past trauma and experiences and just. at the same time so emotional and passionate and just genuine for lack of a better term. and the panic attacks that were written i actually almost had some during reading it because i felt it. that felt like me honest to god (not a bad thing btw!!! i am ok!! but that's a compliment because that's how accurate it was!!)

and during a time where i was dating people who just. idk its hard to explain. i knew they cared about me but there were so many times where there were disconnects. sexuality and gender (gender's not really a part of the story ik but yk what i mean) was a big one. and i felt how he would feel when mondo wasn't exactly the best when it came to his behaviors and expressions of love.

and now i'm with someone who is like. mondo at all his best moments. and even when he matches mondo's lower ones it feels like, there's more times where we can do what they did in the fic and work through it. be there for each other because even if we're both fucked up yk we can like. work through it. and that's so cool honestly?? its not transactional, it means something. i've felt both sides and it's so. crazy to me. it's just wild.

and while i didn't read a lot of it (mental health was NOT in a space where i could i'm gonna be so real) the other installment, the one where mondo comes over to taka's house and they gotta hide and stuff? i've felt that. god i've felt that. my current boyfriend (also a trans man) and i have had so many times where we've had to act as "friends" and hide our romantic gestures and being so deathly afraid of getting caught yk?

idk this fic made me feel seen, and i wonder if there's like... anyone else that feels that way. idk i feel like their definitely is. and i just kinda wanna like. thank you for writing something that just. made me feel heard in a time when i really really needed it. even if we didn't know each other it felt so wild to have a stranger sit there and give me and indirect hug and let me know that i am not the only guy struggling out there with this stuff. it's changed the way i view myself and how i view the world and it's so cool to me that even fanfiction of all things can do that. that's nuts man. you did that and i really wanna emphasize that you should be proud of that. that's so cool. you're writing is so fucking cool man.

and also another thing i. love. that you also wrote about sex being a form of like. expressing love for some people. i am demisexual so like. seeing a character that seemed to also exhibit that and really only feel and have that strong attraction to someone they love romantically and have a connection with, and do it to let the other person know they love them. it's like. that's cool. that's so cool. i'm shaking you that's so cool /pos

and while i'm not fixated on dr right now (as you can. probably tell. (btw obligatory "watch lego monkie kid but also you do not have to i just wanna let you know its cool" plug because of Tha Autism(tm)), and while my comic i was going to make is on a very long hiatus bc adhd is beating the shit out of me, i really want you to know how much i appreciate this fic and how much it just. lives in my brain. how much it makes me emotional to this day because it spoke to me; some random dude who was just getting out of high school who fucking needed that really really bad. and also i want you to know how excited i was when we become mutuals and i'm really really lucky to have someone so cool as my mutual, and you've become even cooler in my brain now that we're kinda yk. in a vaguely similar circle.

anyways i appreciate you so much!!!! and even if we're in different fandoms and stuff, and even if tpwp is also not being continued/on a hiatus i still appreciate what you did with it, and what you do now. don't understand all the fandoms you post but i got that respect for it. i'm in the corner with pom poms cheering u on.

so um. yeah! that was long. but i'm hyped up on caffeine and neurodivergent so ujhm. yea. hopefully this made sense lmao

~ your very much not normal mutual tyler 👍

Okay, sorry for the late response, I saw this when I got up this morning and needed the day to figure how to respond because this was. So much (in a good way I promise!!!!)

So, first of all, THANK YOU FOR THIS!! It's easy as a fic writer to feel discouraged with your writing, or to feel like you're not as "good" as other people, and it's things like this that remind me that whether or not I'm a "good writer," what I write does matter to people. And that's just... really special to me, so thank you for writing this all. It means so much to me.

I'm glad you like the dramatic pauses and the way I write, though! When I was younger, I always tried to limit doing that sort of thing, since I knew it wasn't considered "good" or "proper" writing. But with TPWP I just... decided to let myself write how I wanted to write and not think too much about it. I wrote TPWP kind of how I think, because I wanted it to feel like it was Taka's thoughts and emotions, even if it wasn't in first person. And I'm really glad that came across!

I've always been really big into psychology and introspection, which is one of the main reasons I write about things like that a lot. I like to get into characters heads and try to figure them out. See what they'd be like if this thing happened, or if this thing hadn't happened, etc. I write about struggles, because I struggled as a kid, but in more quiet ways. I mean, all things considered I had a good life. supportive, loving parents and older brother, good grades, people generally liked me and I never got in trouble. But I was so determined to do well that I psyched myself out. I was terrified of disappointing people and losing what I had, and I crumbled in middle and high school. Luckily I had good parents so I was able to stumble through it, but it always left me feeling isolated, since I could never articulate why I felt so off inside. It wasn't until I took an "abnormal psych" class in college that I even realized I had intense anxiety.

All of this to say that I'm glad I was able to resonate with you through my writing. I could never find the words to articulate myself when I was younger, so I took to writing to try and connect with people, to get a message across. Most of my stories have some form of "moral" or "lesson" that I'm trying to get across, lessons that I had to learn myself growing up. TPWP's was that perfection is impossible and that you have to learn to accept yourself for who you are. Honestly, I put the most of myself into Taka, since while I never had a distant parental figure who wanted me to be absolutely perfect, I was kinda that figure to myself. I wanted so badly to be "perfect" and "the favorite" and when I wasn't, I freaked out. I shut down and couldn't even explain to my parents why. So, with TPWP, I wanted to let other people know that it's okay to just... be you.

I don't know if any of this is making any sense, sorry. I had a long day at work and my head is a bit jumbled. Mostly just... thanks for writing this. Things have been tough lately between school and work, and it's nice to be reminded that my stories do matter to people. I never wanted to be a professional writer, but I did always want to write something that made someone, somewhere, feel something. Hopefully something good, something cathartic.

Oh, and as for the sex thing... that was honestly unintended, ha. But I'm Ace, so to me, that's what sex is. Or what it should be. A way to connect emotionally with your partner above all else. Honestly, the only reason I wrote sex into TPWP was to explore the way it would interact with their friendship, not to be like... sexual, ha. Glad you liked how I wrote it!

Anyway, thanks again for writing this!! And I'm glad we're mutuals too! Yeah, I am part of some interesting fandoms on my main blog, but I'm glad it's not too off-putting, ha. I'll try and check out that show some day, though! I don't have a lot of emotional energy to get into a new show at the moment (as I'm sure some people can understand, since starting a new fandom can be a lot at times), but maybe once (IF) things calm down for me I'll take a look! I have seen a lot of posts about the monkie kid show, not just from you, so it's something I might check out one of these days. I'm mostly waiting for Our Flag Means Death season 2 to air tomorrow so I can get washed away into Pirate Town for the next month or so, while the episodes release. 😅😅😅

[junipercastor]

why r there no reasonably objective reviews for eternal sunshine of the spotless mind its annoying, it is an emotional story sure but literally every reviewer takes it so personally i guess cuz its a breakup story? i feel like (maybe fittingly) that peoples emotion about their past experiences determine whether or not they'll like the film, most positive reviews mention it meaning a lot to them or referenced the past, the negative/indifferent reviews usually say it stirred nothing in their hearts and left more to be desired

i agree with both, really i think the movie's material is good to be honest, it succeeds at reaching u thru the screen with scenes abt loss n letting go vs holding on. but also.. it sucks. like u get the idea that in better hands the movie would have came out even better, but oh well. shout out to the cinematographer ellen kuras she did a good job. but the script writer is lazy and his script sucks, he had good actors saying lines that fell absolutely flat on their face, lol

my biggest ill with esotsp is the female lead clementine bc like . Why did the scriptwriter make her talk like that oh my god. also i know the movie is from mostly joel's perspective but whyyy do we get no backstory about clementine. its like she literally just spawned in. u get the feeling that she could be a figment of joel's imagination, for all tangible connection her character has to reality. also there is basically no distinction between real life clementine and joel's mind projection clementine, they both feel very 2d and flat. n that isnt like a clever trick like "ohoho joel cant see her for who she really is" nah i think charlie kaufman literally just cant see a woman beyond the lens of his own personal identity as a Sensitive And Artistic White Boy (much like joel), therefore he's shitty at writing one.

ok tldr i enjoyed the film for its themes and directing but the script is shitty and the characters are shitty and the dialouge is awful as well

[moonjxsung]

star i know i dmed u about this but like i cant. i cant. AAADSJDJDADJSDKJDJDDS I HAVE SO MUCH TO SAY ABT THE CONCERT (ISABEL LAROSA + ARI ABDUL GODS WATCHING TOUR!!!) I WENT TO YESTERDAY

I GOT THERE AT THE VENUE AND FOR SOME REASON EEVRYTHING WAS DELAYED BY AN HOUR AND I DONT . I DONT KNOW I WAS DEVASTATED I WAS LIKE SHIT I CANT EVEN SEE THE SECOND PERSON PERFORMING (IT WAS A DUAL TOUR) AD IW AS SO SAD BUT SOMEHOW. BY SOME MIRACLE. MY DAD TEXTED ME AND WAS LIKE "IM SO TIRED PLZ COME USING THE TRAIN" HOLY SHIT. I COULD STAY AS LONG AS I WATN AS LONG AS I COULD DRIVE THE LIE EVEN FURTHER WITH MY MOM. AND THATI EXACTYL DID!!@#!@#!@# I KNOW I SHOULDNT BE SO EXCITED AND HAPPY ABOUT LYING BUT IM JUST. HAPPY I GOT THIS EXPERIENCE INT EHE FIRST PLACE. LIKE THIS WAS THE BEST POSSIBLE OUTCOME. I GET TO GO HOME BY MYSELF, I DONT GET CALLED BY MY PARENTS, I GET TO SEE (ALMOST) THE ENTIRE SHOW, I GET FRONT ROW VIEW?? LIKE IT WAS LITERALLY THE BES TPOSSIBLE OUTCOME AND I THINK PERAHPS IT WAS A REWARD FOR THE SHITTY WEEK IVE HAD THIS ENTIRE WEEK. YETSERDAY SINGLEHANDEDLY MADE UP FOR IT. I LEFT THE VENUE AROUND 11:40 PM ISH??? AND GOT HOME AROUND 1 AM LMFAO how was i not questioned at all idk. i dont wanna jinx it like what if my mom asks me today abt everything i did. but also what the fuck how was i able to get away with such a big lie WHILE keeping it for HOURS???????????? HOURS PAST THE TIME I SAID ID BE OUT?!?!? no but like i cant beleive that these people are REAL like wym iw as in the same ROOM AS THEM? IC ANT. I CANNOT! the first girl (isabel) was BEAUTIFUL like ic ouldnt stop staring at her at all she was GLOWING. the crowd was lowkey fake and dead af tho.....like live in the moment stop staring at your phones tryna get aperfect fancam of her this aint a kpop concert!!!!!!!!! you came here FOR her not a recording of her!!!!!! well i undertsad the recording part bcs i was recordin gtoo but liek NO ONE WAS JUMPING OR SINGING ALONG OTEHR THAN ME BASICALLY AD IW AS LIKE WTF?!?! i love her older music so when she performed one of my favorites (heaven) i almost cried out of joy. but the crowd wasnt evenr ecording or singing along so i hope they were at least admiring her in person bcs she truly looked heavenly. like an angel. the white spotlight was shining down on her and she looked liek she had WINGS bro. i cant believve i got to see this live. INCLUDING ONE OF HER UNRELEASED SONGS THAT IM JUST SO IMPANTIENT FOR. NOW I HAVE AN UNOFFICIAL RECORDING OF THE ENTIRE SONG FOR ME TO LISTEN TO UNTILT HE ACTUAL RELEASE! i actually like her older songs a lot and one of my faves from her next to heaven is closer but she never performed that </3 i guess it was never on the setlist and she never performed it live pensive emoji stop i said i was near the stage nad i ltierally was like i dmed u the video of one of the girls (ari) TOUCHING MY HAND .. WHAT THE FUCL. I ALMOST ORGASMED HER VOICE IS SO HOT SED HELP stop her normal speaking voice made me DIZZY. it was raspy and lowkey deep and so like. so. it was giving dominant. why was she speaking liek that thru the mic do you want me to explode in my pants . someone needs to study me and my infatuation w women that have sexy deep voices like i also am heavily obsessed with fu hua from honkai impact bcs her voice is so hot and Ugh okay lets not get into the voice kink (guess my skz bias if u couldnt already from my previous asks .) BRO SHE STARTED TAKING OFF HER TIE TOO I ALSO SENT U THAT CLIP LIKE IAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAOKAJOASKOAKOAOKOkookakokoakoakokaskodaidjaddsk

while i was buying merch before i left (i had to leave before the last two songs from ari, one of them being my faves </3 bcs i didnt wanna risk it any further) i was telling the girl by the stand that i had to be discreet bcs my paretns did Nawt know i was at a concert and some girl w her mom overheard and laughed and we made small talk and her mom was like "dont even worry about sneaking out for a concert, ive done worse as a kid. im glad you were able to give yourself this experience bcs we only live once" and i was like 🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹🥹 damn some validation from a mother that isn't even mine surely feels nice. ANYWAYS. i got a signed photobook from them! i really wanted a shirt w the tourdates but alas my paretns once again dont know i was at hte concert and they are also religious as fuck and im pretty sure any shirt that mentions god in a nonreligious context would get my ass beat. Im still in disbelief like how did i even get away with this i cant believe it. also im crying bcs in order to drive the "conference" image, i went dressed in a whole business formal outfit LMFAOFOOFO you kow that meme that slike "me at my wedding vs me at some other event" with that guy. yeah that was me. me at my wedding (in my pjs) vs me at the gods watching tour (in an all black blazer outfit)

anyways yeah thank you for the lil pep talk you gave me and your comments on it <3 im glad i took the risk and went and therefore i had to tell you everything about it.

SPEAKING OF CONCERTS I SAW THAT U GOT LOLLAPALOOZA TICKETS!!! CONGRATSSSSS I HOPE YOU HAVE FUN WHEN YOU GO!

- 💫

HELDPDOSKKEMFKFKEKRKJRKTT THE LAST PART OF THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO HARD W YOUR REFERENCE TO THE MEME W THE SUIT AND RHE CASUAL DRESS PLEELWKKSKXKEEO THATS SO REAL 😭😭😭😭 NO but real talk im so fucking glad you went AND that everything somehow worked out in your favor????? YOUR DAD COINCIDENTALLY GETTING TIRED HOLY FUCKKKKK I always feel bad when something happens where I can’t be 100% honest with my parents but like that lady said it’s literally worth it because it’s a once in a lifetime thing!!!! When I first bought tickets to see bts and booked my hotel and flight and everything I told my parents nothing but the bank called about the charges and they found out and I felt soooo bad but I literally regret NOTHING like concerts are such a fleeting thing and you gotta take advantage and GO when you can!!!! Holy fuck dude though I can’t believe you got that CLOSE to them??? AND GOT AN UNRELEASED SONG???? I do know Isabel from tik tok her music’s GOOOOOD (she’s always the audio in those hot ass skz edits djkekekckdkdkd) BUT I CANT BELIEVE YOU GOT TO BE SO CLOSE TO THEM also getting a signed photobook????!:!:!:!!:!:!:!.! YOU WON SOOOO GOOD BESTIE 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏 IM SO GLAD YOU WENTTTT I hope you’re able to take advantage of whenever you have special opportunities and that you always get this lucky!!!! Don’t feel guilty about lying either one day these years will be mere memories and you got out of it clean so relax and celebrate bc YOU GOT TO BE SOOO CLOSE TO YOUR FAV FUCKING ARTISTS HOW COOL IS THAT……… ILY BBY MANIFESTING MORE MOMENTS LIKE THESE FOR U IN THE FUTURE 🫶💓💖💞💘🩷💕

[tuzesdays]

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

(This can also be in dms :3)

its 3am and someone just set off two fireworks directly outside my home so hi andy good morning lets talk dayshift

so i use grammarly and basic spelling correct to edit, right? what yall dont see, that i do, is before every chapter i plug everything into the text box and let grammarly go at it - usually this ends up with.... id say the average number of corrections it suggests is around 70. and every time, i go thru the whole thing checking every correction because man, grammarly does NOT know how real people talk. theres a certain cadence to verbal speech yknow? something i try to emulate in my regular texting style, but in a properly formatted story its different (not harder or easier, different) because while you cant capitalize random words for Emphasis, you CAN do a whole bunch of other stuff: dashes, sentence breaks, i especially like to split a chunk of dialogue in half with a described action. maybe not every misspelling is intentional, but all the words are.

and some of the stuff i thought about is NEVER - or at least UNLIKELY to be - coming up in the story!! for instance, i dont do things like flashbacks. what you see of the characters background and experiences either comes from what they say or what their actions imply. sunbite gives the benefit of internal dialogue and memory, but its a yn fic so even thats spotty sometimes.

people who just read the fic would Never Know that sunbites blood relation father only ever saw them once. and i also dont include things that wouldnt be apparent to the characters- it has no effect on them, how would they ever know? how would sunbite ever know that they have a little sibling, possibly more than one? how would you ever know that obi's "heirlooms" from his grandmother included another ring passed down maternally for the last five generations with a decent sized sapphire on it? would you know that sunbite loves dogs because their first imaginary friend was one, and they named him Lucky? this stuff has no effect of them now, practically forgotten about. but its there cause i say it is.

storytelling is fucking Wild, dude. of course i took some inspiration from bamsara and naffeclipse (god damn at this point what dca writer hasnt a little bit) but also im pretty proud of my 'do no harm, take no shit' yn. it was always gonna be them, theyre the only person for the job in my mind. the way ive structured things and the way things are going to go, only people with that attitude - and that unkillable amount of hope and love - would be able to make it all the way through. maybe thats not the easiest character to project onto, but hey, its more a personal thing. dayshift go figure is, among other things, a power fantasy.

anyway, took the oppurtunity to ramble, its 3am. tldr; i put a lot of thought into word usage and character history, and most of those thoughts arent important to anyone but me.

[yellowocaballero]

HEY!! Your trigun swap au is so very good!! I've always loved roleswap aus as a concept, and yours is the perfect example of why. it's all about the balancing act of twisting the (swapped) character's background/mentalities for maximum domino effect while not actually *destroying* the character ya know? you still gotta recognize them, it's half of the fun. just some little nudges here... and there... with the delightful result of a changed plot/world that you can discover anew

Also I surprisingly vibe with Dr Knives. a lot. what can I say I guess it's the fucked up superiority-inferiority/guilt complex with a dash of imposter syndrome. also the transgenderism. he's just like me fr fr (minus the speciesism and bloodlust) 1/3

SPEAKING OF! I'm literally a week late for that but chapter 4 may be my favorite so far. it's got it all: Ww's bloodlust coming through and being given a GUN, M&M being #JustNormalGunsmokeKidsThings about it, Knives being incredibly tired and enthusiastically murderous in turns, TRANS PEOPLE!! Funky morally dubious trans men ! Intersex nonbinary Knives (in humans terms) !! small internal rants about ecosystems!

I particularly like that one bc I too found myself twitching whenever I see (in fics or fandom at large) Gunsmoke being shown as a ~hostile, barren~ planet when, like.... *waves agitedly at the Tomases* *waves frantically at the WORMS, in all their INCREDIBLY DIVERSIFIED sizes and shapes* tell me there isn't an entire ecosystem supporting and including these bad boys. And god do I wanna know about it. Terraforming this terraforming that. Enough. I want bio-worldbuilding fics that are just as weird and unhinged as the rest of trigun (2/3)

To go back to Nicholas : I loved his discussion with Knives about fate and predestination and stuff (esp since -I may be reading too much into it, but it’s interesting that Knives says he doesn’t believe in predestination anymore, and just a bit later goes about how his personality is Like That bc he’s Biologically Programmed for it), and his last words in it are especially ominous. WHAT were you gonna say about Vash. How does it concern Nicholas. This is gonna bite them in the ass later isn’t it.

Also ur last asks/answers REALLY doesn’t reassure me about woowoo’s fate. Is he gonna die. Is he gonna end up going thru the same things than his canon counterpart (concentrate of medical-and-general unethicality). Idk what those flags are for but boy They Are There.

Aallll that to say I absolutely love that fic and can't wait to see what you do next with it, thank you so much !! (3/3)

This is so nice thank you so much :D :D :D To comment in order:

Roleswaps are no fun if you can't recognize the character. You're absolutely right - the funnest part is to make the smallest changes possible, and see how they cause the biggest differences. That's true of every AU, honestly - you guys know those 600k shonen manga aus where something major is different but every story beat is identical to canon? Or they're identical to every other au? They're addictive but without substance. Also sounds boring to write.

It's so funny that you (and others) vibe with Dr. Knives! From my end, he has my own very wry deadpan and self-esteem problems. Characters who have both a ridiculously inflated ego for comedy purposes and some real self-esteem problems for drama purposes work great.

I was surprised that so many people enjoyed the trans thing so much! I didn't expect it to make people so happy. Of course it's a nice surprise. I don't remember why I made the BDN decision (funny, probably) or the 'Knives invented gender reassignment surgery' thing (funny definitely), but a very active decision and something that made Knives above every other character fun to write is that he is not a human being and does not think of himself as such. The way his body experiences emotion is different, his body itself is different in a way that probably includes genitalia, and there's no reason for him to experience gender the same way. As I'm about to talk about in the upcoming chapter, he casually refers to himself as a thing and with it/its and it doesn't affect his superiority complex whatsoever.

I...would not have said that this is trans by myself, if that makes sense, because I wouldn't have wanted to say "in order to really hammer in how this character is INHUMAN then I'm gonna make him not male or female and prefer neopronouns!". It's just the shape of the character, to me. BUT LIKE IF Y'ALL LIKE IT! NO PROBLEM! I was just worried I might be saying the wrong thing, so I didn't want to say it, if that makes sense. Y'all can say it though.

Trigun worldbuilding is nonsensical and hideously vague and as a writer if you stop and think too hard about silly questions like "where does the wood come from" or "why is Vash eating salmon sandwiches" then you go insane. But...yeah, Gunsmoke's like any other ecosystem, and its worms and thomases seem to be doing great! It's not Gunsmoke's fault it is almost completely uninhabitable to humans. It sucks for us, but...does Knives care about that??? Lmfao???

There is a shitton to say about Knives' relationship with predestination and inevitability, because it's why he made the worst decision of his life. I think of it as...reasonable, in a lot of ways. If all you knew about humanity was what you read in history textbooks, and human history ended with the destruction of Earth and themselves, how would you feel? Everything humans have done, they do again. And if they dissected your sister, in an act of cruelty that they had done to even themselves...of course you'd worry. Of course. If you're young and scared and you can hear the screams of the dead in your ears, of course you feel like it's going to be you or them. And if you're.........Millions Knives.......and reverse!Vash.....then eliminating the threat is just good business sense.

And you aren't reading too much into it - Trigun in so many ways is about choices, and the impact of your choices. Your decisions are you own, and you must take responsibility for them. Decisions have weight in Trigun. I think what ppl miss sometimes about Vash is that he also wants to fuckin' murder people sometimes. He wants to be violent, he wants to hurt. He just chooses not to. Sometimes choosing pacifism is a hard fucking choice, and I think wiping that away does a disservice to the character. So if Knives would say, "Well, it's just who I am, I had no choice, I had no control, I just go nuts and murder it's not on me..." - what does that mean, in Trigun? It's??? Like??? A pussy thing to say???

But, the way I thought about it - what Knives is fighting is his internal sense that he is predestined for cruelty. He knows "who he really is" and any attempt at goodness is futile, because he's secretly bad and will always be bad. And he fucks up sometimes and starts exploding worms. But Knives chooses goodness, and I don't think he's really cottoned on that his choice to do good is more important than his internal desires to do bad and his history of badness. Because he hates himself.

I think what Knives knows now as an adult is that our lives have paved a path for us to tread. Sometimes that path is innocent, and sometimes your life paves a very nasty path. But it's our choice if we walk it or not. Knives knows what his path is, and it gives him extreme shame - but he chose which one he walked, and that's what I judge him on. Still funny how much he loves murder though.

[lesbianrobin]

Here are some comments regarding your post on Twitter:

so the only black kids on that show loudly talk abt the racism they go thru and y'all dgaf but god forbid lesbianrobin on tumblr post a scenario that appeared to them in a dream, then everyone's sobbing in empathy and regret

And be worldwide called things while in character too, Will is judged and mistreated everyday in internet just for being gay. And Noah know this because he saw it.

bruh what? he’s an actor he was fine.

OUCH THE SECOND SENTENCE?

see this is why i switched it to unrebloggable on here people just be saying shit.

i will say that first comment about caleb and priah is so fucking real like caleb spoke very candidly and clearly about how he experienced racism and so many people were like oh that sucks. anyway! vs noah who like has said absolutely nothing negative about his experience and by all appearances is doing swell yet a bunch of weirdos on this website are on here writing like fanfic about how whenever will cried in s4 that was "noah's authentic queer pain" or whatever.

personally i made that post to be funny but people are seriously acting as if noah schnapp is like the most oppressed person in the world and it's kinda wild like pls he is making silly tiktoks about it he's fine