#Like I didn't ask for advice from a non-artist?? What do YOU know about art??

[akqrus]

Hahahahhahaha what if I gave up on the one thing I've been working for the past 4 years, Bc I might never be able to develop my art skills and become worthy of being called an "artist"?? Hahahahhahahahahahahhahahhaa

[meanbossart]

Ask Compilation: Advice, influences and Misc.

Apologies for taking so long on some of these, admittedly I'm much more likely to entirely forget about asks that are about me and my interests 💃 Thank you for all the questions regardless! And thank you specially to everyone who just drops nice messages into my inbox out of kindness.

I'm brazillian and a native portuguese speaker!

I'll probably return to twitter eventually, but a) I hate that place and b) It didn't make much sense to me to turn it into a BG3 account out of the blue. I am considering making an Instagram or a new twitter just to have more places where people can follow in case they don't care for tumblr, but it's just been a very busy year so far and so that's kind of low on the list of priorities. If I ever do that I'll be sure to announce it here. Have a nice day yourself!

Sorry to hear that! I've gotten a few messages before about this issue, and the problem is that since I am myself not from the US, my options are also limited :( a lot of patreon alternatives don't work for me because they either don't go through paypal, take insane currency conversion fees, or just straight up block me from signing up.

Speak for yourself, I just assume everyone I speak to online has committed some sort of atrocious crime until proven otherwise. Except for me - of course. I have never done anything bad in my life.

I still have a lot to learn! But I will basically use whatever works for me at the moment, as well as make a sincere effort to learn about musculature and anatomy so I can understand those components and how they move, instead of only knowing what they look like when still - that's how you get better at drawing from memory. Volume mostly comes from coloring and understanding light, which is it's own beast but can very much be learned from similar reference materials and observing it IRL!

My favorite places to get reference are medical diagrams, weird pictures I take of myself, 3D software (often Virt-a-mate) and questionably phrased image google searches.

My favorite artists are Jason Shawn Alexander and Sean Murphy, but I'm not sure how much of it reflects in my art nowadays! I generally seek to pick up techniques from artists rather than to emulate style.

Honestly I love that you guys generally do the thing he would hate the most: take him very non-seriously LOL

I've been in a real Chelsea Wolfe and Amyl And The Sniffers kick lately! But usually you'll also find me listening to stuff like Boy Harsher, Swans, FWF, JK Flesh Lingua Ignota, Nick Cave, David Bowie, and so on. Music for the weird gays, basically.

I went insane and wrote a 23-chapter-long-and-still-ongoing fic in like four months. But also - I'm not that good, I'm just shamelessly pretentious LOL

Hm. That's a good question, but I'm not really sure. Sincerely not trying to be a edgier-than-thou here (in fact, this has made me a little self conscious at one time or another) but a lot of art that I don't mean to be horror-y in nature at all has been associated with the genre. So perhaps I don't know what I'm doing either, LOL.

I think just leaning on making things look slightly "wrong" or "ugly" on purpose is the way, but I also find that if you just seek to depict people as they are instead of idealized versions of themselves, you will arrive at that either way.

Thank you for reading! Honestly, I'm guilty of having not read much at all since I was in my late teens, and the style I'm employing for ANE is very different from the things I would call "influential" for me, or even that I used to enjoy reading at all before. I read a lot of Chuck Palahniuk as a youth (and, no slight to people who do like him still, but nowadays I'm not sure why I ever did. His stories don't speak to me at all anymore) as well a lot of weird experimental lit that I didn't even care to remember the name of. My last book stint from one or two years ago was composed solely of historical and medical literature, and last year I got really into Cormac Mcarthy thanks to the internet.

So, all in all, I'm absolutely all over the place LOL if you put a gun to my head and told me to list my favorite books, I'd say The Indifferent Stars Above and Blood Meridian.

(Consider the reading portion of the question to have been answered above) I really really liked Beau is Afraid and think it's a really great "horror" movie. Sue me.

[insertsomthinawesome]

Sorry if this doesn’t make sense but how do you… art? Like from looking at your art, there’s just so many different fandoms and it’s all fantastic!! How do you not stick to one or feel like you *have* to stick to one? Sorry

Aw Friend! No need to apologize! :D You asked your question plenty politely! That's a really interesting question actually, and I'm fascinated to be asked it! Because I actually do know the kinda thing you're talking about! or at least I have experiences that feel like they line up with what you're asking. A lot of its... growing up? I guess? And not in the sense of like. becoming an adult. but the non-stop process of growing and learning more about life. When I was younger, an actual child, I just Did it. I drew whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. I didn't question hoping to a new interest or drawing different fandoms. I just did it. But the older you get the more complicated a lot of things get right? 😔 That was true for me.

I actually spent several years terrified, of moving on. Of leaving old fandoms behind. There was one fandom I actually forced myself not to leave for like... 2 years? Because I was afraid of all the projects I wouldn't complete, all the stories I wouldn't tell, all the art i wouldn't make. But honestly that was a horrible decision? It burnt me out of the specific fandom SO BADLY. Its only been around this last year that I've been able to enjoy things around it again without an overhanging shadow of stress.

I was still scared to fandom hop after that incident tho. Despite having gotten burned by caving to my own fears. It wasn't until I got into Trigun that I actually started to get less scared. A friend I met in that fandom, someone who was older than me, told me that... things have a way of coming back around. If you know the song "Everything Stays" From Adventure time? She said it was like that song. You will inevitably get older. But these things won't be gone. And you can always come back to them :) That clicked in my brain... and it took a bit longer, a bit more time of accepting that fact for me to find peace... but honestly? I kinda have now. At least for this moment in time. I wouldn't be surprised if the fear comes back around again, fear is funny and insidious like that. But I have the tools to beat it now :) The other two things I would mention are these: For starters: this might be obvious? But I'm a hobbyist artist. I don't make money off of my art, I don't sell it, I don't need numbers or clout in order to pay my bills. I'm completely free to do my own thing! Ain't nothing wrong with making a living off of your artwork and if that's the path that you want to walk GO FOR IT. But that path does have its own challenges. Because I don't walk that path, I am free to make whatever I want, without worrying about how it might reflect on my finances. The other thing is...

PERFECTIONISM...

THIS, NASTY LITTLE VILE COCKROACH, WILL RUIN YOUR ART LIFE SO BADLY ITS INSANE. It will ruin your NORMAL life super fast too 😔 it is an insidious little shoulder devil telling you, that you will be happier if you just do it the "perfect" way. IT IS SO SO SO SO SO SO WRONG. That is the key to the door of endless procrastination and broken dreams. SFLJSLF to get less metaphorical about it though: If you're always waiting for the perfect moment to make art for a fandom, to leave a fandom, to join a fandom (in this case i just mean "Get into the thing that interests you" when I say "Fandom") or create literally anything, you will be waiting forever. I know because i have been :') And its made it very hard to draw both in my past, and right now this very day.

Truthfully i'm still working on that one??? I've had some epiphanies recently that have helped a lot with my perfectionism... but I haven't tried drawing since having them? (drowning in the new Honkai Star Rail Patch WHEEZE) So uh. Not sure If I'm over that hill yet xD But yeah, if that's one piece of advice i could give you to take seriously, its don't chase perfection, in ANYTHING. Especially art. It will never be enough for you. And if you're doing it for other people, it will never be enough for them. Art is wonderful and messy, and human. And that is okay.

Its taken me a lot of soul diving and thinking and a lot of help from outside influence and kind people for me to figure this stuff out too. So don't feel bad to ask for help kay? We all need help. A lot xD I'm still not like, the king this stuff either. There are a lot of smaller, more niche, fandoms, I want to draw for, but still haven't, because of my own anxiety and embarrassment. There are fandoms I haven't drawn for because I don't feel like i have the adequate amount of information to be, ""allowed"" too (which is totally a fake standard btw, there is no barrier to entry for when you're "allowed" to draw something). I'm working on these problems every day.

Oh actually one last note: People can influence how hard it is for you to draw for a bunch of fandoms too. If you know you'll get made fun of for drawing something, its hard to draw. If you know you'll get praised for drawing something, sometimes that makes it easier to draw. Both of those things can mess you up BAD. Constantly drawing for other people (when its not a deliberate gift) can make you feel really upset and angry, and dissonant with your artwork.

But it can be equally as hard to realize nobody will share your enthusiasm if you don't draw what they like. That's not a judgement against anybody's friendships, we all got our own interests, and nobody can be 100% Invested in everything their friends enjoy. But It can make it a bit more emotionally challenging sometimes. And it can be hard to like?? Emotionally deal with that? in a way it makes art that you know will perform well, either with your friend group or online, like... "Candy". Its tastes good, but it doesn't give you long term energy (ie there's nothing wrong with it, but its not sustainable as your only form of sustenance) Meanwhile making art that is purely self indulgent is like eating a full and healthy meal. It gives you that long term energy of personal satisfaction, and your enjoyment and happiness also doesn't inherently hinge on whether or not other people appreciate it like you do. Obviously there's no issue if what you genuinely want to draw would also do well online/with your friends!

ANYWAYS, yeah, I'm still maturing and learning and growing with a lot of my opinions and perspectives and emotions on this stuff? Its definitely easier said than done, and while from the outside it looks effortless... I understand why you'd be struggling anon. I hope you can figure it out for yourself too! Best of luck :D also i could go on and on and on about this topic for years because alsjdfaksjdflJSDJGSD ooohhhhhhh boy I have learned and witnessed and thought many a thunk.

[hanasnx]

somebody made a janitor ai bot from something I wrote and I’m not quite sure how to feel about it…

I think I remember once that someone did the same to you? so I wanted to ask for some advice or insight.

to preface, i don’t know much about janitor ai. And I don’t own the character in question, but I did come up with the situation that they made into a bot. i don’t have it stated on my profile anywhere not to transfer my work to other sites so maybe I can’t be upset? but it feels weird that they didn’t ask first. idk.

im super non-confrontational… I just don’t know how to feel or what to do.

any thoughts? (and thanks in advance if you do answer.)

look man i am confrontational. on this app you need to be clear about what you want.

i was really offended when it happened to me, and the person that made it had brought it to my attention which opened a direct line of communication for me to tell them to take it down immediately.

AI is an insult to creators when it takes something you and i have created and streamlines mass production of art. it's genuinely disgusting to me and i don't support it in creative spaces as replacements for artists.

i don't know much about character ai or janitor ai and i don't wanna know about it. i didn't own the character anakin, but the adultfilm!anakin is an au i created, i had never seen it on tumblr before i wrote for it and it's exceptionally special to me. i require permission to be asked of me to use any of my stuff, and i saw the AI thing as a violation.

you're just gonna have to tell that person what you think of it, and don't give them a way out either. don't back down just because you're scared. it's important to stand up for yourself, and you can always ask your friends to stand with you about this if they support your cause. if someone is trying to keep it up, having multiple people explain to them what they're doing sucks instead of just one, they're more likely to listen because human beings are impressionable.

hope you get it figured out

[sea-owl]

Hi sorry for bothering you again but I was curious

On your last post you said that there was a reason why you mix the shows canon and the book canon, is it because there are parts in both that you don't like, or something?

Also how do you think each of the yandere Bridgertons would react if they find out that their spouses match their energy?

Thank you!

Lovely you are not a bother.

So yeah, you pretty much hit the nail on the head. There are aspects of both books and the show that I dislike, so I make my own canon by mixing the two. The biggest thing I tend to leave out is the Queen. I don't really care for how the writers use her character as it mainly has to do with the fact that the writers have turned her into this deus ex machina that makes everything better because true love. I much prefer the books approache where the ton figures out their own shit. I know it's gonna happen next season, too, because we're gonna have the Whistledown vs. the Queen showdow as the writers have been building up. I'm hopeful, though, that after season 3 with the Queen Charlotte show coming out and the next three siblings love stories not being that centered in London they pull back on her character.

On to your other question I have thought long and hard about how the Bridgertons find out that their spouses are just as fucking crazy as them and this post here ( Link ) probably has to have my favorite reveal.

The kids accidentally out their non Bridgerton parents.

It's not like the spouses were really hiding it on purpose, by the time they got married it was a habit. Obviously the children knew, but the children didn't know their non Bridgerton parents to be anything different. After all both their parents gave lessons in crazy.

Their children are going to one day ask their Bridgerton parent for yandere advice and then look confused or dissatisfied by the Bridgerton parents' answers. "Nevermind I'll just ask Mom/Dad. I forgot they out crazy you and have way better methods when it comes to killing/weapons/driving someone insane/manipulation/stealing/torture/clean up."

Immediately the Bridgerton parents yank back their kids and demand to know what they're talking about.

Anthony learns the story of how his wife permanently ended a singer's career, who also happened to be one of his past mistresses, after she ripped out the singer's vocal cords. How she used her title to her advantage to protect her family, after all it would be rather rude to turn down a personal invite from a viscountess would it not?

Benedict learns how his wife had not only broke a rival artist's hand, but also cut a few fingers off and burned down the rival's art studio. How she used her knowledge from her time as a maid to find secret accesses into the homes of those who have wronged her family.

Yeah Colin knows his wife was Lady Whistledown but did he know how far her well of information went? Did he know she forever ruined several lords who made moves against her family? Sometimes just by leaving the right information in the right hands.

Daphne learns that her husband had beaten a lord to disfigurement after he made unsavory jokes about her. She also learns why her husband makes those random visits to the pig farms in his territory.

Eloise learns about about how her husband drove others to insanity after comments were made about Eloise's non bio connection to the twins, something that hurt Eloise at the time. Eloise found out why there was so many poisons plants at the ready, or how her siblings and in-laws had so many as well.

Francesca had a feeling that there was more to her husband than what he showed, something more like her. After all he was the one to encourage her darker impulses, showed her how to be wicked. Though she was pleased to learn that he used his charming ways to manipulate others to cause their own end or to self destruct.

Gregory learns his wife has a thing for torture. When the other spouses need certain information his wife is the one to step in to force it out of people through force.

Hyacinth learns her husband has an eye for sparkly things and sticky fingers. If someone tries to do their family wrong her husband is sent to make sure the offending lord has only that title to his name.

So I could see how they react going a few ways, first I think it would be denial. All these years of marriage and children and now the Bridgertons are learning their soulmates actually match their energy? After they had time to sit on it I think they would probably think that their spouses crazy was hot and probably fall more in love with them now knowing they're just like them.

Then the Bridgertons want to know how good their spouses were at hunting. They ask their children to be quiet about this for a little while until they had a chance to surprise their non Bridgerton parents. During the next family trip to Aubrey Hall a game of manhunt was suggested during night time. The Bridgertons would be the hunted while their spouses would be the hunters.

Each Bridgerton was captured by their spouse.

Now they kinda wanted to see what their spouses would do if they made them jealous on purpose.

[introjis]

Thanks for answering. I’m new to art so I didn’t know the difference between base and reference. I was thinking they were the same thing

completely understandable with the information that you are new to art overall(which I did not know until this ask)! if you want to trace and use anything as a base in non-reference or redraw ways the general rule is to NEVER use/post it online: or show other people and claim it as your own art (or not outright state the disclaimer pointing to the origins of the it , as that would imply you did all of it by yourself(which would be a lie)

using your own past works that you made is still all your own and thus very easy to claim as your own art and there's no bad moral of "I stole someone's hours of art and put the finished artwork from all those hours and energy and emotion into an ai and am claiming the end results of the ai version as mine" or "I traced art and am now claiming it as mine" or "I stole art and poorly discolored it as much as changing this custom creature character to have orange eyes instead of pink so now it is my character I am posting everywhere" that you see posted about at times (especially on da and pintrest- though pintrest USUALLY has people who call out every one of these folks)

redrawing and/or referencing something is ENTIRELY okay(and is the MAIN implied purpose of bases as far as we are aware)- however we've seen so many "bases" that are not "your character here (ych for short)" traced and just vaguely drawn over instead of no efforts to learn or make their own tracing is the first thing our mind connects it with as that has been the most common use we've EVER seen them be used for.

tracing various artworks to speed up learning your own art style and what works for you when not tracing is ALSO okay (and we do NOT fault anyone who does this)- the issue is POSTING traced art or claiming said traced art as entirely yours.

We've traced art to mimic a style some of our favorite medias had before because we consumed so much littlest pet shop a lot of us were REALLY bad at figuring out our style ENTIRELY until middle school during our two year long splatoon hyper fixation- didn't have a sense of our art styles until high school still but improvements happen through evolution and knowledge!

I'd recommend since you're new to art just try some simple stuff- the basics as well as some art exorcises- like turning blobs of shapes into characters/creatures you can see the simplified silhouettes of in the color blobs, consume your favorite artist's works long enough and you WILL find a way to draw SOMETHING like their art- not EXACTLY but pretty close with enough time, draw splatters! and yes I mean like the "splat of paint on the ground" or "threw a paintbrush full of paint at a wall"- an old art teacher of ours had us do this just as a "draw before you really draw"

you are new to art at an amazing time to be new to art: there are so so many tutorials (speedpaints are an ENTIRELY different thing in case you are unaware) that give you so much more leeway and opportunity to make things yourself and your own using what they are telling your through the tutorials compared to the "how to draw" books we had to attempt(and failed) to learn to draw various things from.

(also DEEP apologies this is a long and rambly post, we try to make things easy to read but it is VERY HARD without a friend reading this before post to tell us what should be removed- since this all pretty much explains the "artist edict" and the basics of advice without trying possibly sounding like we're enforcing some sort of "there is only one way to do art!!" that some artists have come across doing at times, so we are unlikely to shorten this anytime soon)

[timstolejasonscorpseagain]

Does anyone have any advice on what to do in this situation?

More than a year ago at this point i commissioned an artist via Kofi. I didn't have a kofi account at the time, but we kept contact via instagram (I dont have instagram anymore).

It wasn't expensive or anything! Some coloured sketches that I was excited about for 15 bucks.

I commissioned them on the 4th of april 2022.

In their Kofi at the time it said if they didn't contact you via email or other ways that you should reach out and they would refund you if you wished it. So when I didn't hear anything I reached out on instagram and asked if it was because my commission got rejected, if it made them uncomfortable and/or if they'd be willing to work with me to find something else then that'd be awesome; I didn't feel the need to ask for a refund unless they felt uncomfortable.

They replied a day or so later and told me they werent uncomfortable with it and would go along, but had a lot of work so it might take a while. I reassured them that this was fine and to just ask if they had any questions, and wished them to have fun with their art.

Then a few months passed (we're in beginnings of june), i had heard nothing from them and so i asked for an update.

They didn't reply. I didn't want to pester them, so I waited a bit. I see them post all the time, and at the end of June they updated their commission info. I was concerned of what it meant regarding my order so i messaged them to ask. They didn't reply.

I saw them active all the time and so in august i decided to ask them, politely, if they were ignoring me and that if they didn't want to do the commission then to just give me a refund.

Im.. very non confrontational, i dont like arguing and im no good standing up for myself and i did feel bad cause i didnt know what their situation was. But they were the ones who decided they were mature enough to open commissions (theyre also an adult), offer a TOS, and failed to communicate with me the client. I dont think i can get a refund. Is jt possible to do a refund?

I dont want to make like a big callout post or anything, thats not my intention, i just feel kind of cheated.

Any advice would be great.

(Screenshot of the messages i had saved on my computer in case they wanted to block me or something)

[the-final-sif]

FAQ

“Who are you?”

I’m Sif (she/her/they/them)! I’m a writer, an artist, and I will literally never stop talking. I have an African gray named Cecil, and I love him very much.

“Where can I find you?”

Here on Tumblr, On A03 as Rosae or Sif  - Or on the dreblr discord server

Discord is the fastest way to get in contact with me, asks on tumblr can get eaten and DMs on tumblr are weird for me. I'm not active on any other platforms

“When will x/y/z update?”

I don’t know. Don’t ask me or leave comments pestering me about updating things. I have adhd, and fanfiction is a hobby that I do for myself, so I work on things as I’m able to. My focus is fickle and I tend to jump from project to project, because that’s how I have fun. When it comes to my hobbies, me having fun is the whole reason I do them. Pestering me just makes me want to do it even less. Seriously.

“Can I send you asks about x/y/z? Do you mind talking about x/y/z?”

I'm not going to be upset about any ask sent in as long as it's in good faith, but that doesn't mean I'll answer every ask I get. If I don't answer an ask, it means that I wasn't sure on an answer, I'd answered the question before, or I just didn't feel like it. Odds are it's nothing personal, if I have an issue with someone or something, then I block.

That all being said, I don't answer questions asking for personal information of any kind unless it's something I've publicly discussed. I also prefer that people do not use tone indicators in asks, or if you must, please use full words and not acronyms. I'm pretty good at reading tone in text to begin with, and I run under the assumption most asks are in good faith.

“Can I use your idea/headcanon/etc in my fic/art/etc?”

Yes! People are always welcome to use my ideas/headcanons/etc with credit. You can create stuff set in my AU/make your own takes on them. All I ask is that you don’t copy my stuff word for word (ie reposting), and give credit if heavily referencing my works. You do not need to ask my permission to use my stuff as inspiration, but if you do create something 100% feel free to tag me/send it to me! I love seeing this stuff!

“Can I repost your fic/artwork/headcanon/etc?”

Probably not. I’m okay with my chat posts and non-fictional PSAs/advice posts being reposted to other platforms (with credit). For anything else, I do not allow reposting unless you ask me first (that being said, I do sometimes give permission when asked, it just depends on the post and platform you want to repost on). Translations and Podfics are absolutely fine though!

“Will you tag (specific trigger) or (spoilers)”

Probably not, sorry! I’d like to say that I could, and I try to tag major triggers & spoilers when I remember to, but again, ADHD means I tend to be pretty scattered brained and my tagging is pretty inconsistent as a result. I don’t want to promise to tag stuff when I know I’ll probably forget at some point.

“Do you take requests/commissions/art trades/do collabs/have a ko-fi?”

I do not take formal requests or requests for unrelated fandoms/characters/etc. I love talking with people and discussing ideas, but that’s entirely on my own terms. You can still always ask me about my AUs or offer specific ideas, but if I decide to write anything for it is all up to me.

I am not currently taking commissions, but I do take them every so often when the mood strikes. I already work to support myself, and as I’ve said before, fandom is a hobby for me, so I prefer to spend that time creating things at my own pace. Since I get people asking about it, I do have a ko-fi but please don’t feel obligated to send me anything.

Art/fic trades and/or collabs are a solid maybe at any given time, depending on what I have on my plate. Hit me up on discord if you want to talk about it.

[angellesword]

YOUR EYES TELL | JJK (02)

➭ You live in a world where people see in black and white. The solution to finally see the colors? It’s simple. You need to meet your soulmate and look at him in the eyes, but what if the person bound to you is already contented with the monochromatic world? What if…Jeongguk, your soulmate, is already in love with someone else?

Alternatively;

“A future without you is a world without color.”

Genre: soulmate au, e2l, unrequited love, heavy angst, fluff, lawyer au.

Pairing: Artist!Jungkook x Lawyer!Reader

Word Count: 2.7k

SERIES: CHAPTER 1 | CHAPTER 3

"Please, Joon. I just need to know if he's okay..."

Namjoon scratched the back of his head while looking at Red. The latter was practically begging him to spill things he's been forbidden to utter. He was sure he's just seconds away from telling her what she wanted to know, but then he's abruptly reminded of how heartbroken Jungkook was.

"Don't tell her I'm here," tears painted Jungkook's cheeks. "I don't want to see her. Not now." Or ever...

"He's not here, Red. I'm sorry," Namjoon sighed, trying to close the front door of his small apartment; regrettably, Red stopped him before the door shut in her sad face."I know he doesn't want to see me." She said with a shaky voice—causing Namjoon to purse his lips into a thin line.

"Right." He couldn't help but say. She deserved the snarky remark for hurting Jungkook beyond repair.

"But I'm worried about him. H-He was...so mad when he left."

'Who wouldn't?' Namjoon wanted to say, yet he kept his lips glued together. He needed to remind himself that although she hurt Jungkook, Red was still his friend.

"I'm sure he'll be fine wherever he is." Namjoon's caught Red's eyes. "Jungkook is strong, you know."

"I know." She looked at her feet; this caused the man inside the house to also look down. Namjoon was so busy shooing Red away that he didn't notice a big box on the ground. Judging by the looks of it, he deduced that this box belonged to Jungkook. The tower of sketchpads and other art materials was already a giveaway.

"Can you give this to him, though? I'm not sure when I'll get to see him again, and I know he can't live without this stuff, so..." Red picked up the box. "Please, Joonie..." She added when the older boy didn't say anything.

"Fine."

In the end, Namjoon gave in. He didn't have a choice. This was the only way to make her leave; however, he instantly regretted his decision when he spotted Jungkook sitting on the couch."What did she say?" Jungkook inquired eagerly; his eyes flew on the box that's juggling in Namjoon's arms. Jungkook saw his friend trip over a non-existent stone.

Namjoon was really clumsy.

"She wants me to give this to you." The older boy handed the box to Jungkook in exchange for his precious daughter.

"Ji-eun..." Namjoon cooed, bopping the nose of his three-year-old child. Ji-eun chuckled; her little finger was poking her father's deep dimple.

"Appa!" Ji-eun's eyes twinkled. She missed being in her father's embrace even though it hadn't been long since Namjoon left her with Jungkook.

Ji-eun couldn't help it. Jungkook used to be the fun uncle, but all he did now was cry and snort. Admittedly, she's getting tired of wiping his tears every second.

She wondered who made uncle Jungkook cry.

"Huh." Jungkook huffed as he examined what was inside the box. Namjoon was right. It's full of the younger boy's stuff.

"Is she really so eager to kick me out of the house that she personally brought my things here!?"Jungkook was seeing red. Profanities left his lips as acid dripped down his stomach. He's so mad at his ex.

"Language, Jeon," Namjoon warned, turning away from Jungkook. He couldn't let Ji-eun listen to the younger boy's dirty mouth. "Besides, you're the one who left."

Jungkook didn't know how to respond to that, mainly because Namjoon was correct. He was the one who left in the middle of the fight. In his defense, he was hurt. What Red was saying was too much for him—it was painful, the kind of pain he knew would forever haunt him.

"I love him, Kook."

Red's confession echoed in Jungkook's mind again. Red told him she loved her soulmate. Jungkook didn't want to believe her because how? How could she fall in love with another man just by looking at him in the eyes?

"We've been seeing each other for months now."

His question had been answered. Red was a cheater, and it's the last straw for Jungkook. He couldn't take it anymore, so he stood up.

"I hate you, bitch!"

The pain that crossed Red's face indicated that Jungkook had gone too far. He didn't mean it, but he's hurt, and this was the only way he could hurt her back.

Before Red could say anything, Jungkook was already out of the door.

It's two am in the morning. Jungkook was certain that the only awake person that he could bother right now was none other than Namjoon, his brother-in-law.

Thankfully, Namjoon's apartment was just a few blocks away from Red's home.

"Kook?" Namjoon squinted his eyes after opening the door. He's been awake for straight twenty-seven hours to the point that he couldn't tell if Jungkook was really in front of him or if he's just hallucinating.

"Hyung..." Jungkook broke into tears upon seeing his only family.

Namjoon let the crying boy inside his house.

"I ran out of tea..." This was Namjoon's excuse when he handed Jungkook Ji-eun's milk. Namjoon didn't even have time to buy his groceries since his daughter occupied most of his time.

Fortunately, it looked like Jungkook didn't give two fucks as he was already halfway finished drinking the warm milk.

It's been exactly fifteen minutes since the younger boy came knocking on Namjoon's humble abode. Jungkook had stopped crying, though he still looked a little shaken.

"Red found her soulmate..." Jungkook spoke right before Namjoon could ask what happened. Suddenly, the older boy found himself biting his bottom lip. He didn't want to pry about Jungkook's life, but then he's reminded of the wish of Hye-Jin, his late wife.

"Take care of my brother, Joon..."

"D-Do you wanna talk about it?" Namjoon asked before he changed his mind. This was the only thing he could do for Hye-Jin.

"What's there to talk about?" Jungkook hissed even though he's the one who started telling Namjoon things. The latter kept his head low. In times like this, he wasn't sure what to say.

It's not like he's better than Red. Namjoon also broke up with the woman he was dating right after meeting Hye-Jin. The only difference was that Namjoon's ex perfectly understood the situation. She knew that they weren't destined to be together.

"She cheated on me. She said she's in love with her soulmate." The bitter taste in Jungkook's mouth was still there. It only strengthened as soon as the word 'soulmate' left his lips. Jungkook continued pouring his heart out to Namjoon despite saying he didn't want to talk about it.

"She's going to regret leaving me. No one can love her the way I do!" Jungkook swore, but Namjoon's almost 100% sure he's wrong.

Seeing colors were different. It felt like everything was perfect. Namjoon couldn't deny that one of the many reasons he fell in love with Hye-Jin was because she helped him see the wonderful hues.

It's like the more he fell in love with her, the brighter the colors became. Even now that she's dead, Namjoon could still see colors. Granted that it kind of faded, it's still the best thing Namjoon was proud to experience.

The rule of the world was simple. As long as your soulmate was in love with you, the colors would always be visible in your very eyes. It would only become less bright if your soulmate died. However, the case of a one-sided love was different. People wouldn't be able to see colors if their soulmates didn't give them their hearts.

Some said that there were cases wherein people went blind when their soulmates started to hate them. Namjoon and Jungkook didn't know if it was true or just a myth. After all, they hadn't encountered people who apparently 'went' blind because of the mentioned reason."I'm telling you, hyung. She'll come to see me soon."

Jungkook was right. Two weeks after their fight, Red showed up. Unfortunately, it's not to beg her ex to come back. She only returned a box full of his stuff, a clear sign that she's officially kicking him out of their shared apartment.

"How can she do this to me? It's my house too!" Said Jungkook nine days after Red's appearance in front of Namjoon's apartment, it finally dawned to him that his ex was no longer a part of his life.

It's really over.

Jungkook realized this while staring dumbly at his ruined sketchpads. Ji-eun accidentally spilled a glass of water on her uncle's drawing.

The mixture of pain, anger, and frustration caused Jungkook to scream. He couldn't possibly be mad at a three-year-old kid; that's why he just directed his negative emotions to the fact that Red practically kicked him out of their home—his home.

He was aware that Red's name was written in the lease contract, but Jungkook paid this year's rental fee. He's broke at the moment. This being the case, Jungkook swallowed his pride to come to live with his brother-in-law. The thing was, it's getting hard for him to stay there. Namjoon had only one room, so Jungkook slept on the couch—wait, this wasn't about right. Jungkook didn't even get to sleep. Ji-eun's cries wouldn't allow him to do so. Aside from this, the little kid had also ruined her uncle's drawings countless times now.

"Seriously, Kook. You need to move out of your brother-in-law's house." Taehyung pouted his lips.

Jungkook couldn't decide if he could take his friend's advice seriously, at least not when Taehyung's tongue was basically down Jimin's throat.

"I can't afford to lease a new place." Jungkook scrunched his nose, eyes still focused on the disgusting public display of affection in front of him. "I only have forty dollars in my bank account."

"Oh, you poor thing." Jimin slightly pushed his boyfriend's chest to dodge his kisses and to be able to look at Jungkook.

Jungkook snorted. He didn't want to be babied, especially not by Park Jimin, who he met just a few months back.

Park Jimin was Taehyung's real soulmate. It was still weird seeing them together. All his life, Jungkook believed that Taehyung, his childhood best friend, was a straight man. Taehyung dated a lot of women before; he also seemed to enjoy being with them.

This was one of the reasons why Jungkook hated the idea of a soulmate. It was a complete bull. It was unfair to let fate decide who you'll end up with. Jungkook witnessed Taehyung's struggle after meeting Jimin. He was happy that he could finally see colors and that it didn't take him long to like Jimin, but Taehyung was so confused.

Like Jungkook, Taehyung also thought he was straight, but then his world suddenly turned upside down. Before he knew it, Taehyung was crying. He was too overwhelmed with what was happening, and Jungkook hated it. The latter didn't care about genders; he supported those who didn't identify themselves as heterosexual. Jungkook hated that people had to limit what they thought their gender was just because of the concept of soulmate. Again, it was not fair.

"But I can help you..." Jimin added as he took a bite of his frozen yogurt. They were currently inside of an ice cream shop. Jungkook had to get out of Namjoon's home since it was getting hard to look at his ruined works. He called his best friend to help him destress. Jungkook just had to let his frustrations out. Luckily, Taehyung and Jimin were more than happy to treat their younger friend some frozen yogurts. Jungkook ordered three of the said dessert.

"No, Jimin." Taehyung said as if he'd read his boyfriend's mind. "Jungkookie isn't going to suck your dick for money."

"Aw." Jimin's lips protruded into a sulky pout, making Jungkook roll his eyes. Sometimes he couldn't believe the couple's relationship. Jungkook knew that Jimin was only joking, but Jungkook thought he couldn't let the love of his life think about someone else's body. He was pretty possessive.

"We can call Yoongi-hyung, though. I think he's in the mood for some dicks—"

"Guys!" Jungkook groaned, cutting them off. His eyes were widening too. "Can we stop talking about dicks for five seconds? I have a serious problem here."

"Oh, right!" Jimin's eyes lit up. He also cleared his throat—an action that made Jungkook sigh in relief; at least he's getting serious now. "You need to find a roommate, Kook. Lucky for you, I have a friend who's looking for a housemate. I think she could cut you off some slack."

The younger boy's scoff was almost instant. "Cut me off some slack?" He narrowed his eyes at Jimin. "I don't want to owe anything to anyone. You know that."

Jimin shrugged his shoulders, taking another bite of his frozen yogurt. "It's not like that. You'll actually be the one doing her a favor. She's in dire need of a roommate, Kook. She wouldn't mind if you couldn't pay rent right now, as long as you're willing to keep the house clean and look after her cat. You can do that, right?"

Of course, Jungkook could. He was an artist; he spent most of his time inside his home, silently drawing whatever came into his mind.

"Huh." Jungkook was still skeptical. "Can't she just hire a maid?"

"Wish it was that easy. She's a mess. Not even her maids can tolerate her shit. Besides, her cat is a total bitch. She scratches anyone that's not her owner."

"I'm not sure..." Jungkook scowled. He wasn't sure if he could live with a stranger. Jungkook was a shy boy; it actually took him a long time to even say 'hello' to Jimin.

"Just think about it, Jungkook..." Jimin smiled warmly at the younger boy. "I swear she's a decent person. Yes, she's messy, but aside from that, she's fine. She doesn't pry on anyone's life; she's quiet, just like you, and oh! She likes banana milk too! I swear, Kook. You'll like her!"

For some reason, Jungkook's heart skipped a beat. He knew Jimin was kind, he's the type of person who always talked about the good qualities of a certain someone, but this was the first time he spoke about someone with such passion.

Jimin continued to talk about you, his lovely best friend. If you could hear him right now, you were sure you'd end up crying. Jimin was indeed the best friend you could ask. He's fiercely loyal.

"It's true, Kook. You'll love her." Taehyung talked about you with the same intensity. He had met you, and he instantly fell in love with you. You were smart and witty.

The couple continued sharing things they loved about you. Jungkook swore he's not easy to convince. The only acceptable reason why he's standing in front of your apartment was that Taehyung and his boyfriend knew the magic of words. They had done an excellent job convincing him.

Jungkook let out an exasperated breath when you still didn't answer the door after his ninth attempt to knock. Truthfully, he was getting pissed off.

Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all.

Just as when he was about to leave, the door suddenly opened with so much force. Jungkook was startled.

"I'm sorry, I was in the shower. I swear I heard you the first time you knocked, but I was panicking, so I slipped down the floor, and I..." You ran your hand through your wet hair, eyes widening when you saw your fingers covered in soap suds.

"Oh, my God!" You were panicking again. This time, you finally looked at Jungkook to see his reaction.

You were rambling about how this whole situation was so embarrassing, but Jungkook wasn't listening anymore. How could he focus on anything when his heart was beating this fast? Jungkook was pissed before he met your eyes, right now; the irritation he felt was rapidly boiling down to panic when he realized what was happening.

Colors.

Jungkook was used to seeing black and white, so imagine his confusion when the colors suddenly became visible in his eyes.

Nothing made sense to him, but one thing's for sure.

Jungkook had found his soulmate.

[catholicartistsnyc]

Meet: Emily Claire Schmitt

EMILY CLAIRE SCHMITT is a NYC-based playwright. (www.emilyclaireschmitt.com and Twitter: @Eclaire082)

CATHOLIC ARTIST CONNECTION (CAC): What brought you to NYC?

EMILY CLAIRE SCHMITT (ECS): I'm originally from Cincinnati, Ohio and I did my undergrad at Saint Mary's College in Indiana.  I always hoped to move to New York and I was fortunate that a few things fell into place for me when I graduated.  I was accepted into the New School for Drama's MFA program directly from undergrad.  I had applied to schools all over the country, and this happened to be both my top choice and only acceptance letter.  My college boyfriend's family is from Staten Island, so he moved back home and we were able to stay together.  Now that boyfriend is my husband, so I'm here to stay.

CAC: What do you see as your personal mission as a Catholic working in the arts?

ECS: First off, I love this question.  I think about this a lot, and I always try to pray a bit before I start writing, even if what I'm working on isn't an overtly religious piece.  I believe that God wants to be present with us as we grapple with the world and, while I don't let religious doctrines limit the content of my writing, my writing is always filtered through a worldview that God exists.  

A great deal of my art is critical of the institutional Church, but I'm still very insistent that I am a Catholic writer, as opposed to a formerly Catholic writer. There is a fundamental difference between someone who critiques from within and someone who has left the Church and is describing the experience that caused them to leave.  This distinction is supremely important to me.

I believe my vocation as a writer is to be a tool for God to express Themself in the world.  Sometimes this means representing the beauty of God's world, but more often than not it means shining light on that which is not in alignment with the Divine, whether within secular society or within the Church.  I hope that my work makes both religious and secular people uncomfortable.  I hope it makes them wonder what God thinks about them.

CAC: Where have you found support in the Church for your vocation as an artist?

ECS: I've been extremely fortunate to have made great connections with fellow Catholics in the arts.  I've worked with Xavier Theatre and Film, a Jesuit theater company, and they produced a showcase of my play "The Chalice" at the Stonewall Inn.  This was one of the highlights of my career thus far, an intersection of the Catholic and secular world that was truly fulfilling.

CAC: Where have you found support among your fellow artists for your Catholic faith?

ECS: It's a mixed bag.  Grad school was not a positive experience for me in terms of acceptance. After 16 years of Catholic education, I was suddenly in a secular world and I made a lot of mistakes in terms of how I presented myself.  I was wrestling with my faith privately, but fiercely defending it publicly, which is never a good tactic.  I didn't feel safe.  I no longer work with anyone from grad school, and that's best for all of us.

However, post graduation I have really found an artistic community with people of all faiths.  I have frequent collaborators who are non-Catholic Christians, members of other faiths, atheists, and agnostics.  I've found a particular home with The Skeleton Rep, a theater company that focuses on "building modern myth."  My religious beliefs really mesh with their interests, despite being a completely secular company.  I am currently developing a musical with them. 

CAC: How can the Church be more welcoming to artists?

ECS: Stop policing our content.  The vocation of an artist is to observe, critique, and respond.  It is not the vocation of the artist to simply listen and accept doctrine without question.  This means that there is an essential tension between the work of being an artist and the work of being a practicing Catholic.

As an artist, I don't have the luxury of keeping my disagreements with the Church private. I promise I'm listening and it's possible to change my mind. Please be patient with me.

CAC: How can the artistic world be more welcoming to artists of faith?

ECS: I think this is a difficult question because in most of the instances where people have been unwelcoming to me, it's because they have been hurt in some serious way by the Church.  It's taken me a long time to accept that, while I have not personally hurt them, I am part of an institution that has and it's not unreasonable for them to ask me to answer for that.

I try to be clear about my beliefs and about why I have chosen to remain in the Church.  I also try to articulate how I'm striving to make the Church better, while remaining firm in my support of Her.  I have to be both gentle and unafraid about how and why I disagree with the secular world as well.  Once again, I promise I'm listening and it's possible to change my mind.  Please be patient with me.

CAC: Where in NYC do you regularly find spiritual fulfillment?

ECS: I'm a bit of a parish hopper.  When I first came to NYC I fell in love with Saint Francis Xavier, near Union Square.  Their Young Adults Group was a great community for me, but after moving to Brooklyn and back I'm not as involved as I once was.  I've become more interested in traditional, more formal, liturgies. Saint Joseph of Yorkville is a beautiful neighborhood parish that has a highly reverent modern mass.  There are so many families with children there, it gives me great hope.  And the pastor is the man who reported on McCarrick so that's no small thing.... I like a priest I can respect, for obvious reasons.

When I'm feeling in particular need of deep ritual, I do love a Latin Mass. Saint Agnes by Grand Central is a great place to go for that. 

CAC: Where in NYC do you regularly find artistic fulfillment?

ECS: I already mentioned The Skeleton Rep, but one thing they do which I love are monthly artist salons.  Artists will get together, drink wine, and read new work, either a full play or short plays based on a prompt.  There is no formal feedback, just a chance for the writer to hear her play.  And afterwards we have a party.

CAC: How have you found or built community as a Catholic artist living in NYC?

ECS: Connecting with Brother Joe Hoover at Xavier Theater has really connected me with a great community of Catholic artists.  He has a way of making connections and bringing together a dynamic and diverse group of people with a huge variety of perspectives on the faith.  If you ever get the chance to work with them I highly recommend it.  Joe is a fantastic playwright and actor in his own right.

CAC: What is your daily spiritual practice?

ECS: I wish I had a better one...  I pray every day before I write.  My husband and I pray together before meals.  Recently, we've been doing a daily reflection before bed.  It's just one of those Little Blue Books you pick up from your parish during Advent, but it's been great.

CAC: What is your daily artistic practice? And what are your recommendations to other artists for practicing their craft daily?

ECS: I try to write for an hour every morning after working out and before leaving for work. This is really my sacred time: after my husband leaves, freshly showered, and place to myself.  It's short but it's extremely important.  And I can't stress enough the value of praying before you write. 

CAC: Describe a recent day in which you were most completely living out your vocation as an artist. What happened, and what brought you the most joy?

ECS: The most recent Skeleton Rep salon was on New Year's Eve.  I wrote a short piece for the event which spoke of my Catholic faith and it's relationship to the mission of the company.  Afterwards, another artist present pulled me aside to talk about how he is a Catholic as well but had stopped going to Church.  He was interested in going back, so we spent a long time talking about why I felt it was important for young Catholic artists to be in the faith and engage with it from the inside.  The whole conversation was so fulfilling for me. 

CAC: You actually live in NYC? How!?

ECS: I need to be completely up front and say that I have been incredibly privileged in terms of financial support from my family.  This is something we do not talk about enough in the arts.  My parents paid my rent and my tuition while I was in school and I am debt-free.  I'm also married to someone with a traditional career who contributes the majority of our income.  I am so incredibly fortunate it's not even funny.  

CAC: But seriously, how do you make a living in NYC?

ECS: Even with the financial support, I do have a full-time day job.  I don't know how anyone would make rent or buy groceries without one.  I work in social media marketing, which is great because it's mostly all remote.  I've also been nannying for my cousin's baby so making that sweet side cash.

It's a lot of work, and keeping my passion afloat on top if it, and making sure it remains my focus rather than just a "hobby" is a constant battle.

CAC: How much would you suggest artists moving to NYC budget for their first year?

ECS: I can't give a great answer to this, because it's so varied and I was in school when I started.  But consider that your monthly rent is likely to be over 1K no matter where you live.

CAC: What other practical resources would you recommend to a Catholic artist living in NYC?

ECS: I can't recommend enough reaching out to Xavier Theater for professional connections.  In terms of headshots, Joe Loper is a former classmate of mine who does a great job and is very reasonable. http://joeloper.com/

CAC: What are your top 3 pieces of advice for Catholic artists moving to NYC?

ECS: 1.) Don't rush finding your people.  It's a big city and it takes time.

2.) Exercise.

3.) Go to confession.  Why make art with sin on your soul?

[skyspringhotel-blog]

Few interesting facts about chefs that you didn't know | Part time Top executive chef jobs in hotel

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