#Life of a Loser

[fountainpenguin]

Ezekiel Foster never closed his hands around the fat, gooey marshmallow that would've saved his butt from elimination, but he never once lost hope in making friends. Now that he's in the lap of luxury, he intends to rule the roost. Why not? He was here first! Inspired by the TDI episode "Haute Camp-ture," this 'fic covers the summer fun of a homeschooled farm boy at his poolside kingdom: Playa Des Losers.

My first serious fanfic, Life of a Loser, turns 11 years old today, so I'm beginning its migration to AO3. Check it out if you like! 💚

AO3 Series - Riddle's Drama [2013-2016] - Subscribe if you'd like notifications for all my Total Drama 'fics, as I'll be moving most if not all of them to AO3 later.

[guardian-angel12]

[akanemnon]

Family game night

[snaileer]

I’m a Size Medium, Thanks.

Danny is irritated. No actually he is beyond irritated. He is annoyed, he is frustrated, he is…. He’s really fricking irritated and can’t be bothered to remember any more of Jazz’s SAT words.

He continues his glare out the window as he searches for his straw with his mouth.

He just- where is it- thinks it’s a stupid fricking-stupid ass milkshake-he shouldn’t have to basically-gah! Danny snaps his head down to find his suddenly missing straw, only to successfully poke it directly into his eye.

“Ow! Fricken-“ He groans, throwing his head back, and putting his hands to his face, “Mother-tucker, Holy Taming of A Shrew!” He pounds his free hand not cradling his eye on the table, trying not to make more of a scene. Of course, this utterly fails because it immediately tips over his milkshake glass with a clatter as it spills onto his pants, making him jump up with enough force to knock the table over and drop the milkshake glass the rest of the way to the floor.

Danny stares at it with blurry vision and a watery eye. He sighs, “At least-“

The glass shatters.

Danny sighs again, deeper. “Of course.”

He looks up at the restaurant around him. Noticing the many, many people staring at him.

Wonderful.

Danny grimaces, “Sorry, I so didn’t mean for that to happen, uh-“ Danny reaches to straighten the table, fumbling for a second before it stands upright, he steps away from it, “If there’s any way I can help or.. like fix it. I can pay for the cup..” a server comes over to him, “if you want..?”

The server’s dead eyes don’t waver as they silently place a wet floor sign over the spilled milkshake.

“Thanks.”

“Uh huh.”

The server walks away, leaving Danny to sigh all on his own. He leans over to grab his backpack from the booth, checking it over for milkshake before slinging it on his back, thankfully clean.

He makes it one step forward before he feels the floor go out from under him. Ah gravity. His greatest enemy. This is karma for all those times he’s ignored it, isn’t it?

The wind is knocked out of him when his back slams to the floor, cushioned by the dulcet sounds of his bag crunching against broken glass.

He looks up at the wet floor sign.

The man on the yellow plastic mocks him.

Danny sighs.

He curses his stupid luck.

He curses this stupid city.

Then he curses himself because he knows any of this stupid city’s curses end up affecting him anyways.

Danny gets to his feet, ignoring the feeling of milkshake on his hands and his… everywhere.

He trudges out of the diner without looking back. At least he’d already paid for it.

He grimaces at the milkshake handprint on the door, trying to wipe it away with his shirt and only succeeding in making it worse.

Danny catches the eyes of the server inside, staring at him, eyes progressively more annoyed.

Danny puts his hands up in surrender and backs away.

Directly into a person. Only his milkshake covered self prevents him from being hit with anything more than the man’s scathing glare.

He puts his hands back up and moves away to dodge everybody else on the sidewalk. Along with the occasional ghost. Visible only to him of course.

By the time he has managed to escape the sidewalks into an alley, he is certain there is a trail of slightly sticky businessmen behind him.

Danny crouches to swing his backpack down in front of him and take stock. Okay, he could put his sweatshirt on over it… but it would also get ruined… damn it.

Danny looks around, checking every inch of the alley for cameras and then backing himself into a corner just to be safe. The flicker of intangibility is barely noticeable except for the wet squelch of milkshake remnants dropping to the alley floor. Lovely.

And of course, the flash of every single Gotham ghost in the area becoming visible and almost tangible for a split second. Also… lovely. There’s a couple startled shouts on the street.

Maybe an alleyway was not the best place for that.

Danny slides his sweatshirt on over his shirt to at least pretend like he was covering a mess and then shimmies out of the alley while trying to make as little contact with ghosts as possible.

He’s almost completely certain he looks crazy as all get out if the stare he gets from a passerby means anything.

Of course… now he’s left glaring across the street again.

He can feel the Infini-Map burning a hole in his backpack. It said this was the next place a natural portal would open and get him back home.

It just didn’t say… when that portal would open.

But of course, it’ll be right in the middle of somebody’s store. Usually not an issue. Except again, this stupid city’s curses are attracted to his energy, so of course the store couldn’t be literally ANYTHING ELSE!

Danny glares at the stupid fricking sign and the stupid predictable pun and the stupid neon hand in the front window waving at him.

‘The Claire Witch Project: psychic, medium, and Claire-voyant’

Danny is on day three of simultaneously avoiding the entire building while remaining close enough he can be there when the portal forms.

He is dirty, tired, and running out of money. In short, Danny is starting to lose hope on this endeavor.

The worst part?

He has the perfect solution.

There’s a pathetic little piece of printer paper taped to the inside of the window.

‘Help wanted’

When he’d first gotten here, Danny had followed the infini-map all the way to this horrific city, seen the sign, and turned a quick 180. He’d rather die again thanks.

He’d smacked into two billboards just coming into the city, and there was literally no stars, why would he want to stay here till the portal opened when he could just find another?

Except.. Danny’s eye twitches dangerously as he thinks back on it- except there wasn’t another portal. This was it. For the foreseeable future, he either caught this portal or was stranded for whoever knows how much longer.

Danny sighs again and dreads his continued existence. He looks both ways on the street, takes a step forward, nearly gets run over, steps back, and turns for the nearest crosswalk.

Fine. He could follow rules if it meant increasing his chances of leaving.

He tries to hold in the sigh this time, he really does, he swears.

Not the one before he opens the shop door though, that sigh deserved freedom from his trials. It joins the myriad of whispy translucent shades lingering in the store. Because of course there was just enough spiritual energy in here for them to be visible to him.

“Hey there!” A girl in loose fitting colorful clothing appears from behind a corner, “I’m Claire! How can I help your life journey today?” He can see the way her bulky crystal hair accessories sway with her movements. What was he getting into here again?

Danny tries to ignore the incense shoving itself up his nose as he speaks, “Hey, I was…” He was really doing this huh? “Hoping that the help wanted position is still available?”

The girl looks him over as she moves to the back of the checkout counter. The clear observation makes him nervous, and he takes his hands out of his pockets to try and look marginally more… candidate-able.

“You have experience?”

“Sure d-“ He wants to throw up in his own mouth, ancients this is so cringe, just let him die, “Sure do!” He says through choked back vomit and false cheer, “I’m a…” -barf- “I’m a medium.”

“Oh don’t worry about that, you don’t need a uniform, I don’t need your size silly!”

Danny blinks. What? Also. What?

“Wait-I’m hired?”

Claire pauses from getting something from under the counter, “Didn’t I already say that?”

“Uh…” Danny’s eyes dart around the shop, “No?”

“Oh well, you are, you have the right vibes, don’t worry,” she slides a few papers onto the glass counter, and Danny is abruptly, horrifically reminded he has no legal documents to speak of here. He thinks. He hasn’t actually checked.

Crap.

“Of course, most of my clients pay in cash, so I’ll pay you in cash too just to make it easier, and any crystal sales I’ll just add to it. Sound good?”

“Sure?” Oh no, is this gonna be Danny’s first real job? “But I don’t know anything about crystals. I have a goth friend but she’s not into that stuff.”

Claire waves his comment away, “Oh no worries, I can leave a packet.”

Danny nods, “Thank- wait, sorry. Leave?”

Claire laughs, pulling out a bag from behind her counter, “Yes I leave for a trip in two days. Family things you know,”

Danny feels like his brain is being scrambled, “Oh, what, what happened? Is everything okay?”

Claire looks at him, blinking wide, “What? Why would anything have happened?”

“Because… you said, you were leaving for-“

“Just don’t want to get caught in a bad position, you know how it is.”

Some of the shades stir in the air, their misty movements twitching with agitation enough to draw his eye for a second.

“Right. Well I’m glad I came when I did then,” Danny says, because he still doesn’t want to be rude.

Claire smiles at him.

Danny pats his hands against his sides awkwardly, trying not to look up at the movement of the shades intertwined with incense smoke at the ceiling.

There’s a little jingle behind him, which he belatedly realizes is the door when Claire moves to greet them before he can even turn around.

“Ms. Jives! Wonderful to see you! How’s the goldfish?”

Ms. Jives turns out to be a slightly older woman, maybe early seventies with a cane but she looks good. The coffee brown hair is almost certainly a dye job but it frames her wrinkled face well.

“Oh Jim is lovely dear, much better this way, I bought him a new plant just the other day, he just loves it.”

“Good, here for your reading right?”

“I am! But you can finish up with your customer first if you need,” Ms. Jives says. Claire waves her concern away.

“No need, this is Danny, I just hired him, he has a similar mystical connection.”

“Oh that’s lovely,” Ms. Jives says as she passes by him, “Would you like to come with dear? Claire is going to do a reading for me.”

Danny grimaces, “Sure.”

In the end, by the time Ms. Jives makes it slowly to the back room, Danny is trying to think of where he’s gonna sleep tonight. He mostly zones out when Claire dims the lights and starts talking nonsense.

All he heard was “something something card, something something magician something reversed something something balance something something chihuahua.”

Ok, maybe he wasn’t listening. But he was trying to focus on not staring at the movement of the shades, and the incense was mega strong and Claire had some weird ass music playing. He’s almost certain she’s faking everything. Down to the atrociously bright bead earrings.

Danny sags when she finishes, all too happy to leave the weird little curtain covered room.

He stands in the front awkwardly while Ms. Jives pays, twiddling with the various crystals and trying to figure which ones are actually y’know.. mystical or whatever.

Answer? Surprisingly most of them. That he could tell, at least, but it’s not like he actually knows how to sense that out on purpose. He’s pretty sure a couple of the heart shaped rose quartzes are complete duds but what does he care.

He’s thoroughly bored by the time Claire calls him back over. Apparently to tell him that he’ll do a reading tomorrow.

“Tomorrow?!” Danny blurts, “Don’t you want to like- I don’t know, make sure I can- or like.. I don’t know, but tomorrow?”

Claire just smiles at him, “I believe you can handle it, trust me.”

‘Trust you? Lady, I just met you and you’ve been nothing but crazy the whole time!’ Danny wants to say, instead, he keeps his mouth shut and nods with what he’s sure is fear in his eyes.

Then she’s pressing something into his hands and when he looks down it’s a key. A key. There’s no way-

“So be here 9am sharp, Danny! You can open up and I’ll come in later!” Claire starts pushing him towards the door, “And Mr. Wayne should be waiting for you when you get here!”

Danny turns around to catch himself in the doorframe, “Mr who will be what now!? Wait, Ms. Claire, Ma’am- why-!” He stops to lower his volume and ask politely, “Why am I doing this? You don’t even know me,” Danny says, one leg still in the store.

Claire smiles, “Because the universe told me to silly! See you tomorrow! Here’s my number!” Then she slaps a sticky note to his chest with enough finality that Danny takes a step back. The door closes with a click and ring of the bell inside.

Danny stares at the door with his eye twitching for at least a minute.

What the hell did ‘the universe told me to’ even mean, you kook!?

Danny sighs and looks down at the sticky note, quickly inputting the number in his phone before something happens to it.

He’s barely hit save when he finally steps away from the shop front and…. is immediately drenched to the bone.

Because apparently it’d been pouring rain and he simply hadn’t noticed from under the awning.

He watches as blue ink slides off the sticky note in little sad face streaks.

Danny sighs.

[lucithecrow]

One of the greatest experiences as a reader is to look at comments and see all these references to other comics/fics/books and actually understand them. It's so rewarding to know that all my time avoiding my life by chronically reading actually has put me into some sort of community, it makes me less lonely.

[boomposhpow]

WEIRD SCIENCE!!! what ford was doing for 6 years before he met bill in gravity falls fascinates me like what was he up to!!!!! alex hirsch make journal 1 and 2 right now!!!!! i want more anomalies!!!!!

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 318

Danny is learning how to shapeshift. It’s fun, really, and he honestly thinks it’s more than a little cool. Plus it’s not a learn or you fully die sort of thing, which is pretty cool too. He just erm, might’ve also made a mistake. A little oopsie. An uh-oh. 

Erm. So. Apparently stuff stays when you go from ghost to human form. Just erm. More… permanent? Look he panicked, okay! And it wouldn’t have been that bad if not for the fact erm… his friends might’ve done it too…? 

Okay, okay, this is fine erm. Oh hi Mom, Dad I- O-oh yeah! D-definitely! Psst, Tucker, what’s a meta…? Oh. Okay yeah- wait can they use this to avoid the GIW thing? They definitely could, right? Like they definitely can- Sam we need the corkboard!

Er. And inform their parents too… even if it’s more than a little obvious. Maybe they shouldn’t have been trying to mix and match…

[turndecassette2]

[inkyrainstorms]

based on the Billstill au by @jellynut! You guys should totally go check it out, it's so cool and angsty and somehow my monkey brain took that idea and made it Stan tormenting Bill forevermore. (This has spiraled rapidly not its own au of an au based on an earlier idea I had once) (might draw more of this au and that one who knows)

This has been going on for at least 15 hours straight, and Stan is having the time of his goddamn life watching Bill suffer

And then Bill gave Stan horrendous night terrors

And then Stan bought a giant bag of nachos and ground them up into crumbs and dumped them in the sea or some shit

Transcript and full image under cut

Bill, floating intangibly: You're a loser, Mac

Stan, looking up from his magazine: Yeah? And you're an interdimensional demon dumb enough to die in my head. You're the biggest idiot I know, and I know me

[lanalove2012]

[fountainpenguin]

Minor Fanfic Updates

- I'm slowing Life of a Loser's posting schedule down to just Wednesdays and Saturdays [my time zone] instead of every other day. An update will go out Thursday so the end note can inform readers of its schedule change, and the next one will be Saturday.

-> Update schedule was so frequent because I didn't see the point in holding out too long when the whole 'fic is already up on FFN (and I'm not familiar with best schedule for chapters that average 3k words or less, and this 'fic is summer vibes so I didn't want to take forever), but I do think the every other day schedule is overwhelming. Slowing down is smart.

- I have several Hermitcraft-themed 'fics in the anonymous Guess the Authors collection that will have authors revealed on Monday. I spoke more about what that means for subscription emails and plans HERE.

- Updated my Pinned Post to include a What's Going On? section. I added the FOP 'Fics page link, the MCYT 'Fics page link is there but currently unlinked, and I updated my Currently Updating section.

-> You can check that any time you want to see the update schedules for my current projects.

- I've been making Frayed Knots progress, but it's still slow (I have a big, personal thing happening IRL that takes lots of my attention; everything I've been updating throughout the summer is stuff I'd prepped in advance).

-> I was hoping to post consistently in June or July, but I think sometime in August/September is more likely, as I would rather have multiple chapters on hand before I post. My big thing ends early August, so I'll be able to give more attention to writing new content then.

- I've been thinking of finishing Come What May before posting more Frayed Knots. It has 6 chapters left and then I can finally wipe my hands of it after starting it in 2018. I'd love to finish it before 2025. Thank you to everyone for being patient with it!

- I recently added new headers to Dog's Life, Origin of the Pixies, and Frayed Knots that include links to their chapter-by-chapter recap info, so that's there for anyone who wants a recap guide as they go. I've prepped a more detailed recap for the next Frayed Knots chapter that recounts what's happened thus far in Act 3 since it was on hiatus a long time.

- Drafted a series page for my MCYT 'fics (similar to my 130 Series Table of Contents page). It will be up on Monday after Guess the Author is revealed. The purpose of this page:

-> To be linked in my Pinned Post for easy access to people browsing my Tumblr (as previously my only AO3 link there was my multifandom Personal Faves list)

-> Help people see what I write and direct them to series so they can customize the content they receive AO3 emails for

-> I was linking to every other series on my individual MCYT series pages, and there are a lot of them. Every time I added a new series, I had to edit every series page and it got annoying. I'm planning to redirect people to the Tumblr page for series info, which mirrors my current set-up with the 130 series (as of my recent footer update).

-> After the author reveal on Monday, I'm going to update the footers for all my MCYT 'fics (as they are currently inconsistent) to link to this page. I'm working on some more detailed descriptions for series content as well, which will also be linked there to help people decide if they're interested in reading.

- Factor It In still on hiatus for now. I was hoping to update it again in August, but my IRL busy-ness has slowed my ability to get Frayed Knots up. Factor It In is not abandoned; just paused while I work on a 'fic that's older.

-> /cry smile as I think about how Frayed Knots is only one year older than Factor despite them being posted online 6 years apart

-> I promise I have not lost interest in Factor, lol... It's my baby, but it's also my middle grade-adjacent style experiment and it's important to me that it feels a certain way, so I don't want to rush it.

-> Might finish some little WordGirl one-shots I have sitting around, though. They've been sitting with me since 2018... I've just been nervous to post them because. idk. Feelings about them.

- I have been sitting on a far-future Inside Out draft since the movie came out, and now that Inside Out 2 is out (it was lovely! Seeing it a second time today with family), I'm tempted to finish it... You might see that or maybe you won't.

-> It's about the inherent awkwardness of trying to control a body and flirt with another's emotions you know exist but will never meet, especially if you yourself are an emotion and aren't getting the physical sensations that other parts of the body are :') Anxiety and Ennui also getting dropped in my lap, my beloved...

All righty! Thanks for reading my work!

[longmaxsilvarg]

[everysongineverykey]

good omens the book, 1990: see, queen is so ubiquitous in london these days that if you leave a tape in a car for too long, it'll inevitably morph into a best of queen tape. which is why their megahits are playing in crowley's bentley all the time! isn't that a funny and topical joke?

good omens the show, 2019-2023: yeah crowley's car has a hands-free call system and also only plays cassette tapes. yeah it's whatever don't think about it. what's an incredibly earnest and passionate queen love song we can play during this scene where crowley tries urgently to reach aziraphale

[hualianschild]

oh they def had this conversation before

[mommy-gift1]

[linktothefags]

Warning: Assumes reader is male and/or likes the word boy used on them

Hey, you!

Yes, you, the boy reading this post.

You're really cute and pretty and handsome and I don't think you get enough attention for it.

You're doing great keep it up