#Liam is still some sort of a decent human being though

[itsangrynar]

Elie Ravenloft is my BG3 Tav, years later he is also the adoptive father and Master of Liam, my necromancer in my currently campaign.

TLDR; Elie and his husband 🧛‍♂️ had a fight over being parents, they separated for some years. During that time Elie tried to be a good master but failed miserably and "died". Vampire husband comes back, saves Elie with some friend's help and end up together again

BUT....

During that time, as well, Liam ended up turning himself in what he wanted to destroy

The ultimate edgelord bhaalspawn

[myhusbandsasemni]

Happy WBW! 🧒 - What stories would your characters have heard as children? What would they have studied in school?

What a wonderful question that I definitely haven't been struggling to answer for a couple days now.

We'll do this for Gideon and Liam since they were pretty much raised together, and then Aaron who grew up in the Underworld (which I will get around to naming it something really cool)

Liam and Gideon

These Two are cousins, but they were raised pretty closely.

Liam's dad and Gideon's mom are siblings and their other parents were monster hunting partners. The two pairs of parents would occasionally live together and the boys went with them when they moved around for hunts. They were home schooled, but more importantly in their parents' minds they were trained to be hunters.

As the boys grew and helped out with hunts and whatnot, their parents told them all sorts of things. Stories about demons and great battles and different monsters, and how to defeat them. Was they're childhood healthy? Probably not, but they turned out alright (mostly because they learned from their parent's mistakes.)

One story that turned out to be very very integral to their lives were the stories of the 'Hunter's Curse.'

A story about a group of Hunters that went looking for more power to defeat their enemies, and did so over and over again to deal with bigger and bigger threats until they became monsters themselves and destroyed everything around them. Liam and Gideon had been told that story when they were young, but heard it less and less as they got older as their parents started to repeat that history. Gideon's father destroyed three towns before vanishing, and Liam's mother specifically hunted down people she knew, nearly killing Liam and Gideon before continuing her rampage.

Aaron

Aaron grew up in the underworld, and bear with me, I have not gotten into the proper worldbuilding for all this so I'm workshopping some things here.

There are the stories about demons being created as weapons for evil people before they took freedom for themselves, got revenge, and then wandered off to make their own society, there are the stories about different places in the Underworld, stories about evil demons and good demons, stories about the angels coming and almost wiping them all out, even the children.

The story that's really stuck with Aaron, though, is one that actually connects to the translation of his true name. "Faithful Sweeper of the Eternal Root."

The underworld had been created with a lot of food and water, but after the angel attack, it was left open to some neighboring pocket dimensions and pestilence and famine spread, heralding four beasts that would take over. Death, Pestilence, War, and Famine.

Demons began to get sick and die and civil wars started up in different regions and there were many who thought it would be the end of demons. To think, they had survived the culling by the angels only to die in this way.

There was a demon who was like, "Ain't no way, chief, we ain't going out like this." She went to the human world (a very difficult journey if you aren't summoned there) and made it. She talked to magic men, wizards, witches, hags, sorcerers, and anyone with even a touch of magic, gathering it all and working until she had a magic seed. She went back with it to find demons are on the verge of extinction with only 200 ish left. She used the seed to banish the four beasts and planted the seed, which took root and grew, sealing the hole in their pocket dimension. The plant is still there and is called the Eternal Root. It grew through the whole dimension and a lot of regions have built their palaces in those roots. Most demons' true names change depending on what they've done in their lives, their defining characteristics, or their jobs. Aaron works in a palace made almost entirely of roots as a cleaning servant (a pretty decent job by demon standards) and so 'Faithful sweeper of the Eternal Root" is almost literally his job titles.

This was so much. Thank you!

[felineincognito]

Just A Tentative Theory

So I'm new to the Larry and 1D fandoms -brought in by Harry and Loui's solo careers- and I've just binged so many proof videos in literally the two months I've been a part of this thing. Along with all of those I've seen a fair few proof vides of other ships within the fandom, some really biased and others that almost make sense.

Not hating on or discrediting other ships!! This is all just based off my own observations and what I’ve been able to piece together from all of the content I’ve gone through. And I'm sorry it's so rutting long and rambley at bits, I am running on so little sleep I wanna cry and caffeine fumes.

So... this is my babyfan theory and feel free to comment or run with it just remember I'm new to all this and had to get this idea out?

So what if in the beginning, when Louis and Harry met on X-Factor, you have these 2 sweet young boys who like each other but don't really have a lot of hope of anything working out because they're both contestants shooting for the same prize so they harbor these innocent little acquaintance crushes like you'd get on someone you sit down the row from in class in highschool or something right? But then they get made into a group and all of a sudden they're all up in each other's space and they're bunking together and they realize they really do like each other but neither have much experience in relationships yet or more intense emotions so they keep it fairly quiet. They figure that with the press they're getting with the show and the stress of wanting to do well and everyone feeling each other out as a group they really would rather their little romance be just theirs for a little while longer. And of course people in charge of publicity encourage this mindset, telling them that if they come out as a new/forming couple or let it be known they like each other (or just boys in general) that way there would be more attention on that (not all of it good either) than their actual talents or performance(s) and the other boys would be pushed to the sidelines in favor of them and that's just not fair to the other 3 now is it?

Then they don't win X-Factor and they think that's it until they get brought in to make a boyband even though they didn't win because they're just that f-ing popular. But this thing between them is still new and fragile and they haven't had time to work out just what it is or if it's something that's going to last and the label swoops in with a legal gag dressed up as a temporary fix. They don't tell anyone about them, don't do anything overt in public, maybe be seen/paired off with a girl or 2 as a red herring for the press, giving them time to just figure this all out and see if they really will work. And they take it because they're young and this is the chance they've always wanted and there are 3 other lads who will suffer if the two of them turn this down. So they sign and they try to follow the scripts and listen to what their handlers and managers tell them but they're cheeky kids in puppy love and it's almost like a game to see how far they can push it and just what counts as too much when all of the boys are so tactile and affectionate with each other.

And they really do fall in love. In the whirlwind that is the first couple of years, the song writing, the tours, the hours put in at the recording studio and every single press conference and public appearance in between, they fall in love. And it's great and it's good and somewhere along the way they think this might be it for them and they're ready to come out but then the label hits them with the gag they signed and they realize just what it means. They realize that they basically signed away their rights to talk about it or show their love or share it with their fans because it might hurt their image, affect their popularity and hurt their profits. But that's okay, because they have each other and they're in love and the girl Louis is 'dating' isn't so bad and she's cool about the whole thing.

But then it gets hard. The press is making Harry out to be this womanizing sex symbol and pushing for Louis and the girl he's with to start getting serious because supposedly they'd been together while Louis was on the show and really it's about time isn't it? And during all of that the Larry Stylinson fandom has been born and they're putting the pieces together and the lads are cheeky things who are hurting because they can't tell the world they're in love and while Niall supports/ships them (at least from how he acts in proof videos I've seen) Liam agrees with management about not being open about it while Zayn is an odd mix of the 2. So they push it and they let things slip and they give the fans enough to put it together without violating their contracts and yeah management pushes back and takes measures so they don’t seem as close and to hopefully quiet the rumours but overall it's okay again for a while.

Then Harry starts figuring parts of himself out. And he wants to start wearing pretty shirts, bright colours and flashy patterns and painting his nails but they tell him he can't because those are girl shirts and it's too femme to paint his nails and wear bright colours and pastels and it hurts because he just can't be himself. And he wants out. He's tired of being scared he's going to mess up on stage or people won't like their songs enough for the label's liking and he just wants to be able to love Louis without worrying about what everyone else thinks and their little codes and touches just aren't always enough anymore.

So they start to fight. Louis is too scared to leave because he doesn't think he's good enough without the band and they're both still so young and have only been in this world for a few years how can they be sure they'd make it? How do they know that they won't just crash and burn and that will be the end of it? So they fight and they hurt each other and they're already living apart and barely seeing each other outside of work related or group functions because of management and Louis kind of lets himself fall into the illusion of the relationship he's being made to partake in and Harry finds himself growing closer to the other lads and pushing his limits with his wardrobe and public persona.

Now the next bits are where my theory starts to get a little more wobbly because like I said I'm new and my info digging skills are not as good as others in the fandom. A lot of it is based off of videos by freddieismyqueen (before she took them down), larrystylinson 28, Larry Stylinson's Utopia, s e p t e m b e r 2 8 and FireproofLarry.

So in the midst of the fighting and the hurting and both being so scared for so many different reasons they kind of fall apart. To Harry, Louis has chosen his career over their relationship and Louis is hurt and upset that Harry can't/won't see where he's coming from on all of this. And this is where Zarry comes in.

Throughout the Larry jealousy videos one of the things that stuck out to me was that there were a lot of Zarry moments and they seemed closer to the end of the 1D timeline. Before that most of them were just the references to Harry with girls, him being 'flirty' with interviewers or fans or just general cheeky sort of passively possessive moments probably played up to irk management and give the fans more to go off of. But then we get to the points where Harry and Zayn interact more on stage and Louis starts to look right pi**ed and just watches without doing any sort of possessive holding or touches or cheeky little looks and whispers like we're used to. No, Harry and Zayn start flirting on stage or being closer during interviews and Louis is angry and passive aggressive. And in the background Niall looks like he has no idea what the heck to do about all of this and Liam is just done with their cr*p.

So Louis gets his head out of the dirt and tries to make it up to Harry. And it works because this lad is head over heels for Louis and Zayn is left behind. But maybe Harry doesn’t realize that things were a little more on Zayn’s end. Maybe it hurt a little more than expected when the two lads finally figure themselves out. Or maybe Harry and Zayn really were just friends and the ‘Zarry’ moments just ruined his friendship with Louis and he felt it ruined his friendship with Harry too because Louis sees Zayn as a threat now so there’s bloody tension and such all over the place. (personally I’m leaning towards the last and that Louis’ jealous streak probably came out and he had a few a**shole moments because come on guys, he’s only human and they went through a lot as performers in the public eye and if you listen to a lot of his interviews there’s a lot of insecurity issues he’s dealt with over the years)

Then that blessed September 28th happened and it helps their relationship because honeymoon phase yo. But that’s 2013. Life goes on and it gets hard again and they’re pushing it again and life happens. Zayn leaves and it hurts the band because they’re in the middle of a tour and from what I’ve gathered he kind of just shut them out of his life. And so Harry is hurting because losing a friend is hard and Louis is upset that the band is falling apart and the media is having a heyday with the story and they’re in the middle of a blasted tour and that good old jealous streak comes out with Harry being so upset over Zayn leaving. So he’s scared and hurting, and mistakes are made.

Now we know that Liam confessed to a drinking problem at one point and there have been references of Louis having his moments as well. And Louis and Harry still have to ‘date’ girls and Louis is always the long-term one so it would stand to reason that he would have a decent rapport with the girls he’s seen with, that these would be people he learns to be comfortable with. And overindulgence in the presence of someone you trust or are familiar with when you’re hurting can lead to lapses in judgement. Which is probably how we got little Freddie. (And that is all being said of him because we don’t need to drag a child into all this drama people)

Louis being unfaithful, even if it wasn’t intentional, right after Zayn left would put a strain on their relationship and would cause another off period. But they’re still fools in love and married at this point so they try to make it work and they kind of come together again and they figure out how to move forward. But Louis is going to be a dad and their contracts are almost up and Harry still wants out.

So the band splits and Louis is so scared of what comes next and he’s trying to make it all work and the songs he’s released get good responses but not as much as he’d hoped and X-Factor doesn’t pan out and the other 4 are off living their lives. Zayn’s music career is a success and Niall waits awhile but his music is popular fairly right off the bat as well and Liam at least is still in the public eye and Harry is making waves. He’s wearing clothes he couldn’t before and he’s wearing all of the bright prints and flashy colours and those pearls happen and he’s in a movie ya’ll and he’s good at it.

And it takes Louis awhile but he finds his sound and he starts to make music he’s happy with and proud of and he’s finding himself. But he’s still with that old label and the same management.

So here’s where it gets closer to the present. Harry has a thing with Kendall but they part on good terms and I’m guessing it has to do with he tried for appearances sake and she gets it and probably low-key ships them but understands being discreet and giving them time to work it out.

So Louis wants Harry. Harry wants Louis. Louis is probably bound by another form of that dratted legal gag. So Harry waits. Because Harry isn’t scared anymore and he’s figured himself out and he’s happy with himself and he’s in a place where he can be himself and can encourage others to do the same. He gets it now that he’s older and seen more of the industry outside of their 1D bubble and he’s had to handle stuff on his own and he’s killing it.

Louis writes songs about them and being young fools and how love hurts and you have to be either young and dumb or just f-ing brave to go through with it. Harry writes songs about the stages a relationship (specifically theirs) goes through and they have their little rendezvous and Harry fosters this community of love and acceptance of others and Louis talks about finding yourself and being happy with yourself. And Harry has found himself, is happy with himself and Louis is almost there and he’s got that pesky legal gag anyway.

So Harry waits and he’s okay with that because in the end they love each other and he knows where Louis’ heart is and no matter what they have each other, He’s waited this long he can wait a bit more to tell the world just how much he loves this stupid wonderful man.

[booksandwords]

Realms and Rebels: A Paranormal and Fantasy Reverse Harem Collection

Read time: 102 Days (Intermittent) Rating: 4/5

Contains Stories By: C.M. Stunich, Elizabeth Briggs, Margo Bond Collins, Laura Greenwood & Arizona Tape, L.C. Hibbett & N.M. Howell, Lena Mae Hill, Eva Chase, Julia Clarke, Bea Paige & Skye MacKinnon, Amy Sumida, Chloe Adler, AJ Anders & Amanda Perry, Angelique Armae, Joely Sue Burkhart, Caia Daniels, May Dawson, LA Kirk & Lyn Forester, Jackie May, Cecilia Randell, Erin Bedford, Catherine Banks and A.E. Kirk

Overall It took me a while reading this to figure out what was frustrating about it, primarily the stories are first stories or prequels. I would have preferred more stand-alone stories. It is not impossible to create a world in this shorter space but it seems that authors have used it to provide fanservice and some background they wanted but had not written previously. I really hope most of these get published as individually, especially the 1st stories. This is a reasonable collection if you like reverse harem and want something to break up your other reading, none of the stories are taxing. And there is something for all tastes.

See No Devils by C.M. Stunich Disclosure: See No Devils is why I bought Realms and Rebels. I have written a full review which I will post when and if C.M Stunich publishes the story individually. I'm glad I bought it See No Devils is a fast-paced fun ride with brilliant characters that engaged me and made me theorise the significance of characters, of situations. Any story that can do that in 10 chapters is impressive. I loved the characters and the writing, both are amusing and intelligent. This is definitely a series I will be keeping an eye out for. 4.5 stars.

Light the Fire by Elizabeth Briggs Light the Fire is a prequel in the Her Elemental Dragons series (1st book Stroke the Flame). It's not a series I have read but this does make me want to read it, as any entry in an anthology should. The lore is brilliant, there are reverse harems woven into the world, the mythology and I like the fate angle that was used. What really struck me reading Light the Fire is the feeling of fan service, Calla and her men appear in Her Elemental Dragons as supporting characters this feels like something that fans wanted, had asked Ms Briggs for. (Full review is available here.) 4 stars.

Her Big Bad Wolves by Margo Bond Collins Another story with editing issues. Days and names were wrong sometimes. Liam was originally Seth I think and there is one instance where that wasn't changed. And there are continuity issues in the timeline. It is a helluva into a world with decent lore. I would love to spend some time getting to know, James, the pack historian. He is the brains trust and after the alpha the best person to introduce a reader to the world. Has the feel of a prequel if or when the series continues I don't think this will be a necessary read just a pleasant addition. But it did it the nail on the head to a degree S's options are a complete, balanced man. This is common in a reverse harem. (Full review is available here.) 3 stars (.5 loss due to bad editing)

Fifth Soul by Laura Greenwood & Arizona Tape Fifth Soul feels like a lost opportunity. The harem is 3 men and 1 woman centring on a bisexual protagonist. It is a situation I had thought of but never seen in a stand-alone. Given the authors have a series for this universe (Dragon Soul, Torn Soul protagonist Holly makes an appearance) it could have been published left on its own and done very well because that is a situation that is a fantasy for some. It is lost in here this anthology. It's also odd, the lore isn't explained well, the writing isn't consistent and there is too much focus on a single relationship. It's rushed and disappointing because of that. I can't even make this 2 stars. 1.75 stars

A Nightmarish Mystery by L.C. Hibbett & N.M. Howell I have never read any of the Cats, Ghosts and Avocado Toast series, that put me at a distinct disadvantage reading A Nightmarish Mystery. This story fits between A Vet Vanishes (book #2) and A Devilish Disappearance (book #3) and is admitted fan service, though not the kind of fluff one expects from fan service, this is heavy and dark. It can be read as a stand-alone though that is not its intention. I give props to the authors for creating a situation that allowed for fans to get what they wanted but didn't mess with the continuity of the series. I know from the authors note that A Nightmarish Mystery is different to the series but reading this first does not endear me to the series, does not make me curious to read it. Might that defeat at least part of the purpose of the story? 2 stars.

Twisted: A Fairy Tale Mash-up by Lena Mae Hill Another 1st book in a new series unlike the others though this one is explicitly aimed at the YA market. From the time I read it's intended audience I questioned its place in this anthology, Realms and Rebels seems to be aiming at a more mature audience. But Twisted had more sexual intimacy than a few of the others and some seriously dicey consent. Twisted has a well-executed setup Little Red Riding Hood meets Three Little Pigs. Having the leading man be not particularly likeable was a good thing in the scheme of things but Cayenne frustrated me a combination of her Red Riding Hood nature and her attempted modernity, it rubbed me the wrong way. My biggest issue was the questionable consent she sort of assented to their actions but not strongly enough for my conscience. (My full review of Twisted) 3 stars.

Raven’s Fall by Eva Chase Raven's Fall plays with Odin's raven Muninn, the raven of memory and the idea of shapeshifting. When Muninn transforms she appears as standard with a gorgeous black dress. What I really like is the use of the phrase "what in Hel's name" this is possibly the origins of the curse used now, Hel guardian of Helheim the Norse equivalent of the underworld. The language in Raven's Fall is fantastic, it is beautifully descriptive. The raven, the rogue, the healer and the charmer. They are an intoxicating combination. Muninn's innocence/ naivety is endearing because it is understood, she isn't human she is an immortal who has never experienced humanity's joys. Her men share easily, but their stories broke my heart. Mythology is always a whole lot of fun, make it Norse and it becomes even more bloody and vindictive. Reading Raven's Fall certainly made me interested in reading more of the Their Dark Valkyrie series.

Charms of Attraction by Julia Clarke Fantastic characters. Charms of Attraction focuses on the relationships the protagonist has with not only the men in her life but her sister. The portrayal of the sibling relationship between protagonist Katerina and sister Ana is particularly good. I really liked one date in particular. There is potential in the series, as with so many in the anthology though polyandry in the norm in the society. I will say though this story does really need a warning for those sensitive to domestic or psychological violence situations, violence plays a major role in Katerina's past and is discussed in some detail. 3.5 stars

Hell’s Calling by Bea Paige & Skye MacKinnon The first book in the Infernal Descent series re-imagining Dante's Inferno. I enjoyed the characters and the plot definitely looking forward to reading more. This story establishes the word, the characters, some of the internal relationships but stops short of anything drastic physically. Hell's Calling does for me what an entry in an anthology needs to do It makes me want to read more in the series. I want to know what happens to Ciera, Maro, (Cer)Beres, Plutus & Tris. 4.5 stars

Twisted by Amy Sumida What a brilliant take on the Wizard of Oz. It just works for me, nothing feels out of place. The origins are obvious and the twists are so clean and logical. My full review of twisted

Inconceivable Origin by Chloe Adler I read two chapters and stopped. I found the protagonist insufferable, she rubbed me completely the wrong way. Also, I have major issues with rape, I'm sure that there the author finds a way to write her way out of it (we are talking about magic here) but I can't do it.

On The Edge Of Forever by AJ Anders & Amanda Perry WTH just happened? So much promise, so much build. It was so rushed at the end I got head spin. Actually, the story felt incomplete, there is nothing confirming the status of the story as a first or a prequel, it just ends. I was so happy reading the start of this. It has an interesting lore that the authors did their best to explain as briefly as possible. The men having a pre-existing relationship helped for succinct writing as they could talk among themselves rather than just to her. The protagonist is badass and her familial relationships are brilliant. but their end is disconcerting. It's still a 3.5/4 star story.

Eclipse by Angelique Armae Bastet is a fave deity. I had to attempt to put aside some of my own issues to read this, I try to stay away from titles with any BDSM elements, even light ones. Spanking is part of the makeup of Eclipse. So this is an alright read if you don't mind your mythology being butchered. I liked the characters, to a degree I liked the lore but I cringed at the use of Egyptian mythology it just wasn't working for me. The truly appealing aspect of this story was the relationships, the reader meets the immortal daughter of Egyptian Goddess Bastet, Marcus the Lion, Lucius the Tiger and Horatio the Panther in present-day Manhattan but their relationship has existed since 30 B.C. It is an established, happy relationship. There are intimate moments with two of the three men but not the 3rd that was disappointing. 2.5

Queen Takes Jaguars by Joely Sue Burkhart Absolutely gorgeous. So much sex-positivity. I really loved the confidence and the owning of womanhood. I definitely made want to read more of the series (despite it having a different perspective). There is a whole scene in a hotel which is both hot as hell and emotionally devastating. I really liked the characters and the lore. (Full review is available here.) 4 stars.

Sovereign of Soul by Caia Daniels 3 chapters in I gave up. it didn't grab me and had done an awful job of explaining the lore and wtf was going on. Essentially it felt like a combination prequel and fanservice piece, despite only being a prequel. The series does have an interesting basis for the harem creation though.

Ugly Magic by May Dawson This is one of the stories I skipped for no real valid reason. I stopped 4 chapters in one day and didn't pick it up for about 5 weeks. By which point I was completely lost and it just made more sense to skip it.

At Water’s Edge by LA Kirk & Lyn Forester To me At Water's Edge is more a journey of self-discovery than a typical reverse harem, it feels like it's more about her than her relationship with them. The ending is just gorgeous. The story is quite self-contained. There is a lack of explanation that didn't detract from the enjoyability, I get the feeling there is some serious lore in play. I really like the portrayal of the neriads is perfect, they are quite bratty, teenage girl. 4 stars

My Soul To Keep by Jackie May A nicely written, pleasant story with lovable characters in an interesting setting. The protagonist is window-able, she is quite easy for you to see yourself in. Fairy-tale but in the best possible way. A shared trait to Her Big Bad Wolves by Margo Bond Collins with day by day dating to try and choose a man. 4 stars

Blinded Beauty by Cecilia Randell Odd, not bad just odd, it wasn't gripping for me. Blinded Beauty makes decent use of fantasy themes. it doesn't get bogged down in the lore it just gives you tid bits. Polyandry relationship is a non-issue is just happens, which works well. I quite like the characters though. 3 stars

Indebted to the Vampires by Erin Bedford I skipped this one. I just couldn't. it's short the synopsis just didn't appeal. I can see a way to make it not dangerous but it would be difficult.

Moon Academy by Catherine Banks Again the skipped because the premise really didn't appeal. It is possible it might have worked but by the time I got to Moon Academy I was done. I might come back to the 4 (?) I missed but I don't know.

Demon In Distress by A. E Kirk Demon in Distress is a definite book one, or possibly the working base for a book one. It just comes to a dead stop. After reading it I felt like it shouldn't be in here, I really hope they publish it stand alone. It is a dissatisfying end to the collection. It isn't awful but it does just stop with a clear indication of the future direction. I didn't enjoy it, I did enjoy See No Evil which faces the same issues. 2 stars.

[sassysweetstories]

just for one night

Request: “TW and Percy Jack imagine being Scott demigod half sister and stuff and the pack doesnt know it and it's been a while since she came home bcuz of the wars and quests and stuff and she meets Liam her old friend and stuff like that.” 

Ship: (minor) Liam Dunbar

Notes: none of these gifs are mine, credit to the owners. 

Tagged:  @bailey-hoover @kiralivelove @thalia-prior-of-ravenclaw@anamcg317bellasett @queentiffanyyy @archer-whovian-violinist@beingmadinwonderland@princessisabelle19 @violence-and-velvet@lachicadelamanzana

Warnings: fluff, mentions of fighting, blood, angst, fluff, etc. 

Third P.O.V 

The air smelled thickly of gun-powder, smoke and death. (Y/n) held her sword to the beasts throat, looking all the more warrior she was trained to be. Camp-half blood did her well, molding her into a fighter monsters feared would lurk in the dark of the night. The beast wined and whimpered under her merciless grip. (Y/n) didn't care for repercussions, knowing well that they would not come for her. 

With quick and skillful hands, she threw a cloak around the creature, sending them away to die peacefully. The information she needed came with a price; the lives of these Greek monsters. As well as holding the burden of their deaths on her very young shoulders. One life for the cause. One life to save the hundreds of innocents. It needed to be done. No matter the cost. That didn’t mean she wouldn’t try to help them. But some just wouldn’t give. 

A beautiful owl, body as white as snow with a twinkle of gold on it’s wings flew into the building, resting on the post as he awaited to send his message. “Orion.” She says softly, smiling as the owl purred under her gentle touch. She pulled the letter from his leg before pulling out some treats. (Y/n) let out an exhausted sigh. The cursive was not hard to read, but difficult to swallow. 

Beacon Hills.  Werewolf / Hybrid Killings.  Upon receiving, leave immediately.  Report to Orion when finished.  Camp-Half Blood Council. 

The drive was nothing short from brutal and she wanted nothing more than the comfort of a soft bed and warm food to fill her belly. Cheep food and decent company was all she could afford at the moment, knowing well that things may change upon arriving home. She hadn’t seen her family in over three years and was sure to be bombarded with questions upon her sudden arrival. Though she was more focused on the task at hand and not the childish reminiscing (Y/n) knew Scott and her mother would throw at her. She only wished for her father, Eros to be there, too. She had only heard tales of him, never meeting the man she was told about her whole life. 

Eros, Greek god of love. In some stories he first appears as a primordial god, born from Chaos and in others he is the son of Aphrodite. Eros was responsible for spurring procreation at the beginning of the cosmos. He embodied love, athleticism, sexual power and art. Eros was often regarded as the protector of homosexual love between men and known as cupid in other tales. According to her mother, she had met, Eros, named Aaron, at a dinner party. He was a charismatic man and swept her mom off her feet. That night, it was just the two of them. And one too many drinks later, they ended up at her place, limps tangled in a lustful embrace. 

They continued seeing each other, which was odd for a god and a human relationship. But soon, they began to drift, fight and eventually separate. When her mom missed her period, she knew. But Aaron had no contact to her, forcing Melissa to bare the child on her own before finding another man and having Scott. Soon, he left, too. Apart of (Y/n) wondered if she really wanted to meet the man that left her, left Melissa. But just as the thought came through her mind, it was just as quick to snuff out. 

She knocked on the door, unsure of how to approach such a delicate situation. That was until her mother answer, hugging her so tight the wind nearly knocked out of her. A group of young teens gathered around, perplexed, watching with curious eyes. Scott croaked, smiling as tears fell down his cheeks. “(Y/n)..? Is that you?” Their mother pulled back for a fleeting moment to hold both her children, smiling up at her two supernatural children. “How’s camp-half blood? Why have they taken you so long? Are you safe? God, you look so beautiful!” (Y/n) grinned down at her mother, laughing to ease the tension on her features. 

“It’s good, mom. I’m safe. They didn’t train me to fail. I’m one of the best demi’s there. I’m back because I missed you but I also have to complete a mission.” Scott’s friends looked on at her, analyzing the woman down to a T. She stared back at each of them, dominating the room. “Do they know?” She asked Scott, wondering if these people were the pack he so fondly wrote about. The young boy released a crooked smile, one that would make her great something grandmother, Aphrodite, proud. “Sort of.” Stiles walked forward, grinning. 

“Hey hun. Miss me?” He walked past her family, pulling him into a tight embrace. Stiles had been her closest companion. The George to her Fred. When together, they were a truly dangerous duo. Before she didn’t know a thing about her abilities but they sure made getting away with things easier. “Of course, Batman.” His laugh was so much lower thanks to puberty, body more defined, too. “And I missed you. You gotta catch me up on all the gory God details.” She laughed into his chest, feeling light for the first time in a long time. 

A voice from behind Stiles cleared his throat, catching her attention. “Hey (Y/n)..” Liam said, softly. He was much taller and stronger than he use to be. Pulling him into a warm embrace, (Y/n) held onto the love int the room like it would slip through her fingers. “Let’s get some food.” Melissa said, grinning. “Who wants pizza?” They cheer in unison, trickling into the other room while (Y/n)’s eyes lingered on Liam, happy to see him again. Melissa laced her arm around her daughter, glad to see her child once more after such a long time apart. There was much for the young girl to still do but just for tonight, she’d be a normal kid, once again. 

(I hope you guys like it! Please comment below) 

[scrapyardboyfriends]

Finally all caught up on the last two weeks of Emmerdale...

Human Graham is surprisingly tolerable. Don’t get me wrong, I still couldn’t really care less about him getting killed off because frankly, it’s been a long time coming. However, this more human version of him that is in casual clothes and hanging with Rhona and actually has motivations of his own, is really what his character should have been all along. Because the stuffy robot in a suit who just grunts and takes orders from Joe and then Kim, especially the Kim version, was just really not a good character. Freeing him from the hold the Tates have had over him has really made him so much better because he doesn’t have to be cryptic anymore. I’m sure there’s still another ten or so convoluted backstories in there just ready to burst out before the end, but still, it feels like he can finally speak freely for the first time in forever. I also kind of enjoy him taunting Al with the whole “don’t be me and get sucked into Kim’s web of insanity, she’ll eat you alive” thing. Cause it’s true. 

Speaking of Al, I miss the confident smarmy businessman he started out as. And I don’t know that I want him to just be the new Graham. I mean, he at least has other connections so maybe that will spare him the same fate, but we’ll see. 

New Ellis...is...strange. I’m sure he’ll just take some getting used to but in that scene where he was sort of scolding Billy, he kind of felt like the older brother and not just because he looks a lot older than Asan. They’re going to kind of have to work out a new dynamic for him and Billy. I don’t know. We’ll see how it goes. #DamnitAsan 

I do think overall though, Home Farm has improved a bit. I mean it’s still not great, but at least we’re not spending ten minutes an episode dealing with Millie going to private school as a B plot. So there’s that. And Human Graham being more of a wild card does make the Millie paternity thing marginally more interesting. I also thought Kim with Andrea after the miscarriage was pretty decent. 

I still think it would be interesting to see Kim show some real emotion though. She’s still very guarded 99% of the time. I’d love to see her actually fall for someone and have real feelings for them. I also miss her friendship with Rhona. She needed that relationship, I think. However, I did love her going round to try and bribe Wendy to leave and warning her that she better not make a wrong move. 

The Jamie/Belle stuff was interesting. I wanted that when he first showed up because they were kind of sweet together. But then they saddled him with a wife and child and he was soooo boring and whiny. So since Millie is clearly going to be Graham’s and who knows...maybe Andrea will kill him, maybe this does free Jamie up for a thing with Belle. I’m not sure her and New Ellis will work out so I’d support this. 

I still could do without Nate but just...thank god the affair is over now. He’s tolerable just trying to round up turkeys and hanging with Pete and Belle. I mean, I still do not need him to be Cain’s son and try and form a relationship with him. Because really Cain and Charity too were the last people that needed more random (adult) children. But here they are...being useless. Ryan’s barely even on the show. At least Nate is sort of doing something being a pawn for Kim. 

Moira since the affair is...well more tolerable than during the affair I suppose. I did like her chat with Vanessa. It’d be nice if they remembered they were friends more often. I just want her to lose the farm soooo badly though. She’s just stuck up there and it’s not good for her character anymore. She needs to lose the farm, really hit rock bottom and then build herself back up away from it. And then we can get a new farming family...one with plenty of members to kill off in future storylines. Haha. I did love Pete’s line “and what happened to all of the family I came here with?!”

That Danny kid is a total creep but I like seeing more of Noah and I like him trying to protect Sarah. 

The Jai/Laurel/Jimmy/Nicola/Arthur/Archie stuff has been interesting. I really do like Jai and Laurel together and I think it’s good that they’re giving them all of this angst. It’s affecting their relationship but it’s also giving them stuff to work through. And the tension between Laurel and Nicola has been good too because at least it’s giving a focus to their friendship, however fractured it is right now. And I love getting more of Nicola and Jimmy and her sticking up for him always. And poor Jimmy. He doesn’t deserve any of this. Dark!Arthur is interesting. I do think they’ve done it in a way that makes sense. And I think both kids are doing great with the story. I really hope once it all comes out though that both kids can get some help and come out of it well in the end. Poor Archie though. And with the King kids joining in too. 

Random, but I loved Nicola telling her kids not to talk to Arthur anymore or Dottie...well Dottie doesn’t really talk but don’t talk to her either. Haha. 

Lydia is still breaking my heart. Agatha is super annoying. I feel like there’s hope there somewhere for a relationship between them someday but for now she really needs to back off. I did enjoy Beth wanting to watch the village drama though. 

Speaking of village drama, the panto stuff is quite fun. It’s nice to have that story running along with the rest. I love Manpreet as the director and Liam trying to take over. I don’t really understand this whole Leyla/Liam thing. I wonder if it’s just a tease for later and a plot point so that Diane can tell Liam that Bernice probably isn’t coming back because eventually that news is going to have to come out. 

And then there’s Wendy....who sucks. Interesting watching all of it in context to the rest of the episodes. Finally got to see that Chas and Wendy conversation. It was....yeah. I mean I don’t think they meant to equate anything Aaron’s done with what a rapist has done but...they did. And they should stop. I still hate Bob being all nice to her and telling Aaron to be nicer to her. Would he tell Vic that too? I mean I guess Chas, her other cheerleader, did so who knows?! I do at least like the rest of the villagers sticking up for Victoria. I liked that Brenda and Laurel conversation about her. And Nicola and Jimmy in the pub with Charity. All of it just makes me really confused as to where they’re going with it though. I mean they have to be working towards her admitting what Lee did but when? And what does that do for the story? Ugh...blech. I just want her to go away. And as much as I thought the Luke and Aaron scenes were well done, and I’m glad he’s standing up for Victoria too, he can still go with Wendy. I just want Vic free of that family once and for all. 

Poor Aaron though. He really does not look well at all. I did notice watching it again, that he has to sit down because he’s about to pass out when Luke mentions “your husband is in prison” though. I’ll take what I can get okay. Haha. Still loving that “this is for Robert” line also. Bless. 

[thechildoflightning]

Tectonic Plates- Ch3

Title: Tectonic Plates [Masterpost]

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Pairings: None

~~~

Chapter Title: Transform

Summary: 

Everything over the past few weeks comes together

Warnings: Memory Loss, Borderline Passive Suicidal Thoughts, Tics, Chronic Pain, Gender Dysphoria, Deadnaming, Fatphobia, Ableism

<strong> TW: Memory Loss, Borderline Passive Suicidal Thoughts, Tics, Chronic Pain, Gender Dysphoria, Deadnaming, Fatphobia, Ableism </strong>

I don’t currently have the spoons for in depth tws at the end of the chapter rn, so message me if you have any questions about tws

[ao3 link]

~~~

Chapter Three: Transform

Patton wakes to searing pain that courses through his entire body, pain strong enough that it makes his breathing hitch and stomach curl with nausea. He squeezes his eyes tight as if that would do anything to help. Maybe this is all a bad dream he’ll wake up from. He’s not hopeful. He doesn’t dare risk moving, the fire in his body so unbearable that Patton doesn’t risk doing anything. He takes small shallow breaths and wishes for it to be over.

He fades in and out of consciousness. He’s not sure if thats due to pain or exhaustion. He remembers glancing over at his clock at one point and finding it significantly early, though Patton can’t remember what time it read. He doesn’t know if he forgot from pain, or if it’s just his memory failing him once more.

He wants to cry, but he doesn’t risk it because heavy loud crying will make his body shake and that will just make everything worse.

He briefly wishes he had no bones, just a puddle of human goop that doesn’t ache, before realizing that would only help so much. A lot of the pain is in his joints, but it’s also in his nerves and getting rid of bones wouldn’t help that any.

So maybe he gets rid of his bones and nerves.

He wouldn’t feel anything that way.

He could go back to sleep forever without pain.

He almost wishes for it.

Almost.

He’s not quite sure what stops him.

He floats in a haze, not quite awake, not quite asleep. Tiredness seeps into his body, dragging him to sleep, and the pain fights it, demanding Patton’s awake to feel the torture it performs on him.

His alarm goes off at some point, and he barely pays any notice to it. He’s in too much pain to think of anything but the pain, and thinking of the pain makes it worse. It’s a vicious terrible cycle, so terrible, that Patton doesn’t even notice that his door has been pushed open until his ma is settling at his side.

“Hi honey,” she whispers soothingly.

“Hi,” he croaks out, the single word taking more energy than expected.

His ma looks at him and she radiates love so strongly that Patton just wants to curl up in her arms and break down crying. But both of those actions will cause him to hurt more, so he settles for lying on his bed, head facing his mother, pushing back tears.

“I… I don’t think I can go to school today,” he says.

“That’s okay,” his ma dismisses immediately and Patton breathes a small sigh of relief. He never thinks that his parents would make him go- knows they understand, knows they wouldn’t push it. But well- he gets worried sometimes. He misses a lot of school, he takes a lot of energy to care. He knows his moms love him but he can’t help worry about his place in their lives occasionally.

“Do you need anything?”

“Heat,” Patton replies immediately, “And meds too please. And… and can I get some water? Is that okay?”

“Of course hon,” she soothes, “You are going to have to eat something with the pain meds though.”

Patton knows that. He knows that he doesn’t want to because eating takes so much effort and his stomach is already swirling in displeasure.

“Okay,” he says.

“Can you rate the pain? And tell me where it hurts?”

“9,” he says, “and everywhere. It hurts everywhere.”

“Okay. If you can’t, that’s okay, but can you try to be a bit more specific?”

My legs, hips, back, neck, shoulders,” he says, “Back especially. All along it.”

“Do we need to go to the ER?” is her next question.

Patton’s in enough pain that he considers it for a minute. It’s always a challenge debating on what he does and doesn’t need, when the pain is enough to warrant medicine, hospital admittance, and anything else.

“No. Not yet,” he settles on, but keeps it as an option. His meds don’t take away the pain entirely, but they do work decently well. Hopefully with the assistance his body will stop torturing him.

“Okay. Do you want me to stay? I can ask your Mom to get everything.”

“Can you?” he asks hopefully, not wanting to let her go.

“Of course,” she says, pulling out her phone to call his Mom and explain what’s going. She finishes quickly and turns her attention back to Patton.

“Can I hold your hand?” she asks.

“Yes. DOn’t touch my shoulder.”

She nods easily and carefully takes his hand in hers, smoothing over the back of his palm with her thumb. He gets heat, meds, water, and chokes down a little bit of food. It’s a slow, painful process. But the heat and meds help enough that Patton slowly drifts off once more.

-

He wakes to an empty room. He takes observance of his body, feeling out where it does and doesn’t hurt. It’s still flaring brightly with pain, so hot it burns. But it has subsided somewhat from a torturous pain to a heavy, burning violence. 

His back aches and he reaches for his phone at his bedside table, shooting off a quick text to his moms.

A moment later his door opens, and Blythe is slipping into his room, TENS unit in hand.

“Ma is picking Liam and- tehch- Dani up from school, Mom’s at work,” she explains their absence as she approaches Patton’s bed, “Do you know- hu- the intensity, frequency, and- hu hu HU- and the duration and all that? Because I don’t but I’m sure Moms have it. I can ask them.”

“It’s in my notebook,” Patton says, “but it can also really vary.”

“Okay,” Blythe agrees, walking over to his desk to grab the blue notebook and flipping to the pages about pain treatment- specifically for the electrical nerve stimulation the TENS unit will provide.

“Let’s just start with what it says in there and then I can adjust it,” Patton tells her.

“ACK- sounds good,” she agrees, finding the page. She picks up the notebook, before immediately throwing it with a tic.

“Yeet,” Patton mutters as she picks it up, rolling her eyes at Patton’s commentary.

She comes back over to Patton’s bed.

“Okay,” she says finally, “You’re going to have to turn- tehch- over.”

“I know,” Patton says miserably, not moving.

He breathes a few times.

“Help me?” he requests.

Blythe nods and sets down the notebook and TENS unit.

“What do you want me to do?” she says.

“Help shift my hips when I turn,” he instructs.

Blythe nods and begins the painful process of flipping to his stomach. He wants to go fast to get this over with, but he also wants to move slowly and carefully. It’s a balancing act- and Patton’s balance is notoriously awful.

They get there eventually, Patton gritting through the pain.

Blythe helps with attaching the electrodes to his back and then the TENS is switched on, providing welcome relief.

“Hey, wanna watch a show with me?” Blythe asks, once Patton’s settled for a minute.

“Sure,” Patto agrees, welcoming an easy distraction.

“Okay, I’ll go- ACK hu-  grab my computer,” she tells him, “Don’t move.”

Patton snorts, “Wouldn’t dream of it.”

She gives him a look and races out of his room.

-

The next day is better, but that isn’t saying too much. It’s a glass half full, half empty sort of situation. Patton can get out of bed, can even get to school, but his body still thrums in pain. But he gets through, and it’s not too bad even though it hurts and Patton- well he doesn’t quite count it as a win but it’s certainly not a loss. 

He isn’t binding because there’s no way he’d put his binder on right now with his current back issues, but it does mean he gets misgendered more which sucks. The dysphoria creeps back in and more people deadname him and Patton wants to transition so bad, but right now he’s just stuck.

He’s ready to go home.

Luckily enough, his last class of the day rolls around.

Unluckily enough, the teacher announces they will continue working on their group project.

Shit, Patton forgot about that.

His group shuffles together, and Patton sighs in grits his teeth as he joins them. Part of it is from pain, part is from annoyance with the project in general.

“Okay,” one of the girls said, “Can everyone get their stuff out? To see where we all are?”

Patton forgets her name, but does remember she’s been consistently rude to him and unwilling to listen when he’s explained his accommodations.

The group starts pulling out computers and papers. Patton himself only pulls out one measly paper of a short outline. It’s all he has done so far. The girl’s gaze turns angrily towards him when she realizes that all he has, and Patton sinks in his seat. His other two teammates look at him in pity, but don’t jump in to help.

“That’s all you have?” she asks.

“Yes,” Patton mumbles.

“Eileen! This project is due next week.”

“M’ name is Patton.”

“Okay- Patton, whatever. This project is due in a week and you’ve barely started! We’re being graded as a group here. And I need an A in this class. I get that you don’t care about school or are trying to sabotage the group because you don’t like me or- or whatever, but it doesn’t matter. You need to do your work. Stop slacking off and get it together. By the due date.”

It’s been a long day, a long week, a long year.

Patton’s so goddamn tired and his spoons are running low and he doesn’t want to deal with this stupid project or this stupid partner of his who’s name he doesn’t even remember. Patton’s trying okay? He’s been trying so damn hard, so damn hard for everyone. Being disabled isn’t easy, and people act as if it makes it so hard for their lives, but how do they think Patton feels?

He’s the one with the memory that doesn’t work, with the body that acts constantly, with being scorned for being overweight, who’s judged for using a mobility aid, and who everyone thinks is faking. Patton’s the one dealing with this, not them. It’s not fair. It’s not fair.

Tears prick in the corner of his eyes.

He can’t cry. He can’t. There’s no way they’ll take him seriously then and they’ll probably call him a girl and-

“I told you at the beginning,” he says, voice shaky but loud, “That we got three extra weeks.”

“Yeah!” she says, “If we need it. And we’re probably going to need it now because you can’t do one stupid assignment. But taking extra time is failing.”

“I do need it,” Patton snaps, and he’s loud enough that he gains the attention of some of the groups near them. “I’ve always needed it. That’s why it’s given to me. Maybe you don’t, that’s fine. But I do.”

“I don’t get why you can’t just do it?” she argues back, “Are you just fine with failure?”

“Yeah,” Patton says, “Yeah I am fine with failure. I fail all the fucking time. Life is a series of failures when you’re disabled and it sucks. Do you think I want to be in pain? Do you think I like forgetting almost everything? Do you think I enjoy struggling to keep up in a project with some annoying ableist teammate who’s not listening to me? No. I don’t. It sucks. But this time- this time I’m not failing. I’m demanding the time I need, and that’s not failure, that’s success.”

“You shouldn’t need to push for extra time,” she says.

Patton laughs, effectively gaining the rest of the class’s attention as they all tune in on their argument.

“You know what” he says, “You know what, for once you’re right. I shouldn’t have to push for extra time. I should be able to just tell you I need three extra weeks and you should accept that. I shouldn’t have to push for accommodations, that shouldn’t be my responsibility. The world is ableist and it sucks, so it’s either push for accommodations or let myself suffer. It just depends on how much energy I have.”

“Look I get that you’re disabled or whatever,” she snaps, “But it’s pretty hard to work with you when you demand extra time without even telling us why. You should at least share with us about how you’re disabled.”

“Share with you?” Patton asks incredulously, “Share with you? It’s my disability, I can share whatever I damn well please. It’s up to me and only me what I disclose and you-”

Patton forgets the rest of the argument, coming back with a rush as he takes a bite of his chicken, and stares across the table at his family at dinner.

Once he realizes what happened, he springs up from his chair. His hips and back shriek in protesting and he almost falls over. He catches himself on the table, hand clutching the wood, before racing off to his room, tears streaming down his face. He ignores the worried calls from behind him.

He crashes onto his bed and dives under the covers, wrapping them firmly around him even as he continues to sob. Seconds later and his moms enter the room. His ma crouches by his bed and his mom sets his cane against the bed stand table before joining him.

“Darling,” his mom whispers, “What’s wrong?”

Patton shudders through the tears and wonders how to respond.

“We have a group project in school,” he starts.

“Okay,” his ma says, taking his hand to rub soothingly.

“And- and there’s this girl and she won’t listen to me about my accommodations and it sucks because I can’t meet the normal time but I also don’t have the energy to push for my accommodations and it’s- I don’t want to push for extra time I just want her to be okay with it. And she’s been really rude and I yelled at her today and the whole class was paying attention and I don’t even remember what the end result was because I forgot and I-” he sighs, tears slowing, “I just hate it,” he sighs, “Like I’m disabled. For life. Some things might get better, some might get worse. Okay. I can deal with that. I’ve been dealing with it all my life. It can suck at times and be hard, but I mean- I don’t remember when I wasn’t disabled, I was a baby. It’s part of my life. But it’s just-”

Patton breaks out in a fresh wave of tears, pausing for a minute while he sobs.

“It’s just that I have- I have to prove it everywhere I go. I have to push to get my minimum needs met and nobody understands and nobody listens and it sucks and I don’t know if that’s ever going to improve and I hate it. And it- I even worry about you guys. Cause like- I know you love me. I know that, okay? But when I see how everyone else refuses to even meet the bare minimum of my needs and the two of you being the best moms I could have ever asked for, I start to wonder if it’s too much, y’know? Like if I’m too much.”

“Patton-”

“And it’s like, I know that's stupuid. I know that’s the internalized ableism talking, that I do deserve you and I deserve my needs being met. I know that. It’s just hard to remember when there’s so much external ableism pressing down hard on me. Y’know? And that- that sucks. And it’s- it’s been a rough few weeks and I do not have the spoons to deal with this.”

“We love you,” his mom says.

“Yes, we love you very much,” his ma says.

“I know,” Patton says, “I know. I love you too.”

He sniffles and wipes at his nose.

“Can we do anything to support you?” his ma asks.

Patton shrugs, and it pulls at his back painfully. He relaxes his shoulders.

“I don't know,” he admits, “I do feel a bit better now.”

“Sometimes we just need to get it all out,” his ma agrees.

Pat nods.

“I’m tired,” he admits after awhile. “I think I’m gonna go to bed. Worry about the project tomorrow. Thank you. Love you.”

“We love you too,” his moms say together, his mom setting a kiss on his forehead and his ma with a kiss on his hand and Patton feels so intensely, purely, loved.

He turns in his part of the project four weeks later, on the extended date he was given. The girl who’s been on his case scowls at him as he turns it in, and he ignores her. The teacher accepts the project without complaint, only stopping Patton briefly to ask if the time was enough.

“Yes,” Patton says, “Yes it was.”

The girl’s still mad at him. Patton’s going to continue to face endless ableism. It sucks. It’s going to suck. But he has his family, and he has their support and he’s just going to keep stumbling forward because really, what other choice does he have?

And maybe along the way, the world will slowly change into a place Patton no longer has to demand to be accommodated.

~~~

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@mewithanie @eddies-spaghetti @lemonyellowlogic @savioursailor @goldteethandacurseforthistown @you-betcha-weirdo @gattonero17

[gaysparklepires]

15. Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock

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Hey Jake, thought you said you wanted me at dusk. How come you didn’t have Liam wake me up before he crashed?

’Cause I didn’t need you. I’m still good.

He was already picking up the north half of the circle. Anything?

Nope. Nothing but nothing.

You did some scouting?

He’d caught the edge of one of my side trips. He headed up the new trail.

Yeah—I ran a few spokes. You know, just checking. If the Cullens are going to make a hunting trip...

Good call.

Seth looped back toward the main perimeter.

It was easier to run with Seth than it was to do the same with Liam. Though Liam was trying—trying hard—there was always an edge to his thoughts. He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to feel the softening toward the vampires that was going on in my head. He didn’t want to deal with Seth’s cozy friendship with them, a friendship that was only getting stronger.

Funny, though, I’d’ve thought his biggest issue would just be me. We’d always gotten on each other’s nerves when we were in Sam’s pack. But there was no antagonism toward me now at all, just the Cullens and Beau. I wondered why. Maybe it was simply gratitude that I wasn’t forcing him to leave. Maybe it was because I understood his hostility better now. Whichever, running with Liam wasn’t nearly as bad as I’d expected.

Of course, he had made a pretty big fuss when I brought the food and clothes Esme had sent for him. At first he threatened to chuck them in the river. I’d decided to ignore his threats and sit down and eat my share—it did smell nearly irresistible away from the vampire burn. After a while he calmed down and begrudgingly ate some of the food. Then he took to sulking.

Maybe we should run a sweep east? Seth suggested. Go deep, see if they’re out there waiting.

I was thinking about that, I agreed. But let’s do it when we’re all awake. I don’t want to let down our guard. We should do it before the Cullens give it a try, though. Soon.

Right.

That got me thinking.

If the Cullens were able to get out of the immediate area safely, they really ought to keep on going. They probably should have taken off the second we’d come to warn them. They had to be able to afford other digs. And they had friends up north, right? Take Beau and run. It seemed like an obvious answer to their problems.

I probably ought to suggest that, but I was afraid they would listen to me. And I didn’t want to have Beau disappear—to never know whether he’d made it or not.

No, that was stupid. I would tell them to go. It made no sense for them to stay, and it would be better—not less painful, but healthier—for me if Beau left.

Easy to say now, when Beau wasn’t right there, looking all sad at me and also clinging to life by his fingernails at the same time...

Oh, I already asked Edward about that, Seth thought.

What?

I asked him why they hadn’t taken off yet. Gone up to Taras’ place or something. Somewhere too far for Sam to come after them.

I had to remind myself that I’d just decided to give the Cullens that exact advice. That it was best. So I shouldn’t be mad at Seth for taking the chore out of my hands. Not mad at all.

So what did he say? Are they waiting for a window?

No. They’re not leaving.

And that shouldn’t sound like good news.

Why not? That’s just stupid.

Not really, Seth said, defensive now.  Edward doesn’t want to take any risks moving Beau.

He’s better than he was.

Seriously,Seth agreed. In his head, he was comparing my memories of Beau hooked up to the tubes with the last time he’d seen him as he’d left the house. Beau had smiled at him and waved. But he can’t move around much, you know. And his body is still pretty weak. Just one little tumble off the couch and he broke a freaking rib!

I swallowed back the pain. I know, I was there.

Oh,his thoughts grew somber, no, it happened earlier after you left. So I guess he’s broken two now.

My stride faltered, and I staggered a step before I regained my rhythm.

Carlisle taped him up again. Just another crack, he said. Then Royal said something about how humans fall and crack ribs all the time. Edward looked like he was gonna rip his head off.

Too bad he didn’t.

Seth was in full report mode now—knowing it was all vitally interesting to me, though I’d never’ve asked to hear it. Beau’s been running a fever off and on today. Just low grade—sweats and then chills. Carlisle’s not sure what to make of it—the disease keeps… mutating, I guess.

Yeah, Carlisle mentioned that before.

Beau’s in a decent mood, though. I mean, sometimes he seemed really sad. Like he was thinking about something.

Oh, so now he’s thinking? Given the entire situation, I found that unlikely.

It’s weird, sometimes he just looks so sad, but then he’ll snap out of it and be totally fine. Like when was chatting with Charlie, laughing and all—

Charlie! What?! What do you mean, he was talking to Charlie?!

Now Seth’s pace stuttered; my fury surprised him. Guess he calls every day to talk to him. Sometimes Beau’s mom calls, too. Beau sounds so much better now, so he was reassuring them that he was on the mend—

On the mend? What the hell are they thinking?! Get Charlie’s hopes up just so that he can be destroyed even worse if he dies? I thought they were getting him ready for that! Trying to prepare him! Why would Beau set him up like this?

He might not die, Seth thought quietly.

I took deep breath, trying to calm myself. Seth. You know how badly I want to believe he’s going to pull through this. But chances are he won’t. The second he’s strong enough they’re going to have to… to… I couldn’t think the words. Anyway, he knows that, and so do the rest of them. If he doesn’t die, he’s going to have to do a pretty convincing impersonation of a corpse, kid. Either that, or disappear. I thought they were trying to make this easier on Charlie. Why... ?

Think it’s Beau’s idea. No one said anything, but Edward’s face kinda went right along with what you’re thinking now.

On the same wavelength with the bloodsucker yet again.

We ran in silence for a few minutes. I started off along a new line, probing south.

Don’t get too far.

Why?

Beau asked me to ask you to stop by.

My teeth locked together.

Alice wants you, too. She says she’s tired of hanging out in the attic like the vampire bat in the belfry. Seth snorted a laugh. I was switching off with Edward before. Trying to keep Beau’s temperature stable. Cold to hot, as needed. I guess, if you don’t want to do it, I could go back—

No. I got it, I snapped.

Okay. Seth didn’t make any more comments. He concentrated very hard on the empty forest.

I kept my southern course, searching for anything new. I turned around when I got close to the first signs of habitation. Not near the town yet, but I didn’t want to get any wolf rumors going again. We’d been nice and invisible for a long while now.

I passed right through the perimeter on my way back, heading for the house. As much as I knew it was a stupid thing to do, I couldn’t stop myself. I must be some kind of masochist.

There’s nothing wrong with you, Jake. This isn’t the most normal situation.

Shut up, please, Seth.

Shutting.

I didn’t hesitate at the door this time; I just walked through like I owned the place. I figured that would piss Royal off, but it was a wasted effort. Neither Royal or Beau were anywhere in sight. I looked around wildly, hoping I’d missed them somewhere, my heart squeezing against my ribs in a weird, uncomfortable way.

“He’s all right,” Edward whispered. “Or, the same, I should say.”

Edward was on the couch with his face in his hands; he hadn’t looked up to speak. Esme was next to him, her arm wrapped tight around his shoulders.

“Hello, Jacob,” she said. “I’m so glad you came back.”

“Me, too,” Alice said with a deep sigh. She came prancing down the stairs, making a face. Like I was late for an appointment.

“Uh, hey,” I said. It felt weird to try to be polite. “Where’s Beau?”

“Bathroom,” Alice told me. “Mostly fluid diet, you know.”

“Ah.”

I stood there awkwardly, rocking back and forth on my heels.

“Oh, wonderful,” Royal grumbled. I whipped my head around and saw him coming from a hall half-hidden behind the stairway. He had Beau cradled gently in his arms, a harsh sneer on his face for me. “I knew I smelled something nasty.”

And, just like before, Beau’s face had that same sad smile. It was full of something I couldn’t place, something that made me ache and scared me all at once.

It was so unfair.

“Jacob,” he said. “You came.”

“Hi, babe.”

Esme and Edward both got up. I watched how carefully Royal laid Beau out on the couch. I watched how, despite that, Beau turned white and held his breath—like he was set on not making any noise no matter how much it hurt.

Edward brushed his hand across Beau’s forehead and then along his neck. He tried to make it look as if he was just sweeping his hair back, but it looked like a doctor’s examination to me.

“Are you cold?” he murmured.

“I’m fine.”

“Beau, you know what Carlisle told you,” Royal said. “Don’t downplay anything. It doesn’t help us take care of you.”

“Okay, I’m a little cold. Edward, can you hand me that blanket?”

I rolled my eyes. “Isn’t that sort of the point of me being here?”

“You just walked in,” Beau said. “After running all day, I’d bet. Put your feet up for a minute. I’ll probably warm up again in no time.”

I ignored him, going to sit on the floor next the sofa while he was still telling me what to do. At that point, though, I wasn’t sure how.... he looked pretty brittle, and I was afraid to move him, even to put my arms around him. So I just leaned carefully against his side, letting my arm rest along the length of his, and held his hand. Then I put my other hand against his face. It was hard to tell if he felt colder than usual.

“Thanks, Jake,” he said, and I felt him shiver once.

“Yeah,” I said.

Edward sat on the arm of the sofa by Beau’s feet, his eyes always on his face.

It was too much to hope, with all the super-hearing in the room, that no one would notice my stomach rumbling.

“Royal, why don’t you get Jacob something from the kitchen?” Alice said. She was invisible now, sitting quietly behind the back of the sofa.

Royal stared at the place Alice’s voice had come from in disbelief.

“Thanks, anyway, Alice, but I don’t think I’d want to eat something Blondie’s spit in. I’d bet my system wouldn’t take too kindly to venom.”

“Royal would never embarrass Esme by displaying such a lack of hospitality.”

“Of coursenot,” Blondie said in an overly kind voice that I immediately distrusted.

He got up and breezed out of the room.

Edward sighed.

“You’d tell me if he poisoned it, right?” I asked.

“Yes,” Edward promised.

And for some reason I believed him.

There was a lot of banging in the kitchen, and—weirdly—the sound of metal protesting as it was abused. Edward sighed again, but smiled just a little, too. Then Royal was back before I could think much more about it. With a pleased smirk, he set a silver bowl on the floor next to me.

“Enjoy, mongrel.”

It had once probably been a big mixing bowl, but he’d bent the bowl back in on itself until it was shaped almost exactly like a dog dish. I had to be impressed with his quick craftsmanship. And his attention to detail. He’d scratched the word Fidointo the side. Excellent handwriting.

Because the food looked pretty good—steak, no less, and a big baked potato with all the fixings—I told him, “Thanks, Blondie.”

He snorted.

“Hey, do you know what you call a blonde with a brain?” I asked, and then continued on the same breath, “a golden retriever.”

“I’ve heard that one, too,” he said, no longer smiling.

“I’ll keep trying,” I promised, and then I dug in.

He made a disgusted face and rolled his eyes. Then he sat in one of the armchairs and started flicking through channels on the big TV so fast that there was no way he could really be surfing for something to watch.

The food was good, even with the vampire stink in the air. I was getting really used to that. Huh. Not something I’d been wanting to do, exactly...

When I was finished—though I was considering licking the bowl, just to give Royal something to complain about—I felt Beau’s cold fingers pulling softly through my hair. He patted it down against the back of my neck.

“Time for a haircut, huh?”

“You’re getting a little shaggy,” he said.

“Yeah, look who’s talking.” I snorted, reaching back and gently ruffling the long mop of curls on Beau’s head.

He laughed and gently pushed my hand away, “Maybe—”

“Let me guess, someone around here used to cut hair in a salon in Paris?”

He chuckled. “Probably.”

“No thanks,” I said before he could really offer. “I’m good for a few more weeks.”

Which made me wonder how long he was good for. I tried not to think too much about it. But Beau continued, distracting me.

“Actually, I’m feeling much better. I could probably trim up the edges for you if you’d like.” He offered.

“I guess I wouldn’t mind that so much.” I shrugged.

He continued running his hands through my hair.

“How’s the heart?” I finally asked after a few quiet minutes.

“Hard to say,” he replied softly. “Carlisle says I’m doing better. But obviously we don’t want to rush into anything. That would be risky.” He paused. “We want to wait a few more days before we make any big decisions, I guess. At least three or four days.”

I couldn’t make complete sense of it in my head. Beau’s life was speeding by in fast-forward. Now a number on the days he had left. Four. Four measly days. It took me a minute to figure out how to swallow.

“You okay?” he asked.

I nodded, not really sure how my voice would come out.

Edward’s face was turned away from us as he listened to my thoughts, but I could see his reflection in the glass wall. He was the burning man again.

Funny how having a deadline made it harder to think about leaving, or having Beau leave. I was glad Seth’d brought that up, so I knew they were staying here. It would be intolerable, wondering if they were about to go, to take away one or two or three of those four days. My four days.

Also funny how, even knowing that it was almost over, the hold Beau had on me only got harder to break. It was like every hour of his life that faded away pulled me in deeper.

For a minute I tried to look at him from a distance, to separate myself from the pull. I knew it wasn’t my imagination that my need for him was stronger than ever. Why was that? Because he was dying? Or knowing that even if he didn’t, still—best case scenario—he’d be changing into something else that I wouldn’t know or understand?

He ran his finger across my cheekbone, and my skin was wet where he touched it.

“It’s going to be okay,” He soothed, sadness in his voice.

���Right,” I muttered.

He curled against my arm, resting his head on my shoulder. “I didn’t think you would come. Seth said you would, and so did Edward, but I didn’t believe them.”

“Why not?” I asked gruffly.

“You’re not happy here. But you came anyway.”

“You wanted me here.”

“I know. But you didn’t have to come, because it’s not fair for me to want you here. I would have understood.”

It was quiet for a minute. Edward’d put his face back together. He looked at the TV as Royal went on flipping through the channels. He was into the six hundreds. I wondered how long it would take to get back to the beginning.

“Thank you for coming,” Beau whispered.

“Can I ask you something?” I asked.

“Of course.”

Edward didn’t look like he was paying attention to us at all, but he knew what I was about to ask, so he didn’t fool me.

“Why doyou want me here? Seth could keep you warm, and he’s probably easier to be around, happy little punk. But when I walk in the door, you smile at me and you act like I’m your favorite person in the world.”

“You’re one of them.”

“That sucks, you know.”

“Yeah.” He sighed. “Sorry.”

“Why, though? You didn’t answer that.”

Edward was looking away again, like he was staring out the windows. His face was blank in the reflection.

“You’re my best friend, Jacob.” He said simply. “I’ve never been able to get things right between us. I thought I might never get the chance. Things still might not end up right, but at least I have a chance to fix it.”

“What are you trying to fix, Beau?”

“I just want you to be happy, Jake.”

I could have been. If everything had actually gone my way. I could have been incredibly happy with Beau. But that was a far gone possibility now.

“I didn’t want to change without making sure everything was right.” He said quietly.

“What do you mean?”

“I wanted to make sure I had everything set up first,” he explained. “A reason why I wouldn’t be able to see everybody so I didn’t have to just disappear. And I wanted to fix everything between us, before I had to say goodbye.”

I didn’t know what to say to him. Things were starting to make more sense to me now. Beau wasn’t being stupid. He didn’t have a death wish. He had wanted to stay human long enough to make him changing easier on everyone else.

I glanced back over to Edward, his expression had hollowed out a bit again. There was something like guilt in the back of his burning eyes.

I looked back down at Beau’s face then, so close to mine. His eyes were shut and he was frowning. “We got off track, Jake. Out of balance. You’re supposed to be part of my life —I can feel that, and so can you.” He paused for a second without opening his eyes— like he was waiting for me to deny it. When I didn’t say anything, he went on. “But not like this. We did something wrong. No. I did. I did something wrong, and we got off track...” I could hear him sniffle a little. “I didn’t realize before, how selfish I could be. This put everything into perspective.”

His voice trailed off, and the frown on his face relaxed until it was just a little pucker at the corner of his lips. I waited for him to pour some more lemon juice into my paper cuts, but then a soft snore came from the back of his throat.

“He’s exhausted,” Edward murmured. “It’s been a long day. A hard day. I think he would have gone to sleep earlier, but he was waiting for you.”

I didn’t look at him.

“Seth said he fell again. Broke another rib.”

“Yes. He’s been having a harder time breathing.”

“Great.”

“Let me know when he gets hot again.”

“Yeah.”

Beau still had goose bumps on the arm that wasn’t touching mine. I’d barely raised my head to look for a blanket when Edward snagged one draped over the arm of the sofa and flung it out so that it settled over Beau’s body.

Occasionally, the mind-reading thing saved time. For example, maybe I wouldn’t have to make a big production out of the accusation about what was going on with Charlie. That mess. Edward would just hear exactly how furious—

“Yes,” he agreed. “It’s not a good idea.”

“Then why?” Why was Beau telling his father he was on the mend when it would only make him more miserable?

“He can’t bear Charlie’s anxiety.”

“So it’s better—”

“No. It’snot better. But I’m not going to force him to do anything that makes him unhappy now. Whatever happens, this makes him feel better. I’ll deal with the rest afterward.”

That didn’t sound right. Beau wouldn’t just shuffle Charlie’s pain off to some later date, for someone else to face. Even dying. That wasn’t him. If I knew Beau, he had to have some other plan.

“He’s very sure he’s going to live,” Edward said.

“But not human,” I protested.

“Perhaps, not human. But he hopes to see Charlie again, no matter what.”

Oh, this just got better and better.

“See. Charlie.” I finally looked at him, my eyes bugging. “Afterwards. See Charlie when he’s all sparkly white with the bright red eyes. I’m not a bloodsucker, so maybe I’m missing something, but Charlie seems like kind of a strange choice for Beau’s first meal.”

Edward sighed. “He knows he won’t be able to be near Charlie for at least a year. Beau thinks he can stall. Tell Charlie he has to go to a special hospital on the other side of the world. Keep in contact through phone calls….”

“That’s insane.”

“Yes.”

“Charlie’s not stupid. Even if Beau doesn’t kill him, Charlie’s going to notice a difference.”

“He’s expecting that.”

I continued to stare, waiting for him to explain.

“He wouldn’t be aging, of course, so that would set a time limit, even if Charlie accepted whatever excuse he comes up with for the changes.” He smiled faintly. “Do you remember when you tried to tell Beau about your transformation? How you made him guess?”

My free hand flexed into a fist. “He told you about that?”

“Yes. He was explaining his... idea. He’s been coming up with plans for changing. You see, He’s not allowed to tell Charlie the truth —it would be very dangerous for him. But Charlie’s a smart, practical man. Beau thinks he’ll come up with his own explanation. He assumes he’ll get it wrong.” Edward snorted. “After all, we hardly adhere to vampire canon. Charlie will make some wrong assumption about us, like Beau did in the beginning, and we’ll go along with it. He thinks he’ll be able to see him... from time to time.”

“Insane,” I repeated.

“Yes,” he agreed again.

It was weak of him to let Beau get his way on this, just to keep him happy now. It wouldn’t turn out well.

Which made me think that he probably wasn’t expecting him to live to try out his crazy plan. Placating Beau, so that he could be happy for a little while longer.

Like four more days.

“I’ll deal with whatever comes,” he whispered, and he turned his face down and away so that I couldn’t even read his reflection. “I won’t cause Beau pain now.”

“Four days?” I asked.

He didn’t look up. “Approximately.”

“Then what?”

“Then we see if he’s strong enough to keep fighting, or just strong enough to change him.”

“You don’t seem to think he has much chance of staying human.”

“I don’t.” He said, his voice was pained. “But we’ve been trying to research.”

“Research?” I asked.

“That’s why you haven’t seen Jasper or Emmett around. That’s what Carlisle is doing now. Trying to find clues as to what this disease is, in the hopes that we can find another case of it to better understand it. We haven’t had much luck.”

Of course not. None of us had luck anymore. Just pain.

“We had some small hope,” Edward began. “There was a woman we encountered in South America—where he contracted the disease. She had seen it before.”

“And?”

Agony ripped across his face, and, as I flinched away from his pain, I knew he wasn’t going to give me an answer. I doubted he could talk.

It was Royal—who’d been so still and quiet since Beau’d fallen asleep that I’d nearly forgotten him—who answered.

He made a scornful noise in the back of his throat. “Of course there were no survivors,” he said. No survivors, so blunt and uncaring. “Without the proper medical supplies or training to keep them alive, how could they survive? Beau has a better chance than any of them ever did. He has us on his side, fighting for his humanity. We’re doing all we can to keep him human. Of course, we have plans in place if he takes a turn—and if he choosesthat route. But all this worrying isn’t good for him. He wants to let things take their course and we should respect his wishes.” He sniffed.

Blondie was so concerned about keeping Beau human he didn’t seem to really care about the deeper repercussions of Beau dying.

Edward’s face went white as snow. His hands curved into claws. Totally egotistical and indifferent, Royal twisted in his chair so that his back was to him. Edward leaned forward, shifting into a crouch.

Allow me, I suggested.

Edward paused, raising one eyebrow.

Silently, I lifted my doggy bowl off the floor. Then, with a quick, powerful flip of my wrist, I threw it into the back of Blondie’s head so hard that—with an earsplitting bang —it smashed flat before it ricocheted across the room and snapped the round top piece off the thick newel post at the foot of the stairs.

Beau twitched but didn’t wake up.

“Dumb blonde,” I muttered.

Royal turned his head slowly, and his eyes were blazing.

“You. Got. Food. In. My. Hair.”

That did it.

I busted up. I pulled away from Beau so that I wouldn’t shake him, and laughed so hard that tears ran down my face. From behind the couch, I heard Alice’s tinkling laugh join in.

I wondered why Royal didn’t spring. I sort of expected it. But then I realized that my laughing had woken Beau up, though he’d slept right through the real noise.

“What’s so funny?” he mumbled.

“I got food in his hair,” I told him, chortling again.

“I’m not going to forget this, dog,” Royal hissed.

“S’not so hard to erase a blond’s memory,” I countered. “Just blow in his ear.”

“Get some new jokes,” he snapped.

“Alright, you two, calm do—” Beau broke off mid-sentence and sucked in a sharp breath. In the same second, Edward was leaning over the top of me, ripping the blanket out of the way. Beau seemed to convulse, his back arching off the sofa.

“Ah!” He gasped.

His lips were white, and he had his teeth locked together like he was trying to hold back a scream.

Edward put both hands on either side of Beau’s face.

“Carlisle?”

“Right here,” the doctor said. I hadn’t heard him come in.

“It’s fine,” Beau said, still breathing hard and shallow. “Think it’s over. My chest. I don’t know. It hurt.”

Edward and Carlisle exchanged wary glances. It was Beau’s heart.

“I’ll be… fine…” Beau’s voice began to trail off. He relaxed back into the couch. Before long he was lightly snoring again.

“His cardiovascular system isn’t improving.” Carlisle said after a long second. “It’s getting weaker.”

“Carlisle…” Edward’s face was dark, the burning man reappearing.

“Yes, most likely a mild heart attack.” The doc’s voice was serious.

“The blood isn’t helping.” I wasn’t asking, I was stating a fact. I had hoped that maybe my blood could fix Beau, maybe it would save him. After all, it had helped before, hadn’t it? Why wasn’t it helping now?

I noticed Edward watching me out of the corner of his eye. Probably wondering the same thing I was.

“It does help, Jacob.” Carlisle assured me. “The transfusions give Beau some extra strength.” He paused, “The problem is that, while your blood types are compatible, on a chromosomal level you and Beau are different.”

“Chromosomes again.” I muttered.

“Yes,” Carlisle sighed. “I had hoped that perhaps your innate healing abilities might transfer to Beau via the transfusions of your blood.” He shook his head, “I had no logical scientific basis to support that hope…”

“Just hope.” I muttered. My eyes trailed over Beau’s frail body. He looked like he was plenty warm now, in fact, a sheen of sweat was forming on his forehead. “He looks warm enough. I’m gonna step outside. Get some air.”

I pushed myself up from the ground and crossed the room to the nearby backdoor before anyone had a chance to say anything else that would make me feel even more depressed than I already did.

The clean air was a welcome relief to my lungs. Even though I was spending a lot of time in the Cullen’s place, I still wasn’t quite used to their scent. Still burned my nose.

I was staring up at the cloudy sky, unable to think properly when I caught the scent of one of the leaches approaching. Can’t I have five damn minutes to myself?

“Sorry to bother you,” Alice’s bird-like voice chirped.

“S’fine,” I lied.

She slowly walked just past me and stood with her hands clasped behind her back, looking up at the sky like me.

“I wish I knew what to say here,” she sighed. “Usually I’m pretty good at knowing what to say to make someone feel better,” she laughed, humorlessly, “I guess I didn’t realize how much my visions helped me accomplish that.”

“Don’t worry ‘bout it.” I muttered. “Guess I wouldn’t mind those visions right now. Some answers would be nice.”

“Tell me about it,” she sighed. “It’s all completely dark now. You and your pack are too wrapped up in this. I don’t have a hope of seeing anything anymore.”

“Hope,” I snorted, “What’s that?”

Alice sighed, she turned to face me. Her black eyes looked as dull and lifeless as I felt. “Hope is all Beau has now. He keeps hoping that it will all work out.”

“He’s making me crazy with the way he keeps going on like that.”

Alice watched me for a second, her eyes curious.

“What?” I finally snapped.

“You really love Beau, don’t you?”

“Why would you ask that?” I glowered.

“I can’t see your future and I can’t read your mind like Edward can,” She sighed, “But I can see how much you hurt. I don’t need any powers to see that. And I’m sorry.”

“At least someone cares about how I feel in all this, I guess.” I snorted.

“Beau cares,” she insisted. “He cares a lot.”

“Sure, sure.”

“You’ll be happy again one day, Jacob Black.” She said, sounding pretty damn sure of herself.

I knew Alice was supposed to be kind of out there from what I had seen myself and what Beau had told me about her, but I never expected her to be flat out crazy.

“Sorry, but I don’t know if I trust the predictions of a fortune teller who can’t see the future.”

She half-smiled at me and turned to go back inside.

“Maybe I just have some of Beau’s hope. Maybe I’m just hoping that all of us will have a happy ending.”

I watched her walk back inside. When I was alone again I slumped against the side of the house. Happy ending? Yeah right. None of us were going to have a happy ending now. Well, at least not all of us. There was only one way all this could end. A happy ending only happens for some of the people in the story. Someone has to lose out.

I knew that someone would be me, no matter what.

[liamzigmichael4ever]

A piece of freedom (liams pov)

Notes:

Ahhh this could have been done a lot sooner. I just read the first chapter of book three and was motivated to write this again. Since I have to reread the story, I didn't touch chapter two until I was ready to start writing it, which was tonight. But then when I was reading the chapter and screenshoting everything they were saying, I realized that Liam didn't even talk this chapter so I had no actual quotes for him to say. I could have written this a while ago because it's all Liam's thought and a conversation with Drake. Plus... I may have added so smut ;) lol sorry about the long wait. Have fun

Also i hope my new friend likes it @jacoblmckenzie please enjoy

Chapter Text

Liam had to say he was rather disappointed after he left Riley tonight. He can’t place why he liked her so much— no, he actually can. It was the way she treated him like a normal person, like he wasn’t the crowned prince of a foreign country. Riley allowed him to vent and say selfish things he never told anyone before. He was a prince… he could not complain about his needs as a human. Even princes need to be selfish, and she just allowed him to be. She listened to him, she noticed things that nobody ever noticed before. Like with the Statue of Liberty… he was upset about not being able to see a monument he would like to convey to his people, and his friends didn’t notice. They didn’t notice how he was sad and not really in the mood to celebrate. They just looked past something that she was able to see with just one glance.

Liam doesn’t know how she does it, but she just has this way with people. She can do things he never thought was possible, like taking him to see what he wanted to so badly. She whisked him away, managed to get a boat to see her and he did. He got to see the Statue of Liberty and all her patriotic glory. He felt something seeing her there with Riley. The Statue of Liberty is about being free… everything that America represents. The dream to achieve their goal and do anything your heart desires. And being there with Riley while looking at such a empowering monument, he couldn’t help but think that something was going to happen. He just felt like they could make it. He had the desire to just kidnap her and take her to Cordonia. He knew he couldn’t though and then that’s when his princely side came back out again. He couldn’t be with her… he had to be the king he was born to be… or the king he was now going to be since his brother abdicated the throne. He found himself wishing that he could do the same. But that was a silly thought considering he just met Riley that day. But she was everything he inspired to be. She was practically the Statue of Liberty. Riley was a free spirit, doing whatever she wanted. She even told him she wanted to travel and see the world and he didn’t want to hold her back. The throne had so many repercussions and rules. She was too free… he didn’t want to chain her wings and hold her back from everything she aspires to be. He couldn’t take her away from such a free country and dream to see the world. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he took something like that from her. No matter how much he may want to take her back to Cordonia, he couldn’t. He wouldn’t chain her wings and free spirt like the bald eagle her country symbolizes. He couldn’t do that to her and he won’t.

But that doesn’t mean Liam couldn’t be upset about it. He found his dream girl, the girl he never thought he would meet, and now that he’s met her, he almost wishes he never did. But that selfish part of him was holding onto tonight and replaying her beautiful smile like a movie in slow motion. The way her hair was licked by the wind and batted around in the breeze was mesmerizing. He couldn’t look away and he kept his eyes closed just to watch how breathtaking she was.

Yes, Liam was only selfish when it came to her, so he wouldn’t forget her. He wouldn’t wish they never met because he held onto the pure happiness he felt for the first time since he was a child. He could still feel it in his heart. The intense beating and excitement from doing something so thrilling. And they kissed. He would remember what her lips felt like forever… Soft, so smooth, but plump. It was short, but only because he didn’t know if he could hold back with her in his arms. He didn’t want to pull away, but he did. And he told her what he felt. He told her he would never forget her because he wouldn’t. He truly wouldn’t. He would remember how she felt pressed against him and the and the way her arms felt around him. He would remember her lips.. the shape of them and how good they felt against his own. And he would remember her eyes, and the way they sparkled in the moon light, so curious of the world and wanting to experience everything she could. She made his heart do a flip even as he just recalls it. And he would probably find himself doing so forever. Even if she was only in his dreams, Liam would be able to get through this engagement. Because she was his Statue of Liberty. She was what made him feel free and gave him hope.

Sighing, Liam closed his hotel room behind him with poise, and began to strip his clothes to change into sleepwear. He was a little surprised when he heard someone clear their throats and he looked up to see Drake sitting at an elegant desk in the corner of the room with a glass of whisky in his hand. Liam felt a smile tug at his lips. Drake and his whisky. It was like he could do anything if he had a glass in his hand. Or maybe he should say he was no longer motivated to do anything once he had whisky. Liam would honestly feel a strange bit of jealously for his love of the beverage if in fact Drake wasn’t drinking said beverage.

“Where’d you and the waitress disappear to?”

“Her name is Riley.”

Liam’s hands dropped to his side, then he wondered across the hotel room and towards Drake who poured him a shot of whisky in a short glass over one round ice cube. Liam accepted the alcohol beverage and sat down on the bench at the foot of the king sized bed. Drake raised a brow, telling him to continue, so with a deep sigh, he pulled the drink up to a take a sip, and let the smooth, warm beverage slide down his throat and warm his soul. He can see why Drake likes whisky. It has a nice flavor, and it has an addicting warmth to it. But rather than the alcohol, he would just hold Riley and feel the same effects.

When Liam still kept silent, Drake eyed him a bit suspiciously but then suddenly got a bit angry. “Did she change? Was she chasing the crown and now you’re upset? I knew inviting a waitress was of all people wasn’t—”

“Drake.” Liam smiled at him because he knew he cared. He’s just had other girls and people in general chase after his crown and throne, but that obviously wasn’t Riley. He didn’t doubt that at all. “It was actually one of the best nights of my life. I’m just sad I’ll never see her again.” Liam took a moment to swirl the amber drink in his hand, before he brought it up to take a decent sized sip. Just drown in his sadness, he guesses.

Drakes brows furrowed in concern and he set his glass on the desk. “Was she really that great?”

Yeah, Liam supposed to some people Riley is the exact opposite of what they want for him. She was a free spirit… a bald eagle. She says what she thinks and does cute things he finds absolutely adorable. She was the wind. He didn’t think he could catch her… and that’s not the type of person a prince she be with. No, a king. He would be king. But it was what Liam was looking for. She gave him that bit of motivation to keep going. She kept him going. But he was still a crown prince so he couldn’t do what he so desperately wanted.

“She was…” he found himself trailing of, his glass held in his lap and a faraway look in his eyes. “You remember when we were kids? Running away from the palace guards to go play?” Liam paused to make sure Drake was on the same page, then looked back down at his whisky when he nodded for him to continue. “The feeling of fleeing and doing something bad… feeling the breeze ruffle my hair in excitement to when I had no responsibilities. I was just a silly child… I never thought I was going to be king. My best friend wasn’t afraid of anything, and we did all sorts of crazy things.” They both paused to take a sip of whisky, remembering much simpler times. “She makes me feel like that. Like I’m free of being a prince. But it’s like a breath of fresh air because I haven’t played since we were children. She lives in the moment, and it made me feel so… free.”

“She sounds too good to be true.”

“She’s not.” She was just as amazing as he described her, and saying it allowed only made him want to go find her and take him with her… “But I know I have responsibilities. I’m not a child anymore. Though it was fun to be silly again and live with such… freedom.” Because she was the Statue of Liberty. At least to him.

Liam finished his glass of whisky, then stood up to set it on the desk. “I need to pack and take a shower, but you’re welcome to stay and chat.”

“Nah, I’ll head back to my room. I need get ready too.” He raised his glass and drank the rest of his precious whisky then set it back down again. “I’ll see you tomorrow at the mascaraed.” He then stood up and as well and patted Liam on the shoulder blade. “Hang in there. I’ll always be here if you need a break.”

“Thanks,” Liam smiled. “You’re a good friend, Drake.”

Drake just brushed it off like he always does, then left with their two glasses and the whisky he brought over. Once the door was shut, Liam took a moment to lay back on his bed and stare up at the ceiling. His hand instinctively reached up to touch his lips, where he could still practically feel hers on his. He found himself smiling, but his eyes soon got far away again when he realized he wouldn’t ever see her again.

Trying not to think about it, Liam stood up again, and wondered over to the bathroom and turned the steaming water in the shower on. He stripped his clothes, then felt the temperature to make sure it wasn’t too hot. Once good, he slipped in and wet his hair. For some reason, the image of Riley in her tight jeans and leather jacket popped in his head, and his hand instinctively circled around himself. He pumped his length, quickly growing hard with flashes of tonight playing back on his head. He saw her hair dancing in the wind, her bright eyes shining in the moonlight. He heard the crisp jingling bells of her laugh, and panted at the way it made his heart skip. He remembered how gorgeous and breathtaking she was… and the way she made him feel. And he remembered her smile, causing this light to shed on his heart.

Liam leaned one arm against the tiled wall so his hair was in the direct stream of steaming water cascading into his hair, then following the hard lines of his back and chest. Water moved down his shoulder and flowed to his hand, still stroking away to the images of her breathtaking beauty.

“Riley…”

The call of her name did strange things to his insides. He felt his body tense as that wonderful feeling overtook him and pulled the last bit of pleasure out of him. White lines of silk dropped onto the floor, then washed away with the water down the drain. He gave himself a few extra pumps, then released himself with a heavy sigh. He was numb as he went about cleaning himself off along with the rest of his body. He turned the water off with his head lowered then dried off with the fluffy towel on the rack. He quickly changed into his pajamas, then plopped down into bed without even touching the things he had to pack. Liam needed to dream. He needed to dream of her. So he sighed contently and feel asleep, images of the Riley clouding his mind. He felt himself smile as he drifted off, a content feeling making his heart tingle.

[h-styles-babes]

Nr 51 from the writing prompts pleaseee😍

Thank you so much for your request, babes! Sorry this one took me a bit longer. Between the other requests I had and keeping up with No Control, this took bit of a backseat, but I finally got time to write it. Hope you like it!

Also, this got a wee bit out of hand, so it kinda ends on a cliffy. If you want a second part, just let me know!

51. “I see the way you look at me when you think I’m not looking.”

Y/N was fucked.

Well, not literally, which was part of her problem, she thought. At least if she was literally fucked, she would be getting something other than feelings of immense frustration and a little bit of self-loathing from this situation. 

But, no. Y/N was fucked in the metaphorical sense where she knew no good could come of the feelings she could sense growing in her tummy, like a snowball that has somehow rolled itself into an avalanche without anyone noticing. One day she’d been happy to have a laugh with the boy she had no business even being friends with, and now she got butterflies in her stomach and a little flutter in her chest whenever he’d so much as smile because of her. She wasn’t sure when or how it’d happened, but it had, and now she was fucked.

That was all she could think of as she sat across from said boy at a pub, his hair hidden under a beanie, his nose adorably scrunched up as he laughed at some comment she’d made about his recent televised portrayal of Mick Jagger on an American TV show. He was freshly back from his debut performance as a solo artist, having taken to New York for the momentous occasion. They’d seen each other just the week before, before he’d left for America for a few days, but she had felt like she’d missed him dearly in their time apart. Seeing and hearing him giggle at her comment made her insides warm, and she couldn’t help the smile that settled onto her own face, happy with making him happy.

It’s not like they spent all their time together. He was a busy person, always off making music or filming already critically-acclaimed blockbusters or arranging some sort of promo for the new time in his career. But they’d seen a decent amount of each other and they’d become relatively close over the years, going to each other when they were looking for a fun time and a guaranteed laugh. Y/N knew she didn’t really have a reason to miss him so, other than the fact that she had developed feelings for the man. It was an unsettling sort of feeling, missing him so deeply even though she’d seen him more than normal in recent months. She’d gone months without even so much as a call between them before with little thought, but now not texting him everyday seemed like a travesty.

“Yeh’ve seen me do the impression before!” he protested through his chuckles. He took a sip from his glass, still sort of grinning at her, his green eyes never leaving her’s.

“Yeah! But never with you all dressed up and on national fucking telly,” she giggled, gently kicking at his shin underneath the table. She vaguely understood that she was actually flirting with him now, something she was sure she’d never done before, but she couldn’t help it. “And it made me miss your long hair.” She pouted at him playfully, though her statement was true. She’d met Harry when he was already in the process of growing it out, so she’d never seen it short in person before. Seeing him for the first time after the fancy photoshoot where he’d cut it had been a bit of a shock for Y/N, she’d admit. 

“Kinda miss it myself, honestly,” he nodded, running his hand over his head to rid himself of the beanie and tug his fingers through his hair. It was a bit longer now than it had been in recent months, since he’d had to keep it pretty uniform for while he was filming, but he was pretty sure Lou was going to talk him into a cut soon. “Don’t know when I’ll get a chance to grow it out again, though. Don’t wanna be in a weird phase when I have to do the premiere and stuff.”

Y/N huffed, a little put out. “Know my opinion doesn’t matter much, but I really liked the long hair. Bring it back, dammit!” she joked.

“Course your opinion matters, petal,” he admonished. “I could see the utter horror in your eyes when I saw yeh for the first time after I’d got it cut.” He chuckled at the memory, sipping at his pint. 

“It wasn’t horror!” she protested. “I was just shocked. Never knew yeh with short hair. Baby Harry had short hair. Man Harry always had long hair.”

“Do yeh refer to me as Baby Harry and Man Harry regularly in your head?” he asked, eyebrows scrunching together.

“Not unless I see photos of yeh from your early days. You look like a right child back then.”

“I was a child back then,” he reminded her. “Been doin’ this since I was sixteen.”

She cooed. “Aw, such a wee little lad.”

“Oh, shut it,” he chuckled, throwing some peanut shells at her that had accumulated on the table.

It had been a few days since Harry and Y/N had gone for a drink at their local pub, and she hadn’t really been expecting to hear from him for awhile, what with the promo for his new album and it’s ever-nearing release date. She figured he’d be much too busy with traveling and getting things in order to text her much less stop by her flat in North London, just a few block from his own home. But that’s exactly what he did one evening after Y/N had gotten in from work, already changed into her pyjamas and hair already thrown up in a half-assed bun. She was just about to start wiping her makeup off when there was a buzz, indicating that someone was requesting to come in. 

Y/N wasn’t expecting anyone, so she thought maybe it was one of her neighbors who forgot their keys needing to be let in. It had happened before, seeing as the older woman who lived next to her was very forgetful and often left her keys sitting on her kitchen counter when she left for her bingo nights that happened twice a week. Y/N wasn’t quite sure exactly which nights those were, but there was every possibility that one of them was that night. 

She answered the buzzer with a slight smirk on her face, waiting to hear Mrs. Knowles’ high pitched voice answer back to her when she said her greeting. 

“Lemme in, love,” came back Harry’s slow drawl, slightly shocking Y/N. “Bit nippy out here for mid-April.”

“I gave you a spare key to the front door so you wouldn’t have to wait, Harold,” she nagged, worried about someone out on the street recognizing him and bombarding him. She pressed the button to unlock the door.

“Lost it,” he answered casually, and Y/N could nearly see the shrug of his shoulders. 

She waited to continue their conversation until he was in the safety of her flat. As soon as he was in the door and shrugging off his coat, she picked up where they left off.  

“Lost it? I put it on your key ring for you! Now some creep is gonna get into my flat and it’ll be all your fault. If I die, I’m gonna make sure the police throw your ass in jail right alongside my murderer’s.”

“Can’t really do that if your dead, can yeh?” Harry mocked with a roll of his eyes. “And stop bein’ dramatic. I know the key’s in my house, just don’t know where.”

“That’s reassuring.”

“Will yeh just stop for a mo’? Came over here for a reason, yeah?”

“And what is that, H?”

“What are yeh doing on the twenty-sixth?” he asked, a shit-eating grin making it’s way across his face. 

Y/N turned to look at the refrigerator where a dry-erase calendar was posted. She put her work schedule up on it as well as any appointments or important dates so that she’d remember when they came around. She remembered important events and dates just fine, but she was usually so busy scrambling around like a chicken with it’s head cut off that she forgot when it was coming up. It usually wasn’t until a day later that she’d remember and kick herself in the arse for it. The calendar helped to keep the clutter of her brain organized. 

“Nothing,” she shrugged. “‘ve got three days off in a row starting that day.” She silently rejoiced at that, having forgot from when she wrote it down the week prior. “Nothing else, though. Thought of maybe popping by my parents’ to spend a day with them. Why?”

“I’m goin’ to Paris for a performance and interview on a television show there,” he told her, grin only growing wider. 

“Congratulations?” she responded, kind of confused at the giddiness. This wasn’t something he hadn’t done before. “Make sure I set a reminder to watch it.”

“No, no,” he quickly denied, grabbing her hand from where she went to take up a marker to write the event down in the little box on the calendar. “Want yeh to come with me. Never been to Paris before, right?”

“Yeh serious?” she gasped, spinning back to stare at him with wide eyes. “Absolutely. Gonna be there for two full days, but the show’s only on the first one. Figured we could explore Paris together a bit. Sorta mini holiday.”

“What am I to do while you do your telly thing? Sit in the hotel? Get lost in Paris by myself and get picked up by human traffickers?”

“Why are yeh always so dramatic?”

“You’re the one who made me watch all the Takens! They were in Paris in the first one. I trust yeh, Harry, but you’re not exactly Liam Neeson.”

“Bugger off,” he huffed. “You’re gonna come with me, yeh weirdo. Sit all pretty in the studio and laugh at me trying to answer the questions that’ll all be in French and cry like yeh always do when I perform. Sound alright?”

“I do not always c—”“

“Love,” he cut off, grabbing her gently by the shoulders. 

She huffed. “Fine. Alright. I’ll come with yeh. Send me the information. Now, either get your arse out of my flat or sit down and watch some Netflix with me.”

Harry grinned, triumphant in getting her to agree to come to Paris with him on such short notice. He had been worried that she’d have to work or she just really wouldn’t have wanted to come with him, because they weren’t really that close, but he was pleased that it had all gone off without a hitch. Harry liked Y/N’s company. She was funny and quick-witted and she kept him on his toes in the best way possible. 

It had been complete chance that they had met a few years ago—having literally bumped into each other in a local Tesco’s on the soup aisle—but Harry thought maybe it wasn’t really chance, but actually fate. Within ten minutes of knowing her, he had felt like they knew everything about each other, aside from Y/N obviously recognizing him. She’d never treated him as Harry Styles though. They’d bumped into each other, causing Y/N to drop the soup cans she’d been balancing in her arms and under her chin. She’d cursed rather loudly, making Harry’s eyebrows jump up on his forehead at hearing such a little thing curse so vividly and with such emotion. He’d been quick to apologize, dropping down to pick up her cans and stand them upright so they didn’t roll away.

“Should’ve gotten a bloody basket,” she’d grumbled to herself, obviously frustrated. “Popped in for fucking milk and a new box of tea. Didn’t fucking think they’d be having such a good deal on the bleeding soups.”

Harry had chuckled at her dialogue to herself, amused with her colorful language and her grumbling. She must have heard him, because she popped her head up and leveled him with a glare. “What’re yeh laughing for? You’re the one that’s made me drop ‘em all.”

“I’m sorry,” he apologized through a chuckle. “I’m not laughing at yeh, promise.” He’d quickly started piling her soup cans into his own empty basket, having just entered the store. “Take my basket. Yeh won’t have to carry all the soup in your hands, then. I’ll get a new one.”

Y/N had paused then, finally realizing who it was she was knelt beside. “You’re that Styles bloke. That one in the boyband.”

Harry tried to keep his cringe to himself, so he smiled tightly and nodded. “That would be me,” he confirmed, hoping this wouldn’t get unpleasant. He’d just wanted to get some food since his home had sat empty for so long. His fridge was nearly completely empty. He would never complain aloud, but he really didn’t want to run into any fans on his quick trip out.

“Neat,” she brushed off, moving to pile more cans into the basket. “Sorry for cursing at yeh. Been a long day.”

Harry was a little thrown off by her quick brush over how he was famous. It was rare that he was recognized and not bombarded for pictures or signatures or the like. He didn’t really like that a normal human interaction felt novel to him, but he did like that she had been so breezy about it all. Maybe she just wasn’t one to obsess over celebrities. Or maybe she didn’t like their music. 

After that, they’d got to talking about something so completely mundane, Harry couldn’t even remember what it was, but they spent a good fifteen minutes in the soup aisle of Tesco’s talking about nonsense and laughing together. When they had parted ways, it had been with no intention of ever seeing each other again, which both parties were surprisingly bummed about. It wasn’t two weeks later, however that Harry saw Y/N sitting in the window of a local coffee shoppe, stirring at a large mug with a spoon and reading a book he recognized by the cover. He remembers feeling a little flushed, knowing the dirty contents of the poems within, but smiling nonetheless, because it was a book he was fond of and somehow it fit that she was reading it. So, he’d popped in, spooking her at first and making her blush as she shut the book, placing it face down on the counter. He’d made a teasing comment about the author and the words in the book, and while she sat stunned at first, she quickly righted herself and made a joke about it being the only action she’d seen in months. 

She had rejoiced internally at the way it made Harry pause, hoping he’d felt even a fifth of the embarrassment she’d felt at his original greeting.

They left that day with each other’s numbers and a promise to get in touch. Ever since then, they’d see each other occasionally, usually in casual places where Harry could keep his head down. She’d even met his bandmates within a few months of knowing them. After they’d all hung out together at a pub, Harry had gotten a good ribbing from the lads about how fond he was of her. Harry had denied it, because it was a bit ridiculous that he’d be soft for someone he’d hardly seen, but he couldn’t deny to himself that he had a bit of a crush on her. He never addressed it though, and they’d kept their relationship platonic in the years that followed. 

Three years in, though, and that same warm feeling he’d get in his chest when he was around her had only intensified. Even when they’d hadn’t spoken much in a few months, he’d dream about her and his fingers would itch to text her or call her up when he was alone in his hotel room after a long day of shooting. He’d held himself back, though, not wanting his tired mind to do something he’d regret in the morning. 

He was playing off this new request for her to join him in Paris as him being a good friend and taking her to Paris since she’d expressed the want to go several times over the years but never getting a reason to go. Now he was giving her a reason since he was going to be there anyway. She’d get to see him perform his own solo music live for the first time, as well, and Harry was telling himself that was all it was. But he knew he had selfish reasons for asking her to tag along. He wanted more time with her because she made him feel good and he felt comfortable with her. He’d wanted to ask her to come to New York with him, too, since he had been so nervous for his first solo performance and he thought she’d make him feel better, but he had to be there for a whole week to rehearse and practice for his skits as well as his performance. She’d never have the time off.

But now he’d have time with her for two whole days in Paris, just the two of them, and he was beyond excited. He didn’t know what would come of this trip, and he wasn’t sure if he was excepting anything profound, but he was excited, anyhow.

“I feel highly underdressed,” Y/N expressed, looking down at her own wardrobe and comparing it to Harry’s. It was cold in France still, much like it was in England, and she’d put on a grey jumper, a navy green jacket, black jeans and black boots*. She’d ditched her scarf once they’d entered the building, but her casual outfit had nothing on the trouser and vest combo Harry was wearing with a plain black tee that fit him perfectly.

“Yeh look perfect,” Harry assured her, buttoning up the cute little vest he had on that matched his trousers. 

“I look like a slug compared to you.” 

Harry pursed his lips and furrowed his brows at her comparison. “Yeh do not look like a bloody slug, and yeh look beautiful. I’m only dressed like this because I’m gonna be on telly.”

Y/N huffed but peeked a little grin at his compliment. The part of her that fancied Harry always giggled like a school girl when he complimented her. The other part of her hurried to repress it and make sure she didn’t let out the embarrassing sound. “Your bum looks really good in those trousers,” she said to keep the attention away from herself. 

“Oi, what yeh lookin’ at me bum for?” he yelped, hands automatically moving to cover said area of his body.

Y/N laughed. “Couldn’t help it when yeh bent over to tie your shoes.” She walked by, taking Lou’s cue to join her in going out to the crowd with just minutes to spare before Harry was set to appear on stage. She patted a light smack to Harry’s bum and snickered when he yelped.

“Cheeky!” he yelled after her as the door started to swing shut behind them.

“Yeh know yeh love me, Styles!” she tittered back, laughing with Lou as they made their way down the hall leading to the main area of the studio. 

“Yeah, I do,” Harry sighed, though it fell on deaf ears.

Y/N was a mess of emotions as she watched Harry perform his own new single live for the first time. Sure she had seen him on the telly the week before, and she had been pretty emotional then, but this was completely different. She could feel his energy on that stage, much like she could when she caught a few of his shows when he was in One Direction. This was different, though. There weren’t a few other lads to take up the attention or to evenly disperse that intense energy. All of it was very obviously coming from Harry and she couldn’t quite contain how that made her feel. 

So, yes, she was crying by the time the drums got added to the song, and she had several tears streaming down her face by the time the bridge came around. Lou hugged her close, and she felt a bit silly for crying—even though Lou was pretty teary-eyed too—because she wasn’t sure it made her any different from any of the other young girls in the room that were crying, too. But Y/N realized she was crying because one of her best friends was up on that stage, bearing his soul to a crowd by playing his first solo single and absolutely killing it. She was intensely proud of him and all she wanted to do was hug him close and tell him what a good job he was doing. She felt sort of like a mum with how she wanted to coo at him, but she couldn’t really care then. Because she also wanted to kiss him until they were both breathless, and she figured that wasn’t very motherly at all.

Harry beamed as the song finished and quickly hopped off stage to join the host of the show at the desk in the center of the studio. He caught sight of Y/N in the front row, fingers quickly wiping underneath her eyes to rid herself of tears, and his smile brightened when he caught her eyes. She gave him a watery smile back and a thumbs up, her way of congratulating him when she wasn’t allowed any words. He blew a quick kiss to her before shaking the host’s hand and sitting to begin the interview portion. 

Since Y/N knew about ten words of French (six of them being the numbers one through six), the interview was a little lost on her, especially when the host would say something and the rest of the crowd would laugh. Her and Lou were pretty lost, and they relied heavily on Harry’s reactions and his answers to understand what was going on during the whole thing. 

There was one time, though, where Y/N caught the word ‘woman’ in the host’s question, and Harry took a bit longer than was necessary for the translation to flow into his in-ear to think up an answer. His eyes shifted to Y/N, who was sitting off to the left of him, keeping an eye on her as he formulated an answer she already knew was going to be bullshit.

When he started spewing about how the album was more a reflection of himself than a bunch of songs written about a woman, she knew he was lying through his teeth. Y/N hadn’t heard the album yet, because she liked the suspense of listening to it when everyone else in the world got to, so she wasn’t quite sure what all the songs sounded like or were about. But, for whatever reason, Harry was lying about his answer, and she was a little curious about the honest one. She’d have to ask him about it later, she figured. 

After his telly performance, he had a radio interview, but he promised Y/N they would get lunch afterward, just the two of them, so Y/N went back to the hotel by herself, since Harry needed the rest of his team around to finish out his interview. Luckily, the hotel was in walking distance and she remembered the way they’d came, because there was no way she’d have been able to read the street signs and navigate her way back. 

Back in the hotel, Y/N waited for Harry in his own room as opposed to the room she was sharing with Lou just across the hall. She contemplated turning on the telly to pass some time, but she realized she probably wouldn’t find any channels in English, so it was a waste. It wasn’t an issue anyway, since Harry showed up only twenty minutes later, smiling and already stripping out of his clothes. 

“There’s a cafe down the street I saw that looked good. Wanna head there for lunch?” he suggested, nearly tripping as he tried to shimmy his trousers down his legs.  

Y/N tried desperately to prevent herself from blushing as he took off his clothes. She’d seen Harry in close to nothing before since the man had a propensity for wearing as little clothes as possible whenever he wasn’t in public, but it was somehow different now, when it was just the two of them in his hotel room. Plus, his boxers were doing somehow less of a job at hiding his dick than his trousers usually did, and Y/N was slightly worried that it’d pop out of the little slip in his pants while he shimmied around to get the rest of his clothes off. 

Not to mention, Harry was still in incredibly good shape from his time on set and the workouts he still got in regularly, and the muscles of his upper body were making her a little hot and bothered. The shift of his back muscles as he pulled his black shirt over his head and the bulge of his biceps as he lifted his suitcase onto the bed were nearly enough to make her drool.

She cleared her throat before answering. “Yeah, sounds good. You’ll probably have to translate the menu for me, though.”

“I always forget you never took French in school.” 

“I thought Spanish would be cooler.”

He snorted as he pulled on his trusty black jeans. “Do you even remember any of it?”

“Sí.”

Harry burst out laughing, and she did her best to hide her grin because she wanted to be upset with him for laughing at her, but she couldn’t help it. He was still chuckling as he pulled on a t-shirt and the same hoodie that he wore when they flew in this morning. “Really fluent there, I see.”

“Impressive, I know,” she sighed, flipping her hair at him.

“Vamanos, senorita. Yo tengo hambre.”

Harry could feel Y/N’s stare as he ordered for both of them in French, just like he could always feel her stare when she thought he wasn’t paying attention. It was something she’d been doing for awhile now, and he’d caught her several times, even though he was pretty sure she never realized he had. She would have gotten all flustered and huffy if she’d ever known he realized she was staring at him with such a soft look on her face. It was an expression he wanted to photograph and keep forever in one of his journals or in his bloody wallet. It was a look that let him know that the feelings he harbored for her weren’t one-sided. 

Harry thanked their waiter and passed the menus off. Y/N stared at her tea, dropping her gaze quickly once Harry turned back to face her. The clinking of the metal spoon against the ceramic cup was rhythmic and it lulled helped Y/N to calm the butterflies that had kicked up in her stomach as she’d watched Harry interact with their waiter. She hated that even the most mundane things about Harry made her react so strongly. She felt out of control of her own body, and while she wanted the control back, she wasn’t necessarily upset that it as Harry who made her feel these things. There were worse people to get flustered over, she thought.

Harry cleared his throat over the lump that had formed there when he thought about voicing his next statement. He wasn’t quite sure this was the best place to have this conversation, but the urge to address it right then was something he couldn’t ignore. It was like the sentence was jumping to make it’s way out of his mouth and he was at it’s mercy at this point. Maybe he should have waited until they were in a more private place, but he’d started speaking before he even had a chance to second guess it. 

“I see the way yeh look at me when yeh think I’m not looking.”

Y/N’s stirring stopped immediately, letting her hand pause with the spoon mid-stir. She gulped loudly, afraid to face what Harry’s statement really meant. She hadn’t been that obvious, had she? She hadn’t thought so. She was pretty sure that she’d only let herself stare at him longingly when he wasn’t looking, but apparently Harry had eyes on the side of his head now. She could feel her body beginning to flush, the heat working it’s way up from her chest to her cheeks. Suddenly her cozy jumper felt suffocating and she worked quickly to remove her scarf that felt like it was strangling her. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she got out hoarsely, clearing her throat. There, that was fine. Denial was better than making a fool out of herself. 

Harry sighed. “Love…”

“Yeah?” she asked, finally chancing a glance up at him. The soft look on her face took her aback for a moment, and she blinked at the shock of seeing him look like how she was sure she looked when she stared at him. 

“I look at yeh the same way. You’re just too busy making sure I don’t see you to notice it.”

I am open to any requests! Just drop by my ask or my messages :) xx

[theantisocialcritic]

Archive Project - September 11, 2014 - Upcoming Fall 2014 Films

Yay! Its fall movie season! Blockbuster season is over and its time for Oscar Bait to rise! There is a lot of stuff coming out in the next 4 months, a lot of which I won't get around to reviewing. Lets take a look at what we're in for! September A Walk Among the Tombstones: Everybody loves Liam Neeson! The fall's first interesting movie stars him in something of a film noir murder mystery. The latter part of September tends to be when a lot of really underrated movies come out like Dredd, Looper, Prisoners and Rush. I have a good feeling about this one! Maze Runner: Hollywood will, for the fiftieth time this year, attempt to make the Hunger Games lighting strike again with another book adaption… This looks terrible… Tusk: If your a fan of the works of Kevin Smith your probably already dying for this one! Human Centipede with a Walrus! If your not familiar with the works of Kevin Smith… Go out and watch Clerks right now!! The Equalizer: Despite some early low reviews, film geeks are all clamming to see this movie! Hopes are high that Denzel Washington can create his own action series. Will it…? Probably not but hope so! October Annabelle: Fans of The Conjuring have been ranting about this too me for months now and i;ll take their word for it! I'm not a horror fan but this should be interesting! Gone Girl: The director of Fight Club, Seven, The Social Network and The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo brings us a Ben Affleck film! Theres a lot of hype around this! Should be a good movie! Alexander and the No Good, etc: This looks lame… Automata: Some critics in high places have been mentioning this a lot. I haven't seen much promotional material for it but its supposed to be a decent Sci-Fi movie! We'll see! The Judge: Robert Downey Jr. plays a Judge that must defend his estranged father in court. Sounds good to me! Crimson Peak: Guillermo Del Toro fans have been collectively flipping out about this new horror movie. Del Toro is one of the best directs of horror in Hollywood and has a strong grasp of subtlety and a morbid sense of creativity. Might be something brilliant here! Dracula Untold: This movie reminds me of I, Frankenstein… thats a baaaaaad sign…. Book of Life: Topping the list of my most anticipated movies right now is Book of Life! A Disney movie filtered through the cultural sensibilities of El Tigre with all the racism beaten out of it by Guillermo Del Toro! This movie is visually gorgeous and looks fiercely creative! I'm super excited! BoxTrolls: Have you seen Coraline and ParaNorman? YOU NEED TO SEE CORALINE AND PARANORMAN!! Also see this! A fun, creative stop motion movie by an incredibly talented team! ParaNorman flopped in theaters and BoxTrolls needs to succeed! KingsMan: The Secret Service: Matthew Vaughn's newest pick starts British SS agents in training that have to stop some sort of plot from happening! Vaughn brought us Kick-A** and X-Men: First Class! Both excellent action movies! KingsMan should be interesting! Rifftrax LIVE Anaconda: The last two live shows by Rifftrax have been amazing! The live roasts of Sharknado and Godzilla (98) were absolutely hilarious! Their next roast should be really great! November Big Hero 6: Disney is on a freakin roll!! Frozen, Wreck it Ralph and Tangled were all great animated films that managed to go beyond just being cynically made animated films. They were all genuinely great pieces of film and now they look to be about to make light night strike again! Adapting the barely known Marvel comic series the same way they approach classic fairy tales might be a stroke of genius and seeing it play out with the same energy and style of Wreck it Ralph and Guardians of the Galaxy. This is my most anticipated movie of the fall! Intersteller: Someone once said that if Nolan ever made a forth Batman movie it would have to goto space to be bigger than the Dark Knight Rises. At least part of that was true. In his first movie since the completion of the Dark Knight Trilogy, Nolan presents a high caliper Science Fiction movie about man's last attempt to stave off extinction, looking beyond into the stars for a new home. This movie might be great! Dumb and Dumber Too: sooo… This is a thing…. Theory of Everything: I haven't heard much on this but its an art house romance movie about Steven Hawking. Should be fascinating if nothing else. Fox catcher: Why am I imagining Channing Tatum as Cinderella Man here..? Fury: Brad Pit plays a WWII tank driver, fighting on the front lines with a rookie crew member after the loss of his best soldier. These men must survive the war. Should be fascinating. MockingJay Part 1: I'm not sure how to feel about Hunger Games now that Catching Fire has passed. The first movie was extremely boring but the followup was a vast improvement I rather enjoyed. From here though I don't know where the series is going to go and how well the characters work within the formula of the first two movies is beyond me.. well see.. The Penguins of Madagascar: I generally hate spinoff animated movies. They aren't always bad but they feel terribly cynical and i'd rather they don't exist. Penguins feels like a rather good idea though, simply because there is proof of concept that has me thinking this might be well thought through. The animated cartoon on Nick Penguins of Madagascar has been an intermitedly interesting exercise in cynicism but managed a few really great episodes that I enjoyed as a teenager. It helps of course that the Penguins were the best part of the Madagascar movies. This might be something great! December Paddington: A wacky British bear goes on wacky misadventures! I… don't know how to feel... Exodus: With the rampant success of movies like Son of God and Noah, Biblical epics are becoming popular again in Hollywood. Now Ridley Scott (Alien, Gladiator, Blade Runner) is throwing his hat into the ring with a retelling of the story of Moses. Despite the weird casting and crappy promotional materials, Exodus has a lot of potential and might be one of the year's cinematic highlights! Hobbit: The Battle of Five Armies: What is the Hobbit Trilogy? A cynical, forced production? A party to celebrate the Lord of the Rings?  Whatever it is, these movies have been fun if nothing else. Finally the newest run through Middle-Earth will come to a conclusion. Can John Wattson defeat the voice of Khan…? Well clearly, he survives because he is in Fellowship… It'll still be cool though! Annie: I hate Annie… No amount of gimmicks and stunt casting will make me like it… Night at the Museum 3: I actually liked the first movie. It came out when I was young enough to find some enjoyment in it. The second one sucked… Now we have a long awaited by nobody third one which is anybody's guess. At this point the most interesting thing about it is that it is Robin William's last post-mortem performance so that will be fascinating. Into the Woods: This might be quietly brilliant. With Disney currently in the works on producing a full line of live action adaptions like Maleficient and Cinderella, a big production of the famed musical Into the Woods seems.. interesting… I'm not a huge fan to the musical but this might be what it takes for me to really get into it, depending on how they pull it off. The stage production is in my opinion a very disjointed story that only really gets by on its more anachronistic and surprisingly dark comedic moments. Seeing Disney try to pull it off however might be what it takes to elevate the story if they take it somewhere interesting! In any case, the cast is interesting and interested to see it. Unbroken: Angelina Jolie's directorial debut tells the story of an Olympic runner that is drafted to WWII, captured and forced into a prison camp. I don't know how good this is going to be, but at the very least it will be a strange, different sort of movie. The Interview: And to finish off the year, whats likely the thing that will finally spark WW3 with the North Koreans! Seth Rogen and James Franco are spies that infiltrate N. Korea and attempt to kill Kim Jong Un. Given Rogen's incredible recent filmography of This is the End and Neighbors, I think we are in for something special!   This will be an interesting season! Thank you for reading! Live long and prosper!

[bakagamieru]

Hey gami, I was wondering if you were gonna share your thoughts/ give a review for flicker? What did you think? :)

I love it!  I took Friday off partly in order to listen to it when it came out instead of having to wait until I came home from work.

The album is actually growing on me more and more as I listen to it even though I thought it was great from the start anyway.

Uhhhh, I kind of went a little overboard once I started typing my thoughts...

Sound

It’s definitely got a pretty coherent tone to it which some people will say is too boring and some people will say makes the songs sound too samey, but it’s nice to immerse yourself in a mood and you can do that with Niall’s album.  It’s all very gentle, very heartfelt, and very sincere.  I bet it would be easy to fall asleep to this album with how soothing it is.

I think Niall’s vocals are the best they’ve ever been on the album.  Like I always thought, more acoustic-leaning songs help highlight his voice with it’s more talk-y quality and rasp.  Niall’s always had a bit of an oddball voice because he’s got these clear, pure high tones and yet he can also have a rasp on both the high and the low end.  The gentle acoustic sound of the album helps all of those things shine.  Niall is pretty bread and butter (in a good way that makes it easy to connect to his voice) until he suddenly puts in one of those trills or intentional breaks and then you’re left there with your mouth hanging open.

It’s a bit weird having heard all the songs live and then having to get used to the studio versions, but I think the studio versions are awesome for the most part.  I do think the different notes in On the Loose are kind of odd and maybe should have been re-recorded, but that’s mostly the only gripe I have.

Lyric Themes

To be honest, the lyrics of Niall’s album shock me a little.  We’ve only ever heard his solo songs up until now be about one night stands and hook-ups.  That would be apart from DFWYB which isn’t about romance in the first place.  Anyway, it feels weird that Niall is kind of known for writing those hook-up songs and then he comes out of nowhere with an album that’s all dedicated love, anxious longing, and wistful remembrance.

To be fair, there were hints of it here and there, especially in the lyrics of Temporary Fix.  Something that carried over from Temporary Fix is that Niall seems to have a recurring theme of putting himself in a more submissive or supporting role in a relationship than most men do.  

There are several songs that specifically mention the girl making the first move:

Temporary Fix- “you were looking at me first”

Slow Hands- " ‘We should take this back to my place’ That's what she said right to my face”

Seeing Blind- “now you’re talking to me first”

Then there are several songs that are specifically about wanting his partner to open up and wanting to listen to his partner’s problems:

Fire Away- “you can go ahead and unload it cause you know it’ll be ok, fire away”

Since We’re Alone- “tell me what you’re running from”

Mirrors (sort of, it’s not about his partner, but it is about inner struggles getting seen) “she looks into her mirror, wishing someone could hear her, so loud”

There are also several songs that are kind of entreating his partner to hold on to him, whether the relationship is still going or not (it kinds of puts the power in their hands rather than his own):

Too Much to Ask- “tell me there are things that you regret”

You and Me- “time has never been on our side, so would you wait for me?

The Tide- “don't let the tide come and wash us away, don't let the tide come and take me”

Flicker- “still a flicker of hope that you first gave to me that I wanna keep, please don't leave”

Warmth

I’m glad that there’s an inherent respect for his partners in Niall’s songs.  Zayn’s music has that too and it just makes it so much easier to listen to.  I don’t know how much either of them know about feminism or relationship discourse, but I would suspect Niall isn’t very versed on it considering he tends to make comments that show the unconsciously ingrained and unintentionally harmful brand of sexism.  

Anyway, my point is that there’s a sort of gentleness and warmth inherent in both Zayn and Niall’s lyrics that has to come from their nature because I don’t think it’s from any particular enlightenment through discourse.  It’s nice that it’s from their nature, though, because you can tell that they’re truly decent people.

That’s not to say that Harry, Louis, and Liam aren’t the same, but I don’t know that the types of songs they’ve written have reflected it in the way I’m talking about for Zayn and Niall.  This is because I think all of the songs about love and sex that are based on real experience that have come from these 3 are about men, but I think some of Zayn and Niall’s songs are legitimately about women.

I do hear that gentleness in the songs Louis has written that are about (most likely) Harry or about non-romantic things, and I hear that gentleness in the songs Harry has written (most likely) about Louis.  I don’t think any of Liam’s songs so far have sounded like they were based on his genuine experience, so I can’t judge that one.  

Yes, he and Louis wrote a lot together, but based on the lyrics released in Liam’s solo songs vs. Louis’ solo songs so far, I think it’s fair to say that Louis is far more interested in lyrics and it’s likely that a lot of the lyrics in their collabs came from Louis.  At first I didn’t want to say that because it’s true that Liam doesn’t get enough credit for those collabs, but I honestly think the evidence at this point supports Louis being the lyric guy while Liam is the melody guy.

Aggh, I’m having trouble explaining myself succinctly here, but I’m not trying to get too much into the politics of assigning sexuality to people we don’t know or open a can of worms about who wrote what on Liam and Louis’ collabs.  

It’s just me trying to explain a feeling I get from their lyrics when Zayn and Niall talk about sex and/or women.

Specific Songs

The only pure, happy love song in terms of the story of the song would be Seeing Blind.  The lyrics of that are interesting to me because he says that he’s heard the person speak a million times already before they even talk to each other for the first time.  That would indicate to me that whoever he’s talking about is someone who shows up in media somehow because otherwise he wouldn’t have been able to hear them if he hadn’t met them yet.

The one song I would say feels really odd and out of place to me is On My Own.  I like it well enough, but that and Slow Hands are the only 2 songs on the album that go back to that “single Niall” aesthetic from before the album.  

I also don’t really get the lyrics of On My Own because he talks about turning down someone who’s interested (presumably for a short fling), but then he’s also talking about “kissing all the women”.  So are you up for a one night stand or not Niall?  I haven’t figured out that one yet other than that it’s basically just an ode to bars.  I’m not saying there has to be anything deep behind it, but I like to figure out a meaning for songs that’s consistent across the lyrics and I’m having trouble doing that for On My Own.

Of course I somehow didn’t end up mentioning my favorite song in all of that.  Paper Houses just gets me. I think it’s kind of in league with Too Much to Ask and This Town in that it can be read as the other straight-up break-up song on the album.  However, it’s vague enough that it could apply to any sort of relationship or collective and I like that.  I think his voice is probably in its best element on that song too.

I would say Fire Away is probably my 2nd favorite for similar reasons, but The Tide is right on its heels even though it’s solidly about romance.

See, that’s the thing.  I usually don’t like songs that are about romance because I think it’s way overdone.  About 95% of songs you hear on the radio are about romance and there are so many other parts of the human experience that deserve to get attention instead.  However, I think having not heard Niall write about committed relationships before helps in making this album feel fresh despite that.  I also think a large chunk of it is down to Niall pouring his heart and his real feelings into the album.  It comes across as genuine.

Summary

I really love Niall’s album.  It’s something that creeps up on you quietly and sits on you unassumingly.  It’s a great representation of his entire career so far.  

I personally would say Niall has had the most successful career at this point despite it being the least flashy.  I’m basing that on the combination of the industry buzz, positive reviews, general audience reaction, consistency of charting, longevity of songs, streaming, and sales.  All the others tend to have a corner of the market locked down, but I think Niall’s the only one who’s doing well across all the metrics.  The only thing he’s a little low on is his hits on his music videos, but to be fair he only has the 1 that’s a real music video.

It’s just kind of mind-boggling to think about because Niall always does things like this.  He doesn’t ever stand center-stage, and yet somehow he manages to steal everyone’s hearts under the radar.

To be fair to the others, it has to be said Niall hasn’t really experienced the sabotage they have either.  Poor Zayn and Louis are getting maliciously neglected while Liam is sunk in a shithole of bearding and official narrative.  Harry, while his official narrative isn’t the nicest for fans, generally benefits him when it comes to the industry and the general public.  He could have more promo though.

[jarienn972]

The Right Place - Chapter Nine

I wanted to get this update in before tonight’s season premiere and whether or not you’re watching the new season, I am planning to - going into it with an open mind.  And here’s just a disclaimer: both of my WIP fics will be completed based on the first six seasons only so nothing from S7 will be referenced going forward.  

AO3   FF.Net   

Tumblr chapters: Prologue/One  Two  Three Four  Five  Six  Seven  Eight

Wednesday morning, Portland Medical Center

Emma slept maybe an hour longer in that cramped space next to her husband, waking with a jolt when she shifted too far to her left and accidentally brought her forearm down across his incision when she thought her backside was falling off the edge of the bed. She instantly felt his body tense at the painful unexpected contact which had her apologizing profusely as she clambered off of the mattress. Thankfully, the discomfort wasn't enough to completely wake him. He simply moaned and groaned briefly before drifting back to sleep but she decided she certainly wasn't going to attempt bed sharing again.

Trying not to wake the fidgeting Henry either, she padded silently across the tile floor and ducked into the bathroom, pushing the door closed as quietly as she could before flipping on the lights. Finding a small bar of unscented soap resting by the sink, she turned on the water and worked up a decent lather before scrubbing her face, longing for a shower and a change of clothing but those would have to wait. She rinsed off with a few splashes of lukewarm water and dried her hands and face using a couple of paper towels from the dispenser to her right. It was scarcely enough to make her feel human, but it would have to do for the meantime.

A few early rays of morning sunlight were just beginning to filter through the vertical blinds when she pushed the bathroom door open. Henry had rolled to his right side with his back to the window now but it was clear he wasn't yet ready to give up sleep without a fight. The increasing light in the room didn't appear to be bothering Killian but she didn't want to take any chances that she would disturb either of them so she decided to take a stroll out to the corridor to have a chat with Deputy McCallen once again before his shift ended.

"You're up awfully early, Sheriff," the deputy commented as Emma pulled the door nearly closed behind her – just enough that she could still hear if her name was called but hopefully muffling the sound of any voices in the hallway.

"It's tough to sleep in a chair," Emma replied honestly. "Killian offered to share, but that really wasn't much better. I accidentally moved a little too quickly and hurt him, so not doing that again."

"I guess your son got the lucky draw there," he said, almost as a tease while folding up the front section of that morning's newspaper, resting it across his lap.

"Yeah – can't tell you how tempted I am to wake him up and commandeer that cot for myself!" McCallen chuckled at her response then almost instantly flushed with embarrassment, worried that his laughter could be construed as inappropriate. Emma noticed his demeanor changing and decided it was time to address his apparent worry of crossing the line into unprofessional behavior. "You know, you don't have to be embarrassed about laughing. I meant it to be a joke and finding what I said funny doesn't mean you've crossed any lines. This has been a stressful situation for everyone and we're all going to be stuck working together for a while so it's natural that subjects are occasionally going to get personal or sometimes border on the less than professional. It's normal and it's perfectly okay. Hell, I'm honestly surprised that you didn't ask me why I haven't changed my clothes…"

"I'm sorry, Sheriff. I'm not trying to sound cold or be insensitive or anything, I'm just not very adept at these kind of investigations. I spend most of my time at my desk processing reports and answering telephones. I really don't get out into the field much, but Sheriff Lassiter thought this would be a good case for me to get some more experience."

"Aside from being maybe a little too reserved, you're handling the investigation just fine. You're not going to offend either of us so don't be afraid to say what's on your mind or ask whatever questions you have swirling around in there too."

"You're sure?"

"Of course. Just like the question you asked about Killian's jewelry, you can ask anything. I know you must have a few questions that you've written down in that notebook of yours that you haven't had the courage to ask me…"

"Honestly, I have a lot, but I have a suspicious feeling that most of them are going to be those very long stories…"

"Well, probably," she sighed, leaning her left shoulder into the floor to ceiling window behind her. "Our lives haven't exactly been what you would call conventional…"

"How so?" McCallen wondered, almost immediately regretting the query. "That's not too personal, is it?" he added shyly.

"Maybe a little, but I'm really tired so what the hell - I'm game," she grinned. "Take me for example – I spent most of my impressionable years in the foster system, had a few run-ins with the law but eventually got those impulses tamed and became a bail bondsperson. A few years later, I became Sheriff of Storybrooke. My younger self would have been absolutely mortified by the thought."

"I'm sure. Doesn't sound like the easiest path to where you are today. What about your husband? I remember how surprised and honestly horrified I was when taking my evidence photos while we were trying to identify him. Seeing all of those scars covering his body… I can't even imagine what he must have been though…"

"His life might have been even harder than mine in some ways. His mother wasn't in the picture when he was a child – I guess she died or abandoned her family when he was very young and then his father abandoned him as a young child, leaving Killian and his older brother in the hands of a man who brutally abused them for years. They eventually got away from that awful situation and joined the Royal Navy for a while, at least until the Navy command betrayed them on a mission that cost his brother, Liam his life."

"Is that when he lost his hand?"

"No – that came a little later in his life – when he lost his first love as well."

"Wow – that's awful…," McCallen replied with a sudden realization. "Is that the name on his wrist tattoo?"

"Yeah," she nodded. "Her death sent him headfirst down a very destructive path but he says that meeting me was his wake-up call to pull him back from a lot of years spent in a very dark place. We found that together we could heal some of those old wounds – mending so many of each other's broken pieces and after we married, I officially made him my deputy, but we really had been partners long before that…"

"You two do make an interesting pair. Now I understand a little better why you say that everything is a long story."

"Oh, I've only hit some of the highlights here!" Emma reminded the deputy with an exasperated giggle. "There are things about Killian that I still don't really know and there are things he doesn't yet know about me but we're slowly learning… Like the story of how Killian actually lost his hand – he doesn't like to talk about the details so I honestly don't even know the whole sorted tale. All I know for sure is that it involved a very jealous crocodile…"

"A crocodile?" McCallen exclaimed, looking up at her incredulously. "His hand was bitten off by a crocodile?"

"No – not an actual crocodile. That was the nickname he gave his lover's ex-husband – and that's definitely another of those long stories…"

Okay – I think I'll leave it at that. Not sure I want to know any more. Sounds too much like some bizarre medieval jilted lover's revenge plot…"

"Oh, you have no idea…," she laughed heartily, not really because of the subject but rather at how close to reality McCallen's medieval tryst implication actually came. She couldn't exactly explain that the truth of the situation from hundreds of years ago in another far-off realm was in fact, very medieval.

"Pretty sure I already know too much," McCallen started to say when he was cut off by the door behind them pushing open.

"Hey, Mom," Henry called, appearing in the doorway to Emma's right. "I think you need to come back in here. Killian seems to be having another nightmare…" She didn't hesitate as she darted past her son figuring things must be pretty bad if it had awakened him. The deputy rose to his feet, placing the newspaper on the chair as he stood hovering in the doorway behind the teen fully prepared to hail the nurse at the desk if necessary.

She'd only left his side minutes ago, but the tremors he'd experienced with the last nightmare had returned as had the sheen of sweat upon his brow. His heartrate and blood pressure were gradually increasing as well although not yet to levels that were attracting the nurse's attention.

"Killian?" she called out his name hoping to pull him back from the dreamscape. She lifted his hand into hers, letting her thumb graze across his knuckles, avoiding the tape securing the plastic tubing of the IV. "Killian, it's just a dream… I'm right here… No one's going to hurt you…" She raised her left hand to caress his cheek but he shrugged away from her touch the moment her fingertips brushed his skin. "It's alright…" she kept repeating calming words and clung tightly to his hand even as he attempted to pull it from her grasp. "Listen to my voice… It's only a dream…" She stubbornly refused to let go until the trembling finally subsided and his pulse gradually slowed. He drew in a few deeper breaths as his eyes open, wide with surprise and just a hint of fear. "Hey," she smiled as his gaze met hers. "You were just dreaming…"

"Didn't feel like a dream…," he replied breathlessly. "Felt as though I were drowning all over again…"

"Do you want me to call the nurse for you? You were shaking quite a bit there. Are you in any pain right now?"

"I'll be fine in a moment, Swan," he grimaced, clearly lying but obviously frustrated at his own helplessness. He didn't want his wife to be constantly worried about him. He just wanted to go home and get back to normal – whatever that might be for them. "I'm just ready to be out of this bed – to get my sea legs back, so to speak."

"And you will," she reminded him. "Like I told you earlier, there's no need to rush things. Storybrooke is in my father's capable hands, Regina will be here in a few hours and I'm not going anywhere." She'd said it all before but she didn't want him forgetting a single word. "You have to allow yourself time to heal…"

He knew she was right so there was no point to arguing but he was determined that he wouldn't be tended to for much longer. As soon as they removed some of these intrusive, infernal tubes and wires, he'd show that he was fully capable of taking care of himself.

"I know. I'm just a smidge impatient sometimes," he replied with a smirk.

"Don't I know it?" she retorted with a shake of her head. "A smidge?"

"Honestly, Love, right now I'm actually just worn out and maybe a little hungry…"

"Hungry? Well, that's new. I guess you haven't really eaten for three days so maybe it's a good thing that you're getting hungry. Let me see if I can find out what you're allowed to have."

Satisfied that the crisis had been averted and was no longer in need of his attention, McCallen relaxed his stance and retrieved the newspaper from his seat.

"Glad everything seems to have calmed down. I'll head back to my post until the next deputy arrives around eight. I've already finished up with this – well, except for the crossword puzzle. I'm hanging on to that section, but you're welcome to the rest if you'd like…" He held out the first three sections of the folded newspaper which Henry accepted.

"I'll take it. I'll give me something to look at until my other mom gets here…" the teen stated, much to McCallen's confusion once again.

"Other mom?" the deputy wondered but he quickly brushed it off. "Nevermind… I'm sure that'll be another one of your family's long stories…" Henry grinned but didn't respond as McCallen took his seat by the door shaking his head in disbelief while Henry re-entered his stepfather's room.

"I'll be right back," Emma stated, brushing past her son as she went to ask the nurse if Killian would be allowed any type of food, hoping they'd offer something other than gelatin which she knew he probably wouldn't eat. She really didn't want to explain why either.

Henry started unfolding the paper while still standing at the foot of the bed, separating the sections as he searched for the comics - which ended up being in the local and state section. He tossed the rest of the paper over onto the counter by the sink and opened up the portion he'd kept, briefly scanning the pages while he looked for the one he wanted then flipping them around so that the page he was reading would be on top. He took a single step away from the bed when something on the opposite page happened to catch Killian's eye.

"May I see that, Lad?" the pirate implored, his fingers inexplicably trembling yet again as he pointed at the periodical in his stepson's hand.

"You want to see the comics?" the somewhat bewildered teen asked, not quite sure what had captured Killian's attention enough to cause his hand to start shaking again. "You usually don't want to read them…"

"Not those ridiculous crude drawings," Killian replied. "The other page… There's a photograph I saw… May I see it closer?" Henry shrugged as he glanced at the opposing page to see an article about a new office building under construction above a half-page advertisement for a car dealership, neither of which would seemingly be of interest to his stepfather. He handed the paper to Killian as he watched the pirate's eyes narrow to focus on a grainy photograph depicting an older man standing in front of a construction site. It wasn't the clearest image on the newsprint, but it was more than enough for Killian to recognize that he'd seen the man pictured before.

"Bloody hell… That's the third man…" the pirate growled, loud enough to capture McCallen's attention, drawing the deputy into the room.

"Did I just hear you say something about the third man?" the deputy demanded, interest fully piqued at this potential new lead.

"The man in this photograph – he's the third man – the one who stabbed me," Killian repeated. The deputy yanked the paper from the pirate's hand in a manner that would have bordered on rude, but Killian didn't take offense as McCallen looked at the image and the caption below it.

"Are you sure about this?" McCallen asked, shaking his head in disbelief. "That man is Donovan Donleavy, head of Leviant Construction. You're telling me that he's the man who attempted to kill you?"

"I may not have been fully coherent at the moment, but I can assure you that I got a sufficient enough look at the face of my attacker to know that's him."

"Crap…," the deputy sighed, dropping the newspaper onto the pale blue blanket covering Killian's legs.

"Did I just hear someone saying 'crap'?" Emma wondered as she sauntered back in, unaware of the revelation that had just occurred, but instantly noticing the change in the atmosphere of the room. "Okay – what did I just miss?"

"Your husband just identified his assailant," McCallen stated without raising his gaze from the floor to look at her. "And if he's right, things just might have gotten a whole lot more complicated…"

"Okay…," Now she was even more curious as to what had transpired in the two or three minutes that she'd stepped away. "Unless I'm missing something, this should be a good thing, right? If Killian was able to identify the man who stabbed him, what so complicated?"

"I would typically say yes, this is a good thing," the deputy began, retrieving the newspaper to let Emma see the photograph for herself. "Except that the man who your husband identified is a fairly prominent Portland business man – head of a major construction company here. I can't just walk out of here and arrest him on the word of a man who just woke up from a two day coma. If Mr. Donleavy really is the person who stabbed you, Mr. Jones, we're going to have to work very carefully to build a rock solid case."

"I'm quite certain of the face I saw," Killian insisted, growing agitated that his word wasn't good enough.

"And I'm not doubting you," McCallen assured him, "but we can't go out there and accuse a man like him without plenty of evidence. First thing I intend to do is see if Donovan Donleavy has a registered sport fishing boat that hopefully was spotted somewhere near the ferry terminal Sunday morning. It'll be even better if he has a boat with a name that includes those letters and numbers you gave me earlier this morning."

"And now we definitely need to go back and talk to Jean Scott," Emma stated. "She mentioned receiving offers to sell her property. What if one of her potential suitors was getting a little pushy?"

"I see where you're going with that…," McCallen grinned. "We should find out if one of those potential buyers was Donleavy."

"Exactly!" she smiled. The deputy might not be so green after all.

"Okay, I guess I'd better go wake up Sheriff Lassiter and see what he wants us to do now," McCallen said as he checked the time on his watch with a frown and furrowed brow. "I also had better check in with Sgt. Haviland as well. He'd been letting our department run with the investigation when it seemed like just a run of the mill robbery case, but this has gotten a lot bigger than that."

"Think you could get him to meet you over here later this morning?" Emma wondered. "I'd really like to be involved in the discussions too."

"I'll definitely ask. He may want Portland P.D. to take over the case now, but we'll bring both him and Sheriff Lassiter up to speed and let them argue jurisdiction."

"I'd appreciate it if you'd keep me in the loop," Emma said, unsure if she'd be viewed by the others as a colleague or as a hindrance.

"I wouldn't have it any other way, Sheriff," McCallen promised her. "You've been an invaluable help with getting our investigation this far. As soon as Sam gets here to take over sentry duty, I'll see what I can arrange."

"Don't you need some sleep?" she wondered.

"I caught a few hours yesterday afternoon and I'll grab a nap later. Right now, there's too much going on to worry about sleep…" The deputy was already out of the door and into the corridor before Emma could respond but Killian was now mildly amused.

"I concur with the deputy," he stated.

"You concur with what?" she responded with a curious sideways glance.

"There's too much going on to bother with sleep. I have a few tasks I would like to attempt this morning before Regina arrives to take the lad back home."

"Such as?"

"Perhaps a shower?" he asked, a hint of eagerness evident in his azure eyes. He made a visual point of raising his hand to his head, lacing his fingers through areas where he knew his dark hair was plastered to his scalp from salt water, sweat and the simple fact that his head had been pressed into a pillow for three days. He'd yet to see his own visage in a mirror, but he knew he was likely a fright with matted disheveled hair, a painful black eye and an untrimmed mess of whiskers adorning his battered face. "I believe I should make myself look at least decently presentable before the Queen arrives."

"Seriously?" she deadpanned before both she and Henry erupted in laughter, much to her husband's chagrin. "Killian – Regina knows what you've been through. You don't have to be concerned about vanity…"

"Perhaps," he replied in a huff. "But it would also make me feel a lot better as well. I most certainly do not feel like my devilishly handsome self at the moment…"

"Okay," She could see his point now. "The nurse will be in soon with some broth or something for you to try. We'll ask her then. Not sure what they'll say or how they'll even work it with all of your bandages, but we can ask." Turning toward her son, she had a task for him. "Henry, would you be willing to run out to the Bug and get my black duffel bag out of the trunk?"

"Sure. Where are your keys?" Henry asked, picking up his jacket from the floor next to the chair."

"In my coat pocket," she replied.

"Got it! Be right back!" The teen fished the key ring from her coat hanging on the closet doorknob and darted toward the door.

"Don't forget to tell Deputy McCallen where you're going – better yet – see if he'll go with you so he doesn't freak out when you return carrying a duffel bag." She didn't even know if her son had heard the last part of her statement, but hopefully enough of the message had gotten through so that she could now return her full attention to her husband. "Now – if you do get permission to shower, you might as well get some of your own clothing as well. I didn't really know what to bring so I just sorta grabbed a few things I thought might be comfortable – some pajama pants and a couple of shirts. Wasn't sure if the button up or the T-shirt ones were going to better so I brought both…"

"Well, then hopefully the nurse will be here very soon, while the lad isn't present. I'm quite certain that they'll need to adjust certain 'attachments' in order for me to make my way into that bath…" He pointed to the open bathroom door, then allowed his gaze to drift downward and Emma immediately understood.

"Well, then, maybe you should press that call button to get her attention." Emma couldn't help herself as she started giggling at his expense once more. "I'll let you be the one to argue that point…"

[liamhurtz]

The final and present chapter so far.

So to summarise the last two parts, i was a sensitive, naive but curious and friendly child, loving but some what standoffish parents the older i got, dealing with their own break down of relationship and life. I then went astray in those adolescent years and started to grow up with some of the best worse influences you could have. My emotional state never really matured past those childhood years and i simply learned to hide it from the world to cope.

So to the present, another year or so after the drams of my first year at Coop and i’d meet a young girl, i was always attracted to her from the start, but i was doing the whole ‘i’m an island’ cold heart clique and never made much of a move or showed alot of interest. Despite this she tried and inevitably gave up, started seeing someone else and i was hurt over this perceived betrayal. I never realised how little interest i had shown in her because in my own eye’s i had made it obvious i liked her. We didn’t talk for ahwhile after this and she continued with this guy. It ended not long after and we started talking again, we started of casual, just fun, but as the months drew on and on i realised i was falling into a relationship. I was terrified. Not only had i not even seen the noose (as i saw it then) around my neck i’d failed to realise i’d put it on rather willingly. I gave small bits of ground to emotions and affections, like a fighting retreat rather than a full rout.

Some months after i couldn’t take the attachment i was feeling, i had to thoroughly convince myself i didn’t want it, i wanted to be free and untamed and not held in some cage by a girl 9years my junior, i mean with that it was surely destined to end? I couldn’t maintain a relationship with a 18/19 year old girl when i was that age as well let alone now when i felt dead to the world. So i ended it for a whole 3 weeks before i realised i wanted this more than i thought and decided to keep it going. We kept going, but that inner monster in me, that one that wants to hold everything at arms length, close enough to see and interact but not close enough to get a hold of you throat and become intimate with your heart.

We kept going, me constantly talking about other women, about ending the ‘relationship’ in September when she would go to France for uni for 3 months, like the army had to me i drilled this into her, why i was surprised when a few months later i found out she had been cheating on me with the previous guy she was with is beyond me. Perhaps it was because i thought she was a good person that could never stoop to that level, perhaps i thought she was so placid she couldn't even consider the though of cheating when committed to me. Perhaps i thought too highly of myself as a pseudo boyfriend to realise how shit of a person i actually was to her, the girlfriend and relationship i’d struggled against constantly but went with anyway, like a child born that you didn’t want but its there and you have to deal with it for the foreseeable future now.

It crushed me, truly it broke me, it was like Thor’s hammer Mjolnir rather than a sledgehammer hitting me now. I snapped, that impulsive behaviour that has so defined my life took over and i took my first venture down a path that’s deeper that pitt of self made hell, a path to actual hell. 

After lots of screaming, shouting, swearing and horrendous name calling on the phone trying to get the truth i was decided i had enough of it all. I walked down to the wear bridge a few minutes from my city centre shared accom at the time, and climbed over the banister. I kept one hand on it and leant forward as far as i could. Into that darkness of cold black abyss i stared. My instinct to live and not die keeping me from letting go when everything inside screamed at me to do it, two people walked past me at this point, one sniggered and they kept walking, why bother living anymore if that’s how much i’m worth?

Eventually i decided to live, but i would be plagued my extreme anxiety, depressions and suicidal thoughts and tendencies more so than i had been (and throughout the last two chapters i had been to some degree) from now on.

During all this time before and shortly after my work life deteriorated as well but as a result of this and my general behaviour. During the inital time of first meeting my love i was a subjective personality i feel, you could get on with me, i was honest and upfront but also blunt, moody, somewhat intimidating and prone to wild mood swings that were hard for me to even look back on in retrospect. It certainly gained me a reputation at work, not a particularly good one as time went on. As a shift leader i was critical and overly keen to point someones mistakes and flaws out rather than help lift them up and better themselves, perhaps because i felt no one had to me, since a teenager i’d had to do things on my own with little emotional support to help. This certainly made me self reliant but at the expense of my empathy. To this day some employees would laugh at the concept of me having any in-depth emotions let alone writing a life story on tumblr.

So work goes on, promotions, more responsibility and more stress. More moods, less empathy more uncontrollable outburst.

And yet abit of light in this dark place i’d let myself get to. I went on a course for my level of management- people management course- delivered by a very charismatic Mark Bell, which for the first time in along time got me to think back on my behaviour, my actions, and how i have directly affected others. This caused a revelation in me, i began to change, rather than ready someone for the firing squad of verbal anger over a simple mistake, i’d say don’t worry its an easy mistake, or its all good just make sure it doesn’t happen again. Mercy? Compassion and empathy? Was this even the same Liam that got on the train to Glasgow? Or was he killed off and replaced by some synthetic version that understood people are only human? Regardless this new me continued to improve at work in regards to people but deteriorated rapidly at the pressures being imposed on him in his role. This new me was great but it drained my energy massively, to hold back the anger and not react impulsively was a burden but one i needed to bear.

Unfortunately this did not attain to my estranged girlfriend, throughout this time we continued on, this course had given me enough realisation that she was human and made a mistake or she was a compulsive liar that would always do this and i couldn’t changer her. She would over the course of 5 months prove to be the former but i would not realise this fully until typing these very words.

For those months she endured more, anger, more threats of me leaving her, me actually leaving her, me putting her down and enacting strict rules that restricted her social and even work life. At the time i thought it was justified and maybe for the first month or two it was as she had continued to lie over details and other activities. She sorted herself out to some degree, as much as anyone her age can, i however had poison in my heart, this betrayal was bitter and ran to the core. I couldn’t move past it no matter how hard i tried. We stuck it out, me in my mood swings and paranoia and her in her everlasting attempts to win my favour again. She goes to France and by this point i know i need her, i love her to distraction and i want a clean slate, i literally offer it and a fully fledged relationship, no more i might give you another chance. However i was bitter, i felt i was owed something, owed a chance to hurt her like she had me. Throughout this time i had been talking to a girl i knew from work, we became close friends but there was no feelings on my apart, except attraction. This developed into flirting and from their i took my opportunity to hurt my love. Afterwards i felt nothing, no sense of victory, or achievement. I decided to not tell her initially, i no loner wanted to hurt her, but not long after in a conversation further down the line i had a choice, tell her now as it was relevant or forever hold me piece and become that which i had hated in her. I told her and broke her heart yet she forgave me, instantly almost, no conditions save what i wanted to impose on myself. Still i couldn’t accept things and be happy with this new clean slate, i pushed harder and harder and more erratic each time, it was my slow decent in madness, as i become increasingly harder to deal with, increasingly nihilistic of my life and even narcissistic of my feelings over hers. The latter was unintentional but i could not cope, and it got worse. 

She has recently went through two of the worse times of her life. The first i was totally not supportive in even the vaguest sense, and very limited in the latter part of it. I tried to be for the second event but she was self reliant now, she had to be, she couldn’t rely on me, i was getting worse and worse. She realised she was worth something, despite what she did. Though i love her with all my heart and everything else i couldn’t forgive her for what she had done, and as a result i refused to treat her as an equal to me. I never had for the whole year. I can try to justify it, i never wanted a relationship, why would i go through the motions of treating it as one? But it’s not good enough. I didn’t initially want that but i put myself in a position where it was the end result and i refused to change. Until now. Unfortunately too late, perhaps like me you’re seeing a pattern here.

So the present? I’m currently removed from her social media, she doesn’t want to speak to me and i’ve resorted to begging because i can’t cope. A far cry from this time last year when we had just started our initial phase of having fun and not knowing where it would go, and me resisting it going anywhere. These are the notes i made for my gp for an appointment i’m hoping to get the day of writing this to give you an idea of my current state:

List of issues:

Anger – extreme anger over small things, anger that isn't justifiable to the perceived act, anger over the slightest inconvenience and mainly aimed at my girlfriend

Suicidal thoughts – constant day in day out regardless of mood, few rare occurrences when I haven't, usually if I've had a really positive day, or a good day with girlfriend tends to overcome it

Love/hate – Mainly aimed at my girlfriend, constantly either love to the point of being unable to lose her, slightest hint of losing her sends my emotions into the extreme and I react impulsively as a result, sending messages impulsively that are pathetic, sympathy or anger related and to get a reaction, most the time not even realising its for those reason until or if I self reflect. The opposite is the hate phase which usually occurs when i'm secure in the relationship and not at risk of losing her, mind wonders, boredom kicks in and I seek impulsive pleasure. Currently knowing my relationship is over or 99% done and little I can do will save it, terrified of losing my girlfriend and desperately try to stop this but has the opposite effect, usually do to outbursts or suicidal thoughts.

Impulsive behaviour – When emotions get to high/hard to deal with always end doing something impulsively to try to numb what i'm feeling or make me feel better, usually done so through sex or sexual acts, a lot of time not thinking of the other persons feelings in regards to what they expect to happen afterwards, unprotected sex which I know isn't worth the risk but still engage in it. Recent turn to drinking when in a high mania type mood, not excessive or constant but more than previously.

Overly sensitive or Cold – either overly sensitive to everything, the slightest wrong word or out of phrase expression can consume me and send me into either a rage or a fit of depression that leads to suicidal thoughts or attempts

Paranoia – Constantly paranoid, mainly in relation to people looking at me at work or at uni or out in town walking about etc, if I walk past someone and they laugh my instant assumption is that its laughing at me and this quickly leads to anger/irritability and a downward spiral. Constantly paranoid over my girlfriend, initially started out as a normal not trusting people but reached a climax after she cheated on me over a month. Has spiralled out of control since then, constant checking of social media both from my view point and her showing me hers, constantly convincing myself she is still cheating or seeing someone I know or the guy she cheated on before if anything she does is slightly out of sync with what I feel is right which leads to mood swings. My gut feeling is completely out of true north and now everything looks suspicious.

Mood swings – As mentioned above in various ways, constant mood swings both relationship related and general, in general I can be really happy for a day or a week or even just a few hours or minutes and then one wrong word or even thought and I can ruin my whole day, leading to anger or depression and suicidal thoughts, emotions are hard to control, if I feel like crying, which I often do, it's hard not to, the counter of this is either hysterical laughter or anger. Emotions are hard to deal with and lead to me acting impulsively and the above things occurring. Primary cause of issues.

Laughter – Started laughing instead of crying, used it as a coping method to deal with emotions, works for about a minute

'Panic attacks' – use the term loosely, crying, unable to breathe, extreme panic and fight or flight type mood/reaction, lasts between 30seconds to a couple minutes.

Depression- constant low mood and negative thoughts, always negative thoughts, suicidal thoughts constantly, 2 attempts*, Nihilistic constantly, low self view and feelings of worthlessness, that my family and girlfriend would be better off without me.

Feeling lost and empty – Don't know who I am now, have thoughts of who I was, who I wanted to be, but no idea of who I am, where i'm going, feel lost and adrift. Feel empty and loneliness, unable to be close to anyone.

Struggle to concentrate -  difficulty to concentrate on basic things, especially work task, uni studying and reading, the latter of which is especially hard recently.

Restlesness/struggle to sleep – Constantly restless, struggle to sit still unless actively engage (movie at the pictures I want to see) struggle to sleep constantly such as typing this at 04:50 when i have uni at 11am, rarely sleep for more  than 6hrs undisturbed, often wake up after 3-4 hour intervals.

Thus ends the final part of ‘last time on Liam O’Brien’