#Level 5 did not write him to be a traumatised character but they did by accident

[quantomeno]

I always feel mildly bemused when I read people post about stuff like systemic sexism in fandoms, particularly things like about how people complain more about female characters but ignore male characters with similar faults, or the fandoms loving gay ships but not making as much fanworks for lesbian ones.

Part of this is just because I like female characters (despite being male, I tend to prefer things with female leads etc) and I'm not that involved in a lot of fandom arguments nor do I read a lot of shipfics, so I only hear about a lot of the sexism when people complain about it. Which is kind of funny to me in the fact it must exist, but I'm just conveniently shielded from it.

The other reason is some of my earliest fandoms I got involved in were female-majority casts, so most people do ship the women. Like, I think Equestria Daily once put out an apology after they posted a Braeburn m/m fic (admittedly, the outrage from the bronies back then in 2012 or whenever was probably out of homophobia, which isn't nice either, but the point still stands that they were no issues with w/w shipfics and to this day they are the vast, vast majority of shipping fics (mostly because once you've shipped Braeburn, Sorin' and Big Mac together there aren't that many other guys left to ship, but nonetheless)). Or like Barbie with its vastly superior chemistry between the joint female leads over the threadbare male love interest they've thrown in. Even when the male leads are good, it's popular to ship the girls.

I don't think I have anything substantial to say. I just don't understand the issues other men (or indeed women) have with female characters (and women and femininity in general) (I mean I do understand I just find it bizarre it when like a friend of mine once said he wasn't really interested in stories with female leads. I don't know, maybe read more books with better female protags? I have a bookshelf's worth if you want suggestions) (also like when people suggest there needs to be more talk about good female characters like, most of my favourites are already females and I will gladly talk about them till the cows come home). But also that's just me.

Also I kind of do like m/m ships a fraction more but that's like 90% because I'm bi and so, you know, I like seeing guys together because I kind of would like to get together with a guy if the opportunity arose. But I mean other than that they're just ships. Like sure there can be a different vibe or flavour to w/w or m/m or straight ships, but I mean if they're good characters why should my interest depend on their genders? I read things to experience the lives of others, I don't want to just see stories that match my experience. And sometimes I empathise most with the female characters so like, you need to approach characters with an open mind. I don't know.

OK I'm rambling now. I think I made my point. I'm not sure what it was anymore but I guess it's that women in fiction are cool and I don't know what everyone else's problem is.

[kingborb]

Spill the tea bestie :0 I'm pretty curious. Deadass I'm so glad, literally EVERYONE I know loves nick and/or dogmeat ONLY and it's so tedious and stale to me. It also makes talking about fallout 4 so boring bc they haven't traveled with anyone else but Nick and dogmeat 😫

Yeah, that's a huge problem and I'm having it too, especially when the tier S companions for me are Preston, X6, Hancock and Gage XD Ok then, I think I can adress few things, why not c: It will be the longest post ever, cause I will try to write everything I can about this topic (cause it bothers me so much). You don't have to read my rumbles of course, I will make tl;dr version somewhere at the end just in case you get bored, my friendly anon <3

Oh and if you want to talk about any companion (I've done everyone except Dance), you can hit me on dms or asks, feel free to do whatever suits you! :3

So I have a few problems with Nick, some of them might not be that serious or game changing, others were huge when I encountered them for the first time. Let's spill some tea on one of the most beloved characters in this game!

1) People see Nick as an empathic person who wants to help people, makes rational, unbiased decisions, and has a good reason to be against the Institute. When I can agree with some of those things, this image of him was ruined for me in the Acadia. Okay, okay, I understand that DiMA actually murdered Avery and it wasn't a good choice. However, it bothers me that Nick sees nothing against forcing DiMA to confess to people from Far Harbor about what he had done in the past (and Nick actually likes this choice!). It is pretty obvious that he would die there and every other synth on the island would share the same fate if not now, then probably in the nearest future. And even if Aleen kills 'only' DiMA (because of the speech check with you) Acadia would fall anyway. Why? Tell me - who would be their next lider? Maybe the ex-courser whose mission is bringing back synths to the safe place because DiMA said it's the right thing to do? Or maybe 'dearest Faraday', depressed after the fact that some random wastelander came to the Acadia and convinced his loved one to literally commit suicide? The only safe place for synths who don't want their minds to be wiped by the Railroad or the Institute would be gone forever and for Nick, our 2nd gen hero, it is the right thing to do. Great. Fantastic. I love his logic.

2) Nick sees DiMA only as a murderer, even though he kills with you so many people on everyday basis... I know it's not the same. But c'mon! DiMA killed once because he knew his people were in danger. It was them or Far Harbor, and obviously he chose the Acadia. What a surprise. I wonder what Nick would do in that situation... I know I'm a bit biased with some of my opinions here, but I love so much the concept of the Acadia and 2nd gen gay nearly-pacifist Plato that DiMA is. Nick doesn't understand that the whole Acadia is in constant danger because of some bigotry in Far Harbor and Children of Atom being, well... Children of Atom. And he does nothing when people from Far Harbor murder not only DiMA but the entirety of Acadia - a group of innocent synths. Their lives apperently mean less for Nick than hiding one bad thing done in the past...

3) So now we can begin the next chapter which is the Railroad. Nick loves their every move, of course he does... I don't want to talk about them too much, but here I can mention their fantastic standards, when it comes to synths. They're killing the 1st gen and the 2nd gen, they're saving the 3rd gen... and what about the coursers? Desdemona is calling them per 'IT'. Fucking hypocrisy hits hard on that one. I know they're enemies but man... Why are you objectifying them? Why are you assuming they don't have personalities only because they're fucking brainwashed and controlled as hell? The existence of Chase and Harkness shows that coursers can resist too, so... Yeah I have a general problem with the Railroad and their double standards, but this fact is killing me every time. And about Nicky, oh... I'm sorry man, but they will shoot you on the side, when you will take off your clothes and appear as every other 1st and 2nd gen.

4) So here's the another thing, which is the atmosphere around him and a character building. People seem to like Nick because he's a unique synth (that's actually a great point) and because of the noir/detective vibe around him (as with Deacon/Railorad and their secret agents vibe - I get that too). I know, I know it's pretty fun to have the 2nd gen experimental synth as a companion who has memories of the detective from the past with... A DEAD FIANCÉE. Yup. Another one. That's why I don't like Deacon's and Maccready's stories too (and the main plot of fo4, especially when I want to play as a character without a wife and a fucking kid...). I like his storyline, don't get me wrong. However I think some companions in fo4 are well-written as well, maybe even better than Nick (I like in them the lack of dead wifes!). The last standing Minutemen, depressed and traumatised, who is such a sweetheart anyway. A killing machine which turns out to be real human being with fears, emotions and insecurities. An asshole who becomes a raider because he didn't want to suffer the same pain as his parents did, and has trust issues because of his past. A lonely, depressed drug addict who wants to see good in people but was rejected by his own brother only because he has became a ghoul. Again, don't get me wrong - Nick's story is really interesting and tragic as hell. His problems with his identity, personality splited between the prewar detective and the 2nd gen synth... It's all fascinating, however I will not forgive the developers recycling over and over again the same fucking cishet tragic story with dead wife/fiancée/whatever. It gets boring and repetitive after the main plot honestly.

5) WHERE THE HELL DID KELLOGG GO AFTER CORRUPTING NICK'S MIND ONCE?! TODD. WHY. It would have been much more interesting than another dead loved one plot. Todd, you lazy ass. He had offered so many, and he gave nothing back... As he always does.

6) The last one, I promise... Nick's reaction after siding with the Institute bothers me so much (the same deal with Piper). I. Am. The. Director. Of. The. Fucking. Thing. And it means I can do whatever I want, cause the director has a pretty authoritarian power there. So I can change everything, including the way they treat synths, accept or deny their experiments, say goodbye to some nasty scientists... The Institute route is not ideal in any way, however I see it as the only reasonable path in this game, even from the lore perspective. The Brotherhood is just a bunch of shitheads in the blimp, and I've said enough here about the Railroad earlier. The Minutemen are great but I would like to have an option to connect their morals with the Institute's resources and wabam - you've got the true happy ending in fo4. I understand why Nick is pissed, however if you are with him on the highest level of the relationship, he knows that you are an emphatic person who wants to make Commonwealth a better place for everyone including synths, ghouls, etc. It would be logical for him to not see you as a traitor. But well, I guess I'm wrong. Whatever, Nicky, whatever...

So here's the lazy version:

1)/2) Nick likes convincing DiMA to tell everyone in Far Harbor that he killed Avery. Nicky does nothing when people from Far Harbor kill innocent synths.

3) The Railroad and their double standards, when it comes to synths, especially coursers, but 1st and 2nd gens too. Nick loves it when you're helping the Railroad, even though they would kill him on a spot if he forgot to wear his clothes, so...

4) Another companion with dead wife/fiancée needs your help.

5) Kellogg in Nicky's mind. Missed opportunity for a good plot... What a shame, Todd.

6) Siding with the Institute and Nick's reaction to that, even when you're at the maximum level of the relationship with him.

[holyhellpod]

4. Fambily

In this episode, we skim the surface of the fambily dynamics in Supernatural, which are--ah. Dicey at best. 

Apple | Spotify | Google

Transcript under the cut!

Content warnings: domestic violence and family abuse

[Growl]

Ah, the Winchesters. Where do we even start. Unhinged, deranged, and continually traumatised in every way, Sam and Dean complete each other. At least, that’s what the show wants us to think. Despite the ways they betray each other, lie to each other, and  piss each other off, they are fambily. And fambily is the most important thing. The concept of Fambily in the show Supernatural (2005-2020) takes many twists and turns throughout its run. In the first five minutes of episode one, the heteronormative, nuclear family of John, Mary, Sam and Dean is ripped apart by an unknown, antagonistic force that represents all the evil in the world. It creeps into a nursery and eviscerates a white, blonde mother while preying upon a 👶, I mean, how much more evil can you get? It’s fantastic that, in the later seasons especially, Supernatural embraces this idea that fambily doesn’t end in blood, but blood doesn’t always mean fambily. By the end of the series, the fambily concept has expanded to include two dads, an aunt and uncle, and a thirty-year old infant. I’m going to talk about the finale in its own episode, so that my ire will have its proper outlet. 

When the show starts, Sam, Dean and John have each other, and only each other. By the time season 2 really kicks off, Sam and Dean don’t have John anymore, but they do have Bobby Singer. The concept of the triumvirate follows them throughout the series as though they’re in a less sexy Italo Calvino novel—first Sam, Dean and John, then Sam, Dean and Bobby, then Sam, Dean and Ruby, then Sam, Dean and Cas, then Sam, Dean and Mary, then Sam, Dean and Jack. It’s broken in seasons 13-15 when Cas comes back and they have a family of four, and then five when Mary can stand to see her boys.  

But the Winchesters are not the only fambily in Supernatural who matter. In season two, we’re introduced to the Harvelles, mother Ellen and daughter Jo, who are a hunting fambily who run a hunter pub in the middle of whoop whoop. A pub that Eric Kripke famously hated, and rejoiced when he burnt it down at the end of season 2, because the Winchesters and by extension everyone they know aren’t allowed to have anything good ever. It’s revealed in season two episode “No Exit” that John got Jo’s father killed on a hunt, which obviously affects Jo more than it does Sam and Dean. 

[Editing note:] Okay I’m editing this episode, and I’m not happy with it. I’m not going to scrap it completely because I think I do have good points to say, but the general analysis of this episode is so surface level. It is basically contributing nothing to the conversation. And I started this podcast in order to actually contribute something to the culture. I could make a bunch of text posts on tumblr or I could spend hours and hours and hours and hours of my life to something that — I don’t know. Is it bringing me joy? Not at the moment. But, yeah. So I’m not going to scrap this episode completely but this is my way of saying from now on the episodes are going to take as much as they will take and I will commit myself to having deeper and more thoughtful analysis. And if I have to spend an entire episode on one aspect of one thing, I will. I could be at university right now studying a masters or a PhD in fucking literary analysis but instead I’m sitting on my bed making a Supernatural podcast because it brings me joy. It does. It really makes me happy and I don’t want to abandon this project, because people are listening to it. I don’t know why, I don’t know what you like it about it, but you’re listening. And I just think I owe it to myself to make things that I support 100%. So I’ll continue this episode and hopefully this rambling hasn’t put you off it completely. But from now on, I’m going to really, really talk about things that matter in regards to Supernatural… Kind of an oxymoron. Kind of a contradiction. But things that contribute to the cultural consciousness instead of just rehashing the road so far. That’s all I want to do. I want to contribute. I want to say good…ful things. Okay this is making me happy. It’s already working, it’s already making me happy. I’m just going to keep rambling and laughing. Okay so, more thoughtful analysis, deeper analysis. Things that make you think. Things that make me think. Instead of just a bunch of words that mean nothing. Okay, continuing on.

Okay to figure out which episode this was I had to watch a little bit of season two, and I’m still on my season 13 rewatch. The difference between the two seasons. I don’t know if I can even put into words the growth this show has gone through, and the characters have gone through, over the last 15 years. It would be like summarising my own growth by combing through my extensive diary collection and the years of societally- and governmentally-enforced heterosexuality that has plagued my entire life. Those boys are babies in season two. The bootcut jeans alone. Sam is literally 23 years old. I don’t even talk to 23 year olds. I block them on social media.  

The Harvelles are a blip in the Winchester map. While the actors Samantha Ferris and Chad Lindberg did attempt to resuscitate their cultural currency months after the show ended by participating in an event — okay I can’t. I can’t even go into it. Like, clearly Samantha Ferris heard back from her representation as soon as she started posting those tweets and realised she wouldn’t continue to get money if she endorsed, well, the gays. And Chad Lindberg was just using the clout to push his Etsy wares like a 14th century merchant, so I gotta respect the hustle. But Jo and Ellen die in season 5 episode “Abandon All Hope” and are barely mentioned again except the episode Ash appears in, season 5 “Dark side of the moon,” Jo in season 7, “Defending Your Life,” and Ellen in the season 6 episode “My heart will go on.” They didn’t exactly leave what you would call a lasting impact for the next, you know, ten seasons. 

To be honest, I’m not sure when it’s revealed that Bobby’s wife died after being possessed by a demon. It’s made clear in season 5 “Dead Men Don’t Wear Plaid,” and I did not have to look that up, because season four and five are burned into my retinas like a particularly nasty sun flare. Bobby outlines the horrific way he killed his wife, because why not throw some spousal violence into the mix, and later in season 7 “Death’s Door,” it elaborates on their life together. I saw this sentiment expressed on TikTok, which we all know as the foundation of cultural knowledge, which was that fambilies don’t need to be two parents and children. Fambilies can be spouses or partners. You don’t need to have children in order to be a fambily. I think that’s a very nice sentiment and I’ve chosen to adopt it for these purposes. Bobby and his wife Karen are a fambily. While Karen wants kids, Bobby chooses not to have them for fear of becoming like his father and repeating the trauma he inflicted on Bobby. Bobby and Karen’s fambily dynamic is ruptured in the same way that John and Mary’s is—by an intrusive, demonic force that brings Bobby into the hunting world and ends Karen’s life. But by the time we see him at the end of season 1, Bobby is already ingratiated into Sam and Dean’s lives as their surrogate father, and this bond only deepens as the show progresses. Bobby expresses the sentiment to Dean to not be like John, that Dean is already a better man that his father ever was. Isn’t that what we all want to hear? That we have superseded our parents and outgrown them in ways they could never comprehend? Don’t we just want to be better than the generations that came before us, in order to mould a better world for the generations that come after us? Don’t we want to make things easier for our children, and our friends’ children, and our siblings’ children? Dean is a better man than John, and Bobby is better man than his father ever was. It’s about breaking the cycles of intergenerational trauma. I have to believe that Sam, Dean and Bobby did this, because then it’s possible for me to do the same thing. Include here that speech about representation in media that I didn’t bother writing for the last episode. Bobby is the surrogate father to Sam and Dean, a better father than John was, a better hunter even. He crafts an entire network of hunters who report to him, as seen in the season 6 episode “Weekend at Bobby’s,” and he continues to act as Sam and Dean’s mentor until his death in season 7 “How to win friends and influence monsters”. An alternate universe version of Bobby is introduced in season 13, which I have my reservations about, and he and Mary get together, which again, why. Season 13 is so hard to sit through. 

A fambily that is introduced late into the series and is simply NOT given enough screen time is the Banes fambily. In season 12, “Celebrating the life of Asa Fox,” we are introduced to the Banes twins, Max and Alicia, who are by far the most gorgeous hunters we’ve seen in the series. They are hunters raised by a witch, Tasha Banes, who doesn’t appear yet, and they manage to survive the trial by fire that is overcoming the demon Jael. Later in this season, in the episode “Twigs and Twane and Tasha Banes,” both of which are written by the late great Steve Yockey, we are introduced to Tasha in a way that seems awfully familiar: Alicia calls Sam to say their mother has gone missing on a hunt, and hasn’t checked in in a few days. By the end of the episode, Alicia and Tasha are dead, and Max has ostensibly sold his soul for the power to bring Alicia back. The Banes twins’ storyline directly parallels Sam and Dean’s from the pilot, but it’s a tragedy from the outset. We already know Tasha is dead and they can’t save her, however, like Dean does for Sam at the end of season 2, Max chooses to save Alicia at the expense of his own soul. Spin off when. Banes twins series when. I’m waiting. They were in two episodes and I’m still thinking about them. The Harvelles are dust. 

In season 7, “Reading is Fundamental,” a waifish 17 year old honour’s student Kevin Tran breaks into a rehabilitation facility to steal a tablet. This starts a chain of events that ingratiates Kevin Tran in the apocalyptic, death-succumbing world of the Winchesters, starting with Dick Roman, head leviathan, and continuing, but not culminating, with his death at the hands of Gadreel, who was possessing Sam, it’s a whole thing. Any time you attempt to summarise anything on Supernatural, you sound like a lunatic. And I say that as someone who has a supernatural podcast, with an audience of only supernatural fans. We are lunatics, but we’re lunatics together. Kevin’s arc was cut way too short, but we at least got to see him with his momma Linda in the beginnings of season 8 with the unfortunately named episode “What’s up, Tiger Mommy?” It introduces Linda Tran as a capable and worldly woman, hell bent on protecting her son. She offers up her soul among other things in exchange for Kevin and the tablet with him. During the episode, she is possessed by Crowley, and Dean attempts to kill him, which would mean killing Linda as well. Kevin considers this the ultimate betrayal and leaves with his mum. Later in season 9 episode “Captives,” Linda is reintroduced as a captive of Crowley, who escapes with Sam’s help. Back at the bunker, she reunites with Kevin, who is now, thanks to the Winchesters’ incompetence, a ghost 👻. My macbook keeps suggesting little emojis in the smart bar so I just gotta put ‘em in. That’s the last we see of Linda, so I’m drawing my own conclusions about whether she gets to live a long and happy life. Kevin is a fan favourite and despite my reservations about Osric Chau which I will not get into like ever I really like Kevin too. He outsmarts Crowley many times and shows remarkable tenacity to get an impossible job done. His desire to see his mum again, the driving force behind his actions, mirrors Dean’s desperation to have his fambily together again like they used to be. I would call this a parallel but I don’t believe they purposefully did this, I just think they accidentally rehashed the same tired storyline they’ve been peddling since 2005. But yeah, if I was Kevin and all I had was my mum, seeing her again would be the driving force for my actions as well. Kevin’s father is never mentioned, and it honestly isn’t a big deal, which is great. Sometimes fathers are just absent, and you don’t need throw a hissy fit about it or make it your entire personality, Dean.

Missouri Moseley, played by the inimitable Loretta Devine, is introduced in the first season, episode “Home,” in which she helps out on a case involving Sam and Dean’s childhood house. We find out that Missouri is a long-time friend of John’s and helped him to understand that supernatural forces were behind Mary’s death. She is Sam and Dean’s first point of entry into the world of the Supernatural, and they didn’t know it until they meet her in “Home”. In season 13 episode “Patience,” another layer to Missouri’s character is added with the advent of her family: estranged son James and granddaughter Patience Turner, who is also a psychic. We get a lot of backstory for Missouri in this episode, even if it is sloppily written and contradictory to the way they initially set her up. If Missouri and James had been travelling when he was a child, why was she stationed in Lawrence in both 1983 and 2005? What did he mean that Missouri was hunting? I can’t be bothered unpacking the confusing bits of information presented in this episode. It’s not a good episode and I really don’t see why everyone goes apeshit for Bobo Berens. He kills Missouri in this episode, in a really horrible way. Like the history of Supernatural’s racism and misogyny should not be dumped on one man, but nor should it be perpetuated and it is continually throughout the entire show. Confusing, contradictory and badly written backstory aside, she is an interesting character, and her willingness to sacrifice herself to save her family echoes that of Mary in “Home”. I’m actually really mad that Patience never gets to have a relationship with Missouri, and later in season 13 episode “The Bad Place,” Patience’s father tells her that if she leaves to help The Winchesters and uses her psychic abilities, she’s not welcome back in his house. To me that’s just unnecessary. We have a family that has already been ruptured by the death of Patience’s mother, further ruptured by Patience’s father cutting off contact with Missouri, and then to go a step further he disintegrates their family unit by kicking Patience out. Like how much loss do the Moseley-Turners have to endure? It’s really just cruel at this point. But Patience does find family with Jodie, Donna, Claire, Alex and eventually Kaia, and while I love the concept of found family and this found family in particular, it comes at the expense of biological family, which is something that the show has pushed from the very first episode. So that’s evolution in itself. Going from “fambily is the most important thing to these characters” to “found fambily is where we find love” is great, but ripping apart a biological fambily like the Moseley-Turners, and indeed starting the episode by saying Missouri has been shunted out of her son and granddaughter’s lives for trying to bring her son comfort, is just fucked. Like, I couldn’t name a single Bobo episode that I actually like without having to comb through them. I’m trying really hard not to shit all over him because as a writer I know how much that sucks and I know how hard is it for any marginalised writers to get a start, but I’m allowed to have my vendettas. 

If you’ve watched the “Runs In The Family” angels MV from 2010, and only if you’ve watched the “Runs In The Family” angels MV from 2010, you will understand just how jacked up the angel family really is. The angelic counterpoint to Sam and Dean are the archangels Lucifer and Michael. We are introduced to two different versions of Michael—one in season 5, who possesses their dad in 1979 and their brother Adam in 2010—my god that was literally over a decade ago—and Apocalypse World Michael, played by four different actors: Felisha Terrell, Christian Keyes, Jensen Ackles, and Ruth Connell, who plays Rowena. I don’t know what in the hell Jensen Ackles was doing performance-wise when playing Michael, but I consider it a federal crime akin to drug trafficking or money laundering. As for Christian Keyes playing Michael, Andrew Dabb, you know what you did and you’re going to have to live with that.  

In season 5, during the apocalypse, Michael and Lucifer only interact in the last episode, “Swan Song,” but the entire season is built around their conflict. Lucifer disobeyed their father, and Michael as God’s most powerful weapon must defeat him. It’s meant to mirror Sam’s descent into, uhhhh, badness or something, disobeying John to run away to Stanford, or, like, drinking demon blood? It’s unclear. Lucifer and Apocalypse World Michael interact in season 13, and Michael kills Lucifer only to take over Dean’s body and start a season-long arc of, like, bad acting and barely thought-out plots. I would say to Jensen Ackles “don’t quit your day job,” but this is literally his day job. 

The angels as they’re introduced in season 4 are warriors of god, and all they know is obedience and killing. Even Cas can’t break out of the cycle of killing his angel siblings, and often justifies it by saying that it’s for the greater good, that he needs to do it to take down a stronger force like Raphael or Metatron. Anna manages to break free of her family by falling and becoming human, but when Cas betrays her and the angels capture her, she is lobotomised, tortured and sent back out to kill Sam. Then she’s burned to a crisp by Michael possessing John, not the last time a woman would burn to death on this show. The angels are dysfunctional at best, and actively hostile to each other, especially Castiel, the infamous spanner in the works. I could write an entire academic paper about how the angels think of Castiel as this rebel slut who murdered his way to the top and is going to be the downfall of angel kind, but Dean thinks of him as this little nerdy guy with a harp he carries around in his back pocket. Which honestly Cas would love because he’s obsessed with Dean and wants to touch his butt. I don’t know what else I can say about the angels without turning this into a dissertation, so I’ll continue on.

While all seasons of the show are about family, season six is especially about matrilineal family. It introduces the concept of the mother of monsters—Eve—and focuses on Mary as a solution to the loneliness the characters feel after her death. Samuel Campbell, Mary’s father, is brought back to life and manipulated by the promise of seeing his daughter again. He asks Sam and Dean what they wouldn’t do to see Mary again, which is kind of the general thesis of the show. What wouldn’t John, Dean and Sam do for each other? Dean sells his soul. John makes a deal with the demon who killed Mary. Sam teams up with Ruby to kill Lilith in revenge, which begins as a suicide mission because he doesn’t know how to handle his grief for Dean. The difference is that Samuel betrays Sam and Dean, his own grandchildren, for the promise of seeing Mary again. This cardinal sin alienates him from being a good guy, because good guys never betray Sam and Dean. Sam and Dean are our protagonists! Our heroes! The bringers of the light! The knights in shining armour! The white on rice. The cherry in cherry pie. They are the ones we’re meant to align ourselves with, because it’s their story the narrative is telling. And anyone who doesn’t align themselves with the Winchesters is an enemy who needs to be defeated.   

We’re introduced to the character of Gwen in the first episode of season 6, “Exile on Main Street”, and she says in the episode “Family Matters” that Samuel, the patriarch, doesn’t like her very much because she reminds him of Mary. While Samuel, Christian, Gwen and co are technically family, Dean has no connection to them past bloodlines. And as I said before, while family doesn’t end in blood, we learn throughout this season that blood doesn’t always mean family. Gwen dies in the episode “And Then There Were None,” because of course she does, and Mary doesn’t come back, at least not in this season. 

In “Family Matters,” the alpha vampire, played by the irreplaceable Rick Worthy, mentions that “we all have our mothers,” referring to Eve, the mother of monsters, the one who spawned every other monster and who has been trapped in purgatory ever since. Eve is pulled from Purgatory to wage war against the hunters and Crowley because they have been preying on her first borns, the alphas. I love Eve. I love her. She’s my favourite villain after Metatron. Mainly because I think she is like… sexy as hell. Like wow I am just so attracted to Julia Maxwell and this, like, bored smokey affect thing she does where she barely moves her mouth when she speaks and her strong brow makes her seem so intimidating. I don’t know anything about her personally, but I feel like she would’ve bullied me in high school, and I’m into it. It’s really hard to judge just from this one role whether she’s a good actor because Eve has such limited range and few things to do, but I really wish she’d gotten more screen time. Yeah, she’s doing the bare minimum and I’m completely obsessed. But Eve isn’t just a monster, she’s literally THEE milf. The original milf. And I really think she should’ve stayed around, but since they kept Lisa alive they had to kill at least one high profile woman. 

Continuing with the family storylines in season 6, Dean tries to establish a family with Lisa and Ben, and for the most part succeeds. He gets a job, plays the role of the doting boyfriend and stepfather, and protects them as best he can. I’m going to spare you the rant perched at the tip of my tongue about how this is at best a lavender marriage or staying together for the kid, and that Lisa only exists to be an ideal for Dean, not an actual partner he can grow with throughout the rest of the show. It’s his first attempt at a fambily outside of Sam, Bobby and John, and it fails miserably because Lisa isn’t a good match. The fact is, she will never be able to fit into the hunting world because of the way the writers wrote her—as mother and girlfriend archetype, and we’ve seen how well they do with those—in fact they actively paralleled it in “Exile on Main Street” where they had Dean hallucinate Azazel coming back and pinning Lisa to the ceiling. It couldn’t be more obvious that they don’t respect her. At least they didn’t fridge her for Dean’s man pain. It’s honestly horrible because Dean put so much effort into believing this was his one chance at happiness, and when it crumbles like a tim tam in hot tea he beats himself up for it and uses it as an excuse to never be happy. 

He does seem to be happy for the most part with Lisa, but because Sera Gamble doesn’t know how to write interesting or complex female characters, when Sam reenters the picture it once again becomes about the original premise: two brothers on the road, fighting the forces of evil. There’s no room for any women in that sphere. Up until this point I think—correct me if I’m wrong—there has been one female hunter who survived, and she was in one episode. The hunter Tamara in season 3 “The Magnificent Seven,” whose husband died in maybe the most sadistic way anyone has died on this show. Don’t rewatch it, just google it. All women die, including Mary, their mother, who is brought back in season 12 and killed in season 14. AND FOR WHAT? For WHAT Andrew Dabb.

Often, the loss of a parent, child or significant other is used to excuse bad behaviour and terrible choices. The hunting life causes Mary’s whole family to die before she can escape it, and because she makes a deal with Azazel for John’s life, the same demon John makes a deal with, Azazel kills her anyway. John abused his kids and brought them into the hunting life, because he was obsessed with getting revenge for Mary’s death. Sam does the same thing when Jess dies in the first season, and it starts a 15-season long arc of pain and misery. He sets Lucifer free in the season four because he is obsessed with getting revenge for Dean’s death and obsessed with the power drinking demon blood gives him. Then again, Sam is actually right for saving people by exorcising demons, which is literally the first part of the family business motto,  instead of just gutting them with the demon knife, but because Dean doesn’t agree with it, it’s bad. Sam always wants to do the right thing, he just gets a little caught up in the details. But you know what? Bloodfreak rights. 

When Cas dies in season 13, Dean is so overcome with grief, a grief that echoes John and Sam’s, that he mistreats Jack and threatens to kill him. In season 14, Nick, Lucifer’s vessel, boo snore hiss, kills everyone involved with the murder of his wife and child before he finds out that it’s actually Lucifer’s doing, and then he tries to raise Lucifer from the empty because he’s addicted to killing? Whatever, stop employing Mark Pellegrino. Stop writing men as obsessed with getting revenge 

The biological fambilies in Supernatural suck shit. Honestly every time I watch an episode about fambily I’m even more glad I don’t talk to mine. Dean and Sam need to spend some time away from each other, while they’re both still alive. Their fambily dynamic gets better as the show progresses, and I was pleased to see in season 12 that they do away with the codependency, constantly sacrificing themselves for each other, isolating themselves, betraying everyone they know for each other—they started to act like, you know, normal people. And that’s good. Sure, the show would not be anywhere without John sacrificing himself for Dean, and Dean sacrificing himself for Sam, and honestly that’s what made those first few seasons amazing. But after a while it becomes lazy writing, not parallels. A parallel that Supernatural pulled off is Sam comforting Magda in season 12 episode “The Survivor” in the way he needed to be comforted in season 1 and 2 as a psychic child. A parallel is Dean preparing Cas’s body for cremation in season 13  in counterpoint to the way Cas remade Dean’s body in season 4. This show can absolutely do parallels, some of the most beautiful parallels ever put on screen, but the last season was such lazy writing that I cannot forgive it. 

This has been an overall negative episode of Holy Hell, and that sucks. I don’t want to be so negative. I want to talk about the good things that Supernatural did, and share in joy with you all, so now I’m going to talk about the only positive I see with fambily in the entire show. 

For Dean, everyone older than him is a parent to disappoint, and everyone younger than him is a little sibling to protect. Cas is the exception, as there’s no way to define Dean and Cas’s relationship without acknowledging the reciprocal romantic ways they care about each other. Dean says on multiple occasions that Cas is like a brother to him, and that he’s Sam and Dean’s best friend. He actually drops the line, “After Sam and Bobby, you are the closest thing I have to family,” on Cas in season 6, and he acts like it’s nothing, but you can see in the expression on Cas’s face that Dean just recontextualised the entirety of Cas’s being in one sentence. Cas falls for Dean, gives up his family for Dean, and decides to follow him in the first act of free will we see on screen. And Dean, who has never known love without pain, says to Cas, you are fambily to me, I actively choose you, you belong in my life. But to belong in Dean’s life is to follow his plan, and when Cas doesn’t, he is punished for his hubris. Dean loves him, and he never even admits it.

Charlie becomes like a little sister to Dean, as does Jo. Jack is unequivocally Cas’s son, but becomes something of Dean’s son as well and some would argue Sam’s son. Claire becomes Cas’s daughter, but imprints so much on Dean that many, myself included, have come to consider Dean her father as well. If you subscribe to the idea that Dean and Cas are old marrieds, Dean would be Claire and Jack’s stepfather, and they would be a nuclear fambily all on their own. In season 14 “Lebanon,” when John says to Dean that he thought Dean would have settled down with a fambily, Dean says, “I have a fambily.” Just thinking about it gives me goosebumps.

Cas chooses to be a part of Claire’s life in season 10 “The Things We Left Behind” because he feels guilty about what happened to her after he possessed Jimmy, but after getting to know Claire he cares for her. The crime that is Claire and Cas not interacting after season 10, my god. That’s his daughter, you ghouls. But Claire and Dean do get more moments together. Dean, Sam and some British guy save Claire from turning into a werewolf, and Claire and the rest of the Wayward Sisters save Sam and Dean from the Bad Place. The Wayward Sisters are a found fambily all on their own, and since I could devote an entire episode to Jody’s little brood, I have chosen not to talk about them much, because this episode is at least half an hour, 34 minutes, and it would take up too much of my time. Claire is one of my favourite characters and I’ll be talking about her in the next ep, so stay tuned for that. 

Even before Jack is born, Cas becomes his protector. He goes from trying to convince Kelly to end her and Jack’s life, to being her pseudo-husband and the surrogate father to her child. To me personally, it’s the best thing this show has ever done. Cas, Kelly and Jack love each other in a way that is so wholly uncomplicated, that is so pure and so good. Once Cas becomes Jack’s protector, there’s never any question of whether they would hurt or betray each other. He is Cas’s son, his baby boy, and he loves Cas so much that he resurrects Cas from the empty. When they meet for the first time in season 13 “Tombstone” after Cas comes back, they fit into each other’s lives so easily. This is the part in writing this where I was absolutely sobbing my dick off. There are so many moments between them that show the kind of love that each of these characters deserved. Sam and Dean deserve to have that love from their father, and so does Cas. And together they build a family unit around caring for Jack that does indeed end the intergenerational trauma that plagues the Winchester fambily.

And that’s why season 16 is so important to me. I can make things better. Dean sorts his shit out, all of his shit: his alcoholism, depression, ADHD, borderline personality disorder, suicidal ideation, sexuality, gender, the fact that Cas is literally the love of his life and he gets to save him from the Empty the way Cas saved him from Hell. They plant flowers in the field where Dean spread Cas’s ashes in season 13, and they get married at Jody’s cabin with all their loved ones left alive. Claire walks Cas down the aisle and Jack is the flower girl, because he’s literally a three year old baby. Sam and Eileen raise a bunch of rugrats and the Wayward fambily continue the hunting legacy and have a Sunday afternoon roast every week. Dean and Cas raise Jack right, they cut up oranges for soccer practice and watch all his school plays. He and his cousins grow up knowing what it’s like not only to be loved, but to be looked after, to have all their needs met. They grow up normal, and the trauma that plagued their family is a thing of the past. It’s good, you know? It’s just fucking good.

[inevitably-johnlocked]

Weird q..but i really dont understand why most fans hate season 4, especially the last episode. Why? I think it gave us a deeper look on both sherlock and mycroft! I felt it tells a lot about mycroft how he had to step in and take control of things ever since he was a kid himself. Also he is not a robot or a killer. Also redbeard thing. It was an appropriate deep psychological trauma (cause most shows usually disappoint in that area). I am not trying to impose my opinion. Just want to understand

Hey Nonny!

It’s all good, and I totally respect your opinion and how you enjoyed S4! It’s totally okay! I know that there are quite a few who got a lot of of S4, and who genuinely enjoyed it.

Sadly, I am not one of those people, and I’ll try to be as diplomatic a possible in my response, but PLEASE know that I don’t think you’re “terrible” or “stupid” for liking S4 because I DO get passionate sometimes in my responses, and I’m just merely speaking as someone who studied the series very closely for quite a long time before S4 aired, and as someone who knows Day-One-ers (ie., people who watched Sherlock on its day one airdate) who also are a large majority of the people who did not like S4. This is just me simply stating why I didn’t like it, but it’s different for everyone.

Stating what I DO like: The acting and cinematography of the first two episodes were brilliant for what they had to work with, and I’ve never faulted any of the actors for the flaws of S4. And for TFP, they did the best with what they had to work with.

That’s… pretty much all I really liked about S4.

Now, here’s my problems with S4:

Nothing made a LICK of sense to the narrative that they were telling in Seasons prior. 

This series was always based a bit in reality, and suddenly everything became comic-book rules: X-Men villains, shitty “redemption” arc, destroying favourite characters just for drama, ludicrous physics, explosions that only destroyed one small room in an apt where in previous episodes one explosion destroyed an entire block, etc.

Sherlock was OOC.

Mary was being built up to be a fantastic villain? Ah, nope, here’s the lacklustre twist where tee hee Mary’s just an assassin with a heart of gold that still emotionally abuses Sherlock and John and just won’t fucking stay dead.

And speaking of this, the DVD’s make NO LOGICAL SENSE unless she was planning to kill herself

AND she tries to make her death equatable to Sherlock’s??

Everyone was RIDICULOUSLY out of character in TFP, I’m so sorry: Mycroft is a bumbling coward for the most part, Sherlock disregards John when he gives the Vatican Cameos warning, the Holmes Parents are assholes because Mycroft COULDN’T SOLVE A PROBLEM WHEN HE WAS 12?? ARE YOU SERIOUS???? And that creepy Moriarty / Eurus thing, and LITERALLY they’re implying that EVERYTHING HAPPENED BECAUSE EURUS DIDN’T GET A HUG. Like, I’m so sorry, but that’s lazy writing.

And don’t even get me started on the ridiculousness of the entire character of Eurus. She LITERALLY had X-Men powers, and like… just nothing made sense. Her involvement in the entirety of S4 MADE NO SENSE. Why go back to prison if you can get out?? WHAT IS THE POINT?? AND I repeat: She did all this because she didn’t get a hug. Yes. I’m oversimplifying, but at the base level, that’s what it was, because she wanted Sherlock’s attention. Welcome to the club, kid, stand in line, everyone on the SHOW wants his attention.

The ENTIRE plot of the first 2 seasons got wiped out all because it wasn’t Moriarty who was interested in Sherlock, but Eurus?? What… What about Carl Powers?? Like…. the ENTIRETY of season one and TGG makes no sense now, because of that one 5 minute scene where Eurus “enlists” Moriarty. I… ugh.

The SUDDEN tonal switch from kind-of Sherlock to James Bond, for some fucking reason.

And on that note, how terribly lazy and cheap TFP looks in comparison to the other two episodes. The whole episode looks like it was filmed in a small house with 4 identical rooms.

EVERYTHING that was etablished in 2 episodes prior were COMPLETELY forgotten when Mary was “shot”.

The complete character assassination of one loyal blogger John H Watson in favour of Mary for some fucked up reason, even though AT HIS OWN WEDDING HE COULDN’T STAND BEING AROUND MARY. I’m sorry, but I don’t believe for one damned second that John would EVER forgive Mary for murdering his best friend after seeing what it did to him. That’s not love from her, and that’s NOT John’s character EVER in the ENTIRETY of the series.

And speaking of character assassinations, Molly’s character being devolved to S1E1 Molly, where instead of giving her agency like they were doing with her the ENTIRE series, so much so that Sherlock picked up on her dominance enough to give her a big role in his mind palace in HLV and TAB, only to make her a sad little self-insert Mary Sue pining for the main character, and in turn made Sherlock a TERRIBLE human being for MAKING HER say what she did. It’s gross.

AND speaking of Molly’s character, they’ve been setting up Mollstrade since as early as ASiB, but I guess that plot line got shafted. Look I LOVE Hopkins, and I am ANGRY they didn’t give her more than 3 fucking lines in the entirety of ONE episode after HEAVILY promoting her actress and character, but they essentially reduced her to a piece of ass for Lestrade to chase. AND THAT’S NOT HIS CHARACTER EITHER. EW GROSS.

The constant plot holes being gaped wide open, and the Chekov’s gun moments where they bring up shit but do nothing with it!! 

TD-12? Nope, just a lame reference to a story we like. 

John got shot at the end of TLD with a VERY REAL FUCKING GUN? Nope, it was a dart gun. 

John not suddenly knowing how to be a doctor.

The TGG one I mentioned up above. 

What was in the letter? And who was Anyone??

Moriarty essentially being erased as anything other than a hired thug and had no part whatsoever in Sherlock’s history. 

Eurus… Just all of her character is asinine. 

Everyone in T6T suddenly not knowing John’s the blogger, which is in direct contradiction to literally the entire series. 

The AGRA plotline was ridiculous, in the end.

Baby? What baby? It was only there when convenient.

They dropped whatever plotline they were going to do for Mycroft: He was being set up as either dying, or the villain.

Redbeard. I’m sorry, I disagree with you on that. Mofftiss is trying to tell me that a little boy fell down a well and went missing, and that WASN’T the first place searchers / the police wouldn’t have looked? Sorry, no. And then. AND THEN his parents just… go along with this thing where Sherlock shuts down and they DON’T get him therapy? Yes, I agree the mind is a funny thing, and we can be traumatised into forgetting or dissociating from traumatic events. I GET IT. But… like I don’t believe the Holmes are so heartless as to just never grieve or have memories around about their supposedly dead daughter. It’s another OCC thing for me.

John’s cheating.

Disappearing and reappearing characters, like this scene, and the entirety of the aquarium scene.

Mary and John being terrible parents

OH GOD THIS FUCKING SCENE. That bomb SHOULD HAVE DESTROYED THE ENTIRE BUILDING.

What… who was this girl on the plane? What? Like I know WHO, but if she’s supposed to be Eurus talking to Sherlock, why don’t we see Eurus… talking to Sherlock? I … Ugh.

NORBURY. 

The glass SUPER SECRET GOVERNMENT ROOM THAT NO ONE SHOULD SEE INTO in T6T.

Sloppy camera work that some believe was intentional, but if it wasn’t, jesus c’mon.

The RIDICULOUS amount of 4th Wall Breaking. Like… even the actors didn’t give a shit.

Essentially, everything on this list here and in this blog tag here.

And everything mentioned on these three posts:

T6T: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night 

TLD: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night

TFP: 10 Revealing Things That Haunt You Late at Night

There’s SO much more I can go into, but please go through my “something’s fucky” tag in that last link.

Notice how probably 90% of that has NOTHING to do with “johnlock not becoming canon” because the Johnlockers get MONSTROUS accusations as to THAT being why we didn’t like S4, even though it was, like critically panned by the GENERAL AUDIENCE who have NO investment in the series other than “I liked it in the past”.

Two of my fave YouTubers have interesting (not perfect, but still good) takes coming at the series as casual viewers:

‘The Day Sherlock Died’ by The Closer Look

‘Sherlock is Garbage, and Here’s Why’ by hbomberguy

So it’s NOT just Johnlockers. I’ve talked to Sher1011ies at 221B con who didn’t like S4 either, because most of them realized how shitty Molly was treated in the last episode. So yeah, a big middle finger to those who think I dislike S4 because of  “no Johnlock”. No, I disliked it because I need my stories to make logical narrative sense. I disliked it because I love John and they ruined his character all for the sake of drama and because Moffat has a “hurting Ben” kink. I disliked it because Mary should NOT have been “redeemed” because she was an abuser. I disliked it because Moriarty was turned into a cartoon villain, even though he was already overused in the series. I disliked it because the core of the show – the FRIENDSHIP of Sherlock and John, and their solving mysteries together – did not exist at all. I disliked it because John got sidelined. I disliked it because TFP was a ridiculous episode that, if you replace ANY of the characters, it wouldn’t make a difference, because it didn’t feel like an episode of Sherlock. I disliked it because everyone was OOC.

Anyway. Sorry. One too many accusations my way over the past 1100+ days LOL.

As for your assessment of TFP, I’m going to have to respectfully disagree with you. There was no growth and actually it implies something far more sinister: That the Holmes are and were terrible parents that gave no shits about their daughter, their traumatized son, and expected their eldest to essentially be a parent. It implies that Mycroft, at 12 years old, orchestrated the ENTIRE Sherrinford thing… Look I can suspend my disbelief, but there’s limits, and this is one of them. A LITERAL CHILD. Perhaps Uncle Rudy had a hand in it somehow, but then why not shit on Uncle Rudy? Why is Mycroft blamed for it all?

Look, I don’t doubt Sherlock had a traumatic experience regarding “Redbeard”. But then why play into the fact that he was a dog? Why bring another character into the series just to have a gotcha moment? Because Mofftiss wanted a “Shyamalan twist”, that’s why. They threw EVERYTHING away for a twist ending either because they GENUINELY thought it was good, or they got tired of doing Sherlock. ALL of TFP is LITERALLY a really bad plot twist because reasons. TFP makes no sense to the ENTIRE narrative structure of the previous 12 episodes. It erased EVERYTHING from the previous episodes, and coated it with a gross closing by a character no one wanted in the series, and then tried to convince us that it’s a new beginning – “a journey they had to go through” – but it SOLVED NOTHING.

Anyway. I have big feels about S4, and the only way I can enjoy it is to watch it subtextually, but even then, I cannot sit through TFP without cringing. 

That said, Lovelies, please do not attack Nonny for enjoying S4! I know you guys won’t, but Nonny came out with an olive branch and they just want to understand why the fandom is passionate about S4′s… whatever it was. We can have a civil discussion about it, and point out – without attacking – why S4 is universally panned. It’s okay to like things no one else does, and Nonny was respectful to me in this ask! 

So with that, feel free, lovelies, to express why YOU didn’t enjoy the series, or why you did! I’m interested in both “sides” / pov’s whatever :)

[leonawriter]

On Writing Fankids

Writing this because I now have two different fankids for the same pairing, in vastly different ways, and they’re very different people. So.

I don’t know how many points I’m going to make, and I don’t know how useful this is going to be, since Disclaimer: I’m not an expert on real children or medical practices, but I am trying to put effort in.

Most of this is composed of questions, because I don’t know who your fankid (or, OC-fankid) is, and the point is to make you think rather than just put ideas into your head by telling you what’s right and what’s wrong.

1 - How did they come to exist?

This is the FIRST question you should be asking when coming up with a fankid. What they look like and how cute they are is all well and good, but when you’re thinking of actually writing a story, that won’t help you.

If the parents are a cis male and cis female couple, then it’s easy to assume how they had a kid. That said, that’s not always necessarily the case, as some people may be infertile, or may simply choose to adopt. However, the answer to this becomes more complicated when fans get to wanting to give a gay couple children, as this usually means they want to give them biological children.

In the event of pairings where the parents are canonically not reproductively compatible (which includes gay, lesbian, nonbinary, and so on) there are still options, which include: a trans parent, which involves being able to write a trans person and not just overlooking how this would change their story; surrogacy, in which someone else carries the child to term for those who can’t, and the related idea of a sperm donor. 

In going into other biological options, there’s also the question of “how believable and realistic do you want this to be? how scientific? how much fantasy or sci-fi do you want here?” and if the answer is “I have fantasy and/or sci-fi in my setting” then you can use that.

That said, please don’t rule out the possibility of adoption. Adoption is the most common way for queer parents in the real world to get kids, and just because a kid isn’t biological doesn’t make them any less their parent’s child. Even/especially in a fantasy setting! And knowing if a kid was adopted, that’ll extend into how they see themself, as well as who the parent is and why they chose to adopt.

Related to that, if a kid is adopted, how aware of that are they? How were they adopted? Are they a canon character that was adopted, or an entirely new character? If they were too young to remember the adoption, how do their parents (or parent, if there was only one person adopting them) explain? If they were old enough, how do they see the person who took them in? How do they see their adopted siblings, if any exist, or any future siblings? What about any prospective additional parents, if they originally only had one, or if their parent/s is/are polyamorous? 

2 - How good are their parents at parenting?

Yes, you want your favourite pairing to be great parents, but no matter what people are going to have their own idiosyncrasies. How do the parents deal when the kid throws a tantrum? 

What if the child shows signs of being neurodivergent, are the parents any good at spotting those signs, and whether they are or not, how do they handle the difference from what they might have been expecting?

My advice here is to pay attention to the pairing in their normal canon and how they deal with situations and also how they handle children in canon, as well as then going to further sources that show what parenting is really like. Your fankid is going to be a baby, they’re going to be a screaming toddler, they’re going to have a personality and wants and they’re going to frustrate their parents a lot. If you want to put the effort in to write the family well, ask someone you know who has kids, even.

3 - What are their circumstances during their childhood?

The fun one about this is that depending on the context the child was created in, the answer can be different for children of the same pairing! 

In my case, I have Satoko and Fumiya. Satoko’s childhood (outside of her parents’ control) was traumatising, and left her as a quiet kid, despite how much she’s shown love later on. Fumiya, on the other hand, grows up in a loving environment from the start, and because of that he’s much more comfortable and confident, despite everything else that happens and so on.

This is where the child starts to develop their own personality. Think about how in the real world, children are shaped by their surroundings and the way that they grow up. Does your fankid learn that they can trust the people around them? How much attention are they given? Is that attention positive, negative, stifling? Do they feel neglected, or coddled? How easy is it for them to find food, or their favourite food? Are they surrounded by children of their own age, or mostly living around adults? Is their living situation, no matter whether their parents love them and take care of them or not, a dangerous one, and how aware of that are they?

Also important is the question of whether they even have both of their parents, or either of them. Maybe the situation here is complicated. Maybe they’re an orphan (sorry, parent pairing). Maybe they’re separated from their family, and they have to fend for themself. Maybe their parents are separated for any given reason. 

Any one of these things is also going to affect their mindset while growing up from being a baby through being a toddler, a pre-teen, and a teenager. If you want them to feel like a fully rounded out person, you have to think of them as such.

4 - What do they look like?

I’m well aware that this is the first thing that most people go with when creating fankids. I’m just saying that it’s not the most important thing you should be thinking of. 

Making a fankid shouldn’t be a mix-and-match game when you’re making biological kids. When you’re coming up with an adopted kid even less so. They aren’t a paper doll. Some children may look like a mix between their parents, while others will take on attributes from previous generations... although when looking at fictional characters you don’t own the IP of, assuming what genes a fankid’s grandparent might have passed on gets tricky. For this I’m focusing mostly on biological kids, but it should help for adopted as well in some parts.

One good rule of thumb here is to look at how genes actually work.

If nothing else, a simple starting idea would be to look at the general population and say “what is the most common eye colour here” and “what is the most common hair colour” and if your fankid is from that area, that’s probably the most dominant gene, over others.

When creating my own fankids mentioned above, my idea went that blue is an eye colour that tends to be dominant, and red hair tends to come through even just by making dark hair lighter. 

That said, hair and eye colour aren’t all you should be thinking about!

Other things that should be thinking about are: how tall are they? what shape are their eyes? Does the structure of their face take more after one parent than the other, no matter their eye/hair colour? Do they have any markings on their body (moles, birthmarks, etc), and if so are they shared with other family members? Are their features they share with family members who aren’t their parents (i.e, a sister, an uncle, a great-grandparent)? 

As they grow up, do they get taller or stay shorter than their parents? In terms of their body, do they become muscular, or not, and if so, why? Do they become fat, or thin? 

Does their health impact on the way that their body looks? This can mean both disability in terms of walking around with a cane, using a wheelchair, or any number of other things.

Do they change their body in any way? Do they choose to add tattoos, or is something done to them in some other way? Do they have any scars? Would they want to share those scars with other people, or would they choose to hide them away?

5 - How canon affects them, and how they affect canon.

Whether or not your fankid grows up before, during, or after canon events makes a difference. If it’s “before/during” then you’re going to have to think of the consequences of that on both them and their parents, but also everyone else. This isn’t just “add in a kid, aren’t they cute” this is an entire new character, with the capability to become a loose cannon and change canon events.

Things can change. That’s something you’ve got to think about, and accept, the moment you want to add this new character into things. Are you willing to change things, and if so, how far?

The kinds of changes can generally be divided into two categories: internal, and external.

Internal changes are the ways that the characters change mentally and emotionally in response to a child (their child, even) being present. In one of my stories, I change very little on an external level, but the focus is on the internal side of things, as the father of this child faces the idea that he might have lost his son, and how that makes him feel when going into a dangerous situation he may not come back from. Other characters might not see any difference, but the internal conflict is there.

External changes are the big ones, where the child being present - and, by extension, the child’s backstory and its knock-on effects - affect the present, and cause things to change in visible ways. This can mean anything from “the pairing’s child has wandered into a dangerous area filled with plot, and needs to be rescued” to “the plot has found the child” or even just “the parents have relationship issues to sort out, and that changes the plot.”

Things to think of here are - aside from “how old is this kid” as you might have come up with a kid that by this point is an adult as far as I know - how active is this kid? Are they happy to stay put and not affect things, or dot hey have insatiable curiosity and the need to do something? Do they stumble into the plot without being aware of it, do they go seek it out, or does it find them? How much danger does this put them in? If it does put them in danger, how do they deal with that, and how do their parents (or single parent) deal with that? If no danger at all, do they have fun, or are they stressed?

6 - Interactions with the rest of the cast.

Honestly, my main point here is, not everyone is going to react to a kid the same way. Just because they’re cute doesn’t mean everyone’s going to like them! And no, that doesn’t mean they’re evil. And sometimes, even the “evil” characters might handle kids better than some “good” characters. In fact, some “good” characters might do so badly with kids that they make them cry, and that doesn’t make them any less “good.” It just makes them bad at handling kids.

Otherwise, how does the kid fare with the other members of the cast, in general and specifically?

Is there anyone that they like in particular? If so, why? Did that person look nice, did they give them their favourite food? Did they do something special? What did they do to become friends?

Likewise, is there anyone they dislike in particular? What did they do to deserve that? Were they mean on purpose, or did they become disliked by means of an accident or miscommunication? Is it that this person raises their voice and the kid doesn’t like raised voices, or they don’t talk loudly enough?

Depending on the situation with the child’s parents, they might prefer people who are positive toward their parents, or who are negative toward their parents. Because let’s not forget those who don’t like being compared, and those who have parents who aren’t any good. For instance, is the child’s parent a villain in their setting? Are they thought of as a villain? Are they a criminal, or on the side of the law, and regardless of which that is, does the child agree with them, and how does that affect their relationships with others who agree or disagree with that parent?

If your fankid, for example, was mistreated by a certain set of people when they were younger, then how does that relate to later on in life, or the canon cast? My Satoko’s backstory involves medical abuse, which makes her wary of doctors scientists, and things that would remind her (even subconsciously) of that setting. Two of the characters in the cast are medically trained. Her interactions with them are going to be affected by that, even if she grows to like and trust them.

In conclusion: a fan kid can be a fun five minute thing, but if you only put five minutes’ thought into their design, their backstory, and their personality, then you’re only going to get the same view of them as a sketch compared to the time it takes to fully line and colour a work of art. 

If you want to write them, or create a full comic with them, you have to ask yourself questions about who they are, and also who you want them to be. If you want them to be a fully rounded person, then you have to put the time into it. And, really, that if this kid starts acting in ways you don’t expect, but that work, just... listen to that.

[semper-legens]

52. Dogchild, by Kevin Brooks

Owned: No, library Page count: 471 My summary: Jeet is one of a small group of people - the last survivors of a dead world. He is a dogchild, raised for his first few years by wild dogs, and still has a trace of wildness in his heart. He wants to survive. He wants to fight. But as his people get ready for their last battle, he makes some strange discoveries. How far will he go, in order to survive? My rating: 3/5 My commentary:

Another one from the library grab bag, and a pretty decent little YA dystopia. I’m not sure if it’s one I would have picked up on my own, but I’m not sad I read it. While I did have a few issues with its language and style, I still really enjoyed it as a whole, and I’m not sorry that I read it.

The main character is Jeet, a teenager who was raised by dogs and who starts to see the rot at the top of his society. He’s a decent person - initially loyal to his people, but starting to drift when he sees that the sheriff’s definitely in league with their enemies and responsible for some really bad shit. He makes for a good narrator, and his unique POV carries the story even when it strayed into being a bit obvious. Yes, the wise old mentor gets offed midway through the book. Hands up who didn’t see that coming. Jeet, however, is in this liminal space between humanity and the animals, and his dual nature of both dog and person feeds into his narration and perspective.

Chola Se is the secondary character, a girl who is kidnapped early on and given to the enemy group. She escapes thanks to Jeet, and they engage in a weird relationship - their feelings are hard for both of them to work out, as both are dogchildren, but they get each other on a level that the other human-raised humans don’t seem to understand. She’s deeply traumatised, and her journey is of understanding and dealing with her trauma, both through revenge on the perpetrator and through compartmentalising her identity, splitting the Chola Se that the trauma happened to from the Chola Se she is now. Her story is interesting, and provides a good contrast for the comparatively less violent Jeet.

There is one thing I couldn’t get over in this one, which is the weirdness with the style. See, Jeet’s one of a few literate people in this world, and his spelling and punctuation is choppy, reflecting the lack of reading and writing in this dystopian world. And yet Jeet has an amazingly large vocabulary for a semi-literate dogchild. It feels like Brooks wanted to have his narrative cake and eat it too - he wanted to have his narrator be this barely literate post-apocalyptic teen, but also have pretty descriptions of things. He should have stuck to one or the other, because these two things don’t mesh well for me.

Other than that, though, I really enjoyed the world and the worldbuilding here. It’s made clear early on that Jeet only really knows the lore around his world as it relates to what’s relevant to him, and that a lot of knowledge from the world that was has been lost. Jeet describes the key things to us, but it really amounts to his people and the folks they’re fighting, plus the wasteland where the feral dogs run. There’s a lot of gaps being left, and I like that! Jeet has no reason to know anything more than that, and it’s not relevant to the story, so we don’t get to know it either.

That’s all here, folks - next up, some 70s dystopia, and a strange house...

[why-this-kolaveri-machi]

spn 15.13

and so begins my quest to catch up with this show! let’s do this.

SPOILERS for the episode.

1. god that episode was unbearable. truly, wholly, terrible. it took me two hours to watch it. every choice it made with its narrative was the least interesting one. it had less meat than the two slices of plain bread that jack tried to pass off as a sandwich early in the episode. every one of its even vaguely interesting beats fizzled out like a balloon filled with more spittle than air. it had more characters on screen than personality. 

i can’t---i can’t believe this was supposed to have been ruby’s final appearance on the show--my queen, you deserved so much better--

1.26. okay! okay! *slaps self* i’ve gotten a hold of myself. about ten minutes into the episode, i thought, huh. over-stuffed plot, awkward pacing, and excruciatingly stilted dialogue. is this a buckleming episode? and lo and behold! it is!

1.5. to start with the least of my grievances, the idea of alt!universe samndeans dimension-hopping into the main one was introduced in a subdued, very anti-climactic way? it was a c-plot, or maybe even a d-plot in the episode. don’t get me wrong, huntercorp!samndean are a lot of fun, but it felt like their presence made a very superficial point if it set out to make a point at all, and was there more to make some very specific injokes. it’s kind of what i was talking about in my review of 15.10: it’s one thing leaving by winking at a loyal audience and quite another undermining the weight of your characters’ legacies in order to do so. huntercorp!samndean were a tumblr shitpost, not people.

the contrasts that huntercorp!samndean (god i need to come up with a better shorthand) bring up between themselves and samndean are... interesting, but it does seem like spn wants to have its cake and eat it too. samndean are blue collar heroes who live a simple life drinking beer and hunting monsters, answering to no-one... but they are also the sole legacies of a centuries-old elitist institution, privileged with access to an almost unbelievable wealth of information and resources that they have rather selfishly hogged all to themselves. they are literally the two most important people in the entire multiverse. MAKE UP YOUR MIND, SHOW

2. it was genuinely funny, though, to see the casualness with which they did things like ‘go to hell’ and ‘nearly die’. oh *yawn* put the kettle on dear, i’ll just pop down to hell and be back in a jiffy for a cuppa--

(meanwhile i’m just flashing back to how traumatising it was to see a demon exorcism for the first time in the s1 finale. how far we’ve come!)

3. it was wonderful to see ruby again, though the way the episode trampled all over her legacy was fucking painful. she’s just ‘the demon chick that sam had sex with’. that’s it. nothing about her being a master manipulator, her devotion to lucifer, or rather, lucifer’s cause, the thorny, complicated push-pull of her relationship with sam, any comment on what she thinks of the world that, in a way, she helped shape. instead, she gets scenes with two characters who have little to no history with her: castiel and anael, and a backstory about being some sort of demon hustler? and did she really give up the location of the occultum without making sure castiel holds up his end of the deal first?? ruby????

(it’s interesting how the show has gradually adopted dean’s degrading framing of ruby as just the person sam had sex with--even the whole thing about addicting him to demon blood has been dropped, it’s a real twofer: diminishing the significance of sam’s time away from dean and the significance of ruby’s role in shaping that growth, but keeping juuust enough of a scandal there--she’s a demon chick!--that sam is always reminded that he was, and still has the potential to be, a Deviant.)

4. this whole soullessness lark is just a bunch of gaslighting. jack without his “soul” seemed perfectly kind and empathetic and full of feeling. jack with his soul is all of that, but expressing it in a way that’s Winchester approved and also begging dean for forgiveness. that’s just fucked up. the broader implications of the inability to express your emotions in a way that’s societally approved being a sign of deficiency and deviance at your most fundamental level that needs healing and redemption is just... yikes.

5. i can’t believe that pizza montage in the beginning was to set up the two minutes we got of meg trying to torture cas in the empty. like. ??????????

6. will buckleming ever write an episode that’s not just people standing around reciting exposition at each other? i hope we never get another chance to find out.

7. i’m sorry this review reads so negative and somewhat incoherent. (i really should’ve jumped in at 15.14, but i wanted to see ruby, so.) i’m too buzzed and irritated to watch any more tonight--so i will be back tomorrow! hopefully with a more thoughtful, considered review!

[smolbeandrabbles]

Cheers To That - Detective Meares x Reader (Needle)

@happyskywhale @wltz-bby�� #MendoTagSquad.

GIF CREDIT: X

Author’s Note: I’m not even sorry. Haha! Here is a literally 5 minute fic! @mendelskrull​ deserves the credit for this one. 😊

He’s the 31st Mendo! 🎉 But our 30th x Reader. So that makes me more comfortable. Side Note: That is in order of writing, I got three other bois chillin’ in my drafts...

Don’t expect much more out of this film, I just had to get this out of my system! 😁

Disclaimer: Needle characters not mine / he’s in like 2 minutes of movie so I did my best-! 😂

Premise: If there was one thing you loved about dating him, it was how easy he was to tease...

Words: 550

Warnings: Swearing

___ My cup is already half full It's the taste that I'm feeling No milk and two sugar if that's cool Can't sleep when it's late But that ain't me complaining And nobody can keep it like you So good, I can taste it But you're gone, I crave it Nobody can make it like you By the time you're leaving I'm begging you to stay And if you leave, I'd only get it in your way You can keep me needing Even when I am awake But the coffee never tastes the same ---

You knew he was coming before you even saw his face. A lot of slamming down the corridor and cursing. Yeah, that summed up your partner alright. Partner romantically of course; you weren’t sure you could deal with him on the job too.

“Fuckin’ kids-!” He entered the room, immediately kicking the bin. Meares looked a little flustered today, hair messed up, tie a little slacked, blue eyes burning in constant annoyance, hot temper flared. You raised an eyebrow; “Didn’t realise that just because you were investigating college kids meant you had to behave like one?” “Haha.” He wasn’t in the mood “Oh my god, they think they know everything just cuz they’re out there getting an education! Like we didn’t work for this-!!” Some of us harder than others you thought, but casually sipped your coffee. “I take it you’re the one who was traumatising our new photographer?” He scoffed, though blush rose in his already red cheeks “I did nothing of the sort-!” “Sure you didn’t. Given your level of maturity-!” “He needs to learn somehow!” “I’m sure he’s so grateful. Just like the integrity of the crime scene is-! Just think, you might have it solved by now if that hadn’t have happened-!” “Oh-! Shut up!” You loved teasing him; it only made him angrier and his face redder - but damn if he wasn’t half cute when he looked that way. “Gladly, if you come over here and make me.” He jabbed his finger at you, “Now who’s being unprofessional-!” You tipped your head with a look; Pot calling the Kettle and all that...

You both swivelled your heads as the phone began to ring. Meares folded his arms, leaning against his own desk; “That one is your fucking responsibility.” You smirked and turned back to him, “Why? Scared you’ll ruin this crime scene too!?” “Fuck off!” “Oh, honey, make me.” You slid off your desk and crossed to the phone, narrowly dodging the screwed-up paper he’d thrown. Man child! You answered professionally, and before long had all the details “Looks like I’m heading out, as your generosity knows no bounds...” You smiled sweetly, gathering your things and noticing he’d already poached your cup of coffee, raising it to you in cheers. “Try not to have a fit whilst I’m gone, detective.” But Meares pouted, making you pause at the door, “What?” “Don’t I even get a goodbye kiss?” You sighed in frustration, crossing back to him. He grinned triumphantly and accepted a short, sweet kiss from you, “Good luck at your crime scene.” “Mhm, good luck with your teenagers-!” Pink dusted his face again; “Aw. I’m gonna need more than that.” You ran your fingers through his hair, “Any particular reason why this is such a mess today?” He swatted your hand away “SHUTUP!” “Enjoy my coffee.” You breathed, grazing your lips to his. Meares tried to pull you back but you weren’t having it – you knew what he wanted, you had a job to do. “I wish I was tasting you instead.” He received only an unimpressed eye roll. Yet you still gave him a wink at the door, “You got this babe!” Then you waved, “See you later, back at home-!” “Can’t wait-!” He yelled after you and you laughed. Yeah, you could bet. ---

Thanks for reading this super short drabble-! I hope you enjoyed none the less-! 💜😊

[marvelouslyalwaysme]

Alright so I just finished utopia falls on Hulu and I just really quick wanted to rant and ramble about all the characters and my overall opinion of the show before I see what Tumblr has to say about it, so this this is going to be messy and long (buckle in) you've been warned (MAJOR SPOILERS BTW, DUH)

THE REALATIONSHIPS:

just real quick, Sage and Brooklyn were very cute and I'm so happy they worked things out in the end, they had me nervous for a bit there. Aliyahs and bohdis realationship I actually liked more than I thought I was going to and yes I did cry about them at one point

MAGS: I got to say I think he is my favorite character in the whole show don't get me wrong everyone's good but mags gots something special his personality, the way he dances and dresses and just reacts to things is just the absolute best, he is funny and just so kind I loved him through out the entire season, from the very first sec they introduced him I knew he was going to be my favorite character immediately. I was very miserable those few episodes he was locked up and when he got hurt in the riot I balled my eyes out (I'm literally crying right now writing about it) he is just the sweetest who deserves to be protected at all cost

APOLLO: probably my second favorite, I wasn't sure about him in like the first episode but that changed real fast, he was so good and when he discovered his people's music styling and culture it was perfect. When he lost his hearing, first off the acting impeccable when he woke up and figured out he could hear tempo😭😭, second off I had to pause and take a while break because I couldn't handle it, music was the one thing he truly loved when aliyah asked him if he had ever been in love he said "only with music" and that was taken from him never to experience it in the same way ever again, but I'm super glad he quickly adjusted and found a new way to enjoy and play music, I'm kinda sad he didn't make it out with mags and bohdi but I'm glad he has the grans to look after him, also another note I really liked that he wasn't mad at anybody when he lost his hearing cause I kinda thought he might've been, he actually wasn't mad at all about losing his hearing and I really liked that, frustrated a bit for sure but he never seemed angry about it

TEMPO: look I did not fuck with tempo for a very long time, there were times where I would come around to him but then he'd do some stupid shit. I didn't like him til I think episode 9. oh and I totally called that his mama was phydra

I really enjoy that thrown in twist

Aliyah: she was fine for me, I really enjoyed her character and I just really like how she didn't take anybody's shit and was doing what she knew was right, when she pulled down her sleeve to reveal the black band at the end of her performance, bruh I gasped loud

Bohdi: he was good, I really liked his friendship with mags, cutest thing I done ever seen and when he called out Moore times in front of everybody my heart was a racing

SAGE: really liked her, after the riot they showed that the experience really traumatised her making her interested in learning that martial art dance style because she felt like she needed to be able to protect herself just in case something happened again, I was very proud. when she took down those two guards in the last episode, I can only say one word HOT

BROOKLYN: loved her she was funny and confident we love to see it, when she found out she was dissonant it was sad but she dealt with it decided to embrace it and share it with the city and I can only imagine what that did for others who are dissonant to see a Exemplar contestant speak on it openly and unapologetically because it is seen as this taboo looked down on thing and she just said no I'm not gonna hide it and I'm not gonna let this make me believe like my life is over

HONORABLY MENTION CHARACTERS: sage's whole family: need I go on

Authority taggart: loved him he was very nice and was totally hinting that he was gay when he was talking to brooklyn, oh and I also liked when he got to sage after she hit her head in the riot, very sweet

Regget: he was very sweet and dumb, dont get me wrong he had his smart moments I mean he took over moore times entire business when he went away

OVERALL OPINION: 10 out of mf 10, this show had no right to be this good from the acting, to the overall plot, to the characters storylines everything was perfection, there were a lot of situations and subjects that they explored that I did not expect them to touch but they did, one last thing is that the show is listed as a kid show which was one thing that made me put off watching this for so long because I didn't expect it to have so much depth and feeling I thought it was going to be too childish for me to care about and enjoy, i thought it was going to be a surface level plot with surface level situations and surface level characters, boy was I wrong. this show made me cry, it made me think, and it made me laugh and I just really did not expect it to give me this many strong feelings

So if you made this far thanks! And I hoped you enjoyed my crazy rambling that I'm writing at 5:44am cause I could not sleep without getting these feelings out

P.s. If I do not get a season 2 im gonna riot like my peeps in reform sector

[scripttorture]

Hi, how are you? I hope you're having a great day. If it's not too much to ask, I read the articles you linked about child soldiers, and they were very helpful, but not exactly what I'm looking for.. Do you happen to have links of first account stories or diaries of child soldiers? Two lead characters in my wip have been child soldiers in multiple wars in their country. (The setting is light fantasy, think non-European medieval times) (Child soldiers ask/1)

(Childsoldiers ask/2) Theyserved their country, and outside of war time, they received militaryeducation but were under significantly less pressure and stress, sowhile they never felt patriotic toward their country, they didn’tfind a reason to leave yet. That is until they turned 15-16 and wereforced to fight in the front field, where they saw the brutality oftheir own country by themselves, they tried to escape right then andthere, – (Child soldiers ask/3)–but were Captured by the enemy and spent a few weeks doing forcedlabor in an enclosed camp, before they were sold into slavery andbecame house slaves for a nobleman of their country’s enemies. Theymake friends with a slave there, who with a story of his own, hastried multiple times to escape but was always captured, punished(whipped), and forced to work right away. (Child soldiers ask/4)Theyfinally escape when the nobleman’s child bride kills him on the veryfirst night and joins them in a long escape out of the country,before they were rescued by the other slave’s friends. The storydoesn’t go too far in terms of time span, they don’t finish a year inslavery and then after that they help out (but don’t participate inbattle) in another war, before the story ends, maybe another 6months. (Child soldiers ask/6)Sowhile I have the elements of their rehabilitation into the peacefulcivilian life completed, I’d like more in-depth information about howthey would personally feel in that situation. The girl feels a lot ofshame for leaving her country, but has no wishes to return until theyfix the system, while the boy absolutely hates it and – (Childsoldiers ask/7)–onlyfeels resentment for it because of the abuse he suffered, but that’sonly after they learn what normal children their age should be doingand how they’re treated. Symptoms of anxiety and PTSD are prominentin their lives, but should I add more? And would the abuse the boysuffered from be counted as torture? I know this is long so thanks inadvance for your patience :) (Child soldiers ask/8)

-

I don’t think you will find the kind of in-depth first hand accounts you’re looking for without paying for them. That said there are books by former child soldiers that might fit.

 I’m not aware of any diaries, most of these books were written years or decades after the fighting stopped. On a basic level I’m not sure many children that young keep a regular diary and many adult diarists have found it impossible to keep one going through a war.

 This is a research book based on interviews with child soldiers that I’m ordering (M Wessel’s Child Soldiers: From Violence to Protection). This one is a first hand account, I Beah A Long Way Gone. There’s also E Jal’s War Child: A Child Soldier’s Story. Girl Soldier co authored by G Akallo and F J H McDonnell might also be useful, it draws heavily on Akallo’s experience as a child soldier. Child Soldier by C Keitetsi may also be useful.

 I have not read any of these first hand accounts. I find it… telling that all of the detailed first hand accounts I can find in English are by Africans. The difficulty finding accounts from European and Asian child soldiers may reflect a bias in the publishing industry, or simply one in the search engine I’m using.

 Searching for the Khmer Rogue, recent conflicts in the Balkans and memoirs from Poland during world war two will probably all bring up more memoirs from child soldiers. However those available for free may be shorter and vaguer, while more detailed memoirs may be untranslated.

 You can also find accounts by using Amnesty International’s search function. There are 171 results relating to child soldiers. I have not read all of them and Amnesty’s interviews tend to be on the short side but these do contain useful first hand accounts.

 In terms of whether the characters ‘count’ as survivors- I think it’s important to remember that we’re talking about a purely legal distinction and I think you could argue the case either way.

 The UN declaration against torture says that to be torture something must cause severe pain or suffering. But it explicitly says that need not be physical. Something that is intended to cause mental distress (desecration of corpses or religious sites, forcing Hindus to eat beef or Muslims to eat pork, etc) can be defined as torture.

 I think that the systematic exploitation and bullying of a child by armed forces could count under modern law.

 However there’s no indication in this that these soldiers have been ordered to bully this child or that they’re doing it for one of the four very well defined motivations the UN declaration outlines.

 But the argument about whether it meets the strict legal definition seems like a distraction from the real question here which seems to be: ‘how traumatising is this scenario? Is the symptom level appropriate?’

 I think it could be however it’s unclear to me whether the characters are both suffering from PTSD and anxiety or whether one has PTSD and the other anxiety.

 I don’t think it’s a good idea to give all the survivors in your story the same symptoms. There is variety in survivors in real life. If you’re writing multiple survivors in the same story then it’s important to try and reflect that variety.

 Two symptoms seems like a perfectly reasonable level for the girl to me. It could also work for the boy. But personally if I was writing this scenario and trying to put forward the idea that the boy has lived through more I would give him more symptoms as well. If you are trying to establish something as ‘worse’ in the narrative then you should be prepared to back that up with consequences for the characters.

 The slave character, who has been tortured and forced to work for a relatively long time, should definitely have more then two symptoms. I think something more in the range of 3-5 would be appropriate.

 I get the impression from the other asks you’ve sent that you tend to consistently underestimate symptoms.

 Try not to look at symptoms as flaws or limiting factors on your characters. They are not things that you have to struggle to reduce.

 Try instead to think of them as opportunities for you, the author.

 Disability and mental illness should not be an insurmountable barrier to the plot. Because it is not an insurmountable barrier in most people’s lives.

 These things do create difficulties and problems, often problems that are socially constructed. But people who live with disabilities and mental illness find ways around these problems every day. This necessary creative thinking is an addition to any story.

 If your character is in a wheelchair and the important plot device is up a flight of stairs then that shouldn’t mean the character can’t succeed. Instead it means they need a different, less obvious, way to get what they need.

 And the solution you choose tells readers more about the character. They might build a device that lets them glide right to the top or plant explosives around the foundations and bring the tower down or hire someone to carry them up. Each of those solutions tells you something about the character as a person.

 Symptoms are like that. They are narrative opportunities.

 Think about why you’ve chosen PTSD and anxiety. Think about which character they work best with. Think about what those symptoms add.

 And consider the other common symptoms and the common memory problems your characters could have. Use them to create varied survivors with different responses.

 I worry any time I see an author say their character ‘only feels’ a particular emotion. Because this is never true for people. And while authors often mean ‘this character feels that particular emotion a lot’ sometimes they mean it literally.

 A well-written character is not one emotional note, whether they’re a survivor or not.

 Resentment towards the adults who exploited and hurt him isn’t unreasonable. Shame about the atrocities she was forced to participated in isn’t unusual.

 Think about how to build on these starting points.

 If the girl feels ashamed about what she did how does she feel about the people she left behind? Does she think they’re immoral or does she feel sympathy for them and the way they’ve been manipulated?

 Does the boy primarily resent the people or what happened to him? Does he associate everyone from his country with what he endured? If so does he view the country that enslaved him differently? Does he see the girl he’s escape with as an exception or does his view of his country effect how he sees her?

 Even if these emotions are experienced more often these characters should feel more then one thing. Think about what might prompt other feelings.

 If the girl is trapped in a depressive spiral what could pull her out of it for a while? Anger or defensiveness on behalf of her friend? An odd incident that prompts a laugh? Awe or pride at the realisation of how much she’s already done? Because by escaping an active army and enslavement in a foreign country she has already achieved much more then most.

 Similarly what could puncture the boy’s rage? What would shock him? What would make him cry?

 Is he holding on to anger because he’s afraid of what he might be or feel without it?

 A lot of this boils down to standard writing advice for any character: they should feel like complete people.

 That doesn’t mean they can’t be flawed, or wrong or missing something important in their lives. It means that they need to feel ‘real’; as if they have dreams and fears and personalities that are possible.

 Writing survivors is more complicated but that doesn’t mean the usual approaches to character creation don’t apply. Personal history or traumatic events shouldn’t replace a character’s personality, wants or worries.

 And that can be hard to write. Because you’ve got to do all the same work you would for a non-traumatised character, then add another layer of work on top of that.

 In fact it’s more then that, because you have to merge all these things and make it look seamless, effortless for the reader.

 I emphasised a lot of the planning and thinking part of character creation here. And that is important.

 But if you’re struggling with your confidence or character creation generally there is no substitute for practice.

 Give yourself permission to experiment, to learn, to get things wrong. This is part of everyone’s writing process.

 So yes, think, plan, search for opportunities with things like symptoms. But also practice. Write short scenes or stories. Write multiple versions of the same scene. Try out writing the same character with different symptoms to figure out which you like best.

 I hope that helps. :)

Availableon Wordpress.

Disclaimer

[bojokehorseman]

The Big BJ Meta

Part One: Analysis of Seasons 1 - 5

So Bojack is a show that is as much about morality and accountability as it is about dealing with existential loneliness and trauma. And bc Boj season six is the first part of an accumulation of a six season journey, we need to recap a little.

[major triggers for alcohol, drugs, parental abuse, sexual abuse and physical abuse]

Season 1 introduces us to this dissatisfied, overly-privileged, cynical narcissist. Boj, in my opinion, is prototypical of literally any male art teacher: a self-proclaimed worldly artist who’s given up on his dreams and tends to take it out on everyone else & self destruct despite his occasional moments of genuine wit. We briefly explore his neglectful childhood and his dysfunctional influence on his TV daughter, Sarah Lynn, that continues to present day.

Diane’s book—which, inexplicably, is clearly not written as a ghostwritten autobio but maybe this breach in contract is bc the penguin editor is so desperate—anyways, boj’s strong negativity to Diane’s book represents not only his self hatred but his inability to accept the way he’s perceived by others. He wants to disassociate from the bad parts of his personality as to avoid their consequences and continue the cycle anew. When Bojack asks Diane if he’s a good person “deep down”, Diane tells him he can only be a good person by doing good things. Looking back at the relationships he’s sabotaged: Herb, Todd, Diane, even Sarah Lynn, this depresses him. However, his tell-all book and his negative worldview are what get him his dream role. The season ends with him signing an autograph at the planetarium, subsequent to watching old Horsin Around DVDs. I suspect he visited the planetarium in an attempt to reconnect w Sarah Lynn (conscious or otherwise), meanwhile the autograph signifies that on a superficial level, he’s on top of the world.

Boj season 2 explores how he tries to “cure” his depression by pushing down his negative feelings and replacing them with new goals, new furniture, new podcasts. But as Kelsey Jennings says, people get stuck in a loop of arrested development when their emotional growth goes unchallenged, exemplified by the fact that Boj finds himself dating the one and only woman on Earth who’s mentally stuck in the eighties due to a twenty-year coma. This aggressive positivity to the point of delusion shows up especially when Bojack is unable to act out serious scenes in secretariat and is more comically exemplified in Princess Carolyn’s relationship to a ten year old in a trench coat.

Boj’s self-help attitude subsides when he receives a call from his emotionally vaulted mother and Herb dies of a peanut allergy. With the realisation that his dream job hasn’t fulfilled him, he seeks meaning in his old crush Charlotte who was once Herb’s beard. The reality that Charlotte’s settled down with a family in New Mexico, thus crushing his domestic fantasy of them living in a cottage in mane, spurs him further into escapism and destructive tendencies. He takes adavange of Charlotte’s teenaged daughter, having displaced his feelings toward Charlotte onto Penny. (Themes of sexual assault are also explored in the Hanky After Dark B plot.) Charlotte kicks him out and Bojack tries to mend his relationship with Todd by rescuing him from Scientologists an improv cult. Bojack then renames the Bojack Horseman Orphanage (funded by his horsin around money) in honour of Herb. The Jogging Baboon tells him, ‘Every day it gets easier. But you gotta do it everyday. That’s the hard part. But it gets easier.’ Despite his inappropriate bender with Penny, Bojack ends the season with small efforts to become a better person, through action rather than superficial notions of “deep down” or self help.

In s3, Boj spends the season promoting a movie he wasn’t actually in. During the award winning silent episode which makes the most use out of the series’ drowning metaphor (water as depression; swimming as the acceptance of accountability and the small daily acts that connect you with people and make life bearable), Bojack’s failed attempt to reconcile with Kelsey for getting her fired leads him instead into rescuing a baby seahorse separated from their father. Boj, however still has not found a sense of meaning in his life as he admits to Jill Pill that he wants to make work that “connects with people” and “lasts” and hopes that an Oscar win will afford him the legacy he craves. Bojack further sabotages his relationship with Todd when he sleeps w Todd’s high school sweetheart, Emily (notably after he’s sabotaged then saved a lesbian wedding). Shenanigans lead him to reminisce with Princess Carolyn, admitting that he loves her but ultimately refusing to be her client. Bojack loses his Oscar then spirals back into yet another season finale depressive episode, once more with Sarah Lynn. After Sarah Lynn dies, Bojack goes along with Ethan’s idea of a spinoff of Horsin Around but eventually leaves, scared he’ll recreate his destructive tendencies with (and possibly kill) his child actor co-star. After Todd burns their bridge, Boj is aimlessly driving his Tesla at suicidal speeds until he notices a group of horses racing in the desert, moved by the authenticity of what Secretariat merely imitates.

Season 4 has Bojack try to reconcile his mother’s trauma with the abuse she made him suffer all while Beatrice isn’t lucid enough to be cognitively present. Hollyhock, as his potential daughter, is symbolically aligned with Penny and Sarah Lynn: young women who faced the consequences of Bojack’s toxicity. This season’s twist, however, introduces the idea that Bojack is a part of a cycle of abuse. Hollyhock is his sister, conceived bc of his father’s affair with the maid. Her abandonment at birth isn’t Bojacks’s fault but rather Butterscotch’s infidelity and Beatrice’s obsession with class and appearances (which is admittedly a v pragmatic move in her point of view). Beatrice’s trauma w food disorder explains her abusive behaviour towards Hollyhock who herself becomes traumatised and physically ill from the diet pills Beatrice hid in Holly’s smoothies. Bojack finds hope in Hollyhock who stands as evidence that his legacy of trauma and abuse isn’t inherent, Hollyhock, however has to deal with the trauma of being secretly drugged.

Season five more explicitly explores themes of sexual abuse, previously only briefly touched upon with Penny and Hank’s characters. Bojack stars as a jaded street smart detective, an uncanny charicature of his own personality. This season has Bojack try in earnest to be sober. In Free Churro, another award winning experimental episode, Bojack nihilistically reflects on his relationship with his mother. With her death, all of his abusers will have gone to the other side, leaving him with the responsibility of continuing or abolishing the abuse cycle. When Boj develops an addiction to painkillers, he spirals down an addiction hole that compromises his relationship w co-star Gina and even his relationship to reality. Bojack physically assaults her onset. Gina decides not to go public to further her career. Diane discovers Bojack’s history with Penny and writes it into the story of Bojack’s show before confronting him about it directly at the premiere. Bojack admits to Diane that he feels victimised by the guilt his abuse causes him, signaling that Boj is still in denial and unable to accept the consequences of his actions. (“Fun” fact Boj hints at what he did to Sharona in this scene) Bojack later consfesses to Diane that he thinks he’s a bad person while Diane accuses him of using black and white morality to avoid his own sense of responsibility because there’s “no such thing as bad people” only “bad actions”. Diane decides that Bojack is a bad influence for her, Bojack admits he doesn’t know how to take responsibility for himself and Diane drives him to rehab.

TL ; DR

Season one was about accepting the dissonance between your self perception and your actions.

Season two asserts that trying to escape from yourself or finding purpose in superficial goals that aren’t oriented toward connection w others is futile. Meaning comes from bridging the gap through small acts of (empathetic) honesty and kindness, as The Jogging Baboon advises.

In season three, Boj tries but is not ultimately able to come to terms with the people he’s hurt, namely Sarah Lynn and Penny. The guilt consumes him and he copes once more through escapism and self-destruction until an epiphany in the form of running horses makes him realise what his life might look like if he was honest with himself.

Season four explores Bojack’s actions in the context of his childhood trauma as well as the trauma of his own abusers: his mother. His sister represents a fallacy in his fatalistic notion that all Horseman dna is toxic and offers him hope.

Season five however comes with the confession that Bojack doesn’t know how to properly take responsibility for his actions, as a celebrity he’s never truly held accountable and is enabled to continue to indulge in escapism and denial. This season marks the worst thing that he’s ever done on screen: choke his co-star. Second to that is how he enabled Sarah Lynn’s addiction, slept w her, and neglected her as her father figure. Finally Bojack tried to sleep with his crush’s seventeen year old daughter after getting her drunk at her own prom. All of which are brought up again in season five but almost never mentioned in season six (Part 1) outside the very beginning and very end. Diane takes Bojack to rehab as his first step toward true self-awareness.

Part Two: here

[rubiesandtomatoes]

my july reads // july wrapup

**the gifts of imperfection - brené brown - 4/5**

i'd heard most of this already via her ted talks and other books but brené brown is just so lovely to read. also if you haven't heard her ideas then you should.

**fever pitch - nick hornby - 3/5**

i started reading this the day after england lost the euros because it felt appropriate. strong on university and being a generally obsessive person but a bit too much football for my liking.

**hamnet - maggie o'farrell - 4.5/5**

beautiful beautiful beautiful. recommend this highly if you value sentence level lovely writing.

**wyrd sisters - terry pratchett - 3.5/5**

i always like terry pratchett but i don't always love him. this one i did not love! that is okay.

**shatter me - tahereh mafi - 2.5/5**

this was objectively quite bad (instalove between the two main characters, lack of worldbuilding, a surprising amount of sex talk for a book in which deeply traumatised teenagers flee certain death). still quite enjoyed it.

**the rules of attraction - bret easton ellis - 5/5**

ahh i feel conflicted about this. it was so crass and bret easton ellis is so painfully obvious in his attempts to be countercultural on twitter. but also it's so rare that i read something that seems the right length to me and i loved the whiplash pace of this one.

**what we talk about when we talk about love - raymond carver - 3/5**

the meaning of these stories was just a bit too oblique for me?

**less than zero - bret easton ellis - 2/5**

this one was more crass and less compelling. if you're going to be gross you should probably also be interesting.

**the year of magical thinking - joan didion - 4.5/5 **

such a lovely tender book. very very sad. can't wait to read more from her.

[144-13]

Hi again. Time to bother you some more, so 7, 11, 13, 22, 24, 25, and 30, for the writer's ask, please~~

You *pats your hand* are never *pats your hand* a bother *pats your hand*. You know who is a bother though? That Clive kid. You know the one. Major :///////

7 - Which character that you’ve written is most like yourself?

Out of all the novels and fanfictions I’ve written, I do think Clive in my current P3301 is most like me. We have the same MBTI personality, we’ve experienced similar events in our lives, we’re even physically similar–skinny af, brown hair, bangs parted on the same side (and just for the record, mine were on the left first before Clive was even an idea in Level-5′s mind, so there, Clive), same baby face that makes us appear five years younger than we actually are (most people at work think I’m 19, 20 if I’m lucky). We’re also both old (one of us being a twenty-five-year-old fifty-five-year-old. I even found a grey hair the other day and Clive can have that back.)

Jokes aside, I really enjoy writing Clive. There’s some quirks and characteristics I have to give him that aren’t things I do (running my hand through my hair/letting my anger get the better of me) or might even be annoyed with (pen-clicking), but his overall personality has been fun to shape because even in-game it’s already so similar to mine. The way he thinks, acts (besides the murder-y bit) and even his cheeky comments are all natural to me.

11 - What were your favorite books as a child?

I’d have to say the Guardians of G’Hoole was the first series I was ever so excited about I even had a prophetic dream about one of the books coming out. I don’t really believe in that sort of stuff, but I distinctly remember having a dream about the mint-green cover for book 7 well before the book was even pictured and when I went into the store to pick it up months later it had a mint-green cover. Now to channel that skill into the future of P3301.

I also fondly remember the Dimwood Forest series. And when I say fondly, I mean I was traumatised by the very first book, Poppy. This was only because I had read the prequel, Ragweed, without having known it was a prequel, got into Ragweed’s character and then little ten-year-old me was completely devastated when, in the first few pages, he’s murdered and devoured by an owl. Probably the second major loss of innocence in my life. And to salt the wound, his girlfriend falls in love with his brother. I mean, she avenges Ragweed but little me did not want to accept he was dead and then Poppy just moves on without me. Not cool, Poppy.

The very first set of six books in the Warriors series is also a kid favourite of mine. The ideas were so fresh and interesting. Now they’ve kind of dulled after, you know, four or five more sets, all containing six books each with rehashed antagonists and villains and not too many original ideas anymore.

Let’s see… I’m quite into this question as remembering all my favourite books is really throwing me back in time to some happy moments in a tree house on a farm all on my own with no one to bother me and an adventure to have with many memorable characters. I think another good one was the Dragon Rider by the same author of Inkheart. (Can’t remember her name. Something Funke. Edit: omg, you have the internet right in front of you. ‘We have technology, Spongebob!’ Her name’s Cornelia Funke. Glad I could solve that nearly unsolvable mystery…) But I’ve always been into dragons and mythological creatures so any book that could craft dragons into this real and nearly tangible thing was an instant like. The same is true of the Enchanted Forest Chronicles. Dragon Rider in particular was full of different myth creatures and I remember rereading it again and again because I enjoyed it so much.

Another favourite from my secondary/high school days is the Oracles of Delphi Keep. Uh, but that one I have a grudge with because it was meant to have four books but for whatever reason the author couldn’t have the fourth one published or there was some issue with writing it or something. Not totally sure. All I know is, for three books, I’m on an adventure with an orphan boy who dresses like little Clive with mythological creatures and witches and wizards and demigods and even involves time travel in one book and the very last book finally reveals one of the people who had travelled back in time to meet this boy was his father and it ends with him thinking he’s going to meet his parents as well as save this world and there was SO MUCH built up in this last book…only for me to find out there would never be a conclusion. So heads up. The three books are great. A little slow, but great, fond memories. But there’s no end. Will my orphan boy ever meet his parents? No. Because his story abruptly ends beFORE HE CAN. Okay, rant over. Still forever upset, though.

13 - Which authors or styles do you try to emulate in your writing?

I was kind of afraid this question might pop up. The thing is, I don’t really know. I guess it’s all sort of a conglomeration of all the authors I’ve ever read, everything I’ve learnt to do and not do from them and then my own twists on it that have developed over time? I guess one author that sticks out is Suzanne Collins who wrote Hunger Games. Especially for her first person approach. Katness’ dialogue has always been some of my favourite because it’s quick, straight to the point, and it really turns the series into a page-turner, which is what I want P3301 one and future books to be.

Honestly, though, I need to read more so I do have more authors to emulate and learn from. I can’t remember who said this, but a quote I try to hold myself accountable with is that one about ‘if you don’t have time to read, you don’t have time to write.’ That is 100% true and I consciously know this. Now it’s just a matter of consciously making the decision to abide by it.

22 - Do you listen to music when you write?

Not really. I find I can’t pay attention if someone’s singing or even without a voice, melody is enough to cause me to not be as productive or as observant with my stories as I need to be. Sometimes if I’m feeling particularly focused, I’ll turn on some smooth jazz or one of those Youtube live stations with lo-fi beats or nova-bossa music. But mostly I write in silence. If I do need noise to concentrate, I’ll put on a gentle rain/thunderstorm video or birdsong. Now that winter’s over, I’m coming close to being able to listen to those without Youtube~

24 - Do you prefer first or third person? Why?

It kind of depends. I like both because they both have their advantages. Especially now with P3301, I use first person for Clive and as stated above, I have loads of fun writing him because I get to shape his personality and think up what sorts of reactions he’d have to a certain situation/person and let’s not forget those father/daughter moments I could destroy London die for. But I do enjoy third person as well. Particularly because I lean mostly towards third person omniscient which allows me to show readers what everyone’s thinking and in turn put together a more alluring mystery.

25 - How do you defeat writers’ block?

I mostly struggle through it. It seems for me there’s no sort of meditation or cat videos or any method that will help other than just fighting it. I suppose sometimes I’ll go back and reread older chapters to help get back on track.

30 - What’s your favorite part about writing?

I guess everything, really. The morals I try to teach, the experience I’ve had and the influence I hope they have for other people. The characters, especially, and shaping them from one person into another. I really try to give every character chance to grow so if anything’s an absolute favourite, it’s rereading an old story or even just going back a few chapters and seeing where my characters were, where they headed, what they went through and where they ended up. Sometimes that’s the hardest bit about writing as well. Hint hint, I have some serious business Clive will go through in future chapters and I’m not looking forward to what it will do to him. But hey. The writer is ultimately the worst antagonist, right? I gotta live up to that reputation.

[chocolatequeennk]

Taking Time, recap

This is the final part of my recap posts as we get ready for Forever and Never Apart tomorrow. You can read the To Make Much of Time recap here, the Time is Still A-Flying recap here, and the Most Wonderful Time of the Year recap here.

Taking Time

AO3 | FF.NET | TSP | Ch 1 | Ch 2 | Ch 3 | Ch 4 | Ch 5

Summary: Their year with the Master left wounds deeper than they wanted to admit, but now, the Doctor and Rose are ready to take the time necessary to heal. This falls in between Voyage of the Damned and S4. There’s a lot of emotional hurt/comfort as they work through the trauma caused by the Year That Never Was.

From chapter 1:

The Doctor nodded. He understood what she meant, even if the logic wasn’t completely sound. He looked at her for a long moment, considering his next words.

In her dream, the Master had taunted her with what he claimed was evidence the Doctor hadn’t really wanted to marry her. The evidence he gave was ridiculous, as happens so often in dreams. However, Rose had had variations of this particular dream several times since they’d been reunited, and the Doctor suspected it had some basis in reality.

“Want to talk about it?”

Rose crossed her arms over her chest, and he knew she understood that he meant the actual events, not the dream. “It was… he would…” She shuddered, and he reached for her, encouraging her to lean against his chest. “I don’t want to tell you,” she whispered. “It would hurt you.”

The Doctor reached out and wiped at her damp cheeks. “Knowing you’re upset hurts me more than anything he could say,” he promised her.

For a long moment, he didn’t know if he’d convinced her, but then she started talking again. “He said… that the only reason you fell in love with me was because I met you after the War, after there were no other real Time Lords left.”

The Doctor clenched his jaw. “You mean, like you were some sort of consolation prize I allowed myself after killing my entire planet?” he said, his voice harsher than he meant for it to be.

Rose drew another shuddering breath and nodded. “Yeah. He said that… that if Gallifrey were still around, you would have chosen a real Time Lord.”

The Doctor couldn’t withhold the curse that spilled from his lips. “Clearly, Koschei was losing his memory,” he spat out. “I hadn’t wanted anything to do with so-called real Time Lords in centuries. I regret killing them all, and I hate the way it feels to be the last one, but that doesn’t mean I would have wanted to be saddled with one as a bond mate.”

He brushed his knuckles over Rose’s cheek and smiled when she leaned into his touch. And I never met anyone, human, Time Lord, or otherwise, that I wanted to share a marriage bond with—until I met you.

She smiled weakly, and he pressed a kiss to her trembling lips. I love you, Rose.

The words eased her mind for now, but he knew they were far from done. He didn’t say anything about how this was the fourth time this week he’d had to calm her from a nightmare. She knew as well as he did that their night terrors were unrelenting.

One of the fun things in writing Taking Time was the chance it gave me to fill in some of the Year That Never Was. Because really, I glossed over a lot of the interactions between the Master and Rose--with a full year to cover, I just couldn’t show it all. 

And until you know the kinds of things the Master said to her, Rose’s trauma doesn’t make much sense. She never thought the Doctor was dead, after all. I mean... the broken bond itself is traumatising, as the Doctor points out in the next scene, but there’s clearly something more going on. Now you know a little bit of what it was. 

From chapter 1:

The Doctor nodded and took a sip of his wine, then he cleared his throat and began. “I thought… maybe we could start by sharing what the worst part of the year was? Outside of the broken bond,” he added quickly. “Because obviously that was the worst.”

Rose nodded quickly. “Yeah. Yeah, that was…” She sucked in a quick breath. “But outside of that?”

“Yeah.”

She stared at her wine glass, simultaneously trying to remember and hoping she could forget. “I don’t think it was any one event, or constantly recurring event,” she said finally. “I think it was this… general theme, the overall sense that he’d taken control of my life and I was just a puppet. I had to live where he said, dress in the clothes he provided, eat the food he offered… I had no autonomy.”

[...]

“What was the worst part for you?” Rose asked. The Doctor tensed again, and she dropped her hand to his knee and started tracing the circular characters spelling out forever.

He let his head drop back to rest on the back of the loveseat and stared up at the ceiling. He knew exactly what the worst part of the year had been, but he didn’t know how Rose would respond when he told her.

“You can tell me, Doctor.”

Warmth stole over him at how well she knew him. He took the hand that was still writing invisible promises on his knee and brought it to his lips, kissing her fingertips before he let her go.

“The hardest thing about seeing the Master hasn’t changed in centuries,” he said finally. “The difference between who he used to be and who he’s become.” He sighed and tugged on his ear. “I’ll never be able to see the Master as just a villain, even though that’s what he’s become. We have too much history.”

He could tell Rose didn’t understand why he chose that as the most difficult part of the year, so he tried to find a parallel. “Imagine UNIT called us back to Earth because someone had started randomly killing people, with no real provocation. And when we got here, we discovered something had happened to Shareen, and she was the person they were trying to get under control.”

Rose gasped, and he felt like she finally understood what the year had been like for him.

It’s hard to understand how the Doctor’s mixed feelings regarding the Master until you really put yourself in his shoes. I love that the Doctor goes to the effort of painting this picture for Rose, because it really does add a lot to it.

From chapter 2:

The Doctor sucked in a breath. When Rose hadn’t woken up with him in the middle of the night and hadn’t said anything that morning, he’d assumed she hadn’t noticed his dream. He should have known better.

“It was only a dream,” he said quickly.

“Doctor.” Rose pursed her lips, and he knew she wasn’t going to let it go. “You dreamed that I got mad at you because we kept landing in dangerous or difficult places. In your dream, I told you that I was going to stay on Earth, and you could come pick me up when you’d learned how to drive.”

His throat ached, and he clenched his jaw against the tears that threatened. Watching Rose walk away from him had been agonising, because he hadn’t been able to argue with her. Rose deserved someone who didn’t constantly drop her into danger, and if she’d finally realised that…  

When he’d woken up, tears streaming down his face, Rose had shifted in her sleep until they were barely touching. The Doctor had wanted to wrap himself around her so she couldn’t leave him, but he’d settled for rolling onto his side and resting his hand on her shoulder. Even that touch had seemed presumptuous, but it was the only way he’d been able to slow his racing hearts.

Rose reached out and stroked his cheek before cupping his jaw. “And I need you to know that there’s never been a time when I would have wanted you to drop me off.” She sighed. “There was that week after our trip to the parallel world, when I realised that I could go on without you if I needed to, but from the moment I met you, I never wanted to be without you.”

The Doctor stared down at Rose, then he crushed her to him. He floated on light relief and didn’t bother to check the tears he felt welling up in his eyes. Thank you, he told her as he kissed her softly.

This is something the Doctor has always struggled with: the feeling that he doesn’t deserve Rose because he can’t keep her safe. It crops up now and again, but of course, after a year of physical and mental trauma, he’s going to feel it even more acutely.

From chapter 2:

The Doctor found [Rose] around the corner in an alley, crouched on the ground and pressing her hands to her eyes. As soon as she’d run out of the [art supply] store, he’d cottoned onto something, and seeing how much his obliviousness had hurt her made his stomach churn.

She needs you now, not your self-recrimination, he reminded himself sharply. Taking a deep breath, he sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“You haven’t painted since we’ve been home,” he said when she was done crying. “I didn’t really realise that until now.”

Rose nodded and hiccupped. “The Master liked to ridicule me for not having any A-levels. ‘And even if you had gone on for further education, Rose Tyler, you were only planning to study English, French, and art?’” She mangled the tissue he’d given her, and little bits of torn paper landed on his leg. “So it seemed kinda silly to paint. I’ve been trying to study more too; the TARDIS has given me some books to read.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” the Doctor asked quietly.

Rose shrugged. “Didn’t seem important, really. I mean, he was right in a way. Art doesn’t matter as much as science.”

The wistfulness in her voice made his hearts ache. “Do you remember what you told Donna?” he asked her. Rose frowned up at him. “How about we don’t start any more sentences with, ‘The Master was right.’ Because even when he came close, he still got it so wrong, Rose.” The Doctor took her hand and held it up. “That gorgeous painting of Makuyu in our bedroom was done by this hand.” He tapped her temple. “The vision came from this mind.” He kissed her. “I look at that painting every day and marvel at your extraordinary talent and creativity. Don’t ever let anyone tell you art doesn’t matter.”

Rose sniffed and brushed tears away. “I’ve missed it,” she admitted. “It’s been a year and a half since I’ve done more than simple sketches, and it feels like part of me is just… shrivelling up.”

The Doctor jumped to his feet and held his hands out. “Then I think I know what we’re doing for the rest of the afternoon.”

Okay, so first of all, can we all agree that the Master was a bastard? This one scene might make me hate him more than anything else. He spent that whole year taking everything about Rose’s identity that she valued and telling her it didn’t matter or wasn’t real. 

But now, she can get her art back. That’s what this story is all about--both of them recovering what was taken from them during that year. 

From chapter 2:

The Doctor obediently shook out his coat and sat down on the sand, facing Rose. The colours she’d chosen were mostly shades of blue, and he wondered what she had in mind.

He’d never watched her work before, and the concentration on her face entranced him. After working quickly with a large brush, she bit her lip and picked up a smaller brush, eyeing the canvas as if she were trying to imagine the idea in her head had already come to life.

Finally, she dipped her brush in another colour, and he sighed in relief as happy confidence spread across her face. They were gradually putting their lives back together, and even though he knew this wouldn’t magically make everything better, it was still a major step in the right direction.  

[...]

Rose rolled her eyes, but her smile didn’t fade. Thirty minutes later, she dropped her brush into the jar of water and straightened her back. “I think it’s done.”

She was biting her lip again, so the Doctor pushed a wave of encouragement her way as he stood up and came around to stand beside her.

Then he saw her painting, and he was stunned. The dark blues she’d selected had created a nighttime landscape. A couple walked hand in hand through the darkness, from the nearly pitch black bottom left corner towards the lightest point on the canvas on the far right. She’d used one of Ekbrilon’s special phosphorescent paints to make the sky twinkle with stars.

But it was the couple that commanded his attention. A tall man with brown spiky hair walked hand-in-hand with a blonde woman. They were in mid-stride, and there seemed to be some invisible force making their progress difficult. But as they leaned on each other, the Doctor got the feeling that they would make it, as long as they were together.

“I call it Finding Our Way Home,” Rose said quietly. “Because we still are, even though we’re back in the TARDIS. Figuring out how to pick up the pieces of our old life after a year away… it’s not easy. But you give me the strength to keep trying, when it would be easier to give up and think that this is as good as it’s going to get.”

The Doctor’s throat worked, but he couldn’t get words past the lump there. Instead, he reached for Rose and pulled her close, resting his forehead against hers.

And getting her art back is doubly important for Rose, because it’s always been how she worked through things that were too big to keep bottled up. This visual representation of hope is something they can cling to in the next nine months or so as they heal.

From chapter 3:

The Doctor set down the tool he was working on, then turned towards the voice. A woman was standing on high ground, being held back from the river by two volunteers. A child cried from a tree on an island in the middle of the river, dangerously close to falling into the seething waters below. And—

The Doctor’s hearts stopped. And Rose was skidding down the embankment towards the overflowing flowing river, obviously preparing to dive into the raging water.

“Rose!” he screamed, just before she jumped.

The Doctor shoved his way through the crowd of volunteers until he reached the place Rose had jumped from. The rope she’d tied to the safety line had gone taut, and there was no sign of her—she’d been pulled under by the current.

I’m pulling you in.

Don’t you dare, she retorted immediately. There’s a kid out here, Doctor. A little girl, alone and scared.

The Doctor gritted his teeth together and waited. Rose could hold her breath easily for ten minutes. He’d give her six underwater before he pulled her to safety.

It was inevitable that the Doctor and Rose’s traumas would conflict at some point. He’s desperate to keep her safe, and she’s desperate to prove that she can handle everything. So of course, she runs headlong into a dangerous situation and gets angry with him for attempting to keep it from her, while he gets angry with her for being so reckless.

From chapter 3:

“You should get out of those wet clothes,” the Doctor said mechanically as he sent them back into the Vortex. “Being dressed in wet clothes is one of the surest ways to get hypothermia.”

Rose crossed her arms over her chest. “I think I’d rather talk about why you’re so angry with me.”

“You jumped into a flooded river!” The Doctor threw his hands up in the air and paced in front of the console. “That’s ridiculously dangerous, Rose. You don’t know what’s below the surface of strange river, and with the current of a river in flood stage, you could have been hit by all kinds of debris. Why wouldn’t you leave when I asked you to?”

“Because people were in danger!” Rose shouted back. “People were in danger, and I could help, so I did something! I don’t understand why this comes as such a surprise to you—that’s what we’ve always done.”

She took a deep breath. “Seriously, Doctor. Why are you so upset with me?” She paused, but he didn’t answer, driving her irritation higher. “The man I married wouldn’t have turned away from people in trouble, like you wanted to this afternoon. He certainly wouldn’t have yelled at me for saving a child’s life. What happened to that man?”

Shock, hurt, and anger hit her over the bond as soon as the words left her mouth, but instead of apologising right away, Rose pressed her lips together and arched an eyebrow as she looked at him.

The Doctor’s face was white, and his hands clenched and unclenched in fists at his sides. “He felt his bond mate die.”

Here it is--the scene I actually warned people was coming. This is without a doubt the worst fight they’ve ever had. Rose’s question is hugely unfair, and the Doctor’s answer shows her that in just six words.

From chapter 3:

The Doctor snagged her hand and brought her fingers to his lips. “Exactly. Rose Tyler, my bold Gryffindor.”

A jolt of pride hit him over the bond, and he knew he’d finally found a way to convince her. “Oh, Rose. I promise you, the Sorting Hat would have known exactly where to sort you.” He pulled a face. “The speed with which you race into danger terrifies this poor Ravenclaw.”

Rose scooted closer to him, and the Doctor wrapped his arm around her shoulders. “I get that now,” she promised. Then she nudged him in the ribs. “But what would you complain about if I didn’t wander off, Doctor?”

He snorted, then pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “I think I’d cope, somehow,” he said drily.

She turned and kissed his shoulder. “Also, I think you’re pretty brave yourself, love.”

The Doctor’s hand had been absently sifting through her hair, but it paused at that comment. “Not about losing you,” he admitted softly. “Never about that.” Her heartbeat was a steady thrum, and he focused on the reassuring sound of life flowing through her veins.  

Rose’s own fear bled over the bond, but after a moment, he heard her swallow hard. “Well, we’ll just have to live forever then.”

The Doctor hummed his agreement. “Sounds good to me. Forever and never apart.”

I’m skipping over the worst of the fight, but if you haven’t read the story, you should really read it so you can get that in context. 

This bit of resolution and healing is important, though. Not just because it showcases one of my favourite head canons (You cannot shake me from these Sortings.), but because of all that head canon means. This is the Doctor validating a habit of Rose’s that he’s not super fond of, and that just caused a huge fight. He talks about it in a way that makes it a positive trait, and that will do more to help her get over her feelings of inadequacy left behind by the Master. 

And Rose acknowledges the Doctor’s own fear and promises not to purposely trigger it unless it’s really necessary. She might not say that out loud, but it’s the undercurrent in her words. They’re both healing.

From chapter 4:

“What’s bothering you, Rose?” he asked quietly once he’d sat down. He wanted to reach for her, but he could tell, somehow, that she wasn’t in the mood to be held. That alone was unusual enough to be alarming.

She bit her lip, and he waited patiently for her to tell him. “Do you know what day it is?” she asked finally. “And don’t say time is irrelevant in the Vortex, or whatever. If we count our days from the day we met, then this is the fifth of July.”

The Doctor frowned; the date itself meant nothing to him, but he knew their wedding anniversary was three months away. What happened three months before our anniversary?

Unease knotted in his gut when he framed the question like that. Something had happened three months before their anniversary… something major. What was it?

He looked at Rose, sitting with her head resting on her knees. Whatever it was, she didn’t want to think about it.

The Doctor felt like the wind had been knocked out of him when he finally got it. Reeling from shock, his body sagged against the couch. His right arm shot out, looking for Rose, and as soon as he found her, he pulled her into his lap and held her tight.

In return, she wrapped her arms around him, one hand on his shoulder and the other holding his head to her breast as she ran her fingers through his hair. “Breathe, Doctor,” she murmured, and he realised the tightness in his chest was his body begging for air.

There was one more anniversary that I couldn’t just skip: the day the Master broke the bond. Because we don’t just remember the good days--the bad ones are engraved on our minds, too. And for this first one, they needed to actually acknowledge what it was and let it affect them. After this, they can plan to be busy that day or whatever, but just once, they needed to let themselves feel what had been done to them. 

From chapter 4:

They watched the memory unfold through Rose’s eyes. The Doctor wanted to cry again when she started sassing back at the Master. Such a Gryffindor, he pointed out, and the real Rose kissed him on the cheek.

He did cry when Memory Rose told her Doctor she loved him. He vividly remembered the terror of that moment, and the agony that followed.

Even the memory of the bond breaking sent an echo of pain over the bond. Rose moaned and reached for her head, and the Doctor pulled her into his lap and pressed kisses to her temple.

Shhhh, he told her, even as he fought the ache in his own head. It’s only a memory. We’re safe; we’re home.

Rose wiped the tears from her eyes. That’s not the worst part, she warned him.

He started to ask how it could possibly get any worse… then the Master turned the volume on the CCTV up, and his own anguished cries filled her memory. Oh. Oh, Rose. I’m so sorry, love, he told her, wrapping his arms more tightly around her waist.

You see why I didn’t want to be the one to remind you? she said. I watched you mourn and writhe in pain a year ago. I can’t think about those first few hours after the bond broke without remembering the way your voice cracked as you called my name.

The memory ended with a closing image of Memory Rose crying herself to sleep. The Doctor held the real Rose close as she cried on his shoulder, and once her tears ended, he shifted them so they were lying down, facing each other.

“I think I owe you an apology, love.” He brushed a strand of hair out of her face.

“What? Why?”

“Because all this time, even though I knew he made you watch, I’ve thought I had the worst experience with the bond breaking.”

“You did,” she protested. “You thought I was dead for three months. I only had maybe… fifteen seconds before I looked at the screen and realised what he’d done. You grieved, Doctor. I didn’t have to do that.”

The Doctor shook his head. “That’s what I thought, too. But I didn’t realise… Rose, you watched me grieve. You saw me in pain, and you couldn’t do anything about it.” He shuddered. “I remember how much it hurt when the Master had his goons beat you, and this must have been ten times worse.”

Time to balance things out a bit here. Because both of them, but especially Rose, have been thinking that the Doctor had a significantly worse time after the bond broke, and that’s just not true. And underselling how hard it was for her doesn’t help her heal. 

Carrying on with the same scene...

More tears slipped down Rose’s cheek and onto her pillow. “He would taunt me with how badly you were doing. I hated him so much when he took my ring, just so he could torment you with the inscription.”

The Doctor ground his teeth together. He’d almost managed to forget that artful jab. “He was a bastard,” he said succinctly. “And thankfully, he’s dead. We’ll never have to deal with him again.”

Rose sniffed and shifted closer to him, wrapping an arm around his waist. “I don’t wanna talk about him anymore,” she mumbled, the words slurring slightly as her exhaustion pushed through the emotional trauma.

“Then we won’t. Not right now, at least.” He stroked her hair and smiled when her breathing evened out. “Go to sleep, love. I’ll be right here when the nightmares come.”    

She was asleep in minutes, but the Doctor didn’t stop the rhythmic movement of his hand. Soothing Rose gave him as much comfort as it did her, and he needed it right now. Watching what the Master had put Rose through on the worst day of their life had finally broken through the last of his sentimental affection for his old friend. He pressed a kiss to Rose’s forehead and hoped fervently that the Master didn’t manage to trick death yet again.

This really bookends the story for the Doctor. Back in chapter 1, he told Rose he’d never be able to see the Master as just a villain, but now he can. And really, that full acceptance of who the Master is now is part of his healing.

Also, spoiler alert: the Master will not be coming back, in any form.

From chapter 5:

It was sunny and warm outside, with the faint fragrance of flowers lingering on the air, like it does in spring when everything is in bloom. They’d landed in an alley not far from the park at the city centre, which would be decked out for the festival. After locking the doors, the Doctor took Rose’s hand and they stepped out onto the street, lined with shops.

“Koroligans are telepathic, and this is their annual soulmates festival. Everyone who wants to be matched romantically comes to Lanima—that’s the native word for soulmate.”

He pointed to the signs in the shops, all advertising special offers for Lanima, or “Buy one, get one half off for your lanima” deals.

“When they meet the one or ones most compatible with them, their telepathy lights up their minds like a pinball machine, letting them know they’ve found the one.”  

Loud voices interrupted his explanation, and a moment later, a tall, svelte woman chased an average-looking bloke around the corner. “I don’t know why our minds connected,” she said, her voice snide. “It’s obvious that I’m way out of your league.”

Rose winced along with the man, then looked at the Doctor. “I thought you said this was a romantic holiday. And that their telepathy made sure these people were connected to the person best suited for them.” She gestured at the retreating couple. “That didn’t look very romantic to me.”

The Doctor shoved his hands into his pockets and stared at the couple. “It didn’t, did it?” he said absently. That was absolutely not what was supposed to happen during Lanima. The initial connection between matched minds was supposed to be euphoric as neurotransmitters that encouraged pair-bonding were released by all partners.  

He glanced down at Rose. Her eyes were bright and curious, and there was a frown creasing her forehead as she watched other Koroligans fight their intended partners. A swell of affection swept over him. He always loved watching Rose as she worked out the truth behind their adventures.

“I brought you here so we could enjoy the festival, but if that’s any indication, there might not be a festival to enjoy.” The Doctor bounced lightly on his toes. “What do you say, love? Are you ready to do a little investigating?”

First adventure back!! It’s been exactly a year since they left the Valiant, and they’ve stumbled across people needing their help... and they’re finally ready to give it.

And hey, if their first adventure is to help people whose telepathic bonds with their soulmates have been tampered with... *cough* that’s not at all symbolic or anything.

From chapter 5:

The Doctor didn’t realise he’d moved until he felt the texture of the brush strokes underneath his fingers. He pulled back then, not wanting to damage the painting in any way. Reaching for Rose, he twined their hands together.

“I call it ‘Where our Hearts Are,’” Rose said.

In the painting, he and Rose were stretched out on his coat, looking up at the stars. His arm was raised, pointing at a distant star. She’d clearly captured him in mid-ramble, telling her all about the system he was pointing at. The expression on her own face was half loving indulgence as she enjoyed watching him in his element, and half growing excitement as he laid out what was presumably their next destination.

To complete the picture, the TARDIS was parked on the hill above them. One of her doors was propped open, letting the bluish green light of the time rotor spill out into the night. The ship was clearly ready to go, as were the Doctor and Rose.

They’d found their way home, back to the place where travelling and exploring the universe together was what made them feel most like themselves. That was, as Rose had poetically put it, where their hearts were. And they were finally ready to tackle that life again.

The Doctor felt Rose’s hand on his shoulder, and when he looked over at her, she had her lower lip caught between her teeth. “Do you like it?”

She was asking two questions in those four words. Do you like the painting? Are we ready?

He kissed her temple. “Yeah, I like it.”

Rose smiled, but her eyes still sought his, the second question needing a more explicit answer.

He leaned down and rested his forehead against hers. “And do you know what else, Rose? Travelling with you—I love it.”

“Yeah?” she breathed as a smile stretched across her face.

“Oh yes,” he promised.

Her eyes lit up and she pushed herself up on her toes to press her lips to his. The Doctor wrapped an arm around her waist and turned to face her so he could deepen the kiss. Excitement thrummed in his veins as their future sparked around them, their twined timelines shimmering as they danced across the stars.

The Doctor and Rose in the TARDIS—next stop, everywhere.

I really love that this is where the story ends. They’ve come full circle, from being unable to handle the dangers and risks inherent in their lives, through all the trauma, and back to where they can jump into trouble once more. (Even if trouble is just the bits in between.)

And this painting has an additional meaning that you’ll discover tomorrow when you read the first chapter of Forever and Never Apart. 

[writerpoetstoryteller]

thirteen reasons why encourages SUICIDE and i don't know why the fuck u like it or are promoting it what is wrong with you do u want ppl to kill themselves and think what they're doing is okay???????????????

Okay several things here. I appreciate you coming to me with your concerns so I’m going to do my best to address them with what I believe to be the truth. You and others are more than welcome to disagree and to voice that, I will read everything and take it into account, I can always learn something.

Go below the cut to see my thoughts on this, sorry it got so long.

1). Is there any need for you to be so rude and aggressive towards me just for saying I like a very popular show? Personally, I don’t believe that there is. I appreciate your frustration and anger over this, I know it is an important issue so I sympathise but please don’t take it out on me.

2). I like it for a lot of reasons. It is a very cleverly done show in a lot of ways and I appreciate it for what it is. Things like having Clay hurt his head early on so we can distinguish between present Clay and the flashbacks easily is a great technique and as a media studies student I spot a lot of stuff like that. I also appreciate the diversity and representation throughout the show, particularly the way Tony’s sexuality was handled. It’s also a much grittier version of the YA contemporary genre than I have previously seen and that’s really interesting to me. In fact, that opened me up to a whole new genre for my writing as I’ve previously only written sci-fi/dystopia/fantasy. So I love it for that, I’m now writing a contemporary novel!

3). Personally, I don’t see it as encouraging suicide. I do know that the usual guidelines dictate that you should not show the suicide being acted out on screen as this might encourage impressionable people to copy cat and that they did break that guideline. This is just my personal opinion but: 

I believe there is a world of difference between what 13 Reasons Why did and say, what American Horror Story does in Murder House with Violet. Let’s dissect that. (Warning: Seriously, don’t read the next bit if you have any trauma or triggers relating to suicide. Please don’t. Just skip to part 4).

In American Horror Story, Violet takes a lot of pills. This is a relatively peaceful way to go, there is no mess, it is portrayed as almost glamourous: Violet the beautiful blonde, eyelids fluttering shut as she sinks into the bed, delicate grip on the bottle loosening as she loses consciousness, that close up of her slender wrist outstretched on the bed.

And of course it is shown to be romantic. Tate is there to save her (or not as it turns out). He is the hero, he takes her to the bath and tries to wake her and he screams that he loves her. His pain is being used to make it seem worthwhile somehow - she got his attention but alas too late. It is supposed to be tragic, Romeo and Juliet style. 

That is hugely problematic. Can’t even begin to talk about how problematic that is. 

In contrast, we have Hannah’s suicide scene in 13 Reasons Why. This is not glamourous at all. They were careful with how they portrayed this (note: in the books it is implied she took pills. They could have done it the same problematic way as AHS but chose not to). Hannah gets into the bathtub to kill herself but they deliberately kept her fully clothed and in very loose, plain, boring clothes at that. She is not glamourised. This is not the pretty choice. 

And they continue with that. When she cuts herself she is trying not to scream in pain. It is hard work, it hurts. When she is found, it is her parents who find her. Her parents who scream and cry for their baby girl.

The message is very different: in AHS it is easy to die, glamorous, romantic even. An impressionable person struggling with depression say, might believe that lie and try to copy. In 13RW it is painful, hard to watch, heart breaking. It is not sugar coated, that is why it is so important for the camera not to look away. it is the truth of the act of suicide or as close as we can get and I would hope that anyone watching would think what I did “god. i don’t think i could manage that.”

I know that this is just my opinion, but this is how I read that scene. That’s why I don’t have a problem with it as much as others do. 

4). Having said all of that, do I believe this is a good representation of suicide as a whole? No. I don’t. The concept that there is someone to blame for suicide is not a healthy one. Indeed, as someone who’s mother is in counselling for guilt about two suicides that have occurred in or around our family (more on that later) it is an incredibly harmful one. There should have been far more focus on mental health and Hannah’s deterioration and things like the rape and the impact that had on her mental health, rather than on the onus put on others. I agree with that. Jay Asher, the author behind the book, did talk about how Hannah is meant to be a flawed character, just because she blames others does not make it okay. I think the text is problematic in that this is not clear enough to viewers. Maybe I was able to enjoy it more because I felt that Hannah was an unlikable character and so questioned her judgement throughout anyway? I don’t know.

5). You are also right that I should not be promoting this show to just anyone. I would never ever recommend that anyone with suicide or self-harm in their past or who has a loved one who struggles with these issues and is impacted by that, watch this unless they are mentally prepared for what is to come. 

6). What is wrong with me? Good question. I have an anxiety disorder (probably GAD. It’s suspected but I haven’t got a diagnosis yet, i intend to persue that once my exams are finished). I have many of the anxiety symptoms related to being raised by an alcoholic (I wasn’t but my mum was and I as a child have inherited these traits). I am a recovering self-harmer (its about two years more or less since I cut. I’m doing good so don’t worry about me). I’m not telling you this as a guilt trip or anything so I hope it doesn’t feel like that. I’m just telling you so you know that I do know about these kinds of issues and about mental health first-hand. 

Which leads into:

7). Do I want people to kill themselves? No. I mentioned earlier two suicides in my family. My grandfather who I have never met because of depression and suicide. And a very close friend of my mum’s. She was the one who found him, in much the same way Hannah’s parents found her. She’s traumatised by that as you would expect. 

Maybe that’s why I appreciate the visceral way that 13RW showed that scene. Maybe because on some level I feel it represents the pain and anguish my mum went through when she found someone. I believe that art shouldn’t look away from our pain. Maybe I liked it for holding up a mirror to what my mum went through and is going through.

But that’s just me and the life experiences I brought with me to that scene. Everyone interprets things differently based on what experiences they bring with them. So you’re more than welcome to disagree.

Just no. I don’t want anyone to kill themselves. I’ve seen the way that messes up the people who are left behind. And maybe you could have learned something from the show: after all, the message is that you don’t know what is going on in someone else’s life or how your actions might affect them. So anon I want you to sit down and think about the fact that I shouldn’t have had to tell you something as personal as all this. Think about how your actions of implying that me liking a show means I want people to commit suicide might affect someone like me, who has been impacted by suicide. Think about it. Learn from it.

8). Do I think what they are doing is okay? it’s hard for me to say. I don’t think they did anything evil. I appreciate the show for a huge number of very different reasons. But I do also believe that there were things they didn’t do and should have done. 

- Made it clearer how flawed Hannah was 

- Given a representation of being able to seek help and has this be positive (so people struggling know they can get help. You can. I did and it’s what saved me in the end). 

- Made it clearer that in the end it was her choice and others should not be blamed for that

- Put more focus on mental health. The bullying story and moral were important and very well done but should have been given alongside a mental health one. 

Especially since they are aiming for a teen audience like me. When you make something for kids you are obligated to protect them and I think there are ways this could have been done better. 

So there you go anon. I hope this answers your questions. Again, thanks for coming to me with your concerns. Please, feel free to continue to do so (about this or anything else I say), my inbox is always open.