#Let bruce go feral I think it’s funny

[holy-obsession-batman]

UDRH but Nightwing is trying to 1) hide that he’s still Renegade 2) babysit Rose Wilson

Quick recap for those who don’t know what I’m talking about, after some very bad no good events happening to Nightwing in Blüdhaven, Slade Wilson aka Deathstroke offers Dick a deal to make the city neutral, free of both superheroes and supervillains. In exchange, Dick is to help train Deathstroke’s daughter, Rose aka the second Ravager.

However, Dick ends breaking the deal, turning Rose against her father and to the heroic side. Slade gets his revenge some time later by literally wiping Blud’ off the map via nuclear bombing — and that bit happens right at the same time as the events of Under the Hood. Now. What if Dick didn’t break his deal with Slade, and is still being Renegade, Deathstroke associate and Ravager’s tutor when UDRH happens?

Imagine Nightwing coming to Gotham to help with the Red Hood situation, except he’s got Rose on tow, because that was the only way Slade let him go: taking part in or at least watching a bat operation will be a meaningful experience for her. (Also dad-ing really doesn’t come naturally to this dude and he really, really need a brat-free vacation least he ends up snaping and eviscerating her)

The Bats have NO IDEA what Dick has been up to since Blockbuster’s death 8 months ago.

Feats:

Dick still too chicken to explain his last 8 months to Batman (Blockbuster’sdeath-Tarantula-jail-joiningthemob-Slade’sdeal), doing a bad job of dodging everyone’s question about why the fuck he was MIA for huit months

Tries (and fail) to hide Rose’s whole existence from the bats, ends up panicking and blurting out that she’s his sidekick (then has to pay her to play along)

the good, old, linear buildup in tension in the Red Hood investigation for the dramatic confrontation with Batman gets kinda thrown off as both the Batfam AND Jason keep getting distracted by the bits they learn about Nightwing’s MIA months

They all find out different bits separately

Babs thinks Rose is Dick’s new girlfriend and Rose gleefully plays into it. Actually angst topic because this is Tarantula trigger for Dick.

Red Hood watches in amusement Dick’s utter failure at damage control with Rose ‘Father, I crave violence’ Wilson ("No, you don’t get to gut the goons!"), finds it funny and goads her on.

Rose and Jason feed on each other’s menace gremlin energy and everyone suffer through ten times the drama. (The combined chaos is the only reason Dick manages to dodge the bat-inquiries for as long as he does)

"Are- are they—oh god, they’re flirting—"

If I were to do it character by character:

Dick: too chicken, desperately tries to believe he can dodge everything and just leave again

Rose: spends her unending feral energy in equal part on making Dick’s life a living hell and enthusiastically flirting with him, (he’s gentleman-ing the hell outa dodge). Match with Jason in freak, daddy issues, blood craving, secret longing for love, mental age, edginess and terrible flirting skill.

Bruce: hasn’t had access to his emotional support Dick Grayson for nearly a year, his communication skill has regressed to inarticulate. Distressed Fussing Hovering Brooding. He’s trying to investigate what happened to Nightwing but at the same is afraid to cross some boundary and have him go to ground again so he’s holding back a lot.

Babs: awkward mixed feelings between worry for Dick and the ex-girlfriend package of bitterness and suspicion. Suspects that Rose is Dick’s latest love interest.

Jason: in all his freshly-bathed Red Hood glory, at peak angst potential. Still a chaos gremlin who finds Nightwing’s hardships with the Ravager hilarious, and eggs her on. Also still concerned curious about wtf got to Nightwing, and trying unsuccessfully to investigate. Match with Rose in freak, daddy issues, blood craving, secret longing for love, mental age, edginess and terrible flirting skill.

Tim: has just spent the last few months with the Titans under violent attacks of Joey Wilson (check out this post it’s hilarious). Subsequently not impressed with Red Hood’s attempt in Titan Tower, also very up to date on Wilson family lore. He’s the one to figure out the shit.

Also this proposed fic ends with everyone and their mother father getting their asses kicked by Cass—as it should be.

Bonus: dialogue snippets

(Masterlist)

[frownyalfred]

u made three (3) whole posts about dragon bruce and im over here going absolutely batshit (hah) feral over it, so im just here to pour oil in the fire to keep it burning as long as humanly possible

anyway does that mean we get egg baby Damian? dragon baby Damian? "Damian don't chew on your brothers"?

also for slight angst was Alfred part of Thomas hoard?

Chag sameach and ty for the food!

Chag Sameach and Shabbat Shalom! I like to think maybe Damian didn't inherit Bruce's side of the dragon shifting, he got some sort of Drake (?) shifter from Talia's side. Or maybe he's just a carrier with a few dominant traits, like claws, but isn't a full shifter. Mostly because I want to imagine that the entire Batfamily are normal humans except Bruce, because I think it makes the dragon stuff even more interesting. And a little funny. With dragon AUs I see the inclination to make everyone a dragon, but I think the contrast is way more delicious. Bruce is weird! He's the weirdest one out of all of them. Damian might grow claws and snarl, but Bruce is like, on a whole other level of weird dragon shit 24/7.

Alfred was definitely hoarded by Thomas, and Martha on a bad day (lol). They swore him to (voluntary) servitude basically the moment they met him, and would probably only let him go if he asked -- an ultimatum of sorts. They loved him but they were also insanely possessive of him. Bruce inherited that blended feeling for Alfred, but I think it's a little more muted just because Alfred served in that parental role too.

[youremyheaven]

Krittika: The Tarzan Complex & Survival Strategies

TW: murder, rape, genocide, euthanasia, death, violence, misogyny

This is part 2 of my ongoing Krittika series. This research was commissioned by the wonderful, angelic and patient, @rscelestia-blog . Being commissioned to do nakshatra research by you guys makes me feel like I'm a renaissance artist and you guys are my Medici family ✨🥺🫶💛 I'm so grateful for it.

For this post, I wanted to look into how this nakshatra often manifests in men. Whenever I talk about how naks manifest irl, I am talking about a tendency not a rule. Astrology is not a perfect science and it is very much possible that someone could have these placements and not behave this way. Also there are hundreds of different tendencies for each nak, since every astrologer is a mere human being with limited knowledge, what they derive from their studies is perhaps only a handful of such possibilities. Therefore every nakshatra has vast room for interpretation.

All that said, I have often thought that Krittika men were a bit unrefined and mannerless for a long time. I think this broadly applies to Solar men in general because they're a "guy's guy". However, this observation was further cemented by an ask that I received a long time ago where an anon pointed out how many actors who have played Tarzan or Tarzan like characters have Krittika nakshatra.

I will be making a separate post about the 'feral child' trope and how its most acutely manifest in a different planetary type but for this post I want to focus on the 'uncivilized' nature of Krittika/Solar men.

I had mentioned in my previous Krittika post about how since Krittika nak follows Bharani where creation takes place, Krittika is about survival.

In fact, the theory of 'survival of the fittest' was put forward by another Solar man aka Charles Darwin, Uttarashadha Moon

The term was originally coined by Herbert Spencer, Ketu in Uttaraphalguni after reading Origin of the Species

 Alfred Russel Wallace, whose own theory about the mechanics of evolution was almost identical to Darwin's, had a Solar stellium (Mercury & Venus in Uttarashadha and Jupiter in Krittika)

In Nazi Germany, they appropriated Darwin's "survival of the fittest" to eradicate anybody who wasn't Aryan or 'fit'. One of the key proponents of the same was an officer named Alfred Rosenberg, Uttarashadha Sun who was hanged to death after the war. He helped advance involuntary euthanasia to eliminate mentally ill and disabled individuals.

Now, lets go into Tarzan.

Tarzan is from an aristocratic British family and after losing his parents, he is adopted by the leader of the ape tribe, among whom he is raised. He later experiences civilization, rejects it and returns to the wild.

Many actors who have played Tarzan have either Solar influence or Venusian influence. In the 2 dozen actors who have played this character, the majority are Venusian tbh but I'll explore that more on a separate post about Venusian men. I think its interesting how different aspects of this character fit these two planetary types.

Here are some men who have played Tarzan

Johnny Weissmuller, Mercury and Venus in Krittika

He played Tarzan in 12 films and Jungle Jim in another dozen films and its TV adaptations as well.

Bruce Bennett, Krittika Sun (unrelated but i find this pic so funny lmao)

Tony Goldwyn- Krittika Sun and Venus (atmakaraka)

He voiced Tarzan in the 90s film

Tarzan has always been played by other Solar natives like:

Wolf Larson- Uttaraphalguni Moon

Alexander Skarsgaard- Uttaraphalguni Stellium

Now when we think of Tarzan, what do we most associate with him? He is a man who was raised in the jungle by apes since he was a baby, so he is "uncivilized" and by most standards "lacking manners", he is wild, messy, uncouth, improper and defies all kinds of social norms. We usually associate "mannerlessness" with belonging to perhaps a lower class in society but here is where Krittika and Solar men surprise us. They behave this way despite all that they have. They could be from immensely privileged backgrounds and still act like jungle freaks.

They lack social charisma, grace or "politeness". Tarzan is very independent because he was raised in the jungle where he had to learn how to fend for himself. Similarly, Solar individuals also tend to be very socially independent which means they're often not the best at interacting on a group level. In order to be sociable, you have to emotionally connect with others, Tarzan's early life is not something anybody else can connect to, even if he adopts a more "civilized" behaviour, he's still going to stand out because of how he's lived his life. Even if they're welcomed into and accepted by society, Solar individuals struggle to relate to and emotionally connect to them.

Sun naks are generally known for being a bit emotion-less but in Krittika this manifests in a very "each for himself/herself" mentality that ISNT self-serving. I would say Krittika natives are the least selfish and most service oriented of all the 3 Sun nakshatras. They know that its a dog eat dog world, so they almost have a tendency to be the one who does all the brunt work so that their loved ones can be spared of it?

I'll mention some examples of "mannerless" Krittika men now:

Howard Stern, Uttarashada Sun Krittika Rising

This guy straight up is so RUDE and crass and vulgar with ALL of his guests????

Here is him talking to Matthew McConaughey about his father dying and Matt is no better in this clip either but like wtf?? who talks like that???

Lowkey Solar individuals LOVE to gossip and start shit between people.

Here is a compilation of him being creepy and disgusting to women on his show.

Dana Plato, the actress, committed suicide a day after appearing on his show in 1999. The humiliation she endured is said to have been her breaking point. Her son committed suicide on the 11th anniversary of her death.

When I tell you Solar men are emotionally abusive, either by being avoidant and ignoring you or by being condescending, patronising, openly mocking you and treating you like shit, BELIEVE ME.

Jordan Peterson- Krittika Rising

I dont know if I need to explain why Jordan is a mannerless misogynistic asshole.

Here are some remarks made by Kate Manne, a feminist expert, who critiqued Jordan's work:

"There’s an interesting moment in the book where Peterson talks about resentment as a “revelatory” emotion that can mean one of two things. One, you feel it because you’re immature, in which case you just need to buck up. Two, you feel resentment because you really are being oppressed or taken advantage of somehow. Your resentment shows you that something needs to change or that you need to assert yourself in relation to other people.

But there is clearly a third possibility. People often feel resentful because they appear, based on historically entrenched social norms, to be getting a bad bargain, when what’s actually happening is that others are getting a somewhat fairer deal. When you’re accustomed to unjust privilege, equality feels like oppression, as the saying goes." (link to the whole article)

This is such a classic example of the way Solar individuals think. They don't really think in terms of privilege, justice, fairness etc??? They just think you can work hard enough to erase all the other socio-economic-political barriers that make things harder for others?? This is of course until they've had first hand experience of difficulties of this sort lmao but they are naturally not wired to think too much, they're very simple minded, like Tarzan, that's why Sun is the most Yang of energies. Its a very action-goal oriented line of thought. They are almost incapable of thinking in abstract or trying to see things within the context and subtext in which it has occurred.

This is also why they are often very academically gifted. Naturally intelligent people struggle the most in school because their brains are not wired to endure the structure and mechanical system of learning that our education system enforces. Intelligence by definition necessitates that the person possessing it is capable of thinking unconventionally and that means finding the school environment really limiting or restrictive bc schools fr be killing the joy of learning.

Solar individuals thrive within these systems because they seldom, if ever, question the system itself, they just learn their material and write the exam. They do not think "unconventionally" or beyond the binary in any way. They accept what they learn to be true and they are more focused on working within the system to climb its ranks. If this is the system we're in, they want to be THE BEST in it and they will master all of its rules to work with it to beat it??

This is why all Solar naks are at the very top of the caste hierarchy, Krittika is a Brahmin nak whereas Uttaraphalguni & Uttarashadha are both Kshatriya naks

Solar individuals are lowkey one of the least empathetic types. I dont mean this to be harsh but they're not very emotionally intelligent and its really hard for them to read a room or intuitively pick up on how someone's feeling/what's on their mind. You reallyyyy need to spell things out for them. It does not come to them naturally to understand how others think or to put themselves in the shoes of others because for Solar individuals everything is kind of a competition and when its a battle of survival, you dont stop to think how your opponents are feeling? this is not to say that they're in "survival mode",, Solars are too unbothered to be in fight or flight 24/7, its just the Tarzan mindset tbh. If you're an animal in the jungle, the jungle is your home, you understand how it operates, how you must hunt or starve, you know what your odds are, you cant be here feeling too empathetic towards other creatures knowing full well that you have to hunt them down and eat them or otherwise starve yourself to death. Animals are comfortable, secure and chill in their habitat but they also understand the stakes so they're always survival minded? Because it truly is each for his/her own out there.

Mark Wahlberg- Krittika Stellium (Mercury, Venus AK and Saturn)

Wahlberg is an A class asshole. In the 80s he assaulted two elderly Vietnamese men and a group of black children all the while hurling racist abuses at them.

Here is a clip from one of his movies:

I know its a film but this is for real how Solar men view the world. They see everything as a "conquest". (Tarzan mentality)

The simple minded Tarzan mentality is also why in the books and movies, Tarzan is unable to cope with civilization and returns to the jungle. The author said it's because Tarzan saw the world as too corrupt which is perhaps true but it's also because having lived in a jungle where the ruled are pretty simple and standard, being a member of society means adhering to many unspoken ruled and conventions. Solar individuals find it THE hardest to do so and when they're actual being true to themselves, they act like apes of the Howard Stern school.

Salvador Dali, Krittika Stellium (Sun, Mercury & Mars)

To make matters worse, he was UBP Moon (the influence of multiple malefic planets makes one more prone to being an asshole) and I have extensively covered his wrongdoings in my post about Saturnian men

However, for now I want to focus on how Dali was a Nazi sympathizer,

He was also obsessed with Hitler in a perverse way and apparently had homoerotic fantasies of him lmao??

He was once quoted as saying:

"I often dreamed of Hitler as a woman. His flesh, which I had imagined whiter than white, ravished me… There was no reason for me to stop telling one and all that to me Hitler embodied the perfect image of the great masochist who would unleash a world war solely for the pleasure of losing and burying himself beneath the rubble of an empire; the gratuitous action par excellence that should indeed have warranted the admiration of the Surrealists."

He was a big old fascist who also supported the Spanish dictator Franco which made Picasso stop talking to him for the rest of his life.

In 1975, when General Franco executed many people, hundreds and thousands of fascists gathered in support of Franco, chanting his name and making fascists salutes. When the world condemned this appalling act, Dali praised Franco and called him the “greatest hero of Spain.”

George Orwell, a strong critic of the fascist rule in Spain, despised Dali and wrote —

“During the Spanish Civil War, he astutely avoids taking sides and makes a trip to Italy. He feels himself more and more drawn towards the aristocracy, frequents smart salons, finds himself wealthy patrons, and is photographed with the plump Vicomte de Noailles, whom he describes as his ‘Maecenas.’”

Salvador Dali was nicknamed ávida dollars (“eager for dollars”) by his former surrealist friends for selling his consciousness and idealism for money and fame.

Average Solar behaviour

When I talk about Tarzan mentality, I'm referring to how lions dont feel remorse at the thought of killing deers. Its not in their nature to feel remorse. The hierarchy of the eco system is such that lions are predators and its their job to hunt. They are by biological design, carnivores. Its a bit sickening to think of how like animals, who have no choice but to be brutal to survive, Solar individuals often have this ruthless ambition to do absolutely anything to get ahead in life. The world we live in, is a capitalist, patriarchal world and the people who thrive in it are ones who are willing to overlook or dont see the faults in the system at all.

The ones who sit at the very top of the pyramid did not get there by being compassionate angels. 3/4 Brahmin caste naks are "ugra" or violent nakshatras, Krittika is the exception, as it is a "mishra" nakshatra (mishra means "mixed"). The ones at the very top are the most brutal and fierce. There is no other way to get to the top in this world.

Carrie Fisher, Krittika Moon

The singer James Blunt (Shatabhisha stellium) who was besties with Carrie, wrote in his memoir:

“I was closer to Carrie than almost anyone else in the world, except my wife. She told me which girlfriends weren’t suitable, was the first person I told when I met my wife, and we chose engagement rings for her together.

She also knew where every unmarked grave of mine lay and where every guilt stemmed from. She was complicit too. When I arrived home one morning with a love bite on my neck, and my girlfriend of the moment about to arrive, Carrie grabbed her 16-year-old daughter and gave her a love bite as well.

Then Carrie summoned me over, offering her own neck, and told me to give her a love bite. When the girlfriend arrived, we all had love bites.

There was also an issue with drugs. Carrie had long been open about her addiction, but at some point it was obvious enough to be of concern.

I stood many times at the foot of her bed at 3am listening to the laboured breathing of someone sounding close to death on heavy medication. Not long before she died, I asked her to be godmother to my son, telling her that I wanted her to take care of herself so that he might know her when he grew up.

Charlie, her best friend, confronted her more directly and told her she needed to quit drugs, but was ostracised by her as a result. I took a different approach and did them with her, pretending to myself that I would guide her to redemption one day – just not today.

The lies we tell ourselves are the ­hardest to forgive. As a result, her ­daughter Billie blames me in part for her death, and no longer speaks to me. They buried Carrie’s ashes in a giant ceramic Prozac pill. You can see a picture of it on the CD disc of my first album. There are only two of them in the world, and the other one is my most treasured possession.”

Krittika being a "mishra" or mixed nak means that its just as capable of being tender as it is of being destructive. There are only 2 mishra naks. The other one is Vishaka.

Carrie took James in before he had even made his debut and he lived with her and recorded the songs of his first album in her house. They had a long lasting friendship, all of this points to the kind, nurturing, almost maternal nature of Krittika but the other behaviour he mentioned, including the love bite giving lmao?? Krittika is a Solar nak and they wouldnt be who they are if they weren't competitive for no reason lol and ostracizing people who mean well??? Solarcore AF

I assure you trying to give advice to a Solar is pointless because like the Sun, they too are blinded by their own light, they see nothing, they comprehend nothing except their own projections. Plato's allegory of the cave was about Solars, I swear lmao. The truth can be very very obvious to absolutely everybody else but a Solar WILL NOT SEE IT

They embody this meme:

They're very low on emotional intelligence tbh. You could tell a Solar that someone almost murdered you and they'd be like "oh he's not very nice, is he?" 😭😭😭 I think it's also part of their simple minded Tarzan thinking. They take everything at face value and are straightforward to a fault. They just don't know or understand how crooked people can be.

I have Krittika Moon friend who is dating a Hasta Moon man (Solar x Lunar couples 🤧) and he was disgusting to me IN FRONT OF HER and he's been nasty af to many other women we all know and she wasn't his girlfriend at the time. But even after she knew all of this, she went on to date him and now they've been together for over a year lmao 🤮🤢🤮

They do not see the faults with themselves or with people they love. They live in a bubble of delulu and completely believe that all that glitters IS GOLD. They can be soooo naive, its insane. Theyre naive girls in bad bitch packaging.

Solar individuals struggle more than any other type to understand that things are not always black and white and that real life is veryyy complicated because people are complicated. In the jungle, such abstractions do not exist, things are very black and white, you can easily arrive at solutions by thinking in a very binary way. Sun nakshatras are focused on survival and this mentality warps their mindset from perceiving things in a more complex and nuanced way.

I want to emphasize once more that survival mentality is NOT being in flight/fight mode,, its more so about operating from a place of maximum efficiency and cutting out all the unnecessary bullshit. But being in survival mode is not living. We are not animals and there is more to life than just...surviving.. and thriving..

Solar individuals are the type for whom every kind of experience is a status symbol of some sort. Be it being desired, succeeding at school/work, making x amount of money, they dgaf about "enjoying" things, they are absolutely not the "stop to smell the roses" type, they want to be like the people who they envy or look up to, they want all those markers of success. Ask them about their motivations and you'll seldom hear of an emotional one.

They're mostly driven by a need to do well in life just because. We live in a world where money is king, and where certain things are conventional indicators of success and even if they have absolutely no desire for a certain kind of house, or car or brand or relationship, they do not want to be perceived as someone who is incapable of having it???? so they work hard to get it?? They get it for show, basically.

There is a reason why the ONLY nak without a yoni consort is a Solar nakshatra (Uttarashada). The height of Solar energy is such that its truly each for his/her own, no partners whatsoever.

Jack London, Uttarashadha Sun

He wrote books like a The Call of the Wild and numerous other adventure stories which are all about surviving in the wild by yourself lol

Its funny how literally the themes of certain naks and planetary influences are made manifest

 Richard Gadd- Krittika Sun and Venus

He is the star and maker of Baby Reindeer, which, if you really think about it, is a survival story. You have got to ask yourself is someone subject you to brutal stalking of the kind Gadd was subject to, would you spend YEARS of your career performing and reliving it? There could be many reasons why he chose to do so and many have found it highly problematic how a man whose privacy was so brutally invaded for so long would do so little to properly hide the identities of the real people he's talking about (his stalker was found out by netizens and she's been receiving death threats etc).

I feel like it points to the nature of the Sun. They will have the last word always and even when they're losing, they'll drag you down with them. But beyond that, I feel like it points to the ambition and tenacity of Krittika and their sheer will power.

Pitbull, Uttarashadha Sun, Krittika Moon & Rising

His life story is extremely Solar

The "American dream" tbh is a very Yang one and a very Solar one

He was born in USA to immigrant parents.His family has a history of fighting against the Castro regime in Cuba. When he was three, he could recite the works of Cuban national hero and poet José Martí in Spanish. He learned English by watching Sesame Street as a child. His father was largely absent from his childhood; his parents separated when he was young, and he was raised mostly by his mother, later stating: "my mom is my father and my mother." He briefly stayed with a foster family in Roswell, Georgia. His parents struggled with substance abuse; as a teenager, he was also involved with drug use and dealing, which eventually led to him getting kicked out of the family house.

Divorce, war, natural calamities, destruction of any kind is veryyy common for people born under Krittika, Ardra, Uttarashadha, Jyeshta, Ashlesha nakshatras.

Pitbull's parents were separated, they fled Cuba, he was kicked out and was literally left to fend for himself.

He said he chose his stage name of Pitbull because the dogs "bite to lock. The dog is too stupid to lose. And they're outlawed in Dade County. They're basically everything that I am. It's been a constant fight". Literally so Solarcoded??

I'll end this post here, I have more posts to come about Krittika and Solar naks so stay tuned. I hope this was insightful

I am sooooo sorry that I have been soooo slow with my uploads lately,, I just have a lot on my plate atm 😭😭😭I am going to try my best to be more consistent cause I want to finish this series asap as I have several other pending posts to make UGHH

[pricetagofficial]

Day 18: Snowball Fight

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader

Warnings: Language, fluff, Snowball Massacre™️

A/N: Welcome to day 18! It has been a while since I have written for Jason, so I hope this lives up to it! Header by me, and divider by @cafekitsune

Masterlist

What had started out as a walk through Robinson Park, was not how things ended.

You and Jason decided it was a nice day to go out, and enjoy the snowy weather and each other's company. Lately, he'd been so busy helping the other bats in Gotham that he didn't have much time with you.

Both of you could feel that light tension, of weeks of not having longer than a few moments alone together. So this afternoon was long overdue.

Jason must have been so content, and honestly distracted by the time he spent with you he didn't notice the group of what he likes to call feral gremlins following you.

That was, until he got a snowball to the back of his head.

Turning on his heel immediately, Jason put himself in front of you effectively being the barrier for whoever threw that.

Peeking out around him, you looked up. "Jay, what happened?"

"Some fucker thought it'd be funny to throw a snowball." he grumbled.

"A snowball?"

Jason nodded, before he nudged you gently. "You see that log over there?"

Looking to your side, you saw the large snow covered log. Nodding in response, you gripped his hand.

"When I give you the sign, make a run and duck behind that. But first, be a doll, and make me a snowball real quick?"

You gave Jason an incredulous look, before you gathered a lump of snow and formed it into a ball before placing it into his hand.

"Thanks, Princess. The second this ball leaves my hand, make a break for it."

Jason looked around, his sharp eyes trained for moments like this. He knew they were there, even if he couldn't see them. But he didn't expect anything less from these people.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw it. Not waiting a moment, Jason turned and threw the snowball. Immediately, you took off running hearing a grunt of pain.

Jason was right behind you as a barrage of snowballs began to fly towards you. The second you hid behind the log, you began to make snowball after snowball helping Jasno get supplied for the sudden snowball fight you were drug into.

Peeking up, you watched as Jason threw another and nailed someone in the face.

"Gotcha Replacement!"

"Fuck you! We're not all snipers like you are!"

The laugh Jason let out warmed your heart. There was once a time Jason tried to kill Tim, and hated him enough to do it. Now here he was, engaged in a snowball fight.

Grabbing another, Jason threw it and nailed another person in the face.

"What the hell! That's not fair!

"Not my fault you can't hide in that purple monstrosity of a coat."

One by one, Jason nailed everyone in the face. Tim, Stephanie, Duke, Damian, Cass, Barbara he got in the shoulder out of respect. That, and she might actually kill him if he got her in the face.

There was only one person left, and arguably he was more dangerous than Jason.

Both of you were at the ready for the slightest tell of where he could be. You were so focused, that you didn't until a snowball was mushed on top of both of your heads.

"Gotch, Little Wing."

Looking up, you saw Dick with his million-dollar grin, and a mischievous glint in his eyes. A glint you knew meant trouble, and you did not want to be caught in it this time.

Quickly you crawled away as Jason turned and tackled Dick into the snow and began throwing it at him while laughing.

What was a snowball fight, turned into a snowball massacre, and was now just a snow fight between Dick and Jason.

Stepping to the side, you were soon joined by everyone else as they all had marks on their face from where the snowball got them, Tim's right in the middle of his forehead.

"So, how long do you think these two will be?" Duke asked.

You shared a look with everyone.

"Might as well tell Bruce they will be running a little late."

Duke looked confused. "Patrol doesn't start for another five hours?"

"Better make that really late."

[necrotic-nephilim]

Brujay brusteph jaysteph(?)

They both have massive daddy issues, died as Robin and somehow Jason can't tell which makes him angrier, that Bruce never avenged either of them or that there is no memorial for Steph.

Let them kiss angry about it ❤️

YES YOU GET IT, JAYSTEPH PROPAGANDA HOURS

i've always had big feelings about Jason and Steph's feelings about each other and how i always wish we got a bigger canon reaction out of Jason toward Steph's death instead of it being basically glossed over. especially because of how recently Steph died compared to Jason's return. i think it's fun if Jason actually doesn't know Steph existed for a while until he's fighting Tim and he says the wrong thing about dead Robins and Tim, who's struggling to mourn Steph says something very feral and mean about Jason disrespecting Steph's memory.

like, Black Mask is often associated as a Red Hood rogue and he "killed" Steph, so why isn't Jason mad about that? why isn't he going after Mask bc of that? it'd be so good. especially if Roman, not knowing Jason was Robin, tries to brag to jason about having killed a Robin and it makes Jason's blood turn cold bc how did he miss that fact.

and adding BruJay and BruSteph is. so good i wish there was more BruSteph in this fandom. when Jason confronts Bruce and he *demands* to know if Bruce had a *thing* with her too. honestly? sort of fun if by a cruel twist of fate, Bruce only slept with Jason and Steph, not Tim or Dick. like maybe he had feelings for Dick that never got actualized and maybe Tim avoided it, but Steph wanted to prove herself to Bruce and had her own weird feelings about Batman and Jason was just so full of hero worship. so Bruce lives with the guilt the two Robins he slept with are the dead ones, and maybe that's a curse on it's own. and now Jason is old enough to know what he had with Bruce was sort of fucked up (even if he still craves it) and it's fucked up even more than Bruce *did it again*. another kid's life ended just to be Bruce's other half.

and when Steph comes back to Gotham and becomes Batgirl (something Bruce disapproves of) i think it's fun if Jason goes to check her out. bc now he has *more* in common with her. two Robins who defied death. maybe he's just curious about her, maybe he wants to get back at Bruce, maybe it's both. but Steph is back and just as angry as Jason that she has no memorial and somehow, Jason is the only one who gets her anger. sure Tim understands her anger and is angry on her behalf, but Jason *gets* it. somehow Steph is sitting on rooftops, venting to him when she knows she shouldn't trust him. she knows she shouldn't *be like* him. but she sort of wants to get back at Bruce too and well. Jason is handsome and funny and has tortured Black Mask just to avenge her and so just once. Steph lets herself have this selfish thing.

Steph does send Bruce a picture of herself in bed with Jason just to fuck with him. Bruce predictably loses it. it's a win-win for Steph and Jason, to have each other and get back at Bruce. and eventually, they both cave to Bruce and there's BruJaySteph as god intended <3

[draco-after-dark]

I'm honestly so curious about how JD is gonna react to Brandy. Like unless she comes to Pop village he's gonna have to be willing to travel to meet her and Bruce wouldn't let a bite risk around his kids especially since JD already bit him.

I imagine like they go to Vacay Island and JD hangs out in the woods and Bruce brings Brandy to meet him (obviously warned about the size difference prior) while the bros watch the kids (chaos potential). I feel like it would be funny if he instantaneously likes her

OOoooo I like this Idea might turn it into one of the later chapters.

This would definitely be an endgame type of situation both for the safety of JD and Bruce's family. Mans already panics around too many trolls imagine him surrounded by actual giants. it would not be a good time for ether party. He definitely would launch one of those exploding star cookies at one of them.

once their past all that it would definitely be so fucking wholesome though. Bruce would be so nervous about John freaking out and running off (something they all quickly realized was a habit of his).

Bruce would be very relived and surprised to discover that when he meets Brandy they hit it off pretty well. John is of course wary at first but Brandy just quietly sits in the nearby grass with Bruce and they just wait for him to come over on his own. She starts sharing stories of their kids (also stories about Bruce and he gets embarrassed L) Its like their having a nice picnic.

Later when they all go to the beach (the rest of the brothers/uncles were looking after the kids for them and took them all to the beach). Bruce would tell John be love for him to join them on the beach but understands that all his kids can be a lot so John just sticks hanging out near the edge of the forest away from the water.

I like to think one or two of Bruce's kids would be curious on who the lonely troll hanging back is. Bruce would explaining simple that it's actually his older brother (aka their eldest uncle) but that he's not great with people and prefers to just observer from afar. There's always that one kid that cant shake the curiously though so Bruce simple tells them they can go see him in they want but to be careful and not to be to shocked if he just bolts into the forest.

i like to think it was Cove or Bruce JR. who are the first once to approach John Dory. Both for different reason Bruce Jr. because curiosity and he is the bitter of the family so it would be very funny for the two who have both bitten him to just hit it off and start running around like absolute goblins.

Cove because as far as i know he's the one that dissed Bruce and gives me quiet sarcastic sibling vibes so i feel like he would just walk over to JD and sit in the sand. Also because i think he would do it to spite Bruce for some reason idk. Sit next to him quietly for a bit and then just start ranting about something. JD just quietly listening next to him because talking is hard (sorry bro)

I don't know much about kids but from what i know of helping with kids camps some of them just really like to talk about whatever their thinking about. (especially siblings) Kids aways appreciate just being heard so i feel like because Feral JD is already naturally quiet a few of Bruce's kids would take a liking to him quickly.

[kiseiakhun]

What are your messy, bitchy JayKyle headcanons? What's the top/bottom situation and also how much fighting is there over it?

Funny answer: much like with KyleWally, Jason and Kyle both fight over being the bottom because like hell they're putting effort in to fuck someone THIS annoying

Actual answer: I think they switch pretty regularly once Jason trusts Kyle more but Jason "trust issues" Todd would NOT let himself bottom for some cocky tryhard like Kyle. And Kyle does not have those trust issues but the thought of letting Jason fuck him makes his insides shrivel up like prunes until he sees how big Jason's dick is. And then he wants it but he won't tell Jason he wants it but Jason is too much of a gentleman to push Kyle down and take what he wants no matter how much Kyle riles him up so no one gets fucked and Kyle is dissatisfied. Jason probably clocks pretty quickly that Kyle wants Jason to fuck him and he is smug. He is so so so smug. He WILL wave it in Kyle's face and make him ask for it. Kyle hates it.

Kyle probably dominates Jason more d/s wise because I don't think Jason has the self control to be a dom in moments of high intensity like that but that comes after they've fucked at least 20 times. That seems long enough for some of their bullshit posturing to drop and for them to admit they actually like each other. Somewhat. Very much in a "he's annoying but at least he's hot" way. I HAVE been craving some of Jason absolutely destroying Kyle though so ¯⁠\⁠_⁠(⁠ツ⁠)⁠_⁠/⁠¯ I think Jason can do it and have fun with it if he leans into his inherent feral nature and lets go a little but his control issues are almost as bad as Bruce's (don't tell him I said that) so I think being in a domineering role gets all tangled up in that. It's easier to let go when you're not the one in the driver's seat.

But also those same control issues would make him Not want to let go and take control of the situation so who knows! When they first flirt with those Dynamics it'll probably be with Jason in the lead because if Kyle tried Jason will bite his dick off.

[cetaceans-pls]

Are you ever going to post the full version of this teehee https://www.tumblr.com/cetaceans-pls/685147739958509568/preview-for-the-jason-todd-zine-red-lights-dark

hey anon! i have so much work strewn between google docs and ao3 and here and i lost track :') here's a lil sunday treat, fic below the cut!

A Habit of Domination BruJay, R, petplay Good boys go woof.

Sometimes, after a particularly athletic night of sex, Bruce and Jason will go to sleep on opposite ends of Bruce’s absurdly huge bed and sleep facedown and unmoving for a solid 10 hours. The blankets will all be on the floor, bare butts facing the ceiling, and if they’re feeling romantic in their sleep they’ll wake up at acute angles to each other, bare toes barely touching.

Sometimes, after a particularly athletic night of sex, Jason just gets more and more and more wound up, and the absolute last thing he wants to do is fade into quiet sleep.

Nights like these Bruce doesn’t have to do much more than just sit back and take it, sex-drunk and worn down enough that the quiet core of him, that desire to serve that’s kept Batman running for decades, is close enough to the surface that Jason just looks at him and it has Bruce unwinding with a quiet yes on a quieter exhale.

“Must be the full moon,” Jason says as he roughly tugs Bruce to lie flat on his back before he climbs astride his hips. “Must be some janky bit of astrology, B, because you fucked me hard and good,” a quick kiss for a good job well done, “but I’m cranked up worse than before.”

Bruce just snorts, hands coming up to hold on tight to Jason’s waist. “Can’t blame planetary alignment for being a brat, Jason.” He rolls his hips, but the night’s gone soft and so has he. “What do you need?”

Jason, meanwhile, isn’t suffering a similar fate. He rubs his hard cock against Bruce’s chest, leisurely marking his territory. “Dunno, trying to figure it out.” He leans down and bites into the curve of Bruce’s shoulder. With the obscene packed muscle there, it’s more an imposition on his teeth than it is on Bruce, which is offensive. “Could get you to fuck me with a toy, but you look wiped out.”

  

He gets a pinch at the waist for his taunt, Bruce looking placid but for that no-good smirk right at the edge of his lips. “Talking mighty confident for someone who comes on a hair-trigger, Jay,” Bruce says mildly. “Do you really want to get up on your High Horse?”

The only way to stop Bruce from prefixing their sex toys with Bat-something has been to relent and let him instead name them with  godawful puns nobody under the age of 40 would find funny. It’s maybe a little fucked up that Jason finds that endearing, but the High Horse is the world’s finest(!) Sybian redesigned on a rig that makes it rock and roll like a fucking bucking bronco, and a terrible name is a small price to pay for orgasms so intense the oversensitivity starts feeling like death (Jason would know).

Jason shakes his head. “I don’t want to leave the room, don’t want to leave this bed, really. Even if I get you to go fetch the stupid thing, you still haven’t fixed that squeaky wheel, and I’m gonna go fully feral if I go down for breakfast tomorrow and Alfred’s got a can of WD-40 on the kitchen counter.” He slides lower down Bruce’s body, and looks over his shoulder at Bruce’s cock. “You sure you can’t get it up? C’mon, I’ll even go reverse cowgirl. I’ll moan extra loud, go ah ah ah Bruce you’re so big!” He grins, reaching up to press down on the bite mark on Bruce’s shoulder. “A special extra big ego boost as a reward.”

Bruce sits up, and they both wince at the ungodly crack his back makes. “Couldn’t get it up even with that as incentive,” he says, rubbing his scruff against Jason’s neck. “Couldn’t get it up even to please you. I think I’m broken for the night.”

Jason’s never one to be stopped by something as minor as physical limitations. Got an autopsy scar up-down his chest, Jason barely even let death slow him down. “I’m pretty good with my hands,” Jason tells him, dragging his nails up-down Bruce’s chest. “Pretty good at making things work even when they’re not supposed to.” He lets his hands slip up and up and up, till they rest warm and light around Bruce’s neck. “You wanna see how far I can take you?”

“I already know,” Bruce says, almost polite but for the way the grip he has on Jason’s hips go tighter. “You’re being a handful tonight, Jaybird.” 

Oh, Jason’s going to be getting bruises tonight. It warms him right up, riles him further, and he ruts against Bruce’s hip. “Wish I could say the same ‘bout you,” he says pointedly, reaching back and rubbing the back of his knuckles against Bruce’s soft cock. “Wish you were better at taking orders.”

That seems to land exactly the way Jason had aimed, has Bruce twitching and shuddering under him even if his face remains calmly impassive. “Is it going to be that kind of night, Jason?” Bruce asks him very, very quietly, and Jason hadn’t planned on it at the start but right now he really can’t think of anything he’d like more.

“Looks like it’s gonna be,” Jason says, excitement helping him rise to his feet as he jumps clear off the bed, landing with a heavy thump. “Off the bed now, B,” he says as he heads towards a patch of wall that looks like any other patch of wall, except this one rolls up at his light touch. “You know pets aren’t allowed on furniture.”

If Bruce isn’t feeling it, Jason knows he’ll turn around and the man will mutinously still be on the bed.

He’s barely got the collar out before he hears the creaking and thudding of a heavy man being careful to make sound as he climbs off the bed and sits back on his knees. Jason feels a shiver crawl up his spine, makes him straighten up and roll back his shoulders, because yeah, it’s going to be one of the best kinds of nights. 

Nothing too fancy, he thinks. For all that Jason enjoys push-push-pushing Bruce till his breaking point and, on extra special occasions, well beyond that, Bruce has been run down worse than usual with an attempted Arkham breakout. 

No one can accuse him of being a bad owner. 

“Here boy,” he says, clicking his fingers and pointing at his feet. Bruce comes by, limited in his grace by cracking knees and an old back, and comes to a halt right by Jason with his usual mild, impassive face.

That look’s not going to be on there for long. Jason flicks his finger up to the ceiling, and Bruce obediently sits up and looks up, head tilted back, the exact perfect right angle for a collaring. He has a well-trained boy, he does. Jason smugly puts the collar on, just  a thing of black leather that’s softer than butter, free of embellishments. Need little more than a buckle to make Bruce look his best, need less even than that for Jason to know who's a good boy, or

who's a bad one.

He checks that the collar is on just right (a little too tight), just the wrong side of being perfectly comfortable, because Bruce's tastes are, like all the rest of him, aggravating but also precision-designed to maximally appeal to Jason. It says a little too much ‘about the both of them, probably, but what could you want out of a partnership beyond someone who likes it too tight and someone who likes to make it so?

“Down, boy.”

Smooth as anything Bruce comes back to all fours at his feet, and Jason lets his hand rest in hair that’s starting to go gray, takes a moment to feel exactly as on top of the world as the man who domesticated the Bat deserves to feel. “You were bad, weren’t you? Asked you for one little thing, and you couldn’t even give me that.”

Bruce nods gravely, hangdog look dragging down the corners of his lips. Jason presses his palm to Bruce’s cheek to reward the admission, and the heavy push into his hand is headier than a lifetime full of blood rushing to the head.

They’ve tried slave-master stuff, they’ve alphabetically worked their way down most common kinks, and sortof-pet play has stuck harder than most because it’s a pleasant novelty for Bruce to do what’s asked of him and get rewarded for it, and Jason gets off hard on the control and gets off harder on being the only one who can meet the needs of this big bat brute.

 

Yeah, they make a hell of a pair. Jason wants him so badly it’s giving him the beginnings of a migraine.

“You just need more training,” Jason says, brushing hair behind an ear, not forcing eye contact because he knows how funny Bruce can be about that when he’s Like This. “My bad, I let the leash run too long, and now you don’t know how to be good any more, isn’t that right?”

Another nod, and Bruce leans more heavily against Jason, face to thigh, and he’s probably halfway gone just from this. God, Jason can barely contain himself, feels frizzy with electricity and power, and he cannot help but drag his nails down the back of Bruce’s neck, see the slightest red welts trail after them. “Tail kinda night?” he asks, because he’s a conscientious owner, and also because there are fewer things more singularly satisfying than watching stone-faced Bruce trying to adjust to a plus with a wagging rubber tail to it, face caught between embarrassment and a strange sort of satisfaction.

He gets a shake of his head for his trouble, which is unfortunate but also, like. 

Isn’t it the right of pets to be a little bit spoiled? 

“Fine. But you still need to get trained, so’s you can be good for me. C’mon, big guy. Present.”

The early days of all of this had been A Mess, with fights erupting and rocketing out of control at a glance gone wrong or a word better left quiet, both of them extremely keen not to let on just how into this they really, really are. 

Now, though?

Bruce takes a moment to suck a hickey into Jason's thigh before he sits back on his heels, hands propping himself up so his back’s in a curve that hurts, and his hips are tilted up and out. God, if he’d been hard, Jason might have salivated. As is, it’s a near thing.

“Good boy,” Jason says, easy with the positive reinforcement. “See, now, you’re being good all over, but you still won’t get hard for me.” He steps between Bruce’s spread thighs, and nudges at his soft cock with the top of his foot. “That’s no good to me now, is it?”

Bruce shakes his head, and Jason takes a second to mourn how he’s yet to get Bruce to agree to wearing ears. Jason sure would appreciate something shaggy to bury his hands in or see fwip side-to-side whenever they’re in this type of mood.

“Good, at least you know that. Now, how’re we gonna get you going?” There are a few possible answers, depending on what Bruce is feeling like and what Jason is feeling up to. It’s not an elaborate kind of night, long as it’s been, and there’s something to be said for a sure thing, so Jason rubs his thumb across Bruce’s cheek, putting in the exact right amount of pressure to have Bruce’s eyes slowly close.

“There’s a good boy,” Jason says with the confidence of a man who knows he can do almost anything right now and damn well get away with it. He keeps the gentle teasing up for a while, because even in the absence of ears and a tail Bruce fully looks like a massive, hulking dog come to be sweet, and it’s an addictive sight. “Let’s start with a treat, baby, so you know what’s waiting for you if you behave.”

No extra warning needed, he presses the head of his dick against Bruce’s lips, deigns to wait a second to let Bruce have a careful, thoughtful taste, before he’s pushing home with a hearty groan. “Christ, the mouth on you,” Jason says, a little out of breath, reaching down to wrap a hand around Bruce’s throat. He reckons he can almost feel himself, and he definitely can feel the way Bruce is struggling to breathe and struggling to swallow. “Take it now, don’t you want to be good?”

He gets a half-nod, Bruce’s eyes closed, nose pressed flush to Jason’s skin, shuddering like he’s about to burst apart. Jason enjoys the wet, tight heat, pulls back an inch and gives back a mile, biting his lip as Bruce chokes and shudders.

He doubles down, and on the next pull-out push-in he goes as far as he can manage before he squeezes the sides of Bruce’s neck, the exact right way to stop blood from going to the brain. “Hold it,” Jason says sternly, even though he knows he’ll get whatever he wants whatever tone he uses. Bruce doesn’t reply, just works his throat harder, and doesn’t struggle as the seconds crawl by and his breath is gone.

It’s well over a minute when Jason pulls back of his own volition, and Bruce’s deep heaving breath is accompanied by a sharp slap to his face. “How many times do I have to tell you, you tap out when you need to,” Jason says, slapping Bruce again, before holding his hair back so the man can gasp in peace. “Worse ‘n worse ‘n worse, you’re all over the place tonight.”

Bruce, ah, can’t  really register anything except for the disappointed tone of voice. This deep under, it’s hard to realise how close he’d come to passing out, or the edge of concern in Jason’s voice.

Nothing really matters except for Jason, though, so Bruce bends down down down and contritely presses his cheek to Jason’s ankle. This, at least, he’s learned. Submit hard enough, mean it whole enough, and his faults stop being his. All he needs to do is focus on Jason, after all.

(What is Jason if not a miracle, that he came back from the dead with a vengeance? And what’s a miracle for, if not for believing in?)

Jason looks down, and struggles to stay mad at the Bat lying prostrate by his feet. Careful not to dislodge Bruce who’s Gone, and is Gone because he knows Jason’ll pull him back, Jason kneels down on one knee. “C’mon, act this sweet and I’m not gonna punish you for anything,” he says, rubbing down Bruce’s back, nails catching on scabs from the most recent time Croc got his teeth in him. “Just gonna get more and more spoiled, aren’t you?”

 

Long, slow strokes down Bruce’s back, right down to the tailbone, and big guy’s shuddering like a spin cycle falling apart. Delicious, delicious, and if spoiling Bruce rotten is all part of a grand plan to be irreplaceable (to be even more irreplaceable), well.

In the bedroom’s the best place to air out all desires and grievances; Bruce knows what he signed up for, accepting Jason’s vicious single-minded pursuit way back at the start.

Speaking of desires….. Jason digs his hand into the meat of Bruce’s ass, then reaches down and around to grab hold of Bruce’s soft cock. “You really are tapped out, huh, B?” Jason says pityingly, giving a rough squeeze that’s more unpleasant than not. “Really got nothing left to give.”

He half wants to see if he can’t pull out a toy or twelve and force him into hardness, but Jason discards the thought almost as soon as he has it. No, no, for all of Jason’s Big Talk about discipline, he’s still a lost cause when it comes to his big brute. Treats enough to rot your teeth out, thy name is Todd.

Bruce still hasn’t moved, and Jason would be concerned if he was a lesser man. Instead, he reaches back to Bruce’s hair and tugs a little harshly. “Up, up, on the bed. Have a blowout and call it a night, even when you’re bad I’ll still treat you good.”

The slow drag of seconds for the words to settle in Bruce’s head is an ego boost, the panting that accompanies it even more so. Jason stays down, even as Bruce takes long, sweet moments to figure out how to get to his feet and totter hazily towards the bed, scarred back on display, once again tempting Jason to get a big red bat tattooed on from scapula to scapula.

Narcissistic? Sure, but look, see, there’s just one thing about that.

Jason deserves it. Jason’s fucking earned it.

How could you argue to the contrary? Bruce is sprawled out on the bed, looking like a relaxed man dead asleep, but his face is half pressed into the sheets, half turned towards Jason, and the look in his eye is on fucking fire.

“Shoulders down, get on your knees, big guy,” Jason says with fake calm, stalking towards the bed like Red Hood on the prowl, because yeah, this’ll work just fine. He has to squeeze the base of his cock when Bruce obeys without question, even if the temptation’s there to just cum all over that beautiful, beautiful back.

He deserves a treat too, though. Jason climbs onto the bed, reaching over for their expensive lube, and pulls it over to him. “Right, baby,” he says as he gets his fingers wet, gets Bruce’s hole wet. “Gonna have to punish you for being bad, and the punishment is me fucking an orgasm out of you while you’re soft.” Soft all over, takes a finger and then another in like he’s made for it, like he’s made for Jason, rrr. “And when you cum and you’re so oversensitive you think I’m gonna kill you, you’re gonna say thank you. Do you understand me?”

Jason doesn’t get much of a response, just a mess of half-words groaned into the mattress. That’s not good, that’s not what a well-trained mutt should be doing, and Jason would be remiss if he left it as is. He shuffles closer to B, sits up on his knees so he can press his cock to the slick mess of Bruce’s hole, catch on the rim and push in with that heated burn of not-enough-preparation.

God, if he hadn’t been so well worked over in the night, Jason would have lost it then and there, but instead he keeps pushing in, inch by unceasing inch, as Bruce makes unintelligible sounds and tries to buck his hips up. 

It’s a lifetime before Jason’s fully seated, pressed in as deep as he can go, and the heat has him dizzy, sweat beading all along his brow. He takes a breath, then another, and leans forward so his bulk covers Bruce’s back. It somehow gains him another impossible half inch closer, and he’s in the exact right position to set his teeth to Bruce’s shoulder and bite him to blood.

(Might be more than one dog in this bed, fancy that). 

“I said,” Jason growls, pulling out slowly and pushing back in with a sharp snap of his hips, “do you understand?”

Bruce nods fervently underneath him, urgent and desperate as he scrabbles to grab hold of where Jason’s arms are caging him in. “Yes, yes, Jason, yes, thank you, Jason, please,” he says in a voice fucked hoarse, and

Fuck, Bruce has made a liar out of Jason.

There’s no way they’ll be done in one round.

-

Jason comes to slowly, dazed and feeling dehydrated. No surprise, given the hell of a night and they’ve had, but he’s pretty sure he’d fallen asleep while still fully seated inside Bruce and neither of them had gotten up to any kind of aftercare.

Bad practice, bad owner, bad all around, Jason thinks to himself, sitting upright all in a hurry, expecting an empty bed, Bruce tucked in the Cave pretending he hadn’t been brought the lowest he’d ever gone.

Instead Bruce is still next to him, with them both lying in that weird only-feet-touching position they gravitate to when it’s too warm but they’re too loving. Jason waggles his toes, and Bruce waggles his back.

The relief’s like a Heimlich maneuver gone right, probably. Jason lets out a shuddery breath and reaches across the divide to lightly brush his fingers against Bruce’s shoulder. “You doing all right there, old man?”

“Hmm,” Bruce murmurs absently, still looking at Jason as he fiddles with the collar that still is around his neck.

Bad, bad owner. Jason curses, and reaches over for it. “Sorry, should’ve gotten it off before we fell asleep. Are you hurt?”

He gets batted away for his troubles. “I think,” Bruce says, unprompted and absently as he continued fiddling with the buckle, “I might want to try with some ears.”

Jason finds himself swallowing around a mouth gone dry, his cock making a spirited attempt to come back to life. “What? You know you don’t have to-”

Bruce ignores him again, and Jason would be annoyed, he really should be, but the absolute madman just keeps flicking his thumbnail against the metal buckle, a little Gone but mostly returned. “I think a tag would be good,” Bruce says, calm like he’s discussing the weather. “A little red tag, perhaps. Bat-shaped, of course. With the name and number of who to contact, should I get lost. How does that sound, Jason?”

And there’s that crack, that quirk of the lips that indicates that Bruce fully knows the hell he’s unleashing on Jason, that’s got him shuddering like a spin cycle spinning apart, holy fucking shit.

“Give me a taste and I'll take a whole thigh, Bruce,” Jason warns him, scooting closer while he imagines a tag that matches with a brand on the small of a beautiful back, and it has him fully wholly feral. 

Bruce just smiles a little quiet smile, hand still messing with his collar, eyes fully on Jason.

“Then take it.”

[honey-tragedy]

a least to most likely list of which of the robins would hide injuries

dick, is surprisingly the least likely to hide injuries. he got told sence he was able to walk and do stunts that improperly cared for injuries could not only harm him but other performers and thats stuck with him. add in being the leader of the teen titans and trying to set a good example for them, hes fully open with his injuries when hes hurt.

--dick has a spread sheet of injury and when he got them, he thinks it funny

tim is the second least likely to hide injuries, now this is only because in the first year or two of being robin haveing a infection or improperly cared for wound would take him out of the field and away from doing damage control with bruce. and now its just a habit too keep track of his injuries

---tim would hid older injuries that wouldn't effects his field capabilities (spleen spleen spleen) but not anything recent or pressing

up next is duke! duke as the leader of the we are robins thing has had to deal with idiots under his command hideing injuries and he refuses to add that stress onto bruce and alfred. he knows how annoying and worrying it is to have to wonder if your people are actually field ready or lieing too you.

--he would only hid injuries if they came from civilian life or for a stupid thing like triping off a roof or swinging into a wall, but like tim he wouldnt if it was something big or would affect his capabilities

steph is next up, were edgeing into would definitely hide shit, steph does not see bruce as a parent and barely sees him as a boss. shes a latch key kid with a terrible dad and a try her best but not get mom, no way in hell would she come out with injuries outload but she would let alfred treat her if it came up. prefers to go to Leslie cause she trusts her more, and as such bruce usually only hears about her injuries after the fact.

---steph fully mocks bruce that if he was the worlds greatest detective he would know when shes hurt, goes to Leslie or alfred if its really bad

this was a toss up, but damian is next, assassins dont really lend them selves to being good people to tell that your injured, even the ones ment to serve you. damian is basically allergic to telling anyone anything is actually wrong with him ever, unless its him and bruce one of one. bruce is essentially the only person he trusts enough to admit hes injured.

--getting damian to admit hes injured is like trying to give a feral cat a bath, no one likes doing it but its necessary sometimes

jason!! second to last on the list, jason would actually fully chew off his own leg then tell the bats hes injured ever. not only because he doesn't trust 90% of them not to use it to fuck him over, but also because bruce will become simultaneously the most helicopter parent and the emotional brick wall the second he knows Jason's hurt, its honestly worse then being shot to see him try and ground jason like hes still a child, while also being full emotional brick wall batman mode

--jason has pushed tim down the bottomless pit in the cave before just so he could bolt before bruce could quarantine him in the cave cause he got hurt, jason would fully fist fight his way out of the batfam then ever admit hes hurt

and to round it off cass! cass will slink away to hide and lick her wound and you would never know shes hurt unless she lets you. raised as a weapon i dont think David cain was the kinda person to treat an injury with anything other then disappointment, and cass still sees her own injury as failures in her training. shes fully capable of doing most of her own medical care and useing it to her advantage in avoiding telling anyone her injuries.

--cass broke her arm once and as soon as it was put in a cast no one saw her tell it was fully healed. not even bruce is sure where she was or what she was doing during those months

[lwh-writing]

I have been flirting around with a few DP x DC fic ideas (as an author does), and I have come across what I think is my equivalent of Chekhov's Gun. And that is:

The Joker's Crowbar

Essentially, if the Joker is mentioned/appears as a character in Act I, he must be killed off no later than the end of Act II. The "who," "where," "when," and "why" of the matter are subject to change, but the "how" remains forever constant: the Joker must get beaten to death with a crowbar.

Some other laws of The Joker's Crowbar include:

The Joker must remain dead. No revisions, no take-backs, no Lazarus Pit. "The Joker is beaten to death with a crowbar" remains a full and true sentence from the moment of the deed onward.

It should not be a super-powered beat down. The character wielding the crowbar can have powers, if you so desire, but they cannot use them to kill the Joker. Why they don't use their powers is a decision up to the author, but I believe it is thematically important that the Joker, a larger-than-life shadow that has terrorized so many for so long, is ultimately defeated by a "regular" person using good-ol'-fashioned fisticuffs and a crowbar.

While I think it's more impactful if the Joker is killed by a "civilian," if you want a member of the Batfam to be the one to kill the Joker, by all means be my guest. However, there are two (2) people the Joker can never be killed by: Bruce Wayne and Jason Todd. Bruce can never kill the Joker because his code against killing should remain intact. Jason can never kill the Joker because his second life should not be dedicated to the man who ultimately destroyed his first. Everyone else, though? Go nuts. Dick can kill the Joker, Tim can kill the Joker, Damian can kill the Joker, Cass can kill the Joker. Steph, Kate Kane, Harper Row, Duke, and/or Lucius Fox can all kill the Joker. Obscure members like David Zavimbe and Claire Clover can kill the Joker. If you want Jarro to kill the Joker, then by golly, Jarro the Starro in a Jar gets to kill the Joker. So long as it's not Bruce and Jason, then you're good. I by and large like to have the Joker killed by outside influences, but even I am not immune to letting specific Batfam members go feral. My first picks, though, will always and forever be Alfred and Barbara.

The Death of the Joker should not be the be-all-end-all of the plot. If the list is followed and the Joker is dead by the end of Act II, then we have all of Act III still left to get through. This rule, however, of all listed, is the most flexible. I do think it's funny though if Joker getting wrecked is like... a B-plot, at best.

And that is the writing rule of The Joker's Crowbar. It's not a writing rule you have to adhere to, but I think it's interesting that all of my WIPs seem to be following this pattern, and I was wondering if anyone else could relate.

[there-must-be-a-lock]

BuckyJay recs

I have been hammering away at my keyboard like a crazy person working on the If It's A Highway sequel, which obviously has given me the urge to read more BuckyJay, and there is still just... a distressingly small amount of that in the world.

here, have a few of my recent favorites:

To Dig a Grave in Winter by @oliocelottafanfics - just read this one tonight and its criminal lack of hits inspired this list tbh. fucking gorgeously written. GORGEOUS. please go give it some love.

They echo in him, punctuated by the smell of rain and fresh turned earth and the phantom pain of something heavy against his skull. He feels like a walking gravesite. They must see it too. They sneer at him when they call him to the chair after each mission. He doesn’t know why, doesn’t understand when one of them says, “Let’s see if you come back this time.” He feels his heart flutter to a stop as the machine drags away what little of his consciousness remains. When he opens his eyes again, he hardly remembers dying.

First Glance by @drgrlfriend - this is WinterHawkHood-flavored, which is a whole other rec list, but it starts as just the Winter and Hood part, so I'm counting it. Dr. G has never written anything that I didn't absolutely love, she's crazy talented, but there is something special about her shamelessly bloodthirsty Jason.

Jason grins, sharp and feral.  “Human traffickers, baby.  Looking for someone young and pretty to round out their next shipment.  We know where they’re gonna hit tonight and SHIELD’s already nabbed the buyers, so we don’t even need to leave anyone alive once we locate the rest of the merchandise.” And, yeah, there’s a lot of things about the job that Jason likes, but this scenario is pretty much custom made for him.  He seems to get a very specific sort of satisfaction from playing all dewy-eyed and vulnerable, letting the bad guys think they have the upper hand, and then raining deadly fury down on their heads.  Well, Bucky thinks philosophically, everyone needs a hobby. “It’ll practically be a vacation,” Jason purrs, and Bucky takes his hand off the gearshift to give his thigh a pat in agreement.  It’s important to support your partner’s interests.

prove you're not a loser (anymore) by @capriciouswrites - most of this fic is funny as fuck, featuring a spectacularly grumpy Bruce and an adorably thirsty Clint, but it starts with this absolute fuckin banger of an opening, from which I may never recover:

Someone’s hand comes near his mouth to try to force it open and he’s always been willing to be a rabid dog — they're trying to make him into a lap dog after all, he might as well make sure they know that his pedigree is alley — so he bites down and fills his mouth with blood before they manage to get the mouth guard in — and then he’s really stuck like he knew he would be. He knew they’d win and strap him down and try to kill him in the only way that matters.  What is a man, after all, he thinks, but memory trapped in meat. And soon he’ll be just the meat without the memory. His philosophizing is cut short by a sharp jolt of electricity — and then he’s trying to breathe and scream and he’s trapped and — if he could still think he’d consider that maybe this is worse than last time, but he can’t so he doesn’t. 

who do I have to bribe to get more of this pairing in my life?!

[singswan-springswan]

Reasons to watch Justice League: War (2014)

free on tubi

absolute banger start with Dry Humor Hal

"Batman is real????"

once again we bring you speculation of Batman Turned Villain?/Is He Abducting Random Civilians Or Is That Just Parademons?

We have Green Lantern thinking Batman's a cryptid right out of the gate then going "wait you're not just some guy in a bat costume, right?" while Batman gives him a deadpan stare and Green Lantern weeps and also they are in the sewers

Bruce "I make it my business to know" Wayne, for your consideration

Billy Batson conning his way into a football game

Billy Batson being a fan of Victor Stone??? and stealing his jersey

Victor is a nice young gentlemen to everyone except his father, with whom he devolves into Indignant Gremlin and will Break Things watch out

Flash and Victor's dad being friends

poor Barry went and got burritos for EVERYONE and SOMEONE STOLE HIS

Green Lantern and Batman already hate each other's guts

Bruce stole Green Lantern's ring just to be feral and made fun of him for it

✨Utility Belt✨

space cop Green Lantern

Superman's costume is so sexy

testosterone overdose with Green Lantern, Batman, and Superman all in the same scene: 368 dead, 1,590 injured. Obligatory catfight between those three while also there are hostile parademon soldiers flying around everywhere

Bruce stopping Superman in his tracks by saying his name quietly

Clark just staring at Batman for a second, then: "Bruce Wayne??"

"who's Bruce Wayne?" help

Diana publicly coerces a man into admitting that he cross-dresses as her and it makes him feel powerful while standing in the middle of a hostile mob on her way to meet the american president

3 seconds later she decides to ditch the president and go get ice cream

Diana thinks ice cream is The Best

Diana makes friends with Hannah and adopts her on the spot

🚨Flash and Green Lantern bromance!!🚨

"Batman is real????"

Diana is Bloodthirsty.

oops victor got yeeted. maybe he shouldn't have touched that glowing alien space box in his dad's lab

Billy's gonna fight demons in his backyard alone at night with a baseball bat which in no way seems saf--⚡SHAZAM⚡

squad is so lit my dudes

actually they are so cool together

the writers were clearly Clark/Diana shippers because man there was SO MUCH chemistry between those two

Diana gets to stab Darkseid in the eyeball with her sword :3

Barry gets to stab the other eyeball with a crowbar :3

Batman tells Green Lantern he's normal and then disguises himself as a civilian in .002 seconds and promptly hitches a ride on a parademon like he's hailing a fricking taxi and gets carried off into the night, leaving the rest of the heroes to hold the line while he tries to rescue Superman from wherever he got portal-ed off to single-handedly BRUCE SHUT UP

Green Lantern is really bad at giving speeches. but like. it's funny

Everyone kicks alien butt

Bruce does, in fact, end up saving Superman single-handedly

Victor is soooo OP

Diana punches Captain Marvel through a wall and shoves her sword in his face and says "you are a warrior, not a child! act like it!" LIKE NO MA'AM HE'S LITERALLY TEN YEARS OLD

Captain Marvel does not stop flirting with Diana throughout the time they work together

Green Lantern said "I like trains"

lads I am not joking about how cool the squad is

Victor has bad reception so he flies into the clouds. pray

Victor finds out Captain Marvel is actually an infant and lets him keep the jersey. Billy cracks jokes about his arm being a cannon

Diana calls them all gods. she said Batman is Hades. send help.

Sean Astin voices Captain Marvel

I'm not the biggest fan of the way they drew Superman's face. it's too shaped. BUT the rest of the animation is so spirited and vibrant. storyboard and choreography is phenomenal, not to mention the cinematography! amazing animation

Batman, to Green Lantern: let them think we're friends so the cops don't get me

dialogue is so much fun and so rich. no lines wasted. full to bursting with wit and humor

exposition is breathtaking, considering the time frame they were working with. I'm honestly floored. they took an hour of screen time and made it feel more than twice as long. holy kriff, that's some masterful storytelling right there

this film had more character development for a cast of seven than most modern movies--and some shows--have for one character

excellent voice acting

completely stand-alone; can be watched and thoroughly enjoyed without any prior knowledge

[ghostapop]

2, 12, 23 for timtam

+5, 14, 26 for uhhhhhh. Lois Lane

TIM

2. Favorite canon thing about this character?

i could talk about his unyielding heart and compassion for people despite everything that happens to him and how he developed this on his own and not necessarily because of batman like ppl tend to think but im not feeling that into analysis rn so my answer is the fact that hes a fucking FREAK <3 crazy ass stalker who knows everything about the justice league n shows up at heroes doorsteps unannounced w no explanation . prerobin tim waent like that bc of any tragic backstory or anythjn hes just a born weirdo ... myesilly

12. What's a headcanon you have for this character?

since tim wears glasses in robin sometimes i suppose that means he wears contacts the rest of the time , and i hc that occasionally he puts on diff coloured contacts to see if anyone notices . not even brown or green bc thats too obvious , he puts on slightly different shades of blue . bruce thinks this is fun he always likes awareness exercises . everyone else thinnks its stupid

23. Favorite picture of this character?

u already knkw i go unreasonbly rabid feral over this one . its so coollll

and also these two as an honourable mention <33

LOIS

5. What's the first song that comes to mind when you think about them?

hmm write what you know from newsies <3 i can imagine it for intern lois

14. Assign a fashion aesthetic to this character.

not rlly an interesting answer but retro corporatecore ,, id like to see her in these ↓ but w/o the hat she wpuldnt wear hats

26. What's something the character has done you can't get over? Be it something funny, bad, good, serious, whatever?

hmm i havent read / watched enough of lois to answer this well . cant believe she let her husband go to space semipermanently tho . she is so much better than me

character ask game

[unbreakabledawn]

Back on my borrower bats never letting Clark have peace again bs! (Hoi it's Plant)

I think it would be so funny if Lois knew about the batkids, she just pretend not to see them/notice when they're being menaces in front of her.

Louis has seen and observed how much chaos these kids cause just to stress out Clark, she is not getting pulled into that chaos and trusting that Clark knows what he's doing. She will however say something to tip off the clerk that one of the kids being a menace near her.

Small example- (with tiny Tim)

Louis brought over some articles she wrote wanting Clark's opinion on them, well he want to get some snacks she noticed in the corner of her eyes one of the tiny kids (Tim) getting close to her paper on new developments in computer science.

She's not really sure why a tiny kid is interested in that paper but she's worried his tiny footprints might smudge the lettering, so time to be a snitch!"

"Hey Clark, I think you might want to close the windows! My papers almost fall off the desk." Louis just watches as the tiny kind of runs off and disappear somewhere.

Clark comes back very quickly and apologizes, Louis instantly moves on from it as they eat snacks and look over the papers together.

hi again! <3 i love this, Lois would be so unfazed and just brush off the flock of borrowers in Clark's apartment as just another cape thing lol. fully "not my clowns, not my circus".

also i just love the idea that eventually, the batkids are comfortable enough with Clark that they trust him to protect them, they trust that he won't let them be hurt on his watch. they're safe in his/their apartment, they're free to roam the space and take what they need without the fear of being Seen and captured, or hurt - Clark's senses lets him keep track of where they are, so he doesn't accidentally step on someone or close them in a drawer they can't get out of. of course this also leads to an eternal headache for Bruce, who will literally never stop worrying, and Clark, who has to deal with these menaces who suddenly think it's fine to go borrowing whenever Clark has guests over :') which means Clark has to try and herd the borrower bats like feral kittens who are practically (and sometimes literally) scaling the drapes, trying to keep them from being Seen (but of course Lois has already Seen them. she's Lois). a fact Clark is oblivious to.

[crazy-grrrl-on-the-computer]

It has been 84 years since I last played The Sims Medieval, but I recently dug up the screenshots I took to document the Sims I created for my first kingdom (which I unfortunately do not remember the name of) and since I keep rambling about them in my OC tags I figured it was about time I shared them.

When I play The Sims, I randomize the default models until I land on a nice base to work with. Then, I play dress up. So, if there's some same face syndrome going on here, it's because I do not have an eye or the patience for more in-depth customization and I'm too scared to try messing with it now. XD

Also, their names are wild because I hit randomize until I saw something that sounded neat and/or amused me greatly. More than a few of them are inside jokes, not all of which will be explained because they probably only make sense to me~ <3

Ericka Aragon - Bard

I admittedly don't remember very much about Ericka other than that she is the fun-loving and chaotic trickster-like bard (who can and will flirt her way through any sticky situation) I think about every time I reblog a post about bards.

Bruce Watson - Monarch

King Brucey in the flesh! I remember being in my Batman era, tickled by a character named Bruce having the Whale Rage trait wherein on occasion he would feel compelled to yell at the ocean or dump his tragic "a whale ate my parents" backstory onto any unsuspecting person nearby.

The highlight of his character journey was when, already under pressure to find a spouse, he got word that there were bandits in the forest, so he very reasonably decided to find and challenge the bandit leader on his own. Except, oh no, she's hot! And she can kick his ass! Logically, someone who is smart enough to become the leader of an organized operation like this and strong enough to hold her own in a fight would be quite an asset to the kingdom. So, naturally he seduces the bandit and marries her.

Good ole Brucey was such a beloved monarch that his people got mad at him for insisting that they use their funds for basic needs instead of letting them build a giant statue in his honor for the town square.

Sindonia Quarles - Wizard

Sindonia teamed up with Ericka once to put on a magic show for the kingdom and somehow, in the process of searching for an assistant, she wound up meeting and hiring the villager she would eventually call her wife. It may or may not have been due to Ericka's influence that the routine was more flirtatious than Sindonia had intended. Let it never be said that Ericka isn't an excellent wingman.

Cyrus MacCloud - Peteran Priest

All I know is that, when confronted with the choice between the fire and brimstone Jacoban and the much more chill Peteran, I preferred to not be worshiped and feared as an angry god. And so Cyrus was born.

Scarlet Vest - Merchant

Scarlet Vest... who wears a scarlet vest... I thought it was funny at the time. Pretty sure she has pointy ears because I was playing around with the idea of her not being human. Perhaps she is some kind of fey, in which case beware her sharp tongue or you may come away from her stall with more than you bargained for.

Dwayne Crow - Knight

Dwayne is a good boy with a big heart of gold. He's gonna be the very best like no one ever was. Boy is he really giving off some serious Peter Pan vibes here though. XD

Katy Everhart - Spy

The Executioner and the Beast in the pit are her friends. Katy has also spent a fair amount of time training with Bruce and Dwayne. Dwayne is probably 80% of her impulse control.

Branwen Browning - Physician

Branwen and her pet leeches are a menace to the population in the best way possible. For science!

Wolfric Cutler - Blacksmith

Probably his most notable escapade was picking up a feral warrior chinchilla from the forest, asking Cyrus to impart upon it the knowledge of a peaceful god, and then releasing it back into the wild so it could preach the good word to its chinchilla friends. Look, when a priest approaches you and says "we need to arm the chinchillas" as part of the plan, you don't ask questions. You say "yes sir" and start forging the enchanted chinchilla-sized armor.

[somebodyssherlock-heterodyne]

*indescribably loud shrieking noise that definitely doesn't sound like something that should come out of a human throat*

Okay. I'm just. Dragon!Tim hoarding people. Batman and Robin have been part of his hoard for as long as he's been stalking them. The thing that sets Bernard apart from Young Justice and the Batfamily is that Bernard is the only person Tim has added to his hoard while being completely unaware that he was doing so. He goes maybe a little bit feral and insane during the Pain Cult Thing and then afterwards Bruce is like "you didn't tell any of us there's a new one?????" And Tim goes "new what" "member of your hoard????" And Tim goes through the facial expressions of the math meme woman and like eighteen separate flavors of What and then realizes the worst part of this situation, which is that he has to tell Bernard. There's no ettiquite for that! What does he just walk up and say "hi hey so uh I'm a dragon. Yeah yeah uh. Let me know when you're done processing that. Okay cool cool cool uh. Also you're part of my hoard which I am incapable of removing you from so if you ever move away or something I'll like wither away and die or slowly go insane so if you could stay in Gotham forever preferably somewhere I can check in on and make sure you're safe that'd be great"

Tim: oh fuck no I'm not telling him

Dick: what will you do if he moves away of his own accord?

Tim: sabotage.

Dick: NO.

The thing that Tim does not know about Bernard is that Bernard already knows. All of this. When Robin who looks just like your boyfriend starts breathing fire at people because they hit you you tend to notice that shit.

I also think it'd be really really funny if Bernard had some kind of batshit fairytale origin of his own. Like he's one of those Magical Miracle Babies that virtuous but childless couples have after they wish upon a star and then the star falls into their house as a whole ass child or they sell their lettuce garden to a witch or something. Perfectly normal human being- albeit with big fairy tale princess vibes and a sensitivity to magic- of DISNTINCTLY nonhuman origins. And then I want the entire reveal to go like this:

Tim: WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME YOU WERE THE PRODUCT OF ACTUAL WITCHCRAFT

Bernard: RIGHT AFTER YOU TOLD ME YOU WERE ROBIN.

Tim: ...well shit can't argue that.

Tim: wait a fucking minute how long have you known I was Robin

Bernard: slightly less time than I've known you were hoarding me

Tim: YOU KNOW I'M A DRAGON!?

Bernard: ...you were trying to keep it a secret???

Bernard being a magical fairy gifted or witchcraft bargain baby also has the wonderful bonus of Bernard's parents going the asshole route and then writing to the fairy witch to complain bc their magic blessing baby is kissing boys, which leads to the following:

Fairy/Witch/other magical fairy tale source of children: so your human custodians wrote to me to bitch about you being gay.

Bernard: oh god. Please don't kill them. Or curse them. Uh. Fuck. I'll make you dinner??? If you don't do that???

Fairy/Witch: what? Oh no that’s not why I'm here. Also I hexed them but it's minor.

Bernard: define minor.

Fairy/Witch: any clothes they wear will turn into eye sparingly ugly Hawaiian shirts and bell bottoms and their hair is gonna be neon green until they get their heads out of their asses.

Bernard: ...

Bernard: alright? I guess? It's. Better? Than Tim's plan to drive them to social and financial ruin?

Fairy/Witch: is Tim your boyfriend?

Bernard: yeah

Fairy/Witch: cool. Bring him around for dinner soon.

Bernard: what

Fairy/Witch: introducing your boyfriend to your parent isn't just a human custom y'know.

Bernard: wait. What???

Fairy/Witch: oh yeah your human parents- well, custodians- well former custodians- fuck it. I made you. Like. By myself. With magic. And a couple cool rocks I found.

Bernard: yes.

Fairy/witch: and then I gave you into the custody of a human couple because I'm weird as fuck but other than being really pretty and able to sense magic you are entirely human.

Bernard: yeah I got that this is following my favorite childhood bedtime story so far.

Fairy/witch: which makes you my child first and foremost.

Bernard: never thought about it before but that actually tracks.

Fairy/witch: and since your human custodians decided not to do their fuckin job I'm taking custody of you back.

Bernard, after blue screening for five minutes: O. Kay. I. Guess?

Fairy/Witch: cool. I'm your parent now. Bring your boyfriend home I wanna meet him.

Bernard, still somewhat dazed: cool. Cool cool cool.

-two weeks later-

Bernard: hey rosebush-

Fairy/Witch: what is it rosebud?

Bernard: ta-da! *jazz hands at Tim, who has finally managed to visit Bernard at his weird definitely magical new house to meet his weird definitely magical but not really new parent*

Tim: hello!

Fairy/Witch: oh fuck yes come in sit down do you need any healing potions or like a blanket blessing for you and your vigilante family? Also rosebud good on you for pulling a whole ass dragon you are truly my child.

Bernard: you dated a dragon?

Fairy/witch: no I married one. She's been stuck in the fey realm sorting some shit out with Titania. She's looking forward to meeting both of you.

Tim: I have so many questions.

Fairy/Witch: I have a magical bracelet that will make it so you only need as much as sleep as you're actually getting.

Tim: you can make shit that powerful???

Fairy/witch: I made your boyfriend out of a spool of thread and a few cool rocks. Yes.

And then Bernard lives happily ever after with his magic parent and dragon stepmom and doting boyfriend who's probably the most well protected vigilante on the planet with how many blessings and charms they keep putting on him.

I really wanted dragon!Tim in DKOS, well at least I can draw it myself 😌 just a fast sketch in between my Timber piece also set on that universe