#Lena always knew Kara was supergirl

[natalievoncatte]

“Lena?”

“What are you doing here?” Lena said, on the other side of the phone line.

Kara was already moving, lunging for the window, shedding her civilian clothes so fast she blurred into a streak of red and blue, the phone still mid-fall from where her hand had held it to her ear to the osprey cushion. She wasn’t thinking when she rattled windows with her passage. Less than a second later, the air snapped taught around her and burst with the cracking fury of a sonic boom as she bolted across the city in a ballistic arc that took her from her apartment to the upper floor penthouse office at L-Corp.

She was still too slow.

Lena was calling her name, her own phone flying from her hand into space as two men manhandled her over the railing into open air, almost six hundred feet up. Kara watched it happen in agonizing, hateful detail. She could hear every thudding panicked contraction of Lena’s heart even as she could count ever stitch in the side-seam of her dress.

Faster. Faster faster faster faster.

Any faster and she’d ignite the atmosphere around here.

Lena was perpetually falling, reaching up in a futile attempt to grasp the sky. Those thumping heartbeats came slow to Kara’s ears as she focused herself, time around her slowing to match her speed.

She has to do this perfectly. Hit Lena too fast and she’d kill her. Lena’s screamed stretched into a shrill endless peel as she fell, raw terror contorting her features.

Kara dove, slowing as she reached those last few millimeters of distance, forcing herself to match Lena’s speed, dipping under her so that the bewildered woman dropped into her arms and they further slowed together, Kara coming to a stop midair, half way down the length of her fall. Kara bundled Lena into her arms even as Lena clutched her in desperate fear, grasping and clutching at her in desperate fear. A wail of agonized terror exploded from Lena’s lips against Kara’s throat, followed by a taut cry of anguished relief.

“I have you,” Lena murmured. “You’re okay, I have you.”

Lena was shaking.

“They th-threw me off the balcony!”

They.

They.

Kara rose, cradling a treasure in her arms. They should have known better, these two thugs, these goons. To show her contempt, she blew them off their feet with a gust of air from her lungs. Tenderly, she placed Lena on her bare feet -her shoes had gone flying when she was tossed- and turned to her attackers.

One pulled a gun, the other ran. She crushed the crude little human weapon, so infuriatingly primitive and barbaric, almost forgetting not to pulp the wielder’s hand. As the other ran, she hooked her fingers in his collar and yanked, pulling him right back and over the railing. His scream satisfied something hateful within her and she wanted to stop herself from seizing his ankle, but she didn’t. The weight of the crest on her chest was too much to bear it.

She did let him dangle though, begging her for mercy.

Kara jabbed the comms in her ear and barked orders to the DEO agent that answered her. It wasn’t ten minutes later that half a dozen agents, led by Alex herself, were dragging the two men out of Lena’a office.

Lena herself was standing on the balcony still, shivering in the late night chill. Kara pointedly ignore the way Alex stared at them both as Kara unclasped her cape from her shoulders and threw the heavy cloth around Lena, bundling her up in it.

Oh Rao, her poor feet on the concrete.

Kara didn’t think. She picked Lena up again and carried her inside. Lena didn’t protest or even speak, as delicate as a precious baby bird in Kara’s arms.

“We can… we can deal with statements later,” said Alex. “I’ll step out.”

They were alone.

Lena just stared for a moment, as Kara opened the drawer in the coffee table and took out the fleece blanket that Lena kept there for naps or those frequent nights when she just didn’t go home, unable or unwilling to abandon her work for such pedestrian things as sleep, or her own health. Kara spread it across her, covering her feet. She just didn’t want her to be cold.

Kneeling beside the couch, Kara stroked a loose lock of wind-ruffled hair back from Lena’s eyes, forgetting herself, forgetting that she was the Super and not the Girl, right now. She couldn’t help it. The Super was stoic, unruffled, full of bravado. The Girl wanted to fucking cry and scream in agony and blessed release.

She was okay. Kara made it. Lena was okay.

Lena was staring at her.

“How did you know I was in trouble?”

The way she said it, it almost wasn’t a question. It sounded flat, half an accusation.

“I was with Kara Danvers,” Kara was about to say, but the answer died on her lips, the lie too bitter to cross her tongue.

She was so sick of lying, and the reasons why she lied all seemed so… hollow, here, now, and Lena wasn’t stupid. It was halfway there, Kara realized. She could see it in Lena’s bewildered, quivering expression. The thought was there, half formed, and once the suspicion was formed, it was only a matter of time. Their friendship was built on pillars of sand and the tide was rolling in right now.

“It’s me, Lena,” Kara whispered.

Lena’s eyes widened, as her nostrils briefly flared. Lena did not ask her to clarify, or explain. Her penetrating gaze merely searched, drinking in the details of Kara’s face in a way that made her feel both seen in a warm and comforting way and horribly exposed, the chill wind from the balcony door at her back. Yet the gaze was open, permissive. Kara noticed that one of her eyes was a little more blue than the other.

Rao, Lena was so pretty. She was beautiful, yes, in the austere almost untouchable way of a young powerful woman who weaponizes her looks, but that part of her was gone now, replaced by something open and vulnerable and soft, and usually reserved for Kara, not Supergirl.

Kara sat down in front of her, crossing her legs. She wanted to reach out and sooth the trembling she saw, her hand twitching of its own accord. Lena pulled the red fabric of her cape up and tucked it under her chin, making herself small.

“It’s you.”

“Yeah.”

“You caught me.”

“I always will.”

Lena closed her eyes. “I’m tired of falling. God I’m so tired of it, I just want him to leave me alone.”

Anger flashes in Kara’s chest, sending a jolt of heat up her spine as the red-sun fire burned within her, begging for release. She kept her eyes tightly shut.

A soft cry opened them again. Lena was crying silently in the manner of one used to hiding it, her chest hitching as she held it back.

“If it weren’t for you I’d be dead, Kara.”

“I won’t let that happen.”

Something tightened inside her, clutching so hard she could barely breathe. Watching Lena fall had been like… like looking over her shoulder and seeing the green flash. Kara had pinched her eyes shut and turned away, not watching the blast, screaming in agony when the blast wave tossed her pod, too afraid to watch her world die, unable to escape it. Sometimes that feeling would wash over her and tear her from the embrace of a dreamless sleep and she’d scream.

A soft, cool hand brushed her cheek. Lena reached out from the blanket and pushed away the errant tear. Kara couldn’t help herself, and returned the gesture. Lena’s skin was so delightfully soft, and whenever Kara touched her, felt her, it gave air to something like hot coals in her belly, and they’d threaten to become an unbound flame.

Something was happening here and she wasn’t sure what it was, but it was important. Kara had a sudden sense that this moment was a real one, an important one, and that she had just started bumbling through a choice that needed her full attention.

Lena was watching her, her soft intelligent eyes darting. Her breathing had calmed but she was agitated, heartbeat too fast, heat bloom crawling across her skin as her face flushed. A deep, powerful part of Kara woke up at the sight of it, something that she would normally have disdained had she remained on Krypton, a part of her that she might even have hated.

Her hand was still resting gently on Lena’s cheek. Lena met her gaze and shifted slightly, pressing a touch harder against Kara’s palm. It was an acknowledgement. It felt permissive, inviting. Lena tilted her expressions slightly and looked at Kara through her lashes.

She was scared, Kara realized. Scared but perhaps hopeful. Things began to swirl in her head. She could drown in the heady scent of an office full of flowers.

“You just keep saving me,” Lena said.

Kara rose to her knees so she could lean in, arching over her. This need, this impulse, gripped it like a firm hand on the back of her neck. It felt so wrong, so human, so Terran, but she didn’t care. For the first time she felt like doing this because she wanted it, not to make herself feel human or soothe some itch.

She hesitated every moment but Lena’s gaze remained fixed, a faint smile curling her lips as Kara drew closer, sliding an arm under her shoulders, very carefully pulling her up.

“I thought you were hopeless after the thing with the flowers,” Lena whispered. “Or maybe just regrettably straight.”

Kara wanted this to be right. She nuzzled her nose against Lena’s, one last tiny little request, and murmured, “is this okay?”

In response, Lena closed the gap and their lips met. Kara hadn’t felt like this since the first time she stepped off the ground into the open air. This was better than flying. Lena’s kiss was just so her, at once brash and hesitant, a question phrased as a declaration.

Before long Kara was holding her.

“I won’t let anyone hurt you. I won’t.”

Lena released herself; there was no other way to describe it. It was like their past hugs but more, Lena embracing Kara as though she’d like to be absorbed by her.

“I know.”

In the morning she’d pay Lex a visit. She’d talk to Alex and J’onn, make it clear that if the DEO wanted a Kryptonian on speed dial, it was time to make her priorities their priorities, and the first thing she was going to do was tear Cadmus out of their hiding places by the root.

It wouldn’t be enough to just hobble their operations, she wanted them gone. Supergirl would work in tandem with the Kara Danvers until Lex Luthor had no friends, no allies, no resources. Even the prison guard who smuggled him his caviar would learn that any largesse towards his prisoner would summon a furious Kryptonian.

She would call in every favor, seek every ally, use every resource.

Right now none of that mattered. Lena was safe, and she was in Kara’s arms.

[fazedlight]

Shadow (post-canon fluff)

“So what can we expect from tomorrow’s gala?” the newscaster asked.

Lena smiled, stopping herself from shifting nervously in the bright lights above her, glancing instead to the news studio’s camera as she spoke. “The gala is a black-tie fundraiser event for the Lena Luthor Foundation’s first project - an outreach program aimed at teaching STEM concepts to inner city children.”

“Fascinating,” the newscaster said, “And how will this education program work?”

“The children will be taught basic computer science concepts, and also have access to learn to code robots to compete in an obstacle course competition,” Lena said, eyes shifting back to the newscaster as she spoke, attempting to look as conversational and relaxed as possible. God, it’s been a while since I’ve done this, she thought to herself. “By giving the children real-world instruction, we hope they will be excited to see what one can really do with engineering and science.”

“And will your new girlfriend be attending the gala?”

As much as Lena had no problem staying composed, she could never quite master keeping the blush out of her cheeks. Not when it came to Kara. “She will be attending as well,” Lena confirmed, “Kara is a strong believer in a science education, having grown up with a strong tradition of scientific exploration on Krypton.”

“I imagine she’s an exception to the black tie rules,” the newscaster said.

“Of course,” Lena grinned, “We think the city is ready to know the real Supergirl.”

“Do you think your brother would be proud?”

The smile stuck to Lena’s face - no one but her closest friends would know that anything was amiss from her expression. But the question was certainly charged. While Earth Prime Lex had been known as a philanthropist, his quest for power had come out during the trial - somehow lauded by the public - only for him to attack the world and disappear into the phantom zone, leaving a confused public behind.

I guess I’ll never really escape him, Lena thought tiredly. In Stryker’s or dead or stuck in the phantom zone - none of it mattered. It seemed that Lex would always linger over her. “My brother’s legacy is complex,” Lena said, somewhat frustrated that she couldn’t be more direct on Earth Prime about who her brother really was. “I hope to honor the Luthor name, whatever that would’ve meant to him.” “Well, some very lucky children are about to have a fantastic summer,” the newscaster said back. “Thank you for joining us today, Lena.” “It was a pleasure,” Lena said.

---

Lying in the cool darkness of her bedroom - the setting sun hardly penetrating the windows anymore - Lena dozed quietly, relieved that the day was done.

Light footsteps padded down the hallway, causing a warm feeling in Lena’s chest. Kara’s home, she thought, and she was greeted only moments later by the kryptonian slipping into bed beside her, hugging around her back. “There’s Belly Burger in the kitchen,” Kara murmured, nuzzling softly into Lena’s hair. 

“Thank you,” Lena said back, “I needed that.”

“Rough day?”

“Not particularly. Just… him.”

Lena could feel Kara’s head on the pillow behind her, the kryptonian holding her quietly, giving Lena the space to think. “I think it’s more exhausting here,” Lena said eventually, “Lex, on this Earth.”

“Because they think he was a hero?”

“They don’t understand how someone who could work so closely with you,” Lena said, slowly rolling over on the bed to look at Kara directly, “Could turn around and try to kill you. At least on Earth 38, his first response to Superman was to build a kryptonite suit. People knew where things stood. I didn’t have to dance around.”

Kara hugged Lena more tightly. “I’m sorry, Lena,” she said.

Lena sighed, planting a small kiss on Kara’s lips. “I’ll be fine. I just wish I could get away from it sometimes.”

Kara’s brow furrowed thoughtfully, as she reached up to caress Lena’s face. Lena could almost see the thoughts dance behind her eyes, before she smiled softly. “What is it?” Lena asked.

“I…” Kara trailed off for a moment. “I was wondering, if you would like to visit Argo soon? Maybe after the gala? They’ve barely heard of Lex up there.”

Lena’s eyes shifted between Kara’s, small relief flowing through her body. “That sounds perfect.”

---

“Why do you think your brother started hating aliens?”

“Ms. Danv- er, Supergirl- what does Cat Grant think of ethics in journalism?”

“Your brother was a great man - what do you think caused him to snap?”

Lena sighed in relief as the dancing began, happy to have an excuse to lead Kara to the dance floor instead of continuing conversation with the various donors and reporters roaming about. At least the flashing cameras were less intrusive.

Kara, for her part, seemed almost curious at the extra attention. “This’ll take some getting used to,” she murmured playfully, lightly twirling Lena in her arms and setting off another flurry of photo flashes.

“They’ll calm down eventually,” Lena said, “There are only so many Super and a Luthor headlines that people will read.”

“Ready for our trip tomorrow?” Kara asked.

“More than ready.”

---

Alura hugged her warmly when they arrived. “It’s nice to get away,” Lena said, following Alura and Kara from J’onn’s ship to the El home.

She was somewhat disbelieving that she was really sitting in a kryptonian kitchen, on the remnants of an alien planet. With Zor-El off on an overnight deployment to oversee routine maintenance to Argo’s shield, the three of them spent Lena’s first night on Argo sipping on hot chocolate that Kara had brought from Earth. 

Lena found Alura was easy to open up to. “It’s just tiring, being in Lex’s shadow,” Lena said. “For once I wish I could be seen on my own terms.”

Lena thought she noticed Alura glance to Kara, but the thought didn’t linger as Alura looked back to Lena again. “Kara and Kal have told me of the feud,” she said sympathetically.

“It’ll be nice getting away from his name for a while,” Lena confessed. “I can just be Lena, instead of Lex’s little sister.”

“We’ll be going to the markets tomorrow,” Kara said, glancing from Lena to Alura. “I want to show Lena the town square.”

“I’m sure she’ll like it,” Alura said, exchanging what Lena was certain was a look with Kara. What’s that about?, she wondered, but Alura quickly moved on. “Is it strange not being a super here?” Alura asked Kara.

Kara smiled. “I’m home again.”

Lena took in Kara’s expression, the ease in her body. They talked about it from time to time - what it meant for Kara to have powers she constantly needed to control. Though she didn’t need to balance two identities anymore, there would always be the physical fatigue of controlling her powers on Earth.

Lena smiled. At least they’d have Argo as a refuge - where Lena wasn’t defined as Lex’s little sister, and Kara wasn’t defined by being a super.

---

Kara seemed oddly nervous that morning as they dressed. Lena was excited - to understand a little more of Kara’s home, to see a new culture - but she couldn’t quite understand her girlfriend’s nerves. “I’m sure I’ll enjoy it,” Lena said curiously. “You don’t need to worry.”

Kara smiled back, reaching out to take Lena’s hand as they exited her parents’ home. The markets took place twice a week, in the large central park that now served as Argo’s main gathering place. But it seemed Kara wasn’t going directly to the center of the large field, instead detouring to the east. “Where are we going?” Lena asked.

“I want to show you Argo’s heroes first.”

Lena tilted her head curiously, following the kryptonian. The expanse around the city was laid out in a series of ringed parks, and they rotated clockwise along the various paths, Kara pointing out different statues that honored the important historical figures of Krypton.

As they passed a playground, heading beyond the fourth ring of trees, Lena found herself looking at another statue ahead, with another bright and cheery view of the city’s skyscrapers in the background.

But what caught Lena’s eye this time as they approached the statue wasn’t the beautiful sights, but instead the familiar face staring back at her - proud and noble, holding glowing purple stone. What is this?, Lena thought.

They approached the statue - a small smile crossing Kara’s lips - and Lena’s eyes darted around it, eventually reading the plaque spelling her own name, with a string of kryptonian beneath. Lena could feel the blush crawling up her cheeks at her own confusion, her heart racing in disbelief. “Me?” Lena said softly. “They think I’m a hero?”

“You gave Argo the harun-el,” Kara said. “Every year, the Luthor Festival celebrates the day my mother returned with the recipe.”

The Luthor festival is about me, Lena thought, placing a hand at the base of the statue, realizing that tears were starting to threaten her vision. But she didn’t care. This… this is about me. What I did.

Kara smiled, squeezing Lena’s other hand, seeming to read her thoughts. “You saved all of them, Lena,” Kara said, as Lena’s heart raced, “To my people, the Luthor name is defined by you.”

Lena smiled widely, tears still threatening to spill as she turned into a waiting Kara’s arms, who squeezed her tightly. Lena’s arms wrapped around Kara in return, as she let out a choked laugh, placing her head on Kara’s shoulder as she melted into her. “Thank you for showing me this,” she murmured. “Thank you.”

---------------------------------

This headcanon was first mentioned in Echoes of the Forest, but I felt I wanted to write a ficlet for it. Please also check out this beautiful art I commissioned from @heeeygracie!

[kj-yikes]

7. Lena

(on ao3 here)

An excerpt from Kara's diary:

Lena,

Do you remember the first time you met Supergirl?

Your brother was trying to kill you, this time with drones. I got you out of the helicopter and back to your office. I hadn't meant to linger, but something stopped me from leaving. You had nearly died, and you didn't seem frightened or scared. You seemed sad.

I asked you if you were okay, and you brushed me off at first. I pushed, and you finally said, "I just didn't think he'd try to kill me."

It was only the second time I had met you, but I already felt connected to you. I understood your disappointment and devastation of your family, your thirst to do good.

I knew in that moment that I wanted to be there for you, and the only real way to do that was to know you as Kara. I thought, if Lex already wanted to kill you, imagine if he found out that you were Supergirl's friend.

I can think about it now and know it wasn't even a rational fear, but it was the seed of my biggest mistake. I wanted to protect you. That's how it started out, but that's not how it ended.

I was so selfish. I had your love and trust, and the cruelest irony is I betrayed both to try to keep them as long as I could.

Lena, you are so good. I think I forgot to tell you how good you are. Every minute of every day. What you're doing right now isn't who you are. It kills me to know that it wasn't Lillian, or Lex, who caused you to break. You've survived their betrayals before, and come back stronger than ever. No, it was me. The person who was supposed to always have your back.

I only ever wanted to do good in this world, to bring hope. Why else was I saved from Krypton's destruction if not to protect and help people? In a thousand lifetimes, I don't think I could ever do enough good to make up for what I've done to you.

There's one more secret I've been keeping from you. You deserved to know this one from the moment I recognized what it was, but I couldn't do that to you. I couldn't admit it under the lie of who I was.

I don't deserve to tell you anymore. I know it will just cause you more pain.

I love you, more sincerely and wholly than I have ever loved anyone. I wish I could have shown you better. I wish you knew how deeply you are loved.

Do you ever think about what it would be like if I was just Kara, and you were just Lena? If there was no Luthors, no Supergirl, if we could just be? Would we be destined to fall apart still? Would we have been happier?

But then I remember the story of Nightwing and Flamebird, Kryptonian gods who fell in love. Vohc separated them, sending Nightwing to the Phantom Zone, but it was only because of Vohc that Nightwing and Flamebird met in the first place. Without Vohc, they would have never fallen in love.

Perhaps we were just destined to meet, to love, and to fall apart. Is this heartbreak worth the love we felt?

I don't know, Lena. If I was given the choice to do it all over again, the same exact way, or never meet you, I would do it all over again for a minute with you. Maybe I should apologize for that, too.

Love is supposed to be unselfish, so why is it the most selfish thing I've ever done?

I don't know what the point of this letter is. I won't send it.

It's like my home has been destroyed all over again. Only this time, it's my fault.

[marinawolf]

Always (supercorp)

Lena has nightmares every night and only Kara can keep them at bay.

or

Kara finds every excuse to spend the night in Lena's bed so that Lena can sleep.

a soft, fluffy and angsty supercorp fic.

Lena lay in bed, her eyes heavy with exhaustion, but her mind stubbornly refusing to give in to sleep. Night after night, the same haunting nightmares tormented her, a relentless loop of horror that had become all too familiar. It had been a month since that dreadful day when Lex had blown up a building and then turned his madness towards her.

The scar on her stomach throbbed, a constant physical reminder of that traumatic encounter. She traced her fingers over the faint line, a painful memory etched into her skin. Closing her eyes, she could vividly recall that nightmarish moment. The memory played out like a horrifying movie reel in her mind.

Lex, his face contorted with manic rage, covered in sweat and soot from the destruction he had wrought. His eyes glinted with a dangerous intensity as he approached her, a knife concealed up his sleeve.

"This is your last chance to join me, sister," his voice dripped with a chilling mix of desperation and malice.

Lena's response had been firm and resolute, her voice unwavering, "Never."

Lex lunged at her, the knife flashing in the dim light. The searing pain as the blade sliced through her flesh, the shock and disbelief that followed, and then a wave of darkness that enveloped her as her vision blurred and her body gave way.

Just as the darkness threatened to consume her completely, a distant voice penetrated the void. Kara's voice, a desperate scream that pierced through the fog of unconsciousness. But Lena was already slipping away, unable to fight against the pull of oblivion.

Back in the present, Lena's body finally succumbed to its overwhelming fatigue, her eyelids drooping as her thoughts continued to race. She fought against the encroaching sleep, desperately clinging to consciousness. But the battle was a losing one, and eventually, her mind gave in.

The nightmares returned with a vengeance, a macabre tapestry of fear and torment that painted her subconscious in vivid shades of terror. The sound of explosions echoed in her ears, and the memory of Lex's crazed expression haunted her once more. Lena thrashed in her sleep, trapped in a nightmarish cycle that seemed impossible to escape.

As the nightmares intensified, Lena's eyes snapped open, her body drenched in sweat, heart racing. She was back in her room, the dim light casting eerie shadows on the walls. Gasping for air, Lena realized that the room felt suffocating, the weight of her memories and fears pressing down on her. She sat up, her breathing ragged, and rubbed her temples as she tried to shake off the residual terror. She knew she couldn't go on like this, trapped in a cycle of sleepless nights and haunting dreams. But finding a way out seemed impossible, her trauma a prison from which there was no escape.

Exhausted and defeated, Lena lay back down, her eyes staring blankly at the ceiling. She longed for respite, for a moment of peace, but she knew that the night was far from over, and the nightmares would likely return once more. With a heavy sigh, she braced herself for another sleepless night.

The following night, Lena slid into bed and found herself staring at the ceiling, her heart racing, her breath uneven. She couldn't bear the thought of closing her eyes, of succumbing once more to the terrors that awaited her in the realm of dreams.

With a sigh, she reached over to turn off her lamp, plunging her room into darkness. But just as she settled back against her pillows, a soft knock echoed through the room, startling her. Lena's heart skipped a beat, her body tensing as she cautiously got out of bed.

She padded across the room, her breath catching in her throat when she saw the familiar sight of Kara standing on the balcony, clad in her Supergirl suit. The moonlight illuminated her tousled, windswept blonde hair, and the suit accented her lean physique and the well-defined muscles beneath the suit. Her blue eyes shimmered in the night, and her lips curled into a beautiful smile that made Lena's heart race.

"Kara, hi. What are you doing here?" Lena managed to say, her voice barely above a whisper.

Kara's smile widened, her eyes glinting with a playful sparkle. "Hey, Lena. I was on patrol nearby and I'm absolutely exhausted. Do you mind if I crash here?"

Lena's mind was a whirlwind of emotions, but all she could muster was a simple, "No, not at all."

Lena let Kara into her penthouse. Kara often crashed at Lena's after game nights or movie nights but this felt different somehow.

Lena handed Kara a pair of her sweats and a t-shirt, their fingers briefly grazing against each other, sending a shiver of electricity through Lena's veins.

"Thanks, Lena," Kara said appreciatively before disappearing into the bathroom to change. Lena watched the closed door, her mind a whirlwind of thoughts. She took a seat on the edge of her bed, the anticipation building as she waited for Kara to emerge.

The moments ticked by, each second feeling like an eternity as Lena's heart raced. The quiet rustling of fabric signaled Kara's return, and Lena's breath caught as she looked up to see Kara stepping out of the bathroom, dressed in Lena's clothes. The clothes were slightly short on Kara, exposing a tantalizing glimpse of her toned abs. Lena's throat went dry, and she swallowed hard, her heart pounding in her chest, her fingers itching to trace the path of those well-defined muscles..

She had always known that her feelings for Kara ran deeper than the love one felt for a friend, a truth she had carefully kept hidden behind carefully constructed walls of friendship, but in moments like this, she struggled to keep her feelings at bay.

Normally, Kara would retire to one of the guest rooms, and Lena had assumed tonight would be no different. But to Lena's surprise, Kara moved with graceful purpose, sliding into Lena's bed as if it were the most natural thing in the world. Despite the many nights they had spent under the same roof, Kara had never slept in Lena's bed. This was something Lena had never even dared to imagine, even in her wildest dreams.

With cautious steps, Lena slipped under the covers, settling beside Kara. The bed seemed impossibly small, the space between them charged with an electric tension. Kara turned onto her side, facing Lena, and Lena mirrored her position, their gazes locked.

"Goodnight, Lena," Kara whispered, her breath ghosting over Lena's lips before she closed her eyes.

"Goodnight, Kara."

Lena found herself acutely aware of Kara's presence beside her. With her eyes closed, she tried to find a sense of calm, allowing the rhythm of Kara's breath to guide her.

As time passed, Lena felt herself gradually relaxing, the softness of the moment easing the usual restlessness that plagued her nights. The fear of nightmares still lingered, but it felt distant.

She felt herself surrendering to sleep. The sound of Kara's steady breathing became comforting.

In the quiet darkness of the room, Lena's consciousness slipped away, her mind finally finding a respite from the torment of her past. As sleep claimed her, the usual nightmares were conspicuously absent.

--

The soft, warm rays of morning light gently filtered through the curtains, casting a serene glow over the room. Lena stirred, gradually awakening from the depths of slumber, her senses slowly coming to life. The sensation that enveloped her was one of warmth and security, a comfort she hadn't experienced in a long time.

She realised that Kara's arms were tightly wrapped around her and her body was pressed against Lena's back, their forms fitting together as if they were two pieces of a puzzle perfectly aligned.

Lena's heart danced within her chest as she felt Kara's breath ghosting against the back of her neck, a sensation that sent shivers of delight down her spine. The intimacy of the moment was intoxicating and left her heart racing dangerously.

Kara stirred beside her, her movements slow and gentle. Lena could hear a soft, almost inaudible mumble from Kara, the sound of her voice tugging at Lena's heartstrings. "Oh, sorry," Kara's voice was a gentle whisper.

Lena felt a twinge of disappointment as Kara began to extricate herself from their embrace.

As Lena turned to look at Kara, her eyes were met with a sleepy smile that seemed to illuminate the entire room. Lena's heart skipped a beat as she took in the sight of Kara's tousled hair and the soft lines of her face.

"Morning," Kara's voice was soft and sleepy.

Lena's fingers itched to reach out, to brush away the hair that had fallen across Kara's forehead, to trace the delicate curve of her cheek. But a sense of shyness held her back, a lingering hesitation that reminded her of the boundaries Lena had always maintained.

--

Over the course of the next two weeks, Lena's life took an unexpected turn. To her immense surprise and relief, Kara seemed to find a reason, however small, to spend every single night in Lena's bed. It was a pattern that quickly became a comforting routine. Each evening, as the world outside dipped into the embrace of night, Kara would slip into Lena's bed, a shield against the haunting nightmares that had held Lena captive for far too long.

Lena's waking moments became increasingly filled with the sense of Kara's proximity. She would wake up each morning wrapped in Kara's strong arms, the gentle rise and fall of her chest against Lena's back serving as a soothing reassurance. The nightmares, which had once been an unrelenting torment, remained at bay, their usual grip loosening with every passing night.

Lena reveled in the comfort of Kara's embrace and her eyes often lingered on Kara's serene features as they lay tangled together under the covers. Yet, amidst the warmth of Kara's presence, Lena was fighting her feelings.

Lena's feelings for Kara deepened with every night they spent together, the lines between friendship and something more becoming more blurred each night. She found herself captivated by Kara's laughter, drawn to the way her eyes sparkled when she shared stories of her day, enchanted by her bashful grace.

But Lena couldn't ignore the growing questions that tugged at her thoughts. Why was Kara staying over so often? The skepticism that had once colored her perception of others now cast a shadow over her moments of happiness. Lena's heart raced, her mind a whirlwind of uncertainty as she tried to make sense of the situation.

One evening, as they sat together on Lena's couch, wrapped in a blanket and sipping tea, Lena's resolve solidified. The time had come to breach the subject that had been gnawing at her. She looked at Kara, her gaze a mixture of curiosity and concern. "Kara, is everything okay?"

Kara turned her head to meet Lena's eyes, her expression serene yet guarded. "Mm, yes, why?"

Lena's lips twitched into a half-smile, the tension in the room palpable. "You've spent the last fourteen nights here. Is there something going on? Not that I don't love having you stay over—I really do. But if you're having problems with your apartment or something, I can help."

Kara's blue eyes flickered, her gaze momentarily shifting before she leaned in closer to Lena. Her fingers, warm and tender, slipped beneath Lena's shirt, tracing a path over the jagged scar on Lena's abdomen. Lena's breath hitched as Kara's touch sent shivers of sensation through her.

"You know every night on patrol, I fly past your penthouse to check on you? Just to listen to your heartbeat and make sure you're okay." Kara's voice held a mix of vulnerability and sincerity, her fingertips mapping the contours of Lena's scar as if tracing a roadmap of the past. "Especially since everything with Lex, since he hurt you. I heard your nightmares every night, Lena, and it pained me to see you so broken. And when I stayed over that first night, I noticed that the nightmares didn't come. So I thought maybe if I stayed over, you could sleep better."

Lena's eyes glistened with unshed tears as Kara's words sank in, the depth of Kara's care astounding to her. She felt a lump forming in her throat.

"Sorry," Kara continued, "I know I should have told you, but I know you would think that I was inconveniencing myself or something. But I'm not. I want you to be okay, Lena, and I'll do anything for you. If I could undo what happened, I would. But I can't, so this is something I can do for you."

Lena was speechless. Tears pricked at the corners of Lena's eyes as Kara's words washed over her, a wave of emotions crashing against the walls she had carefully constructed around her heart. Kara's selflessness had left her utterly stunned, and Lena realized that no one had ever cared for her so deeply, so unconditionally before. She couldn't hold back the tears that spilled from her eyes, the floodgates of her emotions breaking open.

Kara. Sweet Kara. Always there for Lena, always looking out for her. Lena had never felt such profound love before.

Moved beyond words, Lena leaned forward, her heart pounding against her chest. Her hand found Kara's, their fingers intertwining. Kara's gaze on her held her captive.

The floodgates of vulnerability opened, and before she could think, before she could second-guess herself, she acted on the feelings she had been hiding for so long.

Lena leaned forward, her heart pounding in her chest as she pressed her lips against Kara's. The kiss was a confession, an unspoken declaration of every feeling she had hidden behind those walls for so long.

Kara froze for a second and Lena's heart stopped, but just as quickly, her lips began moving against Lena's- a soft, desperate kiss. There was a vulnerability in the way Kara kissed her back, a raw honesty that stripped away any doubts Lena may have had. Her heart felt like it was going to explode. Kara was kissing her back and in that moment, nothing else mattered.

Time seemed to stand still as their lips moved against each other. Lena's fingers trembled as they found their way to Kara's cheek, her touch gentle and filled with wonder. The taste of Kara's lips was a revelation.

As the kiss finally drew to a close, Lena pulled back slightly, her eyes fluttering open to meet Kara's gaze.

"Thank you," she whispered, “for being here.”

And Kara smiled that blindingly beautiful smile, and whispered, "Always" before crashing her lips against Lena's once more.

[lena-in-a-red-dress]

Prompt (it's okay if you ignore this one cos it's a bit dark/triggering): Lena, post S4 having just killed her brother & finding out about the SG secret, is suicidal, like seriously considering ending it once and for all. BUT she finds something that brings her back to wanting to live and be happy (a new goal or motivation?) Side reigncorp would be nice, having Sam there to support her etc and she's the only one she trusts right now plus she's the only one who never lied to/betrayed her. Thanks!

WARNING FOR SUICIDAL THOUGHTS/INTENTIONS

----

Lena stares at the pill bottle in her hand. It would be so easy, she thinks. Just tip the bottle to her lips and swallow the lot with a chaser of bourbon. Let herself drift away into sleep. Maybe she'd get lucky and remain blissfully unaware of the vomit and foam that would likely follow. Perhaps her mind would block it out, allow her to sink peacefully into death while her body convulsed to reject the poison.

She considers who might find her. The cleaners perhaps, due to return in two days time. Or more likely Jess, when she fails to come to work or answer her phone. Certainly not Kara, who believes everything between them is fine-- that their friendship hasn't shattered into irrecoverable shards.

Kara. No, Supergirl. Fucking Supergirl.

Lena clenches her eyes shut, but the image of the hero simply projects against the backs of her eyelids. With her stupid hair and her stupid cape and her stupid, lying smile. But no. The truth is, Lena is the idiot. An idiot to think she'd made true friends, to think she could share the innermost parts of herself with someone who wouldn't turn around and use it against her.

They played you for a fool, Lex's voice echoes from beyond the grave.

Stupid, stupid, stupid!

Suddenly, an explosion of glass issues from her living room. Lena surges for her handgun, and carefully creeps from her bedroom. Her fingers clenches unnecessarily-- angrily-- against the trigger when she recognizes the caped figure that rises shakily from the floor. But she doesn't fire.

"Lena?" Kara croaks, cradling her middle as though her ribs are broken. Lena watches her scan the living room and kitchen before locating her outside the bedroom. "Lena..."

"What do you want?"

She means it to sound angry, or at the very least irritated. Instead, she just sounds tired, even to her own ears.

"Something's happened to Alex-- to everyone. The DEO is compromised. They--" The hero grimaces in pain. "They tried to kill me."

"So you came to me."

"I hoped you wouldn't be affected. Whatever it is... it's bad. It's really bad."

Lena tries to feel something. Concern, outrage, curiosity-- anything. But she can't. She feels flat, like the air has deflated from her, leaving her a sagging balloon, pressed down by the weight of the air around her.

"Kara..."

Lena sees the exact moment the name hits home, and its implication hits home. Her eyes close in resignation-- not apology, Lena notes distantly.

"You figured it out--?"

"No."

Kara nearly sighs. "Your mother?"

"Brother," Lena allows, "but interesting that you know Lillian knew."

Lex was right. Everyone in the world but her knew the truth. Even her mother. And Kara knows that Lillian knows. That she allowed Lena's family to know the truth, but not she herself.

Fuck her.

"And now you've come to the Luthor you've managed to keep in your pocket."

Like always, Lena notes. Every time she's been involved with Supergirl and her allies, it's been as a last resort. Not because they truly wanted her or her help. Because they had nowhere else to turn.

Her stomach turns, and again Lena's thoughts flicker back to the prescription bottle in her bedroom. She feels sick, and she doesn't want to. She'd rather feel nothing at all than feel this.

"Lena..." Kara straightens as best she can. "I'm not here because I have to be. I'm here because you're the only one I trust."

Their eyes lock for a long moment, and Lena hopes her gaze conveys her disbelief. The words mean nothing, and the fact Kara expects her to believe them is actually insulting.

"What do you expect me to do?"

"We need to know what's affected them and find a way to neutralize it."

"I'll need a current blood sample, and a sample from before the changes in behavior occurred for comparison."

Lena turns back towards her bedroom.

"Then I'll see what I can do."

---

What she can do, it would seem, is quite a lot. Per usual. She isolates a chemical signature in Agent Schott's blood that stands out as abnormal, and traces it back to readings taken from clothes that have arrived on several alien refugee ships. The chemical is alien in nature, but it's not long before Lena synthesizes a counteragent to render the chemical inert until it could be processed from the bloodstream on its own.

She does all this before it can spread further than the DEO. Kara looks at her with gratitude and relief and a little bit of patent awe, but Lena isn't impressed with herself or her results. Isn't this what she always does? Pulls a rabbit out of her ass and saves the day-- but never enough to breach that final circle of trust she never even knew existed.

Once she confirms all DEO employees are returned to their normal selves, Lena withdraws. She relinquishes her role at L-Corp to Sam with some easy bullshit about taking a sabbatical. She hoards her prescriptions, waiting for the moment to be right.

The night she chooses is dark and rainy. But she manages to prod herself to going to the boutique liquor store beforehand-- might as well go out sipping something luxurious and expensive.

On her way back, she pauses on the sidewalk when she hears something moving beneath the car parked next to her along the curb. When it doesn't come again, she moves to resume her march home, but is stopped again by a new sound.

A whine.

Lena hesitates. She can keep walking, pretend she never heard it. But her feet remain rooted against her intentions to leave, until she finally relents and climbs down to her hands and knees. Pressing her cheek almost to the cement, she peers under the sedan and sees the soggy silhouette of a small quadruped.

A puppy. Or some sort of small breed. When it shifts, she sees disproportionately gangly limbs and a long tail curled around its trunk. Puppy.

Lena sighs. "C'mere," she mutters, reaching her arm under the car. The dog is far enough under that her shoulder feels like it nearly dislocates before she finally catches the sorry creature by the scruff of the neck.

It yelps when she drags it out into the rain, but makes no move to escape when she stares down at it appraisingly. Short brown fur darkened by rain, small half-flopped ears, and big brown eyes. It's certainly the picture of a creature any decent human being would cleave to.

"All right," she says heavily. "Let's get you somewhere dry."

She picks the pup up and tucks it into her coat. It curls into the warmth of her chest, shivering all the way back to her apartment. She snags a towel from the linen closet before removing her coat, and transfers the animal directly into it.

Once it's mostly dry, Lena sits back and stares at the beast as it stares at her. She glances at the bottle of liquor she'd set on the coffee table next to the pup.

Lena sighs.

"You chose a hell of a night to turn up," she says drily. Lena gives the dog's head a rub before picking it up to set it gently on the floor.

"Let's get you some food."

----

(Prompts are closed)

[eqt-95]

a new kind of romance, finale

part 8 | new years

🥟 | dumplings

Kara was not having a good time.

Sure, she loved her job. Yes, she adored her staff. Absolutely, she found her role as editor-in-chief worthwhile and world-saving in its own way.

But today was a holiday and her staff was absent and her role as editor-in-chief was only kind of worthwhile given they’d gone to print three days earlier. 

Today was a day meant to be surrounded by friends, new beginnings, and maybe the slightest tinge of a hangover nursed by a staggering stack of Danvers world-famous pancakes. 

It was a day to slip into cozy sweats; an evening unburdened by Supergirl duties or an upcoming deadline; a series of uninterrupted hours where she could collapse onto her couch, bask in the blue glow of her television after consuming far too much post-brunch take-out, and, if she played her cards right, idly massaging the too-tight calves of her very best friend who was stretched out across her lap.

The tips of her fingers crawled between her glasses and face and pressed with a heavy sigh against her eyes because today was not one of those days. Kara wondered if she’d ever have one of those days again.

Not the blue glow or take-out or cozy sweats: those were always within reach. It was the best friend she wasn’t quite sure about. 

Because things were kind of different now. Things were weird and awkward, and Kara didn’t know if it was her or them. Either way, she was one supersuit short of feeling brave enough to do anything about it.

So she was at work. On a holiday.

“You know,” came a voice that nearly sent Kara flying into the next floor, “when Alex told me you were skipping New Year's brunch, I almost didn't believe her.”

“Lena,” Kara choked. She looked up and locked eyes with a very soft, very pretty, very smirking Lena Luthor and felt a rush of weird and awkward all over again. “I didn't, uh, hi.”

“Must be important work,” Lena replied, nodding toward the glasses propped on Kara's nose. They'd been a gift earlier that summer: improved and Lena-Luthor-approved to cut out even more noise and distraction than her last pair. 

“Just… just wanted to focus,” Kara replied.

“On next month’s issue?”

“Never too early to get ahead,” Kara offered lamely.

“Well, is it too early for lunch?” Lena asked, lifting a plastic bag overflowing with take-out containers.

“I thought that was my job,” Kara said, eyeing the strained bag and feeling her stomach betray her with an oversized growl.

“Sometimes even heroes need saving,” Lena chuckled, setting the bag onto Kara’s overflowing desk. “And I’m very good at giving.”

The tease, the flick of an eyebrow, and the confident smirk would have normally sent Kara’s cheeks on fire and stumbling for words and trying very hard to keep strictly platonic, best-friend thoughts at the forefront of her mind, but today was not one of those days. 

“Mhm,” Kara said with a labored smile and a strained chuckle and a fiddle with her glasses. 

Because today was awkward and weird-feeling just like every day since cuddles didn’t feel like something just best friends did.

Lena, ever astute and thoughtful and considerate, noticed the wave of discomfort radiating from Kara, and for that Kara winced even more.

“Are… are we ok?” Lena asked, fingers playing with the edge of her sleeves. It was the exact opposite of the teasing confidence spoken moments earlier; this came out shy and hesitant.

“Sure,” Kara replied automatically in a way that sounded forced, sounded fake, sounded like a lie. Because it was. It was, and Lena knew it. 

“Ok,” she nodded back, and that made it feel worse. Because Kara knew that Lena knew. “Well, I just wanted to drop this off-”

“Stay,” Kara rushed. “Uhm, please? Please stay?”

What followed wasn’t the most awkward lunch Kara had ever had, but it sure was close. Conversation lagged and Kara, lost in the labyrinth of thoughts and doubts and concerns that had played on repeat for no less than two weeks rattled around louder and louder and -

Kara blinked, realizing she’d missed whatever Lena just said. And Lena noticed but, with generous tact, looked down and quietly poked at her food and gosh this was going terribly.

“I’m sorry,” Kara said unprompted. “I’ve been distracted and… and it’s not fair to you. You skipped brunch and brought all of this delicious food and I’ve been terrible company and a bad f-friend,” she said, her throat choking around the last word.

And then a smile flashed across her best friend’s face. It was tiny and wistful. “You could never be, darling.”

And it made Kara’s stomach flutter and twist. It made it flutter and twist, and Kara clung to the tiny thread for dear life and jumped.

“Do you, uh… do you want one?”

“You’re offering me a potsticker?” Lena asked, the faintest tone of disbelief at the chopsticks floating in front of her with a perfectly pan-fried dumpling pinched between them.

Kara nodded, her outstretched, chopstick-holding hand shaking in a very unhero-like way.

And she only barely managed to snatch it, her chopsticks, and the floating potsticker back in time when Lena’s hand rose to meet the literal best pillow of food on the entire planet.

“You can’t use your hands,” Kara said - yelled - and then silently begged the earth to split open and swallow her whole.

“I… I can’t?” Lena asked, hand flinching back in surprise.

“We… there uhm, there aren’t any napkins,” Kara explained like a lying four-year-old. 

Because there absolutely were napkins. 

In plain sight. 

Directly next to Kara’s half-eaten egg roll.

Before Lena could challenge the blatantly bizarre lie with her confused scowl and keen, impossibly brilliant, and scientifically perfect observation skills, Kara blindly rambled ahead while her elbow did the inelegant task of plopping across the desk onto the stack of said napkins.

“And these are, uh, greasy? Greasy,” Kara continued, sliding her elbow with the subtlety of a firework to the edge of her desk and, just as subtly, knocking the napkins to the floor. 

“Greasy,” Lena parroted, eyes distracted by Kara’s elbow’s antics.

“I-in a good way,” Kara clarified. The moment was only briefly interrupted by the squeak of her chair rolling to the left.

To cover the stack of napkins.

The napkins which were definitely there.

“I wouldn’t offer one if they were bad, but since we don’t have napkins then,” Kara explained, “then you’d need to- to…uhm.”

“To what?” Lena pressed.

“To… wipe them on your shirt?” Kara finished feeling mortified and like the most incapable alien on the planet. 

Which was why, when Lena’s head tilted to the side and her gaze fell to where the napkins were most definitely scattered around on the ground then darted back to Kara’s and sparkled in that special way, Kara felt her heart swell and her stomach flutter just a little bit more. 

“Well,” Lena began, leaning forward with the focus of a predator, “we can’t have that.”

And Kara, the weakest, most inept prey in a five hundred-mile radius swallowed against the parchment that had become her throat, shook her head weakly, and kept the freefall going.

And it might have been something.

Could have been something.

Was nearly something. 

Lena was hovering forward. 

Lips parted. 

Eyes locked on Kara’s. 

Which was exactly when Kara’s big giant nerves took over and sent her chopsticks splintering and the potsticker slipping out of her grasp with all the grace of Flubber before zipping across the office to land with an unceremonious splat against the glass partition.

All of which turned that ‘near something’ into one giant ‘swing and miss'. 

But before Kara could articulate her feelings as ‘mortified’ and ‘crestfallen’ and ‘like a giant himbo’, Lena burst out into the kind of bright laughter that made her dimples show and smile beam and Kara wonder if how they were was enough.

Because this could be fine. 

They could be fine.

So distracted was Kara that she didn’t notice Lena swipe the last, un-splatted potsticker from Kara’s plate, and she definitely didn’t process when Lena, ever so casually, asked Kara for a napkin to wipe her fingers off, and she was lightyears from self-awareness when she automatically snatched one from the floor.

That’s how lunch continued and ended: with Lena smiling her special smile and Kara lost in a sort of daze, inhaling the spread of options Lena brought.

“I’ll let you get back to it,” Lena said when the final remnants of lo mein were polished off. “Can’t have Cat Grant accusing me of derailing her Editor-in-Chief.”

“Oh, ok,” Kara said, rising to join Lena and crashing back to earth while simultaneously knocking her knee against the desk and sending a stack of proofs sliding like Niagra Falls to the floor.

“No, no, I’ve got this,” Kara said, waving Lena away. She clambered around the desk and intercepted her with a bashful grin and outstretched arms. They wrapped comfortably around Lena like they always did, and it made her feel all tiny sorts of warm and happy. 

This could be fine.

“Thanks for lunch,” she muttered into the side of Lena’s head.

“What are friends for?” Lena said, hands falling to Kara’s upper arms and disarming Kara with a practiced smile.

Kara nodded, her own smile feeling tight and confused. 

It faltered only slightly when the door clicked shut and she crouched to pick up the disheveled proofs. 

This could be fine. 

Kara could be totally normal and cool and collected, and Lena could be her usual pretty and perfect and kind and thoughtful self. And everything could be great and par for the course and completely and totally… 

Normal. 

Kara rolled back onto her heels and pondered that thought: normal. She pondered and pondered some more. A whole minute passed while the idea braised in her brain, and it kind of didn’t sit right.

It didn’t sit right one bit.

And then the most obvious thing on the whole giant existence of everything occurred - no, re-occurred: Kara didn’t want normal. She definitely didn’t want to go back to normal. She wanted the opposite of normal. In fact, she didn’t want normal for another second of her whole entire life.

Unless that not-normal was Lena hating her guts for the rest of eternity. That was not a not-normal Kara had the stomach for, but before she could let that worry petrify her from action, she jumped to her feet and clambered toward the stairwell. 

It took only a second; a perfectly timed second that synchronized with the elevator doors opening and Kara’s very best friend appearing in the ground floor lobby.

“Kara,” Lena said, jumping at what was probably a borderline crazed expression on Kara’s face when two muscular arms spread across the elevator’s threshold, blocking Lena’s exit. “Wha-”

“Mistletoe magic,” Kara stammered inelegantly.

“Mistletoe-?” Lena began, her surprise turning to a flash of hurt.

“With you,” Kara clarified. “I wanted… I wanted mistletoe magic with you.”

“With… me?” Lena asked slowly, cautiously - nervously.

“I wanted… I wanted you - want you. I didn’t mean to, you know,” Kara clarified poorly, “but then I got so nervous. And then Andrea was there and, and I just… I thought you didn’t want it. And maybe you don’t which is - that’s fine, but I can’t stop thinking that maybe you do? Because I do. I really do and, and when you… with the frosting? And the dress? You were just so, so… Rao. And you’re so so brilliant and kind and my best friend-”

“Me too.”

“- and I don’t want to ruin any… any…thing,” Kara trailed off, the tiny echo of Lena’s confession rattling in her ears. “What?”

Then something even louder started rattling in Kara’s ears because her rambling had gone on long enough to trigger the lift’s alarm.

Then came a tug against Kara’s shirt.

Then Kara felt herself being pulled into the lift.

Then she felt the warmth breath against her cheek.

“I wanted mistletoe magic with you, too.”

“R-really?” Kara asked, her eyes darting down to Lena’s perfectly painted lips.

“Really.”

“Like…” Kara continued, glancing back up to double check Lena’s eyes were serious. “Like real-”

They were. They were dead serious. And Kara registered it only a millisecond before Lena’s lips cut off what was definitely going to be another babble-fest. Lena’s lips cut her off and all of her thoughts and words disappeared and instead every sense was engulfed by soft, warm, gentle and - oh wowsers.

“Like really, really,” Lena whispered before the elevator lurched upward and before Kara could register the sparks of gold magic and green leaves flickering above them and before recapturing Kara’s mouth and setting fire to Kara’s core.

// sixty-three floors later //

“So, you liked the dress?” Lena asked.

- - - - - - -

ko-fi and other ao3 reads

[trashpandato]

Twilight

“In hindsight, I probably should have known what it meant,” Alex groans, bringing both hands up to cover her face. “I made sure that I only hung up the posters that had Kristen Stewart on them.”

Kara remembers all those posters, the too pale boys possessively flanking the movies’ main female character. She’d always wondered why Alex was so into the Twilight series; they were all just…so bad. Now it made more sense.

“Aw, babe,” Kelly teases, “let me know if you want me to reenact any of your teenage dreams about biting. I’m game.”

Alex groans again, but this time it’s accompanied by a bright blush. 

Laughter fills the room. They’ve been sharing stories about their first significant celebrity crushes for the last few minutes, the board game temporarily abandoned in front of them.

Kara has learned that Nia had a thing for Keanu Reeves after watching that bomb on a bus movie one too many times, but that she also “wouldn’t have kicked Sandra Bullock off her bed”, as she put it. 

Brainy mentioned that he went through a rather intense phase of trying to learn more about Earth culture, specifically American pop culture, and that he got stuck on the OG Wonder Woman, Lynda Carter, for a while. Not a bad choice, Kara thinks while Nia jokes that she’d be more than happy to tie him up with a lasso. 

Kelly then rattles off a few actors that Kara thinks were on the L Word, with a particular emphasis on Jennifer Beals. Kara half expects Alex to make a joke about Flashdance, but instead, Alex simply leans into Kelly and presses a soft kiss to her cheek. 

When they get to Kara, she has to disappoint.

“I don’t think I have anything to offer here. Not really.”

Alex hums. “The posters on your walls were all images from the Hubble telescope. I mean, I know you liked NSYNC for their music, but I don’t think you ever swooned over any of them. Not really. There was definitely a mental love affair with Lilo and Stitch, though.”

When Alex mentions the Hubble images, Kara feels a cool pale hand slip into hers to give it a short squeeze. It’s brief, a quick show of support, but it means everything to Kara. She turns to Lena and smiles gratefully. At the same time, the attention of the rest of their friend group shifts to Lena as well.

But Lena just shrugs. “I definitely wasn’t allowed to hang up any posters in the Luthor mansion.”

“Yeah, but what about boarding school? Come on, Luthor,” Alex probes, “you can’t tell me there wasn’t a ton of celebrity gossip going around at an all-girls school.”

“Oh there was gossip alright. I can’t say I ever really knew what it was about, though. I didn’t really watch movies or TV growing up, so most of the names the girls were talking about meant nothing to me.”

This time, it’s Kara who squeezes Lena’s hand. She knows that Lena doesn’t like to talk about what growing up was like for her. She doesn’t like the pitying looks, or the constant assumptions that just because her family was rich, Lena must have had everything she ever wanted. But before the mood in the room turns too gloomy, Lena sits up a little, a small smirk on her face.

“So maybe I was a bit of a late bloomer that way. I would say I had my first real celebrity crush in my early 20s.”

That gets everyone’s attention.

“Oh really? Who was it?” Nia asks gleefully.

“Well, I was still in Metropolis at the time. But I had watched them on TV, followed their budding celebrity status.”

Lena pauses for a moment before she turns to face Kara more fully.

“And then I gave Jack Spheer an impassioned speech about why I had to move to National City, about how important it was to me to be the Luthor living in the same city as Supergirl. I believe I even said I wanted to share my home with her.”

There’s a stunned silence in the room for a few seconds before Alex barks out a laugh.

“Really? Your celebrity crush was Supergirl?”

And Kara considers if she should intervene, tell Alex to lay off on the heavy teasing she knows is going to happen now, but Lena is looking at her and she’s still smiling, calm and confident, and Kara simply smiles right back.

Lena chuckles, her eyes never leaving Kara’s. “Of course it was. I mean, have you seen that skintight suit and very, very short skirt she was in at the time?”

“Ugh,” Alex huffs, “I didn’t need to hear that. That’s my sister you’re talking about.”

Lena shrugs again. “You asked, I answered.”

And then she leans in and kisses Kara and Kara makes a mental note to figure out how to send a message to Winn into the future to thank him for his incredibly “male gaze” costume design for her first Supersuit. 

(She does very much prefer the pants these days, though.)

[biblomaniac]

Kara’s jealous of Lena’s relationship with James. What happens when she learns what’s really been going on?

——————————

Kara regrets ever telling Lena to date James. At the time, she thought it would be bad of her as a friend to not support Lena, but dear Rao, she hates seeing them together.

It’s been months of them dating. Lena doesn’t share a lot about their relationship to Kara, or to anyone for that matter. They seem happy, or at least comfortable with one another, but something about seeing them together irks at the Kryptonian.

And to be honest, it’s more than just Kara having feelings for Lena. At first, Kara thought jealousy skewed her perception; that she was looking for issues where there were none. She’s come to terms with the fact that she’ll always love Lena, that Lena will never care for her back, but she cannot let go of the nagging thought that something was wrong about Lena dating James.

When Kara first met Lena, James was one of the staunchest opposers to their budding friendship. Even a year later when Lena purchased CatCo, James was more than weary of not only her last name, but her presence in general.

Then, all of the sudden, James is attracted to Lena? Wanting to date her as if he had not vehemently rejected even the very idea of her, minimized her individuality, labeling her as just another Luthor.

It makes no sense. Illogical in every form of the word, but Kara bit her tongue, trying to be the best friend she could to both parties.

It isn’t until Lena starts pulling away from Kara that she actually begins to watch how James and Lena interact.

At CatCo, it’s very professional. They don’t spend extended amounts of time alone and Lena certainly doesn’t play favorites. One of Lena’s main concerns before they started dating was the fact that she is James’s boss, so this makes sense.

I assume it’s the same at L-Corp. I mean, I’ve never seen or heard James there apart from when he was supposed to look in Lena’s vault.

Speaking of the vault, damn did Kara screw that situation up. She should’ve just trusted that Lena didn’t have any more kryptonite. She should’ve trusted her reason for why she had kryptonite. The PTSD from previous exposure has certainly clouded her mind a bit. She knew Lena had never wanted to hurt her and yet, she let her emotions lead her. Sending Guardian to essentially break in was her most reckless act of jealousy to date. It drove a bigger wedge between Supergirl and the youngest Luthor that Kara fears they’ll never recover from.

It’s right after this debacle that Lena begins to cancel movie nights and lunches out with Kara. It’s gradual at first. Kara knows the CEO is much too busy to make it to every one of their plans, and on more than one occasion, Kara herself has had to call for a rain check. But when the rescheduled dates turn into cancellations and rejections, Kara does start to take it personally.

It has to be me, right? She still comes to game nights and out to drink once in a while, but it’s like she doesn’t leave James’s side.

The blonde sees an opening one evening while the brunette is refilling glasses in the kitchen. While the others are busy arguing over what game to play next, Kara slips into the kitchen, leaning against the counter next to Lena.

Kara isn’t quite sure how to start the conversation. She stands there for a moment picking at her fingers before blurting out a rushed, “Are you okay?”

The brunette pauses in her reach for another bottle of beer. It’s the only indication in her body language that Lena has heard her.

“I’m fine,” she says plainly, resuming her task.

“Are…are we okay?” Kara asks next.

“What do you mean? Of course we’re okay,” she replies dismissively.

“I dont, I mean… did I do something to offend you?”

Lena must see something she doesn’t like in Kara’s pleading eyes. Her shoulders loosen and she breathes out a soft sigh.

“I haven’t meant to be distant. It’s just…James made some comments about me not spending enough time with him. I’ve been trying to make it up, but in the process I’ve hurt you. I’m sorry, Kara. Truly.”

Lena sounds apologetic and Kara can’t really fault her. She’s been in that position before with Mon-el; wanting to please a partner can sometimes make maintaining other relationships difficult for a time.

“It’s okay; I understand. Don’t worry about it,” Kara assured her, laying a hand on Lena’s arm for a moment before helping her carry the drinks back to the living room.

I should just be patient. It’s only been a few months; everything will go back to normal soon.

*************

It’s been two more months, and somehow Kara feels the situation has gotten worse. Lena has just become plain dodgy. She hardly accepts Kara’s calls, answers texts vaguely, and on the rare occasion she sees her in person, it’s only been with James wrapped around her.

Kara tries to mind her business, knowing it can be intrusive to listen in on people’s private conversations. Yet, she doesn’t need super hearing or x-ray visions to see how tense her friends always seem.

James puts on the cool guy exterior; calm, collected, confident. But Kara can pick up micro expressions even the most trained specialists couldn’t decipher. The looks were usually in relation to Lena. Whether it be her jobs, businesses, opinions, or her family, James always seemed to be irked by her.

Kara hated it.

She hated every second of seeing them together. It reminds her of the start of her friendship with Lena; James vehemently opposed to Kara befriending the young Luthor.

Every time the thought crossed her mind, she feels her heart beat increasing and a minimal tinge of heat vision creeping behind her eyes. Many glasses have been the victim of her temper lately. More than once, she’s had to excuse herself from group settings to cool down.

Alex thinks it’s just Kara being overprotective, that she’s reading too much into it and being too sensitive. But Kara knows in her heart that James and Lena aren’t right for one another. She doesn’t want to overstep by inquiring about it with Lena (that’s if she would even give me the time of day to talk), so she watches as the love of her life slowly fades from her reach into the arms of another, praying to Rao Lena will return to her one day.

*************

Though it has been several weeks and the Children of Liberty have gone underground for now, Kara is still reeling from her near-death experience on Shelly Island. She felt such undeniable rage at James for getting them both in that situation. She may have accepted his apology, but her trust in him is broken indubitably.

The moment James dawned the mantle of Guardian, Kara knew it would never work out. It was clear he felt inferior, that he needed the adrenal rush of danger to feel like he was making a difference.

This is exactly why I didn’t want humans acting as vigilantes.

Kara tries to keep her “god complex”, as Lena so eloquently said, in check. It’s not her place to police humans, but dear Rao, has is been more of a hassle to have another vigilante in the mix.

Not only has he been more of a hindrance in the field, now that he’s making headlines by revealing his identity and essentially co-signing the Children of Liberty, he’ll never be fully safe. If not for Lena, he would’ve been charged and arrested.

He hasn’t even thought about his friends and family. About Lena. It would be more than easy for the public to associate his alliance with the Children of Liberty and their anti-alien rhetoric with the Luthors. Hadn’t Lex put her through enough? Hadn’t he seen how his actions could be a trigger for Lena?

It’s incredibly hard for Kara to remain impartial. To keep her thoughts to herself as everyone else goes on about their lives while hers remains stagnant.

Now that she has a better handle of her duties as a reporter and a hero, she is able to better manage her time when she gets to be just Kara. With her group of friends being pulled in so many directions, and without Lena to spend a lot of one on one time with, she’s beginning to pick up hobbies she once had to set aside in favor of being Supergirl.

Kara busies herself painting at human speed. It’s a calming ritual that helps her to unwind after especially hard days as a hero, or trying days as a reporter.

She focuses on the color theory of her work, deciding which shade of maroon best complements the beryl eyes of her muse. Just as she goes to mix the next set of colors on a clean palette, there is a knock at the door.

I wonder who that could be.

Kara rises from the stool by the window, turning her easel to face the wall before crossing the room to open the door.

The sight that greets her is unexpected. Lena stands in front of her, tears streaming down her red face. Her nose is running, cheeks blotchy, and hair loose. Kara’s never seen her quite so distraught.

“Hey, what’s wrong?!” Kara asks worriedly. Lena only sobs in response, raising a hand to cover her mouth as if surprised by her own response.

Kara ushers her inside, trying to think of a reason for why Lena could be crying so profusely. Closing the door behind her, Kara reaches toward Lena to comfort her. Just as her hand makes contact with Lena’s arm, the brunette jerks away violently holding her arm across her chest. Her eyes are crazed, open wide and bloodshot.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry!”

Kara doesn’t know what to do. She’s never had to help someone so hysterical. “Lena, what’s wrong? Did I hurt you?”

“N—no. I’m sorry,” she cries backing away until she hits the wall.

Kara takes two steps back. She hold her hands out in front of her, trying not to come off as a threat.

“Breathe, Lena,” she instructs. “You have to calm down.”

Lena tries to slow her breathing, but she can’t catch her breath. All she can hear is the yelling, the snide remarks about her name, feel the press of the wall against her back and hands tight on her arms.

“Lena. Lena! Look at me, baby, can I come closer?” Kara just wants to wrap the brunette in her arms, but she knows from experience that too much too fast can be detrimental in moments like this.

She waits for Lena to answer, to give just one sign of acknowledgment to Kara’s request. All she receives is a jolted nod of acceptance before the brunette is slipping onto the floor. Kara walks closer slowly, approaching her friend like a scared animal. When she is just two feet from the brunette, she drops to her knees.

“Lee, can I touch you?”

She whimpers, face twisted in fear.

What in Rao’s name happened to her?

“Look, match my breathing.” The reporter begins a round of exaggerated breaths, trying to get Lena to breathe in and out with her. It works marginally; Lena finds the rhythm but the breaths are too shaky to be providing any real comfort.

Kara inches closer on her knees, “Good, you’re doing so well, baby. Here, put your hand on my chest. That’s it; good girl.” Her voice is low and soothing, words infused with a calm she herself doesn’t even feel right now.

Lena reaches out with a trembling hand to rest her palm against the hero’s chest. Kara notes that the arm she reached for earlier is still clutched tightly to the CEO’s chest, as if protecting an injury. Kara covers the hand against her chest with her own. She holds it there lightly to showcase the cadence of her own breathing. Her thumb rubs soothing circles against the soft skin of Lena’s hand.

They sit there, cramped on the floor of Kara’s loft for quite some time. When Lena finally catches her breath, her hand tightens on the collar of Kara’s sweater, using the hold to pull herself into Kara’s chest.

The blonde opens her arms for the crying woman, allowing her to crawl into her lap. The shorter woman tucks her head into Kara’s neck, legs pressed tightly to her own chest. She crowds herself into Kara small, small, small, as if she alone could block out the horrors of the world.

“Lee—“

The brunette shakes her head, apparently not ready to speak. Her sobs have hushed to a silent stream of tears falling down her cheeks, but the blonde can still hear the erratic beat of her heart. Kara wraps her arms around the smaller woman, holding her close but not tight enough to constrict.

“I’m gonna stand, okay? Just going to the couch. It’s more comfortable.”

Kara positions Lena better so that she can stand. The hold is awkward with Lena balled up as she is, but it’s no real trouble for the girl of steel. Lena holds tighter, seemingly ready for the short travel to the couch. Kara lowers herself slowly, rather than plopping as she usually does. The reporter sits there, murmuring quiet assurances to Lena. Before long, she feels the body in her arms going limp. Checking her heart, the hero finds it steady, the lub-dub much calmer than when she first arrived.

Kara doesn’t dare to move, wanting to allow Lena the chance to rest after her ordeal. Many scenarios cross Kara’s mind. There isn’t much that truly shakes Lena. When the brunette whimpers, Kara starts to card her fingers through dark locks. She immediately calms under Kara’s gentle caress.

She sleeps for a while longer. Kara continues her ministrations even once Lena rouses. The hero hears her breathing change, but she doesn’t speak until Lena does.

“I’m sorry,” she says into Kara’s chest. Her voice in muffled against the soft material of Kara’s paint-spattered sweater.

“What for?”

“Coming here. I didn’t mean to disrupt your evening, especially after I neglected your text to hang out.”

“Lena, I don’t care about that. You are always welcome here,” Kara assures.

Lena doesn’t reply. She just lays in the safety of her best friend’s arms. Kara allows her a moments peace before addressing the obvious elephant in the room.

Her voice remains calm and even, “Lena, tell me what’s wrong.”

Silence.

“Did something happen today?”

Silence again.

“Lena. You have to work with me here. I know something is wrong. I want to help you, but you have to let me in,” the reporter admonishes lightly, “I want to help you, in any way you need. You just have to let me in.”

A shaky exhale escapes the scientist before she removes her head from Kara’s chest. Her eyes never meet the blondes, but she can absolutely feel her pointed stare as she rolls up the sleeve of her left arm.

The purpling bruises painting her alabaster skin look worse in the hours following their placement. They trail up her arm in ribbons of finger prints. Kara is silent, but Lena feels her body tense into the hardness of a rock.

The brunette glances up at the tanned face of her friend. The first thing she notices is the absence of Kara’s trademark glasses. From her position, she can’t see the entirety of her face, but the hard set of the reporters jaw indicates a great deal of anger. Blue eyes remain focused on Lena’s arm, her free hand moving to trace one mark carefully.

“Who did this?”

The infliction of her voice, it’s so…familiar. It doesn’t sound like the soft upbeat tone the bubbly blonde usually has. The timbre is husky, a low gruff that has the potential scare Lena if it was directed at her.

“Lena. Tell me who did this,” Kara repeats, turning her head so that stormy blue meet glassy green.

Features she’s memorized over the last three years look off. There is something about Kara in this moment that clashes with the image in her mind. Lena doesn’t answer her; only continues to search Kara’s face for the inconsistencies her mind is fighting to recognize.

Kara is growing impatient, she wants to make whoever did this to her beloved pay. She moves her hand to Lena’s jaw, pulling her closer ever so gently. Only inches remain between the two.

“Tell me who hurt you, please,” she whisperers. It’s so soft compared to her tone just a moment ago. A gentle breeze following the tempest of her earlier pleas.

Mismatched eyes flutter closed, silent tears leaking slowly. The broken explanation she delivers is hushed, voice cracking and devolving into choked whimpers every so often.

“He got so upset; angry. I told him it wasn’t right. That he was endangering so many with this facade. He didn’t care; accosted me for not siding with him. I went to leave and he grabbed me. It startled me. All I could see was Lex’s angry face spitting in mine as he raved about aliens and their inferiority, Lillian slapping me for misbehaving, Lionel…”

Kara can’t bear to hear the rest. She places her forehead on Lena’s, pulling the brunette back into the safety of her own body. The urge she has to protect Lena calls to a violent part of herself that she hadn’t experienced since being poisoned with Red Kryptonite all those years ago.

“Shhh. I got you. I’ll fix it. Tell me who did this and I’ll make sure it never happens again.”

The whimpering CEO spits out the answer as if it burned her tongue with its utterance, “J—James.”

Son of a bitch.

He’s finally crossed the line.

There are a lot of things Kara isn’t proud of. Not making it to Earth to raise Kal-el, hiding her alien-ness, failing to observe the all the Kryptonian rites and holidays she’s missed over the last 14 years on Earth. In this moment, she regrets two things more than all the others combined: hiding her identity to Lena, and not putting a stop to this relationship sooner.

“Rao, I’m so sorry—“

Lena feels like her heart has stopped. Her emerald eyes shoot open to stare directly into icy blue. There was only one other time, one other person, who she heard that desperate mention from. This can’t be happening. What the fuck have I gotten myself into.

“S-supergirl?” She stutters, mouth falling open minutely. The pieces connect like a puzzle, fitting in seamlessly with countless memories and quotes: how she could effortlessly carry Lena across the room, the voice, all the excuses to leave lunch early, even “I flew here…on a bus.”

She tries to untangle herself from the hero, but Kara’s strength holds her pretty much in place. “God, I’m an idiot. You… you lied to me! Was this all fake; part of a plan? Did you know this would happen?!” Lena is crying in earnest, voice pitched high and a tremble of fear underneath the thin veil of anger.

“No! I would never do that; you know me, Lena—“

“No I don’t!” She protests, but they fall on deaf ears. She continues her struggle against the impenetrable blonde, becoming erratic at the feeling of being trapped, “Let me go! Let me go!”

Kara gently deposits the woman on the couch. She kneels before her, hands on the couch bracketing both sides of her thighs. “Okay, okay. Please, just listen to me. I was going to tell you. But I got scared. You were already so distant because of James; I didn’t want you be leave me. I’m sorry I lied. I thought I was protecting you.”

Lena immediately protests the statement, “How could you be protecting me? I was already in danger; I have been since the moment I met the Luthors.”

“It feels like every time someone else finds out, everyone who knows becomes open to more danger. I don’t want that. Especially for you.”

Tears still fall, but their flow turns from raging rapids into steady streams. “Why are you saying this? You told me you wouldn’t trust a Luthor with your name.”

“I didn’t mean that—“

“Yes you did! You were angry at me, and you said it to be cruel.”

“Lee, I didn’t mean it. I swear I didn’t! I was hurt, and I lashed out. I’m sorry,” Kara says placing her hands into Lena’s knees and leaning up into her space.

“Don’t lie to me.” She whispers brokenly. The day has been too long, too hard. The earnestness in Kara’s eyes is alluring. So different from the spark of hate and loathing James’s had earlier. The fight drains out of her when the Super presses their foreheads together.

“I’ll never do it again. I’ll tell you everything: about me, about Krypton, how I got to Earth. Khap vrreiahv vo rrip, i shokh nim i.”

I promise to you, my truth is yours.

Lena’s face feels wet, but she doesn’t know if it’s her tears or Kara. “I—I can’t trust you,” she whimpers, voice choked and mouth dry.

“You don’t have to. I wouldn’t deserve it even if you did. I promised to protect you, and I failed. Just let me help you,” Kara avows, running the tip of her nose along Lena’s, around her regal cheek bones and to the shell of her ear.

“I’ll fix this,” she pledges, “You are my everything.”

You are my everything.

The brunette sinks down, holding herself to Kara with her uninsured arm as tightly as she can. “Don’t hurt me. I can’t bear it.”

Kara hugs her back, pressing kiss after kiss to Lena’s dark unruly hair, “Never again, Lena. I’ll take care of you. Khap vrreiahv.”

Always.

[lenakluthor]

If you could choose a moment for Kara to tell Lena she's Supergirl, without considering what happened in the Super life episode... Which moment would be best?;

okay i've thought a lot about this and i think the moment in 2x15 when kara is on the phone with lena, hears her get attacked, and then catches lena when she's pushed off her office balcony would be a really good moment to tell her. she just recently spent an entire episode (so, what? a week or two?) adamantly defending lena's honor and goodness when lillian broke her out of prison and manipulated her to get into lex's vault, and kara was ultimately proven right about lena (because, duh). she's had a little bit of time to breathe and let the reality of that really sink in- she was right. she was absolutely validated and justified in putting her entire faith and trust in lena. lena came through. lena did not let her down. so, when she hears lena get attacked and doesn't really have a great excuse as to how supergirl knew the exact moment lena needed saving, i think when lena asks "how did you know?" kara could've easily been like "i was on the phone with you when it happened," or something along those lines. cue her putting on her glasses, big reveal. it's early enough that it probably wouldn't feel like a huge betrayal of lena's trust, but it's been long enough for kara to completely trust lena and feel solid in that trust. i also think this is an especially good moment in time, because then when they do have that moment in lena's office a few episodes later, the impact of "i'm not going anywhere. i will always be your friend. i will always protect you." is even greater. like yeah, she's saying that as kara but there's also the weight of supergirl behind it. i just think it would've been even more meaningful with lena having the full knowledge of who kara really is as she hears that promise.

[natalievoncatte]

There was blood on the door. Lena swept back her jacket in a smooth motion and unholstered her Glock carry piece, holding it low ready as she stepped into the penthouse. The door slid shut behind her and locked itself smoothly. There was no sign of forced entry, meaning whoever came in walked right through her defenses.

She’d armored and fortified this place to the point that the entire building could collapse and she’d probably survive. Some of the materials that went into Lena’s security were not from Earth. Some of them were not from this dimension.

In times past, in good times, she’d have called Alex Danvers, to get the DEO up here for help or hopefully summon Supergirl to her aid. Now those options were off the table.

From its place of dishonor by her sofa, the broken glass in the frame gleamed at her, the time-frozen gazes from her and Kara in the photo staring into her soul.

More blood on the frame, smeared on the edge.

Lena rested her back to the wall and scanned the apartment. There was a clear trail of blood from the door through the living room. Whoever had been here, or was still here, had pressed a bloodied palm to the reader outside the door, leaned on the kitchen island, and picked up the photo, then returned it to its place and left a trail of blood drops to the other side of the penthouse.

To the bedroom.

Steeling herself, Lena press-checked her pistol and ignored the cold ball in the pit of her stomach, along with the screaming instincts telling her to call for her bodyguards and security and the police. She followed the trail of drops, that cold ball climbing its way to her throat. The bleeding got worse as the intruder approached the bedroom, where they’d pushed the door open, leaving a streak of rust on the white.

Lena knew in her heart what she was going to see before she swung the door open.

The gun fell from her hands and clattered on the floor.

Her sheets were streaked with dried blood, but Kara’s cape was as livid a crimson as ever. Fighting the rising gorge in her throat, Lena rushed to the bed, and let out a soft, strained sigh of relief when she saw Kara’s chest moving.

“Mother of God,” Lena breathed, her hands making a vestigial effort to cross herself, the gesture half remember from her earliest youth.

Kara was… a wreck. Her eye was swollen shut and claw marks raked her cheek, the wounds still open and oozing. She’d balled up the sheets and jammed them against a wound in her side, a deep gash that stained the torn material of her suit a dark bruised black.

The Kryptonian in her bed was unconscious, eyes lidded but not fully closed, and deathly pale. Lena reached out a tentative hand and pressed it to Kara’s shoulder and let out a shocked gasp.

She was cold to the touch.

Worst of all was her hands. Her knuckles were busted and split and bloody, palms covered in defensive gashes, crusted with crystals of dark blood.

Lena felt like she was going to burst, like her skin was suddenly three sizes too small. Images flashed in her mind- a defeated, broken Kara, begging her not to turn her back as she lay green-veined and poisoned in a cage at the Fortress of Solitude. Sanctimonius bitch Kara hovering just five feet off her balcony wall, glaring judgment and proclaiming her a villain.

Soft Kara, tending her hurts, holding her cheek in the palm of her hand, her touch always so soft and gentle and tentative, like Lena was some skittish bird.

That wasn’t all. Oh God, that wasn’t all. Kara clutched something to her chest, something she’d grabbed before collapsing in the bed and curled into herself.

Lena’s hooded sweatshirt, the one she used to wear to game nights and movie nights when she wasn’t feeling up to primping and preening, the one she stared wearing when being vulnerable around Kara started feeling like home.

Oh God oh Jesus what am I going to do?

She reached for her phone, then stopped. Kara had fled here from whatever did this to her for a reason. Lena set the phone aside, and assessed.

Kara was out cold. She didn’t seem to be actively bleeding but Lena didn’t dare move her. Instead, she settled for rolling Kara on her back, with great difficulty. She flopped over, boneless.

Lena found her first aid kid and began tending to the wounds.

Fuck, Lena thought. What if she had internal injuries? What if she wasn’t going to wake up?

She focused on what was in front of her. She began by cleaning the wounds, carefully and gingerly applying bandages where she could.

Her hands, oh God her poor hands. Lena wrapped the knuckles gently and pressed ice against them, leaving them testing on Kara’s chest. She dabbed at the wounds on her cheek and carefully taped gauze pads in place after applying antibiotic ointment.

Kara lay on the bed like some badly beaten Sleeping Beauty and she was cold. Her skin felt almost icy, the I only sign that she still lived being the steady but shallow rise and fall of her chest.

Lena grimace. She had to get her out of the suit. First she reclaimed her now ruined and blood-stained sweatshirt and then the ruined top sheet.

Kara’s boots came off, then Lena unclamped her cape and tossed it back from her shoulders.

It took almost half an hour to wriggle her out of the suit, and that was after she had to hunt for the hidden catches and zipper.

Kara lay on Lena’s bed like some wounded goddess out of a forgotten myth, or maybe one never learned.

God she was beautiful, and the sight of her in such distress was more painful than she’d ever admit. Lena felt sympathetic pains in her jaw, her sides, her hands as she imagined the blows that could have wounded her so, wondered what sharpness of blade or claw it took to mark her like this.

Lena spread the curtains, so as to give her as much light as she could. Nurturing light, healing light, but still Lena did not wake.

Finally she learned what did this. Some alien outside Metropolis. They’d stopped it, the creature, but it had taken Kara and her cousin and the other so-called heroes that the news were calling the League.

Lena’s lip was trembling.

She has her grievances. She had her hurts. She had her reasons, her self-righteous justifications and none of them fucking mattered right now because a beaten, broken Kara must have flown from one side of the country to the other to clutch Lena’s fucking hoodie.

“God,” she whispered, sitting in her side chair by the bed. “God what have I done.”

Kara had held them off, she knew. Kept her from being arrested, protected her even after she’d done something awful. New visions flooded her mind, every barb she’d slung and every insult she’d hurled, every word of her explosive raging rant at the Fortress.

She’d killed her brother for this woman. Killed not the man who’d hurt her but the boy, too, the one who treated her like a human being and a sibling, at least for a time. The only family she had.

(The only family you have is lying on that bed and you have to help her)

She was helpless. Kara would either pull through or she wouldn’t. If she didn’t, sooner or later Alex would walk in here and put a bullet through her head and Lena didn’t think she’d mind all that much.

“Why couldn’t you have just told me?” Lena asked. “We could have been great together, you know? We could have been what my brother and your cousin should have been. We could have built a better world.”

Kara said nothing, just breathed.

“I could have told you my secret, then,” said Lena. “I could have held you and touched you and had you. I could have loved you, God damn it. Do you have any idea what you fucking did to me? You gave me the sunrise back and you were too much of a Goddamn coward to let me have it.”

Kara’s hand moved, fingers curling around nothing. She let out a soft sigh but didn’t move.

Lena fought it as hard as she could, fought it for hours. Eventually she had to do it. Gravity, quantum entanglement, call it what you will. She laid down on the bed, staring up at the ceiling beside her battered sleeping beauty.

“I’m sorry,” said Lena. “I’m sorry I hurt you, I’m sorry for what I did, I’m sorry for what we lost. It wasn’t worth it, Kara. Nothing was ever going to be worth it.”

She was still pale, cold, even when she rolled onto her side and threw her limp arm over Lena’s body.

Whatever made her move had not shaken her loose from her slumber. Kara curled on her side, chill hand resting on Lena’s flank. Another soft sound escaped her slack lips and she twitched.

The sun was going down.

Lena had to call for help. She knew what would happen. Alex would storm in with her self-righteous fury and judgment and fling accusations and then leave, taking her sister with her.

Worse, she would give Lena that look. The one that filled her with such rage and regret, that look not of judgement or even anger but sorrow, because Alex knew. She didn’t have to say it, it had been dripping from every word and deed directed towards Lena since the falling out began.

Alex knew that Lena was in love with Kara. That was the truth of it, the secret she held so hard to her heart that it had slipped her fingers and everyone had seen it but the two of them.

She loved Kara with every piece of her, every cell, every muscle fiber, every neuron, every bone. It lived in her and coiled in her and it had subsumed her soul until it couldn’t be carved out without making her hollow. She’d tried. When she’d hurt Kara she had only wounded herself even deeper. It had been like swallowing a draught of acid and expecting it to burn another.

She didn’t know what to do. She was helpless. Kara might be dying and Lena had never told her.

“Kara,” she said, shaking her. “Kara God damn you wake up, wake the fuck up! WAKE UP!”

Kara didn’t respond.

With a shriek of rage and pain Lena sat up.

“Please!”

Nothing.

Lena finally did it. She snatched the phone from where she’d dropped it and called.

It all happened as she predicted, save one thing. When Alex stormed in with a sub machinegun in her hands, she stopped and raised a fist, ordering her team to stop outside the door.

Lena was kneeing by the bed by then, half mumbling a prayer and stroking Kara’s cold hand.

Alex did not address her. She began barking orders. Stasis pod, medivac.

Bring the Luthor.

Lena sat in the back of an armored van in a daze. She let herself be led around like a trained pet and somehow ended up sitting in a chair outside a medbay room, while a now cleaned up and properly bandaged Kara lay on a bed beneath sunlamps.

“She’s in a Kryptonian healing trance,” said Alex. “If a Kryptonian gets hurt badly enough their body shuts down and goes into a kind of hibernation. She must have used almost all of her reserves to get back to your apartment.”

Alex glared directly into her eyes.

“To see you one last time.”

Lena swore her defiance in silence, but it lasted no longer than it took her to think the oath before the tears started.

“I have to go. The DEO is working with Superman’s little Boy Scout club to keep the thing that did this to her contained.”

When Alex left, Lena stood up and walked into the room.

Kara did not look regal. She didn’t look angelic. She looked vulnerable and small, like a woman a year or two older than Lena with a black eye and stitches in her cheek.

Lena knew the sun lamps would burn her, but she relished it, looked forward to feeling her skin sting and redden. She deserved it.

“Kara,” Lena whispered. “Please wake up.”

Nothing.

“Wake up.”

Nothing.

“Darling, wake up for me, please. Just give me a smile, a wink, squeeze my hand. Anything. Please. Please.”

Kara stirred.

“You can’t go yet,” Lena murmured. “I need you to stay. I need you to wake up so I can say—”

Kara’s eyes were open.

“I love you,” Kara whispered. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

Lena half coughed, half sobbed and lunged across the bed, ignoring the lamps, the bright lights, everything but Kara. Everything but the kiss.

“Don’t you ever scare me like this again,” Lena choked out.

“Turn the lights off,” Kara whispered. “Get on the bed. I don’t need lamps. I need you.”

“Kara, the things I did,” Lena began.

With a weak, shaking hand, Kara pressed her finger to Lena’s lips.

“There’s nothing we can’t fix if we’re together. Nothing.”

Lena reached over, doused the lamps, and climbed in with her. Kara was finally warm again, though she grimaced when she moved, tucking herself into the crook of Lena’s shoulder.

“I will always come back to you,” said Kara.

Lena held her close and closed her eyes, and for the first time in months she slept without tears.

[bexsld]

Lena sat at her desk finishing up the last of her emails for the day. She glared at her best friend, and colleague, who was sitting on the white couch staring at her from across the room. She’d been waiting there for her to finish for almost an hour.

"Please explain to me how you managed to get me to agree to this?" Lena asked.

"Because you're my maid of honour and you're legally obligated to be there.”

Lena groaned. "Yes, but Greece, Sam? Really? And a party area no less," she grumbled.

For reasons unknown to her, Alex and Sam had decided to go to Zante for a week and managed to convince their respective Maids of Honour to go with them. Kara was excited, but that was a given, she'd been wanting some time off work and away from Supergirl duties.

Lena on the other hand was dreading it. She couldn’t think of anything worse. She’d been complaining about it at least once a day for the past month.

"Lighten up, Lena. The company won't fall apart without you here. You need a break. You've been working a lot lately," Sam said.

Sam wasn't wrong, and Lena was well aware that she'd been spending more and more time in her office over the past few weeks. Even Kara had made the odd comment to her over the past few days over the increase in her already obscene working habits.

"I'm simply trying to get ahead on what I'm going to be missing," Lena argued with a shrug.

"Exactly. You're probably ahead till at least September at this rate. A little summer holiday is not going to kill you."

It might, she wanted to bite back, but Lena knew better than to argue with her friend. Sam was one of the very few people who knew how to beat her in an argument, or at least, temporarily convince her to stop.

“And, if you don’t recall, we’re meant to be meeting Alex and Kara at your apartment for dinner,” Sam quickly added.

Lena looked at the time and saw it was nearing 6pm and was on her feet in an instant, closing her laptop and slipping it into her bag.

“Whipped!” Sam coughed. “If I’d known all I had to do was to mention that Kara was waiting I would’ve said something an hour ago.”

Welcome to the dumb little fic I wrote. An engaged Alex and Sam drag Kara and Lena away on a trip away to celebrate the engagement. Lena runs into an ex and when asked if her and Kara are dating, Kara says yes. Hijinks ensues.

Lots of fluff. Some poorly written smut. But a lot of dumb yearning which is my specialty.

[kj-yikes]

15. Scotch

(on ao3 here)

Alex’s apology (or as much of an apology as Lena would ever get from Alex Danvers) is the hardest.

Lena had poured everything she could into creating a device to track Kara so they could find her in the Phantom Zone. And she had succeeded, just for Alex to take the device from her to use it to find the Prime Phantom’s lair. In the moment that the device went flying towards Alex, all the hope she had for rescuing her best friend had drained from her heart. 

Lena’s standing on the balcony of the Tower, brows furrowed. She wipes a hand over her face in frustration with herself. She had been wrong to fight Alex about the tracker. She knew that Kara wouldn’t have wanted to be rescued like that, but didn’t Kara deserve it? After everything she had done for National City? For the world? For Lena?

Lena leans with her forearms against the railing, looking over the city that Supergirl had protected for years, and wonders if anyone else in the city has noticed the Girl of Steel’s absence yet. 

She is lost in thought when she hears a voice from behind her.

“I brought you a drink.” Lena turns over her shoulder and sees Alex, a glass of what looks like scotch in each hand. With a small smile that probably looks more like a grimace, Lena takes one.

“Thanks.”

Alex shifts to stand beside her as they both survey the scene before them, sipping their drinks.

“You were right about the crysalis,” Lena finally breaks the silence, swirling the liquid in her glass. “I'm sorry I fought you on it.”

Alex lets out a heavy sigh. “I understand why you did. That's a decision I didn't wanna have to make.”

“But you still made it,” Lena presses on, the few sips of alcohol loosening her up to sharing her feelings. “Listen, I am so grateful to be part of the team here in the Tower, but I don't think I belong.” Alex’s brow furrows.

“Why would you say that?”

Lena sighs. “Well, it's like you said. I need to stop atoning for the sins of the past.” She takes another sip of her scotch and continues. “And I am determined to do good in the world, but... you and J'onn, Brainy, and Nia, I'm not like you. You're true heroes. I know how much your sister means to you, Alex, and yet today, you made the most painful sacrifice because it was the right thing to do, and... I don't think I could do that.”

Alex's face contorts, as if she's just realizing something for the first time. She seems to consider this for a long moment. Finally, when Lena begins to think that perhaps Alex is trying to find a way to let her down easy, her voice cuts through the silence.

“How long?”

Lena looks up, confused. Alex appraises her with her dark brown eyes, somehow probing past the facade and walls that Lena tries so hard to keep standing. “How long have you been in love with her?”

Lena’s sharp inhale seems to echo on the balcony as she shuts her eyes in shock. Surely, Lena thought, this conversation was long overdue. But Lena can’t bring herself to say the words out loud.

Alex nods and turns her gaze over the city. “You know, years ago, on a different Earth, Kara and I stood on the balcony of the DEO overlooking the city, and she told me that she would always choose the world over the people she loves. She chose to send Mon-El away to save National City from the Daxamites. And I stood there thinking that I couldn’t have made the choice she did.” Alex lets out a small laugh, her arms leaning on the railing of the Tower’s balcony. “If it had been me, I wouldn’t have sent Maggie away to save the city. No way in hell I’d sacrifice Kelly, now.”

Lena glances over to see Alex looking intently back at her, as if she’s finally putting the pieces together.

“I fought Kara every time she swooped in to your rescue, defended you when all the evidence pointed against you. And I never understood why she was so willing to sacrifice everything for you, with all the baggage of your family and…well, your questionable methods of dealing with problems on your own. No offense.” Lena lets out a small, wet chuckle and shakes her head a little.

Alex’s eyes narrow, and Lena feels like she’s piercing into Lena’s soul. After a moment, Alex continues. “I had never seen Kara so upset, after she found out you knew that she’s Supergirl. And all I could think was, over a friend?" Alex shakes her head, red hair falling over her jawline. 

There’s a long pause. “But…I think I missed it. From both of you.” Lena stares at Alex as the silence ticks on.

”I know you must’ve been hurt that she didn’t tell you. That none of us did. But you have to know, it never came from a place of malice,” Alex’s voice is soft in the cool night air. The softness pierces through Lena’s skin and makes its way to her heart.

This group of people, this family, Kara – everything she’s always wanted for herself, but felt like she didn’t deserve. That she had always held at arms length, waiting for the moment that they would break her heart. That she had smashed through when, inevitably, her heart did break, in moments of self-sabotaging that she thought she could never recover from. Somehow, it all ended up back with them. Each of them, in their own way, telling Lena that she had belonged all along, even through mutual mistakes and heartbreaks. Them, together, all because of Kara.

Maybe, just maybe, if she allowed herself a moment of vulnerability, things could work out differently.

Alex seems unsure of what to say next, so she repeats,“How long have you been in love with my sister?”

Lena takes in a shuddering breath. “Since the moment she stepped into my office,” Lena confesses, a lone tear streaming down her face.

“Does she know?”

Lena’s voice is barely a whisper. “Not to my knowledge.”

There’s a long pause, as Alex considers her next words. “We’re going to find her. And you should tell her.” Lena’s head snaps up. 

“Are you serious?” Lena asks incredulously, wiping her eyes from the tears that have somehow made their way down her cheeks. 

“Yes, I’m serious!” Alex wraps her in a quick one-armed hug. “Luthor, I just laid out the evidence for both of us. If you think for a second that Kara doesn’t love you back, then, well, I don’t think I can help you.” 

Lena shakes her head, her dark ponytail blowing softly in the wind. “I don't think it's like that for her.”

”I don’t think Kara has ever loved anyone like she loves you,” Alex says simply. There’s a heavy pause as Lena lets the words sink in. "Maybe she doesn't realize it yet, but she will."

“We have to find her first,” Lena whispers. Alex grabs her hand and holds it fiercely.

”And we will. And we will keep National City safe while she’s gone, or Kara will have both of our asses,” Alex reprimands lightly. “You belong on this team, Lena. I don’t think we could do this without you.” Alex’s brown eyes sparkle in the moonlight. “And besides, you are the only one with a decent taste in scotch.” 

Lena lets out a loud laugh, relieved that Alex has lightened the mood a little. She holds her drink up in silent cheers to Alex. Gazing out over the city, they both take a long sip.

Lena sighs, feeling a small swell of hope for the first time in weeks. That’s about the closest thing she’ll ever get to acceptance from Alex Danvers, and tonight, she’ll take it.

[uselesseaweedbrain]

Supercorptober - 2. Courage

Few misconceptions about Supergirl translated as well to Kara as the one about courage.

“You’re so brave”, people would tell her, and Kara would nod and smile.

But hiding was not brave - and Supergirl knew nothing but lies and half truths.

Kara lied and lied and lied so often that the lies became hers, altering her into a tainted, compromising, twisted version of herself, reality and truth blurring through her screen of deception.

Kara felt it and Kara fought it; but Kara didn’t dare speak, didn’t dare complain, or set her foot down.

You have to lie. Eliza’s voice rung out. They can’t know who you are. Kal concurred.

Never use your powers, alright?

And Kara didn’t.

For family, whatever the price, Kara would willingly pay - her tribute was far too big not to warrant further sacrifice.

But sacrifice can only go so far, before it empties you out.

**********************

Kara entered a CEO’s office behind Clark on a sunny day in National City, and the loom set into motion.

Kara entered that same office again.

And again.

The weave was getting bigger, complex and entwined in a colourful tapestry of mutual trust and understanding; it was a fact of life that Kara Danvers and Lena Luthor had become friends.

********

Kara had always known that Lena had secrets - much like Kara, it was the way she'd always lived. Much like Kara, it was the one way she'd learnt to protect herself. 

But Kara didn't know when Lena's secrets had become bigger than their trust, bigger than their friendship, too big to look past and too smothering to ignore. 

Kara’s own domesticated lies didn’t allow for another beast of their kind.

For what beast could serve a higher purpose than Kara’s? What beast deserved to be kept and cared for the way Kara did for hers? 

For all she’d sacrificed, for all others had mistakenly given her, Kara’s beast needed to rule - it needed control. It needed power and assurance. It needed dominance and certainty. 

Kara’s beast tolerated no others, no equals, and, definitely, no nemesis.

Once Lena’s beast reared its head, first with Lillian, then, much later, with Reign and kryptonite, Kara should’ve known it was over. 

Kara’s beast was only the strongest when alone, only confident when protected, only obedient when unleashed.

But Lena’s beast existed, and Kara’s twisted in its unexpected restraints, begging to be set free to fight, to assert dominance or hide forever. 

The two beasts were too similar to exist together, Lena’s too threatening - and Kara’s longed to settle the score.

********

Reign happened, reminding Kara of Kryptonian arrogance, Kryptonian ego, Kryptonian selfishness and sense of superiority. Reminding her of Krypton’s leading council, of her aunt Astra, of the horrors already wrought and the ones to come.

And Kara was, once again, confronted with the stark reality of her own inadequacy.

The Earthly Kryptonian - a unique monstrosity, an exotic hybrid, a chimeric alien stranded on a planet that would never quite be home, torn between two destructive civilisations, incapable of saving either.

Kara’s soul had crumbled under Reign's punches, its fragments aching to fall apart.

Supergirl had fought on - courage, maybe, or wild obstinacy. 

She had Lena, after all. She had Alex. She had the Super-friends.

She could die, if need be. She would die, if it meant safeguarding them.

But Reign, the embodiment of Kara's deepest fears, wildest insecurities, Reign, the Kryptonian World Killer, Reign, the conqueror and the murderer, Reign, that Kara couldn't stop, Reign, that Kara would have to slay, along with another part of herself, Reign- had been safely hidden in Lena's basement, Lena willingly at her mercy, and-

And Lena had made Kryptonite, and-

Suddenly Kara wasn’t ready to die anymore.

Suddenly Kara was angry, and scared, and oh! There was Lena’s beast, her secrets, her plotting, out in the open because she’d let them, because despite them, Lena would still be in control, and Kara was jealous, and her grip on the leash slackened.

Kara was still holding on, for now, but she wasn’t deluding herself anymore. Kara wasn’t in control, had never been, not when she’d been sent away for her cousin’s sake, not when she’d been abandoned by said cousin as soon as she landed, not when she’d been told to keep quiet, play dumb and lie, not even when she’d decided to become Supergirl, shackled to the DEO as both her selves.

Lena had lied, by omission, and-

Kara had felt betrayed, and-

Lena could have died, and-

Lena had made Kryptonite.

The one thing that could kill Kara, poison her and give her death without mercy, prolonging the pain and the agony until her last breath.

Lena had made Kryptonite.

To kill Reign. Lena said.

To kill Reign. A little voice inside Kara repeated.

Kara didn't hear it over the storm raging inside her skull, urging her to move, to do something, to regain control, because Reign was alive, Reign was strong, Reign could have killed Lena - still could -, Reign could have killed Kara - still could -, Reign would kill them and Lena had helped her. (Not her, the little voice inside Kara reminded her. Sam. Lena had helped Sam.)

Now Lena was helping Supergirl with Kryptonite.

Lena had helped Sam to shield her, but Lena only ever helped Supergirl to fight. To kill. 

Lena had given Sam and Reign a haven, and offered Supergirl a sadistic weapon, expecting her to accept it with grace.

The beast was pulling, thrashing wildly, begging to be let go.

And, oh, if Kara was only capable of destruction, she'd rather do it alone.

Suddenly Kara’s beast was on the loose, wild and unrestrained.

Kara watched herself from the sidelines as she ordered, regal and cold, for Lena to destroy her kryptonite formula, to hand over the mineral to the DEO. 

The DEO, which had screwed her over time and time again. Which had recruited Alex, and before her, Jeremiah, on blackmail and threats. 

The DEO, which had captured Kara with Kryptonite darts.

The DEO, which still held many aliens captive without hope of trial or justice.

Kara, Lena's best friend, had preferred a clandestine, authoritative, dangerous government agency to Lena Luthor.

Kara had demanded, and questioned Lena's motives, and-

"Oh, you don't like secrets, Supergirl?"

"No, I don't." The haughty tone, the defiant chin, the self-righteous attitude - the beast was roaming free, parading and posturing to hide its glaring inadequacies.

A perfectly sculpted eyebrow raise, and a perfectly tailored response.

“Good. Then, what's your real name?"

Kara’s beast recoiled in fear - the attack was too precise, too targeted - and lashed out - it was all it knew to do.

"It's not a very good question for a Luthor to ask someone in my family.”

The loom was running more slowly, and the tapestry was sturdy but Kara was strong - she had pulled and it had torn.

A microscopic tear, invisible to the naked eye. Barely a cause for concern.

But tears demand to be mended or widened, and Kara hadn't known how to sew.

********************

"You don't have anymore Kryptonite?"

"No, I don't."

Lena's heartbeat was calm, measured. 

Supergirl nodded. 

Lena had secrets, and she could hide them better than anyone Kara had ever met.

Hide them from Supergirl.

Hide them from her best friend. 

Lena had secrets.

Unacceptable.

Kara knew where secrets inevitably led, how quickly everything between them would decay and unravel, and she couldn't let it. She wouldn't let it.

Kara Zor-El, had she still existed, would have cautioned against such a train of thought. Kara Zor-El, however, wasn't allowed to live, but for the incomplete parts that survived.

In this moment, there was only Supergirl, the symbol, the mask, the armour. Supergirl, the Girl of Steel, the hero.

What would people say if they saw their hero cower in fear of Lena’s secrets? What would they do, once they found out Supergirl was but a cover, a pretence, nothing but a shell hiding a broken little girl? 

People couldn’t see. 

People couldn’t know.

Supergirl needed control. 

Supergirl would seize it, whatever the cost. 

"James? I need you to find out if there really isn’t any Kryptonite left."

James, albeit reluctantly, had checked.

"There's nothing." James had said.

Lena hadn't lied this time. Had never lied as far as Kara knew. 

But the thread was still unraveling - ever so slowly.

****************************************

Supergirl didn't regret anything. Didn't regret checking, didn't regret resorting to James, didn't regret sneaking around or faking trust in the meantime.

Kara did. 

It didn't matter.

"Why is it so important to you that we're friends, Supergirl?" 

The tear widened and the thread unwound.

"Supergirl has crossed a line."

"This is something my mother would do!"

Multiple threads. 

All Kara did was watch, and hide, until nothing of them remained.

*************

When everything fell apart, when Lena's hugs became performative, her smiles shallow, her laughs rare and strained, Kara simply stuck her head further in the sand. 

Lex was dead, and Kara had killed him, and she was a coward. 

She didn't question Lena's attitude. 

Any inquiry then would be akin to a gust of wind on a fragile house of cards, and Kara had struggled too much to let it fall.

Lena blew her off and Kara didn't ask.

Lena reconnected with Andrea Rojas and Kara didn't ask.

Lena sold CatCo and Kara didn't ask.

When Lena's barbed remarks became more frequent, her accusations less veiled, Kara looked at the weave, and wept for its tangled remains.

If she revealed herself on the night of the Pulitzer, it wasn't courage.

It was desperation, to salvage whatever remained of their lacerated friendship.

Inability to let it go and start anew.

Inability to watch the last tendrils of it burn - Kara had seen too much fire already.

Inability to face the consequences of her own actions.

Cowardice.

Kara was a coward, and now Lena could see it plainly. 

Lena pretended to forgive her and Kara went along.

Lena asked for Supergirl's help and Kara went along.

Lena requested she commit a felony, and Kara went along.

“For a friend like you, there are no boundaries.” Kara had professed, but what she meant was, my beast is yours, you’ve claimed it. And if it’s yours - so am I.

**********

Then, there was the Fortress of Solitude, Myriad and Kryptonite, and the last thread shrivelling into smoke as Kara watched from her green prison, her beast in agony and her heart mangled beyond repair.

“I killed my brother for you!”

“Don’t you understand what you’ve done?”

Kara didn’t want to see, didn’t want to hear, didn’t want to understand. She revelled in the  physical pain, much easier to bear, a focus and a distraction.

I killed my brother for you!

Lena had left and the Kryptonite had self-destroyed, and yet Kara had stayed, unmoving, staring at the burning ashes of their relationship with eyes newly opened - blinded by the fire, yet unable to look away.

**********

Mxy had shown up and offered Kara an escape that she greedily took. She watched on, and on, different versions of herself show the courage she never had, face catastrophes and watch the world burn - again, and again, and again.

When release came in the form of Kryptonite in Lena’s chest, Kara welcomed it; relished the knowledge that she could finally pay in that life what she had done in hers.

But Mxy was there and he had stopped it - erased Lena and her timelines and Kara’s desperate hope that everything could change without breaking.

************

Lena was working with Lex. Lex, the genocidal maniac who had almost killed her cousin, Lex, the dangerous mastermind, Lex, the manipulator, Lex, Lena’s older brother.

Lena had gone back to the safety of what she’d always known, had willingly believed Lex’s lies over Kara’s pleas.

Lena had chosen Lex over Kara, and Lena was no fool - she was calculated and smart and Kara knew what this choice meant.

In the balance of good and evil, when Lena had had to choose who she trusted more, or rather, who she distrusted less, she’d chosen Lex.

And, really, what did that make Kara?

This is something my mother would do.

I killed my brother for you!

*************

“I have made a terrible mistake. I was hurt- I was so hurt, and I thought I could get rid of the hurt. I though that I knew better, that I could make the world a better place; but I was wrong. That hurt took me down a dark, dark path where I was blind to what I was really doing, to what I’d become. You were right. This whole time I became a villain.”

Lena was crying, a thin sheen of tears in her eyes, a tremble to her jaw that she had never let Kara see. 

“I’m not looking for forgiveness, I- I know what I said, and I know what I did, but I’m- I am really hoping that you will believe me right now. Lex is working with Leviathan, and they are going to use Obsidian to do something terrible, using the system that I made with my project. I didn’t know I was helping them but I did, and- now I want to help stop them so - please. I want to help stop Lex and Leviathan.” 

Lena was apologising, after all Kara had done, and it became even clearer then - who the hero was, of them both.

“Sit.” Kara had said, her face unreadable. 

“I’m sorry”, she’d murmured in shame - low, much too low. 

“I believe you”, she’d added finally, and Lena’s eyes, big and teary and so green - staring at her like a god-send.

“You do?”

And Kara pondered, but she knew - it was her, who had broken all that they were.

“Yes”, she breathed.

“Why?” Lena asked.

“I’m sorry.” Kara repeated, louder this time, loud enough for a human to hear.

Loud enough for Lena’s eyes to widen in surprise, and Kara’s heart to squeeze in her chest.

People didn’t apologise - not to Lena Luthor. 

People cowered or threatened or took without mercy, and Kara had been no different. 

Demanding and unfair. Cruel and merciless. Manipulative and greedy. 

Taking, and giving back crumbs.

“But it was my fault”, Lena had argued, and Kara’s heart broke. “I’m responsible for all that I did - for the lies, the manipulation, Myriad, the- the Kryptonite cage.”

“I promised, Lena. I promised to always have your back - and in the end, I was the one who stabbed it, and watched you bleed. And I’m sorry. I took everything from you - knowing exactly what that meant.“

Lena’s hands trembled under the table, her tears streaming down her cheeks, and Kara had never seen her so bare. So beautiful. So hurt.

“Then why? Why did you- Did you do it on purpose?”

“No! No, Lena, I- I was selfish, and stupid, and I thought- if you didn’t know, you would stay with me. For me. You, being my friend - Kara’s friend - that healed a part of myself that no one had ever touched, and I wasn’t ready to lose it. Wasn’t ready to lose you.”

“Then you made Kryptonite, to help, and I was afraid, and Supergirl was a stranger and she didn’t need you and I lashed out just because I could.

After, when I saw what I had done, I wanted to erase it, start anew. Clean slate, go back to how we were. You said no. You said you had friends, that you didn’t need Supergirl to be one, too.

And it made perfect sense, but I believed that, maybe, if both parts of me could have you - even separated - that would finally make me whole.

But you didn't want two parts and I couldn't bring myself together for you.

And then I thought, if we had an expiration date, then what if I lied a little more? A little longer? Every lie would be another moment you stayed.

Everyone leaves, Lena, everyone, and the more I care-“

Kara shook her head.

“After Lex’s death- I should have known. I should have known that something was wrong, because I know you, Lena. But I was guilty, of everything, of keeping you in the dark and of keeping you at all- 

And so I ignored all the signals, all the signs, until-

Myriad, and the Kryptonite - I was angry, and hurt, but mostly, Lena, I was ashamed. Ashamed that I’d pushed you so far, ashamed that I hadn’t been there, ashamed that I ignored the obvious for the illusion of you.

So- I’m sorry. I know what I said, and I know what I did, too.”

**********

Might continue this, might not. Let me know what you think!

[lonelydiary]

15. Scotch

"Miss, you can't just storm in here! Miss Luthor, I've really tried to stop her..." Jess was a frustrated and stuttering mess.

"It's alright, Jess. Give us 5 minutes and if agent Danvers isn't done by that time you have my permission to call the security" Lena has said with a quiet reserved tone, sipping her scotch.

"Bold of you to assume, that we will be done after 5 minutes, Luthor" said Alex, after Jess had left them.

"Bold of you to assume, that you can simply march in my office, like you own the place" Lena sneered back.

"What are you doing, Lena?" there was a much softer tone in Alex's voice right now.

"In case you didn't notice, Alex, I'm drinking now" yes, a sarcasm was always Lena's best weapon.

"Oh, that I can see perfectly. What I don't understand is why you are destroying yourself like that."

"Oh, thats rich, coming from you, agent Danvers"

"Cut the bullshit, Lena. We are not talking about me right now. Do you honestly think, that drinking will help in your situation? Yours and Kara's situation?"

"You have NO right to tell me what to do. And don't pretend like you care about me, I don't believe you. You were lying to me, just like her. You all were lying."

"God dammit, Lena! I'm not your enemy, can't you see? I care about you! Kara cares about you! Don't you understand, that revealing her secret can lead to a tragedy?! For her, for you, for everyone she loves? I almost died last time someone knew, that Supergirl is my sister! Imagine, that will happen to you!"

"Need I to remind you, that I have multiple attempts to kill me on a daily basis? That's nothing new for me."

"Is that supposed to make us happier? Make Kara happier or less guilty, when she will be the cause of your injury or death? Lena, these past weeks she can't sleep, can't eat, she barely even talks to us!"

"Is that supposed to make me happier?"

"Miss Luthor, shall I call the security?" Jess's voice was sounding from the intercom.

"There's no need, I'm already leaving" said Alex. "Just think about this, ok? Kara hasn't said anything not because she wanted to humiliate or laugh behind your back. She hasn't said the truth, because she cares about you. Because she didn't want to loose you. She is lost without you, Lena. Just like you are lost without her. Don't let both of your mistakes destroy all good and wonderful, that you had. Will have".

And with that Alex was gone.

"Jess?"

"Yes, miss Luthor?"

"Please, clear my schedule and tell Frank to be ready in 5 minutes."

"Ok. I'm glad you are giving yourself a chance to be happy, miss Luthor"

"Thank you, Jess. I really hope so".

[eqt-95]

lmao i would not be surprised if sideguitars already asked for this but if she has, i need you to write a second one pls

tit for tit or however the saying goes

🖤 kissing while crying / goodbye kiss / desperation

ok. ok, so like. like, you technically asked for this. just saying.

- - - -

It hadn’t seemed desperate at the time. There hadn’t been tears. It hadn’t felt like a goodbye. For that, Lena blamed herself. There hadn’t been any legitimate threat to National City in over a year, and she’d become complacent; they all had: J’onn was off-planet, Alex was with Esme and Kelly in Midvale, Nia and Brainy were mid-flight to their honeymoon. All who was left? Kara. Supergirl.

And Supergirl was always going to save the day. 

“How can I help?” Lena had asked from their balcony overlooking the skyline. Three explosions blocks apart rocked the city, sending plumes of dark smoke into the air. Their Saturday afternoon picnic plans were about to take a rain check.

“Just get to the Tower and comms in from there,” Kara replied, her suit already on and attention wholly on the flames licking up the walls of glass. 

“Are you sure? I can come and-”

“There are too many sites; I need you to help me prioritize.”

“Ok,” Lena nodded.

Kara aimed her shoulders to take flight.

“Be careful, darling,” Lena called. She looked on toward the chaos.

Only then did Kara glance back and catch the look of worry that always clouded Lena’s features. She closed the gap and, with two gentle hands, cupped Lena’s cheeks and pressed a reassuring kiss to her lips. 

“I always am,” Kara winked, and then she was off, and then she was gone. 

------

It was raining.

Of course it was.

A cleansing. A nourishing. A load of bullshit.

The ground sank under her shoe; a poor choice in a downpour. Kara would have made a joke about that. Kara would have done a lot of things; should have done a lot of things.

Still, mud soaked and struggling with her footing, Lena trekked ahead toward the loitering of black umbrellas and somber expressions of people who knew Supergirl as Kara Danvers; people who didn’t know Kara Danvers at all.

A voice droned. It rang of a hollow religion that Kara Zor El didn’t practice, but appearances were needed. For what, Lena didn’t know. It didn’t matter anymore.

Eliza offered her a wet smile from her tear-stained face and Lena looked on. There had always been a small, selfish part of her that she'd always found comfort in knowing she'd be the first to go. 

"I’m sorry about your wife,” some faceless colleague offered. “How unfortunate that she was in the building, too."

Lena looked on. She looked on and clenched her jaw at the ignorance.

She ignored the pleading looks from Nia and Alex; the soft glances of understanding from Kelly; the hiccups from Esme. She ignored them until there was nothing left to ignore but the sound of rain battering against rayon overhead. She ignored that by dropping the umbrella to the ground where the wind pulled it adrift. Droplets pelted and winds chilled. 

Lena looked on.

The skyline was changed. A lot was changed. 

Now, instead of working at L-Corp, she commuted to a wreckage site.

Now, instead of a warm embrace, she knew only of the cold surfaces of a lonely penthouse.

Now instead of the handsome smile meant only for her, she stared down at a granite slab chiseled with lies.

“Why wouldn't you let me come with you?” she whispered into the wind.

And Lena wasn't sure if she meant the battle or wherever Kara was now.

[writershapeholeonthedoor]

My favorite ships ranked!

There's a huge chance this list will change once every two days at the very least, but let's do it!

1. SUPERCORP

Literally my favorite ship ever. They're just perfect for each other in every possible way. Their love languages complement each other perfectly, they can rely on each other, and they work together like the best team in the world. Lena needs love and Kara knows how to offer it without asking for anything in exchange. She will take whatever Lena is willing to give her and be happy about it. But Kara still needs someone that will look at her and see who she really is, no judgment, and someone who she will be comfortable being herself - Kara Zor El - with.

Speaking of fanfic, I think it’s safe to say these fandom has some very talented authors who gave us very well written works. They can also work in every possible scenario, so that's a huge bonus.

Favorite scene: "Supergirl might have saved the city, but, Kara Danvers, you're my hero."

2. SHOOT

Shoot is THAT couple that should have ended up together, but didn’t. I don't hold a grudge on it, though, because Root's death made sense to the show's ongoing plot. I can't say they would be perfect like Supercorp because Shaw has some emotional problems and Root is just also in love with a artificial intelligence or whatever, but they would work. Shaw would try - for Root - and Root would love every part that Shaw allows her to see.

Favorite scene: "You can't live with me and I can't live without you."

3. WAYHAUGHT

Do I even have to say anything? Our most perfect CANON couple. They were perfect from start to finish. The way Nicole absolutely adored Waverly, almost like a worship even, but wasn’t afraid to stand tall on her ideas and opinions. The way Waverly acted like Nicole hung the moon and stars in the sky just for her, and how we know she would be able to do anything to keep Nicole happy. They're that couple that make everyone's teeth rotten with how sweet they are.

Favorite scene: "You guys make The Notebook look bleak."

4. CABENSON

One of my favorite gay ships, so it has a special place in my heart. In the early seasons, it's pretty clear, at least for me, that Alex and Olivia could have something going on. I believe they were both shoving it away because none of them was ready to get seriously involved with anyone and they knew that whatever they decided to have would be too special to be treated lightly. Unfortunately, time was cut short for them when Alex got pulled away for WitSec.

I do think they will forever be each other's "almost", or "what if", but they're long past that now. They changed too much and they did it separately. If they were together, they would have changed around each other and, possibly, be able to work those differences to stay together. But now I don't think they would be able to keep a relationship. It's a bit sad, but it's also a very good portrait of reality.

Favorite scene: "You like being back on court, don't you?"

5. BISHOVA

I'm new to this ship, but I already love it. They remind me a lot of Shoot, actually. We just know that Yelena needs to find someone who would love her with no restrictions and that she deserves to find love. And Kate needs someone able to ground her, but also someone who allows her to be as silly as she wants, someone that will always have her back, doesn't matter how insane her plans might be. They have chemistry too. Also, I can see them getting together with no drama at all, or maybe something they can easily solve, and then being together for the rest of their lives to the point that they can't even remember a time they didn’t know each other. We didn’t get to see them that much, sadly, but I keep my hopes up for more scenes of them in the future.

Favorite scene: "You have one fork?"

6. FLEURMIONE

Okay, two intelligent and beautiful women together? Sign me in! I've been in Harry Potter's fandom for many, many, years now and, after giving it too much thought, I can safely say that Fleur would be the perfect match for Hermione. She would challenge Hermione, they would have endless discussions about any and every subject, they would have enough books together to fill up a library, and they would make each other want to be better every day. I also see Fleur being a bit sarcastic and Hermione keeps rolling her eyes at her at least fifteen times a day.

Fleur is constantly curious about the muggle world, always eager to learn anything Hermione is willing to show her. She would have a great relationship with Hermione's parents, mostly because she thinks they're one of the most genius people on the planet because they know how to fix people's teeth. Meanwhile, Gabrielle would loooove to talk with Hermione, especially when they get together to embarrass Fleur.

Favorite scene: You know, the totally canon one when Fleur asked Hermione to the Yule Ball.

7. LOU MILLER X DEBBIE OCEAN

Heist wives? Yes, please.

We don't even need to pretend. These two were totally banging throughout the whole movie. The headcanon is that they used to date, then Debbie made some stupid decisions, met the wrong people, they broke up for a while and then Debbie got locked up. I believe Lou was so angry with her for both being stupid and for ruining what they had because she wanted to get more money than they actually needed, that she didn’t even visit Debbie in prison.

While there, Debbie had enough time to realize how much of an idiot she had been, so it's up to her to win Lou back. Meanwhile, Lou knows that she's screwed the second she sees Debbies smile again. She just can't help but orbit around her.

Also, they're the Moms, no doubt about that.

Favorite scene: "Baby, I don’t have a diamond yet."

8. DANSEN

The only reason they’re all the way down here is because I hate CW, but I actually love them more than half of my family. They’re married, they’re moms, they’re in love, they’re perfect. Someone as caring as Kelly needed someone to make her go crazy like Alex, while Alex deserved someone that would understand her no matter what. Honestly, I just love them.

Favorite scene: THE PROPOSAL

9. CAROLNAT

Is there any chance this could happen? No.

Do I still dream about it? Constantly.

It's just one of those couples where things would just work. My biggest headcanon for them is that they would be constantly laughing and having fun. Always joking and playing around with each other. Natasha would crave physical touch and Carol would be happy just to be around her at all. Carol would finally find a reason to stay on Earth without feeling guilty about it and Natasha would one thousand percent make a retirement party for her.

Also, they would protect each other so fiercely that no one would even dare to warm any of them.

Favorite scene: The one where Natasha ends up on top of Carol in the training room. Totally canon, trust me.

10. GLORBIA

Might sounds crazy, but hear me out.

Barbie is literally Gloria's dream Barbie, and Gloria is the reason Barbie is alive. Once Barbie becomes human, I can totally see Gloria falling for her without even noticing it, while Barbie takes a while to realize what are those things she's feeling. I do believe Sasha would have a strong part in bringing them together. She would be the one to explain to Barbie what a crush is and what being in love should feel like, and then she would have to give her mom a gentle push to acknowledge her own feelings.

After that, fluff all the way. Gloria would be the most patient person in the world while she sees Barbie navigating human life, just happy to have whatever Barbie is comfortable giving her. Meanwhile, Barbie keeps getting surprised by how strong her feelings can be every time she even looks at Gloria.

Favorite scene: Not a scene per se. Instead, I'm bringing that Tumblr post that says "Ken only has a great day when Barbie looks at him. Gloria always has a great day when she looks at Barbie."

Bonus

11. GAY BELLA

Quite literally, any lesbian ship from Twilight. My favorite one is Rosella, but Bella x Tanya is a close second. Bellice is also a very strong candidate, not to mention Bella x Kate. And, oh, did I hear someone say Bella x Irina or was it Bella x Leah? Honestly, just give me lesbian Bella and I will be happy.

12. ROJARIAS

One of the hottest couples that exist.

Thank you for coming to my TED talk.