#Left Coast Live

[spacenintendogs]

the boys....

[hazelkjt]

"You did it!"

"It was just a fluke, though. A stroke of luck." -Emmanellain "Oh, just shut up and be proud of yourself for once!" -Hazel

[irradiatedsnakes]

what on earth? looking at the tracking on something i bought that was meant to arrive yesterday. on tuesday, it was in my city, and now it's in NEBRASKA?

[kcrabb88]

One thing that I find really aggravating about people who have never lived in Florida talking about hurricanes is when they're all "WELL JUST LEAVE FLORIDA NOW" bro do you know how long it takes to get out of say, southern Florida? Hours and hours and hours. Florida is so big! My family lives on the east coast closer to the GA border so it's simpler for them to leave. If you live in the south of the state it takes AGES on a good day! Evacuations come down to whether or not you are in a flood/surge prone area and have been told to evacuate. It's actually better to stay put if you haven't been told to go so the roads are clear for those who HAVE been told because unless you take back roads, there's (1) way out to up north pretty much. Impacts vary widely depending on elevation, how far from shore you are, etc. Like, in Saint Augustine, where I lived, the downtown is below sea level so during a bad thunderstorm it flash floods about a foot or so. You don't wanna be there if you're told to evacuate (Hurricane Matthew made this clear). But not every single area is like that. It can make a big difference for people who live right by the water just to go a little inland. I lived in Florida for 5 years and I would never do it again, but it does bug me when people outside the state think they know everything about the it. Not every person in Florida is the guy on his sailboat saying that God will save him. A lot of weird and frustrating stuff comes out of Florida, I get it, but there are actually normal people there who know what they're doing, and this is not even to get into the people who should evacuate and can't. They deserve our sympathy too.

[oplishin]

new years resolutions: to draw at all and to love more and to be more caring and to watch movies and to write more gay porn. i love you all fandom got me through 2024, and 2024 sucked a whole whole bunch. i hope the new year is kind to you <33

[thebibliomancer]

Essential Avengers: Avengers West Coast #61: The IMMORTUS IMPERATIVE

August, 1990

AVENGERS West Coast vs IMMORTUS and the LEGION of the UNLIVING!

Well! A Legion of the Unliving! And an Immortus. Vs the Avengers. We've been here before. But not with this specific Legion of the Unliving. Is that Iron Man 2020? He's not even unliving yet! Way to think outside the current year, Immortus.

Anyway.

Last times on Avengers West Coast: John Byrne was building up to something with Scarlet Witch and Immortus. But he had beef with editorial so he took his ball and went home and now Roy and Dann Thomas are going to pick up the plot threads and tie them together as best as they can.

But in plot terms: Scarlet Witch has been having the worst several weeks of her life. Her husband was disassembled and rebuilt except without emotions so he fucked off to the other Avengers team. Wanda went catatonic except when she woke up to be capital E evil and then she went catatonic again.

While she was Evil, she joined up with Magneto for his vague plans and kept suggesting he murder people. But then she went catatonic while he had to fight the Avengers by himself. So he fucked off.

Immortus has been shown spying on the Avengers for Reasons and deleting divergent timelines for Reasons and after Magneto fucks off, Immortus shows up to claim everything has transpired according to his plans. Also, he's going to marry Wanda or something.

Sir. If Wanda takes up polygamy, you are not high on her list.

Honestly.

This era of Avengers has way too much Kang and Kang accessories in it.

Quicksilver (and Lockjaw via growls) tell Immortus to get his creepy self away from Wanda but Hank Pym is like dammit, let the villain monologue!

He says it's for Wanda's sake but I think he just knows we'll never know what the plot is if we don't let Immortus villainsplain at them.

Wasp: "Spoken like a true leader and founding father, Hank!"

God. Get off his dick, Wasp.

I'd hoped that her characterization being reduced to being Hank's cheerleader would go away with Byrne but forecast looks bad.

Hawkeye ignores Hank (because the Avengers West Coast don't have an official leader so Hawkeye thinks it should be him and therefore he can do what he wants) and shoots an arrow at Immortus.

Which bonks off thin air.

Wonder Man: "You know force fields are standard issue with supervillains, Hawk!"

Yeah, Clint. Are you a veteran or not?

Immortus takes issue with being called a villain and asks "do you apply such negative labels to everything you cannot understand?"

Which would hit harder if it were not Immortus and not a situation where he's mind-controlling a woman.

Hawkeye points out that Immortus has been causing trouble for the Avengers since issue #10. I mean, he's right. But how does he know that? Issue #10 got retconned.

And Wonder Man says that his own introduction in issue #9 happened a few weeks after the Immortus fight that didn't happen at all because it was retconned and as Simon describes it the issues would be in the wrong order even if it did happen and...

This way lies madness.

Despite his injured leg, Quicksilver isn't going to stand by letting Immortus talk even if Dr Pym, Wasp, and Iron Man say he should.

He tries to rush Immortus but Immortus has Time Powers.

Immortus: "You would use so pitiful a power as speed -- against one who controls time, without which speed is an inconceivable concept? I could take this single step backward -- or walk to Earth's Moon and return -- while you were merely careening into this other fool who thought to sneak up on his superior!"

So Immortus just steps out of the way of Quicksilver's charge and lets him collide with US Agent. But he describes it as TIME POWERS.

Immortus doesn't actually want to Explain It All and says he's protecting all timelines, source: trust me, bro.

But the Avengers don't trust him, bro.

Wasp tries to get Lockjaw to teleport Wanda away. But she's still in that time-space stasis field thing and that's immune to teleportation. And also, Immortus has Dog Sleepy Powers which he uses to make Lockjaw to sleep.

Supposedly.

Lockjaw continues standing around with his eyes open. So maybe Immortus doesn't know how to get the Dog Sleepy Powers to work.

The Avengers all rush Immortus, since he won't exposition at them.

Immortus sighs and decides okay fine, I'll just take you with me then. And teleports them all to Limbo.

Leaving behind a weird after image of himself in the Avengers' base.

Immortus' throne room has been redecorated to look more... organic, apparently. Immortus says that's because Limbo reflects his moods and he's been in an organic mood lately.

Sure, okay.

I'm not sure what he means because the background just looks like. Rock. Like a rocky cave that someone put a metal floor in and a throne.

Wonder Man thinks it's very impressive and says a set like this would cost the budget for three of the movies he's worked on.

Hawkeye: "Right about now, Simon, your movie career's the last thing I'm worried about!"

Hey, c'mon, Clint.

He's just describing it through his lived life experience. And reminding people that he's an actor who acts in movies.

Remember when Hawkeye showed new maturity by getting married and leading a team of his own? Remember when he and Wonder Man came to an understanding in the sauna that even though he was an actor, being a superhero was still Wonder Man's number one priority?

I can't believe I'm saying it but characterization has gone downhill since Englehart.

Whether on Earth or in Limbo, the Avengers are still ready to kick Immortus' ass. And apparently his TIME POWERS only work on Earth. Because Limbo is timeless. Except for all the passage of time that the people in it experience because duh.

But if there's anything consistent about Immortus from the non-occurring events of Avengers #10 onward it's that Immortus doesn't fight his own battles.

Immortus: "Still, I am disappointed you think me stupid enough -- to face all you overly muscular specimens alone."

And boom. As the cover promised, a new Legion of the Unliving.

Getting a bit ahead of myself but that's Toro, not the Human Torch. The villainous Black Knight. Ugh, Grim Reaper. The Swordsman. Left-Winger and Right-Winger. Iron Man 2020, who I guess is unliving in the sense that he's not even been born. Unless you count sliding timescale because the timescale slid so hard that Arno is now contemporaneous to Tony. And Oort, the Living Comet.

Despite Oort asking if they remember him, this is his first appearance.

Like Arno, Oort is implied to come from the future. Although a more recent future.

Honestly, that's a fun thing to do with Immortus. It's HARD to do, unless you have established some characters from the future like the Iron Man 2020 series. 2099 characters would be a good choice but we're a couple years from that being possible. Or you can just make up a future character like Oort, the Living Comet, and have him mention a personal history that hasn't happened yet.

My point being: despite how stupid this story is looking, I like Immortus getting creative with his Legion of the Unliving choices.

Most everyone dies at some point and Immortus has every point at his disposal so he could throw any given character into his Legion.

Actually, I'm a little sad that the MCU just has Immortus as One of the Kangs and that maybe the Kang plot will get dropped or deemphasized due to so many reasons. Because an MCU Immortus dropping a Legion of the Unliving on someone. Imagine the characters you could bring back for it.

There are so many dead characters in the MCU. So many.

The only limit is imagination and how much Disneymarvel would be willing to pay to get actors to come back and reprise.

Anyway.

Wasp tells the Avengers not to hold back just because these are dead people that they might know. As far as she's concerned, these aren't the real dudes, they're simulcra that Immortus pulled out of time and if the Avengers get too in their head about fighting dead people they might know, they'll wind up dead instead.

She's actually right.

Because Immortus kept using dead characters that actually turned out to be alive - including Wonder Man once - it's had to be retconned that sometimes Legion of the Unliving members are just Space Phantoms.

So many Space Phantoms in Immortus retcons. So many.

Anyway, this Legion of the Unliving seems to have been chosen for personal connections with the heroes. Mostly.

Wonder Man obviously squares up against Grim Reaper, his supervillain brother that keeps harassing him and trying to put him and Vision in a blender.

Iron Man 2020 fights Iron Man because he's always wanted to prove he's better than the original Iron Man, Tony Stark, his great-uncle. Despite Iron Man's protests that he's definitely not the handsome, brilliant Tony Stark.

Hawkeye fights his old mentor and frenemy Swordsman.

Swordsman claims that he taught Hawkeye everything he knows which is why he's totally going to win this fight. Kind of ignoring the fact that he's been dead for years and Hawkeye didn't just stop learning shit. It's just a dumb boast, is all.

Black Knight faces Dr Pym, his old nemesis. Hank is no longer Giant-Man but he unshrinks Rover, the airship with the brain of an ant who loves Hank, so he can have an aerial duel with his old foe.

Right-Winger and Left-Winger fight US Agent. They're dudes he fought during his time as Captain America. He kinda blew them up in to a coma. Because they were involved in his parents' deaths.

Wasp is fighting Toro (who everyone is mistaking for the robot Human Torch). ... Okay, this is the odd one out. Wasp has no connection with this dude.

You couldn't think of a dead villain that has a personal connection to Wasp? I hate to say it but... I mean. She did tell Hank to crush Vibro to paste three issues ago. Maybe she should fight Vibro.

It would kind of make that fill-in issue where the Avengers West Coast take a break from the Wanda is Evil and Crazy arc more relevant to the arc. Wasp sentenced a dude to die because he wouldn't stop earthquaking Los Angeles. And then he pops up again in the Legion of the Unliving.

Feels like it writes itself but it didn't.

Anyway. The most interesting match-up here is actually Quicksilver vs Oort, the Living Comet.

Because Oort knows Quicksilver. And Quicksilver has no idea who Oort is.

Oort: "We never did find out which of us is faster, did we, mutant?" Quicksilver: "What are you talking about, Oort -- or whatever your name is? I never even heard of you befo-- NO! Those comet bursts --- fired at Wanda -- !" Oort: "You haven't changed a bit since we met in the 50th Century, Quicksilver. Even there, you were overly protective of your sister... though she couldn't care less whether you live or die!"

It sucks nobody ever ran with this.

This story is Oort's only appearance. We may never know what the hell Pietro and apparently Wanda were doing in the 50th Century. Or why they started beefing with this Oort dude.

The Thomases introduced Oort in this story as a future foe of Quicksilver because Quicksilver doesn't have a rogues gallery to draw on and everyone (but Wasp) was getting personalized fights.

So they made a whole new guy up to give Quicksilver a personalized fight and they gave Wasp Toro.

Double standard, boo.

Meanwhile, in the Hawkeye vs Swordsman fight, Swordsman does his usual Swordsman thing. You know, slicing or batting Hawkeye's arrows out of the air.

Really showing off his visual acuity and reflexes, the jerk.

He even mocks Hawkeye's gimmick arrows as relying on a "technological care package from Tony Stark" as if Hawkeye didn't invent anti-gravity by himself and then never use it for anything.

Swordsman: "Whether it's the strength of my arm -- or the sharpness of my blade -- I shall always be the teacher, and you merely the pupil!"

Basically Swordsman talks a good game up until the point Hawkeye tricks him into trying to block a 21k volt electro-arrow with his very conductive metal sword.

Props to the story, for a dude that Hawkeye has personal history with, he comes off like he has personal history with Swordsman.

After he... yeah, he basically kills Swordsman. Twenty-one thousand volts will do that. And this is Avengers Don't Kill Hawkeye, having to re-kill his dead mentor because if Hawkeye lost, Swordsman would move onto killing the next Avenger.

Hawkeye: "You -- shouldn't have made that crack -- about what you were gonna do to the others. I knew you best, so that meant I had to be the one to stop you, at any cost. Do me a f-favor, okay? D-don't let Immortus bring you back to life again. I really don't think... I could take that...!"

It's a low bar to clear but nobody in West Coast Avengers but Wanda has had appropriate emotions for the entire Byrne run. So I'll give credit where due that Hawkeye is emotionally impacted by having to kill a dude he has conflicted feelings about.

I'm realizing that I'm liking a lot of the bits in this story. The overall story is still kinda dumb. But it's cleaning up someone else's mess so maybe this bodes well for the Thomases run on this book.

Anyway. Remember how Immortus left behind an after-image when he teleported everyone to Limbo?

Yeah, Agatha Harkness did that.

She "half-sensed" Immortus' hand behind all the shit that's been happening to Wanda and her growing powers and her hard swing into mutant superiority and also the fake made-up children who definitely didn't exist.

Agatha didn't tell anyone though because fuck you nobody tells anyone their suspicions about anything in this book until it's too late to matter. Remember all the times recently that Hank Pym suddenly claimed he knew something all along?

But since Agatha Harkness kept a low-profile, Immortus didn't think to take countermeasures against her and she was able to cast a spell that left behind an after-image of himself.

Why? Eh. Apparently she can do magic on the after-image to learn what he's up to.

Agatha Harkness: "For, as you know full well, Earth's very timelines are in danger of unraveling, like threads in a fallen skein... but I, for one, am far from certain that you are the one to knit them up again!"

That's fair. He retgonned the timeline where Lincoln kicked John Wilkes Booth's ass. What a jerk thing to do, to get rid of that.

Anyway, Agatha does a magic that will make the image of Immortus share all the hot goss about Immortus' schemes. Magic can do that. Why wouldn't it?

In the grand aerial duel of Dr Pym vs the Black Knight, Black Knight's flying horse outmaneuvers Hank Pym's technology. He uses his laser lance to blast Rover but Hank just unshrinks a hover-pack and jumps out at Black Knight.

Who panics and falls off his horse to his re-death.

Hank saves himself with his hover-pack. He realizes that Black Knight must have remembered the last time he fell to his death, while fighting Iron Man, and that's why he panicked and, ironically, caused history to repeat.

Having put this together, Hank feels lousy about helping history to repeat on Black Knight.

He supposedly repented his evil right before he died the first time and then Immortus drags his ghost out of time, or whatever, and throws him into superhero fighting again. Black Knights just got no luck.

... Huh, did Thor ever get Dane out of that time warp he left him in?

Meanwhile, US Agent gets double-teamed by Right-Winger and Left-Winger.

Then US Agent throws his less-mighty-than-Cap's shield and makes Left-Winger trip so both brothers accidentally stab each other with stalagmites.

US Agent: "Welcome back to the dead zone, boys."

It's his favorite DBZ movie.

But, wow, he sure is proud of himself for deading those two guys.

Elsewhere in this big Limbo, Iron Man vs Iron Man. Future technology vs modern technology. A dude who just bought his armor vs the dude that built it.

And Iron Man 2020 is kicking Tony's ass. There's several decades of advancements in Arno's favor, even if Tony is the better engineer.

Iron Man 2020: "Face facts, unc... You're like some primitive stealth bomber up against a star raker from my day!" Also Iron Man 2020: "Whoever you are in there, you're last century's model!"

And then Tony wins via sucker punch.

I guess decades of improvements don't mean a lot if you can't take a punch.

Shrug.

(Feels like there was a more thematically satisfying conclusion to this fight somewhere but this is a team vs team fight issue and each character can only get so much time.)

Over with Wonder Man vs Grim Reaper for the umpteenth time.

Grim Reaper is in full bigger brother bully mode, reminding Simon of when they were kids and Eric would threaten him with a stolen pocketknife.

Grim Reaper cuts Wonder Man up with his scythe (which he lampshades he wasn't able to do when he was alive) but Wonder Man grabs him by the throat and demands he stands down.

Bigger brother bully refuses and shocks Wonder Man with his scythe, Wonder Man determinedly keeps his grip on Grim Reaper's neck and-

KRAK!

Wonder Man: "My grip -- so strong -- I killed him -- broke his neck! Immortus's control over him was so strong -- he wouldn't quit fighting till he was dead again! You're going to pay for this, Immortus! So help me -- you're going to pay!"

Damn. That's dark.

Which seems to be the theme with the fights where the Avengers win their fights.

Hawkeye had to go against his Avengers Do Not Kill principle and re-kill his mentor. Hank Pym (accidentally) put the fear of death in Black Knight so hard he died of it. And Wonder Man squeezes his brother's neck so hard it breaks -- and doesn't even realize he's doing it.

Oh, and US Agent made two brothers kill each other. But he doesn't seem too broken up over it. I guess he's the combo breaker.

And the afterthought fight: Wasp vs Toro.

Who she confuses as Human Torch until he informs her otherwise.

I sincerely believe this fight happens - and Wasp gets screwed out of a personalized fight - to clear up some continuity.

When Toro reveals he's Toro, Wasp realizes that the previous time the Avengers saw the robot Human Torch in a Legion of the Unliving (under Kang) it couldn't have been Jim Hammond because androids can't die because they're not real people!

Oof.

Toro: "Kang the Conqueror once thought I was the Torch, too -- when he gathered the first Legion of the Unliving! I was a man -- so I could -- and the Mad Thinker murdered me! -- Just like Immortus is going to make me kill you -- RIGHT NOW!"

Glad we cleared that up.

And, yeah, Wasp loses her fight because she's too distracted by the Not-Human Torch thing.

This issue kept cutting back and forth between Agatha interrogating Afterimage Immortus and the Avengers vs Legion fights. I just moved most of the fight stuff together in this recap for clarity.

Because we're about to do some big retcons, Agatha Harkness asks Immortus to RECAP HIS ENTIRE BACKSTORY.

Granted, how long has it been since we learned Immortus' complicated deal?

He was born in the 30th Century in a world of peace and plenty and he hated it because it was so boring. His only solace was watching old video tapes of superheroes punching people.

Especially the Fantastic Four. He loved their exploits best because he had learned that he and Reed Richards both traced their ancestry back to Nathaniel Richards.

Little Kid Future Nathaniel Richards (Ie Immortus) found a shrine Reed's dad Nathaniel Richards left behind with a time machine. Young Immortus rebuilt the time machine to look like a Sphinx and time traveled back to Egypt to take over as White Pharaoh Rama-Tut.

Then the Fantastic Four showed up and kicked his ass and he fled Back to the Future.

He went too far, wound up in post-apocalyptic year 4000 and became Kang the Conqueror.

Later, he became ashamed of all the stupid shit he did as Kang and became Rama-Tut again and took over Egypt again (but benevolently?). Then he became Immortus and moved to Limbo.

Afterimage Immortus: "As Immortus, I was a more contemplative type than my Kang counterparts, who were dedicated only to the conquest of historical eras. Sequestering myself in the ageless dimension known as Limbo, I dedicated myself to the study of that ultimate enigma -- time itself."

Then, the Time Keepers came to Immortus in Limbo and taught him all about time and appointed him the custodian of the time stream for the period which he had lived as Kang -- 3000 BC to 4000 AD.

So Immortus became responsible for monitoring time travel during that period. Which mostly meant monitoring himselves.

And if he fulfills his vow to the Time Keepers' purpose, they'll give him total mastery over those seventy centuries.

Kind of seems a downgrade from when Immortus was Master of Time.

Agatha Harkness asks Immortus what the Time Keepers' purpose is and what the heck it has to do with Wanda or with all those divergent timelines Immortus deleted in Byrne's run.

Afterimage Immortus: "You already know the truth, old woman! The Scarlet Witch is a nexus being -- one who belongs equally to all possible timelines -- all realities and divergences -- so that, through her, all futures can be totally safeguarded -- inexorably controlled -- by Immortus, Master of Time!"

Okay. Does that mean anything for Wanda herself or does that just make her a plot device to win?

Remember when Sentinels kidnapped Wanda because they needed to her power to sterilize Earth? And not her hex power, just the fact that she was A Woman?

This shit keeps happening to Wanda.

I'm surprised she didn't go evil and crazy sooner.

Speeeeaking of whiiiiich.

This is where (Afterimage) Immortus explains how he's been behind everything.

EVERY. THING.

Going back to his first appearance in Avengers #10 which was retconned and didn't happen so I don't know what he's talking about.

But, hypothetically, his evil plan in that story that didn't happen was to break up the Avengers so Scarlet Witch could never join them. Without the Avengers as a support network, Immortus could have manipulated Wanda so much more easily.

And why did Immortus show Vision an origin where he was built from the body of the original robot Human Torch? TWAS A RUSE! He wanted Vision and Wanda to marry and only knowing his origins would make Vision comfortable enough in his life to marry!

(The retconned origin that Vision was made out of extra Human Torch parts is close enough that one wonders why Immortus didn't just show him that? This is stupid. God I hate sweeping retcons like this.)

Why did Immortus want Wanda and Vision to marry? Is he just a big ol' shipper actually?

NO!

WANDA MARRYING VISION WAS ACTUALLY A SLOW BURN PLAN TO MANIPULATE WANDA! IMMORTUS PLANNED IT ALLLL!

Immortus knew that Wanda would want children and that she would specifically use her mutant magic to magic them up instead of adoption or surrogacy! He knew it all along!

And having created fake, not-real children, he knew that one day, she would learn they weren't real!

Afterimage Immortus: "Over time, Agatha Harkness, I slyly seduced the Vision into attempting to dominate the Earth by taking over its computers. After he tried that, it was easy to subliminally influence a multi-national security alliance to take him apart-- in such a way that, although his android body could later be more or less reassembled -- the Vision's particular mind and memory -- and thus his love for the Scarlet Witch -- became part of a dead and unrecapturable past! Soon afterward, even while I was subtly increasing her hex power, I made certain she was one of seven brides-to-be of Set, to further undermine her confidence -- by making her fear she was doomed, always, to be a victim of circumstances beyond her control. Perhaps she was, at that. Witness her quite coincidental capture later by the human servants of the micro-organism known as 'That Which Endures'... Although Master Pandemonium, whose kidnapping of her 'twins' caused her pain and terror, was unknowingly obeying my secret suggestions. And when her 'offspring' finally vanished forever -- you, dear lady, did me the service of explaining to her how they never truly existed! This was the final straw that turned her into a hard-hearted human-hater -- and thus perfect for my purposes. Magneto's blundering along just then was an annoying, but quite temporary, nuisance -- one which scarcely delayed the implementation of my plan!"

God this is so much. I hate it also so much.

Saying someone secretly conspired to organize so many events is a hard sell. And roping in Master Pandemonium seems unlikely since Immortus couldn't see into the netherworld where he took Wanda.

Saying Immortus nudged Vision into his takeover the world plan diminishes the original story.

And the writer drawing the line at Immortus being responsible for the That Which Endures story is just kind of funny. It's brought up solely so Immortus can say "that wasn't me" even though it seems like the racism goo turning Wanda into a mutant supremacist would only serve his plan.

There's so much to like about this issue and then there's the big reveals, which are unfathomably stupid.

Sheesh.

With all this exposition, Agatha Harkness has finally pieced together what Immortus' plan for Scarlet Witch is.

Although, she doesn't share it with the class. No doubt wanting to keep up the tension for next issue.

(Also, Immortus sends the Legion of the Unliving back into the void, sparing Quicksilver and Wasp from being finished off by their opponents.)

Next week, switching back over to Avengers East Coast for more airport paperback political thriller action in the Crossing Line arc. And in two weeks, the Immortus slash Wanda is Evil and Crazy arc wraps so the Thomases can start their own plots.

I will not be sad to see Byrne's lingering plot threads go.

Follow @essential-avengers. I'm too tired for a more extravagant pitch. Like and reblog, maybe?

[lesbian-diana-cavendish]

A life update:

I now live in Texas of all places

And in my old age I'm apparently starting to go blind ✨✨✨

[zenjestrr]

a One Piece restaurant opened up relatively close to where I live so I think that was the final push to get me to finally consume OP so I can go there and experience childlike wonder

[age-of-moonknight]

New Champions (Vol. 1/2025), #1.

Writer: Steve Foxe; Pencilers and Inkers: Ivan Fiorelli and Ig Guara; Colorist: Arthur Hesli; Letterer: Travis Lanham

[ebonysolcum]

I left the Midwest to escape the tornadoes and now we’ve got a tornado watch on the east coast. I can’t wait to go home.

[soft-serve-soymilk]

More random head children musings (aside from the really sad one because that deserves better than a throwaway post):

Honestly I think it’s very fortunate that Dism’s team isn’t *entirely* comprised of lucid dreamers.

[xaveria]

people who live in cold climates amaze me. my hands and feet freeze if i am below 73F/21C like literally they don't produce heat. and i have SAD. how do u do it

[pleasureryland]

ok month old fall out boy concert photos!!!! yes we had bad seats but it doesn’t matter because my spirit lifted from my body and it was like I was watching from the pit. or something.

[ghost--lemon]

lord i just want rest, why is this race taking so long.  how did so many different things all go wrong

[womanfredvonkarma]

.

[whereimnotme]

Photo taken during climate action protest in Canberra, January 2020, featuring another of ScoMo’s tone deaf quotes - ‘thankfully we’ve had no loss of life’ - from that ill-fated small town PR tour.

"Yes, two, that's quite right. I was thinking about firefighters really," said Morrison, before expressing his "sincere condolences" for the 27 lives lost during the ongoing disaster.

Officially, 33 people were ultimately killed directly by fires that summer with another estimated 445 people dying from smoke inhalation.

Meanwhile the PM fucked off to Hawaii on holiday.

I am still incandescent with rage.

I just spent some time scrolling through this blog and am suffering from sever laughter. Thanks so much for collating the countries craziest moments. One of my favourites is when Scott Morrison was in Hawaii while the bushfires where burning.

December 2019: As Australia's east coast is engulfed in the worst bushfires in living memory, rumours begin to circulate that Australia's Prime Minister Scott Morrison may have secretly fucked off for a holiday in Hawaii.

Keep in mind, this is what is going down in Australia at the time:

The Hawaii rumour is initially written off as a fringe conspiracy, because surely nobody could be that fuckin tonedeaf, and it was quickly forgotten about... until an Australian man visiting Hawaii UPLOADED A SELFIE ON THE BEACH WITH THE PM THROWING A SHAKA.

At which point all hell broke loose.

Overnight the formerly popular "Scomo" became the most despised man in all of Australia. Think "firefighters shouting out of their windows to news cameras" level of despised.

After about two days of radio silence and pretending like he was still at home running the country, the Prime Minister's handlers finally dragged him onto call with an Australian radio station, where he pinky promised to return to Australia as fast as he could in an attempt to calm things down.

Unfortunately Scott's empathy consultant (a real job) then had to watch Scott pour more gasoline on the dumpster fire by uttering the now famous phrase "Look I don't hold a hose mate" when asked by the radio interviewer why the fucking fuck the fuckhead wasn't fucking in Australia doing his fucking job during a massive fucking crisis.

Testing just how much worse things could get, Scomo then proceeded to NOT rush back to Australia as promised, instead attempting to complete the rest of his holiday, a fact that was exposed when a passerby snapped a picture of him still lounging on the beach two days later.

Eventually, holiday complete, Morrison did reluctantly slink back to Australia, and in an attempt to calm things down, he decided to pay a visit to a small town that had been destroyed by the fires.

Which was a big mistake.

Scomo still had not registered how absolutely and totally he had screwed the poodle with his Hawaiian beach vacation, and he walks into what is now taught in PR classes as one of the greatest examples of "what not do do in a crisis" in all of history.

Scotty from Marketing, as he is now dubbed by the nation, spends a painfully cringe-inducing hour wandering around a burned down town with TV news cameras in tow, having to FORCE PEOPLE TO SHAKE HIS HAND in what is some of the most awkward footage you will ever see.

At this point it's probably also worth mentioning that, before becoming Prime Minister, Scott Morrison's biggest claim to fame in politics was being the guy that was so far up the coal lobby's arse that he literally brought coal into parliament and waved it around, claiming it doesn't hurt people.

So when a protest was organised it turned out to be one big national fuck you to the Prime Minister, the likes of which the world has never seen before or since.

Needless to say, at this point Scomo's career was dead in the water, but thanks to the rules brought in to stop Australian political parties from knifing their leader every two weeks (a popular Aussie passtime) Morrison basically couldn't get fired until after the next election.

And so, when the election rolled around in 2022, we decided that was an opportune time to travel over to Hawaii to erect this bad boy tribute to the Prime Minister, on the very beach where Scomo had sat and drank margaritas that one fateful week in December as Australia burned (thanks to @chaser for funding the ticket)