#Last letter

[truthfultales]

Of Discoveries and Worries

Link to Ao3

Summary:

When Athena Dekarios is bringing some order into the tower, she discovers Gale´s Last Letter which thankfully never had to reach her. What does reach her, however, is a certain realization.

A tear had fallen onto the paper currently vibrating with the trembling of my hands; 

the text it held barely decipherable to me, now that emotions had won against me. Not that I would need to see the words that had been carefully noted down – my mind had already stored them away in its vault. 

“My love,  

I write this letter with the most fervent hope that it might never be delivered.  

If you are reading it, then my hope was for naught. I have failed.  

Please know – I did not intend to let you down.  

I promised you the heavens, and by the gods, I meant to give them to you.  

To know that I have disappointed you is more than I can bear to imagine.  

Yet sitting here, on the banks of Chionthar, imagining you is all I can do.  

You are perfect. You always were, and you always will be. I wish I had told you that more.  

I hope the paltry offering of my company was a fair trade for the richness of your love, your strength, your generosity. I treasured them all.  

I know a simple letter may not be enough to sooth your hurt. But you will find peace again, and I hope, one day, a more worthy love. It is the least you deserve.  

Yours forever,  

Gale.”  

A sob escaped me, despite my serious attempts at getting myself under control. I knew it was irrational of me to be crying over a letter that – thank the gods – had never been delivered to me. Irritated, I wiped away the offensive salty water, nearly giving into the inner voice that invited me to be compassionate with myself. When I started organizing boxes in the tower, I had not expected to be faced with the past in such heart-clawing way. 

The lump in my throat did not want to leave; deeply tied to the nightmarish thought of losing Gale. My insides contracted, making me think of a hand closing around my intestines. Gulping, I tried to remind myself that there was no reason for me to let go of the little food I had recently managed to take to me. I hadn´t lost him – Gale was vital, and his brown love-filled eyes had met mine just about an hour ago. The Netherbrain was gone, the tyranny ended! We had made sure of it. Why then did this letter have such a hold on me? Why did it hurt so incredibly much? Shouldn´t I be alleviated, since its creation had proven unnecessary? Some tears might´ve been considered appropriate, considering the scenarios these written words created of a world without Gale, but this storm of emotion was something I wasn´t accustomed to. 

“Mrs. Dekarios, I have the suspicion you shouldn´t be putting yourself under such emotional distress.” 

Tara, Gale´s Tressym, had silently entered the room without my knowledge. As untypical as my emotional outbreak may have been, it did not prevent me from noticing the multilayered way the family member had decided to formulate her thoughts. 

A deep sigh left me, revealing how tired I already was despite the early hour. Emotional outbreaks apparently could be more draining than some physical fights. I started wondering how more sensitive people could live in a constant state of exhaustion. 

“You have suspicions, do you? I can´t say you´re wrong – nobody should put themselves under emotional distress, if avoidable.” 

Lifting myself from the kneeling position on the ground, I folded the letter and placed it back in the box I had been searching through before. 

Tara jumped onto the foot end of the bed, looking at me curiously and – so was my impression – somehow complacent. 

“I was more referring to your current state. One should be more careful than usual when growing a child under one´s heart, don´t you think?” 

Silence. Everything seemed to turn into a silent basin of water; the realization falling like a drop into it – causing ripples to form. The otherwise quiet sound of a waterdrop falling suddenly loud. 

Pregnant. I was pregnant. Questioning Tara´s instincts was far from me, when faced with the evidence. I had been nauseous, tired and emotional. My husband had taken note of the unusually tender state of my swollen breasts, but I had bled – albeit less than usual – not thinking much about it. I had suspected I was getting sick, counting myself under those affected by the stomach flu taking hold of many in the city, but not being with child. 

My movements slowed; the processing of thoughts taking over my focus. 

So, I had been right after all, when my intuition had reached out to me after that one time Gale and I shared an intimate moment in the kitchen. I ignored my intuition once and fate laughed at me. I remembered the teasing jokes shared after having told him about my inklings. It was not that we had been unaware of the potential we had to create life, and we had not been unwilling to welcome any child placed in our lap either, but it still came as a shock to me. 

Memories flashed into my mind, taunting me playfully. 

“I think we might have just made a baby”, I had whispered against his body, lying half on top of him on the kitchen floor. It had been so hot, that the cold kitchen floor tiles had provided a welcome cooling effect.  

His chuckling´s vibration against my cheek had provoked a smile on my end and lead me to press a kiss against his hair covered chest.  

“That´s always a possibility. Even tea can fail, and as far as I am aware you have not been drinking it in a while.”  

Nuzzling his neck – his hand on my arm – had felt like Elysium on Toril. The warmth radiating from his body not overbearing like the heat that had taken the city captive, but rather soothing and invigorating.  

The air leaving my lungs quivered on its way. 

“He needs to know. Instantaneously.” 

I turned, in order to leave the room in search of Gale, when I saw him standing at the door. He looked stunned, uncertain, worried. I opened my mouth but nothing would leave me; tears welled up once more but I managed to keep them from overflowing. He didn´t seem happy. He did not smile or show any other sign of delight. It choked me. Feeling alone with him in the same room was entirely new to me. 

He had known this was a possibility, he had agreed to unite with me at a time where fertility was highest. Why was he recoiling? 

He silently entered the room, his head hanging. Eyes fixated on his hands, he sat on the bed. 

“What are we going to do now?” 

I could no longer prevent the tears from making their way down my pain-stricken face. 

My feet dragged be slowly towards him. 

“What do you mean by asking that question? What are we going to do?! Gale, you knew ! You KNEW and now you treat me like that?” 

He looked up at me, his eyes empty; his whole demeanor one of distance. 

“I... I don´t know. “ 

Tara sat silently beside him, even she knew that chiding him right now was not going to do any good. 

Nausea was rising again, and this time I had no option but to run to the bathroom to empty myself out. I had no energy left. Nothing had prepared me for the feeling of losing the only person I had ever let truly close to me. My partner in crime, my best friend, my lover... my husband – he had let me down. Something I had feared when I first fell for him and had believed he would never be capable of over time had taken place – he had broken my heart. 

The next two days had been dominated by silence. We saw each other, politely registered the presence of the other, but did not really interact. It was hard on me and Tara´s unbelief had been shared by myself. We both suspected he was wrestling with himself; trying to realize what would change and which responsibilities would await him. He had never believed himself to be capable of being a good father, but when we had settled after the end of the war, he had seemed open to building a family with me. The days of silence had given me opportunity to empathize at least partially with him. It couldn´t be easy to understand how much he would have to shoulder. Nevertheless: I felt lonely. 

The sun was setting when I came home on the day he approached me again. I was singing a prayer song to Lathander (Codoro, 2017) when I walked through the door to our tower. It gave me hope and connected me with my god whose temple I had just left. 

🎵  

In the darkness of the night,  

In quiet, desperate hours,  

I will bring Lathander���s light  

And cast out evil with his power.  

When joy’s fire flickers out  

Amidst shadows dark and gray,  

I will announce with mighty shout  

The coming of the day.  

And so, my precious Morning Lord,  

I thank you for this song  

And pray that evil’s growing horde  

Will break upon your dawn.  

🎵  

My voice carried through our rooms, I knew, for the walls had been proven thin before. 

I assumed Gale was in the study, going over tomorrow´s teaching plan, when I placed the groceries I had bought on my way from the temple on the kitchen table.

“You´re back.” 

I gasped and flinched, surprised by his presence. When had he learned to sneak up on me? 

“Startling a Paladin isn´t wise, you know?” The words left my lips with a fatigued smile. 

He approached me, looking seriously at me. When his hands touched my waist, my head shot up in astonishment. I let him touch his forehead to mine. 

“I would like to apologize, my love. My behavior has been  atrocious on every level. I was so afraid to fail, that I... “, he paused, his face contorting with the burden of knowledge, “that I ended up failing you, of all people. I promised I would not let you fall, and yet I did. There is no excuse, but I request your forgiveness. I want to remedy what I did. Others want nothing more than a child, desiring an heir and seeing it for the blessing it is, and here I was - suddenly overwhelmed by the prospect of becoming a father. You are more than I ever wished for, and this child inside of your womb – the child we called into existence – is an immeasurable gift. I just hope I will be a worthy father, that I do not let my self-centeredness win. Having a part of you and me walking outside of our bodies in not much time is a wonder I can hardly await.” 

Relief flooded me, but with it I frowned. Taking a step back to be capable of looking into his beautiful warmth-filled eyes, I spoke. 

“Self-centeredness? You have many flaws, Gale Dekarios of Waterdeep, but that is not one I would list. You have proven your selflessness in more ways than I can count, and the love you have given me has been of the purest form. I worry about not living up to my potential – of not being able to become the mother I would like to become. But you? I never doubted you, love. Never.” 

His relief was visible, and the embrace that followed filled with hope. Lathander´s presence was undeniable. 

“Finally, you have come to your senses! Morena will be delighted! She already made plans, you know?” Tara´s haughty voice reached us, becoming the source of our laughter. 

With a smile that reached his intelligent open eyes, he assured me: 

“Love does not capture how much I feel for you, Athena. You are my Universe, you surely must know it.” 

My hands framed his handsome face, appreciating the stubbiness of his beard. 

“You surely must know that I feel the same.” 

He did. He did and made sure we both knew exactly how much we loved each other, by pulling me into our bedroom. 

Reference  

Codoro (2017) R/dicecameraaction on reddit: A prayer-song of the morning lord , Reddit . Available at: https://www.reddit.com/r/DiceCameraAction/comments/6urzh0/a_prayersong_of_the_morning_lord/ (Accessed: 04 April 2024). 

@galesdevoteewife Here we go. ^^

[owlshellaxy]

🎬 Movie : Last Letter (2020) | Dir. Shunji Iwai

[sillytriumphdragon]

The Last Letter ~by Rebecca Yarros

Genre: Contemporary romance | Military romance

My rating: 5/5 ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

My thoughts:

It's so hard to write a proper review that truly articulates how much I loved this book without spoiling it, so I'll keep it nice and short.

I went in completely blind and was not expecting this level of heartbreak. However, through all of that devastation, this book is so special. I loved how the letters between Beckett and Ella are woven into the story, showing the development of their pen pal relationship versus their face-to-face one. They were perfect for each other and just gravitated toward one another, and their relationship felt so real because of how imperfect their love was. While I loved Beckett and Ella, Maisie and Colt truly stole my heart.

This is one of the most emotional stories I have ever read. It is so much more than just a romance. We explore heartache, grief, survival, love, loss, trust, forgiveness, and so much more. It will rip your heart out. If you need a good cry, read this book! This book is high on emotions. I laughed, I cried, I rooted for the couple and the kids, and I was wholly invested throughout. I loved this book to pieces and still feel raw from all the emotions running through me. And the best part: every chapter starts with a letter.

Fav Character: Beckett

Ugh, I loved him so much!

Favourite dialogue:

"Somewhere between letter number one and letter number twenty-four, I'd fallen in love with her."

"Funny thing about broken hearts - only the living have them"

[that-enragee]

[...] "Farewell, my beloved; I do not say 'farewell' to you, I say 'good night' for I will be sleeping a moment, just a moment! When I wake up, I will see my beloved again and nothing will be capable of separating us no more".

- Excerpt from the last letter of Jean-Jacques Durand, major of Montpellier, to his wife, as shown in La Dernière Lettre (1984), author Olivier Blanc.

[zorjya]

ラストレター(2020)/你好，之华(2018)

Last Letter

Dir. Shunji Iwai

[unbelievablemistakes]

With nothing to lose, he arranged he's own guts.

"Farewell", says the note he wrote before...

"Farewell my" ... but no concrete description.

"Farewell, i will always" ... no concrete reason for what he would have always done.

"Farewell mom"... but no reasons left behind.

"Farewell my love"... no name, no condition, no description, nothing.

Ps: "Farewell me"... to late to change things.

[foolsocracy]

this is actually so funny. imagining garth quipping and contributing to the conversation in his head cause he forgot the rest of the teen titans can't pick up on his telepathy

[fewthoughtsbyme]

Dear my peraon,

After a long time, I had bad thoughts, I haven't felt hated for myself since last time when you ended things.

I dont know what's going on. You're talking differently. Before, I could tell you wanted to talk. I could tell you had love for me, I could see your efforts. Now, it feels like I'm an annoyance; someone you would rather avoid, and maybe don't love anymore.

If you don't want to talk, say directly because I don't want a copy of last time, where I chassed and it backfired.

I would rather know so we can end it permanently on good terms.

Becsuse tbh, I miss you, our time, your voice, and your presence. I'm finding things hella difficult now.

But, if you're truly done with me and don't need me, then tell me directly. I would rather have clousre than feel like I've done something wrong, or I'm pestering you for a conversation.

Sincerely,

Your love

[in-the-multiverse]

Every season has a distinct feel, I tried a new style to tell their stories through distinct shapes (and rl is like that for funsies)

[loostinyoureyes-blog]

La última carta

Quise quererte. Quise quererte desde el primer momento que pasámos 48 horas sin dejar de hablar. Recuerdo pensar que nunca nada se compararía en intensidad. Quise quererte con todo el impulso de la costumbre. Necesitaba un lugar donde seguir poniendo mi amor y ahí estabas tú. Recibiéndolo de buenas, preparado para que te cuidaran como la primera vez, como la primera mujer de tu vida no pudo hacerlo. Si mañana falto, no me busques. Recuérdame bien, con una sonrisa. En las leonas de los documentales, al subir la manta hasta tus hombros, en el te de buenas noches o en la mordida de tu gato. Te quise bien y de eso me siento orgullosa. Te dejo ir para que te cuides, para que aprendas, para que te ayudes. Sé que no sabes otra cosa que la soledad, pero yo estaré contigo. O al menos tú estarás en mi. Quise y lo hice, no me quedan remordimientos. Sólo el dolor de no poder estar. Fui y fuimos. Aunque no fuéramos y no seamos. Gracias otra vez. Perdóname el pasado en esta frase, pero fue un placer conocerte.

[owlshellaxy]

🎬 Movie : Last Letter (2020) | Dir. Shunji Iwai

[this-is-youniverse]

Last Letter (2018)

[eireenpeacebewithme]

I deleted it. Those letters. I remember writing them.

I remember telling someone I'm so proud of them. How sorry I am with everything I've done that hurts them. How I really wish life will give them only the best. How I want to give them something I own. How I want them to post or delete all my social media. How I want them to keep everything as a secret.

And more. How my feelings mirror how much I truly treasure everyone of you. That I'm just scared to face it or even scared of your rejections, because maybe we aren't friends in your point of view. You are someone I'm proud of meeting in this uncertain lifetime. You are someone with the prettiest smile. And I hope life will give you all of the reasons for your smile. I adore you, just as much as I adore those flowers far from me.

Yes. I deleted them. For some reason, I don't remember. I just remembered writing all of them. I will probably rewrite them again anyway. I've done this a couple of times anyway.

I deleted my last messages and last wishes for all of you.

[clandestine-sadboy]

My final letter to you

my dearest friend, my last lover, my person,

….Je ne te mérite pas….

I remember you in the little ways, and it brings me joy. To be close with you again even though it is only in spirit. I leave myself to process my thoughts, feelings… my emotions about you. My love for you will never ever subside. For my own well being I needed to accept all that has happened. I am ashamed of the ways I’ve changed you as a person. I feel everything under the sun, my biggest fear is never ever seeing you again, never laughing with you again; I really meant it when I said I loved you. Emotions are so so powerful, sure… go figure. Right? It’s just one of those things you knew in the back of your mind but never truly understood the gravity of it. Truth is, i have done so much shitty shit in my lifetime- that to a certain extent I actually learned how to control my emotions and thoughts. Despite reality. I learned how to give my all into someone, and I learned how to not annoy others with my hyper activity, I learned how to love less, I learned how to emotionally disconnect and reconnect time and time again. I learned how to distract myself from the bad thoughts, even when it all came rushing back- sooner or later I would regain control and focus on something else. In many ways I don’t think you deserved me and the way I loved you sometimes… And I don’t think I deserved you- at all. Any part of you. I’m well aware we both have feelings that we never thought we’d ever feel, and it’s because of the other. The hardest reality I’ve come to realize is; we slowly took the best parts in each other and completely exhausted them to the point of death and now we’re not the same people we used to be. I don’t know who you are and you don’t know me either. Life is so fucking unfair and it’s so hard to even understand. Sometimes I miss you and sometimes that’s all I fucking feel. Is just… a longing crave for you. The worst pain follows every single time; I miss someone who doesn’t exist anymore, maybe someone who never existed in the first place… because of me. I hurt you time and time again because I couldn’t process my emotions, I was so insecure I filled in the empty spaces, and when you didn’t live up to the version of you I made up in my head I punished you for it. All of this realized, too late. I try so hard not to think about what you’re thinking or what you’re doing, or why you treated me certain ways… all this thinking of you leaves me with nothing but quartions, building up into hurt, anger, confusion. I have been forced to grow and heal the deepest parts of myself, parts of me I never knew existed. I just wanna talk to you, but I can’t even bring myself to try. I still move through my life and want to tell you things. Which is one of the hardest things to come from all this, I never thought I’d not be able to tell you something. So incase you were wondering, yes I still love you. No I don’t want to be with you. Yes I’m still hurting. No I don’t move through life blind from my shortcomings in our relationship. Yes I still crave you. No I haven’t been cooped up in my room dwelling on what used to be. Yes I’ve slept with other people since we broke up. No I don’t want another relationship. Yes I am lonely and still feel like you are the only one for me. No I haven’t been talking shit about you. Yes I’ve been honest about what transpired between us. No I havent been doing so well. Yes I have been actively trying to listen to what you said to me and be better. No I don’t think everything is all my fault. Yes I am upset with you and get bitter sometimes still. No I dont feel ready to talk to you. Yes I see the petty ways you’ve tried to get to me. No I don’t hold it against you. Yes I am actually happy for you and hope the best in your life. No I don’t think I understand everything. Yes I give you the benefit of my doubt. No I don’t think I am innocent. Yes i want to reconnect in some sort of way with you one day when we’re both ready. No I don’t hate you. Yes it hurts, all of it… it hurts so bad. I’ve been happier though. And I know you have been too.

You still inspire me to be a better person. Thank you. For existing and being my rock. You’ve made such an impact in my life that even when you’re not around you help me. So no, there’s nothing I regret. Other than the mistakes that I have made that led me into this position I am in today. I’m sorry, I hope one day for your forgiveness. I hope one day we both live happy, stable, healthy lives. I hope our babies are doing well and thank you for blessing me with all the love and comfort over the years. I’ll shamelessly miss, love and care for you for the rest of my life. I’ll always be there for you if you we’re to ever need me. If you were to ever call me, I’d always pick up. If you were to ask me for a favour I’d always do my best to help aid you. I’ll always remember and absolutely treasure the laughs and memories with you. And I’ll always think of you on December 4th, when I see the number 8, when I go to the casino, when I get a new outfit, when someone says my person, when all those movies and tv shows and songs play, when I dye my hair blonde, when I think of BC, whenever I see a dog, whenever I’m one a drive, whenever I sing or take a shower… yanno, I think you get the point. But last but not least and I’ll always… ALWAYS feel joy when I hear/see your name.

But I don’t deserve you, I never have. I’m sorry I was unable to be who you needed me to be, who I promised I’d be for you. I love you, I loved you and I will always feel love for you.

Sincerely, with love and passion,

T.K

[anopenheartedsoul]

Dear E,

I want to give you your flowers while you able to receive them. Loving you will be the best thing to ever happen to my life. I know that our lives took a huge turn but it didn’t end the love and care that we have for one another. I know that this may not be easy for you to read but I want to share this feeling and thought with you.

You will forever be the reason that I pursued love the way that I did. Us drifting away from one another will forever be a mystery to me but it’s understood at the same time. We can blame our ages, timing or the universe on the cause but I’m glad how everything turned out for us because we have remained in each other lives like we are still together.

I also owe you the biggest thank you for standing by my side as I laid my mom to rest. I thank God made it so the woman (which is you) was by my side during the toughest of times. Side note: I think you should’ve fucked me that night but that was just a feeling lol……..Thank you for being there.

Also, thank you for being that constant and consistent “NO” in my life…….lol……even though I be joking, you know it’s some seriousness to me wanting you. You don’t know how much you keep me on the right track when it comes to doing the right thing. I really thankful and grateful for you.

Your love and care for me will never be questioned. You will always have a place in my heart that can never be replaced by anyone. Thank you and know I love you always and forever.