sillytriumphdragon

[sillytriumphdragon]

When I am gone, do not fear my memory.

Do not be afraid to speak my name or look through old photographs.

Do not be scared to play old videos so that you might hear my voice and see me laughing.

Do not be wary of visiting my favourite places or eating my favourite foods or singing along to my favourite songs.

I know it will hurt. Those memories will remind you that I am gone.

They will stab at you like a knife in an open, gaping wound. Raw, excruciating pain.

But after a while the knife will become less sharp, the wound will become less open and the pain will become less raw.

And those memories will remind you that I was here.

That I lived.

Do not reduce my life to my death.

Speak my name, hear my voice, sing my favourite songs and visit my favourite places.

Because that’s how I can stay alive a little.

Right here with you 🧡

******

Becky Hemsley 2022

[sillytriumphdragon]

"Tears are like words that need to be written down, but sometimes they're too heavy and too complicated to ever find their way on paper." They burn behind your eyes, swelling from the weight of emotions that cannot be said, emotions that twist and bite your soul.

"You try to express them, release yourself from their embrace, but all you can do is cry, silently begging someone to understand what you can't even say out loud."

~Paulo Coelho

[sillytriumphdragon]

Dear 2025,

I won't ask you to be gentle, but please, be bearable.I have been through so much pain this year. And if there's one thing I learned from all these aches, it's that; pain and problems are inevitable. That, no matter how much I ask and yearn for the world to be gentle, it'll always be cruel and hurt me in one way or another. Because challenges and cruelty are part of us, humans, that we can't get rid of.

This year is a bumpy road. It felt like my journey was filled with tears, exhaustion, and unending grief. I failed many times this year. I cried, stumbled on my knees many times, and lost some people I love. But I somehow managed to get through. And I think that's what really matters—to have made it 'till here.

So, I'm slowly accepting the fact that this year will also be filled with pain. That my path will be filled with thorns, that life will throw a lot of challenges along the way, and I will grieve ceaselessly like a child losing its pet.

This year, I won't be asking for kindness anymore. But I pray, that all things will be less heavier and more bearable.

[sillytriumphdragon]

[sillytriumphdragon]

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A day which lay sly and unseen

~Tess of the d'Ubervilles

[sillytriumphdragon]

[sillytriumphdragon]

Life is cruel. We want something different, something better. We try to make it so, but things often turn out far beyond our expectations or imagination. Life shows us, again and again, that living is not easy. It puts us through one test after another, and each new test feels harder than the last, making us think the previous one wasn’t as bad as it seemed.

Along the way, we lose many treasures in this one life, some of which are gone forever. We continue living without the people we never thought we could live without. We experience all the colors of life before death. Maybe death is easier, and those who left are now in a better place.

[sillytriumphdragon]

[sillytriumphdragon]

"We lost someone today. You’d think I’d be used to it after all this time, even callous toward it. A few years ago I was. I have no idea what’s changed lately, but now it feels like every loss is exponentially harder than the last. Or maybe they’re the same, but I’m different. More angry."

Rebecca Yarros, The Last Letter

[sillytriumphdragon]

[sillytriumphdragon]

I read in a novel, Reminders of Him, when Kenna said:

“There was before you, and there was during you. For some reason, I never thought there would be an after you.”

~ Colleen Hoover, Reminders of Him

For parents, it’s more like:

“There was only during you. I never thought there would be an after you.”

[sillytriumphdragon]

My Dear father,

Happy birthday. Even though you’re no longer here in this world, I want to wish you a happy birthday. This place isn’t the same without you, but I know you’re in a beautiful place now. There must be gardens filled with flowers, and you must be enjoying the most delicious food. I believe you’re happy and at peace.

I miss you so much, and I often cry because you’re not with us anymore. All we have left are memories, but they fill my mind every day. I think about you all the time, and I wish I had told you more often how amazing you were. You were such a great father—responsible, caring, and loving in your own unique way. The world lost someone incredibly special when we lost you, someone so pure and innocent.

I wish I could bring you back to us forever. I’m wishing you a happy birthday today because you still live in my heart. I feel your presence, like you’re still sitting on the sofa with us, eating and talking. I’ll keep your memory alive until my last breath, until we meet again in the next world, where we’ll be together forever.

Your daughter,

Anum