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willowaudreykeyes · 19 hours ago

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This was utter fucking chaos

And I LOVED it XD

Headcanon - Helluva Boss / Hazbin Hotel Crossover

But not in the way you think.

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Basic concepts:

You have Angel Dust who was Mafia and hated it, esp bc of his dad

Alastor who loves to take out the nastier elements and clearly killed his dad for being a bastard.

Charlie who is full of sunshine and misguided dreams

And then you have IMP

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Maybe Crimson and his goons get Moxxie cornered somewhere, and it catches the attention of Alastor, who was following up on the whole ''Mimzy situation'' from a few months prior now the extermination is over.

Millie is caught in an electrified net, they want her Alive to punish for the whole wedding debacle. 'That fuckin broad killed all my guys, she needs to learn her place' said the macho mafioso from behind like 40 armed guards the little cretin.

Blitzo is contending with Striker, who is playing best friends with Crimson right now.

Loona… well she WAS right there, but something caught her interest on one of the nearby shopfront screens, where it will turn out Vox was playing games with the minds of viewers again.

Alastor had been passing the area, mostly to make a point of still being alive to Vox as he saunters past the stronghold, when things began to explode around him. Which, honestly, not unusual.

However, when peering into the smouldering crater of several buildings and storefronts, it was clear a rather nasty altercation was in progress.

“What the FUCK?” comes a familiar voice, as Angel Dust appears at his left shoulder. Those sharp eyes had snapped alert and were roving the scene for information as that third pair of arms materialised, tommy guns and all.

Ah yes, the other reason for this whole foray was a request from Charlotte to pick up the adult entertainer, as some of his fans had been getting rather… unable to understand boundaries as of late. And as someone who could enforce them in an eldritch manner, Alastor seemed a positive choice.

Only because Husk was overly sensitive when it came to Angel's protection and would fight anyone anywhere if they looked at him funny; Niffty wouldn’t differentiate between good and bad interactions; Vaggie was a bit twitchy to be a bodyguard right now; Lucifer didn’t do public real well right now; Charlie didn’t want to go near Vee HQ for a while… and let’s face it, Alastor was going to go there anyway to upset the television demon.

Not normally one to meddle in others’ affairs… hah! Can you imagine?

No, Alastor was going to get in there and have a look, but he sent his shadow to scout it out first… the goons definitely looked like the ones Mimzy had brought to the hotel a while back, but then there were a lot of sharklike hellborn, and he wasn’t going to be accused of racism by slaughtering wholesale (under these circumstances).

From up close, you could see the little lapel pins clearly, and yes… those were definitely the hellborn he was after.

“Why, my dear Angel Dust, would you care to join me in some tomfoolery? They appear to be related to the mooks who decided to ‘run up on our turf’, as they say. Do you require any rizzing before the battle?”

Angel just about got whiplash from that one. “Okay, who the FUCK is teaching you these terms and why? I thought I was hallucinating when you said 'Fs in chat for the king's sense of tste' this morning when Short King was putting more syrup than pancake on his plate. But you just-... what the-...

Never mind, we’re gonna fix your old timey ass’s vocabulary when we get back t’the hotel. But yeah, I’m always down for a quick bang sesh…” He winked lasciviously. Laughing at the eye roll he received.

They advance on the unsuspecting fools.

Charlie was NOT going to be pleased.

“MILLIE!” comes the agonised cry of a small dapperly-dressed imp being pinned to the ground by sharklike hellborn several times his weightclass. Blood drips from a gash across the temple as he struggles to free himself.

A female imp is fighting to free herself from an all-encompassing mesh net that sparked violently, her muscles fighting against her from the shocks. “M-Moxxie, I’m fine! Pr-omise!”

“Oh you little daddyfucker, I’m gonna rip your goddamn horns off and shove them up HIS ass!” Blitzo yelled, firing wildly at Crimson between dodging fists from Striker. “Loona, Looney-Petuney where are you?!”

“Oh shut yer holes, ya fuckin’ whore. You think I don’t know that ya banging that blue-blood? Is that any kinda example for you to set for my son? He’s already a weak waste of space, and that’s before we get t’the limp-wristed part… but you certainly ain’t helping.”

“Do-Don’t listen t’him honey, you’re perfect as y’are!” Millie yells, she’s managed to tear a few threads with her claws, but the smell of burning flesh is ever present.

“Yeah, I’m the only Daddy you need!” Blitzo calls back, pauses as he rethinks the statement, and adds, “I mean, daddy-ish figure, but we can negotiate if you and Millie ever wanna-... ow, would you stop fucking biting me? I’m trying to have a meaningful emotional moment here with my bangable employees?!”

“Hey now, you little traitor… I think you’d best give me a little more of that attention. Got a score to settle with you after that last mess you left me with. Gonna make you a new hole, and if you’re nice… I might just fill it for ya.” Striker snarls, lunging with a blade outstretched.

“Oh fuck you, can’t you go back to the horse thing? That was at least a little sexy.”

“ENOUGH!” Crimson shouts, firing off at Blitz who can’t dodge both blade and bullet, resulting in the projectile hurling him several feet down the alley in a bloody mess. “Now, I’ve had about enough of this whole fucking mess you’ve made for me, boy… every moment you draw breath you’re bringing shame t’The Family and I can’t be having that. There’s time for me to start again, make a better brat… but you know the sayin, ‘out with the old...'".

He cocks the gun. “Say hello t’ya mother for me.”

Someone is screaming his name as the barrel comes sharply into focus... and that’s when Crimson’s hurled several feet away into what was once a solid brick wall.

“What the FUCK?”

“Hahaha! Why hello, what’s happening here then?” comes a too-loud, violently cheerful and utterly spine chilling voice. “My, my... you see, my associate and I couldn’t help but overhear the ruckus and came over to investigate! I’d advise you not to move an inch, if you would, for my friend here has excellent aim and I find bullet-riddled meat so tediously chewy.”

Crimson got a full look at the tall red fucker getting in his business, and blanched at the sight.

Two male sinners stood there backlit by fire, smoke and the sparking neon lights of the city. The pink one had to be eight feet fucking tall with six arms, sporting a definite scowl just as sharply as he held two tommy guns that appeared to be of Carmine make.

The red one, that freak was smiling rigidly as black tendrils extended from his back… his own hands bare of any weapon.

With a click of those talons her calls fingers, akin to the sound of bone breaking, the electricity that had been surging through the net wrapped about Millie ceases completely. The voltage fizzling out.

With a sharp grin, Crimson fires off a round at the red one, confident smirk falling to a snarl as the Sinner didn’t do more than roll with the impact to his shoulder. “Who the fuck are you? This ain’t your business… get outta here.”

“Why, Angel… someone who hasn’t seen your various portfolio of work! How truly unusual... shall I alert the media?" The red one croons, eyes going black with red… dials? Were those dials? Appearing in the depths.

“Heh, well that makes like four people in all’a Hell… so I think my hit rate is better than miss.”

“Indeed! Well, well, well, to answer your question I am Alastor, pleasure to meet you, truly a pleasure! And this is Angel Dust, infamous adult entertainer and excellent marksman, so do try to run… I rather enjoy seeing how far fear can get you before he blows your head off.” There’s a pause as this Alastor turns to Angel. “Do at least try to hold in the innuendo, I can sense it on the tip of your tongue…”

“You know what else could be on the tip’a my tongue…?”

“Hah! Save it for your talkies, my dear fellow… now, where were we? Ah yes, dealing with this unpleasant creature. First and foremost, I have been looking for whichever fool decided to send his little puppets after my dear friend Mimzy and ended up damaging our lovely hotel.”

“What? Mi-... HER? That fuckin’ bitch? She stole so much shit, killed a dozen’a my guys and ran off with the goods she was supposed ta move in this damn ring. You sayin’ I should just forgive and forget you fucking freak?”

“Oooh,” Angel made a show of hissing between his sharp teeth in faux sympathy. “Yeah, so Radio Daddy ain’t like it when you talk about his friends like that…”

“Too true, and-... you know, we need to talk about the increasingly bizarre nicknames you keep creating. Anyhow, secondly, well… we’re nosy little altruists slash sadistic brawlers who love a spot of bloodshed, who rather dislike when the powerful are mistreating those below. Especially when a father is threatening the life of their child, little mobster, right in front of Sinners who have a distinct distaste for it.”

“Wait, are you the fucker that ATE my guys? The goddamn Radio Demon? Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME?!”

“Well, I assume that in general I am god-dammned, but I don’t think he did it personally…” muses Alastor, while Angel Dust stifles a laugh. “Still, I don’t appreciate when a friend or even a thrall is targeted. Torture and murder are fine things, but in moderation my good imp, you can’t do this willy nilly, yeeting bodies hither and yon, that is simply cringe of you.”

Angel was going to die again if this didn’t stop. He was trying so hard to keep a straight face. Who the fuck was teaching him these phrases?

“We don’t really get along with those who pick on those weaker than them, or their kids, especially not whatever the fuck this is. And dontcha do the whole ‘for the Family’ bullshit with me, bub, ‘cause I literally lived and died that life already. Willing to go a lot further now I can regenerate, but you can’t…” Angel advises, his eyes tracking more goons sliding out of the shadows.

“Cute little ambush, all looming out of the shadows like that. Think you’re forgetting who owns them, huh? Al, you want ‘em or can I shoot ‘em?”

A rather satirical sounding waltz began as the shadows about the encroaching creatures hardened, locking them in places. “Do have your fun, Angel, I will see to this situation over here first… join when you have a moment!”

Bullets sprayed through immobilised bodies for a few seconds. “Hey, actually, can y’let some run, I’ve been meaning to test my range since the Extermination and well, the Hotel ain’t got no range.”

“Of course, the idea is quite based… pookie.”

Angel nearly shot a flying demon out of the sky as he turned around abruptly, his heart thundering from the strain of this weird interaction. Was he still high? Did he stand too close to Val during that last shoot?

“Your toys are escaping, which is a Big Yikes, bestie. This discussion is for another time. Assuming I ever decide to tell you. Now, are you Gucci?”

“Y-yeah I’m Gucci. But seriously, who the fuck is sliding you slang under the damn table, is it Rosie? Charlie wouldn’t. You and the King are fighting too often for it, so who the fu-...?!”

This was starting to feel like a fever dream.

“Nevermind that, my good fellow, see to your targets. Now, I am going to count to three and everyone will take their hands, tentacles and other appendages off of one another or I’m coming over there!”

He sighs and rolls his eyes at the sudden burst of giggles from Angel Dust, and apparently a rather tall imp that was bleeding a few feet away. “Do try to contain yourselves. One… Two… Two and a half…”

Sharklike demons hurled themselves from their place atop the littlest demon, who crawled over to the one in the net. Crimson rolled upright to take a step towards them, but found his way impeded by an inky black tendril.

“Millie, are you okay? How badly are you hurt?” Moxie gasps, untangling her and not really noticing the small shadowy hands that helped until she was free. He jolts backwards, shocked, but returns to his wife immediately.

“I-I’m fine, Mox, nothing that won’t heal. You need t’go help Blitz, I think I saw that fucker Stryker over there get a shot in.”

“This little fellow?” Asks the figure who looms over them, with the reptillian ensnared in a tentacle, snarling furiously at being held upside down.

“Fucking Sinners always think they’re too good for the likes’a us and you sell-outs do whatever they damn want, as long as they pay. Ain’t nothin’ but a buncha whores…” snarls the cowboy.

Somewhere in the distance, a familiar theme song starts as the cowboy frees himself momentarily, grinning brightly as if he was in control of the situation. It fades as Alastor tilts his head and snaps the music out of existence.

“Oh really, I’ve heard of people being quite full of themselves without cause, but to have your own theme song feels somewhat… masturbatory. You should really try something with a little more life, like Jazz. Now, what to do with you?”

With another snap, a portal full of tendrils appears, immobilising both Crimson and Striker.

“Would anyone have any suggestions? I do enjoy listener participation, don’t be afraid to call in your ideas now.”

“Oh I have a few ideas, but they’re mostly around how deep you can get those tentacles if I ask. However, in lieu of that, your up-tight-i-ness how about you maybe rip a few limbs off and we’ll see what’s left of old Stryker here, huh? He’s been bragging about his plans to kill Overlords and Goetia for like, fuckin’ forever and it’s so annoying!” Blitz interjects, grinning coldly at the now-sweating cowboy.

“You intended to kill Overlords, little one? Hmmm? Have you ever actually seen one up close?” Alastor’s grin widened, the dial eyes spinning as he took note of the angelic blade tucked into the cowboy’s belt. “Would you like to…?”

And with that, he expanded to a far larger form, drinking in the fear that exuded from the previously cocksure one. With a casual swipe, a few remaining shark demons were scooped into his mouth like the morsels they were. Stryker was plucked carefully up to stare at those wide eyes.

“Do feel free to scream, it makes an excellent accompaniment to the next song.” He encourages, before plucking off one of the man’s arms and tossing it carelessly away. One of the imp’s legs was next. Alastor dropped him back to the pavement, stunning the fool, as a tendril snagged that blade free from the would-be assassin.

“Fuuuuuuuuuuuck me, that was HOT! Sir, I am absolutely hard as fuck right now for that tentacle shit, what can I-... I mean, WE at IMP do to thank you for that little show.”

Alastor was caught off guard by the sentiment, and laughed as he shrank down.

“No need, my good man. There was an opportunity to pummel two drones with a single stone, and I don’t like to waste such little miracles.”

“Well, he sure looks fucked up… you want to see him do a little jig?” Angel offers, hefting the guns suggestively. The sinner returning to the small gathering covered in blood splatter and grinning wildly. Alastor cannot help but feel that some of the mirth is due to Angel overhearing the uh, offer, provided by the Imp and his compatriots.

“No, I think I’d like to see him bleed out right here after all the shit he’s caused us, Mr Dust. Also would you sign something for us? It’ll have pride of place in the office, promise.”

“Hell yeah I will, always happy to meet a fan… or fans, plural? Either way, nice ta see ya.”

Angel pulls out a small slightly crumpled poster from his pocket, and scrawls on it. Say what you will, the man was always prepared to run into a fan… that’s also what the taser in his other pocket was for, if they got too close for firefighting.

“Hey, you fuckers best not ignore me! Do you know who I am? I’m fucking Crimson, head of the-... mmmpgh?!”

“I think you’d best be silent now.” The Radio Demon’s neck did something impossible to stare at him. “Crimson, is it? I do not believe there is a single person in this entire area who particularly cares if you live or die right this moment, and while I would love to guest star you on my broadcast… the sins of the father should be weighed by the son, don’t you think?”

Angel knelt next to Moxxie, Millie and the still bleeding Blitz.

“Alright, I know it can be a big decision to take ya dad out… especially when he’s been a bastard to ya your whole life up til now, but if ya not ready then Al can always drop him into one of those little weird-ass pocket dimensions of his until you are.”

“I-... thank you, sirs, but… why are you helping us?” Moxie asked, feeling very small and exhausted right now.

“Hey, my family was in the damn mob when I was alive and they never approved’a my lifestyle… I know what it’s like ta have someone you’re supposed to trust try to beat you down in every way imaginable. Just lucky that I got the chance to watch him die by my own hands ‘fore I did!” Angel laughed, the sound delightfully cruel. He pokes Alastor. “Hey, tell him the thing, give him some confidence to make a choice…”

“Very well, but only because this whole situation has a strange frequency to it… oddly familiar in a detestable manner.” The Radio Demon responds. “Moxxie, was it? Normally I would compel you with a deal to keep this secret, but given that blasted Vox has been watching this whole time, it will likely not remain so even with one. The truth of it is that the crimes my own father committed were numerous and violent over his lifetime, using the power he was afforded at birth to do so to anyone considered beneath him… but in the end, he was simply a mortal man who could beg for his life as his blood drained into the bayou. And again as I shredded his soul into my broadcast. We will not tell you what to do with this piece of rotten meat, but his life is yours to judge… do let me know if you require a specific weapon.”

“...at this point, Mox, I think you could use my dick as a bludgeon, this is so fuckin’ hot!” Blitz muttered, expression joyful.

“Wh… why is it always… sex with you people…?” Stryker huffed out, exhaling low and long as the life left him.

“Okay, now THAT was kinda hot.” Millie admits, and Moxxie laughs, nuzzling her face. She’s badly injured, but neither sinner can fix that level of harm. They’d need help.

With a deep breath, Moxie pulled out his gun. The very one Blitz had gifted him after his first proper kill at IMP, that he’d scrawled their names into the handle of when no one was looking. Millie would love it, Loona would roll her eyes and Blitz would say something that was masking his affection.

“Dad, I thought I was clear the last time we ran into one another in Greed, that I don’t want or need you in my life and your absence makes me happy. I hate that you killed Mum, I hate that you tried to hurt Millie and Blitz and force me to marry my asshole ex just cause he had money, but I especially fucking hate that at no point in your entire fucking life did you ever think to take responsibility for the awful shit you’ve done. And I’m tired of always wondering when you’re going to put a gun to my head, or poison me, or hurt someone I care about just to force me to be like you… alone, cruel and miserable. I like who I am, and what I do, and those around me. So I guess what I’m trying to say, is… go fuck yourself, Crimson.”

The bullet imploded the front of the mob boss’s face, tearing through to the other side in a shower of delightful gore.

“Way to go MOX!” Blitz shouted, punching the air with the hand not attached to his bloody shoulder. “Fuck yes, I knew you could do it! Best way to solve daddy issues is to just fuckin’ kill ‘em!”

“I’m so proud of you, Honey!” Millie smiled, her eyes filled with tears of joy, and her posture deliberately still in order to minimise how much pain she was exhibiting. “You did it!”

“I-... I-... wow.” He felt amazing! He was gonna throw up! He was going to fuck everyone here! He was going to cry! Fuck, what was this?

“Take a deep breath, it’s gonna feel fuckin’ weird for a bit, and you might even get sad about the old bastard for a while, but that’s normal.” Angel comforts, resting a hand on the imp’s shoulder. “I even missed my fucker of a father a few days after, but it passes. Promise.”

“Why yes, it definitely will, dear. Did you want anything specific done with the bodies, or shall I ask my Shade to drop them off to dearest Rosie, she likes unusual flavours best. Hard to get around here, though.”

“I-...what? Oh, yeah… might as well not let it go to waste.” Moxie waves a hand.

The dual corpses of Stryker and Crimson are swallowed by shadow, leaving nothing but traces of blood upon the ground before them.

“Well, this has been a fuckin’ weird day… who wants tacos? And where’s Loona? LOONEY-PETUNEY WHERE ARE YOU?”

“Well, it’s nice ta meetcha all, but I have ta say you guys look like shit right now. What say you come back to the Hazbin Hotel with us and we’ll sweet talk the staff into giving a little healing to ya.”

“Oh, the hotel! I heard something about it on the television, and the exterminations that happened recently. Didn’t you guys win?”

“We sure fuckin’ did, Toots! Lost a few people too, but… we took down that shitlord Adam, which actually required the King to get in the ring to deal with after he targeted Charlie. Uh, I mean, Princess Charlotte, who runs the place.”

“You know the Princess? I’ve always wanted to… meet her…” Millie’s excitement couldn’t eclipse her pain any further and she was starting to pale. As was Blitz, but he was busy striding through the wreckage towards the few undamaged shopfronts there where a number of citizens still waited despite the obvious danger.

“Loona? Are you okay? What the FUCK is happening here?!”

“Ah. Vox has her and the others bespelled by one of his tacky little commercials, one moment…” Rapping his staff against the screen display, Alastor whistles and the pixels distort. “Oh Podcast, are you in there? Do let these toys go… the product you are selling is already ash, or were you too busy acting quite the voyeur to the little event to notice?”

Electricity crackled out of the screen and shaped into a familiar overlord.

“AL-... I mean, Al, what the fuck was that? You and Val’s little whore interjecting in random shit for, what? The hell of it? Ugh, of course you would so fucking reckless. What did you want again?”

“For you to release the trapped crowd, they are likely to be immolated shortly, and I need to borrow one for the hotel. Aren’t you bold to question my motives… I know what you were doing in that little control tower of yours, watching us fight. Such a perverse little thing you are…”

“I’ll let them go if you make a deal with me…?”

“Vox, I was merely informing you of the choice to voluntarily remove your influence or I would break it by myself, to give you the chance to make the right choice. What could you possibly offer me?”

“Must you be such a condescending old-t1111m33y prick? Fine. But that’s for… the entertainment value alone. I’d be willing to wheel and deal bigger if you ever wanted to go on that da-...”

“This will suffice, thank you Podcast.”

With a grumble, Vox hurled himself into a nearby camera.

Dazed sinners and hellborn staggered slightly as their minds came back to them.

Loona found herself nearly hurled to the ground by the force of Blitz’s frantic hug.

“Looney-petuny! Oh thank Satan you’re okay!”

“Dad? What happened? I was just looking at the TV and then-...?”

“Rots the brain, dear. Try not to look at the idiot box too often. Now come along, we need to be going to the Hotel, where we should be able to fetch medical aid for your father and the others. Come along.” The jovial tone was a tad forced, as the pair of Hellborn trailed after the Radio Demon, reuniting with the others.

“Come now, I think it would be best to shadow travel there… but some of you may not take to it well given your current states. Hmmm, there’s nothing for it, Angel if you would be so kind as to carry one of our new compatriots, I can come up with options for the others.”

Angel scooped up Blitz and held him in his tertiary arms, one of his primary hands was pressing a red handkerchief on the bullet wound. If anyone had a little tingle of thrill from the experience, they didn’t mention it to the other.

With deliberate care, Alastor’s tendrils slipped about the parts of Millie that seemed least deep fried, and laced about like a sling. She was drawn close to hover over an arm. There in case of unforeseen discorporation of the tendrils, but not touching. She was shivering in discomfort, so they would need to speed this up.

“Miss Loona, would you be so kind as to carry this fellow? If you don’t feel able, I can definitely try something else… I know Vox’s little eye trick can make one feel quite shook, and it can hit different for everyone.” Alastor said, enjoying seeing multiple eye twitches from Angel Dust.

He pauses, thinking of how best to phrase this kindly so as not to offend a lady, as his mother would burst out of heaven to kill him again if he should try. “And… would you mind remaining on the furthermost side of Angel Dust as we travel?”

“Whoa, hey, you prejudiced against hellhounds? I take back my erection for you earlier!” Blitz yells, and that just about short-circuits Alastor. It certainly was the cause of several exploding neon signs across the way.

Loona growls at him.

He blinks. “What? No, not at all… it has to do with my death, and being torn apart by hunting dogs, ha hah! I suspect dear Charlotte will try to ‘fix it’ for me when she discovers that little tidbit… but until her majesty forces us all through psychotherapy, this will have to do. If you are amenable?”

“Ugh, yikes dude… I totally get it. I’ll be over here… line of sight and all.” There was a pause. “I uh, I think your show is kinda cool, in a retro way though…”

“Splendid dear, I will have my shadow show you the Radio Tower if you so choose when we get back. Once we get to know one another, why, I may even be able to show you a few of the dances I often speak about… dancing today is too tame, we used to really throw one another around in the old days. All about trust!”

“Don’t let Char-Char hear ya say that or we’ll all be doing the Lindey Hop for next month’s group thing. Ugh… I mean, it’s been ages since I did that, and I’m pretty sure having more arms’ going to complicate things.”

“Nonsense, Angel! If Vox could do it with his balance impediment, you should be more than capable… not that I particularly care for the details of your profession, but I understand a high level of strength, dexterity and flexibility are required for at least the dancing portion. If you have mastery of that, then who knows!”

“Aw, thanks Al! That’s actually really encouraging… I used to like the weird social dancing shit we got up to back then. Ugh, we’re getting all nostalgia-y and I feel like someone’s gonna ‘Ok Boomer’ me.”

“Hah, I actually was but you beat me to the punch!”

“You have to fuckin’ spill the beans on who is feeding you this terminology, if only for my mental health, man…”

“Hmmm, no. I think I’ll keep that to myself. Come along now everyone, only a few more blocks and we’ll be in range of help. How about something soothing?”

Soft jazz plays as the strange sight strides through town.

And so the bizarre sight of two sinners, a hellhound and three injured imps arrived upon the doorstep of the Hazbin Hotel that afternoon. Causing quite the stir as Charlie opened the doors to the chaotic sight.

“Welcome Ho-ooooooooly Shit, what happened?!” Charlie’s brilliant beam dropped immediately, and then Vaggie was there, spear to hand. She aimed it at Alastor out of instinct, and dropped it a second later as she saw the injured imp in his, well not arms but tendrils at the very least.

“Good afternoon dear Charlotte, Vagatha, could we trouble you for some first aid for these delightful new companions? I was just out tracking down the source of those mobsters from a while back, the ones Mimzy brought of course, and we ran into a troubling family situation that needed some intervention unfortunately.”

“And which one did you make a deal with in order to give such compassionate consideration, hmmm?” Vaggie growled.

“Why, none. Dearest Vagatha, can you not trust your hotelier after all this time?” he teased, and she grumbled something quite derogatory, but her eyes were on the Wrath Imp in his charge. “Do we have anything that can effectively treat electrocution burns?”

Husk was already halfway down the stairs with a first aid kit from the second floor, it was a tad fancier than the one in the lobby.

It thudded violently when it hit the countertop, clicking open to dispense a number of wipes and pads to help at least clean the grime from the wounds first.

“Niff, we might need ya to sew up these guys, can ya come out?” Husk called, aiming for the ceiling vent that the little demoness popped out of. With a snap of Alastor’s fingers, she was cleaned of all soot and grime, sterilised magically.

“Heheheheheeee, where? Where?! I have my threads!”

“One moment while we clean and assess the wounds, dear.” he pauses, thinking and ultimately grimacing to the best of his ability, ears flattening. “Charlotte my dear, would your father be about this hotel today? I fear he may be the only one with the ability to help miss… Millie, I believe her name is.”

“What? Oh, yes! Yes he’s in his room! Vaggie, would you…?”

“Of course, babe, you know I can get them by hook or by crook and all that.”

“Soooooo… Alastor, Angel Dust, would you mind telling me what happened?” Charlie asks in a very subtle and convincing way.

“Al came to pick me up from my job, and we ran inta a few citizens in need of support… that’s all. These guys are Moxxie, that’s Blitz, that one’s Millie and I’m pretty sure the badass hellhound over there’s name is Loona. See, Mox’s dad was tryna’ kill him, and well, Al and I thought that wasn’t good enough. So we stepped in.”

Charlie’s expression went through the full gamut from horrified to hopeful to concerned and chucked a uey to go back to hopeful. “You tried to help someone? Just because? Oooooh, I am so proud of you both!”

“Ah… I mean, it was a bit fun to shoot someone again, and Al ate a few guys but it wasn’t too bad overall.”

Charlie wasn’t listening, she was shaking Moxxie’s hand and introducing herself to the overwhelmed sharpshooter as he waited his turn to be patched up. On a barstool nearby Husk was holding onto Blitz to steady the guy as Niffty’s tiny fingers carefully wiggled the bullet free of the wound, he seemed mildly blissed out by whatever had been provided for pain relief.

Alastor was near one of the couches, but had yet to release the imp, uncertain if the fabric would be of detriment to such wounds. For Sinners and especially Overlords, you needed to get clothing or other materials out of a wound relatively quickly before they started to heal over or you had to cut it out later. It was not clear to him if Imps had the same level of ability.

“Well, well, well, what have we here?” came a somewhat smug voice, as Blitz and Moxxie’s jaws collectively hit the floor. Lucifer fucking Morningstar appeared before them all from a portal, Vaggie climbing out after him, to surveil the chaotic scene. “Imps, huh? Been a while since I needed to heal any hellborn… so let's see what I can do. Hmmm, did you do this to her?”

Angry radio feedback blared across the room for a moment as Alastor glared at the King. “Why your Lowness, I understand your attention span is quite short, but do try to recall I do not utilise electricity in the same manner as that blasted picture box. Our dear Charlotte here was just mentioning that you may be the best option to assist young Miss Millicent here with her injuries… I am hoping that was the correct choice, or am I ‘delulu’?”

“I don’t know what that last word was but shut the fuck up, Al, so I can focus on healing. Ugh, you pompous piece of shi-...”

“Dad, please, we talked about this! And Alastor, you are both important to me and I need you to get along especially now. Don’t make me point at the portrait of Sir Pentious and cry, because… you know… I will…” she was fighting back tears already, and both demons pulled back on their griping rapidly.

“Of course, Charlotte.”

“Anything for you duckling.”

Golden light permeated the room as Millie’s skin smoothed out, the rancid scent of burnt flesh subsided gently, and her tense muscles settled. She blinked her eyes open, and startled back as she ran into an unfamiliar and oddly angelic face.

“Hello there, nice to meet you I’m Lucifer.”

“The fuckin’ DEVIL?! Ooooh, my maw and paw are gonna be so jealous I met you, can we take a selfie?!”

“Uh, sure?”

They get one pic of alright quality before Moxxie launches himself over the couch to hug her, sobbing loudly. “Milliiiiiiiiiiiie, I was so worried! They hurt you and it was all my fault! Are you okay now?”

“Whoa whoa whoa, hold ya horses, that wasn’t ya fault. Sometimes your dad is just fucked up, that happens… and then you happen to ‘em in return.” Angel adds, grinning darkly.

Alastor places a hand on Charlotte’s shoulder. “Hmmm, indeed. Never too late to take the opportunity…” he glares at Lucifer, as Charlotte tenses. Then he bursts into laughter. “Or not, we’ve had QUITE the day and I believe that it might be best for these little fiends to rest here tonight before returning to their offices. Niffty and Husker, arrange that for us, will you?”

“Hold on, you arrogant deer asshole, I’m not done talking to you yet!” Lucifer yelled as he followed the other towards the kitchens. The door hadn’t slammed shut before loud banging, crashing and shouting stirred up with intriguing radio effects contrasting violently with the blinding gold light spilling out.

“Uhhhhhhhhhgggg, Vaggie, can you…?”

“Again? Fine. Alright you two, I’m counting to three and coming in with my spear!”

She didn’t bother to count, thanks to experience, and kicked the doors in. “Okay, you-...”

“Is uh, is she gonna be okay?” Moxie asks, concerned.

“Hah, of course, they won’t hurt her… but she miiiiiight stab them a little if they don’t calm down.”

“Do they fight like this often or is this for our benefit?” Loona asks.

“No, welcome to the Hazbin Hotel where everyday involves soem form of fun, frivolity and felony at this point.” Husker interjects, amused clearly.

“Metal.”

“Please don’t encourage them!”

“...-ING TO CHARLIE?! SHE CARES ABOUT BOTH OF YOU, YOU SELFISH MO-... oh, uh, everything’s fine, honey!”

Forced out of the kitchen at spear point.

Golden and Crimson blood all over them, Lucifer trying to hide a handful of Alastor’s flesh behind his back.

“Dad! What the fuck?!”

“Hey, in my defence, I was trying to help get the bullet out, and the Bellhop wouldn’t cooperate. So I did it, I got it out. You’re welcome!”

“Excellent your Majesty… what would simply have healed over in an hour is now a nuisance for the rest of the day. Good show indeed. And how do you think it will impact Charlotte’s mental health if she sees us fighting? It can be detrimental to children's development you know.”

“Us fighti-... Charlotte is MY daughter, you pompous twit! She’s the picture of mental health because she knows we love her! So there!”

“Yes, I would say everyone at the hotel does, indeed.”

“Oh you slimy word-twisting snake!”

“No, deer actually. I thought you were the serpentine one in this establishment.”

“I sure fucking am, and if you don’t shut up, I’m going to bite you!”

“...okay, Boomer.” Laugh track.

Angel Dust breaks down in hysterics.

“What did you just say to me? What the fu-... Charlie, are you teaching him the hip lingo or something? Where did he-...?”

[More stuff about them interacting]

#thankee for the nice lil chaos!!!#loved it #hazbin hotel #helluva boss #hazbin hotel helluva boss crossover #lots of blood #lots of death #normal Alastor things #normal Angel Dust things #normal Blitzø things #all the things

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