#LOOK. my mom HAS done a lot for me and i genuinely do appreciate that. but she also HURT ME. over and over and OVER again.

[rhys-ravenfeather]

If I may add to this:

The character calling their parent out on their abuse/mistreatment of them, TO THEIR FACE, in a big, dramatic scene, and the narrative not treating them like the bad guy for it and expecting them to forgive, or want to reconnect with, their awful parent.

And then the parent just stays the heck out of their life forever.

The. End.

Cannot express how disinterested I am in seeing traumatized characters "reconcile" with their canonically shitty parental figures.

[dollfacefantasy]

Video Games

pairing: leon kennedy x fem!reader

cw: nsfw (18+), smut, oral (f receiving)

summary: you're playing video games when leon feels a little needy

word count: 1.9k

a/n: hi everyone, i'm back with another piece. thank you so so much to everyone who supported my last post (especially if you reblogged and/or left a comment, hugging you through the screen rn). And if you followed me, hi! happy to have you here :) it means a lot to me, and i hope people find some enjoyment in this post as well. this post has nothing to do with the song video games, but i love lana and wanted to use that picture so idgaf. also, all the games mentioned are ones i really loved when i was younger. i'd love to hear some you guys like if you want to share. again, feedback, likes, follows, and reblogs are appreciated! <3

You were so excited when your parents called you and told you they were bringing by your old Playstation 2 today. They were cleaning out the garage and found the dusty, old box that contained the system and all your favorite games from when you were young. Leon was sitting on the couch, watching you wander around as you spoke into the phone. He had returned from a difficult mission recently and your joyful presence alone made everything seem brighter. He smiled at the ways your eyes lit up when you laughed and recalled old memories. He’d gently reach out and stroke your hip when you’d walk past the sofa, lost in your conversation.

About an hour later, you were rushing out the front door to retrieve your box of nostalgia. Leon trailed behind with his eyes full of love for you. He takes the box of stuff as you briefly talk to your mom and thank her for making the stop. He carries the box back into the house for you. It wasn’t that heavy. You definitely could have done it yourself, but he couldn’t get enough of how that sweet smile would spread across your face when you said thank you and gave him a big kiss on the cheek.

The two of you set up the console together in your living room. His strong arms hold the tv at an awkward angle as you snake behind it to plug in the cords in all the different ports. His eyes can’t help but run along your body. He can’t help but notice how your shorts ride up as you bend over or how your back arches while you strain to reach the back of the screen. He’s snapped out of his lustful daze when he hears you say “Got it!” and pull back from behind the tv. He puts the monitor back in place and you hug him from behind, pressing soft kisses to his back while thanking him again for his help.

“It’s nothing, Baby,” he says softly, turning to face you and kissing the top of your head.

You smile up at him before eagerly pulling him to sit on the couch with you. You rifle through your box of old games, pulling out your beaten-up copies of Sly Cooper and Silent Hill. Your eyes sparkle with excitement as you gush to him about your favorite parts and all the fun you used to have playing them with your friends. His heart aches with the love he feels just from hearing you speak with such passion.

“Why don’t you show me some?” he suggests as you continue looking through the box on your lap.

“You want to watch me play video games?” you ask as if it’s the nicest thing you’ve ever heard. “Are you sure? I don’t want you to be bored.”

He laughs slightly like even the idea of being bored while spending time with you was ridiculous. “C’mon, you’re all excited over this stuff, and you’re not gonna play?” he asks, “I’ll be fine. Maybe you can teach me your tricks.”

“Yeah, I’m a real pro,” you joke sarcastically, but your smile remains genuine. You decide on playing Tomb Raider and hop up to put the game in. Again, Leon can’t help how his eyes are drawn to the fabric of your bottoms tightening around your ass as you squat to insert the game. You return to your seat and get comfy against his side with his arms around your shoulder.

You start playing, your smile widening as you hear the familiar music and begin remembering the controls like the last time you played was only yesterday. Leon watches the screen as much as he can, but his real focus is on you. The way your fingers frantically mash at the buttons while fighting an enemy, how you tense and press against him when you think you’re going to die, your half-assed justifications for mistakes you make, blaming the age of the controllers. He loved you so much that his limbs nearly trembled with want for you. Everything about you drove him wild. You smelled so good and your body was so warm nestled against his.

He keeps watching you, and it’s becoming overwhelming, his desire for you. He leans his head down, brushing your hair away, and starts gently kissing the open expanse of your neck. You bite your lip as a knowing smirk rises on your face.

“I knew you’d get bored,” you tease, tilting your head a little to give him more room. He takes the invitation and moves his lips with more intent. 

“I’m not bored. I just need to feel you,” he defends between kisses, “You keep playing.” He adjusts on the couch so he’s lower and has a better angle on your neck. His arm that isn’t around you caresses your stomach slowly.

You try to focus on your game, but it’s difficult when you have his hands and lips coasting over you, his hot breath on your neck. Your own breathing hitches when his hand on your stomach slides up to fondle your tits. Your fingers start feeling useless on the controller, fumbling between buttons as you try to continue playing. His teeth scrape along your neck. It’s the last thing you can take before you make too many mistakes and die. The menu comes up to reload the game and your head falls back against the cushion.

“Leon,” you whine playfully, “You’re making me die.”

“‘M Sorry, Baby,” he mumbles, “Just can’t get enough of you.” He continues kneading your breasts and showering your neck with kisses as you try to survive the level you’re playing. Heat spreads through your body and slick begins collecting between your thighs causing you to squirm a bit. Leon smirks against your skin, sensing the effect he has on you.

He kisses your neck a few more times before he moves his mouth down your arm while easing himself onto the floor. He presses a final tender kiss to your hand gripping the controller before settling on his knees between your legs. You know what’s coming, and it causes your cheeks to tint a soft red. The sight only excites Leon more. His fingers tuck beneath the waistband of your shorts and slip them down. He lifts your lush thighs to rest on his shoulders and pulls you closer so that you're slouching against the cushions.

“Leon, I’m gonna have to start all over again,” you say, your voice softer from your arousal. You try to seem focused, but your attention to the game is waning with each of his touches.

He works his mouth along the smooth skin of your inner thighs before dragging his nose along the cloth covering your center, inhaling you. The scent sends his blood rushing to his cock. He lays a kiss to the fabric as he hums in response. “I’ll make it up to you, Sweetheart. Promise.”

He hooks his finger around your panties and pulls them off. You feel his breath against your wet cunt, the sensation sending a chill through you. You take your lip between your teeth again while keeping your eyes on the television. In your peripheral vision, you can see him staring into you, gazing at you like you’re a work of art. He starts rubbing his thumb up and down your folds slowly, not with enough pressure to give you real pleasure, just the right amount to tease.

“You’re fucking soaked, Angel. Gotta have a taste,” he murmurs before swiping his tongue through your pussy. You let out a short moan at the feeling. Leon wraps his arms around your thighs, keeping you in place as he starts to make out with your cunt. His tongue flattening and dragging against your dripping core, lapping up every drop of you he can.

Your eyes roll back and your fingers spasm on the controller before you put it to the side and grab Leon’s hair. He groans as you tug him closer, his lips wrapping around your clit and sucking. You whimper and buck against his face. He knows all your attention is on him now. Knowing he made you feel so good that you had to focus on him had his pants feeling even tighter. He looks up at you, his eyes clouded with lust and your slick coating his lips. 

“Taste so sweet, Baby,” he breathes, thumbing your clit as he speaks, “Could do this for hours if you let me. Have your pretty pussy cumming over and over.” 

He buries his face back into your cunt and fucks his tongue into you. You gasp and writhe above him. Your head pushes back against the couch cushions. Your thighs start to squeeze around his head, and he loves it. He pushes even deeper, nose bumping your clit as he works. You whine and your hands fly up to cover your face as your cheeks feel hot.

He gives your thigh a quick pinch and pulls back. “No hiding, sweet girl. Wanna see and hear everything you give me.”

You slide your hands down and off of your face. Before you can even think of a response, his tongue is back to flicking against you. You moan a bit louder and your eyes flutter as the band of heat in your belly starts to tighten. Your thighs quiver, and Leon’s grip on you gets stronger as your hips try to shift.

Your chest heaves with your heavy breathing as your hands press into the couch cushions. His eyes are fixed on your face, savoring every sweet noise and expression. Your body shakes harder and you know the finish is near. You look down into his eyes, and the sight of his face buried between your thighs with that intense gaze trained on you almost makes you cum on the spot.

“Fuck, Leon. I’m gonna cum. Can’t hold on,” you whimper, your eyes squeezing shut as your voice breaks into moans.

“Look at me, Baby. Let me see those gorgeous eyes while you explode,” he says before working his tongue with even more dedication. You give him what he wants, looking into his eyes as you reach the peak. You cry out and claw at the couch cushions as you release. Your hips sputter against his face and your thighs clamp around his head. Your eyes stay locked on his, letting him see how he unravels you. You hear him groaning and feel his body rolling a bit as he devours you through your orgasm.

He keeps lapping at your folds as you come down, getting a final taste before he pulls away. He plants one last kiss on your clit before rising up and leaning down to kiss your lips sweetly. You kiss back and softly moan as you taste yourself on his lips. You grab his wrist as you pull back. “Need me to return the favor?’ you say and give him another kiss.

“No, Honey. I’m satisfied, trust me,” he hums and kisses back. You notice the dark spot forming on his pants and your blush returns. The thought that he could feel such pleasure simply from pleasuring you made your stomach flutter. He pulls back from your lips and strokes your bottom lip with his thumb, admiring your features. “I’m gonna change my pants, and then you can show me some more of your game. If you want to,” he says.

You glance back at the tv which had been displaying the reload menu for a while at this point. You give him that smile that he loved so much and nod.

[chaithetics]

i absolutely adore your stewy fic and have re-read it 50 times already 😭😭 would love a small sequel based on the 9th episode of him supporting the reader during the funeral and butting in to defend her/hold when she breaks down without caring about what other think, im not kidding when i say i’ve read it 50 times i can’t believe i’ve found a fic this good that’s touched the part of my brain obsessed with stewy and starches it to well i adore you

Don't Let Me Go

Pairing: Stewy Hosseini x f (Roy) Reader

Word count: 2.9K

Author's note: THANK YOU SO MUCH NONNIE! I ADORE AND LOVE YOU! Every time I think about this request or read it, I'm kicking my feet and twirling my hair. This is so sweet and just the highest praise ever! WOW. I appreciate you, it was so sweet and I really hope you enjoy this! Please let me know what you think and feel free to message me! I love grief-related shows/movies (I love to be in my feels) so this was quite the interesting one. I apologise for any sadness this fic causes. I have more requests that aren't sad dw! Always open to Stewy requests as well. This can be read as a stand-alone/sequel to Furtive Hands. This also HAS NOT BEEN PROOFREAD lol. I hope you enjoy :)

Chapter/content warning: established/secret relationship, GRIEF, GRIEF, funeral, some fluff but just funeral grief and supportive Stewy.

The last week had been miserable, there was no other way to describe it or to do it justice. It should be raining, that would make sense for the funeral of such a commanding and depressing man, there also should’ve been thunder and lightning. Now that would’ve done justice for the thunderous man that your father was but maybe there was no thunder in the sky because it all left with him. 

You’re sitting in the backseat of the car with Shiv right in front of you as you wait for your brothers, both of the Roy daughters are dressed head to toe in black and a fine picture of grief. You’d gladly taken the backseat, it was worth the small risk of motion sickness, it meant it would be easier to distance yourself from any potential, yet inevitable drama. 

Shiv had a glassy expression that was hard to read, you picked up that there was something there that wasn’t just grief. You sat up a bit and leaned over closer, so your arms were resting on the back of her seat. 

“Are you okay?” You asked softly. 

Shiv’s head quickly turned to look at you, grief was there, some unshed tears in her eyes and she looked like a deer in headlights. Her lip trembled for a second and then she sighed and her blue eyes pierced yours. 

“Full disclosure…?” 

“Go.” You immediately replied and Shiv’s body moved more into your direction. 

“I really uh, fucked things up… Ken found out and Mencken, well he’s a form of stabbing a knife in return.” She breathed out and her eyes quickly left yours as she looked down at her body. “And I’m fucking pregnant, I-I told Tom and well he thought it was a fucking tactic.” She humourlessly chuckles as her eyes move to focus on the ceiling of the car. 

“Holy shit, Shiv.” You moved closer off your seat to rest your head on the top of the back of the seat dividing you two and put your hands out to hold hers, squeezing them softly and doing your best to genuinely smile for her. “I’m sorry, that’s a fucking lot. But congratulations! Congratulations? Should I be saying congratulations? If not we can go and sort it out, I’ll go with you if you want. Anything you need.” 

Shiv nodded as she kept her hand in yours and used her free hand to rub at her face a little. “I thought about it but I’m going to keep it. It’s fine. Thank you though. I’m planning to tell mom and that today so yeah.” 

“Thanks for telling me.” You responded giving her hand another squeeze and she nodded. After a few seconds, she let go of your hand and turned back around in her seat and not long after that your brothers joined you both. 

*******************

It had been an awkward car ride, you’d sunk into your seat, looking out the window as Roman and Shiv argued. You didn’t say a word, Kendall had eventually intervened and called for a truce which was agreed upon. Kendall had discussed Rava leaving the city with the kids which you thought was justified and you struggled to not call Kendall out, having to bite your tongue and fully focus your gaze on the windows. Right now was not the right time for sibling arguments. You’re sure that Kendall saw your pointed expression before looking out the window again. 

This had been tougher than you’d imagined. Roman had immediately broken during the speech, everything that hadn’t come out of him did then. Kendall had taken over, with a speech that had been well received but genuinely made you uncomfortable. Ever since you’d all sat down you’d been close to Roman, one hand gently on his back and the other hand holding his, he had a tight grip on it but he was doing slightly better now. Well, he was visibly. 

Each sentence that comes out of your sibling’s mouths feels like a blow and the casket is haunting you. Not as much as Roman though you suppose, if he wasn’t firmly planted onto the pew and with a pale, iron grip on your hands you thought you’d maybe float away. Or maybe you’d just sink down with the pressure of all the eyes, tears and smirks. 

As Shiv speaks, you know she’s right, her words about being his daughter have never been easy and it’s starting to get hot. Too hot. Sure there are hundreds of people in the church but it’s too hot even with that, you’re starting to overheat and your thoughts are overcrowding your brain. 

You look at Roman, your hand on his back and your other one holding his hand. You bite your lip, trying to force tears not to come. Unsuccessfully though. 

“I’m sorry, yeah, um I’m sorry Rome.” You let go of his hand and quickly move to squeeze past Connor and Willa in the pew. 

All of their eyes follow you in concern, you start to fidget with the corner of your sleeve while trying to regulate your breathing as you walk off to the side of the Church. You don’t know where to go, it doesn’t feel like anywhere is an option but it feels like you just need to leave. Anywhere but here, home or any place that’s ever had that title. Your mind is racing with that train of thought and another million ones, none are easier than the last though. It’s becoming overwhelming,  impossible. Your heart is beating so fast you can hear it and you can feel it beating so quickly it’s trying to carve itself out of your chest. It’s all so claustrophobic.  

An arm grabs you and you turn around to see that it’s Connor. 

“Hey, hey. Are you okay?” 

“It’s just a lot, I don’t think I can be- I don’t really want to be in here right now.” You quietly say, trying not to choke on the inevitable sobs. 

“Hey, it’s okay.” 

Connor’s gaze is focused on you and it’s gentle. Which somehow feels more intense, it amplifies the feeling of being under a microscope. You tug at your sleeve again as you feel the tears starting to get worse, you try to bite your lip as tightly as possible to stop the incoming sobs from arriving, to distract from the emotional pain with something physical. 

It doesn’t work though. 

You start to step away from Connor as your crying can now be heard, Roman stays frozen in the pew still trying to find some of his abandoned composure. Kendall’s noticed that this isn’t a toilet break and that Connor’s intervention isn’t cutting it and starts to make his way over. 

Kendall quickly realises that he’s not the only one who’s noticed and who is making their way over. Kendall’s compassion for you is still somewhat intact but today, controlling the narrative and putting out fires is his priority. 

“Stew, go. People are going to talk.” Kendall sternly whispers with a disappointed look, doing his best to communicate his point without drawing anymore attention to the scene. 

“Let them talk, I don’t fucking care Ken.” Stewy spits out with widened eyes. 

“You don’t want this story to break today, trust me.” 

“If it broke today it would drown in the rest of the funeral, Roman and the fucking GoJo numbers. You know that. Everybody does, it’s why Shiv and Matsson leaked it today.” 

“Follow the money back to your fucking seat.” 

“The money isn’t my priority here. She’s my partner.” Stewy says, Kendall scoffs and they both quietly walk over towards you and Connor. But you’ve been too overwhelmed to have noticed any of that interaction or them joining you and Connor in your weird corner towards the back of the church. 

“I need to- it’s so hot in here. It’s really fucking crowded, I know that you want a good turn out at a funeral but this is- it’s so unnecessary you know?” You cry out rambling and Connor’s concern shows more. You hadn’t publicly broken over your father’s death yet and Connor hadn’t seen you cry since you were a child. 

“Yeah, sure. Sure. A lot of people”

“It’s just so hot in here. I need cold air. Maybe some wine? Do you think there’s uh w-wine around? It’s a church, there’s bound to be wine, it’s Catholic- Holy Communion and all… Fuck.” 

“I don’t think there’s wine here you can drink.” Connor’s voice breaks a little.  

“I can’t do this, I don’t want to be in here. Connor please? Just I don’t know- I don’t fucking know.” You sob out and the tears and sobs just don’t stop. Connor puts his arms around you and does his best to keep some composure for your sake. 

Kendall and Stewy have now come over, Connor’s arms are still around you but you feel a hand on your back. One that rubs a little circle and you recognise that little pattern, the pressure, the touch itself. 

“Stewy?” You whisper out between a little sob.

“Hey, sweetheart.” His voice is soft and gentle as he continues to rub your back like he has a dozen times over the last several days. 

“I just- uh. I just, it’s so hot and claustrophobic. I needed air.” You’ve now left Connor’s arms to press yourself into Stewy’s side, his arms quickly replacing Connor’s as they wrap around you. You’re too overwhelmed to even consider or worry that your tears and makeup might be rubbing on his blazer. 

“I know.” 

Kendall is standing in an attempt to shield the rest of the world from this interaction, Connor’s hand is on your shoulder now. Stewy looks at Connor, tilting his head slightly towards you. Stewy smiles at Connor and nods, silently communicating that it’s okay and Connor can go back, which he does after squeezing your shoulder softly. 

“Can we- can- I need to go outside. I need air.” You muffle into Stewy’s side. Kendall pointedly looks at Stewy. 

“I know baby, I know. But there’s a lot of people outside still and cameras still.” Stewy says, as he rubs at your back comfortingly. Stewy isn’t worried about people seeing you both out there but about people seeing you in this state and it being immortalised in the media. 

“Fuck.” You mutter and the sobs become louder, more painful and desperate. 

You knew today would be hard, nothing was easy with your father. But you didn’t expect today to be so awful and to feel so trapped, he was gone, you shouldn’t feel like this but you just felt vulnerable, like the defenseless kid you were trapped in your childhood. Under a microscope for hundreds to zoom in on your pain, today wasn’t suffering just for your father’s amusement. 

“Yeah. We can get some air at the cemetery and take the long way back to the reception? Stop off somewhere if you want?” He asks softly. 

“We all came together-” Kendall starts. 

“I know-” Stewy quietly interjects. 

“I think I’ll go with Stewy, Ken.” You say quietly, you peek out a little from Stewy, puffy faced and wet with tears. Kendall doesn’t look super impressed at that, you can tell but he just gives a small nod.

There’s something about Stewy, his mere presence is a salve on your soul. Being buried into his side, being able to try focusing on the scent of his cologne instead of everyone and everything else is helping you remember how to breathe again. Your lungs remember how it all works again with Stewy at your side. 

“Do you want to sit down again before it ends?” Stewy gently inquires now that he’s noticed that your breathing is a bit more normal and the sobbing is more contained.  

“Sit with me?” Stewy nods. Kendall scoffs quietly but audibly and takes one of your hands and walks back to the front row pew of Roys, Stewy’s hand is gently on your back as he follows. You sit at the furthest end from Kendall, sandwiched between Willa and Stewy. Willa offers you a small but gentle smile and you press into Stewy’s side as he holds your hand in his. 

“Snot siblings.” Roman says as he finally looks at you, leaning across to give you a tissue. “Courtesy of the old Gerr-bear.” He adds as he refuses to look at the woman behind him. 

“Oh, thank you.” You whisper quietly and he nods looking away, just across from him. 

You’re aware that there’s more attention on you now over your little breakdown and at the development of Stewy coming over and then being at the front Roy children pew, Willa’s there of course but not even Tom or Rava are. You can tell Stewy’s aware of this as well as you look at his handsome side profile, he notices you staring and smiles at you, his arm around you squeezes you softly and he brings the hand of yours that he’s been holding in his lap up for a soft, sweet kiss. 

“Just breathe.” He whispers quietly as your hand in his goes back into his lap. You take a deep breathe, even consumed in your grief and the horror of this day you are so grateful for him. 

Despite the context, there is something freeing and peaceful about that. Being able to hold your hand in front of hundreds of people, kiss it and sit next to you. Stewy feels it deeply in his soul and while you perhaps can’t appreciate that right now, you can feel it too. 

****************

You didn’t stay to receive condolences like Kendall did. You immediately left with Stewy, ignoring the pointed and curious looks from everyone as he had an arm around you as you both quickly walked, he held the door open for you and you both sat in the backseat. 

As soon as you both were in and that door closed, you couldn’t help it. You just started crying. It was so overwhelming. 

“Hey, hey baby.” Stewy whispered into your hair as he pulled you tightly into him, he pressed some soft kisses to the top of your head. “I’ve got you.” He said softly. He was so soft with you today. But Stewy was always soft with you. 

Stewy held you tightly for the rest of the drive and when the car got to the cemetery you tilted your head, so you were still pressed against his chest and looked up. 

“Everybody knows now.” He wasn’t sure if it was a question or a statement, it was a fact either way. 

“Yeah-” 

“Are you okay with that? I’m sorry-” You asked quietly, letting out a little hiccup. Tears still in your eyes. 

“I don’t fucking care who knows. I love you. You baby. The whole world can know and there’s a lot going on today, I think this will be the least of anybody’s concerns or key takeaways. I just care about you.” 

You lean up to give him a soft kiss on the lips, which he eagerly but gently returns. 

“I love you too.” 

“That always helps.” He says and you let out a dry chuckle at that, as you bite your lip looking out the tinted window. “Should we try one of those exercises?” 

“Exercises? I don’t think we can fuck in your car at the cemetery when everyone is here to dispose of my dad-” You say with another dry laugh but some more tears come to stain your cheeks. 

“No, no, no baby.” Stewy chuckles and flashes you a charming smile. “Those like grounding, breathing, you’re an amazing professional ones? Oh the colour one! Um, what’s something purple you can see?” 

You look at Stewy in awe of his sweetness despite the douchey exterior most have to deal with. Your eyes briefly skim around the car and the sea of people in black outside. 

“We’re at a funeral, everyone’s wearing black… Where’s the purple Stewy?” You ask in a tone as teasing as possible but a small sob comes out of you. 

“Well you know I have nothing against outfit repeating but I’d worn a purple blazer to the wake- that wasn’t even a week ago baby. There’s a line, and it would’ve crossed the line. With the turtleneck and trousers and a purple blazer it would’ve looked like I was wearing the same outfit. I can’t do that, not in a week, let alone for two death-related events. People would know.” Stewy rambles on. 

You can’t help but laugh at his ramble, only he would be acutely aware of that and have considered this all in great detail. You laugh into his blazer and nod. He wears a large smile on his face as he notices that this seems to have cheered you up somewhat. There’s still tears but that’s to be expected, he’s just glad that there’s somehow some smiles and laughs in there as well. 

You press yourself into him tightly, inhaling his comforting scent and presence. “Don’t let me go. Not out there, in here. Ever, please.” 

“I’d never dream of it, baby..” Stewy says softly as he presses a kiss into your head and then you both leave the car holding hands.

[lunar-years]

i wonder if a lot of the ted-as-jamies-father-figure stuff comes from the fact that he's SO heavily contrasted with james sr anytime he and jamie interact. and then you get a two roads in the woods situation. on the one hand, compared to how james treats jamie, it's easy to think "yeah ted! that's how a real dad acts!" when he's doing things like giving ted the army man or being gentle with him in the crown + anchor. but on the other hand, if you get past ted's mannerisms and look at his actions/words, what he's actually doing is, uh, not great!

Excellent point! I very much agree (and it's super interesting that the vast majority of their interactions revolve around James Sr. on some level.)

@goodmorninglovelies42 said Ted sees Jamie as a son-figure but Jamie doesn't see Ted as a father-figure and I think there's a lot of truth to that!

(although personally, I also think even that is very much mixed up in Ted's own Henry & Dad stuff. IMO, Ted sees many of the boys as substitute sons he can focus on guiding and leading in lieu of his missing actual son [and as a way to work past the guilt he feels at leaving said son behind]. He isn't there for Henry but he can be there for Jamie, Sam, Nate, etc. Like, I totally do think Ted sees Jamie as a son-figure, but in a 'Jamie can easily fit into the son-shaped hole in my chest' way as opposed to like, something specific about Jamie himself/Jamie's personality that has Ted caring for him like and thinking of him as a son. If that makes sense? To me it all boils down to that I do not think Ted actually comes to ever understand Jamie on a personal or deeper level, it's moreso the idea of Jamie/what Jamie represents that gets into Ted's head.)

I feel like i'm at risk of coming off as way too harsh on Ted lol so I also want to clarify that I believe in all of the following:

Ted genuinely cares about Jamie and Jamie's well-being (as he does about all the lads). Ted's just genuinely a good person who cares about the majority of people, Jamie included!

The (terrible) advice he gives to Jamie always comes from a well-intentioned place. Like, I think Ted really believes he's bestowing vital wisdom upon him. It's just always...misguided. Because Ted does not actually know what works for Jamie or how to effectively help Jamie, despite thinking he does.

so much of this boils down to Ted's very real mental health struggles which are not his fault. However, I do wish the show had grappled with the potential consequences of his words/actions for others. Like... I would have loved for someone else (Beard) to find out what Ted told Jamie in Mom City and call him out on that being Terrible Advice. Because it's something the show never makes Ted reckon with and I find that annoying lol.

Jamie respects Ted as a coach and appreciates what he's done for Richmond. He just sees him as a coach/authority figure, not a dad.

[yooniesim]

So, I may be a day late, but I still want to make a little post for Simblr Gratitude Day 💜

To start off, my memory is pretty bad, so I just know I'm gonna miss tagging people... and honestly, there's way more people on here I'm grateful for than tumblr's limit of 50! So I'm starting out addressing everyone.

To everybody that likes or reblogs my posts, sends comments or asks, shares their sims with me, or uses my cc: I love you. Yes, you! I may be bad at answering back sometimes, but I cherish every interaction I get- a lot of the times they have me kicking my feet and giggling, or sometimes I'm barking and scaring my cat. Asks really make my day and even when I don't reply so fast, they warm my heart. Asks I've gotten on here have genuinely helped me in my dark times, and renewed my faith in this community as a whole, because some of you are just so freaking amazing and kind. Especially now with everything I've been going through, sims and being here has remained a comfort for me because of you all. Even if there's speed bumps from time to time, I truly believe there's more good here than bad, and y'all should be proud of yourselves and your capacity for endless kindness. Thank you!

Now, I'm going to address a few specific precious people I'm grateful for.

@wastelandwhisperer - Moon, my precious mom friend, I adore you. The joy, comfort, and hilarious memories you give me can't be understated. You deserve all the love and light in the world.

@neverheresims - God's eepiest soldier, what would I do without you? Thank you for always being genuine, reliable, and a true friend.

Vi - Thank you my sheriff, my paggro detector, my master of copypastas, my right hand catboy. Even though you're untraceable, I couldn't leave you out. I love you!

@divinedionym - Thanks for always being straight with me and taking NO shit. I truly admire you and your attitude, friend.

@dyoreos - We may not both be active at the same time anymore, but I still think of you, friend! You've always had my back and I'll always have yours.

@nucrests - I'm so grateful to be your friend, and every time you share your beautiful content and gorgeous sims with me, it really makes my day. I adore you.

@cinamun - You probably don't know this, but in certain times when I was feeling low, your comments and kindness really lifted my spirits and made me feel like I belong. You're a lovely person and deserve all the love you receive, friend.

@woosteru - You won't see this bc you're retired so I can be sappy as I want, so there!!! I adore you, your sweet personality, and your sense of humor that matches just right with mine. (Nobody tell them)

@superflare - Lulu, you're an incredibly creative and intelligent person. I can tell you're going to go far in life and do great for the world. Be proud of yourself, always!

@fiftymilehighclub - Thank you for always being yourself, Manda! You're such a hardworking person that's kind but firm with your opinions and what matters to you. You're amazing.

@nicatnite88 - Tay, you're someone that's always empathetic, understanding and kind, yet hilarious at the same time. I look up to you as a person and admire your skills as a parent.

@pluto-sims - What do I say about Eli? Despite being unfortunately bri*ish, you've exceeded expectations in all other areas as a friend. I genuinely appreciate your presence and kindness in my life.

@bloody-soda - As one of my longest and dearest mutuals, peachy, my love for you can't be understated! I think of you whenever I see cute meme pics lol and you're so lovely as a person.

@wubblesgonefishin - Beautiful wubs, you're such a wonderful person with so much love to give! My day brightens every time I speak with you and I'm so glad you're back.

@toastie-sim - Meg! One of my few brain cells, I don't know what I'd do without you! You're so helpful all the time and unbelievably patient. I appreciate you.

...Phewph. Now that that's o- wait. You thought I was done??? Nuh uh, the king of long ass texts posts is not done that fast. Here's some more beautiful people I'm grateful for and love seeing grace my dash 💜

@simandy @void-imp @therichantsim @adelarsims @marsosims @shysimblr @1-800-cuupid @xldkx @xiuminuwu @hexcodesims @cassymblr @lotusplum @rebelangelsims @denzellion @strawberrylattesims @anachrosims @cowplant-snacks @fierce-trait @simanin @ghostwoohoo @llama-head @aghilasims @janjumjam @jellyfish-tea @bbdoll @puppycheesecake @mwvwv-sims

[kimaratomoya]

I know I don't follow you but like- Maybe an Analysis on Oscar? Idk he's just one of my favorite characters =]

Out of Stock deep dive for @namedoggo (still finding it super awesome that a fellow Faz Frights fanfiction writer who I love is asking me for analysis!!!) because they asked for Isaac and Raj too at a later date!!

THIS WAS DONE WITH THE ACTUAL BOOK!!! NOT THE GRAPHIC NOVEL!!! I AM USING THE ORIGINAL INFORMATION!!!

Also I'm so sorry for the delay my motivation suddenly spiked so here ya go!!!

Oscar Avila:

Our main protagonist of the story!

Basic info:

- Pretty broke family

- Lost his dad at a young age to an infection

- Helps his mom at the Royal Oaks Nursing Home

- Likes Freddy's

- Has the nickname "Little Man"

- Loves his mom

- Wrong thing right reason

- Decent sense of fairness/justice

- Really good friends - Honestly like they are super cool and he does recognise it a few times

He seems like a good enough kid, with some wonky morals, but a good heart. He genuinely does love his friends, even if it's hard to see. He loves his mom too, and tried to be there for her, but he also needs a childhood. He's trying his best and the book seems to be his breaking point. Oscar is one of those characters you feel bad for, and can sympathize with, but still kinda looks at and be like "bro??? What the fuck???"

A bit more in depth:

- Feels like his childhood was stolen

- Often says he has "almost" of stuff he wants/strived for

- Has a decent relationship with Mr. Devereaux

He's just a little guy with a lot of issues. He often overlooks that his friends are really good and they aren't an "almost". He says almost for a lot of things, and lists about the baseball and getting a phone, etc. He's still a good kid, just a bit misguided, especially with his father's death and how he feels like he lost his childhood to help his mom and be the "man of he house". Mr. Devereaux seems like the "wise sage" (looney) of the story, but he's trying his best and Oscar doesn't appreciate him, but I feel like a lot of people wouldn't, but he still seems to like being around him for a bit. He just wants something for himself because he seems to believe that everything is just out of his reach.

Raj:

- Good guy

- Weird mom

- Honestly kinda chill

- Blunt and direct (Very Cool)

- Seems like the reasonable one

Honestly he doesn't get too much development, but it's clear he's the a chill guy. Seems like the smart/reasonable one of the group. Does have a very weird mom though and I do want to mention that because wtf is she on?? Her punishment for the sister is insane.

Isaac:

- Has a brother

- Tbh seems like a good guy

- Again there's not a lot on him

- A tad bit dumb compared to the others

- Easier to get a bit spooked

Ok so I don't like Isaac as much as Raj, more because he seems a bit dense, but he's still a good friend. He risks it for his buddy and, while not quite registering when Oscar gets electrocuted, seems like he does love his friends.

Overall:

They are great friends and it's good to see such a good bond in the FNaF books. They are honestly great people, of not a bit young and misguided, but they tried their darndest. They also are one of the few books with all main characters surviving so congrats.

I do however have to point out that they are sophomores, which is around 15-16, and I have noticed a LOT of ship content for a pair, or all three of them. I understand that they are a few of the most known characters, mostly from people not reading the full series, but please refrain from shipping minors, at least when interacting with this post, as they are not a canon ship.

I try to keep all my AU stuff out of the way so this is all based on actual plot points from the book.

[EDITTED BECAUSE I COULDN'T FIND THE AGE AND NOW HAVE IT, THANKS NAMEDOGGO!!]

[kyojurismo]

Can I have an emergency request? I don't want to seem like I'm venting, but recently I feel like somethings wrong with my family. My mom works midnights by herself to support all of us, my dad has a breathing condition and cant work and lately they've been fighting so much more than they used to and bringing me and my brothers into it. They've been cursing each other out and my parents have always or at least for a long time been very Cristian so hearing them do that scares me. On top of that my mom is verbally abusive to me and my dad loves to guilt trip me and my brothers and they except me to pick sides and honestly I just can't wait till I've saved a enough and learned the language to move to another country. Today I was trying to catch up on some things and my parents where fighting and my mom stormed out of the house and drove off which she has never done and im just really scared and stressed now and I just want some comfort maybe with Giyuu, Sanemi, or Hantengus' clones (platonic or romantic) who get home and reader / S/O is just crying and struggling to breath because they're parents are constantly trying to bring reader into they're own problems and reader feels like everything is always their responsibility and they just break down

# sanemi shinazugawa & hantengu clones (sekido & aizetsu)

tags : gn!reader, soft sanemi, i’ve never written for the hantengu clones so if they seem ooc just ignore it lmao, angst, comfort, not proofread.

a/n : alright since the clones are a lot i decided to write for only two of them 😭 i hope that’s fine anyway… i’m sending you a big hug and i hope everything gets better <3

SANEMI SHINAZUGAWA

sanemi would help you calm down and invite you to breathe with him

that way you would feel a tiny bit better

then he would wipe your cheeks and fill you with sweet words, trying his best to get you to relax

then he would hold you close to his chest and ask you if you want to talk about it

he won’t judge you, just be there to comfort you the best he can

sanemi would caress your hair, your back, your face, peppering your face with kisses

“it’s gonna be okay, i promise,” he would whisper into your ear, holding you to his chest

SEKIDO

man would see red (lol) the moment he notices you crying

would get close to you and help you calm down

“yeah, breathe in and out like this.”

once you’re calm enough he would try his best to comfort you

reluctant but would hug you and caress your head slowly

“wanna talk about it?” his tone would be gentle even if he’s annoyed that someone or something made you cry

once you open up, he would lowkey think about murdering your parents ngl

he would hold you until you’re completely calmed and feel a bit better

AIZETSU

would probably cry with you while holding you into his arms

of course he would help you calm your breathing, as he doesn’t want to make you feel suffocated

he needs to make sure you’re comfortable with him holding you

“i’m so sorry darling, so sorry,” his voice is soft but full of sorrow (well)

i hc him to be super touchy so he would surely hold you close and keep his head close to yours

sometimes he would kiss your cheeks and look at you with tears in his eyes as you open up to him

“oh darling . . . i pity you,” he genuinely feels bad for your situation, “but i promise you it will be okay.”

reblogs & comments are super appreciated! thank you for taking your time reading it, i hope you enjoyed it. have a good day / night <3

[jiminjeonging]

i feel like jimin is a very insecure person. she knows she’s pretty when she’s on stage and dolled up and she knows the whole nation is obsessed with her looks. but I think that’s taken a toll on her because she’s always afraid to show her bare face. going as for as covering it when she arrived to the airport and asking for a mask just feels really sad tbh. also that live where she was waiting for ningning to wake up, she had some really light makeup and kept going “do I look okay? i didn’t want to go live with this face” and i think she’s starting to rely on makeup a lot to feel pretty. like she doesn’t feel comfortable without it if that makes sense, even though she looks amazing either way.

i think she’s really confident in her body and loves to show it but sometimes may resent it because of how people treat her. she might have a love hate relationship with herself and I think minjeong would’ve been there to support her. jimin saying she’s not pretty without makeup and minjeong going EXCUSE ME???? like minjeong hasn’t always been that good at showing affection but i think she’s made it a habit to always compliment jimin and remind her of how beautiful she is

i agree with you!! i've been thinking about something like this ever since she said 'i want to make an asmr channel without showing my face i think i will have about 4 subs mom dad sister grandma' or her always asking on fancalls why do fans like her. she wants to be appreciated more for her talents, humor and such rather than ppl always looking at her like a piece of meat. she started to be more insecure about her bare face too these days since now so many ppl are watching her and she thinks if shes less than perfect she would be criticized(this is true tho unfortunately just remember how everyone was on her ass for watching mha). like i dont think mj was being gatekeepy when she posted about their brunch but rather was respecting jm's whishes since she was bare faced and didn't want to be seen like that. thats why she started to care much more about what fans think too. especially after 0227 even though i think it was fake, jm saw how some fans are ready drop her, she saw 3 trucks infront of her workplace and shes now terrified that they will leave. she wants to please every single one of her fans so bad.

i also think shes confident in her own skin but theres a difference between an outfit she choose for going out and wearing something someone else picked out for you infront of thousands. she was so ucomfy in both musinsa event and yesterday. jm isn't naive too, she knows what ppl think when they see her like that and she doesn't want to be perceived like that. i think jm is in such a sticky situation because she wants to be free so bad but doesn't want to lose everything she worked for, she loves her job but she hates that she just cant sing and dance and be done with it, she is under a lot of pressure while ppl around her and mj wants to help, always compliment her, this is an idea exist in her head and thats very hard to fix when she was born into this society on top of all that. i just hope this doesn't affect her mentally in long term and she learns to let go. i dont think she cares much about people that hates her but she cares a lot about her fans which can suck sometimes since they can be her biggest haters too and wants to be perceived as a good person in general publics eyes. being good with the gp is a concern she has since debut too bcs of bullying accusations and thats why she will always hide a part of herself infront of cameras. even though shes such a genuine person we will never know for sure how shes really like irl. i think thats why some ppl get surprised about the stuff members say about her like her being a slytherin or the idea of her getting angry easily. we are only seeing a part of her shes letting us to see which obviously comes from a lot of insecurities and ofc she has every right to not want every part of her life to be exploited. also she doesn't want to seem like she cares so much about trivial things, wants to seem strong and carefree.

in short i think she resents the fact shes being exploited but she thinks thats an obligation she has to endure to keep the job she loves and being perceived like that makes her insecure and drives her to be want to be perfect all the time. this is true for most idols ofc but since jm is at top right now she feels that more than anyone.

[stevie-petey]

Here's some come home head cannons for come home birthday!! Weird coincidence come home has the same birthday as my grandmother!

Steve has very realistic baby dreams and genuinely gets upset when he wakes up and it's not real

When the party was younger (like s2/3) they'd call Steve to the arcade to help them with a tough level no one could beat. Steve acted like it was an inconvenience but loved hearing them cheer for him when he won.

They also used to do the same with Jonathan in season one. :( Jonathan ran into Steve helping them and got a little hurt that they called him. ( It was Dustin who called)

It was bugs grandmother who taught her to bake, while Claudia preferred to cook. Everytime bug tried cooking it either came out burnt, undercooked, or just tasted off.

After the divorce Claudia struggled, even after coming back to Hawkins. If Dustin and bug ever made her upset they'd clean the whole house while she was out as an apology. It made her cry every time.

Mews was actually a stray kitten bug and Dustin found. A dirty, fussy, kitten in the woods that Dustin and bug brought home with a smile begging to keep him.

Jonathan made Nancy a mixtape but they have different music tastes. She still appreciates it and plays it when she misses him.

Jonathan gave out candy one year instead of trick or treating and decided to scare the kids that came to the house. He made a kid cry then gave them the whole bowl of candy and turned the lights off. Felt bad the rest of the night. Never told a soul, Joyce just thought he ate the candy.

Eleven looks up to Joyce and started to copy everything she did when they moved to California. The way she talked and dressed, how she did her hair. (Hence the bangs)

Max wishes she was more like bug, she wishes she was kind and not so sarcastic. Little does she know bugs kindness is a defense just like Max's sarcasm.

Joyce made els first Halloween costume and went out trick or treating with her even if she was " too old"

Will paints his memories when he feels lonely. There's a painting of him and bug when they got the flu and had a sleepover ( from the mind flayer in season two? When they were trying to talk to will)

It's Jonathan's favorite painting wills done. Will offered to give it to him but he declined. He still looks at it often when he's homesick ( so does Joyce)

Nancy feels sorry for her mother, shes proud to have her mother's spirit, she's just sad she never got to love her dreams. She wants to do better and make her mom proud.

Nancy(s1) used to do a lot of slightly cringe things. Like she fist pumps the air when she does something right, and dances around her room to music. She sings in the shower but Mike will bang on the door and tell her to be quite. She'll do embarrassing stuff to make holly laugh, just like she did for Mike when he was little. ( Rarely worked he's always had that unimpressed look)

Hopper wants El to be like bug when she grows up, he's happy she has someone like bug to look up to. He sees bugs strength and wants El to have her integrity, and wisdom when it comes to life. He'd never say anything about it though.

Bug has a box of letters under her bed from the Byers. And she pins the pictures will sends her on her wall ( it's slowly being overrun by drawings.)

RAAAAAAAAH I LOVE THESE I LOVE GETTING HEADCANONS <33

steve does get baby dreams and he genuinely wakes up sad sometimes (they always happen when he sleeps in bugs bed - hes had to ask to sleep in his bed from now on) and he DEF played at the arcade with the party and bug finds him there one day and absolutely melts (the jon part ,,,,, pls u hurt me).

bug def cant cook shes cursed and can only bake and u read my mind it WAS her grandma who taught her <333

the jon and halloween candy made me GIGGE he would so do that and bug makes fun of him for it every single year LMAO.

maxd and bug :(( god u got it spot on.

and the PAINTING :((( he paints the fort they built and the warmth of the light that reflects bugs face in the painting is so vivid and real that it hurts jonathans chest to look at (joyces too).

i could write essays about nancy and her mom good god . on a lighter note: she IS a nerd and still in my mind does these cute dorky things secretly (jon never teases her for it, he joins).

hopper and el and bug oh my god </3 in my mind, hopper sees sarah in bug. thats why he hated her so much at firsy. bugs wide eyes, childish wonder, and endless kindness reminded hopper of the daughter he lost.

and finally: bug keeps everything. she has it all. her room is just pieces of everyone shes ever loved just as much as her clothes are and her jewelry.

[so-much-for-stardust6]

Older Brother’s Tour- Patrick Stump

-

-

-

summary: you’re patrick stump’s little sister and you’ve convinced your family to let you go on tour with them during the infinity on high era

lowercase intended

warnings: a bit of swearing (like maybe one word or so)

a/n: this was another request by @xx-scene-queen-fangz-xx , hope you like it! i know the gif isn’t from ioh era 😭 it was taking me forever to find one i like of them from that era so i kinda just gave up. also this is NOT proof read cuz by the time i finished writing it i was so tired

-

-

-

-

it was the year 2007 and my older brother, patrick, was going on tour for their new album infinity on high. i begged my mom for so long to let me tour with them and she finally agreed.

“thank you so much mom! i genuinely appreciate it! i love you.” i exclaim and rush to hug her.

she was helping me pack, stressing out as she figured out how to fit my large wardrobe into minimal bags.

“mom, y/n?” we hear patrick call out.

“in here hon.”

my brother pops into my doorway, eyes widening at the clothing mess.

“a-are you taking all of this?”

“uh..no. no. i’m trying to help her but you know your sister.” mom chuckles.

“okay good. we have a lot of luggage ourselves. but you need to hurry up, the guys are outside and we need to get to the bus.”

“almost done. why don’t you go downstairs and greet the boys, y/n?”

“okay..”

patrick leads me to our living room where all the guys sat. i try to avoid looking at a certain bass player as i shyly wave to them. i’ve met them all before and know them a bit but i’m still shy around them, after all i’m 15. also it’s bad enough i have a tiny tiny crush on pete, patrick’s best friend.

“hey! it’s little stump! wassup little stump!” pete shouts out, bouncing up from the couch to give me a noogie. i groan out and try to push him away.

“don’t ruin my hair, man! you know how precious someone’s hair is.” i pout as i fix my messy hair.

“you excited to tour with us? see how us cool guys hang out.” joe jokes, pushing up his sunglasses.

“you look like a douche with sunglasses on inside, man.” patrick says.

i laugh at my brother’s words, laughing even harder when joe’s smile drops.

“fuck you, stump.”

“hey! watch your language, my little sister is near.” patrick covers my ears.

“hey! i’m not little!”

“you’re 15, y/n/n.”

patrick has given me that nickname when i was born. being so little and seeing your new baby sister can have the imagination go wild.

“okay you two, no fighting.” my mom scolds us as she carried my luggage down the stairs.

patrick and i rush to grab the items from her, thanking her for helping pack.

“okay, you better take care of your sister, patrick. and you boys better take care of my babies, understand?” she points her finger at the guys sitting on the couch.

“yes mrs. stump.” joe gulps.

“absolutely mrs. stump.” andy says with a smile on his face.

“cross my heart.” pete holds a hand up and crosses his heart.

“i love you two so much. i’m proud of everyone you guys do, always. be safe and do NOT get into trouble. i don’t want a call saying one of you guys got arrested for something pete dared you to do.”

“i promise mom. i’ll watch y/n/n 24/7. i love you too.”

“come here.” she opens her arms to give us a hug.

she squeezes us tightly and starts to shower us in kisses. we both groan out as we try to escape her hold.

“we have to get going, mom.” patrick mumbles.

“okay okay, i’m sorry.” she pulls away, flattening out her clothes.

“i’ll call you once we get to the airport, okay?”

“and call me when you land and get to your hotel too.”

“and what, do we have to call you when we step foot into a mcdonald’s?” i joke, making patrick snicker.

“you know i-���

“you’re trying to make sure we’re safe, we know. i was kidding. see you in a couple months, love you.” i kiss her cheek before finally stepping away from me.

patrick kisses her cheek and says another ‘i love you’.

“see you boys later.” she hugs the guys as we left the house.

patrick helps me stuff my luggage into the trunk, rough housing it.

“watch it, trick! i have important stuff in there.”

“like what, a fuckin’ fishbowl?” he jokes.

“no, asshole, my camera. i want to take pictures everywhere we go.”

“aww like our little photographer.” he pats my head.

i swat his hands away and walk to the car door.

“so who’s sitting where?” joe asks, looking at the car.

“shotgun!” pete screams, swinging the door open and shoving himself inside.

“who wants to drive?”

“me!” i exclaim.

“haha, no. won’t even make it a minute from the house.” patrick says.

“hey! what a way to believe in your little sister. now i won’t have any confidence when i learn how to drive.” i fake pout.

“oh boo hoo.” patrick fake pouts right back at me.

“i’ll drive.” andy says, breaking up the sibling debacle.

“guess you’ll be stuck in the middle, y/n.” joe says, shrugging.

“what?! why me?”

“cause you’re smaller than us, now get it.”

we all get in the car, squeezing tight next to each other.

“ooo, can i please play some music?” i exclaim.

“no way, all you listen to is us.” patrick immediately says.

“and that’s a bad thing? i’m just supporting my brother.”

“hey, let the girl play some jams man. i could use a bit of a refresher on some songs to be honest.” pete chimes in.

“you’re just being a meanie to her. loosen up and let her have fun.” joe says, wrapping an arm around me to bring me close to him.

he gives me a noogie as well making me complain.

“what is it with you guys and noogies?!” i shove him off.

they hand me the aux and i obviously play infinity on high. i’m so proud of patrick and the guys for getting out of chicago and becoming so big. i’m so excited to see them on tour, ready to scream my lungs out. i play don’t you know who i think i am and we all jam out, patrick occasionally humming along. my heart rate increases as i remember that i’m going all across the country. it wasn’t a long drive to the airport, making my worries higher. pete had a friend of his drive his and the other guys’ luggage in another car. we all grab our items and trudge our way to the check in. we do the normal security checks and everything, the thingy beeping cause of my belt. after that incident, we had time to kill so we made camp at seats next to our gate. patrick had a book to keep him company, pete brought one too, joe had some earbuds and andy brought both. i tried listening to some more fall out boy to ease my nerves but it didn’t help.

“hey trick.” i slightly nudged him.

“hm?” he hummed, not looking up from his book.

“i-i’m kind of scared.”

hearing those words out my mouth caused his to immediately look up at me, worry in his eyes.

“why, what’s going on?”

“i keep thinking about the fact i’m going to be on a plane nearly everyday. going to a lot of cities almost every night and i’m gonna be around a lot of people. it’s too much.” i admit.

“hey, it’s going to be okay. i felt the same way too, being around and about all the time scared me. but you just gotta think of the positives because i know you, and you love to think negative. you get to travel and see such beautiful things, going to beautiful cities. you also meet so many cool people, you might meet someone who’s a big fan of us like you. well maybe i don’t want a fan being friends with my little sister but you understand what i mean.” i chuckle at his words.

“you’re right, thank you trick. i’m just nervous to be away from home.”

“and it’s okay to be. i felt incredibly homesick when i first left on tour. i was worried about you if i have to be honest, not being near my baby sis made me nervous. i know i don’t do much but if something would happen to you i couldn’t protect you.” he sheepishly admits.

“you’re the best big brother anyone could ask for and i love you for being you.” i give him a side hug.

“love you too. are you hungry or anything? wanna go see what they got?”

“yeah sure.” i stand up.

he stuffed his book into the carryon bag he has and gets up to follow me to the food area. we end up getting mcdonald’s and go back to our seats.

“pst, let me steal a fry.” pete whispers to me.

“go get your own.” patrick says out loud to pete.

“ignore him.” pete scoffs.

i giggle and end up handing him a fry. pete has always been my favorite friend of patrick’s, having the best personality in my opinion. i know how reckless and stupid he is which is why i have that tiny crush on him.

“you excited little stump?”

i’ve always hated that nickname they gave me, saying i look nearly identical to patrick.

“i hate that name.” i mumble.

“you gotta learn to love it, little stump. cause you won’t hear the end of it!” he flashes me a smile.

i lightly blush at his beautiful smile and look back at my food.

“i heard you tell patrick you brought a camera. you thinkin’ of taking photos of us on stage?”

“hmm, i was actually gonna take some of the cities but that isn’t a bad idea actually. i’d love to take pictures of you guys.”

“hey, maybe you can become our photographer once you get older.” he laughs.

“ugh being 15 sucks, i wish i was older.” i throw my head back.

“take in the childhood you have left. you may wanna be older but once you are, you’ll miss your youth.”

his words remind me of their song ‘golden’, my heart aching as i remember he wrote the lyrics.

“this tour will definitely be something i’ll remember from my youth. i know i’m patrick’s sister but you guys are honestly my favorite band.” i say.

“i’m glad we are.” he smiles once again to distract me as he took another fry.

a couple hours go by and it was finally time for us to board. we stood in line as he gave the lady our tickets, walking down the long hallway and into the crowded plane. large crowds make me stressed so weaving in between them was messing with my brain a lot. i got a window seat next to patrick, who obviously bought his ticket to be next to mine. i wiped my sweaty palms onto my pants, taking a deep breath.

“it’ll be okay. just breathe and don’t focus on the bad.” he grabs onto my hand and squeezes it tight.

i nod at his words and kept taking deep breaths. once everyone was settled down and the stewardess gave instructions on what to do when an emergency happens, the pilot began taking off. i gripped patrick’s hand as tight as i could as the plane took off. the force of us going up made me slightly sick to my stomach from the nerves, but once we were fully in the air everything felt smooth. i slowly opened my eyes and let out the deep breath i had, letting go of patrick’s aching hand.

“see, was it that bad?”

“n-not really, no..” i gulp.

“it’s okay. here take a nap, i know you’re exhausted.” he patted his shoulder.

i happily rest my head on his shoulder and let sleep take me over.

[nerves-nebula]

Nigerian living in Nigeria here and I really really don't think you should come over. We are currently in a very very anti trans and anti lgbtq period. If anybody were to find out you were trans you'll be super unsafe. I know this advice is unsolicited and you didn't particularly say you were coming here but as a queer trans person who's unable to transition and is currently stuck in this country, I feel increasingly unsafe and things are getting worse.

If you were to come, you probably would have to make sure you pass as a woman really really well and have backup plans to leave the country quick if you were found out.

I've noticed ppl have started to pay more attention to how I dress and noticing me binding my chest and dressing masculine, no one paid that much attention to that a few years ago but now ppl can't seem to shut the fuck up about it

We have a thriving queer community here, we are small yes but we know how to find each other. The problem is they are no laws to protect us and the average person thinks we are devil worshippers. Ppl who get caught by the police have to bribe their way out of prison and it isn't even the police you have to worry about, it's the ppl around you.

The beard thing can be passed of as genetics if it isn't a full one, we have a lot of women with facial hair, but if you give of any hint that you aren't cis you'll be in trouble.

And it also depends on the area you would be visiting too. Gated communities tend to mind their business and it easier to be a moderately rich queer person than a poor one. The rich can choose where they can go and who they can interact with while poorer queer ppl have to interact with ppl who are more likely to hurt them

If you're sure you can pass as a cis woman then come if you can't and you don't have any support systems that would protect your best interest in the country then I advice you stay in America. Nigerians barely ever protest(at least ppl outside unions) yet average ppl were protesting the legalisation of gay ppl just this year

The climate here is complicated, we have very popular trans and queer influencers that have millions of followers but it isn't that hard to find a video of a transwoman getting beat up. If you're rich with parents that'll turn the other way you're must likely good if not sorry for you 🤷🏿

If you do think you'll be able to manage I don't mind helping in any way I can

thanks for giving me the general vibe, it's definitely something i was wondering about so i genuinely appreciate it. i think i can still pass for a woman (one with a slightly deep voice but tbh it's no that deep. I've still got breasts and everything so at most they'll think I'm like. a masculine looking cis woman, idk)

I dont have like a full BEARD beard i think i'd have to shave what i do have cuz my sister, who has already visited with my dad, says i prolly got too much facial hair to pass it off as genetics.

the issue i'm worried about is my dad telling people i'm trans. i don't even know if he knows that i'm transgender or what, but he knows i'm on testosterone.

I wouldn't come over if I didn't think I was safe. and that's the issue that i'm grappling with cuz I'm not entirely sure what my dad will say/do. i don't think he'll beat me or anything since he hasn't done that with his other, way more volatile and argumentative children. that's like, not a fear i have about him. but i'm not sure if he'll tell the people around us about me or endanger me in some way.

my inclination is to say no, but he and my mom have done equally awful stuff when i thought "surely they wouldn't do that" so I'm not sure. I don't think my dad is rich, but i don't know exactly. he has a lot of connections and has worked in the government and when my oldest sister visited, she said he had armed guards that escorted them everywhere. so that's probably a good sign? but that was a few years ago.

i wouldn't go by my real name or pronouns there, that's for damn sure, but I'm worried I'd forget the little things about me that show I'm trans. for example, my favorite jacket has a trans flag painted on it and my backpack has a pronoun pin. those are easy to side step obviously, just remove the pin and don't bring the jacket- but I'm worried about little things like that slipping through the cracks because i'm not used to hiding them.

[austinsgirl]

Rather Die Chapter 21

Masterlist

——————————————

Christmas Morning

Victoria woke up to the smell of breakfast being made in the kitchen. Austin & Evelyn are currently frying up ham & making eggs. Evelyn seems to really be getting along with Austin, which makes Vic happy since that is the grandmother to Violet.

"Good morning, Vic." Austin smiles. "Merry Christmas."

"Good morning, Merry Christmas." she smiles back.

Austin walks up to her & talks quietly, "I was thinking we could tell everyone the baby's name during breakfast."

"Yeah, definitely." Victoria agrees happily.

"Merry Christmas, sweetheart!" Evelyn says coming behind Vic to give her a hug.

"Merry Christmas, mom!" she smiles. "Breakfast looks amazing. I had no idea you planning to do all this."

"Austin asked me last night if I'd help him. He wanted to surprise you."

"Oh?" she raises an eyebrow at Austin. "Did you now?"

"I did." Austin smiles & blushes a bit.

"That's really sweet of you, Aus."

"You deserve it, Vic. You did so much yesterday. You deserve to just rest and chill out today."

"Thank you. I appreciate it." Vic smiles again.

Once breakfast was ready, everyone sat down at the table to eat.

Austin speaks up, "So um, I have some news. Julie & I have made it official! We are now boyfriend & girlfriend. I asked her this morning with the necklace I got for her with my birthstone."

Every one was congratulating them & seemed genuinely happy except for Victoria.

She put on a fake smile as her heart sank when she heard the news, even though she saw it coming any day now.

"Vic & I also have some news..." Austin says, getting Victoria's attention, dragging her away from her thoughts. "Vic, wanna share the news?"

"So, we have decided on a name for baby girl. Her name is Violet Lorraine."

Austin's sister Ashley immediately started tearing up at hearing her middle name.

"Austin, is Lorraine after mom?" Ashley asks.

"Yeah, it is." Austin smiles.

"That's so beautiful, Austin. I love it." she says. "Mom would love it."

"Thank you." Austin starts to get teary eyed himself.

David speaks up, "Your mom would be so proud & so honored, son."

"Thanks dad." Austin replies.

After breakfast, everyone gathered in the living room to open presents as Home Alone played in the background.

Lots of gifts being exchanged, a lot from Austin as he loves to give & tends to over buy.

Vic opens her first gift from him which is a gift certificate to a local spa.

"Oooo this is so nice, Aus. Thank you."

"You're welcome." he replies. "This place has special messages for pregnant women, and you're always complaining about being sore so it should help. There should be enough on there for a facial & to get your nails done too."

"That sounds so amazing. I will be booking an appointment ASAP."

Mila opened up a gift from Austin next which was a gift certificate to the same spa.

"Ooo Vic! Girls day!" Mila says showing Vic the gift certificate.

"Ooo yes, definitely!" Victoria replies.

As they continue opening gifts, Austin & Ashley both open a gift from Victoria. She had gotten a drawing commissioned of them & with their mom. The siblings both started tearing up.

"Wow...this is um...beautiful." Austin says speechless. "Where did you even get this picture?"

"Your dad may have helped me with that." Vic looks over to David who is looking at her.

"This is so sweet. Thank you so much, Victoria." Ashley says getting up from her seat to give Vic a hug.

"You're very welcome." Vic replies, hugging back.

"Thanks, Vic. This means a lot." Austin says.

"You're so welcome, Aus. I'm glad you love it."

They continued opening presents until everything was unwrapped.

They also went through their stockings which was full of their favorite candies, travel size items, lottery scratch offs, little random things that they'd like, for example, Austin got guitar picks since he plays guitar. There was also beauty items for the women.

After a while, Austin's family said their goodbyes & headed home. Austin said his 'see you later's' before leaving to go to Juliette's parents house.

About a couple hours after Austin had left, he had texted Mila saying he forgot one of Vic's gifts in his closet and asked for her to give it to Vic just incase he didn't see her when he got home.

Mila grabbed a little velvet box out of one Austin's drawers in his closet & went back out to the living room where everyone was now watching The Santa Claus.

"Vic, Austin asked for me to grab this from his room for you. He wanted to make sure you had it today just incase you're in bed by the time he gets home." Mila says as she hands her the box.

Vic takes it from her, confused as to what it could be.

"Oh my gosh...he remembered..." Vic says shocked as she sees what's in the box.

"What is it, sweetie?" Evelyn asks.

"It was months ago. Austin & I had some time to kill before our doctors appointment. We had walked down to Starbucks to get something to drink, and on our way back we walked passed this antique store that had this Tiffany's pearl necklace and earring set in window on display & it was the exact set that-

"Your dad had gotten you for your fifteenth birthday before he passed, and you had lost it in the move..." Evelyn says cutting her off.

"Yes." Victoria says on the verge of tears. "We were running out of time to stop in there, and then completely forgot to go in afterwards because we were too distracted from seeing Violet on the ultrasound. Whenever we would be over there after that, the store was closed. But I guess he managed to go on his own to get it for me. I can't believe he remembered it, and how much I wanted it." she wipes away tears that are streaming down her cheeks.

Victoria feels herself adding on more love for Austin to the love she already has that she continues to try and suppress.

"That is the sweetest thing." Evelyn says. "He really loves you, huh?"

"What?" Vic asks getting caught off guard. "Noo. It's not like that, mom. He just loves me in a friend & the mother of his child kinda way."

"But this was months ago, right? He probably got it before he met Julie." Mila says.

"Juliette." Victoria corrects her.

"Whatever. He definitely did love you to do that."

"Emphasis on the 'did'. He's with Juliette now. It's not like that now."

"Honestly, you didn't hear this from me but, I think it's always like that with him now. I don't think this man will ever stop loving you in that romantic way." Mila says.

"You think?"

"Mhm. I just feel it."

"I hope you're wrong, Mila. I don't think it'll ever happen for us."

"Don't be so sure." Mila raises an eyebrow with a smirk. "I'm rarely wrong about these things. Also got the thought, what if Eliana stole your necklace from you? The one you lost?"

"You know what, she totally could have. I did catch her rummaging through my jewelry box once. She claimed she was looking for something I borrowed from her, which I never did. A pair of earrings were missing after that and she played it off like she hadn't seen them. That bitch." Vic says.

"Yeah, she probably did then." Mila replies.

Evelyn says, "It's sad how horrible of a person she turned out to be. But honestly not surprised. Her parents were always so snooty to us whenever they visited New Zealand."

"Her mom especially." Victoria adds.

Some time has passed. Everyone has gone to bed for the night except for Victoria. She waited up for Austin.

He finally walked through the door a little after 11pm.

"Hey, Vic. You're still up?" Austin asks, seeing her from the kitchen as he puts food away in the fridge he was sent home with from Juliette's mom.

"Yeah. I was waiting for you actually." she replies as she stuffs Sour Patch Watermelons into her mouth. AKA, her current pregnancy craving.

"Oh, you were?" he walks into the living room and sits down next to her on the couch.

"Yeah. I wanted to thank you in person for the necklace set, so thank you, Austin. You really didn't have to do that. It must have cost you a fortune."

"Oh, you're welcome. It's nothing."

"It's not nothing, Aus. It's everything. It's absolutely perfect & something I don't deserve."

"What do you mean you don't deserve it? You absolutely do." he grabs her hand in reassurance.

"I don't deserve it. Not after the way I treated you."

"I don't care about that anymore. You absolutely deserve it. After the shit I put you through, the shit Eliana put you through. The way you wanted this so bad because it was something your dad had gotten you that you lost. You need this."

"You're one of the sweetest people I have ever met, you know that?" Vic says starting to sob. "I'm sorry I ever treated you like you weren't."

"It's okay. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. That was something you didn't deserve."

"It's fine. You still piss me off and annoy me sometimes though." she chuckles.

"I can say the same about you, Vic." Austin laughs.

"How was meeting her parents?" she asked.

"It was good. They were really nice. Her dad was kinda scary & weary of me at first but he warmed up to me."

"That's good."

"Yeah. They got me a gift card to Barnes & Noble." he chuckles. "They figured I'd like it since I obviously shop there."

"Right, because you met Juliette there."

"Yeah." he laughs, stealing a piece of candy from her.

"Hey! Those are mine!" she snatches the bag out of her lap. "See, you're being annoying."

"What? You can't give up just one? It's Christmas!"

"No, I need these things to survive right now."

"You're so dramatic."

"I am an actress." she jokes.

"Oh speaking of, I don't remember if I told you. My publicist is already working with yours on getting us interviews for the movie. The trailer drops next week and then the movie is dropping in April."

"April?" she raises an eyebrow. "When in April?"

"Late April I think, but the premier is early April."

"And I'm due the 16th. Great. I hope we'll be able to make it to the premier."

"I'm sure it'll be fine. If we miss it, then oh well."

"I'd rather not, you know? It's my first movie."

"I know, I know. But whatever happens, it'll all work out."

"I know." she sighs.

"We should get to bed. It's been a long day."

"We should. Help me get up?"

"Of course."

Austin gets up and grabs onto her hands and pulls her up.

"Thank you. I'm only 5 months and it's already hard for me to get up sometimes."

"Well, the depth of the couch doesn't help."

"It really doesn't. And hey, thanks again." she smiles.

"You're very welcome." he pulls her into a big hug.

When he breaks away, he drops down to her belly and gives it a kiss. "Goodnight, Violet."

He stands back up, "Goodnight, Vic." he says, looking into her eyes with a quick glance at her lips.

"Goodnight, Aus." she notices the glance at his lips and holds herself back from kissing him.

They turn everything off and head to their bedrooms.

They shut their doors behind them & lean their backs against them, sighing.

Austin thinks, "No. You're in love with Julie, not Vic."

Victoria thinks, "Girl no. We're not doing this again. You are in love with Ash, not Aus."

They take a deep breath, tell themselves everything is fine, and head off to bed.

——————————————————————

[spidercatenthusiast]

5, 6, and 13 for the wotr asks!

@dragonologist-phd @mathlann

doing these all at once because they all jumpscared me this morning. also this got Fucking Long so everything's under the cut

ok so I'm gonna start by throwing a quick rundown of each so theres any context at all

- Mordren: Tiefling (Asura-spawn) Sorcerer (Sage Sorcerer) Demon, Tyranny sub-path & Daeran romance/divorce. lived in nerosyan her whole life & picked up magic from her family, starts to worship Gyronna after her mom dies

- Tamarie: Half-Elf Cayden Cailean Inquisitor (Tactical Leader), Azata path & Arueshalae romance. part of a revolutionary cell in Galt, but ran off when it started getting heated and staying alive felt impossible. my first run and all the wistful vibes i can generate all in one neat package

- Cernan: Aasimar (Plumekith) Zon-Kuthon Warpriest/Fighter, Renegade Aeon into Legend, Wenduag romance. fought in Lastwall & got summarily left for dead before being saved by areelu's intervention, started doing Zon-Kuthon Stuff as a way to get some catharsis and get away from Lastwall. exists in a quantum state where i cant decide if theyre a butch or a straight guy

3. Who is/are their best friend(s) among companions and why?

Mordren vibes really well with Woljif in the early-game, but around Act 4, she gets this appreciation for Greybor as she starts trying to figure out what exactly her future looks like, and overall just respects him. Arueshalae also gets points because they're not friends or anything like it, but I'm thinking especially in Alushinyrra that Arueshalae tries to get through to her a bit, which leads to some in-depth conversations that Mordren wouldn't really have with anyone else.

Sosiel and Tamarie get along pretty well, she has a lot of respect for his reasons for coming to the crusade, even though she doesn't really believe Trever can be found until it actually happens. She's a bit jaded early game so I like how that dynamic works between someone who's seen too much and someone who hasn't seen enough, and they both have a lot of influence on how the other develops over the course of the game. Aivu gets some love too, and has the easiest time of getting a genuine smile out of her.

Cernan doesn't get close to a whole lot of people. Besides Wenduag, they're chill with fallen Arue, Regill, and Lann, but doesn't really befriend any of them. 7 Charisma grindset

5. Do they have a family? If so, what kind? Do they miss them? Do they still have hope to see them again?

Mordren's mostly just had her mom, who'd been a crusader battlemage before having to retire from her injuries, and altogether a pretty good parent to her. Lasting complications from her injuries & overexertion kill her ~4 years before WotR, and she's missed dearly. Rated top spellcaster single mom over the one that fucks around with her kid's soul by a vote of 1-0.

Tamarie's got her parents and a twin brother in Galt, they're all very keep-your-head-down types of people, which she chafes at pre-game and is relieved about from midgame onwards. She writes to them when she can, and gets them situated in a nice place in Mendev afterwards.

Cernan's been presumed dead by their family and tries to stay away since they're just a completely different person from the one their family knew, they still miss them occasionally, but not too badly. I could definitely see them reuniting postgame, but not for very long.

6. Which mythic path did they choose and why? Do they regret it?

Mordren goes for the demon path, she's extremely distrustful of the crusades, and doesn't really buy into the angel power at all. She sees that the demon path is useful against Savamelekh, against the Wardstone, etc, goes for it, and that's how she justifies herself. Her bigger underlying reason is having something of a spiteful streak, in theory she could have went with Azata or Trickster, but at the end of the day she doesn't think they can get anything done, and she wants the raw strength more than anything else. She regrets it sometimes, but not enough that she wouldn't make the same choices given the chance, so she never tries the Legend check despite being 99% sure that Iomedae was going to kill her if she didn't.

Tamarie goes with the Azata path, mostly because she's an idealist at heart. She starts the game just about completely hopeless and definitely dealing with some lingering Galt Trauma, but she tries like hell to fix everything to a pretty unhealthy degree. Seeing Elysium in the Desnan temple is what gives her what she needs to push through the first and second acts, and there's no doubt in her mind to keep with it.

Cernan goes Aeon because I originally wanted to play Devil because they're fascinated by the Aeon's sight, and think it's more useful than anything from the other paths when cultists are everywhere. Unfortunately for them, the experience of seeing the mirror freaks them out, and renegade Aeon doesn't get anything cool besides Staunton. Cernan also gets attached to Wenduag really quickly into her romance, and doesn't want to have to judge her. All of this means they take the first opportunity to switch to Legend, and reconsider some Zon-Kuthon stuff postgame.

8. What do they desire the most?

Mordren's mostly after safety for herself, and later for Daeran. She gets something resembling that in Alushinyrra by staying loyal to Nocticula, but what ends up breaking everything apart is how Daeran is just absolutely not going to live out the rest of his life in the Abyss, and he has no idea that she "survived" jumping into the Worldwound.

Tamarie wants to fix everything for everyone, and she gets pretty close to the best she can do, but becomes weighed down by her failures (more on that later). Once she tempers her expectations, she's much happier with what she can do.

Cernan has absolutely no clue what they want or where they're going until Act 5. Getting the Aeon Stuff out of their system puts everything in a new perspective, they just want to chill out, stop chasing infinite catharsis via torture cult, and be happy, but crucially still weird and evil, with Wenduag.

13. What is their biggest regret regarding their time as the KC?

More than anything else, Mordren wishes that she killed Nocticula when she had the chance. Blaming Nocticula for making her & Daeran impossible is way easier on her than taking any kind of personal responsibility for what she's done. In general, she's also terrified of Nocticula since she showed up before the Nahyndri fight and then gave her this afterwards:

i swear that description was tailor-made to fuel the angst center of my brain. mwah

Tamarie's biggest regret has got to be Wenduag. She's so fixated on trying to help her that she fundamentally does not understand her or where she's coming from, which gets Lann killed in Act 3, Dyra's murder essentially overlooked, herself betrayed in Act 5, and then she spares her again. She might be regretting that for the rest of her days, but at least she's winning the award for Cayden's Strongest Feminist

For Cernan it's mostly just the Aeon stuff from before. Aeon's fucked dude

20. Which event of the crusade traumatized them?

Definitely getting tortured by Hepzamirah for Mordren, it's also what locks her into seeing demon path stuff through to the end, wanting to get stronger so that couldn't happen again. I am forever indignant about how once that segment's over, it never gets brought up again in any of the times you see Hepzamirah, and only in passing at the Ivory Labyrinth.

Tamarie's has to be being too late to save the banner camp at Iz, promising Anevia that she'll bring Irabeth back ends up dooming everyone there, and not being able to save everyone on such a scale is a huge wake-up call for her.

Cernan came largely pre-traumatized, but wading through Undead Hell Hill to get up to the Lost Chapel didn't do them any favors, but they at least got to hit Zacharius with a flail a bunch of times, so all became right with the world.

thanks so much for asking, this was really fun to do!!

[slanax]

so the podcast playlist ran out at work earlier today and left me with just music and my thoughts while I continued packaging products on autopilot. Now over the last month or so I've done a lot in my day to day life to stop stagnating and settling for 'good enough' as far as like household and stuff is concerned, I finally upgraded my phone and phone plan after like five and ten years respectively, I bought new clothes that actually fit me instead of the holdovers from back in the day that I was still wearing, my kitchen now has an actual workspace bc I've rearranged my furniture and added some more - shoutouts to my mom who wanted the doors off of my ikea cupboards so she'd have a matching set for the ones I left at home (the kind I had wasn't in store anymore) bc her offering to drive me to Ikea to get replacements triggered a bit of a binge in rearranging my whole apartment and let me transport the new stuff home too. Visiting my brother made me cook more and eat healthier bc he showed me the burgers he's cooking up when he needs something fast but like, with standards.

anyways. rambling. point is that the whole thing got me thinking about other things in my life that I'm kinda 'eh good enough' on, and the big one there is my identity and my body. Me being cis is, at least at this point, a conscious choice born from indifference, the factory settings work well enough and it'd be effort to even start looking into what I'd have to do to change them. But at the same time, it doesn't feel super cis for my position to be "yeah I'd prolly trans my gender if given the chance but that sounds like I'd have to file shit and call people and bureaucracy would be involved. But I would. But the effort." like I'm remembering Ranma 1/2 from my childhood and think that'd be neat to be able to do, just switch genders at the drop of a literal bucket, I feel that's not a very cis thought.

so then about two weeks ago my workplace gave us access to some health benefits, because they're feeling bad about keeping the warehouse people a bit out of the loop and removed from the office people, and also they're having trouble finding new people and really don't want any of us to quit, or something along those lines. Point is I have better health insurance now, based on a calender year budget, so I basically have an above average budget for the second half of this year now and I wanna make use of that, because it's a use-it-or-lose-it kinda deal. Now I don't know if I can use that for any gender affirming stuff, but I might.

The problem that remains is that I still couldn't care less for going through the whole rigamaroll of a social transition, but like. staying on-paper cis and continuing to use my given name to avoid all those complications, legally still being the same person and just looking different (might need a new ID if I go that far lol) doing whatever the fuck I want with my body in the meantime without it ever affecting my legal identity because it's not a deadname if I'm still just using it, it doesn't actually give me dysphoria, and they can't force me to change my name just because I have boobs, might be what I want? And then maybe I can consider a legal gender and/or name change from there?

idk on one hand it sounds like something I'd want to do but on the other hand I also feel it's not like, committed enough? like both on a practical level where I need a doctor to help me transition physically while still using the same (male) name, and on an ideological level where it feels like appropriation in a way to just want the body and the appearance but skipping over the whole paperwork thing because I can't be arsed while for a lot of people changing name and officially recognized identity is a just as if not more important aspect of transitioning.

genuinely can't tell on my own if that standpoint is a valid one, if I'm right to be hesitant for that reason or if that's an exclusionist brainworm take, would appreciate feedback and second opinions on that part especially

either way I am going to look into using my newfound health benefits for getting my facial hair lasered first and foremost because even if I stay physically 100% male that shit is annoying, I don't care for how it looks on me, I feel messy when it's there and can't be assed to shave it regularily. Avoiding effort is a key part of my identity either way whether I'm Cis+ or Legally Cis For Tax Reasons

[yesyourstalker]

Part 3 I'm almost done I hope. I'm being honest I spent 3 hours cooking in 4 hours sleeping after

Warabi: so this is the store pretty big

Neta: Oh yeah, It's a pretty big place I'm going to need a lot of vendors and more artists to sell here. My main worry is that I lose my brand and my image , If we started out with underground bands, alternative music like metal and rock. If I start selling mainstream stuff I don't want to come off as a sellout

Warabi: I don't think that's going to happen. It's not like you're going to stop selling underground stuff it's not like you're going to stop supporting them either. You're just expanding your business to a broader audience the fact, you're worrying about your image and your brand just shows that you still care about your original customers.

Oshi: That's some great advice ink drop!

Warabi: mom!!! Uhhh what are you doing here?.... I thought you were on whale back island.... To get away from the snow

Oshi: we were planning on doing that until you're wonderful boss invited us to the party. I just couldn't miss that right shim?

Shimi: [eating] how much was the caterer here? These stuffed tentacles are good! Melts in the mouth.... This is the store? really big. You sure you have enough stuff to sell in here or are you going to stock 10 Rows of belts and jewelry to fill space?

Warabi: dad! That's rude!

Shimi: It's a genuine question. Do you have a layout plan or anything? What's the look you're trying to do

Neta:my original store kind of has a basement/ attic-like design, old vintage t-shirts, guitars, vinyl. someone's garage type feel.

Oshi: Oh so nostalgia... I like that

Shimi: I know a lot of people who are very good in interior design... [ eating] we just got our vacation home remodeled...... I can see if I can give you his number. Tell him the octavios sent you. They'll give you a discount.

Neta: thank you Mr. Octavio. I deeply appreciate this

Shimi: well that should count as a frosty fest gift cuz we didn't get you anything we didn't think we had to

Neta: oh That's good because you didn't have to do that. .

Warabi: Dad,.... That are really nice moment and then you had to ruin it with the last- what the fuck?

Oshi: ink drop language!

Warabi: I'm sorry just give me one second....

_______________________________________________

Candi: Candi!?!

Candi: *gasp* oh my Cod! Shut the hell up. Are you kidding me? What are you doing here?!! Ahhhhhh

Candi: ahhhhhh Oh my god it's been so long!! girl What are you up to?

Candi: Oh you know. Just trying to survive.

Candi: I hear that, I hear that I looove makeup!

Candi: stop lying. I just smeared this shit on at the last minute hehehe you know I have no sense of time.

Mizole: I didn't know you knew each other. How do you know candi?

Candi: That's really none of your business

Candi: I don't have to tell you everything about my personal life. Go find Ichiya or something. Bye. Go.. cod that guy

Candi: Right.... He drives me out the wall everyday.

Candi: you know they dated?

Candi: hahaha Oh my Cod you have to tell me.... Oh crap...no no no ... I have to go. I'll be right back I promise. Just give me one sec girlie

_______________________________________________

Ikkan: so I yeah Mike Murrays actually played the sax around-

Baja: around 1989! But when Blue Ocean breeze came out-

Tao: He switched to a clarinet! It was like his staple instrument throughout the '90s.

Baja: He actually went through like five clarinets throughout those years. I think he's probably one of the most popular non-pop or rock idles out there.. but he's been gone for like 8 years and it somehow we still all know him

Ikkan: he Pioneered jazz..

Tao: oh yeah I'm a big fan of their later works it really influenced the ska genre

Ikkan: you see I used to dislike his later work when I saw The influencer had on other genre I took another like listen to it. It's really good! It's like an organized mess

Baja: right?! It's chaotic but smooth. He actually went to jelly Port for a tour and met up with Sting time stingers back in 01 which I guess gave him more of an influence to the newer albums

Tao: It's a Shame he died before they could release the album with the stingers I know there's a demo out there they release but it's hard to find

Ikkan: I've been trying to find it there is a specific website and the URL is in octarian so I'm trying to get Neta to- hm .... I'm sorry will excuse me for a quick sec.

_______________________________________________

Mahi: why the fuck are you here?!

Taka: I was invited of course. I can't miss an opportunity to be around my fellow artist. Why are you here you have no talent.

Mahi: I'm here because Neta wants me here! unlike you! You think we forgot how you treated him!

Taka: *pffth*.... how I treated him. As if taking him out to dinner, giving him a gift and being at his beckon call when he felt "lonely". He was honestly really sad.... But he is a sad person....boy he was hot tho...heh ..was

Mahi: you want to take this outside

Warabi: Mahi hay! the table is all out of drinks let's go get some more.

Candi: yeah let's just go to corner store. Their self checkout is still open let's just get some more wine and spritzer I am sober so I can drive so let's go. Let's go now. Mahi.

Mahi: [staring down taka]

Ikkan: mahi please don't ruin this event by a fight. Neta will never forgive you if you do.... Listen, go with Candi and Warabi and I'll handle this...

Mahi:...... Fine. .... I'll wait until the party ends

Ikkan: I'll get the bouncer.. kick them out before Neta - hi babe.

Neta: what happened? Why did everyone rush over here

Ikkan: Hi uhhh You're three employees are just going out to get some more refreshments they just didn't know how to

Neta: We have more in the back of my car they don't have to go out and......... Oh I see.....hey Taka......... I forgot I invited high tide

Taka: I was good to see you too. You look............ Uh

Neta:.............

Taka: I guess you stuck to the normal look huh... I like the glasses.....heheh..you look great heheheh . Man you let yourself go holy shit

Ikkan:ok that's it SECURITY!

Neta:.............. .. I'm going to get some air

Ikkan: I'll come with you.

_______________________________________________

Mahi and @fish-at-fish-fish-resort and gonna beat the shit out of taka after the party

[alienheartattack]

I'll always have a crapton of problems with the ending (esp as a rm shipper who also kept loving eren), but snk finally ending-ending got me in my feels regardless. So i just wanted to express some appreciation, not only for your beautiful fix-it fic (levi and his mom!! mikasa protecting armin!! queen ymir the wise!! ), but for all your rm works. for loving this ship and for sharing your talent with us. for still being here, despite it all. for your shitposts and regular posts. you're a real one, alien, a wonderful, generous writer and just overall so hugely inspiring. we've always been so lucky to have you. thank you so much!

Thank you, anon! This is probably the nicest message I've ever gotten. I really am in my feels about SNK ending for real, even though my feelings on the series are very mixed, being a part of this fandom has genuinely changed my life. I've made so many friends around the world, I've rediscovered my love for writing, I've created so many things and had so much fun being an unhinged fangirl with all of you. It's also wild to look back on the last 9 years, where I started at 27 and where I am now at 36, and how much I have developed as a person and as an artist thanks to the work I did for this fandom and the people I made that work for.

Even though the story of SNK was pretty disappointing in the end (and MAPPA is on my eternal shitlist for excluding basically every RM crumb), it was the journey and the people we spent it with that made it great. I could not have done what I did without your support and the support of everyone else in the ship, all the kudos, comments, likes, reblogs, and messages. I couldn't have chosen a better group of people to go insane over the Ackermans with.

I will say, having watched the last episode and having had a few hours to think about it, I do think it was a vast improvement over the manga and I see more of what Yams was trying to get at. I still disagree with a lot of the choices made and I think he told the story ineffectively because we needed to see the female characters interacting rather than Eren and Armin talking about it, and we needed to see more development of the character's emotions towards each other, especially with regard to the romantic aspects of the story. A lot of us got into SNK because there were non-sexualized female characters that were given weight and interesting storylines, and ultimately this was the downfall of the series because the narrative didn't give almost all of these women the attention they deserved, Mikasa in particular.

I hope people stick around even though the series is over, or maybe we'll find a new ship together. I highly recommend joining the Rivamika Discord if you haven't already for chaotic, delulu fun and a great group of people. RM has always been a space where we encouraged each other and held together because it's such a small ship, and I'm so happy that we managed to cultivate a ship with so many nice, kind people, with only a small handful of bad apples who largely stay out of the way of the people who are just here to have fun. I'm glad that I could contribute to that, and I hope that I was able to provide some excitement or relief or comfort to people who needed it, or who just wanted to read some Ackersmut. I hope all of you had as much fun as I did.