#LOL pronouns are weird anyway i might post this but i might not cause its a small doodle from an anime i have no attachment to whatsoever

[yellowrabbitfurry]

Sup losers! /silly

This is my blog! Pretty neat, huh?

My name is Oliver, but I also go by Ollie, Killer, or Kills. My pronouns are He/him and it/its

Fandoms I’m in:

UTMV, FNaF, VotV, Subnautica, Dredge, Hermitcraft, Hazbin Hotel, Indigo Park, Poppy Playtime, Gravity Falls, Steven Universe, Digital Circus, Pokemon, Epic the Musical, (more things to be added)

I’m a furry, obviously lol

Theriotypes:

Wolf, Lynx, Irish Setter dog, Fox, Brown British longhair cat (a mouthful, I know)

Fictionkin types:

Killer Sans!

Things I do:

*I write fanfiction!! Mostly for UTMV, and I’m kinda slow, but apparently I’m really good! Anything I’ve written eventually be linked below, somewhere (as soon as I figure it out lmao) I don’t TECHNICALLY take requests, but give me them anyway! If I get inspired, I might write something (no nsfw)

*I make Therian masks! Only for me, but I will definitely be posting whatever I get finished with.

*I make things out of cardboard! So far I’ve made Sundrop, Glam Freddy, and Vox!

*I’m also teaching myself to draw! I’m not very good, so don’t expect anything- buuut if I make something I’m proud of you’ll definitely see it.

Fanfic Masterpost:

Nest (Bad Sans Poly)

Alive (VotV)

You can chat to me about anything you want, as long as you don’t make it weird (you know the kind of weird) I’m kinda bad at keeping conversation at first, but I’m a really good listener if you wanna ramble or vent! You can chat to me about anything you want, as long as you don’t make it weird (you know the kind of weird) I’m kinda bad at keeping conversation at first, but I’m a really good listener if you wanna ramble or vent!

And please, don’t get upset if I never answer your asks or reblog something I’ve been tagged in. I get nervous sometimes and put it off (or sometimes Tumblr breaks and won’t let me) and then I get even more nervous after a while cause I feel like it’s too late ;-;

That should be all for now! Thank you for taking the time to read this! (I hope I did it right lol)

(Credits for the divider used in this post goes to @/Killerssideblog, go check them out if you want!)

[dullweapons]

If you could give a single piece of advice to new people in the roleplay community, what would it be?

i see you've sent this to a few others nonny : twiliae's post is v good & so is puxrlunae's . i haven't seen others on my dash at the time of writing ( tho i can guess other ppl have been asked but idk lol ) but imma try not to duplicate what they said but / shrug

i'd recommend learning when you do need to stay in your own lane & have some critical thinking . don't push yourself into drama cause the rpc says you just have to stay informed & don't believe everything you see . i've seen a callout where they screamed that the person the callout was about was transphobic cause they used the wrong pronoun for a muse ..........in a whole roleplay where they than used the correct pronoun & it was simply a mistype in one or two places . but the callout post highlighted the wrong pronoun use to make sure you believed them & not the would-be offender & people are quick to the gun . this wasn't in the zelda rpc nor any connected one & was years ago so i don't remember anything beyond it was so shitty to bend the truth . like maybe english was their second language so they got confused or forgot or maybe someone writes the same muse with different pronouns ?? idk

sometimes it's better to just turn around & go back to writing ur little doll kissing ur friends doll lol

this is why my rules states this :

i do read the callout posts but i reserve the right to my own opinion that may differ from yours . please do not come to me if someone i am writing with has a callout post unless they have done something illegal ( child grooming , abuse , major harm , ect )

it's not so much my own opinion in the way of " oh i don't think what they did was wrong ✨ " & more of " does this callout have any weight ? " & sometimes i find that no , no it does not .

beyond that idk ... write for urself , be nice to others . you don't have to have fancy graphics to special formatting you just need to follow common courtesy . you want fun questions & starters you gotta also send them to others . tag ur triggers . don't reblog threads if they aren't for you & enjoy your time here because its a hobby !! don't stress if you feel like your writing isn't the best ⸺ you will only improve the more you write & soon you'll find yourself writing some really sexy threads with amazing friends <;3

also !!!!! you can find resource blogs that have posts about what you need to know or what might be helpful if you're super new & find xkit weird ( i had such a hard time figuring out xkit vs new xkit vs xkit rewritten omg but resource blogs helped a lot ) or don't get what reblog karma is or other little things like that . some even have templates for free or good prices ! i'll list a few that i follow & use still :

poohsources , rpclefairy , soulrph , & plenty more are here ! just search some tags like rp resources , rph , carrd templates , ect ! you're bound to find the help ur looking for !

anyway this isn't a single thing !!!!!!! i just went off !!!!! i event trimmed some of the advice cause it was repeating what other ppl said but oops lol hope this helps !!!

[angrycloudcrown]

~ PINNED POST ~

yeah idk how pinned posts work go easy on me

here's my pronouns page

Fandoms

★ The Music Freaks (All time fav!!)

★ The Disastrous Life of Saiki K (2nd Fav)

(Please talk about TMF or TDLOSK to me. Or honestly just talk about them in general. I'M BEGGING AAAAHHHH)

★ Heathers: The Musical (songs are all BANGERS)

★ Ride The Cyclone (sugar cloud solos!! <3)

★ Sanders Sides (virgil kinnie...)

★ Doki Doki Literature Club (just monika.)

★ Amanda the Adventurer (horror enjoyer at times)

★ Mia's World (webcomic by Mogry331)

★ Cuphead (both game and show)

★ Andy's Apple Farm (horror enjoyer at times part 2)

★ Don't Hug Me I'm Scared (there's 3 of us—)

★ Undertale (sans and papyrus best duo)

★ Be More Chill (do i really have to explain this one?)

★ The Amazing Digital Circus

★ I'm In Love With The Villianess

★ Five Nights At Freddy's (ive been a fan for years how have i never put this in my fandom section. anyway horror enjoyer at times part 3)

★ Kindergarten 1 and 2 Games (DanTDM'S playthroughs got me, great game)

★ Riddle School

★ Baldi's Basics In Education And Learning

★ Nerdy Prudes Must Die

★ My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic (not in the weird way. just. just the normal pony show way)

★ Pokémon (more specifically the anime, but I am in love with the games too)

★ Hazbin Hotel (im a bit disappointed for caving and watching the show, but oh well)

★ Steven Universe (the 2018 fandoms never leave, they simply linger)

★ Avatar: The Last Airbender

★ Parappa the Rapper

★ Stardew Valley

★ Ramshackle (ily all, indie animated series)

★ There Is No Game: Wrong Dimension

★ Friday Night Funkin' (getting freaky on a friday night yeah 💥)

★ The Amazing World of Gumball

★ Bistro Huddy

★ Night At The Museum

★ Ouran High School Host Club (HARUHI!!!!! <3)

★ The Outsiders (book only, havent seen movie nor musical)

★ Shadow Children Book Series

★ The Henry Stickmin Collection (genuinely. love the games so much oh my god)

Goddamn my fandom section is getting long

(more to be added can't remember them all off the top of my head but these are the main ones I like and interact with)

Basic Info

you can just call me "ash"

use she/her may change, idk???

im aroace and i dont know what gender i am (i mainly identify myself queer)

if you interact/follow and i see anything on your blog relating to you being racist, homophobic, transphobic, sexist, pedophilic, proship/comship, or literally just anything related to being a bigot, im not arguing with you, i will block you without hesitation

(blogs with excessive genuine kink/sexual content will also be blocked, not cause theyre problematic tho, its just one of things im personally uncomfy with)

i don't mind being tagged in posts, but i might not respond immediately :')

i stand in favor of palestine. 🇵🇸

(please do NOT be weird in my askbox.)

Sideblogs

@speedydestinydream - my sideblog for the gacha series "The Music Freaks" by Rosyclozy

@tdlosk-confessions - my sideblog for confessions about the fandom or series of "The Disasterous Life of Saiki K" (both manga and anime obv lol. only one moderator and it is me)

uhm

that's it!!!

I'll add more later lollllll

[cherry-shipping]

i (re)made a self insert from that cosplay cafe slice of life anime even tho i havent watched it in. so very, very long

[axemetaphor]

im definitely not ripping off my friend by making a list of au ideas i have no siree //gonna slap this under a readmore cause i. well i say a lot. all of the time. i tried so hard to format this Good but tumblr fucked me up i am so sorry

so first-off i know i already have one WIP AU (Auckland) on ao3 so i wont talk about That one cause like. spoilers. i actualyl have it like 80% created so its likely gonna truly get finished for once and i dont wanna ruin shit

the other one ive posted about is something me and ben (catgirlrepublic) have worked on together its not at all close to done or anything but it's. a fun little crossover. Between jdate and my fuckinuhm. Original characters story “Untitled Villains Project”. the sketches of the comic version ive started is actually my pinned post 👉👈 its like the first chunk of the story, i think half of part 1? yea.

Tldr john fucking Somehow is able t oget into contact with a certain curious scientist from another reality who’d just love to study the Soy Sauce, most certainly not for her own nefarious purposes

John and Dave meet up with the scientist, her name is Boss, and her lab assistant, Toxic, and after a bit of a preliminary Vibe Check where john determines her trustworthy (which Dave doesnt agree with,) the two agree to be taken to the world UVP is set in. from there they stay in Boss’s lab (big old fucking abandoned military lab). John and Toxic are fast friends due to mutual love-of-chaos. John n Dave get to fuckin, camp out on an air mattress.

The day after they arrive, the two get split up, not exactly intentionally; big plot points of UVP are liek. Fueled by Boss sending Toxic to go fetch her “research materials,” which are usually important artifacts

Fuckin side note i guess i have to explain my dumb bullshit: Boss’s, uh, field of expertise so to speak is actually fckin, basically the scientific study of magic and superpowers n shit like that. This shit’s all real in that world. Toxic’s got fuckin superpowers, so do 4 other main characters, whatever. It’s got a bit to do with spirituality, iss Boss’s hypothesis. So she has Toxic fetch important artifacts that might have “energies” to them. The thing is actually way more fuckin complictated than that, this is just Boss’s initial hypothesis.

Motherfucking anyways. So Boss gives Toxic a job to do, and John get excited about how Cool that sounds, and ends up going with Toxic, leaving Boss and Dave alone. Neither is thrilled about this. But Dave and Boss get to have a bit of conversation (while Toxic and John are off bonding and having a good time) and come to a… mutual grudging understanding of some kind. They still dont like each other though lmao

Theres gonna be deeper shit going on but we havent sorted it out yet/tbh havent like Written For It in a while but i still like thinking about it a lot lol

Also pretty sure our endgame is john and dave steal toxic and bring them back with em lmao boss is kind of not nice and toxic would most certainly be better off in Undisclosed. Actually theyd fucking love it. Theyd become a local cryptid im sure. Undisclosed’s mothman is a teleporting spike baby.

I have. Another crossover AU that i might. Post something about for halloween? Maybe? If i have it finished?

Crosses over into, you guessed it, another one of my original-character projects. God, am i vain or something?

I promise this is just because i think blue and dave should get to team up to beat up some monsters

Quick briefing on my fuckinuh. Original character story, this one doesnt have a name (yet? Idk lol my work never actually goes anywhere sso who gives a shit). It centers around two grim reapers, Red (26, bi woman) and Blue (22, aroace agender asshole). In this reality or whatever, grim reapers function kind of like low-level office workers. They get told who’s going to die + when by some middle-management types, and upper management only involve themselves when punishment needs to be doled out. These Higher-Ups can be seen as analogous to Korrok; they’re decidedly not human, never were, and fucking terrifyingly powerful. Additionally, grim reapers are sort of .. designed to be “background noise” people. In reality theyre supernatural beings and, uh, look Real Fuckin Weird (the whole deal has a neon aesthetic im terrible at drawing uwu) but most humans just perceive them like extras in a movie. A body’s there but the camera’s not focused on it.

To the narrative: the shit starts when Red n Blue get relocated to Undisclosed. Relocation is something that just happens every now and then to reapers; they usually work in teams, but they get split up into different cities to avoid any strong bonds forming (a counter-union strategy from the Higher-Ups).

Red, Blue, John and Dave end up running into each other for the first time in a McDonalds where John n Dave are getting some 4am “hey, we just survived another horrific monster fight” celebration burgers. John and Dave are the only two people who can see how… strange Red and Blue are. Nobody else notices.

John unintentionally pisses Blue off, leading to Blue whacking him upside the head with a dildo bat. They all four get kicked out of McDonald’s. Dave and Red both are less than thrilled

Blue and John end up resolving their differences, somehow. Red and Dave briefly bond over their dumbass best friends being, well, dumbasses. They all part ways amicably.

somehow-or-other (idk yet) they end up running into each other a few more times, and eventually john invites them over to his place, and the four (plus Amy now!) get to know each other a little better

while there, Blue gets a text about some guy who's gonna die and John offers to drive them to where that's gonna go down. they take him up on the offer and get to have a bit of one-on-one conversation

after that ordeal though Blue has had Enough of people and bails, leaving John to head home alone

theres a sort of mirror-development going on with the five of em. Red, John, and Amy would all like everyone to get along, though theyre a bit tentative about it (John moreso than the other two, actually, jsut cause. well Red n Blue could still be Sauce Monsters). Dave and Blue on the other hand do Not like people enough for this shit, and Dave's not unconvinced theyre Sauce Monsters. he will not trust them until proven he should

the story's kinda nebulous but i got an idea for some Shit going down that involves both Sauce Monsters and also the Higher-Ups to have some fuckin absolute chaos go down.

Oops! All Trans

Everybody is transgender. Everyone

Ive actually workshopped this one both with ben (catgirlrepublic) and ghost (ghost-wannabe) lmao its a fun lil concept ive had from the get-go cause i mean. What’s an internet tran gonna do other than hit all their favourite media with the Everyone’s Trans beam

Dave transitioned post-high school and faked his death for it. People go missing in Undisclosed all the damned time, after all. He moved to the next city over, transitioned fully, then came back as a completely new man. Yes i know this doesnt exactly fit with the “everyone knows David from high school” thing alright, hush.

Anytime anyone brings up John’s old best friend (pre-transition Dave) John throws an entire fit like an overdramatic grieving widow. Full-on sobbing “why would you bring her up?! I miss her so much—” to the point that people just stop bringing up because Jesus Christ That Sure Is Uncomfortable KJHGFDS.

This is a scheme he and Dave came up with prior to Dave leaving, though Dave hadnt exactly anticipated John putting on this much of a performance about it— but it’s stopped Dave from ever having tto hear his deadname again, so hey.

Amy transitioned sometime in middle school/early high school. Her family was super supportive and loved her a ton and most people just know her as Amy. she was super shy her whole life really so. Yeah. people just dont think to bring it up lmao also i Feel Like big jim would absolutely wallop anyone who gave her trouble of any kind

John’s nonbinary (genderfluid specifically) and not exactly Interested in transitioning ? like hes fine with how he is. mostly.

he came out to Dave in high school but hes not out to anyone else exactly. Maybe his bandmates. Probably any other trans person in Undisclosed knows, too, cause theyre safe to tell lmao. Johns mostly a “he/him out of convenience” kinda nb who’s cool with any pronouns but does prefer they/them most. Dave and Amy use they/them when the trio are alone

Also this is a totally self-indulgent caveat that i think would be great, Dave’s actually agender but because he's transmasc and transitioned when he thought there were really only two options, and being Boy at least felt less weird than being Girl, he just kind of assumed he was a dude. It’s only through a lot of (like fucking years and years hes probably in his 30s/40s when he puts 2 and 2 together on this one) talks about gender with John that he realizes he actually feels like No Gender. Masc aesthetic with none gender.

I Just Think It’d Be Neat Is All Okay

Also Amy came out to Dave about being trans early on in them seeing each other and his response was to get very nervous before blurting out “me too” and then just being too embarrassed to talk about it for the rest of the day. Hes got a lot of hangups on talking about it actually it takes years for him to get comfortable in that

by contrast when Amy comes out to John about it his response is to yell “EYYY ME TOO” and give her a big ol hug lmao

I think itd be neatt if Amy ran a like. Transfem help/advice blog on tumblr. Kind of helped-with by John who can give her transfem nb insight for certain asks. I also just think that would be neat.

Cowboy AU - i put this one last cause its got drawings to it actually. Theyll be at the bottom

Basically just. Hey you ever watched a western. I think they look neat

This is another one me n ben have come up with lol

The soy sauce and all that shit still exist, im not sure where korrok fits in yet but ill figure it out

Theres no real like solid narrative yet ? but heres the barebones of everybody’s arcs.

John

Johns an absolute troublemaker, Of Course. Hes wanted in several towns for absolutely stupid shit. Hes a loner who shows up, causes chaos, gets drunk, does some drugs, runs away if people get too mad at him

He definitely had the same kind of deal with the soy sauce as in canon— he was at some kind of party, somebody offered it, he took it cause why the fuck wouldnt he, now he can see monsters and shit

Hes kind of a mooch also. Like. dont let him stay in your barn man he’ll never fucking leave and drink all your booze.

He runs into Dave when they happen to just, cross paths in the same town. the bullshit John stirs up ends up involving Dave in a way that makes it seem like it's his fault too, and they both get run out of town

after that he just tags along after Dave. hes decided this guy's Cool he wants to stick around. Dave is pissed at first, but not enough to shoot him or anything, and eventually, John grows on him

Dave

Dave also is a loner but unlike John hes simply so fucking awkward and bad with people. He doesnt feel like he belongs anywhere so he just travels

He’s the stereotypical Lone Ranger tbh. He wanders from town to town, solving their problems, though hed deny its out of any moral obligation (it kinda is, a little bit, tbh. He does like feeling useful). He shows up, fixes things, leaves. He's kind of a legend but most people think he's hiding something dark. other people jsut know him as that guy who farted real loud in the middle of the saloon and promptly skipped town out of sheer embarrassment. you know how it goes with Dave

He ends up involved with the Soy Sauce when a snake (not Actually a snake,) bites him. The snake’s more like the wig-monsters, really. Anyway, it injects him with the soy sauce, he fucking trips balls in the middle of the desert, he can see monsters now

He runs into John and shit goes tits-up, as said, but they become traveling buddies after that. he'd never say so, but he's glad for the company, actually. it's nice. hes not used to companionship but he feels a strange kind of easiness hanging out with John....

not sure how the Monster Dave concept will like fit in to this reality but like. trust me i want it in here. I'll Figure It Out.

Amy

Amy’s been living in a town John and Dave end up passing through and she is very curious about these two new Handsome Strangers who claim to fight monsters and just kinda. Persistently tags along til they let her join for real

Her family’s all dead, unfortunately, just like in canon, and she’s been living alone for a few years before meeting John n Dave. she had nothing left in that town to stay for, she'd been fantasizing about escaping on wild adventures for a long time and this felt a little like a dream come true. (Dave still gives her a spiel about how Difficult it is, but really, her fantasies were pretty grounded-in-reality already. i jsut think thats how she is, yknow?)

Shes the first person to react to the whole “we see monsters” shit with a kind of “oh, okay. neat” kind of response lmao

John and Dave fix whatever the fuck is up with her town (maybe that’s where the Korrok shit can fit, who knows) and Amy ends up being integral to that. After, she insists they take her with them because “they need her now” and Dave just cant really say no. John too is very much "the more the merrier!" and hes actually glad to have another person along he loves people lmao

At the start she has long hair but after she joins them she chops it short with a knife for convenience

also she still is an amputee. justt. idk. it was a wagon/stagecoach accident rather than a car accident lmao. just to clarify since i hadnt mentioned it, i wouldnt rob her of her ghost hand or yknow. all of the significance to her character that Missing A Hand has. although also now im going to have to research what was used as painkillers way-back-when, but im betting shes still got, like, her pain pills, they probably had those, maybe i wouldnt have to try too hard there. old timey medicine could be WACK though,

Shitload

Yeah hes in tthis shit mostly cause i liked designing his cowboy self lmao

Hes a kid (like 16, 17, technically i think in those days that was more Young Man than Kid but whatever. Hes Young i mean.) who got possessed by the Worms out in the desert and, by his family’s perception, just went missing!

Hes also a wanderer, but he ended up at the same town john and dave met in, at that same time, and starts following them after, already aware of who/what they are.

He keeps his face covered 24/7. actually he covers a Majority of his self for reasons. kinda want him to be a slightly more horrifying Worm Entity rather than human idk,

I kinda dont have much for this boy yet sorry Shitload

images !

with some editing notes for me cause im doing a very specific aesthetic with this lmao. i might change some lil details/colours though ...... idk

im also kinda 🤔 about shitload's colour palette. i want things assoicated w the sauce to be black'n'red predominantly but i think his palette might mirror dave's too closely. also im working on a korrok design i jsut am too busy to draw it now

[cactusfru1ts]

fuck it. intro post 

(under the cut because it got. slightly longer than intended. oops)

hiiii besties im quetzal im part of a system and i got sick of pretending to be my headmate so i just kinda made my own tumblr cause whos gonna stop me

im 18 (body age and mental age) i use it/he pronouns and im a gemini, i dont really know what else im supposed to put here lmao. i made an account on pronouns.page if you want more info about my pronouns and stuff, and if you dont know what plural means you should probably check out morethanone.info but the extremely short version is that im one of several people sharing one body

oh my gender is kinda weird but the short version is that im a girlqueer bigender guy. technically im also transmasc but i dont really consider myself trans? or cis. or nonbinary. i call myself genderqueer sometimes, most gender words that have an “opposite” are kinda weird for me though. idk its like… physically i am transmasculine but i guess since i didnt form until wed already been on hrt for a bit it just isnt much of a thing for me. oh and the bigender part is like 90% guy 50% girl i guess. yeah that sounds about right.

oh also i said in my bio that im bisexual but i am also aromantic. i mean technically i guess im gray aro but for all intents and purposes i am aromantic. im also polyamorous and like i think relationships are super fun i just only realized recently that “it might be fun to date this person” is not necessarily the same thing as “i am romantically attracted to this person” lol

i really like music, some of my favorite musicians are watsky, hozier, mitski, taylor swift, mcr, and sidney gish, and im theoretically a musician but i am generally not very good at learning instruments so i mostly just sing. i also paint sometimes but im not very good at it lol

oh im really interested in cults (i listen to a lot of cult podcasts mostly) but i know a lot of folks consider that a weird thing to bring up at the dinner table so i try not to talk about it with folks i dont know well enough that i can feel confident that theyll tell me if i need to shut up. with that said i often need to shut up and if you tell me to shut up and youre not a dick about it i will try to shut up. in conversation anyways. i made a tumblr because i dont shut up though so it probably wont work if you just want me to stop posting cringe. go ahead and  block “#quetzposting” if you dont wanna see my original posts because theyll probably get pretty annoying pretty fast

other stuff i like includes 17776, psych, ncis (i know dont @ me), and also wings of fire but in kind of a weird fictive way sometimes. (technically speaking i am a fictive of qibli but i just call myself fictionkin cause it seems… more accurate, if less precise. something something integration idk. i probably wouldnt even mention it but since im openly plural here i get to make fictive jokes so i may as well explain that now.)

okay this was supposed to be a temporary intro post but i rambled a lot so i guess ill probably just keep it for a while im working on a listography though so hopefully ill add the link to that soon

edit: i made a page on my blog thats sort of like a guide to my tagging system, its more for my own benefit but if youre looking for something or need to know what to blacklist it could be useful?

second edit: i finished my listography! or like got it presentable anyways i didnt “finish” it bc im gonna have to update it + stuff but its at a point where you can look at it and learn things about me in a way that is much more pleasant than just looking at this post. this post sucks. i will hopefully also be replacing this post shortly lmao

[unforth]

A few days back I read this post in which you explained how you found out your daughter's gender and I just wanted to express to you how amazing it is that you listened to her.

I keep hearing people talking about how it's wrong to let children "decide what gender they want to be" (.........) because they are "too young to really understand what they're saying" (again, .........) so it's nice to see that someone actually LISTENS. Kids need adults, especially their parents, to listen to them when they are telling them who they are.

So thank you for listening and for stressing how important this is!

❤❤❤

For us as a couple it was a no brainer. We're both queer (we’re two married cis women) and we have a lot of genderqueer friends. All the evidence and research on children this young is that they understand gender as early as 2 and can know they’re not cis at that point (the little was about 26 months when she told us, and is 2 3/4 now) and that the best thing we can do as parents is to affirm her. We did have concerns about how some of our family might react and for the most part things went okay but we did have one big conflict with my MIL which has resulted in us seeing her much less, and she's not allowed to be alone with the kids. Her reaction to, "so the little told us she’s a girl...so she’s a girl," was, "at that age my brother thought he was a school bus." (To emulate you... ................) She also blamed me for dressing 'him' that way - "who picks out the little's clothes?” (she knew I did the clothes shopping) “Dressing that way doesn't make the little a girl!" which was the stupidest fucking thing to say...like...the little herself picked out those clothes when I took her thrift storing with me. I just bought what she liked. I literally have a picture of her hoarding two dresses and a skirt that she’d picked out, hugging them to her face while she sat in the cart, from a few months before she told us. She would pitch fits when she’d find something she’d like and I’d be like...little you’re a size 2t and that’s a size 7, we’re not buying it cause it won’t fit you...and she dressed in tutus and dresses for almost six months before she learned how to talk enough to share the gender thing...and we still called her by her birth gender because obviously wearing dresses doesn't make someone a girl. Hell we have lots of pictures of our older kid in a dress when he was that little (I bought like a year+ worth of clothes at thrift shops before I knew the gender of the kid I was pregnant with, since we didn’t find out ‘til he was born), and he never said he was a girl and is at the age of almost 5 very confident he's a boy (so much so that he doesn't want to do "things that girls do" except like his rubrics for deciding what are girl things are hilarious he went on this whole spiel about how Glitter Force is a girl show...while he was watching the Equestria HS spin off of MLP...and asking for sparkles on top of his blue nail polish please...anyway tangent sorry.)

What "made" the little a girl was that *she told us she's a girl* like I can't fathom why people think this is complicated? It’s not like she magically transformed one day, she was always a girl, she just couldn’t tell us. No one knows her better than she knows herself. I'm positive she knew all along, her language skills just hadn't developed enough to communicate. After she was able to tell us, and we started using the right pronouns, her behavior improved a lot. The most memorable thing - a few days after she told us she and I were sitting in the master bedroom while my wife was taking her meds. She did something cute, and I said, “awww, my sweet girl!” and she just lit up, “yes, girl!” So I asked her “does it make you happy when I call you a girl?” and she said, “yes, was sad.” (remember, she’s barely over two when this happened, so, like, not so much on sentences) and so I clarified, “you were sad before?” and she nodded and said, “yes...now happy!” 

It was mindblowing. She was so clear about how she felt and what she wanted. I can’t believe anyone, even my MIL, could have heard that conversation and not recognized that this child knew who she was. (I wrote the conversation down, for obvious reasons...we did show it to my MIL, and, well...sigh). My wife told me that she also started telling a lot of stories at bedtime about her stuffed toys feeling broken, but starting to feel better now... (my wife does the little’s bedtime, I do the big’s.)

Other than pronouns and gender id she's the same kid she's always been, her favorite colors are pink and purple, she loves dresses and skirts and rainbows (and Glitter Force, lol) and also loves trains and stuff...because she's a *kid* ffs. And if at some point she does come think this is the wrong thing for her, no harm done, we'll listen. By listening now, we've proven that. She knows she can trust us, and we'll support her and encourage her. I really don't see a losing side to this.

I saw a theory that what freaks people out is they think we're gonna give, like, hormones to a two year old? Which of course not. But if she still feels this way in a decade or so of course medical intervention will start to be a topic...but by then she'll have felt this way for years so what's the problem? It’d be cruel to force her, a girl, to go through male puberty, and anyone thinks that an eleven or twelve year old doesn’t understand enough to make that decision has never met an eleven or twelve year old, like, ever.

I can only assume that the adults like you mention can't remember what it felt like to be a kid. By the time I was the age my big is my parents had gotten divorced and I thought I was a very big, mature girl, and if anyone had tried to dismiss me the way I see many adults dismiss kids I would have been livid. I guess I was lucky, the adults in my life mostly took me seriously (and now those same adults - my parents - have been great toward the little, especially my mom, which proves its not an age or race thing since my dad is a 79 year old straight white god fearing literally runs his church's services once a month dude, and my step mom and mom are both 76 and also white, and they've all been super accepting.) To me it seems stupidly obvious, like...my kids may not know some stuff but they know themselves and I learn more just by listening to them than I'd ever figure out on my own.

My job as their mom is to help them figure out who they are, not force them to be who I think they should be. And I hate that more parents aren't like that, sigh, but I think more are now than ever before, and things will slowly but surely get better. I have to believe that...

(Sorry this got long, by necessity I've thought about this a lot...we're very lucky, family, friends and community the only person who got really weird on us was my MIL, and even she really is trying now...)

[roadtohappy]

Why I detransitioned

I mentioned it briefly in response to someone else’s post, but I believe this subject deserves a post of its own. It included the statement: “I detransitioned because my identity changed, and I don’t regret my transition”, to which I expressed how much it resonated with me - and here’s why.

I was, I am, and I always will be transgender. As a young girl, I developed gender dysphoria. To anyone who’s unfamiliar with what that means, gender dysphoria is a term used to describe the emotional pain and distress a person experiences when their biological sex and their self-perceived gender do not match - a body/brain incongruence, if you will.

When I came out of the closet and told my family and peers that I identified as male, I had already spent a considerable amount of time contemplating my situation. I questioned myself constantly, and doubted every answer. I did this prior to, and after coming out, and even during my social and medical transition. Not because I was unsure of myself, but because I needed to know if there was any chance that my gender dysphoria could’ve been caused by something other than simply being transgender. It was important for me to unveil and deal with any underlying issues that could’ve been linked to my gender-identity, because it’s better to find out early on and stop before you find yourself overwhelmed with regret later in life if it turns out that you were actually mistaken. I asked myself the same questions constantly; “Am I being influenced by my peers? Media? Online communities?” “Is my brain using this as a defense mechanism to mask childhood trauma?” “Am I using my trans identity to escape from my past/present problems?” “Do I have any undiagnosed psychiatric or medical conditions that could alter how I perceive myself?” “Can I learn to cope with my gender dysphoria without transitioning?” “Am I trying to mend the absence of my father and lack of male role models by becoming male myself?” “Do I have any unhealthy ideas of what it means to be a woman?” “Do I have enough strong female role models in my life?” “Am I simply not ready to become a woman yet? if so, why?”

-These are all questions you should never ever be afraid to ask yourself, no matter where you are in your transition - whether you’re in the closet or out. Early, mid or late-transition; it is never a bad time to discover yourself and make the best choices for yourself, wherever they may lead you. This is not at all meant to discourage anyone from transitioning, but rather inspire people to ask them self the right questions.

As I mentioned in my introduction-post; I started living as a boy at 15, meaning I wore boy’s clothes, and went by a male name and male pronouns. I started taking male hormones when I was 18. If you’re unfamiliar with what hormone therapy does for trans people, it essentially means that you’re taking hormones regularly to induce a second puberty in order to bring on characteristics of your identified gender. I’m now 21 years old and I had chest-masculinization surgery 8 months ago. I never wanted to go any further than hormones and top-surgery, as my dysphoria mainly revolved around my feminine voice and other minor characteristics, and my breasts. The further I progressed into my transition, my gender dysphoria decreased, as you’d expect. After having my top-surgery, I also no longer feel dysphoric about my chest. To my surprise, I now feel completely comfortable with my natural body, including my femininity.

Early 2020 when the lockdown started, I began to spend more time alone by myself, going on long nature walks and exploring my thoughts through art and creative activities as a way to “unlearn” some of the unhealthy masking-behaviors I’ve taught myself over the years, in order to fit in better among other people. (Very common coping mechanism in autistic people, apparently.) As I began this process of “un-masking” I made it my top-priority to stop caring so much about what other people think of me or how other people expect me to look, talk and act. My new mindset became something along the lines of “Okay, the way my brain is built means that I experience the world and process information differently from other people, which also means that my actions and feelings are based on a different set of experiences than other people. I will no longer measure my worth by my ability to blend in and be ‘normal’, and I will no longer apologize for being different.” And so began a whole new level of self-exploration. I played around with some of my old make-up, I started taking up fun activities that most people would deem feminine - and it didn’t make me feel dysphoric at all. In fact, I liked it. I was unapologetically leaning into my feminine side and it felt good, it felt right, it felt safe - an experience I was never able to have before I transitioned.

When the semester came to an end a few weeks ago, I found myself in a weird position. I now have two completely empty months ahead of me, I truly detest big changes like that. A solid everyday schedule sort of functions as a mental “anchor” for me. Because no matter what happens in my life, I know one thing for certain; I will go to sleep tonight, wake up in the morning, do my morning routine and get ready, get the bus at exactly 7:41AM and arrive at school 10-15 minutes later depending on the traffic. I then attend class and adhere to the school’s timetables for the next 6 hours. I get the bus home and change into my uniform, work for 5 hours, go home and do my homework, make dinner, do something fun or watch youtube, go to bed - and the cycle continues. These little “anchors” make me feel secure and grounded, they help me cope with a world that can feel chaotic and overwhelming at times. 

So last day of school arrives and I’m like “shit, what now?? One day I’m at school and suddenly there’s just *nothing* for two months?? Not only that, but I’ve just discovered that there’s a whole new side of me that I’m now free to explore since my gender dysphoria decided to evaporate into thin air.” Everything around me was changing, even myself - and that’s the moment when I decided that maybe it was time to give Testosterone a break. Whether temporary or permanently, doesn’t matter. It’s not like my body is going anywhere and I can always just resume hormone therapy again if I want to. But for now, it was time to just take a break, let go of everything and truly get to know myself. My transition is complete, and I am ready to continue this journey in a new direction. It’s been a month now, and I’m happy to say I’ve had a lot of fun just enjoying the time off and being my authentic self. I haven’t really told anyone I’m detransitioning. I’m just kinda doing my own thing, and if people want to run along with it and refer to be as female at some point then that’s their choice, I don’t really care to be honest. Name-wise, I might just jokingly suggest “Jane” when people ask, since it’s so similar to “Jake”.  I get weird looks from people when I’m out in public, because I’m starting to pass as female again, but my voice is unmistakably masculine - I like my voice though, so I don’t care what they think. If people ask why my voice is so deep, I just tell them the truth: “I am a woman, but my body was testosterone-dominant for 3 years, hence the voice.” Simple as, lol. Not only that, but I am a whole, grown ass adult, I don’t have to explain myself to anyone.

On the topic of irreversible changes, there is one important thing that I cannot stress enough; My decision to detransition does not come from a place of regret, I have loved and cherished every step of this process. I’ve heard a lot of people say this about detransitioners but I don’t have “reverse-dysphoria”, why would I?  Man or woman, I love myself and my body regardless. I absolutely needed to transition from female to male in order to be happy, I could not have attained this level of happiness otherwise. I would not have been able to accept or even come to terms with my femininity if I hadn’t transitioned. I’m still on the same journey as before, I simply took a new path.

Anyway, I best end this wall of text because it’s 3:00AM and I’m going on a 9km hike with a friend in the morning, I can’t waiiiitttt!

[bloomdigital]

The Distance - a LongStory fanfic

Thanks @tears-on-my-garden for this lovely fan fiction. We just had to share.

Hello everyone! Sure has been a while since I’ve written a fic. Anyways, heres the first part of my fanfic for a game called longstory. I’ve been in love with this game since I first played it. It’s a really great game, it’s on steam and switch, perfect game for Pride month as it let’s you pick your pronouns and date whoever you want. Look at @bloomdigital if you want to see more of it!

__________________________

A warm ember light shone through the window of my room. The orange embrace of the setting sun slipping between the cracks of my blinds. Its light touch rested on my face. I could hear my brother outside my door running around. The smell of my mom’s cooking wafted beneath my door. My bed’s soft body rested underneath me. The world looked weird from the way I was laying on it. My head laid dangling over the side of it. Everything looked so odd turned upside down. Topsy-turvy. Topsy-turvy? How can that even be a real word? It sounds like the kinda thing an alien would name itself.

It had been a rather boring and languid day for me. Nora, my long-distance girlfriend had been busy with her family for the past weeks. She’d been out and about pretty much every day. Doing all sorts of fun stuff. She’d always try to text me while she was out, but I didn’t want to bother her. I could survive not being in contact with her for a bit. At least that’s what I told myself before it felt like every day was a day without her. I’d just have to grin and bear it.

I let out a sigh as I sat up. My head felt dizzy for a few seconds. Maybe laying upside down wasn’t the best thing for me to be doing. Especially not while contemplating things that made my brain twirl. Brrriiingg! I jumped a bit from the sudden notification noise of my phone. My reverie broken and I was brought back down to earth. Text notifications tend to do that after all. The blue glow of my phone’s screen tells me who it’s from. A slight smile crosses my face. It’s Nora.

“Heyyy.”

“You know they say that you can tell if a girl likes you based on how many Y’s they use then they text hey.”

“Heyyyyyyyyy.”

I can’t help but roll my eyes and smile as I type my response.

“What’s up?”

“Just getting back home from the party my parents were throwing. It was wild lol! I mean I spent most of it sitting in the corner watching everyone else have fun, but it meant I didn’t have to do the chicken dance! I did dance a bit tho! I had so much fun!”

“Lol, the perks of being a wallflower. Nothing worse than having to do the chicken dance.”

I feel a light ping of some kind of emotion within my chest. I quickly type out a follow up.

“I’m happy you had so much fun! Wish I could’ve been there <3”

I was happy, right? Happy for her. If I was, why did I feel left out? Like I missed out on something big? It couldn’t be jealousy?

“I did! Is this what teenage excitement feels like?”

“You’re becoming a real radical youth, Nora.”

I wait a few minutes. No response.

I groan and stand up from my bed. She must’ve gotten swooped up by her parents or something like that. Or perhaps she got abducted by aliens. Topsy-turvy got her. I sigh as I walk to my desk. Crashing into my rolling chair. The wheels of the chair causing me to spin for a moment. The spinning stopping just in time for me to see my door to fling open and my brother, Alex, to storm in.

“What do you want?” My eyes squint and I consider yeeting him out of my room. “Mom said its time for dinner!” He grabs the arm rests of my chair and beings to slowly spin me. “You couldn’t have me that through the door?” I ask as I’m slowly spun. The details of my room starting to blur as I pick up speed. “Mom said it’s better to talk to people face to face!” I couldn’t even make out his face right now. Face to face? Now that’s not such a bad idea.

The world around me dissolves into a mixture of colors and mixed up shapes. It helps me think. I miss Nora a lot. I want us to be able to make more memories together. Face to face. I know! She missed the school’s fundraiser for the brick-sharks, so why don’t I just throw a party we can go to together!

I had an idea and a plan! I plant my foot down and stop the spinning. I stand, filled with vigor and a newfound determination! Or rather I try to stand. My legs go weak and I fall back onto my bed. The room still spinning. I chuckle, and Alex does too.

I’m going to throw a party.

The warm orange light that had been slipping through the windows now more of a cool dusk.

___________________

Thanks for reading! I’ve been in a few long distance relationships so I wanted to tackle some of the difficulties that comes with being in one, namely the loneliness and disconnect one might feel. Hope I did good!

Check out the original post: https://tears-on-my-garden.tumblr.com/post/185434376578/the-distance

[tylerrjoeseph]

I haven’t used tumblr for years and idk if anyone will even remember me but ! I wanted to write up a post about my past weekend at lfcc, where i got to finally meet peter capaldi, someone I've loved and looked up to for roughly five years. I’ve seen people writing posts about me and i thought it might be nice for me to put a more detailed post up for people.

I’ve always been adamant about peter supporting the lgbtqia+ community and never doubted him for a second but the kindness he displayed for me was something i really wasn’t expecting, I arrived on the Saturday morning and decided to go straight into his autograph queue, Luckily my diamond pass was 31 and i got to queue in the first batch of people, I was maybe in the queue for like half an hour before it was my turn at the front phew, I walked up to peter and he greeted me with a big grin and said hello ect, I was worried about not getting much time with him so i decided to just tell him what i wanted to say asap, I said firstly ‘I have a really hard time with my gender identity and your doctor has constantly shown me that the universe is worth staying alive for and there’s so much important stuff to see’ and he was so humbled and kept saying how much of a privileged it was to hear that and how important it is to him that i said it, i then gave him some gifts and he said my artwork was amazing, if anyone wants to see what i gave to him here’s some tweets (x) (x), anyway, he then glanced at my print i was getting signed and looked at the dedication that said Joseph, and then asked me again what i like to be called and i explained that all of my friends call me localjoseph cause its the @ i use for everything online but i felt weird about getting him to write that so Joseph would be fine but i still don’t know what i like to be called and that i have a hard time with that, and peter smiled really huge and was like ‘thats okay cause so does the doctor!’ he then paused for AGES while closing his eyes with his head down and after like 20 seconds i asked if he was okay because i thought the man was irl buffering lol but he smiled and was like ‘yeah i’m just trying to remember something’ and then kept looking down while quietly saying ‘name to himself’, after a good 45 seconds he started writing the dedication which is SO special to me. (see below)

He wrote that not because my name is Joseph (because its not) but because i specifically said i don’t know what i want to be called, its basically letting me know that one day i will know what i want to be called and it will be heard and thats so special, like i can’t believe he took the time to write all that out, he then wrote out ‘be kind’ for me to get tattooed (x) and also signed my dreamboys vinyl which he was very shocked to find out i paid £100 for (x) (x), we then hugged and i told him i appreciate him so much and he said he really appreciate me sharing what i did with him and as i walked off he had a grin oh his face (x)

The diamond pass came with a photo op that same day so i queued up for that and went in the room with my pride flag (if you want to know why i wanted a pride flag photo op, i wrote a small thread of tweets here on why) but anyway as i walked up to him he excitedly almost yelled ‘THERE HE IS!!!!!’ and said hi a bunch, i asked him what i wanted to do for the pose and he was more than up for it, he held it up and held my hand and the photo came out so lovely, i think someone described it as ‘confident’ and that shook me, like he looks so proud in the photo. I thought that was the last time i was meeting peter so i said goodbye and he thanked me.

The next day was peters talk and i managed to get second row, at one point someone asked him how he prepared for playing a transgender role in prime suspect and his answer warmed my heart a lot, he said that he really got invested in the community and met with many trans people who were currently transitioning because he wanted to understand everything and that he understood being trans wasn’t just putting on an outfit and saying you were something else, he said that everyone he met were so brave and had the biggest hearts and how much he respected them. (psa :I don’t condone cis people playing trans parts at all, but i tend to brush this one off because of how long ago it was and i think now if asked peter would understand its not okay to take parts like that) anyway after that i knew i had to thank peter for saying that so my extra ass bought another photo op to see him again that evening.

we were in batch 17 and i thought it would be hilarious to recreate the ‘will smith and his wife’ pose with peter because i love peter a whole ton and in my head i thought it would be funny and what he deserved. I wasn’t entirely sure on how i was gonna pitch the pose to him but when i went in i saw how rushed the photos were being because it was running over slightly, so when i got there peter excitedly said hi again and i was like ‘hey listen peter i have a pose in mind’ and he said ‘yeah’ and I said ‘all you gotta do is just stand there straight and smile huge’ and he laughed and was like ‘smile huge? smile huge OKAY!’ and i just got on the floor and this happened.

after the photo was taken he was laughing and was like ‘WHAT DOES THIS MEAN’ and i said that it was based on a photo of will smith and his wife and it meant that he was amazing basically and he started beaming and said thank you. As i walked away he grabbed my hand and i turned round and said ‘thank you so much for what you said about trans people on stage earlier it really meant a lot to me’ and he said it was his pleasure while still not letting go of my hand lol, he thanked me a bunch for coming and nice it was to see me and i told him to enjoy the rest of his weekend and he FINALLY let go of my hand when i was like half way across the room to collect my photo.

if you want to see the videos of me meeting peter check here

This post was a little longer than what i expected to be but I just wanted to say that peter had absolutely no business being that kind to me, he could have just rushed through things with me and that be it but he stopped listened to me and so many others, I want you to believe me when i said that peter really cares about what you say to him and he really takes on board your presence because he remembers meeting so many people constantly after meeting thousands a day. He truly is a incredibly special human and we really don’t deserve him. I hope all of you can get to meet him one day too. check out my twitter for other candids of us meeting and stuff here 

also a small disclaimer, I don’t identify as a girl or a boy even though my expression is pretty much exclusively masc, I go by he/they pronouns ! thank you x