#LISTEN! this came to me during stressful period idk if it’s even funny but I made it and I’m inflicting it upon all of you

[chasingthewesternsun]

Mad we didn’t see thrawn in ep 3 but happy i got to finish my dumb comic (҂◡_◡) ᕤ

[taleofharrison]

Is it just me | Luke Hemmings

Summary: Luke and you have a beatiful relationship but somehow it goes south

Warnings: angst idk if pregnancy and babies count as warning but just in case .

Requested: No​

Word Count: 1568

A/N: I was listening to Backstreet Boys and I thought Is it just me? and The way it was were great songs to take prompts and write a story around them this will be part one based on is it just me just like the title says so enjoy. The link for the song is here.

MASTERLIST HERE

Your relationship with Luke had been a dream you couldn’t put into other words it was by far the best relationship you’ve ever had since day one, since you met. You felt happy safe and warm with him that’s why when he asked you to move in with him you said yes in a heartbeat imagining, believing, dreaming you’d felt that safeness that, happiness, that warm feeling 24/seven and for the first months it was.

The first couple months every morning you’d cuddle and have a lovely breakfast and quite a few times during the week you’d join Luke in the shower Luke didn’t care about getting to the studio late and neither did the boys since they knew he was in that honeymoon phase with you and they were happy for him.

The nights when he came home from the studio were late nights talking about your future together talking about growing old and stuff like that talks that would make you fall even more in love with him. Funny how something so simple, like a late-night talk, with the right would make you feel like that, like home.

You didn’t know when or how Luke started to drift away and your mornings were cut short like he was in a rush and your late-night talks you used to look forward to every day disappeared and you didn’t even notice. Were you overthinking? Maybe, but Luke barely talked to you anymore it was taking a toll on you, but you also didn’t want to give this relationship up since you’ve come such a long way.

One day, it was Luke’s free day from studio work meaning he could spend time with you and you were so excited to finally have your boyfriend for yourself for a whole day but you woke up to an empty bed and soft chords from a guitar coming from his at home studio.

“Luke it’s your free day come back to bed with me please” you softly said to him.

“Busy” was all he said giving you not even a glance.

“Luke we are going nowhere” you snapped. You just couldn’t take it anymore.

“Y/N, I’m working, and I don’t what are you talking about” he sighed clearly frustrated not dropping his guitar.

“It’s your free day Luke!” you reminded him “and you’re here locked not acknowledging my existence. You don’t live alone anymore.”

“Y/N we’re in the middle of an album” he snapped back clearly upset by your interruption.

“But today’s your free day Luke” you said as a matter of fact “it’s for you take a break, we used to talk about a future together and now I don’t know if we are going to make through the month.”

“And what do you want me to do?” he inquired “give up everything for you?”

“I never said that all I’m asking is for us to go back to the way it was” you cried almost begging him “it’s taking a big toll on me I want- I try to call you when it’s 2am and the bed feels empty without you, but it’s always your fucking voice mail.

“It’s you’ve fallen out of love” you whispered.

“Then why don’t you just leave?” he spoke again “if you can’t stand this anymore.”

“The last thing I wanted to do was to give up on us” you swallowed your tears “but I guess I’ll have to.”

That was the last time you spoke to Luke that day you left you’d be lying if you said you didn’t expect him to call you or to follow you through that door and it never happened you managed to move on with your life without him you didn’t know you were that strong.

You stayed with a friend, Chloe, you had to beg not to call Luke or to look for him since you didn’t want more drama or to be related to him you even cut ties with his friends which hurt you very much since you had found a family there.

It took months for Crystal and Kay Kay to find you again they were your friends and they missed you by then you had your own place.

“What are you doing here?” you said wearing an oversized hoodie.

“We missed you and we manage to find your new address with Chloe” Crystal said, “aren’t you going to let us in?”

You let them in and sat in the living room with them “This is a nice place.”

“Thank you” you smiled at Kay Kay’s comment. It was just a flat 3 bedrooms and enough place for at least 4 people to live in it.

“Luke told us you broke up, but we never thought you’d broke up with us too” Crystal said with a teasing tone and sad one too at the same time.

“He’s lost without you” Kay Kay added making you chuckle how ironic.

“Well, I guess since you’re so calmed, he must’ve told you that it was a mutual agreement or that I wanted it to be over.”

“It wasn’t like that?” Crystal inquired surprised.

You told them everything how everything went south up to the final fight.

“Unbelievable” Kay Kay muttered.

“There’s something more” you said and as if on cue your baby girl started crying again, just like clockwork after her afternoon nap. You went quickly to get her and sooth her.

“I found out I was pregnant like a week after I left Luke” you explained them “if my math is right, she was conceived like four months before the fight. The stress of trying to save my relationship and the sadness made me forget my period never came I was so distracted.”

“She looks just like Luke.” Crystal said, “how old is she?”

“5 months, her name’s Lara.”

“We have to tell Luke” they decided.

“No please we’re fine” you begged.

“Y/N, babe you can’t raise her on your own. Not now that we know how things ended” Crystal told you “we have to give him a piece of our mind.”

“Just let me tell her about Lara” you said closing your eyes knowing your friends wouldn’t listen “just let me do that give him my new address, please. Tell him to come around 3 while Lara is taking her nap.”

If you had to face him, you might as well do it now. After a couple of weeks Luke was standing outside your door.

“Hi” he softly said after you let him come in.

“Be quick” you said dryly.

“I’m sorry” Luke groaned after the words came out of his mouth “I had a whole speech ready and I know I’m sorry it’s not enough and it’s been almost a year since we las talked or saw each other. I was such an asshole.”

“Yeah, you were” you said with a dry laugh “I’m guessing Kay and Crystal were tough with you.”

“They yelled at me in front of the boys” you softly smiled at that “and then the guys yelled at me.”

“Why? How?” you were trying to find the right words “how did all that happened to us? We were so happy.”

“I-I got in my head subconsciously I thought that maybe you were going to fall out of love with me being away for most part of the year and after all those late nights at the studio so I thought might as well disconnect from you first” he explained “I hurt you so much doing that, and I realized I made the biggest mistake of my life like 10 seconds after you left”

The crying of Lara made the both of you forget all the conversation you’d been having “shit I thought she’d sleep through the afternoon” you thought but now he knew about her.

“Is that– is that baby yours?” Luke asked with hurt in his voice and eyes.

“And yours” you simply said making your way to her room and put her down again Luke behind you.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Luke whispered anger quickly growing in him “I could’ve helped you.”

“Luke you can yell at me as much as you want once we leave this room just let me soothe her” you pleaded. He agreed once he got a better look at Lara there was no doubt left, she was his daughter she looked just like him.

“When did you find out?” Luke asked once you left the room still upset “that you were pregnant.”

“About a week after I left” you told him.

“And you didn’t tell me” he scoffed “how old is she?”

“She’s 5 months and don’t you dare be angry at me” you scolded him.

“Wha- she’s my daughter and you decided to just go MIA with her” he snapped.

“No! You were ignoring me” you reminded him “you hurt my feelings and broke my heart you even told me that if I didn’t like that then I should leave and guess what Luke I did. I didn’t want you to treat our poor daughter like you treated me.”

“I know and I’m sorry” Luke sighed knowing you were right “It’s not enough I know that but if you’ll let me, I’d be glad to be part of your life again and part of hers too.”

“Okay” he smiled “we can co-parent with her but we are still on neutral territory”

[sarah-blue-eyes]

2020 In Review

Hoo boy, here we go.

[Ok just before I begin. I had this queued to post in the first month of January but it doesn’t seem like that ever happened haha. Better late than never I suppose!]

So I am a nostalgic bitch, and since 2011, have loved to make memory boxes for each year, where I put trinkets and memories into a shoebox. This year I have continued that tradition, but I have also kept track of my happy memories throughout 2020 in my planner. This was done with the intention for me to upload a year-in-review sort of thing in hopes that maybe like, 3 people max on this god-forsaken site will read it. This sort of reminiscence was inspired by my friend @a-lbeit​, who has done these for a few years now and me, as a slut for nostalgia, was encouraged to do the same back in January (I think? What even is my memory at this point?)

2020, as it has been for many, was a very shit year, and I am no different. I would safely say that this year has undeniably been the worst I have lived through. But I am here. I am present. And I have made it through some of the darkest times to face 2021 with a new sense of hopefulness. Keeping track of my happier memories has been something that has truly got me through this clusterfuck of a year, so I am glad that I can finally go through them all again and share them with you.

Read it, or don’t, I don’t give a shit what you do with your time, but if you do, I hope that you aren’t bored to tears. And I hope to keep myself accountable to continue to do this for years to come.

Buckle up, grab a hot drink and a snack and get comfy, because this is a JOURNEY.

January:

· Kicked the new year off with hosting a 1920’s themed party with some of my closest friends at my family home at the beach. Had fun with drunk SingStar, playing What Do You Meme, creating a playlist with everyone’s top 3 songs of the decade (it was a bangin’ playlist I must say), and just overall drinking too much and having a riotous time

· I remember going to the beach New Year’s Day (as is tradition in Australia) and playing ultimate frisbee in the shallows and completing a crossword puzzle on the sand (I am a 75-year-old woman, it is just a fact of life)

· I also had my friend Kirsten from South Australia stay with me for the New Year’s period and it was lovely to have a guest over! I haven’t spoken to her much this year, she sort of fell off the face of the planet, but I hope she is doing ok.

· Went town to Torquay (a beach town in Victoria) for the 6th time for Beach Mission, which is essentially a holiday program for kids in preschool-year 9 where we run activities for them. It’s a Christian-based program but the aim isn’t to convert the kids or anything like that, it’s more to show God’s love to them through our actions and how we as Christians live our lives. It’s also a convenient way for parents to dish their kids off for a few hours too haha. This was my final year of being a part of this program, and I am so pleased to have made so many memories and (hopefully) impacted many children’s lives during my time there

· I remember going on a late-night beach walk with my boyfriend Josh, talking about what the year had in store for us. We were just sitting on the beach, as you do, and I saw a shooting star. I can’t remember what I wished for (if anything) but in that moment, life was a dream.

· The week after beach mission I started at my new internship! It was for a place called KidsCo, who run school holiday programs at workplaces, so parents don’t need to take time off work to look after them. I helped with client relations and a lot of behind-the scenes stuff. I really loved it there

· On the very first day of my internship I remember there was torrential rain, and the train home was delayed by like, an hour or so lol

· One of the best parts about interning at KidsCo was that they were the official child-minding service for the Australian Open. I make an effort to go each year, but I was lucky enough to get free ground-entry for me and a guest for the duration of the event. I went quite a few times and got to take my mum and Josh along as well.

· Saw my only concert of the year, The Veronicas, at the Australian Open. When I say the moment the violin riff at the start of Untouched absolutely went the fuck off is an understatement. Grade 5 me would have cried (and 23 year old me did a little bit too tbh.) Yet another of one of my “all-time-favourite-songs” that I’ve had the pleasure of hearing live. (I also went through the year feeling sad that this was the first time in 11 years I hadn’t gone to a concert, but this one certainly fell through the cracks)

· Started planning my trip to the UK to see my twin sister, and best friend, Jess

· Went away to Rye for the Australia Day weekend #changethedate. An excellent time with excellent mates, and went to the beach pretty much every day and got mindlessly sloshed every night

· Listened to the Triple J Hottest 100. I think 4 of my picks made it in, which was pretty good

· Continued my job as the office manager/events coordinator at my church

February:

Basketball started back after the summer break for my two different teams, The Vikings and The Wildcats (honestly such a highlight of this year with how the rest of it ended up going)

As a team-bonding activity at KidsCo we hired a boat for a few hours and I got more drunk that I had been for a while. It was a very fun time jetting down the Yarra, waving drunkedly at the people jogging by

For Valentine’s day Josh and I had an indoor picnic with our favourite food! The weather was shit for Feb, hence the indoor nature of the picnic

Saw Shrek the Musical with two of my closest pals, Bec and Katie (I honestly forgot that this happened in 2020 hahaha) but it was ICONIC

Had a Jackbox night with The Boys

Had my cousin Amy from England over for dinner! I hadn’t seen her in 5 or 6 years, so it was so lovely to connect again like no time had passed at all

Went to Healesville Sanctuary, a lovely conservation park which focuses on preserving and educating its visitors about Australian animals, with Amy

 Went to mini-golf for a friend’s birthday on the leap day. He technically celebrated his 6th birthday which was excellent

Saw Cody Ko and Noel Miller live with Bec and Katie

Finished working at the church office to make room for the potential job opportunity at KidsCo

March:

Ahhh March, you shitstorm of a month. This is where everything started going downhill.

The first thing of note that happened this month was me injuring my ankle at basketball, which had me out of action for a few weeks. It was especially bad because I was nearing the end of my internship and was hoping to do my best work so that I would be chosen to stay on as an employee, but had to take a week or so off to rest my ankle. My ankle would continue to be tender and sore for most of the rest of the year

Went away for the Labour Day long weekend with the family

Finished up my internship at KidsCo. Honestly was lead to believe that I would be staying on as an employee and felt sort of betrayed after all the work I did for them, but whatever

 Had a party at Bec’s house to listen to Triple J’s Hottest 100 of the Decade. One of my favourite songs was number 1 which was a pleasant surprise

Went down to the holiday house for a few days just to have so me time and sort myself out

Animal Crossing New Horizons came out haha. Honestly was one of the highlights of this year though. I stayed up until midnight so I could download it as soon as it was available because that’s the sort of person I am  

Mum’s birthday dinner with Dani, one of my best friends, and her girlfriend Amy

Went for a hike at Sugarloaf Reservoir with Josh and got spooked by a mob of kangaroos

April:

My mental health started really taking a downward spiral this month for multiple reasons which I won’t get into here, but this is more a note to my past self to say that it will all be ok I guess? Idk I just felt like this needed to be here

Did my ankle badly again on Good Friday

Watched the Overwatch League live with my friends and just memed in the livechat lmao

WARNING - this is a bit TMI but I am going to share anyway since it was a big part of this year, and if you are reading this you are either a stranger or a good friend so I really don’t care lmao: This month I also started to get bad pains in my uterus, like, not period pains but deep, stabbing pains. This continued on for the next few weeks without me doing anything about it, except for increasingly getting stressed about it, although I will talk a bit more about this later.

Josh and I celebrated our 6th year together which was ~wholesome~

Called my friend Ashley from the US and just caught up. It was nice to see her face again. She is a good egg. I haven’t talked to her since but I really hope she’s ok.

May:

Watched Star Wars with Josh and his family for “May the 4th”

Started a volunteer job at Kivuli, a non-for-prophet that is based in Kenya, and started helping out with their website and social media stuff

Zoom movie time with my friends, we watched How To Train Your Dragon I think? Athough everyone was talking over the movie so I didn’t really get anything out of it

Played Scattergories (one of my favourite games) with Bec and Jess on zoom and just wrote really stupid and funny answers and I remember this being just what I needed

Went for a long walk with mum and one of her friends and her daughter on a track we don’t usually go on, which was a nice change of scenery

Went down to the holiday house for the first time in forever since restrictions were eased, at least for a little while lol, with the fam

Went to Portsea for a walk along the beach with Bec and her husband Trevor

Did an online trivia night that night with a big bunch of friends

Had a doctor’s appointment to see what was goin’ on down there. Honestly freaked that it could be something REALLY bad. Got booked in to have an ultrasound the next week, so at least I’d be finding out what was wrong soon.

The day after I got my results was the 21st of May, the day my mum and I were meant to be flying out to the UK to see my sister and her boyfriend. It was already hard enough a month or so before when I had to cancel my flight, but this day was so SO difficult. I can’t remember the last time I cried so hard. I am so blessed to have a boyfriend like Josh though. He was by my side the whole day, and held me as I cried. Oh man I am crying as I write this now, it was such a hard time but I know I will see my sister again.

And then the day after THAT whole ordeal was my birthday, which was meant to be spent in London with Jess but it turned out to be the first birthday we’ve had apart. This day was also hard, but made better by being with loved ones and having dinner at my grandma and grandpa’s house. Grandma’s roast potatoes make everything better.

Went to Geelong to see the other side of my family, it was so good to see my nan again. I love her very much.

Went to the Briars with Bec and went on a lovely nature walk and saw a lot of little wallabies and even an emu

Had an ultrasound and my pain turned out to be a 10cm wide cyst!!! So fun!!!!! Thank the heavens it wasn’t a child. I was so relieved. It is still in my body so that’s cute tho.

June:

Applied for a bunch of jobs, and even got a few interviews! Still no job.

The absolute highlight of this month, and maybe even the whole year, was going away to Lake’s Entrance and Yarram with mum, dad and Josh. It was so good to go to the country, I love country towns so much and the wildlife and nature is so beautiful in the eastern part of Victoria. If you ever get the opportunity I recommend going there!

We ate so much nice food and just relaxed. It wasn’t a perfect replacement for not going to Europe, but it was something at least.

Did more work for Kivuli which kept me busy

Went to Bec’s house to bake a cake. She came out to me as bi this day too, and the cake was coloured like the bisexual flag!

Started a short course through the university I went to in Facebook for Business. It was a great way to build up my skills.

Played Animal Crossing with Dani’s little sister, Tami, a very wholesome time

Looked after Josh’s dog Jed while his family went away for the weekend (also went into the start of July) and was honestly the greatest time

July:

Halfway through the year. Thank fuck.

Had another job interview

Went on lots of walks

Was just generally cold

Did a lot of cleaning

Painted the downstairs rooms at church, which took a few days and a lot of back pain, but it’s cool to think that I was able to contribute my energy and time to something while I was not feeling good at all

The restrictions were tightened again, meaning that I couldn’t go further than 5kms away from my house, except to see Josh, so this was a really lonely time for me.

Really got into Masterchef with mum this season. They had all returning contestants from other seasons so that was really fun to watch.

Got and assembled a new couch upstairs that I can say I actually own myself. I absolutely love it.

More walks, despite the cold

This was a very uneventful month, but that’s ok!

August:

Had a call with the hospital I’ll be having my cyst surgery with. It was good to know that things would be started. I had to have a blood test and a second ultrasound then put on the waiting list for surgery. Still no sign on when that will be happening though 6 months later. Just so lucky to live in Australia where all of these appointments are free.

Went for a really nice long walk with Josh. Got shat on by a bird.

Did lots of stuff around the house, just tidying and watering the plants and sorting through my wardrobe to purge all the clothes I grew out of

Had an online Switch games night with some friends which was fun. We played Smash Bros. and Mario Kart and just had a great time!

Ok this sounds super lame but my favourite podcast, The Jenna & Julien Podcast, finished forever which came as a surprise and was just really sad. I really hope it comes back one day.

Did my tax return lmao

Baked rice puff/marshmallow bar things

Made an ASOS order to fill my happiness with material things. Did get some cute clothes and lingerie tho 😉

More games with Bec and Jess, we played Golf With Your Friends this time

Had a cocktail night with Josh, where we just made a bunch of fun cocktails and got drunk. I can’t wait to live with him so we can do this all the time.

Lots of Kivuli work, as we are planning for our 10th anniversary fundraising event

September:

Baked cookies, which was something I did a lot at the start of lockdown but sort of drifted away from. I absolutely love to bake.

Started working for Media-Wize, a small PR company that was started by someone I know at church.

Started playing Among Us at the start of the month

So many Among Us nights omg, just call me queen impostor please

Did my induction for Media-Wize

Got  n e r v o u s  because I kept getting things wrong in my new job. I always seem to fuck up the good things and opportunities that I get

Did a livestream reading of The Great Gatsby on my friend’s Twitch stream. It was really fun and something I had never done before. I voiced Tom Buchannan, which was interesting but cool to sort of get into the character. I hope to do something like this soon.

I burnt my hair while cooking dinner and had to give myself a haircut lmao. It was the first time since 2018 that I had cut it so it was a long time coming anyway.

So much Media-Wize work. It felt good to finally be getting paid to do a job

Got locked out of my bathroom so I had to climb up the laundry chute to unlock it from the inside, all because a fly outsmarted me (it’s a long story… and honestly best told by speaking it)

October:

Had the Kivuli 10th anniversary livestream. Lots of work went into it and it was so much fun! It’s incredible that a non-for-profit that has benefitted so many children and families is still going strong. Such a blessing to see.

Dad’s birthday, and we had a picnic with grandma and grandpa and saw them for the first time since lockdown was somewhat lifted

Walked to Beasley’s nursery with Josh and got a coffee. This was the first proper, not McCafe coffee I had had in months and it was SO good

Played Animal Crossing with Dani

More Among Us, a theme for the last few months of 2020

Watched the AFL Grand Final. Wasn’t super exciting this year tbh, especially since we couldn’t have a BBQ or party or anything, but hopefully next year will be different

Nearly moved out of home with a friend of a friend, but since I didn’t have a job, didn’t think it would be a wise decision. Would’ve been nice though

Did some more Media-Wize work. I haven’t been given anything to do since this time though, so I don’t know what’s going on with that? They really be ghosting me tho.

Applied for JobSeeker so I would at least be getting a little income

New Jackbox came out, and had a games night with The Boys playing all the new games

Voted in the local election

Went to Westerfold’s Park with Josh for a lovely long walk

Played lots of The Sims 4 (but tbh I have been doing this all year)

November:

This month things sort of started to turn around, as Covid wasn’t hitting my state hardly at all, so I was actually able to see family and friends again!

Went to my old primary school with Dani and played basketball and just shot around and talked. She also came over for dinner. It was so nice, and she is a true friend.

Had a picnic at the park at the top of the street with my dad’s side of the family, all together at last

Melbourne Cup Day, not that I really care but it’s nice to get a day off. Went on a day trip to the Dandenong mountain range. It was so, so nice and bought some lovely little things from local shops, went for a bushwalk and had a bakery lunch

Went to the park to throw the frisbee and kick the footy around with Josh and his friends, although they are my friends too tbh

Had a picnic with a group of friends that I hadn’t seen since January, so it was so, so good to catch up with them and have a delicious BBQ dinner

My favourite online comedy group, Aunty Donna’s Netflix series came out! Had a virtual watch party with a few friends and binge watched it all in one go

Had lunch with grandma. This used to be a weekly occurrence but for obvious reasons was put off for this year. I absolutely adore her and every lunch we spend together is so precious to me

Went to Kyneton with some of the family as another day trip

Christmas shopping time again. So weird to be at the shops and feel sort of normal? I went 4 different times in the span of a week and a half haha

Josh’s birthday! We went to this maze place with has a bunch of big mazes and other fun activities. It was such a perfect day. Then we had dinner with his family.

Got a letter from the IRS saying that I needed to provide them with proof of identity, so that was fun trying to sort that out. We love the outdated US tax system <3

Went to a bridal shower for my friend Katie

Went for another hike with Josh to the mountains

Drove down to Geelong for a friend’s wedding and stayed at my nan’s house

Had a pub dinner and Jackbox night while down in Geelong with The Boys

A good friend of mine was leaving to live in Japan for two years, so I went to her house one last time to say goodbye and chill in her pool and just hang out

God why is it so hard to get a job?

December:

Omg we have made it to December. It truly is a miracle with how this year went tbh. And if you have read this far, thank you but also, how little of a life do you have?

Went to my friend Katie’s wedding. Sort of surreal to go to a wedding during a pandemic but it was fun and I got to see a lot of friends I hadn’t seen in a while

Enjoyed the hot weather and went to the beach a number of times with a variety of friends

Went Christmas shopping, and just shopping in general since it was safe to and shops had finally opened again

Got a job at a talent agency where you get gigs as a paid extra in TV shows and movies, which was pretty cool! I even had a professional photoshoot to get headshots done, something that I had never done before. Glad that I could get some pictures to use on LinkedIn though haha. Still haven’t been cast in anything but here’s hoping.

Had dinner and drinks with Josh, Bec and Trev in the city for the first time since it reopened. God I love Melbourne so much. It is just so magical on balmy summer nights. This was such a special evening, and was so good just to be in the city again

Had a lovely day with Dani, starting with breakfast and then going on a hike before the weather got too hot. We went to Sherbrooke Forest, a place I hadn’t been before, and it was incredibly beautiful

Had a number of job interviews this month too, none of which got back to me which was annoying :/

Now it was heading into the time where every weekend is packed with Christmas do’s so I’ll just collate them in this point. Lots of drinks were consumed and many delicious roast dinners

Had our annual Christmas Carol’s service at church. It was a blessing to be back in the building for the first time since March, and to be able to do something I love (singing) with some of my best friends was the best

Christmas eve I went to my grandma and grandpa’s house (on dad’s side) to help them set up for Christmas lunch. Spending time together just the three of us is so special, and I am so glad I was able to come over and just chat and be in their loving presence. Then that night I went to our 11pm church service to bring in Christmas day. It was a great service and was great to see our kick-ass minister give a sermon face-to-face.

Ok here we go, Christmas was a doozy, let’s go. So Christmas lunch was, as I said, with my dad’s side of the family, which is always a great time. Cracking open crackers and fighting over who’ll get the bottle opener or nail clippers is always a highlight haha. But we had the fucking best roast potatoes I swear. I need to know what my grandma puts into them because I could genuinely eat 20 of them and still have space. Then the rest of the afternoon was spent in a food coma until I went to Josh’s house to spend dinner with his family. Another delicious meal and great banter was what I needed, although I can safely say that I put on at least 5 additional kilos after that day.

The next day the fam and I headed to Geelong to see my mum’s side of the family. Was a great drive down and I listened to all of The Avalanches new album which had just released. Easily the greatest album of the yeah hands-down. So we spent lunch there and absolutely stuffed ourselves with more food. Three Christmas meals really took a toll on me, but I am just blessed as it is to have a loving family and food on the table.

The next day dad, Josh and I headed to the beach to spend that weird time between Christmas and New Year’s. To get there we took the ferry that goes from Queenscliff to Portsea, which is always a fun time, since we don’t often go from one side of the bay to the other (if you don’t know the geography of Victoria I apologise lmao). Mum didn’t come with us as she had some symptoms of Covid, so went home to isolate and get tested. Thankfully she tested negative and she joined us the next day.

Once I got back home I had to prepare the house for my friend Jono who was visiting for new years from SA. Many last-minute chores and cleaning was done haha.

New Years Eve! Went to pick up Jono and my other friend Sarah from the airport and dropped Sarah off at her accommodation and ended up staying there with Jono for a while as this was where the New Year’s party was going to be. Although, in true Victorian fashion, our premier announced that there was going to be a limit of 15 visitors at any house from 5pm that night. Excellent. We love a last-minute change of plans. So we had lunch and spent the afternoon at my friend’s house before heading to a local park to chuck the frisbee and kick the footy around. We also had our second annual NYE trivia competition, which my team lost by 1 point!! Dang I get so competitive, but we will win next year, I can feel it. The new year came through uneventfully, we were in the middle of a game of Scattergories or something like that when someone changed the channel on the TV to see the Sydney fireworks across the screen and like, 4 second left of the countdown. I gave Josh a bog ol’ smooch and gave my friends a big hug. We had done it. 2020 was defeated.

Conclusion (damn this really be an essay tho)

This year was undeniably the hardest year I had ever been through. Going through unemployment for the majority of the year and having no sense of purpose hit me hard but I am entering 2021 with the hope and willingness to get on track with my career. And I think I will be successful. A lot of truly awful things happened around the world this year as well, with the devastating bushfires at the start of the year, the powerful BLM protests, Coronavirus absolutely destroying lives and many, many other global events but through it all, here we are. I hope you all keep well this year and that your 2021 is infinitely better than your 2020.

Song of the Year: Tangerine – Glass Animals

Album of the Year: We Will Always Love You – The Avalanches (I CANNOT stress this enough, but you absolutely must listen to this album!)

TV Show of the Year: The Mandalorian - Season 2

Movie of the Year: Bombshell (the only movie I saw at the cinemas so didn’t have much to go with)

Memory of the Year: Going away with my family and just enjoying time away with each other

Thank you for reading this, if you’ve made it this far, you’re a real one <3

[agl03]

As a on and off Deke fan how do you think his development will be in s7? I mean in s5 I loved Deke first being reluncant to help the people who got his parents killed and betraying them to sacrificing himself for a cause he could finally believe in bc he finally had hope. And then he went back with the team found the family he never had, lightened up, etc. s6 i feel like idk the team wasn’t very nice to him and he was a little annoying and treated like comedic relief to a static earth-

team. And until FitzSimmons came back he was ngl but kinda annoying? And I loved his speech in 6x12 one of my fave moments of the season for sure but I feel like they could’ve built up to it better? And I’m excited for him to come to his own in s7 but do you expect more development for him? Like s5 had? Or are we going to get him just having a “funny” crush on Daisy or the team just hating him for 13 hours straight?

Hi Anon,

Oh boy, I apologize in advance for this because boy to I have feelings about how Deke’s arcs has gone down and how he’s treated overall.   I’ve got a few metas that are in the abyss of my blog so this will be a good place to pile it all together.

To start out I love Deke...we named our dog after him, he’s one of my kiddos favorites, and I love the Fitzsimmons family overall and desperately am hoping that we get one good full family adventure before it ends.

For Season 5 Deke its pretty amazing to learn that he was supposed to be killed off pretty early on but the writers loved Jeff so much and what he brought to the cast and the character they kept him on.  Especially when you see that there were hints about his lineage from the moment we met him.  This also lead to a great deal of math as I tried to figure out the timing and we found that indeed there would have been enough of a window for Fitzsimmons (or someone else on the team to have an older child or grandchild at this point).

In Season 5 the first time we saw each member of the Fitzsimmons Family they were masked.   Jemma wearing the gas mask, Deke in the Star Lord esque number, and Fitz as Bashtok.  

Therefore I feel the decision was made pretty early on to keep him around and to make him Fitzsimmons Grandson.  I personally enjoyed the hints as it followed what they did with Radcliffe in season 4, hinting that he could indeed be Fitz’s father whom was unknown to the fandom, again the writers talked about it but instead we got Alistair...RIP Dadcliffe theory I still love you   

Giving Deke that hero arc towards the end of the A arc, having him help the team even though they didn’t listen to him, were just more and more hints.  

Where I was disappointed with his development in Season 5 was as you said.  He finally had his family back, his grandparents that his mother had spoken so lovingly about.  And aside from a few really lovely consoling moments with Jemma and a small team up with Fitz in Option 2....he turned into a love sick puppy dog for Daisy.  Part of me get its, the writers needing to focus on Fitz’s break and the teams overall split and dysfunction as the end of the world neared  It was very disappointing to see their final scene cut as well.  I would have much rather seen him sticking with his Grandparents, running away with them and Yoyo, or Hale doing something with the knowledge she had of his linage than him just following Daisy around.

Moving onto Season 6 I’d had a bit of hope he’d be on Team Space Fitz rescue, but once I started getting that split story feel from the cast filming I knew he was on earth trying to find his own way.   Again I totally agree, the writers didn’t seem to know what to do with him between Code Yellow and when Fitzsimmons returned and he desperately tried to connect with them, especially Fitz.  He so wanted his approval and to get on better than he did with Loop Fitz.  So while we waited for Fitzsimmons to return he was used a bit as a punching bag.  Mack, May, Daisy, and most of the agents barely tolerating him.   Being forced on missions he was uncomfortable with and not trailed for.  Getting yelled at when he couldn’t pull off what his grandparents could.  

Once Fitzsimmons were back I enjoyed the balance of comedy and heartfelt moments.  I really did like the chaotic vibe he had with Snowflake and his heart  His blow up in 12 was totally warranted and allowed him to have some serious hero moments, earn some respect from Mack, and still brought some comedic light to what were some seriously stressful points in the finale.

Now Season 7 is when I think Deke is really going to come into his own.   Those who have ready my theories and predictions throughout hiatus know I’ve been pretty firm on this all along.  I also had the recent revealation that Deke is a bit of a Dark Horse for the team.   As with all the scans the Chronicoms have, even Fitzsimons from Inescapable, they know next to nothing about him.  Jemma didn’t know his full talents before she left to get Fitz.  Meaning they won’t know what’s coming with them and if the team ever needs a Hunter level crazy Release the Ferrets kind of plan to throw them off.  Deke is their man!  It will also allow him to operate under the radar until he makes a few too many waves and lands in the Chronicoms sites.  

I think for Deke this little trip through history is going to be amazing for him and he’s going to want to get into the field as much as possible, see as much of the earth as he can like never before, and witness the history of Earth that he was never really able to learn.  And seriously writers if I don’t get at least one scene of Jemma fussing over him in one of his period looks i”m gonna be very sad.

Deke is going to have to be the one to fill Fitz’s shoes with Jemma in the lab with Bobo in hiding.  Here for the first time he’ll get to really work with one of them, see how they operate, and be able to learn from her just as she will from him.  Well see him have some pretty big breakthroughs during the Season. I also think that out of all the team Jemma is going to lean heavily on Deke for support as the separation for Fitz....and concern for his safely grows.  I still maintain if there is a Secret Child Deke will be the only one she tells and that child or no Deke will be the only one to back her up when she insists that Fitz is in serious danger and something needs to be done.  Add Nana and Deke running off to save Bobo to my wish list.  

I am still concerned about the whole Puppy Dog crush on Daisy thing.  I don’t really ship them at all and if the writers do take it there its going to take most if not all season for Daisy to start to come around to him.  So that will likely flare up from time to time.  

I also think he’ll still have to prove himself to others on the team like Mack, Elena, Daisy, Yoyo, and maybe Robo Coulson.  And at some point his lack of training in the field will bite him and I think he’ll get injured ore than a few times.

By the end of the Season Deke is going to be an integral part of the team and going into the final fight, especially if there is a tech element to it  I think he’ll play a part in saving Fitz and perhaps the world.  That does leave me on the fence if he makes it or not.  I fear if he is on as big of a hero arc as Mace was he’ll fall to the same fate and sacrifice himself, especially for his grandparents.  But I can also see him going on to take over for Fitzsimmons when they leave Shield.  Though my dream I know very well I’m not getting is he decides to stay with them wherever they land.  

Deke will also continue to add that comedic element that is very desperately needed as things get more serious.  Enoch and Robo Coulson will also help with this void and oh boy if we are lucky enough for Deke to meet Uncle Hunter at some point....yes another dream of mine.

Overall I am super excited where they take Deke this season as I feel its going to be his time to shine.  Sure like everyone he’ll slip here and there but overall he’s going to Dazzle.  He’s going to be really get close and bond with Jemma and be there to support her as the separation from Fitz goes on and gets more dangerous.  And I think that we will see him find himself, who he wants to be, and what it means to be a Fitzsimmons.

[unproduciblesmackdown]

let's see those Prime Numbers for the ask meme

2) favorite albums?

well i was Ready for kesha’s album Warrior to come out in iiii think it was the end of 2012 or early 2013?? i snuck out to that tour in dc that summer also. totally solid album and it was fun to have something so fun during a totally Not Fun period lol. i was also pretty into owl city at the exact same time lmao, that’s Blatantly for when you’re depressed lol...and i also eventually saw that guy on tour when a new album came out in 2015, and that was fun too, and was Enjoying Myself a factor in the tipping point of “ah jeez i gots 2 get outta here” that i had in the next month? maybe! and uhhh i listened a lot to the phoenix te amo album. that one wasnt tied to anything at all but i have heard it So much. super short and also rock solid and relistenable. and then here we are and the bmc obcr is a gift to the world b/c a) it exists and b) Cuz It All Slaps and c) it’s so fun to either sing or dance along, or cry along if it’s the agtikbi reprise and d) lgw... and e) all the eternal, well-mixed wroland vocals

3) favorite memes?

oh god lmao idk......real earlier 10s stuff was the I Say Hey he-man meme, and the “that really rustles my jimmies” meme which was real underrated......there’s been plenty of Memes where i’ve been like “this one is funny to me Every Time” but of course now looking back on it it’s like. what’s a meme??? Vine

(skipping 5 & 11 cuz that’s the Entirety of someone else’s ask and i don’t wanna just have to scrap theirs completely and i’ll get to it next!!)

11) favorite fanarts?

you know what, there’s continuously been a ton of amazing fanart where i’m like, i’m so glad i’m seeing this, & this is Artistic Fuel, and marge simpson anime has really been just this Standout Experience lmao like......idk for as Inspiring as it is, there’s only a couple things i’ve drawn that are Directly inspired, but i just flip for it all the time and like, it’s supremely expressive and like, comics that aren’t chronological but more like a Collage Of a Moment / Concept which i think is super cool and also i love when stuff reminds me that it doesn’t have to look ~super cleaned up~ to look great.

13) favorite people you know?

oh god this one really got out of control lol i started like, talking about everyone ever from this past decade. so for Convenience i’m interpreting this as “people *i* know, but they don’t know me” so that i can cheat and say will roland, voted person of the year 2019. by extension, essential supporting crew who helped us reach this point, like john simpkins or joe iconis. leave it at that!! it’s 5am and you know i’m not lying. who knew where going “wow, This guy” in late 2018 would have so much Value.

17) a fandom you wish more people were in/you had more people to talk to about?

oof hmm.......amnesia tdd didn’t really have a “fandom” even though it obviously got a lot of attention, it’dve been fun if it had though lol. it’s tricky to answer this one cuz i always prefer like, smaller fandoms and/or finding the Niche or some other way of just like, interacting with a small corner of things, so i’m never like wow god damn wish i’d been absolutely in the thick of it with this thing. i’ve been in Corners n Niches and it’s been fine by me, really

19) a fandom that you had the best time in?

HMM lol.........marble hornets sure was fun but like, a lot of that was just the content itself and not necessarily The Fan Experience, tho i sure got a lot out of it in a ton of ways. i mean tbh that’s true of each thing i’ve really Gotten Into majorly, i go hard af and then walk out the other side with these #connections or #experiences like whoa where’d these come from lol!! but really like, overall, i’m probably having the best time right now. the “fandom” is basically just our agenda lmao but like i said i’m always having the best time when it’s a pretty niche deal, And the sheer variety of Contents n Characters to draw from here is super nice, and the fact that it’s like, oh yeah and i’m finally recognizing this should’ve-been-obvious entire Passionne i’ve had since always, and that’s great too, and like, also just having the Variety Of Live / Current Unfoldings that go down.....like, everyone havin fun with the Joe Iconis Xmas Xtrav was entirely great. and just the Engagement level is basically the best, cuz like there’s the times where maybe i’ll get a zillion notes and that’s definitely fun in its own way but i always enjoy just the way smaller amount of ppl who are Particularly Enthusiastic, and like, there’s times where like, maybe i’m *technically* in this larger circle of ppl but like, totally more of like a Tangent or peripheral to that circle or whatever lol........this feels like a really solid balance of like, being sorta in this orbit of people in a chill way, but also definitely the direct interactions Existing, which is always important lol but hasn’t always been a constant throughout my Fandom Experiences at all

23) who were you at the beginning of this decade?

2009-2010 was a real distinct year lol i was in my second year of college in the middle of my teens, when i’d hardly really been getting to Explore My Interests Freely up to that point and still wasn’t, but all of a sudden it’s like goddamn i have to figure out my major???? and i’m like, obviously in the middle of only just now Really getting to figure out my identity in this deeper and more genuine way, thanks to being lucky enough to Live On Campus and be away from home like, 2/3 of the year, but i was just like, oh god i’m in Stress Hell now all the time cuz like. i’m trying to figure out my whole thing and what my ~Career~ should be and i just have no idea but am like, trying super hard all the time lol it was not successful and i was just really stressed about it all the time. i was def quieter back then.....pretty lonely at the time, i did not get into mh and gain the presence of any Online Friends until late 2010, and i hadn’t yet been sort of accepted by a small faction of theatre people via my roommate’s connections.....i wasn’t at all Out yet, and was def In Progress of figuring it all out.....i didn’t have nearly the Self-Esteem i have now lmao, it was Not a great time and in a lot of ways ‘09-’10 was the start of a downturn into Worse Than Usual Times, though in Other ways it was definitely an upturn lol like. the latter related to stuff that was important to me / who i am, the former tied to the situations i was in and the godawful morale that resulted

29) a time when the worst case scenario happened but you pulled through?

well by the end of 2012 i had my Wrath Parent deluxe mad at me big time, AND i was stuck at home all of thee time with that (not at all hours but. every day.) it was terrible!!! tf was going on in 2013, cuz that shit was definitely like, a gross blur of a lot of indistinct misery. and then, relatedly, when it was so shitty in 2015 that i was like fantastic, i am so officially sick of this i’m outta here. i revisited some Misery Posts from that period lately for someone stranger on twitter’s project or something, and boy i was having a bad time Summer Of ‘15 lol, things not getting better at home And a job that was so shitty that it was like..................bye. lol. and then i spent a year living out of a minivan. which was real lucky in ways b/c like. infinitely better than if i had not had that minivan. and when that broke down i was also then lucky enough to have this friend who was relatively nearby who’d also been willing to just like, set me up to Not have to ask the lgbt center where that trans-friendly forest zone a couple cities over was. nothing as dramatic as it could’ve been, fortunately

31) a time you were scared?

hmmm when leaving The Parents Home overnight, that was intimidating. bit of completely jumping into the unknown there, and also like, when you spend your lifetime assuming that Someone’s Arbitrary Wrath will be uponst you always, it’s hard to shake that sense of dread and doom, like ah jeez i am really potentially bringing hell on myself here........and like i mentioned with Start Of The Decade, there was just a ton of fear there all the time lol, trying to figure out virtually overnight The Whole Of Who I Am And What I Want when i’d only just even gotten to start......also i wanna say i maybe came out in 2011?? and i sort of also felt obligated to come out to my parents also (plus i think i was giving them like, one last chance to surprise me and be decent and kind of Grow Up themselves even tho i was the like, 16 y.o.) which yknow, kids you do not have to come out to anyone at all. someone was talking the other day abt how they didn’t think lgbtq “discourse” had evolved as much as you’d hope over the past decade, but idk about that, it's only a little bit of a wildly complex topic, and for starters Online Trans “Discourse” of a decade back was wayyyyyy in a vastly different place than it is now, leaps and strides really. so the way to ~really~ do it was presented kind of more rigidly i think. anyways i did it via email and was incredibly stressed to even open the reply a couple days later lol......which ended up being really weird and vague, and then there was a phone call where no one brought it up, and the only result was increased ire and resentment :( ........and then there was still like, cops encounters! near or not-as-bad-as-they-could’ve-been vehicular collisions! but tbh generally my reaction to the latter was underwhelming, except for one particular time when i was a passenger and also tense af for the rest of the ride. that’s it for Immediate fear really lol......oh wait one time i was at this decent sized Convention Panel Event and when i’m nervous i can Only talk more (it’s possible!!) and i snuck into line for the q&a and Right when i got to the mic (intimidating) they were like oop we’re low on time, lightning round!! :’] that was obviously more just a crapton of l’anxiete

37) a fashion that fell out of style that you wish would make a resurgence?

were Gladiator sandals this decade? the strappy deals that like, went up the ankles / calves? that was in fashion for a year or two and i’m into it. i like sandals and that kind of drama

41) something you learned a lot that not a lot of other people might know about?

i don’t know that i learned way a lot of anything that’s real in-depth knowledge and niche lore.........i have learned Nothing

43) an important relationship (of any kind) you had?

i had???? lmao well either way let’s say current relationships count and like, pretty much everyone in my Sphere i value a lot! i never like, have or have had a ~close~ ring of ppl around me lol like i thought it was lucky if i talked to someone Every Day (and not at all the Usual thing) and now it’s more likely that i talk to two people every day and maybe that sounds sarcastic but it’s not at all lol. i know my social stats aren’t impressive but i so appreciate what i get to enjoy and have. and other Connections might be way more like, we are friendly acquaintances, we talk on rare occasions, we haven’t talked at all in ages, we talk but only to trade cute pics of cats, Etc etc, but i seriously do appreciate all of everyone who’s cool who i get to interact with in any way and like, be in each other’s spheres and Not just like, absolutely on nobody’s radar. also obviously soph you are here in that list in case i wasn’t implying it good enough lol it is 5am and god knows deciphering what i say at any time can be its own challenge.....ur Epic Highs and Lows of bmc 3.0 is so good lmao

[natsspammityspamspamham]

Dino Rant (Nov 27 + Other Side Tales)

My siblings are currently mad at me. Here’s what went down. Tagging: @akaskira​ @ce-la​ @caratheillustrious​ Who are all practically my spiritual online older sister/sage advice givers and @lizard-in-the-rain​ who can be an idiot along with me.

For context:  Ate = Sister Kuya = Brother * My dad and I have a rocky past because he’s very old-fashioned, hasn’t been always supportive about my mental health, and is really old and out of date (especially about LGBTQ, feminism, HK protests, etc.) * My sister also has a rocky past with me but has since calmed down a little thanks to old age (she’s 23) * My brother is constantly busy with school (and stressed), is still mourning his breakup after a few months which continues to salt his wounds (not because his ex is crappy but she’s really nice. He’s having a bit of trouble still.), and is a very sensitive person (more sensitive than my sister)

Further in, you can see what happened at the orchestra concert on Saturday. For context, you can check out a previous rant.

Me: Dad got some bad oil burns. I was in the family room as he was yelling “[MOM NAME x 3] WHAT DO I DO WITH OIL BURNS?” Mom was upstairs and didn’t hear They are kinda big He’s upset

Ate: What the why didn't you help him call mom???? did you??? yike oil burns are no joke bc they hurt for longer bc water just steams away but oil sticks and keeps burning and the scars are worse

Me: Uh... I was scrolling on tumblr? I don’t know. I thought he already put ice.

Ate: smh

Me: But looking back, I heard the water running for less than a minute.

Ate: LOL

Me: And never heard the freezer open

Ate: water won't help unless you use soap anyways

Me: So I thought he did that but he was really just yelling for mom He didn’t even ice it. He said he ran some water over it.

Ate: make sure you help if someone yells for help next time even if you think it's handled bc if a person is panicking/in pain they're likely not thinking straight to help themselves speaking from experience

Me: Mom tried to give him advice now and he just walked away going “uh huh”

Ate: even I know to put my hand under cold running water and ice it but I've definitely not done that when I've burnt myself before I would be pretty choked too if there were 2 other people in the house and neither of them came to help me when I got oil burns

Me: Mom was upstairs and couldn’t hear. I thought he was crying wolf as usual.He yells for mom around three times on a daily basis

Ate: fair but fr next time take the 5 seconds to check bc sometimes bad things happenesp if all you hear is a thud

Me: “[Mom Name x 3 again] I CANT FIND THE [blank]!!!” Mom: it’s been in the same spot for over a decade. Look with your eyes.

Me: Mom does that once every other day (has a big thud) usually because something broke. When I heard the yell this time, I thought it was because he knocked something over. Dad is always yelling He even asked mom how to make the rice And didn’t make it because she didn’t answer fast enough Dad is a drama queen. That’s where we all get it from.

Ate: I mean

Kuya: Tf is this situation How can you ignore someone in need of help Regardless of who it is Doesn't it hurt to see someone suffering

Me: I didn’t see anything

Kuya: Unless you hold extreme animosity Like they killed your mom or something I have to hand something in by 10 But I find this quite upsetting

Me: I didn’t see anything, and the last thing he yelled was an oil burn, and the only advice I had was water and ice which I thought he already did.

Me (in response to animosity): Not extreme, but living with him with only me as the child has screwed a lot of things up.It has taken a toll on my sympathy for people (or whatever is left)

Ate: Same but he's still our dad?

Me: Eh, I honestly thought it was a small thing until I saw it.

Ate: I have only shreds of respect for him left but idk if I would go as far as to just overlook "oil burn" and figure "oh, I can't help so I'll ignore him" like that's a lil funny

Me: Again, when someone is constantly yelling, there’s a point where you don’t listen fully to what they’re saying. It only registered later that his burns might actually be serious and more than putting your fingertip on a hot pan. I also have little sympathy due to how he’s treated me during my past situations so honestly, I’ve little tolerance.

Afterwards, my mom called my sister who was absolutely hysterical and screaming on the other line to the point where my mom had to pull the phone away from her ear.

________________

Some Stupid Orchestra Stories:

Things I have said to my orchestra cohorts that might’ve scared them:

*sees me bump my instrument* Trumpet: Ouch Me (walking away): Snitches get stitches and end up in ditches, and dead men tell no tales. Doug: What?

*sees me bump my bow* Doug: Ouch Me (tired because I was just excluded from the conversation today because no one would listen to what I had to say): I’m going to stab you Doug: Pat, protect me!

Me: *tells anything about school* Everyone: MAJOR CONCERN (Examples: Kid said that this guy could have sex with his friend before she turned 21 by slipping a drug into her drink, kid saying he was going to hit a girl with a metal bar from the desk, kids smoking out back, kids make noise downstairs which causes the room I work in to shake, kids throwing stuff out car windows, kids brawling, my science teacher from regular school failing me for practically no reason)

More of an annoying incident from me: Hannah: Who’re you messaging? Your girlfriend? Sean: Yeah Me: YOU’RE STILL TOGETHER?! Sean: (sheepishly) yeah

To be fair, I get weirded out whenever they flash their privilege as semi-well off rich kids.  “Remember those special trips you get to take with your school to learn more about science? // Remember those international trips you take with your school club?” Me: ...no?! I’m not poor, I just dropped out of school before I could even go to my nearest McDonalds for a field trip.

But Doug is a little dumb sometimes. He doesn’t get my sense of humour (understandable), but he’s a little ignorant towards not-privileged people. 

He literally said he goes to sleep at 9:30pm, got into university (this is a semi-prestigious one) first try with 90s in all of his classes (at least), has a girlfriend, has friends, and doesn’t understand why anyone would stay later than that unless they had poor time management. His words, not mine. My brother stays there until around 12am studying. He was not happy to hear that. Doug is first year so my siblings are making fun of him saying he will perish in a year’s time. My parents saw him stealing kisses from his girlfriend in a parking lot during the day of our last concert. I seriously though the girl in his profile picture was his sister and not his girlfriend because they were both seriously white. Whiter than a bowl of milk I tell you.

He also doesn’t know what a period app would be for. I was a little annoyed. My brother knows about this well enough because we all know my sister and mom would not let anyone in this family live if they did not know the ins-and-outs of a period. Doug was like, “Why would you need to track that?” I responded, “Because they’re irregular.” He looked a little puzzled and I said, “Douglas, you’re a science major. There’s sex ed in school.” He responded that he is going into research (not sure what that has to do with menstrual ignorance) and never paid attention during sex ed (since it’s never for marks). I then got a little more pushy and said, “Well, if you ever want a girlfriend, maybe you should learn.” To which he said, “I have a girlfriend”. To which I gave him a look of:

Stories from the orchestra concert:

I did tell the bass instructor about this so maybe it’ll get sorted out but I did this “tell the teacher” thing twice where it backfired terribly. Let’s hope university kids are a little more grown up.

My messages from that night: Pat told me it was cute when I played in the wrong spots. It was genuine like she said it was cute. But it was like ??? I was having a panic attack. My brain left my body. I don’t want to play anymore. Then she put up her bow to make sure I wouldn’t flip the page Then she hit her bow on her bass. I really don’t want to play anymore. (She also repeated the same thing twice knowing from a previous talk that I have bad anxiety. She has anxiety as well.)

Me: Then Hannah and Patricia were commenting on my shoes. I like wearing my orthotics. They make my feet feel not in pain. Ate: tell them that Me: I did They told me to take off my shoes “They can’t even see my feet” I’m all the way in the back behind people “Then take off your shoes” “But then I’ll be in pain” “But you sit” (I have one foot on the ground) “So take them off. It’s for dress code. People can see you” Ate:  but it's literally a medical thing Tell them to actually fuck off hoh my god it's like asking a blind person to put their stick away bc people will trip on it or that you can't have your service dog with you like????

[guktwt]

love yourself tour experience! ♡  japan and singapore

hi! so i’ve been wanting to make a post like this for a while on twitter but i hate twitter rn so here i am. this january i was blessed with the opportunity to attend love yourself in nagoya (japan) and singapore and honestly? it’s the best thing that’s ever happened to me. i wanted to share my experience because really, concerts in japan and everywhere are else are so different, right from ticketing and the show itself. i thought you guys would find it interesting? and also i need to let this out ahhh keeping to myself is not going to do me any good :( anyways, i hope you find this post somewhat entertaining 💞

under the cut because this got really long sorry 

♡ love yourself in nagoya ♡

first of all, tickets. getting concert tickets (and any ticket, really) in japan is tricky. most kpop groups in japan have a fanclub and if you’re a member, you get the benefit of applying for tickets first (like a presale!). did i say apply? yes i did. in japan, ticketing for concerts adopts a lottery system for presale and general sales usually a month later. 

for presale through fc, you’d have to apply for a lottery on a website and wait to find out if you win or not. you need a fc membership (paid), which also needs you to have a japanese phone number and address in order to apply. and you HAVE to pay your presale tickets in japan because you need to pay them in a convenient store. complicated, i know. FC presale tickets usually give the best seats. there’s no gurantee, but that’s usually the case. fortunately for me, i have a cousin residing in japan to help me with the address (you really need it, they’re going to ship you your membership card) and i found someone on twitter to help me make the payment. if you a apply for lottery, there’s no guarantee you’ll win. so you can apply as many times as you want with a maximum of 2 tickets for each shows. i think i used up all of my luck with this one [sobs]. FC presales usually have more than one round lotteries. 

general sales is much simpler. i dont have enough experience to know the details but it’s usually up on japanese ticketing websites and can use credit cards? dont know if foreign ccs are accepted though. 

oh and all tickets for all sections cost the same!!! so doesn’t matter if you get the best view or worst it’s all equal 

/if you have more questions about this don’t hesitate to send me an ask i don’t know much but i’ve read a lot about it/

you can’t know your seat until a week (or a month? idk) before the concert, when it’s time for you to print your tickets at the same convenient store (yes you have to print them and you can only do it once so don’t lose the damn thing!!). my seat was really good!!! i didn’t get floor sadly but my section was right in front of the extended stage so i got a great view. 

i arrived in nagoya a day before the concert (i spent a week in tokyo beforehand) and queued for merch!!! it was winter so it wasn’t hot at all and the japanese really know how to line up. everything is so organized like??? i was so amazed. i spent a good 4 hours queueing before getting my items and even then a lot of the things i wanted were sold out quickly :( 

and then comes the concert day!!!! basically since it was all seating tickets i didn’t have to worry about queueing for entry but i did queue for merch again,,,, from 4 am. let me tell you how devoted people are there when it comes to queueing. some actually stayed from the afternoon? and it was winter. crazy. 

i entered the dome an hour before the show started and the staff were so kind and helpful whenever i asked for help (i couldn’t find my seat). and everyone around is so kind and warm :( i didn’t really interact with a lot of people due to the language barrier but they’re so . polite. 

and moving on to the show!!!!!! japan has strict rules about recording so i couldn’t do any of that [:(] but honestly it just made me enjoy everything better. of course they were amazing on stage and their japanese were so cute :( i still can’t get over nagoya, nekkoya my pure babies!!! 

and uh . taehyung. so damn fine. can’t believe i was part of the first people to see him reveal his blue hair. and i can’t stress this enough but his gaze when he looks at the audience... i felt the love and fondness in his eyes i wanted to CRY. 

and jimin!!! was so clingy towards joon the whole night ugh we love a baby koala. and jungkook :( he introduced himself as kookoo im so fucking sad. the second he said kookoo desu i was ready to give up my firstborn for him. 

hoseok was a fucking machine. he’s so charismatic on stage i can’t handle him. and seokjin was full on crackhead mode :( we stan a whole legend i love love him so much. my mans yoongi was so?? small yet not??? i wanna put him in my pocket. my mans joon was looking like a whole snacc. all legs and dimples.  

honestly what struck me the most was how everyone gave seokjin a standing ovation and applause after epiphany???? that was my first time seeing something like that and i just started tearing up because it was so beautiful. people were so respectful they didn’t scream or shout when bangtan were doing their ending ments. the fanchants were absolutely on point!!! whenever bangtan bowed i actually spotted some people in my section bowing in return and i was !!!! oh my god 

but on another note you’d think that japanese fans are quiet during shows but theyre really not. they’re loud as hell too they just know when to shut up and listen and i think that’s beautiful. 

the whole thing passed by really quickly. i felt hollow and empty by the time it ended but i have to say that it was the most relaxing and chill concert experience i’ve ever had. it just feels so different than my previous concerts. the only downside about it is the no recording part (i could’ve been sneaky but staff was right in front of my section) i guess. but without worrying about my phone i got to watch them perform. like actually watch them. it felt euphoric. 

♡ love yourself in singapore ♡

ah. 

so for singapore, i got cat 1 purple 2 tickets at first. but because me and my friend wanted yellow initially, we managed to find someone who wanted to trade with us. 

i arrived at the venue at 6 am because i had to distribute banners and fans for my fan support. here’s a pic of them!!!! 

basically for standing ticket holders we were required to queue by 12:30 pm and fortunately my qn got the indoor holding area so i didn’t stay under the heat for long. we started moving to the venue at around 3 or 4 pm even thought they said it would be 2:30 pm. because my qn was large by the time i got inside all the good spots were already taken :( i ended up at the very back sigh and we had to wait for another 2-3 hours before the show starts. it was hot and everyone was thirsty. some people in the pit wanted to sit down but some also stood up so it was rlly cramped :/ 

everyone was hyped tho even when mvs were played. and then when the lights dimmed and the show finally started was where things got really,,, rowdy. when the first beat of idol played everyone pushed forward??? the amount of times i got squished and elbowed and pushed aside... man it was hectic. if you’re claustrophobic please do NOT go for standing in concerts. 

but that aside of course it was amazing loud and crazy. there were accidents here and there. at one point several people actually fell down but everyone helped everyone up. some people got mad and started yelling and others but that’s understandable. it was hot and cramped of course you’d get cranky. 

funny story i got my period two hours before the show and basically bled through my vagina for 3 hours as i watched 7 fine men go off on stage. 

but anyways. 

me and my friend managed to finesse our way from the back row to the third row because we’re amazing. no we did not push if you were there the pit was always moving so we just. squeezed through i guess. i was so fucking tired but when so what came on i forgot that my pants were like fucking soaked and just jammed the fuck out with everyone. they got really close to my section during this and i cant believe i got to see taejin dance together like clubbing buddies. jin is so goofy!!!!!! 

oh but fuck you guys jimin up close is ethereal. he looks so fucking unreal i couldn’t keep my eyes off of him throughout the whole thing. none of the pictures can ever do his beauty justice. he’s so fucking beautiful and i was starstruck. and he sang promise!!! i fucking couldn’t believe he did it. one word to describe him is definitely godly. 

namjoon was so hyped and loud too :( gosh he’s so adorable. hoseok looked crazy beautiful up close too. his aura.... fucking amazing. YOONGI ALSO MADE THE CUTEST EXPRESSION AFTER JIMIN SANG PROMISE I SQEUALED. gosh i was actually really close despite not getting barricade i feel like crying thinking about it now. 

jungkook went so close to my section during so what i got a good fancam of him that i can’t stop watching :( jimin slipped during dna my poor baby but he just laughed it off :(((( 

they all looked prettier irl tbh. they have such nice skin??? and all that shit about jimin being short... well guess what fuckers he’s all LEGS. man. i think i left that stadium as a jimin stan. 

taehyung’s so hot i wanna die n i want the whole of rapline to spit on me thx.

fun times aside the pit is hell. luckily the staff were responsible and gave us drinks after each set of performances. and everyone kind of just understood each other. whenever someone looked like they were about to faint people asked if they were okay. we helped each other and gave each other drinks. at one point during the show i crouched down because i was exhausted and someone asked if i was okay or if i wanted some candy. 

hellish experiences aside, there’s a mutual understanding between everyone in the pit. like, we’re in this together. i’m sweaty and thirsty and tired but i’m here for one thing and so is everyone else. it’s a good feeling. i mean, yeah, i was drenched in sweat and water but. it’s a good feeling. here are some pics!!!! (i have more videos bu t i cba to tak e screenshots ajsjs sorry)

also met some of my twitter mutuals <3 love u guys 

perhaps this is it for my experience post? yeah you can see how different nagoya and singapore were. it was exciting to be able to experience them both. now back to my post concert depression and withdrawal :(

[jaerie]

11/11/11

I was tagged by @phd-mama and @allwaswell16 and @chloehl10 so this is more like 33/11/11 hahaha  I got a little carried away with this but I love answering stuff like this

Answer 11 questions, come up with 11 more, tag 11 people.

1. Tell me, do you like music on when you write?? 

No, I have to have silence.  Or, you know, normal household noises.  When I was in high school I listened to music with the tv on while doing my homework but now.... I think it’s moreso because I periodically close my eyes and visualize the scene or really throw myself into the character to get the emotions right and the music just takes away from that.  I also hear music in a really complex way which I won’t explain here because this is about writing, but yea, it’s too much stimulation

2. Are you someone who plots everything out before you write it?

Absolutely not.  I can count on my fingers the number of times I’ve actually plotted something for a fic in this fandom.  I’m definitely a fly by the seat of my pants kind of writer.  I generally have somewhere the fic is going, but I usually let the characters steer so sometimes it vectors off someplace I never expected it to go.  That’s how so many of my better fics have gone.  I did have to plot out As We Were, As We Are extensively because wow complex precise true to life timelines, but that’s really the only one I’ve actually done a real one for. 

3. Do you write in chronological order?

Most of the time, yes.  Occassionally I’ll jump down and write or start a scene that either inspired the whole fic or that I want to get down before I forget it, but I usually write from start to finish.  

4. Do you like to eat while writing?

hahahahaha usually no.  But only because I’ll get distracted and like.... not write.... 

5. Is there a trope you love?

I am a sucker for fake/pretend relationships.  It’s so obviously one of the most predictable storylines but I’ll read every one of them.  I don’t know why.  The misunderstanding angst of it... I don’t know! 

6. Have you written it? (See 5)

I don’t... think so... Is that bad I don’t remember?  But I don’t think I have 

7. Is there a trope you hate?

I can’t really do the sugar baby/daddy scenario... there are a few cases where it’s worked but in general, no.  

8. Have you written it? (See 7)

I think there is a little bit of it in a couple maybe?  And someone asked me to write one that’s still in my maybe pile... so I might.  

9. Can you read your main ship with other pairings?

Depends.  Usually yes because if it’s a pairing I don’t like I just kind of generically gloss over it in my mind a bit?  Or imagine the same description but not that exact person?  But there aren’t really a lot of absolute nos for me and it’s usually related to me not like that PERSON rather than the ship (taylor swift for example, have to really speed through fics with her in parts BUT like I said, it’s easy for me to imagine a likeness that’s not HER specifically. Idk).  If it’s well written then it’s worth getting through it, if it’s not well written, I probably wouldn’t finish it anyway.  

10. What’s a solid NO GO for you?

I don’t have many and most of them even have exceptions so I don’t know what a solid no is until I see a tag that’s a solid no??  And they’re the usual general niche things?  (scat, watersports, idk those things)  Hardcore bdsm-type is a no for me (but there have been some exceptions).  MOST things that are nos for me like daddy kink, I can still read the fic, I just kind of... speed through those parts?  I don’t really have any actual triggers...  I don’t really read a lot of girl direction if they’re both girls.  Which is a weird complicated issue for me because I WRITE IT.  And there are some good ones out there that I have read but in general...?  idk it’s weird and probably has a lot to do with me being sdpofijapsdgjoidsjfosdj about words for vagina rather than it actually being girls.  But to be fair it took me years to be comfortable writing cock and dick without blushing and running off.  I don’t know, it’s something about reading it that it usually isn’t my first choice.  That was a long complicated answer just to say “not really”

11. Do you have a signature move, aka, let’s say for no particular reason, just because, coming in pants?

oh my god.  Yes.  Probably.  I can’t think off of the top of my head but I definitely find myself returning to the same phrasing or words or actions.  Especially when it comes to abo and knotting.  

1. What’s your favourite fic you’ve ever written, and why?

Sisterwives and As We Were, As We Are I think because they are the two I put the most into.  Plotting, planning, emotions, etc. 

2. Pick three words that you think describe your works overall.

Problematic (lol), intense/emotional, sexual. 

3. How long does it take you to write a fic?

Varies.  I’ve written 20k+ in 24 hours and I’ve written 5k in a month.  Really depends on what I’m working on and my emotional state of stress.  

4. What’s the hardest thing about writing?

For me?  Fluff and filler.  And English.  I’ve fallen into a pattern of writing that probably has a lot of errors in tense.  But... it is what it is.  

5. Do you listen to music or anything while you write? What’s normal for you when you write?

I answered this one in depth above 

6. How do you come up with titles for your fics?

I have this terrible thing where I just name a fic and run and then regret it and want to change it once it’s already posted hahahahaha There are a handful that I’ve named after Hanson lyrics just because I think it’s funny... but most of the time there is no rhyme or reason to it.  

7. What’s one piece of advice you’d give to a new writer?

Just keep writing.  Because it’s easy to get discouraged about kudos and attention.  Kudos and attention does NOT equal quality.  It’s still something that I struggle with letting go, but as a new writer it’s more difficult not to see that as a failure.  But my first fics in this fandom still have some pretty low kudos counts and my fics in other fandoms have as few as FIVE kudos.  Five.  I think they’re great fics, but I’m just not as known in that fandom/there aren’t as many readers.  For example, I wrote this AWESOME Brokeback Mountain fic for the Hanson fandom and it has only 15 kudos.  

8.  How important do you think tags are when you are publishing a fic?

*gets up on soapbox* Tags are the most important part of publishing a fic.  I am a firm believer that anyone can write anything the want as long as it is properly tagged.  Proper tagging is the writer’s only responsibility to the reader.  If those are in place, what follows doesn’t have to be tailored to anyone.  

9. Do you write for fests/exchanges? If so, do you enjoy them? If not, why not?!

I have mixed feelings about this.  I used to write for both.  Now I exclusively write for fests and I’m selective about the ones I participate in.  Why?  Well for one, deadlines.  I’ve made the mistake too many times of overcommitting and then nothing felt right and I was stessed about it and just... not good.  As for exchanges... I’ve been burned in the past?  By dropouts and such?  Or by the giftee not liking or never reading the fic?  Or by me needing to drop out for mental health reasons but not because I was writing FOR someone?  I’ve done a handful of pinch hits since I swore off exchanges, but they’re too much anxiety for me personally.  (I have had some good experiences with exchanges though!! Not all of them were bad!!)

10. Which work of yours are you most proud of and why?

As We Were, As We Are..... because.... DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH FRICKIN RESEARCH I DID FOR THAT FIC!? ALL WHILE WRITING IT DURING NANO?!?!  I put soooooooo much into that fic that I’m sad it didn’t get much attention.  It was written for the Alex exchange so Harry is written as Alex so that’s probably why.  Some people have a big problem if fics aren’t written a certain way.  I don’t know.  I was really sad about that though.  I LIVED in WWII for months with that fic and it will always be special to me.  I’ve even thought about putting more work into into it to have it published somewhere.  I know it’s not like... classic 1D fic quality or whatever but I think the bones of it are strong enough.  I don’t know, I’m probably delusional. haha but I still like it

11. What’s next for you?

Oh man.  Well.  I said I was going to stop writing for this fandom.  But then this rush of support came in and then I started to feel really spiteful and thought that I’d keep going just because of that... and I feel like I’m only just now gaining a following for my fics that keeps me motivated enough to keep improving... soooo I’ve committed to a few fests coming out this fall.  I am also participating in Wordplay going on right now.  The first fic comes out tomorrow I think.  I also have some Sisterwives timestamps.  

1. What fic have you written that you wish everyone would read?

dunkirk fic and sisterwives probably 

2. What’s your favorite character you’ve ever written?

hahahahaha harry from one of my yet to be published sekret fics hahahahaha but I really love so many of them like shifter harry

3. What’s your most popular fic and why do you think it’s your most popular?

By Kudos?  Where Do We Go Now.  And I have no idea.  Because I always have to click to even remember which one it is.  And it was written so fast and I remember not liking where it went but just hit publish because it was a pinch hit... I honestly have no idea.  Someone please give me insight on this because i have no idea.  

4. What’s one of your favorite fan fics that you haven’t written?

I kind of answered this above but I’ll also say The Wilds because it wrote so fast.  I wrote the whole thing in under 24 hours

5. What is your current WIP about?

Ummmmm Some of them are going to be posted on anon I think?  So I’ll just say Thor Harry

6. What is a fic that you hope to write someday?

siiiiigghhhhhhhh my Almost Famous au

7. Do you read fics from other fandoms? Which ones?

I read a lot of Thorki... and random fandoms.  I love to read a lot of fucked up shit just for the shock value of it?? I don’t know, I’m weird like that.  So I started branching out to general tag searches so I’ve read stuff from tons of fandoms that I don’t even know what they are.  I think Supernatural is one I frequent a lot because they have some real fucked up fics. 

8. What author or book has influenced you as a writer?

Sooooo There was a writer that really sparked my creativity back when I was in a different fandom.  But then they disappeared from that fandom and I ran into them as a popular figure in the 1D fandom but they’re kind of hated in the fandom now?? so I won’t say their name.  BUT in the other fandom, they had this fic that I still go back and read to this day every once in a while.  It was intense, a lil fucked up, and just... yeah.  The kind that sticks with you.  

9. What’s one of your favorite books from when you were a child?

Island of the Blue Dolphins.  Which I reread a few years ago and ??? idk I was a weird child.  I mean I didn’t think it was a BAD book

10. What’s an au/trope that you thought you didn’t like until you read one and loved it?

Harry Potter AUs?   haha I’m sure there are more than that because there have been a LOT I didn’t think I’d enjoy and then I loved... OH THE TIME TRAVELER AU.  I don’t remember why but I didn’t read that foreeeeever because I didn’t think it was my thing.

11. Choose one: angst or fluff?

angst.  this isn’t even a question.  

Wow.  I probably spent too much time on that.  If you’ve made it this far, kudos for sticking in there through my ramblings.  

Let’s see.  

1. What is the most problematic concept in one of your fics?

2. Mpreg. Yey or ney and why.

3. What aspect of a fic can you write but not read? 

4. What aspect of a fic can you read but not write? 

5. What fic is your most popular? 

6. Is it a fic that surprises you or is it one you wish was not as popular?

7. Is there an exchange/fest that you didn’t write for that you wish you would have?

8. Do you write in any other fandoms? 

9. What was the first fandom you started writing for? 

10. Do you write other pairings other than your main? 

11. What projects are on the back burner?  

Omg this was so hard.  um.... @tragic---love @wendydarlingfics @reminiscingintherain ummmmmm omg tagging people gives me such anxiety bc i feel like i’m annoying. its a struggle.   back at cha @chloehl10

[gorillazsenarioz-blog]

What Gorillaz means to me

This might get a bit deep but I literally have no one to passionately talk about this to and ever since that Demon Dayz performance (which was the first live and full performance I’ve ever seen of them) I just need to spill it out. (if you’re on the app I’m sorry if this is super long.) I’ll try to make this an undercut thing but that’s if i figure out how to.

Anyways, so Gorillaz came into my life during this time and it has helped me so much. Most of the time whenever I find music during these various periods in my life, they only make me sad and feel worse and that’s it, I usually get over them and stop listening to them in a couple weeks, but this band is so different. Not only do they make me calmer with their slower tunes such as To Binge or Empire Ants, instead of making me angrier at the world like other groups I’ve listen to, they also have music that can switch my mood to joy and make me want to dance or even laugh (looking at you Tomorrow Comes Today, the video can either calm me or makes me laugh bc of 2D’s spinning and the band’s edge…idk it’s funny to me). The music just connects to me for any emotion I’m feeling and since I’m a very passionate person when it comes to music, it really affects me in a positive way. 

I started to learn more about the band and Damon and Jamie and I was just so interested in this virtual band concept and think it’s genius. It’s obsessive learning the backstories and everyone’s character traits/developments, the connection of music videos, all of it. It entertains me learning more and more and being a part of it right now is very fun now that I know a good amount of knowledge of the band. 

It’s not those two factors, but the community is so fucking kind.I had made some comments and even art for the band on my personal tumblr and immediately got reblogs and likes, which I never got since I usually just reblog, but I have contributed to other fandoms and they’ve never been as active as this community as been. Soon, I started reading the imagine blogs @gorillazimagines , @gorillaztrashimagines , @stupotimagines , @imagine-2d etc. and I loved it. It just added to my interest and really fed my imagination and creativity until eventually my interest of the music and writing prompts just made me think I should mix the two. (also something to learn about me is whenever I hear a song a scenario or music video idea comes in my mind and it’ll stay there until I make it a thing. I haven’t been able to make any music videos because I’m a broke bish but the idea stays in my mind but anyways,) one day I went to @gorillaztrashimagines and asked them if I should create a blog with that gorillaz song fic idea and she thought it was cool so with that validation I did it. I didn’t know how to explain my idea well so I made this whole complicated system for it and once people understood it the way I do, things went off. I started getting a lot of request and followers and in the matter of a couple weeks I went from 100..200…400..800..etc. followers, and getting messages from people saying they loved the idea of the blog/my writing and every time stuff like that or a new follower milestone or a submission or dm comes I get so happy because I feel so welcomed and like I’m making people happy which I absolutely love doing.

I started talking to people like @melancholy-blog-gorillazimagines , @tyrrant , once @imagine-2d and someone names snorillaz who i currently can’t find (all people who I loved talking to but,as mentioned before in another post, I’m afraid to bother people so I try to initiate a conversation and chicken out) and try to connect with my followers every once and a while (I get scared to bother them too, especially when I have writer’s block and can’t give them what this blog is about lol) and whenever I do I just feel like a part of something great and it brings a lil bit of joy to this shitty bump in my life.

So I’m currently at around 970 followers, almost to 1,000 and that’s absolutely insane to me. I’m very happy that a lot of people love my writing since I never get to practice creative writing because of school so I personally don’t feel like I’m the best at it, even though I love doing it. Anywho, I have that, the music and character’s activeness has made me happier than I would’ve been and gets me through a lot. It drowns out background arguments and distracts me from nerves I get during tests, all that. I have a drive other than trying not to disappoint my parents and go to college, like I have a daily motivation to come here and write and interact, and it’s all because of Gorillaz. I realized that during the Demon Dayz festival.

Like, I was watching this livestream and suddenly realized how in the matter of like 3 months all this has happened to me and I have found multiple passions beyond just loving music from Gorillaz and how they’ve made me happy in numerous ways and I just started getting this feeling in my chest. It may be kind of sad on how emotionally connected I’ve become, I’ve been kindly teased by a couple of friends on how quickly I got into Gorillaz but I couldn’t help it. It’s just a cool concept and it has amazing music and active people, what else could you want? Anyways, I just would like to thank Damon and Jamie for making such an amazing thing and bringing joy to so many people, including myself. I’m sorry this is literally an essay and I’m rambling but that performance Damon gave really made me feel things. I’d also like to thank you guys, for giving me prompts and a reason to get up and go through my days other than making my parents proud. This blog has really given me a reason for myself other than someone else which is something I need right now.

I’m gonna shut up now but yeah, just thank you. That’s what Gorillaz and all of you mean to me, I’m sorry if I’ve weirded you out, I’ll probably cringe and delete this later since that’s what I always do whenever I get deep lmao. But yeah <3

[i-like-your-genitalia]

I wanna be *that* person just once... answer all of the questions

Lmao well if you are gonna be that person you better read my answer to every single one of these questions 😂😂😂 (I’ll leave the ones I’ve already answered)

1.) what’s a song you depict with your childhood? N/A
2.) did you have a memorable childhood pet?

Yeah I had two cats and a border collie ♥️
3.) have you ever been drunk?

Fuck yes 
4.) have you ever tried drugs?

Yup, nothing hardcore tho 
5.) have you ever completely regretted what you’ve said?

Pretty much everything that I say 24/7??????? Yeah probably when I told that guy I loved him and he didn’t love me back Ahahah
6.) have you ever made someone cry?

Yeah, though it’s usually from being really funny or making them sad-happy cry 
7.) has someone ever made you cry?

All my friends and most of my family 
8.) have you ever been in love? if so, describe the moment you knew it? N/A

9.) which came first the chicken or the egg?

Considering I believe in god, I’m gonna go with the chicken. 
10.) are you part of the lgbtq+ community? do you support them?

I identify as bi and support all the lgbtq+ community. Everyone deserves to have a support system and find people who are similar and have had similar experiences to them 
11.) how many siblings do you have?

Just the one 
12.) have you ever been in love with someone you couldn’t love? N/A

13.) are you a good cook?

I like to think so, though the number of dishes I can makes probably wants expanding 
14.) what is your favorite tv show?

Omg don’t ask me this 😭😭 Supernatural, Criminal Minds, The OA, 3%, Brooklyn 99, Arrested Development, Broadchurch, Whitechapel, Orphan Black, The Get Down….I have so many and I don’t have a singular favourite! 
15.) what is the last movie you cried during?

Idk, probably beauty and the beast (animated version) I always cry watching that
16.) what are songs you’ve cried to when you first heard them? (if any)

Omg a youtuber who does videos mainly taking the piss. Is actually super into music and can sing and I heard a cover he did of a one direction song and cried! 
17.) do you have a middle name?

I have two even 😂
18.) have you been out of your country?

Lmao definitely 
19.) are you a chocolate fan or not?

Fucking hell yes! I’d die without chocolate tbh 
20.) how many people have you kissed?

Maybe 4????
21.) what is your favorite album?

Forest Hill Drive - J Cole & 4 your eyes only - J Cole 
22.) what is your dream car?

Either an Classic American Muscle car or something from a James Bond film
23.) what is your lucky/favorite number?

18
24.) what is your favorite flower?

Forget me nots or baby’s breath (?)

25.) books or movies, why?

Depends, I love books. But I watch way more movies! So probably movies 
26.) have you ever been on a blind date?

Nope and wouldn’t be that keen to try
27.) has one of your friends ever backstabbed you?

Yup, should have know they were a snake 
28.) have you ever backstabbed one of your friends?

Not purposely, no!
29.) what thing do you symbolize love with?I’m not really sure 
30.) do you have neat handwriting?

Depends on what pen I’m using honestly 
31.) do you have a friend with benefits?

No ahahahah
32.) do you want a friend with benefits?

It would be cool to try, but I feel as though I wouldn’t be able to cope with it 
33.) if you could be anything in the world, what would you be?

Rich
34.) have you ever been blackout drunk?

No, but I’ve had some nights that have been a bit patchy 
35.) have you ever met someone famous?

I met the all blacks team once 
36.) how many concerts have you been to?

One and going to another in October 
37.) which concerts have you been to?

I went to see The Cure and and going to see J Cole soon 🎉
38.) do you have a hidden talent?

I can poke you exactly in the belly button, even if I can’t see where it is 
39.) what do you do when you’re stressed?

Sleep, or procrastinate to the point of even more stress 
40.) do you think money can buy love?

No
41.) how old would you date?

Well I’m 18, almost 19. So I probably wouldn’t date past 25.
42.) have you ever done something illegal?

Probably 
43.) what is your biggest fear?

Being alone 
44.) what is an unusual fear you have?

I don’t really have one 
45.) can you drive?

Yeah but only in New Zealand 
46.) do you believe in supernatural creatures?

For sure 
47.) do you believe in karma?

Definitely, I’m just waiting for a few people to get what they deserve 
48.) what is one quality you need in your partner?

Humour 
49.) do looks matter?

Not particularly, but they definitely help. But in the end it doesn’t matter 
50.) does size matter?

Nope, as long as you are happy
51.) who is the last person you forgave?

My best friend for cracking not even 2 days into Junk free June. Something we are suppose to be doing together lmao 
52.) what is your favorite ice cream flavor?

Oooooooh! Ben and Jerry’s Peanut Butter Cup or Mint chocolate chip 
53.) what languages can you speak besides english?

Unfortunately just English 
54.) ever been on a plane?

Yes, I love planes 
55.) ever been on a boat?

Yeah! 
56.) is there anyone you’ve lost touch with that you wish you hadn’t?

A few people, but it is what it is
57.) are there any friendships you regret?

Surprisingly not that many, but there are a few I wish could have been avoided 
58.) are there any friendships you wish you could make?

Probably with my mutuals and a few people I went to high school with who seem really cool! But it’s too late to try and initiate anything now
59.) have you ever stayed awake for 24 (+) hours?

Yes, and like with my 48 hours awake. I died. I love sleep too much 
60.) have you ever walked outside after 12 am?

Yeah, to get Maccas and because i was too broke to taxi and it was to late for buses 
61.) have you ever seen a sunrise completely through?

Yeah, me and a friend specially got up to watch it! Sat on the room in out sleeping bags to see it! 
62.) are you scared of rollercoasters?

Ahahahahah yes but I still love them 
63.) on a scale of 1-10 how stressed are you usually?

Currently it’s pretty low probably a 2 
64.) do you have any plans this weekend?

Might go clubbing but also might sleep
65.) do you miss anyone right now?

@dysfunctionalgroup
66.) who do you wish you were talking to right now?

I’m already talking to the people I want to be talking to! 
67.) if you could have any superpower, what would it be?

Mind Reading
68.) who is your favorite superhero?

At the moment Iron Man and Wonder Woman 
69.) are you dirty minded?

Ahahahah yes 
70.) what is your favorite song from every decade starting at that 80’s?

Red Red Wine- U2 (80’s)Don’t Speak- No Doubt or Ready or Not- Fugees (all of the 90’s have some good vibes tho so…)Fuck You- Lilly Allen (00’s)Stay with Me- Sam Smith (2010’s) 
71.) how many kids, if any, do you want?

2 ideally but I wouldn’t be opposed to more or less
72.) who is your biggest OTP?

DESTIEL 
73.) what is your favorite food?

All food 
74.) do you want to be married one day?

It would be nice!
75.) dogs or cats?

Both but I probably would go for a cat 
76.) do you drink enough water daily?

I drink so much water, I’m currently at about 3 litres a day 
77.) have you ever seen a shooting star?

Yeah, they are cool! Sadly none of my wishes have been granted 
78.) if you had the opportunity to go to the moon, would you?

I guess 
79.) how many best friends do you have?

I think 4?????
80.) when was the last time you cried?Like 2 days ago, I had really bad period cramps 
81.) have you ever laughed so hard you peed yourself?

Yes ahahahah, it’s always a major concern of mine!
82.) have you ever made anyone laugh so hard they peed? N/A
83.) if you could travel any where in the world, where would you go?

Well I want to go back to New Zealand, but also really want to go and visit Italy again 
84.) what are 3 words you would use to describe yourself?

Funny, Kind and Cuddly 
85.) do you consider yourself a loyal person?

I like to think so 
86.) what is your favorite season and why?

Summer, I love the heat and the fashion, I like going to the beach and chilling by pool! I like day drinking and being lazy! I like seeing the sun and having long days! 
87.) have you ever told anyone you loved them, and didn’t mean it?

Yes, and there are few who I know have done the same back 
88.) do you know how to play any instruments?

I can technically play the piano but not very well
89.) do like like falling asleep to music or not?

Depends on my mood and the music 
90.) what are you allergic to?

Nothing that I know of
91.) have you ever wanted to be someone else for a day just so you could see what there life is like?

Yeah, anyone famous or rich tbh
92.) if you could be any character from your favorite tv show would you, and if so, who would you be?

I really don’t know 😒
93.) if you could be best friends with any celebrity who would it be and why?

Definitely want to be friends with Rhianna or Chance the Rapper they seem like a lot time honestly! And can’t go wrong with someone who’s always gonna have good music going! But also love to have Misha Collins as a bestie 
94.) are you outgoing?

When I want to be! 
95.) have you ever wanted to kiss someone, but weren’t brave enough to?

Yes 
96.) are you a good flirt?

When I’m not being awkward and putting my foot in my mouth yes! 
97.) have you ever been turned down, or have you ever turned anyone down?
Yes to both

98.) which planet is your favorite? N/A
99.) are you superstitious?

A little bit but not majorly 
100.) are you a good listener?

I think so! 
101.) are you a good kisser

I don’t know, probably just average! I don’t get that much practise 
102.) would you kiss any of your friends?

All of them!!!!! Well @dysfunctionalgroup and maybe a couple of others who I know wouldn’t take it seriously if I kissed them!

[lightchillvibes]

My Year With BTS

I will admit I am a little late with this post since I had my “one year anniversary” with bts in April since I started listening to them in April of 2017 but since the year is almost over why not post this?!

(Also I just noticed that the read more does not work on mobile phones/app? So I’m sorry for the amount of scrolling you’re about to do if you are on phone)

How it all started

It all started when I started looking for audios for video edits that I make on Instagram and came across an audio called “Not Today”. I liked the small clip that I heard so I went ahead and checked out the whole song. That’s when I noticed that it was by a group called BTS. 

I had known who BTS was because I had seen them on twitter but I never really paid much attention to them. Until I watched the “Not Today” MV. It was a very catchy song and it had beautiful guys along with awesome dancing. 

This of course caused me to go ahead and watch all their MV’s. Out of all their songs I got addicted to “War of Hormones.” That was my favorite song for the longest time and it was on 24/7. 

(Even though I hated it the first time I listened to it. No Joke)

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First Bias

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Mr.JK was the one who caught my attention and my heart.

IDK what it was but my eyes would always go to him whenever I watched something bts related. He was (still is) cute, funny, hot and could rap and sing. He basically had everything. That was until Taehyung decided to slide into my life without me knowing it. (Sorry Jungkook)

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I don’t exactly know when or how Tae caught my attention but he did. I’m pretty sure he one day decided that he wanted me to start paying more attention to him and BOOM! 

It might’ve been when I watched the “Fire” MV but he just stole the whole show. I especially loved how kind and sweet he was personality wise. He was also goofy which never failed to make me smile and it didn’t help that in 0.5 seconds he could go from cute to hot. Till this day he still is my Bias.

(Don’t get me started on his deep voice ommggg.)

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Bias Wreckers

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I won’t go into too much detail with this since I made a post about it here .

My two Bias wreckers are Namjoon and Jin. The parents basically. Namjoon stays attacking me 24/7 and Jin with his winks and kisses kills me every single time. 

P.S Jin’s voice is not appreciated enough. I love his voice. In my opinion his voice is unique and I could listen to it 24/7. 

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First Album

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My first bts album was the “Her” album and I managed to get all 4 versions which I will forever be thankful for. It was a weird, confusing and awesome experience. Especially since I didn’t know I could’ve gotten the album at a cheaper price. Since it was my first time ordering a Kpop album I ordered it from the official website and it wasn’t cheap.  I have learned my lesson and now I don’t really order from official websites anymore since they are pricey especially with the shipping.

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Confusion

When I first got into the fandom there wasn’t much confusion for me. I was here mainly for the music but I got sucked into all the little inside jokes and memes. 

At first I didn’t quite understand the roles every member had 

- Namjoon = Dad

- Jin = Mom

But eventually I realized why they had that title and how it fitted so well with them.

There was a time period where I got Suga and Jhope mixed up. I thought Suga was Jhope and Jhope was Suga. Took me a while to get used to calling them with their correct names but now I can tell them apart, thankfully. 

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The Future

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I am so happy and amazed with how far they have come and I am grateful to say that I started listening to them before they were “big” because that gave me time to see who they were, not as artist but as people. 

I’m not hating on you if you got into the fandom during the “Love Yourself Era” but for me I truly do feel like I wouldn’t have been able to join the fandom if I had started listening to them during that era. It would’ve been too much for me to handle. Especially since a lot of new things would’ve been thrown my way. 

I joined the fandom a little bit after the Not Today era (YNWA) and by that point the boys were getting noticed more and more but I managed to still see them before they were huge stars. I’ve enjoyed watching them rise and sell out concerts and pass records with the amount of albums they have sold. I hope to see more of that in the future. And of course I also want them to get a good amount of rest and to not stress themselves out.

We all know that Army’s have taken over the world but we have to remember that we are here to spread happiness and kindness not hate. With more and more Army’s joining the fandom the negativity has also grown. I’m not blaming the new Army’s for this because immature Army’s can be found during different time periods of the boys career. Starting fanwars and hating on other groups is childish and it needs to stop.

 It makes me happy to see that our positivity is beating out the negativity and that’s all that matters. 

(And our streaming matters as well of course)

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