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twistedastrology · 5 months ago

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Hello there!

Can you talk more about aries mercury? so...not the fool card? Even though they don't "think things through" before speaking? It seems to me aries in mercury is either over-emotional, too forward, too logical, too passionate and so many contradictory things all at once. I would REALLY love to hear what you think about that. Please.

Btw, Capricorn Mercury seems to be the most 'useful' mercury in terms of external/social benefits, in the sense that they have a constant filter that makes them gain respect by others easily. I don't necessarily like their minds to be honest, and they're generally not interested in lots of topics but I have to recognise how handy it could come to people who don't get to wish to discuss/delve deeper in various topics.

I have multiple cap mercuries in my life btw including friends, colleagues and my dear mother with whom--even though she's a Gemini Moon--barely manages to have hobbies of her own or participate in games.

I feel like cap mercury is perfect on the outside, but overly influenced by society's standards, rules and appearance on the inside bc of that filter. Like they don't really "think for themselves"? They're much more focused on appearances than on the content of a text, speech and mercury matters.

Sorry for the ramble. Also, discovered ur blog today and I love the authenticity.

love love love love LOOOOOVE this ask thank u so so much omg- mercury stuff is one of my absolute favorite things to yap abt in astrology and i consider it kinda my specialty bc im mercury dominant myself so 🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳

let's start with aries mercury- in my experience, people with aries mercury aren't necessarily impulsive when it comes to their thoughts or how they talk, unless the rest of the chart says otherwise (mercury square mars especially could do this imo)

my mom has her mercury in 25° aries (so an aries degree) and she's like 99% fire with a cap rising that doesn't do a whole lot bc it's SUUUUUPER intercepted by aquarius- Like literally her whole 1st house is engulfed by aquarius but her asc line is in cap so 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

she's the perfect example of an aries mercury in my opinion- she literally Cannot sit still for longer than like. an hour at best. even my gemini finds it slightly annoying but i just follow her around whenever we're talking 😭😭😭

she also has her sun and venus both in aries (venus conjunct mercury) so she's very aries dominant, and she's not very confrontational or impulsive at all- she's not really quick to anger either like stereotypical aries is, but she is pretty easily irritated id say 😵‍💫

in terms of mercury specifically, you can just See the aries influence in like everything she does- her organization isn't the neatest, but she has to have everything put away otherwise she'll lose her mind and she literally can't focus until the kitchen is clean or something-

her mercury goes a MILE a minute just like mine does so in talking to her, we can go from something very normal to the most out of nowhere conversation you could ever imagine- And we have mercury sextile mercury together (albeit a wide orb bc my mercury is 1° gemini 😵‍💫) so somehow we understand the other's chaos perfectly and actually manage to reel the other in without actually doing anything-

shockingly, where my gemini will get incredibly confused and overwhelmed, her aries will come in clutch- a good example of this is a while ago we were playing fallout 76 and if u dont know, in that game u have a stash box with limited storage capacity and it's inevitable that it'll fill up eventually so u have to get rid of a whole bunch of stuff to bring it back down-

i literally got so overwhelmed by that to the point of tears and my dad tried to help (his mercury is in taurus btw) and he literally couldn't bc i refused to open up to him tbh- so he went and got my mom and just her Being in the same Room with me got my mercury to sort its shit out- like she saw everything so clearly and directly, very aries, whereas i was overwhelmed by all the details, very gemini.

so i think aries mercury is actually a Really good placement especially if you have strong aspects to back it up- it can make you see complicated things very simply and clearly OR the opposite sometimes 😵‍💫 it Can make you overlook details and not understand something when it isn't perfectly direct- and i also notice that, at least with my mom, her aries mercury makes her a Little less good with people- only because a lot of people aren't as clear and concise as she would like them to be, and that's when i have to help her figure out what they mean 😭

i think aries mercuries do actually think things through before they speak, they just think so fast that it Seems like they don't- similar to gemini mercuries actually 😵‍💫

i also dont think they're overly emotional or hot-headed as per the aries stereotypes- i think they're actually a lot more calculated than we give them credit for especially since mars is the god of war, and to win a war you need strategy (personally i think aries rules the sun, but mars makes sense here so 😮‍💨)

ANYWYA in terms of CAPRICORN!!!!!

i have observed quite a few capricorn mercuries so i am extremely glad u brought them up-

i think what u said abt capricorn mercuries being the most useful in terms of social benefits is actually kinda real- i do notice that Most capricorn mercuries are similar to libra mercuries in that they are generally very respectful of the things they talk about, at least if they actually respect them 😵‍💫

i have 3 different capricorn mercuries that im using as examples in my head right now- jonathan davis, awsten knight and bill wurtz- if you've seen any of them in interviews, you'll notice they're all very different with the way they talk but i think jonathan davis and awsten knight are the most similar in the respect thing-

those two are both so charismatic and polite in my opinion- and bill wurtz is too but he's a lot more like what you would think an aries mercury would be like- he's very high-strung, at least in the interview i saw, and has a lot of nervous energy and talks So Fast and yet it still seems like his mouth cant keep up with his brain-

awsten is pretty similar, he's got adhd (same 😵‍💫) and talks pretty fast but his pace seems a little closer to a gemini mercury. it's slightly slower most of the time but the speed at which he talks and thinks seems to vary based on what he's talking about.

jonathan is very cap coded to me with the way he talks, and im silly for him rn so i have done extensive research 💔💔💔 But he seems very methodical, yet playful with how he talks and thinks- methodical but you can tell his brain is fully capable of that uranus level speed at the same time 😭😭😭

i think overall cap mercuries absolutely depend on the rest of the chart bc if u saw my beef with earth signs post (or newsletter!!), u'll have seen where i said earth placements are outlines waiting to be colored in by the rest of the chart-

so if someone has too many earth placements or like- a taurus-influenced cap mercury, i can Absolutely see how they could be someone who doesn't seem to think for themselves, or even thinks too Much about themselves-

i also think the smaller range of interests could actually make sense for a cap mercury because saturn is very much about mastery, so the mercury, unless influenced by another element that says otherwise, would hyperfixate on one thing until it masters it instead of a gemini or aries mercury which is more jack of all trades.

i hope this made sense and again thank u soooooo so much for this ask i really enjoyed this topic and if u have any other questions please feel free to send me them!!!!! i love when ppl send me questions it makes me rly happy 😭😭😭😭

#astrologer #astrology #astro community #astro observations #zodiac #outer planets #mercury astrology #mercury #mercury signs #aries #capricorn #gemini #ask

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ohsonowyouwantahazel · 2 months ago

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the barbie movie (2023)

(dated: jul 24 2023) (repost)

things it did well:

heels!?!?!?!

actual plasticness of everything

the doctor barbie is trans T_T

nothing could have prepared you for the last line of the movie. at all.

THE FAT BARBIE (yes. fat. normalise it.) is a friggin lawyer.

black president barbie!!!

weird barbie being included and also, her house is way more cooler.

barbie and the mother having a moment.

the daughter going from irritating but smart teen critic to rooting for her mother.

barbie and ken DO NOT end up together. aroace coded barbie.

"you're so beautiful" "i know it :]"

that scene happening right after barbie looks at everyone in the park and sees both happiness and loneliness and gets a glimpse of the contradicting nature of reality.

ken's conversion to partriarchy as a way for desperate approval from the people he's told he's made for

JOHN CENA AS MERMAID KEN

HE CRIES. KEN CRIES.

barbie crying genuinely.

depression barbie watching pap

the idea of ordinary barbie (and stereotypical barbie turning into the normal barbie that's just human)

the comment about margot robbie being ugly jsbdjrbajsnfn

trying to put. barbie. in a box. i think greta went off w that.

the huge speech by america no matter how hsjshdhdbnas it might have felt to anyone.

someone said, once she discovers her memories are of gloria, she stops trying to convince her and instead just takes her to barbieland and in not convincing she validates gloria's feelings. wow.

men being treated in barbieland the way women are being treated in real world (it doesn't come off as a bad thing abt women because at its core, the barbieland runs on the ideas of the real world. you can understand that when you talk about ken's weird monologue.)

things that could have been better:

the pacing of the movie // okay, i think they did like 80% of what they could do in a mattel movie and seeing the smaller and minor details, maybe it isn't that badly paced.

smoother audio and visual transitions despite the entire thing being made to be fake

ending montage of all those women should have been done better

barbie montage should have been better, more focused on everyone but maybe it's a good thing it isn't because it would have contributed to consumerism

the entire movie IS a commercial for barbie but i don't think that should let people dismiss the resonance people feel with it

mattel you better fucking release ordinary barbie (despite how much i am beginning to hate consumerism)

the ken monologue was terrible sorry. felt so cringey and cliche because it should be handled better and sent across a message the way it did for barbie.

gloria's character should have had more depth

entire movie needed more depth. if. it wasn't for the superficial dialoguing no one would connect w barbie except in the scenes she cries and feels she isn't enough

there were so many parts that felt like the movie was stuck

the mattel team - completely. useless.

the both good and bad is that the movie is a /quasi self critique/ but it still heavily promotes consumerism. despite that, i would rather people watch a movie that discusses feminism and how exhausting it is to be a woman rather than any other patriarchal garbage if all art is going to be commercialistic anyway.

#movie: barbie (2023)#on a different note: absolutely do not endorse this movie beyond the basic intro feminism it gives #because the movie is still deeply consumerist #only rbing posts user wants saved for critique purposes #pierate everything y'all!#shoju reacts #this is very obviously a repost and clearance sale post sesh

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bylertruther · 2 years ago

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what do you think about will's line "you make [me] feel like [I'm] not a mistake at all" coming after the rain fight? he was devastated by the rain fight and thought of himself as stupid because of what mike said to him about not liking girls. he also destroyed castle byers because he was so hurt by mike's words. how does that fit into will's perception of mike as someone who has never made him feel like a mistake and who makes him feel better for being different?

(I really hope this ask doesn't come across as anti-mike or anti-byler bc I love mike and I love the ship so much, I'm just trying to understand how will's clear hurt after the rain fight and the distance from mike in lenora connects to the van scene and I'm asking you because you seem to have a good grasp on will's character)

warning: this is Extremely Long and i am Extremely Sorry, but the rain fight and what it means for their characters is one of my favorite things to talk about ever and so i have So Many Things to say abt it. sorry i lov u don't bite me pls.

no, i think it's totally fair to ask that! seriously, don't worry at all about how you come across. i don't agree with the idea that liking something = never acknowledging its flaws, so i'm always down to discuss stuff like this. i'm going to dive deep into my interpretation of the rain fight, because i feel i need to express that first in order to answer your question fully.

if i'm honest, back when it aired, the rain fight was what 100% struck down any microscopic crumb-of-a-crumb of hope that i had for byler in Any capacity, platonic or not. i finished the season and then didn't give a single shit about the show as a whole afterward, because i felt like it was such a slap in the face. not only to will, but mike, too, considering this is a character that's stood by will's side against all sorts of monsters, whether they were middle school homophobic bullies or eldritch monsters.

at the time, it was exceedingly difficult to reconcile the mike i loved and the mike i was seeing on screen, but i feel a little more clear on it now. i could be totally wrong, clouded by my own bias and perception, but here's how i see it all.

the rain fight hurt me more than anything in the entire show, because of how real it is and how neither of them are objectively wrong.

mike is in his very first relationship. it's shiny, exciting, and new. he's kissing all day, getting a rise out of authority figures, and having enough fun that he spends All of his time with her. it's not a serious relationship, but he's a kid, el is the first girl ever that isn't repulsed by him, they have an Insane trauma bond, and she's his "superman". it's not serious but it's Serious 2 Him, you know? he feels like a Big Boy now and he hides from his Very Bad Do-NOT-Touch-Or-EVER-Think-About Trauma behind this relationship. it makes him feel like he's moving forward.

will is feeling a similar sense of exhilaration and freedom. the gate was closed and the upside down has fled their world for good. hooray! he can finally be a teen again! he can finally be his version of Normal now, aka the will he was before the upside down! no more now memories, true sight, or fear that Something will come to get him, whether physically or mentally. he's a hostage unchained basically. it's summer, he has his party, and he just wants to have a good time with them. he just wants to be happy, live a little, and feel safe.

mike is seeking safety and reprieve in a girlfriend and will is seeking safety and reprieve in his friends.

but then...

mike's turning point:

mike is told that if he wants to continue to see el, he has to lie to her. so he does and then his Serious 2 Him relationship is over in a very unserious blink of an eye lol. he doesn't know how to win her back, because he doesn't actually know her, and he's understandably upset because he Wants To Have A Girlfriend Again because she's his Crutch.

he Needs her to feel Normal, but she does Not need him, which canonically makes him jealous. remember that this is something Super Important to his character, because having a girlfriend means he's Cool and Normal and Needed, which are more important than water and food to mike right now. i reiterate this, because that's mike's Entire Thing Since Forever. he Needs to keep up the act, because he doesn't like who he is without it as we learn in s4. he Needs it, desperately.

as such, this has him out of sorts and he seeks out lucas's help to win her back. we know mike, which means we know that he can get tunnel vision when he fears he might lose someone. so, this aggravates his already-negligent behaviors ("i was worrying too much about el" [paraphrased], "it's been like this all summer") and he turns into a Super Shitty Friend.

... i was going to go over will's turning point, but his journey is pretty clear, i think. everyone has a girlfriend and they all want to do girlfriend activities and they canonically forget about him in the process. he's there and yet no one sees him. ouch. lets fast forward to the fight.

will has reached his breaking point, because this campaign he's worked so hard on and is putting genuine effort into to make engaging for his friends is being treated like a joke. they're not laughing with him; his friends, his best friends are laughing at him. and that fucking Hurts. he's been trying to get them to do things they used to do, he's been trying to have fun with them in any capacity, and now that they're here... he's the fucking joke of the hour and they're quite literally jumping up and running at any opportunity to cast him aside.

so, you know what? fine. whatever. you guys win; i give up. have fun with the girls. i'm going home. lucas is shocked to the point of speechlessness at how upset will is, but mike immediately jumps into action. he softens, tries to go back to the game in earnest this time with lucas, and goes after him - almost trampling lucas - when his pleas are ignored.

will was invisible (to all, to mike) until he wasn't. (something about being careful what you wish for..?)

now, we fast forward again to the moment when will's heart is torn in two: "it's not my fault you don't like girls!"

first, let me say this: michael wheeler is a fucking bitch. we know this and we love him for it even when it hurts. that was a shitty thing to say, but... that does not make him The Shittiest Boy Alive, Ever. not even a little bit.

in season three, mike is a teenager behaving like a teenager. he felt ambushed by will's feelings and like it wasn't fair that this was all on him. ("you're the heart / without heart, we'd all fall apart"; again, the party is his responsibility, "but why is this all on me? why am i the bad guy?"; mike always has to be the leader, carrying the party on his back, but he himself doesn't get to unwind which is unfair in his eyes.) he isn't privy to will's journey like we are; he's caught up in his own world and his own shit, remember? he doesn't react super well, but will is yelling at him, very upset over something He Didn't Even Know He Was Doing All This Time ("you knew she was having trouble for a year and didn't tell me" aka this is where the "will doesn't tell mike the truth until it's too late" pattern begins), and telling him that he's the one ruining the party over some stupid girl, aka his (ex-)girlfriend, aka the girl that saved their lives, aka the girl that saved the Entire world twice so maybe don't call her stupid, will. (mike always sticks up for people, so of course he isn't going to react well to el being called stupid here, even by will.)

he shouldn't have said it, but mike is knee-jerk, cornered-animal reacting to will putting this all on mike's shoulders at the very last second after never having given him a chance to fix any of his actions. will bottled this all up and then exploded on him. of course mike isn't going to react well. of course he's going to put his foot in his mouth and say the first thing that comes to mind.

because in his mind, it really isn't his fault that will doesn't like girls lol. and it isn't HIS sole fault that the party is falling apart. not everything has to land on HIS shoulders. not everything has to be HIS responsibility.

he's a kid going through his own shit, that's lashing out at someone for lashing out at him first. it was shitty, it hurt will to his core, but i don't think mike meant to be cruel. he immediately backed down, tried to explain himself rationally (that they're all just changing and will should've expected that bc it's not like they can be the same kids forever), and then went after will (literally across town, on bikes, in the pouring rain and thunder, to his house and then to castle byers) to apologize.

he doesn't do this with anyone else—not even lucas or his own girlfriend. and when he does apologize? it's because someone is forcing him to, walking him through it, or because they did it first. mike doesn't ever make the first move or humble himself first... unless it's will. then he suddenly knows exactly what to do and what will needs from him. because he knows will and he listens to will.

everything that he did for will in that scene is precisely, word-for-word, what max told eleven that he'd do for her In The Same Episode just moments prior—but he didn't. he didn't!

he did everything he was "supposed to" without guidance or hesitation or headassery... for will.

when eleven confronts mike in season four and tells him he never says i love you, mike responds, very seriously, with "i say it." and you know what? i agree with him wholeheartedly.

mike loves will more than anyone. we're shown very clearly from the very beginning that the only person in the show that rivals his love, devotion, and loyalty for will is joyce. and will knows this! that's why mike is his bestest best friend! that's why he's hopelessly in love with him! because "max, dustin, and lucas, they're great..." but they're not mike! no one treats will the way mike does, and mike doesn't treat anyone the way he treats will! they're perfect for each other and will knows this! that's why he expected and wanted a future with mike!

and... he thought that mike wanted that, too. because THAT'S the crux of the rain fight. it isn't that will is gay. it's that will thought mike wanted Crazy Together, too! it's right there in the dialogue, what it is that they're really fighting about:

MIKE: I mean, what did you think, really? That we were never going to get girlfriends? We were just gonna sit in my basement all day and play games for the rest of our lives? WILL: Yeah. I guess I did. I really did.

the fight is representative of an amalgamation of things and it cuts will's life into yet another before and after, but the point isn't that will doesn't like girls. the point was that will really thought it was always going to be them together—he thought they both wanted that; that that would be the one thing that never changed, even if they and everything else around them did.

when will is looking at a picture of them and saying "stupid.. so stupid" and RIPS IT DOWN THE MIDDLE BETWEEN HIM AND MIKE, with the memories that Start And End With Mike And His Voice Being The Focal Point, i interpret it as him feeling stupid enough to think that his feelings, his wants, and his dreams were ever reciprocated. stupid enough to believe that mike really did mean crazy together in every single way. that he meant it the way that will meant it and had always meant it.

mike is the one that brings up forever and will confirms it. he says yes, i did want that with you and i thought you wanted it, too. their argument ends there, because THAT was the real issue. You Got A Girlfriend And Replaced Me With Her; Something I Never Thought We Would Do To Each Other. THAT'S (!!!!!) the issue. THAT'S why mike looks so devastated afterward. THAT'S why he bikes in the rain to apologize. THAT'S why he looks so sheepish when will puts his dnd book in the donation box, why he's worried that Will Is Going To Replace Him With Someone Else!!! because their rain fight was about the fact that it was no longer him and mike against the world!! mike got a girlfriend and broke their unspoken promise!!

THAT'S why mike repeats "we're friends. we're. friends." at rink-o-mania, why he tried calling him all the time for Months (he felt like he'd lost will the same way that will felt like he'd lost mike last summer, their roles were perfectly and exactly reversed here), why he said that hawkins wasn't the same without him / there's no one like you, why he said they should be a team again (an Us, a We, Crazy Together; curiously after his gf breaks up with him lmao). it's the same fight all over again. "i lost you" / "i'm right here." + "friends... best friends." / "not possible." it's always about loss with these two.

that's why i feel like the rain fight doesn't contradict will's van confession. i think will's line of thinking is that mike can't help how he feels; aka, "i can't blame him for not returning my feelings / outgrowing our childhood love". and him not returning will's feelings doesn't make will feel like a mistake.

what made will feel like a mistake was his desire to go back to how things were and the realization that that was impossible. will tears down castle byers because it's too full of everything he once had and he learned the hard way that There Is No Going Back, There Is Only Going Forward. the theme of s3 is about change and will realizes this in the most heartbreaking way possible.

i hate the idea of anyone reconstructing castle byers, because the point is that will outgrew it. he can't hide through escapism in dnd or in castle byers. he has to build a life that he loves and feels safe enough in that he Doesn't Need a castle byers. (that's why s4 has him coming out of his shell wrt his sexuality and wanting to be open and honest about it as much as he can be with the ones that he loves and trusts, and he'll continue/conclude that journey in s5).

in season three:

mike learns that he doesn't Need eleven (see: how happy he was with will especially at the end, seemingly on good terms, and giddy still as he told el abt them coming over for christmas [note how he mentioned playing games in their basement for the rest of their lives in their fight vs how he's making plans to have them both over so they can play with their gifts {aka he's still thinking of will bc he Wants that future with him, too, deep down}]) ... until she kisses him, tells him she loves him, and then his brain breaks and all hell breaks lose again because the byers are literally leaving in just a couple minutes so how the FUCK is he going to deal with any of that, AND THEN in s4 when he does seem okay with being broken up with again he's then 1) reminded that she's his responsibility and 2) he needs to save her because if he doesn't then the world literally goes to hell and they all fucking die. so. yanno. that's tough. mike takes two beautiful steps forward and then gets pulled fifty steps back every time.

and will learns that hiding is not the same thing as living and that he needs to stop that if he wants to be able to move forward (see: "he's good at hiding", using dnd as an escape vs him giving away his dnd books + hopper's letter and the cave metaphor + being more open in s4 and wanting to "come clean" about being gay + the gay-coded advice he gives mike abt truth and fear).

mike definitely hurt him, but that's one moment out of a million where he's otherwise made will feel strong, loved, and capable, and will has told us that much himself more than once. will doesn't fault mike for wanting something else, someone else. he loves him without any expectation of it being reciprocated in that way.

he loves him, just because; because mike has always loved him and shown him a kindness and mercy like no other; because mike has known what he is and loved him anyway; because mike came to him and told him he didn't deserve anything after their fight, that hawkins wasn't the same without him, that the past year was weird without him, that he's more to mike than any of their other friends even after all this time, that they should be a team again as they face the end of the world together without superman's help.

because no matter what... they always love each other in a way that no one else does. even if will wants more than that, even if he aches with it, he still knows that what he has with mike is so special as it is. and that's enough for him.

mike didn't treat him any differently when their biggest concern was some mouthbreather calling him a fairy and he didn't treat him any differently after the upside down when everyone walked on eggshells around him, thinking he was about to break. mike has always treated him like a person that is strong and loved, and one sentence in the middle of a fight during a very stressful time for both of them doesn't diminish a history bursting with love.

i think what will fears isn't mike knowing he's gay, but mike knowing how will actually feels about him. i say this, because of the van confession and this line of will's in particular:

Sometimes I think it's just scary to open up like that. To say how you really feel, especially to people you care about the most. Because, what if… what if they don't like the truth?

this is played with the [tender, emotional music] which we know the sound directors used for intimate moments. will is also gauging mike's reaction here, giving him a searching kind of look, like he's testing the waters. will doesn't know this, but we as viewers know that this is a conversation about mike not being able to tell eleven he loves her. it isn't a reach to say then that will is talking not about being gay, but specifically about "how [he] really [feels]" about mike. that's what scares him: his unreciprocated crush, not his sexuality.

the duffers have said that will is trying to make himself be understood in the van scene and that will cries because mike doesn't get it. if he thought that mike was a homophobe, he wouldn't want to share this about himself. instead, mike makes him feel better for his otherness in all its shades. he wants to tell mike, because he wants to be honest with him and release some of that burden from his chest. but he's scared. he's so, so unbelievably fucking scared.

because, it's exactly as will says: "what if [he doesn't] like the truth?" what if that ruins the friendship that they just rebuilt? what if eleven finds out and then it's Even More Weird and Uncomfortable for everyone involved?

and considering how self-sacrificing will is... i feel like that's his other biggest concern regarding that entire clusterfuck. he loves them both. he doesn't want to hurt them or come between what he Thinks they have, because that'd be selfish and will isn't ever selfish even when he should be.

will's line about mike making him feel better for being different has canon support from season one and two. mike's outburst in season three is an outlier in his otherwise spotless record of loving will byers to an unhinged degree. even in season four, we see that mike never stopped reaching out to will. it was will who never reached out and mike was understandably upset about that, but even then he did try to include will afterward only to get iced out which "sabotaged the whole day" in his eyes. will didn't know this, though, and that's why he behaved the way that he did. still, will knows who mike is when he's not pretending and he wants mike to know who he is when he's not hiding. the rain fight hurt will indescribably, yes, but not because of the "it's not my fault you don't like girls" line in the way that it's understandably interpreted. so... i think it all fits together just fine.

#i could write essays on essays on essays on epic poems abt the rain fight bro don't get me STARTEDDDDDDDD #believe it or not this was me holding back 2 the point where i had to take so much out n try to condense it.#byler #byler analysis #asks #long post #mine

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bluejayblueskies · 3 years ago

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Please say more abt how Martin fits the closed off trait I'm begging 👁👁

Okay, so I got a bit carried away with this and it got quite lengthy....

I've put a TLDR above the cut and the details, transcripts, and general discussion below the cut!

TLDR: Martin is at his core a closed-off character who keeps his vulnerable feelings hidden and close to his chest. He instead focuses on caring for others and considering their feelings above his own, particularly in the case of Jon, who he cares for (sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice) throughout the podcast. His arc with the Lonely in season four and his interactions with Jon in season five demonstrate this lack of emotional vulnerability, and it's really only during the moments he spends by himself that we get significant insight into Martin's emotional state and inner thoughts.

Martin, to me, is a character who is very used to hiding how he feels. He tends to care for others at the expense of himself, has low self-esteem, and has a predilection towards the Lonely, all of which go hand-in-hand with somebody who is very used to hiding their emotions--particularly the negative ones--because they either think they're not important or that they're inconvenient and inappropriate for the situation. On a textual level, that's probably due to growing up with a sick (and likely unsupportive) mother who he had to take care of, where there was 'no time' for his emotions to get in the way or for him to prioritize himself in any way, shape, or form.

Martin is self-destructive, dislikes moments of emotional vulnerability, and (I would argue) genuinely struggles when he doesn't have somebody else to prioritize over himself. (His mother at first, but as the series goes on, Jon settles comfortably into this role for him.) Additionally, the biggest way that we, the audience, know anything about Martin's emotional state is when he's alone and self-reflecting (such as in MAG 170 and 186 or when talking to the tapes) or when he's forced to talk about something vulnerable (such as when Jon confronted him about his CV).

We don't get much insight into Martin's character between seasons one and three (at least not as much as we get in four and five), but I find myself drawn to this bit in MAG 118, when Martin is talking to Elias:

MARTIN

So what? I don’t get to be angry? I don’t get to burn things? Just, just run around, making tea, while everyone else gets to actually have feelings?

I think two things are important to note here. The first is that Elias is surprised (or least intrigued) that Martin is acting in this way--specifically, acting on his emotions in such a dramatic way. (And given that Martin is doing this as a distraction, rather than actually acting out because of his own emotions, maybe he's right to be surprised.) The second is that this line very much implies that Martin doesn't talk about how he's feeling, not like 'everyone else' does. He doesn't talk about it, doesn't act on it--just 'runs around, making tea.' And when Melanie comes back in after Elias is done, Martin immediately focuses on the plan and whether it succeeded, ignoring Melanie when she asks if he's okay or not. He closes himself off, and as far as we know, doesn't talk about it at all after that.

And then Jon goes into his coma, and we reach season four.

Martin is incredibly closed-off during season four. He's self-isolating, self-sacrificial, and approaching a state of genuine emotional numbness by the time he's cast into the Lonely. There's a lot to unpack there, but I'm going to focus on a few main things, many of which can be drawn from this bit in MAG 158:

MARTIN

It’s not him! It’s not anybody. It’s just me. Always has been. I…

When I first came to you, I thought I had lost everything. Jon was dead, my mother was dead, the job I had put everything into trapped me into spreading evil and I… I really didn’t care what happened to me. I told myself I was trying to protect the others, but… honestly we didn’t even like each other. Maybe I just thought joining up with you would be a good way to get killed.

And then… Jon came back, and… and suddenly I had a reason I had to keep your attention on me. Make you feel in control so you didn’t take it out on him. And if that meant drifting further away, so what? I’d already grieved for him. And if it meant now saving him, it was worth it.

When you started talking about the Extinction, though… you had me actually, then, for a while. But then – (laughs sardonically) then, you tried to make me the hero. Tried to sell me on the idea that I was the only one who could stop it. And that I’ve never sat right with me. I mean, I mean, look – look at me, I’m not exactly a – a chosen one. But by then I was in too deep. So I played along. Waited to see what your end game was, and here we are.

Funny. Looks like I was right the first time. It’s probably still a good way to get killed?

This monologue is a big insight into Martin's thought process during this season, and I'm mostly going to focus on two parts: the self-sacrifice and the prioritization of Jon.

Self-sacrifice

There's quite a bit of discussion about Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies, but less so about Martin's, both in this season and in season five. In my opinion, Jon's self-sacrificial tendencies originate from (among other things) survivor's guilt from his traumatic childhood experience with Mr. Spider, his increasing belief that he's less than human, and the fact that he prioritizes the lives of others over his own. Martin's self-sacrificial tendencies, while very similar, come from the fact that he thinks he only has worth if he can help and care for someone else and the fact that he doesn't think he's important enough to live. (For example, he says in MAG 158 that he's 'not exactly a chosen one' and says in MAG 198 that he's 'not important enough to kill.')

It's a subtle difference between these two things, and I would argue that while Jon's tendencies are more rooted in the 'help' (ie, 'I want to help other people and I will sacrifice myself to do it'), Martin's tendencies are more rooted in the 'hurt' (ie, 'I will sacrifice myself and other people will be helped in the process'). There is, of course, overlap, and it's not a black-and-white distinction between the two, but ultimately, I think Martin is so used to prioritizing others' emotions and needs above his own that when he's left mostly alone as he is at the end of season three, with the only person left to hold onto being in a coma (possibly forever), he falls back into the same patterns of self-destruction and closed-offness, only without the 'help' to go along with the 'hurt' because there is nobody left to help (especially after his mother dies). Ultimately, he joins up with Peter because he thinks it 'would be a good way to get killed.'

Prioritization of Jon

But then Jon wakes up from his coma, and now Martin has justification for his self-sacrifice again, because he can protect Jon by continuing to work with Peter!

... Maybe.

Jon isn't harmed by Peter during season four, sure, but he does climb into the coffin and visits Ny-Ålesund and is tracked down by Julia and Trevor and struggles emotionally and morally with his own humanity and is hurt, in a way, by the distance Martin puts between them. And I hesitate to place blame for the apocalypse on anybody but Jonah, but if we're going to argue in-canon that Jon was responsible for the apocalypse (he wasn't, but that's not the point of this post), then Martin contributed to that blame and responsibility because it was his actions and decisions that ultimately drew Jon into the Lonely and resulted in him getting the 14th and final mark. (Again, I don't think Jon or Martin are at fault for the apocalypse, but if we were to blame Jon, we could blame Martin as well.) It was only after getting that mark that Jonah was able to use Jon to end the world, something that was hugely hurtful for Jon. So did Martin really protect Jon at all by staying away from him and continuing to work with Peter? Or was that just a convenient excuse to keep self-destructing?

Jon and Martin, in my opinion, had very similar arcs in season four. Martin was sinking further into the Lonely and Jon was sinking further into the Eye. We hear a lot more about Jon's emotional struggle with this given that he's the POV character, sure, but Jon also talks about this with other people. He talks about it to Helen (MAG 152):

JON

…

When does it stop?

HELEN

(impatient) What?

JON

The guilt. The misery. All the others I’ve met, they’ve been – cold, cruel. They’ve enjoyed what they do. When does the Eye (inhale) make me monstrous?

And to Daisy (MAG 136):

JON

My – (large sigh) My memories of the coma are not clear, but I know I made a choice; I made a choice to become… something else. Because I was afraid to die. But ever since then, I – I don’t know if I made the right decision; I’m stronger now, tougher, I can – (he cuts himself off) If I do die, now, or get sealed away somewhere forever? I don’t know if that’s a bad thing. And I don’t want to lose anyone else, so if I can maybe – stop that happening, and the only danger is to me, I – I’ll do it in a heartbeat; worst case scenario, the universe loses another monster.

But all we really get from Martin are the things he tells the tapes when he's alone and the monologue he gives in MAG 158. It makes sense that he wouldn't be as open, yes, given the nature of the Lonely, but I can't help but think of (MAG 154):

JON

The Lonely’s really got you, hasn’t it?

MARTIN

(no hesitation) You know, I think it always did.

Jon was always curious and hungry for knowledge; the Eye amplified it. Martin was always closed-off and isolated; the Lonely amplified that as well.

But then Jon pulls Martin out of the Lonely, they flee to the safehouse, and three weeks later, the apocalypse begins. Martin isn't as consumed by the Lonely as he was in season four, he's with Jon--the person he loves--for extended periods of time, and they're in an extremely stressful situation that's sure to be incredibly emotionally charged. There's a lot to be said about Jon's emotional vulnerability during season five and how Martin both pressures him for it and rejects it in different ways, but for the purposes of this post, I won't go too far into detail about the motivations behind how Jon is feeling and acting.

I will say, however, that in season five, Martin still continues to place a lot of focus on asking Jon how he's feeling, encouraging (or pressuring) him to share, and getting frustrated when Jon can't or doesn't (MAG 167):

MARTIN

Okay, so how exactly would you describe your current emotional state regarding all of this?

JON

I –

MARTIN

(overlapping) Go on, I’m all ears.

JON

I feel…

MARTIN

(go on) Mhm.

JON

(sigh) I feel… sad.

[Brief pause.] MARTIN

(flat) Sad.

JON

Very sad.

MARTIN

(*very* flat) Very sad.

[He sighs slightly as he says it. Their bags jangle.]

A few moments prior to this, Martin expresses displeasure that Jon is Knowing things about him, specifically pointing out his emotions (MAG 167):

MARTIN

It’s just – it’s weird knowing that you can know literally everything I think and feel. E-Especially since you’re not exactly the most open of people – emotionally, I mean.

I think Martin is making an effort to open up more to Jon. But I still think it's difficult for him to talk about how he feels so openly, and while he is completely in the right for not wanting Jon to Know things about him without his permission, I think it's interesting that the focus is on his feelings and that he brings up how Jon isn't emotionally open immediately after. It scares Martin to think that Jon could know, at any given moment, how he's feeling, and I think it's partially because he's not used to that level of vulnerability. He turns the focus on Jon, away from himself, and doesn't really make an effort to talk about how he's feeling about all of this, instead prioritizing Jon's feelings and mental state like he's grown comfortable with.

And when Martin bottles up his emotions--of which there are a lot, in such a stressful environment, they can explode out in hurtful ways:

MARTIN

(overlapping) I know! I know, okay, I just – (bracing exhale) Look, I j,just – don’t want to get burned, all right? It’s, it’s like my least favorite pain ever.

JON

Is that – a joke?

MARTIN

(a bit faster, a bit shaky) No, no, okay? I, I legitimately hate burns, alright? They’re, they’re awful, and they scar horribly, and they just – it – it just makes me sick; I, I hate it. Hate it!

I don't think Martin really thought about what he was saying when he told Jon, who has a large burn scar on his hand, that burn scars make him sick, and I don't think he meant it maliciously. But he'd spent the greater portion of the conversation talking around the fact that he didn't like burns and that was why he didn't want to go into the building, and so when it finally ended up coming out, it did so in an explosion of emotion rather than a conscious decision to share. Martin doesn't have a good handle on his emotions, and he doesn't have a good handle on sharing them.

(Is it too much for me to say that Martin was more emotionally vulnerable with himself in MAG 170 than he was with Jon when Jon finally found him?)

Throughout season five, Martin asks Jon questions, he expresses frustrations with Jon, he shows discomfort or fear at times, but for as much as Martin feels frustrated that Jon isn't talking about how he feels about their situation, Martin really isn't doing so either. The most he talks about his feelings is in MAG 170 and MAG 186, when he's by himself, and I remember MAG 186 in particular because before that, we really didn't know what Martin was thinking about for the majority of the season! And in this episode, we find out a lot of very important things about Martin's character. Like (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Look, I know what you know. Maybe I’m just a bit more… open about it.

Also-Martin acknowledges that Martin often doesn't say what he means and hides what he really feels, telling him that it's 'hard to be vulnerable,' and Martin is initially very resistant to the idea. And then, when Also-Martin suggests that Martin wants to stay so that he can be 'quietly sad,' we get (MAG 186):

MARTIN

We could talk to Jon about it.

ALSO MARTIN

We could. But we both know that loved ones make the worst therapists. They’re too wrapped up in trying to stop you hurting to actually help. But hey, we know all about that, am I right?

MARTIN

There’s nothing wrong with comforting people.

ALSO MARTIN

A cup of tea isn’t a resolution. At best it’s a… a plaster. At worst… a muzzle.

This is very interesting to me, because for all that Martin tries to help other people, he also believes that comfort doesn't always help and that you can't be your loved one's 'therapist.' I think this gives a lot of insight into why Martin doesn't share his emotions with the people he cares about, especially Jon; he doesn't want to put Jon in the position where he'll become his 'therapist,' and he doesn't necessarily think Jon can help. So instead, Martin just chooses not to be vulnerable at all, because he doesn't want to burden the people he cares about. But, when it's just him (MAG 186):

ALSO MARTIN

Don’t lie. You don’t need to. Not here. It’s just us.

He doesn't feel like he needs to pull his emotional punches. He can't accidentally hurt somebody or put them in an awkward position; it's just himself. But what's said to himself remains with himself, and (at least on tape), he doesn't discuss any of this with Jon. Not even the bit about, if it came down to it, Martin would have rather had Jon smite him than continue to rule over a domain. He goes right back to being closed-off around Jon, but now we, the audience, know what lies underneath, and how little of it reaches the surface.

In fact, the thing Martin's probably most vocal about is how Jon's feelings about himself bother him (MAG 199):

MARTIN

I guess that’s why it really bothers me, you know? I try, but I can’t actually imagine ever making a decision that I knew meant losing you.

And it… It hurts to know you can.

And I think he has a tendency to use anger and frustration to cover up hurt, shying away from the admission that something Jon's done has hurt him (an incredibly vulnerable thing) and instead relying on the less-vulnerable and more external anger to cover it. This is more speculation than true analysis, but I think that's a lot of what's happening in MAG 200, when he discovers that Jon has already assumed the position of the pupil and has, in Martin's eyes, broken his promise.

#tma #the magnus archives #martin blackwood #tma meta #jonathan sims #(because i do talk about jon a bit in this too)#i actually think martin isn't good with emotions at all #both his own and others'#i think he doesn't quite know what to do with them so he puts on a mask and defaults to things he knows will work #*thinks about the low empathy autistic martin high empathy autistic jon post with love in my heart*

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swinging-stars-from-satellites · 3 years ago

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idk how many people would even want to see this BUT i wanna yell about Leela and Brax so here's a list of all their scenes togethr/scenes pertainng to them that i can recall (pLEASE add on if i missed anything/ you have any additional thoughts!! i could talk about these two all day!)

right off the bat in Weapon of Choice when Leela is on the outskirts of the Citadel and Brax goes to bring her back (which is interesting in and of itself, bc usually i would imagine a chancellery guard would go do that so what made Brax decide to instead??), Leela kinda goes off at him bc she's hurting and instead of trying to actually explain what's going on Brax doesn't even try to argue he just says "we need you" which is great bc Leela has that instinctive desire to be needed and to help people and he's speaking right to that -- also as far as we know, this is Leela and Brax's first actual meeting in canon? it's implied that they know of each other, which makes sense, but it doesn't seem like they've ever directly interacted before: Brax seems almost slightly uncertain, and Leela is combative, but when he's gentle with her she's actually quite receptive

the literal next scene after that, where the OT4 is all in one room for the first time (they still kinda hate each other at this point but still !!!). Narvin explaining Gryben and being a real jerk about it and Leela (understandibly!) questions if Gryben is a prison world, and Brax (who to this point has been mostly quiet as Narvin and Romana brief Leela) jumps in to both clarify Narvin's previous xenophobic statements while also maintaining the inherent questionable/negative connotations

(btw it's actually pretty important to note that Romana self-edits herself a lot when talking to Leela, especially in the earlier seasons; you can actually hear her revising the things she says to put it in terms that she thinks Leela will better understand. and i mean she does it out of genuine consideration for her friend associate but it often comes across as varying levels of patronizing. Narvin also obviously "dumbs things down" when dealing with Leela early on, but like... Brax never does that on any level. the only difference i can tell in how he addresses Leela vs how he talks to anybody else is that he seems much more kind with her than almost anyone else???)

their conversation about the Matrix in The Inquiry: this is REALLY important (and if you've ever talked to me on ao3 i've probably gone off to you about it lol) because it's layered. they're talking about the Matrix but they're also not because in answering Leela's question Brax is making a very thinly veiled allegory (which he outright states a minute later) to Time Lord society/politicians/most importantly HIMSELF -- he's actually strangely open about his morals/beliefs in this scene and i'm living for it tbh -- and i find it very interesting that even though he does directly explain what he means ("how do you know all this?" / "because i am a politician.") he also leaves it for Leela to work out the implications. like it's a very nuanced conversation bc there's double meaning in it and most people on Gallifrey seem to think that Leela is tone-deaf and can't pick up on that stuff (even Romana sometimes oversimplifies things to her) but Brax totally just lets her take from it what she will bc he believes her intelligent enough to understand. he doesn't think her any lesser because she's human.

ALSO on a secondary note to the above: the fact that Leela has a question/needed clarification (sorry, haven't listened to this in a while i forget how it actually happened) and actively sought out Brax to talk to about it?? like she knows Romana better she could have gone to her but i feel like Leela kinda imprinted on Brax and someone she can go to for help if she needs it; maybe it's partly bc she knows he's under marginally less pressure than Romana is but also the truth of the matter is that Brax was the most genuinely helpful person to her in the previous stories and that probably means a lot to her (esp. bc he acts like the essence of everything she hates about Gallifrey but he doesn't treat her the way she would expect from that). btw this topic is gonna come up again in a hot minute

that part where Brax gives her that information that might help her re: the Andred thing, even though he really probably shouldn't have done that -- it kinda makes me think about what he must have been like with Theta tbh???

actually this is mostly my own conjecture but there's some neat stuff in Spirit bc during the *waves hand vaguely* bodyswap dream sequence thing, Romana is very "!!!! Brax can help us !!!" which is tecnically Leela brain talking, so like there's the implications of the stuff i've said above about Leela having this idea of Brax where she knows he's someone she can go to for help

can u tell i'm soft for them

Leela sounding really sad/distracted when she talks about how Brax isn't there YES i'm grasping at straws but a lot of this relationship really is conveyed through the voice acting bc of how little direct focus there is on the characters. there's actually several scenes in Mindbomb where she mentions him and she outright says that she misses him during her discussion with Matthias

that implied scene with them in Mindbomb!! i have a Lot of thoughts about that!!! it's all conjecture and fanfic fodder!!! but the reason i mention this is because it seems pretty meta that out of the whole Gally Gang, it's Leela who first sees Brax when he comes back to Gallifrey and in turn she's the first person (besides Matthias, i guess) that he sees upon his return?? idk i just feel like that's somehow a meaningful detail??? also her reaction of utter shock after spending the entire episode missing him and how worked up she is when she tries to tell Romana, like I desperately need to know what happened in this missing scene MR RICHARDS PLEASE TELL ME WHAT HAPPENED

Leela insisting on going with Brax when Pandora starts hurting him and their whole conversation there is just. so good. like they're both just so soft and then when Darkel comes in Leela instantly goes into protective mode. like they just have such an open relationship bc Brax doesn't even try to be all pretentious with her, like he doesn't even try to keep up any facades when he's with her he's just very genuine and it really says a lot about both of them -- Leela is so good at seeing people, like getting down to the core of who people are and what makes them them (which is why she's good for Romana, btw, bc Romana has a lot of identity issues) and Brax is so tangled up in who he presents himself as that he barely knows who he actually is anymore but Leela can see that and she makes it so he can truly be himself and he doesn't have to hide. also she's so gentle with him when they talk about Pandora, she's very caring and empathetic and wants to make sure he's okay and i am WEAK

it's been a hot while since i listened to Panacea but I think i remember Brax being really soft with Leela when he first brings the gang to the Axis, like just sounding really glad to see her

ok other than the fact that Brax is lowkey relatable in Reborn (daydreaming fanfic about yourself/people you know? simping for Mary Tamm Romana? yeah mood, my man) there's that scene where they're first appraoching the Citadel on the alt!Gallifrey and it seems like none of them, and Brax specifically, have seen it from the outside in a good long while bc he's very in awe and he tells Leela that he wishes she could see it and he sounds sO hEcKiNg sOFT oh my word-

and once again with Leela thinking of Brax as someone she trusts for help: in Dissassembled when everything is going to crap she straight-up says that she wants to go find Brax bc he'll know what to do/be able to help

at the beginning of Annihilation when Romana is depressed and questioning if Brax truly was her friend and Leela INSTANTLY, NO HESITATION assures her that he was; i lost where i had her exact lines written down but she actually kinda goes off to make sure Romana gets the point

literally forcing myself to talk about this bc it makes my brain stall out but like,,, the Brax Hound in Annihilation,,, Leela being like "goodbye, Braxiatel... again" she sounds so sad and like UGH i always kinda forget how sad it actually is for them to lose Brax in Dissassembled bc like, it was so sudden and they didn't get to say goodbye and Leela is always losing people and i have many many feels about this scene and how all that emotion is made very clear in how they each respond to the Hound (might make a separate post abt this later if anyone is interested ::eyes::)

Enemy Lines is utter bullcrap about these two and I will never stop being salty about how they not only sidelined the very good, very subtle friendship they had in s1-4, but they??? made Leela acutally not trust Brax??? when literally this entire time she's been the one person who probably genuinely trusts him the most?? what the heck, David

I haven't heard TW3 or 4 yet but i'm assuming there's nothing worthwhile in those with regards to this duo (correct me if i'm wrong tho lol, i would love to be mistaken in this assumption)

TL;DR Leela and Brax mututally imprinted on each other and have probably the most open and healthy relationship within the OT4 and it is an absolute CRIME that nobody besides Gary Russell and Justin Richards cared enough to actually build on it in canon

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grasslandgirl · 3 years ago

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⭐️⭐️⭐️

thanks so much for sending in this ask anon!! bc you didn't specify what fic you wanted me to talk abt im gonna use this opportunity to talk abt my baby, jamie @gilears and my figgorgug fic; you could have my heart (and I would break it for you)

this fic is just something sooooo dear and important to me. its one of those stories that just came together organically and perfectly, jamie and i literally wrote 90% of it in a single sitting one night on a whim. i usually don't write either 2nd person pov OR present tense fics but this one flowed really naturally from a pov message i sent to jamie based on a conversation we were having about the figgorgug dynamic and the whole fic kind of grew from there!!

i love cowriting and collaborating on fics w people but i don't do it often bc i feel like you really have to A) know and understand your partner's writing style and they yours B) be on the same page about the form and the shape and the rhythm of the story you're trying to tell and C) be able to balance your different styles and narrative voices to try and make a cohesive story and im really proud to say i think jamie and i did a CRAZY good job at it for two people who hadn't ever written anything together before and who wrote this mostly on a whim!

i think it helped that we took different povs and alternated sections (me the gorgug sections and jamie the fig sections) so we both could really dig into the different perspectives and characterizations without it getting muddy or one pov overwhelming the other! it was SO fun to see them writing things and changing their fig sections based on things i had written in my gorgug sections and vice versa! it really felt like a collaborative creative effort and we were on the same page almost the whole time without discussing it- the few times we DID talk about our Ideas and Views on the fic was for the confession scene/s at the very end, which ended up being really fun bc we both took a couple big swings to shape the narrative and it was so fun to run with the ideas that the other one had!!

favorite lines/moments from the fic:

your name is fig faeth and there is a half-orc that is gentleness and rage wrapped up in a single sweater, a baffling realization that you can be all of it at once. [jamie]

you love her because she's something like a god onstage, screaming her heart out in lyrics that feel like spells without the magic, and she lets you see them before they’re done. [sav- but only true jamie sulfuric fans will understand the reference, though <3]

the repetition of <<you’re in love with your best friend, and your adventuring partner, and your bandmate. because how could you not be?>> in both povs multiple times over the course of the fic

(you know he does not love you but you are not so selfish to think he doesn’t love you), but you are removed from it. he doesn’t have to manage the fig of it all (you think, guiltily, that he is often stuck managing the fig of it all) [jamie]

you want to show him every song you’ve ever written about him and scream, i’m talking about you! [jamie- they added this line after i wrote a section about gorgug realizing one of fig's songs was About Him and aaaaaaaaaa it makes me crazy]

your name is gorgug thistlespring and the song playing is from the first album you and fig released. she named it significant. you sit on the bench alone, tear tracks drying on your face, and you listen to the words. you start to realize why ragh played this song. [sav- she named it significant :) and its about HIM :) ]

you never noticed how often she looks back to you onstage, even though she has to turn her back to the audience to do it. you never noticed how many of her songs refer to you in everything but name. [sav]

your name is fig faeth, and when you open the door, gorgug thistlespring is stepping forward and pulling you into a kiss. [jamie- the way i YELLED when she wrote this]

a quiet moment of stupid pride in the back of your head—how many other people can do this? can kiss fig, without the masks and without the disguises, soft and warm in her pyjamas and fuzzy socks. [sav- loooove this line. love it]

anyway. this fic makes me crazy. and its INSANE the number of kudos and comments we've gotten on it like AAAAA i never imagined that much positive wonderful response so tysm to everyone who read it and commented/kudosed mwah mwah i am kissing u on the forehead xoxoxo

send in a fic and ill give you some “director’s commentary” about it!!

#sorry not sorry for talking forever this fic is EVERYYYTHINGGG to me !!#fic #asks

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linkspooky · 4 years ago

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hey, can you share your thoughts and opinions on dazai osamu's no longer human?(just the book and not in connection with bsd) i read it, i liked it, but i couldnt really relate to it. so im wondering if i should read the setting sun or not. what do you think abt this book?

I don’t think books really need to be relatable to be impactful, but context can help you understand it. In general my advice is the best way to understand a book is to read more books like it. Always, read more books.

Sure, I can write a repsonse to the text though. The book, not the anime. (Ignore the picture of Dazai, he’s just there to look cute.)

The biggest and most important idea in No Longer Human (Ningen Shikakku). The most literal translation of the title being (人間失格) "Disqualified From Being Human. I bring this up, because use of the character in the title has specific meaning.

人 (hito) : human, person 人間 (ningen): human Generally speaking, 人 is used for people, while 人間 is used for humans as a taxonomic classification.

Much like English, the fact that a person is a human is usually a given, because in our world, we call those who are humane “people,” and only humans can be humane. Just like you wouldn’t usually count humans with “three humans” and say “three people” instead, the usual way to count three humans in Japanese would also be 三人 instead of 三人間. “Human society” is 人間社会, etc.

Or to shorten 人 (hito) : human, person 人間 (ningen): human, biological.

So, there’s an extra nuannce there in the translation. The title of the book uses “ningen” as in the sense of taxonomical classification. So, it’s like saying “disqualified from being considered as a part of the human species.”

I go this far in my intro because most consider Dazai’s work to be a response to Dostoevsky’s Crime and Punishment, (he name drops both Dostoevsky and the novel itself). Both of these novels portray society as a whole as an antagonistic force to one individual, who is considered an outsider to that same society. There’s a lot of similarities between the protagonists, both Raksolnikov and Yozo are terminally ill, show signs of mental illness, and both are characters who show incredible self-awareness and moments of self reflection while at the same time being unable to connect to the feelings or identify with the people around them in any healthy way.

To connect back to my little rant on the translation of the title though, what could disqualify a person from being considered a human being? Well, they could commit a crime for instance. Then they’d be classified as a crimminal.

Both protagonists of both novels are crimminals in a sense. However, that’s about where the similarities end. NLH is centrally about the main characters egoism. Society matters so little in NLH, society is just something that hangs ominously in the background to the outsider.

Now there’s another novel by Dostoevsky that similiarly is recorded in a journal format, and is mainly about the main characters Ego. Notes from Underground is considered to be one of Dos’s first existentialist novels. Existentialism (to oversimplify) in a sense of what does existing in this world mean?

That’s why I say the central conflict is not with society itself, but rather within the character’s own head. The outsiders of society only exist within their own heads. Their main challenge is not to grapple with society, morality and law like Raskolnikov but rather to figure out what is inside their own heads and what they live for.

Which is why the protagonists of both novels are terrible egoists. Their main personality trait is their egocentrism, or rather their inability or unwillingness to try to see or understand the feelings or experiences of others. They are first person narrators who only see the world from their own point of view, but they are not objectve narrators. The only thing they can see, the only thing they can relate to, the only thing they can convey is their feelings to the reader.

F. Scott Fitzgerald writes a similiar novel from a similiar point of view in This Side of Paraidse, which shows the journey of one young man born into a rich family who grows up to not only lose the love of his life, but also to squander all his fortunes at the end of the story. However, Fitzgerald drops all pretense on what the story is about. The chapter titles are things like, the romantic egoist, the egoist considers, narcissus off duty, all the way to the egoist becomes a personage.

The book ends like this.

He stretched out his arms to the crystalline, radiant sky.

“I know myself,” he cried, “but that is all.”

It’s an egoists journey to developing a personality. To way oversimplify again, ego is yourself that exists in your own head, personage is what you show to others. At the end of This Side of Paradise, the main character gains himself, while at the end of NLH the protagonist loses himself. It’s the same journey but in reverse, it’s a net loss, it’s tragic.

NLH, This Side of Paradise, and Notes from the Underground are all about egoists who are aware of their own feelings, but aren’t aware of the feelings of others. They’re all ridiculously self absorbed individuals. That’s actually, like, the unreliable narrator trick of the novel.

Yozo is sympathetic yes, he’s an outsider to society, but at the same time Yozo is not the helpless, miserable victim he portrays himself as. He is not the victim to a cruel society, one he comes from a place of privilege and two he becomes a perpetrator. Hence, the whole... crime and punishment allusions. It’s this added complexity to Yozo that’s what makes the book as brilliant as it is. Yozo is someone who is both victim and perpetrator, but he only sees himself as a victim and the story he tells paints him exclusively as a victim.

But Yozo’s central problem isn’t society its himself. His conflict and greatest obstacle is always his own ego. The reason we read the book biographically, is because we see him grow up, or rather fail to grow up. As a kid he is sympathetic, as an adult he’s a pretty serial user of people.

Yozo constantly asks for sympathy, but at the same time he’s not really one to sympathize with others. When he tries to commit suicide with a woman, he reports these events with no remorse at all.

I removed my coat andput it in the same spot.

We entered the water together.

She died. I was saved.

He seems real broken up about it.

That’s also a pattern that repeats again and again with Yozo. If you want to see the real nature of Yozo’s character you should see how he treats both women and children. They exist to make him happy, to soothe his misery, and when they don’t he leaves them.

Like, out of context. What does this sound like.

What a holy thing uncorrupted virginity is, I thought.

I had never slept with a virgin, a girl younger than myself. I’d marry her.

The few times we do meet outside characters we see that Yozo is someone referred to as a crimminal, but refers to himself as a victim.

“Don’t be cheeky now, I for one have never been tied up like a common crimminal the way you have.”

I was taken aback. Horiki at heart did not treat me like a fully human being.

If you read No Longer Human as a response to Crime and Punishment, you could even read the many women that Yozo falls into flings with and then promptly abandons as a response to Raskolnikov and Sonya. For Yozo, each woman he meets is his Sonya, they are meant to redeem him and bring him peace, and whn they don’t he leaves. Yozo someone missing the point that, Raskolnikov loved Sonya because he sympathized with her circumstances and suffering while Yozo really only ever cares about his own suffering.

To bring the discussion back to Notes from the Underground. It’s a story divided into two parts, that really doesn’t work without the second part of the story. In the first part, as we are just fed the main character’s thoughts he looks like some kind of revolutionary philosopher. Then in the second we follow the character though a day in his life and he’s just sort of... socially awkward. He’s not some brilliant thinker, he’s just an outsider who can’t connect with others, like Yozo. The second part is necessary to underwrite the first because in the first part of the journal he looks like a champion, and in the second he’s just pathetic. He’s just some guy. Notes from the Underground also has one of my favorite lines in all of fiction.

"They won't let me ... I can't be good!" I managed to articulate; then I went to the sofa, fell on it face downwards, and sobbed on it for a quarter of an hour in genuine hysterics. She came close to me, put her arms round me and stayed motionless in that position.

The protagonist encounters a young prostitute name Liza, he tries to save her at first, but then turns around and starts to treat her terribly and has a mental breakdown in front of her that ends in this line. She finds him pitiable, and comforts him in that moment.

However, after this moment of comfort he then he goes back to treating her terribly once more. He yells at her, and she grows tired of him. He pays her and she leaves and that’s the end of that relationship.

See it’s a moment that’s simultaneously, a moment of human connection, but also it shows how the protagonist regards other people and why he can’t connect to them. If you only use other people to comfort your loneliness, you’re going to end up alone either way. The same way the Narrator uses Liza, Yozo chronically uses women.

However, at the same time.

“They won’t let me... I can’t be good.”

Is what I consider the most striking lines in all of fiction. It is both an avoidance or responsibility, and at the same time an utterance of the baisc human desire to be good. It's always everyone else's fault, the problem is with other people. Yet both Narrator, and Yozo want to be good people, they want to connect with others.

Yozo and the Narrator are crimminals. They are bad people. (A person who has committed a crime isn’t necessarily a bad person but..) However, being a crimminal does not disqualify you as a human being. They are still people who are suffering. The secondary goal of a novel like Crime and Punishment is to show St. Petersburg as a city where everyone is human, and everyone suffers, good and bad people alike. Yozo and the Narrator are miserable, and there’s humanity in that misery. You don’t have to even connect to their feelings, isn’t it bad to see a person suffering? Doesn’t that elicit an emotional response because nobody wants to see other people suffering and in pain. That’s the basic humanity in these characters. Yozo and Narrator aren’t inhuman. They’re just like... normal people. They are anxious, avoidant. They are terminally insecure. They’re socially awkward. They understand themselves better than other people. Those are all just normal human sentiments shared by everyone, it’s just Yozo and Narrator are so egocentric they act like they’re the only people in the world.

Yet the same, just like the moment Liza sympathized with a man who treated her terribly and only saw her as a prostitute, people still sympathize with miserable people and want to ease the suffering of others. That’s why Dazai writes stories for miserable people.

I am writing a tired story for young readers,

not because I want to be different,

or because I am unconcerned with young readers’ tastes.

I write it rather because I know it will please them.

Young readers are tired and old themselves these days,

and my story can bring them no discomfort and no surprises.

It is a story for those who have lost hope.

(Osamu Dazai, Of Women)

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mrs-nate-humphrey · 3 years ago

Note

I am curious: what are your favorite scenes from your main ships (date, dair, derena...)?

scenes involving milo don't count, sorry!

for me, it's really not just scenes, but body language & just in general, how they are with each other, you know? dan and serena grin at each other and hug SO much, you can tell that being around each other in s1 made them both so happy, and even after that glow fades the way they look for comfort in each other... top level stuff. the way blair looks at dan... we never see her as radiant at any other point. she was not looking at anyone else like this. and gosh, dan and nate. they're both so comfortable around each other that there's absolutely nothing weird about like. discussing that one ex girlfriend whom they both share AND both were in love with. there is literally no other duo who trusts/enjoys each other's company so much that they're comfortable in a love triangle. (probably because they're more in love with each other than with the girl, but that is not the point. or is it?)

anyway, more specific answers. under the cut. this is one of the longest answers i've ever written on this blog possibly but you KNEW that would happen when you sent this ask, didn't you? (affectionate)

derena: i tagged one of my ds reblogs as 'the grumpy one is soft for the sunshine one' and like. look at them! this hug from 1x10 kills me in the best way. they are both the literal embodiment of :D when they see each other! i love 1x10 as a whole moment, their entire thing at cotillion is so sweet and they're both so happy. the fact that he is talking about his chemistry teacher during this kiss in 1x07. that bit at the end of 1x05 when they talk about their siblings (being there for their sibling because of fallible parents being a derena parallel makes me simultaneously really sad and really soft, tbh). 1x05 gives me SO MUCH SECONDHAND EMBARRASSMENT but the way they walk off together arms around each other does something to me - these are two people who are still getting to know each other but who really like what they see, and who trust each other and. are just having a good time together! back when derena was my OTP, the 1x11 "your story's about me?" was absolutely a fave, too, and i still adore it, albeit in a different, more nostalgic way. i like a dan who writes cute stories about serena. no empty shell sabrina van skoneker bullshit. she is so much like you, daniel! you'd be shattered if she did this to you. don't do this to her. tbh, most derena moments from s1 are just A+ romance. the bit in 2x02 in the jitney is so funny, they're SO bad at being exes. the bit in... 3x03 i think?? i don't remember... on the contrary. when they're talking about dan's fling w/ georgina and serena's relationship with carter, the ease with which they talk and how happy/supportive they are of each other's new relationships... yeah. love to see it.

i also really like any instance of them having honest/open conversations. 1x13, talking about how serena is concerned about blair. 1x08, serena talking to dan about feeling jealous of vanessa. this bit from the touch of eva or whatever that episode is. 4x04 i think. this is the conversation everyone is trying to get dan to have and he's avoiding EVERYONE else. derena interactions in 3x21 (can't find a gif right now) - the fact that dan is with serena when her dad abandons them, the fact that he goes all the way there with her. 2x07, "i'm really glad you're nate's friend. he really needs someone like you right now" (though i'm cheating, that's technically a d/n moment too klhdflkgf). there's a bit in s4 where he's advising her against having an affair w/ colin, i don't remember the ep number, but the way he takes her side so easily and naturally and puts due blame/responsibility solely on her professor... yeah. 4x10 i think this ep is?? idk. but like my tags say, im sentimental about this moment because while what dan was doing was irresponsible, sneaking her out of the ostroff, he was the only person in this episode who was actually talking to her and listening to her and taking her seriously. nobody else was doing that!!

i probably have more moments i'm not remembering, but we're only 1/3 into this answer and LOOK AT THE WORDS, good lord, i'm sorry.

dair: my favourite dair episode is hands down despicable b (5x21) which i have heard is an uncommon answer. i just love the conflict resolution of it all, okay!!! 1x04 & 2x08 are like. standard answers any dair shipper will give, and i'm no different. i love dan being able to give blair advice and blair actually taking his advice even though they're not friends yet!!! be right back, yelling at the intimacy of it all!! 5x16, with their getting together (this little kiss and dan being so startled by it), blair admitting a flaw she genuinely does have and dan saying it's not awful because it's her, which is just. romance at its finest. those vows, good lord. 5x18.... they're having fun! blair showing up at the loft in lingerie for dan... the delight on her face.... (i know this moment blows up in their face but when she's there she looks so happy and proud of herself and this was like THE moment when i was like. oh. dair is really the heart of this garbage show huh).

i think for me, the thing that really sells dan & blair together is the serena of it all. both of them love serena more fiercely than anyone else, and that is what brings them together. (fwiw i definitely think nate loved serena this much and this deeply, too; the writers just wanted to pop the serenate balloon, which even i think was extremely unnecessary and ooc.) but (& i have so much meta about this) their relationship grows beyond serena. their entire s4 arc is SO good. i love how comfortable around each other they are, in such an adult way, in the sense of like. they both bring so much stability to each other? morgan tagged this edit "the marrieds" and like. yeah. b offers to help him shave. they're having breakfast & reading the paper together.

all the love declarations we got that weren't a simple 'i love you.' be your charming wonderful self (how could she not love you/ tell me what would make you happy, dan) i told chuck he doesn't have my heart anymore (you spent your life earning the keys to set you free when you were free all along!!!!) dan's pep talk to blair in 5x21 (already linked a gifset earlier, here's another one if you want i guess). there's definitely more... but honestly, the way the dair arc was executed was so good - while i do have my complaints, i also think keeping those aside, it was SO close to perfect. i love dan & blair's banter and gradually becoming closer and closer and closer. it felt very organic and real and GOSH. the way penn & leighton looked at each other while playing dan and blair...... it's just SO MUCH.

date: this is the hardest, because it's. *screams*. maybe you saw me losing my mind over those 2 seconds of nate handing dan a waffle? i love almost every scene with these two, even the hellish s6 breakup scene. my favourite episode for d/n (& also favourite gg episode in general) is 2x06 - i love the homoerotic subtext of it all. nate pretending to be dan because dan's name is the first name that came to his head. dan flirting w/ nate while tied to that thing, in his underwear. them becoming friends. and 2x07 as a follow-up to that! dan getting nate to live in the loft with the humphreys for a while. i am so soft.

4x09 is a terrible episode in general, especially for serena my beloved, but the d/n moments in that one? off the CHARTS. this weird overly macho flirting, in some ways THE most iconic d/n line. this entire finish each other's sentences nonsense. someone (i think it was ana but im not sure?) compared the energy of those scenes i just linked to the book blairenate love triangle resolution, blairena choosing each other over nate in the books, date choosing each other over serena in the show (if only! RIP.) after the saints & sinners ball, this cute little moment of 'youre the only one who understands me. please tell me they went home together. i mean. how could they not have.

3x07, them watching vampire porn together. a tag i used on ao3 (& also on here, once) is 'nate brings out the himbo in dan'. here is a prime example. 'is she levitating?' i don't fucking know, dan, what do you think?? (i was telling my partner that that's what i love abt dair vs date. around blair dan is an intellectual, a librarian, an art historian, a museum curator. around nate it's like dan is competing to be #1 himbo on the show. can my girlfriend actually fly? i don't know, dan. i can't believe you're seriously asking such a question.)

3x12 pep talk. (sorry about the shitty quality!) essentially nate telling dan that he (dan) is hot and that he shouldn't talk himself down so much.

dan making nate gay in his book. you know. his book from which blair found out he was in love with her. nads (who i will not tag in this billion word long gushy meta, because i value her sanity) once called inside "wish fulfilment' and. i mean. yeah

nate checking dan out at the derena wedding continues to be hilarious. hilarious in the same way as dan sexually fantasising about nate. canon really went 'let's give ivy some special easter eggs' and i appreciate them a lot!

i love the way they are around each other - so quietly attuned to each other. i showed my sister my date!husbands gifset, and she was like. yeah they're so married. and it's just stuff like how dan looks for nate over his shoulder, it's not even an active action, it's as easy and natural and intuitive as breathing, checking to see if nate is still there.

oh, that wasn't as hard as it could've been! okay. cool. im SURE there's more things i could scream about, because it's DN, the fact that they're non-canon makes me THAT much fiercer about them than dair/derena, to be honest. so many dots to connect!! anyway.

#meta #derena #dair #date #anon #this is SUCH a gushy essay but like. what did you expect #how else could i have answered this #this took. an embarrassingly long amount of time #but i had SO much fun so #citations for my ships #don't mind me *whistles under my breath*

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tarrevizsla · 4 years ago

Note

idk if you've talked abt this before but what do you think tarre's feelings/reactions are regarding revan and their actions?

YES oh my god that

im gonna put this under a cut bc. yeah

i set up tarre as being about 500 years before revan in the timeline but their lineage is linked to revan's lineage so they almost blame themself for revan's actions especially when revan takes mandalore's mask, this all comes to a head about 2500 years later when the darksaber and revan's holocron are in the same part of the temple vault

see tarre, like most mando'ade, respects revan - their skill in battle, their strategy and strength, their willingness to sacrifice - but more than that she understands revan, one ex-jedi to another. tarre, more than anyone i think, understands why revan felt the need to go to war against the mandalorians - why they chose to leave the jedi and protect those they considered their people.

but seeing the destruction they brought to mandalore and mandalorians, seeing what revan and the exile did at malachor (mandalore the ultimate wielded the darksaber at malachor), the use of the mass shadow generator... like i said tarre understands revan. she knows the lengths people go to to protect that that they love - she has sacrificed much for justice herself. even so, tarre has never flirted with the dark side in the way that revan does, she's somewhere in the grey area of the force but not on the edge of falling like they were, she wouldn't have made that choice (even at war against the republic or the sith).

and the insult of taking mandalore's mask on top of the use of the msg - she can respect it as a political move, but as a mandalorian (a mandalore) she finds it incredibly rude. just as she understands revan, she knows they understand mandalorians, knows that they know what they've done by taking the mask. this is mitigated slightly when they return the mask to canderous ordo - she always had a soft spot for clan ordo - but it isn't the place of an aruetii to determine who gets mandalore's mask, even one with so much mandokar (because revan is one of the most mandokarla jedi, and most mandalorians would be honored to fight by their side as canderous did).

tarre has her own reasons to dislike mental manipulations, on top of generally regarding it as a bad move, so what the jedi council did to revan adds to her distaste for the jedi order even centuries after she left. despite what they did, she still wants to see revan come back to themself - they deserve to be their own person, at the least. everyone deserves that, even darth revan. she holds justice above all things, even vengeance (some would say that they’re the same thing, but tarre knows better) and revan must achieve their justice. (yes, tarre has absolutely been force-ghosting behind revan throughout their adventures, it’s the most entertaining thing since real housewives of mandalore was canceled).

now, here’s the other question - how does revan feel about tarre? and that is also a question with no easy answer - they can respect a mand’alor who was known as a powerful jedi and a fair and good ruler during their time, but they must also scorn someone who left the order, who led an army against the republic (even though they would as well), because the key difference between revan and tarre is that revan was always doing what they thought was best for the republic while tarre did everything she did for justice - mandalore second, but justice first and foremost. and you can get into the deeper implications of that line - i will not remove your mask until there is justice [...] so swears revan - but their justice was still through a republic view, not their own view.

tarre understands revan but revan cannot understand tarre, not for a long time - cannot understand turning their back on the republic and the jedi in the way she did (and this is deeply hypocritical, of course, coming from darth revan - but they still thought they were acting in the republic’s best interests when they were a sith, even as they led armies against the republic and killed jedi).

tarre was never spiteful the way revan could be, never angry - they were not calm but they were controlled, cold instead of fiery the way revan could be. their leadership styles were similar, but at the same time they couldn’t have been more different - tarre had friends where revan had followers and followers where revan had friends (tarre walked among their people when revan walked before them, revan was friends with their generals where tarre demanded (and had) their respect).

so many jedi followed revan over the edge to the dark side, and yet tarre had more friends on the other side, away from the jedi. again, revan had followers where tarre had friends - they didn’t get to know the revanchists or the sith, not truly. they were thrust into the role of leader (they chose it, and yet it was no choice - if they were not revan, then the galaxy would have fallen. this is known). they had no opportunity to rise, they simply were and were not at the same time - they were revan, they were the republic, they were nobody and everybody at once. they spent so much time defending the republic that they didn’t even defend themself, it was inevitable that they fell just as it was inevitable that the republic fell.

revan and tarre both had the habit of forming attachments, and those attachments led them both away from the jedi order (not from jedi teachings, however, which is an entirely different essay). revan’s attachment to the republic, tarre’s attachment to mandalore, and the way the jedi are both separate from the republic and part of its military force at once - both of them had to sacrifice some connection to the jedi to serve their people.

so when they meet, some 2500 years after revan lived, they meet as force ghosts - which is the only reason they don’t immediately throw hands; revan would love to fight another mand’alor and tarre isn’t about to go all ‘there is no emotion, there is peace’ with darth revan right there. instead they spend 50 years stuck in the same room sniping at each other, arguing with each other over tiny contradictions in jedi teachings and tactics in war and leadership. but even with the history between them and their respective peoples, there’s only so much arguing you can do before you start to understand each other, and so 50 years after they meet the arguing has become affable rather than angry.

there’s still a distance between them, that won’t go away - having worn out their arguments, their mutual respect for each other wins out, and they get to reasonable, rational discussions and even some agreements about the finer points of jedi morality (horse shit, your people and justice come first), the sith (make too much of a fuss about being opposite jedi), and even petty things like lightsaber forms (makashi is overwrought and ataru is the way to go to win). and if they ever met without the context of everything that happened between the jedi/republic and mandalore - everything that happened between tarre and the republic and revan and mandalore - they would hit it off fairly well, because their personalities are complementary.

in the end, tarre respects revan a great deal and vice versa. they are far more similar than they really want to think about, and both will always carry a resentment for each other but at the same time they understand each other’s decisions, the choices they made and everything that led them to these choices. if they had lived in the same era - tarre would have been a revanchist, that’s for sure, if she didn’t have ties on mandalore. even while she considered herself part of the jedi order, she thought they needed to be more powerful, more willing to do what had to be done - just like what revan did. revan achieved some things that tarre had dreamed of, and she recognizes and appreciates that.

so does tarre like revan? not really. but she does understand them, and in a way, that’s more important.

#this got. long #1365 words #tarre vizsla #revan #darth revan #sw meta #this is probably very confusing but in my defense it is one in the am

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leporellian · 4 years ago

Text

how i would rewrite warrior cats: into the wild

rewriting the entire series is a big Thing in the warrior cats fandom, and i don’t have the time to do that. however i have been having Ideas about what i would do if i rewrote the books, and the changes are... drastic, to say the least, so i figured i would write them down in a bullet-point style List Thing to see what happens.

- we open on henry, an old wise sage-type kittypet, telling two kittypet kits- rusty and smudge- about the forest cats and their legends, primarily that of how the clans were born

- there were always little groups of cats in the forest, and they were originally very hostile- except for a lush spot full of prey, herbs, just about anything needed for survival. this spot has had many names and is referred to by a different name for each clan but universally, it’s called fourtrees, because there are four grand oaks that guard the area. this spot was something of a truce area where all the groups could get along

- however tension slowly boiled throughout the forest until there was a massive war at fourtrees. lots of cats dead and even more wounded. their spirits joined together to form starclan, who told the cats to unite or die- and as punishment for breaking the fourtrees truce, they set the whole thing ablaze. it’s no longer the survival spot it was

- however, the spirits say, the four oaks will grow from their charred remains again, as will the rest of the area. everything will be as it once was in time. starclan themselves cannot last, and must be reborn every 600 moons (or some other large number) from the midst of celestial battle. however, every time this happens, the spirits say, the coming of the ‘end of the stars’ will always and only be heralded by a heroic cat in a flame-orange coat, as a nod to the fire that started the clans to begin with. so it’s kind of like an avatar thing

- anyway 6 moons later there’s a battle at sunningrocks that kills redtail and oakheart. bluestar and spottedleaf, while discussing who will replace redtail, see a comet across the sky

- every falling star means a warrior has faded in starclan, and it means they are to be reborn- and something wonderful is on the cusp of beginning, says spottedleaf. spottedleaf also notes that according to the calendar system kept by the medicine cats the ‘fire alone’ cat should have arrived about 6 months ago, so everyone’s worried about what’s going on w/ that, Where Are They. she does note however that a lot of cats think the calendar had a miscalculation at some point and that the ‘fire alone’ cat is shadowclan’s new leader

- anyway rusty, the kittypet, decides to enter the forest. the twoleg nests here are Not A Good Place for cats to live, bc there’s constant fighting between the kittypets and everyone has their own boundaries and it’s very chaotic. there is a group that tries to monitor it called the blood brothers, but they’re usually in the city so their guidance isn’t often There. so both rusty and smudge want to Get Out and join the clans

- like in the original books he meets graypaw, who’s always interested in outsiders, and then bluestar, lionheart, and tigerclaw. lionheart is graypaw’s mentor, bluestar is thunderclan’s leader, and tigerclaw is bluestar’s nephew who is kindly yet determined, and has become deputy after redtail’s demise. again like in the originals he’s accepted into thunderclan fast

- smudge feels Betrayed. for some reason the writing takes special note of the glimmer in his striped collar- it’s all kind of colors, purple, red, blue, yellow. it’s very distinctive...

- next morning, lionheart and tigerclaw lead rusty to the thunderclan camp. all is well and good until longpaw and sandpaw roll up

- longpaw and sandpaw are twins and look exactly alike. they’re also the children of redtail and are both very competitive with everyone and each other (although they are very close) because they want to be Like Their Dad. both are taking redtail’s death hard

- longpaw is like ‘i wanna beat him up’ and given these are two 10 year olds basically everyone’s like ‘well rusty can fight too so Bet.’ it’s an even fight, longpaw gets his ear torn and rusty gets his collar ripped off

- this fight proves rusty is capable of being in thunderclan, and he’s renamed firepaw, which is a nod to the ‘fire alone’ thing as a ‘hey isn’t it funny he came right after the clock lined up for a fire-cloaked savior? strange lol’

- anyway firepaw is introduced to some Other Characters besides everyone i’ve mentioned thus far: - ravenpaw, medicine cat apprentice. he was a loner kit found abandoned on the territory and he’s constantly nervous and jittery. he’s also kind of clingy and a tad annoying because he’s constantly worried of being abandoned again, but he Is endearing - graypaw and darkpaw, twins similar to longpaw and sandpaw (although unlike them they have an ‘opposite twins’ kinda thing). both are the sons of willowpelt and a shadowclan tom, but both deal with it differently: graypaw is a dreamer who constantly is interested in cats from outside thunderclan ‘like him’, and darkpaw wants to try and overcompensate for it by being nothing but loyal- especially to his mentor, tigerclaw, who’s a father figure to him. dark isn’t mean but he is very sardonic and sarcastic, and it’s also made increasingly obvious that he Knows Something and is very nervous about it. weird - (yes, longpaw and sandpaw are annoyed that they’re the only ‘fully clan’ cats in this batch of apprentices.) - spottedleaf, thunderclan medicine cat. kind of a ditzy aunt type, it’s joked that she acts like a stoner bc she’s inhaling all the Herb Scents all day. fully enables all of the kids to do Dumb Things - the elders, who dislike all these new apprentices bc besides long and sand none of them are fully clan-blooded. the most vocal about this is thistleclaw, an elder always trying to start shit, and tigerclaw’s father (altho tiger is embarrassed by thistle’s outbursts). - and finally, cinderkit, who always tags along w/ the apprentices although she isn’t supposed to. she is however very smart and the apprentices don’t mind her tagging along. she’s made an apprentice like 1/2 way through here

- anyway at the gathering windclan is MISSING and NOBODY seems to know what is going on, but both riverclan and shadowclan are acting shady about it.

- also brokenstar, The New ShadowClan Leader, seems like a nice guy, a Poster Boy type. his fur is bright orange so everyone’s like, ‘yea he’s the fire that’ll herald feline gottdammerung’ but nobody wants to THINK about feline gottdammerung yet because like, That’s An Upsetting Thought! it’s also noted that he’s way young for a leader

- anyway the apprentices (and cinderkit) are like. ‘we gotta know what's happening and why windclan vanished’ and everyone is involved (although sand and long keep their distance). it’s a very ‘up at midnight at a slumber party’ kind of aesthetic. everyone in shadow and river also has a motive, and at points there’s even evidence that something caused windclan to die out. lots of red herrings

- eventually yellowfang comes into the picture like she does in canon and they figure out shadowclan drove windclan out and that windclan is Alive and Out There somewhere. the evidence is enough that spottedleaf and tigerclaw (who's like the Cool Resident Dad) agree about it and so a spy patrol is sent to sneak in on shadowclan

- anyway everyone discovers how fucked up shadowclan is behind the curtain (what with the elder abuse and child warfare) and is like ‘holy shit we gotta stop these guys’ so there’s a big fight like in the original book and brokenstar is dethroned like he is in canon and brought to thunderclan

- thunderclan saves the day, yellowfang joins spottedleaf in the med cat den, and the apprentices all get names (save ravenpaw who’s a med cat apprentice)- firepaw is fireheart, graypaw is graystripe, darkpaw is darkstripe, longpaw is longtail (in honor of redtail), and sandpaw is sandstorm. it’s noted darkstripe looks super uncomfortable when tigerclaw is mentioned to be deputy. long and sand have a humorous argument abt their names and who got the Cooler One

- however everyone’s like ‘ok so brokenstar wasn’t the Fire Savior so who IS’ and fire is dismissed out of hand bc he’s a kittypet and all the past fire saviors was clanborn. ravenpaw however tells fireheart in private that he believes fireheart is the Fire Alone, and that Shit Is About To Go The Fuck Down

- meanwhile, darkstripe asks if he can see fireheart alone, and fireheart obliges. darkstripe sits down and, very quietly, says ‘i have to tell you about what happened to redtail.’

- and it ends there lol that’s book one.

#warrior cats #warrior cats rewrite #rambles

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strawberryona · 3 years ago

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OMGG U HAVE THE MOST TASTE EVER YES,,, ok a few questions (feel free to answer all at once or seperate if thats easier!)

- do u have a favorite song significance? or like a top few if u can't choose?

- i would love to know more abt bella's playlist specifically :3c so vibe....

- more music in general but have u listened to Glass Animals? their music is weird in a good way if ur into that!

ththank u dizzy for Always always engaging with me ily 🙏🙏🙏

favorite song significance: This. is So Hard to choose and i dont want to put too many bc each really deserves its own post. but right now my favorite song is pretty little head by eliza rickman!! i loop it for 5 hours at a time!!! i have issues!! i think it might have been on night vale so you might have heard of it i just know it because im a Huge fan of dark cabaret & steampunk music

anyways that song really really reminds me of adelheidis singing about griffin especially the chorus ;

Where’s your mother?

kitty kay, griffin’s mom, is a huge driving force in the plot, as she’s the leader of the rabble mob and purposefully undermines the oppressive religion/government that the protags anya and celia are trying to escape

Fall down dead

griffin LITERALLY fell down dead. he fell out of a tree (while trying to save a cat) and hit his head and returned to life for Some Reason thirty minutes later. this is never explained in canon!!! me and my top researchers (clones of me in lab coats) are attempting to find the explanation as we speak so Please Hold but that. is a thing that happened. and “dying” was a huge turning point for griffin because prior to this he was using his real name but afterward he started to hide behind his stage persona of the plague doctor more often - a lot like his mother, who lost herself under her character of the phoenix she played.

Dirty mind, dirty mouth, pretty little head

griffin uses innuendo like…. a LOT. which is funny considering that i headcanon him as ace. but ive had adel call him a “dirty little thing” before Specifically Referencing This Song because i am diseased!!!! and anyways he does think that griffin is very pretty.

I wish you were here, I wish you’d make my bed

this line is definitely adelheidis struggling to find the energy to do everyday things—sometimes theyre just so overwhelmed emotionally and physically that they wish griffin could help them do everything

Dirty mind, dirty mouth, pretty little head

refrain but. underneath these words she says (pretty mind, pretty mouth, pretty li—) and i find it extremely representative of the way adel puts up an icy persona but underneath is melting

i have listened to glass animals! my favorite song of theirs is season 2, episode 3! i keep forgetting the numbers!

i’ll put bella’s playlist under the cut because this post is extremely long already and it contains some triggering content - cw for violence, self-hatred, and discussion of sexual predators

thank u SO SO MUCH for asking this!!! i had a huge blast writing all this!!!

overall, most of the songs have soft girlish vocal types contrasting with harsher sounds and screams, which was a deliberate choice because of how bella acts--they fake an innocent persona to hide their true intentions. the title is a reference to her defection from her country, and the description is a response to the line in victrix’s playlist. i picked the cover because of the motif of contrast, bella likes sweet and “pure” imagery while being a violent and unstable person.

bella’s a tanamare, a fantasy species i made up which has plant-themed powers. their country, ch’aka, is quite oppressive in nature, often employing propaganda to keep their citizens in line. bella was a prodigy with high-level abilities and joined the army early when she was about 13-14.

So everyone that I love is stuck Because this, that, the other, and the state fucked up We covered it in a class that I'm about to fail

Cigarette Ahega0 - Penelope Scott

I am perverted, sick and sadistic Covered in your blood It's ritualistic

Perverted - Elita

All these toys and girls and boys This fucking world makes so much noise Dont talk to me, I'm fucking sick Its life or death we have to pick Bitch, I was gonna die so young But Ill just pop my bubblegum

Hospital - Gurldoll

I'll get revenge Pour bleach on your head and now you're dead Disinfect, so hold your breath and say goodbye

Maggot - Slutever

after some Very Messed Up experiences that i won’t get into, bella defected and became a fugitive. she began attacking and often killing sexual predators, reasoning that she was the only one that understood it was necessary, and that since she was so desensitized to violence & adept with her powers, she had a duty to protect others like her.

I just wanna make the whole earth smile I just wanna make the world smile Do you think I'm bad Do you think I'm wrong Or I'm too slutty?

I Just Wanna Make The Whole Earth Smile - Girls Rituals

So don't you squirm, don't you fret I'm not gonna hurt you yet I just feel the need to be getting A little of you, a lot of blood-letting I know the sensation you're probably dreading But cutting you up will be so refreshing for me

The Dismemberment Song - Blue Kid

You’ve been staring at me for like, a fucking hour. Can I help you? Like, what’s your problem? If you get near me though, if you try to touch me, I swear to God, shitdick. I will take my Louboutins and castrate you.

Don’t Touch - Lil Mariko

All I wanna do is burn the world All I wanna do is burn Now scream my name Scream my name Scream my name Scream it

Fuck Me - Vernon Jane

things poke holes in her flawed reasoning ... her desensitization to violence becomes a source for self-hatred, as she ignores how people have been taking advantage of her for her entire life. she doesn’t know what to do, so she tears herself down. she adopts a carefree, misanthropic persona to distract from her real problems.

My bedroom smells like rotten food And I guess so do I

Angels of Porn - Nicole Dollenganger

There are flowers growing all around a massive animal inside of me And it’s so ugly, and I’m so broken And I’m so ugly, and it’s so broken

Angel Eyes & Basketball - Foot Ox

They say that it gets better, but I guess that was a lie I guess we all just fake it 'til we die Sympathy and love we can extend to someone else But it's harder when you have to love yourself

I Deserve to Bleed - Sushi Soucy

I can teach you how to be just like me, crying all night sleeping 'til three I can teach you how to be just like me, just listen carefully I can teach you how to be just like me, cute as Hello Kitty!

Hello Kitty - Jazmin Bean

ultimately there is something that makes her want to improve as a person. it’s her interpersonal relationships and her little burning flame of belief that things CAN be fixed. she didn’t know how to try before she met someone named kathy & her brother jonah (@llamas-and-leeks‘ ocs) so bella actually did find a way to get better and confront her issues! good for her. also this gets compounded when she meets victrix, a human crime-fighter. her country, manava, is probably the best place around - while not perfect, manava has an actually good government, and because of their different circumstances, victrix and bella are at odds. victrix is pretty patriotic because her home country is a good place to be, while bella is disillusioned with the propaganda of their childhood. eventually the two learn to see each others’ sides, and they grow and change together :) btw bella is pansexual and victrix is a lesbian. and theyre gay. oh right this was meant to be a playlist explanation hold on-

Maybe you're made of rotting meat Maybe I'm just a machine

Watermelon - Queen Chimera

My sweetheart's piano is rat filled And mine is infested with bugs The music we make is unnatural But it sounds just like falling in love

Butch 4 Butch - Rio Romeo (YES I’M AWARE NEITHER ARE BUTCH.)

I hate you for the sacrifices you made for me I hate you for every time you ever bled for me I hate you for the way you smile when you look at me I hate you for never taking control of me

Blood - In This Moment

#long post #minkasks #bug #IT WAS A MASSIVE ORDEAL TYPING THIS OUT BUT IT WAS REALLY FUN

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