#LIKE I AM SO SORRY THIS IS LITERAL RACISM AND MEDIA IS JUST. SILENT.

[casuallydyinginthecorner]

UM SO UM A CHEVRON IN CALIFORNIA IS PROMOTING ANTI-ROMANI RACISM

[matan4il]

Just wanted to send some love your way 🩵 Im a left-ish diaspora Jew who had, up until really recently, taken the stance that the conflict between Israel and Palestine was too complex for me to fully understand. I appreciate blogs like yours because they have genuinely helped me understand and see through the narratives that both sides are equally at fault, or that Israel is some colonialist war machine bent on gobbling up all available territory at the expense of everyone else’s lives.

It’s kind of frightening for me to have a stance at all, when the people around me were all silent on October 7th but have no issue hanging Palestinian flags outside their homes and filling their social media with slogans that they claim are simply “anti Zionist” but are absolutely anti-Semitic.

I don’t know how to explain to them that YES my heart bleeds for every average human in Gaza who genuinely does want to just exist, but that doesn’t meant that I think the onus for peace lays exclusively on Israel’s shoulders, and I don’t support disbanding Israel as a country. I worry a lot about being too one-sided or simplifying things too much; I still feel very much like I’m sitting in a middle position, due to those concerns. And it’s scary that it still wouldn’t be enough for people — FRIENDS, even — around me.

Sorry for the ramble. Thank you for your informative posts. Speaking as someone who finds a lot of joy in fandom stuff, I really hope the tides turn so that kind of thing can occupy more space in your mind than worrying does 🩵

Awww, Nonnie! I am hugging you SO MUCH!

My heart aches, because you're absolutely right. It doesn't matter how much we'll denounce racism, they will still call us racist. It doesn't matter how often we state that we want life and dignity for both Jews AND Palestinians, they'll still accuse us of supporting genocide. It doesn't matter if we'll criticize the government, they'll still claim we're brainwashed to silence our voices.

So if it's not about our actual beliefs and positions, what's it about?

It's about the fact that we're Jews. And we're told that we can only be "good" Jews if we throw our fellow Jewish people under the bus, even though for every other minority, solidarity is encouraged and celebrated. We're only "good" Jews if we give up our native rights by adhering to a narrative that paints us as colonizers of our own ancestral land, even as native rights are upheld as vital for every other indigenous group. We're only "good" Jews by doubting the multiple testimonies of rape and baby beheadings, even though every victim is supposed to be heard and believed. We're only "good" Jews if we agree to give up the right to self defense, which means we give up the right to live safely, to live peacefully... really, if we give up the right to live, period. All while telling us this is due to the value of all human life. They're literally gaslighting us with "All Lives Matter," and it's the same crowd who could recognize the issue with that slogan, when it was used to silence black people demanding that very same right.

We do not have to go along with this modern "witch test," where they try us by dunking us into water, and the only way to be "innocent" is to die drowning, so if we didn't, then we're witches, and we die still, because they burn us at the stake. I refuse to collaborate with the erasure of Jewish identity, history and rights, which leaves all Jews stripped of protection, vulnerable to abuse, and I will keep speaking, even if they call me every dirty name they can think of for recognizing the Jewish right to live, and to live in our historic homeland, especially as we have always been willing to live here side by side with others. Whatever they say about me, at least I won't be a tokenized Jew, that they can use to bully other Jews into silence.

We absolutely can be pro-Israeli AND pro-Palestinian, rather than turning anti-Israeli to "prove" we're good, pro-Palestinian Jews.

I'm sorry, IDK if I'm actually helping here! Just know that you're not alone in feeling this way. Actually, the fantastic Mayim Bialik also talked about this recently, so I'll give you her eloquent words:

(this is just a part of the vid, you can find the whole thing here)

Thank YOU for the kind words! And may we all get back to just being able to enjoy fandom as the fun, escapist hobby it should be. Sending you lots of hugs and love! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[hammerhead-jpg]

Born to "Hiiiiii :3" forced to "What's up" (about me post)

About me page I'm so nervooouussd

I very much wanted to post things for fun and figured I would do it on Tumblr since it seems like a chill place where likes and follows don't matter and also my friends and family (which I'm not out to yet) follow me on every single social media and I do not want them stalking me when I post about who knows what

That being said, I do not come from the golden age of Tumblr or any age really but I do watch Strange Æons religiously so I'm not completely clueless ig, but if I break some sort of unspoken rule it wasn't me

All that unnecessary text aside, hi, my name is Kristian (although that name is not set in stone because I'm indecisive just trans things am I right) and I go by Kris, but you can also call me Hammerhead or Moonshine/Moon

I am a digital artist and have been drawing for like forever and my dream is to one day turn the story I'm currently working on into a visual novel/webcomic

(edit:) I'm sorry if I don't reblog a ton of posts, I know some people view not reposting posts as rude but it's just that I'm not used to being on social media that has a repost feature so I don't have the reflex to repost things

I'm queer and also transmasc <3

(also edit:) sorry if I don't respond to your comments complementing my art, it's just that I get nervous/don't know what to respond with, I assure you the complements are very appreciated and people who like/comment on/reblog my art have a special place in my heart

(also also edit) you can tag me in "tag x people" and tag chains and stuff but I probably won't continue the chain as I probably don't have enough people I would comfortably tag and even in that "would comfortably tag" group I am probably still too shy to tag them, and one or more of those people in that group are usually the ones that tagged me in the first place so it's not really like I could tag the person that tagged me in the tag chain??? Is anything I'm saying making sense???

My current fixations/ the fandoms I'm in are:

Redacted Audio (proud Cutie, Vega n Christian apologist RAAAAHHHHH 🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅🦅/j)(also proud Lasko stan and 7eleven trio shipper)

Bungou stray dogs (biggest Sigma stan)

MHA (although I'm kind of out of it, I'm mostly just silently keeping up with the manga but I am still kinda obsessed with mha ocs) (if you hate mha ocs or really any fan ocs DNI because I have like 40 of them) (no I am not a 30 yr. old woman shipping her self insert with Bakugo leave me alone)

Don't hug me I'm scared (not rlly in the fandom)

Chainsaw man (not rlly in the fandom)

Fear and Hunger aka Funger and Gunger (I can't say I'm really in the fandom and can't say I'm that involved into the game it's too big brain for me so I just observe it from afar and laugh at the memes)

DNI lists are kinda useless but racism, sexism, abelism, homophobia, transphobia, xenophobia ect is not tolerated here but also like if you're one of those people who are really ticked off when they see a minor talking about NSFW stuff and act all wise sage I suggest you DNI because I assure you your rambling and skull emojis are not going to prevent me from developing hypersexuality, you are like 11 years late to that my friend (or if you're just uncomfortable hearing a minor talk about nsfw that's cool too)

And also fuck off if you think sexualizing minors (fictional or not) is okay

This is a xenopronouns/neopronouns, xenogender, furry, therian safe space, I really don't judge

I think this goes without saying but cringe culture is dead, if you get pissy about things being cringy please don't come to the person who's internet alias is literally a Penelope Scott song, other alias is a reference to a gay ship from my hero academia and the person who named themselves "Kristian" because they thought that naming themselves (the atheist) a name that means "God's follower" was hilarious, but again this is tumblr so I expect most people here are cringelords

Anyways, fuck you Adam you can go suck my long horse weewee, Moon x supremacy always

Also if I tell anyone to kts I was just joking PLEASE

[ghcstvalleychief]

“This is what MA want” “Stop fighting!” “Respect their wishes!” I do not understand this fandom. I do not.

Mile is a new actor. Apo was gone for a while. This is the peak, the rising fame. It’s quite literally the time to have the spotlight? Roles? Etc, etc, etc. Also…in any industry…it’s very hard to say no to someone in charge and as everyone has said, MA seem to be selfless and great so I am not surprised MA “agreed” to having decreased screen-time. (My question is. To be honest: was it agreement? We might never know but if people can say this is their wishes, how do they honestly know that this is their wish?) It feels absolutely fair to point out the implications, manipulation,,,etc. on the other side of it. The way people do not even considered the implications of any of it lol. Because it IS there.

I don’t know if I am wording this articulative enough but my overall point as everyone has said, it doesn’t make sense. None of it does. This is their time and just..tbh..it’s absolutely fair of MA fans to point out the disparity; the implications; and to question the decisions. If people can say “respect” their decision then it’s certainly fair to question the implications (with BOC…Pond….etc.)

This fandom lacks a backbone if you ask me. Sorry not sorry for saying it.

I've been in a number of fandoms where Black American actresses have experienced some of the worse racism and bigotry in the world at the hands of both the fandom and the executive producers of said shows. You know what the fans of those Black women did once we realized they couldn't speak out due to contracts and other legal bullshit? We went to war for those women. We trended, we spoke out, and we made our voices be heard because we knew they couldn't. They heard us and they appreciated their fans for doing what they couldn't. We even forced the TPTB to do things they weren't previously before because we made such a fuss on social media. Things weren't magically fixed but it did change some things.

Contrary to popular belief, saying no to your boss could land you in hot water. It shouldn't but it's a very harsh reality of the real world. It's why Candice Patton waited until The Flash has all but ended to finally speak out about the racism she experienced while being Iris West Allen. Black American actresses would get blackballed and blacklisted if they dared to say anything and their fans understood that, so we did it for them because we knew we had the power to make or break these shows.

This fandom is too young, too immature, and too naive to do something like that though. More mature MA fans are trying their best but the rest of the fandom is too unaware of the effects of silence. Nothing changes if you don't complain. You have to make some noise and speak up if you want something to change. Staying silent does nothing. Sure, Mile and Apo could be fine with this. Maybe. It's like you said - how do we know? It's the job of the fans to right that wrong because the actors most likely can't. You have no power when there's contracts involved, and that's true everywhere. Even in places that proclaim to be so progressive and forward thinking. Actors have less power than you think. Especially actors who are just starting their careers and who have no real connections in the industry yet. Which is true for both of them, despite the fallacy that they have more clout and power than they truly do. They don't have the power to disagree with something and not be blacklisted for it. Not yet.

[icarusfallsforwalls]

tbh... people would rather discuss his name than have to have more painful discussions about the role they and their faves have played in the racism he faced, lbr. a LOT of 1d fans have done racist things over the years. some of them blatantly openly racist (the ones holding terrorist signs, throwing things at him, etc) but a lot more have been passively racist (pushing ugly narratives, having double standards, believing unsourced tabloid nonsense about him that they'd instantly question about the others, the whole "he's so mysterious~ and brooding~" shit, etc).

we've ALL done it at some point, as much as it hurts to admit. i'm a woc and zayn has always been my #1, but even i'm guilty of holding him to different standards than the whites. it's a societal thing. we've all been raised in a racist world and we've all internalised certain messages, even those of us who are literally asian sjfhsjf.

it's like women claiming they shave their legs because they "want to". we all know that's nonsense and we do it because if we go outside hairy we'll be ridiculed and considered lazy and disgusting, but none of us like to admit we've crumbled to societal misogyny. "i just like having smooth legs!" we say, even thought we are all aware that when we're home alone and won't be seen, we never shave or do our makeup or anything. racism works the same - it infiltrates every aspect of life and all our interactions and none of us have escaped its web of deceit.

i mean, hell, how many of us have gone "omg i'd love a 1d reunion" or "i wish zouis would talk again" or whatever? i would NEVER talk to any of my white ex-colleagues who had stayed silent while i was being racially abused en masse, and yet, despite that fact, i still expect zayn to put himself through it just because i like louis. even if the individual 1d boys weren't the issue (zayn has the bus1 tattoo for a reason - clearly louis was his friend and not just a colleague), having to put himself back into 1d territory would undoubtedly stir up a lot of traumatic memories of things and people who WERE racist.

and we all know that! we're not stupid! we are 100% aware of the trauma he faced in that band, both from the fandom and the management and the media. and yet we still expect him to package it all up into a neat little box, tie a bow around it, and hand it to us like a gift. even those of us who are poc, who have similar trauma, who KNOW who awful that would be to go through. it's so insidious! we're all guilty!

and i think a lot of fans are stuck in a very childish mindset where you are either a good person or you are a big scary racist. (to be cringey and quote sirius black: "the world isn't divided into good people and death eaters, harry"). but that isn't how it works. no one is perfect and pure. no one has escaped the societal pressure of racism. it isn't a moral failing to put your hands up and go "damn, i'm part of the problem, i'll try and do better in future". like, that's literally all it would take! no one is expecting white fans to start whipping themselves in repentance!!! but a lot of these fans are struggling with that, clearly lol. they'd rather hyperfocus on one little line of cathartic and pretend it's a big deal, cus it's easier to talk about "zayn vs zain" or whatever than it is for them to analyse their own behaviour. but, like, their refusal to discuss the part they've played in the fandom's racism is literally just reinforcing the issue!! this is what zayn meant when he was said nobody is listening!

sfjsfhs sorry i've written you such an huge essay lmaooo. might set it to a cool beat and drop it on soundcloud, @zayn hit me up boy!!! sjfhsfjs

Oh my gosh, this was such a great read. Thank you for sending this to me! And quoting Sirius Black! And your joke at the end; this is iconic. You also touch on some very real and important points.

I have always felt so deeply for and sympathized with these issues, but I could never truly understand because while I am white and hispanic, I am white-passing and have white privilege. I hate evil and discrimination and racism, but I'm also sure I have at times contributed to it, even unintentionally. As you said, it is deeply engrained into our society, our entertainment, our jobs, our conversations, our jokes, our lives, our thoughts, our homes. It is in fandom too and I've always noticed a different tone (mainly when I'm on twitter) when people speak about Zayn. They cut him no slack. They question his motives. He is always judged so harshly. His music and lyrics are often ignored. And the Zouis breakup is usually always placed on his shoulders, even though we don't know the actual truth of what happened between the two. I've been thinking about this the last couple of days and even more so after listening to Cathartic. Zayn Malik is a grown ass man. A POC who was mistreated and discriminated against while in One Direction and still. He knows his trauma and is allowed to do what is best for him (Calamity). I wish Louis and Zayn would publicly be friends again, that is no secret, but it's not necessarily fair of me to put that on their shoulders because it has more to do with me than what is best for them. I still love and always will love Zouis, but it's in the past and that's how I'll celebrate it from now on because I do think they cared for each other very much.

@anon thank you so much for sharing this perspective. It’s always welcome and appreciated.

[eatingdisorderconfession]

I have no idea if this is an appropriate outlet for this but I really need to get it off my chest and there are limited people I can talk to about this without outing my ex. One of the biggest issues in our relationship is that she constantly made me feel like I wasn’t “mentally ill enough” and that’s something I’ve discussed quite openly with my friends. But I’ve also realised that she also had a narrative that I wasn’t “queer enough” as a cis lesbian. Like she literally told me that the AIDS crisis “isn’t really your history to claim or get upset about” and the worst part of it is that I have no idea if she’s right or not?? I know I let her walk all over me occasionally because her trauma was worse than mine but I truly don’t even know how to process how she made me feel about my queer identity. I don’t know. Sorry guys, I just needed an anonymous forum for advice on this 💕 love to you all

Hi, anon.

I generally don't think that comparing trauma is a good idea, not only because of the difficulties in drawing lines (i.e. what is to be considered moderate trauma and what is to be considered great trauma) but also because we as individuals have such different capacities for dealing with trauma. Some have underlying mental or physical health issues that might make a comparatively "small" traumatic event that much harder to cope with and others have strong support systems or are lucky enough to live in a place with ample access to mental health resources etc.

Her telling you that you're not mentally ill enough sounds incredibly minimizing of her. Struggling with mental illness is hard enough in and of itself without being told by loved ones that you're not "bad enough". Again, this is something that happens frequently in the eating disorder community too: people tell themselves, or others, that they're not sick enough and therefore don't deserve help.

As for her questioning your queer identity, I think we do need to remember that there are a lot of prejudices towards each other inside the queer community. There's the biphobia and transphobia from other members, POC who are targeted by racism and so on. Being queer does not mean one is immune to being prejudiced, that goes for your ex as well. I'm not saying that you are biased, because I do not know you, I'm just trying to shine a light on the fact that there are oppositions within this community as well. Her telling you that you're not allowed to be upset by the AIDS crisis sounds unreasonable to me. One doesn't have to have personally experienced a thing to be able to understand that it was bad and to wish it hadn't happened. Yes, you might not have the same connection to it that a gay man living in the 80s would have had but to me (a non-binary, bisexual inidividual) that doesn't mean you can't mourn the tragedy and stand beside other queer people in the effort to remember those who fell victim to it and to try and prevent something like it from happening again.

I think of it in a similar way that I think of my responsibility as a white person in the anti-racist movement. I don't want to talk over POC, but I also don't want to remain silent in some false belief that it's "none of my business". So what I do try to do is be mindful of who I follow on social media so that I don't end up with a 90% white feed, I sign petitions and read and reblog things from people who actually do face racism, I donate to organizations, I confront family members who say racist things, and I do my best to take critique when people tell me that something I'm doing or saying is harmful so that I might learn and be better. And I am definitely upset when I hear/see racist things because I sympathize/empathize.

Your ex does not get to tell you that you're not mentally ill enough, and she does not get to decide that you sexual identity isn't queer enough. I hope that you'll reach a point where you're comfortable with your identity.

Take care.

- Julia

[nothorses]

So I have a question/something I'd like your input on, since I feel like you'd have something interesting to say about this.

Anyways, some background: i'm in a child and youth care program in a rather left leaning, relatively progressive college, in a rather left leaning/progressive city.

It's actually been a very validating experience so far--I feel so much more accepted here then at my last school, which, while it was located relatively close to the city, had a rather more conservative student body and faculty. I had to fight for accomodation and acceptance, and I didn't end up going to my convocation since, when I had asked, they said they wouldn't call my prefered name when I'd get the certificate at the ceremony, or use the right name on it (they made it seem that their hands were completely tied, even though I know of other schools who've done this exact thing, incl the school I'm at now, without needing proof of a legal name change).

Anyways, at this school, i'm even having instructors I don't even know well going to bat for me and using their connections to get the help I needed when I was having trouble with my name being displayed wrong in the online classroom. Like, thank god for having CYC's as profs, right?

So, to my point: one of our classes is all about inclusion and anti oppressive practices. It's literally the name of the class. I actually enjoy the class a fair bit--despite classes being virtual, my class is sharing a lot and there's a lot of bonding and openness going on in the virtual lecture space. It's encouraged me to be open about my own troubles as a trans person, and people have been v supportive.

In a recent lecture, we start talking about the different terms of discrimination against various groups that face oppression (like, racism, albleism, etc). So she asks us: what is the term for discrimination against trans people? And I say Transphobia. Because that's the term I see most often, and the one I say myself. Apparently the Proper term now is cissexism (or cisgenderism?), and I got chided for saying transphobia.

I went and turned my mic on and basically said that I feel like transphobia is the term the general population is only Just started to take seriously, and the instructor argued that as we're in an academic circle, and as CYCs, it's our job to use the most progressive terms to move things forward, and that we shouldn't be conflating the discrimination trans people face with a phobia. Since, not only does it validate the fear of trans people, but it's not fair to those that have legitimate phobias.

I dropped it there, but I was brave and I asked to speak with the instructor after class.

During that talk, I pretty much said that it's hard being probably the only trans person in at least first year, and being visible and open as one, and having to be told the "right" term to use for my own experiences. She could relate, she said, as she's a black woman, and have faced probably similar experiences from white people correcting her on terms she uses for her own experiences. She did say though, as she's in the role of an instructor, it is her job to educate herself, think on what they're saying, and potentially make changes to her language.

But, she also said she can't speak for my experiences, and she won't make me change my language.

I was appreciative, and I talked about things I've personally faced, and how, even just 10 years ago, trans people were treated so frequently as a joke. Even on screen deaths were funny in media. I brought up that the trans panic defense was still considered a valid defense to use in court not long ago (and still probably is in some places), and someone won a case recently that way. Even just the term "transphobia" is only just recently been taken seriously, in my eyes, while before it was often brushed off as not a legitimate concern. Even when I was first coming out, I was told I was just confused, or trans people were just doing it for attention. I still face open glares sometimes, purposeful misgendering, fights with my sister about some of her transphobic views she refuses to question... And while it was hard to be that vulnerable, the conversation ended on a very good note.

I personally don't feel ready to change this language. But I don't really know if I was in the right to argue all of this. I'm only one trans person, I don't want to talk over those who've probably fought to switch the language away from "transphobia" as the valid term. But, i'm in an awkward position of being an unofficial spokesperson as the token trans guy in the class, talking to a lot of folks who've admitted I am the first trans person they've met. So, i dunno, i'm weird with conflict and I was wondering what you're thoughts were on all of this.

This is kind of a tricky one for a lot of reasons, tbh? And I have... a few thoughts. This is already super long, so under the cut it goes!

The first thing is that “transphobia” and “cissexism” aren’t actually interchangeable; they’re different concepts. “Transphobia” refers to bigotry against trans people or transness in general, while “cissexism” or “cisgenderism” is appealing to (or is) the wider system of oppression. (x)

That’s not to say those words are actually used that way in practice, because they’re not, and I certainly don’t use them that way every time either. Like you said, “transphobia” is the word people more often understand. When I’m writing for or talking to audiences that don’t already have a strong background in trans theory, I stick to “transphobia” for clarity’s sake.

But if you’re positioning yourself as an educational authority on the subject, and even going so far as to correct trans people on those terms- you should know that. If your question is “which term refers to discrimination against trans people?”, your answer is reliant upon how you choose to define “discrimination” in that context.

It’s also reasonable to assume people would answer with the first term if they don’t know both of them, and what she’s set up sounds like an unfair “gotcha!” meant to cow uninformed cis people.

And tbh, I take issue with that. There’s a great essay on this- The Cycle of Socialization by Bobbie Harro. The core of this cycle, which allows oppression to continue and encourages its perpetuation, includes confusion and insecurity: oppression is complex, and big, and people are afraid of taking a stand and doing it wrong. They are insecure in their knowledge and position, and afraid that if they try, they’ll get it wrong, and they’ll be punished. So they stay silent. What is that “gotcha!” moment doing except enforcing that fear and silence?

The other thing here are her reasons for using “cissexism” instead. She’s absolutely right that there is dialogue about what terms to use, and her listed reasons are informed and well-educated. I don’t know how I feel about the discussion myself, honestly, as I’ve seen it from the start and I’ve watched it play out for multiple years.

I don’t know if I agree that it’s ableist, part of that being that the “-phobic” thing was originally created as a “compassionate justification” for people’s bigotry against gay people (though there is the “-misic/misia” replacement for “-phobia” if you prefer). That’s still problematic for different reasons; like she said, it might validate bigotry as “fear”. “Cissexism” illustrates bigotry as enforcing a system rather than being honestly rooted in feelings, and that’s generally a good thing, imo.

But, y’know, “transphobia” is what people readily understand, and punishing people for using it is counterproductive. Using “transphobia” as a starting point for a discussion and an understanding is helpful, too; it connects these ideas back to what people already know. It meets them where they are. If you want to add “cissexism” to their vocabulary from there, please do! But that shouldn’t be rooted in shame.

I don’t know if any of this is helpful, but I thought I’d throw out what seemed to be the core of the issue to me, in case it resonated with you. If you still feel weird about the interaction, it might be worth it to address that with her again; she seems like she’s genuinely trying, and cares, and like she’s open to making changes. If nothing else, you might be able to sort out what’s still bugging you and address it as a feelings issue, rather than a language one, if that works better for you.

Good luck! And sorry for the super long answer, lol.

[singofsolace]

Did you saw that Skye called some of her CAOS castmates racist ?😨

Another anon also asked something similar around the same time: 

Do you think Skye is calling out MG or MO? (Personally i don't think that the fact they don't post means that they are ok with what happened, but she seems personally offended). 

So, this is the post that the first anon is referring to. Skye Marshall has since edited these words, so that they don’t reference her CAOS castmates at all, but this was the original. 

First of all, I don’t think Skye is calling them racist. Failure to post about a traumatizing, racially charged subject does not equal racism. I think people are jumping too quickly to conclusions about what “radio silence” on social media means or reflects about the person who fails to post (or rather REPOST) a phone number or a petition.

Now, do I think Skye Marshall is entitled to feel this way? ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY. There’s nothing wrong with anything she said in this caption, and I’m sorry that she felt the need to edit it. Skye is right; if Michelle, Miranda, or Kiernan posted about current events in the US, it would reach a huge audience. In a perfect world, they would be using their white privilege and follower-power to fight the good fight. 

In regards to the question of who she’s specifically calling out: Skye Marshall seems to be referring specifically to castmates she saw on social media, because she says “I know you’re active and you see.” Michelle Gomez and Miranda Otto have definitely both been posting since all of this news broke, and not a peep about George Floyd. BUT, again, I don’t think they’re intentionally trying to make a statement with their silence. (Whether it’s intentional or not, it IS a statement, but I don't think we should rush to conclusions as to motive and character and such).

Conversely, just because Lucy Davis reposted the number to call and the link to the petition, doesn’t make her a saint, just as Michelle and Miranda not posting doesn’t make them the devil. I don't think we should be applauding people for their ability to hit a button and share some info. Of course, I’m glad that she’s sharing it; I just don't think it should be treated like a badge of honor, or a “free pass” from this discussion of white silence, when she only did it days later, and possibly in response to Skye’s call out. 

I, for one, am surrounded by this news 24/7. Scrolling through my social media is giving me so much anxiety that I’ve had to cut myself off from all news several times in the last few days. People keep sharing graphic videos of Black men dying at the hands of police, and i cant stand to see the image of that officer murderer kneeling on Floyd’s neck one more time. 

I am distressed and horrified by the injustice in this country. There is nothing I could say on the subject that hasn’t already been said (which doesnt mean I should be silent; I’m just saying, some people literally don't have any words left. they’re speechless. you never know what’s going on in their heads).

Just because scrolling through social media right now is making me viscerally ill doesn’t mean i don't care about what’s happening. My silence (and I’m specifically talking about not flooding this blog with George Floyd) is the result of being overwhelmed and horrified and physically sick. 

I don’t speak for Miranda Otto or Michelle Gomez. It’s quite possible they have different reasons for being “silent.” Many people will and should call them out on this. You never know if they’re showing their support in ways other than announcing it on social media. But I recently saw on twitter that Kiernan Shipka has received death threats for not posting. Death threats. When you start threatening people’s lives over social media, you need to take a long look in the mirror. How is that helping the cause? (It’s not).

Bottom line: Skye is right that the silence of her castmates is deafening. She’s right to be upset--even furious--that they aren't using their privilege to help the cause. I just think we as fans and not personal acquaintances of MG or MO need to take a step back and ask ourselves what is an appropriate reaction and what isnt. Death threats aren’t ok. Cancel culture is reaching a really scary pitch right now.

Be angry. Be upset. Be disappointed. But at the end of the day, KS, MG, and MO are flawed human beings that won’t always measure up to your expectations. This is no reason to send death threats. 

P. S. These are just my opinions. I can understand if they upset you. I can understand if I’m letting you down for not ranting about white silence and how oppressive it is (which is true). I can think Skye Marshall is right and still believe that MG and MO are good people at heart. 

The end.

Edit: this post was made before Michelle posted on the subject. but again, it feels more like a response to Skye rather than genuine support, in my opinion (which could be completely wrong)

[selective-intelligence]

An Unhealthy Obsession

WARNING: This fic is going to contain themes of racism. If you are uncomfortable with this, please don’t progress any further.

It involves Raihan’s unhealthy obsession with reading certain articles on the media. He needs to McFrcking stop... so Leon will attempt to stop it himself.

-----

The strongest gym leader of Galar, the dragon tamer, hadn't felt like his usual enthusiastic self lately. He had an obsession that was injecting toxins into his brain and gradually drove him mad. Conflicting emotions, such as worry, shame, fear, and disbelief were plaguing the leader.

Sitting on the comfort of his own couch, he scrolled down his phone screen with an anxious expression. His eyes darted back and forth as to read whatever horrors he was curious about that time...

Then, just as his mind was beginning to focus sharply on his reading, he heard the sound of footsteps and squeaked, dropping his phone into his lap and tensing up.

He almost forgot he had invited Leon over. The damn champion was taking so long in the bathroom that Raihan was given wiggle room to feed his obsession.

Raihan quickly turned his phone screen off and set it next to him, staring down at his thighs nervously as his nails dug into them. His blue eyes narrowed into a guilty and antsy position as he waited for Leon to take the last step down the stairs -- which felt like an eternity.

"Hey," the champion started, studying Raihan subtly. "Sorry I took so long..." As he immediately noticed Rai's positioning, he squinted his eyes in suspicion. He may have been a dull lightbulb, but he had the eye of a hawk. "Were you doing it again?"

Raihan tensed up more and sunk himself into the couch slightly, gazing up upon Leon every once in a while and looking back down. This was definitely the jackpot.

"Raihan," Leon cleared his throat, grimacing. "Don't make me do it... You'd better talk."

"W-What? I.... I didn't d-do anything," Raihan lied. Obviously. His voice was quivering, and he completely stopped trying to make eye contact.

The champion kept a menacing glare in his eyes as he took some steps forward and loomed over Raihan, who was shrinking down and smiling nervously. As soon as Lee leaned down and nearly touched his nose against Rai's, the dragon gym leader jolted and nearly squeaked again.

"Last chance..."

Raihan remained silent, avoiding eye contact yet again and pressing his shoulders against his neck. And then he felt two fingers jab into his sides.

"EEP!!" the taller man cried out, instantly slamming his elbows near his sides. "UWAAAH-- I-I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING-"

"I know the cues, Raihan!! You're getting it much worse for lying to me!" And with that, Leon straddled his boyfriend and dug his fingers into his sides, occasionally squishing and squeezing now and then.

"WAAAAH-!!" Raihan screamed, bucking his hips and writhing all while laughing hysterically and squealing. He slammed a hand into the couch repeatedly and swatted the other at Leon's fingers, making desperate attempts to stop him but to no avail. His reactions became even more hysterical when the champion began switching between ticklish spots -- such as his hips, stomach, ribs, neck, and underarms -- with gentle but deadly force.

"Are you gonna tell me the truth~?" Lee teased, switching back to Raihan's sides and quickly diving his fingers into them.

"N-NEVAAAHAHHAAHAH-!!" Raihan retorted stubbornly and jabbed his fingers into Leon's sides as an act of defense. He had successfully made the champion yelp and pull his own arms down for a moment.

Then... Leon gave his boyfriend a cold glare. "Oh, you're really getting it now."

The two were basically fighting at that point. They continued to poke at each other and even attempted a few full-out assaults until they were off the couch and on the floor, rolling around and wrestling with no end in sight. A combination of deep and high-pitched laughter filled the air, along with a few squeals and yelps.

Finally, Leon managed to get his target's arms pinned to the floor and gazed down at him. They were both panting heavily with flushed faces -- Raihan's definitely more exhausted than the other's.

"O-Okay, okay!!" Raihan squeaked, panicking as he threw his head to the side. "I-I was looking at those dumb racism a-articles again... I'm just curious!! I-I need to know--"

Leon cut him off. "No you don't. You already know enough... You're just bullying yourself at this point." And with that, he slowly let go of Raihan's wrists and sat next to him, playfully squishing his cheeks together. "Don't you understand already? There's no point in dwelling deeper if it's hurting you!"

Raihan pouted and gently slapped his boyfriend's hands off his face, folding his arms over his chest afterwards. "A-Aahah, well... Do you really b-blame me for being curious? I-I mean... I just... I want to know why t-the world thinks I-I'm so ugly and--"

"Shush." Leon's tone was bold and serious. "You're beautiful the way you are, Raihan -- inside and out. And not everyone thinks of you like that, you know... Not me, not Hop, not my mom -- no one I know."

"W-Well," Raihan started again, playing with the collar of his hoodie. "I-I'm sure... some people t-think I'm aggressive, angry, e-easy to pick a fight, overreactive, a-and stupid-... A-And my hair's not even normal--"

"Raihan!!" The champion couldn't help himself and shouted at his boyfriend, agitation plastered on his expression -- which made Rai's muscles jump. "Just stop it!! All this article reading isn't good for you! You're the sweetest man I know and you know it! And would you say that about another black folk's hair? Would you?!"

Raihan went silent, tears welling up in his blue eyes. He blinked and let them roll down his face as his body quivered, and all eye contact went avoided yet again. "I-I'm... I'm s-sorry... I--"

"You're not sorry," the angry champion retorted, trying to soften up his voice a bit as guilt hit his chest. "... You would've stopped a long time ago if you were sorry. Remember, this is advice for you, not me. I care about you, Raihan..."

"W-Why do you care about me? I-I'm just an u-ugly, black mess with the IQ of a walnut!! I-Isn't that what I am?! That's what the world says I am!! It must b-be true, right?!"

Lee gazed down at his hysterical other in complete and utter shock before softening his expression with a subtle smile, leaning down to hug him.

"None of that is true, Raihan," he started, rubbing Rai's back in concern and comforting him. "You may be naive and oblivious, but that doesn't mean you're stupid. It's just a stereotype. You and I are both human beings, along with everyone else. Humanity has made lots of mistakes, but it doesn't mean anything they say about black folks is true. Do you understand?"

Raihan hesitated before nodding lightly, sobbing his eyes out and hiccuping uncontrollably at this point. He had gone absolutely hysterical.

"Y'know what I do when people are racist towards my Asian ethnicity?" Leon grinned widely and bared his pearly white teeth as Raihan curiously gazed at him. "I laugh at them!! It's quite entertaining to listen to an idiot talk!"

"S-Shut up. I wanna be upset," Rai giggled aloud, covering his mouth. This made Leon perk up.

"And your hair, Raihan..." The champion grabbed a strand of the taller man's curly hair, stretching it out with a mischievous look on his face before letting it go. "Boing!! What can I say? You've got literal springs for hair!!" He kept repeating this behavior until Raihan's sobs evolved into laughs.

"S-Stop that!!" The dragon leader playfully slapped at Leon's hand and found the spring comparison quite amusing -- and he didn't mind it at all.

"See? You're adorable." Lee laughed along and squeezed Raihan's cheeks together with glee. "Ethnicity doesn't matter at all, bro-!! Little wittle Raihy-waihy, such a cute wittle Raihy--"

"STOOOP--" Raihan was snorting and laughing again, attempting to get away from Leon's stupid-ass antic hands. "O-Okay, I get it... I suppose I'm j-just overreacting t-to all these stereotypes and articles..."

"That's right," Leon grinned again, patting his boyfriend's chest. "You'll get it eventually. It's not a choice to be born the way you are, after all... But either way, you're perfect. And your blue eye to dark skin combination is absolutely stunning!"

Raihan grinned brightly, wiping his tears away. Part of him still couldn't believe those words, but he tried to take it to heart as best he could.

"T-Thank you, Leon..."

[nerdsideofthemedia]

Faunus and the White Fang: The Portrayal of Racism

RWBY has been adored by the progressive community due to the portrayal of 4 strong young women, at least 2 of whom are LGBTQ+. Not to mention the inclusion of other LGBTQ+ minor characters.

Despite this, the show is far from flawless, and it’s time to address what is probably its biggest problem: the portrayal of racism. I suspect this may end up being my most controversial post yet, but, like someone said, “It’s both possible, and even necessary, to simultaneously enjoy media while also being critical of its more problematic or pernicious aspects”.

Before I start I think it’s important to clarify that unlike in conversations about being a woman and LGBTQ+, in this one, I come from a place of no experience, since I am a white European. I do not intend to speak over POC, nor do I claim that my knowledge on the subject is flawless (far from it). Hopefully, this is only the start of a conversation and not the entirety of it.

To be clear: I am not a part of RWBY hatedom. While it’s flawed, I like it, I wouldn’t be doing it if I didn’t. I am criticizing this aspect because racism exists in real life, so how the subject is handled is important and I don’t want the edgelords controlling this entire conversation because their stance on racism in real life is: it doesn’t exist.

Lazy worldbuilding

Like Bright and Crash, RWBY, for the most part, frames individuals as the main culprits of racism instead of the systems which favor certain groups over others. We see this with Cardin, Cordovin, V1 Weiss, Roman and the village people (in the Adam short). Yes, those racist individuals exist, sometimes like caricatures however, they are far from being the only or even the most relevant type of prejudice.

By putting the blame on very specific characters, racism is presented as something easily identifiable and fixable when it’s neither of those things for a significant portion of the population. People often ignore that though laws have changed, biases didn’t magically disappear, segregated neighborhoods didn’t desegregate themselves and the wealth accumulated before wasn’t redistributed. The racist policies of the past created the now and will affect the future unless we try to fix the system.

Keep in mind that the Faunus Rights Revolution happened after the Great War, so… less than 80 years ago. Considering this timeline, it’s just unlikely the Faunus would be equal anywhere, let alone in 2 kingdoms (Vacuo and Vale) and the only thing we see in Mistral is the possibility of discriminating with the ramen shop owner.

The mere fact this sign exists shows discrimination is possible but that shouldn’t be the only thing shown.

Atlas is the exception. In “Tipping Point”, we can hear a conversation about the Faunus, which mentions economic disparity and lack of opportunity, but it quickly fades into the background.

In terms of race issues, Remnant is wildly unexplored, even the renowned for its racism, Mistral. Maybe the writers just thought digging into politic could make for a boring story or maybe they didn’t want to risk alienating the portion of the audience that listens to edgelords. In either case, it makes no sense to have racism as a major theme.

Justifying racism

“Early men were scared to death of the Faunus, and honestly, it’s not too hard to sympathize with that. Seeing something that looks like you and acts like you walk out of the forest and reveal a pair of fangs, can be a little… upsetting.”

Qrow, World of Remnant about Faunus

This does sound a bit like justifying racism and trying to present as understandable. This is an idea that I see a lot. In a review of a book that had a new species and racism as a theme, one of the complaints was that there was no justification given for the treatment like welfare and gangs. Those aren’t causes of racism – they’re just excuses.  If anything, they have a lot more to do with stereotypes and wealth disparity caused by racism.  

RWBY does make this mistake with Blake’s speech in True Colors, which is reminiscent of when people hold all Muslims accountable for an attack done by one, judging them all for that person’s actions, even though we’d never do that for our own race.

“We’re just as capable of hate and violence as the humans, but I don���t think any of us would jump at the chance to point that out. So why are we letting Adam do it for us? By doing nothing and staying silent, we let others speak and act in our place. And if we’re not proud of the choices they make, then we have no one to blame but ourselves.”

Ghira does the same in the Adam character short, claiming Adam’s violence is the reason why people attack them. If you judge an entire race based on the actions of a few – that’s on you.

Um, actually Antifa is the problem

While the White Fang is not the only group of people fighting for Faunus rights (in the first episode, we learn they interrupted a peaceful protest), they are definitely the ones who are given the spotlight and it’s very unfortunate how they’re portrayed. With the exception of Ilia (and arguably Sienna), they are shown to be so radical that they are not only OK with destroying cities, but also mass murder. They are terrorists and don’t even deserve a face.

In contrast, the racists both deal with their shortcomings fast (Weiss and Cordovin), they all are worthy of sympathy and redemption (even Cardin and the ramen shop owner). I think the writers were going for “racists are people too”, which is a troublesome stance to take when you frame the ones fighting racism as flat out evil.

I imagine that Atlas is going to be shown to be more unforgivably racist and the Faunus will be more sympathetic, but… even so, it kind of feels like trying to make a case for “both sides”. Yikes!

Menagerie

I’m not entirely sure Menagerie was meant to be a paradise. It looks like it, Sun expresses loving it, but Blake quickly claims it’s overcrowded. I’ll give it that it seems a lot less developed than the other kingdoms judging by its constructions, but that’s about it. I think that if they were not going for a positive perspective on it, we should have been made more aware of Menagerie’s drawbacks.

To be clear, it’s wrong to force someone to live somewhere they don’t want to live, but I think it’s a bit problematic to present it as a paradise when in the real world, white supremacists are increasing and their way of speaking is by defending a white ethnostate, claiming homogenized societies are better.

Due to the lack of good characterization of the rest of Remnant, it makes it harder to believe Faunus really went to Menagerie due to being too jaded to be somewhere else because of racism.

Adam’s scar

I have written about Adam before and just so we’re clear, I stand by my post – I’m OK with him being there to be Blake’s cruel obsessive ex-boyfriend who wants to harm her and that he basically represents the last obstacle to close Blake and Yang’s arcs of running away and facing abandonment issues, respectively.

This been said, considering the story, the scar was a huge mistake and I have no idea why someone thought it was a good idea. We’re not supposed to feel sorry for him, it doesn’t make us empathize with him – he’s clearly beyond redemption when it’s revealed and it doesn’t tie to his main motivation, his obsession for Blake, which is the cause of him being in the story. The scar would only make sense if he was an anti-villain, someone with a good cause, but evil methods (Black Panther’s Killmonger). That has never been his story though. He’s always put Blake above his cause and ultimately, he meets his end because of his obsession with her, not because she decides to confront him about his methods. Not to mention that if the scar was tied to his motivation, we should have seen it a lot earlier, not 2 minutes before he died.

Giving him a scar that reveals a cruel treatment of Faunus by humans for no other reason than to show racism is going to have a spotlight in the next volume is incredibly cheap and an awful idea, especially when it basically means nothing for Adam himself and doesn’t humanize him at all – he’s literally trying to kill 2 main characters at that point.

“Remnant can’t be racist, because…”

I also want to counter a few bad arguments against the idea there can’t be any systemic racism in Remnant. The examples usually given are Leo being the headmaster of Haven Academy and Neon representing Atlas in the Vytal Festival.

Leo

Thanks to Raven, we learned Ozpin chose the headmasters in other academies, therefore it’s possible to infer Leo was Ozpin’s attempt at fixing Mistral’s racism.

Neon

Yes, she studies in Atlas, but the headmaster is Ironwood, chosen by Ozpin and probably is also fighting against racism as far as the academy goes.

“They wouldn’t allow a Faunus to represent their kingdom”.

The equivalent of “I can’t be racist, I have a black friend”. Allowing a Faunus to go helps with the “we’re not racists, we even have a Faunus representing us”.

Other than Ironwood, I see no one else who could even have a say in that decision.

“She wouldn’t accept to represent a racist kingdom”

This either reveals an incredibly dishonest take or an almost child-like naivety. I am sorry to burst your bubble, but often people do go against their own interests provided the salesmen know how to sell it (there are Muslims who voted for Trump, women who fought against women’s voting rights, etc.). We can have prejudices against groups we’re part of.

Many will gladly go against their groups’ interests, provided they have something to gain (more than a few people spring to mind).

In this case, her decision doesn’t even hurt Faunus as far as we know – it just advances her fame.

“The townspeople weren’t racist since they were wearing masks and had weapons and we never see what’s inside of the truck”

I cannot believe I have to dignify this with a response… First, the inside of the truck is irrelevant. We had no reason to believe it was anything bad and one certainly can’t start shooting someone else just because they find them “suspicious”. Murders have happened because of racist jackasses who wanted to play hero by attacking a black “suspicious” person. Second, it’s Remnant, a place so full of monsters, teenagers are allowed to have weapons. They are clearly needed to go from one town to another. Sure, they could have dropped their weapons, but that still doesn’t change they weren’t attacking, not even in self-defense. Third, Ghira was still in charge of the White Fang and we know that during this time, the methods of the group were mostly peaceful, even if they were already wearing masks.

“They allowed an army of Faunus to go to Mistral”

OK, this is by far the most difficult one to justify, but not because of race – it’s just the authorities should have handled it all by themselves and I highly doubt they would allow civilians to fight against a terrorist attack. As for the racism point, the Faunus clearly warned the authorities, so I think it’s very unlikely they were bad guys and their weapons were awfully rudimentary. It’s not a great explanation, but I don’t think it’s more of a hit on verisimilitude than letting civilians fight.

Conclusion

I think the problems in the portrayal of race is due to a lack of understanding of racism, insufficient worldbuilding which should have been done before beginning to write RWBY and, probably, trying to avoid alienating any groups in the audience, which is not likely when the subject is racism and should not be the goal. This resulted in a mess where it feels like there is a need to frame racism as wrong, yet understandable (WoR), easy to fix, and too worried about holding the audience to task, hence sticking to cartoonish racism. While all of that is already pretty bad, it’s impossible to deny that it isn’t made worse by the rise of white supremacist groups.

I wish the writers will be more careful during the Atlas arc, but I fear we might be entering a white savior’s narrative as Weiss will probably be the focus of it. I tend to give credit to RWBY for putting the minority character at the center of their struggle, but ultimately Blake was there to fight her own and I suspect they will do the same with Weiss – she will fight her father for the rights of the Faunus (at least partially) and she will be the one who ultimately fixes racism…yeah, we might be heading to a white savior narrative.

I am hoping for the best while preparing for the worst. Still, no matter how well the next arc is handled, it cannot fix the past volumes retroactively.

One last note, I think the election of Trump should be more than enough to reveal that racism is alive and well, but if you want to understand systemic racism and the portrayal of racism in media, here are a few links:

7 Ways We Know Systemic Racism Is Real;

Adam Ruins Everything (it’s a video);

NCSC Implicit Bias;

ContraPoints – America: Still Racist (also a video);

Bright: the Apotheosis of Lazy Worldbuilding (video);

Renegade Cut - Green Book - A Symphony of Lies (video).

More RWBY posts:

Filmmaking and Bumbleby

Bumblebee was Always the Plan

Bumblebee was Always the Plan part 2

BB & Renora

Weird Post on Weiss’s Clothes

Foils: Adam and Yang (this one is in wordpress; it was my first one and I didn’t have Tumblr then)

Let’s talk about Adam Taurus (I didn’t post this one on Tumblr because the title and tags could lead Adam fans thinking this was about “his wasted potential” when really it defends the decision of killing him off and explains why it happened)

As usual, the original.

[thisisdavidwolf]

names and faces

Want to know a secret?

I'm really, really bad at remembering names.

I know, I know. You're probably laughing right now.

I get it. A Theology major/future pastor or individual involved in ministry who can't remember names? Yeah, that might be an issue. ;) 

It's funny though. I can remember faces. I'll probably recognize you in a crowd. I can most likely tell you exactly how we met, what was said during that meeting, when we last saw each other, what you were wearing, and a literal ton of other small details regarding our acquaintance.

But I probably won't be able to remember your name. I’m sorry. I’m working on it. 

........................................................................................

I don't remember his name either. I've tried extremely hard to remember it as I have thought about him today, but it just isn't there. Nevertheless, I remember him and I suppose that is what is important. Let me tell you about this young friend.

He's kinda short--probably right around five feet. He’s probably only nine or ten, so I guess that's a pretty normal height. His head came up just about to my left shoulder. I know because he stood right beside me most of the day.

He's a student at an elementary school in a rougher part of town. As the van carrying myself and several other college students arrived early that morning, I remember feeling slightly shocked as I gazed upon an older building surrounded by a tall, chainlink fence complete with barbwire. My eyes, which had grown accustomed to the kind and warm buildings of my university's campus, involuntarily blinked several times as they adjusted to the environment I was now in. It felt rough. Cold.

...both metaphorically and in actuality. It was actually cold. The first thing I noticed when I met my young friend was that he was dressed extremely warm. That kid had to have had on at least three layers, not including his big winter coat, and he was wearing insulated snow pants. I laughed a little bit inside. When he told me later (while shaking his head and trying fain disgust) that his mother had forced him to dress like he did, "So he wouldn't freeze to death," my internal laughter might have slipped out for a split second. I wondered if we had the same mother.

While I don't exactly remember my first words to him, they were most likely some variation of a smile and a "Wassuuup, dude!". That's kinda my standard line when I met someone new. He introduced himself, and we joked for a little bit while the older adults figured out what needed to be done around the school. When I finally selected a task, my friend had made his selection too.

"I'm with you," he said.

We talked as we picked up trash together. Eventually, our conversation moved beyond scattered small talk and became a little more personal. I was surprised that he led the majority of the conversation.

"What grade are you in?" he asked.

"I'm in college, my guy," I responded.

"College?"

"Yeah. I'm studying Theology."

"Theology?"

"Yeah, like the Bible and religion and stuff."

"Oh, so you want to be a pastor or something?"

I smiled slightly at his response.

"Yeah, something like that," I responded.

We picked up more trash for several minutes.

"You like basketball?" he asked me.

I wish I was quick enough to connect the dots between our conversations, but I wasn't. Kids can be so quick. Sometimes I wonder if the average child is actually smarter than the average adult--perhaps it’s just a matter of learning how to express that intelligence. I told him I wasn't really that big into sports, and he looked a little shocked and disappointed. I asked him about his favorite team or player, and he went on and on as he told me about them. I could tell this was something he really loved to talk about. Our conversation eventually shifted to football, and he later showed me that he had his favorite team's logo on one of the three million shirts he was wearing.

"What do you want to do when you get older?" I asked.

"I want to join the NBA!" he said.

The way his eyes lit up as he said those words made me smile. He told me that he was apart of a small team that played other teams in his neighborhood, but that they weren't very good. He admitted that with more of a tone of disgust than of shame. All of the older kids wanted to get into the NBA too, he told me. I could tell part of him was living on this dream of making it big in basketball.

As we walked outside the gate and picked up trash along the fence, my new friend shook his head in a very grown-up manner and said, "These streets are wild, man. These streets and neighborhoods are crazy. I've heard gunshots before. We had someone get killed a while back."

I paused. I’d heard gunshots before. In fact, between three or four of our neighbors, I've probably heard 20x the amount he had. I grew up in the country. Our neighbor to the west seems to have a particular affinity for blowing through copious amounts of money in the form of ammo for his semi-automatic toys. But I've never heard anyone shoot at someone else before, or heard shots echo in a small neighborhood.

Behind the mannerism that seemed to tell me that he was repeating something he had heard an adult say, I saw a kid who was probably a little scared. I think he realized that I didn't know exactly what his life was like, and it seemed he was trying to gain my respect in a way. I told him that sounded hard, rough, and a little scary. He nodded. We were both silent for a while.

"Why are you guys here? Do they pay you or something?" he asked.

"Not exactly," I laughed. "Our school lets the students take the day off in order to do some volunteering. There are a lot of community service projects happening today. I decided to come here."

"So this isn't required?"

"Not really."

"I bet lots of kids are sitting in their rooms watching Tv or playing video games. That's what I would be doing," he told me.

I just smiled.

"Do you have a TV in your room?" he asked.

...and so our conversation continued.

As I think about it now, I was a bundle of contradicting feelings as I rode away from the school that day. On the one hand, our group had been a great help to the busy teachers and staff. We had cleaned, painted, raked leaves, organized sheds, and picked up trash. But on the other hand, it seemed so cruel for us to swoop in, make friends with some of these kids, and then just leave. It seemed so wrong to make a friend just for one day.

And yet, I felt a growing conviction that my experience with my young friend was ministry. Just walking with someone--even for a short time. Being present. Sharing in his or her joys and fears. 

I didn't understand or think about it then, but I realize now that this is an incredibly high calling. Lord, help me.

........................................................................................

I told you at the start that I'm not great at remembering names. I guess that's not entirely true. Tonight, I can't shake the names of several individuals.

Ahmaud Arbery

Breonna Taylor

George Floyd.

You've probably heard these names too.

Racism and police brutality are uncomfortable topics. It's tempting to turn away, dismiss the problem, play the blame game, wait for "all the facts," shift the focus to condemning the riots and looting... I know because I realize I've done it. In an attempt to not let myself feel the hurt, I've grown calloused and indifferent to the deaths I read about on the news. Any one of the above responses is easier on my heart.

But you know what's breaking my heart? I can't stop imagining my young, trash collecting friend. In some sick twist of fate, what if he was underneath the knee of that police officer? What if he was murdered while jogging? What if he was just sleeping peacefully, only to be shot?

Those questions hurt, friend. And I think that's a good thing.

I'm leaning in. I'm listening, reading, learning, and desperately seeking to approach this topic with as much empathy and love as Jesus would. It's uncomfortable--but I am carrying a growing conviction that this discomfort is a good thing.

I challenge you to join me in the discomfort.

........................................................................................

As I have thought on this issue over the past several days, I've begun to feel and absorb lots of different emotions--emotions of my own and of others. As I scrolled through social media, watched videos, and read articles to educate myself, I found that I was beginning to feel overwhelmed. So much of my personality includes helping and giving. How can I help? How can I give? A sea of voices offered many steps to take.

Educate yourself.

Sign these petitions.

Send an email.

Vote, especially in your local elections.

Donate to these organizations.

Watch this video.

Participate in peaceful protests.

Engage in difficult conversations with family and friends.

Don't mistake me, all of these are valid and great action items. I'm doing several of them. Yesterday, however, I found myself concentrating so much on these things that I lost my focus. In my quest for answers, my balance between horizontal and vertical focus began to tilt way too far in the wrong direction. Not only did I begin to lose focus, but I also began to lose peace.

Perhaps this is unnecessary, but let me clarify what I mean by "losing my peace." I don't mean that I was simply uncomfortable--I've already stated that I'm trying to intentionally lean into that feeling. Rather, I felt the world grow dark as I began to realize that I couldn't fix it all. 

My voice is so small. We're fighting ideas and trying to fix messed up hearts and minds (mine included). What good is just signing a petition, writing an email, or making a phone call? Injustice will still exist. Pain will still be a real reality. Death will still occur. I can never give enough or help enough to fix the problem. 

God, I can't fix it all!

You're right, David. You can't fix it all. But don't you know Someone who can? Let Me work through you. 

The thought wasn't as much of a direct statement as it was a slow realization--and it instantly broke away the darkness. Oh friend, how confusing and dark it is when one forgets the vertical relationship that fuels the horizontal action.

As I sought for new answers this morning, I came upon Psalm 101. The first three verses spoke to my heart.

I will sing of mercy and justice

To You, O LORD, I will sing praises.

I will behave wisely in a perfect way

Oh, when will you come to me?

I will walk within my house

with a perfect heart.

I will set nothing wicked before my eyes

I hate the work of those who fall away

It shall not cling to me.

This Psalm is a pledge and a promise. But do you know what I find ironic? I can't possibly hope to fulfill any of these promises on my own. Behave wisely in a perfect way? Walk with a perfect heart? Set nothing wicked before my eyes? I cannot achieve this level of perfection on my own, and I think that's the point.

I need a Savior. I need Jesus.

My world needs Jesus. You and I have been given the gift of being able to represent Him to a hurting world. With His help, will I represent Him well?

I need to remember that Jesus still reigns in heaven and that this world is not my home, but I also have a work to do while I'm here. The Christianity that I claim to hold dear calls me to "do justice, to love kindness, and to walk humbly with my God." While I point others to my Savior through action and word, I prayerfully beg the Holy Spirit to open my eyes, strip me of my selfishness and pride, and impart divine wisdom so that I can love and stand with my fellow man as Jesus would.

That's what my God asks of me. The vertical will give me purpose and strength as I wrestle with the horizontal. 

Is He asking the same things of you, friend?

........................................................................................

2020 is turning out to be quite the year of growth. Lord, have mercy.

[againstthegrainphoto]

...too booked to be bothered...

....I might be a little overwhelmed right now...

...with all the work and photos and holidays and shit that’s going on.....

.....but I”ve been holding in so much word vomit, I really need to puke.

so unfortunately due to the fact that facebook is full of people who would judge me and tell me I am wrong and a horrible person and a victim shammer and racist and god knows whatever else after I get these thoughts out....you get them here tumblr! Call me whatever you want.....I couldn’t care less.

tumblr: where I hide nothing and am actually the most real to myself than any other god forsaken social media. I mean how well can you even know someone by their social media though? fucking ridiculous.

So sit down. buckle up. this is going to be an extremely long one, spanning many issues.

First off. I my uncle died on friday. I’ve been silent on the issue. Is it bad I mourn for my mom and his might as well be wife? Not so much him. He spent his life ruining it with drinking and smoking and bad choices that negatively affected those around him. He waited until he couldn’t talk before going to get a fucking TUMOR even assessed by a doctor. and didn’t even sign himself up for medicare until his brother basically did it for him after the “discovery” of the tumor. What do you mean he had throat cancer? I thought 60 years of smoking is good for you?!?!*shock* My heart breaks for my mom and his wife(ish). I am really worried that the wife(ish) is going to be like “well he gave up, so i might as well too”.....like even if it’s not a conscious thought or decision....maybe especially if its not. ya know? the whole situation just sucks.

People are so shitty to each other. So shitty. Like, I’m a not-really-participating-member of the “beauty community” or whatever you want to call it. But I am a fairly large consumer of the beauty world. I have a fucking addiction to makeup. I love it. I want it. I collect it. I spend way too much money on it. I buy it for my friends. I buy it for me. I buy it for my family. And I like to keep up on the front cutting edge of what’s happening and what’s new and what’s available and what is the very best product. I also can’t afford to purchase every high end makeup release, but I do like watching and hearing others opinions about them. It’s just sad to see that the more widely viewed/available/posting reviewers are such shady, backhanded, backstabbing people. And not just that, but fucking FAKE. their videos and such are so positive and good looking, but if you follow them in any other form they show they are such fake ass drama creating bullshit. not to name names, but I literally cannot stand jacylin hill or laura lee or nikki tutorials and thier fucking boring ass makeup and annoying high school personalities....yet they have their own fucking palettes? how are these people the ones that get their fucking name on the make up?? why don’t companies choose people with an ounce of creativity?!??! I’m not saying I love and adore jeffree star....but goddamn he makes cool original and creative products. I also am not a fan of kat von d......but if you make a fucking stunning product...I will buy it. (re: saint/sinner palette.......so far worth every penny....i love it....and really if you do the math you’re paying like $2.60 per shadow in that thing.....totally better than the serpentina palette I talk shit about every chance I get...).....Seeing them as so annoying makes watching their videos close to impossible because you develop such a hatred for them and who they are.

This halloween I had such a hard time stomaching all the bullshit that was being passed around regarding children’s costumes. In my mind I really do think that there is a line...and it’s not THAT gray.....between being disrespectful to a culture (ie “cultural appropriation”) and having an appreciation of a culture. Example: I shared an article about a Chilkat robe that was returned to alaska. I do not believe that having it hung in their house was WRONG. and I feel like I should have clarified this when I shared the article instead of just saying that I appreciated it. What I really appreciated was that an ORIGINAL FUCKING ARTIFACT was returned to its origin to be kept and studied and passed on for the heritage. Hanging native alaskan art I do not believe is wrong. FYI THEY FUCKING SELL IT. YOU CAN PURCHASE IT WHEN YOU GO THERE. THE NATIVE ARTISTS MAKE MONEY THIS WAY. THEY WANT YOU TO BUY IT AND HANG IT ON YOUR FUCKING WALLS. Hanging native american art in your house and admiring it’s beauty IS NOT FUCKING CULTURAL APPROPRIATION. Now what I do believe is not so great would be emphasizing things of a culture that are cliche or negative. Like dressing up as say like a Muslim terrorist for halloween.....That I believe is wrong. Most Muslims are not terrorists........you dressing up as that for halloween is not appreciating their culture...it’s you being part of the problem by promoting the idea that terrorists are Muslim and Muslims are terrorists......but your child wanting to dress up as Mulan or...what was it this year? Moana? right? like there was press about making sure your fucking 6 year old isn’t allowed to dress up as her. I do not think that is not cultural appropriation. The only reason why they would want to dress up like this is because they think this character is the greatest thing ever and want to be them. That is appreciation. And most likely they have zero regard for what color their hero’s skin is. It’s so horrible for a white little girl to want to be Pocahontas or Mulan but how many little not-white little girls wanted to be Ariel or Belle? or Aurora? AND STILL DO TO THIS DAY? no one talks about them? They should not be limited to only wanting to be the princess of their own skin color!! none of the children should. That’s how you fucking START racism is it not?? Jesus christ. I maybe pale as fuck......but just for the record I am a papered and registered native. Like I literally carry a card and have multiple certificates certifying that I am native. Like there is question to even whether or not “eskimo” is a negative slur now apparently. But that’s what my goddamn papers say I am. God I’m just so over all this “cultural appropriation” bullshit we are inundated with every goddamn day. We are all fucking humans. Let us (and children especially) appreciate what we personally like.

Moving on in this word spewing of views that I’m sure some of you don’t agree with.

Fucking sexual assault. Another thing I am so goddamn over right now. Does it need to stop? Fucking yes it does. Some of the things coming out of the woodwork are absolutely appalling. But the problem lies with.....well...THE LIES. Just like a dude is totally capable of sexually assaulting a girl....a girl is totally capable...if not even more capable...of lying about a dude assaulting her. And regarding this within the music scene.....Is there ARE groupies. There are tons and tons of fucking crazy fans out there. I’ve seen them with my own eyes. They’ve left weird comments on my own photos. And that’s partially the problem is that we believe an half crazed girl who says “*insert any talented hack with a bit of fame behind their name here* sexually assaulted me!!!” over any other facts. And if we don’t believe her we are “victim shaming”....Unfortunately, I have seen those that are crazy enough to say something like this to get a bit of fame. I have seen the girl who vaguebooks every goddamn day. I have seen the girl who fucks her way up the social ladder.....it’s only a matter of time before she’ll start claiming “abuse”. Do I think every case is fame fueled, career damaging, revenge for not paying attention to a fan, bat shit crazy bitch claiming sexual assault?....no. not at all. There are fucking disgusting dudes out there making music and have been proven time and time again that they are exactly what they are shown to be: sexual predators. I’m not going to name names.....but I know a couple names that come to the top of my mind. One never had my support......I mean you just can NOT have a target audience with an average age of 12 and have lyrics about “liking it better on the floor” and “make you wanna fuck all night” and “she sucks me till it snows, i’ll fuck her face so hard”.....I”M SORRY. NO. I’m getting pissed off just looking up these fucking horrible lyrics. fucking talentless joke of a human being. I also personally witnessed this person show his full ass to a crowd of fucking 12 year olds. Pretty sure that’s frowned upon and why the spd were out by his bus after the show. Of course....obviously....nothing serious came of it and it was swept under the rug. The other....just makes me sad. His own words were his own conviction. Calling out and berating girls while confessing his less than innocent relations with them in a public form seen by thousands. girl. bye.  So it’s totally not that sexual assault doesn’t happen in the music scene.....but I’ve literally seen more fucking batshit crazy bitches than I have seen sexual preditors. I just feel like no one takes an objective view of it??? it’s all “SHE WAS ASSAULTED!!!! HE DESERVES HIS CAREER RUINED AND DEATH!!!”....no one is listening to the accused in these cases. it’s all a fucking head hunt......I’m seriously concerned for the band decapitation. they’ve been stuck out of their home country for months now. their band is ruined. their reputations are ruined. and unless they ACTUALLY fucking gang raped this spokane girl......well...their lives as they know it are over regardless.....if they actually did rape her then their lives are actually over and they get what they deserve.....BUT so much inconsistencies???....and one of the girls was pulled over for dui?....and is it really going to boil down to whether or not the girl gave consent?....I mean who can be the judge of that??? it’s all going to be on her word.....and she has a documented history of providing false information to the police before??.....christ....what a shitshow......so far the only musician that I can 100% back up the ruining of his career and his death is ian watkins from lostprophets. that dude can die and then fucking rot in purgatory....hell is too good for him.

moving on.

My local scene. my peeps. muh regulars. The division amongst them the past few months has been sad to me. The solidarity that we had a year ago is gone for good. I really don’t think it’s ever coming back. it’s like it got divorced. What’s funny is while I am a part of this group.....I am not TRULY a part of it. even though I consider it my own. I actually have very few friendships within this group, sure I’m facebook “friends” with all these people. But I am more a documenter of this subculture. yeah I look and like and dress the part. yeah I’m at most the events. yeah people are beginning to recognize me without me having ever met them. But but my true real connections are very few. Am I sad about this? no. not at all. I am 120% ok with this. By being someone who is basically outside looking in.......I can see things perhaps others don’t see. Some of the most “popular” people in this crowd........they are not the most beautiful people. And this has nothing to do with appearance. We are goth. We are all beautiful on the outside. But that just means I will avoid them. Basically if I avoid you.....that means I see you as a either negative input in my life and I don’t want it or I am unsure of how you feel about me. If I make an effort to spend time with you....that means I see you as a positive energy and I’ll take all I can get. lol. Honestly though. it’s like the cool photographer’s club.....the same people. at the same shows. every time. I don’t need it. I don’t need others approval. I don’t take photos for others. I take photos for me. if others enjoy them. that’s cool. But they’re for me. it’s like my image journal and/or catalogue of all the cool shit i’ve seen in my life. all the songs i’ve heard. My boss was all “I went to a concert once”......I’m like.....I’ve been to four in the past week and I’m drowning in photos. I think it’s bullshit to do free photos for national touring artists then charge the locals to even take photos. that’s being part of the problem. What new good bands are there? Everything happening right now is shit from the mid 2000s if not earlier. in the past like 18 months or so i’ve seen genitorturers, my life with the thrill kill kult, lords of acid, combichrist, christian death, incubus, jimmy eat world, wednesday 13, pig, orgy/julien k, iron maiden, gwar, vertical horizon, everclear, fastball, sabaton, eve 6, vanessa carlton, john 5, dope, lordi, powerman5000, pretty boy floyd, buckcherry, sebastian bach, opeth, faster pussycat, marilyn manson, slipknot, korn, rob zombie, 16 volt, tim skold, filter......HONESTLY the only newcomer with any staying power is fucking GHOST. which is why I’m even on this godforsaken site. Also in this moment might *MIGHT* have staying power....their show is pretty goddamn epic. It’s just not my thing though. I’m not into it. I mean....not gonna lie.....I liked the beautiful tragedy album.....when they played live they had screens with their logo on it and she was in a little yellow sundress and converse sneakers. Let me know if you want to see those photos. lolz. I laugh at those who photo for likes on facebook or instagram. it must be such a sad existence. A cool photog i’ve connected with recently is photoslavery...look her up......we have a lot of the same views on things and it’s refreshing to find another photog doing it for the fucking ART of doing it. also we use a similar arsenal of tricks.....which is funny......cause it’s a pretty unpopular/unknown?(doubtful)/unappreciated set up. But I obviously don’t listen to what’s known and popular. I heard a phrase the other day that just resonated with me....”too booked to be bothered”.....THAT IS ME. lol. I do not have time to be bothered by trivial things from irrelevant sources....

well I’ve been typing for ages. and I feel a bit better after I’ve vomited all this out. it’s been a rough few weeks.

[snarling-through-our-smiles]

do all the avengers!!

I am so sorry it took so long to get to this, it just took me forever to finish but HERE IT IS.  AT LONG LAST.

Avengers: What superpower would you like to have?Hrm. Pyrokinesis? Or telekinesis in general, including the ability to just GENERATE FIRE bc I have firebender aspirations

Iron Man: What is your favourite piece of technology?Smartphones. Smartphones for sure.

Captain America: What is your sexuality?As bi as Captain America actually is.

Black Widow: Share a secret.If I shared it, it wouldn’t be a secret anymore.

Thor: What is your religion?Largely agnostic, but I guess I observe the traditional Chinese/Taiwanese religious holidays. Except at this point, it’s more a cultural thing than a religious one even if the holidays have basis in the. Idk what it’d be called, the Chinese pantheon?

Hawkeye: What is your favourite movie?Right now it’s Dunkirk. And Logan. It’s all v depressing.

Hulk: How strong are you?I can thigh press like 150-ish pounds, and leg press like 200 pounds. My upper body strength is like. I’m not WEAK but I also can’t rly do a pull-up.

Loki: What is the biggest mistake that you have ever made?…good question. I’ve fucked up a lot in life. Like a fuckton. Although so far it’s probably not switching to an English major. Or not trying harder/better during uni. 

Scarlet Witch: If you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?The shitty state of the welfare of women and children

Quicksilver: Have you any siblings?Yeah, a little sister

Vision: What weight are you?11 stone

Ultron: What is the last text you sent?“What did you DO”

Ant-man: What height are you?17 hands

Wasp: What’s your full name?Shannon Lin

Bucky: Who is your best friend?Diamonds

Falcon: Which fictional character would you like to hang out with?Uh. I’m not sure. Idk if any of my favorite characters are people I’d want to hang out with. I guess Archer. Actually yes. Sterling Archer.

Spider-man: What is/was your favourite subject in school?Uhhh. I liked world history and US Government in high school.

Doctor Strange: Name a special talent you have.Uh. I can tie cherry stems into knots in my mouth. But that’s not like too special. I’m also really good with small children. And uh. I can identify a good number of obscure dog breeds on sight due to a childhood obsession with memorizing all the official AKC-recognized breeds.

Captain Marvel: What do you want to achieve in life?I want to leave a legacy. I want people to remember my name and what I did and be a legend. I want them to remember me as someone who fought tooth and nail for justice for children who needed someone to fight for them. I want them to remember me walking into courthouses like Vengeance personified. I want to be remembered by the justice system as someone you Do Not Fuck With.

Black Panther: How responsible are you?I’m pretty responsible about obligations to others and pretty irresponsible when it comes to myself.

Spider-woman: What is your favourite smell?Certain people. I will not disclose who. Also this uh. Weird industrial water smell that’s not petrichor.  And cold night air.

Nova: Do you prefer the moon or stars?Stars forever. I miss stars. We don’t get much in the way of stars in LA.

Luke Cage: What job do you want?I mean. Ideally something that involves minimal effort and maximal money. Like being a Social Media Influencer or something like a Kardashian without the tone-deafness and cultural appropriation. But irl, I wna be a children’s welfare attorney.

Jessica Jones: What is your favourite memory?Uh. I don’t know. I’ve never thought of memories and picked out a favorite and least favorite. The most pleasant ones I can think of right now are getting hired as a legal assistant at the law firm I work at right now and. Various memories of different boys I kissed.

Daredevil: What is your favourite song?Right now it’s Guten Tun from Wicked, sung by Willemijn Verkaik. It’s the German version of No Good Deed. Interestingly enough, Willemijn Verkaik and Idina Menzel both voiced Elsa and Elphaba. Michael Lynch’s rendition of Let’s Hurt Tonight is also up there right now.

Iron Fist: What is your favourite food?Oh god, so many. Tamago sushi. Salmon and mackerel nigiri. Niku udon from this one place next to my apartment. Liver and onions. Sautéed eggplants with ground pork. Like. So many.

Ms. Marvel: Who is your idol?Aesthetically, Eva Green. Career and legacy-wise, Kamala Harris.

X-men: What social issue do you feel strongest about? (sexism, racism, etc.)…I’m not sure I could pick out just one issue because they are all interconnected, and I can’t, for example, prioritize sexism over racism because that would lead to white feminism. And the sexism that women of color experience differs based on race and socio-economic status and education level and even living location. I guess the issue I’m LEAST concerned about is East Asian cultural appropriation. 

Professor X: What are you thinking about right now?Why is this so long and also the bus is so fucking late and I hate men on the bus

Cyclops: Do you wear glasses?Yeah when I’m driving and watching movies and sitting in the back of classrooms.

Rogue: What is your crushes name?Death

Magneto: What country are you from?Murica

Mystique: What is one thing that you would like to change about yourself?My puppy-like attention. Like I cannot pay attention to any one thing for more than like 5 minutes at a time. Even when I’m doing things I like, I have to stop every 5 to 10 minute max, or I have to multitask otherwise I get so bored.

Wolverine: What are you afraid of?So many questions here to expose my weaknesses…rats are one of my fears.

Phoenix: What is your favourite book?Right now, it’s The Girl Who Was Saturday Night and Call the Midwife.

Storm: What is your favourite type of weather?Cloudy and cool and right after the rain.  Then like.  Beach sunny where it’s bright and warm but not death-heat

Beast: What is your favourite animal?Wolves

Angel: What is your MBTI type?ENFP, to like literally no one’s surprise.

Magik: What is your star sign?Leo, also to literally no one’s surprise.

Gambit: When is your birthday?July 26

Shadowcat: Have you any pets?No, I wish. I used to have a golden called Tana, another one called Aslan, a rabbit called Puzzle, and a cockatiel called Little Dog.

Groot: What is your favourite flower?Camellias, any color. Pale green orchids.

Rocket: What languages do you speak?English and Mandarin. And phrases of Taiwanese.

Star-Lord: What is your Harry Potter house?Slytherin

Draxx: Who do you love most in the world?I refuse to say in the interest of not disclosing who people should kidnap if they ever wanted to compromise me. The people who know me probably already know who I love most tho.

Gamora: What is your worst memory?I have a lot of bad memories. I don’t know which one was the worst. It was all a long time ago so it doesn’t feel as bad anymore.

Medusa: What colour/length/style is your hair?Dark brown, mid-back, uh. Choppy waves?

Black Bolt: What is your accent like?Standard Southern Californian

Ghost Rider: What is the worst thing that you have ever done?I have the right to remain silent, anything I say can and will be used against me in a court of law.

Deadpool: Post a picture of yourself.

[iokoye]

(1/4) I was ashamed when my first reaction to learning Jmo was leaving was relief. Not because I wanted her gone but relief that she would move on and therefore I would be free from this fandom. It's been so miserable and isolating for me as a SQ shipper to love Jmo & Emma. Finding a blog that is kind to the actress and character has not been common and even then, those blogs still show an obvious preference for Lana & Regina.

more under the cut cause it’s quite long

2/4) I love Lana & Regina, I adore them. But my initial draw to the show and relationship (and subsequently Tumblr) was Jennifer Morrison and the strong, beautiful character she played. I feel in love with her and then I fell in love with the relationship I saw forming. And while I initially found peace and hope in this fandom and a sense of self awareness in terms of my self and my sexuality, it has become a draining, wretched place. 

(¾) Do you know how much it hurts to feel isolated from your own fandom? To feel like an outcast for loving someone? To feel mocked and belittled and put down for finding inspiration in a character and an actress? How hard it is for the most popular bloggers to be the most vocally against them? And while there are bloggers like yourself who occasionally speak out against such behavior, you seem to be silent when it matters most.

(4/4) And the people who claim to be against such behavior, still follow and interact and even maintain friendships with the most hateful users. And just when I thought I was free to enjoy my ship from a distance, when I thought ‘surely they must be done. Jmo is gone and there’s nothing left to discuss.’ I find I can’t even safely return to what I love because people are as hateful as ever. I’m sorry I unloaded all of this on you but it’s something I’ve held in for a while and it’s been killing.

okay so.. i’m gonna try to reply to this in the most unbiased and non hateful way possible. 

i can relate to most things you say. before i joined the ouat fandom i was already in love with regina (not knowing that she was an asshole asjfasf) because i had seen gifs of her BUT right when i saw jen’s character i fell in love with her. i related to her character on a spiritual level and to this day it really bothers me whenever people hate on her (and still ship sq). i appreciate emma’s development, i.e. not being as closed off as she was on s1, s2 and EVEN s3, i feel like it’s beautiful and like i said because i see myself in her it’s inspiring to see someone grow this much. i’m proud of her and i love her.i can even admit that i was a jen stan like a year ago lmao, she seemed like a sweetheart and i just loved her, plus it helped that she played one of my favorite characters on ouat. 

i never really… acknowledged that i had this “ignorance is bliss” mentality but i slowly realized (and by myself) that jen wasn’t like emma at all and some stuff came up that i dind’t really like. actors are different from their characters and most people that love emma on the sq fandom separate jen from emma so that they can still enjoy the character. i’m being 100% serious when i say that i love regina and emma equally, they are part of a ship that helped me grow and get educated; finding my sexuality and my community but jennifer has never done that for me. lana? maybe. she voices her support for people like me ANY chance she gets (like she said, actors have a platform that they can use to speak up and “to help people that can’t necessarily be themselves”. this was her response to a question that was actually about me not being out to my family or anyone in real life) and i’ll admit that if it wasn’t for her i would’ve left the ouat fandom a LOOOOONG time ago, maybe how i feel about lana is how you feel about jen and i’m in no way invalidating that.

i know that the ouat fandom is gross and it’s honestly bad for your health and stuff like that. i was in a really bad place a year ago, i had zero self respect and on that year i realized that sq was never going to happen and it broke me. i started watching this show at the end of 2013 and started shipping sq on like… the show hiatus of 2014 and i never lost hope for sq. NEVER. but this fandom can bring you down all the time lmao like.. it is TRULY the WORST fandom that i’ve ever been in. the loudest voices that are considered the mouth piece for each fandom are horrible; most anti shippers on twitter are horrible and even some fans can act like misogynistic/homophobic goobs most of the time; racism - people acting like they’re racist so they can be edgy; people that ship real life people together asfjafs - i realize that it CAN be extremely draining which is why i stepped away from the fandom in the first place.

ok so… now this is the hardest topic and i’m not sure if you’re going to like what i’m going to say but know that this isn’t a personal attack on you. this is MY opinion and i’m going to describe what i’ve seen people say on social media (i am in no way speaking FOR anyone else). you genuinely seem like a good person and i’m honored that you came to me with this “rant”. i’m glad you let it out and if you need to talk some more know that i’m here. some shippers that i’ve encountered don’t like jen for specific reasons (i.e. not being vocal about her support of the lgbt+ community and other minorities for example) and no it’s not about whether or not she is up sqs ass, that doesn’t matter at least not for the issue at hand. in my opinion, some of the stuff she has done is morally unacceptable and again i’m not talking about ships (i’m not going to get into it cause i don’t want to cause drama but i have my own reasons to not like jen). i’m not going to share someone elses story because it’s not my place but if you set “ignorance is bliss” aside and try to learn why people don’t identify with jen as much then you’ll understand. i don’t know why you would be mocked for liking jen unless you defend her blindly 24/7. i have friends that are jen stans that say “hey, i understand. you’re right and your feelings are valid” and they don’t even ship sq lmao. so there’s a difference between knowing that said actor is not really a pure innocent angel and choosing to not hear other peoples opinions just because you love jen and only what you think of her matters. also, this isn’t a callout for any mutual of mine, in fact i can’t even think of anyone that i follow that does this. 

the times that i speak up against jen hate are when people target her for her looks and how “dead” her character is on the later seasons (not to mention how i cannot stand emma hate. i’m not an emma apologist but shipping sq and hating emma is shocking to me lmao). if you have anything to say about her then do so with actual arguments instead of saying how ugly she is and being vocal about it 24/7 using derogatory names for women, such as bitch and cunt. i don’t know what you mean by “you seem to be silent when it matters most” so if you could clarify i’d really appreciate it!i realize that it’s somewhat hard to acknowledge that your idol isn’t that great (unless it’s someone like depp in that case fuck you), i know that you’re lgbt+ so i’m not going to police your feelings towards her cause that’s nasty, i would never do such a thing but literally no celebrity is perfect. they make mistakes, some more than others and sometimes they’re not as vocal about social issues as they should be, which is weird to many people. everyone has their own reasons to like and to not like jen but at the end of the day what matters is what you think of her and if you don’t say that people should feel the same way, remember that not everyone sees her the way you do! some even have bad real life encounters and experiences with her and while i realize some of the hate she gets is just extra and pathetic, some of it makes sense and it’s perfectly understandable for people to be disappointed in the way she behaves.

if you think any type of hate is going to stop just because jennifer left you’re wrong lmao this fandom is always going to find something to fight over!! there’s ALWAYS drama 24/7 nonstop. i don’t want to tell you to stop loving jen. i never did something like that and i’m definitely not going to start now. hate her or love her it doesn’t matter. if you find solace in who she is as a person (and her character) then that’s fine, just remember that some people dislike her for valid reasons and it’s not just fandom drama.hit me up on and off anon if you need to talk some more! i’m sorry that you feel this way and i wish that i could do something about it but there really isn’t :/ have a good day

[kennedydevin-blog]

OOC WEEK: DAY THREE

RAPID FIRE:

Tea or coffee? Tea. I get this really great tea from this place in the farmer’s market here. I currently have an iced lemon cake & a Hawaiian Sunset tea. They’re amazing. 

Stars or planets? Planets. I’m a planets person! 

Sun or moon? Moon. I love the moon with all my being. 

Black or white? Black. I look much better in black than white. Plus my cat is black, so that cat furr totally 

The zoo or the aquarium? Animals living free away from human interference. Neither, to be honest. I love animals too much to put them in captivity like that. 

Drama or comedy? A difficult decision, but drama wins by just a hair. Mostly because a lot of what I watch has drama in the title. I watch more crime drama than anything else. 

Thriller or adventure? Adventure. 

Short walks to the fridge or long walks on the beach? I love to walk, but like... not really on the beach. 

Indoors or outdoors? Although it depends on the day, to be honest. I love being outside. 

Animals or plants? I cannot keep plants alive to save my life, but it’s always been a dream to have an apartment with white walls, & plants hanging on every nook and cranny in the place. 

Time alone or time with others? I love being alone. I mean... as long as my cat is with me.

Introvert or extrovert? I think the above question answers why I’m an introvert.

Silence or music? Both, really. There are times when I just like to listen to the sounds of the house. But there are also times where I love listening to music. 

Darkness or light? Except when I’m trying to write or read. 

Cats or dogs? I know I have a dog, buttttttt.... my cat is the love of my life. If she were an actual person, I’d marry her. 

Dancing or being the wallflower? Although it depends on the people I’m with, because I will dance if I’m with certain people. 

Right or left? I write with my left hand, so I guess left. 

Werewolves or vampires? Both are good. I have started to have an appreciation for vampires because of the Lore podcast. The first episode was about vampires, but there have been several on people that transform which are ALWAYS fascinating. Literally this podcast is my life. Check this podcast out, you won’t be sorry. My favorite is this episode about lighthouses.

Dressing stylishly or dressing comfortably? I say as I’m sitting here... in my Grace Potter shirt, my Hamilton sweatshirt, sweatpants, & neon socks.

Sunrise or sunset? I think the sunset colors are prettier.

Lead or follow? Yikes, depends on the situation, but most of the time, leader. 

Optimist or pessimist? There’s no doubt about that.

Staying up late or waking up early? I say... as I go to bed before midnight every night except Thursday.

Speaking up or staying silent? I’ll often get into fights for just saying what I feel in a situation, especially if something is disgusting. 

White lies or brutal honesty? I mean... I’m a compulsive liar, but... I normally tell the truth to people... most of the time. Depends on the human.

Ask for permission before doing the stupid thing or ask for forgiveness after doing the stupid thing? Kind of neither. I don’t really do anything that others would consider stupid. 

LONG FORM:

Pet peeves: human existence. I mean, I don’t get annoyed by people often, unless they are just being assholes. Like for instance the people that ask “how can you be vegan & pro-choice” LISTEN ASSHOLE, you’re asking for a fight. Other than people asking questions that are obviously just looking to pick my thoughts and opinions on stuff apart, I am super not annoyed by people. 

Bad habits: I pick at my cuticles, so a lot of the time my fingers start to bleed.

Favourite scents (your amortentia!): Burning wood, Sunkist ( like oranges are good, but sunkist smells amazing ), my cat, lemons. A few of my favorite  scents. I also like lavender, mint, & rosemary. 

Favourite animal: Cats, but don’t tell my dog. I have a lot of favorite animals, but cats are so adorable. 

Favourite colour: Green is my favorite color. 

Favourite place to go (local or otherwise) (photos get bonus points): Honestly, I don’t have any local places that I go because the area I live in is sort of... boring. In New York, there’s this comic book shop I always go to. So probably that’s one of my favorite places. I’ll post some pictures at the bottom.

Favourite meme: ??? I’m not up to date on all the memes, so I don’t really have a favorite. 

Do you have any creative or artistic abilities? Yes, I do! Besides writing, I do watercolors. I can’t draw as well, but I love watercolors. Also, sometimes I knit & I’m learning to make my own soaps because a lot of homemade soaps aren’t vegan??? 

Talk about something that made you happy today, yesterday, this week: It snowed over the weekend! We were supposed to get 7 inches, though it turned out to only be about 4 or 5, but it snowed. I live in North Carolina, so snow doesn’t always happen every year, or not a big snow at least. I just love winter weather so much. 

Talk about an experience that made you feel proud or confident: To be honest, I don’t really know what to put here. I’m not a very prideful person or confident for that matter. 

Talk about something/someone that makes you feel relaxed: Dungeons & Dragons is the only thing that really relaxes me. I have two characters. One of them, Nico Thornbrush, is a halfling ( basically they’re hobbits, but they’re only 3 feet. ) fighter, that recently started to become a paladin -- or holy warrior. He’s only 20 years old, barely old enough to leave home, but he’s just so good... just such a cinnamon roll. But he’s dumb & doesn’t reallly believe in death. My other character though... is a whisper gnome named Ludovic Silvermist -- he goes by Ludo -- ( because I wasn’t allowed to name him Ronald without getting judged ). He’s a trickery cleric, that isn’t very devout to his goddess -- he kind of hates her. He’s all about them lies & deception to get him ahead. He used to be an orphan until a priest took him in. He has a rat named Scabbers that he occasionally talks to because it’s his best friend.

Talk about something you’re yet to try for the first time but want to: Skydiving. 

Who are your role models & why: Okay, so I have a lot of role models. But I’m just going to put a few here, since I don’t want to write novels. 

Matthew Mercer - Matthew is such a great person. I could probably go on & on about the things he’s done that have really inspired me & made me think he’s such a great person, but it would be a novel. If you have played more than one video game, chances are that Matt was a voice in it. He’s got over 300 IMDB credits. Seriously... & his fiance Marisha Ray is very involved with getting better working conditions for voice actors. Matt is that over achieving person that you just want to deck in the face, but he’s so sweet you just can’t bring yourself to do so, but he’s also an evil genius, so there’s that. He always reminds everyone to have faith that everything will work out. Even if it’s about his game, it still translates into real life. He’s created so much & done such a good job at inspiring others to create that I just look up to him for that reason alone.

Practically the entire cast of Critical Role is a role model to me in some way, so I won’t talk about all of them in detail. 

Obama - I think just saying that is enough. His farewell speech was just so amazing & really says everything about why I look up to him. 

Kieron Gillen & Jamie McKelvie - If you don’t read the series The Wicked + The Divine, I highly recommend it because it’s really good. I’ve met Gillen, McKelvie & their colourist Matt Wilson. They’re all really cool people. They’re doing what the love to do, but not only that, they have brought forward political and social issues into a comic series like I’ve never seen anyone do before. I love how these three are doing what they love, while being very aware of what they are creating & how important diversity representation is in media. I mean seriously, read WicDiv. There are themes of sexism and racism. And cultural appropriation v. appreciation is a huge deal as a whole in the comic. Seriously it’s such a diverse comic, I can’t even begin to describe. Not just with sexuality, but gender as well. I look up to them as a reminder that people are capable of change & even our generation can be pressured into thinking things that aren’t true because of media. 

Basically WicDiv is about these pop stars that are actually gods, but instead of living forever, they only have 2 years to live. Then in 90 years, it happens again. Basically, we’ve been told everyone is going to die by the end of the series. Which means my trash son is going  to die :/

Mara Wilson - seriously, just scroll through her twitter. She tells it like it is. I’m so glad Matilda grew up to be such a wonderful adult.

Talk about something you want to do this year: die. Hmm, I’m not sure. One of the biggest things on my list is to try and go to a live Critical Role show, if they have one. I think it would be really awesome to be able to see this show live. I mean... it’s live every week, but they stream from California. Maybe also one of the Night Vale shows. 

Would not recommend going on a Wednesday if you’re ever in NYC. It’s pretty scary with all the people getting all the new comics. 

[habibialkaysani]

okay, let me preface this with a little note about my identity. I am a queer, mentally ill muslim british cis woman of colour. specifically, I was born in britain and my parents both hail from bangladesh. I am not white or black or latinx. so my opinions will - understandably, I hope - be from the perspective I am offering based on the intersecting parts of my identity.

so, let’s start with that. as a nonblack woc, I think it’s pretty patronising to be told that you don’t have to be black to be a person of colour. I know that. I don’t need that explained to me when I am literally not even black to start with. nowhere in my post did I say a mixed race pairing requires a black person. of course it would be interracial if someone was latinx. rene/thea is interracial. so is cisco/caitlin, and amy/jake, and those are just off the top of my head. pairings involving asian people are also interracial - wally/linda, for instance, and lena/jack. and while not latinx myself, I am aware of the issues latinx people face, enough for me to know that of course they are people of colour. I never said that latinx people face the exact same struggles as black people. I know they don’t, although they do overlap at least insofar that they’re groups that deserve far better.

my focus on black people in this post, btw, was partly to address the antiblackness I see in my own racial community. but also, me making the focus on antiblackness in my post does nothing in and of itself to dismiss other poc or, as you’ve suggested, throw other poc under the bus.

and that brings me to my main point. as far as I was aware, for a character to be considered racial representation and thus a person of colour onscreen, I thought the person portraying that character had to be, at the very, very least, a person of colour also and preferably also at least the same race as the character purports to be.

let me put this another way. as a desi woman, I would not have considered jack spheer to be desi if he was portrayed by a white actor who’s a bit tanned, calls himself bengali onscreen and calls his mother “amma” and, idk, eats rice and curry every day, and thus I would not consider him bengali representation because he was whitewashed. I was under the impression that a similar logic could be applied here, because, yes, maggie calls herself nonwhite and andrew kreisberg called her latina and she spoke spanish to her father, but floriana lima is still white. if you personally feel like whitewashed representation counts as representation, fine. but to me, sanvers is just another white wlw ship that the racist white non straight fandom flocked to because god forbid they give an interracial ship, irrespective of genders, a chance. I listed it because I was trying to make that very point - and, absolutely, if maggie were portrayed by an actual latinx actress, I would never suggest that sanvers is the same representation wise as clexa, wayhaught, cophine, avalance, etc., because there would be a person of colour who could potentially make the pairing important and groundbreaking and different. but she’s not. floriana is white. chyler is white.

now, I don’t know a lot of latinx people on here, so I’m not sure what the general consensus is on this. but I have seen latinx people speak out against maggie being whitewashed. at the same time, I fully acknowledge that I am not latinx myself, so if you think that representation that is so watered down and in your own words flawed is still adequate, fine. but put simply, me slighting maggie sawyer or sanvers with regards to racial representation isn’t me slighting latinx people at all. because maggie, to me, at least, and to a fair few others, isn’t truly latinx when she is portrayed by a tanned white actress. just like an ~exotic-looking white woman does not desi representation make. *coughamyjacksoncough*

I feel like poc should be in solidarity with each other. and if I said anything against samantha arias, rosa diaz, amy santiago, cisco ramon, rene ramirez or any of the other latinx characters on tv who are genuinely portrayed by actual latinxs, I do apologise. but in this instance, I can’t in good conscience consider maggie a woman of colour when the actress portraying her is white and she is clearly whitewashed, and therefore, I don’t see sanvers as a truly interracial relationship when they clearly are not in reality.

fandom racism is a huge problem, I agree. but you pointing this out doesn’t help. in this instance, I’m pretty sure it was supergirl and floriana lima who whitewashed a character who was meant to be a woc, not the fandom. the fandom whitewashing actual poc played by poc is what you should be calling out - zari tomaz, for instance, is often whitewashed in edits, and people assume sameen shaw is white even though she’s persian. people lauding chyler leigh and caity lotz, two straight white women, for being lgbt ~allies when maisie richardson sellers and keiynan lonsdale, two non-straight black people, are right there being as straight and white as a rainbow, is fandom racism. the 100 fandom practically starting a riot over a fridged white lesbian who wore brownface and a bindi and then staying radio silent or, worse, defending poussey washington’s death is what you call fandom racism.

I get that you mean well, but I did not say anywhere in my post that I felt nonblack poc were in any way less important than black people. me focusing on one race of people in no way diminishes the importance of other (nonwhite) races. if you truly consider maggie sawyer a woman of colour, good for you. I don’t, and I won’t until they decide to recast her with an actual latinx person (which is highly unlikely). so please don’t assume all other poc share your view, and don’t label my behaviour as ignorant or careless. 

- same anon as before, that's understanable. and i'm sorry for the racism that you do get. i'm glad you're able to just ignore it, and that most people respect you. (and for the a*dena,l*xa,s*ra thing) that makes sense. i like them all as characters. but the fandom saying that l*xa is wearing the helm of awe? (not sure if that's what they call it, but it is a bindi, that's just awful. s*ra being shipped with only white women, makes sense. i haven't watched lot for awhile. - p1

p2. but i did hear about the fandom shipping her with “new” character called a*ya? ev*? i’m not sure. and i was a bit confused, if they had like 5 lines together. (if ev*) now that i think about it, she is white right?

yeah, her name is ava, and they’re clearly building up to it and that’s - whatever, but just. five white women and one fleeting poc (leonard) and one woc who isn’t even mentioned by name this season does not diversity make. 

it’s sad that that more subtle racism exists, but what’s sadder is that fandoms on the whole don’t want to admit that it’s a thing and that we’re complicit in that racism. and I say “we” because I’m guilty of it too. I remember when I was watching poi and I was for some reason reluctant to ship carter with reese. just like how I was initially reluctant to ship sara with jax romantically. even tho in both cases the ships had wonderful dynamics. I’m not saying that everyone who brotps them is racist. but this refusal to view black people as love interests for white people is definitely a worrying trend - look at finn in star wars, for example, or even iris west with barry allen and to some extent amaya jiwe with nate heywood. it’s this less blatant racism that most if not the vast majority of us are guilty of to some degree that I think we need to recognise in ourselves and try to do better with. and that doesn’t mean you can’t ship sara with ava, or kara with lena or cat, or, hell, even maggie with alex, but I just think we also have to recognise that that racist bias exists and is a real thing, and, I don’t know, just try to do better by taking a step back and seeing where that racism inherent in all of us is manifesting itself.