#LIKE DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY FRUSTRATION?!
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the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again
#yeehaw#1k#5k#10k#posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours?#also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that!#unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference#edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense#also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags#1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now#he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic#2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign#like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock#3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing#it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is#extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once#it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life#i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about#Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect#if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it#aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week
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I'm sooo frustrated with my dad atm. I'm exhausted in general as previously mentioned but my dad's refusal to solve anything which directly affects me because I depend on him. Like I'm fucking disabled that's the thing and the more I'll stay the same if I'm not given the tools and help and etc I need.
#luly talks#takes a dramatically long drag from my cigar this relationship is driving me to madness this relationship is making me feel unlovable#because i need people i depend on people to exist but he treats me needing help as an annoyance it's very shitty!!!#and this is the main and only face to face relationship i have so OF COURSE it affects me OF COURSE it affects me to know i can rely on my#family for even the most important of things!!!#might have come to this realization thru conversation with a certain Blondie for the record very important stuff#on top of this tho like today i just ate an egg half an onion and like#a quarter of an eggplant. because he ate all the noodles and i am TOO FUCKING TIRED TO COOK#LIKE THAT'S THE THING THE MORE THE ISSUE GOES ON FOR THE WORST IT'LL GET#issue being: my back is in shambles#and like after i ate that bc he said last night there's 4 eggplants left for you tomorrow (!!!) i TOOK HIS WORD#BECAUSE HE SAID THAT#and at 1 pm he calls me because i didnt COOK FOR HIM#LIKE DO YOU UNDERSTAND MY FRUSTRATION?!#I'VE BEEN COOKING ALMOST EVERY DAY NOW AND its going from this fun creative endeavor to a task I'm not even thanked for!!#like im not talking cooking some noodles frying some milanesas I'm talking standing there UP TO A WHOLE HOUR COOKING#and i don't even have a matress i can sleep in that won't double my back pain!!!#I'm soooooo tired i feel sooooooo lonely
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your design of me
#marcia#digital art#illustration#original art#yay its doneeee#oh garret#im sorry its always the same#its always about being a means to an end#and its doesnt matter if its a cold and calculating eye or a warm naive vision#they dont want you for you. they only want what you can do for them#and feeling needed and irreplaceable stopped feeling nice 3 lifetimes ago#all that is left are frustration and anger#dont you get it? dont you get it? the contours of what makes me me are not in the shape of your needs and wants#orion lavont#rosie lavont#garret#tcm#the clockmaster#oc#MARCIA CONTINUING HER MISSION TO SHIT COLOUR MAXIMALIST STYLE!#you know when youre trying something for the first time and youre like uh oh im having a feeling im not excellent at it from the get go#looowkey how im feeling#as you know ive been trying to incorporate more colours into my works#but i am yet to truly understand what im doing#i dont want to stumble into results with adjustment layers anymore#i wish to do things on purpose#I want to be in control! I want to make conscious choices!!!#anyway the purpose of these was to do something new and quirky#something other than faithful rendering#the most challenging part of this pic was probably all the papers. adjusting the perspective and all
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codtwt is going off on brainwashed!soap bc of his new warzone skin and it’s making me think of ghost deliberately getting himself captured by makarov bc he knows he’ll be given to his dog to try and break him; knows he won’t be able to resist the irony, the cruelty of being tortured by the teammate he lost
he doesn’t fight; welcomes the chains around his wrists and ankles, welcomes the hands stripping him of his weapons and gear until he's defenceless
he wouldn't use them anyway
when he stalks into the room, the muzzle, the scars, not even the blank hatred or lack of recognition could make him mistake his eyes
that's his johnny
he doesn't flinch as he digs knives into his skin; would never shy away from his kiss even if it's tinged with rusted steel. doesn't swallow his screams; not when he always loved hearing him, when he spent so long coaxing his voice from the grave
frustration joins the anger in johnny's eyes the longer he goes without giving up information
just jokes; dark and puns alike
just advice when he can't get the jumper cables to spark right
ghost's not trying to escape; not trying to barter his return to the 141
he's right where he wants to be
#ghost letting him be tortured indefinitely if it means being with johnny i am going to eat glass#he doesnt even care if he never gets him back. if the brainwashing is permanent#he still treats him the same. gives him openings to meet a punchline or rib him for something#no matter how long he goes without responding. without giving him any hope of becoming the man he knew#if pain is all he’ll ever get from johnny again he’ll welcome it gratefully with open arms#he got his share of kindness. more than he ever thought he deserved. if pain has to balance it out then so be it#so long as johnny is the one giving it to him#meanwhile soap gets more and more frustrated that he cant break this soldier#that when he becomes more inventive he just meets him with a story about people he doest know but acts like he should#that every day when his master calls him away he leaves with a soft - /loving/ - see you tomorrow johnny echoing in his ears#he doesnt understand#and it just makes him more vicious#but the soldier doesnt care#he still smiles in the face of pain#still calls him johnny#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#soapghost#ghostsoap#ghoap#ghost cod#simon ghost riley#soap cod#john soap mactavish#ghost x soap#save post
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Something which I think is kind of under-discussed regarding the Princess is how lonely she is, esp in contrast to you (the player). From the start of the game, you're never alone. You've got the Narrator - despite how questionable his company is - and the Voice of the Hero, then slowly all of your other voices. She doesn't have that. We see in Princess and the Dragon, every time a new loop starts she's completely alone with only the thought that this is what she deserves. You're the only thing she has.
Shifty asks "Why wouldn't I be kind to you? You're the only thing I know which isn't me." And we see in the game - with some exceptions, like the Witch - the Princess' goal come chapter 2 is always to have your company. Sometimes it's to subjugate you, like the Tower, and sometimes it's for help escaping, but she's almost always seeking your companionship in some way.
But you've got your voices, and the Narrator. You never really needed her, did you? I'm thinking about PATD again, where you can spend the whole chapter bonding with her only to immediately turn on her the second you get your body back ("Good to be back, boys"). In the final cabin at the end of the game, the Heart Princess can mention the whole conflict boils down to whether Shifty (and by extension, the Princess herself) "should" get to exist. If you kill the Heart Princess, you've still got your voices. There's no ending where she lives on alone. I don't think she'd even WANT an ending like that.
She just makes me very sad. You're the only thing she knows, and in some routes you're just. Relentlessly cruel to her.
#slay the princess#stp#kind of what prompted this was thinking about Apotheosis#(she & nightmare have been on my mind lately. Just in part bc im still a bit frustrated with how the fanbase treats them)#and like. If you don't swear fealty to Tower. There's no happy ending for her#(I'd argue even if you do that's not really happy for either of you)#You either kill Fury or she tears herself apart trying to make you understand her#Apotheosis spends her last moments in almost every ending with her either apologizing to you or realizing she was wrong#and in the ending where you almost help her escape she says 'you're the only thing which has ever shown me grace'#the only thing she knows and the only thing which has shown her kindness#you tried to kill her at the start but in the end you helped her reach her goal#i don't know. Rotating her in my mind.#sorry if this is a mess my brain is pudding right now
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Wearing your boyfriend's jacket
#for the anon asking who would wear it#any one of my characters WOULD wear it#its just a matter of how...#you dont understand my passion for fashion and what this means ok#it means an article of clothing is not about the clothing at all#its about how it fits and what it goes with and how you choose to wear it#a shirt is not just a shirt its a part of a whole...#I'm so passionate about this... it doesnt really show in my comics but thats mostly cause. there is only so much time I can devote to thing#anyways#adam is able to make anything look good#and steve is able to make anything seem like hes owned it for 10 years#they can both wear anything but in extremely different ways...#anyways this was a nice little break#its been hard HAHAHAHHA not gonna lie having an extremely rough time#I so so so do not want to return working for webtoon#I need you to know I am ONLY doing this for my readers#because I could use more time. I could use forever away from webtoon#but. I want to see the comic through! and so I will.#I'm so tired of them...#and also still frustrated by people being like 'is this ever coming back' and all that#but its fine. its coming back I'm working on it...#and its good.. its gonna be so good......#time and time again#ttawebcomic#adam and steve#sketch#I JUST REALIZED I SAID ANON...#I MEANT ASK#my brain just calls all asks anon
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Normally, I wouldn't really say anything about the drama and stuff, because that's not what I'm here for and honestly I feel like a lot of it is just none of my business. But, it just feels so close to home for me that I can't help but say something. Because here's the thing people aren't going to talk about and probably don't even realize, but I think so much of this drama actually has to do with Dream being autistic.
Just notice the themes of what Tubbo said about Dream being weird, inappropriate, not considering the social boundaries, not communicating, coming across wrong… etc these are all things that can be attributed to Dream literally not knowing better because of neurodivergence. That’s not an excuse but an explanation to know the difference between Dream texting Tommy’s mom out of being manipulative versus not understanding how that breaks a social boundary. That’s not to say Dream should get a free pass to do whatever but I think in the same way we take into consideration other people’s ages and their naivety and obliviousness and inexperience into consideration, Dream’s neurodivergence should be considered too. It is valid. It makes a difference between manipulative and malicious intent versus simply not seeing it the same way.
And really the sad thing is, that I think people will always dislike Dream. At the end of the day, I think that will never change, because even if he was the most perfect person people would still dislike him because of an underlying subconscious response to him not being like the rest. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that he is made the villain in real life and in the dsmp, because it is simply a psychological fact that people inherently dislike autistic people. It’s not because they are ableist it’s just we don’t act like they do so that makes us weird and therefore unlikeable. And it’s hard to understand us because our brains our literally different and as has been said throughout history what we don’t understand we hate, we fear, we see as evil, we attack. Why does Dream get canceled and attacked over and over again? Not because they are true and it proves a pattern that he’s shitty, but because society is so desperate to find a more tangible reason to hate him other than the fact that they just do. Because his behavior breaks social rules he didn’t realize existed. Because he’s easy pickings. Because in my opinion it all comes down to autism and honestly until that piece is actually taken into consideration nothing will probably resolve.
#agh it’s so frustrating to watch something play out when you know exactly why because it’s played out in your own life#when you see people say things and yet not understand what eachother are saying#agdjnsgjfnwhd…it just… oh as an autistic person who has masked so well I have in many ways become the bridge between neurodivergent and#neurotypical it is infuriating to see this all unfolding for years and not being about to do anything to highlight what’s happening#dream#dreamblr#dreamwastaken#also like with politics - like you don’t get it but in the US south you can’t just hate everyone who votes a certain way or whatever because#you’d be hating your whole family your friends your boss your coworkers like it’s easy in Britain to have you high horse but that’s just not#how it is here… I can’t afford to just hate everyone it’s just not that simple#and when it comes to his sexuality. is it so unfair of him to just not know. like not want to say he’s straight or gay because he doesn’t#know… should we be allowed to figure things out…#….. I should go to bed I just I wanted to say something because tubbo making comments like - it’s not that black and white and stuff to an#autistic person had be slamming my head because yea it seems that way to us by default#probably delete this tomorrow… I don’t know… good night peeps
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Have some Ted doodles- as a treat.
#was counting up all the times I’ve drawn my little guys and Ted is now at around 71#highest of the hatchetfield characters for sure#he’s just fun to draw#I get it Tinky#I understand your obsession#did these while listening to exam review#rip long hair Ted#never gonna stop thinking of you#yall ive got so many WIPs it’s crazy#after exams are over I’m not going to stop drawing#anyways how’re you#hope you’re doing well#all good things i hope#I don’t feel like going and grabbing my fact book so today you get one off the top of my head#fun fact: contrary to popular belief- tomatoes are not fruits; they are a category of vegetable called fruit vegetable#there is a heart scene in Stardew Valley with Demetrius and Robin in which Demetrius asks you if a tomato is a fruit or vegetable and#if you say vegetable he gets all huffy#this frustrates me because he says ‘oh you are a farmer you should know’ and DUDE I DO KNOW#ITS YOU WHO DOESNT KNOW#Anyways yeah#this has been the fun fact corner ft. me ranting about tomatoes#ted spankoffski#tinky npmd#tinky#tnoy karaxis#theodore spankoffski#tgwdlm#hatchetfield#Starkid#Joey richter
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I'm glad totk has no connection to the previous ganon (oot-onwards) because it would totally ruin him as a character.
Honestly I consider totk ganondorf separate even from botw, because I do love the idea of botw ganon being a completely self-dehumanized, seething, eldritch representation of this ageless grudge no one has any context for anymore, so he might as well be understood as a natural disaster or a vicious plague. I find this incredibly juicy!! Buuuut to me it only works within the context of a dozen other games building the ground up for this goopy, demonic, hateful incarnation with too many limbs and far too many angry eyes.
If you decide to connect BotW Ganon to TotK Ganondorf however.... like. I'm sorry, but. Sir, you are not this angry. You have zero reason to be anywhere near this level of rancor. You haven't even been stabbed, ever!!!! You never had your wish ripped out from under you!!!! You have never been forced to rot away in the void while fully aware of every agonizing second for centuries, not even a single time!!!! Rauru merely grounded you so you'd have your little power nap (:>), and then you woke up with renewed energy to topple down the other kid's sand castle just because it's fun to watch him cry. And honestly TotK Ganondorf does kind of feel like a toddler, gleeful to discover his own capacity for destruction for the first time. Which. I guess that could have been, something? I don't know, to me it's still pretty stupid and inconsistent honestly. But either way, that is not Dislocated Screeching Essence of a Mad Pig material.
TotK Ganondorf has no grudge, and as far as we know (which is insane!!!! this guy's core characterization is envy, yet he doesn't have this corrosive toxic energy at all in totk!!! he's far too happy to be here and break stuff just because, and like sir you are a grown man you've been a king for decades what are you so giddy aboutttt), the worse he had to suffer through in totk, as far as the game tells us, was a temporary humiliation. Which could absolutely be motivating for sure, but it feels very human and political and measured. Not "I will shred my own skin and forget my own name and suffer death a thousand times over just to show you all the depths of my hate" levels of fury. Again, to remove our familiarity to the character as players cheapens decades of buildup, and!!!!!!! anyway. Anyway.
anyway.
#asks#ganondorf#totk ganondorf#totk critical#when will my brain return from the imprisoning war...#thanks for the ask!!#yeah I had never like. taken in just how deeply un-ganondorf this ganondorf is.#his actions clumsily follow the blueprint but we see zero reasons to understand why he would even Want hyrule#we have enough to speculate on why he would want to backhand Rauru and teach him a lesson#by being like “bitch you though you were a god yet watch what happens when I take your wife's little jewlery oh nooooo”#that I follow#but that's just standing your ground very firmly#that's not “oughhhhh I wanttttttt this thingggggg I want it sssssooo muchhhhhh” it's not the same energy at all!!!!#totk ganondorf doesn't even seethe.... he doesn't even Yearn....#like his gerudo kingdom looks good! it looks mighty fine!!! why do you want this other new little guy instead of crushing it to dust#and therefore establish that Your kingdom is so much cooler and better and stronger and more hardcore#incomprehensible giddy toddler reddit trolll meme man.......... dressed like an ancient warlord and fighting with perfect form........#this iteration is such a mess like Pick One Characterization!!!!!!!! aaa#sorry I got totk frustration fever again
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EXTREMELY REAL MOMENT FROM HIRANO HERE
#'people actually want to kiss the ppl they like?? i thought they made that up??? um. ok now how much of a freak does that make me'#what if they made a character so aroacespec. im not joking this chapter (25) alone is such proof in my mind#im sure plenty of ppl read this and went 'wow the extent of his denseness or whatever is genuinely frustrating' but i have literally done#this many times. i am shaking hands with him emphatically he's literally me i love him. if you've never googled if smth you've heard about#your whole life is actually normal (followed up by 'is it wrong to. Not??') you simply will never understand him like i do#his combo of being super intentionally thoughtful and also never considering things like this are just peak. what a guy#cannot stress enough that this is just about the concept of ppl wanting to kiss each other at all. 25 chapters in#look sometimes you gotta sit down and try to solve a sexuality crisis via increasingly desperate google searches about normalcy. anyway#hirano to kagiura#hirano taiga#sitting around a table w your friends talking about their love lives and going wait they didn't make that up for movies?? also been there#took kagiura's 'i want to marry him i'm in love w him but i haven't even thought about kissing him until now oh god' thing to the next leve#he is SO lost. somebody help him
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"i dont like animated movies" okay but why. like i genuinely would like to know WHY. and id like to hear literally any other reason besides "animation is for kids" or "its childish"
#like i actually do not understand this mindset#animation can be whatever the fuck you want it to be!!!#theres SO MUCH you can do with animated projects!#i want more action movies that are animated! i want more deep stories that are animated!!!#i want adult animated series and movies that are made with love and that are made by people who love animation!#take the spiderverse movies for example#those movies are absolutely BEAUTIFUL to watch#and theyre GREAT MOVIES! NOT JUST VISUALLY!!!!#but all of my family refuses to watch it and the only reason they will give me is “because its animated. i dont want to watch a cartoon”#ITS SO FRUSTRATING#like im sorry but would you call arcane for example a cartoon? would you call that a kids story? would you call it childish????#i genuinely dont understand people like this#stiff talk
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oo u want 2 draw soo bad..

#i hate that my ability to draw is so conditional#its soo frustrating but i dont know how to break it. this has been the one thing thats never changed.ill never be free#times like rn i just do studies but its soo fking BORINGGG euuhh...#but if i try 2 draw something for funsies i just stare at the blank canvas. literally immobile. & u know how people r like just draw#something anyways. a line. something. and its like no i cant do that oi cant even do that u underestimate my freak#i want 2attack myself from the pov of someone else#i think im having the realization tht i will never be able to do art stuff frls and its driving me crazy i think.#like im actually sick and unwell frm the thought of it.my friend commissioned me and im ab 2 send the money back#after two weeks bc i cant do it im literally frozen dude.i want 2 cry and die and explode into a million pieces#wait im back to add more.idk if anyone feels the same way but its like. i know its entirely a Me issue its a mental block issue#theres something thats not connecting in my head but its like.why is it so easy for everyone else ykwim...and thats a lie too right#like everyone else struggles w art and its not.it cant exist Without you struggling and practicing hard and trusting yourself#but in my brain im just convinced that like.i cant do this i cant do this like everyone else can do it like second nature and it freaks me#tf out#but also its the one thing i want to do more than anything else in my life and so like if i cant do it i dont know what to do.ughh.#not me freaking the fuck out rn lawl.lols.even#and on top of it i feel like i cant express myself well and i think my friend. < SOOO awesome and well meaning and NICE and legitimately#pushing me to try and believe that i can do this stuff but i feel like they wont understand the sort of like.mental block im struggling wit#like its less that i hate my art or something i dont its more like.i just feel soo physically restrained and incapable of doing it.suddenly#i cant think and i cant do anything.i have no creativity i have no ideas my mind is quite literally blank and empty
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if stranger things 5 comes out and they're like 'omg! the upside down has been a product of someone's dark and twisted mind this whole time! it's... WILL!' I'll immediately lose interest
#manifestation theory#I really hope not#like I don't. hate will. he's fine. but he's so easily likable that it doesn't feel rewarding to like him?#mike wheeler's been a menace this whole time so I had to put in work to figure him out#and they literally said 'getting to mike is the key' which would make sense if by understanding mike you understand everything#in the show where no one knows what's going on and also no one knows what mike wheeler is thinking ever. unrelated ofc#he isn't important look away. don't look at him#like why would they! make him the bad guy! if they're not going to MAKE HIM THE BAD GUY!!!!!#I'd say it makes too much sense not to do it but I'm always saying that and then these stupid shows do stupid things anyway#because. listen. if one of them is the heart and one of them has to die for the upside down to be permanently defeated#and that person is will#there's no conflict there. everyone loves will. because he's designed to be likable and for you to want him alive#but MIKE? mike's flawed. he's frustrating. he's a bad friend and a worse boyfriend. he's very obnoxiously a teenage boy#if it's mike the audience would need to be reminded that this is a Child‚ and no matter how much you personally dislike them#wanting children to die because you think they're useless and annoying and etc. IS NOT NORMAL#THAT'S NOT NORMAL! ESPECIALLY WHEN MIKE ALREADY THINKS THAT ABOUT HIMSELF!#mike being the heart gives the 'maybe we should just kill him' side of the trolley problem weight#think about it. really think about it. if they decide that mike has to die to keep everyone safe‚ what's going to happen?#the adults won't agree. hopper won't do it. he talked about killing mike before but he won't ACTUALLY let any of these kids die#maybe mike jumps off a cliff again but he needed the pressure of dustin's immediate safety and a countdown to make himself do it last time#what I think is more likely? nancy. she has guns in her bedroom (there's a 6 year old in the house I know where I keep my guns; her SISTER)#she hates the upside down for taking barb and making her feel like this; she wants to finish what they started - she wants to kill it.#if mike has to die‚ then nancy has to kill her own brother. because he can't do it himself and his big sister can do anything#does that sound right to you? this being the first time they agree and connect and are on the same page? is any of this right?
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girl the confession compulsions
#this time about something really really scary to me bc I'm afraid that I'm like. evil sjskfnskgsn#I do have the little voices of my parents in my head being reasonable but it doesn't help the part of me that screams#''BUT THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!'' sksksksksksjfs#earlier this week (same spiral) just giving it time helped but man. it's frustrating#have you ever wanted to disappear
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Not me adding annotations to a book to make it more accessible for my mom when she will read it
#i am once again complaining about italian translators not adding enough context and explainations in queer non fiction books#90% of non queer people or people who do not speak english don't have enough fucking context to get certain things#i need tranlators to add the necessary context to make these books accessible for everyone#olay surely mainly queer people will read a book about going outside the binary but if we want more people to understand us#we need to add the necessary context to make these things comprehensible to everyone#both those who do not have a queer background and therefore have never see certain words and those who do not speak any english#why the fuck are we assuminng everyone reading this knows english and the linguistic and cultural context between certain words#most people i know do not know one word on english and since it's an italian translation you should make it completly accessible for anyone#i don't want people to read this with their phone in their hands to look for meaninga here and there#i have had this complaint before and i will keep complaining#it's frustrating because this book makes the concept of going outside the binary very easy and accessible and the translation is not as good#also the translation of this particular chapter did a terrible job language wise too so i can't expect much#the concept is there but oh boy do a few sentences look like they have been translated with google#so yep i resorted to making my own notes because i want my mom to read this and understand it without here needing to ask me for context#i mean i want conversations to start but not because of translation reasons if you know what i mean#and it would be very unmotivating to read a book that has too many words you don't know bc the translator took things for grated#cris speaks#i am done complaining for now#the og book is super good tho i am happy i am reading it again after so many years#the---hermit
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