#LIFE REACTION LETS GO
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#lan wangji#a-yuan.#wei wuxian#Yes I am skipping over LWJ's panic at WWX joking about giving birth to A-Yuan. It's funny bit but there are many more to come!#The last time these two sat down together the tensions were so high. The peace is nothing more than a layer of cold fat on the surface.#It's not 'really' them coming to see eye to eye. It's them not having the energy to say what they really want anymore.#LWJ is very defined by his jealousy and the conflict it creates with his need to put his feelings aside for the perceived greater good.#To live a life where you are always second and never ever allowing yourself to be first...#If other people can be at peace and happy - it has to be worth it right?#If he orders a plate of food that he will struggle to eat but is the favourite thing of the person sitting across from him#Is it not worth the sacrifice?#But remember! You can't take anything for yourself ever. No matter how much you want it.#He did it once before and he regrets it so much. So all he can do is accommodate.#And WWX? Well. You can't let anyone in if there isn't enough water to splash around in.#Keep things shallow and they just move on. Even if you'll miss them when they go - this is just how things are now.#No more teasing and trying to pull a reaction from LWJ anymore. You'll never be more than someone he can't stand so what's the point.
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OOOOOO CAN I ASK HOW WOULD THE N2 SQUAD REACT TO EACH OF THEM DYING?
What have you unleashed?
(WARNING: Angst, allusions to death, all that fun stuff. Nothing graphic tho, don't worry)
Jamil
He shouldn’t be surprised.
Well… He isn't surprised. Jamil Viper doesn't get nice things. Not for more than a few months, anyway.
Every once in a while, life takes pity on him and throws some nice, agreeable news his way. Just enough so that he lets his guard down. Just enough so that he allows himself to think maybe things will get better. Just enough so that he can pretend he isn't chained to a fate he will never escape.
A letter to NRC, a plan that goes a little too well, a couple of upperclassmen who seem to genuinely love him for who he is and not who he pretends to be.
So of course it doesn't last. Life gives and life takes.
Kalim follows, Octavinelle gets involved, Leona and Vil-
Well…
He isn't surprised.
Jamil Viper doesn't get nice things.
Vil
They look at him like they expect something from him. Horror, anger, ugly tears maybe. Just a reaction. Anything. Anything at all.
Vil doesn't give them that. Doesn't give them an opportunity to pity him. Doesn't give them food for gossip. Doesn't give them any material to make this topic last for any longer than it has to.
He knows how it works. Someone snaps a pic of him at his lowest, someone records his voice breaking during an interview, someone catches his lips tremble for but a second, and everybody will start talking about it again. And again. And again. For as long as there is a reaction from him. For as long as the topic attracts views.
Suffering brings more views than success.
So Vil doesn't react. Doesn't say a thing. Doesn't acknowledge the topic.
Better to be a cold asshole for a few weeks than to hear about it for years.
And in the darkness of his own room, where there is no camera, no eyes, and no ears to witness his grief-
Vil cries himself to sleep.
Leona
It’s just sand.
Only sand.
For miles and miles, further than the eye can see, nothing but sand.
Ruggie had the clever foresight to send all of Savanaclaw packing when Leona got the news. They would be sand too otherwise.
Who cares.
Who fucking cares.
He could turn the whole world to sand and it wouldn't be enough.
He might as well turn his own heart into sand.
It would hurt less.
#are you a masochist Anon?#or do you want others to suffer lol?#those are short but I think they convey enough#I have a lot of thoughts for Vil's reaction tho#like I imagine Jamil would be defeated and lose all warmth#and I imagine Leona would either go full depression or destructive anger#but VIL-#can you imagine how shitty it must be to have everybody's gaze on you when you're trying to mourn?#how that'd be the only topic you would find online about yourself for weeks?#we all know Vil is obsessed with how he's perceived by others and he'd definitely check his own name just as much as Neige's popularity#so Vil looks up his name and sees those fucking news again and again and again#and it just opens his wounds again and again and again#and his only way out is to pretend he doesn't care#and so he keeps everything to himself#uses his acting talent to pretend he isn't as affected as he is#and only when he is alone does he let himself break down#anyway those all would be long enough into dating that they are serious about each other and that it'd be known that Vil is dating#but not long enough for them to have made their own life with this relationship#just a tease from life#because Jamil is a tragedy and a half and I had to play with that :3#twisted wonderland#n2 squad#leojami#leovil#javil#ask me anything#jamil viper#leona kingscholar#vil schoenheit#twst fic
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fandom sleeping on the most toxic yuri pairing in the entire series simply because they never spoke in canon smh
#They should have interacted given the backstory circumstances and it should have been messyyy#you're telling me that the manipulative revenge plotter goody two shoes never got to interact with the manipulative femme fatale#serial killer that caused a chain reaction that ruined her life?? not even one (1) homoerotic attempt on each other's life??#she even got to kill Junpei that one time and Akane never even found out!#but we cannot have nice things.... in canon! In fanfiction we can! Go read zero win game it's 100% at fault for me even considering this#I made this in under three hours yesterday completely out of nowhere btw I just blacked out and let the gay thoughts consume me#zero escape#zero time dilemma#zero escape spoilers#mira ztd#akane kurashiki#mirakane#blood cw#toxic yuri
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so I watched the most recent episode of succession (oops) and the thought vaguely occured to me "oh dear how are they going to recover from this one?"
and the answer is, of course, that they won't. this is the beginning of the end. this is how they destroy each other.
anyways that's my prediction for the fandom ciao kisses hope u all have a very chill season 4 💋
#succession#succession spoilers#succession 4x03#there's not going to be another season is there?#i feel like succession fans very quite literally could not survive another season#they are being torn about like tissue paper in the wind#...like used tissues in Gerri's pocket i was gonna say but letsbehonest that woman's never publicly used a tissue in her life#anyways what is this. what is this i am experiencing?#is this ENJOYMENT? am i experiencing ENJOYMENT from this highly popular television show?#i did not consent to this!!!!!!#oops accidentally joined a fandom by watching a show and reading the social media reactions and looking up all the inside jokes and#ew i hate it take it back#(but first let me enjoy ASMR Deceased Billionaire Being Crunched On By The Worms)#my favorite thing about this fandom is nobody seems to actually ENJOY being in this fandom#it's just a continuous river of 'this fucking destroyed me' followed by polite thanks to the showrunners#which is impeccable. impeccable energy.
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MARTYN'S EXPRESSION GETS ME. litlerally live slug reaction.
#commentary tags at the bottom ↓ ↓ ↓#martyn littlewood#third life#3rd life#third life smp#bigbstatz#jimmy solidarity#solidaritygaming#trafficshipping#bigb x jimmy#hole husbands#//#if u can't tell. i've been watching martyn's 3l pov. bc i know nothing abt 3l i need to deepdive the lore#btw. what is bigb and jimmy's shipname. i don't know. i'm going to make some up until one of them's right probably#/#solidaritystatz#bigbsolidarity#solidaritatz#biggaming#gamingstatz#///#one of them is close enough probably. anyway#headcanon bigb was SUPPOSED to be the canary. but it ended up being jimmy instead.#something something i love you enough to take this burden from you and you will never even know i saved you. what i saved you from.#that it was never meant to be me but i would never let it be you.#i CANNOT ramble about these horrendously angsty implications under the live slug reaction martyn post. i CAN'T#tldr great shipping potential. sorry for all the bigb ship propaganda it's his fault for being so handsome and shippable#wheres the bigb enthusast mutual. u and me out here doing god's work amen
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I've received a few messages asking for my thoughts about the latest OnK chapters, but I'm sorry guys, to be honest, I'm giving this manga as little thought as possible for the time being 😂
It seems to me that this handful of chapters will best be read as an ensemble. Right now the pacing is all about Aka misleading the readers just to create cliffhangers and shock value (Aqua wants to kill Kamiki! No actually, Ai wants to save him so Aqua won't kill him! Kamiki is evil! No actually, he's just misguided, Nino is evil! ACTUALLY, Nino is just misguided and Kamiki is evil! Aqua may have finally chosen to live! No actually, Aqua is still planning to die!), and personally, I feel like thinking too hard about any of it before Aka gets to the point isn't really worth it.
He will stop his shenanigans and get somewhere eventually, likely (hopefully) by the end of the volume. So in the meantime, I'm going to take it easy and just let the man get there.
#this gif is truly the most accurate to my reaction to every onk chapter nowadays lmao#writing for cliffhangers and shock value rather than organically is one of the biggest flaws of aka's writing#this latest chapter was entertaining sure I'll give him that but at what cost lmao#I'll probably just make a post about this batch of chapters once aka wraps up the call backs to mephisto#so I can discuss all of it in one go#particularly because this last chapter is clearly meant to be the spiritual successor to chapter 150#but let it be known that if in the next few chapters aqua doesn't realize and accept that he wants to live#then everything he has gone through will have been meaningless and a waste of our time as readers#so I'm expecting crowli to intervene and help him out if he chooses to live#probably at the expense of her own life if aka feels like being dramatic lol#fandom: onk
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I still think it’s interesting that Tech seems to agree with Echo that they should be doing more. To some extent, anyway. He’s pragmatic when it comes to making sure the batch has the basics taken care of (like the times he points out that maybe they can’t help on a certain mission because then they can’t do a job and they won’t get paid, which is bad, because they’re broke and still need to eat), but he’s not actually opposed to being more involved.
It’s in little things. They way that Tech is the one besides Echo who voices his moral concerns about the empire right off the bat, that Echo and Tech are the two who have similar (but differently expressed) reactions to the formation of the empire; the look on Tech’s face when Rafa and Trace point out that the batch is trying to get sensitive data without knowing who the buyer is, while they’re trying to get it to someone who’s trying to help; the little knowing look and nod Echo and Tech share before Echo goes to talk to Hunter about how much good they could do using the money they might get from the Serreno heist to fight the Empire. He knows what Echo’s going to try to convince Hunter to do. Even during the argument he has with Echo in “Ruins of War” his position isn’t, “Well, we shouldn’t be helping so it doesn’t matter,” it’s, “Technically we never had the treasure we wanted to use to fight the empire, so we didn’t really lose it—at least we’re not worse off than we started.”
The main difference between them are that Echo has this incredible, undeniable drive to help as many clones as he can, for a lot of reasons, but at least partly because he’s feels a kinship with them that Tech hasn’t quite had the chance to develop (he doesn’t have the same chip on his shoulder as Crosshair starts out with, but there is still a separation there) and has a bit of survivor’s guilt due to what he was used to do on Skako Minor that Tech doesn’t have, because he didn’t go through the same thing; while Tech’s first priority is the batch. He’s often if not always the one getting them out of impossible situations, and I think he knows that. Echo has to help Rex, even if it means leaving his new family for a while; Tech maybe wants to help, but he can’t leave his family while they need him around.
(In fact—sidebar, I could actually see these two having a conversation about both of them going to help Rex at the same time and it going like, “You should come, Tech, they could use your skills,” and Tech going, “And leave Hunter, Wrecker, and Omega on their own? Have you seen them?” and coming to the conclusion that, no, they can’t both leave.)
Anyway I’m not going anywhere with this and it’s really rambly; I just think Echo and Tech are neat and that the only way you could get Tech to go help elsewhere for a bit is if he saw them safe, settled, and being able to get by without him there all the time.
#so anyway if Tech comes back I do think he should go help Rex and Echo for a bit#for many reasons but one#which I want to explore in another post#is that having him around has the potential to bring out a crap ton of development for Echo#and also he’s a bit of a wild card and Rex’s group doesn’t have one#Gregor has a ton of personality and some quirky mannerisms#but when it comes to how does things he’s actually very straightforward#adding Tech to a mix of Rex Echo and Gregor is just bringing some life to the party#ESPECIALLY SINCE having Tech around makes Echo’s logical brain ping off into the middle distance#they are chaotic menaces together and I love it#I still can’t get over how Echo’s reaction to Tech suggesting they get their ship impounded was basically#‘That’s insane. Let’s do it.’
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1.06 / 2.09 (33)
#the way they both cling to their families while in distress#their families are their most cherished people that they somehow can't reach#Hürrem has literally lost them long ago#while Ibrahim has reunited with them and has placed them close to him due to his own love for them and his position in the castle#but it's precisely that same position that distances him from them and *will* distance him from them even *more* down the line#the reactions here also reveal how Hürrem and Ibrahim view death#Hürrem embraces it because she's lost so much already#they always want to separate her from the family she has and the family she's built in some way#and it's like they succeeded here - it has already happened - she's taken from Süleiman the only other person she could latch onto and from#her child she was going to have from SS that would show that she was actually going to keep on that she can't be separated from her family#*this time* not so easily but it's over it's done it seems so let her go to her mother and father at least let her return to them#let her reunite with them that's all she can have after she's already dead#after she's failed and the evil in the palace has seemingly taken over - in her E01 dream it was *they* who made her push forward#in order to commemorate them in the first place; she doesn't mention her sister tho even though she was there in the dream too#and I think that's because at this point Hürrem searches for protection for *help* and her parental figures can provide that to her#more than anyone else; namely they guided her in her dream mainly her mother so she goes first#it all also goes to show how her latching onto SS is a gradual process as she calls him only later#Ibrahim clings to life as embracing death would indeed mean losing absolutely everything completely#*fully* separating from his family he returned to found and reunited with after he wasn't sure about whether it's even possible#and what's more he has both his past and current family in front of him in the present; he can't let that go he *won't* let that go#so he urges his father and Niko not to leave him as in not to let him give up to help him in the fight he thinks he can still win#but he doesn't mention his mother namely because she isn't there in that picture she's fully gone and already symbolizes#a more distant past that wounds Ibrahim too much and he comes to want to evade as this ep is soon after#his scandal with Hatice; no wonder she appears in E44 and urges him to go home thus to go back as he wants to move on so badly#more subconsciously than even the usual#magnificent century#muhteşem yüzyıl#muhtesem yuzyil#hurrem sultan#ibrahim pasha
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man i love open endings. the fact that thanks to yuuji there might indeed be the next time sukuna talks about in case some idiot decides to eat a finger again. and we need fics where yuuji is that idiot
#hiding this in the tags but i think jjk and mha kinda conveyed the same concept#i haven’t mentioned it because sukuita always steals 100% of my attention but gojo’s moment was great too! as i said i think gege stayed#true to his characters till the end and i’ve always thought gojo coming back to life was absolute bs not because i didn’t want him back but#because it would completely ruin what was trying to be told through his story. he carried out the destiny he was doomed to carry out and#gege even specified this for us and /why/ it’s going to be different for yuuji#it can also be found in the way gojo and sukuna fought vs yuuji and sukuna#and it’s rly similar to horikoshi’s concept of the new generation reaching out to the villains and trying to understand them & /that/ is#what ‘the greatest hero’ truly means#ok now i’m digressing because gojo was more about himself and the title he was stuck with but it’s all so similar you know#which brings me to my point (finally)#the fact that the villains always ‘loses’ in the end. and i’m thinking that letting them live would be such a risky direction to take bc#it’s so easy to make it either corny or unrealistic. if the whole thing is about succeeding in reaching out then it’s going to happen at the#very last. and realistically it’s going to be too late. they’re going to be too far gone and it sucks but that’s how it is#shoto can discuss soba with touya but he’s still slowly dying. you know#so the best we can hope for is that the battle the villain fought at least leaves a mark and they sure did#something something the bad guy changing the good guy as much as he changed him#so yeah um maybe i am making sense maybe i am not but i woke up this morning and kinda went insane because it dawned on me that yuuji gave#sukuna another chance to life taking himself out of the equation#UGH. CIGARETTE EMOJI#speaking of which i’ve been (im)patiently waiting for olasketches and cruyuu’s reactions#my fave people on tumblr are genuinely the first people i think about after something good happens#my post
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the x files au where everything is exactly the same except mulder takes home the child neanderthal from the jersey devil episode and raises them as his own
#you could make this super fun and invoke a sense of deep Guilt on behalf of mulder because he feels he got the mom neanderthal killed#and then you can also make it fun in “c'mon sport let's go throw the ball around kind of way”#i imagine him at the library checking out books on early humanoid species and how to parent at the same time#the librarian silently checking the books out and wondering what on earth this man could possibly be needing such resources for#imagine scully's reaction to this. i can't quite place it beyond initial Disbelief and then subsequent trying to be as supportive as she ca#and she would probably be also very Nerdy about the whole thing. because she strikes me as someone well-read on the subject and fascinated#we also know she at least has some experience wrangling children which would be relevant#i imagine a bunch of anthropologists perpetually hovering over the child to study him but they have to be Chill and not disrupt his life#so the kid just grows up thinking they have a ton of really cool and supportive aunts and uncles over all the time#meanwhile they scientists are taking notes furiously as they see if he can adapt to playing a gameboy with the other kids#idk someone probably thought of this idea before but it's funny to me#why would the kid go to him and not someone far more qualified? idk i'm just playing pretend in my brain :)#this thought was prompted by me wondering if you time traveled and brought an early humanoid to the modern era do you think the kid#would still play minecraft? i say yes. probably.#i saw a post about something similar years ago and i wonder about it. i hope you would like cartoons and subway surfers neanderthals.#1x05#fox mulder#the x files#txf
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please. i need alastor with his hair up so we can see the side of his head. second set of ears or smooth flesh prairie?
#hazbin hotel#alastor#hazbin alastor#hazbin hotel alastor#alastor ears#alastor's flesh fields#bc husk has the ears on top as well#but his head is shaped like a cat and he has all the fur so it works#but alastor is mostly human shaped when he wants to be and his face head is distinctly skinful#so.#like imagine he's uncomfortable or embarrassed by it because it's *yet another* physical difference that#invites the taunts and abuse and humiliation he faced in life (and is thus very sensitive about in afterlife)#he already faces being a PREY animal of all things#so. imagine. he always ALWAYS makes sure his hair covers the side of his head. in his twisted victim mind the lack of ears makes him#Wrong and Disgusting and Untouchable and A Monster (and not in the satisfying fearful way he enjoys)#so he pushes it away. doesnt let anyone learn about his ugly disgusting mutation because surely SURELY if they saw it...#he could lose everything he's worked so hard for. because who would fear him? who would respect him? who would bother looking in his#direction? he would just be another lowlife Freak undeserving of love and attention and— well#thats what he would tell himself. but then one day niffty's doing his hair like he sometimes lets her#and he's just enjoying letting her have her fun. kinda spaced out; mostly just enjoyjng the rare sensation of a touch he doesn't despise#it doesnt even register when she pulls his hair up (maybe into lil space buns or smthn idk) that it leaves his empty face on display for all#i can imagine angel being the most outwardly shocked. some loud exclamation that turns everyones attention to alastor and his earless face#just. everyone staring at him. and he realises. and he hates himself for slipping like that and oh no theyre going to hate him and tell—#— everyone and he will lose all that hes been working towards with the hotel and he is just. So. mortified. think shameful reactions:#averted gaze; flushed cheeks; figeting under their stares; or perhaps the classic deer-in-headlights look as he freezes in shock#just as he feels everything crashing down around him. the others get ahold of themselves and share their reactions too#shock; confusion; endearment (charlie would 100% do a big AWW/want to touch it); reassurances galore when they see him retreat into his mind#they tell him it's normal (he's in hell; no longer a human but a demon; everyone looks odd by some standard)#they tell him it makes sense (he's a deer after all). they tell him his appearance is nothing to be ashamed of and that everyone is still#super intimidated and frightened by him ♡; that it doesnt change anything; that theyre sorry for whatever led him to believe otherwise
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- I understand how you feel, Yuma... and I don't want you to accept it. -
Rank 55: Yuma Jets!!
#Did you hear that? That's the sound of my soul shattering because of them#Astral's sorrowful gaze and Yuma's hopeless reaction#It doesn't matter if Yuma won the duel#there's no way for Astral to avoid his fate#and Astral has already accepted that dreadful future that was reserved to him#because it is the only way he could protect Yuma's world and his world as well#He wants to protect their worlds even at the cost of his existence#The fact that Astral sees himself as something small to sacrifice destroys me#for him his life is nothing compared to the safety of their worlds#and Yuma understands why he has to do that but how can he accept it?#how can he accept that there is nothing he can do to save Astral? How can he stand and watch Astral sacrifice himself?#it's unfair it's awful but there's nothing that they can do#that end was decided from the beginning#and it is made more painful because Astral has learned how to live thanks to Yuma and Yuma has got more attached to Astral day after day#and now Yuma has to watch Astral meet his terrible fate and Astral has to accept it because there is no way to fight it#the only thing Astral can do is ask Yuma to not lose his spirit his Kattobingu#to not accept that hopeless feelings to not let that sadness take over his heart#I want to hug Astral I want to hug both of them and never let them go#Every sentence in this scene is carved in my mind#especially Astral's ones because he accepts what will happen to him but there is also so much sadness in his words#he deserves to be happy I want him to be happy#yugioh zexal#yuma tsukumo#astral zexal#astral yugioh#zexal#yu gi oh zexal#ygo zexal#zexal manga#zexal manga spoiler
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So my roommate is also into One Piece. I’m not sure if he’s watched any of the anime, I know for sure he’s watched the live action, but earlier tonight he came upstairs and watched a few episodes with me while waiting for a food delivery, and then he got hooked, and then he sat and watched MORE episodes with me without really knowing what was going on. But it was still wildly entertaining to him, esp since I’m right in the middle of one of the (arguably) best arcs rn, and now he wants to finish the arc with me LOL. NOBODY is immune to One Piece propaganda. Or Bon-chan 🥰
#Shima speaks#IT WAS JUST REALLY FUNNY#Like he’s been spoiled to a lot of stuff and has general knowledge of some things#So he knows (as well as I) about what’s going to happen to Ace#But yeah I’m in the middle of Impel Down and it’s absolute fucking CHAOS rn. Insane.#He was like. How much more are you going to watch tonight.#And I was like well I usually go until right before bedtime when I’m binging it#So he was like let me grab my blanky :) LOL#We started chanting PRISON RIOT!! PRISON RIOT!! PRISON RIOT!!!!!#Idk it’s just nice. I usually don’t get this kind of reaction to stuff I watch#My parents don’t like anime and my sister. Well she likes it but only specific series#So I couldn’t rope her into OP even if I tried lol#So having someone be like ooooh what are you watching it looks good I want to join!#IT FEELS NICE. OKAY. I don’t get that ever!!!#I don’t have the kind of family who would be willing to watch anime with me#And tbh I get jealous when my friends tell me they watch anime with their parents#I doubt my parents would watch anime if I were on my deathbed and asked them to. LMAO#Not faulting then it’s not their cup of tea which is fine. It just makes me sad#*them#Bc that’s just. Such a HUGE part of my life and who I am. And they don’t know anything about that side of me#Or about the things I’m into#Sorry didn’t mean to get emo in my tags. Anyway.#I was gonna watch more OP during my lunch break tomorrow BUT since my roommate also wants to watch more. I will wait :)#Never have to do that usually! Huh!! How fun!!!#One Piece
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(rocking back and forth in the corner of an empty room) save me white boy save me white boy save me white boy s
oh my god. OH MY GOD. OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS . BOY.
#my first reaction was ‘what? his eyes do glow!’ and then i proceeded to cry#★ arin rambles#sorry i need to let this out#AVENTURINE. AVENTURINE oh dear#IM DR RATIO YOOHOO#HEYYYYY HEY HEY HEY HEY PLELASE PLEASE PLEASEEEEE#IM BEGGING YOU. IM BEGGING YOU#im getting a job so i can e6 him /j#Yall im obsessed with this man i have to have him kill me#like everytime i see him my eyes pop out like those ugly stupid pens with squishy animals on them#i think my body mustve sensed him or something#i literally woke up at 7 am in a cold sweat#im not gonna be normal#IM NOT GONNA MAKE IT#5 DAYS IS TOO LONG YALL IM NOT MAKING IT#IM GOING TO THROW UP#aventurine pleade aventurine please aventurine aventurine save me#AVENTURINE.#Please babygirl what i gotta do to get a suicidal blonde to kiss me around here???????#sorry if you follow me it will get worse#he a masterpiece . he changed my life . he a work of art…….#aventurine honkai star rail#hsr aventurine#AVENTURINE#OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OH MY GOD PLEASEEEE P#PLEASE ONE CHANCE ONE MINUTE ONE SECOND JUST A GLANCE#im gonan thriw up IM GONNA DIE#tears in my eyes
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Hey you know how I made a post a bit ago comparing Bartimaeus and Nathaniel, John and Arthur, and Venom and Eddie?
John and Arthur, you better fucking not.
#say hello to kitty for me#dont forget me#lets see a broadway show#can we go see a movie#fuck i cant do this#they literally made themselves soulmates#one life force#and i saw the ending coming but NOT LIKE THAT#i cried in the theater#im counting on that cockroach man#they can survive anything right#and there was the bartender CLEARLY theyre saying it was that particular little bit in the tube right#so. so like he can come back right. with all his memories and- and-#im writing these tags in the parking lot of the theater btw if you couldn't tell from how rambling they are#im distraught#the continuing saga of my marvel reactions#original post#venom (2018)#venom the last dance#the last dance#the last dance spoilers#venom spoilers#symbrock#malevolent#private eyes#my malevolent stuff#bartimaeus trilogy#im not going to post this for a week im sure it'll seem completely unhinged by then
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sorry for only saying this type of shit lately but i kinda wanna drive a car straight into a brick wall at the highest speed possible
#trying to keep it together so bad because i already know the problems and solutions and whatnot but i cannot do anything#i desperately just need to do something. accomplish any task. actually several would be nice. but i cannot stand just letting life go by#while i watch other people have the things i want. or even metaphorically living my dream like. that should be me why am i settling for thi#i hate even talking about this because i feel so stupid when i know it's not even a real tangible problem and that i actually DO have real#problems to tackle and the ability to do so but i'm choosing to be upset over the stupidest things i could possibly be sad about#and i can't even be sad about it in a normal way i'm cycling through like several different reactions to smth that isn't even real#or if it is real i literally do not have tanglible evidence for it one way or another like i'm driving myself insane for no reason#i can't even get catharsis because all i'm doing is digging a deeper hole for something i never should've gone back into in the first place#because i KNOW how i am i KNOW how i react to things and i still chose to do it lmao.#and i continue to choose to go through this shit instead of actively trying to change my life because... i'm lazy? and stupid? idk#negative self-talk isn't gonna get me to do anything either so let's just say i'm feeling particularly unmotivated like usual#i hated being a teenager but i really do miss when all my problems just amounted to 'someone was mean to me on tumblr today :(' or i failed#a test in chemistry or something. like i yearn for that simplicity becasue at this point all i'm doing is ruining my own life LMAO#i'm too scared to live i'm too scared to die so i just sit here and fantasize that life could be amazing if i wait#and i'll magically get everything i've ever wanted if i just wait long enough. and i know it isn't true and i still wait for it to happen.#because honestly like. i think deep down i am just convinced i will fail at anything i do when that shouldn't be what scares me.#what scares me should be never even allowing myself to fail because i never tried to do anything at all with myself or my life#like. wake the fuck up. get off your ass and put in the effort. learn some skills. gain independence and stability and discipline and do it#just live please i'm begging you just live so i can be happy don't i deserve to be happy... why am i not letting myself be happy#i'm literally keeping myself trapped in this negative feedback loop ON PURPOSE because teehee shiny toy#and it doesn't matter if the love is real it doesn't matter how i feel like i'm just using it as a distraction i can't say it's motivation#because it's barely motivated me at all. i have to start being realistic. 25 & just realizing you actually have to participate in your life#anyways. i've cried i've agonized i've pictured killing myself in 30 different ways. i think the only way i'm gonna feel better is#to just actually try this time without giving up. wish me luck
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