#LET THIS BE A LESSON TO EVERYONE

[mariana-oconnor]

The Naval Treaty pt 4

The Moment of Truth

Will my immediate and instinctive dislike of Joseph Harrison be proved right, or will I be forced to admit that this crime is not his? (I make no promises regarding other crimes, however.)

What the object of my friend's manoeuvres was I could not conceive, unless it were to keep the lady away from Phelps...

Here we see Watson's focus on interpersonal matters, rather than on logistics. Holmes could have found a far easier and more sensible way to keep them apart if he wanted to.

...he calmly announced that he had no intention of leaving Woking.

Well no. You can't catch... the person... red-handed if you leave for London, now can you?

Gotta let them think you're in London and do the sneaky sneak.

I may be a little sleep deprived today, so this could be a little more unhinged than usual.

"Watson, when you reach London you would oblige me by driving at once to Baker Street with our friend here, and remaining with him until I see you again."

What, no? You're not letting Watson come? Bad Holmes. FIRST this means we don't get a first-hand account of you catching Jos- the unknown ne'erdowell in the act. SECOND Percy doesn't deserve to be left alone with the guy who hit him with sticks for years. He's been an idiot and failed utterly at both of the 2 jobs he had (copy treaty, don't let treaty be stolen) but he doesn't deserve that. Not to mention that Watson's going to be all sulky.

"It is fortunate that you are old school-fellows, as you must have much to talk over."

Oh yeah, the good old days.

“But how about our investigation in London?” asked Phelps, ruefully. “We can do that to-morrow. I think that just at present I can be of more immediate use here.”

Has no one else realised what the plan is? Percy was pretty good at this last time, I swear.

I'm being unreasonable. I have knowledge of the genre and the tropes that the characters do not have, as well as an awareness that I am reading a story and therefore only things that are relevant to the story are emphasised. Please accept my humblest apologies, Watson and Mr Phelps. There's no way Percy could ever suspect that the document he so carelessly allowed to be taken is in the same room where he was lying for almost ten weeks. Although he must suspect that the 'attempt on his life' was connected in some way.

Still... we must make allowances for the limitations of their vision, trapped as they are within the ink of the tale.

“I hardly expect to go back to Briarbrae,” answered Holmes.

Now that's got to be a lie. How else are you going to catch him... ahem, them in the act?

“You are sure it was not a house-breaker's jimmy?” “Oh, no, it was a knife. I saw the flash of the blade quite distinctly.”

You didn't seem that certain earlier, Percy. And we all know that eye witnesses are notoriously unreliable about things like that. Although I will admit that I would go the other way and start doubting myself. Percy, apparently, has decided to double down.

I don't think that Joseph - or whoever the villain is - wants Percy dead per se, so why a knife. To pry up a floorboard?

"It is absurd to suppose that you have two enemies, one of whom robs you, while the other threatens your life.”

I mean, you could be a little nicer to the guy who has barely recovered from a nine-week-long illness, Watson. Your bedside manner leaves a little to be desired. But you are, in fact, getting to the crux of the matter. The very sharp edge of Occam's Razor, if you will.

“But Holmes said that he was not going to Briarbrae.” “I have known him for some time,” said I, “but I never knew him do anything yet without a very good reason.”

This seems patently false. The man does things without reason all the time. Not on cases, maybe. But he sticks his legs on top of the fireplace and goes off on tangents about the beauty of a rose being evidence of the existence of an allpowerful deity. I don't know if it's in the short stories or the longer ones, but he shoots the queen's initials into the wall of his lodgings.

Although I like how Percy says 'But he said he wasn't going' and Watson doesn't even really respond to that one way or the other. The 'I have known him for some time' could indicate that Watson can tell when he's lying.

But it was a weary day for me. Phelps was still weak after his long illness, and his misfortune made him querulous and nervous. In vain I endeavored to interest him in Afghanistan, in India, in social questions, in anything which might take his mind out of the groove. He would always come back to his lost treaty, wondering, guessing, speculating, as to what Holmes was doing, what steps Lord Holdhurst was taking, what news we should have in the morning. As the evening wore on his excitement became quite painful.

Watson is the worst at this. Stop trying to talk to him about things you're interested in and ask him what he's interested in. If in doubt, ask about his fiancee. That should get him talking, at least.

Also, Watson seems so put out that Percy is worried about the thing that his entire life hinges on. How very Victorian of him. Buck up, Percy. Stiff upper lip.

The next conversation is just so full of Watson being deliberately vague so as not to get Percy's hopes up and Percy utterly refusing to accept Watson talking around the subject. Honestly, at this point, they're both equally aggravating and amusing

It boils down to:

"Do you think Holmes has an idea? Argh, he doesn't, does he?"

"I've seen him solve other cases."

"But what about this one?"

Repeatedly, round and round in circles.

“On the contrary, I have noticed that when he is off the trail he generally says so. It is when he is on a scent and is not quite absolutely sure yet that it is the right one that he is most taciturn."

Ah, finally, an actual answer that's a bit helpful and doesn't promise anything. Was that so hard? The poor man just wanted some reassurance and empathy. I can absolutely understand why the pair of you did not get along at school, you're clearly coming at the word from completely different ends of the Victorian hero spectrum. Well, honestly, Percy from a literary standpoint is firmly in the position of heroine, what with the sudden onset of fever from stress and being shut away in a room with people breaking in in the middle of the night. He's practically the heroine of a gothic novel, and Watson doesn't know how to deal with a man who embodies so many of the more stereotypical 'feminine' tropes. If it had been a woman, he would have thought to appeal to her emotions, I bet, but because Percy is a man, Watson's trying his best blokey comforting methods and failing miserably. He's stuck in the trap of gender roles and he doesn't even see it.

There's honestly probably quite a decent essay there about this story and reframing literary gender roles. I expect someone has already written it.

Sorry, my English Literature degree is getting in the way of a good time. Weird how that happens now, but very rarely happened while I was getting it. 😅

TO THE MEMES!

“He'll be here when he promised,” said I, “and not an instant sooner or later.”

Oh, oh, oh! It is a gift, a gift to the foes of Mordor!

Standing in the window we saw that his left hand was swathed in a bandage and that his face was very grim and pale. He entered the house, but it was some little time before he came upstairs.

What the what now? I was going to say earlier 'don't leave Watson behind; what if Joseph gets violent?' but then I remembered Holmes is more than capable of taking care of himself, so I didn't. But apparently I was right to have that thought.

Joseph Harrison has so much to answer for.

Look... if it's not him, I'll apologise. But... but... it's him alright.

“After all,” said I, “the clue of the matter lies probably here in town.”

No. Because it's Joseph. Motherfucking. Harrison.

I am preparing my I told you sos.

Also, the man is injured. Why would he be injured if he hadn't come across someone in the process of ne'erdowelling? I suppose he could have trapped his hand in a door or something. But we're back to Occam's Razor again. Evidence points to him discovering something at least.

“Tut, it is only a scratch through my own clumsiness,” he answered...

Or he trapped it in a door, I guess. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

“This case of yours, Mr. Phelps, is certainly one of the darkest which I have ever investigated.”

Darker than The Greek Interpreter? Because that shit was dark.

“Won't you tell us what has happened?” “After breakfast, my dear Watson."

Percy over here just dying of stress. Don't mind him. Lolol.

“Mrs. Hudson has risen to the occasion,” said Holmes, uncovering a dish of curried chicken. “Her cuisine is a little limited, but she has as good an idea of breakfast as a Scotch-woman."

Well, that's not an English fry-up.

Curry for breakfast in England? And it's not kedgeree? I genuinely can't tell if the comment about the 'scotch-woman' is intended to be a compliment or an insult. But I think kedgeree is more common in Scotland, so maybe that's the connection? I've never had it, only heard of it, and Wikipedia tells me the first known British recipe for it was in a Scottish cookbook. So I guess this is a reference to kedgeree? But chicken?

I know curry is eaten for breakfast in different parts of the world, but it's really not a very common thing over here. I suppose there was a lot of Indian influence on fashions in the Victorian Era, what with colonialism being at its peak and all, so maybe they were just trying it out and it eventually settled down to kedgeree?

"What have you here, Watson?” “Ham and eggs,” I answered.

OK, Watson's going more traditional. That makes sense. Although when did the traditional English Breakfast even originate?

The English Breakfast society tells me 14th-15th century, and I guess they should know.

“Well, then,” said Holmes, with a mischievous twinkle, “I suppose that you have no objection to helping me?”

Oh no. Oh no, Holmes. What did you do? Are you about to give this man another brain fever? I swear, between you and Watson you're going to murder him by accident.

Phelps raised the cover, and as he did so he uttered a scream, and sat there staring with a face as white as the plate upon which he looked. Across the centre of it was lying a little cylinder of blue-gray paper.

Happy surprise! Although still kind of a dick move for a man recovering from a stress-induced illness. Holmes does like to be a dramatic bitch sometimes, eh?

It's a nice dramatic moment, though. I can appreciate why he did it, even if I do feel for Percy in his poor, sleep-deprived, overly stressed state.

And now he's keeling over in a near faint, as well. Gothic Heroine, I'm telling you.

“There! there!” said Holmes, soothing, patting him upon the shoulder. “It was too bad to spring it on you like this, but Watson here will tell you that I never can resist a touch of the dramatic.”

At least Holmes knows it was a dick move, even if he doesn't actually apologise.

“I have not the heart to interrupt your breakfast any further, and yet I am dying to know how you got it and where it was.”

... I'm dying to hear about that damned bell. Seriously. THE BELL.

“After leaving you at the station I went for a charming walk through some admirable Surrey scenery to a pretty little village called Ripley, where I had my tea at an inn, and took the precaution of filling my flask and of putting a paper of sandwiches in my pocket."

This is not relevant. What...?

I'm so glad you had a nice little walk and honestly, a drink at a pub in a Surrey village sounds all kinds of delightful, but really... what?

Get to the bit where you tell everyone I was right all along!

Or the part where it turns out I've committed the heinous crime of being wrong on the Internet, I suppose.

"...witness the disreputable state of my trouser knees..."

No notes, I just love this phrase.

“The key!” ejaculated Phelps.

Okay, Percy. Calm down. That's what he just said.

"I was left squatting in the rhododendron-bush."

Let us take a moment to appreciate the strength of Sherlock Holmes' leg muscles.

"It was very long, though—almost as long, Watson, as when you and I waited in that deadly room when we looked into the little problem of the Speckled Band."

Callback! Take a shot!

"I suddenly heard the gentle sound of a bolt being pushed back and the creaking of a key. A moment later the servant's door was opened, and Mr. Joseph Harrison stepped out into the moonlight.”

(emphasis mine)

“Joseph!” ejaculated Phelps.

Percy is ejaculating all over the place, today.

Also... yeah... that's what he said. Joseph. Mmhm. Jo-seph.

I'm trying to be very calm and gracious about this, but please believe that I actually look like this ⬇⬇⬇

"...he proceeded to turn back the corner of the carpet in the neighborhood of the door. Presently he stopped and picked out a square piece of board..."

I was right about the floorboard too!

Not about him needing the knife for it, because apparently it's a whole plumbing thing, which makes sense and is kind of interesting, but... it counts, right?

“Well, he has rather more viciousness than I gave him credit for, has Master Joseph."

PUPPY MURDERER VIBES!

"Having got them I let my man go, but I wired full particulars to Forbes this morning. If he is quick enough to catch his bird, well and good. But if, as I shrewdly suspect, he finds the nest empty before he gets there, why, all the better for the government."

Another one where the villain is uncaught, although supposedly for the good of the government. (Honestly, the government deserves to have people question its security principles if a delayed cup of coffee is enough to put the entire political system of Europe at risk).

“And Joseph! Joseph a villain and a thief!”

Who...

would...

have...

thunk it?

🙃🙃🙃🙃

“From what I have heard from him this morning, I gather that he has lost heavily in dabbling with stocks, and that he is ready to do anything on earth to better his fortunes. Being an absolutely selfish man, when a chance presented itself he did not allow either his sister's happiness or your reputation to hold his hand.”

OK, fine. I didn't get the motive right. Fine. I accept that I was wrong on that count.

But all this ignores the most important question? WHAT ABOUT THE BELL?

"I had already begun to suspect Joseph, from the fact that you had intended to travel home with him that night, and that therefore it was a likely enough thing that he should call for you, knowing the Foreign Office well, upon his way."

I also totally missed that...

I based my accusations on vibes and vibes alone, and missed all actual evidence to the fact. This seems like a win, but it is, in fact, a loss for logic and reason.

"...you told us in your narrative how you had turned Joseph out when you arrived with the doctor..."

I missed that, too.

Dude. I was terrible at this. Lmfao at my own incompetent, prejudicial blundering to the right idea. I'm a farce. This is hilarious. I love it.

Finding no one there he promptly rang the bell, and at the instant that he did so his eyes caught the paper upon the table.

The bell! At last, the bell! It all makes sense now.

There I was imagining a premeditated crime, but in reality it was a crime of opportunity. Which I would have known if I had just read the text more closely. My high school teachers are all shaking their heads at me and sighing.

"...he had concealed it in what he thought was a very safe place, with the intention of taking it out again in a day or two, and carrying it to the French embassy, or wherever he thought that a long price was to be had."

OK, man was intending to commit treason. Wasn't expecting that. Thought he was just trying to fuck up Percy's life. But no.

“I can only say for certain that Mr. Joseph Harrison is a gentleman to whose mercy I should be extremely unwilling to trust."

Man was sus. Holmes agrees: Bad vibes. I got a Nat 20 Insight, Nat 1 Investigation.

I do not remember The Adventure of the Cardboard Box even a little bit, so that'll be fun next time. I wonder why it's controversial... or maybe I don't want to know. Guess I'll find out either way.

On that note, I will take my bows, and accept all due adulation on my brilliance and impeccable vibe checking.

[ladysophiebeckett]

none of this would be happening had jon m chu hired unknowns for wicked: the movie.

[foundfamilynonsense]

It’s so sad to me that a huge part of the Star Wars fandom still talks about how the Jedi lost their way and one of the main reasons is that the fought in the clone wars.

Because this is a children’s show. For children. And in the Jedi crash episode they literally bring up this argument.

“It takes two to fight”

And:

This old man goes off on them. He chooses peace. But what does his peace look like?

The separatists come in and are like “our planet now” and he’s like “ok fine”

And then they use the planet to test out a HUGE weapon that would killed MILLIONS of innocent people and clones. So already his “peace” is just breeding more violence.

But then they decide to use his people as test subjects.

What he was doing wasn’t “peace” it was compliance. He was aiding colonizers and invaders and then they were going to kill him and his entire community because of it.

The separatists were literally conquering planets and killing and enslaving the inhabitants. You wanted the Jedi to sit back and go “sorry man. We like peace. Can’t get involved.”

I just… how can so many people in this fandom misinterpret something that was shoved down their throats??

[kimbapisnotsushi]

okay no see the thing that made me really, really sad about hinata and the thing that made me really, really root for him and love him and want to see him win it all was how, like, people kept DENYING him. and i'm not talking about spectators in the stands going "omg he's so short haha, can he really do anything?" i'm talking about how his own team and how everyone who knew them in some way - as much as i love them - could never really separate him from kageyama. they were the freak quick duo, karasuno's number nine and number ten. they were amazing! so brilliant, the two of them. and hinata thought it was a way out, at first. he thought it was a way over the summit. he thought it was the key to being someone better.

but a key goes both ways, you know. it can lock you up just as much as it can set you free.

and hinata had to be so, so frustrated. everyone was finding ways to move forward except him. everyone expected him to stay stuck. and you could argue that that's not entirely true, sure, that he was always training, always trying to catch up, and they encouraged that. but nobody ever expected him to be more. nobody ever expected him to go beyond what he had with kageyama - they all thought that was enough for hinata. they thought he was fine like that because it worked for the rest of them. they underestimated how much he wanted to be capable. they didn't get how much he wanted to stand on his own two feet.

and that wasn't fair to hinata! it wasn't fair that hinata, who loved to play and loved the game and loved volleyball so so much, was the only one being left behind! he wanted to change that but nobody was trying with him!!! so of course he got impatient!! of course he was reckless!!! of course he was carving his own opportunities!!! there was no way forward otherwise!!! because if we take a minute to think about how training would have gone while kageyama was at tokyo, let's be honest — it probably wouldn't have gone well. nobody else can do with hinata what kageyama could do with him. hinata would have been held back. he would have felt useless. practicing serves and receives was stuff he was already doing constantly before that, and it wasn't teaching him anything. yeah hinata was a little bit selfish and a little bit shameless but being so finally got him somewhere!!

all hinata ever wanted to do was fly, even if it meant straying from the flock to do so

[ozzgin]

Ozz get the family together, we have to find a cure for my Jojosiwaphobia. I wake up screaming at night due to nightmares of her humping everything in sight.

Sorry, it’s what you get for bullying all those fictional yandere characters.

What was the saying…?

Karma’s a bitch, I should’ve known better

[goddessofroyalty]

In continuation of this post of Professor X and Magneto managing to be mates 80% of the time because they keep renewing it every time they team up and it not fully/only just wearing off between said team ups.

The X-men (and Brotherhood) are resigned to the fact that whenever the team up lasts more then a couple days that mate-bond is going to be renewed. It does feel ineivtable that the two of them are going to retire to chess one night and by the morning there's going to be fresh bites and a vague content feeling caused by a very pleased telepath in the room.

What they more have issue with is when the team up only lasts under a day or so. When they were only working together for 8, 20, maybe 33 hours where nobody slept and someone can vouch for knowing the location of one/both of the two of them the entire time and yet somehow by the time Magento has fucked off again Charles still has a fresh bite and that strong-mated scent because What? How? When?

[eloquentsisyphianturmoil]

Good warlord Maedhros

[ships-n-bats]

I still absolutely love how Wolfwalkers ended.

Love that it still ultimately focused on Robyn and Mebh and how they leave their old world behind to find a new one, just for them, their parents, and the wolf family to live in peace, far away from the townspeople. How after all that drama and near-death experiences, they just get to rest in the caravan, protected by their respective parent and live together in the forest.

No more societal expectations. No more gender roles. No need to appease a bunch of people who really only want them dead for what they are. No focus on these two literal children to change a town’s whole mindset like so many other films do. No, the message was just these two girls finding their happy ending with their loved ones somewhere else and just cutting out that toxic environment all together.

Why waste energy trying to help a bunch of people they don’t even have any real attachment to, after all? Especially with people who actively forced roles they didn’t want onto them and mistreated them for being different? It’s just such a breath of fresh air to see a film that ends with the characters finding happiness and peace in their own little slice of heaven, rather than wasting time, energy, and emotions on trying to change others.

[herearedragons]

tag the oc that's most likely to get stuck in a time loop and what kind of time loop it would be

[mollysunder]

If I've said it once I'll say it again. I'd love to see Vander's memories of Silco run contradictory to Jinx's memories of him. Both their respective last moments with Silco should filter their other memories of him with bias.

Maybe Jinx's memory Silco would be slightly more whole, the sequences of events make more structural and logical sense. Maybe her memories are literally rosier in hue thanks to the pinkish glint of shimmer coloring the scene.

Meanwhile, years of torture and isolation have at best turned Warwick's memory into Swiss cheese. He can remember names and faces okay...ish, but the more it makes him angry (or just in a way he can't process) the more the memory distorts. Warwick remembers Silco, but he can't remember Silco young. He can give Silco an unscathed face, but he still adds lines of age because his most vivid memory of Silco was his last.

I want Silco to tell Jinx one thing in her memory, while Warwick's memory plays out a whole other sequence of events. But it's only fun if Silco's story in Jinx's memory is the one that makes more sense. No one is reliable narratir, still some people are more reliable than others.

Bonus points if Warwick's deteriorating memory reflects how trauma could affect Vi's own memory down the line.

[fromtheseventhhell]

"Ned doesn't know how to talk with Sansa" Okay but like…where though? Where is it actually anywhere in the books that Ned has trouble speaking with Sansa? Or that he doesn't know how to handle her or "what to do" with her? The conflict people try and invent between them is just so...forced. I wish people would just let it go and stop trying.

[abandoned-quiche]

i think what undertale fangames should really strive for is to push undertale's themes of mercy to the edge - push the PLAYER to see what their limits are on who deserves mercy.

[inafieldofstarflowers]

Star Wars but Anakin finds out that the clones have slave chips implanted in their heads

That boy had so many bad experiences and loyalty & love for others was like, both his thing and also the thing that made him break away from the jedi, so like, imagine if he found out that his good friends were not only basically slaves in terms of being pressed into service, but also were literally able to be controlled? He would riot, and when Plo Koon found out that someone did this to his children troops?

Palpatine would not stand a chance against the combined might of Anakin “Protect my friends and family at the cost of the galaxy” Skywalker & General Dad. He would crumple & his empire would collapse before it began.

[whiteheartlight]

wish the books included the part of the story where Turaga Onewa decided he was going to provide the Toa Mata with some Mind Control Resistance 101 training and then proceeded to psychologically torture the lot of them for at least a week - because I'm sure it happened at some point

[thesafecafe]

Okay I know I said I'd only address this once but here you go:

Assuming that bit about the diaspora of African/Caribbean/black American terminology stemmed from me saying I was African American on a tag game yesterday. You really have been lurking around huh? Fan behavior. As a person of African descent, I can't say I'm African American now? Girl get your priorities straight before you try and give me any lessons. What I say is what I fucking say.

And of course I called your dumbass out, YOU MESSAGED ME WITH THAT BULLSHIT! I'm getting tired of your dumb ass. Imma say it again: get the fuck out my face. Jealousy is a horrendous look on you. You're basically saying "she has what I want but it's not coming to me the way I want/fast enough so I'm going to try and make everyone else feel as lonely and miserable as I do." You're never beating the friendless allegations. Why don't you spend your time worrying about how to attain the so called "fame" you're trying to achieve. Now, I REALLY won't be talking to you again, unless I get the sudden urge to die of boredom.

@andysorbit & @ringdingdongdxck we got a live one y'all 💀🤚🏾

[thebusylilbee]

wild... I mean the image is horrifying but technically it was the most painfree way to go in their situation so.... better this than crying and screaming and starving in an underwater tomb for 96 hours