#L death note headcanons

[terarria-sunflower]

very un-fire emblem, but since ao3 is down here's some L death note headcanons I was debating posting, hopefully they will benefit the masses in this time of hardship

L and how he thinks about romance:

(tw for slight sexual references and short icky behavior from an unnamed non-canon character but no non con, could be dub con)

- he had a couple puppy loves when he was a kid that he fell way too deep into and had break his heart. he just had trouble understanding the natural flow of relationships, and his standing with others who expected him to keep up with them, so he kept getting left behind

- he's obviously bisexual

- and i think he had a brief thing with another boy when he was an early teen and living at the orphanage

- probably the kind of thing where he felt like he had found his soul mate, and they spent lots of time together trying to make up for how starved for love their lives had been at Whammy's, and then eventually the other boy started to become disgusted with the system, and with L because he was so integral to it the older he got, and neither of them understood any of that, and the other boy broke up with him very unkindly and vanished all in the span of about a week

- L is a little wiser to what was going on behind the scenes now, but even if he had the full explanation, the pain was just so acute, and echoed his recurring experience with abandonment so that thinking about it just solidifies a belief that he's unlovable

- i think when he got into his later teens at the orphanage and started to have a bit of freedom to wander around unsupervised, he also had a brief relationship with an American girl who was on vacation in the area

- and by brief i mean the literal one week that she was in Britain

- she was a bit older than him, almost enough to be icky and certainly old enough to know better than to play with an obviously vulnerable young boy

- she was bored and on vacation so she decided to use him, and again he was totally smitten, poor thing was still just so desperate for companionship that he didn't question a good thing

- he is a genius, but his emotional intelligence just developed slowly cause of trauma:/

- she manipulated him into being physical with her the day before she went home in an alley near the orphanage. they didn't have penetrative sex but they got pretty well acquainted

- she left him immediately after and didn't come back to say goodbye.

- that experience was where his trust allowance ran out, and a few years later after he and Watari began moving around the world, the time and the physical separation from where he grew up helped him understand not to blame himself

- it's actually really lucky that he became a career law enforcer, because it gave him the needed exposure to how much other people straight up suck, and saved him from a lifetime of self-hatred

- his theme is really being self sustainable

- he doesn't have any qualms about his personal worth

- but he also doesn't think he's good enough for other people, so he's learned to live totally without them

- Watari is the exception, because L knows that their relationship is based on Watari needing him for his talent, and he can know quantifiably that he's good enough for that

- i think romance is something he craves even if the lack of it doesn't torture him, but he is truly and literally waiting for the stars to align in the person he chooses; it's something he will never take a risk on again (cough why I'm anti-Lawlight although no disrespect to the ship or it's shippers at all it's just not for me!)

- attraction is easy! he just doesn't trust it a bit.

- his end-game would have to be someone who's known him and Watari for quite a while, who Watari likes, and who has stayed around long enough that their only possible motivation for wanting him can be- well, wanting him

- but once he's found the right one, and he's safe with them, I think he'd be eager to participate in surprisingly traditional romantic gestures, and a good communicator.

- he's awkward as we know, but when comfortable with the person he loves, i think that awkwardness turns into endearing, just non-current mannerisms. like, he's a big kiss his partner's hand kinda guy, which isn't that weird or outdated really but he does it with the intent and reverence with which a knight kisses the hand of a court lady, and he does it because he's gathered his most complete pictures of romance from books and from old movies that i'm sure Watari has made him watch

- 10/10, perfect baby angel of a man, the geneva war crimes are a part of him and I'VE decided they're funny

[kodamaghost00]

30 L lawliet Headcanons

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[Disclaimer!!]

This post will contain: NSFW,Sfw, Fluff, Smut It's also Genderless for the girls,gays and theys!

You’re a task force member in this scenario.

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He wouldn’t call you any nicknames, so that the other task force members won’t notices you two liking each other.

But the few times you two are alone together he calls you “Dear” or “Love”. He sticks with the romantic names.

He shares all his sweets with you, but you have to ask him nicely.

He enjoys gentle affection way more than rough love. Gentle hugs or forehead kisses are always welcome.

He doesn’t fall in love easily. In fact I would put him into the Aromatic spectrum. Only for the fact that he’s too focused on being the greatest detective of all time.

It took him some time as well to notice he loves you. Around 2-3 years to be exact.

He had some people seeking his love, but he never responded to any of them.

He’s probably the smartest man alive so sometimes you feel dumb next to him. (Sometimes he reassures you that you’re doing great)

His love language is Acts Of Service. He appreciates it the most when you buy him cake. He loves it even more when you backe one yourself!

He rarely cries. Like at all. You saw him cry like 1-2 times since you got to know him years ago.

He’s very paranoid of Kira killing you. Most of the time he tries to exclude you from the investigation.

Once you made him strawberry shortcake and he loved it! Loved it so much he wanted to show you how grateful he was…

He loves to give and receive neck kisses. He’d leave hickeys on you too but only where people can’t see them.

After all he wants to enjoy you alone. He’s very gentle so he rarely bites you. Not even when you ask him.

“I just don’t want to hurt you, that’s all. You’re so stubborn…”

He has great reflexes and is super flexible as well. He’s willing to try everything for your sake.

He also has a lot stamina. So you have to be prepared for nights that will last long. He cums throughout a lot.

He canonically can tie a cherry stem with his tongue only. Do whatever you want with this information.

He whimpers. But groans when he’s close.

He’s always awkward when it comes to aftercare. He doesn’t know what you want/need so he just decides to ask “What do you want to do now…?”

His cluelessness makes you chuckle most times but he does whatever you ask from him.

He’s not a fan of “sour” fruits like kiwi,pineapple or cranberry. He enjoys the sweeter stuff like banana,strawberry and cherry!

He’s the type of person that’s go non-verbal and let you ramble about your special interests. Not interfering once. Just absorbing all the information you provide.

If you guys fight he will apologize. Even if he knows he is right. He doesn’t like fighting with his loved ones.

He likes to buy you gifts at many times… he likes seeing your surprised smile!

He likes to hear your breathing while you sleep in one bed. It’s a nice ambiance.

He hates nuts. Walnuts, peanuts or even almonds. Everything nut related is a no go.

Every time you do something to make him laugh like embarrassing yourself for his sake, he laughs out of pity for you…

His full genuine laugh is so contagious… it’s really rare, so rare that no one besides you and Watari heard it before.

He takes his time with marriage or any commitment. He wants to make sure that you’re REALLY ready to marry a man like him.

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MASTERLIST

Hey guys! I’m really sorry that these took so long… and I’m also sorry if some Headcanons should come up twice, I’ve written this over a month now and just now finished it… don’t be too harsh on me!!!

- Your Ghost ༼ つ ╹ ╹ ༽つ

[gh0stbeeee]

I feel like people don't realize how much of a princess L is lmao

Like sure, Light takes care of himself and can be extremely prissy, but.

L literally hates doing anything "inane." Bro hates walking so much he uses a car to get everywhere, that he doesn't even drive. Ohba literally made one of those joke 4 panels where Watari pushed L around in a baby carriage.

He is so spoiled, so rich, all he does is get sweets catered to him to eat ungodly amounts of sugar while he solves true crime all day while he kicks his feet and giggles

He has the capabilities to do things, but he doesn't want to. And he'll get someone to do it for him. He literally wants to be waited on, and that is something so funny that is extremely underutilized in the fandom. Like, if bro wanted a jar opened, he could do it, sure. But he would 100% just get Light to do it somehow for the convenience.

Also, he needs his super comfy cushioned throne chair to lounge in. He barely sits anywhere else. And all he does half the time is sit, he must hate standing and being on his feet.

Light has probably had to carry him when they were chained. L is lazy and light enough for it.

Bro is a princess fr.

[nerdstify]

au where matsuda accidentally touches a tiny scrap of death note so he can see ryuk literally the whole time but he doesn't say anything because he assumes he's just light's really weird guide dog or something and that it would be rude to point it out

[rawrlight]

this has probably been talked about before but damnit i want to see more of the death note characters struggle.

i want to see light flinching at fireworks and his father's touch after the faked execution. i want to see him habitually turning to an empty chair, picking up a tennis racket, absentmindedly making tooth-rotting coffee before he realises L isn't there anymore.

i want to see misa installing multiple locks on her door after her parents' murders, making multiple trips at night just to check the doors are locked. after she gets married to light, i want her to complain to the empty air, to say a hasty goodnight before realising that no-one is there to listen any longer.

i want to see kid L staying up late alone, face lit by a computer screen. i want to see him before his death: i want to see his last moments with the man who raised him, his last night with the only one who understood him, him knowing that death's finally starting to catch up.

i want to see near trying to live up to the title of L. i want to see him staying up more at night, dropping sugar cubes in his tea even though he knows it's stupid.

i want to see mello digging his nails into his skin, chugging energy drinks, just to stay up and study for a little while longer. i want to see him doing anything to win and regretting it later on when he's alone. i want to see him keeping matt's goggles in his pocket after his death.

i want to see matt blaming himself after he sees mello spiral, maybe even blaming L and purposely scoring lower on his tests so he won't become the next L. i want to see matt choosing to follow mello out of the orphanage anyway and them having a big argument about it because mello didn't want matt to have to sacrifice everything he'd known for him.

i want to see kid sayu trying her best to live up to her brother's image, trying to be 'the smart one' because that's what light was and so she figures that's what she has to be, too.

i want to see sachiko, after her son's and husband's death, make a portion large enough for four, set a table for four and leave the door open every day at nine until she realises no-one is going to come home.

okay so i know that death note is an action-centered anime and having things like these would slow down the plot and maybe bore the readers. but i also think that all these show their humanity and also is part of the problem that light and L both show the readers: sometimes you get so caught up in the game, in the thrill of it all, that you forget the pawns you're playing with are not plastic pieces but real, living human beings.

[married-to-google-translater]

yandere L that hyperfixates on the MC😍

Plz send me more death note questions~ I also write for no Yandere

Yandere L Lawliet

L would meet with you during the criminal investigation.

You really get his attention.

The fact that you were suspected of a crime would give him more "opportunities".

Because it's no small crime if he's involved.

Then, however, you have nothing to do with anything.

L would find out very quickly.

But he doesn't drop you off the list of suspects.

Because how else would he find out about you?

Without suspicion people would call it stalking…

But when you are suspected it is called investigation.

And we saw how he did it with Light.

The cameras would be in your room very quickly.

Including recording equipment.

L would often ask you for interrogations.

Because he has "found more evidence".

They are usually found to be wrong right from the start.

L would offer coffee/pastries so that you wouldn't have come for nothing.

And after that you spend time just talking.

This would be a good way to learn more about you.

But everything comes to an end in the end.

Like the investigation.

And L doesn't want to let you go.

So now would be the time for the kidnapping :D

Which would be easy considering how well he would know you.

[wammyhoe]

wammy boys when s/o pulls them for a kiss by the belt 👉👈

Yum, yes, please and thanks!!! Did it more like when you pull them in by their belt, hope that's okay!

Warnings: 18+ / MDNI / suggestive, very soft. I think... / L is the oldest with 32

L: He finds the gesture appealing, and seductive in such an intimate, short gesture that he can't help but feel a tickle in his tummy. L responds as quickly as his mind allows him. Leaning mere inches from your face, he mutters, "What are you doing next?"

Mello immediately responds by pulling you close and tugging your hair back to expose your neck. It's all his now, to suck, nibble, bite, and kiss. He loves the tiny breaths it draws from you. You can see his hard cock through the tight leather.

Near: It surprises him, you're usually never this forward, but fuck, he kind of loves it when you are. Feeling this wanted is as new as exhilarating, and Near is there for anything you want to do to him, ready to give in return.

Matt: The glow in his eyes burns as bright as the computer's screen. The craving lingers for a second before he responds, taking your hands in his own. Oh, don't back up now baby, please, he wants you so very bad.

[eggo-tistical]

more oodles of my dn doodles

[lilacxquartz]

part 18 of 19 of kinktober: voyeurism

L x f!reader

plot: L liked to keep tabs on you, often in privacy breaching ways and one night, he caught on more than he had anticipated — themes: yandere L, stalking, voyeurism, spying, warning for unaware reader, masturbation, webcams — w.c: 700ish

kinktober masterlist • main masterlist • ao3

L sat all alone in his dimly lit bedroom, surrounded by multiple monitors panelled across his elusive set up. He remained perched over a desk chair that had long seen better days with his knees tucked in tight against his chest, fixated on one screen in particular.

Or rather one person in particular—you.

He caught sight of you completely by accident once, accidentally tuning into your webcam while on the search for something else. It was silly in a way, because he had forgotten what it even was by now, but one thing was clear and it was that he couldn’t stop thinking about you and you alone.

Almost to the point where it was unhealthy.

L’s fingers flew over the components of his desk, navigating himself hurriedly towards towards a hopeful glimpse of you. It was almost dangerously easy, knowing that you were just one measly quick away. That you were perfectly unaware, allowing him to spy on you again and again.

It wasn’t like he was doing this to be malicious though. Definitely not. He just wanted to know more about you, but being locked into his hermit lifestyle, he had no idea where to start exactly. L therefore watched on with wide, focused eyes as you entered your bedroom, wearing nothing except an old camisole with some loose gym shorts. Your hair was partially damp, hinting at a recent shower, which was made especially evident with just how tight the soft cotton clung and rode up your torso.

L stiffened as he watched you settle into your own desk chair with a hint of lust in his stare. His eyes followed your hand down to slip under the waistband of your shorts and as your chin tilted back to indicate the start of your own self pleasure. Unable to turn his sights away, he continued to glue his gaze onto the screen, watching as you spread your legs and steadied them wide over the table.

There was a split moment where he wondered if he should look away, if he should just stop the spying for once and to just leave you to it…

…But he didn’t. He couldn’t.

He was far too invested for it all to simply just end.

All the while you were perfectly unaware, allowing the pads of your fingertips to swirl around the bud of your clit as you read over a few alluring words on the screen. A nice little relaxing ritual of sorts, so desperately pent up and longing for a release, completely ignorant to the fact that you were currently performing for an audience of one.

The material on the screen is just enough to work with to make your mind wander in the direction you would rather have it go; allowing you to on occasion close your eyes and drift off to explore all sorts of possibilities. At a steady pace you ran tantalising circles across your sensitive flesh, feeling the arousing heat simmer and boil into a rising peak.

You were almost close at this point; feeling the shuddering crescendo of uttered gasps and strangled moans rolling out to meet at the impending climax. Your lower stomach tightened as your own touch sent your senses over the edge, finally melting away as a warm, sweeping sensation flooded through your core.

L watched all the while with his own arousal building from the sight of yours, unable to tear himself away the almost hypnotic bliss evident on your face. In an attempt to savour this forbidden sort of thrill further, he saved a long series of screenshots capturing you in various stages of undress and pleasure alike.

Perhaps it was sick of him to do, but he printed off the images, sticking them into a journal filled with various artefacts portraying you during the moments he simply couldn’t look away from, almost entirely filling up the book.

The journal at this point was a treasured possession for him; a dirty little secret that he had appointed for his eyes only because you were surely that special.

And maybe, just maybe, he would have to see what you’re like in real life for real sometime too, because if he was being frank, it wasn’t quite the same when you were just pixels on the screen.

One day—he thought as he logged off at long last—one day he might just see it through.

[vamphorica]

I know Mello wrote Another Note: The Los Angeles BB Murder Cases after a conversation with L, but to my knowledge, we don't exactly know how this conversation was had. I somehow don't believe L would have visited the House just to talk to Mello, and somehow, even a phone call seems a little bit too extensive for someone like L to conduct for such a discussion. I imagine he and Mello sent several very long emails to one another, in which Mello flooded L with questions, and L answered them as succinctly as he was able. Mello would sit at the computer for hours, rewording his questions and deleting large paragraphs under the illusion that the detective had far better things to do than respond to him, especially given the tone of his responses.

What he didn't realise is that L would see these emails and always stop what he was doing to read them twice over, three times if necessary. He would tell Watari to reschedule any appointments he might have had and carefully word each sentence in a manner he thought would be as efficient as possible, so that this young successor of his wouldn't find the story tedious. He always found Mello's enthusiasm, all too clear in his queries, to be rather endearing, and for a brief time felt as though his work was interesting, as frustrating as it could often be.

The last email was sent by Mello, no longer interrogating L over the case as he felt his responses had been sufficient for him to begin writing his book. He had documented all that he needed to know, and had broken into a file cabinet in Roger's office to retrieve additional information about Beyond that either L would not have been aware of, or felt inappropriate to explain. Instead, he thanked L for his time and told him how hard he was working to be worthy of his position, eventually. He couldn't have been more grateful for the opportunity to follow in his footsteps.

L didn't reply, not out of lack of trying, but he could not bring himself to warn Mello of what his role really comprised of. That to be L was not an enviable title, and that he would only find pursuing such work disappointing and meaningless. As such, the email thread was concluded, and the next time Mello heard of his predecessor's condition, it was in Roger's office once it was confirmed that he had been killed by Kira.

[dani-kon]

L Lawliet dating headcanons 🎂🖤

- I believe that L has no relationship experience or anything like that. He wouldn't know what to do at first, so don't expect much of him.

- Not just because he doesn't go out often, but also because he never felt like engaging in a relationship. He's usually busy working or doing other stuff.

- Gets pissed at himself when he notices he's falling for you, tries to ignore the feelings at all costs, but it gets stronger than him.

- He would take A LOT of time to open up to you. This guy doesn't trust anyone besides Watari, so getting him to trust you would require a lot of time and patience.

- At first, he wouldn't be very romantic. You'll need to teach him how to demonstrate feelings.

- Not the type to say "I love you" or cute things all the time, but he praises you a lot.

- Sometimes he acts distant, or he turns out quite invasive (getting way too close or touching you), but not in a way that bothers you.

- Spoils you a lot with gifts and food. Refuses to let you pay for anything on dates.

- L would want to investigate YOU. Wants to know everything about your life, your past, routine, personal tastes, and more.

- Stops by cafeterias and candy shops everytime you both go out together.

- Avoids involving you in dangerous cases (such as Kira's, for example), wants to keep you safe.

- This man spends like 5 days without sleeping, but if you try to convince him, he'll sleep more often and with you.

- In the nights he doesn't sleep, he stays in bed by your side, caressing your hair until you fall asleep.

- When you're not together, he'll want to know where you are, who you're with and what you're doing ("only for safety reasons", he says).

- If he gets jealous, he won't demonstrate it to you. Will only stay silent and keeps it to himself.

[freakynote]

L LAWLIET DATING HEADCANONS

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Sweet Bonding

L will always share his desserts with you ,no matter how much he loves them.

„Here ,take the strawberry on top — it’s the best part. But only this time.“

Blunt Compliments

L compliments you in the most straightforward ways.

„Your intelligence is statistically higher than anyone I‘ve met.. except for me.“

Late Nights

L rarely sleeps ,so he often pulls you into late-night talks.

He wakes you up at 2 a.m. to show you how the moonlight perfectly reflects on his tea cup. "I calculated the odds of this happening again, and it's less than 2%. You had to see it."

Protectiveness in Silence

L won't say much about it ,but his actions scream protectiveness.

Like walking on the outside of the sidewalk or ensuring you have a blanket. "It’s cold. I’ll bring you some tea."

Little Games

L loves turning everyday things into puzzles or challenges.

"Guess how many sugar cubes are in my coffee.“

Tactile Affection

L is not big on PDA ,but he’ll absentmindedly hold your hand while working.

"I work better this way.“

Attention to Detail

L remembers even the smallest things about you ,from your favorite snacks to how you like your tea.

"I brought this brand of cookies because I noticed you finish them faster than others."

Overthinking Love

L overanalyzes everything ,sometimes even your relationship ,but it’s only because he wants you to be happy.

"Do you think spending time apart will increase our fondness for each other by 7% or decrease it by 12%?"

Surprising Gentleness

L is despite his cold exterior incredibly gentle and thoughtful during emotional moments.

When you’re upset ,L quietly sits beside you ,offering your favorite snack without a word until you’re ready to talk. "Comfort can be offered in silence. Does this help?“

requests are open! <3

[satorusluver]

Sorry but "slightly evil" canon L is just so interesting to me.

The L who calls himself justice, but the real reason he's spent his life catching criminals isn't out of a sense of justice; it's because it's fun for him.

The L who's willing to lie and cheat and break the law, to use thieves and conmen to achieve his goals. Because it's all a game to him and he'll do anything to win.

The L who's incapable of trusting anyone, perhaps partially because he projects his own sly nature onto others, and because he's had no one get close enough to him to change his mind.

The L who doesn't know how to love in a healthy way, or how to love at all, and isn't sure he's even capable of it, but who knows that he feels something for you he's never felt for anyone else.

The L who would have no idea what to do with the emotions he feels for you, who wouldn't know how to open up his heart and his life and be vulnerable with another person, but who finds himself for the first time in his life wanting to try.

The L who knows he is a monster, and has always been content with being one, until you managed to work your way into his heart.

[btnclmrttn]

The Unconventional Affections of L (SFW)

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Silent staring. Bunch of it

Parallel play. Perfectly fine with being in the same room with you doing his own thing as you do yours. If his work is movable you might be surprised he quietly migrated into the room you were in alone and is working away.

Elsewise in shared activities or alike he is in close proximity. No further away than arms length. Just very close

Will find stray threads on your clothes to pull at, or a strand of hair, jewelry, piercings, scars, and lightly poke at them or run his finger around it. No eye contact necessary, just need to be nearby

Traces the features of your face repeatedly. Usually eye contact and silence or a conversation that has nothing to do with what he's doing

In private spaces where there's no observers he butts his head against you, once, and leaves himself still wherever he got you

Uncommon occasions he'll lay himself across your lap on his own terms but he's a little stiff about it initially. It's something he wants to do but doesn't quite get he's not supposed to be stiff

Likely wants his hair played with but sometimes he just takes your hand and studies it like he does your face

Not one to sleep at night normally, so sometimes he'll talk to you until you fall asleep. Just sitting next to you on the bed

[dicenote]

Death Note characters ranked on how good they are at driving, from worst to best:

Near: I'm sorry, but he's not reaching the pedals. Like, if you could strap his brain to a car and make him psychically drive it, he'd do better than most people on this list. But in a regular car he'd unfortunately struggle. Maybe he can control the gas/brake while Rester steers, or vice-versa.

Matsuda: I just know that he gets distracted by every little thing. Funny road sign? New song on the radio? Discussing murder notebooks with his passengers? He suddenly forgets that he's in the middle of changing lanes.

Ide: Better than Matsuda because at least he keeps his damn hands on the steering wheel. He's considerably worse if Matsuda and/or Aizawa are bickering in the car with him, though.

Misa: Her placement can be shifted up/down a few spaces depending on your definition of "good". She will get you to your destination 10 minutes earlier than you expect, but multiple traffic laws will be broken on the way.

L: Look, I know he piloted a helicopter in canon without a license, but the sky doesn't have lanes or traffic lights. He can figure out how to drive the vehicle, sure, but his driving is chaotic and only marginally better than Misa's overall.

Light: Like L, he probably doesn't have a license and could work his way around a car. Unlike L, he wants to look like the perfect law-abiding citizen and will try his best to drive like one. He ends up going a bit under the speed limit because of this. L finds his behavior highly suspicious.

Aizawa: Completely average driver, other than the occasional bout of road-rage. Or Matsuda-rage, if a certain idiot is messing with the AC again.

Mogi: Also completely average, but goes completely silent while driving (except when working as Misa's manager). Is he focusing on the road, or does he just not feel like talking? Nobody knows.

Mello: Prefers motorcycles, but is shockingly capable at driving a wide variety of vehicles just fine. He'll even obey the law if he isn't actively committing a crime in said vehicle.

Soichiro: We saw him smash that car into Sakura. Dude managed to make that look cool as hell. When not breaking and entering TV studios, though, he's probably very good at going the speed limit and following traffic laws and all that boring stuff (he is a cop, after all).

Matt: Roughly half of his experience driving is from Mario Kart and GTA, but he can still somehow Tokyo Drift IRL. Theoretically, these could be points against him (see L's placement), but he's so bafflingly good that Rule of Cool makes him the best by default. My point is that he could drive normal, but where's the fun in that?!

[rawrlight]

okay so i feel like we don't talk enough about light giving up tennis. we don't get a glimpse of kid light in elementary school (before the death note) either. but it's probably safe to say he was just as bored as he is when we see him in the first volume.

okay so imagine that you're light, you know?

you're good at studies but bored and then one day in middle school you discover tennis and then there's something other than studying you can lose yourself in. it's tiring, it's sweaty and dirty and brutal (if you've seen tennis you know what i'm talking about) and it gives you a chance to not be refined, to not be controlled. because the very point of tennis is to lose control.

you play and you learn that you're good at it, and then you naturally claw your way up to the top and now you have an excuse to act in a way you know you shouldn't. so you take hold of the sport and never let go.

but then you graduate and everyone's telling you you need to focus on your studies to go to a good university. they're telling you you need to give everything else up. you know what distractions mean and you know that this is the end of the line for you.

so you give it up. but some part of you will always be thinking about the inherent insanity of the game, the feeling that you never can feel again.

the moment you lose yourself is when you give up tennis. it's not the sport, not really---it goes so much deeper than that but you don't know how to explain it. you're back to the boredom you thought you could escape from three years ago.

so your racket collects dust in your closet. until one day you discover something else---something more sinister, something as interesting---up and recognise it as a game, a player that matches you. until one day that player comes along, and that is the last and final time you will pick your racket up.

i don't think light ever played tennis after the match with l. i don't think he could bear to. how can you go back to that?