#Kommandant Klink

[frau-wilhelm-klink]

Last Sentence Tag Game!

Write the latest line from your wip (or post where you last left off in your art) and tag as many people as there are words in the line. Make a new post, don’t reblog.

Thanks for the tag: @sunalwaysatyourback!

I’m writing a two-part, self-insert Hogan's Heroes novel 'cause I can. I have a strong need to give Hogan more headaches than Marya ever did, tell Hochstetter about himself (repeatedly) and flirt shamelessly with Klink.😏

“You will be safe, liebchen,” Wilhelm promised. Upon seeing Newkirk grab his woman, he had quickly strode over and taken her into his own arms instead. “I may disapprove of your colorful metaphors, but that does not mean I will allow Hogan to harm you in such a matter.”

Tagging: @badassbiburgerbob, @benevolenterrancy, @captains-and-corporals, @whatisthismandoinghere, @good-evening-mr-kaplan, @cardinalrose13, @roemerschanze, @wandering-wolf23, @pendragonoflibraries, @pazithigallifreya, @xxwingsfly, @original-character-chaos, @silverbackwolf14, @planningconquest, @acanofpeaches, @belphegor1982, @trekkiehood, @that115richtofengirl, @i-see-nothing, @cheyanne-chan, @codenamepapabear, @crazy-n-lazy-vivviii, @evilunderthesun, @cplredberet, @cpl-newkirk, @frau-werner, @khantoelessar, @perilsperil, @prisonerofstalag13, @bossasbatch, @feldwebel-schultz, @allied-hero, @inyourdreamsyouwillfind, @lanibb, @little-shit-soph, @sorrel-scribbles, @meanwhile-at-stalag-13, @mairesaoirse, @not-your-housekeeper98, @noahkalina, @oldshowbiz, @the-tea-and-book-nook, @rose3095, @saintwaffles, @snideoctopus, @the-permanent-blur, @usualgangofidiots, @unserhermanngoering & @visual-poetry

P.S. I found out after doing this that the maximum number of mentions in one post is 50.

[hogansheroestournament]

Reverend Kommandant Klink (s2 e25): When Hochstetter works to lower a French pilot's resistance to interrogation, Hogan brings the man's fiancee to camp to have Klink marry them.

Everybody Loves a Snowman (s3 e14): With Major Hochstetter in the camp, Hogan has extra trouble trying to smuggle out a bomber crew especially after they are moved from their usual barracks.

[she-elf4]

Tired

Klink looked in the mirror. The face that looked back at him looked exhausted, dark circles under dead eyes, sunken cheeks, pinched, joyless mouth. He could remember being full of life, once. What a horrid transformation. He'd tried to get out of Stalag 13 several times. Surely, someone as incomptent as he seemed to be should be forcibly retired? But no, no luck. He'd also tried to get out of this damn war. No luck there, either. Not even the Russian Front would have him! Before that had been the Great Depression, and the Great War before that. Even though his childhood had been difficult, he'd still been happy, full of joy. He'd had his younger brother and stepmother to lean on, people who loved him. Who did he have now? Nobody, everyone was gone. 

His musings were cut short by Hogan entering the room in his usual loud, complaining manner. For a momen, Klink hated the man. While he couldn't always keep up with Hogan's schemes, thanks to the Great War, he was well aware of the manipulations. Klink was so tired of being conned and tricked. Klink heard himself answering Hogan's latest complaint on a completely pre-recorded audio, without even needing to bother listening too closely. His attention thus free, he noticed that Hogan looked nearly as bad as he, himself, did. Klink found himself asking, "Hogan, are you alright?" Maybe he really should pay attention to what he was saying. 

That stopped whatever Hogan had been saying short. "What?" he asked, lapsing into silence. 

On the other hand, Klink considered, maybe he should try speaking without thinking more often. It wasn't very often he left Hogan speechless. "You look horribly tired. Are you getting enough sleep?" 

Hogan just stared at him for a second. "You don't look too good yourself." The perfect non-answere.

Klink rolled his eyes. "Seriously, you look half dead. Sit down, I'll make some coffee." Not waiting for an answere, he bustled around, getting the coffee pot and boiling the water on the stove. He came back a few minutes later, his fancy coffee set balanced on a tray. He set it down on the coffee table. Hogan gave a start out of a doze. 

"Jeez, didn't mean to doze off like that. I guess I really am tired," Hogan mused as he reached for a cup. "Must be all that late-night tunnel digging." 

Klink rolled his eyes again at the old non-joke as he settled beside Hogan on the couch. "No tunnel-digging, do not even think of it." Not that that had ever made a difference. They were both trapped here, all the same. 

"Wouldn't dream of it, Kommandant. If I escape, you'll be the first to know, I'll call you from the states." The old joke rolled off Hogan's tongue, sounding like he was on his own pre-recorded message. 

"Don't call me, just take me with you. I'm tired of this stupid war," Klink said, feeling the fatigue down to his bones. 

Hogan glanced over at him, a hint of his trademark mischievous smile on his face. "Aaaw, don't worry, Klink, I won't leave you behind." He threw an arm around Klink. Thirty seconds later, Klink felt Hogan's head hit his shoulder. As he settled in, he mused that maybe, things weren't so bad after all. Hogan might be a manipulative prick, but he did care about people. After all, they were in this together. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hogan slowly opened his eyes. He found himself under a blanket, laying on a particularly hard pillow. One wild moment later, he realised it was Klink. He stared, confused, for several long seconds before his brain finally sent over some vague memories of coming to the Kommandantur. Was it earlier today? Yesterday? He wasn't sure, couldn't see the window. He'd been on a particularly difficult mission, one that had taken three days. Three days of no sleep, though he'd switched out men half way through. No point in all of them dying from exhaustion. This was all on top of a grueling month. The war was heating up, and consequently, so was their operation. 

The last thing he clearly remembered was losing his temper at LeBeau and Newkirk, who'd been squabbling most of the day. Someone had given a teasing, "You're a monster." For whatever reason, that had hit home. Hogan had never wanted to be so manipulative, even though he had a knack for riling people up. He'd never wanted to be so loose with his morals. Thanks to this war, he'd transformed into a version of himself he couldn't recognise, and he hated it. He'd left with a vague excuse about Klink, stumbling across the compound to the Kommandantur. 

Finally, his sleep-addled brain supplied the rest of the sequence; Klink surprising Hogan with his perfectly genuine concern, and telling him he was tired of war. It was a good reminder, really, people like Klink was the reason he was doing all of this. He spent so much of his time taking care of Klink, it was nice to have it reciprocated once in a while. With that thought, Hogan settled back down and dosed off again.

[whatisthismandoinghere]

For the drabbles prompt:

"Kill Me" - After Hogan is caught outside the wire on one of his solo missions, Klink is forced to choose between killing Hogan or being shot himself, with the implication that Hogan will be shot either way. So Klink regrettably kills him, but only because he knows his prisoners need him.

I am happy to announce that I have finally finished a request!! For you my dear friend <3 I'd also like to thank you and everyone else who has requested things for their patience as I very slowly wade my way through them all lol but without further ado!!

"Herr Kommandant! Major Hochstetter... he- he caught Colonel Hogan... outside the wire."

They were words that Klink had been dreading to hear and that day had finally come. They echoed loudly in his mind over and over as he desperately tried to think of what to do, what to say, but nothing came.

"Kommandant?" Schultz gently spoke again, snapping Klink back to reality. "What are we going to do?"

Klink stared at Schultz for a moment, realizing how tired and sad he looked. He knew the sergeant was a good man, and he only wanted the best for the prisoners and for this terrible war to be over. But he couldn't give him any hope, for Klink couldn't find any himself.

"I honestly don't know, Schultz," Klink finally answered. "I don't know if there's anything we can do."

"But there must be something."

There had to be, Schultz just knew it. Things couldn't end like this. Hogan couldn't... he just couldn't... Schultz couldn't even being himself to think the word.

Die.

Schultz shuddered a little then turned to face Klink again, hoping against hope that he would be able to do something.

"Send them in," Klink said tiredly. "Maybe we can make this up as we go along."

Schultz nodded then turned to open the door to Klink's office, hoping his commanding officer was as good at winging it as Colonel Hogan was.

☆☆☆

"Colonel Klink," Hochstetter growled menacingly as he entered the office. He radiated confidence and pride with every step he took, fully basking in the glory of the capture of his greatest rival, Colonel Hogan of the USAAF.

Klink could hardly stand Hochstetter's attitude. It made him feel sick to his stomach, but he could not let him know that. He tried to put on a brave face and puffed out his chest, but he felt so deflated on the inside.

"Major Hochstetter," Klink answered, trying to keep his voice steady and making the choice to stand up behind his desk, hoping the fact he was taller than the major would help boost his own confidence. "What brings you here at this ungodly hour?"

"I'm so glad you asked," Hochstetter answered sinisterly as he reached his hand back and dragged Hogan forward. "Missing any prisoners lately?"

Klink looked at Hogan for a moment, noticing that Hochstetter had already had some fun. Hogan's clothes were rumpled and torn. Civilian clothes. There was blood running down the side of his face. A dark bruise was starting to form on his cheek and his hands were tied behind his back. The longer Klink looked, the worse the situation seemed to become.

"Major-" Klink began.

"Let me stop you right there, Colonel. You know the rules just as well as I do. I caught Hogan in civilian clothes, which means he is no longer protected by the Geneva Convention. A pity really."

A twisted smile crossed Hochstetter’s face as he nonchalantly pulled out his pistol and admired the gleam of it in the light of Klink's office.

"I'm sure there's a perfectly reasonable explanation, Major-"

"Like what? Are you trying to cover for him? Or maybe trying to cover for your disloyalty to the Fatherland?"

"That's not what I said. If you'd only let me finish-"

"I'm tired of talking Kommandant," Hochstetter said through clenched teeth. "There's only one way for this to end."

Hochstetter paused for a moment, then held his pistol out to Klink.

"And why don't you do the honors?"

Klink's eyes went wide as Hochstetter's words sunk in, and he nearly stumbled back into his chair.

"Unless of course, you'd like to join Colonel Hogan?" Hochstetter couldn't help but smirk at his ingenuity.

"Herr Kommandant," Schultz whispered, his hand resting on his heart. He tried to say more, but the words just weren't coming out.

Hogan just felt... numb. Everything that had happened had been a blur, from his initial capture to now, standing here in Klink's office. He was grateful this had been a solo mission though. He couldn't bear to see any of his men meet this fate.

But when Hochstetter had basically threatened to kill Klink if he didn't kill Hogan, he was suddenly paying very close attention. He honestly couldn't say what he'd rather Klink choose. On one hand, if Klink died what would happen to his men? Would they end up with a vicious kommandant that would treat them worse than any of them could have imagined? How would they fare? Could they keep the operation going?

Would they make it out of Stalag 13 alive?

On the other hand, Hogan wasn't quite sure how he felt about... well, dying. Sure, it had always been a possibility, but now it was actually happening. He didn't necessarily want to go out this way, but if his last act would be protecting his men in a way, so be it. He'd be more than happy to do so.

Klink was also fighting an inner battle. How could he bring himself to shoot one of his own prisoners? Especially one that he interacted with daily? He didn't think he could do it.

But then he also had to think of his other prisoners. What would happen to them if he was killed? Would they be treated well?

Klink had finally come to a decision, regrettable as it was.

"Very well, Major," Klink said. "Let us go outside and get this over with."

Klink calmly took the pistol from an incredulous Hochstetter and gently pushed Hogan in front of him, taking the opportunity to whisper in the American colonel's ear and attempt to explain himself.

"I'm sorry, Hogan. I truly am." Klink tried to speak as fast as he could, knowing Hochstetters's shock at his decision wouldn't last forever. "I do not wish to do this. But the other prisoners... I simply cannot risk them falling into the hands of Major Hochstetter or somebody worse, if that's even possible."

Klink braced himself for how Hogan would react. Not that Hogan was a selfish man, far from it. But given the stress of the situation and how uncharacteristically quiet he had been in the office, Klink didn't quite know what to expect.

"I was thinking the same thing," Hogan answered quietly. "I respect your decision, Colonel. Just... just make sure you don't miss," he finished with a half hearted chuckle.

"Hogan..." Klink began.

"There's nothing more to say, Klink. I hold nothing against you. Let's just get this over with, yeah?"

Hogan turned to face the door, but paused for a moment and turned around to face Klink once again.

"Take care of my men. Make sure they don't meet the same fate as me. Please. They have to make it home."

"Of course," was all Klink could manage.

Not that he had much time to say more, for Hochstetter came barging in not soon after.

"What are we standing around here for?" he shouted. "Let us not waste any more time."

☆☆☆

It was a grim scene at Stalag 13.

Hogan, a helpless standing target.

Klink, the reluctant killer-to-be.

Schultz, crying silently at Hogan’s fate.

And Hochstetter, all too happy to see all of these events unfold.

After all, it was to be the major's crowning moment. A capture he had been waiting what felt like a lifetime for. And on top of it all, he had been able to force Klink to be the one to pull the trigger.

Would Hochstetter have liked to be that man? Sure. Killing Hogan would be a great pleasure. But to have the kommandant do it, especially considering the two interacted daily and Klink was opposed to such violence, now that was even better.

Klink fiddled with the gun for a moment, making sure it was loaded, trying to stall for time. But in the end he knew it was useless. Hochstetter's voice soon confirmed that.

"What are you waiting for, Klink? Have you changed your mind and decided to join Hogan? Because I can happily arrange that," Hochstetter called out impatiently. He was getting tired of waiting.

"That will not be necessary," Klink answered tiredly, raising the pistol and aiming right at Hogan's heart.

Schultz couldn't bear to watch, so he turned away as tears continued to stream down his face. He knew why Klink was doing what he was doing, but he didn't know if he would ever be able to look at his commanding officer the same way ever again.

Hogan silently nodded at Klink, trying to reassure him that it was all going to be okay. Trying to assure him that he should not feel guilty, although he knew he would. Trying to assure him that Hochstter would not win in the end.

Klink nodded in return, but he knew this moment would haunt him for the rest of his life. There was no happy ending here. Only death, pain, and sorrow.

Klink took a deep breath and finally pulled the trigger.

Everything seemed to move in slow motion, and after what felt like an eternity the bullet finally struck Hogan. He stumbled backward a bit, before falling to his knees. Blood seeped from his chest and stained his white shirt. Then he finally collapsed and hit the dirt.

☆☆☆

That was always when Klink woke up, tangled up in his sheets and drenched in sweat. It was a recurring nightmare for him, although the victim wasn't always Hogan. Sometimes it was Newkirk, sometimes it was even young innocent Carter. But the ending was always the same, and it always left him feeling hopeless and even more resentful of the monster controlling his country. He was just grateful that he hadn't actually had to kill a prisoner. Although the fact they were only dreams wasn't much comfort.

He knew about Hogan's operation. And he knew that Hogan and his men were usually careful. But he couldn't help but think of the what ifs, which always seemed to manifest themselves into twisted nightmares that haunted Klink's sleep.

That was just proof of how high the stakes were in this war though, and while Klink was definitely proud to be helping Hogan, his men, and the Allies, he wished his mind would find better outlets for his anxiety.

"This cursed war is going to be the end of me," Klink grumbled as he sat up, glancing at the clock which read 0200.

But despite all this he couldn't say he regretted anything. He didn't regret Hogan gathering the courage to tell him about his operation. He didn't regret Hogan and his men asking for his help. He didn't regret saying yes.

Because this cause was worth fighting for. His country was worth fighting for. The fate of Europe and the world as a whole was worth fighting for.

And that was of great comfort to him.

☆☆☆

"Morning Kommandant," Hogan sloppily saluted as he walked into Klink's office.

"Good morning Colonel Hogan," Klink smiled. He was genuinely happy to see the man considering his nightmare from the night before.

"Long night? You look-"

"Exhausted? Defeated?"

"Well... yeah."

Klink remained silent for a moment, flashes of the nightmare playing through his head. "Let us just say that I did not sleep well."

Hogan recognized that look, that blank stare. He also had been in this war long enough to know what "I just didn't sleep well" meant. He also knew better than to outright ask about it, but he decided to offer his support anyway.

He traced the wood on Klink's desk, trying to choose his next words carefully. He didn't want to seem like he was prying, but he also wanted to seem genuine.

"If you ever need to vent, I'm here. I'm just a typical POW. I don't do much," Hogan smirked.

Klink couldn't help but chuckle. "Now we both know that is a lie."

"It was worth a shot." Hogan stood and started to leave the room but paused in the doorway. "I mean it though. I offer the same open door policy to my men. And since you're part of the team now... it applies to you too."

"Thank you, Hogan. I appreciate it. Perhaps I shall take you up on that offer another time. All this paperwork you know..." Klink trailed off and ended with a weak chuckle.

Klink knew it was a weak excuse, and so did Hogan. But Hogan also knew how to take a hint and decided to drop the subject for now. Klink would talk if or when he was ready.

"Well I'll let you get to it. It's a shame they're keeping the Iron Eagle cooped up with such menial tasks."

"Dismissed, Colonel Hogan."

"Too far? Yeah, I suppose you're right," Hogan joked, but then he took on a more serious note. "I meant everything I said though, Klink. If you ever need to talk, I'm here to listen."

Hogan finished with a nod and a somewhat awkward smile then finally left the room, leaving Klink alone with his thoughts.

Klink appreciated the gesture, he really did. But he wasn't sure if he'd ever be able to open up about those nightmares. It was unnerving to see what his mind could come up with at times, but it helped to know he had true friends that wanted to help him.

He had a lot of progress to make, he knew that, but for now that small comfort was enough. He just hoped it'd get him through this bloody war.

[artofmyart]

Sketchaday #water

Werner Klemperer as Kommandant Klink is drinking heavy water in S1E9 of Hogan’s Heroes.

#100facechallenge

[anna-pineappel]

for fanfic writer ask game: ❤️ What is your favorite line that you’ve written in a fic?

I was already asked this one, but I have many favourite lines, so I’ll answer with another one! 😊This time from Walk Through Fire:

Hogan got up from his chair, only to kneel in from of Klink. “Also every time you call me ‘Dear Colonel Hogan’ it drives me wild. Herr Kommandant.”

I love how Klink calls Hogan ‘my dear Colonel Hogan’ in canon! 💖 And having Hogan call Klink ‘Herr Kommandant’, especially in smut scenes is perfection! 🤌✨

[belphegor1982]

Fake fic title:

Stand Your Ground

Ooh, you know what? I can see something centred on Klink, who usually has about as much spine as a wet towel - I'd love to see what it takes for him to actually make a brave decision. Back that dude into a corner he has to get out of himself (RIP) and actually make it? With Hogan unable to pull strings and scheme to pull his fat out of the fire?? I know that's even more unbelievable than 80% of the shenanigans they get up to in the show but yeah, Kommandant Klink growing a spine and doing something decent for ten minutes - and getting away with it. And then ending on something ridiculous happening to him because this is Klink we're talking about, after all :D

[meatsouuuuup]

Klink: I can’t believe it, Hogan. You played me like a fiddle!

Hogan: Oh no, Kommandant. Fiddles are actually difficult to play. I played you like the cheap kazoo you are.

[sgtandrewcarter]

We should start giving the rats that come through camp a home. Kommandant Klink's office seems like a good place for them!

[auxiliarydetective]

OC Pride Challenge: Day 25

You can find the challenge here

Today's prompt is Truth and who better to use this prompt for than the person living under a fake identity, Vicky aka Viktoria Brandt aka Zoe Allen?

It was a hot summer day at Stalag 13 and the prisoners were all wearing only the bare minimum of their uniforms, about as many hiding in the shadow of the barracks as there were enjoying the sun. Vicky, in an attempt to protect herself from the scorching rays, was sporting her newest hat - beautiful but not too attention-grabbing. She stood on the porch of the Kommandantur, overlooking the camp with a soft smile on her face. The door to the Kommandantur opened and Helga came out.

“Vicky?”

“Yes?”

“The Kommandant was wondering if you’d like some lemonade,” Helga told her.

“Lemonade? Always, always,” Vicky replied with a smile.

So, she came inside, taking off her hat and hanging it on the clothes rack. She followed Helga into the Kommandant’s office where Klink had already prepared multiple glasses.

“Ah, Frau Brandt!” he said with a smile. “I knew you wouldn’t say no to lemonade. If there’s one thing we Germans do well, it’s lemonade.”

“What about wars?” Vicky asked, more out of reflex of playing her character than anything.

“Wars, of course, wars,” Klink quickly threw in, pouring her a glass of lemonade.

The three of them clicked their glasses together and drank their lemonade. It was nice and cold, perfect for this kind of weather. On top of that, it reminded Anita of home. Her family had a country home and on that house’s property were multiple lemon trees. Their butler made the best lemonade on the planet from the lemons of those trees.

“You grew up in England, didn’t you?” Helga asked Vicky.

“Yes, I did,” Vicky replied. “But I prefer living in Germany.”

What a lie. There was only one good thing about Germany and that was her friends. And sometimes nature, maybe. But everything else, politics, the war… Klink wasn’t half bad, neither was Schultz or Langenscheidt or Helga. Vicky almost felt bad for lying to them with every breath she took.

Shortly after, the prisoners were gathered for roll call. Once everyone was dismissed, Vicky waited for a few minutes, then headed for barracks 2. When she opened the door, she found LeBeau at the stove, fixing up a meal, and Carter and Kinch at the table, playing cards.

“Hi, Vicky!” Carter called excitedly. “That’s some heat, huh?”

“Yes, absolutely,” Vicky sighed, taking off her hat and fanning herself with it. “I much prefer the English summer.”

“Nice hat!”

“Thank you.”

“Wanna play with us?” Kinch asked.

“No thanks. You always beat me, I really need to save up my luck before I try to beat you again. - Where’s Newkirk?”

“Oh, that’s why you’re here,” LeBeau remarked suggestively. “He’s in the tunnels. Once you get back up here, I’ll be done, too.”

“Alright, thank you. You’re a sweetheart, LeBeau.”

“Go meet your boyfriend.”

“You know he’s not my boyfriend,” Vicky reminded him as she walked over to the bunk hiding the tunnel entrance.

“He could be if he was brave enough,” LeBeau commented.

“You know Colonel Hogan wouldn’t approve,” was the last thing Vicky said before climbing down into the cool tunnels.

That was the sad truth. Colonel Hogan thought it was too dangerous for them to be together. After all, Vicky had a husband and it was vital to them that that stayed that way. On top of that, they both couldn’t afford to be distracted. But they were good at acting like they weren’t in love when the situation called for it. When it didn’t, however…

Vicky spotted Newkirk in his workshop from afar, standing with his back turned to her. A smile across her face, she snuck up to him from behind, wrapping her arms around him.

“You really aren’t very subtle with your ‘eels, love,” Newkirk murmured. “I could ‘ear you all the way from the entrance.”

“Oh, come on, you could at least act like I surprised you,” Vicky complained, letting him go.

But Newkirk took her hands and turned around, pulling her closer by the waist.

“Sorry, it’s just I always pay attention to ‘eels, just in case my princess comes to visit. Nice ‘at, by the way.”

“Thank you, I bought it just last week. I figured you might like it.”

She stood on her toes to kiss him, tasting a faint hint of tobacco on his lips.

“So, why are you ‘ere?” Newkirk asked. “Just to see lil’ ol’ me?”

“Just to see you,” Vicky confirmed. “And maybe to hide from the heat.”

“Terrible, innit? I’ve been in Germany for a while now and I still can’t stand this blasted ‘eat.”

“And why are you here? Hiding from the heat too?”

“That’s why I’m stalling. But the reason I came down ‘ere is because Carter tore ‘is uniform and I don’t ‘ave the right yarn up in the barracks for whatever reason.”

“You probably used it all.”

Newkirk kissed her forehead, then pulled himself free and looked through his assortment of yarns, digging through his sewing crate.

“Peter, dear, can I ask you something?” Vicky said quietly, watching him search.

“Anything, love,” Newkirk replied.

“Do you think the Germans will be mad if they ever find out the truth?”

“You mean Klink, Schultz and the lot?”

“Yes.”

“They won’t find out.”

“But once this whole war is over, once the infantry comes marching in here, won’t we tell them?”

“Maybe, maybe not. But if we do tell ‘em, we’ve gotta be careful Schultz doesn’t faint,” Newkirk said with a grin.

Vicky chuckled lightly. “Right, you’re right. But I guess this whole problem is a question for another day, isn’t it? For now, I’d rather think about what LeBeau is cooking.”

[katb357]

Falling for Hogan’s Heroes

27. Lashing out/built up frustration: Knowing Something

Wilhelm Klink was frustrated. Colonel Hogan had been in and out of his office all day driving him crazy. Of course, that was no different from any other day, except that General Burkhalter had also been there for several hours, berating and belittling him as usual. It was a lot for a man to take. And Klink had finally had enough. As soon as he had kicked Hogan out of his office for the final time that afternoon, he had instructed Hilda to finish up her work and close the office. He had gone out the door, and headed to the Kommandantur early, much to the surprise of the guard at the door of his office. He was sure Hogan was surprised as well, since he knew the men from Barracks Two were likely watching his every move.

Once inside his home, he poured himself a generous tot of Schnapps and sank down into his favorite chair. He brooded for a while, then decided to fix himself a meal. Perhaps that would lighten his mood. He went to the icebox and rummaged around, finally deciding on some leftover schnitzel and noodles. He poured a glass of wine to go with the food and ate it while listening to some classical music. He kept the volume down, because one never knew who was listening in, and so many musical artists were being banned these days it was hard to keep track.

Klink knew he should ready himself for bed, but he was still wound up tight due to his frustration over the day’s events. It was then he remembered something his mother used to do when he was young. Whenever she was angry or upset she would write a letter pouring out all her frustration and hurt onto the paper. She would show it to no one. And then when she was finished, she would burn the paper in the fireplace. She always said she felt much better afterwards. Perhaps the same exercise would work for him.

And so he sat down at his desk and began writing. He wrote quickly and badly…with a number of misspellings. It didn’t matter. No one would judge him. He poured the words from his soul straight onto the paper. He wrote about how he hated Burkhalter’s smarmy smirk, and how he felt like a bug under Hochstetter’s icy glare. How it angered him that he was not quicker on his feet… that he always thought of the proper solutions to problems too late. He knew others thought of him as a simp. How he hated his father for making him so afraid all his childhood! How could he know what a real man was like when he had no good example to follow?

On and on he wrote… for over an hour. He wrote about how he both admired and despised Colonel Hogan for being the great leader he was. He was envious of him and yet wished he were more like him in some ways. Klink had never been admired for anything in his life, and he wanted that so desperately, he clung to the fallacy that he was a great Kommandant. He knew better. He knew that somehow it was Hogan and his men that were running the camp. He didn’t know how, and he didn’t want to know how. But… he knew.

Finally, it was all out on paper. And Wilhelm Klink felt drained and exhausted. He picked up the letter, crumpled it up without reading it, and tossed it into the cheerfully burning fire. After it was nothing but ashes, he banked the fire and went to bed. He slept a dreamless sleep that night.

The End

[frau-wilhelm-klink]

To be perfectly fair, Klink opened the door for that one.

[hogansheroestournament]

How to Win Friends and Influence Nazis (s3 e7): Hogan tempts a Swedish scientist to defect.

Reverend Kommandant Klink (s2 e25): When Hochstetter works to lower a French pilot's resistance to interrogation, Hogan brings the man's fiancee to camp to have Klink marry them.

[frau-wilhelm-klink]

Well, I finally got around to doing these! It's a little long – and some of my takes may be unpopular – but these are still my headcanons🤷🏻‍♀️ (Had to make a few minor edits to 'em now that I'm properly awake, though.) So without further ado, buckle up and take a peek under the cut!

The Germans

Schultz:

1) Is definitely not a Nazi! Cases can be made for him being both neutral and pro-Allied, but I like to think of him as neutral. He isn't a man who's into politics or anything like that, he just wants his toy factory back.

2) Low-key thinks of Hogan and his team as additional nephews, so does his best to be somewhat responsible while still being the fun uncle.

3) Has privately asked Hogan off screen to make sure he, his family and Klink aren't blamed and/or arrested for crimes they didn't commit after the war. Schultz doesn't think that would happen...but given everything that went down after World War I with the Treaty of Versailles, he isn't taking any chances.

______

Hochstetter:

1) Is a hardcore, unapologetic Nazi who hates the Geneva Convention's very existence. Only tolerates it because of Klink's insistence that his prisoners be treated humanely, and despite the disrespect he shows the kommandant, Hochstetter is aware he's outranked.

2) Has gotten to the point where he's obsessed about Hogan more than a teenager with a celebrity crush. Like, he's just a legitimate stalker at this point🤣 Hochstetter is determined to prove Hogan is Papa Bear at any cost, if for no other reason then so his superiors will stop assuming he's not mentally all the way there.

3) Is very good at his job, surprisingly enough! Hochstetter makes a damned fine detective when he's not dealing with anything involving - or potentially involving - Stalag 13. Fortunately for the boys, he tends to let his hatred and obsession with Hogan blind him to a lot of things, resulting in him dropping the ball on more than one occasion. (Most notably, the episode with Group Captain Roberts.) Of course, Hogan being able to play him like a fiddle doesn't help Hochstetter's case either.

______

Gertrude Linkmeyer:

1) Knows in her heart of hearts that her husband Otto is probably dead. As Burkhalter once told her, that's usually what 'missing in action' at the Russian Front means. But Gertrude won't ever admit that out loud because as long as she keeps denying it, she can hold on to the fragile hope that he might still be alive. Is still internally grieving for him nonetheless, though.

2) Contrary to popular belief, doesn't actually want a romantic relationship with Klink. She likes him and thinks he's cute, but she's mature enough to know you need more than that to be happy in a relationship. However, Gertrude is going along with her brother's attempts to force the pair into marriage for two reasons.

She can see Klink appears to be somewhat naïve in a few ways, and she wants to protect him from women who would use him...of which there have been a few. As stated above, Gertrude genuinely does like him as a person in his own right, so she figures a platonic marriage of convenience would be the best way to accomplish that goal. (He would also be much safer too - nobody in their right mind is gonna risk Burkhalter raining his wrath down on them because they messed with his sister's husband.) But Klink keep pushing her away because he doesn't realize what she's trying to do. It's very much a 'I'm trying to help you here, dummkopf!' kinda vibe.

Gertrude knows Burkhalter (supposedly) barely tolerates Klink, and it baffles her as to why he would constantly try to shove them together at all in that case. The tension alone would make the holidays a living hell. But she says nothing, choosing to obey his wishes like a dutiful sister should. Gertrude is smart enough to see the grave error in judgment Burkhalter's made for himself; she's just waiting for her brother to figure it out after it's too late so she can have the last laugh.

3) Actively 'wears Burkhalter's rank' (aka uses the 'My brother is a general' card) to get things done if she really wants to. Has also used her relationship with Burkhalter behind the scenes to keep him from sending Klink off to the Front on several occasions for the reasons listed above.

******

The POWs/Allies

Kinch:

1) Is the majority brain cell holder, and therefore the only one who has a hope in hell of stopping Hogan when he gets on a roll.

2) Is on a first-name basis with Hogan in private because the two of them are friends. Nevertheless, Kinch only uses that privilege when he really needs to get Hogan's attention...usually for something critical.

3) Is utterly fascinated by all types of communicative technology. Radios, telephones, TVs...you name it, Kinch is interested in learning more about how it works.

______

LeBeau:

1) Is a mother hen whenever anyone is sick - especially Newkirk and Hogan - because he knows they don't take proper care of themselves. Will deliberately wait until Newkirk is too sick to protest, then shove foods that are extra French down his throat as part of their friendly ongoing French-English rivalry.

2) Is perpetually miffed by Hogan's blatant refusal to let him and Newkirk go on Nazi-killing sprees. Legitimately wonders if Hogan has actually lost his mind on occasion as well.

3) Gets frustrated sometimes because he doesn't understand all the references (such as sayings, terms, etc) to American culture in the barracks. Relies heavily on Kinch (and to an extent, Hogan) to explain them to him.

______

Newkirk:

1) Hates any and all authority figures with a passion, due to having had all of them treat him like dirt because he's poor. Hogan is the one exception to that rule - Newkirk would do anything for his CO if asked. He appreciates how Hogan sees him as a person and values him for his skills, as opposed to his financial status.

2) Will never admit it out loud, but is a serious worrywart, especially when it comes to Carter or LeBeau.

3) Would rather die than ever admit he needs help. Newkirk was raised to believe every bit of help comes with a price, which is why he's extremely hesitant to ever ask for even the smallest thing.

______

Wilson:

1) Dearly wishes Hogan would give him some advance warning whenever the team goes out on missions so he can go to bed earlier. That would be much appreciated, considering he often gets dragged out of bed to patch up one or more of them at all hours of the night. It's one of the reasons he's a grumpy, salty medic. (The other part is because everyone always gives him lip and he's sick of it.) He's trying to help them stay healthy; the least they could do is be grateful!

2) Would absolutely sedate Newkirk and/or Hogan - and in his CO's case, has threatened to do so more than once - if need be. Literally keeps two small containers of makeshift anesthesia he had Carter whip up set aside with Hogan and Newkirk's names on it, just in case.

3) Has zero qualms about taking advantage of the fact that a medic's orders override anyone else's, including Hogan's. Every time the colonel gets sick, the two go through a similar song and dance.

Hogan insists he's "perfectly fine" (even if he sounds like death warmed over) and tries to leave to take care of his men.

Wilson tells him to stay put.

Hogan declines and says he's leaving.

Wilson tells him to stay put again, followed by threatening to have Schultz hold him down on the infirmary bed while he (Wilson) ties him to it.

Hogan indignantly squawks something to the effect of, "You wouldn't dare!"

Wilson - who has an evil little smile by this point - replies, "With all due respect, sir, try me. Either you can willingly stay put until I clear you to leave, or you'll be doing it involuntarily. Medic's orders. So, what's it gonna be, Colonel?"

Hogan reluctantly gives in.

Wilson chalks up another win, all while questioning his life choices and mentally bemoaning the fact he has the world's worst patient for a commanding officer.

______

Crittendon:

1) Isn't as stupid as he appears to be. Didn't buy his rank - that would imply he's not talented enough to earn it on his own, and he would see that as an insult. Even if he had, Crittendon would be hard-pressed to keep it if he was truly that big a screw up. Nepotism only gets you so far. Plays the fool on purpose so people will let their guard down around him, thereby enabling him to make multiple escape attempts. Unfortunately, he's pretty lousy at escapes, so he always gets recaptured.

2) Genuinely means well, but still manages to mess things up. Part of it is because he's too into his role of the idiot officer; the other part of it is being easily distracted. Has deliberately interfered with Hogan's plans more than once as well. Crittendon is a veteran of WWI, so he feels he's the only one of the POWs who knows how to fight a war properly. He sees it as his duty to educate them how things should be done.

3) Was still mentally stuck in WWI the first time he was captured. At some point between his transfer out of Stalag 13 and his next appearance there, Crittendon realized the Nazis have no honor, and that the rules of WWI have all but been chucked out the window. This explains why he did a 180° shift in attitude regarding Hogan's operation. Went from a 'Oh dear, you poor, misguided Yank...you really have no clue how to fight a war properly, do you? Let me teach you how the game is played' vibe to a 'Right, Jerry may not have any honor now, but I still know better than you, old boy. More war experience and all that, wot wot?' one.

______

Marya:

1) Is, essentially, the female version of Hogan. She's just as smart as he is. But in a era where a woman's opinion holds less weight, she has to get creative with her scheming. Plus, Marya likes keeping Hogan on his toes. Not only does it ensure her wits stay sharp, it gives her great joy to frustrate him to no end solely for the entertainment value.

2) Also enjoys making over-complicated plans, same as Hogan does. Sure, she could level with him about what she wants to do from the start, but where's the fun in that?😂 She wouldn't tell him everything anyway; she's smart enough to know you should never put all your eggs in one basket. Marya is well aware Hogan is a great leader, but she also knows firsthand from life in the USSR that even the strongest leaders can fall, and she doesn't want to be caught in the backlash if that happens.

3) Is hardcore crushing on Hogan. (Can't blame her for that; he is very handsome.) Tries to let him know - and thereby enable him to make the first move - by flirting with him constantly. When that doesn't work, Marya begins doing the same thing with LeBeau, trying to make Hogan jealous enough to kiss her and mark her as his woman...which eventually works. Persistence for the win!

The rest of my headcanons about Schultz and Newkirk can be found on this document, along with my ones of Klink, Burkhalter, Hogan and Carter.

Also, if anyone is interested, I did write out Klink’s experiences in both wars. It's told via flashback, however, which is why it abruptly jumps from World War I to World War II.

What are your top 3 headcanons for Hogan's Heroes in general?

What are your top 3 headcanons for each character?

[whatisthismandoinghere]

For the drabbles prompt:

"Tell Me" - Klink confessing to Hogan he knows about the operation after the events of a near-disasterous plan involving both of them.

Alternatively, you can make it a missing scene between the time Hogan left the Hofbrau and the time Klink is yelling at him and Schultz in the Kommandantur.

Thanks for the ask!! Again we are going to ignore the fact that this is way longer than a drabble 😂 I went ahead and included your hcs about WW1 Klink too so I hope you enjoy pally!

**Side note: this all takes place right after the scene in S1.EP13 Hogan’s Hofbrau when Klink comes to the hofbrau and finds Hogan and his men there and Hogan ends up having the 5000 marks Klink had “pledged” to the Beautify Berchtesgaden fund**

“Some people can sit around drinking beer, I have a prisoner of war camp to run,” Hogan quipped. “Gentlemen,” he saluted as he turned to leave. But he wasn’t going to get off that easy.

“Come to think of it, I have some paperwork that I need to finish up, so I think I’ll join the major back at the stalag,” Klink said as he stood up, raising an eyebrow slightly at Hogan.

Klink’s mannerisms were making Hogan nervous, and he wasn’t quite sure what game he was playing, but he didn’t want to find out.

“Stay a while and enjoy yourself, Kommandant,” Hogan insisted. “We have everything under control. Besides, you’ve earned a night out.”

“No, I really need to get some work done. We also need to discuss a couple things when we get back to my office.”

Uh-oh. Alarm bells were going off in Hogan’s head, and he felt like he was trapped in a corner with no way out. 

“Looks like you’ve got yourself into some trouble with your Kommandant,” Milheiser chuckled. “Perhaps we can meet some other time.”

“Perhaps.” Hogan put on a fake smile as he and Klink said their final goodbyes and escorted the other heroes out the door. Yeah, perhaps if I don’t end up in front of a firing squad tomorrow morning, Hogan thought grimly to himself.

“What on earth do you think you are doing parading around as a German officer working at my camp?!” Klink shouted as the door shut.

***

The trip back to Stalag 13 had been completely silent, but as soon as Klink and Hogan were alone in Klink’s office, that quickly changed.

“Well…” Hogan began.

“Don’t answer that. I already know,” Klink sighed as he took a seat at his desk, resting his head in his hands.

Hogan was left standing there with his mouth slightly agape at Klink’s reply. What did he mean he already knew? That couldn’t mean what Hogan thought it meant, could it?

Klink glanced up to find a very confused and slightly worried Hogan staring back at him, and Klink knew he had slipped up. He hadn’t meant to let on that he knew about Hogan’s operation, but there was no backtracking now. Hogan was too smart for that.

“I know you were getting information on the Adolf Hitler Division. That was my assignment too.”

“Your assignment?” Hogan could barely get the words out in his shock.

“Yes, I’ve been collecting information for the Allies since 1938 - please let me finish before you start bombarding me with questions.” Klink held up his hand at the sight of Hogan opening his mouth again. “The incident with the Beautify Berchtesgaden fund caused some unprecedented issues though. Thank you for covering for me by the way.”

“You’re welcome,” Hogan said hoarsely. He still couldn’t quite process what he was hearing. Why hadn’t London ever informed them of this?

“I bet you’re wondering why London never informed you?” Klink asked.

Could the man read minds now? Hogan thought to himself. This night was just getting weirder and weirder. Hogan just nodded in response.

“They figured that the less you knew-”

“The less we’d talk if we were captured,” Hogan finished. “Standard procedure.”

The two sat in silence for a moment, Hogan fiddling absentmindedly with the top of Klink’s Pickelhaube that sat on his desk. After sorting through his thoughts some, Hogan finally spoke again:

“How did you end up working for the Allies?”

“Well, when Hitler became chancellor in 1933, I just had this- this feeling that something wasn’t quite right. Oh, everything was done perfectly legally of course, with the chancellorship being handed to him, but something didn’t sit right with me.”

“Boy did you call that,” Hogan cut in.

“Yes, unfortunately,” Klink sighed. “But there wasn’t much I could do at the moment, so I just waited, and things continued to get worse. There was the passing of the Nuremberg laws, Kristallnacht, it was a nightmare.”

Klink paused for a moment, and Hogan started to notice just how tired he looked. Dark circles under his eyes, worry lines across his forehead, and his movements were overall sluggish. Watching his country turn into what it is now had definitely taken its toll on Klink, and for once Hogan felt, not pity, but sympathy for the man and what he had been through.

“I’m sorry,” was all Hogan could think to say.

“So am I,” Klink let out a hollow chuckle. “But then I got to thinking…” A slightly mischievous look crept into Klink’s eyes, and Hogan couldn’t help but appreciate it, being somewhat of a troublemaker himself. “I was a colonel in the Luftwaffe. I had access to so much information, information that could be useful once war inevitably broke out. I had a few connections from World War One, British friends I had made as a POW that I had kept in touch with. Yes, you heard that right,” Klink added at the sight of the quizzical look on Hogan’s face.

Hogan held up a finger and opened his mouth as if to say something, but then seemed to change his mind as he settled for a shrug and gestured for Klink to go on.

“One thing led to another, and what started out as just small bits and pieces of information evolved into what you see now.” Klink finished unceremoniously.

“Did you always know about the operation?” Hogan asked.

“Yes,” Klink answered sheepishly. “My job was to help you in any way I could, draw attention away from you, and not let you know what I knew. I’m sorry.”

Hogan sat there for a moment, thinking about all he had just been told. To tell the truth, he had been kind of angry at first, but now that he thought about it, he was impressed. Klink of all people playing spy for the Allies. Hogan couldn’t help but start laughing.

Klink was a bit confused at this reaction and wasn’t quite sure how to respond. He was relieved when Hogan recovered from his laughing fit and held out a hand to him though. Klink accepted the handshake and took it as a good sign.

“Welcome to the team, Kommandant,” Hogan smiled. 

“Thank you, Colonel. Though I’ve been here longer than you have, so may I make some suggestions?”

“You’re not satisfied with the way I run my operation?”

“Not exactly. Now don’t get me wrong, you and your men do fine work, but what kind of name is Hoople? And who do you think you’re fooling walking around with a name like Hoganmuller? It’s lazy. We really should start working on your German…”

[angrytreemartensmain]

Casting

Casting Hogan’s Heroes X Undertale AUs Crossover I need yall’s help on which Sans AUs would best replace the main characters of Hogan’s Heroes!