#Kiss kiss ilu!!! Needed to get this out before I left lol

[fateprotected]

@owedfavors | plotted

She can't tell if it's separation or her imagination that has her running hot and cold. Pris is grateful she doesn't need to sleep, that adrenaline can keep her focused as she tries to feel out her part to play.

Calm and cool. Nevermind the violence, the death that lingers metallic at the back of her tongue. Nevermind the surprises, bitter reflections slightly out of place. Or more than slightly.

She'd have been proud to see Una captain her. Maybe she still will be. For now, she needs to keep from being caught out. So she props a hip against the door to her quarters, turning to face the other woman with a cruel smirk and eyes she hopes stay cold. Judgement. For now, that's all she'll feel.

"You've been awfully clingy, lately. Is there something I should know?"

Beloved, she doesn't add. Couldn't add. She doubts it would suit the version of her who belongs here, anyway.

[bookworm551]

Of Duty and Desire | Chapter 3 | Neteyam x Metkayina!reader

A/N: Sorry this took so long! I literally rewrote this like three times before I figured out what I wanted. Hopefully the next part will be a lot easier for me lol. Again, thanks for the love I got on the last chapters, and to everyone who left a comment under them, you get a little kiss on the forehead (consentually)

Word count: 7.5k (I literally cut out like 700 words too)

Chapter 1    Chapter 2 Chapter 4 Chapter 5 Chapter 6 Epilogue

"That wasn't fair!"

You laughed at Lo'ak as he came up on his ilu behind you, looking a little sour at your victory. You slid off of your own ilu into the waist-high water and shrugged casually. "It is not my fault you took the long way," you told him with a smug grin. He huffed at you. "Only because I didn't know there was a short way," he muttered.

The two of you had been out that morning collecting sea grass to make more ropes, a never-ending demand in the reef. After gathering as much as you could pack, you had suggested a friendly race back to the village, and Lo'ak, powerless to resist a challenge, had agreed. Now, he was wallowing bitterly in your victory wake.

The two of you waded up towards the beach, and to your delight, you spotted Neteyam not far off. "Neteyam!" you called out to him, making him pause to see who was calling. "Your brother is a sore loser." Lo'ak huffed in annoyance. "Only because she cheats," he countered loudly.

As you approached Neteyam, you could make out a small smile on his face. "That is a bold accusation, brother," he replied, stepping over to where you were emerging from the water. You grinned up at him. "A bold accusation," you repeated, "and a false one."

Neteyam turned to his brother and shot him a smirk. "So, you resort to false accusations when you lose?" he questioned with a disproving shake of his head. "That's low."

Lo'ak scoffed at his brother.  "Of course, you're taking her side," he said, switching to English so you wouldn't understand. "You're so obvious, it's pathetic." His words made Neteyam's lofty smile disappear immediately, and he gave his brother a warning look. "Don't," he said quietly in response.

Your eyes flicked back and forth between the two brothers. Whatever Lo'ak had said to Neteyam seemed to cut him, but you had no idea what it was. To diffuse the tension between them, you asked, "Neteyam, would you like to help us with some braiding? We collected plenty of sea grass for ropes, and we could use the help."

He looked away from Lo'ak to you. He seemed to hesitate for a moment before shaking his head and responding, "I can't, I have something I must do for my father." You nodded in understanding, but you couldn't deny the twinge of disappointment you felt.

It seemed to you that you were seeing Neteyam less and less every day. Usually, he was always stopping by the center of the village where you spent most of your time to talk or see if you needed anything, but lately, he seemed preoccupied with something, you just weren't sure what.

He seemed to pick up on your disappointment because he offered you a small smile and said, "I will next time, I promise." You smiled back and nodded. "I will hold you to it," you told him as he started making his way across the beach again.

You watched Neteyam walk off for a moment before turning back to Lo'ak. "What did you say to him?" You asked in curiosity. Lo'ak shook his head. "Don't worry about it," he replied. "I was just making fun of him." In truth, Lo'ak felt a little guilty about what he had said to his brother, seeing in hindsight that his response to Neteyam's jokes was a bit harsh. However, he shrugged it off knowing that he was right and that his brother wouldn't hold it against him for long.

For the rest of the day, you went without seeing Neteyam until the evening meal. He and his siblings always sat with you and your friends as you ate and talked amongst yourselves. That night, your conversation focused on the exciting events of the next day.

Now that the waters had grown warm again, and now that you were finally of age, you, Aonung, and other young Metkayina clan members prepared for the final trial of Iknimaya—learning to ride a skimwing. You were eager for the challenge, and eager to prove yourself worthy of your first tattoo.

"I don't see what all the fuss is about," Lo'ak said skeptically. "They can't be that bad." You and your other Metkayina friends all shared an amused look. "Don't think we forgot about the first time you rode an ilu," Aonung laughed. "I can't wait to see you try to ride a skimwing next year."

Lo'ak rolled his eyes as you all laughed at him. "Very funny," he said, sounding not at all amused. "But tomorrow, I get to watch you guys make fools of yourselves." You shook your head with a grin. "I appreciate the confidence you have in us," you told him sarcastically. "I know you wouldn't want us to fail, especially not your own brother." Lo'ak smiled wryly at you. "Right," he agreed. "Especially not my brother."

Tuk perked up. "Neteyam, you get to ride the skimwings tomorrow?" She asked excitedly. Neteyam, who had been eating silently most of the night, was pulled from his thoughts at his sister's question and nodded in affirmation. "Neteyam is old enough to learn to ride a skimwing," Tsireya explained to her, "but he cannot gain a tattoo and prove himself a warrior until he has bonded with a tulkun."

Tuk looked a little disappointed for her brother and quietly uttered a sad, "Oh." Neteyam shrugged casually at her. "It's okay," he said reassuringly. "I have already completed the demands of the Iknimaya for Omatikaya. By rights, I am already a warrior."

You all paused in surprise. "I didn't know that," you said thoughtfully. "This whole time, you have been proven?" Everybody watched Neteyam as he nodded nonchalantly, apparently not realizing that his Metkayina friends had made a new discovery about him.

"So, you can choose a mate then?" Aonung asked with interest. His question made you pause your eating. You looked over at Neteyam and watched his reaction closely. "That is my right," he replied simply, keeping his eyes trained on his plate as he answered.

Aonung smirked at him. "So, has anybody caught your eye?" He questioned teasingly. "Or are our women not good enough for the son of Toruk Makto?" The boys all chuckled together, and one of them added, "Maybe he had someone back in the forest."

That comment made you look back down at your plate. Their teasing caused your stomach to twist. You had never considered the possibility that Neteyam could find a mate so soon, and you definitely hadn't thought about the fact that maybe there was someone special he had left behind, someone he would want to go back for. The idea made you feel sick, and what was worse was that you definitely should not be feeling like this.

Neteyam's silence only made you feel worse as the boys continued joking with each other. It was totally plausible that Neteyam would have someone. Aside from being the son of one of the most famed Na'vi in history, he was smart, caring, kind, and handsome. Even if he didn't already have someone, it was only a matter of time before someone caught his attention.

You were somewhat relieved when the conversation turned back to riding skimwings. You reminded yourself that there were far more important things than dwelling on Neteyam's love life, and those things were much more relevant to your future than whether or not Neteyam was searching for a mate.

That first day of skimwing training, everybody made a fool of themselves, which made it a little easier to deal with. Riding a skimwing was a lot harder than riding an ilu. They were much more sensitive to stimuli and required a lot of focus, as was proven with your first attempt at riding them.

The wind blew through your hair as you and your skimwing rose above the water, and you were reminded of the feeling of flying on Neteyam's ikran. The memory of his hand on your thigh as you turned through the air popped into your mind, and immediately, the skimwing took advantage of your momentary distraction to twist to the right and quickly dive back into the water.

Every day, however, you all became a little bit better at riding. Everyone lasted longer and had better control of their mounts than the day before, but you noticed Neteyam was still having trouble adjusting to the skimwings. After one of his many unplanned dismounts, Jake had pulled him aside and spoke quietly to him in English. "You need to get your head out of the clouds and focus," he had told him. "Don't let her become a distraction, you're better than that."

You didn't know what he was saying, but whatever it was, Jake's words definitely fueled Neteyam's determination because he stopped joking around with you during the lessons. It made them less fun, but with time, you all became more proficient at riding.

The real challenge came after nearly three weeks of rigorous training with skimwings. To prove your proficiency, bravery, and unity, you and the other initiates must successfully hunt one of the most dangerous animals in the water—the akula.

The morning of the hunt, you all rode out past the reef on your skimwings. There were a couple of adults that came along to observe the final step of your Iknimaya, but they were strictly forbidden from interfering, including Tonowari.

It took a while of searching, but Aonung was the first to spot it. It was difficult to see, but in the deep blue water, the shadow of the akula was moving slowly beneath you. You looked over at Aonung, and he signed at your group, 'I will bring it up to the rocks.' You all nodded in understanding. Even though you were all facing this challenge together, you knew that Aonung would be taking charge as a demonstration of his leadership skills.

The way divers killed akula was by luring them towards closely-set rocks like the ones nearby to prevent them from having much space to attack. Then, a few divers needed to entangle its tail in the net to keep it from swimming away. The hardest part was the killing blow. Akula were covered in hard-plated armor with few weak points, but the safest bet was to stab it with a spear right behind where its jaws unhinged to open, effectively puncturing its tough skeleton.

You watched anxiously as Aonung swam out away from the rest of you on his skimwing. Giving you all a final nod, he took a small fish from out of his saddle pack and sliced it open. The akula reacted almost instantly. It made a wide, slow circle around to face the direction of the blood. Aonung watched and waited from afar, preparing himself to take off at a moment's notice.

You glanced over to your right. Neteyam was not far off, and he seemed to notice you looking. He offered a reassuring smile before you realized that Aonung taking off towards the rocks. The akula was charging toward the scent of blood in the water, prompting you and the rest of the initiates to spring into action.

You followed after the large predator with a net in hand. Aonung had circled around to face the akula as he came near the scattered rocks that rose all the way up to the surface of the water. The akula continued swimming after him, heedless of the large jutting stones. Aonung weaved around them with speed and precision, outmaneuvering the beast.

You managed to catch up to them first, and you cast your net over the rapidly moving fin that propelled the akula forward. You pulled hard, causing the animal to falter in its chase. Its body was too stocky to reach around to attack you, and soon enough, others joined in with their nets and began pulling as well.

It began thrashing viciously and snapped its jaws with wild desperation. Aonung took the opportunity now that it was fairly immobilized to run his spear through the weak point behind the jaws. The creature recoiled violently, but it still moved weakly. On the other side, you watched Neteyam bring his own spear up and stab it through the weak point on the other side of its head.

This time, the creature gave a weak shudder before going limp. Your relief was overwhelming, as was your excitement. With this hunt being a success, you had now completed your Iknimaya. You were now fully Metkayina, and you had earned your tattoo.

You and the others who had their nets on the akula pulled it up toward the surface. When you all broke above the water, you immediately began laughing together in excitement. You saw Aonung and Neteyam side-by-side with matching smiles as they clasped each other's arms in celebration.

Tonowari came up to the surface with a proud grin on his face. "You have done well," he called out to you all. "I am very proud of you all.”

The village greeted you all eagerly as your skimwings hauled the akula back to the reef. People immediately worked to bring in its body to be prepared for use as both food and tools. Ronal was there as well, and she smiled at you all proudly. "You have now earned your first tattoo," she told your group. "Come with me."

Aonung went first. You all waited eagerly outside of Ronal's tent, and the three younger Sully siblings and Tsireya joined you to hear about your hunt. You recounted how the akula chased after Aonung through the rocks and how it required both him and Neteyam together to be killed.

It felt like no time at all had passed before Aonung stepped out again. You all gasped in amazement at the tattoo cresting his brow bone. It was similar in design and placement to Ronal's own forehead tattoo, and it symbolized strong leadership and wisdom. Ronal watched as you and your friends showered her son with compliments before holding out a hand to beckon you in.

Tsireya gave your hand a reassuring squeeze and smiled as you stepped up to follow her mother. Inside, you lay down on the cot in front of Ronal. By her side, there was a large bowl of black ink and several long sticks with varying tips attached to the ends. She brushed your hair away from your shoulders and began cleaning your chest with fresh water.

"You have spent countless days here in the village learning your duties and upholding your responsibilities," she explained. "And so, you will bear the crest of the steadfast and strong-hearted." She patted your skin dry and moved her supplies closer to you. "Our island is the heart of the clan," she continued as she picked up her tools. "And one day, you too shall be the heart of the People."

You listened to her speak without interrupting. Her words inspired a mix of emotions within you. You were honored by the profound meaning she had chosen for your tattoo, but at the same time, you were reminded again of your obligation to Aonung. Every day, you felt more and more apprehensive of the day that Tonowari and Ronal stepped down from their duties and passed them onto you, and the anxiety you felt only incited feelings of guilt.

Ronal began tapping her tools into the skin above your heart. The sharp tip stung as it broke your skin, but you stayed still as she worked carefully for what felt like hours. You didn't move except when she took the occasional break to sit up from her stooped pose over your body.

When she finished, she sat up to admire her work, a genuine smile growing on her face. "We are finished," she said, offering you her hand to help you sit up slowly. You looked down and could see part of the intricate pattern etched into your raised skin. Smiling brightly, you turned your eyes up to Ronal's face and breathed, "Thank you." She placed a hand on your shoulder, still smiling, and told you, "I am very proud of you."

Your chest swelled at her words. Ronal rarely gave compliments, so when she did, you knew she was being genuine. You worked so diligently trying to live up to her expectations, and hearing her praise made you beam with pride. Gaining your first tattoo was a momentous occasion, and the significance of that accomplishment made your hard work worth it. Seeing Ronal's smiling face made you eager to further prove yourself to her. How could you ever think of letting her down?

You stepped out of Ronal's tent with a new sense of achievement. Waiting to greet you outside, Aonung, Roxto, Tsireya, Kiri, and Lo'ak all stood up as you walked out. Their eyes all fell on the fresh tattoo on the side of your chest.

"It looks amazing!" Tsireya gushed as she grabbed your hand in excitement. You beamed at her, and everyone gathered close to inspect the details of your tattoo. They all offered their congratulations, and happiness washed over you with their praise.

Glancing around, you found that there was one face missing from the group. "Where is Neteyam?" you asked, trying to sound casual. Everybody else seemed to notice for the first time that the oldest Sully was not there. "I'm sure he's just resting," Kiri offered. You nodded in response. You also felt tired from the day's excursion, but you couldn't deny that you were hit with a pang of disappointment that Neteyam wasn't there to see your tattoo with all of your friends.

After receiving your tattoos, you and your friends headed back to your homes in order to prepare for the celebration being held in your honor. The akula that you had killed was harvested for its meat which would be served for everyone to enjoy that night. You busied yourself preparing for the festivities when you heard a voice near the entrance of your home.

"May I come in?" Aonung asked politely. You turned to face him in surprise. In nearly two years of being betrothed, the two of you had rarely spent time alone together, and he almost never made a point to come calling for you. "Of course," you replied, trying not to seem as awkward as you felt.

He stepped in carefully, feeling somewhat out of place in your home. "I wanted to congratulate you on the hunt today," he began. "You showed great skill and bravery in the water."

You were taken aback by his kind words. Never before had he offered such praise, but he seemed genuine in his words and tone. "Thank you," you said with a smile. "And you have proven yourself to be a capable and mighty leader."

He smiled back at you before releasing a small sigh. "I know this..." he gestured between himself and you, "...has been strange for us." You looked down and chuckled lightly, relieved to know he felt the same way about your arrangement.

"But I do not want it to be that way anymore," he continued, holding out his hand. You looked up and couldn't help but gasp softly. Dangling from his fingers was a necklace with several shells and beads intricately braided into the cord. At the bottom hung a large, gleaming tooth.

"It is beautiful," you breathed in amazement. You reached out and held the necklace up to admire. The bands of colorful red and yellow shells alternated in a beautiful pattern that demonstrated dedicated craftsmanship. "Is this the tooth of an akula?" you asked. Aonung smiled at you. "The same one we killed today," he told you proudly.

You looked up at him in surprise. "You just made this today?" you asked incredulously. He gave you an amused look before admitting, "No. I have worked on it for some time now, but I thought the tooth would be an appropriate addition." Looking back at the necklace, you understood what he meant. In Metkayina culture, the akula were a symbol of power, and wearing the teeth of one was a way to demonstrate one's own status.

Taking it back from your hand, Aonung politely asked, "May I?"

You nodded wordlessly and turned around, moving your hair off of your shoulders so that he could tie the necklace around your neck. The tooth felt heavy as it rested against your chest, an appropriate metaphor for the burden you bore as tsakarem.

After he had securely clasped it around your neck, you turned back around to face him. He had a faint smile on his lips as he admired his craftsmanship resting next to your new tattoo. "It looks good on you," he complimented sincerely.

You brought a hand up to feel the beads and shells laying on your skin. "Thank you," you said with a genuine smile. He nodded at you and then looked back outside a little awkwardly. With nothing further to say, he told you, "I will see you at the celebration." You nodded back at him and watched him go.

Feeling the tooth with your hands, you mentally reprimanded yourself. This was right. This was what you should look forward to, but deep down, you found yourself wishing that it had been Neteyam who had given it to you. You wanted it to have been him even though you could still feel the sting of his absence outside of Ronal's tent. You wish you could understand what was going on with him, or better yet, you wished you could stop caring so much. It would make everything so much easier.

In a stroke of cruel irony, your attention was captured by Neteyam's figure not far from outside your tent. He crossed paths with Aonung as he was leaving, and though you couldn't hear what they were saying, you could tell from their body language that Neteyam was congratulating him on his new tattoo and status.

Your heartbeat quickened as you watched Neteyam turn away from Aonung and head over to your home. You immediately busied yourself by pretending to move things around when he approached. "Are you busy?" he asked softly as he stood by the entrance. You looked up at him and feigned surprise. "No," you responded a little too quickly. "I am just preparing for the celebration tonight."

He walked in slowly, and you could see that his eyes fell on the tattoo on your chest. "It looks beautiful," he told you earnestly, and you beamed at him. "It is going to take some time for me to get used to it," you admitted with a laugh. He nodded with an understanding smile. "I imagine so," he said before his smiling face turned into a more apologetical look.

"I am sorry I wasn't there to see you afterward," he said softly, raising his eyes from your tattoo to meet yours. You stared up at him for a heartbeat before smiling gently. "It is fine," you assured him. "You deserved to rest after all you did today."

Neteyam shook his head with a sigh. "It was not that," he explained. "My father, he has been asking a lot of me lately. I was with him after the hunt." You nodded your head with a small, "Ah." You had noticed Neteyam constantly mentioned his father lately, either running errands for him or working with him in the village, so his explanation was not so surprising to you.

"You are coming to the celebration, yes?" you asked hopefully. You didn't want his father to keep him so busy that he would miss out on the festivities of the night. Neteyam's warm smile returned as he looked down at you. "I wouldn't miss it," he assured you.

You smiled in relief. "You better not," you told him playfully. "You wouldn't want to miss Lo'ak dancing." He chuckled at the memory of his brother's awkward dancing the month prior at the celebration of the tulkun. "I definitely do not want to miss that," he agreed.

His eyes fell down to the new accessory you wore around your neck. Taking a step forward, he reached up to gently lift the akula tooth off of your skin. "Is this new?" he asked curiously, inspecting the necklace with interest.

"It is," you confirmed, looking up at his face that was now so close to yours before adding, "Aonung made it for me." Neteyam seemed to freeze at your words, and in his face, there was something like disappointment. He let the tooth gently fall back against your chest, his fingers barely brushing against your skin. "It suits you," he said finally, bringing his eyes back up to yours and offering a faint smile.

You stared up at him silently for a moment. He hadn't been this close to you since you had danced together, and you found that words didn't come so easily when his lips were so close to yours. With effort, you managed to pull yourself out of your thoughts to reply quietly, "Thank you."

He took a step backward, helping you ground yourself back to reality. "I will see you tonight," he promised. You took a breath and nodded at him. "Tonight," you repeated and watched him walk away.

He kept his word to you. You and the other newly initiated warriors were all gathered together to sit with Tonowari and Ronal as a sign of honor for your new achievement, but through the crowd of Metkayina, you caught a glimpse of the forest boy sitting with his family. As the feast began, Tonowari announced you each by name in recognition of being newly anointed members of the clan. Everyone present cheered for you all, and soon after, there was dancing.

Of course, you danced as much as you could. The joy of completing the final, crucial step as a Metkayina member made you feel energized throughout the night. You only took a few short breaks to eat and drink so that you could continue dancing.

During one such break, you wandered over to where Neteyam was sitting by himself not far from his family. You held out your hands to him, and he immediately took them both with a smile. "This is a celebration," you told him with a laugh. "You are supposed to be celebrating!" He looked up at you warmly, but he didn't budge from his sitting position.

"I do not think I will dance tonight," he admitted. You scoffed at him playfully and tugged at his hands. "Nonsense," you replied. "You must." He seemed to deliberate for just a moment before his eyes looked past you to something behind you, and he dropped his hands from yours with a shake of his head.

"I think he would make a better dance partner for you," he said, nodding over to where Aonung was standing to your right. You felt another sting of guilt. Of course, you should be wanting to dance with Aonung instead. That was how it should be.

You gave Neteyam a disappointed smile. "You are no fun," you told him. He shrugged apologetically, his lips pulling into a faint smirk. "So I have been told," he retorted as you stepped away from him.

You rolled your eyes at his words. For a moment, you thought he was going to agree to your request, but something made him change his mind. As you walked over to Aonung, you turned your head to see what it was that Neteyam noticed behind you. Across from Neteyam, Jake was sitting with a plate full of food and a watchful eye. It was strange that Jake would cause Neteyam to reclude from your invitation to dance, but you didn't dwell on it for long.

Aonung had been speaking with a friend when he noticed your approach, and he greeted you with a smile. Without saying a word, you held your hands out to him. He took them and immediately understood your silent request, and he led you to where the others were lining up with the music.

Just as he had done the month before, Neteyam watched you dance with Aonung. In his heart, he sorely regretted not taking your offer, but after the last time, his father had pulled him aside the day after the celebration of the tulkun back at their home and warned him to stay away from you. Now, Neteyam felt his father's ever-present gaze on him every time he interacted with you.

He knew his father was right, and so he did his best to listen to him. Still, watching you dance with Aonung made his chest burn, and after watching you for a minute, he stood up and walked over to his parents. "I am growing weary," he said mutely. "I am going to bed." Jake and Neytiri shot each other a knowing look before Jake replied, "Alright. Goodnight, son."

Soon after you had finished your dance with Aonung, you realized Neteyam was nowhere to be found. It seemed you were becoming better acquainted with disappointment because you knew that you wouldn't be seeing him again for the rest of the night, so you quickly distracted yourself by clinging to Tsireya for the rest of the celebration. Still, you managed to enjoy the rest of the night despite Neteyam's early departure.

The next day, life resumed as normal. You got up early and helped with the morning catch to bring in for the first meal. You helped prepare the food for everyone before the rest of the clan came out to eat together.

Your friends all came out to eat with you. Lo'ak plopped down next to Tsireya and immediately started chatting away with her. Behind him, Kiri and Tuk came up to where you were all sitting together. You noticed Neteyam was missing immediately, but you managed to refrain from asking. He seemed to be making a habit of unexplained absences.

You saw him later on in the day when you were gathering palm branches for basket weaving. He was nearby helping his mother collect the newly ripened fruit from a grove of trees. You greeted them both cheerfully and said to Neteyam, "I didn't see you leave last night."

He looked away as he reached up to grab a piece of fruit. "I did not want to interrupt your fun," he explained casually. You watched as he pulled it down and placed it in the basket at his feet. "I see," you muttered quietly before adding in a more lighthearted tone, "You could have been having fun too if you would have danced."

He shot you a faint smile. "If you say so," he responded as he continued working. You stood for a moment, wanting to say more but not knowing what to say. With a quiet sigh, you told him, "I suppose I will see you later." He nodded without looking at you, remaining intently focused on finding the next fruit to pick.

You walked away feeling a little hurt. Neteyam's behavior toward you seemed to grow increasingly distant and unresponsive. You used to feel so close to him, but now, it was like there was a disconnect between you, and you didn't know why.

It only grew worse as the days passed on. You noticed he spent less and less time eating with your group, some days opting to eat with his parents instead. He never came around to where you stayed in the village anymore, and if you happened across each other, his conversations were polite but short.

Nearly two weeks after gaining your tattoo, you were walking up the beach and into the foliage surrounding the mangroves to search for a specific root Ronal was running low on. You looked out at the rain falling in large drops across the water. It was unusually warm weather for rain, and since there was no storming, you didn't mind walking in it to forage. Under the cover of the trees, the steady rhythm of the rain became scattered dripping overhead. You hummed to yourself as you stepped across the ground through the shrubs.

You noticed the signature leaves of the sand root you were searching for poking out behind one of the trees. Walking around it, you knelt down to collect them, but you were startled by a figure nearby.

Through the dripping leaves around you, Neteyam was sitting not far off under a large palm branch that halfway shielded him from the rain. In his hands, he was braiding a band of sea grass together with several small shells and stones woven throughout. He seemed lost in thought as his fingers moved the fibers effortlessly, remaining unfazed by the falling water around him.

You watched for a moment and felt the longing in your chest that you had been trying to ignore. You thought about turning back, but the truth was that you missed him, and you just wanted a chance to talk. You made yourself known by standing up, and he glanced up at you, a look of surprise crossing his face as he was pulled from his thoughts by your presence. You stepped over towards him, trying to walk beneath the protective branches around you to avoid the rain.

"Do you often sit in the pouring rain?" You asked with a grin as you came up next to him. A weak smile tugged at his lips as he looked up at you. "I was here before the rain started," he explained. "But I do enjoy it. It reminds me of the forest. We would often get warm rains like this."

You nodded in understanding. Gesturing to the space next to him, you asked, "May I sit?" He looked up at you for a moment, contemplating, before nodding silently and continuing his quick braiding. You crossed your legs and sat down beside him.

"What are you working on?" You asked after a brief silence. Without looking up at you, he said, "It is for Tuk. She collected these shells, so I'm making it into an armband for her." You smiled softly at him. "That is very sweet of you," you told him. Neteyam stayed focused on his work, but after a moment, he said, "Braiding helps me think. It clears my mind."

You studied his face, and in the silence that followed his words, you felt that strange disconnect again.

"And what is on your mind?" You asked quietly. He didn't say anything for a moment, and you thought that maybe he hadn't heard you. Then, he murmured under his breath, "Many things." The rain pattered around you as you sat next to him in silence.

"You know," you carried on, trying to keep the conversation going, "when I need to clear my mind, I  have a secret place I like to go to." That seemed to catch his interest because he slowed down his braiding and looked over at you in curiosity. With a small smile, you continued, "Do you know where the water runs over the edge of the rocks on the north side of the sea wall?"

Neteyam seemed to search back in his memory for a bit before nodding slowly. "I think so," he replied. "Like a little waterfall?" You nodded at his answer. "Well, if you swim down underneath where the water falls, there is a little tunnel in the rocks," you explained. "And the tunnel leads to a cave. Nobody seems to know about it, so it's like my own secret hideaway." With a soft smile, you bumped your shoulder against his gently. "But it can be yours too if you'd like."

The corners of his mouth turned upwards at your offer. "Thank you," he said sincerely before adding dryly, "I need a good hiding spot from my father." You chuckled at him before tilting your head in curiosity. "Is that what's been bothering you?" You asked carefully.

Your question made his faint smile melt away entirely. His focus returned to the armband he was braiding, and he muttered quietly, "I don't know what you mean." You couldn't help but give a small, disappointed sigh. "Neteyam—," you began, but he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, making you hesitate.

"Please," he said, eyes still closed. "You don't have to concern yourself with me." You watched him in distressed silence. Whatever was going on with him clearly agitated him, but you didn't want to make it worse by prying. "You're my friend," you told him quietly. "What concerns you concerns me."

He sighed again, and his eyes opened to look at you with sadness and exhaustion. You turned your body to face him better, placing a worried hand on the crook of his arm. "What is the matter?" You asked imploringly.

His eyes fell on where your hand was resting on his arm, and you could see in the dim light how his jaw tensed. He looked back to his own hands that were still holding the unfinished armband and shook his head slowly. Taking a deep breath, he looked back at your face.

"Nothing," he said. "I am fine."

You didn't believe him, not even for a second, but he was making it clear that he wasn't going to disclose to you whatever was upsetting him. He continued his braiding quickly, and in the few silent seconds between you, he finished it and tied it off.

"It's getting late," he stated, looking at the dim sky through the leaves above. "I need to get back to my family." He stood up quickly, and with a quick nod to you, he muttered, "Good night," before leaving you sitting on the ground.

"Wait," you called out, pushing yourself up from the ground to follow after him. Neteyam began walking away quickly, but you grabbed his hand. "Neteyam, wait," you said softly. He stopped moving as you held onto him, the warm rain splattering down on you both, and even though he could have easily pulled away from your grip, he stayed.

He turned back slowly to face you, still holding onto your hand. "Please," he murmured, closing his eyes in an almost pained expression. "Don't do this." You blinked up at him, perplexed. "I just want to understand," you told him pleadingly. "Did I do something to upset you?"

His head tilted in agitation at your question, and he opened his eyes to gaze down at you sadly. "You did nothing," Neteyam insisted gently. "I just need to be alone right now, that's all." He began pulling away from you, but you tightened your grip on his hand.

"I don't believe you," you told him, your voice growing more urgent. "For weeks now, you have been pulling away, avoiding me, and I don't understand why." He looked away from you uncomfortably. "I did not mean...," he paused, trying to think of how best to explain himself.

"Did you think I would not notice?" You interjected, feeling your hurt and confusion from the past few weeks begin to bubble up in your chest. "Do you think I don't see you leave every time I come by? Or how you barely speak three words to me all day?"

Closing his eyes, Neteyam winced at your accusatory questions and whispered your name pleadingly. You squeezed his hand and stepped a little closer to him so that you were gazing straight up at his face. Sighing, he opened his eyes just enough to look down at you with half-opened lids.

In the dim light, his amber eyes almost seemed to glow. Water was streaming down his face from the continuous rain, gathering at his lashes before falling to the ground. He looked beautiful— his body strong and his face gentle. It made your chest ache.

"Please, tell me what is wrong," you begged softly. "What did I do to upset you like this?" His face twisted in something like anguish, and he shook his head again. "You did nothing," he repeated. "It is me, I—," Neteyam paused, seeming to grow more agitated.

"I cannot be around you anymore," he said finally.

You blinked in surprise. "What?" was all you were able to say in return. He looked down at you sadly and shook his head softly. "I can't," he repeated. "I am sorry."

Your face contorted in confusion. "I don't understand," you said quietly. "What are you saying?" Neteyam looked away from you uncomfortably. "It was never my intention to hurt you," he murmured. "I just...," he trailed off again, unsure of what to say. He pulled his hand away from you and took a step back. "I'm sorry," was all he said.

You stood there for a moment, dumbfounded. Then, you felt a surge of determination rise up in you. Maybe if it had been any other person saying this to you, you would have let them go—it would have still hurt, but you wouldn't fight it—but not Neteyam. He was the one person who you felt understood everything, the one you looked forward to seeing most in the day. He wasn't going to get off so easily.

"No," you said resolutely. "No, you cannot expect me to just accept that, Neteyam. I won't accept it." He shook his head slowly. "Please, let it go," he whispered, begged. You scoffed, growing frustrated with his behavior. "No," you repeated, growing more heated. "I won't let it go. Not until you explain to me why you can't—,"

"I'm in love with you."

Silence.

You couldn't say anything. His words knocked the breath out of you. You stared up at him in complete shock, unable to utter a single word. Neteyam looked away from your stunned face in shame. "I'm sorry," he whispered regretfully. "But that is the truth."

You blinked and looked away, trying to regain your composure in order to reply. "Neteyam," you began, "I—,"

"I know," he interrupted gently, drawing away from you. "You are spoken for," he continued. "It was never my intention to interfere with that."

You were at a loss for words. You felt a strong mix of emotions in your chest—happiness, guilt, confusion. You had scarcely allowed yourself to imagine that he could reciprocate what you felt for him, and now, here, in the warm rain, he had given you more than you could have hoped for. But now, you felt the weight of Aonung's necklace and the promises it represented more distinctly than ever.

He must have seen the torrent of thoughts on your face. "And now you see," Neteyam said regretfully. "I am very sorry." As he moved to walk away, you grabbed his hand again. "Don't go," you pleaded. "I'm not upset, I just...," you thought desperately for the right thing to say.

"I have a duty to my people," you said finally. "Part of that is to be with Aonung one day." Neteyam averted his gaze and nodded solemnly. You took a shaky breath as you continued. "But being with him was never by my design. It was easy for me to accept before, but now, I find myself dreading it more and more."

His eyes flicked back up to look at you, his forehead scrunched slightly as he did. "You don't love him," he observed quietly, and you shook your head. "How could I?" You asked. "Not when I...," you couldn't finish saying it. Telling him how you felt was never something you had planned to do. Your heart was pounding furiously, and all you could do was stare up at him with longing and squeeze his hand.

He caught your meaning, and his face changed from sadness to hope and then to pain all within the span of seconds. "Don't," he pleaded quietly, pulling away from you. You blinked in surprise. "What?" You questioned as he stepped back.

"Don't," he repeated more urgently. "Don't tell me that. You are tsakarem. You are meant to be with someone else." Your jaw clenched at his words, feeling the guilt creep over you. "You think I don't know that?" You asked him in a strained voice. "Every day, I am reminded of it. It weighs on me constantly, and I don't want it. I never have."

He looked down at you sympathetically. "A heavy burden," he muttered in a low voice. You couldn't help but give a defeated sigh. "I don't want to be tsakarem. I don't want to be with Aonung," you told him quietly, looking back up at him.

"I want to be with you," your words were barely above a whisper, but Neteyam heard them clearly. Neither of you moved. You blinked up at him as the rain fell on your face. Finally, he took a slow step towards you and held up a hand to cradle the side of your face.

Your heart was hammering in your chest, and for a moment, you thought he was going to kiss you. Instead, however, he just stared at you with a look of longing before he finally closed his eyes in determination.

"No," he whispered finally. "We can't."

You felt your throat tighten and your heart twist at his words. You knew he was right. You couldn't. It wasn't right, and you would bring shame to your family as well as his. That didn't make it any easier to hear.

You couldn't say anything nor could Neteyam. There was only the sound of the rain around you as he dropped his hand from your face and walked back towards the beach, and as he did, the raindrops on your face was indistinguishable from your tears.

Chapter 4

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Taglist: @mashiromochi @eywas-heir @kafanizdakicokiyi @plzfeedmebread @afro-hispwriter @fanboyluvr @anm3mi @sadexact @peachinsomniac (idk why its not linking your blog :/)

[obey-me-headquarters]

ANYWAYS OVIPOSITION RIGHT??? You don't know how it works, but I do. I really really do sdkghflh

So Satan drags Lucifer out of a dumpster somewhere and sets him at your feet. We'll figure out what to do with him later. Right now, Lucifer.

He probably wants to run back away, and something deep inside him is so humiliated and disgusted at the thought of his mate master seeing him like this, all filthy and unkempt and repulsive, you'd only ever loved him for his attractiveness and sex, anyways -

But you hold him, embrace him tightly, tears in your eyes, confession tumbling through your lips, trying fruitlessly to explain how you've missed him.

How you missed his presence keeping you company every day, the meals he cooked for you with love, how he kept your home clean and left feathers and polished bits of horn and other trinkets as decoration, how he smiled when he looked at you, everything.

"Please don't leave me," You whimper, holding him as tightly as your human arms can manage, "Please don't leave me again..."

Lucifer is many things. He's in love with you... but he's afraid. And he's so very proud. And he can't take it if you hurt him again.

And even if Satan brought him back himself, he can't place the agony of being replaced on his own son.

He tries to pull away,,, he's not a mate to you, he's never been, he was just too stupid to realize at first.

But you know now, and you won't stop,,, you bring him to your room (your nest) and reach between his legs, whispering with a low voice and a flushed face that you'll prove it, you'll prove it to him, you want to be his mate,,

So that's how you end up,,, laying on your back beneath Luci, all dark, wings puffed up as he looks down at you, cheeks pink, crooning as he slowly feeds his ovipositor into your entrance.

You can't help shivering and twitching as it inches further, further, and you know the stretch is going to burn all the more when he starts pumping the eggs in, but his face is alive with a heat and a gentleness you've never seen before

Lucifer looks so handsome, so concentrated, but his eyes are fixed on you, a free hand stroking your shoulder, your breast, his beautiful face bowing down to plant kisses on you whenever a clench of instinctive resistance makes you squeak

You have him now, you have him all to yourself like you wanted, those soft lovely feathers you can bury your fingers in as you whine at him bottoming out

He looks down at you and you're panting hard, shuddering around him, leaning into his touch - he's never seen anything so beautiful before.

You're so vulnerable beneath him, naked and shivering. Your body squeezes at the intrusion but you will yourself to take it, reaching out to hold him, looking up at him with eyes full of pure need; his mate to cherish, to hold, and to breed.

A noise, a gentle stroke over your arousal that he keeps going, is his warning of the first egg that stretches you wide.

Lucifer kisses away the tears that form at your eyes clenched shut; one hand working your arousal as his hips rock gently into you, and the other hand reaching up to thread his fingers in yours.

-

i could write more but it's SO LATE I HAVE TO GO PASS OUT ANYWAYS ILU PURPLE HAVE A GREAT NIGHT

Ahhhhhhh Elseie this is soooo hot!!!

Absolutely adore how Lucifer is all worried about being dirty and looking disgusting infront of you but you're too busy sobbing into his chest and holding him to really notice lol.

Also, bath time first and then getting fucked by Lucifer. Man needs to Get Clean first lol.

Ok but bathing Luci would actually be pretty sweet. Just, getting the water warm, maybe even putting in a relaxing bathbomb or bath salts. Before gently placing Lucifer in the tub and getting in yourself. A part of Lucifer wants to curl up and hide away from you, not allowing you to see how gross and dirty he is. But another part of them is just so, so tired. He's sick of living on streets, he's sick of people touching him roughly. And you're being so sweet, so gentle with him, that he can't help but melt into your touch.

Ok but now moving to Ovi. Firstly, that was incredibly sweet omg. And now I can't stop imaging what it would be like when you finally have to push the eggs out of you. Lucifer is there, of course, cooing and you. Obviously worried about you and the eggs. He probably fusses like crazy, refluffing the pillows over and over again. Leaning over to you to feed you slips of water. When the eggs start to push out he's concentrated though, telling you that's it's going to be ok and to just breathe. When the first egg pops out he's there to grab it, with all the care and gentleness in the world. It's so, so very close to hatching. They might even hatch that night. What makes him absolutely melt though is your insistence to hold the egg yourself. There's still some doubt in Lucifer though, the image of you crushing his previous eggs flashing behind his eyes. And you see that, and you gentle reinsure him that you're not going to hurt the egg, you just want to hold *our* baby. So with trembling fingers Lucifer hands the egg off to you, and watches with awe as you gently hold it, a smile blooming across your face as you gently stroke it. Leaning forward you place a gentle kiss onto the eggs shell, before you have to quickly pass the egg back because a new one is coming out.

Also, I'm not sure if we discussed this, but how many eggs do you think there should be? If Lucifer is a peacock, Google says they normally lay around either 3-6, or 3-12 (depending on their type) a part of me wants to low ball it because imaging me raising a lot is kids is kinda. Wow. That's a lot lol. But I personally think it would be very funny if there's 7 eggs lol.

[kamotoshi]

bumping into their ex [hcs]

anon said: HI MISS FRAN! Your writing is so sexc that I'd love to make a request from you! How about hcs for Toji and Naoya (seperate) stumbling upon an old flame/fem!ex-lover years later? Would they try and get back with her if the feelings are still there? Acknowledge her even? Spend a night (nsfw) with her and then go about their own lives? Sorry if this request isn't your cup of tea, obvs you don't have to write it if you don't want to! Love your blog, and hope you're feeling better ilu <3

fran says: first of all hello bb thanks so much for your kindness and sending this in ily! second of all I love how this sounds like an essay prompt bc I thrive off that shit like yes get my brain warmed up with these questions omg critical thinking!! anyway hope you enjoy :)

pairings: fushiguro tōji, zen'in naoya; fem ex-lover! reader

genre: fluff, slight angst, humor, and one bullet point of smut

warnings: brief mentions of sex but nothing super explicit, swearing

✧ takes him a few minutes to realize that it’s even you smh but once he does he has no issue with being the one to approach you. like, if you bumped into him and he went “oh hey I didn’t even see you there” really, truly did NOT see you there

✧ even though years have passed since the two of you last saw one another and he always carries himself with that disinterested demeanor, he still cares about you a lot and wants to know how you’ve been.

✧ he’ll definitely ask if you’re busy and if you wanna grab drinks or something with him whenever you have the time. and ofc he’ll make it seem like he’s hella busy but the man has no plans whatsoever and is just being difficult to make it seem like he’s got more going on than he does

✧ but no matter how busy he seems (according to how “packed” his schedule is), he has his full attention on you when the two of you go out together to catch up

✧ there’s a part of him that wants to flirt with you and see if you’d do it back just to gauge if there’s still a chance for the two of you there, but he’s too worried that his feelings are one-sided to do it

✧ because as much as he loved the relationship the two of you shared, he still has this lingering feeling that you deserve better than him and that he wouldn’t be able to give you what you need. it was most likely this feeling that led to it ending between you in the first place

✧ so, instead of letting his feelings show, he just enjoys the time that you spend together talking about your lives before you part ways

✧ he’ll probably be left with this lingering feeling of regret at not being forthcoming about the way he feels about you, especially if you flirt with him and he pretends not to be interested

✧ and within a few days after your reunion, you’ll probably get a text or call from him asking if you want to meet up sometime. if you say no, you’ll never hear from him again—he doesn’t have the energy to chase you if you’re not interested (and he doesn’t wanna look desperate)

✧ but if you say yes, it’s likely your “meetings” will turn into dates instead ;)

✧ he’s for sure playing it cool even though his heart’s pounding in his chest and his palms are getting all clammy at the thought of talking to you again

✧ he’d definitely act like he didn’t see you at first and almost walk past without saying anything until you look over and make eye contact with him. and even if you hadn’t cast a glance his way he’d still find some “nonchalant” way of approaching you anyway

✧ naoya seems like the type to be more emotional than he appears and things like what happened in your relationship affect him more than he might let others know, so even if it doesn’t seem like he cares and like he’s on top of the world, he’s been thinking about you. especially if you’re the first person he’s ever been in a serious relationship with omg he’s 100% still obsessed with you lowkey

✧ he’ll most likely ask you if you wanna grab a drink or a meal and catch up (he’d offer to pay of course. he needs you to say yes and what better way of doing that than by offering free food?)

✧ but the two of you end up talking for hours and hours until you’re back at his place, walking around the property and reminiscing or sitting and watching a movie together

✧ being together, talking about all the memories you shared when you were together undoubtedly sparks that undeniable chemistry between the two of you. and before you know it, that one, innocent kiss he presses against your lips is turning into so much more

✧ seeing you again, hearing you again, and feeling you again drives him insane because he told himself that he just wanted to fuck you this one time and that would be it, but he finds that he can’t get enough of you and that he wants you to be with him again. like literally as he cums he has an epiphany that he’s still very much in love with you

✧ however, instead of openly admitting that he still loves you, he’s the type to throw that “can you imagine us getting back together lol?” out there all jokingly just to see how it goes down. based on your reaction, he’d be making his decision about whether to be open about his feelings or to just let you go

✧ if you mention trying your relationship again, he’s all for it. but if you don’t, you’ll never know that he wanted you back, and he’ll let you walk away without any arguments. purely in the interest of self-preservation, it’s better in his eyes that you think he just didn’t want to get back together rather than knowing you were the one that got away

[gb-patch]

Ask Answers: January 28th, 2021 (Part 2)

Here we’ve got asks that aren’t to ask a question but are just really nice messages. Thank you all for sending us such kind comments ;v;. It’s seriously heartwarming to see so many people having good experiences with the game. I don’t even know what to say to such sweet responses.

We’ll keep doing our best and thank you again to each and every one of you for giving Our Life a chance ❤!

Hello! I've been following this account and have been following the development of 'Our Life' for a few months now, and I just wanted to say thank you for all your hard work and dedication you have put into the game. It astonishes me how much choice you have during the sequence of Our Life and am excited to play the full version now, I am downloading it as I write this message. I've had a great time seeing the demo transition into to the full game and just wanted to write two words. Thank you.

Anhhhhffbgdfbhujk!!! Congratulations on the release, I’m playing the game right now! Thank you all for your hard work and I can’t wait for the Step 3 DLC to come out, I’ll probably wait for the Step 3 DLC to come out to experience everything, but until then, I still have a lot to play. Thank you once again!

finished my first playthrough just now. it just felt so wholesome ??? 100/10 would do it again. i laughed. i cried. i got angry. i felt second-hand embrassment— i got so into it i was left in literal tears after getting my first ending. the art, the storyline, the music, and COVE HOLDEN– UGH IT WAS LITERAL PERFECTION ❤ THE WAIT WAS WORTH IT. THANK YOU FOR MAKING SUCH AN AMAZING GAME 🥺😭 this made my 2020 better, i can't wait for step 4 in 2021 ❤❤

So I was following you guys on itchio for years and uhh did I stay up til 6 am on a school night to finish the game? Yes. Did I sob my eyes out during step 3 as a 20 year old having doubts about life and adulthood? Absolutely. I can't form proper sentences right now due to lack of sleep but just wanted to say thank you for making it. I honestly feel lighter and I feel like it changed my views on future to be more optimistic... I can't wait to replay it! Thanks again!

I love how Our Life turned out!! I keep replaying it and can't stop squeaking and giggling!! Thank You for creating it ♥

okay i have actually fallen in love with cove and cannot WAIT to marry him 😭

Hi! I played through 'Our Life' yesterday and  I just wanna say how refreshing it was to be able to have Cove be 'high initiative' and also have so many opportunities to initiate affection from the player character! As a pretty flirtatious/affectionate person myself, I notice that a lot of VNs don't give players that agency, and affection can be kinda 'carrot on a stick' if that makes sense. You guys did an awesome job! I look forward to seeing if there are more of those moments in Step 3 & 4 :)

I have to say I was pleasantly surprised by the option to choose Cove's level of initiative in step 3! As much I love the option to choose I personally enjoy have the romanced character take the lead without my input so when I got to step 3 and had to option to make it so that Cove initiated affection without as much input from me I was really happy! You guys seriously added so much freedom in terms of choices, it's almost baffling that the only thing you have to pay for is optional DLC!

I absolutely loved everything about the game and I really want congratulate the team for making the game such a satisfying experience.

I look forward to step 4

❤️❤️❤️❤️

* and sorry for my bad English

Just finished my first play through and I loved it! I've been looking forward to the game and it definitely was worth the wait. Thank you all for your hard work and can't wait for the extra dlc!

Till then, hope you guys gets some well deserved rest🤗

Love you guys, thank you so much for your hard work. :)

Ok, so I just finished Our Life and, wow. I have never cried at a video game before, ever. Thank you so, so much! Its one of my favorites.

this isn't a question, but i just wanted to say how much i enjoyed our life 🥺 i've been patiently looking forward to the full game for a few months now, and i couldn't be happier with it! i've only played through it once so far but the outcomes of the choices i made were all so soft and wholesome 💗 i can tell that everyone who was involved really worked hard and you all did an incredible job! i can't wait to see what else is in store 👍

i’d just like to say how addictive our life is!!! i constantly played it during quarantine and now playing the full release is so amazing to me!! i love that i’m still discovering dialogue bits with different personalities and actions!!! i have to admit that i’ve been wishing the day to pass faster all day during school so i could go home and play again. mentally i’m not the healthiest and our life being released has boosted it up so much, thank you for creating such an amazing game!!!!!

Hey, I just wanna say I played our life two times and it still give me the same feelings. I was really looking forward to this game before it came out and I kept on replaying the demo. This game is such an amazing experience and I feel so happy playing it. I am not really a person good with words unfortunately but I do honestly love this more than anything in the world. Thank you for making it and I hope that you will continue to make more games like our life. This game really makes me happy and I can't thank you enough

Just wanted to say that Our Life really made me feel seen as an 18 year old trans man who's been struggling with change as of late and I can't thank you guys enough for it. I just finished the main story and currently released DLC's and gosh, I can really only say... woah. Just, woah. The messages are somehow exactly what I needed to hear right now, and they brought me a lot of comfort in this really weird and confusing time in my life. Can't wait to see what comes next in this lovely story <3

I am honestly in love with Our Life. The graphics, the soundtrack its just *chef's kiss* It was so worth the wait for it. I can't wait for step 4. Keep up the good work GB Patch!

good people i have just finished Our Life and let me say, it was beautiful. rarely have such non-fantastical moments (and even some fantastical moments) brought me to tears like this game has, and i don't even have the dlc (yet). i don't know how you did it but it felt like i was playing a slice of life anime. i had waited with baited breath to play this since i played the demo and my expectations were not just met but surpassed. from the bottom of my heart thank you for this game

I found the game by chance and I am so so glad I did. It’s so inclusive and made me feel so incredibly seen. Seeing that my gender identity and sexuality were possible just meant the absolute world to me. I’ve never seen something like this and it just made me so incredibly happy. Thank you for the absolutely amazing game and I can’t wait to see what’s next.

Hello! I downloaded Our life earlier this week and I'm only now getting the chance to play it (Very busy and stressful week) I'm so excited to play and I wanna say thank you for making this adorable game!

I just finished my first playthrough of Our Life and I can't even express how much I love it. Cove is absolutely precious and has killed me several times, and the art and soundtrack is beautiful. I love all the small different choices. I'm very interested in the Derek and Baxter DLCs and the rest, can't wait!!!!!!

thank you for "Our Life Beginnings & Always" it has to be one of the best visual novels i ever have played and i just dont want it to end (i know it will, but damn it! i want to have a wedding night, have children and die of old age with cole! XD) when i play it it always makes me tear up (in a good way) and i am most definetly going to buy all the dlc that you make! thank you for this lovely game and all the work that went into it! (ps: i also loved "lake of voices" )

You guys are incredibly talented and im very proud of you all! You've really outdone yourselves w/ OL and i cant wait to see whats next to come for you all :)

i really love that you can be trans in Our Life! not a lot of games do that so i just wanted to say thank you!

Guuyyss!! I just wanna say! Thank you sm for the headscarf option in the MC creator! I especially loved that little detail where MC quickly slips the headscarf on before greeting Cove, I've never felt so immersed :'D Not that the rest of the game wasn't immersive btw, but since I wear my hijab most of the time that little addition really felt like something I would do! So thank you for that <3

I've been watching "Our Life: Beginnings & Always" development for quite some time, and I gotta say its wild to see it finally release. Its so unique in the way relationships work- even character creation. I've cried multiple times over this game while playing. I can't thank y'all enough for a game with these kind of mechanics, and representation. its rare I get to feel im really playing as myself in games like these. Everyones outdone themselves. this'll certainly be one I keep coming back to.

I've been following the development of Our Life from way back when the first demo dropped and it still blows my mind how many choices and customizations there are (love that update for the MC's bedroom btw!) and the fact that the game remembers them - it really feels like your very own coming of age story! I was so immersed I cried at the end :') Can't believe I experienced this game for free lol. I can't wait for future DLCs and Step 4! Good luck with all your upcoming projects dev team!!

Just wanted to say I love Our Life and I'm thankful it exists. Thank you so much! I love the little world you created and all the people in it. Especially Cove! This game makes me so happy!

Just poping in to say hi and that ilu guys ^^, remember to take care of yourselves!

Hi!! I just wanna thank you for creating such an amazing game. Our Life is one of the few dating sims I’ve found that let’s me be a male mc, it’s really hard to find dating sims that let me be gay. Our Life is my new favorite dating sim to just sit down and playthrough whenever I’m having a bad day so I just wanted to let y’all know how much I appreciate all you’ve done. 🤍

Fan from australia here

Just wanted to reach out and let you know how important this game has been to me. I came across it at a really rough time ( that I’m still going through ) and it’s been one of the things that’s driven me to get up and out of bed sometimes.

This game and cove both hold a very special place in my heart and I can’t wait to see more of him in the DLC and Step 4

Much love ♥️

I know this isnt exactly the main focus of the game, but i really love how we can customise the mc personality wise! This is the first time i've played a game like this where the mc actually does and says exactly what I would do and say in certain situations and its such a breath of fresh air!! It's also so cool how the other characters can pick up on it!!

Cove Holden saved 2020 (my 2020 anyways) I would die for him

Sorry for this being out of the blue, but after playing through Our Life I wanted to thank you for the experience. I don’t know if I’ve ever played a game that has made me cry happy tears TWICE lol. It’s beautiful, scenic, inclusive, and absolutely amazing..have a great rest of 2020 and I honestly cannot wait for the rest of it :,) (ps. The ending song is stuck in my head)

I think you guys might've ruined visual novels for me forever. I'm not sure I'll be able to play another without comparing it to Our Life and I know if I do that I'll be disappointed every time because of how amazing it is. I bought the DLCs before playing the base game it's one of the best impulsive purchases I've ever made

Thank you so much for making our life! It's my favorite visual novel ever and I just can't articulate how much being able to just be honest with my responses instead of going for whatever would make the love interest happy means to me? I reccomended it to evry friend I have that plays visual novels because this is the best one I've ever played!

Just wanted to say that I absolutely adore this game! The childhood friends tropes is my favorite thing and this game delivers! Cove is the sweetest thing, infact all the boys are good boys. Super excited for all upcoming dlcs!

Hi, I just want to thank you for making such an amazing game like Our Life. Tbh, I was following the game’s development for a while, but me and my family moved away from my childhood town just a few days before release, so I really connected to this game. You all did amazing!

hey just wanted to know that i completely loved ol: b&a and it was so good and love cove more than i’ve liked any fictional character, it’s now my comfort media. thank you so much

hi i just wanna say i really enjoyed all of the representation in our life b&a! there were characters with a lot of different body shapes, pic characters, lgbtq+ characters, and you get to choose your own pronouns and sexuality!!! so tysm!!

This isn't a question, I just wanted to say that Our Life is incredible. Ever since I finished it, I've been looking for other visual novels to play so I don't play OL so often that I start memorizing the lines before all the DLC comes out, but I keep coming back to it. It's really one of a kind, I think you all ruined other visual novels for me because I haven't enjoyed another VN like I have this one since I read it ❤.

i think our life b&a is the first game where i felt like cove loved me, not the character i play as which is really nice for someone with kinda low self esteem so THANK YOU

I’ve been playing Our Life practically nonstop since yesterday. I just want everyone who worked on it to know how much the LGBTQ inclusivity means to me. As a closeted trans ace guy in an unsupportive household, I can’t emphasize how much of a comfort this game has been to me. Everything about it is so wholesome and heartfelt. I’m excited to see what other games you make in the future 💙

- A demibiromantic ace transgender man who may or may not have cried over the option to be myself in a game for the first time ever

Csn i just say i really appreciate how you handled MC deciding to use they/them at different stages. Mainly because alot of games don't pay much attention to the body the mc was assigned at birth if they player chooses nonbinary like it does with male/female. And it was just nice to be able to play an mc who just thought gender was kinda 'meh' for them but still felt good about the body they were born with (like myself). I guesd it boils down I'm really appreciative of the hard work it must've taken for you to make all those options possible & still have them matter.

I just wanted to thank you all for Our Life. My mental health hasn't been in a good place recently and it has become my favorite form of escapism/way to cheer up. It's idyllic setting and fantastic characters are such a good way to wind down, I love it. Also, I've been dreading 2021 due to classes starting and general stress, but the DLC and your next project have given me something to actually look forward to :). I'm so excited for them and now I actually have a reason to be happy that it's 2021. Sorry if this message is a bit weird, I just wanted to thank the team for their hard work and for creating something so incredible <3

I've gotta say this is one of the most repayable games I've ever played, if not the most. Usually after i do a playthrough or two of a game i have to wait awhile before playing again otherwise it feels stale. But i haven't had that problem with our life because of the sheer ammount of player agency. Everyone who works on tbe game should feel incredibly proud of themselves because you've created something amazing.

I just wanted to say thank you for Our Life. I'm sure you get this a lot, but it really pulled me out of a mentally tough spot in my life. So thank you.

who needs therapy when you have our life: beginnings and always? haha no but seriously this game is my comfort game, and even though i can’t join your patreon at the moment please know i am always supporting you and i am so excited to see everything you have in store! everyone who works on the games is so so talented

All DLCs have nice content. 😡😡

And I love them all!!💗💗💗💖💖💖💕💕💕

[gamespritearchive]

yes i like fullmetal alchemist brotherhood a normal amount (<- lying) this post is going to be long so open the readmore at ur own risk

ok this is genuinely going to be a mess because im really terrible at summarizing things and organizing my thoughts so if ur actually gonna read through this then good luck!

here are just some short thoughts before the longer paragraphs

- i absolutely LOVE the note that plays right after the alchemists clap their hands together that indicates that theyre abt to use alchemy. the sound of the clap + the note that plays is incredibly satisfying

- the strong and well-written female characters in this show was a really good touch and i loved how they brought them (izumi and olivier) together at the end :') also their beefy husbands together was super nice too

- my favorite part of the story was actually the part where ed and al go to briggs because thats wher they introduced olivier. it was super nice to see her talk about how strong-willed she is and her army and all of that

- lan fan is another example of a strong female character but a little less favorable since she serves ling yao. that doesnt make her any less cool though she was super badass and i definitely cried over her more than once

- the details in this show was really nice. alphonse's body being malnourished was something that seemed really obvious, but the fact that when ed got his right arm back it was noticeably less muscular and had longer nails than his left was such a good detail

- in the last episode there was a scene where alphonse made a dumb face that was animated just like how ed's faces looked and that made me really happy that we finally get to see al emote just like his brother :')

- im pretty sure i cried through the entirety of the last episode because being able to see the characters laugh and smile without feeling burdoned by anything after youve seen them go through repeated heartache and physical pain for 63 episodes is a super nice feeling

- "i'm a terrible father but i want to make you two proud" .

- "i'll give you half of my life and you give me half of yours" UGH

- also right after this when ed was laughing at how flustered winry got because normally hes the one who gets flustered :') that was so sweet

- i literally guessed that it was morse code whenever they showed selim banging on al's head because its like why would they put so much emphasis on that and let it go on for like 10 seconds without any music over it. this happened like multiple times too and i guessed it before they made it incredibly obvious bye im the smartest guy alive

ok heres where i talk more besties lets go

fmab was absolutely worth watching 64 episodes. i was convinced that i probably wont finish it because i have trouble finishing 12 episodes but as it may be obvious i got super invested. fmab being this long allowed there to be enough time to explain aspects of the story separately and to watch them all come together at some point. it also allowed for a ton of details that even though they're small, they're still important to the story. they rehash a lot of points because it was a simple detail that could get lost through the story but when its rementioned and you recall the time, it's such a nice feeling to have that click in ur mind.

also the character development was really good and ill get more in-depth about characters later but the length of this anime also allowed for a ton of really good character development. it ties into the whole thing where you learn about a characters backstory and you don't understand why it's important to the show until later on and then you're like ohhhh holy shit that makes sense now! also all that time for character development also lets you get attached to more than just the main characters and makes you care more about the role they play in the story.

roy mustang. at first i liked him, but when he started to speak about how he wanted to become the fuhrer president before he knew the military was corrupt, i assumed that he would just become as corrupt as bradley was ("starting wars for no reason"). i was convinced for the longest time that he would eventually just turn out to be the second bad guy and that nearly came true whenever he was trying to kill envy but riza helped him :) i loved the entirety of their relationship they're so sweet and compliment eachother so well. the scene where roy demonstrates the sheer amount of trust he has in riza's abilities by blindly (heh. he was blind during this if u didnt know.) following her directions and hitting their target ... it was just so good. also even though i didnt trust roy i thought he was super badass the sound of him snapping was always super satisfying as well

i almost want to rewatch fmab because it would be really nice to pick up on things that were later referenced in the anime. because of how long it is, its super easy to forget about things that happened early on in the anime (especially for someone with memory issues lol) so being able to watch back with the second half of the show still fresh on my mind would be almost an entirely different experience. the first thing that comes to mind is whenever we were shown kimblee in prison super early on. i know he had dialogue but i remember nothing about it because i was focused on thinking "literally who the fuck is this guy lol" but now i know. wow.

edward elric. im aware that this is going to be incredibly biased but i literally do not care. anyways. character development is always important and needed within a story but i genuinely feel like ed's character development was interesting to watch. it was never super obvious and his core values never changed. he did somewhat have a change in attitude when he nearly died to kimblee, but thats like expected you know ... being that close to death and all. i think that event was essentially the beginning of the end of his naivety. he was always consistent with the people he cared about though :) he never stopped calling them stupid and weird and he never stopped threatening to punch hohenheim whenever he was frustrated even if they were like in the middle of like a life or death situation. i just think he's neat

when ed destroyed pride('s vessel) i felt my heart well up with. pride LOL. that was his very first explicit win against someone who has been against him this entire time, and seeing him defeat pride with his own two hands was such a nice feeling. it wasnt technically his own win since he was only able to get to that point because of his friends and family around him

episode 60 was suuper good it was the part where the father was gonna swallow god because of the solar eclipse. its super hard to explain if uve never seen it but basically the scene was super cool simply because of how well the animation showed the sheer scale of what was happening. like this guy was literally reaching to the moon. theres a lot of unnatural things that are shown in fmab and although this scene didnt introduce any new concepts, it was still incredibly captivating because of how well the animation was

aand thats it i think! i regret not writing down how i feel during the earlier episodes but i think watching it with little to no distractions was a better experience. if u actually read this im giving u a kiss on the cheek rn ilu

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #291

“clothes trailing from the backdoor, to the bedroom, and i don’t even know your name.”

What was the last health scare you had? So I got blood tests done recently to check multiple things, and I got pretty nervous when my doctor stood beside me going through the numbers and what they meant. I was afraid she was going to tell me I had diabetes (runs in the fam, and my diet hadn't been great) or something, but I was fine. What is your favorite food to cook? Something in the microwave lmao. Do you listen to bluegrass music? Ew. What was the last novel you read about? Well it' s part of a series so it'd be hard to explain briefly... but dragons. That'll do ig, lol. If there is a tree right outside your window, what kind is it? There's a small one. Idk what it is. What is your favorite filling for a piece of chocolate? Caramel. What is your favorite thing to draw? If you take a look at my work history... I apparently love drawing meerkats screaming for one reason or another lmao. Do you like abstract art? Not very much. There are of course exceptions to this, but it's definitely not my favorite and sometimes doesn't even feel like "art" to me. Would you ever want to be a painter? No. My Painting course in school taught me it's too damn stressful, the idea of messing up. Even though it's technically fixable. There's just a lot about painting I don't like. I'd much rather draw and color traditionally. What is your passion? Some of my biggest consists of gay rights (or really just equal rights as a whole), meerkats, pacifism, photography, just art in general, stuff like that. I feel things very deeply, so there's really a lot. What fascinates you? NATURE!!!!!!! SO MUCH ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Do you have art on your walls? In my room, I have three of my meerkat projects on the wall with my meerkat collection, and my Pyramid Head/Halo of the Sun overlap drawing is with my Silent Hill stuff. What kind of collection would you like to start? I have a decent amount of stuff, but I really would love to pump up my SH collection. It has SO much merch that I would die for, stuff is just mad expensive. If I was to start a new collection, bitch I need Markiplier stuff so bad, I'm too awkward to ask for that shit for holidays 'n stuff. ;;_;; Do you enjoy the sound of birds chirping? I sure do. If you had the money, would you travel the world? I feel like I'd go to less locations than most people you could ask this question, but I'd definitely go places, yeah. If you could travel the world, which country would you want to go to first? South Africa. Make my meerkat dreams come true. :') Do you get drunk? I haven't before, and I don't actually aim to when I drink (which is very rare) and I'm apparently no lightweight, so I doubt I ever will. Don't feel like I'm missing out, honestly. Do you get high? Nah. Have you ever used a prescription medication to get high? No. Does sunlight make you happier? Guys. This is science. I used to hate the sun so much, but it's good for you. Open your windows on a clear day; your body will thank you. It takes getting used to, but please, don't coop yourself up in the dark. Do you live a boring life? My life is excruciatingly boring. Like not to sound depressing, but half the time I wish I wasn't even alive because I'm so bored lmao. Have you ever gotten soap in your mouth for cursing? Do you think that’s right to do to kids who curse? No, but it's been threatened upon me. I don't support it, no, but then again I don't believe in traditional "profanity." My hypothetical four-year-old could say "that fucking hurt" in our own household, and just a simple word indicating (s)he was really in pain wouldn't faze me for a blink. I do believe out of respect though, that you should educate your children when "profanity" isn't allowed, like in school and such. You don't shove potentially toxic shit into your kid's mouth to teach them something. What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start watching horror movies with lots of gore? This definitely depends on the child. Are they spooked easily? How mature are they? Do they understand what's not to be replicated? It would vary with the film, too. Do you have any wind chimes outside your house? How many? No, but I'd love to. Wind chimes are great. Do you have a flat stomach? Would you ever wear a belly shirt to show it off? I hate my stomach more than I do any other part of my body, so guess. Would you ever get a sleeve or a half sleeve on your arm (we’re talking about tattoos)? omfg hell YES Do you think your biological parents love each other? They're long-divorced and Dad's been remarried for a long time while Mom only has negative shit to say about him, so like... What's one movie you’re dying to see but haven’t had the chance to see yet? *Dying* to, I don't know if one exists. Birds of Prey probably tops my want-to-see list, though. Harley moving past Joker? Girl you fuckin go ilu. What’s the biggest promise someone’s ever made to you? Did they keep it? To never leave me because of my illnesses. Nope, he sure didn't. Does thunder & storms scare you? Nah, not usually. It's funny, I was TERRIFIED of them as a kid, especially if I wasn't with my mom, but now I find them beautiful and sometimes even relaxing. Now, wind, I fucking hate wind. I associate bad winds with tornadoes, so fuck outta here w/ that. Google, Bing, or Yahoo? Google. Do you sing in front of people? NO. Who are you the most uncomfortable around? Groups of older men. Are your parents overprotective? No. A recent creation that you’re proud of? I took family pictures for a repeat client recently, and I'm really happy with how some came out. Who’s your favorite comedian? Living, I'm unsure. It was John Pinette. What makes you squeamish? Vomit and fecal matter top the list. Do you have any online friends that you wanna keep, but not meet? Maybe a couple that I don't know too well? Should cloning ever be allowed to happen? No. I see a lot of potential problems with that should it become a serious thing. Who would you live with if you got kicked out tomorrow? Probably my dad. What’s a pet your parents never let you have when you were a kid? A snake. I was eventually allowed though obviously, and now Mom loves Venus, though she won't hold her. Who do you wish you could change, if anyone? It's not my job to change anyone else. You have to want to change. Has your house ever been broken into? No, but my childhood home almost was by a gang. My older sister and her best friend were home alone at the time. Thank fuck they didn't get in, but they left a gang flag on our porch. Would you consider yourself a good flirt? I have no idea. What color do you wear most often? You mean to tell me black isn't the only primary color in people's wardrobes? Do you like your hair? Disregarding the fact it gets oily way too fast, yes. Have you ever driven while under the influence? No, I would absolutely never. Did you enjoy your last kiss? Yeah. Would you ever take boudoir photos for a significant other? (or have you?) Considering I literally love boudoir, I would if I didn't hate the fuck outta my body and would be too embarrassed to ever do it. What is your biggest guilty pleasure? Maybe makeup guru channels lmaooo. What is a movie that you thought you would hate but actually ending up enjoying? I'm unsure. I don't really go into watching a movie I think I'll hate, especially when I watch so few movies to begin with. Do you like where you live? I'm not a fan of the suburbs, but it's a better place than where we were. Are you a jealous person? I'm learning that apparently I might be, at least sometimes. Is there anyone you want to fix things with? There are a few. Last time you walked further than a block? I couldn't tell you. I walk a few feet (that's not an exaggeration) and am in pain because of the muscle atrophy in my legs. Is it easy for you to accept loss? NO. NUH-UH. NOPE. Do you get dessert normally while out to eat? No. Who was your first kiss? Jason, my first "real" boyfriend. Have you ever found a stray dog & found its owners? Not that I recall. Would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually? Not everything, no. When was the last time you told someone you love them? Last night. Who was the last person you talked to last night in person before bed? Ma. When was the last time that you were genuinely happy? Good damn question. Have you ever dyed your hair? Plenty of times. Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed? Yeah. When was the last time you changed in front of someone? I don't know; when you hate your body enough, you'll do a lot to avoid that. Last person you kissed, have you cried in front of them? Yes. Ever dated someone who was gorgeous but they had a conceited personality? No. A conceited asshole is the last kind of person I'm dating. Would you prefer a kiss on the cheek or neck? Well I mean what's the vibe lmao Do you like to cuddle? Yeah, if we're a close couple and it's not too hot. Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? Nah. Could you ever be friends with the person who hurt you most in life? I wish we could, but even if he was willing, I don't think "friendship" is possible between us. What is something “cheesy” that you own? Ha, I have this feminine-looking "she believed she could so she did" wall decor thing... I can't remember if I bought it or if it was gifted. What is something that gets your creative juices flowing? MUSIC!!! What drink are you most likely to order at a bar? Some kind of margarita. What is the most interesting class that you took in high school or college? Mythology, I guess? When was the last time that you’ve ever played Spin the Bottle? I never have to begin with. If you were an adult film star or a stripper, what would your stage name be? I can't even try to entertain this question. Even if I WANTED to be one, I would never be hired. I couldn't seriously think of a name. Have you ever wanted to be a cheerleader? No, not even when I was one as a kid lmao. Have you ever been dumped? What was the reason for it? Yeah. The first one, he couldn't handle my depression anymore. With my last partner, we kinda had a mutual agreement that to save us from potential later heartbreak, we needed to work more on ourselves right now. What was the last R-rated movie you watched? Hm. Idk. Have you ever asked someone out? Yes. Have you ever had lice? No. What is the most childish thing that you still do? I mean, with RP, you could argue that I still "play pretend." Have you ever watched a movie you knew you shouldn’t? As a kid, I'm pretty sure I was not supposed to see whatever Scary Movie film it was when I did, aha. Have you ever wanted to try LARP (Live Action Role-Play)? Nah. I'm awkward enough explaining I just write it. If you could go back in time and erase one thing you said or did, what would it be? The "thanks for sending me to the hospital" message to Jason. Has your boyfriend or girlfriend ever embarrassed you? Jason did before, if we're counting past partners. Have you ever thought about cheating on your partner? I never thought of that in any relationship, no. Have you ever been caught checking someone out? Not to my recollection. Not that I even do that much. Have you ever cried because you missed your parents so much? Oh, absofuckinglutely as a little kid. I had BAD separation anxiety from my mom. Have you ever posted something on social media that you regret? OH BOY HAVE I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever ding dong ditched someone? No. Which is worst: Snakes, scorpions, or spiders? I adore snakes. Some spiders scare me, especially if they catch me by surprise. Scorpions aren't native here, so I've actually never come across one, so I'd probably be more curious than frightened. Is there an attic and/or a basement in your house? An attic, yeah. Have you ever been bitten by a tick? Has anyone not? Well, I suppose this depends on your environment. Playing outside in the country as a kid a lot, and especially walking through tall grass to reach fishing spots with Dad, I've had lots. I'm terrified of parasites so those were never fun times. What color is your mom’s car? White. Have you ever had a bird or a squirrel in your house? No. How high off the ground is your bed? The average, ig. What is the cutest breed of dog? That's such a hard question, but I think I tend to lean towards pugs, though I don't support breeding them or any other type that is a medical catastrophe. What is something other people say you’re good at but you think you’re not? Holding a conversation. I call BS. What does your bedside lamp look like? It's a creamy color with a floral design. It was already here at the house when we moved in. Do you like your neighbors? I don't know them. Does your room need to be cleaned? I need to finish decorating it... and dust the dresser. What was the last bug you saw? Ugh, a fucking ant. This house has had an ant problem before, and now they're showing up in my room here and there. Do you place any value in gender roles? Literally zero. Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones? Well, I suppose it would depend on the person. How strong is that platonic relationship? Are you in love? Do you want to be? I don't think *in* love anymore, no; I reasoned myself out of that. I think most people WANT to be in the name of companionship, and being a pretty hopeless romantic, your wild guess would probably be right. Would you be happy with a life without romance? I'd live. Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? No. If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? Nope. Religion only ever brought me confusion, pain, and frustration. Are your choices fated or of your own free will? I am very much a believer in free will and that you sculpt your own fate. Was your childhood happy? For the most part. What are you missing from your life? Excitement. Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? No. And if my country did something fucked up, I wouldn't stand with the masses just because I live here. What’s the latest YouTube channel you’ve discovered and binge-watched? Snake Discovery, like, hardcore. Does it snow where you live? Every now and then, but it's super rare for the snow to stick, and it's maybe even rarer that we get a good or fun amount. Do you think your hair looks better long or short? UGGGGHHHHHH I AM SO MUCH HAPPIER W/ SHORT HAIR. Do you enjoy editing photos on your phone? Not really on my phone, no. I don't have good image quality on my phone, so editing tends to make it worse. What’s your favorite thing to do on your phone? Play Pokemon GO if I'm actually in a place with spawns. Which season do you wish would last longer? Sigh, autumn. At least here, the colorful phase is pretty short. It's like... green leaves one day, a beautiful display for a week, then the trees are bare. It's still my favorite season, though. Do you have neat handwriting? Yeah. Did you dream of becoming famous as a kid? Nah. Do you get on Facebook every day? Pretty much. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Spice Girls, duh. Would you ever consider naming a child after a family member? No. I've got nothing against people who do, but I've just never seen the appeal of it at all. I would want my hypothetical child to have their completely own identity.

[afictionaladventure16]

could you do a steve rogers x teen!reader where the reader can time travel but she didn’t quite have control on it and got stuck in like world war 2 or sumn and has really bad nightmares from it. some fluffy steve rogers please. ilu and ur writing 💖💖

December 7th, 1941 (Steve Rogers x Teen!Fem!Reader)

A/N: First of all, I fucking love you! (sorry, cap.) I REALLY hope you enjoy this fic! I tried my best to perfect it and mold it to what you requested. Second, Sorry, it took me three years to arrive lol. Anyway, I love you and your writing and honestly I love the amount of support you give me and I wish nothing but the best for you! I Appreciate you so much! Anyway, enjoy the fic!

Avengers Masterlist 

Character Taglist

Warnings: Mentions of war, fluff

Word Count: 1,605

You sat down in the back of your history class, trying your best to write down all the information your History teacher was giving the class about World War 2. He had shown a video during the beginning of class, that showed clips of the war and some clips of Captain America leading the Howling Commandos… Well, Steve and Bucky basically. You made a mental note to tell them about it later. 

“And as I said at the beginning of our lesson, the attack on Pearl Harbor led the United States into World War 2, and it took us a few years before we knew about what was going on in the concentration camps” the bell rang, causing your teacher to sigh, “We’ll pick up where we left off tomorrow.” You placed your books into your bag, maybe you could ask Steve or Bucky for help for your homework assignments, after all, they were there during world war 2.  “Don’t forget to read the chapter assigned for the week along with the questions that are throughout the chapter, see you guys tomorrow!” Your teacher exclaimed as students left the room. 

Soon enough, you were back at the compound. You made your way into the kitchen where Tony was, “Good afternoon, Tones!” You exclaimed as you grabbed a water bottle from the fridge. 

“What have I said about calling me Tones?” Tony said as he raised his eyebrows. 

“You mean the fact that you hate it?”

“Yes, so tell me, why are you still calling me Tones?” 

You smirked as you gave him a shrug, “do you know where Steve is?” 

“He and the Manchurian Candidate had to go to a meeting,” you sighed, “don’t worry, short stuff, Capsicle will be back in time to read you a bedtime story.” 

You rolled your eyes at his nickname for you, “see you later, Tones.” 

“Alright, short stuff,” you were walking away when he said that, causing you to turn around and flip him off. He looked at you in shock, you laughed it off before walking out of the room, glad Steve wasn’t there to see what you just did. 

You made your way into your room, sitting down at your desk to begin your history homework. 

You were two hours into reading the chapter for your history assignment. Your thoughts kept going back to what happened during Pearl Harbor, “December Seventh Nineteen Forty-one,” you read aloud. You then felt something familiar and before you knew it, you were in what looked like a submarine living quarters. You looked around, your breathing increasing as you touched a uniform that was hanging off a door, “shit,” you muttered to yourself. You could time travel, you just didn’t know how to control it. You had other powers that you could control perfectly fine but you couldn’t get the hang of controlling your time-traveling. Bruce and Tony had been working hard on trying to figure out your powers, it would happen randomly, though. Like just now. You can just think of a time and somehow end up there, you were frustrated because you always tried your hardest to not think of being at that certain place but it never worked. 

The sound of a loud boom filled the silence, “oh no,” you whispered as you heard men outside of your door yelling as sirens began to ring through the air. “I have to get out of here,” you quickly grabbed the uniform and put it on, you had to disguise yourself in some way. Even if it meant putting on a men's uniform on top of your clothes. You put your hair up in a bun and covered it with the hat that was laying beside the uniform. You made your way out of the room, men were running down the hall, “what’s going on?” you asked, causing one of them to stop running to turn to you. 

“We’re under attack!” he yelled, “everyone is needed outside!” 

“Fuck,” you whispered as you watched as other men ran outside, “okay, okay, umm, what date was it,” your mind was somewhere else as you scrambled for the date that you had just come from. 

“What are you doing, soldier!? Outside now!” A man yelled at you, you quickly gave him a nod and followed him outside. The scene was even worse, there were bodies of dead men who had been shot on the floor, while other men were shooting at Japanese aircraft. You heard another loud boom, and the ship you were on rocked back and forth, you quickly held onto the railing. 

“I have to get out of here,” you whispered to yourself. You ran towards a small hiding spot, that you had spotted, “October Seventh Two Thousand and Seventeen,” you whispered to yourself, hoping that it’ll work. Hoping that you could get out of there before tragedy struck. “October Seventh Two Thousand and Seventeen!” You said a bit louder and with more confidence. You then heard silence, you slowly opened your eyes and saw that you were back in your room. You let out a relieved sigh as you choked back a sob. You quickly took off the uniform that you had accidentally brought back, throwing it in the trash bin you had in your room. You looked over at bedside table clock, Seven P.M. it read. “I-I was only gone for twenty minutes,” you mumbled to yourself, sighed and decided to call it an early night and began to get ready for bed. 

~ 

It was a little after 2 in the morning when Steve and Bucky made it back from the meeting, “it was so uncalled for,” Bucky exclaimed as they made their way into the compound, “just hours of hearing Fury go on and on about how important our next mission was.”

Steve chuckled, “I know, I know,” he said softly to his best friend, “but Fury trusts us with this, he just tends to get excited about certain things.” Both men walked into the elevator. 

“Yeah,” Bucky muttered as he pressed the button for his floor then the button for Steve’s floor. It didn’t take the elevator long to arrive at Bucky’s floor, “G’night, Steve,” He said with a soft yawn escaping his mouth as he walked out of the elevator. 

“Night, Buck,” Steve said before the elevators doors closed once again. Once the elevator stopped onto Steve’s floor, he didn’t hesitate to walk out of the elevator. He made his way down the hall but when he passed your room, his pace slowly came to a stop. He could hear you're breathing heavily, but what startled him was the ear piercing scream that was erupted from your room. 

“Help! Help me!” he heard you cry out, “help me!” 

Steve quickly ran into your room, “Y/N!” He yelled but he calmed down a bit when he saw that you were laying in your bed, eyes closed… having a nightmare. “Y/N!” He said as he approached your bed, he sat beside you, “Y/N, wake up, sweetie,” he shook you softly, enough to startle you awake, causing you to quickly sit up in your bed. 

You felt tears well up in your eyes as you noticed Steve sitting on the edge of your bed, “Steve,” you quickly enveloped him in a hug. 

He didn’t hesitate to return the hug, “it’s just a nightmare, hon,” he whispered into your hair, “everything is okay.” 

You shook your head, “but it wasn’t a nightmare,” you said softly. 

Steve let go of the hug so he could take a better look at you, “What do you mean?” 

“I-I didn’t mean to,” you whispered as tears trailed their way down your cheeks, “I was reading about Pearl Harbor and I somehow,” you felt your breath hitch in your throat, “I didn’t mean to!” 

Steve knew exactly what you were trying to say, “oh no, Y/N,” he said softly as he invited you back in for a hug which you gladly accepted. “It’s okay, you’re home now. You’re safe,” he said as he placed a soft kiss on the top of your head. 

“It was so scary,” you cried. 

Steve let out a small sigh as he gently stroked your hair, “you know, it wasn’t always scary,” he said softly. 

“No?” You asked quietly. His hand moved from your hair to your back, gently rubbing your back in a comforting way. It seemed to help you stop crying. 

Steve chuckled, “did I ever tell you about the time Bucky made me ride a rollercoaster in Coney Island?” 

“No,” you sniffled, “was this before or during the war?” 

Steve sighed, “a little bit before,” Steve then continued on with his story, about how he ended up throwing up most of his food after the ride. But this was before he became Captain America. He also told you stories about the times he shared with the Howling Commandos, all the fun memories they had together. Memories he will forever cherish. “I don’t think Bucky will ever let down the fact that Peggy turned him down,” Steve said as he finished his story. He looked down at you, noticing your eyes closed and your breathing was steady. He smiled and laid you back down onto the bed before tucking you in, “goodnight, kid,” he said softly. He placed a kiss on your forehead before walking out of your room. Steve prayed that Bruce and Tony would somehow figure out a way that you could control your time-travel abilities. You were like a kid to him and he hated seeing that your abilities were getting to you, but for now, he was going to have to keep a closer eye on you. 

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[ficsandpieces]

Ranmaru x fem!reader ♦: Slow dancing please💕

YEESSSSHHHHH THANK YOU ANON ILU SO MUCH.

To tell the truth, I’ve been wanting to write something like this for a long time now. The original piece had an extremely N*FW ending but that probably won’t do for this lol

(If anyone is thirsty enough let me know and I’ll see if I can put it up hohoho)

You had to control your face from twitching in surprise when you saw Ranmaru making his way towards you through the crowd, his footsteps clattering across the marble floor of the ballroom.

“I didn’t know you were back,” That look in his eyes that showed when he was pushing himself and hadn’t gotten enough sleep didn’t escape your notice. Your tone softened. “Weren’t you supposed to be flying in tomorrow? You didn’t have to rush back, you know.”

“Took an earlier flight,” Ranmaru mumbled, his grip firm on your arm. “Swapped with Ai.” His eyes refocused. Your face burned with a flush as red as your dress when you literally felt his gaze travel hungrily down your form, taking in the fact that you were adorned from head to toe in nothing but silver and carmine, from the accessories in your hair all the way down to your shoes which had cost more than they were worth but were the only pair that matched both of his eyes.

“Didn’t know I was coming but look at you,” His mouth quirked into a grin and he pulled you closer. “You trying to say something?”

“We’re in public,” you replied archly, your arm twisting out of his grasp. “Why did you even come anyway? I told you my cousin would be my partner for this.”

“Reiji sent me a photo. I’ve seen your cousin and that wasn’t him.” His eyes narrowed. “Where is he?”

You resisted the twin urges to both find Reiji and strangle him and to knock some sense into Ranmaru with the closest object at hand, preferably something harder than his thick, boneheaded skull.

“I’ll have you know that I happen to have more than one cousin. It’s not like you’ve met my whole family.”

“Tch,” He clicked his tongue but you could see his shoulders visibly relax, as if some great tension had drained from him the second he heard that it really was your cousin whose arm you had been holding on to in the photo. “Prove it.”

“Oh for– Fine, I will!”

You spun on your heel, determined to drag your cousin out of wherever he had fled to after abandoning you the second Ranmaru appeared, and just narrowly avoided colliding with someone who happened to be right behind you. Amid the flurry of apologies from the both of you, the man who barely managed to save his flute of champagne after you almost ran head first into him looked at you curiously.

“I don’t believe I’ve seen you before…” He held out a hand. “If you would do me the pleasure of your name and a dance–”

“She’s taken.”

Before you could process his words Ranmaru’s hand was around your waist, his other hand catching hold of one of yours. Your feet barely touched the ground as he forcefully led you away and towards the dance area. Smoothly maneuvering both of you between the waltzing couples already there, he came to a stop somewhere near the other end of the ballroom.

Straightening up, he let go of your waist and held out his hands in a proper hold. You stared at him in surprise, quite sure that the bright light from the chandeliers above must be playing tricks on your eyes.

“I thought you hated this sort of thing?”

He raised a brow at you, the beginnings of a scowl forming on his face.

“Look, do you want to do this or not?”

You laughed softly. A single step brought you towards him, your hand sliding naturally into his while his arm went around and up to support your back. His fingers closed firmly around yours as your other hand slipped down his shoulder on to his arm.

“I shouldn’t be surprised but it’s still a bit of a shock to know that you can dance ballroom as well,” you teased, your movements following his easily as he swayed and turned. “Idols sure have it tough.”

“Had to go for a ballroom boot camp for a show once. Never thought I’d wear one of these damn stiff pieces of cardboard that they call collars again.”

“Well, thank you very much for your noble sacrifice,” You followed his lead, your steps matching his effortlessly. “If it’s any consolation, it looks very good on you. You even took the time to do your hair! I’m touched.”

“Cut the crap,” Ranmaru grunted, the light reflecting off the floor hiding the blush tinting his cheeks. You laughed lightly, spinning and returning to his arms.

“Besides,” he continued, drawing you closer to him protectively. “Like hell I’d let some snobby son of a bitch lay his shitty hands on you.” His eyes were fierce as he directed his glare at the man who had asked you for a dance earlier and was currently heading towards the two of you with every intention of trying again when he spotted Ranmaru sending him a clear message.

Back off. SHE’S MINE.

Unaware of the poor sap who had been terrified by the sheer force of Ranmaru’s murderous gaze into beating a hasty retreat, you took the time to drink in and greatly appreciate the rare sight of Ranmaru in a ballroom suit with his hair slicked back.

The waltz ended, the piano transiting into the next number smoothly. The soft notes accompanied by the violins thinned out the crowd around the two of you as couples left. You looked up at Ranmaru who seemed to have no intention of letting you go.

“The surprises never stop tonight, do they? Still up for another dance?”

“You looking down on me?” His hands traveled down to your waist, your arms moving up to drape over his shoulders as the two of you came closer together, as easily as breathing. “I can keep this up as long as you want.”

Your steps floated as lightly as the music around you. Your fingers rested on the back of his neck, lightly brushing the short hairs there stiff with gel.

“You really didn’t have to go through all this effort for me,” you mumbled, smiling softly. “Where did you even get this suit from?”

“Reiji had a spare in his trunk,” His shoulders rolled and shifted under your touch. “No idea how he normally changes in his car, the backseat’s damn narrow.” He didn’t mention that Reiji had screeched when Ranmaru had almost kicked out one of his windows while pulling his trousers on.

“Ran,” Your voice was trembling from the pressure of suppressing your laughter. “You and Reiji are nowhere near the same size. How on earth would his spare suit fit you, and so perfectly too?”

You almost lost it at the dumbfounded look on Ranmaru’s face, the meaning of your words slowly sinking in.

“Let me guess, he was waiting for you outside when you arrived?” you continued, your eyes dancing with merriment as you watched the light of realization dawn on him. “And he just happened to have a spare suit in your size in his car? With shoes to match? All this right after sending you that photo?”

His grip on your waist tightened. “Fuckin’ hell Reiji,” he snarled under his breath when he realized how neatly he had been played into attending this ball. “Just wait til I get to you…”

You hummed in reply. “Just do it outside, the people here would faint at anything.”

The music, the slow swaying of the dance, Ranmaru’s cologne, the tender closeness between your bodies, all this was making you feel so very soft and mellow. Ranmaru’s hold on you relaxed gradually, the look in his eyes unusually gentle as he gazed down at you. Other than when he had spied his rival for your company heading towards you earlier, his eyes had never left you since he first saw you through the crowd, resplendent in his colors, taking his breath away.

“I’m glad you came though,” Your eyes were half-closed in contentment. “I’ve always wondered what it would be like to dance with you like this.”

“You should’ve just asked.”

“Mhm, but it’s not just that,” His heartbeat was steady, comforting under your ear as your head rested against his chest. “I’d much rather be with you than my cousin.” You sighed softly. “Thank you for being here with me tonight.”

“Idiot,” His hand left your waist, his fingers firm under your chin as he lifted your face towards him. “I said I’d be there for you whenever you needed me, didn’t I? You know that I always mean what I say, especially when it comes to you.”

“I know.”

His forehead rested lightly against yours, your noses bumping. You smiled, your steps not stopping.

“I thought you were going to kiss me.”

Then you noticed that you were no longer in the ballroom, the ceiling lights far away and winking at you through the large french windows of the balcony Ranmaru had been gradually and cleverly maneuvering you to throughout the two dances.

The night air was chilly against the thin fabric of your dress but your face was pleasantly warm as he bent over you, his hand cupping your cheek, his broad back shielding the two of you from any curious eyes who happened to be looking outside.

“Who says I’m not?”

*

Ranmaru almost broke his phone when he collected it, together with his luggage, from the concierge and saw that Reiji had texted him a photo of the two of you out on the balcony along with the message: ”You can thank me later (>ω

(He never showed it to you, and it was much later and purely by accident that you saw it as his phone background.)

[ghosty-schnibibit]

WE’RE ALMOST AT THE END FOLKS!!! 

gonna try and get this out before one a.m tomorrow lol. just now looking at the timecode and realizing this is the longest ep since the one where ned died, i am immediately worried, here we go!

"the penultimate episode" holy shit

aubrey ilu my silly baby

"you would be the street" janelle ilu

she sounds just like angus i cry

vincent wtf my dude

“planets don't have hair!!!” does grass count as hair?

thank you duck lmao

arlo you are way too into this

sometimes i forget duck is in his late thirties, moments like that really throw it back into focus

i need art of thacker flossing right now

griffin your music

this is so creepy holy shit

wait what the fuck?????

BIRDS?

what is this junji ito shit

griffin is really amazing at writing really scary shit, i would pay to see the kind of horror movie he would direct tbh

damn, we're getting into late game magnus levels of damage here

THACKER WHAT THE FUCK

griffin my heart cannot take this

nice! go clint :D

GO DUCK! MY BOY!!! :DDD

s w o r d m a n

vincent my sweet scaredy boy, ilu so much

gotta love those good good finale rolls

idk what the story consequences of that are but i love what it does for duck's character, vis a vis him embracing his destiny

god this is so fucking creepy

YAY HEATHCLIFF!

so that post about heathcliff just like... living in hell while the quell was doing its thing wasn't too fuckin far off then huh

juno divine kiss me challenge

GOD DAMN THIS IS SO COOL

HOLLIS MY BABY :D

LEO NO D:

AWW MINERVA :'(

well this sounds super pretty :o

i love these little moments where it's just all in character bickering

loving getting all this backstory

SO THIS IS HOW HE WAS MAKING MAGIC ITEMS

she's so cute and i lover her

duck what the fuck are you even talking about my guy

hi magic, it's ya girl aubrey

oh damn this is weird as hell

she doesn't know what a cannon is

SHE WAS IN THE PENDANT

this is so beautiful, damn

FINALE ROOOOOLLS

THIS MUSIC IS KILLING ME GRIFFIN

duck holy shit i love you so much

"beacon, get him" i love this

DEAR SWORD JESUS

i'm getting some sick ass atlantis vibes here and i love it

jesus fuck thacker. mood, but wtf

aww janelle :')

oh damn that is very quick turnaround!!!

take your time griffin ilu

this is music some nintendo final boss territory and holy shit i love it

well that's not great :T

JESUS FUCK THIS IS TERRIFYING

welp, i'm absolutely horrifying

THAT’S NOT GREAT

wait what the fuck was that underneath it talking??? i swear i heard something that sounded like "help save"

oh boy aubrey i hope this succeeds

it misses her

is this how you’re gonna pull this out justin, is this turning into a dick turpin situation here

OH NO, OH NO, THIS IS SO VERY BAD

"oooh, that's a good point"

GO THACKER!!! :D

okay but how did he help her tho?

3 borat

OH NO THIS IS BAD, THIS IS SO BAD, HOLY SHIT

OH NOT THIS MUSIC AGAIN

AND THERE'S NED AND I’M LITERALLY CRYING

thacker what the fuck :|||

aww baby :'(

s p a c e  d r a c u l a

JESUS THESE ROLLS ARE INSANE

duck you absolute dipshit i love you

i love this so much oh my god

travis you are destroying me right now

HOLY FUCK AUBREY

this music is just so amazing

damn

so she's speaking for sylvain then, cool

jesus aubrey i love you

god damn this is killing me

aww thacker :’)

duck my sweet baby boy

jesus there's still like thirteen minutes left to this episode, how the hell is this going to end in a way that sets up another episode

oh my baby

STERN WTF

so all the exiled sylphs can go home now? nice!!!

i love these girls so much

aubrey i love you so much holy shit

i cannot wait to see all the danbry content that comes out of this

bless you duck my sweet boy

aww duck :')))

... fuck. fuck fuck FUCK, the abominations weren't from the quell, the weird plane with the monsters wasn't linked to the quell at all, FUUUCK

OH NO, OH THE MUSIC, OH NO

NOT THE SHIFTER MUSIC NO NO NO

YES BURN THAT LUCK RIGHT NOW

THIS IS HIS VISION FROM FLASHBACK IN THE WATER ARC

IS EVERYONE JUST DEAD NOW??? PLEASE FUCKING TELL ME THIS IS A VISION

... ARE THEY ALL GOING TO BE STUCK IN SYLVAIN NOW???

OH HOLY SHIT

"you guys ever try c4?" HOLY SHIT DUCK

JUSTIN THESE ARE THE BEST LINES, DAMN MY BOY

HIS NAME IS WAYNE

HOLY SHIT THAT WAS A LOT, HOLY SHIT

[universal-kitty]

💗 and Wrench or N for the meme! 👁👁 please 💖🧡 [robotarmjokes]

Send me a 💗+ an f/o and I'll tell you...@robotarmjokes    ilu and my ships so I’M DOING BOTH

Who fell for the other first?

   He did, actually!! I thought he was cute, but I mostly focused on my work in the early days. I only realized I really liked him way later.

Who said "I love you" first?

   I did... He was being adorkable and I said quietly, but- whoops- he heard me! But hey, it was all good, considering he kissed me stupid right after.

Who is more affectionate in public/private?

   I prefer privacy, with my PDA being very controlled in public. However, Wrench has no sense for privacy and will happily get handsy in public if I’m okay with it.

Who initiates cuddle sessions?

   Both of us. It just depends on who’s got nothing else to do and is cuddle-starved and who is the busy one trying to do work, LMAO!

How do we cheer each other up?

   Wrench makes dumb faces and endless amounts of jokes. Maybe tries to be “sexy” but in a goofy way. I mostly get snuggly and pour endless positivity to him to bring his mood up. Maybe play his favorite TV show. 

Who is more likely to plan a surprise date for the other?

   W r e n c h. I like making plans that mostly come up as cliche, but he’s the one to be like, “We have to go, right now, immediately.” I love it, though.

Who suggests the more creative date ideas?

   Also Wrench. I’m too law-abiding and cliche; he comes up with some of the whackiest stuff.

Who steals the other's clothes?

   We both do!! My shirts tend to be size medium to large...even a few XLs due to some gifts from my dad. So they fit him well. I am a notorious stealer of his hoodie and even his shirts. Sometimes his vest during our relaxation/down time.

Who is more likely to leave cute little sticky notes for the other to find?

   We both do! It started with me trying to be cute, then he made it perverted...now it’s either cute, lewd, or memes in unexpected places.

What our favourite thing to do during the summer is?

   Stay inside with the AC. Watch movies or do some more hacking work. We’re pale as shit and like to wear black; no thanks for outside shit, man.

What our favourite thing to do during the winter?

   Go cafe hopping, buy dumb sweaters, go stargazing. Do a few Christmas pranks with our hacking skillz. Maybe go out somewhere snowy with the crew and go nuts.

Who fell for the other first?

   I did. I fell for him...pretty hard, pretty fast. N needed some more time before he realized the full extent of his feelings. (Especially since he needed time to recover from the stunted growth his “father” had placed on him. Bastard.)

Who said "I love you" first?

   He did. I was playing with some wild pokemon, my own out and about for some fun and relaxation. Didn’t even realize he was staring at me until he said it, and I looked over at him. Gosh, he got me into such a flustered mess with that...!!

Who is more affectionate in public/private?

   We’re both more private people by nature. Lowkey PDA in public (hand holding, kissing the cheek, etc), but having cuddles and kisses typically stays at home. Will sometimes let me sit in his lap when we hide out in Pinwheel Forest and play with the wild pokemon and give them snacks.

Who initiates cuddle sessions?

   I do majority of the time, but if N is feeling down, he’ll typically wrap his arms around me the best he can and then- if I’m doing something- I’ll put it on pause to cuddle him a bit until he feels better or is up for talking.

How do we cheer each other up?

   N’s best cure is either hanging around our pokemon or cuddles. Or both, depending on who’s in our party. (I.E. nobody too large to be uncomfortable in our home.) For me, he either asks Zorua to give me a letter or shapeshift to make me smile, if he’s not sure how to help. On the occasion he does try to take matters into his own, it’s usually cuddles on the couch and talking out what’s made me sad until I feel better. Sometimes, music gets involved.

Who is more likely to plan a surprise date for the other?

   N might, but it’s pretty uncommon for us both to do surprise stuff when it’s not an anniversary. We like planning things to much for surprises and also because- since we’re both anxious autistics- having unknown factors makes us nervous beyond belief.

Who suggests the more creative date ideas?

   N! He’s got some wonderful ideas for what to do with dates...and though it’s a bit “less” creative, going to the ferris wheel is really nice, no matter how many times we do it. Filling it up with good memories more and more, y’know?

Who steals the other's clothes?

   I do. N is still a bit too embarrassed, but the best he’ll do is borrow my clothes for sleep time. (Since I have a handful of shirts I sleep in, and majority- if not all- easily fit him, too.) I’m the one to borrow his things all the time and wear them in public on occasion, too.

Who is more likely to leave cute little sticky notes for the other to find?

   N is! I’ve left him a few, as well, but he easily takes the idea overboard in the best way... I keep every one I find and I’m pretty sure he does too. Bet if I found the box he keeps them in, there’s be a sticky note on the lid for me, too, LOL!

What our favourite thing to do during the summer is?

   Go to the beach, visit Pinwheel Forest for a picnic and play with the wild pokemon, take naps under the AC, and go to festivals together.

What our favourite thing to do during the winter?

   Go window shopping more, plan the holidays together, drink hot chocolate/sweet coffee (especially if the hot chocolate has peppermint flavor), snowball fights, snowman (or pokemon) building... Snow days with the pokemon who can stand being out in the cold.

[bthump]

watching jojo's bizarre adventure anime adaptation and seeing how much the anime team fixed araki (the mangaka)'s bad writing makes me rlly wish that if berserk gets a proper anime adaptation whoever does it will do the same with miura's writing (and some of his art too tbh). like for example for all their faults the berserk movies did improve casca's character. what are your wants for a potential full berserk anime adaptation? (also let's hope that this is the year we finally get one 🤞)

I never finished JJBA or watched the anime so idk, but I’m curious how much they changed. Like were there big changes to the plot, or was it mostly just little minor changes to smooth over some flaws?

ty for asking, and I apologize in advance for how long this got lol.

tbh I think my ideal, if not realistic, Berserk adaptation is one that just goes ‘fuck it’ and throws out most of the story lol. Starts with Black Swordsman, ends with Femto lowering his hand and letting Guts escape - well more specifically, on this panel:

Like that is a perfect final shot imho.

(Also I might mirror it with the opening shot. Like I wouldn’t open on Guts fucking an apostle lmao, I don’t actually dislike that opening but it doesn’t fit this theoretical adaption. So how about we open on a long shot of Black Swordsman Guts surrounded by the ghosts he’s fighting, that mimics this?)

Ooh I might also… I might stick the Lost Children arc in between Snake Man and Count Slug. Ugggh there are some logistical issues to untangle there, but I really, really want Jill/Rosine Guts/Griffith parallels, and I want ghosts taunting Guts about becoming a monster like his friend. Subtlety is for cowards. Oh except we wouldn’t’ve seen Femto yet so that wouldn’t work. Well, “like him” then instead of “like your friend.” There now it’s foreshadowing 2 ways.

the climax of the story is the moment of sacrifice because there’s no Eclipse rape, Casca dies shortly after Judeau, and Guts’ horror at being sacrificed by Griffith is the emotional low point. Potentially no gtsca either if I can figure out a way to incorporate Guts’ stupid dream speech somewhere else. Maybe it can be a flashback during the Wyald fight, which I’d keep incidentally, sans attempted rape, w/ Guts talking to Erica. Actually yeah that would be perfect and immediately tie Guts’ “dream” of fighting stronger and stronger enemies with fighting monsters lol, meaning I could bypass Guts’ post Eclipse war declaration that draws that comparison more explicitly.

Boom, Berserk is now a nice little self-contained tragic story about two dudes each becoming solitary monsters because they abandoned each other for abstract dreams, and threw aside the potential for true emotional healing (relationships) for shallow coping mechanisms (swords/dreams). Uhhh, also Puck is cut. Sorry Puck, ilu but you’re a ray of hope that ruins the vibe here.

And finally since this is my ideal adaptation, the subtext between Guts and Griffith is text. They don’t actually fuck or kiss, because that would avert the Eclipse, but… hm how do you make it clear that they want to fuck but are too repressed to do it and that’s what ruins everything? Okay well Griffith’s torture chamber monologue includes “love” a la the anime dub, and maybe “desire” or “need” to completely remove that ambiguity desperately maintained in the minds of straight people. And Guts… I don’t know that I can go textual lol. The only point in the story he can possibly recognize his own feelings is chapter 71.

Ooh I got it. Just include “at that time he shone before me as something beautiful, noble, and larger than life” after the Count’s backstory lmao. Do you really need more? Well, maybe “he shone before me as something larger than life - noble, and… beautiful.” Or just cut to the chase completely: “At that time, he shone before me as something beautiful, noble, and larger-than-life. I loved him.”

OKAY all that said I feel like this wasn’t really what you’re asking lol since you mentioned a complete adaption. So okay assuming there are no huge major changes to the content or structure of the story, here’s a (stupidly long, like only read this if you for some reason enjoy seeing me ramble for days about minute details lmao) list of some more minor things I’d want to change:

I’d start with the Black Swordsman arc and continue as the manga goes. Yes, in this one Guts still fucks an apostle. This is right before the credits, and it’s depicted as badass and cool. In fact, I might actually split the scene with the credits - start the opening sequence right after Guts blows her up, and resume on this shot with more of a sombre tone:

Like okay that would be pretty cheesy lol, but this is the Black Swordsman arc. It’s supposed to be a little campy, and really unsubtle, and this seems like a fun way of highlighting this little tonal shift.

Relatedly, I would not acknowledge the fact that most people watching already know where it’s going. I would maintain the integrity of the first arc in starting off with Guts as an apparent cool badass and then tearing that down, as well as keeping Griffith’s identity and Guts’ motivation a mystery in theory, and making the Count’s backstory the climax of this arc in a revelatory sense, rather than in an action sense.

To get more general, no fanservice for straight dudes. no one’s tits are randomly out, and when they are they’re drawn realistically and subject to the laws of gravity. casca’s clothes don’t get torn all the time, rosine’s got full moth fuzz coverage, farnese is wearing a shirt when guts takes her hostage and if we need self-flagellation (and tbh I wouldn’t necessarily cut it) it can be in a flashback, etc. Oh except Slan I guess. Her whole character is fanservice so w/e I’ll allow it.

not every woman is in love with and solely motivated by a dude. skip the queen’s completely unnecessary reveal that she was in love with julius, skip casca’s “I lived my life with the intent of sacrificing myself on my unrequited feelings for griffith” bullshit, skip sonia’s crush on neogriffith, skip tf out of schierke’s crush on guts, skip the random period of incest-y bdsm-y vibes in Farnese and Serpico’s backstory that adds nothing lol, skip the suggestions that Farnese is jealous of Casca’s history with Guts, etc

also most sexual assault scenes are cut. Casca is running for her life during the 100 man fight, not from attempted rapists. Wyald does not assault Casca, Farnese is not almost raped by a fucking horse, we chill out a bit on the sexual torture in every bg scene during the conviction arc jfc, Casca’s multiple assaults during that arc are cut, troll rape is cut, you get the point.

I’ll keep Adon’s shitty threats tho bc i feel like some violent misogyny is necessary if i’m not changing everything, but I’d completely lose the comic relief vibe he gets and make Casca’s fight with him properly epic and satisfying. The movie did this a bit better imo, but I’d really remove Adon’s whole boastful loser schtick. That might disappoint some fans, but idc Casca deserves to kill someone who is actually kind of a badass.

There’s a lot of bullshit around gtsca that I’m torn between wanting to cut, and instead wanting to just depict very negatively. Like would it be better if instead of Casca shyly asking Guts how she looks in a dress she just complained about the dress being uncomfortable, ie we completely cut that burgeoning “soft side” bs?

Or would it be better if she still asked him how she looks, then we call back to that moment when she gets awkward about her scars before sex, we keep Judeau musing on how she’s showing a soft side, we call back to that when he tells Guts to save her from leadership, we tie it all together when Guts asks Casca to leave with him, and bring it home by making it abundantly clear that Casca moving from being Griffith’s sword to Guts’ sword is not a positive change.

Like highlight everything negative about it - Guts being a huge dick, the ominous undertone when he invites her along (like cue the creepy cello music when they kiss right before we shift to monsters and behelits lol), all the parallels between him and Griffith wrt their dreams, Guts telling Casca to fuck off while he fights Wyald, maybe even add a moment where Casca actually reflects on how she’s left out of all the dream/equals bullshit and what that says about their priorities and how they see her. Might be a nice lead up to her telling Guts to leave to pursue his dream and be Griffith’s equal.

also maybe show that judeau is wrong about casca being better off away from the hawks? ugh there’s so much that would have to be reworked with her narrative. like if she still has to attempt suicide, again can we ditch the lead up about how it’s because she has an unrequited crush on griffith and just keep it about the fact that she hasn’t slept in a week and she’s on the run and her hawks keep dying and griffith is being tortured and she just stabbed guts and she’s had a very difficult year?

and like, maybe she leapt to accept Guts’ ‘come with me’ offer because she’s exhausted and emotionally overwhelmed, but are you kidding me? While Guts gets an entire narrative arc about abandoning his found family, Casca doesn’t even think about it for a moment before agreeing to ditch them? Can we maybe have some indication about how she feels about the Hawks as a family, maybe some reflection about why she would choose to leave, maybe some second thoughts about it after the Wyald fight when it becomes abundantly clear what her role would be while Guts pursues his dream, like god she’s such a pawn of the narrative, I hate it. Give her some real reasons for doing stuff!

ANYWAY moving on

like the movie, I’d give charlotte more agency in the sex scene w/ griffith, I liked her asking him to stay and moving his hand to her tit herself. I probably would not actually make griffith so out of it though - i enjoyed that in the movie but I don’t necessarily consider it in-character. The way he went from literally crying in the rain to smiling and making charming jokes as soon as Charlotte opened the window in the manga honestly makes perfect sense to me lol. Just uh, make Charlotte into it from the start because there’s zero reason for her not to be other than bad misogynistic cliches?

Also I feel like there’s a balance to be struck between depicting het sex as dude sticks his dick in, woman somehow has a good time a la the manga vs making guts and griffith competent at foreplay and oral a la the movies lol. Like maybe depict the sex scenes as the bad sex they are but Charlotte still feels closer to Griffith afterwards despite not coming from a dude fucking her while thinking about another dude and like, just keep Casca telling Guts he was obviously a virgin afterwards lol.

I guess we’re stuck with the Eclipse rape, but it happens mostly off screen and in close, telling but non-explicit details, like yk, big clawed hand holding a wrist, Casca’s eyes squeezed shut, Femto’s hand on the small of her back (I’m thinking a reversed call back to the wagon scene w/ that to suggest Femto’s motivation being a show of power tbqh). Some would be from Casca’s pov, with maybe one brief moment from Guts’ pov as he loses an eye or something. Keep the movie’s visual reference to Griffith saving her. No pornographic angles. No apostle rape prelude to it. Casca doesn’t have an orgasm. Femto doesn’t stare at Guts. It’s not about Guts at all for either of them, it’s about Femto taking Griffith’s fucked up relationship to sex and expressing it monstrously, and it’s about Casca being betrayed and symbolically negating the agency she fought for since Griffith threw her a sword. Guts’ reaction is horror and fear, not manly heroic outrage. He might still rip off his arm to attack Femto, but that would be because that’s always his reaction to whatever scares him, not for Casca’s sake. Might have to contextualize that with flashbacks to his childhood, or at the very least strong visual parallels to both his childhood and the Zodd + Wyald fights.

I want to cut the fetus, replace it with like a cronenburg-y fucked up dog-like demon in the Black Swordsman arc - not as a literal version of the Beast of Darkness, but just as a metaphor for how Guts’ inner darkness is twisting him into a pathetic asshole lol. But tbh cutting the fetus is a logistical nightmare because Casca needs magic protection during the Conviction arc. So idk. But NGriff doesn’t need it, and his narrative would be more engaging without that scapegoat. Fuck emotional ambiguity, I just want to drop the news that NGriff has feelings, and then not change anything else about his narrative. The themes of isolation and loneliness threaded throughout would just shine through lol it would be great.

I would emphasize the shit out of the Beast of Darkness/Femto parallels. Yeah Guts would still assault Casca in my adaption too. If the Eclipse rape happens, that has to happen because the point is that Guts’ inner darkness is the same. But like, I’d cut the page where beast of darkness guts bites her head off while raping her. Also I’d keep the visual parallel to the Eclipse rape (the v similarly depicted kisses) and add another from Casca’s point of view, or have her flashback then instead of just staying in Guts’ head.

as for the fallout, I’d give Guts a proper scene where he sees himself as a monster, like damn he got more of a self-reflective and telling reaction that time he accidentally killed a random kid, we should get something when he sexually assaults Casca. but overall I’d focus way more on Casca being afraid of him now rather than his mopey guilt. I would also… I mean god this should be addressed in the fact that Guts fucking wears the Berserk armour all the time lol. Like one second he’s all, “omg Flora can put a magic seal on my brand that’ll depower my magical evil jiminy cricket wolf and hopefully prevent me from raping and murdering Casca, that’s great!” and the next second he’s all, “omg magic armour I can wear that will enable me to kill everything with the side effect of superpowering my inner evil wolf and turning on my companions? sign me the fuck up I’m sure nothing bad could possibly happen with that.”

Like what I’m saying is I’d either make Guts a lot more reluctant to use the armour and take Skull Knight’s warnings seriously and genuinely reflect on the fact that mysterious magical children have to prevent him from murdering his friends over and over again, or I’d draw attention to this idiocy and fully commit to Guts as a dumbass hypocrite blithely walking down the path to more tragedy of his own making. and probably the latter based on where the story is likely to be headed lol.

in the lost children arc, I’d give Rosine’s mother more of a role as a good parent who Rosine has a loving relationship with, who tried and failed to stop her father’s abuse or something, because honestly I love the Peekaf story and I find Rosine’s regret at the end as she tries to fly home v powerful, but I hate the idea that she regrets sacrificing her abusive father so maybe this way I can split the difference.

and Jill’s ending where she goes home to endure abuse would be depicted much more darkly.

like straight up I’d depict Jill flying with Rosine as a truly beautiful moment, I would show that Jill has the potential to fulfill Rosine in a way her neverland kidnapping bullshit can’t and that yes, if Jill stayed with Rosine everything might actually work out and with Jill’s influence the whole land of the elves thing could be reworked into less of a nightmare and more of a haven lol. And Guts would absolutely be depicted as fully monstrous in comparison, ruining both these kids’ lives. Like, no ambiguity, no suggestion that Jill learned an important lesson about living with abuse lmao, no implication that Rosine brought her tragic end on herself by not being a good enough child abuse victim, just Guts sowing tragedy wherever he goes.

I have no idea how to deal with the conviction arc in general lol, specifically the ultra cynical tone the actual narrative seems to take. Like, the Black Swordsman arc was idealistic compared to the Conviction arc, they clash badly imo. Extremely badly. Like it’s a giant mess. It’s like

Black Swordsman Guts: fuck everyone who dies because they weren’t strong enough to deal with my existence. *turns and wipes away a tear* *lets a zombie kid stab him* *evokes pity from puck*Conviction Guts: fuck everyone who dies because they weren’t strong enough to deal with my existence. *poses with his sword in one hand and the rescued love interest in the other* *the crowd cheers* *luca nods sagely*

yk it’s just… awkward. It’s hard to mitigate through like, film choices yk, because a lot of it is due to the circumstances. Guts telling Puck innocent people are just ants under his feet is much different than Guts refusing to let the big bad kill Casca by telling him that tens of thousands of people can and should die because they pray too much lmao, no matter what music plays in the background. Guts’ attitude is the same, the narrative’s attitude is contradictory.

Maybe I could make Guts less of a dick and cut a lot of those cynical moments? Not really call attention to the fact that Guts is effectively sacrificing tens of thousands of refugees for Casca, or more accurately, for his own desire to feel like a hero since he isn’t even the one who saves Casca, he got distracted trying to fight the fake Godhand.

Or lol maybe I’ll just have Isidro point that out in like, a smug way. Maybe I’ll have NeoGriffith personally thank him for his contribution to his resurrection. I mean I really want to call this questionable shit into question, yk? Not to declare Guts wrong for wanting to save Casca, but to declare his cavalier idgaf attitude a big problem that has consequences. Which would actually tie in nicely with emphasizing Guts’ dumbassery in brushing off Skull Knight’s warnings about the armour and insisting it’s nbd. lol I really hope this is what Miura’s going for, just more subtlely.

Actually I wonder if I could get away with cutting Isidro out entirely. Anyone could’ve saved Casca there.

Oh I’d cut the hell out of a lot of Guts’ fight scenes in the MF arc, and if I could possibly get away with it I’d cut out everything on the beach after Skull Knight’s ominous warning. Like this might end up being the Griffith show for a while because Guts’ half is a fucking slog. And of course I’d cut the entire boat trip. They get on a boat, they get off a boat, the end.

Okay I need to stop somewhere. I’m ignoring a lot of later stuff because it’s so dependent on where the story’s going now that Casca is awake etc. Like eg the Moonlight Boy. Can I cut him? Give him a more ominous tone? Emphasize the saccharine tone he evokes for the sake of pulling the rug out from under the audience later? Will I be forced to make huge changes anyway because I can’t stand where the story ended up going? Idk it depends.

If I could tho I’d definitely cut Magnifico, Isidro, Ivalera, mermaid… like Farnese, Serpico, and Schierke are the only characters on Guts’ side who contribute to the story in a meaningful way. And without Isidro Puck could again too.

Oooh yk one thing that might be nice would be framing Farnese as the main protagonist of Guts’ half of the story during the MF arc. Just focus on her, show more stuff from her perspective, cut down a lot of fights but keep her digression back home, maybe give her some additional content that explores her character shift better, show her struggling more with her own inner darkness a bit when she first joins and give her some character beats as she slowly grows more comfortable with Casca, maybe put her backstory chapters in the first episode of a new season (a great season ender would be Guts walking away from the Hill of Swords js), etc.

lmao god I feel like I could keep going forever. sorry this is so meandering but ty for giving me the opportunity to go on and on about this. Is there anything you’d really like to change yourself?

[ryttu3k]

Aw yeah we're going round 7. Going to try thinblood again!

Will try my 'main' run. High-humanity, siding with Gor. Aleki, instead of fixing computers, was a PhD student, but still enjoyed going dancing. Still had an ex, named Marios. First conviction: protect the innocent (and the reason for his name, lbr). We're going with Tzimisce origin for my thinblood runs, so Auspex first, then Animalism (because I goddamn love that Animalism-second description. Stole a poodle! It was an accident, really). Then, cap it off with Obfuscate (always useful!) and Fortitude. Second conviction, don't kill. Feminine guy, there's no option for like... forestcore (frogs! Mushrooms!) so I went with quirky librarian lmao. He is going to be so Soft(tm).

Started a romance route with Gor. Why not :D

Bat friend bat friend!! Let's call her Nyx!

Nyx joins you on the way home, flying above your head in circles, like some kind of cursed halo. Before you enter the house, it actually sits on your shoulder. Markos is there, staring at you, a questioning look on his face, one eyebrow raised.

"Yes, what?" you say. "I am the night."

Still defended Gor, still sucked at diplomacy so he seemed more amused than anything, we're now having a Moment in an alley and just had a first kiss :3

"I'm not playing," you say.

He doesn't answer. He pulls you closer again, but he doesn't kiss you. Instead, he puts his hands on your face, wipes away the rain and looks at you for a long time, the way someone would do if trying to memorize your features. He traces your bone structure with his fingers, as if he might discern there some truth, some prophecy of what will come of this connection between you.

"Neither am I," he says then. "I am too old for games. Too old and too tired." He pauses. "And I have been manipulated for too long, in too many ways. I need someone true, now."

"Do you trust me?"

He takes a moment, then nods, and nods again. "Yes," he says. "Yes. Even if it means my end, I'd rather exist in a world where I can trust you, than spend whatever time I have left in suspicion and misery." He kisses you again. Then, he whispers your name, just once. "Aleki."

Like a promise.

Spared Savvas. Should be interesting later on.

The thinblood PC running into the sunlight ;_;

You feel unwell, but your skin greets the sunlight with the hunger of a flower kept in the dark for too long.

And you don't burn.

You don't burst into flames.

The light is getting stronger as the sun rises.

And you, you raise your eyes to meet it.

F to Aleki sorry about that frenzy bby.

Ohh boy moment of truth. Let's see if we can evade Kapriel XD;;

That. That would be a nope :( Aaand blood-bound. This time, dragged back to Sophia, who then dragged poor Aleki to the Prince, then basically just went 'oh yeah lol you're a thinblood'. In this version, Neoptolemos plotted with Sophia due to the Prince killing his thinblood lover. Prince dispatches Sophia and Neoptolemos and poor Aleki gets branded.

Oof. Wasn't quite persuasive enough to convince Selene to let Aleki take her place :(

Poor guy is having a Time. SI shows up and basically wipes out the Camarilla (but hey, got an achievement!), Kapriel finds Aleki and keeps him in a fucking well, eventually gets rescued by Vole thank you Vole ilu. Poor guy is in a state - lost his current lover, lost his ex, Persa leaves under bitter circumstances. Turns out saving Savvas did do something - the end scene is now with him, two melancholy people who lost everything.

At dawn, when you get home, you find it on your mind, in the darkness behind your eyelids: a great maw, its teeth sharp and plentiful, its Hunger insatiable, familiar. It, Aristovoros, the Beast; it's all the same thing, after all, isn't it? You reach out your hand and touch it.

And then, for a moment, for the briefest, most fleeting of moments, the Beast is not a Beast at all. Only a man. He has your face, answers to your name. He opens his mouth and swallows you.

The End

Damn ;_;

Time for Sins of the Sires! Going to liveblog my first run here. The writer's last game emotionally ruined me so this should be interesting.

My character will be Elias Katsaros, or, essentially, AU Pyre XD Fixed computers, went dancing in clubs. Let's go with Julian as an ex! Disciplines... not seeing Blood Sorcery there. Going with Obfuscate for the first one, then Celerity, which should hopefully lead to it. Third discipline... hmm, Animalism, Auspex, Dominate, Fortitude, or Potence... fuck it, Auspex. Then Animalism. Damn this is one tanky neonate. 9 dots in disciplines already!

Oh yeah this definitely has similar vibes to Rent-a-Vice so far, writing-wise.

"No. I believe in justice, not authority." Hashtag just little Banu Haqim things.

Vole didn't laugh at, "Your pizza's here!" :(

Interesting that he came back from the Beckoning.

I love the aesthetic choices tbh. Soft goth, death metal, quirky librarian, hipster dude, indie pop rock, boho, corporate sleek, "...just, normal?". Let's go with... hipster vibes for Elias!

"But right now, you're a Hipster sipping from a blood bag like it's a goddamn artisanal coffee drink."

Persa please be nice :(

This whole situation is sad. Poor Selim and Andre.

I do like Gor. He seems to be a romance option (along with Persa and Markos, so far), although I'll just keep it relatively platonic for now.

Fuck it no matter what version Pyre's a softie. That's a Masquerade breach, probably XD;;

omg bat. Bat bat bat bat bat friend. Your name shall be Batty Koda and I shall love you <3

lmao whoops wrong choice of name XD 'Martha motions you in. "This is Elias, a friend." The stumble of hesitation before the word "friend" is almost imperceptible. "Elias, this is Elias."' Other Elias seems sweet, at least.

Elias just deathstaring the murderous seneschel godspeed bby. Oh hey, Dio looks funky but the words, "It was me, Dio!" just slammed into the side of my head.

Re: Kapriel, the Banu Haqim primogen and Gor's sire:

'Why do you have the feeling he knows you? And even more than that, that he dislikes you?

And that, maybe, you know him, too?'

I mean I am gunning for Banu Haqim. Maybe he's our sire?

Neoptolemos sounds like the kind that may turn on the Prince. Hmmm!

Oh the casual misogyny and cover-ups. FUCK HIM UP GOR.

'"I don't need you to defend me to a bunch of monsters," he spits.

The only thing that saves your relationship is how bad you actually are at diplomacy, which he finds almost endearing.'

An attempt was made XD;;

Oh boy. If the BH Primogen is our sire, I already dislike him XD;;

'Savvas smiles, showing off his bloodless gums. "First of all, I'm vegan, so cows are safe with me," he says. "But, more importantly, a cow cannot consent," he continues. "I can, and I did."'

Savvas said animal rights. Probably not so much human rights, but animal rights, at least XD;;

Poor guy :(

Ooh man. I wonder if the greyed-out options after Markos marks a blood sigil means I ended up with Banu Haqim and Elias' bane is about to kick in? Oh never mind it was a vision.

Bat baby survived <3

Usurper? :( Not the result I wanted, oh boy XD;;

Well this is fucked up! Aristovoros' cult, maybe? This is a hell of a Masquerade breach if it is.

'Quickly, you unfold the piece of paper. "Amphitryon is dead," the message reads. "Gor is wanted for murder."

> Good for Gor, if he got that asshole.'

Fuck him up bby <3

Oof. Was that a frenzy? Kicked in very... gently, hm.

Oh, hmm! Maybe siding with hunters for this ending? Elias invoked his humanity and said there were worse than him around, and offered to help work with the woman to find them. That could be interesting, actually!

Persa where the fuck are we going :|

Oh goodie they want me to kill Gor. Preeeeetty much already decided I'm Not Doing That XD;;

I s2g every time Batty Koda shows up I get anxious he's gonna get hurt ;_;

Hell yeah made it out. Kinda wonder how this'd go on a romance route, too.

'Gor hesitates, but then you see something settle inside him. He's made up his mind, and he's going to see this through. "I know who your sire is," he says. "You're not going to like it."

"Why?"

"Because I know him well. Because he's mine, too, and I know first-hand the burden of heredity."'

OH. CALLED IT. I guess each clan has a different sire option? Along with Banu Haqim, there's also Tremere, Ventrue, Malkavian, or Thinblood; not sure about Thinblood, but the other options may be Markos actually being your sire for Tremere, the Prince for Malkavian, or Sophia for Ventrue? "Unmask your true sire. Is it the Prince Peisistratos? One of the city's Primogen? Is it Aristovoros himself?" Hm, do we know what clan Aristovoros is?

Sibling found <3 Kinda glad didn't romance him, haha. I'm liking the familial vibe, honestly. On our way out of Greece, with our sibling and bat friend!

Aaand it's our sire. Time to run away!

Interesting, seems like we're officially going to affiliate with the Anarchs?

Mm. Not great circumstances. I'm noting some interesting themes along the same lines of Rent-a-Vice, here - agency and having the ability to choose your own bad choices. There, it's the Feeders; here, the ghouls.

Hey this guy is a dick :( (Also, Gor? Definitely the MVP, and I totally want him to meet Raul.)

...augh :( Gor dies defending Elias. Elias escorted back to Athens to be sacrificed. Okay this isn't good.

Hm! Okay, so that sire option is definitely. Not an option lmao

Okay that plan didn't go so well. Got chills at the Beast speaking.

Persa's letter ;_;

That was a ride! Lots more achievements and endings and paths to do, but that's the first playthrough done!

[lady-on-the-grey]

So I was tagged in a thing by @lesblion for this thing

the last 1. drink: coffee or water 2. phone call: my bubbie 3. text message: marty! (@teabank if you want their blog) 4. song you listened to: well right now I’m listening to a shit ton of Miyazaki movie music, all by Joe Hisaishi of course. But that’s not really songs, so I guess the last song I listened to was Rouge No Dengon from Kiki’s Delivery Service, which does have lyrics and is all fun. I’m kind of on a Ghibli kick rn, any other day this answer wouldv’ve probably been some Mitski or LAKE song. 5. time you cried: recently I think, but I can’t remember specifics. time isn’t real

6. dated someone twice: not applicable, I don’t date at all screw that shit 7. kissed someone and regretted it: once more, not applicable 8. been cheated on: n/a 9. lost someone special: that’s kind of vague. does this mean death? or just them being gone? Because I kind of have both 10. been depressed: that’s a loaded question 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: never been drunk.

3 favorite colors 12. black 13. grey (you may have noticed a theme) 14. olive green? maybe? I love colors, but I don’t wear them much lol, so I dunno, I don’t really have favorite colors. There’s different very lovely colors for every occasion. I like red. Anything is cool, depends on my mood

in the last year have you 15. made new friends: yes! I plan to keep my friend group small still, I like having a small amount of people to keep in contact with and all, but yes, I’ve made several very good friends! 16. fallen out of love: love is fake lol 17. laughed until you cried: I think? Yeah I have 18. found out someone was talking about you: yeah, I don’t really have to find that out, people do it all the time and I hate it, but it’s a very common aspect of my life. I’m used to it 19. met someone who changed you: I dunno, I feel like it would take a lot to change me in a big way, but everyone changed you a little at least. I probably have. If I have I probably haven’t noticed it, that’s difficult to track though. (I would like to point out the very nice and good response Ariel had for this one, ilu buddy! You’re the greatest!) 20. found out who your friends are: I guess so. What does this mean exactly? 21. kissed someone on your Facebook list: what’s a facebook

general 22. how many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: see number 21 23. do you have any pets: YESSS I have five cats! Three adults and two kittens. (Warning, sadness ahead) We used to have another cat but he recently passed, and we all miss him very much. I know it’s weird to mention that in this question, but it feels weird and wrong not to mention for me. We had him for like my whole life. 24. do you want to change your name: I used to really want to go by my middle name, Grey. I feel ambivalent now. I’m okay with my name, it’s a bit boring, but I don’t mind it. It’s a nice name, I don’t think it suits me. Plus I don’t like that my first name is the last name of a neo nazi lol, but that’s not that big a deal. It just puts a sour taste in my mouth. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: I went out to get Polynesian food and hibachi and stuff. I was very stressed and anxious the whole night. I think a few days later or before @gummybird took me to see a cure for wellness, which was one of THE worst films we’ve ever seen in theaters. And we go to the movie theater to specifically watch bad movies together. He also gave me a DS and a bunch of mini kit kats. Thank you Jay (I know it’s been like like more than four months, shush, thank you anyway) 26. what time did you wake up: which time? I wake up like five separate times every damn morning. I’ve set three different alarms with different tones at completely different times to ensure I’ll get up at a reasonable hour, and I still fall asleep immediately after turning them off. 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: showering 28. name something you can’t wait for: @nicehairprincess AND @listeningforpudding COMING BACK TO AMERICA THIS MONTH!!! They’re gonna be here tomorrow for the party my mom is throwing at our house that I don’t want to be at lol (parties make me anxious as all hell) 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: maybe 40 mins ago 31. what are you listening to right now: a fan in my room 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: probably 33. something that is getting on your nerves: my brother is a little pissbaby who gets defensive at everything and can’t ever admit he was wrong. My mom does the same thing. It get’s on my nerves every day 34. most visited website: tumbo dot com

35. hair colour: dirty blond 36. long or short hair: on the long end of short. I’m thinkong of either growing it out of getting one of those cute little fluffy furly mohawk lookin’ things. I wanna do something new with it 37. do you have a crush on someone: see numbers 6, 7, or 16. You’ll notice a theme happening here. 38. what do you like about yourself: next question (I legitimately hate everything about myself, not an over exaggeration. I don’t view it as some tragedy though, I just don’t like myself)

39. piercings: none 40. blood type: blood 41. nickname: god there’s too many. My dad calls me senor speedskate. Everyone else just calls me “that little bitch” 42. relationship status: alone and wouldn’t have it any other way, see number 37 43. zodiac: pisces 44. pronouns: he/him or they/them. tbh I don’t give a shit about pronouns, I probably wouldn’t use any if that wasn’t the most inconvenient thing. The only reason I primarily use he/him is because I’m used to it 45. favourite tv show: gravity falls yo! but it’s over and I’m still crying. my favorite show that’s currently still running is star vs,I can’t wait for the update!! 46. tattoos: none. I may or may not ever get one, I don’t really care 47. right or left handed: right

48. surgery: none? Once I had to get stitches on my head after i cracked it open on a radiator 49. sport: ew, that’s a slur 50. vacation: when I was like 4 my family went to disney? then every summer up until I was in like fifth grade I think we rented a beach house for the last week of summer 51. pair of trainers: ???? is this code or something? Do I need to break out a cryptogram book?

MORE GENERAL 52. eating: right now? nothing 53. drinking: nothing 54. i’m about to: stare blankly into space for four hours then probably shower at way too early in the morning like I usually do 55. waiting for: goddamn anything to happen 56. want: to be less of a sadsack boring peice of nothing lol 57. get married: how dare you say the m word to me 58. career: animator and a lot of other things probably, but the man=in thing is animation and writing

WHICH IS BETTER 59. hugs or kisses: hugs, but please don’t make me do too many. If I hug you it’s fine, if you hug me we got a problem 60. lips or eyes: both, duh. I fnd them both to be visually interesting 61. shorter or taller: both are good, but I’m tall, which I prefer for me 62. older or younger: um what 63. nice arms or nice stomach: why should I choose, they’re just bodies. I don’t care how other’s look so long as mine is good 64. hook up or relationship: hook up but I’ve never done one and probably never will lol. Ain’t no great tragedy 65. troublemaker or hesitant: the two aren’t mutually exclusive. I’m very much both

HAVE YOU EVER: 66. kissed a stranger: no 67. drank hard liquor: no, because taking sips from my older sibling’s cups doesn’t count. The most I’ve had is a beer equivalent like 5% abv thing. It was cherry flavored. But that’s not hard liquor 68. lost glasses/contact lenses: my eyes are in working order, I don’t need those 69. turned someone down: it’s a hobby of mine 70. sex on the first date: I don’t date, binch 71. broken someone’s heart: how would I know that 72. had your heart broken: this is vague but it probably means romantic, so no 73. been arrested: no 74. cried when someone died: not when a human being died, but there have been cats. and friends nearly dying that got me hella upset. 75. fallen for a friend: look, I have some very nice friends but not on your goddamn life

DO YOU BELIEVE IN: 76. yourself: did you not read the little shpeil I had about hating myself? Also, it depends 77. miracles: cat’s count as miracles I think 78. love at first sight: no 79. santa claus: I’m an adult. No 80. kiss on the first date: ??? is that somthing I can or cannot beleive in?? it exists whether I do it or not??? 81. angels: no, though the thought is nice, but no

OTHER: 82. current best friend’s name: I have several best friends, I don’t like to categorize my friends, it feels weird, but I’ll just say that Jay and Beck are my closest friends  83. eye colour: like this really muted blue 84. favourite movie: Coraline. But I have a lot of favorites, I talk about them frequently.

I tag @cllusterfuck  and @teabank I guess? and anybody who wants to

[spaceorphan18]

Finding Kurt Hummel: The Break-Up

Masterpost

4x04: The Break-Up

Alright - time to rip off the Band-Aid.  It’s been four and a half years, and I think that’s been ample enough time to revisit this episode with a clear head and an open mind.  

This episode, though, man.  It split an already fracturing fandom in half, and it really never recovered.  And I think stories about fandom and what went on at the time really out does the story here itself.  

I will say, though as an aside, that season 4 was meant to be a new and fresh series -- the introduction of the Newbies symbolizes that.  The whole idea of makeovers symbolizes that.  And hitting the self-destruct button on all the popular couples was a symbol of that.  From what I can tell, the writers wanted a fresh start with season 4.  

And while I like season 4 (more than season 3), and while I think that Klaine needed some actual story, I don’t think the mentality that the show needed to start over was the best one for the longevity of the show.   However, there’s another time and place for that discussion.  I’m mainly focusing on the story itself here.  

Anyway, it’s funny to me -- that there really isn’t /that/ much Klaine in this episode.  Just enough to do the damage it did, and shake up the the couple -- who never really fully come back together until the end of the series.  It’s a fascinating and frustrating arc - and here we go..... 

Some Introductory Notes

Before we get into the Kurt stuff -- something I need to add.

The paralleling of Finchel.  One thing that does outright frustrate me is that Klaine doesn’t get to be their own story.  No, Finchel and Klaine have very different things going on within their relationships, I get that.  But the thing is -- Finchel gets meatier things to do.  I understand that they’re the A-Couple, and that the show wants to do more with them, therefore they get better development.  But selfishly, as a Klainer, throughout the season it’s difficult seeing Finn and Rachel get developed conversations while Kurt and Blaine get a watered down version of a similar thing.  But more than that -- this is one time I wish Glee wasn’t so hell bent on paralleling all their stories -- because everyone’s stories work better on their own, not being tied to someone else’s. 

I would say Brittana had it easier being a more individual story, but they were neglected for a long, long time after this, so you know, issues everywhere, lol. 

Brunch

Before we jump to Kurt --  Blaine and Brittany are lamenting about their relationships in the opening sequence.  Blaine talks about remembering when every day felt like Valentine’s Day.  And that’s where I think that both Kurt and Blaine fail a little bit.  Relationships are not always going to feel like Valentine’s Day.  Sometimes they’ll be hard.  A lot of times not.  But sometimes yes. And this reliance on how everything is perfect -- how everything is their storybook romance -- is what does them both in.  It doesn’t allow for either of them to make mistakes.  

We open Kurt’s story with him cooking breakfast -- and is in a relatively good mood.  Oh, bb, the fact that you are so unaware of what’s going to happen in the next few days makes this even more heartbreaking.  

I need to note that Kurt wore earplugs to bed -- as he did probably did in high school cause he did not want or need to hear any of /that/.  

But anyway -- Kurt senses there’s some major drama about to happen in Finchel land, and he has no desire to be any part of that.  He’s gonna go sneak off to the park and watch drug deals, lol.  

BTW - during the next Brittana scene, there’s some Kurt shade, as Santana talks about how improbable it was for Kurt to get the internship.  The show knows, sometimes, when it’s being ridiculous.  And as I said in the previous episode, it’s not about realism.  It’s about the character story. 

Call Waiting

While Kurt’s gonna somewhat fuck this moment up  -- I’d like to point out that he’s the one who called Blaine.   Also - Blaine’s pic of Kurt is Kurt’s student election campaign poster.  

Alright - so this one little scene has a lot packed into it.  

First of all -- you can tell they’re at least trying.  They have phone dates, that I assume they both set up.  But I’m guessing that Kurt -- being caught up with this crazy new job, and having to take care of phones for Vogue.com, probably is keeping him understandably busy.  

Yes. This scene points out that going out in the real world after high school is different.  You have more responsibilities.  And things that were important in high school seem smaller when you go off to college.  

Blaine, however, is still a year behind, and still in that world that Kurt left.  And Blaine is not handling things well on his own.  As he says often -- he’s a bit lost, and unsure what to do on his own.  But this is also where the fear of losing Kurt comes to head.  Blaine’s insecurities and self-doubt are all rolled into one, and couple that with Kurt being carried away with this new life brings Blaine to the (incorrect) conclusion that Kurt doesn’t need (or want) him anymore.  And that his relationship is done.  

Kurt misses Blaine.  There’s a lot in his facial expressions that show he really does.  When Blaine lists off all the things he misses doing with Kurt (note - the implication that they both miss the emotional and physical parts of their relationship (my god, they’re allowed to mention they have sex)) Kurt is right there with him, frustrated by the situation, too.  

But I think the thing that is somewhat missed during these break-up discussions is that Kurt isn’t exactly handling all of this well either.  Kurt trying to express to Blaine that with the absence of NYADA he has to find some direction, and Vogue.com might be that opportunity that he shouldn’t miss, isn’t exactly the easiest conversation.  (Not to mention that Kurt doesn’t seem to do well in general when Blaine gets overly clingy.)

Also - Blaine’s looking for some kind of comfort, and instead Kurt’s hanging up on him to get the latest gossip from Joan Didion.  Not cool, Kurt.  

But -- as I’m sure I’m being a broken record -- neither is dealing with this long distance stress well.  Blaine is under the impression that the worst has happened, Kurt has forgotten about him, and his relationship is over.  Meanwhile, Kurt is ignoring the issues as much as possible, believing these things will all magically work out.  Nope to both. 

Also - Blaine’s ILU as Kurt hangs up.  Ouch. 

Haunted

Alright - so this is the part that’s hard for me to untangle because we’re in Blaine’s brain here -- and I’m not always the best a figuring his head out. 

Blaine’s singing this duet with Finn -- and it’s about the two of them feeling out of place and out of sync with their significant other.   And Blaine’s haunted by the Kurt he sees in his head - this vision of Kurt from when they first met (Vision Kurt is wearing the same outfit from Never Been Kissed).  There was a time, in Blaine’s head, when everything was perfect and man he’d like to go back to that time so he can feel okay. 

But interestingly, Vision Kurt is season 4 Kurt, too.  A Kurt who has changed, and is not the same person that Blaine used to know.  He’s almost this foreign entity that seems like he’s judging Blaine. 

So, here’s my interpretation (which Blaine stans can correct me on if I’m totally off).  Through the circumstances of his life and his type of personality, Blaine craves emotional validation and is the type of person who needs to be told (and told again) that he’s valuable and needed and wanted and worth being with, etc. And Kurt used to feed that emotional neediness on a regular basis when it was the two of them and they did everything together. 

Now that Kurt’s gone, Blaine is not getting that reassurance on a regular basis and because of that he feels lost.  He tries reach out to Kurt (as shown at the beginning of the sequence) but Kurt’s not there.  So Blaine decides to take the easy path (the dark side!!) and find someone who will quickly fill that validation.  And this is where Eli C and the cheating comes in.  Maybe if he can find that intimacy with someone else he’ll be able to feel better -- and it will help take away the sting of feeling left behind by Kurt.  

It’s also a rash decision, btw, one where Blaine clearly didn’t think it all the way through.  Because it’s really going to blow up in his face.  But -- here’s my thing, there are a lot of things that go into this, and it’s even more complicated, I think, than I’m giving it credit for.  But I’m going to move on and get back to Kurt, since it is my Kurt meta.  I’m hoping that when I do the podcast, lots of smart Blaine fans will help me untangle this further. 

Callbacks

So, I guess Kurt decided it was fine to go play third wheel with Finn and Rachel, lol? But anyway - Kurt’s getting all dressed up to go sing at a bar.  I don’t know much about clothing meta, but I’m sure someone can discuss the purpose of black and red in the wardrobe.  Not to mention, I read something about the usage of mirrors in this episode, but I don’t remember what.  

I will say -- I never thought about the name Callbacks before, but I think it’s intentional - not just because of the connotation to the theater world, but because this is a callback to the good ole days for Finchel and Klaine.  And yet, it’s not the good ole days anymore. 

This is totally the face of someone who is unhappy their boyfriend showed up unexpectedly.  (Actually - the longer I stare at it, the creepier it gets, lol)  

Also - remember that meme of people who bring foliage to the loft means bad things? Blaine brings roses -- this is not going to be good. 

I don’t know what’s with me and taking ridiculous screencaps.  But I love Kurt hiding behind his flowers.  (He’s actually smelling them.)  

But man - I mean, best night ever, right? His boyfriend is there unexpectedly.  (And they share a kiss -- why does stupid Rachel have to interrupt that?)  His brother is there.  They’re gonna go singing.  Best night ever, right? 

They go to Callbacks, which is so, so pretty.  I love all the Christmas lights.  

And, oh Kurt.  He really just doesn’t get it.  He’s happy Blaine’s there and they can start making their New York memories.  He does see that Blaine’s sad -- he’s obviously but not blind.  But he has no idea that Blaine’s been struggling to the extent that he’s been struggling.  Kind of like in Dance With Somebody.  Kurt sometimes doesn’t get it until Blaine spells it out for him.  

And I would like to state right here that while I do think its both of their issues that lead to this break up, while I do think Kurt was (unintentionally) being neglectful of his relationship -- as Blaine says himself in DWS -- ‘talk to me, tell me you’re unhappy, but don’t cheat on me.’  And I didn’t bring that up to throw back in Blaine’s face (I kind of hated that when people did that) - it’s more of -- this is a lot more difficult when you’re on the other side of the fence.  

And these two have always had issues with communication.  Tell each other your feelings you stupid boys!!! 

Oh Kurt -- you’re just in such a happy place before all this goes down.  

Blaine, as he sits down at the piano, says he’s going to sing a song -- the same song he sang when he first met the love of his life.  A song that has become very much their song, and is representative of this fairy tale romance they have going.  And look at Kurt’s face -- he’s over-joyous that Blaine’s singing this song.  He loves this.  He loves that it’s supposed to be a romantic overture yet again.  

There’s a lot of love and reflection on Kurt’s face as Blaine starts singing.  

And this might be a good place to talk about a misstep Kurt has within his relationship.  Blaine has been all these wonderful things for Kurt.  His prince, his knight, his first kiss, his first love.  They’ve shared so, so many intimate moments together.  But -- Kurt sometimes has trouble seeing Blaine as a real boy -- one who isn’t perfect, who won’t just wait around for him when Kurt needs him, who has troubles and issues and is going through something a bit bigger than Kurt understands. 

But this song -- this break down that Blaine has is the first time Kurt really, really gets to see first hand that his relationship is not fairy tale perfect.  The illusion is coming apart. 

This scene, this rendition of Teenage Dream, is one of the most powerful and heartbreaking scenes in the entire show.  (I mean, Kudos to Darren Criss for this -- I think it’s one of his best acted scenes in the show.)  It’s ironic in so many ways, as the performance just goes off the rails. It’s fascinating how Blaine just breaks down -- he is no Disney prince here.  He’s a slobbering mess, rushing through the whole thing because it’s all too painful.  And man, how many of these lines are just plain ironic now?

And the longer it goes on, the more Kurt knows that things are wrong, that something is terribly, utterly wrong, though there’s confusion in his expressions as well.  What the fuck happened? He doesn’t know.  But this isn’t the Blaine he’s used to.  And he doesn’t really know what is going on. 

Not Really a Walk in the Park

You guys remember when this scene was filmed, and there were people who witnessed it first hand (why did they shoot this in public?) and that was a sucky night for fandom? At least Chris and Darren seemed to have fun, lol. 

Anyway -- I need to bring up American Horror Story for a second.  Why? Because at the time Ryan Murphy was writing the first season of that.  And in that season, at the beginning, the husband cheats on the wife, and the scene where the wife confronts the husband is almost exactly verbatim this next Klaine scene.  It, like, freaked me out when I watched it -- and then I checked the dates and that AHS episode was written before this.  

This whole cheating thing is a trope that Ryan Murphy goes back to again, and again.  I don’t know why.  But I feel like that framework should be kept in mind when discussing RM’s projects.  I can’t not look at it in that light.  And while we can talk about legit reasons as to why Blaine decided to cheat -- I feel like it can’t be stressed enough that this is also a trope that’s indicative of Ryan Murphy -- and that he has a tendency to write all his couples this way.  And that cheating in RM’s world is somewhat a different thing than cheating in the real world. 

But on the bright side, that AHS couple worked it out in the end.  And so will Klaine. 

Getting back to the scene.... 

When we start out, there’s a physical distance between the two of them.  They’re not holding hands, Blaine has his hands in his pockets.  Kurt’s unsure how to act.  I’m guessing this relationship has never felt this awkward for either of them.  And Kurt can’t avoid the inevitable forever -- so addresses the subject straight on.  

Kurt’s so nervous as he asks Blaine what’s going on.  He can feel it, feel that this is not going to be a fun conversation.  

And then Blaine says he was with someone - and the bottom just drops out completely.  Because out of all the things he was worried about -- Kurt probably never thought that Blaine would say that. 

Oh man, do these two know how to hurt each other in the worst ways.  

To Blaine, removing the emotional intimacy has been the worst.  But to Kurt -- removing physical intimacy has always brought about his insecurities.  As we’ve often talked about, touch is a huge thing to Kurt.  He doesn’t let anyone in, he doesn’t let just anyone touch him.  And here’s this boy who Kurt’s let in, and having that connection, not just that emotional connection but the physical connection - where sex and love are intertwined and where Blaine being close to him was not only Kurt’s way of knowing he was valuable but Kurt showing how vulnerable he can be, of letting Blaine into his heart, is incredibly important.  

And here Blaine says that no only has he had that physical intimacy with someone else, but he shared something Kurt considers sacred with a person who doesn’t really matter.  (Kurt is first fearful that it was Sebastian -- someone who has always brought about Kurt’s insecurities.  But having it be someone faceless.  Someone who doesn’t ultimately matter is almost worse.)  

And this just shatters Kurt.  The person he thought he loved and knew more than anyone else in the world, he doesn’t know any more.  Because never in a million years did he ever think Blaine could hurt him so deeply. 

The temptations line by Kurt is really interesting here.  Did have Kurt have other people hitting on him? Maybe? Maybe not.  But this goes to Kurt believing that his relationship would be fine without tending to it.  Kurt’s fine with commitment.  There could be one guy, there could be fifty.  He loves Blaine, he’s with Blaine, that’s all that matters.  And he’s secure with that.  But, love and relationships are more than just believing everything’s going to be okay as Kurt finds out here.  

I’ve seen this comment floating around, and I agree with the assessment -- usually the show lets Kurt pretty cry.  Kurt’s break down here is not pretty.  It’s downright ugly crying.  (And this is where I give Chris kudos for his acting.  Damn, I can’t imagine going to that place take after take.) 

Anyway - it’s fascinating that everything changes from this moment forward.  No more fairy tale romance.  Welcome to the adult world kiddos. 

So -- instead of extending the argument -- we move into the song Don’t Speak.  Which was, apparently, Darren Criss’s suggestion. Thanks Darren. Lol. 

It works well for this group of singers -- it’s heart-wrenching and works well for both of these couples.  It’s not a personal favorite, because this song depresses me to no end, but it works. 

Breaking it down a little -- 

Blaine sings: 

I really feel That I'm losing my best friend I can't believe this could be The end

That stands out to Blaine’s headspace.  It’s not just about the romantic relationship -- it’s the fact that the friendship isn’t intact as it once was either. And I think that’s a huge element that they both miss throughout this break up. 

Kurt (with Rachel): 

It looks as though you're letting go And if it's real, well, I don't want to know

It’s interesting -- because Kurt, when things get emotionally difficult, had a tendency to not deal with them head on.  Not until he’s forced to, really. 

Kurt and Blaine: 

Don't speak I know what you're thinking I don't need your reasons Don't tell me, cause it hurts

This is the chorus and the main point of the song.  Neither of them really want to deal with it because it sucks.  It’s literally the worse.  And yet -- you have to eventually deal with it anyway. 

Kurt (with Finn): 

Our memories, well, they can be inviting But some are altogether mighty frightening

This is interesting -- I think it’s that the memories aren’t as comforting as they once were.  For Kurt -- everything he once believed was true and good is now tainted, and how do you look back on that fondly? Right now he can’t. 

Blaine (with Rachel): 

As we die, both you and I With my head in my hands, I sit and cry

Oh, Blaine -- this speaks to his helplessness at this point. 

Hey - remember when we wanted Klaine in bed together and they gave us this? FU RIB! 

I actually really like the cinematography out in the park.  That shot with Blaine and Kurt lined up but not actually facing each other is pretty powerful - as it shows where they are now in relation to each other. The stuff in the beds, eh, not a fan of the split screen stuff.  Plus, oy, Finchel-ness.  

I can’t really imagine how the rest of the night went, tbh.  I’m shocked Kurt didn’t kick Blaine to the couch.  But I can only imagine there was a lot of crying, and a lot of not facing each other, and little to no sleep.  And then Kurt left and went into the other room to think.... 

In Mourning

I’m guessing Kurt’s been in that chair for a long time.  He tells Finn that he feels like he’s going to die.  And that six months ago, he would have never guessed this would have happened.  Well no -- you never thought this was going to happen at all.  It’s called life, and life is throwing curveballs.  

Kurt’s waiting up for Blaine -- but later Blaine will say that he left without Kurt talking to him.  What gives?  Well -- Kurt’s so hurt, and so shattered, and it’s a lot to process and take in and I can imagine that even though I think Kurt wants to yell and scream and fight, he’s also emotionally exhausted.  What does he really have to say in right this second? You can’t undo things that have already happened, nothing is going to magically make it all feel better.  So yeah -- I can see Kurt wanting to say so many things, but in the end, it’s easier to just let Blaine go.  

I read some great meta once, and I wish I had a source to back it up, that Kurt doesn’t feel like Kurt here.  And someone wrote about why.  Because Chris usually plays Kurt as poised and controlled in his actions.  And none of that is here.  But this is a Kurt who is emotionally raw and defeated.  He’s just kind of in a state of existing. His heart is broken, his world doesn’t make sense anymore -- he’s just there.  (Man -- I’ll have to see if I can find it -- cause whoever wrote it, wrote a much more eloquent analysis than I ever could.) 

If this episode wasn’t already depressing enough -- consider this....  This is the last time Finn and Kurt have a scene together.  And it’s a little chilling when you think that Kurt’s wearing black, and telling Finn goodbye as he leaves the loft quietly.  Obvious, I’m texturing this on in hindsight.  But it’s already a bittersweet moment.  It’s heartbreaking when looking back. 

I always wished they did a little more with Kurt and Finn as brothers than what they did.  But I’m, weirdly, glad they had this little moment as their last scene. 

///

I have to mention here that we go back to McKinley for a while because Newbie/Jarley drama.  And here’s my thing -- this feels so, so jarring compared to the rest of the episode.  Glee season 4, when not talking about the newbies, kind of goes back to that season 1 adult grittiness.  And all the emotions and break up stuff feels like it’s apart of that.  Stopping midway to do a story about high school students most of us don’t care for yet (or ever) is frustrating -- and really highlights the disconnect between these two different kind of stories.  

Also a note about the Left Behind thing.  I get that this is supposed to be a realization of the theme -- being left behind by someone, as Finn, Blaine, and Brittany are all feeling that.  But did we have to waste so much time with it being a literal thing? 

Also, meanwhile there’s mild trouble with Wemma.  So they get in an argument.  While I’m glad they didn’t break up, yet again, it’s obvious they just wanted to stick them into the final group number.  We could have done without the newbie stuff and had Wemma get an actual story for it to make more sense. 

A Metaphor

Well -- by the time Kurt gets back to work, he’s his composed self again.  Something small that fascinates me -- Kurt’s staring deeply at this note from Blaine, and when his coworker Chase comes in, Kurt jumps a little, startled that his thoughts have been interrupted.  And then Kurt closes off.  He doesn’t give Chase details about what happened, he doesn’t even make eye contact.  Kurt goes inward while he hurts, and takes pain on his own.

He tells Chase:  

Kurt: I’m okay.  I’ll be okay.  

He’s already entering this defiant mode.  He wants to be fine -- he wants all the pain to stop and not to be able to think about it.  Of course, he’s not.  As much as he wants it to, the pain of this break up is deep, and isn’t going to magically go away.  It’s going to take a lot of time and a lot of healing before Kurt really is fine.  But meanwhile, he’s going to try his damnedest to present himself as fine. 

Kurt trying to be fine while trying not to break down crying.  Oh, bb.  

Also this exchange: 

Chase: Is he cute? Kurt: The cutest.

You don’t magically fall out of love with someone when these things happen.  (Not that I wanted Kurt to do that -- but I’m just trying to show the complexity of the situation here.)  Yes, Blaine hurt Kurt very deeply.  But Blaine also loved Kurt very deeply, and Kurt loved him very deeply, and those feelings are very intertwined.  And I feel like that’s an important comment to make -- cause it’ll come back later.  But also because, Kurt can claim he’s fine all he wants, that doesn’t make him actually feel fine.  

So someone might yell at me if I don’t mention the flowers.  Yes, yes, they’re a call back to Asian F -- when Kurt gave Blaine flowers.  Red and Yellow mean friendship and love and a deep connection. Oh, a stab in the heart for sure.  

But -- there are two other big things (that irk me a little) that I need to point out before we leave this scene. 

First of all, Blaine’s note.  I kind of hate it -- because it feels juvenile and belittling of the severity of what Blaine did.  The note doesn’t feel like Blaine, and I just don’t like it.  

Secondly -- it took me forever to figure this out, but Kurt throwing the note away is a metaphor for Kurt dumping Blaine.  That’s when the Klaine v.1 ends.  With a metaphor.  And it bugs me.  Because both Brittana and Finchel get dialogue -- actual scenes that show that their relationships are over.  And Klaine gets a metaphor.  

And no, I don’t know what I would have wanted instead.  And in some ways, Klaine gets better things.  Their story is the one that gets the most development in season 4.  They’re the first ones back to each other.  They get way more focus than Brittana will ever get, and more interaction than Finchel. Their relationship is the least dead? But I suppose there’s that lingering feeling, that I suppose isn’t that fair to say, like the Tongue Tied montage -- I wanted Klaine to have just a little something more.  

////

Kurt isn’t in the episode again until the end.  But before I get there, a couple of points. 

1. When Blaine returns to McKinley he chats a little with Finn -- and Finn (understandably, I may add) berates him for hurting Kurt.  But my heart breaks for Blaine.  Because Finn has come back home too, but he has a support system -- he has his parents, and Will and all the kids look happy to see him.  Blaine is alone.  Really alone.  Oh, bb.  I’m glad you get Sam soon. 

2. Brittana -- I like the scene that they get at the end.  It’s funny, as much as they leave it open ended (this isn’t an official break up) I always felt like it was the most definitive break up of the three. In fact, until they actually got back together in season 5, I thought maybe the show was done with Brittana for good.  (I have to wonder how much fan involvement had something to do with them getting back together.) 

3. Finchel -- I have many thoughts about Finchel. Idk - if you guys are interested, I’ll write up a post.  Long story short - I like their conversation (minus a couple small things) at the end and they were definitely /done/ for a long time.  (The weren’t supposed to get back together until the end of the series.)  

Back to the Start

The ending group number is The Scientist.  And, well, damn, if this isn’t the perfect ending song for this episode -- as it really does well to encompass all of the issues among these couples.  (I suppose, though, it helps when the show purposely gives these couples similar issues and themes to work through.)  It’s an incredibly heart-wrenching and effective performance.  

This song is a reflection of better days and how easy it can be in the beginning and harder as it goes along.  (It’s about a lot of things, I’m simplifying)

But Kurt’s verse: 

I was just guessing At numbers and figures Pulling the puzzles apart

Well, FU again RIB -- as obviously this is a nod to the line in Teenage Dream about being each other’s missing puzzle pieces.  

I should also mention the flashbacks, as there was an uproar about this -- which I don’t believe was unjust.  Finchel and Wemma (who don’t really even have a big conflict in this episode) get a flashback to their first kiss, while Klaine and Brittana noticeably don’t get kisses but other moments.  And with Klaine I sorta by, since that was back to their start.  But still -- if you’re gonna show couples kissing, show them all.  C’mon, Glee.  Don’t piss us off even further.  Klaine’s first kiss would have worked just fine here. 

But anywya... But man, if there isn’t some juicy Kurt-related stuff to sink my teeth into.  Because this is just ‘the incident’ -- and now we have all the repercussions. 

No one ever said it would be this hard Oh, take me back to the start

And thus, the show has officially hit the reset button.  Welcome to a new world, guys.  It’s not gonna be easy.  

[starspatter]

TimSteph & *inhales* 1, 3, 6, 7, 9, 11, 17, 19, 20, 25, 26, 27 aaand 29

ilu thank you for asking Again, this is DCAU only (i.e. for Timmy Todd).  Spoilered for length.

1. Who is the most affectionate?Stephanie, since Tim still has an ingrained fear of physical contact/intimacy.  While he rarely initiates, he feels comfortable enough around her that he appreciates the constant cuddling.3. Most common argument?Anytime one keep secrets from the other, and over the safety of their kids/how much freedom they should have, since Tim tends to be really strict + (understandably) overprotective with them.

6. What is their favorite feature of their partner’s?Gonna borrow a canon quote from the mainstream comics (Batman 12-Cent Adventure) and say for Steph it’s “his warm, shy laugh” (especially since it’s rare for Timmy Todd) and “clean-smelling hair”.  I imagine the same holds true in reverse for Tim, since Steph’s million-watt smile and fluffy hair are my favorite things about her. ;P *shot* (Normally I’m not one for bubbly blondes, but goshdurnit she’s just too cute. 7. What’s the first thing that changes when they realize they have feelings for the other?

Ahh Steph’s cheerful energy is totally infectious so the more time Tim spends around her the more he starts to smile/crack jokes again.  I pretty much picture her enthusiastically dragging him around to social events to have fun instead of staying cooped up in his room all the time with his computer (much like Ayano and Shintaro with the Culture Festival, although Tim is much more receptive/respectful towards her).

9. Who worries the most?

Tim, definitely.  The anxiety and paranoia never does fully go away, and it often takes a lot of patient coaxing and consoling from Steph to calm him down from a panic attack.11. Who tops?

asdlkfjdl Steph would (at least at first to teach Timmy the Boy Virgin *shot*)17. Who says I love you first?Stephanie.  It takes a long time before Tim can say it aloud without being embarrassed.19. Who tells their family/friends about their relationship first?Stephanie totally boasts about their relationship the first chance she gets lol.  Tim is much more reserved about it, although everyone could already tell he liked her anyway (Dick and Barb totally tease him relentlessly about it).  …Although no one bothers to directly contact Bruce until the wedding (Tim does send him an invitation, but ofc he doesn’t respond), he still keeps tabs on his son’s affairs from afar, in his secretive Batdad way.20. What do their family/friends think of their relationship?Dick and Barbara are obviously happy for their little bro finding someone who can help him to smile and be more outgoing again.  (Dick might actually secretly be a bit jealous, since watching the two together reminds him a lot of when he and Barbara used to date.)  Stephanie’s mom also approves of Tim, since he’s smart and polite and seems like a “very nice boy” (a marked improvement over other guys her daughter has dated in the past) - even if he seemingly has some… “difficulties” (although she might be able to sympathize with him/offer assistance and advice based on her own experiences battling depression and drug addiction).  He looks to her like the loving mother he never had growing up, although he’s extremely nervous about her finding out his past.  (Eventually they do tell her the truth, and she hugs and dotingly spoils him even more as her own son.)25. Who needs more assurance?Tim, although Stephanie has a tendency to get jealous.  (Actually her first assumption when he started working longer nights and making strange/suspicious phone calls in RotJ was that he might be having an affair. *shot*)26. What would be their theme song?Ahh I have so many at this point so Imma just gonna dump a bunch (well, the first few are basically ones I couldn’t fit into my fic somehow ^^; ):“Alive” by Adelitas Way“What if I told you that I think you’re perfect?Beautiful sky in your eyes, it’s so worth it.I know you make me feel alive.‘Cause you make meLaugh a little louder,Love a little harder.”“Science and Faith” by The Script“Tried to break love to a scienceIn an act of pure defianceI broke her heartOf all of the things that she’s ever saidShe goes and says something that just knocks me dead:You won’t find faith or hope down a telescopeYou won’t find heart and soul in the starsYou can break everything down to chemicalsBut you can’t explain a love like ours”“We’ll Be the Stars” by Sabrina Carpenter“We are young, we are goldTrying things we didn’t knowLooking at the sky, see it come aliveAll our fears became our hopesClimbed out every locked windowLet me in, hold me closeFill my heart with simple notesSo when it’s hard to see,They are there, reminding meTake my breath, and hold me highSo I can feel the city lightsGlowing under me”(This one might actually apply more to their comics counterparts, but let’s just say it’s a happy AU where they met as Robin and Spoiler and neither of them dies/gets tortured mmkay.)“Landslide” by Oh Wonder“I know it hurts sometimes butYou’ll get over itYou’ll find another life to liveI know you’ll get over itI know you’re sad and tiredYou’ve got nothing left to giveSo when you’re caught in a landslideI’ll be there for you, I’ll be there for youAnd in the rain, give you sunshineI’ll be there for you, I’ll be there for youAnd every time that you’re lonelyEvery time that you’re feeling low, you should knowI’ll be there for you, I’ll be there for youI know your hope is heavy butYou’ll get over itAnd I know you feel like everythingIs falling to the windBut don’t you let the thunder in”“Superheroes” by The Script“All her life she has seenAll the meaner side of meThey took away the prophet’s dreamFor a profit on the streetAll his life he’s been toldHe’ll be nothing when he’s oldAll the kicks and all the blowsHe won’t ever let it showShe’s got lions in her heart, a fire in her soulHe’s a got a beast in his belly that’s so hard to controlCause they’ve taken too much hits, taking blow by blowNow light a match, stand back, watch them explode” “Second Chances” by Gregory Alan Isakov”All of my heroes sit up straightThey stare at the groundThey radiateI’m running from nothing, no thoughts in my mindOh my heart was all black, but I saw something shineThought that part was yours, but it might just be mineI could share it with you, if you gave me the timeI’m all bloody knuckles, longing for homeIf it weren’t for second chances, we’d all be aloneI’m a shot through the dark, I’m a black sinkholeIf it weren’t for second chances, we’d all be alone”“Rush Together” by Quietdrive“They grew up in the same old townNever knowing the other was aroundRead from the same damn booksNever gave each other looksBut one day the sun will shineI know, for their eyes have told me soChasing advice from those who say ‘I’ve lost my mind’Rush together to find each otherNow it’s too late, you can never wait for luckForever bound by the same instrumentWe all adhereThat’s guilt”“Start the Machine” by Angels and Airwaves“I grew so close to all the thoughts I had to leave forever I left the chill and voice of screams and kids and ran for shelterThe pain has a bad reaction A blend of fear and passionYou know what it’s like to believeIt makes me wanna screamI see the stars, they’re in your eyesA playful kiss, can you tell I’m excited?A fast escape in the nick of timeIf you lost your wish, can I help you find it?I’m on my knee, just one to startA fresh new start, don’t be undecided”(Bit of a starry theme here, eh? XP I feel it works for them, whether they’re nighttime vigilantes or not.)“Heroes and Thieves” by Vanessa Carlton“Well, disaster it strikes on a daily basisI’m looking for wisdom in all the wrong placesBut still want to laugh in disappointed facesHeroes and thieves at my doorI can’t seem to tell them apart anymoreJust when I’ve figured it outWell darlin’ it’s you I’m withoutWell I’m stubborn and wrongBut at least I know itKeep moving along until I can get through thisBut maybe this song is the best I can do itWell, it seems like I’m getting closer somehowA flicker of peace that I’ve finally foundThank you for believing in me now‘Cause I do need it” “Come to Me” by Goo Goo Dolls“I’ll be kind, if you’ll be faithful You be sweet and I’ll be grateful Cover me with kisses dear Lighten up the atmosphereCome to me with secrets bare I’ll love you more so don’t be scaredI caught you burnin’ photographs Like that could save you from your past History is like gravity It holds you down away from me You and me, we’ve both got sins I don’t care about where you’ve been Don’t be sad and don’t explain This is where we start again”(This is so cheesy but the couple in the video resembles these two so much it makes me want to cry.  Even the lyrics video has some striking parallels to my upcoming fic, which I swear was just a coincidence.)“Diary” by Ken Kamikita“I forget all painful things, those blue words spilling out, the end of a distant spring The city in sunset, as if oblivious of the crimes committed today, rings out sounds of the bell signalling the end.Back alleys, laughing voices, at the other side of the window, sight of a happy familyMy heart ached as I looked up, the first star was shining brightlyThe moment I realized, there was nothing left, I spent today in regrets and threw everything away, What’s left behind, all the time, is the me, unable to changeI recoil from love, the wind still blew, throughout the city I left behind, the end of a hot summer Burdens piling up, memories of the days we could laugh together, I desert them all and begin walking Even though I can’t see what’s ahead, even though you’re not thereI take a detour, a swing in the park, water garden, vanishing lives Citizen hall, piano sounds, you flashed a fleeting smile As I laugh, ‘since it’s you, everything’s going to be fine’”(Translated lyrics from here.)”A Page Is Turned” by Bebo Norman”A page is turned by the wind to a boy in curly grin With a world to conquer at the age of ten But as history unfolds and the storybook is told He finds salvation but not at the hands of manThe God of second chance Will pick them up and he’ll let them dance Through a world that is not kind And all this time, they’re sharing with the one That holds them up when they come undone Beneath the storm, beneath the sun And once again, here you standYour day has come” 27. Who would sing to their child back to sleep?Stephanie, being the more musically inclined of the two thanks to her piano lessons.  Tim might join in if he’s feeling particularly at ease though (however his real specialty is telling the kids bedtime stories, based on his Adventures as Robin).  I can actually picture them singing the “Dango Daikazoku” song together.  (Incidentally, I have a headcanon of Ayano singing the song to the Meka Trio, since she and Nagisa share the same voice actress. ;O)

29. One headcanon about this OTP that breaks your heartSteph blames herself for not noticing her husband was being possessed by the Joker (although she sensed something was clearly off), and wasn’t able to prevent RotJ from happening.  Tim of course feels even more guilty about it, but she helps keep him from falling too deep into despair by still accepting him despite it all.