#i dont expect anyone to read this btw this is purely for myself

[gamespritearchive]

yes i like fullmetal alchemist brotherhood a normal amount (<- lying) this post is going to be long so open the readmore at ur own risk

ok this is genuinely going to be a mess because im really terrible at summarizing things and organizing my thoughts so if ur actually gonna read through this then good luck!

here are just some short thoughts before the longer paragraphs

- i absolutely LOVE the note that plays right after the alchemists clap their hands together that indicates that theyre abt to use alchemy. the sound of the clap + the note that plays is incredibly satisfying

- the strong and well-written female characters in this show was a really good touch and i loved how they brought them (izumi and olivier) together at the end :') also their beefy husbands together was super nice too

- my favorite part of the story was actually the part where ed and al go to briggs because thats wher they introduced olivier. it was super nice to see her talk about how strong-willed she is and her army and all of that

- lan fan is another example of a strong female character but a little less favorable since she serves ling yao. that doesnt make her any less cool though she was super badass and i definitely cried over her more than once

- the details in this show was really nice. alphonse's body being malnourished was something that seemed really obvious, but the fact that when ed got his right arm back it was noticeably less muscular and had longer nails than his left was such a good detail

- in the last episode there was a scene where alphonse made a dumb face that was animated just like how ed's faces looked and that made me really happy that we finally get to see al emote just like his brother :')

- im pretty sure i cried through the entirety of the last episode because being able to see the characters laugh and smile without feeling burdoned by anything after youve seen them go through repeated heartache and physical pain for 63 episodes is a super nice feeling

- "i'm a terrible father but i want to make you two proud" .

- "i'll give you half of my life and you give me half of yours" UGH

- also right after this when ed was laughing at how flustered winry got because normally hes the one who gets flustered :') that was so sweet

- i literally guessed that it was morse code whenever they showed selim banging on al's head because its like why would they put so much emphasis on that and let it go on for like 10 seconds without any music over it. this happened like multiple times too and i guessed it before they made it incredibly obvious bye im the smartest guy alive

ok heres where i talk more besties lets go

fmab was absolutely worth watching 64 episodes. i was convinced that i probably wont finish it because i have trouble finishing 12 episodes but as it may be obvious i got super invested. fmab being this long allowed there to be enough time to explain aspects of the story separately and to watch them all come together at some point. it also allowed for a ton of details that even though they're small, they're still important to the story. they rehash a lot of points because it was a simple detail that could get lost through the story but when its rementioned and you recall the time, it's such a nice feeling to have that click in ur mind.

also the character development was really good and ill get more in-depth about characters later but the length of this anime also allowed for a ton of really good character development. it ties into the whole thing where you learn about a characters backstory and you don't understand why it's important to the show until later on and then you're like ohhhh holy shit that makes sense now! also all that time for character development also lets you get attached to more than just the main characters and makes you care more about the role they play in the story.

roy mustang. at first i liked him, but when he started to speak about how he wanted to become the fuhrer president before he knew the military was corrupt, i assumed that he would just become as corrupt as bradley was ("starting wars for no reason"). i was convinced for the longest time that he would eventually just turn out to be the second bad guy and that nearly came true whenever he was trying to kill envy but riza helped him :) i loved the entirety of their relationship they're so sweet and compliment eachother so well. the scene where roy demonstrates the sheer amount of trust he has in riza's abilities by blindly (heh. he was blind during this if u didnt know.) following her directions and hitting their target ... it was just so good. also even though i didnt trust roy i thought he was super badass the sound of him snapping was always super satisfying as well

i almost want to rewatch fmab because it would be really nice to pick up on things that were later referenced in the anime. because of how long it is, its super easy to forget about things that happened early on in the anime (especially for someone with memory issues lol) so being able to watch back with the second half of the show still fresh on my mind would be almost an entirely different experience. the first thing that comes to mind is whenever we were shown kimblee in prison super early on. i know he had dialogue but i remember nothing about it because i was focused on thinking "literally who the fuck is this guy lol" but now i know. wow.

edward elric. im aware that this is going to be incredibly biased but i literally do not care. anyways. character development is always important and needed within a story but i genuinely feel like ed's character development was interesting to watch. it was never super obvious and his core values never changed. he did somewhat have a change in attitude when he nearly died to kimblee, but thats like expected you know ... being that close to death and all. i think that event was essentially the beginning of the end of his naivety. he was always consistent with the people he cared about though :) he never stopped calling them stupid and weird and he never stopped threatening to punch hohenheim whenever he was frustrated even if they were like in the middle of like a life or death situation. i just think he's neat

when ed destroyed pride('s vessel) i felt my heart well up with. pride LOL. that was his very first explicit win against someone who has been against him this entire time, and seeing him defeat pride with his own two hands was such a nice feeling. it wasnt technically his own win since he was only able to get to that point because of his friends and family around him

episode 60 was suuper good it was the part where the father was gonna swallow god because of the solar eclipse. its super hard to explain if uve never seen it but basically the scene was super cool simply because of how well the animation showed the sheer scale of what was happening. like this guy was literally reaching to the moon. theres a lot of unnatural things that are shown in fmab and although this scene didnt introduce any new concepts, it was still incredibly captivating because of how well the animation was

aand thats it i think! i regret not writing down how i feel during the earlier episodes but i think watching it with little to no distractions was a better experience. if u actually read this im giving u a kiss on the cheek rn ilu

[ji-yaaan]

Jessamine-rose asked:

Ohh hiiii!! I really loved your leona fic, it was so soft!! X3 may i request idia and jamil seeing their short mc wearing their hoodies?? Headcanon or one-shot whatwver you are more comfortable with!! I would like to request a but of spice as well if you dont mind.

𝐖𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐫 𝐇𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐢𝐞𝐬♡

Headcanons with: Idia, Jamil, Kalim, Jack

Note: Yo this idea is so cute I'm melting as I write this- this scenario is just wholesome and I won't forgive myself if I sully this wholesomeness... Oh but Jamil however- ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) Oh btw I added in some characters I can imagine with this secnario lol. Ok on to the headcanons!

And yes... I reposted this cuz tumblr hates me and won't let me use the tags... I don't stay up til 5am for nothing bro-

°•°•°•°•°•𝑰𝒅𝒊𝒂 𝑺𝒉𝒓𝒐𝒖𝒅•°•°•°•°•

After 8 rounds of Mario kart Idia destroying you 8 times lol cuddled up in the blankets as the both of you crush your consoles attempting to win a round.

It's getting pretty late, but game time is holy for the both of you, so both of you gotta make time to schedule the most awaited activity of the day! GAME TIME~

But after a long day of brain damage at school *cough braincell squad cough* anyone is bound to get exhausted. Taking a break from the game, Idia takes off his jacket and nyooms away to the kitchen to get some chips and soda for you two.

"Potato chips? check~ Soda? check~" Idia smiles as he excitedly makes his way into his room to crush you at the game again.

Oh my what's this? He found a rare treasure lying in his room!!! Quick! What does he do now??? OH MY GOD! You were sleeping... BUT YOU WERE WEARING HIS HOODIE! What is this cuteness? What is this ultra uwu energy? What is this fluff doing here? That's it! Idia has now died of uwu. Respawn later...

While Idia was holding his bags of chips and cola, he can't help but blush at how cute you were! You looks sooooo smol in his jacket- congrats you stole Idia's heart.♡♡♡

I'd say Idia's greatest weakness is cute stuff and small things. So you looking so smol in his jackets is just going to give him heart combulsions.

Idia will probably crouch in the floor to stare at your sleeping face. He'd sit right next to you and stare at you for a while. "Hehe..." Linking his arms with yours as he playfully pokes your cheeks.

He'd rest his head on your shoulder still blushy wushy cuz you're just sooo adorbs♡ "Games can wait for tommorow.."

•°•°•°•°•°•𝑱𝒂𝒎𝒊𝒍 𝑽𝒊𝒑𝒆𝒓•°•°•°•°•°

Like the usual, the Scarabia dorms is up for a party 24/7 because of the happy go lucky kalim. Jamil is still pissed like the usual too...

While kalim was performing his thing entertaining the guest... A wild Jamil appeared! Care to send love??? Jamil makes his way to you, so he can finally chill and recharge from chaos with a powerhug. But as he was just inches away from from you... Dammit someone just have to ruin his moment.

"WAHHHH! Y/N! OH NO I'M SO SORRY!" Some idiots just have to ruin his time with you... Drinks spilt in your top, leaking wet from the juice that spilt on you.

Jamil will just sigh and volunteer to take care of another problem yet again, just like the usual. BUT! Before he takes care of those stuff PRIORITY FIRST! You need to be taken care of first ;>

Jamil will drag you in an empty room to change... now all thats left is to change in clean and dry clothes- Wait....Wow just the luck you both have... No one got spare clothes... what now?

Of course Jamil will offer his hoodie! He can't have you walking around uncomfortable in damp clothing!

When you walk out of the room... Cute... What is this cute creature? Since you are small and short, Jamil's hoodie is oversized on you. The sleeves go way past your fingers, and the big jacket makes you look even smaller in general.

Jamil's having a lowkey midlife crisis inside his head, but gotta keep looking chill and cool, so he just settles with a pinch on the cheek.

HOWEVER! When you go back to the party in the banquet halls. Everyone seeing you will comment how tinier you look like in a big hoodie. Everyone is just going ballistic with the smol and cute comments. Jamil is not happy about this.

As people are making cute comments about you. You'll just blush and freeze on the spot. BUT JAMIL HOWEVER... SNEK BOI IS BURNING WITH RAGE AND JEALOUSY... I mean... That's his hoodie you were wearing. Are they blind? Should he hypnotize people to do stupid things later?

After the party... Oho ಠ ͜ʖ ಠ with Jamil going jealous a little while ago... He'll hug you tighter this time, his chin resting in your head. "Don't look cute in front of other people... I'm the only one you're allowed to look cute for."

Expect markings here and there in the morning... Take this sentence however you like...

•°•°•°•°•𝑲𝒂𝒍𝒊𝒎 𝑨𝒍 𝑨𝒔𝒊𝒎•°•°•°•°•

Midnight trip in the clouds with your local sunshine boi! Riding the magic carpet with kalim is one of the most magical experience! Moonbathing with the stars WHILE YOU SIT BESIDE A LITERAL STAR LIKE KALIM TOO! as kalim cheerfully tells fun stories while laughing.

But of course the night today was kinda chilly and cold but you forgot to bring your sweater with you... Dammit it was really cold today. But somehow seeing kalim smile warms you up! I can't blame you though-.

When a really cold wind blew past the two of you... THAT'S IT! IT WAS REALLY COLD TODAY! You shivered while you held unto your arms and shoulders in attempts to keep yourself warm.

Of course Kalim notices this and offers his cardigan in uwu style! "Oh? Y/n are you cold? Oh! If you want, you can use my cardigan! Hehe..." Kalim brightly smiles like the usual. A blinding smile to keep the sleep paralysis demons away.

Frankly, Kalim is not that big, but his jacket still drooped on you which was very cute in Kalim's eyes!

"Y/n you look so small~ how cute!!" Kalim just casually blurts out, no embarrassment or whatsoever...

Of course it's a bit embarrassing for you at first, but Kalim's too pure and innocent for this world, so it's mainly just rainbows and sunshine being with him.

While the both of you are up in the air, maybe he'll offer a hug too if you're still cold. ಠ ͜ʖ ಠ it wouldn't be a sin to decline right?

•°•°•°•°•°•𝑱𝒂𝒄𝒌 𝑯𝒐𝒘𝒍•°•°•°•°•°•

As the both of you are walking home, casually strolling in the roads that leads to the ramshackle dorm, this night was especially chilly.

The cold breeze was not cooperating this time as it continues to blow past the two of you. "Brrrr" this was cold... this was really cold... It was stupid not to bring your jacket with you when it's autumn near winter...

Jack was not blind to not see you shivering from the cold! Because jack is a good boye, he'll lend you his Jacket!!!

Seeing you look so smol in his jacket just melts his heart away. It literally looks like a blanket on you with how big it was. I MEAN THIS BOY IS LITERALLY WHOOPING 192CM TALL! GIVE ME UR HEIGHT

He'll just stare at you for minutes while you take walks, if you look close enough, you see his tail wagging and his ear perking up... Maybe a little blush too if you really look close ಠ◡ಠ

But a jacket can only do so much... Even if it was big and warm, your hands were somehow still cold seeing as you rub them every few minutes...

Good boye Jack offers to hold your hands!!! Would you like to accept this kind offer? ∆Yes ✓Yes!

When Jack holds your hands, JACK WAS A HEATER ALL ALONG? Big warm hands.... How comfortable... ;v;

Maybe along the way, he'll put your tiny hands in his pocket too... Who knows... But what you know is that you don't want to go home yet. Can the both of you extend this hand holding session?

Bruh...... tumblr won’t let me use the tags and properly post this... sigh.......

That's about it! I added Kalim and Jack to quench my thirst! And indulge in personal interests Again.. thankz for the request! And I hope you enjoyed this! ಠωಠ sending love before you read the next post under this♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡ 

[one-abuse-survivor]

Ive been arguing with my sister a lot more lately. We're knee deep in a 'social services takeover' and we both have a lot of trauma responses, triggers and just anything i guess when it comes to having to live with abuse for over a decade. Im trying my best to be accomodating with her, not retaliating, accepting her apologies, talking it out afterwards, but its so hard. So so hard. Im the oldest so i feel its my job to do that, but im struggling so much. When we're mid argument, i overthink everything im going to say so its not an insult, a repeat of what our parents say, anything toxic, or even just something id regret later. I dont know where the line is but i know its wrong to feel pure anger towards her and want to just scream in her face and just hurt her. Her words hurt me so much. She says she cares but definitely doesnt show it. I have to listen to every single rant of hers, good or bad, or else im a horrible sister. Yet i have to keep my intrests to myself cos it hurts when she doesnt even show the slightest bit of excitment for me. Just a monotone "yeah cool". I know shes going through a lot and its hard for her emotion wise, i really do, ive been where she is, but i just feel like our relationship is toxic and very onesided. I dont even know if its meant to be like that or not, between siblings. Ive heard that the oldest has to be there no matter what, and im really trying, but i dont want to anymore. I just want her to realise what im going through and at least help me a little. But idk if thats wrong to say/expect of her.

A side note, im halfway to being diagnosed with autism so its making me realise more that im misinterpreting things and taking them literal, etc. But, could i get some advice? Ik i need therapy, its a whole mess in my head lol, but do you know of any half-solutions i can try before i can get the professional help?

Apologies that its so long, btw - 🦕

It sounds really hard to manage a relationship with a sibling when both of you are going through so much trauma at the same time, nonnie, so first and foremost, I hope you’re being as patient with yourself as possible when you mess up with your sister. It’s really good that you’re trying to avoid replicating your abusers’ behaviour and that you’re accomodating her boundaries and putting communication between you first, because those are the bases for a healthy relationship of any kind, but it’s also okay if you mess up. You might be the older sister, but you’re not her parent, and no one should expect you to be emotionally mature enough to never mess up, or to constantly prioritise your sister over your own well-being and boundaries. Especially if your relationship with her right now feels one-sided and she’s not extending the same level of effort that you are. 

It’s understandable that she’s more self-centered than you are if she’s younger, but you’re allowed to not be your best self as well, what with everything you’re going through. You’re allowed to be self-centered too, nonnie. If you’re teens, you’re in the age for immaturity and selfishness. And it’s okay to be exhausted and irritable and full of anger when you’re actively going through trauma and abuse. It’s not fair for you to expect yourself to be perfect and never mess up ❤

I honestly don’t think oldest siblings should “be there no matter what” for their younger siblings. Just because your parents happened to have other kids after you, it doesn’t mean you suddenly have a “job” to take care of your younger siblings. Unlike them, you never actively chose to be responsible for another human being. And just because your parents are abusive and aren’t there for you or your sister the way they should be, it doesn’t mean you should automatically be able and willing to substitute them and prioritise your sister over yourself the way a parent would. The fact your parents aren’t there for your sister doesn’t change the fact that you deserve to be taken care of just as much as your sister. You didn’t choose to be there unconditionally for anyone. They chose that the moment they decided to become parents. And they failed both of you. So, no, you’re not a horrible sister for not acting as a parent for her: they’re horrible parents to both of you for putting you in this situation in the first place.

I think it’s a good idea to seek therapy when you can, but in the meantime, I think it could help to try to be as patient and understanding with yourself as you are with your sister. If you’re not feeling up to being there for her, it’s okay to establish boundaries and put yourself first. It’s okay to say “I can’t listen to you right now” and have that respected. It’s okay to express your needs to her, and be open about how she makes you feel. It’s okay to acknowledge that she’s being unfair by expecting you to always listen to her no matter what. It’s okay to get mad at her sometimes. You’re clearly doing your best to not be toxic to her, and that’s really good, but you also don’t have to sacrifice your own well-being and brush aside your boundaries and trauma for her. You’re a victim of childhood abuse alongside your sister, not a replacement parent for her. Your job is to save and protect and prioritise yourself, not her.

And, please, be kind with yourself when you feel rage toward her, nonnie. No emotion is inherently bad or wrong, and it’s very common to feel this kind of anger toward others when you have unresolved trauma from abuse. I answered an ask with advice on how to handle trauma related anger, which you can read here.

I also answered an ask a while ago from an anon who was left to parent their younger sibling as well and felt guilt about doing a bad job. You can find it here if you want to read the experiences of someone who went through something similar to you. 

Sending a virtual hug, nonnie ❤

[skamamoroma]

Meg WTF, I've been away from tumblr since the end of skam italia basically (I dont have a blog, I just check on my fave blogs to read their opinions) I randomly came back to find out you fell into the ITSAY rabbit hole I'm so happyyyyyy I miss it so much I can't wait for March 2021.. and I'm so glad you love Teh cos twitter isn't that woke about him. My confused boy. Anyway I read all your posts about it and really, I could rewatch this show countless times, what a masterpiece.

Oh we have watched a million and one things since then, my love ❤️ hahaha

But hello! And goodness. Do you mean the end of season 4? Because that took me ages to get over. I still find myself shocked how wonderful s4 was and how much I adored Sana and how well it was all wrapped up. Oh Skam It always be just so precious to me. Such a happy place!

And LORD. Where did ITSAY come from? A friend in Japan recommended it to me. She knows me pretty well and knows I’m weak as hell for a lot that the show does, mainly that type of symbolistic metaphorical writing and also the sheer god damn beauty and that type of nuanced acting... ugh all of it. So yeah I have never really watched many shows from that part of the world as I kinda rely on recommendations (kinda wanna avoid a lot of the stuff I see that screams “made purely for people to fawn over handsome guys kissing” because that just ain’t it for me and I feel uncomfortable) and I wasn’t sure what to expect from ITSAY until about 5 minutes in and it’s just blissful. It is just a v well made tv show clearly created with a lot of care and I was heartened to see it marketed really seriously and sophisticatedly. The show feels kinda weird to me and I am all about that. Weird in terms of how refreshing and surprising some of it feels even if some is kinda stuff we have seen before - a lot isn’t. I love when characters are a little weird and strange and intriguing.

Teh is 100% that for me. He’s a weirdo and he’s emotionally stunted. I wonder if people maybe don’t click with him is because he ain’t created for easy consumption as a character. He screams, to me, a character created by LGBT+ folks for that audience, same with Oh. He isn’t easy to digest! But that’s what I love. He’s a really fascinating character because of the amount of layers you have to get through to see his truth but the way the show is created, it’s like we get to see both sides of him simultaneously mainly because the acting is so nuanced. I love how some of the shots are so telling too to add to his state of mind like the tiny moment he’s trying to charge his phone and is in emotional turmoil and he’s driving in circles on the road like he just can’t make himself go home in the opposite direction to Oh and like the moments when he just can’t express himself and just collapses all over stuff 😂 how can you not love him? He’s brilliant. He’s intense, a cry baby at times, arrogant at others! He’s silly and petty and sweet and over the top and had a fabulous array of Hawaiian shirts! His journey in self discovery with Oh, his family, Tarn, himself and his dreams is just so meaningful that by the end he LOOKS different, acts so different (that whole end montage is just ever so sweet from his perspective as he’s so relaxed and not once does he do his nervous Teh thing) and is so confident in himself and sure about many things, even in terms of his dream accepting its fundamental that it exists in his heart and as his passion more than as something to prove

I genuinely adore his character and I think BK did a fucking spectacular job at portraying a complex, loveable, tricky young LGBT+ soul. I’m always down for weird characters and complex souls who are difficult to decode and isn’t that the damn title of the show?! 😂 (well, the Thai version!). Isn’t that what Oh does and what the entire show is about? It’s the foundation of the message and the story - translating your feelings and your identity and finding someone who can maybe do that when you can’t or who will try etc - but above all, working yourself out. I can see how he’d be a little bit of a marmite character at times as early on he is a bit of a dick but the writing and acting makes complete and utter sense as to why and god do I love when writing is capable of taking characters from that to the other end of the spectrum carefully and navigating the depths of a character... and using subtext and metaphors and every possible trick in the book to manage it.

I mean, Teh uses every possible method he can to express himself and try to work himself out from actually verbalising right down to flash cards, physical movement, silence, Instagram, scent, touch, food, distance, Chinese language, hidden meanings, colour, gestures, fictional characters and double meaning. There’s no way I wasn’t going to be absolutely fond of a character like that?

How can you not adore him in that moment at sunset when he’s just staring at it crying and you can SEE the relief and gratitude and peace. Ugh makes me cry just thinking about it.

So yeah, clearly I have nothing to say about this show 😂 so glad you loved it too. I had no clue it was always intended to be 2 parts and that a second part was due until I got to the end of the last episode and saw the teaser! If the last 5 episodes are even close to being as bloody magical as the first 5 then I’m down for another 5-6 hours of being emotionally compromised! I have a lot to say about this show and I doubt anyone wants to read it but when shows get to me like this all I want to do is ramble about them which obvs happened ridiculously with Skam It s2/4 and other shows but I think it’s all been said already 😂 i must ask my mum to tell me again about her time living in Phuket because I’m certain I recognised a couple of places from her photos and it made me miss when I’d receive her home videos when I was a teenager and she lived over there 🥺

Feel free to come shout at me about the show btw. I don’t know many who have watched it and so I’m kinda shouting into a void 😂

I hope you’re well though and hello again - your message made me smile a lot!

[survivorcordillerablanca]

Episode 8 Confessionals

This is long overdue but I've been busy because my brother got married woooo! Okay so FINALLY WE MERGED! Jordan and I survived the hell tribe and we made it here. We had to lose Jay which absolutely sucks, I feel terrible for voting him out but I did what I think was the right thing. The biggest piece of news is that I was literally on the merge tribe for like 10 minutes and ended up FINDING THE IMMUNITY IDOL!! I WAS SO SHOCKED I COULDN'T BELIEVE IT!! I haven't told anybody about it but I might....MIGHT....tell Jordan about it to show that I do trust him after wavering so much on my decision about potentially voting him out. We have an auction coming up, I hope I get something really cool from it! Bryce told me that he was the one that gave me the idol but Zach told me that he was the one that pushed for him to give it to me so I'm thankful to the both of them for that. I think I could get good with Carson, Zach, Bryce and Charlotte. Katie and I have bonded over our love of true crime, she's super nice and her connection to Jordan Pines is incredibly strong so we can do this. I believe that Copa isn't dead just yet. 

finally got into an alliance with charlotte and chris

i bid well at the auction and got a nifty apple that lets me sit out for a round #blessed

Finding out someone I want to work with is an Amy Schumer fan.... maybe shouldn't work with them :/. Jk!! But am I even DKSFJSD

zack just sent me this message "and im in kuang si (it’s a main season, if you know what those are) asdjfk" I dont know how to respond to that

Merge sweet merge! Okay so I'm officiallly in an alliance with Katie and Charlotte. We're the Senior Citizens. Katie is playing up to Jordan that she doesn't have any allies in hopes of him telling her any potential people from Ulta who might flip. Meanwhile I have to PUBLICLY pick 3 people to go to the wishing well with me. Obviously taking the Senior Citizens, but I then decided on Bryce because he was the only person not mention by Jordan as someone he thinks he's working with. Immunity just happened and as of right now I feel content with my score but some people are insane and will destroy me. I really hope I win because I feel like I'll get cut as soon as the opportunity arises.

me two days ago: I should probably try to be less hostile towards JP. me today: DISADVANTAGE GOES TO JP. i'd say i'm sorry but that would be a lie.

am i up to date on confessionals 

hope i dont go home probably should have used my advantage 

We merged!!! and im stressed as hell. i have NO idea what im doing. chris won this wishing well thing in the auction and took katie, charlotte, and bryce. so it set off alarms to me and zach so we're working on the me/willow/zach thing we were planning on before, we just have mroe of a reason now. the plan is: vote jordan pines this first round (even though hes trying to talk strategy with me and if eel bad bc i told charlotte to use the disadvantage on him) recruit luke and katie and vote chris out at final 8 and thats our plan so far bc... its hard to plan things in survivor! yeah i have no idea i hate the merge especialyl when i know where NO ONE sits

Whose got two thumbs and flopped at immunity? THIS GUY. But it's all good. We have two clear outsiders in the form of luke and Jordan. I feel bad because I genuinely like luke. I'm hoping we can get rid of Jordan and then I can swoop up precious baby luke to use him to get some of the ulta's I'm not close with out. For now, me, Katie, Carson, and charlotte are going for Jordan unless something drastic happens. 

I'm tired and I've been essentially goating myself this game yikes 

So at this point, it's the morning of the first merge tribal. Exciting? Yes! Nerve-wracking? Yes! Willow won immunity. I lowkey was going to force a tie because I know any intellectual could get 5 at most (Willow's smart, so I just expected it) then her comp adv. of -2 would ensure her a win since 3 is theoretically impossible. SHE GOT TWO! Good on her though! I overall chose not to snatch her score because I felt really bad, and it was with someone whom I potentially was going to work it or would work with. Speaking of, Willow, Carson and I formed a trio alliance. We both comprehend that the two Copa need to go soon. I think it'll be Jordan Pines this vote. However, a) I don't want Luke to go JUST yet, as we can utilize him, and b) the votes might flip and ADIOS me! I also have worrying speculation of an alliance including the newbies. This is purely because of whom Chris decided to take on his little... trip to the wishing well. It's just a little suspicious, considering Carson admitted to me he talks to Chris relatively every other day, so it was shocking. Nonetheless, it's a game decision, doesn't matter much.. My game plan from this point forward is to just try to be fairly more social. I've been talking to Chris and Katie a lil more. I'm on relatively good terms with Luke. Carson and I are best buddies. Willow is a LEGEND! - then we have Bryce, a king who I don't talk to much but is iconic. Charlotte, a literal icon. Jordan Pines! (that name along speaks for itself). It's going, I guess. We'll see ^-^

So I finally found the wishing well thing and I completed my task yay!! I can now see who votes who for one tribal but idk when im gonna use it tbh. I think I'll tell carson about it b/c hes my number 1. But for this vote i'm hoping itll be easy and be one of jordan/luke just gotta talk to the other ulta people.

Okay so I think its just gonna be the easy vote of Jordan? Hope its not too easy and im not too complacent

Here's the thing. Anyone who has ever played with me before, or knows me, knows that I pretty much play the same game. I stick with my alliance and only turn on them when I need to ... I'm not one for cannibalizing the alliance too early. But ... I'm bored. Everyone's quiet, no one's exciting me, and I really just want to watch the world burn. Do I like Jordan? Eh. Will he make the season more exciting? Absolutely. If I can convince Katie and Carson, or maybe Zach, to vote for Jordan ... the game will flip upside down.  I'm here for a little Chaos. 

is Jordan gonna die tonight? the answer probs wont surprise you as YES. AHHHHH. IM GOING HOME FUCK FUCK FUCK ME, FUCK YOU RYAN TEDDY PALMER. I am trying to save myself but i may be all out of lives.

I'm watching Shookstralian Survivor and writing a confessional, I hear this episode is iconic so I'm preparing! Michelle is winning btw! Okay so back to Cordillera Blanca...I didn't win immunity...Jordan didn't win immunity which means that both of us are vulnerable at tribal and one of us could potentially be going home tonight which is worst case scenario. As of now I think the votes are going to Jordan and I would be open to playing my idol on him but I would need to be 100% certain that I'm not getting votes because I DO NOT want to idol myself out. If I lose Jordan this round I do still have my Golden Monkey Idol to fall back on at the next tribal council so hopefully that work out in my favour. Right now Jordan and I are trying to pull in Charlotte, Katie and Zach to make a majority of 5 so that we can take over this tribe. Stay tuned...;) 

Did Jordan just save himself? MAYBE?????? If all goes according to plan,  me zach luke, charlotte and carson will vote for chris and blindside him 5-4. So #letsnotkilljordanpines

Omg so I have a randomized vote this round which really sucks but I sent in a fake vote so if people ask I can hopefully trick them also I'm shook I won immunity with4 guesses

So... charlotte wants to flip and zach does too which.. i gues?? djksd we with jordan andl uke.. a VERY tight duo pretty much, and its gonna be hard to break that, so we cant let them get far. but getting chris out right now?? idk if its right. im still a bit bitter over him not taking me to the wishing well [3:59:22 PM] Jordan Pines: same here <3 [4:00:34 PM] carson: (y) if i hear anything i tell u but just know I'm down with u lukle charlotte and zach [4:00:46 PM] Jordan Pines: same here <3 also jordan sent the same message to me twice which.. kinda shady but like i hope its not anything bad?? if he rats us out i dont think im the biggest target but like.. ya never know in this game. also idk if my social game is good bad or whatever, buti m hoping its good and it can propel me to a victory?? zach keeps saying hes my lapdog andj ust.. uh i dont want that i want to be equal allies. whatevs?? idk. also willow's vote is apparently randomized from what zach said and charrlote found where the iodl was hidden but it waas found so someone else has it... so idk. IDK i feel like flipping on the entire tribe and doing 5-4 the first vote is soooo risky. im thinking that me/zach can tell willow we're voting chris even though her vote is randomzied so she cant rlly do anything?? she doesnt talk  a lot of strategy because she takes awhile to respond but she's cool and id definitely say i trust her more than most people here. like bryce, i cant read him or chris. katie's cool but i feel like shes a bit fake to me like saying how much she trusts me when we dont talk that much?? and charlotte/jordan/luke just give weird vibes idk. only person i trust 100% is zach ig uess because we talk 24/7 and hes cool. hope this vote can go as planned, and im still kinda having cold feet, but like... i dont wanna lose jury votes so i either commit or go home.

hi can i have an episode title i came up with someone very clever here it goes: Why are all my tribe mates children like hey whats up welcome to lord of the fucking flies.

So this vote for the longest time was going to be Jordan. I was going to stick with it, but knowing me, I don't like boring games and it'd be predictable to do that. Charlotte came to me about voting out Chris. Not that directly, I guess, but mentioned flipping. I was down for it, but I wanted to talk to Carson. LUCKILY, she wanted to include Carson to, so we made an alliance ^-^ I believe right now the vote is sailing for Chris. I feel bad but it's the game, and you gotta do what you gotta do. No hard feelings. The game is tough. WHY DO I PUT MYSELF THROUGH THIS ALL THE TIME ARGHGH