#Kavinsky is his own warning

[yourneighborhoodbibliophile]

Ronan & Kavinsky: A case study in self-destruction

Dream Thieves, Maggie Stiefvater // Drive, Halsey // Little Beast, Richard Siken // Mr. Rattlebone, Matt Maeson // Violence, TENDER // Trouble, Halsey

[ghettogirly]

Heyy!

How do you think Armando would react if you were kidnapped by an enemyy?

𝐆𝐎𝐍𝐄.

𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆: 𝐀𝐑𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐎 𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐒 𝐗 𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑

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-> synopsis: what would happen if you got kidnapped due to a deal gone wrong?

-> format: imagine/short story.

-> theme: angst w/ conflicting ending.

-> warnings: mature language, mentions of kidnapping, mentions of violence, mentions of cartel activities.

-> authors note: sorry for my lack of updates, I’m currently on holiday!! I’m catching up though, hope you enjoy! 𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐭𝐞𝐝. 🌸

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐒 𝐐𝐔𝐈𝐄𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐀𝐑𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐒 𝐌𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍, with Armando out with his crew, you was left with your two kids: Isabella and Alejandro. With the littlest girl sleeping, you was perked up on the couch with Alejandro who was playing with his trains.

The translucent curtains allowed a dimmed version of a sunbeam to shine throughout the old money house, the classic elements of the pillars and brick walls being lit up in the process. The architectural style being your idea, loving the thought of elegance combined with the old style. Your design coming to life due to your husband: Armando.

𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊

You found out what Armando’s real life was after a year of dating. Devastated, you ran away, needing some space after the web of lies that was just uncovered. But there was a problem.

Who has ever successfully hid from the cartel?

A couple of days passed and a knock was heard on your cabin door, your new house for a while which allowed you to gather your thoughts about the revelation. Confused, you slowly moved to the window to look outside at who it was. However, the positioning of the wooden panelled window did not give you the angle to see who was standing at the door. Sighing while turning the knob, it was no surprise to who it was.

Armando Aretas. His tall, muscular build towering over you as he waits silently for you to speak. His face doesn’t show an ounce of anger, more so, shame. His broad arm pointed to a space behind you, showing it to be a seat as he implies if he’s allowed inside. Shaking your head, you walk over to your living space as he follows behind. Not before ordering his two men to wait out there. He’s a high profile man, he always needs an entourage.

Sitting down, he rubs his palms together while messing with his ring on the index finger. The ring was beautiful, showing its realness as each intricate diamond glistened, even with the absence of sunlight to accentuate it. On the sides of the ring was his name and his mother’s: Isabella. A heart separated him and her name.

“After everything, that happened with my mother, i promised myself to be nothing like her. Blinded by my desire to honour her and my family i did some terrible things. I want to live a respectful life, but i did the opposite.”

A pause occurred yet you just sat back and listened.

“I disrespected you mi amor, i thought i was protecting you but i was hurting you instead. I’m sorry.”

Disbelief overtook you as you listened to his words. Tones of regret and purity flowed off his tongue as his deep, husky voice entered your ears, his Mexican accent still being apparent even with his incarceration in Miami.

You wanted to hate him, you wanted to just push him away and live your own life. But, you just couldn’t. So you forgave him instead.

𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐎𝐅 𝐅𝐋𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊

𝐓𝐔𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐔𝐏 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐀𝐁𝐘 𝐌𝐎𝐍𝐈𝐓𝐎𝐑, you laid down while flicking through netflix on the television. A few stirs were heard on the electronic but nothing to worry about. Turning on the rom-com, ‘To all the boys i’ve loved before’, the dynamic between Lara Jean and Peter Kavinsky making you laugh. It was funny to see different relationships especially comparing it to yours and Armando’s.

You guys was more of a power couple, the duo everyone looked up to and respected. Maybe that was because of your status and power in the world. Who knows??

A small tap was heard from the adjacent room, causing you to turn your head and freeze. A few seconds went by and you continued to watch the movie in front of you.

A louder crash occured which inflicted a flight or fight response within you. The initial reaction being flight as you make sure your kids are safe out of everything. Quickly grabbing Alejandro’s hands, you dash up the circular stairs that was before the kitchen. Luckily, you had socks on, limiting the thumping sound of your feet hitting the floor.

Opening Isabella’s door, Alejandro quickly ran in. You instruct Alejandro not to move from this room, nodding his head he quickly hugs you and moves by Isabella’s crib. Knowing how smart your boy is, he would have little problems calming his sister back to sleep or taking her out of the crib.

Slowly shutting the door, you quickly run to one of the next rooms and grab a glock. Each room had a keypad that was attached which was used to unlock the door, making the heavily secure. Thank god for Armando.

“Lord, please protect me and my kids. Amen.”

Footsteps trailed past the room you was in as you was preparing yourself. You could hear the grunts of the men who struggled to enter the right code for the locked doors. However, one was open. That was yours.

A man strolled through, glancing around the room with no caution in the world as he believes the house to be empty. There you were in the corner with your gun unlocked,

waiting for your time to strike.

Opening a few drawers, the man peered into one of them; noticing some earrings that were in the marble drawer he took them out. Pure gold wrapped the small gem that sat in the middle of the piece. A small diamond, dazzled in the light, each angle being a mirror for the light to reflect off of. A sight to behold. Smiling, the man put it in his pocket.

Just as he was about to turn around, a pistol was whipped on his head while a hand was wrapped around his mouth. He was knocked out instantly. Slowly laying him down, you walked into the next room, looking for the next guys.

Just as you was about to pop you head around the corner, a click was heard from behind you.

“No seas estúpido.”

𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐀𝐘 𝐁𝐀𝐂𝐊 𝐅𝐑𝐎𝐌 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐃𝐄𝐀𝐋, Armando and a few cartel members were sitting in a car. The Mercedes GLS 580 was all black, the rims and exterior was a mattel black while the inside was custom, hand-sewn leather with LED lights wrapped around the interior. Allowing a few of the members to chat amongst themselves, Armando just sat back quietly while going on his phone and then onto the camera system, wanting to check on his family.

He was surprised by the house being quiet, no one in the living room and no one outside. It was the workers day off today as you just wanted a peaceful day just by yourself and the kids, not wanting anyone watching over you. So by your command, be allowed that. However, that seems like it was the wrong decision.

With his eyebrows furrowed, he clicked off the camera system app and now went onto his contacts. Flicking through, he found yours and called it. No answer. No answer.

“¿Por qué no contesta?”

Armando now pushing past some of the workers, leaned over to the front. “Drive faster!”

The workers being confused, obeyed his instructions. Some of the members were now alarmed and were looking back at each other. “Count this fucking money they gave us, Vamos!!”

Frantically counting the mineh, you could just hear murmurs of numbers erupting from the members. Armando continuously called numbers on his phone, his nervousness now turning into frustration.

“Señor, nos quedamos cortos.”

“¿Qué dijeron” His head snapping towards the members who spoke up.

“Boss…”

Before Armando could even say anything else a notification sound was heard from his phone, scrambling towards it, he clicked on the screen. A picture of you was sent, your hands tied and your mouth duct taped. A realisation washed over Armando. He was played.

Throwing his phone in anger, he screamed out loud while getting his gun and shooting it from the roof of the car. The other members crouched down to shield themselves.

“Voy a quemar todo este país.”

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[🌸] 𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐍𝐒𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒:

- “No seas estúpido” : Don’t be stupid.

- “¿Por qué no contesta?” : Why isn’t she picking up?

- “Voy a quemar todo este país.” : I will burn this whole country

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[🌸] 𝐓𝐀𝐆𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓: @5tarlan7 @tyneshaaa @thedarkworldofhananerea @omg-mymelaninisbeautiful @armandosbabymama @deadpool15 @amplifiedmoan @sarcasticbitchsblog @dyttomori @believeinthefireflies95 @twinklestarslight @milliumizoomi @shurisgf @yeahnohoneybye

[j4keluver]

To All The Boys I've Loved Before: To Whom it may concern, I like you

casting: reader as lara jean, heeseung as peter kavinsky, sunghoon as reader's older brother, jungwon as josh sanderson, jay as greg, sunoo as lucas, ni-ki as kitty | ft... yunjin as chris, chaewon as gen

warning : explicit sexual implication (no smut) , swearing

synopsis: you've always dreamed of finding the picture perfect boyfriend but high school boys suck. whenever you get feelings so intense but can't put it to words, you write a letter that gets stuffed into a hidden blue box. so why is yang jungwon, your neighbor, walking towards you with a letter in his hand and why are you kissing lee heeseung, gen's boyfriend?

author's note: here's our first officially teaser of the series ! me and tiana (@luvj4key) have been working very hard to produce this series and we are so glad to see many of you loving it ! we still have a lot of responsibilities in our outside life out of tumblr so please be patient and understand that we are doing our best to create quality work for you guys. thank you for all the love ! and we will continue to answer question and build up your anticipation <3

The feeling of the grass tickles your finger tips, almost making you throw a light laugh. The low lit sun kisses your skin and the scent of the earth breathes into your system. It's a sense of freedom and warmth that you can only delve into when getting lost in the carefully written pages and pages of a love story.

In the distance, there is a young boy that seems to enjoy the earth's presence. Sun-bathed skin that soaks up the sun's welcoming rays, playful eyes that hold a keen stare, and flushed cheeks that only Aphrodite could have blessed him with. But it's not just anybody - It's Yang Jungwon.

He catches your stare and gives you a wistful smile, slowly making his way to you. You can only stand still when he finally appears right in front of you. His calloused hands reach up to your face to caress the soft skin of your cheek. Jungwon's eyes flutter closed and it's like your eyes close on command. He leans in ever so slightly, the tip of his nose touching yours in a light nudge. His breath is getting closer to your lips until -

"Hey ! What was that for?" you groan. The pillow Riki just threw at you is now somewhere on the ground onto of a mountain of unfolded laundry. You look up to him from your book to see him leaning on your door frame.

"Well in case you didn't notice, dinner is about to be ready. We've called you like six times," he rolls his eyes. Sunghoon pops up from behind him, "Yeah peanut. If you weren't reading those shitty books, you would have noticed that Dad made your favorite."

"I'm coming, I'm coming. I just finished this chapter," you shooed them away. You put on a pair of slippers and stop at the bottom step when the door opens and a familar frame greets you. The man of the hour again - Yang Jungwon.

"Hoon, Riki," Jungwon says, pulling in them for a quick hug and a firm pat on the back. "Sick ! Jungwon brought the new fifa game. This is why you're better than Sunghoon. " Riki exclaims. Sunghoon smacks the backside of his head while Riki sheepishly mumbles an apology.

Jungwon makes eye contact with you and raises his hand for a high-five which you comply . Jungwon whispers, "My favorite siblings out of all of you guys but don't tell them that !"

You can only softly laugh, knowing he loved this household more than his own. Your dad calls out to him, ushering him the the kitchen. Jungwon winks at you before walking over.

Yang Jungwon was someone that you were almost too familiar with. The Yangs moved into the house next door when you were in the sixth grade, Sunghoon was in seventh, and Riki was in fifth. You still remember young Jungwon, hiding behind his mother's leg and peeking over with his cat-like eyes.

Jungwon's mother gave him a little nudge, "Don't be shy Jungwon, they won't bite you." You tilt your head at him before deciding to give him a small wave and offer a cheeky smile. With that, it seems like Jungwon's shell had cracked as his dimple peeked through when he smiled back.

Your brother immediately invited him in to play some video games which he just nodded too. Every since then, it was like Jungwon lived at your house. Heck, sometimes he knew your house better than you did. He came after school to get tutored by Sunghoon and he would come on the weekend to play soccer with Riki, only seeing you in fleeting moments.

Jungwon was techincally your first boyfriend. Well - space between boy and friend. You would bike to school together, eat lunch together, be each other's lab partners and join the same clubs. You guys were insperable until high school. Your dynamic was very different in high school than middle school.

Jungwon towered five inches taller than eight grade graduation, leaving him at a staggering 5'10. His jaw was more defined, cheekbones more prominent. He made the soccer team so he was frame was lean and his skin was sun-kissed from all the outside practices. And the most biggest change; the girls

Jungwon had always been attractive, at least in your eyes. But his new profound looks made him extremely popular with Adler High. You changed a little from middle school. You opted to wear contacts than your glasses, you got your braces off and you finally learned how to make your eyeliners twins and not cousins. But it was nothing compared to the 360 Jungwon made.

He tried to keep your connection strong, even when he got his first girlfriend. He would still come over on Friday after school for movie nights, and still had the usual routine with your siblings. However, you didn't know that a random Friday would be your last movie night.

In your defense, you didn't mean to ease drop on him and Sunghoon's conversation but you're glad did. You, Sunghoon and Jungwon were having a late night conversation in the backyard before you excuse yourself to grab some water.

You come back with three water bottles until you stop in your tracks as you heard Sunghoon ask Jungwon, "So THE Yang Jungwon isn't a virgin anymore huh? How was she?" You quickly hid behind the wall, trying to control your shaky hands. Jungwon laughs, "Dude her head game was insane, had me rolling my eyes and shit. And the way her walls sucked me in, literal stars."

Did Jungwon actually say that or are you imagining things? It wasn't until you heard Sunghoon hollers, "Let's fucking go Jungwon, I see you." Your face feels hot and you feel your eyes brimming with tears. But what are you crying for? Are you upset that he is disrespecting women or are you upset that you realized you're in love with him and he just confessed that he lost his virginity? Both? You take a deep breath and wait for their conversation to go still before heading out.

You drop off the waters to them and make up some excuse about a throbbing headache, clutching onto your temples. You hug them goodnight, holding onto Jungwon for a second longer than usual. You cry yourself to sleep.

Jungwon persists for the next month, constantly asking what was wrong and if there was anything he could fix. He would ask your brothers what's wrong, to which they only shrugged their shoulder not knowing the answer. He would text you and you would simply keep telling him it was personal reasons.

He stops trying one month and three weeks in, probably because his girlfriend wouldn't be so happy if she sees how much effort he is putting into you. From then on, things are a little awkward but manageable. You only see him in passing moments.

Jungwon and his first girlfriend eventually break up but he quickly gets with Kim Minji, a cheerleader for Adler high, and they're still together till now.

You take your sit at the dining table next to Sunghoon. Sunghoon plates your food for you, "Eat up, you won't have me to remind you when I'm in Ireland." You just sigh and say a 'thank you.'

Your dad starts, "So Jungwon, How's Minji? Haven't seen her around in a while." Sunghoon's eyes widen while Jungwon awkwardly clears his throat. His eyes dart around and he subconsciously makes eye contact with you. You raise an eyebrow at him before he looks away.

"Oh we've just been busy and stressed with school that we haven't been able to see each other in a while. It's.. going okay." Jungwon manages to say before Riki changes the topic, talking about the new game Jungwon brought over.

The conversation between the five of you flow smoothly. You settle for going bed early since you're waking up early to see Sunghoon off in the morning. You hug your dad and Sunghoon goodnight and drop a kiss on Riki's head ("Stop doing that (Y/N), I'm old and manly now" You know he still loves to be babied.) You choose for a small wave to Jungwon before heading upstairs.

Sunghoon isn't a guy to get emotional and shed tears. You could count on your hands how many times you've seen Sunghoon cry. But here he was, stray tears falling down his cheek. Dad pats his back as Sunghoon sniffles. He gives Riki a quick hug, a rare moment between the brothers.

And when he gets to you, he pulls you into the tighest hug before leaving a big smooch on your head. He pulls back and sternly warns you, "Now peanut, listen to me very closely. Now with your older, hot, manly, strong brother away, boys are going to try to approach you and you will turn down every single one. You understand? Especially the Lacrosse team."

You don't really focus on the words you say as your own tears start to well up in your eyes where Sunghoon only coos at you and hugs you tighter. The three of your wave to Sunghoon as he walks through his gate. You look back to see if he's looking back. He's not and it finally hits you that for this school year, you're on your own (minus riki)

taglist: @dimplewonie @wooziswife @bunnbam (unable to tag)

[adamprrishcycle]

Kavinsky-centric fics because when else am I going to push them on you???

On Fire - 4.2k, 4th of July from Kavinsky’s POV, unrequited love, rovinsky

Hell is Where I Dreamt of You - 8.2k, Kavinsky is back from the dead yikes, rovinsky, college pynch, break up. WIP

Seven -9.4k, Kavinsky & Adam friendship, pynch end game

All feature canon-typical violence and references to drugs and suicide (kavinsky is his own warning and all that)

[decladams]

rating: teen and up words: 9328 relationships: richard gansey iii/ronan lynch characters: richard gansey iii, ronan lynch, joseph kavinsky, declan lynch additional tags: vampires, blood, too many dog metaphors, joseph kavinsky is his own warning, monmouth manufacturing, weird homoerotic obsessive relationships summary:

Ronan had known Richard Campbell Gansey III was a vampire.

Declan had told him about it. Said the Ganseys, the whole group of them, were dangerous, untrustworthy, old-money type vampires. A fake family made up of fanged, blood-sucking creatures, the type of thing that most people thought were just fairytales.

He knew he wasn’t supposed to talk to Richard Gansey III, that he was dangerous, that he was a bad idea, but he found himself drawn into the orbit anyway.

happy (early) halloween !! go read my vampire ronsey fic :)

[nibblette]

My Favorite Pynch fics

Inspired by @kelliealtogether, 10 of my favorite TRC/Pynch fics (and some honorable mentions) for TRC making it to 10,000 fics posted on Ao3. I didn’t realize until I made the list how many BDSM Pynch fics I really knew and loved. So be warned, lol.

1. Like @kelliealtogether my favorite pynch fic of all time is “we all fill up with time”

by Interropunct. Such great writing and emotions! The BDSM scenes are so creative and well written, just amazingly constructed! And hotttttt!!!Consent is emphasized! Ronan lives in a named building (the Brownstone) with Chainsaw the chicken in NYC! Adam has made it as a big shot lawyer with the dustless modern apartment, with its secret bedroom full of plants! Gansey, Ronan and Noah have a super strong friendship bond! Highly recommend this fic!

2. Another Interropunct fic, the SW AU, “The kids aren’t alright.

Part 1 is “blessed be the boys” is young SW Adam’s POV where Ronan becomes his main client. Part 2 is “put your curse in reverse” from client Ronan’s POV. The writing is just so great and I marvel that Interropunct published these fics in 2015 before The Raven King even came out. The morphing of Adam’s and Ronan’s relationship from anonymous transaction to boyfriends is so delicious! Ronan’s angst over his dreaming is what draws him to visit a SW and continue. (CW though since later in the fic it’s revealed by Adam that he was only 17 yo when he started SW on his own)

3. Man of Masks by EtoileGarden

(CW for SA) A very inventive take on the slow burn where the kink/sex comes before the romantic relationship. The feels! The scenes! The longing! (All the characters are aged up) Ronan comes to Adam after being assaulted by Kavinsky during their meeting for drugs/sex/Ronan’s punishment. Adam convinces Ronan to come to him for submisssion/pain/“punishment” instead. Adam surprises Ronan by setting boundaries and emphasizing consent. Ronan is already in love with Adam but it takes a while for Adam to realize his feelings for Ronan, despite the increasingly sexual and emotional nature their kink relationship takes.

4. And the Forest Began to Sing by rootingformistopheles.

A short and sweet and hot smut fic. Cabeswater merges with Adam to physically please their Greywaren. Includes vine tentacles and bondage!

5. “In a hurry” by PennyByTheBlock

Adam and Ronan have a Sunday morning quickie at the Barns before work and church, respectively. It’s so hot, I’ve read it like 20 times already. It really captures the Adam/Ronan dynamic.

6. There’s No Place Like My Room by Lil_Redhead

[mrjoeiconis-blog]

From the Archive: BE MORE CHILL TRACK BY TRACK May 16, 2018: Hey, hi, hello. My name is Joe Iconis. I’m a writer and performer and, most notably, the person to blame for the music and lyrics of Be More Chill. I wrote the show, a musical adaptation of Ned Vizzini’s novel, with Joe Tracz and it premiered in a production at Two River Theater in New Jersey in 2015. A cast album was made and was enjoyed by the amount of people you’d expect to enjoy a cast album of a musical that played for six weeks in New Jersey. Then suddenly and without warning, after two years of release, people, in particular young people, discovered the show and became obsessed. One hundred million streams of our cast album later, the show made its Off-Broadway debut in summer 2018 at the Pershing Square Signature Center on 42nd Street, before transferring to Broadway!

Before we launch into the madness of a track by track breakdown of the Be More Chill OCR, let’s talk about the Be More Chill score itself, shall we?

The first thing that excited me about adapting Ned Vizzini’s gorgeous book into a musical was the opportunity to write about the issues teenagers face through a sci-fi lens. I’ve written plenty of teens before. I love that they wear their emotions on their sleeve but don’t always have the vocabulary to properly articulate those emotions. But here was an opportunity to not only delve into the minds of young people, but to tap into some of my favorite genre influences: monster movies of the 1950’s, Sci-Fi/Horror flicks of the 70’s and 80’s, and Teen Comedies of the 80’s and 90’s. In short: John Hughes (Sixteen Candles, Ferris Bueller’s Day Off) meets John Carpenter (Halloween, The Thing.) 

Be More Chill is a classic musical comedy in disguise. It reeks of technology and is filthy with moderns sounds, problems, references, etc. But make no mistake about it: The show is as traditional as they come. Well, sort of.

The songs themselves are total showtunes; it’s the orchestrations that place us firmly in the genre world.

As I’d write the tunes on piano, I’d dream about what they’d sound like when given the full 80’s sci-fi treatment, and Charlie Rosen’s orchestrations satisfied my darkest, quirkiest musical fantasies. We worked closely on the specific sounds of this score. Our holy grail (especially when it came to underscore) was John Carpenter film scores. John Carpenter has directed countless horror classics, but he’s also famous for writing his own film scores. He was an electronic music pioneer and his work is immediately recognizable.

Other sonic influences included Oingo Boingo, Bernard Herrmann, Weezer, Tangerine Dream, The Offspring, and contemporary musicians with a retro flair like Sky Ferreira, Kavinsky, and Johnny Jewel.

“Jeremy’s Theme” Written at Joe’s 16th Street Apartment 2012/Two River Theater Library, during rehearsals 2015 I’ve always thought of this as the music that would accompany the production logos in a horror movie. The “American International Pictures presents… A Roger Corman picture…” cards. It immediately places the audience in an unsettled place. Something bad is going to happen and that bad thing is going to be otherworldly. 

We’re actually cramming a lot of information into 30 seconds. Up top you’re getting the beep-bop-boop of computer circuitry. It’s the technological equivalent of a scary thunder storm in a creature feature. Next, our first synth line arrives. Hello, synth. Nice to meet you. Won’t you please overstay your welcome for the next two and a half hours? I drove Charlie slightly crazy in regards to the specificity of keyboard sounds I was looking for as I desperately wanted to be faithful to the Carpenter/Alan Howarth collaborations that inspired much of the score. 

The track culminates with The Squip theme, played gloriously on Theremin by Danny Jonokuchi. The Theremin is a vintage electronic instrument played by the Thereminist moving his hands through the air to control pitch and volume. That instrument was used most often in 1950s sci-fi movies like The Day The Earth Stood Still, usually to accompany the visual of an alien presence. 

We’re one of the only musicals to ever use a Theremin in its orchestration. Be More Chill is a show about kids obsessed with all things outdated and unloved and the show itself is obsessed with all things outdated and unloved! How very! (Heathers reference.)

“More Than Survive” Written in Joe’s 16th Street Apartment, 2012 After our eerie mini-overture, the audience expects to be confronted by a demon or a triffid or worse. Instead, we jump cut to the shockingly mundane sight of an average high school kid staring at his computer in his undies. I’m proud that the first event in the musical is our leading man being caught with his pants down. It establishes Jeremy us a decidedly unheroic hero and also kick-starts a theme of pantlessness that continues throughout the entire show.

The “C-c-c-c’mon” motif was one I came up with early on in writing the song. I wanted a repeated phrase that expressed the frustration of wanting things to move at an accelerated speed, and one that could also sound like the chorus of a pop song. I love immediately subverting the expectation of what Jeremy’s waiting for to load—“Is it a major homework assignment? A college application?” Nope, it’s porn! That moment establishes the spirit of Be More Chill right off the bat. It also makes for awkward car rides when kids listen to the album in the car with their parents. Sorry, not sorry.

In the actual show there are even more mini-scenes between Jeremy and the people in his life. I wanted this whole opening to feel cinematic and sweeping and place Jeremy in the center of a world that is swirling around him. Kind of like the “Head Over Heels” sequence in Donnie Darko. 

The first person who connects with Jeremy enough to actually earn sung musical material is Michael. Michael brings his own music with him because he’s confident and, quite literally, marches to the beat of his own drummer.

Will Connolly’s voice just kills me on the album. He sounds like the love child of Michael Jackson and Billie Jo Armstrong. 

Notice the little synth line underneath the lockers scene with Chloe, Brooke, and Jenna. It’s a quote of “Rich Set a Fire.” The little synth line underneath the first part of Michael’s scene? “Michael in the Bathroom.” The guitar line in the second part? “The Pants Song.” That audience has subconsciously heard so many melodies from the show before the first number is even over! Underscore is sneaky.

It should be noted that “More Than Survive” was the first song I wrote for the show. After sending it to Joe Tracz, I sent it to Jennifer Ashley Tepper, who is now one of our producers of Be More ChillOff-Broadway. She wrote back:

“I tried to listen to the Be More Chill song, got 60 seconds in, and got furious at everyone for all of the noise/ questions/ distractions at work... so I'm gonna go download these on my phone and sit outside or hide in the bathroom to listen. BRB!!!”

Hiding in the bathroom. That’s so Be More Chill.

“I Love Play Rehearsal” Written in Joe’s 47th Street Apartment, 2013 After hearing so much about her in the opening, this is the first time we actually get to hear from Christine herself. Charlie and I wanted her song to sound different from the angular computerized vibe of the rest of the score. Enter recorders! 

Everyone associates recorders with elementary school music class and/or Renaissance fairs. That felt correct for Christine, who is warm, strange, confident, free-spirited, and literally dresses like an authentic Renaissance Princess at the Halloween Party in Act II! So much of Stephanie Hsu’s performance informed the song itself—she’s a brilliant actor and a soulful singer and it’s impossible to not conjure up images of her live performance when listening to her on the album.

The placement of this song moved around a whole bunch during our writing process and the eureka moment was realizing that the song’s not literally about play rehearsal. It’s a song about passion and freedom. It’s not the typical way to be introduced to a leading lady in a musical, which makes it perfect for Christine and for Be More Chill, in general. 

The original second song in the show was an internal duet for Jeremy and Christine called “Touching My Hand.” It was about Jeremy pining for Christine and Christine wondering if she should go on a date with Jake. There was some nice character material for Jeremy, but it gave us information we already knew and it made the show feel like some cute romantic comedy. It also felt antithetical to the character to have Christine’s first real song moment be about a guy. That’s not her and we needed to respect that.

Note that the original full title of this song was “Why I Love Play Rehearsal By Christine Canigula,” which is very fussy and precious and I loved it but it’s too cumbersome and I knew that someone would inevitably make me change it so I just did it myself. (RIP Fussy, Too-Long Title That Joe Loved.)

“The Squip Song” Written at Joe’s 16th Street Apartment, 2012 It begins as a retro-sounding “cool kid in a ’90s movie” rock song (with some Oingo Boingo horns added in for good measure) and then turns full blown sci-fi/horror fantasia. And it all goes down in a bathroom. There are a lot of bathrooms in this musical. 

This song is the first time we hear the “It’s From Japan…” refrain, which repeats ten million times over the course of the show. Gerard Canonico is a powerhouse of the highest order and he turned this song from a serviceable musicalized scene into a show stopper. The optional octave up jump on the second “It’s From Japan” is all Canonico’s doing. We had to add the big ending (including a toilet flush on the final button) just because it was so clear people wanted to clap after Gerard finished doing his thing.

Props to Josh Plotner on the vocoder, yet another retro instrument that’s rarely used in theater orchestration. It’s what makes the weird digitized voice sound. People usually think that it’s a mic effect but it’s all done live! Old school, baby.

For those who care: Gerard’s pronunciation of the word “correctly” is a nod to The Shining’s scary bathroom encounter between Jack Torrence and Delbert Grady.

“Two-Player Game” Written at Joe’s 47th Street Apartment, 2013/Rewritten during rehearsals at Ripley Grier Studios, 2015 I enjoy writing songs where characters have to work through some major personal issue while doing an unrelated task. (Ahem, “The Answer.” Ahem, “Ammonia.”)

Here, the boys talk about self-worth and the desire to be somebody else while playing a video game. Of course, the video game is actually telegraphing the journey they are about to go on but to Michael and Jeremy it’s just another nothing-special hang sesh. When I wrote that little 8-Bit “Apocalypse of the Damned” theme that threads through the song, I was inspired by being a kid and plunking out the melodies to grandiose John Williams orchestral scores on my Casio.

The original version of this song was titled “Level Up” and it did a lot of what “Two-Player Game” does, just not as well. It also sounded exactly like a particular song by The Clash and once I realized how similar the two songs were, “Level Up”s days were numbered.

It should be noted that I am the world’s biggest stickler when it comes to rhyme. I’m super old-school in that I believe things either rhyme or they don’t; none of that “half rhyme” garbage. I think rhyme makes theatre songs easier to understand and actually heightens the dramatic intention of the lyric. Disgustingly, “Two-Player Game” contains an accidental fake rhyme. By the time I realized, it was too late to change the rhyme. Every time I hear it, I cringe, and you can pay me a million dollars but I won’t tell you what it is. 

“The Squip Enters” The grand entrance of our antagonist: The Squip. It was important to our radiantly talented director Stephen Brackett that The Squip’s entrance feel larger than life. His staging of the moment was dazzling, and I needed to write a cue that rose to that occasion. The Squip enters to music that is tastelessly huge, appropriately so. 

It should be noted that I wrote The Squip with Eric William Morris in mind and I’m so glad his iconic performance of the role is preserved forever and ever on the album.

“Be More Chill – Part 1” Written in Joe’s 47th Street Apartment, 2013  I had a lot of trouble figuring out the musical style of The Squip. First I went down a computer-y road, but that felt too in line with the sound of the rest of the show. Then I tried a sort of 1950’s Dick Dale Surf Rock take. (Mike Rosengarten’s nasty, relentless guitar line is a remnant of that version of the song.) 

Eventually, I settled into what currently exists. There’s a timeless cool, laid-back quality to The Squip’s music. It’s approachable and sexy but never too scary or affronting. This is seduction music. The moments where the vocoder is adding the spooky digitized element the melody line (“don’t freak out and don’t resist…”) is where The Squip’s true colors are peeking through the façade just a little bit. By the time we get to “The Play” he’s given up on trying to seduce and is just trying to conquer, so his music sounds different.

The whole “Be More Chill” section is really just a classic “make-over montage” sequence (it’s even set at The Mall!) so I took some musical inspiration from make-over and training sequences as well. Think Karate Kid, Dirty Dancing, The Breakfast Club.

A lot of people are bothered by the harshness of the “everything about you makes me want to die” line. To me, that’s the whole point of the show. The tone may be comedic, but the characters in Be More Chill are actual teenagers struggling with actual problems. I don’t think being depressed or suicidal is a laughing matter, but I do think sometimes people feel like there is a voice inside their head telling them to hurt themselves. It would be insulting and untruthful to pretend that a kid like Jeremy wasn’t struggling with these thoughts. 

The humor, the fantasy, and the harsh reality co-exist in every moment of the show. And, in my experience, in every moment in life. It’s about learning how to deal with it and knowing which of the many voices in your head you’re supposed to listen to. But we’re not at that particular song yet.

“Do You Wanna Ride?” Written in [memory temporarily scrambled] I have no memory of writing this mini-song, it just happened. It didn’t exist and then it did. Look, I made a spicy song about stopping for frozen yogurt where there never was a spicy song about stopping for frozen yogurt. 

Lauren Marcus’s interpretation is a gift from the theatre gods and is a testimony to her brilliance as an actor, singer, comedian and all-around magic person. The yodel, the riff at the end, all Marcus. She’s the Goldie Hawn of musical theater. 

“Be More Chill – Part 2” When I stumbled upon the idea of the “Everything about you is going to be wonderful” section, that’s when the song really clicked for me. After being berated for all the things he isn’t, Jeremy finally gets teased with the promise of unadulterated love and adoration. It’s the false promise of spam emails about penis enlargement pills or the aspirational Instagram accounts of the Kardashians. The idea of: “If you just do This, everything will be Perfect.” The musical equivalent of “Make America Great Again.” Cheerful, optimistic, secretly sinister. The writing and performance make me think that it’s a theme song for an awful 1980s sitcom that never existed in the first place. “Everybody Loves Squips!” maybe.

Props to Dan McMillan for aggressively hitting that gong at the end for a big finish. 

“More Than Survive” (Reprise) Restart! The show essentially begins again and we fast forward through another day at school, this time with notes and instructions from Mr. Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor himself.

The chorus goes into a reggae feel for a few measures at one point. The idea there is that sometimes things are the same but feel a little different and you can’t quite put your finger on why. The familiar feels unsettling. Reggae is a style of music associated with Michael, so I like thinking that maybe Jeremy has Michael on his mind in that one instant before Squip wipes the slate clean.

“A Guy That I’d Kinda Be Into” Written in Ripley-Grier Studios 2015, during rehearsal This was the last song I wrote for the show. I wrote it very quickly on a rehearsal break after not being able to nail this moment for years. I love that Christine gets this unexpected jangly little rock song as her second big number. 

Have you ever noticed how the female lead in musicals is often saddled with the most drag-ass songs? Part of my mission in musical theater is to never subject my female lead to an unmotivated obligatory ballad. 

It should be noted that Christine ends both this tune and “I Love Play Rehearsal” with an unexpected non-rhyme. Christine is a character who subverts our expectations of her at every turn. Gosh, I like her. 

“The Squip Lurks”  I’m eternally grateful we got to include this taste of underscore on the album. I’ve heard rumors that this plays in theme parks during the Halloween season. That’s the highest honor I could ever receive. 

The track name is a reference to “The Shape Lurks” cue from the Halloween soundtrack. And, yes, “Jeremy’s Theme” is also a nod to “Laurie’s Theme.” 

“Upgrade”  Written at a Two River Theater writing retreat, 2014 // Re-written at Ripley Grier Studios 2015, during rehearsal

The line “this is my favorite place behind the school” is one of Joe Tracz’s great creations, delivered incomparably by Ms. Marcus. I don’t know why I find it so funny but I laugh every time I hear it. I think it reveals so much about Brooke.

The notes of “Upgrade-upgrade-upgrade” in the first part of the song are the same notes as the pattern that begins “More Than Survive.” They are just a little scrambled up. The melody of “I already know what it’s like to be the loser” is the “Apocalypse of the Damned” theme song melody.

This song is notable as the first time the character of Jake sings in the show. Poor Jakey D. This is the only musical in history where the classically good-looking Prince Charming-type gets the least amount to sing. I still like the guy, though. It’s another testament to the brilliant Joe Tracz that a character like Jake, who could’ve been a one-dimensional asshole jock, is actually a kind, well-meaning popular kid. Dude can’t help that he’s pretty! Jake Boyd’s vocals are so sensitive and approachable and kind of remind me of Mr. Peanut Butter from Bojack Horseman.

The final chorus of the song is the same melody but we lose the swing and make it more of a driving rock. Damn. Things got not cute quick.

This song used to end with a long minor version of the “Na Na Na” theme from “More Than Survive.” It was very musically exciting and too long and did nothing to service the story and was cut.

“Halloween” Written at a Two River Theater writing retreat 2014 The Halloween Party is a mammoth sequence that begins Act II and I knew it needed its own theme song. I wanted to write a chorus that sounded like what it feels like to be shoved around in loud, hot, crowded room. The sort of song that would send anyone with social anxiety into a full-blown panic attack.

The Suburban Halloween Party is such a hallmark of the movies myself and my collaborators were inspired by and we endeavored to do those films justice and make the greatest Halloween party blowout sequence in musical theater history. Please note that when we wrote the show, there weren’t actually any other musicals with Halloween Party blowout sequences, so just by existing, we were automatically the greatest. Now we’ve got some competition. How fetch! (Mean Girlsreference.) 

There’s an element of group awareness in the “Halloween” lyric. “Cuz a Halloween party’s a rad excuse to put your body through mad abuse.” That’s because we’re experiencing the party through Jeremy. This is his first big social event and as much as he’s trying to be part of it, he’s still on the outside. He’s got a detachment that allows for a bit of perspective.

The dance break was arranged by Broadway legend Rob Berman! He based the melody line on a part of “Halloween” that was subsequently cut. It’s the “who’s got the peach Schnapps?!” section. I often add it back in when I perform the song in concert. 

Props to Amanda Ruzza’s propulsive bass line! Crank it up, crank it up!

“Do You Wanna Hang?” “Do You Wanna Ride?” strikes back! With new lyrics relating to Chloe’s Sexy Baby costume! Katie Carlson is yet another four-leaf clover in our incredible cast of musical theater misfits. Chloe is hilarious and monstrous without ever being a cartoon. She’s trying her best, just like everyone else, she just has… questionable taste. I’m so enamored with the way Katie does the final “Do you wanna stop?!” chorus. I think in that moment Chloe is trying so hard to be Britney Spears circa 1998. Which would almost work if she wasn’t literally dressed as an infant. There’s something charming and a little sad and completely hilarious about it to me. 

We never actually address the fact that Chloe is dressed as a baby (well, a “sexy baby”) in the lyric. In two million years all that will be left of this world will be a fat cockroach, a copy of the Be More ChillOCR, and a few confused aliens wondering what she means by “get inside my diaper, boy.”

“Michael in the Bathroom” Written at Joe’s 43rd Street Apartment, 2014 Many times as a kid and even more times as an adult, I’ve fled to the bathroom to escape a social situation. It feels like one of those no-big-deal things that everyone does and those are the exact sort of scenarios I’m drawn to when writing musical theater.

I’ve always been partial to the “Best Friend” characters. I want to know more about them and never understand why they exist only in the context of the lead character. In every show I’ve written I’ve imagined that when a secondary character leaves the stage, they’re walking into another show where they’re the lead. “Michael in the Bathroom” is the moment when the ultimate sidekick is allowed to take center stage and be the star of someone else’s show. I hope it makes the audience think about all the other secondary characters in the show like Chloe or Rich. They’ve probably all had their own “Michael in the Bathroom” moments over the course of the show, we just don’t get to see them. Oh how I long to write “Jenna in Her Bedroom.” Or “Brooke in the Alley Next to Pinkberry.” Maybe for the sequel.

George Salazar’s performance of the song is magic. It’s one of those miracle moments when a song and a performer connect in a specific way. The music and lyrics are a road map, but there are so many people who make the journey of a song like this happen. It all came together through a collaboration between myself and Ned’s characters and Joe’s book and Stephen’s direction and Nathan Dame’s musical direction and Bobby Tilley’s costumes and every other element that goes in to making any moment of theater. 

George is the first person to sing “Michael in the Bathroom” in the show itself, but while I was developing the score, the song was sung out of context by a few gents including Jason Tam, Seth Eliser, and Will Roland. They taught me much about the tune and I bow down to them.

I wrote the song in one sitting in 2014 and the content never changed, aside from the cutting of a short third verse right after the bridge. We cut it late in the rehearsal process in deference to the “too much of a good thing can be dangerous” rule of theater.

A few people have questioned my use of humor in songs that are otherwise quite serious. “Why do you have jokes in such a powerful song?” an uptight professor once asked. “Why is this hilarious showtune so stinking sad?” a late-nite comedian queried over drinks at McHale’s. The intersection of the comedy and the tragedy feels true to the human experience. The absurdity of having to work through things at the Worst Possible Moment is something I’ve experienced many times. Things are rarely all good or all bad but things are always messy. You find out you got into your dream school while you’re high at your racist grandfather’s funeral. You have to audition for a role on Stranger Things the same day that a mountain lion eats the family dog. (RIP Spot.) You have a panic attack while wearing a Halloween costume after fighting with your possessed best friend in the bathroom of High School Halloween Party. It’s all so forlorn and confusing and funny. To me at least. 

Charlie and I worked closely getting the arrangement just right. We wanted it to ebb and flow and sound like a pop song at first, never giving away that it will eventually turn into this tour-de-force musical theatre mad scene. I like when orchestration is at odds with the content of a song and doesn’t immediately announce what the song is about.

After going on this monumentally poignant journey, Michael undercuts it all with a spot of sarcasm, carrying on the great tradition of musical theatre characters who don’t really mean it when they say “I’m so glad I came.” (Follies reference.) The whole thing ends with the most sardonic cha-cha-cha ever to button a number.

“The Smartphone Hour (Rich Set A Fire)” Written at Ripley-Grier Studios, 2014 Jenna Rolan finally gets her moment of glory, unexpectedly, as the star of a seven-minute dance number. Katie Ladner’s turn as Jenna is so specific and inventive. She deflects the casual barbs thrown at her because she is not letting anyone ruin the time she gets to shine. 

I set out to write a song that dramatizes and activates the dangerous world that the Be More Chill characters exist in. We spend so much time with our kind, sensitive protagonists, it’s easy to forget the madness they are living in. It’s hard to be a teenager, especially today. It’s a menacing world where information travels at warp speed. As does gossip, rumors, insults, lies, etc. To me, “The Smartphone Hour” speaks to the ferociousness of modern teenagers and shines a light on the sort of environment that leads to bullying and depression and worse.

It’s also a splashy musical comedy dance number! I wanted it to feel overlong and unreasonably gargantuan. I thought for sure some smart theatre artist along the way would force me to cut this song. I decided I was going to fight for it. It may not cover a ton of story ground, but I felt that it was imperative to have the number in the show. It sets the audience up for the craziness that’s about to happen in Act II and lets us know that things have spun out of control—both in the story and in the show itself. I think subconsciously, the audience thinks: “A dance number about arson?! The rules of the show are changing! I hope nothing unexpected happens to the characters I love! They wouldn’t kill off Jeremy, would they? Well, if I’m watching a dance number about arson anything is possible! Oh no! #SaveJeremy!” 

Luckily, I never had to fight for the song. As soon as Chase Brock got his hands on it, he made it longer, in deference to the “too much of a good thing can be wonderful” rule of theater. Rob Berman’s arrangement of the dance break sounds like a sleepover from hell on crack and Charlie’s smartphone sounds bear more than a striking resemblance to the sort of sounds normally associated with the sinister Squip. Gossip is Evil, kids.

I really feel like we made the best Michael Bennett number Michael Bennett never choreographed. The final shouted: “End!” was all Chase’s idea and I love it so much. It’s a moment that lives in the real estate between musical theater Cheese Ball and rock’n’roll Middle Finger. A neighborhood I often hang my hat in.

The notes of the phone buttons that are heard after “he told me cuz he’s my best friend” are, once again, the same notes as the “More Than Survive” intro figure. Just reversed this time.

The title is an obvious reference to “The Telephone Hour” from Bye Bye Birdie. “Rich…” is by no means a parody of that song, but I think they are spiritual cousins. It’s another example of Be More Chill having a foot in the past and a foot in the future. 

“The Pitiful Children” Written at Joe’s 47th Street Apartment, 2013 / Joe’s 43rd Street Apartment, 2014–2015 / Ripley-Grier Studios and Two River Theater 2015, during rehearsals Oh, heavens, this song. The lyrics of this song changed a ton over the course of the rehearsal process and I never got it quite right. I love it on the album. It sounds like what would’ve happened if Marilyn Manson and Nine Inch Nails wrote Les Misérables. Alas, dramaturgically, I don’t think I did a great job of telling the story that Joe Tracz laid out. Don’t be surprised if this one gets fiddled with in anticipation of our forthcoming Be More Chill off-Broadway production.

The orchestration of this song is one of my favorites in the whole show. It pushes The Squip firmly into digitized-demon territory. He’s worrying less about seducing people in this number and he’s letting his true colors show. His true colors are cold, industrial, heavy, and militaristic. There’s no question that this Squip has his sights set on world domination.

I like using lyrics that work dramatically and stylistically. The Squip’s “beep-bop-boop” is literally him speaking in his native computerized tongue, but it also conjures up images of an old-fashioned crooner scatting. It’s connected to Jeremy’s “C-c-c-cmon” and the Ensemble’s “Hey hey hey” and all the rest of it.

“The Pants Song” Written at Joe’s Family’s house on Long Island, 2014 My experience writing this song is very much an example of the comic/tragic thing that I often love to write about. 

I had tried to write a song for Jeremy’s Dad for the longest time and could never crack it. Joe Tracz said to me: “I just wish Jeremy’s Dad could have a song about the lesson he learns. That if you love somebody, you put your pants on for them.” Essentially, I am an idea thief. I immediately knew that sentence was a song, I just didn’t know how to write it. We were doing a developmental reading of the show and I was feeling the pressure. There was a date I needed to have the song in by and I had nothing. The day before I needed to have the song, I decided that after rehearsal I was going to have a drink with my best friend Jason SweetTooth Williams and then go home and write the song. And then my Grandma died. After a long illness, my grandmother Flora (RIP Flora) left this damned earth at the Iconis home on Long Island. I needed and wanted to be with my family. After doing all the things that you do when a loved one dies, I went downstairs to my family’s basement at 2 AM and wrote “The Pants Song” in one shot. Sometimes you have to write a song about two guys in their underpants on the night your beloved grandma dies.

Paul Whitty starts in such a forlorn, hurt place at the top of this song. I bet the audience thinks this is going to be a perfect-time-for-a-cigarette-break “sad dad” number and then it turns into a total bop. Much like the “We love everything about you…” section of “Be More Chill,” this was another song that I wanted to feel like a rockin’ version of the theme song from a 1980’s sitcom. Only difference is, the mythical sitcom that “We love everything about you…” comes from is phony and corporate and the “Pants Song” show is heartfelt and cool, Must See TV material.

There used to be a song for Jeremy’s Dad earlier in the show called “The No Pants Song,” where he extolled the virtues of not getting dressed. It was a sad, lazy waltz. The whole thing was one-joke, but I did love the final stanza:

ALL THE EXERTION OF PUTTING ON, THEN TAKING OFF JUST TO PUT BACK ON SEEMS TERRIBLY UNNECCESSARY TO ME WOULDN’T YOU SAY? I’M FINE WITH A Y-FRONT COVERING MY FRONT EVERY DAY

It should be noted that many of my musicals feature moments of pantslessness for male characters. This feels fitting as I am often pantsless when I write said musicals. Write what you know, Joe. (ReWrite reference.)

This is the only song in Be More Chill that features a big, in-your-face key change. I’m normally very discreet about my key changes, but a tasteless shift up a step for two men dancing in their undies feels earned. 

The in-store music playing in the background of The Mall sequence is actually a Muzak version of “The Pants Song.” The moment I wrote the tune I knew it was destined to be the annoying music played on a loop in the atrium of a mall. The sort of irritating ear worm that slowly drives the employees of Payless and Sbarro’s mad.

“The Play” As a kid who spent hours listening to the big action-packed climaxes of the Sweeney Todd OCR, the Sunset Blvd. OCR, and the Carrie soundboard bootleg (thanks, 1996 Playbill Online message boards for making that one happen!), I’m so thrilled we got to include ours on the album. The underscore is straight-up cinematic, with all the themes of the past two hours crashing into each other like violent zombie bumper cars.

A few people have asked me if the cascading downward piano line in “The Play” is referencing “Suppertime” from Little Shop of Horrors. While the two riffs sound similar I was actually alluding to, you guessed it, John Carpenter film scores. The 5/4 time signature and downward modulation are dead giveaways. But I do agree that the line sounds not dissimilar to “Suppertime,” which is fine by me! Little Shop was my first musical and has clearly influenced me in countless ways as a writer, especially on Be More Chill. 

The “Michael makes an entrance” line came late in the game and is a testament to the “sometimes the best thing a writer can do is just musicalize the stage direction” rule of theater. 

One of my favorite bits of orchestral business is the twisted music box version of the “More Than Survive” chorus. Hella Danny Elfman. (Shout out to Rich’s Nightmare Before Christmas belt buckle! The 1990’s are alive and well and living inside my musical.)

The “Squip Death” section was hatched by Eric William Morris and myself in the basement dressing rooms of Two River Theater. It’s hard to make out, but as the Squip is destructing he’s speaking Japanese. The Japanese was translated by my bestie-since-fourth-grade Michael Ettannani. We’ve all got our Michaels.

“Voices In My Head” Written at a Two River Theater writing retreat, 2015

The point of Be More Chill is that we’re always going to have voices in our head, both good and bad, telling us what to do. The trick is to figure out which ones to listen to. The fear and doubt and anger and anxiety never really go away, but you can find a way to manage them. At one point in our process Joe Tracz articulated this by saying: “At the end of the show, there are still voices in his head, but the loudest one is Jeremy’s.” Yet again, I am a lowdown dirty idea thief. I stole Joe’s words and turned them into our finale.

Since the show begins and ends with ensemble numbers led by Jeremy, I thought this was a nice opportunity to chart our leading man’s growth. I wanted the vibe of the chorus to be different from “More Than Survive.” It’s more laidback, it’s more confident, it’s more playful. It’s more (ahem) chill. Even when the Ensemble kicks in with the “Na’s Na’s” from the beginning of the show, it’s less aggressive than it used to be. There’s harmony and everyone’s singing together instead of singing at each other.

It was important to all of the creators of the show that the triumph of our show not be that Jeremy gets with Christine. The personal triumph for him is that he’s able to deal with his “stuff” enough to have a normal-person conversation with her. I don’t know if Jeremy ends up with Christine after the events of Be More Chill. Maybe he does. Maybe he ends up with Michael. Maybe he ends up with no one. It really doesn’t matter. What matters is that he has figured out that his voice is one that is worthy of being listened to. And that allows him to get on with his life and move forward. All of the characters being together shouting “C’mon, let’s go!” is a triumph to me. They don’t know what’s next, but they’re going to go through it together. An army of Creeps, taking on the world hand in hand.

Robert Altman used to talk about how he never understood why movies ended with weddings. Why is the story over just because two people kiss? There are no real endings in life except, maybe, death. Musically, I didn’t want the show to end with a big held-out chord or with arms-around-each-other “it’s all gonna be alright!” sweetness. I wanted the very end to feel raucous and alive and like the music is tumbling toward something. Toward the future.

The joke of the ending is that even though the kids at Middleborough deactivated The Squip and prevented a total take-over, chances are good that all of the neighboring high schools have been completely taken over. No one is safe, all we can do is prepare ourselves as best we can. They may offer you fortune and fame. Love and money and instant acclaim. But whatever they offer you don’t feed the… Squips? Sorry, wrong show. Smiley face, lipstick, kitty paw.

[robindrake93]

Winter Is For Wolves (7332 words) by robindrake93 Chapters: 6/6 Fandom: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Joseph Kavinsky/Ronan Lynch, Noah Czerny/Ronan Lynch Characters: Ronan Lynch, Richard Gansey III, Adam Parrish, Noah Czerny, Blue Sargent, Joseph Kavinsky Additional Tags: Wolf Ronan Lynch, POV Multiple, POV Third Person, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Wolf Instincts, Underage Drinking, Drugged Ronan Lynch, Joseph Kavinsky is His Own Warning, Boys Kissing, Animal Attack, Happy Ending, Fluff, Minor Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish, Minor Richard Gansey III/Blue Sargent, Dreamsharing Summary: Ronan accidentally turned himself into a wolf. This is how his closest friends react.

[fischerfrey]

oc x oc connections masterpost

an open oc x oc interaction post with all of my characters looking for different relationship dynamics!

this post will be updated with all new additions and when one of the ocs featured becomes unavailable!

preference for mutuals and matching story lines!

if you're interested in any of these ocs, please feel free to message me via dms, asks, or comment on/reblog this post directly!

current available ocs: 15

looking for a love interest: 6

victorian era;

alphonse edevane (intro post)

professor of ancient runes

wealthy background

half-blood

ravenclaw

researcher, explorer

bisexual

starts teaching at around 30 years old

studious, socially awkward, prefers books to people, sweetheart

open for;

love interest (of any gender)

friends

colleagues

harlan rowle (intro post)

born 1874/75?? (depending on the timeline)

slytherin

pureblood

bisexual

a little bitch (derogatory)

a slut (affectionate)

he doesn't really have a set story line yet but maybe some relationship dynamics would help me develop him!

love interest: winona rosewood by @usernoneexistent

open for:

friends

dorm mates

rivals/enemies

ww1 era;

klara belikova (profile)

born 1892

sagittarius

istj

lesbian

pureblood

durmstrang

closed off emotionally, kind of rude, tries to be a better person

open for:

love interest

friendships after school (since in school she's a huge bitch and only hangs out with lexi, kat, and fiete)

rivals/enemies (especially during school)

sydney barlow (profile)

born 1892

aquarius

esfp

slytherin

a little bitch *affectionate*

funny lil guy

love interest: alexej kavinsky by @potionboy3

open for:

friends

dorm-mates

rivals and enemies

leda gaunt (profile)

born 1893

leo

slytherin

isfp

she's the most decent person out of her family

voldemort is her first cousin once removed lol

love interest: lunas avery by @cursed-herbalist

open for:

friends

school acquaintances

dorm-mates

riddle era;

charlotte quinn

born 1924 (ish)

pureblood

slytherin

prefect and head girl

older sister of stephen, aunt of bessie and camron, great grandmother of baby

bisexual (not actively aware of this)

star pupil, compassionate, sheltered childhood

open for:

love interest (of any gender, with the disclaimer that she'll have at least one child at some point)

friends

school rivals

stephen quinn sr.

born 1926 or 1927

classmates with tom riddle

slytherin

pureblood

is among tom's closest circle of friends but doesn't become a death eater later on

regrets his actions as an adult

smart, ambitious, gravitates towards charismatic leaders to get closer to power and influence

love interest: gwendoline quinn, née greengrass

open for:

friends (especially others who are pals with dear old tom)

dorm-mates

rivals

frederica "freddy" of alderly

born sometime in the early 1930s (ish)

firstborn child of edward of alderly and jocelyn somerset

gryffindor (only sibling with magic)

half-blood

bisexual

has a wicked sense of humour and shirks her duties like her dad

oldest of four children but is more often than not doing her own thing and letting her younger brother edwin take on the role of the oldest sibling

open for:

love interest (of any gender)

friends

marauders' era;

brandon "bran" vespertine (intro post)

born 1966

samara's brother

slytherin

half-blood

gay

a mess

tw: substance abuse (this guy is his own trigger warning truly)

love interest: tba

open for:

friends

hpma;

olympia alderly

born 1998

muggleborn (with wizarding roots in her family tree)

beauxbatons

princess<3<3

quincey's sister

laid back, just wants to live her life in peace (that's why wanted to go to beauxbatons for her schooling)

love interest: gaia alden by @cursed-herbalist

open for:

friends

classmates from beauxbatons

anora brindlemore (intro post)

born 1958

ravenclaw

bisexual

professor of defence against dark arts

based on hpma's mysterious dada professor

a mysterious past, several brushes with dark forces

a demanding teacher but ultimately cares deeply about teaching future generations to be able to defend themselves

has two children; bloom, born in 1995, and twyla, born in 1999

bloom's father was a decent guy but he's dead, twyla's father is a dick and not around

trust issues

her children are her priority

love interest: cairo aguilar by @cursebreakerfarrier

open for;

colleagues

friends

bloom brindlemore (anora's intro post, lol)

born in 1995

slytherin

pureblood

son of anora brindlemore, professor of dada

half-brother of twyla

quidditch player, jock supreme

gay

mummy issues

identity crisis 24/7

not in touch with his emotions

love interest: tba

open for:

friends

dorm-mates

rivals

next gen;

apollyon "polly" byrn

born around 1993

vampire

slytherin

brother of ella

gay

kind of evil

assassin

be gay do crime

love interest: idris potter by @potionboy3

open for:

enemies😈

imogen everlane (intro post)

born 2005

ravenclaw

half-blood

bisexual

musician

aloof, eccentric

she's probably not very well-adjusted ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

open for:

love interest (of any gender)

friends

dorm-mates

rivals

misc;

aada aarnintytär (intro post)

born in the 1600s, immortal

bisexual

half-blood

avid user of blood magic and other sort of shady magicks

"do not cite the deep magic to me bitch, i was there when it was written"

finnish but has lived in soooo many countries during the centuries

sister of loviisa and aino

former carefree social butterfly turned vigilante to avenge the death of her younger sister during the witch trials

*vigilante shit by tswift playing in the background*

open for:

love interest (of any gender) for any time period since the 1600s but preferably for modern times

friends

enemies

[clotpolesonly]

📔!!

(content/trigger warning: abuse and dubcon) (also this turned into a whole-ass notfic, it's lengthy, sorry not sorry, i think about this one so much alkjfgakfg)

.

badwrong Declinsky AU where Kavinsky runs an underground boxing ring. he's invited Ronan a dozen times, but Gansey told him no, and Ronan is obeying that edict as long as Gansey doesn't try to stop him from racing too.

Declan has also told Ronan no, and tried to get him to stop racing, and tried to get him to stop going anywhere near Kavinsky because Kavinsky is fucking dangerous and the worst kind of influence and gonna get him in trouble or hurt or in jail or

but also.......Ronan isn't the only one who boxes. and if anyone needs an outlet for pent up aggression, it's Declan. so, against his better judgment, in spite of all the warnings he's given to his brother, in a moment of shameful weakness, Declan goes. he goes to one of Kavinsky's warehouses, he gets in the ring, and he lets himself go a little feral.

and it's fucking great. it feels fantastic to let loose, to not have to worry about the person he's hitting, to let himself sink into the physicality of it and just fight, to WIN unequivocally, to have a whole crowd of people cheering for him and chanting his name.

it's not so great dealing with Kavinsky himself. he's sleazy and provocative and casually dismissively cruel in that special way of his, but he's the one in charge here. and he likes the way Declan fights. he invites Declan back, says he could make him some real money, put him on the books. says Declan could be something special.

Declan has never felt special.

at first Declan tells him to fuck off. this was a one time thing and it's not happening again. but that only holds until the next time Ronan calls him a selfish bastard, until the next time he gets called out of his own class because Matthew missed too many assignments in his, until the next time his burner phone goes off and the reminder of the utter shit show his dad left him to deal with makes him feel like the world is falling apart around him.

then he's back in the ring. then his opponent is on the ground and Kavinsky is holding his arm up and declaring him the winner, pounding him on the back and calling him a champion. then the crowd is chanting his name like it means something more than just Declan.

after a lifetime of deliberate underachievement (and parental emotional negligence), the acknowledgement alone is intoxicating. combined with the endorphin thrill of the fight and he's flying high. he wonders if this is what Ronan feels like when he races. it's gotta be, to make it worth the risk. to make it worth Kavinsky, pressing in close behind him, hands on his bare shoulders, shouting in his ear about what a fucking show he put on.

Declan tries to keep his distance from Kavinsky, he really does. the problem is that Kavinsky really gets off on provoking people, on getting them react to him, and that makes Declan -- staid, stoic, tightly controlled, unflappable Declan -- his white fucking whale. (at least while Ronan is still playing lapdog to Gansey and out of his reach. he's playing the long game there.)

for now, he's set his sights on Declan, and Kavinsky always gets what he wants eventually.

it's a back and forth between praising him for his prowess in the ring, making him feel special and valued, and pissing him off once he's out of the ring, negging and confrontational and, worst of all, comparing him to Ronan. always reminding Declan that Ronan was his first choice, that Ronan is everyone's first choice. Kavinsky is nothing if not good at knowing what pressure points to hit, and Declan's aren't exactly hard to guess.

it takes him a couple of weeks to goad Declan into a big reaction, but it only takes a few seconds to turn the tables on him when it happens. in the aftermath of a big win, Declan riding the high, still shaking with adrenaline. Kavinsky, with one well placed snide comment, shoved back against a wall and about to get hit. pulling Declan in and kissing him instead, the bait and switch too quick and destabilizing for Declan to react appropriately at first. Kavinsky gets them off, rough and quick, and leaves Declan there to stew in the confusion and mixed feelings of it.

it becomes a pattern, sex with Kavinsky. it's not something that Declan ever intends to do, but somehow it keeps happening anyway, and Declan's never entirely sure how he gets there. especially because it's not exactly pleasant. not that it doesn't feel good physically (it does, usually, even when it's rough, and Kavinsky always makes sure he gets off) but the dichotomy of it, emotionally, doesn't. one minute, praise, the next, degradation. petting his hair with one hand and slapping his face with the other. he feels perpetually off balance, and he hates that feeling.

if asked, Declan would say it doesn't matter. it's just sex. he's had plenty of casual sex with people he didn't particularly like, and this is no different. it's just part of the whole fucked up bad idea stress relief thing that is this boxing ring. he's got it under control.

except that he's on the books now, contracted (so to speak, for whatever value that has in an illegally run underground operation like this) for however many fights Kavinsky thinks will be profitable, which is a lot. he's Kavinsky's prize fighter (he croons that in Declan's ear when he fucks him sometimes, that he's K's champion, his favorite, that even Ronan doesn't compare) and Kavinsky isn't going to let him go. the fights themselves are getting harder, and the stakes higher. word of the ring is spreading and people are coming in from all over to get a piece of the action.

there's also K's dreaming to contend with. he's not doing a whole lot with it here, but Declan knows about it, and K knows he knows about it, and that knowledge hovers over them without needing to spoken. the fact that Kavinsky has power and Declan doesn't. that Kavinsky could do anything and Declan wouldn't be able to stop him. the fact that, whatever control Declan thinks he has over this situation, he's lying to himself about it. Kavinsky holds all the cards here.

Declan comes to that realization, in truth, long before he allows himself to actually acknowledge it. he's very good at suppressing thoughts and emotions he doesn't want to deal with, and the nature of his relationship with Kavinsky gets packed into a neatly labeled box and shoved in the back of his mind where he can ignore it while he hides bruises from his brothers and his teachers alike. this is fine. everything is fine, he has it under control.

spoiler alert: he does not have it under control. also, Kavinsky is getting bored with the holding pattern. he wanted Declan, and he got him. with that out of the way, he sets his sights back on the other Lynch. he tries again to get Ronan to join the fight, which doesn't work, so he tries sowing a little entertaining mayhem instead using his new favorite toy: he starts dropping hints about Declan. nothing overt, but enough to get Ronan's attention.

Ronan, not one for beating around the bush, tries confronting Declan to find out wtf K meant by what he said. asks him outright what's going on. but Declan is not about to admit to anyone, especially Ronan, that he got himself into an abusive relationship with Joseph Kavinsky and is contracted to fight in the underground boxing ring that he specifically warned Ronan away from.

he tries pushing Ronan away, which usually works cuz Ronan gets pissy and defensive and is more than happy to leave him alone. this time, though, Ronan is determined not to be pushed so it just pisses him off. they end up fighting, as they often do. but Declan is still injured from his last match. and he's so tired of fighting. for once, he doesn't actually want to fight with Ronan. some part of him wants to tell his brother what's going on, but he has his pride, and a bigger part of him honestly doesn't think that Ronan would care or even believe him.

he doesn't tell him. he lashes out, tells Ronan that it's none of his goddamn business what Declan does, to fuck off back to his never-ending self-destruction and stop pretending that he gives a shit. he knows what buttons to push and it ends with him, alone on the ground, bleeding, knowing that Kavinsky expects him back in the ring in an hour.

the confrontation shakes them both, though. Ronan, pissed as he is, is now even more determined to figure out what the FUCK is going on. and hey, Kavinsky's invited him to this fight a hundred times. maybe it's time he checks it out.

he gets there right around the time that Declan rebels. it's been a while since he went toe to toe with Kavinsky. Declan had hardly noticed the gradual change in his and K's dynamic, the way their previous push and pull has become a lot more push and a lot less pull over time, but it becomes glaringly obvious when his aggression, once a standard part of their relationship, is met with a backhand that almost knocks him to the ground.

Ronan sees this. but he also sees the way Kavinsky shoves Declan up against a wall and kisses him. he sees the way Declan doesn't (can't) fight it. whatever he was expecting, it wasn't that.

Ronan turns right around and walks back out the door, trying to wrap his head around what the fuck he just witnessed. none of it matches up with the image of his brother that he's always had in his head -- someone untouchable, someone strong and proud and in control. someone who does things, not has things done to them. and after the last few years and all the shit that's gone down between them, Ronan is hard-wired for blame where Declan is concerned, that's his first instinct and knee-jerk reaction. anger is a safe and familiar emotion, so he defaults to an explanation that's easier to swallow than any of the other ways that what he witnessed could be interpreted.

Declan yelled at him for racing and warned him off of this exact fight. Declan told him to stay away from Kavinsky. why? so Declan could fuck him himself? so Declan could fight without Ronan knowing about it? Declan is a fucking hypocrite.

he's worked himself up good and mad by the time Declan comes out after his match, Kavinsky draped all over him (praise and affection, to balance out the slap Declan drove him to earlier, of course). Ronan starts throwing punches. Kavinsky is, of course, fucking delighted. now he has both Lynches' attention.

Declan, not so delighted. deeply horrified, actually. he somehow manages to get things de-escalated to the point of non-violence (or at least violence temporarily suspended) and tells Kavinsky to go, that he's done enough damage for one night. K only leaves, grinning wolfishly, because he knows it's true. he'll have plenty of fun picking up the pieces later.

Ronan is convinced to continue the confrontation at Declan's apartment where there are at least fewer people to watch from the doorway, thanks, but he doesn't hesitate to let loose as soon as they get there. about what a hypocrite Declan is, about the fighting, about him fucking Kavinsky, about everything.

Declan doesn't even know how to defend himself because saying that he didn't plan for this, that he doesn't want this, is too dangerous to say. because what it really means is "this is non-consensual" and he's not ready to unpack that yet, even just to himself. he's still trying to convince himself that he's got some measure of control over the situation, which he absolutely does not, and what little he had left is rapidly spinning out of reach. Ronan is still yelling, and there's nothing he can say to him that won't make things worse, and all he can think of is how K is going to take advantage of this, and this is the story of Declan's first panic attack.

it's not a loud sobby one, more like Gansey's silent one when he was down the hole in the cave. he's distantly aware of what's happening, but outwardly he's just frozen. pale and shaky, heart racing, breath coming fast, eyes wide open on nothing, hands clenched white knuckled on the table edge.

it takes Ronan ages to notice. it isn't until he shoves Declan, thinking he's ignoring him (he's done that before, when he deemed Ronan's tirade a tantrum) and that shakes loose some of those hyperventilation gasps that he's been keeping so carefully controlled. Declan just sits down on the ground, head between his knees.

Ronan has no idea what to do with that. suddenly, he's reminded of the backhand. of the look on Declan's face after the kiss with K, which he had kind of sort of disregarded in favor of being angry. it's getting harder to willfully misinterpret. harder to be mad at Declan when he's curled on the ground on the verge of tears.

he doesn't know what to do. Declan freaking out really freaks him out, cuz Declan doesn't do this!! Declan is the one with the cool head, the one who always has it together, the one who knows what to do in every crisis situation! what the fuck is happening?? nothing about this situation is computing for him, and Ronan zooms past angry and straight into alarmed and concerned.

Ronan has seen Gansey's panic attacks on occasion and he's finally like FUCK OK and figures he would actually at least try to help a little. tries to get him to breathe, tries not to yell anymore at least for now, tries the counting thing that Gansey does sometimes. he can't really tell if it helps or not, but eventually Declan does stop wheezing like that.

the first thing Declan says when he has his breath back is "get out." he says it repeatedly at increasing volumes when Ronan says fuck no. he wants Ronan out of his apartment before he starts crying, because he can feel it coming on, it's the worst feeling in the world and he knows from experience that he can't stop it after holding off a breakdown for this long. when Ronan won't go, Declan scrambles to shut himself in his room and locks the door behind him.

unfortunately for him, Ronan has moved past the angry and confused part and so far into concern that he actually tries being nice.

"look, I don't know what's going on here, man, but just…..just talk to me, okay? just tell me what's going on, you're really freaking me out. never thought I'd say this, but i can help. i wanna help. come on, don't make me kick down this door, Decklo."

Declan, on the floor with his back against the door, sobbing as quietly as possible with this hand over his mouth. he ends up opening the door before he's done crying solely because he knows that Ronan 100% will actually kick his door in, and the last thing he needs right now is the hassle and expense of getting it replaced. but he says "DON'T" and Ronan, for once, obeys and keeps his mouth shut. he just sits down next to Declan, close enough for their shoulders to touch but not looking at him, and waits.

eventually he asks "what the hell did Kavinsky do to you?"

it's the only conclusion he can come to.

Declan says "nothing I didn't let him do" which isn't strictly true, but it feels true.

Ronan asks if Kavinsky needs killing (his way of asking if Kavinsky assaulted Declan, because he's certainly not gonna ask that out loud, but the thought is definitely in his head by now. he knows what K is like better than most.) Declan is like "jesus mary and joseph, NO" and Ronan is already getting frustrated, but Declan -- so so tired and worn down -- asks, very perfunctorily and much more fragile-sounding than he likes, that Ronan not yell at him right now.

Ronan is reminded of something that Blue said once, about how all women are instinctively afraid when men raise their voices, because of the rates of violence against them. he doesn't like being reminded of that by Declan of all people. It implies that Declan was a victim of violence, which is all kinds of wrong and impossible to conceive of. Ronan is SO far out of his depth and he does not know how to handle this.

Declan can see that Ronan is on the verge of jumping up to do something stupid -- he's always been a man of action, not of words and feelings -- and he realizes that he's going to have to tell him. whether he wants to or not. for Ronan's sake, always sacrificing what he wants for Ronan's sake. he feels like shit for being resentful of Ronan right when Ronan's decides to be a good brother for once, but he's got K's voice in his head, rubbing in how much everything is all about Ronan all the time, Ronan the favorite, the prodigal son, and poor little insignificant Declan, so desperate for attention that he'll bend over for anyone who asks nicely. or not so nicely, as the case may be.

it's canon-confirmed that none of the Lynch brothers want to be seen as anything other than deliberate, even if it's deliberately cruel. so Declan wields the truth as a weapon and a shield, opting to hurt them both so at least it's not just him.

"what do you want to hear, Ronan? do you wanna hear about how we fuck? do you wanna hear about how I let Kavinsky get in my head? about how I was so fucking tired of being the only unspecial person in the family that all he had to do was call me his prize fighter and I was rolling over for him? about how he treated me like shit and I kept coming back anyway because I'm so fucking lonely and desperate that I didn't care?"

it's one of those "oh god, my brother is a person" moments for Ronan. he's never really thought that Declan was bothered by being the normal one, because he'd never given any outward indication that he was. Ronan doesn't do repression the way that Declan does, he doesn't understand it or expect it the same way, but he sure is seeing the effect of it now. it's all Declan's polish stripped away to leave him worn thin, ragged at the edges, wild and young and exhausted. angry and resentful and hurting.

weirdly, this Declan is a lot more relatable. it looks a lot more like him.

Ronan tries to think of what Gansey would say. or what Blue would say, she seems like she'd be comforting or whatever. but all he can come up with in the end is "do you need help? getting out?"

Declan's mouth goes dry. "there is no getting out."

he's tried to leave before. he's always been goaded into another fuck, or talked out of it, or promised another fight, or given an ultimatum, or outright threatened. you don't just leave Kavinsky, and Ronan does understand that to an extent. he's raced with K for years now, and he's never managed to quit him no matter how many times Declan and Gansey have tried to convince him to, even when he's sworn to himself that he will.

and K has never had his claws into Ronan as deeply as he does Declan. Ronan has never been isolated, K can't convince Ronan that no one else can give him what he needs because Ronan has Gansey. he has Noah, and Adam, and Blue, and Matthew, and even Declan, if push came to shove. Declan's never had anyone to rely on like that, anyone that he trusted enough to ask for help if he needed it. when he needed it.

but he does now. fuck everything else, fuck all the water under the bridge, they can come back to that shit later. all that matters right now is that Ronan's brother needs help. he's damn well gonna get it. and Kavinsky's gonna get what's coming to him.

.

send me a book emoji for the plot of a fic that i haven't written but daydream about!!

[drynnki]

It's fic rec time!

Hello friends! Happy new year. I read some really good fucking fics the past few weeks, and although I don't have much of a following I wanted to highlight a few! They not in any particular order, more likely just the order I've read them in.

I Can't Hold It & I Have Nowhere to Put it Down by @aalstroemeriawrites

Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish | Post-TRK | Mature | In Progress

I don't think I've read a better version of this time period! A lot of the time in my own writing I struggle to reconcile my aggressively academic writing style with the magical-realism of trc, so I'm always super impressed when someone clearly has their own style, but still leans into the trc-like language. Aalstromeria straddles the line so perfectly!

The storyline was so compelling, and definitely fills the void of "what the hell happened between TRK and TDT??" in a way that feels satisfying and complete. This fic has it all! Angst, tasteful smut, Richard Dick Gansey III. Can't wait for the last chapter!!!

Magnetic by MonsieurBlueSky (@mychemicalrachell)

Ronan Lynch/Joseph Kavinsky | Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish | Re-imagination | Explicit | Completed

HUGE TW: Kavinsky is his own warning, Drug Abuse, Alcoholism, Self Harm, Suicidal Ideation

I. cried. violently. through the whole second half of this fanfic. I am still not okay. If you are in a place to get through the intense sections, this becomes a beautiful story about love, loss, family, and learning to understand yourself again after tragedy. I have severe PTSD and have known several people who struggled with drugs and alcoholism, and this is one of the most realistic and heartbreaking stories about those things I've ever read. Honestly, I cannot overstate the beauty of this fic.

If you can't tell, this entire fic is pretty much entirely heavy angst, but I promise it gets easier. Declan and Matthew are featured heavily, and the brothers learn to love each other and themselves again. Oh, and Robert Parrish gets his ass kicked. Twice.

You Gave Your Body to the Lonely by @mitski-hoe

Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish | Blue Sargent/Richard Gansey III | Noah Czerny/Henry Cheng | No-magic AU | Explicit | Completed

This was such a lovely fic, and one I just had such a great time with. It's always interesting to see how different people write these characters, how their strengths and flaws fluctuate. The author has a really strong sense of how they wanted these two to be in this fic, and they stick to it. Don't worry, I'm not saying Ronan and Adam are strangers here, just different versions of themselves. They still have all the same buttons.

Also, tasteful smut <3

Henrietta: Without Magic, With Medical Careers by @avalonjoan

Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish | Blue Sargent/Richard Gansey III | Opal <3 | No-magic AU | Teen-Mature Depending on Individual Work | In Progress

Do you need a sick-fic? Do you need Ronan and Adam being fluffy and gushy and almost gross? Do you want to hear about the intimate details of the US healthcare system? Then boy, do I have the 39-work series for you! This is my feel-good fic, my go-to, the OG. I've been reading it since it started and honestly I just love these boys and Blue being happy and like a family. Kavinsky is in it and also not an asshole most of the time. Maybe a scoundrel, but a big softie. There's smut, too, if you're looking for that! If not, it's easy to avoid since there are so many high-quality, not-explicit fics in this series. Highly highly highly recommend for some good vibes <3

Anyway, that's all! I just wanted to share these since I adore them and half of them tore a hole in my chest </3 stay safe, stay warm!

[deklo]

ao3 tag joseph kavinsky is his own warning my beloved<3

[ao3feed-trc-dreampack]

you and i were fireworks

by dealwiththedevil

He’d like to blame his father for his stupid decisions. He wanted to blame him for dying, because it was so easy to blame a dead man for not being around.

But you can’t blame the dead for dying. It wasn’t fair. So Ronan blamed everything else. He blamed Kavinsky, for offering the drugs, and he blamed himself for taking them. He blamed Gansey for looking at him with wide, mournful eyes that made Ronan feel nothing but rage. He blamed the man with the tire iron for beating his dad’s skull in, and he blamed Niall Lynch when he was alive for being such a scoundrel that he got himself killed. He blamed Declan for not caring, and Matthew for caring too much, and his mom for caring so much that she’d gone unresponsive.

Blame was so easy. Falling into Kavinsky was easier.

 [AKA, an in-depth exploration of Ronan's complicated relationship with drugs and Kavinsky after his father's death, and the ways in which his friends try to help]

Words: 15297, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Raven Cycle - Maggie Stiefvater

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: Other

Characters: Ronan Lynch, Joseph Kavinsky, Adam Parrish, Blue Sargent, Calla Lily Johnson, Richard Gansey III, Noah Czerny, Cabeswater (Raven Cycle)

Relationships: Joseph Kavinsky/Ronan Lynch, Declan Lynch & Matthew Lynch & Ronan Lynch, Niall Lynch & Ronan Lynch, Noah Czerny & Richard Gansey III & Ronan Lynch & Adam Parrish & Blue Sargent, Ronan Lynch & Adam Parrish, Richard Gansey III & Ronan Lynch, Ronan Lynch & Blue Sargent, Noah Czerny & Ronan Lynch, Ronan Lynch/Adam Parrish

Additional Tags: Drug Use, Underage Drinking, Dubious Consent, Drug Addiction, References to Addiction, References to Drugs, References to Depression, References to Suicide, Joseph Kavinsky is His Own Warning, Angst with a Happy Ending, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, i got really sad about ronan, Ronan Lynch Deals With Niall Lynch's Death, Ronan Lynch is Bad at Feelings, Ronan Lynch Being an Asshole, not romanticising ronan and k's relationship, in fact demonising it, References to Sex, Emotional Roller Coaster, Sexual Repression, coming out in the form of dreams, Cabeswater - Freeform, Dreams, improper use of hail marys, Past Character Death, (it's niall), Drug Withdrawal

from AO3 works tagged 'Joseph Kavinsky/Ronan Lynch' https://ift.tt/98UtEHy via https://ift.tt/JqChwQ9

[mychemicalrachel]

i mean… since i’ve already asked once, maybe the kink prompt will also do? 👉🏻👈🏻 14 for andrew and k? pretty please?

[PWP PROMPTS]

Ahhhhhh hell yes! This was such a fun relationship to explore!! Thank you so much for this prompt!!! 💕💕

14. Dirty Talk

Andrew Minyard and Joseph Kavinsky were different breeds of similarly rabid dogs. Violent and unrestrained, vicious and unrepentant. Warning signs visible from miles away.

The thing Andrew liked most about Kavinsky was his mouth. His bark often preceded his bite– and God, what a bite it was.

Once he had sunk his teeth into Andrew, there was no going back. Honestly, Andrew wouldn't have it any other way.

Andrew had a hard time with people, talking to them and understanding them and respecting them. With Kavinsky, there was no such issue. If he didn't like something, he had no problem letting Andrew, or anyone else, know it. And when he liked something… that was when his teeth really came out.

"I said harder, fuckwad," Kavinsky snapped, his position on his hands and knees in front of Andrew not one of authority by any means, though that didn't stop him from making his demands. "Are you even making an effort? Come on, Minyard. Harder."

Grabbing a handful of Kavinsky’s hair, yanking his head back, Andrew fucked him harder.

Kavinsky cackled, then moaned, sated for only the briefest of moments. It never lasted long. He was always hungry for more, more–

"More," Kavinsky said. He wouldn’t beg and he wouldn't plead, but unlike most of Andrew’s previous partners, he didn't take what he wanted without asking either.

"Tell me," Andrew growled. With the strands of Kavinsky’s dirty hair threaded through his fingers, he used the grip to pull Kavinsky up, closer, holding him to his chest as he pushed into him from behind. Another sharp laugh caught in Kavinsky’s throat when Andrew bit down on his earlobe, teeth scraping across his neck, not only hard enough to feel, but to sting. "Tell me what you want."

He knew that Kavinsky wanted everything, but he would accept whatever it was Andrew would let him have.

Kavinsky said, "Fucking hell," and then nothing else for a long time. His head fell back onto Andrew's shoulder and Andrew could feel Kavinsky’s lungs expanding in his own chest where they were pressed together. The closest two people could ever be to one. "God, you feel so good. I want you to fuck me so hard I feel it for days."

Andrew closed his eyes and thrust deeper, harder. He wasn't as talkative as Kavinsky but he was far more eloquent and he knew exactly what Kavinsky was trying to say– he wanted Kavinsky to feel this long after they'd both come and gone. He wanted Kavinsky to think of him when it hurt just to sit down, and he wanted Kavinsky to become breathless at the reminder of how full Andrew had made him feel.

"Shit, Andrew," Kavinsky moaned, and Andrew thought that was the full sentence until Kavinsky added, "You're so fucking big. So good. So… fuck."

"Tell me," Andrew repeated and if his pace before had been punishing, it was downright torturous when he slowed. He knew the angle to hit Kavinsky’s prostate just right, the way to wrap his hand around Kavinsky’s leaking cock just how he liked, to put Kavinsky on the very edge of an orgasm without tipping over.

Kavinsky’s eyelids fluttered as he tried his damnedest to stay present, coherent, and he swallowed hard, loose and pliant in Andrew's capable arms. "Andrew," he breathed, maybe the closest to a plea that Joseph Kavinsky would ever come. "Want you to come first. Jesus fuck," he shivered against Andrew, "yes, right there. Need you to fill me up. And then I wanna come with you still inside me, with your fingers in my mouth."

Andrew's hips stuttered. He thought, probably, he could come just from the sound of Kavinsky’s voice painting vivid, lewd fantasies. He wanted to pick Kavinsky apart, play out his wildest dreams, learn him inside and out– if only he could trust Kavinsky the same way Kavinsky trusted him. It was a work in progress.

Someday…

"You wanna hurry it up, Minyard? I'm getting bored." Though Kavinsky’s breathlessness betrayed how much he was enjoying himself, his fingers grasping at the sheets because he knew not to touch Andrew without his permission. 

Andrew thought, probably, he would let him touch, if Kavinsky asked.

"Please," Kavinsky gasped. "Fuck, do not make me beg. Andrew–"

As tempting as it was, to make Kavinsky beg, to see if he would, Andrew didn't have the patience or the stamina tonight, as Kavinsky sighed, "Come for me."

Helplessly, hopelessly, Andrew did.

[happikattwuzheere]

still working on that video....slowly......chipping away.... here’s some more pics!! 

its increasingly looking like im not gonna get this done before the year ends which means its gonna be v clear from the signatures how completely out of order i did this thing loool oh well,