#Katsu 2015

[bonesblubs]

Have you drawn krtsk(kuroo x tsukki) in the past ? Idk why ur fanart looks so familiar to me, love your work !

I will be completely honest with you, I have a genuinely terrible memory! It’s really bad, I’ll forget something mid sentence, or a detail of a point I was making 20 seconds into making it. I know I was into Haikyuu in high school (I’m assuming that’s what we’re talking about), and I know I drew Tsukki at one point, even made a little print of him, BUT I have no memory of drawing kuroo or the two of them together. I don’t think that was a dynamic that interested me? But I have no way of completely writing it off the table 😆

[strawberry-jan]

Back in late 2022, I started working on a long story about Ishin: a tale of two dummies whose weird one-night stand blossoms into a surprisingly caring relationship even as a (mostly) canon-compliant series of tragedies plays out around them. It’s a now-complete series in approximately 125,000 words and three parts, and you can read the whole thing right now on AO3: The Glorious and Bloody Deeds of Okita Soji, Volume 1: Okita Soji Versus the Scoundrel Saito Hajime; The Secret History of Saito Hajime, Volume 2: The Shiraume Incident; and, finally, Brief Notes on the Domestic Life of one Saito Hajime.

Taken as a whole, it's a story about identity and history and the stories that people tell each other and themselves about those things. And it's a story about one guy getting way too into weird Edo-era egg dishes, and another guy finding himself embroiled in an extended detective sequence, and a third guy composing a series of corny haiku that (almost) nobody wants to read. And, of course, it's also a story about people who are shamelessly and sometimes explicitly in love (so you probably shouldn't read it at work).

This whole big, sprawling thing has been a labour of love on my part: it turns out that I adore writing historical fiction and finding excuses to read books and journal articles in order to write it better. In addition to making not one but four little illustrations to celebrate the fic's completion (and please look at them up-close; I hand-inked all those kimono patterns), I've drawn up a list of some of the sources that I consulted for my writing, and you can find those under the cut.

This is not an absolutely exhaustive list of sources; I don’t think it’s super useful to catalogue the extremely nitty-gritty stuff, like that time that I felt compelled to find out what the state of strawberry cultivation was in 1860s Japan, or when I needed to picture exactly what it looked like when Haruka was repairing Ryoma’s kimono. That being said, I’ve added a couple of things that are really particular to my stories but that I thought were cool enough to share.

Foster, Michael Dylan. The Book of Yokai: Mysterious Creatures of Japanese Folklore. U of California P, 2015. (This one was a really fun read – it combines a short history of yokai in folklore with a little catalogue of yokai.)

Jansen, Marius B. Sakamoto Ryoma and the Meiji Restoration. Stanford UP, 1971. (Super useful as an introduction to the Bakumatsu era and for biographical details about Ryoma and the figures around him.)

“Japanese Wiki Corpus.” https://www.japanesewiki.com/. (This is a machine-translated collection of articles on the Japanese side of Wikipedia related to Kyoto. As with a lot of things on Wikipedia, the citations on these articles tend to be poor or nonexistent, but it’s a useful starting point for information on figures and events that don’t have an English wiki equivalent. Definitely more useful if you can then head over to the original wiki articles and parse them out yourself.)

“Kabuki21” and “The Noh.” https://www.kabuki21.com/section.php, https://www.the-noh.com/en/plays/index.html. (I’m lumping these two together because I tended to consult them in tandem. Without getting too much into my personal details I am – among other things – a non-practicing theatre scholar, so whenever I wanted to have characters in my old-timey fics refer to something cultural, my first stop was old plays. These sites have, respectively, summaries of kabuki plays and full texts of Noh plays available for you to browse. If you’ve read my other fics you will probably have seen that I referred to the kabuki play “Fuwa” in 亀が如く.)

Katsu, Kokichi. Musui’s Story: The Autobiography of a Tokugawa Samurai. Translated by Teruko Craig. U of Arizona P, 1988. (A book that needs to be taken with a grain of salt because it’s an autobiography written by a guy who sounds like a real blowhard, but it’s still a really fascinating look into the daily life of a low-ranking samurai.)

Leupp, Gary P. and Tao, De-min. The Tokugawa World. Routledge, 2022. (Of particular interest is Kimura Sachihiko’s essay, “The Shinsengumi: Shadows and light in the last days of the Tokugawa shogunate” [1104-1124], which gave me a bunch of incidental details about the Roshigumi that I incorporated into the sections of this series that were told from Inoue and Hijikata’s perspectives.)

“Old Photos of Japan.” https://www.oldphotosjapan.com/. (Pretty self-explanatory. Very useful as a resource for picturing scenes!)

“Shinsengumi Archives.” https://shinsengumi-archives.tumblr.com/. (A long-running tumblr dedicated to cataloguing resources about the Shinsengumi. There’s an absolute wealth of information collected here, and best of all, the creator cites their sources and even provides links to the original texts. Although it’s focused on the Shinsengumi, it’s impossible to overstate how useful this site is for prospective Bakumatsu-era fic writers in general. The collection of Hijikata’s poems with links to others’ translations and commentary is here: https://shinsengumi-archives.tumblr.com/post/683071924948058112/hijikata-toshizos-haiku-poems. The creator of the blog also links to a translation of Nagakura’s and Shimada’s diaries, and while the document is machine-translated, it’s still a great source of historical details: https://shinsengumi-archives.tumblr.com/post/678083336614428672/where-can-you-read-the-memoirs.)

Smits, Gregory. “Warding off Calamity in Japan: A Comparison of the 1855 Catfish Prints and the 1862 Measles Prints.” EASTM 30 (2009): 9-31. (Okay, this one is highly specific to my fic – it comes up in Part 2 when Okita tells his story about Kashima and again a couple of chapters later when his pile of remedies includes a crudely-drawn picture meant to ward off indigestion – but I love little details like this so I did want to make a point of sharing it here.)

“Tamago Hyakuchin” and “Tofu Hyakuchin.” http://codh.rois.ac.jp/edo-cooking/tamago-hyakuchin/recipe/, https://toyama-tofu.jp/tofuhyakutin.html. (These are collections of Edo-era egg- and tofu-based recipes. They’re two of the sources cited in Cookpad’s collection of modernized Edo-era recipes: https://cookpad.com/recipe/list/14604664.)

Vaporis, Constantine N. “Linking the Realm: The Gokaido Highway Network in Early Modern Japan (1603-1868).” Highways, Byways and Road Systems in the Pre-Modern World. Ed. Susan E. Alcock, John Bodel, and Richard J. A. Talbert. Wiley-Blackwell, 2012. 90-105. (Some of the works cited in this article also sound interesting, but I didn’t have a chance to dig any deeper as I just wanted to know a bit about the Tokugawa-era roads. Also interesting in this vein is Jilly Traganou’s book The Tokaido Road: Travelling and Representation in Edo and Meiji Japan [2004].)

Wert, Michael. Meiji Restoration Losers. Harvard UP, 2013. (Not directly useful as a source for writing about Ishin – it’s about later events and it mostly tracks the posthumous construction of one specific Tokugawa magistrate’s history – but it was an engaging read and I found it interesting as an exploration of how people continue to look back on the Bakumatsu era and the Meiji Restoration, which is something that the game is, of course, also doing.)

Yamakawa, Kikue. Women of the Mito Domain: Recollections of Samurai Family Life. Translated by Kate Wildman Nakai. U of Tokyo P, 1992. (Another one of those bits of essential reading on everyday life for low-ranking samurai, this time with a focus on women’s lives and households more generally. I didn’t use a lot of from this book in my fic, but it has everything from translations of songs to records of families’ financial transactions, and it’s fascinating to read about all the turmoil in Mito playing out in the background of these families’ lives.)

“Yokai.com.” https://yokai.com/. (The creators of this site make a point of not going into detail about their sources, and they’re very careful to state that they don’t intend for the project to be “the final authority” on yokai, but I enjoyed browsing the site to get some ideas for Okita’s stories – and once you know the name of a particular yokai that you’re interested in, it’s easy enough to go look up other sources on them.)

[fundgruber]

Brad Downey 2008

Kidult 2011

Occupy Oakland

Die Verwendung von Feuerlöschern für Proteste gibt es seit ca. 10 Jahren. Feuerlöscher-Graffiti stammt von Gangs in LA, wurde dann von Graffiti-Writern verwendet, wurde um 2007 populärer, vor allem in NY und Paris (Nug, Psy, Toam, Katsu, Kidult, Krink) und dann in Berlin mit Just und Thrill, aber auch Aktionen wie Brad Downey, der 2008 die Berliner Schaufenster von Lacoste grün färbte, dann verbreitete es sich über das Internet, begann bei Protesten wie Occupy Oakland 2011 verwendet zu werden, Studentenprotesten in Italien 2013, Antifa-Markierung faschistischer Modegeschäfte in Berlin ca. 2012, weitere antikapitalistische Proteste in Italien, insbesondere in Mailand, in den folgenden Jahren (wie der No Expo Protest 2015). Seit 2019 wird es in den Klimaprotesten aufgegriffen, von Extinction Rebellion, Just Stop Oil und jetzt der Last Generation/Letzte Generation.

Animierte Collage 2014 in Essay über Feuerlöschergraffiti

"So war einmal zu lesen, dass Cyprien Gaillard am Rande eines Interviews Banksy seine „Verfehlinterpretation von Vandalismus“ vorwarf, wie er das genau gemeint hat bleibt erstmal unklar, aber greifen wird das auf. Banksy hat vor circa zehn Jahren ein großes brutalistisches minimalistisches Betongebäude mit einem Feuerlöscher beschriftet. BORING hat er darauf geschrieben. Eine langweiligere Aktion ist eigentlich kaum vorstellbar. Der Künstler Banksy hat es sicher geschafft, eine ästhetische Geste auszuführen, einem banalen Kommentar eine ähnliche brutale Dimension zu geben wie das brutalistische Gebäude. Doch der Vandale Banksy verfälscht die Aktion dadurch, dass er ein Video davon mit getragener Musik unterlegt, um sich als den kleinen Mann ganz groß zu inszenieren, der mit roter Farbe die große graue Welt symbolisch besiegt. Er knüpft an das verbreitete Missverständnis gegenüber moderner Architektur an, dass sie menschenfeindlich sei, weil sie so ungestaltet sei (auch das Gegenteil ist wahr). Ein bisschen wie in einem Quetschenpaua-Song: „All die Städte sind so grau wie die Menschen die in ihnen wohnen / Und die Stadtdirektoren haben kein Interesse das zu betonen […] Lass uns nie so werden denk ich und ich schreibe / Mit schwarzer Lackfarbe Scheiße an die Scheibe“. Es ist kein Vandalismus, es will populistische Kunst sein. Der Feuerlöscher eignet sich für derartige Symbolik sehr gut, so wie damals als Brad Downey abwaschbare grüne Farbe großflächig ans KaDeWe sprühte, als er eingeladen war, dort ein Schaufenster für Lacoste zu gestalten. Cyprien Gaillard hingegen hat auch mal ein Feuerlöscherkunstwerk gemacht, er zeigte wie aus Bäumen Nebelwolken abgefeuert wurden. Vielleicht ist das – im Feld der Kunst – näher am befreienden Moment des Vandalismus. Ein lustvolles Spiel mit sinnlosen vergänglichen Formen, Wolkenschubsen im Wald. Matias Faldbakken und Anders Nordby entluden auch einfach mal einen Feuerlöscher in einem Ausstellungsraum. Mehr im eigenen Bereich von Graffiti bleibend gab es lustvolle vandalistische Experimente, wie die Nackerten in Wien, die ihre eigenen Körper mittels Feuerlöscherfarbe auf Zügen abbildeten oder 0331C und Krink, die Bilder von Baumkronen und drippende Regenwolken aus Farbe in die Stadt spritzen.

Neuerdings hat auch Katharina Grosse nebenbei politische Kunst gesprüht, als sie die Graffiti, wuchernde Natur und heruntergekommene Gebäude an der Zuglinie zwischen New York und Philadelphia mit Farbe überziehen ließ. Denn nebenbei politisch ist dieses, sicher sehr beeindruckende, Farbspektakel, als Übertünchen von sozialen Konflikten, wie Sarah Kendzior kritisierte, die machtvoll groß angebrachte farbige Kulisse schiebt sich vor die Zustände am Rand und außerhalb der Metropolen."

Nun hat es die Technik endgültig in den Protest geschafft (siehe).

Zum Beispiel Letzte Generation:

Anknüpfend an letztes Jahr schon Stop Oil:

2019 Extinction Rebellion:

2021:

Parar o Gas in Portugal 2023:

Milano 2023:

Neuseeland:

Berlin gegen Nazi-Klamottenläden 2012:

"Palestine Action" in NY 2021:

Burning Pink Party 2021:

2019 Subvertisers Week of Action (screenshot):

2013 Italien Studierendenproteste:

2015 Italien No Expo Proteste in Milano:

[wyrdsistergoldenhair]

Books Read in 2023

Road of Bones by Christopher Golden (2022)

Zombie by Joyce Carol Oates (1995)

Night of the Mannequins by Stephen Graham Jones (2020)

One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovich by Aleksandr Solzhenitsyn (1962)

The Westing Game by Ellen Raskin (1978)

Dr. Mütter's Marvel's: A True Tale of Intrigue and Innovation at the Dawn of Modern Medicine by Cristin O'Keefe Aptowicz (2014)

Devil House: A Novel by John Darnielle (2022)

The Shadows by Alex North (2020)

Lucky Girl: How I Became A Horror Writer: A Krampus Story by M. Rickert (2022)

The Hunger by Alma Katsu (2018)

Bloodchild and Other Stories by Octavia E. Butler (1995)

The Ballad of Black Tom by Victor LaValle (2016)

The Troop by Nick Cutter (2014)

The Deep by Nick Cutter (2015)

What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher (2022)*

Audition by Ryū Murakami (2010)

To Have and Have Not by Ernest Hemingway (1937)

The Hunger Games: The Ballad of Songbirds & Snakes by Suzanne Collins (2020)

The Hunger Games #1: The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins (2008)*

The Hunger Games #2: Catching Fire by Suzanne Collins (2009)*

The Hunger Games #3: Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins (2010)*

The Mist by Stephen King (1980)*

Tender Is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica (2017)

Sour Candy by Kealan Patrick Burke (2015)

The Castle of Otranto by Horace Walpole (1764)

I Have No Mouth & I Must Scream: Stories by Harlan Ellison (1967)

Sphere: A Novel by Michael Crichton (1987)

Heart, Haunt, Havoc by Freydís Moon (2023)

Nimona by N.D. Stevenson (2015)

All the Blood We Share by Camilla Bruce (2022)

Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman*

Skeleton Crew by Stephen King (1985)

Stardust by Neil Gaiman (1997)*

Coraline by Neil Gaiman (2002)*

Babel: Or the Necessity of Violence: An Arcane History of the Oxford Translators' Revolution by R.F. Kuang (2022)

Kill Creek by Scott Thomas (2017)

Simon Snow #1: Carry On by Rainbow Rowell (2015)*

Simon Snow #2: Wayward Son by Rainbow Rowell (2019)*

Simon Snow #3: Any Way the Wind Blows by Rainbow Rowell (2021)*

In Deeper Waters by F.T. Lukens (2021)

Nothing But Blackened Teeth by Cassandra Khaw (2021)*

The Case Against Satan by Ray Russell (1962)

The Victorians: A Very Short Introduction by Martin Hewitt (2023)

Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle (2023)

The Truth Is a Cave in the Black Mountains by Neil Gaiman (2010)

Magic: An Anthology of the Esoteric and Arcane edited by Jonathan Oliver (2012)

[neik-shal]

Yo, I met you on instagram back in 2015, and then I introduced you to some of my friends at the time, and then they ended up making some hate pages and shit about me for no reason, and you seemed to have left the group to get away from all the drama. I was wondering if you remember that at all? We lived in the same state and met up a few times in person. We also met up at KatsuCon. Do you still cosplay? I don’t and haven’t for years lmao.

Hey! Oof, those days. I remember stuff like that happening all the time in a general sense, the community was very toxic and I wanted to separate myself from a lot of people, if not everyone. but I don’t remember being a part of any groups that made hate pages about someone :( Sorry that happened to you OP, if I was in that group, I’m glad I left. I’ve also never been to Katsu, only Otakon. But no, I don’t cosplay anymore. It was a pricey interest and I’m a college student now lol

[chrysocomae]

Day of the Red Gourd by Katsu Nakajima (2015)

[chikaraspecial]

Those 3 Golden Medallions...

[ladycels]

Time for a real past-Katsucon dive, this time back to 2015! I wanna say this was probably my first Katsucon I'd ever attended (Though my memory is a bit fuzzy for years). It was certainly the first one I decided to do a big build for!

Lapras was certainly an ambitious build, and I did a lot of creative drafting work in it's creation. Everything from the braided and quilted shell to the fabric sculpting on the bodice really pushed me to get creative.

And of course, all the hand painted details. This was my first big painted costume with hundreds of hours spent ombre dyeing fabric and painstakingly hand painting all of the floral patterns onto the sleeves and gown. I'm just sad that I got only this one photo of me in it :(

(Reminder if you want to learn more about fabric painting, I'm running a workshop for it this year at Katsu! :) ) Lapras Gijinka by @generalcowslip Photography by Cantera Image

[nowhereelsetopost]

Underrated Fictional Cats

(In no particular order)

1. Black Cat from Pumpkin Moon (2005) 2. Katsu from Gorillaz 3. Jelly Beans from ApocalyptiGirl (by Andrew MacLean, 2015) 4. Lucky The Ninja Cat from the Tokyo Olympics Google Doodle 5. Pangur Ban from The Secret of Kells (2010) 6. Mio & Mao from Mio & Mao 7. Pilchard’s Kittens from Bob The Builder 8. Cat & Kitten from Barbie Zoom & Groom 9. Mayor Whiskers from Sims 4: Cats and Dogs 10. Mr Fluffypants from Phineas and Ferb

[aconissa]

ana, do you have recs for historical genre pieces? :)

I’m so glad you asked Keaton because I absolutely do!! (* for my faves)

Books:

From the Wreck* by Jane Rawson – a Lovecraftian/Carpenter-ish sci-fi in which an alien haunts a shipwreck survivor in 19th century Australia 

The Daylight Gate* by Jeanette Winterson – a horror/fantasy take on the Pendle Witch Trials of 1612

The Mermaid and Mrs Hancock by Imogen Hermes Gowar – magic realism and mermaid mythology wrapped up in a late 18th century comedy of manners

Dark Matter* by Michelle Paver – a ghost story set in Svalbard during an arctic expedition in the 1930s

Thin Air by Michelle Paver – a ghost story set during a Himalayan climbing expedition in the 1930s

The Hunger* by Alma Katsu – a horror take on the notorious Donner Party who got trapped in the Sierra Nevada in the 1840s

The Deep by Alma Katsu – ghosts haunt a survivor of the Titanic disaster and the sinking of her sister ship the Britannic

The Silent Companions* by Laura Purcell – a recent take on the classic 19th century haunted house story

The Owl Killers* by Karen Maitland – a medieval mystery novel set in 1321 with fantasy horror elements (with a brilliant set of mostly female characters but warning for a rape scene near the start)

Company of Liars* by Karen Maitland – another great medieval mystery and escape story set during the Black Death

The Terror by Dan Simmons – the Franklin Expedition if it wasn’t just stuck in the Arctic but was also hunted down by a monstrous creature (the tv series is a vast improvement on the book’s many flaws but it’s still one of the scariest novels I’ve ever read)

A Skinful of Shadows by Frances Hardinge – a ghostly fantasy story set during the English Civil Wars in the 17th century

The Fatal Tree by Jake Arnott – a crime/mystery/heist story set in 1720s London 

Films:

Ravenous* (1999) – a quirky Western/comedy/horror film set in a fort in 1840s California, drawing on elements of the Donner Party

Apostle* (2018) – a folk horror story of a strange cult set on a remote Welsh island in 1912

The Awakening* (2011) – a horror mystery in which a hoax exposer goes to a (possibly) haunted boarding school in 1921

Marrowbone* (2017) – psychological horror film following a family of young siblings in the late 1960s

The Others (2001) – a gothic horror haunting set on the island of Jersey immediately after WWII

The Wolfman* (2010) – a lush Victorian adaptation of the iconic 1941 werewolf horror film 

The Witch* (2015) – a horror story set amongst Puritan settlers in New England in the 17th century

Cold Skin (2017) – an eerie sci-fi/horror film following a meteorologist and lighthouse keeper on a remote South Atlantic island in 1914

The Lighthouse (2019) – a psychological horror film set on an isolated island in the late 19th century

Crimson Peak* (2015) – Guillermo del Toro’s take on a gothic horror/romance, set in America and England in 1901

Haunted (1995) – a cynical parapsychologist travels to a house in 1928 to investigate the strange happenings there

Brotherhood of the Wolf (2001) – a sci-fi/horror take on the Beast of Gévaudan killings in 18th century France

Ginger Snaps Back: The Beginning* (2004) – an origin story/prequel to the iconic teen werewolf movie Ginger Snaps (2000), set in a trading fort in 19th century Canada

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans (2009) – an action horror prequel to the Underworld films set in medieval Europe, exploring the origins of the vampire/werewolf war

TV series:

The Living and the Dead* (2016) – a paranormal folk horror miniseries set on a farming estate in late 19th century Somerset

The Terror* (2018) – a (superior) adaptation of the Dan Simmons novel, exploring a horror version of the Franklin Expedition

The Terror: Infamy (2019) – the second season of this horror anthology series; set in a Japanese Internment Camp in the US in WWII

Penny Dreadful* (2014-2016) – a horror series including elements of the classic gothic horror novels (Frankenstein, Dracula, The Picture of Dorian Gray, The Strange Case of Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde, etc)

[soft-angelic-kiss]

We’re all a little bit crazy (6)

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

therapsit! Izuku x Patient! Bakugou x Patient! Todoroki x Patient! Shinsou x Patient! Reader

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Chapter 6 trigger warnings- mentions of Tourette's (i don't think that’s an ACTUAL trigger but it couldn’t be hurt to mention) mentions of self harm (thinking they're indestructible.) And mentions of counting/taking pills + medications. 

I’m gonna need you guys to bare with me! I really don’t know what a mental hospital is like and so i tried my best with the information a friend gave me :) 

«────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5             «────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

Walking through the dining hall, Izuku kept his head up and tried to remain tall and strong to the other patients when he heard a squeal and watched the tuff of h/c go up into the air. Immediately Izuku was on a high alert. As he sped up his pace the same as Bakugou, who immediately started yelling

“Gah dammit shitty hair! I don’t you to stay-”

The blonde's voice was easily cut off through the laughter of a red head, and another blonde. 

“Oh chill it Baku-” the blonde's head threw itself backwards as the end of his sentence  “gOU-” escaped his lips. The red head was immediately making sure he was okay, even with Y/N in his arms. Rubbing his neck and asking about cramps

Izuku smiled softly and watched them all interact, being able to tell that they were all best friends. He hummed as Y/N bounced her way over to him and hung on his arm with a smile “YOU CAME” they yelled in excitement making everyone smile softly. 

The red head was the first to make a move as he smiled to the greenette “Hey! I’m Ejirou Kirishima!” he smiled as he pounded his fist together mushing together already forming scars, and bruises against his knuckles. 

It caused Izuku to check out all of his other scars that littered his body, his hands and arms mostly, Y/N must’ve seen him looking Kirishima over and hummed softly whispering into his ear “he thinks he’s indestructible..” Izuku nodded in understanding

“I’m D-” his sentence once again was cut short by a scrunching of his shoulders and a yell of “ENK” before he returned to his previous stance and said “Denki Kaminari!” he smiled softly and waved. Izuku waved back, he decided he would look at their files later after he laid Y/N down for bed. 

“What’s dinner today?” Y/N looked to their friends as they ushered Izuku to the table that they sat at, the setting arrangement a little squishier than normal due to the extra body that was added, On one side Kirishima, Denki, and Shinsou sat together and on the other side sat Izuku, Y/N, Todoroki and Bakugou. 

Bakuou was the first to respond “they have beef stroganoff… and steamed carrots...” Y/N pouted and nodded “I’m not surprised Katsu..” 

The group let out a little disappointed groan collectively. The cafeteria wasn’t the MOST delightful place to have their dinner, but they didn’t have the choice, especially on beef stroganoff night. 

Izuku thought their food opinions were interesting as he let them all engage in conversation quietly observing each of them with a smile. They all looked so happy and content when they were together. 

Bakugou's attitude was calm, Shinsou was engaging in conversation. Shoto was speaking more than Izuku thought was possible for him, Denki’s tics, at least that’s what Izuku had deemed them to be, had calmed down and Kirishima wasn’t hitting anything at all. 

Each of them were so content with each other, he wondered why they were kept apart. Y/N finished her food and each of the boys told her that they were proud of her. Which made bright blushes rise across her whole body with a smile. 

Eventually their dishes were taken from them and they were all sent down to the nurses station for their nightly meds before they would be sent upstairs for the night, Izuku followed after the group seeing as they were ready for the nightly meds.

Checking the time and seeing it was 9:00 pm on the dot, he waited patiently for them to receive their meds and come back. He quietly heard the mutter from Y/N as they counted which meds were there, “..seroquel and gabitril.. For sleep.. And Abilify for depression.`` They took their meds and smiled at Izuku, motioning him to follow them as they bounded up the stairs.

Izuku hummed softly following them back up the stairs placing his clipboard on a bedside table as he watched them get ready for bed as he smiled softly, when Y/N finally laid down humming into their mountain of pillows, all doctors approved.

“Good night… thank you for hanging out with me..” Izuku smiled as your voice echoed quietly in the small room causing his heart to flutter with how soft and sleepy you sounded. 

“Of course. I hope you sleep well Y/N” he hummed softly as he exited the room hearing your snores. Shortly after his words slipped past his lips, he exited and saw all the other boys' doors were closed. Figuring they were asleep too. He headed down to the staff room to put away his clipboard when he remembered that he wanted to check on Kirishima’s and Kaminaris files. 

He slowly searched through the last names, conveniently the two names were placed right together making sure that he wouldn’t forget about the other. With a soft hum he pulled out Kirishima’s file first. 

   F I L E   26

(Patient Name) Ejirou Kirishima  (Patient #785)

 (Date admitted) 10-25-2015

 (Patient age) 22

 (Patient disorder) Psychosis, Congenital insensitivity to pain. 

(History/cause)  Patient has seemed to believe that he is indestructible. He walks into walls and punches glass things, often resulting in scars and bleeding around his body, his mother has stated that he’s done this since he was little but always assumed he would grow out of it. He never did.

(Has patient...)

-attempted suicide? 

-attempted homicide?

-attempted any act of self-harm? 

-attempted violence on past employees?

-attempted escape?

 (Other). He’s very affectionate to those around him but often tries to prove his manliness to those around him. He always smashes his fists together declaring the manliness/womanlyness of those around him. 

(Danger level) 7/10

Izuku let out a breath as he quietly looked at the file over one more time before placing it back. He felt sorry for the red head but it explained the scar littered on his body. It also explained why he was calling everything manly.

 F I L E   27

(Patient Name) Denki Kaminari  (Patient #786)

 (Date admitted) 4-20-12

 (Patient age) 21

 (Patient disorder) Tourette Syndrome, depression, anxiety

(History/cause)  Patient was diagnosed with Tourettes around 6 years old, but his parents have said he’s always displayed symptoms of it even from toddler age. He stuck his finger in an electrical socket when he was 7 and it caused the scars going up his arms. 

(Has patient...)

-attempted suicide? 

-attempted homicide?

-attempted any act of self-harm? 

-attempted violence on past employees?

-attempted escape?

 (Other). He’s very cheeking, loves telling jokes and is relativity an easy going guy, he rarely has attacks but when he does i advise all employees to watch out because he gets urges to touch electricity, and mess with electrical setups 

(Danger level) 5/10

Izuku carefully placed the file back into the cabinet as he let out a breath. No wonder they all saw something in each other. They all had such similar stories, even if they weren’t exactly the same they all found solace in each other.

Y/N was missing a mother, father and brother figure in her life, which is why she pursued a relationship with Todoroki, Bakugou and Kirishima. Who all gave off the vibes that the poor younger needed to thrive. 

Todoroki was missing his sister and brother, which is why he connected so well with Denki and Y/N, they both held similar qualities to the two he had lost.. 

 Bakugou needed stable, but fun people to help him realize what a calm world this really was.. And that’s why he bonded with Todoroki, Shinsou. Kirishima, Denki and Y/N. They were all as equally calm as they were cheeky, meaning they could help Bakugou with whatever problem was needed. 

Shinsou was missing his parents and his little baby sister, so while he still had the parents to bond with during visiting hours. He treated each of these people as if they were a little sibling to him.

Kaminari finally felt accepted because none of them batted an eye when his tics happened, and it made him feel like he finally had a family, and he was finally happy.. 

Kirishima felt protected. While he enjoyed feeling power and being manly.. Sometimes it was nice to feel protected. None of them ever questioned how manly he was.. So he felt at peace 

Nothing could separate them. Nothing at all, Izuku was sure of it. He placed everything back before he finally headed back up to his own room. Finishing his nightly routine as he thought of the group he’d met today as he started falling into dream land. «────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────» @buckyneedsplums @lazywriterfullofideas09 @notchittatenn @psycho-101  @toodarktoseethelight @unlogical-ella  if you’re crossed out that’s because it wouldn’t let me tag you :( «────── « ⋅ʚ♡ɞ⋅ » ──────»

a/n: HI GUESS WHO’S BACK FROM THE DEAD!! In a moment of clarity i finally decided to work on this chapter. It’s been hard for me but you know i finally did it! Like i stated earlier I've never been to a mental hospital so i don’t know what it’s like in there. I tried my best using the information  friend had given me. Thank you guys for sticking with the story for as long as you have! 

[4me4you]

4me4you visits Omni Gallery which featured the artist KATSU - "MECHA".

Channelling the mischievous, anarchic spirit of Dadaists from the turn of the 20th Century, Japanese American artist KATSU (b.1982) began as a graffiti writer in the streets of New York in the early 2000s and has been developing his artistic output ever since.

Through the use of drone technology, video, sculpture, and public intervention, KATSU explores the omnipresence of digital culture, privacy and the pervasive anxiety around technology and its potential for use and misuse.

Mecha presents a suite of paintings made using drone technology which the artist has developed and honed for the past decade.

Channelling this technology, through custom-built painting drones and specialised software, the artist programs drones to create portraits, landscapes, and abstract dot paintings.

Presented as distinctive series’, each of the works have been created by deploying autonomous and semi-autonomous painting drones to render directly on the canvas. The final outcome is not exclusively made by the artist, but instead occurs in collaboration between human and machine - mechas.

These brightly coloured, playful paintings belie a more serious undercurrent. The human experience of mark making has been outsourced via technology to the machine, bringing the idea of authorship and validation into question. Rather than improving quality of life, it can be argued, technology has stripped away humanistic values like freedom, community, and progress by negating the very idea of the individual.

In 2015 KATSU mischievously exploited his newly developed drone technology in one of the first ever acts of large-scale public drone vandalism. Taking less than a minute to complete, the drone spray painted red lines across the face of model Kendall Jenner as she stood six stories tall on one of New York City’s most renowned billboard locations. This small, playful gesture marks a dawning for graffiti artists and vandals, shifting the potential for street writing into a whole new, and for the authorities, terrifying wave of unstoppable possibilities. KATSU’s drone paintings, both on small and monumental scales, interrogate progress at all costs and the onslaught of exploitative uses for these flying vehicles.

Mecha, presents KATSU’s pioneering technology via playful, expertly rendered paintings which serve to explore the conundrum of progress versus imprudent ambition. The exhibition questions where and how technology is allowed to terminally invade our lives.

[daavydaave]

KATSU

Facial Recognition Cops Did Not Notice, 2015

[fundgruber]

The use of fire extinguishers for protests goes back ca. 10 years. Fire extinguisher graffiti comes from gangs in LA, then was used by graffiti writers, popularized around 2007, mostly in NY and Paris (Nug, Psy, Toam, Katsu, Kidult, Krink) and then in Berlin with Just and Thrill, but also actions like Brad Downey making the Berlin windows of Lacoste green in 2008, then it spread through the internet, started to be used in protests like Occupy Oakland 2011, Student Protests in Italy 2013, antifa marking fascist fashion stores in Berlin ca. 2012, further anticapitalist protests in Italy, particularly in Milano, in the following years (like the No Expo protest 2015). Since 2019 it is picked up in the climate protests, by Extinction Rebellion, Just Stop Oil and now the Last Generation/Letzte Generation.

[fiction-in-my-blood]

Switching Sides: Part 15 (HLITF)

if anyone possibly wants to get on a tag list I’d be happy to make one

👉@theshove  ​👈

👉@kamyru 👈

If you wanna catch up, Part 14 is right here! Happy reading :)

And I just want to thank everyone that’s been consistently reading this fic, I know it’s a slow burn but I think it’ll be worth it :D

Premise: Growing up in a life of crime in a Japanese mafia, Atsuko Motomori has seen enough injustice to last her a lifetime. To try and give back to the universe her family has taken so much from, she dreams of being a detective from a young age. Her twin, sharing her disgust for her father and many uncles, just wants an ordinary life away from the crime, paing and suffering. Instead, she wants to be in the spotlight with the soft notes she makes with her cello. In their escape of 2015, on their coming of age birthday, they must split ways, never to be together ever again. If one was found, they didn’t want the other dragged down with them. Atsuko, having changed her name and appearance as best she can without a scalpel, sets off to start her life of car chases and arrests.

Four years in a seemingly dead-end police station in the middle of nowhere, being passed over time after time for promotion, Atsuko finally gets a shot at her dream, having been sent to an academy for the best candidates in the country by her boss who had always kept an eye out for her. After discovering her boss may have made her bite off more than she could chew, Atsuko must become the slave of a dominating instructor!? Who so just happens to be the captain of the most famous police unit in Japan? Not to mention a total knockout! Will Atsuko finally achieve her dream? Or will her new instructor put her through the wringer?

Warnings: Language, Reference to sexual activity, Forceful nature, Abuse, Kidnapping, Torture.

~~~~~~

Early the next morning, I dressed in my loungewear to go to Juna's apartment. She had an outfit of her's waiting for me; I didn't own anything pink like the dress code she wanted. Grabbing a quick bite from the canteen and a coffee, as I have now remembered the difference between tea, I get the train to her apartment.

"Katsumi! You're here!" Juna bounced towards me, or as best she could under the weight of her almost grown baby, and stole the cake box I was balancing in one hand, holding my bag to my side with the other.

"Sorry I'm late, the metro was hectic." I sighed, kicking off my shoes as she shuffled back to the kitchen counter. There, I saw Kanto hurriedly putting up bunting. When he saw me, he directed his gaze to the space under the stairs where a set of drawers sat. Curiously, I stepped towards it, opening the top draw while Juna was distracted and found the ring I wanted. Pulling it out, I slipped it into a pocket in my bag.

"Your dress is in the bathroom if you wanna change!" Juna called over her shoulder as she pulled a box of strawberries out of the fridge, planning to chop them up.

"Sure thing!" I called back, knowing my way around the apartment since I lived here for months.

The dress in question was somewhat short and pastel pink. There was an upside-down triangle cut out of the back, the top half was tight and anything below the top of my hips was flowing. It was surprisingly comfortable, even if I felt like walking cotton candy.

"Told ya you'd like it!" Juna squealed in joy when she saw me emerge with a light blush on my face.

"It's not horrific." I pouted and went to help decorate the small balcony outside to escape her complimentary pestering.

~~~~~~

Once the arrival time for the party came around, more and more people started showing up. I didn't even think to ask my sister how many people were coming, but I sure as hell didn't think it would be this many people. There were so many, I was getting a little warm and the number of times I had to dart out of the way, getting my earring caught in my hair in the mad rush, I decided to put it up. I was bestowed with the job of answering the door so, when it rang again, I jumped up with a sigh. Because I was so used to seeing faces I didn't know, having everyone comment on how alike my twin and I looked, I was shocked when all the instructors showed up on the other side.

"In-Instructors, you made it?" I blushed when I saw them all in their casual clothes, instantly anxious when I remembered the outfit I was wearing. They all obeyed Juna's wish of them wearing pink or blue, all of varying degrees of severity, except for one. Can you guess who it was?

"Com... Come in. You can leave your shoes here." When I realised I had been staring, I jumped out the way to let them in. ‘God, Katsumi. Keep your cool!’ I internally screamed as I watched them filter in. Then, I directed them to the food when Juna finally approached us.

"Detectives, I'm so glad you could make it! I hope you enjoy yourselves. There's beer in the fridge, so have at it. There's plenty to go around!" Seemingly much more used to the instructors than I am, or she's just more sociable, Juna had a bright smile on her face. "Detective Kaga, you're not wearing blue." She frowned at the one person in the room not giving in her wishes.

"Juna, please." I begged her not to embarrass me as Kaga 'tsk'ed to himself. Then, he extended his hand to her, which held a paper bag. She took it and looked in to find a gift.

"Kaga, this is so cute! Look at it, Katsu." She squealed at the small bear with beady black eyes. It was kinda adorable and I blushed at the fact my sternly faced mentor had gifted it. The tag still attached to it said it was a nanny cam. My embarrassed and confused gaze fell to him and he sneered.

"My niece liked it." 

‘Is he... pouting?’ It was almost too strange to tell with the faint blush on his face. ‘Is he already drunk? Wait! He has a niece?’ My blush deepened as I imagine how Kaga might act with a child to know her so much to know her favourite toy.

“Did none of your friends come?” Soma interjected my thoughts from beside me, seeing as Juna had gone to Kanto in the kitchen. I almost jumped out of my skin, but only because I was scared he could read my mind.

“Oh, no. No they… They were busy.” I quickly made up a pathetic lie, not wanting to throw Naruko under the for being afraid of the instructors. “Anyway, can I get you guys any drinks? Like Juna said, we’ve got beer, soda, water?” I listed off a few options so I could just escape this cluster of men, and even more people started to swarm us at their appearance.

“How does Juna know such good looking, young men?” A very forward older woman instantly clutched Instructor Goto’s arm, either drunk or that was just her rich nature. I instantly started panicking again. 

“U-Um, Miss, they’re my bosses. Please… Please let go of him.” I was frantic as the instructor looked increasingly uncomfortable because of her flirtations. Almost everyone here was Juna’s work friends or spouses of, so they were all high standing members of society, not anyone I ever expected to mingle with.

When the woman just wouldn’t let go of him, I decided it was time to amp it up a gear. “Actually, I think your husband was talking to the composer’s daughter by the bathroom.” I gestured to an older man and a girl around my age talking up a storm on the other side of the spacious room, and the woman almost simultaneously stormed over. 

After profusely apologising to Goto for what he already had to go through after just arriving, with the instructors still around us, Shinonone expressed how shocked he was that I could diffuse the situation somewhat quickly. 

“I used to work in a club downtown. It was part of my job to get a feel for relationships in the room. O-Of course, you saw me working.” I was almost sweating with how nervous I was, remembering how rude I was to the instructor when he didn’t even know it was me at the time. Ayumu smirked at the memory of the interaction, and probably what I was wearing then too. 

Luckily, Juna called me away to help her with something before I could be teased further.

~~~~~~

Later on in the party, I felt the need to step outside and take a breather, so I headed to the balcony and was surprised to find no one there. It was spring, the weather; surprisingly warm, and the flowers Kanto had been growing for Juna were in full bloom.

With my elbows resting on the railing, I suddenly realised what Kaga being here means. "I passed." I gasped, my heart filling with pride and doing a little dance to try and expel my joy. A rush of relief flooded over me and I don't think I've been happier than that moment. Not just relieved, but happy.

"It's been a while since I've seen that dance." A man's voice spoke up behind me and I turned in curiosity. For a moment, I truly believed it was one of my captors, but my vision quickly corrected it to Noburu. My heart raced as I saw him standing in the doorway, eyes wide. I hadn't seen him in a month. I was never told of him visiting. I was a little angry, he hadn't even texted me. But, above all else, I was scared. He sent alarm bells ringing in my head as if he really was the captor that fed me. That stood by and watched as I deteriorated into a heap of weeping bruises.

"No...Noburu. What are you doing here?" I panicked, stepping back and finding the railing block me from going over the edge. In an instant he was in front of me, holding my face as tears grew in my eyes.

"I missed you so much. I went to visit but you freaked out. I was so worried." His face was so close all I could see was him as he held my cheeks, his fingers extending into my hair, which I had let down again. I struggled, the image of that man seared in my brain.

When he saw me trying to get away, he crashed his lips on mine, taking my breath and any words I wanted to say to reject him. I tried to tug on the hands that kept me in place, but he wouldn't let go. His grip was vice-like. When he parted his lips to breath, I was able to whimper out "stop".

After I said that, he went to kiss me again, but he was pulled off me by someone yanking on his collar. There, holding the bewildered Noburu, was Kaga, rage painting his face. Embarrassed and afraid, I covered my mouth to hide my tears and sobs, darting by them, careful not to fall in my short heels as my legs shook.

~~~~~~

Bored out of my mind with all the aristocratic assholes Katsumi's sister was friends with, I decided to find the servant I found so fun to tease. My gaze flew around the room to find women surrounding most of the men from the PSD, except Goto who looked as bored as I was. Then, my gaze found the glass balcony doors and the woman I'm looking for. She was talking to a man, someone who looked dishevelled and not belonging to this group of people. Then, I noticed the tremble in her lip and her wide, astonished eyes watering out of... fear? I decided to head over and check if everything was alright.

When I opened the door, the man pounced on Katsumi, holding her face as he kissed her. A feeling in my stomach lit up my jealousy and anger as I watched them, but Katsumi seemed to be responding. I couldn't really tell when his hands were covering most of her face and his body was covering the rest of her.

As I turned to leave, I heard a low, high-pitched sound.

"Stop."

I spun around in a second, storming forward and gripping the back of the man's collar before yanking him off, possibly choking him in the process. I glared at him before checking to see if Katsumi was okay. Tears were falling down her face and the lipgloss she had on was smudged. Her hair was a mess and her knees were cowering a little. When she noticed what happened, her hand flew to her face and she ran back inside.

"Dude, what the hell?" The man who assaulted her frowned and my enraged glare returned to him. That was when I noticed it was the guy Katsumi used to work with at that club. I remembered watching her bend over the bar to talk to him, noticing how high her dress rode up her thighs, just shy of flashing everyone there. I growedl, remembering how much trust she must have had to talk to him the way Ayumu said she did.

"Get out or I concave your face." I threatened, dropping his collar. He was angry at first but when he saw how likely it was for me to do it, he ran to the front door.

~~~~~~

Stepping out of the bathroom, having cleaned myself up and calmed myself down enough to stop crying, I got to work; cleaning up the bottles and cans surrounding the room- mainly to distract myself. The party was still in full swing and I didn't want to ruin my sister's special moment. I could suck it up for now. All I wanted was for Noburu to be gone.

"Hey, idiot." A quiet voice erupted from behind me as I grabbed a few glass bottles from the counter in the kitchen, which was pretty vacant. I quickly recognised it at Kaga.

"I don't want to talk about it," I grumbled, not caring who he was in that moment.

"I kicked him out." He announced. 

‘At least that's a relief.’ I sighed, feeling my tears return as I remembered how he had touched me. I trusted him. If he knew I had a breakdown the last time I had seen him, why would he still do that?

"Okay. I still don't want to talk about it." I complained, moving back and forth from the bin and the sink with trash and dishes to clean up later.

"Katsumi," Kaga said, but I ignored him, no matter how much him saying my name made my heart flutter. "Hey, moron." He grabbed my wrist as I dropped a few wooden skewers into the trash and spun me to see him.

"I'm not going to talk about it because I’ll cry. I'm not going to cry at my sister's baby shower." I gritted my teeth, returning his stern glare to try and make myself feel tougher.

"Why are you crying then?" He smirked and I sneered, noticing the wet drop roll down my cheek. I rushed to catch it with my unclaimed hand.

"He looks like one of them. Or he reminds me, anyway." I pouted, looking away from my instructor as he continued to hold my wrist. I'm sure he could feel my pulse race as my fear returned, mixed with the excitement of how close he was. I struggled to control my emotions when his grip tightened. I wasn’t intimidated. It was almost comforting, encouraging me to spill my guts right there in my sister's kitchen.

Suddenly, I was pulled towards him and enveloped in warmth and his scent. Slightly smokey, although whatever cologne he used did a good job of covering it up. I tried to look up from the chest I was being pushed against, but his hand settling on my head forced my gaze forward. My heart was pumping blood to my cheeks at an alarming rate and it was so loud I couldn't hear his. The pent up frustration I felt towards Noburu broke free from the weak dams I put up and my tears fell fast. My fist clenched on Kaga’s chest, angry that I had let someone I hardly knew so close. Before, I would have never gone out 'dates' with someone I enjoyed the company of- although I didn't really think of them in that way. I would have closed myself in my home, trying to keep to myself, not wanting to grow connections in case my father found me and I would have to leave everyone I had grown to love. It made it harder to justify how much safer I and those people would be if I left. I was mad at myself for letting go.

Suddenly, someone cleared their throat in the doorway of the kitchen. I darted back, making sure to turn my back to wipe my eyes before turning back to cleaning, pretending like nothing had happened. "Juna wants to cut the cake." It was Ayumu who spoke up, walking over to the fridge, between me and Kaga. Too afraid to talk in case my voice wavered, I nodded and walked out the room, heading to the table everyone was surrounding.

~~~~~~

The party pretty much drew to a close after the gender reveal. It's a girl, but no one's surprised. Juna had been going on about it for weeks. Even before they could tell what the gender was. 

"I'm gonna have a little Katsu of my own!" Juna cried with joy as she sat in front of the pile of gifts in front of her.

"At least give her a similar name. It'll be confusing if you give her the same as mine." I complained, picking up the wrapping paper she threw around the room. Thanks to my silent moment with Kaga, I was able to calm down enough to act normal for the rest of the party. All the instructors had gone home and it was just us and Kanto.

"Hey, are you okay?" Kanto asked as I walked into the kitchen with a trash bag  in hand. He was cleaning the dishes while Juna enjoyed herself to her heart's content. I nodded, hoping I wasn't giving any signals that said otherwise.

"Well... I, um... I saw Noburu earlier." His voice was low, scared that if he told me he'd set me off again. I froze mid-way picking up the trash and recovered as quickly as possible.

"Yeah, he... He kissed me." My own voice was also low, afraid that if I said it aloud it would cement the end of our friendship. Kanto spun around to look at me and I tried to stop frowning. "It's fine... Kaga got him off me before I could spiral." I bit my lip, continuing my cleaning to distract myself.

"I'm sorry." Is all I hear Kanto mumble as I escape the room.

~~~~~~

That night, I returned to the dorm but found that I didn't want to sleep yet. My mind was racing, the ring my mother left for us in my fingertips as I sat on my couch. I looked for an engraving in the inside of the band. Nothing. The clear crystal, which I'm sure was a diamond; too small for me to tell if there was anything odd going on. There were several smaller ones dotted around it.

"Could it be to do with the make? Well, it's not like I can tell." I sighed. I hardly wore jewellery anyway. I was hopeless trying to find clues. "Maybe the detectives on the case discovered something?" I got up and made my way to one of the common rooms to use a computer.

It was the dead of night, so silent I thought I might have gone deaf. Luckily, the hallway lights were always on. Pulling out a chair, I brought the file up before I even sit down. The notes say that they found wording embedded in the jewels. Nano-sized. But they couldn't make any sense of it.

"Juno charges towards Juna, aiming for Katsu."

‘Well, that's not cryptic all.’ I sighed, slightly stunned to find both my and my sister's names. I decided my best bet would be to look up the meaning behind our names. 

‘As a boy's name, Katsu means victory. Juna means woods and south. Could there be a battle in the woods or something?’ I frowned my brows, feeling wildly out of my depths and kind of silly for looking such things up on a school computer. Looking up the address of the murder, I looked at Google Maps because I knew I wouldn't be able to travel anywhere anytime soon. I dragged the picture south as far as I could, but nothing caught my eye. 

The woman murdered, my mother's friend, it seemed, was found in a lake just outside Tokyo. Surrounded by woods.

"Oh?" I gasped when I s awthat there were cabins for sale in those same woods. They had been around for years, it seemed, and a community had been made there. With a small supermarket and diners, it looked like a 20 person village.

"Could she..?" I led off, wondering if my mother could have moved there to hide. "No, she'd be too close." But the fact irked me in a way that I wanted to check. There was a link to the real estate agents website. There, I found a phone number. Without thinking much, I called it, not considering how late after office hours it was.

"Thank you for calling Juna Estate Agents. We are always happy to answer your questions, but you've caught us after office hours. We open at 8 am every day, so please don't hesitate to ca-!" I hang up before the woman's voice on the voicemail can finish.

‘I shouldn't be doing this.’ I think. I know. I shouldn't be tempting myself with the idea. It would only get my hopes up and I'd only come crashing down when I exhausted all the leads I might find. 

"She's dead." I reminded myself, pushing my father's questions to the back of my head, and turned off the computer.

~~~~~~~~~~

Monday came around and I was particularly exhausted. The last two nights had been the worst I had had in a while and I almost fell asleep cutting my own hair. 

Heading to the cafeteria, notebook in hand, looking down at the floor, I was almost sleepwalking. Thankfully, I was pulled out of my dream-like state by a certain excitable morning person.

"Katsumi, you look so cute!" Naruko squealed upon seeing my now short hair. It was cut just shy of my shoulder, hugging the ear I pulled it behind. My hair was still white, too scared to dye it again in case I messed something up. Juna was always the one that did it for me and I didn't want to bother her.

"Thanks. It's easier to maintain this way." I laughed uneasily, hiding the true reason I prefered it short. My 'uncles' liked pulling on my hair. It’s hard to grab when it's like this. With a skip in her step, Naruko pulled me into the cafeteria.

"What's got you in a good mood?" I asked as we sat down, putting my heavy eyelids to the back of my mind.

"Chiba bought me a gift just because. It was so cute." She squealed, holding her cheeks as if her smile hurt. I cocked my head.

"Why’s he buying you gifts?" I asked before taking a spoonful of cereal.

"Oh shit, I didn't tell you?" She gasped and I shook my head, still chewing. "We're dating."

Instantly, I started choking at the gasp of air I took in when she told me. She asked me if I was okay and I put up a singular finger to tell her I'd just need a minute to recover.

"Si-Since when?" Taking the napkin she held out for me, I quickly wiped the milk covering the sides of my lips. I tried to ignore the fascinated stares of the male population around us.

"Hmm, a couple of months, I think? You'd have to ask him, he's the one that keeps track of it all." She waved of her unbothered-ness and continued eating as if I hadn't almost just died. "That reminds me, how was the party?"

Blushing, I tried to push the memory of Kaga holding me to the side as I reported how utterly bored I was for the rest of the event. "Her friends are all musicians, so they were mainly talking about their next concerts. Someone asked Juna if she was returning to the orchestra and she started balling." I forced a chuckle, really feeling sorry for my sister who couldn't accomplish the dream she wanted. She would have to settle to play for us and her daughter when she's old enough to play herself. I was sure Juna would push the joys of playing an instrument on her, or any future children she intended on having.

"What about the instructors?" Her wiggling eyebrows were enough to tell me she thought something kinky happened. I blushed but said I didn't notice because I was so busy. "You sure?" She dragged out her question, sliding into the seat next to mine, peering into my face. I stuffed my mouth with the rest of my cereal and jumped up, pointing to the door like I was  in a rush to get to class. "You can't hide from me, Katsumi! I'm trained for this!"

~~~~~~

At the end of the day, I was sitting in the Instructor's Staff Room as usual, but couldn’t concentrate on my work. In the silence, my mind kept trailing to that clue my mother supposedly left for me. ‘Should I go looking for her? What if I end up leading someone to her? Could she be alive?’

As I thought, I didn't notice Kaga talking. Suddenly, I feel a blow on the back of my head and I jumped. "What're you spacing out for?" He glared down at me and I blushed an apology. When I tried to go back to work, he grabbed the arm of my spinning chair and directed it towards him, pinning me down by grabbing the other side.

"Are you still hung up on that kiss?" He whispered, his face incredibly close, gaze so strong I felt like I couldn't look away. "I can give you one if it helps you forget." The smirk on his face told me he was teasing, but I couldn't help my imagination run wild. 

‘He's your instructor, Katsumi” That's not appropriate.’ I told myself off and shook my head 'no'.

"What're you spacing out for then?" He kept interrogating me, making no move to back down.

"I... I didn't get much sleep last night." I muttered, scared if I talked too loud I would stutter over every word.

"You have your pills. Take them." He demanded and I looked away, embarrassed I needed help to even sleep. I felt pathetic. When I didn't respond, Kaga stood up straight and returned to his office. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and returned to work, completely forgetting about any possibility of finding my mother.

~~~~~~

Working away at my desk, trying to distract myself from any thought about the woman sitting just outside my office, Ayumu stormed in with a stern look on his face.

"Someone keeps accessing a case file on the database." He dropped the papers on my desk after making sure the door was closed behind him. I looked down and found a solved case from over a decade ago. "I looked at the security cameras pointing at the computer used and guess who I found." He slapped another sheet down with a dishevelled and tired-looking Katsumi pictured on it. My brows furrowed at this suspicious behaviour.

"I'll deal with it." Wanting to be the first one to hear her explanation, I slid the files into my desk. Ayumu's brows flickered together before he realised what I said. I glared up at him, daring him to argue, but instead, he excused himself, walking right back out the door as fast as he came in.

~~~~~~

"I can't believe we were caught making out on security cameras!" Naruko, almost giddily, cries out after telling me an instructor had confronted both her and Chiba about inappropriate behaviour in the common rooms. Apparently, they were getting hot 'n' heavy before escaping to her room and they got caught. Although, that's not the part of the story I was fretting over.

‘I would have been caught sneaking on the computers in the middle of the night. Are there rules against that?’ I have to stop myself from pulling at my hair as I freaked out. Kaga or Ayumu would have gladly said something if I was doing anything wrong. ‘Should I come clean before they need to? No, that's a horrible idea. I'd be admitting my own guilt.’ I shook my head at my internal conversation, Naruko too self-absorbed to realise. She was walking to me the Instructor's Staff Room before lunch because I was tasked with delivering some papers to Kaga. ‘Oh god, what if this is an excuse to get me here?’

~~~~~~~~

At lunch, Katsumi knocked on the door of my office. Her head peeked in first, her short bob only leaning slightly. I found that style on her so sexy. Her white hair against her fair skin. Her neck on display for every man to see. I had to stop myself from staring her into the ground as she approached my desk with light steps, scared for some reason. That's when I remembered the case file she was caught staring at.

"Instructor Akiyame asked me-."

"What were you doing looking at these?" I cut her off, pulling the papers out and dropping them in front of me as she put the stack she had down. She froze, staring at the first page like it had just threatened her life. I watched her gulp, pushing a piece of her hair behind her ear, giving herself time to think. She couldn't look at the glare I had on my face and I couldn't say I wasn’t amused. She'd been caught and she knew it, thinking she could just magic her way out of here by not answering me? No way.

Standing up, I walked around the desk to meet her gaze. She stumbled back, but I could tell she wasn’t terrified. Not like that guy at the party. Her eyes were wide, but not with fright. It was almost curiosity that pulled her in. She gulped again as I cornered her into the desk.

Just as I was about to ask again, she announced her reasonings. "My... My mother was a witness in that case." She bit her lip, turning away and her hair fell, blocking my view of that innocent guilty expression. I was almost annoyed that I got to miss it. I knew she had more to say, the absence in the movement of her chest told me she's holding her breath, waiting for me to push her further.

"She left me a ring before she ran away. It was a piece of evidence." She continued to report as I dropped a hand either side of her on my desk. She leaned so far back she might as well have been sitting on the surface. I looked down and her thigh in the tight trousers of the academy uniform widened as she pressured backwards.

"I thought she was dead... But my... My father kept asking me where she was... So I got curious." Her voice was trembling now, so I knew she was remembering her time in that underground torture chamber. My eyes narrowed, heart-stopping when I heard her frail noises. It angered me that she had to go through that. For her whole life. And it angered me that I didn't try looking for her when she didn't show up in the hotel. I had an inkling that something was up. A body can't be incinerated like that, no matter how much of the building went up in flames. I should have followed my instincts, but I let Ishigami's facts get the better of me. Our Chief even had to talk me down. I was so angry at her for running in. It was such a stupid move. Even still, I remembered her saving me. Even if some people told me it could have been a hallucination caused by the lack of oxygen I was getting because of all the smoke I had inhaled. I never let Ishigami change my actions. So, why did I then?

It was even harder when we found the woman at the club who looked just like her. The only thing that was different was her hair colour and the way she acted when we were far from her. She was comfortable, completely in her element as she pushed that guy into the bar. She almost seemed bored by the constant string of criminal activities in that club. I almost believed it wasn't her when she stood on the foothold of the stool and bent over the bar to get close and personal with the bartender, her dress just covering her most discreet place. 

Yet, I saw the fluster on her cheeks when she turned to confront the suspicious man in the club she was meant to protect. I’ll be honest, I didn't think she had it in her to entice a man like that. On purpose. Not like the way she's intrigued me. Her unconscious movements and reactions to the way I treated her was a force that I hadn't enjoyed before. I always found myself wondering how far I could push her before she got mad and stormed away, not afraid to take the work I had given her before I even finished my demands.

I backed up when I heard her sniff. Her arm darted in front of her eyes so I couldn't see and I started to feel guilty that I was the cause of it. 

"I keep telling myself that she's dead, but I can't help thinking that she's out there. I even called this estate agent, using the clue in that ring, but it was too late at night and I backed out." She was pouring her heart out to me as she cried, still hiding her true pain from me. I sighed, wrapping my arms around her because it seemed like it helped her. She grabbed the sleeve of my arm. Not to push away, but to help support herself.

‘Moron.’ I wasn’t calling her one, she was perfectly allowed to be reacting like this. She was a broken girl who went through a traumatic event. I was blaming myself for feeling the feelings that I was. I noticed the way she bit the tip of her thumb when she was stressed, not because of an interrogation tactic, but because her frowning brows looked so cute. I noticed the way she lifted her glasses onto her head the second she could because she got so annoyed by them. I noticed the way she could just brush Ayumu's teasing off and how she had grown so used to all the men in the academy talking to her. She had calmed down since the beginning of the year, when she couldn't even sit down on a bed next to me. 

Now that I think about it, maybe that was for a different reason as well? She was always so cautious, so willing to prove herself to everyone else, I wondered how she would react if she knew how I felt? How I thought about her at night when I finally got a moment of silence away from Four Eyes or sudden changes to my schedule.

My gaze fell to the back of her neck, exposed under the hair that floated over her shoulders and I was angry with myself that that was how I reacted in the moment. It wasn’t appropriate and not okay. And, even though I say that, I couldn't help but be happy that I was the one that could hold her. I was the one that could back her up into a wall and tease her. She wouldn't tell me off, not like she did to Ayumu when he got too personal. I was the one that knew how her outdated sense in music calmed her down. I might not have known how much she was struggling, but I knew how to help her.

~~~~~~~~~

As I stood in Kaga's arms again, I couldn't help but think how safe I felt with him. His arms were so strong and his chest was hard but soft. The heat radiating off him would otherwise be unbearable but the way his breath blew on the back of my neck as I cried into him, it was tolerable. The cigarette smell mixed in with cologne didn't bite at my nose the same way my father did, he only ever smelt like the acidic stench cigars gave him. The glares he gave me were more encouraging than anything, daring me to do better. The way he held me on missions may be temporary and full of the facade we were trying to portray, but my heart raced every time. Sure, whenever a guy got into my personal space I'm embarrassed, unused to a towering figure that could be kind and protective, but with Kaga, it was different. I didn't know how, but it just was.

However, embarrassment quickly consumed me. I'm reminded of how unprofessional this was. I was meant to be a student learning to be a detective. Not a little girl who cried every time she got in her head. 

Taking a deep breath, I drew back and Kaga eased his grasp but didn't fully let me go. I looked up at him with an uneasy gaze and there was a look in his eyes that I didn't recognise. It was almost scary. He was the devil Instructor, so who's surprised? But this... This was different. It was the look he had when he pulled Noburu off me and I wanted to run away from it, too ashamed for him to see me act so deplorable.

Inching back further, he seemed to come to his senses and let me go entirely. The cool rush of loneliness almost made me miss it. Almost.

I was about to apologise for how I had been acting when the school bell rang, signally the end of our lunch break. 

"Moron, don't just stand there, get moving." Kaga’s expression had turned into a scowl again and he hit the side of my head with the papers I had previously set down. The light hud reminded me of how he hadn't done that since I returned. Had he been holding off until he knew I was completely healed? And he insulted me, something he had also been easing back into. I likeed the push of encouragement and my tears dried quicker than I would have liked. It was so childish to calm down so quickly. Almost like I was having a tantrum and someone just gave me a piece of candy. With the knowledge of that, I blushed and bowed before running out of the office, having dried my face on my sleeve.

[svntea]

i was tagged by @deliirious uwu tag ten followers you’d like to know better

name — anna

gender — female

star sign — aquarius

height — 5′0 (shut up)

age — 24

wallpaper on my phone — it’s a collage of taylor swift with ‘shade never made anybody less gay’ on it

house — jk uses her platform to support dangerous ‘gender critical’ ideology through willful ignorance and i’m not going to support her or her shitty books for kids because of ~nOsTaLgIa~ or whatever other bullshit excuses people use to be obtuse 

ever crush on a teacher — i don’t think i ever had a legit crush? i had teachers i liked but it was more about craving a mother figure?

coolest halloween costume —  it wasn’t cool but i think it’s very sexy of me to dress up like gizmo 

favorite 90s tv show — tales from the crypt 

last kiss — redacted

have you ever been stood up — for dates? no. i’ve had my friends forget to meet me though. 

favorite pair of shoes — like every pnw lesbian i fucking love my vegan docs and my tevas but the ones i’d save from a fire are my stella mccartney heels. those fuckers were expensive.

have you ever been to vegas — briefly but i don’t gamble or drink so it’s not on my top ten 

favorite fruit — salmon berries or figs! i’ll also happily accept any berries you happen to have on hand

favorite book — can i cheat and just list the last five highly rated things i have on goodreads? i really enjoyed split tooth by tanya tagaq, the vegetarian by han kang, little black book of stories by a.s. byatt, a concise chinese-english dictionary for lovers by xiaolu guo, and the hunger by alma katsu. bonus points goes to wolfsong by tj klune which i’m not super proud to admit i cried actual tears over multiple times. 

stupidest thing you’ve ever done — i was legitimately invested in glee from november 9, 2010 to march 20, 2015 and if you recognize the importance of those dates you fully understand my shame (googling it is cheating bitches)

all time favorite shows — golden girls is my ‘comfort’ show but honestly? hannibal is the one i watch the most and like pay attention because it’s just so aesthetically pleasing. okay yeah and i’ll cape for shadowhunters too. magnus bane owns this ass we know this.  

last movie you saw in theaters — oh fuck was it cats? it might have been cats. 

tagging: @canthelps @starbled @temptvtion @deadromantcs @sweetcstfantasy  @puretcngue @schratterwrites  @wxldheartx and idk who else but like you can totally just say i tagged you if you want?