#K is going to get himself haunted i guess

[corrupttheconscience]

Cthulhu Mythos sleep experiment night 3: Shub-Niggurath (the black goat of the woods with a thousand young)

Ok. The All mother. Teeny weeny bit more frightened as she is somewhat more popular. Also checked with my therapist about doing these expirements and just got the seal of approval on it for all that. In case you were worried. Ok so this girly (genderless) is mentioned a bunch more than previous ones in lovecrafts work like we are talking BY NAME which is big. She seems to usually be with humanity which is good, and is summoned a lot. Theoretically she looks kinda like an evil cloud? And lä! Shub-Niggurath! is a pretty common saying for people to just like pop up with in conversation about great old ones and stuff. So guess I’ll say that before i go to bed. Still using CargoCulture’s beastiary for the symbol.

Bit uneven hope no one minds. Well. See you in the morning.

[impyssadobsessions]

DPXDC Enemy of my Enemy is the Worse "Excerpts" (Part 1?) I have more Ideas

Okay I kepy thinking about the prompt Enemy of my Enemy is the Worse I made LOL- (gonna post excerpts.) Probably wont fully write this.. as much as I like to right now LOL. If this inspires anyone to write, go for it.

"So now what? Going to vivisect me? Experiment? Rip my molecules apart like how my-Mr. Fenton keeps telling me." "Unfortunately, no." Agent K grumbles. "And its dissection, not-" Agent O tries to correct. "I maybe dead-but I'm not THAT dead." Danny rolled his eyes, flashing them at the two men in white. He can't believe any of this is happening. Oh he wished he listened to Jazz.. or Sam or Tuck more. He pulled at his ghost proof bindings, them having him ridiculously buried in the restraints. "Actually, Mr. Phantom, is it? I wanted to talk." Another bald man walks in, his suit notably black. Danny raised his eyebrow unimpressed, "What? Is it the Guys in Black and White now? Not that I'm against it, I'm all for equality, but it does seem a little off brand. I'm guessing the bleach bill is getting too high." Agent O was about to speak out- when the guy in black raised his hand to silence him. This guy only looked slightly amused, which gave Danny the creeps. "Of course not. That'd be ridiculous, though I'm not against inclusivity either. I'm Lex Luthor, and it is my recent interest in ghosts that had allowed the GIW to reach its full potential. " "So another annoying billionaire. Great."

"So you know of me? Perfect, then we can keep this simple. In truth, I am only interested in one ghost in particular." "We can capture him without involving ourselves with this scum-" "This GHOST has not only evaded my notice for YEARS, but has been stealing very valuable technology that would go beyond NASA's comprehension. Though I don't doubt your expertise, it has not come without notice that this particular ghost is seen the most-" Lex flicked his eyes down at Phantom. "With you." Agent K and O unrolled paper from their suits to reveal a picture of Plasmius. "The Wisconsin Ghost." - "Plasmius?!" Danny spoke same time the Agents did. Lex smirked at the Agents then down at Phantom. Danny took a moment to register what was going on before busting out laughing. "Really? What makes you think I'm buddy buddy with Plasmius? He's a total fruitloop and honestly- not surprise. He steals blueprints from my p---Dr. Fentons all the time." "You steal their items as well, if we recall." Agent K raised a brow. "Well-I- Just because- YOU USE THEIR BLUEPRINTS TOO!" "Enough. " Lex starting to sound annoyed, Danny felt like it was a win. Serves bastard right. Man did he hate billionaires. "I've observed your work in Amity Park. If I dare say you are quite similar to many of the masked vigilantes that plague this Earth. Even more heroic in my opinion." Danny was not biting at whatever trick Lex was pulling. Though he didn't miss the skip of his core at being recognized something other than a menace. 'He's lying to you.' he repeated in his head. Pulling on his bindings again to remember the real situation before him.

"That being said, I like you to do as heroes do and capture this criminal, then bring him to me." "Look, thanks for the compliment- but we both know I'm not seen as a hero. So why don't you quit the buttering 'cause I'm not interested in culinary and tell me what's in it for me. Even though I'm barely c-average on the best of days, I'm not dumb. I'm not doing this for free or just some lame you will be spared nonsense. Been there done that." Lex smirked again, "I'll grant you immunity from GIW and you can have your haunt back." "Wait? What?!" "But it took so long to capture him-" "IF you manage to capture Plasmius and bring him to me before GIW can." Danny glanced at the two agents as they puffed out their chests. Cocky. They really think they could capture Vlad? Then painfully reminded himself that they did catch him. "And if I don't agree?" "We DISSECT you and use you for very unethical and highly painful experiments that are legal on subjects like yourself." Agent K happily boast. "Riiiight." Danny clicked his tongue, "Add in that these guys are not allowed to be in a 50 miles radius from Amity and I'll do it." "No-" "Deal."

------------------------------------

Danny looped on back to the entryway as he finished swooping through every room of the manor. "Alright! Come on out Fruitloop! I know you're still here-" Just as Phantom floated down to land, he felt a hard punch in his face that sent him skidding across the room into the wall. "OOF" "Guess I should have seen that com...ming..." Danny rubbed his jaw, turning back to see who punched him. His eyes widening as he recognized the heroes he was facing. "Phantom. We're taking you into custody." "YOU CALLED THE JUSTICE LEAGUE ON ME?!" -----(Fight happens)--- Flash manages to hold Phantom, using his speeding molecules to keep Phantom from phasing through his grip. Danny gritting his teeth as the other heroes ready to capture him. Fine. If he can't phase through, he'll just phase in. Phantom uses his icy breath to freeze everything around them. Superman quickly uses his laser vision to melt the ice covering the room in mist, trying to keep themselves from being frozen. "Flash!" When the mist cleared the was no sign of him. Superman using his hearing to try and locate him- despite guarding his right side, he was kicked into the wall by Flash. Flash's eyes glowing bright green. "Well this is weird." -Proceeds to fight in Flash's body for a moment, until he gets knocked out of it. Danny's on his last legs, thinking he barely done a number on them (Not realizing he had been giving them quite a fight). Danny tries to reason again only to hear Amity Park doing great since GIW involvement. Still he isn't backing down. Even mentions Lex is backing them. He knows its only temporary peace if its really peace at all. Which he suspects is a big farce. Besides the portal still resides in Amity. GIW can't get a hold of that- portal. If he can't make them hear him out, then he'll show them why Vlad isn't just some victim. (Not realizing what Justice League may have already discovered) "Want to know why the number 2 worse billionaire is after Fruitloop?" standing up as the net placed on him burned and electrified him. It hurt so much, but he wasn't ready to quit now. Superman flew out in front of the others to block Phantom as Phantom tackled him. Phantom just uses rest of his strength to crash Superman through layers of floors til they reached the secret lab. Superman flinging Phantom into the other side of the room just as they landed, making him slam into a green tube, shattering it. The netting having dropped to the ground away from him. He coughed, shaking as a white ring dangerously popped around his waist shakily dancing, until Phantom sucked it back in. Not yet. The green ectoplasm from the tube soaking into his skin. His eyes widening as he saw what the green ectoplasm was from, jumping back with a disgust yell. He watched the clone fizzle out. "ALREADY? Really Vlad?" He shook off the creeps. "What is this?" "A Lab, du-UAHHHHHHH-" He found himself being spun around by Flash, and flung into the air where he was lassoed. Wonder Woman yanked on the rope tight, swinging him down into the opposite wall. He really was tired of being walled by them. Batman was quick to cuff him as Superman froze him in place. Danny raised a tired brow, unamused. "Are we chill now?" "No." "Thought so." ---bit more talking. Danny navigating his way through the truth of the lasso before using his wail as his last ditch effort to escape. Manages to escape through the portal as the lab collapses.

[kasagia]

Can't catch me now... pt. 2

Pairing: Aleksander Morozova/The Darkling xgrisha! reader Summary: The Hunger Games in Ravka. 12 districts. 12 tributes. 12 mentors. 11 young people die every year. 1 winner. Aleksander was a mentor to many. But only your face will haunt him for centuries. Inspired by: The Hunger Games. I changed the world of both of them a bit. Word Count: 4,4 k Taglist: @flostvs1508 @watersquirtpewpewboomm @aoi-targaryen @summersummoner-pat @il0vebeingdelulu @chelseyyouraverageluigi @msblacklupin Aleksander Morozova's Masterlist ~•♤♤♤•~ Main Masterlist PART 1 ~•♤♤♤•~

"You look like death. Have you even slept an hour?" You shrug at Genya's question. The woman sighs and works on your face to make you presentable. "The general was furious. He's a good man, despite everything they say about him. You have to understand that... he didn't expect this turn of events, and his stoic attitude was violated. I swear, this is the second time I've seen him lose his cool. And I've been here since I was a child."

"When was the first time?" You ask curiously, not believing her for a moment. You couldn't trust anyone here. You could only count on yourself and no one else. You missed Alina a lot.

"I will tell you this with a complete twist. Anyway, if someone asks, you didn't know it from me. 40 years ago, in the Hunger Games, the General was... asked to be a mentor. Her name was Luda. She was brave and beautiful, with a good heart and a pure soul. She was a healer in her village. She volunteered. In exchange for her younger sister."

"And what happened? He scared her with his shadows because she was a vegetarian and didn't want to eat meat to get stronger?" You mock, as she is making final amendments to your look.

"She died." An uncomfortable silence filled the room. Genya was blindly combing your hair, obviously thinking about her. You could see from the look in her eyes that she must have been especially close to this tribute. "She was... close to the general. He had been mourning her death for a very long time. And I don't want to spread rumours, but the tribute who killed her and won the Hunger Games was found hanging in the forest near his home village. His family was soon convicted of conspiring against the crown and hanged in a more… spectacular way."

"I feel like you're not telling me this just to satisfy my curiosity." You guess as she finally pulls away from you.

You don't know what's worse, when she fixes your face with her strange power or when she looks at you intently, looking for something else to improve your appearance. You weren't used to caring THAT much about yourself. Because who would want to look at an orphan?

"I just want to warn you that… our choices don't necessarily affect only us." You roll your eyes at her attempt at intimidation. Of course. He couldn't make you do anything himself, so he sent his minions to convince you. Quite pathetic, like for the terrible Darkling, who everyone feared.

"I am an orphan. There's nothing he can take from me. I... I have nothing left to lose or to care about..." You say it quietly, rubbing your wrist with your hand. You try hard not to think about Alina and Mal. Your only family... all you have left after those you lost.

"And your life?"

"We're all going to die someday, Genya." Your soft whisper seals the uncomfortable silence.

You think about your parents and siblings—everyone you lost—and the life you could have had that fate ripped from you before you learned how to fight for yourself. You lost everything as a child. There's nothing left for you. At least nothing good.

"Here. You look amazing. There is only one thing missing." She says this with a smile and takes out a long, black coat with black and white embroidery from the closet. It's a kefta. A fucking kefta.

"What the hell is that?" You ask angrily, standing up from your chair and looking at the piece of clothing in utter disgust.

"The general ordered it especially for you. You are a Grisha. You are one of us, and you should present yourself as such." She says this and puts the kefta on the chair.

You walk up to it and run your hand over the material. You expected something rough—just like the general's character—and uncomfortable to wear, since the keftas protected Grisha from every blade and bullet, but this... was nothing like armor. It was soft and cozy. Like velvet. Nothing you may have experienced in your district.

"Black? Isn't that his colour?" You ask, trying to reassure yourself of how terrible this damn thing is.

"Merzost is closely associated with the Darkling bloodline in our culture, since he used it to create the fold. Consider it a… coincidental coincidence." You snort when you hear her explanation. If anything, it was a sign of belonging. The general's new toy. Freak of nature. What a pity he'll lose you before he can use you for the good of his fucking Grisha.

"Other people won't see it like that. You know this, so stop lying to me." The redhead sighs, running a hand through her hair.

"Just put it on. People need to know that the king broke his word to Grisha to force you to participate in the Hunger Games, breaking part of the covenant between us."

"This isn't my war to fight, Genya. Besides, I'm going to die in games anyway, so what's the difference?" Your response only enraged her more.

She didn't raise her voice, and you wouldn't have recognized her emotions unless you saw her hands tremble slightly before she placed them behind her back. You wonder how many times she has had to hide her true feelings.

"You have Merzost in your veins, the most powerful force you can draw from. Do you really want to give it all up? Lose the opportunity you have in front of you? Do you know how many of us have been waiting for you?" She asks with resentment in her voice, but you really don't want to argue with her.

You know it doesn't make sense because they are all here believing in some stupid children's story, a fairy tale that made you a savior in their eyes, and now, since you have finally arrived, you are supposed to fly around and pretend to be a hero you know you are not. As if you could do anything you wanted.

"I was dead long before I was chosen for The Hunger Games. Year after year I was only prolongs the inevitable. I am sorry, but that's the truth. Don't get your hopes up."

"I see that my favourite suicide is in good shape today." Your discussion is interrupted by the appearance of the Darkling. You sigh, rolling your eyes at him. You seriously considered throwing yourself at the spear of one of those ancient armored knights that decorated the halls of the palace. At least you wouldn't have to endure his presence any longer. "Are you rested? Fed?"

"Don't you have something else to do instead of keeping an eye on me? Or send your minions to do it for you? This is getting tiring and irritating." Genya gives you an offended look. She huffs, leaving the chambers as she gets a nod from the Darkling.

"I am your mentor. It's my duty to take care of you." He says, clasping his hands behind him once you're left alone. He looks at you carefully and takes a step towards you. This time, you don't step back but stare at him defiantly.

"Then it is with great pleasure that I would like to relieve you of this obligation." Your words only make him chuckle. He straightens a piece of your hair, tucking it behind your ear. His fingertips brush against your cheek, making you shiver. However, you do nothing to let him know how much his proximity bothers you.

"Oh, you won't make it. Only a king can do this. Do you like your kefta?" He asks, changing the subject. You turn your head towards the offending fabric still hanging on the chair.

"It looks like a floor rag." You say, not hiding your disgust. He chuckles darkly again. He takes the kefta in his hands and unfolds it, pretending to look at it carefully as he walks over to you again.

"Then Karamzin must be richer than I thought, if this is what your floor rags look like. Especially the orphanage."

"Have you been rummaging through my files? What for?" You ask in shock, trying to mask your fear. If he finds out about Alina and Mal… you don't want to have any more deaths on your conscience.

"Better put it on if you don't want to find out very soon." You decide to follow your better judgement instead of your pride and turn your back on him, letting him put on the hideous kefta. Surprisingly, the material hugs you perfectly. You feel warm and soft—the complete opposite of what you know. You gasp in shock as he reaches for his belt and pulls you towards him. You bump into his chest as he tightens the belt around your waist. "Good girl. Now, put your hand in the crook of my arm and smile nicely, and everything will turn out great today. And if you keep behaving as a good girl, you'll get dessert tonight."

"I'd rather gouge out my eyes and sew my mouth shut than be an obedient little doll that you can dress however you want and show everyone."

"I'd reconsider it if I were you. The chefs baked a chocolate cake today. With chocolate-covered cherries on top. Have you ever had a chance to eat something like it?" He smiles, almost mischievously, as he stands next to you, still waiting for you to follow his instructions.

"Son of a bitch." You mutter under your breath and he laughs. He must have been drunk. He couldn't be in such a good mood. Not him.

"That's actually very ture, my little wellspring." He says and leads you to a slaughter worse than the Hunger Games... he leads you to a party for the Games. Among the nobility. You shudder just thinking about this nightmare (not because he puts his bigger hand on yours).

"You have a very beautiful dress!" You force a fake smile on your lips when a noblewoman compliments you.

"Thank you." You say, sipping your glass of wine. The only good thing that happened to you at the party was alcohol. And even then, the Darkling tried to limit you to this one pleasure, making sure that you didn't drink too much.

Your head hurt from all the nonsense conversations with all these people who were only famous for being born into rich families. Terrible. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice several tributes also struggling to maintain their composure. At least you weren't the only one.

However, after you turned out to be Grisha, the rest of the tributes tended to avoid you. You knew from the beginning that you wouldn't have any friends among them, but it would be nice to have one friendly soul in this terrible place.

"I didn't think the people of District 12 would fit into our community so well, but you, darling, look absolutely perfect." You barely stop yourself from throwing the glass you're holding at her. Instead, you tighten your grip on him and smile politely at her, gritting your teeth in anger.

"I'm glad I can surprise you."

Fortunately, you don't have to talk to her anymore. The general approaches you quickly, noticing your tenseness, and with his natural grace, he places his hand on your waist, starting a conversation with a woman who turns out to be a close friend of the queen. Oops. It's better that he came to you, because you wouldn't apologise if you accidentally allowed Merzost to break free and turn her into a volcra.

As you stand next to them, as larger crowds of women begin to gather around you, you realize a terrible truth. The Darkling was your only support here. Him and Genya.

You flinch as he suddenly tightens his grip on your waist and guides you away from the group of noblewomen, who giggle as you both walk away. You allow yourself to roll your eyes at them.

"What the hell was that?" He asks you angrily, setting your glass down on the table. You automatically reach for it again, but he grabs your hand before you can take it and keeps it away from the alcohol.

"I was just about to ask you the same fucking thing." You respond in a defiant tone, glaring daggers at him. Your stomach was starting to growl, and the bastard wouldn't let you touch anything to eat until you fulfilled your end of the bargain and behaved yourself. As you and he can see, you didn't do very well.

"Don't grimace around them as if they were pouring salt into your open wounds." He says it angrily and lets go of your hand. He reaches for something from the buffet. You freeze when he hands you a tiny plate with some fruit. You lick your lips, staring at your food for a moment before looking back at him. "It's for avoiding causing a drama. Partly. Try harder, and I'll let you eat whatever you want."

"But that's what they do! Do you have any idea what it's like to have to stand there smiling and nodding your head while these snobs from the capital talk about how your people and the city are octopus and beneath them?!" You hiss so only he can hear it, but you take the plate of food from him anyway. God knows when you'll get something again.

"I'm Grisha. I know exactly what you are going through." You would laugh at him mockingly if you didn't have a mouth full of food. He looks at you disgusted, and you quickly get the hint and eat smaller portions.

"Please. You've been doing fine since the Hunger Games. At least your people don't have to die every year to the delight of a bunch of sadistic idiots with stuffed bras and fake hair." Your comment makes him bite his lip, but he still can't help but smile a little. Few people could make him laugh and laugh at the same time. As you can see, Merzost wasn't the only special thing about you.

However, your hostile look reminds him that you are in the middle of an argument, and it is his turn to present his argument. God, how much work he had to do with you. You will kill him before he can get you safely through the Hunger Games.

"But years ago we were hunted by all of you, and somehow I don't spit on every Ravkan and kill them for it."

"Because you didn't experience it. If you were there, you would act differently." You sound confident. He shakes his head, wondering how you would react to the truth. Although now he seems to be more interested in food than in anything he has to say. He had to finally feed you. His Merzost Holder couldn't go hungry. It's enough that you experienced hunger and poverty in District 12.

"You think?" He asks, setting your empty plate on the table and offering his hand to you. You look at him for a moment, confused by the sudden… change in his attitude.

"General?"

"You can dance, can't you?" He asks, taking your hand, and without waiting for your response, he leads you to the dance floor. The rest of the mentors have no such idea, so you both are closely watched by all the participants in the ball.

"A little." You say shyly, something he's experiencing from you for the first time. He smiles fondly at you, which, of course, you don't see, too embarrassed to look at anything other than your shoes. But others see. The general's small smile does not go unnoticed by his closest soldiers.

"I guess I have to work with that." He says this and gently lifts your chin to look at him. He places a hand on your waist, and the other holds yours in an iron, steady grip. "Eyes on me. Put your hand on my shoulder and try not to fall. Keep up with me, and everything will be fine."

All you can do is trust him, which you do with surprising ease for him. Somehow, he can't take his eyes off you. You looked gorgeous in the black kefta, especially with his symbol embroidered on the back—a little thing you didn't need to know yet. And so, looking at you, Aleksander can't help but wonder what it would be like if he met you under different circumstances. Maybe if he were younger, less experienced... if his mother's words didn't ring so loudly in his head every time he started to feel something akin to tenderness towards you. Maybe if he hadn't lost so many...

Meanwhile, you try to fight the strange feeling he gives you every time his skin touches yours. You feel a strange pull, a calling, and you realise how your power, the same one you tried to ignore and forget for so many years, comes to life under his touch. You hated it. And him. For trying to break down the walls that you put up for so long and so hard. For trying to make you the Grisha you hated. For making it so easy for you to sink into the arms of the Black Heretic ancestor.

And at the same time… it was nice to feel important for a change… even if just for a moment.

So you dance with him, agreeing to this little moment of truce between you two. Deciding that you would look for answers later as to why you felt so attached to him. And why every time he touched you you felt so… powerful.

"That was awful." You groan as you finally return to your chambers, with the Darkling by your side, of course.

He hasn't left you since that dance. He was always somewhere next to you as you talked with the nobility. You have gained several sponsors and the favour of important people in Os Alta. The Darkling was pleased. And you're exhausted.

"And wonderful. You did great, much better than I expected. The servants should bring our dinner soon." He says, sitting next to you on the couch, watching as you take off your kefta and throw it in the corner of the room. He bites his lip, deciding not to comment. He already expected a lot from you today. The manners lesson could have been taught another time.

"Our?" You ask surprised, not expecting him to stay longer than necessary.

"Do you mind?"

"Yes." You answer honestly and straight away, to which he just laughs.

"I wish I cared." He replies with a mischievous smile. You roll your eyes as you take off your shoes and try to pick any pins out of your hair. Genya seemed to enjoy tormenting you. There were definitely too many of them. "So a healer? Really?" He asks, referring to your last conversation. Someone asked you what you wanted to do before you got into The Hunger Games. You decided to answer truthfully once. Of course, you were laughed off and called a sweet, naive soul willing to help. You wanted to vomit on their polished, gold-plated shoes.

"Why not?" You ask angrily. He raises his hands defensively with a smirk, seeing how fed up you are with everything that happened today.

"It's rather… a thankless profession among the common people. Healers usually come to them when they are dying. Relieve suffering. They are the harbinger of death, almost like a reaper. Usually, they are not coming to actually extend their lives."

"So you must have had similar experiences." You scoff, making him think about it. This wasn't what you expected. You were expecting a rather harsh answer. Not a pensive, almost sad look. For a moment, you think that maybe he, too, could just be human. You shake your head. No. He was just one of them. He couldn't have any... human feelings or know the real pain.

"Painful but true. They don't get excited when they see me either." His whisper should make you change the subject, but after the terrible day he put you through, all you want to do is stick a pin in him where it hurts the most.

"I wonder why..." You start, but he cuts you off before you can finish.

"Don't mock. You were behaving so nicely. I prefer you to smile than spit acid."

"I wish I cared." You repeat his words from a while ago, trying to imitate his tone of voice. He rolls his eyes at you, but somehow you both do nothing more than make snide comments to each other. Taking advantage of the relatively quiet moment between you, you decide to ask him honestly. "What do you want from me?"

"To win." He replies simply, playing with the ring on his finger. He rolls it over on his finger, resting his chin on his hand as he looks at you intently. A shiver runs through you as the dark depths of his eyes meet yours. Undeterred by his short, evasive answer, you continue, knowing that this is your only chance to get something from him.

"And then what? You won't let me go back to my district." You say, knowing perfectly well that this is not an option for you. IF you win.

"You are right. You will live here. With Grisha. The people you belong to." You frown, dissatisfied with his answer. You weren't Grisha. You will never be. No matter how much he pushes and forces you to become one of them.

"Unless I die, which is very probably since I am not going to kill anyone on the arena." You remind him. He doesn't seem to take your promise seriously. You don't convince him. He will see for himself in the arena how serious you are about your decision.

"You won't die." He says it firmly, as if it were an obvious fact.

"How can you..."

"YOU WON'T!" He yells at you, standing up. You sit stoically in the same position as before, watching as the shadows in the corner of the room gather around him. He sighs and waves them away. "I've been waiting a long time for you, Y/N. You are the one of your kind and even more precious than a Sun Summoner. I won't see your dead body. No matter how much you want it."

"Leave." You say, too tired to argue with him, to tell him that you have no intention of being an obedient tool in his hands, that you won't be a weapon that he can use.

"That's my palace." Furious at his words, you get up to face him. You look at each other with pure hatred.

You are too tired to notice that a dark mass is beginning to form around your arms. But Aleksander sees it. And he watches with fascination as you let your powers slip through. Out of curiosity, he summons his shadows behind you. Just a small black cloud. However, for some reason, under the influence of your powers, the room is plunged into complete darkness. He looks at you in shock, realising that you had unknowingly empowered him by providing him with energy from Merzost. Unbelievable.

"And my room for a while, so prove to me you can sometimes be the nobel man everyone told me you are and leave me alone." You whisper; all you can see in the dark surrounding you are its irises, analysing you with undisguised fascination and admiration.

If only you trained, if you learned to control what was inside you... Aleksander wouldn't have to take anyone into account; he could just declare himself tsar, threatening the Ravkans to expand the fold if they didn't recognise Grisha's greatness. All he needed was you.

"As you wish." He says, deciding to let you win this fight. He takes your hand and holds it tight as he calls his shadows back to him. They come back in a second. One blink, and the darkness in the room disappears. Impossible. Even his mother didn't have that much control in her glory days. He wondered if you would have this effect only on him or on other Grisha as well. But no. He won't share this secret with anyone. Not yet. For now, you were only his little wellspring of power. "Tomorrow is the first day of your training. 7 A.M. Don't be late, or I will drag you out of your bed by myself." He says, letting go of your hand and walking towards the exit, trying hard not to steal glances at you. He would have to look into his grandfather's journals and old books. You were a real mystery. And he was just waiting to see what more you could do besides complete him perfectly.

"Go to hell." You mutter under your breath, rubbing the hand that was in his iron grip a few moments ago. You felt that stupid electric thrill again. It definitely had to have something to do with your strange connection. Darkling and Merzost Holder. You had to find out more about it. Maybe you need to start being nice to Genya after all...

"Excuse me?" He asks, turning around in the doorway when he hears the insult from you.

"Sleep well." You reply with a sweet, cynical smile. He shakes his head in amusement and decides to ignore your behavior. He'll give you a hard time at training tomorrow. See how far your skills range. With a little training, who knows... maybe you'll be able to bring people back from the dead.

Involuntarily, his thoughts turn to Luda. If he had you by his side earlier… no. He couldn't think about her. He knows that history would have turned out the same way. Because even if you had revealed yourself to him earlier, he would have been too busy with you to see anyone else.

Aleksander promises himself that he will do everything to prevent you from becoming his second Luda. He had enough ghosts of his past tormenting him at night. And you can't become another one of them. If necessary, I will kill these tributes myself. He will find a way. He always did.

Unless someone dares to interfere with his plans... just like last time. That's why, immediately after leaving your chambers, he goes to the only person he knows who will be able to protect you from his greatest enemy.

"Ulla?! Sister?! I have an offer you can't refuse!" He calls from the shore of the lake in the gardens of Little Palace.

[shuuen-no-cimory]

Also of course, it ain't me if I don't crossover my current hyperfixation with my ultimate current hyperfixation. So... Degrees of Lewdity x ProjectMoon! (This post is full of me yapping as I explain each drawing, so I guess, be ready?)

First, I'll go hard with Whitney as R Corp. 4th Rabbit Team. The initial idea was that he reminds me so much of RHeath LMAO But eventually I love the idea because I think he'd go along with Myo well. Plus... Somehow imagining Whitney in Rabbit Team Hatchery shenanigans seems... Interesting.

Next is Eden. If anyone notice, I originally designed him based of 2 Abnos: Der Freischutz and Big Bird. Der Frei was, of course, a nod to his title as a Hunter, and a marksman as well. For Big Bird... Yeah definitely there's the Big Bird in DoL, yet I think temperance-wise, Eden does felt similar to Big Bird. A creature living in a forest, thinking they protect others by doing the action that definitely doesn't seems to be out of protection. As for RRH, oh think about this: Being hunted down while getting marked. One by a hunter, and another by a wolf. Oh isn't it just reminds me of something...? Right

Funny enough, before I designed the school LIs properly, I reimagined them as The City's feathers. "If they're living in the City and has to work with one Wing, which one they'll work on?" I've talked about R. Corp Whitney earlier so I'll talk about the others! Robin, L Corp. - I can imagine him with the pressing needs to survive under the weight of Bailey's rent ends up either being sent or signed himself up as an agent for L Corp. The Wing doesn't ask that much requirement as per Hokmah's story while the agent supposed to have a great pay (being a wing and all). Hence, I think he might work for L Corp. Sydney, K Corp. - The idea was that after graduating, Sydney might follow Sirris path in science. Being the obedient child she is (as we sees on the game before they get corrupted), she probably choose to do what Sirris might do hence her as K Corp. researcher. Oh anyway, truly this is just a fyi that doesn't seems to be related to anything, I reimagined Harper as Dongrang in this scenario, with the whole Teary-Thing problem exist. Oh, lucky enough for Sydney to help producing K Ampule that definitely just as seen in the canon Limbus story. Just saying. Kylar, W Corp. - This one actually a rather fun idea. This is set with the idea that Kylar work as the Clean Up Member, with parents that's definitely unaware with how their child work but nevertheless proud with him. They'd even use WARP Train solely to be sent off by Kylar each time, much to Kylar silent dismay. If only they know what Kylar has to clean up among the 6 seconds they went into the train... Read one of the reblog tag and yeah. It has to do with Love Town. And pretty much how Kylar had to regularly assemble his parents again and again each trip they made.

LCB! SYDNEY LET'S GOOOO!!!! This idea came as I made my LCB-esque ID Card for Sydney. The idea of LCB Sydney's background was that it's pretty much what happened in the game, but make it The City-esque and seen from Sydney's eyes. It's fun imagining her as a Dieci Fixer who was caught in a complicated issue which she rather dip out from as she hasn't fully grow the backbone to face it yet. Oh right, in this AU I reimagined Ivory as Abnormality and both Sydney and Kylar got their EGO. Sydney got their Longing Phase EGO (HE, Gloom) while Kylar got the Haunting Phase EGO (WAW, Wrath). I actually had a draft of how the EGO works and its gimmick but let's talk it later on lol

When Yield My Flesh event is up on Limbus, my head doing the funny by thinking, "Damn... Jun Wren sounds cool..." then I remember Tingtang exist like jfgdjfgbjd HE FITS BETTER AS TINGTANG WHY DIDN'T I THINK ABOUT IT ON A SIDE NOTE, I also had the thought on how Bailey MIGHT kills it as either a Kurokumo or a Middle. After all, Middle never forget... Just like how Bailey never forget your rent LOL

And last but not least: Sydney and Robin as L Corp. Agent! Robin will be a high Temperance agent which work for Safety Team, while Sydney is the high Fortitude, high Prudence Disciplinary Team Captain. Oh, if you do notice: I made Sydney's cross looks like Penitence EGO Weapon. It's actually based of this idea of how One Sin and WhiteNight's dynamic thematically fits Sydney the Faithful and Sydney the Fallen. The name of both Abnos' EGO Set-- "Penitence" and "Paradise Lost" respectively, both fits the image of each Sydneys. Hence, I draw them in both EGO Sets!

[bts-hyperfixation]

Finding Solace in Uniform

A hoseok X reader fanfiction

Summer Madness 6/10 Chapter 1 of 3 or 4. Hoseok has been struggling with adjusting to military life. Foreign soldier Y/N takes pity on the poor guy and tries to help him out. Slow burn, strangers to lover, military life

You watched as the pathetic-looking recruit pushed his food around his plate for the hundredth time. His food had turned into mush more than substance with all the mixing he had done. Someone across from you was talking but none of it was going in. You were more concerned about the look in this man's eyes. He looked haunted, his tired eyes fixated on the table as his leg vibrated under the table. 

Others in the room seemed to be avoiding him and you couldn't quite work out why. He seemed friendly, offering a smile to those around him, and he had a few friends from his trainee days that you saw him around the base with on occasion, but he seemed to be receding in on himself.

"Would you stop looking at him, you're going to get in trouble." Your bunkmate, Alyssa, scolded. 

"What? Why?" You asked.

"What do you mean why? You know we aren't supposed to treat the idols that end up here any differently." She says as if it's obvious. 

You glance back at the man, more subtle this time. You would never have put money on him being an idol. Sure he is handsome, but he doesn't have the same spark the other idols you've met seem to have had. 

"Is he from a group? Or a solo artist?" You ask, interest piqued.

Alyssa just rolls her eyes, shaking her head in disbelief.  You notice a few others at your table have also begun to resemble goldfish as they tune into your conversation.

"I'm not sure I want to humour you with an answer to that." Alyssa scoffs. "But I will if only to keep you out of trouble. That's Jung Hoseok, or,  J-Hope of BTS, the biggest K-pop group on the planet, also known as the group that makes up most of the South Korean economy. It's a travesty you've ended up posted here without knowing that"

"Right, okay, so big deal then. Got it." 

You give her a somewhat sarcastic thumbs up, it seems as though she might be being a tad dramatic. Of course, you've heard of BTS, you lived on an Army base, not under a rock, you just never bothered looking that deep into them. Then the conversation begins to shift into who is and isn't on duty for the next shift, and you keep eating your meal, checking out 'J-Hope' from the corner of your eye every so often. 

____________

Three days later and your lunch times align again. You haven't been able to get the defeated look in his eyes out of your brain since. You collect your tray and glance between where Alyssa is sitting waving at you, and where Hoseok is sitting, the space across from him free. 

You decide to just go for it, plopping yourself down across from the idol. 

He seems briefly surprised by your appearance, but he doesn't mention it. He just smiles politely and shuffles a little uncomfortably before turning his attention back to his meal. 

"Hello, I'm Y/N." You introduce yourself.

You can see a fair few people watching you curiously. It seems ridiculous, you know you aren't the first person to have talked to him, and you certainly wouldn't be the last. But some people on the base were very wary of mixing foreigners and Korean personnel. For a foreign woman to approach an idol would seem ludicrous to some. But you couldn't watch him clearly declining for the next year of his mandatory service. 

He swallows a bite of food and eyes you up and down. Now it's your turn to shuffle uncomfortably. Normally you are a very confident person, but it was starting to feel like maybe you should've left well enough alone. 

"I'm Hoseok." He finally responds. 

He places his chopsticks down and extends his hand towards you to shake. You take it gladly and he seems to relax a little. 

"How are you finding military life?" You ask, getting straight to the point.

"It's different, very different...I guess it's just very new to me" He responds.

"You get used to the restrictions after a few months, you've just gotta roll with it. Eventually, everything becomes second nature." You shrug.

You stab your chopstick into a piece of meat you'd originally been chasing around the tray. He stifles a laugh at your ineptness with chopsticks and it eases you into a friendly silence for a while as you eat. It doesn't take you long to both finish your meals and part ways. 

The next day he joins you at your table when he walks in. You're all a little surprised when he walks up, having to jab Alyssa in the ribs to get her to close her mouth. You make room for him next to you and again you eat in a comfortable silence. However, this time when he finishes his meal he turns to you to speak.

"How long have you been on base?"

"I've been here for around two years now I think." You answer, mentally totalling the months. 

"Do you like it?" 

"Most of the time yeah." You shrug.

His eyebrows knit together like he is thinking hard about something but then without really saying much else he excuses himself and returns to his duty. 

Your friends all give you questioning looks when he is out of sight but you're just as confused as they are by the entire interaction. You tidy up your cutlery and make your own way back to your post to finish out the day, thankful for the upcoming weekend. You had planned a hotel weekend to get some time to yourself outside of the bunks. 

Of course, the day dragged on as you thought more and more about the free time coming your way. Others asked about your plans as you asked about theirs out of politeness, You all knew you were all doing as little as possible this weekend after a long stint on duty. The most you were likely to do was roll out of bed to go to KBBQ and then roll back again. 

Your stuff is already packed and waiting for you hidden under your bunk to maintain the uniformity of your bed. 

You sign out of the barracks at 18:00 hours and breath a sigh of release as your kakao taxi pulls up to whisk you away to your wonderful solitude. 

_________

You lie within the fluffy white sheets, losing yourself between the pillows as you flip through channels aimlessly. You scroll through your social media channels and connect with family for a little while. Eventually, your stomach groans in protest, and you relent to having to drag yourself out of the soft bed at nearly midnight to run and fetch food from the corner store. 

For a couple of minutes, you search for your headphones in the bottom of your backpack, strewing all of the items you packed across the chair and desk. You told yourself you'd tidy up when you came back, but even then you knew it was a lie. Triumphantly, you find the earbuds tucked away in a bottom corner and finally head outside. 

Luckily the corner store is less than a five-minute walk down the road. There was a small shop in the hotel itself but they only seemed to have snacks and you fancied something more filling.

You purchase ramen, ttokbokei, and a drink from the bored-looking kid behind the register. And set your things down on the bar across the window. Your headphones are blaring music in your ears and you dance around heating up your ramen and pouring your drink over ice. Eventually, you turn back around to go and sit down to eat your meal, only to find someone had set up shop next to you. 

You slide awkwardly into your seat, hoping the stranger hadn't watched you lipsync into your straw. In your defense it was well after midnight, you should've been alone. You glance at the man, trying to gauge whether or not he had seen you, only to lock eyes with Hoseok. 

He has a baseball cap pulled low over his face, and a black face mask hangs around his chin - A staple look for an idol in disguise. 

"Hello Y/N." He says, smiling cheerfully. "I saw you walk in, I hope I'm not bothering you."

You slide your earphones out of your ears and put them away. 

"I didn't think I'd see anyone from the base out here." You comment.

You had chosen a place you knew people rarely visited on their weekends for the best chance at maximum privacy. However, you find yourself not minding Hoseok's sudden appearance. Perhaps you get the chance to satiate the bizarre curiosity the man inspired in you.

"I like this side of town... it's quiet." He shrugs.

"Yeah, me too."

You offer him some of your rice cake and he passes you part of the bread snack he had purchased. Once more you find yourselves eating together in peaceful camaraderie. 

When the food is gone neither of you moves to leave. So you decide to try and get a better read on the man 

"Is base life getting any easier?" 

He thinks about it for a moment before he responds. 

"I'm not sure I'm ever going to adjust fully. It's vastly different to idol life. I guess I miss performing." it feels like he cuts himself off.

It's not surprising that he might not want to go into detail with a near stranger. You can't even begin to empathise with the things he is going through, but you do find yourself wanting to help him somehow. 

"It must be quite a big switch from stadium tours to military barracks... That's got to be hard regime change" 

"If anything the training for military life was a lot less strenuous." He laughs  "At least I knew what to expect each day, and the creative energy is minimal."

You're about to press a little further when he suddenly jumps up like the chair bit him. 

"Oh shi..." He groans.

He pulls the mask over his nose and grabs your hand, yanking you into the aisles of the minimart. You look at him like he has gone insane just as the bell on the door chimes. You glance over the stacks to see a woman with a camera in her hands searching around the premises. Catching on to the fact Hoseok was clearly hoping to avoid being caught in public you slip your hand away from his and walk towards the woman.

You 'accidentally' block her way around the store a few times, allowing Hoseok the time to escape through the front door. You can see him opening the door carefully out of the corner of your eye, only to be betrayed by the bell as he rushes out. You successfully counter the girl's movements twice more until she gets exasperated and just moves you out of the way. You hope it's enough that Hoseok has managed to disappear.

The girl walks outside of the corner store and glances all around, clearly grumbling to herself when she comes up empty.

You smile to yourself, a little bit proud to have helped him evade whoever that was. 

You tidy up the mess the pair of you had left in your haste and then set about walking back to the hotel for a good night's rest.

You don't get very far before you are pulled into an alleyway. Immediately your hands fly up to attack whoever had grabbed you, just to be met once again with Hoseok (Admittedly this time he is less smiley and more terrified of the way your fists are raised). He backs away with his hands up and you lower yours sheepishly.

"Sorry... I think she was Dispatch." He explains

"They are paparazzi right?" 

"Yeah, they are. They are always everywhere." He shakes his head frustrated. "That's something I really don't miss when I'm on base... Did you see where she went?"

"She headed down the street across from the store."

"Wonderful." He sighs sarcastically. "That's where I parked."

"Ah, not good. Do you have any other way to get to where you are staying?" 

"No, no I do not."

"Guess you're coming with me then" You shrug. 

You begin to lead the way out of the alley, looking both ways to ensure the photographer has in fact gone. You get a couple of metres down the street before you realise Hoseok is not following. 

You retrace your steps to find him standing in the same spot looking a little shellshocked. 

"Are you planning to stay here all night?" You raise an eyebrow at him. 

He stammers a little, looking more flustered than you thought possible. It is then it occurs to you that you just invited a near stranger into your bedroom in the middle of the night. Something that is odd in your own country, let alone in Korea.

"To hide from the photographer... My hotel is literally around the corner. Nothing nefarious, I promise." You hold your hands up in surrender.

"Right," He clears his throat. "Of course, I knew that."

He fiddles with his mask, not so subtly checking the heat in the tips of his ears. Luckily for him, it's too dark for you to see how pink they've become.

This time he follows you, hanging back a little as you check around for anyone else hiding nearby. By the time you reach the lobby of the hotel, it seems he has become more comfortable with hanging out alone with you. You slide him a key as subtly as possible so you don't have to walk up together and risk being caught, then you hang back and purchase some snacks from the little store in the back of the lobby.

He is standing awkwardly in the middle of the room waiting for you when you enter. 

"Did you not want to make yourself comfy?" 

"The only option is the bed..." He points out.

You glance at the desk chair that is covered in all the stuff you'd pulled out of your backpack earlier. You scan the visible items, suddenly exceedingly glad your change of underwear was buried beneath somewhere. 

"Then sit on the bed... It's big enough for us both to sit with your modesty completely intact if that's what you are worried about." You joke, hoping it'll lighten the weird heavy atmosphere that had descended upon you both.

Thankfully, he seemed fine with the idea. He slid off his shoes and jumped onto the less rumpled-looking side of the bed. You throw the snacks towards him and join him on the opposite side. 

"Wanna watch TV?" You ask handing him the remote. 

He flicks to some superhero movie and opens a bag of snacks offering the first one to you. As the movie drones on and you both get a little bored he starts to ask you questions. 

You tell him all about your experience in the military so far: how it had been difficult to uproot your life, especially being older than most when they first leave home, how you miss your family, how it was one of the most eye-opening and wonderful experiences of your life (Even if it was also exceptionally shit at times.)

You asked him questions in return and he really started to open up.

He talked about his bandmates and how he missed them. How sleeping in the bunks was actually weirdly comfortable to him, reminding him of early idoldom. He also shared some insecurities, like wondering if his fame would wait for him and what it means if he doesn't exactly miss all of the aspects of it. Turns out he is quite a private person and being without cameras for the first time in ten years had really given him time to breathe.

Turns out that talking to an almost complete stranger in the early hours of the morning had both of you opening up more than you probably should've done. Still, you could tell he was holding back, a youth spent not knowing who to trust would probably do that to a person. His eyes were still filled with that lost expression, but he looked a little lighter for having talked about it. 

It's four AM by the time either of you suggests checking to see if the reporters are gone. Though neither of you actually moves to do so. He watches the credits roll on a movie you guys definitely didn't see a single scene of. You watch him. 

His eyebrows knit together, the way you've learnt they have when he is considering his options. 

"I don't think they will have gone." He admits. 

"We could see if there is another room available here?" You suggest.

He nods and picks up the phone from the bedside table. It's a brief conversation spoken in Korean a little too quickly for you to fully grasp but the consensus seems to be there's no room until after 11 am. 

Hoseok sighs defeated and begins to get up.

"Guess I'll just have to risk it." 

"Or you could stay? Isn't it going to be more suspicious to see you randomly leaving a hotel at this time in the morning than it would to leave at a reasonable hour?" You reason.

He grumbles and sits back down, running his hands down his face. 

"I don't want to interrupt your chance for alone time... And the fact that I'm already here is bad enough."

"But you're already here so you can't make it worse." you point out.

He smirks a little at that, knowing you're right. 

"Fine, I'll take the floor."

He picks up a pillow and dumps it unceremoniously at the foot of the bed. 

"Don't be stupid that can't be comfy..." You say

You take one of the other pillows you don't need and lay it down in the centre of the large bed.

"Look now there's a wall, might as well be two twin beds." You smile smugly.

He shakes his head but he is smiling and doesn't fight you. He grabs the other pillow back, adds it to yours in the middle and lies down on the bed. 

"Good night Hobi." You say testing the nickname.

"Good night Y/N-ah" He says turning out the light.

Ask Box - Please send me thirsty/funny/angsty bts thoughts

Masterlist

Summer Madness Masterlist

[chaoscheebs]

Notes for a fic idea I will probably never write:

AU where Seto (Mokuba naturally goes with him, cannot separate the bros) ends up raised by Sugoroku and Yugi ends up raised by Gozaburo.

So, the gist of this idea that my half-asleep mind spawned is, apparently Sugoroku knew Seto’s parents somehow in this AU?  And he is  f u c k i n g  L I V I D  when he hears what happens to them and that the other relatives are about to dump their poor kids in an orphanage after taking their money, so he just sort of... takes them in himself, fuck those shitty relatives.

Meanwhile, Yugi is still, technically,  Sugoroku’s grandkid!  ... that Sugoroku has no idea about, because his son’s fuckin’ around and Yugi’s mom was a conquest he ditched.  After she dies for whatever reason, it’s Yugi that ends up in the orphanage here.  And, well, Yugi’s smart himself, and has a bit of an underlying mean streak that could be useful in business if properly utilized, so...

As you can imagine, the boys turn out kind of wildly different?  Seto is still... not necessarily great at emotions, that is just not happening?  But he’s also a hell of a lot happier and a bit more willing to reach out to others.  Mokuba still has Big Feral Gremlin Energy(tm), but is generally nicer about it?  And is also a lot happier, with actual friends and stuff and not the head of a feral child gang.

Yugi, conversely, becomes one hell of an actor.  He knows using the sweet interior he’s tried guarding for years as a mask will charm/manipulate most people and will use it to the fullest.  He’s also...  very, very more in touch with that mean streak, the one who will look at someone who fucked with him and goes “I am about to ruin this person’s entire life, short as it is.”  And.  He can and will.  Just ask Gozaburo.  If he was still alive, that is.

See, he comes across a very special program, which is the actual mind/soul(?) impression of a certain child that was supposed to be the heir, and Yugi does what Yugi does best: charms him, befriends him, sees him as a useful tool.  And then kinda...  team up to metaphorically (and also kinda literally) haunt Gozaburo’s ass until he jumps out the damn window anyway.  Also oh guess what, little big brother and another special guest (Yugi’s Lone OG Friend(tm) Anzu) kiiiiiiiiinda helped Yugi take over the company too.  \8D/

Yugi, being the lone character actually normal about card games, doesn’t go fully Willy Wonka about them, despite absolutely still turning KaibaCorp into a game-related company too because fuck the war machine and especially fuck Gozaburo’s legacy, doesn’t actually get into a dust-up with Seto!  In fact, he kinda has an awkward crush on him after playing some Duel Monsters with him.

But.  Um.  Being raised by one of the Kings of Shitty Dads means Yugi, bless his heart, is even more awkward about making actual, genuine friends and has even worse self-esteem than OG Yugi, especially since he’s damned well aware that the manipulation tactics and that cruel streak he used to survive are not really useful for making close relationships.  Also, in his mind, make him a bad person and no one wants to be around a bad person he doesn’t deserve friends why even try.

So it probably takes until Duelist Kingdom for him and Seto to... actually really interact and by then Yugi is in a blind panic because, since Mokuba isn’t getting kidnapped here, he’s freaking out about Anzu being in danger, and...  Well, while Yugi isn’t one to go jumping off of castles, he has his own fun self-destructive habits to contend with when he thinks he’s failed her!  \8D/;;;;;;;;;;

(What’s under the chunky wrist cuffs he wears?  It’s probably exactly what you expect.)

So yeah, this is what I end up coming up with when that role-swap picture I saw months ago still lives rent-free in my head and I’m half-asleep.

ETA: also the whole Solid Light Duel Monsters tech happens because Yugi is a smart rich kid with crazy tech at his fingertips with a crush and wants to impress his very not normal about card games crush.

ETA 2: Also penguin guy gets to stay on the board of directors because Yugi enjoys cute things and thus is more willing to compromise with him on the penguin thing.

[dogmomwrites]

Find the Words!

This one's actually from this month! 😂 Thanks for the tag, @k--havok! I'll be passing it along with soft tags to @writingpotato07, @mercurialsmile, @theglitchywriterboi, and @smol-feralgremlin, as well as an open tag for anyone else who wants to join!

Your words will be cliff, forward, friend, fail, and blush. If you can't find one, leave a fun fact about your WIP, OCs, or writing process!

My words were face, music, hurt, very, and enough. These excerpts were taken from book 4 of my Castle series, which I hope will start cooperating soon

Face Aero’s voice came from behind them as the rest of the group followed their assigned leaders. “If I die here because of you two, I will not be happy about it.”

“You could come back as a ghost,” Nuka said, then suddenly turned to walk backwards, his face excited. “We could all come back as ghosts! And we’d haunt these dragons for killing us!”

“Do not try to get us killed,” Aero protested.

Music While it was still in the air, they could see the gold dragon’s wings were connected to its body all the way down to the base of its tail, and in place of horns and spikes along its jaws, there were two wide plates of covered bone that spread out from either side of its face and curved at each sharp tip to resemble the blades of a double-sided battleaxe.

It was easily the most eye-catching of the dragons, its shining scales almost blinding in the sunlight, its expansive wings rippling like waves in an ocean of molten gold. It landed with less of a bone-jarring shudder as its companion, aureate claws digging into the dirt but without throwing any like the red dragon had.

It looked down at the humans and let out a puff of smoke. The valley had grown quiet enough that they could hear the click of tiny scales when it blinked. “Well,” it said in an unexpectedly musical voice. There was clear amusement in its tone as well.  “This is a bit awkward for you to explain, Risskora-aiyin.”

The smaller red dragon let out a growl.

Hurt “Caleb.” Neal tried to school his voice into a more patient and reasonable tone. “I can see how much pain you’re in. If you try to go through with this, you’re going to hurt yourself. You’ll rip your stitches. You’ll start bleeding again. If there are no doctors around to sew you back together, you’ll set all your healing back to square one—or worse. There’s nothing in here to fix anything you do to yourself.”

“Are you done?”

He huffed. “Yeah, I guess.”

“Good. Now can you shut up and let me work?”

Very“Are they related to Hank Whitethorn?”

“One of Captain Nightwish’s soldiers?” he asked in surprise. Before Raavi had a chance to respond, he said, “No, no, hold on. I said I’d let you wait. So I’ll wait. I’m not even going to ask about the bandages on your arm. Nope. I’m just going to wait. And not ask. Even though I’m very curious and very concerned—as any dutiful, loving father would be—I’m not going to ask. I’m simply going to wait. Yes. With great patience.”

“I got bit by a dragon,” Raavi said.

A stunned silence. Then, “What?”

Enough To his credit, Russav didn’t flinch despite not having prepared himself. He covered up that he hadn’t expected Pipkin, and replaced the startled expression with a more casual and friendly one. “Comfortable?” he asked.

“Well enough,” Pipkin said after taking a short moment to settle down on his perch. His long purple tail hung down over Russav’s shoulder and halfway down his back. “Although I wouldn’t be adverse to a little seat being attached. It could easily be harnessed to your shoulders.”

That made him pause mid-step, and he looked to see Pipkin was staring straight ahead. “Are you wanting to saddle me?”

Without turning to him, Pipkin drew his lip up in a human grin.

Russav looked past him to Raavi, who was fighting his own grin. He couldn’t decide if they’d planned the joke or not. “We’ll consider it,” he said, then continued down the hall.

The last thing the council heard before the door closed was Russav Fangsong making horse noises as he walked away with his son.

[lesvegas]

ritchie’s🎃💀 ABCs of Horror Movie Marathon!! 💀🎃

Horror movie challenge prompted by @quintsmachete

Day Eleven - K is for Kamen Rider Kiva (2008)

Alright look, I could not find a single K movie that I actually wanted to sit down and watch. My partner and I have been on a Kamen Rider kick lately and when he suggested watching three episodes of this to match the length of a movie I figured sure, fuck it, why not, at least I know for sure it'll be fun. And while it may not be a movie, it DOES have horror themes in the way of vampires and classic monsters. Also,

It counts. To me.

For context, I've only started to see the original 1971 series and the most recent 2024 series, so this served as a nice sort of latter half in between the two. The effects didn't feel that much more dated than the latest series, but the writing was a little confusing at times compared to the others' more straight-forward styles, and it's not always easy to follow what's going on with so many characters in two different timelines. Then again, there's probably only so much a viewer is expected to understand after just the first three episodes. I guess you could say it's more 'advanced'; I wouldn't be surprised if the target audience was slightly older than usual, and not just for the themes.

I could talk about how it stacks up as a Tokusatsu with my very limited experience enjoying the genre, but I think it makes more sense to talk about the horror elements. I haven't seen enough Tokusatsu to feel confident enough to comment on that and honestly it seems like a perfectly good Tokusatsu show. The baddies are stained glass-themed vampires (there's a LOT of stained glass and general gothic motifs here), the Rider himself is a vampire that lives in a 'haunted house', the overall aesthetic isn't quite as cute as other Kamen Rider shows (I mean, I find it cute, but it's very clearly going for Halloween-style if that makes any sense), and the plots are a bit darker than usual. I think I'd have to see more to really elaborate, but so far it feels like a solid foundation for an edgier Tokusatsu.

I don't really have much else to say other than I can't wait to watch more. Unfortunately, I'm still in the middle of two series at once, and we plan on watching the shows chronologically, so it'll probably be a while before I actually check out the rest. Also, while I can't really explain it, something about these first few episodes gave me a Revolutionary Girl Utena vibe. Do with that what you will.

Right now, until I see more, this gets 3 motorcycles outta 5 from me 🏍️🏍️🏍️🗌 🗌

[corrupttheconscience]

Cthulhu Mythos science experiment, where i tell you about a member of the Cthulhu Mythos then sleep with their symbol under my pillow for a night and tell you how i slept in the morning, night 2: Nodens

ok so tonight we are doing Nodens, who is actually Celtic and incorporated into the Mythos by Lovecraft. He is an elder god, thinking we will do most of those first. Nodens is a benevolent god who lives in the dreamlands. His name seems to mostly mean mist and aquire. He seems to be pretty chill overall and in Lovecraft’s stories he helps travelers. Again we will be using this bestiary for the symbol.

and hereee is my drawing.

(hopefully) ((most likely)) see you tommorow!

[elifalvey]

The fifth year anniversary of the accident that had changed Amethyst’s life was merely looming over Elijah’s head, meaning that it was only a matter of time before the usual deprecating thoughts started to seep through the cracks of his personal defenses. It had always happened around this time, when June inched closer and closer on the calendar and memories of Harrison, happy and smiling and alive, managed to occupy a larger space in his mind than they did in the colder months. He always did his best to drown them out, in previous years, throwing more things on his plate to distract himself from the ‘what if’s that would haunt him in his sleep; what if they never added that extra show, what if the van had gotten stuck in traffic, what if they’d just switch seats.

It was undoubtedly exhausting going through such a routine each year, knowing that he would be stuck with this mental plague for the rest of his life. However, selfishly, with the addition of Rhiannon, he thought that he’d be able to avoid the pattern this year. He had his little girl to focus on instead, who didn’t deserve an absentminded and distracted father, period. Clearly the universe — Roman and Kaya, more specifically — had other plans, reemerging in Providence Peak to lead the spiral in a completely different direction: what if he had just stayed.

He never allowed himself to go down that particular train of thought before, believing that if he was confident enough in his decision to leave, then all of the nasty aftermath of such wouldn’t hurt him; he could block them all out of his life, ignore every stupid internet article about theirs, and heal. It was why he was so headstrong when confronting both of his bandmates, refusing to climb out of the hole he’d dug for himself as he continued to burrow further and further down. He couldn’t handle the possibility that the choice he’d made was a bad one, that perhaps Roman was right and he was cruel, that perhaps Kaya was right and Harrison would hate him for it. That regardless of what was said, he’d never really know.

In the comfort of his own home, his ideology started to crumble. Both of their voices rang out so clearly in the front of his mind that he found himself scoffing at Aslihan’s attempt at comfort, to absolutely no fault of her own. In any other circumstances, there was a chance that her words would mean something, despite the fact that she’d never met the man who caused all of this. Unfortunately, it was simply ironic now. No, he could hate me. No, he never loved me. What I’ve done could have changed everything. Please, just hear me out . . . don't hate me, too.

He shook his head.

“I . . . I saw my bandmates. Um — K-Kaya today, and Roman . . . a few months ago.” He rubbed the back of his neck, the sweat from his palm leaving a rather cool sensation. His voice was trembling. “I haven’t really, uh . . . mentioned them before. We — um. Didn’t really leave off on good terms?” His chuckle was dry as he tried to navigate through what he needed to say. His eyes were still lowered, purposefully avoiding her gaze on the off chance that he’d find disappointment there too; he wouldn’t be surprised, if that were the case. “The last I saw them, it was . . . uh, after . . . everything, I guess. A few years ago. I —” He winced. “I just needed to get out. The weight of it all felt like it was crushing me and the only thing that I could think to do was leave —” he spoke quickly, despite the uncertainty still lining his tone. “But they . . . um. Don’t . . . see it, y’know, the same way. They kept saying that I abandoned them. They don’t understand.”

He expelled a sigh. “I can’t make them understand. Losing him — Harry — it was hard, for - for all of us, but I —” Swallowing thickly, he finally looked up. “I loved him. I . . . loved him. I - I - I spent years, decades, loving him, wanting him, wishing more than anything to just —” Tears had begun to well in his eyes again and he clenched his fist. “I don’t know.” It came out dejected, in a whisper, like it all didn’t matter now. He supposed it didn’t.

“I never told anybody. Especially not them . . . Roman is just, Roman — and Kaya, she . . . or, they, y’know. It was complicated.” Complicated being the best term to describe the all-encompassing whirlwind that was her relationship with Harrison. There was a long pause. “It doesn’t matter now. They won’t — I can’t,” he settled on. “He called me cruel. She said that he’d hate me. Maybe they’re both right.”

( @draslihanxfahri-bailey )

Aslihan has never been able to handle seeing Elijah cry. To see him so upset and such agonizing pain that the only way to express it, to release it all, was for him to cry. For the anthropologist, it broke her heart. It has always been one of the most agonizing, most horrible things she's ever witness. Though, part of that must've come from the fact that the man has always tried to appear so strong in front of her. That he was unshakeable and capable of handling anything. While there was a part of her that appreciated him sharing his vulnerability with her, it was a double-edged sword. Though, at this point, they've learned to lean on each other more. To allow each other to see the parts of them that others don't witness.

After a little over a year and a half of being in a relationship, along with three and a half years of being friends, and now nearly ten months of being parents together, they've seen parts of each other that no one else have. Understood each other in such an unbreakable way, bonded to each other for the rest of their lives and impacted each other's hearts in ways that no one else could. So, perhaps she has become emboldened in the belief that there was nothing that Eli could say or do that would surprise her completely.

Her dark curls moved as she shook her head. "You have nothing to apologize for," she whispered. Moving one of her hands to brush some of his hair away from his forehead so that she could lean in and kiss it. "They're just cigarettes, love. And we can put everything back together the way they were before. Or maybe even do something new; It's time for a refresh, huh? We can work on it together. It's okay."

If the curator could look back on this moment, she'd laugh sadly at her own naivete. How it'd been more than some silly cigarettes or a big mess that needed to be cleaned up. No, it was so much more. Though, perhaps she could argue that during that time, she truly believed that she knew everything about the man she called her partner. That if anyone would to ask her a question about Eli, that she'd be able to answer it honestly without needing to take a beat to think about what the answer could be. That she knew him in and out the same way she did.

After all: the woman hadn't realized how wrong she'd been. Or that there was still some things that she hadn't known about the man who captured her heart.

As she sat there, her fingers caressing him while she tried to comfort him with soothing words, she'd been certain that they could work this out together. The same way they've worked out other things together in the past. She'd been certain that this was going to be okay and that they'd be able to work things out, then be back to going about their life together as before. That maybe, just maybe, she'd be able to go back to thinking about their future together without any fear.

How naive she believe she was, once looking back to this moment.

"What?" Her brows furrowed, pulling back slightly as she got a look of her partner. How could anyone ever hate him? That felt impossible. Before she could even ask, he clarified who he was talking about. And her heart fell. "Oh, my love... No." Asli shook her head before she pulled him back in for a hug, sighing softly. "No, no, no. He could never hate you; He loved you. He loved you with all his heart. There's nothing you could've ever said or done that could've change that. Why do you believe that? Did something happen? Do you really miss him today?" ||📜@elifalvey

[becca-e-barnes]

i've had a thot,,,

ps!bucky forcing innocent!reader to read the chat during a live stream all while he's pounding into her

the chats just filled with all these suggestions and they're all so filthy. with a chocked little sob she reads "'you should knock her up, sweet girl would look so pretty stuffed full with a baby,'" and i-

- duck anon

This one has truly HAUNTED me since the day I first read it, let’s go back to talking about this 🤤

❤️ PS!Bucky Masterlist Here!! ❤️

And just the thought of Bucky with one huge hand on either side of your waist, holding your hips still while he ruts into you. It feels so good he has to stop every now and again, fucking you deep and slow because the feeling of your tight pussy paired with the filth that comes from your lips will make him cum far faster than he wants to.

You’re facing the camera, the laptop set neatly underneath so everyone can watch your face as you get fucked, your pleasure is so evident with each stroke, you look like you’ve been right on the edge of cumming for far too long.

“Go on princess, tell me what they’re saying. Should I make you cum? Or should I keep edging this sweet cunt. Read the comments for me, sweetheart.” He sounds so soft and gentle but it’s such a contrast to how he’s fucking you. This sex is filthy. You have his cock so slick, it’s almost slipping out of you each time he pulls back but he never expected the kind of filth you were about to whisper.

“They w-want you to cum in me. K-keep me in bed all day and use me. C-cum on my cunt and then fuck the mess into me.” The words are so graphic they send a shiver up your spine and Bucky’s decided that if you can still manage a sentence like that, he needs to go a bit harder

“They wanna see me cum in you, baby? They know you’re not on birth control, right? And by how wet and messy you’ve been recently I’d say this is probably the riskiest time for me to blow a load in you. Could end up putting a baby in your belly.” He’s trying so hard not to cum, stopping every now and again so he can draw it out.

And as soon as he mentions that you’re not on birth control, the chat is flooded with people demanding Bucky fills you up and makes you a mommy.

“F-fuck Bucky. Th-they want me stuffed full. They want me all round and heavy with your baby. S-said I’d look so good with your baby in my belly.” You sob, listening to Bucky groan, knowing he can’t edge himself for much longer.

“If that’s what they wanna see, guess we gotta give it to them, huh? Gonna fill this pretty cunt to the brim and keep you stuffed until your tummy starts to swell. Hold still, sweetheart, ‘m gonna make you a mommy.” He pants out before pressing so deep inside you, cumming with a broken groan.

The feeling of his cum shooting against your cervix makes your eyes roll back, the camera catching every little gasp and whimper you let out.

And after he finishes Bucky turns you around, showing of your messy pussy to thousands of people, letting them admire how his cum is so deep inside you it doesn’t even drip out.

[samandcolbyfan]

Colby x ghost reader

Sam and Colby decided to come back to the suicide bridge but this time it was just the two of them. Which might be the worst decision ever. When they get under the bridge and pull out the ouija board, you get curious and float to them. Taking a good look at both you have to admit they're both cute and handsome.

You died here not long ago, if you had to guess it would be a month, maybe two. The blonde puts the pointer to hello and asks the first question.

"Hello, is someone here with us?"

You guide their hands to yes.

"Do you want to talk to us?" Asked the brunette.

Once again you move it to yes. They talked to you like this for a decent amount of time. Getting your name and how you died. You couldn't help yourself and when said goodbye you stayed attached to the one you learned was named Colby.

You followed them everywhere they went. To every haunted location. Eventually they caught on and always asked if you specifically were there with them, the answer was always yes. Until the rerun to the conjuring house, you were there but due to the power of the demon you couldn't contact them.

When they split up and Colby stayed alone in the basement you tried so hard to let him know you're there. You saw and felt how terrified he was. As he planted the devices and sat down on the ground, hugging his knees you sat down next to him, touching his shoulder and he flinched, looking your way. He couldn't see you and yet he stared right at you.

"Who? Who's there?" His voice was shaking, just like his whole body was.

You touched his hand, gently rubbing it and taking it to your own. That was something you do each time you speak to them. Taking his hand as a signal it's really you talking to them.

He looked at his hand and back at you with a small smile.

"Y/n? Are you here with me? Are you holding my hand?"

You made the k-2 he had in his other hand go to red, telling him that you were. He let out a relieved laugh.

"I missed you, thank you that I'm not alone here."

You stayed by him, keeping him safe and even when they left, he tried the k-2 on himself and saw it spike. He had a smile on his face the whole way home. He never once thought he would be happy to have a ghost attached to him. But he was happy that you were with him, every step he took...

I wasn't expecting such success with this but I'm glad you guys like it. Requests welcomed.❤️

[pedrito-friskito]

nightmares and frank (his and/or yours) - 🐠

ok ok ok o k nonnie I couldn’t pick one so I picked both

this turned into more of a headcanon type thing I guess but ENJOY

🔥friday night fever!🔥

his: it wrenches him out of sleep like a glass of ice water being dropped on his face. he startles upright, gasping and heaving breaths, immediately unsure of where he is, when he is, what’s going on. the nightmares are vivid as all hell, making him feel like he’s back in the war zone, back to when his wife and kids were still alive, watching them be ripped away from him over and over again. he’s haunted, in a way, unable to shake the feelings, carrying around the emotions all day like a second and third skin. it makes him build up walls, makes him scared to get any shut-eye, makes him wary to get close to anyone ever again. “frank, baby, wake up. you’re okay. it’s just a nightmare.” but then there’s you. in the darkness, his eyes land on you, your rousing figure beside him, voice drenched in sleep, and your hands reaching for him. he hates to wake you, hates to disturb you any more than he already has, but you brush off his mumbled apologies and open your arms further. you guide him to lay on your chest, letting the steady thump of your heart give him some sense of security. it’s wild to him, how quickly you waltzed into his life and turned everything upside down, but there’s more to it, he knows from the start, because no one’s been able to soothe him like you do. to tame the angry beast that rears up in his chest day in and day out, to remind him that he’s just a man who loves a woman and at the end of the day, that’s enough. more than enough. so he lets you pull him close, eyes fluttering shut when you drag your fingers through his hair, nails along his scalp, and lets himself slowly sink back into sleep. and as time goes on, the nightmares become less and less, not bothering to wake him any longer, because you’re always there to chase them off.

yours: you’re much quieter about it than he is. it takes him a long time to notice that you’re plagued with night terrors possibly worse than his own. he has his good nights, and so do you, but they don’t always coincide. the first night he wakes to find the bed empty, your side of the mattress still warm from your body heat, the blankets haphazardly kicked back and light emanating down the hall, he’s worried. did he wake you? was he yelling in his sleep again? unsure, he slides from the bed, rubbing the sleep from his eyes as he shuffles down the hallway. he finds you in the kitchen, standing at the island, nursing a cup of chamomile and chewing your lip. your eyes are bloodshot, tear streaks down your face, and frank’s heart aches, rounding the island immediately and coming to stand beside you. “can I touch you?” he asks. this is new territory between the two of you, but just by looking at you, he remembers the feeling, knows there’s a possibility the last thing you want is his hands on you. but you nod and turn into his body just as he opens his arms, falling into them as he locks them around your upper body. “nightmare?” he murmurs the question, and you nod almost frantically into his shoulder, sobbing into his collar. “it’s all right, darlin’,” he keeps his voice soft, kissing your temple and your hair, moving one hand up and down your back in a slow motion. “I’m right here, ya hear me? nothin’s gonna hurt you, not while m’here.” he waits until the sobs have subsided, keeps rubbing your back while you finish your tea, talking you through it all until there are no more words left to say and your eyes have started to droop again. “c’mon, sweetheart, let’s go back to bed, yeah? only good dreams now, I promise ya.”

—————

I have a taglist! if you’d like to be tagged in future works, please fill out this form! 💕

frank castle tags: @saintmurd0ck @moonlarking @mindidjarin @freshabogados @steadyasthe-flowers @whosfrankie @ancientbeing10 @currentobsessionrabbithole @grounderprincesslookspissed @simple_lovebot @itwasthereaminuteago @Williamjzanders @maddiewinchester @winchestershiresauce @enchantingqueenkitten @lunarpenumbra @minxsblog @bluestuesday @eatommo @a-zterisk @randomwords3000 @i-simp-much @trinkets01 @greeneyedblondie44 @blkwayne @dead-pool-simp @ruhro7 @dropsofprecipitation @mrssarahpaulsooonn @hellskitchenswhore @inthehouse0fflies @shadowzena43 @arson-tm @apageinthecastle @mrsperfectlyfinee @december16-1991 @urmomdotcom5678 @m00nkn1ghts @andrewlovebot @trickstersp8 @dracosluvbot @billyhargrovesprincess @detectivecarisi-1 @idrinkcoffeeandobsess @valkyrieswife67 @tsismymother @paintlavillered

[sav1ored]

" Can't say I blame him, Maggie. You are daddy's lil' girl. Lemme tell yeh our daughters are precious to us. No matter how old, they'll always be our lil' girls and we jus' want what is best for them. So yeah, I get where your old man is comin' from- " HE UNDERSTANDS WHY HERSHEL MAY BE AGAINST THE IDEA OF HIM AND MAGGIE K-I-S-S-I-N-G and some, after all, Negan was a bit older than Maggie. It's not far off like some dirty grandpa going after some fresh young thang. But he can understand the slight age gap was enough to make her father squint his eyes in displeasure. Hell, even if Negan and Maggie were a year apart he is sure Hershel would still be scolding Maggie, and threatening the living shit outta Negan. Or murder him. 

After all, daddy's little girl, right ? 

IT SHOULD BE SOME SORT OF CODE: ' Don't go after another man's daughter while staying at his home and while he also saved your little girl. ' You'd think Negan would obey that code respectfully, but he's out for the thrill, loves BREAKING A FEW RULES even in this fucked up world surrounded by dead things lurking the streets. And hey, with all this new information given, he has discovered that Maggie has been eyeing him just as much as he has been eyeing her. It's mutual between the two TROUBLE MAKERS. No surprise these two are like magnets to each other. He chuckles to himself, and can only envision Maggie breaking the news to her dad that Negan and her are becoming an item, and it being something she wants to possibly explore. 

In a playful moment, Negan imagines being chased away with a shotgun in his mind's eye. The image only makes him chuckle. " Your old man ain't gonna like it. But I'll fight for yeh'. " Negan quickly reassures her, sending a rather flirtatious wink and a mischievous grin." Visualize this. If Daddy Hershel ain't fond of the concept, which we all know he ain't gonna like- I'll be outside your window with a boombox, holdin' it high ! Playin' it loud ! For all t' hear. And maybe then.... your old man will see how serious I am, oooor feed me to a walker, guess we'll see. " ONLY JOKING-- but shit, if he finds a boombox he might as fucking well live a little and let the two of them feel some sort of amusement out of all this crazy.

He is willing to take the risk in pursuit of love.

NEGAN CARRIES A HEAVY BURDEN ON HIS SHOULDERS, still haunted by the knowledge that he failed as a father and couldn't protect his child from the harsh realities of life. But the touch of Maggie's hand against his face brings him a sense of calmness and serenity. He leans into her touch, savoring the comfort and losing himself in the warmth of her ANGELIC EMBRACE. As he takes a deep breath, he hopes for this moment to last forever. Gradually opening his hazel eyes, he grins softly at her. " I know. I don't like thinkin' 'bout it much, but feels good to talk 'bout it y'know ? Finally lettin' out the guilt that was eating me alive. All thanks to you. " He admits that he doesn't like to think about his past mistakes, but talking to Maggie makes him feel better. It's a relief to finally release the guilt that has been eating him alive all these years. HE LOOKS AT HER WITH GRATITUDE AND AMAZEMENT, wondering if she could be an angel in disguise. " Are you a damn angel, or what ? This can't be real- you can't be real ! Pinch me, I must be dreamin'. " His charming smirk reflects a sense of relaxation rather than cockiness. 

Fuck--- can she feel the beating in his chest ? Does she feel what she does to him ? Does she understand the reason his heart beats the way it does is because of her ? And then her face is inching closer, and closer until the softness of her lips mold perfectly against his own. The breath he was holding hitches in his throat, and his arms circle around her, chest to chest, the space between them no longer exists. He's in no rush, finding that he likes having her lips on him a little too much, he might have to check himself into rehab cause he's fucking addicted to the taste of her... deep in his dirty mind he does wonder... WHAT ELSE OF HERS TASTE GOOD ? Palms pressed firm and flat on her back, they dangerously slid beneath the thin layer of her tank top, shuddering at the smoothness of her warm flesh underneath his fingertips, memorizing this moment, searing it into his brain. HE GROANS LIKE A MOODY TEEN when she breaks the kiss, but he holds back his desires, for now. Laughing with a shake of his head he lifts his shoulders lazily, offering her a shrug. " There is a lot you don't know 'bout me, Maggie Greene. But I'll have yeh' know that I'm a romantic at fucking heart. I've seen Titanic. " Negan says proudly, puffing out his chest. 

Negan loosens his hold on Maggie for a second before positioning himself at Maggie's side, draping an arm over her shoulder and leading her away from the house, towards the farm's expansive field. Negan's intentions were unclear - perhaps a leisurely stroll was in order. Regardless of where they were headed, Negan was determined to prolong their time together. As Maggie spoke, Negan nodded in agreement, HIS HEART SWELLING WITH JOY when Maggie uttered the words ' It's you and I. ' The statement felt natural, almost as if it were meant to be. Negan's face lit up with a smile as Maggie mentioned Tilly, recalling how the two of them had grown close to one another. A memory flashed through her mind of Maggie slumbering beside Tilly on the bed, prompting Negan to think ' My girls. ' He never wanted to forget them like that... so peaceful. 

" I had a feelin'... once I knew Tilly was fine, and I could relax, the second you smiled at me I fuckin' knew you were gonna be the death of me. You and I... I like that ? Hell, love it. You and I.... and Tilly. I ain't goin' anywhere yeh got it ? She's fond of you... I can tell. You don't only BRIGHTEN up the room, darlin'. It's not just my heart you're worming your way into, but hers as well. So, yeaaaah... you're pretty much stuck with us. " Pulling her closer to his side, he leans to press a kiss against her temple. " I know we've gone over the basics... from our names, our past. But I wanna know what your favorite color is ? Favorite food ? .... coffee or tea ? Mornin' person or do you prefer the night when all the sinners come out t' play ? Shit girl lemme in, let me get a good look at Maggie Greene in the flesh ! Could you tell me your dirtiest secrets, what makes those toes curl, huh ? Shit, you can ask me whatever, I'm an open book, baby. "

     𝗵𝗲  𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆  𝘄𝗮𝘀  𝘁𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗯𝗹𝗲  𝗶𝗻  𝗵𝗶𝘀  𝗼𝘄𝗻  𝘄𝗮𝘆,     the  kind  of  trouble  that  was  exciting  and  intriguing  in  its  own  way.     as  much  as  maggie  knew  that  she  should  stay  away,  keep  her  distance  and  not  let  herself  get  emotionally     𝗶𝗻𝘃𝗼𝗹𝘃𝗲𝗱     with   a  man  that  was  likely  to  break  her  heart.      but  she  had  tried  that,  tried  to  keep  her  distance  and  tried  to  not  think  about  him.     it  hadn't  worked,  negan  had  managed  to  work  his  way  into  her  head  in  the  short  time  he  had  been  here.     whilst  something  drastic  and  almost  tragic  had  brought  him  to  the  farm,  she  couldn't  imagine  her  life  without  him  being  a  part  of  it.     especially  if  he  kept  smiling  at  her  the  way  he  was,  that  teasing  tone  at  her  confession  that  had  her  shaking  her  head,  knowing  she  was  probably  a  little  pink  in  the  cheeks  at  his  teasing.

     𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗴𝗶𝗲  𝗰𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱  𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆  𝗶𝗺𝗮𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗲  𝗵𝗼𝘄  𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱  𝗶𝘁  𝗺𝘂𝘀𝘁  𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲  𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻  𝗳𝗼𝗿  𝗵𝗶𝗺,     losing  his  wife  the  way  he  did  and  having  to  continue  on  because  that  was  just  what  life  was  expecting  of  them  all  now.     it  wasn't  that  she  hadn't  lost  people  she  loves  before,  she  just  understood  more  how  tilly  must  be  feeling  having  lost  her  own  mother  when  she  was  around  the  same  tilly  was  now.     plus  the  state  of  the  world  now  just  meant  that     𝗱𝗲𝗮𝘁𝗵     was  a  much  stronger  presence  than  it  ever  had  been  before.     but  she  had  never  lost  someone  she  chose  to  fall  in  love  with  before,  she  could  only  imagine  how  hard  that  must  be  and  she  didn't  know  how  she  would  react  if  that  was  something  she  had  to  do.     she  just  had  to  hope  that  it  was  something  she     𝗻𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿     had  to  find  out.     she  could  only  give  him  his  space  to  grieve,  which  is  why  she  didn't  want  to  just  be  a  distraction,  she  had  to  protect  herself  first  and  just  trust  that  this  was  just  as  real  for  him  as  it  was  for  her.

     𝗴𝗿𝗲𝗲𝗻  𝗲𝘆𝗲𝘀  𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁  𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲  𝗵𝗶𝘀  𝗮𝘀  𝗵𝗲  𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗽𝘀  𝗰𝗹𝗼𝘀𝗲𝗿,     matching  her  movement  and  she  was  trying  her  best  to  ignore  how  hard  her  heart  was  beating,  very  much  making  it  clear  the  effect  that  he  had  on  her.     she  had  no  idea  that  she  could  ever     𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹     like  this,  it  was  intense  and  different  from  anything  she  had  felt  before.     maggie  kept  telling  herself  not  to  get  ahead  of  herself,  to  let  whatever  is  happen,  happen  naturally  and  at  its  own  pace.     which  was  so  hard  as  she  looks  up  into  his  face,  seeing  the  beautiful  hazel  colour  of  his  eyes,  the  slight  greying  in  his  dark  hair,  that  smile  she  just  couldn't  look  away  from  him.     she  didn't  care  that  he  was  older  than  her,  she  knew  what  she  wanted  and  she  wasn't  someone  who  just  gave  up,  not  when  she  had  so  many  reasons  to  fight  for  it,     "     i  just  know  my  dad  finds  it  hard  to  accept  that  i'm  grown  up.     it  took  a  lot  of  convincing  to  let  you  stay  here  after  tilly  was  well  enough  to  move  around,  he's  just  protective.     but  i  will  talk  to  him  and  let  him  see  that  this  is  what  i  want,     "     maggie  assures  him,  knowing  that  her  dad  wasn't  going  to  be  happy  that  this  had  happened,  he  had  always  been     𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲     but  with  everything  that  was  going  in  the  world,  he  had  become  even  more  so.     but  she  wouldn't  let  him  send  negan  and  tilly  away  if  he  found  out  about  this,  he  could  disapprove  all  he  wants  to,  it  wouldn't  change  anything.     no  one  had  ever  made  her  smile  like  negan  did,  or  made  her  laugh  so  much,  or  actually  made  her  feel  heard  and  seen.     that  was  something  she  doubts  she  would  ever  find  again.

     𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴  𝗵𝗶𝘀  𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗱  𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻  𝗶𝘁  𝘄𝗮𝘀  𝗼𝗳𝗳𝗲𝗿𝗲𝗱  𝘁𝗼  𝗵𝗲𝗿,     a  smile  forming  at  the  way  their  fingers  laced  together,  his  skin  warm  against  hers  and  it  all  just  felt  so  right.     but  her  smile  falters  as  he  mentions  his  way,  instantly  feeling  the  sadness  coming  off  him  because  he  had  rarely  mentioned  her  since  they  had  come  to  the  farm.     tilly  had  told  her  a  few  things,  not  a  lot  of  details  but  enough  for  her  to  know  that  lucille  had  been  one  of  the  most  important  people  to  negan.     she  didn't  want  to  be  a  replacement  or  a  distraction,  that  was  probably  her  biggest     𝗳𝗲𝗮𝗿     in  allowing  herself  to  get  close  to  him.     but  as  he  spoke,  it  was  obvious  to  her  that  whilst  he  would  probably  always  have  a  love  for  his  wife  and  she  wouldn't  expect  anything  less.     yet  when  he  tells  her  that  he  couldn't  kill  his  wife  after  she  turned,  that  tilly  had  to  do  it  and  it  was  clear  how  much  guilt  he  was  carrying  for  letting  that  happen.     maggie's  free  hand  comes  up  to  cup  his  cheek,  thumb  stroking  his  skin  gently,     "     don't  do  that  to  yourself.     you  can't  blame  yourself  for  not  reacting  in  the  moment.     you  just  have  an  incredibly  strong  daughter  who  looks  at  you  like  you're  her  whole  world,  so  don't  blame  yourself  too  much,     "     she  didn't  know  if  her  reassurance  meant  anything  right  now,  her  heart  ached  for  tilly  having  to  do  something  like  that.     if  these  past  few  weeks  had  proved  anything,  it  was  that  tilly  was  a  fighter  and  that  was  clearly  something  she  would  always  be.

     𝗶𝘁'𝘀  𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁  𝗵𝗲  𝘀𝗮𝘆𝘀  𝗻𝗲𝘅𝘁  𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁  𝗵𝗮𝘀  𝗵𝗲𝗿  𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗶𝗻𝗴  𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗼  𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆  𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗱,     the  hand  on  his  cheek  moving  to  rest  on  his  chest  as  she  listens,  the  smile  coming  back  to  her  lips  as  she  looks  at  him.     every  word  he  spoke,  she  believed.     nothing  felt  like  it  was  just  sweet  words  to  get  what  he  wanted.     this  felt  real  and  instense,  making  her  heart  race  and  her  body  warm.     never  did  she  expect  this  to  happen  when  she  had  seen  him  running  up  towards  the  farm  with  his  daughter  bleeding  out  in  his  arms.     but  it  was  happening  and  there  was  no  point  in  denying  that  it  was  something  she  wanted  too.     leaning  up  on  the  tips  of  her  toes,  her  hand  moving  back  up  to  his  cheek  as  she  kisses  him  with  a  gentleness  that  felt  so     𝘀𝘄𝗲𝗲𝘁     that  she  could  almost  cry.     pulling  back  enough  to  look  up  at  him,  she  can't  stop  smiling  as  she  looks  at  him,     "     i  didn't  realise  that  you  were  such  a  romantic,     "     she  teases  gently,  a  soft  laugh  escaping  as  she  lets  go  of  his  hand  to  wrap  her  arms  around  his  neck,  leaning  into  him  as  she  looks  up  at  him.     this  wasn't  going  to  be  easy,  she  knew  that  there  was  no  point  telling  her  dad  about  this  until  she  knew  it  was  more  serious.     she  didn't  want  to  risk  anything  incase  things  went  differently,  but  she  had  this  hope  that  nothing  was  going  to  separate them,     "     i  didn't  realise  what  you  would  mean  to  me  when  we  met.     but  now  i  can't  imagine  my  life  without  you.     whatever  happens,  it's  you  and  i,  okay?     and  tilly,  of  course,  i  couldn't  forget  her,     "     maggie  assured  him,  she  wouldn't  ever  want  tilly  to  think  she  was  trying  to  replace  her  mom,  she  would  form  her  own  bond  with  tilly  and  let  the  young  girl  decide  what  she  wanted  for  their  relationship.     she  just  knew  that  whatever  the  future  held  for  them,  she  would  be  able  to  face  it  with  negan  at  her  side.

[koritoraa]

At a haunted house with them ❦ (w/black reader)

A/n: Everyday is Halloween 🎃

Ft: Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, & Law

❦ Luffy

❧ Just know he’s here to have a great time & only a great time nothing else. So weather you agree to go or not doesn’t matter to him cuz he’s grabbing you out the house anyway.

“Boy I don’t feel like going to no damn haunted house today, I don’t want nothing to pop out and scare me like last year. That was terrifying.”

“Cmon y/nnnn if that happen then you know I’m gonna kick their ass like I did before. So don’t be scared we’re going.”

“Okay fine I’m only going cause ya cute & you convince me.”

❧ Okay so boom he came in the haunted house not expecting to be scared but to laugh & have a great time but something just jumped out. Just know he’s either gonna yell so loud and run with you or knock the person in the costume out.

❧ When he’s not yelling his eyes out or fighting with the workers, he’s definitely gonna ask them questions in the middle of them doing their job. He’s just so nosy & wanna interview them but then you have to snatch him up and leave…

“How long you been working at this job ? & do you have any food I’m hungry ? ”

“Uh I’m just here to do my job so I’m not supposed to be answering any questions.”

“Well I’m just asking, you don’t have to be so rude.”

“Luffy let’s go, stop be so annoying to that person other people are waiting in line, I’ll buy you whatever you want so let’s go already.”

“K but I will be back, so next time be ready to answer all my questions costume dude!!”

“I guess I have to it’s not like I have a choice.”

❦ Zoro

❧ Must I even say what’s gonna happen as soon as y’all enter ? yeah you’re right Zoro is gonna find himself somewhere else one minute y’all entering the house the next minute Zoro is calling you asking you where you went, Naw you asking him where he went.

“Bae, where you went I can’t find you?”

“No where did you went ? Zoro why the hell is you in a pumpkin patch if you was just walking with me a second ago?”

❧ Once you found Zoro and bought him back to the haunted house now it’s time for you to put a leash on him cause this a big house and you rather not be trying to look for him all night.

“bae imma have to put this leash on you real quick cause i don’t have time to be looking for you until the next day.”

“Really y/n ? That’s not even necessary I only got lost one time.”

“Lie again and see what happened, now lemme put this damn leash on you without all that back talk.”

❧ The only reason why he even pulled up at the haunted house with you is because he didn’t wanted you to go with anyone else only him & since you might be a lil chicken he had to be there for you & to turn to the side and laugh so quietly at your reaction to a skeleton falling on your head & pulling your wig off. All Zoro could do..well the only thing he could do is hold your wig while you break that toy skeleton in half and stomp out of the haunted house. Just know that he had a word with them ppl.

❦ Sanji

❧ first of all he’s here to keep you company & just incase you get really frightened. He’s also here for the entertainment but mostly there to be around you.

“I’m glad that I arrived so you don’t have to be scared, I’m right here to protect you.”

“Good I’m glad that your here with me, but I have to do the same.”

“Omg your so sweet y/n but there’s no need for that.”

❧ Okay I’m not gone act like he would not be scare cuz he would be at least a little. As soon as he get jumpscare he’s gonna quickly hold onto to you then ask if you’re okay. Nah you need to ask HIM if he’s okay.

“Sanji you’re okay ? You jumped back way too fast and hit your head so are you good ?”

“Yes, of course darling I just trip I wasn’t really scare or anything.”

“I didn’t said anything about being scared so that’s probably why you jumped back fast then.”

“No it wasn’t that my love haha, just was being a little clumsy”

❧ Other than that I just see him walking through the hunted house looking around making sure everything’s alright, while you holding onto him. Y’all just enjoying y’all time together it’s like a lil date for you two anyways.

❦ Law

❧ all he wanna do is enter the haunted house watch you have a good time and leave he ain’t here for no extra bs.

❧ The only “scared” reaction you’re getting out of him is just him jumping back a lil and grabbing onto to your sleeve then playing it off.

*creepy girl screaming inna distance*

“Damn what the hell was that noise? you heard that ?”

“Yes scaredy-cat”

“I wasn’t even scared, I was just asking a question.”

❧ Other than that he’s walking with a straight face and enjoying hanging out with you while holding your hands really tight just incase you get a lil scared not because he’s actually the one that’s scared asf.

[yyxgin]

lee felix’s guide to hating you

— ♡ FIC BANNER MADE BY THE AMAZING @chogiwow !!

pairing: lee felix x fem!reader genre: college au, tutor au ; fluff, angst, slice of life, slow burn word count: 21 k warnings: mentions of alcohol, mention of weed, swearing, bad family relationships

a/n: this story is very briefly inspired by jaemin’s drama ‘the way i hate you’ :) also this idea has been in my mind for such a long time, so i’m happy i finally managed to write it. this is also my longest fic so far, i hope it’s worth it. uhh yea enjoy <3

taglist: @feyregels​ @missskzbiased​ @hyunyin​ @koishua​ @crispy-chan​ @rindomo​ @soulssung​ @thatrandomoneinthecorner​ @90shermione​ @chogiwow​ @creatichee​ @freckledberries​ @hyunnies-stars​ 

There’s a list of things Lee Felix knew before applying for college-- and that is: 1) he really, desperately needs a degree for his grandparents to value him as an equal adult, 2) college in young adult movies seems like fun and partying and alcohol really does sound like his wettest dream, 3) he doesn’t need to work for another 4 years, which is fun and 5) he is really, horribly bad at studying.

Here’s a list of things Lee Felix, however, did not know before applying for college, and even though it’s fairly shorter, it hits you in the guts deeper, and that is: 1) studying for college means never ending chapters of insomnia and 2) he is always going to feel like the second choice for everyone. 

You see, girls don’t like Felix that much. Well, that’s a lie-- girls do go after him, tell him he’s cute and his freckles are adorable, but that’s only after they find out there’s no use in chasing after his best friend Han Jisung when he gets himself a new significant other. Boys don’t go after Felix either. Why, you may ask? Read the paragraph over again-- just change the word girls to the word boys. It’s as simple as that. He’s always the second choice, the back-up plan. It feels silly to drag his grandma into this, really, but the truth is, he’s a second choice in every aspect of his life, and that, too, includes his big (and still growing) family that treats him as something less than a human just because of the fact that his grades aren’t as good as his cousin’s are and he doesn’t have a degree in biological science, although he’s too young for that and his college years only started. It’s hard, living in his shoes.

What is Felix, however, really good at? 

Cheating.

Yeah, well, you see-- it’s not funny to be the outcast of the smart Lee family and it’s also not enetaining in the slightest to be the only single one at family gatherings (read as: weddings, because every single one of his relatives decided to fuck up their life with marriage in the past three years for some unknown reason). So Felix does what he’s the best at, and that is going by his favorite life motto: fake it ‘til you make it. 

He cheats on every single one of his exams and believe me when I tell you he’s the top of the class just because he’s the best cheater in town. Good cheating techniques equal good grades and suddenly, Felix’s life seems much brighter when he spends his sleepless nights with creating cheat sheets instead of studying and copying essays written in korean, translating them to english and submitting them as his own because no one will ever notice-- his degree is within the reach of his hand and he can already feel all the grandmas of the family clapping in joy, maybe even wiping away a stray tear on his graduation ceremony in a few years with bouquets of flowers in their hands and expensive watches in their gift bags, ready to welcome him back into the family.. 

What he doesn’t expect, though, is the cute little saying of ‘every lie has short legs’ he swears he heard sometimes in his linguistic class before, coming to life right in front of his eyes as the professor of his Biology class makes him the assigned tutor of the sweet Y/N Y/L/N, because, well, he clearly doesn’t know anything-- what’s he supposed to tutor now? 

The best cheating techniques?

The freckled boy sitting in front of you looks at you with furrowed brows and you wonder what’s the matter with him. Is there something on your face? Are you not dressed appropriately for the occasion? I mean, it’s only a tutoring session, so you didn’t put that much effort into it, but judging from the casual outfit enveloping his body, he didn’t really try to look fancy either. So what was it with him that made him stare you down as if you had horns on your head?

“Shall we start?” he asks once he’s done staring, voice sounding determined. You wonder if he sees the hints of nervousness on your face and if he notices the way you shrink in your seat in the mention of biology, but you guess he doesn’t know you that well to know that you fear the subject as much as you fear dying. 

“Yeah, sure,” you nod, scooting closer to the edge of your seat so you’re not so far away from the table. Felix-- your new biology tutor-- is sitting opposite of you and it’s quite difficult to read the text book once it’s upside down, but you don’t dare to mention it to him for a reason that’s unknown to you as well. It’s like you don’t want to overstep any invisible boundary on your first tutoring session, and telling the person that is teaching you to turn around the text book so you can actually see and learn something seems to be one of the taboos in your eyes. 

You take a quick glance at the waiter that just stopped next to your booth and smile, opening up your mouth to order yourself a meal. “Can I get you anything else?” she asks.

“No-” Felix offers her with a shy smile, but you cut him off with a voice a little higher in the octaves, not wanting your tutor coming in between you and reaching your biggest goal you’ve set for yourself.

“Actually, yes. Could I please get the chicken wings? With fries?” you ask, trying to look as innocent as you can, smiling at her in politeness. You ignore the confused look Lee Felix is offering you from the other side of the table. You mentally send him a signal to tell him to mind his own business, watching the waitress leave with a nod and a polite smile. 

“Okay, now we can start,” you nod at him and focus all your attention to the boy with sandy hair in front of you.

“O...kay?” he answers, obviously trying to bat away his rising confusion, because ordering yourself chicken wings on your tutoring session is prohibited now, apparently. “So,” he starts, sighing and scratching the back of his neck, “what do you not understand from this section?” 

You nervously chew on the bottom of your lip. Well, that’s a sweet question, you think. It would have been much sweeter and much easier to answer, though, if you understood at least a bit from the things you’re supposed to know. You went to university with the urge to prove something to yourself, but the only thing you’re proving to yourself right now is the fact that you are actually kind of useless, when it comes to biology.

“Just like the… whole thing, actually,” you nod, trying not to look as defeated as you feel and also trying not to burst out in a manic laugh as you always do when you feel slightly nervous about anything.

“Cool, cool, yeah,” he nods, taking a deep breath in, turning the textbook around and sighing, “I don’t think I can help you with that.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” you ask, confused. 

Lee Felix is the top of the grade. He is the best at biology, he is the best at chemistry, he is the best at his farmacy class. You’re sure he’ll be a fine biochemist in a few years, when his college times are over. Lee Felix is the smartest boy in your biology class and you are, coincidentally, quite the opposite on this spectrum. Which is exactly why your teacher managed to make Felix tutor you in his free time. You weren’t surprised at the fact that the blonde boy agreed to this-- he was quite the sweetheart, really. All the girls in your class fawned upon the way his freckles shined in the sunlight and the way he opened the doors for older professors. He was quite the boy you would want to introduce to your parents. Not quite the one every girl goes after, but the one that you would want to settle down with after your college years are over.

So why is he, the sweet, but also smart boy that agreed to tutor you, now telling you he can’t help you?

“It’s just.. I’m not really good at this section, I mean-”

“Felix, you’re the top of the class. Of course you’re good at this section.” you mumble, gazing deep into his eyes, trying to search for an answer.

“I-” he says and takes a sharp breath in, stopping himself in continuing his train of thought and just opting to shrug, not giving you a proper response either.

You feel like someone just punched you in the gut, and that’s when you realise-- here it is again. Another person that doesn’t believe in you-- another person that needs proving that you really can do it, you just need a little push. You can see it in his eyes that he doesn’t think you’re smart or bright enough to pass the exams, you’re not good enough to get good grades. It’s nothing new to you, but it still haunts you just the same.

“Is it because you know I can’t do it?” you bluntly ask, sighing. 

“No! No, no, I never said that-” he says, almost panicking with the way his hands fly into the air hurriedly, waving them around as if it was meant to calm you down. 

“You’re acting like it, though. I promise I’m not stupid- well, maybe I am, but-”

“You’re not stupid! It’s me! I’m the stupid one here.” he says, effectively silencing you with his words as you stare at him, dumbfounded. He’s joking, right?

“How can you be stupid when you get only the best grades? Felix, if you just don’t want to waste your time here, tell me, but don’t try to hide behind poor excuses.” you roll your eyes, feeling frustrated at the boy’s antics. Does he really think you’re that stupid that you can’t see right through his lies?

“I cheat.”

You blink a few times as if to reset your brain, gazing at him with pure confusion written in your orbs. He cheats? No. That’s a lie. A person as good at biology as Felix can’t cheat. All his exams are on 100% and he never makes any mistakes. He’s the epitome of the smart kid. The little Einstein. The prodigy. There’s no way it’s all cheating.

“No.” you shake your head in disapproval. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying! Look, I genuinely, really want to help you. I really do. The thing is, though, I don’t know how to study. I make cheat sheets and I use them at every exam and every test, that’s why everyone thinks I’m super smart, but that is really not the case,” he shakes his head, staring into your eyes with his wide open in honesty, wanting you-- no,-- needing you to understand. “I would tutor you if I could, really, but I just don’t know how to,” he sighs finally, acting like he’s just given birth or ran a marathon, exhaustion written all over his face.

“So why did you offer to tutor me, then?” you ask.

He takes a moment for himself to collect his thoughts, before he speaks up again. “Well, I didn’t really want to get caught. You see, I would never turn my back to anyone. Really. So I thought I could at least try to learn something? So I could help you? But I failed, as always, so I’m just coming clean in front of you and you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

The moment the last sentence leaves his mouth, you notice the apparent fear in his eyes, realising that he just shared an information with you that nobody really knows. It’s a secret he’s been hiding and keeping from everyone just to appear as the smartest one-- fooling everyone, including you. You feel even more stupid now, under his gaze. You feel played. You came to the tutoring, hoping to finally get a grip, when all you get is a person that is stepping all over the sandcastle of your fragile dreams, kicking every little piece of sand away with his lies. You know you shouldn’t feel so invested in this. You shouldn’t feel so hurt. But somehow, you still do. 

“So you just told me you are lying to everyone and cheating on tests and you want me to keep it a secret from everyone?” you ask in disbelief.

“Yes.” he nods, eyes hopeful. He’s been lying for the last year as if his life was depending on it and now he wants you to do the same-- keep quiet in front of everyone.

“And what do I do when the professor asks me why I’m not getting any better? Huh? Ever thought of that?” you leash out, harshly chewing on your bottom lip in nerves. “I want to pass. And I want to do it fair and square.” you get out in between your teeth.

“I didn’t… I didn’t think of that yet, but-”

“Leave.” you say, looking him sternly into his eyes.

“What do you mean, leave?”

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore. And you’re clearly not here to teach me anything, so you can just take your things and leave.” you spit out, crossing your hands over your chest.

“You leave, then,” he mutters, looking rather offended. You’re not sure why he’s the one hurt right now, but you guess that’s just how men and their egos are, there’s nothing more under his hurt eyes and shattered self-esteem.

“I ordered food, I’m not leaving.” you calmly respond. Once you say this, you’re reminded of the little quest you made for yourself. Never once did you feel silly for taking it so seriously in front of your other friends, but now, in front of Lee Felix with freckled dusted cheeks, you feel almost invisible as you realise why you even ordered the chicken wings and how you’re going to write a yelp review about them later.

Well, someone has to do it, and if not you, then who will, right? It’s the only valid way to find out who makes the best chicken wings in the town and not even your traitor-tutor is going to stop you now, when your list is only getting shorter and shorter. 

He stares at you for a few moments, dumbfounded, before he sighs and accepts his defeat. “Okay, I’ll just have to text my roommate to pick me up,” he admits.

You nod, just in time the server comes back with your food, offering her a welcoming smile. “Fine. But don’t even think of talking to me from now on. I’m not interested in more lies,” you spit at him, scowling as you take a look at the plate of chicken wings sitting in front of you in their full glory. You sense a very bad review, judging from the way the chicken wings look nothing like wings, rather full on small chickens dipped in oil, but dive in nonetheless. 

“Why do you have to be so dramatic?” he asks, voice coated in disbelief.

“Because I was scammed!” you yell out, mouth full of chicken, not caring a second about the way you might look in the boy’s eyes. Yes, you could have at least swallowed before speaking to him, but did you do it? No. No, you didn’t. 

“Oh come on-”

“Don’t even try arguing with me!” you spit at him-- quite glad that this time, it’s not literal-- and huff out in annoyance, when the door opens and a short boy with a bucket hat on steps into the bistro, the red fabric of the seats of the booths contrasting with his shoes in a way that makes you feel captivated, your eyes refusing to tear themselves away from him. 

The boy is taking quick steps to your booth and you almost choke on your chicken wings as you admire his full glory-- tanned skin and car keys in his hand, but his eyes meet the boy sitting opposite of you and that’s when everything clicks. This is not the boy of your dreams, this is Han Jisung. Your tutor’s best friend and roommate-- also known as the resident heartbreaker. You shouldn’t feel weak in your knees when you look at him, but that’s exactly what happens and you won’t feel ashamed about it. Well, not now, at least. In a few hours when you’re lying in your bed? Maybe. But I’ll tell you then.

“Yo, dude, I texted you like five minutes ago that I’m waiting for you outside, what are you still doing here?” he asks, furrowing his brows at his roommate and slowly moving his eyes to you, scanning you up and down, leaving your heart to do the stupid cartwheel you haven’t felt since, like, middle school. 

“We were in the middle of an argument, so I didn’t hear my phone ring.” Felix answers, glaring at you with spiteful eyes. You almost prepare to kill him with yours, but you focus on wiping the oil from the corner of your mouth and smiling heavenly, trying to look like a lady in front of your new visitor.

“Was Felix being absolutely unbearable again?” he asks you, surprising you with his subtle way of engaging you into the conversation.

You giggle, rolling your eyes slightly. “Yeah. You know him too well, don’t you?”

“Unfortunately,” he admits, looking defeated, when he moves his eyes to Felix, looking rather sulky on the red seat in front of you as you chat with his roommate, when Jisung’s tone of voice changes into a more worried one, speaking up again, “does she… did you…?”

“Yeah,” Felix just nods. 

Jisung sighs, sitting down next to his roommate, pushing him a little so he has more space in the booth. “What are you supposed to tutor her anyway?” he asks.

“Biology,” you mumble sooner than Felix gets the chance to speak up, motioning to the textbook still sitting at the table in front of you. 

The boy takes a look at the papers, his face changing from a focused one to a one more lighter, his eyes scanning the papers with ease. You notice his mouth moving a little as he reads the words under his breath, catching yourself from staring when you feel Felix’s eyes burning into the crown of your head, snapping you back to reality. 

“You know… maybe I could help you with that.” he says, looking like a business offering you a deal that you’re sure involves something illegal. He looks like a focused squirrel with his cheeks puffed out a little in what you sense is pride, something in his eyes glowing as you nervously chew on your bottom lip.

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course. I’m actually quite good at biology, to be honest. Well, not as much as Felix over here-” he jokes, scowling when the blonde boy punches his arm, “but I think I could tutor you a thing or two.”

“What’s the catch?” you ask, nervously watching him. Something in his composure is telling you he’ll want something in return, but you don’t know what yet. You’re quite sure you’ll sell your soul for the adorable boy in front of you if he asked you to, but it never hurts to ask beforehand, right? 

“What do you mean, what’s the catch?”

“Like… what do you want in return?” you muse out, taking a bite of a fry, noticing how soggy it feels under your teeth.

“Woah, you spend 15 minutes with Felix and you already think there’s something illegal behind everything? I’ll let you know, I’m better than that.” he scoffs. “I’m just doing it because I see how miserable you are. And I also don’t want you to tell on my buddie over here.” he adds, smiling warmly.

You take notice of the way Felix’s eyes grow twice their size and how Jisung’s knee lightly bumps into his under the table. It’s subtle, but you think that maybe this is when you fully fell for the short boy in front of you-- when he offered to save his best friend’s ass by helping out a lost girl with biology. And who are you to say no now? I mean, you need the tutoring nonetheless. Who cares if the boy tutoring you is someone else? Maybe it’s even more appealing to you this way, but you’ll never admit that out loud.

“Okay then, sure.” you nod, grinning from ear to ear, feeling satisfied.

“Great. Now, give me half the fries and we can arrange our next tutoring session,” he smiles, “oh, and I’m Han Jisung, by the way.”

He winks. 

You should be disturbed, but strangely, you’re not. You grin back at him, offering him the soggy fries you’re sure you’re going to give a really bad review in the evening, watching his composure change into a more laid-back one, engaging you in a conversation and slunging an arm around his best friend’s shoulders.

Lee Felix remains silent. He feels it once again-- he feels the loneliness of being left out. 

And he’s sure it won’t be the last time.

Lee Felix knows damn well how it feels to be the third wheel. He’s hung out with Jisung and his potential love interests multiple times, he’s even been on double dates with the said male, yet, he always somehow ends up being left out. So why does it still feel the same? Why does he still feel that restless feeling in his stomach, the emptiness in his chest, just like the first time? I guess you never get used to some things and emotions are one of them. No matter how much you argue that you know a feeling so well it doesn’t even surprise you anymore, it still hurts the same. That’s funny about emotions. Sometimes, they can’t even make you numb.

“Hurry up dude, the bistro closes in an hour and half!” Jisung rushes the taller male (not tall, just taller. Don’t misunderstand.) with his car keys in his hand, twirling them around his fingers in a nervous manner. Felix notices his roommate has put some effort into his outfit today, considering the lemon supreme shirt enveloping his body that he saves only for special occasions, yet, Felix doesn’t realise why he had to put it on when they’re literally just going out to eat some soggy fries in the bistro close to their house. He doesn’t ask, though. He doesn’t want the car key stuck in his forehead. He also doesn’t know why they have to rush so much, since they have an hour and half left before they close, but again, he doesn’t dare to say it out loud. 

Felix quickly puts his shoes on and rolls his eyes at his roommate. “I’m ready,” he announces.

Jisung swiftly takes a bottle of cologne from the table in their small hall (it’s so small they don’t even have a mirror in it, because there was no use in taking mirror selfies when all you can see on the picture is your phone case due to the fact that the room is too narrow for you to move further away) and sprays his body wit hit, efficiently confusing his roommate. “You wanna smell great for the waiter there? Because from what I remember, he was a stoner-”

“Oh, shut up. You never know when you’re gonna meet someone cute, am I right?” he asks, grinning from ear to ear like a cat, taking his backpack with him and opening the front door, “gotta look and smell presentable at all times.”

Felix wonders if this is why everyone always goes after his best friend. 

No, he thinks, it cannot be the cloud of cologne hanging around his body. It’s heavy and it makes Felix cough a little, but he tries to mask it, because he’s fairly sure Jisung won’t pay for his fries today if he doesn’t. And Felix is a simple man-- if he can get something for free, he will do anything to achieve it.

They arrive at the place in a few minutes and Felix can already feel his mouth watering at the thought of the salty fries and cheeseburger he’s going to get himself, joyfully skipping inside the bistro and waiting in the queue. Jisung follows him, standing next to him, efficiently covering the smell of the oil and all the good things on this earth-- read as fast food-- making Felix scowl. The boy behind the register, is, in fact, Na Jaemin-- the resident frat boy. Felix’s heard all about him from the girls staying at the dorms and to be honest, he’s quite glad he doesn’t have to live the stories of getting caught with weed at Jaemin's party on his own. That, and the fact that hot water runs in his apartment. Na Jemin might have the weed, but he surely doesn’t have that in his college dorm room. 

“Three milkshakes, two large fries, chicken wings and a cheeseburger, please.” Jisung orders, confusing Felix in one sentence. Since when is his best friend a bottomless pot for food? Is he really going to eat all of that?

“Coming right at you. Anything else?” Jaemin asks, voice considerate and polite, still turned on his customer service mode, even though Felix is sure him and Jisung have had shared a joint or two on one of his parties before.

“No, that’s all. Thanks, man,” Jisung answers, leaving with Felix right behind him. 

“Who’s gonna eat all of that? I hope you know you’re paying, and before you protest, yes, I did purposefully leave my wallet at home-” he rambles, still moving, when his train of thought is cut off by a person in his view.

You are sitting there in your full glory, smiling brightly at the boys approaching you. You’re dressed nicely, he notices-- you look like you put some effort into what you’re wearing. You don’t look that much different, but he can still see the slight changes you made to look neat. You’re glowing, Felix notices. You look excited.

“Hi, Y/N,” Jisung greets, taking a seat opposite of you. He doesn’t even give Felix an answer, he doesn’t even give him an explanation. He’s left there only to take a seat next to his roommate after collecting his thoughts, chewing on his bottom lip.

The conversation never moves his way. He is silenced. Felix wonders why he was even invited, watching the people behind the window laughing with their friends, happy to order some tasty food and have fun on this Thursday evening. He watches his friend and his classmate have fun-- well, as much fun as a tutoring session could be. You’re laughing at every single one of Jisung’s jokes and he swears Jisung’s eyes never leave your face, even when he’s explaining something to you. He wonders why Jisung didn’t tell him where they’re going. He wonders why he even had to come.

Lee Felix knows how third-wheeling feels. Yet, it still makes his little foolish heart hurt just the same every time.

You nervously chew on your bottom lip, cracking your knuckles in a habit your friends always scream at you for, waiting for your tutor-- well, he’s not really your tutor anymore-- to appear in the bistro on the other side of the town. You admire the decorations for a while, liking the way it looks modern here and the purple led lights make the whole place look aesthetic. You can already imagine multiple college kids going here and taking instagram pictures to look cool. It’s nice and you’ll definitely include it in your yelp review-- it won’t make it more stars, though, if the chicken wings don’t taste like heaven.

You tug on the sleeves on your hoodie, as if you were trying to make yourself disappear. I mean, you do feel embarrassing. You feel pathetic that it had to come down to this, but you guess desperate times call for desperate solutions. You’re not here to look put-together anymore. You’re going to show him your full glory and although you regret it a little, you still have a little spark of hope in you that Han Jisung-- the boy you, admittedly, were crashing on real hard right now, won’t find out.

Felix comes into the bistro in his full VSCO boy glory, as always. He is wearing a jean jacket and his freckled cheeks are dusted pink, you’d almost think he’s blushing all the time. He doesn’t quite fit the aesthetics of this futuristic looking bistro, you notice. The retro places you’ve been to so far fit him much more-- his sandy hair contrasted well with the yellow walls and red booths. It was starting to get a little repetitive, though, you must admit.

“Hi,” he greets you as he takes his seat, smiling at you with what you can only describe as a feeling of full uncomfort. You wonder what made him feel this way about you, but you don’t dare to think of it twice as you focus on the main quest of the day-- forcing him to teach you his ways.

“Hello,” you smile. 

Felix notices how natural you look-- it feels like now is the first time he’s seeing you in your full glory. You aren’t wearing your neat clothes for a meeting with Jisung and you’re not too casual like you were at your first ‘tutoring session’ either-- you’re just you. The way he doesn’t even see you in classes. He likes the fact that no one else than him can see you like this-- he likes the fact that Jisung is nowhere around, yet, he wonders why is that, exactly, since the two of you seemed to be hitting it off quite well so far.

Felix hasn’t been with Jisung when he last tutored you. He figured there’s no use, he’s going to get ignored all the time anyway. 

“So… what’s the matter?” he asks, folding his hands into his lap. He dares to take a quick look at you, noticing your worn-out shirt and dark circles under your eyes, worry washing over him. Did something happen? Was Jisung a jerk to you? 

“Well, I sort-of have a little problem,” you mumble out, tearing your gaze away from him. You seem shy for the first time in front of him and he wonders why. He doesn’t understand your sudden change of behaviour. This isn’t the you he’s used to. “Well, turns out, I am really stupid.” you propose, leaving Felix to gaze at you in surprise.

He chuckles. You swiftly look up at him with piercing eyes telling him to stop, and he almost does, but your face looks too adorable when it’s scrunched up like that, so he only giggles once more. “You’re not stupid.”

“I am!” you whine out, finally letting your whole shy facade fall, exposing the true you once again right in front of Felix’s eyes-- direct and fierceful. “Even Jisung’s tutoring isn’t helping and I feel so stupid with him! And I don’t want him to think that I’m stupid, even though I am, and I just… I can’t pass my exams like this, so I need your help.” you say, eyes big, looking almost pleading.

“And I am supposed to help… how? Exactly?” The confusion is written all over his face, and it almost makes you frustrated. You knew he must be smart, if his cheating has been so good he’s getting through college with straight As, but really, is he really that smart if he can’t read in between the lines?

“Help me cheat.” you quickly get out, biting down on your lower lip just as you say it, as if you were regretting it.

The silence that overtakes the two of you feels like it’s slowly going to eat you up alive, angrily biting into your skin. It feels heavy and suffocating, your palms sweating as you watch Felix blink at you with mouth agape, breathing in and out. You pray for him to make up his mind soon, or else you’re going to run out of the bistro without a yelp review, tearing the skin of your cuticles as you see him blink quickly a few times before shaking his head in disbelief, clearing his storage.

“You want me to help you cheat?” he asks for clarification, furrowing his brows at you.

“That’s correct.” you nod, chewing on the inside of your cheek. You haven’t been this nervous since you took your college entrance exams, and that shows a lot, considering you used to say that has been the most difficult experience of your life so far.

“Because Jisung…. isn’t tutoring you well enough?” he asks again, making you roll your eyes in annoyance.

“Hey, don’t put the blame on Jisung! I’m just stupid, that’s all.” you say, looking down into your lap, because his gaze suddenly feels like he’s judging you and you really don’t feel like maintaining eye contact with him when you’re under pressure.

“If you don’t stop saying that, I will kick you.”

“You wouldn’t dare-”

“I would and I will-”

“Okay, but is that a yes, then?” you look up at him with hopeful eyes, resembling a puppy just a little too much, and, well, Felix can’t just reject you now, can he?

“I.. guess…?” he says, watching your face light up in joy as you clap a few times in excitement. 

“Great! Can we start today? We have to start today! I brought my text books and papers and sharpies and-” you are cut off by Felix’s face lighting up at the sight of you, his eyes looking warm and admiring. You quickly shake away the excitement before it goes too far and you actually go to hug him or something, taking a deep breath in and out to calm yourself down.

Just in that moment, the server appears with two servings of chicken wings and two large fries, making Felix look at you in confusion. 

“I ordered you food, since I thought we’ll stick around for a while..” you mumble, seeing him eagerly nod and take one fry into his hand, biting down on it with a face full of pleasure. 

“Perfect. Just let me eat a few of these and we can get right into work, I promise,” he mutters with a mouth full of food, prompting you to take a bite yourself. It doesn’t taste the worst-- the bistro you went to after prom last year was definitely worse than this, but still, you don’t think Felix’s face quite resembles how the food tastes. He looks as if the Queen of England made it. In reality, it’s just a soggy fry. 

“Why do you always order the same thing? Aren’t you tired of eating the same thing over and over again?” he asks suddenly, examining your face with real interest. No one’s ever noticed your eating habits before, just shrugging off what you order every single time. Your little fast food experiment has been a secret so far, even though it wasn’t that hard to cover it up-- nobody really cared until now. 

You feel blush creeping on your cheeks as you shrug, feeling a little embarrassed for like the hundredth time today, when you reply to the boy in front of you. You know his secret, so it only feels valid for him to know yours. “I have this experiment… like, I try chicken wings and fries at every single bistro, restaurant and fast food chain in the town to find out which one’s the best…” you mumble, looking into your plate instead of facing him out of the ugly feeling of patheticness creeping up your back.

“Oh, that’s cool!” he exclaims, pointing his fry your direction, a response you didn’t quite expect, “Where do they have the best ones so far?” he asks, genuine interest painting his features.

“Oh,” you get out, feeling your lips unvoliteraly tug into a smile, “I don’t.. I still have a few bistros and the McDonald’s on the highway out of the city left, but I’d say the best ones so far were at Wendy’s. I didn’t quite like the chicken wings there, though, so…”

“Hmm,” he nods, deep in thought, “we just get food at where’s the closest.” he says, munching on a chicken wing. “I guess we could pay a little more attention to the food from now on, because after eating this, I’m never going to eat the food from the bistro right in front of our flat again.”

“Yeah, that bistro’s really awful. I only gave it around 2.5 stars, I think-” you say, before you realise you just spilled out another secret to him, feeling your cheeks heating up. 

“2.5 stars? What, do you write yelp reviews or something?” he asks, clearly amused by your accidental spill-out.

“And what if I do?” you defend yourself, glaring at him with fake annoyance. No man will ever make fun of you because you write yelp reviews. Not Lee Felix, even though he seems too nice to actually make fun of you because of something, not anyone. 

“That’s cool, though! Those help so much when you travel,” he says, eagerly nodding at you with big eyes and an adorable grin plastered on his face, making you feel understood and happy with just the sudden sign of acceptance. Turns out your little weird obsession isn’t as embarrassing as you thought it was. Or Lee Felix really is the sweetest guy walking on this earth. Either one is fine in your books.

You stay there for a few hours and Felix teaches you the basic cheat codes-- never meet the teacher’s eye, never finish your tests too quickly, always forcefully pick the wrong option before scribbling it out and putting in a correct one to not seem too suspicious. He even takes a piece of paper from you and scribbles down the basic cheat-sheet making structure. 

He feels good with you. He feels useful. He knows he shouldn’t be teaching you this, but really, is it really doing any harm? We all have to go through college somehow.

Yet, all evenings always end the same for Felix, with a bad feeling in his gut and a fake smile on his face hiding the true meaning behind his actions. He’ll never be the first choice and you remind him even today, after you leave the ‘tutoring session’ with a quick hug to the male, lowering your voice so only he can hear when you pay him your goodbyes.

“Don’t tell Jisung, okay?”

Of course. It’s all because you don’t want to look embarrassing in front of his best friend.

It goes all how you planned it to-- you’re sitting at your next tutoring session with two males in front of you. One of them is your supposed tutor and one of them is a boy that’s helping you pass your exams for real. You’re into one of them, even though you shouldn’t. You wonder how you even ended up in this mess. You swear you were a good student in high school, always submitting your assignments on time and making sure your tests were on 100%. It was kind of fueling your ego, in a way. You had no other plans in your life to hold on to, no dreams to dream, so you reasoned to do the only thing that you were good at-- getting good grades. You had to prove to yourself that there was a reason, a meaning behind your life. You had to prove to yourself that your existence was valid.

You watch Jisung with interest. You pray to god that he doesn’t catch you in your act, because that would surely be embarrassing. You don’t want him to find out that you’re just fine with cheating, because that meant your tutoring sessions with the male would end and there was no other reason for you to see him. You knew Han Jisung wasn’t interested in you. You were sure you’d see it on him if he was. And even then, you weren’t interested in only a short relationship without any good point. You liked Jisung, but you didn’t like his reputation. One week wasn’t long enough for you to waste your time on him and get your heart broken. You weren’t sure if he was a player, or if he just wanted to desperately find the one by trying all the possibilities, but you weren’t going to find out. 

Felix watches you with interest in his eyes-- but you don’t notice. He prays that Jisung doesn’t find out about your secret little ‘tutoring sessions’, because that would mean he wouldn’t have a reason to hang out with you anymore. And Felix really doesn’t want that to happen. For some reason, he doesn’t want you to ever frown. And he’s sure that’s exactly what would happen if Jisung cancelled.

It doesn’t click to him what’s happening inside of his little, foolish heart when he sees you smile at Jisung and his stomach fills with worry. 

It doesn’t click to him what’s happening with him when every time Jisung subtly takes your hand in his makes his insides twitch in frustration. He thinks it’s just because of the fact that he’s third-wheeling again, like all his life, and maybe that is partly true, but it’s not the whole reason behind the cloud around his head.

It clicks only when him and his roommate are back home, sitting at the dinner table with the left-overs from the new bistro you three went to, munching on the chicken wings and another pack of soggy french fries and the cola they had in their fridge.

“So… what do you think about Y/N?” Jisung asks suddenly, making Felix furrow his brows in confusion.

“What should I think? She’s smart, I guess…” he mumbles, mouth full of food, not quite grasping the full meaning of his roommate’s question. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Jisung quickly nods in approval, “she’s getting really good. I mean, you can still see she’s having some troubles when I’m tutoring her, but at least she always gets good grades on tests now,” he says, biting down on another piece of chicken wing. Felix feels a wave of pride wash over him after hearing the words-- of course you’re doing well on exams. It’s all Felix’s doing. You’re a quick learner, when it comes to cheating. 

“Yeah, she’s good,” he says. 

“Well,” Jisung suddenly starts, meaning to sound nonchalantly, but only sounding like he’s determining his biggest life secret in front of his friend instead, “I like her.”

Felix almost chokes on the piece of chicken in his mouth, trying to play it off with a small chuckle. “Oh? You do?”

“Yeah. Should I.. Should I ask her on a date or something?” he asks and Felix swears he can see his friend’s cheeks reddening a little, even though the last time he’s seen Jisung embarrassed was when he accidentally called their Math’s teacher mum in eleventh grade. 

“You don’t date, though,” Felix opposes.

“That’s not true-”

“Two weeks long relationships aren’t relationships, Jisung.” 

“Not my fault they’re never the one! It gets boring after a while, Felix, I can’t just-”

“Why are you even asking me this?” Felix suddenly cuts him off, glaring at him. He doesn’t know why he’s reacting in such a way. It’s not like it’s the first time Jisung is going to date someone for two weeks just to break their heart, it’s not the first time they’re going to run after Felix a week after just so they can still be around the one that broke their heart. This time, though, he does not want to see another heart get broken.

“Jesus, chill, man… I was just asking, since you two seem closer. Did she mention anything about me? Is she dating anyone?” Jisung asks, eyes lighting up.

Felix could be an asshole. He could tell Jisung that you’re already dating someone, he could tell him to back off and that you’re not interested. However, he does not do that. Instead, he does the quite opposite. He pushes his best friend into asking you out, he tells him he should try it, because that’s just the kind of person he is. Besides, he knows you’re into him. Maybe the smile on your face could make him forget about the fact that you’re going to get your heart broken. 

“Sure, go for it.” he shrugs, “I don’t really care anyway.”

“Fine, then-”

“I’m gonna shower.” Felix says, quickly standing up from his chair and moving to the bathroom, quickly escaping the conversation.

Only then he realises what he feeling in his gut means, only then he notices the way his sigh feels like the weight of the world is sitting on his shoulders and he can’t breathe any time you’re around Han Jisung. 

He realises he likes you. 

And clearly, you don’t like him back.

Emotions are something you never quite get used to. Even the emotion of feeling rejection, the emotion of always being behind his best friend’s shadow. Lee Felix is always just the friend. Never the love interest. This time, though, it feels even more heavy, because in a way, you seem way more special in his eyes than the people that went after him just to get with his best friend.

This time, he does not want to see another heart get broken. Because it’s your heart we’re talking about.

And to prevent his heart shattering to even more pieces, he has to do something.

He has to stop liking you.

As soon as possible.

“Y/N?” 

“Mhhm?” you ask, raising your eyes up from the cheat sheet you’re creating with Felix’s help, the grease of the fries you’re eating glistening on your chin. You’re with him in a yet another crappy bistro, trying yet another soggy fries, and even though there’s nothing special on you to a stranger’s eye, Felix’s heart can’t help but run twice the speed of light. 

“How do you stop liking someone?” he mumbles, furrowing his brows a little, deep in thought. 

“Oh, do you like someone?” you ask, and Felix momentarily lights up at the thought of you caring if he’s interested in someone, but when his eyes meet yours and he notices them glistening and lightening up in curiosity, he realises it’s just because you’re happy for him. As a good friend should be. 

“No, no,” he quickly shakes his head in disapproval, snickering to himself, “I’m just asking. Because, think, what if, hypothetically, there’s someone who is into someone else. Easy, right? But what if their best friend likes the same person? And you know you shouldn’t like them because they’re into their friend as well? What is there to do at that point?” 

You scan his face for a few seconds, thinking to yourself. “Hmm,” you start, “I guess you have to start hating them. So the feelings disappear.” you nod, satisfied with your answer.

“How’s that possible?” he asks, scoffing.

“Well, I don’t know, since it’s all hypothetical anyway,” you giggle, focusing back on your cheat sheet. Your notes are getting smaller and smaller and Felix notices the improvement in your small lettering, making your cheat sheet less noticeable. You’re learning quickly.

“Oh come on,” he whines, kicking your leg under the table, “talk to me. How can a person start hating someone? Give me a tutorial.” 

“Well, since you really need to know,” you roll your eyes, putting away the pen from your hand and resting your back against the seat of the booth, “there are a few steps you can take.”

“For example?”

“Well, you have to stop hanging out with them, first thing’s first.” you start. “Because if you don’t hang out with them, you will eventually hate the fact that they’re not near, which will, logically, make you hate them instead.”

“Is that really logical, though?” Felix asks, furrowing his brows at you. In his books, this made no sense at all, but you seemed pretty satisfied with your answer.

“Of course it is! Then, you have to find something about them that you can hate. Anything. Find even the smallest thing, and blow it up in your mind until you hate it. Easy, right?” 

“...I don’t think that’s helping at all,” he says, tone of voice unsure. 

“Of course it is! You’re just refusing that it can be true, because you think I’m stupid.” you stick out his tongue at him, focusing on your work instead.

He kicks you under the table, making you scowl. “Ow! What was that for?”

“I told you that if you’ll make that comment again, I will kick you. So I just did right that.” he says. “Besides, your ideas are stupid. Not you. There’s a difference in that.” he smartly points out, making you roll your eyes at him.

“So, who is it that you like?”

“No one. I told you, it’s hypothetical.” he glares at you.

“Right,” you nod, sighing, “well, I’ll just stick to that, since that means Jisung doesn’t like anyone and I still have a chance.” you smile at him, obviously missing out on the way your words just punched him into the gut. Felix laughs it out, kicking you in the shin instead.

“Right. Of course you do,” he nods. He wishes he didn’t mean that.

You two remain in silence for a moment, while you get back to your work and Felix pretends he’s playing a game on his phone. You don’t notice the way his eyes scan you over, admiring you, once in a while. No one ever does. He guesses this is the perk of always being just the friend. The one people are friends with just because they want something from him. The one that gets taken advantage of. He chooses not to think about it more. Maybe if he did, he could hate you over it, if he wasn’t so used to that feeling anyway. 

“We should hang out on the weekend,” you say, taking him by surprise.

“Oh?” he mumbles out, “with Jisung?”

“No?” you furrow your brows, “look, I know I look like I’m obsessed with him, but I actually just want to hang out with you alone as friends once in a while, you know.”

“We’re hanging out now, though.”

“It’s midnight, Felix,” you point out, “and we’re working. I want to hang out with my friend, like a normal person, you know.” you shrug.

“Yeah…” he says, when your words resonate in his mind like a broken curse. ‘Don’t hang out with them.’ Don’t hang out with her. You have to hate her. He has to start hating you-- there’s no other way. And so, he turns to taking your words into consideration. He can’t meet with you if he’s not ‘tutoring’ you. There’s no way. “We’ll see. I’ll tell you if I’m free.” he smiles warmly instead, because truth be told, he’ll never tell you no to your eyes. He’s always been a bit of a coward. And he also doesn’t want you to frown. Ever.

“Great!” you smile. 

And when Felix comes home that night, at 2am in the morning when his roommate is already asleep-- not knowing of your secret meetings, he lays down in his bed and repeats your advice like a broken mantra. He can’t like you. He has to hate you.

Lee Felix’s guide to hating you: 1. Don’t hang out with her. Only meet her when it’s necessary. If you don’t meet her, you’ll start hating her absence, resulting in hating her altogether. 2. Find a small thing about her to blow up so much you start to hate it. 

That’s not difficult. He hates that you like Han Jisung. It’s a small mistake, a small flaw, but he’s ready to blow it up so much he hates you for it. He hates that he’s not the first choice. He hates that you don’t like him.

Maybe he would hate you more if you were dating his best friend for real.

Lee Felix’s guide to hating you: 1. Don’t hang out with her. 2. Find a thing to hate about her. SUCCESS! 3. Set her up with Han Jisung.

Now, this plan is bulletproof, isn’t it?

Felix unexpectedly breaks the first step of his guide only a few days later-- on a chilly friday afternoon, when his body is hurriedly skipping to the edge of the town centre only to meet with you. Just for the record, though, Felix didn’t intend to break the promise he gave to himself. He really wasn’t going to hang out with you if he didn’t specifically need to, but, well… you called Jisung to hang out. Felix’s heart almost skipped a few beats when he was added to a three-person big group chat with you and his roommate and at that point, he wasn’t going to reject an invitation to the fare in town, because he was fairly sure Jisung didn’t like rollercoasters and he wanted to see you laugh your ass off at him in front of everyone. Is it a little spiteful? Possibly. Does he care? Not that much.

Besides, it’s only one time. It will never happen again!!

He finds you with your black leather jacket on, stepping from one leg to the other, looking around like a lost puppy. Felix mentally curses at himself for not coming sooner so you wouldn’t feel so alone and awkward in the mass of people, when he realises he’s already 15 minutes late because of his afternoon class and his roommate is nowhere to be found.

“Thank god! I thought you were going to bail on me as well,” you call out when Felix is close enough, smiling at him.

“Where’s Jisung?”

“He texted me like 5 minutes ago that he can’t make it today. Something about his mum being in town? I’m not sure,” you furrow your brows, “at least you’re here now, though.”

Felix is met with the realisation that he’s left alone with you again, mentally cursing at himself. This surely does not look like a plan to hating you. It looks like a bullet-proof plan on how to fall even deeper for you, with how your stray hairs are flying around your head and you adorably scrunch up your nose and sniffle from the cold. 

“Should we go?” he forces out of himself, looking at you hopefully.

“Yeah!” you nod, striding a few steps in front of him like a happy school girl excited to go to school for the first time. Felix can’t surpass the gentle smile forming on his lips, shaking his head in disbelief. You look so cheerful and so joyful, making his heart swell with how easily you manage to make him feel so young again. 

He follows you gladly, managing to match his speed with yours, almost forgetting for a moment that he’s not on a date with you, almost forgetting about the fact that you like his best friend and the smile you’re giving him is nothing against the wide grin you offer to his roommate.

“Let’s go on that one!” you cheer, taking Felix by the hand and tugging him your way, not once giving him the opportunity of letting go as you drag him all around the fare. You remind him of his younger sister with how excited you get about the smallest things and he realises he wants to protect your heart from the world just as much as he wants to protect his little sister’s. It’s not the same feeling, though. The affection he feels for you is different. 

Felix doesn’t find it in him to tell you no whenever you tug him on another ride, even when his legs are tired and his jaw hurts from smiling. He finds himself wanting to capture your image into his brain forever, imprint the happy memory in there so he can find it and look at it whenever his heart feels lonely. For the first time in ages, he forgets about everything. He forgets that he’s just the friend, the other choice. He completely forgets that Han Jisung was supposed to be there, at his place, sitting next to you on the ferris wheel as you watch the night city under you with cold cheeks and frozen bodies.

“You must be sad that Jisung isn’t here with you right now. That would surely feel much more romantic than sitting here with me,” Felix says bitterly once the reality hits him for a second, once his heart is unsheltered for a short moment and your eyes meet.

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” you roll your eyes, “Jisung can’t be romantic. Besides, if I really wanted a date with him so badly, I wouldn’t have asked you to come with us, would I?” you smile at him, swinging your legs forward and backward, focusing your eyes somewhere into the distance again.

“Well, if you really want to go on a date with him, you can just ask him, you know?” he mumbles, playing with the dead skin on his thumb.

“So he can stand me up and go on a date with his mum again? I don’t know, Felix, is that really worth it?” you giggle, not noticing the way you’re messing with the boy’s head, not noticing the way a small spark of hope lights up somewhere in the deep pits of his stomach when you mention not wanting to ask his best friend out. 

“I don’t know, is it?”

“I’ll have to think about it.” you muse out, and the spark is gone. Of course it’s not that simple. 

Felix just nods and grins at you. The chilly air helps him hide his red cheeks when he thinks of how embarrassing his thoughts must have been in the past quick seconds. He focuses on your face, on the way your eyes crinkle up a little when you stare somewhere far into the distance and your hair flies a little with the breeze. The ferris wheel just reached the top, so he has plenty of time to keep admiring you from so close, but somehow, the moment still feels so short and he wishes he could stop the time. He wishes he could stop the time so he didn’t have to face the reality when he comes down from the ferris wheel. He wishes he didn’t have to see you fall in love with his friend, he wishes he didn’t have to act like he doesn’t care at all. 

“Thanks for helping me, by the way. I wouldn’t have passed my exams if it wasn’t for you and that… that would be really hard on me.” you get out, locking your eyes with his sincerely. He sees your eyes shining even so high above the ground, convincing him the sparkles really must be the stars, when he takes a deep breath in and responds.

“It’s no problem, I get it… I mean, it’s what you gotta do. What we gotta do, when we want to pass. And graduate,” he chuckles. 

Does he really want the degree, though? Or does he just need it to feel like he has some worth? Does he want to graduate or does he just want his parents to value him as an adult, does he really want to continue working so hard on passing or would he just be so much happier if he just dropped out. And saved himself so much stress. He should have known he was never smart enough for college.

“Yeah. I despise the smart kids in our class. I wish I were them,” you scoff, “I despise Jisung, in a way, too,” you add after a dramatic pause.

“Jisung?” Felix furrows his brows.

“Yeah,” you nod, like it’s the clearest thing in the world, “I mean, he’s smart enough to pass. He’s… he’s got his life figured out, in a way. He’s just fine. Getting all the girls and the guys, getting good grades, going on dinner dates with his mum on Fridays,” you giggle, “I mean, I want that. That sounds nice.”

Felix huffs, staring into the distance, “I guess you’re right.” He knows damn well how jealousy feels. 

“I came to college to prove to myself that my life has some worth, but I guess the only thing I prove to myself is that I can’t even pass my exams without help.” you sigh, sounding defeated.

“Hey,” he nudges you a little with his foot, “don’t say that. Life isn’t about grades, degrees and that shit. Of course you have worth and value.” 

He sees you smile in defeat, leaning your head on his shoulder. The feeling of acceptance, pure understanding washes over the two of you, when you gently speak up again. “Try to explain that to my brain.” 

He lightly giggles. “I’m trying, as you can see.”

You look up at him from his shoulder, scrunching up your nose and leaning closer to him, whispering. “It’s not working.” you laugh.

“I know it’s not easy,” he shakes his head, “I’ve been trying to tell that to my family for the past 21 years.” he slips out. Something about you makes him spill out even things he’s never told anyone before, but he finds himself not caring as you approach his eyes with pure serenity mixed with melancholy.

“Is it all because of your parents?” you ask, “the cheating, I mean.”

Felix feels his eyes giving him out, so he chooses not to look at you anymore. “I mean, I would have dropped out long ago if I didn’t have to feel so worthless around my family then. Every single one of my cousins is smart, has a degree and earns a killing. I’m just me-- living from the money I earned over summer, trying not to lose my mind with biology.”

He hears you humming next to him, your head moving as you nod in understatement. The ferris wheel is slowly reaching the bottom again and Felix finds the fact quite relieving. He doesn’t mind having deep talks with you, he just fears he might spill out something both of you don’t want to hear.

“I’m glad you came with me today, Lix.” you smile at him once the two of you reach the bottom, “wanna hear a secret?”

“Spill it out,” he dares you, grinning.

“I only invited Jisung because I thought you didn’t want to hang out with me alone.” you confess, quickly turning around in your spot as you jog a few steps in front of him, carelessly, as if you just didn’t make Felix’s heart stop and insides twitch in excitement. He prays and hopes it’s not just you giving him false hope, he wishes it’s not his mind playing tricks on him. 

“I-” 

“And now that I know you don’t mind being around me, do you wanna go to the dog cafe with me next Wednesday? You know, the one I talked about.” you turn around, flashing him a smile worth a billion dollars, taking him by surprise as his breathing hitches and he doesn’t find it in him to reject you ever again.

“Sure.”

Second step of Lee Felix’s guide to helping you: find a small thing about you he doesn’t like to blow up so much he starts hating you altogether. 

He was so sure that he found the small thing just a few days ago. He thought that the fact that you like his best friend could be enough for him to start hating you. He could sit on that thought for long enough to pick it up to the smallest pieces and over-analyse it to the point he could start hating you. 

And he tries to do just that-- he lies awake at night thinking of how every single person he’s ever been interested in slipped right between his fingers just because of Jisung’s existence. He wonders why he’s never good enough to anyone, why he always has to be the second choice even for tutoring (even though it’s not even tutoring, but we won’t talk about that anymore). He thinks of how you’re so foolish to think your relationship with Jisung is going to last, because Jisung’s feelings never stay the same for long. He over-analyses the smallest things he notices on you when you’re in Jisung’s presence until the point he’s almost sure he can do it, he can hate you for it just a little, in a way, but then, the thought flies right out of the open window as his roommate crashes into his door in the middle of the night.

He startles awake, sitting up at his bed, watching the short male going in with much difficulty, sitting on his bed without a word.

“Jisung?”

“Lixie, I fucked it all up, didn’t I?” Jisung whines, laying down on the bed next to his friend. Felix doesn’t think it’s only due to the late hours of the night that his friend’s words aren’t making any sense, but he doesn’t dare to put his finger on it until he makes sure for himself.

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/N.”

Your name coming out of his lips hits Felix like a baseball bat, hurting in all the right places, as the young male finds it in him to continue the conversation.

“What about her?”

“She asked us to hang out together. And I didn’t go. I know it wasn’t my fault, because my mum was in the town, but still, I feel so bad, because now it must look like I’m not interested in her and that I don’t care and I really don’t want that, you know?” he stummers, making Felix realise his friend talks a lot when he’s under the influence of alcohol just the same second Jisung’s breath catches in Felix’s nose, only proving his point. 

“You didn’t fuck it up, don’t worry.” he muses. And it’s true. Jisung could never truly fuck it up with anyone. Even his exes always crumble up around his feet, wanting attention even after getting their heart broken. Will it be the same with you?

“She must think I don’t like her. And that’s horrible-that’s- that’s- I like her. Very much,” he whines again, getting closer to Felix and wrapping his arms around the blonde’s torso in a wave of affection that only washes over him when he’s drunk.

“Sung-” he stutters, desperately trying to push him away, but even though Jisung doesn’t look like it, he is a strong individual when it comes to involuntary cuddling. Felix can never escape his arms.

“I think she’s special, you know? She’s like- I can’t explain it. It’s like with her, I actually want to try. I want to ask her on dates and love her and give her my heart, because you know, I never dared to give my heart to anyone. And no one’s ever made me feel truly special before…” he mutters, forcing his nose to Felix’s neck, “I’m rambling too much, aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” Felix sighs, nodding. He doesn’t battle his arms anymore. Jisung is his friend, at the end of the day. He can hold him when he needs it.

“Sorry.” he says shortly, sighing as well. The room falls into silence and Felix’s head spins again, his thoughts spiral like a tornado and the eye of the storm is you-- standing there with that stupid smile on your face and he once again realises that he needs to hate you in order to shelter his own heart, because you’re like a hurricane when it comes a to a person’s emotions.

The fact is, though, he could never hate you for liking his best friend. 

Han Jisung is too likable for his own good. His heart is too big for this world, and truth be told, he’s been sharing it with everyone for such a long time now, he deserves to find someone he’s willing to give his all to. 

He could never hate you for liking Jisung-- the boy who smiles at everyone in the halls, the boy that offered him to live in the flat his parent’s bought for him in freshman year, the boy that helps him hide his cheating secret every day. He could never hate you for liking Jisung, because he himself knows too well how much of a treasure his dear friend is. 

He gets it. He gets why people always choose Jisung over him. He could never blame you.

“Sung?”

“Hmm?”

“Ask Y/N out to the dog cafe on Wednesday. She'll love it.”

Felix could never hate you.

Step three of Felix’s bullet-proof guide to hating you is quite simple and actually the only one he completes with success. Setting you up with Jisung on a date is easier than he ever imagined, considering the fact that his roommate decided to finally take things into his own hands and call you on a date after the drunken weeping episode in Felix’s bed. 

Jisung invites you on a date to the dog café in town. The two of you go on Wednesday and although Felix feels like he just gave his roommate a piece of him, an invitation that was never meant for him in the first place, he feels at ease, because at least one part of his plan is working. He could never hate you, but at least now, it will be easier for him to ignore his growing feelings for you when you spend all your time with Jisung on dates and ice cream runs. He only has to ignore his feelings in school and at your ‘tutoring’ sessions. He wonders how long these will be a secret in front of your new boyfriend. Jisung’s not your boyfriend yet, but Felix can only imagine how short the time he isn’t is going to last. 

Felix does the stupid mistake of opening the instagram app in the evening, when he’s curled up in his bed with an embarrassingly big bowl of popcorn on his bed side table, serving him as his depression food. He sees your post show up, an adorable picture of you from the dog café, a big golden retriever in your lap as you giggle at its face. The picture is candid and looks like the kind Felix would like to keep as his lock screen if he had the chance. He’s sure his best friend took it for you not only from the fact that you went out with him tonight, but also for the fact that he’s tagged in the post’s description with a big blue heart emoji. 

He could stop staring at the picture if he really wanted, he could mute your posts and pretend you never existed to shelter his poor heart. He could do everything in his strength to cut all his ties with you. That would make it so much easier for him, wouldn’t it?

But he doesn't. And maybe he doesn’t even want to-- he’s used to the pain anyway, isn’t he? The bitterness, the feeling of being pushed away, ignored and left forgotten. 

He was supposed to be in Jisung’s place now, but that doesn’t change the simple fact that he isn’t-- maybe it was never his place to claim anyway. 

Felix stares at the picture for minutes, wondering of how things could be if you only didn’t fall for his best friend. Or if he came with you today. Who knows, maybe it wasn’t too late for him to ask you on a date. Maybe he could still change your mind. Felix likes to give up on things too quickly, though, and that is the curse that will follow him his whole life. 

Lee Felix is good at cheating. He is insanely good at it, he would also say it’s the only thing he’s ever been good at. Pretending.

It’s his time to shine again. It’s time to pretend he doesn’t like you, pretend you don’t hurt him, pretend he isn’t in love with his best friend’s crush. He’s been always the best at cheating and now it’s time to cheat his way out of liking you. 

Sounds easy, doesn’t it?

“You must be really hungry, if you’re planning to eat all of that in one setting,” Felix mumbles, watching you as you eat yet another plate of chicken wings in yet another pointless bistro in town. Felix wonders how you even know about all of these, since the one you’re both sitting in right now, in the middle of the night, looks rather lonely. It doesn’t even seem that welcoming-- it has graffiti on the walls and the seats are a little torn on the edges, but you don’t seem to care as you munch on the chicken, eyes big when you stare back at your companion.

“I eat a lot when I’m stressed,” you mutter in between your bites, mouth full. You look natural like this and Felix realises this is you in his mind-- cheeks full of food, that little wrinkle in between your brows when you look at him, eyes staring big into his like a loyal dog. This is how he knows you, in your rawest form, and this is coincidentally, also, how he likes you the most. He loves and treasures every single version of you, but your late-night meetings feel of different kind of intimacy to him that he’s sure he’s going to think of even when he’s old and his college years are dusty like an old polaroid picture.  

“Stressed?” he asks, tone of voice a little more worried than usual. Felix always worries about you. Even when you quietly take out your cheat sheet from under the table and write your answers down. He doesn’t fear being caught-- he frankly doesn’t care that much, but he knows that you are having a battle with yourself and he really doesn’t want you to feel like you lost. He didn’t know it was so easy to put someone else first when you worry for the future. 

“The finals are coming up.” you clarify, the words coming out a little bashful and smitten.

“Oh.” he nods. 

You’re both quiet for a while. It would be cheesy to say the silence was comfortable, and Felix knows, he’s seen enough teenage dramas to know these words are used in situations like this, but the truth is, there’s no other way to describe it, and he understands that now. Your determination shines through all your edges and he’s glad you’re doing what you can with the resources you have. You’re not exactly studying for your Biology finals, but it’s still as hard and as stressful as that. It can feel a little embarrassing at times, but there’s no other way around it. You have to battle your enemy, even if it means the game is not fair.

“And those chicken wings are fucking good, dude,” you mutter after a while, offering him one of the paper baskets the server brought you a few minutes ago, looking rather stoned and not interested in your presence at all.

“Don’t tell me this rotten place is winning your chicken wings and fries contest,” Felix snickers, taking a bite that, to his surprise, actually tastes the best out of the amount of fast food chains and restaurants you’ve brought him to. You should never judge a book by its cover and this bistro is clearly one of the examples.

“I have only one place left to go, so we’ll see then, but I guess it might just be the top place right now,” you muse out, a wide grin decorating your features as you glance up at Felix that watches you scribble down your notes on a mini piece of paper.

“Wanna go with me there? After the finals, of course. We can celebrate if we pass,” you point out, licking your lips in nerves, “I don’t think I’ll need these ‘tutoring sessions’ anymore then, but I still want to hang out sometime.” you say, putting air quotes around the words tutoring session, looking at him with expectations in your eyes.

“Oh, sure,” he agrees, nodding. “I have to be there when you finally declare your last yelp review.”

You only laugh at him and shake your head, eating some more as you look down into your notes again, lost in work. “I still don’t get how you can do these so fast.”

“I already know what’s the most useful. You don’t have to copy the whole textbook on there.”

“You can never know! What if I’ll need it all?” you exclaim, only making him laugh harder.

He points his eyes out of the window, watching the empty parking lot. You didn’t come in your car today, telling Felix your house is close anyway, and Felix doesn’t dare to drive his car anywhere unless he doesn’t need to. He has a little bit of a trauma since the last time he drove with his dad and he almost ran the car into a tree, getting a shower of swear words and exclamations from his dear father, so he only drives his small white Renault when he needs to go home. Which is, coincidentally, next week. 

“I really don’t want to go home next week,” he sighs.

“Your family is still onto you for the smallest shit?” you ask, tone of voice sympathetic.

“Yeah. Can’t wait to graduate so I don’t have to listen to them talking about a degree anymore,” he rolls his eyes, “I only have to find myself a partner so my grandma can shut up about me being single all the time.”

You softly laugh, making Felix look at you for a moment, his heart skipping a few beats when your eyes meet for a little more seconds than usual. “I’m sorry. You can always text me, though, if you need anyone to talk or gossip with.” you say, averting your eyes from his.

“You’d have to be on your phone 24/7, then. My mental stability comes down by 70% when I’m back home and it’s already only on 15% now,” Felix snickers.

“Oh, I don’t mind. I’ll be staying here anyway.” you say, giggling.

“You’re not coming back home?”

“No,” you shake your head in disapproval, quickly glancing into his eyes before speaking up again, “it’s my parent’s wedding anniversary, so they’re going on a holiday. There’s no use in me coming home if I’m just going to be alone there anyway,” you shrug.

Felix hums, nodding in understatement. “That makes sense. I’m sorry you can’t meet your family on holidays, though.”

“It’s okay,” you say, “I see them often anyway. One Christmas won’t kill me. I have a whole season of Game of thrones to catch up on anyway.” you light-heartedly laugh, sounding like Felix’s favorite song. He smiles with you, shaking his head in disbelief at how positively you can always see the world, when he glances out of the window for a moment again, only to be met with a surprise. 

There are white flakes of snow falling from the sky and something in Felix wakes up-- something he’d call happiness, maybe even joy, when he quickly shoots up from his seat and calls you with excitement coating his voice, “Y/N! Y/N! Come on!”

“Come where? Felix, what are you-” 

He doesn’t let you finish as he takes you by the hand and tugs you on your feet, tugging you out of the empty bistro out into the dark parking lot, admiring the snowflakes falling onto the ground and every surface in his sight. He sees some stick into your hair, making him giggle as his outstretched hand dusts them off subconsciously, when he starts running around like a happy child, laughter coming out of his throat filling the silence.

“It’s snowing!” you exclaim, when Felix reaches your body frozen in its place again. He reminds you of a golden retriever when he jumps a little in his place, his feet happily crouching in the snow. You laugh at his antics when he starts acting like a little boy, this side of Felix being so new to you, yet you can’t help but feel your heart swell with admiration when he asks you to catch some snow into your mouth.

“Felix! That’s disgusting!” you refuse, laughing.

“Oh come on! It’s just water!” he cheers, leaning his head back and opening his mouth wide, waiting for the snow to fall into his mouth. 

“But it’s unhygienic and dirty! You have to be kidding me!” you still reject his idea, standing your ground firmly as always in your life so far, when a face of a boy looking like an angel takes you by surprise and his big eyes plead you in a way that makes you drop all your grudges and all your beliefs down, rolling your eyes when he pouts, leaning your head back as well and opening your mouth with a loud ‘aaaa’ sound to satisfy his foolish heart.

Once you both feel a snowflake hitting your tongues, you look at each other with your tongues out, laughing at how stupid the other one looks, pointing to your tongues. You shake your head. “It melted off, you stupid!”

“You did the same thing!” he bursts out laughing, bending over in the force of his emotions. You watch him with a wide grin plastered onto your face. It feels like watching a movie. You don’t think you’ll ever have a brighter memory with the boy in front of you, with his cheeks red from the snow and smile so wide it hurts both of your jaws.

You instinctively take his hands into yours, looking down on your feet as you start going around in a circle with him, going quicker and quicker as you watch your footprints in the snow mixing with his, the dry skin of his hands making you feel strange. You laugh out when your head starts spinning, looking up at him to find him already staring at you with stars in his eyes, when you wonder,

isn’t this how love is supposed to feel?

All of his life, Felix had thought that family gatherings could always either go two ways, and that is: 1) a normal, boring meet-ups where your grandma asks about how school’s going, when you’re going to finally find a partner and another one of your cousin’s announces their engagement party, or 2) the actual engagement parties-- every single family member including the senile grandma from mum’s side gets drunk and you don’t have to think about more fake reasons why you have yet to lose your virginity.

You see, Felix is wrong in a lot of things. And this was surely one of them-- it’s the December 27th and he’s sitting in his grandma’s old kitchen, the wind blowing through the cracks of her window and the sweets on the table have already melted from the heat being too high, because his aunt is always cold and they can’t compromise. That sounds fine, even usual, Felix would say, however, the fire lights up a few moments later when his head starts to hurt from all the talking and he begins to dissociate a little too much, meaning that his grandma now has to shift her attention from all of his other relatives to him, because how dare he stay quiet on a family gathering where he has nothing to add to the conversation, right?

It starts off as usual, the answers to these questions digged deep into Felix’s brain since the first year of college. He doesn’t even bat an eye when he answers the questions directed at his studies and grades, telling all of his interested relatives that he’s working hard and it’s paying off. Nobody complains or disagrees-- his grades are awesome. His degree is here soon. Felix almost thinks he’s over with when his grandma laughs at a poor joke that comes out of his mouth, but that was only a bad prediction as he moves on to questions about his love life, which are, believe me or not, much more boring and much more ego-hurting for the blonde.

“Do you have a girlfriend yet, Felix?” she asks, tone of voice sounding rather interested, but don’t believe her-- it’s only an act. She’s ready to laugh into his face when he gives her the answer she’s hoping for.

“No, not yet, grandma,” he mumbles, averting his eyes from her wrinkley face as soon as possible. He really doesn’t need to look at her any longer to know she’s silently judging him on the inside, because that’s just how his grandmother is. 

“That’s such a shame… I wonder why… You’re such a pretty young boy, aren’t you?” she mutters under her nose, tone almost whiney, “what about your roommate? Jisung, was it?”

Felix takes a deep breath in, closing his eyes for a second to calm his rising heart beat. He could have predicted questions like this coming, because the conversation always somehow diverted to his roommate even when he was at home with his family. It’s crazy, how everyone just seems to adore Jisung much more than their own family member. 

“He’s.. Yeah. He’s always with someone, you know him. Not now, though, now he’s single,” Felix nods, explaining.

“Well, I’m sure he’ll find someone soon,” she admits, “he’s such a gentleman. And so handsome as well, isn’t he?” she asks, his aunt from her right side nodding quickly at the mention of Han Jisung. 

“He always has so many people around him, he’s so charming. If only you were more like him, maybe then someone would date you as well,” his grandma says calmly, not even noticing the way her words cut deeper and deeper into Felix’s heart, kicking him and punching him like a boxing bag, “you should try to be more like him.”

Felix bites down on his lower lip, rolling his eyes. Frustration coats his voice once he speaks up, the built-up anger living inside of him like an animal kept well in its cage. He doesn’t want to let it out, because he fears what it might do once it’s free, but he still retorts to a dig addressed to his grandma, huffing in annoyance. “Should I send Jisung home instead of me next time?”

“Oh no, Felix, what are you even saying right now?” his grandma looks rather offended, eyes twice their usual size as she glares at him.

“Well, since you like him so much.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I was just saying that-”

“Leave it.” Felix says. 

The atmosphere is too heavy now, all eyes on him as if he was in a circus, watching him just moments before his breaking. He realises he no longer feels welcome in this place and maybe he never did, he just chose to ignore it by now, because that’s what he always does when a problem appears-- he chooses ignorance. Ignorance is Felix’s best friend, and although it may sound like he’s running away from his problems all the time, it’s always worked so far. He’s just protecting his heart, building walls around it. 

He doesn’t want to fight. He hates conflict. So, even though he’d like to snap, even though he’d like to leash out like an animal, he doesn’t. He steps back-- as he always does, taking the car keys from the table and escaping the house, hearing the calls of his mother after him. He doesn’t bother to say goodbye, he doesn’t even bother to look back nor take the Christmas gifts his grandma brought for everyone. 

He sits into the small white Renault he drives once a year when he comes back home, starts the engine and speeds up to the limit, driving away from all of his problems. He doesn’t want to hear their complaints, he doesn’t want to listen. It’s the best this way. He wants to ignore the words that came out of his grandma’s mouth, but he can’t find it in him as he hears them resonate in his head over and over again. 

He’s the second choice even in his own family. He’s a joke to everyone, isn’t he? Just the side character, the one that never gets the spotlight. It hurts, it hurts him so much, but he pays no attention to his blurry vision, because even though he’s fairly sure no one from his family would miss him, he doesn’t want to drive off the road and kill himself with his escape.

He parks the car in front of his and Jisung’s flat after a few hours. He’s fairly good at it, considering he never drives, and mentally puts up a middle finger to his dad in his head for screaming at him so much. He was in a much calmer headspace when he was driving with his dad than he was now, yet, he didn’t manage to drive anyone over. 

Putting his feet into the cold, empty apartment, turning the heating on and plopping down on the sofa, he once again realises how lonely it feels. Not only because of the feeling of abandonment the dark flat resonates, but also due to the fact that it truly feels like now, he’s all alone in this world. The silence screams louder than any words ever could, his ears lowly ringing without any sound in the small room, which makes him wonder if he’s truly the only one that has to spend his holidays pretty much alone. Maybe it’s his fault that he’s fucked it up with his family, who knows-- but that’s a topic for another overthinking session of his, when he decides to let it go once his eyes meet the snow silently falling down behind the window. 

The dark mixed with the white balls of fluff in the air remind him of you. Your bubbly laugh, the feeling of your skin on his when you held his hands and danced around with him in the snow. He feels a smile growing on his face, despite everything he’s heard today, his fingers involuntarily texting you to see if you’re doing anything and if you can hang out with him today. 

He meets you at the door a few minutes later, your nose runny from the cold and hands dry, smiling at you with a sense he can only describe as belonging, because he realises, maybe you feel just as lonely as him on holidays and suddenly, he no longer feels sorry for leaving.

“Why are you even here, Lix? Shouldn’t you be at home?” you ask him when you’re taking off your shoes and hanging your coat on the hanger by the door. He bites down on his lower lip to suppress a bitter chuckle. 

“Christmas got cancelled this year.” he shrugs. 

It’s not like he doesn’t trust you. You know better than anyone what his struggles are-- he asked you to keep his secrets numerous times. It’s just that now that you’re here, it’s like his soul finally feels calm and he no longer wants to whine about his grandma or his aunts anymore. It’s just you and him and the empty apartment. If he was anyone else, maybe he’d try to get into your pants. He’s just Lee Felix though, and he’s absolutely, wholeheartedly in love with you, he realises, and believe me, it kind of takes him over the edge, and so he doesn’t try anything. 

And you look at him in understatement, no other questions asked.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s all a capitalistic holiday anyway,” he shrugs.

You follow him into the living room and he throws the remote control into your lap, telling you to choose a movie before he comes back with popcorn. 

“If you don’t pick anything before I’m done, we’ll just watch Venom, I don’t care,” he says, seeing you adorably scrunch up your nose at him in response. 

When he comes back and you’re waiting for him with Howl’s moving castle paused on Netflix, he can’t help but grin at you. He places the popcorn on the coffee table and notices himself staring onto your body next to his far more often than the TV and wonders if he really drove away from all of his problems or if he just drove away from one problem to another, because now, it’s getting really hard to focus on staying away from you. 

And when you shiver and curl up into his side, placing your head onto his shoulder, he can’t help but jolt at the contact, staring at you in surprise. 

“It’s cold,” you mumble, pouting.

Felix smiles. He rolls his eyes at you, even though on the inside, he finds you absolutely adorable, taking a blanket from the side of the sofa and putting it over your cold bodies, tucking you both in. You feel warm against his side, your hand resting on his chest. He wonders if you can feel his quickening heartbeat, his stiff body and the nerves rising in his heart. Everything else disappears, the fight back home long forgotten and Han Jisung left somewhere home with his own family, the weight of your body overwhelming him when you fall asleep and that’s when he stops and thinks,

isn’t this how home’s supposed to feel like?

The halls of the university building are empty as Felix stands right in front of the closed door, silently pacing around the corridors and bumping his knee up and down. He just got his final’s results and even though his soul was supposed to be at peace, he finds himself stressing over you, currently sitting in the room behind the closed door in front of him, getting your final’s results from biology back. The professor decided to split your class into two groups for the finals so you can, quote, ‘focus better when there’s less people around’ and even though you managed to cheat on your exams without any problems, he still wonders if you did well and if you passed. 

Once the voices behind the closed doors get louder and louder, he figures it’s near the end of your lecture and he can finally see you again and ask you how you did. 

The last time he talked to you without the stress of finals breathing onto your back was back on Christmas break-- more than a week ago. Ever since then, you two have been meeting in the middle of the night again, preparing for your upcoming tests. You didn’t really manage to talk a lot about anything else and even though Felix didn’t mind, he still missed your mindless rambles and weird jokes you used to crack when you weren’t stressing your mind off. 

The door opens and reveals people coming out, a few of them wearing a toothy grin on their faces as they glance on the paper in their hands, a few of them frowning as they pin their eyes to the ground. It’s not easy to differentiate the ones that passed and the ones who did not do that well and even though Felix feels sorry for them, he wonders why they just don’t cheat their way out of bad grades just how he does. It’s not that hard. It just takes a lot of practice. 

Once he finally sees your face, a big, toothy grin decorating your lips, a big stone falls off his heart, a weight lifts itself from his shoulders, because frankly, you wouldn’t look so happy if you failed, right? You’re not a total psychopath.

“How did you-” 

His words are cut off from his mouth, all air kicked out of his body once he feels you so close, the soft skin of your lips pressed up against his in a happy kiss. He’s startled, to say the least. His cheeks are reddening in the instance and he doesn’t even know if time stopped or if it’s just the rising anxiety and excitement in his chest, but he bites down the confusion and kisses you back finally, closing his eyes and bringing you close by your shoulders. The kiss is a little sloppy and messy, but he doesn’t mind-- all that’s occupying his mind right now is you, your sweet lips, your mouthy kiss, your excited hands creeping up around his neck, your bag that fell to the ground next to his feet, your exam paper marked with the big red A+ flying around the two of you when you let it fall from your grasp, your hair tickling his cheeks, you, you, you.

There’s only you. In the air he breathes, in the ground he walks on, in his hands and on his mind. You’re everywhere. Intoxicating.

You pull away from him after a while, grinning at him. It still manages to startle him a little-- how just the small gesture can light up his whole world, how your smile can make him feel like he’s the luckiest person on this earth. He sees stars in your eyes and he wonders who put them there, hoping to be the one, believing he could finally be the one, with how you look at him and hold him in your arms-

but it’s Felix’s life we’re talking about. There’s only you, you, you and maybe somewhere, far away in the distance, there could even be him, but who’s always there for sure is Han Jisung.

Han Jisung staring at the two of you from the open door, mouth agape in shock. Han Jisung with trembling hands, Han Jisung with his books clutched close to his chest as Felix’s heart drops and reality finally hits him. You were never supposed to be his to kiss. You were supposed to be Jisung’s-- his roommate’s, his best friend’s -- you fell for him long, long ago and that’s how it’s always been. 

He opens his mouth to say something, anything, to comfort his dear friend that looks like he’s heart’s being broken, but he finds no words in him to console his actions. He feels bad, he feels so, so guilty when their eyes meet, but he doesn’t manage to say anything before Jisung turns around the corner and leaves. 

The sound of Jisung’s quick steps is the only thing resonating in Felix’s mind like a bell, a signal for him that he fucked up, he did a really, really bad thing. 

His insides clutch and eyes water in the empty college corridor when he wonders,

is this how it feels to break someone’s heart?

You kick the small rocks beneath your feet, gazing into the distance. The cold in your bones makes you shudder, your eyes trailing around the neighbourhood so foreign to you, putting your hands into your pockets so you shelter your fingers from the frozen air. You think how this place looks exactly as you imagined it to-- tall apartment complex and a single big tree in front of it, the cars parked in the driveway obviously having their spot as the neighbours have lived together for a long time to know not to park anywhere else, because it’s more efficient this way. 

You’re waiting and waiting, hoping to see the one you’re waiting for soon, because you doubt your confidence will last you for any longer if you don’t talk to him now. You could lie and tell yourself it’s okay and that you’re not nervous at all, but after Jisung ran away the other day and his roommate followed him a few moments later, you feel nervousness creeping into your skin after not seeing or hearing from Felix for three days now. 

You remember him telling you that he likes to go for late-night convenience store runs every evening to get his favorite snacks. It wasn’t hard to find out where he lives-- it’s the 21st century, for god’s sake. You asked a friend of his friend and here you are, waiting  for him to appear in the door of his apartment complex, ready to talk to him about the events of this week.

Once you hear the door opening, you feel your head snap to its direction quicker than the speed of light, knees almost getting weak at the sight of Lee Felix standing there, confusion written all over his face once his eyes meet with yours. The frown forming on his face only deepens your stress as you wonder if he didn’t want to see you today, which, considering the fact that he’s been ignoring you for the past few days, might just be the case, but it still makes your heart break just a little when you hear him sigh once he makes his way over to you, the sound of his sneakers on the ground being the only thing heard in the middle of the night.

All the snow has melted-- as if all the bright things have left just in time with it, leaving you sad and cold, the clouds of your breath hitting the cold air being the only thing reminding you of the weather as you feel your body heating up in his presence. 

“Can we talk?” you ask, voice steadier than you expected it to be.

“I- I mean,” he starts, a shaky and husky voice hitting your ears, signaling that he probably hadn’t spoken to anyone for a long time now, “you’re already here, so I guess…”

You nod at him, averting your gaze quickly to the ground, when you realise you suddenly don’t know what to say. You try to search for words, yet none come out of your mouth. Your mind is blank and it seems like his presence took away all your vocabulary, but deep on the inside, you know damn well that if you don’t speak up now, you won’t have a second chance and you really have to get it now.

“Why- why…” you mutter, “why did you leave without saying anything the other day?” you ask.

The silence is overwhelming as you start to hate the sound of your own breath, opting to hold it for a few seconds as you await his response. 

“I mean, isn’t it obvious?” 

You shake your head in confusion, finally meeting his eyes again. “No.”

“Jisung… Jisung saw us. I didn’t feel like it was right,” he explains, cracking his knuckles in a nervous habit you noticed in him a long, long time ago when he first tried to teach you how to cheat in class without getting caught.

“What does he have to do with anything?”

“You two like each other.” he says bluntly, taking you off-guard.

The moment these words come out of his mouth, you realise not one, but two things. One of them is fairly new to you, the fact that Han Jisung liked you back was something you never knew you could experience, but even though you should be flattered, you realise it no longer holds a meaning in your heart. The second thing is connected to the first-- and that is, Lee Felix doesn’t know that you like him now. His foolish, silly mind convinced him you were still in love with his best friend, his confused and frustrated brain didn’t let him realise that for a long, long time now, the freckled boy in front of you has been the only one you thought about when you were falling asleep at night.

You don’t even know when it happened. You guess it just did. You wondered how it’d feel to know what exactly made you fall for Felix, what that moment was, but something inside of you is telling you that maybe, it was even more wonderful this way. Unexpected, but totally reasonable.

“Why would I be kissing you if I still liked Jisung?” you ask, the fear of directly confessing to him and getting rejected creeping up in your shadow.

“I- I don’t know-”

“Exactly.” you cut him off before he rambles and manages to find a stupid, silly reason in his head to justify his wrong expectations. You know how he is-- if he overthinks things hard enough, he’ll surely find an answer. There’s none, though, so you don’t dare to give him time to think about it and ponder on the thought for any longer.

“But that doesn’t matter now anyway,” he shrugs, putting his hands into his pockets.

You wonder what’s going on inside of his head right now. You wonder if he regrets what he’s done-- if he wants to turn back time and never let you kiss him. The nerves make you bite down harshly on your bottom lip and you only catch yourself when you feel iron in your mouth, quickly licking your own wound on the surface of your mouth and take a deep breath in. 

“Why?” you ask. 

“Why would it?” he says, eyes boring into yours.

“Because… I thought it meant something to you? I mean, it meant a lot to me, at least. That’s why I’m even here in the first place,” you chuckle airly, feeling your throat get dry.

“I’m not saying that it didn’t, I just think it had no point.”

His words feel like knives thrown into your chest, like a fire burning the pit of your stomach. You feel your legs getting weaker at his arguments, your fingers harshly tugging at the skin of your cuticles hidden in your pockets. You don’t trust your voice to sound steady this time when you speak, but you don’t care. Maybe it’s time to show your real emotions. Maybe it will change Felix’s mind.

“And why is that?”

“Because people like you don’t date people like me. You’re supposed to be in love with Jisung. You’re supposed to be dating him, he’s supposed to date you. You’re too good for me anyway.” he shrugs.

“Is this all about Jisung?” you ask, eyebrows furrowed.

You watch Felix sharply inhale in and out, averting his eyes from your figure. The distance between the two of you is unnatural, as if to singal how the two of you are slowly drifting apart. You see him fold his hands on his chest, preparing for what he’s about to say.

“It hurt him, back then. And I hate that. He loves you and I just.. I can’t do that to him, when I know  how much he cares about you.” he says.

Love is a strange thing. You hear Felix say how much Jisung loves you, but is that really true? Does Han Jisung even know you? The real you?

Does Jisung know how you look with your mouth full of fries and a greasy forehead? Does he know how you look when you’re stressed out of your mind because of finals? Does he know your favorite bistro, does he know your favorite movie? Did you cuddle up with Jisung on the couch just because you wanted to be close to him, comfort him and tell him you’re there just a few days after Christmas? 

Or does he just know the self you put up in front of him when you went to meet him? The put-together you that cares even about the sound of your own laugh, not wanting it to sound ugly in his ears? 

Han Jisung can’t love you. He doesn’t even know you.

And you never loved him-- just for the same reason. The feelings you had for him were merely a feeling of attraction, so far away from love.

But now you know how you feel about Felix, how his smile lights up the world and how his presence makes you feel understood. How even the silence with him speaks louder than a million words, how he knows you like the back of his hand and how he treats you like his closest friend. You know that what you feel when you’re with him is stronger than anything you ever have and although it used to scare you for a moment, now you’re ready to embrace it and live with it, if he lets you.

Lee Felix doesn’t tell you he loves you. Maybe you can see it in his eyes.

Why does he have to put everything above love? Why does he care about Jisung more than you? It’s breaking your heart. 

“Felix… I’m sure he’d understand. He’s a good person. I’m sure he’d want you to be happy.”

“Y/N, you don’t understand-”

“He’s a grown adult!” you yell out, the built-up emotions coming to the surface in the form of frustration, your words sunding spiteful and angry. Maybe you are furious, maybe you are full of fire right now, but it’s all because of the boy in front of you and the things he refuses to let himself enjoy.

“Why do you even care about it so much, huh? I was your fucking second choice all along anyway!” 

You look at him in shock, your eyes watering at the sight of the frown sitting on his face. Something inside of you breaks and you think it’s safe to say it was your heart, choking you up as you shake your head in disapproval. 

“Felix-” you protest, but there’s no use.

You see him turn around on his heel, opening the door to the apartment complex and leaving. It feels like you’re losing him, it feels like he’s gone forever. He turned his back on you, refusing all the love you were willing to give him, all the love you were offering to him right here, your heart in your hands.

He gave up on your love.

People in movies go out to party after a break-up to get drunk and numb their feelings. They either go to the club or go to a stupid college party, which is, coincidentally, your case today, but you’re not here to get drunk tonight. You’re not here to drown out your feelings and numb your pained soul-- you’re simply here to try to have some fun.

Your mum told you long, long ago that happiness is a choice. You could argue with her and tell her that depression and heartbreak aren’t a choice and that they, by themselves, are causing people the most sadness, but you had to give your mum a point. If you don’t choose to try, if you don’t do anything to at least try to stimulate your own brain, you can’t expect happiness to find you by itself. That’s just, sadly, not how life works, and you weren’t going to drown out in your own tears just because of Lee fucking Felix, because if you weren’t worth trying for him, he’s not worth any of your tears.

You appear on Lee Haechan’s end of the semester party. You have A+ finals to celebrate and although you would be much happier to drink to them with the one that basically helped you get through the semester, you won’t pass the chance to socialize. You worked hard and you did a good job-- you deserve a party. Alcohol truly isn’t the best for your brain, but you will just decide to call it selfcare. It’s not like you’re getting blacked-out drunk tonight anyway.

You manage to have small talk with a few people from your class. Though it’s not exactly what’s stimulating your brain, you don’t mind it. You barely know these people and you couldn’t care less, but you guess this is the downside of socialising. 

The alcohol in your veins doesn’t give you a chance to loosen up, though. You only feel your body warmer with the beer hitting your system, but your feelings still taste of salt, your brain not cooperating with your grandiose happiness plan and you think the people talking to you notice, since no one really tries to keep you in a conversation long enough when you start to absently nod at them and pay zero attention to what they’re saying. You don’t blame them, though. You’d probably do the same in their place.

Your feet move their way to the front door when you decide that maybe your mum wasn’t right, completely ready to go home and pity yourself for a few more days before coming back to life, when a familiar voice calls you from behind, making you freeze in your spot.

“Y/N, long time no see.”

Han Jisung watches you with glossy eyes, yet he tries to look nonchalant at the sight of you. It doesn’t feel like his heart is breaking when he sees you right here and there, chewing on your bottom lip, more or less, it feels numbing to his heart and his head. It’s like he expected it all from the start-- the outcome that once so surprised him. But after all this time he spent overthinking and dwelling on the memory of seeing you kissing his best friend, it made sense to him. 

“Jisung…”

He can see your eyes growing worried when you watch over him and he mentally slaps himself for not handling his emotions with more care back then. He could have spared you a lot of pain and trouble if he hadn’t reacted in such a way in the doorway of your classroom, but the truth is, Han Jisung hadn’t really known just how much a true heartbreak feels and nothing could ever prepare him for the physical pain numbing his chest. He didn’t know it could hurt so much. 

He doesn’t want to worry you. You are still his friend, after all, right? That’s all you always have been and he should have understood it from the first moment he saw you gaze at his friend so lovingly in the university halls one day. He thinks you, yourself, didn’t even recognise the emotion in you when you watched over Felix with so much care, with so many stars in his eyes and a big grin on your face. He could never compare himself to Felix.

He doesn’t want to worry you anymore, and so he decides to talk to you like a friend would. You looked like you could use a friend tonight.

“How have you been?” he asks, smiling at you. He hopes his eyes convey the emotion he feels-- how after all this time, he still feels comfortable with you and desperately needs you to do the same. He can’t lose another friend. Not to love. 

That happens every single time. Truth be told, Jisung used to have a problem with differentiating true love from platonic feelings sometimes. He used to think he falls out of love just as quickly as he falls in, but the truth is that it was never even love at all. Sometimes, it was just pure admiration. Feelings for a friend. And he managed to ruin all his friendships just because he started dating them. 

And then, he just kept searching and searching for the right one, because no one ever felt right. No one ever made him feel loved, no one ever made him feel love. It felt suffocating, but so, so addicting. He could never give up on trying to find love.

And then he met you. And it finally made sense-- it finally felt right.

“I’m… I’m fine, thanks,” you say, smiling at him with that smile that still, admittedly, made his heart race and swell with love. He’s not afraid to call the emotion by its name. It doesn’t feel wrong. He used to think he wants it to stop, but the truth is, it still feels nice. 

Love feels like loneliness sometimes. It’s a bittersweet feeling. But it’s still so, so addicting.

“Are you sure?” he asks. He knows you. He knows when something’s wrong.

He also knows your eyes have been searching for his roommate for the past few minutes of your conversation. He knows you want to meet him and avoid him all at once, love him and leave him-- it was a paradox. 

He knows his roommate way too well, though. He knows he can’t fall out of love with you. He knows, though, that he’ll never act upon it. Lee Felix has always been the sweetest person in this whole entire world-- putting the needs of others before his own. He can’t keep doing this to himself.He can’t keep doing this to you.

“I think you know the answer, Jisung. Why do you keep asking, then?” you bitterly snicker, going around him and escaping the noisy house. Jisung doesn’t know if you want to leave, if you want to escape his presence, but he can’t leave you just like that, and so he follows you outside, seeing you sitting at the doorstep, as if you were waiting for him.

“You don’t have to think of me, you know that, right?” he says once he takes a seat next to you, watching your expression change into a pained one. 

“It’s… I don’t know. It’s complicated. And Felix- he doesn’t think it’s right. I can’t force him into anything. It was his choice anyway,” you mutter. Jisung sighs heavily, the feeling your words on his chest heavy and solemn. He hates the fact that he is standing in the way of your happiness. He hates the fact that he is the problem, the invisible wall keeping you two from each other. 

“It’s simple, though.” he shrugs.

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. He takes it upon himself to explain before you begin to tell him that it’s not, opting to open your eyes on his own.

“You two are in love with each other. So you should be together. Isn’t that simple?” he asks, smiling at you subtly.

You scoff and shake your head. “He gave up on us.”

“Did he, or did he just do what he felt was right?” Jisung argues. “You can’t keep hiding from each other. You can’t keep trying to ignore your feelings just because I like you. That’s not fair for either of you.”

You don’t argue with him this time. He wonders what’s going on inside of your head at the moment, with your eyebrows furrowed and your bottom lip trapped in your teeth. You look just like all the times he watched you during your tutoring sessions-- focused and lost in thought. It will feel weird to not see you in that way anymore, but he has to try.

The same way Lee Felix always tried for him.

“You’re too sweet, Han Jisung. What a shame our timing’s off.” you say, bitterness coating your voice. He looks up at you again, wondering what your words mean. “I used to like you back then, you know,” you smile.

Here it is, the strange emotion again. The emotion of almost physical pain, a hand squeezing his heart, a knife stabbed into his back. It feels like his world is crumbling down on him, because he’s stupid-- so stupid. He could have had you back then. He could have been with you all this time, only if he wasn’t late. He missed his biggest chance, the biggest opportunity, the happiest time of his life. All because he was too hesitant. 

He didn’t deserve you anyway.

“But now your timing’s right with Felix. Don’t waste that,” he says, biting through the pain.

Because the truth is, if anyone deserved love, it was his roommate. The one that refused you for him, the one that rejected you for him, the one that set him up on a date with you even though you invited him in the first place. The one who gave up on his love only so he wouldn’t hurt his friend. You could say that Jisung was too good for this world, but Lee Felix is the one that deserves the whole entire world, in his eyes.

Maybe these two were just too good of friends. Caring about the other one twice as much as about themselves. And that’s exactly why Jisung will get over this-- he’ll push you to his friend. So he could be happy, finally. 

“Jisung, I don’t know-”

“Do it,” he cuts you off, “reach out to him again. Try it. For me.”

y/n: meet me at the 8Bistro at 9 

Felix can’t believe himself when he finds his legs moving to the direction of the bistro at the edge of the town. He knows it’s the last one on your list, the one you invited him to so you could celebrate your finals in and he finds himself wondering if he could have gone here with you earlier only if the two of you didn’t share that kiss back then.

That damned kiss he couldn’t stop thinking about for the last few days-- even weeks, every time he opened his eyes in the morning and closed them when he was about to sleep. It kept following him like a curse, a thing he couldn’t escape, as if it was testing him like the snake tested Eve in paradise. Foreign fruit. 

You’re sitting there already when he arrives, fingers playing with each other as you gaze at the door in expectation. He sees your usual order already on the table, assuming you got here early, but it’s untouched as your knee bumps up and down under the table and you bite down harshly on your bottom lip.

He takes a seat, allowing himself to look at you again after such a long time. It feels like it’s been ages, yet you still look the same to him-- the same beauty that hit him when he first met you and shared his biggest secret with you.

“Why aren’t you eating? You have to finish off your list,” he mumbles awkwardly, motioning to the food at the table.

“I wanted to wait for you.” you say. Your voice is quiet, almost shy, when you speak to him. He wonders just how much he fucked up that it made you act this way. He knows it’s probably a lot, but considering he’s sitting here right now, he can still fix it.

At least he hopes so. 

“Did you.. Do you want to talk to me about something?” he asks, nervosity filling his veins as he feels his hands form a little swimming pool with just how much he’s sweating.

“Yes,” you nod, taking a deep breath in and out. He wonders if you’re just as nervous as he is. The answer is probably yes, considering your tense shoulders and restless legs, but he doesn’t comment on it as he watches you begin speaking again. “I wanted to tell you that I’m- I’m in love with you. And that it’s for real, and it’s for you and no one else,” you start, quickly wetting your lips and continuing again, “and I know you must feel like a second choice, or like you weren’t important to me at all, but that’s not true.”

“You helped me so much, really, but the more I hung out with you, the more I realised just how wonderful you are. And how your heart is so big, how you’re fun to be around…” you ramble, taking Felix by surprise with your heart-felt monologue, “and that Jisung is not the one for me, because, well, it was just.. it was just a crush. I didn’t know him. He didn’t even know me that well. Crushes… they don’t mean anything. They’re silly. But what I have with you, Felix…” you say, drifting your eyes away from him for a second,

“I know you. The real you. And you know me. You’ve seen me at my worst. You’ve seen me struggle and you know exactly how to help. You know me and I know you and the feelings I have for you are much more than a silly crush. I love you, Felix. And I don’t want to just forget about us.” you complete and Felix swears he can feel his eyes watering at your words. He chooses not to speak up, afraid of his voice breaking, afraid he’s going to embarrass himself in front of you. His emotions got the best of him and right here and now, no one else matters. 

It’s you. You that feels like home, you, the only girl he’s ever loved. You, the only girl that ever loved him back, you, who he foolishly rejected. 

You’re everywhere. In his veins, in his heart, in his foolish, stupid mind.

“Felix… I don’t want you to give up on us.” 

He looks up, seeing your sincere eyes and a look full of worry. You seem so wonderful to him, even now. You’re everything he’s ever dreamt of, a home without a roof and walls. With you, he feels at ease. He trusts you. He’s never felt this way for anyone before.

He watches you and he hears your laugh, he hears your whines when he used to tease you so much. He hears the sound of your memories when he chased you around in the snow. He hears the opening song of Howl’s moving castle, reminding him of the warmth he felt when you hugged him so close that evening.

He used to want to hate you. He should have known that could never be the case.

You’re all he needs-- all he wants. You’re everywhere he looks, in every beauty of the world and in everything that’s dear to him. 

You, you, you, you.

And so he decides-- it’s time to change his plan.

Lee Felix’s bullet-proof guide to loving you: 1) hold her hand, 2) get rid of the guilt, 3) lean in and kiss her.

“Does that mean you’re giving us a chance?” you ask, hopeful eyes glaring at him with millions of stars in them, sparkles swimming around in perfection.

“We’ll talk after you eat. You have a yelp review to write,” he laughs.

“Feli-”

Lee Felix’s bullet-proof guide to loving you: 4) shut her up by forcing french fries into her mouth.

“I love you too.”