#Just two best of friends hanging out~
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Here at last~ ✨
~
@justanaspiringsomeone 's oc, Spencer~
#touchstarvedgame#touchstarved game#touchstarved oc#other's oc#Spencer Conleth Rembrandt |||#my oc#Muadarin#my artwork#Just two best of friends hanging out~#Soft moments~#🖤
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Pokémon Masters EX spoilers ahead!
Kabu likes to play TAG with his pokemon... and he's shown to have a much softer side beneath his strictness in pokemas too... he's so grandpa-shaped to me 😭💖
#you guys have to know that today has been an eventful day for me. like... non-stop serotonin because I got one good news after another#(i celebrated my ultimate ship's day + speed-run and sacrificed sleep to post 2 fics for today's sake + successfully bought prints of said#ship with two of my bird app friends + successfully secured a birthday cafe event for a character in my city where i can meet said friends)#like. my heart was in OVERDRIVE 😭😭😭 adding kabu to the lodge has me falling off the bed from how much i giggled and rolled on it 😭😭😭#i need to replay swsh but i swear he wasn't this gentle and caring in the games 😭💗 like this scary old grandpa is actually very soft 🥺🫶#my head is spinning from thinking about how good his gym trainers' morales are with him keeping it up. or how he must be well-loved in#motostoke for not just being an encouraging gym leader but also an approachable and kind citizen. no wonder nessa and milo regularly hangs#out with kabu and that he and raihan are tor-colleagues 😭😭😭 he's actually so earnest in showing that he cares for others with each line#ossan you have to tell me which of your pokemon plays tag the best!!! and is that how you wind down after training!!! 😭💗#giving pokemas writers a big smooch on their foreheads because they're so genius for this man. yes it is a cash grab but they're doing kabu#sooo much justice too with each of his appearance... like yeah take my gems for once! you actually did a splendid job for my favorite ojisa#i don't know if i'm just still a 6 y.o girlie loving kazuhiko inoue's kakashi or i'm just itching for familial tenderness but man. he's suc#a comfort character to me now... i didn't expect that in 2024 but i'm grateful i could pull him and enjoy talks with this ossan now 🥺🫶#gym leader kabu#pokemon kabu#pokemon sword and shield#pokemon swsh#pokemon masters ex#pokemas#pmex#pokemon masters ex spoilers#pmex spoilers#pokemas spoilers#swsh#galar#pasio#trainer lodge
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a book with geralt 😃
a book with geralt without ciri 😐
a book with geralt without yennefer 😔
a book with geralt without dandelion 💀
#he is going to be going THROUGH IT#he is going to get up to some absolutely poetless behavior#and by that i’m expecting at least one suicide attempt from him#maybe it’s just me and my ‘suffered socially in middle school’ type of memories#but being alone is so soooo painful and going back to that geralt before his best friend and his wife and his child is going to be like#remember when geralt didn’t have much reason to live remember that time in his life#geralt as a near-middle age adult: oh my god this guy is so sad#geralt as a young adult: 😶💀 [speechless at the suffering]#unless dandelion does show up in this somehow but that would pose more logistical questions#imagine we see posada and they meet then and it’s revealed that edge of the world actually takes place with them like 19 and 26 or some#unexpected consideration like… reading eotw back i’m going to be like wait… how old WERE you two here how long ago WAS this#because characters unlike people are immortal because they are ideas#so when you imagine geralt and dandelion even ‘a long time ago’ i just imagine them slightly younger#whatever is done dandelion’s age will never make sense because count 38 and subtract 15. this is his age when ciri was born.#and yet he is hanging out with geralt here in his 30s because friendship is so eternal it slipped the author’s mind to change them#unlike in-universe netwitcher headcanons about jaskier being immortal i believe dandelion is immortal in a meta sense of his presence is so#necessary for geralt’s character that despite logic he must be there for him in the same form no matter the circumstances#geralt and dandelion meeting as young men: [each thinking to himself] ‘huh this guy is stupid and looks gay’#and then an epic best friendship was formed forever. i love you ❤️#the elbow-high diaries
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Fabian and Riz to me are like. They’re like the definition of “a secret third thing” to me but not like in a qpr way. Their thing is just Their Thing, like they’re inseparable they drive each other fucking bonkers they care so deeply and they’re stupid teenagers and I don’t think they would even really think about it at all. I don’t think either of them can imagine a world where they’re not at least around the other, and like whatever their thing is definitely isn’t allo but it’s definitely not regular besties shit. They just like being around each other, I don’t think either of them would really even think to put a name to whatever it is they’ve got going on, and I definitely don’t think either of them would ever put enough thought into it to even figure out what a qpr is, much less label themselves in one. They’re just Fabian and Riz. The Ball and Captain of the Owlbears. They’re just them I think. Idk man.
#kiri rambles#idk dude it’s a hard thought to verbalize I think#as someone who is more recently realizing that I’m PROBABLY at least some manner of arospec and probably also acespec but also in a very-#-happy romantic relationship of nearly two years with my best friend- who’s also thinking he’s at least acespec- I just kinda relate to-#-whatever thing they have going on is#like yeah technically we’re dating but we’re also just like. hanging out mostly. idk#IDK. idk I just relate to their crazy codependent bullshit I guess#fabriz#<- sort of?? idk#like I like some of the ship stuff a lot of it is very funny and I relate to it but I also really respect the more stark aroace Riz-#-believers like I think they’re both true. yeah he IS aroace or at least aroacespec to me but also FROM EXPERIENCE whatever he and Fabian-#-have going on has NO way to be like regularly platonic#I guess this makes me a qpr Fabriz truther?? idk I don’t think they’d ever outright say it#but it’s the same flavor as a qpr I think. it’s in the same vein but neither of them will ever acknowledge it#anyways sorry for my incoherent ramblings I just Feel That Shit man#riz gukgak#fabian aramais seacaster#fabian seacaster#d20#fantasy high#yeah that’s all the tags I’m giving it I’m tired
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"Cuhut it out- you guys!" "Nu-uh, not until you're all perked up first! You don't want those gym challengers meetin' with an ol' mopey leader, do ya?" "Whitney's right, dear friend. No need to hide that beautiful smile of yours, alright?~"
What it takes to cheer up Johto's beloved ghost boy 👻💕
#some incredibly self-indulgent fluff for my own sake SKJDFSNDFS#Morty was having one of Those days where the weight of his responsibilities as leader and expectations as someone meant to bring back Ho-Oh#-felt a little too heavy to handle (more so than usual)#luckily his best friends (and mayhaps crush of nearly an entire decade) are here to take a stand against his low mood 🤼#I've been having brainrot of Whitney's dynamics with these two alrighttttt they all deserve to be silly with each other#best wingman award goes to this girlie for putting up with these two's mutual pining antics for years sdkfjskjdfh#the way I see it Morty and Whitney were besties way back before they had even become leaders (with Morty being the older between them)#there were definitely rumors going around between their towns about how they're an item#when the reality is that Whitney's more focused on winning the affections of the other cute girls she hangs out with#while Morty's a repressed gay lad burdened with religious guilt SDJFHUISJDNFS /LH /LH#the second Whitney caught wind of Morty actually developing a crush on someone you just Know she was on his ass Immediately#asking about aaall the details--who he is- what he does- how he dresses- if he could even conceivably pass her standards of how a--#--fitting partner for her best friend's meant to be#to which an incredibly exasperated Morty struggles to answer because Eusine is just beyond his comprehension /affectionate#when Whitney does eventually get to meet him in person the first time she most certainly takes a jab at his fashion sense SDKJFSDFNS#BUT they do end up getting along a lot better than Morty braced for- which was a huge relief to him#it soon reaches that point where Eusine's secretly asking her for details on the things Morty likes and how to possibly impress him#all the while Morty's asking her for advice on how he could cope with his feelings when he's still unsure on whether they'd be requited#Whitney finds the whole ordeal simultaneously very funny and perhaps one of the most frustrating things imaginable SDKJFSKDNFS#enough of me yapping thouuughhhhhh I should save that for its own post 🏃♀️🏃♀️🏃♀️#pokemon tickle#gym leader morty#morty pokemon#gym leader whitney#whitney pokemon#mystery man eusine#eusine pokemon#eusine#lee!morty#ler!eusine
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OCs today because I really missed them. Since I wanted details still but with less effort (aka no shading) I opted for their DND AU versions.
Not pictured: Paul (a Pauladin if you will) messing up and probably nearly dying for the fifth time.
#my characters#oops i fell in love#silly lil plot tag for my silly lil traumatized people (minus Rick he's not traumatized)#right is the cleric here and he's the main character and is best friends with brent the black haired guy#brent has ABSOLUTELY no room to talk about weird best friends#right literally calls brent fuckwad (affectionate) and has him saved in his phone as that and brent thinks its endearing#you have NO ROOM to call karen weird because she craves eldritch blasting paul#rick is just a v nice and polite guy who matches with karen on dating apps all the time#they went on one date and then promptly ghosted each other and then matched again and were like hmmmm awkward#and eventually the two become friends and she hangs out with him and there is zero romance#right and brent do eventually do the talking and the communication and eventually date im proud#since rick doesnt actually really hang out with the whole group just karen im p sure she convinces chris the gm#to make her an npc to replace best friend status because killing paul is really tempting with no consequences#right however is v much NO WAIT THERE ARE MANY CONSEQUENCES EVEN IF HES USELESS#paul off to the side hey wait thats mean :c im trying#anyway sorry i love my ocs and talk about them a lot once i start bye
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Late Night quick thing (New Age Sillies)
Bad news: That joke post about including Reset + Orchid is definitely not canon. (I legit got sad thinking about Reset being in a universe where Orchid isn't- because their stories are so so intertwined- but Nightmare 100% would NOT risk the whole twins exploding Error's soul thing.)
Good news: This means I COULD include Kane (Reset's older brother who usually dies in timelines where Reset is born) and use it to develope his character a bit more! Also! Perhaps a Blue × Dream kiddo is finally in the stars for me to design?
#new age au#really enjoying the idea of Reaper + Geno having an heir at some point (and them sending that heir over to Night's kingdom for#exposure to other places as well as to hang with his third cool knight dad who's hard at work 🙏)#Kane has little to no development besides being a perfect angel (foil to Reset's eventual turn to poor choices) so I'd love to do#to him what I do to every oc of mine. (Namely: Throw them into the Kingdom and see what they do.)#oh! and I could see Blue and Dream (beloved boys) listening to the warnings of possible complications if they try to have a lil babybones#and Dream deciding he'd take the risk and carry the growing soul#(<- though tbf this is MANY years into the future and they'd be well established knights of the realm)#i'm not evil so they *would* manage to avoid the twins curse and have a singular beautiful babybones#they'd get raised partially on the move but stay behind with Night and Error if the two had a more dangerous mission#and grow up to be an obnoxiously powerful warrior following after their dads#(but they'd probably be hesitant to follow into the footsteps of being a knight and might go on a quest with friends before choosing a#final path for themselves)#<- Most spoiled rotten kid ever. courtesy of Nightmare and Error and all their extended family <3#oh last note. Ancha has me cracking up w/ ideas for Cross potentially meeting someone and I was beamed w/ an old ship request post I saw and#I think it'd be funny to include Lust in here somehow... (probably call him smth else as a nickname but y'know-)#like. He works in the city around the castle as some sort of... idk tailor? and he's been making things for Nightmare for years without#knowing because Ccino always was discreet about the orders and providing measurements + always tipped well so it was none of his business#but one day it's like. before a big announcement ceremony or smth and Ccino drags Cross in by the scruff because no one can get him to get#clothes that actually fit aside from armor (hc he steals the others clothes a lot and wears 1 shirt until it's threadbare)#so Ccino makes him go to Lust and Lust is able to get him fitted for sone new outfits because. well. Lust doesn't do much but he's very very#handsome and Cross is super easily flustered and shy around new people and he's awkward and aughhh.#and then he thinks about the interaction for the next month before deciding he's going to ask Ccino to go back there again.#and Lust likes dressing Cross up in new outfits (everyone thinks it's great Cross is loosening up and meeting new friends cuz Lust introduce#s him to people in town) and it takes forever for Cross to get over his worries and ask Lust out to a ride on his horse (romantic. of course#) and Lust agrees because he's charmed.#and the best part would be Cross *actually* manages to keep it a secret. like. no one finds out until one morning Killer bursts into Cross'#room to wake him for surprise training and it's Cross. the weird Dog. and- holy shit did Cross have someone over???#Cross pulls the cool ones frfr 🙏#it's just a casual thing between them with little plot relevance or drama I think. just a chill lil relationship 🙏
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For the WIP ask game, what is Pariah Nexus part 2?
Sure! I had a lot of fun writing this fic for @two-reflections for the 40k holiday fic exchange, about Sa’kan from the Pariah Nexus animated miniseries. And I want to write a little sequel! Some continuing adventures for our big green guy and the deathmark, focusing a little more on the latter this time. Bring Szeras back to cause problems. He��s so good at causing problems XD
The story revolves around Sa’kan and the Deathmark finding another group of human survivors…which causes issues as they are rather skeptical of Sa’kan’s new robot friend.
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The Deathmark could hear Sa’kan’s steady breathing. The Astartes was asleep. That gave the Deathmark pause. He was allowing himself to be so vulnerable, despite the uncertainty of their new circumstances. Even a human could cut the jugular of a space marine if the latter was unconscious. Yet Sa’kan slept, trusting the Deathmark to keep watch. Keep them both safe when the unavoidable needs of flesh finally claimed their due. That made them listen to the other humans’ conversation all the more closely. In case they did decide to present a threat. Even their hushed murmurings across the camp could not escape the Deathmark’s audiocreptors. They might as well have been shouting right beside them. “—telling you, we can’t trust him,” one whispered. The youngest one, with the dirty yellow hair. “That’s one of the Emperor’s angels,” their sibling protested. “We have to trust him, even if he seems strange.” “But what if…” he dropped his voice even further. “What if he’s a fallen angel? And that’s why he’s consorting with one of those abominations?” One of the three grunted. The Deathmark was not sure what that meant, until they realized it was the old woman with one eye scoffing at the younger pair. “That’s no fallen angel.” “How do you know?” the youngest demanded. The elder spat something onto the ground. “‘Cause. Fallen angels got spikes.” The Deathmark shared in the ensuing dumbfounded silence. “Spikes?” said the sister. “Spikes. Big ones, all over the armor.” It sounded as if she were attempting to light a lho stick. “Saw a fallen Astartes when I was active in the Guard. Had bunch of skulls on there too.” “Why would fallen angels all wear spikes?” The youngest sounded as if they were sneering. “You wanna get close to one, you feel free to ask.”
#WIP ask game#pariah nexus#i am so enamored with these two#Buddy adventure across the grim dark future hellscape#They are gonna be best friends forever and nothing will tear them apart#I mean szeras is gonna try it is what he does#I just wanna hang out with these wacky guys some more
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Thinking about the relationship between Tuvok and Vorik, and how despite following the same set of principles, they still have wildly different personalities. And they both know this. They know they're not compatible in that way and that if not for voyager, neither of them would interact with the other at all. But they also know that they're the only two vulcans still left on this ship.
And I know Tuvok might be able to cope with that given his friendship with Janeway and how close he's gotten with Neelix and well... everyone.
But Vorik? (This is all just projection cuz sadly we don't get to know much about him BUT-) imagine that voyager was his first posting, and he's just out here with little to no experience on humans and without having been able to form proper bonds yet or to fully learn to regulate his emotions, and he's trying so very hard to integrate but he doesn't quite know how.
And how Tuvok sees him and thinks 'ah yes, a child in need of guidance' but then notices how incompatible they are and so whenever the two interact it's just this quiet understanding of biologically, culturally- we are the same, but Respectfully I Do Not Like You
#read this fic and it mentioned people commenting on how all the human crew members think Vorik and Tuvok#should be best friends and hang out all the time cuz they're the only two vulcans#and I've just been thinking about that#also sorry if this post is a mess but im writing this at 3 am#... I guess i dont see them Disliking each other btw#more like... you know when you meet someone and all in all they're an okay person but they just dont...you just cant...its not....you know?#idk none of this makes sense probably lol#ANYWAYS to bed I go byee#startreck#startrek#vulcans#vulcan#star trek#vorik#💚original post💚#voyager#solok#tuvok
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LOVE when the pharmacy decides to fucking dick around with my meds so badly that now I’m off my mood stabilizer, my pain meds, and my fucking birth control (in a few days) because they’re insisting I should have extra fucking bottles of each one and I DONT because they don’t let me pick up more than a one month supply of narcotics at a fucking time so do explain where these extra bottles are, hmm ????? and they didn’t have enough caplyta ordered last time to even give me my usual 3 months supply of that so … ???? get your fucking heads out of your asses and give me the fucking meds you owe me ??? like ??? but I’m in a nasty headspace right now so if I call the pharmacy this morning, I’m going to be that cunt ass customer they bitch about all day because this isn’t the first time they’ve done this. in fact, the first time, they straight up committed insurance fraud by marking one of my scripts as filled and picked up WHEN, IN REALITY, THEY FUCKING LOST THE SCRIPT AND HAD NO RECORD OF IT BEING FILLED OR PICKED UP IN THEIR SYSTEM, BUT YET, MARKED IT AS SUCH AND CHARGED MY INSURANCE AN ALMOST 8 GRAND FOR THE FUCKING 3 MONTHS OF MY MOOD STABILIZER THAT I. NEVER. RECEIVED. I’m genuinely about to report this entire pharmacy to the pharmacy board because I’m so fucking done with this place. it needs to be shut the fuck down because you’re telling me, out of an entire pharmacy, y’all share the same IQ point AND dead brain cell, collectively ??? then don’t fucking work in healthcare where people rely on you to know your shit and keep track of their fucking meds because you’re just constantly making shit worse on people since you can’t seem to not fuck around with these meds and not ‘lose’ scripts. fuck out of here.
and I’m pretty much out of weed, which is usually my back up pain management method, without the money to afford a delivery order by their cut off time to order in 3 hours because I just paid my fucking bills and have SOME to go towards it, but not enough for delivery to be free, and I’d still have to walk my ass to one of the ATM’s nearby because they don’t accept my bank as a prepaid method OR any of the cards I have on my person. 🫠
I can literally feel my back spasming and seizing on and off while I’m laying on my fucking side, I’ve had a migraine with a stupid ass aura for almost a week now because chronic migraines fucking suck and i was REALLY hoping this one would be over by now, my muscle inflammations that my pain meds are supposed to limit are already beginning to start their itching deep in my muscles so soon they’ll blossom into a whole fibromyalgia fucking episode and become entirely inflamed, my joints in my hands fucking hurt because of the dreary weather so I really need to get into a rheumatologist at some point soon as well and get that shit figured out, I’m nauseas as fuck from all the pain, and I’m moody, hormonal, and just feel like fucking death physically.
I’m just. I give up.
this shit is exhausting and painful and so mentally fucking taxing to constantly deal with and I just want a fucking break from all this fucking shit. I wish I could just … not exist … for even just a little while with how fucking painful existing actually feels right now 🫠😭
#i hate that CT weed is so fucking expensive#half a fucking ounce shouldn’t cost me $250 …….. not when I can go to MA and get an ounce for $108 after tax ……..#but I don’t have a way to MA because my fucking best friend. who made plans with me OVER THE WEEKEND. HER. SHE INITIATED THEM.#canceled on me last second even though I texted her early the night before when I know she would see it 🫠#nope instead she waited from the text I sent at 6:30pm until noon the next day to cancel because her period is kicking her ass#NOT FOR FUCKING NOTHING BUT SO THE HELL IS MINE ???? AND IM ANEMIC ??? AND DEALING WITH ALL THIS EXTRA PAIN ON TOP OF IT ????#and I know I’m being irrational and insensitive because pain tolerance is a sliding scale for everyone#but like fucking come on you do this 3 out of 4 times YOU make the plans to hang out and I’m fucking over it.#plus I’m the one that always pays for everything and does she ever even OFFER to hit me back for the COUNTLESS ounces of weed I’ve got her#all because she couldn’t afford it so I said I’d cover it and she never paid me back. I’ve bought her at least a grand’s worth of weed#just over the last couple months and she’s never ONCE offered to pay me back for a single one#like ……… I don’t expect it. I give if I have it. but you can’t even just offer ??? like the invitation to pay me back would be enough to no#leave m ragingly pissed off and feeling used as an atm again for yet another ‘friend’ because they don’t even OFFER to be considerate#of course I’d say not to worry about it but it doesn’t even cross your fucking head to ask if I want anything towards it#like the next time you get paid ??? when you go and spend your own money on weed that day but can’t reimburse me for anything IVE paid for#oh and I always have to give her gas money if I even simply just want to hang out because she’s always fucking broke somehow#and she works in healthcare like bitch I know what you make and you can’t play that you don’t have enough to get by or throw me 50 bucks#towards YOUR weed that I’m buying every once in a fucking while when I’m already paying for everything fucking else#I’m so angry and I know I’m being irrational and bitchy but this is what happens when you’re tripped off your meds cold turkey#and one of them is a mood stabilizer that makes it so you DONT feel this way about people and aren’t so bitter when you’re let down 🫠🫠🫠#because now my rejection sensitive dysphoria is going to be triggered even easier than usual and I’m just.#I actually fucking give up. I don’t even know what to do here. the pain going through my body is so fucking intense#I keep losing my train of thought because everything hurts and then every once in a while a DIFFERENT pain acts up and throws itself in too#I just. I just can’t fucking win.#I hate fucking struggling with my mental state like this when I’m off my meds.#and because I have to be a month without my stabilizer/pain management/birth control it’s going to take me ANOTHER month to get readjusted#to those in my body so I won’t feel normal again until nearly fucking mid to end January the earliest#and that’s fucking bullshit. I’m going to fucking **** myself by the time I get back on these fucking meds since it’ll take that long#fucking hell I just. I give up. I give in. I’m self isolating and cutting myself off from everyone because it’ll be in THEIR best interest#for me to do so when I can’t control my mind like this. I’m so tired of feeling so fucking shitty and I’ve only been off them for two days
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oc req i got from a friend on cohost for these two hanging out! which eventually turned into me thinking "what if this is just saiph walking up to ramus unprompted on Guild Beach Day, but ramus fully forgot who he was since they last met" and that concept was funny enough to me that thats what the drawing became
but still, here's an edited (technically original) version under the cut bc i think eventually they start to talk for real anyway lol
#finn's ocs#finn's art#i also for a second thought it would be a little bit funny for ramus's reply to be ''what the fuck happened to your tits'' but#stylized top surgery scars get too much shit so i figured it would be low hanging fruit even if in isolation its funny#also wrt the scars ik some ppl scar darker while some scar paler im not just being inconsistent 😅 i hope that comes across well#but yeah i think its better if they just hang out normally anyway. theyre just two dudes#even if ramus forgor and even if saiph would just walk up to random ppl on the beach and Start Talking#bc he acts like everyone in the world is his best friend. ask levy from the train station#which. is a character ive also only talked abt on cohost i think? whatever that desc tells you everything you need to know#i also have a polaris wip recommended from the same friend but i got carried away here#also theres a secondary joke of the crab getting closer. be careful.#and a third joke of the crab having the same accessories as cancer. his pet perhaps. as all crabs in the ocean are#also all of ramus's stuff is just his guildmates stuff bc theyre there too and they share#i feel like if any guild would just share all their shit its the hippies in the woods right#thats my commentary. this ended up becoming a bigger drawing than i intended bc i kept thinking abt stuff
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let me talk abt about my platonic sillies he’s literally my best friend …. like he’s my honorary little cousin I would kill for …… if anything happens to him no one will be safe and I mean it.
#ITS FUN TO IMAGIEN WHAT CHARACTERS YOU’D BE BEST FRIENDS WITH ….#literally we’re the only two with tails in this bitch …. we got that in common ……#I love dixie and tiny so much too AND CRANKY !!!!! GRANDPAAAA 🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️🗣️#literally the thought of just hanging out with them makes me happy. smiles#candy ko.ng my best friend candy ko.ng ily 🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽🫶🏽#txt#platonic tag! 🌼
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Everyone wants to make crazy ass assumptions about Azriel or Elain linking them with either people that are decades death or of a whole other series but when i, a girl that wants Helion to have kiki time with both without Lucien in the scene-
#elriel#unrelated to anything i just like thinking about elriel/helion hanging out#I just know he would love teasing a sweetheart like elain only to found iut she can give it back and then they will said unholy things abou#their mutual crush#imagination takes me to their meet. at least one chat. azriel deserves to have two hot people complimenting him while he's standing nearby#helion#helion my best friend helion#i don't think the world would be ready for a helionelain combo lulu you aren't invited to the party btw
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realized i never posted her.. this is soona xeres's best friend :)
#let me get down some facts about her too..#as previously mentioned shes emirati#daughter of fairly wealthy parents she has somewhat luxurious tastes#she loves olives#shes very sharp tongued (loves bullying klein whenever she comes over)#she likes taking xeres on little day trips :) they go to various cities just for a day or two as a girls trip#she almost always has a hair scarf on#she gets rather Into various spiritual practices like card readings and crystals and whatnot#i think shes moreso into them for fun but doesnt necessarily believe in all of it however#she does follow advice from cards though!#her favorite colors are gold olive green and wine red#she rly likes birds!#and she dresses like a bit of a mix of somebodys middle eastern aunt and an old hollywood femme fatale in my mind#oh also joy is also xeress best friend but in different ways.#soona is like her best friend who goes to school w them and they go out together a lot#joy is more like always hanging at xeress place and xeres is his primary link to humanity (and klein too)#soona#ocs#xeres & co
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the thing about having a best friend when you're six is that sometimes that person is your soulmate and your lives become inextricably entwined as you grow together like two young trees which merge into one beautiful inseparable shared existence for all their lives
and sometimes that person is just who happened to live closest to you when you were six
#guess which one I had#feeling really good and normal about how my childhood best friend and I have so little in common that even looking back#I can't for the life of me remember what we even did together when we were spending all of our time together#we loved each other. we did everything together. we spent more time at each other's houses than our own. she was my sister#but then you go to a new school and you're not six or seven or eight any more and the differences between you start to matter more#and then she meets her actual best friend in middle school#while the friends YOU'VE found that you actually resonate deeply with don't really hang out with you outside of school#every 'best friend' I've ever had since then already has an ACTUAL best friend who isn't me#and on the one hand when I say justin is my best friend I don't just mean by default; he's sincerely the best friend I've ever had#but on the other hand I wish I had someone I grew up with#and also thinking about some friends I've made as an adult and thinking 'I wish you had moved in two doors down from me when we were six'#about me
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haven't opened discord since january (and probably was quiet weeks before deciding to stop even looking at it too, but i don't remember for sure) and it's not like i'm planning to open it now, even thought i know that i left it on invisible and that nobody would be able to see if i'm online or not anyway. it's not even about being perceived, i just don't want to see and acknowledge that someone might've been trying to talk to me in a genuine effort to connect or check if i'm alright. let alone respond to that. i've even had a few dreams about it. keep telling myself "next week, next week i'll reach out and fix this" and then i don't. again, it's been months. when shame and guilt will inevitably overweight the feeling that causes this and i do come back, i hope i won't hear a single "i missed you" because i wouldn't even be able to reply "me too" sincerely. which is another thing. i don't really miss people. time isn't real. and it's not anyone's fault, it's not like i don't care about the people who somehow managed to get close enough (although you can argue that if i cared i wouldn't be this way, and you wouldn't be the first one), but it doesn't really help, does it? so much compassion and care completely wasted, and on me of all people
#i like people. i like interactions where it doesn't cross an arbitrary line of being too personal to freak me out and cause whatever this is#and sometimes i like having friends too but eventually something breaks. every fucking time. there are two scenarios really#i'm either a placeholder. a guy you'd be hanging out with between a breakup and finding someone new for example. you know#or i'm your chill somewhat cold friend who one day just fucks off. most likely unprovoked. wouldn't be your fault#boils down to which of those happens sooner i suppose. that's assuming you even manage to get close somehow in the first place#the only way to keep me around is to let me just be somewhere off in the distance. i'd wave at you occasionally and wish you all the best#and those of you who fit this category? i'm glad to know you and i'm grateful to have you around. genuinely. it means a lot#the only form of connection if you can call it that that's actually bearable for me. and as much as i love being alone i do need Something#benvey tag
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