#Just someone who went through a lot of pain in life and is hurting because of it

[nicole-ashwood]

Honestly I think a lot of peoples problem with Chloe come's down to the fact that she's simply just a strong, capable, yet flawed woman. A lot of the 'I Hate Chloe Price' crowd that I've seen (which admittedly I haven't sought out all that much tbh) are weird men who seem to want to nitpick at her for every wrong thing they think she's done.

Some of the same people who say "More women should be mean!" are the same people who call Chloe Price a bitch.

[ch3rrybbie]

hii since you're taking requests could you write something with azriel? maybe something where reader is bonding with Lucien over unrequited mates (except azriel doesn't know they're mates, it has only snapped for her) and she thinks he wouldn't want her but he totally does and is super jealous and then happy ending lol. thanks!

Afterglow

Warnings: angst, reader is depressed?, mentions of canon violence

Note from author: tysm for the request, uni is being uni atm so struggling to write so quick lol but I hope you love itttttt will try get other request and next Randall part out heheh.

———

Lucien had to take you to the great open of the spring court. He was desperate to console you. His worry was etched across his face and yet you felt nothing.

So he sat beside you and waited.

———

You started off into the vastness of the green. Breathe. If you squinted a little the scenery grew blander and reminded you of the mortal lands.You thought back to how this pain had grown.

Your mother had always warned you love made you weak. She saw how deeply you loved Feyre at such a young age, you’d go tripping over branches just to be near her. She saw that if that was how much you loved a friend , to truly love someone would almost certainly destroy you. And human turned fae you felt how much the bond was too heavy to carry.

Your love for Feyre took you north of the border, you were by her side through every fight. Fists clenched and teeth bared. She was your sister and you fought like it. You’d seen every turn of leaf with her and you were so ecstatic to see her reunited with her blood sisters with a baby on the way truly, finally happy.

Yet you were in despair.

———

You, Feyre and Lucien had an instant bond. You rode all over the spring courts, ate, danced and laughed together. Tamlin however, your lip curled at the thought of him.

After being whisked away to the house of wind you remember the exact day you met the cause of all this hurt.

You’d suddenly felt a presence coming, you turned to Rhysand and demanded to know who was here. Both Feyre and Rhysand were stunned as you were still human. Then he approached alongside Cassian and you could barely tear your eyes away. Your heart knew him, your soul , your very being.

And yet he was nothing but sterile towards you only relinquishing a firm nod. Cassian on the other hand swept you up like a mighty warm wave telling you he’d heard lots about you.

———

Months later when your mission to Hybern went disastrously wrong the pain of seeing Azriel broken and dying on the hard stone floor made you want to sweep him up into your arms. All splashing and screaming from Nesta and Elaine had been tuned out you couldn’t help but stare at him breathing cinched. You tried shouting down whatever feeling you had but nothing. Your eyes urged him to get up, look up anything.

“Bring her”, the king lazily waved his hand at you. His men dragged you by your hair, you writhed and screamed.Closer and closer they dragged you level with Azriel and the others. The great hall span and they slammed your head against the stone, chaos ensued with Feyre screaming and Elaine wailing.

In your blurred state you opened your eyes to see shadows and a scarred hand straining your way.

You awoke the freezing water. The cauldron was somehow ice and fire it burned and cooled. It was life and death itself. You prepared yourself to accept the latter.

The mother lent down and kissed your eyes,she bound her blood to yours and gave you a gift.

You didn’t remember much after that.

———

You were in a coma for many moons, Feyre and Rhys sent for healers across the land mostly because your gift from the mother had shown itself. Your longing for home had caused the room they rested you in to be flourishing. It was a sight to behold even Nesta admitted.

Great roots twined around the bedposts, ivy curled around the door, moss and wiry grass shot up from the carpets and flowers bloomed. Elaine took to maintaining your garden, Nesta read to you and Feyre wept over you and stroked your hair. When Lucien had arrived to court he ran straight to your room and shadows seemed to watch over you in everyone’s absence.

Everyone did their part in looking after you, everyone but Azriel.

Throughout your sleep, the flowers rustled, grass weaved its way up to you and roots kept watch. All whispered the events around you, another odd gift of the Mother.

The day you awoke you wasted no time in searching for Azriel, the last you remembered he was dying. You followed the great rope in your soul that had replaced the string that previously tugged you to him.

The study was still and beautiful as you remembered, more so in his presence. His wings grew taught as he sensed your presence. “I’m awake” you couldn’t help but proclaim.

He turned, “I can see that” he coldly threw back.

Your world crumbled, even as fae he couldn’t love you or even feel more than indifference.

He brushed past you, “I shall alert the others”.

You shoulders sank, and yet your heart warmed at the thought of seeing everyone. After an hour of being grabbed, hugged and kissed. You’d all shed as much tears as you could. Feyre and Lucien offered to walk you to your room.

Before you slipped into your room you couldn’t help but ask, “Is he okay?l”. They didn’t even need to ask who, Luciens face softened and Feyres grew taught.

“The past few months have been hard for him Y/N”, Feyre gently lay a hand on your shoulder.

You attempted to be sympathetic before losing control of your temper, “And it wasn’t hard for me?! The least he could’ve done was visit once!” You threw the great oak door to your room open and slammed it in their faces uncaring of how juvenile you were being.

“Y/N” Feyre pleaded, you heard Lucien pull her gently away stating you needed space.

You allowed your anger to flow out of you, translating into great black ropes of thorns growing everywhere and they bowed out of the way of no one but you. That’s not to say everyone didn’t try. One by one they knocked and burst in, only to be defeated by thorns which was entertaining for awhile until you realised yet again everyone came but him.

You send crawling ivy about the house searching for him. It found him in the garden with Elaine, you let it shrivel and die there. You didn’t care who saw anymore.

The thorns grew sharper.

———

Lucien burst in one afternoon he didn’t speak a word, he barelled straight to you. Strands of his fiery hair and drops of blood left in his wake. He grabbed your wrist dragging you out of the fetal position. He winnowed you to the only place he had ever truly seen you happy.

Spring court.

———

“She’s gone!” Feyre cried panicked as she burst into the study. Rhys rushed to her as Cassian and Azriel shared a confused glance.

“Who?” Rhys questioned.

“Y/N, Lucien went up to try coax her out and they’re gone”

Rhys and Cassian froze anticipating Az’s reaction.

Azriel stormed out the room with Cassian not far behind.

“Az where in the cauldrons name are you going we don’t know where she is yet”

“I don’t need to know” he spat back

Cassian gripped his shoulder, “Don’t be stupid” he chastised

“What if it was Ness”

Cassian let him go stunned into silence.

Rhys informed Az mentally you were in the spring court offering to winnow him but he was gone and soaring towards his heart.

———

Lucien carefully started to talk from beside you.

“We were so happy here so I just- , I don’t know I thought I could force that joy back” he looked at your mournful gaze and sighed.

“He’s your mate isn’t he?”

Your head snapped towards him, Lucien could’ve sworn the grass did too.

“Elaine is mine”

The wind stopped and the grass stood still.

You said nothing crawling closer and laying your head on his shoulder, you felt at home.

You felt like a child again.

Tears blurred your vision and you let them slip.

The wind resumed, grass swaying peacefully.

“You know I’ll always love you Lucien no matter what, I mean not like that but you know”

He roared with laughter making you jump and burst out laughing.

You both calmed and watched the vast fields you could’ve sworn you heard the roars of Tamlin in the distance. He stayed away nonetheless.

You rested your head back on Lucien’s shoulder and your tears swelled again.

“What do we do?” you mournfully asked him.

You felt him breathe in sharply before cutting out

“I don’t know” a pause, “but I know you can’t do what you were doing we’re worried about you and rightfully so, I mean you’re been down right lazy. And so cliche, come on thorns-“

You cut him off shoving him over, you never would get used to the new strength you had.

You saw the playful glint in his eye and lept to your feet sprinting away he gave chase and you were back to where you started running around fields being chased by one of the platonic loves of your life. You wished Feyre could happily be here again.

But you finally felt happy again.

Truly.

———

Azriel no longer had to sense your presence he heard your giggles from afar. What he saw made his fists curl. Lucien had grabbed you and started spinning you around. His fury pushed him to land with an earth shattering crack.

He advanced on Lucien as he dropped you in confusion.

“Azriel what are you doing-“

Lucien fell to the ground as Azriel shoved him with thankfully not all of his might.

You surged forward to come between the two. Azriel felt as though the reedy grass was wrapping around his legs.

“What in the cauldron are you doing?!” You yelled, fury sounding across the clearing.

Lucien’s eye squinted as he assessed the situation a slow smile crept onto his face, “I’ll leave you two to it”.

He disappeared.

Azriel still seemed furious, “You can’t just disappear like that Y/N you scared us half to Hybern and back”

Your rage was once again summoned , “Do not delude yourself into thinking you care for me Azriel”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” He spat back

You felt your hands start to shake with anger coursing through you, all this time he disregards and runs from you and NOW he wanted to play possessive.

“You do not get to turn up and demand me to stay at your beck and call when half the time you fly out any room I enter! Shouldn’t you be guarding Elaine or finding places to hide from me”.

Shame finally dared cross his face and he turned from you. His shadows grew more agitated. They retracted from being near you, their proximity startling you.

You turned on your heel and marched into the woods, you needed to get away from him. Before your rage turned into a confession.

“Y/N” you heard him mutter.

You fell into a soft march that was further percussioned by his footfall.

Great knarled trees lining the meadow attempted to stop him from entering the dense forest but he pushed through his shadows staying a whisper away from you.

His shadows didn’t bother reporting back to him.

He knew where you were.

Hunched over the pool of starlight he could’ve sworn you’d crawled out of it,the softening sun cast a glow through the dense trees, a fallen star had come and somehow stolen his heart.

He didn’t even want it back.

———

The pool transfixes you, Feyre had shown it to you during your time there and it soon became your private diary. Little whispers you’d let skim across the surface and lift the weight from your shoulders. When you met the inner circle and came to know Velaris you were so sure you were home. That the stars had listened. You were now sure they must’ve forsaken you, ripped out your heart and replaced it with a dying star.

You paid no mind to the crunch of leaves, you’d already felt him follow you there was no need for him the make his presence known.

“Go home” you spat coldly eyes not lifting from the pool of starlight.

“Come home with me” he gently offered.

“My home is closer to here than I ever thought it could be in Velaris” you muttered.

His hurt was palpable.

Good.

As Lucien just did he relented and came and sat next to you in silence.

The dying star inside you was getting darker with the realisation you’d always feel like way about him and you couldn’t have a mortal lifespan this would be generations of hurt.

So you spoke.

“Why Azriel, why are you here who sent you” you muttered dejected.

“No one. I-….” He trailed off lost thought, jaw clenched with the unspoken.

“Tell the truth” you sighed.

“Please just for once in all the time you’ve known me give me something” you begged.

He looked back over to you, wind brushing over you how he longed to.

He steeled himself, guard finally dropping.

“I was so afraid watching you that day”.

Silence as your brow furrowed.

“Your human body was so fragile, tossed around like blown sand.” Eyes tearful and locked on you.

“And I had to lie there dying and watch you almost die and that was a greater anguish than anything they could’ve unleashed on me”. He sighed as he saw you squint at him.

You stood angrily finger pointed at him as Nesta did. He couldn’t help his lip twitching,you really were one of them.

“If this is some ploy to bring me back to Velaris you will find you’re sorely mistaken in its use.” A great seething hiss of air spat at him.

He couldn’t help but laugh, only you could take a confession with suspicion. From almost crying to the woman he loves to laughing in her face, could this day get any worse?

“You jest?! I laid in wait of you for seven moons Azriel and you were nowhere to be seen! Lusting after Elaine I suppose” A dry laugh cut from your mouth.

All humour abandons him

“Is that what you suppose?” He huffed.

He rounded on you and stood towering, gathering the patience he needed to confess.

Patience found he continued.

“I couldn’t bear to see you laid there unmoving” he breathed deeply he looked furious. “I’d only just recovered so I sent my shadows although I suspected they were already watching when I couldn’t”.

Your face softens. Shoulders sagging.

He continues, breaking those walls you so flimsily held against him.

“For that I apologise, I should’ve been there no matter how much it hurt. I was with Elaine because her gardening reminded me of you the most” he smiles “after you so spontaneously decided to decorate it was the closest thing I had to you, the only thing of you I could touch”

Your lips part in want.

“I have wanted you from the moment I smelt you, and when I saw you my fate was sealed” he smirks at your lust struck face, hand going to cup it.

“Why not tell me?”

“I saw how well Elaine and Lucien’s discovery went” he smoothed his fingers against your lips.

You seized his hand, “I felt it when I was human, I felt you when I was human and I always will”.

Tension was strung like the fireflies now floating above you as dusk encroached.

He smiled and crushed his lips to yours in what felt like a thousand years of longing.

You both drew back just staring at each other,relief blatant.

“Let’s go home” his eyes pleaded.

“Sure” you smile

“I’ll cook” you smooth hair behind his ear as his eyes widen.

“Are you sure?” He asks warily.

“I tell you I’ve known you were my mate when I was human and you question me?” You laugh heartily.

“Now move it bat boy” you march off with a smirk.

He has no choice but to follow his heart.

And come up with an apology and thank you for Lucien.

[linkspooky]

The Next Gojo Satoru

As you've probably guessed I have a lot to say about this chapter. However, right away I want to start out by pointing out once again that the fandom is taking a mostly gojo-centric view of this chapter. Which I understand it's Gojo's body that's being puppeteered around and dehumanized in the exact same way that Kenjaku one of the sickest and most inhuman characters used Geto's body.

However I think it shouldn't be understated how shocking it is to see Yuta betray all of his values like this. The most human character who represents love in the cast has given up on the cast and betrayed someone he loves. So let's talk about what this all means for Yuta under the cut.

GOJO GETS AN F IN TEACHING.

I understand why most of the focus is on Gojo, because yes Gojo's body is the one being violated here. He's not even allowed to rest in death after fighting on the front lines against Sukuna to the point where his brain was hemmoraging in the middle of battle and he was brutally cut in half.

Considering how much horror Gojo experienced when he saw Geto's body taken from him and made into Kenjaku's pupet. Cosidering the horrible pain that Nanako and Mimiko endured just seeing Geto's body still moving around denied a good death (Nanako and Mimiko were tellingly willing to let go and not try to take revenge against Gojo for killing Geto because of their friendship even though Geto was their whole world, but they'd never forgive Kenjaku for taking his body). Considering that Gojo even went out of his way to say he wanted to kill Kenjaku / Geto on Christmas Eve again in order to give him a proper burial it's understandable how horrifying this update is.

This is also a series where the two main antagonists are parasites who take the bodies, and steal away all bodily autonomy from characters like Yuji and Megumi and then force them to do horrible things they would never do and bear witness to it, such as the slaughter at Shibuya, or the murder of Tsumiki at Megkuna's hands.

It's understandable how people had such a visceral reaction to this chapter. However, I think the fandom has a tendency to paint Gojo like he's the central victim of all of Jujutsu Society when he's both victim and perpetrator.

Gojo is someone who has only been regarded as the strongest his entire life, and been used as a tool to keep Jujutsu Society stable his entire life. Gojo is also someone who never tried to be anything other than the strongest, never tried to empathize with anyone other than those who were just as strong as he is, and who raised all of his students to be tools too.

To illustrate my point here's an incredibly similiar character from Tokyo Ghoul: Arima Kishou. They are so similiar that they're both white haired mentor characters to the protagonist, they're both the strogest in their respective worlds, and Gege straight up copied this section of panels from the Tokyo Ghoul Manga.

Arima is a breeding project, who was bred by the Washuu Family who mxies blood between humans and ghouls through a series of controlled marriages for the purpose of creating hybrid ghoul human children. Arima isn't the ideal hybrid they were looking for, but he was so ungodly talented he quickly rose to being the most powerful and well-respected investigator in the CCG.

However, this is how Arima reacts to the fact that his entire purpose in life was just to be a weapon to kill ghouls.

Arima loathes violence, he loathes being an investigator, he loathes himself most of all and designs his entire political revolution around him finally being killed by Kaneki - to punish himself and also to relieve himself of the burden of living a life where he was only meat to kill others.

Gojo on the other hand loves being the strongest, he lives for Jujutsu. Arima's death is tragic and nihilistic believing his life had no real worth because all he ever was was a weapon to hurt others, whereas Gojo died satisfied.

Arima's last battle against Kaneki is grim, silent, and tragic, he does everything he can to make Kaneki despise him, to force Kaneki to kill him by being the worst version of himself and when Kaneki still wants him to live he just slits his own throat because even if Kaneki forgives him he can't forgive himself. Gojo laughs his head off and has the time of his life fighting against Sukuna, and going out in a blaze of glory.

Gojo dies smiling, Arima dies finally breaking into tears after a life of pretedig to be cold and emotionless. Gojo's dying regret is 1) that Geto wasn't there to say goodbye to him, and 2) that he wasn't able to draw out all of Sukuna's strength. Arima's dying regret was all the pain and suffering he caused throughout his life and how he was never able to rise above his circumstances and be anything other than what he was born to be.

These two characters are incredibly similiar, they are both the strongest, and they were both made into tools by a dehumanizing system they were born into. However, their attitudes are entirely different. Gojo enjoys being strong, and yes part of it is that Gojo himself doesn't realize he's a victim or what society has groomed him into becoming, but the other part is just because it's an ego trip for him. Gojo doesn't see himself as the tragic victim his fandom makes him out to be.

If you were to transplant him into Tokyo Ghoul Gojo would be happily killing ghouls, and he would think killing ghouls is fun because he's the strongest and best at killing ghouls. This is the complexity that is Satoru Gojo, he has been dehumanized and put on a pedestal his ow life, but Gojo also enjoys being on that pedestal and won't ever step down from it willingly.

I'm not saying that Arima is a better person than Gojo. I think the fact that Gojo doesn't think of himself as a victim is tragic in its own right, because he lacks the self-awareness to actually grow and change as a person. In the end both Arima and Gojo believe they couldn't be anything better than what they were, and their only release is death which is just insanely sad to me because as long as the future exists people always have a chance to get better no matter who they are. To give up on the future, to see an early death as a good thing simply because you can't endure life any longer is one of the most hopeless things imaginable.

Gojo's not sad because he was born to be a tool exploited for society's benefit, he's sad because he was lonely. He doesn't even realize it's his own darn fault he's lonely, because not only has Shoko said that he's not alone she's always been right there, but this chapter we get a repeat of Gojo's students begging him to let them in and Gojo himself decided to draw that line between himself and others and thinking an enlightened, godlike being like himself can't possibly be understood.

All of this to say I think Gojo is the sole victim here, but he's the middle of a chain of of victimhood. I think ultimately the biggest victim here is Yuta, and yes I will not only play trauma olympics here I'm going to win.

If this chapter goes to show anything it's that Gojo has completely failed in his ideals of protecting the youth from the dehumanizing system of sorcerers that takes children and reduces them to cogs in a machine.

A lot of people criticize Jujutsu Kaisen for dropping basically all of its political elements and themes of reform in the second half after Shibuya, and while I understand the criticism I think Gege intentionally shifted away from politics because Gojo's political revolution was never going to succeed.

From the beginning Gojo's solution to reforming Jujutsu Society and it's habit of taking away the youth of children and raising them up instead as child soldiers is... to make stronger child soldiers.

This is Gojo's blindspot and it has always been Gojo's blindspot.

It's why Gojo is completely okay with someone like Mei Mei who at the best uses her brother as a human shield to get out of curse domains and has stolen his entire childhood away to make him own pet little shoulder, and at worst actively molests him.

It's why Gojo is stated in the databooks to have only taken an interest in Megumi and Yuta because they were strong.

Gojo understands that he's being exploited by Jujutsu Society, but doesn't understand you need to deconstruct unfair systems of power and exploitation in order to build something better. Gojo from the beginning only had one plan, and that was to replace the people at the top with his own allies who'd support his agenda. He just thought waiting for them to die out and the children to grow up was the more peaceful way of doing it.

Gojo's political revolution was doomed from the beginning and that's why we see him go back on his word this chapter and just slaughter everyone at the top. His choice of a new leader for Jujutsu Society is hardly better than the elders, the person who executed Gojo's teacher and tried to get all the children to kill Itadori early on. Good choice.

This is what Gojo said would happen though, if he just wiped everyone out at the top no real systemic change would occur because they'd just be replaced with someone who wasn't that differet. Gojo's just given up on the notion of lasting change out of pragmatism.

Which is why Gojo himself is not that different from the elders in the first place, not because he's a bad person but because he was shaped by that same society and he's the pinnacle of that society.

I think the thing is and this point often gets ignored - a lot of the choices the elders make are because of outdated traditions like choosing to oppress Maki and Toji just because they challenge the traditional notions of cursed energy.

However, some of the decisions they make are out of cold hard pragmatism. Gakuganji actually turned out to be right in his assassiation attempt against Yuji Itadori. If they had succesfully killed Yuji, then the massacre in Shibuya would have been prevented and likely Kenjaku's plans would have been pushed back. The elders didn't sentence Yuta to execution just to be cruel, or just because they're superstitious but because he's already had several incidents of nearly killing people because he can't control Rika.

It's easy to dismiss the Elders as evil because they're just faceless entities, but then we witness in this very same chapter the main characters making the same heartless decisions out of the same sense of pragmatism.

Gojo understands Jujutsu Society is flawed, but doesn't understand exactly why it's wrong. He doesn't raise his students to be independent free thinkers because then they might question him, he raises them to be very powerful because that's more pragmatic.

Here are the next generation of sorcerers who are going to bring about the change to Jujutsu Society that Gojo so desperately seeks.

Nobara Kugisaki: Dead

Hakari Kinji: His greatest ambition is to start a fight club

Yuji: Actively calls himself a mindless cog and just wants to kill whatever society points him at and tells him to kill.

Maki: Mass murderer.

Yuta: Just stole Gojo's body and said he had to become a monster i Gojo's place.

Megumi: Begging to be killed.

Inumaki: Tuna Mayo

Panda: Is a Panda

(Joke lovingly ripped off from @kaibutsushidousha)

I understand that fighting Sukuna takes precedence now, but do you think once the dust settles any of these characters are going to do anything to make lasting change?

Are we going to see anything for them at the end of the road other than a mountain of their fellow sorcerers corpses?

Gojo didn't nurture his students to grow into healthy adults, he raised them into stronger child soldiers and yes that's the pragmatic thing to do to help them survive in the Jujutsu World, but the elders make those decisions out of cold pragmatism as well.

MHA is also showing a story where the children are failing to learn from the previous generatio's mistakes, but it's far less frustrating to watch in JJK because it almost seems like that's the point?

Maki sacrificed Mai for the sake of becoming someone strong enough to reform the Zen'in Clan, only for her sister to die and Maki to slaughter the rest of her family failing in both her goals to reform her clan and protect Mai.

Yuji became the host of Sukuna in order to help others, because the total deaths of people in the world would go down if he ate all the fingers. Not only did that decision lead to the death of thousands in Shibuya, but he's even lost his role of being Sukuna's host to Megumi.

Yuta wanted to find a reason to live and a purpose in protecting his friends, and also wanted to pay back the man who saved him, not only is Yuta choosing to die in a way that breaks his friends heart he's also violating his beloved teacher's bodies.

There's a lot of arcs like this where characters fail in what they set out to accomplish, because like in most tragedies they don't try to grow as people they only care about getting stronger. It's the same choice over ad over again, a decision made of cold pragmatism that brings about their tragic ending.

I think it speaks to why systems like this perpetuate themselves, because it becomes so hard to hold onto your humanity that even trying gets you actively punished all the while people like Mei Mei crawl to the top. However, even if you throw your humanity away purely as an act of survival you're still helping perpetuate that system instead of fighting against it.

Anyway, that's enough hating on Gojo, onto the main event.

THE NEXT GOJO SATORU.

It's almost masterful how perfect the foreshadowing for this chapter's twist was. Yuta sharing a common ancestor in Sugawara with Gojo.

The irony that Kenjaku said out loud that someone like Yuta could never become Gojo, on top of the fact that Yuta's true power comes from detaining his loved ones soul. He's turning Gojo's body into a weapon the same way that he once used Rika's vengeful cursed spirit as one (he even channels her strength into a sword, the same way Maki uses the sword that Mai gave her life to create in battle).

The way that Yuji's first impression of Yuta from his powerful presence and cursed energy alone was calling him someone even creepier than Gojo.

The idea that Kenjaku has been trying to get his hands on the six-eyes for years, which is what led most of the fandom to theorize a possible Kenjaku return by stealing Gojo's corpse. The fact Tengen said the six eyes, himself and the star plasma vessel are all connected and one time Kenjaku killed the six-eyes from a child only for another one to appear right away.

Yuta being told he could never reach Sukuna's heights because he lacks the selfishness of a calamity.

Even Yuta trying to tell a nameless assassin Uro to be less selfish, only to be chastised by her for not understanding because it's impossible for someone as blessed as he is to know what it's like to not have a name, to not have a face, to not be someone important.

Now here Yuta is, not only is he making the selfish decision to use his teacher's body as a tool, he's also most likely in five minutes going to die in someone else's body, having sacrificed not only his name, and face, but also his personal values in order to become a monster.

This arc makes it seem like Yuta's gone against everything he's stood for, making his arc a complete circle from Jujutsu Kaisen Zero and that's kind of the point. Heck, even something as small as Yuta's decision to show mercy to Ishigori was rendered pointless because Sukuna immediately killed him soon after taking Megumi's body.

If Yuta's regressed in his character it's because Gojo's purpose was not to raise these children into healthy adults, but strong soldiers.

What happened to Yuta is a direct consequence of the way Gojo recruits these children, and the underhanded motivations he has behind those recruitments.

Yuta's decision to take Gojo's body is more tragic on Yuta's part then it is on Gojo's, because Yuta is a child, and Gojo is an adult.

It is sad that Gojo is all alone, that he's forced to become a tool to society, but Yuta shouldn't be the one who feels responsible for that. Gojo is supposed to protect Yuta, he's the adult, the teacher, the one with power and Yuta is the child. Yuta is not the one who should be making this speech because it is not Yuta's responsibility to do any of this - but Yuta thinks it is because he owes Gojo.

However, when Gojo recruits people it's with the unspoken implication that they now owe him. He wants them to feel indebted, because then they'll be easier to use as pieces in his intended political revolution. We see this blatantly with the way he recruited Megumi.

I'll make sure you and your sister don't starve but you owe me in the form of labor later on in your life.

Gojo saved Yuta because he thought Rika was powerful and the elders were foolish for executing a potentially powerful sorcerer for THE GREATER GOOD instead of teaching him to control his power out of fear. Gojo recruited Yuji, because someone with Sukuna's power and who could eat his fingers as a vessel had the makings to be an incredibly powerful sorcerer. Gojo didn't even think of Megumi until after Geto defected, and Gojo decided he needed to start making changes to Jujutsu Society.

While Gojo's pragmatism is understandable to a point it also poisons his more nobler intentions. Since Gojo expects payment in return when he sticks his neck out for people, because these children are assets first and children secod.

I think Gojo likes Yuta. I think he gets along with him well. Yuta clearly respects him as a mentor. He did in fact go to great lengths to save Yuta from execution. He was right that it was more ethical to teach Yuta to control his powers rather than execute him for the danger he might represet. He even gives Yuta emotional advice a couple of times.

However, if Yuta was just like a grade 4 sorcerer with no special talent I doubt Gojo would have blinked at his execution. He sees Yuta for his talent first, and his potential to become someone like him. If anythig there are clear comparisons to both Megumi and Yuta. They're both prodigies born with incredible techniques, but Yuta is a lot more receptive to Gojo's grooming than Megumi is who's too traumatized to function. Gojo's not just grooming Yuta into being a powerful sorcerer, but another version of himself.

So it's almost karmic that not only does Yuta basically turn his back on everything that makes Yuta himself (his love for people, his desire to live and be surrounded by others), he also does so by literally becoming Satoru Gojo and transplanting his brain into Gojo's body.

Because Yuta is despite possessing a similiar level of talent as far from Gojo as possible. Gojo is not well liked by his comrades, he's there because he's needed due to his power. Yuta on the other hand has everyone vehemently disagreeing with his backup plan in the event of Gojo's death because they don't want to lose him.

People need Gojo, they want Yuta because of the connections that Yuta has made with them and because they care about Yuta as a person. Gojo is someone who deliberately draws a line between himself and others because he believes the strongest can't be comprehended, Yuta only fights for the sake of being accepted by others because he needs their approval in order to live.

Yuta's now turned his back on those two things, his tendency to put his loved ones first, and his desire to live, both because he feels he owes Gojo.

This comes about because of two factors, number one Gojo helping him with the implication that this help means that Yuta owes him something which makes Yuta desperate to pay him back and therfore easy to mold, and number two Gojo's intentions to begin with to take Yuta and make another Gojo out of him. To make a successor who would carry on the same burdens that Gojo did.

Gojo succeeded one hundred percent in making his successor as opposed to Megumi who turned out to be too different from Gojo i the end. He took what make Yuta unique and ironed out all those wrinkles until he was left with someone willing to make the same inhumane, pragmatic decisions that Gojo was.

I think it's tragic that as much as Gojo wanted to make things better for the next generation, he basically led Yuta down the same road he did, to make the same choice to throw his humanity away along with all of his loved ones. Especially since Yuta started out in such a different place.

Yuta has learned to become selfish like Gojo, because selfishness is apparently now the only way to get by in this world. A cycle that has been started with the elders, and continued on with Gojo, remains unbroken as Yuta becomes just another link in the chain. Yuta's likely going to die in a stranger's body, leaving all of his friends behind to mourn him, but even if he lives what life will that be exactly?

It speaks to the arcs in Jujutsu Kaisen that they're all kind of circles at this point. We have this heartwarming goodbye of Rika telling Yuta to live, and Yuta's whole arc was to learn to try to live without Rika and make new friends, but it's now likely goig to end with Yuta dying a year after Rika finally moved on.

Choso was told to try living on as a human and Yuki even sacrificed her life to give him the opportuity to escape the fight, and he only lived a month longer to die right in front of Yuji's eyes.

Gojo put all of his hope in the next generation, but now not only did he put all the power in Gakuganji's hands but he ended up dying a year after Geto did just like Yuta will likely die a year after Rika.

I think these character arcs are turning out to be circles because the characters aren't actually doing anything to try to break the cycles that they're trapped inside of - they're only trying to get stronger. Which is why they end up resembling the actions of the villains, Yuji becoming more curselike, Yuta stealing Gojo's body the way Kenjaku did with Geto's.

It reminds me of a quote from Critical Role that I absolutely adore.

“I have just taken an audience with the Raven Queen who has snuffed any hope of my redemption, for which I am truly grateful. With new clarity, I can finally see my life as a series of compounding, poor choices.” Vax winces. “There was nothing I could’ve done to save my family, yet I still sold my soul in search of vengeance. Later I allowed Ripley to leave, knowing full well she was a greater threat to the world than the Briarwoods would ever be. I traded the world’s safety for the belief that I could murder my way to peace; that if I could be a greater horror, it would bring my family back. And once this lie was shattered I scrambled to find asolution, to make a deal, to undo my mistakes and balance the scales. I nowunderstand that there are no scales, there is no redemption, and no ledger that judges me good or evil. I am free to simply be myself and live with the terrible mistakes I’ve made."

Especially this sentence: I believed I could murder my way to peace; that if I could be a greater horror, it would bring my family back.

Maki is a character that I have not found all that interesting in a while because she committed such a huge mass murder, only for it to have no consequences in the narrative and never be mentioned again, but this chapter she suddenly became an interesting character again.

Maki who lost everything but gained strength, doesn't seem all that bothered by the loss. People compare Megumi's reaction to losing Tsumiki to Maki's reaction to losing Mai, but Megumi's reaction is much more interesting because it's always better to see a character be weak and fall apart then to be strong and power through things.

However, maybe the reason Maki hasn't experienced any grief at all towards Mai and has instead delighted in her newfound strength and independence is because of this, because she still had Yuta.

Maki is a character who's not really said anything other than exposition the past like twenty chapters, but now she's the most vocally against Yuta sacrificing himself for the greater good. Yet this is against Maki's own ideology of doing everything you can to be stronger, to win. Maki was always about individualism, not about friendship or the bonds between others, she severed her own bonds to be free. Yet, she can't stand to see Yuta do the same thing as her, to become more like her.

This might be the consequence of Maki's continued choice to value freedom and the power to achieve that freedom over all else. Now, the one time Yuta is trying to throw away the same things that she threw away she can't say anything meaningful or convince him to stop him.

Which reminds painfully of this chapter as well.

Mai killing herself in order to free Maki from cursed energy is an obvious parallel to Sukuna devouring his own twin in the womb, but the difference is in this situation Maki didn't want Mai to go, she begged her not to. However, just like with Yuta there was nothing Maki could ahve said or done by that point to convince Mai to stay. Maki has always chosen power over her sister, she's always abandoned Mai, so what exactly can she say to convince her that she cares more about Mai more? That her dream of defeating the Zen'in and having revenge against them isn't worth the price if it comes at the sacrifice of Mai?

Maki didn't want to abandon Mai, or for Mai to sacrifice herself, but tragically her every action indicated otherwise. It all comes down to this: I believed I could murder my way to peace; that if I could be a greater horror, it would bring my family back.

Maki seems to have achieved peace by murdering the Zen'in, but we see the same kind of circular arc that we have for Yuta.

Maki gave up on everything for strength, but Maki's not strong enough to finish Sukuna then and there, forcing Yuta to sacrifice himself the same way Mai did.

Maki can't talk Yuta out of making that sacrifice, or come up with any convincing argument with why he shouldn't because of all the choices she's made before this.

Maki chose to murder her way to peace, but it came at the cost of her humanity and growth and thus she's faced again with the exact same situation with Mai and she's forced to watch her heart be taken from her again.

It goes to show that we think these characters are getting stronger but they're actually sacrificing something vitally important.

These characters are just going to keep going around in circles and you have to wonder just when is it going to stop?

[skay-ali]

The Forgotten Daughter

Chapter 1

You still clearly remember when you arrived at your new home  It was the biggest house you had been able to see in your short life.

When you got a better look, you felt a great sadness emanating from the outer walls, each space filled with a lifeless neutral color.

The owner of all the hallways, floors and valuable things, he was also a spitting image of melancholic, that was what you wanted to believe for a long time, that your new father was so damaged, that he couldn't afford to fix anyone else, besides him.

You took refuge in your room, the first days were full of tears and great sadness, you had not only lost your dear mother, but also your home, you ended up in an unknown place, with unknown people, you were miserably alone.  

Recovering a little from your depressed and lifeless state, you decided to seek comfort, whatever you could get, it didn't take a hug or sympathetic words, not even a minute of attention, just an empathetic look, a pat or some miserable affection.

Alfred, the butler, was the one who was in charge of taking care of you, he tried to give you the affection you needed, he was a father, while your real father continued to behave like an adult with no responsibilities at home, he was a sought-after bachelor with no children.

Seeing him and a new woman passing through the hallways hurt you a lot, not because of jealousy, you thanked all the divinities that your mother never stayed with your father, but rather because those women received more love and attention than the one you you had when you arrived at this house, of course they were only small one-night stands or fleeting relationships, but they still had your father's attention.

Some time passed, your father brought a boy, upon returning from one of his outings, you knew his secret that he was a superhero, you knew it from the day you saw him injured in the dining room chair while you were leaving with a tray of cookies you made with Alfred for their movie night. The point was that you never went out with your father, not even when he was in his role as a millionaire.

You thought that new boy was just your father's whim, to help someone in trouble, but he became your new brother, was that his way of helping?  

You tried to establish a friendly relationship with the boy, your new brother Dick Wayne, but he was so focused on his pain and hatred that he didn't even look at you at first, but with a little perseverance, you became his rock of support in his lowest moments together with Alfred, it's a shame that in trying to find his new path he left you behind.

Unlike you, your father did pay attention to him and looked at him, he was his son.  

He did the same with his next two adopted children, Jason, the brother you were able to get along with the most, he told you a lot about the adventures he had or the books he finished reading, he was like a little child next to you. Until he died. It was sad, not seeing him anymore. It depressed you for a long time.

After Jason, Tim followed, he was a very closed child with you, he didn't give you an ounce of his attention, just an unfriendly face.

You only had these little descriptions of your siblings, not that you knew much about them, you never dug deep into their past, you tried to be a good big sister. 

When the third child arrived you had already graduated and managed to enter a university very far away from Gotham City.

You packed your bags, said goodbye to the only person who was your family in this house and went to form your new life.

You didn't expect that a few years later, while you were preparing dinner with one of your best friends, he would tell you that you have a person at the door looking for you. 

 Less see a child who was the same carbon copy of your father.

"Well... What brings you here?"

The boy's raised eyebrow told you how bad you were starting the conversation, but in your defense you didn't know what to do, you were full of nerves, leaving the boy outside your house was not an option, it was at night and it was dangerous.

"I am Damian Wayne, the first blood son of Bruce Wayne, a true Wayne" what great arrogance this boy possessed.

"I came to this place to look for the first girl my father adopted"

"You know we are half-brothers from what I understand your speech." 

His look full of anger and indignation showed that he did not like your words.

"YOU…"

He was ready to get up when some whimpers stopped him.

"Excuse me for a moment if" you left the room and ran to the cause of the whining.

Damian was regretting having come to this place just with the goal of meeting a girl, Alfred had made her sound like someone great, but seeing her for the first time disappointed him, you weren't even half as good as his other brothers, that It meant you couldn't even reach his heels. But still there was something that stopped him from leaving when he saw you, your kind way of receiving him, how you treated him as kindly as possible without you knowing him.

He got very angry when you named him an equal, his half-sister, he didn't like that title, he was ready to start a fight and teach you a lesson, but some whining stopped him from continuing.

Seeing you return to the living room with a baby in your arms baffled him, maybe you had a son.

He watched you sit down, you rocked the baby lovingly and you hummed a song to him.

"This is Alice, she's my little princess" you smiled as you showed her to the boy.

If your little adventure with the stranger who joked about being a hero ended with the origin of your cute baby, you became a new version of your mother.

Your new half-brother focused a lot on watching the girl.

"Now, as I understand it, you were looking for me because you wanted to meet me, right?"  

"No, of course not, I just wanted to know who the girl Alfred always talked about was."

"It's not the same as what I said"

It seems that you provoked the boy, when you saw him go towards the door.

"Hey why don't you stay to eat" you stopped the boy, if you weren't already over this family.    

You got up with your baby and carefully placed her in the child's arms.

"Here, load it up, I'll put the plates for dinner."

  You went to the kitchen and the boy quickly followed you with the baby.

"I'm not your babysitter to take care of your daughter," he complained.

"No, of course you're not her babysitter, you're her dear uncle" I smiled at how adorable they looked "Look, it seems like she adores you, she almost never likes to leave my side and cries when someone else picks her up."

There were a few more complaints from the boy, but you saw that your words made him proud and made him play with the baby in his arms.

If the yandere family has not yet appeared, it will first start from the smallest, the indirect cause that all the others are yanderes, maybe??? an attempted introduction to what ___'s life was like in the mansion and his relationship with his first 3 brothers and a comforting scene with one of the brothers. I hope you like this attempt at a story, I'm still thinking of more ideas for drama and anguish and who could be the baby's father and new yandere

@kore-of-the-underworld @vanessa-boo @jsprien213

[cthulhus-curse]

Extra Credit

Pairing: Natasha Romanoff x Reader

Word Count: 6,020

Warnings: Age Difference, Alluded CSA, Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Smut, Teacher-Student Relationship | 18+ Minors DNI

A/N: Hopefully I scheduled this & the other fics correctly and not for the following year because I may no longer be around to fix it.

Summary: A series of snapshots of loving months alongside your professor which lead up to one of the most difficult decisions you’ve made in your life.

“Good morning, sunshine. Ready for another day of work?”

Although exhaustion ripped through your body, the sound of the woman’s voice made you smile. You learned to enjoy it through the past few weeks. Each day you woke up at what felt like the crack of dawn and went straight to work. Although it was right on campus, an office not too far from your dormitory, you weren’t used to being awake at such early hours. At least the pay was good and your boss was even better, you mused. 

“I can’t wait,” you replied flatly. Your boss, Professor Romanoff, came up to the desk you called a home ever since being hired. She held up two cups – one was her usual morning coffee and the other scalding hot chocolate topped off by a mountain of whipped cream. As always, she called you a child for picking that over anything caffeine-heavy. “Thanks for this.”

“No problem, sweetheart. Gotta keep my little assistant awake enough to get through the day,” Natasha chuckled. “Don’t worry, it won’t be heavy for you. We just have to get through grading some papers and then the rest of the shift is yours.”

The smirk remained plastered over your features as she handed you the hot chocolate before moving further in her office. Being the head of the English department at your university, Natasha got her privacy intact. It’s not like she was thrilled to work with her fellow professors anyway. 

“I heard there was a big party being hosted by your friends in the girl’s soccer team. I assume you’re planning on going?” Natasha’s tone was filled with curiosity, but never anger when she so much as alluded to your private life, specifically that having to do with one Wanda Maximoff. “I can let you go a few hours early if you need to get ready. Classes are done for the semester and you need to enjoy your college years. I’m sure Miss Maximoff would be happy to see you again. I know she means a lot to you.”

Ever since you had accepted the job as Natasha’s assistant, Wanda had given you the cold shoulder. You had spoken to her from time to time, but only when she came back to the dorm after days of being away, only to leave once again. At first you blame yourself for causing a rift in your relationship, if one could even call it that, but eventually you came to realize just how immature she was – taking a simple job offer did not mean your feelings for her changed in any way. 

“I actually haven’t seen her in awhile. She’s staying at Carol and Val’s place I think,” you shrugged while taking a sip of your drink. The way it burned its way onto your tongue and down your throat caused you to hum happily. 

“Oh? And how are you feeling about that?”

“I’m taking it pretty well. You know she’s not very fond of you and I think I pissed her off by agreeing to work for who she deems as ‘a fucking witch bitch’. It’s just childish and stupid,” you rolled your eyes at the mere idea of it. “I hate being someone’s second choice like that. She doesn’t even see how much I love her.”

Just like Wanda didn’t see you, you didn’t see Natasha. Your professor was crestfallen at the voices you threw at her. She hated seeing you in such pain, not being able to do anything about the mistreatment you received from your casual fling. The older woman cared for you, perhaps more than she led on – the mere image of seeing you in pain made bile rise up your throat before it was maintained in place. 

“Then it’s her loss. You deserve better than that, honey. You’re an amazing, beautiful, and smart woman. You don’t need to be sitting around waiting for someone to notice you. If she doesn’t like you the same way you like her, then it’s time to move on,” Natasha explained as she attempted to keep her own emotions at bay. She threw a sympathetic look your way even if you didn’t notice it. “Listen Y/N, I know we aren’t as close as you are with Miss Maximoff, but I care about you. You are by far my brightest student yet and I see so much potential in you. You don’t deserve to be thrown around like trash, only used when she gets bored with someone else. You deserve the world.”

“Yeah? And who’s gonna give me that?”

The ‘me’ went unspoken from Natasha. She simply sagged her head and stared down at the mountain of paperwork laying in her desk. It would be to no avail if she decided to work – with a brain oozing with thoughts of you, her focus disrupted. 

“How about we try something different today? We can work for a bit and then I can take you out for lunch. My treat,” Natasha said. “How does that sound? I just hate seeing you like this, sweetie.”

You thought about it for a second. There was something awfully safe about Natasha. As much as you wished to spend countless hours obsessing over Wanda, sometimes you found yourself humoring the idea of your professor. She was sweet, always protective as she huffed at the idea of you being hurt. At first you assumed it was some sort of motherly instinct, but after having caught yourself staring down her cleavage from time to time, the top buttons of her blouse always open, and she stared back with a smile, you knew something much more intimate lay beneath. 

“I’d like that,” you replied, suddenly drunk on Natasha’s presence as Wanda was left behind. 

“Good! Now time to work, hon. You don’t get paid to sit all day and look pretty,” the redhead chuckled at her own joke, suddenly feeling much more rejuvenated. “If you finish quickly, maybe we can grab some dessert as well.”

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

A shudder ran down your body as hands traveled across your back. Fingernails left heavy trails in their wake, surely to be worn with the utmost pride. You hummed, eyes closed while holding still, standing there naked as the day you were born. In the dusk of the room, you let yourself be the center of attention; the center of her attention. 

“What did she do this time?” Natasha asked from behind. Her mouth was quickly upon your upper back, kissing its way along your shoulder blades. Never did she lose her tenderness when touching you. “Tell me, darling girl. Use your words.”

You didn’t know when it had begun. One day you were at work standing in front of your boss’s desk before you became trapped against it. The first time Natasha kissed you was then and there. Neither could hold back the attraction you shared for one another. No longer did you prioritize Wanda as you allowed your professor to take you. 

“I found her sleeping with Kate. She was…she was laying in my bed, Nat. I saw them and just ran away. She fucked her in my bed!” You sobbed, but didn’t allow yourself to shed tears. Not long before you had promised yourself never to cry over Wanda again. “I didn’t know who else to go to. I just thought of you and ran.”

“Oh baby, I’m so sorry. I hate that she keeps hurting you,” Natasha mumbled back as she hugged you from behind. “Don’t you dare run away this late at night again. You know how much I worry about you. I’m just a phone call away, malyshka. Always.” 

“I’m sorry,” you responded before biting down on your lip. “I promise I’ll be good from now on. Your good girl, right?”

“Darling, you are always my good girl.”

Natasha motioned you to get on the bed, your head against a pillow as your ass remained up in the air. She allowed her hands to roam over your backside, smirking as a hand went down against a cheek. It was only a soft hit. Never did Natasha wish to inflict any horrid pain over you. As her eyes noticed the faint bruises Wanda left along your skin, she huffed. 

The redhead stood over you. She carried a dildo between her legs that was attached to a harness. Similar to you, she was fully nude minus for the red briefs she wore. Strong arms reeking with muscles held you close. As she inched the toy between your legs, you let out a loud moan. 

“I don’t like how she hurts you. I know you like it, Y/N, but she leaves you looking like a piece of meat. Does she even take care of your wounds, baby? Or does she leave you like that after hitting you until you’re crying out for her to stop?” Natasha questioned, already knowing what the answer was. Ever since first seeing your body, she was the one who took care of you as a surrogate for Wanda. “I know I can’t control what you do, but honey, this isn’t right. I can’t stand seeing you like this.”

Rather than vocalize your response, you hid your face against the pillow. Natasha slid inside you softly, allowing the dildo to fill you with ease. There was a grunt that you basked upon – it was low and throaty filled with your professor’s longing desire. She used all her force to drag you into a makeshift sitting position. From then on, Natasha allowed herself to, only gently, give you the pleasure Wanda failed to gift you with. 

“I want more,” you begged, eyes rolled to the back of your head the further Nat moved inside of you. Movements were languid and sloppy. All the older woman focused on was your own pleasure, not speed or roughness. Unlike Wanda, she took her time getting to know exactly what to do and how to touch you. “Please, mommy, I need more!”

“Whatever you want, my little angel.”

Natasha did not spend time rummaging through the newfound honorific. She beamed at it, but didn’t comment on anything. Instead, she thrust her hips forth fucking you with love that Wanda never gave you. Kisses were spread all across your back. Each grunt, each little noise she made mixed with your own, made you feel in heaven. 

Hands gripped your breasts from behind. They squeezed the mounds tightly, rolling erect nipples through the fingers. As Natasha pumped the strap-on in you, your cunt dripping with juices while velvety walls hugged her tight, she brought a hand down your body. Fingertips pressed against your clit and began teasing it, flicking the bud as you screamed loudly – surely her neighbors would hear. 

“You’re doing so well for me, Y/N. Just look at how you’re taking my cock. My pretty, little girl,” Natasha moaned when hugging you tight. She nuzzled her face against your shoulder before nipping your skin. There were various hickeys left upon you, signs for Wanda to see if you ever dared return to her. Natasha knew you weren’t hers, but each second she spent with you made her crave you even more. “I bet she can’t fuck you like this, can she? That little…she can’t make you feel this good. Only I can make it better. I’m the only one that will ever keep you safe and you know this.”

When you finally came, Natasha was there to keep you close. She remained frozen in place as your orgasm shot through your body. Not even a second passed before she inched you on the bed, allowing you to rest upon the soft mattress with the dildo still inside you. 

“I never want to see you hurt again. If she ever does this to you, if you end up going back, I want you to call me when you need me. I never break a promise,” Natahsa muttered as she placed a kiss over the back of your head. “I’ll always keep you safe.”

From then on, you found yourself hesitating each time you merely humored the idea of going back to Wanda. Even if you told yourself that the relationship with Natasha was nothing more than platonic, you questioned the validity of such a statement. Every second you spend with her, you fall further for your professor. 

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

“Tell me about your family.”

The two of you had escaped the cruel Bostonian summer filled with never-ending traffic and burning skyscrapers. It was the dead-center of the season and the entire city was plagued by a mix of potential commuters for the various academic institutions or those who, for some reason, decided for it to be her vacation destination.

Natasha had taken you away to a small town across the state. It was remote, small enough so that the two of you could enjoy your life in public without the student body of the university to find you. All you had done was pack all the bags you could muster for the weekend getaway. It was peace which became well-deserved. 

You weren’t much of a fan of them, but Nat had always spoken highly of the times she took her sister to pick out peaches ever since she first learned how to drive. The two of them would escape into an orchard in the depths of Ohio and come out with their hands full with fruits. The mere memory she shared with you was enough to get you to agree to her plans. 

“Well, there’s really not much to talk about. I was adopted by Melina and Alexei,” Natasha began as though it was the most casual thing in the world to refer to her parents by their given names. “I have a sister, also adopted, named Yelena. She’s the light of my life. A bit of an asshole I must say, but she’s the one I care about most.”

“Yelena Belova? That’s your sister?” You asked with furrowed eyebrows; it was a name similar to that of a member of Wanda’s team. 

“Yes. I realize she’s friends with Miss Maximoff,” Natasha replied with apparent dismay. “As hard as I’ve tried to keep her away from that girl, the two are almost inseparable. I trust her enough to not do anything overly stupid though. Lena has always been a bit of a firecracker.”

The two of you walked hand in hand along the orchard. There was not a label to whatever you had yet, but it didn’t care. Natasha was clear when she said she would never pressure you into it. Instead, you allowed yourself to be a free agent who, at times, found yourself wishing to have something more with your professor. 

Eyes roamed over the woman’s body. Usually you saw her in professional clothes or the occasional nightgown when you stayed over at her place, but never with a pair of shorts and a loose camisole. There were sunglasses shielding Natasha’s viridescent eyes from the sun, but you had looked into them for long enough to memorize their beauty. 

You noticed how she covered her body from time to time, hands over her thighs, cowering away from the nonexistent public that dared gawk in her general direction. It hurt to see. She was the perfect image of beauty to you, but a disgusting void to herself. 

There were rare moments in which Natasha allowed you to touch her. She was a fan of studying each and every one of your favorite sweet spots, running hands across your skin before making you giggle under the drunkenness of arousal. The few times you had placed your palms upon her frame you did so in a tender manner – Nat was a porcelain doll under your touch who could break at any seconds. It merely lasted a few seconds before she pushed you off and rushed to apologize for acting out, only for you to shoot her a warm smirk and tell her there was nothing wrong with that. 

Shaking your head, you brought yourself back to the present and carried on. 

“Yeah, your sister’s always been nice to me though. She’s not as close with Wanda if that makes you feel better. I’ve mostly seen her chasing around that Kate girl. Maybe it’s an underclassmen thing,” you shrugged. “What about your parents?”

There was a pregnant pause, clear hesitation, before Natasha continued.

“Well, I never met my biological family nor did I care about seeking them out. My mom has always been amazing,” Natasha stopped for a second, her hands gliding across the peaches that she carefully eyed. “My father…not so much.”

“Why do you refer to her as mom and him as father?” came your question before you could help yourself.

It was clear her demeanor had changed. Natasha stood with her back straight, hands clasped in front of her as a means to shield herself. She only stared forth into nothingness. Her body was with you in the orchard while her mind went back to when she was a child – to when she was alone with him. 

“It makes it less personal,” she finally answered. “It’s also easier than calling him ‘the man whose wife wanted to adopt two kids he never wanted’ and then turned my childhood to shit. I grew up way too fast because of that…that durak!”

The yelp she let out was fueled with emotions you had yet to see. Natasha was rarely angry, let alone emotionally vulnerable to let you peek through her walls. Her body sagged after fighting so long being tense. You could see tears rushing down her face even with sunglasses that covered them, but knew not to make a comment.

“Nat, has he ever…?”

You didn’t want to humor such a thing. Even then, you already knew the answer given her body language and unspoken words. While you fought with the idea of potentially driving to her father’s house and beating him to a pulp, Natasha found herself glad it had been her over Yelena. If something were to happen to her sister, she would never forgive herself. Each time he came at night, the woman sacrificed herself. It was a small price to pay for her beloved sibling’s safety. 

“I don’t want to talk about it, baby,” Natasha said with a cracked voice, turning the other way to move further into the orchard. You gave her space knowing that whenever she felt comfortable enough to talk, she would. All you could do was follow along as the professor whispered again. “I’m sorry.”

But behind her broken tone, deep down, you could hear a younger Nat’s faint cry of ‘yes’. 

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

There were moments in which exhaustion overtook you during long tedious days. You could barely move a muscle and still feel as though life had been sucked out of you. Most of your summer was spent chasing around Natasha, who you remained working for throughout the following months with little to no workload. Being around the woman, doing mere iced coffee runs and chatting without a care in the world while in the office made you feel free for once in a lifetime – for the first time since you met Wanda, she was an afterthought. 

Natasha was quick to jump in and take care of you through those moments. She always acted out in small, loving ways when paying for your food, giving you rides, or merely holding your hand as the two of you walked into your next adventure. Her desperation to hold you in her arms and promise you all would be well was intense. There was love radiating from her a mile away which you were far too shortsighted to see. 

“Tell me what you need, malyshka. Come on, little darling, use your words.”

After a particularly difficult day, you found yourself safe in Natasha’s lap. There had been no overexertion of your being during that day. It had mostly been relaxing as you worked alongside your professor on a Friday, but when you received a call from Wanda midday, the woman asking you to meet up, you merely froze and broke down in the office – your ‘friend’ only reached out when she needed something from you and it had been nearly a month since you last spoke amicably. After you only hummed as a reply and ended the call, Natasha was there to break your fall. 

“Mommy’s here for you. I know today has been a really difficult day and that you’ve felt really stressed, but I don’t want you focusing on those icky thoughts. I just wish she didn’t hurt you like this,” came the older woman’s whisper as she pulled you close. The two of you had rushed out of the office even hours before Natasha liked calling it quits. Even as behind as she was with her future lesson planning, she still prioritized you before anything else. “Use your words, detka. Tell mommy how she can help.”

“I don’t even want to think,” you flatly mumbled with tears threatening to fall down your eyes. Hands gripped the professor’s clothes while your forehead lay frozen in her shoulder. With arms wrapped around your body you finally felt safe. “Please help me forget, Nat. I never want to think about her again. I just-” your words were cut short by a short while your voice was left cracked. 

“Shh it’s alright, my darling girl. Mommy’s here to make it all better.”

While holding you tight, Natasha allowed a hand to slip down your body. It snuck to your lap then between your legs. No teasing was found – she knew you how overwhelmed you were and was ready to give you whatever you wished for without question. When naked fingers went past the waistline of your sweats and underwear, landing upon your already throbbing sex, you couldn’t hold back a throaty moan. 

You quickly realized Natasha wanted to separate herself from the man who agreed to adopt her. He was rough, violent, and torturous much like how she saw Wanda, whereas your professor never failed to bring a smile to your face even as she smacked your backside harshly — she always soothed the skin with the palm of her hand before carrying on. She wanted, no, needed to break away from his grasp over her mind. Otherwise she’d end up as a battered slave of his once again. 

Fingertips brushed against your clit then studied the entirety of your slit while coating themselves in your everlasting slick. Natasha peppered your wet cheeks, filled with desolate tears, with kisses. She mumbled only the sweetest words while easing herself in you. You cried out about your sorrows, about Wanda’s mistreatment over you, while the older woman simply sat there and held you through it. 

“You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting. Anyone who dares make you feel this bad is an idiot. Y/N, my love, you deserve the world,” Natasha said lovingly. She nuzzled her face against your own, foreheads pressed together with fingers knuckle-deep inside your cunt. You couldn’t even muster the enthusiasm to grind on them. Instead, you remained shaking as Natasha made it all better. “You never let yourself be treated like that by anyone, alright? Whether it’s Miss Maximoff or me, or anyone else. My darling angel should be treated as the princess she is. You’re one of a kind, honey, a perfect little bear. I never want you to forget just how valuable your existence is.”

Tears of joy were mixed with your gloomy ones. There were cries of pleasure and internal pain that Natasha never stopped supporting you through. She allowed her lips to touch down upon your own. With your orgasm approaching soon and her tender care, you were elated. 

“My sweet baby,” came Natasha’s hushed whisper. She made you come, your back arching while fingernails dug deep into the redhead’s outfit. There was a loud moan, though distant, that boomed across the room. Even as you fell apart, strong arms held you in place. Such a wondrous creature such as yourself, according to your boss, deserved to see the stars. “You did such a good job for mommy. Always my perfect girl,” she breathed out with fingers still deep inside you. “All mine.”

You swore there was a muttered ‘I love you’ thrown somewhere, but with the mix of mental and physical exhaustion raining down upon your body, you merely shrugged your shoulders and fell limp against Natasha. Although you wouldn’t admit it, your heart longed to say the words back – out of everyone in your life, you never expected to fall into the depths of love with your professor. 

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

“I don’t know why you like this show so much. It’s just senseless killing and at the end they solve everything and go home.”

Although it was supposed to be a relaxing weekend towards the start of the Fall semester, you found the mind boggling statement to fill you with feigned rage. Even as classes began, the arrangement between you and the professor carried on. You still worked for her even if there were no classes in said semester you took with you. As disappointing as that was, you began seeing more of Natasha regardless in more ways than one. 

The two of you were sitting on the couch late one Friday night. You were exhausted with your course load and Natasha cursed off the new freshmen she had to teach; they always pretended to still be in high school. A bowl of popcorn was nestled between your legs. While you watched Criminal Minds, Natasha settled for insulting it. 

“It’s fun, Romanoff. Entertaining at the very least.” you shot back with a knowing smirk. You had been the one to introduce her to various shows. Who would’ve thought that the great Professor Romanoff was living underneath a rock her whole life? 

“Wow I’ve been demoted from mommy to Romanoff. That’s sad,” Natasha laughed before grabbing a handful of popcorn. “Who’s your favorite character?”

“Probably Rossi,” came your shrug. “He’s the guy with the beard.”

“Really?” At the surprised tone your lover let out, you feigned offense. “I thought you’d like one of the girls. What about that brunette with the bangs?”

“Oh, Emily left for the Interpol. I would like JJ, but I don’t know. There’s just something cool about Rossi in this season.”

The two of you remained silent for a few seconds. It wasn't awkward, but then again, nothing was with Natasha by your side. Even if you slipped and fell in front of her, you wouldn’t feel embarrassed. The woman never judged you, instead supporting your every decision while also guiding you through life. You felt comfortable enough with her to be yourself. At times it felt as though it was you and Nat against the world. 

“Maybe you just have daddy issues,” Natasha casually offered. Moment passed before the two of you burst out laughing. Tears sprinkled in your eyes while your breath left your body. With the amusement that basked in the room, you both were giggling messes. 

“Hey!” you huffed when gaining some of your composure back and lightly slapping Natasha’s shoulder. “We both have daddy issues.”

“Fine, but I have more than you. Mostly because I’ve never actually met my real dad. Maybe he’s an asshole like Alexei,” Natasha giggled. She never failed to look radiant as ever, especially when laughing and seemingly worry-free. You had to do several double takes because the beauty that exuded from your professor was far too enthralling to break away from. As the laughter died down and you were left holding one another, her head on your shoulder while you leaned back against the couch, she spoke. “I want you to be my girlfriend, Y/N.” 

You had both agreed to keep things unofficial and yet there was that unmistakable skip of a beat your heart underwent when Natasha spoke her words. Teeth gnawed at your bottom lip nervously. There were striking green eyes which made it difficult for you to ignore the pegged comment. While your heart longed you to reply with a ‘yes’, to finally be Natasha’s forever, your mouth reacted differently. 

For the rest of the evening the two of you sat by and finished watching the show. Natasha was silent as she ghosted over her house, leaving you alone in the living room before hiding out in her bedroom. It was the first night in months that you slept in the guest room by yourself. And to your dismay, you went to sleep listening to Natasha’s quiet sobs that escaped the privacy of her bedroom. You had felt bad for Wanda when she got sad about you seeing your professor casually, but listening to the redhead’s woes was synonymous with your heart being squeezed to death. 

━━━━⊱⋆⊰━━━━

It was October when you fell in love. 

You returned to your dorm room days later behind the guise of assuming Natasha wished for you to be far away. She had barely spoken a word to you at work. Most of the time she sat by her desk with sagged shoulders, glasses perched at the edge of her nose, and glossy eyes hiding behind the frames. You desperately wished to say something, but when Wanda sweeped back into your life, the guilt ate at you until nothing was left behind. 

The Fall semester quickly rolled by. You were at the end of the month and still couldn’t sleep without seeing Natasha’s face tainted in your mind. At times when Wanda lay above you, hips thrusting with straps wrapped around them and letting out low grunts, you closed your eyes and imagined it was the older woman. The memories of her doing the same were soaked with humiliation. You had broken her heart, you knew. Never would you dare forgive yourself for having caused so much pain upon the frail, angelic woman. 

“I hate her so much,” Wanda had grumbled when you walked through campus hand-in-hand passing by a certain professor whose sight was solemnly trained on the floor. Your hand was squeezed as your eyes drifted to Natasha. As much as she seemingly hated you, all you wanted to do was run up to her, wrap her in your arms, and bed for forgiveness. Even if it would take ages, she was worth it. “Fucking bitch.”

Perhaps it was Wanda’s comment or the fact that you finally gained enough confidence through your depressive episode to take action, but that night you found yourself standing in front of Natasha’s house. Your roommate was long forgotten and for the first time in your life, you couldn’t care less about who she was fucking. All that mattered was the woman you, without admitting it, had fallen for. 

There was a desperate knock upon the hardwood door. There was furious rain which fell down upon your body. That along with the cool breeze of the night made you freeze in place. Still, you felt as though you deserved it. Even then, you’d do whatever it took for Natasha. 

“It’s 10pm on a Wednesday, Y/N. Someone better be dying,” were the first words Natasha spoke to you once the door swung open in a low grumbled voice you knew to be from when she awoke. “To what do I owe the displeasure? Did you come here to tell me how great Miss Maximoff is compared to-”

You cut her off by practically tackling Natasha into the house. Even if your body was dripping with the tears of the sky, you clung to the woman as though your life depended on it. She was clearly taken aback and yet never moved away. Instead her arms were left unmoving as you embraced her. That was good enough for you, you assumed. 

Putting your heart on the line has never been easy. You were the person who shoved her emotions so deep down that you somehow told yourself Wanda was the one for you. Although she hurt you so much, you still remained by her side. It wasn’t difficult to assume Natasha had felt something similar when you rejected her. She had spent countless months giving you the utmost love and never daring to ask for anything in return. You were always protected by her mere presence until one day you decided to throw it all away. Going to her house, you were without hope of being taken back. There was slight hesitation reeking in your chest, but as soon as you saw your former lover, you swore you fell for her once again – she would forever be worth it. 

“I’m the world’s biggest fucking idiot and I admit it. I should’ve said yes to you,” you began. Life had been tedious without Natasha even if only for a few weeks. You hated how only a cold slap in the face in the shape of one Wanda Maximoff could awaken you from such a dismal nightmare. “I hurt you so badly and I never, ever expect for you to take me back. I was an asshole. A svo-lach' if you will,” you could practically feel Natasha’s slight smirk at the mention of a Russian word she had taught you. “I miss you and I don’t think I can do this without you. It’s probably stupid since we weren’t with each other for ages. It wasn’t official and yet I can’t stop thinking about you. I want you to be my girlfriend. It’s always been you, Nat and it always will be.”

No words were spoken as the door was locked and you were dragged to the bedroom. Even if dripping with water, Natasha helped undress you. She threw you against the bed, viridescent eyes twinkling under the dead of the night before taking her rightful position over your body. There was not an area of your freezing body that she didn’t kiss her way through as sudden warmth radiated from her skin and onto yours. 

When you first kissed her after weeks of being away, you swore there were fireworks going off. Never had kissing Wanda felt even remotely good or similar. You were enthralled by the way Natasha was seemingly everywhere. Her hands drifted up your body before taking your breasts into her palms and squeezing them, nipples rolling through her fingers before being pinched – she did always have an adorable fixation on your chest. There was a sense of longing within her. The two of you hadn’t been together for far too long. During the rest of the night, you explored what was missed, holding one another as cries of pleasure were let out. 

Positions were switched from time to time. Natasha would be on top before you pushed her against the mattress and had your head disappear between her legs. There was nothing to be said. You two communicated through sweet and rough touches, connecting as one without the need for words. There was a moment when you made her squirt, legs shaking as your fingers were dug deep inside her cunt. Natasha was left wide-eyed and suddenly droopy while you lapped at the mess – even when a spent mess, she was the most beautiful woman in the universe. 

When neither of you could keep going it was already the early hours of the morning. Your bodies were sore and marked with the reddened tracks of fingernails. It was the first time in ages that you finally felt as though you belonged. Natasha was your person, she was safe, and she was home. It was then that you, while fingers trailed across the back of the woman’s hand, decided never to dare leave her again. 

“I love you,” she muttered once you were breathing raggedly, laying back on the bed with bodies intertwined and hearts aligned. You felt yourself crawl out of your skin, frowning as the words were spoken. Without even daring to turn around, you went to grab Natasha’s hand. When squeezing it, you gave her your response. 

You couldn’t say it out loud, but she knew then you loved her too.

[thedeskofaltoclef]

How I became The Desk of Alto Clef.

My response to a SCP Group designed around Hate and Bigotry who have targeted me and others in this community.

Nah, man, my daughter is dead.

It has been brought to my attention that there is a group of people on the internet who are fascinated with my fascination of Alto Clef and Meri. Hurtful and yet cute in a way so I think now I'll choose this time and these screen grabs from their discord to explain how I came to be 'The Desk of Alto Clef'.

My Daughter died six years ago and it sent me spiraling deep into the bottom of whatever bottle I could find.

I was completely prepared to take my own life and even had the things to 'finish the job' because my life had no meaning at that point. What was another statistic going to matter anyways, right?

It was in one of these dark, drunk moments with a gun when I fell across the Volgun's video on 'reality benders and you' and fell into a rabbit hole.

Drunkenly I fumbled around the wiki and learned more about this broken man known as Alto Clef.

A man whom I could relate to in my own way. A man who, no matter what he did, could never see his daughter as I will never be able to see mine. So thus, I became a very, very shitty cosplayer.

I like to believe that over the past four years my acting ability has increased to a sustainable level and as much as I joke about things I do try to stay humble about it. Though I like to think I've become better but I digress.

I love the lore of Clef and Meri, on or offsite, to the point that I am weird about it I know, but that's how I stay connected to my daughter. Writing the Deskverse is how I stay connected to my daughter.

I am also autistic which causes me to hyper fixate on Clef as a coping mechanism.

Because of this group of people I have greatly considered leaving the community and going back to my own personal solitude. Acting, Voice Acting, Cosplaying as Clef gave and still gives me something to live for again. I may not be this group's cup of tea but I do like to believe that I have helped others. My main goal has always been to uplift those who need uplifting. I do not want anyone to ever feel how I felt in my lowest and darkest moments.

The main story in the deskverse is about a father and a daughter torn apart by the actions of an abusive mother. My real life story.

I also have ZERO clue as to why I am being involved with misogyny or yuri things. If I have offended you in any way I do apologize.

I do not plan on posting the more 'suggestive' or 'lewd' responses they have made. Overly sexualized content does make me extremely uncomfortable.

This group of people have broken my heart into pieces. Seeing this list of images and names dragging me through the mud has already smashed my unstable self-esteem as it is.

At this time I do not plan on releasing any names associated with all of this because I am honestly tired of reliving the most horrid event of my life over and over because I, for whatever reason, do not fit what this group feels is acceptable of an actor/writer/fan.

I cannot say the same for the others in which they were assaulting.

In summary Alto Clef is an outlet for the pain I live with every day. I can never see, hold, hear, smell, or speak to my daughter. I have scars on my body from her mother that will never allow me to forget that life I had. I will always remember the taste of gunpowder but thankfully my drunk ass was too weak. If your going to be bad at something, be bad at that I suppose.

I will leave all of this with a final image from the copious list and the one that honestly hurts me the most. I am honestly a shy and reserved person and frankly it takes a lot for me to get out of my comfort zone. Not long ago I went to another SCP discord server because I wanted to meet new people and someone in there was awesome. I truly enjoyed my time with this person and just found them amazing. They were kind, open, willing to listen to my ideas, and gushed over Numberonedoggo. I thought I had finally made a new friend on my own. I was apparently wrong.

Art, from some of my favorite artists, was made for the sole reason of mocking me specifically. To laugh at me for finding joy in something that gives me purpose. Something I use to drive away the darkness.

No age, disorder, illness, or reason at all can be acceptable for anyone to act in this way. You are all a mockery of everything the SCP community should stand for.

-TheDesk

[justanotherhornycatgirl]

the most unfortunate part of my family constantly watching How I Met Your Mother when i was a kid (besides the obvious lingering psychological damage of being a young trans girl subjected to HIMYM) is the fact that i will never be able to stop thinking about it

specifically, HIMYM is a deeply transmisogynistic show, probably the most transmisogynistic sitcom I've ever seen (which would say a lot even if I'd only seen 2)

trans women, street queens, and the spectre of the tranny are the second most consistent humorous fallback the show relies on, just after "it's funny just how much of a rapist Barney is"

and yet what has always baffled me about the show is that, despite all the transmisogyny, Robin Scherbatsky feels so much as if she was written by someone who understands the transfem experience

a woman in the main cast defined by how she's different from other chicks

she wears suits, she drinks scotch, she likes guns

but we learn very quickly in the show that she is like this because she grew up as a boy, she talks through tears about how her father was so disappointed to have a daughter, and raised her as a son instead

how when puberty hit she couldnt ignore the fact that she was a girl anymore, and felt like a girl, and that she was attracted to men like a girl

and how it caused her to have a falling out with her father because he couldnt accept that he didnt have a son, and never did, not matter how much he convinced himself

we see her struggle with the bittersweet feeling of connectedness at the fact that the men in her life view her as "one of the bros", and the pain when that results in them struggling to love her like a woman

her anxieties over not knowing how girlfriends are "supposed" to act, the fact that in her late teenage years she went from pretending to be a boy and leaned hard into becoming a hyperfeminine pop singer and actress, the fact that she so relentlessly pursues a career in journalism where she would both be seen as a respected voice and attractive/admired

there are far too many examples of this to list, but i especially want to focus on her relationship to motherhood

she is consistently shown as averse to and afraid of motherhood

afraid to touch babies out of fear of holding them wrong or hurting them

but later in the series, when she learns she is infertile, it makes her distraught

and she spends multiple episodes mourning the fact that she will never be a mother

and im aware that this is a common trope with infertile women in media, but the implications absolutely change in this perspective

i dont have any big conclusion for this, just a mess of thoughts about a show i hate and also cant stop thinking about

[formylovetodaryldixon]

"Like there was no tomorrow." Daryl Dixon—Chapter 1.

Daryl Dixon promised himself, the night he let you go, that he would always love you, like there was no tomorrow. But when you come back into his life, you’re sure you won't fall for him again. However, even against your wishes, he will stay close to you, protecting you from getting hurt or worse, because a life without you is unimaginable. Now, like a roller coaster of emotions, you have to face your confusing feelings in an apocalyptic world, until you finally decide what the hell you expect from life, besides the chance to live one more day. And when a little girl shows up in your lifes, she may be the path to a safe place you two can finally call home. But, will that be enough to be together? Or will the past be too much to survive the storm?

PAIRING: Daryl Dixon x reader

WARNING: Death, blood, a lot of bad words hehe (but also romance and even some comedy if I can get it right hehe)

ERA: From prison onwards.

A/N: Hello! It is with great fear in my heart that I share with you the first chapter of this series. I hope you like it! I am not the best writer but I want to keep writing about Daryl, so I hope you give this story a chance. Thank you so much! I loved that dialogue of Michonne making fun of Daryl when she found out he had a girlfriend hehehe

You met Daryl before the dead came back to life.

He was a young man working for the owner of a motorcycle repair shop: the pay was bad, but good enough to get by. You were the child of a police officer (who had drinking problems) the typical sheltered (but down-to-earth) young person, just trying to make your life meaningful. Your older brother used to take you with him to get his bike repaired, and the rest of how you and Daryl met was history.

But that first day, it was a big surprise for him when you talked to him, because someone like you, who stood out like a brilliant sapphire among a pile of discolored rocks, talked to him like he was just like you. And it was almost blinding looking at you, like trying to look directly at the sun.

Daryl had a small inferiority complex he knew how to mask well, but from that day on, he couldn't wait to see you every week.

After that, it was a good three and a half years, with a few petty arguments, and a ring hidden in the back of his drawer that he never gave you. But the day he broke up with you, Daryl did it through his own suffocating pain, through his mistaken idea that he wasn’t enough for you, that the life he could offer you wasn’t the one you deserved, so that day, Daryl let you go. However, it would be a lie to say it was easy for him, because for the next 4 months, Daryl did nothing but come to see you every night, just to make sure you got home safely from your job.

A little bit later, the apocalypse began.

Daryl tried to find you that night, but your house was a mess, and there was no sign of you, so he and his brother left town. But he never stopped looking for you anywhere he went, he never stopped dreaming about you, because Daryl knew you were still alive.

But life is a funny and unpredictable thing, because that afternoon, it is you who comes back to him.

“Drop it.”

Your firm voice sinks into the ears of the man with his back to you, whose heart wakes up frantically when he feels the cold muzzle of your gun on the back of his head. The cold air of the abandoned room that used to be a classroom in that forgotten university makes the hairs on his skin stand on end, but he is too scared to even breathe.

You don't mean to scare the poor man like that, but like every so often when you came to look for other kinds of medicine, you never expected to find another living being in that place, especially one that preferred to take the bottles of alcohol when other things were more important. Therefore, he didn't seem like a person you could trust.

“Hey, I’m Bob and I’m not looking for trouble…” The man says softly, his hand holding the last bottle of alcohol that he had picked up from the ground, but frozen now in mid-air. “My group and I are looking for medicine for our people–”

“Yeah? I didn’t know you healed people with vodka.” You say sarcastically. “Put the bottle down and get out of here slowly. I'm not going to hurt you, but don't do anything stupid.”

Helpless, Bob complies with your command before beginning to walk outside, hands in the air to show you that he is harmless, but he is also unable to see the small falcon above your right shoulder. The yellow paws of your little girl cling to the fabric of your black long-sleeved shirt, without hurting you, but keeping her black eyes fixed on the prey before her, watching his movements and any attempt of sudden attack. However, the moment you two cross the door and take a couple of steps into the apparent lonely hallway, a light, almost silent footstep, like the weight of one of her feathers is heard in the falcon’s ears and Aeris makes a low sound, a warning that makes you turn the muzzle of the gun towards your right, towards the door on the other side of the hall in a single second.

Across the hall, Daryl lowers his crossbow when he sees you through it, even if it's almost impossible for him to believe that you're really there in front of him, not after he spent all that time looking for you since you two broke up. You lower your weapon as well, keeping a frown, but your heartbeat is as loud in your ears as if you had just fired a bullet on that silent and deathly place.

You knew he was out there and alive, (because Daryl was too smart with his survival instincts and all) but you never imagined you would see him again. His hair is long and covers part of his eyes, but his gaze is the same, those cold blue eyes that used to see you differently from the others.

“Peach?” His deep, low voice, the one you once thought was lost when he let you startles you now, but you keep your emotions back on track as he approaches, slowly, with a singular fear in his eyes. “Shit. I can’t believe s’ya.”

Behind him, a man with a gun and a woman with a katana walk out of the room, backpacks on their shoulders and serious expressions, because in that new world no one bothered to smile and be friendly with strangers anymore, and it is understandable given the circumstances.

“I went to look for ya at yer house when the bombings in the city started…” Daryl always had a special way of looking at you, just like now, so intense that when you first met him, you were afraid of drowning in his ocean-colored eyes. “Ya weren’t there, and yer dad…”

The sudden memory, the one you used to push into the deepest, darkest part of your memory, comes back to you with the force of a hurricane.

“Yeah, my dad was too drunk to get out of there.” You say softly, so softly so as not to sink into guilt for leaving him when he yelled at you to run. “My best friend was with me that night and it's just been me and her this whole time.”

“Peach…”

But Daryl’s voice is silenced when Aeris makes a sound again, looking down the hall where the first walker turns the corner, growling and bringing others behind it.

“We need to go!” The katana-wielding woman takes the lead, walking the other way.

You and the new group follow suit, passing a pair of classrooms that hid a pair of silent walkers until they feel everyone's presence. That moment, they start growling, following you all. The only clear room you all enter is windowless, and it is so dark that it plunges you into a new kind of darkness that the light from the flashlight you and the woman pull tries to fight off.

“Hey! The door’s broken.” Bob whispers, teeth clenched in fear as he presses himself against the closed door.

“Hold on.” Daryl steps closer, pushing the heavy animal bars to block the path of the walkers that begin to pile up against it.

You stop beside the woman, your own flashlight pointing at the staircase sign above the double wooden doors on the other side of the stifling room.

“Hey. There.” You tell her, and when her flashlight points in the same direction, she nods at you. But as you approach the chains covering the doors, the walkers on the other side rush at the small gap between the boards, rotting hands trying to reach for you all. “I don't know how many are on the other side.”

The unlocked door on the other end begins to give way, letting in more walkers.

“We can take ‘em.” The big man in the woolly hat says, his gun ready to fire, but is silenced by Bob’s words.

“No! They’re infected. Same as at the prison. We fire at ‘em, get their blood on us, breath it in. We didn’t come all this way to get sick.”

The man in the hat points the flashlight at him.

“How do we know the ones in there aren’t any different?”

“We don’t.” The woman replies, sword in her hands.

“Well, it’s gonna change sometimes.”

Daryl approaches the upside-down chair near him, using his boot to break the legs. He steps up to the door next and uses his weight against the chains to break them, throwing the doors wide, the first few walkers nearly tripping over each other with their hands in the air, ready to sink their teeth into the skin of the closest victim.

Simultaneously, you and the woman take down two with a bullet and a swing of her katana, clearing the way for the others. It’s dark the minute it takes you all turn around a corner, but then, the daylight hits you in the face as you take the first step towards the staircase, the sunlight lighting the way up with the others in front of you.

Aeris swings on your shoulder before taking flight to the next floor over the heads of the others. You had saved that bird when she was a chick, and now, she was the compass that always guided you to a safe place: you trust her with your life.

“Follow her...” You say, taking the lead when everyone stops for a microsecond. “She’ll find the path clear of walkers.”

“How the fuck will she do that? It’s a bird!” Bob growls, but following the rest up the steps.

“Because she’s smarter than all of us put together.” You say through gritted teeth in frustration, stepping into the floor as the stairs finally end in front of you.

The room opens up into two hallways, and though the hallway on the left is clear, Aeris is standing on the edge of the closed window on the right side, speaking in small sounds.

“There’s no way out through there!” Bob shouts, but before he takes a step into the apparent emptiness on left, more walkers round the corner and others come out of the adjoining rooms, growling in the distance.

“Fuck…” Daryl growls as he passes you, watching in frustration as the bird returns to your shoulder. “We make one then.”

He loops his crossbow strap around his body before grabbing a fire extinguisher from the ground, finally throwing it at the glass. The window makes a loud sound as glass falls in all directions, but clearing an improvised path for you all. Daryl climbs up to the edge, giving the woman his hand first to cross to the other side, but when he's about to do the same with you, you're already standing on top on your own.

He narrows his eyes, frustrated at your tendency to do things alone.

You jump onto the roof next to the window, but it is so narrow that your knees bend as you fall, using your hands to keep your balance. Aeris rocks with the movement, but she remains on your shoulder. The man in the hat jumps next, followed by Daryl, and finally Bob, who uses a little more strength than necessary and the weight of his backpack propels it over the edge, falling into the void where dozens of hands rush to try and grab it.

On the ground, mouths are open and hands grab onto the backpack strap, but Bob has no intention of letting go even as he struggles with them, half his body already down. The others rush to help, but Aeris shifts uneasily on your shoulder, as if she's holding you back, her own reaction to the impending danger and not just from the walkers.

Finally, Bob manages to pull himself halfway up from the edge, pushing his backpack against the floor of that ceiling, which makes a clear sound you know well from your past life: the sound of glass bottles. And amidst the haze of confusion and as racing hearts try to calm down, Daryl kneels in front of the half-open backpack, grabbing a full bottle of vodka.

“Ya got no meds in yer bag?” You can hear it, the danger in his angry yet low voice. “Just this?”

Bob tries to speak, to say something in his defense even when everyone knows, including you, that there would be no excuse to support his reckless action.

But when Daryl tries to throw the bottle, Bob’s hand instinctively reaches for the gun at his waist, letting out a no under his breath. And suddenly, and even outside and with all the open air, the impending tension closes dangerously around the others. You knew Daryl grew up without a single ounce of fear in his body, after forgetting what fear was after all the beatings his dad used to give him when he was little, and now, he, so sure that he can beat the shit out of Bob without even using his gun, steps closer to his face, looking him in the eyes. Daryl has a short temper, and from behind, you can see his back tensing up in anger, his hand taking the gun from Bob's waist before grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. He's good, you know that, but his rage and frustration were always really short, almost deadly, and dangerous like playing close to a volcano.

But Daryl keeps growling softly, like a wild animal, his blue eyes fixed on Bob, though he can't meet his eyes.

“Daryl…” You say softly, trying to ease the tension of the situation before he ends up pushing the poor man over the edge. You’ve already seen him hurt someone for less in a bar, when a drunk guy tried to hit on you, calling you by a disgusting name that Daryl eventually made him swallow with the punching he gave that man. “Don’t do it… please.”

Daryl exhales through his nose, letting out all his anger first, his jaw too tight to speak at that second.

“Take one sip ‘fore those meds get to our people, and I will beat yer ass into the ground.” He says, low, and it’s not a warning: it’s a promise you know he’ll keep as he pushes the bottle against Bob’s chest. “Ya hear me?”

Daryl steps away from Bob, giving you a silent look before continuing, but hating that only you could calm that fierce temper of his, even after being apart for so long.

“Do you have a doctor where you’re staying?”

Out in the open field, Aeris is always flying nearby, you know that. But the moment you enter the once-convenience store, connected to a house, the long hallway seems to become small until it closes around your throat because of the thought of not being able to get help for your friend, a thought that begins to dance in your scared mind.

“Yes, but…” Michonne hesitates, not knowing how to continue, how to explain that the seemingly safe place is falling under a strange virus. “But I don’t know if it would be best for you to come with us right now.”

“It’s not for me…” You say in front of her, opening the back door that eventually extends into a forgotten, old living room, with just two small sofas and a wooden table in the center. But the daylight coming through the white curtain gives the place a warm touch, like an image from centuries ago, as if the world hadn't gone straight to hell. “My friend is sick and I don’t know how to help her.”

The others enter the room, the two men sitting on the couches while Michonne paces around, and they all carry a strange mix of emotions under the promise of getting enough gasoline to get them home, but still under the shadow of what happened back at the college. You can read the discomfort on their faces, making you feel uncomfortable too.

“Ya and Sam live here?” Daryl stops beside you, looking at you as deeply as those days that now seem not so far away. “Is she okay? Are ya okay?”

You let out a heavy sigh before continuing, thinking back a bit.

“Yeah. Maybe a month ago an older woman found us in her store looking for supplies, and I guess she was either nice or naive but she invited us to eat with her because we didn’t seem like bad people to her. Ellie lives here with her husband, who is unfortunately quadriplegic, so Sam and I stayed with them. They offered us food and I... security in what I can do.”

“Can you shoot?” Michonne asks, approaching you.

“Ya kiddin’?” Daryl snorts. “The first time we fought she threw a peach at me that landed exactly where she wanted. (Y/N) has a hell of an aim.”

For the first time and after the danger has passed, Michonne smiles.

“I wasn’t kidding when I told you my aim would help me if an apocalypse ever broke out…” You try to chuckle, but the attempt falls flat on a sigh. “Can you please take my friend with you? I don’t know what else to do for her, and I’m afraid that if she keeps this up, she’ll ask me to end her suffering at any moment.”

The new group falls into a heavy silence, debating internally whether doing so is a good idea.

“If we don’t, you won’t give us the gasoline?” Tyreese asks, eager to get back to his sister.

“Of course not.” But you shake your head, trying to explain yourself better. “I mean; you can take the gas either way.”

Silently, the others share glances before voicing their opinions, but the absence of noise makes your hands shake and a strange warmth awaken in the pit of your stomach, running through your entire body, so in response, you push up the sleeves of your shirt to cool you down, forgetting for a second about your scars, revealing a secret you thought you wouldn’t have to share with anyone else.

Daryl spots them immediately, too wrapped up in you to miss them.

“The fuck happened to yer wrists?” He grabs your arm, lifting it up to observe the aftermath of that night when you had to burn both of your arms to set you free. “And don’t ya fuckin’ dare lie to me.”

In a second, your body fills with anger when you hear that tone spilling over from his voice, so you yank your arm away.

“Fuck you, Dixon, I’m not your problem. So don’t ask me for explanations like I’m your responsibility.”

“Ya are ma fuckin’ responsibility.” He steps closer to you, so dangerously that it alerts the others.

But to their surprise, you chuckle humorlessly, and they're already getting the idea that you alone could handle Daryl Dixon.

“You're wrong, Daryl, I’m not yours at all, in any way.” Your gaze is as deep as your words, which fall on his chest at the memory of a relationship he ended. “Now, if you can take my friend, I’ll thank you infinitely, and if not, take the gasoline from the kitchen and get out of here.”

Michonne’s chest falls when she exhales, but she gives a silent look to Daryl, who hasn’t stopped looking at you with some frustration.

“Okay, we’ll take her with us. You can come too.”

You shake your head.

“I’m not leaving Ellie alone with Mark. But I have two walkie talkie, so you can take one and if Sam gets better, I’ll go get her. And if not…” Your chest tightens with the anxiety and uncertainty, the incessant fear of not being able to do more for her. “Just try to help her, please.”

When you feel the warning of the first tear behind your eyes, you tell them that you will get the gasoline so that way you have an escape route, some comfort in solitude in case the worst happens. She is your best friend, your sister, your person, a rock you could hold on to when a storm fell upon your life, and the thought of losing her too in that cruel world takes your breath away, slowly killing you.

But when you take a few steps into the kitchen that now has yellowed walls, Daryl walks in behind you.

“Ya are comin' with us.”

As you turn to him, you can’t help but hate that order in his deep voice, that command he used in his misguided attempt to protect you.

“Daryl, thank you, but I don’t need you to worry about me. And I’m a big girl, I can take care of myself.”

“I dun fuckin’ care.” He growls, moving closer to you again. “I ain’t leavin’ ya alone in this place.”

You chuckle, just to prove to him that his words don’t have an effect on you.

“I’m not alone, I have Aeris.”

Daryl narrows his eyes.

“That fuckin’ bird?”

“Hey, watch your mouth, sunshine…” You smirk. “Because that damn bird saved your ass today. If it weren't for her, everyone would have gone into the corridor with the walkers. Now… grab the gasoline you need and leave.”

Your gaze leaves him the moment you walk out the kitchen, cruelly, leaving him unable to continue seeing those deep eyes he always loved to gaze upon, because they could tell him without a single word everything he once meant to you. He always thought that you had probably been the only person capable of loving him with all his flaws, without ever being afraid of him, ever, but in the end, because Daryl knows he won’t change your mind, not with a personality as stubborn as his own, he takes the gasoline with the help of the others.

About half an hour later, the car hidden beneath some branches is ready to take them back home, but the feeling of leaving you alone again is suffocating for Daryl as he watches you from outside the car, the way you say goodbye to your best friend, telling her she will be okay even though she is practically unconscious, too weak to respond to your last show of affection before you pull away.

“Thank you, (Y/N).” Michonne says, in a tone so warm it makes you smile slightly.

“No. Thank you. I hope you get safely to… your home.”

With a final look filled with gratitude, but absent, you say goodbye to most everyone, stepping away from the group to return to the safety of your own small home. Silently, Daryl watches you go, but harboring that same desire that seems to be carved into fire in his chest, that desire to go after you now, like he wanted to do that night he broke up with you. The second you left that night, Daryl wanted to go after you to tell you that he was sorry, that he was lying, that he was too much of a coward to stop listening to those thoughts in his head that told him he would never be able to give you what you deserved, even though he didn't even know what that was.

But the moment you disappear around the corner of the building, Michonne approaches Daryl as the others enter the car.

“Who was (Y/N) in your life, Daryl?”

He lets out a growl through clenched teeth, part of him hating you (although not seriously) for always being so stubborn.

“Ma goddamn woman.”

Michonne nods slowly, weighing his words because in her eyes, he always seemed too lonely to let any person get close to him like that. Daryl seemed too reluctant to let a person penetrate that armor he had around himself, that concrete wall that prevented full access to his insides. She also knows that Daryl is a good man, but it is almost impossible to believe that someone like him, who used to push others away from him so as not to get too attached, would be capable of showing that kind of affection towards someone else.

But it’s fascinating at the same time.

“She kind of hates you.”

Daryl shakes his head before going to the car.

“Nah. That’s her special way of tellin’ ya she still loves me.”

Michonne chuckles, following him. He gets into the driver’s seat, closing his door as she does the same with the other.

“You’re going to come back for her, aren’t you?”

“Hell yeah. Now that I found her I ain't lettin' her go again, even if I have to carry her stubborn body over ma shoulder to take her with me to the prison.”

Michonne smiles, loving the idea that Daryl could be so honest with his feelings even in front of all of them.

“So you do have a soft spot after all.”

Daryl growls quietly as he starts the car, driving away from the building to go back to the prison. Daryl Dixon promised himself, the night he let you go, that he would always love you, like there was no tomorrow, but now that he found you, or that you had found him, Daryl wouldn't let you leave his side never again. He wouldn't make the same mistake twice. Hell, no.

@fluffy-dixon

[augustinewrites]

Augustine do you think the Fushigojos (or what’s left of them, legit just Megumi and fishigojo mom 😭) are able to get through it? Will they be fine after losing Tsumiki and Satoru, and will they move on together and live happily?

i think about this frequently bcs in the series they're super close...so i like to think that they would be okay but i know the pain would be there (more under the cut for you masochists who want to read fushigojo angst)

they don't go home right away. mostly due to megumi recovering at the school, but also because neither of them really want to go home. they put it off for as long as they can, but the day they finally decide to, they procrastinate. they walk, taking the long way. they do the grocery shopping. fushigojo mom cries in the k-mart bcs she saw that satoru's favourite candies were on sale but when she went to reach for it, she remembered there'd be no one to eat it. they left pretty soon after that (megumi grabbed the candies anyway)

they wander a bit with their bags of groceries in hand. they stop for tea at the little shop on the corner of their street and sit at a table made for two instead of four. just sitting in silence as they watch everyone go on with their lives. they talk about when megumi wants to go back to school, when he's going to move back into the dorms. he doesn't want to though, he says he's going to live at the apartment and commute until he graduates.

when it starts to get dark, they finally head home. it's more painful than the two imagined, coming home to two empty spots at their dining room table, an empty room, and an empty spot in the bed. food is put away, teeth are brushed (there's no line for the bathroom, weird), and then they're off to bed.

(fushigojo mom wakes up in the middle of the night to see megumi asleep on the floor of their bedroom, but neither of them say anything about it in the morning)

someone from the gojo clan shows up the next day, because they need to go over the details of the funeral. it's a big and dramatic affair, something they both know satoru would both love and hate. they don't get to make any suggestions though. they don't want fushigojo mom to go (idk if you guys remember, but she's pregnant!!!) bcs it's too risky. this baby could inherit six eyes and be the next satoru gojo.

i think she and megumi have a teary eyed laugh about this whole thing. how funny it is-- how easily life moves on, and so does everyone else. the rest of the world doesn't stop spinning just because theirs does.

the funeral comes and goes, megumi goes with his friends, shoko stays home with fushigojo mom. takes her to see his body after the funeral, lends her a shoulder to cry on.

after the funeral, once school and life resume, moving on is a very long, difficult process. there's a lot of hurt, a deep ache in both their chests. it eases a bit over time, but i think she and megumi have a hard time letting go of each other 😭 especially once the baby comes. (the three of them visit satoru's resting place frequently, right beside tsumiki's)

but eventually megumi graduates from jujutsu tech and has to grow up too :( and even though he doesn't want to leave them, she doesn't want to hold him back. letting go is hard, but it's what satoru always wanted for him, and she's going to make sure they both honour that.

[queen-of-the-avengers]

500

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female!Reader

Word Count: ~2.2k

Warnings: angst

Summary: You're given a gift that will allow you to help others. You try to use this gift for good and you never make anyone feel like a charity case. However, when you meet Bucky Barnes, you know you have to do something or he'll live the rest of his life in pain.

Squares Filled: graveyard (2021) for @buckybarnesbingo

Author’s Note: any and all comments are greatly appreciated <3

x

The thing you love most about New York is not everywhere is like the city. If you travel far enough outside of it, it turns into any normal town like any other state has. You’re on your way to visit your parents at the New York State Veterans Cemetery since your father was a soldier in World War II. Your mother requested to be buried alongside him even though she was never in the military, and they let her.

It’s a four-hour drive from the city where you live, so you take this moment to yourself and think about your purpose on Earth. About once a month, you get like this because you’re not normal. You were born with the ability to see people’s pain above their heads in numbers ranging from zero to sixty. One is not in any pain at all and sixty is the worst pain a person can be in.

You’ve been to plenty of hospitals around New York, so you’ve seen people who are in a tremendous amount of pain, but no one has ever been above sixty. You’ve been on this Earth for thirty-three years and never have you seen someone with a sixty-one above their head. Why were you born with this ability? You’re not sure but you know you can do a whole lot of good with it. 

It’s why you became a licensed therapist as well as a social worker. You take on jobs that will help as many people as you can. While you can’t heal anyone physically like a nurse or a doctor, you can help with their emotional and mental trauma which is where most of the pain lies. You’re the only person without a number above your head but it’s likely your powers don’t work on you.

You look at the taxi driver and see the number twenty-five above his head. He’s seen some stuff in his life, that’s for sure. He must be a taxi driver to get away from it all, to just coast through life without having to deal with a lot of stress. You’re guessing but it’s not like you’re going to ask the man what kind of trauma he’s been through in his life.

He drops you off at the cemetery and drives away once you’ve paid him. You like to spend hours with your parents and tell them all that you’ve seen and the people you helped, and that usually takes a few hours at the least. You clutch your mother’s favorite flowers and walk into the cemetery, keeping your head down out of respect.

You sit down right across from their graves and break the bouquet into two so both your parent can have flowers.

“I helped a teenager last week escape his abusive parents,” you begin. “They didn’t care about him and often used him as an outlet for their rage. His pain was at a thirty. Thirty. At age fifteen. I went to go visit him in his new home and his pain was at a twenty-seven. He’s healing and I’d like to think I had something to do with it. I wish you guys were here to see this. It’s amazing to see someone’s number go down because of something I did.”

You look up and scan the area when you notice a man standing by himself near one of the graves. The wind is knocked out of your lungs and you have to brace yourself on the ground so you don’t fall over. The man isn’t saying anything to the grave, just standing over it. Above his head is a whopping five hundred. If you saw someone with an eighty, you’d be floored. The fact that this man has a five hundred over his head… how is he still alive? It’s clearly not physical wounds that hurt him.

Who is this man? Even the most depressed people never go above sixty. You once got involved with a woman who was passed around in the sex trafficking ring and she didn’t even go above sixty. This man has five hundred.

Five hundred.

He says something to the grave before leaving, and you’re too shocked to get up and follow him. What would you even say to him? He had to have been broken down to the very last piece only to be put back together. Over and over again. That’s probably why he’s at five hundred. You don’t want him to feel like a charity case but you have to know that man. To think he’s walking around in such profound pain brings you pain.

“Mama, I think I found someone who might need my help. I’ll let you know how it goes next week.”

Since the cemetery is four hours away from the city, you’re hoping that he is from around here. You spend the next several days walking around Central Park just watching for that five hundred to show up again. You know exactly who the man was. You got a glimpse of his face as he was leaving the cemetery, and you knew he’d never leave New York. This is his home.

You know who he is and after some research on him, you know why he has a five hundred above his head. The following Saturday, you’re walking around Central Park in hopes of seeing this man again. You’d like to think because he has a five hundred, he has his humanity back. He’s feeling the guilt of everything he’s done so you know he isn’t dangerous.

Two women job past you laughing at what one of them said, and you notice how one of the women has a two above her head while the other has a fifteen. Maybe the fifteen did something her friend doesn’t know about and the guilt is starting to eat her alive. A young couple is sitting on the grass with a picnic between them, and both of them only have a five above their head. They must be in love. An elderly couple walks past them with both of them having a forty above their heads. Guess love doesn’t always work out for people in the end.

Central Park gets around six thousand daily visitors, and none of them have a number above sixty. You’ve traveled across the country for your job and non one has ever surpassed sixty. Not until him. You walk further into the park where a cluster of benches are, and you stop when you see that thick five hundred number again.

There he is. Sitting all alone.

Now’s your chance. You walk up to him who barely acknowledges your presence.

“May I sit here?”

He looks up and sees the book in your hands thinking you’re going to mind your business and read silently. He doesn’t say anything but nods so you sit across from him and open your book. You pretend like you’re reading it when really, you’re looking at him from over the top of your book. He has gloves on his hands and it’s not wintertime yet.

There’s a reason why he is wearing gloves.

“My name is Y/N. What’s yours?” you ask gently.

“Bucky.”

“That’s an interesting name. Is it short for something?”

“My middle name is Buchanan. My friends call me Bucky.”

“Nice to meet you, Bucky.” You go back to reading only to put the book down several minutes later. “Do you live around here? Or are you visiting someone?”

“No, not visiting someone.”

He’s clearly not into the conversation but you’re not going to give up. He’s not another project. You’re genuinely interested in getting to know him. Sure, his number enticed you to want to talk to him but you’re going to treat him like you would anyone else. It’s going to take a lot more than one conversation for him to open up to you.

The next day, you find him sitting in the same spot with the same five hundred above his head. You walk over to him and don’t ask to sit down, you just do. He lifts his head and notices the book first before looking into your eyes.

“Hi, Bucky. Do you mind if I sit here again?”

“No,” he shakes his head.

Today, you let him get used to your company. You don’t say anything to him except for when you part ways at the end of the day. You want him to be comfortable around you otherwise, he won’t talk to you. Every day after that, you keep sitting across from him reading the same book, allowing him to feel comfortable around you.

“So, what’s your book about?” he asks on the fourth day of sitting across from him.

“It’s called The Maze Runner. I know, it’s for an audience a bit younger than me, but I love the movies. It’s about a young man who wakes up with no memory of who he is and is stuck with a group of boys who also have no memory of who they are. They’re stuck in this maze-like area and they have to try and figure their way out of it that no one has ever survived. There are three movies but there are five books.”

“Sounds interesting. I’ll have to read it.”

“Here,” you close your book and hand it over to him, “take this.”

“No, that’s yours.”

“This is my fifth time reading the series.”

“I can’t just take your book.”

“Then consider it a loan. Give it back when you’re done. Plus, it’ll give me an excuse to come and talk to you again.”

Bucky smiles for the first time since you’ve met him, and God, what a beautiful smile it is.

“Thank you.”

“Look, I have to get going, but here is my number.” You write down your number on a spare piece of paper and hand it over. “If you ever want another good book recommendation or the second book in the series, give me a call. Or, you know, if you just want to talk.”

“Okay,” he nods.

You don’t have to look back to know he’s watching you walk away. The next time you see him is a couple of days later. He hasn’t used your number which is fine because you don’t want to rush anything with him.

“Did you finish it?” you ask and sit across from him.

“Yeah, I did. It’s really good.”

“I brought the second one just in case.”

You two exchange the books and he smiles at you.

“Thank you. Would you like to go on a walk with me? Just around Central Park.”

“Sure.”

A walk around the park usually takes two hours if you’re leisurely enough about it, and there is no rush to go anywhere else. You want to ask Bucky a million things about his life and where he came from but you don’t pry into his life. You can get that information online if you want to, but you want this relationship to grow naturally.

Though, you’re not sure you understand why someone like him can be this sad about who he is.

“So, this might be a weird question but how do you feel?”

“Why is that a weird question? I’m fine.”

“It’s just… you seem so sad sometimes.”

“Honestly? There’s not a whole lot to be happy about these days.”

“You’re alive, right? That’s a pretty damn good day to me.”

“Yeah, well, sometimes, I wish I wasn’t.”

“Well, if you weren't, I wouldn’t have met you. I think you’re a great guy.”

“That’s because you don’t know who I am. If you did, you’d be smart to run,” he sighs.

“I know who you are. I know about the Winter Soldier. I lived in DC when everything happened with Steve.” He looks at you and uncertainty swims in his eyes. “It doesn’t matter to me. I’ve read about what you have done. Hell, I’ve seen it, but that doesn’t make you a bad person.”

“It doesn’t?” he asks with a thick voice filled with emotion.

“Come on, there are a lot of people worse than you like child molesters and rapists. On that spectrum, you’re not so bad. What makes a person bad is the fact that they know what they’re doing is wrong and still continue to do it. When someone wakes up and stops doing what made them bad, that’s not being bad. When someone is manipulated into doing bad things but doesn’t do those things anymore, that’s not being bad. I’m sorry, am I making any sense?” you chuckle.

“Yeah, you are,” he chuckles back. “Thank you.”

“Thank you for the walk but I need to go now. I have to get to work. Can I take you out? You know, a place that’s not Central Park? I can show you my favorite bookstore with books like The Maze Runner.”

“I’ll text you.”

“Great. I look forward to it.”

You start to walk away from him knowing he is watching you walk off. When you get to the busy street, you look back and notice something that brings a bright smile to your face. That five hundred above his head? It’s now at four hundred and ninety-nine.

x

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[i9messi]

How you get the girl — Pablo Gavi

Pablo comes to your house in the middle of the storm to tell you he wants you back and he still loves you.

Word count — 1,8k

a/n: what can I say, taylor inspires me a lot. (ANGSTY but with a happy ending!)

gavi's masterlist

Ever since you and Pablo broke up six months ago, every time he told someone you weren’t together anymore, people asked him the same question. «Why did he let you go?» and the truth was that he couldn't understand how he had been stupid enough to let you go. You were the girl he had fallen in love with and yet, he had been stupid enough to lose you.

He thought a lot about you, every night he went to bed wanting to text you and every morning he woke up thinking it was a good option to call you. He had never done it before, Gavi had never dared to approach you, fearing that you wouldn't want him anymore.

"Pablo, what are you doing here? It’s raining. Are you insane?"

He shook his head, his eyes meeting yours. You were so pretty, you’ve always been pretty to his eyes.

"I needed to talk to you."

"Couldn’t you wait until the rain stopped? Oh, Pablo, you’re going to get sick. Come, come in."

Gavi needed to talk to you and he knew that outside, with the rain falling so hard, it was impossible. He preferred the privacy of your home so you both could have a real conversation. He was led by you to the living room and you picked up some towels.

"Strip. You’re gonna catch a cold."

"What?"

"I will bring you clothes. I still have some of your things in my room."

There were countless times your ex-boyfriend had been to your house. You remembered the nights you would just hug, talking about everything that was going through your heads. Gavi was a person who didn’t get along with the pressure people put on him, he didn’t react well when things went wrong on the pitch. He would get stressed and the pressure wouldn’t help. He just loved coming to your house and disconnecting from the real world, he loved to hear you talk because your voice calmed him like nothing else.

When you came back, Pablo was still standing there, all wet and with the towels in his hands. His body was shaking from the cold, even though the heat was on. You passed him the clothes you had on him, a pair of pants and a t-shirt. They both still smelled like him.

"Do you want me to start you a shower or a bath?"

"No, it’s fine. Really."

"Okay, then I’ll go make something hot to drink."

You went to the kitchen without waiting for his answer, simply wanting to leave there for a moment. You weren’t ready to see Pablo after months of missing him like never before. It was painful to have him so close and at the same time so far away. He had hurt you, grabbed your heart and broken it into thousands of pieces, he never dared to apologize. Gavi never called you, he never texted you. He had moved on with his life, while you kept the memories of the relationship.

What was he doing there? The question didn't leave you alone. Outside the weather was the worst, it rained like never before, it was actually a thunderstorm, but Gavi had appeared to knock on your door.

Taking a breath, you finished preparing the hot drink and went to the living room, where you met your ex-boyfriend. Pablo was now dressed in dry clothes, although his hair was still soaked.

"I made you a mug of tea."

"I still love you."

The statement took you by surprise. Your shaking hands left tea on the table, while you stood there. The brunette kept looking at you. He spoke again, just because he thought you didn't hear him.

"I still love you."

"Pablo, don’t do this to me."

"What? Tell you how I feel? I never stopped loving you at all."

You shook your head. You were shocked by what he was telling you, you couldn’t just accept it like everything was fine. It wasn't. He had broken your heart with his hands.

"Did you try to call me at all, Pablo?"

"I was never brave enough to do it.”

"You’re a coward, that’s what you are. You broke my heart and never dared to apologize, or at least say you screwed things up. You come six months later to tell me you still love me? Is everything a joke to you?"

Gavi was embarrassed, he knew it probably wasn’t the best choice of words, but he really wanted to let you know how he felt. After everything that happened in the past, he believed you still would listen to him.

“I know It’s been a long six months and I was afraid of telling what I want— I practically lost my mind since I lost you, all because I left you without giving you any explanation. I shouldn’t have done that, I shouldn’t have left the one girl I’ve loved and will love all my life. I just know that I’ve ever missed anyone or anything as much as I missed you. I didn’t know until now that missing someone like that was possible."

"Pablo, it’s too late now."

You were crying, tears poured down your eyes and all your emotions struggled to find a place in your chest. Loving a person and at the same time making such a difficult decision was cruel.

“It's okay, but I'm not okay with the fact I lost you because I was stupid enough to not fight for you. I will accept that you no longer love me and I have ruined everything. But I couldn’t take it anymore, I needed to come here and tell you how I feel about you.”

You kept quiet for what seemed like an eternity, until you breathed and found his gaze once again.

"I still love you, Pablo. But you broke my heart and I can’t just— I can’t accept you breaking it again. I can’t tolerate someone who I love breaking my heart not just once, but twice."

"I will not. I will not break your heart again, I will pick up every piece I have broken."

You looked at him. He seemed honest.

"No, Pablo. I can’t do this anymore."

"I will wait as long as you need."

"For what? Do you think I’ll change my mind?"

Pablo didn’t answer, so you spoke again.

"I will bring you the things that belong to you. It’s over, for good."

You went to your room, where you still kept a box of all his belongings. Photos, his clothes and gifts that he had given you and certain things that you had borrowed, but had never given them back before. Having all those things in your room made you remember him and spending those months with his memory had been painful.

You came back with the box in your hands and leaned it on the table. Letting go of everything was a real goodbye, saying goodbye to the love you had for him. You didn’t really feel sure about anything you were doing, you still wanted him to fight. That he would tell you that he needed you, that he would fight to be by your side.

“Everything is here.”

"Okay, so I guess this is a goodbye."

Wasn’t he going to fight a little more?

Your ex-boyfriend got up from the couch and took the box, you walked him to the door quietly, but when he opened it, both saw that outside it rained torrentially. The weather had not improved and seemed to only get worse every minute. He stepped forward, until you stopped him, holding his arm.

"Pablo, don’t go."

He turned, his brown eyes holding your gaze. The same eyes that had looked at you at your best and worst moments. The ones that belonged to the person you loved the most.

"Wait until the rain stops."

"Okay."

You both returned to the living room, where you sat on the couch. Pablo left the box on the table and his hands approached the box to pull out a picture of you two. You saw him smile. It was a picture of when the team had won La Liga, Pablo was very happy that day. You had been there with his family to support him and when you saw your boyfriend, you couldn’t help running and hugging him. His family had captured the moment, where you were both on the floor, smiling like two idiots.

He spoke, "I miss this."

"Me too."

"Look at this." He smiled, pointed out another picture. It was a Polaroid.

You were both sitting on the couch, smiling for the camera. It seemed like forever ago, but it had only been a few months.

"Why did you never call? If you had called me..."

Your voice caught him by surprise, Gavi left the picture in the box. You could see that his hands were shaking a little and now it wasn’t because of the cold or the rain.

"Would you have listened to me? Would you have accepted that I loved you and ruined it because I didn’t know what I wanted?"

"Yes."

"Is it too late now? Is it too late to tell you that I love you and that I want you back?"

"It’s not too late, Pablo."

His eyes shone with longing and hope. It was the first time in that afternoon that you gave him signs of hope. That maybe, just maybe, you could give him a second chance.

You grabbed another one of the Polaroids and looked at it. Pablo and you were on the beach, the two of you smiling as you kissed each other. His hands held you by the waist, while you held him by the shoulders, giving him a hug.

You missed him, you loved him, and you needed to have him by your side. Being so close to him and remembering everything that had once been put things in perspective.

"Please let me love you right this time, let me love you as you deserve to be loved from the start."

"Won’t you break my heart?"

"I swear to you that I won't, I will love you this time. I will prove to you that it is worth giving me a second chance. I will not let you down."

You cried, Pablo was seconds away from doing it too. You approached him and allowed him to give you a hug and hold you in his arms. Both of you remained silent for a long time.

"I don’t deserve you, mi amor." he said.

"I am the only one who can decide if someone deserves me, and I can say that you are that someone who does."

"I love you."

"I love you too, Pablo."

Pablo would work hard every day to make things right and let you know how much he loved you.

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

a little self-indulgent, but may I request Full headcanons of M6 reacting (and accommodating?) to MC who's easily jealous and possessive due to their trauma? (for example, MC got cheated on before and now they can't bear the thought of M6 doing the same to them, if it makes sense.)

thanks!

The Arcana HCs: When MC struggles with jealousy

Julian

Cheating simply Does Not Occur to him. It doesn't enter his mind

Seriously. He doesn't doubt his capacity to be attractive, but for such a complicated person, experiencing love is a straightforward matter for him. He loves you. Why bother with anything else?

Of course, if it's a source of pain for you, then it's a concern for him too. He's had his fair share of unhealthy relationships and isn't in the dark about just how badly cheating will mess someone up

He's also the type to overthink things, so once you bring it up as your own issue, he's naturally taking it on as his issue too

He wouldn't! ... but now he's going to go out of his way to prove to himself that he's not the kind of person who would

It also drives the point home to him just how precious it is to have your trust (and why he really should have never tried to briefly dump you on the docks). That did need some discussing

In general, he's so transparent and talkative with you that there's nobody in his life you don't know about. If he has a high opinion of them, he's already trying to get you two to be friends as well

And if you ever worry that someone else is better for him, he will take that as a challenge to outdo your sense of unworthiness /j

Asra

They would never. You know this. They know this. Every citizen in Vesuvia knows this. The major Arcana know this

But the horrible thing about traumas and fears is that they don't have to be rational to hurt you, and Asra knows that too

Your relationship actually went through quite the rough patch with this at first. Asra's plenty familiar with heartbreak, but he doesn't have a jealous bone in his body and struggles to understand it

What's more, their own traumas make them practically allergic to feeling controlled or trapped in any way, which doesn't help their love of being mysterious and unpredictable

Which, of course, only fed your anxieties, and in turn left him easily triggered if you tried to get a solid answer out of him about what he'd been up to all day on his spontaneous solo side quests

What's most important, though, is that they love you with everything they are, and they're dedicated to helping you heal and being the best partner they can as they build a happy life with you

It's a catalyst for both of you to confront and work through your traumas together - your jealousy, and his fear of constancy

They do find telling you all about their day is actually lots of fun

Nadia

She is so glad you're bringing this up

Would she ever cheat? Absolutely not. She takes relational boundaries very seriously and what she has with you is a kind of love and safety and closeness she's waited for her whole life

However, while she and Lucio never cheated on each other, they did have an open marriage which meant other lovers were in the picture, and knowing you're not comfortable with that is important

She will happily get into the nitty gritty of past grievances and unsatisfying relationships and the details of every boundary

She also strongly values your sense of safety and security with her, and if there's any little things she can do to equip you to battle your demons, she will happily do them. Just tell her what helps

However, it is also very important to her to clarify that your jealousy is your situation talking and not a slight on her character

Because if it helps you heal to see her be transparent with you, she'll practically become glass, but if you start questioning her own intentions and moral code, you're not giving her space to do right

Can and will set things up so you can watch her beat down anybody flirting with her in real time (and kiss you afterwards)

Muriel

Cheating is an entirely foreign concept to him and the fact that someone would actually do that is completely horrifying to him

He is so, so sorry you had to find out what that was like

He's also baffled about how that could even happen. In his case, you're the first person he's even considered having a relationship like this with. Who else would he even want to be with?

The first time you express any insecurity or jealousy about him specifically, he's a little thrown. Just the thought of betraying you like that disgusts him, do you really distrust him that much?

Of course, that's his own traumas and insecurities affecting him, and he knows better than anyone how poor past experiences make him fear hurt from his loved ones which he knows they'd never do

If you have the patience to soothe him when he flinches from your sudden movements or unexpected happy shouts, he easily has the patience to reassure you of your importance and safety with him

He'll also hold a grudge even bigger than yours against whoever gave you that relational trauma. In his mind, they have a reserved spot right next to Lucio in the not-fun part of the afterlife

Still doesn't know who else would find him desirable anyways

Portia

Oh, she gets it. She doesn't necessarily experience this to the level that you do, but she certainly relates on multiple counts

Feeling left behind by a loved one and struggling not to be insecure about it? Check. It's why she's so free to steal Julian's kneecaps

Feeling like she's just the good option people pick until they find their ideal option? Feeling like it's just a matter of time until she gets dropped again, no matter how well-meaning that person is?

Yeah, she gets you. Not to mention that it's a little hard not to compare herself to the incredible people you're friends with who would all clearly love to be the focus of your affections

The fact that you feel this too is such a relief. You two are about to spend so many hours on her couch with tea and baked treats while you talk about your similar experiences and unpack those feelings

And honestly, hearing you voice your doubts gives her space to voice hers. You can be open about how she's clearly the Countess's favorite and she can be open about your past roommate setup

If either of you finds it just a little bit attractive when you get to flaunt your relationship at ambassador events when another partygoer gets a bit too friendly - well - it's a guilty pleasure

Lucio

Look, he knows he's not a shining example of a model citizen, but he wouldn't disrespect the boundaries of someone he loves

At the same time, his assumptions about what those boundaries are aren't exactly monogamous. Will he be in a closed, exclusive relationship with you if those are your boundaries? Absolutely!

Will he need you to explicitly tell him that those are your boundaries? Also yes. Otherwise he might randomly ask how you feel about inviting a new friend to go on a date with you two

He's still working on his emotional intelligence, too, so the chances of him understanding the relational trauma aspect of that are slim

However, he understands the insecurity. You could leave him tomorrow and as heartbroken and betrayed as he'd feel, deep down he wouldn't be able to find it in himself to blame you

The last thing he wants to make you feel is less than or unworthy. You are worth so, so very much and you deserve only the best

Because he's still learning new habits, accountability is something he finds as uncomfortable as he does necessary and while he doesn't need it in this area, he still values it

Still needs reassurances that you don't think he'd actually do that

[dejwrld]

⤷‧₊˚ ʚ₊˚‧ ✿ ꒱ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈𝐈𝐈 / a late night chat between the soon to be married couple.

┊ •° ੈ ⋆° ┊ warning readers discretion is advised — female reader, her/she pronouns, black reader (with descriptors), influencer!reader, profanity, mentions of insecurity, wedding nervousness, mentions of microaggressions/racism, mentions of online harassment, angst, usage of y/n, unedited because i'm posting this so late and i will fix it over the weekend, mdni

╰┈➤ song for this part: your best american girl, mitski, bonus songs: flaws & all by beyonce, all because i liked a boy by sabrina carpenter

masterlist

You felt like you were running on autopilot. Granted, you had a wedding planner and a lovely assistant helping you through one of what’s about to be the most important moments in your life—but you still felt stressed. You tried to blame it on that you were getting married soon and everything wasn’t going as planned. Surely, that was a lie. Everything was perfect down to the gift bags you were going to give to guests. So what was the problem? What was wrong with you? 

You were about to marry the love of your life in two days. That’s what you wanted, right? You dreamt of this day since you said yes to the big question. You imagined your life with him. Kids, if that’s what you guys wanted. Or maybe a pet. Travel to different countries was a must. It’s what you deserved. You deserved to be loved by the person who gave you the world. 

But, a lot of people online didn’t agree. That’s what was wrong. You broke your own social media break and got your feelings hurt. Correction, it felt more than your feelings getting hurt. This felt more painful. Going online seeing masses after masses of comments claiming how you don’t deserve your fiance felt gut wrenching. You’ve received hate before, the usual comments influencers get. 

Go get a real job. 

You don’t even have a real job. 

The usual that you can just delete and go on about your day. 

But these comments weren’t like that and they just kept coming. You didn’t think it was this bad and usually your assistant would clean up your social media for you. But you just been so busy with the wedding and things just got out of control. Your hands shake with each scroll holding back tears of hurt and anger. How can someone say such things about a person they didn’t even know?

Does she really deserve to be with someone like him?

She can’t possibly think he’ll want to marry her.

He was supposed to marry someone like him. 

You sat on your walk-in closet floor flipping through the wedding planning book she practically held onto since he popped the big question over a year ago. Even though you can feel your fairytale ending in the palm of your hand, it felt like it was slipping through your hands like golden sand. Your own insecurities and doubt was clinging you down and the only thing you can do is attempt to calm yourself down by reminding yourself that Ushijima Wakatoshi wouldn’t have gotten on one knee to ask this question. He wouldn’t have watched you compile your dream wedding in this flimsy journal book for nothing. He wouldn’t do that to you, right? 

Maybe you were just overthinking. You’ve received hate messages regarding dating Ushijima but it never got this bad. It was a quick block and then you went on with your life. You locked your phone as soon as you heard footsteps and the calls of your name. Bringing the corners of your sweatshirt up to your eyes to wipe away any form of your crying because you didn’t want Ushijima to see you like this. He never knew about the messages you received because you thought he wouldn’t have understood. 

“Babe?” His voice calls out in the apartment, he was close—usually knew if he didn’t see you lounging in the living room on your fourth Bob’s Burgers rewatch, you were either in the closet hiding away another pair of shoes you’ve brought or in the study working on something. 

“Babe..” His head peaks into the closet seeing you. He parted to brag about how well his final fitting for his suit went, but when he saw how puffy your eyes were—worry decorated his face swiftly. 

“What’s wrong?” He asked as he stepped in at the sound of your sniffling. 

“It’s nothing, I just was going through the planning book and got emotional. Can you believe that we’re getting married. I’m so excited…and emotional.” You let out a weary sigh and glance down at the book in front of you to avoid his eye contact. 

He was good at knowing when you were lying. He once figured out that you planned a surprise birthday party for him in less than three minutes. That’s how well he knew you. So why couldn’t you tell him this simple thing? Why couldn’t you let the love of your life know that many people in the world just didn’t like the thought of you two together?

“You’re lying to me. Come on, let’s get out of here so we can talk.” He extends his hand that you abruptly took because he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. If you don't come, he’ll throw you over his broad shoulders and carry you out. 

“I’ll make you some of that tea you like.” Ushijima suggests. He stops mid walk to the kitchen to turn to you, large hands cupping at your warm cheeks. “You can tell me what’s wrong when you’re ready, but we’re not going to bed until you speak to me. I refuse to let my soon to be wife go to bed upset.” He pecks you on your forehead before strolling into the kitchen to make tea.

You took a seat in one of the stools basking in the silence alongside the noise Ushijima was making while making tea. You were searching in a sea of words on how to explain the situation. As you sat playing with your own thoughts, you could hear Ushijima go on about the final fitting for the wedding. That included all of his groomsmen and his best man. From the way his face lit when he talked about the wedding, it brought a form of warmth upon you. Like a freshly dried blanket was pulled on your body after being in the cold all day. You enjoyed this look on him. 

Relaxed…Calm…Happy…In Love.

The cup of tea was sitting in front of you and you knew that you didn’t even have to add extra things into it because he always made you the perfect cup of tea to your liking. 

“Waka, I’ve been getting some hate comments lately. Well, a lot of them.” You let out a sigh. “I know I can always block them and just go on about my life, but these ones were much different than the others.” You sipped from your mug before watching him take the seat next to you.

His body turns towards you so that he can have your full attention. You didn’t expect him to talk, but he was a good listener. 

“They’re saying I don’t deserve you.” You started. “Or things like how can you be with someone like that? Or you should be like someone like you.” Your bottom lip quivered and you were trying not to cry. “They see that I’m black and deem me unworthy of their prince charming, their favorite volleyball player…I just don’t understand.” 

The warmth of Ushijima’s hands calmed you immediately. The second his hands were on yours, you felt your heart that felt like it was aggressively attempting to claw out your chest calm down. But it didn’t stop tears from dribbling down your cheeks.

“Baby, why didn’t you tell me? How long has this been going on?” The pad of his thumbs wipes away your tears before he’s pulling you off the stool and in between his thighs to embrace you. 

Ushijima wasn’t very much a social media type of person. He hardly even liked during press days for the volleyball team when he had to. He knew he had some quite aggressive fans, especially fans of the opposite gender. If he would have known about the hate she was receiving, he would have put an end to it immediately. His face was hot in embarrassment from his own fans' behavior, but also anger because his wife to be was upset—hurt and practically on the verge of a panic attack. 

“I just didn’t want to put you in an awkward position. They’re your fans. They practically help you get endorsement deals and shit.” You mumbled in his neck before pulling back to look at him, you expected the look he was giving you.

He was on the brink of saying fuck them. That they didn’t sign his checks nor gave him his volleyball abilities. You can sense his harsh words staining his tongue and even you were too afraid to pitch in that maybe it wasn’t worth it to bring it up. For all you know, your assistant were already adding people’s name to block chains. The messages were most likely getting deleted right now as you were having this conversation with him. 

“Fuck, Y/N. I don’t care. You’re about to be my wife in less than forty eight hours. If they can’t accept you for you and for me, then they’re not a fan of mine.” Ushijima said. “Give me your phone. It’s time for you to get some rest.”

“Waka…”

“You have an early and busy schedule tomorrow.” He let you go and picked up your mug of tea to lead you to the bedroom.

“I don’t want to blow the situation out of proportion. It won’t be good press for the wedding and-”

“I don’t care, Y/N. This is a situation to be blown out of proportion..” He walks into the bedroom and you watch as he’s pulling the blanket off the bed and motioning for you to get in. “Get some rest.” 

“Please don’t get on social media causing any drama. ” You mumbled as you practically got tucked into bed like a little kid. 

“You know I’m not that knowledgeable about those things.” He assures you before he pecks your lips, your cheeks, and lastly your forehead. “Sleep well, okay.” 

You went to argue against his words, but instead decided to get some rest. Especially when it flashed through your mind that you had an early appointment with the wedding planner to finalize everything. Pulling the cream colored duvet further on your body, you fell into a brief slumber until you can hear Ushijima’s voice from the master bedroom’s bathroom.

“How’d the hell I put this phone on this tripod? She makes it look so easy when she’s taking her photos.” 

You rubbed the sleep out your eyes and you didn’t want to get out of bed, not wanting to disturb whatever tasks he was doing. Deciding to stay in bed just to listen to his late night rambles because the sound of his brass voice calmed you. You turned your back away from the bathroom, pulling the blanket further on your body. Wanting to stay up so you can cuddle, but the long hours of planning, wedding dress try-ons, and then the online harassment. finally caught up to you. You fell right back to sleep without hearing Ushijima’s words.

“Okay, I figured this out. I think I’m live. Tendou why are you the first person in my live, that’s so creepy. Okay, more people are joining. Now that I have an audience, I want to address something before I get married. The love of my life, the woman I’m about to marry, has been receiving hate. Not just typical hate about her career, but hate about her race from a group of individuals who are supposed to be my fans and supporters. Many of you know I can be a private person, hardly even post on this account. Many of you, get a glimpse of my life because of my fiance. I’m as important in her life as she is in mine that she’s comfortable enough to have me a part of her career journey. It’s extremely disappointing, disrespectful, and frankly ignorant as fuck reading about the things that you guys have said about her and our relationship. We’re getting married in two days and I don’t need any more ignorant people's opinions on my relationship. Go get a life, a hobby, hell—I would even say adopt a pet, but I wouldn’t even want a pet in some of your spaces if you’re spewing nonsense publicly like that. Moving forward, I will be standing alongside Y/N no matter what, and anymore hate messages will get you blocked and reported. Goodnight everyone and Tendou.”

⤷‧₊˚ cuties that wanted to be tagged | @salaciousdoll @honeybleed @threezzyo @diamondoidxx @shyartnerd564

@superslutny @bloodysamaritan @ryukenzz @starlitsawamura @stingsslut

@owoasis @kristvns @chrrypink @hon0vi @miiyahmonae

@peachesncats @jellymantra33 @markleedreams @theinnerthoughtsofalonesomegirl @oneeew

@motherofozzsworld

[cyb3rtarot]

Pick a Pile: Message from Your Spirit Guides

Disclaimer: tarot readings are not replacements for professional advice. Take what confirms, not confuses. You make your own fate. In this reading I’ll be describing the energy of a guide and what messages this guide has, and extra details! Each row of emojis is a pile.

Help a Palestinian family, even $1 helps!! 5 is close!: 1 2 3 4 5

🕊️ 💸 ☁️

🌞 💌 🌊

🎴 ⚜️🏛️

💦 🦊 ⛲️

🌳 🃏 🌌

👸 📿 🏡

𓆸⋆｡°✩.

Pile 1 🕊️💸☁️

[Ace of Wands, Death, bottom of the deck the Hierophant, three of clubs]

Hello pile one! I would describe your guide with the word divinity? I keep trying to find a good word, and words like angel came to mind but I feel the scope of your spirit guide is larger than what one may first think. Like maybe you hear that word and think of the soft smiling guardian angel image, whereas this energy is more like the holy, intense concept. A larger, driving force. The intensity is emphasized, I'm not sure if sometimes you feel “the essence” of this energy and it’s off putting to you? Or this could be how the energy manifests, like receiving help or guidance that comes as very big changes or intense situations that later give way to blessings. It feels fair, in the way a being with an aerial perspective of human life might be fair, if somewhat separate from the human experience. If your belief includes a concept of God, this energy may be related to that. The three of pentacles is on the top of the deck and again there's the three of clubs; there may be the impression of a larger energy because perhaps there’s multiple energies working together as a collective to help you, including deceased loved ones. There’s a lot of people of religious backgrounds in this pile who have/ had faith in concepts like angels/archangels or The Trinity, and those concepts are relevant here, especially if you only pray to God (or Saints?) and don’t engage with the concept of spirit guides too much. The main takeaway is this is a force of energy, possibly multiple combined, that especially helps you with new opportunities and cycles. They love to see you going through new opportunities and generally bring good tidings to your life and energy, helping you transmute and grow. You are like a flower in bloom to them.

Extra guide details: spiritual, church, late night walks, snowflakes, cactus, in bloom, transmutation, trios. The blue sky is significant, especially in relation to ice, winter, and snowflakes (this is emphasized). Shock, electricity. Bright light flashes. Crackling, popping. Intense, holy.

[Domination, It’s Always Teatime sideways, 9 of cups rx, 4 of pentacles, 10 of wands, who in the world are you?, follow the white rabbit, top/bottom of deck: knight of pentacles rx/ the Chariot]

Everyone always wants a piece of the pie, in detriment, "let go" (“I can’t let go”)

Your guide has a message about forgiveness; there’s past pain or disappointment keeping you very stuck in an unpleasant energy. The 4 of pentacles flipped over while the song I was listening to went “let go, let go.” There’s a sense of someone having wronged you, or possibly a cycle of wrongs between you and another. It’s the energy of someone taking advantage as if you were weaker than them, someone messing with you just because they can. Whether this was once or continuous, it has stewed in your mind, and so energetically you’re stuck in this moment of being wronged. You may unintentionally create feelings of self blame or shame with your hurt. You may ruminate over what made you upset, and your brain may cope with the intense emotion by directing anger towards yourself, but you may not consciously notice, so it continues to stew and get more enmeshed in whatever else you're holding on to. Or, your emotions could be intense on a physical level, and so the constant anger is like poison to your body. Your gut in particular could suffer or you could have issues with adrenaline. What comes to mind is the 8 of swords rx. When you work on releasing this embedded pain, you’ll be able to fly away from this cage. You’ll be able to release some of these wands that the 10 of wands figure is burdened by. 

There’s another message about finances. Some of you give far too much to family or others, to where you might not be able to pay your bills or live adequately. And for many, your family is not as grateful as they could be. Your message is telling you to hold on to more of your money to release yourself from some of this unhappiness. Really sitting down and committing to healing, however that looks for you, may also help finances. Some of you may be in a not-so-good job that’s affecting you mentally, but you’re too drained to look for something better. Healing will rejuvenate some energy & enthusiasm to improve your situation. Therapy and meditation come to mind. You’ve been stuck in this pain long enough that you might’ve forgotten some parts of yourself, which is where meditation may be helpful for rediscovery. As you heal, opportunities can increase “exponentially,” I feel. It’s like you just need to detach from this energy enough and then I’m seeing you follow a thread that’ll take you all over the place to all kinds of opportunities. I see a turtle coming out of hibernation, slow with all the earth that’s caked up on it for the last few months coming off. That’s you coming out of this, and this guide is here to help you heal and transmute the hurt. This guide especially helps with your root, sacral, solar, and heart energies, with the heart being the most concern right now. Despite the darkness, I see and feel the excitement and curiosity that will be in your energy as you work through some of these attachments (attachments from pain, trauma, rumination, exploitation, physical trauma too I hear). This guide has so much love for you! And there’s pride as well. Good job and good luck pile one, you can do it!

Extra Details: trees blooming outside apartment, Christianity, works in shipping/ fulfillment, PS2/ old video games with chunky graphics (esp with ninja or samurai characters), Final Fantasy (especially XVI, or XIV?), 3, 303, 333, angels, sitting in a dark room (especially with the light on in the hallway. If you do this to brood maybe you could turn this into meditation), lights/electricity/water cutting off (there’s a theme of being in the dark while upset, you might need better lighting in your home!), collective/ co-op/ compound, feeling like you’re in the wrong environment (literally the climate where you live may not be compatible with you but could also refer to a social environment like work. Astrocartography may help), pie, boxes, purple thread/yarn, string of fate, purple yam, pouting when you cry or when angry. Mars in Libra, Taurus, Sagittarius, or knowing someone with this placement. If you have Mars in Libra or Taurus, that may be where the struggle in asserting boundaries is coming from, there’s a need to be more protective of yourself and body or health). Scorpio energy is significant, may be in profection year of your house in Scorpio, or it maybe a prominent sign in the Solar Return (or an SR in the last 3 years). Eye of Providence. Bright colored eyes. Angel- NewDad, Let Go- NewDad, Becky- Be Your Own Pet, Washing Machine Heart- Mitski, Cane Shuga- Glass Animals

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Pile 2 🌞💌🌊

[Seven of Swords rx, Death, top/bottom of deck: princess of swords rx/ princess of pentacles rx, Protection]

Hi pile two! Your guide is very eager to come through with your message; I was picking up your energy way before I started your reading. For everyone this relationship is different, but the energy seems to be a loved one who passed at infancy or before childbirth. For some, there may have been a twin absorbed in the womb or something similar? Otherwise this is just a relationship you have to an infant, including from your family or close circle, even cousins. This could also be up to toddler age as for some maybe you had a friend in infancy this applies to. This guide has a very young, playful, loving, and fun-loving energy, and “kind” I hear. They like to flit or hang around your energy lol, if you’re sensitive you may notice them around as it’s like a child having fun around you. If you have a deceased pet (especially a medium or big dog with white & brown fur?) they may like to come around with the pet and this amplifies the energy. I’m not getting much about what specifically this guide helps with, but I think them being in your energy helps lighten it, or they may just like to be with you because they love you. For some of you if you had sudden lightbulb moments where you saw through or realized the truth about something, this guide sometimes helps you have those moments, they help you realize things for what they are, both in life and your relationships.

Specific Message for Some [!!TW!! Abortion, Miscarriage]: Some of you had an abortion, miscarriage, loss of a child, I also feel this applies to some of you that absorbed a twin in the womb—you’re not being kind to yourself, like you have a bitterness towards yourself after this event. This guide just wants you to know there’s no shame, hate, bitterness, anything like that from their end. They have lots of love and support for you, and you don’t need to carry a burden over what fate led to, or what has already come to pass. Especially if some of you blame yourself because of a physical activity you did before it happened? They want you to release these emotions and heal how you can. Also, some are not grieving this in particular but you started having a hard time for other reasons after this event, and it’s been depressing you. They are wanting you to face these factors “head-on” so you can heal and recuperate, especially if you need to physically recover from something but you’re having a hard time with other things going on.

Extra guide details: feeling warm, loss/death, fate, angels, small angel figurine, cherubim, Cupid, hearts, Valentine’s Day or similar imagery, church, natural disaster (especially hurricanes, tsunamis, earthquakes; these may be symbolic), excitement, childlike wonder and innocence, purity, twins, Gemini energy, Aries energy, toy blocks, popping/ patting/ banging/ thumping noises (especially a cover, grate, or vent? I see this guide running down your hall banging the wall and giggling), smelling something clean or good, soft hair, ribbons, stuffed animal (bunny)

[Becoming Braver rx, Such a Curious Dream rx, Seduction, Fehu, Nine of Cups, The Empress rx, Paths, Stork, Dog]

Your message is about letting yourself be vulnerable. You may force yourselves to be strong and it’s hard to undo the persona. To the point where defenses are indiscriminate; you may have times where you avoid good things to protect yourself but let toxicity into your life because you were blinded by something. Your guide is wanting you to relax when new opportunities come and learn when to lower walls. There’s a huge message about travel, you may have the opportunity to travel soon (especially with a friend or love interest), or maybe you’ve been avoiding a needed getaway, especially because of transportation? This is a good opportunity to let loose and clear your energy, and if you do have some issue with transportation, your guide wants you to resolve it if you’ve been avoiding it on purpose. This guide values freedom, and you being limited in yours by solvable issues frustrates them. You’re also limited by your disbelief that good things can happen to you when there’s already opportunities to experience good things, and they want you to challenge that perspective. This guide is all about taking things head on like a little warrior lol, Aries energy.

If you do have a new relationship (including platonic) or love interest, there’s a message about lightening up and letting yourself enjoy the fun parts of the beginning stages. That’s a theme across your whole message, to enjoy new beginnings, and not be afraid of nurturing or forging healthy relationships. This may help you get out the stagnant energy following you, especially if it’s coming from other people. Discernment is required when putting your walls up, otherwise your defenses are stretched thin and padded too much in the wrong areas. It’s like your defenses became a way to deny yourself happiness, the right to be vulnerable & soft. Your guide wants you to address this, to engage in the passionate parts of life, to break this cycle and start a new, better one. Again, in particular, they are encouraging fun in your social life & traveling. Also, if you have a choice of putting energy into unfulfilling relationships or mending better ones, take steps to mend real friendships.

Extra Details: moths, butterflies, & “bugs in your lawn” are significant—especially tiny moths or red butterflies, also crickets? A playdate or playroom like you might see in a preschool, nursery, or the corner of an office. 404/44/444, the Sun (I see a Sun painted in a spiral), also the Sun in tarot/ oracle, stiffness, left eye/ jaw/ face pain? Melanie Martinez, bright blonde hair or bright-colored eyes, smelling a baby or holding one up to your face (a memory?), crystals, crystal angel figurine, congenital or genetic, video games, watching old media or memories, VHS, needing more nutritious food especially if you crave ice or non-edible things, paying attention to your body on a day to day basis, allowing yourself to be more creative—esp with your self-expression like clothes or makeup, letting yourself be excited out loud. Building your faith or ability to believe again, especially believing things can be ok. New chemistry or passion with someone, challenging a lack mindset, luck, predestiny, leaves on the vine

If you already felt drawn to pile one it may resonate, this guide may be related to the energy described, or they could be referencing another guide you have

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Pile 3 🎴⚜️🏛️

[7 of clubs, 4 of diamonds, 10 of diamonds, top of deck: Queen of Hearts]

Hello pile three! For many of you this is a past life connection, or an ancestor (especially maternal). Or both, most guides in this pile lived a while ago, some more like in the 1800s, but for some it’s back to the 1400s, and for some even farther. There’s some kind of familiarity, responsibility, or bond—like fate, or the family tree and such things that have far-reaching effects. I picked up a mysterious vibe and not as much about them specifically. The energy reminds me of Morticia Adams a bit lol but there’s masculine energy here too for some. The masculine energy feels a bit more aloof/stern or self-assured, an Aries-like confidence, whereas the feminine energy is a little more playful or like a black cat in comparison (so take that as it fits if you’re familiar with either energies). Actually, before I finished writing this section, I noticed the King of Hearts is under the Queen of Hearts, so both a feminine & masculine guide with past lives/ancestry ties, or a relation to each other—they could be a pair, could be in your energy. This guide (or guides) likes to be around you sometimes when you’re doing things you like, especially your nerdy or geeky interests. If you have a garden, or take walks in nature or near flowers, they also like to use these flowers as signs, or be with you in those moments. They support you when you’re doing those things you like, especially what you do for money or hobbies, as many have family that don’t support you or are pressuring you down a specific path, especially medical or something lucrative. They are around to encourage you and instill confidence in your own decisions; they are on your side. This guide helps you with general success, stability, and good luck, particularly in the material world. They do things on their end to ensure success in your endeavors, to show you things will be okay and you’re taken care of when you put effort in. They are big on success, confidence, financial increase or independence. If there’s something about a document, form, ticket, certificate, or similar that’s significant right now, I’m not sure why but your guide is bringing attention to it, and it seems like things will turn out well with these diamond cards. This could also be something magical in paper form, like a charm or spell you did.

There are more spiritual people in this pile who practice tarot, magic, manifestation, etc. This guide especially helps the energies from these along on their end and helps bring success to your practice, this is really emphasized; the word “magic” is emphasized as well. This is particularly true if you do spells or manifestations using paper or physical methods. This guide cares about you and wants to see you succeed in your efforts!

Extra Guide Details: red roses (especially seeing one bloom or in full bloom), romantic songs (slow or sad ones), camcorder/ old camera, grainy photos or videos, VHS, long black clothing, long &/or wavy dark hair, magnetic, alluring, mysterious, black, red, dark red, dark purple, fleur de lis, wallpaper, “darker” styles, crows, large and/or weeping trees. Kintsugi (may be significant to your healing which this guide may help or bring attention to. The episode of Bojack “Good Damage” is significant for someone because that came out super specifically), boost/surge of confidence, patience in your readings or other efforts, gusts of wind or other signs in nature, windfalls of good luck or abundant finances, magic, maternal, ancestry, old, pale

[Vision, Discrimination, Restlessness, 8 of diamonds, 2 of hearts, 6 of clubs, 9 of spades, 8 of spades]

I see a Fleur de Lis again in the symbols on your cards, so that could really be significant! Off the top what I get is you have a growing idea, especially a vision for your life or something you want to do. This is mostly a plan or not even that, a dream. Your head may be up in the clouds; your guides are wanting you to ground. There’s a growing agitation in you as this dream or desire for something different fills your mind, and being ungrounded is exacerbating this. These guides are all about putting action in, so they want you to more closely guard your mind against that which detaches you from reality or the present too much. If you are spiritual they especially want you to use discernment in your practice at this time and don’t indulge in spiritual things that unsettle your mind or make you confused too much. You’re needing a practical and detail-oriented energy like Virgo so you can organize this beautiful dream!

Many of you are in the midst of a long-coming choice, especially about work or education. For example, reaching the end stage of studies/ training and deciding on the next path. One choice you feel negatively about or you’re being pushed into. Another choice you like but are pressured against doing, or also feel negatively about because of some fear, like financial stability. This could represent a current job or major if you’re wanting to leave. Serious reflection is needed! This thing you hate may be a major investment. You may feel like picking this because it seems stable, but you may not be considering burn out (which is tough on your body) or emotional pain if you force yourself. It’s not a better financial choice if you’re not able to see through your investment. With the thing you like, you have talent or interest, but maybe because it doesn’t seem stable or you’re not sure how it would work, you haven’t put in a lot of practical planning. This could also refer to wanting to make moves with a partner. This is exacerbating those restless feelings, as you get more pressured and don’t have a plan for the choice you like. Your guides need you to put that discernment and practicality into this decision process. Really think about what you’re willing to do, capable of doing, and what first steps will look like. Be realistic—not pessimistic about finances so you have a real idea of the effort needed to create success. Especially be realistic about emotions; don’t get clouded by fantasies, examine patterns and choices. Your guides are here to help you with success, but they can only do their part on their end. Factor in things like burn out and any negativity you have surrounding these choices, reflect, weigh pros & cons, because that ultimately will impact the effects of this decision months down the line. Be mindful of your environment exacerbating fear and confusion as those things detach you from reality, especially your family & work environment. Consider if you will like the environment you’re going to, as picking a place you don’t feel comfortable in will take a toll. This also applies if your current work environment is really stressing you out. This is the other side of the financial aspect to consider, if you will be able to reap any benefits in an environment that's discouraging, or if you can find a healthy way to approach that at all. Overall, channel restless energy into practical thinking! Merge your inner child & dreamer with the mature self. Ask your guides for help creating success in whatever you do!

Extra Details: reading cards/cartomancy—some of you scrap readings abruptly when you struggle (or other hobbies). This guide helps with this sometimes, especially if words or thoughts come to mind until you get the right one, as if your guide reads with you. This guide is particular (Virgo energy, you or them), and doesn’t want you to quit too easily. If you read cards (esp if you only read tarot) your guide may encourage you to expand such as trying a new form of card reading (again this may fit another hobby). Diane, Mr Peanut Butter, or Penny from Bojack, E. Asia, Japan, coastal area or island (can also be family history, an interest), Greece, things that creep out or sadden others but are significant or interesting to you, Peppermint- Jack Stauber. “Find a penny, pick it up, all day long you’ll have good luck!” Cloves, picking somewhere to move, esp to a city/ university/ near the ocean, inner child, fruit, childhood home/town, playing house as a kid, writing/songwriting, singing (“he never said I couldnt sIiiiIng”), singing as a child in a group or specific place, passed down songs, sketching fruit, interests from childhood, cartoons, codename: KND, Chowder (show), eye dr, surgeon, exam, paying for certification

For clair-people: if you ever feel a guide going NOO >:( especially if it feels disproportionate to the situation or while you’re doing your spiritual practice— I think that’s the masculine guide I described lol. They may be a bit jarring to your energy but they don’t mean you poorly, they just have something like a dry sense of humor and don’t adjust their tone lol but you can always set boundaries if you want

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Pile 4 💦🦊⛲️

[I Wonder What Will Happen Next, princess of swords, six of swords]

Hello pile #4! For many of you this guide seems to be a past life connection and/or relative. There’s a child-like joy, so you could’ve known this guide in your youth in a past life (or this one?), and/or they could have died young. Or, they are just connected to this side of themselves, as there’s also wisdom + older energies mixed in there for some. 

This guide has a major affinity to water, in their lifetime(s) the coast or water in general was significant to them. They like and encourage you to spend time with water. At first I saw a beach with no one else around (this could be their past life or your current one), but then I got something about you going to a water park, so even though this guide prefers peace & quiet, they love water and you having fun or embracing your inner child more lol. This guide is related to the home, as well as quiet outings in nature—especially in the Summer. They are very related to your recuperation in these spaces; they’re big on the effect your surroundings create on the mind. They enjoy when you do comfy or rejuvenating activities in the home, like baking cookies because they keep excitedly showing me these fresh hot cookies lol. Their focus is on you using these times well to have the “wherewithal” to go forward in the world, especially if your life has been more about rest or “focus” recently? They want you to take resting or relaxing seriously as your foundation. They also encourage you to recuperate your thoughts + organize your mind during these times, so that you’re clear-headed going forward and know what is true. Your guide came in with the word “quiet” which I see but it’s funny because when this energy wants to say something I feel they say it really loud and pointedly lol. Like they ARE quiet or you may notice a stillness when they’re around? But, when they’re excited they energetically shout like a happy child. Another thing about the guides in this pile is many seem to have lived possibly a few hundred or more years ago, because they use somewhat archaic or very specific language. They have an affinity or relation to older architecture and a time when there was less human impact everywhere. You may notice a pull towards things related to them or that they like, especially water and coastal areas, older architecture, older media (even songs from a few decades ago), calm environments, or a pull to take walks in nature (especially the woods). For many, either you or this guide has a significant relation to Britain. 

Extra Guide Details: quiet, the ocean—especially a beach with little to no human activity, relaxing at home, egrets/herons or other waterfowl, cookies (very significant), homely (cozy), rushing water, sailing or travel over water, trust/truth, alone in nature, past life connections, water park, nostalgia/ older media, church or a place of spiritual beauty (the emphasis is on the physical building and how it affects one’s mind rather than religion itself, though if you are religious they encourage you in your faith), baptisms or initiations (extra significant; this period of your life may be an initiation into the next especially in spirituality. 

[Find the Lesson, Extremism, Resistance, 9 of pentacles, the High Priestess, Eihwaz]

This guide wants you to incorporate a lesson into your life you’ve been resisting. There’s something you or someone with a strong relation to you is struggling to accept, and it’s getting to the point where your/their behavior or mentality is getting more unstable as this is resisted. This could be something like refusing to accept a love situation is over or didn’t have a chance, and instead getting more aggressive or obsessive about love. It seems strong emotion is involved, but it doesn’t have to be love, just any situation that’s tough to swallow or has resulted in “acting out.” Take a higher perspective, and take time to appreciate the learning aspect of this experience, as there’s a lot of growth it could provide. Introspection, deep reflection, prayer, or spiritual practice with the intent of clarity & understanding are encouraged. If this is someone close, your guides still want you to learn something, such as boundaries or paying more attention to who’s unstable towards you + protecting your energy. There’s a point about raising stability & independence, and communicating what needs to be said without going overboard or blowing up. You seem to already know this with the high priestess. You’re aware of this needing your attention or “cooperation." Or, you’re aware of a lesson on some level, but your guides want you to act accordingly and not just look the other way lol. 

Once you “maintain” or integrate this lesson, it’ll be easier to move into a financial blessing or material success, especially if you’re planning something but feel overwhelmed or lack the resources. I’m not sure why the word maintain came to mind, maybe this is a continuous lesson but you backpedal, such as setting boundaries but making concessions on them. If so, your guide wants you to maintain the lesson learned. Maybe that’s also why the word cooperation came to mind; your guides want you to cooperate with them on moving forward. Also, if one of the things you’re “yearning” for is increased spiritual awareness or ability, then this guide is saying that resolving this situation and accepting it is what’ll bring you closer to your spirituality. Especially if you’ve been going overboard with spiritual things to the point where it’s affecting your mental health. Overall, your guides stress balance, discipline, and willpower.

Extra Details: a very large building with older architecture and a central courtyard between the buildings, like a university or a very old church? Needing to communicate something (like an important conversation you’re preparing for or putting off) (this guide is helping with this). A recent breakup/rejection or putting off a breakup (don’t force this to fit, whoever this applies to already knows. Could also be a platonic breakup or familial separation). Edinburgh. Yoga. Ancestors (again for some of you this could be a relative). “Cosmic phenomenon” (the sky, seeing something in the sky, or things happening in the night sky? As well as the movement of things through space such as astrology/astronomy). Animals, particularly those that accompany you when in nature; they could be related to your guide. Especially a red fox in the woods? Sail Away- The Long Faces. The guides in this pile were very lovely energy to interact with n_n. Also if you read any cards, when this guide is around you may notice an urge to read without reversals. Pile 6 may be significant if you were already drawn to it.

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Pile 5 🌳🃏🌌

[2 of cups rx, 3 of wands, 10 of swords, King of Swords, 3 of wands rx, the hierophant, bottom of a different deck is also the hierophant]

Hello pile 5! Your guide didn't come through with much about themselves except that it’s a feminine energy. They’re focused on you/ don’t need to describe themselves specifically at this time. Instead, your cards tell your guide’s relationship to you. This guide is like a personal teacher or shows you how to cut through lessons. This guide’s presence and influence is most felt or seen in emotional lessons, as their energy provides much needed balance. When you’re going through an emotional situation— especially from a “failing?” or ending relationship—this guide helps incorporate logic & mental fortitude into your thoughts. It’s interesting that there’s the three of wands twice from different decks, causing the figures in the cards to mirror each other. While you are trying to heal emotionally and facing the future, this guide is also doing work on the other side, looking into and guiding you in the future. Imagine walking down a path in the forest, and there’s someone extremely tall with you who can see far ahead on the path, see the obstacles that need to be cleared, as well as which paths are least treacherous, it’s like that. In this second three of wands, a female figure towers over a town, holding a little ship and looking out into the sea; that represents how your guide looks out for you. Your guide has much to teach you, they bring wisdom and help you find the lesson in endings and trials you go through. They’re like a school teacher with a much more personal sense of responsibility, guidance, and protection over you. The energy reminds me of an ancestor, though that’s just for some, but the sense of responsibility is similar at least. It could even be a passed on parent/guardian, grandma, great grandma etc. If a situation is not helping you grow, if something holds you back or blinds you, this guide may “cut to the chase” and intervene. The hierophant also came out twice. This guide is very “I said what I said,” like when someone is authentic nothing they do needs further explanation, it is what it is. Similar to how an adult may do something for our own good growing up, and we don’t understand their perspective until later. They may work with a higher energy or group to guide you. If you have faith or worship-based practices, that may be significant to this guide or the energy they use to help you. 

Extra Guide Details: the energy didn’t bring forward many details, and ones that did come out are ultra specific. This guide is very wise and a little on the serious or quiet side, but kind with vast knowledge. Maybe even having ancient knowledge, for some. If you work with herbs for your spirituality, especially for spiritual insight or travel, that’s significant to this guide and they may be especially present then—though they help bring you some of that insight even if you don’t do that. Your guide gives off a primordial, vast, ancient, or powerful feeling; not necessarily that old but their breadth of wisdom makes them feel that way. “Big bang” & “solar flare” came out so those may be significant, though I feel they also symbolically describe the energy of your guide. They have had many experiences or lessons, and are now able to impart what they know on you. They have gone through similar things to what you have if not the same in their time, so that’s part of why they’re able to help. If this guide is not an ancestor, and it’s not for some, then they may work or interact with yours.

[4 of diamonds, 7 of spades, 6 of hearts, 8 of hearts, ace of spades, Jack of hearts, A Moment’s Regret]

Your guide has a past, present, future message. In the past, this pile was enjoying relative stability. There were feelings you felt very secure in, literally somehow your material security may have been significant. Examples are (but not only) a friend group or going out with friends a lot, a serious relationship including engagements/ marriage, a relationship with shared finances, relative stability and contentment with those around you or in the family, positive financial investing/planning. Something happened that pulled the rug out from under your feet. A loss or sudden perspective shift of what you had emotionally, and this could have suddenly impacted your finances or sense of security. For some of you, there could have been some kind of legal proceedings or official documents you had to go through because of this situation, which added difficulty to an already shocking time. You had something fulfilling or at least something normal and then some kind of grief took over, a huge ending that feels sudden. Some of you felt something was off but didn’t engage with that feeling as things seemed okay. Your guide’s message of the future, which I think is very fitting considering I talked of them looking out onto your path, is that it all depends on your choice. In your future I see opportunities for emotional healing or intimacy, but the growth you take from this situation depends on you. This is especially true if this has to do with other people like an ex; what your emotions look like going forward will depend on if you’re willing to invest in something new and truly stable (yourself) as opposed to things that only seem nice but cannot hold against the test of time. Regardless, your future may have some healing connections in it with friends, family, or others; there may be opportunities to grow something real if you’re willing to rebuild that vulnerability and inner stability. If you commit to your own emotions and apply wisdom even when you’re going through this dark change, the light at the end of the tunnel is very bright and will give way to better things “no matter what,” but life is still what you make of it. 

As the final advice, “a moment’s regret” reiterates what I said. In the future, you may be faced with the “test” of the lesson. There may be a situation to see what you have learned and if you’re sticking to your guns emotionally, to see if you are committed to bettering yourself. Your guide says don’t “fiddle around” (lol), thinking that you’ve done the wrong thing, trying to think about if things were different, if you could go back, if you gave something bad another try, if if if. Stay present and look at the facts. If you’re committed to yourself and not sacrificing yourself for others, or sacrificing your wellbeing for a moment’s pleasure, then you can guide yourself to a better situation always. This is especially for you if you have a situation with an ex or an emotional vice/crutch. Good luck & good job pile 5, you can do it!

Extra Details: mugwort, astral or spiritual travel/flight, great grandmothers or grandmothers, ancestral line, grieving a loss, 111, divorce, thinking of someone’s health, social drinking or overdoing it (and healing from this). If you read cards your guide really emphasized “shuffle better” 😭 if you don’t already shuffle a lot lol. Gambling, recovering from an addiction or vice (I hear “social addiction”)? Long term relationship suddenly ended. Don’t look at the past with rose-tinted glasses. E/ SE Asia; [not only] Vietnam, Japan, China (especially if there’s ancestry or a family member served there). If none of this reading resonated or makes you worried because this is not you right now then this is not the right pile for you and another pile is more appropriate, especially if you felt drawn to 3. If you did resonate with this, and you already felt drawn to pile 1 or 6, that may be significant. If you work with your guides directly I feel this guide may be one that says what they have to say and then leaves like they have things to do, and while you may feel them around a lot they don’t necessarily “linger” or stay outside of a specific moment.

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Pile 6 👸📿🏡

[the Empress, two of cups, Status]

Hello pile 6! Your guide has very strong feminine energy and is likely a close relative in your family tree, even one you knew in your lifetime. This could mainly be a mother or grandmother as there’s a very strong maternal bond or feeling. It could also be other close feminine loved ones like a sister (especially twin sister), wife, aunt, cousin, even a really close best friend. It’s possible for them to be farther along in your lineage but for most this guide has a direct relationship to you. The work they put into their lifetime may have had a direct effect on yours, like your family’s current financial status, house, or belongings may be tied to this individual, others who live in your home, or others you have a close relationship to. There’s a close connection and need to guide you, like it's a continuation of their life or natural for them. If you knew each other while they were alive, you possibly had an intertwined but complicated relationship, things left unresolved. If this resonates to someone specific in your life or family, and that person’s partner also passed (a passed mother + father, grandmother grandfather etc), they collaborate with them to help you. They also guide the people around you in a way that helps, especially family. This guide is either important spiritually or important to YOU spiritually which would make sense if this is a loved one; I feel this is one of your main guides or the guidance they give you carries a lot of spiritual weight (guiding you may be important for them in their journey also). I got a very specific message for someone that if you have a connection to a female deity/ entity (especially if you have a maternal view of them or view them as more of a mother than your own?) and you became a part of her following, this could represent her. For very few of you this could even represent a living relative whom you have a very close connection to; they may somehow help you on an astral or some other level, especially if they pray a lot. If this pile doesn’t resonate even a little, another pile is a better option! 

Extra Guide Details: praying & chanting out loud or reciting mantras especially in a temple, prayer beads, kneeling or bowing during prayer or ceremony, video games (literal games or the song), cactus (you may have had a prickly relationship with this guide, or this could be otherwise significant or symbolic), family (if you are not related to this guide I feel you still know their family), uncles are significant. Spiritual protector. Mirroring. Spiritual Elder or mentor, "spiritual ancestor" (someone who is not necessarily blood related but somehow elder to you in your belief, or an ancestor who was very spiritual/religious). Folk or indigenous practices

[King of Diamonds, 9 of diamonds, 9 of spades, 7 of diamonds, Jack of hearts, ace of hearts, ace of spades, King of clubs]

Your guide is bringing attention to some upheaval in your life. Something is in the process of changing or has already changed in your family or home. Some of you may have experienced a loss (especially a younger person in the family), and/or there may have been a transformation of finances. Examples include receiving money suddenly but having to spend it, a change in career, inheritance, etc. This could also apply to someone close to you or in your home, especially if you did recently have a loss then I think you’ll be observing the effects of this on someone, especially a male relative. There could be a family gathering related to this. This change of people or finances could have seemed coincidental or the timing could have been very specific but I’m not sure how; someone could have felt it coming. The cards show that though tumultuous, change has its allotted time in our life. 

Fate is a culmination of time, but also our own efforts. This change brings beginnings to you or your loved one’s lives, and a chance to transform both pain and good things. If there is anything you feel passionate about at this time or would like to invest into, now is a very good time to think of or work towards that. Especially if you are grieving something, using that grief to propel you to new phases will help you grow. Other people around you (including bosses) or your family could be helpful at this time, or you to them. We can’t always choose endings, but we can often choose beginnings. Allow yourself to be transformed by that which happens to you, and in turn, see the changes in the transformations you create.

Extra Details: living in a city/fast-paced life (current or dreaming of it), somewhere that feels like a fairytale, travel over water or a home near water, castles, emotionally or financially investing, taking a leap of faith or risk. Spiritual hygiene, protection, and grounding are important if you feel vulnerable right now—your mental state influences your spiritual perception. If you feel overwhelmed feel free to take a break from spiritual practice or routines. Cleansing the home may help a lot. Your guide helps protect you but wants you to keep yourself grounded as well. New jobs or developments in jobs like a bonus or check. Financial decisions related to events out of one’s control. Fluctuations in finances. Cooking/ cooking with family. Happenstance, coincidental, or seemingly fated events. New beginnings (including meeting someone interesting or helpful) that may bring financial or emotional blessings but there’s a need to keep a level head and be reflective. Going where you’re appreciated, physical changes in the home. New business idea or passion. Divination practices (this may be one thing to take a break from if you feel overwhelmed). Reaping what was sown, harvest time. Something about being bullied or for some of you maybe your guide was bullied in life? If that resonates I especially feel this is a time for you to reap blessings but also to seek them. Making the most of something, blessings whose effect depends on your effort & perspective. Emotionally protecting oneself, using logic about things which emotionally rile you (like love interests or sudden whims). You guys are most likely to have another significant pile if you felt called to another one.

Thank you for reading!—Tip Link  |  Paid Reading Info in Pinned (in-depth spirit guide readings available!)

𓆸⋆｡°✩.

[witchygagirlwrites]

Fallen

Kelly Severide x Reader

"I can walk" "You've proven you can fall too."- in which Kelly doesn't hate you like you think he does @desimarie12

Since the first day you walked into firehouse fifty one as a new hire paramedic the ongoing feud between you and Kelly started. You tried to be understanding at first, you were replacing someone they lost, someone who according to Gabby had meant a lot to Kelly. Your understanding only went so far. After the first month passed and the best you ever got out of the squad lieutenant was a grunt if you happened to say excuse me if you were trying to get to the coffee pot? You wouldn’t actively try to kill him but you may render aid to a stray dog over him if they were both hurt at the same time.

The most infuriating thing of it all? Kelly was the most good looking guy you’d ever laid your eyes on. Easy smile and blue eyes that would stop any woman dead in her tracks and watching him be so at ease with every other member of the station house just made you feel like you would always be an outsider. 

You were helping Gabby to restock the rig and she asked you to grab some supplies from a closet inside that was just past Boden’s office. You knew where everything was by now, you’d been at fifty one for over six months. Everyone had welcomed you in and you felt like part of the family by then, well most everyone.

You hopped out of the back of the ambulance and headed inside, shooting Matt a smile when he held the door open for you when he was on the way out. “Thanks Casey” he nodded “Of course” 

You headed for the closet and walked in, quickly finding what Gabby needed and turned to head out but not before running smack into a bare chest which nearly caused you to drop everything in your hands. You felt hands on your waist, steadying you and was about to thank the owner of them when you looked up to see they belonged to Kelly “Christ have mercy” you groaned and he grinned “What’s wrong sweetheart? Can’t even keep your balance walking through the hallway? How do you take care of patients?”

You shook your head, trying to ignore the urge to let your eyes roam across his chest. Why the hell was he shirtless when it was January anyways? “You do talk a lot for a man whose life would depend on me if you got hurt”  he took a step closer and you could feel the heat coming off of him and smell his body wash still fresh from the shower “Are you saying you wouldn’t save me?”

He was close enough you had no choice but to crane your neck to be able to continue looking him in the eye and not be staring directly at his chest “I’m saying I’d do it but I wouldn’t be happy about it. You’ve been a pain in my ass since I got here. I know you don’t want me here. You haven’t hidden that fact but do not act like I’m incapable. You and I both know that isn’t true”

You stepped around him and headed back outside to the bays but stopped and looked over your shoulder “And put on a damn shirt, it’s thirty degrees outside and you’re walking around looking like you’re a stripper instead of a fireman” he grinned slightly “Are you calling me hot?” you shook your head “Of course that is the only thing that would stick in that thick brain of yours”

_____________________

When you got back outside it must have been written in your expression something was wrong because Gabby raised an eyebrow “Did Kelly start again?” you shrugged “It doesn’t matter” she sighed “I’m telling Matt. This is getting insane. It’s been over six months!” you shook your head “No! It’ll just get worse if it looks like I got you to tell on him. I don’t know what I did to make him hate me so much besides replacing Shay on the rig and it’s not like I tried to defile her memory or anything. The position was open, you needed a partner!”

She reached a hand out to rub your knee. “I don’t think he hates you, he just…” she laughed “Kelly’s an ass at times sweetie” “Oh really? I never would’ve known!” you laughed and she grinned “Just keep throwing it back at him. It keep him on his toes and it’s fun to watch for the rest of us when you catch him off guard” you winked at her “Oh I will, believe me”

A call blared out for a three car wreck requesting fire, rescue squad and the ambulance. You cut your eyes up at her and smirked “Oh yay” before you both hopped out of the back of the rig and ran to the front, hopping in amongst the chaos of everyone running to the trucks.

You cursed when you slid on the ice again and heard Capp giggle right before he fell flat on his face. “See?” you laughed, walking past him. Luckily it seemed most of the injuries sustained had been superficial but considering the thin layer of ice that had settled in different areas on top of the snow just clearing the scene was proving to be tricky.

You felt yourself slide and tried in vain to keep your footing. One foot went one way and one went the other and you ended up skidding down the small embankment and landing right at the feet of none other than the rescue squad’s lieutenant, you would have rathered the fall had killed you.

He looked down at you and a small smile slipped onto his face “Falling for me sweetheart?” you glared at him from your position on the ground “If I could get up without falling I’d kick your ass Severide” he laughed and leaned down, slipping one arm under your legs and the other under your neck, holding you against his chest before calling to Cruz “I’m taking our little spitfire paramedic back up so Gabby can make sure she didn’t hurt herself” you glanced down and realized he had different boots than you, of course he did.

“I can walk Kelly” you argued and he nodded “I know this, you’ve proven you can fall too. So for once don’t argue with me and just let me get you back up” you really didn’t want to fall again so you sighed then nodded. He tucked you against his chest and grabbed the rope to walk up the embankment while holding it.

_______________

Once he was on solid ground you expected him to put you down but no, he carried you all the way to the triage tent Gabby had on a cleared patch. “Dawson, your partner took a spill. Make sure she’s ok. She hasn’t tried to kill me in the last five minutes” 

He sat you down on the stretcher and winked at you “Be careful” you shook your head “Why? Because you want the pleasure of killing me?” his eyes trailed from your face down your body and considering you were currently covered in snow you felt yourself warm from embarrassment “Kill you? No. I could think of a few other things I’d rather do” 

He turned to walk away while your mouth was still dropped open from shock. Gabby looked from his retreating back to your face before she cracked up laughing “That explains so damn much!”

Once the scene was clear and everyone was back at the house you set out to find Kelly, hopefully alone. You ended up finding him on the roof with Matt’s help. He turned around when you stepped out of the door and smiled “I see you’re walking all on your own, I’m proud”

You shook your head “What the hell was that at the triage tent?” “What?” he asked and you waved your hands around “I could think of a few other things I’d rather do” 

He shrugged and let his eyes rake over you again and you were grateful you’d had the presence of mind to change before seeking him out “I wouldn’t wanna kill you over other things” you shook your head again “You’ve gotta be freaking kidding me! You’ve been an unbearable ass to me sinceI got here and now, what? You want to sleep with me?”

He took a step closer to you and you shivered feeling the heat coming off of him “When you first got here, yeah I was an ass because Shay was still a very sore spot. Then the longer you were here the only time I could get your attention was when you were pissed at me or else you ignored me all together so I took what I could get. If I could change how I acted when you got here, I would but I can’t” you laughed lightly “What the hell Severide?” 

He took another step closer which put his chest nearly touching yours “So, do you want to kill me?” you cut your eyes up at him, a grin slipping onto your face “Well, now that I know there’s other options..maybe not so much” his eyes fell to your lips so you laughed “Dammit Kelly just kiss me and get it over with” he shook his head “You really are a romantic sweetheart” before crashing his lips into yours.

[shakingparadigm]

Seeing all those analysis posts about how Till liked Mizi because she was gentle while not giving the same attention to Ivan because he wasn't... how Ivan might have made Till uncomfortable because he expressed his admiration for Till through violence because he liked how Till had the courage to fight back...

I was wandering if Ivan ever realized that the way he went about showing his feelings wasn't positive for Till and he fucking did. "I wish I had been kinder" he fucking regrets dude, fuck me man.

(This veered wildly off-topic I am so sorry.)

Coming back to this ask after the most recent R6 update is interesting.

I've always wondered why they chose the title Cure in particular. I was expecting a song title along the lines of Star or something abyssal. Then I thought about Till's affiliation with experiments and drugs and the various ways he was hurt. Cure... It also brings to mind how the content for Ivan highlights his "oddness", how he's framed as someone different, almost wrong in a sense. There's something that he lacks, something that he feels the need to fix, to cure.

In the recent ROUND 6 production post, the true meaning is revealed. You're right on a certain level, but as always, it's complicated.

Both Ivan and Till seek a certain type of "healing", maybe to compensate for their pain, their oddness and their loneliness. They wish to be cured of their suffering somehow and they seek the solution in other people.

QMENG states that Till desires a type of healing that Ivan cannot provide, and vice versa.

It goes without saying, pretty common knowledge at this point, but Till is a lot softer under his rebellious front. As someone who's been beat and abused his whole life, it makes sense that that type of love he'd want is something gentler, something stable. It's incredibly obvious in the way he acts towards Mizi. She's so genuine, so bright, untainted by the cruel reality of the world. Till softens around her, since she has only showed him kindness he in turn shows her the sweetest side of himself. He's had nothing stable to cling onto before, so he immediately becomes attached to this idealized version of Mizi. He believes she's the only person who can provide him with what he needs, the only one who can "heal" him.

It's outright stated that Ivan cannot provide that type of "healing" that Till is looking for. Ivan does try, of course. Unfortunately, he lacks something fundamental. Because of this he expresses himself in rather childish ways, which may involve a little cruelty and attention-seeking. A lot of Ivan's actions are muddled by his complicated feelings as well, as its stated that his true emotions and intentions are difficult to grasp. With Till, Ivan wants to save and be saved, hurt and heal him, keep him and set him free. Live for him and die for him. He criticizes Sua on the ethics of self-sacrifice and then goes on to do the same himself. With Ivan, everything contradicts.

He tries desperately to be the cure that Till needs, but due to his incredibly complex nature that "healing" will never be just healing. It may come with more pain and confusion despite his best efforts.

I don't think Till refused to give Ivan attention because he wasn't gentle enough, rather I think it's because everything was so complicated whenever Ivan was involved. Ivan is there for him in his times of need and causes a fair bit of trouble during the rest. He's strange and hard to grasp, but he's familiar. Calling each other "friends" seemed like such an inadequate label because they're simultaneously too close and not close enough. Ivan does wish he was kinder, though. Not only to Till, but to Sua and most likely a few other people as well. There's a lot of aspects in which Ivan wishes he were different, and it's tragic to hear how he deprecates himself in his final moments for it.

There's the second half of QMENG's statement as well, "vice versa". Till cannot provide what Ivan needs either, but Ivan desperately desires it anyway.

Ivan views Till as his cure. He wants to not only "heal" Till, but to be healed by him as well. This desire can be seen in the lyrics of Cure:

Notice my pain

And mend me right now

To quiet my fears

I'll drown in you

(The wish for "healing" is stated.)

In your gaze, where I’m seen

Consume me, yes, me, oh, oh

(Ivan urges Till to "consume" him like medicine, he wishes to be what Till needs.)

Ivan lacks something, and he believes that Till can make up for that lack which is why he's so fascinated by him. If Ivan is a black abyss, Till is a supernova, bringing life to an empty void. Unfortunately, Till is explosive and rather inept at handling his own extreme emotions, which causes him to either lash out violently or retreat further inward and push Ivan away. He's also a thoroughly destructive and hurt individual, seeking his own cure in another form. He cannot provide what Ivan needs.

Both Ivan and Till are incredibly volatile. That's not to say they don't have their gentler sides, but overall they've been doomed from the start. Ultimately it's no fault of theirs, they did what they could with their complicated feelings and fought through their own respective hells.

In the end, Ivan had to come to terms with the fact that he couldn't get the "healing" he needed and could never be what Till needed, either. That's why he finally acted on his impulses and let his complicated feelings win over, resulting in his death. Despite all the heartache, his final thoughts are a statement of gratitude. Truly a tragedy.