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navybrat817 · 6 months ago

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Hold You Tight: Part 6

Pairing: Club Owner!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader

Fic Summary: The owner of The 107th wants you to be his girl whether you like it or not.

Part 5 | Series Masterlist | Part 7

Chapter Summary: You're determined to have a quiet rest of the day without seeing or thinking about Bucky.

Chapter Word Count: Over 3.5k

Chapter Warnings: DARK AU, stalking, inner conflict, insecurities, manipulation, possessiveness, Bucky Barnes (he's a warning, okay?), more warnings to come.

A/N: More Hold You Tight! Hope you lovelies continue to enjoy. Bucky edit by the beautiful @nixakimbo. ❤️ Beta read by the lovely @whisperlullaby , but any and all mistakes are my own. Divider by the talented @firefly-graphics . Please follow @navybrat817-sideblog new fics and notifications. Comments, reblogs, feedback are loved and appreciated!

You sat in the tub, the cascading water from the shower head flowing over you as you stared at the opposite wall. Normally you welcomed the heat and billowing steam, but you shivered the longer you stayed there. The sound of the water droplets couldn't drown out Bucky’s moans or words from your mind.

“I’m so hard for you. And you’re wet for me, aren’t you? Fuck, I wish I was there to take care of you.”

“You’ll take it. You’ll take me. Like a good girl.”

“Wish I was there to help clean you up and get you dirty all over again.”

With a groan, you leaned your head against the wall. The man jerked off to the thought of you. No one ever desired you like that, at least not that you knew of. More than that he wanted you in his home. By his side. Why? You couldn't grasp why he wanted you so badly.

You also couldn't deny that his words got to you, if your wet your underwear was anything to judge by when you peeled them off. Were you so desperate for a semblance of affection that a few dirty words from a terrifying man turned you on? What did that say about you?

Just like the last couple of days, that was too much to unpack.

“I’m not special,�� you whispered.

You could practically see Bucky across from you with sadness in his eyes, the way he looked at you when you argued last night that you weren't special. He didn't believe that for a second. Quite the opposite. He saw something in you that others didn't. Wasn't that what you wanted deep down? To be seen? Cherished?

Not like this.

“Get up,” you muttered, carefully getting to your feet. You weren't going to sit there and feel sorry for yourself. Things could always be worse. All things considered, Bucky hadn't hurt you. Hadn't lied to you either, as far as you knew. Which made your heart ache at that thought of leaving your place behind.

If Bucky kept his promise and forced you to move in, what would you tell your friends? Would they think you were crazy for moving so fast or would they not question it at all because Bucky was rich, handsome, and they would assume he made you happy? You’d say what you had to if it meant keeping them safe, but feared it could possibly put up a wall between you and the group since you couldn't tell them the full truth. Maybe his intention was to drive you away from them and bring you closer to him.

Your head began to ache from the overanalyzing. “I’m not going to think about Bucky Barnes.” Shutting the water off, you pushed the questions and scenarios as far from your mind as possible as you went about the rest of your morning. The rest of the day would be routine, normal, nothing out of the ordinary.

Naturally, Bucky messaged you once you finished getting dressed to prove you wrong. “Thinking of you. Are you thinking of me?”

You swallowed dryly as you typed back to him. It was like he knew you were trying to forget about everything. “I think you want me to think about you.”

It didn't take him long to respond. “Of course, I do. I hope you’re thinking about our chat from earlier and when we can finish it.” The man didn't want to just get in your head. He wanted to get under your skin. “Is it too much to ask for a photo? You have such a beautiful smile.”

You scoffed both from the audacity and boldness. It wasn't enough that he pleasured himself while talking to you, he wanted a photo of you, too? He specifically noted your smile. Was it really beautiful? “Just because you sent me photos of you in your jackets doesn't mean I have to send photos back.”

“Pretty please?”

It was almost cute. “Not today. Sorry, Bucky.”

“That’s okay. Was worth a shot. Maybe I can convince you to let me take a photo when I see you tonight.”

You froze. There it was. Not “if” he’d see you tonight, but “when”. There was no stopping him, was there? Maybe it was that thought that possessed you to goad him because you couldn't otherwise explain why you sent what you did. “You won’t see me because I have plans. But tell you what. If by any chance you do see me tonight, I’ll let you take a photo.”

You blinked and reread your message. Why did you do that? Sending that was as stupid as it was impulsive and would only encourage him.

“Is that a challenge or a promise?”

Your stomach twisted in knots, but you sent one last reply. “It’s whatever you want it to be.”

Bucky was so convinced he’d see you and there was a good chance he would, but you’d make him work for it a little. You wouldn't stick around your apartment. That would probably be the first place he’d look for you.

Catch me if you can.

Your shift went as normal as could be. Steady enough to keep you busy, but not feel overwhelmed. No difficult customers. No surprise visits from Bucky either, though you kept waiting for him to walk through the door.

There was no relief though once you clocked out since you had no idea where you'd hide out for the rest of the day. Everyone you reached out to was busy. Addison, of course, was going out to dinner with Brady and you didn't bother messaging her. Dana had a double date with another of your friends. The rest all had romantic evenings planned, too. They apologized like always.

Was it bad that you were kind of used to it?

A message from Bucky appeared the second you stepped out of the shop. “Any chance you’ll give me a clue where you’ll be?”

You sighed, a sense of weariness seeping in that you couldn't blame on work. “Not a chance.”

“Should I go find you now? I’m a little bored.”

Your gaze darted from left to right. Was he already nearby somewhere watching? “If you're bored, read a book.”

A smile crossed your face when you suddenly thought about where to go. You told yourself earlier you didn't want to think about Bucky for the rest of the day. What better way than to distract yourself with a book? And what better place than your favorite bookstore, Turn the Page?

Before you tucked your phone away, you turned the GPS off just in case Bucky had a way to get access to it. You wouldn't put it past him to try. You wouldn't take your normal route either. It was crazy to think things like a routine could be a bad thing, but Bucky made you question everything.

Walking through the city, you occasionally glanced back over your shoulder to make sure no one was following you. No one looked your way, too occupied with their own agendas as they shuffled around you. Something still felt off, goosebumps forming on your arms and your heart sinking as you felt a pair of steel eyes on you.

You didn't realize you stopped walking until someone nearly collided with you. “I’m so sorry,” you said, giving you the push you needed to move again. Quickening your pace, you reminded yourself it was still light out. People were around. Even if Bucky was following you, what would he do?

You moved forward and didn't look back until you found yourself at the bookstore, taking a calming breath before you walked in. Turn the Page had a cozy and peaceful atmosphere with a range from classic to modern stories. You could spend hours there and feel perfectly at home.

“Hey, Marc,” you smiled at the man behind the counter.

“Hey. Good to see you,” Marc smiled back. He took over the bookstore over a year ago. Friendly for the most part and took pride in the shop. “Anything I can help you find? Just finished setting up some new releases.”

“No thanks,” you replied, selecting a thick romance novel that would pass the time. “I was just going to hang around and read for a bit if you don't mind.”

“Not at all. Can I get you anything to drink or eat? Coffee? Baked good?” He offered, nodding to the tiny cafe area in the corner.

“Just water for now, please,” you said. You probably needed to eat, but you’d wait for your nerves to fully settle. “Can I ask you something?”

“Sure, what’s up?” He asked, going to grab you your drink as you followed.

“Have you heard of The 107th?” You asked. You weren't sure what possessed you to do so. Maybe it was because he seemed like a neutral person to talk to.

“The nightclub?” Mark eyed you curiously. “That doesn't seem like your scene.”

“I’ve only been once. A friend's bachelorette party over a month ago,” you explained, assuming he meant it wasn't your type of scene since you weren't a party girl. “But I may have met the owner recently.”

Marc kept a neutral expression, but noticeably paused before he handed the glass over. “You met Bucky Barnes?”

“Yeah,” you answered, shifting on your feet. “Do you know him?”

He busied himself by cleaning the counter. “Yeah, I know him,” he said, your chest tight. How? “Well, I wouldn't say I know him well. I’ve only met him a couple of times. A lot of the local owners have since he has a hand in quite a few endeavors. Donates to the local hospital and charities, too.”

“That’s nice,” you croaked, taking a sip. If he had a hand in local businesses, was it possible that he met your boss? “He seemed very driven when I spoke to him.”

“That he is,” he agreed, tossing the rag away. “Also dangerous,” he added under his breath.

“Dangerous?” You repeated. The man threatened your loved ones, but why would Marc call him that?

He paused to look at you, his eyes wider than before. “Yeah, but you’re too sweet to get mixed up in any of that, so forget I said anything. Please,” he urged. You wished you could. “He hasn't been poking around your shop, has he?”

“Not that I’m aware of,” you said. You hoped not.

“Sorry, I just assumed since you said you met him. Wouldn't surprise me if he stops in soon though with the anniversary coming up and all.”

“Anniversary of what?” You asked.

“His family. They…” He trailed off when the phone rang at the counter. “Sorry. I need to get back to work.”

“That’s okay. I’ll just start my book,” you said, going to take a seat on the other side of the shop. You took your usual spot on the couch and wished you hadn't said anything. Marc knew Bucky enough to say he was dangerous. And why would he eventually poke around your shop? Anniversary… Flowers…

“I wish you could've met my mom. She would've loved you.”

“She’s gone and that’s a topic for another day.”

You settled further into the couch with a huff. Bucky’s family and endeavors were none of your business. You weren't going to question it any further. You were going to sit and enjoy your book.

That was exactly what you did.

A few customers went in and out of the shop as you lost yourself in the story. It was easy to imagine snuggling with the hero as he whispered how much he loved you and always would. The sweet sort of romance that brought a smile to your face and allowed you to relax against the cushions. You were surprised you didn't fall asleep.

What time was it anyway?

“How’s the book?”

A shiver rolled over you as you peered up from the page and saw Bucky standing in front of you. He wore the blue jacket and his eyes stood out just as you said they would. Where you expected to see triumph in his gaze, there was only curiosity and awe. Like he happened to bump into you by accident instead of intentionally.

“What are you doing here?” You whisper shouted, not wanting to draw attention. While it wasn't a complete shock that he managed to find you, it was a miracle your heart hadn't given out from how fast it pounded over the last couple of days. “How did you find me?”

Did he actually follow you?

He smiled a little. “You’re the one who told me to read a book since I was bored,” he said, taking a seat beside you and slipping his arm around you. You tensed as he pulled you close, but he merely rubbed your arm with his gloved hand until you relaxed. “And finding you was just a process of elimination. I know you didn't go back to your place after you left this morning and there aren't too many places you like to venture by yourself in the city.”

“And just how do you know I didn't go back to my apartment?” You asked.

“I may or may not have an eye on the building,” he said casually. It could've been a joke or serious answer, neither of which were a laughing matter. “Or maybe you knew that would be the first place I’d try to look for you, so you decided to avoid it.”

You bit your tongue. That was exactly what you did. “Or maybe I wouldn't be there since I was supposed to go out.”

He nodded. “You were supposed to go out, but your plans fell through, didn't they?” He asked sympathetically. You didn't want his pity. “If I had to guess, they fell through even before we talked this morning.”

“My original plans fell through, yes,” you confirmed.

He hummed. “Were you embarrassed to tell me?”

You wrung your fingers together. There was no reason for you to feel bad for not telling him. You didn't owe him anything because he wasn't your boyfriend. “No,” you whispered.

“Did it just slip your mind when we talked?” He teased. At least he didn't sound upset or disappointed. Why wasn't he upset? Was he testing you?

“No. I just wanted a night off from being…” you trailed off, not sure how he would react in public to something he didn't want to hear. And what was it a night off from exactly? Being his new girlfriend?

He scratched along his chin, drawing attention to the gray hairs. “You know what I think?” He asked.

“I have no idea,” you replied.

“I think you were testing me because you wanted me to find you. You want me more than you want to admit,” he said. Your mouth fell open, but you couldn't speak. “Otherwise, why push me to look for you? Why hang out in one of your favorite shops knowing I could easily track you down?”

“I didn't…” You took a breath. You didn't want him to chase after you. That wasn't it. “I didn't push.”

“Moyo Kotyonok, you dared me with that message and you know it,” he smirked.

Biting your lip, you didn't deny it any further since he was partially right. You egged him on by offering to let him take a photo if he found you, which wasn't smart. If you had real plans, you wouldn't have done that. But you didn't do it because you wanted him to find you or wanted him in general.

You didn't.

“But we can talk about that later,” he said, gentler than you expected. “I’m sorry about your plans. What happened?”

You finally closed the book in your lap and exhaled. “Addison and I were supposed to hang out, but she’s going out to dinner with her fiancé instead,” you explained.

He narrowed his eyes. “So, she ditched you,” he said, disappointment finally seeping into voice.

You shook your head. “No, she didn't ditch me. We rescheduled,” you argued, quick to defend her. She didn't maliciously blow you off. “Things come up. It happens.”

Bucky smiled softly. “You stuck up for her immediately. I admire that,” he said, shifting to face you more. He practically crowded you. “Why not hang out with another friend?”

You looked at your lap. What was he playing at? “Because my friends are busy,” you whispered. It hurt to say it and it shouldn't. It was just a downside of being the single one in a group of friends who had significant others. No one was obligated to keep their schedules open in case you wanted to hang out.

He tilted your head up. Why wouldn't he just let you hide? “Just so you know, I will never be too busy for you,” he whispered. It wasn't fair that he looked at you like you mattered. “You’re my top priority.”

You ignored the warm sensation that spread from your heart. So many people made you an option. “I shouldn't be,” you whispered.

“But you are and that isn't going to change,” he said, steadfast as always. “And since this shop is going to close soon, why not go to the club with me? It'll be fun.”

You gestured to your comfortable outfit. “I’m not dressed for your club. Besides, I was going to call it an early night after I left.”

His eyes roamed your body with interest before he shrugged and took the book from your lap. “I have that dress waiting for you, but you can wear whatever you want since you look beautiful in anything.”

“Are you listening to what I'm saying? I said I want to call it an early night.” You moved to stand, your limbs tired from sitting. “For someone who claims to care, you don't take my feelings into consideration.”

He reached to grab your hand and took it before you could walk away. “I care more than anyone else,” he whispered vehemently before he took a breath, his eyes burning with passion as he stood up, too. “I’m not ignoring your feelings. It’s a compromise. We won't stay long, so come with me.”

“Thank you for the offer,” you began, trying to put out the fire in his eyes. “But why would I want to go to your club when all I want to do is read and relax?”

“Do I need to remind you that some of my friends will be there and they still want to meet you?” He asked, gently guiding you toward the front of the store. “And I can take your right back to your place after so you can rest. You'll still have an early night.”

He considered that a compromise? “But I-”

“You’ll be in bed before 10. You have my word.” He walked you toward the exit, past the remaining customers, and gave the associate behind the counter a smile before you could protest. “And don't worry about the book. I paid for it.”

“Wait, where’s Marc?” You asked. You hadn't spoken to him since your earlier conversation.

The associate looked at Bucky before she smiled. “I think he went out back for a quick break.”

“Before closing?” You asked.

“Let’s go,” Bucky said, heading out the door with you.

He helped you into the car by the curb as you were still catching up to what was happening. He effortlessly coaxed you out of a store with people around and into a car, alone. The man had no fear.

“Where's Ray?” You asked since the partition was up. “Shocked you didn't send him in to get me.”

“He actually offered, but I wanted to go in myself,” Bucky replied, chuckling at your expression. “And don't worry. He's close by.”

You huffed and stared at the garment bag where your dress waited when he put an arm back around you. “I just wanted some peace and quiet tonight.” But he got you right where he wanted you.

“Like I said, you'll meet my friends and you’ll be in bed by 10.” Bucky dragged his nose along your throat and inhaled your scent. Your eyes closed, but your body didn't freeze up the way you expected it to. “We’ll both get what we want.”

What you wanted didn't matter. “Bucky?”

“Yeah, doll?”

You closed your eyes. “Just how dangerous are you?”

“I’m the most dangerous man in the city, but you're safe with me,” he replied against your skin.

“And what if your friends don't like me?” You asked.

“You have nothing to worry about. They’ll love you,” he promised, bringing his head up to kiss your temple. “But no one will ever love you more than I do.”

Love.

You shuddered. You weren't sure what you feared more. That his friends would love you enough to help keep you by his side or how much Bucky claimed to love you. Because there was nothing more dangerous than a powerful man in love.

Which friend do we think is the most excited to see you with Bucky? Love and thanks for reading! ❤️

Masterlist ⚓ Bucky Barnes Masterlist ⚓ Ko-Fi

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satoruxx · 4 months ago

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THE SPACE BETWEEN COMFORT AND CHAOS.

✧ PAIRING: wolf!toji fushiguro x f!reader | 4.5k words

✧ SUMMARY: wolfhybrid!toji, hybrid au, grumpy x sunshine, animalistic behavior, societal inequality, dysfunctional families, were getting into the pining everyone, fluff, toji letting his guard down, blood as a metaphor for love ??

✧ RHEYA'S NOTE: sorry for taking a month to get this part out guys!! unfortunately the semester's started and i'm also spending every free minute i have studying for the mcat rip :(( but know that wolf toji never leaves my mind hehe :33 as usual i would recommend reading the previous parts before this one !!

prev. | series masterlist.

you are slowly getting used to coming home and not seeing toji there.

not that he is overly loud or anything. but after seeing someone lounging on your couch or staring at the tv or awkwardly peeking through your fridge every single day, the lack of that presence seems much more impactful.

it leaves a strangely empty feeling in your gut, but you shake it off because you know he will be back soon.

besides, he had been the one to insist on getting a job.

("you really don't have to—"

"i wanna." he scratches the back of his neck, an awkward grimace on his face as he speaks. "i uh… take up a lotta your space. so just let me, alright?")

far be it from you to deny a literal predator. so yes, the two of you had fallen into a sort of rhythm. while you were at school or your job, toji would go out and work—you're not really sure what it is he does, and you're a little too awkward to ask. he had hinted at picking up small odd jobs here and there, like helping move construction materials or furniture, which was easy thanks to his brute strength.

it also was easier for him to lay low with jobs that didn't involve high profile people.

you never tried to find out more, because oddly enough, you trusted the hulking wolf of a man.

and it was…oddly endearing how'd he'd come back with his paycheck and drop it in your palm, voice a low grunt as he mutters a quick, "here y'go."

in fact, over the few months that toji has been with you, you've started easily picking up many oddly endearing things about him.

like how he sits upright and scowls when the doorbell rings, ears pointed and hackles rising. how he does not eat if you're not eating—even if you give him a plate he will sit in front of it and stare you down, urging you to drop what you're doing to come and sit with him. how he prefers taking a seat near your legs when you're watching tv, back pressing against the bottom of the couch.

(you try mentioning any of these to him and he gives you the most affronted scowl.)

but yes it's all very endearing. even now when you're sitting on your couch and thinking about it, there is a silly smile on your face—when you notice it, you have to slap yourself quickly.

the cool chill of your wet hair leaves a trail of goosebumps over your arms, even though your body is warm from your shower. maybe it's strange to be overanalyzing the all cute little things the wolf hybrid you let in your home does on a daily basis. and perhaps you should be wondering why your brain seems to find him whenever it doesn't have anything else to think about, but you're a little scared of what that might reveal about you.

your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the bathroom door unlocking, and you look up subconsciously.

your eyes catch toji's figure leaving the bathroom, and for a split second your throat goes dry. he emerges from a cloud of steam, drops of water cascading over the planes of his chest and torso. a towel hangs lows on his hipbones, hair heavy with wetness as he frustratingly shakes the strands away from his eyes. you are unable to look away from the muscles of his back, damp skin reflecting the light in the hallway.

it's just a few seconds—just as he makes his way from the bathroom into his own bedroom, but it's enough to have you sitting there with your lips parted.

you spend the next couple seconds shaking your head as you try to push down the heat crawling up your neck.

the wolf joins you a few minutes later, a loud yawn tearing through his throat. his hair is messy, damp from the shower and sticking up in odd directions.

(you cannot look away from him.)

"hey," he nods at you, claws absentmindedly scratching under his shirt.

(a glimpse of chiseled abs and scarred muscle.)

"hey," you answer back, still feeling warm. you clear your throat, brushing it aside. "ready to eat?"

a wordless nod. you stand up and head to the kitchen, exhaling deeply. you're not sure what that was, but you'll be sure to brush it under the rug.

in a few minutes the two of you are sitting across each other, as usual. toji ravenously digs into his food, tongue running over his lips subconsciously.

you watch, strangely satisfied. his jade green eyes briefly flick up to meet yours. when they find their mark, they turn away, but his shoulders seem to relax.

you shove your fork in your mouth, a little breathless. "h-how was your day?"

he swallows, heavy gaze finding yours again. "not bad. work was work."

you grin. "wow what a riveting revelation. how much do i need to donate for an elaboration, mister wolf?"

toji makes a show of rolling his eyes, chewing slowly. "you're so dramatic."

"i'm entertaining," you clarify, a smug smile tugging at your lips.

"whatever helps you sleep at night, kid." he huffs out what sounds like a dry chuckle, but you take it like it's a medal. he indulges your question though. "i helped on a construction site. it wasn't that hard."

another satisfied bite. "humans are always so creative when they try to get out of doing work."

your brow quirks. "what do you mean?"

he waves his paw haphazardly, looking exasperated. "y'know? with all their machines and shit."

you snort quietly. "yeah some of us can't lift ten thousand pounds like you."

he throws you an unamused glance, but continues eating. there's a pause, but then he asks. "how about you?"

you smother a grin behind your fork—how considerate of him. "it was fine. pretty boring day."

suddenly you perk up, a thought hitting you, and toji unconsciously leans closer.

"oh wait! i had to train someone today. it was so awkward!" you wave your fork around as you articulate your words. "he was really quiet and barely asked questions so i felt like i was yapping for hours to fill the silence. but he seemed nice enough so it's fine i guess."

(so that's the new trace of a scent that toji picked up on as soon as you walked in. it clung to you, overly sweet and sticky—molasses. worming its way around your body, almost parasitic. and you had no idea.

but he did. he knows the undertones in that foreign scent, can pick up the giddy nerves and faint arousal and sheer excitement. it disgusts him, irritates him beyond belief.

if it were up to him he'd dig his claws into that gross scent.

maybe if he were to tighten his grip, sink his teeth into your flesh—a sadistic little brand of his own—he could scrape that parasite off of you. replace it with a parasite of his own.)

"you do talk a lot," he replies. the offended look on your face is exactly the reaction he was waiting for, and he pushes down a smirk.

"well i have to make up for it since you're so boring!"

the two of you bicker over dinner, and toji does not know why it pleases him so much. the dips in your brows, the slant of your lips, the strained laughter behind your arguments—every microexpression threatens to worm its way into the inner crevices of his brain and settle there.

(parasitic beyond belief.)

these expressions stay in his mind even as he finds himself in his bed a few hours later. his jade eyes feel strained as they bore holes in the ceiling, the shadows creating monsters against the walls. he tries thinking of something else, but you remain, stubborn in a way that he does not know how to fight.

he briefly wonders whether this is normal—if other people also think of you after they spend time with you.

(but then he realizes that would mean that others are privy to seeing you the way he does, and suddenly the taste in his mouth is bitter.)

toji is grateful though. for the past few months, there would be nights where his dreams weren't so pleasant. where he would find himself back in a cold cell, with the sound of boots and growls and cheers echoing in his ears. or he'd be back in that family home, kept to the side, away from the rest because of his cursed blood and so called poisonous mother. where he would stand in front of a mirror and curse the features that made him so misfortunate.

so yeah, if it were up to him, he'd much rather see your pretty face behind his eyelids.

but even then it seems as though sleep will be eluding him tonight. his body feels restless, thrumming with energy and mild irritation. his skin feels numb and prickly, somehow simultaneously hot and cold.

toji rubs a weary paw across his face, grumbling. he doubts he's getting anymore sleep tonight—it's not like he isn't used to it. he throws the covers off, before standing up and stretching until he's heard a few satisfying pops. maybe he'll go watch something on your tv at the lowest possible volume, or he'll sit by the living room window until he dozes off on his own. whatever—he's just so damn tired.

his door creaks as he pushes it open, and he internally prays that you remain asleep. but from what he knows, while you are a relatively light sleeper, these sounds don't usually bother you. he pauses just as he walks past your room, sneaking a glance at the shut door.

he thinks he can picture you clearly behind the door, wrapped up in your sheets and pressed against your pillows without a care in the world. he wonders whether you're dreaming tonight, and if you are he wants to know what you see.

(wondering whether you see his face in the same way he sees yours.)

he does not know what compels him, but toji finds himself taking a seat on the ground, back pressing against your door. he can faintly hear the sound of your heartbeat, slow and even as you sleep. your breaths are low, steady—like the sound of waves gently rushing over warm sand.

it's rhythmic, tantalizing, so so soothing.

he can feel his eyes growing heavy, can feel the tension leaving his shoulders. he thinks he can feel the warmth of your body through the door.

toji is lucky that his ears are sensitive. because in the morning, when you quietly get out of bed, he will awake to the sound, and then he will hurry back into his room like nothing happened. he will make this a habit, seeking you out in the middle of the night when sleep is his worst enemy. and he will sit there, using the thumping of your heartbeats his own personal metronome—a lullaby.

but it will be his little secret.

he has always been so stubborn.

the bite of the stinging wind makes toji's hair stand on end, but he does not hate it. he'd much rather welcome the overcast skies than bake under a glaring sun. the sound of hammering and drilling and machines makes toji's ears twitch even under the stupid hardhat his boss insisted he wear.

whatever. just a few more hours and then he can go home.

he briefly thinks of you. wonders whether you'll be home before he is or whether he'll be the one waiting for you tonight.

he hears footsteps approaching, but barely flinches as his boss claps him on the shoulder. the stocky, genial old man is way too cheerful for a job so dull, but toji has gotten used to it by now. besides the guy practically adores the big strong hybrid who moves materials for him like it's the easiest thing in the world. and he never stops talking about it.

"what would we do without you, toji?"

toji snorts indifferently. "crash and burn?"

a bark of laughter cuts through the air and the wolf raises a brow.

"you're right about that." the old man grins, looking up at the hulking wolf with a mix of awe and gratitude. "some of these kids are too lazy."

he turns to bark a couple of orders to some of the younger workers, and toji bites back a wry grin, shaking his head. "what d'ya need me to do after moving these?"

his boss looks at the steel beams toji is currently stacking, before glancing down at his clipboard. "honestly, just need the bricks moved and you should be good to leave."

toji unconsciously perks up at that. suddenly he feels a lot more energized—starts working a little quicker.

his boss is quiet for a second, before he asks a question. "you got someone back home?"

toji throws him a disinterested glance, before resuming his work. "why?"

"well my daughter's got a friend. hybrid too, you know?" toji is barely listening, instead securing the ties around a couple of steel beams by his feet. his boss continues genially. "deer. she's real sweet."

"you know wolves eat deer, right?" toji's expression is so blank it makes his boss flinch. an awkward chuckle escapes the old man's lips, and he raises his hands in defeat.

"okay, i get it. you're not interested."

toji shakes his head mutely, turning his focus back to his work.

"but don't you wanna settle down? you're at that age right?" his boss ponders, glancing down at the clipboard in his hands. "don't most hybrids find a mate by this age?"

the word sets a shot of heat through his gut. he does not like addressing those things, base instincts that make him different from everyone else, which is why he has so adamantly pushed aside that part of his nature. because he hates the idea of tying someone to him, trapped with him forever. because he knows that once he has his teeth in them he will not let them go. because he has always been nothing more than a selfish animal.

he hates the idea with a burning passion.

(his blood is hot, fire in his veins. he wonders if you would let him do that to you, sink his fangs into your throat and let him eat you up. feel your flesh and blood under his ever so grateful claws—worshipping, all consuming.

somehow the idea becomes less revolting.

he wonders what you think about the whole thing. tying yourself to someone forever. would you be open to an animal? he hopes you wouldn't be. he knows there are similar traditions for your kind. something involving a ring on a finger and a big celebration to follow. but even that seems mediocre to him. does not hold the same meaning as making you his and devoting himself to you.

humans are so blasé.)

"like i said, not interested." toji's air of indifference makes the man's shoulders slump, but he brushes it off with a good natured chuckle.

"well okay. let me know if you change your mind. my daughter has a lot of friends."

a noncommittal grunt escapes the wolf and he speaks up before he can stop himself. "forget it. i got someone already."

his boss gasps, strangely giddy. "well you ass! why didn't you lead with that?"

(because he didn't mean to say it.)

toji shrugs carelessly, turning away. he doesn't want to talk about it—mostly because it's a lie. but also because he knows that if he thinks too deeply about it, he'll start wondering why it was so easy to offer you up like that. and why it disappoints him that it is really nothing more than a lie.

"it's not a big deal."

"i'm sure other people would disagree," the older man laughs. "what's she like?"

(another burst of fire—quiet, clinging, possessive. he would stand in front of you and take the intrusive stares into his own shoulder blades before he let them even look at you.)

"she's fine." the short answer is all toji wants to share.

"just fine?"

(perfect, he wants to say. but nobody needs to know that but him.)

"anyone ever told you you're nosy?"

his boss blinks, before letting out another boisterous burst of laughter. a clap to the back follows, and toji sighs in exasperation.

"fine fine. i'll stop. you're such a secretive asshole."

toji finishes securing the ties before easily hefting the steel beams onto his shoulder. he ignores the starry eyed gazes of some of the younger workers around him. his boss, despite seeing toji's brute strength before, still looks just as starstruck.

"where'd you come from anyway?" the older man finally blurts out. toji's shoulders tense, eyes narrowing as he pins an intrusive stare to the human. his boss backtracks.

"n-not that it matters!" he stumbles, and toji is suddenly reminded of how human the man is compared to him. "you know i don't care where you're from as long as you can work."

"i can work." the wolf's response is dry. he doesn't like the idea of sharing anything about himself to humans.

(besides you of course.)

"right. we've gotten a lot done since you've joined." the boss once again claps him on the back heartily, and toji has to push down the feelings of irritation at the casual touch.

(all he really cares about is finishing his work. the faster he gets done, the faster he can go home and see you.)

a few hours later, toji's pushing the apartment door open. his muscles are a little sore, but it's peace compared to the aftermath of his old battles underground. the extra key in his hand feels heavy, weighted with some importance that he is unused to. he decides he does not hate it as he drops it in the little bowl you have next to the door—right next to your own keychain.

"i'm back." his voice is low, just because he's still getting used to announcing his return. still getting used to the idea that someone is there waiting for him.

he sees your head pop up from over the back of the couch, and he is briefly reminded of a bunny. the thought almost makes him smile.

"welcome home!" you grin, propping yourself on your knees and peering at him. "how was your day?"

"meh," he grunts, shrugging his jacket off. you roll your eyes good naturedly, almost like you expected this response.

"you're so articulate," you drawl sarcastically, and he huffs. without thinking, he reaches over to give your forehead a gentle push.

"shut up."

you grumble at the shove, pushing his arm away before standing up and heading towards the kitchen. "ready for dinner?"

he glances at the clock, lips slanting unhappily. "you didn't have to wait to eat, kid."

"yeah but i wanted to." a cheeky smile stretches across your face, and he has the strongest urge to reach out and tug on your cheek until you're swatting at him in between laughs.

but all he can do is sigh. "stupid…"

the way you turn to stick your tongue out at him almost makes him chuckle.

in a few minutes you're both in your respective spots, digging into your food just as you do every night. dinner is quiet, but not uncomfortable. somehow toji feels relaxed even in your silence.

(he wonders why that is.)

eventually the wolf feels a pleasant chill run up his spine, so he unconsciously lifts his head. your eyes are pinning him to his seat, not sharp but ever so curious. he thinks he has finally learned how to read you.

(pick you apart and examine your pieces before putting you back together with reverent fingers.)

he is about to ask you to spill it, but you beat him to it.

"hey toji?" your voice is quiet, timid. his gaze travels over you, sharp eyes assessing the sudden nervousness in your posture.

"what?"

"can i ask you something?"

he hesitates, chewing his food, before nodding once.

"how did you end up underground anyway?"

he stiffens. a rush of anger floods through his body. the familiar feeling of hatred as he thinks of the cursed last name he once had and who that name belongs to.

he steels himself, trying to keep those emotions suppressed. the last thing he wants to do is get angry in front of you. so he just swallows, and looks down at his plate. "my family sold me there."

he hears your sharp inhale, can practically smell the spike of indignant anger, before the sadness follows.

"your own family?"

he shrugs haphazardly, like it doesn't matter—it does. "yep."

you watch him continue eating with an evidently sympathetic look in your eyes. he still does not know how to react to that expression, but he knows that it makes his stomach churn with a strange mix of sensations.

"why?" you press, leaning forward. in between the shine of curiosity in your eyes, he sees that subtle spark of anger—anger on his behalf. once again, this idea makes him strangely giddy.

another shrug. toji leans his chin in his palm, gaze drifting to the side. "don't know. they just don't really fuck with hybrids."

you make a face. he suppresses a chuckle.

"as soon as they found out my old man got with my ma, they said i'd be trash," he continues. "cursed her for ruining his life. ever since i was born they told me that i wasn't like them. animal scum, y'know?"

he says all this very casually, but he finds that he cannot look away from you. he wants to greedily drink in every little expression, every sliver of emotion, every single detail that betrays your thoughts and feelings.

(he wants to open you up and dig through flesh and blood until he finds your beating heart. he wants to find it and gently hold it in his palms. take it and keep it close to his own so that it remains untouched—unhurt. safe.)

your expression looks sad now, and toji briefly regrets answering your questions. he finds that he really does not like this expression on you.

"so they just sent you there?" you ask, fiddling with your food. it seems like you've lost your appetite now. "that's it?

toji gives a noncommittal roll of his eyes. "well they spent eighteen years feeding me and growing me up. they figured i owed them for their generous charity."

another grimace of distaste.

"so as soon as i was an adult they sent me down there. been fighting ever since." he finishes the last bite of his food. licks his fingers clean. jade eyes find yours.

a sad dip of your brows. "i'm so sorry. that's terrible."

(you offer your comfort so willingly. naive and warm.

he is an animal. a greedy one. he will take and take and take until there is nothing left to give. until he is attached to your warmth at a level that goes microscopically deep. past skin and muscle and bone and blood.)

toji hums, standing up to go put his empty plate in the sink. just as he is passing by you, he notices your expression—he pauses in his tracks.

you purse your lips, hesitant. but you seem to get over whatever fear you had and speak up. "i'd give you a hug but i know you'll throw a fit."

(his ribcage jumps—he thinks he can feel himself salivate. dripping from his fangs.)

you grin to yourself, like you've told a joke. once again he greedily drinks it in. when you meet his eyes again, blinding smile just for him, he thinks he has been reborn.

"so i'll just say i'm glad you're here."

toji's throat goes dry. there is a flood of thoughts then—uncontrollable and honest. he wonders what it would feel like, a hug from you. if he thinks hard enough, he can imagine the brush of your fingers against his shoulders, around his waist. can feel the tickle of your hair under his chin. can feel the warmth of your cheek against his chest. can feel your scent fill his nostrils. the steady thrum of your heartbeat pressed against his own.

he swallows with a bit of difficulty.

your words dance in his ears—so frustratingly pleasant. i'm glad you're here.

only you could say something so disgustingly sweet and have his head spinning. he thinks you might be more dangerous than he is.

because strangely, his lips pull into a smile, one that is weirdly fond, and he reaches up to put a heavy hand on your head.

you blink, confused, as he ruffles your hair. it's not at all gentle—gruff and unrestrained in a way that is so inherently toji. but you relax under his touch without even realizing it yourself.

he wants to say more. wants to tell you that yes, he's glad to be here too. with you.

but he bites his tongue, drops his hand, and revels in the fact that he can at least look at you right in front of him.

"did your family really care that much when they found out a hybrid was gonna be born into the household?" you ask, and toji continues his walk over to the kitchen sink, answering over his shoulder.

"yeah. the zenins have always been so picky about their stupid bloodline."

from the corner of his eyes, he catches the way your jaw drops at his casual statement. his ears pick up the sounds of you tripping over yourself to follow him, and he almost laughs.

"wait wait zenin like the owners of that super huge company? the really rich ones? those zenins?!"

"that's the one," he smirks mirthlessly, pawing at the faucet. the sound of his family name drives away any remaining semblance of appetite he had. he sneaks a glance at your expression, finding a sliver of amusement at the wide eyed stare you're sporting. a quiet chuckle tumbles past his lips. "gonna tattle?"

your expression turns affronted as you scoff. "do you really have that little trust in me?"

"no. i trust you." he says it so blankly, a deadpan stare on his face as his jade eyes pin you to your spot. heat crawls up your neck, unaccustomed to such blatant honesty from the normally so closed off hybrid.

you clear your throat, and toji bites back a smile. the flustered expression on your face is new to him.

(there is warmth radiating off of your face that he has never felt before. he can see your eyes dart to the side, can see you shrink a little at his statement. his eyes trace the way your tongue darts out to wet your lips. this behavior is unfamiliar, but he thinks he likes it. flustered, embarrassed, shy—all because of him. the urge to brand himself with your name grows in his gut like a flame, hot and desperate.)

somehow he finds that his appetite has returned.

so so hungry.

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iz-star · 6 months ago

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Zayne: Hidden Motive - The hidden meaning behind these two images and other thoughts about this card.

Warnings: NSFW talk, personal interpretation about this card, some analysis (probably overanalyzing lol).

I've already mentioned this quickly over twitter, tho I have to admit that I hate to write down my thoughts over there cause it's already difficult for me to put my ideas in order, let alone writing them in threads (and not even in my native language, my brain can't do so much). So I'm going to try to explain this here better, especially cause I've seen a lot of people not so sure of what happened in this card, if what Zayne and MC did was straight up dry humping or if it was all just the movement of the chair without actually touching each other.

Of course, this card was wild just for the already suggestive (let alone, stimulating?) work of the camera when MC is on top of Zayne, but this game is not even rated +18 so they have to be careful about what they show. Sex isn't anything new to this game, however it all depends on the way it is portrayed and showcased. Most of the times, sex is always implied; there are spicy moments but it has never been anything overly explicit, most cases the sexy scenes are more like foreplay, what leads to actual intercourse/sex, the last part being left to the imagination. If they were going to be wild with this card, they had to be soft at portraying it, unironically. In order to do that, they had to resort to certain storytelling resources, in this case: the rocking chair, the leaf and the fabric over the couch.

The rocking chair's purpose I think it's quite obvious and it was to not to blatantly show MC and Zayne rocking against each other, it was like the perfect excuse to put them on such a situation without the characters doing it willingly, or so so cause it's already too much to know that MC is sitting on top of Zayne, however this is not new to the game, right? MC sitting on top of Zayne's lap is actually quite normal, she's done it several times; here they just had to give them an excuse to move and when Zayne pulled MC towars him, everything started. I seriously praise the masterminds behind this scene cause they literally gave us Zayne and MC starting to dry hump in front of our very eyes in a very subtle way.

Again, the camera direction is the most risky thing they had done to showcase a sexual act so far, and I'm not mentioning this to downplay any other sexy scenes from Zayne or the other LIs, it's simply bc the bouncing movement it's too explicit and induces quite strong sexual ideas related to it, to go further seemed to be impossible at this point, however it also looked like they wanted us to be sure of what was happening here somehow, that it wasn't only the rocking chair making us seeing things, so in order to confirm what our minds were thinking and it wasn't only the sound of Zayne's kisses filling the room, they resorted to metaphors: the leaf and the fabric over the couch.

Maybe this is my dirty mind speaking, but is so suggestive the way this image was showed right after Zayne asked MC "Do I look like I can work right now?" with all the movement of the camera going wild and he resuming to kiss/suck MC's neck. It literally started to rain in this very moment, and the drop running down the leaf seems to be a metaphor of MC's arousal. Yes, she was getting wet down there. For this one, I think that the reference is quite easy to understand and there's no need to explain more, except to say that I actually loved the subtle yet beautiful/elegant way to refer to her arousal.

But what about the fabric over the couch?

If the image of the leaf was a reference to MC, then this one is a reference of Zayne's own arousal. What this image has is a disheveled fabric that's hanging from the edge of the couch, so there's two things:

The couch → Zayne's thighs/legs (isn't it a common joke within the fandom that Zayne is MC's favorite chair due to all the times she sits on his lap, anyway?)

The fabric → Zayne's robe.

Did you notice that among the four LIs, it was Zayne's robe the only one with the loosest tie and both sides of his robe do not even cross? like this thing it's barely keeping together somehow.

Which is genuinely surprising coming from Zayne, the Zayne whose towel outfit has the safest tie, the Zayne whose workout outfit covers his body from head to toe, the same Zayne who has dressed five (or was it six?) layers of clothes in the past (Master of Fate), the same Zayne who is always wearing long coats and suits and literally the one who makes us feel like victorian man seeing a woman's ankles for the first time lol.

I definitely think they did this on purpose. Give him easier access? Hell yeah. What this image is intending to say is that he was already opening his robe down there, making the contact with MC's wetness closer? Maybe that's why after this, she told him not to be too intense? Hmm...

Now, this probably is my overanalysis, it's up to you if you choose to believe this or not. For some people, media is about what is explicitly told, but narrative resources say a lot most part of the time, it helps the writers to give the readers hints about certain foreshadowing or, in this case, to reference to certain things that are impossible to address due to censorship.

Personally, I loved this card so much, but at the same time, it leaves me with a sense of dread. Did you notice how emotional, bittersweet or even sad/nostalgic was Zayne's bgm during his kindle? I saw some people uploaded the recording of his kindle without the bgm just to appreciate the naughty sounds (no blame here cause I did too ngl ahaha), but it made me want to listen to the music alone and good lord, the music made me so emotional. After watching the kindle with the music on again, I realized of how emotional this moment becomes when the bgm is playing. It gives vibes of something so intense yet so fragile. Go listen and appreciate it alone, you'll see what I'm talking about:

youtube

I noticed that they used two new songs for these cards, one was this one and the other was used in Rafayel's kindle, for Xavier and Sylus' kindles, they used bgm that was previously used in other memories. It's also interesting that the art direction of Zayne and Rafayel's kindles has a bit of a somber mood to them, like even their scenarios make sure to use cold colors and emotional backgrounds, while Xavier and Sylus' use more warm and romantic colors, (tho at least Xaviers bgm music was also intense even if the song is not new).

I feel like the bgm wanted to give a sensual yet emotional feeling to most scenes (except Sylus' since this one was the most chill, which is normal considering that he's new), however, we can't deny that Zayne's song feels like something is about to break somehow, idk how to explain. Someone in the comments section of the video said that it was angsty and beautiful just like Zayne is...

I've been feeling like Zayne's latest cards have been really emotional an intense. In Snowy Serenity is Zayne the one who is in danger, in Hidden Motive, it's MC the one in danger and both cards showcase how far are they willing to get in order to secure each other's safety (and also how much they lie to each other about their own safety lol).

In Snowy Serenity, Zayne and MC get emotionally closer, in Hidden Motive they get physically closer and yet both cards have a bit of both themes too, emotional and physical intimacy on another level.

In Snowy Serenity, Zayne knew that he might not be back so he asked MC to see him off the airport and gave her a hug, even if he never said goodbye, and in Hidden Motive, he tells her that she's not allowed to leave him without saying goodbye. Then he tells her he'll like her as long as she's alive and well. We also have the Adventure above the clouds chapters where they talk about ther lifes in 50 years in the future and how they'll be together still relying on each other. In Dawnbreaker's anecdotes, MC gets to celebrate Zayne's birthday with him and tells him that from now on, she'll always celebrate his birthday with him.

It feels like they're starting to look into the future a little too much, like making promises too soon, it feels too perfect... as if something bad is about to happen and rob us from that bright future, you know?

Do you know who made promises before a tragedy?

I've been thinking about this since I finished Hidden Motive cause... my first thought was... Now what can top this? A lot of us got really surprised by Zayne's card cause the spice was unexpected and I think it's needless to say this, but even the kindle felt a bit different from what we are used to see normally, even some ppl said the kindle was a bit longer than normal. Why would they feed us so much good/emotional/intense content of Zayne lately? And how are they going to keep it up? My brain tells me that something sexual being released too soon after this might feel repetitive so in order to create a bigger impact after this they'll resort to angst. I don't think they'll make Zayne's bday event sad, however, they also announced that more main story branches are going to be added from September to December and Zayne's probably gonna be the first to return, since he was the first one to disappear from the main story.

I just can't help thinking about this, I have this bad feeling that I hope is just my stupid brain overthinking and that we will have happy sweet memories with Zayne from now on even tho the story seems to keep hinting that something bad is going to happen, ugh.

Anyway, sorry for my rant, I actually have a lot of thoughts about this card that I don't know if I'll get to write cause I've been really busy with work lately, however I wanted to at least get this out of my chest.

#zayne #lads zayne #l&ds zayne #zayne love and deepspace #love and deepspace #l&ds #lnds #hidden motive #Youtube

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00valentina-writes00 · 22 days ago

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Loser!Sub Ellie Headcanons

1. Always Begs for Permission: Ellie’s too nervous to take initiative without explicit direction.

“Can I? Like… please? I’ll be good, I swear.”

2. Gets Embarrassed by Her Own Sounds: She tries to stifle her noises, which only makes them louder.

“Oh—shit! Did I—uh, sorry, I didn’t mean to be that loud!”

3. Hyperfixates on Your Reactions: She’s obsessed with pleasing you and needs constant reassurance.

“Is that good? Yeah? Oh my god, you’re so hot like this…”

4. Loses Her Mind Over Praise: Ellie’s so desperate for validation that even a little praise makes her spiral.

“You—you think I’m good? Holy shit, I think I’m gonna die.”

5. Wants to Hear You Talk Dirty: Ellie loves when you tease her, even though she gets flustered.

“Wait, what’d you just call me? Oh my god, don’t stop.”

6. Can’t Handle Being Touched First: The moment you touch her, she’s putty in your hands.

“Fuck—don’t look at me like that I—uh, I can’t take it.”

7. Talks Herself into a Corner: Ellie’s nervous rambling always ends up more degenerate than she intended.

“I-I was just thinking about you earlier—uh, not in a weird way! Or, like, maybe kind of weird…”

8. Gets Off on Being Teased: She loves when you tease her, even though it makes her squirm.

“C’mon, dude, don’t mess with me like that… unless you’re gonna finish what you started.”

9. Can’t Stop Herself from Complimenting You: Ellie gets so flustered that she blurts out awkward compliments.

“You’re, like, stupidly hot, you know that? It’s not fair.”

10. Clings to You After: She’s needy as hell and can’t stop touching you, even after everything’s done.

“Don’t go yet. Just… stay, okay? I need you.”

11. Loves Being Marked: Ellie secretly loves when you leave marks on her, even though she pretends to be embarrassed.

“Oh, shit, you’re gonna leave a mark, aren’t you? Fuck, do it.”

12. Wants to Be Put in Her Place: Ellie craves it when you take charge and tell her what to do.

“Yeah, okay, fine—just tell me how you want me. I’ll do anything.”

13. Gets Flustered When You Take the Lead: She tries to act confident but completely loses it when you take over.

“Oh my god, you’re so—uh, wait, are you really gonna—oh fuck.”

14. Overthinks Every Move: She’s constantly overanalyzing, making her even more awkward.

“Did I do that right? Wait, should I do it again? Uh, just tell me what you want”

15. Obsessed with Your Voice: Ellie can barely function when you whisper in her ear.

“Jesus Christ, you can’t just say stuff like that! I’m already dying over here!”

16. Loses Control at the Slightest Praise: Even the smallest compliment turns her into a wreck.

“Fuck, don’t call me that. Or, uh, do… shit, I don’t know”

17. Gets Embarrassed by How Much She Likes It: Ellie tries to act cool but can’t hide how into it she is.

“Nngh~ shit that feels good- wait did I say that out loud..”

18. Absolutely Melts When You’re Rough: She loves when you get a little rough with her, even if she pretends to protest.

“Oh, come on! You can’t just—fuck—okay, yeah, do that again.”

19. Constantly Seeks Validation: Ellie can’t handle the thought of not satisfying you.

“You liked that, right? You’re not just saying that? Please tell me I didn’t mess it up.”

20. Wants to Be Told What to Do: Ellie loves it when you take the reins and give her instructions.

“Yeah, okay—whatever you say. Just tell me where you want me.”

#ellie x you #ellie x fem reader #ellie x reader #ellie the last of us #ellie willams x reader #ellie smut #ellie willams smut #ellie williams #ellie tlou #sub ellie williams #loser ellie

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yenyu1s · 8 days ago

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(눈,코,입) eyes, nose, lips.. barista!kang sae-byeok x f!reader written by @yenyu1s ( ˶˘ ³˘(⋆❛ ہ ❛⋆)

pairing(s) : kang sae-byeok x f!reader contents : hurt/angst, pure fluff on some parts! - mentions of death, blood hint of violence. sae-byeok is kind of ooc.. that's all i could think of! synopsis : kang sae-byeok would've never thought true love would find its way to a person like her. that was before she met.. you. in the pages of her safekept journal, she poured out her deepest feelings, capturing every sweet moment spent by your side, and every unspoken word held close to her heart. now, you cling to those entries, reading them each night, knowing she will never return. wc : 6.69k taglist : @madebysae @saebyeokbliss @knfthxv

(a/n) i'm so drowning in school work i asked chatgpt to proofread and correct my grammar LOL! so i apologize if there are any mistakes in my grammar or annotation! (for more, masterlist)

june 9, 2021.

"if.. if i were to disappear, someday.." the tired girl beside you murmured, "..would you wait for me?.."

the unexpected question made you shake off your exhaustion, you tilted you head upwards at your lover, "sae.. what are you saying?" you bat your lashes at her in disbelief. a weary smile plastered across your face. unsure of the true meaning behind the query.

"don't ask, just answer." she retorted, a different emotion you had never seen before from her laced her voice. was it.. fear?

you were both in the living room sofa legs and arms tangled together, bodies intertwined at your tight, shared apartment. your stomach begins to twist more and more with each second you spent overanalyzing the question.

"really, sae-byeok? you ask such weird-" you forced a giggle before sae-byeok stops you.

"please.. please. just answer." there was a tinge of irritation in her voice, something was definitely wrong.

you mustered up every bit of strength left in your body to answer. "yeah! of course i would silly.. i'd wait for you in every single lifetime." you smiled innocently.

the short-haired girl beside you tore her gaze away from the tv that was playing your beloved soap opera. you noticed her eyes were practically bulging out of her sockets, her eyes fixated on you with furrowed eyebrows. her lips curled into a faint frown. it almost looked.. sorrowful. as if she was whispering an apology without a single word.

"what's wrong?" you asked sweetly. eyes tracing the shadows in hers, searching for echoes of emotion.

she didn't say anything — instead, she placed her trembling, cold hands on the nape of your neck and pressed a kiss to your temple, as if sealing a fragile promise.

you hummed in contentment, forgetting about the uncanny conversation you both had as you snuggled closer to her, taking in her scent of cheap cologne and cedarwood, before quietly drifting to sleep.

unbeknownst to your conscious mind, sae-byeok was quietly shuddering and sobbing while cradling you tight. afraid you'd slip away. tears streamed down her constellated cheeks. leaving wet, sloppy kisses on your skin and lips.

with the final gentle peck on the tip of your nose, she slipped away from your loving grasp.

she stepped into the night— into the arms of fate, never to return.

june 21, 2021.

the bright sunlight seeped through the cracks of your blinds, a gentle cascade of gold that pooled on to your messy bed.

you squinted and scratched your eyes at the harsh light, feeling around the covers for your reading glasses. putting them on once you find the pair of spectacles. your under-eyes were painted black, the aftermath of crying the night before, your eyebags told their own story of a broken heart.

oh,

another day.

you thought to yourself.

you turned over to your bedside table, trying to make sense of the neon numbers that flickered on your alarm clock

11.55...

you didn't feel like getting up. there was nothing left to look forward to in life after the disappearance of your one true love. the vibrant colors of life had dulled to a muted grey, just like the hollow ache that filled your chest ever since she walked away, leaving nothing but a lonely apartment and the ghost of her prescence.

but seong gi-hun had other plans.

buzz. buzz. buzz.

he repeatedly pushed the doorbell in front of the door of your apartment with such urgency that not even a normal person would have.

you groaned at the repeated hum of the apartment doorbell, letting out a bitter laugh as you buried your head further into your pillowcase.

"alright.. i'm coming.. i'm coming!" you yelled out from your wrecked bedroom, the hem of your pearlescent night gown caught on the edge of your bed, tugging at you, pulling you back to the reality you didn’t want to face. you groggily shook the loose string off before shuffling your way to the front door.

you swung open the front door to be greeted with an ill looking uncle with an awful red-dye job standing awkwardly with his finger still hovering over the doorbell, as if caught in the act of interrupting your solitude.

"can i help you?" your small hoarse voice rang through the silence. you took notice of your messy hair, running a hand through it trying to smooth it down, but it was hopeless.

"oh.. oh, yeah. are you.." he stammered, glancing down at a crumpled piece of grid paper in his hand. "(y/n)?" the red haired man murmured.

you nodded hesitantly, stomach twisting with an unease you couldn’t place. "yeah. yeah that's me, what is this about?" you tapped your foot rhythmically on the floorboard of your entrance, looking rather agitated and impatient.

"i'm.. seong gi-hun." the man gulped, a pitiful look shined in his eyes. "we need to talk about.. your girlfriend, kang sae-byeok?"

you felt your world crumbling down on you at sound of her name.

the name that used to taste oh, so sweet at the tip of your tongue now felt like an anchor, dragging you under the weight of memories you weren’t ready to face.

sae-byeok? kang sae-byeok. your kang sae-byeok?

what happened to her? how did this man know who you are? how did he find you?

a million different questions stormed your mind as you disassociate yourself from the conversation. all you could do was stare. frozen.

before you knew it, you were seated on the couch, the same one she had left you on that one fateful night.

"she's.. dead. (y/n).."

no.

the weight of his words pressed against your chest. stealing the breath from your lungs. you curled your fingers into fists, knuckles turning white, your long nails digging to the skin of your palms.

"no.. that's- no you're wrong." you let out a shaky breath. "not my sae-byeok. definitely not my sae-byeok. she's not dead.." your voice cracked.

you saw the look in his eyes, a raw emotion radiating from them. the hard, cold news that laid on top of your chest? they punched through, leaving hollow mark on your body.

the absurdity of it all made you bubble up a wild, manic laugh. not long after, a loud sob wracked your body, sudden and violent.

"i-i'm sorry (y/n), i tried my best to save her.. but someone else had already gotten to her first."

you didn't pay attention to gi-hun's words or explanation of the 'games' that they were forced to play for an unbelievable sum of money. your fingers twitched at your sides, grasping at nothing, searching for something—someone—to hold onto. you held onto a piece of her, but all that remained was emptiness.

"she.. she almost made it to the final game, she fought her hardest! she really did. but.. she succumbed to her injuries."

"sae-byeok died in my arms. her final breath whispered your name. she begged me to cling to life, so that in my survival, you might find the closure she longed for.”

a scream built up in your throat, you shook your head frantically at each word that came out of the man.

"why?" you choked, your lips quivering with such intensity. "why.. why didn't she tell me? i would've been by her side."

fat tears started to roll down your face as you sunk into the sofa, "why didn't she tell me she was struggling?"

your cries punctured through gi-hun's heart, emotions welled up inside him.

"i'm sorry.. i'm truly sorry.." he shut his eyes closed, surpressing his tears.

you buried your face in your hands, gi-hun ushered himself by your side, patting your back. as if offering a sliver of comfort in a sea of grief.

sae-byeok..

sae..

her name echoed through your mind, your brain's hard drive overloading with the thought of her.

did she feel alone in her last moments?

did she felt upset? fear? as she slipped into her death?

did she know she’d never see me again?

where did they put her body?

i should've paid more attention to her!

sae-byeok, i'm sorry..

oh cheol.. how am i going to break the news to him?

i'm never gonna see her again! your thoughts wailed

you kept scolding yourself burying your face deeper into your heavy palms. trying to hide from the world.

the world that kept spinning, even after her death.

clink.

you uncovered your face at the sound of a light clink that snapped you out of your spiral.

a gold, antique key presented in front of you by mr. gi-hun.

you looked up at the man, he seemed to be getting ready to leave.

"sae-byeok, she.. she slipped this in the pocket of my tux." gi-hun mumbled.

"she said it opened a chest, somewhere.. somewhere in her study desk."

your heart skipped a beat.

the chest.

it was a medium-sized storage chest that sae-byeok had thrifted a few years back, collecting dust on top of her study desk. it's exterior was wood, now darkened with age, etched with delicate cracks like the veins of an autumn leaf.

gi-hun was already long gone when you finally found the strength to stand on your legs and move towards the chest.

you inserted the icy-cold key into the keyhole, using a hundred percent of your body strength that is left in you, to turn the key and make it creak open. particles of dust flew in the air surrounding you. you hack and cough at the soot.

inside, there laid a black, hard-covered journal that was about 500 pages thick and loose pieces of parchment that you had never seen before.

you traced the journal with such care, as you unlatch the magnet of the book. suspense building up inside of your chest as you are met with the first page.

a knot tightening in your chest.

'kang sae-byeok' written in a familiar, cursive handwriting. your heart ached.

i can't do this, you thought to yourself.

the tears welled up again.

the urge to cry out her name deepens in you. you whimpered at the sight of her messy handwriting. you missed her so much.

you shook off your tears. reaching to flip over to the first entry.

january 3rd, 2019.

the gears on your mind turned, as you try to remember the significance of that date to sae-byeok.

your breath hitched in realization, a wave of emotions engulfed you.

"oh, sae.."

january 3, 2019.

entry #1 —

she is going to be a problem.

an awfully loud girl waltzed in to the café today. dressed head to toe in clothes that i would never be caught dead in. her friends stuck by her side like lost, blind puppies.

she ordered chamomile tea with cinnamon ginger biscuit on the side.

despite my silence, despite the way I barely looked up— she spoke to me.

she spoke to me?

i did not want to talk to her.

her eyes crinkles when she smiled, lips curling in a knowing laugh, as if she saw through me, as if she found me amusing.

her friends shared silent laughs and snickers behind her, but she didn’t pay attention too much.

i despise the way she acts.

"oh my, are those freckles real..? they're so pretty!" you admired the starry speckles that painted her cheeks. your words too gentle.

sae-byeok was unmoved, untouched.

an embarrassed, hardened expression crept up her face.

january 5, 2019.

entry #2 —

she came back again, the loud girl.

but this time, she was alone— quieter, more restrained, a shadow of the girl from before.

from what i've observed, i guess she was just putting on a facade in front of her friends. to.. impress them?

i mean i get it.. kind of.

she still annoys me though.

while i was taking her usual order, she gave me her name.

"(y/n)" you said softly, your fingers brushed the warm cafe counter.

sae-byeok looked at you, confusion evident in her expression.

"what?"

"my name.." you started, playing with your fingers, twisting and turning them. "..is (y/n)

"oh.." sae-byeok mumbled, her reaction was underwhelming. "pretty." she added, struggling to find the right words.

sae-byeok's face turned tomato red.

she facepalmed herself. what was she thinking? pretty? that's too straightforward.

"sae-byeok" the tall girl mustered up a courage to give her name in exchange, wishing you’d wipe the grin off your face.

"wow.." you sigh. "..pretty!" you mimicked the girl's reply.

the heat that built up in sae-byeok's chest threatened to explode, but she held back.

january 15, 2019.

entry #9 —

(y/n) visited the café again today.

the past few times, she had only stopped by for takeaway, her presence fleeting like a passing breeze.

i never spoke to her, only watched from a quiet distance.

she's not all that bad after all, i guess. actually, we had some things in common.

she was studying psychology at a nearby university, and had started her 1st semester.

if money didn’t hold me back, i'd be studying psychology by this time too.

she was my age — 18 years old.

it was rare to have someone my age around. my days were filled with the company of middle-aged men and kind old aunties, their lives so far removed from my own. but then, there was her.

every time she smiles and the sun reflects her eyes, the way her hair flows like a cascade of silk as she throws her head back in laughter, or whenever she places her delicate, polished hands on my forearm in agreement —just for a second—I feel something stir deep within me.

..it does something to me.

something i've never felt before.

i can't shake it off.

do-hee, my co-worker, said that it was blatant flirting. but i dismissed her.

me? the subject of someone’s interest?

yeah right.

she is a mystery to me, an unraveling poem—every glance, every gesture, a verse waiting to be discovered.

i need to get to know her.

i hope she comes back tomorrow.

"are you saying you've never watched train to busan?" you laughed, appalled at the tall girl's answer.

she shrugged, "well.. yeah.. do i have to?"

"oh, absolutely sae. be prepared with tissue boxes though. it's not going to look pretty."

"s-sae..?"

"yeah! a new nickname for you.. you don't like it..?"

"no.. no. i'm okay with it." sae-byeok gave you a faltering smile. but you caught the flicker of uncertainty before it faded away.

january 21, 2019.

entry #15 —

i spent my lunch break with her today.

she stumbled into the café again in the late afternoon, the familiar chime of the door announcing her arrival.

i had her order memorized.

before she came in, it was already typed out on the register.

she opened up about herself, how she was struggling to pay her college tuition, all the while taking care of her sick mother.

and i might've opened up to her too..

i told her about cheol, mom.

somehow, in the quiet exchange of burdens, we found an understanding of each other.

and it made me.. glad?

whenever she'd nod her head, offering soft words of comfort.. i feel as if it’s like hearing your own heartbeat mirrored in another's, like a quiet confirmation that you're maybe, not alone in the world.

i thought i'd hate spending time with someone like her, but these past few weeks? they've been some of the best of my life.

was it because of her..? maybe.

screw it. i'm going to bed.

"i get it." sae-byeoks words shook your core, she was usually the listener in the conversation. but this time, she opened up. you the best you can and listened to her

"i.. im a north korean defector," she whispered. waiting for your reaction.

she braced herself. she expected you to laugh at her, or be scared of her, maybe say how miserable of a person she is, for anything that might confirm what she had always believed—that she was unworthy of kindness.

but no, you sat there. silently listening, you pursed your lips into a thin line, encouraging her to continue.

sae-byeok’s heart swelled.

"and i didnt defect alone.. my brother, cheol. he escaped with me. this past year i've been trying my hardest to earn and save up for money to pay for a broker for my mom. she's still in the north." she explained, she shifted in her seat. her eyes focused on the swishing of coffee in her porcelain mug.

"oh, sae-byeok. i'm so sorry. i didn't know you were going through all of that." your lips curled into a frown.

"you have me by your side, so.. if you need anything.. don't hesitate to call me. yeah?" you assured her sweetly.

sae-byeok's tough exterior melted away.

she looked up at you. a new expression found in her eyes. hope.

no one has ever been this gentle, this kind to her in her life. you were something to sae-byeok alright. that day she was sure of it.

your words held so much affection towards her and she felt full of love and care by you.

your words filled her with something she had rarely known—love.

but with love came fear.

getting close to you meant risking everything. What if she dragged you down with her?

she didn't want you to be with someone who's a criminal, a pickpocketer like herself.

she didn't want to disappoint to you. so she held back.

"little brother you say?"

sae-byeok nodded her head ever so gently.

"can i meet him?"

february 3, 2019.

entry #27 —

i'm taking her to meet my brother today.

as I mentioned before, she’s been coming to the café more often. my lunch breaks have become a quiet routine with her by my side, her books spread across the table, the soft scratch of her pen filling the silence between us.

spending 4 weeks of work with her.. it felt more natural and enjoyable.

even my co-workers ask about her, but i bitterly shrug them off like i usually do.

i guess they took notice the effect she had on me. how whenever she talks, i reply with a gentleness that is rare.

i said that i wouldn't want her to be close with someone like me,

but i think i don't care anymore.

not after what happened today.

"cheol-ah, this is my friend, (name)." sae-byeok introduced you to her little brother. she snaked her hand into the small of your back, gently pushing you towards the boy who was staring up at you.

"hi, cheol!" you greeted the boy. warmness in your voice.

cheol looked hesitant to answer, but he manage to squeak out a little 'hi' before running to sae-byeok's side.

"come on cheol don't be rude." sae-byeok pestered.

you were quick to think : "hey, i heard you liked coloring, cheol." you kneeled beside him reaching for your tote bag.

the boy nodded and peeked curiously at what you were scouring for in your bag.

you revealed a set of acrylic markers,all the colors of the rainbow, neatly arranged.

cheol's eyes brightened in excitement. "wow!"

"would you like to draw with me cheol?" you asked, voice full of hope.

"yeah!" cheol nodded, basically leaving sae-byeok's side to join yours. ugging you towards a low table scattered with drawing paper.

sae-byeok was surprised to see how open cheol was to you. she decided she would just observe from afar from today.

to sae-byeok, watching you and cheol together felt like witnessing a quiet, simple magic unfold.

the way you patiently guide his hands to draw shapes and doodles, the way you laughed at cheol's little jokes, your smiles mirroring each other, how you both share the same expression of seriousness while coloring in your finished sketches.

it was pure, unhurried—a bond forming over the simple joy of drawing.

it pulled on sae-byeok's heartstrings. the room felt warmer, softer, as the colors on the paper grew brighter. that day, she put on her most genuine smile ever, watching as the bond between you and cheol deepened.

and so does sae-byeok's love does for you.

february 6, 2019.

entry #29—

i did it.

i asked her out for dinner.

i can't believe i did it. i never thought i'd be after someone like her.

every day feels lighter knowing she might walk through the café doors at any moment.

that she’ll sit across from me, books spread out, coffee in hand, offering me fleeting glances that leave my heart a little less steady from the work stress.

i want to tell her that, but something is holding me back.

i asked her out to the diner just down the block, the one with the tall milkshakes and the warm glow of neon lights.

and she said yes.

i think i convulsed in my seat after her response because everything was a haze after that. my ears are still ringing.

i don't know why i feel like this. i'm not used to feeling affectionate towards somebody like i feel for her. it’s unfamiliar, uncharted territory.

someone help me figure this out.

"hey.." sae-byeok’s voice wavered, the crack in it betraying her nerves., earning a quiet giggle from you.

"yeah, sae?"

oh, she was doomed.

she ran her calloused hands through her hair, obviously nervous.

"would you like to have dinner with me? tomorrow? at haneul's diner down the street?"

"dinner?" you repeated with a toothy grin, "sae, i'd love to!"

let's just say she got off work all giddy that day.

february 7, 2019.

entry #30 —

today was amazing.

i know it sounds cheesy, but it was everything that i could've hoped and dreamed for.

i'm so infatuated and lovesick by her.

there i admit it.

dinner was great, she was very.. touchy, tonight.

i like it.

we took our first photo together at the 1,000 won photobooth outside the diner.

and i kissed her on the cheek.

for the photo obviously.

sjbkhdjklfjekjwldskjkjdfljk

"mmh, sae the burgers here are so good! how come you never told me about this place." you groaned into the smash burger, savoring the taste. "and it's cheap too!?"

"i guess i've been hiding it from you for this exact moment." she smiled sheepishly, rubbing the nape of her neck.

a blush crept up your face.

everything that came out of sae-byeok's mouth, it was special to you. even if it sometimes come out as ridiculous. she made you feel special, wanted.

you both sat back in the plush bright red sofa as you finished your meals, enjoying each others company.

"i like this.. we should do this more often." you suggested, discreetly twriling a strand of hair on your finger.

sae-byeok nodded, her second ever genuine smile made an appearance, "yeah, we should."

you averted your gaze to the outside world, it was a perfect night, quiet and comfortable.

that's when you spot a photobooth right across the street from the diner. your eyes lit up.

"hm? what's wrong?" sae-byeok place her head on her hands, following your gaze. her eyebrows furrowing at the sight of the tiny, crammed photobooth.

"sae, let's do it." you took her hands rubbing your thumb gently on her knuckles as you try to persuade her. "pleaasee?"

she let out a soft sigh, but sae-byeok did not resist.

here you guys are, crammed into a tiny photobooth on a cold night. you perched on sae-byeok's lap, feeling the denim of her jeans scratch at your stockings.

"does this even work? you've been trying to figure the machine out for like what? 2 minutes?" sae-byeok squinted at the screen, unimpressed. not getting the schematics of the photobooth.

nervous energy buzzed through her. you could feel it in the way her leg bounced beneath you, the way her hands fidgeted against your sides. she was basically suffocating at the tight space.

"sae, c'mon stop it! i'm sure it does work.." you stuck your tongue out in concentration as you insert 1000 won into the money slot.

both of your bodies jolt up as you realized a countdown was starting.

"ooh, quick! pose!" you squealed. you pressed your temple against sae-byeok's and stuck your hands up in a peace sign.

sae-byeok was at a lost for words due to the close proximity, but she managed to hold up a similar, weaker version of your pose.

snap!

you tried to think of a new pose, before placing your peace sign behind sae-byeok's head into bunny ears and sticking your tongue out, her fluffy short hair tickling your hand as she looked at you in disbelief.

snap!

sae-byeok's eye softened at your playful expression. looking at how much you were enjoying taking photos with her.. you looked too cute for her tiny heart to handle!

a bold plan brewed in her mind

"ugh, what else.." you mumbled to yourself. deep in thought. as you try to remember what poses your friends would use in their cute instagram posts.

with a swift motion, sae-byeok cupped your cheek with her cold, left hand. and kissed your cheeks sweetly, squishing your faces together. just in time before the camera snaps. capturing your face in shock as she made an exaggerated 'smooch!' noise.

snap!

the ghost of sae-byeok's kiss lingered on your cheek. you brought your fingers up to your cheeks, still in disbelief.

"cat got your tongue, hm? c'mon pose for the last picture." sae-byeok teased casually, her eyes bore on you.

how could she say things like that without fully breaking down at the seams? you wondered.

you gave her a weak, tight-lipped smile before composing yourself.

you shifted in sae-byeok's lap turning your back towards the exit, you reached to cup her face in your warm hands.

sae-byeok melted at the touch, puffing out her cheeks while looking at you lovingly.

"cheese!" you cheered with a big grin on your face for the last picture.

you both stumbled out of the booth, hands still tingling, waiting in flustered silence for the photos to print.

the photos popped out of the machine, revealing two strips of black and white polaroids of you both.

"they're perfect!" you cried out, admiring the cute poses and faces you both shared.

"yeah, they are.." sae-byeok sighed, also admiring the photos, contentment washing over her.

first date with you? accomplished.

april 2, 2019.

entry #51—

i have been told all my life that love would never find its way to me,

and i've realized that it was a lie.

because love did find me in my lowest moment, in a form of an adorable kind-hearted psych major i once swore I couldn’t stand.

my days have been fuller —

full of her loving texts lighting up my phone in the morning,

my lunch breaks spent either visiting her campus or her visiting the café to talk about everything and nothing at the same time.

our little dates where we did everything that i wanted to do in my youth but didn't have the time for before.

she softened me in ways I didn’t think possible.

because of her, I started speaking easier, trusting a little more.

because she gave me the hope in humanity that was long gone as soon as i stepped into the real world.

she reminded me that maybe—just maybe—the world wasn’t all bad.

i even gave up pickpocketing for her after we had an argument about how it'd affect my future, how it made her upset. her eyes filled with heartbreak.

she cares about me, and i care for her.

her eyes, nose, lips, hair. all of her

she's the vitamin i had never known i needed. i crave to spend time with her each and every day.

today, i'm going to make her mine.

you stepped out of your lecture, exhausted. the weight of the world on your back.

you sighed at the outside world, you usually loved the rain. but today, of all days, did it really have to pour? and on the day you forgot your umbrella?

you sent a quick text to sae-byeok to let her know you've finished school for the day.

chamomile girl ♡ : sae! ^__^ just finished school! chamomile girl ♡ : i'm about to head home.. it's raining outside so i think i'll run to the nearest bus stop!! forgot my umbrella hehe~ chamomile girl ♡ : i'll visit you tonight at the cafe during nearing your closing hours so we could hang out more :3c

my pers♡nal barista : sounds great. :)

you smiled at your phone, tucking it away shortly after you received a text back as you made your way down flights of stairs of your faculty building.

you prepared your tote bag, taking it off to use it as protection from the rain. the soles of your platforms squelching on the now wet entrance of the building before you stopped in your tracks, a small gasp left your lips.

"sae..?"

the short-haired girl stood in front of you, a wide umbrella protecting her from the rain. she was still in her uniform, smiling at you.

you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion but you stepped closer to her. both of you now sheltered under the umbrella.

"hi." she whispered just enough so you could hear it through the sound of trickling rain.

you giggled at her actions, poking at her sides. "hey you!.. what're you doing here?"

"to take you home, obviously." she shoved her left hand into her pockets. "i'm not going to let you get sick from the rain"

your heart exploded with immense love and gratitude. you wanted to say a million things. a million ways to tell her how much this meant, how much she meant.

"now come on, let's get you home." she ushered you to the exit of your campus. her hands wrapped around you.

safe. that's what you felt every time you were with sae-byeok. under sae-byeok’s care, the cold barely reached you.

you had such intense feelings towards the north-korean.

you couldn't keep it in any longer.

the two of you walked in step along the bridge, the city lights flickering in the distance, the rain creating a soft melody around you.

the bridge lead to a more secluded neighborhood, where your apartment was.

you sneaked glances at the tall girl from time to time but every time you'd look, she was already looking at you.

"hm? what's on your mind sae?"

she stopped abruptly, you were startled by this, stumbling into a halt. she took your recently manicured hands in her rough ones.

she takes a deep breath, closing her eyes.

"i like you."

"huh?"

"no, i love you." she corrected herself, swallowing hard. "(y/n), i love you."

"with all my heart. i don't know where i realized that i love you, maybe in our quiet moments or in the middle of our dates full of laughter—but somewhere along the way, you became my favorite part of the day."

you stared at awe at her. is this real life?

"at first i didn't really take interest of you.. then after some time i felt as if it was simple admiration, but now i realized that deep down in my heart, i want to be with you."

the world stilled.

"sae.. i don't know what to say.."

she chuckled nervously, "you don't have to say anything.. i just need you to say yes or no."

your heart thumped harder in the walls of you chest, is this going where i think it is? you thought to yourself.

"can i be your girlfriend?" sae-byeok sputtered out, her body tensing up.

a matching pink flush crept onto both of your faces.

you took a moment to register the question, your ears rang before fusing with the sound of rain falling and hitting the ground.

"finally," you giggled. your laughter was light and it felt like a sweet relief to sae-byeok.

"yes, sae. i'd love you to be my girlfriend."

"r-really?" she stammered. "you do?"

you nodded, snorting all the while giggling at her child-like response.

in the midst of the sound of your voice echoing through the open bridge. you heard a loud sob coming from the tall girl towering in front of you.

your laughter faded as you looked up at her in shock. your eyes widened at the rare sight of sae-byeok crying.

"oh no, baby.. what's wrong?" you cooed, quickly shuffling to her side, you tiptoed and reached for her face, wiping away her tears.

sae-byeok threw her head back, as she tried to shake away her tears. "i..i'm sorry." she sniffled, "i'm just so glad you're my girlfriend now."

you stiffled a gasp at her confession, you chest ached. "aw you're so cute when you're all sappy!"

"shut up!" she whined, her low voice rumbling.

her grip on the umbrella faltered, overwhelmed by emotion. so she placed her head on the nook of your shoulders, leaning her full body weight onto you.

you stumbled at the change of position, quickly wrapping your hands around her torso, hugging her.

"thank you. thank you for giving a chance.." she whispered into your neck, making you shiver.

you weren't used to this vulnerable side of sae-byeok. you loved that you brought a new, better version of her.

without a word, you simply held her tighter, running soothing circles along her back, silently vowing to give her all the love she had ever been denied.

your hands slapped over your mouth, your whole body trembled violently, like a fragile leaf caught in a storm.

you could taste your salty tears run down your plump lips as your teeth chattered.

your heart was chipping apart piece by piece the more you read the journal. your fragile heart couldn't bear the weight of reality anymore.

your lover,

the one you thought you'd spend your whole life with.

gone.

and this was all that is left of her..

sae-byeok..

why did she have to leave..?

she was all you had ever since your mother passed away.

she was the only person you clung to in this cruel world.

now you had to face the rest of your life without her.

you decided to not continue reading. saving the remaining pages to lull to into sleep every night.

every day, you read one entry each night. reminiscing the past, daydreaming yourself into the story told on the parchment. whilst imagining the ghost of the love of your life, holding you tight as you cried between the pages.

you neared the end of the journal, until one day you reached..

the last entry from sae-byeok.

but it can't be? the book still had pages left on it, clean, unscathed.

and then you remembered.

oh..

you felt your bones crumbling, your eyes weakened at the date that was messily scratched unto the journal.

june 8, 2021.

entry #563

an entry from the day before she left your life forever.

june 8, 2021.

entry #563—

i don't know how i'm supposed to tell her.

i don't know how i'm supposed to tell her that a man in a ridiculous tight tuxedo went up to me offering money for a game of ddakji a few days ago as i left the station

she would laugh at my face.

she would also laugh at the fact that the man gave his business card, saying that if i called that number, i would be able to play games for money.

honestly it was an absurd claim. but i decided to test it.

they picked me up in the hush of night & drugged me.

i woke up in a sterile, windowless place—crowded with greasy, clueless, no-lifers. and among them, i saw a ghost from my past.

deok-su.

out of all the places i could find him in, it was in that sterile debt jungle.

I took a hard hit from fate that day, but I got up, because I had to.

i was here for her.

i was here for you.

i wanted to pay off all of your debts, college tuition, spoil you endlessly with a shower of gifts.

my debts was also part of the reason why i joined. but darling, nothing could beat seeing you smile.

the first game was red light, green light.

a game that decorated my childhood in the north.

i tried my best to stay calm and collected. but then the worse happened.

a blaring shot ran through and echoed the arena.

an obnoxious, loud, blonde haired man. shot dead. his blood spilling over the sandy ground.

that was the first time in my life i had ever felt true, raw, fear.

fear of leaving you behind in this cruel world without saying goodbye. fear of not being able to touch, hold, or kiss you anymore. fear of your hands reaching for me in the dark, only to find nothing.

deep inside i was instantly regretting my decision but i prayed hard.

i prayed so i could make it out alive.

and my prayers, they were answered.

they sent us home after hearing our protest, cries, pleading. how it was absurd to keep them in such a place like this. a bloodbath.

this morning, i get to come home into your arms again, i was able to throw myself into your arms, to feel the warmth of your body against mine, to hear your voice —even if it was yelling at me for three straight hours.

i didn't care. i just care that you were there.

but i was still unsatisfied.

i couldn't shake the memory of the first thing i saw as i barged into our shared apartment after coming home from the games this morning.

the love of my life,

you..

you were crying

you drowned yourself in tears before your debts did. i felt guilty not giving you the life that you deserve.

remember how the game master let us come home?

we were also given a chance to join back the games.

so i've decided that i'm going to win the games for you.

bring back a heart-stopping amount of money. to pay off your debts, give you everything the world has to offer.

with 45.6 billion won, i could build us a home. i could bring cheol into a life where he never has to go hungry again. i could see my mother again. i could create the small, quiet, beautiful family we always dreamed of.

but if I don’t make it back—

if you made it to this page and it finds you instead of me..

i need you to know that I’m sorry.

i’m sorry I was too weak to find another way.

i'm sorry i couldn't let go of my past, truly, my stubbornness never left.

i’m sorry for every night you’ll spend alone, wondering if I made the right choice, wondering if it was all your fault, which it wasn't.

i’m sorry that i won’t be there to kiss away your tears when you read this. i'm sorry that i won't be able to touch you anymore.

all i wish for you, my beloved is

to live.

live the life you've dreamt of.

you've always wanted to raise kids, so my last wish is for you to raise cheol for me.

i see how much you love him. how much you wished you could sing him lullabies, read him stories to sleep, have him by your side. so every time you look at him, you'd think of me.

marry someone who sees the good in you even in a sea of imperfect.

marry someone who would stay with you even if the whole world was against you.

who'd protect you, love you, cherish you like i did.

just please, don't forget about me.

but if i do make it back—if fate is kinder to me this time—

i’ll tell you all of this myself.

i pray my last moments are spent replaying all the memories i had with you. so i could die with a heart full of love and a smile on my face.

i love you lots and lots like jelly tots.

your personal barista,

kang sae-byeok.

ending notes : hope you guys enjoyed this! almost cried tbh.. should i make a pt.2 happy ending where she comes back but as a guard?

#✦ . 🦑 dani's squid games ⊹　 ❜ !#kang sae byeok #kang sae byeok x reader #kang sae-byeok #kang sae-byeok x reader #sae byeok x reader #sae byeok #sae-byeok x reader #squid games #squid games x reader #squid game fanfic #squid game #squid games s2 #player 067 #player 067 x reader #067

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tinytinyblogs · 3 months ago

Note

Aaaa sorry 😱 then for the last request, instead of cheating then they *think* the reader is cheating on them but it's their own paranoia? And how they apologize the reader when find out the truth if possible!

It’s not how I think it is, right?

Yandere Skz paranoia drives them to ensure, in their own way, that you’ll never leave them.

Hyung line, Maknae line

Stray kids masterlist

Your insights and reactions make these posts come alive. Love reblogs, comments, and all the good vibes welcome ✨

Chan

Paranoia consumed him more and more each day, gnawing at his mind until every thought spiraled into fear. He thought too much, overanalyzing every situation, convinced that his world would collapse if he ever lost you. What began as mild overthinking soon grew into deep anxiety, and from there, into wild accusations. Chan’s grip on your hand tightened, his fingers digging into your skin with such force it felt like he might break them. His eyes, bloodshot and wide with panic, betrayed the depth of his inner turmoil. His breathing grew ragged and uneven, and no matter how much you tried to explain, your words fell on deaf ears. He barely heard you, so wrapped up in his own spiraling fears. Anger blazed in his eyes, making him seem larger, more dangerous, and you could feel the power in his grasp—how insignificant you were in comparison. The tears streamed down your face, your quiet sobs filling the room as fear settled deep in your chest. "I told you, you are mine!" he bellowed, his voice booming and harsh.

The force of his words made you flinch, and in that moment, you realized just how powerless you were beneath the weight of his obsession. "And anyone who dares to take you away…" Chan’s voice wavered, anger and unshed tears burning in his eyes as he stared at you, fragile and cornered on the floor. "If you're with someone else…" His words faltered, swallowed by the storm of rage and imagined betrayals in his mind. His fists clenched, trembling with barely contained fury. "I swear, I’ll make you—and them—regret it." His voice dripped with venom, his jealousy threatening to consume you both. After the storm of his anger had passed, you were left locked in your room, the silence almost as heavy as the tension that lingered. When the door finally opened, Chan stepped inside quietly, his movements slow, the rage that once consumed him now gone. He sat on the edge of the bed, visibly drained, his voice low and almost trembling. "I’m just scared," he began, his eyes searching yours, but finding only fear—fear that he had caused.

"Losing you… that’s my biggest fear," he continued, his words soft but filled with desperation. "I don’t care about anything else—nothing else matters to me. Not the money, not the success. Just not you." His eyes were pleading, his vulnerability stark. "I love you so much, it hurts." His voice cracked, and for a moment, he seemed on the verge of breaking. He scanned your face again, but the fear still lingered in your gaze, a reminder of the damage his obsession had done. His confession was full of regret, but also a chilling reminder of the intensity of his obsession. Even as he spoke of love, the desperation in his words revealed how tightly he clung to the idea of keeping you, no matter the cost. Yet, despite all that had happened, despite the fear you still felt, there was something heartbreaking in his vulnerability. For a moment, he was not the angry man who had lost control, but someone terrified of being abandoned, consumed by a love that had turned into something suffocating. "Please forgive me."

Minho

The moment Minho's behavior started to change, you could feel something was off. It wasn’t just his usual brooding or moments of silence that came from him being lost in thought. This was different, darker. He grew unusually quiet, his eyes sharp and glaring, as if constantly battling something in his mind. You could see the wheels turning in his head, overthinking every little detail, but it was more than that—his entire demeanor shifted. What started as silent withdrawal soon turned into something more aggressive. He became harsh, his actions no longer gentle or restrained. Without warning, he snatched your phone from your hand, his grip on it tight as if the device itself held some dark secret he needed to uncover. His grip on your wrist grew harder, the pressure making you wince, but he didn’t seem to notice—or didn’t care. The tension in the room thickened, and you knew something had snapped inside him. He began questioning everyone around him, paranoia creeping into his voice. "Look at me," he demanded, his tone sharp, his eyes dark and burning with suspicion.

"Tell me who he is." His voice was low but laced with an edge that sent shivers down your spine. He wasn't just asking; he was accusing, as if he already believed the worst. Then, without warning, he grabbed your chin, forcing you to meet his gaze. His fingers dug into your skin, and his eyes bore into yours, searching for answers in your expression, something to confirm his darkest fears. The intensity of his stare was suffocating, as if he could see straight into your soul, peeling back every layer to uncover whatever he imagined was hidden there. There was no escape from the weight of his suspicion, his paranoia wrapped around you like a vise, tightening with every second. But he listened to your words, barely holding onto control, his emotions teetering on the edge. You could see him trying, struggling to rein in the storm inside him. Then, without warning, he pulled you into a fierce, aggressive kiss, the force of it catching you off guard. His grip tightened, his need for reassurance almost desperate. "Tell me again," he breathed against your lips, his voice raw and demanding, "that I’m the only person you need."

His eyes burned with intensity, searching for the comfort he craved in your response, as if your words alone could silence the turmoil inside him. As the words he demanded slipped from your mouth, you could feel the tension in his body ease just slightly. His grip loosened, and he rested his forehead gently against yours, his breath still a little shaky but calmer now. "I believe you," he murmured, his voice low, laced with a quiet intensity. "So you better remember." His hand settled firmly on your waist, holding you close as if reaffirming his claim. "No one," he said, his tone possessive but softer now, "could ever have you but me." His words lingered between you, a mix of a promise and a warning, as his eyes locked with yours, making sure you understood every bit of what he meant. His thumb traced slow circles on the back of your hand, a subtle yet possessive gesture. "You know," he said quietly, his voice carrying a hint of warning, "it wouldn’t be fun if I found out there was someone else between us, right?" His eyes held yours, the underlying threat clear despite the calmness in his tone.

Changbin

Changbin’s fury erupted like a storm, a chaotic energy filling the room that made it impossible to breathe. His fist collided with the wall, the sound of the impact reverberating through the space, but he didn’t even flinch at the pain. Blood began to streak down his knuckles, but his rage made him numb to everything except the fire inside him. His eyes, dark and intense, were wild with a mixture of anger and deep-rooted insecurities as he zeroed in on you. You sat on the cold floor, tucked into the corner, desperately curling into yourself as if trying to disappear, hugging your knees tightly, your body trembling. You could feel his presence looming over you, suffocating, every breath you took heavy with fear. His eyes, once so familiar and warm, now felt like daggers piercing through you. He took a step closer, his towering figure casting a shadow over your trembling form, making the small space between you feel like it was closing in. "Tell me," he growled, his voice low but sharp, filled with barely restrained rage. "Who is it?" His tone was cold, dangerous, nothing like the gentle voice you were used to hearing.

The room was filled with a tense silence, broken only by your shaky breaths. He crouched down slightly, just enough so you could see the full weight of his expression, his jaw clenched tightly, his gaze unwavering. "Who the hell dares to make you smile?" His words were laced with venom, the accusation hanging heavy in the air. His entire demeanor screamed danger, and you could feel your pulse quickening, unsure of how to respond to this side of him you’d never seen before. After doing your best to explain that you hadn’t done what he thought, you could see the shift in Changbin’s demeanor. The rage that had consumed him began to fade, though not instantly. His chest still heaved with heavy breaths, but he stepped back from you, distancing himself. Slowly, he moved to the bed, sinking down onto the edge. His elbows rested on his knees as he ran a hand through his hair in frustration, sighing deeply. Minutes passed before he finally rose again and walked over to where you were still curled up on the floor. He lowered himself down, sitting beside you, though this time there was no anger in his movements, just quiet remorse.

"I let my emotions get the best of me," he began, his voice hushed, a stark contrast to the storm you’d witnessed moments ago. "I was overwhelmed. The thought of you being with someone else… it felt like torture. It consumed me." His words were raw, laced with vulnerability, and his gaze flickered toward the floor as if ashamed of his earlier outburst. Then, slowly, he turned to face you, his eyes softer, filled with regret. "Thank you for explaining," he said quietly, his voice full of sincerity, "and… I'm really sorry for doubting you." He searched your face, as if wanting to find something there that reassured him you understood, that you weren’t going to pull away. His fingers twitched slightly, like he wanted to reach out but wasn’t sure if he should. His eyes traced the details of your face, lingering on every curve and feature as if he was seeing you in a new light. There was a tenderness in his expression now that was missing before. "Remember," he said softly, his voice almost a whisper, "you are mine… and always will be." He spoke with a hint of possessiveness in his voice, just enough to send a chill down your spine.

Hyunjin

He accused you with almost no evidence, just a small smile that he had blown out of proportion. It was dramatic, the way his mood shifted, seeing something so innocent but interpreting it as something much darker. That smile—meant for no one in particular—had somehow become a symbol of his insecurity. To him, it was everything. Before you could react, Hyunjin shoved you roughly against the wall, trapping you between his arms. His body loomed over you, his hands pressed against the surface on either side of your head, leaving you no room to escape. His eyes, once warm, were now clouded with a raw intensity, his expression twisted with something that looked like betrayal. You blinked, confused, trying to process the sudden shift, but nothing made sense. The look on his face was one of deep hurt, though you had no idea why. You searched his eyes for some kind of explanation, but all you saw was anger and confusion. "Why?" his voice almost cracked, though he hadn’t said anything yet. The weight of his accusation hung in the air, heavy and suffocating, even though you didn’t understand where it had come from.

It felt like he was seeing something that wasn’t really there. "Aren't you supposed to love me?" he asked, his voice trembling with uncertainty as he searched your eyes for any sign of affirmation. His gaze felt almost piercing, as if he was trying to read your very soul. "You should be looking at me only!" The sudden rise in his voice startled you, echoing off the walls with a mix of frustration and desperation. In one swift motion, he pulled you into a tight hug, his arms wrapping around you with an intensity that was both comforting and overwhelming. It felt as though he was trying to meld you into himself, squeezing you so hard that you could barely breathe. The warmth of his body enveloped you, yet it felt almost possessive, as if he was claiming you in that moment. "Don't smile at anyone else like that," he murmured into your hair, his voice dropping to a softer tone but still heavy with emotion. The words carried a weight that made your heart race, leaving you both confused and touched. You could sense his fear of losing you, his need for reassurance that you were truly his and his alone.

The intensity of the moment wrapped around you like a shroud, making it hard to think straight. "Tell me, tell me you are mine," he urged, his voice eager as if the words he craved were on the tip of your tongue. His face broke into a grin, a stark contrast to the tension that had just passed between you, as if nothing had happened at all. "Right," he continued, caressing your hair gently, his touch tender yet possessive. "You said it, and you need to remember it." He tucked a loose strand of hair behind your ear, his fingers lingering against your skin. "Sorry for the doubt, darling," he said softly, the warmth of his voice almost soothing. But then, his tone shifted slightly, a playful edge creeping in. "And if I find out you’re playing behind my back, things will get a lot uglier." The smile on his lips held an unsettling promise, a reminder that while he was affectionate now, the depths of his possessiveness could easily turn dark. "Shall we head home?"

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puppym3 · 7 months ago

Note

Hey! I loved your Seungmin fic so much, it had so much emotion in it and I enjoyed reading every chapter! Can you maybe write a short chapter where Seungmin develops a breeding kink after seeing the reader take care of Yun?

bf!seungmin x afab!reader

this is technically a pt 5 to this story here, but you don't need any prior information to read this.

wc: 4.3k (ik you said short but i get carried away....)

a/n: thank you so much for reading and liking my first-ever fic! <3 you have no idea how much this means to me. also i literally love that prompt so much i started immediately writing when i saw it.

WARNINGS! : MDNI, unprotected sex (dont do it), p in v, creampie, explicit language, slight somnophilia, cockwarming, dom!seungmin, sub!reader, seungmin has a breeding kink, reader is lowkey into it, seungmin is still super sweet, fluffy

---

It’s been a few months since Seungmin and I officially started dating, and it’s been the happiest I’ve ever been. My mom often commented on how in love we both seemed, and my mom's approval added a layer of peace to my heart. Seungmin was attentive, caring, and always ready to listen, making me feel cherished and loved.

Yet, despite the overwhelming joy, I couldn't shake off the nagging feeling that something was off.

It was subtle at first; small moments where Seungmin seemed distant, lost in thought, or overly anxious. He would brush it off with a reassuring smile or a quick kiss, but the sense of unease persisted. I brushed it off, maybe I was just overanalyzing things, everyone has their own off days.

Tonight me and him were both in the nursery room together, he was sitting down while I was rocking the baby to sleep.

The room was dimly lit, casting a warm glow over everything. The air was thick with the sweet scent of baby powder and shampoo. As I gently swayed back and forth, the baby's soft breathing lulled me into a peaceful trance. Seungmin watched intently, his eyes fixed on me as I hummed a tune to Yun.

As I gently laid Yun down in the crib, Seungmin's arms wrapped around me from behind, his embrace firm yet tender. His warm breath tickled my ear as he whispered, "You’d be such a good mother." His voice was thick with desire, and I couldn't help but shiver. The feel of his arousal pressing against my backside sent a wave of heat through my body.

"S..Seungmin," I whispered, trying to keep my voice steady. "What's gotten into you tonight?"

He didn't respond with words. Instead, he pulled me closer, his lips finding my earlobe and nibbling gently. A soft moan escaped my lips, and I leaned back into him, feeling the intensity of his desire and my own building in response. His hands moved to my hips, holding me tightly against him as he continued his tantalizing assault on my ear.

"You drive me crazy," he murmured between kisses. "Seeing you like this, it makes me want to put my own baby in you."

As Seungmin's words sank in, I felt a mixture of confusion and arousal. I knew he loved me deeply, but this newfound desire was something I had never encountered before. I tried to gather my thoughts, but his lips were too distracting as they trailed down my neck, leaving a line of burning desire.

The passion in his eyes was undeniable, and it ignited a fire within me. "I want that too," I whispered, my voice quivering as I felt my legs tremble.

Seungmin's eyes darkened with desire, and he leaned in, capturing my lips in a searing kiss. I melted into him, my body responding to his every touch. His hands roamed over my curves, exploring and claiming as if he couldn't get enough.

"Seungmin," I breathed as we broke apart, both of us panting for air. "Not here. We should go to the bedroom."

The next moment, Seungmin's hand moved up my shirt, tracing the curve of my breast through my bra. His touch sent shockwaves of pleasure through my body, and I couldn't help but arch my back into his hand. As his fingers teased my nipple, I felt a warmth spreading between my legs. I could feel the wetness growing on my underwear, and it only fueled my desire for him.

"Seungmin," I breathed, my voice barely audible over the pounding of my heart. "Bedroom..." I repeated breathy, with a sense of urgency in my voice.

Without another word, Seungmin grabbed my hand and pulled me to his bedroom. As we entered the room, he slammed the door shut behind us, casting the room into darkness. The only light came from the moonlight streaming in through the window, casting an ethereal glow over everything.

Seungmin's rough hands grabbed my hips, pulling me towards him. His lips crashed down on mine again, his tongue invading my mouth as he devoured me. His touch was rougher than usual, and it sent shivers down my spine.

I could feel the heat between us growing stronger with every passing moment. My body melted into his, responding to his every touch. As he pulled away from the kiss, his breathing was heavy, and his eyes were filled with desire.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he murmured, tracing his fingers down my bare skin. "I want you now."

His words sent a wave of excitement coursing through my veins. I had never experienced this kind of raw desire before, and it terrified me in the best way possible.

"Take me," I whispered, my voice thick with need. "I'm yours."

As soon as the words left my lips, Seungmin's eyes widened with desire, and he lifted me effortlessly, carrying me to the bed. The soft mattress sank beneath our weight as he laid me down gently. His hands roamed over my body, tracing every curve and caressing every inch of my skin. I could feel the heat between us growing stronger, and I knew that this was a moment I would never forget.

Seungmin wasted no time, his hands moving to the hem of my shirt, pulling it over my head. The cool air made my skin tingle as his fingers explored my bare skin. He quickly unhooked my bra, his hands replacing it quickly.

His rough hands massaged my breasts, and I moaned softly, arching my back into his touch. The sound of my arousal sent a surge of need through him, and his lips found mine again, claiming them hungrily.

I could feel his cock straining against his pants, and I couldn't help but press against him, my body aching for him.

Seungmin's hands moved lower, tugging at the waistband of my leggings. In one swift motion, he had them off, leaving me naked and vulnerable before him.

He growled softly, his eyes drinking in the sight of me. "All mine." His words were rough, filled with a need I had never seen before. It made my heart race and my breath catch in my throat.

Seungmin's gaze was filled with lust, and his hands moved to my thighs, pushing them open. "Show me how needy you are for me."

My face heated at his command, but my body responded automatically, spreading my legs wider. The cool air sent a shiver through me, and I could feel the wetness coating my thighs.

Seungmin brushed his hair out of his face as he took in the sight of me, his eyes tracing every part of me. His gaze was filled with lust, and it made my heart race.

"Please," I whimpered, my body aching for him. "Please, Seungmin, I need you."

"So fucking desperate now." Seungmin said, his fingers teasing the sensitive skin on the inside of my thighs. "You want this so bad, don't you? You'd let me fuck you however I wanted, wouldn't you?"

His words sent a shiver of anticipation through me, and I nodded, unable to speak. My mind was filled with images of him taking me roughly, filling me completely.

His fingers traced the outer edges of my folds, his touch feather-light. I moaned softly, arching my hips into him, wanting more.

"Prepare yourself for me, then." Seungmin commanded.

Arousal coursed through me, and I hesitantly slipped a finger into my wet folds. My body trembled with anticipation as I rubbed my clit.

Seungmin's breath quickened as he watched me, and I could see the strain in his pants as he heard me mewl for him desperately as I toyed with myself in front of him.

"That's it, just like that. You're doing so well for me, love." He said, his voice husky and filled with desire.

As I slid my fingers through the slickness, preparing myself for him, his eyes never left me. I could see the hunger in them, and it only fueled my need for him.

As I slowly circled my clit, his hand moved to his zipper, freeing his strained cock. The sight of him stroking himself made my breath catch in my throat.

"Look at you, so needy and wet for me. You're practically dripping," he said, his voice husky, filled with a new edge of dominance.

"Please..." I begged, my voice barely a whisper, the need in me growing unbearable.

"Tell me what you want," he demanded, his tone brooking no argument.

"You, inside me. Please, Seungmin, please fill me up," I pleaded, the desperation clear in my voice.

He smiled at my words, a look of raw hunger flashing in his eyes. He moved towards me, his cock teasing my entrance, the sensation almost too much to bear. I arched my hips into him, needing him to take me, to finally bridge the gap between us.

"Tell me again," he whispered, his breath hot against my ear. "Tell me how much you want me."

"I need you, Seungmin. I need you so bad," I pleaded, my voice shaking with need. "Please, please, fill me up, fuck me, claim me, do whatever you want to me."

My words must have been the final straw because, with a swift, powerful motion, he plunged into me. The force made my body jolt, a moan escaping my lips. Seungmin's hands moved to my hips, gripping me tightly, holding me steady as he filled me completely.

The sensation of his raw, unprotected cock inside me for the first time was exhilarating, a forbidden thrill that sent shivers through my entire body. I gasped as he bottomed out, our hips flush against each other. The intensity of it was almost overwhelming, the reality of our naked connection sinking in.

He looked down at me, his eyes burning with passion and a fierce possessiveness. "You feel so good..." he whispered, pulling almost all the way out before slamming back in with a force that made me gasp.

With each thrust, he pushed deeper, hitting my sweet spot with precision. The sensation was indescribable, a mix of pain and pleasure that left me breathless. I wrapped my legs around him, arching my back to meet his hips, wanting more of his hardness. He groaned, the sound vibrating against my skin, and I could feel the heat of his body as he pounded into me.

"Fuck," he breathed, his voice low and raspy. "So tight..."

The sound of his voice, rough and filled with awe, only heightened my pleasure. Seungmin's thrusts were powerful, each one hitting my sweet spot with a precision that made my entire body shiver. His grip on my hips was firm, almost possessive, as if he was marking me, staking his claim.

I moaned, arching my back and wrapping my legs around him, desperately wanting more. "Don't stop," I begged, my nails digging into his shoulders. "Don't stop, Seungmin, please..."

He replied, a mix of fierce possessiveness and raw desire in his voice. “You want me to keep going, don’t you? To make you mine completely?”

I could barely manage a nod, my body trembling with the sheer pleasure of being forced into submission under him.His pace didn’t falter; if anything, it increased, driving me closer and closer to the brink. Each thrust was deliberate and powerful, his cock hitting me perfectly with relentless precision. I could feel every bit of him, the way he filled me up so completely, the way he made me his.

He seemed to sense my impending release, his grip on my hips tightening as he pushed me closer to the edge. “Come for me,” he commanded, his voice a low, heated whisper. “Let me feel you come around me.”

The urgency in his voice, combined with the relentless pounding, pushed me over the edge. My body convulsed with pleasure, a cry escaping my lips as I came. The sensation of my orgasm gripping me tightly around him only seemed to drive him wild.

Seungmin followed soon after, his thrusts growing erratic as he reached his climax. With a deep, guttural groan, he filled me completely. I could feel his warmth spreading inside me, an overwhelming sensation that left me feeling completely owned.

As the last waves of his orgasms subsided, Seungmin’s grip on my hips softened. He lowered himself onto me, his breathing heavy but calm.

As I lay there, utterly spent and overwhelmed, my mind felt foggy and distant, the intensity of our union leaving me breathless and dazed. I could barely process the sensations that still lingered, a heavy weight of pleasure and exhaustion settling over me. My limbs felt heavy, my head resting against the soft sheets, my breaths coming in slow, ragged gasps.

Seungmin’s grip on my hips softened as he slowly pulled out, his hands gently smoothing over my skin. His eyes, once burning with fierce desire, now softened with concern. He looked down at me with a mixture of tenderness and worry, his brows furrowed as he took in my dazed and exhausted state.

“Hey,” he murmured, his voice gentle and full of care. “Are you okay? Did I—did I go too far?”

His concern was evident in the way he brushed a strand of hair away from my face, his touch tender and soothing. He leaned in close, pressing soft kisses to my forehead and cheeks, his breath warm against my skin.

I tried to focus on him, but my mind was still clouded, my body feeling as if it had been completely drained of energy. “I’m... I’m okay,” I managed to whisper, though my voice was barely more than a breath.

Seungmin’s eyes searched mine, a look of relief mixed with lingering worry. “I didn’t mean to push you too hard,” he said softly, his fingers gently tracing the outline of my face. “I just... I got… carried away.”

Seungmin’s concern deepened as he looked at me, his fingers brushing gently against my cheek. “I’m really sorry if I pushed you too hard,” he said softly. His voice, that was just commanding, was now tender and filled with worry. He placed a gentle kiss on my forehead, his touch soothing as he began to tenderly clean me up.

He carefully retrieved a damp cloth from the bedside table and began to wipe away the remnants of our passion from my skin. His movements were slow and deliberate, his hands gentle as he cleaned me with great care. Every touch was accompanied by soft, reassuring words.

“How are you feeling?” he asked, his eyes never leaving mine. “Do you need anything? More water? A blanket?”

I managed a faint smile despite my exhaustion. “I’m okay,” I whispered, trying to keep the fog of my mind clear. But as he continued to clean me, a thought crossed my mind. The sensation of him attending to me, his hands moving tenderly across my skin, was incredibly soothing, yet the warmth of his release still inside me made me crave more.

I shifted slightly, making sure to keep his essence within me, the sensation of being filled up still vivid. As Seungmin continued to clean me, he didn’t seem to notice at first, but when he did, his eyes widened in a mix of surprise and heated desire.

“Are you…” he began, his voice trailing off as his gaze dropped to where our bodies were still intimately connected. The realization hit him, and his breath caught in his throat.

“You left me so full,” I murmured, my voice soft but laced with a teasing edge. “I wanted to savor it a little longer.”

Seungmin’s expression changed from concern to one of intense, almost deadly desire. His breath quickened as he took in the sight of me, still filled with him. His hands paused, a shiver of excitement running through him.

“You’re driving me insane,” he growled softly, his voice rough with barely contained desire. “You know how much that drives me crazy?”

A mischievous smile touched my lips despite my exhaustion, and I gazed up at him with a hint of playful seduction. “Maybe you can help me keep it all in,” I suggested, my voice a soft whisper, laced with teasing. “What if you… plug it for me? Keep me warm and full.”

Seungmin’s eyes widened in surprise, and his breath hitched at the suggestion. The notion of keeping me filled, making sure none of his essence escaped, seemed to push him to the brink. He looked at me with a mix of disbelief and intense need, his body tensing as he tried to rein in his own escalating desire.

“Fuck,” he breathed, his voice trembling. “You’re going to be the death of me.”

He took a deep breath, trying to compose himself as he moved between my legs. His hands trembled slightly as he guided his still-hard cock back towards me, his movements careful but filled with raw urgency. His eyes never left mine, searching for any sign of discomfort or hesitation.

Slowly, he pressed the tip of his cock against my entrance, the sensation sending shivers of anticipation through me. “Is this what you want?” he asked, his voice rough with need. “To keep you filled and warm?”

“Yes,” I whispered, my voice barely audible. “Please, Seungmin. Help me keep it all in.”

With a deep groan, Seungmin carefully guided himself into me once more, the feeling of him filling me again was both intense and soothing. He moved slowly at first, his movements deliberate as he adjusted to the sensation of being inside me once more. The heat and fullness were overwhelming, and I could feel the weight of his presence inside me, making me shiver with pleasure.

Seungmin’s eyes were locked on mine, his expression a mix of fierce desire and tender affection. “You feel so good,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “I don’t know how I’m going to keep it together.”

And he did keep it together, for the night.

The morning light filtered softly through the curtains, casting a gentle glow across the room. I stirred awake, feeling the warm weight of Seungmin against me, his body pressed closely against mine.

As I began to shift, trying to find a more comfortable position, the sensation of his cock inside me sent a jolt of unexpected pleasure through my body. My movements, though unintentional, brushed against him in a way that reignited the arousal I had felt earlier. The pleasure was subtle but intense, causing a soft moan to escape my lips.

Seungmin stirred, his breathing deep and even, but as I continued to move slightly, his body responded with a familiar hardness that seemed to grow. I could feel him twitching inside me, the sensation driving my already heightened senses.

I froze for a moment, my breath hitching as the intensity of the feeling registered. My body was betraying me, reacting to the lingering warmth and the very real presence of him still inside me. I tried to steady my breaths, but the pleasure was undeniable, a soft, persistent throb that made my heart race.

Seungmin’s hand rested on my hip, and I could feel him waking up, his grip tightening slightly as he sensed the shift in my movements. He groaned softly, his voice thick with sleep and desire.

“Morning,” he murmured, his voice husky and filled with a mix of affection and lingering need.

I turned my head to look at him, my eyes meeting his with a mixture of embarrassment and longing. “Good morning,” I whispered, trying to keep my voice steady despite the growing heat between us.

He shifted slightly as he felt the subtle movements of my body against him. “You’re driving me crazy,” he said softly, his voice a blend of frustration and arousal. “I can feel every little movement.”

I blushed, feeling a mix of guilt and excitement. “I didn’t mean to—” I started, but my words were cut off by another involuntary shift that sent a shiver of pleasure through me.

Seungmin’s breathing grew heavier, his grip on my hip firm but gentle as he looked down at me with a mixture of desire and tenderness. “It’s okay,” he said, his voice thick with emotion. “I like it.”

Seungmin’s admission sent a flush of heat through me, mixing with the lingering sensations from the night before. The way he looked at me, his eyes heavy with desire and affection, only heightened my awareness of him inside me. Every subtle movement sent ripples of pleasure through my body, and I could see the effect it had on him.

“Fuck,” he breathed again, his voice raw. “I can’t help it. You’re making it impossible for me to stay still.”

The admission was a mix of frustration and intense desire. Seungmin’s hands moved to my hips, his grip firm but still gentle, guiding my movements with a mix of control and surrender. His touch was electrifying, and I could feel the heat of his body as he pressed closer to me.

“Is this what you wanted?” he asked, his voice thick with a mixture of need and tenderness. “To keep me inside you like this?”

I nodded, unable to form words as the pleasure continued to build. “Yes,” I managed to whisper, my voice trembling with desire. “I want to feel you all the time.”

Seungmin’s eyes darkened with raw need, and he leaned in closer, pressing soft kisses along my neck and shoulders. His breaths were hot and uneven against my skin, his voice a whisper of longing. “You’re driving me wild,” he murmured. “I can’t get enough of you.”

The way he spoke, his voice laden with both adoration and desire, made me shiver. I shifted again, and this time, the sensation of his cock moving inside me was accompanied by a mix of pleasure and tenderness that left me breathless.

Seungmin groaned, his hands gripping my hips more firmly as he tried to steady himself. “You feel so fucking good,” he rasped, his voice barely more than a growl. “I’m losing control.”

I could feel him twitching inside me, the sensation both soothing and exhilarating. My own pleasure was building with each subtle movement, a constant reminder of our intimate connection.

“Please,” I whispered, my voice filled with longing. “Don’t hold back. I want to feel all of you.”

Seungmin’s resolve seemed to snap at my words. With a groan of surrender, he began to move slowly, his thrusts gentle but deliberate. Each motion was filled with a mix of intensity and tenderness, and I could feel the weight of his presence inside me, making every touch and shift incredibly sensual.

His eyes remained locked on mine, his expression a mixture of fierce desire and deep affection. “You’re everything I want,” he murmured, his voice thick with emotion. “I can’t get enough of you.”

Seungmin's movements grew more deliberate, each thrust a blend of passion and tenderness. His breathing was heavy, his gaze intense as he continued to fill me with slow, measured strokes. The pleasure was a constant, throbbing presence, building to an almost unbearable height.

As his pace quickened, the sensations became more overwhelming, a crescendo of warmth and intimacy that left us both gasping for breath. Seungmin’s grip on my hips tightened, his body pressing against mine with a mix of urgency and reverence. Each thrust was met with a soft moan from me, the connection between us palpable and electric.

Finally, with a deep, guttural groan, Seungmin reached his climax. His movements became erratic as he pulsed inside me, the warmth spreading through me in waves. I felt a surge of pleasure as his release filled me once again, the sensation both satisfying and intimate. I shuddered beneath him, my own pleasure reaching its peak as the last tremors of his orgasm continued to pulse inside me.

The intense sensations had drained me, and I could barely move, my limbs feeling like lead.

Seungmin, sensing my exhaustion, eased his pace and eventually came to a gentle stop. His breathing was ragged, but he immediately shifted into a mode of tender care. He pulled out slowly, his touch soft as he reached for a nearby cloth.

As he carefully began to clean me up, his touch was gentle and soothing, each stroke a testament to his affection. His movements were deliberate, ensuring I was comfortable and cared for. “You did so well,” he murmured softly, his voice filled with warmth and tenderness. “You’re amazing.”

I managed a weak smile, my eyes fluttering closed as I tried to stay present. The aftercare made me feel so warm, and Seungmin’s tender care helped to ground me.

Once he had finished cleaning me up, he gathered me into his arms, wrapping me in the soft blanket he had retrieved earlier. His embrace was warm and comforting, his body pressed closely against mine. He kissed the top of my head, his touch gentle as he adjusted the blanket around us.

“Let’s just relax,” he said softly, his voice a soothing murmur. “You need to rest.”

I nestled closer to him, feeling the steady beat of his heart against my back. His breathing was calm and rhythmic, a steady reminder of his presence. The exhaustion of the night and morning had left me feeling utterly spent, but Seungmin’s affection provided a cocoon of safety and comfort.

As we settled into the bed, Seungmin’s hands continued to stroke my back and arms, his touch both tender and reassuring. The soft glow of the morning light filtered through the curtains, creating a serene and peaceful atmosphere in the room.

I felt myself drifting to sleep in his arms, as he soothed me in his arms.

“Seungmin, I love you.” I murmured, my voice laced with sleepiness.

“I love you too,”

#kim seungmin #seungmin x reader #stray kids x reader #seungmin #seungmin x y/n #seungmin x you #seungmin smut #seungmin fluff #seungmin stray kids #skz smut #stray kids smut #stray kids fanfic #skz x you #skz imagines #skz x reader #stray kids #skz #stray kids imagines

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fictionalcharactersaremypassion · 5 months ago

Text

Wear The Shorts, Baby- Carl Gallagher x plus size!fem!reader

I'm not confident.

I can't just put whatever I want on and go through the day like I'm not overanalyzing every look that might come my way. I want to, I really do, but my insecurities just take over.

Like right now. It's summer and over a hundred outside and here I am in a pair of dark jeans so I won't have any attention on my huge thighs.

I gained a bit of a weight after high school. Living on my own meant that if I wanted take out for the fourth time in a week, I could do it. And of course, I realized after the fact that my stomach was a little pudgy and my shorts were tighter than they should've been.

Realizing that was like a light switch being flipped; I was suddenly uncomfortable wearing shorts in public or even in front of most people. I didn't even want to wear them at the Gallagher house. Sure, no one had said anything but what were they thinking? Tami and Debbie had such slim legs, they could wear anything they wanted.

My stomach was churning with nerves right now. Me and Carl are supposed to go over there tonight for dinner, and I really don't want to. It's not that I don't like them or anything because I do, it's just this self conscious issue that kept popping up. Every time I saw my reflection or sat down in a way that made my stomach feel huge.

I pulled my jeans up higher, hoping to hide how much my stomach was sticking out.

"Hey, Y/N," Carl's voice was getting louder, clearer as he came up the stairs in our place. I didn't want him to see me like this, to bring attention to it, so I folded my arms, standing in a way that was supposed to look casual. When he got there, he gave me a smile, my favorite smile that made my stomach flutter for different reasons. 'You ready, baby?"

"Uh, yeah," I tried to smile too. "Just let me get my bag."

His eyes flickered up and down my body, a crease forming in his forehead. "It's like a hundred out there," he said, "you sure you wanna go in jeans?"

Carl was blessed with a naturally slim body. He could wear a tank top and shorts without a second thought.

"Yeah. I'll be fine."

He still didn't seem convinced. "You really wanna walk out there like that?"

He wasn't trying to be mean. He was rightfully concerned. I'd put on darker colors because it was supposed to make me look slimmer. Probably not the best idea in this sweltering heat, though.

But for some reason, the question just got to me. My eyes watered a bit but I blinked to push them back. "Yeah," I said, my voice coming out strained. "It's fine."

Carl was instantly concerned. In any other circumstance, I would have appreciated it. But right now, it was the last thing I wanted to deal with. If only he could just go and wait for me downstairs to give me a second to collect myself.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," I mustered up a smile that didn't reach my eyes. "Just a little something in my throat. Can you get me some water?"

But he just brushed the request off, and took me into his arms. I pressed my face in his shoulder, closing my eyes and allowing myself a moment of comfort. I loved it when he held me like this.

One arm was around my waist, which I instinctively wanted to shove off as I cringed whenever his hands got near my stomach, and the other rubbing up and down my back. "I didn't mean to upset you, Baby," he whispered.

"No. It's-it's not you..."

"Then what?"

There was a lump in my throat. I swallowed against it, trying to keep my face neutral. Crying was the last thing I wanted to do right now, especially over something so stupid. "Nothing. Let's just go. I think Mickey said he and Ian are bringing pizza-"

Carl held me tighter. "Hey," he said softly, "come on. Talk to me."

"Dinner," I started and was swiftly cut off.

"Doesn't matter. If they wanna bitch about it, whatever," he shrugged. I sniffled, wiping at my eyes. He leaned his forehead against mine. "Tell me what's up."

"It's stupid."

"it's not stupid if it's making you upset."

I chewed on my lip, feeling unusually nervous. I didn't want to even say it. If I brought it up, what would Carl think now that it was out in the open? We'd never directly discussed it before, I would've died of shame if we did.

My mouth opened but I lost my bravery. It took me a moment until I could say something. "It's about my thighs..." My face was growing warmer, especially with how confused he looked all of a sudden.

"What?"

"They're huge," I whispered, shamefaced. "That's why I'm wearing jeans. I don't wanna wear any shorts."

Carl's face softened. "Baby..." He murmured, making me feel all warm inside. I loved that pet name. "You're fucking perfect."

"No-" My eyes were squeezed shut, my head shaking.

I didn't feel perfect. Not when I couldn't help but feel envious of other girls who looked the way I wish I did.

I gently pushed him away, unable to look him in the eyes. "Carl, please."

He said nothing, looking at me with an emotion to his eyes I'd never seen before.

"I'm gross," my voice dropped, so did my gaze. I thumped my thigh, sighing.

"No, you're not," Carl cupped my face, his thumbs caressing my cheeks. "You're fucking beautiful."

My instinct was deny it but I didn't have a chance. Carl kept going.

"Haven't I told you that since we met?"

He had. I didn't believe him at first, figuring he was just saying that to get in my pants. Even now, I tried to take his word for it and sometimes I could, but other times...it was just hard. Like I had this voice come into my head as soon as I might be feeling the slightest bit good about myself. That voice pointed out the but. Like sure, Carl complimented me on how I looked in my jeans but remember how I used to be skinner and looked way better in my other jeans?

"Yeah," I said softly.

I wanted to interject a but. I didn't. Just dropped my gaze again.

"There's nothing wrong with you," he said matter of factly.

I gave him a look. Yeah right.

"Come on, Carl," I rolled my eyes.

"What?" He said, confused.

"You don't wish I looked like...like Kelly?" I watched his face contort into an expression of bewilderment.

"Kelly? Why the fuck are you bringing her up?"

I wasn't proud of what I did. But I talked to Debbie and found her socials.

"I kinda...looked her up on instagram," I muttered.

"Why?"

Because I couldn't help but wonder how different we looked. Because I had to know how much of a downgrade I was. Because I can't help but compare myself.

"I....I don't know."

"Why would I want you to look like Kelly?" Carl remembered what I'd previously said and asked.

I shifted. "She's pretty."

"So are you."

"Not like her," I shook my head. "She's-"

I didn't want to say thin even though that's exactly what I meant.

So I had to force myself.

"She's thin, Carl," I eventually said, chewing on my lip. "And I'm not. I just-" I didn't usually get this personal, this deep but I was already so far gone so I might as well. "I wish I looked like that again."

Carl cupped half my face, kissing me softly. When we parted, he looked into my eyes and boy, did my stomach flutter like crazy. "Babe, you're beautiful. Every part of you is. This-" He laid a hand on my thigh, "doesn't take away from that."

My eyes were welling up. Gosh, I'm a mess.

"You mean that?"

"Of course I do," Carl said with a brilliant smile. "Would I lie to you?"

It didn't magically take away my insecurity. It'll probably come back again, but for right now, I felt a little bit better and very thankful for this sweet boy right here.

---

Hope you enjoyed this! I'm taking prompts for Carl too so if you have any just send me a message or an ask!

#shameless #carl gallagher x you #carl gallagher x reader #carl gallagher #shameless fanfiction #body insecurities #plus size reader #x reader

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