#John's the only one asking the important questions tbh

[vocallywritten]

Would You Fuck Your Clone? Bridgerton Edition

[normalaboutdntm]

Playbill Presents: Death Note: The Musical Panel at NYCC2023

As described on the NYCC site:

"Following acclaimed productions in Japan and Korea and after two star-studded sold-out concert engagements in London, DEATH NOTE: The Musical is coming to New York Comic Con. Playbill will present a panel about the show featuring stars from the recent London concert (cast to be announced) and will offer a sneak peek into the developing production. "Based on the best-selling Japanese manga series (60 million copies worldwide) of the same name by Tsugumi Ohba and Takeshi Obata / Shueisha, this groundbreaking musical (Winner Best Musical, Korea Musical Awards) has a score by Frank Wildhorn (Jekyll & Hyde, 4 years on Broadway, The Scarlet Pimpernel, Bonnie & Clyde) with lyrics by Jack Murphy, book by Ivan Menchell, and orchestrations and arrangements by Jason Howland."

And on Playbill.com:

"October 14's programming kicks off with a Death Note: The Musical panel at 10:30 AM. Set to appear are cast members Adam Pascal, Joaquin Pedro Valdes, and Dean John-Wilson; producers Yuzo Kajiyama and Jamie Chapman Dixon; and book writer Ivan Menchell, with producer Haley Swindal hosting."

For context, this was the earliest panel slot on the third day of a four-day con. Not quite prime territory (especially with the listening party as the last slot of the same day) but they still secured a really good turnout with a lot of cosplayers. Need I remind everyone, the manga is twenty years old, and the anime isn't much younger. So it's really a sign of DN's staying power and the love that people have for this show that congoers showed up in droves to check out this preview.

Unfortunately nothing of consequence was announced at this panel or at the listening party. I was hoping we'd get confirmation of the West End run or even a Broadway concert performance, but no such luck. I was also looking forward to the audience Q&A but tbh all the information we received was so fascinating that I'm glad Haley let the panelists talk instead of trying to keep time for that.

[ID: Adam Pascal, Joaquin Pedro Valdes, Dean John Wilson, Jamie Chapman Dizon, Ivan Menchell, a translator, and Yuzo Kajiyama sitting on stage at NYCC while Haley Swindal stands at a podium.]

After thanking sponsors and bringing everyone on stage, Haley opened by asking each guest a question, starting with Yuzo, the producer of the original Japanese production.

[everything here not in quotation marks is paraphrased]

Haley: Yuzo, what about Death Note inspired you to turn it into a musical, and what were the steps you took to get there?

Yuzo's translator: When he started at Horipro in 2006, at that time all the musicals were imported. He felt the need to produce original musical shows from within Japan. And that was when he had his eyes on Death Note. Horipro already had a relationship with Shueisha, the rightsholders, from the DN movie.

He had two things he felt were important in making this:

The content had to be something that was internationally popular.

Light Yagami’s actor would always get recognized when he went abroad.

It needed to have some kind of extraordinary element to fit with the spontaneous singing.

The concept of the comic, a person who has their name written and dies and the presence of the shinigami, he felt was a perfect fit for the musical.

He also knew that since Shonen Jump, the magazine Death Note originally appeared in, is sold for 2 dollars, the show therefore needs to be a low price.

So that’s when he went to Shueisha. He remembers the first words that they said were “Death Note is gonna be a musical show?" At that time there was only one manga-adaptation musical: The Prince of Tennis. He convinced the people at Shueisha that this would be a first-class show.

Yuzo knew the most important part of the production was the music. At the time Horipro was involved with the Japanese production of Jeykll & Hyde, which also had themes of justice. Yuzo approached Frank Wildhorn about DNtM, but Wildhorn turned it down because "it had to have a love story element, which he felt was the most important aspect" of a musical. Yuzo was impressed by this.

Wildhorn went back to the US and spoke to his son who was a big fan of Death Note, and his son told him he needed to take the job. [Everyone cheered.]

(continuing in reblogs)

[lingeronyourhazeleyes]

thanks for your tags on that nowhere boy post! I'm so curious what your thoughts are on the movie. When did you first see it? Are you a John girl? What are your thoughts on Mimi and Julia?

aww thank you for this ask 🥰🥰 (and i'm terribly sorry, i'm gonna leave a wall of text here, cuz I just can't resist the opportunity to yap about my Beatles-related experiences and opinions xd)

first of all, i don't really get why this movie tends to get so much hate (aside from the part where John hits Paui, and i really liked your insight that it was necessary to make the subsequent hugging and crying on each other's shoulders less gay - god i hate you late 2000's), because tbh this is my favourite Beatles biopic. Aaron Taylor-Johnson captures John's whimsical spirit quite well imo and even though Thomas Brodie-Sangster wouldn't have been my first choice for Paul, he's really good at being a charming motherfucker and a lil shit at the same time :D

i think i saw it for the first time in my late teens/early 20s with my mom and her husband, but i didn't pay much attention to the details then (given that i only had a very surface level of Betales-knowledge back then). I rewatched it last November though (in the midst of a full-blown Beatles brainrot).

Am i a John girl? Huh, i guess i'm something that people around here would call a John-coded Paul girlie xd nevertheless I aspire to be a Ringo in the lives of my loved ones

And omg your last question led me very far, but I'll try to be brief (edit: i failed lol) :D so, as i read your notes, i was very surprised that it's considered an anti-Julia and pro-Mimi film (and seeing the points you have raised, now i can totally understand why). For me (even on my first viewing) it was never a Julia vs. Mimi thing. I've read it as a John vs John conflict (and this is the point where i start talking bullshit and/or total banalities. Feel free to correct me or argue with my points :D i always fancy a good argument). I've always seen him as a man with two conflicting sides: one is the whimsical, creative, free but overly emotional (consequently kinda unintegrable (i'm not sure if it's a real word lmao i hope it is :D) into modern western society) side (enabled by Julia), and the other one is the abandoned little boy who only wants to be loved, and is therefore ready (or even needs) to be controlled and steered in "the right direction" by others, hoping that they would not abandon him this way (and this side of him is fed by Mimi in a way in my opinion).

In my reading, both mother figures embodied and enabled one side of John, while actively trying to suppress or outright hurt the other side -- as, I think, John did in his own mind, constantly berating and hurting himself in the process. I thought Julia was so antagonistic (and i guess i was waaay more forgiving of her than i think an average person would be, because unfortunately in many ways her behaviour reminded me of myself), because imo society tends to frown upon overly emotional, somewhat detached and destructive, but free-spirited and creativity-enhancing behaviour, while supporting Mimi's "behave according to unspoken social rules and expectation, don't change the status quo, and suppress your emotions"-mindset, that she represented in the movie and tried to instil in John. (Seeing Mimi handle (and making John handle!!) Uncle George's death with coldness and complete suppression of emotions was just as painful and infuriating for me as the scene where Julia sent John away after all the (sometimes creepily inappropriate) lovebombing.) I have a theory that Paul was so important to John because he not only accepted but straight-up embraced (dare i say served) both sides of him. But probably i just see too much into all this xd

Sorry for the long, messy (and probably borderline meaningless) reply 🫣 i happened to have waaaaaay too many thoughts 😭😭

[quetzalpapalotl]

The only IDW I’ve read is MTMTE/LL, and I want to read more, specifically about Optimus. I only know him from Prime, and there, he’s the Superman-like hero, can do no harm kind of guy; I was hoping to see a different take on him. Where do I start for comics that focus on him?

Hello! So glad to have this question! I looove IDW1 Optimus and it's my interest to spread that, lol. When it comes to IDW1 Optimus, many writers have different takes on him, but John Barber is really the one that defines the character, or at least it is if you're interested in OP because of my blog. So the short answer is to read the exRID and Optimus Prime ongoings.

That being said, MTMTE is a far more self-contained story than the rest of the entries in the continuity. Barber's stuff not only gets a lot of crossovers and side stories, but Barber is known for being continuity-obsessed (same), and his Optimus is very much written as a reconciliation of all the interpretations of the character in the comics, taking even the negative implications others ignored and dealing with them face-on. The reading is definitively enriched by context.... but also I'm not gonna ask you to read all of IDW1 because a lot of those comics are... boring at best tbh, and I understand reading comics just for lore is not everyone's idea of a good time, haha.

So I prepared for you a Optimus-focused reading order for IDW1 with little explanations for each entry. Because Optimus is such an important character, his path crosses with many plotlines, so I tried to make it so you would be able to get a full, mostly-coherent story, while also keeping the focus on him. Just keep the following in mind: I am biased. This skips most, if not all, of phase 1 (comics published from 2005 to 2011) because I personally judged it not worth it in an attempt to lower the number of comics (so many). This also skips all the series and crossovers where Optimus doesn't feature prominently (so none of the Windblade series or things like Revolutionaries) so you will lack context for some stuff but I think you should be able to pull through. Finally, there will be issues of exrid/OP where Optimus doesn't show up, but it's all part of the storyline, and also Barber writes about Optimus not only as a person but as an ideal, his influence speaks even in his abscence.

Stormbringer by Simon Furman

An ancient evil awakes, Optimus deals with it while remembering the events that led to Cybertron dying. Nothing to write home about, you can skip it, but it's a quick read and it will give you a taste of how Furman writes Optimus (I'm skipping everything else by Furman btw), which was a heavy influence on JRo (from Marvel) and Barber. You can skip it if you want.

The Transformers (2009 ongoing) by Mike Costa

This is a big jump, so for context: previously the Decepticons did a full scale invasion of Earth as well as almost wiping out the Autobots thanks to intel from a traitor. Eventually the Autobots managed to come on top and defeat the Decepticons. Now the Autobots are stranded on Earth, humans have a terrible opinion of Cybertronians and Optimus wants to make reparations. This series presents a lot of interesting stuff that Barber will expand on. Unfortunately, Costa was (by his own admission) not invested in writing Transformers and it shows, particulary, he doesn't understand Optimus' appeal enough to make something interesting with it, but it was still an influence on Barber. There is some good stuff, but I'm afraid to bore you before getting to the actual good stuff. So you can skip it or come back to read it later.

Chaos Theory by James Roberts

These are issues #22 and #23 from the Costa ongoing, in case you decide to skip it. This is the one thing in phase 1 that you must read. We get a more complex take on Optimus, a look into his relationship with Megatron and their past. It introduces JRo's not-at-all controversial idea of making Orion Pax a cop (if only there was a writer that would later deal with the implications of that).

Autocracy by Chris Metzen & Flint Dille

A radically different take on Orion from JRo, this series is set in the past and shows us a bitter Orion who sees no good sides anywhere in the events that lead to the fall of Zeta Prime. Look, I like this in retrospective, but I don't think it's good on its own, feels very edgy for edge's sake (I have a lot to say about this, actually). Still a dear friend likes it so maybe you will. Either way, Barber will later write an arc that feels like a direct response to this that's one of my favorite parts of OP's character so it's worth a read at some point.

The Death of Optimus Prime by James Robers & John Barber

A single issue that serves as a prologue for the sister ongoings. after using the matrix to save the day at the end of Costa's ongoing, Optimus awakens to a rejuvenated Cybertron. The neutrals come back home and Optimus wonders about his place in peacetime.

Robots in Disguise #1-9 by John Barber Robots in Disguise annual

We see how Bumblebee and co. try to deal with an unstable peace on Cybertron. OP only shows up in issue 6, but since you will eventually have to read all of exRID, may as well read the beginning. Also Arcee shows up, and she will be as important for the themes as Optimus himself, so again, might as well.

More Than Meets the Eye #9-11 by James Roberts More than Meets the Eye #36 Spotlight: Orion Pax

It will do good to revisit Mtmte's Shadowplay arc as we see more of Orion's backstory and his relationship with Senator Shockwave. It may be a long jump, but since we're not focused on Mtmte itself, might as well complete JRo's stuff and read issue #36, where Team Rodimus travels back in time, in that issue we see what Orion is doing after angering Sentinel with no Senator to protect him, now under the guide of Zeta. All of this important for OP's character and for Cybertron's political backstory. Then in Spotlight: Orion Pax, we see Orion working under Zeta-now-Prime and his perspective on current issues.

Monstrosity and Primacy by Chris Metzen & Flint Dille

Following Autocracy, these two series shows us Optimus struggling with his newly-adquired Primacy. Suffer from a lot of the same issues as Autocracy, but in my opinion they're less pointlessly edgy. They don't have as much relevance, however, so you can skip them if it feels like too much.

Robots in Disguise #10-22 by Jonh Barber

We're back to the main series. Again, Orion only shows up in issues #10 and #19, but the same as above applies. Also this will lead up to...

Dark Cybertron by John Barber and James Roberts

A crossover event between the two ongoings, which honestly fits much more better on exRID than it does on Mtmte. It consists of 12 issues, of which #1 and #12 were published on their own, and the rest were published as More than Meets the Eye and Robots in Disguise alternatively, but you can find it all compiled in one volume. Orion has some important moments here, including retaking the name Optimus Prime (but was that really such a good idea?).

Robots in Disguise #28-34 by John Barber

After Dark Cybertron, Barber leaves most of the stuff on Cybertron to Mairghread Scott and takes us back to Earth. Optimus is now at the center on this series and will remain there. Here we start to see his struggles in trying to maintain peace, which will only get more complicated.

The Transformers #35-#38 (2014 ongoing, exRID) by John Barder

This is the same series as Robots in Disguise, expect they reduced the name to just The Transformers to avoid confusion with the comics for the Robots in Disguise 2015 cartoon. That's why we refer to the whole thing as exRID.

Punishment by John Barber

A miniseries where Optimus returns to Cybertron and tries to track down a Decepticon serial killer. Here Barber lays down some themes he will keep revisiting fot the rest of his work. Optimus faces some questions and we see how his self doubt is really taking a toll on him.

This is the first part of the Redemption of the Dinobots trilogy, followed by Redemption and Salvation set later in the continuity. Those two don't feature Optimus and so aren't on this list. However I want to say that they showcase the best of Barber's work when not restrained by editorial mandates, so I do recommend them.

Combiner Wars by John Barber & Mairghread Scott

A crossover similar to Dark Cybertron published across two series, this time between exRID and Windblade. Strascream schemes so Camminus will be indebted to him, Windblade and Optimus use OP's Prime clout to try to diminish his influence (this will surely not become an habit for OP). As questionable as that is, Prowl thinks is not enough and takes matters into his own hands. I think it does a good enough job depiste all the To Sell Toys mandates and either way, it will influence what's to come and we get to see the reason for Prowl and OP falling out

The Transformers #42-#55 (exRID) by John Barber

We continue with the Earth plot. Optimus keeps struggling with peace and makes more questionable decisions. Should he leave Earth alone or is he obligated to protect it? How do you protect that which doesn't want yout help?

Titans Return

A sort of crossover, it opens with a one-shot which is followed by exRID #56-57, and then Mtmte #56-57. For our purposes, you don't have to read the MTMTE chapters, but if you did while on your own MTMTE read you may want to revisit them now with context.

Revolution by John Barber and Cullen Bunn (+others)

Okay, this is where we start with the Hasbroverse crossovers. A six issue series (from 0 to 5) backed up by one shots from every individual series featured. This isn't impossible to follow, but it does drag because it features a buch of characters and plotlines a Transformers-only reader won't care about and the writing isn't great. It does feature some "WTF, Optimus" moments (as in, on purpose), Optimus learns humans are not so defenseless and it is kinda relevant, so you may still want to read it. If you do, make sure to also read the Till All Are One: Revolution one shot (and might as well add the The Transformers one because Thundercraker is in it and he's great, and again, the Mtmte one so you can read it with context this time).

Optimus Prime #1-8 by John Barber

We start phase 3 with an arc that's a favorite of mine. Optimus plays with fire to get Earth to join the Council of Worls for its own good. We also get flashbacks of Orion working under Zeta pre Autocracy and pre Spotlight. Barber recontextualizes Autocracy!Orion, deals with the cop thing in ways JRo didn't dare and explores why me made the choices he did without trying to wash his hands.

Transformers Annual 2017 by John Barber

I don't know why this isn't labeled as an Optimus Prime annual, but whatever, it takes place after issue #8. Optimus and Pyra Magna have talk.

Optimus Prime #9-10 by John Barber

We get what I think is one of the most touching issues followed by learning more about the history of Cybertron.

First Strike by Mairghread Scott and David A. Rodriguez (+others)

More crossover fun! I honestly can't tell you how easy this is to follow without having read Revolutionaries (not featured on this guide). Again it's kinda relevant, some of this is a consequence of Optimus actions, leads to Unicron being awoken, and it does have some key Optimus moments, this time by Scott rather than Barber, if you want to see what she does with him. It has the tie-in comics, Optimus Prime: First Strike and Transformers: First Strike by John Barber (the laters follow the former, despite having different names) which don't feature OP a lot.

Optimus Prime #11-14 by John Barber

We see what Optimus' followers get up to while OP is busy in First Strike and then what follows after that event.

Optimus Prime annual by John Barber

Thundercraker tries to make a movie about Starscream (who is in jail after confessing to all his crimes in the Till All Are One annual), it's great.

Optimus Prime #15-21 by John Barber

Barber starts to pay off things he has been building up since exRID as Unicron approaches.

This is the recommended order for what remains (all by Jonh Barber)

Unicron #0 Optimus Prime #22 Unicron #1-4 Optimus Prime #23-24 Unicron #5-#6 and finally Optimus Prime #25

Unicron is here to make Cybertronians face their legacy. Optimus arc comes to an end. OP #25 is my favorite comic issue. I hope you manage to get there, and if you do, let me know what you think!

I hope this was helpful. If you get confused by lacking context, it may help to check the continuity notes section of whatever issue you just read in TFWiki's page for it. And as always, feel free to as me more questions!

[writerdream22]

requested by: no one, but I hope you like this anyways 💛🌻✨

pairings: Thomas Shelby x reader, Arthur Shelby x reader (platonic), John Shelby x reader (platonic), etc.

warnings: cursing

a/n: this came out more like a one shot, tbh, but I really liked writing this piece so I got carried away!

feedbacks are always appreciated!

There wasn't any other place like Small Heath. That little yet full of life suburb in Birmingham had something that enthralled you and made you go back each time you were able to get some time off from your job as a writer.

Something. Or rather, someone.

That someone being none other than the second-born of Polly Gray's nephews. Thomas Shelby. You could say that he played a great role in your life; a central role, even.

You fiddled with the ring that you wore on your left hand's index finger and took a deep breath before walking into the Garrison pub. It was nightfall, and the place wasn't as crowded as you remembered it to be.

“May I— oh, Y/n! Didn't recognize ya for a moment!” Henry, the pub's owner, exclaimed, as you stepped closer to the counter. You smiled at the familiar face, then, before you could even formulate the question, the auburn-haired man pointed to the private room that was usually reserved for the Peaky Blinders “They're having a meeting. I suggest you wait here, but I doubt they'll shoo you away”.

You muttered a 'thanks', smiling once again before turning to the door that led to the aforementioned room. You knocked twice, then paused and knocked three times more.

There was a distinguishable chattering coming from the inside, and more than one of the Shelby brothers cursed in annoyance. After a few moments someone asserted that you could come in, and you did so almost immediately.

Fuck. If you'd been able to say that word out loud, you definitely would've.

The first thing you set your eyes on was the bottle of Gin that was on the table, along with a few glasses and cigarettes.

“Y/n.” those words made you raise your head in order to meet the man's eyes. It was Thomas himself who'd spoken, whereas his brothers were speechless. “Thomas.” you responded “Arthur. John. It's a pleasure to see you again”.

Silence reigned in the room, and you fiddled with your ring once again. You were starting to regret going back to Small Heath— maybe, you thought, you could go to Galway instead and find new sources of inspiration there.

“Uhm... I'm writing a new novel” you began “Yeah. That's why I'm here”.

“You're lying” John pointed out, smirking “We all know why you're here, Mrs. Shelby.” “ You and Tommy have some unfinished business, eh?” added Arthur, who was promptly invited to fuck off by his younger brother.

After a few interminable moments of silence, John turned to Thomas and not-so-discreetly asked him whether he and Arthur had to leave the two of you alone. Thomas nodded, and soon after it was only the two of you inside the room. You sat down in front of him, and he softly smiled when he realized that the ring you were wearing was the one he'd gifted you many years prior.

“Mrs. Y/n Shelby... that sounds nice, eh?” Thomas observed, while lighting a cigarette. You nodded in response, and he kept on talking “We should have made the leap, a long time ago”

“Yes, we should've” you replied “But we were too young, Tom. The war— it has changed the both of us. Me, after the serving in the Red Cross. You, after the battle of the Somme. We couldn't take such an important decision when we were about to be sent off to God knows where and didn't know whether we would have come back alive or in a casket”

Thomas took a drag of his cigarette and puffed out the smoke before he spoke.

“Well, now that we're back... What do you say we continue from where we left off?”

[ilynpilled]

Hey! So I'm from the Jaime/Lannister side of the fandom but wanted to ask your opinion on where you think GRRM is going with Dany. I don't mean spell out her endgame or anything, but what messages do you think he is trying to impart through her character? I see so much Dark!Dany! theory shaped by the show that has just never really resonated with how I read her in the books. I see her more as a figure who will try to be Queen of Westeros, but will ultimately end up abdicating or even sacrificing herself during the LN because finding "home" is more important to her than ruling... but that is not based on much other than gut feeling. What do you think?

yeah idrgaf about the show tbh. i think it fundamentally misunderstood key themes that the books were exploring. corrupted/mad dany feels so deeply cynical to me. people have been reiterating this: she is a subversive messiah figure & she is given a narrative that is so often reserved for the “male hero”. the gender commentary in that would fall flat on its face to me if she becomes mad fascist female ruler like bffr. yeah, she will get darker come winds, like everyone else she will have to make choices and will face moral dilemmas because she is resolved to continue combatting the institution of slavery. she knows she will not be able to do it without dirtying her hands in some way. i think grrm is gonna explore the concept of necessary force and the question of when it is more moral to take a stand and draw blood: is it justified to cut off and burn something at the root, especially if the alternative is allowing the cancer to exist and continue to spread? the institution of slavery is a wound that cannot just be covered up with a bandaid. like this is a very important aspect of abolition. the only way i can see the idea of “madness” be relevant is in a more subversive john brown paralleling way with how people thought that man was insane bc he wanted to end slavery lmfao. if terrible people think you are mad for attempting to make radical changes that harm them that is a good sign. also would hate her becoming an aerys parallel like in the show like that is cringe bio essentialism territory, again, antithetical to the themes prevalent in these books. d&d’s #subversive #dark #unexpected ending was unironically the equivalent of:

do not want her ‘idealism’ to be completely robbed from her at any point either really. im not opposed to tragedy but i dont think id vibe with it being too cynical in this instance. this series is about earned romanticism. its heroes are the dreamers yada yada. it is about a dream of spring. i always thought she represented hope in some way. she is gonna be the flame during TLN, literally and metaphorically imo. i do think there are thematic and more abstract aspects to lightbringer, like yeah humanity uniting over an ideal for a better future & it can be about hope or whatever, which is why multiple characters have some kind of flaming sword foreshadowing, but a main one is gonna be dany and her dragons. like on top of all the pretty overt foreshadowing, like let us think about the logistics here, what is gonna do more damage to the others?? three magic nukes or some convenient dues ex machina magical flaming toothpick we forge out of murdering a woman? i also do not want to instantly write her off as a doomed martyr either though. i see the appeal in the tragedy of the kind girl who wanted a home dying without ever getting to live in the one she created but still leaving it for millions upon millions of people present and future… but also idk i am just not crazy about martyrdom as a trope unless it is executed very well. i like when characters survive for a cause rather than die for it. dany always kept persevering, not just for herself, but others: her children and her people, so i like when altruism is framed in that way. also i might be a little bitter if she is the only one to die from the new generation or whatever like in the show

[ashlingiswriting]

20 Questions for Fanfic Writers

thank you for the tag, @drabbles-mc 🥰

1) How many works do you have on AO3?: i have 275 on AO3.

2) What's your total AO3 word count?: 773,676. Life willing, I'd like to hit a milli one day.

3) What fandoms do your write for?: Literally so many? not in any particular mode rn, just struggling my way through a The Bear (TV) longfic. historically my biggies were: peaky blinders, exchange fandom (aka just writing gifts in a bunch of diff fandoms for fanfic exchanges), narcos, and now i'm jus drifting

4) Top 5 fics by kudos: This...is not what i expected???

The Truth — Apollonia x Michael Corleone, ficlet

Ten Things — Alfie Solomons x reader, 8.7k

Oblivion (Never Been A Better Reason) — Venom/Eddie Brock, 7.2k

STREET SMARTS! — Charlie x Harper (from Set It Up), 1.3k

The Intern — M'Baku x black reader, 13.8k

There is just...there is no rhyme or reason to this. Or pattern. God I love fandom so much

5) Do you respond to comments?: Yes! I try to answer them all, although sometimes I hoard comments on a recent chapter of a longfic so I can reread them, which is...silly, cause I can still reread them once I've replied to them? I should be better/swifter about this.

6) What's the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?: I spent an inordinate amount of time coming up with a shortlist. This is not what the question asked for, but I'm listing them anyways because I couldn't narrow it down any further.

last rites. — Horacio Carrillo x reader, 4.6k

in for five years — Mick Moynihan character study, 1k

not right/not enough — Javier Peña x Horacio Carillo, ficlet

The End — OFC x OFC, 2.2k

Oblivion (Never Been A Better Reason) — Venom/Eddie Brock, 7.2k

7) What's a fic you wrote with the happiest ending?: I have a handful of total fluffies, I think? This is one.

Peach — Astrid Leong/Goh Peik Lin, 2.4k

8) Do you get hate on fics?: Not that I can remember, though I have experienced a few stunners secondhand through friends who have gotten some real weird/inaccurate/racist stuff.

9) Do you write smut?: Yes! Badly.

10) Craziest crossover?: I couldn't choose.

this is the last time — Avatar (animated 00s children's TV show) x Mad Max: Fury Road (R rated 2015 dystopian action movie)

the pale orange skirt in the Continental lobby — John Wick (recent gritty action movies) x Marie Kondo RPF (reality tv show about supremely pleasant small woman who teaches organizational skills)

One thing about me is that I'll treat a crack crossover dead serious.

11) Have you ever had a fic stolen?: No, thank goodness! I'd be so upset.

12) Have you ever had a fic translated?: Yes! I only allow translations to be published on AO3, and I prefer people ask first. I've been translated into Mandarin, Russian, and Bengali. Pride and joy <3

13) Have you ever cowritten a fic before?: Ohhhh yeah. The big ones are:

The Pack Survives cowritten with herequeerandreadytofight, 54,597

A Bit of Heart Left cowritten with shoshe_anders, 53,034

heart full of love and murder cowritten with herequeerandreadytofight, 38,520

I find that it's way easier to sustain longfic with a partner. We go back and forth writing a paragraph or two, then handing it over again. Nobody is in charge of specific characters, both partners can just do whatever they want (with communication, ofc).

14) All time favorite ship?: I have no idea, tbh.

15) What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?: Anything I've tagged "Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued" on AO3 while holding back tears. Plenty. No further comment. 😂

16) What are your writing strengths?: i

17) What are your writing weaknesses?: Smut and fight sequences. Anything where it's primarily description of 2+ bodies doing extremely important and physically precise interaction. Yeesh! Yuck. It's hard.

18) Thoughts on dialogue in another language?: Speaking as a reader, my first preference is that a fic be all in one language, regardless of what that language is. After that, I like when there are entire chunks in another language. My least favorite type is when the whole fic is one language, but then inexplicably there's only a few words, or just random very simple sentences in another language. If the characters themselves very naturally go from language to another in their canon everyday life and it's a characterization choice, then I'm sometimes into it, but again I prefer it if it's done realistically, i.e. it's not all just one language with only swear words or only basic words thrown in of the other language, but rather reflects how bi- or multilingual people really go in and out of different languages with each other (like my aunts and grandmother, for example). As a writer, I don't envision myself mixing languages in a fic unless it's for a very specific reason. I've done an all-Spanish ficlet, but I doubt it was good. I particularly admire people who regularly publish in languages other than English and Mandarin, and I wish I could support them via commenting more, but I'm just not properly fluent.

19) First fandom you wrote in?: A Jason Bourne x East Indian original female character fic in a composition book as a child, never shared with anyone. My OFC wore purple a lot and their meetcute was her spying on him and then having to save his life when he almost choked to death on a chicken bone.

20) Favorite fic you've ever written?: Can't pick just one, yet again. Oblivion (Never Been A Better Reason) I love because I feel I was able to sublimate my feelings and experiences during that time into a work of art. The Bride and do i know you? both because the longfic experience of working on it over time and accumulating readers and interacting with them and genuinely feeling that I'm creating something for people who care about it is just...really meaningful to me.

[werewolfetone]

im begging you to tell me about Edward John Newell & his time as an informer & his disappearance. this will be your only warning.

*Rubs my hands together* right. Edward John Newell.

Firstly, this is him (from a sketch he did of himself, which was first published in his autobiography & was later reproduced by my good friend RR Madden for his The Life and Times of the United Irishmen)

And Mr. Newell was born in Downpatrick in 1771 to Scottish parents. He was noted to be a pathological liar even when he was a child, which. tbh. almost foreshadowed his future activities. Anyway, he had a bit of a falling out with his mother in 1788, which led him to seek work as a seaman. He gave up on that because it was too uncomfortable and eventually moved to Dublin to try and find a job, but couldn't hold one down for long, and when he asked for help his parents denied it to him due to the general animosity between them and due to his support for the United Irishmen. So, he moved to Belfast in 1796, became a portrait painter (despite apparently having little experience in art), and everything swiftly took a turn.

It's not... clear when he became an informer, exactly. It's probable that it was immediately, given that he later admitted to going around dressed like a British soldier with his face painted, pointing out United Irishmen to Lord Carhampton and a group of actual soldiers. Apparently he did this a lot, because Newell claimed to have put 227 people in prison this way, and to have forced upwards of 300 people to flee from their homes for fear of being arrested. Newell wasn't necessarily very good at being a spy, because instantly his superiors in the United Irishmen noticed that he was... overzealous in a weird way... but he did manage to stay under the radar for long enough that he wasn't killed at that point.

Also important: Newell had a friend called George Murdock (or Murdoch, I've seen it spelled both ways). Murdock was the opposite of him politically and also worked for the government and I.... remember reading somewhere that he was in the Orange Order, too, but I can't recall where so I can't provide a source for it. Anyway, the United Irishmen weren't keen on Newell's friendship with Murdock, leading to Murdock's house having to be placed under armed guard lest they try to kill him, but they stayed friends.

Eventually, Edward Cooke (the spymaster for the British government in Ireland at the time, basically. horrible man) brought Newell to Dublin Castle, where he questioned Newell for nine hours. Newell was more than happy to tell him everything, and in return he was rewarded with money and the opportunity to stay in Dublin Castle to learn more about being a spy. While there, he made an absolute nuisance of himself, including shooting at a guard because the guard was slightly too slow in opening the gate for him when he returned past midnight. He also testified before the government's incredibly creatively named (/s) Secret Committee, where he talked for a long time and later admitted that he had made much of his testimony up specifically to scare the people on the Secret Committee.

Eventually, Newell... I don't know, felt bad about what he was doing, maybe? Decided that it was time to change sides again? I don't know. Either way, he asked Cooke if he could stop being a spy, and Cooke agreed to put him into what was basically witness protection, which would allow him to live in England and resume his painting career. Newell could have just taken the offer and gone, but decided, I guess, that that was not enough, and so he wrote and published a book that detailed 1. how very sorry he was for being an informer; 2. everything about his time as an informer; and 3. every single thing he had told the government about the United Irishmen.

You may be thinking "wait that sounds incredibly stupid, why would he do that," which. yeah. I'm not sure why he decided that he needed to do that either. But he did, and predictably, both the government and the United Irishmen were livid. Also, so were the Defenders, who were the Catholic sectarian murder group, because Newell had talked a lot in his book about how they were cooperating with the United Irishmen. So Newell had pissed off not one, not two, but three groups that were all completely willing to kill people to get what they wanted.

But even this was not enough for him! Because it came out with this autobiography that Newell had been having a long-standing affair with Murdock's wife. This pissed off Murdock's people, and it made Murdock so angry that he broke into Newell's room in Dublin Castle to shoot at him multiple times (no one was injured and Murdock even went to jail for a day or two). Newell was evidently very attached to Murdock's wife, which is. kind of sweet I guess. but anyway. At this point, Newell's horrified friends started trying to get him to leave Ireland by any means possible. Remember, there were now four angry groups that wanted him dead, so if he stayed it was pretty much inevitable that he would get a bullet in the head. Newell would not, however, consent to leave without Murdock's wife, who Murdock did not want to let go because y'know... they were married. Since he would not leave immediately as he probably should have done, Newell's friends convinced him to come as far as Bangor, where he stayed in an inn while they tried to convince him to leave for America.

Before I go any further, I feel like I should clarify for people who may not know--there's an important difference between killing someone and disappearing someone. If you were killed by the United Irishmen, maybe they ambush you as you're walking along the road, shoot you and leave your body in the ditch, but your body's still there, and it will be found, and returned to your family, and they know what happened to you, etc etc. But if you were disappeared by the United Irishmen, they might grab you while you're walking along the road, or show up at your house and drag you away, or ambush you at a pub--either way they take you away, and no trace of you is ever seen again. Nobody knows what happened to you, where you are, if you're dead or alive, etc etc--it's almost like you've vanished off the face of the earth. This is often considered worse than killing someone because of the lack of closure, and it's also specifically a human rights violation apart from just normal murder according to the UN.

Having said that, you've probably guessed what happened to Newell. He was at his inn one night, drinking with his friends, and he walked away arm in arm with "two professed friends" who none of my sources name, and he was never seen again. There are conflicting accounts of what exactly happened to him. One says that he was shot to death on the road and his body was buried on the beach. One says that he was thrown off of a ship that was meant to take him to America. One says that they just drowned him. Madden kind of implies that he may have been put into what was basically a saw trap and fallen down a trap door with an axe murderer under it. I've even seen it kind of suggested that hey, maybe he did make it to America after all (unlikely tbh). Whatever happened, no trace of him was ever seen or heard from again. They did later find two separate skeletons that were both theorised to have possibly been him--one under the beach in Bangor in the 1820s, another under the foundation of the house with the axe murderer hole in the 1810s. The other thing all of these accounts agree on is that the United Irishmen were the ones who did it, and that those who did it specifically were probably Newell's own former colleagues.

[torchwood-99]

Gwen and Ianto and Comic Con

Ok ok, here we go, I'm gonna try and remember everything of what was possibly the most important moment of my life.

So we got there as soon as it opened (actually had to wait forty five minutes before they let anyone in) and after mooching about a bit, getting our bearings, we saw people lining up at the Eve Myles queue (me and my sister) so we got our tickets out and joined up.

The queue was fairly short, but still longer compared to almost everyone else, later on it would stretch out really far. I actually saw Gareth first, because I couldn't see Eve at first in the queue, whereas I saw Gareth arrive and set up. My sister was very smug because he made eye contact with her and smiled When I caught sight of her, my heart leaped. She was soooo beautiful! We get to the front of the queue and got our stuff out.

We got to the front, and she was so nice and friendly. TBH, my sister and I were freaking out a little bit, and I just babbled about how long I have loved Torchwood, while my sister just stood there and smiled awkwardly She shook our hands twice, and talked about cold it was, and how she was wearing her 'captain jack coat' to keep warm. (it was a very nice coat) I mentioned to her how thrilled I was about her coming back to Big Finish, and this was interesting....

She said it took her by surprise, that announcement, because the recording for it actually happened literal YEARS ago Before her babies, before the pandemic! So when the news came out she had to remember what it was.

She shook our hands again, and then I ran and hugged my dad like a little girl who had been given a sticker in school, I was freaking out. We got that done quite early, so we wouldn't have to stress about missing out, and before the line got too long

Then at a quarter past one, roughly, we headed over to the Q&A area so this was in the open, against a wall, near some of the stalls, which made it easy to hang around

We actually caught the end of the Star Wars panel and saw the guy who plays Chewbacca!

The panel was meant to start at half one but it actually took place at quarter to two, but they still gave us the first half hour (and that gave me time to eat the burger my dad grabbed me while my sister and I waited for seats)

Then Eve and Gareth came out. Can't remember the name of the moderator but he was really nice, he was a Doctor of something, and I really liked him. I vaguely recognised him and he said he has moderated Torchwood panels before. He was very funny

Right then, the good stuff They got to the crowd Q&A very quickly Although the moderator talked up Gareth and Eve first, really gushing over Eve and her achievements right now and talking about Gareth's background in theatre.

Gareth made a funny crack about how he got a job at the bar in the National Theatre, hoping it would help him get a foot in the door, only to be blacklisted (i think he was joking)

Right questions. So there were typical questions, like most fun episode to shoot. They both said countrycide, and apologised because they always say that. Eve said something like it being awkward going to the countryside, after saying they're all cannibals. Gareth said the truth hurts.

Another favourite filming memory, was filming in Doctor Who together, when they were facing the Daleks. They said they were literally trapped in the Hub, and lived off Gregs. They ate loads of bean and cheese bakes. By the end, they were begging to be let out, and said they were really seeing Daleks!

Then they were asked what the worst episode to shoot was. Gareth says his was filming Adam, when he was sat in the alley way, wailing and rocking backwards and forwards while a rain machine came down on him. Apparently they couldn't get the take right and had to keep shooting it. The moderator asked if John was behind the camera, making them film it again and again. Gareth said it wouldn't surprise him.

Eve said hers was filming that bit in COE, where she was running through the field, being chased by soldiers, carrying the little girl. She said she rehearsed running in her boots all over Cardiff. She went running in her swanky boots, and joggers and hoody, looking 'insane'.

She said that she didn't account for how muddy the field was. She was running, when she heard her hip pop.

She was swearing, dealing with pain, while trying to keep the little girl's ears covered.

She said people have come to her that day with the COE DVD to sign, and on the back is an image of the exact moment her hip popped. After the shoot ended, she went to the hospital.

Another moment was filming the beach chase scene in Miracle Day Apparently it was minus 14 degrees, and they were zooming along, Eve wearing only a blouse and jacket. Mekhi Phifer really struggled, asking how the Welsh breathed in that weather, and saying that our bacon wasn't bacon Afterwards, Eve had three baths, then got really drunk.

Another question was a moment in filming when they burst out laughing. They said there were moments like that every day, and it was the laughing that exhausted them more than anything else. Eve specified that Gareth falling over in the water filming Cyberwoman made her laugh.

Gareth said it was hearing the different ways Eve would criticise herself after messing up a take The favourite was "What a bag of W*nk".

They were asked their favourite person to film with. James Masters WAS mentioned

But they waxed poetic about how amazing Peter Capaldi was. They talked about how in the read through, everyone stopped and looked up to see what Peter was doing.

He was reading a speech, just listing countries (I think when he first makes contact with the 456) Just listing countries, and Gareth said it was the most amazing speech ever.

I remember that scene, and it gave me shivers just thinking of it They were asked what their favourite Big Finish plays were. They both talked about how amazing Big Finish was, keeping things going after all these years, and thanked the fans for that too. Can't quite remember which one was Gareth's, might have been office that never was. (EDIT: According to Twitter it was Fall To Earth) It was an early one with James Goss, because of how well it captured Ianto's dryness.

Eve said she loved We Always Get Out Alive because of getting to play with that dynamic between Rhys and Gwen.

They were asked by someone interested in directing audio plays about the differences in filming on screen and recording. They gave really thorough, quite analytical answers to that, taking the questioner seriously about their professional interest, which was really nice. It was almost like watching a mini lecture.

On the topic of Big Finish, Gareth was asked if would ever write an audio play between Ianto and Gwen (applaud the questioner's taste!) Gareth said yes, that he's got ideas for all of them, and often receives emails regarding ideas for episodes. But nothing concrete.

OK, now here's the juicy bit. An audience member asked if they were doing anymore stuff for Doctor Who. Gareth asked if 'they would' or 'if they are' They were told, if they 'are' Gareth laughed and said they're not and wouldn't be able to say if they were Eve went very, very quiet Then Gareth said he definitely would, and when Eve was asked if she 'would' she said yes. She let Gareth take the lead answering that, I'm just gonna say It almost seemed like Gareth was covering for her.

This was interesting because right at the start, the moderator asked Eve about what she had been filming lately She said wasn't filming in Wales, she had been filming for a long, long time, and it will be coming out next year She also said that she couldn't say anything about that either

Now that shoot might not be for Doctor Who, but when I went to chat to my dad and brother and his GF about the Q&A (they had been standing at the back, watching) they agreed it seemed like Eve had been put in a tricky spot when asked about Doctor Who. I can't say anything else except there was a Vibe!

I've just got a feeling, you know.

To end on a funny note, their favourite question was what they would put in the Hub if it was rebuilt. Eve and Gareth really liked that question and said that they had never been asked that question before.

Gareth's answer was a shock

He said......a STARBUCKS!

Ianto is rolling in his grave!

A transporter and a Starbucks. Eve said she would put in a bar. I think Gwen would approve of Eve's choice more than Ianto would of Gareth's

The moderator asked if they would add any pets, and they said they already have a pet, but they don't know if she's still hanging around Eve then joked that her garage is very big and 'she' (I'm guessing Myfanwy) is very tame, so it seems Myfwany has a new home

I think that's all the questions. They were incredibly lovely and down to earth, and gave great, in depth answers. Really made it worth the money and drive to come and see them.

Really can't say just how lovely they were, and just how great it was to see them in person and hear their answers.

[applestorms]

alright,

i am well in need of a proper homestuck reread by this point, it's certainly been long enough since i went through the comic as a whole instead of just skipping around to different acts and conversations. to anyone following me rn who would like to avoid possible post spam about this, i'll be tagging everything with "#astronaut reread" so feel free to filter that. dunno if it'll be that spam-y though tbh, i'm trying to be more careful and take my time going through each page and image to really Pay Attention this time round to make sense of all of the theories/analysis i've been reading lately, but that may also make my liveblogging posts longer so. idk we'll see how this goes

initial thoughts: i've always been drawn to the emptiness of early homestuck, the whole aspect of the kids shitting around in their rooms doing basically nothing of real importance (ignoring hs's love of callbacks) feels very true to the experience of being a teenager in the last few decades. it's quite slow story-wise, of course, but it genuinely does set up a lot of the story later on (john's posters all foreshadowing/inspiring later plot points, etc.) and the vibe is just. man idk, i've seen people criticize act 6 for being slow in that nothing really happens since all the characters are just Waiting, but reading through the very beginning again that almost feels more true to the core of homestuck, or at least where it started. and i like it, sometimes it's nice to just slow down, even though i get the frustration w/ that later in the story after the plot has so much more baggage. but more reflection on that later.

john is an interesting character on a meta level in how he represents the most basic entity in homestuck: the first kid, upon which all other kids evolve off of, but what's more interesting about that fact to me is how his original Home plays into that character. maybe i'm biased by nostalgia, but (A1:82) is such an interesting page, it's like the first point where the comic hints at taking itself more seriously by marking just how empty the space surrounding john is, houses all copies of one another and far apart along the streets. not to mention the wind running through the windchime, perhaps another instance of foreshadowing/inspiration? hussie mentions the idea of vriska being tied to the image of the sun that page ends on in the commentary notes, troll gods not yet conceived of but looking down and watching all the same. honestly all i can think of is a section from the start of ch2 of the zhuangzi:

Master Dapple said, “My, isn’t that a good question you’ve asked, Ziyou! Just now I lost myself. Do you know? You’ve heard the pipes of people, but not the pipes of earth. Or if you’ve heard the pipes of earth, you haven’t heard the pipes of Heaven.”

“May I ask what you mean?”

“The Big Lump belches breath and it’s called wind. If only it wouldn’t start! When it starts, the ten thousand holes begin to hiss. Don’t you hear the shsh-shsh? In the mountain vales there are great trees a hundred spans around with knots like noses, like mouths, like ears, like sockets, like rings, like mortars, like ditches, like gullies. Gurgling, humming, hooting, whistling, shouting, shrieking, moaning, gnashing! The leaders sing ‘Eeeeeeh!’ The followers sing ‘Ooooooh!’ In a light breeze it’s a little chorus, but in a gusty wind it’s a huge orchestra. And when the violent winds are over, the ten thousand holes are empty. Haven’t you witnessed the brouhaha?”

Ziyou said, “So the pipes of earth are those holes, and the pipes of people are bamboo flutes. May I ask about the pipes of Heaven?”

Master Dapple said, “Blowing the ten thousand differences, making each be itself and all choose themselves—who provokes it? Does Heaven turn? Does earth stay still? Do the sun and moon vie for position? Who is in charge here? Who pulls the strings? Who sits with nothing to do, gives it a push and sets it in motion? Do you think it’s locked in motion and can’t be stopped? Or do you think it’s spinning out of control and can’t slow itself down? Do the clouds make the rain? Or does the rain make the clouds? Who rumbles all this out? Who sits there with nothing to do and takes perverse delight in egging it on? The wind rises in the north—now west, now east, now dilly-dallying up above. Who huffs and puffs it? Who sits with nothing to do and blows it? May I ask the cause?”

(translation by norden & ivanhoe)

perhaps that's fitting with all the talk of transformation & flexibility/adaptation in that chapter.

you really can't get away from the names "homestuck" and "s(u)burb" with this beginning to the comic. john, as the quintessential homestuck kid, trapped in his house in the empty suburbs, stuck not because of any physical boundaries/walls, but perhaps because of a lack of them. massive roads and sprawling suburbs that make it impossible to get anywhere on foot is a pretty classic image of modern america, so john's desire for breath, for movement, makes sense in that regard. homestuck has always been most appealing to me in how it doesn't shy away from reality, as messy as that engagement often is, and this beginning feels like it gets at some of that emotional core that homestuck started with. it's immediately followed by a joke about pissing/shitting in the mailbox too. classic.

[misireads]

The Breakdown by B.A. Paris

[ audiobook, listened in english ]

on a stormy night, a young teacher is driving home from a party with friends and decides to take a shortcut through a winding forest path, where she sees a lone car parked on the side of the road. she gives the driver a chance to ask for her help but when they don't, she decides to keep driving and goes home. the next day, a story about a woman having been murdered in her car on the forest road is all over the news. weighted by the guilt of not having helped the woman in the car, the main character gradually spirals out of control with increased paranoia as she believes the murderer saw her that night and is now after her as well. at the same time, lapses in her memory make her worry she's on path to having early onset dementia like her late mother, and all of this combined is also making her previously happy marriage fall apart.

➕ yes i'm back giving ms paris another chance, because she was recommended to me. so did i like this better than behind closed doors? absolutely i did, here we have a genuine mystery thriller with all the cosy tropes and a plot with actual tension! i knew this was a superior book from scene one, it immediately set such a strong scene, i was just YEEHAAAW time to buckle in, finally. it's not the most masterful or unique story or anything and has a bit of a lacklustre deus ex machina resolution, but it's the good old thing. with an ending i didn't see coming, too! obviously behind closed doors immediately put me in the mindset of finding the husband suspicious but [spoiler] humouring that the best friend might be the bad guy was just a wild theory of mine, and i certainly didn't suspect two people. i thought it would just be choosing between the husband and the john guy, where either could be the culprit

➕ a spoiler-free plus point, more vaguely: there weren't a whole lot of suspects in here, but i think the story did a good job juggling with those it had and making you wonder which one it is, steering you this and that way as it went. i don't mind simpler mysteries like this because i'm not very smart so it makes me feel like i can actually participate in the guessing game GNDJGNDJ

➕ the main character is almost reminiscent of victorian era stuff, what a Woe Is Me dramatic bitch with larger than life emotions and melancholy. horrible but great

➖ these bitches be speaking all their stupid ass thoughts out loud in these books tho. sometimes you just wanna reach out a hand and put it in front of their mouths like shush…time to shut up. why are you saying these things in this situation. don't you have even a crumb of self-awareness. AND the fact that she immediately jumps into thinking the murderer is also after her (based on… umm… nothing???) because clearly she's such an important person, some real self-important buffoon behaviour. plus never once thinking the culprit could be a woman, not a man. heteronormative self-important buffoon behaviour?

➖ this isn't a massive complaint since i overall enjoyed the story but the pacing was a bit off. the beginning is a bangin' but then when we get to the silent calls and cass's dementia scares, well about half of those could have been halved or cut out tbh. and the SMS part in the end, it was not only some hyper turbo mode exposition stuff which seems to be a common problem in paris's writing judging by these two books, but also dear god, fucking insufferable to listen to in audiobook form LMAO

➖ speaking of phones. how are the characters in her books so dumb about phones? like, we are talking about mobile phones here, right? i had so many questions about the silent call sequences. why didn't she ever call the number back? track down where the calls came from? why didn't she just leave the line open to a forever stalemate/wasting the caller's time until they have to give up? how did she know the caller was a man? why didn't she just leave the phone be and only let the answering machine work when any important person needed to get to her? why do both the house phone and matthew's phone work but magically hers never does so she can't use it????? this all was some real tedious buffalo shit ass garbage plot-convenient turdmageddon stuff right here

➖ probably there was something else but i forgot because the phone stuff got me so worked up. oh now i remember! maybe the dumbest scene i've ever come across in any book (in recent memory anyway). the main character looking at a room, ""sensing"" that something is amiss (but not actually seeing a single thing, not going in to investigate, nuthin'), and proceeding to verbally freak out about it to the point of calling the police that someone has broken in, like, yes okay sure go ahead and have some fucking sixth sense, but did it not cross her mind for even a second that she could, oh i don't know, have like… evidence? to back her words up? and how it looks and sounds like that she doesn't??? i'm just, i can't. that scene was so fucking stupid, it made me second guess whether i like this book after all. like sure she's messed up from paranoia and drugs and whatever but that scene was very much set up as her being like, 100% confidently saying this shit and underlining how sharp she is feeling about it. well if you're so fucking sharp then put yourself in another person's position for five fucking seconds and think how what you're saying sounds like to them i beg you, jesus christ on wheels.

⭐ score: 3½ -- still, i liked it. maybe because i read it after behind closed doors, which i didn't like. so i was just so happy to have a genuine, atmospheric murder mystery to listen to that also managed to surprise me a little.

[ursie]

genuine question: if devin wrote dick as romani in a hurtful way, why does fandom seem so intent to keeping him romani while decrying the writer that made him romani in the first place? like, if it came from such racist/hurtful archetypes then why cling to it so much? (in contrast, i've seen people say that headcanoning tim as asian is bad because of sterotypes, which is why i don't understand the difference.) i barely read past the 80s comics i grew up with, i just read a ton of fandom arguments and the contrast between "dick IS romani" vs "tim ISN'T asian" is like. i don't understand it? i know fandom isn't a monolith but there are trends overall. idk, i figured you seemed like a "safe" person to ask this question in good faith. hope it doesn't upset you! thanks for taking the time to read and/or answer this. <3

Ok so the thing is bad rep is worse than no rep-yes but erasure is worse too so the solution isn’t to erase but to fix it and there has been genuine effort in canon and by Romani people in the fandom to address Dicks rep. While it’s undeniably rooted in some stereotypes there’s also no denying how important Dicks character is. He’s undeniably the most popular Roma character of all time and that’s an issue when people won’t acknowledge he’s Roma. He’s multifaceted and smart and brave and complicated and undeniably good ect these are really good characteristics for any character let alone one to represent any group of people. The best thing dc could do is either hire Roma writers (or Roma editors/sensitivity readers/ect) they need Roma people in the workroom not less Roma characters in comics. Because at the end of the day If we wait for perfect rep before we acknowledge it we’re not going to get it and that goes for any marginalized identity. People cannot know other’s peoples lived experience-which is why we need to push for our voices in the room. Almost all the diverse characters in comics nowadays started as stereotypes and were stereotypes til someone said no and chose to do the work so they could write them better or at least try-that’s what needs to be done. I think it’s funny (and this isn’t at you) that with Dick given his importance given his cultural influence people push for erasure due to some writing flaws when that’s not and never been the case canon or fanon for other characters I mean have you read early black panther? It’s not good. I think people need to reflect if they actually have an issue with how he’s written or if they not only don’t want to view him as Roma but don’t want to put in their own work of looking past the stereotypes either. Also tbh while you’ll see people tote that Roma people don’t like his rep (which I’m not saying there’s none who don’t) the posts that are most commonly referenced are by non Romani people (and one is by a total freak so yeah). In current canon Dick is probably about 1/4th “ethnically” Roma (though that hardly matters he’s Roma hes roma like. Roma is a race he’s just not white) but also in preboot, dick's father was a kalderash-american rom, dick also spoke lovari dialect in preboot. as of post flashpoint, dick's mom is an american roma but her vitsa is not confirmed, so i just like to hc john was kalderash and mary was lovara personally 🥰 like again the best thing dc can do is actually talk about the Graysons, Mary’s family, ect and make them human. Make them more than stereotypes. Actually talk about his culture and his family and his people-not just brush it under a rug until they reference it for diversity points later

As for your other question/point to me the difference between hcing a character as a different race vs like Dick is the push to view white characters as non white instead of actually making fan content of canon non white characters? Like it’s almost a white guilt thing w Tim (this is not at fans of color) but like you want to feel good about stanning characters of color but you also. Don’t actually stan a character of color (like Tim or Jason for instance) so you just hc them as non white (and yes often stereotypically) instead of like reading a single comic w Duke in it. Like racebending is fine and I think it’s good but when done by white fans it’s often actually done to like justify their distance from actual canon characters of color. Like I’m glad you think Tim’s Asian but you still won’t draw fanart of the batfam w Duke in it in 2022 yknow? You still prioritize Jason over Cass but you think he’s Latine, you hc Steph as ambiguously brown but you still characterize Damian in a racist manner, ect. Does that make sense I’m not actually sure I’m explaining well. Oh and in the case you specified Dick is canonically non white wheras Tim isn’t-and it should be noted that white isn’t the baseline-While no one’s saying writers had any intentions he was never stated to be white before-him being “retconned” as Roma isn’t really fair or true he was simply revealed to be so as again white cannot be treated as the inherent norm (nor should heterosexuality and being cisgender or able bodied) I’m not saying you’re wrong but I think it’s important not to think about that kind of stuff in those terms if that makes sense. I hope I cleared this up. I certainly tried and should you have any more questions my inbox/dms are open

Edit : adding on an important response from @royharper : the bottom line is that people who aren't roma should not be speaking on his identity as a rom because they have no idea what roma identity fully entails. i've seen people claim "he's not culturally connected, therefore he can't be roma" or "he can be white and roma, he's not a person of color" when neither of these things are true. for one, while devin is inconsistent in her writing, dick is shown to be raised within the culture as far back as her titans run in the late 90's, in which he is shown to be speaking romanes with his father in a dream sequence that is heavily implied to be a flashback of sorts, and as well lian states that dick can speak romanes when discussing the various languages that her dad, aunts, and uncles can speak. language /is/ culture for us, it's not something that any outsider can just learn super easily. it was really strange that she retconned this herself by the time gotham knights was written a few years later through the character yoska, who attempts to speak romanes with dick and finds that he can't understand him, however using this, along with the orientalist stereotypes devin tried to impose on both dick and yoska when writing about roma identity, as an excuse to say that dick is not "really a rom" is racist. outsiders do not understand the nuances of roma identity enough to make that judgement, and no, wikipedia is not an accurate source for information about roma. touching on the idea that roma can be white, this is a misconception. while outsiders may be folded into the community by marriage or adoption, this is not very common because we don't tend to marry or adopt outside of our communities. furthermore, roma is not an ethnicity. roma is our race. our ethnicities are our clans. there are roma with pale skin, there are even roma that appear white, but they are still racially roma and are still subject to racial discrimination. in response to the idea that there is an outpouring of roma fans who don't want dick to be roma at all, this simply isn't true. that rumor was originally started by someone who was outed as a racefaker, and is perpetuated by white fans who seek to weaponize this perspective to justify their whitewashing and racism. i've known more roma who were, while still critical of devin's orientalism/antiromanyism, ecstatic to have a roma comic character who actually speaks the language, as in comparison to doctor doom and the maximoff twins, who are arguably just as popular, who do not speak romanes in comics, or have only spoken one or two words of the language. dick is important in terms of representation for this fact alone. i can't fathom the amount of people who are not roma who think that just because roma characters are often subject to stereotypical writing that it's somehow better to simply erase their racial identity all together rather than doing their own research to avoid stereotypes when portraying the characters and pushing for these companies to start hiring roma creatives as we do with /every other character of color because not a SINGLE character of color in comics history has been entirely free of racist, stereotypical writing or of colorism and whitewashing in official artwork/. and yet you don't see people pushing for other characters of color to be made white. it's really very telling to me. and just for the record, since i know this is for some reason a popular talking point, dick's race was not retconned after devin initially wrote him as roma. his race has been referenced across numerous other comics written by other writers over the years, most notably tim seeley in his run of nightwing rebirth. while i have issues with seeley's characterization of dick, and he tends to sexualize him just as much if not more than devin imo, dick's racial identity plays a big role in the raptor arc. stop acting like devin was the only writer to ever write dick as a rom and that it was never seen or heard of again in canon after she stopped working on nightwing.

[queerlennon]

hi i saw you reblogging that post about john's sexuality and i have a genuine question: how do we expect people to believe our boy was queer if everybody, not just biographers 40 years later affirm that he used to fuck a hundred of groupies daily? how are they supposed to believe this when what he was constantly thinking of was ' pussy pussy pussy ' 24/7 ? i understand how unbelievable it can be tbh. his thousands of affairs with women eclipse his trip to spain with his manager and that's understandable... you see what i mean ? his potential interest to men is downplayed because of how agressively straight he used to be!

Hi, this ask is super interesting to be because I think it’s a microcosm of how queerness and more specifically bisexuality gets treated in broader society.

And you’re not the first person to think this either: there is honestly a very similar line of interaction in Loving John. (May Pang’s book):

John made no judgements of homosexuality but but was really curious about who was and wasn’t gay... he knew that his appearance at a gay club might start rumours about his own sexuality and it made him laugh. He told me that there had been rumours about him and his first manager, Brian Epstein and he usually didn’t deny them... then I was the one who was laughing. “How could anyone believe that a man who likes women as much as you is gay?” I told him.

May explains all of these instances which to me, seem like the behaviour of a closeted man slowly dipping his toes into embracing his queerness and then at the end inadvertently dismisses them by saying “he likes women too much to be gay.” And... gay in the sense that he’s a homosexual man exclusively attracted to men? Yes. Queer? No. (I also find it interesting that May doesn’t talk about John’s response to her saying that. Her saying that is the last sentence before the next paragraph with a completely different topic.)

There’s an underlying assumption that being a man who likes women automatically precludes you from queerness but that isn’t necessarily the case. Attraction to women is not what excludes a cis man from being queer, it’s a lack of attraction to men. And no matter how many women John slept with in his time, that is not a rebuttal to him being attracted to men, due to bisexual people existing. And I, like many people believe that John was bisexual.

It’s also important to note that historically this very type of reasoning has been used to justify excluding bisexuals from queer spaces. That because they’ve only had relationships with the opposite sex or even just had more relationships with the opposite sex they’re not apart of the queer community.

However, bisexual people are marginalised by straight society as well and so because they’re constantly told that they’re “not queer enough” they seek to fit into straight society by actively remaining in the closet and hiding their queerness.

This isn’t actively happening with John. He’s passed and even while he was alive I believe he was most likely closeted for reasons other than the ones I’ve just laid out. However it is happening within the way biographers decide to portray him. I don’t think it’s just because there are “more stories of him sleeping with women.” Because despite that being the case, it still doesn’t mean his attraction to men didn’t have a huge effect on his psyche, as he was living in a time where feeling that attraction was extremely shameful. And I believe if you want to understand someone as biographers do, that is something that would have to be explored. However they aren’t exploring it and the reason why is because we still live in a time where straightness is much more valued than queerness. So portraying John Lennon, someone who we’ve been told has been so important to music, to art, to culture, as queer, goes against the homophobia that is still ingrained within society. Biographers aren’t exploring this nor because it’s unbelievable, in fact, many of them do believe it; they aren’t exploring it because they don’t want to believe it, because in many ways, even though it’s much more subtle than previous decades, many still subconsciously believe that being someone like John Lennon and being queer are two things that are fundamentally in conflict with each other.

And because those stories are there, it’s very easy to just completely omit the instances of him being attracted to men or struggling with his sexuality and just portray him as a straight man because it doesn’t challenge a societal narrative. And that’s where the biphobic rhetoric comes in handy because even if it does come up they can dismiss it and say “look at all these times he slept with women.”

You see similar things happen with historical figures all the time. Because they’re key figures many in straight society look up to, they are presumed to be straight until proved without a shadow of a doubt they are queer. And, that’s what I believe is going on with John.

[bladekindeyewear]

THE DEVICE

I don’t usually put images from the latest updates on main outside a read-more cut, but I’m getting further people messaging in today saying they think THE DEVICE hidden under a sheet in HS^2′s latest -- the one at the very center of the noncanon singularity, where they believe bringing Vriska and having something too important for Canon to ignore happen will make a difference -- matches the shape of the Hiveswap door.

And it definitely, INTENTIONALLY matches the general SHAPE of the door as well as its “trapped under a tarp” aesthetic, but in Homestuck that’s no guarantee that the device is the SAME, much less even similar.

Plus, as much as a Hiveswap door gives things a “trading between worlds” feel in a story where we’re ALREADY bifurcated between Meat and Candy sides, and as much as Dirk is specifically afraid of Yiffy in a metatextual making-that-story-better-than-mine sense, there’s some reason to believe from Calliope’s language that the goal of the device is a bit more esoteric:

CALLIOPE: as far as everyone else is concerned, we might as well not even exist! JOHN: is there no way we could let anyone know that we're in here...? CALLIOPE: almost certainly not! CALLIOPE: there are very few ways for anything to escape the kind of predicament that we are in right now.

If the device’s purpose were to more or less directly enlist the help of those in Canon -- at the present time, at least -- or pull one of them away while shoving another in their place who could relay the status of their current predicament, then Calliope answering John’s question this way would be pretty weird.  Though, by using the weasel-wording “very few”, she does not rule OUT the idea that this device DOES allow SOMETHING to take place between Canon and Non-Canon.  Especially since, considering their goal:

CALLIOPE: as far as we have been able to sUrmise, the only remaining method for escaping oUr grim confinement depends on leveraging the UniqUe properties of this location to create an event of sUch catalcysmic proportions that it simply cannot be contained within the black hole any more. CALLIOPE: something SO dramatic, so hyper-relevant, that it becomes ontologically impossible for anyone to ignore it. CALLIOPE: for that, we need an individUal of sUfficient narrative cloUt, so to speak.

--could easily be accomplished by forcing all of canon to heavily, HEAVILY depend on noncanon, by inserting some crucial event or extraneous factor at some important time and place, important beyond even the typical canon-centric doomed timeline’s occasional importance to the plot.  Note, Calliope already mentioned, earlier in the conversation:

JOHN: you mean we ended up with the bad possibility. CALLIOPE: not at all! since both possibilities depend on one another's existence, it really doesn't make sense to call them "right" or "wrong". they both just "are".

--that Meat and Candy could not exist without each other.  Which could just have to do with the fact that “choices” matter to Paradox Space, especially the choice to do something Heroic for the sake of reality or to relax and sit back, and that if it weren’t important enough to have required a choice, then it wouldn’t have been important enough at all.  But Terezi had interactions with people across BOTH sides of the coin flip, and Vriska specifically was able to get a message through to her on Meat Earth C from deep in Candy (which Calliope lampshaded she would have been very surprised to find out happened-- another thing that makes Vriska powerful for sending things back and forth even if the "event" may or may not directly involve her, (edit:) not to mention John too with Breath's mail/messages association!).

So, simply sending ANYTHING or ANYONE across the gap, if this tarped machine even DOES that, wouldn’t do on its own-- it would have to be something important, important possibly to all existence.  If you wanted to get super-serious, maybe even the as-of-yet-unsourced final frog sent to young Jade.  Thus proving that without the Candy timeline, Earth C’s universe -- not only the place of the kids’ victory, but the eventual birthplace of Calliope and Caliborn and the origin of Lord English -- couldn’t exist at all, and consequently either forcing the Candy version of Earth C out of the singularity or forcing reality to acknowledge the fact that the WHOLE singularity -- all of “non-Canon” -- has relevance, and thus stability. Alt!Calliope would have made her fanfic-timeline come true.

But, that’s just one theory.  I wrote this post so y’all could reblog and debate other possibilities for both the machine under the tarp and the dramatic act of relevance that they intend to have take place.  Some sort of silly dramatic kiss?  Shoving Vriska into Hiveswap’s timeline?  An “oops, all Vriskas” disaster?  I’ll keep this up to date with some of your theories and addendums under the cut as y’all reply/reblog and send in asks.  What exactly do YOU think is the eventual, silly-serious-or-both purpose of all this bullshit?

titenoute said: “There has been people thinking at the beginning of Hiveswap that the Portal could link the characters of Hiveswap to Earth C. Tbh, knowing that Earth and Alternia are going to be destroyed in Hiveswap no matter what it makes sense to have the possibility they’d survive this way, by going through the portal.”

Anon points out that Dirk could have the other side of a Hiveswap door on his end under the tarp he’s hiding from Terezi, and I had some thoughts on that in the link, including what he might use it for.

[deepdonutkid]

Nonsense

A/N:

This took me way too long! I’m sorry, I was stuck on the Polly part for a while after Helen’s death.

Even though there is a part in the middle, which I’m not really satisfied with, I’m still glad, I finished that chapter. I hope you like it. It’s a little sad for a story, that will later focus on... other stuff.

Tbh... I forgot, if Martha died from a disease or something else. That’s why this part is a little vague. But he will talk more about his dead wife much later in the story.

English is not my first language and this is not beta-read, just a small part of it! Thanks to @retromafia​ for helping me out on this chapter! You’re so lovely!

John as mental health issues, but it’s very different to those of his brothers!

tagging: @bonniesgoldengirl​ @theshelbyclan​ @justalonelyslytherin​

Masterlist Do you wanna touch

____________________

All fucking week he had thought about this date and her. John was distracted at work, at home and at the Garrison. His head was somewhere else, preferably with her, the beautiful Russian girl he had met a couple of days ago. He tried to keep this to himself even though he worried others would start to notice his weird behavior. Well, it was pretty hard to shut up about it, when he sat drunk next to his friends in the pub, but John wasn’t really ready to talk about this. It still felt so surreal like this encounter had never happened and it was all in his head. In addition to that, others- mainly his family- would gladly ruin this for him, before it had even begun, which was why he was so reluctant to talk about it.

They would ask him all sorts of stupid questions, which he couldn’t answer at all. He frowned and closed the book. Later he would meet the mysterious woman again and this was his only chance, since he didn’t know her full name or her address or another way to contact her. So he had to go there or he would go crazy thinking about what might have been. But there was a problem with that.

Of course there was a problem as nothing in his life could be easy. Not even once. However he refused to call his kids a problem. His dad called him like this more than once. And if John wasn’t a problem, his name was either accident or brat. Needless to say John was way nicer to his children than his father was to him. John loved all four of them. He really did, but… somebody had to look after them, while he wasn’t at home. So he had to ask either Polly or Ada and he didn’t know what would be worse.

His sister would spread the word of him having a girlfriend faster around than a disease. Maybe she would even spice up the story a little and add some drama just for the fun of it. Then he wasn’t out for a date, but to meet the woman he had impregnated or what else. And Polly, well she was the main reason he was scared to even mention his rendezvous. His aunt had the great talent to investigate his private life like fucking copper. Once she had sniffed something, she wouldn’t let go of it and kept bothering him.

Anyways he had to talk to one of them and the chat wouldn’t be a nice one. A choice between the foul and the evil. Ugh, he was in the mood to flip a coin. There were some on his desk. So why not? He looked around, if anybody was watching him, but he was alone in his office. Then he took a coin from the daily bets and tossed it. Once it was up in the air, he had made up his mind. The coin just proofed it. He should go to Polly and it would fit in his schedule as now was his lunch break and he would eat with the others anyway. If he would go now, he could still catch her alone in the kitchen. A grunt left his lips while he stood up from his chair. His pace was steady, but fast as he made his way through the betting shop. Luckily nobody noticed that he left his table a little too early.

He had never opened or closed a door as quietly as in this exact moment. “Polly?”, he had asked in a careful tone into the empty room. John heard movements from the kitchen. Suddenly her head peaked around the corner. “Yes, John?” She had emphasized every syllable as if he was stupid. Maybe he was just not ready to have this talk. On the other hand he had no chance. This was a now or never situation and he preferred now over never.

John gathered all his courage to approach her: “Would you do me a little favor?” All the sudden his hands were sweaty and no matter how many times he had rubbed them on his pants, it wouldn’t get any less smeary. Usually he wasn’t so nice and polite to his relatives. It was more like he had earned the title arrogant brat rightfully. He scratched his neck and gave her his best puppy eyes. And just to top it off his angelic smile, which had saved him many times before. Most of the times, he could avoid the consequences of his own actions with his charming smirk.

But today it didn’t help. Polly just shook her head. “What is it this time?”

“Just a little thing”, he began, then paused to take a deep breath and gain courage to exclaim his wish: “Can you watch the kids this evening? It’s really important.”

His aunt froze mid movement and starred at him. After a while she started blinking. Her glare was concerning. “Why this time? The last time was just a week ago. Another task from Tommy? He didn’t talked to me about this.”

John pressed his teeth again and shook his head. He looked at the roof and searched for the right words to explain his situation. Why was this so difficult? It was just a date. Yet it felt like so much more.

The Shelby sighed, while his hand was fumbling with his lighter in the pocket of his pants. “I’m meeting someone” was his short answer to a complex problem.

“Did Tommy ask you to?”, she asked once again. No matter if it was business or his private life, Polly liked to be up to date.

Again he shook his head. “No, not Tommy, but it’s still important. So would you please help me?”

Polly clucked her tongue and hurried back to the kitchen. John followed her and leaned against the door frame, waiting for his answer.

“Well, I got a meeting too, so you better change the appointment with said woman, because I don’t want to change my plans for you”, she replied, while stirring a pot. Afterwards she tapped the wooden spoon against the pot and turned around. “Lunch is ready. Better get your brothers, so we can eat.”

Apparently the conversation was over, because it really started, but John wouldn’t give up right away. “But I can’t”, he protested: “That’s the only night she is available and I don’t know how to reach her.”

Without looking at him, she walked right back into the living room and started putting dished on the table. “Ahh, see? I was right about the woman part… But why do you want to meet somebody you barely know?” Her question was reasonable.

John was so lost in his thought about her and yet he had no answer. No good ones. So he just said the next best thing: “I won a bet and I want to see her.”

Right when he said that his brother came in. Arthur widened his eyes and scratched his chin. “Want to see who?”, he asked. It was horrible how nosy his family was.

There was no peaceful day at the Shelby household. Never ever.

“He has a new girl, but he doesn’t know anything about her”, Polly retorted, before John even had the chance to answer himself.

Arthur chuckled and added: “Oh, Our John was never a man for talking. Right, John boy?”

They had to be fucking kidding him. It felt like he was sixteen again and started to meeting Martha. This was so embarrassing. John nodded slowly and gave his brother a false laugh.

“Well, we had other things to do”, John objected and it wasn’t quite the truth, but close enough. There was just no explanation why he was drawn to this woman, who was a stranger to him, but oh, those kisses really worked some crazy magic on him.

His brother burst out in laughter and slapped his hand on John’s back. “Oh, I know! I fucking know what you mean”, he exclaimed: “Why talk, when you can have fun with a woman?”

And right now, John couldn’t agree less. He wanted to talk with the mysterious woman, but she rushed off into the night before he could even say goodbye to her. Damn, he wished he knew more about her, maybe then he wouldn’t be so nervous right now. The Shelby didn’t feel like his usual cheeky, charming self, more like fucking train wreck.

His face got gleaming red, but he tried to act like was completely cool with it. And it wasn’t like he didn’t want to sleep with her. Gosh, what wouldn’t he give to spend the night with her?

“Pol, you see John’s face. He is red like a crayfish”, Arthur joked and pulled his little brother into a headlock.

Their aunt walked around them, very carefully as she was carrying the big steam pot. She sounded like she was mentally everywhere else, when she murmured: “Yes, Arthur, I see it- shameful red- but now it’s time for lunch, so release your brother and come sit.” Somehow Polly managed to phrase it exactly like their mom used to say it, even though she was only three years older than Arthur, but he’d still respect her.

So he did what she asked him to do and let John go again to take a seat at the table.

It was the perfect timing to beg Polly once again, because he didn’t want to have the same conversation with his sister. “Polly, Please”, he insisted: “I wouldn’t ask you, if it wasn’t really important to me.”

“What is so important about one woman, that you have the great urge to meet her?”

That was the question he was asking himself all week, but okay. Now he needed to come up with an answer or otherwise he would have to get comfortable with the thought he would never see her again.

He licked his lips as he assembled the words in his brain to a convincing answer. “She has…”, he began, but then he got lost again.

“Huge cans?”, Arthur purposed with a big smile on his face.

But John shook his head: “Not that, her tits are average, there is something else about her and I can’t say what yet, that’s why I need to find out…. Or I go crazy.”

He turned to Polly and put on his puppy eyes again. “Do you want me to go crazy, Polly?”

Pol pouted and sighed. “Fine, you get your will again, but that’s the last time and don’t ever bother me with this again.”

His eyes shined bright in the lights of success and more importantly… winning an argument with his aunt. “Thank you and I’ll never bother you again.”

The matriarch went her way around her reign and said to herself: “We’ll see about that.”

Now this problem found its solution, the next question popped up in his head. Where were his kids? Because he was so caught up with his date, he had forgotten to pick them up from school. It wasn’t a serious issue. Three of them could walk home on their own, but the youngest was a different thing.

In his memory of this day, he had left Katie here, but she wasn’t running around like usually. “Pol, where are the kids?”

“The kids?”, she observed: “Oh, the kids you want to get rid of? You mean… those kids? They are upstairs.”

John grunted. That was far from reality and his aunt should know that. “That’s bullshit. I don’t want to get rid of them.”

“Then act like you care for them once instead of fucking around and I might believe you”, Polly chided and gave him the mean side eye, while she filled the plates with stew.

And she acted like a real bitch lately, John wanted to add, but bid his lip to stop himself from saying something he would regret deeply. It was so annoying how she tried to make him feel guilty for having a night off. He was so sick of this. Either he was working or he was with his kids and he had little or no time for himself. Just the few hours when they were asleep and he could go to the Garrison for a beer or two.

“It’s just one date!”, he yelled, but then clenched his fists and swallowed his anger and repeated quietly: “It’s just one date.”

The room was quiet now. Nobody said or did anything for a while.

Then Polly started moving again and explained: “You should focus on getting a wife and not play around with some floosy girl… but you’re an adult now, John, so do whatever you want… just don’t drag me into your mess.”

John nodded and went upstairs to get his kids. Yes, he was still bitter about the things Polly said to him, but he wouldn’t let this ruin his day. After all he had plans. Maybe he gripped the banister a little too tight, well, at least he didn’t bellowed at his children, when he found them making a mess in his old room.

All four were sitting here and around them were all the toys they had. Most of them were his old toys or some from his brothers.

“Lunch is ready”, he grunted and waited for them to get up, so they would follow him. They just stared at him with wide eyes.

His oldest daughter was the first to talk: “We heard you yell at Aunt Polly…”

He didn’t answer instead he just moaned and leaned against the wall.

“You’re away tonight”, she added and tilted her head. There was curiosity in her eyes. It didn’t bother him, but something else did. She had the same eyes as her mother. Like a dagger it pierced his heart, whenever she gave him this look. Martha used to do this as well.

Slowly he nodded. He couldn’t lie to his kids at all. “Yes, but you’ll be staying here and Polly will bring you home, when it’s bed time.”

Breanna thought about this for a second and then like this whole conversation had never happened, she stood up and helped her little sister to get on her feet as well. “Well, it’s time for lunch now”, she declared and look at her twin brother: “C’mon, James, we still got homework to do.”

Now that she was standing, John could see how small she was actually. Sometimes he forgot, she was still a child, but the way she acted was different. His oldest daughter had picked up a lot from Polly and her mother, while he was in France. However he tried to not treat her like an adult. She wasn’t and her childhood shouldn’t be ripped from her. Breanna didn’t need to protect her siblings from anything and yet she still thought it was her job.

James on the other hand was quite the opposite. Loud, angry, such a brat, he picked up fight, whenever he could, much like his father at that age.

Luckily his older brother Colin was also a voice of reason and not as chaotic as James. Colin was the oldest and he didn’t actually talk much, but on somedays and with certain persons he wouldn’t shut up. Most of the time Colin did good in school, read a lot, unlike his uncle Finn who was just five years older than him. And more importantly… Colin did everything his father asked him to.

And then here was Katie, the youngest. Just three years old and a sweet girl, but she was of fragile condition. She was born prematurely and was also the reason why Martha died. John tried to ignore the fact, because even though she was the reason, it wasn’t her fault. How could she? She didn’t pick her time to be born. However from time to time, Katie managed to make him cry. After the war, he rarely shed tears, but every time she was sick and he had to go with her to the hospital, he lost his nerves. She was still his little baby and the thought of losing her too wrecked him.

They were all on their way downstairs and John followed them back. He held Katie’s hands while walking down the stairs.

The lunch was very silent. There was still tension left in the room, but John didn’t cared. Katie was sitting on his lap and they both ate from the same plate, like they always did. But it wasn’t a cute ritual, more like a space problem, with all the family members around the table, it was a little cramped. Too cramped for Katie to have her own stool. Another reason, why he needed a wife. So he and his family could eat in his kitchen and they would all have enough space again.

A part of John was worried Polly or Arthur mentioned his date to Tommy, who would gladly take the opportunity to ruin his day. His older brother would pick all the question, John had been asking all week and then make him look stupid in front of the whole family. But apparently Polly was too pissed about the fight to say anything that day and John thanked god for this.

Somehow Katie spilled the stew all over his pants, but he had no time to go back home and change his pants. He still needed to finish the books and after that, he could get dressed for his date.

So John sat in his office in a damp suit and tried to fix what he did wrong before lunch.

Maybe the luck was on his side today after all, because he managed to get everything done early. Somethings didn’t went as smooth as he had wished for, but at least it worked out so well, that he could go to the date and it was still a win for him.

As fast as possible without running he walked home and sprinted up the stairs to the master bedroom. Now he could change his cloths and he was indeed very happy about it. The stew had dried on his leg, which made his skin itchy. Basically he ripped his clothes off the second he arrived in his room.

“Fuck.” A curse left his lips, because he got stuck in his pants and almost hit the floor. Last second he got his balance back and then threw his pants in the opposite direction. He could care about this later.

First he had to clean the stains from his body. So he rushed to the kitchen, just in his underwear and rubbed his leg with a wet cloth. This had to be enough. With the time he had left, he couldn’t take a bath.

Back in his room again, he stood in front of the cabinet and picked the first suit he had in his hand. There was no discussion about this. Suits were suits and he had plenty of them, all of them looked good on him and she wouldn’t even mind, would she?

While he button up his shirt, he stopped all the sudden. What if she would mind? Slowly he walked backwards to the cabinet. Should he wear his Sunday suit? Thought and thoughts came rushing in. She seemed like a fine lady, but yet she agreed to meet with him. Maybe she wouldn’t, if it wasn’t for the bet.

He got headache since his argument with Polly and it got worse. Maybe he would go to the spot, where they should meet and she wasn’t there. The possibility, that she tricked him, hadn’t occurred in his mind until now.

Honestly, John felt so stupid, when he realized how weird the coincidence was. What were his chances to be so lucky? To meet a beautiful, wealthy and unmarried woman, who was also funny and charming and mysterious and he could find a ton more of adjectives to describe her? And then win the round and the bet, he had made with her? What were his chances for that? So either he was one of the luckiest men in this world or a goddamn idiot.

Or maybe… his mind tricked him. He was pretty drunk after all and in his twisted mind the details of this scene got lost. Maybe he didn’t win the round, but because he wished so bad for it, he had changed his memory of that said night. Maybe he was so lonely he made up this perfect woman, because he couldn’t bare his poor existence anymore.

And did he think about his stupid suit so much?

Yes, he was nervous, but this was no explanation for this nonsense.

Right now, John was freaking out about a woman he barely knew. It reminded him of a time, where he did the same thing… but with Martha, a girl he had known all his life. Back then and today he was well aware of why he was so nervous around his first wife. He loved her and he was afraid of saying or doing something very stupid.

But he didn’t loved that Russian woman. He couldn’t, not after only one kiss. It was impossible and yet the kiss felt so real. The memory of her lips was burned into his mind and it drove him crazy.

And he didn’t know, why he had this feeling, which wasn’t love and he didn’t even know what it was, and suddenly he had more questions in his head than he ever had in his whole life.

Usually, he didn’t think that much about anything. He wasn’t the guy who put much thought into every little thing that happened around him.

Everything he wanted to do now was to yell. He couldn’t even put his frustration into words anymore.  His head was full of white noise.

Barefooted he stood on the wooden floor of his bedroom, which he used to share with the love of his life. John took a few deep breaths and looked around. Everything was still the same. After the war he had no energy to change something in here, even though it was just fueling his mental health issues. There was still her cabinet with her dresses and her stuff and sometimes when he was particularly lonely, he felt the fabric and imagined her soft body under it. It didn’t smell like Martha anymore, but sometimes he wished.

It felt like suffocating. He couldn’t breathe nor cry, even though tears filled his eyes.

He walked over to his nightstand and looked at the photograph of her. “You don’t get to fucking judge me”, he whispered: “Like you always did. You died and I’m still here and I love you and I always will, but don’t ruin this for me.”

“You put all these questions in my head, so I’ll fuck up and ruin everything”, he argued… with his dead wife like she was there. And he could imagine her so well, standing next to him with her arms crossed in front of her chest and that piercing look in her eyes.

Even before she died, he talked a lot to her and about her and sometimes just to himself, but it just got worse, when he came home from France. He can’t handle the silence in the room nor the void his head. Suddenly he said with a soft voice: “I know, what I promised you back then and when I made that promise, I believed every word of it, but you can’t be the only woman I’ll ever love now. You are dead.”

He wasn’t there when she died and the worst part was… he hadn’t even known until he got home. Polly said, she was about to write a letter, but then she couldn’t, because she didn’t want to bother him, while he was in the trenches. Of course, he had worries, when he didn’t get a letter from his wife in months. John just thought she was mad at him, because she was pregnant again while he was away. And then he came home and his house was empty. No Martha and no kids. So he walked back to Polly’s Place and then she told him. His wife was dead and he was surrounded by his family, but he had never felt so lonely in the world.

To this very day, this memory haunted him in the worst way.

And yet, he refused to crumble right away. Not before it had even started. Life was going on and he refused to just stand there, while the time passed. He would walk, run away from this memory if he had to.

“Let me try it at least”, he bargained: “You don’t know her and neither do I. She could be a beast, a real bitch and maybe, just maybe I don’t want to see her again. And maybe I’ll do, but that’s not your decision. I make my own decisions now, because that’s how things work for the living people, Martha.”

It hurt to say her name, but he had to. The word had so much power over him and he took this power back, by saying it. Then he flipped the photograph over and walked back to the cabinet.

Without a second doubt he picked his finest suit and just like that Martha was gone. She would come back eventually, but right now he had other things to do. Like do his hair and drink a little sip of whiskey for confidence.

With a toothpick in his mouth, he left the house and walked the road. All alone.

[theyarebothgunshot]

ROSE I AM FREAKING OUT HAVE YOU SEEN THE PREQUEL STUFF???? WHAT IS GOING ON, my god... I was literally about to go to sleep, decided to check Tumblr one last time and see this.... what WHAT!! WHATTTT!!!!!! I don't even know if this is good bad or what but just JENSEN IS PRODUCING A SUPERNATURAL PREQUEL AND DEAN'S GONNA BE THE NARRATOR OR Sth LIKE???? -🐸

YEAH i am normal about this <3 (jk i am also freaking out) welcome to: people screaming to me in my inbox about prequelgate ft. j/2 fallout theory. let's goooo!

Another copypasta and suddenly chaos machine is full on gay I love this prophecy

you know whats funny i just checked the j/2 tag and i feel like for the first time in a long time they are starting to realise that maybe THEY should be the ones who are "gutted" *sips tea*

ROSE HOLY SHIT ROOOOOOOOSE ITS HAPPENING HOLY SHIIIIIT

YEAH

Nevermind just read prequel and well good luck I guess but just you know kind of bleh who wants to watch John Winchester well let’s have hope anyways

i know a lot of people are bummed out but i am kind of very excited actually?? i trust robbie and even though yeah j*hn winchester turned into a nasty abusive bastard, it can be interesting to explore how it all started (imo). it's just the first of many stories they can tell.

I can only accept this circus if it’s Dean telling the stories to his and Cas’ kids and then we have a revival to show that the whole finale was in fact the end Chuck wanted there Jensen I fixed it

i would not say no to this

heyloo bee anon here

um- wtf is happening?

jackles prequel series?? why? i want to be excited about this but sheesh im scared

because supernatural is never dead <3

okay, but, jensen... john winchester ≠ jdm, you don’t have to go /that/ hard for him 🙃

true true... though i am waiting for jdm to comment on this, please i need it

WAIT A SECOND J2 FALLOUT THEORY TRUE??

LMAO HELL YEAH BESTIE

Rose you really picked the worst time to sleep for real

bestie it was literally 4 in the morning, what do you expect from me sdfjsfhsf

I can’t literally can’t we were all right LMAO j2 fallout theory is real and cockles (Misha supporting Jensen) is [gunshots] I’m just laughing cause what the hell is this timeline we’re living LMAOOOOOOOOOO

we would always end up here <3

Do we have the copypaste anons to thank for JP basically confirming the J2 fallout? lol 🦚

yes, everybody say 'thanks annoying idiots!'

ROSE, WAKE UP, COME HERE,

THERE'S A LOT GOING ON FFS

YEAH I KNOW BUT I NEEDED SLEEP

Anticipating that there's going to be a lot of yelling about the prequel on here: I am cackling, but also, I mean, the first time Dean got a look into his parent's past, Cas was the catalyst: literally entered Dean's mind and catapulted him to the 70s. So idk, it's not completely unreasonable to expect some Cas cameos, maybe setting up a parallel timeline since Dean is narrating. What I'm saying is, this is Jackles, he's getting JDM and Misha in on this lmao -Honeymoon Anon

you were right lmfaooo also i fully agree. misha's tweet further cemented that thought for me. he knew about this prequel and i dont think he is cas-baiting us, i think he'll be involved. i'd also be obsessed to see jensen and jdm act together again (though idk who jdm could play seeing as it's a prequel and he is way too old to play young j*hn)

longlivethetribbles heeft gevraagd:

Heyyyyyy bestie, are you SEEING the absolute madness going on right now holy shit

well a little late but I SURE AM BESTIE

bestie wake up pls s16 finale just dropped.

- 🍯

and WHAT a great one it was

I love coming home from work to see all of the chaos unfolding on Tumblr and Twitter. I'm absolutely buzzing right now. I'll probably still be here by the time you wake up and check tumblr 😂 - 🐢

lmaooo and were you still awake?? did you see my freak out??

Oooh bestie wake the fuck up, I know you’re gonna be excited for this one jsnsjsj

god i had SUCH a morning like. it's 12:00 now and all i did since i woke up is check tumblr rip

short summary: jen and dee gain the rights, they post on ig/twitter about a prequel ft john and mary that no one asked for, the fandom loses its everloving shit as usual, they trend on twitter thanks to the beloved twt intern who missed us, misha qt’s jen about cas possibly benefiting from being in the prequel, then j*red qt’s jensen abt how his feelings got hurt by him not being told about a prequel his character as no involvement in & he initially throws a tantrum, and the rest is history - 🦋 anon (ps: i hope this helps a little, i’ve been scattered brained trying to keep up with it all night lmao so pls let me know if i missed anything, bug crew !!)

thank you so much darling i figured it out eventually but this is a helpful summary!!!

I hope you enjoyed waking up to all of this XD -🐢

i sure did!!! also that answers my question about you being awake lmao

I WILL NEVER EVER EVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR SLEEPING THROUGH ALL OF THIS DRAMA AND NOT EXPERIENCING IT IN PERSON I DIDN'T NEED THIS SLEEP - tea anon

well the party was still going strong this morning so im not TOO "gutted" see what i did there lmaooo

Now that you are caught up with the news... So idk if you remember this but...didn't jarpad tell jackles he was up for a reboot in an online panel? And jackles answered that this was news to him??

-🍯

yeah i think you are right but he was clearly joking and didnt expect jackles to actually be working on something already

J2 anon spare more of those anons let's finish this - tea anon

please, we're having a ball in this bitch

I saw a post on tumblr where someone said now that Kripke gave J&D the rights, maybe they’re starting with a prequel just to end on a reboot in years time and honestly ? I wanna believe that so badly. This is tinhatty but what if this is all calculated in a way that makes it so that Jensen is slowly starting to fix everything that was wrong with spn - now that he has the rights and he’s slowly making spn his own story ?! I mean he did say in his ig post he wants to ‘fill in the rest’ - and maybe Mary and John’s story is only the beginning of spn related content from J&D to come ??? Maybe he wants to give spn the justice it deserves ?? Thoughts ??

i dont think this is tinhatty at all i think this is very possible and not that much of a reach. i could see this happening yeah for sure

want to hear something funny. I found out I had a ruptured blood vessel in my eye because I was sending my friend a video freaking out when the prequel news dropped and I noticed the corner of my eye was red af. and when I got back online jared had tweeted.

DJFHSJD ANON THE CHAOS OF IT ALL, HELP, are you okay? <3

rose.. bestie... how are you feeling about The News? nsfshsf being european is a curse </3 🐞

i feel GREAT im living for it i feel on top of the world tbh (and yeah it really is dsjfhs)

What am I waking up to I can't WHAT I rested my eyes for like 5 minutes help *hits reblog button* - anon anon

yep yep essentially djfhs

“Jensen and Misha are Co workers who barley talk”

I can’t be sure of course but I’m fairly certain that this is the copypasta that brought the j/2 fallout theory back to life. Who’s apparently ‘barely talking’ now? skansjsjsj. It’s almost prophetic, these j/2 anons have superpowers I’m telling ya.

-poker face anon

next time we get one of them we should be thanking them lmaooo

ok, but are we gonna talk about the "When Daneel and I formed Chaos Machine Productions, we knew that the first story we wanted to tell was the story of John and Mary Winchester [...]"-quote because the way this is phrased implies they formed CHAOS MACHINE Productions with the intent of telling this story (first), i haven't been in this dumpster long enough but the name just tickles me in that Misha way, isn't it so sus??? am i missing something???? i mean with this announcement they SURE lived up to that name... 🧩-anon

you are absolutely right, chaos machine SCREAMS misha and we are all here for it!!

hey hey hey. joining the clownverse, there's no way THEE cas girl danneel doesn't know just how much the fandom loves misha and cas. so 2 + 2 = misha in the spn prequel!

AGREED

So I think I finally managed to catch up on wtf happened while I was asleep and my brain melted. What a shit show to wake up to.

Anyway thoughts.

I don't hate the idea of a Mary&John sequel. I think it has the potential to be good (It has the potential to be really bad too, so I'm kind scared).

🕯️🕯️🕯️ manifesting Mary being badass and John being kinda useless🕯️🕯️🕯️

As for the Jensen and J*red thing.

I can see Jensen not telling J*red even if they are still friends, because J*red is kinda good at accidentally telling Secrets. He could have told him right before he announced it so, so that J*red didn't have to find out from twitter. He was on the show for 15 years, he is bound to get asked about it. The public twitter meltdown was really unprofessional so. Like you have Jensen's number J*red. You could have sorted that out in private like a normal person, but instead you choose to act like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Is it weird that I'm actually going to be kinda that for them if the actually had a falling out, even tho I don't like J*red all that much. They seemed to be really important to each other and while I thought before that the might have triefted apart a bit, I didn't think that the where actively fighting.

- 🐌 anon

the thing is, the polite/normal thing for jensen to do was text him before announcing it on twitter. it's weird he didn't, and that makes me believe that maybe yeah they did have a falling out. especially with the way j*red responded to it on twitter. if he had no other reason to be this upset (no prior beef or falling out) you'd think that he wouldn't be responding like this. on the other hand, the man is a mysterie to me so who the hell knows. i'm not gonna mourn about it if they did/do grow apart because j*red is just.... awful imo.