#Jewish Humor

[kosher-toasty]

Hi everyone, since today is Erev Thanksgiving I just wanted to remind you that according to the Hampshirer Rebbe HaRav Yoshiyahu Bartlet it's preferable to call the Butterball hotline before nightfall

[shmoozy-jpg]

daily hot israeli girl affirmation: nothing is stopping me from just eating hoummus by the spoonful on its own. i can do whatever i want.

[dyingroses]

[frownyalfred]

"Bruce isn't really Jewish" right but if his kids come up to him and say "B, it hurts when I do this," he just looks at them deadpan and says "Then...don't do that." That's a Jewish king right there.

[sopranoentravesti]

My body is a temple…unfortunately, it’s the Beit HaMikdash and it’s the 70 CE Siege of Jerusalem…

[trying-to-jew]

Other Jews: *clever Jewish humor based on thousands of years of culture and history*

Me: We the Jeople (Jewish people),

[koshercosplay]

chag shavuot sameach!

[fromgoy2joy]

There’s another episode of “Humorous Jewish Car Adventures with My Father,” where-in he is upset that I’m converting from Catholicisim to Judaism and things go wrong and in my favor.

Yesterday, we are rushing to get to our Thanksgiving meal in the countryside where my grandparents live. The rest of the family is already there so it’s especially a rush. Christian music is blasting over the speakers as my Dad makes ominous statements about Jesus’ blood and sacrifice.

Then he pauses- “wait! That’s a car in a ditch!”

I look out the window- “oh. They look like they’re okay. No injuries.”

“No!” He insists. “We have to help them.”

My dad is the definition of a city slicker. He can’t screw on the lightbulb. I love his enthusiasm but there’s absolutely nothing he can do to help. But he turns his car around, and quickly parks along the side of this country dirt road. We get out.

“Is there anything we can do to help?” He asks and the people looming around their unfortunate car turn. And they very clearly happen to be orthodox Jewish.

And right behind us, OUR car starts to slide into the same ditch because it hasn’t been put in park.

And that’s how my Catholic father and I spent three hours with a rabbi and his kids on a holiday, making awkward conversation as the tow truck kept on getting delayed.

[fromchaostocosmos]

Bringing this back for Jumblr

[shmoozy-jpg]

if jews really could control the weather don't you think it'd be a little nicer out??? smh man

signed, a jew

[still-searching-for-something]

Fellas, I’m beginning to suspect antisemites have infiltrated the Death To Israel movement

[dragoneyes618]

[gaelic-symphony]

Hashem booping the Children of Israel:

[captain-acab]

The Jewish samurai swiftly picks up the shamash then places it back down in one smooth motion

two seconds later the rest of the candles on the menorah all ignite in a clean line

[papihomo]

As someone who grew up on Sound of Music, Fiddler on the Roof, Cabaret & Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat

I wouldve expected the rise of antisemitism, hatred and fascism to have WAY more musical numbers.

[koshercosplay]

remember guys, not everyone celebrates hanukkah! it's important to acknowledge those who choose to believe differently than we do. remember, the christian holiday of christmas (pronounced KRIS-moss because the T is silent, it's not that hard) doesn't fall on hanukkah every year. christians actually celebrate on december 18th!

chag christmas sameach to those who celebrate 🥰🥰🥰