#Jewish Humor
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jewish-joy · 2 days ago
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I was also wondering this, so I asked him this most recent shift together. He paused, considered the question for a moment, then answered- "I'll have to check my syllabus and decide then."
You heard it here first- newest update to the Islamic Calender. Ramadan is dependent on Ahmed's course-load. (He saw this post on a Youtube short and was amused by it, so he doesn't detest the weird tumblr coworker. He also only gets a quarter of his normal paycheck for the month, which is not terrible at all for vacation.)
(Also. My boss is still convinced I observe Ramadan.)
I recently got an on-campus job. During the interview process, I requested that I not be scheduled on Friday nights or Saturdays as I am a Jewish student.
My boss immeadiately brightened and rushed to explain - "Of course ! Of course! We want to accomodate you! We have another worker who takes off for Ramadan. Do you need to take off for Ramadan?"
I shook my head, incredibly confused. "Uh. That's. Not my jurisdiction. I'm good." Boss nodded but was sure to add "Let me know if that ever changes. We can help you with Ramadan."
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koshercosplay · 2 months ago
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alrighty folks buckle up for the fifth year of menorabilia ratings! I've scoured the internet (and my eyeballs) so get ready for the best and worst chanukah merchandise of the year
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okay first I just need to get these fuckin gnomes out of the way. ideally permanently. this guy's hat has so much going on I don't know where to begin. the menorah? not kosher. also wrong. the dreidels? certainly have,,, something written on them. everyone knows reindeer love chanukah, the lighting fires holiday. 5/10 at least it's got SOMEWHAT of a cuteness factor
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turning old CDs into fake sufganiyot is certainly creative bc that's the only explanation for those monstrosities that I'll accept. please don't spin your spontaneous combustion menorahs on top of your dreidels. it won't bring the next season any faster. 4/10 I'll put up with a lot if you're offering to pay for my netflix account
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they are Setting That Torah On Fire. is that why there's an oil jug next to a candle menorah. 6/10 the פ instead of a ש‎ on the dreidel is because the miracle is just the torah not bursting into flames
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this really puts the messy in messianic. it's got the wrong amount of branches. why is the shamash just two stacked cups. the cross looks like an airplane. oh god it also has the jesus fish. -76162802492/10 never knew a single image could contain so much No.
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some of these menorahs are kosher and some are not which really spices things up. what a fun little game of I spy for me. I enjoy the addition of various happy animals celebrating chanukah but were the santa hats really necessary? 7/10 that bottom dreidel has two נ‎s. none dreidel with left coins.
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I can acknowledge that it's an attempt to jewish-ize a christmas thing but tinsel is, unfortunately, occasionally, pretty. weird choice to have all the menorahs have נ‎s but sure. what's that? those are dreidels? wrong. take a look at the helpful next image of this item.
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do you see it yet? here let me help.
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clearly those are menorahs. we light them on fire and spin them as fast as we can. first one to die loses. 5/10 google is your friend
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move over fiddler on the roof chassidim with bottle balancing skills, here come some cats with impressive candle dexterity. this may not be a kosher menorah but their TAILS are the BRANCHES. 7/10 I am easily won over by the presence of cats okay
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canon jewish representation, a spinning dreidel, a kosher menorah, some chocolate gelt, and they're eating fresh latkes. I needed these yesterday. 10/10 rugrats my beloved never lets me down
(previous years 1, 2, 3, 4)
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shmoozy-jpg · 3 months ago
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if jews really could control the weather don't you think it'd be a little nicer out??? smh man
signed, a jew
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misguidedandperplexed · 2 months ago
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"average jew lights 3 candles the first night of chanukah" factoid actualy just statistical error. average jew lights 1 candle the first night. Candles Shammai, who lives in judea & lights 8 candles, is an outlier adn should not have been counted
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dyingroses · 10 months ago
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dragoneyes618 · 3 months ago
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frownyalfred · 9 months ago
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"Bruce isn't really Jewish" right but if his kids come up to him and say "B, it hurts when I do this," he just looks at them deadpan and says "Then...don't do that." That's a Jewish king right there.
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sopranoentravesti · 5 months ago
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My body is a temple…unfortunately, it’s the Beit HaMikdash and it’s the 70 CE Siege of Jerusalem…
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trying-to-jew · 11 months ago
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Other Jews: *clever Jewish humor based on thousands of years of culture and history*
Me: We the Jeople (Jewish people),
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jewish-joy · 4 months ago
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I will never forget the car ride where my dad was trying to convert me back to Catholicism, after I'd told him that I was actively pursuing Judaism.
He was waving one hand, when he professed- "Joy! You have to look for the signs from G-d! From the universe! Everything pulling you back in- back home!"
Then, the car rattled, crapped out, and rolled to a stop on the curb. Literally right outside was a synagogue with a huge Magen David stain glass window.
We were stuck there for an awkward two hours
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koshercosplay · 8 months ago
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chag shavuot sameach!
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fromchaostocosmos · 10 months ago
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Bringing this back for Jumblr
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todaysjewishholiday · 2 months ago
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Chodesh Tov, friends!
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gaelic-symphony · 4 months ago
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Hashem booping the Children of Israel:
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captain-acab · 1 year ago
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The Jewish samurai swiftly picks up the shamash then places it back down in one smooth motion
two seconds later the rest of the candles on the menorah all ignite in a clean line
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papihomo · 1 year ago
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As someone who grew up on Sound of Music, Fiddler on the Roof, Cabaret & Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat
I wouldve expected the rise of antisemitism, hatred and fascism to have WAY more musical numbers.
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