#chanukah ratings

[koshercosplay]

alrighty folks buckle up for the fifth year of menorabilia ratings! I've scoured the internet (and my eyeballs) so get ready for the best and worst chanukah merchandise of the year

okay first I just need to get these fuckin gnomes out of the way. ideally permanently. this guy's hat has so much going on I don't know where to begin. the menorah? not kosher. also wrong. the dreidels? certainly have,,, something written on them. everyone knows reindeer love chanukah, the lighting fires holiday. 5/10 at least it's got SOMEWHAT of a cuteness factor

turning old CDs into fake sufganiyot is certainly creative bc that's the only explanation for those monstrosities that I'll accept. please don't spin your spontaneous combustion menorahs on top of your dreidels. it won't bring the next season any faster. 4/10 I'll put up with a lot if you're offering to pay for my netflix account

they are Setting That Torah On Fire. is that why there's an oil jug next to a candle menorah. 6/10 the פ instead of a ש‎ on the dreidel is because the miracle is just the torah not bursting into flames

this really puts the messy in messianic. it's got the wrong amount of branches. why is the shamash just two stacked cups. the cross looks like an airplane. oh god it also has the jesus fish. -76162802492/10 never knew a single image could contain so much No.

some of these menorahs are kosher and some are not which really spices things up. what a fun little game of I spy for me. I enjoy the addition of various happy animals celebrating chanukah but were the santa hats really necessary? 7/10 that bottom dreidel has two נ‎s. none dreidel with left coins.

I can acknowledge that it's an attempt to jewish-ize a christmas thing but tinsel is, unfortunately, occasionally, pretty. weird choice to have all the menorahs have נ‎s but sure. what's that? those are dreidels? wrong. take a look at the helpful next image of this item.

do you see it yet? here let me help.

clearly those are menorahs. we light them on fire and spin them as fast as we can. first one to die loses. 5/10 google is your friend

move over fiddler on the roof chassidim with bottle balancing skills, here come some cats with impressive candle dexterity. this may not be a kosher menorah but their TAILS are the BRANCHES. 7/10 I am easily won over by the presence of cats okay

canon jewish representation, a spinning dreidel, a kosher menorah, some chocolate gelt, and they're eating fresh latkes. I needed these yesterday. 10/10 rugrats my beloved never lets me down

(previous years 1, 2, 3, 4)

[frameacloud]

Image description: The first image is a drawing by fox-teeth, and the second image is a photo of the actual menorah featured in the drawing.

In the drawing, the menorah has a tiny griffin reclining behind it. The griffin's foreclaws are folded peacefully, its eagle wings are raised, its lion tail curls in long loops, and its eagle beak smiles as it admires the menorah. All of the flames are lit, casting a warm golden light.

This menorah is covered in copper, with some details picked out in a contrasting color from either gilding or the black cast iron interior. The decorative back plate behind the lights has decoration in a Neoclassical style that was fashionable when it was made in Berlin in the 1830s. It's decorated with two griffins facing an altar where a flame burns. Description ends.

Happy final night of Hanukkah

inspired by a 19th century menorah in the collection of The Jewish Museum

[aguineapigcouldntdothis]

rating different ways that characters are generally revealed to be jewish in tv and movies made by (mostly) goyim:

B'nei mitzvah mention: 3/10, points taken off for laziness. kept some because it's an important event so I get why it's used

B'nei mitzvah scene: 8/10, can either be really good or really bad depending how accurate. honestly ranges from a 5/10-11/10

Chanukkah mention: 0/10, im so tired of this one its so overdone and it's always in the christmas specials. it can be done right but like that's only if jews are writing the scene

Pesach mention: 4/10, definitely a better holiday to use than chanukah because it's not done to death and it isn't automatically paired with christmas. points removed for the inevitable inaccuracies

Rosh Hashanah mention: 7.5/10 just for using a holiday that most people wouldn't think of or may not even know of

Literally any other jewish holiday: 9/10 how do you know about this who told you

Any jewish holiday scene: 7.5/10, which actually means it can range from 5-10 depending on how ridiculous and wrong the scene is making my rating perfectly average.

shabbat mention: 8/10, kinda love it. it's also really good for casual conversations because its a weekly occurrence so there's plenty of ways for it to feel natural when bringing it up in a script

shabbat dinner scene: 15/10 absolutely love it especially bc it shows character dynamics in a casual setting. if there's anything incorrect it doesn't bother me much because the ways people observe shabbat vary a lot

"im jewish": 10/10 straight to the point no notes love it

literally any mention of money/greed/power: -10/10 shut up shut up shut up why is your only jewish character rich and greedy and why is that their defining trait

antisemitic comments: -15/10 why can't you think of anything nice to say.

nose comments: -100/10 needs to be in a separate category because I hate it so much. somehow even worse when its a goyische actor wearing a prosthesis and caked on "jewish" makeup bc like how are you being fake racist rn

not even saying anything and just making it painfully obvious: 8/10, yeah that character's last name is goldberg so it's pretty clear and I like that. I do wish it was mentioned upfront though

brit milah mention: 5/10, its usually played for laughs which feels a bit weird but not weird enough for me to care. this is a true neutral

having them wear a kippah/magen david/anything visibly jewish from the second theyre introduced: 100/10 my favorite by far because it's made clear from the start and there's no question about it

[fuckyeahladybug]

Since it’s almost Chanukah, a holiday a lot of people celebrate by giving gifts to their friends and family, here’s a quick reminder that you can submit someone else’s fic to the Comment Exchange this holiday season! Here’s how it works.

1. Take a quick gander at the exchange’s rules. It’s all straightforward stuff, but here’s the tl;dr. Any fanwork with under ten comments is eligible, regardless of content or rating.

2. Choose a fanwork with under ten comments to submit. Make sure that the author is someone who would appreciate it! A fandom friend, perhaps. You can do this multiple times! The Comment Exchange limits you to five submissions per day.

3. Choose a fanwork to comment on. This is the “tax” you pay to submit a fanwork to the exchange. All works with under ten comments are fair game here, but the ideal way is to pick from works in the Comment Exchange AO3 bookmarks.

4. Fill out the submission form. This part is easy. It’s a one page Google Form.

5. Repeat up to four more times, or come back a different day and submit even more fanworks!

Happy holidays if you celebrate, and, as always, thank you to the moderator of the @comment-exchange account for creating such a fun, useful fandom space.

[magnetothemagnificent]

Jewish holidays rated by how much fire is involved:

Pesach: burn Chametz Erev Pesach, Yom Tov candles, candle to open the door for Eliyahu. 90% fire 🔥

Lag BaOmer: Big community bonfire. 100% fire 🔥

Shavuot: Yom Tov candles. 10% fire 🕯️

17 Tammuz: 0% fire

Tisha'a B'Av: Some eat ashes just before the fast starts. 10% fire 🕯️

Tu B'Av: 0% fire

Rosh HaShana: Yom Tov candles. 10% fire 🕯️

Tzom Gedalia: 0% fire

Yom Kippur: Yom Tov candles. 10% fire 🕯️

Sukkot: Yom Tov candles. 10% fire 🕯️

Chanukah: Lots of candles. 99% fire 🔥

10 Tevet: 0% fire

Tu B'Shvat: 0% fire

Purim: 0% fire

Shabbat: Shabbat candles and Havdalah candle 50% fire 🔥

[intothedysphoria]

Steve is awoken at like 3 in the morning by an incessant pounding on the door.

He shuffles into his slippers and pads down the stairs, baseball bat in hand just in case.

At the door is a weary, dishevelled Billy Hargrove who looks like he’s on the verge of collapse.

Steve, alarmed ushers him in.

Sara Harrington, who was never exactly the heaviest sleeper, is already downstairs, peering at Billy with concern.

She leans down to his level, already splayed across the couch and makes a halting attempt at the language she hates so much.

Billy, shockingly, responds in imperfect but recognisable Yiddish before passing out.

Sara’s response is both deeply troubled but also has undercurrents of relief woven in.

“You never told me you found a Jewish friend.”

Well, friend is a stretch and Steve had no idea until about 5 seconds ago that Billy was anything but Irish Catholic.

Joshua finds out three hours later, when he wakes up to find a boy he doesn’t know at his dining table.

That makes Billy freeze, hairs standing on end in the middle of reaching for a pastry.

He only relaxes again when Steve’s dad makes a terrible joke about breakfast food and sits down, completely unfazed.

Steve manages to park himself right next to Billy, frantically whispering as he tries to figure out what the fuck is going on.

Billy’s response is a shrugged “dad found out I still practiced and kicked me out”, as if that isn’t one of the most horrific things Steve has ever heard.

Billy joins them for Shabbat that evening, as it’s a Friday. It’s clear he’s the real deal and that leaves Steve’s head swimming with questions. Why the fuck did a man so obviously bigoted marry a Jewish woman?

They smoke together peacefully on Steve’s driveway, Billy blowing out a long billow of smoke up into the night sky. He shifts slightly closer to Steve. Almost looking like he might reach out but then moves away.

Billy moves in permanently with the Byers. Steve sees him frequently at Temple, bantering with the Rabbi. It’s weird but seeing him in this environment, Steve could never picture him anywhere else.

Steves not got a crush or anything. He just daydreams about kissing Billy after he gets back from Rosh Hashana services. Normal guy stuff.

One night Billy climbs through his window. He just wants someone to talk to. Joshua and Sara are out on a business trip so Steve puts on Bronski Beat and they dance. Sensual. Steve’s head is on a fairground ride.

He’s pretty sure Billy leans in quickly to peck him on the lips but it’s so brief it might have been a dream.

It all kind of snowballs from there.

Certainly in terms of pseudo (?) romance. Which Steve isn’t complaining about

Steve thinks he may be sleepwalking. He flips through pamphlets about coming out and all of them inevitably point the same flashing arrow straight to him.

There’s a lump in his throat when he comes out to his parents. They’re so supportive, almost aggressively so and it makes Steve’s heart swell.

Coming out to Billy is a different kettle of fish. Steves fully aware that he’s obfuscating the matter, especially with the way he’ll lean into Billy’s touch but it’s just scary. Terrifying really.

Eventually though, he concedes.

Billy’s managed to get him into the backseat of the Camaro. It’s nowhere near as x rated as particularly Robin was expecting, more just second base. Something like that.

Steve finally manages to break away from the kiss and declare “I think I’m gay”.

Billy’s face says no shit but he’s not a dick about it. Instead, he motions for Steve to go on.

There’s a lot of cliches Steve could use. A fuck ton. But he keeps it brief.

He mumbles that he loves Billy and waits for the other shoe to drop.

It never does. Not really.

Billy just says it back. And they carry on.

This isn’t quite a Pesach or Chanukah fic but tysm @kallisto-k and @slime-hoe for your lovely comments, I hope this Jewish Harringrove is ok

@shieldofiron @dragonflylady77 @oopsiedaisiesbaby @harringroveobsessed @runraerun

[groovebunker]

cc x fran fic masterpost

been meaning to do this for a little while - indulge me so i can pin it.

ongoing work

it's all there in black and white [teen - 4/?]

when newspaper editor maxwell sheffield wants to introduce an advice column, he pairs veteran political reporter cc babcock up with his newest hire, fashion columnist fran fine. the only problem? cc wouldn't take her own advice at gunpoint. oh, and she hates fran's perfect face and stupid laugh and general existence. there is that. aka the agony aunt au.

chapter one -- chapter two -- chapter three -- chapter four

i only liked a lot of things before i knew (the way i love it when you touch me now) [explicit - 1/2]

cc admits she's never been with a man who got her off. fran's nothing if not persistently helpful.

chapter one

can't reach the moon up above, don't dare touch the fire [explicit - 1/?]

cc's never been sure how to want things. fran's determined to show her how.

chapter one

what would you do?

what would you do (if they never found us out?) [explicit - 11/11]

after what was supposed to be a one time thing in the wine cellar, cc and fran find they can't keep their hands off of one another. but it's only because neither of them can get maxwell. right?

i. how it started -- ii. furious -- iii. do you trust me? -- iv. beautiful -- v. missed you -- vi. promises -- vii. i'm glad you're here -- viii. i've got you -- ix[a]. only bought (you) this dress so i could take it off. -- ix[b]. needing -- x. what would you do if they ever found us out

what would you do (the vignettes) [explicit]

i. the smoke gets in your eyes -- ii. while you were sleeping

the latke-verse

i like you (a latke) [teen - completed - 1/1]

fran doesn't want to show up to her ma's chanukah party alone. cc's fed up of seeing her sad since she got back from paris. no ulterior motives here, none at all. aka the fake dating chanukah fic.

seventh time is (hopefully) the charm [teen - completed - 1/1]

cc gets some help with valentine's breakfast.

won't you?

won't you just let me pretend that this is the love that i want? [teen]

there's a lot of things cc and fran never talk about. until they do.

won't you just show me the love that i need? [teen]

cc's never been good at being needed. unless, obviously, fran needs her.

won't you just give me the love that i long for? [mature - 2/2]

neither of them are sure how it's so confusing to be able to have what you want. until it's not.

chapter 1 -- chapter 2

won't you just show me the love i've been missing? [teen - 1/?]

sometimes, you have to go back to where you started for anything to change.

chapter 1

should be over all the butterflies [mixed ratings]

a series of vignettes set in the won't you universe.

august two thousand and nine: the fence -- two thousand and six: crossword -- two thousand: the beginning -- two thousand and three: the first time -- two thousand and seven: look after her -- two thousand and eleven: no such thing as bad thoughts -- two thousand and fourteen: how did you know? -- two thousand and seventeen: i wish you hadn't

one-shots (for now)

trick or treat (or: how cc babcock learnt to enjoy halloween) [mature]

c.c. does not like halloween. fran's absolutely not going to stand for that.

fran fine, sweater thief [teen]

five times fran wears c.c.'s sweater and one time c.c. turns the tables.

wise men followed the star (the way i followed my heart) [explicit]

when the phone rings at 11 on christmas eve, fran doesn't expect cc on the other end.

i want your midnights [teen]

c.c. does leave maxwell but that's not the only reason she runs away from the sheffield house. when she and fran end up at the same new year's eve party, can she convince herself to stand still?

i still see it all in my head (burnin' red) [teen]

soulmate au: the world is black and white until you see your soulmate for the first time. or: how red becomes c.c. babcock's favourite colour.

three minutes [teen]

fran finds someone unexpected on the other side of the table when val accidentally takes her to lesbian speed dating. unexpected but not necessarily unwanted.

black coffee morning on the east side [general]

fran's not sure what cc stands for. but she's absolutely going to find out. or: the one where fran's a barista and cc's a very beautiful stranger who drinks freshly brewed black coffee and blushes a lot.

[inimitablereel]

so you want to watch a Hallmark Hanukkah Movie

Last year @heliological and I watched all 7 Hallmark Hanukkah Movie that were out at the time (plus the one lifetime hanukkah movie, Menorahs and Mistletoe) to make a cool fanvid. Actually, you don't need to have seen any of these movies to watch that so I'm going to shamelessly stick that in the body of this post

I've just watched the two movies that came out this year, so, below the cut, my personal ranking of every Hallmark Hanukkah Movie (plus mistletoe and menorahs which I'm declaring an honorary hallmark movie)

Perhaps it shouldn't be surprising that watching 10 Hallmark* movies set in December means a lot of exposure to that other December holiday. Personally I avoid Christmas as much as possible, but I hear some people love it, so I'll rate each of these movies on 3 axes:

Hallmark: how much christmas is in a movie (higher is worse imo)

Hanukkah: how much this movie knew (or got wrong) about Judaism (according to me, one Jew on the internet)

Movie: okay but was it actually fun to watch (again, according to me)

Round and Round (2023)

Rachel gets stuck in a timeloop on the seventh night of Hanukkah. Hallmark: 1: Christmas barely exists in this movie, and every character we know celebrates a holiday specifically celebrates chanukah. A 1 instead of a 0 because there are a few moments of Christmas existing in the world (true to life in north america in december, unfortunately)

Hanukkah: 8: loses a point for a couple of incorrect props, but generally seems like it knows what it's doing about hanukkah/feels like a reasonable portrayal of Jews

Movie: 10: this is the only one of these that I told people irl to go see: I genuinely liked and would recommend this movie! I love timeloops, I found the romance genuinely very compelling and handled well with the context of the timeloop, it was really charmingly nerdy, so I'm 100% the target audience for this one. Dropout fans may note that one of the leads is played by Vic Michaelis.

Hanukkah on the Rocks (2024)

An old town dive bar turns into a Hanukkah party when just-laid-off lawyer Tory gets pulled into the community.

Hallmark: 0: I just finished this movie and I honestly don't remember there being any Christmas in it at all? It was mentioned as existing once? A real breath of fresh air as compared to the other Hallmark Hanukkah movie from this year

Hanukkah: 9: This gets bonus points for remembering that Jewish holidays other than Hanukkah exist. It was a little hokey at times about shared jewish experiences or whatever, but such is hallmark. Deducted the last point because I am mad about "Hanukkah in July"

Movie: 7: The description of this movie doesn't do it credit - it's surprisingly fun to watch! The main actors are pretty good and it was fun to watch everyone interacting. The pacing was a little wonky and the ending was a little rushed because this was way more focused on figuring out what you want in life/forming community than the actual romance plot. But I love the kind of romance that's actually a late coming of age story and this overall worked pretty well.

Hitched for the Holidays (2012)

Nice Jewish Girl Julie and Catholic boy Rob find each other on Craigslist looking for fake dates for the holidays. Shenanigans ensue when Rob pretends to Julie's family to be Jewish.

Hallmark: 5: this definitely had a fair bit of Christmas in it, since his family celebrates Christmas, but we're grading on a curve here because if I recall correctly this at least doesn't try to explain Christmas to the Jewish girl or do a kiss under a Christmas tree. It's set over pretty much the whole month of December so it's as much a new years movie as a christmas movie in that sense.

Hanukkah: 7: I'm giving this a relatively high rating despite it mostly showing Hanukkah celebration that's messed up on purpose as a joke about how the goyish boyfriend doesn't know anything about Hanukkah. So we get things like him blowing out a menorah, but hey, them including that as a joke means that the creators of this movie know that you're not supposed to blow out a menorah!

Movie: 6: I thought it was a pretty good romcom. It has a real plot arc, and it's doing some fun tropes. I will say that this movie runs on cringe humor, which I don't love but at least it's doing something. This is one of two movies I watched in 2022, so I may be underselling it a bit because I've forgotten, but it was actually pretty memorable.

Holiday Date (2019)

Nice Jewish Boy Ethan is hoping to get an acting gig in a play that involves small town Christmas, so he volunteers to pretend to be Brooke's boyfriend when her real boyfriend dumps her just before going to her parents' for Christmas.

Hallmark: 10: this is a Christmas movie that has a Jewish boyfriend

Hanukkah: 4? this didn't get anything wrong about hanukkah iirc but it's really not a movie about Hanukkah and it doesn't have a ton of screentime. They light some candles and have latkes and soufganiot

Movie: 8: Ethan's actor, Matt Cohen (who imdb tells me was on a few spn episodes back in the day?), made this movie. He was just shockingly charming and enthusiastic about everything in a way that made it somehow work for me even though I simply would not be anything like that level of enthusiasm in his place. And the fake dating plot worked pretty well. It does run into the classic hallmark conservatism, so even grading on a scale that ignores the Christmas of it all I don't want to give it full marks, but it was a notably way better, more cohesive, and more fun to watch movie than a bunch of these. This did make me say oh if I liked Christmas some of these movies would be fun vs many of the hanukkah ones are deeply mediocre in a way that isn't really fun, but that may mean if you have a tolerance for Christmas you have choices that are even better than this one. This one actually has the worst rating on letterboxd of every movie here, which, again, suggests that if you like Christmas there are better movies (with fewer Jews) and if you don't like Christmas this is so much Christmas.

Eight Gifts of Hanukkah (2021)

Who could be leaving Sara all these Hanukkah gifts? Surely not her good friend who used to be the boy next door. How will she choose between the mystery gift giver and the chef she just met online?

Hallmark: 2: I'd forgotten about this one honestly but it's really not about Christmas! They do have a half-Hanukkah-half-Christmas display because Sara's business partner is Christian, but honestly, it's pretty cute! The chef isn't Jewish but he doesn't force Christmas on her and is interested in her family's hanukkah celebration which is honestly very charming, so maybe this movie really deserves bonus points for knowing that Christmas exists but not being obnoxious about it

Hanukkah: 8: detracting some points for the JCC running a "Hanukkah hunt" which I personally hate. Also at one point someone carries a lit menorah? I don't think that's not kosher it just seems dangerous. Gets a bonus point for having a hanukkah song that isn't made up for the movie in it as instrumental background music!

Movie: 6: I have this in my notes as "perfectly functional romcom". Tbh this one may have been a worse watching experience just because I watched too many mediocre movies all at once, I think it was pretty okay. Also gets bonus points from me for not being set in NYC

Hanukkah on Rye (2022)

Jacob and Molly have a meet-complicated when they realize that the delis that they're both inheriting are competing .... but also secretly they've been paired up by a matchmaker at the same time.

Hallmark: 1: Tragically this is our last one that is not about Christmas. a 1 instead of a perfect 0 because the magical matchmaker who wears red and white and has glasses that glint in a particular way felt Christmassy to heliological, the Christmas Movie Knower of the two of us (also there's a Christmas tree in the lobby of the building they live in)

Hanukkah: 9: sure yeah this one knew about Hanukkah and was generally reasonably culturally aware. Detracting a point because their latkes do not actually look good to me (and imo deli latkes aren't really a big hanukkah thing?) but this is just me looking for reasons to mark it down [EDIT: apparently this is in fact an NYC thing, so like this movie reflects A Jewish Experience just not MY Jewish Experience]

Movie: 4: Unfortunately this one wasn't so much bad as boring, which is the worst crime in a movie imo. I wasn't super drawn in by the leads or their romance. Hallmark movies love having family screentime, but there was a little too much family in this one and they didn't really get individual personalities. If you're the kind of person who wants to watch a hallmark hanukkah movie you may still like it? Certainly some folks on the internet thought it was the best one up to that date. The one good part of this movie to me was that there was grandma yuri.

Leah's Perfect Gift (2024)

Nice Jewish Girl Leah loooooves Christmas (because she's been poisoned by living in a hallmark universe) so she's thrilled that her boyfriend has invited her to his family's Christmas celebration. Unfortunately, when she gets there, his mom is... not super welcoming?

Hallmark: 10: this is a Christmas movie

Hanukkah: weirdly, also 10? The problem with this movie is after about the first 15 minutes the fact that Leah is Jewish was almost never addressed again. (I'll get to that more in the movie section, I think it actually let down the plot.) But those first 15 minutes of establishing? They must've gotten some Jews involved with making this movie! In very little time they showed more Jewish culture (and Jewish culture that isn't specifically about Hanukkah) than several of these that were nominally all about Hanukkah. They know about another Jewish holiday! They namedrop Maimonides!!! The mom is PERFECT. Anyways wish this had been visible in Leah in the rest of the movie.

Movie: 6: hallmark is simply too cowardly to follow through on the premise they set up here: how do you navigate a holiday you don't celebrate with a family that really doesn't want you there. This was trying to thread the needle of things are going wrong for her because she's Jewish and doesn't have the right cultural expectations around Christmas ... but also all of the problems are specific to this family and will be dealt with by the individual problem causers realizing they were wrong (on their own) and apologizing. It's doing something as a movie! That's a bold choice! Unfortunately it doesn't pull it off, and the failure to pull it off made me go from liking to hating the boyfriend because he subjects Leah to the gauntlet of his garbage family Christmas and then doesn't really do anything to support or protect her. Leah should've gotten together with Tricia the general store clerk who as far as I can tell is only in this movie to hype Leah up and listen to her problems. Also thematically I would've liked more moments of Leah bringing her own background into this celebration - it didn't really feel like her failures at this family's Christmas were because she's Jewish or even because she doesn't celebrate Christmas - this family's Christmas was just very bad and weird.

Love, Lights, Hanukkah! (2020)

Christina is adopted but she gets a DNA test that reveals that she's biologically Jewish and therefore she obviously wants to reconnect with her birth family at the "most magical time of the year"... Hannukah.

Note: I watched this one in 2022 and it did NOT make a big impression so this will be my least accurate review

Hallmark: 6: I think there was a bunch of Christmas

Hanukkah: 7: I don't think this did anything egregiously wrong but it wasn't particularly good about Jewish rep either. There's a fundamental problem with your main character is adopted and her first view of Judaism is going to be all about Hanukkah...

Movie: 4: forgettable :p

Mistletoe and Menorahs (2019)

Christy loooooves Christmas and doesn't know anything about Hannukah but she needs to know about it for work. Nice Jewish Boy Jonathan needs to decorate his apartment for Christmas to impress his goyish girlfriend's father. Surely these are equivalently unknown cultures that they can have a nice time sharing.

Hallmark: 9: not a Full On Christmas Movie but it spends a lot of time Explaining Christmas

Hanukkah: 6: I don't think this is super informative about Hanukkah and doing it as a Teaching Experience when it's super basic stuff to me is kind of annoying. Also some truly garbage looking latkes made by Christy. But it gets the bonus point for knowing that another Jewish holiday exists!

Movie: 3: let's learn about Christmas was never going to be a compelling plot to me, and Christy is also just not very good at coming up with toy ideas for someone whose job that is? My notes say this is "pretty middle of the road for these" which is more damning of the whole Hallmark Hanukkah Movie concept than this movie in particular

Double Holiday (2019)

Nice Jewish Girl Rebecca is tragically forced to throw the office Christmas party with her work rival. At the end of this they do get together, obviously

Hallmark: 9: Sooo much Christmas. Did you know that dinosaur cookies are insufficiently Christmas for Christmas cookies? There is a kiss in front of a Christmas tree

Hanukkah: 5: they get big into spinning dreidels upside-down? Why. And their latkes don't look good. I don't remember them doing anything else Obviously Wrong but it wasn't good.

Movie: 3: I didn't like this one, which was mostly about the Christmas of it all but also it wasn't good

Congrats on making it all the way here Hallmark you should consider making a movie for Any Other Jewish Holiday sometime. My mom tells me that there is at least (and perhaps exactly) one decent Hanukkah romance novel so it's not like the options are so much better book-wise

[fleurywiththesave]

2024 HRPF Wrap-Up

I saw @sportspuckball do this and I think it's a great idea, so I'm copying. Here's a list of all the fic I've written in 2024 (which is the majority of my fic, since I only started writing in fall 2023). Most of my stories are mattdrai but I have one Vince Dunn/Adam Larsson series, so I've divvied them up by pairing below the jump.

Thanks for reading, friends, and happy new year! I've been genuinely floored by so many kind words and encouraging comments, and your support means the world to me. Stay tuned for new mattdrai bigwhump, coming to an ao3 near you in the next week or so!

Leon Draisaitl/Matthew Tkachuk

And Start Again (E, 29k) — The sequel to Pick It Up, Pick It All Up. Leon is an NHL player and Matthew is the trafficked omega the Oilers bought for him.

It's more than a slight change from Edmonton, but he's not mad about it. The Florida sand is an unwritten page, a fresh new start. But not without ghosts.

Come. and be my Baby (E, 9k) — rookie!Matthew and vet!Leon fic #1

Look, Leon’s not a robot. He sees the appeal.

There's Still a Heart Beating in Your Chest (E, 25k) — Homeless single dad Leon! Found family! Matthew works in PR and social media for the Blues!

Matthew knows that what he’s about to do is probably incredibly stupid. He also knows that that’s not going to stop him.

anything i have is yours now to borrow (M, 31k) — trigger warning for abuse/domestic violence

Matthew is always wearing the same thing: black pants, a long-sleeved white t-shirt with the company logo, and a solemn expression. No, not just solemn – sad. Leon wants to know why.

i got a bad desire (E, 20k) — rookie!Matthew and vet!Leon fic #2, but this time with a dash of the Battle of Alberta and more angst

Leon knows that he hates the new Flames rookie well before their paths actually cross.

it's the magical mystery kind (E, 6k) — dream fic, which is appropriate since I basically wrote it in a fever dream

Leon Draisaitl? Why on earth does his subconscious keep pulling up Leon Draisaitl?

Bend and Snap (E, 4k) — courtesy of that damn Pilates video

In which Matthew is the Oilers' Pilates instructor and Leon is going to stay professional if it kills him

The Third Miracle (G, 2.6k) — CHANUKAH WISHBABY

In which Leon and Matthew discover the true meaning of Chanukah

Tumblr Prompts (not rated, currently 28.8k and 43 ficlets) — a compilation of all my fills for Tumblr prompts (and a couple from friends)

Vince Dunn/Adam Larsson

It's You or None (E, 21k) — mob AU

Adam wasn’t paying all that much attention during prep for the operation, since Jordan promised he wouldn’t have to have anything to do with it, and he wasn’t really prepared to come face to face with Dunn.

Can You See Me Now (M, 2k) — Vince POV coda to It's You or None

The Blues take Vince back

[drivinmeinsane]

Lights : 12 Days of Goosemas

Day Four ❆ Henry Letham / Reader

{12 Days of Goosemas 2024 Masterlist} ※ {Regular Masterlist} ※ {ao3}

❆ Summary: Something about Henry Letham makes you feel as though you are a traveler in a vivid dream. ❆ Rating: No mature content. ❆ Content/Tags: Mention of suicidal ideation, Mention of self inflicted injury, Pre-relationship, Art student!Reader, No use of Y/N ❆ Word Count: 1537

Henry carries a cloud with him—a strange, dream-like aura that warps your reality and twists your thoughts until you don’t know which way is up. It’s enough of a sensation to cause even the most mundane interactions with him to be a strange affair. He is a reoccurring figure in your life, often appearing up in places where you would expect to find an art student—be it in eclectic coffee shops, rarity bookstores, or the discount bins of Columbia’s nearest craft store undertaking the quest for something that can be used in a last minute assignment you’d all been given in one of your classes. More than once, you’ve caught sight of his lowered head in a subway car or spotted the cherry-red end of his lit cigarette while he sneaks a smoke in the dark alcove of a thrift store you chanced to visit.

He is not unlike a ghost. He haunts the chambers of your mind with a persistence that none of your other classmates could achieve. More and more, you’ve been catching yourself thinking of him.

It only makes sense that you see a flicker of a dark coat sleeve followed by the wafting scent of tobacco smoke as a lean figure darts past into an alleyway, all long limbs and dangerously delicate wrists. Your specter has manifested into your shaky reality.

“Henry?” you call, reflexively taking a step to follow after your presumed more-than-an-aquaintance-but-not-quite-close-enough-to-be-friends friend. Your camera is clutched in your hands. The bag that normally holds it is dangling empty over your shoulder. For now, your project is set aside in the pursuit of something you’re not sure is real.

The man in question materializes in front of you out of the growing gloom caused by the sun’s decent below the towering efforts of humanity to live and work among the clouds for an ever higher view. For a foolish moment, you feel as though you summoned him into being with your voice alone.

He looks tired—worn down to the bone in a way you can hardly comprehend.

Who died? you wonder in the deep recesses of your mind, though you would never dare to give it voice.

“I haven’t seen you in class for a while. How have you been?”

Blue eyes trail over your face, mapping it into shapes replicable by human hand. His fingers twitch on the strap of the satchel digging into one narrow shoulder. The other—unburdened—one rises in a halfhearted shrug. His gaze drifts and he lights a cigarette as if he were a sleepwalker, vacant and hollowed into a mere shell.

“Looking for anything in particular?” he asks, a question in return for yours.

Your mind stumbles, struggling to make sense of his meaning. It clicks. He is drawing your camera into the conversational focus.

“Oh,” you say, words tasting clumsy on your tongue, “I was going to take some shots of that old apartment building over on Empire.”

“Any special reason why?” He says it with a tone of someone who had been taught to express polite interest.

“Chanukah.”

Comprehension dawns on that pale face. With genuine interest softening the starved angles, he asks, “Matthewson’s lighting project?”

You flash him a smile, pleased that he’s caught on so quickly. At the start of your shared courses at Columbia, he had always been one of the first to raise a hand and enter the fray in a debate or to provide an insightful remark. As the semesters have passed by, though, he’s seemed to grow more subdued. His sleeves have grown longer and his layers more numerous even during the warm months as he became more hunched into himself. The Henry that you had met has all but disappeared all-together in these past few weeks.

It’s nice to see a glimpse of his old self, to pay witness to the young man that had had such a spark of life in him. Impulsively, you make a decision.

“Want to come with me?”

Henry stands silent, rolling his thoughts over in his mind. His expression is carefully blank until he surrenders with slight tilt of his head. “Sure.”

His answer surprises you. You had really expected him to find a reason to fade into the growing night. You can’t help but smile at him, honestly happy that he has chosen to accompany you.

“Alright,” you say, “Let’s get a move on then. They’re going to start lighting the candles soon.”

Without allowing yourself to think too deeply about what you’re about to do lest your nerves get the better of you., you slide your arm around Henry’s. The two of you are locked arm in arm. There’s an irrational part of you that worries he will fade away somewhere between here and your destination if you don’t touch him. He stiffens as though he might pull away, but in another surprise of the evening, he relaxes into the contact.

The artist feels cold as a corpse and too thin. Thinking back all those semesters ago, Henry hadn’t ever been anything but slender, but it’s all too clear that he has not been taken care of himself for quite some time now. You can’t bring yourself to remark on it. It’s not your place.

Silently, arms linked, the two of you make your way down the block and across the intersection that gives way into the borough that is home to the apartment building you’re seeking.

“There!” you say just as Henry utters a soft, “Is that…?”

The old structure is a small thing nestled among the much larger and newer buildings crowding in on either side. The sleek, modern surfaces of the fresher builds are doing their best to swallow up any semblance of individuality, to consume it into the sea of inoffensively bland architecture. How dare anyone have a non-sanitized vision in the modern age.

Art is dying , you think, distant , becoming too commercial and here, in brick and mortar and steel, it has suffered the most.

“It’s sad, isn’t it?” Henry say s in a way that has you wondering if you had aired your pessimism over the steady roar of traffic and the sporadic honks of impatient drivers. All around, the sea of humanity floods on either side of you as if you were of no more consequence than two pebbles in a stream. In this moment, you feel so small. So insignificant.

“At least that’s still standing,” you reply and break the delicate connection between you and Henry. The space against your ribs where his arm had nestled feels empty now. It almost aches.

“Sometimes staying upright is the hardest thing in the world,” you hear him say, disjointed. It’s a dreamy statement, suitable for the night that has taken hold of the city.

There’s a part of you that expects to wake up any moment slumped over your battered desk, having stayed up too late in the effort to meet a deadline. Nothing about this experience feels real, not even the uneven concrete under your feet.

Humming in agreement, you raise your camera to your face and press your eye against the viewfinder. You adjust your stance on the pavement, unbothered by the bodies bumping against you. Even if you can’t see him, you can still feel Henry at your side. He is matching you step by step as you get into position. You might be insignificant in this world, but you are not alone, not in this brief moment.

In the dark, illuminated by thousands of lights, you work. You let the long exposure of the camera tick down after pressing the shutter button. It captures the flurry of the motion in the streets, on the sidewalks, in the windows, smearing into a blur representing mankind’s restless race to the end. But in the heart of the shot towers the steadfast visage of the apartments across the street in front of you. The gently flickering candles of the menorahs are set in crisp lines among the chaos. Despite the changes of the world, there are pockets of tradition that remain despite every attempt to wipe them away.

You lower the camera. Pleased with the images burned into the film, you turn to Henry with a grin. You’re startled to find him already looking at you with considering eyes. His lips are twisted into a thoughtful frown.

Before you can ask him what’s wrong, he beats you to the punch.

“I was going to kill myself,” he says, not any more concerned than if he were commenting about the color of paint he might like to use, “Tonight. At midnight.”

Your stomach swoops unpleasantly. You grasp at his sleeve in shocked silence. What is there to say? What should you say?

He slides out of your hold like sealant dripping off a canvas. There’s something almost tender—almost apologetic —in the way he brushes a thumb over your knuckles as he lowers your hand back down to your side.

“I’ll see in class Monday,” he adds, and then he’s gone as though he were no more substantial or tangible than the puff of your breath in the cold night air.

You will yourself to wake up.

You don’t.

<- previous day // next day ->

[is-the-thing-actually-jewish]

Hi, I’m a random non-jew (goy? Goyim? One is plural right? I’m sorry I’m stupid) and I just wanted to say thank you for this blog I sent it to my friend Alex who is Jewish and is always super frusturated this time of year by the whole channukah-as-jewish-christmas phenomenon in stores and things, and I just KNOW they’re going to love the screenshots I sent them

Your sense of humour is just like theirs lol

Are you going to make more posts?

Sorry for the late response!

Goy is singular, goyim is plural, and you’re not stupid it’s just a different language :)

We are going to make more posts–and as a side note for those of you who’ve sent us asks, don’t worry, we are working on responses! We have all of them, we are planning to respond to all of them, some just take us longer to research and draft than others.

The Chanukah Rating posts actually aren’t our work, though! Those are from the fabulous @koshercosplay

[koshercosplay]

I’m highly amused by this attempt at a Hanukkah dish towel 😆

I’ve also just realized I can’t tell if the circle things in the illustration are meant to be gelt or weird-ass latkes lollll

this towel is clearly being marketed towards people like me who put a minimum of 52,000 potatoes in their latkes. and sometimes that's still not enough. I question the ratio of potato to onion though

CVS stands for Chanukah Victuals Services

[cailynwrites]

Light One Candle by @xslytherclawx-writes

Bonus! A little Hanukkah fic featuring young Scorbus.

Light One Candle by @xslytherclawx-writes Rating: G Length: 9:29 Summary:

It's Albus's first Chanukah at Hogwarts

Listen now on AO3

[feygaleh]

hey jumblr send me your favorite chanukah movie :3

i want to rate them out of 5 stars and in general have something to do while im out of town

(you can also pick a tv show episode/special!)

[gerardwolfesfwart]

Happy hanukkah / חג חנוכה שמח

This piece features my OC named Rebecca celebrating hanukkah by lighting a hanukkiah, shes a character in a crimefiction comic im writing atm :) hope people like her as much as i do

Alternate blurred background version under the cut :)

The earrings are pretty much a copy of the ones at the bottom of this post https://www.tumblr.com/koshercosplay/736101473248739328/its-time-for-my-yearly-chanukah-merchandise

[gabolange]

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. spread the self-love ❤

I always love this meme, because my answers are always different! Here are today's.

acts of survival made generous (For All Mankind, Margo Madison, Margo x Sergei, 20K words, canon-divergence, rated T). An AU from the end of S3 in which Aleida doesn't tell anyone about the engines. A story of what it takes to forgive and move forward.

the wheel of the headlong year (Star Trek: Strange New Worlds, Marie Batel, Marie x Chris, 16K words, post-ep, rated T). In which Marie Batel survives the Gorn, but survival is really fucking hard.

for the possession of our smallest sensations (The Wheel of Time, Moiraine Damodred, Moiraine x Siuan, 11k words, post-ep, rated E). In which Moiraine loses the source, and struggles not to lose herself.

Tomorrow's Dust (Babylon 5, Susan Ivanova, Delenn, 2.5k words, future fic, rated G). Susan celebrates her first Chanukah on Minbar. A story of legends, friendship, and moving forward.

When the Long Trick's Over (Miss Fisher's Murder Mysteries, Jack Robinson, Jack x Phryne, 5.5K words, post-ep, rated G). I never know what goes in slot 5--there are good options. But someone recently told me this story is the standard against which they judge my writing (hi!), so you know. Jack Robinson follows Phryne to England. The logistics are the easy part.