#Jazztastic time | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

bottlesofrouge · 6 months ago

Text

on one condition.

harry styles x original character

part three.

word count: 14K

warnings: homophobia

29 JUNE 2018

whatever made lynn think an hour drive with harry would be fine could not have been more wrong. the two left his apartment complex approximately fourteen minutes ago and they've already argued over what song to play a total of three times and just how high the air conditioning should be set to.

lynn thought 72 degrees was a decent temperature, but harry wanted it set to 62. it wasn't her fault he decided to wear a sweater vest in the middle of june.

a text from jackie comes through on the screen of the car which lynn is used to. but this time, harry's phone was connected to the apple carplay, and he's quick to close out the notification.

"how's jackie?" she can't help but ask.

"she's good," harry's smiling at his phone. "even better in bed."

lynn grips the steering wheel so hard her knuckles turn white. "that's good."

honestly, lynn wasn't mad. there wasn't a single part of her that wanted harry for herself. he simply wasn't her type (nobody was her type). however, there was something a little unnerving about harry having an entire college campus full of girls to sleep with and still choosing her childhood best friend.

harry was meeting her family for the first time today and to say she was nervous would be an understatement. she could barely stomach dinner last night and opted to skip breakfast entirely this morning. he wasn't always the most polite person to be around, and lynn was terrified to see how he acted around children.

"we should probably kiss or something," harry pulls her from her thoughts.

"i'm sorry?"

"you know," he waves his hand in the air. "to make it more believable or whatever. we haven't been affectionate around my parents at all, and we've been seeing each other for nearly a month. do you think you can handle it?"

lynn scoffs, "can you?"

"i'm certain i'll be able to hold back the vomit," he says. "nothing too crazy, either. it has to look natural."

"don't be silly," she turns into the parking lot of the performance center. "most men would die for a chance to taste my cherry chapstick."

"alright, katy perry," he rolled his eyes. "try not to look so stiff."

"what's that su-" she's cut off by the sound of harry's door slamming.

when she meets him in front of the car, he takes her hand and leans in with that god-awful dead stare on his face. the kiss is quick, and feels like it looks natural. (at least she thinks so.) lynn hasn't kissed anyone in years. she doesn't want to overthink it, so she pushes it to the back of her mind as the two walk hand in hand to meet her family.

it was just peter, kathy, and amelia, but lynn felt like her heart was going to fall out of her ass as she watched him shake hands with each of them. god, they were going to find out. lynn would never date someone like harry.

"you must be amelia," harry says. "your sister talks about you an awful lot."

lynn watches as amelia smiles at his lie. she had told him her name eight minutes ago and that was literally all he knew about her. the group moves inside and lynn sits in between harry and amelia with her parents on the other side of her sister.

leaning her head against harry's shoulder, she whispers so only he can hear her. "what? no hot and steamy texts that need your constant attention?"

harry hums, "probably. left my phone in the car though. wanted all my attention to be on lane's dance recital."

"jane," lynn corrects. "her name is jane."

"same thing," he rests his hand on lynn's knee, squeezing just once. "now relax, blondie. we have an hour of 'jazztastical fun'," harry underlines the words on the program they were handed at the door with his finger as he speaks.

"that's a stupid word," lynn leans back in her chair, harry's hand still resting on her knee.

"looks like we can finally agree on something."

she wasn't sure what she was expecting 'jazztastical' meant, but surely, it wasn't supposed to be this boring. being in one of the youngest classes, jane was one of the first groups to perform, leaving another five groups to follow after.

lynn usually left the second jane's group was finished, meeting her in the parking lot with a bouquet of flowers and her favorite chocolate afterward. this time she brought harry, and she was going to make him sit through every last second. it was only fair. she's sat through two of his family dinners.

the second family dinner wasn't near as bad as the first. although, this one only consisted of marianne and gemma (and as soon as they left, jackie). marianne brought expensive wine that gemma said paired exceptionally well with the pastries lynn had gifted them.

harry had cooked for them, and it was actually good, just like their dinner conversation. the whole event was a lot more relaxing without john's presence and lynn couldn't help but wonder if that was a common occurrence in the styles' household.

when they meet jane backstage after the recital, she's disappointed to see lynn without her flowers and her usual chocolate bar. and of course, because she's five, she makes it well known to everyone in the tiny room.

"no hershey's?" she looks up at her sister through her thick eyelashes, and god, was lynn done for.

so, because she's lynn, she offers to take her for ice cream across the street. harry doesn't seem entirely against the idea, but he doesn't seem too thrilled either. maybe he had a date with jackie that he needed to get back for. the thought of that makes lynn want to offer to drop jane back at her parents' house and amelia at her friends' just to make him even later.

so she does.

harry and jane both get mint chip ice cream and surprisingly jane actually likes it this time. she couldn't tell if she was pretending because harry liked it, but the girl wasn't complaining so she wasn't too worried.

"are you lynn's first boyfriend, harry?" jane says around a spoonful of her green ice cream.

harry clears his throat and amelia nudges her little sister, "she had one when you were a baby, janey"

"your recital was so good, jane." she rushes to change the subject, and lynn feels her face growing hot because she didn't realize amelia remembered anything about her last serious boyfriend. they never talked about him. "i'm so proud of you."

"ive honestly never seen a better pirouette," harry says, and lynn watches as her sister's face lights up.

"i practiced really good because miss tina said i looked sloppy."

"it looked great, janey. i wish i was half as good as you when i was a dancer," he smiles so warmly at the girl, lynn thinks it might melt all of the ice cream sitting on the table.

"what?" jane throws her hands up in the air and screams so loudly that a little bit of ice cream flies from her mouth. "i didn't know boys dance."

"aiden?" amelia says. "he's in your class, jane. you see him every day."

"oh yeah," jane turns her attention back to her ice cream, and lynn notices she's just eating the chocolate pieces out.

when they drop jane off, she insists on showing harry her entire barbie collection which consists of a total of 68 dolls. whoever said you couldn't buy a child's love clearly has never met kathleen.

lynn leans against the doorframe of her little sister's playroom and watches as harry moves a little doll around while jane's laughing the kind of laugh that is filled with so much happiness it hurts your stomach a little.

and lynn wonders this is the side of harry that jackie gets. the one that has her going to sleep with sore cheeks just from smiling so hard all day. lynn knows that she's not the most approachable, and usually, she's rarely anything but cold, but she can't help but wonder why harry didn't like her.

"harrrrryyyyyy," the girl whines. "dance with me."

"janeyyyyy," he mimics. "i can't. i haven't danced in a few years."

"that's okay. i'll teach you again," she takes his hand, and lynn expects harry to shake her off and decline once again. but, he doesn't. he takes her hand and lets her lead. and lynn stays hidden in the shadows, watching every giggle fall from jane's mouth earn a grin so big from harry, she thinks they might be warmer than luke's sunshine smiles.

peter invites them to stay for dinner, and lynn was about to decline when harry speaks for her and says they would love to stay. apparently, kathleen had spent hours in the kitchen, which was more time than lynn had seen her cooking throughout her entire life combined. peter had said they do big family meals like this once a week, and something deep inside of lynn twists. it was like her father's words tried to erase every night she sat at the breakfast bar alone, eating a kid cuisine that elena had made for her before going out with her friends.

she feels like she's watching this entire dinner play out from a spectator's standpoint. she wants to scream and yell that this isn't them. this is an act that her parents are putting on, and she has a reason to resent them. she really does. she wants to grab harry by the shoulders and shake him. beg him to see right through them because she didn't want to be made out as being the hateful firstborn who does anything to spite her loving parents.

instead, she twirls the spaghetti around her fork and takes another sip of her wine.

"i'm sorry," harry says to her once they're on the way back to his apartment. it was late. the sun had set hours ago, and the only thing lighting up her car were the street lights they passed every few meters.

lynn hums and keeps her eyes on the road because she's not really sure what harry's apologizing for, and she doesn't think she can handle a backhanded remark right now. spending time with her parents took almost everything out of her.

"i blew off your sister's first recital because kids don't like me and i didn't want..."

his voice trails off, and lynn can't hold back the eye roll.

"it's okay to say you didn't want to go."

"to disappoint you," harry leans his head against the window as he speaks, avoiding any possible eye contact with her. "i didn't want to disappoint you. or them. i don't know... probably all three of you all. i was scared."

"jane really likes you, harry. amelia, too. you don't have to be scared around us."

"yeah?"

"yeah," the silence that falls around them is almost comforting in a way, and lynn almost doesn't want to break it but it feels right. "and you are so good with them. especially jane."

she watches the way he smiles to himself in the reflection of the window. the silence is back and lynn thinks it deserves to stay after a day like today. harry closes his eyes, only for a second before opening them again and offering lynn a bed to crash in because he's seen her yawn twice.

and really, who is lynn to say no?

1 JULY 2018

they have their third styles' family dinner at harry's parents' house. he spent nearly the entire drive over there on the phone with his dad, begging him to treat lynn with an ounce of respect. in the end, they weren't allowed to talk about college, jobs, promotions, or income.

the gesture surprised lynn if she was being honest. after the first dinner, she didn't really expect harry to stand up for her at all. and it's not like he needed to. she was perfectly okay with doing it herself.

they remain in silence for nearly the entire drive. nothing but the sound of rain hitting the car could be heard. she wasn't sure if she should thank him for speaking with his dad, or if he was doing it out of guilt after what lynn had witnessed when she got to harry's apartment.

she had walked in on harry knuckles deep inside of jackie, and turned right back around and walked out without saying a word. she took the elevator down and paced around the hallway for a second before sending harry a text to let him know she was outside. she wasn't sure if they knew she saw them, but when harry got into the car with pink cheeks and stuttered over his words, her suspicions were confirmed.

"i was thinking," harry breaks the silence. "you can choose the music for the whole ride. my apology for what you saw earlier."

"i'll play whatever i want," lynn glares at him. "you're in my car."

"damn okay," harry raises his hands like lynn's got a gun to his head. "now i see what jackie means."

"what's that supposed to mean?"

he shakes his head. "said you hadn't gotten laid in a while and you'd probably be uptight all night."

the way lynn swerves when the words leave his mouth lets him know that maybe what jackie said should have been kept between just them.

lynn doesn't end up responding, and really, she shouldn't have to. because jackie knew the real reason she hasn't slept with anyone in ages and she can't help but wonder if she shared that with harry, too.

"i'm sensing you're mad at me," harry says.

"congratulations! you know how to read social cues," lynn rolls her eyes, and the car goes silent again.

when they get there, marianne was in the kitchen preparing dinner while john was relaxing in the living room. lynn could say a thousand horrible things about her own father, but when kathleen was up and contributing to the household, peter was, too.

"lynn, so nice to see you," john smiles at her, but makes no move to get up from the couch. "mari said you brought some lovely pastries last time. i was hoping you'd do the same this time."

"sorry," lynn says. "didn't have time to stop today."

the conversation dies right there as john doesn't bother to reply, and lynn takes it as as sign to go offer her help to marianne. she wasn't the best cook but certainly she would be able to chop an onion.

and maybe she was wrong. because marianne hands her a cutting board along with a knife and a few different vegetables. she slices one carrot and cubes a single potato before the woman puts her hand on her shoulder and asks if she would mind helping harry set the table.

there were only four of them, and they were having soup. setting the table was not a two-person job.

marianne's phone rings while she's trying to take a selfie with the two to send to gemma and she accidentally answers it. an older woman pops up on the screen, and lynn guesses it to be harry's grandmother.

"mom," marianne turns around so it's only her in the frame. she's smiling so brightly, but her tone is a little off. "is everything alright?"

"i just had some free time and i thought i'd give you a call," the older woman says. lynn moves behind marianne to finish setting the table. "is that gemma back there? put her on. i've missed my favorite grandchild."

"that's harry's girlfriend, mom."

"oh... he's there?" the old woman's demeanor completely. she went from sounding so incredibly warm to sounding ice cold with the sourest expression on her face in a matter of seconds. when marianne says yes, the older woman hangs up the call.

"harry..." anne looks up from her phone to look harry who hasn't moved from the spot in front of her.

"it's alright."

"i didn't mean to answer," she says. "i would never do that."

"really, it's okay," he offers her a warm smile, but lynn can tell that it doesn't really reach his eyes. at least not the way it did when he was dancing with jane.

harry excuses himself outside and lynn can't help but to follow when he doesn't return a few minutes later. she finds him sitting on one of the outdoor couches marianne and john have on their back porch. there's an overhang, but the porch isn't entirely closed in, so she's certain he's getting a little damp.

"hey," she leans over the back of the couch. "you alright?"

"hm?" he turns his head ever so slightly to see who it was. "yeah. i'm fine."

"yeah?" because it looks like you've been crying, she wants to say. "you sure?"

"yeah," he leans his face against her hand that's resting on the couch.

so lynn moves it to his cheek, and then his hair, and then to his shoulders, and she doesn't really know why she ends up massaging nearly every part of harry she can reach, but she does. because harry's sad and something really, really deep inside of her wants to make it better.

the way he leans into her touch is so soft, so unlike him. or maybe it is like him. lynn doesn't know. whatever he gave her was surface level and she's certain the most she'll ever get out of him is his favorite color.

"ah, you guys compliment each other so well," marianne's voice comes through the cracked back door. lynn feels her face burn at being caught. and also because how long have they been out there? "i don't want to interrupt, but dinner's on the table."

"thank you," harry says when it's just them outside. it's quiet, and he's following his mom inside before she even has a chance to respond.

dinner is less painful than expected. john follows all of the conversation guidelines he agreed to. except for once, when he made a sly comment about getting a college education. lynn would've made a slight deal about it, but harry had been nearly silent the whole dinner. the only sounds that came from him were the occasional hums of agreement and the occasional scraping of his spoon against the ceramic bowl. she thinks an argument with his father might be just what he needs to set him over the edge.

marianne surprises them with homemade brownies, and lynn ends up eating harry's for him because he said he didn't feel well and she didn't want to hurt the woman's feelings. and also they were extremely good.

when they leave, lynn has the leftovers in her hands, and harry carries the weight of the million 'i'm sorry's that his mom threw at him before they walked out of the door.

"are you up for a little drive?" lynn asks once they're both in the car. harry's putting his shoes on her dash, and she decides that she can let it slide tonight. just this once.

"where to?"

"no where in particular."

"i feel like this is going to lead to my murder," he reclines the seat and leans back, eyes closing.

"ha ha," her voice is monotone."i just," and she knows she shouldn't be prodding, but lynn couldn't help it. she's never seen harry act like that in the entire month she's known him. " i saw the way your demeanor changed after that call with your grandmother."

"lynn-"

"i know. it's not my place. i'm not asking you to tell me. we can sit in silence, or you can put music on. i'm not picky." she looks over at harry. "driving around is what used to help me."

"okay," he says. "but can we get tea or something?'

"sure," lynn opens her maps to see starbucks is the only coffee shop still open and she apologizes for it, but harry assures her that it's okay. starbucks tea was his favorite.

when they get to the drive-thru, lynn's annoyed to see that there's not a single tea menu listed on the board. she asks for a green tea, and the barista replies, asking if she was looking for the emperor's cloud or the jade citrus mint.

"i'll have a honey citrus mint," harry says. "i think you'd like the mint majesty. it's caffeine free, too."

"yeah? okay," she orders the two teas and harry insists on paying because it was his idea and really, she couldn't complain about free tea.

they drive in silence only for a few minutes before harry reaches for her phone to put on some music. he shuffles one of the 1975's albums. lynn really wasn't sure which one it was because she never listens to them, but it wasn't bad. and neither was her tea. in fact, it was good. better than good even. she loved it. lynn would be lying if she said she wasn't curious as to how harry knew she'd like it.

"are you sure you like your tea?" lynn says over a song change. "you've barely touched it, and i don't mind trading with you."

"i know. i used to get it whenever i was sick." his thumb traces the lid as he speaks. "it's more of a comfort thing i guess."

harry's sitting with his hang hanging low almost like it was too heavy for him to hold up. he's either looking at his feet or his face is pressed against the window. seeing him like this makes lynn finally crack, "are you sure you're feeling alright?"

"when my grandmother called my mom today," his voice was scratchy, and he pauses. lynn's not sure if he was clearing his throat or on the verge of tears. "it was the first time i've heard her voice in a year. she doesn't really like me."

"does your stellar attitude have something to do with it?" it was meant to be a joke but harry seemed to find no amusement in it.

"no, it's because i loved a boy."

she laughs a little because harry was the textbook definition of a straight male. besides the fact that he's probably slept with half of the female population, his attitude gave it away. lynn looks over at him expecting a joking smile to be sat on his lips, only she's met with the most stone-cold expression she's ever seen on harry's face.

"oh," she clears her throat and sets her tea in the cup holder. she wasn't expecting harry to be so honest with her. "well, your grandma fucking sucks for that."

"you really think so?"

"i do. i also think that you shouldn't try and change yourself because of your family's shitty opinions... i'm referring to the whole jackie thing if that wasn't obvious."

"wise words, lynn, and your reference was very obvious...but i also like women," he holds his hands in front of his mouth like someone had just told him some life-altering secret. "i know. shocking."

"i read a book in my gender studies class called compulsory heterosexuality. maybe you just think you do because that's what society tells you."

"i am extremely confident when it comes to my attraction to women," he has a small smile on his lips. "would you like a demonstration?"

"and there's the harry i know," she smiles at him, and he only stares at her. "what?"

"i don't think i've ever seen you genuinely smile," lynn wants to say the same about him, but that would be a lie because she's seen him smile with nearly everyone but her.

"yeah, yeah," she waves him off. "if you ever need to vent about your grandmother, i'm all ears. and for the small price of another mint majesty tea, i can even pretend like it never happened afterward."

"you know me too well," he says. "thank you for tonight."

"any time."

"do you think maybe i could sleep at yours?" he asks.

lynn's immediate response is to say no, but she doesn't. she lets a few moments pass and then settles for an "okay, but consider this your warning."

4 JULY 2018

when lynn warns harry about her place, he expects it to be a little messy. clothes thrown around the room, an unmade bed, and perhaps a spider or two lurking in the corner. or maybe it was in a busy neighborhood with lots and lots of loud traffic.

it's neither. lynn's studio apartment is located in a nice, gated apartment complex, far away from any busy street with lots of noisy cars. it's cluttered, but also extremely clean. it smells like freshly washed sheets that were hung on a beach to dry, but also like warm vanilla (which was also how her hands smelled when he pressed his face into them).

there's books laying on a desk in the corner, each one with a dog-eared page near the end. two half-empty mugs sat in her sink, and there was a bouquet of wilting flowers sitting in the middle of the counter. drawings and paintings from jane were stuck on her refrigerator with alphabet magnets, and pictures of her sisters hung front and center.

her bed was in the corner of the room. it was unmade but still looked clean if that made sense. you could tell the sheets were frequently washed and didn't have an ecosystem growing in between one of the layers.

her duvet cover was white, but the blush pink sheets poked out from underneath. and there was a stuffed bear that sat against one of the pillows that had a little too much wear to be amelia's or jane's.

the whole apartment was nothing like what harry imagined lynn was like underneath that cold, hard front she put up. he expected her apartment to be sterile feeling with little to no signs of life. he imagined it to be bigger and practically unused. but this was different. it felt like a home.

he doesn't know what lynn's warning was for until he's wearing her clothes and laying under the blankets that sat on top of some kind of rolled up mattress that she pulled out of a closet.

lynn pulls a key off of her nightstand, and walks over to the door where harry sees the four deadbolts lined up. she locks every single one of them, and then gets into bed, gripping the key in her hand.

"should i be scared?" harry had asked. he doesn't remember the area on the drive in, but certainly there's not enough crime to warrant four locks on the door.

"no," was all she said before rolling over, back facing him. "goodnight, harry."

he so badly wanted to ask what that was about, but he doesn't get the chance because when he wakes up, lynn's gone. nothing but a note stating he has to show up to her family's fourth of july party in return for her hospitality the night prior.

harry could say she's slept at his twice before and he's willing to call it even, but he kind of wants to hang out with her sisters again. so, he puts the note in his pocket, and steals one of her hoodies before calling an uber back to his.

he wasn't really sure what exactly consisted of a family picnic because growing up, the fourth of july meant sparklers and staying up past his bedtime and that was it. there was no family get togethers, and only on special occasions were they allowed to go into town to watch the fireworks.

so harry googles it, and decides to bring a side dish along with jackie. really, she caught harry as he was walking out of his front door, and harry's not one to turn down an environmentally friendly car pool.

"this is my first adams' family picnic," jackie says on the drive over. "silas always raves about them, but i've skipped them so much. lynn's stopped inviting me."

"she didn't invite you?"

jackie shakes her head. "honestly, i'm not surprised. she's been so forgetful recently," she takes his hand and presses her lips to his knuckle. "but, im happy to get to spend some time with you."

"yeah," harry says before thinking. he was okay with people thinking he was in an open relationship, but he wasn't entirely sure if his or lynn's family fit into that category of people. "actually, jackie, i don't know if we should in front of lynn's family."

the girl mumbles something under her breath and looks out the window.

when they get there, lynn's not answering her phone, so he follows jackie through the side gate into the adams' backyard. he wasn't sure what he was expecting, but it definitely wasn't lynn's entire extended family.

"harry, i'm so glad you could make it." kathleen seems to appear out of nowhere and hugs him. she kisses both of his cheeks and then moves to jackie and does the same to the girl. "and jackie, it's so nice to see you. it's been forever."

"it has, miss kathy," jackie grins. "thank you for having me."

"you know you're welcome anytime. and you, too, harry. you must be pretty special to lynn if she's kept you around this long."

"she's pretty special to me, too." harry smiles to hide the way his entire body cringes at the words, and hopes kathleen doesn't notice. he felt so awkward and out of place, and he didn't realize just how much effort lynn put into this whole thing. she was the one who usually took the lead and guided him through these conversations with her parents, and he felt he was a little too far in over his head without her.

what if he said the wrong thing and their parents found out everything was fake? he'd quite literally have to off himself if anyone found out that he was playing pretend with a girl his mom had set him up with at his big age of twenty one. that would be the worst thing to ever happen to him. even worse than the make shift intervention.

"how about we grab a drink?" jackie asks. her brow's raised and she has a smile on her face. harry thinks he'll need quite a few drinks to stomach this party, so he nods and follows her to the coolers.

a hour or two later, harry's stumbling through the sliding glass door that leads to the house. he's not really sure how much time has passed, but he's certain of two things.

1: he really needed to find a bathroom

2: one more drink and he would be borderline obliterated

jackie's behind him, wiping her wet feet on the mat outside. they had been sitting with their feet in the pool, sharing drinks supplied by peter and kathleen and sipping little pink whitney shooters jackie kept in her purse "for emergencies".

the two run into lynn in her parents' kitchen after leaving the bathroom. she was leaning over the counter, pouring some powder into a very expensive looking kitchen aid. silas, who harry didn't expect, was standing behind her with his hand on her lower back.

"hey you two," jackie draws the attention of the pair, her words slurring together.

"oh, jackie," lynn doesn't bother to turn around but harry can see her glance at silas. her voice is so monotone, and she doesn't even try to hide her lack of enthusiasm. "glad you could make it."

"figured you just forgot to text me," jackie raises her brows, and then a little quieter she says, "that seems to be a common occurrence lately."

silence floods the room for a second before silas steps away, extending his had to harry. "i'm silas," he says. "it's nice to finally meet you. lynn always has nice things to say."

jackie laughs loudly at this and harry feels so incredibly awkward. obviously there was some unresolved tension in the group, and perhaps he shouldn't have let jackie carpool with him after all.

"i could say the same," harry shakes his hand, and goddamn, did he have a grip. if silas squeezed any harder, harry thinks there wouldn't be a bone in his hand left unbroken.

"i hope so. she shouldn't have a bad word to say," silas's voice is so cool and even as he walks back over to lynn, pulling her hair from her shoulders. "had an accident a few years ago."

harry looks to see lynn smiling one of those rare, warm smiles she gave him that night in her car, but this time her smile's for silas. "resulted in a very unfortunate bob."

"hmm," jackie hums next to him. "wasn't as bad as your bang era."

harry clears his throat when he sees the very noticeable grown out bangs framing lynn's face. "i um-," he rocks back and forth on his feet, the pink whitney and beer bubbling up in his throat. "i made a pasta salad, but i think i left it on my counter. i'm going to-"

"what the fuck is going on with you, jackie?" silas turns around and has his back resting on the counter. his arms are crossed in front of him and he watches as lynn leans into him, her hand resting on his chest as she tries to whisper something to him. "lynn, no. she should go."

no one says anything, and harry cannot stop looking at the way silas stands behind lynn with his arm now wrapped around her, holding her against him like she needed some kind of protection.

"silas is right," lynn's voice is soft. "i'll pay for your uber, but you really should go. you're drunk."

"you're both crazy. i'm not drunk."

"we're crazy?" silas steps toward her. "jackie, you're the one who's been fucking lynn's boyfriend."

harry waits for one of the girls to correct silas because harry was lynn's fake boyfriend, but neither do, and harry can feel the cold sweat forming as the realization hits. jackie thought it was all real.

he looks up at lynn, and the look on her face was enough to make harry feel like he's been punched in the stomach, and he can't believe he was the cause of it. he wouldn't let things with jackie go as far as they did if he had known.

harry doesn't say anything when silas walks jackie out. honestly, all harry could think about was lynn and the thousands of ways he needed to apologize to her. maybe it was all the drinks, but he felt so, so guilty.

she's turned away from him, her attention back on whatever she was baking. "do you need any help, lynn?"

"i think you've done enough." as the words leave her mouth, he doesn't feel so bad anymore.. sure, he slept with jackie, but he always assumed she knew about their arrangement just like silas did. there were plenty of opportunities for lynn to tell him that she didn't and that the two seeing each other made her uncomfortable, but she never did. he wasn't going to take the blame for something he didn't know about.

"and what have i done exactly?" she starts pouring the batter into cupcake tins, and ignores his words. "it's okay to say you want me all to yourself, blondie."

"in your dreams, harry." she turns around finally, licking the spoon in a way that has harry's jaw going a little slack. "go do something. you're bothering me."

he hums for a second with his finger tapping his chin like he was actually pondering it, "i don't think i will."

"silas is outside. you could go see how many of my friends you can get to sleep with you."

"i'll think about it. he's not really my type."

"i thought you could always appreciate a good body," harry can't help it when he cracks a little smile.

it's quiet for a beat, and lynn goes to put her cupcakes in the oven. she's wearing a pair of jeans that fit her in all the right ways and when she bends down to slide the pan in, harry can't help himself. "why do you think i'm still sitting here?"

he hears lynn scoff, "i'm not sure what's more unappealing. your personality or the way you always seem to reek of a three day old hangover."

"not true. your father said i smelled lovely when i was sandwiched between him and your mother last night."

"i'll make sure to ask them about it when we're all having lunch," she stands with her back against the oven, now facing him. "maybe we can get the whole extended family's input?"

harry shakes his head and sighs. he leans against the breakfast bar, slouching over counter a bit. "i thought we were going to be more civil with each other, lynn,"

"you think fucking my best friend was going to have me kissing the ground you walk on?"

"how was i supposed to know you didn't tell her?" his arms are crossed in front of him. "you have silas all over you like a goddamn blanket and you expect jackie to think you're in love with me? come on, lynn."

"that's right, harry. blame everyone but yourself," she moves so she's opposite harry, palms smacking the granite counter. "have you been drinking?"

"yes?"

her eyes narrow. "you know, i'm starting to think your grandma was onto something when she stopped speaking to you."

harry sucks in a breath and he feels like the wind's been knocked out of him. he's drunk and there's tears pooling in his eyes, but he can't look away from her. lynn's staring at him with the coldest stare. like she meant every word she said.

"go fuck yourself, lynn." he flicks her off and turns on the balls of his feet, walking back out the sliding glass door. regret comes seeping over him because god, did he want to go home. he really shouldn't have had that much to drink.

he decides on going to sit in his car. he'd sober up and then goes to his parents. listening to a lecture from his dad would surely be better than sitting here and having to act like he wants to be anywhere near lynn. he was so incredibly stupid for thinking that a pointless car drive and a cup of tea was going to change anything about the relationship they had already established.

harry was so good at pretending to be someone he wasn't. he always tried to come off as someone who was always calm and kept himself together. he was confident in just the right ways, and everyone he met loved him. or at least what they saw of him.

there were plenty of people on campus who would say hi to him if they had passed each other in a hallway. they were friendly, not friends. and that was the perfect way to put it. he held everyone he met at an arm's length away.

harry spent years perfecting this stupid act he put on for nearly everyone he met, so he doesn't really understand why lynn seems to be the only person in the world that doesn't fall for it.

"harry!" he looks over to see jane sitting on the raft in a pool, a juice box in one hand and a popsicle in the other. "come push me around."

harry walks over to the edge of the pool, crouching down to be eye level with her. "well, aren't you bossy?"

she laughs and kicks her feet and it's so contagious, he can't help but smile. he doesn't realize the girls' grandmother is with them until she speaks from one of the lounge chairs, her face hiding behind a magazine.

"takes after her sister. that's why she has no friends."

harry's heart jumps in his throat when he sees the little girl start blinking rapidly through her pink flamingo sunglasses. so, he does the only logical thing he can think of, and gets in the pool with his tshirt on and sunglasses in his hair.

when he comes up, jane's peering over the arm of the floatie with a smile that's so big, harry decides he can look past the wet cotton sticking to his skin. "alright, sunflower. tell me where you want to go."

"sunflower? i'm not sunflower! i'm jane!"

"but, you're always so bright and happy, janey," harry laughs. "like a sunflower."

"mmm, okay," and then she offers him a bite of her popsicle which he would have declined in any other situation, but he did not want to see the little girl cry today.

he pushes jane around the pool like he's her personal servant for what feels like forever. she loved asking to go in to the deep end where harry could barely touch. the water would go up to his ears and he'd act like standing on his tip-toes was the most strenuous activity ever. her laugh drowned out every huff and puff her grandmother made, and harry felt like he could finally breathe when she got up and went somewhere else after asking harry if he could watch the little girl.

"how long can you stay under there?" jane says. "go under and i'll count."

and so harry does, and when he comes up, jane's at twenty seven and lynn's standing over him with her arms crossed in front of her chest.

"are you fucking kidding me?" her voice is quiet yet there's so much anger in every word she says. harry doesn't even know what he's done wrong. "you're embarrassing me. get some dry clothes on and act like the grown adult you are."

"lynn, i-"

she leaves before he can even ask what's going on, and when he turns around jane's looking at him with big eyes and her hands clasped together under her chin. "can we please play mermaids, harry?"

"of course, sunflower."

peter comes to collect jane later. it was time to eat and he had made her a plate. he offers to make harry one, too, for keeping jane busy while "the adults had fun" (as if he wasn't an adult himself). harry politely declines, and instead takes a seat in a lounge chair, wanting to do nothing more than to dry off.

and to also end whatever the fuck this thing he was doing with lynn had turned in to. they were supposed to be in a fake relationship in order to help stop their borderline insane mothers from meddling in their love lives and instead, harry was surrounded by fifty people he didn't know while lynn was god knows where. probably inside somewhere with silas's hands all over her.

it didn't make sense. why would she even bother to invite harry here when she all planned on doing was staying as far away from him as she could while leaving him to fend for himself. he knew five people here if you included her sisters and her grandmother that he had met briefly at the pool. he didn't even know her name yet he would go as far as to say he hated her for what she said around jane.

"hey, man," silas is sitting at the end of his lounge chair. he's got a pile of neatly folded clothes in his hand that he's holding out for harry. "i've got a change of clothes for you and dinner's ready if you're interested."

harry holds up his hand. "thanks, but i think i'll actually be going. you can tell lynn that this is done."

"listen," silas clears his throat. "lynn is my best friend, and i love her, but she was wrong for not telling you that jackie didn't know."

"you don't have to try to side with me or try to be my friend, silas," harry blinks. "or whatever you're trying to do really. i'm okay with you pretending i don't exist. just like lynn does."

"i'm not going to pretend you don't exist, harry. you two can talk when she wakes up from her nap." silas reaches out with the clothes again, and harry takes them. "meet me in the kitchen when you're ready. i got this new beer from the brewery in town you should try."

silas leaves and harry sits there for a second because what the fuck just happened? he half expected silas to rip his head off and call him a few nasty names before kicking him out of the party, and the other half thought the guy was just going to punch him in the face.

harry debates on calling it a night and going to his apartment instead, but a drink would be nice, especially if it was on silas's dime. so he changes in the bathroom and then meets silas in the kitchen where he has a two plates made and set in front of two cans of some kind of cherry pie cider on the breakfast bar.

"wow, silas," harry says. "are you wining and dining me?"

the guy laughs, face buried in the refrigerator. when he turns around, his arms are full of different condiments and he closes the door with his foot. "these stupid parties used to be so overwhelming for me. i used to always eat in here alone, just so i could have some peace and quiet."

"why are you doing this?" they're sitting next to each other now. silas stops eating, and wipes his mouth with a napkin before turning to harry.

"because you remind me of myself, and i know how hard these things were for me when lynn first started inviting me."

"It's..." harry doesn't really know how to explain how he's feeling, so he turns his attention to the pasta salad that was probably a hundred times better than the one sitting on his kitchen counter right now. "i don't know."

"a lot?"

harry nods. "i just don't think i'm a very social person."

"cheers to that," silas raises his can. "just because you and lynn aren't really together doesn't mean you should feel uncomfortable here." harry thinks if he responds, he'll end up crying. so he doesn't. instead he pushes his food around on the plate, appetite gone.

"pete asked me to start a fire afterwards if you wouldn't mind helping." silas continues, and harry nods.

when they're finished, the two boys go outside with a new cider in hand to where the fire pit was and start the fire that lynn's father had asked for. really, harry started it while silas sat and watched. he didn't mind though, harry was in eagle scouts growing up and building fires was probably the only thing he was good at.

when the sun begins to set, lynn's family moves few by few from the patio and pool area to sit around the fire. silas introduces harry to some of lynn's extended family members, and he starts talking to her aunt cece. she introduces him to her wife like it was nothing. and really, it shouldn't have been a big deal or anything. harry was just used to the judgmental stares and comments made by his family. it never really crossed his mind that entire families could be so accepting.

when his grandmother found out he was dating a boy, she refused to come to any family function he was at. the same with his aunt, uncle, and cousins. the two didn't want their kids around someone like harry.

jane squeezes between the two to sit next to harry on the bench, and she rests her head against his arm. kathleen's sitting across from them, and a few minutes later lynn (and silas of course) sit next to her.

"it seems like you've made a friend," kathy says.

"best friend," jane corrects. she sits up and smacks her hands on her lap. "nana said i didn't have any friends."

"what?" lynn's voice comes from across the fire. "when did she say that?"

"at the pool," jane's grinning. "but i know she was just joking with me. harry said he was my best friend when we were playing mermaids.

harry feels his face warm at her confession. "and i meant it, janey."

the little girl smiles at him in a way that makes it impossible not to smile back.

"we need to have a best friend tea party on saturday. with lots of sunflowers." she says, and then she sighs. "mom you said i could have chocolate if i ate all of my salad and i did."

the way her train of thought changes so quickly makes harry laugh.

i'll get you some, jane," lynn stands up from her spot and harry's quick to do the same and say he'll join her.

"lynn," he calls her name once they get inside. she's a few steps ahead of him and makes no move to answer.

"lynn," he tries again. "can we talk, please?"

she turns to look at him when they're both in the pantry. "there's nothing to talk about, harry." she bends down to get something on the bottom shelf, ignoring him once again.

"there is," he says. "because i don't want to do this anymore."

she tilts her head. "do what?"

"this," his hand is moving between them. "whatever this is. us. i can't do this anymore."

she rolls her eyes at this. "you can only pretend when it benefits you. got it."

"that's not-" his voice breaks, and he's been trying so hard to hold in everything all day. it all just feels too much, and he shamelessly wipes the tears as they fall. "do you not hear the way you talk to me? why am i always in the wrong?"

"sleeping with my friend and being so drunk you're swimming around in your clothes doesn't seem wrong to you?" she faces him with her arms crossed in front of her.

"what? that's not what happened."

"right," she rolls her eyes again and goes back to collecting what she needs. "this act is pathetic by the way."

harry doesn't understand how they even got to this point. he was hoping they'd have a little break up. he'd go back outside and say goodbye to jane, and maybe silas because being around him wasn't as bad as he thought it would be, and then he'd go home.

she turns her attention back to whatever she's been trying to reach for the last few minutes. harry's eyes follow her hand to see a box of graham crackers pushed all the way to the back of the shelf before reaching up to push them into her reach. he wasn't much taller than her but the extra few inches helped.

"your grandmother said jane was annoying and bossy," he feels his throat burn as he speaks and decides to leave out the part where she said that she was just like her sister. "i saw her face when she heard it, and i panicked. i didn't want her to think about it for another second, so i jumped in."

it's so quiet, harry can hear the way lynn swallows at his words. she says nothing though, so he decides to keep going. "you know that one phrase someone said to you, and maybe they didn't mean it, but it still sits in your head? i didn't want that to be hers. i'm sorry for embarrassing you, lynn."

"it hit a little too close to home for you, yeah?" lynn says, realization written all over her face.

"the hurt that comes with hearing someone you admire and love so much say those things about you..." fresh, hot tears are sliding down his face. "i'm trying really hard not to be mad at you because maybe you don't get it, but what you said earlier-"

"i know. it was horrible," she drops the smores ingredients on the floor so she can wrap her arms around him. "god, i'm horrible."

"did you mean it? what you said?"

"when we were in the car, yes," she pulls back so she's looking at him. her hands are still clasped behind him, fingers gently brushing against the nape of his neck. "i meant every word i said that night. but today, you brought jackie, and i didn't want her here. the things she said, and the fact that you two were sleeping with each other...i took it out on you when i shouldn't have. im sorry."

"i didn't know that she thought-" harry doesn't really know why he's sobbing so hard, but he can't stop. the rest of his sentence is stuck in his throat.

"i know," her hand cradles the back of harry's head, softly guiding his face into her shoulder. "i am so, so sorry."

they stand in the pantry for a little while. harry's face is pressed against her neck, and her hands are rubbing his back. she's gently rocking them side to side and harry feels a little sick for letting himself melt into her so easily. he's crying because of her, yet part of him knows he'd let lynn make him feel the way she did today a hundred times over if it meant she'd hold him so close that he could smell the vanilla on her skin.

"what i told you that night, it's not something i usually share," he says, voice a little scratchy. "i really don't want it brought up ever again."

"it won't be. i promise."

harry steps back, palms pressed to his eyes. "i'm sorry for crying this much. i just need a second."

"you have no reason to apologize," lynn's bending down to pick up the items she dropped. "i really am so sorry, harry."

"i know you are. it's okay," harry takes a deep breath and then grabs the chocolate bars from her, holding them in the air. "i think we've kept jane waiting long enough." he reaches for lynn's hand before opening the pantry door for the two. when they step out, peter's standing in the kitchen, staring at them. he's got a beer in his hand, and harry can tell by the way his eyes are glassed over that he wasn't really tuned in on their conversation.

lynn doesn't even acknowledge her father's presence. instead, she wraps herself around harry's arm and pulls him outside with her.

he roasts jane's marshmallow with lynn sitting on his knees, and after hearing harry say he likes his burnt, she decides that she does, too. which makes everything easier for harry and everything harder for silas who took on the chore of building the actual s'more.

when they're finished, lynn leans back against harry's chest, voice soft, "do you think we could be okay, or is tonight it for us?"

he looks over to see jane sitting on silas's lap, her hands and now silas's shirt covered in sticky marshmallow and decides that he could tolerate lynn's mood swings if it meant getting to experience this kind of normalcy again. honestly, today wasn't really normal. it was messy and chaotic and everything that comes with having a family this big, but harry misses the crazy family reunions and loud birthday dinners that came with his own family and maybe holiday picnics like this could fill that void.

"i think we could be okay again," the intensity of his voice matches her, and he can feel her relax into him when he speaks.

the group moves to the park where lynn and harry first met to watch the fireworks put on by the neighborhood. halfway there, jane starts whining about her legs hurting and that's how harry ends up with her on his shoulders.

marianne and john are there when they get there, and they're sitting on a blanket and talking to gemma and drew. harry can't remember the last time his parents came to the event, and he can't help but wonder if that was because they just never invited him.

amelia joins them, too, leaving her group of friends. she takes jane from harry, and silas follows them, leaving only harry and lynn to share the blanket she had brought.

when the fireworks start, she's sitting next to harry with her head on his shoulder and her arm wrapped around his. her fingers are brushing against his knuckles, and when she leans back to look at harry to see if he's enjoying it, he's already looking at her.

his free hand reaches for her face before he dips his head down and kisses her. if she were to ask about it later, harry would say it was because both of their families were around. not because he wanted to.

(he kind of did.)

22 JULY 2018

growing up, summer was harry's favorite season. summer meant longer days full of warm sunshine. it meant spending the weekdays at his nana's house, sitting poolside and eating the delicious homemade ice cream she made for him and gemma. her two favorite grandchildren, she used to say. he spent saturday mornings at soccer practice and afternoons at oliver's house where he'd stay until sunday evenings. his mom always picked him up with a hot meal ready for the jones family.

as he grew older, saturday morning soccer practice turned into rehearsing lines over breakfast with oliver. he'd driver them both to the boy's house (or occasionally his) friday after school and they'd leave together the following monday morning where they'd stop at the small coffee shop across town to get oliver his favorite coffee. really, harry hated coffee, but a hazelnut latte made by nora always made oli smile. and he loved seeing him smile.

maybe that's why weekends spent together went from playing video games in his parent's basement and sleeping on old recliners to sleeping in the boy's bed with his face buried in harry's neck, his lips pressing soft kisses on his shoulders.

so, by the time harry was a teenager, he not only loved summers, but he also loved the boy that he swore hung the stars in the sky and painted the grass green.

his favorite were the lazy afternoons they'd spend in his bed. the sun would peek through the blinds warming their skin, and oliver would mumble something about how they really needed to wake up before pulling harry closer and closing his eyes again. they'd wake up when his mom would come home from work, and they'd meet her downstairs. she always stood in the kitchen, standing over the stove and wearing a smile that was warmer than the sun outside.

harry practically spent his sophomore and junior year living at the jones's house. that family made him feel seen and safe and loved and so many other things, but not a single one of them was bad. his parents were so incredibly supportive of not only oliver, but harry, too. they always sat center of every single play he was in, regardless if oliver was in it or not.

his mom used to take the sweetest, most love-filled candids of the boys (some of which harry still had saved on his phone in a hidden album), and his dad even got him him first ever job working at his landscaping company. the jones's opened their home and their hearts for him in a way that harry would be forever grateful for for the rest of his life.

sometimes he thinks about reaching out to them, and offering the sincerest of thank you's. but every time his finger hovers over the send button, he decides against it, remembering the way the two looked at him the last time he saw them.

they had picked him up from his first ever party after he called them absolutely obliterated, even though it was in the middle of the night, and even though harry had broken their son's heart a week prior.

he cried in the backseat on the way back to his parent's house. he doesn't know how many times he said he was sorry, but mrs. jones looked over her shoulder at one point, saying, "we are, too, harry."

so, now, harry hates summer and it's long days and short nights. each excruciating minute of daylight that passes is usually spent with nothing but his thoughts and the cheapest bottle of hard liquor he could find.

harry had created the perfect routine.

4PM: wake up

4:05PM: get drunk

9:30PM: make an appearance at a party

3:00AM: contemplate his existence

3:03AM: spiral

3:05AM: go to sleep

the familiarity of it all was almost comforting.

however, all good things come to an end because at 1:20PM on this sunny sunday afternoon, harry was crouched next to an overflowing trash can, watching jane look for him from across the park. the sun was beating on his black t-shirt, burning the skin of his back, and he could feel the sweat droplets already forming on his neck.

the park was packed with kids. most of them were still dressed in their sunday best with a pair of ratty old tennis shoes on their feet, and he guessed it was the after church rush. they were loud and obnoxious, but watching the grin grow on janey's face as they made eye contact made every second spent here worth it.

a month ago, harry would have rather killed himself than be at a place like this, especially on a weekend. he hated the heat, he hated the noise, and most importantly, he hated kids. well most kids, with jane and amelia now being the only exceptions.

when he first met them, he thought that he would have to sit next to the two at an occasional family dinner and maybe laugh at a few of jane's unfunny jokes. and really, that was how it started, but it wasn't soon after that harry began to realize that lynn's parents weren't really as present as they seemed to be.

after jane's first dance recital, it was only ever lynn and harry in the crowd. she never invited him to family dinners, and she was often late to his own, usually meeting at his parents house after having dropped her sisters off at their house. when gemma had asked if they wanted to grab a drink with her and andy, lynn couldn't because her sisters were sleeping over and she couldn't be out late, and when she did make it to a lunch (which was during gemma's short lunch break), it was only because amelia agreed to watch jane for the hour.

both of the girls had their own drawer full of clothes at lynn's place, and there was three sets of shampoos and body washes in her shower accompanied by three loofahs hanging on their own hooks. she had a carseat for jane in her car and an old booster seat hidden in the top of one of her closets which harry guesses to be amelia's from years ago.

he felt bad that all of these responsibilities were dumped on lynn, and he felt even worse for jane and amelia. harry decided that he could sit through a few barbie movies and color a few pages in a coloring book if it meant lynn could have a break, and jane wasn't left to entertain herself.

the little girl ran towards him, giggles falling from her mouth as she did. jane leapt towards him when she was close enough, her arms clinging around his neck and her feet around his waist, "found you."

"you did," harry's fingers tickled her sides. "let's go get that ice cream i promised you."

lynn went into the bakery today, and harry had so graciously offered to relieve her of her babysitting duties. really, he owed her big time. lynn had went to check on harry after he had intentionally been ignoring her for a few days, and she unfortunately walked in on him and some girl from the bar.

if that wasn't embarrassing enough, harry cried as soon as her saw her standing in the doorway with her face in her hands. he still blames what happened next on the liquor, but he didn't really remember much of that night (like who the girl was, when she left, how he got dressed, and why lynn was sitting on the edge of his bed). the feeling came bubbling up in his throat so quickly. he felt almost frozen, and ended up throwing up all over his bed and all over lynn.

that only made him cry harder. it was the kind of sob that dug deep into your chest and came back up feeling like it was ripping you apart from the inside out.

lynn showered first, and harry sat against the bathroom door, offering thousands of drunken apologies and also a pair of his most comfortable sweatpants and an old tshirt that was so worn it felt silky. they didn't speak at all after that, but after harry's shower, he was greeted by a freshly made bed and the faint sound of his washing machine running.

lynn was under the covers of his bed and harry could see the blush pink sheets bunched around her waist. she set her phone down when she saw him, and patted the spot next to her. "i was coming back from doing laundry at my parents, and i didn't know where you kept your spares."

he could only muster up enough strength to nod before collapsing into bed next to her. she was looking down at him, and he felt like she was looking down on him, too. he cried some more.

harry expected lynn to leave, but instead she rolled on to her side to face harry. she rested her hand on his cheek, her thumb wiping away any and all tears of his that fell. she smelled like him and his bed smelled like her and everything was not enough yet so much at once. he was absolutely exhausted. so, harry let his eyes close and fell asleep to lynn caressing his face with her fingers softly running against the back of his neck like they often did. it all seemed a little too intimate, but when harry woke up, lynn was gone, and the two hadn't spoken since. she never texted or called and harry was too embarrassed to be the one to do it first.

"i want the green ice cream like you," jane says. she's sat on his hip watching the worker scoop out his double scoop of mint chip.

"you don't like mint," she scowls at him. "how about you get the chocolate chip? that way we're still matching with the chocolate pieces."

"hmmmmm," jane taps her finger on her chin like she's in deep thought just like lynn does when she thinks. "i guess so."

harry hands jane her ice cream, and moves to the counter to pay. lynn's bakery was just around the corner, and he knew that she would be joining them when she was finished so they could go back to his apartment for her car, so he orders a third ice cream for her (chocolate with rainbow sprinkles). she had ordered it the day he had met her family at jane's dance recital, and he figured it was something she liked.

"you were right," she talks with her mouth full of ice cream, and it makes harry's skin crawl.

"about what, sunflower?"

"this is good," harry can feel her feet kicking under the table. he wishes he could be that young again, where his biggest worry would be wondering if he would like chocolate chips and vanilla ice cream together.

he sees lynn walking through the door over jane's head. she's got a finger pressed to her lips and harry can tell she's walking on her tip toes. she walks slowly all the way up to their table, and wraps her arms around jane from behind.

"hi baby," she kisses the top of jane's head before moving over to harry and doing the exact same thing to him. "and my other baby."

her arms are warm against his skin, and he can feel her lips in his hair before she moves across from him and takes a seat next to jane.

her hair's pulled away from her face, and she has flour dusting her (harry's) sweatshirt. she smells like strawberries and her usual warm vanilla, and when she sees the third bowl of ice cream on the table, she looks at him with a smile warmer than her skin sitting on her lips.

"how was work?" harry asks. he pushes the chocolate ice cream towards her, and she scrapes the sprinkles off and into jane's bowl.

"it was so good," she says. "i had quite a few orders to catch up on."

she speaks so slowly. the words are falling off of her tongue like they're honey and she's leaning all the way against the wall, like the weight of her was just too much for her hold up for a second longer. harry doesn't think he's ever seen her so relaxed.

"mom's coming to get you, jane," lynn speaks around a spoonful of mint chocolate chip ice cream.

"can't i just stay with you?" jane's folding her hands together in front of her face. she's looking up at lynn with big eyes and her bottom lip pushed out. "please?"

"no, i'm spending time with harry tonight," harry expects jane to ask again, but she just sighs, turning her attention back to her ice cream.

kathleen comes a few minutes later. she's dressed in a freshly pressed business suit, and she walks in on what seemed like an important phone call. she only mutes it for a second, just long enough to ask harry where he planned on taking lynn to dinner tonight.

"i'm cooking," harry says. really, he could not recall a single plan they had made, and he can't tell if there was actually something they were supposed to do.

"oh, she'll love that," kathleen deadpans, almost like lynn's talked bad about his cooking before, and then she leaves. no thank you to harry, and no thank you to lynn, who spent more time with her children than she did.

"classic kathy," lynn stretches her arms above her head, and yawns. "thank you for watching her, and for the ice cream... and for letting me have some of yours, too."

harry smiles, and then, he really can't help himself, "you spend more time with jane and amelia than she does."

"and that's why i've kept you around," she says. "you don't know how many times i've gotten out of babysitting by saying you had something planned for us."

"and here i thought you liked having me around, lynn," she gives him one of those warm smiles again. one so bright that harry can't help but to smile back. "do you want dinner? we can get takeout on the way to mine."

"okay," lynn replies. "my treat."

and really, who was harry to argue with that?

✮✮✮

lynn sat on harry's couch, her feet tucked underneath her. she had a container of lo mein in one hand and a pair of chopsticks in the other, and her eyes were focused on the tv where harry was scrolling through the netflix recommended tab for what felt like the hundredth time.

"are you on something?" harry's voice comes from the other side of the couch. his eyes are glued on the tv screen as he speaks, finally settling on some new release that lynn hasnt even heard of.

"what?" she raises her eyebrows. "what makes you think that?"

"you seem so relaxed," he shoves a spoonful of rice into his mouth, and the way he holds the spoon is so childlike, lynn can't help but laugh. "what?"

she shakes her head. normally, she'd love to make a little dig at harry, but after what happened the last time she was over, she didn't know just how far she could push him. "i like my job, harry. that's all."

and it was true. she loves her job, especially the long days she gets to spend in the bakery with the lights so dim she could barely make out the order sheets that were left behind by her staff. they all worked so hard, and made lynn's life a hundred times easier. the least she could do (besides paying them a decent salary) was go in to play catch up while they all got to enjoy a day off.

lynn technically started her business when she was a child. she had seen one of those 'tasty time' episodes on disney and was a little more than inspired. summer days were spent perfecting her recipes with elena. the woman would write down the recipes inside composition notebooks with glitter pens as they went. sometimes they got it right the first time, and other times they had to break out elena's stash of white out.

out of the fifteen notebooks they managed to fill in their time together, lynn used just a few of those recipes today. six to be exact, and they were sold both individually and in a pack which was named 'the base-ics'. the flavors were pretty simple, and they were the base of everything that she, with the help of elena, had created today.

whenever she thinks about elena, there's a deep ache that makes its way inside of her chest and then down to the pit of her stomach. lynn doesn't think there's a single person in the world that she'll love more than she loved elena. the woman practically raised her, and then once amelia turned two, elena never came back and kathleen left lynn to fill the au pair's shoes.

harry finishes his take out container of rice first, but he waits for lynn to finish hers before taking everything to the kitchen and returning back with two mugs in his hands.

"tea?"

"sure, thank you," lynn takes the cup from him and then stretches her legs all the way across the couch. it was meant to annoy harry for no other reason than her own enjoyment, but he doesn't seem to mind. instead, he sits on the floor, his back leaning against the bottom part of the couch. when the episode ends, harry leans back so his head is on the cushion, and he's looking at lynn. "do we have to talk about it?"

and by the way he's looking at her, she knows exactly what he's talking about. the night she spent in his clothes and in his bed.

she'll admit that his lack of responses did worry her a little bit, but after her seventeenth text (she counted), the no replies made her more furious than anything. she went over to his apartment after the most grueling dinner with kathy and peter, and was intending on absolutely ripping his head off because she had showed up for everything he had asked her to, and he couldn't even give a text back.

"not if you don't want to," her fingers brush his hair away from his face, and she can feel the air from his sigh of relief on her skin. "you should've told me that you don't have a guest room, harry. i didn't know i was kicking you out of your bed every time i stayed over."

pink floods his cheeks so quickly that lynn can feel the heat radiating off of them. "i don't mind."

"you should," she says. "where do you sleep when i'm here?"

"i keep a few extra pillows and blankets in the closet of the office," he clears his throat. "usually on the couch or the office floor."

"you deserve your bed. next time i'm over i'll take the floor."

silence falls over them, but harry's still looking at her in a way that she can't really read. it feels like it's been forever since she's gotten to take harry in like this. his hair was messy and still a little damp from the shower he had taken before they ate. his skin was tanner than when she first met him, the green of his eyes seemed brighter, and his lips looked softer, but maybe that was because she knew how they felt pressed against her own.

"take a picture," he smiles one of those lopsided smiles. "it'll last longer."

and she doesn't really know what possesses her to, but she does before turning her phone around for harry to see. "it's cute. i think i'll keep it."

harry hums and closes his eyes, and lynn can't help it when she involuntarily reaches out and lets the back of her hand brush across his cheek. she still thinks about what she said to him at her fourth of july party and the way he cried that night when she can't sleep. she never wants to make him feel like that ever again.

"can you do dinner with my parents tomorrow? my mom's been asking about you," he speaks with his eyes close and presses his lips to the back of lynn's hand before sitting up.

"i can't," she says. "that's what i was calling you about. we're going on vacation for jane's birthday. she wanted you to come."

"when?" his whole body is turned to her now. "god, lynn. i'm sorry."

"don't be, really. we're leaving tomorrow so it's really not-."

harry stands up and disappears into what lynn had once thought was the guest room, and comes back out with his laptop. he picks up her feet and sits down before letting them rest on his knees.

"here," he turns his laptop towards her with the page for google flights pulled up. "put in all the dates and everything."

and so she does, and nearly winces at the big, green '$803' that pops up on the screen. "harry, that's crazy. we can get a cupcake or something when we're back."

"it's okay if i book this? there's room for me still?"

"there's room, but-" lynn's cut off by the sound of the mouse clicking and harry closing his laptop.

"daddy's money," harry says. "he'll be fine."

"another reason for him to hate me."

"he doesn't hate you, lynn," his voice is unconvincing, and he's already changing the subject before she can press further. "where are we even going?"

"flying into miami and then we have to drive. just a typical beach vacation."

he nods. "okay. send me a bill for whatever i owe you. i'll venmo or zelle or whatever-"

"no need," lynn interrupts him. "mommy's money."

lynn sits on harry's bed next to his open suitcase while he brings out stacks upon stacks of clothing, not really knowing what he should pack. it was a little comical to see him run around, stressing over what to wear as if peter and kathleen really cared. when he found out her aunt cece was coming too, he dumped all of the contents out of the suitcase and restarted, claiming that he needed to impress her and that straight people wouldn't understand.

when he's in his closet, lynn slips a few tshirts and a pair of swim trunks that harry had decided to leave behind in a pile on his dresser. she'll admit, mick jagger comments aside, harry was a good dresser, great even. he was packing all of these button ups and shorts and jeans, and she just wanted him to have some more comfy options if ended up wanting them.

(and also she kind of wanted to see him in the bright yellow swim shorts.)

it's nearing midnight when she finally leaves. harry walks her to the door, and when they open it, jackie's coming up the staircase. lynn does the only logical thing she can think of and kisses harry. he seems a little surprised, but once he realizes what lynn's doing, he leans into her more so they're stepping out into the hallway and sucks on her mouth in a way that has some pretty obscene sounds coming from the two of them. he kisses her with one arm wrapped around her waist and his other hand holding her face. lynn tries her best to not think about the way he whines into her mouth after every suck or just how good his mouth feels against her.

they break apart when jackie's door slams shut, and harry presses his lips softly against the corner of her mouth twice before letting her go.

"i'm sorry," she watches as he wipes the wetness off of his lips with his tonguge. "that was.. i shouldn't have."

"i kind of owed you anyways. from the other night," his face glows pink at the thought of it. "plus we should probably kiss more anyways. we're supposed to be comfortable with each other right?"

"yeah, yeah," she nods. "you're right."

"can't have you looking all rigid every time i try to hold your hand on vacation," a teasing smile makes it's way to his lips. "i'll see you tomorrow, lynn."

"goodnight, harry," she hears him close the door when she steps into the elevator, and as soon as the doors shut she feels her heartbeat speed up.

✰✰✰

a/n: i literally have nooo idea how i forgot to post the 22 !!!! i feel like so many other parts allude to this one too

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tbehartoo · 7 years ago

Text

All I Want for Christmas is You(r Last Name)

for @jazztastic-panda and @mlsecretsanta for ML Secret Santa 2017

Characters: Adrien Agreste and Marinette Dupain-Cheng, also mentioned Nino Lahiffe and Alya Ceasire

Rating: General

Genre: Fluff

Summary: Adrien has started to realize that he has more than a little crush on his “good friend” Marinette. He realizes this when he sees what he’s been doodling in the margin of his notebook.

Word Count: 2940

On AO3 On FFN

Adrien Agreste was sitting in his Chinese class waiting for the time when he could be back with his friends. He had most of his classes with Nino and a very few with Marinette and Alya, but Chinese was the only class where he didn’t have at least one of his close friends with him. The only thing that made this class bearable was that lunch was right afterward, which meant an hour eating with them. That was usually his favorite part of the day when they were able to hangout together and eat good food. After lunch today would be his last class before the winter break started. Adrien was looking forward to the break for once. His father was going to be traveling to New York and he’d been given permission to stay with Nino. That automatically meant they’d be spending lots of time with Alya and Marinette. This Christmas was going to be awesome!

One of the things that made this class nearly unbearable is that he only took it to fill the foreign language requirement for the lycée. He’d had tutors in Chinese almost since he could speak, and this stuff was so basic that he practically did the class half aware and still passed with flying colors. He’d tried to test out of the class but, though the teacher complimented him on his command of the language, he was unable to get an exception to the requirement, so here he was in his first “year” of Chinese listening to students murder their pronunciation and trying not to laugh when their penmanship turned an innocuous looking character into something decidedly racier.

They had been assigned writing some basic sentences in their notebooks while the teacher walked around correcting penmanship and grammar. Adrien had finished the page in record time. He’d torn out the paper and had it waiting to be turned in at the end of class and then started writing some more complex sentences so that he wasn’t just sitting there. Instead of merely writing, “I go to the park with my friends” as he had for the page to turn in, he wrote, “On sunny days, when the blue sky calls, my friends and I romp carefree through the jade colored grass.” He was proud of this sentence. For one, it had taken him a full two minutes to remember the Chinese character for “romp” and for another it reminded him of the picnic in Nice he’d had just last summer with Marinette, Nino, and Alya.

He’d had a lot more of those kinds of times lately. Over the last three years, since being allowed to attend school, he’d had plenty of moments spent with this family of his heart. It seemed like Nathalie had been able to convince his father to give him more time for his studies and less time in front of the cameras. As long as Adrien’s grades stayed up this translated to more time with his friends.

“After school I like to…” He’d answered the short sentences with “practice fencing” as there was no way he was going to say “save Paris from ridiculous, but highly destructive, monsters while wearing magic spandex.” It just didn't translate well... and he didn’t know the Chinese word for spandex. There was so much more to his after school life than just fencing though it did figure big into the picture. It was one of the few things he and his father had in common and another reason he’d been given more time. Monsieur D’Argencourt had doubled his training time as he had started winning more tournaments. Their hard work was showing great results. He thought back to his last fencing match.

“Are you ready for this?” Marinette asked as she walked into the arena with him. It was an overwhelming sight to see all of the best fencers from around France gathered in one place.

“Well, ready or not, the tournament is here and I’m not getting any more practice,” he replied with a grin.

“You are going to be fantastic,” Marinette told him. “And win or lose we’ll still have the celebratory cake and ice cream waiting back at the house.”

“Oh?” Adrien knew it was there. Her parents had insisted that they have such celebrations after his tourneys when they found out that his father had left town on the day of his first national competition. “What flavor of cake is it?”

“I’m not telling you,” she said with a glint in her eye. “Last time I told you I’m sure you threw the competition just to get to the cake that much quicker.”

“How many times do I have to have to say it?” Adrien asked the sky. “I did NOT throw my match against the 100th world ranked foil fencer just to get back to the triple chocolate cake with raspberry filling and chocolate ganache!” He laughed at her scoff. “It just really helped lessen the sting of losing to someone else’s lucky shot. That’s all.”

They had a short staring contest and then broke into giggles.

“I’m still not telling you,” she sing songed. “You’ll just have to find out later.”

“It’s a deal.”

They scanned the crowd to see if anyone else from the school had been able to make it. Nino and Alya both had work so they wouldn’t be there. It was a long shot that anyone else would be able to come, but sometimes they did show up. Marinette had made sure that everyone on the class chat page knew when all of his competitions were. It was a little embarrassing, but also kind of nice. Marinette almost never missed a match if she could help it. It was really nice to have her support at those events. He always felt better when she was there.

Adrien came back to his Chinese class when one of the other students asked him for help with their sentence. Adrien helped her out and then turned back to his own writing.

He’d written “My friend, Marinette” before he’d drifted off into his memories. How should he finish a sentence beginning like that?

“My friend, Marinette, likes to play video games in which she always beats the snot out of me”- Well it was true, but not the full picture of the girl in question.

Marinette played video games with a competitive zeal that bordered on obsession. She loved to play them anywhere, at home or the arcades, against anyone, friend or stranger, and played them with equal determination to win whether or not she was familiar with the game in question. Adrien loved to play against Marinette, but he really loved to watch her play. There was a fire in her eyes when she was competing and trying to figure out a game. Her celebratory dance was also one of the things he loved to watch, especially when she wasn’t celebrating his downfall.

She had a passion and enthusiasm for life that was infectious.

He’d spent hours working on class projects with her, Nino, and Alya and was never surprised at the creativity and dedication she put into her school work. Their class presentations were often the high point of any semester. Between her creative ideas, Nino and Alya’s technical expertise and his flair for the dramatic they almost always had a spectacular performance for their teachers. They were becoming the stuff of academic legend and lore.

Adrien thought of quieter times with Marinette. There were evenings where they had movie nights at his house. Nino would bring the movie, Alya would bring the “smuggled in” candies, and Marinette usually brought the popcorn. Sometimes there were cuddle piles at Alya’s when the Ladyblogger was feeling depressed and overwhelmed. There were track “parties” at Nino’s where it was mostly them sitting around listening to his music mixes and playing Truth or Truth (Alya’s prefered version of the party game Truth or Dare). There were so many little moments spent together just laughing and smiling that Adrien couldn’t count them.

There were times he’d visit her as Chat where they’d talk on her balcony about the day’s events or her dreams for the future. Sometime they’d discuss how he was doing when he was not feeling particularly able to talk as Adrien. It was nice that she didn’t know he was talking about a life he felt he didn’t have the right to complain about, but that she freely encouraged him to share as much as he could. He felt a little guilty using his anonymity to talk to her that way, but it was nice to know that she treated him as a friend in any situation.

Sometimes he’d visit as his civilian self and get caught up in watching her as she sewed one of her designs. They often talked about her drawings and her dreams of becoming a great fashion designer. Other times she talked about how she worried that pursuing such a dream would turn her into someone like his father who would get too busy for her friends and family, which Adrien strongly denied could ever happen. She knew the statistics for those who tried to break into the profession and those that actually succeeded at it. She had backup plans, and backups for those backups in case they fell through, but still she felt uncertain about her choice of profession.

Adrien tried to share everything he knew from his own experiences with the industry in hopes it could help her. He’d even taken every opportunity to bring her to any fashion event where he was required to bring a +1. Adrien chuckled to himself. They had certainly increased in number ever since he started approaching his 18th birthday. Nathalie had stopped asking who he’d be bringing with him and just forwarded the invitations to Marinette telling her the dates and when to be ready. A lot of the paparazzi had labeled her his long time girlfriend, but he had always insisted that she was just his good friend. They had started placing the title in quotes in front of her name in most of the magazines where he appeared. He shook his head. Couldn’t a guy just have a friend that was a girl?

Marinette was a great friend to everyone. There were so many mornings that she’d come racing into class, nearly late, but with treats for everyone including the teacher. There wasn’t anyone in any of her classes that she wouldn’t help if she saw they needed it. She would stand up to adults or bullies alike if she felt someone was being treated unfairly. Birthdays were special days as Marinette often presented the day’s special celebrant with a thoughtful and handmade gift. Holidays were even better in Adrien’s opinion as that usually meant Marinette would be spreading treats and presents to everyone. He was amazed that she found the time to do any of it.

Of course Adrien tried to be a good friend back to Marinette. One of his favorite things to do was to bring his friends warm drinks on a cold day. He was so proud of himself when he’d finally been able to get Marinette to say how she truly preferred her tea and then surprised her with it the next day. He’d made a special note of it so he could do it more often. There was also the time that he’d been at her place while she’d been working on a commission and looking at some sparkling notions to give it a particular flair, but had chosen not to get them as they were out of the range of what she considered reasonably priced. It had been his greatest delight to order them and have them overnighted to her. That particular stunt had gotten him both a hug and a kiss for his thoughtfulness. Adrien blushed in delight at the memory.

Of course there were ways that Marinette was a good friend to him personally. One of the things she often did was send him memes and pictures of cats while he was at a shoot. It was always so much easier to smile for the camera when she was on a meme sharing spree. It was a much harder challenge to keep a straight face at those times though. They often had texting chats in the evening as they’d go over homework or just catch up if he’d been gone. It always filled him with happiness to see her wishing him goodnight and sweet dreams at the end of those conversations. There were also all the times that Marinette invited him over to hang out at her house, knowing he didn’t particularly want to go back to his empty home. Her parents would almost always insist he stay for dinner and they would ask him the same things as they asked Marinette. Her being willing to share her parents and her family was one of the things he was most grateful to her for.

Adrien rewrote the beginning of that last sentence. “My very good friend, Marinette, likes to spoil her friends at every opportunity in meaningful ways.” It seemed like an inadequate summary of all that Marinette was, but he only had fifteen minutes left of class and there was no way he’d be able to sum up everything Marinette was in such a short amount of time.

At least he only had fifteen minutes left until he’d get to meet the others for lunch. They were supposed to be going to a new cafe that Alya had discovered, but chances were that she and Nino would ditch him and Marinette, only to show up five minutes before class was supposed to start in a state of slight disarray. He didn’t mind the chance to have lunch with Mari, but sometimes he did tease Nino that if he and Alya kept it up that they would be having their “little dude” show up much earlier than the ten years that Alya insisted had to intervene before she was ready to have children.

“No worries my dude,” Nino said one time, “Between Alya’s pills and my capotes our Little Dude won’t be making any early appearances.”

Adrien had nodded his head, but couldn’t help but think that he didn’t want to wait that long before having kids. Of course, he’d have to find someone that wanted to date him first, not just be seen with him or wanted to be with him for the fame or the money his family had. This someone would have to be a person that his father could approve of and that could stand his father, or at least tolerate him during gala functions. Adrien was well aware that his father could be an intimidating and standoffish person, anyone that dated him would be facing the dragon daily. And they would need to be willing to have kids with him. Adrien knew he wouldn’t ask them to put their career on hold while the kids were born and raised. He’d been working as a model since he was a baby and almost all of his income had been put in funds that would be his free and clear just about the right time for him start a family. He could stay home and his partner could work. If he needed to model, well it’s not like he’d ever forget how to stand in front of a camera. But was there anybody that would even want to have a family with him?

His thoughts traveled forward in time trying to guess what they would all be doing in ten years’ time. No doubt he would still be working for some branch of the Gabriel empire. Nino and Alya would undoubtedly be living together in a little flat somewhere. There would be Alya’s breaking articles framed on the wall next to the pictures of the happy couple every where and Nino would have music playing since he couldn’t stand to not have good music going. They would be inviting him and Marinette to spend every holiday with them. Knowing the girls they would both be too busy to do anything other than show up for dinner, but he and Nino would be able to hang out. Adrien sighed, Marinette would be out of university and probably just finished with an internship. She’d be the picture of a professional woman and probably have some model or other designer with her as her date. Adrien’s mind balked at the image and he came back to class seeing his teacher standing over him.

The teacher was collecting everyone’s work while excusing them and wishing them a happy holiday break. Adrien handed up his prepared paper and noticed that the woman seemed to be having difficulty keeping a straight face. It wasn’t until he looked down at his notebook that he could see why.

At the top of the paper she’d given him a 6/7 for his more detailed sentences. At the bottom of the paper she’d put a smile next to the doodle he’d last been working on. Adrien finally took a good look at that part of the page. Without saying goodbye to his teacher or anyone else, he grabbed his things and raced from the room. He needed to find Marinette. He needed to find her now.

There was a smile working its way from the center of his bones to light his whole face when he thought about what was written on that paper. He’d drawn a spiral of ladybugs and cat faces around the words “Adrien Dupain-Cheng.”

#mlsecretsanta 2k17 Miraculous Ladybug Adrien x Marinette

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