#Jax wants you to know that you deserve the world and more

[defnotjarlaxle]

Always be true to yourself.

Nobody will do it for you.

Be willing to change to be the best version of yourself every day.

Improve for yourself.

You deserve it, to be the best you.

Once you trust yourself the people you surround yourself might change but don't be scared - that might be exactly what you need.

Sometimes we get too comfortable and think "It's no use to try, this is my life". No. Don't give up on yourself, on your life.

Love yourself. Yes, it will be hard at first but I believe in you, and so should you.

♡

[sunandsstars]

YAWNETU

CHAPTER 9

Tonowari x Ronal x Na’vi!Reader

Summary: With her arrival in Awa’atlu, reader seeks to find a sanctuary for her family, one that she may find in two particular individuals

Warnings: Mentions war, Pregnancy, Mean dad

Word count: 5.5k

A/N: thank you for those who have been patient with me! I know i abandoned you all for a bit but here’s chapter 9, i might rewrite it since the first bit seems a bit rushed but let me know what you guys think!

Taglist: @itsyoboysparkel @dumb-fawkin-bitch @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed @fanboyluvr @mooniequeen @berrybluez @bajadotcom @alwaysinwritersblock @pandoragalora @perfectprofessorloverapricot @lvrcpid @answer-the-sirens @phantomalex14 @neteyamforlife @bat1212 @sadforeversblog @ducks118 @cleverzonkwombatsludge @1800imgay @soushswag @honeybxes @lola-bunn1 @alldaysdreamers @doggodorime @theesexystallion @scarlettwch @annamarieisbae @wallpaintt @zatarias-pandora @daoyus @ambria @simp-erformarvelwomen @simpliheavenli @tojidilfs @automaticwizardnerd @lexasaurs634 @symptoms-of-moonlight @avtprint

@deviismynamewritingismygame @sunrays404 @tsireyassgurl @xx-kaitlyn-trixx-xx @that-one-daydreamer @yeosxxx @noname2246 @ok-boke @rubyrubyruuu @diosmilkymommers @annaleesworld @jiminsthickthighs @holysaladapricothero @peaches-peach-peach @enochi @thispussyshouldcomew @ihonestlydontknowwhattonamethis @kirisimpster @pompompomegranate @stevebuckysdoll @midhito @any-maybe @nyylovestowrite @omnimaki @blueberryfailureclinic @degenweeb @tejas-kris @sadlyitsme-boo-hoo @agustdeeyaa @kthehoeforfictionalmen @himbo-klown @miraxflor @behindthearcane @yanelis-world @jaxe-27 @noahboahsblog @saltedcoffeescotch

The Metkayina pair became good mates for her, they were understanding, loving, protective, everything she had ever hoped for in the past, a dream she once had that now became a reality.

Tonowari hunted for the rarest of pearls outside the reef and crafted pretty necklaces and beaded tops for his new wife, his love was more physical, he enjoyed creating new clothes and loved decorating ___’s hair with small shells and sea glass, his wives only deserved the best after all.

Ronal showed her loved in different ways though, she cooked for the growing family, took care of any wounds, accompanied ___ wherever she went and taught her all she knew about being a Tsahík in hopes that she can learn and become one herself in the future.

Together the three thrived and eventually moved into one large marui with the perfect view of the sunset and sunrise each and every day. The house had much more space for their children too, who were all growing as the years went on, there were even new additions to the family, such as Tsireya, their first daughter and Ronal’s second born.

___ often thought about having more children, but birthing twins, especially in the circumstance she was in, was enough to put her off for a while. But with her new happy family, she continues to ponder what it would be like, she now lives in a more stable environment with mates who adore her and her boys so it was only right for her to think.

“Yawnetu, what is on your mind?”

Tonowari glanced up from the net he was weaving, cocking his head to the side and blinking, usually at this time of the day his wife would be chattering away about what she has been up to while he was hunting, but alas he was met with silence most of the evening. It was obvious something else took up her thoughts, and he wanted to get to the bottom of it.

Snapping her head towards her husband, a purple hue took over ___’s pretty face “I am sorry, what was it you said? I was not paying attention”

Tonowari chuckled and put down the unfinished net, getting on his hands and feet and shuffling quickly next to her, cupping her face. “I know you were not, that is why I asked what you were thinking of” he leaned in and brushed his nose against hers, foreheads connecting.

___’s slightly larger ears twitched at his words, eyes widening, should she tell him?

Just as she was about to open her mouth loud shouting echoed from outside the marui, interrupting the couple peace. Tonowari leaned back and sighed, eyes closing and a hand coming to rub his temple, what could be causing such a racket late into the evening?

As the shouting drew closer it was clear to make out the voices and words, the concern that once appeared in ___’s yellow orbs died down into amusement.

“No! That is mine! I will tell sa’nu!”

“She will agree with me anyway, you must share! It is not fair you get to have this all day!” Two young na’vi scrambled into the hut, bickering and sticking tongues out at each other. One held an akula toy made out of mangrove wood, waving it around like a prize he had won. “Sa’nu! Tell this skxawng to share!”

Syatxì pouted at his greener brother, glaring daggers into bluer eyes, his yellow gaze fell onto his mother who hid a laugh behind her hand, frowning even more at the lack of help. “Mama, tell him off!” he pointed a finger at Ao’nung who stuck his tongue out once more.

“Now why must your mother solve all of your problems?” Tonowari stood up and crossed his arms, analysing his sons who quickly stood to attention. “You two are warriors are you not?”

“Srane!”

“Then you must fight your own battles. Your mother should not be doing so, instead of her looking after you, you must look after her” the boys were fast to nod intently, taking in the words like it was a quest they must complete, and in a way it was. “Warriors do not depend on the fight of others, you must think for yourselves, what would better the situation -“

“Tonowari” Another figure emerged from the entrance to their home, walking inside with the steps of a leader, behind her skipped in another two smaller figures, peaking out between the Tsahìk’s legs. “Must you do this now?” Ronal huffed and placed a few bowls down, squatting by her pile of herbs and sifting through them.

“Ronal, they need to learn”

“And they will, husband” the woman glanced up and offered a small smile, “in due time” she then moved to sit next to her wife, cupping the back of her head as an intimate gesture.

___ patted the space between her legs to offer her daughter a place to sit as the family talked, quickly getting to work adjusting her thick hair “my sons, fighting is not the answer. Sharing is what we do as a family, and Ao’nung, do not call your brother names”

It was Ao’nung’s turn to pout as his counterpart cackled in his face, snatching the akula toy and running away. “Hey!”

Happiness is simple.

That’s what ___ told herself as she watched her boys play, Sylwaì rushing to join in the fun as they soon decided to leave for the waters and explore before dinner.

Her family meant everything to her, she has a home now and has a life with people who appreciate and care for her as much as she does them. “I appreciate you both, I love you in ways i cannot express” she whispered, kissing the top of Tsireya’s head as she jumped up to follow her older brothers who called for her.

“And we love you yawnetu” Tonowari sat on her other side, kissing her shoulder. “You know, you still have not told me what was on your mind earlier, you were thinking very heavily”

“I want another child”

Ronal stopped poking the fire pit that was suspended above the water, inhaling a breath and turning her head to look at her mates with eyes that shined with growing glee. “You do?” her tail started swishing behind her, despite her best efforts to be calm and mellow.

“Srane. Maybe not right now, but at some point, I want children of your blood, and mine”

“It is decided!” The Olo’eyktan jumped and picked ___ up by the thighs, hoisting her up and she squealed, laughing at his joy. “When you are ready, we mate, again, and you will bear our next kin” he rubbed his nose against hers, placing her back on the floor by her feet.

Ronal soon joined and kissed ___’s shoulder sweetly, a small grin on her face “it was about time you said that, I was afraid ‘wari might explode otherwise”

“Ronal!”

Yes, happiness was simple.

It was times like these where Neytiri most thought of her, the beads in her hands resembled the amber of her eyes and the pattern of the bracelet reminded her of her hair.

___ never left her thoughts ever since she left all those years ago. The tsakeram has physically moved on, after her search for the women was left with no progress she decided to pray to Eywa to keep the small family of three safe on their travels to wherever they go and hope for the best. Mentally, Neytiri is sad, her heart still aches and yearns for her lost mate, and if she can turn back time she would, just to change who she was.

“What are you thinking of?” Jake put his bow away, finished with cleaning the exterior and replacing the string, his head turned towards his wife and cocked a brow, noting her silence.

“___”

Jake paused, face turning to look at the ground by his feet, ears going down, just like Neytiri he is haunted by his actions, but he tried to forget about them rather than acknowledge them. He was a brute, a shit ‘mate’ and abandoned his sons before they were even born. It’s thoughts like those that push him to step down from his mighty position as a leader, but the clan needs him, so he stays.

“I have faith that she is safe somewhere” Jake replied, nodding his head to reassure himself. ___ was strong, she would have found somewhere to be.

Neytiri sighed and tied off the bracelet, “and what if she was turned away, for her sons? What if she never found anywhere safe to begin with? what if -“ large hands cupped her face and a nose bumped hers, Jake smiled a little at her rambling, but it was a sad smile, he does not know how to answer those questions, he thinks the same as her deep down.

“The twins were born looking like true na’vi, there is no way they would find out about them without ___ saying so”

The warrior nodded her head, sighing in defeat and kissing her mates cheek, for now she would get on with her other chores, later she will ponder again. It was like a cycle she can never break out of, one that leaves her dreaming dreamless nights and going about her day on autopilot.

“Sa’nok!” Kiri jumped into her mothers lap, rushing to get away from the sticky hands of her brother, Lo’ak, who was chasing her with the intent of throwing tree sap in her hair. “Hide me from him! He will not leave me alone!”

Lo’ak roared and ran up to the pair, squealing when he was picked up and dangled upside down by his father, “Dad! Put me down!” he wriggled and tried to escape the Olo’eyktan’s firm grip.

Jake chucked and continued to gently swing him, “Kehe, what did I tell you about terrorising your sister? you worm”

“Not to do it in front of sa’nok!”

“Hey!” Jake bellowed a laugh as he put his youngest down, catching Neytiri’s judging face aimed straight at him and quickly stopped his laughing, pretending to act serious for the sake of his wife. “Kids will be kids” he shrugged, trying to play the innocent husband with a coy smile.

His wife just huffed, a grin stretching onto her face as she felt a kick in her stomach, hand instantly going to soothe the ache. “Little one wants to join in the fun, it seems”

Kiri gasped as she felt the slight pound on her back, turning to face her mothers bloated stomach and leaning down, smooshing her face against it “I want my sister out, I am tired of being the only true girl, there is only so much me and Lo’ak can talk about”

“Kiri! I am NOT a girl you turd!”

Kiri just ignored her brother in favour of focusing her attention on her new unborn sibling. “How do you know it will be a girl ‘ite?” the youngling shrugged and smiled a little.

“I just have a feeling” she sung. The marui entrance suddenly flapped open with force, another little boy rushing inside, panting slightly.

“Lo’ak! Stop running away from me!” Neteyam went and tackled him, dogpiling onto his younger brother who laughed loudly, the two wrestling for fun. Kiri snorted and rolled her eyes ‘boys’

Jake kneeled next to his mate, kissing the back of her neck and sighing quietly, his family bringing him the comfort he desperately needed, but yet he still feels incomplete. His heart yearned for the missing pieces, his missing sons and his missing mate.

One day he will find them.

A new star appeared in the sky. It was small to the naked eye, almost unnoticeable, but to someone who has studied the stars day in and day out for the past 14 years, it looked out of place, glowing brighter than the others around it, twinkling brighter and brighter as the minutes past.

“Hey” Jake nudged his wife awake from where she laid on his chest, still staring up into space. His distant look urged Neytiri to turn her head up into his line of sight, eyes widening and jaw going slack.

“No, this cannot be” In the far distance, the bright light zoomed down onto Pandora, red hot fire raging down onto the planet with a mission. Everything around the ships caught fire and the flames spread too quickly, the creatures of Pandora screeching and rushing to escape.

Neytiri ran to a higher viewpoint, jumping over logs and dodging yerik who fled in the opposite direction, a cry escaped her lips and she watched her home, once again, fall victim to the humans who once destroyed her planet in a time she thought long had past. The Na’vi crouched and sobbed, feeling the arms of her mate surrounding her who had his ears pinned back, watching the sight of the forest going up in flames.

His nightmares never seemed to end, Jake could only wonder if this was the great sorrow Moat talked about all these years ago.

A year passed from the return of the human race, the humans and na’vi who lived near hells gate moved up to the floating mountains for safety. Always preparing for war, always going to fight.

Spider was squatted over various bowls of blue paint, redoing the stripes that littered all over his body, sticking his tongue out in concentration. Behind him, Kiri worked swiftly and accurately, painting stripes in places he cannot see or reach.

“I still don’t understand why you paint yourself like this”

“I told you, it’s to blend in” Spider turned and faced the much taller girl, looking at the stripes on her body to try and mimic on his own. “When I do this, I look like one of you, the animals respect me more. Plus, I run faster”

“Sure monkey boy. The animals probably don’t want to taste the berries when they eat you” Kiri snorted, dipping her hand in more blue paint and going back to paining his biceps.

“Hey! I am na’vi, just like you” Spider scooped a large glob of paint, although still small compared to the amount Kiri had, and launched it at her face.

“Oop!”

Sudden footsteps interrupted their playful banter, little padding of feet getting closer behind the pair. “Spider! Kiri! The war party has returned! They are back! Come on! Come on!” Tuktirey rushed over and grabbed both of their arms, dragging her sister and friend along to the edge of high camp, watching as banshees shouted as they flew by and landed.

Shouting can be heard by the cliff, the evident voice of their father talking sternly to their brothers, Kirk’s ears went down and she sighed, going behind Neteyam and looking at his evident wounds.

“You spot bogeys! That was your one job! You spot them and you report them, from a distance!” Jake got up to the boys faces, waving his hands like a madman.

“I’m sorry sir, it was my fault” Neteyam lowered his head, disappointed that he let his father down again.

“When are you gonna stop taking the heat from this knucklehead?” Jake glared at him, eyes going to Lo’ak who stood silent, feeling his little sister moving his arms around. “And you? What do you have to say for yourself?”

“Ma Jake. Your son is bleeding” Neytiri interrupted, eyes concentrated on her husband who was evidently stressed. Her tail curled in slight annoyance, heart pumping from the adrenaline she felt in the fight. Jake looked at his wife and sighed, hand going to his temples.

“Go to your grandmother. Now” As Neytiri took Neteyam by the arm and followed her daughters to her mothers tent, she turned around to observe Lo’ak who was left standing in front of her husband. “You understand what your actions caused?”

“Yes sir”

“You could have gotten your brother killed” Lo’ak’s ears went down, he hated disappointing his father. “No flying for a month. See to every ikran, get them taken care of” and with that Jake stormed off, shaking his head and muttering curses under his breath, the ringing in his ears won’t stop, and unlike Neytiri his heart pumps from fear not adrenaline.

‘I could have lost them’

“Yawnetu” Ronal stalked over to her wife who fed the young ilu in the pen, a deep frown on her face at the news she was about to deliver. “The Omaticaya in the forest, they are at war once again”

___’s ears twitched and pulled back, she knew that the star she saw a year ago was not from any constellation she has memorised since her childhood, she had a feeling that the tawtute have returned, but has been keeping her mind occupied to forget.

Her heart continued to hurt though.

“I know, my love. I worry for my family back home” especially Spider, who she prays to Eywa every night to keep safe. Ronal rested her hands upon her lovers shoulders, sighing deeply, she knows that her wife is hurting inside, but the tsahìk can only offer comfort, not truly in the midst of war yet. Somehow Awa’atlu has stayed away from the tulkun huntings, and she hopes Eywa can keep them safe for a little longer. Sooner or later though she knows that war will be amongst their side of the reef, it was only a matter of time.

Ronal then took her hands off ___’s shoulders and stood straight, “I must continue with my duties today, join me?” the forest na’vi shook her head, she was planning to join some of the women to go into the reef to pick some plants needed for food and healing.

“Not at this moment, I must join some of the divers today” the metkayinan nodded and smiled a little, moving away from the ilu pen to wherever she was needed. ___ went back to throwing fish at the creatures in the sea, giggling when the young ones brushed against her legs. The smile she displayed was hardly genuine, but it was enough to fool outsiders who do not know her well enough.

The woman soon slips out of the water, putting down the empty baskets to be filled later and moved to where she was to meet the other ladies. The day ahead was something that she would soon come to dread, unknownst to her the past she once sought herself leaving would soon come crashing into her life tenfold.

But being unaware for the meantime was bliss.

The ladies were kind to her and the job was easy enough, she finished within a few hours into the morning, deciding to rest by the edge of the reef chatting away with her friends of a few years now. Gossiping about their husbands, as wives do.

‘’Do not get me wrong, I adore my mate, but sometimes he is just so overbearing! Why do I need to take two spears with me when I am outside the reef! I can very much handle myself’’ Tayal huffed, tail slapping the ground in slight annoyance from this mornings hunt. She was a seasoned hunter, extremely skilled and praised by the elders for her work, but her husband was just too cautious.

Sayala rolled her eyes and smiled at her ‘’your mate just looks out for you, if you do not like his actions then it is best to talk to him. I, for one, do not have an overbearing mate but he does snore very loudly when he sleeps. So loud that it wakes me up sometimes! I wish that I had your problem’’ The group laughed, ___ patting her shoulder in pity.

‘’If Tonowari were to ever do that then Ronal would shun him to sleep onto the ocean floor. I am lucky that he does not pose any problems late at night’’ She giggled, catching the interest of some of the ladies.

‘’My Tsahìk! You have two mates, what is that like?’’ The question caught her slightly off guard until she remembered that it is extremely rare for Na’vi to hold more than one lover, even then it is usually preserved for important figures of the clan.

‘’Well, it is normal for me, I have had two mates ever since I came of age, they are wonderful to me and the kids, I am just thankful to Eywa for guiding me here to them’’ ___ rubbed her swollen stomach, thanking the great mother for what has become of her, Tayal hummed, basking in the light that is ___.

But the Na’vi cannot help but wonder, her Tsahìk has become of age long before she joined Awa’atlu and she could not have been mated to her leaders since then, not to mention her two sons who were not of Metkayina blood (although she did not bat an eye at the latter, sometimes women have children without mates). Is ___ hiding something from them? But before she could ponder any longer their conversation was abruptly disrupted.

A horn sounded through the village, reaching far to the Na’vi who sat at the edge of the reef. They all yipped and cried out at the warning signal, abandoning their chores and standing tall from their crouches. ‘Visitors? What could this mean?’

‘’Look! Up there!’’ One of the woman pointed to the sky where ikran glided through the air, on top sitting forest Na’vi shouting to each other in panic, not expecting a horn to greet them as they entered. It alerted the village to the visitors, and while it was inevitable, attention was not something that they wanted to bring towards them for the time being.

___’s breath hitched at the familiar ikran colours, if these are the Na’vi who she thinks they are then- ‘’___ come! We must see who they are’’. But the Omaticayan could only sigh, already knowing the answers to the question her friend seeks guidance for, ikran are unique in their patterns, there are no two banshees who look the same. The two large creatures at the head of the formation could only belong to the Na’vi she once ran away from.

Ao’nung stalked through the crowded beach, coming to the forefront of the commotion with hard eyes, Rotxo trailing behind him. His gaze caught the yellow orbs of the two Sully boys who watched him with slight wonder, having never seen another Na’vi race before the Omaticaya. Inwardly the boy cringed, seeing similarities between his brothers and these…people. This was going to be difficult.

‘’Is that supposed to be a tail?’’ His smaller companion laughed slightly, pointing towards the skinny appendage which curled in anticipation. Ao’nung averted his gaze towards it and scoffed, smirking when the older boy of the two brothers turned his head to look at him. ‘’How are they supposed to swim-‘’

‘’Do not, Rotxo, Ao’nung’’ a sweet voice called out, small hand hitting the back of her brothers heads and blue eyes rolling at their stupidity. They were trying to look intimidating and it was obvious, making fun of these newcomers who looked the exact same as some of their family members. It was rude, and extremely unnecessary, these people are guests here, and as the chiefs daughter, she will show them the kindness that her idiot brothers will not do.

Tsireya noted the absence of her mother and two brothers, being suddenly reminded that their presence would be appreciated, if not for the sake of her people then perhaps the sake of these newcomers. Her head moved to look at one of the boys face to face, dipping down and smiling apologetically. ‘’Hey’’ He tipped his head up and smiled a small smirk, trying his luck with making friends with the people who he would be potentially living with. Friends, or something more?

Tsireya grinned and chuckled at his awkwardness, finding it sweet that despite the predicament they find themselves in, he still shows kindness towards her.

Hoots and shouts alerted the clan that their leaders were in the vicinity, Tsireya’s father landing in the water nearby on his large skimming. He waded out of the water, eyes never leaving the newcomers and raised his brows as he got closer, it was Toruk Makto, whom he met during the great clan meetings.

“I see you, Jake Sully”

“I see you Olo’eyktan”

“Neytiri te Tskaha Mo’at’ite” they formally greeted each other, fingers to their forehead and dipping them in the accustomed manner of their people. ‘’What brings your family to our side of the reef?’’

Jake and his wife shared eye contact briefly, unsure on what to say and afraid of saying the wrong thing, they were tired of travelling, tired of war, they could not go on much longer. ‘’We seek uturu’’

‘’Uturu?‘’ a new voice called out, appealed and confused. Ronal sauntered up to Toruk Makto and sized him up with a glare, moving on to his wife who bowed in respect of the tsahik. Her blue eyes caught the sight of their children and waltzed up to them, moving around them like an akula and inspecting their aura.

‘’Srane, we seek a sanctuary for our family’’ Jake’s tail curled in nervousness, he hasn’t felt this scared since that day he had to prove himself to the Omaticaya, warning them and getting them to believe him when the skypeople were attacking hometree.

‘’We are reef people, you are from the forest, your skills mean nothing to us here’’ Tonowari announced to the family, voice strong and firm. He was wary about their arrival, it was sudden and unexpected. He knew of the war happening overseas, everyone does, but has it become so bad that they seek refuge in another clan?

Jake cringed at the harshness in the leaders gaze, so used to respect from his people back home that he forgets his place in others. His ears picked up the whimpers of his youngest as she clung to his legs, scooting away from Ronal’s piercing gaze and scalding touch. ‘’Their arms are thin’’ her voice rang through the crowd, stopping any chatter, ‘’and their tails are too weak, they will be slow in the water’’ she ignored Kiri’s small outcry when her tail was yanked a little too harshly.

But the Tsahik’s calculating gaze quickly turned to critique and panic once her eyes caught onto the girls hand, she snatched it from where it hung limp and brought it into the air to show her people, ‘’these children.. are not even true Na’vi!’’ She grabbed onto one of the boy’s hand with her free one and raised it too, to show who they truly are, ‘’they have demon blood!’’

Gasps rung out among the Metkayina, not expecting the very aliens to destroy Pandora to come across the sea to their island for sanctuary, hisses vibrated through some of them, hostility in their blue orbs. ‘’Yes we are!’’ Kiri snatched her hand back and glared, subtly moving closer to her mother who narrowed her eyes, not liking the way this woman, clan leader or not, spoke about her children.

Jake felt panic course through him at the judgemental gazes being directed to their small group, this was not going to plan. ‘’Hey..look! Look at this! I was a skyperson but now i am Na’vi! We can adapt, we will adapt right?’’ He showcased his five fingers to the Tsahik who watched his pinky finger poke outwards curiously. Murmurs of small ‘yeah’s’ rung through the Omaticayans as they agreed with him.

‘’My husband was Toruk Makto. He brought the clans to victory against the skypeople’’ Neytiri stepped forward, trying to assert herself. She will not let her family suffer once more just because she was turned away by this disrespectful Na’vi.

Ronal scoffed, glare hardening. Eywa so help her if this outsider continued to scorn her and her position in her own clan, ‘’is this what you call victory? Hiding, among strangers’’ her eyes flicked from Neytiri to her husband and back ‘’it seems Eywa has turned her back on you, chosen one’’

A sharp hiss interrupted her sentence, sharp teeth obstructing Ronal’s vision. On instinct she hissed back, ears flattening to her skull, unaware of the worried look her mate shared with Jake.

Tonowari decided to put an end to this feud before the women fought with spears, ‘’Toruk Makto is a mighty warrior, all Na’vi people know his story. But your people are at war and us Metkayina, we have stayed away from the conflict. We do not want you to bring this fight to us’’

‘’I am done with war’’ Toruk Makto picked Tuktirey up who clung to his neck like a lifeline ‘’I just want to keep my family safe, please’’

‘’Let them stay’’

The crowed parted once more to reveal a dark blue figure emerging from a sea of green, pearls dangling delicately on her heavy figure. ‘’Let them’’ she repeated, eyes darting from Tuktirey to the other children, and then to her mates, ‘’they come from a place of war, ‘wari. That is no place for children to live’’

‘’___’’ Ronal snapped her head towards her wife, tail lashing in anticipation ‘’you do not mean that, look at them. Demons’’. The mentioned woman’s ears lowered and she frowned, opening her mouth to remind her partners of where she came from, where her sons came from, but instead of any words coming out, only a puff of air escaped.

She closed her eyes and huffed, opening them once again and looking up, yellow clashing with blue. ___ stared intently into Ronal’s eyes, hoping to convey the message she so wishes to speak aloud. Luckily, the pair have known each other long enough to be able to understand one another without words, they say that the eyes are the window to the soul.

Ronal conducted a slow blink and pursed her lips, nodding her head, partly in concern to what the future may hold if she let these outsiders in her home. ‘’It is decided’’ Tonowari began, turning to face the crowd and raising his arms to gain the attention of the Metkayina ‘’Toruk Makto and his family will stay, treat them as your brothers and sisters for they do not know the sea, they will be like babies taking their first breath’’

At that Neytiri looked towards the sand, a sudden memory popping into her mind, her ears lowered and frowned, only straightening up when feeling the hand on her shoulder being squeezed. Kiri noted the sudden tenseness in her mother’s posture as soon as this third mate of the chief appeared in front of them, she was as blue and as slim as them, same tail and large ears. The girl recognised the familiar beads and weaving patterns on her clothes, despite the difference in material, this stranger was from the Omaticaya clan.

‘’Teach them our ways so they do not suffer the shame of being useless’’ the large man huffed, turning to make heavy eye contact with Jake, the rider of shadow dropping his youngest onto the ground and smiling in gratitude, patting Tuktirey on her back.

‘’Well what do we say guys? Irayo’’ The Sully’s coreoused, some more enthusiastic than others, Kiri rolling her eyes and sighing. Her father straightened up from his slight kneeling position for his daughter and nodded his head to his new chief, then turning his head to acknowledge his wives with a swallow, afraid of the Tsahik’s each for entirely different reasons.

___’s breath hitched when yellow clashed together, tail curling upright in anticipation, her old mate then nodded to her like he did her husband out of politeness and notably swallowed, averting his eyes back onto the sand, afraid that if he were to look into her eyes any longer he’ll get swallowed into a pit of shame, one that he wont ever crawl out of.

‘’My son Ao’nung’’ Tonowari gestured towards one of his boys who decided to show up, mentally going through the scalding he will carry out later ‘’and daughter Tsireya, will show your children what to do’’

Ao’nung’s ears flattened into his skull, not liking the idea of being buddy-buddy with these weirdos ‘’but sempul-‘’ a large blue hand rose infront of the boys face and he immediately paused his speaking in respect.

‘’It is decided’’

That respect was soon lost.

Ao’nung rolled his eyes and glared at the sand beneath his feet, tempted to kick it out off frustration but not wanting to embarrass himself in front of the people. Luckily, Tsireya felt the anger that radiated off of him and decided to speak up, ‘’come, we will show you our village’’ she waved them over in the direction of their new home, once they acquired their things.

This was going to be a long day.

previous | next

[notnights]

So obviously it's still too early to properly analyze the exact relationship dynamic between Jax and Gangle in canon. I promise this is less of me trying to find legitimate proof of any character speculations, and more just a string of very quick, messy personal thoughts on the topic. Context and motivation for their behaviors are likely to be explained in future episodes, and until then there's still quite a lot of uncharted territory left to explore. (Although I will say that both these characters are surprisingly more active and engaging with each other upon rewatch. aka, their willingness to be around one another seems mutual, the bullying is not.)

The only information that we can currently gather about Gangle are her canon appearances, the preview screenshot Glitch posted on the official account and to a lesser extent, Gangle's concept art sketches: Alot of it being about her fixation and dependency towards her comedy mask. We don't know whether she's fixated on the actual sensation being happy 24/7 or just the ability to appear joyful around everybody else just yet, or What her real-world equivalent of the mask was, or even if there ever was a real-world equivalent to begin with. But, Personal indictment is that she does genuinely want long term companionship and meaningful connections with other people. Or at the very least, not be subtly ostracized out of social convention. I think she believes that curating her outward demeanor might change the way others perceive her, and hopefully the way they interact with her as well. It doesn't really help that each of the circus crew are all a bit too much in their own heads to notice, one way or another. Even if they do mean well at the end of the day, it's never quite what she's really looking to accomplish. (It also doesn't help that her digital design is so detached from being human either, she's essentially a flat face on a piece of string. One can't really blame her for trying to make the most of what she's able to display tbh.)

So far, we know Jax is apathetic, violent and generally antagonistic towards everyone in the main cast, sometimes deliberately towards the girls. I think it isn't all that farfetched to believe he latched on to Gangle because she was malleable enough to target without facing most of the consequences. Subsequently, there's also the idea of him relating Gangle's tragedy mask to her willingness to comply: It's an emotional vulnerability for her (She already sees herself as less deserving of human interaction in this state, she won't have anyone else to go to, she doesn't seem to like being left alone). It's not farfetched to assume Jax sees the tragedy mask as a more "complied version" of Gangle, more entertaining and easier to string along. Me thinks he prefers it, but again. It's too soon to tell. Anyways something something designated role in group activities something something internalized self-worth I think Gangle and Ragatha have very similar philosophies when it comes to people pleasing and it almost makes me believe in the theory that they secretly don't get along even more.

(btw plz feel absolutely no pressure to respond to any of this at all - Again, very messy thoughts that I barely had time to collect. Ribbun is an unexpected infection with unfortunately very thought consuming brain fodder to me personally. Have a nice day.

I like these thoughts! It'll be really interesting to see how the Comedy and Tragedy masks work for Gangle.

I do agree Jax probably prefers Tragedy Gangle as even if it's only as deep as "she's funnier like that." And Gangle is the easiest victim for him in that state.

We've seen everyone (but Kinger, who Jax kind of doesn't bother too much, and you could argue it's because Kinger doesn't give an entertaining reaction) fight back against Jax's behavior in some way. Ragatha yells at him, Zooble isn't afraid to get physical, and we can tell Pomni had death on her mind when he threw her off the truck. The most Gangle has done is timidly resist for a few seconds before compiling. Steps on her mask, pushes her, grabs her and puts her in the drivers seat, she doesn't say anything.

She has a couple of bite back words, but then Jax just bites back and it shuts her down. Which is interesting because when Ragatha yells at him it's clear he thinks its funny and merely snarks back at her, often getting her to yell more. He gets different reactions out of everyone in the group and picks different entertainment from that. Gangle might be the one he knows he has proper control over.

As for the Ragatha and Gangle thing, I was really interested in the fact no one cared when Gangle broke her mask in the pilot, not even Ragatha who is our outwardly most caring. You could say it's because she had tunnel vision on Pomni, but I immediately interpreted it as, yeah Gangle's mask breaks all the time, she's crying all the time, eventually people stop caring. The boy who cried wolf, etc etc.

Even if Ragatha doesn't have direct conflict with Gangle, the fact Ragatha is someone who internalizes everything, and projects a positive outlook, I imagine someone like Gangle would make her pretty uncomfortable.

Here Ragatha is trying her darnest to keep it together and remain positive, meanwhile Gangle is crying all the time behind her.

"It's not so bad here Pomni, I promise!" as Gangle cries in the background.

Gangle being a constant reminder of how Ragatha, and maybe all of them really feel about being stuck here. Too early to say if Ragatha resents Gangle for this, or how she really feels about it. But if she does that's so sad because (we also don't know yet) Gangle has no control over these feelings, it wasn't her choice for her avatar to work like this.

Which honestly could be a good allegory for how certain people view mental illness in the real world too. Ragatha being a loved one who's uncomfortable with Gangle's moods, or even believes if Gangle just tried hard enough like her (example: keeping her comedy mask safe) she'd be fine. Ooh sad comic ideas.

[rarityroo]

Hi there!! Is there anyway where we could get a Ragatha x reader. Where the reader comforts Ragatha who starts to feel somewhat unappreciated by some of the other members of the circus. Maybe the reader could give Ragatha a small present they working on just for her to show her she does have someone who cares and appreciates her. Please I just want her to feel some form of love and appreciation. She is legit such a sweat heart and I wanna tell her how amazing she is.😭😭😭

Giving thanks

Ragatha x Gn!reader

Hi! This seems like such a great idea, I literally stayed up until 1AM to finish it. I agree Ragatha is such a sweetie she deserves the best, also in this fic she has a small mental breakdown but it’s all okay because the reader is a sweetheart. Enjoy!

A simple thank you would have been enough, that's all she wanted. She wanted the others to finally notice all the mental and physical help she gave. The comfort she provided to Pomni when she first arrived, whenever Gaggle's mask broke because Jax made the trip. Ragatha always made sure to help. When Zooble or Kinger were having a rough day she’d take time out of her day just to make them feel better. She never minded doing it, until now at least.

Ragathas posture was slumped with tiredness and her shoulders were stiff showing her stress. She sat in her room contemplating, she felt so out of it. All she wanted was for someone to notice the effort she offered every day.

You could tell Ragatha was distressed, at first you thought she just felt like being quiet, you had days like that yourself but today felt different she seemed somewhat depressed. Her pretty smile gone and her chipper attitude deflated. It made you sad to see her that way, you hoped a small gift would lift her spirits, a red paper flower, it was a similar red to her hair and just thinking about it made a small smile grow on your face. But first, you wanted to make sure she was okay, she was the backbone of this circus and God knows without her we would all be lost.

You made your way to her room hesitantly flower in hand and approached her room quietly, you softly knocked on the door, not to startle her. "Hey, Ragatha," you said softly, your voice holding concern.

You heard a muffled shuffle in the room, then her door slightly opened, only being able to see part of her face, "Oh, uh hello," she murmured awkwardly, forcing a weary smile.

"I noticed you've been off lately," You said, gently “Are you alright?” You asked, it felt like such a silly question, clearly, she wasn’t alright she’d been avoiding everyone all day.

“I-um well-“ Ragatha stumbled over her words, nobody had asked her that in a while, that thought alone hit her like a title wave of emotions. She started to break down, and through broken sobs, she barely choked out, “I just, I’ve been doing so much and no one has shown an ounce of gratitude!" “I’ve done so much and it feels like it’s for nothing, no matter what I do it’ll never be noticed…” You looked at her with wide eyes, is this really how she felt this whole time? How could you not notice? “Ragatha..” you use your hand to push up her chin so she can look you in the eyes. “I hear you. It's completely understandable that you're feeling this way. Trust me when I say your kindness and support haven't gone unnoticed, even if it may have seemed that way. We all rely on you more than you might realize, and your efforts haven't gone unappreciated. You're not alone in this, and I'm here to support you, just like you've supported everyone else.", “Here, I have a gift for you.” You said bashfully, “I know it’s not the prettiest thing in the world but I was hoping it was enough to make you feel a bit better.”

With trembling fingers, Ragatha carefully took the paper flower. Tears welled up in her eyes as she realized the effort that went into it. Finally, even if it was as small as this it was still so perfect.

"It's... it's beautiful," she managed to choke out, her voice thick with emotion.

You smiled warmly. "I wanted to express my gratitude for everything you do," "You're always there for others, offering comfort and support. Your kindness hasn't gone unnoticed, Ragatha."

Ragatha's heart swelled with warmth as she looked at the gift in her hands. At that moment, she felt a wave of adoration wash over her, lifting the weight of loneliness from her shoulders.

"Thank you," she whispered, her voice trembling with emotion. "Thank you for seeing me, for hearing me, for understanding."

As Ragatha looked at the thoughtful gift before her, "It’s so lovely," she murmured, her voice barely above a whisper. “Something you both got in common" you replied, God that was embarrassingly sappy, Ragatha let out a sweet laugh, leaning in closer, your eyes locked on hers. "Seriously though please know that I care about you, Ragatha. More than you'll ever know."

Ragatha's breath caught in her throat as she felt the warmth of your hand on hers, her heart racing with nervousness. "I... I care about you too," she finally admitted, a shy smile spreading across her face.

She finally had someone who cared, someone who appreciated her for the kind-hearted soul she was.

And in that simple gesture of kindness, Ragatha found the love and appreciation she had been yearning for all along.

[ilovescaredysquirrel2]

What I'm excited for coming soon (TADC episode 2, SpongeBob, and Wallace & Gromit and more)

Okay, I'm going to start with The Amazing Digital Circus episode 2 since it's all my friends and I are thinking about. Just when I didn't think it was going to be better than the first one, I really trust Glitch and Gooseworx with this! I saw the trailer and I'm way more excited, in fact, maybe a little too much. I just know it's going to be fun and hilarious! Although I'm worried that Pomni might get abstracted, I don't want her to abstract. She's one of my favorites but I don't want anyone to abstract really. I'm too attached to these characters! Also, I saw those moments with Ragatha and Princess Loolilalu meeting each other and I love to see girls supporting girls in anything. I find it very healing to my inner child, and also I just like the girl power, it's so refreshing to see! Also, I heard that this will focus more on Jax, who's kind of a jerk sometimes and maybe they'll give him a softer side here, or something to make people feel bad for him, and I like that idea to show that not everyone is all bad or all good. Also, Jax has been stuck in the digital world since he was a teen so you can't help but to feel bad for him. Another thing, that candy elephant thing looks cool and I really hope Gumigoo is voiced by Tustin Macafee. If he's not, it's fine, but I can't think of anyone better for the voice role than Tustin!

As for the new SpongeBob movie, it's gonna be released in theaters and the OG team is going to come back (except for the creator, who sadly passed away a while ago). I heard something that one of the directors said that there will be nudity in the new SpongeBob movie, but I hope he was joking.

Also, I love that they're making fun of AI with this new Wallace & Gromit movie. As an artist, I think people overdo it with AI and that I think we should stop using it for art purposes unless it's only to mess around with and not actually use. I hope they make fun of Disney too. Imagine making fun of both AI and Disney, in an Aardman movie! That'd be awesome! Also, I heard Nick Park wasn't going to work on it at first but he decided to come back (I think he changed his mind after the new Chicken Run 2) and I really hope Wallace & Gromit makes more money than Chicken Run 2.

Also, I'm not much of a Disney fan so I don't care much about the Inside Out sequel or Moana sequel. I think they're really unnecessary, however, I have more hope for the Inside Out sequel than the Moana one, even though I do like Moana better. I feel like Disney should just stick to Kiff and that Molly Magee show or whatever its called, because those are the only two good things that Disney still has left. (Obviously, I'm religious and don't watch shows with ghosts, so I'm just more interested in Kiff but both shows are better than Disney's movies rn).

Finally, the last Bluey episode... I haven't watched it yet and I hear it's really emotional. I don't think I'm prepared for that so I'll stick to watching my favorites, like the beach one. I just hope they don't end Bluey yet, it's the only good kid shows that's still running. Plus, it's from Australia and they deserve to make a lot of money off this show, even though greedy Disney is involved in airing it in my country. I support the foreign shows all the way!

Tell me your thoughts! PLEASE CHAT WITH ME IN THE COMMENTS, ESPECIALLY YOU TADC FANS! DON'T HIDE!

[the-s1lly-corner]

Hear me out on this please

TADC crew x itward like reader

If you want to ignore this request you can I totally understand lol

TADC cast x itward type! Reader

Imma be so real with you anon originally I was gonna save this request for later since I have ZERO ideas (funny since fran bow as a game has had a choke hold on me since it released) but then I realized I can be evil and introduce people to the game

Anyways guys go play fran bow! Or better yet theres a full fandub, as well as several lets plays on YouTube!! I also recommend little misfortune as it's made by the same creators and takes place in the same universe!

Kind of wrote this as their general thoughts and dynamic with you since I struggled a lot with thinking of romantic stuff with them, especially with characters that I dont think would like. Be interested in characters like itward

CAINE:

You guys. Can talk up a storm, I think. Literally it's just you two "interrogating" one another and learning more about each other. As scared as you are of the current situation at hand, you can't help but be intrigued by everything, including the self proclaimed ring master!

Curiosity is damned, damn you curiosity/ref

Your curiosity ends up with you learning as nearly as much caine is willing to let on about the digital world...

Thinks

Two well dressed fellows, as well.. bonus if you have a red suit like itward so you kinda match with Caine

Caine loves watching you build your little machines, too, usually hovers over your shoulder

POMNI:

Sure you might not be able to fly away in a flying ship and return to the real world, but who's to say you cant make your own exit..? Possibly manipulate the code or something...! Sure you're main thing is machinery and technology, but theres usually some level of coding in there... so you and pomni team up to try to come up with a plan... honestly you probably lightly scold her when you find out she tried to leave, knowing ragatha needed help. On one hand you cant bring yourself to fully blame her, but on the other you would rather try to escape with everyone, you know? Pomni is sometimes put off by your odd nature, though... not enough to push her away from working with you though!!

RAGATHA:

You guys bond over your shared interested in sewing! You both make plushes! For you it's more so for gift giving, and for ragatha she does it to pass time! I like to think you guys both have nights where you just hang out, either in her room or yours, and just. Chat and sew! Probably finds your weirdness a little endearing in it's own way; afterall never once were you malicious, in fact you're quite kind to everyone around you and are more than willing to offer second chances even to those who dont deserve it. You and ragatha would be really good friends, I think!

JAX:

Finds your weirdness a little annoying and he probably asks you a ton of stupid questions on purpose. Probably asks a stream of dumb ones before asking one he knows will peak your interest, but insist he needs to go do something when you start answering. That aside he has probably asked if you could build him a funky little gadget (that he totally wont use for mischief).. probably tries to get all buddybuddy with you because he knows you wont give it to him for the...actual reason he wants

You personally dont hate him, but theres no real solid friendship there I think

KINGER:

Ah, the two strange father figures! Both with funky interests; kingers is bugs and yours is forks! ....okay well it's hard to combine those two interest so I guess we can use a different one, mechanics! You've definitely made kinger wind up robotic bugs before, and the fact it made him happy makes you happy! You guys both have a habit of spacing out, though on different levels and for different reasons...you both mutually keep an eye on one another, though!

You've probably dreamed of building a flying machine and escaping this place at least once, leaving with kinger. Too bad the reality isnt going to be that simple.. besides you'd bring everyone with you anyways

ZOOBLE:

honestly they get annoyed how sometimes you dont give direct answers and be vague when you're asked for a solution. It's not that you're trying to be malicious or incompetent, youre just trying to push for everyone to get creative and explore the world around them themselves, you know? Finds it a little off how you sometimes zone out, as if youre thinking about a dozen things at once... but nonetheless, zooble cant bring themselves to hate you. In fact you have this weird comforting aura around you.

GANGLE:

Youre so so nice with her and always trying to build her up. And honestly I think that's so sweet. Hugs. Give hugs! Side note I bet itward gives the most comforting hugs so by extension the reader gives the most comforting hugs!! You're always there to stand up for her, too, when people *cough cough jax* are mean to her. You probably also try to helo her make a new mask... not like "oh you help her fix her masks" no I mean like you try to make her a mask that's made of a stronger material so it's harder to break

Honestly I cant see a romantic relationship between a reader like this and gangle, I personally see it more as close friends or even found family

[dragon-creates]

I’m looking for an artist to collab with for an AU

Hello! If you don’t know me already, my name is Dragon, the author of the TADC fics 5+1 and Royally Screwed (and also a funnybunny shipper). However, I am coming up with a totally new AU, something similar to the carnival and freakshow au as well as inspiration from Bendy and the Ink Machine, Poppy Playtime and Amanda the Adventurer.

I call it ‘The Amazing Digital REDACTED’ au.

In this au, you ‘the player’ play as Jax, an ex-employee of C&A returning to the abandoned building in order to find the rest of your work employees after a mysterious incident years ago. With hidden knowledge that he must enter the game in order to find them, Jax does just that while managing to retain his memories. Along with his accomplice Bubble (a helpful AI who wants to free the rest of the trapped souls) and some help from his friend Winter (yes Winter from 5+1 will be in this but that fic isn’t canon to this au) on the outside, Jax tries to fix his past mistakes and save everyone – especially a particular jester he loved and lost long ago.

Yup that’s right, Jax will be the main character of this au and you will be playing as him. Let me explain, there is a feature on AO3 that allows you to make multiple choices on how you want the story to play out, like a telltale video game if you understand what I’m saying. You will get to pick and choose how Jax goes about his adventure and receive more than one ending (with a canon ending as well). And yes, this au’s main ship is funnybunny as I believe that it deserves more recognition and I find that these two in this au are very interesting to explore (especially with their past).

However, this fic is going to take quite a long time to make and is going to be bigger than anything else that I have written in the past. That is why I want to team up with a fellow TADC/funnybunny artist (since I am not an artist and do better with writing and characters) and create a separate blog for this au to come up with comics and art together. If you’ve seen the blogs for the Carnival and Freakshow au’s, you know that with their comics and art they explore more of the world, drop some lore, do character sheets and explain the pasts of the characters. This is what I’m hoping for if I team up with an artist. This au will mostly be on tumblr however if it does well I might add it to twitter as well since I’m putting this post on twitter as well.

Here are what I have pictured for the characters so far.

Jax: Past name; Jack. Ex employee of C&A, main character and who you the player will be playing as. Before the ‘incident’, Jax used to work at C&A as part of a coding team, to make sure that there were no bugs before any games were released. While C&A wasn’t on his list of jobs to pick, it was the only one that seemed best due to the pay and the fact that they could pay for schooling for those with children. Since Jax has a little sister named Jane, and has no parental figures in his life, he takes the job in order to help pay for the both of them and to make sure that Jane gets a good education. Unlike his canon TADC counterpart, Jax is more quiet, tired and while sarcastic, isn’t all out cruel to everyone unless they are bad people (think Mike from the FNAF movie especially with his relationship with his younger sister). He becomes quite close with his boss’s daughter however, Penny (Pomni) with him starting to develop feelings for the shy girl. However, after the day of the ‘incident’ Jax is left with nothing but guilt since he knew things that contributed to that day. Now he has a chance to make things right and save everyone, and Pomni.

Pomni: Past name; Penny. Ex employee of C&A and daughter of the CEO Abel, Pomni is an extremely introverted and socially awkward person, due to being traumatised by her mother’s death. She and her father don’t have a good relationship, with reasons that will become clearer later. She was quite close to the past version of Ragatha, but other than her father, she doesn’t really have a relationship with anyone. She likes to work alone to focus on the numbers and accounting part of her job (she understands numbers more than people) until she meets Jack. Though Jack is usually a bit standoffish, he is sweet to Penny due to her shy nature and helps keep an eye on her throughout their jobs so that she doesn’t feel too overwhelmed. Overcome by his sudden kindness and protectiveness, Penny starts to develop feelings for Jax. However, after the day of the ‘incident’ she is now trapped in the game, forever a jester trapped in a box…until Jax shows up.

If you’d like to be an artist for this au and collab with me, you can send me a DM or @ me. Do either of these and a sketch of the characters and I will reach out to you and confirm that you can be my partner for this project.

Here are some visuals on how I envision the characters.

Jax:

Sans the goggles, think of Jax wearing this over his grey and dirty overalls, he could also be holding a makeshift weapon like a bat or a stick so that he can fight off enemies. This version of Jax is much more serious and he is ready to fight in order to get the job done.

Pomni:

(on the last pic, focus on the makeup rather than the outfit)

Overly baggy and childish, with blue and black instead of blue and red. This design is a reminder of her past trauma and as so, is implemented into her circus features. Due to it being too big for her, it makes it hard for her to run and escape, and the ridiculousness of it all is a huge slap in the face that this is her new life now and is fully erased of her past.  Even the makeup covers up any kind of normalcy on her face.

Well that’s it for now, I hope you guys take this into consideration and I hope you all have a lovely day/afternoon/night.

[jester089]

It's an improvement

This isn't a request. But It's a good idea I want to write for. It's just going to be short and my ideas on it. TADC Crew x Therapist Reader

Caine

Caine really really appreciates you. You keep people alive, AND you are someone who professionally knows about humans and how they work so you can teach him stuff. He's constantly asking you questions, and existing around you seeing how you act. Just since your arrival no one has abstracted, and the adventures and circus as a whole are much more hospitable. You truly are the person the circus needed to be, well to be ok. At least for now. But all these people's problems, this AI trying to learn about humans from you, the stress of the fact you're now in a digital world. It's a lot. You can save them, but no one is going to save you. And you just have to deal with that. This world needs you, and if you go. Then so does it.

Gangle

You helped Gangle with her insecurity and self worth. You got her to be more confident and stand up for herself. Something she honestly loves you for. So she asked you out, she just felt so cared for and loved around you. You said no cause you don't date your patients, she was hurt but didn't blame you. But she relapsed into old bad habits, this time without you to help her out of them. She started all together avoiding you. It was just hard to look you in the face when you know all her deepest secrets, and the fact that she has feelings for you. At first you made the circus easier, better even. Now you make it harder for her. And Gangle blames no one but herself for all that's happening to her. Even starts to feel like she deserves it. "If I don't deserve this, then why does this always happen."

Zooble

Zooble would probably hate you at first. You show up and start telling her everything she's doing wrong. That isn't actually what you do but that's what it feels like to her. When, or rather if she gives you a chance you could genuinely help her. She still wont be nice to the others or you, but you can help her out in the long run. At least not for a while. But you might make her able to make friends. Which at the moment she'll say she doesn't need others. But no one can survive alone forever. And despite that being what she wants and what she says, that still applies to her.

Kinger

Honestly weirdly enough you don't help Kinger. He may be seen as crazy but he's still alive, and he isn't going anywhere anytime soon. He's lived in this world for so long and has found a way of life that works. He honestly doesn't need help, at least not while still in here. Once out in the real world he will though. He doesn't need help though. He just needs a friend. Someone to casually talk to. Someone to hang out with. Someone who wont call him crazy. And you're more then happy to be that friend. And because you aren't patient and doctor something could actually stem from that. If you both want that at least.

Ragatha

You two are a power duo here. You keep everyone ok, she helps out more as a low down friend type person, and you as a professional. You two alone keep the circus running and people alive. And despite how much Ragatha insists that she doesn't need help/sessions she does. She's a tough cookie and wont admit it, but you can still get through to her. Despite what she says she needs it. So keep working hard. All you need is her to trust you, and you to constantly pester her about it. And eventually she'll break and let you help her.

Jax

Jax is going to openly agree to getting your help. At first he just planned on using it as a way to mess with you. But then you actually made him realize a lot and actually start helping within not a lot of time passage. Then he started genuinely going to your sessions. And with enough time and hard work he turned into an amazing person to be around. He's still vulgar and often rude. But he doesn't bully anymore, and actually goes out of his way to make others days better. You know you two aren't related but you're proud of him. He made so much progress and genuinely improved. And sure you helped. But you can't improve unless you want to. So the fact that he made that much progress especially in such a short time shows that he isn't a horrible person, he just didn't know better.

Pomni

Thank f#$%. She needs this so badly. You help her out with her anxiety, a lot. You know this place isn't good but you help her get at least kind of used to it despite you getting here after her. She'll still look for an exit but she feels like it's actually possible now with your support. Before she was just frantic and panicking. But now it feels like a genuine and attainable goal. With time and effort she starts to calm down and feel, happy! Feel calm. It's a strange sensation to her, but not bad strange. And once she does calm down she starts really appreciating smaller things. "Like sure this place is a prison and I'm here unwillingly. But not much I can do about that. And it is really pretty outside today. And while I'm here I don't have to worry like back in the real world. Nothing is expected of me. All I have to do is just exist. I can do that."

(I enjoyed writing this. And will maybe expand upon this in the future. Maybe. I still have a whole lot of requests to get through.)

xoxo, Jester

[littlemelaninfics]

Ride

Jax Teller x Black!reader

"I'II be right there," Jax sighed as he hung up the phone and got off the couch. He grabbed his keys and headed for the restaurant on the other side of town.

He reached the parking lot and handed me the extra helmet. I used his shoulders to steady myself as I got on the back of the bike. I hung on and he peeled out of the lot and back to his house. On the way, my night replayed over and over again in my head. I hugged him tighter and put my face into his back while I let a few tears escape. I looked to my left and saw the cityscape below the mountain. We made a left instead of a right and cruised down the road. He pulled into his driveway and turned off the motorcycle.

"Why are we here?" I asked as I got off the back.

"It's closer and it's late to go all the way to your place. I can get you an Uber if you want." I shook my head. His voice was kind of monotone, like he had something to say. Jax didn't even wait for me before stalking to the front door to unlock it.

He walked in and headed straight for his bar. I closed and locked the door before meeting him in the other room.

"You're mad at me, aren't you."

He downed the rest of his drink before placing the glass back in the counter, "I'm not thrilled with you, no."

"How can you be like that right now? I'm the one who got stood up in the middle of nowhere.”

"And that's why. I told you that you didn't know that prick. To not shit where you eat and look where you are."

"Fuck you. Now you're just being mean. I just wanted a night with him. He's so sweet and I just don't know what happened."

"No. He was sweet when you met him 5 years ago. People change everyday."

"Yeah that's evident."

"What do you mean by that?"

"I mean I was expecting some kind of sympathy from you. You know, considering how fucking stupid I looked out there. But no. You have to tell me how right you are and how wrong I am. Basically driving it home that I am fucking stupid. So thanks a lot,” I turned to leave to the guest room when I heard him pouring another drink. I slammed the door and flopped onto the bed, tears streaming down my face once more.

I woke up the next morning with a blanket covering me and noise coming from the floor. I slowly sit up and look down to see Jax there shirtless with his own blanket and pillow, snoring softly. I reach for my phone but drop it against the nightstand, making a loud thud. Jax stirred and opened his eyes with a sigh,

"Morning."

"Hi. What are you doing?"

He sat up and slid his hands over his face and and back through his blonde bed head. He rested his arms on his legs and looked at me, "I didn't think you should wake up alone. Look, I'm sorry for making you feel stupid because you're not. I was pissed at that prick for getting you all excited and then not showing. I hate that I was right. You deserve someone who would travel the world to spend one hour with you. And I'm sorry he wasn't that. I really am.”

I looked down at him and crawled down to the floor. I wrapped my hands around his neck and started to cry a little bit,

"Hey, hey, hey. What's that for? I was trying to make you feel better," he said with concern in his voice. I unburied my face and kissed him on the cheek,

"They're happy tears. Thank you for being my best friend."

"I love you, kid."

"I love you too."

an: whoa! Cali writes fluff!?? Yes. Yes I do ;)

[theamazingdigitalraceway]

Hopefully this one ain’t too spice 🌶️ >> Raceway gang with Y/N where praise straight up breaks them? /j Like if Seth or Jax were to say something like “Good(girl/boy/job)”~ or “That’s right, Y/N~ / You’re doing so well~” something like that (you know in what tone of voice, too), Y/N would like blue screen for few seconds, and probably drive right off the edge of the track on accident

A/N: ehhhh, borderline. The reason I say SFW for Y/N is because the characters are interacting directly with the reader. I don't know how old the reader is. These are adult characters. I'm trying to keep this light-hearted and not end up on a list. Now, I can twist this to be more innocent and fun, but let's not push it. I like doing these y/n requests

~~~

RACEWAY AU REACTS Y/N BEING BROKEN BY PRAISE

CAINE: Y/n's in good company. Genuine praise gets him every time. He's more than happy to give them the praise they deserve and laugh when they "blue screen"

POMNI: She doesn't give praise easily, so when Y/N breaks she's just confused and little weirded out

RAGATHA: She thinks it's the cutest thing in the world. Like you're a dog that got a little too excited and doesn't know what to do next

JAX: He'll say anything that gets a funny reaction. If y/n is ever annoying him he knows all he has to say is "you're a good racer" and bam. Down for the count

GANGLE: Y/n has a friend in her. She wants to know that BACKSTORY to this. Where did THIS come from?

ZOOBLE: Just think the whole thing is weird. Good thing she doesn't say much anyway

KINGER: He doesn't notice y/n has blue screened until they come to and state him, which startles them. It's a cycle

GUMMIGOO: He's worried he actually broke them. Help. How fix human?

LOO: May not notice, honestly. She tends to praise and run

SETH: oh boy, y/n is never going to win another race once he figures this out. He will straight up tease, winks and all just to get a reaction out of them and steal the wins

ABEL: He believes the reactions are too over the top. Especially for praise. Calm down. Your desperation is pathetic. (Now, humiliation on the other hand...)

[kindnessisweakness2]

Delusional -Part 22

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Delaney questioned Alex as he stood from the table and made his way towards her. “Ah Ah Ah...” He sarcastically wagged his finger at her. “Wow, Teller really has re lit the fire in you. Think your untouchable?” He challenged her, the look in his eye begging her to say something, to fight back. "Your Mom called me. She wants me to take you back. Begged me pretty much.” Delaney scowled at him. “What is it you want Alex? Im done playing this fucking game with you.” Alex smirked at her. “Isnt it obvious? I want you dead. i just want to enjoy fucking with you first. By the time im done you’ll be begging me for death. It’ll be a mercy.” Tears stung at Delaneys eyes. "Why? What have I done to deserve this, any of it?" Alex studied the broken woman in front of him. She looked tired and scared. Part of him debated just giving in and killing her quickly. Maybe he had put her through enough. But despite any reason he could think of to give her mercy, he knew he wouldn't be fully satisfied until he had her blood on his hands. Soaking in his skin, the spray of it coating his face. Oh he couldn't explain how bad he craved it. A knock on the door pulled him from his thoughts. Pointing the gun at her again he nudged his head towards the door. “Get rid of them. If you say anything, hint at anything being wrong i will kill them and you.” Delaney shuffled towards the door with Alex at her back, digging the barrell of the gun into her side. She was trying her best to stay calm, but all she wanted to do was break down. Let it all out, the screams, the tears. Fear and Anger weighed heavy on her chest. Opening the door just enough to pop her head out, her worried eyes fell on Halfsack. Trying to keep a neutral face, but secretly hoping he would notice something off and tell Jax, Delaney managed a small smile. “Hey, Jax sent me just to check on you, Make sure you didnt need anything. I know you guys arent in the best place right now, but he cares Ya’know.” Kip started to Ramble. Delaney’s eyes filled with tears she couldnt stop. Clearing her throat trying to move the fast growing lump, she tried not to think that this would possibly be the last time she laid eyes on someone in her family. If she knew yesterday would be the last time she saw Jax, she wouldnt of wasted it arguing. The issue of Tara seemed stupid now. Now that today would be her last day. Tried not to think of their little baby tucked away in her belly, another one they wont get the chance to raise. Death would be a blessing in that regard, she wouldnt have to feel the pain of losing another child. “I-Im Fine. Thank you. P-Please tell Jax, that i love him, m-more than a-anything.” Halfsack smiled but looked at his  VP’s old Lady quizzically. She was weird,But he couldnt put his finger on it. Is this what pregnancy hormones does to women? Kip nodded at her anyway and started to head back towards his bike. “Oh and Kip?” He turned as she called. “Please can you tell him I’m Sorry?” Kip couldnt hide the confused look on his face but before he could question what she was sorry for the door was shut. Getting on his bike, He headed straight towards Gemma’s. He couldnt shake the feeling something was off. 

“Jax i think you need to go home.” Halfsack walked straight into Gemmas Kitchen, finding his VP sat at the table drinking a coffee. He looked like he had been up all night with the weight of the world on his shoulders. “Is she okay?” Gemma questioned worriedly. The last thing her son needed was anything to happen to Delaney and the baby. “Shes weird, i dont know how to explain it. Somethings off Jax. She said to tell you she loves you more than anything, but she was all stuttery and was trying to stop herself from crying. And then i was about to leave she called my name and said to tell you she was sorry.” Kip really couldnt explain the panicked feeling it left him with, but he needed Jax to go home. “So do you think she was just upset about the argument we had? Crying is normal right? Shes pregnant and hormonal.” Jax tried to think logically. Maybe Halfsack was overthinking this. “No baby, i think we should go check on her. If he thinks something is off, its worth checking out. Shes been through alot recently, lets just go make sure she is fine.” Jax nodded at his mother. He didnt want to wait till Monday to go home anyway. This thing with Tara was sorted, he’s handled it, so he was hoping they could move on. He could go home and start getting ready for their little miracle baby. Their boy. Even thinking about the baby made a smile stretch on his face. The three of them. Their own little family. Grabbing his Kutte, Jax followed his mom out the door and headed to his bike. He was going home. 

There were many times in her life that Delaney pictured her death. Planned it, hoped for it even. Part of her always knew Alex would one day be the cause of it. But one thing she didnt imagine, was that it would happen in Jax’s house. There she was, on her knees infront of Alex, in Jax’s living room. Gun only a few inches from her forehead. 1 Shot. Clean. Execution Style. Thats all it would take, and she would no longer exist. Would Jax be the one to find her? No, she didnt want that image left for him. She didnt want him to see her like that. It would haunt him. How long would he wait before seeking comfort from another woman? Would it be Tara’s arms he fell back into? She hoped not. But the thought of him running to a crow eater for comfort didnt make her feel any better. She could see the front door in her peripheral vision, like it was taunting her. Her only escape route and she couldnt take it. A punch to the side of the head brought her out of her thoughts. Fuck. “Are you even listening?” Alex spat at her. She winced as pain shot down her face and through her jaw. “Yeah, some shit about your gonna kill me. Leave my body for Jax. Whatever. I told you earlier. Im done with your games. You wanna kill me? Get it fucking over with.” Another smack split her cheek and had her seeing stars. Her ears were ringing with the force of the smack and she blinked hard trying to come to her senses. She heard the safety click off on the gun and her stomach dropped. “Are you gonna cry?” He taunted. Gritting her teeth, Delaney looked forward. Was she fuck going to give him the satisfaction of seeing her panic. No if she was being taken from this earth, she was doing it swinging. She was fighting. She wasnt going to make it easy for this bastard. “Any Last words my love?” He grinned as he looked down at her. So scared, but trying to be so strong. He could see it in her eyes, the fear, and he would be lying if he said it didnt make him happy. “Yeah, I hope that Jax tortures you before he kills you. I hope he hurts you so fucking bad. Makes you cry like the pathetic little boy you really are on the inside. Theres a reason you are the way you are Alex. What is it huh? Mommy didnt love you enough? Did she not hug you? Did Daddy beat you? Was he never proud? Were you never good enough Alex Reid? Tried your hardest but never got daddy and mommy’s approval.” She could see the rage flicker in his eyes. It was working, she was getting to him. With any luck he would kill her quickly. 

Pulling up to the unusually quiet house, Jax was instantly worried. Usually the music Delaney played could be heard in the street it was that loud. And if you stood at the bottom of the drive you could see her dancing and swaying about the kitchen to the beat as she cleaned or cooked. There was always movement in their home, but now it was eerily quiet. Deciding instantly they needed to be careful Jax walked to where his mom sat in her car. “Prospect was right. Somethings off. Stay here, call the rest of the guys.” Gemma’s face showed her worry instantly. “Ya’know shes probably in bed getting rest like the doctor told her yesterday. You should probably leave her alone, let her rest. The doors not smashed off, its not trashed and theres no sign of an intruder. Jax maybe give her time.” Gemma tried to reason with her son, there was no sign of anything being wrong apart from the house being quiet. Sleeping people dont make much noise. Jax shook his head as he thought about what his mom said. He had the same feeling as Halfsack now he was here. His stomach twisted painfully. He just had to see her. Once he saw with his own eyes he would know she was okay and he would leave her to rest. “Okay, your probably right. I’ll go in through the garage and just check on her.” Knowing her son wasnt going to rest until he saw her in the flesh, Gemma agreed. Lighting a cigarette, she sat back and waited for Jax to come back. 

[witchthewriter]

𝑴𝒆𝒎𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒆𝒔 𝒐𝒇 𝑫𝒆𝒔𝒊𝒓𝒆   𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓

Paid story for @yourwinchesterbros. Word Count: 2k Warnings: swears, reader is currently kidnapped, violence, mentions of blood, guns, cigarettes etc

ᴹᵃˢᵗᵉʳˡᶤˢᵗ

(I know this may be a small thing, but reader is always titled ‘Zo’ rather than ‘the girl.’ It’s a small detail that I included because the Sons have a lot of respect for Zo. She’s not some random girl, she’s their Zo.) 

 The air was crisp, and when the Scotsman spoke, it was as if fire was rising from the pit of his stomach, turning to smoke as he spoke.

“You sure about that lad?” Chibs said and almost like a call to war, the Sons whipped out their weapons and pointed them at the opposing men.

  “Fuck,” one of the men grunted. You smiled, not being able to help it.  

The crickets weren’t chirping any longer. Their breath held just like the men behind you.

 These idiots had gotten in way over their heads. It’s what happens when a boy gets too big for his boots. Thinks he’s a gangster. Maybe the instigator grew up rich, maybe he idolised these types of men, or maybe this was retaliation. Whatever the reason, the Sons couldn’t give a fuck.

  Plus, the one you attacked needed to be seen by a professional. And that definitely wasn’t in the agreement.

“Now, we want Zo, and you can have ye money,” Chibs continued on.

   With the guns aimed at their heads, the four men didn’t seem as confident as they were mere seconds ago. Knowing that made you smile even more. You were once scared, but now … well now you were flooded with delight.

                                                          - ✦ -

Jax couldn’t keep his eyes from you. Even from afar, he was searching for any major wounds, and he nearly lurched forward when he saw the blood. The sight of you sprawled on the dirt ground, cuts and scratches covering your exposed body parts. Part of him crumbled inside. Must have been whatever was left of his heart.

   “I said no injuries,” Jax’s eyes were ablaze.

“Oh – well, that happened before the call…and the majority of the blood isn’t hers.” The ‘leader’ said in an obvious fake-confident tone. He had rushed saying the last part. They knew just how fucked they were.

    “What-“ Jax was going to press for more information, but he saw the ghost of a devilish smile on your face.

    He smirked, already figuring it out. That’s my girl, he thought.

You caught his eye and winked.

 Like fuck you couldn’t handle this life. He didn’t know you, or your backstory. Nor the horror you had endured. This? This was nothing. That other night? You realised that it hadn’t had affected you as badly as you thought. You could function, hell, right now you felt on top of the world.

 But that was …

Fuck.

 It was because of Jax.

He instilled so much confidence in you. Like you came alight whenever he was near. Not like twin flames, but like you were the air that flamed his fire. But you could also quell it. He could warm you, but … also burn you. He had burned you. And this was why you were in this mess.

 Maybe he hadn’t realised just how much his words meant to you? He definitely didn’t know how long you had yearned for him. So his dismissal felt like the end of the world.

It was like he could read your face, the thoughts so clearly askew on your dirt-covered features.

  He really meant something to you.

Jax felt a sharp pang in his chest, and he felt like… crying.

 You deserved so much better. And he didn’t feel good enough. That he couldn’t provide anything that would satisfy you. Not completely.

                                                             - ✦ -

  “Okay, okay,” your almost-lover lowered his weapon, motioning for his guys to do the same. They did so, albeit slowly.

 “Up,” he whispered, that cologne had excited you only hours before, and now it disgusted every part of your body.

 Grabbing you underneath the armpit, he roughly got you to your feet. You stumbled and he gripped you harder. That’s when you swung the rock sharply at his face.

“Fuck YOU!” You screamed. The anger boiling over. Like a pot on a stove unattended, the lid rattled and water sizzled.

      “AH! FUCK!” He shrieked, dropping his gun entirely, and covering his dripping face.

Then shots rang out, loud and echoing.

  But the man was still screaming, and you didn’t stop your attack. Bullets be damned, you were going to get your revenge no matter what. He wasn’t going to walk away from this unscathed.

You hadn’t waited for hours for nothing. You weren’t a damsel in distress. You were a viper lying in wait.

  Your arm was brought up then down, up then down, over and over. Smashing the man’s face in.

“FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU! FUCK YOU!” You screamed it over and over. Until his face was … no more.

   “Zo, zo, Zoe!” Familiar hands were on you now. A familiar smell, warmth, voice.

It halted you. Someone had turned down the heat on the stove, until it was completely off. The water had stopped boiling, all that was left was a lidded pot with warm water.

You sagged in his arms.

 “It’s okay,” Jax said, taking the bloodied rock from your hands. At some point you had started crying, the tears trailing clean lines down your dirtied face.

You let him pick you up and walk you to the other Sons. Turning your head, you realised that the sound of bullets were your men killing your captures.  

And that meant … you were safe.

                                                               - ✦ -

The ride back was a blur.

 Tig had wrapped a blanket around your shoulders, because as soon as you got in the car, you started shaking. Shock, the cold – whatever it was, they were worried.  

  “I-I’m fine,” you mumbled, but clutched at the scratchy blanket and hugged it closer around your body.

  “Any longer out there and the cold would’ve killed her,” Juice said to Happy, whose nose flared in response.

The ride was silent, no one asked you any questions. You had changed the course of action with your decision to bludgeon someone to death.

 No one batted an eye at it. The man deserved it. And a few prospects would be out there in a few hours to clean up the mess. She’s gonna be fine, Jax thought. His eyes were full of concern.

 When they got back to the clubhouse, they all jumped out and helped you inside.

Like a watch dog, Happy didn’t leave your side. Chibs had started you a hot shower, a mug of tea and some buttered toast. (The only food the clubhouse has - Chucky hadn’t been grocery shopping yet).

Who knew bikers could be such mother hens?

                                                           - ✦ -

     Chibs had run the shower in Jax’s room.

   You halted in the doorway, and the blonde-haired beauty motioned for you to come in. You didn’t notice the mess, your head too fuzzy to think clearly. It wasn’t as messy as Jax’s bedroom at home. Chucky made sure to keep the rooms at the clubhouse at least somewhat presentable.

  You didn’t see the near empty bottles that were scattered on the bathroom bench. Cologne, aftershave, simple things. He didn’t stay here often. The boys had a home, and that’s where Jax stayed.

 The bathroom was steamy by the time you entered, and you sighed in relief at the warmth. The ensuite wasn’t small, but it wasn’t big either. A toilet, sink and shower with a window that so high up and small that no one could enter or exit nor see in.

  Jax held your face in his hands but your eyes were glazed over and he knew you couldn’t do this yourself.

     “I’m gonna help you okay? You tell me if you don’t want me to-“

You murmured a yes and that’s all he needed.

    Undressing you, he tried not to look at your … private bits… and helped you into the shower. It was the perfect temperature; Chibs had made sure of it.

Letting the water soak your hair, he got the wash cloth and cleaned all the dirt and grime from your face, hands, and body. Jax was being so gentle, so soft.

      His rings glinted on the bathroom countertop.

Using his own shampoo, he massaged it into your hair and made sure it didn’t get in your eyes. He made sure to wipe your hands. Dirt and blood covered them. By the time he was done, they looked normal.

     You were silent as he cleaned, not caring how he saw you.

There was a part of you that was shocked at what you did. You had beaten a man. Was it you that killed him or a bullet? Maybe he was shot so you would never know. Once again the Sons looked out for you.

  “I’m sorry this happened to you,” Jax’s voice was barely above a whisper. His hands worked as he spoke, rinsing you once again. You were washed a few times. You must have been covered in grime…or maybe he liked this. You liked this. You couldn’t deny it. The words weren’t coming out, but you knew what was going on.

 Jax kept speaking. Pulling you out of whatever hole your mind was creating.

“You don’t deserve this Zo. This is what I meant. Why I left,” he turned off the faucet and wrapped the fresh towel around you. Surprisingly, it was clean.

  “I handled it,” you mumbled, standing on the mat. Water dripped down your face, down your back, your neck.

Jax was shocked to hear you speak, as he returned with the mug and toast. He led you into the bedroom. Where clothes were laid out for you. A big black SOA shirt, boxers, and a jumper.

 Jax placed the food and drink on the dresser and turned as you changed. Giving you some privacy.

“You did.” His words hit hard. So hard. They were validating.

    “I did.”

When you were dressed, you sat on the bed and exhaustion hit you.

 Jax moved the food closer to you, and you took a bite, a sip and that’s all you wanted. You moved up the bed and Jax helped so you could wriggle underneath.

 You remembered your boys then, just as you got cosy.

“My dogs-“

   “I’ll get one of the guys to check on ‘em. You just rest.”

You nodded your head in thanks.

He still had his big boots on, no white sneakers in sight. You thought maybe he would get a shower too, but he just laid on his back beside you. Unspeaking.

     “Jax-“

“Just rest.”

                                                              - ✦ -

The morning light filtered through the curtains. But you didn’t stir. You slept, and no one was to wake you – Jax’s orders.

 Even as the hours ticked by, he let you rest.

   It wasn’t until 2pm that you woke. You started awake, unsure of where you were. But calmed instantly once you realised it was just the clubhouse. In Jax’s room… in Jax’s bed.

Your cheeks flushed when you realised that he had seen you naked. Flushed even more once you realised he had been so gentle.

Finding that your clothes were nowhere to be found (Chucky had put them in the wash), you tried to find … suitable … clothing. And trudged into the common room.

Everyone was there.

 Even Gemma, Wendy and the boys. You blushed so much you could feel it in your legs.

“Afternoon,” someone called and you just nodded. You felt so lost, until you saw that familiar head of blonde hair. The anxiety eased.

  “Hey, how you feelin’?” Jax had changed since last night. But he’d never left the clubhouse. Not wanting to leave you.

     “Ugh, I feel…rested,” you replied, eyeing Wendy as she eyed you.

“That’s good,” his hand gently held your cheek and you sucked in a breath.

    You looked up into his face and he stared straight back. Then his other hand went to your other cheek and swore the world stopped.

It was only you and Jax. You could feel it. Just the two of you.

    And then his lips pressed against yours. Soft and gentle, exactly as he was last night.

There was a round of cheers, whistles and cat calls. But you couldn’t hear them, because no one but you and the Prince of Charming existed.

[comfy-whumpee]

Every Time

One of the @amonthofwhump Whumpmas prompts hit me just right.

TW: murder, intimate whump, drugging mention, referenced emotional abuse and child neglect.

Savvie, Izzy and Jamie are characters from @ashintheairlikesnow and written collaboratively!

@bloodybrambles, @wildfaewhump, @lektric-whump, @that-one-thespian, @raigash, @burtlederp, @rosesareviolentlyread, @eatyourdamnpears

-

Jax wakes up without moving. Moving isn’t safe. He takes his first conscious breath of the day without even opening his eyes. Where is she? What’s the last thing he remembers from last night? What was the last thing he ate and drank? Can he feel any pain?

Savvie is lying next to him, half-draped over him as usual. Her hair is what woke him up, tickling the underside of his chin, with threatening strands around his mouth. He’s dreamt of choking to death on her hair, more than once. He doesn’t need blankets when she does this.

He twists his head, then waits. She doesn’t stir. Her breathing remains steady. He opens his eyes.

There’s light behind the heavy curtains, but only enough to suggest the sun is up. It’s not daytime yet. She won’t want to be woken up, and if he tries, she’ll grumble and roll over.

That makes it the perfect time. He reaches out for the edge of the mattress, fingers curling around it, and uses the leverage to slide himself sideways on the bed without sitting up. Gently, he slips free of her weight. One of her hands flexes, reaching for him, and she lets out a tiny groan, which stops him dead.

“I’ve got it,” he murmurs to her.

Half-asleep, she doesn’t wonder what it is that he’s supposedly got. It could be anything. But he’s taking care of it, so she doesn’t have to move, or care, or wake up and ask why he’s leaving her. He knows she usually doesn’t even remember these moments in the morning. When he draws the covers back over her, she smiles and sighs, eyes still closed.

He tiptoes over the plush carpet and out the door. He exhales his first full breath. Free for an hour or two, except for the cameras and the locks. And the collar, but that’s only a problem if she wakes up annoyed that he’s not there.

Feet angled along the edge of the floorboards, he pads his way down to the other end of the hall, where the kids’ rooms are secluded far enough that they won’t disturb their mother, but close enough that they can rouse their father, if they need him. He listens at Izzy’s door before knocking softly, knuckles barely brushing the painted wood underneath her Isabella sign.

There’s no answer, so he moves on to Jamie’s room. He doesn’t need to knock for Jamie, but he does anyway, another soft rapped pattern. He is not surprised when he hears a whispered voice inside, and moments later, the door opens to show his daughter.

“Hi, daddy,” she whispers.

She knows it’s him before she sees him, of course. That’s why he knocks, no matter what room she’s in. She doesn’t deserve the stress of being startled, even if it’s a happy surprise. He smiles at her anyway, and she carefully checks up the hall for Savvie’s bedroom door. Seeing it shut, her eyes light up, unguarded this early in the morning. The monster still sleeps in its cave.

“Hey, kiddo,” he says, stepping into the room. He looks for Jamie as his first instinct. He knows where Izzy is, closing the door quietly behind him, so he needs to account for his other top priority.

Jamie is half-sitting on an array of pillows, clearly arranged to help him stay mostly upright. One of his books is at his feet, and his pudgy fingers touch its open cardboard pages, exploring the textures of the creatures on the page. He does this with an obvious expression of total wonder. It’s one of Jax’s favourite things about raising this little boy: the world is endlessly fascinating to him.

Izzy knows the truth about the world, but still, she likes the occasional story. He scoops her into a quick hug. “You woke up early again?”

She gets put to bed so damn early it’s no surprise. Savvie wants mommy and daddy time, which is code for the shit Izzy absolutely does not get to see or hear about ever at all. Of course, mommy and daddy time cannot have their actual children present. Jax hasn’t yet pointed out the irony.

Izzy is already going back to Jamie, who has noticed Jax’s presence and is trying to drag himself off the bed. Jax isn’t sure why Savvie put a bed in here, next to the crib, but he’s glad she did. Even if he usually falls asleep in the armchair instead, Jamie in his arms.

Jax joins her, helping Jamie onto his lap, where he desperately wants to be. He lifts his baby boy up to his chest, so Jamie can throw his little arms around his daddy’s neck. Izzy tucks into his side.

“We was reading a story,” Izzy explains. “Jamie wanted to feel.”

Jax picks up the book, but Jamie isn’t about to let go for a minute. “A story for Jamie, huh? How about you go get one for yourself? I think he’s going to want to cuddle for a bit, no story.”

Izzy looks at her brother and nods. She gets down without another word, and a brief instinct clutches Jax, urging him to reach for her and make sure she doesn’t leave. He doesn’t let it show. She’ll be right back.

He watches, lips brushing Jamie’s hair, as she opens the door as little as possible and slips out. He has the sudden realisation that she learned it from him. The less you open the door, the less it creaks. He can’t hear her footsteps down the hall, or the door of her own bedroom open and close.

She’s back within moments, book in her hands. Jamie’s breathing has slowed, hot pools against his collarbone, and Jax tucks his arms back down where he can clutch shirt and not collar. He pats the space next to him, and Izzy comes back to his side.

If he shrinks the world just to this space on the bed, and makes everything else disappear, there’s a chance he could be at home. It would have to be Izzy’s bed, though. And he wouldn’t buy her a duvet cover like this. She’d want a unicorn or something. But if he ignores that too, just focuses on his two kids and the books on his lap, that’s enough.

He reads quietly, stopping here and there to point out the illustrations, or see if Izzy can work out the big letter at the start of each page. Jamie sleeps, stirs, gets his bottle, sleeps again. Izzy sits completely still, but pays perfect attention, giggling at the jokes he dredges out of his brain for her. If this morning could last forever, with Savvie always asleep, he could probably make a life out of it.

Stupid wish. She makes herself known before they’ve even finished the damn book, her door opening with a loud click and her footsteps thudding down the hall. “Jax?” she calls, even though she knows damn fucking well where he’ll be.

Izzy is already reaching out to take Jamie from him. He feels that tug again. The fear of leaving them both.

He screws it up in his stomach and lets Izzy take her brother. Her arms are safer than his right now. He kisses her on the forehead as his goodbye.

“Jax?” She demands his presence. He crosses the room in three steps and slides out of the door, closing it behind him promptly before she can look inside and remember her children exist, and can therefore be hurt.

“Morning, Miss Savvie.” He breathes out a smile. “I didn’t think you’d be awake so early.”

She gives him a pouty look, but her eyes are smarter than the rest of her face. “Why wouldn’t I?”

He takes another easy breath and course-corrects. “Well, it’s more like I’m disappointed. I was hoping to bring you breakfast in bed.”

He listens for Izzy and Jamie, behind him in the bedroom, behind the door he’s guarding. He can’t hear them. Jamie must not have woken at being passed off. Jax’s arms ache for the warm, soft weight in them.

Savvie smiles like she doesn’t quite believe him, but she chooses to. “Don’t worry, sweetie. Let’s go out for breakfast instead. I don’t want anything we have in the cupboards.”

It’s a punishment for going to see them, instead of staying with her. He’ll find a moment later, when it’s less obvious, to mention that Jamie was starting to cry. He’ll give her the excuse and mollify her, but he can’t do it now. She’ll deny it’s a punishment - how could it be? Isn’t it a treat? - and possibly notice the manipulation. He doesn’t want her to notice that he lies.

Even though she demands that he does, to her face, several times a day.

“That sounds great. How soon can Hannah be here?”

The assumption tries to place her under obligation, but she breezes past it. “Oh, they’ll be fine for a couple of hours, won’t they? Isabella knows how to take care of her brother. Come on, we need to pick your outfit.”

She loops her arm around his, and he doesn’t resist as she effortlessly drags him away.

He doesn’t see his kids for the rest of the day.

-

Jax wakes up without moving. Moving isn’t safe. He breathes in slowly, slow enough that if she’s already awake, he’ll still sound like he’s asleep. He listens for her. She’s draped over his chest, arm around him, hair carpeting him from shoulder to chin. Strands tickle at his throat.

She’s asleep. He can feel her chest rising and falling. He opens his eyes.

Early morning again, that’s good. No, actually… He probably shouldn’t get up again today. She’ll hold it against him if she notices a pattern. He stays where he is, at least for a few seconds. Then he just has to get her hair out of his face. He strokes it instead of shoving it, though, and she breathes out deeply as he does, comforted.

He swallows painfully, thinking of Izzy with that same hair. Fuck it. He has to see them, whether Monster Mommy likes it or not. He reaches for the edge of the bed, grabs it, and pulls himself free. He imagines her making a sucker-popping noise as he comes loose, like an octopus.

He gets his feet to the floor, and then he’s running free, long tiptoed steps out of the door and down the hall. He knocks at Izzy’s door, gets no answer, knocks at Jamie’s.

The first blink of deja vu happens when she opens it. Something about the sound. Something about the exact arrangement of her oversized curls. He looks past her, and there’s Jamie–

“Hi, daddy,” she whispers.

–propped up on a throne of pillows, with the same book in his lap, his fingers touching the sheep’s wool.

No, Jax tells himself. Jamie likes the same book for days.

“Hey, kiddo,” he says. He steps into the room, and the relief is the same, to be out of the hall, out of sight of the door that could open at any time.

Jamie looks up, and this time, Jax sees his face drop into an expression of total shock before he starts crawling determinedly for the edge of the bed. Izzy hurries to stop him, and he lets out a short grunt of annoyance as she scoops him back onto the pillows. Jax sits down, and of course, his lap is colonised by the little terror Izzy cannot restrain.

“Been reading?” he asks. He can’t bring himself to say, again? Maybe he dreamt yesterday. Maybe it’s just a scene he’s seen before. This morning routine of his is hardly new.

“Mhmm,” Izzy confirms, picking up Jamie’s book and offering it to him without success. Jamie is gripping Jax’s shirt, trying to pull himself up, his little feet digging into Jax’s legs.

“You really like this one, huh, Jamie?” It’s the closest he dares to admitting his suspicion. Then he thinks of a better way. “But it looks like he’s only interested in cuddling right now. How about you go get a book for yourself, kiddo?”

“Okay, Daddy.”

Down she gets. Off she tiptoes. Slips out of the door and disappears.

Jax puts his hands around Jamie’s waist to help him stand properly. “Now then, you. What’s going on?”

Jamie stares back at him with befuddled brown eyes. Jax picks him up and hugs him close.

Izzy comes back in, and Jax smiles at her without needing to try. When he sees the book in her hands, he doesn’t flinch. The butterfly on the cover. The same one.

He pats the space next to him. At least he knows how to do this. She snuggles up and they read. He tries out the same jokes, the same letters for her to identify, and is rewarded with the same little giggles, the same tentative answers, and inevitably…

He hears the click of the door like a gunshot. He sets Jamie into Izzy’s ready arms.

She calls, “Jax?”

He’s already at the door. It hurts. He gets himself out of the room just as she’s calling his name again, and he meets her in front of Izzy’s door. “Morning, Miss Savvie.”

If this is the same as yesterday…

“I didn’t think you’d be awake so early.”

The pout. The calculating stare. “Why wouldn’t I?”

He takes a breath. Switches the script. “Well, the weather looks rubbish today. I thought you’d sleep in.”

“Oh, is it? I didn’t notice.” She tilts her head at him, her smile sparkling. “Rubbish, is it?”

He twists out a smile at her pantomime accent. He plays the game. “Aye, Miss Savvie.”

She laughs, looping her arm through his, turning to go back down the hall. “You’re so funny, Jax. Come on, let’s get breakfast. I want to try out that cafe–”

“We’re going out?”

“Yes,” she shakes his arm slightly, “and don’t interrupt, it’s rude.”

Fuck, fuck. “Do you want me to call for Hannah?”

“Don’t be silly. They’ll be fine for a couple of hours, won’t they?”

But it wasn’t. It won’t be. It was breakfast, coffee and pastries at the cafe, then the boutique next door, then a whole fucking shopping spree, lunch at a restaurant so fancy he thought he’d be asked to serve tables, then over to Isaac’s for dinner, and only then would she tell him to send someone to check on the kids, and she wouldn’t let Jax see them for the rest of the fucking day until he persuaded her to let him at least tuck them in so they’d sleep properly and not disturb their fucking mommy and daddy time.

The helpless lump in his throat gets swallowed down, where it burns and burns. “A couple of hours, yeah. I guess so.”

“You worry too much. Isabella’s old enough to take care of her brother.”

Maybe if he’s good enough at breakfast, she’ll give up on her revenge. He takes another breath.

“You’re right. Let’s go uh, pick my outfit?”

She giggles delightedly. She drags him away.

-

Jax wakes up without moving. He opens his eyes. Savvie’s arm presses down on his chest, her hair nearly in his mouth, and her breathing deep and slow.

He closes his eyes again. He’s sick of this dream. He’s sick of this everything.

He wakes up to her fingers tracing his eye socket. He blinks awake, flinching from the nail that’s right in front of his eyeball. She’s probably just being affectionate, he realises a second later, but a second is too long.

“Oh,” he says quickly. “Oh, Miss Savvie.” He breathes sharply, too fast. “I was having a bad dream, thank you for waking m-me.”

Her head tips to the side. She pretends she isn’t doing it to shake out her hair. She thinks it makes her look good. “Of course, sweetie,” she purrs. “You were frowning in your sleep. I just had to smooth away those wrinkles.”

He gives her a soft, dreamy smile. “You knew.”

It’s bullshit. She likes it when he’s scared, she wouldn’t wake him. But she just smiles more widely back. “Of course,” she repeats. She snuggles down, and he puts his arms around her how he’s meant to. “You must be stressed.”

For once, she’s not fucking wrong. Then again, that’s pretty much always true. “Yeah, a little.”

“Hmm.” She sits up, gasping as if she’s just had an idea. “Ooh, I know! Let’s go out today. We can get away from everything for a bit, have some time together, just us.”

His heart cracks. She’s not just talking about breakfast. Even though he didn’t get up, even though he’s right here where she wants him, and he’s being perfect, she still wants to take him away from the kids.

“That sounds lovely, Miss Savvie,” he says, each word tasting like chalk. The word lovely never used to be in his goddamn vocabulary. “You were telling me about that new cafe…”

She looks taken aback for a moment, and then she beams. “Oh, honey, you do know me so well. Let’s do it.”

He straightens, looking to the wardrobe. “Should I wear the new jumper, the cashmere one?”

It’s what he’s been wearing the last two days. But it seems, because he’s suggested it, it goes off the table. “Mm, not yet. Wait…”

As he watches, she gets that scheming look in her eyet.

“Yes, wear that. With the ivory slacks. You’ll look smart.”

Smart enough for dinner at her uncle’s, he guesses. She’s already got the whole day mapped out before she’s said a word to him. He’ll be sitting opposite Brayden getting his toes stamped on by the end of the day.

It’s pointless, but he asks. “Will you send someone to be with the kids, when they wake up?”

“Oh, they’ll be fine. Isabella’s old enough to take care of her brother.”

“If we’re going out for the day, though, Miss Savvie… We can’t risk a hospital trip.”

She sighs. “See, look how stressed you are! Maybe we should go away for longer.”

He hates her. God, he wants to smack her stupid smile off. “Maybe. We can see how I feel after today?”

“Mm.” She stretches. She casts a look his way, under her eyelashes. “Alright. If you’re still grumpy tomorrow.”

He has a feeling it won’t fucking matter, either way.

-

Jax wakes up without moving.

He sits up, gently placing her arm down by his side. He takes the pillow out from underneath his shoulder. He shifts a knee over her.

Doesn’t fucking matter either way, does it?

He puts the pillow over her face.

He’s going to have a nice, peaceful day with his kids.

-

He’s lost count.

“Can you go get a book for yourself, kiddo? I’m going to take Jamie down and make Mommy breakfast, and then I’ll be right back.”

She slips down off the bed. He holds Jamie close, and swallows the same old fear. She’ll come back. He knows that, now. She’ll come back with the butterfly book, and they’ll read it together. She’ll laugh when he points out the cross eyes on the little girl in that one picture. She’ll get O and D mixed up when he asks her to tell him which letter is on page six. Jamie will cling to his shirt.

They’ll have a nice morning together, if he can keep Savvie placated.

It’s the same as yesterday, as every day, as his whole fucking life before and after this…whatever this is.

Purgatory, probably.

-

They sit on either side of the little round table in the window of her new favourite cafe, sharing two pastries. He managed to get the coffee plain and black this time around, but he still imagines he can taste the fucking gingerbread syrup from every other cup he’s had.

“What’s wrong with you today?” she asks. It’s blunter than usual. She must be upset he’s not making this the romantic getaway of her dreams.

His hand curls around the mug. It’s so hard to keep looking forwards, when it’s the same as looking backwards.

She sets her hand down on the table, demanding he put his into hers. “Sweetie?”

The mug burns his skin. He imagines throwing it in her face. But no, it’s too early in the day. She’d have time to make the kids hurt. He’ll wait.

“We should go on a trip,” he tells her. “Just us two. It’s been a while.”

“Oh, that’s a brilliant idea!” She is instantly distracted. Too delighted to even be suspicious. “Where should we go? No, I know where…”

Later, he tells his aching hand. Closer to midnight. When nothing fucking matters.

-

He puts a finger over his lips. Izzy stares, wide-eyed, but nods slowly. She trusts him. No matter what. He kisses her forehead, and scoops Jamie out of his pillow kingdom.

They tiptoe downstairs, her little feet placed in his footsteps. He makes her a full English breakfast. By the time he sets the plate in front of her, he can hear Savvie’s footsteps down the hall.

He puts Jamie in his chair. He’ll have to cut up the hash browns and fried eggs for him afterwards.

The coffee cup is waiting on the side. He takes it upstairs. She’s calling.

He kisses her on the mouth before he hands her the drink. He watches her as she coos over his generosity. He watches her drop the mug after her first mouthful. Then she drops, too.

He’s done this too many times to care, anymore. He can keep the kids busy enough they won’t notice. He drags her back into the bedroom and shuts the door. He goes back downstairs to his children.

“Mommy’s not very well today,” he tells Izzy. He sits down next to Jamie to feed him quarters of button mushrooms. “She’s going to stay in bed all day. So we can do anything you want today.”

“Do we have to be very quiet?” she asks.

“Not at all. Mommy took some medication that makes her sleepy. We don’t need to worry.”

The light comes into her eyes. He’s never going to see a fucking sunrise again, but he can make do like this. “Okay, Daddy.”

Jamie bites down on his finger, and he laughs, until he cries.

It could be any day. It will be every day. He’ll never see Hannah again, not even if he lets Savvie drag him to the fucking Marcoset family dinner - which he does, sometimes, just for the variety, and to remember what Stewart looks like. He’ll never see his dad again, his mum or his sisters, and any of his friends. He’ll never go home and buy Izzy the unicorn duvet cover she deserves.

He’ll read every book in the house to them. He’ll watch every show on TV. He’ll teach Izzy the difference between O and D every single day. He’ll fry the eggs, grate the potatoes, chop the tomatoes, and put bleach in Savvie’s coffee, covered up by enough syrup to make her swallow it.

Every time. Parents would kill for this, he thinks. To spend every day with their kids, and never have to watch them grow up. Never having to watch them leave.

-

He figures out the passcode to her phone eventually. They’re sitting at the café at the table in the window, Izzy’s feet pressed gently against his legs just to feel him there on the other side of the table. She sips very carefully at her hot chocolate while Jamie gnaws on a flapjack, and Jax stares at his own face on the home screen of her newly opened phone.

He dials without thinking about it. Then he dials again, remembering the international code.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Dad.”

Izzy’s eyes go wide. She freezes in place, and he regrets his impulsivity. He tries to smile reassuringly at her.

“Jax?” his dad whispers. “Where are you?”

He probably should have planned this better. But he’ll get a do-over tomorrow. “I’m good, Dad. Uh, yeah, I’m out. I’m safe, I’m at this shelter. Cops are working on getting me home.” He pauses. What else would his dad want to hear? “And I’m not f… messed up, like before. I’m okay.”

“You’re coming home?”

“Yeah.” He reaches for Izzy’s hand, gently loosening it from the cup. “And, listen, Dad… I’ve got kids. Don’t – don’t ask the question you’re thinking. I’ve got a little girl called Izzy and a baby boy called Jamie, and they’re perfect. I’m happy, right now, alright? And I can’t wait for you to meet them.”

His throat nearly closes. Alfie will never get to meet them at this rate. But they can’t exactly get across the fucking ocean in a single day.

“Two kids,” Alfie repeats, stunned. “Your own kids?”

“Yeah. Gallagher kids. You know all about beans on toast, don’t you, kiddo?” He smiles at her. She’s starting to relax, slowly, at realising her mother isn’t going to appear and rain hell on them all for Jax daring to speak to his old family. “They’re mine and they’re coming with me wherever I go.”

“Well, of course…” Alfie’s voice is starting to ease from shock to wonder. “I, I don’t know what to say.”

“Tell me how mam’s doing. And Georgia and Poppy and the kids, and Casey, and everything.”

Jamie drops oats down his front, and Jax puts the phone down on speaker on the table so he can clear them up. He doesn’t let go of Izzy’s hand as Alfie starts to talk.

-

Jax wakes up already rolling out of bed. He feels like he can handle the pillow today. Sometimes, seeing her thrash for her life is too much, but recently it’s started to feel routine. She’s long since been dead, to him. This is just catching her up with reality.

He knows where the remote is. He knows how to disable the collar. He’s forgotten what the days were like when they were different, but this one, he knows perfectly.

The kids are awake. He gets them dressed, kissing each of them as he helps with buttons and babygros. He takes the car keys. He throws all the food he fancies into a bag and entrusts it to Izzy. They’re going for a picnic. Yes, Mommy said it was okay.

Maybe he’ll make it to the coast, this time.

Maybe he’ll take another stab at getting to Hannah.

Maybe he’ll just go to the field with the wildflowers. They both loved that one.

Or maybe he’ll think of something new.

[the-moon-shine-drink]

THE AMAZING DIGITAL CIRCUS. (Headcanons+Opinions of each charecter/the pilot)

THE MUSIC??? DUDE THAT THEME SONG IS STUCK IN MY HEAD AND I AM AOJAY WITH THAT.

HELLO CAINE X MOON??? /J PLEASE— Ok but for real tho I really like Caine as a charecter. "YOU PARASITE—" has been in my head since i watched the pilot. Honestly I think I could do a whole headcanon/blurb post about him...

Jax is my favorite. Bro this polygonal thing is the william afton and sam the bunny love child that i definitely needed in my life. Cocky bastard litterally made me die laughing when he said "ohno they killed zooble. Y'all hungry?" but also i kinda want to smack him cuz GANGLE DIDNT DESERVE THE MASK BREAKKNG.

Jax gets TWO paragraphs cuz he's cool. Dude he's the youngest out of all of them so (assuming they age like they do irl cuz we don't know if they do or not) he could've been here since he was a teen. Bro. Seriously. I can't. He's probably been the closest to find the exit and he just doesn't say anything cuz "There's no adventures in the real world." or something i dunno 😭. Ya know the keys he has to everyone's door? I feel like thag could either be an episode or it could like be a way to show off all the rooms. He's so silly i love my little dumb bunny.

I saw a tiktok whrrr it was caine and jax thinking something about tumblr sexy man AND IM SUING THE WEBSITE IF EITHER IR THEM ARE EVER APPEAR AS ONE.

Kinger is silly goose and DEFINITELY not nuerotypical. CMON PEOPLE WE SEE HIM NESTING AND HE HAS AN INSECT HYPERFIXATION.

Oh and CMON THE CLOWN HAS SUCH A CUTE DESIGN WHY DID HE DIE IN THE PILOT 😭

Zooble is so real for being done with the world. They do not give a 🎪🌀‼️ if they cannot swear and does it anyway.

Awww my lil ribbon thing gangle. Again, such great charecter potential in them. I feel like thier mask could make a whole episode like if they have no mask and is just ribbon or gets more masks and stuff (GLITCH HIRE ME/J)

Ragatha is so real. That's all. I love her charecter. i love love love her. but man does this girl need a hug.

Look I usually hate main characters BUT GOD POMNI IS SO LOVEABLE. My lil anxious i love her so much. I love her design and her womp womp face on her door. I think overtime she's gonna grow to love this place or just live in this constant line of abstracting.

i think that's all the characters but yeah new hyperfixation when i have time and energy i'll post about what i think their rooms look like ok byeee (i was putting tags and realized i forgot pomni so that's why she's last😭)

[starrysmiling]

on fern and romance...

in one of the new scenes in steps v2, i have fresia tease fern about how they would be a great couple because of how comfortable he looks when he's with jax, and how he even willingly laughs and smiles, but fern argues that he doesn't like jax the same way:

...and it was really interesting to make this stand out while writing this scene, because there are several instances where i've made fern say that he's close with jax, he cares about him, or that he likes being around him:

at this point it was kinda a recurring joke between mage and i to say "and fern still says he doesn't like jax! even though he's like this with him!" but we dug a little into it, and it feels like we accidentally made all the clues point to one thing:

despite his observant nature and how much the reader can tell he obviously cares about jax, fern being unable to recognise his own feelings is because he only knows how to recognise signs of romance when they're physically expressed.

because, if you think about it, you don't really get to see the internal aspects of showing interest in someone when you observe other people. even in media, there's a lot of cases where you're shown physical external signs of attraction/romance, and that's why fern can recognise flirting, or how someone talks to someone they like, or the way jax looks at him like he deserves the world... that's exactly why he can tell that jax is in love with him, because jax wears his heart on his sleeve and is far too easy to read.

but he doesn't know any of the internal tells, which he's starting to show. and of course, fern doesn't express any of these physical signs, because he's a fucker who won't express vulnerability. this isn't really helped at all by the fact that fern doesn't have that many close friends to compare his relationships with, and that the line between the close friendship he has with jax and possible romance is very blurred, especially when he knows that jax is romantically interested in him.

it's only later (which i'll address in a different fic) that fern sorts out his feelings and what they mean, because at that point he's having a crisis over having kissed jax at the end of steps, knowing that it's a romantic gesture, knowing that jax took it as a reciprocation of his feelings, because he still doesn't think he likes jax but every fucking fibre of his body is screaming that he hates the idea of rejecting jax, for a multitude of reasons including that he doesn't want to see jax all broken up, he doesn't want to be the one who hurt him, and also his fear of abandonment is making him think that jax will just straight up cut him out of his life. and the conclusion he gets from that is that he wishes he was in love with jax, while being completely unaware that he's been walking down that path for a while now.

(which is funny, because afterwards, when he's finally sure that what he feels for jax is romantic love, he's down so bad that he's even worse than jax. fern loves and loves and loves and he cares so much but he just needs to recognise what it is.)

(one other thing i love about fern and his journey with romance is that he realises he loves jax when they're sitting together watching tv and he thinks that he likes it. that he could have more of this. that he is genuinely happy to sit next to jax and make snide comments about the shitty plotlines of tv dramas and maybe rest his cheek on jax's shoulder while he does so. jax gives him comfort and a space where he can shed himself of everything weighing on his shoulders while still being his rival and best friend and someone that fern respects with all his heart. it's no wonder that fern loves him so much.)

[roadtogracelandx45]

New York State of Mind |1| Suits x Sons crossover

I am so nervous about posting this after some reviews that I got about Ryder. But here we go;

crossposted on ao3 and wattpad.

Introduction 

Tacoma Washington 

For the first time in over 4 years Ryder Teller was able to travel for work without having a Sons' sitter go with her and she was thrilled, everywhere she went after she graduated law school and was in Tacoma, she had a Son with her. She went to Chino to see her brother or to see her sister-in-law and the kids, a Son went with her. She went into the office, a Son went with her.

A lot of the time it was Kozik or Happy but they were both unable to leave the state due to their parole status and Ryder was thankful for that, she needed to be a different Ryder, one that didn't bend to the will of her old man and as much as Jax wanted to override her going out there he couldn't, she had made a valid point, he was able to do what he wanted and could come and go as he pleased, but she couldn't? She had been faithful to him since they got together.

That double standard should never be around, but she lived in a very black-and-white man's world and what they said went and it was exhausting. She was exhausted and she just didn't know that until Jessica Pearce asked for her to come out and work with them.

"You know Jax is furious right?" Kozik commented from where he was sitting on the chair in front of Ryder's vanity, "That you are going, and you aren't listening to him." Ryder paused as she was folding up the shirt to put in her suitcase.

"I don't think that I should have to listen to him Koz, "She started, "I am not putting my career on hold again to appease him. If he and Clay want me to help the club out I have to make friends at other law firms in other states. What would happen if you guys went on the run and got in trouble? I have my law license in California, Washington, and New York. I can't do it anymore." She shoved her hands through her hair and fought back tears.

Kozik knew that she was right and that she had more hurt than joy since she became Jax's old lady. He remembered holding her as she cried her eyes out when she found that she had miscarried a baby when she first moved to Tacoma after Jax cheated on her again with Tara. This wasn't the Ryder that he knew when she was younger, this was a broken Ryder. A completely broken Ryder.

"Shouldn’t I be able to be happy to Koz? He is making himself happy.  I don't know if I can keep doing this every single time. " She pointed a trembling finger to the blackberry sitting on top of the folding clothes. It had gone off several times while they were talking and they both assumed that it was Jax trying to get into contact with her

 and talk her out of going to New York again. He had done everything short of showing up at the house and handcuffing himself to her. And being on probation he was unable to go with her to New York for the three months she had been loaned out to them. And it was driving him crazy.

"You are right." He started as he held up his hands not wanting to set her off. 

"I know I am god damn right Herman. I get that I was born into this lifestyle and it's a man's world. But I should never ever be subjected to live like this." She reached across the bed, yanking the phone off of her belongings, and pressed the green answer button, "WHAT do you want!" she snarled, causing the biker to lean back in his chair in surprise. In all the years that he had known the younger Winston sibling, she had never reacted like that before.

To anyone. 

Not even Tara Knowles who justifiably earned every single ounce of hatred that Ryder held towards her.  There was so much hate, so much bitterness. No amount of sweet-talking or promises on the Mother Charter's vice president's part was going to do anything to make her forgive him. 

And honestly, he didn't deserve it. It had finally happened. She had enough and was tired of being broken 

"Look, I am probably gonna catch hell for this but, Jax is coming up tonight after church to talk to you about staying." He started once she was off of the phone, the angry tears coming down her cheeks, "If I were you, I would get on an earlier flight."

Ryder abandoned all packing and picked up her phone and pressed a few buttons and put her phone to her ear. "Hey, Donna, It's Ryder Teller, is there a way you can get me on an earlier flight out? My brother told me not to come down today to see him and the sooner I get out of Washington the better." She was silent for several long minutes before speaking again, "Yes, I can be ready in 30 minutes to go." Donna Paulson, Harvey Specter's assistant, had already been told to get a private plane and driver set up for Ryder Teller. Jessica Pearson and her other partners wanted Ryder Teller to be a part of their firm.

"Thank you, Donna." She hung up the phone and looked at the blonde biker, "Thank you Koz, I know you aren't supposed to tell me stuff like this." He waved it away, "Finish packing what you absolutely need, and then go shopping for the rest when you get there." She wiped her cheek off again and started putting the rest of the clothes that she brought out of her closet into the suitcase.

"What are you going to tell Jax when he shows up?" She asked as Kozik carried her suitcase and carry on to the awaiting black car a while later. "Don't worry about it, Ry. I will handle it." He returned, "Just do stuff for yourself this time around, make yourself happy, that's

 all I can ask for."

"I can do that.' She returned, "Don't know what it looks like but I will find out." His mouth quirked into a smirk, he wanted to tell her to do what Jax did to her and sleep with someone else but he knew that Ryder wouldn't do it. But maybe she would surprise him. She always seemed to.