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hueseok · 3 years ago

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04 ⋆ lost stars.

the last person you’d expect to be there for you is your roommate, jeongguk, on the night you break up with your cheating boyfriend; because as far as you’re concerned, the both of you aren’t exactly friends, and he definitely shouldn’t be running to get you upon hearing you sob via phone call.

so when he does, you begin thinking that maybe you’ve just been hard on him over the years, or perhaps he just liked pretending to be an annoying shit most of the time. either way, it becomes the beginning of an unexpected friendship finally blossoming.

pairing: jeongguk x reader

word count: 9.8k

rating: NC-17

warning/s: lots of swearing + some vulgar speech that are meant to be funny in context | um a cliché plot 🥴

→ beta read by the lovely @1-800-seo !!

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iv. is this what we’ve been missing?

“Wow, you’re really determined to not treat me to any good restaurant, huh?”

I give him a glare as I close the lid of the second lunch box I’m packing, containing the rice that the both of us are going to be sharing for today as well. I already loaded the side dishes and the beef I previously cooked for this trip, a gesture I might have done for the reason he stated but I’m actually more concerned about other matters than the rather petty motive—matters that specifically concerns how the inside of my wallet is going to look at the end of the day when we both manage to finish what needs to be done.

“Don’t take it personally, Jeongguk, this is only for me to not spend any more money than I should.”

He stares at me. “Was renting that car really expensive?”

“Kind of.”

“Damn, you should have just asked me from the start. We could have just used Rocky.”

I press my lips together to stop myself from smiling. No matter how many times he mentions the name he gave to his motorbike, I always end up with this urge to laugh over it; I return his stare. “You do know that I only asked you to drive me because I had no choice, right?”

“Crystal clear.”

“Yeah, so that means I didn’t actually intend to be with you on this trip. Meaning there’s no way I would have asked you from the start—or agreed to willingly ride your bike again.”

“I know.” Jeongguk snorts, as if it was common knowledge already. “And yet here we are, huh? Funny how fate decides to play us sometimes, bunny.” He abruptly slides the bag I previously placed all the containers in towards his side of the table, zipping it close, slinging it over his shoulder and then grabbing the car keys on the flat surface before I could say anything about it. I watch him in disbelief as he heads to the front door, leaving me there with nothing left to bring but my camera bag.

8 hours. That’s how long I’m supposed to tolerate him while also making sure that I get shit done for my project. It didn’t seem too much of a hard thing to do since we spend more hours than that usually due to living in one space, but after the whirlwind of events that happened between us, it has become hard for my mind to grasp the idea, much less be fine with it.

Jeongguk, on the other hand, well, I don’t know what he truly feels about this. He seems okay—I daresay amused with it even—with how he’s always throwing teasing remarks or purposely making me want to pull all my hair out in annoyance at every chance that he gets. In fact, it seems that he’s been more like the better version of himself after he agreed on driving me to the location I’m planning to take pictures in, like the Jeongguk who suddenly became an ass when he returned from the semester break was the one who was part of my hallucinations and not the other way around, totally puzzling me further.

I wanted to confront him about it though, to be honest. I wanted to ask him what his deal was. We’ve been roommates for almost the entirety of our college life now, yet this was the first time I was actually seeing him in a better light. Why did he suddenly decide that being a dick to me again was a good move just as we were actually starting to be friends? Or perhaps if I was more courageous than I thought, I would even go as far as asking him if any of his bratty attitude had anything to do with me or was it really about daddy issues like Yeeun claimed, just so I could maybe understand this whole situation better than I do at this moment.

I wanted to do those things so badly, to be the one who steps up between the both of us, but I felt like I didn’t have the right to since I didn’t know how far I should go in this weird relationship of ours. We aren’t exactly friends (as what’s been constantly pointed out), not exactly enemies, and yet to claim that we’re acquaintances would still be an understatement given our history with our parents being tight. Maybe we really are just a pair of people who live together and nothing else.

Most importantly, I was back on my I-don’t-care-about-you-like-you-think-I-do agenda, and asking him about that felt like I’m going forth with totally ruining my act.

***

There’s something about antique objects and antique buildings that makes my brain tingle in excitement. It’s this nostalgic vibe and atmosphere that makes me so curious to learn about how it would be like if I was someone from this certain time and I was looking at all of this with my own eyes, unaware that in a few decades of more, someone like me will be standing here, without a knowledge of what truly happened or took place beyond what’s written in scriptures and the like yet so keen of knowing what really commenced to keep on pursuing.

Growing up, my mother used to joke that I was an old soul because of my appreciation when it came to music that were released back in their time and not mine��always showcasing some interest in museums, in historical locations, in literature that held significance in a specific time period, and even just my unmistakable illiteracy in technology at some instances that led her to believe I was that way. It’s also the reason why going to a local folk village is my first destination among the two I’m planning to go to today for my work’s content, wanting to get tons of pictures and write a lot of things too that I think can resonate to what it once was, hopefully impressing my professor along the way as I do.

Jeongguk lets out a sigh rather loudly that it makes me halt, levelling my camera down and glancing at him to see that he has his arms crossed, staring straight ahead where my target is supposed to be.

“Are you getting bored?” I ask.

He glances at me. “Oh, I’m sorry, was I being too obvious?”

“Ha, ha, ha,” I utter out a what’s supposed to be a laugh without emotion, “If you’re going to be like this, you should have followed my advice when I said that you can just wait in some nearby cafe.”

“And leave you by yourself?”

“Yeah.”

“Like hell I would.”

I blink. “Jeongguk, I’m sure you’re well aware that this thing you’re doing for me isn’t exactly babysitting,” I point out in annoyance, getting ready to take another shot, “so you can go and leave me alone if you want to.”

Instead of marching away like I expect him to, he only gets something from his pocket, AirPods, like some emo adolescent kid who was brought along by his mother to a gathering he didn’t like, and I stare at him, not believing what I was witnessing before my eyes that a scowl unconsciously makes it way to my face.

“What?” He places them on each ear, noticing my expression. “Would you rather I start talking to you to not get bored?”

“No,” I automatically reply. “Just don’t know why you can’t just go away like I asked.”

“I don’t want to take the risk of possibly not being here when you get kidnapped.”

“Let’s be honest. Do you really care enough to be concerned about whether I do or don’t?”

“I care enough to think ahead and not be held liable if you do as the person you’re last seen with.”

“Thanks, Jeongguk, I appreciate that so much.” I flash him an insincere smile.

Thankfully he doesn’t snap back another smartass comment, or else I might have seriously considered throwing my camera to him in complete aggravation before I go and take that delayed shot.

***

As I take picture after picture in this old village, I can feel his eyes on me, feel his presence following closely behind whenever I go walk towards another spot to take a photo better, but I don’t dare to turn and return his stare no matter how much it was making me a little bit uncomfortable, not wanting this awkwardness I was feeling to be with him worsen throughout the whole day. All I had to do was practically ignore his presence and maybe say a couple of sentences just to convince myself I wasn’t being a total ass—why the hell is that so hard to do?

What’s worse is that there is still another location that we have to go to and I might even have to treat him to dinner if we finish early, and just thinking about it is making my heart unnecessarily beat fast. I already had enough with the suffocating silence and my dumb attempts to initate small talk in the car earlier to avoid experiencing the former further (in which I keep speaking nonsense about the weather or the song playing in the radio or this random thing I noticed in the scenery through the windows) that I don’t know if I can handle any more of it once the moment decides to repeat itself again later on.

“Hey, bunny,” he calls me after a few minutes of tranquility between us, no bantering, no snide remarks, just the sound of my camera clicking and our shoes rubbing on the ground, “catch.”

I raise my head up upon his command and see him throwing a baseball cap in my direction. It’s the one that’s been hooked around his belt loop since we got out of the vehicle, and as it flies in the air and falls right to my palm, I scrunch my forehead at him.

“Wear it,” Jeongguk says. “It’s getting a little sunny.”

Indeed it has. The sun is starting to show itself and the air is beginning to get humid too. I’d have to propose eating lunch right after taking a few more shots.

“How about you?” I ask.

“I’m gonna stay in the shade.”

“Right, of course, you are,” I trail, unsettled with his act of kindness that I don’t place the cap on my head right away.

He sees my hesitation. “It doesn’t have a booby trap, ____.”

“I know that.” I finally wear it, adjusting it so that it fits perfectly. “It’s just weird. You’re so weird, you know? Why do you change your demeanor a hundred times a day?”

“Huh?”

Now that I opened up the topic that I’m not really willing to venture on yet, I instantly regret it, pressing my lips afterwards and turning the other way, closing my eyes in distress. I must really be on edge all day for me to actually choose to say my last sentence out loud and confront him about it.

“What did you say, bunny?”

“Nothing.”

“No, no,” he’s walking closer, probably to not carry on shouting his words out because of the distance between us, “I definitely heard passive aggressiveness right there in the last part of your sentence.”

I go look at him again, his own statement convincing me to go forth with it. He stares at me, waiting, and I grit my teeth.

Oh, fuck it. Let’s just get this over with.

“You’re being nice. And then I’m pretty sure you’re gonna annoy the fuck out of me again later.”

Jeongguk laughs. He stops marching towards me when he’s close enough, and then he crosses his arms. “Do you not want me to be nice? Because I’m kinda trying here.”

“You missed the part where I said you’re gonna annoy the fuck out of me again later, Jeongguk.”

“And you missed the part where I said I’m trying to be nice.”

“You’re trying?” I repeat with an incredulous tone then. “You call this trying?”

He scrunches his forehead at me. “I agreed to drive you here.”

“Upon the last minute.”

“I still did.” He stresses right back. “And I just offered my cap instead of wearing it myself.”

“You know, if you were going to bring up this stupid hat, then you shouldn’t have given it to me.” I try to take it off my head on cue but Jeongguk is quick enough to stop me before I could even do so, placing his hands over mine and pushing it down when I was just about to raise it up.

He stares at me like I’ve lost my mind. “What the hell is up with you?”

I hastily snap my hands back to my sides, annoyed how something tingles in my system at the mere moment our skin touches a while back. “What the hell is up with me? What the hell is up with you!”

“Can you just get straight to the point?” He glares at me frustratingly. “If you want to say me something—just tell me instead of acting like a fucking child.”

“Alright, since you’ve mentioned it, I do want to tell you something.” I’m fuming because of the insult he managed to throw at the latter part of the statement. “I’ll give you a freaking piece of my mind.”

“Then stop stalling for god’s sake and just—”

“You ruined the flow, Jeongguk.”

A long pause. He’s still looking at me with knitted eyebrows, whatever annoyed remark that he was supposed to say being swallowed back down his throat, obviously confused that it inclines me to explain my proclamation further so he’d understand what I’m trying to say.

“We were starting to be friends. Or at least, I was starting to see you as a decent friend. Then when you came back from the break, it’s like—” I abruptly forget the word that I was aiming to throw at him, my own thoughts getting jumbled up inside my head— “it was like, like, god, it was like we weren’t making progress. Do you get it?”

Jeongguk blinks, inhaling through his nose. He looks deep in thought for a second, like he too was trying to piece his own sentence together, but then he replies and I’m back to cursing his whole existence. “That’s what you’re throwing a tantrum about? The fact that I was being distant?”

“It’s not just about that.”

“Right, right, how I ruined ‘the flow’ too, am I correct?” He acts out air quotes on the phrase.

“No.”

“It’s literally the word you used, ____, how can I be wrong?”

“You just don’t get it do you?”

“How can I when you’re not being fucking clear?”

I scoff out a laugh instead of reporting another comment, rolling my eyes and then walking to the opposite way, abandoning him there, absolutely feeling infuriated at how I actually assumed for even one second that Jeongguk would treat the matter that I’m opening up about with sensitivity. I already know he’s not the nicest person on earth—still, he’s a real human being who had a heart and a brain and who deserved to be given the benefit of doubt.

It’s bad enough that I gave him the impression that I apparently want us to be friends. Now, I just feel like a fucking fool believing that he’d want the same thing too. Maybe he does, and that’s why he insists that he’s trying to act nice earlier and went as far as being okay with being my driver for the day, but to be somehow mocked about what I wasn’t keen on opening up about yet and therefore making me feel more ridiculous that I do—

It was rubbing salt in the wound.

***

“Stop being an idiot, bunny.”

I don’t answer him, just continuing on eating my lunch.

For the record, I am being kind of idiotic. Not because I was childishly giving Jeongguk the silent treatment after our conversation earlier (I think I have the right to at least not talk to the person I very much want to kick in the shin at the moment), but because of my decision to eat at a separate table from him in this park in the same old village I’m taking pictures at. At least I still had the decency to hand him over his part of the meal that I packed, still not looking at him or regarding his presence as well the whole time I was placing the containers very loudly on the wooden desk he’s occupying, and that enough should show I wasn’t being that much of an idiot that he’s letting on.

I hear him sigh. “Are you seriously going to ignore me the whole day?”

I munch on my rice and egg noisily, doing it as a poor attempt to drive his voice away from my eardrums.

“Do you want me to apologize?”

I reach for my water bottle, uncapping it and drinking, glaring at the trees that stood innocently far off the site.

There’s shuffling and a few curses, shoes scraping against the small rocks that litter the ground, and then Jeongguk’s hands come into view, the containers I gave him being put down on my table. Before I could even demand what exactly does he think he is doing at this instance (therefore breaking my silent strike supposedly), he sits beside me—too closely beside me, may I add, that I scoot to the side to give him space and to avoid touching his knees with mine.

“I always knew you were immature, but this is just the peak of it,” he grumbles. “Fine, okay, you want me to apologize? I’ll apologize. I’ll apologize for being a fucking normal person and wanting my own personal space for a while.”

That triggers my fury once more, my head turning to him and when I do, his face is a lot nearer than I expected it to be. It causes me to back away quickly. “That’s not, that’s not—” I stupidly stutter because of the previous close proximity of our faces— “that’s not what I want, alright? Can’t you just get over your head for a sec and think reasonably?”

“Do you really want to talk about being reasonable when you’ve been ignoring me for the past—what? Thirty minutes?” he says. “Just tell me what you want me to do so we can stop this nonsense.”

“Okay,” I dryly reply, gesturing to the spot he just left next. “I want you to go back to your table.”

Jeongguk’s expression transforms into a plain tired one, his eyebrows relaxing and so does his mouth. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

“No, please, just go back to your table and let’s pretend that the other truly doesn’t exist. That’s what I want, Jeongguk.”

“What do you want me to do?” he asks again, obviously unconvinced.

“I want you to stay quiet the whole day and not bother me while I finish my project.”

“What do you want me to do?”

“I want you to do what I just said.”

“Do you expect me to do that without any explanation?”

“You asked what I wanted, didn’t you? I didn’t know I had to explain—”

“—Bunny—”

“—For fuck’s sake—can you stop calling me that? It pisses me off!”

Both of us fall quiet at my outburst, both in shock at my ability to even explode that kind of way, and I return looking at the trees, regulating my breathing and my heartbeat, calming myself, composing myself, ignoring the tears that are brimming in my eyes because of frustration, while Jeongguk surprisingly remains facing my way.

I’m back to regretting what I just said, this time perceiving my tone as a little too harsh. I’m really not good at confrontation or being put in the spot or being asked to just share my thoughts generally. It's either I get a bad case of word vomit or I become a stammering halfwit. And then sometimes I just say things I know I should have evaluated more on before letting it move past through my lips, letting the person who’s at the other end hearing it without even being aware that how I sound doesn’t really reflect how I feel sometimes.

“Fine,” Jeongguk says after a whole damn minute of us not speaking and him still staring at me, his tone appearing apologetic, “I’m sorry.”

I glance at him.

He narrows his eyes as our gazes meet. “What the fuck is up with that look? I said I’m sorry.”

“Why are you apologizing?” I scoff.

“Because you’re clearly mad about something.”

“And you’re just going to apologize without knowing what it’s about?”

“I know what it’s about.”

“What is it then?”

He sighs, taking a long pause before he speaks again. “It’s me letting out my anger onto you. There. Happy?”

It’s my turn to stare at him, a little shocked to see him give in so easily. But the detail that surprises me the most is the fact that he really was aware of how he was acting towards me. “So, that is the reason why you’ve been giving me an attitude.”

“I wasn’t giving you an attitude.” He rolls his eyes and goes back to his food, fork and spoon getting picked up.

I timidly do the same. “You so were,” I murmur.

“Yeah, well, I was in a fucking bad mood. And then I wasn’t, and then I was trying to be nicer to make up for it, okay?”

My mind flies back to all his lousy attempts of being friendly with me. All of which I constantly pushed back because of my irritation for his preceding actions. Obtaining more understanding from it now, I kind of feel sheepish for not translating it as his way of making it up for me, considering that I should have known better than to expect getting a direct apology from Jeongguk or grand gestures to show how sorry he is.

I don’t even know why I should expect an apology from him in the first place, now that I’ve thought about it. In the three years we’ve been coexisting in the same apartment, Jeongguk has done far more maddening things—things that I would have seriously thought about strangling him for or kicking him out of the place for. And yet it never prompted a wild reaction from me like this, much less impelled me to be so bothered by it that it admittedly kept me up late at nights and even resulted in me having that regretful blow up.

Fuck. Am I really starting to care for Jeongguk?

Judging from my drama queen moment just minutes ago and this need of mine to know what pissed him off, I really think I am.

“Sorry too,” I mumble, stepping on my own pride to make amends, “for acting like a bitch again. You’re probably used to it by now but—”

Jeongguk snickers before I can even finish my apology, and I don’t carry on completing my speech, instead just flickering my gaze on him again, smiling too.

“Don’t worry,” he sneaks a look at me, “I am used to it.”

I roll my eyes. “Well, at least we’re even now.”

“Even on what?”

“You pissed me off and now I also just pissed you off. We’re even.”

He gives me a judging stare. “I didn’t know we were keeping track, bunny.”

“I’m going to let that slide.” I breathe out, truly getting back to my meal. “You should really quit calling me bunny.”

Jeongguk’s stare lasts a few seconds more, until I notice him shift his position on the wooden bench to pay attention to what I’ve prepared for us today, the smirk on his face being heard as he replies. “You know you like it though, bunny.”

I freeze for a quick second. “No, I don’t.”

“Deep, deep, deep down, you know you do.”

“No?”

He grins.

When I can’t stop myself from grinning back, he chuckles.

“Are you going to tell me about what happened?” I start slowly. “Why you were in a bad mood?”

He shrugs and pokes around his rice. “Same old bullshit I receive from home. Best if you don’t concern yourself about it too—it’s not anything special.”

I usually would have encouraged the person saying that to tell me more about their problems if they’d like, to treat me as some kind of diary, promising that I’m a good listener and if they let whatever they’re feeling out of their chest, they might feel relieved after.

Though with how Jeongguk’s sitting in a manner that told me he was uncomfortable, and with how he just confirmed that it really was something related to ‘daddy issues’ as Yeeun hinted a while back, I decided not to pry once more, trusting that when the time comes and we become more at ease with each other, he’ll eventually share mundane things with me like a story involving ‘same old bullshit from home’.

***

The day went smoother than I anticipated, though it did end earlier like what I predicted too.

After having our lunch at the old village, we headed on to the Anthropology Museum that was about 35 to 40 minutes away. Remarkably, there was no longer awkward silence and that suffocating atmosphere in the vehicle the second time around we got stuck together in the said enclosed space. For that second instance, Jeongguk urged me to connect my phone with the car’s bluetooth, something I didn’t have the chance to do prior for I was too tense to ask, and even did the dumb small conversation starters himself in between songs to somehow fill the gap.

“Wait, don’t skip that one,” he said when I was going through my playlists quickly. “I like that song. I’m surprised you know that song.”

The tune of Out Of My Head by Fastball plays in the background.

“Oh, wait. Don’t tell me you know this song because of Camilla Cabello’s Bad things. Did you know that they interpolated this song to make that?” He glanced at me.

“Yes, I actually know that. And before you judge me further, I know this song because of my dad.”

“Really?”

“Yep.”

“Well, Uncle Jaesuk always had good taste in music.”

I snorted at him then. “Since when did you call my father ‘Uncle’?”

“Since you started calling my mother ‘Aunt Eunji’.”

We laughed, Jeongguk humming along the beat later on, his fingers tapping rhythmically against the steering wheel while I unconsciously sang along.

There are a lot of times where I forget that Jeongguk and I used to be close when we were kids. But to be fair, our friendship didn’t last that long for me to remember it vividly until now. We didn’t have those memories that I could go back to and remind myself that hey, he wasn’t always such an asshat since birth. All I know though is that we used to live in the same village, our mothers have been best friends since high school, and when we were both in first or maybe in second grade, they moved to another house due to his father’s new job and our playdates just didn’t become frequent anymore.

Of course, puberty played a huge part in our apparent falling out. Like I told my mom, me and Jeongguk just didn’t have similarities anymore to bond with. We didn’t like the same things for us to talk about it in small gatherings between our families or even when we started living in the same apartment. I even think that being in the same living space still didn’t bring us closer as it should have since if anything, it just brought the opportunity for Jeongguk to annoy me to death and convince me that he may be a spawn of Satan/

“Don’t skip that one!” He extended a hand towards me as The Cure’s Friday I’m In Love now filled the car. “If you do, I’m going to chop your finger off.”

I snickered. “Okay, okay, jeez.”

I played the song back since I already skipped accidentally, and as the intro played, Jeongguk increased the volume, singing more loudly alongside it, the beautiful melody of his voice causing me to smile.

***

“Where do we go now?” he asks, matching my speed as we walk out of the office of the car rental place.

It’s 5:23 PM. The sun is just setting and the weather is significantly turning cooler. The jackets we bought along are being put to good use, warming up our bodies.

“To our apartment. Where else?”

“You aren’t going to treat me for dinner?”

I raise my eyebrows at him, almost laughing out loud at the audacity of being questioned about that. “Did I ever tell you I was?”

“You should.” He tells me. “It‘s payment for my services today. Look, I’m even carrying your lunch bag.” He swings the beige lunch bag hanging on his shoulder.

“Our lunch bag. You ate from that bag too.”

“Only because I didn’t want food to go to waste.”

“Sure.” I recall his noises of approval of how good the food was earlier when we got into better terms, not exactly complimenting me directly that what I prepared was good but not acting indifferent too to make me think otherwise. “That’s totally the reason why,” I deadpan.

He grins. “Is that a yes to treating me to dinner?”

I shake my head, facing forward to where the bus station was. “I’m broke, Jeongguk.”

“Alright. My treat then.”

I snort in disbelief as I peer at him. “What?”

“I’ll treat you to dinner,” he reiterates.

“Why?”

He shrugs, nonchalant in the manner he answers my question. “I feel like it.”

“Wow. You must be really trying to be nice, aren’t you?”

He only scoffs.

We head home first, taking cool showers to get rid of any bad essence from the sunny and quite sweaty trip. When I finish getting dressed (at first in my homey clothes), I’m about to propose that maybe he should just order some take-out and we can eat in the living room so that we wouldn’t have to leave again, considering that I legitimately heard my joints crack while I was reaching for something in the kitchen, but the second I step out of my room to tell that to him who I assumed was by the sofa—I stop.

I don’t know since when did I ever take the time and just pause when it comes to Jeongguk wearing nothing but black tight jeans at the balcony, hanging his towel there to dry—though I’m definitely doing it now, appreciating the way he has always been honestly well-built, how being a gym rat himself really had its perks; my eyes unconsciously moving from his broad shoulders, to his tattoo-filled arm, down to his torso, my throat literally clenching in thirst…

What the actual fuck?

“Why are you wearing pajamas?” He passes through the sliding glass door, ruffling his damp hair. At the mere gesture of raising his limbs up, his stomach unconsciously flexes. “Get dressed already.”

My cheeks heat up. I try staring only in his eyes. “Uh, where are we going exactly?”

“To this place I know. They serve really great buffalo wings and other stuff. Their whole menu is basically just affordable for broke kids like us,” Jeongguk jokes.

“And we can’t just get a take-out or something?”

He purses his lips. “If you don’t want to go, it’s fine. I’m just saying I’m probably not going to offer free dinner ever again.”

“Yeah, that’s what I figured.”

He chuckles. “So, are you going with me or not?”

“I’ll go.” I grudgingly stride back to my room. “Just give me a sec.”

“Oh, and before I forget—” he walks towards his room as well, hopefully getting something to wear to not be half naked in our living room any longer— “we’re going to take Rocky with us. So, better prepare yourself for that too.”

I groan loudly, Jeongguk entering his room with a shit eating grin.

***

Yeeun texted me before I left the apartment, asking how the day was and if I had any juicy stories to tell her which I responded with a ‘lmao none’ and a skull emoji. Of course, being the good friend I am in return, asked how her date with Seokjin went on, as it is the reason why she bailed and I ended up stuck with Jeongguk, and Yeeun being the wild and at times inappropriate girl that she is, messaged me back with only a splashing wet emoji that I ultimately scowled at the moment I received the chat.

Don’t get me wrong. Yeeun and Seokjin are cute together. I just don’t think I’m okay with the mental thought of them doing the dirty stuff whenever I see them in one room. The damage has already been done though, since for sure my mind is just going to head down south now everytime my eyes fall on them and they’ll be doing the most innocent thing like just breathing next to each other and yet I’ll recall that damned splashing wet emoji.

“You can get off Rocky now.”

I grunt. “Uh, I’m trying.”

Jeongguk glances back at me after he removes his helmet, using the smaller one like he did last time to somehow ease my paranoia away by letting me use the bigger one again, and with a push of one of his feet, allows the kickstand of his motorbike to fall down on the ground. “Just do what you did last time,” he says. “Use my shoulder for support and then jump off.”

“Jump off.” I repeat, moving my hand to his shoulder indeed and then with a count of three, jump off per his advice, though just when the soles of my shoes hit the concrete, I stumble due to the rather high distance of the foot rest from the floor. However, before I can humiliatingly fall on my ass, Jeongguk’s quick to grip my wrist, pulling me to stand straight.

Our eyes meet after.

“Thanks.” I clear my throat, turning away from him at the next chance I get, unbuckling the helmet on my head and removing it.

He takes it with an amused smirk when I hand it over to him and gets off as well.

“So, this is the place?” I gesture to the entrance, the outside having one of those chalk menu boards displayed next to the doors as a big neon sign was stuck above it, bearing the words ‘MK’s bar’.

He nods. “Do you want to go ahead first? Save us a seat? I’ll just secure Rocky here so you know, he doesn’t get stolen.”

“Oh, yeah, sure. I’ll just…” I point to the entry but Jeongguk doesn’t even see it for he’s already fumbling with his motorbike lock, his back facing me which probably meant I just spoke to his back earlier when I said my line, causing me to feel dumb for doing the awkward hand movement too.

With a press of my lips, I stride to the way in.

It’s a restobar—the place he just drove us to is a restobar that gives a nice and cozy atmosphere the second you walk in, the aroma of good food and possibly good booze that greeting me in addition to that when I fully step inside, and I’m guessing from the lady who’s singing in the middle of the sort of lounge area with a group of gentleman behind her to play the instruments as a companion for her silvery voice—this has been a frequent venue for After Zero as well.

I can see why it would the more I trudged inside. It isn’t too loud here or too smothered with people, faint chatter and the sound of the band playing along with noise from the bar counter only registering in my ears at that moment. In fact, as I scan the expanse of the scene further, I notice that it’s mostly small groups of friends or couples who are present this night.

Couples, I repeat in my head. One person and another one. On a date. Conversing and looking in love. Just the two of them in one table—

Jeongguk and I will surely be sharing one table later on. That doesn’t mean we look like we’re going on a date, right?

I mean, this isn’t a date. This is certainly not a date or anything close to that. It’d be ridiculous to assume it was just because it’s only going to be me and Jeongguk in one table, just the two of us, all alone (yes, ____, we fucking get it), probably sharing beer together and the buffalo wings he mentioned, talking and anything else you do when you’re having dinner together.

Oh my god. That sounds horribly like a first date.

Fuck. Does this really look like a date?

“Why are you still here, bunny?” Jeongguk appears behind me through the doors, carrying both of our helmets just when I was thinking of making an embarrassing run for it. “Thought you’d save us a spot by now.”

“Are you sure you want us here?” I ask, subtly addressing my concern quickly. “Like, just the two of us? Maybe you should invite Taehyung or Jimin or whoever’s available.”

He’s looking at me now, scrunching his forehead. “What for? They’ll just eat too much. Besides, I don’t have that much right now to actually buy them dinner too.”

I suck in a deep breath, nodding mindlessly and convincing myself that this wouldn’t be freaky unless I let it.

“Why?” he adds when I say nothing. “You afraid of this being a date?”

I snap my head towards him in shock, heart dropping in the process. “How did you—”

“I had a feeling.” He’s chuckling, plodding forward then. “Don’t worry. Nobody cares enough or knows us enough to think that here. Besides, we’ve spent the whole day together. It’s kinda late to think about that now.”

I follow him, knowing that he had a good point and that maybe I was just overanalyzing everything like I always do.

“For the record though, I have you know that a lot would be dying to be in your position. Getting a date with me,” he adds.

“I have a hard time believing that.” I don’t really, but I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of having to hear me agree.

He spins around to narrow his eyes at me and I smirk.

“Guk!” A young man behind the bar abruptly calls his attention that transfers his gaze to him. “What’re you doing here? Where are the other guys?”

“It’s just me tonight.” Jeongguk smiles, claspings the guy’s hand over the counter, handing him both the helmets which the man looks well-versed enough to know what to do about them. “And uh—” he goes and points at me— “my, uh, my friend, yeah.”

“Friend,” the guy echoes before walking closer to me and shaking my hand too. “Are you really just Jeongguk’s friend? Never seen him bring a girl here, honestly. Though I see a lot who he brings out.” He snickers, Jeongguk rolling his eyes, grinning nonetheless, and gesturing that he’d be finding a seat. “Name’s Chan, by the way.”

I shake his hand back. “It’s ____. Nice to meet you.”

“You too, babe.”

“____,” Jeongguk calls and I let go of Chan, smiling at him one last time and going to the table where Jeongguk’s currently sitting. “Choose what you want to eat,” he continues when I arrive and take the chair across from him, sliding the menu in my direction.

“Anything?” I examine the laminated paper that has all the dishes and drinks printed on it.

“Anything.” He confidently urges. However, in three seconds, he’s speaking again. “Anything that isn’t too expensive, bunny. Don’t forget I’m just as broke as you are.”

I laugh. “Understandable. No worries, I’m not going to go all out.”

As I flicker my eyes on him, I see him already looking at me, and at that mere split second of us catching each other’s gaze, of us catching each other have that happy expression that was totally foreign in the case of our ‘friendship’, we both turn away almost immediately right after, Jeongguk leaning back on his seat with a cough while I duck my head down further in the menu.

***

“Are you going to sing or are you just going to stare at the stage longingly all night?”

He turns to me and gives me a blank expression, dropping the chicken wing he just finished upon my comment. It’s like his fifth one for the past hour we’ve been staying here, and even though it was indeed delicious like he told me earlier (I have you know that I already had five as well), I was too full already to get myself another one thanks to half of the platter of quesadilla that is now resting happily inside my belly—which in turn, definitely led me to noticing his entranced state towards the singing platform as I’ve mentioned.

“Ha. Very funny. Why don’t you go there and do some stand up comedy instead?”

I ignore his sarcasm. “Just go sing. You already do, don’t you?”

He shakes his head, sighing. “Not without the rest of the band.”

“It’s not like you’re going to fly solo from now. Unless you’re insecure without them.” I chuckle.

Anytime now, Jeongguk’s supposed to glare at me and call me an idiot or something, but he just continues looking at the empty stage with that sad look I was getting really bothered by.

It was just minutes ago when we were laughing about this one thing we remembered when we were kids—a rare occurrence as it’s been made clear that we don’t just sit down and reminisce about our childhood. But it was me who brought the topic up amidst the short silence, asking him if he still had any memory of the time my family visited their house warming party and while we were having a barbeque at their backyard, there was this squirrel who stole all the corn on the cob at the serving table.

The squirrel was never blamed though, and instead Aunt Eunji, Jeongguk’s mom, blamed the mysterious disappearances of corn all to his Uncle Hodong, prompting the siblings to fight in the middle of the party while me and Jeongguk chose not to say anything about what really happened since we were too young to want to speak up.

“Wait,” I squint at him, “don’t tell me you are insecure without them.”

“No, I’m not,” he answers straight away, scoffing. “I just don’t see the point of singing alone.”

“You sing alone all the time in the shower.”

“So?”

“It’s always fucking loud.”

He huffs. “Really? That’s going to be your argument? Do you want me to complain about your ruckus every morning? How it sounds like a whole fucking marching band is performing every time you wash the dishes.”

“Hey, at least I actually wash the dishes.”

“I wash them too, bunny.”

“Yeah, the next morning when I still leave the ones you used in the sink.” I hurl back with a grimace. “And actually, I’m not complaining about you singing in the shower. I’m just saying you can just go ahead and grab the mic stand and stop being a wussy.”

Jeongguk doesn’t reply again as fast as he should on a normal basis. He just starts picking on the pad of his thumb, bouncing his knee, and it certainly bothers me deep inside to see reluctance in his actions. Not to mention the gloomy expression he’s suddenly showing on his face. “You think I should?” he asks.

I press my lips together, raising my eyebrows. “Do you want me to believe that you actually care what I think?”

That makes him chuckle. “True. But for this one time, should I?”

“Just go, Guk.” I nod to the stage. “Or else I’m going to order another batch of mozzarella sticks just so that you’d have more food to pay for.”

“That doesn’t really scare me.” He starts standing up however, pulling his pants higher.

I watch him as he goes to the side of the stage, where a staff member is just sitting there, waiting for someone like Jeongguk who wants to take the stage for a spin. They do a brief handshake with each other, evidently already acquainted, before Jeongguk’s motioning to the center platform, conversing with the guy a bit more until he’s at long last strolling to where he’s meant to be, adjusting the mic stand to cater his considerably towering height.

I’ve thought about it way much more than I should have, but Jeongguk indeed looks different whenever he’s on any kind of stage. He has always been a cocky little shit towards me yet the confidence that he gives off in front of the mic is always completely different and more overpowering. He didn’t even have to do anything for me to think he belonged there, though I think that opinion of mine was mainly due to the fact that I already got the chance to see him sing and play in the previous show with the rest of After Zero, therefore the amazing impression he left on me making my perception of him to become biased.

Jeongguk looks my way as he gets the stand to the right elevation, and the instrumental of the track Lost Stars by Adam Levine starts playing the next instance. When he begins to get ready for the first line, I find myself once again just focusing on nothing but him in complete anticipation, the chatter of the buzzing crowd minimizing and my eyes naturally blurring out any other object surrounding him—that suddenly it’s just Jeongguk that I’m noticing and no one else.

He gives me a small smile (that looked more like a smirk than a smile) before he closes his eyes and sings, his soothing voice filling the restobar with such gentle command that it’s impossible to sit here and pay attention to anyone nearby other than him. I exhale slowly, hugging my arms as the temperature of the room feels a little colder despite the warm feeling I’m having, and I continue to watch him completely get lost in what he loves to do.

If there was one thing I actually liked about Jeongguk, it’s his passion heedlessly spilling out whenever he sings or plays his guitar—no matter how annoying the latter might be, especially with our not soundproof walls. But whenever he indeed does, just like this instance right here when he’s performing a song in front of a small group of people, it makes me feel that it’s only the time I’m seeing the purest and truest form of Jeongguk that he’ll ever grant anyone to see.

Something that meant a lot in a way considering I haven’t had the chance to know what he’s really made of just yet.

***

“Thank you and goodnight,” he says with a grin, the crowd protesting adorably, claiming that he shouldn’t sing his first and last song of the night already, but all Jeongguk does is give them nods and bows of appreciation for their support, the boyish grin never leaving his lips, until he dashes and reaches our table rather quickly, taking the chair in front of me to sit down back on his place..

I raise my eyebrows at him. The glory still hasn’t died down; my vision is still giving him that glamor that prevents me from thinking of anything but good things about him because of the performance. “You’re really going to be greedy like that?”

Our gazes meet and Jeongguk snorts. “I play a lot of sets here when it’s an official gig, okay,” he defends, grabbing the glass of water and drinking.

I carry on staring at him, this amused smile on my face. He appears sheepish and not at all the usual pain in the ass he keeps on being whenever he’s with me, and within five seconds of him drinking and me still pretty much staring at his face, he brings the glass down loudly and raises his eyebrows in my direction. “Could you quit looking at me like that?” he demands.

“I’m just going to say this once—” I raise my index finger to gesture the number ‘1’— “and I’m not going to mention it again, but if you really pursue this, I’m seeing a bright future in the music industry.”

He snorts for the second time, tilting his head as he returns my gaze. “And you say that after seeing me play for like what? Four times?”

“Yeah.”

“Oh, really?” he drawls.

I roll my eyes at the sarcasm. “Can’t you just accept the compliment? I’m complimenting you.”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. It’s just that I already know I’m good, so your compliment isn’t needed really or anything special.” He’s grinning at me though, which sends me the feeling he was nonetheless pleased.

I huff, shaking my head at him and his grin widens, the gesture making me think that if there was any of us who should be calling the other bunny, it should be me, given his rabbit-ish smile. I turn away from him next when neither of us start another conversation, glancing at the center stage to see a new person daring to take Jeongguk’s place, looking shyer than Jeongguk was and more nervous—literally the worst combination when you’re planning to sing in front of a lot of people.

“Hey,” he begins again and I spin my head to him slowly, “I want to tell you something.”

“Are you moving out?” I immediately joke, reaching towards the table and getting what’s left of the quesadilla platter.

Jeongguk chuckles. “You wish. I’m going to keep leeching off that apartment until it’s your mom who kicks me out.”

“That can be arranged,” I smirk at him, “but go ahead, what do you wanna say?”

He pauses and stares at me before grabbing his glass of water once more. “It’s about Hojoon.”

It’s been a fair amount of time since I heard the cheater’s name ever since the incident at the fundraising event for Taehyung’s little sister, but it hasn’t been long since I last thought of him myself. It’s not like I voluntarily spend my free time just loathing him and remembering the awful things he both said and done to me however—it’s just that I see him a lot on campus, and even though he doesn’t really give me any attention anymore like the first days of our break up, he’s been resorting to throwing me bitter looks as if I was the one who fucked him over.

It was annoying; nonetheless, can be avoided if I really tried. But that doesn’t mean I was okay with talking about Hojoon still, since my method of moving on with the part of my life that included him was pretending that he didn’t exist in the first place. And frankly, so far, I’ve been doing a pretty good job (except on the occasions I get a bad case of unnecessary overthinking about my previous situation with him that just makes it impossible for me to not continue my no-Hojoon streak, that is).

“Don’t ruin the night,” I tell Jeongguk after a few seconds of tense silence and sighing. “I’m actually having fun tonight and I don’t really want to talk about him or anything that involves him for that matter.”

“I used to see him a lot here.” He proceeds with it anyway and I scowl at him for it. “Weeks before you caught him. He went with two different girls at the different times that I did.”

I inevitably get flashbacks on that well-talked about fight of theirs, specifically about the part of Hojoon saying that he was so fed up of seeing Jeongguk’s face everywhere he went. I should have been smart enough to ask Jeongguk about that when the opportunity came and I figured he was in a good mood to answer it seriously. “Oh,” I ignore the rising anger in my system upon the discovery, “well, that must be why he seemed really driven to murder you that night too, huh?”

“He talked to me once too—warned me not to tell you anything.”

I scoff. “He did?”

“I’m your roommate, ____, of course, he did,” Jeongguk says. “The asshole was afraid I’d snitch on him when he realized it was me with the rest of the band playing then.”

“But you didn’t snitch on him.”

He clenches his jaw, crossing his arms. “I told you to dump him before he can.”

“Which still wasn’t the same thing as snitching.”

“I didn’t want to be too straightforward. You wouldn’t have taken it well by then.”

I sneer, smiling mockingly. “Please, let’s not go into that narrative again where if I hear news from you, I’d most likely not believe it.”

“You wouldn’t have,” he insists. “You’d call me out for bullshit or whatever.”

“No. Stop saying that.”

“Do you honestly want me to recall what happened at the restobar where I punched him?” He taunts. “Because I’m telling you, bunny—I’m more than glad to bring that up just to prove myself right.”

“Fine,” I grab the half-empty mug of beer on the table that I haven’t touched for about an hour now, drinking from it, my anger almost at its peak now thanks to Jeongguk’s reminder of the events that took place that night, “maybe I would have dismissed everything you said instead of taking your word for it. But let’s say if it was your girlfriend who I saw cheating, our roles reversed, would you have believed me if I told you I saw her around, looking intimate with another guy?”

He gazes at me as I drink further, shrugging when I’m done. “Sure.”

I laugh. “Ha! No, you wouldn’t.”

“Listen,” he leans an arm on the table towards me, “you’re not the nicest person on earth, but you don’t strike me as a liar either. Other than that, you just don’t hate me enough to sabotage my relationship.”

I fall silent on that, the mug I’m holding being placed back to where I got it, a small hiccup being let out of my mouth. “Does that apply the same to you?”

“What does?”

“Don’t you hate me enough to sabotage my relationship?”

He snorts before tipping his body backwards, an arm hanging on the backrest of his chair. “Who ever said I hated you?”

“Well, you’re the one who assumed I hated you. You just said it. You just said that I don’t hate you enough to sabotage your relationship.”

“It was a hypothetical scenario.”

“So, you don’t think I hate you?”

Jeongguk presses his lips together. “I don’t think you’re particularly fond of me.”

“Yeah, but, that’s only because… because—it’s because we never talked. Or hung out like this.” I point at him and me.

“Why would we? We don’t have anything in common.”

“That’s not a good reason, you know.”

“So what? Are you saying you want us to hang out more often now then?”

“I mean…” I trail, swallowing hard, my face unconsciously heating up as I look around the area, setting my eyes on anything but him, “it wouldn’t be the worst thing to do. Better late than never, as they say.”

Instead of making fun of me for proposing such an idea—for also perhaps declaring such a thing when I’m not even drunk or out of my mind—Jeongguk laughs out loud, actually laughs, nose scrunching up and everything, which constitutes to me as him making fun of what I said anyways, the blush creeping on my neck worsening because of it—and just as he’s about to speak his mind about my statement, Chan from earlier arrives at our table and places a paper bag on the surface.

“The mozzarella sticks,” he says.

Jeongguk glances at me, expression amused still from laughing. “You really ordered them?”

“They’re good,” I reason, clearing my throat in an attempt to compose myself as the topic subtly changed, “and I’m gonna pay for this one, so no need to—”

“No, it’s okay.” He shakes his head. “I’ll shoulder it. In fact, why don’t we bill out and go home? Chan?” He looks at his friend.

Chan’s smirking, for a reason I’m not enlightened about. “Sure thing, bud.”

My eyes follow Chan to the register and when I turn back to Jeongguk, he’s standing up again.

He looks down on me, his blonde hair tips falling on his forehead, and smirks. “You ready to head home, bunny?”

It’s strange, because Jeongguk and I always referred to our apartment as our home, regardless of whether we really felt it was or just used the term because it was the easiest one to use. However, to hear it now coming from him, in this instance wherein I don’t dread to be in the same room as him as much as I used to—it’s without fail a lot stranger. But nevertheless, it’s… pleasant and comforting. And it makes me think that maybe this is how it should have been with Jeongguk right from the day we became roommates.

“Thanks,” I stand up too, marching behind Jeongguk’s footsteps as he heads to the counter, taking the bill and the two helmets that Chan already brought out for him, “for the food and for the thing about Hojoon. Even if I did say I didn’t want to know about it.”

He takes out his wallet. “No problem.”

“Seriously though,” I quietly mumble, “thanks. I appreciate it. I should have—I really should not take anything you say as bullshit automatically.”

Jeongguk finishes with the payment and he’s abruptly facing me, gently shoving the helmet I’m supposed to wear despite not being outside yet on my head, grinning, acting like I didn’t just got out of my way to really thank him this time once more (even if I still squeezed yet another attempt of a funny comment).

I glare at him in annoyance.

“Try not being a bitch for the next few weeks, and then we’ll truly be even,” he only says, chuckling before knocking on the helmet that makes me wince.

Without another word, he steps to the direction of the exit, leaving me there in a puzzled state.

I make eye contact with Chan who surprisingly saw the whole thing happen, and awkwardly whirling the other way, I pretend to not take notice of the guy’s teasing smirk, perhaps suspecting something between me and Jeongguk judging from the play of events.

“Uh, I’ll, I’m gonna go.” I wave at him as farewell, hating the fact that I have the dumb helmet on as I do it. “Nice meeting you.”

“See you around.” He’s snickering.

I hurriedly get out of the restobar, embarrassed and still fucking confused, that not being a bitch again might not be as uncomplicated as one might think.

note. shoutout to that anon who said they loved lost stars and magically gave me the motivation to finish this chapter ! ngl though, i'm unsure whether i still got the vibe of this fic for this latest part since it's been A YEAR since i really wrote a whole chapter for lost stars (the majority of chapter 3 have been written and stuck for months on draft so-)

anyways, i hope that you see some development between yn and jk in a good way ! + in a way that doesn't seem rushed hehe. i think the reason why i also managed to finish writing this is bc i missed this couple and had really fun writing their bickering and arguing parts ahdjhsdjh

THANK YOU FOR READING & FEEDBACK IS ALWAYS APPRECIATED ! ♡(ˆ‿ˆԅ)

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