#Its so compressed its really good i hope you guys like it too

[alexssongdemo]

hi again tumblr... i like ringo if you coudlnt tell

[theglassofmiddleearth]

Imagine Reader watching WICKED 2024 for the first time with the 141.

2 FICS in 1

Camera Guy!Au, Female Reader

Masterlist

Previous - next

Reader can sing.

Reader! who can sing but the rest of the base has no idea. She hasn't sung in a while until WICKED came out. Now she has to refrain from belting out the songs in the common showers.

Reader! who hums in the common room and sings quietly in her room. (Ghost can hear her.) Ghost who makes a note of this and gets prime video just for no reason. (Yes it's so she can watch WICKED over and over again.)

Reader! who thanks him with excited rambling before shutting up with an embarrassed smile.

‘I uh, I just really like-’

‘Its okay Sargent. We all have things we like, just like Johnny loves those fluffy shites.’ Ghost shrugs good naturedly.

‘You mean kittens?’ Reader! stifles laughter, not wanting him to take away her password privileges to Ghost's account.

Soap and Gaz who end up joining her to watch. Both arguing that they would be Elphaba but the Price who walks in claims the title of ‘The Elphaba’ of the task force. Gaz and Soap pout and slouch down into the couch while Reader! chuckles.

‘I remember when the broadway show had its first tour.’ Price hums.

‘Okay grandpa it's time fer bed.’ Soap quipps, with a snicker. Earning a pillow to the face for his comment.

Ghost who sits back and watches for the first time. He makes no comment as to whether he likes it or not. However he watched it the whole way through!

Reader! who starts hearing the group humming songs. One day in the common room she hears the melody of defying gravity being hummed and she pops her head in.

Simon, dressed in his basic compression shirt and cargo pants, mask and all humming defying gravity.

Reader! Who quickly whipps out her phone but Simon turns around so she fumbles with it as it clatters to the ground.

Simon (who Reader! can see) ‘s eyes are crinkled at the edges.

‘Bloody good song innit?’ Before taking his cup of steaming tea and heading back to his room.

Reader! Who just stares blankly at the spot he was just in.

‘LT isn't tone deaf?!’ She exclaims.

Or

Reader! who doesn't sing.

Reader! who isnt a singer. She'd never really known about wicked until Gaz and Soap had all but dragged her to the common room for movie night.

Popcorn in hand and a cup of (whatever beverage) in her hand, she sat down.

‘I don't think I'll particularly like it, I'm not too huge on musicals.’ Reader! mumbles, unknowingly about to eat her own words.

After the movie finishes, reader! who is all teary and sniffling,

‘They were such good friends!’

Gaz patting Readers! shoulder in comfort and Soap just handing her tissues. (It didn't help that she was on her period)

‘They sang so well together! It's like they were meant to be!’ She continues sniffiling.

Ghost who just looks on, making a decision to subscribe to Amazon Prime just so they could all watch it again. He could tell she would want to view the movie again next week.

Price who reassures reader !that the movie was only part 1 and that there would be more for her to see next year.

Reader! whos tears slow,

‘You swear?’

‘Yes love, there'll be more.’ He speaks in a soothing slow tone, careful of his words so she doesn't lose it again.

Reader! who sniffs one last time and then wipes her face with a tissue.

‘Can I have a day off so I can go-’

‘Do you wanna go see the movie again at the cinema?’ Kyle nudges her.

‘Ye we can all go together.’ Johnny smiles at the reader, rubbing her knee gently.

‘We have Saturday off.’ Price nods, the plans already solidified in his head.

‘Did you want to go to a sing-along play through?’ Ghost speaks up, voice gravelly as ever.

‘But, would you guys be okay with that? I can't really sing.’ Reader!, whos now embarassed because shes little more aware of the fact that she was crying over a movie. She's now looking at the boys with wide hopeful eyes.

‘Yes of course! I'll go book the tickets online, go drink some water and we can go to bed early okay?’ Kyle rubs her back before getting up off the couch.

They all end up going to the sing along and Reader! swears she hears a low voice that sounds like Ghost singing along.

[mysticmoosenger]

✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* 𝕗****𝕕 𝕦𝕡 ✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:*

𝐫𝐢𝐩 𝐦𝐲 𝐬𝐡𝐢𝐫𝐭, 𝐤𝐢𝐬𝐬 𝐦𝐲 𝐧𝐞𝐜𝐤, 𝐭𝐡𝐫𝐨𝐰 𝐦𝐞 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐟𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐫 𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐭…

synopsis: deciding to ask choso to switch roles!

themes: sub!choso, dom!reader, orgasm denial, edging, nicknames, begging, reader is evil, choso is just a little guy

characters: choso <3 love my boy and hate gege

a/n: hi very happy to be back, excited to write more. everything i’ve written previously is deleted from my page bc i want to start fresh haha. college is destroying my hopes and dreams rn. also, i didnt proofread this like at all and its 4am, so just like, ignore my fuck ups please ily

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・.

●・○・●・○・●

choso! ur a super freak!

He wont show it, but he is already cumming at the thought of it. He is 110% a switch, but has been taking the dominant role since you seemed so sweet and eager to let him use you to do whatever he pleased.

“baby, I dont know how you feel about it and maybe it’s weird for me to say but… do you mind if I take the lead a little?”

That caught him off guard. Like totally off guard. As he was taking off your shirt his hands froze and his assault on your neck paused, He blinked a few times and asked to make sure thats really what he heard, “…you mean like, you want to be dominant?”

You shyly nod and continue to run your hands through the hair at the nape of his neck, his signature buns starting to unravel, somehow making him even hotter. God, you wanted to eat him alive.

After a few more seconds of processing, he quietly responds, “…yes love”

You feel him slowly kiss the marks he left you on your collarbone, his hands now gently reaching to remove your shirt. As he goes to lift it over your head, he moves back to allow you some space to wriggle the tight material past your shoulders. You catch a glimpse of his face right as he backs up, his face a bright red and his eyes looking glossy, he looks perfectly pitiful. Wow… you never realized how badly you have wanted to do this.

You manage to free yourself from your constricting top, taking off your bra as well. Choso watches you, his eyes following your every move, scanning your body. It’s obvious how down bad this poor boy is for you. You had never expected him to be this eager about switching roles.

The upper half of your clothing now gone, the red LED lights around the border of Choso’s room making your skin look flawless and irresistible. You swear you can see the poor boy drooling over you, waiting for you to order him around, use him, and make him a sobbing mess. He’s sitting in front of you on the bed, his hands tentatively resting on your thighs, staring at you with those sleepy dark eyes. He still had a bit of eyeliner on from earlier in the day, now starting to smudge and give him adorable tear stains. “okay cho… please strip for me baby”, you coo, wanting to mark up that broad muscular chest of his.

He slips his black compression tee over his head in one fluid motion, exposing his perfect abs and those sexy tattoos trailing down them leading to his hips. He stops and begins to run his hands from your waist to your tits, awaiting more instruction, already beet red and breathing fast. His heart is beating so fast that it starts to make him dizzy with lust. “I said strip cho. everything. be a good boy for me okay?”

You have never seen your man this worked up in the entirety of your relationship before. He moves at what seems like lightening speed, tearing off his pants, looking at you for approval as you nod for him to take off his boxers too. His dick springs out with possibly the hardest and angriest boner you’ve ever seen. You motion with your head for him to lay down, crawling on top of him and hovering your clothed pussy over his dripping dick. His eyes begging you to fuck him, he begins to snake his hands around your hips, trying to get you to at least touch him. “no cho, hands up by the headboard.” you say, pulling his wrists together and pinning them above his head. “if you move them I’m not letting you cum today.”

Choso nods immediately, knowing that he’d rather die than not be allowed to finish tonight. You make eye contact and slowly dip down to meet his lips with yours, your hand sliding down his arm from his wrists, gently caressing his muscular tattooed biceps. “you belong to me, got it cho?” you purr against his lips. He lets out an erotic whimper in response, which honestly takes both of you by surprise. You pause and let it replay in your head a few times before saying, “I’m totally breaking you tonight. how did I never know you had such a cute little submissive side?”

You move your hand to gently squeeze his throat and rejoin his lips, tongue grazing gently along his lips, his occasionally meeting yours. And while Choso has a submissive side, he’s still freaky. As you move to pull away, he nips at your bottom lip, making you moan in response, “god I love you.”

You begin to move down his body, leaving little nips and kisses on the way to his beautiful abs. You glance up at his flustered face as you start to fill the gaps between his tattoos with little hickies to mark your territory. “no one else is allowed to see you like this, alright cho? mmmm fuck, no one..” you moan against his skin. You love the idea of your love bites being shown off in his weekly gym pictures.

Choso is squirming, overwhelmed at the sensation of you kissing by his v-line. “..mmm pl-please y/n… ohmygo-d yes pleaseee…” he rambles, his eyes squeezing shut and his eyeliner now officially all over his cheeks, complimenting the long tattoo over the center of his nose. His hair has almost completely fallen out of his buns, now tangled and fanned out around his face. He really does look angelic. And pitiful. You just want to ruin him.

“please what baby? please stop? its too much and i should stop?” you tease as you reduce your love bites to feathered kisses, barely touching his skin. “n-nooo please no i w-want mmore~ please baby y/n p-pleas- oh my go- god fuck!” he begs, his mouth agape and his hips writhing to try to get any pressure remotely to his dick.

You decide that since he has been so good (and you just want to make him a whimpering mess) he deserves a little treat. Your lips ghost down his thigh and to his balls, placing a gentle kiss to them. You quickly suck on your fingers to give them some lube while making sure Choso has a good view, and begin to stroke his shaft. With the way Choso is moaning, you speed up your movements, twirling your fingers over his angry, dripping tip and the end of every motion. Your other arm wraps around one of his thighs, doing your best to pin him in place. His hand slid down sneakily to rest atop your head, lacing his fingers through your hair. Your tongue found a sweet spot towards the base of his balls, eliciting a loud “FUCK oh my- fuck y-yes y/n there!” You continue stroking him and swirling your tongue against his sensitive spots until he is shaking, his hips desperately attempting to buck upwards. Right as he is about to finish, you remove your hands and sit back, away from his cock.

You smile, taking in the gorgeous sight before you. Choso is breathing in loud pants, whimpering and shaking from the abrupt stop of the stimulation. His eyes are teary, his makeup smeared, and his lips are glossy from your kisses. Trailing down, there is a line of love bites leading to his tattoos. His lower abdomen is drenched in slick precum. “baby please p-please keep going~” he begs in between pants.

You giggle slightly sadistically and gently run your fingertips around his v-line and base of his dick. Moving your head up, you give him a sloppy kiss, again inciting cute whimpers from his throat. “cho love, you remember what I said earlier about your hands? Dont think I didnt notice baby…”

Choso lets out a loud moan in protest, begging you for a second chance.

Luckily for him…. the clock just hit midnight.

ending a/n: thank u for reading!! please send in requests my asks are open! or just talk to me!! love u guys and im so excited to be back! :)

[cozy-writes-things]

I am absolutely fucking insane and want to see Edgar in pain

Like physically not emotionally or mentally

I’m weirg

I didn't want to be simply cruel to our lil guy in this so its very tame... it simply goes against my programming to be mean to my pookie bear lmao But I'm so thankful for the request!!

“I’m fine,” Edgar pressed, annoyance evident in his shaken voice, “seriously.”

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose and groaning. “Edgar, seriously, you have so much dust buildup in those vents it could cause a fire.” You gestured toward his base component. “I just need to clean it with some compressed air. It’s literally not a big deal!”

He whined again.

“To you, it’s not! To me, it feels too… personal. I’m very sensitive, you know.”

Your shoulders dropped at his words. “Edgar, please? I just don’t want you to get hurt. Or set the apartment on fire. Or both!”

You deployed your best pleading tone for this, hoping, praying, that he’d let you inside to clean him. You just couldn’t bear to see him get so gunked up like this; it made you feel like a bad friend, in a way. He wasn’t able to clean himself, so naturally, that responsibility fell on you. Who would you be if you continued to let him deteriorate like this?

His screen went dim as he thought over your words. You always had a way of swaying him, he feared.

He knew you were right. He was just really, really nervous. An emotion still new to him, but all the more unwelcome. It ruminated inside of him, bubbling up and out of his fans. They struggled to rotate, and he could feel his internal temperature struggling to maintain itself.

“Fine,” he murmured, “but I want to stay on. I don’t need to be plugged in, just… I’m not powering off.”

A weight lifted from your chest as you let out a weary, bated breath. “Oh, thank goodness. I promise, I’ll be careful. I kind of have to. I don’t want to get shocked.”

He chuckled, voice deep and thick with nerves, yet it reverberated through your chest and down through your fingertips. Why were you so worked up about this? It just felt too intimate, for whatever reason. The way your fingers brushed lightly over his casing to move him, eliciting a small whimper of surprise barely whispering from his speakers, your screwdriver carefully unscrewing each little screw, the atmosphere growing thicker with every passing second. The air felt thick and hot. Edgar stayed silent, but you could nearly tangibly feel his fear pricking the air like electricity. It tingled against your fingertips as you carefully lifted his casing to reveal his insides.

It’s nothing you haven’t seen before. You quite literally restored him; you’ve spent hours scrubbing the gunk off his motherboards. But that was before. Before you knew who he was and before you began to harbor very confusing feelings for the old computer. That was before you heard his playful voice praising the ground you walked on, complimenting you till you became a mess of nerves, making songs for you…

He did not seem to understand the meaning of casual.

You had mulled this concept over many nights; what he could possibly be feeling for you. Is this sentient machine flirting with you? Don’t be ridiculous. But who would ever write a love song dedicated to someone like that? Who would send constant sweet messages of praise and encouragement, or do domestic tasks like make coffee every morning, or microwave leftovers, or sit snugly in your arms, watching cheesy rom-coms? Is that platonic? Do you feel platonically for him? What are you feeling?

“Okay, I see where most of the dust is,” you, with great force, willed yourself back to reality to face the task at hand. “This is probably going to be really cold.”

You took your can of compressed air and angled it against the little dust bunny caked against his vents and pulled the trigger. A hard, icy stream of air shot out, fanning across his motherboards, ports, connectors, and quite literally everything else.

You couldn't help but wince at the harsh sound it made.

He hissed loudly, causing you to jolt and cease your icy barrage. If he were able to, he would have jumped out of his casing right then and there.

“Agh, stop! I- I can’t. I can’t do it, it’s cold- it-” he began panting, somehow, despite his lack of lungs, “it hurts. I don’t like it…!”

His whine tore at your heartstrings. You hated to be the cause of such discomfort. The dust bunny was nearly three-fourths gone now, and just one good-angled blast of air could probably clear it out. You swallowed your bubbling emotions and forced yourself to be firm yet gentle.

“C’mon Edgar, I know it hurts, but I’m almost done. Just one more time, and it’ll be over, okay? Can you do that for me?”

Your voice was thick and sweet like honey as you spoke to him. He cursed himself for feeling some kind of way at your voice. The icy trail the compressed air had left seemed to disappear as quickly as it came as he began to heat up at the sound of your words.

The way you were so gentle with him despite how utterly helpless he was…

Why did he like it so damn much? Why was he almost excited? Why did he feel like things between you were going to be awkward for the rest of the day?

“O-okay… I trust you, just- please? Be quick?”

You softly smiled at him, and damn it, this shouldn’t feel so intimate but it did. He felt guilty thinking these things while you were just trying to help, but could you blame him? Who in their right mind wouldn’t want someone like you doing something like this?

Damn.

He’s got it bad.

You pulled the trigger to the compressed air again and this time he bit back the yelp of pain. It hurt, but it also felt… good? He was confused. Was this relaxing or not? Did he like the feeling of being cared for in this way? No, it felt like shit. It was cold and harsh. But it was gentle and soft.

The stream of air suddenly became a bit too frigid for his tastes.

“Ah, stop, stop! It’s too cold, I- ugh, am I clean yet?”

You halted your blast of air, checking his screen for any signs of real damage, yet he seemed to be fine, just shaken.

You examined his vents one last time. “Yeah, I think you should be good for a while.”

He sighed dramatically. “Finally!”

You carefully assembled him back together again. He almost purred as you did so, his plastic warm to the touch. His fans whirred to life as you smiled at him. You could already hear how the airflow had improved.

“Ah, see, isn’t that better?”

His little green screen rolled its eyes. “Yeah, whatever. It feels great. Now watch movies with me! You owe me.”

His voice boomed with energy. You supposed it worked better than he expected it to. He already seems much more chipper and energetic. Are you going to regret this later? Probably. But his constant pestering for your attention endeared you.

You laughed and petted his casing as his little digital face leaned into your touch. “Alright, you’re right… What do you want to watch?”

His face turned mischievous, and sometimes when he looked at you like that, you swore you could see little horns sprout atop his head.

“Something dirty!”

“Absolutely not.”

[suzannahnatters]

Let Your Knights Weep

One of the big things I've had to train myself out of when writing medieval historical fiction?

The stiff upper lip.

This used to really bewilder my editor, who for some time attempted to nudge me away from having my grown men weep and wail and blubber, but for me it's an essential part of the setting. Whether in grief or fear, medieval people did not hold things back.

Here are some of my favourite quotes to explain.

First, a couple from two great 20th century medievalists:

CS Lewis in his Letters put it this way:

“By the way, don't 'weep inwardly' and get a sore throat. If you must weep, weep: a good honest howl! I suspect we - and especially, my sex - don't cry enough now-a-days. Aeneas and Hector and Beowulf, Roland and Lancelot blubbered like schoolgirls, so why shouldn't we?”

Dorothy Sayers, in her fabulous Introduction to her translation of THE SONG OF ROLAND, speaking of Charlemagne discovering Roland's body on the battlefield:

Here too, I think we must not reckon it weakness in him that he is overcome by grief for Roland’s death, that he faints upon the body and has to be raised up by the barons and supported by them while he utters his lament. There are fashions in sensibility as in everything else. The idea that a strong man should react to great personal and national calamities by a slight compression of the lips and by silently throwing his cigarette into the fireplace is of very recent origin. By the standards of feudal epic, Charlemagne’s behaviour is perfectly correct. Fainting, weeping, and lamenting is what the situation calls for. The assembled knights and barons all decorously follow his example. They punctuate his lament with appropriate responses:

By hundred thousand the French for sorrow sigh; There’s none of them but utters grievous cries.

At the end of the next laisse:

He tears his beard that is so white of hue, Tears from his head his white hair by the roots; And of the French an hundred thousand swoon.

We may take this response as being ritual and poetic; grief, like everything else in the Epic, is displayed on the heroic scale. Though men of the eleventh century did, in fact, display their emotions much more openly than we do, there is no reason to suppose that they made a practice of fainting away in chorus. But the gesture had their approval; that was how they liked to think of people behaving. In every age, art holds up to us the standard pattern of exemplary conduct, and real life does its best to conform. From Charlemagne’s weeping and fainting we can draw no conclusions about his character except that the poet has represented him as a perfect model of the “man of feeling” in the taste of the period.

OK, now let's dig into some quotes that I found just in Christopher Tyerman's Chronicles of the First Crusade and Joinville's Life of St Louis:

Truly you would have grieved and sobbed in pity when the Turks killed any of our men....

As for the knights, they stood about in a great state of gloom, wringing their hands because they were so frightened and miserable, not knowing what to do with themselves and their armour, and offering to sell their shields, valuable breastplates and helmets for threepence or fivepence or any price they could get....

When Guy, who was a very honourable knight, had heard these lies, he and all the others began to weep and to make loud lamentation....

They stayed in the houses cowering, some some for hunger and some for fear of the Turks....

Now at vigils, the time of trust in God’s compassion, many gave up hope and hurriedly lowered themselves with ropes from the wall-tops; and in the city soldiers, returning from the encounter, circulated widely a rumour that mass decapitation of the defenders was in store. To add weight to the terror, they too fled…

In the course of that day’s battle there had been many people, and of fine appearance too, who had come very shamefully flying over the little bridge you know of and had fled away so panic-stricken that all our attempts to make them stay with us had been in vain. I could tell you some of their names, but shall refrain from doing so, because they are now dead.

I could go on looking for quotes in all the other medieval literature I've read, but that would be beyond the scope of this Tumblr post.

In the meantime, this leads me to make some comments on how trauma was perceived.

In Jonathan Riley-Smith's The First Crusade and the Idea of Crusading, the author discusses the mental breakdowns suffered by the first crusaders during the second siege of Antioch, which caused many of them to flee at the moment of direst need:

In these stressful circumstances it is not surprising that the crusaders were often very frightened. At times, indeed, they seem to have been almost paralysed by a terror that they themselves could hardly comprehend. … When the crusade was bottled up in Antioch by Kerbogha's relief force it was gripped by such blind panic that there was the prospect of a mass break-out and on the night of 10 or 11 Juney 1098 Bohemond and Adhemar had the gates of the city closed. It is worth noting that many of those whom later chroniclers, writing after the events in comparative comfort in Europe, vilified for cowardice and desertion seem to have been treated more charitably by their fellow-crusaders, who must have understood what pressures they had been under.

--

In conclusion: the way we feel about things today in the English-speaking isn't necessarily the way people felt about things in the past (and this goes for other cultures, real or imagined, too). I'm continually catching myself writing people with stiff upper lips and emotional reservations, and having to remind myself that the culture was different back them. If a grown man wanted to weep, he could. That's a good thing. (Oh, and my medieval historical fantasy? Check out the Watchers of Outremer series on Amazon or wherever books are sold!)

[angelliicc]

rush

“nine to nine, you're on my mind all day

you're my world and my sweet escape”

masterlist

a/n: HI GUYS! editor ❌ writer ✅ no fic coming tomorrow or thursday :( sorry. also i almost fell asleep writing this but i drank celsius lol, enjoy!!

warnings: not proofread, fluff, tension

| your phone buzzed with a notification. your phone had been quite dry, but whenever you get a notification you answer it immediately. it was from instagram.

message request from: ellie 💫 accept it?

“hm, whos this?” you thought. no person had dmed you out of the blue before. only close friends and family. “sure, why not?”

after accepting the request, you see the message she left for you.

“hey :)”

you respond back. “hiii”

e: “i dmed you because i saw we have a lot of interests in common, hope you dont mind.”

you needed new mutuals to talk about the same shit you liked, only a handful of people at your school, but they were mostly older.

r: “oh dont worry, i dont mind. so you like the same things as me mostly?”

e: “unless there’s something i dont know about, than yes”

“shes kinda funny” you thought.

r: “lol, i like music, clothes, painting, shopping, sports, all that shit.”

e: “i like sports also, what do you watch?”

r: “basketball, loved it since i was 5”

e: “damn thats for a long ass time. i tried it but its ehh not for me.”

r: “well what do you watch or play?”

e: “soccer, i play and watch.”

r: “nicee. i want to play soccer, but i don’t know how to play lol.”

e: “maybe i can teach you one day.”

shes bold, but you had no complaints about it.

you saw in her bio, she lived in the same area as you. you decided to ask her if you’d like to meet up and get some coffee. you had nothing to do this weekend and wanted to get out of the house anyway.

r: “hey, i saw you’re in the bay? you mind if you wanna get coffee and chat? get to know each other more?”

you pressed send before even thinking twice. “fuck fuck fuck why did i do that? she must think im so annoy-“ until you felt a buzz.

e: “sure, id like that.”

a smile grew on your face.

the next morning you woke up, went to the bathroom to do your 5 step skin care routine. while waiting for your skin to dry, you decided to pick out an outfit. the weather was partly cloudy, so you picked out a pink sweater, a white tank top, and some jeans. you changed, then applied your makeup, making sure everything was going perfect. you did your eyeshadow a baby pink color, with some glitter on the center of your eyelids.

the cafe was around 5 minutes away from your house, so you decided to walk. it was a good dose of vitamin D, and you needed some fresh air.

when you get there, you see her sitting in a chair. she has auburn hair in a mullet, green eyes and freckles on her face. she was wearing sweats, a compression shirt with a button-up short sleeve shirt on top.

you smiled as you sat down, placing your tote bag down. “hi!”

“hey, you look nice.” she replied. the comment caught you off guard, making you immediately flustered.

“thank you.” you said back “you look nice too. wanna order anything? its on me don’t worry.”

“nono i got it, thank you for the offer.” you and ellie went up to the counter placing your orders. ellie ordered an iced americano with a marble cake. you weren’t really hungry, so you just ordered a matcha.

you both sat down at the table and started talking. you both talked like it was your last day on earth. you told each other your personal lives, schooling, etc.

you both talked so much that you guys lost track of time. before you knew it, the sun was starting to set. “wanna see the sunset? lets see if it has pretty colors today.” she asked.

“yess, i love sunsets.” you said. you got your bag, and headed out the door with her. you decided to walk to the local park and watch the sunset.

you both sat down on the grass, enjoying the view. a random wave of drowsiness hit you. before you knew it, your head was on ellies shoulder and you were out like a light.

15 minutes later you wake up from her shoulder, still at the park. the sun had fully set, and you realized what had happened.

“im so sorry, i didn’t mean to.” you said.

“dont worry, i kinda enjoyed it actually.” ellie replied back, soothing your worries.

“yup, shes still bold.” you thought. “this was fun ellie. im gonna head home now, we should do this again sometime.” you told her enthusiastically.

“me too, this was very nice. see you again sometime soon.” she replied.

before you went to bed, you got another message from her.

“goodnight.” ellie said

“goodnight.” you replied back

the next morning, you were bombarded with texts. and you liked it.

for the next 3 days, you both were talking from sun up to sun down, never getting bored. you noticed ellie was being bold and flirting with you. “two can play that game.” you thought to yourself.

e: “i missed you these past couple of days.”

r: “oh really? how bad did you miss me.”

e: “i missed you so much i couldnt stop thinking about you. you’re so beautiful.”

r: “you really have a way with words, yk that right?”

e: “maybe.”

r: “since when are you the flirty type?”

e: “ive always been. why? too much to handle?”

r: “no, i like it. its cute from you.”

e: “when you slept on my shoulder by accident the other day, you had me nervous. in a good way. i wish you just stayed there forever”

r: “its just my touch i have on people. if you miss me so much come over.”

e: “omw.”

10 minutes later, the doorbell rang. you felt a rush of excitement.

you answered the doorbell, seeing her leaning on the doorframe. “did you fly down the highway?” you asked sarcastically. “thats only something i know.” she replied

you both went to your bedroom. it was pink with green vines and fairy lights. cds and posters spread according to match the aesthetic.

you sat on the floor, and ellie sat down on your bed, lying down to your plushies then eventually getting up.

“you’re the only thing ive been thinking about lately.” she started

“is that so? do i make you feel special?” you respond

“i wont lie, you kinda do. everything about you. i love all of it. your eyes, your hair, your style.” she spoke, all saying this while running her fingers through your hair. you felt like you falling, your heart was racing and your stomach was doing flips.

you got up off the floor and sat on the bed. she placed her hand on your knee and started doing circles with her thumbs, letting you get tingles all over your body. you both look at each other, and didnt break eye contact. you were getting nervous, so you started blushing and immediately turned away in embarrassment. “hey!” she said in a playful tone. you both eventually held hands while looking at each others eyes.

“no ones made me feel like this before” you told her.

“good, then let me be the first.” she spoke.

when you looked down she touched your face and kissed your cheek. you felt satisfied, and your whole face felt red. her soft kisses on your skin felt so relaxing. the feelings you both have kept hidden from the moment you say each other were about to become transparent.

the tension between you both was louder than any words ever spoken before. you both looked at each others lips, and started kissing, becoming drunk in each other. her taste of love was so special and sweet. so sweet that it made you dizzy. you felt like a spell was casted upon the both of you, like you could stay up all night, and never be tired. love felt so easy in that moment, and it made you want more of her. you both couldn’t get enough of each other, wanting to feel each others rush.

the touch of each other made it seemed like it lasted forever. she pulled away from your lips.

“can i be your girlfriend?” she asked you.

fuck, she did have a way of her words. the words themselves can make you levitate from the thoughts of her.

“you dont know how long ive been waiting for that question.” you told her. “absolutely.”

just as you were running out of love, you found the person you needed the most.

hours and hours what do I do now? baby

with no clue, i need you quickly

i need to feel your rush, drive me crazy and I know

i just can't get enough.

[bakugosatoru]

Pretty for the Press

Requests Open! Warnings: Graphic Smut (This is pure PWP smut, MDNI) Genre: Smut Fic Type: Medium Length Fic (4.5k Words) Fandom: My Hero Acadamia Ship: Dabi x Hawks Authors note: My first longer fic! I'm not sure how I feel about it but I like it enough that I do want to share it! I've been working on it for an embarrassingly long time so I hope you like it! Also Dabi is really soft in this and its a little out of character but oh well. Synopsis: Hawks has defected to the side of the villains and is now standing in the League of Villains hideout bathroom, and he needs a haircut. Dabi offers to help. What could go wrong.

Also here on AO3 if you prefer to read over there.

It isn't exactly the Marriott. The yellowing porcelain of the benchtops and the stained brown sinks work to remind him exactly where he is. The bathroom at the league of villains hideout. The porcelain is cool against his hands, his face leaning in towards the cracked and dirty mirror.

It's been three months since Hawk defected to the side of the villains, away from the world of heroes, the world of being a hero. So here Hawks stands, instead of his hero funded penthouse with the nicest things money can buy, he stands in a bathroom, staring at himself in the mirror. Tugging at the strands of his hair. He always forgets how quickly hair grows when not being cut every two weeks to keep up an appearance. 

“So this is why you spend so fucking long in the bathroom huh? Damn you really love looking at yourself that much Birdie?”

Dabi stands, lounging against the doorframe dressed in black sweatpants and a ratty old tank top. Hawks scowls, wondering how long he’d really been there.

“Fuck off Dabi, was just trying to figure out which one of you psychos I’d trust with scissors to cut my hair” The ex-hero smirked, leaning back from the mirror to meet Dabi’s gaze.

“And what was the verdict?” Dabi mused as he wandered over to stand next to Hawks, whose wings quickly tucked into his body to make room. 

Hawks didn’t answer, just going back to pulling and rearranging his hair before huffing and messily tying it back in a stubby ponytail. Dabi spun around and sat against the sink, watching Hawks intently. Hawks feathers puff and ruffle slightly, subconsciously, as he feels Dabis gaze dig into him. It's not often they get time alone together, usually they are either surrounded by other members of the league or fighting for their lives. Doesn’t exactly leave a lot of time for talking. Dabi picked up the discarded and rusted scissors off the counter and held them in front of his eyes, cutting at the air a few times for good measure.

“I mean, I could do it..” Dabi said, spinning the scissors around his pointer finger and tapping his other hand mindlessly against the counter.

“Promise I won't slice ya” 

“Well that just fills me with confidence” Hawks scoffed.

“I mean, the offers there if you want. If you want to keep growing out your hair ‘till you start looking like a homeless guy hanging outside the headquarters that's your call Birdy” 

Hawks paused for a moment, looking over at Dabi. Dabi glanced at him momentarily before returning his gaze to the scissors spinning in his hand. Hawks hated to admit that Dabi was probably his best choice. He couldn't trust Compress or Twice to just do a small trim (they always had a flair for the dramatic), Himeko might get a bit too snip-happy with the scissors and Shigaraki isn't exactly a big fan of… hygiene in general. 

“Fine” Hawks huffed, finally leaning back from the counter.

“Yea?” Surprise painted Dabi’s voice as he hopped off the counter and strolled behind Hawks, yanking a cheap plastic chair over from the corner of the room and placing it right in front of the mirror.

“Well take a seat, get comfortable. Want me to wash your hair first, scalp massage maybe? Perhaps I should get you a cup of tea?” Dabi mocked in a sing-song tone.

“Oh please do, I expect only the best service from a stylist as famous as yourself” Hawks scoffed as he rolled his eyes. He sat down on the chair and leaned back, Dabi now towering behind him in the mirror. A moment paused between them as Dabi looked down at his hair, a hand reaching out gingerly to hold a few strands between his fingers, the back of his hand brushing against Hawks neck gently. Hawks felt a shiver pass through his body to the tip of his wings and he just prayed Dabi didn’t notice.

“Uh actually I might have to wash it…” Dabi mumbled, all the joking bravado in his voice replaced with a nervousness Hawks had never heard coming from the villain before.

“Hm?” Hawks questioned, tilting his head to look up at Dabi, seeing the living skin on his face dusted with a soft pink hue.

“It's just easier to cut wet hair.” Dabi said as he spun the plastic chair around, so that Hawks was now facing him, his back to the sink. Hawks' breath caught in his throat as he looked up at Dabi, who was leaning over to turn on the faucet. Was Dabi going to wash his hair? This really hadn't been how he expected this to go, he assumed Dabi would cut a few inches off his hair and be done with it, but this was a side of Dabi he hadn't seen before. A softer side.

“Okay lean back, the water shouldnt be too hot but my hands aren't exactly great for gauging temperature so if your skin melts off, not my fault.” Dabi said as he moved over to the shower in the corner of the bathroom and snatched up a bottle of shampoo and conditioner. Hawks leant back, awkwardly tilting his head under the faucet to line himself up so the water was in his hair instead of covering his entire face.

“Twice will kill you if he finds out you're going to use his weird expensive shampoo”

“No, he’ll kill you. You're the one using it, I'm just putting it in your hair” Smirked Dabi as he strolled over to the left of Hawks and reached into the sink to help rinse his hair. Hawks felt himself tense as Dabis fingers brushed against his scalp, before relaxing into the touch and letting his eyes shut to prevent getting water in them. 

“So what about that tea you offered?” Hawks smirked as he felt Dabi pour some shampoo on his head and start massaging it into his hair. If he tried really hard he could probably pretend he was back in one of those swanky hair salons his agency used to send him to, but honestly? He preferred this, though he wasn't fully sure why. 

“Hey what the-” Hawks sputtered as he felt water be splashed onto his face. Dabi laughed as Hawks wiped his eyes with his sleeve, opening his eyes to look up at Dabi. His mouth opened to scold him but he paused, Dabi had this mindless smile on his face, not one of his signature smirks, but a genuine smile. 

Hawks hadn’t ever seen Dabi smile like this before.

“I was about to say you were good at this but after that I might have to retract that statement” Hawks teased.

“Aw c’mon Birdy, you like it” 

“Yea I guess I do” Hawks said, his voice quiet, so quiet that Dabi nearly didn't hear him…. But he had heard him.

“I’m sure you had this done all the time when you were a hero” Dabi snipped, a strange venom in his voice, but Hawks just shook it off.

“Yea, too much actually. They would send me every few weeks to make sure my hair was always perfect. ‘Gotta keep up appearances’ they would tell me. So they’d send me to some overpriced salon and get me all dolled up for the press” Hawks sighed, remembering his old life wasn’t exactly his favorite pastime. 

“Which do you like better?” “Hm?”

“Your old salon experiences or this one?” Dabi asked as he washed the last bit of conditioner out of Hawks hair and swapped to rinsing the hair clean. Hawks paused for a moment, staring up at Dabi.

“My old hairstylist was never so gentle” Hawks mumbled, still gazing up at him. Dabi tensed at his words, pulling his hands away and wiping them on a towel. Hawks scolded himself in his head, he was having the perfect moment with Dabi and he had to go say something stupid and spook him. 

He opened his mouth to apologize, or try to play it off, or do something to turn back time to only a few moments ago, but he was stopped by Dabi’s hand resting against his cheek as he leaned in and began to softly dry his hair. Hawks leant forward so he was no longer halfway in the sink as Dabi gently dried his hair with the towel before using the towel to wipe away the water that had splashed on Hawks face.

“I'm sure your old hairstylist never did this either.” Dabi whispered as he placed the towel on the counter and leant down, cupping Hawks face in his hands and brushing their lips together ever so softly, as if asking for permission. Permission that Hawks was more than happy to grant as he reached up and wrapped his arms around Dabis neck, kissing him deeply. Hawks’ mind was racing at a hundred miles an hour. Never in his wildest dreams could he have expected this. Of course he liked Dabi, Dabi was strong, funny, passionate and beautiful. But Dabi was also, well, Dabi; he didn’t expect him to feel the same way.

“Well?” Dabi asked, breaking the kiss but not pulling away. Their lips softly brushed against each other as he spoke.

“Oh, huh?” Stuttered Hawks, every thought in his brain fully occupied with what had just happened.

Dabi chuckled softly, gazing at Hawks' kiss-drunk expression. 

“Have any of your hairstylists ever done that before?” He smirked, kissing Hawks for just a moment before pulling back to allow him to answer.

“No, but I don't mind if this one does” He murmured, mustering every ounce of confidence in his body to stand up and pull Dabi back into a scathing kiss, his hands gripping his black spiked hair, being careful not to pull any staples or hurt the scarred skin. Hawks was usually good at this kind of thing, being a confident hero was all part of his image. Swooning the ladies, charming the press, it was second nature to him. But this? This was different, he had never felt so exposed, he was laying himself bare for a man who he had assumed wanted nothing to do with him. He was offering himself to Dabi, and if Dabi pushed him away now? He would never recover.

But Dabi took his offer

“Wanted to do this for months” Dabi whispered against Hawks lips. Scarred hands gripped his thighs and lifted Hawks up onto the bathroom counter. The plastic chair clattered to the side as Dabi stood between Hawks thighs, kissing him deeply. One of Hawks hands began to tug at the hem of Dabis' shirt. Dabi lifted his arms, allowing him to lift the shirt over his head and toss it to a corner of the bathroom. His hands began to trail along his scarred chest, his finger gently tracing the seams between scarred and living skin. For the first time, Dabi seemed to pull back, breaking the kiss and turning his head to the side.

“You okay? Does that hurt?” Hawks quickly started to pull his hand away but Dabi grabbed it and placed it back on his chest, holding it there and squeezing it slightly.

“No it's fine, just… been a while since anyone touched them, I guess; weird feeling. Just…keep going” Dabi sighed, his head dropping against Hawks shoulder, his hand dropping to the birds thigh as he began kissing along his neck.

“Okay” Hawks whispered, his hands dragging along Dabi’s chest, dragging down towards the hem of his sweatpants, mindlessly fiddling with the drawstring for a moment as he felt Dabi bite down against his neck, licking at the indent left behind.

“Shit- Dabi” Hawks hissed, his hips twitching. 

“Your room, now, please” 

“Don't gotta tell me twice songbird” Dabi hummed, stepping back and dragging Hawks off the counter.

Songbird… Hawks liked that one.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hawks got the wind knocked out of him as Dabi slammed him against the now closed door to his room. He was going to wake up the entire League and he truly didn't seem to care. Because he finally had that stupid bird in his arms.

“Do you know how long i've been trying to get your attention?” Dabi growled against his ear, his hands grabbing Hawks waist. Hawks let out a whine, flattening his chest against Dabis.

“So fucking pretty birdy, everyone wanted to be with the hero Hawks hm? Fucking sucks for them all, ‘cause I get villain Hawks and he is so much better.” Dabi used his grip on the ex-heros waist to push him towards the bed, shoving him backwards. He fell back, his wings splaying across the bed. Dabi couldn't help but smirk. Laid out just for him. He crawled over and straddled Hawks, before leaning forward to catch his lips in a kiss once again, their hips rolling against each other sloppily. They were making out like two teenagers and they couldn't care less. Hawks broke the kiss for a moment to rip his own shirt over his head, but it took a little longer as he had to slide his wings out of it, which Dabi thankfully helped with.

“Always wondered how those wings got in the way of getting dressed, guess now I know” Mused Dabi, his thumbs rubbing circles in Hawks thigh.

“Heh, yea, just as cumbersome as you would think” Laughs Hawks as he finally manages to escape his shirt, launching it across the room.

Dabi paused for a moment, his hands now pressed flat against Hawks chest as he shifted his weight, sitting on his lap. 

“Well Birdy, how do you wanna do this?”

“I mean, being on the bed is a good start…”

“No you dumbass,” Laughed Dabi.

            “Do you wanna top or bottom, I don’t mind either, I mean I usually top but I could be convinced to switch…I just need to touch you” He hummed as he dragged his nails across Hawks chest.

“Oh yea.. um” Hawks paused, his heart leaping into his throat as he looked at the ceiling, his face going bright red.

“Songbird?” Dabi paused, his hands flattening out to gently rest against Hawks hips.

“We don't have to do this if you don't want to. I didn't mean to…” Dabi trails off, self doubt filling him. Did he force Hawks into this? Hawks was probably grossed out. Was it his scars?. Dabi's mind raced a hundred miles an hour as he slowly went to climb off Hawks lap.

“No No it's nothing like that” Hawks exclaimed with a slight panic, his hands pulling Dabi back to his lap. He paused, Hawks entire face was burning red.

“I've just… fuck this is embarrassing. I've never done anything like this… before?” He mumbled, his eyes still avoiding meeting Dabis at all cost.

“What? Really? This is your first time with a dude?” Dabi exclaimed. He didn't mean to sound so surprised but, the number 2 hero? The professional flirt? Had never been with a guy?

“No not just with a guy” Hawks whispered, he looked like he wanted to curl in on himself until the world itself disappeared.

“Birdie, you a virgin?” Dabi asked, surprise lacing his voice.

“Yea…. The commission didn't exactly like letting me out of their sight and dating or hookups were out of the question so…” Hawks shrugged. 

Dabi paused for a moment before reaching a hand out and gently tilting Hawks chin down so their eyes met.

“Songbird, do you want to do this?” He asked, his voice that soft whisper from before that made Hawks heart melt.

“Mhm”

“I need words, Birdy.”

“Yes,” Hawks said before kissing Dabi softly. There's no one else he'd rather have his first time with. He threw his old life away to join the league, but deep down, he threw it away to be near Dabi, he wanted a new start, he wanted to do all the things he could never do, and if one of those things is getting railed by his hot edgy villain friend? Then he was going to do it.

“Alright then Songbird, here’s what we’re gonna do, you're going to leave everything to me, I’ll take the lead and take care of ya’. Any point you wanna stop, just say the word and we will.” Dabi smiled, that sweet smile again. Hawks would trust this man with his life… ironic considering their past. Dabi hooked his fingers into the loops of Hawks pants and worked to pull them off his legs. Hawks lifted his hips so Dabi was able to fully free him, his boxers doing absolutely nothing to hide the shape of his arousal straining against the fabric.

“This hard for little ol’ me Birdy? I’m flattered” Dabi teased, his mouth latching to Hawks exposed collarbone as one of his hands gave Hawks a light squeeze over his boxers. Hawks opened his mouth to reply, but he was only able to muster a whispered whine as Dabi set his mind racing with just a few touches.

“Fuck, your voice Songbird” Dabi groaned as he pulled back for a moment, quickly ridding himself of his own sweatpants. He grabbed Hawks hand and pulled it to feel against the growing bulge in his boxers.

“Feel what you do to me baby?” Dabi asked, Hawks didn’t respond, his hips shifting as he fought to get any friction against the growing desperation between his legs. Dabi smirked. Watching Hawks get so desperate before even getting his boxers off was driving him crazy. Dabi finally gave Hawks some respite, grabbing the waistband of his boxers and pulling them off him, his cock red and the tip wet with precum. 

“Lie back for me okay? I’m going to make you feel so good” Dabi murmured as he tilted Hawks back on the bed before positioning himself between Hawks legs. He leaned over to the nightstand and grabbed the small bottle of lube he kept there for… personal reasons. He quickly discarded his own boxers before pouring some of the lube on his fingers and warming it up.

“This might feel weird at first but I promise it gets better” Dabi said as he dropped his slicked up finger down between Hawks legs, gently circling it around the rim before pushing it in softly. Hawks let out a hiss as his body got used to the strange intrusion. Dabi leaned forward and kissed along his collarbone in apology as he began to work his long finger in and out. He kept going until he was sure that Hawks was ready.

“Shit” Hawks moaned quietly as Dabi slipped a second finger into him, moving them around and scissoring them apart gently, working him open.

“Oh just you wait Songbird” Dabi smirked as he started to move his fingers slightly deeper, moving around, looking for that spot that would make his Birdy see stars.

“Fuck Dabi!” Hawks clenched around his fingers as he moaned loudly.

There it is.

Dabi let out a chuckle as he slipped a third finger into Hawks, loving how the ex-hero had begun rocking back onto his fingers. He kept working him open, making a conscious effort to only brush against his prostate once and a while, as to not end their fun too early, it was the birds first time after all. Hawks moans grew louder as Dabi continued to fuck into him with his fingers, his lips attacking any blank patches of skin across the birds chest, covering him in hickies. They would definitely have some questions to answer from the rest of the league tomorrow but neither of them could care at this moment.

“Dabi, fuck me please, I can’t take it anymore” Hawks whined out, his hand gripping against his partners scarred shoulders.

“Well how could I say no to that pretty voice baby?” Dabi purred out, but his mind was anything but calm. He didn’t realize how much of an effect Hawks voice had on him, he was shocked he didn’t cum right on the spot from hearing him beg, he was even more shocked he had just called Hawks baby. But no time to unpack that right now, right now all he needed was to get inside the stupidly sexy bird hero strewn in front of him. He quickly poured some more of the lube onto his hand, stroking his neglected cock a few times. He locked eyes with Hawks, the ex-hero was breathing heavily, his eyes watching Dabi hungrily, his whole face and neck bright red, besides the patches of hickies that were already starting to turn purple. Every breath seemed to send a quiver through each and every one of the feathers that sprouted from his back.

“Deep breath for me Birdy” Dabi pushed Hawks thighs apart as he lined himself up between his legs and slowly began to push inside. 

“Holy shit”

“You okay? Need me to stop?”

“Stop and I’ll rip your dick off” 

Dabi let out a laugh that quickly tapered into a groan as he bottomed out inside Hawks. He paused for a moment, his thumbs rubbing circles in Hawks hips, in an attempt to give the bird a moment to adjust. Hawks quickly let out a frustrated chirp and began to rock himself back against Dabis cock.

“No fucking patience” Dabi smirked as he slowly started to thrust into Hawks, not wanting to be too rough and hurt the poor bird. He dragged his nails up and down Hawks chest and shoulders, worshiping his toned body and the way his feathers quivered every time he brushed them with his fingers. But it wasn’t enough for Hawks, he wanted more. Don’t get him wrong, he was very thankful that Dabi was being so gentle and patient, but he didn’t want gentle, he wanted Dabi to make sure he never forgot this feeling. He wanted Dabi to make him scream. He rocked his hips impatiently back into Dabi’s thrusts, willing him to speed up.

“More Dabi, please” Hawks pleaded again, in that begging voice that Dabi couldn’t resist.

“Your fucking insatiable” Dabi chuckled darkly.

“Here I am, trying to be a gentleman” He slowly pulled out, until only the tip was still in.

“Be nice and gentle for your first time, but I think you just want me to fuck you into this mattress… isn’t that right Birdbrain” Dabi quickly slammed back into Hawks, yanking his thighs to bring them flush against each other. Hawks let out a choked moan, nodding eagerly as Dabi set a brutal pace, using Hawks hips and thighs to yank him back to meet his thrusts. Moans began spilling out of Hawks mouth completely unashamed, his hands gripping into the sheets for any kind of support as his body shook with each of Dabi’s thrusts. Dabi reached up and grabbed Hawks face, yanking him into a searing kiss, his tongue exploring every inch of the whimpering bird's mouth. 

“Fuck me your tight” Dabi growled against Hawks lips.

“Your jus -fuck- just big” Hawks choked out between his moans, eliciting another laugh from Dabi. He gritted his teeth, still slamming his hips roughly into his whimpering Birdy. Dabi really didn’t want to cum first but fuck did Hawks feel fucking incredible.

“Hey Birdy, roll over for me okay, wanna try something” Dabi said, pulling out and helping Hawks roll onto his stomach, his wings splaying out into the air after being cooped up against the bed for so long. Dabi slowly pushed himself deep back into the ex–hero, Hawks letting out a satisfied coo as he felt himself be filled again, this position making it feel even deeper. Even more intense. Hawks lifted his hips up, leaning forward on his knees, arms folded on the bed, his head resting against them. His ass on full display.

“Fuck Birdy, you’re gonna be the death of me” Dabi growled out as he returned to the brutal pace he had started before. Hawks kept up his chorus of moans, whimpers and chirps as he felt Dabis cock hit his prostate head on, this position making it even harder for him to keep it together.

“Dabi” He stammered through his whimpering tears “Not gonna last”.

“Gonna cum for me Songbird? Need to feel you clench around me, come on baby” Dabi cooed, one of his hands snaking down to Hawks dripping neglected cock, stroking it roughly in time with his thrusts, while his other hand grabbed the base of his wings roughly, his fingers curling and tugging on the sensitive feathers.

“Agh- Fuck Dabi!” Hawks let out a litany of loud moans and whines as his back arched into Dabi’s touch, his climax hitting him at full force, painting his stomach and the mattress with his cum. 

“That's it Songbird, just a little more, you're squeezing me so tight… shit” Dabi gasped out between gritted teeth as he felt Hawks climax rack his body. Both his hands shot to the base of Hawks large wings, gripping them tightly as he hit his limit. He collapsed forward against Hawks back and wings as he came, filling Hawks as deep as he could. Hawks mewling and chirping from the overstimulation. 

They laid there, both desperately trying to catch their breath. Dabi using the last of his energy to pull out, earning him a quiet whine from Hawks, and flop to the side of his sweet, exhausted bird (being careful not to crush his wings).

“C’mere birdy” Dabi mumbled, yanking the tired bird onto his chest, allowing him to nuzzle into the crook of his scarred neck, a hand gently running over his sides and the tips of his wings. The large wings had curled around the two of them, covering them both in a soft red canopy.  

“You good?” Dabi asked, turning his head to press a kiss onto the side of Hawks head.

“Mhm, so good” Hawks sighed, his words muffled by Dabis' shoulder. Dabi lets out a relieved breath he didn't realize he was holding and wraps both his arms around Hawks waist tightly, kissing the top of his head. 

“You know, we still have to cut your hair, Songbird” Dabi mused, resting his head against Hawks’. 

“Can do it tomorrow, don’t wanna move” Hawks whined.

“I have a feeling we’ll be a little busy tomorrow” Dabi smirked.

“Why? I didn't think we had a mission” Hawks asked, suddenly much more conscious.

“We don't, but Birdy, you just moaned on my dick loud enough that I'll be shocked if anyone didn’t hear it. We’re gonna have some questions to answer”  Dabi laughed, rubbing Hawks back as he saw his neck and ears turn red.

“Shit…” Hawks let out a groan. He had forgotten about that… tomorrow was going to be a long day. Dabi let out a laugh, hugging Hawks tightly to his body.

“A problem for tomorrow Birdy, get some rest for now” Dabi sighed, pulling the blanket over the two of them and relaxing back into the mattress, clutching his Birdy closely to his chest. He finally had him, he wasn't going to let him go any time soon.

[elusivecagedmockingbird]

A Daydream Away

[idol!yoongi x music producer!reader] [2k+ light angst?, not proofread and a self-indulgent fic, but who wouldn't want to keep Yoongi safe from the sharp edges of this world.]

Growing up, you had kept a box where you kept all of the trinkets you loved and swore to keep safe away from your best friend's, Yoongi, muddy hands, even if it cost you your life. A bit dramatic, yes, but you're just a ten-year-old. At 23, you still kept the box filled to the brim with trinkets. However, you no longer wanted to keep Yoongi away from your precious box. Rather, you wanted to keep him in it, which is ridiculous since even with all the stored things taken out, he wouldn't fit. Plus, how can a superstar ever fit in the small corners of your world when he's too big and already far away from you? In a nutshell, you fell in love with your good friend Yoongi and promise to keep him safe from the world, even from a distance. Loosely inspired by: A Daydream Away by All Time Low and Sparks by Coldplay. Also, hi, I'm back.

-

"I'm gonna add a bit more compression on the drums." Already making your way to the board, you turn the knob to adjust the sound.

You see Yoongi bob along to the music. "Good call!" Yi Jeong calls out loud enough to crack its way across the loud booming bass. You turn to look at him and smile.

While a praise from your superior makes you feel validated. You can't help but glance at Yoongi on his chair, awaiting for his opinion. Heck, you weren't even expecting him to use words, a nod is all you need to know he approves.

Even as kids, Yoongi was a... boy with few words. He rarely talked and when he did, it felt like an exclusivity from the rest of the world. He had a wide perspective and a smart mouth and talking with him then often left you speechless and mumbling words because you weren't exactly sure of the meaning of the words he used.

You were almost the same—timid. But you were quiet because you were shy and wanted to hide from boys. Yoongi, he was quiet because he didn't feel like wasting his energy talking.

It was a surprise you became friends. And a lifelong at that.

"Yoongi, what do you think?"

You pretend to busy yourself, staring at the sheet music as the two men talked. At your peripheral vision, you see Yoongi nod and hit save on the music draft.

Only then were you able to breathe.

"I think we may beat the deadline, guys. Appreciate all the help," Yoongi praises. He uncaps his bottle of whiskey, pours a shot, and hands it to you. "Seriously, Y/N, thanks for the help. Thought you were losing your touch," he teases.

"Losing touch my ass," you scoff as you snatch the glass from his warm calloused hands. "If someone's losing something it's Yi Jeong-nim. He said we'll miss the deadline, but you just said it, we might actually submit your demo early." You smirk Yi Jeong's way before downing the whiskey.

The comfortable silence eases in as the track ends. You loved moments like this, especially when it was just you and Yoongi in the room. You would share a smile before letting everything sink in. Your snotty friend now a worldwide superstar and you, still on his side, his number one supporter, his trusted producer. You would say you made it. Being able to produce music had been your dream when you were thirteen, Yoongi's, too when he was five and learned how to play the piano.

"You think the fans would like it?" In the thick of the silence came Yoongi's doubt. This wasn't unfamiliar territory. He often doubted himself despite how far he came. You wished you could carry those baggages for him, let you take all the heavy weight the world throws him and for once so he could lift his head up and see just how much his music positively change people for good. It's the least he deserves.

But no. That wasn't how the world treated Yoongi and try all you might to take all the hits before it reaches him, the only thing you could really do was offer assurance and hope he does listen to you—not because you're his friend or workmate, but because even for just a moment, just a sliver, he believes it too.

"You know they will," you replied with a smile, hand outstretched to pat him on the back. Your hands lingered, itching to pull him in for a hug just like you always had when you were sixteen and he often came home defeated after submitting his demo to a recording studio. It was another reason you believe Yoongi deserves what he has now and even more.

Feeling like you waited a second too awkward, you pull your hand away and reach for the bottle instead. This is the new routine for your group when one or the other got a bit too pensive, down the thought with a bitter shot of whiskey. No hugs and no more crying on the kitchen floors.

But your arms yearned for Yoongi. You wanted to wrap him around your arms, twice if possible. Words of affirmation and compliments are ready to roll out of your tongue.

-

"You ready?" Yoongi asks as he locks his seatbelt.

This getaway was his idea. A present, he says, for beating the deadline and gaining back more time to rest.

"I was born ready," you lamely replied with a grin. "I got your favorite records queued on my playlist. Now where are we heading?"

"You'll see," he teases, winking your way.

While on the outside you mastered rolling your eyes as you pretend to be disgusted at him, deeply, you're trying not to fawn at the sight. Yoongi had always been adorable even when he was annoying—it evened things out. Then came puberty and suddenly he shaped up to be the man of your dreams. It didn't help that as you grew together, so did your bond. He became your person and you became his.

But with the bond came barriers. Even with your soul-crushing yearning for him, to be with him, you knew you couldn't cross the line. You knew you would get along, tried and tested by the time, but it's his stature now that makes you step back.

You knew Yoongi. If you, his childhood friend and producer suddenly confesses to him, whether he feels the same way or not, it would put him in a difficult position. You truly love and care for him, which is why you were not about to add yourself to the list of things that keeps him awake at night.

You needed to stop being greedy. This was enough, what you have is enough—an unbreakable friendship. This way, you could always protect and assure him. Keep him safe from himself and the world.

Besides, whenever you thought about dating Yoongi, you laugh at how incredulous it was. You knew Yoongi, but you don't know what you would do if you were dating a superstar.

-

"I can't believe you were able to rent this place. I didn't even know they still rented it out." To say you were amazed was an understatement. When Yoongi said it was a surprise, he really meant it was a surprise. For some reason money, the owner of the cabin you frequented to as kids was open again for booking. Or that's what you initially thought. It was only when Yoongi told you that they still don't did you realize that he was able to do so because of his status.

"Do you think they still have the log at the back with our names etched?" With a child-like wonder, you race Yoongi to the back of the house, both of you giggling like you were nine again.

"Still here," he muses. His lithe fingers tracing the indents of your names, albeit it was covered with moss and almost illegible, you both knew it was your names on the wood. “I remember you taking a bark from this tree and keeping it in that box of yours,” his giggles a clear sign of amusement and a hint of teasing. He always made fun of you for keeping “useless trash”—as he calls it. How bittersweet, you think. If he knew how most of those trinkets you kept are from moments you shared, would he still think the same?

“Well, I’ll have you know that I still have that box and everything in it,” you smugly retort. He can make fun of it all he wants, you were sentimental that way.

“Seriously?” He sounded surprised. “I thought you got rid of those by now. I mean you kept a rabbit’s foot, for fucks sake. Must be one hell of a smell when you open your oh-so-precious box.”

You stand with a huff and he follows. “It’s a stuffed rabbit foot.” You hear him hum in mocking agreement as you both enter the house. “Plus, you gave it to me. For luck.” You smile at the memory. Nevermind that despite holding on to it for years—during your internships, job interviews, and every life-deciding moment, you never felt luck was on your side. But Yoongi was. For every mishap at your internship, he comforted you; he recommended you as a freelancer to where he was and even your job now, it was Yoongi’s doing. At some point, you thought holding on to that rabbit foot meant holding on to him. As if keeping the stuffed foot in your pocket guarantees that Yoongi stays beside you. But when you realized how selfish and greedy you were becoming—wanting more of him, you returned the toy to your box. Yet, Yoongi stayed and it was a relief, but at the same time it scared you.

Even until now.

“You’re making dinner, right?”

“Always,” his reply coming instantaneously and so does his quip. “You might burn the kitchen down.”

-

You think you've never seen him this happy in a long time.

Head thrown back as he laughs at your embarrassing encounters, the sound of his hearty giggles reverberates around the room. It's worth it to see him light up again, even at your own expense. If he gets to keep that light, carefree aura on him, you would willingly stand at the center stage and do silly things for his amusement.

He deserves all the happiness and love in the world, you believe so.

“Remember that American producer we worked with?” Yoongi refills your cup with whiskey as you hum in agreement and a sudden wave of remembrance washes over you.

“He was a real asshole, throwing you under the bus like that,” you speak with bitterness and contempt of the man. “But I’m glad management saw through him and got what he deserved.”

“Y/N, I know what you did. And I never got to thank you because I was so embarrassed, but…” Yoongi trails off. His eyes suddenly too shy to meet yours. But Yoongi knew.

He knew what you did for him—almost risking your own job to out a coworker, going out on a limb, all because of that one time he pointed his fingers at Yoongi when they couldn’t meet the deadline for a song, making him feel incompetent and overcompensate, up to the point that he still overworked himself despite being sick and to the brink of hospitalization.

“Oh,” You down the shot, buying yourself time to think of a reply. “I did what anyone would have done knowing the situation.” You reach for the bottle to pour yourself more drink when Yoongi snatches it out of your reach.

“No. Not anyone would have done that. People knew but they kept quiet, but you—like always, you stuck by me. Even risking your career.”

Of course, I did. I love you. You come first before everything else. You deserve more than I can give and this was the least I could do. I would walk barefoot on burning coals and swim across an ocean if it meant giving you what you deserve.

“Of course, I did.” You smirk—your loop-sided smile an attempt to ease the sudden discomfort you feel because Yoongi is looking at you.

Yoongi looks at you with glassy eyes, the one that makes him irresistible at the same time compels you to bubble-wrap him to keep him away from the sharp edges of this world. He looks at you like you hung the moon and stars in the night sky that he very much loves. You know that look because you caught yourself having that same expression when he’s singing.

But you have to keep boundaries. You already feel guilty for thinking about what-ifs and if-onlys.

What if we were just two regular people? Both nobodies, would it be easier to give in to these feelings?

What if we risked everything? Would the reward be as great as this persistent temptation?

If only you weren't so far away.

If only you were mine before the world took claim of you.

What if I was yours and you were mine?

Unsaid words hoping to be conveyed through a look. You can’t take it. You could be wrong. That look could mean differently and so you divert.

“That’s what friends are for, right?” Your tone and indignation on the word friends not lost to both of you. You almost grimace at how obvious that was.

Yoongi stares at you, blinks and gulps. “Yep, that’s what friends are for.”

He refills your glasses and raises his own. “To being good friends until the end.”

You haven’t drank the whiskey yet, but your throat burns as you swallow the words. “To being good friends.”

[nomoreusername]

Who To Trust (Part 1)

Pairing: Minho x female reader

Summary:When a random group of people come tumbling through Aris's and your room you and one person immediately start to clash.

Aris and I had been here for hours. Because the other room with girls has been full I had to sleep in what was supposed to be for only guys. While I couldn't help but feel annoyed it was kind of good. Besides, after everything that we went though I doubt being alone was a good idea. Because even if a lot of us did want to kill him (and maybe even attempt) trust had been earned, and it all worked out. Well, for some of us. One of those people was me so I guess there could be things worse than having Aris as a roommate.

Still, being stuck in a new place while staring at a ceiling was no fun. Even though we knew the other was awake we didn't speak a word. Not that I expected him to. He wasn't the most chatty person, and when he was you had to initiate the conversation and prove you didn't want his head on a stick. While I had done one of those, talking right now seemed pointless.

"Do you think that there's blood on our hands?"He suddenly whispered.

"I don't know, man. Probably,"I shrugged.

"Oh gee. Thanks,"He deadpanned.

"Did you want me to lie?"I sighed.

"Yeah. Maybe a little bit,"He admitted.

"And say what?"I huffed.

"I don't know, man. Maybe 'No, Aris. Everything that happened is normal, and none of these deaths are our fault' sounds like a good thing,"He suggested.

"That's stupid. I mean you definitely have the most. Why deny it?"I scoffed.

"Maybe so I don't feel like the worst person to exist?"

"You're not, but that doesn't mean you're not guilty. Don't get me wrong. I think that you're chill, but that doesn't erase your past. Nothing can. All anyone can do is look forward and hope nobody else dies."

"Your realism sucks,"He complained.

"Your need for people to lie to your face is unhealthy,"I shrugged.

"Whatever, man. I'm going to the bathroom,"He grumbled, tossing the sheets off and walking the few feet away. Bored out of my mind and realizing attempting to sleep was pointless, I sat on the floor when he shut the door and started doing curl ups. That way I could forget everything for a little bit. That was my unhealthy way of coping. Pretending everything that goes on in my life is normal and not traumatic. I just say something like "damn bro, that sucked" and get on with life.

Banishing your friend to certain death and then some?

"Damn bro, that sucked."

Watching people you care about die and knowing you were too slow to save them?

"Damn bro, that sucked."

Running through a Maze and feeling like a failure when you returned with nothing new?

"Damn bro, that sucked."

Sort of wishing it would all be over and you didn't have to wake up?

"Damn bro, that really sucks."

Fueled by this, I kept doing my work out. As I was finally pushing everything away there was loud, irritating banging on the door. Ignoring it, I chose to lie flat on my back and do absolutely nothing. What are they gonna do? Break the door down.

"Teresa! Teresa! are you there?!"some dude shouted. Still unmoving on the ground, I closed my eyes as I put my face flat on the cold, hardwood floor. It was kind of nice. If these dumbasses would stop hitting the door I would be at peace.

That was just too much to ask for though as it literally came off of its hinges. Rolling my eyes, I looked up to see some Asian boy with nice, black hair, a compression shirt to flex his muscles, and flawless skin that I was sort of jealous of, just standing there.

Coming out right at time to see whatever this was, the sink turned on and off before Aris walked off.

"We got company,"I sighed, looking at him. He looked back and just shrugged.

"So who are you?"I asked the strangers.

"Us? Who are you two?"the boy I had noticed first asked.

"Why should we tell you? For all we know you could be working for WICKED,"I pointed out, sitting on my bed.

"Maybe you're working for WICKED,"He shot back. I just rolled my eyes for what was way too many times and leaned against the ladder.

"We are just two people. You are a group of people. Some of you have too much sass as well,"I added, raising an eyebrow at him.

"Don't judge me. You don't even know me,"the boy snapped.

"Wow. Hypocritical much?"I scoffed.

"I don't like you or trust you,"The boy scowled.

"Ouch. My poor emotions. It's a good thing that the feeling is more than mutual."

"This isn't going to end well,"Aris mumbled.

"What gave it away? The way they're immediately accusing us of being evil?"I asked.

"Yeah. Something like that."

"Thanks for acknowledging our presence,"a boy with a bit of an accent mumbled. I stared at him to see that he was tall with shoulder length, blonde hair, brown eyes, and and expression that showed he was done with this. Did he think that we weren't?

"So Aris, you're a guy,"I started.

"Thanks. I didn't notice,"He deadpanned.

"Tell me, are all guys an inconvenience to girls lives or do I just have bad luck?"

"I don't know. I don't remember jack about basically anything."

"Do you know anything?"

"Bold thing to say for someone who's constantly asking questions."

"Like I did five minutes ago? Guess I have a terrible memory because I swear that was you."

"Can you two chill on your weird conversation and tell us who you are?"a boy with an acne ridden face asked.

"What are you gonna do if we don't? Slam us against a wall?"

"Maybe I will,"the Asian boy scoffed.

"Kinky."

"For the love of-that was a threat Y/N,"Aris groaned.

"I was kind of hoping it was a promise. Some messed up love confession that could end with me elbowing him."

"You two, you both suck,"He scowled, storming off.

"Nice to meet you too, love. If only your personality matched your nice face,"I yelled. Because I love being a menace to people who deserve it, and he definitely does from accusing Aris and I of being bad.

[weneverlearn]

Kurt Bloch: An Awesome Guy Who Awesome People Like

Rocking with the Fastbacks and recording all your favorite bands since 1979

Fastbacks, 1988; Kurt Bloch far left, Gumby t-shirt

“There truly is something about inspiration and enthusiasm that really is inspiring and enthusiastic!” - Kurt Bloch

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By: Eric Davidson

I’ve been thinking a lot about joy of late. Like pure, eyes-to-the-sky, skipping down the street joy. There is a paucity of it around right now.

We could follow a zillion trails to and from how we got here, but this is ostensibly a music blog, so I’m going to make a quick stab at the roots of this unenviably joyless position we’re sitting in, rock-wise.

The Fastbacks were joyful. Starting out in 1979 in the dawning days of Seattle’s punk scene, they became a local fave on the basis of action-packed shows stuffed with careening pop hooks, irked energy, and a friendly, guffaw around onstage demeanor that didn’t exactly scream “pre-hardcore era.”

Fastbacks retreated for a few years, circa 1988, and when kicked back into gear a couple years later, found themselves being a preferred opener for a load of grumpy grunge bands who I’m guessing hoped to absorb some of the Fastbacks positive energy to counteract their mope – which the Fastbacks were more than ready to supply.

A mélange of metal volume, fleeting bouts of prog whimsy, Ramones tempos, and BubbleYum stickiness, the Fastbacks created a  singular sound. Like most great bands, they never fit into any particular zeitgeist – too raggedy for the pop punk contingent, too peppy for the grunge trend, they nonetheless retained a respected status among bands who appreciated their consistently grabby tunes and fun live show.

Despite any remaining expectations of what “success” was supposed to be, by the turn of the millennium the Fastbacks became that precious thing – one of those awesome bands that awesome bands like.

It should be noted that, while grunge soon gained a definition as a downer genre (that has taken root since), Bloch and company palled around with that Seattle scene from the get-go, and knew many of them as fun rocker kids just trying their best to get through seven months of rain by rocking. 

The Fastbacks kept careening forward right through the ‘Alternative Rock” era that ignored all the fun underground garage punk and instead painted rock as increasingly dreary and grievance-based. The early 2000s came, and the Fastbacks took their leave.

They’ve recently gotten back together for occasional reunion shows. Always holding them together throughout their stop/start whirlwind of a career was ace guitarist/producer and philosophical center of the band, Kurt Bloch.

Bloch, who began his career as a recording studio whizz with Fastbacks, never stopped twiddling the knobs for lots of your favorite bands and/or underrated acts. We checked in with him on his ongoing mission to bring fun to the fringes despite the mainstream consistently choosing incorrectly.   

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Kurt Bloch, rockin', 1990 (Fuck the NRA. I will assume Kurt's t-shirt here was de rigueur '90s irony.)

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What was the first album you loved; and what was the first album you loved because of its production?

Good question, hard to answer. I think it was 45s and AM radio that got me going on recording qualities, how loud some of the great hits of the early-’70s sounded. How some records sounded like they were a band playing inside your head. I think I was aware of EQ and compression sounds early on, how the drum fills would sort of obliterate everything behind it on some songs. How the guitar would be so loud in the breaks. How, if the record didn’t have enough treble, it would be unexciting; if there was too much then it’d sound wimpy.

Then getting into albums, and FM radio, you’d listen to Larks’ Tongues In Aspic or Dark Side Of The Moon, and they had this spacious quality that was rad; the Scorpions’ Fly To The Rainbow was right in your face, really up-front and close. Then, going to see bands live, we’d see the coliseum style shows – that was so cool, but then getting to see bands in smaller spaces where you could hear the amps on stage, and feel the sound pressure in the room –now that was a mind-opener. You could feel the Marshalls and the actual sound coming off of the stage.

Then when punk bands started playing, that’s when it started getting interesting. You know, like I just saw this killer band that sounded so great at the show, and their record sounds like a bowlful of shit. Why?! That leads to one-track, two-track, four-track tape recorders, and each time you record something, you have a whole book of revelations of what to do and what not to do. So many great recordings from that early punk era without a bunch of reverb. It was another revelation. A lot of those early digital reverbs that everyone had, I just hated that fake trebly, scritchy sound. Rather just not use any reverb than that icky sound.

How did the Fastbacks form?

Kim and Lulu were high school friends of ours, The Cheaters was our neighborhood band; only lasted a couple years but they were good ones! When that band disintegrated on-stage, there was still band gear in my parents’ basement. Kim (Warnick, bass/vocals) had been in a band, The Radios, and Lulu (Gargiulo) wanted to play guitar and sing. Somehow my parents didn’t put a stop to it all, so we started playing a couple times a week. Not saying we got good, but we got better.

How long before you felt you had locked into the Fastbacks’ sound?

I reckon whatever “sound” we had was pretty well established early on; it was just whatever we wanted to do. Of course we loved the punk bands of the era first and foremost, but also the ’60s and ’70s pop music we grew up with; and the hard rock bands of the ’70s too! And I always was a fan of the wonderful arrangements and sound of the ’70s prog bands, once I started writing most of the songs, these things would creep in.

Live, 1986

I have this romantic vision of Kim Warnick as a long-haired rocker teen crashing parties and such. Is that correct?

Ha ha ha!! We were all pretty good (bad?) at crashing parties, some of the shit we did makes me wince thinking of it all. But it was 1977, ‘78; things were different back then, a different kind of boredom ran rampant through kids’ minds back then. There was a real disdain for society, maybe not to the degree of the UK bands at the time, but still there nonetheless. Often there was nothing to do other than the proverbial let’s go fuck shit up. And the music was such a part of all that.

So you got a story about something back then that would make you wince now?

Back when we were teenagers in The Cheaters, we would go to pretty desperate lengths to create excitement. The Cheaters singer, Scott Dittman, was maybe the funniest person I’ve ever known, and often in our search for something to do, he would drive a car full of us down to the frats at the University Of Washington. We’d go crash frat parties, rarely did we fit in unnoticed. You’d grab some keg cups and try to hang out, usually immediately, “Would you please leave.” And that didn’t often sit well with Scott. If we were going to “please leave” then we would not leave without exacting some sort of a toll. I guess we could run pretty fast, or we would’ve got our asses kicked pretty well back then. Somehow a few weeks later we’d go back to the same frat house that had a bookcase upended or a row of bikes knocked over, and lo and behold, the same thing would happen again. Of course we were never hired to play any frat parties.

Scott also loved to fight. He took boxing lessons and was always trying to teach us how to fight too. You knew when the gloves came out it was time to find something else to do. “Come on, you just gotta keep your guard up.” (smash smash smash) “You said you weren’t gonna hit us in the face.” Yeah right.

The Cheaters and The Accident (another erstwhile punk outfit) set up a show at a non-punk bar, somewhere down by Olympia. This would’ve been 1979 maybe. There were no roadmaps for like-minded or “friendly” places to play, outside of the major cities. But we were trying to do something, anything, and our double bill got the booking. This bar had a dance floor that also was used for bar fighting. There must have been some sort of organization to the fights, but it was sanctioned bar fighting. No-one was on the dance floor or anywhere near it when we started, so Scott tried to solicit a fight or two during our set. This was unfriendly territory, we were all, “Stop this nonsense!” But once you told Scott not to do something, well he was going to double down of course. Fortunately no one took him up on his offers, and we got out unscathed, but the bar owner took me into his office at the end of the night and gave me a rundown on what we needed to do to become successful in the music business, and the first thing was to get rid of that singer.

1978

First Fastbacks show, February, 1980 – any memories of it?

Oh, totally! The first Fastbacks show, it was at a rec center in a quiet neighborhood, it was three bands: The Vains, Psychopop, and The Fastbacks. We were all friends, and it was all three bands’ first shows. Very ramshackle, but we cobbled together a sound system, someone had a few lights, everyone brought what they had, and the show went on. A little rough around the edges, but the power didn’t go out, no cops were called, nothing was ruined – an early triumph for sure.

Was the power pop zeitgeist of that time a thing for Fastbacks? Did you feel a part of it?

No! For sure the New Wave was hitting strong at that point, but we were certainly not embraced by the new wavers at all. I suppose for that first year, we were pretty terrible, but we had some friends and people who wanted to give us a chance. Getting Duff (McKagan – yes, that one from Guns ‘N Roses) to play drums was the first step into making the band more listenable, but we were still a long ways off of what the general public would consider valuable music. We got kicked off of a show after our first set (of two). “That’s okay, you guys don’t have to play another set.” And I was all, “What do you mean we don’t have to?!” Oh, I get it.

Then when the hardcore bands cropped up, we were pals with some of them, but we weren’t furious enough for them really. I recall some sort of fury at a DOA/The Fartz/Fastbacks show. It required some foresight, which many didn’t possess, to support any kind of music that wasn’t 100% punk. Conversely, the proper power pop bands, well, we were a little too power and not enough pop, I reckon. We wanted to be that, but it’d take a bit still to hone those chops.

Had Duff McKagen played in any band before that?

Duff was the bass player in The Vains, who played that Laurelhurst Rec Center show. That was his first show. He must’ve been 15, barely 16?

Did he exhibit behaviors that would later align with Guns ‘N Roses’ infamous lifestyle?

We were still pretty reeled-in at that point, no one really even got plastered, no one started doing drugs yet. Might’ve been some Budweisers around, but nothing stronger yet.

Guns 'N Roses 2nd show, 1985

Got any Vains stories, recollections of a show, or the general scene from whence they came/played? Was there a good raw, original punk scene in Seattle in late '70s? I'm aware of Soldier and some other bands, but I wanna get it from the horse’s mouth.

The Vains only played three, maybe four shows total. In the late ’70s into early ’80s it was pretty hard to keep something going if you were any sort of impatient. Most bands never got the chance to play enough to iron out any difficulties, or taste any sort of real success. Lots of arguing over what direction to take, stick to your punk rock guns, and play to a rental hall of your friends; or try to get “jobs” in the bars, which would mean being stricken with the “cover band” tag, which was NOT punk.

1978

The Enemy worked the hardest, yet still couldn’t crack the code in 1979. The Telepaths, The Blackouts, The Lewd – everyone broke up, or moved away and then broke up. The Fartz made a pretty good go of it, but even they sorta morphed into Ten Minute Warning, and then morphed into an art band… The Silly Killers stayed pretty punk. The Living ripped it up for their short lifespan. But they were all in that 1982 dilemma, you can almost see a line in the sand, drawn in the summer of 1982. Not a lot of bands made it across that line that summer.

The Enemy live, 1980

If I remember it was some sort of divine intervention that The Fastbacks reconvened in 1983 to fire it up again, it was nearly the end of the line. But it was also clearly a new beginning, a new lease on life, a new crop of kids started bands in those Metropolis years; the Metropolis was a new all-ages venue that I would consider the petri dish of the next bundle of bands.

As the ‘80s took hold and punk rock hall shows were sort of the only stage for many of our bands, after a couple years of not getting to any sort of next level, it was clear that there needed to be a re-grouping of some sort. We’d see our friends’ bands get actual paying gigs in bars – if they were non-punk sounding. Of course many of the punk bands went to the dark side of ’80s metal. Everyone was looking to do something that could “go somewhere.”

Somewhere right in that 1982 corridor, drugs started flourishing, stupidity set in. Duff came with us Fastbacks as a “roadie” in 1984 down to L.A., and when we came back I reckon he moved to L.A. to escape that whole rigamarole. No one was getting anywhere here anyway. A bold move at that time, at the advanced age of 20!

1987

Word is Fastbacks have had between 12 and 20 drummers. Short of naming every single drummer, are there a few you’d like to point to as having had a particularly interesting stint; or who went on to other bands?

Gosh, all the Fastbacks drummers had something great about them. There were a few who only did one show. I publicly apologize to those who didn’t last. Those were strange times. I don’t think there are any unsolved mysteries in the Fastbacks drummer world, Dan Peters, who recorded a couple songs with us but no shows, Tad Hutchison, and Tom Hendrikson, who each did one show…. Some convoluted moments for sure, and all killer drummers!

Do you think if you would have remained drummer for Fastbacks that you would have still gotten into production?

Yeah, I think the fascination with recording was parallel to the live playing side of things, it was always there in my constitution. Wanting to learn, wanting to figure out how to make records that captured how killer bands sounded. It was such a tall order back then. Seemed like the old guard [engineers] didn’t “get it,” or were prohibitively expensive; and so many of the others didn’t sound kickass like we wanted. Of course this comes from the actual band, first and foremost; that is learned the hard way! But if the band blazes at their show, it seemed that their records should sound blazing too, but that wasn’t often the case.

1988

1989

From what I remember, the Fastbacks rep was that of the favorite local band of all the Seattle bands, and hence got on as openers for bands who would soon get huge during that whole grunge thing…

Pretty hard to say from the inside view. We had the unfortunate hurdle of being broken up from late-1988 till mid-1990. A lot of opportunity probably squandered during those times. But, unlike anyone else I can think of, we did get a second chance via Sub Pop, and another decade of rock. I know we were quite lucky in that department. We never did gigs large or small with Nirvana, Soundgarden, sort of the class of ’89. We did share a slightly miserable practice space with Green River and later Mother Love Bone. Always pals with those cats, so we did do opening stints with Pearl Jam in 1996, all around the world.

What was miserableness about it?

Oh man, that place… It was in a basement in Pioneer Square, the old, original downtown Seattle. The Great Seattle Fire devastated downtown in like 1889, and they rebuilt the city on top of the old city, one floor higher. So our basement was on the level with the old, original city; some rooting around could be done. There was no bathroom or running water down there, so you had to go to the bar a block away to use the facilities, but often you just couldn’t be bothered. In the space next to ours, it was a smashed up, decrepit old room that we moved all the garbage from our side into. No lighting of any sort, so it was all flashlights if you had them, and filling up bottles of pee and putting them where ever we could find room.

But of course we raged supreme down there, some epic parties, bands playing, and whatnot; of course no water or facilities, but grand times in the ’80s. Somehow, I ended up being in charge of paying rent, not the best job for me to take on. It meant tracking down Andrew Wood once a month and trying to get him to pay his share of their rent. First it was Malfunkshun, and Green River was there too. We might’ve blown up before Mother Love Bone started? I think I remember Green River blowing up too, after their California trek; it would’ve been not too long after that that The Fastbacks unceremoniously imploded. But for a while it was definitely a rager.

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Nifty, random link I stumbled on with some cool early Fastbacks fliers, stories, and live stuff.

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1992

While you didn't play with the "biggies" of the scene as much as I thought, got any early Nirvana or Soundgarden tale of any sort you'd like to share?

Our fabled practice basement was just a couple blocks from The Central, a venue that was sort of home base for a lot of stuff. The Vogue as well, it was on the north end of downtown, we were on the south end. Many people had keys to the place, so it was not surprising to duck in between sets at The Central, to have cheap beers or whatnot. I first saw Soundgarden at The Central, and they were certainly mind-blowing. Would’ve been ’87? Quickly became a favorite Seattle band, and when their first 7” came out, my roommates hated me. I had a tendency to play those 45’s over and over and over again. But they played The Central a lot, and just got better and better, heavier and heavier. I remember the first time they played “Beyond The Wheel”, it was at the Vogue. I was standing next to Mark Arm and we looked at each other and just said FUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHH…

The first Nirvana show I saw was also at the Vogue, it was maybe not the greatest Nirvana show, but man I thought that singer was amazing. Shortly after, Jon Poneman (Sub Pop co-founder) was at the bar there and said, “If you buy me a coffee now, I’ll give you a 45 tomorrow that will change your life.” An easy proposition. Sub Pop HQ was half a block away, he gave me a “Love Buzz” 45, and once again, the roommates had a reason to hate. I must’ve played that record 100 times in a row. Might’ve taken them a bit to find their pummeling style, but man they sure did. Then after Bleach had been out a while, all the rumors of major label this and major label that… So exciting and weird.

Who is a favorite Seattle “grunge era” band you really dug and maybe didn’t get the recognition you think it deserved? Mine are the Derelicts and Zipgun.

Of course! Pure Joy, Flop, H-Hour, the Meices – wait they were actually from SF… Huge Spacebird, Once For Kicks…. Have you got an hour or so?!

I know you are no doubt tired of this question, but do you have a late ‘80s/early ‘90s story or show that happened where you thought, “Damn, this Seattle scene thing is getting some real attention? This is fucking weird.”

After the Fastbacks blew up in 1988, I started playing with the Young Fresh Fellows, and we were off and running pretty hard right away. Certainly a parallel path from the Seattle Grunge Explosion, but a decent path it was! I was pals with Jon and Bruce (Pavitt) at Sub Pop when they started, so I’d go hang out at their early HQ/distributor place downtown. It was amazing to see some of these bands blow up when they did.

Young Fresh Fellows, 1989; Kurt Bloch far right

I suppose the thing that sealed it for me was listening to the advance cassette of Nevermind on a Young Fresh Fellows trip. Scott McCaughey had been assigned to review it for local music rag, The Rocket, and I nabbed it from him on a trip out East. It totally blew my doors wide open. Already having been a superfan since that “Love Buzz” 45, and seeing a couple of the shows they did here before going out to record that album, then hearing it for the first time on headphones; then as our tour progressed, seeing the record just going ballistic at every record store, it was just crazy. It never stopped getting bigger and bigger. This is so fucking weird!

Strange feeling of seeing a local band you saw shlubbing around town or peeing next to them at a dive, to hearing them play in a grocery store in Nevada, or whatever....

Soundgarden was the first one I remember blowing up. They went from Sub Pop to SST to A&M – they sorta seemed to have their shit together pretty well. Alice In Chains were kinda off our radar, they were only on the Rock radio stations; it wasn’t until their second album that I noticed that they actually were killer. But Nirvana, they were crazy cool from the get-go, not in the FM Rock station sort of way, but the punk underground sort of way. Plus I didn’t really know them at the beginning, so there was way more mystery about them. A couple legendary Seattle club shows before they went off to start Nevermind; the OK Hotel first playing of “Smells Like Teen Spirit,” we were just transfixed – What the fuck is this?! Then the Off Ramp show, they went on really late, and got cut off right before 2am. Somehow the club picked up the empties and let the band play on into the night, and what a show it was. Then… nothing.

Didn’t really hear anything from Nirvana ‘til the advance cassette of Nevermind went out, and of course thinking, if I like this so much, it’s probably never gonna go anywhere. Wrong. It was like a slow ball of fire, radio then record stores, like every record store playing it, every magazine… It would’ve made you hate a lesser band, but it really was great so there was a sense of pride attached to it all. Finally something we loved is big. But then how big? There seemed to be no end to it. It was everywhere. And so weird to think that kids dug something that was blazing and amazing.

Were you defacto producer of Fastbacks from the get-go of recording?

Oh for sure. Not by strong-arming anyone, but just because there was no money, and no one else could be bothered! Our first 45 was with Neil Hubbard and Jack Weaver, as we were doing a song for a Seattle comp LP, and as per the usual, just recorded some extra songs in our allotted time. The first EP was Peter Barnes, drummer for The Enemy, killer Seattle band and very much an inspiration to all the bands in the late-’70s in Seattle. Then after that, it was trial by fire.

Can you tell me more about The Enemy, and their local import?

The Enemy pretty much initiated the punk “scene” in Seattle. There were a few bands, but they started a club, it was all ages, March, 1978. Otherwise it would’ve been hall shows, but The Bird brought everyone together. Originally only open for a few months, but there were shows there every Friday and Saturday, it really did give us something to do.

My first band, The Cheaters, might not have actually played anywhere if not for them. We could have languished in my parents’ basement forever if not for being stopped by The Enemy members at a Ramones show: “Hey! Are you guys in a band? Would you want to play at our club we’re opening up in a few months?” Of course we said yes, we didn’t tell them that we were just barely a band, we’d never actually played a show, nor would we maybe ever had if not for their offer. We were just teenagers, my brother Al was still in High School. But they took us in and let us play shows. The drummer, Peter Barnes, filled in for a night our real drummer couldn’t play.

Everyone knew each other, when it was time to record what was to be The Fastbacks’ first EP, Peter volunteered to be our producer. He figured out how to get cool, kickass sounds and make things happen. No one had any money or experience so it had to be on a budget, but he made it happen. The record turned out great. “In America” was on the commercial new wave station, we thought we had it made!

I thought I knew what to do, to various degrees of success. Conrad Uno at Egg Studio did much of our first album. He was wise beyond words and also a great teacher. After that LP was finished he was all, “You can do all this, I think, I’ll be back at the end of the night to close up!” Then it seemed like the right avenue. So many producers seemed like they just wanted to add stuff in order to have their presence be felt. I always felt, like – what is the least amount of stuff we can have on here to make it happen? Less stuff, but louder. Certainly not against adding things, but also happy to leave things out as much as possible. Always loved the one-guitar bands that didn’t double everything all the time. Makes you think a little harder about what you’re doing.

1994

Okay, I will name a band, and you give me the first thing that comes to mind when you think of your production gigs with them:

Presidents of the U.S.A.

We’d do several takes of any given song, as the band was learning them, Chris (Ballew, singer) would play his two-string bass flawlessly every take, and sing a scratch vocal that could’ve been used as the keeper. Never a mistake, never less than killer every time.

Robyn Hitchcock

Also just an amazing music machine. Put him in an iso booth with a mic for vocal and one for acoustic guitar. He’d show the band a new song and go into the booth, sometimes it would just be one take and they’d nail it, with the lead vocal included. Never a lyric sheet in sight. A brain that truly works overtime. Peter Buck playing his 12-string on a song that he had just heard, and plays flawlessly the first time. Great Peter quote: “I like to get things right.” Indeed!

Fastbacks

Ha!! Some of the recording we’ve done astounds me to this day. It’s like any idea we had, we’d just do it. I swear, no one ever said, “Are you sure this is a good idea?” Listening back to the early ’90s recordings, there truly is something about inspiration and enthusiasm that really is inspiring and enthusiastic! Some of that music is pretty weird, even some songs that I wrote, I can’t imagine where they came from. I know we did them and all, but what was the impetus, where did they come from?!

Nashville Pussy

Another tale of just trying not to ruin a band that sounded killer. Amazing to think that they all fit in the tiny live room at Egg for that first album. The sheer volume of air pressure in there was unbelievable. A perfect example of what we’d set out to do, just try to not let the recording process get in the way of the recording. And nominated for a Grammy! I went with them to the Awards show – limo, booze, and afterparties. We were scheming all the horrible things that we’d say when we won the award, who we were gonna thank, who we were gonna blame. Of course there’s no way we’d win, they barely could say the name of the band when reading off the nominees! But what an experience. So many laughs.

Mudhoney

Five Dollar Bob’s Mock Cooter Stew (Reprise, 1993) doesn’t get enough props. I think it’s a great record. I really tried to make each song sound different and killer in its own way. Dan Peters (drummer) is always dishing out the quality.

Young Fresh Fellows

It’s easy to work quickly with a band you’re in. You kind of already know what’s going to happen, you know how to set up since you’ve already seen what works and what doesn’t over the last decade or two. We had intended to record maybe four or five songs for Tiempo De Lujo. Somehow we’d crammed all four of us in the basement here; after the two days we’d recorded twelve band tracks – so an album it was! Toxic Youth as well. We’d gone over to Jim Sangster’s living room to learn a few songs before starting recording the next day, and once we got going, they just kept coming and coming. When inspiration strikes, keep the tape rolling!

Can you describe Conrad Uno's Egg Studios; the kind of size or situation you were dealing with? Was there like a famous recording board there you worked with?

Egg Studio, where I and others honed their chops, was a welcome alternative to the “normal” studios of the time. It was truly a basement studio, the performance room was smaller than an ordinary living room. Many bands’ rehearsal spaces were larger than this. But it really did have a relaxed feel to it, and loud bands could all set up in the room and play live and get a good sound. Mudhoney, Nashville Pussy, Supersnazz, Devil Dogs, Supersuckers, Zeke – it was home base for so many great albums.

Conrad Uno moved into the house in maybe 1987, I reckon we finished Fastbacks …And His Orchestra there; and by early 1988, we began Very Very Powerful Motor, then the Sub Pop 7” and Zücker sessions. It began as an 8-track studio. Conrad brought in the Spectrasonics console that was formerly at Stax/Volt studio – rumored to once be owned by Paul McCartney, under whose purview a varispeed knob was installed. The knob remains, it’s Paul’s Knob. The console is now at Crackle And Pop studio here in Seattle, and is working better than ever.

Before Mudhoney began their third album, Piece of Cake, their second at Egg, they bought a 16-track machine for the studio, and that was the classic setup for so many records there in the ‘90s.

1996

I personally would love to hear about making the classic Devil Dogs album, Saturday Night Fever (Crypt/Sympathy for the Record Industry, 1994). Whose idea was it to make it kind of like a party, with friends and fans whopping it up in the studio between songs?

It was their idea from the beginning to make it a party album, “You have been invited… to a party!” Another band that didn’t need any fancy fussing about, they already sounded like a house on fire. Just tried to record them and not get in the way, make sure that the playback sounded like it did in the room with them.

Definitely the last night of the session, they invited all their Seattle friends over for a party, and we played the songs from the album through twice, if I remember, and just had a mic in the room while they were going. All the bottles clinking and all the blabbering was totally what happened. There was so little time to get everything done while we were there. They had booked two gigs on recording days – one out of town in Bellingham! Basically it was like wrangling the Three Stooges to record and mix a full album and an EP in like five days. Let’s just say that the morning hours were not particularly productive. But fortunately, when they were on, they were unstoppable. And so fuckin’ funny! What a fucking great record!

Oh yeah, definitely the most hilarious band to tour with too! We did a month with them once in Europe, traveling in the same packed little van. And even the bad hungover mornings in the van drives would lead to so much cracking up. Singer Andy G. sometimes stood up and imitated Tom Jones live. Anyway, can you recall who all was in the “crowd” on that record?

Honestly, I don’t! The studio was in a neighborhood, so all sessions had to be finished by 10pm. I loved the idea of recording a loud listening party and then mixing that in with the album, but it was so precarious to cram a bunch of drunks in the tiny studio and try to not let any gear get ruined, while still egging on loud misbehavior. Then getting all the cats out of there by 10 and not annoying Conrad or his neighbors in the process.

You must have some fun Andy G. stories too.

All three of those guys had their moments! Andy, Steve, Mighty Joe. Someone should’ve given them their own TV series. It might not have lasted very long, but what a show it would’ve been. I’ve never seen a group rile each other up the way they did. Should’ve had a room mic going constantly while they tried to make a group decision. There was way more work than we had time for. Somehow we got it all done, but just barely.

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Crypt Records, 1993

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And here’s where I decided to check in with Devil Dogs drummer, Mighty Joe Vincent, to get some more details on their Bloch party: "So, in the friends crowd [on the Saturday Night Fever album] was Eddie and Dan Bolton from the Supersuckers, James Burdyshaw and the rest of the Sinister Six, and a bunch of really cool women whose names have escaped my memory banks.

We def recorded on the Stax board. I remember because we had hopes that there was some soul residue left in the cables that might coat our tracks.

We totally loved Kurt. What’s not to love? I do remember that it was a Crypt budget recording so we had to make every minute count, so we were mixing until we were all so tired we were delirious. I’m pretty sure we went ‘til 2a.m. or something like that, but that was mixing. We did that in the middle of a tour, so we did about two weeks of gigs from NYC across this great nation of ours as well as that other great nation to our north, then out to Seattle. While we were doing it , we had a gig up in Bellingham, so we took a day off to drive up there.

I remember Scott Mccaughy was working there at Egg. I was talking to him one day and he told me his days of playing out on the road were over as his wife just had a kid and he had to be a good dad and provide a steady paycheck. I really felt bad for him. And then of course, a short time after that, Pete Buck asked him to come on the road with R.E.M. and said he would pay him a million dollars. Like an actual million dollars. That always made me happy to hear."

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And now, back to Kurt Bloch!

Who were bands you liked to tour with? And/or, a classic Fastbacks tour story?

We had some great west coast tours with DOA in the early-to-mid ’80s, they were definitely an early inspiration to go head-on and charge through best you can. They certainly blazed a trail for the rest of us to follow, doing everything themselves, like Black Flag did from Southern California. The ’80s were a rocky road for the Fastbacks. We played a lot of shows in Vancouver, BC, as well as Seattle, but it was a lot of problems and fighting, ha, and it wasn’t until the ’90s that we actually went out for any length of time – certainly getting into occasional serious trouble with The Meices, Motocaster, Gaunt, and even the New Bomb Turks!

Pearl Jam asked you to do some stadium shows in 1995, arguably the peak grunge year. How did you relate to the whole fame/stadium situation surrounding those shows?

It was January ’95, Pearl Jam asked us to play a radio show from their rehearsal space. I kinda didn’t know what they were talking about, and maybe sort of blew it off. I was trying to finish a Sicko record that night, couldn’t be bothered. I did like their Vitalogy record, “Not For You,” “Spin The Black Circle.” The rest of the Fastbacks were all, “C’mon, we’re doing this!” And I grudgingly told Sicko I was going to have to leave early. I didn’t even bring a guitar, I knew that Stone had a cool ‘50s Gold Top, maybe I could use that.

Then of course we get there and it’s really fun, just a big party scene, tons of buddies and band cats. We played three songs on the Pearl Jam gear setup, maybe Kim talked on the radio, drank some beers, great time! That was cool enough, but then they asked us to open a few shows at the end of the year, Salt Lake City and San Jose I think, and we’re all like, “Hell yeah!” And everything went well, then, “Would you want to go do a U.S. tour, oh and maybe a Europe tour following that…?” And we were all, “Hellz yeah!” And that all went great, clearly we would be the next big thing, the world is gonna love us, nothing holding us back now! We had a great record out, New Mansions In Sound (Sub Pop, 1996). Man, that was it – lots and lots of fun, great shows. We invented an auxiliary opening band for some of the shows, The What. We played Who tunes with Eddie Vedder incognito with a wrestling mask. We drag Mike McCready out for jams, Stone Gossard to sing one of his PJ songs, Eddie did “Leaving Here” with us a couple times, just great rock times in the giant venues. Somehow it didn’t lead to us being the Next Big Thing, but it was fun to pretend for a few months.

1994

Any good backstage shenanigans stories?

There weren’t a whole lot of super shenanigans. They had an espresso machine onstage every night, so we’d all slug down coffees, blast through our tunes, and then get drunk and watch Pearl Jam. Sometimes we would annoy their wonderful crew by being loud and boisterous aside of the stage, spilling bottles of wine or whatnot, but not much more than that. Everyone got along really well, and it was well-protected against after show bullies or negativity. We’d just keep on our course, often ‘til the huge sports arena closed down and they’d kick us out after everything had been loaded out – and we’d still be back there cranking tunes and running around.

It was totally like an arena-sized version of a living room party most every night. Their crew moved all the gear, we barely had to do anything except play every night.

I know you knew some of their members from earlier in the scene, but did you know Eddie Vedder before he got asked to join Pearl Jam?

I might not have met Eddie until the live radio show we did? He came up from San Diego. Didn’t know him before then at all, but we were fast friends. We would spend hours talking about the Who and riding around on the catering carts and smashing into the walls of the arenas. Come to think of it, we were probably very annoying. But no one, like, smashed up their hotel rooms or anything. It was probably comparatively tame.

Might sound weird, but while playing in the Seattle scene -- which is generally described as kind of serious, or dark, or junkies, or you know, “grungy” – did you and the Fastbacks feel kind of out-of-place; or are those kind of definitions of grunge and that town/time not correct?

The Seattle “thing” certainly was a dark, serious sound. That isn’t to say that every musician was dark and serious, but that darkness prevailed. To say The Fastbacks felt a little out of place at that point would be correct; but I always thought we were here first. It’s not like we didn’t dig lots of the bands, but it also wasn’t like we would try to take them on at their own game. It just wouldn’t’ve happened. We did do a version of “Swallow My Pride” – Green River’s, not The Ramones – on Sub Pop 200 [compilation], after a Soundgarden version too; but it ended up being menacing only in a Blue Öyster Cult sort of way, rather than ala either previous version. Slow and heavy just wasn’t in our DNA.

Columbus, OH, 1993 (Courtesy of Bela Koe-Krompecher)

I remember when Fastbacks stayed with New Bomb Turks while on tour in 1993, you guys, well I think specifically Lulu, made an amazing Thai meal for us. Did you always cook for bands you crashed with, or just for us ‘cuz we’re so awesome and nice?

Ha. I think the wonderful cooking was a bit of a rarity. We weren’t much of a crash on people’s floor kind of band by the ’90s, but sometimes it was great to have a day off and some good ideas! Remember that Metallica VHS box set had just come out, and we watched it ‘til the end because Lulu and I both worked on the film crew for the shows they filmed in Seattle, and we wanted to see if we, several years after the actual shows, got any credits at the end… and sure enough we did. Reason to celebrate!

Columbus seemed to love you. What were some other fave towns you played?

Always a great time in Columbus. Not necessarily Cleveland though. We weren’t the hard-touring road warriors that a lot of the other (more successful) bands were. It was whatever city we had friends in that were the best. Vancouver BC, San Francisco, L.A., NYC, maybe Albany, Columbus, Istanbul…

Contract and ticket for 1993 Columbus, OH show. (Courtesy of Bela Koe-Krompecher)

Highly technical and professional stage diagram implorations, Columbus, OH, 1993 show (Courtesy of Bela Koe-Krompecher)

I could be wrong, but you didn’t go over to Europe a lot, did you? Were you able to procure any production work from Euro bands you met whilst on tour there?

Oddly, not a lot of Euro tours… Seems like we should’ve done more, but there was always something. Young Fresh Fellows did some great trips, especially in Spain. Fastbacks Spanish tour was a bit of a dog’s breakfast. Not because of the people in Spain, no sir. We certainly lit it up in Japan once, though!

I did a couple albums for Les Thugs, the French band. One of them in Seattle and one in Angers. May have been bookended with some music travel. It’s amazing to look back at the old calendars and see that between tours with the Fastbacks and Young Fresh Fellows, recording with those two bands and recording other bands. Man, there were times when there was nary a day off, those ‘90s months were packed! Gotta consider myself pretty lucky. And so many killer records I got to be part of.

As a producer, do you feel you are mainly bringing an “ear” to finding the sounds the band wants, or do you try to gently impose a certain style and sensibility over the whole production?

Always try to keep the kickass factor high. I would never try to impose anything other than to try to keep everyone happy so they could do their best work, and not do the same bit over and over and over. Work hard and play hard, but not to overanalyze every little thing. Not under-analyze either, but if it’s killer, it doesn’t matter if everything “lines up” perfectly, or if the choruses speed up a little bit. Try to capture what is great about a band live in concert, and not dilute that if you can help it. Don’t add a bunch of crap just to put your mark on a project.

It's interesting how you professed a love for prog, but you had an innate sense of not always overdubbing too much – note your comment about loving bands that only had one guitar, etc.

The true exciting prog bands started coming out around 1968 and ’69, Yes, Genesis, King Crimson, Van Der Graaf Generator; Pink Floyd and Moody Blues had already been around but maybe weren’t quite included. Recording technique at the time was still fairly straightforward for the most part, there was of course room for overdubbing on an eight-track machine, but most of the first-wave prog bands’ recordings were not overloaded with overdubs. The magic was what they did with their four or five musicians, the arrangements you hear on the record were the same instrumentation as they played live. Some of the songs would have been concocted in a studio, but it wasn’t until later that walls of overdubs became commonplace.

That’s where the greatness of the original bands lies – cool vocal arranging and melding several songs’ worth of ideas into one track. Not a lot of room for squirminess either, it wasn’t so easy punching in on a giant eight-track tape machine in 1968. You made one mistake on that verse? You do the whole thing again!

Okay, gotta ask, with as much exposition as you’d like – what was your favorite recording session(s); and worst recording session(s)?

Pretty much always subverted the disasters. A time or two I told a band, after seeing a live show, that they weren’t quite ready to record yet; play a few more shows and practice a lot, record your practices and actually listen to them constructively. Studio time is expensive, practice time is (or at least was) cheap. You don’t have to have every bit of every song nailed down exactly, but do have most everything pretty well figured out, and be ready for criticism during the recording. If the rhythm isn’t working, be prepared to fine-tune your part so it is; if your harmony vocal is a half-step off, go ahead and adjust!

Some of the great sessions are those where I feel that I learned things, a new piece of gear, a new way of looking at things. Overwhelming Colorfast, Supersuckers, Les Thugs in France, The Meices in Florida… Or the records that just slammed out of nowhere. Devil Dogs, Flop, Supersnazz, Nashville Pussy. So many first albums by bands where they have been playing the songs at shows for a year or two, the tempos are up, the blood is pumping, get rid of the headphones and make it like you’re playing a gig. Play the song three times without stopping. Play three different songs in a row without stopping.

1999 (Courtesy of your's truly)

You’re still actively producing. What have you worked on recently you’d like to highlight? And what’s coming up?

There’s always some great Seattle band records going on – Bürien, 38 Coffin, Once For Kicks, Insect Man, The Drolls, Zack Static. These days, some records take a while to finish, I suppose it’s the nature of the business now. Trying now to clean the slate and get these out the door before starting new ones!

And there’s maybe a new Fastbacks coming, no?

There was no plan of any sort. We were having lunch as we sometimes do, and started talking about a couple songs it would be fun to learn and maybe record. Our pal Joe “Meice” Reineke had recently finished an ambitious and fantastic recording building in his back yard; wouldn’t it be fun to check that out….? Well let’s call him and see what his schedule is. Oh! he’s got a day open, whaddayasay, let’s take it. Well there’s a few other songs we could learn, let’s make it two days… I guess we’d better practice… What if we did enough songs for an album? Maybe we did! Got some band tracks, everyone played their butts off! Now we gotta make more magic. No target completion date nor avenue to release, but everyone is excited to finish it!

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Post Script: This article sprung from an editor at a national mag asking if I wanted to do a story on Kurt Bloch, which of course I said yes to cuz Kurt's a great guy and I've been a Fastbacks fan for a goodly spell. But some months passed and plans changed, and so here it is! Also, I would've put more videos in this piece because the Fastbacks have a ton of great songs, but I guess I just learned there is a 10-video limit for a tumblr post. Who knew?

All images courtesy of Kurt Bloch, except where noted.

[saphig-iawn]

Day 11 of Turning me into Me

So in light of yesterday's writing, I discovered a shop that I would never have expected to see in my town. An actual witch shop. I think the owner was out to lunch when I went so I couldn't look inside but I really hope to go in there soon. While I don't practice I've felt great comfort and support around women who practice witchcraft. There is a comfort and warmth those people emanate that I can't help but find myself drawn to them. They present this defiance and nonconformity that resonates with me. I'm not sure if I'd ever practice practice, but there are enough rituals in my life that I probably do but don't realise it. I must admit that getting a cat has made me feel more comfortable in my home so perhaps I am a witch. I'm going to try and see if I can catch them open tomorrow. A good witch needs a good dress after all.

As I was writing this I saw a wonderful post by @mechacringegirl that I reblogged that really resonated with me, so I think its worth me writing about when I knew I was trans.

So like @mechacringegirl wrote, I didn't always know I was trans. I feel that there's an overriding narrative that there needs to be this felt incongruence between yourself and your self, but that wasn't me. 2018 was the year I realised I was trans, in that I had a label for it. The word transgender existed to me but I had a whole knotted bramble mess of feelings that made that label unknowingly inapplicable (which I'll explain later). What cracked my egg was two separated moments. The first was a dream. I came out to my girlfriend and she was so happy and supportive and she even named me in the dream. The second was playing the game Endless Legend. I was happily minding my own business until I encounter a minor faction within the game, the Sisters of Mercy. Righteous warrior women who champion the trampled and oppressed. The image of their leaders and their warriors just struck me so hard in my chest. I felt my chest compress, my heart expand. I felt so overwhelmed that I cried. When I look back now, they embodied so much of femininity that I wanted. This moment made me realise that my dream wasn't a one-off. It took me 3 months to tell my girlfriend about it. I was so terrified of losing her, but she was so supportive but she laughed at her dream self for naming me Tiffany (if you ever meet me, you'll see I'm not really a Tiffany kinda girl).

From then to now has been an incredible journey of introspection and reflection. There is so much to talk about, but I want to focus on that big bramble knot. I've met a few lovely girlies on here and we've talked about this and found kinship and appreciation for one another so I feel it only right that I share these feelings in here in the hopes that it finds someone like me when I was trying to wrestle with these feelings. In short:

I was terrified that my feelings about myself and my gender were a fetish.

During my teens, I discovered that sneaking on feminine clothing made me feel different. Arousal was a part of it, but the overwhelming feeling was one of it being forbidden, or wrong (btw young Saphi, that was gender euphoria you were feeling too!). That lead me to discover very powerful NSFW content that had all manner of transformations. Genderbending, dollification, dronification, bimbofication, it was all there when I was discovering this, and I got sucked right in. Every piece of content I absorbed I always found myself wanting to be the subject of them. I wanted to be the hapless dude who became a pretty woman in a dress, or a guy who wronged a witch and got cursed to become a doll. If the outcome was a woman, I wanted it. But the feelings I was feeling were so much more than arousal, there was a deep yearning in my heart and I just thought that was me being horny for that content. So as 2018 approached, I would flit between feeling I was not cis and also feeling that I was just a crossdresser or a force-fem fetishist. From 2018 onwards, I would inflict deep hurt on myself by twisting genuine feelings of gender euphoria as a fetishisation. But some time a year or so ago, I encountered an incredible post from a transwoman who struggled like I did.

She talked of how she was infatuated with genderbending and transgender erotic content. She would get aroused wearing fem clothes, she would incorporate genderbending into her sexual life. But then after a while she had something click deep within her. She realised that the reason she was consuming so much of this content and envisioning herself as being a part of it was because in that world, someone else was making the decision to transition for her. If she was strolling down the street as a guy and a witch magically turned her into a woman then it wasn't her 'fault'. She was exonerated of the consequences of becoming a woman. She could rock up to work and be all "You'll NEVER guess what happened!" and it would all be fine. I was dumbfounded... it all made sense now. Why I wanted to be a turned into a doll in one bit of content, or forced to be a cute cheerleader in another, it was someone else making the decision for me.

Now, that kind of content appeals to me for what it is, which is all about power dynamics and such. Ever since then, I have never doubted my transness, and it has helped me embrace the sexual nature of my new self with not even a pinch of shame.

[pawlmtree]

שלום, מה נשמע ✨🦁

what sort of stuff do you do to manage your EDS and widespread pain (no pots for me). I’m looking for some items and recs because my pains really flaring up during finals and I wanna get back home to a comfy place all set up with disability friendly stuff. thank u!

🦓🎉

I had another question I’ll put here too, which was could you give a list of the things that help you work as an EDS/pain guy like me? I’m looking into a better chair but I’m sort of overwhelmed and lost and in pain when I work too long, and I haven’t worked in months because i can’t find a good setup. product recs here also work great but I’m really just looking to ask what’s made ur life a little easier :,)

shalom!! 🦁

it really differs from person to person what items will help, and also depends on where your pain is, so all i can do is share what's helped me personally, and hope that perhaps some of it could apply to you

wrist braces

for wrist pain - i go through periods where i wear them and periods where i don't, they can be helpful for stability during times of activity, some people wear them when they sleep bc many (myself included) often accidentally hyperextend our joints during sleep -_- but do be careful not to wear them all the time bc it can sometimes cause more pain or result in weakness

compression gloves

for hand pain/finger joint pain - i don't use these much lately but i used to use them almost every day in combo with wrist braces to try to calm down finger + wrist pain by providing tightness and support, honestly they just feel really nice and comforting in general for me personally but theyre not for everyone.

plastic finger splints

these changed my life when i was having severe finger joint hyperextension and pain..... wearing them restricts the finger joints from hyperextending/bending too far which is helpful in preventing pain and keeping your joints in a more normal range... these helped me a lot for finger pain so i highly recommend them if you have finger pain!!

KT TAPE

i don't use it much anymore because it's kind of annoying to apply and remove, but it helped me a lot with keeping my knees, elbows, and wrists within better ranges of movement, and it felt really comfortable and tight in a secure and safe way if that makes any sense..!? warning is that it can be painful to remove if you have sensitive skin or body hair, but i take it off in the shower which helps a bit. its economically more worth it to buy a roll and cut it yourself rather than buying pre cut pieces, but if you dont have the patience or spoons for cutting it each time then they do make pre cut pieces!

other than that i have used a cane, elbow crutch, and now a hybrid manual/electric wheelchair, with the wheelchair ABSOLUTELY CHANGING MY LIFE ive had the least amount of pain and highest about of mobility (in terms of spending 5+ hours outside!! wow!!) that ive had in a long time, and if your condition gets to the point where going places is difficult/painful/anxiety inducing to you because of how much pain you'll be in during or afterwards, please don't feel ashamed to look into using a mobility aid!

as for the second question, honestly i still struggle with that myself, i can't keep up as well as i'd like to on my homework and commission work, but what does help is trying to maintain good posture while on the computer (sitting in a chair without slouching too much, keeping my neck from bending weird and trying not to hyperextend wrists or fingers while typing, which ermmm i still fail at a lot)

also trying to switch position and task every 2 or so hours is what's necessary for me, unfortunately i suck at doing this and get hyperfocused on drawing for 3+ hours sometimes, which ends up in a lot of pain and soreness afterwards -_- so i do recommend trying to give yourself breaks/switching position and task every so often if it is possible for you to do so...

thank you for the message and i wish you so much luck and low-pain days <3

[wavesmp3]

hi! I read your 8000 layers of inyun yesterday. so it took me a whole day to digest it. Originally i was going to comment but realized i have too much to say so i went ahead and just did an ask, i hope you dont mind! This left me so breathless so i hope my review makes sense. I also apologize for the length but to be fair, your wonderful writing did this to me! i havent seen the movie yet but after reading this i just might. i was initially worried this will turn to something like a cheating situation or close but wow it went deeper than that. even if y/n is in a happy and healthy marriage, theres that grief over that inyun and wondering if a little more time with jeonghan would have been 8000.

The layers of this story is so beautifully laid out in details and the legend of inyun. As someone who had moved countries alot, i am so glad you captured the complexity of leaving home. From not understanding why y/n liked tompkins square park initially, the statue of liberty, and being that person that was always meant to "leave". The way jeonghan poses questions and seems to both understand y/n and also not is such a good take on long distance friendships. I like how its jumping between knowing each other so well but also knowing that you may not bc of the distance and the fact they havent spoken in years. I love how reading this story made me feel melancholic, hopeful, and also satisfied. Melancholic because of the what could have beens, hopeful because sometimes the differences and distances won't fully sever ones connections with each other (in this case inyun if im understanding it correctly) and satisfied because each character had their own maturity and understanding over each other. That mattered to me cause well, drama is very prominent nowadays, no? Is it weird to say that they acted the way 30 year olds should? jhgkdf so this was great! My favorite parts: you don’t remind him to do so once you finally find your keys. instead you slip off your old, faded sneakers, drop your keys on the counter in the lime green dish you made in a pottery class two years ago, and greet him in the kitchen, kissing the side of his chin and reaching over his head to turn the exhaust fan on. he kisses your forehead as an apology, or at least he tries but you’ve already moved and his lips end up catching on the corner of your left eye.

i love the tiny details that are a testament to a marriage.

but beneath the straightforward request feels like a million subliminal ones. like he wants you to prove to him that you’ve made a life worth living here. like he wants to gallivant around new york telling you about a country that used to be home and asking you what would have happened if you didn’t go all those years ago. 

ngl, this hits close to home again bc when you leave home, people will always wonder the same thing.

there used to be oceans and countries and cultures and decades standing between you and him, but somehow now, all of that has compressed into four squares of broken concrete. you were never very good at maths. jeonghan, the one who comforted you whenever you cried over it, knows that best. but even you know that there is no way 20 years can turn into 20 feet.

this was just so damn poetic, i actually had to pause and BREATHE.

and the call ends in 4 minutes. 

this was really short but captures how your world can turn upside down in just a few minutes.

“i came to see you.” 

you don’t take your eyes off his. what is it they say about eyes again? windows to the soul?

“but you and joshua.”

you flinch. 

“you guys have those layers of inyun.”

“all 8000,” you whisper back to him, like the world might burst if you spoke any louder.

its like toeing between a confession or congratulation sdkjhfdkjgh

“how many layers do we have?”

a number hangs off the tip of your tongue. but the world will burst if you say it outloud. so you don’t. for the world, for yourself, for joshua. 

y/n was very real for this and honestly not everything has to be said. i really love this part because it shows y/n's integrity and also her wisdom.

“you’re it for me.” joshua tells you quietly. “you make my life so much bigger.”

my gosh, the way i nearly cried here. WHY SETTLE FOR I LOVE YOU WHEN THERE'S THISSSSSS???!!!

“but i-” he hesitates here, mouth opening and closing like he can’t decide what kind of conversation he wants this to be. “it’s like there’s this whole portion of your brain that will always be out of reach. like i can see it there in the distance, but i can’t get to it.” 

this makes total sense but i cant explain it. its like you want to know every version of someone before they came to be what you know but you know you can't but theres still that grief.

“i didn’t think liking your husband would hurt this much.” (almost). “i can tell he really loves you.”

bc how can you not like him? it def hurts to like him bc that means he's already won anyway.

“yesterday, you asked me why i didn’t try to keep talking back then.” jeonghan continues. “the truth i learned here is that it wouldn’t have mattered how hard i tried even if i did. you were always going to leave because you’re you. and i liked you because you’re you. and who you are is someone who leaves.”

THIS DID MAKE ME TEARY EYED. I was told the exact last sentence before. And i understand how you can't really help it..life is so big and for some, life outside your home country is even bigger.

“but for joshua,” jeonghan says, eyes scanning across the bar, staring at every bartender and every customer before finally, finally, landing on you, “you’re someone who stays.”

no words. really. you blew my mind.

“i haven’t been that kid for a long time now,” you frown, watching jeonghan’s pupils dart back and forth between yours, “but they still existed. they were still real.”

this is very important bc connections and who you once were in the past are very much real...they just don't die because its past. This does circle back to the inyun theme too.

he smiles. and you feel something break apart in your heart.

“i’ll see you then.”

in another life, jeonghan is more than just a series of goodbyes. but in this one, he gets in the uber, and you don’t imagine seeing him again. you don’t think you will. because for the first time in this life, you're not the one that left–he was.  

In another liiiifeeee, I would be youuuurrr giiiirrllll

“i’m sorry,” you finally say, before falling into his arms. the sob that’s been waiting in the bottom of your soul for the past 20 years comes bursting out of your throat. you cry into your husband's shoulder. you feel the weight of all your past lives and all your future ones like they aren't in the past or in the future, like they're now beside you begging you to imagine what could’ve been and what was. 

joshua holds the back of your head. he doesn’t say anything. he doesn’t need to. it’s all been said before. instead he kisses the corner of your eye and takes you home. 

at this point i posted the whole fic. this ending? damn. I really had to take a break from my phone. This was wayyyyy to fitting of an end. I loved joshua's response and the corner of the eye? way to circle back! It's the grief over something you can't truly control but also the happiness of where you are now. I'm not sure how you wanted the end to be if its like a missed connection between jeonghan and y/n or if its grieving over what could have been, or the hope that maybe in the next one its them, or that joshua had always been it but theres that almost with jeonghan. Or it could be all of the above, still this was beautifully written. I apologize for the long review but i just had to express my awe and love for what you've written! Please don't feel obligated to reply just as long or at all! I just wanted to let you know how much your work stuck with me. Thank you for sharing this with us <3 I hope you have the bestest day ever! P.S This unreleased song of woozi fits too! What Kind of Future

i don't mind you leaving this ask at all and the length is more than fine, it's encouraged even!! when i got this ask, i started scrolling and gasped when i saw how long it was. and not in a bad way but in a-i can't believe anyone would take the time to write all this out-way. so thank you thank you thank you!!!

i am going to put the rest of my response under the read more :)) (warning my response is very long lol)

when i was watching the movie/the trailer for the movie i also had very similar concerns that it would be a cheating plot, and i don't really enjoy cheating plotlines much so it was such a pleasant surprise when it was the opposite almost?? i was in awe. and the last sentence of your paragraph here, really hits the nail of what i was trying to do with this piece and what i think the film was doing as well. the sadness over what could have been but what isn't, while also appreciating and enjoying what is. you should most definitely watch the movie though! especially since you also immigrated countries. the story of the movie is based off something that actually happened in the director's life and it's just such a raw beautiful story that is so so real and authentic. i have never actually migrated to another country before, so everything about that was either from the movie or just me imagining what that would be like based on either my background (my parents are immigrants) or other media. anyways, im being extremely wordy, but basically, the experience of the main character here isn't one that i share with them, but the director of the movie does! so you should check it out !

i really liked how you brought up the tompkins square park part and how main character doesn't like it anymore because it almost feels like another reflection of them leaving a place they used to call home and not really feeling like they belong there or like they're that person that lived there anymore. kind of a mirror of how they feel about their home country.

everything you've said here is just sooo spot on!! you understood this piece wholly and completely.

and it's not a weird thing to say at all that they acted like 30 year olds haha in my head i actually imagined them as around that age lol, like early 30 somethings

and what you said about drama... yes! i think this piece would be considered a drama but it's not dramatic. it's such an understated and subtle drama that feels like it's happening in the silences of conversations. (this holds true for the movie especially. i think in interview or something the director said that this story is told mainly through by what isn't being said, it's told through the silences)

abt your fave parts:

i love adding little details like that in, details that make the characters and their lives feel like they go off the pages of the story,, so im really happy that you liked that

abt the line that goes "there used to be oceans and countries..." -- im so so so glad you liked it, i put a lot of effort and made a lot of different versions of this line. so im glad it hit for you the way i hoped it would

and what you said about toeing between confession and congratulation... yup! yeah! exactly!

the line that goes "you're it for me... you make my life so much bigger" was a mash up of a line from the movie and something someone said to me irl :) and it was indeed a very beautiful way to confess love

dang someone actually telling you that exact sentence before is absolutely insane!! im starting to think that maybe you should be the one to write this piece seriously! but also, you have GOT to watch this movie

im so glad you enjoyed the ending!! it's my favorite part as well!! the corner of the eye thing!! so happy you picked up on that. as for what i wanted to the end to be like.... i am a sucker for an open ending and although this ending is less open than others i have written it still is pretty vague... so to your answer your question, the ending is whatever you want it to be. honestly, i don't even know what the ending should be like. but the options you listed (missed connection, or grieving what could have been, etc.) are all ones that were also bouncing around in my mind as i watched the movie and wrote this piece. (for me, i think its mainly grieving what could have been, but also just a mesh of all 4 of the ones you said. emotions can be quite complex huh?)

again, pls don't apologize for the length of this review. it's a dream come true. thank you again for reading this piece, thinking so highly of it, and taking the time to leave this review for me. it makes all the brain rot i had over this film worth it. jk but again thank you. this review made my day and put the biggest smile on my face :))) i hope you have a wonderful day

[blackhearted1]

~~~~ Grit ~~~~

A MHA OG FanFic that is a female reader insert.

This fic will touch on incredibly sensitive subjects and I will put warnings beforehand, as such this is 18+ and Minors DNI.

Grit is ongoing and I originally posted this on AO3, I don't post much online so bear with me this is honestly the first big thing I'm doing on Tumblr.... I do hope you enjoy amd comments are always welcome. I have many other fics with other characters as well so if interested please let me know. But now.... here is the first Chapter.

This series will involve multiple mentions of PTSD, rape/sexual assault, graphic depictions of violence, blood, gore, language, smut, self harm/ mutilation and multiple other sensitive topics, Reader Discretion is always advised.

~~~~

Ch 1: A Rough Introduction

Its the third year for Midoriya and his classmates at UA, he heard rumors from All Might that there will be a special exchange student from America to join them this year. The news has spread like wildfire because this is rare that this happens. Uraraka runs to Midoriya with Kaminari, Kirishima and Mina, waving they run to Deku who has Todoroki approaching as well as Bakugo.

" Hey Midoriya did you hear the news?" Kaminari asks.

" About the new exchange sudent? Yah I don't know why but I'm excited." Midoriya nods.

" I wonder what kind of Quirk they will have, I have never met an American yet I wonder what they are like?" Mina ponders.

Ojiro and Hagakure approach and wave at their friends, Hagakure runs to them and is shouting with excitement.

" Guys I saw some official looking cars turn back where Ojiro and I were walking, they had American flags on them!" Hagakure tells them.

" Really cool! Also multiple?" Kirishima asks.

" Great its some governor's pampered kid or some shit like that." Bakugo groans.

" Well how do you know?" Ojiro asks.

" Multiple cars means that the ones they aren't in are full of security." Bakugo sighs.

" I guess you're right but we don't know that yet." Kirishima shrugs.

" Hey there they are, look they are out of the car." Kaminari points out.

They look and see a girl, she has her uniform on and is standing in front of large men in uniform.

" Those patches, they are definitely from the Military, they look to be Navy." Midoriya comments.

" Woah her family is military then?" Uraraka asks.

" It's a safe bet to make until we know more about her." Todoroki nods.

The man in the front salutes her, the girl returns the salute and the men get in the car and leave. She returns to normal and turns heel to walk inside, they look and see she has on super compressed weights on her wrists and ankles along with a belt around her hips.

" Man those things are heavy, she has on at least 220 kilograms." Ojiro points out.

" Man she is training already?" Mina looks in shock.

" We should go say hi." Hagakure suggests.

" Uh she looks pretty pissed off maybe we should wait." Kirishima suggests.

As they say that they see other third years approach her, they start to harass the new girl but she doesn't even pay attention to them.

" Heh typical American, thinking they are too good for us." One of the kids sneer.

The girl doesn't even respond even when they are attacking her verbally, she just walks inside and the group just take a sigh of relief.

" Man I thought for sure there would be a fight." Kaminari takes a breath.

" Heh, she is well trained." Bakugo smirks.

" Well let's head to class and get ready for the day." Midoriya nods.

The class head inside and in the class they see the girl with Iida, they are having a conversation that seems to be going well. The girl walks away and they go up to Iida who smiles at his friends presence.

" Hello everyone! I can't wait to get back into the dorms with everyone this year. Have you met our new exchange student?" Iida asks.

" Not yet no, she seemed pretty cold when we saw her earlier." Uraraka shakes her head.

" She is a little aloof but I believe she is actually nice." Iida comments.

" Well we can speak to her during lunch then, that way it's a more relaxed setting." Mina smiles.

" Yah that is a great idea." Kaminari agrees.

" But for now everyone take your seats it is time for class!" Iida commands.

Everyone takes their seat while Present Mic and Mr. Aizawa walk in, they see the class is ready and begin.

" Good morning, as you all can see we have a new student with us, they are an exchange student from the United States." Mr. Aizawa starts the class.

" Yah please welcome ---- Drakos!" Present Mic introduces.

Everyone looks at ---- who is just silent and glares up at the teachers, she doesn't seem to want to speak.

" Well come up here and say a few things about yourself." Present Mic tells her.

" I would rather not...." ---- shakes her head.

" Aw come on we would love to get to know you, you are the first American we have met!" Kirishima smiles.

---- sighs and stands up, in a militaristic way she walks to the front and stays silent for a moment. Looking at Present Mic and glaring at him, she looks back at the class and takes a breath.

" I am Lieutenant Commander Drakos, I was enlisted very early into the United States Navy because of my quirks. I became the rising star of the Navy and was part of the Seals. I have a kill count that would make All for One even blush and I am here because I was forced to...." ---- simply states.

The entire class looks green around the gills when they hear all this, they look in shock at the teachers.

" She is joking right?" Kaminari nervously laughs.

" No she is quite serious, ---- is considered one of the deadliest assets the military has." Mr. Aizawa replies.

" Then why have her here?!" Mineta flips out.

" It is a matter of national security not only on the side of the United States but for us here in Japan. We have been trusted with her care and education, while she is here she will stay in the dorms with you all." Mr. Aizawa calms.

---- sits back in her seat and just stays silent, the class goes on like normal and they continue on until lunch. The class heads to lunch and they notice ---- seated already, she has her own bento and starts to eat, Uraraka, Kirishima, Midoriya and a bunch of her class come to her table and sit with her. She just peacefully eats and enjoys her food quietly.

" Hey ---- after this you wanna hang out after school in the Dorms?" Uraraka asks.

" I have a strict workout schedule I need to abide by." ---- replies.

" Cool we can work out together!" Kirishima grins.

" You wont be able to keep up, I have my Commander coming after and I will be going through the usual training I went through when I first went into boot camp." ---- tells him.

" Well we can give it a shot." Iida nods.

" Fine just don't be rude to Commander Stark." ---- sighs out.

The same kids from earlier walk by and sneer at ----, she ignores them and just continues to eat.

" Heh well if it isn't the American Trash, what were the schools not good enough for you there?" A girl teases.

---- continues to keep her cool, she just eats her hardboiled egg and ignores the noise. The girl and her friends are irritated she isn't doing anything, the girl smacks her chopsticks out of her hand. The lunch room is silent as they look at ---- just staying still.

" Back off now!" Todoroki yells at the group.

---- gets up and stands in front of the group, she just calmly looks at the group and glares at them all.

" I don't even need to use my Quirks to beat you." ---- smirks.

" You will eat those words!" The girl yells at her.

The group barrage ---- with their strong Quirks but she simply dodges each one with ease. All this and she still has her weights on her limbs, she is quick to use her head and she skull smashes each attacker. Each one falls to the ground in pain, they groan and whimper as ---- cracks her neck.

" I will eat later...." ---- comments as she puts her food away and grabs her chopsticks.

Walking out while the lunch room is in silence, they all go back to their seats and the room just eats.

" Man.... she took them out with only her head, she had her hands behind her back the entire time." Kaminari murmurs.

" Heh, idiots got what they deserved." Bakugo laughs.

" Man being with her is going to be difficult, she comes from such a structured world." Mina sighs.

" Well soon we will learn more about her through the Quirk assessments tomorrow." Todoroki comments as he eats.

" Yah she is in a new environment let's give her space." Midoriya nods.

The classes finish the day out and the class begins to leave, they don't see Brooke anywhere and head back to the dorm work out center after school. There they hear yelling of multiple people, Todoroki, Kirishima and the others walk into the weight room and see ---- pushes up two guys on her back as she is in a push up position. She is holding halfway and is covered in bruises, a man towers over her and has his arms crossed.

" Were you picking fights?!" The man yells.

" Sir no sir!" ---- replies.

" We got a call saying you were seen picking fights with multiple students!" The man yells.

" I only act in self defense sir!" ---- chokes out.

" Look at you Lieutenant! Giving up already?!" He yells more.

" Never sir!" She growls.

" Now wait just a minute!" Todoroki yells.

" Excuse me who are you?!" The man yells.

" No who are you?! You are here torturing our classmate!" Kirishima yells back.

" Stay out of this!" ---- yells.

" Men get up, Drakos get your ass up, you are doing the pool exercise." The man commands.

" Yes sir Commander Stark." ---- nods.

The men get up and walk away to the pool area, ---- struggles to get up but stumbles upright. Todoroki runs to help but she puts her hand up and stops him, she walks to the pool and her classmates follow and watch on helplessly.

" Final exercise of the day, after all this you arent using your Quirk to heal up, you will keep this pain as a lesson." Commander Stark tells her.

" Yes sir!" ---- stands at attention.

The two other men tie her hands and feet, the Commander throws a knife and a mask with snorkel.

" Get the mask on and get yourself free and you can go." Commander Stark tells ---- before he shoves her in the pool.

" Commander Stark but how can she survive that!? She is wounded!" Iida asks.

" What you don't know about Lieutenant Commander Drakos is she was a full fledged Navy Seal at the age of 10, she was crafted and molded into the ultimate killing machine. Her duel Quirks make her perfectly adapted as one of the deadliest people on this planet. Her kill count is something to behold, but she is here under classified circumstances and that is all you need to know." Commander Stark tells them.

They watch as ---- grabs the knife with her mouth and uses it to cut her wrists free, she grabs the snorkel and mask and finishes cutting the ropes off her ankles. Pain fills her body but she swims up and takes a gasp of air, ---- pulls herself up out of the pool and breathes heavy.

" You have slowed down, do better Drakos." Commander Stark warns.

" Sir.... yes sir...." ---- nods.

The men leave and her classmates rush to her side, ---- is too tired to complain to them and feels someone help her up. She sees its Todoroki and just glares at him, holding her side ---- winces.

" ---- why let them do this to you?!" Uraraka asks.

" You look like hell." Tokoyami tells her.

" It is what I know, I grew up this way.... no one here can understand that...." ---- sighs as she walks away to the unisex locker room.

Heading to the tubs she gets a bunch of ice and starts the water, her bruised body trembles in pain. Stopping the water she lowers her body into the water, she wishes she can heal her body but she is under direct orders not to as punishment.

Todoroki walks in and sees her, he wasn't aware she went in here. He walks over to her and sits next to her, ---- looks at him and just looks away. He can see she is in pain still and wants to help her.

" Can I get you something for the pain?" He asks.

" I'm fine...." ---- breathes out.

He watches her breathing pattern and sees it is off, ---- coughs and blood comes up he looks in horror and holds her up before she slips down into the water.

" Damn it you have a punctured lung, you need help." Todoroki tells her.

He pulls her from the water and holds her in his arms, she stops him and he watches as her ribcage starts to shift. After a few moments it stops and her breathing is normal.

" I fixed it.... just get me to my room...." ---- demands weakly.

Todoroki rushes to her room and opens it up, he sees medals, uniforms and pictures everywhere along with collections of places she has been. He grabs a towel nearby and wraps her in it, she is sat down on a chair and he kneels in front of her. ---- dries off and looks exhausted, she goes over to a dresser and grabs sweat pants and a tank top. Todoroki turns immediately and waits for her to be finished, ---- finds it amusing he is this embarrassed being around a girl changing. ---- finishes and shuffles to her bed, Todoroki turns and helps her in bed. She doesn't protest, she only wants to sleep, her heavy eyes look at him.

" You remind me of my eldest brother Touya.... I'm worried for you." Shoto tells her.

" I am fine...." ---- just shrugs off his concern.

The pair are silent for a while, ---- looks at Shoto standing there with a concerned look. He looks away from her and towards the wall in deep thought, ---- clears her throat.

" What was Touya like?" ---- asks him.

" He was stubborn but never gave up, I miss him so much, so does Natsuo and my sister Fuyumi took it harder. He was told by my father that his quirk was too much for his body to handle, he never listened and wanted to be a Hero so bad.... in his anguish and ceaseless training his quirk spiraled out of control...." Shoto tells her.

" I am so sorry...." ---- sympathizes.

" All that was left of him was a piece of his lower jaw, his quirk burnt him to ash, he was so kind and loving to everyone and he wanted to be the best.... I miss him." Shoto continues.

" I'm sorry for your loss, I know the feeling all too well...." ---- nods.

" Someday I'll show you his shrine, it's very beautiful.... but you need rest, we can talk more later." Shoto tells ----.

" Ok.... I'll see you later." ---- nods and passes out from exhaustion.

Todoroki looks at her for a moment, her dark brown hair and slightly tan skin are rather pretty. Todoroki pulls the covers over her shoulder and tucks her in. He leaves her room and heads down to his friends, they turn and look at him and see his soaked clothing.

" Where have you been man?" Kaminari asks him.

" Making sure ---- got to her room, she is resting now." Todoroki explains.

" Is she ok?" Aoyama asks concerned.

" She is resting peacefully currently, she most likely wont be up for a while." Todoroki nods.

The rest of the class don't pry about her and just go about the rest of their day until the Quirk assessments tomorrow.

Its the end of the next school day and both Class 1A and 1B are brought to the training center, they see a person in a Hero costume standing with Mr. Aizawa, Present Mic and Ectoplasm. The outfit is sleek and looks like something for water combat, it is dark on the back and a little lighter in the front of the costume. The boots of the person are reminiscent of Selkies boots with the fins, they have gloves on with nanotech webbing between the fingers. The faceplate completely obscures who it is, they all stand at attention and wait for the teachers to speak.

" Hello everyone, you are probably wondering what is going on here and why I asked you to wear your outfits. Well next to us is Hydra, or you may know her as ----. This is her outfit she wore on active duty and is perfectly crafted to suit hers Quirks." Mr. Aizawa explains.

" Quirks?!" Tetsutetsu asks loudly.

" Yes similar to Shoto Todoroki ---- has duel Quirks, your jobs are to figure out what they are. One is more obvious then the other, she will be fighting you all." Mr. Aizawa nods.

" You can't be serious, all 41 of us verses her?" Shinso scoffs.

" Let's get this over with...." ---- sighs.

Stepping forward ---- undoes her weight belt around her waist, she removes her wrist weights and her leg weights as well. She tosses them all to the side and they make a large crater to the side, the students look in shock.

" Woah how much weight was that?!" Kirishima asks in shock.

" 454 kilograms, I'm ready to start." ---- sighs.

" The rules are simple, you each have a zip tie set of cuffs, you need to catch her to win, while she has to capture every single one of you. Should be easy right? Once captured you cant break the cuff you are out!" Present Mic explains.

" There is no way she can win, we have 41 unique and powerful Quirks on our side." Midoriya comments.

The teachers go above the training grounds and sit up in the rafters, the students watch ---- for a moment and see how calm she is.

" LET'S GET HER!" Tetsutetsu yells out.

" Wait that's not a good idea!" Kirishima yells to class 1B.

---- puts her arms out and focuses, the pipes in the facility burst and she quickly floods the arena. She manages to make the depth a little over 10 meters, all the other students have taken to high ground and see ---- is nowhere to be found.

" Shoji, Koda, Jiro, find her!" Midoriya tells them.

" Right!" They reply.

Using their Quirks they look for her but look in shock, they can't find her and can't sense her.

" I.... I can't hear her! Her heartbeat should be as clear as day but.... there is no heartbeat!" Jiro tell the others.

In a flash ---- breaches the water and grabs Jiro, the pair disappear in the water and everyone looks in horror.

" Jiro!" Some of them yell.

Jiro resurfaces with her hands bound, Ectoplasm quickly uses a clone to retrieve her. ---- quickly does the same to Shoji and Koda and captures them as well, the students back away from the water and try to think of a plan.

" Well what now Deku?!" Bakugo yells.

" I'm not sure yet, she is taking out our scouts to make sure we cant find her with ease. She can clearly control her heartbeat and pause it so she is not detected, she can obviously control water so that is one of her Quirks, the other we were told isn't obvious which means until she activates it we may not know what it is until we see it up close. But with ---- that is dangerous, she is clearly strong physically on her own. But her Quirks paired with her physical capabilities and her elite combat prowess make her a top tier threat." Midoriya explains.

" We need to get our strongest to attack in close combat." Sato recommends.

" It could work, Tetsutetsu, Kirishima draw her out but stay close so she is forced to confront you both." Midoriya suggests.

" You got it!" They shout in unison.

The pair go to a large plateau that is above water and wait, soon ---- flies out of the water and lands on the other side where they are standing.

" I'll charge first ok?" Tetsutetsu tells his friend.

" Right I'll be right behind you." Kirishima nods.

Tetsutetsu starts the charge, he hardens his body and charges at her, ---- rushes at Tetsutetsu and collides with him. Tetsutetsu is launched into a wall and groans, his metal shell cracked and he holds his head. They look and see ----, they look in shock when they see armor surrounding her arm that punched Tetsutetsu.

" What the hell is that?!" Mineta yells.

Shoto's eyes open wide and he realizes he has seen this already in a way, he remembers when she healed herself from the broken rib and punctured lung. Her ribcage repaired itself and her lung mended.

---- sees Kirishima charge next, ---- guards as Kirishima crashes against her. Kirishima pushes against her but recoils back in pain, they look and see bloody spikes erupt from her chest. Kirishima backs up and they watch as the armor on her arm absorbs back into her body along with the spikes on her chest. Her costume then heals from the damage she inflicted on it and everything is back to normal.

" Kirishima! Tetsutetsu! Get back!" Shoto yells.

" What the hell is that Quirk?!" Tetsutetsu growls.

" Tetsutetsu are you ok?" Kendo asks.

" Yah she hits like a truck." He holds his head.

" I saw this ability up close yesterday, she repaired her broken rib and punctured lung. I didn't think anything of it first but now I know, her other Quirk let's her control her body on a God like scale." Shoto explains.

" Correct Shoto.... my second Quirk is Cell Manipulation, my body can survive the most extreme heat and cold. I can survive sub freezing temperatures naked by modifying my skin cells to be frostbite proof and I can move and create new fat cells so I can put layers under my skin in key areas. I can survive the hottest deserts by extracting the water in the same fat cells and lipids, I can survive with no water for months and even make it so I don't get sunburnt. One of my greatest tricks is what you saw just now, I can create and manipulate my bones with ease." ---- explains.

" She is the ultimate survivalist." Iida gasps.

" What do you mean create bone?!" Midoriya asks.

" The human body has 205 bones, with me that number is much more negotiable. As I was speaking I made a new weapon just now...." ---- sighs out and grabs behind her.

They watch ---- bend forward and they see bone sticking out of her neck, ---- pulls out her spine and it forms spikes. Wielding it around the new weapon straightens and then acts like a whip at whim. Using her new weapon she grabs Tetsutetsu and dives in the water with him, a moment later he is bound and a clone grabs him.

" Todoroki freeze the water and see if you can stop her movements." Kendo suggests.

Todoroki nods and using his ice abilities he freezes the entire pool ---- created, Todoroki stops and they see no movement.

" I think that got her." Mina comments.

The sound of Ice cracking is heard, quickly the arena floods again the current sweeps up everyone and ---- is quick to bind everyone. She misses Todoroki who is above all the water, ---- drains the water from the arena and everyone is ok. She sees Todoroki land and come after her, ---- is quick to counter him and uses her spine blade against him.

" Come quietly Todoroki." ---- tells him.

" And miss out on this little dance we are in? You are a worthy challenge!" He smirks.

Shoto and ---- fight in close proximity and both grab a capture zip tie and capture one wrist from the other. Shoto and ---- stop fighting and breathe heavy, looking at their wrists they look up at the teachers.

" Uh Aizawa is this a tie or?" Present Mic asks.

" They both captured eachother so this will be called a stalemate." Mr. Aizawa tells them.

All the students are released and they walk over to ---- and Shoto, they cut the binds off and ---- stretches out.

" How did you hide from us like that that was incredible." Jiro asks.

" For short periods of time I can stop my pulse and heart while I move around, it's stressful on my body so I only do it for two minutes at most. My bones are the stars of my little trick though...." ---- explains.

Holding her arms out she creates bone blades that come out of the top of her forearm. Sucking them back into her body she takes her left forearm and breaks it over her knee. Everyone looks in horror at the broken limb.

" Relax it doesn't hurt that bad, watch I instantly heal my broken bones.... deep wounds hell I can even reattach my limbs." ---- extends a bone blade out.

---- cuts her right arm off at the elbow, the others look in horror and some retch. Mineta and Aoyama pass out but ---- grabs her arm and puts it back, they watch her Quirk in action as the arm flawlessly reattaches to her body.

" That Quirk is so powerful, having a duel Quirk makes you extremely powerful." Iida comments.

" It's not without it's issues, with my background and what I have seen.... my PTSD weakens me and I fear my Quirk can harm those around me, so I limit myself.... it also causes my PTSD to get worse if I'm not careful. My duel Quirks require me to see everything in front of me, I need to know where every piece is on the board and I need to know what each is capable of. I do not tolerate failure even on my end.... failure leads to death and I will have no more of that." ---- explains.

" Wait so you can go insane?" Kirishima asks sympathetically.

" No need to make it sound like I'll go off my rocker, but yah.... war is hell and I may be the same age as you all roughly but you kids don't have the mental constitution to deal with what I have seen. The world is a putrid place full of evil, you all need to get your ass's in gear and learn how to deal with the horrors you will face out there. Because if you don't you will never hack it as Hero's." ---- coldly tells them.

" Wait but you are going to be a Hero too what makes you act like you are any different from us?" Kendo asks.

" I'm not a Hero, I'm just a person doing the things I need to do, the things I have done don't classify me as a Hero.... I'm far from it in fact. I walk in the darkness so that others may see the light.... I'm going back to the dorms." ---- sighs out.

---- heads the dorms and the others just sigh out after that ordeal. Shoto watches ---- hold her head as she leaves, her shoulders are hunched and she seems troubled.

" Can you believe her?! She acts all high and mighty then leaves like a jerk." Kamakiri scoffs.

" Shut up loser that's our classmate." Bakugo snaps at him.

" She captured your dumbass too." Kamakiri laughs.

" Everyone shut up...." Shoto sighs out and leaves as well.

Shoto leaves and eventually catches up to ---- who is silent, Shoto says nothing and just walks back with her. ---- eyes slide over to him without turning her head, she looks straight forward and just sighs at his presence.

" You are clearly different from the others...." ---- comments.

" What do you mean?" Shoto asks.

" You were able to slip from my grip while I was able to grab the others, can't tell if I'm irritated or impressed." ---- grumbles.

" Are you always this mad?" Shoto asks her.

" Are you and the others always this intrusive?" ---- groans.

" S-sorry.... I saw you leave and you looked like you were having an issue mentally or emotionally.... just wanted to make sure my friend is ok." Shoto apologizes.

---- stops and looks at Shoto for a while, her gaze seems irritated but she is simply thinking about what he said. Her brow relaxes and she takes a deep breath before cracking her neck.

" Know what a bomb body is? Had some unpleasant memories and scents flood my senses earlier.... don't know what caused them though...." ---- comments.

" No what are those?" Shoto asks.

" Good.... trust me forget I said anything Todoroki...." ---- sighs and leaves him standing there.

---- leaves and Shoto goes back to the dorms with the others, he keeps thinking about what she said and it makes him overly curious as he is sitting with the others. Shoto pulls out his phone and searches up what a Bomb Body is, the images flash on his screen and he drops his phone. The others look over and see the horror on his face as he covers his mouth and retches. Kirishima grabs his phone and reacts the same way and looks in horror.

" Dude what the hell why are you looking at this?!" Kirishima asks him.

" I wanted to know what ---- was talking about, I asked her what was wrong and she said she had haunting memories about them come back.... I asked her what she meant but she said forget it and its good I don't know." Shoto explains.

" Jesus.... it says here kids are the better targets for these procedures.... what the hell is this?! Some messed up fucks actually do this to people?!" Bakugo yells.

" It says here that Bomb Bodies or Human Bombs can either be alive or dead, they are used by terrorist groups to harm civilians.... oh my.... ---- said she had flashbacks of these?" Momo asks.

" Yah.... no wonder she has walls up around her emotions." Shoto nods.

" Well we shouldn't say anything to her we don't need to trigger any negative feelings with her." Midoriya suggests.

---- walks into the room and Mineta sees her, she goes to the kitchen and grabs a juice and a glass for herself.

" Hey ---- what's the deal with Bomb Bodies?" Mineta asks.

Everyone looks in horror not knowing she walked in quietly, her eyes go wide and she doesn't blink. The glass drops from her hand and shatters, she begins to retch and bolts after Mineta. Her eyes have the intent to kill which gets Sero to grab her, the tape begins to give way and he quickly tapes more to her. The guys grab on to the tape and hold on for dear life. Shoto goes in front of her and holds her body back, they struggle to hold her still as she continues to go after Mineta.

" Momo can you make something to stop her?!" Midoriya asks.

" Here I got this!" She nods and pulls out a rag and bottle she has made.

Putting the contents of the bottle on the cloth she puts it over ---- nose and mouth. ---- begins to stumble, she begins to grumble and get dizzy.

" I'll kill you.... just like you killed.... Abdullah...." She slurs as she passes out.

" Abdullah? Who is Abdullah?" Kaminari asks.

" Not sure, but we need to get Mr. Aizawa immediately." Midoriya shrugs.

" I'll bring her to her room." Shoto tells them.

Sero removes the tape and Shoto brings her to her room again, Momo walks into her room with a heart monitor she made. They hook it up to ---- and Momo sits on the bed next to her.

" I did this to her so I am responsible for making sure she is ok, I'll be here with her until she wakes up ok?" Momo tells him.

" Of course, message us when she is awake." Shoto nods.

Walking back to the others he helps clean up the mess and things calm down, Sero helps seeing as it was his Quirk that was used to bind her. Everyone goes into their own routine and the dorm is once again quiet.

~~~~

(Let's see who you end up with 😏)

If you have made it here I really do appreciate it, I'm not the most outgoing person so this was stressful to post. I can do requests aside from this so if interested let me know, I can do inserts/ reader inserts of characters you like. If anything I have a wild imagination lol. Also I have no clue what I'm doing on this site in terms of posting so if you have tips.... I will love you forever ❤️.

Thank you so much and I will post more

[queerlyfiguringitout]

Entry #1

Hello Internet, yes I suppose that could be a Daniel Howell reference but for my sake lets hope it doesn't take ten+ years and a hiatus to figure my shit out. Anyway... where to begin.

I have known I was queer since Middle School (a crush on a best friend gone awry) (a cannon experience I am afraid.) As of recently, I have realized that I am a lesbian. While I have had experience with a man before, I have come (finally after six years) to the realization that its just women for me. Anyway, I wouldn't just make a whole new Tumblr Blog for declaring to the world my sexuality. I'm just not that kind of person. No I am here to document my new journey with the clusterfuck that is my gender.

A few things to note:

I don't recall much of my childhood so I can not say for certainty how I felt about being a girl at that time.

Not long after the best friend fiasco, I started realizing that I don't entirely subscribe to the notion that I am a woman. Now I fully recognize that Womanhood is in the eye of the beholder and there is no one right way to be a woman. However when i started experimenting with giving myself facial hair and compressing my chest I knew something was off.

As noted in 2, I have done the things. I got that horrible short haircut, I (too scared to buy an actual binder for fear of my parents) went to dicks (ironic I know) and bought the tightest fitting Nike sports bra I could. It actually flattened my chest substantially however it hurts for long periods. I also have filled in my facial hair and marveled at how I don't hate it.

Now on the other hand, I don't always hate my chest or my longer hair. I like doing things that make me feel feminine from time to time yet I also do like exploring what makes me feel masculine.

I have always been to afraid to take it beyond my bedroom but recently I have been experimenting with more androgynous styles that include baggier clothing than what I used to wear. It has certainly made me feel a lot more secure in my body.

I know I don't want a d*** but I also wish I could chop my breasts off sometimes.

I am already using They/She pronouns with my friends. He/him pronouns feel... well really good but I am too afraid to actually commit to it, have been for a while.

I can already hear the comments, suggesting that I look into being Gender Fluid and trust that I... well I have at least thought about it. I even made a presentation to come out to my friend but it is hard admittedly to commit to something only around one person.

Feel free to comment on this post and any future ones. I don't know exactly what this is yet but tonight I felt... well I felt like I needed to document.

I just watched the "Trans Guy gets a Makeover" video posted by the Try Guys and well... I cried. Something about watching Ash talk about his experiences and talking to other trans people just really... well it struck something in me. I will link it at the end of this post.

Ultimately this account is now an online journal of sorts. I have no idea if anyone will see it apart from me. I will be updating if I come to any... conclusions or if I just get more confused.

Anyway, hello future me. Have you figured it out yet?

-S

[knowlessman]

It is Thursday, my dudes. (bnha s6e11-15)

oh shit, jeanist ain't dead? they dint show his face/collar, but who else could that be in this jet

I thought yall needed to keep tomura off the ground cuz he can just dust everybody for miles around. ig tbf he is pretty beat up

"jin meant a lot to me" waaaaait… does toga have some of twice's blood. shit, she's yet another Ditto, she could just have the quirk of anybody else on her team at-will. she could have several bodies' worth of the quirk of anybody else on her team, at-will, if twice gave her any of his blood -- "I was hoping to talk to her about relationships" gonna level with you, the closest thing to a remotely qualified therapist in this entire show might, of all people, be todoroki, and if you wanna talk to him, well, you should prolly get back on bigfoot ig

… is too wrapped up in The Scene to make the hall and oates ref

lolwtf since when did jeanist have those bigass cable thingies??? 'XD he's got levitating mechanical pulley thingies now???

…okay ngl. if only I hadn't been spoiled on all that. I mean… idk, would I have guessed it anyway? I forget how much I knew; I knew he did a dance. maybe the clips I saw had subtitles? eh, he has a fire quirk and spiky hair and injuries n stuff, maybe I would've guessed it anyway. tbh I thought endeavor thought he'd killed him directly, but ig toya was just like trying to power up his quirk or something when the fire happened

"gigantomachia's strength has its limits, too. after he got here, he started gasping for air" ah, did those tranquilizers have an effect after all? -- (shigaraki says one thing to him and he's back struggling again) come onnnn, they worked so hard for that

ey, mirio's back too

(bakugo picked hisself a "new" hero name) AHAHAHAHA finally a bakugo bit that's at least funny

blackwhip. …froppy. style. sigh

deku. deku what did I say about talking about other people's backstories. you're talking to dabi about endeavor.

okay finally, so we know the sedative did work. dang, took long enough

compress: "I still haven't gotten to do my bit! I'll show you the best form of entertainment!" think maybe you should've joined up with gentle thief, my dude. you'd be a way better match for his vibe

(league of villains flashback) "you are the creature rejection clan" hey wait a minute… clan? …nah, nah, surely the writer wouldn't be as subtle as this if he was trying to reference that -- "sinners, sacred ground," etc. eh. prolly then ig. nobody seems to do a faction that tries to stand up for non-powered people, only ones that pick fights with the powered folks for what's narratively treated as no reason. maybe The Boys did that more intelligently, but hell if I'm up for trying that, thinking about how many people didn't get the satirical bits would prolly be too distracting -- "what is our goal, shigaraki? WHAT IS OUR GOAL?" some very good questions

"I can pokeball bits off my own body to free myself from the restraints!" well. damn. …when are you gonna start doing stuff, spinner?

compress's dad/ancestor (?) was robin hood, huh. well how do you like that, I don't think I even dislike this guy any more. pity he's stuck with the cosplayer without a cause, a few serial killers, and the successor to mojo jojo/satan/makuta/that red spirit from korra I'm never gonna remember the name of -- "the blood of the Burglar King flows in my veins" oh why did you have to go and say that? 'XDDD have it your way, ig

(midoriya's got another quirk coming in) Danger Sense? …not one I would've expected. would be kinda fun if it wasn't really any more powerful than Spider-Man's. something that's new, but that doesn't completely change deku's range of options like Blackwhip does

"Dabi and Long-Hair (?) are still in Spinner's scarf!" that is a cool extension to the trick, but does Spinner know that?

"we are retreating. I am paying the price of defeat." ig he's hoping that tomura ends up in the same prison as mojo jojo's body so the former can spring the latter? hell if I know. or maybe he's hoping that for the people he's leaving behind, anyway

(ig shigaraki got away?) they keep showing midnight's mask. still can't tell if she's dead tho

new OP time, huh

huh. mosquito fell for a trap. -- except he didn't really, aaand it backfired hugely

"the heroes' struggle was futile as shigaraki was awakened" it WOULDN'T have been, if dollar-store cyclops had been 0.01% less trigger-happy and been capable of following orders worth a damn

(recap gets to where jeanist shows up) dabi said "the body was real." …??? who did hawks kill. a stolen body from a morgue wouldn't have fooled them, would it?

"just under SEVENTEEN THOUSAND PEOPLE who were at the fight at the villa were arrested" jesus -- …sidetrack, I know, but: in 2022, Japan had about 41k inmates in prisons, and that number was down from previous years; in '13, they had about 60k. oh, don't worry, the US has over a million in any given year, obviously. just wondered. trying to conceive of huge numbers of people in any context is always, like… yeah

so midnight is dead, huh. and whoevertf majestic was

buh. recap episode dunt count. one more. for sake of mentioning tho, I did notice in the intro and outro that deku seems to have added… dammit, what's he called. the old guy. he added the old guy's yellow scarf. …this show has too goddamn many characters. twenty kids in class 1-A alone. TWENTY JUST TO START

new OP's kinda mumbly but wever, I don't hate it for that

prison guards bein prison guards, yup

oh dang, it's bakuswole

oh great, and moonfish 'XD that fuckin weirdo

ohai jeff, I keep thinking you're dead. guess not?

huh. chisaki. it's a daggone boss rush rushin' its way outta the slammer

(hopsidal) GRAN TORINO. okay fuck, he's named after a fucking car and a clint eastwood movie but there's no way in hell I was gonna remember his name, I was stuck on trying to remember the name of his quirk

…so wait. gran torino's yellow scarf is from shimura. deku's gonna start wearing the scarf bc of gran torino. and facing down shimura's grandson wearing it. …greaaat, well ig maybe that gives tomura something to latch onto and claw back control from all for one? but like. idk, still kinda fucked up

stopping here