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#It's time for quiz preparation
manasastuff-blog · 3 days
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It's time for quiz preparation, and at Manasa Defence Academy, you will receive the best training for NDA, Navy, Air Force, and more. Known for providing top-notch physical training, SSB interview coaching, and written exam preparation, Manasa Defence Academy ensures students are fully equipped to excel in any defence or central government job. Our facilities include physical training by retired Army officers, swimming, gym, yoga, English-speaking skills, and stage speech practice. Alongside defence training, students can also complete their higher education after the 10th. Join Manasa Defence Academy to master both defence skills and academic excellence, preparing for a successful career in the armed forces.
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eerna · 9 months
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*deep breath* ATLA IS SO GOOD!!! BRO!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!! HOW!!!!!!!!!!!
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Just curious what the average level of personal investment in these sorts of things is. Like, how much do people usually get into silly stuff like this their friends ask of them? etc. etc. Which I know, only surveying a small sample on a very specific website means I'm not getting an exact average idea lol, but.. curious nonetheless .. Maybe reblog for bigger sample size but also this is not very serious at all/not worth a call to action gbhjbhjb
#which I know this could be context dependent like.. maybe you'd normally dress up but on a week that#you feel sick you wouldn't or etc. etc. - but I mean.. GENERALLY. in the most general average scenario#where you have the average amount of health and free time that you always do. etc. just based on your personality#and level of investment in these things - what on AVERAGE are you most inclined to do#also of course assume they communicate with you ahead of time and are not like planning a part last minute#like 'throw together costume in 5 hours and show up tonight randomly' or etc. I would hope that if we're going with the#AVERAGE of things - most people's friends have better communication skills than springing entire parties#on people last minute lol#assume you have like.. a few days-a week or so to prepare. however ealrly people usually start talking about#birthdays. In my experience it's usually one or two weeks ahead of time. Like 'oh next weekend' or 'oh two weeks from now' etc.#ANYWAY.. feeling a little Sick again of course but still trying to get some photos or something posted#AGAIN i promise I am not going to exlcusively post polls and ntohing else forever hgkjgnekj#I just really really love the ability to post polls and have always my whole life been obsessed with surveying people#I used to think I wanted to do that as a career somehow like.. be one of the people that does psychological interviews#or produce interview asessments for a company or etc. etc. I am always the one friend in the group thats giving out custom made#surveys or asking for other simialr stuff (did you ever take an mbti quiz? how about enneagra#m?? oh yeah I know they're not really scientifically valid or antyhing but like... DID you take them?? huh?? did you??please?? ghjj)#I simply cannot resist.. posting a little poll every once in a while.. as a treat#whilst I still fall behind on like actual content and costumes and stuff gbjhbjh#New poll adventure should be not as much of a wait as the last one was though since I already have the writing#for it really. I just have to do the ms paint sketch. hopefully no unexpected other health issues will get in the way#*** *** ***#< (anytime I do these three star patterns it is an ocd compulsion not me bleeping out words or something just ignore it lol)#(it means something secret in my evil brain just pretend you do not see it. significant only to me)#BUT YEAH.. ... poll... what type of costume party atendee are you?#:0c
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sadhorsegirl · 2 years
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need it on the official record that i do love moiraine and lan's relationship sososo much!!!
i love the implicit understanding they have with each other, based partially in the fact that they are both heirs separated from a crown for very different reasons. moiraine and lan are both people who cannot go back to where they came from, whether they want to or not. so there is this shared sense of loneliness, and drift that they share, wrapped up in the idea that they probably aren't going to survive the last battle (or even the journey to it) and would rather sacrifice themselves than have anyone they care for or, in moiraine's case for some people deem more necessary to The Pattern (although to be fair to her, this often still means having a certain level of care for them she just um. wasn't raised to know how to show any healthy positive emotion i don't think) moving in companionable silence eternally Searching™
i've grown increasingly haunted by this exchange they have at the end of new spring:
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like............"surrender after you are dead. yes." is the sentiment set up as one of the core values of their partnership starting from the very moment she decides to ask lan to be her warder. surely, this will end well for all parties and will NOT have any tragic implications!
it sets up this really harsh poetic symmetry (surprise) when they have their Big Fight™ in the great hunt. moiraine LITERALLY invokes how they first met with funny little jokes abt him throwing her in a pond to get his defenses down so she can jump scare him w an intense re-examination of their relationship. the whole fight is basically her forcing him to think on his toes so she can examine him at his most basic emotional level in order to try and expose the truth abt how he feels, going from playful to painful at the flip of a coin lol. and he's aware of it!!! him calling her out on it and her answering back w patented Aes Sedai Speak, in a relationship that should be free of such manipulation.....
the real master stroke here, though, is the fact that the chapter is from moiraine's pov. we get to see her own inner thoughts about it and see that beneath the devastating chess game she's playing she's just as heartbroken at having to play it. the argument is really a crystalization of what makes her such an interesting character for me -- she is leveraging absolutely brutal social dynamics in order to, from her perspective, HELP someone she cares for deeply.
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essentially, moiraine is saying that in his love for nynaeve he's found something to live for beyond sacrifice and that means that their bond to each other must be terminated. he can create a new life, and bc she thinks she understands how everything will play out moiraine thinks she is just cutting down the time before he realizes he can and will ask for her to dissolve the bond anyway. he isn't wed to death anymore, leaving the heavy implication that moiraine still is.
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which sets us up for something really interesting for them in s2 i think! while their relationship in the show seems to generally be under less strain than it is where we see them in the mainline series, there remains another crucial difference btw the books and the show -- moiraine has siuan!!!!! im rly excited to see how that comes into play in terms of any potential interpretation of this fight/the breakdown of lan and moiraine's relationship bc it makes her decision to push him away feel even more hypocritical and rooted in her tendency to be self-sacrificing to the point of self loathing.
tldr for anyone just trying to figure out what this might all mean for season two according to one singular poster on tumblr dot com: in the books moiraine feels very........time to burn all bridges so no one can chase after me on my suicide mission basically and i can't say im NOT excited to see if that's where she ends up in the show (to live is to suffer etc etc)
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lesless · 5 months
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I really feel absolutely normal until like the day after socializing a lot & then I begin to reflect & start to think that my friend’s autistic girlfriend might have been right about me being a little autistic lmaoooo
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crazyw3irdo · 6 months
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been asked if i’ll make a hamlet version of my uquiz and truly like i get why you’d want me to do that but why would i do that when rosencrantz & guildenstern are dead exists
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harmonizewithechoes · 6 months
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phantomdecibel · 2 years
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Microwaving epic: the musical until it explodes like a grape. or a fork-
This is what is happening in my brain rn
So much homework. so much to do. and yet-
*Stares sadly down at epic: the musical*
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studyblr-perhaps · 11 months
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silverislander · 11 months
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i might have to ask my chaucer prof for an extension on this assignment and fucking god i really don't want to. i REALLY don't want to
i've already had to email him to get the details on literally every single assignment and quiz we've done for two different classes bc he keeps forgetting to give them to us on time, so he definitely knows me by now and i am TERRIFIED it's getting annoying even tho i know it was fully justified. i also recently had to ask him to move my presentation date back for this class (bc he didn't fucking give us the topics for weeks on end so i couldn't have started it early even if i hadn't been too busy to try) which he did do
but i am Going Through It rn w my brain. it's getting really bad again. whenever i open the doc w my essay i just have this wave of anxiety and i can't start writing it. there's only five days left until the deadline, it is five pages and i've written two sentences of the intro + have no sources, i do not have time to procrastinate on this i barely have time to finish it as it stands rn
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nightlyvisitor · 1 year
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    IF YOU WERE A DEITY
    WHAT WOULD YOU BE THE GOD OF ?
                °The Stargazer°
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 Deep in a long term love affair with the constellations, you want to believe in tarot, astrology, the patterns of the stars and of destiny. Too often, though, you find that things don't obey the roles ascribed to them, and the people in your life spin out of their orbits. You like to imagine that you're in a film and that everything that happens is just part of a pre-written journey, subject to a formula and written in your favour. 
An in-born compassion for others shadows you wherever you go, as you put others first with a dogged faithfulness. You value things that help you escape. However, to truly find meaning you must let go of the people who hold you back, and accept that the stars are just stars. As a deity, you're the patron god of the night sky, of destiny, of order and logic, of certainty, of wishes and of guidance.
Snagged it from @valour-bound
Tagging: @weepedwords , @infecdead (for steeb!), @ubcs (carlos!), @nightlyterrors and anyone who wants to join in! 
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junranghae · 2 years
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Hmm my vibes have been off today
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dokyeomini · 10 months
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ok helloooo update the date went well aõgnslhksg
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you ask rafe girly questions from a girl magazine ♡
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“this shit so stupid”,rafe said shaking his head.
“please baby,makes me happy”,you giggled as you sat on your knees in your fluffy pink bed.
rafe was settled against the headboard of your bed with his arm crossed and the cutest frown ever on his face.
“’kay ‘kay,go on dollie”
“ ‘kay….so question one : your bff is crying over a boy! you : a) taker her on a shopping spree,duh! b)offer to kill him c) get her fave ice cream & prepare to listen.”
you raise your head towards him waiting for his answer.
“you’re my best friend,why the fuck would you cry over a boy that ain’t me?”
“rafey,please!!!!!! answer seriously.”
“ i’ll kill him”
“ so answer b !” ( your face’s like 😊) you took your pink heart fluffy pen before writing his answer down on your notebook.
“ ‘kay, question two : there’s a huge party and you’re invited! you can’t wait to : a)shake it on the dancefloor b) coordinate stylish looks c)catch up with friends.”
“smoke with you on my lap.”
“huh….that wasn’t in the proposition...”
“b…i like when you match your lingerie color with my shit”
“oh rafey….you’re so cute”,you said getting on all fours to kiss him sweetly on the mouth.
he tried to deepen the kiss but huh huh…
“no no no,grumpy guy,there’s six questions left…sit down,look pretty and answer me”
“yes ma’am.” (🦋🦋)
“question three: pick a stylin’ way to complete an outfit-”
“why d’you talk with a british accent ?”
“shushhh….a) chanel necklace b) demonia boots or c) leg warmers.”
“the chanel one.”
“yay!!!! we matching”´you said touching the pink chanel necklace around your neck,rafe got it for you on your birthday last year.
“question four : your friends love you ’cause you : a) make them laugh b) aren’t afraid to be yourself c) are caring.”
“the second one. why the fuck would i be afraid to be m’self ?”
“exactly,you’re awesome!”
“awesome?okay kid.”
“whateverrrrr…question five : you’re most likely to : a)take a spontaneous trip to europe b)love horror movies c)volunteer at an animal shelter.”
“a…by the ‘way didn’t you say to sarah you wanted to go to italy ?”
“yes!!!!my dream”
“’kay…pack your shit for monday ‘kay ?”
you started screaming and jumping on your bed before jumping down on rafe’s lap.
“love you love you love you love you”,you started kissing his neck.
“mhm mhm….c’mon baby…there’s three questions left.”
“oh yeah…’forgot all about that…so question six : on valentines,you hope to receive from your partner : a) sephora giftcard b) a signed CD by your fave band c) a plushie & chocolates” , you giggled as took your magazine,your notebook and your pink pen. you knew rafe was never going to admit it but he liked answering your little questions ♡
“sex.”
“a plushie & chocolates!!!! such a good choice baby.”
“TGIF!how do you spend the weekend? a)hit up the city with your girls b) work on your project c)binge ghibli movies.”
“work on shit and listen to you whining that i don’t give you enough attention.”
“blah blah blah…last question : pick a perfect job : a) travel blogger b) fashion designer c) owner of a cozy cafe ”
“ceo.”
“baby..’still not in the propositions….”
“the cafe shit.”
“ ‘kay”
you reread all of his answers before checking in which girly universe does rafe belong in.
“you had 1 a) , 4 b) and 2 c) which means that you belong in monster high and bratz world!yay! so they say «creative is your best talent! you aren’t afraid to be yourself & stand out from the crowd. this makes your fashion-forward and ahead of your time! likely has great music taste» ”
“ ‘f course i’m ahead of my ‘time doll, i’m «awesome»”
“i agree with the quiz b’cause you’re such a brat”
“oh i’m a brat ? huh?…..get on your back i’ll show you how bratty i can be,kid”
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hope u loved it ♡ English is not my first language so i apologize for any mistakes <3
based on the magazine by @d3monicas ♡ 🌸
(just a girly song i thought would maybe play in reader’s room)
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slutofpsh · 2 months
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strip for me.
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part two
pairings: hyungline x reader (jay & jake)
synopsis: hyung line got you trapped in a situation that you can’t get away from.
wc: 8k
warnings: smut, minor dni, bullying (not promoting violence or bullying), degrading, dirty talks, curses, masturbation, hyung line being mean. this is not proof read.
note: okay, i’ve been typing this while my eyelids are dropping. i’m so sleepy. anyway, i hope you will enjoy this. part one here, (strip for me).
slutofpsh 2024 © all rights reserved.
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the day after their little playtime, you’re so scared to go to school. hesitating and timidly walking down the street once you got off from the bus that stops right in front of your school. no matter how hard you try, you just can’t help but to worry that they had spread explicit photos of you.
actually, if it weren’t for geometry’s long quiz you would skip school today. the thought of the boys leaking those pictures haunted you the whole night, you can’t even get some sleep. you bet you looked like a zombie right now.
when you stepped inside the classroom, some of your classmates are bickering and joking around as usual. you expected some dramatic scenes where one calls you out and they all laugh at you for being such a loser.
but none of that happened.
some turns their head at your direction, but they didn’t reacted like how you imagined them to do. there’s no laughing at you or calling you names like whore or slut. but instead they gradually went back on the things they’re doing.
does that mean they didn’t see any of your photos?
you’re still in the middle of spacing out when an arm suddenly rests over your shoulder, followed by a sexy chuckle. it was very familiar and you have an idea who it is.
“hi sweetheart.” jake’s voice ringed at your left ear. his body pressed over your side as he leaned closer adding his weight on you.
when you craned your neck to glance at him, you met his playful eyes. his thick and long eyelashes are very evident from this distance, making him look even more attractive in your eyes.
your cheeks instantly blushed because your noses almost touched each other. envious eyes bore onto you, feeling their heated gaze remaining. they're probably wondering why him— the popular jake sim, is currently being touchy with you— a nobody.
“you look pale. something wrong?” his voice sounded so soft, eyes glistening with a bit of concern if you look closely.
his slightly long hair looked so sexy, its even feel illegal to look like that. you’re quick to dismiss that thought, actually think that its wrong to even have an idea of being attracted towards him. he’s not even a good person. he’s like a devil trapped inside an angel’s body.
jake took a step so he can stand in front of you to take a better look. he leans down so he can catch a glimpse of your eyes making you feel even more timid. his puppy-like eyes stares right into you, as if searching for something.
if only you don’t know his true colors, you might think he’s a very innocent boy. but you knew better. jake sim is far from being innocent. on your opinion, out of all the four he’s the pervert one. he has the most corrupt mind. or at least he’s the one who shows that side more.
he’s usually the one who will pull you any time or anywhere whenever he feels like he wants someone to suck his throbbing dick. he doesn’t even care if your class will start in ten minutes or if you’re in the middle of reviewing for something. there was never a time that he’s not in the mood for sex. he’s always up for it. prepared and horny at all times.
“jake...” and you put your hand over his chest to push him away from you, setting a clear boundary between the two of you.
he’s crossing your personal space and its making you uncomfortable.
his actions makes you a bit suspicious of him. they rarely make interaction with you in public unless they’re picking on you or trying to embarrass the hell out of you.
you should not fall for those pretty lips and puppy eyes. jake sim always means trouble.
“hmm? what, baby?” he asks in a low tone, almost in a growling manner. he trapped his lower lip in between his teeth as he gave you this seducing stare. a hint of mischievousness shines through his eyes.
“move away a bit. y-you’re too close.” your eyes unconsciously darted around the classroom and you noticed how some are still watching you two.
jake seems unbothered by it. of course, its not him who will get harassed by their admirers. it would be you.
he chuckles then snaked his arm over your waist, tugging you even closer. he licked his lips, eyes turning dark out of lust over you.
“we both know we’ve been closer than this.” he spat before leaning again, dismissing your attempt of pushing him and setting a line.
“i can still remember how you look like yesterday. full of our cums...” he groaned near your ear that eventually turned red out of embarrasment.
you just wish none from your class heard what he just said. probably none, right? besides, he just whispered it so close to you. he’s so near to the point that you can feel his hot breath fanning your skin, sending shivers through your spine.
you pursed your lips, preventing to make any inappropriate noise to slip off from them. his hold over your waist tightens, like he just couldn’t get enough of you.
“gosh, sweetheart. you’re so hot looking like that.” he pulls away and the first thing you saw is his evil grin. he’s enjoying it. every damn thing, he’s loving it.
his dirty words made you feel sick in the stomach. you tried to move away, but he managed to grab you by your wrist, yanking you back. almost making you hit his chest.
“don’t worry. your pretty pictures are safe.” he says then winked at you. its like he read what’s in your mind moments ago.
your eyes brightens at what you heard, slowly lowering your guard. jake almost laugh at how adorable your eyes shines with relief. but he must admit, he loves it better whenever its full of tears whenever he’s fucking you senseless.
“r-right? you didn’t spread it or anything?” your soft voice almost made him go feral. jake stops himself from getting too excited. he smirks and slid his hand inside his pocket.
“are you crazy? why would i do that? that’s for our eyes only.” he stated, assuring you.
it somehow sent you instant relief. it was horrible to have that kind of photos of you taken without your permission, but its better to be sure that they’re not going to share it to the whole school.
a heaved sigh escapes your pretty lips that caught his attention. his gaze drops over it and eyes grew darkly.
“but we did sent it to beomgyu.” he whispers like a reminder.
your heart sank at what you heard.
“w-what...”
he scoffs, “you heard that right.” he tilts his head while still watching your face grow pale.
“now, he won’t ever try to flirt with you.” and with that he turns his heel and starts heading to his chair.
you’re left standing there alone. feeling a lump inside your throat and chest aching. you can’t explain what exactly that emotion is. but its not good. you feel humiliated and your only wish is to not bump into beomgyu ever again.
“what are you doing?” you snapped out of it when you heard a low voice from behind.
jay, sunghoon and heeseung walks inside the room. their eyes are darted right at you and noticed how you’re just standing there. the two tall boys behind jay are both silently watching you with cold blank eyes.
you’re quick to avoid their gaze and shook your head to dismiss those thoughts before giving jay a look.
“n-nothing.” you shortly replied and started walking to your seat.
the three boys watch you carefully. the displease look on your face evident and made them wonder what just happened to you. jay glances at them and shrugged his shoulders before going to his chair, throwing one last look to your way.
the class then started after your homeroom teacher arrives. it was normal and you tried hard to pay attention to the discussion. you can’t let these things affect your studies as well. if you want to get away from them, you should aim to a bigger university. far from those four boys.
library period is next after your three first subjects. its basically free time for your class, but you have to spend the time inside the library. you love reading so you don’t really mind. some of them take this opportunity to take naps.
you lost the four boys on your way here, making sure they won’t get a grip of you during the whole hour. the library is huge which is good as there’s a big chance of getting away from them. also, you’re sure they won’t make a scene here. specially with a lot of other students around.
you made it at the far left corner of the library and quickly find a vacant table to read the book you chose. its pretty much isolated as the other students decided to occupy the tables near the entrance.
the book you have is pretty good. cliche plots, but you’re entertaining enough to keep you occupied. you’re currently hooked to it when you heard the chair in front of you being dragged by someone.
your head lifts up to check who it was and regret instantly hit you.
it was choi beomgyu.
his eyes darts at your direction. he looked worried. after being reminded that the boys sent him that photo of you, you quickly tried to gather your things to leave. the last thing you'd want is to get confronted about those horrible pictures.
“wait, y/n!” he calls and went after you.
he managed to catch up and hold your wrist, preventing you to take further steps.
you kept your head low to avoid any eye contact. he’s staring at you and his hold, slowly becoming loose once he realized you’re not planning to run away from him.
he lets out a sigh. “i just want to say sorry.”
you raised your head with a confused look on your face. he blinks and he lifts his hand to scratch the back of his neck. his cheeks flushes, ears turning slightly red.
‘is he embarrased or nervous?’ you thought to yourself.
“i didn’t know about what you have with...” he stalls his words, doesn’t really know which one to address.
you gulped, feeling shy as well. you have no idea what exact thoughts he’s having right now.
“i’m sorry. did i get you in trouble?” his voice sounded nothing but concern.
“p-please, can you delete those pictures?” even if you feel so shy to bring it up, you want to make sure that your pictures won’t be seen by anyone else.
his eyes widen before he glanced away, cheeks burning. well one thing is confirmed. he did saw the pics.
“you don’t have to worry about it.” he gulped, still not looking at you. “sunghoon went to see me last night and made sure i deleted all of them.”
and when he turns his head, you saw that he have a small bruse by the side of his cheek. the ones you can’t see properly from where you’re standing.
sunghoon? what did he do?
you knew he have the worst temper from all of them and he got caught into fights multiple times, but you just can’t believe he will hurt beomgyu for that. its their fault that he got those pics on the first place.
“anyway, that’s it. i really felt bad that i got you into troubles with your...” he cleared his throat and licked his lips. “..boyfriends.”
your brows narrowed. “they’re not my boyfriends.”
he whips his head at your direction with widen eyes. “but why—”
you shake your head, dismissing the topic. “its complicated.”
you let out a strained sigh, once again realizing how bad this situation you got yourself into. beomgyu probably feels bad for you too. being a slave for those four evil guys. you cannot say anything at all. you can’t even complain.
“i have to go. i'm relieved that you don’t have those pics—” your heads turned when you heard a thud sound from the nearest aisle.
feeling a little bothered, you trudges towards to check if somebody was there.
no one.
your eyes dropped to the floor and saw a couple of books fell down from the aisle. probably that’s the sound you heard. maybe some students didn’t properly returned the books.
“thank you for deleting them. good bye.” you gave beomgyu a small smile and a bow before leaving him there.
you don’t want to risk it again. if one of them sees you around him, they might take it the wrong way and punish you. who knows what they will do next? they can be very ruthless and cruel. shivers runs through your spine just by imagining or thinking about what will they do.
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when the bell rang signifying that the next period is about to start, you walked inside the class. oddly, the four boys are sat on their chairs.
your brows furrowed slightly, confused. they rarely come early in class. realizing that you’re overthinking things, you went straight to your chair and soon after your teacher enters to start the lesson.
weird. that’s all you can say. the class are almost over and yet none of them came to approach to bother you. nobody even randomly asks for you to meet them somewhere.
they ignored you the whole lunch break too. leaving you alone and peacefully eating your food. that’s a normal thing for other people, but for someone who often being dragged for their little playtime, you find it a little weird.
they’ve been silent after that library period and honestly its making you a bit anxious. they’re so calm and its a bad thing for you. when its too calm, a big storm is about to unfold.
dismissal came, the loud bell ringing all through the hallways. your eyes glanced at them and they’re fixing their things, jake’s talking to jay. sunghoon’s on his phone while heeseung is silently putting his textbook inside his locker.
you have no idea what you’re expecting, but having them completely ignoring you pinches something in you. this is actually a good thing. they’re not bothering you and you can go home peacefully. but a part of you somehow wonders, feels slightly heavy.
when you finished doing your thing, you roamed your eyes around the classrom and they’re not there. you didn’t even notice them leaving the room. jake didn’t purposely bumped into you, reminding you to meet them by the parking lot or somewhere.
in order to make it on the bus stop, you have to walk pass by the wide parking lot of the school. and as you make your way out along with the other students, your eyes caught a familiar tall figure.
it was sunghoon and beside him was a girl. she’s all smile while trying so hard to keep up with the pace of him walking. with those long legs, it sure is hard to catch up on him. sunghoon’s not that friendly, but it didn’t stop him from getting admirers.
normally, he gets rid of them. but you saw how he actually entertain and crack a conversation with her. it was again odd.
not too far from where his car is, you saw jake. he's leaning over his car while talking— more like flirting with this girl. you know her. she’s from the class next to yours. she’s part of the cheerleading squad, a very beautiful girl. he’s always nice to girls, a playboy. that’s how he's usually described so it wasn’t news to see him like this around her.
jay arrived not long after and he greets the girl jake’s talking to before putting his things inside his own car. he seems to be interested to their topic as instantly joins in their conversation.
noticing that heeseung’s nowhere near them, you tried to search for him. and you’re taken aback seeing him leaning over his car and looking straight at you like he’s been watching you ever since you stopped to watch them.
you gulped and stared back for a while before glancing away to leave. a bitter feeling slowly occupies your chest and you try so hard to get rid of it. its wrong to feel that way. you should feel relieved that finally they’re taking interest towards some other girls.
since you have no friends, you’re often alone around the campus. somehow, even if you feel like they’re just around you whenever they wanted to play, they make you feel like you’re not alone. they make you feel like existing.
and watching them slowly lose interest over you are both nice and bothering for you. being used to their presence from time to time made it seems like you’re losing more than gaining something.
the next day, you tried hard to act normal. despite the heavy feeling on your chest and eyes puffy than usual.
the class are loud the moment you stepped in and you scanned the room automatically. they’re not yet here. its still early so its not a surprise anymore.
“yo, jake!” your feet stopped at what you heard.
just when you’re about to look over your shoulder, someone walked pass by you. his familiar manly scent invading your nose that informs you that it was indeed jake sim who arrived.
your heart cracked at how he acted. he smiles at that one friend who greets him, dabbed him and started chatting.
‘maybe he didn’t see me?’ your thought to yourself.
but that’s clearly impossible. jake knew the whole built of your body. he can tell its you even from a good distance, what more if he walks pass by you? he is ignoring you.
you shoved that bitter feeling and just head on your chair. a part of you want to go and ask them what’s up or why they’re suddenly like this, but another part refrain you from doing so. you knew you shouldn’t.
the next few days, its still the same. all of them acts like you didn’t even exist in their world. it should be a good thing and being bothered by it should be the least you occupy your mind, but you can’t help it.
maybe their presense really planted something deep inside your mind. causing you to feel a bit sadder than usual now that they’re ignoring you. it sounds hilarious, but it seems like you grew attached to them.
wednesday, it was a normal school day. you went to school feeling a little bit more dead on the inside. is it just you or its really boring these days? like something’s missing.
you arrived inside your classroom and didn’t bother to look around. straight up, you headed over to your chair then slump yourself to the table. eventually the classroom got filled with students. you tried so hard to avoid searching the other boys.
“since the fieldtrip will be on sunday, i need all your signed consent letter by your parents. if you don’t have it, i can’t let you come.” your homeroom teacher announced.
one by one, your classmates stands up to place the paper over the teacher’s table. you rummaged inside your bag, going through your things to look for the notebook where you put it. after finally finding it you stood up and walks towards your teacher.
“thank you.” your teacher smiles warmly and eyes shifted on the figure behind you.
even before you can turn around to check, your back collided with a hard chest then a low husky voice follows.
“here’s mine.” sunghoon then leans towards the table, pressing his chest on your back even more. his scent invades your nose and it was making you feel things.
you gulped, getting rid of the lump on your throat. he seems totally unbothered by the contact, unlike you. thankfully, he did moved away after handing the paper to your teacher.
when he finally walks back to his place, that’s when you got the chance to move those feet. feeling your knees slightly wobble out of nervousness from that fine man.
even without checking their direction, you can tell that their piercing and predatory stare they’re giving you. its making you more on edge. no matter how many times they do that it never changes the way it affects you.
it slightly made you confused because they’ve been ignoring you. none of them had spoken to you for days and now here’s that feeling again. oddly, the somersault in your stomach didn’t bothered you.
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it was almost lunch break when you felt a soft tap over your shoulder while peacefully reading. you craned your neck and looked at the person from behind.
“yeah?” you asked, finding it odd that she’s interacting with you. the displeased look on her face gave away the thought that she's just being forced to do this.
“here.” she says and placed a pile of paper at your table, which you followed with your gaze.
“what’s this?”
she sighs and rolled her eyes a bit, “its our signed consents. the teacher said you should take it to the student council’s office.”
“huh? why me?” you blurt out.
she frowns at your response. “how should i know?!” she hissed then rolled her eyes again. “just take it.” and with that her heels turned to start walking away, off to go back to her friends.
realizing being left with no choice but to comply, you grabbed the stack of papers and start heading the said office.
while on your way, your steps gets slower then eventually halted from your tracks. now that you’re finally going back to your senses, you remembered that heeseung and jay are both part of the student body.
heeseung’s the president and jay’s the vice. personally, you think they’re not deserving of the position as they secretly torment you, but the competition between them and the other participants were not even a close call. their votes were beyond far from the other party.
after letting out a nervous sigh, you started walking again. you tried convincing yourself that they’re probably done with you by now.
a pinch in your heart and you want to curse yourself. not just by feeling a hint of disappointment, but because of the excitement slowly flaring inside your chest. its making your hand shakes a bit, anticipation looming right after.
arriving right in front of their office alloted for the school’s student body, you gulped. feeling so nervous and at the same time thrilled, you needed some time to calm yourself down.
a few knocks at the door is what you do and not even twenty seconds, the door opened.
the first thing you see is park jongseong’s furrowed brows. he looked so attractive with that serious expression on his face.
your mouth gaps, reading to defend yourself for being here when he didn’t even question your presence. he just turned his back then walks towards where he’s probably sitting before your knocked.
you blinked a couple of times, still a little fazed of his behavior. it was a bit weird reaction or maybe that’s how he really is to other people. your heart sank, shoulder almost obviously lowering.
“w-where should i put these?” you tried cracking a conversation with him. it was a bit pathetic on your side.
“on the table.” he shortly replied without even sparing you a glance.
his cold demeanor clearly hurt you that made the corner of your eyes sting. you’re already aware that they’re ignoring you, but this is like a slap to your face.
after you placed it along with the other stacks of paper, you turned around quickly, ready to bolt out from this place when he talk again.
“did i said that you can leave?” jay's husky voice almost echoes through the whole room.
it caught you off-guard that your feet moves even before your brain can process it. with both hands on your sides, you stood by the door awkwardly. his eyes met yours and it didn’t reflect any emotions that adds up to the heavy atmosphere.
“u-uh, do you need me to bring something?” you glanced away and tries to look around the room, trying to find something that can flicker your interest.
he shakes his head side to side before he prompt his chin at the vacant sofa by the corner. eventually understanding what he meant, you trudged over where he wants you to be.
“i’ll be done with this in a bit.” he stated that you only answered with a short nod.
you’re clueless and unable to comprehend anything that’s happening. assumedly, you’re here only to deliver the consent letters and now he’s not letting you leave?
your heart batters faster than usual, casually making you percieved of slight pain on your chest. the main reason for this occurence is still unknown, but that’s the least of your concern.
the whole room fell silent once again after jay’s last sentence. you kept your mouth shut despite enduring the boredom.
your body jolted when jay pushed his chair away from the table after closing his laptop. your heart starting to thump fast once again when you felt his heated gaze darted at you.
he’s not saying anything that made you even more agitated. his eyes bore onto you, not glancing away even for a second. finally, he heavs a sigh before trudging in front of the sofa.
when he’s in front of you, feet almost touching, he stops and stares down. with a thumping heart you tried to look at him, but ends up failing as you are quick to tear your gaze off.
“take off your panties.”
your breath hitched and you felt like you’ve heard that wrong. with your mind clouded with a lot of things, there’s a possibility that you just misheard it, right?
with widen eyes, you glanced at him dumbfounded. “excuse me?”
he tilts his head, still with a placid look on his face. hands sliding inside the pocket of his uniform’s trousers.
“take off your panties.” he repeats himself for you.
“strip for me.” the familiar words he utters sent instense shivers over your spine. it was crazy how used you are on hearing those words that it doesn’t caught you off guard anymore.
“b-but,” your eyes glanced at the direction of the door and instantly, jay understood.
he turns and starts walking towards it, the hills of his shoes clicking on the floor. the sound itself make you feel your stomach churn.
he reaches for the knob and smoothly locked it. he faced you once again and huffs, “better now, baby?”
your knees wants to give out even though you’re already sat down after hearing him say that endearment.
with the lack of response, jay stood in front of you again then rest his hand on his hips.
“do it now.”
“what if some people comes inside?” your voice shakes that makes jay’s mind clouded.
“i already locked it. nobody’s going inside.”
“what if they knock—”
“are you going to take it off or do you want me to do it?” he asks with a calm voice.
your lips got caught in between your teeth. contemplating whether to do as he said or no. the door is a few feet away, you can just bolt and escape him. that thought dissipate as he moves to your line of vision.
“y/n.” this time his tone sounds so stern.
with flustered face, you lowered your head and slowly reach for your underwear. you have no idea what’s his reaction because you’re avoiding to look at jay’s eyes.
“good girl.”
you can swear that your face is as red as tomatoes right the moment. with how sexy his low voice sounds and at what you’re doing, heat rushes your cheeks.
after sliding the small garment off, you closed your thighs, feeling so naked without it. jay’s eyes grew dark at the sight of you being like this.
“don’t hide from me.” he ordered and pressed his hand over your shoulder to make you rest at the sofa.
you slightly yelp at what he did and soon, one of his hand pushed your thighs apart. you blushed and tries to fight back which leads to nothing as he just swiftly made his way. jay’s glared at you once in your failed attempt of stopping him.
“look at that,” he stated while staring down at your now exposed core.
you shut your eyes, feeling so embarrassed. this isn’t the first time he saw you like this. he even saw you without anything on, but because its been days since they last had their playtime, it made you feel even more awkward than usual.
“you’re already so wet for me, baby.” he whispers, eyes growing darker out of lust while almost salivating at the view of your pussy clenching over nothing.
“such a slut for me.” he leans in and gather a generous amount of saliva then let it drip down on your core.
you pursed your lips harder and threw your head back while shutting your eyes. the view feels too illegal to watch. it is illegal to these kind of things here, in this office, at your school. the amount of trouble you’ll get into once caught.
“j-jay,” you almost bit your tongue as the suppose to be warning came out as a mone.
he glanced at you over his eyelashes before dipping his head down, finally connecting his lips at your dripping core.
“ugh," your fingers unconsciously grabbed his hair that instantly made you crack your eyes open, surprise by your own action.
“i'm s-sorry,” you said and was about to pull it away when he rest his big hands over yours. keeping it in place.
“its okay, you can touch my hair.” he said before going back on lapping senselessly over your cunt.
it made you hitch your breath and lose your mind. the feeling of his tongue grazing all the sides of your womanhood and how amazingly he’s doing it is too much. the way he makes out with your clit, tongue sliding in to your hole from time to time.
“j-jay, oh my gosh—” you clash your hand on your mouth to keep silent. afraid to make noticeable noises that can gather attention from outside.
“so sweet.” he groans through your pussy, the vibration almost sent you to oblivion. over the right things that you should do, like push him away and leave this place.
instead of doing that, your fingers carded his soft hair and grabbed over it feeling a knot on your stomach. climax almost reaching you.
when you’re about to reach the heaven, jay pulls away and you almost groaned out of displeasure and the lost contact from his sinful mouth. jay smirks and smoothly took off his trousers.
you gulped, eyes full of anticipation of seeing his erect manhood. jay didn’t even bother taking it all off, just enough to pull his member out in the open. his cock is so hard and thick, making you feel conscious about how it would stretch you out good.
muffled curses showers your mind as you fight your demons trying to escape you.
he strokes his cock a few times before nearing it to your core. when its head slightly grazes your line, you whimpered softly, catching his attention. jay scoffed smugly. proud that its him making you feel like this, making you look like you’re going to lose your mind.
he traces your line using his throbbing head and then he finally slid it inside, all of his length. he watches it disappeared as it fully enters you making the two of you let out sensual moans.
“fuck.” he curses as your grip over his arm tightens.
he glances at you and when he saw how you have your eyes shut, he taps your cheeks gently. “watch me fuck you good, baby.”
and with that you obliged to his demands. you let yourself get drawn by his hot stares and fall on his trap. it was as if you just lose control of your own body and just follows what he’s about to tell you.
“oh you’re taking me so well.” he growled above you as he continue fucking his dick deep inside in a slow pace. it was torture.
he kept it like that until he felt you tightening around him, suffocating his cock. he knows you’re about to come and the look on your face just makes him want to just fuck you senseless. but it wasn’t the plan.
you can almost taste it. mind clouded by nothing but the thought of creaming around jay’s hardened cock. the imminent pleasure that approaching made you nibble on your lips a little bit more harder, that you’re sure it will bleed anytime soon.
“oh gosh—” brows narrowing closer as he reaches deeper of your insides.
but the clear anticipation came running down the drain when jay suddenly pulls it out leaving you hanging, losing your chance to reach climax. frustration and embarrasment replacing them right away.
jay finished outside of you after he strokes his dick a few more times, shooting his thick cum on your hole. you look at him in disbelief, wondering if he happens to miss that you haven’t reached your climax yet. it was impossible.
it was confirmed when you saw the evident smirk on his lips as he stood up. the conniving look on his face ignites annoyance inside of you.
feeling too naked and definitely uneasy, you decided to pick your underwear and slid it back, disregarding the uncomfortable wet juice still leaking out from your neglected core.
“see you around, y/n.” you even heard him say before you left him inside that room.
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it was your last two subjects and you’re still on a foul mood. after what happened at the student council’s office with jay, you can’t get rid of your bad mood. maybe because you’ve been denied of your release. for the first time. you never knew it felt this way.
“y/n, coleen and shin.” your head perks up at the mention of your name.
“please go to the journalism club room. its your turn to take your i.d pictures.” the homeroom teacher announces.
the other girls that was called stood up right away. you don’t want to go. you’re not really on the mood to take pictures. not when you’re feeling sulky and pissed off.
in the end, you forced yourself up and go to take your i.d picture. all you want is for you to go home and finally leave this place.
the club room is at the other side of the building and you can see that some students are around the hallway, goofing around.
since the journalism club have talented photographers, they’re tasked to take the student’s i.d pictures for this school year. you didn’t think too much of it as it doesn’t bother you at all. the school can do whatever they want.
when you entered the club, its filled with students. you noticed curtains that serves as divisions inside. there are a total of four stalls where students gets inside to get their pictures taken. probably one photographers waiting for them.
multiple sounds of cameras clicking can be heard around.
“please find your section and name here then sign.” the girl at the table near the entrance caught your attention.
you nodded and proceed on finding your name. after doing that, you’re instructed to write your full name on a white piece of paper.
“head over the stall at the end.” she says not even throwing you a glance and focuses on arranging something on her laptop.
you ignored her behavior and just walks to the end stall. the curtain that serves as the door to keep privacy is thick, preventing you from seeing what’s inside.
you moved it and your heart fell at the sight of a man’s back.
jake sim.
probably noticing your presence and hearing the shuffling of the curtain, he looked over his shoulder. his lips curled into a grin at the sight of you. his messy hair paired with his glasses looks so good on him. his free hand raises and pulls his lollipop out from his mouth, making a ‘pop’ sound.
“what are you waiting for? get inside.” he tilts his head, prompting you to come in.
“o-oh, okay.” and you stepped inside.
he pushed forward making you smell him more as he reaches for the curtain to close it behind you.
“sit down at the chair please.” his sweet voice rings on your ear making you feel things.
you follow what he said and sat down at the chair by the center. he was doing something on his camera, totally focused while his tongue plays with the lollipop that is now inside his mouth.
the frustration from before got you too occupied that you failed to remember that he’s part of this club. jake sim just can’t be more perfect. he cannot just be the smart, handsome student who came from a wealthy family. of course, he’s good at taking photos too.
“all right.” he says and finally diverts his attention towards you.
it caught you off guard and totally took your breath away. he glances down at the paper you’re holding. he raises one of his eyebrow then glanced back at your eyes.
“get rid of that paper. i know your full name so damn well.” he says and grabbed the paper to throw it to the side.
“smile for the camera.” he said casually and placed it near his face.
you've seen him with his camera before. during events at school and the journalism needs to cover it, he will be around taking pictures. he looked so handsome whenever he’s doing that. you can tell he loves doing it.
“sweetheart,” he pulls away from the camera to look at you.
“huh?” you asked totally spacing out.
“show me that pretty smile.”
you quickly blushed because of his words. he clicked the camera a playful smile spreads across his face. he didn’t pull away this time but give you subtle compliments, enjoying how good you look right now.
for jake, whenever you look so clueless and innocent, that’s when he loses his mind the most. he feels like his purpose in this life is to corrupt you, taint you in any possible way he can.
“that's it. very pretty.” he clicked multiple times and when he finally gets satisfied, he pulls away to check them out.
you heaved out a sigh, trying to relax yourself. just by then you realized that you’ve been holding your breath. jake’s taking him away from you.
“okay, we got it.” he announced that made you feel relief.
you thanked him and stood up, ready to leave when his arm blocked you from taking further steps. he looked at you with furrowed brows.
“where are you going?”
“outside?” you answered unsure.
“go sit back down. we’re not yet done.” he says sternly and unplugged something from his camera.
maybe it was the cord connecting the camera to the laptops outside. so the students outside can see the actual shots right away.
“but i t-thought you said...” your words stalls when he shoot you this intimidating stares.
it left you with no choice but to walk back to the chair and sit down. jake’s face relaxes and he smirks again.
“now, take off your clothes.”
“w-what?”
he shrugged his shoulders. like he didn’t just said the most hilarious thing he can say inside a studio filled with other students.
“you heard me, sweetheart.” he clicks the side of his cheeks attractively.
“strip for me.” jake’s smile was so evil when he say those words.
you kept still, hands fidgets feeling uneasy. he is the type you can’t say no to. because he will turn sulky right away. and sulky jake is bad news.
“b-but there’s students around, jake. they might see—”
“what do you think of me? stupid?” he scoffs, sounding a bit offended. panic occurs you, ready to defend yourself and explains that its not what you’re trying to conclude
“i already told you that we’re the only ones allowed to see your body.” he sounded so serious, scaring you slightly.
“now take it off before i end up ripping them off of you.” he added aggressively.
it scared you. you knew he will do it.
his eyes sparkled when he saw you reaching for your buttons. with flustered face, your eyes glances away from his piercing eyes. he started taking photos of you. the continuous clicking of his camera and him not saying anything made you feel on edge.
he took multiple photographs of your exposed upper body while your skirt are still on. for jake it was perfect. he can print this pictures and tape it on his room wall so he can stare at it all day.
“panties off. i want to see my cunt.” he then settles down his camera at the sight.
you gulped, the memory of what happened earlier this day with jay flashes back to your mind. the way this somehow reminds you of that scene is crazy. its too similar, but at the same time different. due to their unalike personalities, they’re delivering the same scenarios in their own styles.
he was licking the lollipop like as if imagining it was your pussy he was devouring. he watches while you take off your undergarment, slightly feeling impatient.
the lollipop was out from his mouth as it gaps the moment he saw your pussy. he glances at your eyes shortly then steps closer.
he licked his lips then touches your chin to make you look up at him. you looked at his eyes and he leans to kiss you, sliding his tongue inside your mouth, giving you a taste of the sweetness from the candy.
your mouths continued doing that for a while before he moves away, looking completely drunk in lust for you. he roams his eyes around your face before giving you one last peck.
he then crouches down to be in the same level as your cunt. he leans closer, his breath fanning your sensitive skin. your breath is heavy, unable to contain the lust forming inside you as well.
he raises his hand then tastes the lollipop again then pulls out. he then dips his head, lips kissing your core. you let out a gasp, surprised. a hand clapped over your mouth to muffle any sound.
he pulls away as he looks up to you with his doe puppy-like eyes.
“your cunt is definitely sweeter.” he commented and threw the candy away shamelessly before starting diving back in to eat you out.
“oh my— j-jake!” you whispered, trying to contain your whimpers and control yourself.
he chuckles while still mouth connected on you. he didn’t waste any second before sliding two fingers inside, fucking it inside you with a way that sends your mind somewhere else.
“cunt so sweet, so perfect.” he praises as he continues.
he glances at you and saw how desperation flickers your eyes. you looked adorable trying not to make any sound, afraid that you’ll be caught for doing nasty things inside the school premises.
“you’re so pretty, aren’t you sweetheart?” he asks with a hint of innocence like as if he’s not finger fucking you right now.
he opens his sinful plump lips then slide his tongue out, leaning down to your core to start working on your clit while his fingers are busy sliding in and out of you.
the feeling was too much, the sensation is too much for you to bear that it made you groan. your hand are tightly gripping your mouth to muffle the sound as much as you can.
“s-so near,” you whispered while staring down at him eating you deliciously.
“yeah? cum for me then...” he says shortly.
he was doing a great job on pleasuring you that it was not long until you can feel the familiar knot forming inside your stomach. it slightly worry you that he will do the same thing jay did.
“cum for me, sweetheart. let me get a taste of that sweet juice of yours.” he mumbles sounding so sexy, eyes never leaving you.
“j-jake.” you moaned his name.
he smirks, “that’s right. i’m the one making you feel crazy.” he sounded so full of himself, smug.
“ugh," your head threw back, eyes tightly shut as you shakes a bit after reaching your most wanted release.
jake’s lips on your core, making sure to harvest every bit of your sweet cum. he’s addicted and he’s not even bothered by it.
still high from that delicious climax, you couldn’t help but travel your gaze down to his pants. a dent slightly showing that made you salivate a bit.
“we’re done.” he says that snapped you out of your trance.
you looked at him confused. “h-huh?”
he smirks, “what? you want something else?” he taunts with a hint of sarcasm.
“you’re not getting my dick today, sweetheart. that’s my punishment for you.”
your brows draws closer at his remark. wondering what he meant by punishing you. as far as you remember, you didn’t do anything wrong. so why is he punishing you?
now, jay slids in your mind and wonders if not letting you cum is his way of punishing you.
“i’m done with stall number four.” jake shouts, informing the student outside that he’s finished with his business.
he glances at you and when the lust faded, embarrasment kicks in. you quickly fixed yourself and hurried outside.
everyone seems to be busy with their own business so none of them took notice of your slightly crumpled uniform and your forehead filled with beads of sweat.
once you stepped outside the club room, your steps halted when you saw heeseung and sunghoon heading your way. their eyes both have those cold, dark stares that made your heart race.
heeseung gave you a cold shoulder like usual, walking pass by you and straight to the club room.
sunghoon blocked your way. he’s staring right at you before running his eyes down to your feet. after observing you for a while, his hand raises to fix your blouse.
“students should always wear their uniform properly.” he utters in a low voice.
such big words coming from someone who have the first three buttons of his uniform open. you kept your mouth shut and just glance away.
he sighs after doing the small fixing on you.
“t-thank you.” you just ended saying that, feeling awkward.
his attention then darted at the door of the club room when it swings open, “hoon, its our turn.” heeseung calls for the younger friend.
he nods and soon dart his eyes at you.
“meet me after practice tomorrow at the ice hockey’s locker room.” he leans and places a kiss on your neck before heading towards heeseung. leaving you completely dumbfounded at his actions.
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(replies and reblog my works. send asks too! thank you so much.)
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wqnwoos · 9 days
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Your first and only semester as TA throws your previously unassuming college life into disarray, fuelled almost entirely by the brown-eyed and charming student who’s slipping closer to failing with every lecture. And in return for your mathematical assistance, Lee Chan decides he’s going to set you up with the guy you’ve been persistently pining over for a year and a half. It’s a simple equation: you teach him calculus, and he’ll teach you how to flirt. Except, as you’re both quick to discover, mathematical equations don’t translate over to real life as easily as you’d expect.
as part of the svt ta collab hosted by @camandemstudios !
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⇢ pairing: lee chan x ta!reader
⇢ genre: fluff, idiots2lovers, minor angst?
⇢ wc: 10.2k (i’m just as surprised as u are)
⇢ a/n: so many people to thank (the whole collab server for all the sprinting!!) but especial thank u to cam (@/highvern) and em (@/gyuswhore) for hosting this collab. they put SO much work into this and i couldn’t be more grateful to be part of it, so thank you both for everything!!! and thank you to alta (@/haologram) for being my first official beta ever and managing to convince me to not trash the whole thing <3
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“I NEED YOUR help.”
Those are probably the last four words you expect to come out of Lee Chan’s mouth. Because you’ve graded his assignments and you’ve seen his work and you’re pretty sure he’s doing above average in the calculus class you’re TA’ing this semester. 
So when he manages to corner you after one of the lectures to ask for some extra tutoring, you’re startled, to say the least. “You need my help?”
He nods, once. You cock your head to the side, and your surprise must show on your face, because he fishes a slightly crumpled looking paper out of his bag. You recognise it as the latest quiz, one that, fortunately, landed on the other TA’s marking pile. Scrawled at the very top, in Joshua’s unforgiving red pen, is a glaringly large ‘F - 27%’.
“It was only a pop quiz,” you say encouragingly, hiding your sympathetic wince. “Doesn’t count for anything.”
“I can’t afford to let my grades slip,” he counters quickly, like he’s prepared for this. “Which they are And I really don’t get this module. I just think some extra time could help, but I’m terrible at teaching myself.”
You look at him for a long moment. He can’t be more than a year or two younger than you, this boy with eager brown eyes and a hopeful smile; it’s almost charming, how he leans forward in anticipation of your reply, how worried he is about one small test. And — well. You’ve seen the grade sheets, and his grades are slipping. Not drastically, but this is your job, after all.
“Well,” you say finally, glancing at your watch. “Why don’t you come to the office hours tomorrow, and we’ll go over the quiz? And we can go from there.”
He smiles then, so sudden and bright you almost feel caught in it. “Perfect!” he agrees, as he takes his quiz back, shoving it haphazardly into his bag. “I’ll see you then. Oh, wait — my name’s Chan, by the way.”
You cast him an amused look as you zip up your own bag. “I know that.”
“Oh! Cool! Nice! That’s — yeah. I’ll see you tomorrow!” And as he backs away he stumbles over his own feet, catching himself before he topples over. He sends you a sheepish, flushed smile that makes you smile too. You’re always quick to smile at the students, and you send off the younger boy with a wave. Despite being a math major who loves her subject, you know just how much people despise it. Especially calculus.
“What’s got you thinking so hard?” A light voice interrupts your thoughts, and you jump, before turning to face Hong Joshua with a smile just as sheepish as Lee Chan’s was only moments ago.
“Nothing much,” you say, laughing awkwardly. Trying to look anywhere but at his honey brown eyes, you shuffle papers as you continue. “Just about how much people hate math.”
Joshua smiles that breathtaking smile, and your stomach quite literally does a flip. “Why? People bullying you for being smart again?”
You’d mentioned to him that you got made fun of in high school once for liking math. He refuses to let it go: you roll your eyes at him. “No. It was just a train of thought.”
“People who hate math are just not as cool as us,” he says, picking up his own folder, flashing you another smile.
(Us. Your stomach could be Simone Biles, with the amount of somersaults it’s landing today.)
“But anyway,” he continues, checking the time with a frown, “I gotta go. I’ll see you around, dude.”
Dude. There it is: just as quickly as you inflate, you deflate, watching him leave with a wrinkled brow. The problem with Hong Joshua is that he makes it incredibly easy to fall for him — and all the while, he’ll remain incredibly oblivious. You’re just another one of the sorry suckers who isn’t careful enough to nip it in the bud. But really, can you be blamed, when he looks like that? When he acts like that, all sweet and caring and let-me-hold-open-the-door-for-you?
You snap yourself out of your reverie with a sigh. Back to reality, as your mother always says — and your reality is the pile of algebra waiting for you back home.
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“What I don’t understand,” Seungkwan says thoughtfully, pacing Chan’s room with his hands folded behind his back, “is why you’re putting on cologne to go to office hours.”
Chan hears the know-it-all tone under his roommate’s pretension, and he resents it. Running a final hand through his hair, and glancing himself over in the mirror one more time, he turns back to Seungkwan with a frustrated scoff. “Does it matter?”
“A problem shared is a problem halved,” Seungkwan wheedles, “In this case, it’d be a problem thirded. Three’d. You know what I mean - there’s three of us to share your problem. Right, Vernon?”
Vernon just blinks from his seat on Chan’s bed, slow and confused. “I don’t really know what we’re talking about. But sure.”
“Nothing,” Chan answers brutally, snatching up his bag. “We’re talking about nothing. Because I don’t have a problem, and Seungkwan’s just being nosy.”
“Look at him!” Seungkwan gesticulates loudly to Vernon, “look how dressed up he is. For class — for calculus! Nobody dresses up for calculus!”
“Ahhh,” Vernon nods slowly, drawing it out; and then he pauses, furrows his brows and asks mildly, “But isn’t that just because he has a crush on his TA?”
Chan hisses; Seungkwan triumphs. “I knew it!” he declares with glee, “I knew there was something! Who is she? Do you have a picture?”
“Nobody,” Chan grinds out, grabbing his backpack and jamming his feet into his worn-out shoes, casting Vernon a resentful look. “And I do not have a picture. But if I did, I wouldn’t show you. Goodbye.” And with that magnificent gesture, he shuts the door firmly behind him.
He’s not late to office hours. He never is. In fact, he’s three minutes early, but you’re already there, along with one or two other classmates he knows by sight but not by name. You’re leaning over one of their desks, talking rapidly as you gesture to the papers in front of them, lanyard swinging.
Chan doesn’t have a crush on you, contrary to what seems to be popular belief. Well. Not a big one. Like, a teensy tiny one, maybe. He thinks you’re pretty, and you’re smart, and you’re incredibly kind. But does he have a crush on you? No. Are his intentions here solely to get to know you better, in order to have a crush on you? Yes. In fact, that’s exactly what this is. Pursuing the butterflies in his stomach. Just out of interest, he reminds himself, as he pushes open the door and you turn around. Pure, innocent interest.
Within an hour of his entrance, you’ve explained every one of Chan’s mistakes — and there were a lot — in digestible detail. Twice as efficient and twice as digestible as Lee, the old, weak-voiced professor with an evidently wrong glasses prescription. He says as much to you, which has you laughing and shaking your head. (“Don’t,” you scold, even as you smile, “he’s so nice, though.”)
The professor is nice. Chan thinks you’re nicer.
He leaves office hours even brighter than he entered. Those butterflies are multiplying.
And, as it turns out in the very next week, when there’s yet another pop quiz — Chan is under the suspicion that Professor Lee doesn’t plan his lessons and just shoves last year’s quizzes at them instead —  he does actually need your help. His grades are getting worse. There’s always the other TA, Joshua, who Chan actually happens to know, but Chan thinks that his half-crush is worth following up on. At the very least, you could be a good friend.
Is pretending to need calculus tutoring in order to get to know a girl his finest moment? No. Because as much as he tries to justify this with his slipping grades, he knows perfectly well he could be doing excellently (well, averagely) if he put a little more effort in. But is that as appealing as the TA with the best laugh he’s ever heard? And so, somehow, with impressive persuasive skills he probably picked up from Jeonghan by accident, Chan manages to wheedle you into tutoring him, smiling as you hmm’ed and haa’ed and bit your lip nervously. 
“I’ve got a full list already,” you had said slowly, and he’d jumped in before you could go down the route of polite refusal.
“I know, I know, but seriously — I’ll be the best student you’ve ever had! I’m a good learner, I swear. I can study whenever you want.” 
Which is how he landed himself early morning sessions — and when you said early, you weren’t kidding. The times you’ve scheduled for him to start range between eight to ten, and he specifically didn’t book morning classes this semester because he loves his sleep. But still: his grades are slipping, and there’s a cute girl on the line, so he takes his success with warmth  — or perhaps it’s just the thought of spending more time with you, but whatever it is, he feels like he’s glowing, inside out. 
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Your first tutoring session with Lee Chan goes surprisingly well. The moment he began halfway guilt tripping  you into tutoring him (“Imagine if my grades slip so far, I don’t get to graduate on time. Could you live with that?”), you knew he was something. And somehow, you still agreed to this, despite being loaded with all the shit a master’s student has on their plate, on top of TA’ing. Maybe you should work on saying no sometimes, but who are you kidding? You don’t have time to deal with your possibly self-destructive flaws, not when your to-do list is three miles long 
Despite your qualms, however, Chan turns out to be a great listener. He doesn’t act pissy when you tell him he’s doing something wrong, either, which is already better than half your students. 
“I probably seem really stupid,” he says with a quiet laugh, as he re-attempts a question from the last quiz.
“Not at all,” you say instantly. “Don’t tell Lee, but calculus is the worst, anyway.”
He lifts his head with curved lips — “Oh? From the words of the mathematical extraordinaire herself?” 
Immediately, you’re growing hot, shaking your head and laughing, looking away. “Oh, come on. Don’t call me that.”
Chan’s eyes don’t move from yours — it’s like you can physically feel the weight of his gaze, sometimes. You’ve never met someone with so much… presence. “Why not?” he asks. “Own it. Professor Lee says that about you all the time.”
“Okay, not me specifically,” you correct quickly, “he says that about Joshua too.”
Chan clicks his tongue dismissively. “Yeah, but Joshua’s a piece of shit anyway, so…”
Your surprise must be visible on your face, because when Chan looks back at you, he laughs out loud, louder than the other students in the library are happy with; they cast him dirty looks, but it’s like they bounce straight off him. He only lowers his voice a little, leaning closer. “Joshua and I are friends,” he explains, amused, “I’m not serious. But anyway, if you don’t even like calculus, what are you doing TA’ing it?”
You shrug. “I don’t know, just… Lee asked me to, so I was like, why not?”
“I can’t imagine anything worse,” Chan says bluntly, “than teaching a bunch of people how to integrate shit.”
A giggle slips out of you before you can prevent it; he makes you do that a lot. Laugh, without meaning to. “Well. That’s why I majored in Math. I don’t mind.” You hesitate. “What are you actually majoring in?”
His eyes do that thing again. Sparkle. He bites down on his lip, as if suppressing a smile. “Math.”
“What?” You can’t help it, you’re laughing again, louder this time and trying to stifle it. “You never said!”
“You never asked!” He mirrors your incredulous tone teasingly. 
“You just let me embarrass myself like that.”
“You didn’t do anything embarrassing.” 
You try to ignore his eyes on you again, picking up your pencil to doodle awkwardly in your notebook. “I thought you were like… on a sports program. Or in, like, accounting or something.”
Impossibly, his smile widens. “Those are two very different things.” 
The playful lilt to his tone does something to your stomach. “Have you finished your question yet?” You change the subject so sharply that he laughs again, sliding his notebook over to you.
You glance over it, blinking in surprise. “That’s perfect,” you say, pushing it back towards him. “Well done.”
That smile shifts into something more — well, if you didn’t know any better, you’d call it flirty. Lopsided and charming. “Yeah, well,” he says, packing up his stuff, “I‘ve got a great teacher.”
The tutoring sessions continue to pass much the same. Chan does his work, but keeps stopping to ask you all kinds of questions in between. Your favourite colour. Your favourite type of coffee. Your favourite movie, TV show, your hometown — somehow, his easy, open nature has you telling him all kinds of things, and more than that, you’re asking him all kinds of things in return.
“You know, I’m not like this with the rest of my tutoring roster,” you observe quietly, as you finish a story about your high school prom. “Like, at all.”
“Good!” he says, grinning at you. He’s wearing glasses today, you notice. He looks — nice. Cute. “That’d be like you’re cheating on me. I’m your favourite student.”
Slightly appalled, you nudge him. “Not true! I’ve never said that. I don’t play favourites.”
“I do,” he says just as swiftly. “I’m your favourite. I can tell.” He pats your hand. “It’s okay, you’re my favourite too.”
You pull your hand away, ignoring the swoop of your stomach. “Focus!”
“How am I supposed to focus when you’re right there?” 
“Easily,” you snap, “since you’re my favourite student.”
Chan positively beams when you say it, not even attempting to hide it as he returns to the problems in front of him. “As long as you can admit it.”
At the end of the session, Chan digs into his bag and slides a candy over to you, and you can’t help the smile that splits your face open. “No way,” you cry, picking it up, “I love these! How did you know?”
He smiles, not even glancing at the candy once, fixing his eyes on you. “You told me. Like, a week ago.”
You barely remember that Something swells up inside you, tight and hot and sweet. “Oh, wow. Thank you, Chan.” You hope he can hear how touched you are, because you can’t quite express it. 
“It’s nothing,” he says, with a small smile, one you can’t quite read. “We’re friends, right?”
“Yeah,” you say after the shortest of pauses. “Of course. We’re friends.”
He truly is something else. Almost your opposite, with his confidence and his openness and outright friendliness. You can’t quite put it into words, but something warm just pours out of him.
When you say as much to Minghao, your best friend, he laughs in your face. “Chan? Lee Chan?”
“He’s nice,” you protest lightly. Minghao somehow knows him, through Jeonghan or something or other. Briefly, you wonder how many people Chan knows — which really just proves your point. He’s annoyingly likeable, and even though you have to be forced to admit it, he is easily your favourite out of all the students you tutor. It’s barely even a competition; it’s not a competition. Your other students are fine, but they’re not quite Chan.
“Lee Chan is a little shit,” Minghao says with a hidden affection you’ve had to learn to detect. “But, yeah. He’s a good guy.” There’s a pause filled by the surrounding murmurs of people in the coffee shop you guys are in. It’s always overflowing with people, but it’s the only place that serves halfway decent herbal tea for Minghao, so the two of you always end up meeting here.
“How’s Joshua?” Minghao asks suddenly, doing the annoying thing where he wiggles his eyebrows suggestively. “Still as sexy and gentlemanly as ever, is he?”
At the very mention of his name, you feel yourself growing hotter. “He’s fine,” you say shortly. “Busy.”
Your crush on Joshua has never been a secret from Minghao. Even if you’d wanted it to be, Minghao would’ve worked it out in two days, tops. But, as you keep reiterating, it’s just a stupid crush. It’ll fade. Just like your crush on Kim Hongjoong two years ago, and your crush on Kim Namjoon the year before that. You have a habit of letting things die out, and you’re very comfortable in that habit. 
“___,” Minghao says seriously, “you should tell him.”
“There are literally so many things I’d do before I confess. I’d rather memorise the proof of Fermat’s Last Theorem than do that.”
“You never know if you don’t try! And besides,” Minghao adds, softer, “even if he, you know, doesn’t feel that way, Joshua’s not... well, he won’t make you feel bad about anything. You guys can still be friends. Joshua’s nice.”
Which is the sentence that echoes in your head later that same day, when your meeting with Professor Lee and Joshua is over. Lee is long gone, leaving you and Joshua to go over a few minor details with your tutor schedules and office hour planning. Joshua just looks… really good, with all his files spread out in front of him, his silky voice talking about something stupid one of his tutees had done, his long, dyed hair slightly mussed. 
“…and then he asked me how to find where the line intercepts the asymptote!” he finishes, chuckling. You’re a little late with your laugh, too busy focussing on how the afternoon sun lights up his hair, making it look lighter than it actually is.
Joshua calls your name, his smile shifting into something more concerned. “Are you okay?”
Your words stumble into each other on their way out. “I — well, yeah. Fine. I’m fine — good. I’m good.”
You guys can still be friends. 
“Actually, Josh, I wanted to ask you something,” you say in a sudden emboldened rush. 
“Go for it,” he says, smile fading ever so slightly. “Everything okay?”
“I — ” You hesitate, and in that split second, your courage disappears. You stare at him, and your brain decides for you: unattainable. Untouchable. “I forgot,” you finish lamely, ducking your head and shuffling your papers. Surprisingly, you’re not quite at the level of mortification you thought you would be.
“Ookay,” Joshua drags out, still watching you with concern, before he shakes it off and starts to gather his things. “Well, just let me know if you remember. I’m here for you, okay? We’re friends, not just TAs!”
That fucking word again. Friends. Only this time, you realise suddenly, it barely even hurts. 
Maybe you’re just getting used to it.
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“So…” Vernon says, sidling up to Chan in their shared kitchen, “how’s your TA?”
Chan sighs, looking mournfully at the spicy ramen he’d just made for himself. So much for peace. It must’ve been the smell that lured Vernon out of his bedroom, but he’s clearly an opportunist; killing two birds with one stone by prying into his life and poaching his food. “Joshua is fine.”
“That’s great, but I know that already,” Vernon says, as he helps himself to some of the ramen. Chan lets him, and that must be how his friend realises something is wrong, because he’s suddenly narrowing his eyes at Chan around his mouthful of noodles. “What is it? Did she turn you down?”
Chan drags out his words. “I haven’t said anything to her. She likes someone else. I can tell.”
Vernon considers this for a moment, characteristically quiet and contemplative. “Are you sure?”
“Well — not really. But I’m like, eighty percent sure? But also I don’t really know her that well, and Jeonghan once said to me she’s always super nice to everyone, so I don’t think she’s into me. But then I also don’t know if she’s into him either! Because she’s nice to me and him and apparently every motherfucker on the planet, so it’s, like, confusing, you know? But like. I think she is into him. She looks at him in a kinda way, so…”
Vernon chews with wide eyes. “Damn. That’s crazy, bro, what are you going to do?
Chan exhales deeply. “I don’t know. I think we’ll be better off as friends. I’ll probably just… give up.”
Vernon nods slowly, already backing away. “Good luck, dude. Here for you.” He raises an awkward fist in solidarity, and that’s when Chan glances at his bowl of ramen and realises it’s empty.
Chan allows himself one day to mope. He even cancels a session for the first time, shooting you a quick message to let you know he isn’t feeling great, and he wallows. Stays in bed the entire twenty four hours, scoffing all the ramen in the house, and now he owes Seungkwan and Vernon two packs each, but still — he feels better. He’s grateful he didn’t let it get too far, at the very least. You guys can still be friends, and one day this will be a funny joke he slips into conversation.
When he shows up to the next session, a few days later, he’s determined not to show any hint of awkwardness. He plunks his books down with a renewed energy, startling you as you take out your headphones. 
“I was going to ask if you’re feeling better,” you start dryly, “but I can see that’s clearly the case.”
“Yeah. Nothing big, I’m fine now,” he waves off your concern. Heartsick, maybe. It still twinges at him, when he sees your soft smile, faintly smells your trademark perfume, your colour coded notes in front of you. He doesn’t know when highlighters became so endearing, when he learnt that you always overuse the pastel green one. 
“Okay, so asymptotes,” you begin, and Chan scoots closer, a shit-eating grin on his face. 
“You’re my asymptote,” he says with solemn seriousness, “because I always tend towards you.” 
You fluster easily, Chan has noticed. You avoid his gaze, but you’re laughing, telling him how terrible his jokes are but still — you’re laughing.
Suddenly, in only a few minutes, the thought of getting over you is a lot more daunting than he imagined. You make it harder when you laugh at the stupid joke he quips a moment later, too; you always tell him he has an infectious laugh, but yours is like music to his ears, no matter how hard you try to suppress it in the library. 
“Come on,” you say, finally, gathering yourself together. “Asymptotes. It’s our last lesson for a bit. Are you going home for Thanksgiving?”
“Leaving tomorrow afternoon,” he confirms. “What about you?”
“Tomorrow morning,” you say. “Asymptotes will be the end of this chapter, so it’s perfect timing, really. We can start the new stuff after the break.”
Privately, Chan thinks the break really is perfect timing. He can wallow a little more, back at home with the comfort of his mother’s food and his father’s baseball reruns. He’ll come back ready to finish his tutoring, ace calculus, and be your friend. With firm emphasis on friend. For a moment, he considers you and Joshua as a couple, and honestly, as much as it stings, it’s cute. It makes sense. 
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After the break, winter hits full force. Your first tutoring session at the library is with Chan, and you’re layered up to the max, treating yourself to coffee as a shield against the bite of the cold outside. Vaguely, you remember Chan saying something about how he only drinks lattes hot, and so you order one for him too, taking extra packets of sugar and a stirring spoon on your way out. You know he likes to do the sugar himself.
“I’m late, I know.” You shrug off your coat when you arrive at your guys’ usual table, shaking the raindrops off your coat and hair with an apologetic smile. “It literally started pouring just two minutes before I got here, but here — coffee.” You unload your arms on the table in front of him, slightly breathless, tugging a hand through your untamed hair. 
You catch Chan looking at you, something unreadable in his gaze, and you wince. “Sorry,” you apologise again.
“It’s okay,” he says, “I’ve just — I’ve never seen you so…”
“Messy?” you finish, laughing half self-consciously.
“Disorganised,” he corrects, and it feels gentler. “You’re kind of, like, windswept?” He pauses, quieter. “You look — pretty.”
You ran to the library a solid ten minutes ago. Your heart shouldn’t still be beating this fast. “Thank you,” you reply, just as quietly. There’s silence for a beat, fraught with some sort of tension, before you slap the textbook with too much enthusiasm, “So, uh, next chapter!”
“Next chapter,” he agrees quickly, and just like that, the weirdness dissipates, and it’s just you and Chan.
At least, until Joshua steps in the library. He’s browsing the section near you; you see him before he sees you, but only by a few seconds. You just have enough time to think how cute his scarf is, and then his eyes fall on you and Chan, and he waves with a smile. 
You wave back as he nears the table. “I don’t want to interrupt,” Joshua explains quickly, “just wanted to say hi. To both of you. How’s it going?” He directs his question to Chan, adding — “Is she running you to the ground?”
“She wouldn’t,” Chan says simply. He doesn’t say much else as Joshua says his goodbyes and disappears between the shelves, but you’re still a little harried-looking, dusting down your clothes unnecessarily. 
“So,” Chan says casually, as you return your focus to him and take a sip of water to try and cool you down, “how long have you had a crush on Joshua?”
You choke. Heat curls up your neck, and not because of your coughing — hot-faced and spluttering, you demand, “What are you talking about?” Even as you speak, you can tell your voice is pitched too high. Too defensive.
The younger boy gives you a look. “Come on. I’m not blind.”
You duck your head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about. Anyway, so this question about limits — ”
“You’re a terrible liar,” he sings, cutting you off. “You have a big fat crush on Hong Joshua!”
Eyes wide, you slap a hand over his mouth, glancing behind you in horror. “Oh my God, keep your voice down!”
Beneath your palm, Chan gives you the most self-satisfied, victorious look, and belatedly, you realise you’ve given yourself away. “Fuck you,” you say, without any venom, releasing him and leaning back, trying extremely hard not to sulk. “It’s none of your business anyway.”
“It is when you’re making googly eyes at him right in front of me. Your student.”
“I don’t make googly eyes!” you object immediately, horrified. “I’ve never made googly eyes.”
“Whatever you say, teach.”
“I don’t.”
“Okay.”
“I don’t!”
“Okay, I said.” He still has that smirk playing at the corner of his mouth. It’s infuriating.
Briefly, your mind flits back to the stumbling boy you’d spoken to when he’d first asked for your help, back in late September. You miss him, you think sarcastically. He was the total opposite of the guy in front of you now.
“So?” Chan leans forward over the desk with raised, expectant eyebrows.
“So what?”
“So, how long? A month? Two?”
Your cheeks grow hot with embarrassment. Again.
“Longer?”
 “A year,” you whisper, avoiding his gaze.
“A year?!” He practically yelps, and you have never wanted to bury yourself alive more than you do at this moment.
“A year and a half. Or something,” you confirm weakly, and then shake your head. You gently push his forehead with the eraser side of your pencil, forcing him back to his side of the desk. “But that doesn’t matter. I’m meant to be helping you with limits today.”
“I think you need more help than I do,” he says with sudden, sweet sympathy, patting your hand how he always does. You snatch it away and glare at him, but he ploughs on. “How have you not made a single move for a year and a half? You should do something about it. Move past the googly eyes.”
“Don’t want to. Can’t make me.” You tap your pencil against his open, untouched /textbook. “Now focus. On your work, and not on prying into my love life!”
He clicks his tongue softly, but picks up his own pencil again; inwardly, you let out a soft sigh of relief. Mortification still boils in the pits of your stomach — a guy you barely even know caught on so quickly. Are you really so obvious?
Chan works quietly for all of three minutes, and then he glances at you again. “I don’t want to hear it,” you say warningly, cutting him off before he can even start.
Amusement sparkles in his eyes. “I didn’t say anything!”
”You were going to.”
“I think you should make a move, that’s all.”
“I think it’s none of your business.” 
“You said we were friends now! I’m trying to help my friend!”
“I take it back. Strictly tutor and student. We’re no longer friends.”
“No, seriously. I think you could totally get him to fall for you.”
You audibly snort. “Chan, do you know how many people have a crush on Joshua? He wouldn’t look twice at me. And I’m fine with that.”
“I’m not!”
You groan, tip your head on to the textbook in front of you. Then you turn, glaring at him and his entertained smile — with a smushed cheek and sulky pout, you ask, ”Why is this such a big deal to you, anyway?”
Chan almost seems to fold in on himself when you ask that. For someone so open and friendly, he has a way of shuttering down that startles you a little. It’s subtle, but you’re starting to notice it; his avoidant eyes and the faint pink on the apples of his cheeks. “I don’t know,” he says, shrugging with obviously feigned nonchalance. “I guess — I think you deserve to be happy.”
Sometimes people say things that hit you straight in the gut. Wind you. Leave you just a little bit breathless with their sincerity. 
You open and close your mouth like a fucking fish. “Oh,” you say at last, stupidly, “that’s — that’s really nice of you, Chan.”
Whatever brief embarrassment he was experiencing, he seems to be over it. “I know. I’m the best. And that’s why I’m going to help you.”
You laugh again, amused and slightly endeared by his enthusiasm. “Okay, fairy godmother. Let’s get back to work, maybe.”
“No, seriously,” Chan insists, brown eyes sparkling. “I’m going to teach you how to flirt.”
The previous flattering you felt disappears in the space of a second. “Excuse me?” you say incredulously, but you’re laughing already, simply at the pure audacity. “Who says I don’t know how to flirt?”
“You did,” he says, matching your smile, “when you didn’t make a single move for a year and a half. But don’t worry. I’m going to help you.”
“I didn’t ask for your help!”
“No, but you need it, so I’m going to help you anyway,” he nods generously.
“How kind,” you say sarcastically, before thwacking his shoulder with your thinnest textbook.
Chan bursts out laughing as he dodges it, before switching back to that tone — the one that had you caving into him only a few weeks back, when he asked you to be his tutor. (Briefly, you wonder how it’s only been a few weeks. Part of you feels like you’ve known him forever.)
“Seriously,” he continues, “I can help you. I’ve literally never been rejected in my life.”
“Oh, yeah?” You snort, but honestly, you don’t doubt it. 
He tilts his head to the side. “Well, like, once in middle school. It doesn’t count. 100% success rate, baby.”
“99%, maybe.”
“That is not how statistics works,” he says smugly. “Thought you’d know better, teach.”
“You’re the worst.”
“I’m the best. I’m going to get you a boyfriend; literally just give me twenty minutes at the end of the rest of our tutoring sessions.”
“We only have, like, three left.” 
“That’ll be enough.”
Fuck it, you think. You don’t think this will help you with Joshua — nor do you want it to — but why the hell not? If it makes Chan happy, as it so clearly seems to…
“Ten minutes,” you sigh.
His eyes brighten. “Fifteen.”
“Fine,” you acquiesce after a short moment, waving your hand dismissively. “From next time, though. I don’t have time today.”
You try to ignore his Cheshire cat grin, but it’s infectious. You’re mirroring it by the time he slaps the desk victoriously, assuring you, “You won’t regret this, I swear.”
“I’m sure I will. So, limits — ”
“Limits,” he agrees, an infuriatingly triumphant smirk on his lips. 
You roll your eyes, but you’re still smiling. “You have no limits.”
“Lesson one,” Chan says, a little too gleefully, only a few days later. “Body language.” 
He watches you pass a hand over your forehead with a grimace. “I can’t believe I’m doing this.”
“First tip is to not be doing things like that when he speaks,” Chan says lightly, pulling your hands away from your forehead. He places his index fingers either side of your lips, and gently, carefully, he pulls the corners of them upwards. “Smile.” 
You blink at him, and it is, unfortunately, the cutest thing he’s ever seen. “But,” he continues, shaking it off and pulling his fingers away, “you’re good at smiling anyway, so that’s not a key concern.”
Surprise appears on your features. “Nobody’s ever said that to me before. I usually get the opposite.”
Chan is slightly taken-aback, because you’re always smiling. You’re quiet, definitely, but you laugh super easy, and smile even easier than that. 
“But go on.” You change the subject quickly, and Chan realises that despite yourself, you’re getting intrigued now. 
“Tip number two,” he continues, magnanimously, “eye contact.”
“Absolutely not.”
“What? Why not?” The swiftness of your refusal startles him, but even as he asks, he kind of knows; you tend to avoid eye contact, especially when you’re shy, or embarrassed, or confused, or… well, a lot of the time. “You can practise.”
You look at him with horror. “Practise?”
“With me,” he nods, steeling himself already. “Now.”
“You’re joking.”
“I never joke,” he lies straight to your face, just to make you relax. Sure enough, your shoulders loosen almost instantly, and you let out half a smile. “Come on. Just for two minutes.” 
“Okay,” you finally agree, meeting his stare. Chan leans forward just the slightest bit, and for the first time in his life, he understands what it means to sink into someone else’s eyes. Your gaze isn’t intense, but it’s captivating, and he’s not sure if that’s his own feelings surfacing up again, or it’s just — natural. Either way, being this close to you is doing something funny to his ribs, the same thing that happened when you brought him coffee. 
He tries to distract himself. “Can’t believe we only have two tutoring sessions left.” His voice has lowered instinctively, taken on a slightly gravelly tone that seems to surprise you a little Your lips part for a second, and then you nod; he watches your throat bob as you swallow.
“Yeah,” you say, equally as hushed. “Time flies, huh?”
His lips are dry. The tip of his tongue darts out, and he watches as you seem to follow it. “Yeah. When you’re having fun.”
Chan goes home that night more confused than before, and it only gets worse when Seungkwan’s waiting for him in the living room, hands on hips. One look at him, and Chan can tell he’s going to play interrogator.
“I just don’t know if this is a good idea,” Seungkwan says, at last, after Chan slumps on to the couch. “Helping her get with Joshua. You’re going to break your own heart.”
Chan wrinkles his nose. “I am not. We’re just friends, Seungkwan. I’m over it.”
Seungkwan looks at him disbelievingly, and Chan rolls his eyes. “I’m getting over it,” he corrects himself. “But we’re fine. Don’t worry.”
“I’m your best friend,” Seungkwan replies instantly, “Of course I’m going to worry. You just — you open your heart so easily. Which is a good thing!” he tacks on hastily, “But she… well.” 
Arching a brow, Chan leans forward. “She what?”
“Let me put it this way. You’re a romantic, and from what I can tell, she’s a cynic.”
Chan has never given much thought to what other people think about you, not until now. In all honesty, he’d had a similar perception of you, at first. Extremely organised. Kind of stoic. Nice, but distant. But now, he’s sure that nothing has ever been further from the truth. You’re reserved, that goes without a doubt, but you’re not cold. You’re kind. Care immensely for your friends, even though there are only a few of them. Shy, but sweet, and he thinks it’s a fucking shame that people can’t see that. He’d thought you were distant, but he’s heard other people describe you as uptight. Snobbish.
All people do is talk, he thinks with a little contempt. 
He looks back at his roommate. “You don’t know her, Seungkwan. She’s not a cynic.”
His friend shrugs. “I trust you. Just… be careful.”
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Your second “lesson” with Chan begins with him grabbing you by the hand and pulling you in between random bookshelves. 
“Stand here,” he instructs, before patting you on the shoulders. You can feel the warmth of his hands through your sweater. “Okay,” he says, “lesson two is all about conversation. He’s going to fall in love with your mouth — not like that,” he adds quickly, when he sees you biting down on your lip to hide your laugh. “Mind out the gutter, teach.”
You grin at him cheekily. “You’re the teacher now. Come on, then.” The truth is, these lessons are more entertaining than anything. You’re enjoying it, hanging out with Chan without having to remind him to finish his questions or double-check the textbook. 
“Be serious!” he complains, but his eyes have that usual sparkle to them. He glances at your clothes for a moment. “Nice sweater, by the way. You look good in blue. But anyway, quick tips — remember what he likes, compliment him, talk about what you have in common, stuff like that. Okay, I’m going to go over and I want you to imagine I’m Joshua. So you see me randomly in the library, what are you doing?”
You snort. “Running in the other direction.”
He holds a finger up, hiding a smile at your silly answer. “Bzzzt. Wrong answer. You lose ten points.”
“When did I have ten points to begin with?” you argue, but still, you’re struggling to suppress your giggles. 
“You didn’t. You’re in the negatives.” He flicks you gently on the forehead. “Try again.”
“Ow,” you complain, pouting. “Okay, I’m meant to say hi.”
“Ding! Ten points. Back to zero.” Chan waits expectantly, and you look at him in confusion. He motions with his fingers. “Go on. Say hi.”
“I am not roleplaying with you!” you hiss, horrified, pushing his arm gently. He stumbles back exaggeratedly. “We do math, Chan, not drama!”
“Actually I do math and history,” he corrects nonchalantly, “and history is dramatic.”
Flummoxed, you repeat after him — “History? Since when do you do history?”
“Since, like, three years ago…?” He laughs at your expression, but you can’t bring yourself to mirror his lightness, for once. 
You feel rooted to your spot. “You’re a double major?” Something uncomfortable stirs in the pits of your stomach, and you know you’re not being rational — there’s no reason why this should jar you so much, but you feel jarred. “How did I not know this?” you ask, more to yourself. You turn to him, head moving so sharply he almost steps back. “Did you ever mention this?
Chan’s smile is fading. “I don’t know. Probably not.”
“Why not?”
“I don’t know,” he laughs awkwardly, “it never came up. It’s not a big deal!”
“It is to me,” you insist, “Chan, you’re my friend! I should know this stuff!”
“It’s not a big deal,” he repeats, his brows furrowed. “Seriously. You know me better than half my friends already, and we’ve only been friends for like, a few months.” He attempts a smile — “You even know about the whole story behind that girl rejecting me back in middle school, I don’t tell that to everyone.”
“Yeah,” you say distractedly, “I guess so.”
Chan looks at the time. “Don’t you have a meeting now? With Joshua?”
You tilt your head, confused, your mind still on his history major.  “I do?”
“It’s Wednesday,” he reminds you, and you snap out of it, checking the time yourself. “You’re going to be late,” Chan laughs, gently pushing you towards your bag. “Go!”
You wave at him as you gather your stuff haphazardly, calling an, “I’ll text you later!” ok your way out. 
“Remember my top tips!” he calls back, wiggling his eyebrows suggestively. You laugh and flip him off, bundling yourself out the library — only to run smack into another girl leaving at the same time. 
“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry,” you apologise, helping her pick up her pencils. “I wasn’t looking!”
“It’s okay,” she assures you quickly. “By the way,” she adds, “you and your boyfriend are so cute!”
“My… boyfriend?” You hand her stuff back to her with a furrowed brow.
She beams at you sunnily. “Yeah! I always see you guys on your cute study dates over there, it’s soo sweet. The way you guys look at each other is, like, to die for.”
“Thank you,” you say automatically, before opening your mouth to correct her. But it’s too late, she’s gone and you’re left standing in the exit with a thousand thoughts rushing through your mind, ones that preoccupy you all the way back to yours and Joshua’s shared office. 
They only multiply when you see Joshua, and feel absolutely nothing. There’s no typical dip in your stomach, no stuttering heartbeat, just a familiar smile and nothing else, which is when you realise — you haven’t been feeling anything like what you used to feel.
At least, not around Joshua.
“That’s the first time you’ve been late, like, ever,” Joshua observes, “Were you with Chan?”
“Yeah, I — uh, how did you know that?” You cut yourself off to stare at him in surprise.
“Our tutoring schedules are right there,” he smiles, nodding to the pinboard next to him. You almost sigh in relief. A normal explanation, finally. Something that makes sense. These realisations and observations are nothing more than —
“But you always have a certain look after you see him anyway,” Joshua continues obliviously. “Your eyes get all shiny. You smile more.” He pauses, grins at you knowingly, “You guys are close, huh?”
“I — I don’t — ” You stutter feebly, because suddenly everything is hot and you need to lie down. “I don’t feel well,” you almost shout, way too loud; Joshua startles, but nods. 
“Okay,” he says, worriedly. “We can reschedule, but do you need a ride home?”
“No!” you snap, before taking a deep breath. “Sorry. No. I think — the fresh air will be good for me.”
Joshua lets you go, and you feel close to tears the whole way home. 
You can’t stomach this, you think, curled up in a ball under your duvet. It doesn’t make sense; you may be a math major, but none of this is adding up.
“I like Joshua,” you say out loud, and it sounds hollow. It sounds false. It doesn’t bring anything with it. 
Slowly, tentatively, you say, “I like Chan.” 
That brings so much, but more than anything, it brings warmth. Warmth like the serious brown of his eyes, his rough hands, his smile, his laugh, the way he chews his lip when he’s thinking hard about a question. 
You stick your head in a pillow and let out a scream.
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Chan doesn’t know if he should invite you to the end of semester party that Seungcheol is throwing, considering his absolute failure in getting over you, but he does it anyway. He invited you to the Halloween one, and you turned him down, saying you had plans with some other friends, but he reckons it’s worth trying again, so he does just that.
Your response comes within minutes. 
[16:43] you: isn’t that the night before our last tutoring?
[16:44] chan: i know! but i’ll be on time i promise i wont even drink that much [16:44] chan: it’ll be like a celebration!!
[16:45] you: of what?
[16:45] chan: you put up with me for a full semester :)
He watches your typing bubble appear and reappear multiple times with a frown, until:
[16:48] you: i don’t “put up” with you chan
A smile. A big cheesy one that has his cheeks aching a little.
[16:48] you: we’re friends, aren’t we?
No matter how hard he tries, that still stings. 
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The party sneaks up faster than expected, and Chan agrees to meet you there, because you’re coming with Minghao, and he agreed to help Seungcheol set up before he knew you were coming. Which is, you know, whatever. He’s not a little upset that he doesn’t get to pick you up in his car and do the whole opening-your-door-for-you thing — not at all, no matter what Seungkwan tries to imply.
Joshua probably would’ve, he thinks miserably, as people begin to arrive. That’s what you’d once said, ages ago, that you liked about him. 
‘He’s sweet,’ you’d said, ‘and he, like, holds doors open for me.’
‘The bar is in hell,’ Chan had said in response, making you snort with laughter, hiding your face. 
“No moping at my party!” Seungcheol yells as he sails by, carrying a load of ping pong balls — they’re setting up beer pong in the other room, but for once, Chan doesn’t feel the need to take up Jeonghan’s challenge. He dithers by the door, looking up hopefully every time someone enters, and every time, it isn’t you. 
Until it is. You come in just after Minghao, and Chan’s breath is quite literally taken away. It’s horrifyingly cliché, how gorgeous you look — you always do, but he’s never seen you dressed up before. Not like this, with a blue dress that falls to your mid-thigh, hair done to perfection. Makeup too, that makes your eyes look bigger and softer, that matches your outfit exactly.
Something swells inside him when he sees you on your tiptoes, craning your neck this way and that; instinctively, he thinks you’re looking for him. And when your eyes finally land on his, you smile so big that his insides turn molten; hot and tight and full, so incredibly full. He moves towards you without even realising, a moth to a flame. 
“You look — ” He swallows. Hard. “Amazing. You look amazing.”
You open your mouth to reply, but before you can, Minghao mutters something in your ear, gesturing to a room on the right before tugging you away. Chan watches as you send him an apologetic wave — and then you’re gone, melting into the sea of people that Seungcheol somehow knows. And he’s tugged in completely the opposite direction, casting one longing look after you.
About an hour into the party, you see Chan with someone else. A girl. Short, dark-haired, bright-eyed — pretty. So pretty.
You’re not one to get jealous, usually. But that’s the only word to describe the way your stomach drops and your heart twists. Green-eyed monster, rearing in your chest. She makes him laugh, and he touches her arm when he does, and honestly, it’s a completely innocent picture. They’re probably just friends, and you’re usually so secure in yourself, but with Chan — you feel everything but secure. It was only last week you allowed yourself to acknowledge you were halfway to falling in love with him.
Joshua was familiar, at least. This is not, which is why it took you so long to accept it. 
You smooth down your dress (“You look good in blue.”), and watch as Chan leans down to hear her over the music. Maybe it’s the second drink in your hand, which you’d only taken after being egged on by Mingyu — he’d handed you his “professional” jungle juice. It tastes like shit, but recent events have brought with them a desire to get absolutely fucking wasted.
Tragically, you’ve managed tipsy at best, but it’s still enough to have you over-emotional, and with one last look at Chan and the pretty girl, you escape the watchful eyes of Minghao to the balcony of Seungcheol’s disgustingly wealthy place to cry. Which you do, with shaky, gulping breaths, and blurred vision.
When you’ve calmed yourself just the slightest bit, you glance at yourself in your phone camera, lit up by the yellow lighting inside. The girl in the mirror is almost unrecognisable — drunk and face streaked with cheap mascara (advertised as waterproof but clearly not).
God, your head aches. When did life become so fucking complicated?
You know when; you know exactly when, that little snarky voice in the corner of your head tells you, flashing you an image of a certain brown-haired boy with his stupid smile. You know that this mess started somewhere around when he waltzed into your life, brandishing his flirting tips and stupid math puns.  What you don’t know is when he slipped his way into your heart, when you somehow gave him the power to crush it in his fingers. 
That’s what it feels like. Lee Chan has your heart in the palm of his hand, and he doesn’t have a fucking clue.
The thought makes you feel slightly sick — or maybe it’s the overconsumption of the jungle juice that Mingyu cooked up, but whatever it is, your stomach churns uncomfortably, leaving acid climbing your throat. You cast a contemptuous look at the mixture in your red solo cup, and with a sigh, dump the rest of it over the balcony next to you. You ignore the call of hey, fuck you! that comes from below, instead sinking to the floor, hugging your knees and leaning your aching, hot against the cool metal railing to blink away the tears that burn behind your eyes.
Momentarily you consider how at the start of the year, you’d never have expected yourself to be here, not in a million years. At the SVT frat house, hidden in a corner to weep over a boy. A boy that isn’t Hong Joshua — a boy that is, technically, in some ways, your student.
“Fuck you, Lee Chan,” you say bitterly, and as always, you can’t bring yourself to mean it.
“Why’s that?” A familiar voice has you snapping your head towards the balcony doorway. Tall and smiling as always, Joshua regards you with a look of mixed sympathy and pity. You resent it. 
“Fuck you too!” You try to scowl at him; it doesn’t quite work, and you’re too drunk and tired to muster up the energy to be angry at him. Joshua didn’t really do anything; the only crime you can hold against him is obliviousness. He’s not the one holding your heart in his hands. You don’t think he ever really was — at the very least, what you felt with him was never like this. There was never so much.
Joshua doesn’t say anything, just laughs and sits next to you on the floor. Both of you have your backs pressed to the railing, and he nudges you softly with his shoulder. “Everything okay?”
You swallow thickly. “No.”
He smiles ever so slightly, nodding to your tearful face. “Yeah, I mean, I figured.”
You let out a watery giggle. “God. I’m such a mess.”
Joshua hums, like he’s actually considering your words deeply. “You aren’t, really. You’re like, the least messy person I know.”
You sniffle a little. “What?”
“Come on, ___, you’re like the most put-together person in this whole university. It’s kind of refreshing to see you outside of that.”
“What, you enjoy seeing me cry?” 
“No, of course not,” he says quickly, bumping your shoulder. “Just. In general, I mean. You’ve been happier lately.”
You gesture to your tear tracks. “This is happy?”
Joshua clicks his tongue at you. “I think Chan is really good for you,” he says finally, quietly. Like he knows he’s broaching a forbidden topic — which he is. You flinch at the very sound of his name. “He makes you happy. That’s what I mean. You should give yourself a shot.”
“No,” you say immediately, automatically. “I can’t.”
“You could,” he says, without reproach. “If you let yourself.”
You let that settle. Silence falls — or at least as much silence as you can get when you’re metres away from a house party. “I used to have a crush on you, you know.” You don’t look at him, facing straight ahead thoughtfully.
Joshua smiles, rueful. “I know.”
You snap your head round, and your disbelief must be etched onto your face because he laughs. “I could tell,” he shrugs. “You got flustered so easily, sometimes.”
The slightest of groans. “I do that, apparently.” You hug your legs to you again, resting your cheek on your knees as you look at Joshua, sitting by your side. “I almost asked you out, too.” 
“I probably would’ve said yes,” he confesses honestly, but still, somehow, you don’t feel anything. “But then I saw how you are with Chan. And that is not like this,” he continues gently. “The way you looked at me back then is nothing, compared to how you look at him.”
“Don’t tell him.” You’re not afraid to beg.
“God forbid you let yourself feel something, right?” Joshua laughs a little, but his eyes bore into you with sincere sympathy. “Why are you so afraid of your own feelings?”
You don’t know what to say. But you’re saved from having to think about it, because Lee Chan himself sticks his head through the door, something shifting on to his face when his eyes finally land on you. 
“There you are! I’ve been looking for you for — ” he freezes for a second, the exact moment his eyes land on Joshua sitting next to you “ — ages,” he finishes, slowly, before taking a step back. “I should go.”
“No, stay,” Joshua says, quickly, standing up. “We were just finished.”
Chan fidgets with the end of his shirt as Joshua leaves, casting one more empathetic smile at you, and the moment the older boy is gone, Chan steps closer towards you. “I’m sorry,” he says, “I didn’t realise he was — you’re crying.” His change in tone is so abrupt, from apologetic to dead serious in half a second. ”What happened?”
“Nothing,” you say, too high-pitched. “I’m fine now. It’s fine.”
“Was it Joshua?” he demands, already looking back in the direction his friend disappeared to. “What did he say?”
“What? No. It wasn’t him.” You try to change the subject. “I am older than you, you know, I don’t need to be babysat. I hope you didn’t interrupt your fun just to come looking for me.”
He smiles, but his eyes don’t. “Only by a year. And anyway, I have more fun with you.”
You hate that your mind flits back to that girl, the laughing one. “What about your friends? I saw you with, um, what’s her name? The pretty one, dark hair?” 
Subtlety is not your strong suit. 
Chan just blinks at you. “You mean Jana? Yeah, she wanted me to play beer pong against her and her girlfriend. But I did that.” Something untwists in your stomach. He steps closer, fishing a tissue out of nowhere, and with the tenderest touch, wipes at the makeup staining your cheeks.
He’s so close, you can see every individual eyelash. “Why? Were you jealous?” he asks lightly, referring to Jana as he uses one hand to cup your cheek and remove the dark mess under your eyes more carefully.
“No!” Your voice is harsher than intended, jerking out of his grip. and his eyes flick to yours with worry.
“I was kidding,” he says softly, frowning, “Is everything okay, teach?”
Alcohol blurs your rational thinking. You lean your forehead against his chest with the deepest sigh. “Sorry. Sorry.” A short breath. “Chan, I’m so tired.”
He wraps his arms around you, rubbing your back up and down. “Are you drunk?”
You shake your head. “I was tipsy, but I only had two drinks. I’m sober now. Just… exhausted.” 
“I can take you home,” he murmurs against your ear; he’s so warm, he always is, but his touch sends goosebumps all over your skin. “Is that what you want?”
You lean back, look him in the eye, but neither of you let go of each other. Eye contact. From lesson one. “What’s the third lesson?”
“What?”
“Tomorrow. Our last lesson. What’s it on?”
He’s silent for a minute. “I don’t know,” he replies, at last. 
You cock your head to the side, questioningly, and it’s like something in him snaps, and the words come rushing out, stumbling into each other — “I’ve been making these up as I go along. On the spot.”
“Oh,” you say, surprised but too numb to feel it properly. “Why?”
He squeezes his eyes shut for a second, looking defeated. “I don’t know. Well. I do. I just don’t know how to tell you.”
Something clicks for you. I’ve got a great teacher. You’re my favourite too. You look — pretty. I think you deserve to be happy. You look good in blue. 
“Chan,” you say, taking an abrupt step back. Your voice is hoarse suddenly, scratchy with yet another realisation. “What colour is my dress?”
He looks utterly perplexed by your swift change in subject, but he obliges you anyway. “Blue. Why?”
“Do you remember,” you begin, voice shaking ever so slightly. This is the precipice. You’re taking the leap. God forbid you let yourself feel something — well, you are. “Do you remember a week ago? Lesson two?”
“Conversation,” he nods, and you can see his mind working a hundred miles an hour. 
“I was wearing that sweater, and you said — ”
“You look good in blue,” he finishes at once. His eyes flit between you and the dress, and you see the exact moment it dawns on him; the light of comprehension. “But you — Joshua — ”
You shake your head at the question he doesn’t ask. 
It’s like he’s frozen. A minute or a century passes, you’re not sure which, before his eyes meet yours again, filled with something heavy, raw, tender emotion. “How long?”
“Long enough,” you say, and then you’re kissing him, or he’s kissing you, you’re not sure who moves first, or if you move at the same time, but whatever it is — you’re melting into him and he is melting into you, and it’s like your heart gives a happy little sigh. Your shoulders relax, and the tension of the past few weeks evaporates in a few gentle touches.
You break apart with a soft little ‘tch’ sound, and he looks at you with full eyes and the shyest smile you’ve ever seen him wear. 
“You know, technically, you’re still my student,” you say, slightly breathless, entirely giddy. 
He rolls his eyes, tugging you back in already, sliding his arms around your waist. “Yeah, for a week.”
“And a half,” you add, as he begins to kiss up your neck. “You’d better ace your exam next week, after all our hard work.”
He presses his nose into your neck, huffing out a laugh. “I can’t believe that’s what you’re worried about. Now, of all things.”
“That’s what you should be worried about,” you say, bringing a hand up to his hair, running through it with your fingers as you’ve wanted to for so long. “That, and walking me home, maybe.”
“I fully intend to do at least one of those things,” he says, landing a chaste kiss on your lips. “We have a lot to talk about, you know. Starting with me asking you out. Properly.” 
A hint of mischief appears in your smile. “Do well in your exam, and I’ll consider it.”
Chan pulls back, a familiar, confident smirk on his lips. “You have yourself a deal. But until then…”
“We’re still at a party,” you say, dodging his lips with a laugh, even though you really don’t want to. Not at all. “We can’t be that couple.”
He drops his forehead against yours. “We can be whatever the fuck we want. Nobody’s looking, anyway.”
And so you let him kiss you, again and again and again, until he walks you home, and does the same at your door, and the same in your living room. Over and over, making up for all the times he wanted to but couldn’t, he whispers. Your whole body softens at the weight of his hands, travelling the small of your back, cupping your cheek, squeezing your hips. His lips are on yours, and yours are on his, and everything makes sense. Everything adds up.
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a/n: (yes another) i hate this so much but i think i’ve been dealing with it too long so im just going to. throw it out there. thank you for reading!!! i’d love to hear what you think!!!! hopefully i’ll venture into longfic more often <3
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