#It's not helped by my weird inclination to just keep doing something if it happens too many times in a row

[seafoam-taide]

(Wondering why I've been feeling like total garbage shit for days on end) (remembers that I actually have a genuine hardcore hyperfixation right now and for some stupid fucking reason I just stopped playing the game for like a week now) FUCK !!! I'M SO FUCKING STUPID OH MY GOD I LITERALLY JUST HAVE TO PLAY REGRETEVATOR TO FIX ME OH MY GODDD

[ckret2]

Ages ago I made a post about what Ford thinks about Bill (in a billford context), and I've had an infodump on what Bill thinks about Ford floating on discord for months, and an ask finally prompted me to post it, so here ya go:

If asked why he likes Ford, Bill himself claims that Ford overthinks everything, but in such fun, interesting ways, and Bill likes the way Ford thinks about things.

But really, Bill overthinks everything too; it's just he overthinks social things. He's always calculating how to persuade, control, manipulate people. He never has a conversation that isn't a chess game, it's exhausting and he won't even admit it's exhausting. When's the last time his top priorities weren't either "how do I convince some sucker to make a portal" or "ugggh I'm so SICK of the PORTAL I'm gonna THROW A PARTY and NOT THINK AT ALL"

Whereas Ford is guy who'd hear someone say something incorrect and bluntly go "no you're wrong" and accidentally offend the hell out of them because he's SO excited to share this fantastic information they don't know. The social world DOES NOT EXIST for him until he's reminded of it.

And so he's free to turn all his brainpower instead to. Like. The environmental impact of barf fairies on fern fertilizer or whatever.

Bill knows Everything™ but he's gotten tired of doing anything with that knowledge. They're all discrete points of information to him. He doesn't have time to muse over things, he's got an inventor to manipulate at 11pm and then a party to get to at midnight. He's never once in his life thought about the impact of barf fairies on the local flora. But he does happen to know the plants in that part of the woods are more acid-resistant and wow is that why???? He's never even thought to think about that before. Thousand year mystery that Bill didn't even notice has been solved.

(On the other hand "Ford doesn't think to think about the intricacies of social interaction" is also part of what makes him so easy to manipulate, he's so much more inclined to just accept at face value a friendly offer of assistance on a big academic project. Sure Bill's helping for the sake of scientific advancement in and of itself, why wouldn't he?)

Bill wants to just, fling random facts at Ford and see if he can think up connections between them. Go nerd boy go nerd boy go

"... So there you have it Ford, that's the problem you'll have to overcome with adapting alien machinery to human fuel sources, now I wanna hear YOUR thoughts on how to overcome that problem." "Well—" talks in an uninterrupted stream that by thirty minutes in has drifted over to the history of kerosene production, which he read an interesting book about between semesters in college— "... I've gotten off topic, haven't I?" "No no, I think you're on to something. This is how brainstorming works, free association of concepts. Keep going."

Ford in the morning: "... oh no I didn't let my muse get a word in edgewise for the rest of the dream, i didn't bore him did I?" Bill: "damn, I never noticed the patent process for hurricane lamps was so contentious. There's little dramas everywhere"

When things are going well, their relationship is,

Ford: "I just wanna hear Bill teach me things about the multiverse forever."

Bill: "I just wanna hear Ford think deeply on any topic that crosses his mind forever."

Both of them when they're in peak harmony: excitedly jabbering at each other at 200 words per minute about the stupidest topic you've ever heard, but you'd need a phd in at least two fields to comprehend it

That's love!!!

Ford, having historically been socially shamed: "... am I being weird?"

Bill: "💕❤️💓yeah❣️💖❤️‍🔥"

Sometimes I think about Bill watching Ford in his sleep and being in awe at this human-shaped genius: you with your beautiful electric mind, packed into this soft flawed uneven body. one would never know it from the outside—but you're in there. This genius with a mind like a galaxy. ... and he's like, growing hair and stuff. wild.

[luboy7rt]

Kick (COD Ghosts): Random Headcanons 

(Note: We don't get enough Kick content, so here's food. I ramble my bad. Just trying to get re-motivated for more headcanon stuff!)

- Kick would randomly just plops down near his comrades. Everyone can just be doing their own tasks and he's just coming by to invade everyone's personal space, but never for too long before he agites himself and just leaves.  

(Here's how I think the other Ghosts would react to this)

This could happen to Keegan who would look like a deer in headlights, like he's silently looking around for help. Help this man, he cannot. Keegan ends up just silently pushing Kick off to leave, leaving Kick groaning and being grumbley until he finds his next target or he would silently just sit there, stiff and unmoving, he is now a statue. Won't even breathe. (0.5/10 on Kick Rates)

This could happen to Ajax, a quick ‘what's up’ or ‘hey’ Is exchanged before Kick just lets his body go limp, his shoulders digging into Ajax's lap who ‘unfortunately’ claims he got used to it. Ajax's is pretty chill about it though, he couldn't care less. But if he's watching a show and Kick tries to eat his snacks? Nope, Kick’s getting kicked out. (8/10 on Kick Rates) 

This could happen to Hesh who is more inclined to just let it happen, I feel like Hesh is somehow the most uncaring about it. He's dealt with Logan all his life, and he has a dog who couldn't give a damn about personal space. Hesh just lifts his phone so he could keep doing What he was doing but Kick could do whatever he wanted as long as he respectable Hesh's personal space. (11/10 on Kick Rates)

This can happen to Logan who is alarmed the first time this happens, stiff as a board. Uncomfortable, unfortunately takes time for Logan to relax (-0.2/10 on Kick Rates)

Elias. Kick tried to lay over the man once but Elias left too quickly to get a good rating (Sad/10 on Kick Rates) Come back. Kick bets he's a damn good at cuddling/comfort too, he's holding out on him like that?

This could happen to Neptune, who's surprisingly chill with it as long as Kick didn't interrupt him on purpose or talk/breathe too loudly. It's comfortable and warm (100/10 on Kick Rates) 

((Pardon these next two, we don't get a lot on Torch and Grim so OCC))

Torch is unique. Sits weird, cuddles weird, Kick likes weird so (10/10 on Kick Rates)

Grim is funky, cold but ends up being the second best at cuddling after Neptune (Might need more experimentation/10 on Kick Rates) 

Riley? Fucking amazing cuddle buddy when hes up to it. Not so amazing when the dog farts, stinks like hell. (100/10 on Kick Rates. -1000 for the time Riley definitely let one rip on purpose just to get Kick to leave him alone) 

- He's very intelligent and also he very much likes to mess with people. Likes tapping into Keegan’s devices just for shits and giggles. (No proof of this, but Keegan just knows. Kick just knows how to cover his tracks) Randomly gives ‘hints’ when he's in someone's devices when he's not supposed to be. This habit stops after Keegan did some cursed shit to simply get him to stop. Yet no one ever got Kick in trouble for this habit before, they just assume it's Kick’s way of trying to check up on them. Lol, No. He does it for his own curiosity but he’ll let them believe what they want. 

- Kick likes to vibe when driving, making it his teammates problem to either ignore him or join in. He doesn't care as he's dancing while driving, ignore his playlist title, he's too busy singing under his breath to care about the done looks on his comrades faces.

- Neptune and Kick team ups are a vibe Kick lives for, he lives for slowly trying to convince Neptune to do something unhinged. He knows it takes a lot of planning, so Kick slowly tries to encourage Neptune to pull an insane stunt that will end up helping the team but also Kick gets the amusement he wants.

- He says cursed shit often, usually the others turn a blind eye to it. But sometimes some of the guys can't, hearing their little sighs of defeat make Kick's get a larger ego, it's pure bliss for him.

-  Kick finds it utterly hilarious when he sees Keegan's blank stare, just looking into his soul. He finds it to be the most funniest shit, especially when they're meant to be doing something serious. He lives for when Keegan hears some stupid shit and slowly turns to face Kick, slowly blinking (frog blink even better in Kick's eyes). Kick has to always bite his tongue just to not full blown cackle when he's not supposed to.

- Makes shitty PowerPoints instead of actually decent debrief reports, like yes. We did this :). No, we failed that :(. With a shitty gif misplaced on the right side of the slide. Elias lets it pass and ends up rewriting the damn report for Kick because he just can't deal with this anymore. It's shitty on purpose but if he knows Elias has a bad day? He writes the best damn report he has ever done and hands it in like a proud dog who finally caught Its own tail.

- I feel like he builds/fixes up PCs, Computers or Other technology just for fun. Especially old shitty tech? He would love it, definitely has a collection of just old technology he has fixed over the years.

- Feel like he doesn't believe in spirits or ghosts, but makes it a point to announce to his dead comrades he's going to do something stupid or he would click his tongue and flip off an object if it just reminded him of one of his comrades. 

(Ex: After Torch's death. One of Kick's candles sway too much and catches something on fire? Kick would blame Torch. It's all his fault, it could never be Kick's fault for placing that item too close to the flame.) 

(Hah just got the idea of  Kick ghost hunting for his teammates and then definitely messing with him, ‘Did you just fucking call me Honey Booboo Bear?’ Cue Kick staring at the camera behind him with such a straight face like it was the most horrid thing he has ever heard.) 

Ajax would be the ghost calling him Honey Booboo Bear just to fuck with him because he knows (knew) Kick. Unfortunately.

Kick, Keegan and Neptune ghost hunter Au/freetime? Feel like that would be funny.)

(I got more ideas for this, I can go on about it but I'll keep it short, Neptune nonchalant camera man who just points out things bluntly, funny but mostly unheard guy behind the camera but when he speaks up you know it's good, Keegan skeptic who's just here to say he doesn't believe in it and to scare Kick. Kick firm believer who wants to get real evidence or flirt with a ghost.), (Even funnier if they bring Hesh, Logan and Riley along, because Logan is side eyeing while Hesh would slightly be panicking because why is Riley staring at a damn wall for 15 minutes? Even better if Elias comes along to ensure his boys are safe and just drags his kids out when Kick tries to encourage them to do stupid shit. Elias doesn't fuck with that shit.

(I find myself utterly hilarious. Felt like I should say that. Sorry if its a bit short, thank you. Dw if you don't agree with some of these headcanons, they are just for fun!)

[chaotic-archaeologist]

so back in 2005-2007 I was an anthropology major, I was told that matriarchies never existed. at the time my professor said that it was kinda sexist that anthropology thought that way. so I wonder if anything has changed since then. I'm not talking about the weird mother goddess cult that hippy 2 wave feminist wanted but like, people who say they are like the muoso (I'm sorry if I spelt that wrong), and other groups. I've heard several native Americans from varrying nation that said their culture was matriarchal, and if modern anthropologist are taught that the experts on society are the people in that society, why do/did anthropologist decided a matriarchal society was impossible. I know this could take a long time to answer so if it's too long for you maybe just some helpful links to an article if you know of one.

So the answer—as always, with anthropology—is complicated.

Saying that XYZ never happened is difficult, given that all it takes is one positive instance to disprove the statement. Yes, there certainly have been (and still are) matriarchal societies. (Please also keep in mind that matriarchal societies aren't inherently better that patriarchal societies based on that one trait alone.)

If I had to guess, what you were told was the product of several theological whiplashes in anthropological theory. And you are indeed correct: some of it has to do with Second Wave Feminism. Archaeology and anthropology have been unfortunately late to the ballgame, and feminism is one of those topics.

Basically, for a long time anthropology was dominated by rich white dudes who believed that men were the center of all anthropological innovations ever (more or less, this is the simplified version). Then in the 80s/90s, Second Wave feminists managed to break into the discipline and the stance went from everything is patriarchal to everything is matriarchal.

"Whoa," said the male anthropologists who were feeling Threatened™ "we don't like that at all." Which results in a second over-correction back to the insistence that there was nothing matriarchal. If I had to guess, this is the general series of events that found its way into your classroom in the mid 00s.

If you fancy a deep dive into a good example of early feminist anthropology, check out The Gender of the Gift: Problems with Women and Problems with Society in Melanesia by Marilyn Strathern (first published in 1988). Or, if you're not inclined to read the whole thing, just read the very last five pages titled Comparison. Or you can read a review of the book from shortly after it first came out.

Other anthropologists are encouraged to chime in, and especially tell me if I've said something wrong.

-Reid

[strawburry01]

Only a Fool Would Say That (Camp Pt 3)

Camp Counselors, Angus Tully x Reader

Part 1

Part 2

A/N: I’ve been here this whole time guys- I didn’t disappear for a few weeks- what are you talking about. In reality I live in a different state now actually! They only lost all my fucking records in the moving process so send thoughts and prayers.

The first session of camp had finished up without a hitch. You and Angus had continued your weird relationship as co-camp counselors- him always letting the kids get away with way too much, whether it be free-time, candy, how far they could swim out, so of course they adored him for it. Meanwhile you were the stickler who tried to reel everyone in, kids and Angus included. He always would apologize eventually though, just at the most inconvenient times.

You would be trying to calm all the girls down in your cabin when he would knock and they would all squeal knowing it was him. You’d shush them all and step out onto the porch to see his crooked smirk. He drove you crazy but you also couldn’t stop yourself from being near him. He annoyed you but you kept putting yourself in the position for it.

One day when you sat down at lunch he sat beside you and you couldn’t help but feel your stomach do an excited flip. It drove you crazy that you were attracted to him, and you couldn’t admit it to anyone. The oldest counselor having a crush on the new bad boy counselor. Okay that sounds ridiculous, he’s still a camp counselor at a summer camp he’s not a bad boy, you thought to yourself. You tried not to overthink it whenever you caught his gaze though, or whenever you’d pass him something and your fingers would graze each others. Or whenever he’d scoot closer and your shoulders would bump for a second. Whenever he’d sneak off to the local town at night and bring you back your favorite candy or soda. Whenever he’d gently touch your waist to get by you in a crowd.

You tried to keep yourself out of your head with this sort of stuff. So many times you were just making something out of nothing. But you couldn’t help but notice he treated you with more respect than anyone else at camp- hell even the director he’d slept through meetings with. He was always eventually attentive to you and did what you asked.

It came to a crux the night after the first round of campers left. All the counselors had a tradition of a giant bonfire at the end of the sessions, using it as a destresser before the next session started. The occasional bottle of vodka or joint would somehow slip its way in.

You were in your now empty cabin brushing out your hair when Jenny threw the door open. She had a Coors in her hand that she somehow didn’t spill as she threw herself onto the mattress of a bunk.

“These kids! They kill me!” she said dramatically. To her credit, one of Jenny’s campers did have a fiercesome bee sting allergy that he only found out about this last week.

“Aw Jen you’re doing a great job though- there’s no way it can happen twice,” you laughed, trying to offer some comfort.

“You’re just saying that and you know it,” she retorted, “I wouldn’t expect you to understand, you’re so stuck in love with your co-counselor,”. You threw your hairbrush in her direction. She giggled and dodged it. “Hey I don’t blame you girl, he’s tall, funny, curly hair, good with the kids, what else do you need?”.

“First, I am not in love with him, and second, there’s a lot more I need in someone to- to be like that with them, thank you very much,” you said.

“Mhmmmm” Jenny hummed, obviously not convinced, “we all think it’s sweet don’t worry. You’re not nearly as upright and you actually seem to be having fun with the kids this year,” she noted. You tied your hair back and shrugged.

“Maybe I just know what to expect, have you considered that?” you huffed, “Angus is a…” you started trying to think of how to finish, “he’s a fine counselor and friend and if he ever asked me out I might be inclined to say yes. Are you happy now?” you rambled.

Jenny sat up and grinned, “I fucking knew it”.

“Throw me my brush back and we can go to the campfire alright? And please don’t bring this up okay? I’m sure we’re both just being delusional right now,” you said, “he’s just weird, he doesn’t like me or anything,”. Jenny tossed you back your hairbrush.

“He’s more of a pain in the ass to everyone else except you, just sayin’” she remarked as the two of you left. You elbowed her which only made her do it back to you, leading to the both of you poking and prodding each other.

The sun was already behind the hills, making the sky a darkening blue by the time you two got to the bonfire. It was already pretty big, but a group of the male counselors kept going into the surrounding forest and somehow coming back with more and more dead wood to toss into it. Angus was there with them which earned a poke in the back from Jenny. You hissed and slapped her hand away, taking a gulp from her now warm Coors. Angus and another guy chucked in an old tree stump which caused an upward spiral of soot and smoke.

The crowd of counselors grew and Jenny disappeared into the mix. She was always the social one. You could be social, but with most of the folks being younger than you, if not intimidated by you from being there for so long, you weren’t usually chatty at these things. You’d picked up another beer in the time and took a seat on the bench closest to the fire. Laughs and cackles filled the air with the crackling logs and groaning wood. You took a long sip of the beer, wishing it could’ve tasted at least a little better. Apparently your distaste was obvious as a familiar voice chuckled beside you.

“Not a beer drinker Lightning?” Angus laughed. You turned to see him in an old flannel with a cigarette loosely hanging in between his lips.

“You don’t need to use the camp names when the campers aren’t here,” you said. You couldn’t stop glancing at the cigarette.

He shrugged and put his hands in his pockets. “Mind if I sit down then, Y/N?” he asked. You scooted over to make space. He ashed off the top of his cigarette before stomping his heel on it to make sure it was out. “You’re looking at me like you’ve never seen a cigarette,” he said as he looked over at you. Embarrassed, you quickly took another sip of your beer before you could remember how shitty it was.

“I just wasn’t expecting it out of you,” you said, meeting his eyes.

“You ever tried one?” He asked. You shook your head no. “You want to try one?” he followed up, offering his half smoked one out. You gently took it from his fingers and stared at it.

“What do I do?” You mumbled quietly, feeling a little self conscious in front of him.

His smirk returned to his face, “wow you are such a little goodie two shoes aren’t you? Just suck in on it and then blow it out. Surely you know how to do that much,” he said. You swatted at his knee.

“Shut up shut up I’m just joking around,” you said, very much not joking around. You put the cigarette to your lips and inhaled, and instantly began coughing, doubling over on the bench. Your throat felt like it was on fire and you held out the rest of the cigarette back to Angus.

“Oh no Y/N!” He cried, trying not to laugh. He wrapped an arm around your shoulder and patted your back, “too much for a poor little lady,”. You tried to form an insult, but you just kept coughing. After a few more seconds of wheezing you finally sat back up and took a deep breath of campfire air.

“Fuck Angus you’re trying to kill me!” You wheezed.

“I’d never. You’re too good at your job here and I’d miss you too much,” he laughed as he continued to slowly rub your back. Your insides spun at the idea of him missing you.

“I’d have to come back and haunt you then,” you said once you had your air and voice back. Angus laughed and you felt his arm drop from your back to the other side of your waist, keeping you on his side.

“Christ, I’d only dream to be so lucky,” he smirked as he put the cigarette back in his mouth with his free hand. “Let me make you some s’mores to make up for it,” he said as he looked over at the marshmallows and chocolate beginning to be brought out by some stoned teens.

You swallowed your pride as you nudged a little closer to his side, feeling his hold on your waist follow suit.

“I think you should stay here though- just in case I faint or something from lack of oxygen,” you said, looking up at him. He looked down at you, his brown eyes reflecting the now roaring bonfire.

“That could be arranged,” he grinned, before yelling at one of the teens to bring over the marshmallows.

[emry-stars-art]

Oooh do go on about raven neil and jean 👀 (if you’re so inclined ☺️) - @neil-jostenminyard

*chanting* raven Neil raven Neil raven Neil (and lots of Jean) (quite possibly even jeaneil) (although most of the thoughts are post-ravens lol)

So my personal thoughts about this are also mostly thanks to chats and inspiration/prompting from @jtl-fics and @greenautumnleaves so if you see any additions from them on this post it's most likely also thoughts I adore lol

Anyway this got kind of long so:

I ALSO latched onto Sakavic's statement that Neil wouldn't leave Jean in the nest bc yeah it makes sense and also ow

But just the two of them being partnered up like Riko and Kevin as is common in these aus, and then after Kevin gets out first, they have to stick together and rely on each other even MORE because Riko is pissed that Kevin is gone and probably takes it out on the next closest two idk

But in our imaginings, Renee or Andrew get Jean out quicker than in canon, again because Neil would refuse to leave Jean behind and I can only imagine he'd go so far as to trick or manipulate Jean into leaving. Maybe by being at a certain place at a certain time to get picked up, however he can make it happen. But the issue we run into is that once that's done, what the hell would Neil have left at Evermore, besides Exy that maybe he still loves deep down. But Exy's been so warped being raised on it at the nest that at that point his obsession is barely recognizable.

Kevin might recognize this, because he knew Neil in the nest. Or at least he knew the person that Neil presented himself as. But it's probably more likely that Jean recognizes this, and yeah things are super rocky and weird but Jean can barely even function without Neil. So back a fox goes to rescue their second raven's partner.

They bring Neil back to Palmetto and he and Jean are completely inseparable. Emotionally and physically. Neither of them act like, feel like, or even call themselves "touchy feely" or "clingy" people but as soon as Neil is treated for various intense and mysterious injuries, they're curled up in some hidden place for hours. Even the short time having left Neil behind made Jean almost too anxious to leave his room. Even the short time without Jean - now with more punishment for aiding Jean's escape - was enough for Neil to consider something drastic.

(side note: Andrew now has not one, not two, but three gorgeous tragic boys under his supervision and I'm sure he's handling that totally normally lmao. But it's so obvious to him that Jean and Neil have something going on that any ideas for himself aren't worth entertaining.)

So it's a little easier to ease out of various habits and thought processes because Jean and Neil are doing it together, with outside help. They fix their sleep cycles/rhythms, try a slightly more normal college diet, and most slowly lose their "win or die" mindset in practices. They're still never seen without each other - Wymack had a talk with some of the school board about their schedules and dorm arrangements for the first semester. In reality, he's not sure if he should have them go cold turkey on raven habits or if he should take it slower, but he's doing his damn best to get these boys adjusted to life outside a cult. And Neil and Jean, whether or not they actively realize it, find that step to be the one they absolutely cannot take. Why would they go through the agony of learning to live separately if they don't have to. When no one else understands them like the other, when they've already seen each other's worst so nothing else is worth keeping secret between them. Who else is Jean going to go to when having a better life makes him feel like he more deserves death or punishment and the guilt hits him so hard he can't breathe, much less sleep. Who else is Neil going to go to when he can't let go of his birthright - if he isn't good at what he does (Exy) he literally could just be shot like a lame horse - and he's not allowed to go practice Exy against a wall to the point of tearing himself apart anymore so he forces his feet away from the court to find the only person he knows he'll listen to when they say no.

Kevin, of course, is keeping a close eye on the two, whether unintentionally or on purpose is unclear. Neil still has a mouth on him, he sometimes plays mind games with the foxes like chess against himself, and most of all does not allow anyone to get too close to Jean. Jean is still quiet, having learned not only to take a punishment without resistance but also that Neil will speak first. Neil will resist so Jean doesn't have to. He's safer in Neil's shadow.

Maybe it's a phrase or warning that Neil uses and that Kevin recognizes. Maybe it's a gesture between Neil and Jean that Kevin oversees. Maybe it's just the general demeanor of the two. But whatever it is is familiar to Kevin, not in a "I remember this from them in the nest" way. He can recognize by now that Riko was not good to him, he can acknowledge it even if the rest of him hasn't caught up. He looks at Jean in Neil's shadow and remembers himself in Riko's.

As if Butcher's son Nathaniel Wesninski wasn't already scary enough on his own.

But Kevin won't allow this kind of thing on his court, and he's not good at it but he is still trying to let go of unhealthy raven ideals. If Neil is holding onto some fucked up dynamic, Kevin is going to put a stop to it.

He pulls Jean aside, a miraculous feat. He asks what Neil has done.

"Mistake" might be an understatement.

It could very easily be the longest string of words Jean has said to anyone besides Neil. Kevin doesn't know near as much French as he does in canon - Neil is the one that shares that secret defiance - so it's all clear English, Jean making sure Kevin understands every word. Kevin should never speak about Neil that way again. He knows nothing about them, he shouldn't so much as pretend to understand Neil. Neil is the only good thing that ever happened to Jean. Kevin never cared enough to bring it up in the nest, so he has no right to start caring now.

It isn't great for their already tumultuous relationship. Kevin wonders for a bit if Jean would tell Neil about it - then next practice Neil doesn't even try to work with Kevin, even after the two had made it a point as strikers to figure out how to. He ignores the other strikers entirely, falling immediately and seamlessly into perfect synch with Jean behind him, speaking hardly a word of English the whole practice. Because he knows that will make Kevin even more angry than Neil being actively hostile to his new teammates.

Kevin isn't sure what he was expecting. Chances are Jean hadn't even needed to bring it up for Neil to notice something was off.

As for Andrew, I think he could still pick up a game of truths. He'd need to offer a similar deal as he did for canon Neil, this time for Neil-and-Jean, the entity of the two of them together. I think he could ensure some cooperation by saying he won't force Jean and Neil apart from each other the way some others have muttered about doing. Even if Neil knows by now the codependence isn't healthy, neither of them are ready to give it up.

It probably really throws Andrew to hear that they don't consider themselves to be an item. They're together, sure, but for a raven that doesn't always, maybe even rarely, means "in a traditional relationship". Neil and Jean definitely never offer any clarification. That's no one else's business, even if they could explain it so that a non-raven could understand. Generally I feel like if this is an andreil universe, it's an even longer, stranger, more winding road to get there than in canon.

I'm almost CERTAIN there's more Im forgetting about rn but this has been my taster on raven Neil+Jean, I hope it was at least a little bit coherent, and greenautumnleaves - I hope this comes anywhere close to your galaxy brain ideas on these two lol. Maybe I'll be back with other thoughts later who knows

[beanghostprincess]

Weird self indulgent bullcrap but hear me out okay-

Seraphim Buggy.

The strawhats get to Egghead and there's so much going on, it's wild and crazy and things start calming down after a bit, but then one group manages to find a tube in the far back. Luffy is staring HARD at the little body, battered and bloodied, white hair floating like a curtain in the solution, but the round red nose is a huge give away. He recognizes that nose. He recognizes that face.

"Is that... Buggy?" Nami is confused, hesitant. Zoro frowns at the tube, at the injuries on the child's body, bruises and scrapes and filth.

Luffy is silent before he hauls back and punches the tube with a Haki coated fist. The others yelp, scold him, Chopper shrieks bc they don't know if that will hurt the kid, but-

It doesn't even crack.

They stare.

Franky and Chopper dive to the control panel to try releasing the child, while Luffy is still staring at the unconscious body. Usopp is equally quiet, both assessing and reaching out. They know Buggy in varying amounts, but absolutely nothing about this kid feels Right. There's a wickedly sharp undercurrent, even unconscious, that makes even Luffy wary.

They get him out, he's still unconscious, but he's safe. Chopper begins working on patching his wounds up, and midway through the kid's presence locks down to near nothing before white-gold eyes snap open. Luffy meets the gaze easily, inclines his head slightly, seeing the minute tension the ripples across the tiny clown's frame. S-Buggy blinks for a moment, then reaches out.

Luffy let's him touch the hat.

The kid is silent for a moment before he croaks a soft "bro...ther..."

They take him with them. Over the course of it all, they find out why the kid was locked away in stasis, learn just what they released from the tube, but the little seraphim is so taken with Luffy and is so happy to just cling and be clung to that they have issues believing that THIS is the demon the others were mentioning, the monster that had been locked away for everyone's safety. It doesn't help that this is BUGGY and any iteration of the clown being powerful just seems ridiculous.

Then something happens. And little S-Buggy causes a near apocalyptic level of damage.

None of the crew is killed in the rampage, none so much as injured by the little jester boy, but it begins painting things in a new light.

By the end of it all, as they're leaving, Luffy tells the crew to contact the Cross Guild. "A pirate ship isn't safe for kids," he says with finality. They nod. He keeps S-Bug distracted, they actually make efforts to AVOID fighting, miserable though it leaves some, and they soon meet up with the Guild.

"Uncle," Luffy calls out, shocking everyone in earshot, especially when Buggy greets him back.

Luffy knows a lot more about Buggy and Shanks' childhoods than most do, pieced together from times when he was small and begging Shanks to bring him with the crew, when he and Buggy had time spent together, especially on the way to Marineford. So when he saw this like Seraphim, felt the Haki, saw the damage, he knew this was out of his wheelhouse. He was going to be King of the Pirates, not because he idolized Gol D. Roger, but because he was going to be better than him.

By Davy Jones as his witness, he would be better.

Buggy is mildly annoyed, confused, exasperated, but then Luffy meets his eyes dead on, steady, and says "He hasn't learned control yet."

And suddenly, Buggy understands. He winces. Hisses through his teeth. "Fuck."

"Yeah."

"No Red, then?"

"No. But he saw my hat, called me brother."

"Fucking hell."

"A ship is no place for a kid," Luffy says, voice surprisingly mature to most who know him. "But an island..."

"Yeah," Buggy sighs, rubbing a hand over his face. "Shit. Yeah, an island is safer. Has he imprinted?"

"I dunno, but he's pretty docile if there's no perceived threat."

Buggy groans, but opens his arms to take the child, giving the kid warning of touch, an open offer. The little seraphim hesitates for a moment before diving towards the older pirate.

Crocodile, Mihawk, and the strawhats all watch on in varying stages of confusion while the two captains talk.

There are many questions to be asked, curiosities to be quenched, but for now? Karai Bari offers docking overnight, and a new resident is welcomed to the island.

Right now I can only think about,, How cute a seraphim Buggy would be,, And also, Buggy and Luffy's relationship here?? My beloveds 😭 Everyone is so confused and doesn't understand why they know so much about each other and get along so well because Luffy is the master of never talking about his past unless he's asked,, Really happy this little Buggy can be with Buggy, though, always saying Cross Guild as dads with the Seraphims is an amazing concept.

[artzee-bee]

More Poly!Bethan Headcanons

Fandom: My babysitter's a vampire Genre: Fluff Warnings: none A/N: I had some ideas left over and I figured it'd be a shame for them to go to waste so I hope this makes at least one of you happy today!! ~~

Benny loves being the big spoon!!! Holding you and Ethan is as close to heaven as he thinks he can find on earth. 

Ethan is a much bigger fan of more subtle acts of affection.. He’s particularly fond of interlocking pinkies! He finds it very sweet and comforting and he takes basically every chance he gets to hook his pinkie finger around your’s or Benny’s. This is a particularly common occurrence during classes. He’ll totally deny it if you try to bring it up tho

You love challenging your boys at video games. They usually win (probably because they have a lot more hours or practice than you. Like, an unhealthy amount) but it’s always fun for all of you!! Gaming nights > movie nights for sure!

Ethan is more inclined to go easy on you and let you win most of the time. He finds it endearing how happy and excited you get to be beating him (you know what he’s doing, but don’t complain). Benny on the other hand is competitive! Good luck with him because not only will he give 110% of his efforts in every game but he will also rub his win in your face!

You are the mastermind behind all ghostly fights. You’re the strategist of the group for sure and Ethan and Benny love to watch you think and come up with crazy ideas of how to get yourselves out of whatever mess you have to deal with now. They are almost entranced seeing you type away at your keyboard in concentration (they definitely share knowing looks behind your back like ‘Yep, that’s our girl!’)

Grandma counts on you a lot to keep the boys in check, although she never actually blames you if something goes wrong. She knows how sneaky they can be but appreciates that you look out for them most of the time and because of that, you two have a really trusting relationship.

Benny loves taking pictures whenever you guys are together, even if there’s not much going on! Some are candids of you or Ethan, working, cooking, cuddling, the works! And those are really sweet, always showcasing really tender and domestic moments. He’ll never tell you when he takes them, he will just spend them in the groupchat after he goes home.

Other times, the pictures are absolutely chaotic. Blurry and shaky! Taken at weird angles or too close to your faces! His gallery is full! Some of them he prints out, others he saves on his computer for later times. He used to hang most of his pictures on his walls but Grandma eventually got him a photo album and he discovered that despite feeling old fashioned, he enjoyed that much better!

Ethan sometimes has a hard time falling asleep! His mind is running and he has a very bad habit of overthinking. Especially if he’s in the middle of solving something supernatural, his mind is totally wired and it’s hard for him to relax enough to go to bed. He created a habit of calling either you or Benny when that happens. Talking to you about simple stuff, helps his nerves ease and eventually, he actually manages to fall asleep. Although not before complaining about how he’d ‘much rather have you there with him physically’ but he’s grateful nevertheless

[batsplat]

do you have a favorite bit of motogp gossip that you either want to know is it’s true, or you just enjoy as a stand alone piece, no need for further investigation?

one of those where I initially stared at and like. lost all motogp knowledge in my brain. and then stuff did come back to me. this is all very much low hanging fruit and I'll add to it when I remember more interesting/quirky ones. BUT here are some things I want to know:

y'know how casey randomly suggests in his autobiography that valentino was sabotaged in the 2006 title decider? so, personally, I don't really buy this, because 'why' and also 'casey girl you are SO paranoid' - though, sure, if given the option I'd like to double check if valentino had a dud tyre (completely plausible) and also if somebody really deliberately gave him one (?? casey idk about this one). but what I'm REALLY curious about is... there's a change in his autobiography?? like I've seen this book excerpt float around online and the text is different from what's in my book!! mine's from the paperback version so I assume there may have been some edits for that, so that would make it the newer version... but like. this is a real editorial change. check this out:

version posted on the internet, from the hard cover edition???

version in my book, first paragraph is the same

But as soon as the lights went out Valentino was in trouble. I was one of six riders to pass him on the first lap and if you watch the footage you can see how much he is struggling to even keep up with us. His rear and front tyres were just not working together and on lap five the front inexplicably folded and he went down, right behind me. I couldn't help but wonder how he could be having such problems with his tyres. Could he really have been stitched up? It seemed so improbable, but I remember watching that race back in the motorhome that evening and thinking, Welcome to my world, mate.

this isn't 'gossip' because I haven't found anyone else who has spotted this, but like? that's a substantive change? if my one really is the newer one? ...?

let's set aside the fascinating insight you get into casey's knotty and at times bizarre valentino rossi complex with him adding the line "welcome to my world, mate" (oh my god. please just take him to dinner. I will crowd fund this I literally just need to be able to listen in. casey come on CALL him I NEED you to do the dinner thing, YOU suggested it not me). like we're not going to even touch that. but if my version really is the updated one, then he's kinda softened his stance, no?? "convinced he was stitched up" to "could he really have been stitched up"

what happened?? who wanted this change? casey? an editor? did dorna give casey a call? did some poor bloke from pr have to politely ask whether casey could please not state in his autobiography that the most popular rider ever had had a title stolen from him by the establishment?

(casey was talking about valentino's stolen tenth BEFORE it was popular. he did it even before valentino did, bless)

"there are a lot of commercial interests in the sport" also didn't make the jump to the 'new version', mind you. did Big America get to casey

come on you guys have to admit this is an odd change?? does nobody else thing this is weird??

okay fine moving on

Did Valentino Literally Curse Sete

(like. not literally as in did he curse curse sete, literally as in did he say it)

(though if he did literally literally curse curse sete, I suppose I'd also like to know that bit)

the commentators in 2003 brno say so and I'm inclined to believe them, but I need to double check whether sete and valentino really were partying on ibiza together right after that very painful valentino loss at the sachsenring. such a fascinating little detail, that's not something post-2004 valentino does I reckon

I mean, look, obviously a bunch of things from that time period I want to have fact checked. including valentino's friend hearing sete say in late 2003 that valentino wasn't going to be smiling so much after joining yamaha. classic bit of gossip, did it actually happen though

I've referenced this a few times before, but y'know how valentino said that marc's manager alzamora told him after sepang 2015 that marc had been angry at valentino for killing his title charge? I just want. to know. if this conversation actually happened. I don't think valentino would pluck a lie like that out of thin air, especially something so specific about somebody on marc's team, and he has known alzamora for decades but like. maybe almazora just said something valentino misinterpreted? I just find this such a bonkers thing from alzamora if it's true that I would like it confirmed for my own sanity, you know?

yeah look I would like to know if marc really did get casey kicked out of honda, obviously I've discussed this before and it's very he said she said but yeah it'd be fun to know the truth

this is literally peak gossip because I can't find a source for it but I swear a journalist did say it: the rumour is that marc blocked joan mir from joining honda in 2019. like, I'm only including this because I was explicitly asked for gossip as I just cannot find where it was said... but it is something that is. out there. and... again, just curious. like I buy it, but also it could be bullshit!

on a similar note, did he ever make clear to honda he didn't want either vinales or rinsy on his team circa 2016? was it just a vibe in the paddock or was this an actual demand from marc?

speaking of!! the whole thing about alzamora basically rigging the moto3 teammate situation between rinsy and alex marquez to ensure the latter won the title that year. what was that all about, how far did they go there

switching to valentino now. this doesn't quite fit the remit of the question because it IS something I've investigated. and my conclusion is basically a big *shrug*

did valentino block casey from joining yamaha in either 2005 or 2006, and did he attempt to block jorge?

there are completely contradictory sources on the timeline here that do make me feel like there's a chance yamaha was just fucking with casey at the very least in 2006 and valentino had fuck all to do with it, which a recent interview from casey did actually hint at too... he made it sound like maybe yamaha was just using him to try to drive down the price of another rider (which would then presumably be jorge)

I just want to know! and the thing is, it was a matter of open paddock discussion that valentino blocked casey (jorge explicitly references it in in 2007), but something doesn't quite add up between what jorge, casey, colin edwards, articles from the time and lin jarvis have said on the subject! my current pet theory is that valentino blocked casey in 2005 from joining the satellite yamaha team in 2006 (weirdly casey doesn't really imply valentino was responsible for this one in his autobiography, but whatever) but NOT in 2006 (casey does imply valentino was responsible here, you see my problem). and yamaha was fucking around with all four of valentino, casey, jorge and edwards in late 2006/2007. but. yeah. I have unanswered questions

the entire 'alex marquez blocked from yamaha' situation.... again. something is off there. you know the story from late last year about how he was blocked in 2019 from joining the petronas team in 2021? this completely threw me, because there was an entirely different story about this YEARS back in 2018!! I initially assumed the two stories were about the same event, but it can't have been! one's him being blocked in 2019 for 2021, one's him being blocked in 2018 for 2019

from the descriptions of both there's also no confusing them. the 2018 story has to be about the 2018 contract cycle because that's quite literally when it was published, and the 2023 story has to be about the 2019 contract cycle because it explicitly references the space fabio would create by moving to the factory team for 2021, which obviously wouldn't make sense before fabio's actual rookie season. like they have to be about different stories

and in that same 2018 story, marc said that back in 2016 lin jarvis told him no marquez would be joining yamaha:

again, this was in 2018!!

plus, he did say back in 2016 that he'd spoken to jarvis, which kinda backs up this is a conversation that did happen and marc isn't just misremembering the timeline/lying (the notion of marc joining yamaha in 2017 is fantastic, what an absolutely horrendous idea):

now what marc says in 2018 about his conversation with lin jarvis is very similar to petronas yamaha boss razali saying in 2023 that he'd been told by yamaha no marquez was allowed at yamaha. suggests that this is a thing that did happen!!

but again... razali was told that in 2019... after marc had already been told the same thing three years before that, and the exact same deal had already been blocked one year earlier... does nobody else think this is weird?? like, I'm not saying yamaha hq covered themselves in glory here, but is it not a little strange the satellite yamaha squad had basically almost signed a contract with the younger marquez again without checking in with yamaha, just ONE YEAR after this same contract had already been blocked???

again this isn't actually gossip because I'm apparently the only person going ?? about this but I'll say it: ??

kinda been annoying me since december last year, like I know it doesn't matter but I'm just curious about it! why's nobody else talking about the 2018 story!

idk my best guess here is that petronas yamaha was faffing about and playing weird games with the factory team, that the deal was never as likely to happen as they made it sound to the marquez camp. zero proof, that's me spreading rumours yeah... time to create some of my own unfounded gossip

(also of course I'm curious if valentino did have any actual involvement in this. like if lin jarvis was telling marc this in the year of our lord 2016, I'm assuming valentino didn't have to explicitly say to jarvis that 'inviting marc to the team for 2017' wasn't exactly high on his christmas wish list. it is interesting that marc frames it as jarvis making this about. like. all the marquez's way back in 2016, and again, would this really have been on valentino's radar at the time? that feels a bit...? alex marquez was thirteenth in that moto2 season? would certainly be very... thorough for valentino to already have had that particular talk with jarvis)

(mind u there's a fun moment in a 2019 presser where valentino is sitting between the two marquez brothers and the younger marquez is being asked about his contract situation, the implication being he'd had a motogp deal and no longer had a motogp deal. and he's answering and marc's doing his freak stare and valentino is Right There sitting between them... I <3 mess)

man did valentino actually ever fucking block anyone from joining his manufacturer #notmygoat. I still think he didn't know about jorge until the deal was basically done, had nothing to do with the younger marquez, at most blocked casey the one time but then yamaha wasn't actually seriously intending on signing casey in 2006 and was just using it as a play in their jorge negotiations, which.... idk. bit disappointing if true icl. I hope he blocked someone, I'll say it

(also. okay. I don't want to sound awful here because I do have a lot of sympathy for baby!casey but. ignoring the morality for a second, I do LOVE the idea that valentino blocked casey from getting a satellite yamaha seat fresh off his 250cc runner up season because it would conclusively prove valentino did ABSOLUTELY rate casey!! like he didn't even want casey to come close to being his teammate!! not even a sniff at his data!!) (genuinely this is the rumour I'm choosing to believe, I know there's a chance valentino didn't successfully block anyone and was just a complete flop but I want the 2005 one to be true. it really adds something to the rivalry idk... like ugh valentino saw how dangerous casey was proper early when much of the paddock wasn't yet convinced... cute)

moving on

there was a rumour in 2015 that valentino approached dani after aragon to complain about how sturdy his defence was, like moaning about denying him points and shit. now, there's exactly one article about this in marca that is the sole origin point for the rumour, and it says that valentino also interrupted a honda party after phillip island to complain to marc. this does not match up at all with anything either marc or valentino have said since then - and would mean you have to believe that marc wasn't actually blindsided by that presser... also feels a bit unlikely we would have heard NOTHING from any other source if vale was really gatecrashing a honda party

of course, neither dani nor valentino have spoken about this supposed post-aragon 2015 meeting either, not even when dani was kinda accusing valentino of hypocrisy during sepang 2015, but I suppose you could say maybe dani's just not the type of guy to bring it up again. however.... I do reckon occam's razor kinda applies here and if one of these stories is bullshit then they probably both are, plus it's not like marca is exactly a neutral source. still would love to be certain!! instinctively I don't really think that's valentino's style at all, but of course it'd be intriguing if the story were true because it'd be a sign of how 2015 kinda messed with him. but I still feel 2015 is more about him falling back on past tools he'd mostly discarded - rather than, like, acting wildly out of character, which again... well, this brings us back to how that kind of behaviour isn't really valentino's style. basically, I don't buy it, but that's kinda why I am so curious about it? because I feel like it would be really interesting and quirky if he had actually done that. does this make any sense

speaking of, again this doesn't really count because I did kinda investigate it last year.... but you know when valentino in that podcast referenced a conversation with marc around the time of sepang 2015, where marc stared blankly at him? I have a hunch about when that conversation happened, want to know if it's right. this also isn't really 'gossip' because this is a conversation I'm having with myself but

y'know when bez was injured on the ranch late-ish last year? a bunch of journalists pointed out how hush hush they were about what actually happened to bez - like they repeatedly drew attention to that because god knows THEY love some gossip lol. which probably means nothing, but I'm curious what the journalists' theory here is, like do they think it was an embarrassing injury?? OR. look. I suppose the conspiracy theory would be that pecco caused it (obviously accidentally!!) and everyone at the ranch knew it'd be a terrible look if they admitted that because of the whole title fight situation. call me casey stoner because those dots are not real and definitely have not been connected

okay, you know how there were rumours in the spanish tabloids bez said some real ugly stuff to marc at valencia last year, and bez didn't directly address it but freaked a little and did a sort of blanket denial that he'd said anything that bad? I don't actually think he did tbh, but again. would just like to check!

while we're already on bez, there was one report that the switch to aprilia was partly motivated by marc to factory ducati. again, not entirely sure I buy that this would factor into his thinking beyond the obvious 'this means the route to that factory ducati seat looks even more closed than it already did' angle'.... it's very much down my list of priorities but I'd quickly confirm/deny it if given the chance yeah

that's all for now lol

[noonaishere]

Music of the Heart [J.YH] - ninety-four | fifteen minutes late with no starbucks

He only made you wait fifteen minutes.

“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” He shouted as he ran over to where you were, arms folded over your chest as you leaned against part of the log fence that demarcated the entrance to the trail.

You stood, “I thought you said you were going to be on time. Fifteen minutes late isn’t on time.”

“I got confused by the weekend bus schedule and missed the first one. I’m sorry.” he bowed, getting onto the floor.

“Okay, oh my god. Get up.” You pulled on his jacket, trying to make him stand. “People are going to think you’ve really wronged me, get up.”

He wouldn’t get up, and you tried to walk away from him instead. He clung to your feet as you tried to get away from him.

“But I’m sorry, noona!”

A few people shot the both of you weird looks as they walked by. You stopped trying to shake him off and tried to make him stand up instead.

“Okay, fine, then you can buy food after. Just get up, people are looking.”

Maddox stood and you helped him dust off his legs. 

“You really are making me into a noona, good god.”

“I forget, are you an only child?”

“I’m the baby.”

“Ohh…” He nodded. “Sorry for being a handful instead of being an oppa.”

You chuckled. “That sounds like something you could use for an Instagram caption.”

He chuckled. “Well,” he whined a short whine as he looked up at the incline you would be hiking. “Lead the way.”

Forty-five or more minutes later you were at the top of a low hill and could see the landscape.

“We can stop here for a bit,” you said as you looked at the view.

Maddox walked up next to you, huffing and puffing. “I’m-- I’m really out of shape.”

“That’s what happens when you sit in a dark room all the time and don’t eat your meals.”

He nodded, or tried, and almost knocked himself over.

“Why don’t we go sit at the picnic table over there?”

He followed you and sat across from you at the table. You turned and looked out at the view again, admiring it.

“It’s really pretty. Even if it is mostly buildings.”

“It is, isn’t it? It’s nice to be on the outside looking in sometimes, instead of the inside looking out.”

“Mhm. You can’t even see the mountain from my apartment anymore since they put another building up. Now I just get laser sun instead from the reflection of the windows.”

You nodded. “I would never want to go back to my family, but I do kind of miss the town I grew up in. There was just more… plants and green and fresh food and stuff. Not that I got to see a whole lot of it since I was always cooped up inside either at school or at violin lessons.”

Maddox nodded.

The two of you shared in the gentle silence for a few minutes as the few people who were also out early passed by and nodded hello as they did so. The lack of urban noise meant you could hear the wind rustling in the trees for a change. It was healing.

“Stuck in the city… inside looking out… trapped in the gritty, gray walls close in…”

You turned to look at Maddox as he sang softly, looking at the view. He jumped, nearly surprising himself with his speed as he shoved his hand into his pocket and pulled out his phone, furiously typing the lyrics he was thinking up. You didn’t want to disturb him so you looked back at the view while you listened to the frantic tapping of his fingers on the keyboard. 

After a couple of seconds he paused and hummed a tune. He hummed it again, made a noise of displeasure, and hummed it slightly differently. You took your own phone out and turned back around, the recording app open and running already as you held it up for him to hum into.

“Oh--thanks.”

He hummed as he worked on the lyrics and the two of you sat like that for the next thirty minutes, other hikers giving you quizzical looks as they went by, electing not to bother you.

He put his phone down and smoothed his hands over his hair. “Okay, I think I like it.”

You stopped the recording and saved the file as ‘Hiking’ with the date. 

“Can you send me that?”

“No, I’m keeping it and your song will never be finished. Of course I’m sending it.”

“Sorry for making us sit here for so long.”

“That was the point, wasn’t it?” You sent the file and pointed at his phone. “To come out here so you could clear your head and actually think for a change?”

He checked his phone and saw the file and nodded. “Thank you. And yeah, I guess that’s exactly why we came out here.”

“Do you want to stay longer?”

“Mmm… nah. I think that was all I’m going to get out of it,” he laughed. “Maybe the walk down will help.”

“Down? Dongsaeng, we have another hill first.”

“What?”

“Mhm.”

“Noona~” He whined. 

“Stop or I’ll make us walk the hard trail.” You got up and resumed the hike.

“This is the easy trail?” Maddox asked impetuously as he trailed behind you.

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a/n: Ever just need a change of scenery to get your brain working again?

Send an ask or leave a comment if you want to be added to the tag list! 🎵 Any comments, reblogs, or asks are appreciated! I love talking with you guys and seeing what you’re saying about the chapters, it keeps me going 🥰

@luvvvx • @iamthehotdemon • @hrts4hanniehae • @rachs-words • @stayatinykatsy • @anythingrelatingtojinyoung​ • @jaytheatiny​ •

[athenagc94]

Dear Daddy Long Legs - Chapter 9

Jason Todd x Fem!Reader

I'm really looking forward to sharing Chapter 10 with you guys. I think it'll be a fun little treat :) Stay tuned!

First | Prev | Next

Chapter 9

“He really is an asshole,” you grumbled as you followed Steph out of your philosophy class, “I wasn’t aware I could define personal happiness incorrectly.”  

“I know, right?” Steph snorted, “He’s such a nihilist. Did you know he has glowing reviews on ‘rate my professor’? And some students think he’s hot too.” She gagged. “I was about ready to check myself into Arkham before I met you. Thank you for confirming I’m not the weird one here.”  

“No, definitely not. He’s the worst.”  

Your relationship with her progressed rapidly after initial contact. Steph was the type of person who hurdled over the friendly acquaintance phase and went straight for ' I would kill everyone in this room and then myself if anything happened to you' level of friendship.   

She moved seats to sit next to you in philosophy and went so far as to buy you a pack of colored gel pens to bring some color to your life . You had yet to open them but carried them in your bag just in case.  

It was nice to have someone to talk to who wasn’t a coworker or a literately inclined vigilante—not that you’d seen Hood since the incident at Wayne Manor. Several weeks had passed, not that you were keeping track or anything. You would have thought his absence was intentional, but that would be a delusional take.   Avoidance implied tension, and there was certainly none of that. It’s not like you had spent the last few nights sitting on your fire escape, hoping to catch a glimpse of him patrolling Park Row.  

He was probably busy.  

You were busy too.  

Busy trying to make friends.  

“Hey,” you started as you descended the stairs with her, “I don’t know if you have plans tonight, but I need to get out more and I thought we could…”

Your words dissipated on a puff of air. Did you just admit that you needed a hobby? That was desperate, even for you.  

“Oh my god, are you asking to hang out?” She paused, the sparkle in her eyes dimming as she seemed to remember something. “I would love to. Really, I would, but I teach self-defense classes on Wednesday night at the rec center.”  

You curbed your disappointment with a smile. “That’s fine.”  

“Unless you wanted to come with me?” She gasped and took your hand in both of hers. “You should come! Not only are you learning some handy skills, but it’s a great way to let off some steam. Trust me.”  

You’d taken several self-defense classes over the years. Living on Park Row demanded it, and it was the smart move given how often you worked late shifts at your job. You doubted there was much she could teach you, but her genuine excitement softened your resolve.  

“Sure, why not?”  

She squealed. “You won’t regret it. My friend Cass is coming tonight to help me demonstrate some advanced techniques. You’ll love her. She’s a riot.”  

Steph drove. Her playlist consisted of Chappell Roan, Taylor Swift, and Black Canary which felt right for some reason. She sang off-key, but she made up for her lack of talent with plenty of enthusiasm.  

Once the car was parked, she grabbed her duffel bag and ushered you inside. Several people had already arrived, and she greeted each of them by name, her smile wide. She made being personable look effortless, and you couldn’t help but feel a little jealous.  

“Cass!”  

A young woman standing at the front of the room turned over her shoulder. Her black hair ended in a blunt cut at her jaw, her eyes sharp and discerning. She inclined her head curiously toward Steph as she dragged you up to the front of the room.  

“This is the friend I was telling you about. She hates Edwin too. I told you it wasn’t just me.”  

Amusement pinched her brow as she held out her hand.  

You took it and introduced yourself. “Cass, right?”  

She nodded.  

Her silence intimidated you, but you tried not to let it show. “How do you know Steph?”  

They shared a quick look. You tried to decipher it, but Cass had already turned back to you. “We met doing community service.” Her mouth quirked as if she told a joke, but it wasn’t one you were privy to.  

“And we continue that community service with this class,” Steph said as she motioned for you to sit near the wall of mirrors at the front of the room, “You can just sit and watch for today if this is too much.”  

“Why would I just sit and watch?” you countered, your voice firm but not unkind.  

Her smile broadened as she motioned for you to join the rest of the group. There were about ten people including yourself. You settled at the back of the group as Steph took her place at the front.  

“Welcome back, everyone. We have a few new faces in the crowd, so for those who are joining us for the first time, we’re happy to have you.” Steph shot you a quick wink before continuing, “Over the last few weeks, I’ve given you the techniques that end a fight as quickly and effectively as possible, but what happens when a quick getaway isn’t possible?”  

“We stand our ground and fight,” a smaller girl piped up.  

Her expression softened. “The hope is that you can run to safety, but this Gotham, and we can’t get too comfortable. I’d like to introduce my good friend Cass.”  

Cass waved with a sweet smile.  

“She’s here today to help me demonstrate some basic techniques in hand-to-hand combat. I hope you never have to resort to this, but I want you folks to have as many tools at your disposal.” She sighed dramatically. “It’ll help me sleep better at night.”  

That earned her a few chuckles.  

“We’ll do a quick demonstration. After that, we’ll slow it down and I’ll walk everyone through each of the techniques I used.”  

The pair faced each other, their expression hardening as they sank back onto their heels. The next time you blinked, Cass was little more than a blur as she assaulted Steph with a series of expertly aimed kicks and punches. Her movements flowed like water, one blurring seamlessly into the next with the fine-tuned grace of a dancer. There was a musicality to it. You could count the beats, and see the choreography as they moved across the floor.

Steph held her own, but it was clear that Cass was holding back. She could have moved faster and hit a little harder, but she wasn’t trying to hurt Steph. She could if she wanted to.  

Minutes passed before Steph finally gained the upper hand. She swiped her leg, knocking Cass off balance long enough to pin her to the ground. Steph raised her fists triumphantly, almost as if she had forgotten her audience.  

She finally dragged her attention from Cass to address the group, “I might have gotten a little carried away, but you’ll never walk away saying this class isn’t entertaining. Let’s take it a few steps back and walk through the basics, yeah?”  

The rest of the group cooed and applauded. You, however, were still trying to pick your jaw up off the ground. Maybe you could learn a thing or two from this class after all.  

***  

You returned the next week.  

And the week after that.  

And again, after that.  

A month passed in the blink of an eye, and with it came the shift of the seasons. Heavy snowflakes fell from the sky, accumulating along the edge of the windows outside. You waited for Steph and Cass to clean up following another grueling class. Your joints ached and bruises dotted your shins, but you felt stronger—more prepared.  

Your notebook lay flat across your thighs, several failed attempts at a letter started and subsequently crossed off. After weeks of writing these letters, you weren’t sure what to say that hadn’t already been said. It was much of the same and you didn’t want to bore Bruce with monotony.  

“Whatcha doing?” Steph plopped down beside you and rested her chin on your shoulder. She smelled vaguely of sweat and blue Gatorade, but so did you. “You look conflicted.”  

You flipped your notebook closed. “Just working on a letter.”  

“Why? Is your husband off fighting in the war?”  

Cass smacked her arm.  

She inhaled sharply as she gripped her bicep. “Sorry. Go off, queen. You do you.”  

“It’s not so different from journaling.”  

That’s how you treated them at this point. They were a means to lay out your thoughts and feelings. You had convinced yourself that Bruce was not reading these letters. If he was, he would have already pulled your scholarship. You’d criticized him and the institution. Not to mention all the ridiculous ways you addressed him in your letters. If calling him any version of daddy hadn’t resulted in a cease and desist, you were probably safe.  

“Well, good on you for keeping the art alive,” Steph said, “If I had to write letters, I’d personally use purple ink so that the person could feel my essence.”  

You were convinced Steph saw the world in shades of purple.  

“Good work today,” Cass said, “You’ve improved.”  

Her compliment struck a chord. Cass rarely spoke, and when she did praise was even rarer. “Thank you.”  

She squeezed your shoulder before turning back to her bag.  

Steph slung an arm around your front and said, “So, I’m going to the club with some friends tonight. Do you want to come? They’re cool. Not as cool as Cass, of course, but close enough.”  

“I don’t think anyone is as cool as Cass.”  

She smiled to herself but didn’t comment.  

“Does that mean Cass isn’t going?”  

“I have work.”  

You made a face. ���Rough. I know that life. Night shift sucks.”  

“You have no idea.” She took a long sip from her water bottle. It sounded like another inside joke. One day, you hoped to be invited into her circle of secret humor, but you smiled all the same.  

“What do you say?” Steph pressed, “It’ll be fun.”  

You tried to remember the last time you had a night out. You worked parties all the time, but that wasn’t quite the same thing. This was the most social you’d been in months. Did you even have club attire?  

“Are you assuming I’m old enough to get into the club?”  

“That doesn’t matter. It’s Gotham. My friend has connections.”  

Only slightly concerning. You had meant it as a joke, but now you were curious to meet her friends. Steph could probably make friends with anyone if she tried hard enough.  

What was the harm in letting loose—just this once.  

“Will I have time to shower and change?”  

Her eyes sparkled. “Obviously. Do you need to borrow something. I have a—”  

“No, I’m good.” After giving it some thought, you knew exactly what you were going to wear.  

[fubukinorris]

❧ "i'd love to see me from your point of view"

♢regular tags: fluff, established relationship, long distance relationship (shinichiro, akane), alcohol (ryusei), gn! reader, reader is nicknamed bituin (shinichiro), babe (ryusei, senju), and sunshine (chifuyu)

ft. chifuyu matsuno, ryusei sato, shinichiro sano, senju kawaragi, inui akane

a/n: this song made me cry. i really, really want someone loving me one day.. probably when i get over my fears and manage to love myself.

(It's like you got superpowers Turn my minutes into hours) -Shinichiro Sano

"And there was this announcement about the races..."

You met Shinichiro about a year ago. You found him dragging two motorcycle engines along the road and you felt inclined to help him. That help had the element of exchanging numbers, a few dates, and a weird confession that ended up with you and him in bed.

Nevertheless, even when Shinichiro had to go back to his homeland, he was always thinking about you. Sure, he had to work a few more hours at the bike shop to pay for international calls, but it was worth it every time.

"Oh! And I won a contest today! You won't believe how I did it!" Your excited voice makes Shinichiro chuckle. "Tell me all about it, bituin. I have time."

"You sure? Isn't it midnight there?" You ask him. "You should be sleeping, Shin. Don't tell me you're gonna stay up all night and work at the bike shop..."

"Well, my work involves the bike shop but I'm not going to stay up all night. Again." Shinichiro scratches the back of his neck as he said that, laughing a little. "Enough about me, bituin. Tell me about that contest."

"Ah, right! So my instructional materials..."

Shinichiro didn't mind that the late hours were fast approaching. He couldn't wait to see you again. After all, he'll be hearing your voice again in a few months. He needed to count his money for a flight to the Philippines.

(You know me better than I do Can't seem to keep nothing from you) -Sato Ryusei

Ryusei didn't mind if you drank a lot. Besides, you only drank whenever you had a problem. Which was... usually every at the end of the month.

It didn't help that it was finals month. You were already on your fourth glass of whiskey, but it was strange to Ryusei. He had been with you long enough to know that you were a loud type of drunk, yet here now, you were as quiet as a mouse.

Something was up.

"Babe." Ryusei lightly taps on your shoulder. "You've been quiet all night. Did something happen?"

You were still quiet, but you only nod. Ryusei didn't really need to ask, so he just holds his arms out. "Come on, I hate seeing you like this."

A sniffle was heard from you, and you wipe your eyes before you bury yourself into his arms. "What made you think something was wrong, Ryu?"

"You're an annoying baby when you're drunk, babe." Ryusei teases with a small chuckle. You look up at him, pouting. "Can't really hide anything from you can't I?" You ask before burying yourself back into your boyfriend's chest.

Ryusei gently strokes your hair. "Mhm. Nothing really, no."

(I'm getting used to receiving Still getting good at not leaving) -Kawaragi Senju

Senju always spoils you. A lot. Even a simple window-shopping date would end up with you carrying at least one bag of something that you liked.

Senju just... liked buying you stuff. You weren't financially struggling, just really, really silent with what you want and you always decline if anyone would offer you to buy something. Even when someone wanted to treat you for food, you would say no.

"Babe." Senju finally puts her hands on your shoulders. "You can't say no to this one."

"But, baby-" You try to start but your girlfriend shakes her head. "No. You can't decline this one. This is something you've been wanting try and eat for months!"

You had a perplexed look on your face. "Listen, baby. I really appreciate the things you do, but I don't deserve them." You hold her hands as you say that, looking down. "I really... really don't."

There was something laced in your tone of voice. Senju knew that tone all too well. She cups your face now, making you look at her. "Babe. You deserve everything. You... you really do." Senju smiles a little. "If anything, it's me who doesn't deserve you."

You widen your eyes at that, trying to stop the tears from falling. "Don't cry." Senju wipes your tears away with her thumbs. "Listen, you're valid and you deserve so much. Now come on, lets go and try that dessert you've been eyeing."

(You love my lips 'cause they say the Things we've always been afraid of) -Inui Akane

You and Akane met through a mutual friend. The friend hangouts would turn into friendly dates and those friendly dates would lead to romantic dates.

This was your first relationship with someone. And someone like Akane was... a one of a kind.

It was like the red strings of fate pulled you both together, and ever since then the both of you have been inseparable. All those pictures, dates, hugs, and kisses is what made your relationship with Akane much more meaningful.

"Look, it's snowing." Akane giggles when a snowflake lands on your nose. "I guess winter's coming early."

"Funny, winter reminded me of our first date." You say with a laugh. "I was... a nervous wreck, now that I remember it."

"Tell me about it. You spilled juice all over yourself." Akane had a teasing grin and you only blush at the memory. "I didn't spill! The cup just moved on its own!" You retaliate in defense, making Akane laugh. "Hey, Akane-chan! Stop laughing!"

Akane couldn't stop her fit of laughter and you cup her face with your mittens, making her stare at your red face. Akane's face mimicked yours, obviously surprised. "Uh--Wow, you're on a trip to memory lane, are you?"

You only smile. "Yeah... I remember cupping your face like this..."

"And I put my arms around your neck..." Akane does the action, now smiling.

You both stare at each other before closing the gap. The first kiss is always the most memorable, and while others say that finding that spark was impossible, you and Akane definitely kept the spark going.

(I wanna love me The way that you love me) -Matsuno Chifuyu

Chifuyu was always the aggressive golden retriever in the relationship, and even he seemed to notice too. He was clingy, affectionate, a gentleman; you name it.

But what really came down to it was how passionate he was. You didn't mind that he read shoujo manga. You were an avid reader yourself, and that meant the conversations would be way longer than anyone else that you knew.

"Sunshine!" It was the usual routine once more, with the blond hugging you from behind and you giggling at the affectionate action. It had been... what, only six months? Yeah, six months since the both of you started dating. "Hey, Fuyu." You lean up and kiss him on the cheek. "Ready to go?"

Chifuyu lets go of the hug, still smiling. "Why wouldn't I be ready for this? It's our six month anniversary!" He held your hand as the both of you walked in the crowded streets of Shinjuku. There was a Nana themed coffee shop and Chifuyu wanted to take you.

You were curious now, so you finally plucked up the courage. "Hey, Fuyu?"

"Hmm?"

"How come you're always happy around me?"

Chifuyu looked at you, stunned. "Why wouldn't I be happy around the love of my life?"

"Well..." You cleared your throat. "I dunno. I just have that nagging feeling."

Chifuyu had a blank expression on his face before leaning to kiss your nose. Your face turns bright red at the action, and the blond only smiles sweetly. "I love you too much. Seeing you everyday was a blessing already. And dating you? That was probably the best miracle I could ever ask."

[mari-lair]

Could you do an analysis on what Hanako’s life was like when he was human? And his relationship with the “fake” Tsukasa

As in the time gap between Tsukasa jumping in the hole and until he killed Tsukasa because in the 4pm book stacks, when spider face was cleaning up his wounds I see handprints on his wrists which kind of imply Tsukasa (or someone else) did…things

Also do you feel that the manga implies that sort of thing between Amane and Tsukasa too?

I am not very interested in Hanako’s relationship with Tsukasa, so I can't do a 'proper' analysis. But I’ll share some thoughts.

I personally don’t believe there is a ‘fake’ Tsukasa, he has always been weird, he never told anyone that the ‘god’ under the house copied his speech and he didn't show any hesitation or remorse about sacrificing animals to get his wishes.

Which was all to grant Amane's wishes, a brother he decided he would die for since four. He has been obsessed with Amane since way before learning Amane would kill him.

The only thing the “God” inside Tsukasa seems to have truly done is stunt his growth (he still acts like a child) and give him knowledge a normal human shouldn’t know.

Still, the horror child framing of this change is in the mom's point of view: Amane seems happy.

And Amane’s joy remains for years.

When Nene travels to the past and meets Amane, who appears to be at the very least eight years old, it is heavily implied he didn’t come with his parents, just Tsukasa.

At this point in the story, I don’t think he was being abused, physically or emotionally: He is eager to trust and help Nene, who is a stranger, and he displays a lot of confidence, honesty, and joy. Not being scared even when Nene try to steal his wishing paper.

He doesn’t seem particularly troubled with his family either. He ever implies a member of his family is crazy, or shows intentions of wanting to use his slip to ‘heal’ them, as a kid as sweet as him would likely be inclined to do. He seems a bit lonely cause his bro was focusing on something else that he can't interrupt instead of keeping him company, but that's about it.

And in Shijima's world they are buddies, which would be... weird... if Tsukasa had hurt him.

But I’ll be honest, considering how old this plot point is, Amane’s injuries are extremely vague. It could be anyone.

Maybe something happened, and Tsukasa got violent, and clingy to the point of being hurtful, maybe his parents snapped and Amane couldn't blame family, maybe is a third party, maybe is a curse, I don’t know, I don't plan to re-read the entire manga to get a better feel on it, but since you asked for my opinion, I personally think this turn for the worst in his life is partially the red house fault, and partially Amane’s own actions.

Let’s rewind a bit.

Tsuchigamori, or spider face, said the only person to alter their own fate was Amane. Not Tsukasa, who was influenced by future Kou, or Nene, who is always seeing the past: Just Amane.

Changing the future is such a big deal it became Tsuchi’s yorishiro, the spider can’t get over it. So I would say it is important to consider Amane's ‘normal’ future.

What changed Amane’s wish? What made him give up?

It wasn’t Tsukasa’s disappearance or reappearance. It was his meeting with Nene.

These slips are a big deal.

We are told they are rumored to make your wish come true in a land of supernaturals where every rumor so far was true. And that it is so hard to get all the five colors, that Yako was never able to, and she is an old spirit.

And the wording Amane used is... Concerning.

As the astronomy teacher he was fated to be, Amane would have never met Nene again, and even in the case he was still teaching by the time she was a student, she would have not been an ‘onee-san’ anymore: He needed to die before 14 for her to stay an onee-san when they met again all those decades later.

I do think the red house and Tsukasa and so on plays a big part in Amane’s fucked up life, but it is strange he only got injured and “gave up going anywhere” after meeting Nene and putting his wish on the Tanabata tree.

We have no info on this part of his life though so it’s anyone’s guess.

[talesfromlissom]

Hello! I’m here with a writing request since I see your requests are open!

My request is kinda weird but I think it could be fun, it’s a sfw transformers request with a human reader.

Except the human reader becomes a giant, and then is the same size as the average bot- maybe even taller. I thought it’d be interesting to see the bots reaction to sm like that, since they’re so used to towering over organics and having to be careful when interacting with them as to not accidentally kill then. Meeting a human whose is the same size as them and can actually withstand being shoved around without dying would be bizarre to them.

I don’t have a specific bot in mind so I’ll leave that up to you. And for the reasoning for the big human…maybe it was some lab accident or device that caused them to grow? I’m not sure, I kinda just want to hear your thoughts on this lol

I hope you have a wonderful day/night!!

Reader Becomes Super Big || No ships

WARNINGS/TAGS - None :)

A/N - Hi! This request wasn't weird at all! I love it when people make the reader bigger than the bot, it adds a lot more variety and ways to get creative. I didn't name a specific bot so you can feel free to imagine whoever you want!

What the hell happened to you is probably the first thing they’d say to you. Whether it was a freak accident, maybe a relic that they found, or something else entirely, no one is sure. But you’re big now, roughly 50 feet tall, which is bigger than most cybertronians. 

For the more tech-based characters, they’re building you a mecha suit now. Whether it's because they want to protect you or maybe give you a chance to help kick butt with them, you aren’t sure. But you’re getting a giant metal suit whether you like it or not. Congratulations! You’ve officially been accepted into the fold; you’re theirs now, sorry.

For the most science-y characters, they’re trying to figure out what happened. As said before, how it actually did is up to you. Maybe you want to stay the same size? Okay, they’ll work out how to support that while ensuring you’re safe. Want to go back to being regular human-sized? Sure. Want to switch between the two? You get the point. 

Those in the higher ranks, they’re much more…strict with their ideas. Some would flat-out be intimidated by you; how dare you be bigger than them? Some are more sympathetic, and some just flat-out want to keep you hidden for your own safety. 

Medics are constantly monitoring you. You’re put on 24/7 surveillance to make sure your health is up to par, and your atoms aren’t destroying themselves. They’ll also get you food; don’t ask some of them how, but they’ll do it. 

Overall, very mixed reactions in terms of your growing in size. 

FIGHTING, on the other hand, is a whole other story. 

Some are definitely more inclined towards the idea. You’re huge now; just smack some armor onto you, and you’re all set to go. Some would rather you stay from the battlefield entirely. In truth, both factions(if not faction, then whoever you traveled with) will train you to fight a la cybertronian style.

Also, you can and will get to rough house with them. No exceptions.

if anything, most of them just treat you like an overgrown youngling.

WORD COUNT - 351

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[tomfoolies]

the tomja timeline: director's cut, extended edition, way too long of an overview of our relationship development

gonna make a preface here before we begin: suspend your disbelief, 100%. is this actually viable? only at certain times, mostly no. it's unrealistic, out of character for multiple characters, and makes plot holes the sizes of entire continents. i'm not saying that in a self-depricating way, it is literally impossible to add another character that is kinda integral into the plot without rewriting a lot or just destroying the masterfully crafted story…. and like, lets be real. we all know that as soon as people found out about us we would've gotten fired ASAP lmao. but we stick it out until the end <3 because it's more fun that way and i don't care about realism that much, i'm just here to have a good time. so it's very much canon and real to me.

i’ll be recapping stuff i’ve already talked about on this blog so some of it will be a repeat but it’s fiiiine. also. this is over three thousand words. i can't be concise.

sighs. let’s go.

PRE-SHOW

> waystar career started off as the brightstar parks department HR manager some years before the show begins. first meeting with tom is around 2-ish years before ep1. we meet during a HR dispute i’ve been put to solve and he is one of the people involved in it… not the best first impression of each other since he thinks i’m cold and intimidating and i think he’s kind of an idiot and weird. but over time we get to know each other a bit more, especially once he rises up in the ranks as well. a few months before the show starts i start in my new position as one of the HR executives for the whole corporation.

SEASON 1

> at the start of the show we're quite familiar with each other, have friendly relations and definitely count each other as some of the closest coworkers. have briefings, having worked together on occasion (idk and idc if this is viable i'm never gonna work in corporate ok), exchange a lot of emails and gossip and have each other's personal phone numbers (for work-related emergencies...?).

> the proposal doesn’t happen because around the time he considers going for it i actually blow up his phone with questions about the old man’s health. not because i wish him a speedy recovery but because i hate him and would love to see him dead (tom doesn’t know the extent of my hatred at that point yet, though). and something stops him, he’s been hesitant about it for a while now and it feels like too much at that point, everything is too chaotic and he doesn’t want to make it worse.

> in ep4 as he’s given the cruise papers, he misses a (very unofficial) meeting with me and i come to his office to interrogate him about it before he has a chance to share the papers with greg. i immediately go for it and start reading the papers in horror because i love to know what is going on. BIG MISTAKE. he doesn't dare to stop me partly because he has his first of many realizations. aaand he knows i’m competent, so instead of trying to protect me he gives in because he does also like that someone else has to deal with it now too. BONDING through the horrors (crime) LOL. WE BOTH IN THE DEATH PIT NOW!!!! but also i threaten him that if he throws me under the bus i will drag him along and figure out all and any excuses. we go down together. i’m also the one who suggests that we shouldn’t go public with it. which also leads to him keeping it more of a secret, not telling shiv about it. sooo literally nobody else knows (until i let gerri know the basics so plot continuity will work out. but at first….)

> so, it becomes my duty to figure out someone to dispose the papers. i still manage to make greg do it. he’d probably be more inclined to help me when he 1) does not know what the papers entail 2) i’ve been only nice and kind to him unlike someone else. so he would help me, not knowing it’s connected to tom as well…. oops. and he wouldn’t get any copies because i’d be keeping watch (and already took some myself for safekeeping).

> in ep6 tom comes to my desk and takes me to an empty meeting room to tell me the situation has been cleared. i get excited because i too have been very stressed out about it, so i go for a bit too friendly hug that he was NOT expecting and so when i pull back he's all flustered and just blurts out "let's go celebrate let me buy you dinner". sooo we do and have fun shittalking and in general just being a bit more personal than usual (he tries to convince me that being rich is fun and i go "yeah i'm sure it is..." seeing right through him). ending the night with wandering the streets just enjoying each other's company, and he has his little realization "aw shit i don't only find her insanely attractive but also would like to engage in romantic relations with her and kinda wish i could do something about it" moment i wrote that one selfshiptober prompt about <3 he still finds out about the vote somehow though...

> his realizations contribute to both distancing from shiv and the roys as a whole emotionally and physically. he feels out of place everywhere, but also he tries to keep telling himself he should just commit, propose to shiv and handle it. set his feelings aside. but every time something happens he’s really put off and like ”i wouldn’t have to deal with this if i wasn’t involved with these people (the family therapy incident for example)…” he starts thinking about what his life would be like. with me. love when i can make a man self-aware and more introspective.

>  roman still gets the guys to go to the (no longer a bachelor) party and i’m there as well, through a friend of a friend. neither of us knew the other was gonna be there… so imagine the surprise once we cross paths!!!! and throughout the night we'd be seen together, having a good time even if everyone else isn't because we're with each other!! but also tom’s feeling ROUGH because of the realizations he’s been having. you all know this you’ve read the fic.

> the season ends in the same place as it does canonically, but we’re all there for some other fancy event instead of the wedding. the details aren't important ok. when greg breaches the topic of shiv cheating on him, instead of refusing to accept it tom feels... relief? anger, yes, but a bit absolved of his sins of pining after me. but it’s also the last straw and in a bold move he decides to go for it and suggest that he wants to break up. it gets a bit messy for SURE. afterwards he comes to find me, surprises me and himself with what’s happened and we kiss and… later that night as we’re hanging outside by the manor’s courtyard, too excited to sleep and too enamored with the other to be with everyone else, kendall comes back from his little field trip and stumbles upon us. 

SEASON 2

> we try to distance ourselves until he’s in the clear, keeping it strictly professional (like watch kendall’s announcement at work together and conspire over what THE HELL HAPPENED) but text a LOT after work, tease and flirt extensively. a few weeks later we finally begin dating for reals once he’s gotten his own place. he invites me over and we drink and he tells me about his new job and it’s a bit awkward (NOT living up to our promises we made over text lmao) but also genuine and intimate. 

> poor guy gets his mancold and YOU KNOW i actually make him take the day off and nurse him back to health <3 and after the hunting trip i comfort him and threaten to fire everyone (i WISH i could but the thought is there. he appreciates it) even though he doesn’t dare tell me the whole extent of it because it’s just way too humiliating :(

> safe room drama includes me checking out COMPLETELY at some other random locked office while he blows up my phone (he calls me like I THINK THEY'RE OUT TO GET ME and i'm like "i'm sure they are honey…", only slightly mad at him because i found out about the human footstool incident LMAO but hey if the guy doesn't report it to the HR… my morals are. very loose in this regard.)

> i doubt my influence would help greg THIS much but it would be fun for him to do his department exploration instead of having to stick with tom so that's what's gonna go down. it'd help build his trust and respect towards me, because i'd convince tom it's better for everyone involved... greg wouldn't have the papers to blackmail with but. he would still know that we're both involved in something we don't want to become public and he could probably use that to his advantage. i think.

> once we hear about the cruise article we get Stressed. because we kept it just between us it'd throw a lot more people off guard. but we'd try to stay calm and let the roys take the blame for a hot second… the anxiety runs high and it does lead to us being a bit distant, but also we try our best to not think about it. we both get questioned, i manage to keep my cool and i actually stored the documents in a smart place (soz greg) so they can be a surprise tool to be used for later :) and of course we would witness the beautiful performance that is l to the og... (< very important for me to be there also)

> my love confession just before his hearing my beloved <3 and… i think that this all would lead to me having to go to court as well instead of greg. since there's literally nobody else to throw blame onto. and everyone else would LOVE to get back at me like that. so it'd happen and while not as bad as tom's i would still not perform very well. a lot of questioning about my suspicious HR violations by getting it on with the boss from an adjacent company LOL. they're like "hmm did you help him get that position" guys no that's just good old nepotism-adjacent activities. but they'd definitely expose our. interesting. email threads…

> but. we survive. i also get invited to the yacht. probably as a terrible ploy to get me killed, but at least before my inevitable death i can have a relatively… good time? then it's up to ME to defend tom to everyone, especially to logan. it gets a little bit uncomfortable and i may fear for my life a little bit. but i'd know i did the right thing when he confesses his love for me <33 and i secretly promise to myself i will stick with him no matter what; i'm in too deep to give up on him.

(ALSO. JUST REALISED. CHICKEN SCENE NOT REAL IN THE TOMJA TIMELINE MOST LIKELY. BIGGEST LOSS OF THE CENTURY……..)

> and when kendall gets revealed to be the sacrifice… me and tom's suspicions rise even more. full circle moment? he gives us a look and we can't help but think that something’s going on. but also i really wanted to help him out earlier, so i talked with him, we connected a little bit and the papers i saved end up being of great use >:)

SEASON 3

> relatively smooth sailing until ep3, he gets drunk and self sacrificing, you know what goes down… but i don't know if i'd manage to prevent him from executing his idea or not. on the other hand more plot continuity on the other hand i want to avoid the tailgate party argument… luckily i don't have to know. nevertheless i comfort him even though it does really sting when he confesses to me that occasionally he wonders if breaking up with shiv was the right thing. but then again, he also regrets getting into waystar in the first place. and he's much happier with me than he ever was with her. he's just feeling very scared and disposable and i can't help him. i just don't have the power. but what i do have is instinctual knowledge (mary sue energy) that things will work out and i try my best to relay that to him.

> but then because I'M the one that gave kendall the papers, he would notify me that i might be on the line of fire as well. so… both tom and i would be unbearably anxious about our respective prison sentences. constantly whining about it together, staying up all night bouncing scenarios off of each other and catastrophizing, brought closer by our mutual loss of hope. nobody would like to be around us during this time period (as if that's any different from the norm lol).

> here i can't decide if i'd tell tom i helped kendall or not. i would probably need to divulge that i'm more involved in this than what i originally planned. but not tell him the whole extent of it. BECAUSE i want that kendall's talk with tom in ep6 be more interesting (i've talked abt this before but YOU'RE GETTING IT AGAIN). he would tell tom what i did, and try to persuade him to switch sides because he knows i would respect him for it. i have 0 loyalty to anyone (but tom…), i genuinely don't give a shit about waystar and would just abandon the ship if things got too much, so it wouldn't be that much of a stretch. and he'd feel more inclined to do it for sure, since his loyalties have also begun to shift. but he won't do it, even if it's just because he knows that kendall will get fucked eventually.

> of course once he finds out nobody’s going to prison, he comes over to my work station and we slip into the first available meeting room, very discreetly and very casually. intense making out ensues as celebration. and later at ken’s birthday party we get wasted and make everyone else jealous with how stoked we are. actually feeling really great and happy and not caring one bit!! we'd also obviously get invited to the mama roy's wedding <3

> things get convoluted here. shiv would not tell tom about the siblings' planned coup so he wouldn't be able to rat them out to logan. but. everything would go badly for them nevertheless... how? i don't know. but it's succession we're talking about the narrative has doomed them already. again i don't care about realism THAT much.

SEASON 4

> i get suspicious at connor's wedding when i realize the siblings have mysteriously disappeared. and tom calls me immediately afterwards. i'd try my best to comfort him but i'd be lying if i said i was sad. and he knows that too. anyways, greg and i manage to escape the boat before it embarks and gossip all the way to the office to get rid of the documents as per his request. wondering what really went down. sonjagreg bonding moment <3

> and as i've said before tom would definitely be uneasy about it for a while, partly because it made him realize what he has to do next, that he no longer wants to go down the path he's been walking for such a long time now. he'd have a crisis about it for sure, and it'd lead to him having some nightmares about the whole thing. his resolve to leave waystar behind is growing stronger, and when he's hit with the harsh truth of "nobody likes you here plus the old man kinda of wanted you gone for a good while now since you abandoned his family for some upper middle class bitch (me) so don’t even think about the CEO spot" he might not show it but man does he agree with it.

> hmmm. maybe no tailgate party at our place? BECAUSE. for no other reason than why not, i'd say we move in together around this time. partly because it feels like the only thing we can control in that moment, partly because i pretty much live at his place with juno already so not a lot really changes... so. there's no sleepless nights (i let that man sleep we're not animals) and NO DRAMA NO ARGUMENTS!!! boring and leaves many things open but it's fine we can still be invited, it can be at someone else's place <3 because i love nothing more than being a side character/witness to the main plot drama.

> america decides what america decides and i go welp fuck wanna start life over in finland? is it sheep farmer time? and i manage to drag tom out of his office and make it in time to witness logan's funeral. one last hurrah with the roys, his moment of closure for that particular era in his life.

> by the time the finale rolls around, instead of feeling like he’s willing to do anything and everything to stay in mattson’s good graces he is growing disinterested. kind of ready to walk out already. we strategize it, i resign from my job and he's just waiting to get fired as soon as the merge happens. so... when he gets offered the CEO spot he is VERY surprised. but he doesn’t want it, not anymore. so he tells mattson just that, hands in his notice and comes home to me.

> post-canon includes us getting new jobs after an unemployment vacation, moving to a nice little house with a garden and a backyard for our dogs <3 travelling a bunch, and getting engaged soon after that. engagement lasts for multiple years, like i previously said, with a destination wedding (very much leaning towards lake como teehee). aand then we just chill out our fun mundane domestic DINK life until the end of time <3

[boobblog]

We're going there

I'm not sure if I've done a good job at explaining just how emotional it is to have cancer. I'm purposefully not capitalizing the word, because that gives it too much power in my silly little head, but the grammar is killing me too. But the emotions, dude.

I don't feel sick, not cancer sick anyway. I feel abused, defeated, mutilated, and forced. But not sick. Usually we have something tangible to grab on to, to know when the treatment is working, and we can gauge if we are getting better. Zofran works for nausea, Gabapentin works for nerve pain. But nothing, and seriously, there is nothing that can help you escape cancer unless you have surgery, do the chemo or radiation or whatever fucked up combination your cancer determines you need.

My treatment plan has been set in stone 100 times. That stone must be made from fluid because it is ever changing, like my cancer. But, where does that leave me? I'm a whole person with a life and dreams. I've had body dysmorphia for the majority of my adult life. I am in remission from Bulimia. That's what William calls it, because I always struggle with food, I'm just not throwing it all up right now, but the thoughts are always there.

I guess you can say I've lived my life trying to be the person others wanted me to be. I was in ballet for years, and have distinct memories of playing a munchkin in The Wizard of Oz at 8 years old. My teacher pinched my thighs in front of everyone and said "at least the munchkin's were pudgy." Implying I was the perfect munchkin.

Trauma is weird. I've held on to that memory for my entire life. A pudgy munchkin, that's me. Nah, not me. So I started running. And running, if you didn't read that in a Forest Gump voice we can't be friends. I ran my ass off. Literally. I was also abusing Adderall and in nursing school. Not the best combination when you're trying to prove to people that you are good enough.

Every stage of my life has been met with a man giving me his unwelcome opinion about how my body should be in order for him to be happier. Stronger thighs, biceps, defined deltoids, heavy squats, inclined bench presses, all of it, and I was solid. The best shape of my life, at that time according to the man I was trying to keep. Ever evolving and I was the one doing the work.

None of that shit mattered, they still cheated and left. Left me, the new me I didn't know what to do with, and the old me inside that was furious with MYSELF for not being better.

Hello depression, my old friend. Stupid cycles of dopamine and sadness, seratonin and anxiety, life and death. But when you become a mom, NOTHING is just about you anymore.

When I was diagnosed the thing I was most upset about was the loss of autonomy. I did not and still do not want to do a damn thing. I have lost it all and I'm tired, I couldn't stand the thought of forcing my body through more trauma. To me it wasn't worth it. I wasn't worth it.

I mentioned being raped, more than once. This body, my body, the vessel I was given to do this life in has never been fully mine. Maybe that's because I never took ownership over it and wanted so badly to be taken care of. I let men specifically treat me in ways that would make me cut a bitch today. But not then. Back then I remember feeling as if I had left my physical body and was floating somewhere within his breath hovering and watching what was happening without saying a word. Not knowing the words to say because it wouldn't stop it anyway. I'm crying now just typing it because I'm still so mad at myself. I'm mad at them, I'm mad I didn't say a single word. And I'm mad at the system for telling me I shouldn't have been there, I shouldn't surround myself with those people. If I wasn't running the roads, I wouldn't have been raped.

Fuck that, and fuck you if you agree.

Those people? What does that mean? The people that chose to take advantage of me and hurt me in ways that I still haven't recovered from. People that take you from parking garages and lie to their sisters that it never happened. But it did happen, and you know it did too. I trusted him, I wasn't in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was just available.

Does that mean I deserved it? According to some people yes. Would it change your mind to know I was 13? I was wearing a swim suit and bermuda shorts (it was 1997) with a cover up. Does that make it excusable?

I'm rambling. I haven't told anyone except those closest to me that. I don't even think my parents know the details. Sorry mom. The words always vanish when I try to tell you. Because it was not your fault. None of this shit is. I have the best parents in the world, for me.

Now cancer. Fuck. So my tumor was, (I say was because that ho was removed on the 13th) ER +, PR +, her2 -. All that means for these purposes is that it was growing and feeding off my hormones. What makes this even more exciting (facetiousness implied) is that I have been on hormones since I was 12 years old.

Heavy periods in young girls means you get put on birth control really early. Then we have to stay on birth control until menopause because boys are dumb and irresponsible and liable to get us pregnant if we aren't the ones doing all the preventative work. As an adult I chose to have an IUD. I chose to have hormones directly implanted into my uterus. Yes it hurt. Because men are little bitches incapable to doing anything for the greater good. If you are offended then I'm talking about you.

Due to the aggressive nature of my cancer cunt I had my IUD removed two days after diagnosis. I wasted no time. Do you know what happens when you remove something that has been regulating your hormones for over 30 years?

Thanos snap!

I'm thrown into the most horrific cycle I've ever experienced. I'm bleeding through my pants within minutes, I'm cramping, I'm crying, I'm scared. "oh Britt, I'm so sorry, but all this is normal, just go about your day and it'll get easier." Exactly how am I suppose to be normal? What is normal now? Nothing will ever be the same from this day forward.

Remember when I told you my breast surgeon said it was small and simple. She wasn't lying, she was speaking from the information she had at the time. But now my choices were lumpectomy vs. mastectomy and chemo. I got to "choose" which surgical procedure. This felt extra important to me. I wanted to feel in control of something. I'm also no punk bitch so if I have to live, and I can't just let nature do the rest and die, then fuck it, go big or go home.

Because my body has been taken from me, more than once, the feelings are very similar right now. These goddamn cells invaded me. Probably because I didn't protect it. But they're here and dictating everything. I'm having a hysterectomy on 12/20. This is because the chemo will kill my ovaries... theres a mass there too...they say it's just a cyst, that's what they said about the stupid goblin in my boob too. Luke had a vasectomy, so no issues with bearing children.

But I'll be damned if even the surgical procedure, the one thing I was involved with also changed. I woke up from surgery with purse string sutures, a technique I had never heard of, with expanders, which I did not want. Again, I explicity trust my surgeons, she did what she needed to do and I'm sure it will "look" ok when all this is said an done. However, no one and nothing can prepare you for the moment you get home and take off the bandages for the first time.

Standing in my bathroom, beat the hell up. I had some post surgery complications and didn't want to do it alone. With Luke beside me I removed the compression bra and layers of dressings and had no words. I felt like a monster. No nipples, drains full of blood pertruding from the sides of my body, swelling, bruising, and hard bags under the surface of my skin where my boobs were.

I had magnificent boobs, according to Luke. Now, I feel like a plate is on my chest. The expanders are not filled right now. I am essentially flat. Boyish even.

Talk about a mind trip. I was trying to verbalize my feelings to William about this, and remember when I said he puts me in my place so easily, he said. "Gender affirming care is so necessary and you are receiving it without any implications, conflicts of interest or even interference from the government." Whoa. Boobs are considered gender affirming care? Without them and without my uterus I can no longer function as a woman. So were my boobs and having a uterus not what made me female? Is it the other sex organ I have? That seems ridiculous, because it's there to birth children as well.

I'm done having kids, and have no use for all these things I was born with. So what am I? A thing? I didn't see me in my body, I still struggle with being me, in this body. That's because it's not my body that makes me, me. How selfish of me to not have known this sooner.

This brings me to a hot topic that I cannot ignore, because I am a woman, that felt like a man in that moment. Full stop.

Trans people live their entire lives feeling like the thing. They are one way on the outside, but someone different on the inside. If my friend went to their doctor and asked to have their uterus removed or for a mastectomy they would be thrown in jail. And some people are worried about sports and where they pee. That seems so reductive to be used in the same sentence discussing their existence.

But that's not what drives those discussions. They are worried that if we are allowed to be ourselves authentically, then we will disturb their peace. My body my choice right, but with stipulations and some white dude gets to determine what they are. My life matters more than my friends lives, and I've been cozying up to that aspect over the last few months. When I say burn it down, I fucking mean it.

I got myself worked up. Political issues and personal rights have a way of overlapping, even if we try to keep them separated. Talk to you hurting friends, find out how you can be a better friend.

I'm sorry, I got sidelined, if you know me you know my political views, and you know I believe that you are more than yours, I am not trying to ostrasize anyone or start a debate. I uncovered a trigger for me. One I wan't ready to feel so close to. It's like I was shown inside the mind of the people I love. And it hurt. It's hurts knowing there's nothing I can do, for them, or for me.

We just keep waking up and hoping to not be angry today. Hoping to not hurt much today. Hoping the treatments work, the hormones go away, the nerve endings die so the electrical fires on my chest stop. There's that word again, hope. I want to replace it, it doesn't serve me and makes me have more questions. I will just keep trying. Whatever that looks like today.