#It's just a really shitty situation right now

[wizzdot]

Sunshine

Chapter 2

Description: Ray finds out a little more about the 141’s current situation. You meet Johnny, and see Gaz in the infirmary..

What the fuck were you thinking following the Lieutenant that you barely even knew. You’d crossed paths with him, what, twice? And not even spoken a word to him either time. Christ, Y/n you really are a stupid bitch..

You stomp along behind Ghost for maybe 5 minutes before he rounds a corner and nods at a black, clearly military, jeep.

“Get in, we’re goin’ back to base”

You scowl at his commanding tone, and climb in the passenger seat, dumping your bags in the footwell between your legs and slumping in the seat, sticking to the chairs thanks to the absolutely soaking that the rain had given you.

The Lieutenant starts the engine and bounces it roughly off of the curb he had parked poorly on.

“Jeez Louise, LT.. you’ll give the lassie a concussion if you drive like ‘aht”

The tin of soup is held aloft ready to smash the stranger in the head until the Lieutenant’s huge paw smacks it from your hand.

“He’s friendly, drop your weapon, Ray” he jokes.

“Who the fuck are you and why are you hiding in the back of the car..?” You growl at the Scottish man, you already knew was ‘Soap’, a member of the 141. He didn’t need to know that you knew who he was though, and you could tell it hit him in the ego a bit when you pretended not to recognise him.

He recovers quickly though, you’ll give him that. He smiles brightly “name’s Johnny, or Soap, and I wisnae hiding. LT said you’d be more likely you come if we didn’t go in mob handed, so I stayed behind..”

“I can still open the door and roll myself into traffic.. don’t fuckin’ test me. I’m coming back to check Gaz, then I’m out. I’ve not agreed to anything or signed anything..” you threaten in a deadpan tone.

Soap gulps and his smile fades slightly. “LT, Cap said she was…. awkt, how’d he put it? Aye thats right.. a ray of sunshine.. you sure you got the right one..?”

“I’m sure Johnny. Now shut up. Don’t need her rolling herself into traffic…” the Lieutenant replies to the chatty Scot. You catch his reflection in the wing mirror and can tell that it physically pains the man to actually shut the fuck up. His eyes are dart in from object to object, his mouth dropping open only for his brain to kick in and remind himself to keep quiet.

The rest of the drive is silent. Perfect.

The truck pulls into base, and you aren’t even taken through security which you thought was strange. The Lieutenant lurches to a halt and cranks the handbrake on, climbing from the vehicle. You follow suit, donning your two rucksacks and your ratty plastic bag filled with your shitty groceries and wine.

“Here lass, I’ll get that for you..”

“Touch me, or anything that belongs to me, and you’ll lose your hand, Soap.”

He retracts his hand as if you’d given him an electric shock. The Lieutenant huffs a laugh.

“This way” the Lieutenant grunts. You follow, with soap trailing behind, kicking stones glumly.

You’re led to an office.

‘Captain J.Price’

‘TF-1-4-1’

Here we fuckin’ go you roll your eyes. The door is opened and you step through the threshold.

“Welcome back, Soldier” the Captain speaks, standing to shake your hand. You ignore him and turn away.

“Not coming back, and not a soldier. Just want to check Gaz ain’t dying” you reply stubbornly.

“He’s sitting up and chatting today. Took a fall from a chopper, poor lad. He cheered right up when I told him you were joining the team” - “seems cruel to give him false hope, does it not, Captain?”

“What did my Lieutenant tell you..?”

“Whoa whoa whoa. I’d like to start off by saying, firstly, I don’t appreciate being tracked down. I also don’t appreciate sending your fuckin’ guard dog to break into my flat and come and fetch me, I also don’t appreciate that fact that you’re just assuming I’ll fall back into the obedient soldier role. I’m not even your soldier, never was, Sir” you smile tauntingly.

“Now, you will take me to Gaz, I’ll have a quick chat with him, and I’ll be on my way - I’m not signing up for this shit again..”

You stare down the Captain who remains silent before the Lieutenant speaks up.

“This shit? What, like it’s worse than what you’ve been doing for the past coupla’ years? Your shitty, mouldy flat, getting groped by drunks at the Rose and Thorn, the tackiest pub in the East? Really? Like you’ve got anything whatsoever that’s better than this..” he huffs laughing.

You clench your jaw and try not to snap. Physically or emotionally. He was right. You’d been horrifically depressed for years. Considered ending it all a few times but you were too much of a coward for that.

“I’ll find the infirmary myself, and then see myself out..” you slam the door behind yourself and leave the three men behind.

Thankfully, you find signs for the infirmary and follow them, finding the correct place. The lady behind the front desk glares daggers at you. “Visitor for Kyle Garrick” you say monotonously.

“Room 3, you have ten minutes, he’s already had visiting time for the day” she whips sourly at you.

“Yeah, whatever” you spit back, storming to the correct door.

Kyle practically jumps out of his skin as you crash through the door. “Jeez, Ray.. you scared me half to death” he jokes, laughing.

“You don’t look as bad as I was expecting. They made it sound like you were on deaths door..” - “what? Nah, mate. Just some internal bruising and a chipped bone in my hand..”

“So I didn’t need to visit then?” You remark bluntly. Kyle’s smile drops slightly. “Well, it’s nice to see you.. I mean.. you left.. suddenly?” he tries.

“Yeah, and now your team are trying to get me to come back, using you as leverage. Know anything about that..?” you accuse.

Kyle looks guilty as sin.

He gulps before starting to attempt to explain.

“Well.. Cap’s been trying to get you since I joined. Laswell only gave him clearance to take on one rookie. He noticed your file remember..? And when I mentioned about my wallet.. and then I got hurt.. the plan sort of fell into place. We’d track you down and try and make an offer… we really need someone like you on our team, Ray..”

“Yeah, the wallet was a sneaky fuckin trick, Garrick. Not gonna forgive you for that one. And now that I’ve seen you’re not on death’s door…” you speak as you walk back towards the door.

“Y/n!”

No one calls me by my real name..

“Wait.. please..”

You don’t want to. You want to leave this god forsaken place and not look back. But I hesitate. And that hesitation changes everything..

[snootlestheangel]

A Bittersweet Of Earthly Things moment

@stuffireadandenjoy @deeptrashwitch

*somewhat inspired by some real life events lately* *pains of working at an animal shelter*

Soap getting called to help the team secure a loose Cerberus. Eventually they trap it and manage to get it into one of the trucks. She's a super sweet pit mastiff mix, with dusty brown fur and gold eyes that have perfected puppy eyes.

But she's sick. Like really sick. Constant diarrhea and coughing. Somethings clearly very wrong, and to Ghost, it's very clear she's dying.

And Soap seems to know this too, and it's a trait Ghost didn't know humans possessed: to sense when the life is leaving a being.

And Soap spends her last few hours with her, taking turns putting each of her three heads in his lap, giving scratches behind all the ears, letting her lick peanut butter off a spoon.

She passes in his arms, and he sits there holding her for another minute.

And it's when he gets up to properly handle the body, that Simon sees he's crying. Not a lot, just a few tears. Enough to show he cared, and he felt angry with the world for letting such a beautiful creature get so sick.

And maybe it's this care, this compassion, for living beings that makes Ghost fall just a bit more in love with this strange little human.

[agalychnisspranneusroseus]

Imagine you're Mr. Wu and your weird gay daughter runs away in tears after destroying some unespecified object while yelling about you ruining her life. Because you told her you'd be moving to another state. This is the last time you see your daughter in half a year, and when she comes back, she comes back... wrong. She's wearing a light leather armor, a fur-lined cape, and a green flower crown. She has two long scars, one alongside her spine and the other along her chest, the tissue around them covered in burn scars. Doctors say she shouldn't have survived. Doctors say she didn't. Yet she's right here, in front of you, hospital gown clinging to her small, fragile, trembling frame. She fidgets with her hands. Getting her to stay still has always been difficult, but now it seems impossible. She won't let go of her phone. She's always texting her two friends. When you take it away, she gets anxious. You always knew those damn phones cause kids to act weird, but your kid having a panic attack seems too extreme, even for her. Then again, she's always been odd. Nowadays, she wakes up crying and screaming almost every night, and you realize she's been stealing her phone from your bedside drawer every night to text her friends, returning it before you wake up. You catch her once and decide to give her that damn phone back. It's the only thing that calms her down, as if she were a baby with a pacifier. She spends her last weeks in LA clinging to her friends, having sleepovers and playing her weird board games with them. Everytime they drop her back at her house, there's an excessive amount of hugs and tears. But the moments when they call her, or when she leaves to meet with them, or when they show up at their door to pick her up... those are the only moments in which you see her happy. One of her friends, the rude and disobedient one, came back with a big scar on her face. She's been acting a lot nicer, though. The other one too. She acts a great deal more adult now. You doesn't know what happened or where your daughter went. She won't tell you. But you can tell this friendship is the only thing keeping her afloat right now. Maybe you know, deep down, that no one else would understand.

And then you decide to move anyway because fuck her amirite

[henrychengtual]

seeing shane of all people be a voluntary participant in this is somehow worse than the actual move

[panaeolus-fimicola]

i love using tumblr as a diary. heres two paragraphs of "i really permanently fucked myself over by transitioning as a minor, on top of already being rather undesirable"

i often feel way too burned to be very helpful, it sucks away my energy to live my life and i can't escape reminders. this is one of the really fun parts of transitioning as a minor and then regretting it, just living is a constant reminder of how much i hated my body and myself. i don't want to exist like this, constant glaring permanent markers of medicalization. transition negatively impacted my life and the trajectory of it, my opportunities, in so many more ways than i ever considered, especially since my considerations were all done when i was a teen and perfectly-groomed dead set on transitioning. i thought it was THE way to stop how much i hated living in my body, instead it just opened up new ways and things to hate.

i'm just so tired, always now. i don't have the motivation to do what i need to, i don't feel like i can fit in anywhere. i'm too weird and unpalatable, mentally unwell, a jewish feminist. yes i could technically make friends that hate jews, feminists, and autists, but that sounds like kind of a shitty idea in the long run. i don't want to just rot in a hole, i want to live and be a person, but it feels impossible right now, and a significant part of that is because of what i did to myself. i'm trying not to be pessimistic but. objectively, things are getting worse for jews and women, and on top of that i am an autistic woman who fucked up her body and now fits in among other women even less. much of my dating pool hates jews and 'terfs'. but i guess at least i have my reptile friends and collection of old ds/3ds stuff that feels enough like an old friend. so even if i start wanting to kill myself again, i can't.

[gayvampyr]

`

[buginateacup]

Anxiety is exhausting as fuck and can fuck right off

[cqcandchill]

going through a moral conundrum that i don't know what to do about for the 17263627th time

on one hand i feel obligated to help my mother by staying in her home for financial reasons and keep talking myself out of leaving bc i feel guilty. on the other hand she's repeatedly violated my boundaries and very obviously doesn't respect them when i'm not around (like having people sit on my couch/use my personal shit while i'm away, when i've asked her to keep her guests downstairs regardless of how they're related to me).

and now the latest in that series is sending my cousin to inspect the house - when i wasn't home, without my permission or consent - because i'm not talking to her rn and i'm pretty fucking mad at everyone involved. (and i know this happened bc i came home one day and lights were on that i didn't leave on etc.) and it just feels so violating.

and as much as i hate moving idk how much longer i can keep snapping my last straws because i've been on the brink for this entire year. and i knowwwww that i can't fully heal until i'm out of this deeply codependent situation with somebody who has made it clear she doesn't respect me as a human being. but man i really don't know what the right choice is here.

[rubenesque-as-fuck]

Well damn, today did not go how I expected

[the-kneesbees]

.

[icewindandboringhorror]

Current temperature inside of my room right now in the middle of the night whilst about to go to sleep... villain origin story...

[busylilbee]

I finally bought a real trash can for my kitchen after 5 years of living on my own and I finally feel closer to being a Real Adult

[its-elvie-innit]

.

[pepprs]

having the issues i have is literally exhausting. like why do the miseries have to be ceaseless and the horrors unending.

[genderfluid-druid]

Hmm.

[snekdood]

people will be so terminally jealous of you that they’d rather you reexperience your trauma but somehow in a worse way than just let you live your regular happy life as it has been