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pynkhues · 2 months ago

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Am I the only person alive who would find it (darkly) hilarious if Armand did erase the rest of the 70s interview memory at Louis’ request? I think we can all agree Armand has taken a lot of liberties with the truth and he’s a pretty seasoned manipulator but I’m just so amused with the idea that that was one of the only times he was telling the truth (mostly because of how hard Daniel was rolling his eyes over it and because of how insane it sounds.) it’s got that same energy as that one co-worker who’s always causing trouble who you finally call out, only to find this was the one time they weren’t responsible.

On a similar note, because of how Louis is portrayed (ie with a spotty or unreliable memory at times) and how Armand is portrayed (lying, sometimes directly and sometimes by omission) how do you think about the bits of story we get from the two of them re authenticity? I see lots of takes that just…sweep anything complex or unsavory under the proverbial ‘blame Armand’ rug or the ‘Louis’ brain is Swiss-cheese’ blanket as opposed to examining each action and element of the story through the lens of where each character is coming from in that moment. (For example, I’ve seen plenty of folks question if Louis’ memories of lestat can be trusted at all or if it’s all just Armand’s tinkering to make him look bad and just…it’s a tv show. From a practical standpoint they literally cannot rip up everything they’ve shown you. Rehashing memories can only be done some of the time or the audience gets frustrated. And from a story perspective, can’t we take Louis at his word at least some of the time until shown otherwise?)

(Side note and ironic given my ask but I wish we had half as much discourse about Louis as a capitalist and his understanding of the commodification of experiential human things such as art as we do about whether all his memories are unreliable re his romantic relationships. Thank you so much for including the gallery scene in your fic.)

Hahah, I don't think you'd be alone in finding it darkly hilarious if Louis had asked Armand to take the memory away. Hell, the ambiguity of that scene works because it's believable that Louis would ask - Louis really pendulums between heavy handed repression and unrestrained self-indulgence, and it seems like a dam burst for him that night when it came to Lestat. His name had been unuttered in their home for 23 years! And given Armand can read his mind and could clearly sense thoughts of Lestat in Paris, I imagine he's not been deliberately not thought about too. And suddenly a night with Daniel and it's all he can say! All he can think about! The pressure he's placed on the box he keeps Lestat in has loosened just enough to let it all come out!

To know Armand tried to contact Lestat, to feel his own weakness, to know Lestat might know not just his mental state but his crumbling resolve in terms of the promise he made him in Magnus' tower - - it's not hard to see him asking for Armand's help in repressing it all again.

And in terms of their authenticity in the telling of their stories - - I think it varies! I think Armand definitely and deliberately finds the truth malleable, but that doesn't mean I think he lies about everything. Like you said, he tends to prefer to omit than outright lie - like omitting Gabrielle in his recounting of 1800s Paris or the truth about San Francisco, or, I'm sure we'll discover in s3, Lestat being in Paris in the 40s.

I actually don't think he would've tampered with Louis' memories of Lestat at all though - I don't think he would've needed to. Louis is a really punishing character and Lestat's a volatile one, I don't think it would be all that hard for Louis to focus on Lestat's worse behaviour, or to allow his memory to re-write certain events with the most bad faith interpretations of Lestat's actions, thoughts or words as a means to keep him at an emotional distance. Memories aren't facts, even when we want them to be, and I think for Louis they're as malleable when he needs them to be as the truth is for Armand.

The result is that they enable each other's untruths, I think, which goes to the facade of their relationship. Louis can try and mould his memories into something that justifies his choices, and Armand can mould the truth in a way that makes their love story something more than it is, but that doesn't mean that it's entirely lies or entirely inauthentic. It's a version of a story that they've enabled in one another to perform a happiness neither of them feels, but neither knows an alternative to because Louis' grief struck, traumatised and clinically depressed and Armand has been groomed by a monster, has undealt with trauma of his own and an incapacity to be alone.

So yeah, I think a lot of it is true, it's just not a whole truth.

#and thank you!#i totally agree about louis and capitalism #it's SUCH an interesting area to talk about and i feel it gets overshadowed a lot #i had a lot of fun writing that gallery scene #one of the fics i'm writing for kinktober plays around with him in the world of stocks and private investment too #partially because i'm watching industry #and partially because i want to write him bored with modern forms of business and investment and doing something unhinged as a result lol #louis asks #armand asks #iwtv asks

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astrum-aetherium · 1 year ago

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Henry's been living rent free in my head since I read TSH like four months ago- I cannot stop thinking about him and your blog is single handedly fueling my obsession with him so thank you so much really.

Anyways- I know Henry is definitely not the soft type of guy, but I do believe he could get just a tiny little bit softer than he usually is (sparingly) were he to find a person he really liked?? This is probably just my guilty and mostly out of character pleasure, but imagining him being all cold and harsh as he is for the most part and then suddenly doing or saying that one unexpectedly tender thing out of nowhere (even in a nsfw context, that's even better) and then going back to his usual self in a heartbeat makes me go uughhh

i wholeheartedly agree with you. on so many levels. it's very easy to cross the utterly restrictive OOC boundaries when speaking/writing about him, since all we seem to know is how stoic and cool and constantly displeased he is (although i could impugn this very well — take the glass shard scene or his staying at the hospital with richard as an example).

us as readers, we cannot help but crave a little softness from him sometimes, and i understand that completely. i'm always willing to indulge us all in a scenario like that. in a better world, on slightly OOC premises, he would make an evidently detached, but caring partner. coincidentally, i have been thinking about just that for the past couple of days, despite formerly being convinced it would be entirely impossible to conduct a healthy relationship with that man (which, yeah, if we strictly stick to canon, it still would be, but that's the beauty about fiction — we get to brush past and alter some things to our enjoyment).

therefore, yes — with the opportunity to alter his character just a tiny bit, i believe he would let his soft side flash every now and again. i don't think it would be in any form of physical touch, however, as he certainly isn't one to put his feelings on display, especially in public (in private, however, that'd be a completely different story). it would mostly be symbolic with him. for instance, imagine it being your birthday. as your partner, he would know you inside and out — he is highly attentive and perceptive, especially when it comes to those closest to him, and he would absolutely be well-versed in anything that you might like, or mention liking. he would know. loving is knowing. therefore, for your birthday, he would not only think of and buy you the best and most thoughtful present imaginable, but he would also buy five more to give to the rest of the group under the pretense of "i know her/him/them better than all of you combined, which is why all of your gifts have already been taken care of".

that is how his affection would shine through — acts of service. being spoiled by him is another tremendous part of that. i have already approached this topic in two previous posts, but to summarize: he absolutely would be willing to spoil you in any way imaginable, as it would be the only plausible way for him to prove the depth of his feelings for you (along with kisses and other physical endeavors, which would exclusively be saved for private settings).

in addition, i feel like he would let himself be swayed more and more despite his dogmatic position, meaning he would be willing to comply or enter compromises, especially for you. orrr... to approach the aspect of him portraying the merest smidge of sweetness and immediately reverting to his stoic self — imagine a strand of hair having fallen loose from your hairstyle, or it simply veiling your hair too much, to the point where he would press the book he might be holding under his arm mid-conversation and brush it aside for you with a light smile, only to immediately proceed with whatever it is he had been occupied by previously.

from a nsfw standpoint, his care would mostly show in his being very forthcoming and reassuring to you (asking for consent, asking if you're in any discomfort during a position, checking up on you during rougher activity), and aftercare (bringing you towels/water/a cigarette (lol), proposing to go pee, holding you on occasion if matters had been overly rough and you might still be trembling).

he would also totally be the type to run his fingers through your hair and even play with it. i don't care how OOC some people believe this to be — i need it. sometimes a girl just needs something of the sort.

#astrum asks #henry winter imagine #henry winter x reader #henry winter thirst #henry winter smut #indulgent thoughts #god i love him #and honestly idc about the ooc aspect rn i need him to be soft sometimes #this is very heartwarming even to me and i wrote it #just like UGH

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lovethytendytenderly · 1 month ago

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🤪

Fic Reading Ask Game // Open

Ramble about something you say… I think the ramble I have locked and loaded is the Sidney Crosby gender essay cause I bounced off a fic the other day and was complaining at G about it in dms cause the author was too busy with the major plot conceit of the story to actually think about how that that sorta thing would play out fr fr. Sidney has to be hiding the fact that he’s a sub, otherwise there’s no plot, but they didn’t stop to think about what it actually would mean in the world or for the character to live in denial and hiding for a dozen plus years. I don’t think I have that level of academic prose in me at 11:50 at night and also I’m not quite ready to ever yeet that publicly so instead idk.

When in doubt with hockey I always come back to goalie nesting. Something something nesting fic was inevitable (a thing I’m 95% certain is pinned in one of my dms w/ Ez). So goalie nesting. Sometimes your goalie gets sad. Sometimes he gets feral. Sometimes idk he’s just gotta. And then he nests about it. Which usually means going nonverbal and maybe a little bit growly but in a hot (or cute way). Usually he picks a partner from the team to be his specialist boy and then they either cuddle or fuck (or both) about it. Usually on top of a pile of sweaty game worn jerseys because we’re also indulging someone’s scent/sweat kink. Its great. It’s like 75% a gateway to write smut which I am 100% okay with. I started three different nesting au ideas by asking who feral bitey jars was topping during his nest. Its not all smut tho. There’s a great sidkris platonic nesting jars fic that I think about constantly so six of one half a dozen of the other.

There’s like a long list of things I like about it. One of them is it’s omegaverse-lite. You can absolutely have nesting fic without omegaverse. The goalie nest is like a discount omega heat where nobody has weird junk science secondary genders, sometimes goalies are just too special and they go a little weird and/or feral and have to nest about it. A lot of hockey omegaverse has started to fold nesting in as a sorta cyclical thing - heat and nest being separate parts of like the omega menstrual cycle or whatever it would be called. You can fully have one without the other tho which is what I like. When I’m not in the mood to read traditional omegaverse, nesting fic still hits the spot.

I love feralness in characters even if I don’t love predator and prey (primal) fic. I love that like an accepted part of the common tropes/symptoms is going nonverbal and yet the goalie is understood. Mostly I think I just really connect with the vibe of “it’s an honor just to be chosen.” Like yeah it is an honor to have your goalie pick you when he’s half out of his mind and running on instinct and not only do you love him but there’s also some mind blowing fully consensual sex in there too just to make things better. I keep writing boys talking things out but as someone who would rather drown in 500 words of description before writing a single line of dialogue sometimes the not talking is the fantasy of it all. Especially since it’s so heavy on the comfort side of hurt/comfort. Just drown me in comfort. Let me lie here in this puddle of fluff. Let’s have the characters take care of each other and maybe love each other while one is being very defensive but also very vulnerable.

Even the stuff that’s platonic I think can be really interesting from a worldbuilding standpoint. Like what does it mean if this sort of neurodivergence is just common and celebrated? Like maybe no goalie believes they’re gonna nest but if they do then it’s met with excitement and joy from their teammates. It’s a very vulnerable time but no hockey player would say no to a nesting goalie. Even if it’s not neurodivergence and is instead some mystical mumbo jumbo (read a fic once where everyone was just descended from wolves/werewolves and goalies were closer to the wolf - ie feral - than anyone else. not a nesting fic but a good read anyway) that mean the goalie is the specialist boy, well my goalies are my specialist boys. I do in fact wanna read fluffy hurt/comfort fics where they’re the specialist boys and fuck nasty about it. Y’know? What’s wrong with that

#answered asks #robindrake13 #I feel like there’s a coherent conversation in here but that’s not what i wrote #really leaning on the ramble part of all this #goalie nesting

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farty-city · 1 year ago

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watching the new doctor who special bc this is, first and foremost, a dw fan account. blogging my thoughts

Episode 1

i’m a bit weary of reboots and stuff and i know this will be self indulgent but i have hope bc rtd but we’ll see

i forgot they made donna part of a swirl relationship

omg angst

did rtd manage to make dw child friendly and also profound

well i’m sure they also had to tone it down bc disney

ong they killed her

wtf r the next two episodes gonna be about

omg they made rose like… woah

omg

wow

what if i got emotional

the non binary thing with donna’s rose was like.. lazy tho

i liked the maternal metacrisis solution tho

and they’re going back and rewriting the doctors sexuality but i will excuse it because it’s rtd and an openly gay doctor would have been a hard sell in 08, i guess. also he had that thing with rose

i do partly feel that they were relying on the past grandeur and lore of the show which obviously worked on me but like i generally think it’s lazy

Episode 2

THIS EPISODE IS CRAZY

rtd did not dissapoint

i liked the beginning with newton

the Creaturss r so good

that scene of ten screaming and yelling and hitting the grate me lmao

this is crazy wow

they made them look so fucked up ddujfgjjjfg

what is the mavity

THE FUCKING BREAK INTO THE GALLOP cjfjdjdjd

oh no oh fuckkkkk

oh my god

rtd will threaten to kill the main characters and it will work every time

yeah this one is probably the best out of the three

idk maybe i’m biased bc i liked the plot but the character building and the writing from an objective standpoint with the theme of the mini series binaries and what we hide away and what happens when we are reflected back to ourselves, and how it is distorted- representative of how we see our own self. u know

but mavity tho … was it just for laugh or at i’m i missing something

Episode 3

o fuck i forgot nph was in this ..:/

his fake german lsnjds

doctor who has ai wtf what is that robot

oh this is interesting…

oh god it’s about privacy in the digital age and screens

there’s an evil puppet hiding in our screens

what an interesting social critique..

All World Leaders Are Being Affected By The Giggle

the toy maker concept is actually pretty interesting and definitely reminds me of like the literary jester i just feel like they were relying too much on the toy makers mystique to impress us

women and gender studies majors would have massive words to say about the doctor birthing scene

the catch scene is actually pretty cool

the puppet as a symbol for the biblical christ , the toymaker, the all knowing Creator

and i did like what rtd was trying to say as far as rage and believing you are right

omg ten hugging 15(?)

our blobo finally got the hug he needed

the master callback yes down to the nail polish

good 2 know a twink will still be speed walking around the tardis

so ten got his family and his happy ending…

now ether are two tardis’s. they’re fucking with canon, but its not new.

#doctor who #the tenth doctor #david tennant #catherine tate #donna noble #rtd

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rodolfoparras · 6 months ago

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I agree, Sir Alec, the author sure has a way with writing. It's very immersive and keeps you wanting to flip page after page, seeking answers and the truth.

I think that was the author's intention. Even if we have to view it from Theo's plaintive standpoint, it gives us insight on two similar characters. Yes, Alicia and Theo are two different people but in a sense they are kindred souls; despite their varying backstories. It would be very different if it were from the perspective of another, that much I'm certain.

Indeed, Sir Alec. I can't wait to see where, or rather, how their relationships unravel throughout the book.

I'm glad to share them with you, Sir Alec. It's rather intriguing to hear your feedback, it's very engaging.

I present to you my notes for part 2:

It's come to my attention that Alicia started writing her 'nothing', as she calls it, on July 16th; the day of the murder was the 25th of August, a bit over a month it seems. I have a feeling that her entries will show how she had spiraled through that timespan.

There's a deep sense of foreboding in most of her entries. it's as if she was fighting an urge. One she refused to write or commit to reality. Similar to a premonition, I suppose.

I think Alicia was madly infatuated with Gabriel, in a way her love for him probably was suffocating her, so in a overflow of emotions, she killed him. That much I can piece together with how she views him as her savior in a way.

I am at a loss for words, but what was Kathy's motive? Why? Theo will never see the lilies she liked the same. Their smell would only bring up memories of them together, but does he still love her?

As I suspected, he does.

More and more of this mystery is starting to unfold.

I strongly dislike Max, he's a very bad person.

Most of the people involved in Alicia's past seem to have hidden intentions, while they didn't all utilize her for their own benefit. I have an inkling that they used her in some way.

Sir Alec, she smiled. A reaction at last.

For some time now, I've had the suspicion that Alicia's journal is yet to be found or perhaps it's been hidden.

Alicia has this...child-like wonder despite her not being innocent like one. It's very intriguing given her troubled background/childhood.

Just as things were progressing something had to intervene, but at least Alicia was the one who had possession of the journal. It seems she's grown to trust Theo, even if only a sliver.

I'm delighted to hear that you're doing better, Sir Alec. May it continue having days free of worries and overwhelming stress, I hope you've had the opportunity to indulge yourself in activities you find pleasant and alleviating.

-Гора (Also, I do apologize for taking so long. I hope you have a wonderful day/night.)

Ahh sugar bee I absolutely love hearing from you!! The way I read your asks brings sm comfort to me so thank you sm for popping in!

And I absolutely love how we share the same thoughts about Alicia sure she did love him a lot but that love might’ve drove her insane but for her to do such thing is very interesting not just because she loved her husband sm but bc she doesn’t seem capable of doing so? Like you said she has this childlike wonder that not only we have notice but a lot of ppl in her every day life have done so as well because like you’ve said they’ve all in one way or another taken advantage of that childlike innocence

Also lord I rmr how much max went on my nerves when I was reading it I wanted to punch him in the face because each and every thing he said was so obnoxious or downright cruel but as to not spoil too much I’m going to keep my mouth sealed

Also you know what’s interesting this obsession that lies both within Alicia and Theo because Alicia was obsessed with her husband while Theo becomes obsessed with Kathy and her actions and such and I think it’s another super interesting parallel genuinely can’t wait for you to get to the meat of the book bc it’ll get interesting 👀

#alec answers #🏔️ anon

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laundrybiscuits · 1 year ago

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thank you so much for putting young man on ao3!! i love the way you write about queerness esp in the 80s and i’m so glad i won’t miss any future updates of that <3

(Sorry, I just realized this has been in my drafts for ages! I initially started writing like one sentence in response and then I was like WAIT I HAVE RELATED THOUGHTS so there's a bit of a ramble under the cut.)

Thanks for the lovely message! Pretty much everything I write is about queerness in some way, but this particular fic is me being absolutely massively self-indulgent about it.

I do hope that, as self-indulgent as it is, the story doesn't come across too soapboxy or like I'm using characters as a mouthpiece. I mean, to some extent that's always going to be true; I draw a hell of a lot from my own experiences when I write, especially in this fandom.

But one of the main reasons I started writing young man is that there's often a bit of a trope with mentor figures that I struggle to relate to—I understand why it's so appealing from a personal & narrative standpoint to have a character who just, like, Has The Answers and can act as an emotional deus ex machina and/or interactive hint/exposition system. As someone who started taking on (and/or being voluntold into) leadership roles in queer orgs fairly young, though, I'm very interested in the real-life function of imperfect mentorship, especially in a pre-internet context.

Eddie clearly has a strong drive towards mentorship. I don't think he sees himself as a role model per se, but he certainly sees himself as a leader. It's not just a caretaking drive, he wants to help the younger kids grow and take on more responsibility, etc.

And to me, one of the most fascinating things about Eddie in canon is how he reacts to the self-image crisis he has with his perceived "cowardice." He gets almost no time to process it properly, and I refuse to accept "I didn't run this time" as a thematically adequate end to his arc, so I wanted to ask: how does he approach mentorship in the aftermath, when the stakes are so high and his self-confidence and/or bravado has recently taken a pretty serious hit? What does it mean to him? And what kind of support is he getting in turn?

Hopefully I can address some of those questions in the fic! If not, there's always more jokes.

#askbox #fic: young man what do you wanna be #lol sorry you asked about NONE of this but it's been on my mind

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kissatoru · 1 year ago

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𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐅𝐎𝐋𝐋𝐎𝐖

01. ABOUT MY BLOG & WHAT I POST

this is my writing sideblog (main: @junovie) so fics are the focus, but i also yap and shitpost about other things. i am also not a full-time paid author, just a hobbyist, and human, at that. if you follow me with the expectation that i will be frequently posting new “content” for you, you will be severely disappointed.

my blog is not free of spoilers or dark content. posts containing fandom spoilers and/or potentially disturbing or triggering content are tagged with ‘[fandom] spoilers’ and ‘#cw/tw [thing]’ respectively.

02. MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS

i write work that is not intended for, nor am i comfortable with it being read by, people under 18. i obviously can’t control who reads my writing, but all i ask is that you do not interact with me or my posts if you are a MINOR. if i catch you, i will block you. i do not take responsibility for any minors who disrespect these boundaries and ignore my warnings.

if you don’t have your age or an indicator of it somewhere on your blog, you will also be blocked. no age, no entry, simple as.

03. MY WRITING

i write exclusively x reader fanfiction for gender neutral and dominant readers. i also only write for characters who are already legal adults, have a canon timeskip or are at least 17+ and that i then age-up. if that’s something that bothers you then don’t follow me.

some of my work may contain disturbing or triggering themes, but these are tagged accordingly. my portrayals of certain behaviours, acts and relationships in my writing are not always realistic or healthy because they are fictional. my smut is self-indulgent while my dark content is an exploration of ideas/dynamics that interest me from a purely literary standpoint. it is not an attempt at glorifying it, nor is it a reflection of my real life beliefs.

if you struggle to/cannot separate fiction from reality, i do not recommend reading my work, or interacting with my blog at all for that matter. you are responsible for your own media consumption. i tag and include warnings in my works, but the choice to proceed is yours.

for more information about my writing (such as what fandoms, characters and themes i write about) see this post.

04. INTERACTIONS

below are guidelines on how i operate in terms of interaction and generally what is and isn’t welcome on my blog. these are my boundaries and by following me, you are agreeing to abide by and respect them. if you don’t, i will block you.

╰┈➤ GENERAL ( FAQS )

WHY AM I BLOCKED? — either you’re a minor, you didn’t have your age on your blog or you disrespected my boundaries in some way. i also sometimes block just for my own personal comfort.

CAN WE BE MUTUALS? — i’m picky about what blogs i follow and a bit awkward but i love meeting new people. let’s maybe chat first and see how it goes!

CAN I DM YOU? — mutuals are always welcome to dm me or ask for my discord but i prefer non-mutuals to interact with me through my inbox.

WHY HAVEN’T YOU ANSWERED MY ASK? — i’m probably busy or aren’t in the right mindset to answer. it could also be that i deleted it because it upset me/made me uncomfortable, but typically i will try to answer such asks anyway (if i believe they’re well-intentioned) so i can directly reaffirm my boundaries. it’s also possible that tumblr just ate it lol. feel free to send a follow-up ask if you want to make sure.

╰┈➤ WELCOME

NAMED/EMOJI ANONS — 🧸

APPROPRIATE THIRSTS — thirsts that adhere to my writing do’s and don’ts, which you can find here

FIC INTERACTION — such as asks with questions or thoughts about a fic you enjoyed, kind comments and reblogs with your reactions in the tags (even if it’s literally just a keyboard smash) these make me SO happy and are always SO appreciated, thank you!!! <3

GENERAL INTERACTION — my inbox is open if you just wanna chat or yap about faves and such too!

TONE INDICATORS — i’m autistic and struggle with tone over text, so indicators are much appreciated!

╰┈➤ UNWELCOME

HATE, BIGOTRY & DISCRIMINATION — results in an immediate block and report.

HARASSMENT & DISCOURSE — also an immediate block. i don’t care to indulge trolls or petty drama.

INAPPROPRIATE THIRSTS — thirsts that don’t adhere to my writing do’s and don’ts, which you can find here

RUDE/ENTITLED BEHAVIOUR — i’m just a person writing for fun, i don’t owe you anything nor will i tolerate anyone ruining it for me.

REQUESTS — i don’t take requests, but i recommend asking any of my talented mutuals who do!

ASKING FOR A PART 2 — you can ask if there will be a part 2, but again, i don’t take requests. whether i write one depends on the fic, my time, motivation etc.

SPAMMING, VENTING & ROLEPLAY — i’m just not comfortable with any of these.

CHARACTER AI — don’t send me c.ai links. i hate c.ai.

♡ thank you for reading my byf! now you’re all set to check out my masterlist ‹3 ── p.s. if you’d like to send a thirst, make sure to also read my writing info!

#( ★ ) navi.

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morgana-ren · 11 months ago

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I have sent you a truly embarrassing number of anon asks over the last two months and you have been so creative and kind in every one of your answers. I found your blog and it really means a lot to know that there are other people out there with a similarly f'd up relationship to sex. Makes me feel a bit less like a broken freak. You don't need to respond to this if you don't want to, I just wanted to let you know.

Honestly, I love it. That's the trouble with OCs is there isn't a fandom or like.. somewhere you can turn to when you want to indulge. The entire thing rests on people who know them and are interested in them. If I want to read about Reaver, I can (sorta, anyway, because his fandom is dead and all the stories are mostly long gone) but it's not my Reaver. Ilya and Corvus just have nothing but what me and my friend write. Astarion is currently being dissected by the fandom and it's vastly different than what I'm looking for (even as I love doing that too.)

What I'm saying is I love the questions. It's a lot of fun to think about them and these specific scenarios and I got really lucky that I have people who take an interest. I genuinely want to get to all of the questions at some point, and I'm running through them with love. I genuinely have a lot of fun answering them and I love seeing questions about them. I think it's really cool and fun that people care and enjoy them like we do! It's fantastic to see because sometimes a new hyperfixation or character is a fuckin' lifesaver and I will never turn down making new content when my head isn't working to make it originally.

I've known I was 'busted' since I was really young, and in a way, it's the healthiest thing about me. I've had time to break it down. I recognize where these desires come from, why I feel them, and where they're initially stemming from, and I know it is absolutely not something you put up with irl. I know that me liking people like this isn't some grand statement on me as a whole, but a fantasy that stems out from my experiences. I accept it. I don't feel bad about it or really feel a need to explain it. People can think it's gross or unhealthy or whatever else have you if it makes them feel better, but I am sure of myself and know it doesn't make me a bad person. It just is. It's never something we have to justify. Most people who grill you or are cruel to you have legitimately no idea what they're talking about. I've been a darkfic author for long enough to see the ridiculous fandom wars that arise over dumb shit like this where people sling shit baselessly despite knowing nothing.

I'm not saying that to be mean. I'm saying it because I have seen what people have to say about the matter and like, from a psychological standpoint, they are completely incorrect. I went to school for this. It was my dream career for a long time. Most people just say shit but don't actually understand the processes behind it. They operate on gut instinct and that gut instinct is immediately "Disgust" if they cannot relate. But instead of having compassion and trying to be supportive or trying to understand or just leaving us alone, they lash out because they are physically incapable of putting themselves in our shoes and feel they have 'morality' on their side, and that allows them to act like amoral twats towards other human beings, ironically enough.

It has a way of making us feel broken or bad or just not like a good person. When you're beset on all sides and you know your interests are strange or that something isn't quite healthy, it's easy to fall into that pit. But nothing is ever so simple, especially with the human brain and growing and learning and becoming a person. It hasn't bothered me in a long time and honestly, it is so, so freeing. I'm totally fine with it. I don't feel guilt or shame. It just is. Other people can think it's odd, but I've always been odd. No big shocker there.

Sex is complicated! It can have a remarkable impact on the brain! Humans are fragile while also being incredibly resilient. Sometimes things scar us, and that's okay. Sometimes we develop strange desires. Sometimes we end up with warped ideas. It's normal and okay, and really, there isn't any 100 percent sure fire healthy way to deal with things. For some, it's fantasy. For others, complete abstinence. Some people choose to never unpack it at all. The important thing is knowing your boundaries and the ways you should be treated in real life. Never letting someone hurt you or step on you or disrespect you. Your body and your desires are your own entirely and what others have to say means nothing. They will treat you with respect or you have all rights to completely cut them out and off.

Knowing the difference between fantasy and reality is the biggest thing, and it's a line I see people blurring or incapable of seeing every day and that is legitimately scary. It's important to look at things and understand yourself. Know that it's okay. You're just you, and that's not wrong or broken or disgusting. People have a very hard time understanding other people's perspectives and they really like to make that everyone else's problem. Don't let it get you down.

There's tons of us out there. It isn't nearly as uncommon as they'd have you believe. Hell, it's not even as unhealthy as they'd have you think. It's okay to be okay with it. It's okay to embrace it as long as you are putting boundaries up in your every day life and are good to yourself. That is what is truly important.

Thank you so much and I appreciate every single message you send. I haven't gotten a single inbox I've disliked or didn't find fascinating and they're always a pleasure to answer. Always feel free to send me anything!

#morgana and friends

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melodyofthevoid · 2 years ago

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Writing Wrap Up 2022

So... this year I want to take a bit of a different approach. The last 2 years I’ve wrapped up my writing by posting one from each month and thanking y’all for reading, which I thought about but then... it hit me.

I haven’t really posted anywhere near half of what I’ve written this year.

It’s a little insane to me, I’ve posted a shit ton these last 2 years, racked up an impressive word count for sure, but this year was. Different. For a few reasons.

So this is just going to be me contemplating and examining how my writing has changed this year, if you’ll indulge me.

Talking with a friend, the year itself stuck out to me. 2022. 3 years since I started writing at all. To keep the story brief, I wrote my first work on winter break back in 2019 at the behest of my bestie @/freshfruitforrottingvegetables (I’ve @’d them enough times crediting them for this) and posted it on ao3. I’ve pretty much been writing non-stop since. Invader Zim got me into writing, and the community I found there boosted me and gave me an absolutely incredible support system.

But, other than the occasional reblog, this isn’t really a Zim blog anymore. I certainly don’t write about it as much, if ever. Now there’s a few reasons for that, not the least of which being almost 3 years is the longest I’ve had a fixation in a while. I’m amazed it held on as long as it did. Second was... I finished the royalty au. It’s almost hard to remember the beginning of this year but back in March, I posted the last chapter of “Isn’t it A Trial”, wrapping up the project I’d spent nearly two years trying to complete. My first big project.

And it was done.

There were a few other behind the scenes things that led to distancing from IZ from a writing standpoint but those aren’t really the point of this.

For the first time since starting this journey, I was... on my own, so to speak. It was weird, scary at times even. Hell, I’m still very much adjusting to doing entirely OC work. The circle of people I’m posting to isn’t a huge thriving fandom, it’s just my mutuals, and those who’ve come to love the Ocean Idiots crew. I throw in some of my (and @/shmunter’s) ocs in as well, but that’s what I’ve been writing from y’all’s perspective.

As I said, that’s not even a fraction of the stuff I’ve written in my own time that I don't post. Before, I was writing for an audience on some level. They were always stories I wanted to tell, but there was also the excitement of putting them in a pool of collaboration and community. That there were others. Now, these are my stories almost (really key word of almost, I’m not claiming sole ownership of anything) entirely.

So I’ve had to adjust. I’m still adjusting. I’ve had a lot of days where writing had been a real uphill battle for me and I questioned the quality of my work. What does it mean now that I’m writing for a more narrow group? Is there a point to it? Am I less inspired now? How can I tell I’m growing or not? Can I tackle the scope of project I want to tackle next? Each time I think about it, it gets more and more daunting, overwhelming even.

That one post about “Aww did you scare yourself out of doing a project” plays often in my mind. Very often.

It’s going to be a weird year, even few years going forward. Graduation is on the horizon, with the prospect of maybe moving out and making it on my own from here on. I might move away, I might stay home. There’s a lot of unknowns and within that is what I’m going to do with my writing as well. It’s a part of me now without question, but what form will it take? Will I take?

Much to consider.

So for this moment, I’m choosing to focus on celebrating the changes that have happened, the work I’ve done this year. The ways I’ve improved, the small leaps into different original ideas that I’ve had. I’ve had a ton of fun with making aus for just myself and like- one other person. I had a blast writing for my old DND characters too! There’s a lot to be proud of, and that’s what matters.

I want to see what I can do, and I think sticking to some short stories while I shore up and figure out what to do with my bigger concepts might be where I go. Maybe not. Who knows. But at the end of the day, we’ll find out when we get there. Thank you, all of you, for your support, your comments, and your encouragement this year. It’s been a good one, for all its ups and downs.

#melody rambles #my writing #(in case you want to peruse my wares lmao)#ngl part of this was I didn't entirely feel like going through and finding a piece for each month #and I'm still going back and forth as to what I want to do with a lot of my original things that don't have a particular mold or fit anywher #I want people to read them yeah #but post is... a mixed bag #so we'll see #maybe I'll start a thing/blog for writing on a different platform so it's just all writing #who's to say #thank you for reading this btw #the support and questions have meant a lot #I'm very lucky to have what I have #and I'm grateful every day for it

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witchywithwhiskey · 4 months ago

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thank you for the tag Aspen!! i always have SUCH a hard time with this because all my fics are my babies and idk how to pick favorites, but i'll try 😤

Trucker King - trucker ari levinson x female reader - ok this one wasn't hard to decide. it's easily the fic i'm proudest of and love the most. also, the only reason i didn't pick my whole trucker au is because that's a combination of many fics and feels a bit like cheating, but it's my favorite au hands down.

all the apple cider and no more haunted houses - enemies to lovers bucky barnes x female reader - this was the very first halloween fic i ever wrote! and honestly, i'm just so so so proud of it. i feel like it perfectly captures the vibes of early fall/early halloween season, and the sex scene is one of my favorites.

halloween is the perfect time for tricks—and treats - friends to lovers steve rogers x female reader - god, i just love writing filthy perv steve, and i liked the idea of these two idiots both thinking the other is too pure for their filthy desires, and then the moments when they realize they're actually on the same level 👌🏻 from a writing standpoint, i feel like i indulged in so many of my own personal fantasies and it was just really fun to write.

property of j.b.barnes - ex-stepdad bucky barnes x female reader - this is another one where i just loved writing it because i included so many of my favorite tropes in here, many of which i hadn't written before, like sugar daddy and 'just the tip' risky sex. i also wrote this at a time when i was also dealing with some potential housing issues and it was just very comforting to write a reader who had someone who'd protect her and take care of her, no strings attached.

the alpha next door - alpha neighbor steve rogers x omega female reader - my first omegaverse fic!! god, i'm just really proud of this one, both because i tried my hand at something new and because i love the way the dual pov turned out. it was just so fun to write.

i also need to include a couple honorable mentions: safe and sound with bucky barnes because, even at my ripe old age of 34, i'm still scared of thunderstorms and this is just such a comforting, self-indulgent fic and i love it so much; and the last first kiss with bucky barnes because the part where bucky breaks through reader's locked door because he couldn't fathom why she'd lock him out is still one of my favorite bits i've written.

no pressure tags (and sorry if you've already been tagged!!): @nickfowlerrr, @thezombieprostitute, @bigtreefest, @krirebr, @targaryenvampireslayer

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love ❤

thank you for the tag, @flightlessangelwings 🥰💖

A Sunday Kind of Love (Poe Dameron x F!Reader)

Safe Haven (Marc Spector x Reader)

Sugar (Santiago Garcia x Reader)

Night Moves (Santiago Garcia x F!Reader) (and because it's a continuation of this fic: Good Neighbors Series)

Invisible String (Poe Dameron x Reader)

Honorable Mentions: Rich Girl (Driver!Jake/Rich Girl!Reader) & Softer (Joel Miller x F!Reader)

No Pressure Tags: @my-secret-shame-but-fanfiction @missdictatorme @whatthefishh @melodygatesauthor @ivystoryweaver @hon3yboy @runa-falls @romanarose @soft-girl-musings @softlyspector

aaaaaaaaand anyone else who wants to do this ❤️❤️ (pls tag me, i wanna see if i've read your faves!!)

#tag game

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xjoonchildx · 3 years ago

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close call | myg x reader

🎵 summary: burying your head in the sand won't change the fact that the man you love walks a thin line between life and death. and sometimes you can't outrun your worst fears.

🎵 pairing: reader x mafia!yoongi

🎵 rating: mature, 18+, a wee bit self-indulgent

🎵 genre: smut, mafia AU, guarded AU drabble though it can be read as a standalone story

🎵 warnings: smut with feelings (of course) angst, a lot of angst, super angsty you have been warned this is a veritable angst buffet

🎵 word count: 4.5K

🎵 notes: so, uh...long time no see? phew fam, these past 4-5 months have been really tough for me from a writing standpoint. i've probably written and deleted hundreds of thousands of words and just felt really out of touch with my writing voice. why am i telling you this? because therapy is expensive and because even though i struggled, i did manage to push through it and that makes me feel really hopeful about a light at the end of the tunnel where this writing block is concerned. i'd love to hear from you if you like this and thank you guys always for hanging with me 💕

i borrowed these people's beautiful eyeballs and brains on this fic and i owe them all a debt of gratitude: @hobi-gif @thatlongspringnight @illneverrecover @miscelunaaa thank you all for being rad people and writers.

You hear music the moment you step off the elevator.

The sound drifts down the long stretch of hallway before you, echoing off the walls and then diffusing into the soft carpet beneath your feet. It gets louder with each step you take towards the apartment, swelling higher as you near the heavy steel door.

The sound makes you frown.

It’s dark and melancholic. The cadence is sloppy and the notes bleed into one another like muddled watercolor paints. There is no real melody to speak of, no cohesive thought binding the chords together. They hang in the air overhead like a line of mismatched laundry.

It doesn’t sound anything like the beautiful music Yoongi makes when he sits down at his piano. The lovely, lilting melodies he pulls from the instrument after you’ve both slept in and made love on Sunday afternoons.

That observation alone is enough to give you pause about what awaits you on the other side of that steel door. Never mind that it’s three o’clock in the fucking morning.

You take a deep breath and slide your key into the lock.

Behind the heavy door, your apartment is shrouded in blackness.

In the dark, the couches and lamps and artwork are reduced to rudimentary shapes and outlines. You drop your bag and coat on the table in the foyer, peering into nothingness until your eyes slowly adjust.

Until the man you love finally takes shape.

Yoongi is hunched over his piano, dark hair falling into his face as one hand pounds carelessly away at the keys. The instrument produces a series of sounds so mournful they make goosebumps bloom up the line of your back. Slivers of moonlight slip between the gaps in the curtains, casting shadows across his silhouette.

You take a few cautious steps closer and the finer details start to come into focus.

The rocks glass gripped tight in his free hand. The papers strewn haphazardly across the piano’s lid. All around him the air seems unsettled, crackling with a dangerous energy that makes the hairs at the nape of your neck stand on end.

Then music comes to an abrupt stop.

“I waited up for you.”

He speaks without so much as a glance in your direction, the sound of his voice strangely foreign. There’s a hollow quality to it you haven’t heard before, some peculiar disconnect between the words and the man speaking them.

“I see that,” you say slowly, stepping closer. “Did you want the neighbors to wait up for me, too?”

Yoongi doesn’t laugh at your jab. Doesn’t do or say anything at all, just continues staring down at the keys.

Your heart starts to pound a bit faster.

You close the distance that remains and slide into the empty space beside him, close enough now to breathe him in. Close enough to make out the scent of his damp hair, the spice of the aftershave clinging to his skin. Close enough to smell the whiskey he exhales with every heavy breath.

“Sorry,” he mutters. “Guess I’m a little fucked up.”

Guess so. You could count the number of times you’ve seen Yoongi drunk on one hand and you’ve never seen him drunk like this. Like he’s trying to drink himself numb. Like he’s trying to drink himself to blackout.

“It’s okay,” you lie, as if anything about this scene you’ve walked into is okay. “Happens to the best of us sometimes.” You reach a hand out to brush the hair away from his eyes, breath catching in your throat when he turns to face you.

He looks like he’s been to hell and back tonight.

Eyes haunted and skin pallid but for the ruddy whiskey flush across his nose and cheeks. He holds your gaze for only a few heartbeats before looking away. Like he’s embarrassed to be in this state. Like he’s embarrassed for you to see him this way.

Worry immediately climbs up your throat and threatens to claw its way out of your mouth, but you take a deep breath and force it back down. You stroke your fingers across Yoongi’s brow, sweep them over the curve of his jaw. He leans into the touch and catches your hand with his, turning his face to press a soft kiss to your fingertips.

“Yoongi, did – did something happen to you tonight?”

Your stomach twists at the pained expression that comes over him, at the way his eyes fall shut like he’s trying to push away a terrible thought. His grip on your hand tightens and so does your chest.

“Yoongi?”

“Listen, Doc,” he breathes, “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”

That awful twisting in your stomach sharpens. If you hadn’t known something was wrong – horribly wrong – before this very moment, you certainly know it now. You watch with your heart in your throat as Yoongi sets his whiskey down to reach for the papers strewn across the top of the piano. He presses them into your hands and you stare down at them, afraid to look too closely at the fine print.

“Look at me,” he commands quietly, and you immediately snap your eyes up to meet his. “This is important. This is everything. My accounts, the investments. This apartment and two properties in Daegu. It’s all here.”

The room goes quiet as Yoongi gives you a moment to absorb his words. As the meaning in them slowly begins to crystallize inside your brain. He watches the realization wash over you with a troubling calm, completely composed as you begin to stare back at him in wide-eyed horror.

“If anything happens to me, you take this money and you get the hell out of Seoul,” he continues evenly, as though the two of you are discussing dinner plans or something equally as innocuous. “You buy a house on Jeju and you spend the rest of your life working on your tan. Do whatever you want with it. But it’s all yours.”

Now you think you might be sick.

“Tell me what is going on.” Your voice comes out brittle as spun sugar, barely audible over the heartbeat now pounding violently in your ears. “You can’t just come home and say – ”

“The first thing you do is go to Namjoon. He can walk you through everything. He has copies of –”

“Yoongi, please –”

“Hoseok has copies, too. Just as a backup,” he keeps talking like he can’t hear you at all, undeterred by your rising panic. “They can have cash to you that same day if you’re strapped. Plus the rentals in Daegu have –”

“Yoongi, listen to me – ”

“So it’s not like it’s a finite amount of money. There will be more coming in every –”

“Stop!” You’re shouting now, barely able to think around the noise in your head. “What – what the hell is wrong with you?”

You stare at him in utter disbelief at how easily these words seem to come to him. By how unaffected he seems to be while speaking your worst fears out loud. It has to be the whiskey that’s making him like this. It has to be the reason he can sit here and calmly lay out a blueprint for his death while you’re falling apart in slow-motion.

But he’s not calm anymore, is he? Not now. Not if the spark of anger that lights behind his eyes is any indication. Your outburst seems to have jarred Yoongi out of whatever bizarre state you found him in. Now the set of his jaw is hard. Now his dark eyes bore into yours, the intensity in them unnerving.

“Let’s just talk about this in the morning.” You swallow thickly and add,“You’re drunk and I’m exhausted and – ”

“We’re going to talk about this now,” Yoongi interrupts, in a tone so cold and flat it makes you shiver. “We’re done tiptoeing around the shit that makes us uncomfortable, Doc. We’re not doing that anymore.”

Tears sting at the corners of your eyes.

“I’m done letting you pretend that this situation is normal. Because it isn’t. You need to get it through your head that every single time I walk out that door there’s a good chance I might not come back.”

He could have slapped you and it would hurt less.

It doesn’t matter that he’s right – about the way you lie to yourself about the risks he’s taking. About the way you don’t allow your mind to dwell on what he’s doing when you wake up and he’s not there. It doesn’t matter that he’s right about the hundreds of ways you’ve come up with to avoid the uncomfortable truth. It still hurts like hell to hear him spell it out so plainly.

“This money – ” Yoongi pauses to drag a hand over his face, “ – This money is the one fucking thing I can do for you if I’m not here, Doc.”

You let your eyes fall to the papers in your hands, the fine print you’d barely been able to see just a few minutes before now painfully clear. Line after line after line of numbers – numbers so long you’re afraid to acknowledge where they begin and where they end. Numbers so long they seem ludicrous. You don’t even know where to begin wrapping your mind around this kind of wealth.

And it means nothing to you. Not without him.

Tears start to fall against your will. Angry tears you try to hide but Yoongi sees them anyway. He reaches for you, tipping your chin up with his fingers and swiping at your cheeks with one calloused thumb.

You sit there with watery eyes and a battered heart and watch as the change comes over him. As the fire in him dies out and the frustration slowly drains from his features. He strokes your face until the storm behind his eyes ebbs away completely, leaving only remorse. Regret.

“God, I’m sorry, Doc,” he breathes, leaning his forehead against yours. “I’m so, so sorry.” He presses kisses to the bridge of your nose, your wet lashes, your hair. “I’m such an asshole, God, I’m so sorry.”

You don’t say anything. Not until you’re sure you’re not crying anymore, not trembling anymore. You wait until you feel strong enough to use your voice without falling apart all over again and then pull away to look him in the eye.

“Why are you so angry, Yoongi?” You dab at your damp cheeks with one sleeve and straighten your spine, lift your chin. “Why are you so angry with me?”

Yoongi exhales deeply as he takes the papers out of your hands and wraps his arms around you. He pulls you in close, close enough to feel the way his heart is hammering inside his chest. Close enough to feel the way his throat works as he swallows over and over and over again before he speaks.

“I’m not angry, Doc,” he says after a while, voice thick with emotion. “I’m afraid.”

He’s passed out by the time you get out of the shower, face pressed deep into his pillow.

You dig in his drawer until you find his oldest, softest t-shirt – the one with the hole in the neck – and then you slip it on. You slide beneath the covers and press yourself to him; bury your face into his back. He doesn’t stir.

I’m afraid.

Yoongi’s words echo in your mind as you lie there in the dark praying for sleep to take you. You think about all of the horrible shit he’s confessed to you after a hard night, all the truly terrifying shit you’d only gotten wind of after a night of beers with one of the loose-lipped maknaes. Not once has Yoongi ever uttered those words to you.

Not once has he ever admitted to being afraid.

You lie there in the dark and try not to think about what that means. Try not to run down the list of terrible possibilities, one by one. You lie there for what feels like forever, certain that sleep will never come.

But eventually, it does.

You wake to the sound of the shower running.

A quick pass of your palm over the sheets beside you finds them still warm, so you slide over a bit – burrowing into that part of the bed that still smells like him. You lie there and listen to the water fall until you can finally summon the will to move.

Your hair is wild this morning on account of sleeping on it wet. It mocks you from the mirror as you brush your teeth, as you comb through it with your fingers, trying to tame the flyaway strands. Yoongi’s worn t-shirt skims the tops of your legs, the soft, tattered edges brushing against your thighs.

This is how he finds you when he opens the bathroom door – dressed in his ragged hand-me-downs, hair chaotic, a mouthful of fluoride foam. He stops to lean in the threshold and your eyes rake over the beads of water still clinging to his skin, the towel slung perilously low on his lean hips.

“Hey.”

Steam billows out from the open bathroom door and Yoongi shoves a hand into his wet hair, brushing back the curtain of dark strands that fall into his eyes. They tumble right back into place, disobedient. You spit and rinse.

“Hey yourself,” you reply slowly, unsure of where he’s landed this morning after all the emotion of last night. Probably a bit unsure of where you’ve landed, too. “How are you feeling?”

“Not as bad as I probably should,” he admits, rubbing at the back of his neck.

He steps closer and you force yourself not to look down, not to be distracted in any way by the dusting of hair that starts low on his abdomen and disappears beneath the terry cloth knot. You can feel the heat radiating off his skin, but fight the instinct to curl into it.

“I’m sorry about last night, Doc,” he says quietly. His eyes are clearer this morning, but the sadness still lingers. “I was way out of line.”

You shrug, toeing at a non-existent spot on the gleaming marble. “Yeah.”

“I shouldn’t have ambushed you like that,” he says. “I wasn’t thinking straight.”

“I know.”

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about this for a long time and – I think I just kind of lost my shit. I should have done better.”

He cups your face in his hand and tilts your chin up, compelling you to look him in the eye.You find his gaze turbulent – some strange mix of contrition, arousal. Fear.

“Last night – ” he stops to blow out a heavy breath, “ – Was a shitshow, Doc. Hoseok was two steps away from taking a slug straight to the head. Everyone was shooting. It was fucking chaos.”

Suddenly it feels as though you’ve swallowed a spoonful of sand.

“But he’s, okay? Right? He’s not – ”

“No, he’s not,” Yoongi breaks in, saving you from having to voice the rest of that thought out loud. He drags the rough pad of his thumb over your bottom lip. “He’s okay.”

“What about the others?”

“They’re okay, too.”

“What about you?”

Yoongi’s entire body tenses at that question. His hand drops away from your face and the muscles in his shoulders and arms stiffen as he takes a half-step back. He sucks in a breath so sharp you nearly hold your own in response.

“I’m not going to push you,” you explain, tucking a wayward strand of hair behind your ear. “If you’re not ready to talk about it, you’re not ready. But if you tell me you’re afraid, then I’m going to ask you why, Yoongi. You have to know that.”

Yoongi drags a hand down his face, the tips of his ears pinking as a flush branches across his chest, his neck. You can’t help but feel like you’ve embarrassed him and the guilt is instantaneous, sinking in your stomach like a stone.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper. “Really. We don’t have to do this right now. I can give you some space.”

You turn to make good on your promise, but you don’t get far. Yoongi catches your wrist with one hand, pulling you back to him with a firm grasp. “Don’t go,” he insists, dark eyes pleading.

“Then I won’t,” you promise. “Tell me what you need and I will do it, Yoongi. I swear it.”

He nods slowly, chest rising and falling with the series of steadying breaths he takes before he speaks.

“I went a really long time without anything to lose,” he starts. “It never mattered if I was out in the streets taking stupid risks every night because the only person who ever counted on me is me. Now all I can think about is you. What’s going to happen to you if I fuck up out there and get myself killed.”

“Then don’t get yourself killed.”

The words come out strained, despite your best attempt to make them sound lighthearted.

“It’s more than just that, Doc,” he persists, tongue slipping out to wet his lips. “Sometimes I worry that there will come a day when you wake up and decide this is too much for you. That it’s not what you signed up for.”

Your heart seizes painfully inside your chest. “No.” You shake your head vehemently, rejecting the notion with your entire body. “I won’t. I couldn’t.”

“The truth is that I can’t remember how I used to process all this bullshit before you. Now I think I have no idea how to do it without you. And that’s – ” He trails off, letting the thought hang in the air.

“Scary,” you murmur.

“Terrifying,” he corrects.

“Look at me, Yoongi,” you insist, stopping to swallow past the tightness in your throat. “I know what I signed up for. I know who you are. And I don’t want anyone or anything else. I’m not going anywhere.”

He takes you off balance with his kiss. It’s frantic, frenzied – tongue in your mouth, lips at your ear, teeth at your pulse point. You gasp when he crushes his towel-clad hips to yours, the swollen outline of his cock already growing against your belly.

“I love you so fucking much, Doc.”

Yoongi growls the words into your mouth, blunt fingertips digging into the rounded curves of your ass. You free your hands long enough to tug at the towel around his hips until it falls away, snaking your fingers between your bodies to seek him out. Yoongi hisses when you wrap your warm palm around his cock, grip tight as you stroke him from base to tip.

“I need you, Yoongi. Right now.” You whisper the admission against the corner of his mouth, one hand guiding his cock to the juncture of your thighs. He shudders when he realizes you’re bare beneath his old, thin t-shirt, as you slide the length of him against the slippery heat that’s already pooling between your legs.

“So fucking wet already,” he gasps, the muscles of his stomach straining when you rock against him, slicking him with the moisture between your thighs. He shoves impatiently at the hem of your t-shirt, swearing under his breath as he tears it over your head without a single care for its fragile state. Then he tongues at both your nipples, gets them messy and wet before taking one of them between his teeth.

You whine at the drag of his tongue, at the rough way he toys with it until the peak is stiff and throbbing in his mouth. His hips rock faster against yours, cock now gliding easily through your wetness. Your inner thighs are slick with it and when Yoongi takes your other nipple into his mouth you can feel yourself grow even wetter.

You dig your hands into his damp hair.

“Yoongi, oh god, yes – ” you gasp, when he adjusts the angle of his slide so that he’s stroking against your clit. He likes the praise, he always has – and he drives closer, harder, just to hear you gasp again.

“I gotta get inside of you,” he mutters, cock twitching when your hands find and squeeze the muscles of his lean ass. “Right now, before I come like this.”

You release him from the vice grip of your thighs and turn around for him, pressing your palms flat to the counter. In the mirror, you watch as he runs one appreciative hand down the slope of your back. His fingers linger on the curve of your ass for a moment before he slides them lower, slipping two fingers inside of you.

Your hips jolt at the friction and Yoongi swears under his breath again.

In front of you, Yoongi’s reflection looks serious, brows knit in concentration as he slowly fucks you with his fingers. A flush spreads across his chest and up his neck as he works you, one hand pressed into the small of your back while his other hand stays buried inside your cunt.

“Yoongi,” you beg, arching your back to push harder against the heel of his hand, “Please just fuck me already.”

He chuckles darkly, slipping his fingers out of you. Then the slick sounds begin. You watch him in the mirror as he strokes his cock, jerking roughly at the blunt head before he’s pressing it to your entrance.

Then he’s pushing forward, sinking that first thick inch and your body gives way with little resistance. You’re so wet he buries himself to the hilt with one fluid thrust.

“Oh, fuck,” he groans, pulling out all the way to the tip and burying himself again. “Shit, that’s so fucking good.”

He experiments with that same stroke a few times, reveling in the way your whimper each time he bottoms out. But he needs more, you need more, and after a while he abandons the slow, torturous pace and sets to fucking you with determination.

Your fingertips go as white as the bathroom counter.

He knows your body well by now, can bring you to the brink and back with just a few expert touches. The force of his thrusts makes you fold over and he uses the angle to his advantage, one hand gripping your ass tight as he fucks you and the other reaching for your clit. The combination of both touches has your legs shaking, the sound of his ragged panting sending a sharp spike of arousal directly to your core.

“Come for me,” he says from between clenched teeth. “You’re right there. I can feel it.”

He bends down to scrape his teeth against the back of your neck, his strokes becoming more erratic with each thrust. And you arch harder into the press of his fingers. Then you are coming, so damn hard your arms give out and you collapse against the counter, body pliant and weak.

Yoongi rides out his own release only a heartbeat later. Between his heavy breaths, you hear him say your name.

Your real name.

The human body is a remarkable thing.

It’s incredibly resilient; capable of withstanding terrible trauma. Designed to mend muscle, seal skin and fuse bone.

The scar that sits just below Yoongi’s clavicle is well-healed by now, barely visible at a distance. But you can feel it – what little evidence remains of both crisis and cure. You run a fingertip over the raised skin and marvel at the tiny dips and dents that live just above and just below the surface. Perfect in its imperfection.

Yoongi cracks one eye open to steal a look at you, quiet as he watches you absentmindedly map the faint line of his scar. The shower steam has evaporated now, leaving a chill lingering in the air. He draws the sheets draped around you both a bit tighter.

“This give you any trouble lately?” you ask.

“Nah. I noticed it a bit last week when it rained, but it hasn’t bothered me much since then.”

That’s another thing about the body. It forgives, but it doesn’t always forget. Pain can simmer just beneath the surface for a lifetime following an injury and some people even feel pain in limbs they no longer have. All it takes is the right trigger and all that hurt can feel fresh again.

Perhaps that’s true for more than just the body.

“You were right last night,” you admit, burying your face into the crook of his arm. “Sometimes it scares me so much to think about what you’re up against out there that it’s just easier to pretend it’s not real.”

Yoongi pulls you a bit tighter into his side, turns his head to press a kiss to the wild mass of your hair.

“Right or not, it was still a pretty fucked up way to go about talking to you about it,” he murmurs. “I don’t want you walking around every day waiting to get a call. That’s no way to live.”

Sometimes you don’t know how he does it. How he can leave this bubble of contentment the two of you have created together to go out there and walk a thin line between life and death. Sometimes you don’t know how he manages to keep one foot in that world and one foot in yours without fracturing in two.

The comfortable space you’ve settled into against him shifts as he takes a deep breath.

“You’re not going to fight me on this thing with the money, right?”

“No,” you sigh. “I’m not going to fight you about the money. I know why you did what you did.”

“Good.”

“But if I’d known you were sitting on that much money, we would have had that argument on a yacht instead of in this apartment.”

Your smart mouth earns you a pinch to the side and you yelp, pinned in place by Yoongi’s iron grip.

“That hurt.”

“It was supposed to hurt.”

Yoongi’s mouth curves into a lazy grin as you glare at him.

“Funny. Anyway if I were you, I’d be sleeping with one eye open, Min. I might off you myself and get a beach house and a pool boy.”

“I would haunt that motherfucker.”

The two of you share a laugh at that – a good one, the kind of laugh you feel from your scalp all the way to the tips of your toes. But after a while the laughter subsides. The humor slowly seeps out of Yoongi’s face. His dark eyes go serious.

“Hey,” he whispers, cupping your face in one hand. He looks down at you with such sincerity that your heart trips inside your chest. “I’m not going anywhere. You know that right?”

It’s not a lie. Not really. He means it when he says it, though both of you know it’s a promise he’s not in any position to make. But you’ll believe it, for him. For you, too.

You close your eyes and press your cheek to his chest; allow yourself to savor the feel of his solid warmth.

“Yes,” you breathe. “I know.”

hi i actually wrote something and i'm feeling very happy about this. thank you for reading i hope you find an extra $20 in your pocket 💕

#yoongi smut #yoongi x reader #yoongi mafia au #bts mafia au #network bangtan #ksmutclub #thebtswritersclub #bangtanarmynet

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ddarker-dreams · 2 years ago

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Hii! Over the mbti thingy: I remember seeing the original post and being kinda sad that I got childe hahaha (I’m Infp) {I didnt send hate btw! Like thats beneath me} I guess its bc in the fanfic sphere readers are there only for pure validation by charas they like, and thus tend to see the writer as a somewhat faulty tool to get said validation. Idk about you but I think that, despite my love for the cultural impact of fanfic, this aspect just seems like a major limitation for artistic expression. (And I think it kills artistic appreciation in readers as well) Idk I guess I just wanted to ramble a bit jdjdjs So what are your thoughts?

i’ve definitely given this some thought! especially when i get asks that are something along the lines of ‘i don’t think x would be yandere for me because i’m y” and i feel really bad,, because if it’s an insecurity they’ve mentioned, my reflex is to Reassure, but then i worry if it’d come off as me saying “no no you totally deserve to be in a toxic yandere relationship i promise” and well. 😦

it’s not that i don’t understand the wanting validation aspect! fanfic, reader-inserts especially, have a huge appeal from a self-indulgent standpoint. i love that and think it’s super fun to go around writing/drawing your favorite characters being madly in love with you. now that’s a good time. i don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong or right about using a writer’s work to find validation, it’s more something that’s up to what the writer does or doesn’t want to do. for me personally, since i predominantly write yandere, i always feel concerned about how to handle something that is as sensitive as those types of asks. i do see writers who seem comfortable navigating it and that’s cool too. it really just depends.

i’m sorry for somewhat veering off from the original point of your ask, i felt it was somewhat related though .

as for the limitation of artistic expression, this feels more like a universal issue in media these days with the high tendency toward easy to digest ‘content’. i can see how this might potentially impact the stories fanfic writers do/don’t write though. obviously we know that lots of romance/smut will get more interaction, but sometimes to build the story that we want to build, those things have to get put on the back-burner. i always feel bad whenever i finish reading a chapter of something and see the author apologizing for the main love interest not being around much in it & promising they’ll be back soon, when the story was solid enough to hold up without the love interest’s presence. i think i’ve actually done this myself actually ??

i wouldn’t say it’s the reader’s fault... if you’re reading a fanfic for romance, you want to see, well, romance. i can’t feel upset about that hgkjfld

ANYWAY it’s an interesting discussion to have. lots to unpack. 😌

#answered #Anonymous

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iamanartichoke · 4 years ago

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im still upset about frigga telling loki not to make illusions in TDW lol. like. what was he SUPPOSED to do?! over a pretty short period in his life (esp given his lifespan) he lost absolutely everything and now he trapped in a tiny cell alone. forever. with nothing to do. why shouldn't he lose himself in illusions to ease his pain a bit?

I have such mixed feelings about Frigga, and this is actually kinda a perfect example of how a fan interpretation can differ (or even be incorrect) from what’s really happening on-screen, but that doesn’t mean the way the fan interacts with it has to change.

In my case, I interpret and headcanon that Frigga and Loki’s bond is very strong and that Frigga only has his best interests at heart. I tend to write her that way as well, both when she appears in fic and when Loki is thinking about her. But, others have pointed out how Frigga’s treatment of Loki - while kinder than Odin’s - is just as manipulative and harmful, and the canon more or less supports that. I want to love Frigga and love her as a loving mom for Loki, but - well.

In this instance, I don’t know why she would tell him not to make illusions. I mean, I can see it from an objective standpoint - she says that too many illusions will cause him to lose his grasp on reality, and certainly Loki’s grasp on reality is tenuous to start with (insofar as his own breakdown/mind torture is concerned) and she doesn’t want it to slip further. She wants Loki grounded in the “here and now,” - and, okay, that’s fair.

But as you said, it begs the question of what, exactly, Loki should be doing instead. What good is being grounded or confronting reality if all he’s confronting is that he’s lost everything and has been imprisoned for life, with no one on the outside - save Frigga - who even cares. Loki’s reality is no picnic, and solitary confinement is mentally traumatizing; people lose their grasp on reality anyway, if they’re locked away for long enough.

If recognizing that there’s nothing in his life worth dealing with and indulging himself in rewriting his own story to where he is the hero - but, more importantly, that his people love him - helps him pass the time (and “doesn’t make [him] feel any worse”), then by all means, why shouldn’t he indulge?

That Frigga discourages him from doing this is a little side-eye-y, then, because - I don’t know, I would wager that she doesn’t want him to do this not because it’s harmful to him but, rather, because it makes her uncomfortable in some way. Maybe Loki playing out his own ideal story forces her to consider her role in how it all went wrong (lying by omission is lying, and she’s never stood up to Odin in defense of Loki that we’ve seen on-screen [although it’s implied she advocated for him to not be executed so, yknow, thanks for that]) and how much responsibility she holds for where Loki has ended up.

Another aspect to consider is that her definition of reality might differ from Loki’s, in that she continues to refer to Odin as Loki’s father and when he finally snaps and says Odin is not, she counters with, “Then am I not your mother?” There’s this kind of implication that wanting Loki to “not lose his grasp on what’s real” includes wanting - or needing - him to continue to grasp the narrative of his life and of his family (that is, that he’s a member of this family and his parents are still his parents). Loki’s refusal to do so causes her to keep coming up against a wall with him, where they won’t see eye-to-eye. She doesn’t accept that she’s the one who needs to shift her perspective of the situation if she wants to get anywhere with Loki.

I ... don’t know if I’m making sense. This could slip into a whole argument about how the core of Frigga discouraging Loki’s illusions while still insisting he’s their son is really about her wanting to control how Loki thinks and feels, and if that is what she wants, it says nothing too flattering about her as a mother. But I think that’s a topic that others can (and have) explored much more eloquently than I can, lmao.

Anyway I hope that this is a decent response and thank you for the ask!

#asks #charlotte replies #i started rambling i'm sorry #yeah frigga is kinda shitty #but am i still going to write and view her as loki's support system #full of sunshine and love?#yes #because i can #loki meta #iamnmbr3

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drowningbydegrees · 3 years ago

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Fanfic Tag Game

Thanks for the tag @lokibus! <3 <3 <3

How many works do you have on Ao3?

54. I've written quite a bit more, but I just can't be bothered to carry over most of the fics from my LJ days. Also, once upon a time I had a super insecure streak and I went on an orphaning spree, so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

What’s your total Ao3 word count?

Apparently 457,241! Kinda same as above.

What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Though I Try Not To (The Witcher)

I'm so weirdly pleased about this. I fell into Witcher fandom totally by accident. I don't usually do fixit fics, but I couldn't help myself. This is, I think, the only fic to date where I've started posting as a WIP and actually followed through and finished.

Where All Roads Lead (MCU)

If there is one plot device I'm just eternally a sucker for, it's time travel shenanigans. This was one of the two time travely fics I wrote for Stucky fandom.

For The Space of a Heartbeat (The Witcher)

I'm honestly really surprised by this? This was totally just a self indulgent spur of the moment kinda thing, and it's only a couple thousand words.

Even in the Dark I Know You (The Witcher)

Okay, I lied. There were two WIPs I actually followed through and finished. This started as a random oneshot for a whump week thing, and then the prompt for the next day fit so well with a follow up chapter that this just turned into a whole story. I really enjoy subverting tropes and with witcher biology I see a lot of sensory overload kinds of fics, so I decided to play with the idea in reverse.

Even if it Hurts (Even if it Makes Me Bleed) (The Witcher)

So, most of the time when I settle into a fandom, there's one fic idea that I feel like I cannot leave without writing. For Witcher fandom, this was that fic. I have a lot of complicated thoughts about soulmates as a romantic concept, even more so when you're involving characters like Geralt, for whom fate is so often a double edged sword. This story was very much an excuse to dig into what soulmates mean for personal agency under the guise of a narrative. XD

Do you respond to comments, why or why not?

Admittedly, I do this with embarrassing inconsistency. Basically, what happens is: * Something gets a good response. * I respond to a few comments and then find myself overwhelmed (mentally, not as in there are a truly overwhelming number of comments). * I step away for a bit. * A month later I realize I still haven't replied. Cue paralyzing indecision about whether it's too late to reply. * Rinse and repeat.

I do want to! And I'm working on it. I've gotten a little better about it, but my apologies to anyone who I haven't responded to. Please know I'm not intentionally ignoring you. ;_;

What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending?

Oh hmm. I had a reputation for a really long time as primarily an angst writer, but pretty much all my stories have a happy ending for some given quantity of happy. I guess it kind of depends on how one qualifies that.

Noonwraiths and Other Woodland Forest Creatures maybe. It's got a got a pretty fluffy ending.

What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending?

It's a tossup.

I, The Paradox, which is my other time travel fic from my Stucky fandom days, with a paradox (shocking) that lands Steve with two versions of Bucky. For plot purposes even! It's not a particularly smutty story. It ends sort of ambiguously. There's a sequel outlined that was meant to resolve said ambiguity, but alas, it's still sitting in my WIP folder.

Truth in the Periphery. It's a psychological horror story I wrote for an event. I think it's the only fanfic I've ever written that was really intended as a hurt/no comfort kind of story.

Do you write crossovers?

I haven't, but not because I specifically don't. I've just never had an idea that felt compelling enough to follow through on.

have you ever received hate on a fic?

Maaaaybe once or twice a long, long, long time ago, back when FFN was still the best option for posting outside of LiveJournal. I don't think it was even about the writing. I think it was someone was mad that my much younger self tried to sneak smut onto FFN.

Do you write smut? if so, what kind?

I have such a love/hate relationship with smut in my own work. I used to write it a lot because I felt like I had to. It was until I came to terms with being more or less ace irl that it occurred to me why I didn't enjoy writing it. Weirdly, I like reading it just fine.

The thing is, while I don't really care for the physical aspect of it, I like the emotional touchpoints of it, so I do still write smut sometimes. It just tends to be a little cursory in terms of action details and heavy on character dynamics.

Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No. But I used to RP a lot, and it's always been a lot of fun, so I wouldn't be opposed to the idea!

What’s your all-time favourite ship?

Oh shoot. From a romantic standpoint that varies so much depending on what fandom I'm currently feeling enthusiastic about. It's pretty much always a specific character that draws me to a fandom, so I think the most consistent ship I have is favorite character/unconditional love and support. XD

What’s a wip that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will?

The sequel to I, The Paradox I mentioned earlier.

What are your writing strengths?

If there's one thing I feel like I have a consistently good handle on, it's emotional impact. I put a lot of thought into why people make the choices they do and how they relate to each other, and I would like to think I'm reasonably adept at leading readers to the emotional response I'm going for.

What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions. I'm just forever in awe of people who can just write settings/action naturally. It's a constant effort for me, and it's the thing I always feel like I fall short on. I can write navel gazing in my sleep, but an action scene? Pfftttt.

What are your thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic?

Very situational. Kind of like in movies and television. I don't have any kind of always x or y opinion on it though.

What was the first fandom you wrote for?

Inuyasha. It was back when I didn't have a computer of my own and would write at the library, so the only record of it was the site I used to draft and post to that is now defunct. No one is happier about this than I am. 😂

What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

I think I'm genuinely pretty proud of everything I've written in the last couple of years, but if I had to pick right now, it'd be It Doesn't Break But it Bends. It's a time loop fic. Someone left "Recommended but you will sob." as their bookmark note for it and I think that might be my crowning achievement in fandom.

Tagging (if you want!): @mikkeneko @goodheavensgwen @writinglizards @plotdesigner And anyone else who wants to <3

#things I'm tagged in #my fic #about me

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