#It was very like. I'm too abrasive and argumentative so I have to be more pliant and agreeable

[pumpkinland]

I feel likr I have been trying to force myself to feel emotions for a few months because I realized I was dealing with my insecurity at how I express them and how other people feel about how I express them by going like "well I can't overwhelm other people if I just don't feel emotions at all" and so I was gradually just like stamping them out but it very much does make you feel dead inside and then even worse I realized it was making me boring because like I denied myself being allowed to talk about things I cared about bc other people didn't care about them so I just didn't have anything interesting to say anymore. Like I really just became very like "why do I even exist" bc I was trying not to feel anything so I wouldn't feel anything strongly enough to put other people off and trying not to care about the things I care about so I could care about things other people cared about instead and. I think I mentioned in the last few months not really knowing who I was anymore and feeling really disoriented about it because I've always been very sure of myself (or at least. Of who I am.) and in hindsight I think I was struggling to figure out who I am because I was trying to get rid of everything that makes me myself to make myself more palatable

[kiyo-cant-write]

leona kingscholar arguing w/ a male s/o ✧･ﾟ

.

I felt like we needed something on this blog with Leona <3

If you see typos, pretend they're not there. I'm writing this instead of letting the mental illness get me (because the admin's having depression atm!). How do I feel better? Ruin Leona's life xD

.

Summary: [Name] is the s/o of Leona Kingscholar, and what an interesting time that is. Leona is by no means perfect, but he loves [Name], truly. Sometimes, though... The two argue. And it can get heated.

TW/CW: Hurt/No Comfort, Angst

Notes: established relationship, he/him pronouns for the reader, the reader could be cis or trans, the reader is described to be tall/muscular and human with no specified class year, the reader is not explicitly Yuu/Prefect but could be

Guest Stars: Ruggie Bucchi (mentioned, discussed)

.

.

.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

Leona Kingscholar

Leona is not the ideal lover by any means. He needs time.

He is abrasive, rough, and opinionated. He is so stubborn that he will hold a grudge against his partner in a fight.

With a female/femme enby partner, this might be a bit less harsh, but Leona starts out seeing his male s/o as a rival in addition to a partner, sparking arguments early on.

[Name] has to keep up with Leona's moods and his anger.

Leona can be a very tiring partner to have at times.

However, there are advantages to being another man in Leona's life. Leona will not pull punches around his s/o.

He is direct with him and says what is on his mind, even mean things.

However, this can help as it puts things out in the open.

Leona tends to use his s/o like a body pillow (and feel less bad about it as due to their similar size, he isn't crushing them).

Buuut he also thinks that he can push around his male s/o more.

He tends to be rougher with them in every sense of the word.

He isn't even trying to be violent, Leona just doesn't think to control his strength around another guy, thinking he can handle it.

Leona grumbles constantly that his s/o is annoying but he doesn't mean it. He says a lot of things to his s/o that he doesn't mean.

He is still coping with his traditional upbringing as a royal.

Leona is learning how to treat his boyfriend.

[Name] has not yet met Leona's family because Leona refuses to introduce them to anyone. It was by chance that they met Cheka,

Leona doesn't know how his sister-in-law and Falena would react.

Cheka likes [Name] and considers him "Ojitan #2"!!

Leona says he is annoyed about it, maybe he is, but he's also somewhat warmed by the thought of them being close.

It's a little too mushy for him to accept at this point, though.

He never apologizes for his bitchyness with words.

For Leona, it's an act of service or a gift (albeit given a bit carelessly) that serves to be his apology to [Name].

"Ugh. Leona? Leona," [Name] tried before using more energy to increase his volume, "Le-o-na!"

He was out of breath from checking several of Leona's usual spots and not very happy about the current circumstances. And where was Leona meant to be? Class. Where was he now? Not class.

Leona's eyes opened when [Name] called out to him, looking up to see the human's tall frame towering over him from the angle. His eyes said it all, [Name] was annoyed. Great. Leona was about to get an earful from his boyfriend to top it all off.

"Huh? What do you want now, [Nickname]?"

Leona glared at the younger boy from his place amongst the foliage of the botanical garden. Honestly, he just wanted to sleep. He didn't want to be bothered with classes, [Name] be damned.

"Don't [Nickname] me right now. I was checking on you, "[Name] said, a certain level of irritation seeping through, "You have class this period, right?"

He groaned at the mention of class. It was a chore to go. He would much rather be in the garden or somewhere else, sleeping away from all the noise. But few let him enjoy it between Ruggie, [Name], and one time Jack.

"No, not going. Why don't you get back to your own class, huh?"

Honestly, Leona had a point. Or he would have if it hadn't been a teacher who sent [Name] on a Leona Hunt. Professor Trein was annoyed, and that wasn't good for any student. He had asked [Name] to step out of his class with Professor Crewel to find Leona.

[Name] thought to himself, at that moment, that it was a bit odd the teachers singled him out. Still, it made sense given the lack of a Vice Housewarden for Savanaclaw.

"Leona, you need to focus or you'll repeat another year."

[Name] was sure that Leona didn't want that either. Or did he? It was hard to say. Leona didn't like campus, he said it all the time, but he was also dreading his return to the palace... If he was being truthful, [Name] didn't know what Leona wanted anymore.

It was a bit stressful sometimes, sad at others.

"What are you? Ruggie?" Leona snapped, ears twitching in annoyance as he spoke, "Worry about yourself, [Name]."

Ruggie is a what? How dehumanizing...

But he ignored it. [Name] didn't have the time. Onto the next.

"No, but Ruggie did tell me about the risk of being held back," [Name] admitted awkwardly but with no less frustration than earlier, "Can you just go sleep in class? Your professors are asking me to get you now."

He wasn't even sure what he was arguing anymore. He didn't want to be his boyfriend's parent, but here he was, feeling that way. He knew Leona would just sleep wherever he was, so it wasn't like it was a big ask to send him to a classroom... Was it?

[Name] just wanted Leona to succeed. It was painful to see someone he had grown to love ruining his reputation amongst the faculty and students alike. It wore on [Name]'s mind as it continued.

"You don't get to tell me what to do," Leona said, voice rising slightly, tail flicking in annoyance he now failed to conceal.

"Then who will?" [Name] asked, "Our professors don't even want to deal with you so they sent me to do it!"

When Leona didn't say anything, [Name] took a step closer, testing his limits and ignoring the voice in his head telling him to just back off like he always did and leave it for another day. He didn't want to. he couldn't let Leona do this to himself anymore, not again. Maybe he would listen...

"Leona, I don't know what else to do other than chase after you," [Name] told him, "I want to help, I do... But I can't say anything else. Or do anything either. I'm doing all I can and it's not working."

Leona remained silent.

"What do I do now?" [Name] asked him, voice coming out with just a slight tremble to it as if he was at his breaking point and he was.

"Leave?" Leona said as if it was the obvious answer, "Just go."

"What?" [Name] managed to ask, "What did you... Leona?"

He couldn't believe what he was hearing.

"Leave, [Name]. I told you not to get involved with me," Leona told him in a drawl that dripped with indifference, exasperation even.

"Leona, you can't be serious—"

[Name] didn't get to finish his sentence.

"I am, don't test my patience."

[Name] wasn't sure if he was offended or not.

Leona wasn't listening at all. Did he hear any of this?

"Leona, I'm your partner, can't you listen to what I have to say?"

As Leona ignored him,[Name] felt a bit desperate.

How could he fix this? What would it take?

"I said," Leona's voice cut like a blade, "Leave. Now, [Last Name]."

"I..."

But a moment later, [Name] fell silent, fists clenched at his sides for a moment before the tension released. He exhaled. Like that, it was over.

"Fine. Be that way. I was just... trying to help."

Leona's brows furrowed as he looked away, not wanting to see the other man walk away from him. He shouldn't have said that. He should've kept quiet. Why couldn't he just keep his mouth shut? Now they were going to be all upset at him tomorrow. They'd scold him again, act like his mother, just about.

What happened next was somewhat Leona's own fault in the end. And there he was wallowing in self-pity, refusing to acknowledge the truth of the matter even as he felt the ramifications of his actions.

It was [Name]'s own fault, Leona would remind himself the next day when [Name] didn't meet him for lunch and Ruggie gave him the most bewildered look he had seen on the hyena's face in a while. He should have known not to get involved in Leona's business. Stupid.

It's his fault, Leona would repeat for the next couple of days, refusing to comment when Ruggie asked him again, "Where's [Name]?" Leona didn't care, or he wished he didn't. Those thoughts pounding in his skull didn't mean anything. Not a bit.

He was lying to himself. He missed [Name]. Leona wanted to be able to listen to him talk about things, ask him for little favors, and keep him close. Leona wanted to feel the closeness that they had had...

But he wasn't ready to be wrong.

Would he ever be ready to see past his own ego?

.

Imagine the rest for yourself~

.

.

✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ:

Thank you for reading! Likes and reblogs are appreciated! Do NOT repost my writing/headcanons as your own >:c Check the top of my blog for the inbox status and read the rules before requesting. This is not a twst-only blog! ^^

[gem-de-lune]

seunghan true personality?

I'm answering this in 2 ways so we can get a good scope of things from different angles.

Tarot!

For the tarot portion, i pulled from the Book of Shadows Tarot Vol. 2. I will be sharing pics bc the meanings of the cards are a bit diff than normal.

Starting out, I pulled 3 cards when I asked this question in the indicated order:

2 of swords

3 of swords

Knight of wands

This is a person who is very intelligent. Too intelligent thatsits's more like a curse of being too self aware. Far too prone to depression. They are introverted as in they practice introverted thinking- OR rather they try not to be alone because when they are alone they are overwhelmed and burdened by their own thoughts and feelings. They have a lot of emotions and will intellectualize them, but it overwhelms them. They try to be rational but their emotions are a bit too steamy, a bit too difficult to reign in if they allow themself to go that route. So a lot of times they may either express their emotions through an art form or writing it down- OR more frequently turn to look at others to make these difficult choices in order to understand whether or not he is doing something wrong.

There is a lot of self hatred here, and a lack of self worth. But a lot of motivation that stems from looking out for and caring about others. In other words, Seunghan seems to gain strength from others, and he can't be alone or he self destructs. His strengths lie in diplomacy and always being able to see things matter of factly. He doesn't fight often, he doesn't argue based on feelings of his own. However this type of person is easy to manipulate because you just need to make them feel guilty about others whilst also give a convincing rational argument. Even if there are reasons why you are wrong, he will listen if it causes him enough stress. He will shut down and just agree to let it be over. Because he is kind and wants people to be happy, and does not want to be the cause of conflicts at all.

That being said- with the Knight of Wands, this is someone who again- doesn't like being alone. This can translate to a person who if he could, would like to have a romantic partner. He wants someone to put his everything into so he doesn't have to deal with himself. It gives him a sense of belonging and self worth to do so.

Now let's talk Astrology!

Seunghan is a Libra Sun, Virgo Mercury, and he could be a Sagittarius or Capricorn Moon, but we cannot be sure since we do not know his time of birth and he's legit right on a teenie tiny cusp.

But for the sake of this reading lets say he's a Sagittarius moon.

These placements make for a very charming and charismatic person. The way he speaks is very mecurial. Anxious nervous energy but very smart and organized. He may enjoy writing or organizing his thoughts.

As a Libra, these people classically tend to avoid confrontation. They just don't see the point in it, they prefer not to deal with it. But I would say if they do have to deal with it, it is always abrasive and messy because they have no experience in dealing with it lol.

Especially if we assume he is a sag moon. That would make him very hot headed at heart, but he probably reigns it in by not engaging or letting things out through another form of expression.

That leads me into Mars in Pisces. He is extremely artistic and very passionate. Very romantic, very empathetic. If he expresses things in any way, it's through arts and particularly dance because of the fire energy here needing to be let out somehow.

He also has Libra venus. With a lot of Libra energy you have that intellectual curse and lack of self worth. Libras hate to be alone. They find their worth in others, they find their indentities through others. When Libras cannot do that, they become bitter people and completely become unrecognizable.

Final Thoughts:

Seunghan is a sweet guy. He has a lot of selflessness and a lot of heart. He needs to care for himself more, and he needs to learn his worth more. He could also work on having conversations about what his personal thoughts are, but he is scared of coming off abrasive. He is intelligent and fair. He is an honest person to a fault and too easily manipulated when it involves emotions because he cares more about others than himself.

Hope this was insightful!

RIIZE IS 7!!

[sparrowrye]

Demi Demon || Alastor x Reader, A3 part 5

Synopsis: Alastor disappeared for 8 years, leaving you confused, crushed, and angry. You spent those years building up your new self and protecting the haven from dangers left and right. What will happen when he returns to the new changes? Will he return anytime soon? Could you even go back to the way things were?

Previous part

Part 5: trouble in paradise

WARNING! You should make sure you're in the right mental headspace to deal with a challenging chapter like this (several mentions of suicide). Also, it's very long.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I am not having this conversation with you." I whisked around and headed for the front door, making sure my tail whipped against his leg as I did. He caught the end and yanked me back. I spun on my heels, teeth bared in a snarl, and eyes dark with anger. "How dare--"

"We are having this conversation." He took a step to meet me halfway, causing me to nearly run into his chest. He slammed his cane on the wood floor and brought his face close to mine. "Your behavior has been abrasive, rude, and unacceptable."

"My behavior? My behavior?" I slammed a hand on my own chest. "How about yours? You've been short with me and the children, you and Reagan can't seem to be adults and be in the same room for more than five minutes without tearing each other's throats out, you snap at Husker left and right, and you keep trying to tell me what to do."

He straightened up so he was looking down his nose at me. His smile was quirked up in a black gummy snarl. "The children are misbehaved, I refrain from speaking to Reagan but she insists on eliciting an argument, I'm treating Husker as I always have, and I am in no way telling you to do anything." His staticky voice was sharper than usual and he attempted to break through my shield with his mind. It edged on my anger as I reinforced the shield.

"That's right, you're not telling what to do." I jerked back my tail from his grip. "You're telling me what not to do. I've been on my own for eight years. Even longer than that before you came into my life. I don't need your protection or your help."

His ears bent back as his smile strained to stay up. My snarl fell from guilt.

"We have magic. You have far more advanced magic. If I'm in danger you can easily come and be the great savior. For now, leave me alone to hunt this bastard's factory down. I need to clear my head. Reagan and Lucas will take care of Nym and Thatcher." I turned back to the door, being extra careful to keep my tail close to my heels, and closed it behind me.

I morphed into my Dragon form and took to the skies. The wind whipped past my face and the clouds were a soothing dousing to my hot anger. I flew from cloud to cloud, keeping well out of sight until my wings grew tired from the exertion.

Incorporating Alastor back into my life, into everyone else's lives, didn't go as smoothly as I had planned.

The first biggest issue was the children. He didn't care for Nym and Thatcher in the slightest. He was actively annoyed by their mere presence and they knew it, too. It made them more avoidant of the house itself and more clingy to me when they were inside. They were either at my side or in their room -- never did they spend time with each other in the common spaces of the household. I felt guilty for letting that happen.

Reagan wasn't helping either. She and Alastor were always arguing whenever they were left alone together. Sometimes they even argued about me when I was present in the room. Reagan was protective of me, a trait I found admirable, but it was causing more problems than solutions. Alastor being Alastor, he didn't let any snide remarks or comments slide. I felt guilty for letting Reagan know more about the complicated relationship. I should've kept her oblivious for as long as possible.

Husker was also being avoidant. He didn't frequent the old house like he used to and any time Alastor stepped in the room he fell silent and stood on the opposite side of the room as me. It didn't take long to realize Alastor was upset that Husker and I were close--closer than Alastor and I. Guilt gnawed at my chest for not defending my friend.

The others, from Charlie to Vivian, to Althea, to Vilcin, and to everyone in between, were constantly asking me how I was holding up with Alastor. Reagan's words echoed in my head about how she and Husker had to deal with my affects of Alastor's disappearance. So I put on a smile and told them we were working on it.

Althea had caught me on the streets and tried to dig deeper, claiming that the thread between me and Alastor was very transparent. I kept up the act and told her we were taking small steps to make it stronger. She didn't believe me--I could tell by the way she looked at me--but there was nothing she could do about it.

I touched down in a random forest and melted into the shadows. I skidded across the unoccupied plots of land until I came to a town. I picked a random shadow and stayed hidden in it, listening and watching all around me. How much more simpler were these people's lives? My own life felt so vastly unique that it actually felt tragic.

I jumped from shadow to shadow, from town to town, for hours on end. No amount of hunting could reveal any kind of information. Though I wasn't really searching for anything. I knew Vox's trackers would lead us right to the factory but I needed something to do. My responsibilities in the haven had vanished--likely from Charlie's input--on the account of giving me more time to spend with my family. If only they knew that it would better help me if I had something to occupy my hands and mind.

So I stayed off the haven's grounds from dawn to dusk, and further on. I was procrastinating my next interaction with Alastor. I knew he wouldn't severely hurt me but the memories from when we first met had begun to resurface. Alastor always had a screw loose so what would happen if he was pushed to the very edge? I was likely going to be the one on the receiving end of it.

I manifested in an alley of a small town and sat down. I was exhausted; physically and mentally. I leaned my head against the cold brick and listened with my Demon ears, no magic, to the sounds of the quiet little town.

I could hear mumbled conversations from family's and couples, could hear the static of radios and televisions, could hear the rustle of a cat looking for dinner in a nearby street, and could hear my own labored breathing.

I was feeling panic. Why was I panicking? Why was I sweating so much? I hadn't used a lot of magic today or even recently. Why was my chest so tight?

My fingers gripped the stone beneath me. I scraped my foot claws so they drew little white lines in the pavement. My heart was thundering in my ears and adrenaline was confusing through my body for no apparent reason.

I leaned to the side on my forearms as it became difficult to breathe. My throat was so tight and my hands felt cold. There was no magic around me. I couldn't feel anyone. I couldn't hear or see anyone either, meaning any of Blackwater's legacy weren't nearby.

So what was wrong?

My breathing came in wheezes. I gripped my maroon jacket as I my vision darkened. My claws were scrapping against the pavement. I needed to breathe. My magic wasn't working. Why wasn't it working? I couldn't sit still. I just needed to breathe.

"What's wrong with you?"

My head snapped up at Vox's familiar voice. My lips pulled back in a snarl as I scrambled to my feet and attempted to collect myself.

"What do you want?" I demanded.

"You seemed like you were struggling so I came to check."

"How sweet," I mused sarcastically. I was so out of breath.

He gave me an unamused look. "Trouble in paradise?"

"That's none of your concern."

"Oh sure it is," he held his hands behind his back, "When my lovely guardian is shriveling on the cold ground in my territory, it becomes my concern."

Shit. I hadn't realized I was on Vee territory. I hadn't paid attention to any of the trademarks of their land.

"Don't you have a ring fight to broadcast?" I snapped. I was so hot. My magic was struggling to cool me down. Why couldn't I control my magic? Was Vox in on this? Was he causing this?

"My champion doesn't fight on weekdays." He casually pulled out his phone and started scrolling on something. Vox had concocted a strange mix of willing and unwilling fighters for a massive ring fight. He broadcasted these fights nearly every evening. They didn't always end in death but that didn't make it any less. It made me grateful that part of our deal included that I would not defend his stations if there was an active ring fight. It kept my name from being tarnished.

I hate politics.

I put my hands in my pockets and left the small alley. I tried to get Alcine to wrap around my legs to teleport me but she wasn't willing. Her large hat stayed within my peripheral as I tried several times over to melt into the shadows. Something was very wrong.

Vox's loud, metal boots tapped the ground as he came running up to me. I turned right as he reached for my face. Blue claws zapped with blue electricity. It ran through my body and left me frozen in place in the new location. My hair was sticking up and my tense body was ready to kill someone.

As soon as Vox's flat face came into view, I struck. My black claws wrapped around his throat and the other gripped the corner of his screen to keep his head from moving. I wrapped my tail around his torso and stepped my massive foot claws on top of his feet.

"I made it very clear that you were to never do that again," I hissed, spit falling on his screen in tiny drops. My voice had dropped and my eyes blackened. My own vision had a coat of dark purple across it.

"F-figured you could...use some personal space." Vox choked against my tight hand. I examined the room. It looked like a simple lounge room. The bright pink and various other colors told me we were in one of Valentino's studios. My magic reached out to feel we were down in Hell.

Vox stifled a cough. I shoved him away so his back hit the wall. "Why is everyone attempting to protect me? I'm the one who protected the Haven for eight years straight. I'm the one who killed Blackwater. I'm the one who you asked to protect your surface stations. I don't need help or protection!"

Vox rubbed a hand on his neck. "It's out of care," he shot back, "You've done a lot for everyone and we just want to return the favor."

"You can return the favor by staying out of my way and leaving everything to me. I can handle it." My tail whipped furiously behind me as I stepped in a circle. My foot claws tapped the tile loudly.

Vox fixed his suite. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're hella good protecting everyone but shit when it comes to yourself."

"What is that supposed to mean?" My eyes narrowed and I grew very still.

"This isn't the first time you're having mental problems. You almost didn't come back after killing Striker and Blackwater."

"How do you know that information?" I took several steps towards him.

"I have my sources." For the first time, he wasn't smug about it. Was he actually trying to be kind and helpful?

"You're an awfully nosy person." I was gradually reigning my magic in. I knew how to pick at the smallest bit of magic, thanks to Adam and Blackwater, but doing it while awake and conversing with another Demon was a different story.

"It helps me stay connected with everything that's happening. Hence why I gave you a phone but don't listen in. You need to stay just as connected as me." He reached his magic out to touch mine. I magically flinched away. There were few times in our interactions that we had had genuine conversations. This felt like one of them.

"You seem interested in helping me more now that Alastor is back." I put my hands in my pockets and pulled my shoulders back.

He gave me a funny look. "I've been trying to help for the past eight years. Are you telling me you haven't noticed? I'm the one who approached you about our deal."

"I know you've done nothing but flirt with me and try to convince me to leave Alastor."

"Now that he's back, I know you won't leave him. Well, I know he won't let you leave." He flicked his hand dismissively, eyes averted to the side.

Something about the way Vox said that itched the wrong part in my brain.

"You realize I have as much a say as he does."

Vox's sly look returned. That's the Vox I knew how to handle. "Do you? You're not even a hundred years old. He's got centuries on you."

"And centuries are supposed to mean he's in charge of my every step and word?"

"You're his soulmate. And he's--well--he's Alastor. He's not one to just let things happen."

"Are you trying to stroke my ego or degrade it? I've gotten both from you in the span of five minutes." I faked a look at a nonexistent watch on my wrist.

"I'm trying to talk you down from whatever panic attack you were having in the alley. And it looks like I did exactly that."

I took stock and realized he was right. My magic was back in my grip, my hands weren't as sweaty, my heart was at a normal rate, and my head felt clear. So that had been a panic attack? I didn't get panic attacks. I had meltdowns when things were too much but I never had a panic attack before. This wasn't good.

"I appreciate the help," I said, suddenly very sullen and not at all representing my Dragon Demon persona, "but I need to return home now."

"I'll be here if you ever need someone to grab a cup of coffee with." His tone was just as sullen as mine as he walked to the door. I melted with Alcine and found a small, empty alley in Pentagram City. Before I could convince myself otherwise, I teleported back up to the surface.

It was a new moon which made everything look pitch black. I could hear the splash of the waves at the base of the cliff and the whistling of the wind. I reached my magic out to feel Reagan, Lucas, Nym, Thatcher, and Alastor all safe in the house. I checked in on the young pair, the horrid nightmare of Adam standing over them resurfacing, before going to my bedroom.

Alastor was in his office so I quickly changed into soft night clothes and glanced at the old timey clock on the mantle. Why was he in his office at this hour? What was he doing? Was he avoiding me as much as I was avoiding him?

I casted the small fire out and climbed into bed. Alastor walked in a few minutes later. My ears strained to listen to his soft movements until he was lying in bed next to me. I ignoring the guilty pit forming in my stomach and put myself to sleep.

Had I known what would happen, I wouldn't have gone to sleep that night.

****

I let out a sigh and hung up the towel. I looked at my red eyes and saw another bright pair behind me. I screamed and spun a cast back at him, slipping on the tile as I did. The back of my knees hit the rim of the tub and I fell backwards in it. I scrmabled back with my hand outstretched. The faucet dug into my spine. He practically glided into the small room.

"Don't come closer!" I yelled. "My accuracy gets better every time."

"Your Slight magic stands no chance against me," he mused, "but I appreciate the confidence."

"The fuck do you want?" I demanded again.

"Should it surprise you that I want to meet my soulmate?" He tilted his head to the side.

"If you kill me you also die," I reminded him.

He chuckled. "I know how the magic of soulmates work, my dear." He stepped close and held out a hand to me. "If I wanted you dead, I would have done so already." The deepening of his tone didn't make me want to accept his gesture any more than already.

------

I landed hard on my back and felt a crack run through my spine. I sucked in a gasp of air and stared up at the gray sky. I gripped at the wet grass and tried to pull my strength back in. Alastor appeared above me a moment later, smiling down at my paralyzed body. He knelt beside my head so his ugly yellow smile came closer to my face.

"This suites you," he said, "this desperation. You're trying so hard to escape no matter what it does or if it kills you." He pushed a strand of hair out of my eyes. "Unfortunately for you, it matters to me because we share the same fate."

"Fuck you."

His smile lessened slightly. "I'll add another rule for you to follow." He grabbed my throat and hoisted me to my feet. His claws dug painfully into my skin until I could feel my blood soaking my shirt. He pushed me against a tree and leaned in close to my face. I pulled on his wrist and tried not to cough in his face. "Rule number five. Never speak to me in such a way again." He paused. "Words like that are unbefitting for a woman."

"You can..." I struggled to speak clearly, "you can...keep me here but...but I'm...but I will not play...play by your rules." My heart was racing as his grip tightened even more so. He dies if you die. He dies if you die. I repeated in my head.

He let go of me and I fell face first into the ground. I gasped and coughed up spit as I rubbed my throat. "Give it time." I saw his feet walk around to stand in front of me. "I can be very persuasive."

------

"I know what you're trying to do," I jutted a finger at him. I leaned against the wall to get off my injured foot. "You did this to me on purpose. You're trying to make me grateful for you."

"So what if I am?" He put his hands up like sharp ugly flowers. "After all, you should be grateful. You could carry on with a life in the rings or spend it in a distant safe house with nothing to worry about ever again."

"It's a cage."

"To you, my dear, everything is a cage." He walked over and put his hand out to me.

"What?" I looked between his red eyes and his dark claws.

"Are you ready to return home now?"

I almost wished he had just teleported me back without asking. I didn't want to touch him let alone take his hand. Who knew if he had conjured up some kind of magic deal that solidified when I grabbed his hand?

And yet, when I looked around at the quiet, dangerous town, I knew there wasn't another option. He would keep looking for me and a Full mage with his power could most certainly find me with ease. I didn't want to go back in that cellar. All because I had the worst luck in the world and had him as a soulmate.

I looked down at my feet and took his hand.

------

"What is it, doll? What's happening?"

"He's...the man...he's wearing a white suite...exactly the color of his hair...and he's yelling with her. They're fighting. There's yelling. He hits her. She's arguing back but not fighting. Why won't she fight?"

"Stay with me dear." She touched my lap. I tried to lower my tense shoulders but it was hard.

"He picked me up and...he closed the door on her. She's screaming. Why is she screaming? Why is he taking me away from her? I can't...I can't reach her. I don't...where is he taking me? I don't want to leave her."

"Enough sweetheart, come back. Come out of the memory." She touched my shoulder this time. "Come back to my store. Come back to this world. It's all just a memory."

"I can't stop crying. Why...is that my mother?"

"Sweetheart, you need to come back. You're going in too deep. Stop the emotions."

"But...I want to see her."

"We'll look next time. We can come back next time but you need to take a break. Come out of the memory. Come back to the store. Blink twice and look up."

I stared at the figure reaching out to me through the bars. I was so close. I just wanted to touch her hand one more time. But it was just a memory. She wasn't really there. She might not even be alive at all.

------

"You need to accept the fact that you will never leave this place for the rest of your life," he said with radio static behind his voice. He let me down so my feet were flat on the ground but so he could tower over me. I put one hand on his wrist and the other arm across his chest to keep him away.

"I'm growing tired of your antics. These little outbursts of yours will stop today." It was more terrifying that he was smiling through his anger. I leaned away despite the sheer drop beneath me and he followed, never more than an inch away. "If you don't want me to treat you like a caged pet, I suggest you apologize and quit it with this delusion of yours."

His smile was wide and his breath smelled like roadkill. He dug his claws further into the wound he created, making me wince. "I'm-I'm sorry." He held me over the edge for several heartbeats. Eventually he pulled me away but didn't let get off my neck.

"I never want to hear you mention anything about leaving here, again. To me or to Husker. Do you understand?"

I wanted to cough from the way he was holding me but I held it in. The tentacles were still pulling onto my wings and pulling them painfully down. My resignation made my shoulders fall. "Perfectly."

He let go. I turned to the side to cough, clutching at my bleeding neck. I felt the wounds closing but the blood was still plastered to my skin.

"Good talk." His cane appeared in one hand and he put the other behind his back. His voice sounded chipper again. "Come, dear, let's clean you up." He held his hand out towards the house, looking at me sideways. I took a deep breath and walked past. He walked close behind me.

------

"Sweetheart it's a memory. It's not actually happening," Rosie said.

I cried as the memory continued. I bit down on the man's hand but he just pulled my hands further away from my face. I tried curling in on myself but it did nothing. His other hand moved roughly over my skin as I screamed into the gag.

I felt Alastor's presence come from behind me. I squeezed my eyes shut and dipped into my mindscape. "Alastor!" I yelled as the memory dragged me back through my shields. I felt his presence wrap around my head and saw nothing but red. It felt like a string was being pulled out of my ear as he pushed me into the safety of my shields.

"You're safe. Come out of your head," he instructed.

I closed my eyes, pushing away the forbidden memory, and opened my eyes to the library. All three of them were surrounding me, staring down with panic-stricken faces. Alastor opened his eyes and took his hand from my forehead. His eyebrows were the only thing that told me he was upset.

Husker pulled me up to a sitting position as Rosie practically shoved a glass of water down my throat. I took several moments to catch my breath, the two of them trying to help calm me. I stared at the carpet and tried to think of anything other than that horrid memory. I didn't know I even had that memory.

"You're back, and you're safe," Husker said, holding out his paw. I took it and let him help me into a chair. I leaned back into the seat and looked around at the dark library. I was back in the house. I was safe. Relatively.

------

"Do you feel that?" Alastor stood, my hand still firmly trapped on his and pulling me to my feet. He smiled wide and tapped his fingers on his cane. It felt like a flow of magic was cycling between us. It was the same feeling as when a strong gust of wind blows in my face. It felt good.

"Did I do it? Did I unravel it?" I asked. Husker and Niffty were well awake and watching intently.

"Oh you most certainly did. The curse is gone and your true power shines through." His smile widened and looked janky, truly devilish. His eyes had a look of insanity to them. "It will only grow and grow with time. I will be there every step of the way to guide and harbor this power of yours."

I suddenly wanted to be twenty yards from him. I tried to let go but his grip only tightened. His shadow loomed behind him with a large smile and my own shadow turned into a dragon again.

"Our magic combined is like nothing I've seen before." He jerked my hand back so I stumbled into him. My head had to tilt way back just to keep eye contact. "Together, with our combined power, we will be untouchable." His hair had hardened into spikes and his antlers grew overhead. His eyes darkened and his smile reached well past them. Were those stitches on the corners of his mouth?

His claws weren't touching my skin but his grip was crushing my hand. I could feel pins and needles poking through my finger and it went straight up to my shoulder.

"You're...you're hurting me," I whimpered.

------

"Alastor...I..." It was getting harder to breathe. "I didn't...he took me. I...I didn't leave—" pain cut off my words. I squeezed my eyes shut as it rocked through my spine and into head.

"I'm aware." He pressed his claws around my temples and I felt the pain dull. He slipped his arms under my shoulders and legs, lifting me up effortlessly. "Take a look, my dear."

I opened my eyes to see the alley littered with dead and deformed bodies. There had to be at least thirty dead Demons.

"That was all you."

My shoulders fell with my spirit. I had killed all of them. I had even eaten some of them. Their sweet blood still lingered on my tongue and I found myself wishing for more. I could see their scared faces in my mind and feel my heart quicken at the mere thought of them being terrified. They had all been so scared when I had transformed.

Alastor turned the other way but I stared at the site over his shoulder. I actually wanted him to let me go so I could do it again. The energy from all of them still buzzed in my body despite the overwhelming exhaustion.

"I told you dear," my ear flicked at his voice, tears streaming down my cheeks and claws digging into his shoulders, "it's in your nature."

------

Striker grabbed Reagan by the throat and held her close to his face. I fought against the white rope trapping my limbs against my body, but it did nothing. My magic was gone from my grip and the rope kept me entirely immobile.

"You thought you could get rid of me that easily?" he taunted, eyes flickering over to me. "I'll haunt your dreams and your every waking hour. Just wait and see." He withdrew a white knife and plunged it into Reagan's heart.

I yelled and bolted upright from my bed. I fell off the side, covers trapping my legs, and tried to stand up. I choked on a sob and untangled myself.

------

"What does that mean?" she asked, voice quivering. He stopped his assault and took a step back to examine her fully.

"It means your family line has stayed pure since before the Great Collapse." When she showed no obvious sign of understanding, he let out a sigh and put his hands back in his coat pockets. "Magic was not a thing before the Great Collapse. Demons were leaked into our world and brought their wretched magic with them. They started having children with Humans and generations later, everyone had Demon's blood in them. You, my dear," he stood beside her and placed a hand on her shoulder, "are a rare, pure gem. You're not infected with their blood."

Reagan's eyes snapped over to mine. All I could think was - oh no.

He reached up to his face to remove his glasses and his horns. They were fake. "I, myself, am a pure Human." My eyes widened, mouth dropping open. He was a Human. He was a defenseless Human. No wonder he had made all those inventions. "And I'm so glad to have found another one to add to our family."

"Family?" she questioned with a tone of disgust.

"I've been all around the world and collected ten pure Humans. We're going to be the foundation of the new world. A world that isn't tainted by Demons." His eyes narrowed on me.

"We're not all bad," I tried, limply pulling against the chains. My energy was taking forever to return. "We've created a safe haven for everyone. A place where both sides can live peacefully together."

"That wont last long." He waved his hand dismissively. "Demons are ruthless killers and Humans can't fathom having anyone above them."

------

Blackwater's laughter reached past it all. "A true Demon thirsty for blood. I expect nothing less from Alastor's soulmate." He turned to look at Reagan. "Did you know about this?" She shook her head in response, eyes never leaving my writhing form.

"Not...not all...just me...just Alastor." I spoke through the spasms and clenched teeth. I don't know how any of them hadn't broken yet from the sheer force. My breathing was getting faster, my whines louder.

"This is the person you're entrusting everything to," he went on, ignoring my response. "Demons can't help but lie. Lie and manipulate. It's why they come from Hell."

------

"Hey hey, it's okay. It'll be okay. Please stay with me." Husker's pleas were faint. I was curled up in a ball in the corner of my room. My wings were wrapped tightly around my body and a shield of thorny vines kept Husker physically away from me. My claws were digging into the back of my neck, blood falling down my shoulders like a waterfall. My cries were loud and ear piercing.

The shadowed souls broke through my barrier and crawled over each other to reach me. They tackled me like ants on a sweet apple, hungry for my soul and the energy it could provide them. And I let them. My soul felt like it was being torn in eighteen different ways but I didn't fight back -- couldn't fight back.

Then they disappeared.

I looked around to see Lucifer sending them back and raising a bright white and gold shield in place of my shattered ones. My purple mind turned red. How dare Lucifer take away a much deserved death.

------

I pulled myself out of the dreams to see the same black souls pushing against my last shield. They were so close. They were crying out for my energy, crying out for passage, crying out of pain. They were stepping and climbing over each other. Some even tried to climb up my shield to claw through it from the top.

Voices. Voices everywhere. Voices I knew.

I will always be the master of the shadows. -- Alastor

You, half bastard, will get what you deserve soon enough. -- Adam

This involves all of us, especially me and Husker, because we're the ones who had to deal with how it affected her. -- Reagan

Tell me, dear, how's it feel to know that all your hard work will be for nothing? No one will challenge your haven now that he's back and defending it. You won't need our deal anymore but you're still bound to it. You might even be forgotten as news picks up on his return. After all, who can trump the Radio Demon? -- Vox

She has no idea where to even begin to understand herself. And you know only one kind of magic. I am the closest thing to whatever she is. And if you'd like to keep your soulmate alive and sane, I will be working with her to keep her mind from breaking. -- Lucifer

A shadow scraped a claw on my arm. I curled up on the floor and covered my head. "Everyone shut up!" I yelled out. Alastor was pushing against my shields, too, but I wasn't letting anyone in. Not Lucifer, not Husker, not the souls, and not him.

More claws caught my back. My shield was shrinking and their arms were breaking through the shield like glass. I couldn't escape the voices. I couldn't escape my past. I couldn't escape myself. Vox had been right. Alastor had been right. Husker had been right. Everyone had been right about anything and everything. Why was I so useless? Why was I so helpless? Why did I always need saving? Wasn't I strong enough? Hadn't I come a long way?

I would never be on Alastor's level, let alone surpass him. I would always fall short. My past would always come back to haunt me. I couldn't escape. Wasn't I enough?

Something shattered.

Something sharp and aggressive burst through my shields.

Something suffocatingly hot surrounded my mind.

Alastor filled my mind. Red and green colored my vision as his magic spread through my body like wild fire. I couldn't push him away--couldn't get him out. He pulsed through me like my own blood.

Then he pulled.

But I resisted.

My claws dug into the ground as he wrapped his red arms around my torso and pulled me into the darkness; pulled me closer back to reality. I screamed and pushed against him. I didn't want to go back.

"Leave me to die!" I yelled. I tried clawing deep cuts in his arms but they bounced off like rubber. I twisted in all different directions, jumped and dropped my weight randomly, and threw my head back in an effort to hit his face.

Sharp anger poked my mind an instant before I was roughly shoved into the mattress. My eyes snapped open to his glowing, towering figure.

I brought my legs up and shoved him away, nearly sending him off the end of the bed. I untangle my legs from the sheets and tackled him, sending him the rest of the way. "How dare you!" My claws enclosed around his neck. And he let me.

I stopped.

My hands were still around his neck, as was his mind around mine, and his eyes stared blankly up at me. Why wasn't he fighting back? Why wasn't he getting angry in return?

I stood up and backed away. He stood up and fixed his coat and bow tie, eyes fixating on me a second after. Orange sun was poking through the curtains. Was it the evening?

His unemotional eyes never left me as he folded his hands behind his back. I could see the faint string connecting our hearts. It wasn't tight. It was hanging loosely between us.

I fell to my knees.

My hands covered my face.

I began to cry.

I curled inward until I was as small as I could make myself. It wasn't until Alastor laid a hand on my back that I noticed he had moved. I fell under a breath holding spell for what felt like forever.

"Breathe my dear." His voice was soft, gentle, and exactly like I remembered it. "Take it slow." He threaded a hand past my shoulder and into the curled mess. The smell of cedar wood and sweat pinched my nose and I sucked in a huge gasp of sweet air.

I made several more as my body tried to regulate its oxygen intake. Alastor spoke more comfort words until my breathing wasn't coming in wheezes anymore.

His hand was warm. So warm. So comforting.

If I let myself bask in his warmth, how much colder would it be when he disappears again?

But the warm circles he was drawing on my back were oh so relaxing. So comforting. I've been waiting eight years for this. Waiting eight years to know why he left. Waiting eight years to be moved on a deeper level once again.

"My dear, I'm here," his radioless voice cut through the silence. "I am here to stay."

Against my better judgment, I unstuck one of my hands and reached his leg that was touching my side. It felt like I was trying to soak up the sun. 

His smooth claws laid carefully, lightly, on top of my hand. It moved up to my forearm and captured my arm in his warm grip. He was real. He was here. I was touching him. He wasn't a ghost--wasn't a hallucination. 

"I am here, love." His hot breath brushed against my ear. His other arm stretched across my back and hooked on my shoulder. He gave a small tug and this time I didn't resist, allowing him to pull me out of my tight little ball. 

He shifted his position so his legs were on either side of me as I leaned against his chest. He was so warm. He began to hum, the vibrations in his chest nearly sending me back to sleep. I wrapped my arms around his narrow torso and wrapped my tail around one of his legs. 

"I hate you." I choked on a sob. "I hate you so much."

"Shh, darling. I know." One arm kept my firmly against him while the other threaded smoothly through my hair. It felt so comforting, so relaxing, and so right. Alastor the Radio Demon was being careful, gentle, and loving towards someone. And I was the lucky someone. 

"I hate you," I mumbled again. But I love you.

He placed a gentle kiss on the top of my head. I love you too, he answered through our minds. The connection was back. We were back. How long would this good time last? 

He brought his hand around to my jaw and used his thumb to push my chin up. He locked eyes with me, his genuine smile stretching on his lips. He used another claw to push a small strand of hair out of my eyes. 

"There's my girl." 

And placed a soft kiss on my lips.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's Note:

Big thanks to @wendigonamecaller for the help/ideas on this chapter.

We got over the big hump. Now is time for the sweet stuff :P

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Taglist:

@wendigonamecaller @saccharine-nectarine @thesimpybitch @papas-ghoulette @masochist-downfall

[nika6q]

Tech and Phee

So, I just read a bunch of arguments against this ship. And I don't really want to try to persuade anyone to feel either way. I just have some thoughts.

First off, I don't think Wanda Sykes works in this part. Personally I like to picture Sharon Duncan-Brewster. Also, I don't disagree that she comes off as a bit abrasive when we first meet her. But so did the Bad Batch, like waaaaay worse. It would be weird if she was some demure uwu girl.

There's actually a lot of parallels between them. They both make I'm seldom wrong, I'm always right comments. They have similar disregard for danger. They both have an intense (to the point of endangering themselves) love of knowledge and investigation.

They have both made communication blunders. I'm referring to the dreaded "it's called a conversation" incident. It's not fair to always expect women characters to be perfect so that the male character can work through their shit. This was still less hurtful than Tech's blunder with Omega. It's okay to make blunders. It happens to both men and women, and NT and ND people. We autistics can't expect NTs to immediately understand how to perfectly interact with us anymore that they can expect the same from us. It's not going to be perfect from the start. But they both have the patience and focus to get through that.

The build up. Ok, before the Pabu, I didn't see it. I don't think he did either. He clearly blue screened during the "head to these coordinates" shoulder touch. I think this is the "holy shit she is flirting" blue screen realization. I think after that it clicked for him, like ooooooh that's why she acts like that, okay. Suddenly, we see him smiling at her and interacting in a different way. Especially the "hold on scene". We've seen Tech carry Echo by him holding around his neck. We see Wrecker in this episode carry the old man the same way. It would have been very appropriate to carry her that way too. But no. He grabbed that lady around the waist without hesitation.

The goodbye. Again, this is just my read on the scene, but why was he hanging outside the ship? I think he wanted to say goodbye but didn't know how. Phee comes over (as he probably expected which is why he was out) and he just shutdown. This isn't a situation he's been in, it's not easy, he doesn't know how to function here. I don't think he was staring at his screen because he wanted to ignore her, it's because he fucking shutdown. I've addressed the "it's called a conversation" above, but I'll add that she didn't get pissed or shitty. She finally sees that he's not willing or able to have this conversation and she ends it with a goodbye and a kind smile. As she leaves, his look isn't a "thank God that shit's over" look. It's a longing look. Maybe he still has to work out his feelings. But there is something there.

This is as much build up as a show this short can fit in. There is literally not enough time for more. Considering the amount of storytelling they have to get to, it's actually quite a lot (IMO).

Again, these are just my thoughts. I'm not trying to invalidate if other people read it differently and don't ship it.

[sir-yeehaw-paws]

Can you talk a little more about masculinity and femininity in ocelot? Sounds interesting

Hello Anon!

Sure, I can do that. I guess a good way to explain myself first (and hopefully a little better than I did in the takarazuka ask) would be how I personally perceive masculinity and femininity.

The definitions of the concepts, according to Websters dictionary, are defined as such:

Masculinity: The quality or nature of the male sex. Femininity: The quality or nature of the female sex.

As another quick note, I'll add that this isn't going to delve too hard into whether these qualities are 'good' or 'bad' in regards to Ocelot. Some of them are good qualities, but Ocelot often puts them to use in a sinister fashion, being. Well.

Ocelot. In this case 'masculine' qualities would be, say, 'aggressive, physically strong, abrasive, robust' where as 'feminine' qualities would be, 'soft, nurturing, gentle, reserved'.

Obviously, my immediate issue is that these definitions are rooted in biological sex characteristics, with the stickier territory of sex and gender correlating because biology dictates certain personality traits. I'm not going to over-complicate it by going into a deeper 'nature vs nurture' or sex VS gender argument. And, for the sake of ease I'll start by describing what one might consider how these qualities are implied/shown in Ocelot in particular.

Ocelot's personality (or what he tells people his personality is) has characteristics of the following:

Men are often considered to have more 'instinct rooted' natures. They're more often considered less feeling (something we know is very untrue but they're given less space to discuss their feelings properly). They are described as strong, daring. A lot of characteristics that get defined in the ways to which they are physically robust and skilled.

Or, in ways they can be useful based on those traits.

Women, by contrast, get considered more 'delicate' and nature based. What they can provide and offer people is given a critical eye (such as how many are described as nurturing, devoted) how they can provide, and their mental capabilities. Since the flip of the coin is that they are also considered more emotionally rooted, thus, they're described as 'manipulative and scheming' when written in a negative light.

(Also, a long time back, and never on Tumblr, I had the thought that Kaz's own story is written very 'female coded' to me. Being a scorned, jaded lover more known for his hysterical, temperamental personality and emotion being his driving force, robbed of his agency with torture and the like, and how revenge stories can often be common in female lead roles BUT that is a whole different thing so uh anyway carrying on.)

Ocelot's main, grounding root is that he is 100% endlessly devoted to Big Boss. It does not matter who suffers because of it, it does not matter how many people die, what matters is that the love of Ocelot's life is given his just due. And Ocelot remains by his side (physically and otherwise, even when BB himself is out of the picture) until his own death.

He's flamboyant. Full of a 'quirky' style of dress, makes a statement whenever he walks into a room. Does loud, bold hand gestures. Makes all kinds of crack statements, and generally draws the audiences attention in these ways. While he's more 'subdued' in MGSV, he still dresses a little 'strange' wears spurs around base, and keeps medium-length, free-flowing hair with long eyelashes and a more even-toned, level head.

Ocelot being a mediator is an extremely funny spot for him to be in, but like any of his performances, he nails it. Mum friend Ocelot, (if the mum friend is hypnotized to hell and of course, secretly antagonistic but again, Ocelot).

On the other hand, he's extremely obsessed with the 'ultra masculine' things; like guns, the American West, hand to hand combat (his CQC is some of the best in the series, I've seen it argued), men-or well, one man in particular. In any case, that's actually a different topic in it's own way, and a different essay.

I'd also note, the guns and such aside, he has a lot of his mother's personality traits, (from what we know of her anyway). The Boss was manipulative, cunning. Physically strong, robust. Driven by emotions, but physically domineering in a way that people knew damned well to take seriously.

Who else got Volgin to tuck tail?

Yet-despite this, her story is one of sacrifice. Her having Ocelot in the first place as well quietly key to her character, written on her chest in a deep scar that reminds the audience, this is a woman. Using the conventional aspects society deems relevant to women, and the ones we've all heard before.

Ocelot's story, ends on the note of reminding the world (the players) that he died for a man. That he loved and adored. His story gets slightly elevated from reminding you that 'this is a man' and more into the territory of 'this is a person with a story' which I find interesting, and a bit sad, on the Boss' part. Because while there's a distinctly 'feminine element' to that, he's not given the hammer home of 'this is a man's story!"

Because men get lots of stories. Men get all kinds of stories. That are not completely rooted in their masculinity (or their femininity, for that matter. Unless the story chooses to be about that). And I feel as if I've gone a touch off topic this way, but I know what I'm trying to say.

Ocelot, (and his mother, and so many) MGS characters are a good mix of masculine and feminine. One could make a post like this for all of the characters, but there is something to be said on the 'this is WOMAN' point getting hammered home a bit harder when it is the female characters.

But, that is another thing entirely. Once again. I feel like I'll never 100% stay fully on topic in an ask eh?

As an aside, is meowing masculine or feminine? We shall never know.

[machinelikesmachines]

Review of Under New Maintenance

Hi! This is my fic "Under New Maintenance"! I figured I would send it in cause I saw your post floating around about reading the first 3 chapters ^-^ As for the payment part: I know this is an odd thing to be proud of in specifically an xReader fic, but I'm really proud of my character's interactions with other characters like their coworkers and their little sister. To me it helps sell them as a person planted in this world (also I just think the interactions with Ina, the little sister, are very sweet).

Secondly, I like the little bits of storytelling within the story (story-ception)! Scenes of play, or coming up with a bedtime story off the top of their head - those little moments give me warm and fuzzy, comforting feelings and I'd like to think instances like that have the same effect for my readers!

Third, I just think it's a nice read! It has angst, but there's always feelings of hope and good people surrounding the reader. I also think the interactions with the DCA are cute/sweet! Even though I haven't updated the fic in a while due to just, in general life stuff, I'm really proud of what I have out so far and think it's worth a read for anyone looking for a DCA xReader with some angst and good feelings ^-^

---

I was going to just read the three chapters, but the little story at the end of chapter 3 made me curious enough to keep going a bit further, so I must agree with your second point. Ina is a delight and a very good kid, and the contrast between Reader's adult responsibilities and Ina's childhood is interesting, though I wonder how Reader would react if she had a meltdown typical of kids her age.

The beginning respects my time and doesn't meander while still matching the sort of easy, low-stakes pace that the rest of the story is taking. I personally like a bit more action and conflict, but the characters are lively enough to keep my attention. Everything seems to be going a bit too well for them, though (power bill notwithstanding), so I would like to see if Reader is about to run into some arguments or, barring that, a peek into their backstory. I want to break their stiff upper lip, which seems to already be quaking.

The DCA know exactly what they want and they aim to get it! I found this interesting enough to replace their canon abrasiveness. I wonder if Ina tells them about Reader a lot. I wonder if she misrepresents them.

Overall, the craftsmanship of the writing makes me trust in wherever the story might go, even if there's less conflict than I'd like. If you're looking for some fluff, Under New Maintenance is a good choice.

Do you want a review of your DCA fic? Details here.

[howyouloveyourdragon]

yandere rhaenyra x aegon (platonic) headcanons. rhaenyra sees aegon decides to love him and gives him the attention he craves and he trusts her above alicent and otto so he possibly when they are trying to crown him, he goes to her like always when afraid. I feel she could have forced alicent to let her participate in her siblings lives if she had desired it.

pairing: Platonic Rhaenyra Targaryen x Aegon Targaryen alternate universe: Yandere Rhaenyra type: headcanons warnings: yandere tendencies dividers by: firefly-graphics bullet points: 48 A/N: thank you for your request and i hope you enjoyed, lovie ♡ regarding my break: i want to preface this post by saying that this post does not mean that i am not back yet and i still have not checked any notifications from this account but i worked myself up to posting this today and i know that these are not up to the level i usually get them to as they are shorter than i would have preferred and less detailed but i hope you can still enjoy these headcanons ♡ to make up for any disappointment i might consider redrafting these or making a part 2, whichever you decide, and tagging you in them once i have returned properly to tumblr and posting

i'm going to merge this with similarities from my last request because i don't want to repeat myself too much but the requests are also very similar, a link to anyone who hasn't read it is here

so this will start from when rhaenyra hears otto; "What would your mother say?" The older man hisses, grasping the pale boy's shoulder "If she heard that you were whoring and poisoning yourself with ale at a time like this?" the ferocity is strong and harrowing through Aegon's bones, jolting him "I-I-I cannot–it's not my fault!" Her brother's words stumble and splutter, an ache resides in her she tries to remember every argument she has ever had with her own sons, were they ever this afraid? she cannot recall it, she hopes she will never have to a lump forms in her throat as familiar words belt in her ears "This is not what your mother needs right now, you are a disappointment to the throne and a disappointment to me." Aegon holds back his flinch but she does not at the abrasive words "I do everything you ask of me," His voice sounds so quiet, so fragile

Rhaenyra remembers all the times she squeezed Alicent's hands and felt the nibbles at her nails, the stark red indents

She remembers her friend, she remembers her vows of protection

She remembers teaching Aegon how to pronounce her name

Ahe remembers teaching him to pronounce his own

"And yet you are still not enough." The grown man sneers with a pelt of venom. "It would be better had we sent you to Oldtown rather than Daeron. At least he had better wit even as a mere child."

and that is when the first instinct kicks in

the first time she orders control of Otto Hightower

The first time she cares to comfort her half-brother

Her face pinches as she steps out, a hard sneer on her face.

It isn't immediately that she decides to chew the old fool out but when he sighs and hardens his stance, she doesn't hold back

"Are you not ashamed of yourself?" She roars

Both man and boy flinch upon hearing her

Aegon's eyes have never gone so wide before

"Threatening a young boy–no, a prince of all boys." Otto stiffens but tries to hold back his anger in front of the named heir though he is sure that detail will change soon enough "Your highness, I am threatening no one, I assure you. I am simply chastising my grandson." "And how would his parents think of this?" Rhaenyra asks, raising her brows. "The King and Queen?"

she cannot help but delight in how a glimmer of concern and contentment flicker across his eyes. She hums and all but snaps her fingers.

"Perhaps I should be spending more time with my brother then, if he needs chastising such as you say." She tilts her head as his eyes widen. "Come Aegon, let us speak." He trails after her like an unsure puppy

which is when the obsession begins

she has someone fighting for validation of her, the very person who threatens her reign is the same who desperately wants her to see him

she knows her father plays favourites and she particularly knows where he falls in that order, Viserys has always favoured herself and Helaena but if she can twist that lens even slightly, she knows that Aegon will be more than agree to an allyship

It has been so long since he had her attention, he had even tried befriending her children to secure it

i think Rhaenyra would be a defensive and targeting yandere when it comes to Aegon

for example, she may begin isolating Aegon from The Greens she believes to threaten her

At the top of that list is Otto

Otto has been controlling Alicent since she was child, whether it was how she can braid her hair or to whom she will marry

Rhaenyra does not want Aegon under that control nor the environment but there is little she can do to isolate him if she is in Dragonstone and Alicent is insistent that Aegon stay in the Red Keep

...Unless she can trade out guards loyal to her and guards loyal to Alicent without her noticing

Which is precisely what she does and it takes a long time but slowly, with her husband's help, she is able to transfer half of her guards but years pass before this is achieved

Messages are sent between Rhaenyra and Aegon without interference but soon Alicent becomes suspicious of the hours Aegon pours into learning High Valyrian so that only Rhaenyra can read his letters fluently

She has never seen him so dedicated nor dependent on anything else but finds no matter how she tries, she cannot get word of her responses because she too has begun writing to him in High Valyrian

She has paid for him to be gifted his own private tutor and he is ecstatic, becoming spoiled by his sister for every response he gives her

When he recieves word that she is visiting, he drops everything and greets her with the excitement of a namesday

He stands by her and Alicent is surprised to find that Rhaenyra accepts the way he clings to her

It worries her but she believes all will be well once she leaves

And after Viserys has passed?

She is shocked that he doesn't try and flee

That he doesn't even hide

He just walks through the castle as if nothing is the matter

It is safe to say that both she and Otto are on edge but begrudgingly place faith in him

And when he swipes his father's crown into his hands with the ease of a mischievous cat? She expects him to throw it...

Until they reach the platform and a familiar silver haired princess is walking into the ceremony with her head held high. Gasps whip across the crowd but none move to stop her and especially not when their supposed soon to be King kneels at her feet

Otto commands the guards to cease her steps and those of the army behind her but they do nothing, in fact they seize him before any arguments to her role as Queen can take place

Aegon holds the golden crown high but before anyone can take it, Rhaenyra stands before him, Daemon at her side who takes it into his lean palms to place it upon her, recalling vows of safety and faith in her reign. Aegon kneels proudly before her as the words are spoken but when Alicent is about to seethe, she swallows

It is too late for long-standing plots and panic embeds in her gut

It is clear that to every suggestion, to every blatant demand, Aegon has told Rhaenyra tenfold

He has done more than deny his right, he has blatantly abdicated it before the court and spectators

But she needn't worry, Rhaenyra is very fond of him indeed

Perhaps he would even make a good Master of Coin, he understand not only the money of the castle but the prices in which take course in Fleabottom, he has been there enough to understand their suffering

So Alicent's fearful gaze roams Rhaenyra and her people as the woman is crowned

The same question bounces around in her head over and over again...What happens now? as Rhaenyra caresses Aegon's proud face gently and calls for him to stand beside her

[characteroulette]

A study on prosecutors -- (previous) (next)

Simon Blackquill, the Twisted Samurai.

Simon was actually a bit of a hard sell for me, much like his contemporary. I'm not really into Dual Destinies or Spirit of Justice (and therefore I'm not able to remember all the details as well as I can the other games oop so sorry if I get some things wrong here), but there are things I enjoy about them. One of those things ended up being the prosecutors!

It's thematically appropriate with the whole "dark age of the law" setup. A prosecutor who's on death row is allowed to take on trials to help with the workload the prosecution's office is dealing with. (Don't mind the fact that there's enough wiggle room for Klavier to go out for an event.) We hear from Fulbright about this prosecutor and Athena seems to recognise him. The absurd of why are they letting an inmate have any legal sway whatsoever doesn't matter so much. This is the dark age of the law.

Then we meet him and he's appropriately a grumpy jerk.

We're not given the details of his crime really, just whatever we can glean from the animated cutscenes. (It involved blood and a sword.) But Blackquill's mannerisms are harsh and unforgiving. He's a psychological suggester, able to run circles around the judge and drag us along for the ride by the ear. I think this part of his schtick is kind of annoying to deal with, mainly because of how obvious it is that he's messing with all of us, but it definitely does make for a fun character. He really showcases how easy it is to become intimidating in this world of dumbasses when you're able to keep even a single braincell advantage. (The less forgivable act, to me, was his shutting Apollo down at every turn. He is so mean to Apollo! It's not like Apollo can help that his eyes are magically tuned to other people's body language, and yet Blackquill calls it cheating and cuts him down for it. Then he allows Athena to do her mood matrix things with very little argument! This was a huge jarring point for me for a long time and part of the reason why it took me so long to actually finish this game.)

The setup is there: something about this guy is performative, is softer when handling Athena. Yet he masks it all very well with his abrasive attitude and trickery. He forces us into a corner, forces the hand of our client, and we have to head back out into the investigation.

It's easy to explain away most of his attitude, in actuality. He's been in prison for seven years. He mentions constantly the different mates he's met in the clink. Fulbright may act like his only friend and supporter, but there's too large a gap between them considering Fulbright holds too much authority over him.

Blackquill has become unsociable from his time in the clink. His refusal to admit to the truth has him leaning into his belligerence, has him constantly acting the part of the bad guy. (When did it start to become a part of who he is? Perhaps he's always been a little twisted. It never rings false to anyone besides Athena, after all.)

His situation is intriguing and so we're hooked into wanting to know what the hell happened to make him like this.

Also, I gotta give a special mention to his talking sprites. All of them are really good, from him slamming the desk as he laughs (which is just how I see him in my head by this point) to his eye flashing as he glares down at you. He plays with a lot of the usual conventions, too, turning his back towards you and never actually having a full point. I may not like how his objection sounds (and this is a me problem, I only like about 20% of the actual objections in this series whoops), but his "Silence!" is pitch perfect. That really conveys more of his character than anything else, devs and his va did a damn good job with that one.

Anyway, second day of the trial. It's actually pretty fun to see Blackquill on the ropes, having him act as if we're the ones cutting him down instead of the other way around. He's just as annoyingly ruthless here, but it's easier to deal with when we can actually gain some ground on him. For all his posturing and intimidation tactics, he can't keep up the act while we're shutting him down.

Once we pull off our victory for our client, he's back to being a cool customer. He's a pretty graceful loser compared to so many other prosecutors we've seen. Compared to Gaspen, even. There's still a lot we don't really know about him and his situation, but he's made his character loud and clear for us to see. For that, I gotta say it's understandable if you started liking him by this point.

Case 3 is kind of a mess during the trial segments due to everyone trying to confess to the murder. Blackquill may be facilitating a bunch of this nonsense, but he's as along for the ride as we are. That makes things more fun and tolerable than it could have been, so hey.

It also showcases his softer approach with Athena; again, the hints are being put down. You can't quite pick them up yet because you don't have the full context, but you can notice Athena mention that she's fighting so hard in order to save someone not our client. (And Blackquill even addressed her as directly about it as he can, saying that she should know it's useless trying to reach him.) When Means puts Athena out of commission for a minute, Blackquill doesn't mock her or even take advantage of the situation. He doesn't help, either, he can't do that without giving away the whole game, but he allows her the time to come back. That's probably the biggest hint we get as to who these two are to each other and it's a subtle thing, too.

His dynamic with Athena is probably the most enjoyable, also. She's a real spitfire in court, owing to her youth and her energetic nature, while he's a steel wall with trickster energy. They work surprisingly well off one another, trading jabs and him always seeming to be a step ahead but never fully leaving her in the dust. He recognises her inexperience and she recognises his humanity; neither want to hold back against the other and yet their blows aren't as harsh as they could be.

He was, after all, made to be her opponent on some level. Seeing their dynamic work so well off one another, it's easy to stop finding him aggravating and start finding him endearing. A rough around the edges older brother type rather than a hardened criminal trickster type. (Though he is very much still both.)

An aside on the DLC case, I think it's very funny how Blackquill was the only prosecutor willing to try this case against an orca. Sure, he saw the underlying actual murder mystery beneath it all, but it's so easy to imagine him being presented this case, laughing his ass off, then agreeing to prosecute it. This man's as insane as Phoenix!! And that goes a hell of a long way to endearing him to us. To me, specifically. His mannerism against Phoenix is kinda not fun, considering Phoenix is hardly ever fun in this game, but it's such a wacky little character detail about him that I just adore. His devil may care attitude may come from a dark place, but it lends itself to such a fun time.

Of course, we then reach the fourth case and even more mysteries are thrown in our face.

For one, Blackquill is just as on edge and vicious concerning this case. We understand some of Apollo's beef, he knew the victim and is emotionally invested in his client, but Blackquill being just as invested is definitely strange. It definitely raises some alarm bells to keep in mind, right up until the courtroom is blown up and we're forced into a time skip.

Meeting Blackquill's older sister adds another piece to the puzzle. She's really nasty especially to Athena and you make a note of it, but still can't quite make out the whole picture. It's an easy detail to overlook, even, if you aren't really paying attention to the names, since there isn't a big fuss made over her being his older sister. It connects him to this space station, but not in a way that matters. Not yet.

Another piece is Fulbright's odd behaviour. They really have to work hard to start building enough clues for Fulbright's turn to make sense, but the important thing for us concerning Blackquill is that he seems more worried about Blackquill's rehabilitation than before. Fulbright himself is struggling in what he should reveal to us, where his sense of justice lies, and Phoenix presses him to share enough with us for the next day of the trial.

Of course, Blackquill continues the trial with his added fervour. It really feels he has more of the pieces to this puzzle than we do at this point, but we at least manage to hold our own until Fulbright returns with the decisive evidence to prove Starbuck's innocence. The problem then is that it implicates Athena.

And Blackquill goes into absolute panic mode.

This is what he's been trying to prevent! He can't have Athena accused of another crime, he can't defend her this time like how he did before. He's doing his best to hold his uncaring demeanour together, but he's slipped too much for it to be convincing. He's run out of time and his sister refuses to accept that.

This leads us into the final case and our impromptu trial to figure out just what exactly happened for Blackquill to land himself on death row.

How Blackquill guards himself while absolutely falling apart here is so heartbreaking. He's doing his best to protect Athena, to save the girl who's his mentor's precious treasure, and him and Athena going back and forth on whether or not the whole truth is worth exposing, no matter how painful it is, is excellent. I really feel Blackquill's desperation here, aided by one of the sickest Mood Matrix segments ever. Learning that Edgeworth asked Phoenix specifically to become a lawyer again to help Blackquill, having Edgeworth act as prosecutor on this trial, everything about this is so good. All of it really lends to showing us the player why we should care about Blackquill. It definitely got me good.

Only once we prove Blackquill and Athena both innocent does that weathered shield finally fall. Blackquill gets to show off a bit of his less guarded self, gets to have some fun as we leap into the next segment of the trial. He gets to finally, finally dig up the truth behind that terrible lie he's been keeping for the past seven years and confront this Phantom himself. If the Phantom reveal wasn't so slapdash, this entire segment would be a lot more powerful, I think.

All of it, though, is in service of the straight up satisfaction we get when seeing Blackquill at the end, able to live his life again. Seeing how he actually calls on Athena's help in the next game, then hops onto the bench with her to help her out is so good, there's so much growth that happened there. He's still his smarmy trickster self, but he's willing to show a bit of his caring older brother side! I love seeing it.

Anyway yeah hopefully this conveys how much I love Blackquill, wish he had that little extra oomph to his narrative to make him truly great.

[synthesizershowdown]

why flower's image should be changed to her v4 design: a comprehensive explanation and argument

i'm wayyyy too dedicated to this vocal synth for my own good. please be open minded and take my points seriously because i spent like 2 hours typing this up

flower's v4 design is easily her most iconic and recognisable design, and is well liked for several reasons:

her hairstyle, figure and outfit reflect her voicebank's androgynous tone - this is rare in vocal synths and makes her popular with nonbinary vocal synth fans like myself

her outfit has a distinct punk/goth style that was carried over from the v3 design and is suitable to her genre of music - vflower was created as a poweful vocal specialising in rock

it keeps several design elements introduced in v3: flat chest, messy white hair with a singular dark purple streak, vivid purple eyes, dark purple leather vest, choker and boots, as well as a bandage wrapped around one of the arms

flower's v4 voicebank is quite popular in the vocal synth scene as of now and has been used in a variety of well known songs, including goodbye sengen, venom, villain, lower one's eyes, bocca della verita, the list goes on. it would make sense to use the v4 design to represent flower, whose most popular voicebank is her v4.

in contrast, when ci flower was released, many original vflower fans felt upset and betrayed because of several major differences:

physical appearance

her hair is smooth and straight, and ends in a pink gradient. it has two purple streaks instead of one

her eyes are a different shape and an entirely different shade of cool blue

she has a visible chest

outfit

features a lot less purple and is visibly desaturated. has a decent amount of grey and orange, both colours that do not appear anywhere on the v3 and v4 designs

instead of being goth/punk inspired it is a very basic outfit that has a closer resemblance to casual/sportswear

lacks several vital design elements that make v3 and v4 recognisable as the same character

voicebank

people have complained that it sounds a great deal more feminine

most importantly, it lacks the power of v3 and v4, instead having more of a delicate, brittle quality that is easily drowned out by loud rock music

these factors combine to create a character who is completely unrecognisable to both the original v3 and v4 designs, both in terms of design and vocals. most people who know of flower consider them as different vocal synths and i've even seen one or two people saying that while they disliked the original vocaloid and thought it was too abrasive, they enjoy the ci variant for its softness and femininity. instead of adopting ci as the new representative design, the majority of original vflower fans have continued to use the v4 design + voicebank, and seem to go out of their way not to interact with content involving the cevio version.

several testimonials i have gathered:

in conclusion:

*(also this is negligible but i think more people use the tag "vflower" than "flower vocaloid" and that way you might get a tiny bit more engagement)

i rest my case.

That's quite a passionate argument. However, I will not be changing the image used, otherwise I'd probably have to change the design for other vocals as well. If I went off of the design I liked best for a vocal, 1. it would not be V4flower and 2. vocals such as Miku and Tianyi would have different designs as well.

I'd also like to comment that the sound difference is not exclusive to flower. IA's CeVio AI voicebank sounds quite different to her Vocaloid bank as well. The difference in technology does alter quite a bit.

Most importantly though, this blog is for fun. Please don't take this too seriously. If you dislike the CeVio design so much, vote against her. You don't actually have to vote based on quality of voicebank(s).

[bunshr00m]

i love ddlc+ because it puts even more perspective as to why characters act the way they do in the original game. i especially loved the insight into natsuki and yuri. we just assumed that natsuki was just angry all the time for no reason, right? the fact her father abused her does also explain her abrasive language as thats probably how she's used to being spoken to, but ddlc+ made me realize how she is very rarely malicious deliberately, and the fact that she is genuinely bad with social cues. normally people would think of yuri when it comes to a lack of social awareness, but i'm telling you, they both have it, they just act in different ways.

i love how natsuki and yuri are two sides of the same coin. yuri is bad with social cues and typically responds in embarrassment when she misses them, meanwhile natsuki responds in anger. however, even though they seem so different, their behaviour is actually similar. they both hide true parts of themselves out of self esteem issues, prohibiting themselves from talking about their passions if they come across as "too intense" or "childish". though yuri's most common reaction to rejection is self-blame, at least on the surface, she does show anger occasionally because deep down, she feels like she should have a right to be herself just as much as natsuki does, she just typically defaults to a flight response rather than a fight one.

i think them being so similar is why they tend to bring out the worst in each other. a funny difference between the girls' routes in ddlc is that either natsuki or yuri will suggest writing poems about the same subject to the other, and the other will suspect them of doing it to show off, because they don't trust each other enough to think either of them had pure intentions. when really, they did, they just reached each other in a state where the other is not ready to trust (because the trauma from feeling like their personalities are wrong and should be changed makes trust hard!!) right person, wrong time, even.

i'm sprinkling in some of my own headcanons/theories here but i think natsuki probably has ptsd due to the way she's constantly on high alert to defend herself, she always assumes that she's being personally attacked, and it takes a lot to settle her down, probably because she *does* get attacked at home and it creates a sense of panic in her when she senses that happening in whats supposed to be her safe place. as for yuri, ddlc+ pretty much convinced me that she's on the autism or add spectrum, maybe both. she seems to have rejection sensitive dysphoria along with her missing many social cues and being easily overstimulated.

i used to dislike yuri quite a bit because i found her hypocritical and didn't understand why she was polite one second, then arguing intensely the next. i felt more sympathy for her when i realized that like all humans, she gets overwhelmed having to hold in how she feels and is hyprocritical in her arguments because her emotions run so high that she can't think straight when hurt, it becomes all about how she feels because selfishness is a mechanism to protect herself from pain. with how uncomfortable she gets being referred to as "the smartest" she probably feels like the club has an expectation of her which she is afraid to break, so she conforms until she can't take it and lashes out when provoked.

natsuki and yuri's arguments are literally just them riling each other up without realizing because they're both thinking "i'm literally just being myself what is your problem" when really they've been hurting each other on a personal level without even knowing how personal their insults are, because to them, t's just their opinions, and they are bad at expressing them carefully.

anyway i love these silly sweeties who don't know how to communicate

[cangelgifs]

Saw some really bad anti-Cordelia/anti-Cangel opinions but I’m being so brave about it. In all seriousness though, what do you say to people who think Season 3 regresses on cordelia’s development for the sake of the romance plot? I think it’s an unbelievably wrong take that clearly has no appreciation for her character whatsoever but I’d like to hear your takes.

So, I do think we lose some of Cordy’s POV in the second half of S3 once she becomes a ‘romance interest’ but I don’t see this as a flaw on Cangel’s part. Moreover, I see it as a flaw of the show itself AKA having too many male writers in the writers room.

However, I don’t think her character is regressed at all. S3 has some of the most amazing growth for her character in the show. "So - demonize me already” is one of the best Cordelia moments across both series.

I'm going to quote Nika_83 here because she said it better than I could:

"I say they also don't know the meaning of the word regression. Which is to go backwards. At no point in season 3 does cordy slide back in to season 1 btvs behavior. So that's pattently wrong. Rather she is way more selfless and giving. This all makes sense given what she has seen and experienced. She literally feels the pain of the visions. She wants to help those people. And selfishly she wants to be important to angel and the cause. And she still maintains that "materialism' she always had with loving nice things, being bought out by clothes, loving being pylea princess, etc. Which is a part of her as a character and can be a flaw but that doesn't override her need to save others, or herself."

I don’t know the posts your referring to specifically but common arguments I see for S3 are:

She’s become a Mary-Sue/Saint Cordy. 

Angel on Top has a good response to that: “She's in this relationship with Groo that we already discussed as being, like, flawed in various ways and has a certain amount of denial baked into it. Like that is imperfect. And she also tries to read what is going on with Gunn and is completely wrong as well. Like, she’s also, like, there’s human error happening still with her. Like I don’t think she is—god forbid I use the Mary Sue word–she’s like not doing that kind of stuff. I do think Cordelia would be inherently less interesting if she was suddenly perfect and never did anything wrong ever in her life. But, you know, she’s still Cordelia. She’s still, like, making some mistakes and being a little too abrasive every once in a while. Like, I don’t subscribe to that.”

“Angel's feelings are the only ones I care about” - The Price; ‘she’s become too focused on Angel’

I think saying ‘oh, all she cares about is Angel’ is oversimplifying it greatly and missing the point. Yes, she cares about Angel and always has (see 1x22 when she buys him art supplies to make him feel better and “Well, he's gonna have to start wanting things from life, whether he wants to or not!”). This is nothing new. I think in the overall context of what’s going on in S3 at that time, it makes sense. I think she is prioritizing Angel and focusing on Angel’s grief over losing Connor to protect herself from her own grief. If she keeps busy taking care of Angel, she won’t have to feel the pain/loss herself. Also we know Cordy is guilty of downplaying her own pain to her own detriment (her hiding that the visions were literally killing her!) so sadly this is in character for her.

Thanks for the ask!

--whatisyourchildhoodtrauma

I also wanna hop in here and say that I completely agree with everything that has been said and I also wanna add that even if you completely strip away the romantic subtext of s3, Cordelia would be the same person that she was in that season because two things are very true. One, that her life would still be very much intertwined with Angel's because that's the nature of him being the protagonist--similar to how Cordy's life was very much intertwined with Buffy's on BTVS--and two, her growth over the last seasons (and arguably since BTVS) would still lead her to the place that she wound up. She didn't grow to the kind hearted, loving person who cares more about the mission than money that we see in s3 because of Angel or for Angel. She grew because she was presented time and time again with a worldview and a mission that was bigger and more important than herself and it shaped her and facilitated her growth into the person she became.

I also gotta point out that the argument in itself feels kind of sexist as if a woman can’t have positive growth unless it’s attributed to shipping her with a man. Not to mention that the "Saint Cordy" moniker also feels sexist because it both diminishes her growth and patronizes her. Essentially it paints her as this super perfect saint of a person instead of talking about how much she's grown or the sacrifices that she's had to make in order to get where she is in canon or even talking about the mistakes she does make/flaws she does have in the back half of s3. Not to mention it also is used to not talk about the real issues of the back part of s3 and how that twisted into the narrative of s4 (which is a very sexist narrative with many flaws). It's just is like "oh she's saint cordelia now" and doesn't leave much, if any, room for deeper discussions. Not to mention it also paints this narrative of "a woman has to be suffering constantly or tormented in order to be viewed as a flawed, complex person" which is both gross and incorrect.

Again, super agree with everything that has been said and this was a very good question, thank you for the ask!

-- someonefantastic

[sazzafraz]

The Great Project

It's Astrology Natal Chart Time

the inside of my brain is a bowl slippery noodles that catch on each other, but the end result is usually nart and, lately, astrology. this was a very original interest for me to (re)take up in 2024, i'm sure. but brats playing and i'm sick*** as hell so here are my correct opinions. if you have some background knowledge and are reading this, i use primarily ancient astrology (in this case that means i'm only talking about the traditonal planets) but characters are objects, not people, and i would argue that the more psychological affectation of modern astrology is of better use. this is also a No Math reading. the slow moving planets will go where i say for these fake people.

Nart Fart

Taurus Asc

Libra Sun

Sagittarius Moon

Libra Mercury

Libra Venus

Aries Mars

BYO Jupiter

Aquarius Saturn

Forgot he was a libra which is something libra men can do to you. in this specific way talk-no-jutsu is a superpower all librans have. the sun is not actually the most complex placement and i REALLY don't think that he's solar ruled so i don't have much to say. he's a libra! take him to the mall!

his moon tho!! i love to cheat and give charismatic but unstable men libra moons. this is because of all the war crimes libra moon men* commit. but i actually think he's a sagittarius moon so congratulate naruto for getting one of the only placements that could suggest a Massive Wang. sag isn't a comfortable moon, it's lucky and gregarious but equally capable of pure delusion because you DO get lucky. it's also the moon i'd pick for someone who was deliberately socially abrasive, if not outright rude. but he needs a social moon; one that looks outward to sooth his emotional self. and since i said No to a libra moon and i have several reasons to not put cancer it's this or aries. i do think aries works! but why i would minorly put sag above it, is that the entirely fight for nart is philosophic: how does he live in konoha. how does he overcome kurama. how does he convince sasuke. and combined with the positive aspects of t-n-j i think this is a great expression of a venus-jupiter combo. this can be answered with martian power, but it's a better story if it isn't!

(watch nart have been born canonically on a full moon so it's aries by defaut)

mars is also fairly important and i do actually give this one to aries. no arguments he just acts like a dude with an aries mars. i think his venus and jupiter, despite being so important, are also up for grabs. i'd hear libra for both. i'd hear leo for venus. i'd hear leo for mercury, which isn't possible! straight up: i do not like any of the mercury choices i don't think any suit how he thinks and acts. i don't even think he has a libran mercury, but its the least No one i can think of. can't always win.

i am dead certain he has a helpful saturn, which sounds insane when you think about all the restrictions he was born under but that shit sorts itself out before he's even twenty. as a bitch with a shitty saturn i could never!!!!! reorders and restructures his whole society.........aquarius coded tbh.

i think he's moon ruled, and i'm less fussed about the ascendant but i'd pick taurus over cancer**. congratulations to naruto for getting one of the other Humongous Cock indicators.

Sasgay

Aries Asc

Leo Sun

Cancer Moon

Virgo Mercury

Cancer Venus

Cancer Mars

Cancer Jupiter

BYO Saturn

it's britney bitch! it's a man with a really lucky chart. this is why he didn't IMMEDIATELY die when itachi started pulling shit. he knew he was an aries rising with a leo sun and a cancer moon and heck why not a cancer jupiter too. super funny to do that given, ya know. the massacre. but how are you going to fuck it up saz? how are you going to make this awful. SO glad you asked. cancer mars. evil, evil placement. this is a joke of course: astrology has no dictation on morality. that's on you. this is also not a joke, in that of there's one placement i would actually never date and it IS a cancer mars. their feelings are never, ever a joke and they will stalk you to the ends of the earth to ensure you know that. your feelings, however? they are always up for debate. if you have ever wanted to live rent free in someones mind but somehow still pay for it, here you go. fuck a cancer mars tbh.

know what lets really fuck it up and give him both a cancer venus and chiron. cancer fourth house stellium. huge mamas boy if she hadn't been muuuurdered. also could work with the way he just, fucks off in boruto. lets never met again, sarada! i believe in apple by charli xcx! these generational wounds STAY unhealed!

you know what would be so funny and make zero sense. if sasuke had a cap saturn. he SHOULD hae an aquarius one if thats what i chose for nart but this is funnier. functional saturn! no weapon made against you shall prosper (past the age of 27)! too bad ur ideological opponent is You Free From The Shackles of Society And With a Railgun.

Why Isn't Sasuke a Scorpio Sazz? Aren't All Antihero's Scorpios Sazz? He Wears A Lot of Navy Sazz? Fool. Itachi is the scorpio. Itachi is the most gem sun, scorp moon bitch i've ever seen. he is AN ACTOR. he is A TRAITOR TO HIS COUNTRY LEAKING STATE SECRETS. he is GASLIGHTING YOU. besides sasuke has all that martian energy anyway. he'll just break up with you in person instead of faking his death and framing you for it.

(actually having written this........sasuke is the only one who would just break up with you)

Sakura

Aries Rising

Cancer Sun

Libra Moon

Gemini Mercury

Leo Venus

Leo Mars

Leo Jupiter

Cancer Saturn

talk about a bitch with an unevolved libra moon. sakura, your twelve and he's gay. jokes aside. libra moon libra moon libra moon. my entire life is filled with libra moons and she is one. i have never once understood the libran emotional process but i HAVE learnt that the fastest way to help is to take them somewhere beautiful, and tell them how lovely they are. aries rising because of literally her entire personality before the wave arc. luckily!! aries are meant to grow.

her gem is actually so important given her journey which is why its a gem/leo toss up but i give it to gem because she's just flatly smart. she understand process. she can read a context clue. she is On it. leo mercury has the diligence and competence of all leos but as a certified mercurian its a different kind of intelligence.

so sakura should have at least dated rock lee because as a bitch with a leo venus and mars hes the only one who would take her on a date she'd like. you can make a cancer/cancer argument for her sasuke phase, but i genuinely think she has a lot of pride and self worth. way more a leo thing. i actually have no opinion on her jupiter. this choice is Full Vibes.

okay so all of team 7 should have lucky saturns and i'm so sorry baby to do this to you. i do not see this for her. i think she may have a sun-saturn conjunction. think of it as having your light dimmed by misfortune, misunderstanding or misuse. i don't really feel like doing synastry charts for these three -i would literally have to do the math personally, but considering what I have said sasusaku could work really well here for pushing growth on both of them. they'd also definitely get divorced.

Kakashi

Gemini Asc

Virgo Sun

Virgo Moon

Virgo Mercury

Virgo Venus

Pisces Jupiter

BYO Saturn

OF COURSE KAKASHI IS A VIRGO. you know what? he's a virgo stellium!!!!!! my astrology analysis was just going to be More Squares, but this is worse for him. I can give him an exalted mercury and objectively the worst venus placement. i'm god and kakashi is my plaything.

to be more serious i actually want to make him mercury ruled and i want it from gemini, so gemini ascendant! all that virgo in the fourth house baby!!!! do not ever ask him about his childhood. super interesting bounce off of sasukes natal chart here, too. does he remind you???? of someone???? gem ascendant is what gives him his charm, here. he's very clearly a weirdo but CAN socialize. he's got lady gaga charisma. u remember the meat dress but gosh darn it.......the gal can sing!

this is a No Math chart creation still so i'm ignoring the impossibility and assigning him a positive jupiter. because i don't actually want him dead. a very positively placed benefic can take an otherwise Doomer chart to 'well, the horrors SHOULD have killed you but were faster, i guess'. i did also think about giving him a benefic ruler, like Sagittarius ascendant which would pop all that virgo in the 10th house which thematically Still Works but i do think his sun and moon should be 'below' the horizon.

i actually think his saturn is so important but idk. i'm pretty tempted to make it pisces for the delicious tension between the IC and the MC.

*this isn't actually a joke: putin, kissinger, j.d vance, stalin and george w bush have their moon in libra.

** 'isn't cancer the only true-' i am fucking around. i am counting the exaltation. *** i am no longer sick, merely correct

[littleapocalypsekitten]

This is a beautiful answer. Assuming that the person who went off on everybody isn't a troll and is sincere, I think this is exactly what is going on. (They will not see this. I've got them / fert blocked because I am in NO mood to be called a stupid bitch Nazi cunt, which seems to be all they are on). I took a look at their blog and they seem to enjoy a science-oriented Youtube channel that I also enjoy, and I have run into Transhumanism-arguments before. As I said on my other reply to this thread, I enjoy writing stories featuring it. I have the robot-consciousnesses-body-surfing version and it exists only for the rich / an artificial upper-class in my world, because I'm certain that it's how it will be if it happens. As also said on my other reply, I recently lost a loved one. A very close adult nephew / best friend. It's been hard. It was a sudden death - some outstanding health problems, but he wasn't even 40. In between planning the memorial-gathering for family and friends, it's been hard and I am familiar with how the emotions go wonky. I've been having bouts of unbridled rage, for instance, but not taking it out on internet strangers (instead, I've been threatening God. I was relieved when my psych doc told me that this was normal). We all get weird when faced directly with mortality, so, yes, I do wonder if Fitzory/fert/whomever has lost someone recently or has had a scary brush with death. I have compassion for them if their emotions are out of whack because of that (but still have them blocked because with my emotions out of whack, I will definitely react to their abrasiveness by saying things I'll regret). What is at heart is a failure to understand. What OP was talking about was making a joke about cosmetics and the beauty industry that asks us to conform to a standard that not all of us onery old cusses want to conform to. Fitz takes it in a completely other direction (science stuff) and it collapses their whole world. They need to step back, take a breath. Being anti-aging and anti-death as a philosophy really does not work with wanting people to die. (A fight or flight instinct? Sure, but it doesn't sell their philosophy). If they're going into it with this attitude, it's pretty much a kind of non-religious Calvinism, isn't it? They reserve the right to pick and chose who will make it to their future deathless utopia ("heaven") while everyone whom they do not like, all the way down to people who "gasp!" disagreed with them! on the Internet!" gets cast into oblivion. Part of the reason why these guys have never "sold" transhumanism to me. Yes, I'd like the elders in my family to get reverse-aged and get their mobility back and their health problems cured. No, I don't want to lose anyone else. Living to 300 years or more with good health like the High Elves in Skyrim would be pretty awesome. However, forever? I'd take a Heaven I'm not sure exists, or even oblivion unless these guys eventually learn how to bring back literal dust and ashes (the family cremated my nephew, we are planning a scattering in a natural setting in his childhood home state later this year). If the option happens and others want to live forever, fine, but I am likely to opt out. Too many people I miss. Even if I'm wrong about the spiritual notions I like to keep, even oblivion seems better. I think the scientific miracles that fert is hoping for are unlikely in any of our livetimes. I hope fert can make fert's peace. (And STOP wishing early death on those of us who may not want to live forever, but definitely want to live longer).

scrunching my face real hard rn

[rabiesprooftreerat]

Damn i really gotta rant. This thing will be in basically 2 sections, politics and the tism. I love my family, but hOLY SHIT it feels weird sometimes.

Essentially, I'll be screaming about my issues and shit

Normally, if someone has a differing political opinion from me, I'll be fine. I like hearing how others think. I can be stubborn and abrasive about it at times, I'll admit, but overall? No harm, no foul! I'll try and see from their side and respect it. After all, as long as there's no harm done, it's fine!

But, FUCK am i not safe! :)

My family and I are talking about Palestine over dinner (how it sucks, how sad the loss of innocent lives are, supporting Palestine) and eventually we get sidetracked. My sister talks about reverse eugenics (????) and we move on to US presidents. Now, I don't support Trump, I have no reason to. I am a queer, neurodivergent Latina. I have good reason not to like him, not to mention his issues as president.

My sister says that I "just don't like Trump because she's gay." Which okay???? That's still a damn good reason to not like him. That is actually a VERY VALID REASON! I say that there's more, that WE ARE LATINAS and he's a RACIST! She goes "okay?" and says that the economy was good with him as he ran the country like a business. Which you shouldn't do, you should care about your citizens. I start with this, get this point dismissed, and (I shit you not) said she liked him for his honesty.

She liked him for how honest and publicly racist he was.

What? I say that if THIS was what he showed to the public, then how was he like in private? She ignored this, and i pointed out his connection with EPSTEIN, to which she said that most big wigs are pedos anyway (not the point)! I explain how bad this is and his other crimes, to which she says that Obama also committed crimes and was secretly a racist.

Did i bring up Obama? No. Did i plan to? No. Am i saying he's completely innocent? Absolutely not. Will i search up Obama's apparent racism? NOT RIGHT NOW! THIS WAS ABOUT TRUMP AND THE ISSUES HE CAUSED! BESIDES, if i was telling you we are not safe because we're Latinas (regardless of if we were born on US soil) during his time in office, that should be taken seriously.

IF I SAID THAT I, YOUR SISTER, WAS NOT SAFE IN THE COUNTRY BECAUSE OF MY SEXUALITY, THEN YOU SHOULD LISTEN BECAUSE MY LIFE IS ON THE LINE!

Eventually, i say that i view The Orange as one of the worst, but Reagan is THE worst to me. I will say i was aggressive at this point. After all, I was pissed, and I have no reason to lie. My sister goes on saying that I wasn't even alive for it, so i can't know that he's the worst. Which, W H A T?

As if Reagan's actions don't affect us now. I am shouting because what. I SEE the effects right now with my two FUCKING E Y E S. My mom is home now and is a Reagan stan apparently, so we debate. It's more like an argument, and a sad one at that.

Now, i have a bad habit of talking down to people if i believe i am right. Regardless of age or superiority, i can do this to you. Is it bad? Yeah! I don't like doing it either. It's annoying and feels a little gross. If i am given some respect and reasoning about something, I don't do it. You treated me as an equal and i have no reason to talk down to you. I will return that respect as best i can. BUT (as is in the case with my family) if i am treated as lesser because of my age, am interrupted too many times, or the conversation is purposely derailed with the intent to shut me up, I will talk down to you.

I will use small words, slow my speech, and talk as if you are also a child. If you cannot talk to me as an adult, then we will talk on the same level as children. I hate having to do this because it feels stupid, but I need to as it's the fastest way to regain respect in the convo. My mom even says that whenever I talk down to someone, it's because I'm usually RIGHT! She says this because I DO IT TO HER!

I have to constantly reiterate the point to both her and my sister, that Reagan has done such harm that it's still felt today. Again, i am told that i don't know what I'm talking about because i wasn't there like my mom was. I, again, try to explain why he's not good. My mom says all Latinos love Reagan 'cause of his policies and i don't know anything. She understands what I'm saying because I'm talking clearly so we can converse. She then DERAILS THE CONVERSATION!

She asks who's worse, Clinton, Bush#1, or Bush#2? I tried to bring it back because they were not part of the topic of Reagan. She continues, Clinton, Bush #1, Bush #2? I try to bring it back, cycle repeats. Slowly i get annoyed and get louder and slower each time. Eventually, i tell her bluntly that the conversation was about the Reagan Administration, not Clinton. Not George Bush. Not W. Bush. THE REAGAN ADMINISTRATION! My sister laughs, saying that my mother loved history, my mom starts about Clinton, and sits on the couch.

She allows the conversation to return to Reagan and FINALLY I can talk about his effects on unions and the economy. I am talking down to my almost 50yr. old mom at this point, who is an immigrant as well. Had she not dealt with issues, I would have been beat by now. I explain how Trickle-Down economics was a failure and how his methods of union busting are still used today. All explained slowly and clearly, like i was talking to the child i has dismissed as. She concedes that i had good points but had giggled during the explanation (my sister literally asked if i knew and i did not).

Was it rude? Yes. Could i have been better about it? Yes! I was an asshole. But damn was i tired of what I was saying not being taken seriously.

"You just don't like him cause you're gay and he's homophobic", "You know ____ did this bad thing too, right?", "You weren't there, so you can't know!" I have to talk down to an adult to be taken seriously, no matter if i am an adult or not. All because i am young.

I have to strip the authority of the grown ADULT to be on an equal level and be heard.

I am and will forever be sick of not being heard, especially when it comes to my OWN GODDAMN MIND!

Now for the tism talk. Oh my god my family is... something. Now, i have been aware of my ADHD for YEARS now. I had brought it up before with my parents when i was like 13, but it was shut down because I could never! I was "too smart" and had no mental issues (i did in fact, have mental issues). After all, a mentally ill could NEVER memorize an entire page of nothing but cancer facts! A "retard" couldn't possibly be getting all A's in elementary AND be interested in oncology! No way!

This hasn't been the first time something like this happened either. First time, I said i might be introverted because i heavily related to other introverts. After all, i get tired in my head around people and like to be alone if i need to recharge! I "took it from the internet" at the time and OOPS! I was introverted.

The second time, i said i might have ADHD because i researched the symptoms. It explained a lot as to why i struggled now in school, focus, the Leg Bounce©️, and maybe we can find a way to help me raise my grades! I was told that only my sister had it, i was lazy, and sent to a group where kids with substance abusing parents were. Despite the kids group and the drunk dad i had, i did not get better and my only solace was anime, danganronpa/other fandoms, and Amino.

Coming out as queer was taken well so not much to say there.

But then, i got on Tiktok and i got recommended all these funny and relatable people! Some had ADHD, but some were relatable in a way that the ADHD people weren't. The way these people had little things they adored with their soul, how the hot food can't touch the cold food or it's all bad, the little movements and that make them happy, how some sound is evil, etc.

I found out that they were autistic and things clicked, sorta. "This makes sense," I said. "They have the 'tism!" But what about me? Surely, I'm not autistic. I'd know! Over time i came to realize that there was a good chance i did have the 'tism.

But what about the tests! If i am diagnosed as autistic, what will happen? America is shit and what if i need to flee? That might interfere! I found the RAAD-S test along with the JoJo Autism Wheel and took it. RAAD-S: You have the tism.

Autism Wheel: Autism! You got it!

I took and retook the tests. Each time I got autism. And god!

It felt so good to have reason as to why I'm like this!

That's why flappy hands and making cat noises feel good! This is why hot and cold food can't touch or it ruins the whole plate! This is why the same foods each time is good! It's why radiological accidents live forever in my head! Why Cookie Run Kingdom and Purrfect Apawcalypse and more are switching in my head forever.

I tell my sister that i might be autistic.

She says that i can't be. I was just a smart child.

I say "what child talks about cancer?" She says a smart one.

Eventually, it's brought up in conversation and laughed about. They have me take a BUZZFEED-ESCE QUIZ to "prove" im autistic. The quiz says i got autism. I get happy and they are surprised. I have to talk about boundaries now but its weird.

They CARE about my mental state. But i have low expectations for them. If you have low expectations, its hard to be disappointed. So i cry because this is new. Too many feelings and i cry.

IT TOOK OVER A DECADE TO NOTICE ANYTHING. AND I CRY BECAUSE I AM FINALLY LISTEN TO AND ITS WEIRD! WHAY IS IT WEIRD AND WHY CANT I TALK ABOUT MY FEELINGS AND BOUNDARIES?

And its because it never happened. Boundaries didn't exist and i was "too sensitive" so i had to get better. My mom told me ONCE as a JOKE to "stop crying or I'll never watch movies with you" when i was, at most, 10 years old. So i stopped and no one cared. I started my covering my mouth with my hands, then crying quietly, to silent tears, to not crying. Hell she was surprised that i don't cry at tearjerking scenes because she forgot what she told me. No one cared then so why should i believe it now? I want to but i cant. And it's really sad.

End of rant ig

[biblicalhorror]

This got me thinking about btvs and zodiac signs so just for funsies here are the official canon signs of btvs characters:

Buffy: Capricorn sun, Cancer moon (January 19, 1981)

Cordelia: Capricorn sun, Taurus moon (January 14, 1981)

Tara: Libra sun, Capricorn moon (October 16, 1980)

Xander: Aries or Taurus (half birthday in October)

And here's what I personally think everyone else's sun/moon is and my reasoning:

Willow: I've seen a lot of people say Willow's a Cancer, but I personally think she's either a Pisces or Aquarius. My guess is Aquarius with a Pisces moon (and potentially a Cancer mars)

Xander: as mentioned above, either Aries or Taurus. I personally could see arguments for either, but he strikes me as more of a fire sign than an earth sign, so I think Aries wins out. I'm going with Aries sun, Gemini moon.

Giles: I've seen SO many people say Giles is a Virgo. While I do get that energy from him, I'm gonna go against the grain here and say he's a Scorpio sun, Virgo moon and/or rising. He's just got too many secrets. Too much of a Tortured Past™️ to not be a Scorpio.

Faith: Also Scorpio, though I think she has to have at least a few major fire placements. Faith's whole vibe screams fire/water to me. I'd guess Scorpio sun, Aries moon.

Angel: Angel gives me the same vibes as every Cancer sun man I've ever met in my entire life, but hear me out: I think the version of Angel we meet is a man being tortured by his past and his emotions after being ensouled. If we use a "soul" as a metaphor for our inner self, aka our emotional self, that would make him a Cancer moon. Given the way he acts as a soulless vampire, I think he actually has more fire sign influence than most people give him credit for. I think Angel is actually a Leo sun, Cancer moon.

Oz: Oz is an enigma. He clearly seems like an air sign to me. I think he may also be an Aquarius sun, but with a Sagittarius moon. He's just too Unbothered to be anything else.

Anya: Very clearly a Sagittarius sun with some major earth placements. Blunt, humorous and abrasive but also vengeful and materialistic. I'd guess either a Taurus or Leo moon for her.

Dawn: Now THAT is a Cancer sun if I've ever seen one. No doubt in my mind. That is a girl that grew up with a birthday in July. Just look at her. I'd give her a Libra moon, I think. She can be selfish sometimes, but at the end of the day she just wants everyone to get along and I very much see her embodying the scales with her strong sense of justice.

Spike: I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but Spike is a Pisces sun. My first thought was Scorpio: he's jealous, moody, super emotional etc., but Spike is FAR too emotionally open to be a Scorpio. He lays it all out there, all the time, consistently. He wants so badly to be mysterious but he cannot help himself. He has to wear his heart on his sleeve 24/7 and that is just simply not Scorpio behavior. That paired with his tendency to rush into things and demand constant attention and stimulation leads me to award him with an Aries moon as well.

Let me know your thoughts!

Also apparently it was Cordelia's Canon birthday 5 days ago so happy belated queen