#It was nice to wake up for once and not see hate in my inbox

[carolmunson]

you keep me without chains | em.

this is a re-post of a ramble fic of me processing some stuff i've been through and am struggling with in my own healing. if you're familiar with my 'bad at feelings' series, it's in a similar vein of writing except eddie is incredibly soft and sweet to reader who is going through her own stuff. eddie sucks here, i don't think it's a correct characterization of him but it's just me using him as a placeholder.

originally, i didn't want to put this story in the tags because it's sad and explores the mindset of someone in a non-physically abusive relationship. however, since it is DV awareness month, i wanted to make sure to express that if there are people reading this who are struggling that they aren't alone and there are people there that understand and support them. and also that if there are younger readers reading (still eighteen plus!) who aren't sure if they are in an abusive relationship they are maybe able to get some context via fiction. my inbox is always open. DV Hotline US: 800-799-7233 DV Hotline UK: 0808 2000 247 tw: 18+ mindors dni, references to emotional and psychological abuse, minor threats of physical violence.

he left this morning with a kiss on your cheek and your lips, a nuzzle against your temple when you gave him two thermos's, one with hot black coffee and the other with the beef stew you made last night. hot hot hot. the way he likes it.

you made bread, so crisp on the outside, pillowy soft on the inside. he groaned when he popped it in his mouth at the dinner table, soaked in broth and butter. you warmed some in the oven when you put his lunch together, wrapping it in foil to trap the heat -- maybe it'll keep until his lunch hour. he might eat it all before his lunch hour. he never eats breakfast really.

you clean the counters and do the laundry while he's away. no kids to take care of, not yet at least. you mend his spare coveralls, treating the grease and oils stains, resewing his name tag stiched in red thread. you shine your mary janes and stilettos, shine his doc's just to be nice. you fix his patches on his vest from the last show he went to. you clean the stubble out of the sink in the bathroom.

he has the car so there's nowhere to go.

you shower, you do your hair, put make up on, go through the motions while he's not home. he hates to wait for you to do it but you hate looking tired when you're out and about. better to do it when he's busy doing something else.

next door neighbor is heading to the library, knocks on your door to see if you wanna come with. she just wants you to get out of the house for once, stop playing wife to a man who hasn't married you yet.

you hesistate, wanting to be home in time to make dinner, but you can't imagine the library taking too long so you go. she looks at you with a strained pity that you can't stand. he doesn't hit you, so why does she even look at you like that? he'd never do that. he just got back from all that shit with a few screws loose. he never knows what he means when he says it.

he's always sorry. y'know? he's always sorry. sorta.

doesn't hit you but you know how the day will go by the way he says good morning. by the way he wakes up with you -- or without you. know how the night will go by the way he breathes when he comes in through the storm door. by the cadence of his steps on the metal stairs. by the way the van pulls in.

sometimes things break and that's fine cause he just replaces them. he knows he shouldn't have thrown it, he knows he shouldn't have tossed it, he knows. he knows. that's why he gets it the very next day. new plates, new house phone, new coffee pot, new records, new casettes, new picture frames, new flower pots. he doesn't throw them at you. he's only punched the wall twice. he slams his head against it all the time. cause he knows he's not good. he knows. you go to the library and check out some books, laugh at your neighbors jokes, tell her about your weekend in the city visiting his friends. he held your hand in front of everyone and pulled you onto his lap, he joked with you and you laughed the whole time. you went to see a band play that you'd never heard of and he got you a t-shirt and the next morning you all went out for hot chocolate and breakfast and he kissed the whipped cream off your lips and ran his thumb over your engagement ring over and over. he never stopped calling you baby. so charming. so perfect. you don't know what you did to earn it, but you've been chasing it ever since. modeling that week's behavior into this one. tip toes through the tulips of the trailer. jagged. shell like.

you get home from the library and lunch, she even stops with you when you mention you have to go to the grocery store. out of eggs for meatloaf, needed some canned string beans for one of the sides.

it's the best dinner you've made in a while and the mashed potatoes are double whipped and extra buttery because he can never get enough of them. you know that it's little things like that. you love the smile he gets when you tell him you do some things just for him, so blushy and boyish.

'that's so nice, baby,' he gushes, 'thinkin'a me.' and god he gushes. cries when he can't contain it. saw you in a new dress and wiped his eyes. new hair cut sent him into orbit.

so pretty.

you're so beautiful, i don't deserve you.

you're gorgeous i -- i can't even like, think.

presents on your birthday. handwritten notes with tear drops washing over the ink in a wave, blurry letters blue and black, black and blue. he'd never hit you. too in love. too bursting with affection when he looks at you. too nervous when you look at him when he takes you out. when he plays a show. when he sees you get dressed into your pjs at night. you're so good to me. especially when you hold him through those nightmares. when you calm his anxiety, those deep breath panic attacks. the ones that the meds miss when he misses them. you're patient through the mood swings and he always says thank you. he always says it -- you're the only one that understands him. that sees him. sometimes you don't get it. that's what he says at least. you don't get it and that makes him upset. but you're not sure what there is to get. and you try not to get sad about it -- 'bout anything really 'cause you're not the one who got a few screws knocked loose. nothing bad like that happened to you. i mean, sure, maybe some bad things happened to you but not like the way bad things happened to him, right? you wouldn't get it. but he gets you, he tells you all the time. he gets you so well. symbiotic. the only person who knows you, the only person whose been in your skin -- right? at least that's what he says, and he's said it so long you can't help but believe it.

your eyes fall on the newly vased roses he bought you two days ago from the florist near the shop. bright red petals opened and fat, contrasting against the pea green of the walls. you smile at them while you pour gravy over each plate, extra on his mashed potatoes. he kissed you this morning, he was almost late leaving the house -- couldn't stop kissing you. couldn't stop looking at you with those brown eyes, sparkling with a mischief saved for tonight.

the van rolls in as you set the table, still in your outfit from earlier, the books you checked out on the counter need the flowers. the storm door opens off kilter, your throat constricts. you know by the way he doesn't say anything when he comes in the house. work boots kicked off with loud thumps. his jacket swishing with a thwap when he throws it with a grunt to the ground. something bad must've happened at work. 'hey honey,' you say quietly, 'got dinner for you.'

you know better, watching him turn the corner into the dinette, looking down at you from where he stands and you sit. you hold a mug full of orange juice on the table, fingers tapping on it silently while he holds his gaze. 'you goin' somewhere, dressed up like that?' he asks, there's nothing behind those sparkling eyes now. dulled out to hollow brown.

'no,' you shrug, you know how to coreograph your responses now -- still stepping on his toes sometimes, 'went to the library with gina, she just wanted a friend for some errands.'

'you know gina doesn't like me,' he nods, walking to the fridge to grab a beer, 'she doesn't like us together. she hates me.'

'she doesn't hate you, ed,' you assure, voice still calm, mediating, 'no one hates you.'

'your folks hate me, your sister hates me,' he nods, curls bouncing while he takes a swig, like it's normal conversation. so steady, 'you think they like that i got you ever here in this trailer park?'

'my parents don't ha--'

'they do.' and that's final. you don't argue. and he's right. your parents don't like him and that's why you don't call anymore, and they stopped calling you too. so did all your friends from back home.

'so what'd gina tell you about me today, then?' he presses.

'nothin'," you shrug, 'we didn't talk about you.'

'of course not,' he laughs but it's one that sends a chill under your skin, a laugh to not seem so mean when you know he's about to be, 'she was prob'ly tryna set you up with someone. that's why you got all dressed up right? anything to look good for other guys out there.'

's'cuse me?' 'you heard me,' he nods, voice still steady like nothing's wrong, 'that's why you wore all those tight jeans in the city last weekend, right? those dresses? tryna show off to harrington and the guys. don't act like i didn't notice.'

'what are you talking about? why didn't you say anything when we were there?' you heart rate quickens, you try not to get mad.

'i shouldn't have to. but that's how you are, y'know?' he shrugs, another swig, another chuckle, 'makin' dinner and everything, you must've been out there makin' eyes at everyone if you made my favorite.'

'i wasn't doing that,' you urge, voice raising, tears threatening to pool, 'i just made it cause you like it, cause it makes you happy.'

'so you just do anything to make sure i don't get mad? do you even know why you do stuff like this for me?' he asks.

'what are you even saying?' your voice raises again, a mild yell. you're frazzled now, heart racing, head already scrambled.

'don't yell, what're you -- fuck babe, see! this is why gina doesn't like me,' he grits through his teeth, 'cause you're always making a scene over nothing. you're over fuckin' reacting.'

'i --' your voice catches in your throat, quieting, 'i'm sorry? i'm sorry.'

'd'you even know what you're sorry for?' he nearly sneers, 'always sayin' your sorry over nothing. y'know somethin' babe, sorry loses it's meaning when you're sayin' it all the time. it doesn't mean anything from you anymore.'

you nod, losing your resilience, too confused about how quickly you got here -- and he's right. you're always apologizing but half the time you don't even know what you're apologizing for. just that you feel like you need to be sorry. like you need to say sorry.

he holds that stare on you like he's waiting for you to speak again. daring you to say something. you stare down at the wood grain of the table, blank and empty -- numb, even. the mug between your hands is warm from how hard you were gripping the ceramic to keep you grounded.

's'what i thought,' he nods, voice a low rumble while he makes his way to the bathroom.

he'd never hit you.

the slam of the bathroom door makes you flinch.

sometimes you wish he would. maybe it would hurt less than this. at least that physical pain fades, right? at least it wasn't the same dull ache on a bruise that won't go away. are you hemmorhaging? do you just not feel it yet? will it be too late when you do?

he slides into bed with you at night after spending the rest of the evening out back with the other couples and families that were smoking ribs, having a little fire out in the brush. he smells like cigarettes. you could hear his grizzly laugh through the windows while you laid in the dark of your bedroom. too tired after the way he spoke to you to do anything else. everyone's favorite mechanic loverboy in the park.

you feel his fingertips on your shoulder, one of them gliding down the slope of your arm. he presses his lips to your shoulder blade, your eyes shut -- blearing with tears from that dull ache.

'dinner was really good, baby,' he says softly, a whisper.

you try to get out a thank you but it becomes a choke, a sniffle, a gasp. then a cry and then a harder one, remembering how he rolled his eyes at you two weeks ago when you cried after he threw out the love letter you wrote him for your four year anniversary because 'you didn't mean any of that shit anyway'.

he sits up, shushing you softly while his hand smooths over your bicep.

'what is it, sweetheart?' he asks, 'are you mad at me?'

you shake your head no. looking up at him, lying flat on your back. he looks so handsome in the moonlight, concerned eyes and tilted head peering down at you. 'n-no, ed. m'not mad at y-you,' you push out, head still scrambled. you feel guilty about last weekend, about going out today. what if guys really were looking? you know you weren't looking at them but what if they got the wrong idea? gina doesn't know what she's talking about, she's always hated ed. ever since they were kids.

'you just havin' one of your moments?' he asks, soothing voice, 'yeah?' one of your moments. always just one of your moments. couldn't be him, you're just -- maybe you're over thinking it.

'yeah,' you nod, 'm'sorry i went out with gina, baby i -- she didn't say anything bad about you.'

'it's okay,' he smiles, 'm'not mad at you. never mad at my girl.'

'no?' you ask, swallowing hard -- your heart leaps. he's not mad. maybe he just had a rough day.

'no doll, m'never mad at you. you always think i'm mad at you,' he says, thumb brushing away the tears that threatened to roll down the sides of your face to your hair line, 'you need me to kiss it better?'

another sob rips through you, nodding, because you do. you need it. and you sort of hate that you need it. you hate yourself for needing it. but he kisses you and it does feel better. he knows how to kiss you just right, he always has. he knows just where to put his hands. just how to pull away and brush his nose against yours. how to kiss your forehead between affirmations. smooth and understanding, like a movie scene. his kisses are his apologies. his sorry. you accept it every time.

because he doesn't hit you and he never would. in the morning, when the bathroom door slams so hard the walls vibrate, you flinch.

[karizard-ao3]

Sex and sexuality is a prevalent theme in NGE, and especially in EoE. What are your thoughts about this?

I've been sitting on this one (and therefore the other asks in my inbox because I like to do them in order) for a few days to see if I could come up with a nice, coherent answer, but, as always, I can't so I must ramble instead.

One of the things I appreciate about the way sex/ sexuality is addressed in NGE/EoE is how messily and amorally it is portrayed, because I feel like that's very realistic. Clearly, it is important to apply morality to sex in practice (like, getting consent, respecting the sexual boundaries of your relationship(s), etc), but internally it's all a sloppy grey area, and sometimes people are going to do questionable things in moments of weakness (ex. try to hook up with an ex's bff who you don't even get along with because you're drunk and still upset about the breakup). And we see that a lot in Evangelion, as well as the characters' conflicting feelings about it.

For instance, Misato. Do I actually think she was attracted to Shinji? No. I think she cared about him very much as a guardian, but when she didn't know how to comfort him/ encourage him, she turned to offering sex. I read someone saying that she sees sex as a source of comfort due to sleeping with Kaji as a way to get over her father's death, which could be true, but I'm not sure that seems quite right to me. I believe she uses it as a tool in some ways. As an escape in others. And as a way to manufacture emotional connectedness in other instances. Sometimes all at once. And we see that she feels conflicted about it as well, because she's not sure if she loves Kaji or is using him. Then, Queen Daddy issues saw her ward in a bad spot and, with everything going to shit around them, she tries to use sex as a tool to motivate Shinji and also show him that she cares about him (even though it was so incredibly inappropriate 😭). Anyway, for Misato, sex is the cure to the hedgehog's dilemma, I suppose!

And then there's Shinji. The only time he seems able to make any kind of advance towards Asuka is when she is asleep, which I do not think is a sign that he is a predator but more an indicator of how deeply pervasive his inability to open himself up to other people is. It is *symbolic*. It's not okay what he did, but I think we are supposed to see it as a symptom of his own self loathing, and that he wants to reach out and touch people but is too afraid to make the move when they are able to perceive him doing it. Shinji masturbating to Asuka's exposed body at the hospital was obviously wrong, but it also seems like the summary of his relationship with her and the version of himself that exists through her. I'm trying to think how to describe it. i've written and deleted so many things. I don't know. Ugh. When she cannot see him, he can finally reveal how desperate he is for her to be with him. She is the one he seeks out when everything goes to shit, although if she were awake, I don't think he could have been so honest about how much he needed her. But she's in a coma so he is free to beg her to wake up, then, when her robe falls open... you know. It's like he's carrying out his half of a relationship in a bubble, without every offering her the chance to join him. And he hates himself for it, just like he hates himself for what he did in her hospital room. He knows masturbating to her unconscious body was wrong. He knows she is more than just jackoff fuel. He know she deserves to actually be held and loved. But he is immobilized by his fear of rejection and how others see him (and also so unbelievably horny because he's a teenage boy). The kiss between him and Asuka is really unfortunate because if either of them had just given the other any kind of indication that it was special to them in any way, I think things would have gone a lot differently. Shinji believes Asuka was just doing it because she was bored and mad about Kaji being out with Misato (right? Am I remembering the circumstances right?), and then, because Shinji just stood there, Asuka believes that Shinji only let her kiss him because she grabbed his nose and forced him, and not because of any affection for her. They were both too afraid to be honest. Maybe if Asuka had been more patient, Shinji would have closed the space and kissed her. Maybe if Shinji had held her, she wouldn't have run away after, screaming about it being a mistake. Maybe it wouldn't have gotten to the point where the hospital scene played out the way it did.

Which brings me to Asuka, who is the last one I will talk about because I think these three are the ones with the more convoluted attitudes towards sex and also this is already getting long. I think Asuka was really profoundly affected by her father finding and hooking up with another woman while her mother was ill (her mother's doctor, no less). I think it gave her the belief that a woman who is able to provide sex is a woman who will receive loyalty and love. She throws herself at Kaji, an adult who she feels safe with and wants the approval of, because, to her, that is the way to secure his affection. When we first meet her, she shows off how big her boobs got. Could that not be her way of announcing that she is lovable? But Kar, you might say, she freaks out about boys looking at her panties and things. To which I say: Yeah. She's 14. She's putting on a show, just like in everything else she does, trying to prove to everyone that she is worthwhile. Look how artlessly she comes on to both Shinji and Kaji. She wants to be seen as sexy and desirable because to her that's a means to an end, which is making sure people have a reason to want her around and notice her. What she really wants to be cherished. If Shinji had been able to show her that he reciprocated her interest/attraction, then I think there would have been a natural progression in their physical relationship. In closing, Asuka exists in a perpetual state of conflict because she demands love in whatever way she thinks the can obtain it, but she does not actually know what the love she needs looks like. I think if someone simply hugged her and stroked her hair and told her how brave she's been, she would sob for a day and a night.

Whew. And, of course, my thoughts might change after I finish my rewatch and eventually get my hands on the rebuild movies and rewatch in the future, but that's where I am on the subject right now. And I didn't even address Shinji and Kaworu. But, I think that whole thing is pretty straightforward. Kaworu pretty much ignores all of Shinji's reservations and showers him in praise and affection and Shinji goes all heart eyes because it's the first time he's felt wanted and he's bi.

[thoughtsforsoob]

Hiii!I hope that you're doing well!

Can you please write smth about Soobin taking care of you on your period + cuddles at the end?

He looks so soft and cuddly.I just want to squish him so badly.I just want him to hug me to sleep when I am dying due to cramps.

Have a nice day/night<3

a/n: hello anon! thank you for sending this request! im sorry it has taken me so long to get to you but here you go! please enjoy and as always, inbox is open!

soobie is always serious when it comes to your periods. he goes out of his way to make sure you're comfortable and have everything you want and need. he hates when you get embaressed to ask him for things like pads or even snakcs that you're craving because he wants you to feel comfrtable with him. he gives you a pouts when you hesitate to ask him for something and he finally makes you cave and ask for said thing. anyways...

last night, the two of you had a sleep over. soobin had came straight to you apartment after his schedules and you two spent some much needed time together. you watch movies, did face masks, made popcorn and cookies. all the goos stuff you two loved doing together. everything was fine and dandy until the next moring...

you had woken up before soobin and immediately, you knew something was off. your eyes go wide when you realize what's just happened to you. you pull up the blankets and discover evidence your suspicion. there was a small stain of blood on the sheets surrounding your lower half. you started to panic, hoping soobin wouldn't wake up and see the mess you've made. you were thinking he would be disgusted but in the back of your mind, you knew he wouldn't. he would understand.

you try to slip out of bed but obviously, soobin immediately notices what you;re doing and pulls you closer. poor baby was still tired and half asleep so he had no idea why you were trying to get out of bed. "soob? please? i have to go do something." you whine and gently place a kiss on his forehead. he groans and doesn;t let you go, only pulling you closer. "whats wrong hmm? what do you have to do that's more important than my cuddles." he pouts at you with that sleepy look in his eyes still. you think about lying to him but it wouldn't have worked. he would've seen right through you. so, you build up the courage to tell him straightforward. "soobie, i got my period. i kind stained my sheets a little too. it's okay if you wanna get out of bed now. im sorry. it's gross-" he cuts you off with a peck on your lips.

"you're so silly, baby. what do you mean 'gross'? you know i would never think that's gross. it happens. now lets go clean you up and throw these sheets in the wash. okay? im here. you can talk to me. depend on me." soobin smiled at you, his doughy cheeks forming his dimples. you almost reach over to take a bite of his cheek. "you're the sweetest, soob. thank you for not making me feel weird about this."

afterwards, he makes sure you get into a warm shower and let's you have some privacy while you shower. he goes back into the bedroom and takes off the sheet, taking it to your washer and throwing it inside, as well as a towel in the dryer for when you get out of the shower. he grabs a new set of sheets and puts them onto your bed. once he was done, you were finsiing up in the shower so he starts his plan to absolutely baby you the rest of the day. he grabs the warm towel from the dryer and goes to give it to you.

you were happy to see him passing you a warm towel and he even wraps you up and gets you dressed in some plush pjamas you loved. he laughed at the little sleep sheeps printed on them but you didn;t care, they were cute! he suprises you by picking you up off your feet and carrying you all the way back to your bed, that now had fresh sheets. he smiles when he sees the wide eyes you havve due to the changed sheets. "soobie, you did all this? i could've done it myself-" you were cut off by a shot of pain erupting in your tummy. you practiculy cave in and roll into a ball on the bed. soobin frowns, seeing the cramps begining to kick in. "ill be back bubbie. let me get you your pills for those horrible cramps. okay?" you nod up to him and he runs off, coming back in record time with water, your pills, and something to nibble on before and after your pill so you don't feel sick.

once you've taken your pills for the pain, soobin puts your water on the beside table and get's into bed behind you. he pulls you close into his chest and holds you tight. of couse, he also asks if it's okay you rub your belly a bit. "well, if you let me, my hands are kinda warm. maybe some tummy rubs can help?" he learned this from huening, of course, who would rub his hyungs tummy as a joke and when he needed some comfort. if you allow him, he put his big hands on your tummy and rubs away, gently.

overall, he works endlessly to assure your comfort, going to whatever lengths it takes to make sure you're happy and not in too much pain.

[lover-of-mine]

How are you doing? I noticed that you make a lot of anti bucktommy posts now and I was wondering if everything is alright?

I used to follow you but I couldn't handle the hate and the negativity anymore. But still think you have a great blog.

Do you think you'll be able to go back to the way things were before if Tommy isn't in season 8?

Okay, look, I add that tag to everything I make that mentions the relationship because I'm not talking about it as someone who likes it and I want to give people the chance to not see that if they enjoy bt and still want to follow me. I tag things for people to block the tag just as much as I do so that people can find them. Most of those posts are me responding to asks. According to jet black code only 10 of those aren't asks. You think I'm posting too much hate and negativity? You have no idea how much negativity I filter. I have over 300 asks in my inbox right now. Some days I wake up to people calling me a bitch, telling me I'm delusional, that I'm just an entitled white woman who's just mad I don't get to fetishize Buck and Eddie, that I should just stop being here at all with much more colorful language, that I'm homophobic, that I could never possibly begin to understand the complexities of the bt with my tiny woman brain. Then I will admit I go a bit overboard the negative comments about them. Because I don't believe the relationship is anything groundbreaking but I keep getting hate about it and I am petty. But I answer to a fraction of to the shit I get and I have blocked people because they take things too far while hating on Tommy. A lot of those lately are reporting on the chaos that's been created in the fandom. It's an aspect of the show and I tag as anti because I am not a shipper. And I like getting those because I'm being attacked for not shipping them since April and I'm not gonna lie, I was feeling like I was losing my mind, I like talking to the side of the fandom who are not impressed with him. If, when he goes away from the show, people stop calling me names I will happily never talk about him again. I still make my sets, I write my fics, I make my videos, I write my metas. But I am also someone people like to talk about the relationship because I don't ship it and I won't take that away because we have nice discussions. Will things ever go back to the way they were before this mess? Probably not. But it will cool off on both sides eventually once Tommy isn't around. You can blacklist the anti bucktommy tag. You can blacklist "i really need a tag for asks" that's my ask tags. You can just search on tumblr as whole "otp: you don't need to pretend with me" if you just want to see my buddie stuff and don't want to follow me anymore because apparently I'm the only blog on that tag. You can just follow the 911edit tag, I pop up around there a lot. Who knows what will happen once he's gone, but I have a tagging system and I'm staying on my lane, that's the best I can offer you right now.

[nihiltism]

regarding odio baja blast. u don’t understand I’m always thinking about this. with the ambiguous time travel incarnations thing would he know about baja blast? could he have tried it? after years and years of rigorous debate I’ve determined that he would never willingly try baja blast even given the opportunity cause it’s kind of tasty and nice and he only cares about Evil and Hate. So ultimately yeah I think it’d still kill him.

YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW FUNNY IT IS TO WAKE UP AT 6 AM AND SEE "regarding odio baja blast" IN YOUR INBOX. anyway I'm not sure if he would have tried baja blast either??? the way I see the timetravel incarnations is like ? I'm pretty sure they're distinctly different people who branched off (probably the original lord of dark's but really god knows what the hells up with that that's just An Allegory at this point)'s hate ??? and like odios Able to help/control ??? them like in his bit of the DoH but I don't think he controlled them through the acts of any of the chapters bc he sees them more as like. idk the I weep for you my brothers line goes for a lot. those r their own people I think. he just pities them a bunch. not explicitly them unless he's actively controlling them (which rejects any claims that odio would chase after carrots on sticks but still validates my claim that odio is technically guilty of cannibalism)

anyway I don't know if this would even matter in the long run because. hold on let me google something

ya. I tend to go with the thought that the present day chapter is 1994 so this would mean that the only odio incarnations to have been around for baja blast existing would be odeo and OD-10 who both are incapable of Drinking baja blast. I'm pretty sure. I'm sure at least one of the goopified souls in odeo has probably drank baja blast but I'm not sure if that'd do anything since god knows if those have Any impact in the way odeo behaves and I'm pretty sure the oppressive future government didn't think the taste of baja blast was important knowledge to hardcode into OD-10.

in conclusion: yeah he probably wouldnt have been given any opportunities to drink baja blast even if he Was fully in control of the other 7 incarnations which I do not think he is. and nowadays probably only drinks distressingly red evil potions from cursed chalices or something. maybe we could have saved oersted if we gave him a sippy of baja blast before he faced the horrors. or it could have just killed him on the spot. doomed by the narrative once more

[liminalmemories21]

Hi Lim 💖 5, 8, 20 and 25 please

5 - Who is the better navigator?

Ooh, yes. I have been waiting for someone to ask me this, because I have OPINIONS about it.

Okay, so here's the thing. The answer is neither one of them, or both. The problem is that they think about directions in entirely different ways. Carlos wants a map. He wants to look at a map and see the turns, and he gives directions like five steps out - we're going to turn right at the end of this street, go through two traffic lights and then turn left, and then go around the traffic circle and take the third exit. And TK's like, okay, I can only cope with one step at a time. Just tell me when I need to put the turn signal on, and change lanes. But also, do not start looking at the map again when I ask you if I need to take this exit.

TK, on the other hand, has an innate sense of direction. He's sort of a, squints at the sky and is like, it's sort of in that direction, if we take a left here we should be fine. And aggravatingly he's usually right, but sometimes he gets turned around because the roads curve, or they're one way, or dead end.

So, the upshot is if they're going some place they don't already know how to get to - they turn on google maps on someone's phone and let the nice lady give them directions. It has saved their relationship more than once.

8 - Who goes to bed first? Falls asleep first?

I think it used to be Carlos. He used to go to bed at around 11pm every night. Get his 7 hours of sleep, and then get up on time the next morning.

TK's always been more erratic in his sleep habits - blame it on fucked up sleep schedules from shifts at the firehouse, and the way sometimes he can't get his brain to stop spinning long enough to sleep.

Carlos used to try staying up with him, but it made him cranky in the morning. Then he tried just going to bed like he usually would, but he hates sleeping alone when he knows TK is there.

They compromise now - sometimes Carlos will just fall asleep on the couch, and when TK's ready to go to bed he'll wake Carlos up enough to nudge him in the right direction, and sometimes they'll go to bed, and Carlos will curl up against TK, and TK stays up later, reading or playing a game on his phone, just his bedside light on.

20 - Who does the grocery shopping the most?

I think they keep a running weekly menu plan on a shared google account and build a grocery list from there, and then whoever is going to be home on a Saturday (or however close they can get to a Saturday) does the grocery run. TK tends to come home with more 'hey I saw this thing and it looked cool' impulse purchases. Carlos tends to be the one who is willing to stop on his way home to pick up a vegetable to go with dinner, because he wants to get it fresh rather than have it sit in the fridge all week (this is particularly true when it's corn - because TK, no, you can't buy it on Monday and eat it on Wednesday, never mind, I know a guy who comes in from a farm west of the city every day and his corn is picked at 6am, I'll stop on my way home).

25 - Who has the better disappointed™ face that guilt traps the other?

Just answered now here

Tarlos inbox - who is more likely?

[lemotmo]

Just random, silly questions about you and the show:

1. On what format do you watch 911? Tv, computer, tablet, phone?

2. Do you have a ritual before sitting down and watching it? Get a glass of wine, tea? Put on your pjs, etc.?

3. Do you watch it with someone?

4. Do you check Tumblr prior to watching an episode? Do you mind spoilers or do you avoid them?

5. How often do you re-watch an episode that airs?

6. When you go back to re-watch an episode, do you ever skip to the Buddie scenes? 😝

7. Do you enjoy more drama based episodes or the fun and comedic?

8. What’s your immediate reaction to a cliffhanger? Frustration? Excitement?

9. When 911 ends, would you be interested in a 911 movie or should they leave it as is?

10. What would you consider to be a solid series finale? Where are the characters at in the end?

Oooh, these are nice.

I watch on my tablet, since I don't live in the US. I can only watch it a day later. I wake up every Friday and the first thing I do is download the episode, so I can watch it when I have time in between work.

Nope, I mostly watch it somewhere in the morning, so usually I just sit down on the couch with a coffee in hand and watch it. I do always take some tissues with me in case I have to cry. 😋

I watch alone. I hate it when people start talking when I'm watching a show or movie for the first time. So, I always watch alone.

Well, it depends. Last season I sometimes asked a mutual to drop a couple of spoilers about certain topics in my inbox for some of the episodes. I went spoiler free for the finale I think. All the previous seasons I just went on Tumblr first and then watched the episode fully spoiled. 😂 I'm planning on watching season 8 spoiler free though. I have some hopes for this season and I'd like to be surprised. 🤞🤞🤞

Well, I watch it in its entirety for the first time. Then afterwards, I watch again in pieces so I can write down my thoughts about it and post it on Tumblr. If it's a really good episode, I might rewatch it again during the weekend. But after that I'm focused on the next one. Once the entire season has aired, I usually do a complete rewatch.

Well yeah. Of course. Sometimes I do a Buddie only rewatch of the best Buddie episodes and skip to all the big Buddie moments. 😏

Depends on how my day has been or on my mood. I love comedy, but I also love drama. So, I don't really have a preference.

Complete excitement! I start theorising and analysing straight away as well. The further into the hiatus my frustration grows though, because of the 'not knowing', you know?

No, they should leave it as it is in my opinion. I don't want them to milk the concept and make it into something it isn't. So no movie for me, thanks.

Pfff, well: I'd love to see Bathena retired and happy. Both Athena and Bobby really need to let go of their jobs. Enough already. Let them truly enjoy their life together. I'd love for Henren to be happy with Denny and Mara, just living their life together, enjoying the little things. I would kill to see Hen as the new Captain of the 118, taking over from Bobby. Then Madney. They are finally in a good place. Let's keep them there. I would love for them to have another child. They could adopt and give that child the best life they could possibly have. As for Buddie... I want to see them happy together. Just them and Christopher. Maybe another child in the future, but not yet in the series finale. It might be implied though. I would love to see them married and settled, making each other happier than ever. They would live in a new house. After Buck sold his loft they lived in Eddie's house for a while, but with their plans to expand their family they eventually move out to a bigger house.

[allamericansbitch]

Hi Sarah, I probably should just unfollow you and keep curating my experience here, but you've been one of my fave blogs for years so I'm gonna try to explain it just in case it helps. The reason why I'm leaving and other people I know have left is because your blog is so draining... Obviously we don't know you personally or how you behave on a day-to-day basis, and it's not all your fault since 80% of your blog is usually asks of people complaining, but do you really not realize this? I remember that you said once during your hiatus that you were going to focus on enjoying things and getting rid of the negative vibes and stop responding to asks that only created drama. That felt so refreshing and good for you, but it keeps getting worse now. And if it feels this way to me and others, I can't imagine the weight that you must carry every day from the moment you log in... I'm telling you this because I don't consider you a toxic person and I think that you'd like to know if someone perceives you the same way as you perceive that one blog you hate (only in your case, it's the other way around) because to be fair the differences are not that huge... Obviously you're the opposite, but in terms of behaviour and perception as a whole, the vibes are there. I'm sorry if any of this has offended you, you're free to ignore it, keep feeding your anons and move on. I know it feels like an attack and that you losing one or two of your followers that you don't even know isn't gonna affect you at all, that's not the meaning behind this. I say this because I genuinely care as I know how toxic these apparently harmless environments can be to your own mental health. You are so much better and clever than that. Anyway, I wish the best for you, maybe I'll be able to follow you again some day. Good luck and please take care 💕

You know what. You’re right. Obviously you can unfollow me no matter what that’s your choice but I’m going to be honest, I am really tired.

I kind of have begun to dread looking at my inbox in the morning because of all the negativity and while I agree with a lot of it, it gets so repetitive. I have been trying to practice not answering the worst ones because my god are they bad and I’ve been doing a good job at just deleting them but there’s so many. I honestly just don’t want to not answer people, so many people have told me this is safe space for them and when they’re venting to me I feel like I have a responsibility to reply and have them feel heard, and I have thought about how it must feel to follow me and have to deal with all these asks.

It’s also really hard to get out of. Like every time something happens I get 20, 50, even 100+ asks about it and I feel like I have to respond. And that’s not even including the insane amount of troll asks I get, it’s exhausting. And I don’t wanna sound ungrateful, people have been so nice to me and appreciative. But for the past week or two, I’ve been wanting to just turn my inbox off because of how bad the troll asks have gotten and how I dread seeing more complaints first thing when I wake up but I’d feel so guilty taking the space away from people.

I feel the need to apologize but I don’t really know what for, the negativity I guess. I do not like what my blog has become to be honest. I think I’m gonna take the day and think about some stuff. Thank you for sending this in such a respectful, constructive way.

[thephantomcasebook]

Friendly Advice or Consultation is Welcome/Needed

I find myself preoccupied tonight with a conundrum of conscious that I'm conflicted on.

See, my old man is on the final level of hospice - fading fast - in fact, a few days ago it looked like he wasn't gonna make it ... which, funny enough, was also the same day that a bunch of psychopaths were going at me here, including that creepy weirdo who literally sends me hate in my inbox like once a month cause they claim "You're lying about the lore ... and I hope they expose you!"

God, fuck off loser, don't you have anything better to do today?

Either way, I love going to bed across the house from my dying dad, thinking I'm gonna be without a father for the rest of my life when I wake up, and my phone is blowing up, cause, some Blackcel galaxy brain can't google properly, and is stalking my blog cause I think the Velaryon's are overrated corporate trash.

Which, you know, it's the internet ...

Luckily I kept my old man breathing his final breaths to myself or I'm sure I was gonna get some fucking loser sending me messages about how they hope my old man dies ... Cause, it's the internet, and they think some mediocre, milk-toast, actress with made up pronouns who hates them are more important than common fucking decency.

But whatever ... Like I said, internet.

Anyway.

So for about six months the hospice care that Medicare is paying for - mostly - has assigned volunteers that come over once a week and spend time with the patients. I guess I can see their point, and I'm not against it in principle. However, I'm conflicted about this ... which is why I'm writing this rare personal post.

So the guy that has been coming over for months now is a really - REALLY - weird dude.

Let me preface.

I'm a trained Detective, I broke the curve for deductive reasoning at University aptitude test that had FBI and other Government Agencies trying to recruit me. The Austin Police Department offered to pay my college tuition if I committed to joining their police force after University, including requesting me to join specialized courses at the Central Headquarter downtown.

I've solved two - TWO - century old crimes - one of which was from using water irrigation records from 1898 - 1908 to exonerate an innocent man and his reputation nearly a century after he died a broken shell who everyone thought was crazy.

I'm not bragging, I'm prefacing this by saying that I'm a very good judge of people and situations.

And there was something incredibly wrong with the man that the Hospice care people sent over. When you meet him, when you talked to him, there is nothing - NOTHING - behind his eyes. He is nice, he is amiable, maybe a bit awkward, but he seemed an empty. And both my mom and I did not like him. I found him incredibly off putting and my mom found him so creepy that she didn't want him anywhere near her.

But it was part of the Hospice program, so we couldn't really say no.

Anyway, so this guy, he strikes up a friendship with my dad - who can barely see and needs a walker to get around. After only a few weeks, he starts staying way past the time allotted. The volunteers are only supposed to stay for two hours - at maximum. This guy started staying for five, six, and even seven hours once.

Now, I work at night straight through the morning ... it's what I've done for nearly a decade. So most of this stuff happens in the late-morning to mid-afternoon, while I'm asleep. So I can't police it all that much. Plus, I just don't like talking to that guy. But I've complained to my mom about it, cause, I don't like the idea of being asleep with that guy in my house alone with my crippled old man.

So, my mother has complained for months to the Hospice Care People about this guy overstaying his welcome. Even my dad was getting annoyed about his long overstaying. But nothing was ever done.

Well, it turns out that the reason that nothing was ever done was, because, his girlfriend is in charge of the volunteers. And, not only that, but he's not actually a part of the system. He's a 'off the books' volunteer that the Hospice Care approves of because his girlfriend is in charge.

So, I went to my mother and I put my foot down, saying "absolutely not" and that the guy has got to go. My mother agreed strongly and she tried to get him taken off my dad's schedule. Then, we've come to find out that he's not even really a volunteer. That he's a retired Postman that his tired girlfriend is basically pawning off on my dad (and me) to give him something to do. And last week, when he was here, we found out that he is moving out of girlfriend's house and that they're having relationship issues and he is in a bad place mentally and emotionally.

My mom, finally put her foot down and said no to the hospice care people. Under no circumstances is he allowed back in the house. Then, today, the guy called my dad, crying and upset, after being told that he wasn't allowed to come back. Apparently, his time with my old man is the only thing he's looking forward too anymore. And my dad reneged on my mom's orders to Hospice as long as he adhere's to the rules (my rules) about no more than two hour and not after 6 PM.

When my mom found out, she completely lost her shit - like full four-alarm freak out.

Now my old man is crying, cause he wants attention, cause, he feels he can't talk to anyone - which is his own fault for fucking up his relationship with me - and I got a potential nutjob that sets off so many red flags calling my dad crying cause his life is over. And my dad is blaming me, cause he says that I won't allow him to have friends, because, I'm strict about people visiting - that aren't family - getting two hours and then fucking off.

So, I don't know.

On one hand, I feel bad, cause the dude, despite looking and feeling very unhinged, has never done anything to warrant banning - other than staying way past the time that it is socially or personally acceptable. He's having a bad go of it in life right now, and he wants somewhere to go once a week. But I feel that it's not the place or position that a dying man with only months left should be put in. Also, I got a really, really, bad vibe from the guy the last time he was here.

I don't want to judge him, cause, I often deal with and judge people the way I would want to be judged, especially nerdy guys ... cause I'm a nerd myself - despite playing American Football for years - and I know what its like to be socially awkward and anxious.

But there is just something off about this guy ... and with his girlfriend trying to get rid of him so hard, and him being visibly disturbed, I just don't want him in my house anymore.

If you've made it this far down the post, I thank you for reading and would love any feedback or advice.

[blissfullyapillow]

Hi again Pillow! It's SleepyIntrovert here 😎

I've requested a matchup from you before and I really enjoyed it. I also saw that you will take matchups from the same person and we don't have to type it all out again so hallelujah!! Can I have another male romantic matchup but for honkai star rail this time? Two please! I love your work by the way

Thank you again! ♡

-SleepyIntrovert

𝐌𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡𝐮𝐩 𝐑𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐒𝐥𝐞𝐞𝐩𝐲𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐭

Notes: Hey SleepyIntrovert! It’s so nice to see you in my inbox again <3, lo and behold here are your matchups. Stop by my inbox again sometime soon !! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡

Blade header by @sillyakito on pinterest.

Masterlist

⛓⸝⸝‎♡‧₊˚

I match you with: Blade

⛓⸝⸝‎♡‧₊˚

He paid you no mind at first, and you were just another person he occasionally crossed paths with. 

Speaking of, it’s surprising you’ve crossed paths with him so many times and he didn’t dismiss you right off the bat. 

You two encountered paths so many times he decided to confront you with his blade ask if you had any business with him and why you kept running into each other. When it became clear it was merely coincidence, he sheathed his sword.

As a way of apology he treats you to a snack, meal, whatever of your choice. He didn’t say much, but for whatever reason he found your presence comforting, almost therapeutic. 

Going forward, he found himself approaching you more times than not and soon you two developed a friendship that later blossomed into a budding relationship. 

He appreciates how kind you can be, but he soon realized there’s a cheeky side to you that you don’t reveal until later on. 

He finds it to be cute, and he’ll begrudgingly indulge you when you get like that. He’ll let you drag him along to different stores, he’ll let you play with or even braid his hair, whatever. If you play around with him and tease him, he’ll act like he hates it but it melts his heart (what little remains of it).

You also became flirty once you developed an interest in him. One of his favorite memories is when he flirted back, and your expression was one of complete shock and surprise. 

You looked adorable. He wanted to see that look on your face again. Lucky for him (not so much for you), he’ll see it many more times to come. 

He appreciates the ear you lend on the rare late nights he’ll talk to you about things weighing on his mind. It’s not something he’s done in a long time, and honestly he’s pretty bad at it. You don’t tell him that though. You just hold his hand and remain a comforting presence for him through it all.

As annoying as your positivity can be it’s helped him see things in less of a.. Grim light. He still doesn’t like his immortality though, but it’s a bit more bearable if he gets to spend these wretched days with you. 

𓆩♡𓆪

“You need to wait.” “But it’s taking too longgg..” “It’ll only feel longer if you keep whining like this.” You pout at Blade’s statement, but you can’t deny the truth in his words.

So, you plop yourself down and cross your arms, before a yawn escapes your lips. Blade’s lips quirk upwards, just for a moment, before they return to a firm line. 

“You’re tired? I thought you said you were hungry a few moments ago. Multiple times.” Blade chuckles when your head whips in his direction, a glare on your pretty lips.

“I am hungry! I’m just tired of all this waiting you know? I mean, I understand you have to wait to get a table and all but.. man.. “ Another yawn escapes your lips, and Blade can only sigh in endearance. 

His arm lifts, and his hand gently pushes your head onto his shoulder. Your face flushes when his actions register in your mind. “Take a nap. I’ll wake you when our table’s ready.” You mumble a thanks as you drift off. 

Blade smiles softly at your sleeping figure that rests against his side. His fingers play with your hair. When it’s time to go to your table, he reluctantly wakes you up. 

Even though the wait was only ten minutes, you feel much more refreshed after your short nap. 

You press a thank you kiss to Blade’s cheek, and you admire the red hue that lights aflame his handsome features.

✧˖°꒰⑅:hearts: ⑅꒱ ·°

I match you with: Welt Yang

✧˖°꒰⑅:hearts: ⑅꒱ ·°

I’m saying this right off the bat, I really hope you don’t mind his age lolol (I'm sorry if you do </3)

You encounter Welt when he visits your homeworld during one of his trailblazing expeditions. 

Surprisingly, when you first met Welt he was able to catch glimpses of your goofy side. Maybe the circumstances were just right, but as you guided Welt back to where he needed to be you were quite entertaining along the way.

Of course you two ran into a few obstacles, and it all turned into a mini adventure. Welt enjoyed the chaos that occurred on his little journey with you, and all too soon you successfully escorted him to his destination.

Welt felt compelled to do you a favor in return for your kindness. He was pleasantly surprised when you agreed to meet him once more.

When you two met up again it was another day full of fun. Welt was able to return your kindness by giving you a small bouquet of flowers. A lady gave the bouquet to the two of you for free, as thanks for completing a commission for her. 

You were surprised when Welt promptly turned and handed the bouquet to you, saying it was a gift from him to you. He enjoyed your bashful reaction, and soon these fun filled days became a frequent occurrence between the two of you. 

Funny enough, Welt tends to be a bit more chaotic and relaxed around you. The other trailblazers were shocked when they finally met you and Welt was being blatantly silly with you. 

They’re always able to see another side to Welt whenever he’s around you. It makes for good teasing material; they tease him about it at random moments in time just catch him off guard. 

You have a lot of fun with Welt, but you also spend many quiet, serene nights with him. Speaking of, one night you introduced him to this cozy game you really enjoy playing. He got really invested, but thirty minutes in when you turned to him to gush about an aspect of the game you loved he was dozing off, head bobbing as he did his best to stay awake.

He fell asleep to the sweet, loving kisses you placed all over his face. His heart full and cheeks warm, he fell asleep beside you. When you woke up the next day, you found yourself resting upright in his arms. Turns out you fell asleep soon after.

Overall you two are really cute and fun together. You have your shared moments of mayhem and craziness, but you two also partake in equal amounts of soft, meaningful conversations with gentle words whispered into the tranquil quiet of the night.

₊˚⊹⋆ ♡ °˖➴

“The writing of this movie is quite..” Welt coughs into his fist, choosing not to finish his statement. “Atrocious?” You finish his thought for him. When he stiffly nods in reply, you burst into a fit of laughter.

Welt smiles to himself, his eyes drawn to you as you comically double over clutching your stomach. 

“Your reaction is more entertaining than the movie.” Welt muses. You laugh a bit harder at his words, just finding the whole situation funny. 

You both decided to watch a movie tonight, and you decided to pick the movie that had the worst and funniest reviews. Welt found no issue with this, and thirty minutes into the movie you both discovered the half star rating was true to its word.

“This is just getting ridiculous now.” Welt huffs. You immediately stop laughing as your heart lurches, thinking he’s talking about you. You slowly look up, only to see him squinting at the TV in annoyance as large blocks of small texts rapidly run down the screen. 

“The movie’s over already!?” You exclaim in surprise. Before Welt can say anything, the image abruptly cuts to a woman screaming as a poor costume of a ‘scary monster’ chases her down.

When you erupt into yet another fit of giggles Welt can only smile in your direction. 

He waits for you to catch your breath. When you finally do, you notice he’s paused the movie. “Come here.” Is all he says. You do so, scooching closer to him on the sofa, and his arm drapes across your shoulder. 

You smile and rest your head on him as he unpauses the movie. You feel something brush along the back of your hand. When you glance down, Welt’s fingers tease your hand yet again.

With a soft, warm smile, you intertwine your hand with his. 

The rest of the night is full of shared laughter and groans of disbelief. 

Your favorite part is when you spend the rest of the night cuddling on the sofa, hopping from show to show until you two eventually fall asleep from exhaustion.

You remember to gently take Welt’s glasses off his face before drifting off to sleep. The soft press of his lips against your temple is the last thing you feel before succumbing to your fatigue. 

Dedicated to,

♡˗ˏ✎*ೃ˚ :SleepyIntrovert: :;

[palettepainter]

damn dude. i hadnt seen the rowlf and teeth art yet, so with all the literal homophobic moral panic new age puritanical bitching from that other anon abt "ruined childhoods" i was sort of expecting like.. something spicy?? which would still have been fine, like. muppet porn is not my thing but people are allowed to express their thoughts through their art on their own damn blogs. so i half expected it to be steamy or risqué or even vaguely sexual from the way anon is flailing around, but nope nope not even an implication not a whiff of yiff, it's the cutest sweetest most G rated least offensive display of pure and wholesome affection ive ever seen, and the art itself is stunning in quality. perhaps anon should stop outsourcing the foundation of their personality onto the rest of the world and learn to curate their own experience online, instead of trying to control the thoughts, lives and expressions of others in a quest to reform the world into a special little homogenous space made especially just for them and nobody else. other people exist and some of us want to see the muppets kiss, because it ENRICHES our childhood memories.

anon, listen. if you dont want to see the muppets gay kiss? just.. unfollow the artist who drew gay kissing muppets. you have no right to tell people what they are and arent allowed to do with, draw images of or say about fictional characters from a tv series we ALL watched. you dont own the concept of muppets, buddy, and even if you did, not-for-profit fanworks are a legally protected form of art in most countries.

and gay romance is not sacrosanct!! if you think it is, you need to do some work killing the internalized homophobia that's clouding your view! you need to actively counter the homophobic misinformation you are regurgitating! and realize that you are not immune to being homophobic just because you are bisexual. gay people can be homophobic towards other gay people, and towards themselves. homophobia is a type of violence, and in the same way it doesn't matter who's behind the fist when youre getting punched in the face, it doesnt matter how you identify when you're claiming that a depiction of innocent gay affection is sacrosanct enough to be childhood-ruining. that shits homophobic. people who get bullied can, in fact, also bully other people. they aren't mutually exclusive concepts.

and besides, if a g rated image by an artist on tumblr can ruin your childhood memories of the characters.. was it ever really about the characters at all? did you ever actually give a shit about these characters if another person's—and I cannot stress this enough—HARMLESS and INOFFENSIVE interpretation of them in one single picture could ruin it for you? maybe you should reflect on that. and maybe you should go watch some jim henson muppet shows, i know they cover it in sesame street on multiple occasions that it's not okay to tell other people what to think or or how to play with their own toys, like it's repeated and explicit that you cannot control other people. in children, we call this behavior bratty. if a child wants their godzilla toy to have a tea party with their barbie, thats literally their right. yes, even in public where *gasp* other people will see it. and drawing is like creating your own 2D action figure. its not the original one on tv, its your personal version. telling an adult to stop drawing something and sharing it from their blog is literally a direct translation of telling a child they are playing with their toys wrong, ruining godzilla for you bc they want him to have a tea party with barbie, telling them they should only play with them the way YOU deem correct. so if you can't reconcile the way someone else is playing with their own toys in their own front yard, walk away and either go to your own house and play with your own toys or find someone else to play with. maybe you missed those very central and important parts of these shows, idk. maybe you're just too self centered to understand the lessons the muppets were trying to teach. either way, get the fuck over yourself and leave artists alone.

anyway my dear artist, i am so sorry for the behavior of that other anon, and i'm sorry if this message is way way way too long. you deserve only the highest praise, both for your work and for how you handled this whole debacle. you're an absolutely amazing mastercrafter, your skill is truly something to behold and that piece is so so precious and warms my heart and i would love to see more of ur muppet interpretations, i love you sm ok bye

I was fully expecting to wake up to an ask from that homophobic anon, if I've learnt anything from this hater it's that they're persistent. But this?? This is so fucking nice to see you have no idea!

I woke up this morning and saw I had new asks in my inbox, I was expecting hate, I was prepared for it, I was ready to make more jokes out of hateful comments. But to wake up to this?? Not just a few sentences, no a full-on paragraph that you took time out of your day to send in? It wasn't until I realised this wasn't hate did I realise how crazy it is that most days I wake up in the mornings expecting there to be hate in my ask box. This truly made me smile this morning and helped me remember that my online audience is overall a happy, supportive and kind group of people

Thank you so so much for sending in this ask - after waking up expecting hate reading this was such a nice surprise! It also helped remind me that not everyone who views my art isn't out to get me for whatever I choose to draw (this is really off topic but how did you write all this in one ask?? Whenever I've tried to send in lengthy asks to a blog it always say there's a character limit)

[elleaftermidnight]

OKAY so i picture college!iwa being in a frat so here you can have the typical “hookup at a college party” but your super soaker is just so good that it becomes a regular thing

OR

study buddies with college!iwa in which y’all fuck during exam season to relieve some stress

,,,bruh maybe combine the two where y’all are already study buddies but attend a frat party to relieve some stress. from there y’all get a lil too wasted to the point you guys hook up ;)

elle’s feeling thirsty. mdni. or else ‘m gonna bite you (unaffectionate).

note. hcs are for afab!reader

fuck/studybuddy!college iwa got me thinking some thoughts and i hate that I didn’t see this ask sooner bc now thoughts are being thunk :

the morning after your first hook up, iwa looks over at your sleeping figure and runs his hands all over your body -- just to convince himself that you were actually lying next to him. but he isn’t the gentlest in his touch, and you wake up just as his hand brushes against your nipples. you raise a brow and let out an exaggerated moan with a laugh. he chuckles and gives you a smirk, “wanna bet i can make that real?”

just like that, you become each other’s first call when you’re in need of some ‘stress relief’. he’ll simply walk into your dorm and push you up against the wall, large hands crawling beneath your shirt and grasping as your chest. you pull away and mumble against his lips, a string of saliva connecting the two of you, “not even a hello, hm?”

and all you have to do is straddle his waist and he’ll throw away whatever book he was reading. iwa will grab a hold of your hips and start grinding your clothed cunt against his crotch, peppering several kisses on your neck and along your jaw, “you won’t even remember what you’ve been stressing about after i'm through with you.”

studying with him is the best because he’ll be knuckle-deep in your sopping pussy but won’d move ‘em a single inch until you get the correct answers to your practice test. or eating you out, but his tongue purposefully avoiding your clit each time you get an answer incorrect.

cockwarming and moving your hips whenever iwa loses focus on whatever the hell was reviewing for. “not my fault your pussy’s clenching me too good.”

iwaizumi railing into you from behind the night before a big test, his pace so relentless that your face falls first into the pillows, “hope you could still walk...what a shame if i had to carry you to your classroom tomorrow.”

and all you could do is babble his name, tears streaming down your cheeks as you feel the tip of his dick kissing your cervix. until you feel your own cum leaking out your cunt and dripping down your thighs, “’m gonna ruin you once i find out when your next exam is.” / “looking forward to it.”

as someone in exam szn,, this seems nice ;-;

—  hq masterlist ; inbox is always open for thirsts / anons / char anons <3

[mypimpademia]

You know the episode of Spongebob when the Flying Dutchman said to Mr. Krabs: “If you had to choose between Spongebob and all the money I have in my pocket, which do you choose?” And Mr. Krabs was like: “That depends, how much money we talking?” I got this cute idea for when Class 1-A or 3-A are doing truth or dare and Mina/Nejire asks Y/N: “If you had to choose between all the boys in this room, which boy would you pick?”

Y/N: That depends, which boy are we talking about?

Mina: (Their crush’s name)

Y/N: I’ll take the boy! 🥺

I’d love head cannons of Shinsou, Sero, Tamaki, and Shoji (if you don’t write for him, you can do Bakugo) reacting to their crush just picking them with no hesitation and she’s just cuddling them or at least happy to be near them.

Shinso x f!reader, Sero x f!reader, Tamaki x f!reader, Bakugo x f!reader

TW: Swearing

Note: I love this concept, it's literally sooo cute. Sorry for just getting to it tho, this has been in my inbox since forever. Hope you enjoy tho💖 you're in the Bakusquad on sero and bakugos parts btw. I assumed fem reader bc you said she in the ask but if that's not what you wanted I can change it!

Taglist: @myhoodacademia @katsuflossy @minruko @ecao @nnnoya @hawklmaoo @wolfkid22 @mythiccheroacademia @myfandemons @lilsparkyswife @mindofess @kqtsukisgf @yuujisbby @angiebug101 @mads-fairy @solar3lunar @miashimaa @asaincy @silkylious @blackweebtrash @mitsumya

SHINSO.

"Well it depends on how much money and which boy... so which guy specifically?"

"Hmm... Shinso!"

Hitoshi had already been listening in before, but not paying too much mind to it

But now that his name was in the mix? He was all ears.

"I'll take Shinso!"

You said it with little to know hesitation, and it sent him into a different kind of frenzy he couldn't even describe

He's never gotten butterflies so bad until now

His face was every shade of red at once, and his eyes were widened as he looked at you

Usually Hitoshi would act as if he didn't care, but he hadn't even realized he was looking at you until you flashed a smile at him

He gulped down the lump in his throat and turned away from you

Of course... Hitoshi is usually smooth and chill so you were very confused

"You okay 'Toshi?"

You had your arms around his neck and your chest pressed to his back, and it definitely made it harder for him to calm down😭

He always had a crush on you

Just a "small" one a big one

It was always something he brushed off because 1. He didn't think you'd like him back and 2. He convinced himself he didn't come here for any kind of relationship

But, that crush kept growing and growing, and it's something that irritatingly loomed over him constantly, and my his heart flutter when you were around

But know??? Hitoshi might've fallen in love with you

He told you he was fine, despite being red enough to put Kirishima's hair to complete shame

You ended up staying next to him on the couch till it was time to go to bed, and the whole time he was just praying you couldn't hear him subtly trying to take deep breaths

SERO.

He was actually participating in the game of truth or dare Mina started

It was the Bakusquad game night anyways, and he didn't wanna be a party pooper since Bakugo had already fallen asleep

Not relevant, but Denki did draw on his face as a dare

When Mina asked you the question, his interest was definitely peaked

"Depends on which one of the boys we're talking about, if it's Bakugo I'd take the money."

Everyone stifled a laugh to keep Bakugo from waking up

"Umm... Sero! Between the money and Sero."

He was surprised to hear his name, but he was even more surprised when you gave your answer with no hesitation

"Well obviously I'd take Hanta!"

You basically flung yourself onto him as you said it

Hanta started blushing instantaneously, but did pull you closer after the initial shock

"I'd choose you too, amor."

Hantas face was dusted red for the rest of the night, and he acted like he brushed it off but it was definitely at the back of his head for a good ass minute

TAMAKI.

Amajiki was sitting out of the game you, Nejire, and Mirio were having

Sitting quietly as you all did your dares and said your truths

But once Nejire threw a question involving a guy in, his ears were more perked than usual

"Hmmm... well money is nice... but it depends on which guy too."

"Hmm Tamaki!"

Amajiki gulped just barely audibly, and instantly broke out into a cold sweat

He's liked you for awhile, but he wasn't hopeful in your feelings towards him

So of course, he expected you to choose the money

But he was pleasantly surprised by your answer

"I'd take Ama'!"

You looked at him and flashed a bright smile

Something in him malfunctioned and he let out some kind of conflicted noise before his face went cherry red all the way to the pointed tips of his ears

He covered his face with his hands and turned away from you, but it was hard to ignore you when you were right next to him

Nejire and Mirio laughed and teased him, while you rested a hand on his back to calm him down

He was flustered beyond comprehension for the rest of the night, especially with the wa you were always around him to see if he was okay (he was so red, you started to think that boy was sick)

But he absolutely did not mind you being around... his mind was just a little busted up from earlier

But eventually, you did fall asleep on his shoulder, and you'd think he malfunction all over again, but there was something so peaceful about seeing you all relaxed, especially relaxed enough to fall asleep around him

Amajiki basically melted right there, and even fell asleep awhile after

But you best believe he freaked out the next morning when it hit him that you fell asleep on each other!!

BAKUGO.

Katsuki was sitting frustrated on Minas bed as the rest of you sat on the floor and on bean bags

He wanted to be in bed by now, but it was Bakusquad game night

Normally, he would've gone to sleep anyways, and he did till you came busting in through his door, dragging him out of bed

And he really couldn't say no to you either

Hes liked you for a little while now, and you had this hold on him that he both hated and loved

Katsuki wasn't really invested in the conversation or game, but once guys came into the question he couldn't help but at least listen

"Alright Y/n, between all the money I've got on me right now and a boy, which would you choose?"

"A boy? Which boy?"

"Hmmm... Bakugo!"

He was surprised to hear his name, and it actually made him kind of nervous

His palms started sweating and he wiped them on his joggers to keep them from triggering and explosion

"I'd take Katsu!"

Katsuki really didn't know if it was the fact that you chose him or the nickname that hit him harder

Either way, there were no complaints

But you weren't allowed to know that, so when you latched onto him, he shrugged you off

"Get the hell off me dumbass"

But you just continued latching onto his arm

He scoffed at you as usual, but none of you missed that lil smile on his face

But you value your lives so you said nothing

[teddy-yandere]

Yandere Obanai Iguro Headcanons

⚠️WARNING⚠️ will contain dark themes

A/N = Feel free to request any characters you want. I write for many different fandoms , all you have to do is scroll to the bottom of this post and pick what fandom and character you want me to write for and send me a request. My inbox is always open so feel free to chat with me!! <3

* .:｡✧*ﾟ ﾟ･ ✧.｡. * * .:｡✧*ﾟ ﾟ･ ✧.｡. * . *.:｡✧ *ﾟ ﾟ･ ✧.｡. *.

• Okay so before we get started on these headcanons I just want to apologize if I in anyway mis - characterized Obanai in this post. This is just my honest opinion on how I would view him as a Yandere. Now that that is out of the way let’s get this thing started.

• For starts Obanai is a very complex Yandere to deal with. One wrong move and you loves ones and freedom are done for. Whenever you are around you have to act very cautious.

• Obanai was probably attracted to you in the first place because he views you as kind and pure. In his eyes he was not worthy of you and your affections. You were the first person to ever call him pretty . Aww.

• Iguro can be very territorial at times, almost like a snake. He wants you to himself and hates to see you talk and socialize with anyone other than him. He is also extremely protective of you. If you were a member of the Demon Slayer Corps he will probably force you to drop out. If you were a normal civilian then he would practically force you to never go out at night without him right there holding your hand.

• Obanai actively craves your love and affection. Every time he is apart from you all he can think about is you holding his hand.

• He is also a big time stalker. Because of his shallow personality he is able to go unnoticed by most people. He can quietly stalk you while you walk home just to make sure you get home safe and sound. Speaking on him watching you walk home , if anyone were to ever make you feel uncomfortable or in danger , Obanai to the rescue. He will probably scare the weirdo off and take your hand to walk you to your house while scolding you not to be out this late at night.

• If you start to question him why he was in the district in the first place , he will just say that he had just finished a mission not to long ago and was looking for a place to eat and sleep for the time being.

• Feeling grateful for him just saving you from a uncomfortable situation , you invite him to your house and cook him dinner and let him rest in the couch until he needs to leave. You even give his pet snake some of the leftovers if the night.

• Later that night , you wake up and find a figure at the end of the room that kinda resembles a human figure. You shrug it off and think your brain is playing tricks on you. Little did you know that it was Iguro watching over your peaceful body as you slept peacefully.

• Iguro will most likely kidnap you to keep you for himself. He will also want to protect you from this dangerous and filthy world that you all live in . In his eyes the only way that you can be safe is with him and him only.

• Just please don’t hate him when he does kidnap. Because Obanai isn’t cruel, he will probably knock you out in the painless way possible. He doesn’t want his darling to suffer at his hands.

• Once you are in his possession, he will treat you kindly and you will grow to love and care for him deeply. He really does want to marry you and have a family. He is completely fine with adopting a couple of kids. Obanai doesn’t mind if you don’t want kids . He is perfectly fine with it just being the two of you together forever .

* .:｡✧*ﾟ ﾟ･ ✧.｡. * * .:｡✧*ﾟ ﾟ･ ✧.｡. * . *.:｡✧ *ﾟ ﾟ･ ✧.｡. *.

Thanks for reading Darling !! <3

Feel free to request any character you want. I write for all genders. If you don’t tell me what gender you want then I will just make it gender nuetural. I write for many different fandoms such as:

• Demon Slayer

• Haikyuu

• Attack on Titan

• My Hero Acedemia

• Jujitsu Kaisan

• Death Note

Have a nice Day / Night ~

[clouds-rambles]

Hi i really enjoyed your recent venti one shot with the misunderstanding is it alright if I request it with Zhongli please? Congrats on 100 followers bestie 😨

Of course bestie I’m glad that you’re enjoyed it! And tysm I cannot comprehend how I’ve gotten so many followers so fast like hi everyone.

I’m reopening my inbox soon! <3

YEAH I JUST CASUALLY WROTE 1K WORDS FOR THIS LOOK AT ME GO

Pairings; Zhongli x reader

Warning(s); jealousy, hurt/comfort ig

Keep reading under the cut

“What’s the plan for today dearest?” Zhongli asks as he takes a sip of his tea, you smile at your spouse

“Childe is helping me with my commissions today” you lie easily, Zhongli doesn’t pick up on that lie “You really shouldn’t have made friends with him, he keeps pestering me for a fight” you huff putting down the newspaper that you were reading

“Are you going to take him up on the offer” Zhongli asks as he takes your now discarded newspaper to read for himself

“I have a reputation to uphold my love, I can’t just go round beating up Fatui Harbingers” you respond mostly in jest “Maybe if he annoys me enough I’ll give him a taste of his own medicine” you tell your spouse as you stand.

You give Zhongli a kiss before you pick up your bag “Wamnin Resturant at 5, the fatui is paying” you tell the man as you open the front door “Love you, bye”

Zhongli bids you goodbye despite you already being out the door as he continues reading the newspaper before going about to start his day.

The week rolls past and you’ve been spending many of your days with Childe. You had only spend one of the seven days with him. And despite the fact Zhongli is more than used to seeing you gone for weeks at a time when you’re travelling, but usually when you spend time at home you spend most of it with him or running the occasional commission.

Zhongli doesn’t need to reassure himself about your relationship, you married eachother for pity’s sake. If there wasn’t sufficient trust Zhongli would have never got married to you.

Though the ex-archon cannot shake the pit in his stomach that you’re avoiding him for some reason. Over the last week you have come home more exhausted  than he has seen you in a while. Yet you still sleep in the same bed as him. If something was happening you surely wouldn’t torment him by sleeping in the same bed as him right?

Zhongli voices his concerns to Hu Tao who just laughs at him and tells him not to worry about a thing. Hu Tao knows something...

Yet no matter how much he tries to pry the damned director refuses to tell him why he shouldn’t worry. Zhongli returns home from his shift a little grouchy and when you try to push him on the matter Zhongli confronts you on it.

“[name], my dear, I have to ask why I haven’t seen much of you over this week” he asks trying to hide his tinge of jealousy. You smile at him and give him a kiss.

“Hey, you don’t need to worry your pretty face about it, it’ll come clean soon” you tell him with a grin. Zhongli wants to argue that he is in fact worrying his pretty little face because he’s out of the loop and he very much dislikes being out of the loop. But Zhongli knows that once you’ve made up your mind on telling him or not telling him something you won’t budge. He admires that about you and in that regard you’re much like him. Two immovable mountains that rarely but heads. But to be honest, as immovable as his mountain be he caves to you far too often, you’re just too lovable not to.

Another four days pass with you hanging about Childe. Zhongli feels like he very much hates the harbinger for stealing you for a week and a half. That’s a week and a half closer to your next exhibition. As much as Zhongli doesn’t want to damper your explorative spirit he truly misses you when you’re gone. If it weren’t for his informal contractual obligation to keep an eye on Liyue, Zhongli would accompany you on every exhibition.

“Morning love” you greet as he wakes up. It’s not often that you wake up before him. 

“How long have you been awake for?” Zhongli asks groggily, you smile and kiss his nose

“Long enough to know that you look positively adorable when your sleeping” you confess with a giggle. Zhongli smiles at you

“You’re lucky I love you” he jests hugging you “What’s you itinerary for the day my dear?” he asks into your neck . 

“You’re going to accompany me today” you reply. Zhongli pulls back with a quirk of his brow “Now get ready, we’ve got a schedule today” you tell him giving him another kiss and getting out of bed

Curious Zhongli gets himself dressed and meets you at the front door where you have already collected everything necessary for the day ahead of you. And as soon as Zhongli is ready you lead your spouse through the harbour hand in hand.

Much of the morning is spent at the tea house where the two of you eat a large brunch. Zhongli mentions in passing of wanting to go to a shop for something nice and you go and visit it before morving sw

“Afternoon Tartaglia” you greet the harbinger as he waves you over

“Afternoon Zhongli, [name]. Right on schedule I see” he grins leading the two of you to the bottom of the harbour and onto a boat where there’s a handful of workers and a handful more friends. Childe joins the group of people who all watch the two of you.

“What’s happening?” Zhongli asks you with a tilt of his head. You only smile at him and take his hands

“Well Zhongli, my husband” you tell him looking up into his eyes “We have been together for what feels like forever” you start pausing to look at Childe who gives you a thumbs up “And the reality is that the two of us took our vows to each other 5 years ago to the day” you continue smiling at your husband “And I know I was away for last years anniversary so this year I’m making double the effort to make up for it”

Zhongli stares at you then to his friends, then at the boat around him that has has started to move around Liyue before he meets your gaze again. In all his years he has never been at such a loss for words. Tears collect at the corner of the ex-archons eyes

“I’m speechless” he says before smiling at you and moving his hand to your cheek “I love you so much”  he confesses kissing your forehead

“Well folks with that I think we can get this party started” Childe announces with a clap of his hands. There’s a commotion at the top of the boat where a band starts playing some orchestral music and everyone begins mingling.

While Zhongli speaks to the traveller and Paimon he can’t help but notice you thanking Childe and embracing him tightly. Zhongli thinks to himself how ridiculous he was to be so jealous of the time you were spending with the fatui when in reality you were doing so much work for him.

Archons above he loves you.

--

Cloud makes a return of Zhongli being cute and married <3

[ticketstomydaydreams]

5:3666

(All We Have: Part Two)

Part One

Colson x Female Reader

Summary: You and Colson fall into a night time studio routine when he starts keeping you company through your insomnia and you decide to work though some past demons

Word count: 3,200 (ish, I lost count editing)

Feels: Fluff with a dash of past trauma

Warnings: Drug & alcohol consumption, domestic violence, cursing, Colson being so sweet it almost makes your teeth hurt

Companion playlist:

Machine Gun Kelly - 5:3666

Warren Zevon - I'll Sleep When I'm Dead

The Vamps - All Night

Halsey - You Should Be Sad

A/N: If you've been affected by anything in this story, please know you're not alone. My inbox is always open and I'm all ears 🖤

______

During the first couple of weeks of moving in, you’d been partying A LOT. The guys wanted to show you just how mad it got, breaking you into their chaotic household, blending the days together. Everyone was hyper and the house was buzzing with energy. You'd been so exhausted from all of it that you'd been all but passing out each night, but you couldn’t lie, it was great fun.

You’d tried to pass on a few nights but Colson would never hear of it, often forcing you out of your room to get involved as the house was filled with people, jam sessions taking place in between drinking games. It was a far cry from your usual homelife, your last housemate mainly kept to themselves so your place was normally pretty chilled. Colson had used your place as a quiet escape over the years, but it seemed you wouldn’t have the same set up extended to you here with this lot.

With the pandemic unfolding, the house had started getting quieter, less people in and out every night and everyone was settling into a lazier way of life. The gang were mooching around the house throughout the day and while the house was still lively at night, it wasn’t quite the party central you’d almost started getting used to. Your normal working routine went out the window as everyone had started working from home mainly and without your daily routine, followed by nights out partying, your insomnia was back with full force.

______

You were lying in your bed, trying to force sleep on yourself but after trying to nod off for a couple of hours, you accepted defeat and got back up. Throwing some sweats on and one of Colson’s huge hoodies (you’d been slowly sneaking them out of his closet, finding that the masses of material drowning your small frame were super comforting), you headed down to the kitchen, turned the stove on and filled the kettle up. You were scrolling through your phone when you heard footsteps on the tiled floor. Colson strolled into the kitchen looking disheveled in a white tank top and boxer shorts, hair ruffled and looking sleepy

“Dude, it’s 3am how come you’re up?”

“Couldn’t sleep, living that oh so fun insomnia life again” you sighed “Did I wake you?”

“Nah, I was already awake. Couldn’t sleep either and heard someone moving about so thought I’d come down” He replied, climbing onto one of the breakfast stools

“Yeah, I think it’s not having much of a routine. Hate lying in bed staring at the ceiling so just got up. You want a cup?” you offered, pointing to the chamomile tea you were brewing

“Sure, thanks” he says, taking the steaming mug from you

You sit down at the breakfast bar with him and start chatting, scrolling through instagram as you do. After about an hour, as you’re talking about an article you’re reading, you notice Colson doesn’t respond and you look to your right and see he’s fallen asleep, leaning on his hand, his mouth slightly ajar.

“Hey, sleeping beauty” you whisper, rubbing his back with your hand “Go to bed”

He slightly jolts at your touch, opening his eyes “Nah man, I’m keeping you company”

“Some company” you laugh softly “pretty sure you just slept through all my rambling there”

He leans against your shoulder, closing his eyes again “Hey, at least you’re not sitting here alone. That’s something right?”

“That’s true” you smile, leaning your head against his “You’re very appreciated, do you know that”

You gently push him upright and stand up “Come on, let’s go to bed. I’m pretty tired myself, so you’ve definitely helped”

He’s laid his head down on his arm on the counter, his breathing getting heavy immediately so you pull his other hand making him stand up. He stands up and puts his arm around your shoulder as you walk towards the stairs, your legs feeling heavy as you climb each step, carrying some of Colson’s weight as he sleepily walks with you

Once you’re standing outside your bedroom doors, he pulls you in for a hug

“Night kid, don’t be wandering around bored if you can’t sleep yeah? Just come get me. Nothing worse than sitting up alone at night…”

“Will do. Thanks Col” You squeeze him a bit tighter as he kisses the top of your head

“Night” you smile, as he let’s you go and turns and heads into his room, waving his hand up behind him

Undressing and crawling into bed, your eyes feel heavy as your head hits the pillow. Colson was right, insomnia was a much less lonely experience with a friend.

______

Of course, as is always the way after your sleepless nights, you sleep in super late the following day meaning the cycle continues and you find yourself wide awake as the witching hour approaches. Feeling restless in your bedroom, you get up, and decide to head downstairs and out into the studio because you figure you might as well put this time to good use. You settle into a chair with your acoustic guitar and started playing, stopping and starting as you figure out a melody, working your latest lyrics in with it

“I wanna start this out and say, I gotta get it off my chest. Got no anger, got no malice…”

“I thought I told you to come get me if you couldn’t sleep”

You almost drop your guitar as you hear Colson’s voice behind you, “Jesus, how are you such an enormous human but you still manage to creep up on me all the time?”

“Just a stealthy motherfucker I guess” He laughs, flopping into the chair next to you

“Whatcha working on? That sounded sweet, keep playing…”

Colson knows you sometimes get a bit self-conscious with people watching you sing, so he lights his joint, rests his head on his hand and closes his eyes. You smile as you see what he's doing, thankful he always understands what you're like.

You turn back to your notepad, reading over your lyric outline quickly before repositioning the guitar in your lap and resetting the metronome

___

‘I wanna start this out and say, I gotta get it off my chest

Got no anger, got no malice, Just a little bit of regret

No, nobody else will tell you, so there's some things I gotta say

Gonna jot it down and then get it out and then I'll be on my way

No, you're not half the man you think that you are

And you can't fill the hole inside of you with money, drugs, and cars

I'm so glad I never ever had a baby with you

'Cause you can't love nothing unless there's something in it for you

Oh, I feel so sorry, I feel so sad

I tried to help you, it just made you mad

And I had no warning about who you are

I'm just glad I made it out without breaking down

And then ran so fuckin' far, that you would never ever touch me again

Won't see your alligator tears

'Cause, no, I've had enough of them’

___

“Man, that was beautiful Y/N. I got some chills right there…You just wrote that?”

“Nah, it’s something I dug up from ‘back then’. Been going through some old lyrics and samples while we’ve got all this time on our hands. It’s kinda cathartic to go over some of that stuff now there’s a bit more distance you know”

______

A couple of years ago, you’d been stuck in a really toxic relationship with your ex, Stevie. Your time with him had been a tornado of arguments, drugs and the constant heartache of him cheating on you. Every time you’d get close to having the strength to leave, you’d always cave in and the mess would continue with you losing a bit of yourself each time you stayed. You’d become pretty used to his violent outbursts, he had always been controlling and short tempered, often pushing you and throwing stuff around your apartment. Despite his own frequent infidelity, he flew into a jealous rage with you constantly.

He’d always hated Colson, despite him being one of your best friends, and while he’d play nice to his face you’d always get it in the neck once you were alone about how you and Colson were ‘too close’ and he ‘didn’t trust him’. Before that final night you’d spent with him, things had been pretty good with the two of you for a few weeks, there hadn’t been much drama and so you hadn’t thought too much of inviting him out with you and the gang for a night out clubbing. Your good run had clearly come to an end, when you felt his hand grab your arm tightly and drag you off the dancefloor where you’d been dancing with Colson. You’d been bundled into an uber so quickly, you hadn’t even managed to get your handbag from inside. You saw Colson running out of the club, followed by Rook and Slim who was holding your bag, as the cab pulled away.

Once you were back at the apartment, he flew into a rage. You’d never seen him this bad before, his eyes were dark and when you tried to argue back, calling his jealousy ‘pathetic’ he snapped. He’d grabbed you by the throat and slammed you against the wall, “Don’t you ever disrespect me like that again” he’d spat in your face, before striking you so hard with his fist that the skin across your cheek split open. It was as if his actions had knocked him back to reality, he’d let go of you and you ran to your bedroom, locked the door behind you and started packing a bag. He hammered on the door, begging you to open it and you could hear that he was crying. You looked around for your phone before you remembered you’d left it at the club. Desperate to get away, you opened your laptop and brought up instagram, managing to send Colson a message asking him to send you an uber to his house straight away. You’d thrown your laptop and a few more bits in your bag, the battery dying before you had a chance to wait for a reply, before pulling the bedroom door open and barging past Stevie. He’d tried to grab you, but you’d finally had enough “Never fucking touch me again” you spat, pushing him off you. The hatred in your voice rooted him to the spot and he said nothing as you walked out, the door slamming behind you.

Once you were outside the apartment building, the reality of what had just happened and the situation you were in started to wash over you. You had no phone, no wallet, your laptop was dead. Just as you were starting to seriously panic, an uber pulled up and Colson had leapt out of the backseat. You’d been in total shock and had just let Colson guide you into the cab and then out into his house, up to his room. He didn’t say anything as he led you to his bathroom and lifted you up onto the counter. He grabbed a flannel and soaked it with warm water, rinsing it out before pressing it softly against the cut on your cheek, gently wiping away the blood that had mixed with your mascara laced tears. The tenderness of his actions was almost too much and you started to sob again.

“Hey, hey. Y/N, look at me” he said softly, lifting your chin so you looked at him, his blue eyes misty themselves “It’s okay, you’re safe here. Don’t move, I’ll be back in a sec”

He left the bathroom and returned with a pair of boxers and a t-shirt. Putting them on the counter next to you, he crouched down and undid the straps on your heels, slipping them off your feet and then helping you down from the counter. “I’ll leave you to change”

When you came out of the bathroom, Colson was lying in his bed “Come here” he said, holding his arm and beckoning into his side. You crawled under the covers next to him and snuggled into him, his long arms wrapping around you.

“Col…” you said quietly

“Yeah?” he whispered back, stroking your hair off your forehead

“Thank you…”

“You don’t need to thank me. I’ve always got you Y/N”

______

“I hated that fucking guy. That night...I wanted to kill him after what he’d done to you”

You see him tense up at the memory and you lean over and squeeze his knee “You’re such an amazing friend, do you know that. I don’t know what I would’ve done that night without you”

"You're a fucking warrior Y/N, you'd have handled your shit. I was just happy you trusted me enough to let me be there for you. You deserve so much better than that" he says, covering the hand you'd placed on his knee with his, staring you in the eyes and returning the smile that's crept across your face

"You know there's been a few punches I've wanted to dole out on behalf of you over the years, but you've never let me" you tell him

"Too right I'd never let you. I never want you in the drama, you're too good for getting caught up in that shit" he replies, pointing at you with mock sternness

"Hey" he says, seeing your expression wash over with a tint of sadness "At least the sleepless nights aren't what they were then…

… If we're gonna work through some old demons this lockdown, I'm sure I've got some songs and lyrics that have never seen the light of day" He reaches over the desk and pulls his laptop towards him "You've inspired me… "

"Oh no, are we gonna fuck our heads up with this?" you joke nervously, worrying that Colson's going to delve into something that's going to upset him

"Nah, I got you covered and you got me, right?"

"True dat" you say, as he holds his fist out so you can fistbump, his eyes now focused on his laptop screen

______

You felt kinda bad, having kept Colson up all night with you the last two nights, especially as you'd got him reminiscing about some tough memories, so tonight you tried to sneak past his room when your restlessness got the better of you.

"Nice try kid!" Colson says as he throws his bedroom door open, causing you to yelp in fright. standing there topless with his sweatpants hung low in his hips, he lights the joint hanging from his mouth "I told you we were in this together now"

"I felt bad, making you stay up with me"

"You didn't make me do shit…Wait a sec, let me find a hoodie. If I have any left in here…" he says, giving a pointed look towards the huge blue hoodie you were wrapped in before walking back into his room and rummaging through his drawers

"Oh shush, you have like a hundred…"

"Right come on" he says, pulling a pink hoodie over his head and flipping the hood up over his messy hair "Let's see what we get into tonight…"

______

And so the nights went on like this, the two of you falling into an easygoing studio routine. If there wasn't anything else going on in the house, you'd eat dinner together then head to the studio and work through the night into the small hours, skipping out the pretense of trying to sleep. You were both pretty productive at this time it seemed, both being proclaimed night owls, and keeping busy during these uncertain times was keeping your minds off the unfolding pandemic.

Considering he’d referred to his home studio in the past as the ‘rage cage’ (and it certainly could still be party central when the entire crew got involved), it was actually a place you drifted towards to relax these days. You’d always worked well together in a studio, but over the weeks spending so much time just the two of you, you became more in tune with each other, noticing when one of you had hit a wall and it was time for bed. Sometimes you'd work in comfortable silence, side by side, engrossed in your own seperate tasks. Sometimes barely any work would get done as you put the world to rights talking about anything and everything in a late night impromptu therapy session.

This evening, you'd been sitting cross legged in your chair for hours now, focusing so hard on editing a song which was driving you mad, you hadn't realised your feet had gone numb. As you try to move, your knees crack and pins and needles shoot through your legs. Colson looks up from the screen he'd been engrossed in after hearing you groan and sees you rubbing your feet trying to bring back the feeling to them

‘C’mere’ he said, before turning his chair towards you and leaning down to grab your legs, bringing your feet up onto his lap. He pulls your socks off and begins massaging your feet. You lean your head back, eyes closed and let out a long ‘hmmm’. You don’t see Colson glancing over at you and shifting in his seat as he lets out slow breath before turning back to his screen

“Now this is the kind of work session I could get used to”, you sighed "You being my studio bitch on hand for foot rubs. Although, I imagine this enjoyment goes both ways Mr Foot Lover” you tease, throwing him an exaggerated wink

Colson throws his head back with a hearty chuckle, and light heartedly slaps your calf

"Keep it in your pants Y/N"

You laugh and wiggle your toes, Colson letting out a dramatic, throaty groan in response. "Those are some sexy little toes though" he states, sticking his tongue out.

Still laughing, you put your hand to your chest, and gasp as you feign prudishness and try to pull your feet away. He grabs both your feet in one of his hands, keeping them in place then leans over the desk and pulls your laptop towards you

"Get on with some work you, this is supposed to be keeping you motivated, not distracted"

He scolds affectionately, with a smile on his face

“Okay, okay, spoilsport” you grumble as you pull your computer onto your lap

Half an hour passes, your legs still on Colson’s lap with him still massaging your feet absentmindedly with one hand while he works, and your eyes begin to feel heavy. You don’t realise you’ve fallen asleep, until you’re awoken by a “woah” from Colson as he catches your laptop which is about to fall. Taking it from your lap, he states “Right, time for bed you”

You check your phone and see it’s already 5:36am.

You stand up and stretch then walk over behind Colson, putting your arms around his shoulders, and resting your chin on his head. Looking at his screen, you yawn “You got much left to do?”

He leans back into you, bringing his hand up to rest on your arm, “Making some good progress so just gonna finish a couple of bits”

“Okay dude” you gently kiss the top of his head and squeeze the back of his neck a couple of times as you turn to leave “Try and get some rest, we’ve got a long day of sweet fuck all to do tomorrow” you say through another big yawn

“Heh yeah, Night Kid” he says softly, letting out a yawn himself. Colson turns and watches you head out of the studio and lets out a big sigh. Feeling the back of his neck still tingle from where you’d squeezed it, he’s suddenly aware of how empty the room feels without you in it....

______

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