#It was a terrible idea and 10/10 dont suggest

[uas-art]

The only part of this comic I had clearly planned before going in was Elesa getting a Gliscor to the face.

Also, my tarot reading for the week suggested I'd keep an eye out for some recognition for my creative endeavors, and since this comic took days to make, could you reblogging if you have the time?

Bonus:

Nah, it's probably fine

[suwbuns]

E-DATERS! | #1 men hater

SYPNOSIS. moving back to korea from america, y/n is excited to reunite with her old friends and make new ones. what she doesnt expect is to find herself reuniting with her “ex-boyfriend” from 10 years ago who she dated over minecraft. what makes things worse? he happens to be her favorite streamer who she has been pinning after for years.

written chapter + screenshots below! (not proof read)

beomgyu had never felt this fearful in his life.

of course, he had his honorable mentions. such as when he accidentally sent a kid to the nurses office for pushing him off the swingset in the fourth grade, resulting in his mom taking away his computer for two weeks.

there had also been the time when he overslept and ended up missing his csat, fearing he wouldnt be able get into college. not that it mattered anyways considering he dropped out 3 months into his classes.

and most recently, when he had accidentally made fun of a streamer with almost 4 times the following he had, causing a terrible fan war over twitter with the hashtag #CANCELBEOMGYU trending for an entire week.

but yet none of them, could ever compare to the amount of fear that he had felt at this very moment.

because absolutely nothing could be worse than a plummeting ego and pure embarrassment to be the consequences of his actions, in which you managed to figure him out with not even a week that has passed.

as his body turned cold and his hands clammy at your follow up question, beomgyu mustered all the strength that he had in order to press the mute button on his keyboard, before letting out an ear piercing scream.

“how are we going to fix this?!” he cried out, burrowing his face in his hands.

“dont worry, this is fixable!” heeseung nervously laughed. “i can just make up some lame excuse and—“

“why did you mute?” your voice had interrupted, heeseung giving beomgyu an unsure glance before pressing the unmute button.

"sorry, my dog started to bark really loudly," heeseung replied, giving beomgyu the side eye. "miss me?"

beomgyu's mouth pressed into a thin line as he stared blankly at heeseung who held in his laughter at your stuttering protests.

"your solution is flirting with her?" beomgyu mouthed questionably, his lips molding into a grimace.

“just trust me” heeseung mouthed back, returning his attention back to you to attempt to get your mind off of the previous slip up.

however, beomgyu in fact did not trust him nor had any reason to considering it was him who had gotten in this situation. yet, he leaned against the backrest of his chair nervously knowing that there was nothing he could do. his mouth went dry as he sat thinking about every single possible scenario that could come out of this, hardly any of them with a good ending.

“i need to go to the restroom, ill be back!” you said, allowing beomgyu to sigh in relief. “but dont think that i forgot about how you knew about beomgyu.” following your sentence, the mute icon appeared next to your username, causing beomgyu to leap up in his chair to mute his mic as well.

“okay new plan, how about we gaslight her? we can say that she told me but she just forgot?” beomgyu brought up excitedly.

“do you remember what last happened when you gaslighted a girl? you almost got cancelled—“

“okay nevermind!” beomgyu grumbled, folding his arms over his chest. “or how about we just say its a lucky guess? i mean i do have a pretty large following, it wouldnt be that hard to guess that!”

“beomgyu you cant expect her to believe that. your ideas are almost as stupid as the one that we are currently in!” heeseung replied in annoyance, turning his suggestion down almost instantly.

“fine!” beomgyu threw his hands in the air, running his fingers through the strands of his hair in frustration. “why dont we just admit that i am beomgyu, we reveal this whole entire plan, and—“

“you can not be backing out now!”

“well what else can i do?!”

“i dont know, something! youre thought she was easy to get with because shes obsessed with you!”

beomgyu paused for a second, an idea lighting up in his head as he heard the latter of heeseungs sentence. his fingers were working faster than his brain, as it automatically reached for his phone to press on the twitter application to search for your private account.

“you didn't tell me she was that obsessed,” heeseung said, peeking over beomgyus shoulder to take a quick glance at his phone, catching sight of the manifestations of 'marrying beomgyu' on your bio and your header. “you sure this isnt a fan account?”

“no, its definitely her.” beomgyu said, shoving his phone back into his pocket. “new plan. we tell her we stalked her account!”

“can you imagine how humiliated she's going to feel?” heeseung replied, his mouth twisting into a frown. "i want to get out of this situation as much as you do, but the last thing i want to do is make her feel like crap for being a fan."

“oh please, it cant be that deep," beomgyu emphasized. "her being exposed would just leave her with embarrassment for at most, a week. but if I'm exposed? i cant let myself suffer like that!"

“man i really do hope that yeonjun kicks your—“

“im back!” you announced, causing heeseung and beomgyu to jump in their seats at the abrupt noise.

“oh hi!” heeseung beamed after unmuting himself, giving beomgyu one final glance before resuming. “also, i know this might be embarrassing, but I found out about beomgyu through your private twitter.”

“what was that?!” beomgyu whispered-yelled, his eyes wide in judgment. “you could have given her a chance to breathe instead of violating her right when she got back!”

"i was just following what you told me to say!" heeseung replied defensively.

"yeah, but not like that!"

as beomgyu and heeseung continued to argue amongst themselves, what they failed to catch was the sound of you leaving the call, snapping the both of them out of their heated conversation.

the two simultaneously glanced at both monitors, eyeing the leave message from the game, as well as the fact that you were no longer present in the call.

“did she just leave?”

previous | masterlist | next

TAGLIST. @openingssequence @suburbiataehyung @shinypieceofgarbage @koeuh @captivq @beowmgyu @qluvrv @ikaeryn @whippedforbeomgyu @i8lhee @heyanonymous123 @vanicogh @sulliefimmie @tae-ology @milkycloudtyg @ox1-lovesick @soobsfairy444 @sulliefimmie @jaxavance @peachenle @pokyloky @peachybeom @alpha-mommy69 @fatoompie @ashxxgyu @soobsdior @viagumi @rikismiel @luvsoobs @lovejunz @wccycc @enha-cafe @kaeslily @hiddenboopy @cashew00nut @merendis @reverbtunes @lcvesickgyuzz @dear-dreamie @fragmentationss @chuuinggummy @hafsa-hoofsa-heefs @beomsbeanie @shigamiryuk @soobliss @woncheecks @sserafimez @ahnneyong @ghostfacefricker6969 @flrtsbin @beomomb @cathaerin (closed)

A/N. kind of a mid chapter but anyways beomgyu is a red flag smh

AND SORRY IF THERES SM WRITTEN CHAPTERS IM TRYING TO INCORPORATE MORE SOCIAL MEDIA 😭

[magicalgirlagency]

Whats your thoughts on Mami Tomoe in general? I dont like PMMM but Mami does interest me alot as a character concept: a veteran MG who took other, younger MGs under her wings to guide them; whom sees enough shits in her time that shes gone somewhat unstable but keep up a facade of cheerfulness to comfort her students. Im intending to create a character using this concept as well.

I wanted my character to have her Happy Ending - the rest of her younger teammates as well. I think it'd be rather ironic to base her on a dark MG while she belongs to a lighhearted Magical girl story. Shes still in a vague designing state, with a concept and some basic traits and backstory. I wanted to her to be a MG veteran who saw some serious shits during her younger days too, but with help from her mascot (who is not the bad guy in this story) and eventually the MGs whom shes teaching, shes healing from her past traumas and is on the road to a beautiful future.

I know there are other MGs from other shows that are good mentors for their team, but weirdly enough Mami was the first one who introduce me to this concept (PMMM was also the one to introduce me to the Maho Shojo gerne, but I dont like it so I evetually follow Pretty Cure instead, best choice ive ever made) so shes the one I pick to base my character on. Mostly for the ironic part.

I absolutely adore her. I even had a sideblog entirely dedicated to her back when this account got temporarily deleted, just to have any idea of how much I loved her. Heck, one of my self-inserts was inspired by her, too.

One of the many reasons why I love Mami could dial back to Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Moon's Kino Makoto/Sailor Jupiter. A strong yet sensitive girl who has lost her parents on a tragic accident and now craves the feeling of a family with the friends she makes.

Mami is indeed a fascinating character herself, and I think her death, while understandably haunting the narrative afterwards at least, was very disrespectful (she died in the span of ONE episode! Right after she debuted!) and the jokes that were relentlessly cracked by everyone and their mother for 10+ years are not funny at all.

Imagine if I were to crack jokes about Flapjack's death. You guys wouldn't like them, would you?

No, you guys wouldn't like them. It'd be cruel and done in bad taste.

Anyways, back to Mami...

She's the cool and experienced onee-san/senpai type of character, approachable and friendly; she's skilled and graceful, plus with an epic theme tune to boot. Of course, her calm and collected persona is just a mask that hides how terribly lonesome and scared she is. To quote Bebe in The Rebellion Story:

"Mami is a real crybaby. She gets lonely super-easy; I know, I know."

Homura's description is more in-depth, though:

"She would always put on a strong front and push herself too hard, despite having the softest heart of any of us."

This vulnerability of hers is more explored in Magia Record, though. She joins the Wings of Magius so she could help in finding a cause to save her friends from despairing and becoming Witches, as she feels guilty for dragging them into such a hostile world.

Except that the WoM's methods were very cultish, thus causing her to be brainwashed and used as a puppet, distance herself from the ones she was supposed to guide and protect, and when she'd be challenged by outsiders, she'd quickly lose her cool.

Turns out that no matter the timeline/universe, Tomoe Mami will always be the first one to crack at the revelation.

And I like that, because it makes her morally grey, which it's something quite rare in the Magical Girl genre. She wants to save her friends, but she has participated in dangerously unorthodox methods to achieve such an end.

Anyways, I've been rambling about Mami for too long, that I've forgotten your concept. Sorry! Your idea is amazing! My followers having galaxy-brained suggestions, as always!

[uglywizardhat]

wait how do you "train" your sense of direction??? i thought that was something that was just like part of how your brain works

oh you got me right as my vyvanse kicked in prepare for a wall of text. a year or two ago i read a book called 'the lost art of finding our way' and it rewired my brain. the book is more overall geared towards like...hiking and wilderness navigation, but there was plenty about urban navigation, and it made me think about how differently i approached the places i lived when i was exclusively riding a bike (just Go) vs in a car (gps).

he talked about navigation as a Skill, and a skill that can be learned. and while i felt like i had Learned well on a bicycle (more time to process the environment, using GPS is just kind of a pain in the ass, etc), i definitely hadn't in a car. i felt like i'd regressed in my ability to navigate, after i started driving. i knew the rough shape of the area, but that was it, and that felt bad compared to my bike era, where i was confident.

so one of the exercises suggested in the book was to make a map of the places you go within an average week or so completely from memory. the idea was to focus on their relationship to each other rather than specific directions. and my first map wasn't great, but it really did key me into how what i thought of as 'islands' (workplace, friend's house, etc) are all part of the same mesh. iirc it looked something like this

which isn't terrible, and was honestly a really good starting point for thinking about the most optimal routes between places. so i started looking up directions to other places i needed to go, and thinking of them as relative to landmarks i already felt confident getting to without gps. if i got lost, i'd pop open the gps, but not until i at least tried to get un-lost, the same way i'd operate on my bicycle. so now if i repeat the exercise...

this took like an hour and it's still not super accurate - i know my mom is way further north than the mall and some of these proportions are WACK, but in terms of like...knowing what connects where? i'm actually confident about it now. and a lot of it comes down to trying different routes and seeing what happens. if you have a basic idea of which direction you need to go, you can just keep going in that general direction and odds are you'll hit a main road you're familiar with. i'm a bit spoiled on having the Big Fucking Lake as a landmark, but try and find something you can triangulate yourself with.

also it's not about memorizing names. if i really thought about it, i might be able to label like 2/3s of the streets on my drawing? that's a ymmv thing, if names help you a lot, keep track of them, don't just let your gps announce them. but otherwise, notice and use landmarks. sometimes those are businesses, but sometimes they're cool trees or painted transformers.

it's genuinely super rewarding to actually know where you are beyond the most basic 'A Building'. what i drew isn't even everything i know - i got lazy drawing the south end of town, and i can easily navigate to any of the major cities within a few hours. you feel so much more Aware of the world around you when you're thinking 'gotta pass the elm tree inn and then it's about four miles' instead of just occasionally glancing at a little screen and not having to use your brain at all.

that's another ingredient: distance estimation. if you know something is 10 miles away, and you're going 60mph, that's about 10 minutes, or two and a half-ish songs. it's something that you have to consciously make yourself notice, but with time it becomes second-nature. it's also an easy way to impress your friends.

you really do have to learn to trust yourself. your brain wants to be used like this, i promise. if you're thinking 'no it doesn't, i don't even know left from right' stop it! i still dont reliably know left from right! that can be annoying if you're trying to give directions (my friends can attest), but when you're just going somewhere, with some practice you just know 'turn towards [your destination]'.

and it is a skill. it's one that's easy to build on your home turf, and then when you go somewhere new, your brain is already primed to think about locations in terms of their relationships to each other. you can even backwards-extrapolate directions! i visited a place i lived as a wee child and was able to navigate without gps because i had one (1) landmark that i could relatively place locations by. and that was in an actual city. i remembered one (1) street name. ALSO an easy way to impress your friends.

anyways whoops i spent 90 minutes answering this instead of doing my job. tl;dr, put down your gps, it'll be okay, i promise. we got by just fine for like a hundred years without everyone having one.

[kk4pups]

hi. i am a person that saw your tags out there and wants to ask you about your vocaloid playlists. go wild have fun <3 have a good time

hi. i love you. i have mental illness. lets talk about it

theres 22 right now........... some of them have silly names but i am not changing that for this post. i had to put emojis on all of them because i started having trouble finding my playlists at a glance. big al is my favorite (105 songs/covers but like 10 are privated so more like 95) but he actually doesnt get new additions to his playlist that often because no one gaf about big al (and im unreasonably picky about how people tune him given how little content he gets too) but i did add one (1) cover last night so thats awesome

my brain rot playlist is the biggest sitting at 855 songs/covers atm, probably an Unreasonable percent of that is covers because most of my favs (big al, piko, fukase, etc) dont Get originals very often for various reasons. but honestly even in the case of favs who get plenty of originals (len, flower) i still have lots of covers for them too i feel like this is somehow a funny reflection of my tastes which i think are kind of unconventional in terms of the selection of synths i enjoy. but at the same time, my dex playlist has literally 3 songs in it because i just found out i had a dex playlist (i forgot) so all of them are various levels of filled out.

the oliver playlist is particularly sparse (8 songs/covers) which i am sad about because oliver is in my top 5-6 vocaloids but i Rarely find things i like with him (because a lot of people use him for ballads and i am incapable of enjoying ballads 99% of the time even if i can appreciate their beauty. i get bored) and im praying to god that maghni will save me from this terrible fate of empty playlist

my rin playlist is pathetic though because probably at least half of it is rin/len duets but this is not the case for my len playlist so my bias is 100% there unfortunately my matsudappoiyo playlist (66 songs/covers) probably sees the most activity in recent days because i listened to just a few covers for him and it was then the only thing youtube would recommend for several months. ron keine is incidental because people ship him with matsudappoiyo so he just kept Showing Up during this period (14 songs/covers. actually since these are two are utau they might all be covers) but ive grown to like him so i actually listen to it frequently and want to add to it my misc utau playlist doesnt have an emoji right now because what the hell emoji do you use for that. the 🇺 emoji isnt a real emoji outside of discord it just converts to unicode do you know how mad i am about that. open to suggestions on this issue i want to make one for kiyoteru but i probably have less than 10 songs for him right now. maybe less than 5. and every time i make a new playlist i have to wrestle youtube to load my 855 song playlist in its entirety, so that i can find all the songs i have for that specific vocaloid, but is so laggy that its actually a problem, i dont know what to do about it. but ive also seen people with 2000+ song vocaloid playlists so i have no idea what im going to do when i get to that point which given enough time i Will but also its taken 7 (?) years to Passively get to this point so i dont think its an immediate concern either (? unless i go insane? which is not an unrealistic possibility at this point) also im open to vocaloid song suggestions always, and it really does not matter who the vocaloid is because i like all vocaloids (yes all of them. yes even that one) in a perfect world i would make a playlist for every vocaloid, but i think if i made an active effort to do so i would literally die, and its something that can only occur if it happened naturally, which it probably wont because even if i am happy to listen to any vocaloid i Do only actively seek out my favs i really need to make more playlists. but like i am already in this position lol

[lassuscorde]

75 PROMPTS

(that are under the cut!)

feel free to pop up to three at a time in my inbox as well as a little desc about what ya want. I won’t do full nsfw but mild/suggestive stuff is alright.

1 “can i hold your hand?” 2 “you’re making my stomach hurt. in a good way?” 3 “god, just come here, will you?” 4 “Man. Sometimes, I just really wanna squish your face. What is this, cuteness aggression? 5 “Is that … me?” 6 “ … is that my shirt?” 7 “Sit down, idiot, I’m making you a snack.” 8 “If I win, you gotta kiss me, and i dont mean a peck on the cheek.” 9 “You are the best pillow!” 10 “Let me take care of you or I will kill you myself.” 11 ”Sometimes, you remind me of a fairytale character.” 12 ”Last time I let you cook, you set the fucking sprinklers off!” 13 ”I just realized- you have really pretty eyes.” 14 “Can’t sleep? Me neither.” 15 “I didn’t-…I didn’t want you to see me cry, alright.” 16 ”Please. I just need someone to talk to.” 17 ”I dunno. I would marry you!” 18 ”Can I sleep in your room?” 19 ”You’re so warm …” 20 ”I dunno, I guess a hug would be nice?” 21 ”I just realized. I’ve never really … touched you before?” 22 ”At this rate, I’m going to run out of tissues.” 23 ”Can I hug you?” 24 ”You just look so kissable-“ 24 ”Can I play with your hair?” 25 “If you’re not careful, you might hurt that pretty face of yours.” 26 “I AM- SO SORRY— ohh god-” 27 “Are you sure it wont hurt?” ”I have no idea. Sure hope not.” 28 “Fuck, yes, I’m scared.” 29 “You’ve been so good to me. I- I wanna pay you back, okay?” 30 “Just take it off … please?” 31 “You’re … wow. Y/n, you’re beautiful.” 32 “Little short to reach, are we?” 33 “I’ve always wondered if I could pick you up.” 34 “I never realized how pretty your hands were!” 35 ”So maybe I want them to rail me against a wall, so what?” 36 ”I have a feeling I wasn’t supposed to hear that.” 37 ”And to think I thought you were just a pushover.” 38 ”No no, it’s ok, everyone wants to fuck me.” 39 ”Geez, staring problem much?” 40 ”You baited me into this, didn’t you?” 41 ”That’ll leave a mark.” 42 ”I thought you said you could take it?” 43 ”No way, you’re gonna take up all the hot water!” 44 ”A bath sounds nice.” 45 ”Look, I’m sick of you talking bad about yourself, okay?” 46 “Just because you wouldn’t fuck you doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t!” 47 ” ‘oooh I hate you so much’ look, we all know how much you wanna fuck me.” 48 ”God I am so tired of pretending to hate you.” 49 “Looks like someone likes being pinned down.” 50 “So sue me, you have a nice ass.” 51 “You’ve got such a handsome smile. Who knows what else that mouth can do?” 52 “I’m not saving your sorry ass next time.” 53 “This is not your mission!” 54 “This better be on my overtime.” 55 “Let’s put the paint down, okay? I just got this stuff polished!” 56 “Couples therapy? We’re not even together!” 57 “If they don’t shut up soon just shoot me.” 58 “There’s a reason I never take the helmet off around you people.” 59 “This is definitely safe. I promise.” 60 “Touch them and it’s my boot you’ll have up your ass.” 61 “So, I don’t mean to alarm anyone, but I lost the spider.” 62 “You’re planning something aren’t you. You’re never this nice to me!” 63 “War criminals? Please, we’ve done worse than that.” 64 “I’ll miss you, dumbass.” 65 “Here, give me your hands.” 66 “It’s simple, I’ll show you.” 67 “And this is why we all need therapy.” 68 “If this is a dream I’m gonna kill you in the morning.” 69 “Keeping secrets, are we?” 70 “Deep breaths, okay? Look at me.” 71 “What do mean they’re not coming?” 72 “I think I should get the big gun this time.” 73 “Yeah, I had a feeling you didn’t get laid much.” 74 “This is a terrible plan. I’m in.” 75 “Come baaack, I’m cold nowww.”

[stinkywinke]

Twelve Minutes

I am obsessed with twelve minutes sooo, why not make an imagine about it 🧍‍♀️

Also this is the first time I have ever used tumblr, and my grammar is very poor. I will try and get used to the way tumblr works and hopefully if I have any motivation I will start writing more :) My writing skills are bad so this is going to be choppy

Another note : The roles are reversed, so instead of the reader being the husband, its going the be the wife figuring everything.

clench ya butt cheeks

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Readers POV:

No..no, no, no, this can’t be it

As I took a step into my apartment I heard my husband in the bathroom humming a soft tune. 10 minutes. The pills. The cop. The pocket watch.

“Hey, I didn’t hear you come in”

I looked up to see h/n (Husbands name) walking towards me with a smile and pulling me in to a passionate kiss.

“I made desert, let me know if your in the mood” He stated while making his way on to the couch.

I give a quick nod signaling that I would tell him when I was ready. Quickly glancing around my home I made my way to the sink and filled up a mug of water, the floorboards creaking in a specific spot as I ambled to the bathroom. I opened the medicine cabinet grabbing ahold of the sleeping pills and pouring them into the mug, and going back into the living room to see h/n reading a book.

"I think its a good time for desert” I suggested

“Ok, babe” h/n replied with a sweet smile

He noticed the cup in my hand and turned around to the fridge and got the desert out. I placed the drugged mug by where h/n was sitting and got my own mug instead.

“So how was work?”

“It was alright, met a couple of new people, Its going great” I said as I saw h/n drinking his water

“How about you? How was your day?”

“Same old day I guess it just repeats itself” he said as his eyes started drooping down into a sleepy matter

Tch.. talk about repeating

“Im feeling so tired all of a sudden, Im gonna go lay down”

“Okay baby, goodnight”

As soon as I saw h/n close the bedroom door I scampered to the closet and closed the door behind me aware that the cop will be here in a few minutes

Now we wait…

“Police!, open up I have a warrant”

My breathe hitched as I heard him turn the doorknob and stepped into the house

“Hello?, anyone home?”

“Police” the cop shouted when he opened the door

“Police, I have a warrant”

He made his final call making his way into the bedroom,hearing the light switch turn on a scream came from the man as he layed unconscious on the floor. After hearing nothing but silence I crept out the door into the room, searching for the valuables from the cops uniform

The gun, 2 handcuffs, the knife, and the phone

As I did last time,Rolling him over, gripping both of his wrists and tieing them together, I remembered there was a little box with my mothers name on it.

A/N : I did change the baby clothes to a necklace, kind of like a bday gift

My hand trembled to the gift lying on the table next to the flowers, I held it and stuffed the box into my front pocket. I took my time staring at the man in awe and confusion

He’s already told me why he’s here, he told me he was a good friend of my husband’s father. He’s hiding something.

“Augh- what- you little shit”

The cop was stirring awake from the electrocution but only figuring it all together that he was handcuffed. He glared at my shoes as some kind of threat and saying words, pleading to be let go, I reached into my pocket pulling out the box and showing the man the name on the necklace

“Do you recognise this name?”

“Dahlia? Yeah I knew her so what?”

“Do you know anything about her?”

“Yeah, she was the mother of your husbands sister”

Mother of my husband’s sister? But that was my mothers name

“Just let me go you prick”

“I promise im innocent I dont have anything to do with this”

“Okay maybe if you let me go, I wont kill you” the cop stated in a cold and tone

I took the knife out of my pocket and handed him his things, he asked…

“Im here for a pocket watch very valuable… do you have it?”

“Yeah, I’ll go get it now”

Thoughts were running in my head as I went to go to the bathroom to get the strange watch

Mother of my husbands sister? Dahlia, thats my mothers name… no it can’t be.

I grasped the pocket watch in my hand, watching is slowly turn clock-wise

“Have you found it yet? I dont have all day!”

My hand gave out to him, as he took the pocket watch

“Im gonna need a few minutes with your husband, go sit on the couch, but if you do anything stupid, I’ll kill you..” he demanded

He’s gonna kill him, I know, so lets just let it happen.

BANG!

A bead of sweat drip down my forehead as I smelled the scent of blood coming from the other room

Mothers name of husbands sister, husband said he got a necklace with my mothers name on it, Dahlia. So if dahlia is my mother h/n is my… brother. My own brother is my husband. Fuck no please, I have to get out

Sprinted across the room to the door and made my way out just to end up in the same place as always.

“No.. fuck no no no no- this can’t be happening please”

My husband came out of the bathroom again with a panic and worry on his face and started to bombard me with questions.

“Y/n?”

“Baby are you ok?”

“What happened honey?”

“Whats wrong?”

I’ve had enough

“S-STOP IT, GO AWAY”

“Baby whats wrong” he pleaded with concern

“NO! Please I have to go” I shouted at him as I bolted through the door coming back to the same gentle humming tune coming from the bathroom.

“Hey, I didnt hear you come in”

Again met with the same eyes with my lover ugh- brother, I cant tell him, I cant.

“Hey babe” I said as he kissed me once again,

this is wrong

“I made dessert, let me know if your in the mood”

The same sentence every ten minutes.

Snatching the pocket watch from the ventilation grid, the grunting and groaning leaving my mouth as I tried to get up from the pain in my back,

The watch was broken. Turning the long handle I fixed it back to its place, 2 minutes before 12. I saw the world turn into a dark abyss, the watch turning anti clock- wise, my hand slowly fading into the tiles of the bathroom, my eyes growing heavy and started to close putting me into a deep sleep

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey there he is… your back”

Huh?

“Look, I know this is a… terrible shock. But we need to be on the same page. Look, I… These feelings for my son… your brother. This isn’t how I wanted to tell you…you deserve… both of you deserve better.”

He said with a long pause

“Yknow the thing I hate the most, worst thing in the world?… Disappointing my lil boy. Well that was the worst thing…. And now a baby… you with your little… love… I guess it was always gonna happen”

He said as he walked around in disbelief and ignorance

“Nothing stays swallowed down forever. So, you gonna make a call”

“If i could go back..” I started

“Well. Things would be different. But you can’t just try again. Thats not how life works! So, you gotta make the choice, and make it now”

…

“Say something”

H/n’s book about zen..

“Fine!, your gonna force it by hand? Fine!”

“Hey “its only by forgetting that.. we ever really drop the thread of time, and approach the experience of living in the present moment””

“Ah, you’ve read that one, eh?”

“I know the idea of forgetting things sounds crazy but, what if… you could?

I can help with that if you want. All you have is the future, you’ll forget everything you went through. All the pain. All the stress. Forgotten forever. But, you need to understand there is no turning back. You can’t undo this… we can still talk about him but you need to choose an answer…”

I stared at the clock as I watch it about to turn twelve

“you don’t have to forget if you don’t want to, The choice is yours”

12:00

DING!

“ you do have a remarkable imagination… The stories you’ve created… but believing them so strongly, so deeply is unhealthy… you have to let him go… you can’t keep obsessing over him… sometimes things are just as what they are…

Its time for you to wake up…

[yostresswritinggirl]

Did not just come back to see mother threatening on locking us up in a study room… but jokes on you I already did 💀 Haven't left my dorm room since saturday (except to get food and to use the bathroom)

Anyways I didn't realized the last ask sounded that mean cause thats generally how my uni works (ya know looking back maybe my uni really is the akademiya irl, they legit make us write 3 thesis papers, 1 for our major subjects and 2 for minor subjects 💀) But mother dont we love hurting characters in the most painful way here?

But it's nice to know i'm not the only one whose hyperfixated on Al Ahmar and the Goddess of flowers, I'd love to fully share my brain rots but my schedule is so tight that it's tighter than my hold on my will to live /j

Anyways it's heavily influenced by "Shoujo rei" (love this song sm) like some of the lyrics just hit hard especially if you go down the "friends/lovers where one commits unalive and the other soon follows after their death." For the goddess of flowers and al ahmar, i imagine before the goddess of flowers could reciprocate the scarlet kings feelings she decides to sacrifice herself during the accident

(Since theres little known details i just winged it so might not be 100% accurate, also doesn't take into account that the goddess of flowers may be the only survivor of the seeles, but if she is the angst would be so immaculate.)

- Lady in the lake anon

(P.S I just remembered, for those who like heart!cyno and heart!reader, i suggest you look into asra's route from the arcana, to avoid spoilers i wont say much other than its a 10/10 espeially if you were to play the route itself, might not be everyones cup of tea tho)

Since Saturday?! My child, are you getting sunlight, fresh air, some grass?!?! Make sure to immerse yourself in a healthy environment too, just to liven up your surroundings and alleviate some of the mental stress

I also get the uni part of the bombardment of major requirements, gosh it was so terrible I took a year's break from this blog you have no idea, but it's probably because of our uni's freedom ideals that I wasn't exposed to the mean students trope haha we do we do but not ALL the time!!

You make it sound like Romeo and Juliet than anything haha but man, their love story is actually my favorite and still the most heartbreaking. Still don't know what happened to her (she might even be alive, can't be too sure) but with my heavy grip on the seelie theory, the tragic fact that the feelings will never be requited makes it even better honestly. Actually wait I can't talk much cuz I am going to use this for my Harbinger fic ahshshaj

But it's very nice to see you again, lady in the lake anon, please take care!

[daonepiece]

Heyy artist chan! Im back with questions. AGAIN... so ignore if you dont wanna answer. No pressure. Its for fun!!

On the average, How long does it take to make 1 art piece?

For how long have you been into art? What inspired you the most?

How did you learn anatomy? Do you have any suggestions for learning it?

If inspiration doesn't hit you during some time, what do you do?

What is the longest tine you took to make an art?

Abhi-swannnnn 💖💖 It’s my delight to answer your questions. They are a healthy exercise for the mind. 🥺

========

On the average, How long does it take to make 1 art piece?

It really depends on how much fire I have at the time. Taking my best condition into account, then usually about 2 hours for one shitposting post (😂) and 10-15 hours (about one week in real-time) for one polished art, with neat line and color and all.��

For how long have you been into art? What inspired you the most?

Omg now that I have to count, it’s been almost 20 years since the day I can draw a legible human. O___O The one thing that doesn’t change since day 1 is that human’s beauty fascinates me. I like drawing people so much, mostly their faces and hair!

How did you learn anatomy? Do you have any suggestions for learning it?

1. Observe! Observe! Observe! Observation skill plays a big role. The quicker you develop your ability to look at something and be able analyse it (simplify body parts into basic shapes for example), the easier your learning process will become. 2. Learn about perspective along the way. 3. Put what you learned into practice. 5 minutes figure drawing is definitely a great art workout.

4. Don’t dread if you got something wrong, take note and improve it in the next drawing! Noticing errors in your old works is proof that you’ve leveled up. :D

Here’s some of my sketch => lineart. The initial sketch is often a quick figure drawing, it gives me a general idea about the pose I want, details and further corrections will be done on lineart.

If inspiration doesn't hit you during some time, what do you do?

I take a break! Looooong breakkkk. But when there’s a deadline I can’t avoid then I’ll force myself to cough up some ideas so even at the worst scenario I still have some thing to work with, however terrible I might think they are.

What is the longest time you took to make an art?

About six months... It was when inspiration didn’t hit. It was also a commission I had to finish no matter what. The agony.. TT_____TT Any personal work that took me more than one month to finish is very likely to stay a WIP forever.

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That’s the end of this wall of text! Thank you for these lovely questions, Abhi-swan X”D

[bethchapelsbonnet]

I Dont remember if it Was on you're Ways to Tell ILY Prompt list but might I suggest a "I Choose you" Hournite One shot?

I didn't see you interact with the original submission I answered, so I included it here

I Choose You

All of the fuss that Beth went through to try to compile each and every piece of evidence that someone may need in order to get Rick the heck out of that place was simply... Well - it was actually exhausting, but she never realized until she was at the end of her days.

The database was always excellent and as the official Dr. Mid-Nite, she had access to even more information.

Not what she truly needed - to be able to actually speak to Rick. To assess how he was doing. To at least hold his hand, which.. she was conflicted about that one in particular. She didn't understand why that idea kept coming to her when she and Rick never actually really touched each other that way.

Casually - pats on the back or holding each other back in a fight, but nothing so intimate as hand holding. Maybe it was her renewed self confidence. She had chosen herself. And now, she was choosing Rick. 

They didn't allow any of them to see him. He was currently being held at a juvenile center, assigned a caseworker and a child advocate attorney, with an ongoing investigation about his uncle and his home life. But, Beth found out the names of everyone involved in his case and she was sending them documents, school reports, and everything that she could scrape up to prove that Rick was in a dangerous household and had been abused and mistreated. 

It was her hope that they would all see it was self defense and go easy on him. Courtney and Pat had tried to explain to her that Eclipso was controlling him. It wasn't self defense. It was just a terrible mind game.

Not too long ago, they were pressing her to accept murdering a bad guy… but suddenly, when it's THIS bad guy… who didn't even DIE, they were willing to accept Rick turning himself in and being put away? "It's what Rick wanted, to be held accountable.."

"He didn't DO it! It was Eclipso!" Beth had snapped at Courtney. Courtney's eyes went wide and she got quiet. Of course she knew that and she didn't deserve Beth being rude with her, either, but Beth was too frustrated to tell herself that at the moment and Rick wasn't around…

She called him anyway, as she stormed out. 

"Rick!" She took a deep breath, "You don't deserve to be held responsible for something that you didn't do wrong!" She noticed Courtney in the corner of her eye and whispered, "There's nothing you need to be held accountable for and I'm working on helping you get out. Just… I hope you aren't too hard on yourself." She hung up and looked at Courtney.

"I watched him run around, hallucinating, breaking down as he was attacked by something that we couldn't see… it was like with Yolanda, only someone did get hurt. I didn't want to have to see that again and it wasn't easy to let Rick confess, but what else could we do? What would you have done differently?"

Beth wanted to say that she wouldn't have let him out of her sight, that she would have talked to him until he was back down to Earth..  but as a firm believer in herself, some part of her knew that Courtney didn't have that type of power. Beth was the one who could stop Rick in his tracks and make him think for a moment. 

"What about when you see a dead 10 year old girl? Would you have been able to use your head in that moment and stop him from reacting?"

Beth sniffled and wiped her face, "If I was here, I know that I could have fixed this. I know that I could have talked him down. He listens to me. It's different with us. And with Eclipso… it's personal now."

.

Rick heard about an "adorable but incredibly annoying" girl who spoonfed a lot of information to his case worker and his advocate. They didn't have to describe her. He did initially automatically think Courtney, since that was who saw him last on the outside and that's who annoyed him more than any girl he knew…

But when they spoke about legal documents, school incidents and cases and studies of similar cases..  He knew that they meant Beth. A lot of her findings needed to be double checked by the proper authorities and his advocate would need to speak with a judge, but it was looking like Rick may be entitled to psychological treatment from years of abuse that resulted in him finally lashing back.

He wanted to argue with that, but in a way.. that felt like some type of hope and he couldn't say there wasn't truth in it. Whatever Beth had done, he finally felt some peace of mind, since coming here…

.

The court order to grant him a placement took shorter than he thought, even though it still felt super long. The Chapels weren't foster parents, but thanks to some… creative documentation on Beth's part, they were able to be listed as family friends to whom custody could be signed over.

He would be trying for emancipation, but in the meantime, he had a place to sleep and eat and stuff… and Beth was there.

"How did you manage to pull this off?" Rick wondered, more confused than grateful, but she didn't take it to heart. She smiled and tapped her goggles. "Of course…" he stared at his bags on the floor. "Did you get the full story?"

"I got Courtney and Pat's side of it. You don't have to tell me, but in your own time, if you want to, you can." She handed him some mail, "I filled out your paperwork and sent it in. You've gotten at least one response."

"My paperwork?"

She winced, "I totally trespassed into your car and home, scanning everything and looking for something to help me. I traced punched in walls, I took an inventory of the alcohol in there, you name it. I also found the forms that you had for college and financial aid. I took them with me, but also wondered what they were doing there. So I checked on cell phone records and saw that Miss Woods-" she rolled her eyes when she said her name. (She wasn't fond of how cruelly that woman had treated Rick, and she didn't mind saying so), "Had been there. I figured she was the one who gave those to you, went to pay her a visit and questioned her until she told me about what happened earlier. She had seen your uncle and he was belligerent and drinking. I told her that I would speak to your advocate in order to see if that was usable information. It was. She made for a very dependable character reference."

Rick looked stunned. He didn't know what to say, but eventually landed on, "Why am I at your house and not at Pat's? I don't even know your parents and they probably aren't pleased about what happened." 

"Well, I believe that I've managed to do quite the PR campaign for you when I was making my rounds to see if anybody had recollection of witnessing your uncle be unkind to you. A lot of people have been quiet about things that they should have spoken up about… myself included.." she lowered her head, "I noticed bruises on you sometimes at lunch when we weren't friends and I guessed that they weren't from some school fight, otherwise, the school would know." She looked up at him and her eyes were brimming with tears, "All of us made choices to mind our business and just leave you to fend for yourself. Everybody's been feeling pretty guilty that it came to… that.."

She cleared her throat, "There's enough going on at Courtney's house, and Yolanda's isn't an option. I couldn't let you wind up at the group home. Artemis is there. The last time you two saw each other, you almost killed one another. I thought my home was the best choice. It's safe, there's just me here. My parents believed me when I vouched for you, so they would be acting like wardens or anything, and I just… I feel better knowing that if something happens, I'll be there."

He sat down on the guest bed and twiddled his thumbs, "That's just it. If something happens, I… I no longer have the hourglass. I won't be able to protect you fully."

"I can protect myself," she said, sitting next to him. "Just wait until you hear my Eclipso story."

"Your what?"

"He attacked me the same time that he attacked you…" Rick looked terrified as he checked her over for damages. "It's a long story, but I'm fine. It went very differently for me than it did for you." She looked sad for a moment. I think he must've known."

He was confused. Beth looked him in the eyes through her goggles, "That we protect each other. That you fight for me and I fight for you. I felt so victorious when I was able to take my goggles back from me and solidify my place on the team… the. I found out he had gotten to my Rick…" 

His heart jumped in his chest and he stared at her. He reached for her goggles but she shook her head and he withdrew his hands. "It wasn't anything to do with you."

"No, but had I been there…"

"Then you could have gotten hurt or had to see me become the very kind of monster that I hate!" 

She furrowed her eyebrows and she grabbed his hand, harder than she meant to, but that demanded his attention and he stared at her face, "If I had been there, you would've had the extra strength you needed to see through him. I wouldn't have let you fight. Please believe me when I say that I'm sure I could have talked some sense into you. I could have saved you from thinking that you're a monster. Because you aren't a monster, Rick. You're a kid who was in a situation that most of us can't fathom, and when you needed me, I wasn't there." He started crying and shook his head. "I'll understand if you want to stay with Mr. Dugan instead…"

"No. No.."He had told Grundy that day that he just needed someone to care about him, to be kind to him, and he could be alright. Rick was so caught up in the stress of his uncle, he hadn't thought about how he did have someone like that. He had his friends, the Dugans, and he had Beth. She had done all of this, because she felt like she'd failed him. Like she was supposed to protect him. She wasn't obligated to do that, but the fact that she wanted to, that she tried to. 

Hell, she was even correct about being able to talk him down. He didn't know if she could have that night, but as much as she meant to him… he couldn't rule out that what if. He collected her hand to his heart and said extremely softly, "I choose you." 

@futurewriterwannebe

[honesthammie]

Te amo

I am working on a few of the other prompts and a part 2 to prompt 4 the soulmate au I just recently got another puppy and I still have uni work to do so I'm a bit behind schedule with these and I'm so sorry. Hopefully this little kinda songfic makes up for it.

13th doctor x female reader

Warnings: swearing as usual, fluffy, sad thoughts, twist the original songs meaning, long as fuck.

Probably terrible as its my first songfic

I don't know much Spanish so some of the examples later on are Google translated and I know it can be wrong so I do apologise for any mistranslations

This is based off Rhiannas song Te Amo but I'm switching it up a little. I dont why 13th doctor came into my head when I was listening to it but it gave me this lil oneshot idea so enjoy! The picture is not mine but the rainbow effect added is done by me! Same for the picture later on.

I've been travelling with this amazing alien for a whole year now. The adventures are always amazing if she's there! The others sometimes complain and say its boring, especially on a junk planet but to see her face light up with excitement makes my day and it well worth the dirt we cover ourselves on by the time we are done. And when she finds something that she thought was useful and it turns out, it's not her scrunch is amazing.

Okay, I'll admit it. I'm in love with this alien. I know, weird, a human and an alien together? But I can't help it! I'm completely besotted with her. If she even looks in my direction, my legs go to jelly and I get butterflies. I know, cheesy. But thats exactly how I feel around her. I barely want to touch her because I nearly fainted the last few times. And I fear she may pick up on how I'm distancing myself from her. I don't want to break her heart and leave, the thought of her look kills me as is so I'm trying to get her to kick me off.

It doesn't seem to be working though. I've been distancing myself since I found out about how I feel, which is now 6 months ago and she's trying to get me to be as close as I was with her.

I'll tell her. On one of our amazing adventures but I can't do it straight forward, it's making me sick with anxiety just thinking about it. I'll fancy it up, make her work it out. Whenever we are next to each other and the moment is right, I'll tell her in another language!

I finally get out of bed after I finished writing in my diary. I slip some comfy clothes on and head out to the TARDIS library and hope no one is there, especially her. I'll be distracted and right now, I need to concentrate. I wonder the warm halls, grateful that the TARDIS had considered my preferences. I think the TARDIS likes me more than the others because I talk to her and show her gratefulness for taking us somewhere amazing and I chat to her regularly and I try to involve her in my conversations. The others find it weird, except for the Doctor, she just smiles and joins in with me. Im still learning how to translate her but I think I've sort of got it.

I reach my hand forward and grab the aged bronze doorknob and open to the giant room. There were so many floors that an elevator had to be used to access some of them as the Doctor said "walking would literally take weeks to reach some floors". Thankfully the TARDIS organises them to make them easier to find. I looked forward and saw an interactive map in front of me. My hands touched the screen and many subjects and categories came up. Anything ranging from kiddie tales to straight up smut, I have a feeling either River or Missy are to blame for that addition.

I've never met them but the TARDIS showed me videos from her database and brought books to my attention about them. They both seem very dirty minded people so I'm not surprised those are there. I wonder if the Doctor has ever stumbled upon this section or is it for none Doctor eyes only? If she does know about them, has she ever read one? No, don't go there you stupid brain! She probably doesn't know!

I quickly stop that train of thought and catch my breath. I've never thought about those kinds of things about anyone before. Stupid Timelord, making me go all weird and think dirty things. Now my face is all red, I really hope I'm alone in here. I quickly focus back to the task at hand, finding a new language to learn. The TARDIS seemed to know where to go and blue arrows appeared, guiding me to the right section in what could be a maze.

As I walking, I felt excitement rise within me. What if she felt the same way? What if she was impressed by how far I wanted to go just to say those 3 words? Would her hazel honey eyes sparkle with delight? Would she scronch her nose in amazement?

Before I knew it, I'd arrived at the language learning section and there were many alien languages but the TARDIS seemed to have a better idea of what would be perfect for me as a white hardback book fell off the 4th shelf onto the wooden floor. I picked it up and noticed how smooth the cover was and how old yet unused it looked. The white was a little off, almost a dull cream from ageing which made the gold writing harder to read. The title was simple:

Spanish basics and need to knows.

I did always find Spanish in school fun to learn, more than French or German anyway and I don't wanna stereotype this into a typical French is the language of romance. I never really found it romantic sounding compared to Spanish.

I picked up the book and quickly flicked through to the right page and took a note on my phone as to what the translation was and put the worn book away. I quietly thanked the TARDIS and rushed out of the library and back into my room where I could practice without getting caught.

A few weeks have passed since I picked up the new words and practiced them until I was confident and had the TARDIS' approval that I was saying it right. Today the Doctor wanted to take us to this party in the 18th century and we all decided to dress for the part once we landed.

Yaz was wearing a beautiful black and red ballroom gown, accented with little bows around the bottom and lace cuffs. She had her black hair curled into a ponytail. It was simple and cute, much like her style normally. Graham and Ryan wore similar suits but Graham wore green accents and Ryan wore yellow accents.

I let the TARDIS pick my dress. She picked a black and dark blue ballroom gown with blue roses on the bottom. It had black lace underneath and blue lace as the cuffs. The gown also seemed to glitter slightly in the light making me sparkle very subtly. I put my comfy boots on as you couldn't see my shoes as I walked anyway so why did it matter? With all the running we do, I'm not risking my ankles with heels, thank you very much. I had my (h/c) hair in (fave style). It suited my dress perfectly.

I nearly choked on oxygen when I saw how hot the Doctor looked in her suit. It took me a few moments to realise we match. We both blushed at the realisation. Of course the TARDIS makes us match! No wonder why she was more than eager to help me pick an outfit! Stupid sentient ship, shipping us already!

I quickly cleared my throat and complimented everyone on how amazing they looked but I just couldn't take my eyes off the Doctor for long. She was like a magnet for my eyes. Someone help before she realises!

"Don't we all look brilliant? Perfect for the party! 18th century Yorkshire to be exact! What a great century for you guys. Now then, this party is for Nobles and higher, as per usual in these times. Ryan, I suggest you keep in mind about any racist comments that may come out. But as long as you say your Graham's personal butler, you should be welcomed with little resistance. And Yaz, I want you to be (y/n)'s personal maid. That does mean you'll have to follow your so called "masters" around and do anything they ask unfortunately and Graham, (y/n), please act like the others around you and use them. Unfortunately this is the only way all 5 of us can join the party. You'll be fine as long as you bite your tongues. Now the Noble Edward Collins is the host so be sure to thank him for inviting you, even though you technically weren't. And try not to get too drunk, I know what you humans are like! Now follow me." The Doctor explained. I was going to tell the Doctor today, but I guess, I'll have to wait.

The Doctor opened the doors and we were in a cupboard under some gorgeous marble stairs. As we walked towards the party I noticed some family portraits along the walls. They were a very beautiful looking family. The mother had long blonde hair and pale blue eyes. The father was buff, long brown hair and daring brown eyes. There were two children, a girl and a boy. The girl had long brown hair and sparkling blue eyes, whilst the son had blonde hair and brown eyes. They also had a brown greyhound dog laying by the sons feet. The son must be the host, Edward. He looked not much older than 10 in the last painting but the daughter was no where to be found in the portrait and theu all looked mournful. Is she dead and is that the picture capturing the moment of grief? Why would anyone want that? It's so strange, even for this time period.

The Doctor held me and Yaz close, stopping us in our tracks. My heart was racing at the simple touch. But as soon as the touch was there, it was gone. "I hope its okay with you (y/n) but you're going to have to be married to someone."

My heart stopped for a moment and I nearly choked on air. "What? Why?"

"Because women like yourself would have been married as young as 13 or 14. Now your only choices are me and Graham. You can't choose Ryan as he's supposed to be a butler and you can't choose Yaz as she's your maid. The choice is yours, I just need to know wether or not I should refer to you as my darling wife or not?"

What. The. Fuck.

Why did her even calling me that l, turn me on? Obviously, I'm going to choose her but I'm going to have to perfect my reasoning here.

"As much as I love Graham, it's going to be awkward if I have to kiss him or anything because he's like my grandad! I guess you'll do Timelord. Come on then husband, we don't want to be late to the dancefloor!" I spoke clearly hoping she didn't notice how excited I actually was to have even a hint of a relationship with her. It may be fake but ill take anything when it comes to her.

We arrived at the welcome committee and handed our cards over, aka the psychic paper. We were going as Mr and Mrs (last name). The Doctor was holding my hand this entire time and it's driving me insane. I don't know if she can feel my racing pulse under her fingers but if she can I hope she puts it down to excitement! We walked down the most grandest staircase you would ever lay your eyes on.

First we walked around, greeting everyone as they came up to us or if she dragged me to someone she knew, but not personally. She was cute when she was fangirling over these people. Yaz found it annoying as she just wanted to party but I couldn't help it. The way her eyes shimmer with recognition was more beautiful than any galaxy she could ever take us. Sometimes her eyes flickered with admiration and it did make me have jealousy for just a moment before I remembered, I'm staying with her and they aren't .

As the party moved on we met the host Edward. He looked a lot different than in his paintings. He was around 20 years old now and his blonde hair was below his shoulders. He looked a lot like his father with his muscley build. And he was very charismatic which I did not like as he poured all his charm into the Doctor. Does everyone here know that he's gay or does he see through the Doctors disguise? Either way, it was rubbing me the wrong way. I quickly excused myself with Yaz and walked into the bathroom.

"I did not like him. I do not like this Edward guy. Something about him rubs me completely wrong. He's handsome but something is telling me he knows the Doctor isn't a man."

"I felt the same way. He knows something we don't. Before we go out there again, do you mind if I ask you a question?" Yaz asked. My mind was racing a hundred miles an hour. She knows. The jig is up with Yaz. "How do you feel about her, honestly? One minute you 2 are inseparable, then you distance yourself and now you are a nervous wreck around her! I won't judge but I just want to make sure my theory is correct."

Shit. I guess I really was obvious. Does she know?

"If your theory is about me falling hopelessly in love with the Doctor then you'd be correct. I can't help it. I'm going to tell her how I feel without being completely stupid. I just need a right moment to say it." I spoke with a heavy sigh. Hopefully, Yaz can help create that moment thay I need. She nods her head and opens the door. We walk back to the Doctor and notice Edward has gone to other guests and she was talking to Graham. I looked around and saw Ryan flirting with a pretty lady near the food table. Why am I not surprised?

A few hours had passed and the Doctor seemed bored with standing and talking so I made a plan in my head. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to the dancefloor as the next song came on. I didn't quite know how to dance properly but I knew the basics if it. She has to lead and I simply follow suit. It took a few moments but I got the hang of it with the Doctors help. Soon we were dancing so gracefully underneath the most beautiful candelabra that lit up her face perfectly.

Her hair swayed to our perfect dance ever so gently. Her eyes sparkled with amusement and her lips were in a permanent smile. She even laughed a couple of times. Then as the music slowed down to a pace that was perfect, I grabbed her waist and looked her. My heart was going crazy and my legs were about to buckle but I had rehearsed my lines. I can do this.

"Hey Doc. Its been an amazing time with you but I can't continue this without being honest with you. But everytime I get close, I back down in fear. So I'm going to let you figure it out. Doctora te amo. Entiendo que si no sientes lo mismo y me iré si quieres. (Doctor i love you. i understand if you don't feel the same way and i'll leave if you want.)" I spoke with as much passion and intention as I could. I looked into her eyes and saw her confused and trying to work out what I said. I would find it cute if my heart was beating right out of my chest. "Well, I've had a great time but I'm fucking knackered. I'm calling it night. I'll be heading to the TARDIS if you need me."

"I'll come with ya. I'm knackered as well and we both need each other to undo the corsets and mine is starting to hurt a little bit. How we used to do this for a full day, everyday, is beyond my understanding. As beautiful as we look, I don't think its worth the pain this will bring in the morning." Yaz spoke with a slight mumble as proof of her mental state and finishing with a yawn. I chuckled at her state and walked back to the TARDIS with a small amount of chat along the way.

She is right though. These corsets really do hurt you after a while, I'm glad I chose not to wear heels or else I'll be fucked for in the morning. I would literally scream. I think the Doctor had the right idea in wearing a suit, no pain. I do feel bad for leaving her but I just need some space after basically admitting everything that's been built up within me for too damn long. Maybe I should tell Yaz how it went and maybe she can help determine if the Doctor is happy or not.

We walked back into the wardrobe room and I helped Yaz out of her corset. She immediately sighed in relief. She finished getting herself into comfy clothes and started to untie my ribbon.

"So did you tell her?"

"Sort of. I basically told her everything but in Spanish. I just hope it doesn't change anything, except in a positive way, of course! If she wants me gone, I've told her that it's fine and I understand. She's very socially awkward and as cute as I find it, it may not help me in this situation. Do you have any clues on how she may react once she figures it out?"

Yaz stopped untying my corset for a moment and placed 1 finger upon her chin in thought. Her eyes were almost shut and seemed almost completely black in the light. After what seemed like forever, she took her finger off her chin and beamed a toothy smile. Her eyes sparkled as she remembered something and seemed to gleam slightly menacingly. A smirk replaced her smile soon after.

"There's a few times she's shown affection towards you. And I mean romantic affection. She always chooses to hold your hand over anyone else's if given the choice. She always steps I'm front of you when an enemy threatens to kill us all or hurt us in anyway. When you go wandering around on your own, she's terrified thats she's lost you forever to an enemy we don't even know of!" Yaz starts explaining carefully as if she's worried on how to word it.

"Those are just friendly affec-"

"I wasn't done. I was warming up." Yaz interrupts me as I was about to go into a self deprecating speech on how I'm just a friend to everyone and never a lover. "She always looks to see your face on adventures because she secretly loves your reactions, bad or good. When the Master revealed himself, she looked straight at you for support on how she should react. When she came back from the Kasavin, she ran straight to you and made sure you were ok first before any of us. When we were in the Tsungra medical ship, the first person she asked for was you! Whilst she was unconscious on board the ship, she kept mumbling your name, over and over again. When she saw how gorgeous you looked today, I thought she'd take you right there on the spot! She fucking loves you (y/n)! You're just so unbelievably blind to it all!"

Yaz was almost red with rage. Did she really do all that, for me? The TARDIS mustve read my mind and seemed to hum positively in reply. If everything Yaz said is true then she'll be so happy about it and maybe we can be a thing! But then again, maybe losing so many in a similar position as me will turn her away. Maybe her soul is awry and she's asking why right now.

Once I had gotten changed I went to sleep almost straight away, I suppose all that dancing and social ques having tired me out more than I thought.

I woke up to a soft knock on my door. I rubbed my (e/c) eyes and told them I'd be a few minutes as I've only just woken up. It wasn't until I finished brushing my (h/c) hair that I remembered what happened yesterday. All the panic rushed within me at once and I nearly threw up. I took several deep breaths and opened the door.

"GRAHAM THANK FUCK ITS YOU!" I almost shouted at him. He looked a little bewildered for a moment before he seemed to remember what brought him here in the first place.

"Hello Love, I'm here because Doc wanted to speak with you privately in the library. She says that the TARDIS will guide you to her location. She seemed a little off after you and Yaz left. Did something happen? Is everything ok?" Graham asked cautiously. He must be so confused.

"Sort of. I'll explain more when I get back but what do you mean by "a little off"?"

"Well she seemed lost in all sense of the word. She kept muttering "Te Amo" all the time. She was all over the place aswell. She got me and Ryan back here not long after you guys. Something about not trusting Ryan to not get alcohol poisoning without her around. She hasn't really left the library since if I'm honest. She's been in there for 12 hours. I only know she wants you because she whattsapped me on my phone. Whatever is going on, please sort it out, she's starting to really worry me. She hasn't been the same since that Master guy came around." Graham spoke clearly, albeit confused. I nodded my head and walked in the opposite direction to him and hoped the TARDIS would take me there quicker than normal. I want to treat this like a plaster, rip it off in one go.

Sooner than I realised, I grabbed the all too familiar door knob of the library. I took a deep breath and walked in. A blue line appeared towards the interactive map. I awakened the console and I saw a black screen with a few words on it. It looked like a message with how it was presented.

Hello (y/n)! Don't walk until you calm. Breath deeply and try not to panic. I promise you, all will work out in the end. I see more than you realise and I know my thief better than anyone whoever stepped foot into my being. I know of her main problem about the situation. If she loves you, drink this. It won't hurt, she'll know what it is.

The TARDIS

I should have been surprised by this new knowledge that she could speak to me, in a way, but I've seen so much and I am so tender hooks so I didn't take much notice of it. I quickly sat down and tried to control my breathing. After about 5 or so minutes, I felt calm enough to finally meet up with her and hear what she has to say.

I followed the blue line carefully until I spotted her in a comfy room. She mustve gotten changed at some point as she was wearing her usual rainbow outfit, minus the jacket. She was sat on a deep purple sofa, legs curled into her body. Her shoes were on the carpeted floor underneath her, seemingly forgotten for the moment. There were many books surrounding us from many cultures and spieces. One wall had a cozy wood burning fireplace crackling within the silence that surrounded us.

Her face was scrunched within deep thought. Her eyes sparkling with an emotion that I couldn't quite put my finger on; hope, sorrow or excitement? Her lips had a small smirk gracing them and her teeth had bitten a small part of it. Her hands were holding a book in a way where I couldn't quite see what it was.

I didn't want to disturb her as she looked so ethereal with the warm glow of the fire highlighting her in the perfect way. Unfortunately, it's plaster time and I wanted this sorted sooner rather than later. I took a deep breath took in the picture for memory.

"Hey, Graham said you wanted to talk to me? Is everything ok?" I asked gently and as softly as I could so she was carefully brought out of her little world. I didn't want to scare her. She raised her eyes from her book for a moment and bookmarked the page she was at with a little TARDIS paperclip. She placed the book on the table at the side of her and patted the seat next to her.

As I sat down my nerves were through the roof. She gave nothing away as she stared at me for a minute, as if assessing something about me.

"Why are you so nervous? Calm down. You are right, It is to do with last night. You left pretty abruptly after basically confessing your feelings to me. I was so confused, not just about what you said but about myself and what I wanted to do about you." The Doctor spoke monotonously. Did she mean get rid of me? "I had to first of all, find out what you said, well done on learning a new language by the way, one even I'm not fluent at. I'm guessing the old girl had something to do with that idea. Not that, you aren't smart enough but you don't know what languages I do or don't know."

The Tardis seemed to chuckled at the accusation and I simply nodded my head. "I wanted to buy myself time and to impress you."

"You impressed me a long time ago Miss (l/n). That is just a cherry on top. After I figured out what you said, no thanks to my old friend here, I went through a lot of thinking. I've not been in many relationships and you know my history regarding the ones I have been in. You know, River and Missy? And I have such a bad past with it ending in nothing but tears for me. I always lose those I care for deeply." She spoke with tears spilling from her gorgeous eyes. I grabbed her face gently and wiped away the stray tears that managed to escape their home.

"That was when you were a man. You're a woman now, everything is so different. Relationships can be heartbreaking. I know what you're main problem is and the TARDIS has a solution to that. I just need you to tell me the truth. How do you feel about me? Do you want me to stay or not?" I stated holding the small shot glassed amount of liquid in my hand. The liquid was golden and sparkled slightly in the light. There were specks of orange and silver within it and it was as hot as a nice cup of (hot drink). Her eyes sparkled with hope and shock. Her lips were smiling wide. And she seemed to giggle at the sight of it. She held it for a moment as if examining it like a rare artefact, maybe it was. Either way, I trust her judgement and if she's happy about it, then so am I. Once she had analysed the drink, she practically leapt into my arms and pushed me down on my back. She smelled of custard creams and the TARDIS which was odd but completely her and I couldn't imagine her smelling any other way.

"That does solve our problem! What she has just given you is the rarest liquid in the universe seeing as only one thing in the entirety of space can produce it. That drink is known as the nectar of the chosen ones. It's rare as the race that used to make them has practically gone extinct. There's only 3 left in the known universe and you're living in one. That drink is the blood of the TARDIS. It grants you immortality if you drink it. It is said to resemble your favourite beverage no matter who you are. However, it only lasts 100 years and you must drink it every century or else your body clock will kick in and you will age and be as mortal as you are now." She speaks with a warning as we sit up holding holds.

"I have no problem with that. I would sacrifice everything if it meant I got to call you mine. Just please tell me and I'll drink it." I told her with adoration in my eyes.

She held me close and planted a soft and gentle kiss to my lips. It was short but it sent more fireworks than you can imagine through my body. I knew I had found her. She grabbed my waist and whispered next to my ear:

"Te Amo"

[uncloseted]

do you think some people can just never be in a committed relationship, or loyal? i've come close to, or cheated in every relationship i've been in (not been in a lot of relationships, but still). idk what drives me to do this, i feel terribly guilty after it happens and i KNOW there's no excuse/justification for it but i just dont know why i do this

Anonymous asked: To the person asking if Effy ever grew attached to the ppl she slept with... I read somewhere that after three times of sleeping with someone, the brain starts considering it "a relationship" (don't @ on that, I'm still not sure if it's just pseudo-psychology although even being that, there could still exist some truth in that statement bc of the way we're socialized) and like Christina said, she probably never slept with the same person more than once (which also probably contributed to her aura of mystery). She started to "fck (Cook) occasionally" like she said herself and she did end up kinda developing feelings for him.

Anonymous asked: So i’ve recently watching https://youtu.be/6LDP_SyswNk @Aba & Preach v 10 Girls (Fresh&Fit After Hours) and it’s interesting to hear your opinion about this discussion?

Anonymous asked:

Do you believe ‘in fact’ that all (heterosexual) men cheat (sleep with other women without their “regular partner” consent) is untold rule ? That men in nature are polyamorous and they can fuck without emotional attachment, but when it comes with women it’s not the same ?

I've been getting a lot of messages like these lately, so I want to do some myth busting about sex and sexuality. Research on sex and sexuality is relatively limited and tends to be done from a heteronormative, white, male perspective, leading both to gaps in our knowledge about sex and sexuality as well as misleading conclusions from the research that has been done. Further, there are all sorts of cultural and societal factors that complicate these types of issues, meaning that anyone who makes claims of "all men..." or "all women..." should be treated with suspicion. It's almost not worth trying to untangle the data because so much of it is just kind of bad... but bad data is better than believing people who make claims without any evidence, so let's get into it.

First things first, let's talk a little bit about sex and gender.

An estimated 3.5% of adults in the United States identify as lesbian, gay, or bisexual and an estimated 0.3% of adults are transgender. An estimated 8.2% report that they have engaged in same-sex sexual behavior and nearly 11% acknowledge at least some same-sex sexual attraction. About 1.7% of people are intersex, although the number of people with ambiguous genitals or who are "not classifiable as either male or female" is more like 0.02% to 0.05%. of people. About 1% of the population is asexual. These numbers are increasing as marginalized gender and sexual identities are becoming more discussed and more accepted. For example, one study found that worldwide, 13% of Gen Z identifies as homosexual or bisexual, while only 3% of Boomers do. And these numbers are higher in Europe and North America.

Other studies suggest that the number of people who have sex with people of their same sex are higher than the number of people who identify as LGBT. The International HIV/AIDS Alliance estimates that between 3-16% of men worldwide have had sex with another man. An analysis of 67 studies found that the lifetime prevalence of sex between men, regardless of their sexual orientation, was 3–5% for East Asia, 6–12% for South and South East Asia, 6–15% for Eastern Europe, and 6–20% for Latin America.

I mention all of this just to illustrate that studies of sex and gender are really complicated. There's a significant percentage of people who are partially or completely left out of the conversation about sexuality, meaning that the idea that "all men" or "all women" act a certain way is fundamentally limited. And the idea that there's a "male brain" or "female brain" that react different ways to sex is incredibly simplistic and not really productive.

Sexual Desire

Sex can mean a lot of different things to people, and it means different things to different people at different times in their lives. It can be an expression of romantic love and intimacy, or an emotional roller coaster, or a way to relieve tension, or a way to procreate, or something that's fun to do in the moment... it's hard to paint all of these different experiences with a broad brush. To compound that difficulty, women's sexuality has historically been cast as something dirty or shameful; societies have historically been more critical of women's sexual desires than heterosexual men's. So when discussing desire, especially female desire, we have to consider the social and cultural factors that impact behavior as well as the biological ones. The number of women who "report" feeling a certain way in research studies may not be an accurate representation of how many women feel that way due to feelings of guilt and shame.

That said, we do have some idea of where, statistically speaking, female sexuality is similar to male sexuality and where it differs. A 2019 meta-analysis found that nervous system responses to sexual and erotic images weren't tied to the biological sex assigned to participants at birth; men don't have a stronger reaction to erotic images than women do. Despite this, there's a distinct discrepancy between male pleasure and female pleasure, with women experiencing orgasms less frequently and engaging in sexual acts without feeling sexual desire. Women are often not taught about their bodies and are discouraged from exploring their own sexuality, meaning that there is a significant group of women who are having unsatisfying sex out of obligation to their partner. These are just a few reasons why women may appear to be less sexual than men, even though this doesn't pan out in non-subjective research.

In terms of attachment, I couldn't find any literature suggesting that men don't form emotional attachments after sex or that their brains react differently to sex than women's brains do. While sex absolutely can lead to emotional attachments, there's no hard and fast rule about how long it takes for that to happen, and seems to have more to do with how the individuals interact with one another than it has to do with the presence of sex in the relationship itself. Some of the research I could find actually suggested that men fall in love more readily than women do, and that women fall out of love more quickly than men do, but again, these studies are limited in scope and relatively old.

Polyamory and Open Relationships

Now let's talk a little bit about polyamory and open relationships. For the purposes of this discussion, we're talking primarily about people who consensually have sex with multiple partners outside of their primary partner, although "polyamory" can be used to describe romantic relationships as well.

As with everything else I'm talking about here, research on polyamory is limited. One study found that 16.8% of people desire to engage in polyamory, and 10.7% of people had engaged in polyamory at some point during their lives. Another study found that as of 2019, about 20% of the US population has, at one point in their lives, engaged in some sort of consensual non-monogamy. However, while these numbers are striking, they seem to mostly reflect a fantasy or desire. According to the 2012 National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, only 4% of respondents reported currently being in an open relationship. Another study found that, out of 903 people who had an agreement with their partner allowing extramarital sex, only 24% had actually engaged in extramarital sex in the previous year. These statistics also do not account for people who were engaged in non-monogamy alongside their partner (such as in a threesome).

A number of things can motivate polyamory or open marriages. These include liking or being attracted to another person but not wanting to end the primary relationship, one partner not being able to fulfill the other partner's emotional needs, differing sex drives, one or both partners wanting more freedom and variety, a need for a challenge or a change, distance, social, and economic factors. While some people view polyamory as a sexual identity similar to being gay, the idea that some people are non-monogamous by nature is difficult to substantiate. It may be that monogamy is a spectrum, with some people being totally monogamous, others totally polyamorous, and most people in the middle in terms of their desire for and comfort with extra-relationship affairs. Some research actually suggests that monogamy is more difficult for women than it is for men, possibly because it is culturally accepted that men will struggle with monogamy, while women are expected to desire or value it.

The outcomes of open relationships range from the positive to the negative and neutral. 76% of couples in open marriages described the quality of their relationship as "better than average" or "outstanding". However, one study found that 80% of people who initially had open relationships shifted towards sexual monogamy over time. 60% of people who said that non-monogamy was their ideal form of romantic relationships changed their views to being sexually monogamous by five years later. There are many reasons why this may happen; 80% of couples in open relationships experience jealousy over their partner's relationships. Some felt that non-monogamy was too time consuming, took too much energy, was too complicated, or got in the way of developing love, trust, and more intimate relationships with a partner. Open marriage is perceived as a primary cause of divorce in approximately 2% of divorces, although couples who were non-monogamous were not at a higher risk for divorce than monogamous couples. The open relationships that are most successful are ones with communication, trust, the maintenance of boundaries, and good time management skills.

Cheating

Approximately 12% of men and 7% of women admit to having an extramarital affair in their lifetime, although women may be less likely to admit to having an extramarital affair because it's seen as more shameful for them than for their male partner. Women may also be less likely to engage in infidelity as a reflection of traditional gender-based differences in power that exist in society. Women who were more financially independent and in positions of power were more likely to be unfaithful to their partners. Another study found that when the tendency to engage in risky behaviors was controlled for, there was no gender difference in the likelihood of being unfaithful.

Why do people cheat?

People cheat for a variety of reasons, many of which have nothing to do with sex. In addition to being sexually unsatisfied in a relationship, being emotionally unsatisfied in the relationship, a lack of communication and understanding within the relationship, feelings of being disconnected from their partner, and a need for affirmation or an ego boost can lead people to cheat. Men may also cheat "because they can"- it's socially and culturally permitted (and expected) in a way that it isn't for women.

Some researchers theorize that the discrepancy between male and female levels of cheating may in part have to do with culturally influenced sexual attachment styles. More men are reported to have insecure, dismissing, avoidant attachment styles, where they attempt to minimize their emotional experiences, deny their need for intimacy, and maintain their autonomy, which can lead to more sexually promiscuous behavior than their counterparts with other attachment styles. Individuals who grew up in an environment where cheating was common are more likely to cheat themselves.

Some genetic predictors for cheating have also been suggested, although more research needs to be done in this arena. A 2015 study found a correlation between expression of the AVPR1A and predisposition to infidelity in women, but not in men. People with a genetic variation of the DRD4 gene called 7R+ were more likely to engage in "thrill seeking behavior", including infidelity. However, gender doesn't play a role in genetic variation- a similar number of men and women have the 7R+ mutation.

Are some people incapable of being loyal?

The short answer is no. Plenty of people have maladaptive attachment styles or genetic predispositions to negative behaviors, but that doesn't mean that they're bound by those factors. For example, plenty of people are genetically predisposed towards alcoholism, but only a small percentage of those people actually become alcoholics, and about 35.9% of those people recover from their alcoholism within a year. Other factors are always at play. Even if you take the evolutionary psychology view that men will always cheat because "that's what they're designed to do" (which...you shouldn't take that view. Evolutionary psychology is an incredibly controversial field, and even within it there's a ton of debate on this topic), humans do all sorts of things every day that we're not "designed" to do. We live in cities and work 40 hour a week jobs and watch TikTok. None of that is "natural", but it doesn't necessarily mean that we shouldn't be doing it. And on the flip side, there are all sorts of "unnatural" things that are good for us. Modern medicine is great. To create an even more literal parallel, tons of people are vegetarians- between 1.2% and 39%, depending on the country- even though meat is readily available and we're "designed" to be carnivorous. The decisions that we make are a product of all sorts of factors, not just biology.

Wrapping Up

People are just people. They're complicated and they want different things, regardless of sexual identity or gender. But ultimately, we have a choice in what we do and don't do. The only real rules are that we should express our needs to any partner(s) that we have, and to be honest with them about what we want. The only thing that's not okay is crossing your partner's boundaries.

[surviving---not---living]

What the fuck do I do?...

**tw emotional/physical abuse mentions**

posted this on reddit with different ages and such so he wont find it but he doesnt use tumblr so I wanted to post here to see if yall had some suggestions as well any help would be greatly appreciated or to just know someone read would also be enough... with that said I'll paste the post.

to start I'm 23f and the fiance is 38m

I have an idea of what i should do i just sincerely dont want to i dont want to leave him homeless and without money or a job...

but the last few months have me scared and confused...

(during arguments he let's me write down what's happening when I hear something that stands out to me in Hope's itll help me fix my behaviour i got from my parents so ive been able to write down exact wording on some things said) theres just so much going on...

to preface this hes never been physically abusive to me and thankfully it's not there yet. in his defense though i was raised very incorrectly due to shit parents and I have a lot of mental issues that cause self sabotage, delusional thinking- meaning If I personally believe something it usually takes a small war to get my mind to recognize im actually wrong, as well as terrible memory so if I do acknowledge I've done something wrong more often than not my head forgets what happened or what i even did wrong if anything and the next time it inevitably happens again I have no information to pull from to tell me what I did was wrong or why. so basically I'm kind of a fuck up, I'm doing my best to fix my shit but yeah my fiance has been dealing with all of that for 4 years now.

(*some minorly important issues

•he's been interrupting me not letting me finish what I'm saying and just outright changing the topic since we first got together, although wrong of me I started doing that as well because i saw no other way to be able to speak to him except even when I'm doing the exact same shit hes doing it seems like hes the only allowed to be upset.

•we were in an open relationship except he didnt follow the rules we agreed to one time and that broke my trust I had for him. we said no coworkers, we said only people we were both interested in we said no one that's taken and yet all of those got broken over an ugly bitch. and I still get shit for bringing it up to this day.

•he said that until I start prefacing all of my conversations with him he wont count any attempt I've made at talking to him about my problems. so basically everything I've tried talking to him about doesnt fucking matter and it doesnt fucking count. not even when I tried telling him 3 separate times I'm feeling suicidal to top it off everytime i mentioned it, it ended in an argument.

•he told me he got suicidal thoughts for the first time in 10 years due to me and honestly I didnt know how to fucking respond to that. it made me sad yeah but where was the care I needed when I brought up the same thing? where was his give a fuck hes supposed to show if he actually cares about me??

•he says he interrupts me because what I have to say is either false, not grounded in reality, or they're excuses. except he has little to no way of knowing any of that is true unless he hears me all the way out I could be agreeing with him and he still interrupts and gets pissed.

•I believe hes a hypocrite but he says nah hes only doing this because I'm doing bad.

•hes said multiple times that i wont see any improvement in him until he sees I've got my shit together. even though hes the one that caused the first problems in this relationship I'm supposed to be the first one to fix my shit? instead of both of us working on our shit together??? and when I ask those questions he responds with yes you are supposed to be the first one to fix your shit because I'm at the end of my rope and I wont take this anymore.)

but on to why I've been scared. this person told me he used to be abusive with an equally abusive ex for many reasons and after splitting up he vowed to never do that again and never end up like they did.

fast forward to our relationship and well a few months ago he told me he wanted to hit me and made it a point to say he wasnt going to but he really wanted to.

he said that because we were both in my car and he wanted to leave with the car except I wasnt going to get out of MY car so he started yelling, i got scared and left later on he told me that was the first time hes ever wanted to hit me and I should think about what it is I did to get him to that point. after that I left it alone for a month because things got a bit better and then came the next time he said he wanted to hit me. now I dont remember the reason for him saying it the second time but I wasnt going to let that slip as easily as the first so I spoke up about it and what he had to say about me telling him it made me scared of him to know he wanted to hit me was " well if you Weren't a coward, normally when someone says they want to hit you it's a signal that you're doing something so wrong that they want to hit you." and me knowing him i knew this was one of those times he just wasnt going to budge.

so on to the next argument.

he told me I'm the one who thrust those thoughts into him, that I'm the reason they ever came to be, I'm why the exist in the first place. and he doesnt seem to understand when I say that no I'm not the reason your head wants to hurt me they exist there because of your last relationship letting that be an option. he also said he keeps the option of abuse in his head with a line in front of it to remind him to never pass that line and he doesn't understand that keeping that idea in his head at all is not a good thing because now the option is available whether you want to take it or not and

he. just. kept. arguing. and defending.

now on to the last argument.

he says he wants me to stop putting him in a position to do all the thinking and decision making for me, when I've asked him multiple times to stop doing that because I want to do shit for myself and all he keeps saying is show me that you can actually think for yourself and I'll stop needing to do that. like motherfucker at least give me the time to make decisions or thoughts.

I know it's not his fault that I take longer to process things but he knows this fact and keeps expecting me to already have a response half a second later to something I'm barely registering 5 seconds after it happened and again yes I know its something I have to work on and I am but atm it's still an existing issue.

hes trying to call thinking for me and making decisions for me "a gift" (the exact context for him saying this wasnt written down as I was too upset at the audacity of that claim.)

he wants me to show overwhelming efforts to fix my fucked behavioral issues but the efforts I'm putting in atm dont matter to him and that hes hanging on a single thread hes no longer willing to take anything but Absolute compliance(yes he used the actual words absolute compliance) if he doesnt see me losing sleep to figure out and fix my shit he wont be convinced I'm trying. he ended that segment with him saying hes not using these words to control or manipulate me. he says this is a requirement a yes or no and he wont make his decision on whether he wants to break up with me until I say yes or no to his absolute compliance. he said his decision is solely based on my answer and If i say yes i dont get to back off or get out of it.

I also wrote down a quote he said that was just so arrogant i couldnt leave it out.

"You sit before an artisan of problem solving." -my fiance

soo haha yeahh the last argument happened right before going to bed and I started typing this as soon as I got up and finished my hygiene stuff.

I'm pretty sure if he had never told me he'd wanted to hit me this wouldn't be such a difficult thing to answer... I love him and I have no idea if I should pick him and risk any form of my safety or just let him leave me.. he has no job, no money, and no family to go to.. I know he doesnt care about being homeless but I do care..I fucking love him and I dont want that for him not even for a day... as shitty as he and I can both be I still dont believe that's what he deserves... if he ever finds this hell be even more pissed that I'm even concerned about what he'll do if he leaves.. he always told me to not care and that if I ever do want to leave him to not worry about that and just get it over with sooner.. thing is I dont want to leave I just want my baby back... the one that didnt yell or didnt want to hit me at all... I want our old relationship back.. I guess I want to know if that's even possible at this point. any words from anyone would be really nice right now.. if only to just feel like someone's talking to me.. my fiance is literally the only person I talk to and the closest thing to a friend I have. and i dont tell my parents any of what's happening because they're stressed enough so I've been basically alone for 4 years with no one but my fiance to talk to..

granted it's my fault I havent made other friends but I've been so stressed recently that I havent done much about it for many reasons..

update: he just finished telling me that hes only had half a burger in the last 3 days, (due to stress) he just wanted to let me know that apparently.

[og-danny-dorito]

Abe and a fem s/o getting frisky for the first time would be epic 👀

GOD hey sorry this took so long and okay YES because I'm nasty, but also because pure fish boy is my life =w=

. In repayment for being patient for so long i put some extra effort into this one. I hope u like em ;3

Abe And Fem!S/o’s First Time :


- SO i love my fish boy and hold him dearly to my heart with all of my being, but when i say this it’s the truth and i can’t do anything about it: he has literally no expirence. Like, at all

- now this is for a number of reasons, mainly being that he doesnt get out of the base often and not everyone there is a part of the Monsterfucker ClubTM, but do i really need to list off why he doesnt have any expieince??? He’s probably demisexual already, but he doesnt even leave the library often, so why would he have any sexual expirnece or real exposure (hes pure, dont @ me)

- so this evidently means that when you bring it up to him while the two of you are alone, he’s going to mentally loose his shit. Outwardly he might just falter a little bit and say “Pardon?” but internally he’s not only screeching but panicking because Jesus Christ ive never dONE THIS BEFORE

- seriously, you havent even done anything and he’s panicking already. At first he might be kinda evasive about it because truth be told, he’s not even sure how that would work. I have my own theories about abe’s uhhhh,,,, reproductive anatomy, but generally speaking none of them entail human assets in any way shape or form. At least, not mostly.

- now we already know my mans is self conscious about his body with a human s/o already, and so this amps up his anxiety. What if you dont like the way he looks? What if you don’t find him attractive anymore?? What if-

- abe is terrified, and i’ts obvious in the way he evades you after asking. Reassuring him that it’s okay if he doesn’t want to makes him even MORE embarassed, but he guesses that it would've been brought up at some point, right??? It takes some discussion and some very quiet and vague questions from abe, but after like an hour of discussion he finally agrees that it’s a good idea and confirms that he wants to

- it cant be that bad, right? He might not be completely clueless the whole time, right??? Well, his reassurances turn against him as soon as youre behind closed doors. He’s more nervous than hes every been ever and he’s bouncing his legs while he waits at the edge of the bed with his eyes GLUED to the floor

- ‘is it rude to look? Wait, no, we’re havng sex, why would Y/n not want me to look- but maybe they’re self conscious- OH TAKING OFF THE SHIRT U H H H ALRIGHT JUST,,, ACT NATURAL.’ And then he just doesn't look you in the eye the whole time cause he doesnt want to seem like he’s doing something wrong - -;

- regardless though, this whole point I'm trying to get at is pretty obvious. Abe doesnt know what he’s doing and if YOU know what you’re doing, you’re going to have to guide him through it. Abe is a quick learner and so maybe on the third or fourth time he’ll finally get a grip on what he’s doing, or at least start trying more adamatley to get a grip on what he’s doing

- now, it’s very likely that my mans is submissive in the beginning and as time goes on proceeds to be the bottom he is, mainly due to the fact that he's extremely sensitive in areas you wouldnt flinch at if you were touched there. For comparison i prepared one of my diagrams to help you with visualizing. This is going to ave an actual picture of abe since there aren't very many outlines of fish men for purposes such as these very scientific ones

- as you can see his gills are extremely snsitive, as well as his back, thighs, neck, pecs, and ribs. If you touch where his happy trail WOULD be if he like, had hair, theres an instant boner and it will appear with or without his permission, no questions asked. When he gets aroused he tends to be very avoidant of himself because he doesnt think it’s proper for him to get so riled up over such simple things, but he does and he hides it terribly. This is where kinks come in (one of his being teasing even though he begs for you to stop every time you do it to him, thus revealing begging), but that’s not our main focus

- his touch is essentially hesitant and needy all at the same time, and so your first time he might actually shake a little with nervousness and need. I say he lasts five minutes tops if you’re just going to dish out whats going on, but ten minutes if you're going to add some foreplay into it and maybe get a little bit of devotional reassurance afterwards

- if it’s BOTH your first time he’ll suggest research but try to avoid porn because he’s embarrassed to even process the concept of watching it and also pornography caters to monster fuckers but doesnt give anatomy-accurate diagrams on what to do with his dick so you’re gonna have to mostly wing it

- overall boyfriend rating is 10/10; inexpirenced, but still eager and willing to follow orders correctly. Best bottom, v sweet boy. Needs emotional support afterwards.

Thanks For Asking! :)

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Charmed 03x04 review SPOILERS!!!!!!

I really liked this episode so much that I actually had to be nitpicky to fill the dislike section. This episode brought back some of the very missed parts in season 1 that season 2 didn't fill. Mainly a feeling of domesticity combined with the looming danger. Season two was very much constant drama and angst. At the same time, Mel was given a relevant and very true to her character storyline that wasn't rushed unlike season 2.

The vibe felt like a good balance of season 1 and 2. I was entertained and intrigued by the promise of new lore-what is older than the oldest recorded magic?- and satisfied with the jokey/serious bits (like Macy's underfed and overhyped libido). Its a solid 8/10 (only because i save my 9 for the later episodes) because it is kinda rebooting itself again, in that we are getting a "new" magical text (the rock) there isn't anything to complain about lore/canon-wise and I am intrigued so I'll give it a solid 8/10 lore wise as well because the previous seasons set lore hasnt been contradicted so far.

I am super happy with what we've got so far. Moving on.

Dislikes

1. The new monster/threat seems more science fiction than fantasy/magic.

This is a nitpick. I am not unhappy about it but even when the OG Charmed and even Supernatural played with concepts traditionally reserved for sci-fi (parallel dimensions, alternate universes, and alien abductions for example) it still felt true to the genre of fantasy/supernatural/play on religon/etc. As soon as I saw the monster I screamed "It's an Alien!". And the end scene had me asking when Charmed became a sci-fi show. I am interested in where its going but it really was a noticeable shift in vibe so I have it in my dislikes.

2. Suffering as protest

I am not mad at it. I get it. And overall the message is that there is always cost to disrupting the status quo and we have to be willing to deal with that...... BUT, risking your emotional and mental health in abusive situations that you can get out of seems like too much. I believe that you can and should force yourself into spaces that people try to exclude you from and dealing with the reactions (usually negative) that come from that. But living with someone who is emotionally and mentally abusive is not okay. I would never tell a woman or man to continue living with someone who resents and retaliates against them for just being themselves in the hopes they will change somewhere down the line.

I do get it, I just think it is a fine line to walk. I dont think the show handled it poorly. I've seen worse, but it is important to be conscious of the possible ways it can be viewed or possibly trigger people.

3. So.....they not dead and its okay

They may explain it later which is why I didn't count it against the episode lore/cannon wise, but if they are using real names now does that mean they aren't legally dead now. Was that a magic reversal? Or they just magicked thier way passed the credentials and legal documents like last season? I give a pass since I felt the whole witchness protection program thing was underdeveloped anyways and they cam quickly resolve it was a throw away line later on. It's not a devastating contradiction to lore in the grand scheme of things.

Likes

1. The domesticity

Unlike last season the small ways they have shown the sisters routines helps to feel as if they are close and that they are a family and not just people forced together by duty, circumstance, and blood. They all felt closer to each other even with the lack of being physically close. And that's was done just by quick scenes showing how they know each others routines, how thier lives overlap, and how they interact with each other. Making breakfast, grabbing coffee for each other, walking together to the university. Little things like that made such a huge difference in my opinion.

2. Mel doing her thing!

I think what made season 1 Mel so great was that drive to help people. Not out of some idea of duty or responsibility, but out of truly being passionate about fighting with those who are oppressed and/or mistreated.

Mel was an activist both in the magical and non magical world. Season 2 Mel wasn't the same, it felt more like Mel was a prop and she was just going through the motions and just doing things out of a sense of duty which later on she seemed to resent.

I want to see Mel be passionate about saving and working with non magical people AND magical creatures. But if they reserve that for the non magical world, I won't be terribly disappointed as long as the writers continue to give Mel well written storylines and character archs.

3. Hacy

This was a good example or real couple issues and not just drama for the sake of drama. I think my biggest complaint of season 2 was that rather than focusing on realistic issues (not that miscommunication isn't a real issue) the writers threw in angsty and unnecessary tropes (love triangles and other love shapes) that they dragged put too long. You can have flawed couples facing issues without going to those extremes. I think this episode and even the last few episodes did really well with this.

Plus I love a soft hacy scene any day.

4. Maggie/panic attacks/and jordan

I love that not only are they not just dropping Maggie's panick attacks but they show her growth. Her calming herself by remembering what Jordan told her was amazing. She isn't dependent on others to "fix" her. She is using coping strategies effectively. I stan.

Also I do love that Jordan is still around.

Epsiode Highlights

Harry's entrance into the house

Macy's libido

"Kiddo"

Mel teaching again

Alien monster

Maggie suggesting "Men Talk Over Me"

"I love you as fully as I know how...."

Figure jumping out of a rift in the time space continuum

[rowdownthrowdown]

"The vast majority of people who join the military dont have a choice"

Can you prove this? All facts ive seen suggest this is just flat out not true. The poor are *underrepresented* in the military, not over.

The military doesn't track socioeconomic class on intake so there's no decent statistics on it.

The commonly cited CFR article A) doesn't provide it's sources other than "Source: Office of the Undersecretary of Defense" which is literally useless for verification, B) doesn't stratify by enlisted vs officer which makes a huge difference, C) ranks income by neighborhood instead of actual familial income (and doesn't even define "neighborhood"), and D) fails to account for other factors ie high cost of living areas. Simply put, it doesn't break down a complex issue or account for confounding variables

Luckily the basis of research is compiling sources and when you do that a clear picture emerges. In any case, never form an opinion on one source no matter how good it is. A healthy dose of critical thinking is also required.

"Therefore, among the working class, those who have served in the military have tended to come from poorer circumstances, while there is low representation of the children of the very rich. Indeed, additional analysis (not shown here) finds that the highest income quartile was significantly less likely to have served than the lowest" (Lutz, 2008)

80.4% of active duty enlisted members have a High School Diploma or GED as their highest educational attainment in 2019, which is down from 86.9% in 2010 (Department of Defense, 2019) and 92% in 2006 (Rostker, 2006). This is in stark contrast to the 38.9% of High School Diploma, GED, or lower in the average US population in 2019 (Census Bureau, 2020). Furthermore, since 1987 the military cannot legally enlist anyone without at least a GED and only 10% of first time enlistments are allowed to be a GED (Department of Defense, n.d.) so this gap widens as 28.3% of general population with a High School Diploma/GED (which would be military eligible) vs 80.3% of enlisted military, a huge overrepresentation. In fact, all higher educational attainment (including Associates degrees, which are relatively easy to get in the military but do not earn a commission) is underrepresented in the military. Low educational attainment is very well proven to be concurrent with low socioeconomic class (American Psychological Association, 2017).

52.3% of active duty enlisted members are 25 years old or younger (Department of Defense, 2019) while all first time enlistments are an 8 year obligation (DD Form 4, 2020) which means that 52.3% chunk are on their first enlistment only, while an unknown amount of the next category (26-30 at 20.7%) may also be on their first enlistment. This disproves the idea that most of the military is choosing to remain in. While this cannot talk for individual motivation, logic would say that incentivizing does produce recruits but that these recruits leave once they have their incentive. Other possible causes for low retention could include disillusionment.

"The military learned it had to offer money for education, bonuses to enlist in certain occupations, and enlistment tours of different lengths. It needed to develop career opportunities that has civilian relevance and were a good preparation for adulthood." (Rostker, 2006) The military knows they are preying on people without education, without money, and without career prospects -- recruitment is designed that way. Combine that with the automatic shelter, food, and healthcare and you've got a pretty attractive package to someone who's been disadvantaged their whole life.

There's also solid evidence of military recruiters targeting poorer schools. Kershner and Harding's 2015 article found "the example of two similarly sized high schools in two Hartford suburbs: Avon and Bloomfield. Army recruiters visited Avon High, where only 5 percent of students qualify for free or reduced price lunch, four times during the 2011-2012 school year. Yet at Bloomfield High, where nearly half of students qualify for such assistance, recruiters made more than 10 times as many visits." Over 40 visits in one school year to a poorer school vs 4 in the richer school. That's targeting.

And this isn't new. "Military service in the World War II era provided American men from economically disadvantages backgrounds with unprecedented opportunity to better their lives" (Sampson and Laub, 1996). This has been the case for so long that it is engrained in culture that the military is a way to escape and advance. Familiarity with veterans is the leading indicator of joining the military for new recruits, while no college degree is also a fair indicator (Goldberg et al., 2018).

There are several programs to get veterans jobs post service including HIRE Vets, Veterans.gov, Federal Job Veteran Preference, Veteran and Military Transition Center, Hiring Our Heroes, state programs, individual company programs, and more. Many perceive military service as a lifelong career benefit since it grants access to this. It also interplays strongly with the hyperpatriotism in this country, but it's one of the only social sects with significant government assistance for job finding.

That's in addition to veteran assistance programs for food insecurity, homelessness, and medical care. There is literally socialism in this country for veterans where there isn't for the majority population.

To fix the military being a terribly corrupt set of war crimes in a red, white, and blue bow all you have to do is starve it. If we take the carrot dangled to recruit for the military (education, money, food, shelter, career opportunities -- things the military literally gives as joining promises) and give it to the general population we remove the desire to join for many. Which we should do anyway because all people deserve access to those things without having to be an unknowing corporate meat puppet with a gun.

Tl;Dr - The military preys on the disadvantaged so be angry at the upper echelon in the military and lawmakers, not the vast majority of the boots

American Psychological Association. (2017, July). Education and Socioeconomic Status Factsheet. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/pi/ses/resources/publications/education

Census Bureau. (2020, March 30). Educational Attainment in the United States: 2019. Retrieved from https://www.census.gov/data/tables/2019/demo/educational-attainment/cps-detailed-tables.html

DD. (2020). Form 4 - Enlistment/Reenlistment Document - Armed Forces of the United States. Retrieved from https://www.esd.whs.mil/Portals/54/Documents/DD/forms/dd/dd0004.pdf

Department of Defense. (n.d.). Chapter 2 - The Recruiting Process. Retrieved from https://prhome.defense.gov/portals/52/Documents/POPREP/poprep99/html/chapter2/c2_recruiting.html

Department of Defense. (2019). 2019 Demographics Profile of the Military Community. Retrieved from https://download.militaryonesource.mil/12038/MOS/Reports/2019-demographics-report.pdf

Goldberg, M. S., Cheng, K., Huff, N. M., Kimko, D. D., & Saizan, A. M. (2018). Geographic Diversity in Military Recruiting. Institute for Defense Analyses. Retrieved from https://www.ida.org/-/media/feature/publications/g/ge/geographic-diversity-in-military-recruiting/d-9079.ashx.

Kershner, S., & Harding, S. (2019, February 21). Do Military Recruiters Belong in Schools? Retrieved from https://www.edweek.org/policy-politics/opinion-do-military-recruiters-belong-in-schools/2015/10

Lutz, A. (2008). Who Joins the Military? A look at Race, Class, and Immigration Status. Journal of Military and Political Sociology, 36(2). Retrieved from https://www.researchgate.net/publication/48912025_Who_Joins_the_Military_A_Look_at_Race_Class_and_Immigration_Status.

Rostker, B. D. (2006). The Evolution of the All-Volunteer Force. RAND. Retrieved from https://www.rand.org/pubs/research_briefs/RB9195.html.

Sampson, R. J., & Laub, J. H. (1996). Socioeconomic Achievement in the Life Course of Disadvantaged Men: Military Service as a Turning Point, Circa 1940-1965. American Sociological Review, 61(3), 347. doi:10.2307/2096353