#It took me a few days to make this because I don't have photoshop at the moment but my mom let me borrow hers.

[ms-demeanor]

Why reblog machine-generated art?

When I was ten years old I took a photography class where we developed black and white photos by projecting light on papers bathed in chemicals. If we wanted to change something in the image, we had to go through a gradual, arduous process called dodging and burning.

When I was fifteen years old I used photoshop for the first time, and I remember clicking on the clone tool or the blur tool and feeling like I was cheating.

When I was twenty eight I got my first smartphone. The phone could edit photos. A few taps with my thumb were enough to apply filters and change contrast and even spot correct. I was holding in my hand something more powerful than the huge light machines I'd first used to edit images.

When I was thirty six, just a few weeks ago, I took a photo class that used Lightroom Classic and again, it felt like cheating. It made me really understand how much the color profiles of popular web images I'd been seeing for years had been pumped and tweaked and layered with local edits to make something that, to my eyes, didn't much resemble photography. To me, photography is light on paper. It's what you capture in the lens. It's not automatic skin smoothing and a local filter to boost the sky. This reminded me a lot more of the photomanipulations my friend used to make on deviantart; layered things with unnatural colors that put wings on buildings or turned an eye into a swimming pool. It didn't remake the images to that extent, obviously, but it tipped into the uncanny valley. More real than real, more saturated more sharp and more present than the actual world my lens saw. And that was before I found the AI assisted filters and the tool that would identify the whole sky for you, picking pieces of it out from between leaves.

You know, it's funny, when people talk about artists who might lose their jobs to AI they don't talk about the people who have already had to move on from their photo editing work because of technology. You used to be able to get paid for basic photo manipulation, you know? If you were quick with a lasso or skilled with masks you could get a pretty decent chunk of change by pulling subjects out of backgrounds for family holiday cards or isolating the pies on the menu for a mom and pop. Not a lot, but enough to help. But, of course, you can just do that on your phone now. There's no need to pay a human for it, even if they might do a better job or be more considerate toward the aesthetic of an image.

And they certainly don't talk about all the development labs that went away, or the way that you could have trained to be a studio photographer if you wanted to take good photos of your family to hang on the walls and that digital photography allowed in a parade of amateurs who can make dozens of iterations of the same bad photo until they hit on a good one by sheer volume and luck; if you want to be a good photographer everyone can do that why didn't you train for it and spend a long time taking photos on film and being okay with bad photography don't you know that digital photography drove thousands of people out of their jobs.

My dad told me that he plays with AI the other day. He hosts a movie podcast and he puts up thumbnails for the downloads. In the past, he'd just take a screengrab from the film. Now he tells the Bing AI to make him little vignettes. A cowboy running away from a rhino, a dragon arm-wrestling a teddy bear. That kind of thing. Usually based on a joke that was made on the show, or about the subject of the film and an interest of the guest.

People talk about "well AI art doesn't allow people to create things, people were already able to create things, if they wanted to create things they should learn to create things." Not everyone wants to make good art that's creative. Even fewer people want to put the effort into making bad art for something that they aren't passionate about. Some people want filler to go on the cover of their youtube video. My dad isn't going to learn to draw, and as the person who he used to ask to photoshop him as Ant-Man because he certainly couldn't pay anyone for that kind of thing, I think this is a great use case for AI art. This senior citizen isn't going to start cartooning and at two recordings a week with a one-day editing turnaround he doesn't even really have the time for something like a Fiverr commission. This is a great use of AI art, actually.

I also know an artist who is going Hog Fucking Wild creating AI art of their blorbos. They're genuinely an incredibly talented artist who happens to want to see their niche interest represented visually without having to draw it all themself. They're posting the funny and good results to a small circle of mutuals on socials with clear information about the source of the images; they aren't trying to sell any of the images, they're basically using them as inserts for custom memes. Who is harmed by this person saying "i would like to see my blorbo lasciviously eating an ice cream cone in the is this a pigeon meme"?

The way I use machine-generated art, as an artist, is to proof things. Can I get an explosion to look like this. What would a wall of dead computer monitors look like. Would a ballerina leaping over the grand canyon look cool? Sometimes I use AI art to generate copyright free objects that I can snip for a collage. A lot of the time I use it to generate ideas. I start naming random things and seeing what it shows me and I start getting inspired. I can ask CrAIon for pose reference, I can ask it to show me the interior of spaces from a specific angle.

I profoundly dislike the antipathy that tumblr has for AI art. I understand if people don't want their art used in training pools. I understand if people don't want AI trained on their art to mimic their style. You should absolutely use those tools that poison datasets if you don't want your art included in AI training. I think that's an incredibly appropriate action to take as an artist who doesn't want AI learning from your work.

However I'm pretty fucking aggressively opposed to copyright and most of the "solid" arguments against AI art come down to "the AIs viewed and learned from people's copyrighted artwork and therefore AI is theft rather than fair use" and that's a losing argument for me. In. Like. A lot of ways. Primarily because it is saying that not only is copying someone's art theft, it is saying that looking at and learning from someone's art can be defined as theft rather than fair use.

Also because it's just patently untrue.

But that doesn't really answer your question. Why reblog machine-generated art? Because I liked that piece of art.

It was made by a machine that had looked at billions of images - some copyrighted, some not, some new, some old, some interesting, many boring - and guided by a human and I liked it. It was pretty. It communicated something to me. I looked at an image a machine made - an artificial picture, a total construct, something with no intrinsic meaning - and I felt a sense of quiet and loss and nostalgia. I looked at a collection of automatically arranged pixels and tasted salt and smelled the humidity in the air.

I liked it.

I don't think that all AI art is ugly. I don't think that AI art is all soulless (i actually think that 'having soul' is a bizarre descriptor for art and that lacking soul is an equally bizarre criticism). I don't think that AI art is bad for artists. I think the problem that people have with AI art is capitalism and I don't think that's a problem that can really be laid at the feet of people curating an aesthetic AI art blog on tumblr.

Machine learning isn't the fucking problem the problem is massive corporations have been trying hard not to pay artists for as long as massive corporations have existed (isn't that a b-plot in the shape of water? the neighbor who draws ads gets pushed out of his job by product photography? did you know that as recently as ten years ago NewEgg had in-house photographers who would take pictures of the products so users wouldn't have to rely on the manufacturer photos? I want you to guess what killed that job and I'll give you a hint: it wasn't AI)

Am I putting a human out of a job because I reblogged an AI-generated "photo" of curtains waving in the pale green waters of an imaginary beach? Who would have taken this photo of a place that doesn't exist? Who would have painted this hypersurrealistic image? What meaning would it have had if they had painted it or would it have just been for the aesthetic? Would someone have paid for it or would it be like so many of the things that artists on this site have spent dozens of hours on only to get no attention or value for their work?

My worst ratio of hours to notes is an 8-page hand-drawn detailed ink comic about getting assaulted at a concert and the complicated feelings that evoked that took me weeks of daily drawing after work with something like 54 notes after 8 years; should I be offended if something generated from a prompt has more notes than me? What does that actually get the blogger? Clout? I believe someone said that popularity on tumblr gets you one thing and that is yelled at.

What do you get out of this? Are you helping artists right now? You're helping me, and I'm an artist. I've wanted to unload this opinion for a while because I'm sick of the argument that all Real Artists think AI is bullshit. I'm a Real Artist. I've been paid for Real Art. I've been commissioned as an artist.

And I find a hell of a lot of AI art a lot more interesting than I find human-generated corporate art or Thomas Kincaid (but then, I repeat myself).

There are plenty of people who don't like AI art and don't want to interact with it. I am not one of those people. I thought the gay sex cats were funny and looked good and that shitposting is the ideal use of a machine image generation: to make uncopyrightable images to laugh at.

I think that tumblr has decided to take a principled stand against something that most people making the argument don't understand. I think tumblr's loathing for AI has, generally speaking, thrown weight behind a bunch of ideas that I think are going to be incredibly harmful *to artists specifically* in the long run.

Anyway. If you hate AI art and you don't want to interact with people who interact with it, block me.

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZMMAb4KUo/

Smut w biker Ethan Landry ?!

Hi💕 I hope you like it! I got out of the hang of writing over the last few days so I might go back and make a few changes once i re-read over this at some point lmao

Roll Up - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader

This Contains SMUT - Minors DNI

Summary: Your boyfriend's new hobby scares you, but he shows you it isn't that bad.

Contains: Oral(f receiving), p in v, rough-ish sex.

A/N: We're going to pretend that this isn't based off of the photoshopped pics of Jack lmao. If this sucks, don't let me know. I'm sensitive👉👈

When your boyfriend mentioned getting his motorcycle license, you thought he was crazy. You even created a power point presentation, showing him how dumb of an idea it was. He just rolled his eyes every time you made a good point, because he knew it was what he was going to do regardless.

“You aren’t going to break up with me if I get a bike, are you?” he asked, putting on his shoes as he got ready to go take the driving test. “I think it’d be a lot of fun to have one.”

“It’d take a lot more for me to break up with you…but what if something happens to you? I’d just be worried the whole time you were out,” you sighed, getting a little anxious.

You heard a knock on the door, as Ethan walked away from you to answer it. You took a deep breath when Chad walked in, carrying his extra helmet for Ethan.

“Why’d you have to corrupt my sweet boyfriend?” you asked, as Chad smiled at you.

“I think you’ll like it…Tara does,” he said, smirking at Ethan as he handed him the helmet.

“Yeah, what if I get one and you can’t keep your hands off me?” Ethan asked, cocking his eyebrow as he looked at you. “I like the sound of that.”

“Yeah, and I’d not like to hear the sound of your eulogy being spoken,” you said, as Ethan scoffed.

“You’re so overdramatic,” he said, walking over to kiss you. He placed a kiss to the tip of your nose, your lips, and your forehead before he pulled away. “I love you, baby. Wish me luck.”

“I love you, too,” you said, as both boys walked to the door. Ethan stood in the doorway for a minute, waiting for you to hear the other thing he needed you to say. “Fuck it, fine. Good luck. Please, just be careful.”

“I will, babe,” he said, chuckling as he walked out.

One thing about Ethan was that the second he got an idea in his head, you knew he was going to stop at nothing to get what he wanted. This was by far the scariest thing he’d ever wanted to do, and you’d done nothing but panic whenever you thought about it.

It all started when Chad brought Ethan to his friend’s garage, and they were talking about Chad getting his license. At first you laughed it off, thinking it was about Ethan wanting to have more in common with his best friend, but once you saw him browsing for bikes online, you realized how serious he was about it.

Once he got his learners, he started to spend more time with Chad and his friend. He’d lay in bed with you until you fell asleep, then sneak out of the bed once he’d get the text from Chad that he was outside. You hated it when you’d roll over and he wasn’t beside you, but you wanted him to practice when there were a lot less cars on the road.

He was always in the best mood when he’d come back home, still feeling the adrenaline. He tried to be quiet when he snuck back in, but you always woke up. You’d jump out of bed once you heard the shower cut on, strip off your clothes, and join him in the steamy bathroom. He’d tell you all the things he did and new stuff he learned as you sleepily listened, but it always ended in the hottest shower sex you’d ever had.

You kept checking the time on your phone, wondering what was taking Ethan so long to get back home. It’d been a few hours, and you were trying to prepare yourself. As worried as you were for him to get his license, you knew you’d be excited for him. But the possibility of him not getting it worried you more than if he did. You knew how much he wanted it, and you knew he’d be upset if he didn’t get it.

Once you saw Ethan’s name and picture flash across your phone screen, you quickly answered the call.

“Hey, babe,” you said, “How’d it go?”

You heard traffic passing him and sirens off in the distance.

“Come outside, I want to show you something.” You could hear the happiness in his voice, and you kind of had a hunch about what your boyfriend had done. Once you made your way down the stairs of your apartment complex and saw him standing there, a helmet under his arm and the matte black bike behind him, you didn’t know how to feel.

“I guess you passed,” you said, your eyes squinting as the early afternoon sunlight hit them just right. “I’m proud of you, baby.”

“I can still tell you’re mad,” he teased, as he leaned down to kiss you. “but thank you.”

“This is yours, isn’t it?” you asked, as he tried to fight off the excited smile.

“Yeah, I hope you don’t hate me because I didn’t talk to you about it first,” he said, reaching around and grabbing the extra helmet off the bike seat. “I want you to go on a ride with me.”

“Absolutely not,” you said, his smile dropping at your words. “Not right now, can we go out later tonight? I’m a little scared and I’d feel better if I didn’t feel like we were going to get hit.”

“Of course,” he said, his smile appearing on his lips again. “I think you’ll love it.”

“Whatever you say,” you said, as he grabbed your hand and led you inside.

As it got darker outside, Ethan got more excited. He knew how close he was to taking you out to see what made him almost as happy as you do. As much as you were freaking out, you knew he’d never put you in danger, and you really wanted to know what the big deal was.

“Okay,” Ethan said, as you slipped your hoodie over your head. “Just a few quick things…I know it’s a little scary, but you need to lean into any turns we take. Don’t ever let go of me and sit as close to me as you can.”

“If we lean, won’t you lose control?” you questioned, as he shook his head.

“We’re not doing anything crazy so don’t think I’m going to take you on any super curvy roads…but if you stay upright when we need to lean, that could cause me to lose control.”

“Okay,” you sighed, as he handed you the helmet.

He looked you over to make sure nothing on you was loose fitting and made sure your helmet was good before he slung his leg over the bike.

“You coming?” he asked, his hand reaching out to help you on.

“There’s not a lot of room back here,” you said, as he slid his helmet over his head.

“I already told you, just hold on to me, and stay as close as you can. I won’t let anything happen to you,” he said, his words a little muffled. “You ready?”

“Yeah,” you said, as he started the bike. Your arms tightly wrapped around him, his hand rubbing against your thigh to let you know he had you before he pulled off.

He took you on a few of the streets he first learned how to drive on, not wanting to freak you out too much. Once you came to a stop light, he started to yell over the hum of the bike.

“You okay?” he asked, his hand moving to rub against your thigh again.

“Yeah, you aren’t going very fast, though,” you yelled back, as he started to laugh to himself.

“You want me to go faster?” he asked, “I just didn’t want to scare you.”

“You can go faster, just don’t kill us,” you said, as the light turned green.

He revved the engine before he sped off, going significantly faster than he did before. You didn’t feel scared though, you were…turned on? You weren’t sure if it was the vibrations coming from the bike, or how hot your boyfriend was at that moment, but you knew you were going to jump him as soon as the two of you got back home.

He started to drive out of the city, taking you to one of the back roads he’d always pull off at with his friends. He stopped in the gravel area and helped you off the bike before he got off.

“Was that too much?” he asked, pulling the helmet off of his head. You quickly pulled yours off, mumbling a “No” as you stood on your tippy toes to kiss him. Your hands went up to his curls as his tongue brushed against your bottom lip to deepen the kiss. You stood there making out, the only light coming from the full moon and the glow of the headlights.

“We need to go home soon,” you said against his lips, “I understand why you always want sex after your late-night rides.”

“We’ll head home soon babe,” he said, his hand reaching down to squeeze your ass as he pulled you closer. “Or…we could do it right here.”

“I know this is a back road, but someone could still see us,” you said, glancing at the road for any other cars off in the distance.

“So what?” he asked, as his lips moved to your neck.

He pulled away once he heard the familiar loud hum heading up the road, slowing down a little once it got closer to where you and Ethan were.

“Is that Chad?” you asked, as Ethan nodded.

“Tara’s with him,” he said, noticing her tiny frame tightly clinging to him. “Good think I didn’t get you naked yet,” he laughed a little, thinking about how awkward that would’ve been.

“You know how I am when I want sex and I don’t get it,” you said, giving him a warning look. “Please don’t get caught up in talking for too long.”

“I won’t, babe,” he said, as Chad pulled in and took his helmet off.

“She didn’t kill you!” Chad yelled, as you rolled your eyes.

Ethan walked up to him as you walked over to Tara. She had the biggest smile on her face when she saw you standing there.

“Ahh! We can go on late night rides together, now!” she said, pulling you into a hug. “Isn’t this fun?”

“Yeah, I thought it was going to be scary,” you said, glancing over to Ethan to see him smiling at you. “Now I just have to convince him to take me home soon.”

“I get it, I feel the same way,” she said, picking up on your suggestiveness.

When Ethan walked around to you, he looked a little nervous as Chad motioned for Tara to get back on the bike.

“I hope you don’t mind, but Chad wants to ride around for a little bit. There’s this straight, flat road near here that we like to go way faster than we should, but if you’d rather go home, we can.”

“As long as we go home soon, I’m fine with it,” you said, as Ethan started to smile.

“Put your helmet back on,” he said, walking you back over to his bike.

He slid his over his head and helped you get on the back before he started it again and took off. You got a little confused once you hit a certain point in the road. Chad and Ethan both came to a stop on opposite sides, as you felt his hand grip your thigh.

“Do you trust me?” he asked, the question making you nervous as Chad gave him a thumbs up.

“Yeah,” you yelled, as he said, “Hold on tight.”

He revved the engine again before taking off, going way faster than he’d gone before, at least while you were on the back. The way you were rested against Ethan made it easy for you to see that Chad was keeping pace with him before he dropped a gear and flew past Ethan. Ethan did the same, your grip on him getting even tighter as you felt the adrenaline coursing through your veins. He quickly caught back up to Chad and passed him before he started to slow down a little.

“You okay, baby?” he asked, once he came to a stop and your grip on him relaxed.

“If you don’t take me home and fuck me, I’m not going to be okay,” you said, as Chad pulled up beside you and pulled his helmet off.

“Fuck, that thing’s fast,” he said, as Ethan pulled his helmet off.

“Yeah, I didn’t expect it. We were going over a hundred,” Ethan said, your eyes going wide as you listened to him speak. “I’m going to take her home.”

“You coming back out later?” Chad asked, as Ethan shook his head.

“No, I have other plans,” he said, as Chad nodded.

“You guys have fun. Don’t be an idiot,” Chad said, putting his helmet back on before speeding off.

“Over a hundred?!” you yelled, as Ethan started to laugh.

“Yeah, and I wasn’t going as fast as I could’ve,” he said, putting his helmet back on. “Let’s get you home.”

As soon as he got you home, you both were so needy. Various clothing items were scattered across your apartment, from the front door to the bedroom you shared with Ethan. He wasted no time, burying his head in between your thighs as soon as he pushed you back on your bed. Your fingers ran through his curls as soft moans slipped past your lips. His hands were kneading at your thighs as his tongue swirled around your sensitive clit.

“Use your fingers, babe,” you gasped out, as he suckled on your clit. He did what you said, sliding two of his fingers into your soaked, dripping pussy with ease. “Fuck, just like that.”

“Did being on the back of my bike turn you on that much?” he asked, his eyes boring into yours as he curved his fingers to brush against that spongy spot inside of you. “Yes,” you said, letting out a low moan. “You were just so fucking hot.”

His mouth went back to your clit as you tugged at his curls, the sounds of him fucking you with his fingers and your moans filling the room. His free hand was roaming your body, from your thighs up to your breasts. Once he started to pinch one of your nipples, you felt that familiar feeling starting to build inside of you.

Ethan knew you were close. Your legs were starting to shake as his fingers moved against your g-spot faster. He sucked your clit into his mouth, hard. Your back arched up off the bed as you pulled his hair so hard that it hurt. He didn’t let up though.

You let out a whimper as the feeling washed over you, your pussy fluttering around his fingers. He gently lapped at your clit until you started to come down from your high.

The grip you had on his hair relaxed as he sat up to look at you, his mouth coated in your arousal.

“Do I still have hair?” he asked, running his fingers through his curls. His scalp was so sensitive that he winced when he touched it.

“I’m sorry, baby,” you mumbled, as your breathing started to get a little more regular.

“It’s worth it if I made you cum that hard,” he said, smiling at you. “I loved having you on the back of my bike. It’s like you weren’t scared at all.”

“I wasn’t. I trust you.”

As much as Ethan loved watching your face when he fucked you, he wanted to be as deep as he could inside your warm, wet pussy. He positioned you so your ass was sticking up in the air for him as the side of your face rested against the cool comforter.

“So fucking perfect,” he said, rubbing the tip of his cock over your wet folds. “You ready, baby?”

“Yes,” you said, as he started to inch himself inside of you. The slight burning feeling as he stretched you out made you gasp, his hand roaming over your lower back as his hip bones met the curve of your ass.

He started out with slow thrusts, still giving you time to adjust. Once you whined out to let him know you wanted more, he moved faster. You heard the soft slapping of his skin against yours as the head of his cock hit that special spot inside of you. You glanced back to see him watching his cock disappear inside your pussy, slide himself out, head and all, before he started to pound into you.

“Fuck,” you whimpered, your eyes still on him as your hands grabbed at the sheets.

He looked up to watch your body as you started to roll your hips back, meeting his thrusts. His cheeks were red as his mouth hung open, a few of his curls sticking to his forehead. One of his hands tightly held your hip as his other hand reached around brushing against your lower stomach. You soon felt two of his fingers strumming against your clit, your moans getting louder by the second.

“Harder,” you whimpered, a smirk playing on his lips as he started to mercilessly pound into your pussy.  

 “That’s it, baby. You take it so fucking well,” he said, some of his words getting broken by the random grunts slipping past his lips.

Once he put the right amount of pressure on your clit and started to roll his fingers in circles, you felt your body start to tense up, your orgasm sneaking up on you. You were a whimpering mess as the slapping sounds got louder, echoing off the walls. He was getting close, but he was trying so hard to fight it.

He watched your fists ball up in the fitted sheet, pulling it lose as you cried out. Your pussy was squeezing him so tight that his thrusts started to falter.

“Where do you want it?” he rushed out, but you couldn’t form words, completely fucked out.

He slid out of you, releasing his hot cum all over your ass and lower back. His hand ran through his sweaty hair before he flopped down on the bed beside you. Your hips started to relax as you eased the lower half of your body to lay flat across the bed.

“Jesus,” he sighed, catching his breath. “That was amazing.”

“Was it as good as the shower sex?” you asked, smiling as you turned your head to face him.

“Well, we do still need to shower…”

[midorisudachi]

I took a break from drawing Dragon Age Inquisition fan art (because let's face it, it's not doing well here on Tumblr or my Instagram) and returned to Star Wars!

So, who else is totally loving Star Wars Rebels Season 5, er, I mean...Ahsoka?  

I drew this today! It was a random idea that came into my mind when I watched episode 4 (for the 2nd time on Friday) with my son. Sabine has such a cool look in the first episode and I love her darling Loth Cat. Why are Loth cats so cute? I want one! This version of Sabine would be so cool to cosplay, but I think I will pass (as much as I love her character) because I know she's going to be a super popular cosplay and I don't think I will even have time & money to make/buy it. As it is, I need to get started on my new SW cosplays for me and my son (for WonderCon next year). I have been in such a mental funk the past few months and wasn't in a cosplay mood, which was one reason I started with the DAI artwork. (I'm so obsessed with that beautiful game!)

I love, Love, LOVE seeing the Rebels characters in their live action version. So far the series has been most excellent! However, I am a wee bit sad that it is only 8 episodes total. Even so: I'm elated that we are getting this series. I can't wait to see what happens in the next episode. The two Sith look so cool, don't they?

Drawn with Sakura Pigma Micron Pens, and then coloured in with a mixture of Copic Markers & Ohuhu Markers. White accents done with a gel pen. I originally drew the city skyline but it looked like absolute rubbish (the "joy" of traditonal art...once you eff up, you can't fix it), so I edited in the city in Photoshop Elements (using a stock photo) and tweaked it a bit. The clouds are also done in Photoshop (because they are hard to draw), as well as the font. A mix of traditional and digital art! 

Please share if you like this artwork! 

Star Wars/Ahsoka Series/Sabine Wren/Loth Cat/ Lothal © Disney & Lucasfilm

Fanart © me (Jacqueline E. McNeese)!

[sirfrogsworth]

The Curse of Artistic Vision

I think being an artist comes down to developing an image in your head and then feeling compelled to manifest it. Sometimes you are able to improve upon that image in your head. Or you end up with something different that you like better.

But sometimes, for various reasons, you can't quite make that image a reality. And I don't know if other artists feel this way, but it feels like heartbreak every time. Not quite on the level of an incident of human decoupling, but it definitely sticks with you for a long time.

Sometimes I am limited by the current state of my skillset. I just haven't learned enough and gained enough experience to take a photo like the one in my brain.

And sometimes I am limited by my body, which puts huge restrictions on the amount of energy I can dedicate to crafting a photo.

I feel my knowledge and experience has never been at the level I am currently at. I think I have the *potential* to shoot just about anything I can imagine. Which is a cool feeling. I also feel like my image editing and manipulation skills are at the highest they have ever been. Which means anything I can't do in-camera, I can achieve in Lightroom and Photoshop.

But I just don't have a lot of energy to capture photos right now. And I am very limited by how much physical effort I can dedicate to the photographic process. Which is very frustrating. I'm hoping if I build a new studio in the house that will help a lot.

In the meantime, I have this library of images I took before 2017. Many of them I was not able to achieve my artistic vision.

But... I came close.

Which means on many of these old images I can use my editing skills of today to achieve what I could not back then.

And so I have started a huge re-edit project where I go back and realize my images as I wanted them to be.

I had this idea for an image of someone in the middle of a dark forest in an open field reading a book and the only illumination was a lamp that seemed to be plugged into nothing. It popped into my head and it just seemed like a cool photo to create.

In July of 2016, my friend Ryan was visiting and we decided to try it. We even rented a big fancy 50 megapixel camera for a few days. I had never used a professional level camera and it was my birthday and I wanted that experience.

I even had this cool idea to hide a flash in the lamp so it would look like it was illuminated.

The resulting image was not anything like I had in my head. And for some reason, I edited it super bright, and you can barely even notice the cool lampshade flash trick. If you lower the exposure of the RAW file there is a well-defined circle of light in the grass, but it is hard to see in the 2016 edit.

Where is the dark background? Why didn't I underexpose the background to make it look like night or sunset? I knew how to do that back then. I totally could have crafted the photo in my head at that time.

But then I noticed I only took like 8 photos of this scene. And I *always* overshoot. I took 300 photos of a bridge recently.

Then I remembered what happened. We moved a giant rocking chair, a lamp, and lighting equipment to the middle of my neighbor's yard and by the time I was ready to take the photo, I was about to pass out. I believe it was very hot as well.

And so the above was the best I could do under that circumstance. My body limited my artistic vision. And this has been bothering me for years. Sometimes I will think back on this photo and how cool it looked in my head and I will feel that heartbreak again.

When I look at the RAW file... it is actually much better than my edited image.

Which makes me curious why I made it so damn bright. My best theory is I had a monitor that was slowly dying and I didn't realize how dim it got because our eyes are so good at adjusting, and it's possible all of my images from that era were overly bright because I was overcompensating for a dying display.

That fancy camera (Canon 5DS R) was a dream to work with. And having so many extra megapixels to play with is such a joy. People say you don't need more megapixels these days, but when you are doing high level image manipulation, having as much information as possible makes it a lot easier. Especially when making complex selections.

So, I've got a good start. I have a lot of pixels to play with. I was almost certain I could manifest my vision with modern knowledge and tools.

I'll start with the baseline edit in Lightroom. I'm not going to worry about the sky, as that will need to be swapped for my nighttime aesthetic.

The circle of light was there! It was just hiding in my bright exposure. So that's neat. And when you lower the exposure of the background, the lampshade trick presents itself as well.

At this point I was getting excited because I could see the potential. I just had to find the right sky. This one looks perfect.

Okay, it is time for the big reveal.

Did I finally get this image out of my brain and into reality?

I DID!

I don't know if people will like this or find it artistically interesting, but Ryan and I were both very happy with the new version.

Also, I think Ryan's purple shoes really steal the show.

Though I had one idea that was never in my head originally.

Should I try it?

I still haven't decided on the fireflies yet, but Ryan and Katrina like them.

I can't state how nice it was to work on a 50 megapixel photo from a full frame sensor coming from a 10 year old camera with 4 stops less dynamic range and 24 megapixels.

This is zoomed in to 100%!

And the image doesn't even get soft at 300%.

Sorry, I got caught up in the megapixels.

And there is one detail you'll probably never notice unless I point it out, but I completely rebuilt the lampshade because I overexposed it.

I always say small details add up to big results. Plus I had to use some creative problem solving to figure out how to recreate a lampshade and I always enjoy that part of the process—where you don't know how to do something and then you figure it out. Very satisfying.

In any case, my brain feels better now. I feel like I was able to settle something that has been bothering me for ages. And I am grateful I was able to realize my artistic vision—even if it took 8 years.

Here is the before and after. It's fun to switch back and forth.

On to the next photo. And it may involve a furry little orange friend.

[thephooka]

Happy Webcomic Day! My webcomic White Noise is a labor of love--according to Procreate, this page took me 15.5 hours to complete.* Here's a look into that process!

Some other notes:

The thumbnails are done on graph paper and I script while I do them--there is no separate written script for White Noise. I usually spent a couple hours on weekends as needed thumbnailing, sometimes at a coffee shop or at home listening to records.

I then set up the file in Photoshop, so I can lay in the text and use the template I have with bleeds already set up. The text is rasterized and I shuttle the file over to my iPad via Airdrop.

The bulk of the actual work is done in Procreate, which records timelapses that I sometimes share to my Patreon. I usually spend a couple hours most nights after my day job or on the bus commuting doing this.

Once everything art-wise is done, I shuttle the file back over to my desktop to re-set in the text, add a stroke around the speech bubbles (Procreate doesn't have that took fsr) and do the resizing/exporting for web.

On Sunday mornings I get up, queue the page and write the page descriptions. I don't spend any time on the page descriptions outside of that.

Also, this process goes for the whole first arc of White Noise. I'm done with that arc (which means you can binge the whole thing I'm js!!) and am experimenting with some different methods these days, but my workflow is still generally the same.

*Some more talk about the labor (and burnout) involved below the cut:

This particular page (and most of the pages I did in 2023) took a lot longer than normal because I was heading into a burnout period that I'm still lowkey in/recovering from. It's obvious to me now in retrospect watching the timelapse here and seeing how much noodling I'm doing and how much I'm struggling with the process, but at the time I was just very frustrated generally. When I'm not burned tf out pages take maybe 10 hours max.

2023 was a pretty stressful year--lots of big life changes, uncertainty, pet death, health issues--so it's no wonder it propelled me into burnout, but it just goes to show that even the slowest and steadiest pace is not sustainable forever. I've been doing one page a week following this general process for over a decade! And I stuck to that pace because I knew it was one I could maintain. But even so, by the end of this arc I found myself working more and more slowly, not really looking forward to the work, feeling anxious about being behind, unhappy with the finished work, and extremely annoyed with myself for not being able to give it my all right there at the finish line.

I did stop for a while after the epilogue and took a more or less complete break from drawing for about a month--the longest I have EVER gone without drawing, much less working on White Noise--which did help, but these days my ability to work is...inconsistent. I should probably take another total break, but I'm reluctant. What if my passion never comes back? What if people forget about WN? It's already pretty obscure, and with the general social media collapse, it's harder than ever to get people to read my work. Now that I've left Hiveworks, WN doesn't even get the benefit of being linked to other comics (although objectively very, very few readers actually got referred to my comic that way.) And frankly, I'm also just too proud to go too long without comic updates. I've always told myself, I might not be the best artist or the fastest worker or make a popular comic, but I'm consistent. Difficult to let that go.

This is all to say that webcomics are hard. We do them because we love them, we have stories to tell, we are seized with the human compulsion to create. We spend hours of our time, almost always on top of the paying work that allows us to eat, to make something that we then give away for free. It has consequences on us that the reader doesn't often see, no matter how careful we are about it. If you ask me, webcomics deserve to be valued more.

Happy Webcomic Day! Read webcomics!

[angrymiauu]

the boy wonder: dick grayson!

aka: my design of him (casual), his nightwing costume, and his robin costume!

part 1/? because I'm planning to draw my headcanons of the rest of the family too! 💙💙, my headcanons and thought process below the cut ꒰⁠⑅⁠ᵕ⁠༚⁠ᵕ⁠꒱⁠˖⁠♡ (I'm insane) (I'm gonna ramble a lot)

FIRST !! His casual outfit (+ other small things) (this is going to be very long)

first things first i wanted him to be very blue because it helps me differentiate each sibling (+ steph) and have a color pallette because I'm not a character designer at all and if you ask me to combine colors I'll cry in agony, so Dick obviously got blue!! HOWEVER I didn't want to give him bright BRIGHT blue because i wanted dick to look, not soft? but approachable. I hc him to work with kids, maybe as a teacher or as an instructor, because I can't see him as a cop at all (aside from undercover maybe, which if i remember correctly is why he was a cop in the first place) in the long-term—and so I used colors that are mostly soft / not very bright because they're not very stimulating for kids or could distract them too much, and can also tend to be sorta soothing / calming ?? soft colors can help kids focus and soothe them

which is what brings me to my other point, which was drawing with small details to make him look more welcoming and approachable and not threatening at all, at least not as dick grayson, was giving him bushy eyebrows, messy hair and big(?) eyes!! there's not big explanation to that, just that when giving him small details like those i try to follow the theme i gave him in the first place

Aside from that, I like to think his bad fashion sense is a conscious decision. As in he knows how to dress properly, and he can design good suits, but he consciously chooses obnoxious things or things that don't match just for the giggles. Why not. (I'm a firm believer that Discowing should come back it was a great suit). He dresses very well but some days he will show up at the Manor looking like an unicorn threw up on him and being a walking fashion crime and acts unaware to it. Why not.

Other small thing is the necklace!! i was going to draw it to be a four-leaf clover but couldnt draw it so it just ended like that. It has a picture of himself + his fam, a picture that Tim took, so Dick edited Tim's face into the photo with photoshop so in the middle of it there's Tim's floating face

I also hc Dick with another height! I know he's 5'10", which is close to 178cm if I'm correct, but I actually hc him to be shorter, and to be small since he was a kid but having The Growth Spurt when he was around or so! It's only a few cms, I just hc him to be 174cm lol, it's only a 4 cm difference

Last thing which is totally self-indulgent, those dark spots on Dick's neck, knuckles and elbows are because I hc him to have insulin resistance! Because I do since I was a kid, and because why not. I looked it up and it's apparently called 'Acanthosis nigricans' (im fully healthy btw dont worry 👊), I just wanted Dick to have it

I also hc Dick to be genderqueer and bi&demisexual but that has nothing to do with his design

Now!!! Nightwing!!!!!

This was more easier and there's not a lot of different things, but I added some things I like,

Since Dick has long hair, and I'm a firm believer of the fact that hairstyles change how someone can perceive you/recognize you (or maybe I just have bad memory and can't memorize faces at all), I made him tie his hair but also have it a bit more messy, to change from his usual hair look (which is leaving his hair down)

Aside from that, I just added more blue to his suit by adding a few things, his collar (which is the best part of his discowing suit!!!!!!! aside from the colors!!!!), and gave him back his gauntles which I can't draw so they look strange! That, and I gave him a belt with small.bags??? things??? (HOW ARE THEY CALLED IN ENGLISH) where he keeps some stuff he needs like smoke bombs etc etc, they're not filled with those trinkets and are very light so they won't bother him when he does his flips, and it's tied very well so it won't fall off (it happened). so now he can store things on his belt and on his gauntlets instead of his sticks that I forgot how they're called in english

and now...... The Child (aka Devil incarnate)

Following the same theme of looking approaching and good and blahblah but even more. I made his hair curlier because unlike Older Dick who actually tries to brush it and fails miserably, when he was younger he didn't care and climbed every single furniture in the Manor whenever Alfred tried to force him to brush it, inspired by the fact I used to hate to brush my hair as a kid

He also has those dark marks because of the insuline resistance, and I gave him knee pads (?) because there's no way Bruce would let him out like that with only That costume as protection. Overall I didn't change a lot from the canon design?

He's also short, because why not. It makes it funnier to think about being a criminal and a literal 8 year old who barely reaches a bit above ur hip beats your ass. i wouldn't show my face ever again .

I also hc that he Put the fear of god into the rogues gallery (i dont remember how theyre called as a group in english im gonna cry). while Jason did that with the gotham criminals(not rogues, but others, he was cute and all but also very VICIOUS against them, especially those who messed with kids . robin gave him the magic but the magic to break their collarbones, but this isnt about him), Dick was very very VERY annoying to them. the Joker hates him because Dick loudly says how the Joker sucks as a clown and has an obnoxiously long list of every single way the Joker fails as a clown. The Riddler hates him. Penguin hates him. Everyone hates him. They hear a kid laugh and are like '😨 ROBIN' even though Robin is now an adult man. he gave them ptsd. u know that creepy kid laugh? thats exactly how dick laughed to creep them out. it also creeped out the gotham criminals but Dick was specially mean to the gotham rogues . imagine being one of them and after going through the nightmare that is meeting an 8 year old (truly traumatizing) that later kicked ur ass, is hearing robin get sleepy and having to go home because he has a bedtime. a kid with a bedtime beat you. a kid who has to go to school and has to learn how to count to 1000 beat you. I would cry

A small thing I like to think even if it's not included is that in one of his pockets he keeps candies !! both for him and for kids he saves with batman. Batman checks he's not eating all of them because what's worse than an angry and hyperactive eight year old is an angry and hyperactive eight year old mid-sugar rush. no one recovered after that night.

That's all !!!! THANK U FOR READING MY RAMBLES!!!!! kisses u in the cheek /p

[hils79]

4 years ago today my dear friend @kpopingenue and I were talking and she sent me the MV for Wonderland because she liked it and thought I would too.

And, thus, my Ateez journey began.

I jokingly call it a slow burn relationship. I loved their music from the first time I listened to Wonderland but it took a few months before I checked out their albums and listened to their b-sides.

Even after that I still didn't know all their names (which is nothing against them, I'm the same with a lot of kpop groups I've been listening to for ages. I've been listening to Stray Kids for almost as long as I've been listening to Ateez and I still only know half the members).

Eventually, and I remember this clearly, in December 2021 I had a very vivid dream about buying Zero Fever Part 2 and I took that as a sign and ordered it as soon as I woke up.

It was funny because I knew some of the members at this point but not all of them and I had to text a photo of my photocards to a friend because I knew one of them was San, but I had no idea who the other one was (it was Yeosang).

After that, it became a pay day treat. Every month when I got paid, I'd treat myself to an Ateez album until I had them all. I now have at least one version of every album including all the Japanese ones.

And I finally sat down and watched a guide because if I was going to start collecting albums I should probably learn who everyone was.

Even after that I still struggled telling Yunho and Jongho apart for the longest time, and I have no idea why because now that I know them well I can see that they don't look anything like each other.

So, this carried on for a couple more years. I was happily collecting my albums and watching new MVs when they came out, but I still, for whatever reason, hadn't crossed the bridge into the fandom side of things. I was just quietly enjoying them by myself.

Then Will came out, and I don't know why, but that album rewired something in my brain. Suddenly I was fully obsessed. I watched Hongjoong's behind the scenes of Matz vlog, and suddenly I wanted to make gifs, but proper gifs not just a using a screen recorder which was all I'd ever done before.

I had an ancient version of Photoshop (which I have now upgraded) so I found a gif making tutorial for beginners. The gifs I made were very basic, but I had made them, and I was proud of myself for learning a thing.

Then I decided that to practice and learn new colouring styles, it would be fun to make gifs of all the Ateez MVs. So I did! It took a good few weeks of making a new set every evening, but I did it, and I can definitely see how I've improved as I've gone along.

And there we have it. 4 years from watching an MV to collecting albums to learning how to make gifs. And along the way I've reconnected with some old friends who love Ateez, and made some amazing new friends too. I went to my first ever cupsleeve in May, and I've been to a couple more since then, with another one on the calendar for later this month (happy birthday Mingi). And next time they come to the UK I am definitely going to try and get tickets, which will also make them my first kpop concert.

It's taken me a long time to get here, but the important thing is I made it.

Happy Ateez-versary to me!

[skullamity]

I opened Facebook to check something, an activity I generally avoid because The Algorithm + the intentional inability to block shit I don't want to see + the default view being 90% that, 8% paid advertisements with the remaining 2% being people I actually follow and want to see updates from makes it functionally unusable. I was on there for less than 5 minutes before the algorithm was like hey, do you want to be enraged? Do you?

May I present to you, the image:

This was presented to me with the caption "the protected account is the 16 year old artist who made this shit" (paraphrasing here because I closed the app and the way the algorithm works is that I'll basiclally never be able to find this again). Notably, it did NOT remove usernames, a thing I did for both of the accounts in the screencap.

So why am I mad?

There were NEARLY FOUR HUNDRED COMMENTS on this, and nearly all of them were shitting on a minor who committed the crime of *checks notes* recolouring and doing some minor edits to some DanDaDan art. As far as I could tell, ALL of the comments were from actual adults, and 90% of them were scrutinizing the motivations of an actual kid for fucking around in Photoshop or whatever. The few people defending this kid, for the fact that they were a kid and this is the biggest fucking nothing burger? Were being pissed all over for "not caring about cultural appropriation, 'racist blackwashing,' how unoriginal making fanart is, how fanart is 'basically stealing,' etc."

Can I just say, as someone who draws for a living? If you are ever tempted to pile on some kid for any one of these things, nevermind all of them, you should instead consider deleting every avenue of social media you have on your phone and touching some grass.

If I had had that sort of scrutiny on me at all time in such insane numbers when I was 14-16 and just learning how to draw (got internet at 14, yes, I'm old)? I would simply have quit forever. Because when kids are learning, they do stuff like this! I remember outright stealing poses from art I liked and found on ye olde Anime Web Turnpike, and using them like paper dolls to make my own characters over top.

Someone called me out on it once when I dared to upload a drawing I did to fukken like...Elfwood or whatever that art site was? And I took it down and never did it again. It was embarrassing even though I rationally knew that I was a kid learning on my own with zero direction, and this behaviour is expected for kids! It is forgivable! Especially since kids aren't making money off this shit is it literally just for fun!

If I had that one person do that and it made me go, oh, actually, I shouldn't do that unless I want to feel embarrassed over and over, I can pretty confidently say that if hundreds or thousands of adults called me out on it and ALSO left paragraphs about how I'm a horrible person, I would have quit drawing, which again, has been my career for almost my entire adult life, and also probably burned my social media to the ground and moved one town over after changing my name.

If you come across someone doing something to or with art and you don't like it, consider:

1) is it hurting anyone in a meaningful, tangible way? you being annoyed or disgusted does not count as meaningful or tangible because you can literally just block them and go on with your day.

2) is it breaking the rules/TOS of the platform that it has been posted on?

3) will going nuclear on this kid actually help anyone in any meaningful, tangible way?

If you are able to be honest with yourself, 99% of the time the answer to all three of these is going to be NO. I would argue that if any single ONE of these is a NO, you the course of action you take should begin and end with blocking them and moving on with your life. Giving some kid who just wanted to see some characters that looked more like her and thought it would be neat to race swap some comic characters a nervous breakdown isn't praxis, it's just fucking evil and you should feel bad for even considering it, nevermind actively contributing to it.

Being in the Internet is going to present you with a lot of situations where your brain is going to encourage you to swoop in with righteous fury and mete out an epic smackdown on some unsuspecting kid because it will make you look and feel like The Good Guy--you're making a difference AND you'll get that sweet, sweet dopamine hit + quick gratification the second those likes and agrees start flooding your inbox. That is the devil taking--you're not thwarting some evil by strangling it at the root level, you're killing some kid's enthusiasm for creative exploration and ruining something that they might have really come to love and put a lot of hard work into if you could have just chosen to walk away over feeding your greedy little ego.

Who are you protecting, here? NOBODY. Every pro artist I know, and I know so, so fucking many of them, would tell you to fuck all the way off if they ever heard you harassed a kid on behalf of our profession. Most of us WERE that kid, and the only difference is that many of us grew up without the looming presence of social media and the kind of bloodlust that fuels these weird public trials and shaming.

Consider doing literally ANYTHING else! He'll, if you are so sure that you know the "correct" way to draw, maybe you should take up drawing yourself and instead of raining down social mob "justice" on teens, you can draw a picture instead and pat yourself on the back for doing something productive instead of destructive. Fuck!

[kirain]

I've been on this site for over ten years and I've never had to do this, but sadly the time has come where I feel forced to make a call out post, if only for the safety of my blog.

Please do not harass this person. PLEASE DO NOT HARASS THEM! That is not my goal here. That said, I do suggest you avoid them at all costs, for your own safety and sanity.

A few days ago, I made a post responding to some anonymous hate I received regarding Gale Dekarios, a character from BG3. An account named Turtwg, who has now changed her name to Shdowheart, took issue with the content and tone of my post. Instead of simply blocking me, she attacked me and several other people in the notes, and accused me of sending the anon to myself.

I responded, arguing against her accusations and a few other remarks she made. Just typical fandom discourse. Or so I thought.

I regret it now (only because I've lost some evidence), but I deleted many of her and my messages. They were clogging up my post and veering extremely off topic, but eventually she admitted I didn't send the anon to myself. When I asked her how she knew that, she said she traced the anon to a Gale-centric account. You see, she believed the anon wasn't sent by an Astarion fan, but by a Gale fan trying to create discourse. In a normal situation, I'd say that's a fair assumption for anyone to make, but something seemed off.

First of all, despite several people telling her it's not possible to track down blogs through their anonymous messages, she insisted she found the user responsible—which honestly made me wonder if she sent the anon herself, hoping to create drama. If she did, then mission accomplished, I guess. We messaged back and forth in the notes for a while, with me commenting on both the impossibility and morality of tracking down an anonymous user. During that time, her responses to me were lightning fast. Constant. Remember that for later.

Second, she soon told me she had the anon's IP address, which she said she'd "happily send me". I told her an IP address doesn't prove anything because it can be photoshopped and a lot of people use VPNs. I also pointed out how utterly insane it is to dox/cyberstalk someone over a post about a video game. It's really not that serious. But out of sheer curiosity, I told her to give me the blog name. Not because I believed her, but because I was curious to see if she'd accuse a popular blog or someone who could defend themselves. The moment I asked, she went silent for nearly an hour. 🤔

When she came back, she gave me the name of an account called Dekariosbf. She told me to message the account, so I did, though I made no accusations against them yet. As I waited for a reply, I accused Turtwg of making the account herself, as it was barren with no activity whatsoever. No likes, no posts, nothing. She easily could've created the account during that hour of peace. Moreover, after she gave me the account name and I accused her of creating it, her responses were once again lightning fast. 🤔

As we argued, I sent my brother-in-law and a friend of mine a link to my blog and had them read through the discourse. They don't have Tumblr accounts, but they're both computer nerds and my brother-in-law literally works with computers/programs for a living. I asked them if anything Turtwg said was valid, and they (along with someone else in the notes who claimed to work in UI/UX) confirmed that no, absolutely nothing she said was valid. Tumblr pays for a service that protects their users, and the only way to trace anons is by using extremely unsavory and illegal methods ... and even then it's extremely unlikely to work.

Speaking of, my brother-in-law eventually messaged me and told me he found the actual account that sent the anon. I stupidly believed him and jumped the gun on that, because it turns out he was just being a shit disturber. That said, I used this information to call Turtwg out on her lies. In response, Dekariosbf miraculously (and in a rather timely fashion) responded to me. Unfortunately I don't have any screenshots of this interaction, but I'll explain why in a moment.

Dekariosbf was chatty and cordial at first. I asked them for their main account name, but they refused to give it, saying they only use it for poetry; which, as you can see from the screenshot, directly contradicts their bio, but I digress. I was suspicious, but also kept in mind the possibility that this might've been an innocent person Turtwg accused. For a while we shot the shit, talking back and forth about BG3, reading, teaching—but I did this for a reason. I wanted to get a feel for their writing style. Sure enough, they wrote exactly like Turtwg. Same spelling mistakes, same pattern of punctuation, same use of lower case letters instead of capital letters, same abbreviations, etc.

Finally, when I was sure it was her, I dropped the bomb. I very gently told "Dekariosbf" that someone named Turtwg accused them of sending me a hateful Gale anon, but that I didn't believe it. Low and behold, they did a complete 180.

"Yes, it was me. It was totally me. I just LOVE your blog and RESPECT you so much. I LOVE Gale and I wanted to know what you'd say if I sent that anon. It wasn't meant to be hateful. Please don't write a call out post about me. Please don't tell your followers. I mean, I understand if you do, but please don't. Turtwg messaged me and threatened to dox me and sent me a photo of my IP address. She's so smart, I don't think you should mess with her. Oh and my mom can't speak English. If we get doxxed, I think it would kill her."

Right...

I said I didn't believe them and accused them of being Turtwg on a sock account. They kept insisting they weren't, begged me to believe they sent the anon (and I mean they were desperate for me to believe it), and very strangly didn't express any anger or confusion over the situation. When I brought up the accusation, they completely changed their tone from friendly to "oh yeah, that was me". I kept saying I didn't believe them, particularly because of what my brother-in-law said, but promised not to call any attention to them. I was happy to simply let the matter rest. Suddenly, mid conversation, they deleted their entire blog. Poof. It's gone now, along with all our messages.

I thought that would be the end of it, but not even five minutes after Dekariosbf flung themselves into the void, Turtwg herself DMed me out of nowhere and accused me of trying to hack her account, presumably because I told "Dekariosbf" that my brother-in-law is computer savvy. Keep in mind that before this moment, our entire conversation took place in the notes of my post. I never DMed her, nor did I have any intention of doing so. I also had absolutely no idea what she was talking about, I just knew she was lying to me. Now it looks as though she's ramping up to lie to the Tumblr admins in order to get my account deleted.

And all because my post about a video game made her angry.

I really hate drawing attention to this. You can see in my other posts that I always censor people's usernames, but as I said at the beginning ... I don't feel like I have a choice this time. I want this up so the Tumblr admins or whoever can see it.

Turtwg has attacked other people for posting their opinions as well. For example, she attacked this person just because they expressed their opinon on wyllsterion. She went so far as to call them racist when Wyll is literally one of their favourite characters. She just got mad because they don't think Wyll and Astarion make sense together; a perfectly valid opinion. And I only know about this because I received messages warning me about interacting with Turtwg/Shdowheart from someone who recognised them in the notes of my post.

I guess I should've blocked her from the start, but I've said many times in the past that I enjoy a good debate. Plus I was genuinely curious to see how far she was willing to take her lie. Unfortunately, I underestimated just how unhinged she truly is. On her own blog, she's even admitted that she's had to make a new account seven times, likely due to other drama she started.

I was very hesitant to put this in the BG3 tags, but since that seems to be the fandom she interacts with the most, I figured it would be a fair warning to anyone else she might harass. She's particularly active in the Astarion/Wyll/Wyllsterion tags. Stay safe, everyone. I think I'll sign off for a while. I'm tired, and this has somehow become the most toxic fandom I've ever dared to be a part of.

Please do not harass this person. PLEASE DO NOT HARASS THEM! That is not my goal here. That said, I do suggest you avoid them at all costs, for your own safety and sanity.

[cinematicnomad]

Hi! I love your gifs, you're very talented! They look amazing and so fluid and CRISP. Do you have a tip for beginners? Especially in preserving the quality, I've used Giphy but the page RUINS IT. Thanks❤️

hey! this is really sweet, thank you so much for the compliment!! i'm not the best at writing out tutorials or anything, but i am happy to share some that i definitely found useful when i was getting back into gif making during the pandemic.

so this tutorial for beginners by @hayaosmiyazaki is pretty fundamental! it's the one i rec to everybody. it's a few years old now, so some of the links might not be active anymore for all i know, but it does a wonderful job going through the ENTIRE process start to finish.

@saw-x also has a solid tutorial for beginners that has some more great explainers, especially about sizing and ratios for tumblr posting.

here's a beginner's guide to channel mixer by @aubrey-plaza which really helped ME out because tbh i went several years not using this layer feature bc i was so intimidated by it. don't be me!!

@aubrey-plaza also has another great tutorial on how to fix orange-washed coloring ESPECIALLY on poc actors. similarly, @ augustds has a tutorial on how to spot and stop whitewashing poc in gifs.

and then you can always go through my #tutorial tag to find any other posts i thought were worthwhile for myself to save!

regarding your other question, i'm gonna be honest, i'm not even sure how giphy fits into this question, so i guess?? my advice would be: don't use giphy. i have photoshop and save all gifs to my files (instructions available in the first tutorial) and then upload them to tumblr directly. i typically delete my gif files after posting them, but if i ever need to find/save them again for whatever reason, i find the post, open the gif in a new tab, delete the "v" at the end of "gifv" in the url, and then refresh the page. this should let you save the gif as is and you can post it elsewhere if needed.

anyway. hope this helps!! sorry it took me a few days to reply :)

[mrs-monaghan]

I ain't gonna lie. JK kinda being a bit of a shit stirrer today. Why is he posting pictures adding up to 13 like he's baiting Jimin, but posting the food in the same set of dishes that Tae owns? Tae already showed that dish set in his story not long ago. Kinda like that day JK said Jimin was his, but turned around and said Tae was his. JM's in NY minding his business, while JK's kinda being messy. Well, at least both sets of shippers are happy & fighting at the same time over who JK is really posting for.

Anon, come closer. Let me show you something.

Remember this?

Okay. Wonderful then I'm sure you remember that atrocity they did of photoshoping V on Jimin's face. See if u can find it among all these times where they replaced Jimin with V.

These assholes didn't even try 🤦🏽‍♀️🤦🏽‍♀️ That's one of the most iconic Jikook moments of all time. If you're gonna try to copy at least put in some effort 🙄🙄

That's one.

2) Remember when Jimin said the best part that represented him was the timestamp 1:23 on the One Day MV?

Remember how JK started recommending songs to army and pausing the songs at 1:23? He did this continuously without fail. (Manilla fight)

Even when sometimes the part made no sense. More on this here.

When Jikookers started celebrating this guess what the vermin did? They took the 123 theory and decided to relate that to Vkook. Even though they never would have done that shit, if Jikookers didn't point it out. According to them, 123 was about Tkk because V was born on 12th December 🤦🏽‍♀️

Shouldn't it have been 1230 then?? Why did they get rid of the 0? For convenience as always. 🙄🙄 Well, joke's on them, because JK stopped doing this. This is one of the earliest moments of JK debunking Tkkrs.

3) When Jkkrs noticed the JM and started talking about it.

The vermin said the tiger was about them. Because V's animal is a tiger.

Fuck the fact that the tiger and Korean culture go hand in hand. But guess what JK did when he met Poly C? He👏🏾covered👏🏾that👏🏾shit👏🏾up! Sure the man and the rest of BTS hated how the SK government were treating them. Sure he hates how he can't even show the world who he's in love with due to his homophobic country, so he decided the Tiger didn't mean that much to him after all. But I bet he saw a chance to kill 2 birds with one stone and he did. Fuck SK and fuck Tkkrs. Boom! Done.

4) When Karmy nick named Jikook the Sun and Moon duo because satellite Jeon is always orbiting Jimin like the moon orbits the sun, The vermin also started calling Tkk the Sun and Moon duo. Their reason? Don't ask me. Idk and idc. Too bad though, coz even BH knows who are the REAL Sun and Moon duo

5) While we are on the "mine" topic. Karmy already explained the difference between JK saying Jimin is his Vs when he said (warning RIP your algorithm if you click on this) V is his. According to Karmy, with V it came off more like a statement. With Jimin it was possessive, AF. And I agree. Not just because I'm a Jikooker, but because you don't need to be Korean to hear the difference.

For context: An army asked JK to give Jimin to them and JK was like; he's mine. But here is what u have to keep in mind. The V one came way, way, waaaaaay later than the Jimin one. As soon as he said Jimin was his, the vermin kept pestering JK with the same thing the former Army asked about Jimin. So going by JK's tone, it seems to me like he said what he said about V, to shut them up. 🤷🏽‍♀️ The difference is in the tone, guys. U don't gotta be Korean to hear it.

These are just a few examples. And now you're telling me, even though our numbers theory makes more sense, Tkkrs are claiming what JK is doing on weverse for themselves because of a plate?? A plate? Really.

This is just like when they decided Tkk went snowboarding because of a pair of shoes. Like no one else owns those shoes apart from JK and V 🤡 Again, someone please explain to me how people take them seriously. Please. They want what we have soooooo bad. They have always wanted what we have.

Jin can grab V's balls or whatever tf this was. Taejin what goes on??? 🧐🧐

And the vermin did not bat an eye. Not one fucking peep from them. But in the same memories 2021, Jimin gets embarrassed and does the simple act of hiding his face in JK's neck (something he has done for years BTW)

And ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE!!!

You cannot tell me these people don't know Jikook is real. If they didn't see what we see they wouldn't want what we have so bad. And they certainly wouldn't feel so damn threatened.

So anon, JK owning the same plate as V, cannot even be compared to JK making a post on Jimin time. It ain't and will never be the fucking same. Please.

[mysteryandnonstopfun]

content creator tag game

I was tagged by @willsilvertongue back in 2021 to play this awesome game. I am probably very delayed in doing it, but here we are ˚ʚ ᗢ₊˚✧ RULES: answer the questions and then tag 10+ other creators to answer the questions!  first creation and most recent creation of 2020: To make this more interesting, here is my first gif set of 2020 and here is my last current gifset. I have improved, but I'm never going to let go of Swanfire. one of your favourite creations from 2020: Back in 2020, I felt that I had nailed it with this one, especially the typography part, but now that I take a look, it could have been better. Special mention to this one a creation you’re really proud of: This one has a special place in my heart. That's why it's my current header. a new style you tried this year and a gifset that uses it: I'm not proud, but I was really into the saturation settings; they were cool back in the day, okay? A lot of my gifsets had them. My favorites were this, this, this, this and this. Special mention to this one because swanfire

your favourite colouring: I used to be the worst at coloring, but from time to time I did a good job. How? I'm not sure; I'm always playing around with Photoshop. Loved this, this, this this this this and this. Spacial mention to this because swanfire, it always swanfire with me.

a creation that took you forever: I'm the most chaotic creator you will ever meet, so most things take me forever. A few examples are all of the ones for Swanfire Week because I love my babies and always want to do my best, but I don't always nail it. Example 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 and i could keep going but let's keep at it. your creation from 2020 that received the most notes: my cuties. It was probably a case of timing a creation you think deserved more notes: I think all of them had the right amount of notes. Of course, I wish all of them had more, but it's okay a creation with a favourite scene/quote: Fun fact: the other day I was talking with @wehavegotthedreamersdisease about this quote and how I made a gif set with it a long time ago. It's funny how things come back to you in weird ways. Also I needed to do this one. a new fandom you joined and a creation you made for it: That was the year I got into Astro, and my favorite edit I have done for them is this one. a creation you made that breaks your heart: The first time I decided to gif Bealfire's death, I was crying the whole time I did it. It was kind of therapeutic. a ‘simple’ creation that you really love: Probably this one a creation that was inspired by another one (add both your creation and the one that inspired it!): I loved the quote and i had to use it. the inspo / my edit a favourite creation created by someone else: I love everything made by these awesome girls @elphabasthropp @odjnsons @doontpanic @neverfindmegone @heatherfield some of your favourite content creators from the year:  2020 was way too long ago; but I'm sure all the people above

I'm not going to tag anyone to do it because I know it’s kind of late, but maybe if you want to do it for 2024, it would be awesome— but don't feel pressured.

Let's normalize answering messages years later.

[burnt2ashleys]

hey.

been a while, huh. I don't remember how many months since I've made an entry here. This is a dlog, or something like it, but I haven't really interacted with this beyond the occasional like and reblog spree.

The past several months have not been kind to me, the last 2 more than the rest. And while I could air out my very real, lame and depressing IRL woes, I think it's best if I spare you and I both from making a wall of text wall-ier.

I draw for a life (not a living, because I've not made much money out of it, but I don't do much else being a NEET), and Clip Studio Paint, my preferred program to draw in, seems to have hiccups I can't fix no matter what, so after months of trying and failing, I went back to Photoshop to draw. It wasn't until a few days ago that I finally felt like I had something going in regards to art digitally (last time I felt this way was in May). Heck, I was (and kinda still am!) even drawing on paper to keep a habit going.

But, things seem to be flowing again. At least, for now. Everything is still very tenuous and things could still go breasts-up at a moment's notice, but I'm willing to believe that I'll make it out okay despite everything.

That said, it's October, the halloween month. And I made myself a new avatar! It's my first time painting in a very long time. Check it out:

I don't know about you guys, but I feel I nailed this. I'm really proud of it!

And I feel kinda confident, almost excited to tackle some of the projects I've been letting gather dust for several years. Though, whether or not I'll be able to do anything concrete this month remains to be seen. It'll be a busy, busy next few weeks and months.

To whoever reads this: Thanks. I may not know you, but I'm thankful someone took some time out of their day to read... whatever this is, really.

[shouyuus]

new ask on the new blog!! i love the aesthetics!

glad to hear that things are going well on your part!! and yeah, i remember back in the days fandom on tumblr was more interactive, but it was also when we were all stuck at home because of external circumstances :’) i wish your bf all the best for finding a job… TT . TT i technically can enter tech, but i study design. i know user interface & user experience is an overlap of design and tech, but it’s highly competitive and i don’t really have the confidence… i don’t have a good portfolio to fall back on, haha. i think… looking at current happenings i am not optimistic about the economy either, but i will stay positive that eventually i’ll find something…

happy 30th birthday btw!!! what are 3 advice / tips you gained abt life or writing? (no pressure) — @anonymilk

you are so right soy sauce is the backbone of any great culinary dish… so are fics… i didn’t know soy sauce is shouyou in japanese! that makes your fic rec blog makes sense. ahhh, that’s so cute that your blog is technically soy sauce with inspiration from hinata and ur own name. i really like urls like that. so much story and meaning behind it XD how was it like setting up a brand new blog? any thing u might have done differently? — @anonymilk oh yes… what does it mean when a series is limited… — @anonymilk

gonna combine ur asks !!! hehe so! yes - the tech market is hard rn but i have faith and he's the best boi so he'll find something eventually; i think you'll def find something too! unfortunately i think in this economy, it rly just is about grinding and sending out a bunch of apps, and then eventually, something will come around.

thank u for the bday wishes!!!! hmmm 3 pieces of advice? i think:

don't be afraid of being silly! growing up is overrated and yes, there's a time and a place for that, but don't let go of the things that bring you joy, no matter how "weird" they are, or how "niche" or whatever. if it makes u happy, then it makes you happy!

sometimes ur emotions aren't a choice, but whenever they are, you're allowed to make the choice to not feel a thing -- this was a bit harder for me to learn, bc its hard to think of being like "in control" of ur emotions without trying to be like deny, deny, nope, nope, nope. but at least for me "choosing" not to feel a certain type of way is acknowledging like "cool okay so, my body/brain is having this type of kneejerk reaction, and that's fine, but also im not gonna let it consume me" and after that, it gets a bit easier to handle

specifically about writing? don't be so hard on urself! :) this is a true passion project right -- we don't make money, we do it bc we want to and it makes us happy, and it maybe makes a few other ppl happy too, and that's a pretty cool thing! ur allowed to take breaks, to step away, to do you and live ur life and come back to this hobby later! it'll always be here waiting for you

T B H setting up the new blog was kinda stressful but FUn stressful. like it took an obscene amount of time to figure out the kind of aesthetic i wanted to have, and then to like... re-acquaint myself with html and photoshop and all that LOL but im rly happy with how it's turning out so far !!!

and yES so a limited series is just like... a mini-series. so in tv that's like 3-4 episodes instead of a 10-12 episode "season" of tv. and i borrowed that term bc instead of having like 10 chapters, this "series" is only rly like... 4 chapters and a bit more so !!! that's all!

[nszypher]

I have a story to tell, and it's not exactly a fun one. More of a venting thing, if I'm honest. You don't have to read it. But I need to get my thoughts out and while I did a story thing on TikTok because it is most likely going to go away soon, something weird happened and it added music and I also just think I do better in text.

So here we go.

This is the story of a book cover and the freelance job I never should've agreed to take. It's a long one. I don't expect anyone to get through it.

For the record, I am not sharing the name of the author, nor the title of the book. And I'm going to do my best to keep things vague. A few people who might read this will know, but it is not about dragging the actual author through the mud. Or at least, not in a way anyone can use to figure out who they are and where.

Back in, I believe it was September, I was approached by a local author to design a cover for their upcoming book. I knew them vaguely through a social thing my mom and I both go to off and on. To be honest, I didn't know this person well, but they seemed an alright sort. Mom also didn't seem to have an issue with them. So even though I was busy and hella stressed from my job, and I was mentally going through a really rough patch, I agreed to at least meet with her and feel it out.

The meeting was fine. Pleasant, even. They told me about the book, and some about the previous two books. They said broad strokes of the plot so I could make a cover that suited the book overall. We also talked about just writing in general, as I do a bit of it myself, our backgrounds and stuff like that. As you do.

I question now a lot of what they told me. Either they are lying, or stretching the truth to make themselves sound more than they are. It is possible that they truly did all they said, but if so, I think they were likely very poor at most of these jobs.

For example. They say they were a hospital chaplin for a time. They are one of the least empathetic people I've met in a while.

They claim they know Photoshop and was an editor at some newspaper somewhere. I realize tech changes, but they can't even figure out Google Drive.

They are older. I get that. But they can't even keep their age straight. They told my mom they were turning 80 this past birthday (which was some time between September and December), but told me at the meeting they were 84. And if they were so sharp, as they claimed, they would have better reading comprehension, but half the time, barely even seemed to understand basic, simple words.

More on that later.

So things rocked along. I didn't get to work on it right away. Things were busy. And everytime I tried to even think about it, I had a lot of anxiety over it. I don't have a lot of free time, and agreeing to this felt like a mistake, even at this point.

I should've listened.

I finally leveled with them and asked for a deadline. Deadlines help me focus and force me to buckle down and get shit done. And they gave me one. I think it was on or around the beginning of November, maybe the end of October. The date doesn't matter to me now because after work one day, I took my laptop to the library, say down, and got the bulk of it done in one sitting. Using a template created by Amazon's self publishing service (which is what they were using), I got started. By the time I left that night, I had a cover, a spine knowing I would have to modify it later more than likely, and a back designed without text. All I needed was whatever text they wanted for the back so I could put that on and then it would be finished.

I sent it to them for approval and they loved it instantly. And that's also kind of where the trouble started in earnest.

They proceeded to send me three or four different versions of two different blocks of text over the course of a week or so. I say two different blocks because for some reason, they had it in their head that they should put a bio on the back, pic and all. They got some advice when they started they should, and it's bad advice in my opinion. Mom and I tried to help them see that space could be better utilized, and that no modern author outside of non fiction and maybe something like historical fiction does that in the modern age. Nor do they need to.

To be clear, I am not opposed to an author's bio in a book. But there is a place for it. On the back cover of a paperback is not it. They also put their email on there. I doubt that they get any emails from that. They've only sold a handful of books anyway.

But whatever. At the end of the day, doesn't matter what I think. We were trying to help, but they didn't care and just wanted a bio, likely to stroke their own ego. They seem to have this deep desire to be someone and be noticed and fawned over. I feel a bio on the back like that is just a self congratulatory wank off, but what do I know?

I'm not any kind of published. And that seems to be part of the problem with this person.

Anyway, months go by. I hear nothing. Not a big deal really. They're still writing. My mom agreed to help proof read and edit, and that process is still going on so there's really not much for me to do anyway. October comes and goes. Then November. Then at some point, it becomes December. And I have heard nothing at all from them.

Oh, and we missed their first deadline by this point. I don't remember exactly what it was, but I feel like they originally wanted it done and printed by sometime in mid November.

Meanwhile, mom is editing and kind of fighting with the author on edits and changes. That process is not going well, at least not on our end. My mom is very good at grammar rules. Overall. There are a few literary things she didn't know, and I confirmed what I could, but otherwise, she's stellar. She edited all my papers in college and I rarely, if ever, had a mistake. And mom tells me that this author makes huge, glaring errors. Some are big grammar issues. Some are incorrect phrases used in narrative, not speech. And some are story confusion, as in calling someone the incorrect name. Which is wild to me. You made up these characters. You should at least be able to keep up with who is who. And the editing takes a while because the author is adding stuff after mom read a lot, if not all.

Things kind of come to a head around December 5th. Mom went with the author to a book signing that weekend, after helping prep for it the Friday before. And then Mom also had a Christmas cantata thing Sunday, and all three of these things took most of their respective days. She told the author that she does still want to give it all a another look, but wouldn't be able to finish it until Monday. So she asked the author to hold off sending it to the formatter until then.

The author sent it to the formatter on Sunday, while mom was rehearsing for the Cantada. And then when mom got kind of mad about that, she was hit with "Well, we could dink with it forever and never get it perfect and I just want to be done with it." Which is just... Crazy to think about for me. Here my mom was, trying to make this the best it could be, and the author just decided that it was good enough and sent it to the formatter anyway.

Who, as it happens, apparently also proof reads. Doesn't edit, doesn't make story suggestions, just grammar ones. Which apparently is all the author wanted my mom to do anyway.

Begs the question of why didn't you just send it to the formatter anyway? Why even bring in my mom? No one knows.

Meanwhile, I still have heard nothing. Which is fine really. It's not my job to pester them for the resources. When they are done and ready, they'll send it along.

Except they then decided to bitch at my mom about me never responding to them. My mom immediately said that wasn't like me. Because it isn't. Even if I don't write a novel in every email, as I am very pragmatic when answering questions and stuff, I do respond. Hell, half my emails at work are just open word, "Done," because I've been asked to do something and that is the only thing that needs to be said. Mom then asked them what email they were sending things to, and never got a response. But less than a week later, around December 13th, suddenly I had text for the back.

We think they send it to the wrong email.

I wrote back and said I would put it on, that I still needed the page count verified, I still need a bio if they still wanted to do that, and that my mom had forwarded me the pic she indicated she wanted to use. The author sent me nothing more.

But whatever. So I plugged in the text and waited for the rest. A bit later, they emailed again, asking how things were going, and I told them that I was still waiting on a bio. They sent me yet another book summary, the bio, and the pic I already said I didn't need. And this summary was long. At least twice as long as the once sent earlier in December. I was at work at the time, so I sent an email back saying that I was at work and didn't have the file in front of me, but just eyeballing it, I didn't think it would fit.

I got back, word for word, "Fine. Do whatever works. Thanks."

I found out later that mom had also pushed back on something, so they were already pissy. But I took it, and I did it. I made a Google Drive folder, and inside, I put high quality, isolated versions of the front and back covers. And then two more folders labeled Kindle and Print, since according to my research, they are set up differently, and then put a large, high quality version of the complete cover, labeled as "Print," in one, and two versions of the Kindle, with and without spine, in the "Kindle" and sent her the link to the file.

They then sent back that the Kindle with spine looked a little small, and that I needed to make it bigger. They also cut down both text blocks because their editor said they should. I mean, so did I but guess my word isn't good enough. So I made the changes, re-uploaded, and sent back.

They still only looked at the smaller, eBook Kindle cover for print and still complained it was too small. So I bullet pointed them.

Kindle: [insert link here]

Print: [insert link here]

And sincerely thought we were done with it. A week or two more go by before they reach out once again to tell me it's still too small. Again. And screenshotted Google results saying what size the cover should be.

I know. I got a template. You're looking at the wrong one still. So I just sent them the big one for print. This would've been right before Christmas, if I recall. One of these is before Christmas anyway.

Now, they had set a book signing for the release of this new book January 25th. It would be tight, but still doable at this point. I also just state that I hadn't been paid yet by this point. I was holding off just in case something else came up.

And it did.

Around New Year's, something else came up. I don't remember anymore. This may have been the time I got the shortened text. But I was out of state visiting a friend and didn't take my laptop with me, so I told them as much, and that I would look at it when I got home. Did whatever, sent it off. I also realized at some point that they did not understand that "Kindle" meant "eBook." It is Kindle Direct Publishing, but Kindle itself is an eBook. But whatever. Should've figured out "Print" is for the printed, physical copy. But they clearly can't read anyway since they didn't respond to what I actually asked. Too busy stream of consciousness waxing poetic about inconsequential things and then thinking themselves clever.

And nearly a week later, another email, this time saying some error came up when they uploaded the cover, and while I asked two, maybe tree time what the error said, they my never told me. They said it wanted a PGN file and wasn't letting them do anything else. First, Amazon's own site says they accept JPEG, PNG, and likely something else I'm forgetting, someone if it didn't make sense, I made a PNG and sent onwards. When that didn't instantly fix the problem, they emailed back.

Instead of telling me the error like I asked more than once, they wanted me to log into their account and do it on their behalf, but couldn't remember the password and then put it on me to reset it for them. When that didn't pan out, they tried to get me to come over and walk them through uploading it to Amazon or do a Zoom call for that. Mind you, they had supposedly done this four times before. But then surprise, surprise. It came out that they never actually did it, that the other artists did it for them.

Here's the catch: I am not those other artists. And I had never done this kind of thing before. I wouldn't know anything more anyway. Could I have figured it out? Probably. Did I want to? Absolutely not.

So I refused. I said I wasn't tech support and this was more than I was comfortable with. Even though email, I could see they were getting huffy with me. But they told me fine, they'll figure it out, and to please send my invoice. Which I had to make on the fly. Because I don't do this stuff. Ever.

And then I had to pay a PayPal fee because they couldn't figure out how to find me in PayPal. But whatever. I just wanted to be done. Shortly after that, they got their daughter and son-in-law involved, and for the first time, I actually saw the error.

While I took into account bleed, I didn't realize that the software wouldn't recognize the size alone, and went by where there is white space for bleed. No matter. Easy fix. So I fixed when I got back home as I was out at the time.

Keep in mind this. We are now around January 10th. The book signing is in 15 days. Not 15 business days. 15 total days. And according to what my mom heard them say, it takes about 2 weeks to get the books printed. And I imagine that's not including holidays. So really, it's probably more than likely 10 to 14 business days. And that's assuming nothing else happens. So already, while they are still claiming they will make it, the writing is on the walls.

Cue drum and cymbal sting.

And then, January 16th, they email me. Again. Saying there is some issue with the price location or something. At least that's what I kind of gleamed through the drivel of the email. And they said they had reached out to the person who did the other four covers of her book in hopes they could fix it. And it not, they said they would be forced to go to a genetic cover.

Now, my understanding from the first meeting, and what they said after, is that the other people weren't an option for one reason or another. They couldn't find people to do stuff for them.

Can't imagine why.

They had expressed, too, that they didn't like the previous covers much, and that for the second book in this asinine series, they actually were forced to do it themselves.

I'm not sure which part of this is true and which is a lie anymore. But based on what I've seen, I do not believe for a second that the author made anything relating to any cover.

I was in the middle of composing an email saying sure, that I would send over a PSD file for whoever to mess with. But before I could do that, I got another email from the author with the email of a new person and asking me to give them the file. Because even though it was unspoken, the implication is either "I'm too lazy," "I'm too important," or "I'm too stupid," to do it themselves. I think it's a bit of all. But the author also included the response from the "fixer," we'll call them, and that really pissed me off.

The fixer started, right off the bat, with "This is why you should work only with people who know what they're doing," and goes on to basically slag me off, and then say that they need a PSD and why. This person, who knows nothing about me, just assumed I knew nothing. Now, granted, I have never done a book cover before, a fact I have been upfront about since the beginning. And I haven't done much graphic design since 2013. But I got an Amazon template. It should've worked. I don't know why it didn't. If I had been given codes, maybe had I actually gotten into the account, I probably could've fixed it myself. But nope. Just insult me, even if you didn't realize that the author is too lazy and callous to consider that maybe you shouldn't send the whole email since that was a shitty thing to say.

But sure. Go off I guess. Cleaned up the layers. Grouped stuff together. Labeled them. Uploaded the PSD file and a TrueType file for some of the text, and sent it off to the fixer, saying that I was offering to send the author the PSD but this was better and blah blah blah. It was easier, to be sure. But I don't even want to talk to the fixer after I got put down by them.

And here's the kicker. A couple of kickers even. The author just now acknowledged that they would not make the January 25th signing. Which I predicted. But they apparently got a printed, proof copy. And then said the cover was rejected. By who, my dude? Amazon? Because they seemed to print the one just fine. You? Maybe?

And the worst part is if it was an issue with the barcode, just not having the useless bio would've fixed the issue right away. If that shit wasn't down there, there would be no problem with the pricing or barcode or whatever. But because you need everyone to know you are important, you did it anyway. And here's we are.

The only consolation I have from this is that my mom, who has read this book three times now, has told me that it's not good. Not bad, but not good. Mediocre at best. And she said that I was writing better in late high school and early college. My mom doesn't just say nice things. You gotta earn them. But this author wants to be so much more than they are. They seem to want to be so important and to write the next great American novel while they can barely string a coherent thought together.

I can tell because every email I have ever gotten from them includes at least one paragraph of something she did that day in the most long-winded form possible. I know this post is long too, and it may seem like the pot calling the kettle black, but trust me, if the author was trying to retell their side of things, it would be twice as long. They think they are so important and have so much to say.

For fuck's sake, they even put pretentious book club questions in the back, but because the story is so shallow, so are those questions. They are more like what you would ask an elementary school kid. And moreover, they claim it's a book for all ages whole having graphic, or at least semigraphic, scenes in it, some involving sex or sex discussion, some involving murder. It is not for all ages. But because of the setting and time period and overall feel, younger people wouldn't be interested. And because of the simplicity, older people likely wouldn't be interested either. Maybe the real old people who lived in this very specific version of America might be interested, but then it is unrealistic, not like what they likely grew up in at all. So these are kind of books without a real audience. And I'm sure that's part of why they don't sell well.

They claim they aren't out to make money and that they just want to get their stories out there. And initially, I understood that sentiment. But I see now it is fuel for the ego more than it is a true artistic endeavor. I would almost rather them be in it for the money.

And they can't even recognize when people are actually trying to help. Mom pushed back on stuff while editing, not to have her way but to make it better. Mom took time out of her life to help this person set up book signings, a Google Drive (that they still can't use correctly, by the way), and who knows what else in addition to the editing. I pushed back on some cover things because I knew what worked and what didn't, what would look good and in place with modern books and what would make it stick out as an amateur attempt.

I'm not saying mine was the most professional. Of course it wasn't. But I think it looked damn good. And so did everyone else who saw it.

But rather than listen to us, the people closest to the situation who were truly attempting to help, they would rather listen to people they believe are smart and intelligent and more worthy of time and praise. Heck, their daughter and son-in-law took one weekend, maybe, to help. And who knows what else they might've done, briefly, in the week following, but the author sang their praises about how they took time out of their busy schedule to help them and that their job is so important and it was such a blessing and all that junk. Nevermind all the work my mom did. For fucking free. Moreover, I have a full time job myself. I gave up time to do things that I wanted to do for this. And for what? So I could be belittled?

The author would rather surround themself with yes people than actually listen to anyone trying to help. Praise is welcome and criticism means you hate them. How childish. And then they only acknowledge those who fawn over them. My mom told me about how at one signing she went to help with, one of the author's "mentors" did nothing but sit there and praise them, and the author was just eating it up. Personally, I hate this kind of thing. I want you to tell me if it is good, yes, but I also want you to tell me if it is bad. I want the truth so I can improve. Keep what works. Change what doesn't. But this tells me that this author actually has no interest in improving. They want to just be good. Instantly.

That's not how things work.

The other thing that rankles me now is back when they were trying to get me to play IT, they did this weird thing where they clearly were fishing for a compliment and then also trying to manipulate me into compliance. The email included both the author saying "You may not know this, but some people are intimidated by my intelligence." I have a hard time believing that but whatever let's you sleep at night I guess. And then immediately followed it up with "I'm intimidated by your intelligence."

Okay. Great. I'm big and scary and I'm still not going to do your job for you. That actually had the opposite effect on me and just made me roll my eyes and mock it behind closed doors. What's more, truly intelligent people do not need to scream off the roof tops that they are intelligent. Thou doth protest too much. If you have to constantly remind people of your intelligence, you are likely both insecure and not that intelligent. I will say that I do feel I am of decent intelligence, maybe a bit above average. But I also let it speak for itself through my words and actions. I don't need people to fan my ego by blowing smoke up my ass.

This author, though, betrayed their own statements time and time again. They couldn't grasp the concept of rape, masturbation, murder and more as not being for someone younger than like... 15. minimum. They constantly got phrases wrong. They didn't understand the concept of Print vs. literally anything else. My mom also mentioned they frequently mixed up names, got well-known phrases wrong, and couldn't even keep the timeline straight. As in this book is the third in a series. The main character, or one of them, I don't know, is said to be about 9 or 10 maybe in the first book, and is set in 1956 ish. Mom never was clear on the actual date. The second and third book, despite happening consecutively, both manage to happen in 1959-1960. If you are doing the math, that should make the character 13 in the second at least, giving some grace and leaning into him being 10. Except he is explicitly stated to be 15 at some point in the second, and has his 16th during. That math doesn't math. I question your cognitive abilities if you can't even keep something as simple as the age correct.

Now, I will say that I understand some of the tech issues is exposure. I grew up with tech changing. A lot. I saw the transition from huge clunky laptops that weighed 50 pounds and barely did word processing to a computer ten times as powerful in my pocket. I'm actually typing this on my phone right now. So my mental agility for this sort of thing is, admittedly, higher on virtue of that, and my age, and the fact that I have a moderately decent and regular sleep schedule, something this author has admitted to not having more than once. But when you join a book club, and then refuse to read the book chosen, that's a problem. To be a good author, you need to read. But based on the correspondence I experienced with this person, they can't even fully comprehend one paragraph.

I will acknowledge my part in this, as I feel it is only right. I could've possibly done more. Maybe if I had bent over backwards, and done more than I agreed to do initially, then this could've ended differently. We did not have a written contract, by the way. No formal agreement other than words. I didn't think of it and didn't think it would be needed. I don't know if I'm in the wrong for refusing to try and get it uploaded. But then, I also never billed myself as a professional graphic designer. I got a degree. I worked as one for a year and a half (give or take a bit). And I haven't done anything formal since. And in that job, I did many things, but never a book cover. However, that said, I used templates all the time. And I never once had anything rejected for incorrect formatting or anything of the sort. I can, and did, correctly use a template. How dare someone who knows nothing about me demean me behind my back? But I also acknowledge that the email from the fixer that I saw was never meant to make it to me, and the fact that it did pisses me off.

I did have a little vindication from mom today, who talked to some people who knows the author, and has seen, from their perspective, a bit of what's going on. As in, they knew the author had a book coming out eventually, they knew I had done the cover and said it was good, and that's it. When they heard from my mom how I was treated, they were appalled, and all agreed I did what I was paid to do. And none felt I should've also played IT, and all agreed what was said about me was out of line and should've never been sent to me. At least people who know us both will know that I am not the failure I will likely be portrayed as.

I will not know what they say in the future about any of this. I got paid. I removed them from all my social media. That bridge has been burned to ash, straight into the ground. I want nothing more to do with the author or this book. My time and effort would've been better spent writing my own shit. And I am. And it's better than that drivel. But I have no doubt that I will no longer be attached to the cover design. I'm sure the author will attribute it to the fixer even though I doubt there was much, if anything, for the fixer to even do. I don't know. I won't know. And I do not care. I am sure I will be bad mouthed, lambasted, and spoken poorly of while the fixer will be talked about as though they are the savior of the book.

Good. Fucking have it.

I'm finally almost done. I really doubt anyone made it this far, but if you did, thanks for reading my rambling. I'll wrap it up.

In short, the TLDR, is this was the most miserable work experience I've ever had, and I worked at a pet store cleaning diarrhea dog cages every Saturday morning for six months when I was a teen. I never should've accepted this, but I got paid. So whatever. She supposedly loved it, and I kind of hope she can't use the cover anymore. I know it is fixable, salvageable, but a petty part of me hopes it isn't.

And even if it is, I hope it is the most expensive book cover they've ever had. Because I didn't work for free and I'm sure the fixer won't either.

Fuck the author.

Fuck the book.

Go rot.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #212

Have you ever seen a cougar in the wild? No, thank god. They don't even live here.

When was the last time you took a selfie? Like, months ago.

Do you have any nieces or nephews? Quite a few.

Who’s your favourite person? Girt.

Are you more of a cat or dog person? Cat.

What’s the weirdest compliment you’ve ever received? It's not appropriate so we're not talking about it lmao

Who is someone you really admire? Mark Fischbach.

Do you prefer piano or guitar music? Electric guitar.

Are you good at using Photoshop? I'm decent.

What were you last embarrassed about? My social awkwardness when I was trying to order a burger at this place in Charlotte. I was just getting over being overwhelmed and stuff, and the menu kinda confused me, so I made a fool of myself. Idk how in the world Girt managed to not just walk the fuck away from me lmao

Are there any clothing items you really want but can’t find? I've wanted a black, studded leather jacket since I was a teenager.

What’s a habit you find gross? Biting toenails. I was floored when I learned people even did it.

Are you a hat person? No.

Has anyone ever approached you in the street and asked to take your picture? No.

What color hair did your first crush have? Brown.

Have you ever had a professional make-over? No.

Have you ever had a professional photo shoot? Not for just myself. Family stuff, though.

What is your favorite Avril Lavigne song? "Nobody's Home"

Do you have any embarrassing health issues? I have IBS, yes. Hyperhidrosis is also very embarrassing because you look like you dove into a pool after being outside in mild heat for five minutes.

Have you ever ridden in an ambulance? Yes, the second time I had to go for my asthma. I don't think I'd properly reached asthma attack territory, but it was mighty fuckin' close.

Have you ever gotten sick in the car? No.

How many teeth do you have? Idk, however many you're supposed to have without wisdom teeth.

Have you ever cussed someone out? I remember doing this to my sister's abusive boyfriend she had in high school. I feel like this has probably happened with another or two.

Does it take a lot to make you feel guilty? No.

Have you ever broken a really important promise? Well, I did promise to keep Sara's disgusting political compass a secret. So yes, I eventually broke that.

Have you ever told someone’s deep, dark secret? ^ yes. There was no way to ban her from the RP forum without explaining it to our mutual friends/RP partners, I'm sure.

Have you ever purposely hurt yourself? Yes, I had problems with this as a teenager, and it happened a few times in my early 20s.

Have you ever eaten any type of insect? No.

What’s a hobby you would like to try out? Herping.

Have you ever won a raffle? If so, what’ve you won? Yes, this is how I won two rare and limited pieces of Silent Hill: Revelation merch.

What’s the biggest insect you’ve ever seen? Probably some sort of beetle.

How about the biggest spider? A bird-eating tarantula when I was at the NARBC with Sara. The insane thing is I think the guy whose booth it was might have been the YouTuber who GOT me into tarantulas (The Tarantula Collective) lmfao, I just can't remember for sure. They definitely at least looked similar.

Is your room covered in posters, or pretty bare? As of only a few days ago, they're almost completely bare now. I'm redecorating in there. I'm leaving most posters behind.

Would you ever consider being a cannibal? Strong no.

Do you collect anything valuable? No.

What was the last thing you killed? Most likely an ant.

Who is your favorite female celebrity? Hm... I guess either Gab Smolders or tarantula kat. It's strange, all celebs I've been wildly invested in were/are men lmao

What’s your favorite Lady Gaga song? "Bloody Mary"

Would you date the same sex? Why or why not? Yes, and I have before, I'm pansexual.

If someone cheated on you, would you take them back if you really loved them? Nope, you've got one shot.

Obsessions? Meerkats have been my longest-lasting and most well-known, but online I'm also very open about my extreme Rammstein hyperfixation (I say "online" because irl I am very embarrassed by being someone who hyperfixates and I don't like sharing), the Silent Hill franchise, watching YouTube, tarantulas...

Addictions? Technology, specifically the Internet. I barely know how to exist without it, and it's sad. I'm aware I'm also addicted to soda, albeit this is an addiction I'm more capable of actually fighting, but I still have a few bottles (not two-liters, don't be mistaken) a week.

What are your #1 priorities in life? My happiness, health (mental and physical), maintaining healthy and fulfilling relationships, and trying to figure out my purpose and what I want to live for (this includes working towards a career of some sort).

Have you ever dated a redhead? No.

List three of your favorite types of YouTube videos to watch. Let's plays, reptile and tarantula collectors' care-type videos, herping.

What is the name of your YouTube channel, if you have one? 0zzkat (it’s a zero because with an "o" was somehow already taken boooooooo).

How old were you the first time you encountered God? God was forced on me from birth (I was baptized, so quite literally).

Any upcoming travel plans? I'm probably going BACK to Charlotte next weekend because Girt's picking up a really nice exercise bike Javier has for sale, so he has to pick that up because shipping would be like, $500. The bike is rather small so would fit into Girt's bedroom, and he plans on facing it towards his TV so he can just be on the bike while watching YouTube.

What are you reading currently? Nothing right now; I recently finished the Omen of the Stars arc in the Warriors series, so now I need to order the next arc.

What’s the first concert you attended? Alice Cooper.

Where do you most hope to visit? The KMP grounds in South Africa.

For what would you be famous? I feel that I'm most CAPABLE of being famous for my writing, but I WANT to be well-known for my photography, at least in the photography community; truly "famous" photographers are extremely few and far between.

When did you last cry? And why, if you feel like sharing. Last night. I had an anxiety attack.

What fictional character/s remind you of yourself? Clearsight from Wings of Fire is a strong one.

What would you like to tell your father? I wish you were better when I was growing up.

What would you like to tell your mother? Thank you for literally everything you do.

What is something you have no patience for? Jokes about rape or other extremely serious, harmful things.

How many cats do you have? One. I'd like one more, but.

How many dogs do you have? One.

How many other pets do you have? One: a champagne morph ball python.

How many of your grandparents are still alive? None.

Have you ever been flipped off by a random stranger? Yes, when I was driving one day. My mom was absolutely seething, she reached her arm out of the window and did it right back.

Does everyone in your family know your sexual orientation? I don't think everyone does.

Would you ever want to go back to school? So... as of extremely recently I am considering going back for some sort of writing degree. I don't want to be an author, I just feel like a degree in my strongest skill might come in handy for getting SOME sort of job in writing.

If you were the opposite sex, how would you style your hair? shrug

What is the wallpaper on your cell phone? Lock screen is this gorgeous artwork featuring a skull with flowers, butterflies, and bees, and my home screen is another piece of artwork that's a simplistic monarch butterfly texture.

What do you have handy at your bedside? Two lamps (only one is usually on, my little moon one, but the bigger one is for if I need more light), sometimes my phone, the remote for my moon lamp (it can change colors), and whatever book I'm reading.

When did you last sing to yourself? When I was otw home from Charlotte with Girt.

What is the greatest accomplishment of your life? Healing from my trauma with Jason, I think. I could say still being alive, because boy have I wanted to kill myself plenty of times, but in a way I feel like healing from Jason was even harder. A big reason I'm still alive is because I was just too afraid of the experience of killing myself, so like... surviving was the only option.

What is your opinion on brown eyes? Do not get me wrong, brown eyes can be beautiful, especially in the light. However, it is my least favorite human eye color.

Would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel? The child of both.

How do you feel about tattoos and piercings? Explain. I fucking love them and I'm so glad humans conceived the idea for both. Both can be a method of self-expression, and especially for me, making you enjoy your body more.

Talk about a song/band/lyric that has affected your life in some way. Ozzy Osbourne. He was my bait into metal music, and his music has comforted me since I was a pre-teen, and continues to do so to this day. His music makes me feel warm, and it feels like home to me.

The world is listening. Pick one sentence you would tell them. For right this very minute? Free Palestine. If it wasn't currently under genocidal siege, I'd have to think harder on this, because there's a lot of contenders.

Do you have a desk/workspace and how is it organized/not organized? I have a desk for my laptop. It's got my laptop on it of course, plus the Mira plush Girt got me, the weighted meerkat plush Mom got me, my planner and Girt's work schedule, my therapy workbook, and a few art supplies.

What’s one thing you don’t want your parents to know? I would never share my sexual life with either of them. Specifically kinks, no fucking thanks.