#It really feels like yelling in to the void
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Oh wow, thank you so much for taking the time to respond to my post withā¦ all of that. Iām honestly in awe of how you managed to turn a simple expression of excitement for a different type of Sukuna fanfiction into some kind of personal attack. I wasnāt even talking about specific writers or complaining about anyoneās contentāI was literally just sharing an idea. But hey, props to you for finding something to get mad about. Thatās a talent in itself.
Letās be clear here: I wasnāt demanding anyone write this for me. I wasnāt critiquing anyoneās work. I wasnāt sitting here throwing shade at writers. I was just sharing what I personally wanted to see in fanfiction, which, last I checked, is what people do in fandom spaces. You know, sharing ideas, connecting over mutual interestsāthat sort of thing. I didnāt realize I needed to publish a whole novel on Google Docs to be allowed to post. My bad for thinking Tumblr was a space for that.
And honestly, the assumptions you made about me? Impressive. Youāve decided I donāt write, that Iām entitled, and that Iām part of some mythical group of people who do nothing but ācomplain.ā None of which is true, but I canāt help but marvel at how far your imagination took you.
Also, the charm of calling people ācornyā while doing exactly what youāre criticizing (complaining about someoneās post) isā¦ unparalleled. Iām sure the irony is totally intentional. But donāt worry, Iāll be sure to take your wisdom to heart while continuing to use this app however I want, since thatās kind of the point.
But seriously, itās okay. I get it. You probably had some stuff on your chest, and my post happened to be the outlet for it. Maybe youāre feeling unappreciated, or maybe my excitement rubbed you the wrong way. Whatever it is, I sincerely hope youāre able to work through it. Itās okay, honey. Mummy and daddy love you, even if they didnāt act like it during your childhood. I truly hope this little outburst gave you the attention youāre so clearly craving. I see your pain and I acknowledge your feelings. Therapy could really helpājust saying. It seems like a healthier way to process those feelings than trolling random people online.
At the end of the day, though, Iām going to keep sharing my thoughts and enjoying fandom spaces for what theyāre meant to be: a place for ideas and connection. And if that bothers youā¦ well, I guess you can keep yelling into the void if it makes you feel better. Wishing you all the best, truly.
(p.s: adding a screenshot of the tags this bbg wrote just in case they decide to delete it)
I'm so sick of sukuna fanfics where the reader is a sweet innocent submissive girl like badgirl reader whennnn! I need a crazy sukuna and a batshit insane reader, someone who matches his freak, someone who's even better at it, someone who lowkey terrifies the king of curses himself! I need a reader who shows this pretty boy what being evil actually is! Give me that!!!!
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I'm incommunicado.
Can't receive asks since the message thing of my blog died.
Can't reply to my own post.
It's been 1 month. I don't hsve followers or they are bots probably, because I only got two since December. Just the secondary blogs had this rush of bots following.
Don't know if the people I use to casually chat know that I don't have this feature.
Aparently, I can't send asks either. Or I'm probably with this "pissed by the tumblr Gods energy" that no one wants to reply to me, or even tag me.
It seems they are trying to smother this blog slowly and casually. Like being a drunk on the floor and they put a gigant sing upon my body that says: Don't bother, she likes being like this and probably will bite you if you help her. And are waiting for me to just stop breathing or chocke on my own vomit.
So let it die, let it rot. I hope this isn't a sign of this side of the fandom also dying and moving on with other things. I still and adict of all the art and shenanigans this fandom still has in it even if the show ended almost 3 years ago.
Personally, I still want this to be a blog for Castiel and Misha, even if it's like 100% Destiel and Cockles since 2020. I'm really looking forward for the GK thing.
But if I've been forced to evacuate here, and begin from the 200 followers on my other blogs of personal endeavors, I should leave now.
I've been sending a request to fix this to tumblr help once a week. Not even a mail in response or acknowledge of my existence so far.
From my 6 years of experience here, I think I'm far from relevant or desirable as an user, even if I purchase stuff, pay for the no ads thing. I assume that a single person from Bolivia does not mean a demographic they want to keep, and the amount of followers it has does not count as significant, neither this blog as a part of those 6 years in the tumblr ecosystem. Because of the mass migration from Twitter, I assume, that are overwhelming their servers. Loosing me it's probably a lint in their corporate belly buttons.
Funny thing is I try to convince me that this blog matters. Even if many other people leave this site deactivating their blogs and leaving a big hole in the fandom in my opinion. But me, just fading away, or tumblr just expecting I give up leave and forget this blog, so they magically solve the thing once I migrate to another user or platform. Isn't really a big deal in the great scheme of things. I don't think anyone will notice my disappearance. I'm no legacy or important blog.
In the mean girls universe, before the let's point the blogs that gaslight us to believe that OF COURSE DESTIEL WILL HAPPEN IN THE END, how you DARE to not trust us META minds that know Dabb is our personal Jesus Christ and savior. At first I hang out with with them, but then I renegate and became the usual Cas Stan that got the "Bitter" tittle because I knew they will not have the Cojones to make Destiel actually happen on the screen as a real and indiscutible situation, like a kiss or an open declaration of love that had to go BOTH WAYS.
So, my importance here is minimal. Other blogs where more active and spoke about this inner bullying in on our Heller community. How being a Clown that got many questions and wasn't that happy after watching Castiel go to Superhell and Dean just staying there looking sad, but didn't say anything at all, wasn't the promise land they preach.
I will always protest about the awful way Misha was used to bait his fan base to watch the worse two episodes in human TV history of that finale just hoping he'll be there... eventually (I was that fool, and I waited, and I waited, and I watched... THE HORROR š±).
Anyways, because I know this post probably will go to tumblr hell like Castiel. And be there in the empty of promises and things we prefer to believe to not loose or Collective Clown minds when Jackles has the time and has the 133563323th question about that scene that confirms that Dean was being a Bro and Cas was being a Bro and all the thing was just in our heads and Cas never said I love you, or he said it but it was more like a: BRO, I LOVE YOU, BRUH.
I'll try to reach the Server Gods, plead for my oxygen and pray for the cause of this punishment not being just another antiheller pro Jarpiss that got all the time in the world, or enough friends to ask for my reporting as whatever they could just to put me in this position.
I rather want to believe this is like a rite of passage. For what I recall, many blogs of people who I love and enjoy had a temporal deactivation or this kind of things once or twice in their history. So, that gives me hope to think, opposite of what I explained earlier in this gigant mental fart of existence and relevance on the tumblresphere, I'm probably and finally being initiated in the ancient ways of torture to became and actual real blog in its own right.
I. Really. Prefer. To think. It's just that kind of things. Not the Tall one lovers and their obsession with a gigant 40s toddler.
Still I will always keep distance from them and their Incestuos ownership of the S*PN tag.
If this are my last words, and or post, I want to say:
VIVA COCKLES!
#It really feels like yelling in to the void#But here I am#tumblr life#tumblr issues#The soft banning it's getting into my bones#If they do this#They can deactivate#And I'll probably won't fight anymore#6 years#Still... I hope this gives me street cred š¤£š¤£š¤£#6 years and no respect#Sad thing this is really the 9nly SM I use#I casually land on Twitter just to look for Misha in Cons punctures#That shaudenfrauder of watching the world burn /away from you/#Have a fling with Reddit that just use to search for PC forums#And the rest of MetaPiss verse I hate#Only use WhatsApp for work#I only had this blog that I dedicate 6 years of my life to create and cultivate#I even lost the joy of doing my gifs#Sights... I'll wait here then
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The completed six (nine in this case) Digimon fanart challenge! I asked for requests in a discord server as well, so I ended up with more than I expected because of that. Thank you to everyone on both tumblr and discord who sent me requests for this!
#digimon#digimon fanart#digital monsters#digiart#digisafe#apocalymon#lilithmon#voltobautamon#wisemon#ouryumon#baalmon#dorumon#blucomon#publimon#appmon#dinu yells into the void#dinu yells in the void#dinu's sketchy art#this took. longer then expected. both because from discord i got more requests then expected#and because im rusty with my drawing skills#honestly tbh the three which were hardest for me were dorumon blucomon#and apocalymon#in terms of drawing#im still new to like drawing monsters so drawing Dorumon especially was hard since its like a weird hybrid animal#i ended up HATING the face on the original apo. and so i redrew it#i think out of all the humanoids its the one i like the least still but nothing to do about it now#volto lilith and ouryu are probably my favourite i think thosr three all look really good#will i do this again. maybe? idk.#depends on how i feel#either way. it was good practice
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Soren deserves to have a little breakdown in season 7. As a treat.
#Let him be angry#let him be sad#the best moments in season 6 were when he got to yell at his father#i think he's been holding his emotions close to himself for a while#we saw so in āchanging of the guardā when Corvus mentions how happy he always tries to be#and we saw it when he talked to Ezran then closed the door and his face immediately dropped#like this man has terminal comedy as a tool to hide your feelings disease#given everything that happens#in season 6#he deserves to scream into the void about how he feels#he deserves to bite something really hard like a pillow or something#he deserves to throw a really big rock into the lake#he deserves a kiss to make it better from Corvus#WHAT WHO ADDED THAT TAG TO THIS POST?!?!?!#they are a package deal in my posts now sorry#soren tdp#the dragon prince#almost got this far without tagging the actual character or show#this post would have just been me screaming to the void lmao#he deserves (read: needs) a really big hug
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Hello! Random whipper snipper! Share a WIP of your work!
ooh, with pleasure. six the musical araleyn fanart? in the year 2k24? more likely than you think xDD
i realize this looks finished, but technically i'm still deciding whether to add a background or not lol. still, for the sake of sharing a proper WIP, here's a line or two from an araleyn brainworm WIP that i started reworking yesterday (mild tw for religious guilt and period-typical internalized homophobia from aragon's pov):
She remembers sharing her bed with Anne at Henry's behest, remembers the nights of tossing and turning and trying not to think about Anne asleep next to her-- remembers waking up to dark hair spilling across her pillow and the press of blood-warm bosoms against her own, softer than sin, as hot as the Devil, remembers lying still as death, mouthing prayers into the heat of Anne's neck like an act of penance.
#six the musical#six the musical fanart#six the musical araleyn#araleyn#araleyn fanart#i... cannot remember if it's fandom custom to use the full name tags#ah so it appears it is in fact fandom custom#catherine of aragon#catalina de aragon#anne boleyn#today we hazard a fleeting glimpse into the abtruse psyche of the dusty...#what other fandoms do they contain? wouldnt you like to know weather boy#well i mean honestly i don't know either but we'll find out as they rotate thru my conciousness#not trek#yeaaah i'm a spones girl (gender neutral) through and through. The more you know#and before you ask no this is not the og old married couple that went so hard i gained a type in ships forever after#though they are pretty up there in my blorbo rotation cycle#... on some level i may be yelling into the void with this one but no harm in that yeah?#but maybe the six fandom isn't as dead as i've been assuming. who knows? this is my self indulgent blog dammit#ill be self indulgent <33#also i keep forgetting it's pride month xDD my straight irls wish me happy pride and im always like OH Right nice yeah#but i haven't drawn these two in so long!! feels so good stretching the old married sapphics muscle again#dust writes#so happy about the vibe in this one ngl! theyre Soft ok. i like that very much. And also this aragon is so my type LMAO#really rambly tonight whoops. but i guess its the closest to a non-art post i can get to keep my page navigable? mm#...dammit now I'm thinking about araleyn in spones' roles. also i REALLY really should study#in hugely dire straits right now yall except i can't stop drawing/writing. whooooops.#sapphic#pride month#dust talks
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Oil Rigs look god in the eyes and spits on their shoes
SERIOUSLY WHO JUST WENT:
"Ah, mhyes quite. The Number Must Climbā¢; sacrifice peasantry to collect the Death that coalesces in locked-away packets of the deepest underground depths. This death has rotted beyond normal decomposition, giving it undue ability to effectively reanimate inanimate matter upon combustion. "
AND THEN CONTINUED WITH:
"Furthermore, we shall build a monument to this Death; a Hell borne of jagged angles and crude iron. Behold, ye witless peons! Harvest for with me! Partake of what we know not of handling! Imbue life into our mechanical automatons; derive VIGOR from DEATH! A brutalist siphon that exchanges life quality for work quantity- directly converting my serfdom's labor into cold! Hard! Cash! This has no chance of hurting the entire species. Harvesting the energy of death is a smart and sane thing to do : ) "
#still wakes the deep#oil#oil rig#megalophobia#capitalism#military industrial complex#thoughts#tumblr#yelling into the void#idk#like IDK#oil as a concept#when you really think about it#is the fucking worst????#it's comically evil#we seek echoes of life within death that has went putrid#death has to die further to be harnessed#and THEN millions of years of temperature and pressure have to happen#THE EARTH JUST SEALS DEATH ENERGY BENEATH OUR FEET#AND WE HAVE THE GODDAMN COJONES#TO ACT LIKE WE WERE EVER SUPPOSED TO USE IT AND IT'S PRODUCTS AT ALL (I know life isn't āsupposed to doā anything)#BUT DOES THAT NOT FEEL LIKE WE'RE PLAYING WITH FORCES WILDLY MORE DANGEROUS THAN WE COULD COMPREHEND#I don't think the point of cosmic horror is that cosmic horror is scary#cosmic horror becomes truly vulgar and stomach-churning when it showcases just how#fucking#STUPID#humans are#we do not comprehend how dumb it is to exploit a god#yet here we fucking are#rant in tags
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she c on my bee till i duo or whatever
#id in alt#beeduo#beeduo fanart#ranboo#tubbo#grass does art#block men#grass yells into the void#drawing this made me feel really sad and i dont know why :((( hopefully it will be like. cathartic or whatever
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Help Wanted:
Lost a fic!! It was a Supernatural crossover (I can't remember with what, just that it was one fandom and not multiple), minimalist, under 10.000 words (most likely less than 5.000). Name was a Lord Huron quote, I did comment on the fic but I cannot find it. Probably Gen or T, maybe Not Rated.
Plot: (SPOILERS) Dean and 1?? (other fandom character) are fishing peacefully (I think, at least they're by a river) waiting for Sam and 2?? (other fandom character's respective sibling equivalent) to show up. The two bond. Story pans out and Sam and 2?? are on the other side of the river. Dean and 1?? are dead, and Sam and 2?? talk about how they'll get along. (Something to that effect.)
Was sad. Was good. I cannot find it. It has been stuck in my head for the last few hours, even though I haven't read it in months. If you find any fic with SPN and one other fandom where I am FULL CAPS SCREAMING LORD HURON LYRICS than that is probably the fic. I have been searching for at least an hour. I don't know if it was taken off the site (Ao3). (I would be sad if this were the case, but I would appreciate at least knowing)
#I don't think it was one of the main fandoms either#but I really could be wrong#I feel like Dean was teaching the guy how to fish???#I dunno. I dunno.#my and the boys at 2 AM looking for fanfic#but yeah if anyone knows what I'm talking about pls let me know. Like literally all I need to know is what the other fandom was exactly.#I can slot the characters in my head I just actually cannot picture them.#pls halp#I should go write Rewind now.#or play Stardew.#what if we compromise and I stare at Rewind chapter 7 trying to Plot and someone magically knows exactly what fic I'm talking about#and we all win.#*sobs in the distance*#supernatural#lord huron#just yelling into the void#fanfic#ao3
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I miss the person I was a year ago. two years ago. more social. happier. doing more creatively.
#ya girl is just sad today#yelling into the void bc idk where else to yell#I was so much happier this time last year#even tho I have really good things in my life rn#I just think about like#April 2023 me :(#or!#fall 2020 me#she was living in constant covid anxiety sure#but she was also having the time of her life writing phinbella romance and sharing it with friends#now I havenāt updated that fic in nearly two years#and thereās friends I just donāt see much of anymore#which is no oneās fault that is just how life is#but it just aches#I just feel so sad#or 2021 me#she was posting so much art!!! literally living it up!!!!!!!#now well I mean#my newest pnf piece has gotten close to 500 likes on instagram which has never happened with my pnf art before#so thatās really cool#but I just#ugh#at least I have TTPD#I feel so disconnected from people which is the true reason I post art or fic or whatever#even tho I have lovely friends who I adore!!! they just feel far away#which isnāt anyoneās fault itās just how life is and my own weird perception of the world#anyway#all this to say I do have a chfil chapter in the works still#maybe finishing that will heal me lmao#cadence rambles
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I come from a family of singers, and while I didnāt inherit the Actually Good at Singing gene, I used to love singing anyway. Iāve always been an alto, and my deeper voice was always a point of pride for me! I was into musical theatre, and when I would actually be cast, Iād find as many loopholes as possible to sing lower than I was supposed to. I wanted to be a Broadway actress. But I wanted to play womenās and menās roles. I wanted to be known as the woman who could be a man just as easily and just as flawlessly.
But after a, uh, particular incident at a singing contest, I realized just how much I actually sucked and swore off singing for the rest of my life; Iāve been slowly allowing myself to sing again through my twenties, but never where others can hear.
While my speaking voice hasnāt dropped as much since starting T, my singing voice has. Iāve been testing my low range by singing the opening of The Reincarnation of Benjamin Breeg and seeing how many notes I can actually hit, and Iāve been kinda dissatisfied, because I still canāt hit the bottom notes. But as of late Iāve found myself cranking off into musical theatre pieces whenever Iām alone and cleaning or driving or what have you, and the more I go through, the more I realize my voice is, at present, so much closer to the voice I always wanted growing up.
While cleaning the windows at work, I cranked off on the most hilariously passionately rendition of Who Iād Be, which has always been one of my favorites, but one I could never sing; it went too low, and raising the key took it too high outside of my range. Now? I can hit every last note. Not well, of course, but I never once struggled in the lows. Now I canāt stop singing it, because Iāve wanted to sing it since I was thirteen and now I finally can and Iām needlessly emotional over it.
I dunno. Itās just nice. This is the first time Iāve felt happy about my voice since I was in middle school, and itās empowering in an odd sorta way.
#apologies to the customers and tourists who happened to pass by the park office at the time#just a random-ass dudechick yelling āWEāD STAND AND STARE! WEāD SPEAK OF LOVE! WEāD FEEL THE STAAAAAARS ASCENDING!ā#but in my defense! I was having a great time. š
#peaches screams into the void#also! the incident in question:#my brother and I entered a local singing contest years back (I wanna say I was 15 or 16)#I went right after he did. my brotherās legitimately one of the best singers I know. heās god-tier#so of course he had everyone enraptured the whole time#then I go up there and do my songā¦ and everyone looks visibly either bored or sympathetic#there was a high note near the bridge and when I hit it a group of people near the back just. BURST into laughter#I begrudgingly finished the song then left the stage assuring myself it was the last song I would ever sing#likeā¦ yeesh. I knew I wasnāt GOOD but I didnāt realize until then just how bad I really was š
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#still think abt the time an (adult) male relative told me (when i was 10) that I 'needed to lose weight or no man would ever find me sexy'#which IDK feels like a shitty thing to say to anyone but especially a girl who had yet to even reach puberty lmao#and who wasn't even That overweight at the time Nor had body image issues until that moment going forward lol#ironically... I ended up having some ED issues and gained a bunch of weight from then on#mainly bc i had some CSA trauma in my early childhood way before that conversation so I internalized the idea#that if I was fat no man would give me unwanted attention#however... this thought process (on top of other things) led me to believe for almost my entire life that no man would find me attractive#or like me or love me at ALL unless I either lose a bunch of weight and maybe not even then#which is kinda why I'm overall uninterested in men even if the attraction is technically there?#I lost interest in even male Friendships tbh bc i internalized this idea that no man would be interested in me even platonically š¤#anyway. just something I'm working through in therapy but every once in a while I wonder why it's so hard for me to lose weight#and then I remember... ah yes.. 'āØtraumaāØ' lol#funky's personal tag#delete later probs#anyway. I can't really talk about this stuff easily outside of therapy irl so I just be yelling into the void sorry guys :(
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#^farmerās market goat :)#vent post#I feel bad posting vent posts so I try to have good pictures/screenshots for them skskskd#disclaimer that Iām okay but also this is above tumblrās pay grade. I just need to yell into the void about it#health stuff is taking a sudden downward turn and Iām stressed about it#Iām fine#but weāre considering getting genetic testing to check for vascular Ehlers Danlos#which is. concerning.#thatās the one you donāt want#āhalf of people with this condition will live to at least 48ā reassuring. thanks.#like. Iām FINE right now but kind of having a little existential mortality crisis over having to consider it as a possibility#it might be nothing or something else. weāre just talking possibilities. but I donāt like that weāre seriously discussing vEDS#idk. hopefully in a few months I come back with an update and itās nothing/something else#Iām not gonna just keel over but itās not a fun time as you get older#again. Iām fine right now. itās probably just my anxiety. but I need SOME sort of outlet#and on tumblr nobodyās pressured to respond. I donāt really want a vent discussion or anything#just need to get it out and move on with making appointments and pushing fluids#but everything is okay right now. Iāll make appointments. Iāll discuss medications and testing. Iāll make lifestyle changes where I can.#itāll be fine
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I appreciate Gennai explaining that SkullGreymon was not necessarily an evil digimon or an evil evolution, just not what was needed nor wanted at the time
#digimon#dinu yells into the void#dinu yells in the void#dinu watches digimon#actually REALLY like that throwaway comment. we all already know how i feel about skullgreymon#and i appreciate the clarification that darkness evolutions arent really ādarknessļæ½ļæ½ļæ½ evos in the sense that the digimon becomes Irredeemable#idk idk. im a lot of emotions rn. its the last episode
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blegh
#delete later#this is me just yelling into the void for a moment#but god I think I need to look into doing smth about my meds#:))) been on a steady mental health decline since at LEAST august#and itās only gotten worse since the new year started cries#Iām trying to do homework and I canāt even focus on it#struggling so bad#but I donāt. trust anyone to actually talk and Iāve been pulling closer to myself#so I just bury myself in school and writing and distractions (there arenāt many)#I donāt know I think Iām tired#really tired of how things have been#how alone I feel#life has genuinely felt exhausting lately#all of my relationships feel so superficial with the exception of like. a small few#I want deeper connections but lately I feel like Iām just not built for friendship#it really feels like Iām just not supposed to have friends because Iām not a good one or Iām not a good person and I just Exist#in loneliness#and that hurts SO bad#can it please get better already#please#between online and irl I am at my limit T-T#ANYWAYS. back to being productive and doing stuff
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#cw personal#tbd#I neeeeeed to stop scrolling through Instagram#itās full of people I used to know from high school and it is insane watching all of these girls I grew up with follow the#exact life path which was expected of me due to my environment and gender#when I didā¦not that#idk Iām yelling into the void about it tonight#itās almost a surreal feeling bc I used to look like that and that used to be me#but I got out yāknow#I wish them the best & all the happiness and if it works for them great I guess??#but man itās so wild#and when I say gender I do really mean sex lol bc my grasp on my gender is uhhhhh tenuous
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snow storming outside im in my parents house im sitting in my mom's rokcing chair on my laptop suddenly it's march 2022 again and i'm home from college because i got in a car accident and my crippling anxiety worsened and i felt like throwing up if i was two hours away in my college dorm and had no one to rely on and was convinced i would die if i wasn't being supervised at all times of the day. so how are you guys doing
#i don't feel like. anxious or nauseous right now#i just feel like. idk. like i'm 20 again and i'm at my parents house because i don't have anywhere else i feel safe#even tho i do now. i very much do. its just. Weird#snowstorms make me feel weird like i just have like a weird heavy feeling in my chest rn idk what it is#like no one got hurt in the accident it was literally so nothingburger we got a ride back 2 campus in a cop car bc there was a cop nearby#and he got us out of the car really quick and everyone was fine and nothing was bad#so like it's fine. like it wasn't bad. this isn't like trauma or anything it's just me being fucking weird and having hangups abt things#that literally don't matter anymore and i've been thinking about my time in college lately and it was. something#but the wind is bad and i'll be driving tonight and it's like. weirdbadawful feelings#anyway -_- i'm like. fine. it's just weird. bad brain moment#whiskey yelling into the void
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